#wow i had no filter when i was 16 i did/said so many things that were off the wall

[insaneclownpussi]

wild day yesterday that ended in an intervention for my dad. but really what i cant stop thinking about is the person i kissed right before i left austin…

[fadedncity]

give me the greenlight

wc: 19.0k…y'all i genuinely don't know how

pairing: mark x fem!reader

cw: smut, street racing au, childhood friends to lovers, non idol au, college au, lil angst, fluff, mention of other idols, slight allusions to a toxic ex, alcohol consumption, use of marijuana, mark's lowkey a big flirt, switch!mark, switch!reader, auralism, thigh riding, dirty talk, pet names, praising, teasing, marking, fingering, semi public sex, car sex, oral sex (giving/receiving), exhibitionism (barely), multiple orgasms, protected sex, aftercare, way more plot than i expected, lmk if i missed anything

[9:16 PM] FRIDAY

"Come on. The cops are gonna bust it before we even get there!" Summer stomped her heels like a whiny child.

"You know these things never start on time, we will be fine," you said, coming down the stairs.

"You could always go ahead of us and we'll meet you there," Nyla said, checking herself in the mirror, "Oh wait, you can't drive," she deadpanned.

"Only temporarily," Summer rolled her eyes.

"Only until your suspension is lifted," you reminded.

"One of you could let me borrow a car. It's only an issue if I get caught." Summer says matter of factly, like either of you would side with her.

"That is the issue, sweetie, you did get caught." Nyla pats Summer's cheek.

Summer crossed her arms, again acting like a moody toddler.

"Let's go," you grabbed your keys off the table, "Thought you didn't wanna be late." You said to Summer, heading out the door.

With an annoyed huff, Summer gathered her things and followed you and Nyla out the door.

The three of you got into your car, the gentle purr of the engine coming to life once you put the key in the ignition, sending vibrations through the entire vehicle. Music filtered through the speakers as you pulled out of your spot and took off down the street.

"Hyuck said to make sure you turn your lights off when you're coming up," Summer relayed a message she received from Haechan once you were halfway there.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," you waved off.

You turned off your headlights once you neared the exit, moving offroad. You carefully drove into the woods on unpaved ground, heading deeper into the darkness as the distant streetlights weren't doing anything to assist your sight anymore. 

"I always hate this part," Nyla says from the passenger seat.

"Gotta make sure we don't get caught if any cops are hiding around here." You said.

"I know, but it always feels like the beginning of a horror movie. And you know the hot ones always die first," Nyla pouted.

You found the opening in the fence, worn down from being driven over so many times, and pulled into the abandoned army base, finally able to cut your lights back on.

The sound of music playing and tires screeching on the pavement could already be heard from the runway the meet was on, and you were still a few hangars away.

You slow down once you reach the crowd taking over the runway. People move out of the way as you cruise down the road, looking for a spot to park.

"Ain't that Johnny over there," Summer pointed from the backseat.

"I'd recognize that giant beanstalk anywhere," you say before honking your horn, startling the Aquarius and getting his attention.

"Wow, the princess actually graces us with her presence on this lovely night," Johnny curtsies, and you scoff.

"Just move out the way before I run your ass over." you tell him.

You backed your car into the spot next to Johnny, and your friends practically jumped out of the vehicle before you could put it in park. You hadn't even closed your door when Johnny embraced you in a tight hug. 

"Jesus, John, gonna crack a rib," you gasp.

"Feels like we don't see you at these things anymore," He let you go.

"Come on, it hasn't been that long. I was here like a few weeks ago."

"For like 20 minutes. You left before you could even see me smoke Jungwoo," he crossed his arms over his chest.

You remember that night. You had totally forgotten the assignment you had due at 11:59 and raced back home to turn it in on time.

"Shit. That's my bad. You know it's just stuff with the garage and school and…stuff," you trail off.

"Yeah, I get it," Johnny slung his arm around you, "You're doing good though, kiddo," you both started following behind Nyla and Summer as they wandered off.

"How do you figure?"

"Made it further than me. I had already dropped out by this point," Johnny said, sharing a laugh.

The music came from every direction with people displaying their boosted sound systems out of their trunks. All cars of different makes and models lined the sides of the track. The ones not focusing on the races were too busy gawking at the expensive modifications under the hoods of those showing them off.

"Last chance. Winner take all," you instantly recognize Chenle's voice over the rest of the clamor.

You watch Summer reach into her bag, giving Chenle an indescribable amount, looking proud of herself.

"Who're you betting on?" Johnny asks her. 

"Yeri, duh," she answered. 

"You sure that was a good choice?" he teases.

"Obviously. Hyuck ain't got shit on her." 

"Yeah, alright," Johnny rolled his eyes, taking a bit of offense himself.

"Where is Haechan, by the way? He's up next," Jeno says.

"Over there talking to Jaemin," Chenle nodded to the opposite side of the runway where Jaemin's car was parked.

You spotted the back of Haechan's head, speaking to Jaemin through the window of his car, probably checking the police scanner and making sure you're all still in the clear, no doubt. Then your eyes land on the guy standing next to him, recognizing his silhouette.

"Oh my god, is that-" Summer starts.

"Mark Lee?" you will your vision to focus from this distance to see clearer. "Mark's back in town and no one said anything?" you hit Johnny's arm.

"You would know if you were here." Chenle shrugged.

"I'm sorry, who is Mark?" Nyla asks.

Everyone turned and looked at Nyla.

"Mark Lee? How do you not know Mark?" Summer says, showing Nyla his Instagram.

"How did you pull that up so fast?" Renjun asks.

"Holy shit, he's good," Nyla says, impressed, and you already know Summer pulled up one of the videos of him racing.

"Better be. I taught him." Johnny smiles like a proud father. "We all go way back," he says, "Ain't that right?" Johnny nudges your arm.

Way back. 

Way back when you used to spend hours at the garage with your father after school and only knew Johnny as your father's best and favorite (unconfirmed) employee. And Mark was some boy from your high school that you didn't even know until you went to your first dig.

Way back doesn't even feel that far away anymore now seeing him. It almost feels exactly like the night you met after you snuck out to the first car meet.

"If your father knew you were here, he would lose his shit. If he found out I let you drive, he would have my head. You are not getting into any car—getting behind any wheel tonight under any circumstances. Do you understand?" Johnny said. 

"But-" 

"Aht, I mean it," he said, shooting you down before changing the subject, "You know Mark, right?" Johnny asked. 

"No, I don't know Mark." 

"Well, this is Mark," Johnny said, yanking the boy out of a conversation to introduce the both of you. "You mind keeping each other company, and make sure she stays out of..everything," Johnny not so quietly muttered to Mark. "I'm up next, so be good while I'm gone," Johnny patted your head before he hopped in his car, leaving the two of you alone. 

"I can't image he's much less of a jackass at work." Mark joked. 

"He definitely isn't. I don't think it's something he can turn off," you laughed before you looked over at him, "How'd you know I'm from the garage?" you asked. 

"Johnny said you might be here tonight. He talks about you all the time, like a little sister he's never had," Mark tells you. 

"Oh really? What else has he said?" 

"You're one hell of a driver."

"Come on, it's starting," Summer pulling on your arm, tore you out of your thoughts, and you realize Mark's no longer in your sight, having lost him in the crowd.

People gather on either side of the runway, cheering as Haechan's electric blue supra pulled up next to Yeri's lavender-wrapped GT-R at the spray-painted line that served as the starting and finish line.

Chenle stood in front of them, looking at both drivers. He raised his arms, both drivers reviving up their cars. Haechan burns out his tires, kicking up smoke behind his car before Chenle drops his arms, and both speed off past him down the road.

Through all the commotion, you spotted Mark again, and before you could even think about it, you were already weaving your way through the crowd to get to him.

"So you thought you could just come back to town and not say anything to anybody?" you say, getting his attention.

Mark's eyes light up, no longer concerned with the race upon seeing you.

"I just got in yesterday, but heard you were gonna be here tonight. So I thought I'd surprise you."

"Consider me surprised."

You take the time to notice everything about him, the things that have changed and the things that haven't. Like his hair, no longer dark with the typical schoolboy cut. It's now grown out and blonde—that was as much as you could tell from the beanie it was all tucked underneath. But nothing about his face is much different than how you remember it. Still the same soft eyes you can get yourself lost in and the sweet smile that used to bring one to your face.

"So who's your money on?" Mark asks you.

"You know I'm not throwing anything unless I really got something to lose," you say, "But if I did put my money on one of them it would definitely be Yeri. She's winning this."

"Yeah, she's a good driver but don't you know what Haechan has under his hood?"

"Yeah, but it's no match for what's under Yeri's. And I would know. I put it all together myself," you smiled proudly.

You heard the cars approaching, closing in on the finishing line. From this distance, it's hard to tell who's winning, but you aren't as eager as the rest of the crowd cheering on either side to see who would make it to the end first.

The cars blurred past you, wind whipping behind them, blowing your hair out of place a bit as you turned to Mark.

"Now would you look at that," you smiled as Yeri was announced as the winner, "I know it's been a while Mark, but the last thing you should forget is that I'm always right."

"Trust, there isn't anything about you I could forget," Mark says before excusing himself to provide Haechan with moral support.

You don't know why fluttering kicks up in your stomach at his words, and you can't fight the smirk that stretches across your face as you watch him walk away. But you try to ignore it and go to congratulate Yeri on her win.

[10:32 PM] 

"Okay but like I almost had her," Haechan continues to explain. 

You hadn't been listening to Haechan, finding yourself too entranced with looking at Mark talking to Jungwoo and Yuqi a few feet away from you; you didn't even notice Nyla approaching.

"So like were you two a thing?" Nyla asks, startling you.

"What? Me and Mark?" you furrow your brows, "No, no, we were just friends."

"You were close?" she asks.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." you tell her.

"This one yours?" Mark asks, getting your attention.

"I'm standing next to it, aren't I?" you reply, running your hand over the top of your car.

"And as good as you look doing it, I just wonder if you're still as good at driving it as I remember."

"You think I lost my touch while you were away?" you push yourself away from your car, shortening the distance between the both of you.

Mark shrugs, "You tell me," he smirks.

"You know I'm more show than tell," the corners of your lips turn up.

"Is anybody else seeing this?" Nyla looks around, asking.

"Like old times?" you smile.

"Just like old times," he replies.

"For how much?" you ask.

"Let's just settle with $200 for now, nothing too serious."

"Afraid I'd clean you straight out?" you teased, "Fine by me."

Everyone's now tuned into the exchange between the two of you, a mix of reactions to what was going on with you and Mark.

"Oh shit, this is gonna be good," Haechan slid off the hood of his car, engaging in the action.

"Are they really doing this right now?" Renjun asks.

"You best believe they are. Time to make a profit—Place your bets now!" Yangyang began yelling into the crowd as you and Mark started your cars.

"You two ready?" Ten asks, standing in front of your vehicles at the starting line.

"Unless Mark's having second thoughts," you look over at Mark in his car.

Mark smirked, "Are you?"

"Hell no," you revved up your engine.

With Ten's signal, your foot hovers over the gas pedal. Bringing his hands down, you and Mark take off down the runway.

You're instantly transported back to the summer nights you and Mark spent driving around abandoned warehouses and garages.

You remember staying out for hours—most times til the sun came up, trying to perfect drifting. The amounts of tires you blew out and dents you inflicted on the car you had then led the two of you to spend your days in your father's garage, repairing the damage.

You prepare yourself for the turn coming up on the track that had been carved out. It's almost as if you and Mark move in perfect sync as you shift your gears. Your tires glide on the concrete, smoothly drifting your car around the corner, a bit of smoke trailing behind you from the burning rubber.

With as fast as you were both going, you should've expected the race to end as soon as it started. And when you both drove over the finish line, it was almost hard to tell who won. But you had Mark by a fender.

"I see you have forgot I always win too," You say to Mark as Ten hands you the money, "But that's the first real race I've had in a while, so thank you for that."

"If you're really that appreciative then how about we go again," Mark offers.

"I don't wanna take anymore of your money, Mark," you say teasingly.

He rolls his eyes before leaning out of his car, "If you really don't, how about if I win, you let me take you out."

It was the last thing you expected to hear come out of Mark's mouth. You would almost describe his demeanor as cocky, but you've seen cocky, and the confidence has never looked so good on someone.

Who is this man, and what has he done with the Mark Lee you knew? 

But you weren't going to back down just because your heartbeat picks up, and you know it's not just from the adrenaline.

"How about when I win?" you ask.

He pauses, thinking for a second before saying, "You get my car."

Your eyes light up at the proposition, "Have fun walking home tonight, Markie," you laugh.

"Bitch, if you don't let him win," Summer says, coming up to your window.

"There's no way in hell I'm doing that. Do you see that car?" you say.

"Do you see that man? He wants to take me out, who am I to put a question mark where the universe placed a period?" Nyla says, looking at Mark while he talks to Haechan.

"Look, if there are no hard feelings after I give that car a few adjustments, maybe a new paint job, and Mark still wants to take me out, he can," you shrugged.

"Trust me, he'll want to. He's been eyeing you all night." Summer hits your arm.

"Shut up, he has not," you swat her away.

"Excuse me, ladies, but if you don't mind, my man Mark has a date to win," Haechan says, making it clear who he was rooting for.

"Yeah, keep on wishing, Hyuck," Summer yelled back, "You better fucking win now." she tells you.

It was Jeno this time who stood between both cars raising his arms, giving you and Mark the signal to get set. With a nod, Jeno drops his arms, and your car accelerates, taking off, Mark right there beside you. Your entire focus was on the road ahead of you, not even Mark, who would steal glances at you from time to time.

You start getting some distance between your cars, already thinking about the new rims you'd order. But all that flies out the window when you spot a cat in the road ahead of you.

You had two choices; stop or swerve into the muddy ditch to your left, as any third option would leave someone getting hurt, so you didn't even consider it. Slamming on the breaks, you come to a quick stop as the cat stands in front of your car.

"Motherfucker," you muttered under your breath.

As Mark passed you, you swore you could've heard his laugh in the wind.

You swerved around the cat, applying heavy weight to the gas, getting back into your lane, and catching back up with Mark once you approached the turn. By the time you reached the top end, you were only about an inch away from pulling ahead of Mark's car.

You heard the distorted whirls of screams filter in through your windows as you both drove over the line, everyone cheering for the winner.

"Fuck," you whined.

You really wanted that Evo.

"Did you actually let him win?" Summer asks, stunned.

"Fuck no. There was a cat on the runway, I didn't wanna hit it," you say, slamming your door shut.

"Are you serious?" Renjun asks with a laugh.

"How the fuck else would there be a way to explain how I lost?" you say.

"You wanted to let him wi-" Johnny's cut off by Mark's hand over his mouth.

"It's true, I saw it run across," Mark attests, "But still if rules are rules and winning is winning..." he shrugs with a smile.

"You got lucky, Mark. Don't let it go to your head too much," you cross your arms over your chest.

"May be a little too late for that," Mark says, eyeing you up and down.

"Jesus, were they always like this?" Nyla asks, handing Johnny the money she placed on you.

"I have no idea where the fuck any of this came from. What am I even watching right now?" Johnny says, taking the cash.

"Hey! Did you bet against me?" you ask Johnny.

"Sorry, kid. It's just business," Johnny yells back, counting the money.

"Fucking traitor," you grumble.

Then you hear the static coming from the coms (walkie-talkies, but the boys say it's immature and insist on saying coms instead), Jisung relaying something to Chenle.

"Oh shit," Chenle said, "Cops! Cops are coming!" he yelled.

Everything stopped, and everyone scattered like roaches when the lights came on.

People were running in all different directions, jumping into anything on wheels to get away. You got into your car, searching the crowd for Nyla and Summer because you weren't gonna leave without them if they arrived with you. But you caught them getting into Jaehyun's car, so you drove away.

You heard the sirens getting closer, watching the red and blue lights flash in your rearview as you made your getaway from the old army base. Only you and a few others had the same idea of using the same way you came in to get out since the cops were coming from the main entrance, trying to round everyone up. Or at least the ones that weren't fast enough.

You cut off your headlights, driving through the woods to get to the highway, when you heard your phone vibrating in your cup holder before answering it.

"You guys okay?" you ask Nyla.

"Yeah, pretty sure everyone made it out. Where are you?" Nyla asks.

"On my way to the garage to drop the car. Then I'm going over to Johnny's."

"Alright, we'll see you there."

"Alright." you hung up.

[12:26 AM] SATURDAY 

As you walked up to Johnny's street, you could already see the partying had continued as if it was never interrupted.

Cars were double parked, taking up the entire street in front of the house. People were scattered all over the lawn, still carrying on as if you all didn't just have to run for your lives to end up here. You could already hear the music from inside Johnny's house as you walked up the front steps.

"You know, the whole point of coming over here is to lay low and not attract the attention of the cops right back to us again." you say to Johnny, finding him first on the front porch.

"It'll be fine, none of the neighbors are gonna complain," Johnny says without an ounce of worry on his face as he rolls a joint.

Before you walk into the house, you stop and ask Johnny again, "You really bet against me?"

"Look, it's not that I think he's the better racer," Johnny pauses to wet the ends of the papers with his tongue, "But you weren't gonna pass up a chance to let him take you out," he teases.

Johnny begins laughing as you hit his arm, "I told you it was the fucking cat."

You leave Johnny, still laughing, on the porch, entering the house. Making your way through the crowded hallway, you reach the kitchen, finding Nyla, Summer, and Jaehyun along with Goeun.

"Finally, what took you so long? Almost hit another cat on your way over?" Summer asks, sipping on her drink.

"Haha, very fucking funny," you spit, flipping her off.

"Here, calm down, and take this," Johnny hands you the lit joint.

"Where do you even think the cat came from? Was it alone? What if it was a mother and she had a litter? Oh my god no, we have to go back and find it," Goeun asks, making it very clear she's already a few shots in.

Now if someone brings that cat up one more time…

"Can we please just stop talking about the cat," you sigh, taking one last drag.

Passing off the joint to Jaehyun, your mind was already growing hazy, your body feeling less weighed down, and you wandered out of the kitchen. You spot Jaemin and Jeno in the backyard smoking with Yuqi, Mingi, and Doyeon. Yuqi lifts the joint toward you, offering before you tell her you're good for now. You were then drawn to the living room when you heard Haechan's voice going back and forth with another's.

"Dude, stop running me over!" Haechan complained.

"Stop getting in my way!" Sunwoo yelled back.

The two boys had planted themselves in front of the TV, quickly moving their fingers over the controls in their hands as they played GTA. Aside from the ones entertained by Hyuck and Sunwoo playing, the living room was packed with others dancing, drinking, and smoking, so you didn't even attempt to make your way through.

You spun on your heels and continued to meander around the house. But you were stopped in your tracks when you were approached by Mark.

"Peace offering?" Mark hands you a drink.

"You know I'm not actually mad about losing, Mark. At least not to you," you take the cup from him, sipping the contents as he leans against the walls next to you.

"Does that mean, if I would've just asked you instead; a date or my car, you would've chosen-"

"Your car, definitely," you say, "Mark, you're cute and all but your car...That's like a wet dream on wheels," you tell him, and he bursts into laughter. 

"You think I'm cute?" he asks, raising a brow at you.

It registers that that is what you said to him, even without realizing it. But it's not like it's a lie, so you don't deny it.

"I do." Always have. "And fortunately, you still have your car. So where do you plan on taking me in it?"

"I'm not telling you that."

You scoff, "Why not?"

"It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises." you whine.

"You didn't seem to hate me surprising you tonight."

"That's different."

"You'll like this one," Mark tells you.

"What if you're wrong and I hate it?"

"You won't." Mark wasn't going to crack, depriving you of the information.

"Fine. But when I imagine you've planned out the most extravagant date of the century, and it doesn't meet my expectations and turns out the be the worst date of my life, I will never let you live it down, Mark Lee," you say.

He laughed at your dramatics, "I'll take that chance."

"Can I at least know when to expect this to happen?" you ask.

"Are you free tomorrow?"

"I can be."

"Perfect. I'll pick you up at 6."

"Who gets dinner at 6. We aren't seniors, Mark."

"Who said I was just taking you dinner?" he tilts his head. 

"You've only been here about 36 hours and I've only known you're back for three of them, how could you have possibly planned something already?"

"Just gotta trust me," he says, lifting his cup to lips, "And wear something nice. Not too nice. But nice."

"Wow, Mark, that is so helpful." 

"I do what I can," he smiles at you rolling your eyes. 

Mark only breaks eye contact when he feels the intruding gaze of another.

"Okay, I don't know if it's just me, but why does Leo look like he wants to hit me with his car."

Ignoring any subtleties, you turn to find exactly what Mark was talking about. Across the room, you see Leo leaning against a wall, drinking his beer, and glaring at you and Mark. 

You scoff and wave it off, "It's nothing. He's just trying that big bad intimidating ex-boyfriend shit. Thinks it's actually gonna work and bring me right back into his arms," you sip your drink.

"No way you dated him," Mark stares at you, jaw dropped, "Jesus, I leave and you suddenly lose your taste in men."

"Shut up," you shove him with a laugh.

A soft smile comes to your face as you find yourself getting lost in Mark's eyes. That was until you were interrupted by someone calling your name to get your attention.

Mark could feel his posture correcting itself as Yeonjun approached the corner you both occupied, you with open arms.

Yeonjun was another ex of yours. But you only dated for a couple months in high school before ending things on good terms, agreeing to just stay friends.

"Should've known if there was gonna be one person to actually get you out there on the track, it would be Mark," Yeonjun says, "What's up, man," he greets Mark.

"Hey, man," Mark nods.

It's not like Mark had anything against the man. They were pretty well acquainted through you and the other mutual friends he shared with Yeonjun. But it was the little prick of a feeling some may describe as a bit of jealousy Mark gets when he sees Yeonjun with you sometimes. Especially now, considering how close you and Yeonjun were before, Mark can only imagine what it's like now, and he's suddenly regretting all the time he's missed.

"Yeah, since he's not a little bitch and can actually give me a race worth my while," you tease Yeonjun, putting a smile on Mark's face.

"Oh, I know you're not grouping me in with the rest of them," Yeonjun pointed over his shoulder, "fell for the trap last time, and it cost me a Camaro."

"Don't worry. You know she's been in good hands," you say.

"Yeah. And you wasted no time with a new paint job, I see," Yeonjun crossed his arms over his chest.

"It was very much needed. I don't know what it is with you guys and that horrendous orange," you scrunch your face.

"So pink was the obvious answer?" Yeonjun asks.

"It's fuchsia, actually. And yes, it was," you nod, making both of them laugh. 

Your exchange with Yeonjun is cut short when he hears Wooyoung calling him from the other room. 

"I'll catch you guys later. Good seeing you, Mark," Yeonjun nods at Mark as he leaves, Mark doing the same.

"So, let me get this straight; you raced me in a car you already won from Yeonjun, trying to win mine," Mark crosses his arms.

"First, you offered up your car. Second, I've never had a Mitsubishi," You say.

"Good thing I won then," he laughs, and you shoot him a death glare. "Thought there were no hard feelings," he responds to your expression.

"Don't start poking the bear, Lee."

[3:37 AM]

You and Mark barely separated from one another all night, the two of you now sitting in the backyard, still smoking the joint Jaemin left for you two to finish.

"You okay over there?" Mark's voice breaks the peaceful silence and brings you back to reality. You look over at Mark, and your face splits into a smile before you burst into laughter.

"What?" Mark starts laughing along with you.

"Nothing. Sorry I'm just.." you couldn't find the words to even describe what's going on in your head right now, "incredibly high," you sigh.

Mark continues laughing with you, soothing the embarrassment you feel prick up your spine. 

"I missed this. And I missed you," Mark says.

"Me too," you smile, "All I could think about the whole night was how much it felt like the first time we met."

"Oh, you mean the same night Johnny almost got bagged?" Mark starts laughing uncontrollably as the memory comes back.

"Yes," you begin laughing as well.

"Do you remember the panic on his face when he was running," he manages to say between gasps for air. 

"I've never seen Johnny so scared," you say, your lungs begging for oxygen as you continue to laugh.

"I heard my name, you two talking about me?" Johnny steps out onto the deck.

"Yeah, and that first meet I went to when I saved your ass from the cops," you say.

Johnny scoffed, "What are you talking about?"

"Dude, how could you not remember?" Mark asks, "It was right after you raced Changkyun and you were busy talking to Yves and Jun when the cops showed up." he says.

"But good thing you left the keys in the car and since Mark was too busy freaking out, someone had to do something," you add.

"Alright, I was not freaking out," Mark says.

"It was a mild freak out," you say to him.

"Huh," Johnny nods, looking as if he's going through the archives of his memory, "I very vaguely remember that happening," Johnny says as he lights another joint.

"Maybe if you didn't smoke so much you'd remember," you mutter, sipping your water.

"I know you're not talking," Johnny pointed at you with the spliff between his lips.

"Sungchan's passed out on the front lawn," Haechan comes outside to tell Johnny.

"Okay, find Jeno or Jae and move him upstairs," Johnny says.

"Jeno already left and no one's seen Jaehyun in a while," Haechan says.

"Shit," Johnny sighs, taking a drag, "Mark, come on," he hits Mark's shoulder.

"Now how'd I get dragged into this?" Mark asks.

"Man, just come help us get him upstairs," Johnny tells Mark. With an annoyed grumble, Mark gets up, and you laugh as Mark follows the other two back into the house.

You only went back inside to refill your cup with more water when you bumped into Yeonjun again.

"Hey, you're still here." Yeonjun says.

"Yeah," you answer with a lazy smile.

He laughs at your hazy state, "You good?"

"I'm great," you reply.

Yeonjun smiles, "Well we're about to head out. Do you need a ride home?"

You only had two choices; either walk home or crash here at Johnny's. But now Yeonjun's presenting you with this third choice, and it definitely is tempting.

But Mark.

"I'm good," you nod.

"Okay, I'll see you later."

"I'll see you," you wave as Yeonjun runs off to catch up with the rest of his friends, getting into Hwiyoung's car.

This is when you finally notice how much things have calmed down. The cars lining the streets were no longer taking up the whole block. Now, the house was cleared out of mostly everyone, save for the ones who were crashing there for the night. 

"Are you heading out?" Mark asks, coming down the stairs.

"I mean, I probably should. I'm exhausted and I've got to rest up for this big date we have tomorrow," you say.

"You're not driving, right?"

"Of course not. I'm not too far."

"I'll take you."

"Mark, you are not driving either," you say, knowing he's also been drinking and smoking.

"I know. I'm walking you," Mark says, "Let me go grab my phone," he brushes past you and back out to the backyard.

"Hey," you heard from someone else coming down the stairs.

You furrow your brows at your roommate, "You're actually still here? Where have you been all night?" You ask Nyla.

"You know…around," she answered.

It was then you noticed Nyla wearing a shirt she didn't leave the house in, but you don't say anything about it at the moment.

"You ready to go?" Mark asks you.

"Wait, you're leaving?" Nyla asks.

"Yup," you answer.

"Do you want me to go with you?" she asks.

"Do you want to go with me?" you ask her.

Before she can answer, Jaehyun comes down the stairs buttoning up a shirt he wasn't wearing before, smirking at your best friend as he walks past to the kitchen.

Nyla looked internally conflicted, so you made the decision for her. "You can stay. Mark's gonna walk me home."

"Mark, you're an angel," Nyla grabs his face. "I love you. Text me when you're home," she says to you, kissing your cheek.

"You better be using protection. I'm too young to be an auntie," you say sternly to her.

"You'd be one hot auntie, though," she winks over her shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen.

"You sure would be," Mark mumbles as he leans against the doorframe.

"Mark, don't start with me," you glare at him as you walk out of the house.

"What do you mean?" he asks, following you.

"The Mark Lee I knew couldn't flirt to save his life. But now, you keep saying things like that and with you looking like this," you sighed, "It makes things confusing."

"How?" he asks.

"Cause you're Mark."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

You don't know how you're supposed to answer him. "I'm not telling you."

"Well, do you want me to stop?"

You took a second to answer, "No."

For a few minutes, you only walked in comfortable silence before you broke it. "So how long are you staying?" you ask.

"Don't know yet. My brother's wedding is next month so I came back to help with preparations and stuff. But I don't know, might stick around for a while after."

You gasp, "Oh my god, your brother's getting married?? No fucking way, congrats to him."

"Thanks, I'll pass it along," he smiled.

"I bet your mom's excited."

"Yeah, and fortunately for me, it's got her too preoccupied to be any way worried about my dating life," he says. "She still asks me about you, you know. Says she misses you."

"Aw, I miss her too," you pout.

Okay, so maybe you downplayed how close you really were.

From the moment you met, it didn't take much for you to become friends. Once you had realized you went to the same school and were even in some of the same classes, you grew close. Mark introduced you to all his friends, who then became your friends and vice versa. Any time he got word of a meet happening, you were always the first person he texted, saying he was already on his way to come get you. Mark would walk with you after school to your father's garage and let you teach him a few things about fixing up and modifying cars. Your families were both fond of the relationship the two of you had; Mark's inviting you to dinner almost every week, and yours never minding having Mark over for breakfast Saturday mornings.

As you turned down your street, you were then reminded of Mark's last night here. After his going away party, he walked you home just like this for the last time before he left.

"I've missed you too, Mark. Really," you tell him once you reach your house.

You hug him, and he wraps his arms around you. Hugging him now is much different than the last time you had. You had cried into his shirt, squeezing him so tight you didn't want to let him go. And a part of you wished you didn't. But at least letting go this time doesn't hurt as much as it did the last.

"Goodnight, Mark."

"Goodnight," he says.

"I'll be seeing you," you say, making your way up to the door.

"You'll be seeing me," he reassures, waiting for you to enter your house before walking back to Johnny's.

[5:43 PM] SATURDAY

"Can I get a time check?" you ask.

"Almost quarter to 6," Summer answers.

You started cursing under your breath, rushing to apply your mascara.

"Wow, I've never seen you like this?" Nyla says.

"Like what?" you ask, never taking your eyes away from the mirror.

"Nervous to go on a date with a boy," she says teasingly.

"First, I'm not nervous," you point the mascara wand at her, "Second, he's not just some boy," you turn back to your reflection.

You heard your phone vibrate with a notification and looked at the text from Mark.

[5:49 PM] mark:  omw to come get you 

Fuck. And you weren't even dressed yet.

"Shit—okay, maybe I am a little nervous," you left your vanity and threw off your robe to slip into your dress.

"You really like him, don't you?" Nyla asks.

"You don't know the half of it," Summer interjects.

"What is that supposed to mean?" you ask, struggling to zip your dress.

"Bitch, are you for real right now?" Summer deadpans, helping you with the dress, "You were so unbelievably head over heels for him in high school."

"I was not," you defended.

"You and Mark seem to be the only ones who didn't know that," she zips you up.

You couldn't think of anything to say to that, but thankfully you didn't have to anymore once your phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

"I'm outside," Mark's voice filters through the speaker.

"Fuck," you mutter, "Okay, sorry, I'm almost ready," you tell him.

"No worries, I'll still be here."

You hung up and ran around your room, looking through your closet and frantically throwing things out of the way to find your shoes. 

"I literally just saw them. Where the fuck are they?" you say to yourself.

"You mean these?" Nyla pulls the heels from under your bed.

"Thank you," you grab the shoes and slip them on.

"Damn, you look real good," Summer compliments as you finish putting on your jewelry.

"Do I really?" you ask, making sure your hair is sitting just how you want it.

"Hell yeah," Nyla agreed.

"Okay," you take a deep breath, smoothing out the silk draped over your body before leaving your room.

"Have fun!" Nyla yelled after you.

You step out of your house to find Mark leaning against a black Porsche you recognize as one of Jaehyun's instead of his signature red Mitsubishi Evolution. You would be disappointed if he didn't look so good standing next to the car.

Mark pushed himself away from the car when he saw you coming down the steps, completely in awe. Meanwhile, you were just focused on not tripping and stumbling down onto your face.

"Hi," you walk up to him. 

"Hi," he seemed speechless, "You look…shit. I mean, not like that—You just look beautiful."

"Thank you, Mark," you grin, "You're looking pretty fine yourself."

"You know, I try," he smooths out his jacket, "Shall we?" he opens the passenger door for you.

You smile as you step toward the car, Mark taking your hand, helping you in before closing the door and rushing over to the driver's side.

Once you've clicked yourself in with the seatbelt, you look up to see Mark staring at you. "What?"

"Nothing," he clears his throat, pulling off.

You tried not to get too lost in looking at Mark, staring out the window instead, trying to figure out where he was taking you. But then you feel his hand brush against yours when he reaches for the gear lever. You couldn't help it, letting your eyes wander over to him. Curtains of blonde hair hung slightly over his eyes as they were focused on the road. Your eyes drift down to the material perfectly tailored to his broad shoulders, taking note of the color he chose to wear, a deep shade of blue, one of your favorite colors.

"We're here," Marks says, and you snap out of it, looking around to see where he's brought you. Mark exits the car first and comes to open your door for you.

"Mark, you didn't."

"I did," Mark smiled, "Put this on," he handed you a lanyard reading VIP.

"Where the fuck did you get these?" you ask.

He ignores your question and holds his hand out for you instead, "Come on."

You slide your hand into his and follow him toward the entrance.

As Mark leads you to your seats, you realize you're not in the packed sections with the rest of the screaming fans. But instead where most executives, family members of racers, and people with enough money to buy their way into this section were. Your eyes were as wide as continental tires as you sat down. 

"Mark…" now it was your turn to be speechless.

"Does this meet your expectations?" he asks as you look around in awe.

"No," you say, "Definitely surpassed them."

The crowd erupted into cheers as the drivers walked out to their cars.

"Oh my god," you gasp, "It's him."

Kim Jongin, or as he's famously known, Kai, walks out. He brightly smiles at the fans screaming his name and waves into the audience. You're too starstruck to move. And even think your heart has stopped beating when Kai looks in your direction.

"Mark! You made it," Kai walks over to you and Mark.

"Told you I would, man," Mark greets Kai, "I also said I would introduce you to one of the best street racers I know."

Kai looks at you, his smile never faltering as he extends his hand to shake yours.

"Holy shit," is all you can say as you shake his hand, "I'm like a huge fan," you tell Kai.

"So I've been told. I've also heard you put up some serious game out on the track," Kai says before one of his crew members calls him to his car. "I gotta run, but how about you guys stick around after the race and come down to the pit."

You're certain your jaw's already on the floor, in complete disbelief that this is happening right now.

"Yeah, for sure," Mark says.

Kai waves at you one last time before running off to the track, putting on his helmet, and jumping into his car. Once you were out of your trance, you hit Mark's arm.

"Ow!" Mark rubbed his bicep.

"Since when the fuck do you know Kai?" you ask.

"Since Kevin was just getting into the NIRA circuit. I went to one of the digs with him and that was where I met Kai."

You've been following Kai's career practically since it started back when you were a high school freshman. You probably even watched the exact meet Mark was talking about. 

"And you've just been sitting on this piece of information, waiting for what to tell me?"

"For this." Mark answers.

"I can't believe you," you mutter, turning away from him. 

[8:32 PM] 

As Kai tended to the post-race press, you and Mark waited for the first-place winner in the pit. You were busy drooling over what was under the hood of Kai's car while Mark conversed with Shohei, a pit crew member.

"So what do you think?" Kai reappears, asking you.

"I think if I was out there on the track, I'd have a reason to be scared," you say, "An FR9 engine, a nos wet fogger system, and forged pistons," you only list off the components you can see from just taking one look, impressing the racer.

"You really do know your shit," Kai smiles, "I like her," he says to Mark.

"Yeah, me too," Mark smiled at you.

"Wanna take her for a lap?" Kai asks you.

"Me?" you point to yourself, "In this?" then to the car.

"Why not?" Kai shrugs, handing you a helmet.

"She isn't exactly dressed for-" another crew member, Eunseok, started.

But you kick off your heels and grab the helmet, making sure your dress doesn't hike up your legs too high as you slide through the window to get into the race car.

"Man, she's got this," Mark reassures Eunseok as Kai gets in the car with you.

"You good in there?" you hear Mark's voice from inside the helmet.

"You know I'm more than good," you reply.

"And don't I know that for damn sure," you hear the smirk in his voice, "But I've talked you up to pretty much everyone here, so don't embarrass me," he says light-heartedly.

Your barefoot steps on the gas and a smile splits your face as you burn out the tires before accelerating. The wind whipped against your skin as you picked up speed. You felt like you were flying as Kai hysterically egged you on from the passenger seat.

Mark could hear your laughter through the com piece in your helmet, telling you're having the time of your life with the way you round the track. The car roared around the corners, and you felt the G-forces pushing you back into the seat. At the end of the lap, you pulled the car back into the pit, taking the helmet off to catch your breath.

"Now that's what I call driving!" Kai exclaimed as he got out of the car from the passenger side window.

You pulled yourself out of the seat and exited through the window. Mark was right there to help you even though he knew you didn't really need his assistance. You feel Mark's arm around your waist, the other the under your thighs, helping you out of the vehicle and letting you hold onto him to put your shoes back on.

"Between that and everything else I've been told, you better hold onto her, Mark."

"I don't think there's any other choice. She's stuck with me," Mark grabs your hand, "We should probably start leaving now before we're late." Mark says to you, looking at his watch.

"It was good seeing you again, and it truly was an honor to meet you," Kai bowed as he took your hand and kissed your knuckles.

"The honor was all mine. And you know, if you ever need a tune-up, or tires changed or even a buff, my garage always has its door opened for you," you smile.

"I'll keep that in mind," Kai nods with a smile.

"What are we even getting paid for, then?" Seunghan raised his arms.

Once back in the car, Mark weaved through the traffic of spectators leaving the stadium to get on the highway. You didn't notice Mark still holding your hand, only driving with one hand so his fingers could stay intertwined with yours until you reached the restaurant.

[9:41 PM]

"It was just so crazy. To feel that much power in the grips of my hands." you continued. You couldn't help but talk through the entirety of dinner, recounting the events of the night; Mark not minding one bit.

Mark slides his hand closer to yours across the table, taking your hand in his.

You trail off, suddenly losing focus while looking at Mark. Even in the dim candlelight of the restaurant, you can see how Mark's eyes hold the stars as he looks at you.

"You don't have to stop," Mark says, "I like listening to you," he rubs his thumb over the back of your hand.

"And I just like looking at you," you say, "Still think I'm going to wake up from this dream at any moment."

"You dream about me often?" Mark asks teasingly, leaning on the table.

"Oh, Markie," you lean closer too, "You really don't know the half of it, huh?"

"Why don't you tell me then?" Mark says, his eyes falling down to your lips.

"I'd rather show you," you say before kissing him.

You were never one to really be for public displays of affection, but with Mark, here and now, it just felt right.

"I've wanted to do that ever since sophomore year," you tell him once you pull away.

"Deadass?" Mark asks, raising his brows.

You laugh at his stunned expression, "Deadass, Mark."

"So Renjun was right," he mumbles to himself.

"About what?"

"You having a crush on me in high school."

"Seems like you were the only one who didn't know," you shrug.

"Well, don't act like you didn't know I had one on you too," Mark says, and your brows raise, "Wait, really? You didn't know?" he asks.

"Of course, I didn't Mark. How was I supposed to?"

"I don't know. But I mean, it was pretty obvious," Mark says, and you scoff.

You could pretty much say the same to him. 

"God, I'm such an idiot," Mark shakes his head, and you laugh, squeezing his hand. 

"My idiot," you kiss him again.

[11:56 PM]

With the night coming to an end, you feel a slight pang of sorrow as Mark nears your house.

Mark's hand holding yours, squeezes lightly, bringing you out of your thoughts once he's parked on your street. He kissed the back of your hand before exiting the car, opening your door, and helping you out. 

You slide his jacket off your shoulders and hand it back to Mark for him to toss into the backseat.

"So," Mark starts.

"So," you take a step closer to him.

"You can truthfully tell me if it really was the worst date of your life," he said with a smile.

You roll your eyes, "Maybe it wasn't."

"Damn, it does feel good being right."

"The night isn't over. There's still time for my answer to change."

"How much time?"

You look at your phone, "Two minutes and 30 seconds."

Mark was the one to initiate the kiss this time. He placed his hands on your hips and pulled you flush against his body. You allow Mark's tongue to slip into your mouth, and he hums at the taste of your lipgloss mixed with the wine you drank. Mark pulls away so you can both catch your breath, and you rest your forehead against his.

"Well?"

"Well, this has officially been the best date I've been on," you smile.

He lifts your chin, getting you to look at him, and kisses you one last time.

"Goodnight," he says.

"Goodnight, Mark," you begin to walk up your front steps.

"Wait," Mark stops you, "This isn't gonna be a one time thing is it?"

"Do you want it to be?" you ask.

"No."

"Okay. You'll be seeing me, Mark."

"I'm counting on it."

Walking up to your door, you see the movement of the curtains in the window and shake your head as you put in your key. As expected, the moment you enter your house, you're met with Nyla and Summer waiting for you.

"Date must've gone well," Summer says.

"What makes you say so?" you ask.

"That was pretty intense between you two out on the steps, and you're still grinning like an idiot," Nyla tells you.

"I am not," you deny with said grin still plastered on your face.

[1:34 PM] MONDAY

Mark steps onto the front porch, joining the rest who were outside. He finds you among them in Johnny's driveway, working on Jungwoo's car.

"Whatcha doing?" Mark asks, approaching you.

"Jungwoo says it doesn't sound right so I'm trying to adjust the cylinders and change the air pressure intake," you say.

You might as well have been wearing an expensive white dress and standing at an altar with the way Mark's looking at you. Mark watches as you carefully maneuver your way around the engine, sure not to interfere with anything valuable.

"Try that," you tell Jungwoo, who was sitting behind the wheel.

Jungwoo started his car and revved up the engine a few times, the loud roar sounding like music to your ears. You smile, satisfied, and close the hood of the car.

"You are an angel, you know that," Jungwoo says, appreciatively kissing your cheek before wandering off.

"Yeah, I know," you smile, turning to Mark, "Hi."

"Hi." you notice Mark lick his lips as he eyes you.

"What?"

"Nothing. That was just kinda hot," Mark tells you.

"Yeah? All this sweat and grease really doing it for you?" you joke, wiping your hands with a rag.

"You're definitely doing it for me," Mark says, pulling you toward him by your waist.

Mark kisses you, and you practically melt against his lips. You have to fight the urge to run your fingers through his hair, waiting until you properly wash your hands. You circle your arms around his neck instead, but things don't get too heated as your phone starts ringing.

"You mind?" you ask Mark. He hands you your phone, and you step away to take the call. 

"Everything okay?" Mark asks as you return to him.

"Yeah," you tell him before turning to everyone in the front yard, "So, how many of you love me enough to come swing by the garage with me?" you sweetly smile at your friends.

You aren't given a direct answer, but they all move from their spots and start getting into their cars, Mark following you to yours and riding with you.

. . .

You knew signing for the delivery wouldn't have taken long, but no one seemed to be in a rush to leave as they all busied themselves around the autobody shop. 

"Damn I really have missed this place," Mark says, looking around with a soft smile. 

"You know you've been equally missed," you tell him.

"Say it ain't so. Mark Lee, is that you?" you hear your dad's voice behind you.

"Yes, sir," Mark extends his arm to shake your dad's hand.

You try to continue focusing on the paperwork in front of you as the two exchange small talk before your dad mentions having Mark over for dinner.

"Oh, I couldn't impose-" Mark started.

"It wasn't imposing before, and it still isn't now," your dad says, "Your mom would love to have him over for dinner," he says to you.

"She would," you agree.

"Great, come over next Wednesday," he tells Mark before Soojin pulls your dad away to deal with a customer.

"Come with me," you round the desk and take Mark's hand. 

Mark follows your lead through the shop as you take him to where some of your friends congregated around Shotaro's station. 

"Hey, Taro. You busy?" you ask, getting his attention.

"Not really," Shotaro says. 

"Mark, this is Shotaro. Shotaro, this is Mark." you introduce them.

The Sagittarius' eyes widen as he extends his hand to Mark, "Holy shit, I've seen you race. You're like a god."

"Wow, thank-" Mark begins.

"Alright, I wouldn't say all that," you say.

"Have you seen him drive?" Shotaro asks.

"Of course, he's the only person that can keep up with me. But he usually never beats me over that line," you say with half a smirk.

Shotaro's brows furrow, "Wait, you race?"

Having only been working here a few months, you don't blame Shotaro for not knowing.

"I don't as much as I used to," you say.

"This isn't the first time I've heard this. Why is that?" Mark asks.

You shrug. "I don't know. I guess between school and helping manage this place I kinda lost my enthusiasm about it," you look down at the spare tire on the ground, softly kicking it, suddenly feeling everyone's eyes on you, "And it kinda just wasn't the same without you."

Mark looks as if he's endeared by what you've said. But you clear your throat and quickly change the subject.

"But anyway, how did the dry system hold up?" You ask Shotaro.

"Pretty good. Better than my last one," Shotaro tells you, lifting the hood of his car.

"Holy shit, where did you find these parts?" Mark asks as a few of you gather around the automobile. 

"Only knew one place to find them. So I had them imported from Yokohama," Shotaro says.

"Shotaro, you're definitely riding with us to race wars," Hendery says. 

"You guys are going too?" Shotaro asks.

"Yeah. Actually, speaking of, how many of us are going to race wars?" Jaehyun asks.

You and Mark used to talk about going to race wars all the time but never got the chance to when you were in high school because your parents would never let you. And by the time you were able to go, Mark wasn't there to be with you, so it just didn't have the same feeling without him.

"Pretty sure all of us here. Probably the rest of the others, too," Jeno says.

"Mark, you're coming?" Jisung asks.

"When is it?" Mark asks.

"It's supposed to be the beginning of next month, but the exact date and location haven't been posted yet. I'll let you know once I find out," Jaemin says.

"Okay," Mark nods, "As long as it doesn't interfere with my brother's wedding, I'll go."

"You could always not go?" Chenle jokes.

"Dude, he's my brother, and I'm the best man."

Everyone now turns their attention to Mark.

"What the fuck? Since when?" Ten asks.

"Since I found out my brother was engaged," Mark answers.

"So you just don't tell anyone shit around here anymore?" you joke.

Mark playfully rolls his eyes, poking his cheek with his tongue.

God, why is he so hot. 

You curl your arms around his, "Mark, you have to come. We've always wanted to go together," you pout.

"I know, I know," Mark holds your hand, "If I can, I will. I promise."

That was good enough for you for now.

"Okay."

[6:50 PM] THURSDAY

"Hello?" you answer the phone.

"You still at the garage?" Mark asks.

"Yeah, but I'm about to leave in a few minutes."

"Wanna come over to my place? Watch a movie and maybe drink this bottle of wine I have sitting in front of me."

"I'll need to go home and shower first. I'm all sweaty and greasy," you say.

"I don't really mind. Sweat, grease, and all."

"Well, I do. So I'll be over in an hour."

Mark kisses his teeth, "Fine."

[8:02 PM] 

Pulling up to Mark's house, you don't know why you expected it to be any different than how you remember it. But it was the same color and layout and even still had the dent in the garage door from when Yuta accidentally backed into it.

Mark answers the door wearing an old t-shirt, shorts, and glasses. Those goddamn glasses. 

"Hi," Mark smiles at you.

"Hi," you step into the house, allowing Mark to pull you in for a kiss. "You miss me or something?" you ask.

"Guess you can say that."

Slipping off your shoes and jacket, you follow Mark into the living room.

"Your parents here?" you ask.

"Nah, they went with my brother to meet the future in-laws," Mark answers. "You want a glass?" he points to the wine bottle sitting on the table.

"Yes, please," you sigh, collapsing onto the couch.

"Long day?"

"Yeah, but it's nothing I'm not used to." you take the wineglass he hands you.

Mark listens to you go on about your day after he asks, only briefly interrupted when he goes to answer the door for the delivery of the food you didn't even know he ordered. After eating your fill of pizza, you continue to watch the movie. You notice how much closer you are now than when you first arrived. You went from sitting right next to Mark to being seated between his legs, your back against his chest.

"Now, I gotta ask, who's your favorite?"

"Spider-man? Garfield for sure. I love the other two but The Amazing Spider-Man has a special place in my heart," you hold your hand over your chest.

"You were supposed to say me," Mark grumbles, rolling his eyes.

You laugh, turning to him, "Mark, you only dressed up once senior year, and that's cause you lost a bet."

"But you can't say I don't make a good Peter Parker," he says.

"Only if I can be your MJ," you joke.

Mark closes the space between you, softly pressing his lips to yours. Having seen No Way Home enough times opening weekend, you didn't mind Mark distracting you from the rest of the movie. You reposition yourself to straddle him and bring your lips back to his. The hands Mark has on your hips move down to cup your ass. Then you start laughing.

"Sorry, did I overstep?" Mark asks, moving his hands away.

"No, you didn't. It's just..nothing, sorry," you apologize. 

You start kissing him, cupping his face before you feel his two hands on your ass again, unable to stop the giggles bubbling in your throat.

"What?" Mark can't help but laugh now. 

"I'm sorry. I just can't stop thinking about your hands on my ass."

"What's so funny about that?" he asks.

"Nothing. It's just, I can't believe my best friend, Mark Lee, is kissing me with his hands on my ass," you cover your eyes, trying to explain. You shake your head, trying not to overthink this too much. "I swear I'm not laughing at you. I'm just nervous, I guess."

"What for?"

"Because it's you," you say, peaking at him through your fingers.

"I make you that nervous, baby?" Mark pulls your hands away from your face with a crooked smile. 

Is he trying to make you spontaneously combust?? 

"Maybe," you answer.

"Think I can do something to change that," he says, "Come here," he juts his chin toward you, signaling you to kiss him.

You let all thoughts fade away as you leaned into Mark. You grab the sides of his face, pressing your lips to him.

Mark keeps his hands off you until he can practically feel the desperation in your body, letting your hands roam all over him.

Feeling Mark's hands slide up your thighs to your ass made you softly moan into his mouth as he pressed you into his groin.

"Mark…" you breathe shakily.

"You need something?"

"Yeah, you."

You could hear your heart banging against your chest like a drum as you followed Mark up the stairs to his room, your hand in his.

Entering his room, you can see it hasn't changed much either. The same posters are still on the walls, his guitar sitting in its designated corner by his bed, and the small piles of clothes scattered over the floor. You didn't have the chance to get a good look at much else as Mark's lips were back on yours once he closed the door.

The backs of your legs hit the edge of his bed before you fall down onto it. Mark looks down at you lying on his bed, tongue darting out to wet his dry lips, taking his glasses off, and tossing them onto the bed. Mark grabs one of your legs, making space between them for himself, bringing his lips back to yours. Once he starts kissing your neck, you know you're already done for. 

"Mark, please," you arch into his touch.

"What, baby?"

"Touch me."

"I am touching you," he smirks, nipping at your jaw.

"God, since when were you such a fucking tease," you say, making him laugh.

"You mean here?" he asks, cupping your sex.

"Mhm," you tug your teeth between your teeth, nodding.

Mark looks into your eyes as he undoes the string of your sweatpants, making sure this is okay. When you don't tell him to stop, Mark slips his hand into your pants, pressing his fingers to the damp cotton, still acting as a barrier, keeping you from what you want.

"You this wet for me, princess?"

You shutter at his use of the pet name, "Yes."

"Mmm," he hums, watching your body react to the smallest of his touches. Mark then pulls your underwear to the side and teases your silt with his middle finger. Your jaw drops, silently moaning when you feel one of his fingers breach your walls. 

"Damn, baby, you're soaking for me," Mark smirks against your navel, moving your shirt out of his way as he kisses his way up your stomach.

"Mark, don't say things like that," you whine.

"Why?"

"Cause it's turning me on even more," you roll your hips into his hand.

"That doesn't sound like a reason to stop to me," he stopped kissing your skin once he reached your sternum, "Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

"Good. I'm only getting started," Mark pulls his hand away.

Before you could even protest, Mark's tugging your sweats down your legs, your panties along with them, getting you to lift your hips so he could throw them to the floor. You watch Mark lower himself to his knees on the floor before the bed, directing each of your legs over his shoulders. He softly kisses your inner thighs, nipping your sensitive skin between his teeth.

Mark pulls you closer to his face, looking up at you with eyes blown wide with lust. You try to keep your composure when Mark's tongue licks a fat stripe up your slit. Mark moans at the taste of you, and holds your legs apart as he buries his head between your thighs. Your small whimpers gradually grow into cries of Mark's name as he brings his fingers back to your core, slowly sinking two digits into your pussy.

"Fuck, that feels so good," you comb your fingers through his hair as he catches your clit between his lips.

Your back arches into the air, and you tug harshly on his roots, making him groan into your pussy. Mark's middle and ring finger curl against your velvety walls, moving in a come hither motion once he finds your sweet spot. Between the movements of his head and his fingers pumping in and out of you, you can feel the coil in your stomach tighten.

"Mark.." you sharply moan, "P-Please, don't stop," you beg.

Mark could feel his shorts growing uncomfortably tight the more he heard you moan and felt your pussy flutter around his fingers.

"You wanna cum for me, pretty girl?"

"Yes, Mark, please."

If your eyes didn't flutter shut, you would've caught the smirk on his face before he attacked your clit with his tongue.

At this point, you're no longer able to form full sentences. Mark's mouth makes you lose your senses and every coherent thought you have.

Mark's fingers dig into the plush of your thighs, keeping you from squirming too much as he eats you out like a man feasting after days of starving. 

"Oh my god!" your eyes roll back, "M'gonna cum," you warn through a whimper.

Mark never let up. The pace of his fingers picking up and his tongue flicking against your sensitive bundle of nerves had your toes curling. Your legs closed around his head once your orgasm hit you. Your cries and trembling legs went unnoticed by Mark as he was too enamored with the feeling and taste of you in his mouth.

"Mark, Mark, Mark," you whine, softly pushing his head away.

You open your eyes to find Mark with his fingers in his mouth, licking your slick off them. Even through your fatigue, seeing him with messy hair from you pulling on it and his face glistening with your juices reignited your insatiable desire for him.

"You okay?"

"Okay? Am I okay?" you raise a brow, "Mark, I can't remember the last time someone made me cum like that from just going down on me," you throw your arm over your eyes, still coming down from your high.

"I'm glad to be of service, then," he moves your arm away, kissing you.

You tangle your fingers in his hair, moaning around his tongue when it clashes with your own, tasting yourself on his lips.

You flip Mark onto the bed without breaking the kiss, and he rests his hands on your thighs, roughly kneading your flesh. You hum, feeling his hard clothed cock resting between your folds, Mark grabbing your ass to get you to roll your hips into his, letting a sound that closely resembles a whine climb up his throat.

Mark chases after your lips when you pull away, opening his eyes to see you admiring him.

"You're so pretty, Mark," you say, softly brushing his hair out of his eyes, and you swear you heard a whimper slip from his swollen lips.

Mark blushes, turning away from you so you don't notice. But you do. You grab his jaw, making him look at you, and pull him close enough, your lips to ghost over his.

"My pretty boy," you kiss his lips.

His cock stirs beneath you as you kiss your way down his neck. You tug on the collar of his shirt, getting Mark to pull it over his head, throwing it to the floor next to your clothes. You run your hand down his toned chest, a light trail of hair on his lower stomach disappearing into his shorts.

"Can I?" you ask, hooking your finger in the waistband of his shorts.

"Yeah," Mark nods.

Once his pants are off, you're both left in only one piece of clothing; his boxers and your shirt.

You kneel between his legs while Mark sits back on his hands, just watching you. Resting your hand on his leg, you softly squeeze his thigh before slowly sliding over to the bulge in his underwear. Palming the outline of his heavy cock has Mark tilting his head back, but not too much so he can still watch you as you waste no more time and release his dick from its confinements.

Your eyes widen, and the corners of your lips twitch, seeing his cock spring free, lightly slapping against his lower stomach. Precum dribbles from his slit and your mouth practically waters. You wrap your fingers around his length, smearing the beads of precum with your thumb. His cock twitches in your grasp, a raspy groan falling from his lips and shooting straight to your core.

"Mark, please tell me you have a condom somewhere in this house," you look at him through your lashes.

"Second drawer," he nods to his nightstand.

"Were you stocking up for this?" you ask, finding the industrial-sized box.

"No," Mark laughs, "Donghyuck 'gifted' that to me after our first date."

"Now, why would he do that?" you ask, straddling his thigh.

You already know your friend can have a perverted way of thinking, but you wanted to hear Mark's reasoning.

"Cause I couldn't stop talking about you in that fucking dress," he grips your waist, "Let's just say it was a lot harder to keep my gentlemanly manners than I thought it would be that night."

"As much as I appreciated the consideration," you say, "I wore that dress hoping you would've taken it off me," you lean into his ear.

"Fuck me," Mark groans under his breath and digs his fingers into your hips.

You grin, kissing him. Since you're distracted, Mark snatches the condom from your hand and pushes you onto your back. He sits back on his haunches, brushing his hair out of his eyes, and tears the package with his teeth before rolling the latex on and pumping his cock in his hands a few times.

Laying there with your hair splayed out on the pillows, your bottom lip between your teeth, and your thighs desperately itching to rub together at the sight of the man before you, Mark slowly begins losing his grip on any sort of restraint he has left. Mark wraps his arms under your thighs, pulling your hips closer to his. You can feel yourself growing wetter by the second as Mark keeps his eyes locked with yours, rubbing the tip of his cock between your folds. 

"Mark, please," your voice was barely above a whisper, yet Mark still heard the traces of desperation. 

The blunt head of his cock presses against your slit before being enveloped by your slick pussy. He takes his time easing into you as your walls open up for him.

"Oh, god—Mark," you choke out, feeling the way you have to adjust to his size.

"I know, I know, baby," Mark coos, "It's okay. Just relax for me," he soothed his hand up and down your leg.

You nod, and Mark starts kissing your neck. Your eyes flutter shut, your head tipping back to give him more access to mark up the side of your throat. As Mark sinks his teeth into your skin and can feel how incredibly wet you become, your pussy practically sucking him the rest of the way in.

"How're you doing, princess?" Mark kisses his way back up your neck. 

"Fuck, Mark, you feel so big," you roll your head back onto his pillow. Mark smiles, peppering your face with kisses while whispering sweet praises. 

"Let's just take it slow then, okay," he says, slowly drawing his hips back.

The feeling of his cock dragging against your walls as he slowly left your heat, only to fill you up again, had your eyes rolling back. 

"I feel so…you make me feel so—Full," you stumble over your words, moaning. 

The chuckle that leaves his lips leads a new wave of arousal to flood through your body and clench around him.

"And you're doing so good for me," he kisses your jaw. Mark continues slowly moving his hips, using deep sensual strokes to fuck you. Now fully submerged in pleasure, you beg Mark for more.

Mark grabs your leg hooked around his hip and begins picking up his rhythm. Bringing his eyes down to where your bodies were connected, he watches his dick disappear between your folds. Mark's shallow pants slowly transition into broken whimpers. You're just barely holding on, and Mark continues coaxing you closer to the edge.

"You're making me feel so good, Mark," you tell him.

Mark tries to conceal his noises, burying his head in your neck, but you disapprove. 

"Come on, Markie," you direct his face to look at you, "I wanna hear you, pretty boy," you grin, running your thumb along his bottom lip.

"Fuck~" he whines.

"Don't stop, baby, m'so close," you say.

"M-Me too—fuck, you feel so good," his voice fluctuates.

"S'all for you, pretty boy," you tell him, and you almost cum from his whimpers alone.

"God, stop calling me that," Mark pants, screwing his eyes shut.

"Why?" you smirk, bringing your fingers beneath his chin to make him look at you.

Damp strands of blonde hair hung in his face as he opened his lust-filled eyes, "I won't be able to last any longer," he answers.

"You gonna cum for me, Mark?" you roll your hips into his, making him deeply groan.

Mark holds your jaw with one hand, keeping intimate eye contact as he repeatedly thrusts into you. He runs his thumb along your bottom lip before pushing his finger into your mouth, and you eagerly accept.

"Not until you cum for me first," he says, sliding his thumb out of your mouth and bringing it to your clit.

"Oh—fuck, Mark, please," you cry.

Mark lowers himself to kiss you, muffling both of your sweet noises.

You frantically search for something to grab onto, finding Mark's shoulders first as you cum. Your pussy clamps around his cock, sending Mark into his own orgasm. Soft, breathy moans fill your ears as Mark's hips stutter, and he fills the condom with his cum.

"Holy shit," he drops his head to your shoulder.

You softly run your fingers through the strands of his sweaty hair as he kisses your damp skin. Pressing his lips to the side of your neck, Mark finds your lips meeting in a lazy kiss.

"Wait here," he tells you, the huskiness of his voice sending a shiver down your spine.

You whimper as he slips his cock out of the pulsating warmth of your pussy, leaving you clenching around nothing.

After tossing the condom into the trash and slipping his boxers back on, you watch Mark shuffle out of the room. He returns with a wet cloth, pulling your legs apart and wiping away the stickiness clinging to your folds.

"Are you okay?" Mark asks. 

"Yeah."

"You're very quiet," he lays down next to you. 

"I'm thinking," you say, turning in his direction. 

"About?"

"You," you answer, "There's no going back after this, Mark."

"Are you okay with that?"

"Am I?" you smile, "I'm not saying that cause I regret this, Mark. I'm saying this as a warning cause it'll be harder for you to get rid of me now," you wrap your arms around him and kiss his cheek. 

Mark laughs, resting his hands on your lower back. "I can't image I would ever want to anyway," he kisses you.

[9:43 PM] SATURDAY 

"No one even knew Yuta was back in town until today, how did so many people find out?" Summer says as your car nears the entrance to the parking garage.

It had taken you nearly ten minutes to move up in the line of cars that had formed. You're just glad you got here when you did, considering that the line was now streaming down the street.

Since Yuta had sent out the location at practically the last minute, you weren't expecting the dig to have this big of a turnout. You don't even know how Yuta set it up, but since the renovations to the parking garage weren't nearly finished yet, it was closed off from the rest of the public. Which meant for you, it was the perfect place for races to be conducted without having to worry about any civilians.

You finally reach the barrier gate where Yunho and Changbin are standing post.

"Hey, Sunny," Changbin says to Summer.

"Hi, Binnie," she sweetly smiles as she hands him the money for the entry fee, "I'll see you in there?" she asks.

"Yeah," Changbin smiles, "You're good to go, y/n." he nods to you.

"Okay, what the fuck was that?" Nyla asks Summer as you start following the cars down to the underground level.

"What?" Summer asks.

"You and Binnie?" You raise your brows, "When did that start?"

"It's nothing. We're just friends."

You and Nyla share a glance in your rearview mirror. "Sure, whatever you say," Nyla drops it.

Just as you reach the bottom level, you see Haechan driving in the opposite direction, and you roll down your window to talk to him. 

"Where are you guys going, we just got here?" you ask Haechan.

"Damien called Jaemin out," Hyuck tells you, "Come on," he waves at you to follow him.  

You tail Haechan's car up to the third level and easily find a few more of your friends, or rather their cars, knowing they're somewhere close by. Parking between Jungwoo and Xiaojun's cars, you gravitate toward the cluster of your friends, spotting a mop of silky jet-black hair among them.  

"Yuta!" you walk up with open arms to be embraced in a hug.

"I know I was only gone for two weeks but seems like I've missed a lot anyway," Yuta says, "So, where is lover boy Mark?"

"He's on his way," you say. 

"I can't believe it took all these years for you two to finally get together," he teased.

"I'm starting to get tired of hearing this," you roll your eyes playfully. 

"Well, it's true. You two were so ridiculously down bad for one another," Yuta teases, and you lightly hit his arm.

More people begin filling in as they anticipate the race about to go down. Jaemin's car sits at the starting point, along with Damien's. Now the only thing you're left waiting for is Johnny, Yangyang, Hendery, and Jaehyun to set up their positions around the so-called track.

"Fuck this," your impatience gets the best of you, and you snatch the walkie-talkie from Chenle's back pocket, "Are we ready?" you ask.

"Track's all clear, we're good to go," Johnny responds to you. 

Once you have confirmation from all five groups, you take the lead and stand in front of the cars. 

"You guys already know the rules. It's five levels from here to the top. Whoever makes it there first, wins," you clarify, "Ready?" you ask Jaemin and Damien. 

They both nod and you motion for them to inch their cars up just a bit so their bumpers line up exactly. You raise your hands, and the crowd begins cheering as both cars rev up. You drop your arms, and you're engulfed in the smoke their burnouts left behind as the cars whipped past you. As everyone else runs for the elevator and stairs to get to the rooftop before Jaemin and Damien do, there's only one person not moving along with the herds of people, walking toward you instead.

"You're probably the hottest race marshal I've ever seen," Mark says as you turn on your heels, almost crashing right into him.

"Mark," your face splits into a smile, cupping his face and kissing his lips.

"Miss me, baby?" he asks with a chuckle.

"Yeah, pretty boy," you tease.

Mark kisses you again, firmly keeping one hand on your lower back.

"Hey! Y'all can suck faces later, but get your asses in here now!" Summer yells from the elevator. 

Remembering the race, you grab Mark's hand, run into the elevator, and head for the top floor. 

Since Yangyang and Jaehyun were exclusively live-streaming the entire race for people to watch from the different levels they were on, everyone's eyes were glued to their phones, waiting for Jaemin and Damien to reach the top. You all watch from Jisung's phone as Jaemin takes the lead once he passes Ten on the sixth floor, drifting the turn up to the seventh, and you smile proudly since you had been the one who taught him how to in the first place.

You can hear the tires screeching and the deep resonance of the engines making their way up each floor. Hitting one last turn and perfectly timing his gear shift, Jaemin drifts his car up the ramp. The cheers of the crowd were deafening as everyone celebrated Jaemin's win, even himself, with a few victory donuts.

You would've been right there alongside everyone else, congratulating Jaemin on his win if Mark hadn't used this chance while everyone was distracted and not paying attention to either of you.

Your back meets a concrete wall with a soft thud while Mark's lips attack yours.

"What's with you, Markie?" You ask.

A low groan rumbles in his chest, "You're just so…fucking beautiful."

"Thank you, baby," you kiss his nose.

"Hey, Mark!" someone calls him, "How about you lay off your girl for a bit and let us see if you're still the big shot you thought you were in high school," Sean says.

You turn to Sean with your brows raised. The only thing holding you back from wiping that snarky grin off his face is Mark's arm still wrapped around you.

Mark's entire demeanor was calm as he nodded at Sean, "Alright. Me and you, right now," Mark says.

You follow Mark back down to the ground floor to get his car, riding with him. He holds your hand the entire drive back up to the third level, where spectators had already lined the pathway, expecting the next race.

"Do I really need to wish you luck?" you ask Mark as you look over at Sean overconfidently revving up his engine.

"I know I can take him. But I'd still appreciate it from you."

"Baby, you got this," you kiss his lips.

Mark watches as you sit back and lift your hips, reaching under your skirt to pull your panties down your legs. You hand the bunched-up lace to Mark, leaning over to his ear. "But just hold onto these just in case. Your good luck charm," you smirk.

Mark chuckles as he shoves your underwear into his pocket, looking over at you with a smile playing on his lips. "You just wait until I can get you alone," Mark pulls you in for one last kiss before you get out of his car.

You join everyone else on the sidelines as Yuta riles the crowd up. Mark looks over at you and winks. Yuta raises his arms, and Sean dramatically burns out his tires while Mark comfortably sits back in his seat. With him looking so relaxed, settling into his element behind the wheel makes heat pool in your lower stomach. Subtly pressing your thighs together, you begin to regret handing over your underwear, feeling the warmth between your legs.

"Go!" Yuta yells, and both cars take off. Summer grabs your hand, leading you to the elevator to head back up to the top floor.

As you all wait for Mark and Sean's cars to near the final level, the door to the stairwell swings open, and Nyla trudges through, making her way over to you all.

"Why're you out of breath?" Jeno asks, receiving a glare from Nyla.

"Jae and I were on the fourth floor, and those steps.." she gasps, "are no joke." Once she finally catches her breath, Nyla tells you, "I left my bag in your car, I need your keys."

You reach into your skirt pocket and pluck out your keys, handing them to Nyla before she heads for the elevator. Turning your attention back to the race, you recognize the sound of Mark's engine, and you smile as his car drifts up the ramp, beating Sean. Mark's tires screech against the pavement before he takes his foot off the gas and gets out of his car. The crowd rushes Mark, celebrating his win, you along with them.

"I told you you had him," you say to Mark.

"I'll say it was your good luck charm that secured it," he smirked.

But all the celebrating is cut short when you see people running before you hear the sirens making their way up the levels of the garage, and Mark instinctively grabs your hand.

"And I think that's our cue," Renjun grabs his drink and gets into Jeno's car.

It's hard to tell which direction the sirens are coming from as the sound bounces off every surface in the open space.

"Get in," Mark says to you, Summer, and Jisung.

You trust Nyla enough with your car to not even be concerned about it and jump into the passenger seat. Mark wastes no time shifting into drive once you're all inside and starts looking for an escape route. He avoids the exit everyone else was trying to leave from as a traffic jam starts building up, and people honking their horns isn't helping to get things moving.

"Is that Chenle?" you hear Summer ask from the backseat. You then turn your head to see the blue and red lights shadowing Chenle's silhouette as he runs toward Mark's car.

"Dude, come on!" Jisung yells to Chenle, opening the door.

Chenle dives head-first into the back seat, throwing himself across Summer and Jisung's laps.

"Go, go, go!" Chenle exclaims. Mark presses his foot on the gas and begins speeding away.

Finally finding a clear exit, Mark floors it before yanking his e-break as a police car turns the corner. You hear the cops' megaphone telling Mark to stop driving and for all of you to get out of the vehicle.

"Mark," you call him warily.

"I know," he shifts gears, "Hold on," he says, reversing the car, looking through the rear windshield over his shoulder, and putting his hand behind the headrest of your seat.

Mark expertly drives his car backward, turning the wheel with one hand, and the police continue to chase after you before Mark reaches another exit. Ending up back on the city streets, you lose the police tail, and you feel a sigh of relief throughout the entire car.

"Yeah I'm with her, Mark, Chenle, and Jisung," you hear Summer say. "Ningning's with Nyla and they have your car," she tells you as she's on the phone.

"Thank god. Tell them to bring it to Johnny's."

"They're already on their way."

Mark's car drives up to Johnny's house around the same time everyone else arrives. Just like always, the party goes on as if nothing had happened. Summer, Jisung, and Chenle get out of the car, Chenle already retelling the events of what just happened to Yangyang and Haechan when they meet in the front yard.

You and Mark don't get out yet, the two of you just silently holding each other's gaze. Mark had one hand lazily thrown over the wheel, sitting back in his seat as he eyed you.

"Mark, get out of the car," you tell him.

"Why?" Mark asks.

"Between the way you just handled that and the way you're looking at me right now, I can't promise I can hold myself back any longer."

Mark's eyes drift down from your face, tugging his lip between his teeth. The corners of his lips curl up as he takes his car out of park. Mark pulls his car into Johnny's garage, and the party fades into a dull hum once the door shuts. You and Mark are now alone, only in the presence of the other dormant vehicles in the garage. 

Mark turns his car off, and you push yourself out of your seat, leaning over the console to kiss him. Mark's hand blindly fumbles with the seat adjuster to move his seat back and allow you to climb into his lap. 

"What's gotten into you?" Mark asks, smiling against your lips. 

"You," you card your fingers through the soft blonde curls, "Mark, you're just so..hot," you roll your hips into his. Mark's hands slide up your thighs, slipping under your skirt. You can already feel the wetness dripping onto Mark's jeans, the rough material deliciously dragging against your clit. You moan around Mark's tongue, and he grips your body tighter. You accidentally lean against the wheel, hitting the horn, startling yourself and Mark.

Mark laughs along with you, "Backseat?"

"Backseat," you nod before climbing into the back of his car.

Now with more room, you grab Mark and comfortably settle in his lap. You feel the bulge in his jeans against your inner thigh and roll your hips into his. Mark's head falls back against the window, and you take the opportunity to kiss his neck. Mark's eyes flutter shut as you cradle the back of his head and sink your teeth into his skin. The moan that falls from his lips causes you to get wetter.

"Mark?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Can I?" you ask, slipping your hand between your bodies and palming him through his pants.

"Yeah."

You slide out of his lap and quickly undo the button of his jeans. You waste no time trying to get his clothes off and just pull his cock out of his underwear, your mouth already salivating.

"Oh, Mark," you clench your thighs together, "You're so pretty."

His breathing becomes shallow as he says, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, baby," you kiss the tip of his cock before kitten-licking the drips of precum leaking down his shaft.

Mark sharply gasps, and the grin on your face grows bigger. You let spit dribble out of your mouth and onto his dick to assist your hand, jerking him. You wrap your lips around the sensitive tip, slowly sucking him into your mouth. Mark softly groans, placing his hand on your head. He brushes your hair out of the way so he can see your face.

"My god, look at you," he swipes a string of spit hanging from your lips when you come up for air. You playfully bite his thumb before taking his cock back into your mouth.

Hearing Mark's heavy breathing slowly turn into breathy whimpers encourages you to take more of him down your throat. You feel one of Mark's hands sliding down your back, flipping your skirt over your ass. He dips a finger into your pussy, humming approvingly when he feels how wet you are.

You are grateful his windows were tinted well past the legal limit just in case someone drunkenly stumbled into the garage.

"You get this wet from just sucking my dick, princess?" Mark smirks as he plays with your folds. "Such a dirty dirty girl," he calls you, making you moan around his cock and clench around his fingers. You lose focus and drop your head to his thigh.

"Mark," you whine as he curls his two fingers against your soft walls.

"Come on, baby," he strokes your head, "You're doing so good for me."

You slide his cock back into your mouth upon his words, swirling your tongue around the tip. Mark rests his head against the foggy window and utters soft praises between moans.

You smile, "You sound so pretty for me, Mark,"

"Feels so good," he tells you.

"Gonna cum for me, pretty boy?"

"Yes."

You ignore the burn in your arm and pump his cock faster in your hand. "Cum for me, Mark. I know you want to."

"I do, I do—fuck—I do," his voice cracks.

Your name mixed with his moans, had you dripping down your thighs. You bob your head to the same rhythm as your hand. Mark's thighs twitch, and he bucks his hips against your face. You feel the warmth filling your mouth as Mark cums. Waiting until you feel his cock soften against your tongue, you pull yourself off him and swallow his cum.

"Fuck," he sighs, "You're so good to me."

"Anything for my pretty boy," you kiss him.

Mark grabs the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. He pushes his tongue past your lips, tasting the lingering saltiness in your mouth. Mark pulls you back on top of him to straddle his thigh. You start grinding your hips against his denim-clad leg.

"As much as I like having you beneath me I think I like seeing you on top of me more," Mark says, looking up at you. "That feel good, princess?" he asks, purposely flexing his thigh.

"Yes," you whimper.

"You that desperate, you gotta fuck yourself on my thigh like this?"

"For you, yes," you tell him.

Mark cups your ass beginning to direct your movements as he holds eye contact with you. You can't take it anymore and bury your head in his neck. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I'm gonna cum," you mumble against his throat.

"Already?" he teases. Mark pulls your face out of the crook of his neck. "Let me see your pretty face when you cum for me."

"Mark," you grab onto his shoulders.

"Yeah, sweetheart? Say my name."

"Mark, please."

You throw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut and digging your manicured nails into Mark's skin.

"That's it, baby. That's my good girl," he rubs his hands up your thighs, and you continue to ride out your high.

You slump against Mark's body, and he holds you close, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

"That was so hot." Mark says.

You smile into the kiss, "The things you do to me, Mark Lee."

You hear a knock on the door, and Mark rolls down the window just a crack to see who it is.

"Yes?" you say to Johnny, standing outside the car.

"In my garage? Really?" Johnny placed his hands on his hips like a disappointed father.

"It's my car," Mark says.

"In my garage."

"Jesus, here he goes."

"We'll be out in a sec." you say to Johnny before rolling the window back up.

"I'm not finished with you yet," Mark says as he buttons up his jeans.

"Neither am I," You grab his hand as you exit the garage and head toward the house, "And I mean…Johnny does have four other spare bedrooms," you say, and Mark smirks at you, following you into the house.

[11:25 PM] WEDNESDAY 

"Are you sure you like it?" Mark asks you for what seems like the fifth time tonight.

"Mark, why would I lie to you?" you ask.

"I don't know, you just seemed to love the blonde so much," he says, running his fingers through his silky dark hair.

Knowing Mark was planning on dying his hair back before his brother's wedding and seeing how his roots started to grow, you should've expected the change sooner rather than later. But still, you were surprised when he showed up at your parent's house for dinner, and you answered the door to find the brunette instead of the blonde you were expecting.

"Yeah, but you're still pretty, babe," you comb your fingers through his hair, making him lean into your touch.

"Thank you," he sheepishly smiles, lowering his head, attempting to hide the blush from the others rather than you. "So, I have a question for you," Mark says.

"What is it?" you ask.

"How would you like to-"

"Race wars date and location just dropped," Jaemin announces, standing from his seat.

With all of you sitting around the living room, you all wait for Jaemin to tell you.

"Well, are you gonna tell us?" Jeno asks impatiently.

"Not with that attitude," Jaemin scoffs. He clears his throat as if he's making an official announcement, stating the location before saying the date, "It starts next Friday-"

"Next Friday? Like the Friday after this one?" Mark asks.

"That is…what next Friday means?" Jaemin says.

"Mark, no," you start.

"I'm sorry," Mark looks at you apologetically.

"Wait, what?" Nyla asks.

"My brother's wedding is next Friday."

"Couldn't you just come afterwards?" Johnny asks.

"Not with that long ass drive. I know I'm good, but I'm not that good."

You were wracking your brain for every possible scenario you can come up with so that Mark would be able to go with you.

"I don't know if I'm the only one thinking this but why can't you just come down Saturday?" Chenle asks.

"I mean he could, but they changed the rule with check-in to keep too many locals from taking up space. So check-in is only available Friday. He wouldn't be able to race." Yangyang says.

"What's so wrong with that?" Summer asks.

"It's his first race wars. You really think he'd want to sit on the sidelines with you all weekend?" Renjun asks.

"Now, you listen, Huang-" Summer starts.

The bickering among your friends continued as you sit quietly, still thinking.

"What if I went with you?" you ask.

"To my brother's wedding?" Mark questions.

"I'm not trying to forcefully invite myself. But if I go with you, you and I can do that drive. We'd get there pretty late but I'm pretty sure if I talk to Taeyong I can work something out."

"You wouldn't be inviting yourself since I was just about to invite you myself."

"Really? You were gonna ask me to come as your date?" you ask, endeared.

"Well I was gonna ask you to come as my girlfriend—I mean technically you'd still be my date, but my date as my girlfriend-"

You hear nothing else after girlfriend. His girlfriend. Mark's girlfriend.

"Mark, are you kidding me?" you ask, genuinely in disbelief.

"No?"

You grab Mark's shirt and kiss him. That definitely got everyone quiet.

"Woah, woah, what did we just miss?" Haechan asks.

"I'm taking your answer as a yes," Mark says to you.

"Yes, Mark. I will come to your brother's wedding as your girlfriend," you can't help the grin stretching across your face as you say it. You then move your legs out of his lap and turn to the rest of the group. "Alright, so here's what's going to happen," you start explaining your plan to everyone.

[7:21 AM] (next) FRIDAY

"Sunny, let's go!" Nyla yells from the front door.

"I'm coming," Summer replies, dragging her oversized suitcase down the steps behind her.

Following her down the stairs, you meet the rest of your friends outside. You make sure you've packed everything you'd need for the weekend in your car before you hand your keys over to Sungchan.

"Sungchan, do you understand how much I'm trusting you right now. This is my baby," you tell him.

"Yes, I know. I promise I'll be careful with her," Sungchan nods.

You watch as Shotaro helps the younger boy hook your car up to the rig connected to the back of Sungchan's vehicle.

"Kun just called me before he boarded his flight, and said the house is ready for us. And we should really get a move on if we don't wanna hit traffic," Hendery says.

"Though I do appreciate Kun letting us use the vacation house, why isn't he going?" Goeun asks.

"He's flying out to Shanghai to meet up with Winwin. He said the car scene out there is some next level shit," Yangyang says.

"So what I'm hearing is we're making a trip to China soon," Summer says.

"Can we get to this race wars first?"

"We'll see you and Mark later tonight?" Nyla asks before she gets into Jaehyun's car. You confirm with a nod. "Have fun." she tells you.

"You too. But not too much without us," you say.

"No promises," Jaehyun playfully winks at you before driving away.

[1:19 PM]

As your Uber pulls up to the venue, you feel the smile rushing to your face when you see Mark outside waiting for you. He opens your door and holds his hand out for you.

"Wow, baby, you look…damn," he licks his lips as he stands back to get a full view of you.

"Mark, knock it off," you laugh.

Mark excitedly squeezes your hand as he walks you inside, his body seemingly buzzing.

"Babe, you okay?" you ask Mark.

"Yeah, I'm just excited to introduce you to everyone."

"We basically grew up together, Mark. Haven't I been introduced to practically everyone."

"Yeah, but not as my girlfriend," he grins.

You both made your rounds for a bit, Mark proudly showing you off to everyone before he got called away when all the groomsmen were needed for pictures, leaving you to wander over to the bar.

"I see all this secret pining has finally come to an end," you hear a voice from someone at the bar beside you. Seeing the cousin of the bride wasn't surprising, but you're still happy to see him after all these years.

"It was about time, wasn't it," you say to Doyoung.

"I'll say. It was exhausting watching you two be in love and not say anything to each other," Doyoung says.

"In love? Okay, now you're over-exaggerating," you roll your eyes, sipping your drink.

"Seulgi, back me up on this," Doyoung calls his friend.

"On what?" Seugli asks sipping on her drink, turning to you two.

"This one and Mark being so obviously in love since high school."

Seugli turns to you and starts laughing, "Oh, you're serious?" he stops laughing, "Well he's right."

"Seugli, you're not supposed to take his side!" you cross your arms over your chest.

"Sorry, kid."

Once it was time for the ceremony to start, the wedding coordinator ushered everyone to their seats. Before the groom came out, Mark walked down the aisle along with the maid of honor. 

"You ready for that to be you next?" Doyoung asks Seugli as the bride walks out . 

"Am I," she smiled at her girlfriend, who stood along with the rest of the bridesmaids. 

"I'm sorry did I miss something?" you ask. 

"Oh right, I'm engaged, by the way," Seugli says nonchalantly as music for the bride starts playing. 

"What the fuck?" you try to whisper, "Oh my god, since when?"

"Since last month," she answers. 

You don't have time to celebrate the news anymore, with Doyoung shushing the two of you as the groom and bride start their vows. 

The last time you attended a wedding was before you could even drive, so you barely remember what happened, but you can count you weren't as emotional at the last one. It may also have to do with your proximity to the couple, almost feeling as if you were watching your own brother get married. You try to keep your composure as the bride continues on her vows. 

"There's nothing in my life I regret since it had all led me to you. I knew I loved you from the second we met. You've seen my at my bests and worsts. You know about all the good, the bad, the ugly, the dirty, yet you still accept and love me as I am. All the days I've spent with you, laughing, crying, smiling, yelling and there's not a single one I would take back or change-"

You can't stop the tears welling up in your eyes. You didn't really think the bride's vows would tug at your heartstrings the way they did, and all you can think about is Mark. Your eyes find his already looking at you.

As the tears fall, you give him a small smile before mouthing, "I love you," to him.

Mark tries to fight the smile coming to his face, not wanting to draw attention to himself before he mouths back, "I love you too."

You hadn't even realized the tears were streaming down your face until Doyoung handed you a tissue.

"Thank you," you whisper. 

"It's just so beautiful, isn't it?" Seugli asks, also crying and pulling out her own tissues.

[5:57 PM]

Between dancing and socializing at the reception, while waiting for the cake to be cut, you and Mark ended up leaving later than you originally planned.

By the time you were in Mark's car and on the road, the sun had started to set. Mark had one hand on the wheel while you had the other in your lap, fiddling with his fingers. You look over at him, your chest filling with warmth as you take in the way the pink and orange hues contour his features.

"You know I meant what I said before," you break the silence.

"I know," he kisses the back of your hand, "I just didn't expect you'd say it first."

"Why's that?"

"Because I know how guarded you can be with your feelings sometimes," he explains, "But still, I've been in love with you since I was 16—It's kinda crazy actually, I didn't realize it until I was already on my flight to Korea."

You ignore the tears pricking your eyes as you lean closer to Mark, peppering his face with kisses.

"I love you, Mark Lee."

[10:13 AM] SATURDAY

You wake up with the sun shining on your face. You turn over, searching for the warmth of Mark's body. Considering how tired you both were, practically collapsing onto the bed when you two finally arrive some time after two this morning, you're surprised to not find Mark still sleeping beside you, his side of the bed empty.

"Mark?" you call him without opening your eyes.

"Yeah?" you hear him reply.

"Where are you?" you ask, eyes still closed.

"I'm right here, baby," you hear his voice a lot closer as the mattress sinks under his weight.

You feel his lips on yours. Still half asleep, your reaction was delayed before you kissed him back.

"This early in the morning, Mark?" you ask with a lazy smile.

"As hard as it was to stop myself yesterday, I also have a feeling we'll be pretty busy all weekend, so I'll take every chance I get." he says.

You laugh as his nose ghost over your throat, sending goosebumps all over your skin. Mark slips his hand under the shirt of his you were wearing and cups your breast in his hand. You arch into his touch, nibbling on his bottom lip. Your head sinks into the pillows when Mark rolls the pad of his thumb over your perky nipple. Mark doesn't take his eyes away from your face as he takes one of your nipples into his mouth.

Your hand finds his hair, and your fingers curl around the messy dark locks as he swirls his tongue around your areola. He gently tugs your nipple between his teeth, and you roll your hips against his thigh between your legs. 

"Mark..." you finally open your eyes to look at your boyfriend.

"Can I?" he asks, toying with the hem of your panties. 

"Please," you nod. 

Mark pulls your underwear down your legs and grips your thighs as he comfortably settles on his stomach. He guides your legs over his shoulder while leaving a trail of kisses and small bites up your thighs. Mark runs the tip of his tongue along your slit, humming when your juices land on his tastebuds. 

"Oh my god, Mark," your nails lightly scratch his scalp. 

He moans back at you in response, the vibrations from his mouth sending a jolt of pleasure up your spine. Your eyes screw shut, and you bite your lips so hard you're afraid you've drawn blood. You try with everything in your body to stay quiet. But with Mark messily eating you out, languidly moving his skilled tongue against your walls, you can't even stay still, let alone be quiet. 

"Please, baby, don't stop," you tell him. 

Before you even register the knock on your door, Summer enters your room, and your entire body freezes. 

"Hey-Where's Mark?"

You glance at Mark under the covers between your thighs, out of sight, and he smirks. You try to hide your reaction as he teasingly kitten-licks your clit. You squeeze your thighs around his head and quickly rush out an answer for Summer. 

"He went to go refill his tank before we go out today," you say. 

"Oh, okay. Well, breakfast is ready in ten, then we're all leaving around 11. Cool?"

You nod. "Yeah, yeah. We'll be ready by then."

Once Summer leaves, you barely have time to be relieved with Mark picking up like he never really stopped, making you cum on his tongue. 

"Fuck, Mark," you squirm, letting your orgasm wash over you. Mark continues lapping at your folds until he's satisfied. Coming from under the covers, Mark wipes the lower half of his face with the back of his hand. 

"What the fuck was that?" you ask, breathless. 

"You told me not to stop," he grins, and you roll your eyes, "You can't even act like you hate me 'cause I know you love me," he kisses you. 

"I'm beginning to rethink that decision," you tease. 

[2:24 PM]

Having been out in the sun practically all day watching races and even taking a few rides yourself, you decided to give your car and yourself a break from the sun. You parked under one of the canopies Johnny set up and took a seat on your hood. Coming back from watching Chenle race Ningning, you spot the top of Mark's head through the crowd, beginning to make his way over to you.

The look on his face can only be compared to that of a kid in a candy store. You love watching the way his eyes light up talking about the race, rambling on and on, you not minding one bit.

"So, is this everything you hoped it'd be?" you ask Mark.

He nods, subtly parting your legs to stand between them. "And so much more," he kisses you.

"Hey!" someone yells, grabbing everyone's attention, "how about you and me," Leo calls Mark out.

"Alright, how much?" Mark asks.

"No money," Leo smiles before turning to you, "I win, I get to take you out."

"As fucking if," you slide off the hood of your car, Mark instinctively wrapping his arm around you before you can get too far, some of the others coming to your defense as well. "You already had your chance and fucked that up. What makes you think I'll willingly put myself through that again? You wanna try and make yourself feel better by racing him, it'll be for two grand take it or leave it," you say to Leo.

"So he can have a shot at winning a date through a race but I can't?" Leo asks.

"Because he didn't try to win me over like I'm just a pink slip, and he doesn't have an ego bigger than an eighteen-wheeler."

"Fine. You're on, Mark," Leo nods at your boyfriend, "But we'll see if you'll feel the same when I beat him across the line," Leo smirks at you, and you scoff.

Spectators gather on either side of the runway, cheering for either racer as their cars pull up to the starting line. You had been suspiciously eyeing Leo the entire time he sat in his car with that stupid grin on his face.

"What's wrong?" Mark asks you.

"I don't doubt that you can beat him. But I don't trust he won't try anything," You say before walking up to Taeyong while Sean talks to him. "I'm riding with Mark," you tell Taeyong.

"What? You can't," Sean crossed his arms.

"There aren't any rules against it," Taeyong says.

"And how exactly do you think that'll help your little boyfriend? It can throw off his equilibrium and slow him down," Sean tries looking down his nose at you.

"Which is why you're gonna get your ass in that passenger's seat and ride with your little bestie over there," you point to Leo's car, "I mean, it's not like you haven't already gotten your own front row experience losing to my little boyfriend," you tilt your head. Sean grumbles before he walks over to Leo's car, and you get into Mark's.

"We're really doing this?" Mark asks.

"Ride or die, remember?" you hold out your hand.

Mark smiles, finishing the quote as he takes your hand, "Ride or die."

a/n: i’m telling y’all ever since ay-yo, mark has been living in my head rent free—currently the owner of a few properties, if you will. this is the longest thing i’ve ever written and tbh it would’ve been longer if there wasn’t a text block limit so i did the best with what i had 😭 and like i said before all my knowledge about cars is based off the fast and furious movies so…thank you so much for reading!! feedback is appreciated <33 tag list <33: @chardonnayyyy @aliceinwhateverland @itzz-me-duh @nctevia @sirens-dreams @pieddpiperr @yujuvly @scarletsknight

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 16 part one

(Masterpost of All the Recaps)  (Canary’s Pinboard)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes

All righty, this one is going to be a laff riot...not. Let's do it.

The first half of this episode is like a beautifully executed standalone tragedy, while also threading together all sorts of themes and paying off all sorts of relationship building that's happened in the previous episodes. My hat is off to the writers, while I also shake a fist at them for making me cry an unreasonable amount.

We’re Sailing on a Strange Boat

The episode starts right off absolutely DESTROYING me with the Yunmeng brothers holding hands, fingers interlaced, in the first of many hand-touching moments that punctuate the episode.

Jiang Cheng has to be pretty far gone to accept this degree of comfort and tenderness. I think, from their positions, he is also holding Yanli's hand out of the camera's view. 

Zidian finally lets the trio go, and they immediately turn the boat around and head back to Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian gets the clever idea to turn the benches into makeshift oars but nobody gets the clever idea to use magic to push the boat like they do literally every other time they are in a boat. 

Their emotional need to go back to Lotus Pier is understandable, but they are being disobedient and irresponsible by doing it. Jiang Cheng is the future of the clan, and should not risk his life, particularly after his mother chose to sacrifice herself to protect him and after both of his parents told him to go hide with his sister and personal bodyguard brother. 

On the other hand, Jiang Fengmian, as clan leader, probably had a duty to go into hiding himself rather than go home to die romantically, so his authority is questionable at this point. Anyway, this is the Jiang Clan, they get to kind of do what they want, except when that pisses Jiang Cheng off.

Lotus Pier Massacre

Back at Lotus Pier, the Wens are kicking Jiang ass. The fight choreography is pretty good, taking full advantage of walkways, railings, pools, and other features of the environment. 

Using the set this way always makes fights feel more kinetic and real, as opposed to simply sparring in an open area. 

(more after the cut)

Yu Ziyuan is fighting adequately with a sword, having given her preferred weapon to her son.  She's clearly been at it for a while, and is tiring; the Wen soldiers are starting to land more and more sword blows but no critical hits yet.

Wen Zhuliu is kicking ass and possibly melting cores, although we don't see him do it to anybody yet. Later we'll hear from Jiang Cheng that he crushed the cores of his parents, but it's not clear when that happens.

Sixth young master replays Jiang Fengmian's entire archery lesson in his head while he waits, and waits, for Wen Zhuliu to finish strangling a dude the right moment to shoot an arrow at Wen Zhuliu. 

Homicidal tart Wang Lingjiao notices him lining up a shot, strolls over, and stabs him in the back while he's still thinking about what Jiang Fengmian said. One could wish that JFM's archery lessons weren't quite so wordy. 

Wang Linjao normally doesn't carry a sword because of her low spiritual power, but apparently can use one just fine when she's killing kids.

If you start feeling like this episode is unreasonably painful, just think of it as building up calluses so you can handle Yi City when the time comes.

Jiang Fengmian to the Rescue

Jiang Fengmian shows up very far past the nick of time, although he is not actually useful, so it's questionable whether arriving earlier would have helped. But his wife is glad to see him.

Netflix subtitles say that Jiang Fengmian calls Yu Ziyuan "My Lady!" which sounds courtly and romantic in English. His actual words are "San Niangzi" which hunxi-gullai breaks out here.  I might render this as "lady wife!" rather than "my lady" but I don't think English really has a perfect equivalent.

Jiang Fengmian sails across the courtyard, knocking down a few Wen soldiers and becoming a young, slender man in the process.

I mean, come on, that stunt double does not look like a boxy middle-aged man from any angle.

The Dying Bit

The episode splits up the big death scene for dramatic effect but I'm recapping it all together to keep things simple.

Within moments of arriving, Jiang Fengmian gets shanked by Wen Zhuliu like Scatman Crothers in The Shining (or Groundskeeper Willie in The Shinning).

Wen Zhuliu stops a Wen soldier from finishing JFM off, just so that a different Wen soldier can deliver the killing blow from the back, which is kinda harsh. With all this spin-fighting there is probably not an implication of cowardice when someone dies from a stab in the back, but still. Too rude, Wen Zhuliu.

Yu Ziyuan sees Jiang Fengmian fall, and after having a moment of sorrow and despair, she stabs herself in the heart, falls down, crawls to him and interlaces her hand with his. He revives just enough to give her hand a squeeze and say "San Niangzi" one last time before dying. 

She dies next, with a smile on her face at the end. The soundtrack plays that amazing "horribly emotional death scene" music that isn't one of the tracks available on the OST, argh. This same music appears at the end of Xue Yang's story.  

Of the many things I love about the Untamed, the complexity of all the minor characters is possibly my favorite. These two people suck at parenting, and suck at being married, and ultimately suck at protecting and leading their clan, making stupid, selfish choices at every step of the building conflict. 

And then they have this incredibly romantic death scene, in which they both face the inevitability of failure, and find comfort in failing together. Yet their death scene is totally in keeping with who we know them to be, and who they are to each other; the drama doesn't cheat by making them ideal lovers or great people at the end. But they have a great, great moment.

Jiang Yanli, waiting in the woods while her brothers are presumably running toward Lotus Pier, drops her lotus pendant, which is made of the loudest jade ever discovered, and it breaks with a crash.  

Yanli, who is a well educated young lady, knows a moment of doomy symbolism when she sees it.

Jiang Yanli: Who put a giant rock out here in the woods? What are the odds I’d drop my pendant directly on it? 

It’s all Over Except for the Crying, Running and Choking

The brothers climb up on the roof and are shocked to see nothing but Wen soldiers and piled up Jiang corpses... 

...including one child who is either about to become a zombie or who is being played by a young actor who can't control their curiosity, judging by the way this eye is sneakily opened while the camera is running.

There's a moment where Jiang Cheng is saying they must have spared his parents, they must be okay, where Wei Wuxian's face is just...wow. You can see right here the gulf in life experience between these two. 

Wen Zhuliu roams around looking troubled while searching for more people to kill. He’s an interesting villain; someone who believes his loyalty to his boss makes him a good guy, but knows his boss is a bad guy. 

Then we are treated to a hell of a camera move, where it tracks over Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian together on the floor, heroic in death and still holding hands, and then sweeps up to show their killers sitting on the lotus throne. 

The dead couple were at odds for their whole lives together, while the evil people who killed them are acting like devoted lovebirds. It's a stunning shot and a terrific thematic contrast. When Wei Wuxian eventually comes to take his vengeance, he will spend some time turning Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao against each other, before ending them. 

The camera shows us JC's reaction, then shows his mother, then WWX’s reaction, then JF; each reacting to the death of the person who loved them. Some folks may feel that Jiang Fengmian actually did love Jiang Cheng but was just bad at showing it. But Jiang Cheng doesn't think so, and I don't think it's a given that parents love their children.

Side note: Macroexpression king Wang Zhuocheng is able to open his eyes so far that a giant strip of white shows above his irises, and keep them like that, which is quite a trick. Try it yourself.

Meanwhile Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao gossip about YZY and JFM's bad marriage. Wen Chao admires YZY's beauty, and Wang Lingjiao insults her character, and announces that she's going to stab YZY's body a few extra times. Jiang Cheng briefly faints at this, taking a page from Wei Wuxian's book, and rolls off the roof. 

Run Run Away

Both young men run, and run, and run away from Lotus Pier while Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao mistreat the bodies of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan 

The stabbing happens off camera, because it's ok to stab a live child on camera, but not a dead adult. (As always, there are cultural reasons for "what's ok" in any country, and I'm not saying anybody's wrong about these choices). 

Wen Chao follows this up with pouring a cup of wine across their faces. He does this in the style of a libation for the dead, but as a desecration, combining mistreatment of bodies with profaning a ceremonial rite. In a world where ghosts are real and have sharp fingernails, this is deeply, deeply stupid.

Yu Ziyuan’s actress Zhang Jingtong is able to have liquid poured INTO HER EAR without flinching. Mad props.

The brothers eventually finish running and arrive in a field with an extreme purple photo filter on it. Which I've done my best to remove for these gifs, with variable results. 

Jiang Cheng wants to turn around and go back to Lotus Pier. He says he wants to retrieve his parents’ bodies and to take revenge, but he's devastated and it seems likely he just wants to die with everyone else.  

Wei Wuxian pleads with Jiang Cheng to calm down and stay safe, while Jiang Cheng gives himself over to anger and shock as the brothers shout at each other.

Punching and running ensues, and Wei Wuxian tries to hold his brother back, grabbing him around the shoulders him in a gesture that painfully echoes the many hugs he's given over the years. 

This time Jiang Cheng doesn't just push him off. He turns around and chokes his brother for nearly a full minute, while screaming at him and blaming him. 

Just as when Madame Yu beat him, Wei Wuxian doesn't fight back; he pulls on Jiang Cheng's wrists but doesn't hit him or try to break his hold.

Finally Jiang Cheng lets him go, and cries out for everyone he's lost, while Wei Wuxian weeps silently next to him. Eventually they fall asleep in the grass together, their bodies curled up in the form of a heart. 

Damn, this episode really brings it.

Side Note: during their argument, Wei Wuxian says, among other things, that "revenge is a dish best served cold," according to subtitles. It's a French saying from the 1800s so it's probably not precisely what Wei Wuxian is saying. More importantly, as a longtime Star Trek fan I can't help but hear James Kirk yelling "KHAN!!!!!" whenever I encounter that phrase.

There’s Got To Be A Morning After

When they wake up in the morning, Jiang Cheng is still in his feelings, but now his feelings have moved along to despair, from anger.

I feel bad for noticing how handsome they both look in this scene. Let's all feel bad about this together.

Jiang Cheng is free to have this level of emotional breakdown because Wei Wuxian is there keeping his own shit together and focusing on what matters.

When Jiang Cheng refuses to get up, Wei Wuxian reminds him, very, very gently, that they have a sister, who has waited all night to know what happened.

At this, Jiang Cheng gets up, but won't look at Wei Wuxian, continuing to blame him for everybody else's actions, as he walks onward to find Yanli.

Wei Wuxian follows, hurt and bereft, as he gets to work internalizing everything that he's being accused of. This is good practice for his future as a widely reviled bogeyman.

Part two will be slightly less awful! Coming soon!

[toaheadcanons]

General reaction time! Again, this will contain HEAVY SPOILERS FOR TALES OF ARCADIA AND RISE OF THE TITANS. SKIP THIS IF IT GOT THROUGH YOUR FILTER.

So, let's begin. Firstly, as beautifully visually executed as the movie was, I think we all could tell the full original team wasn't working on this part of the TOA project. Setting that aside for a moment though. Trust me on this.

I was SHOCKED at the animation quality this time around. TOA has almost always had pristine graphics, and a movie budget took things to a while new level. Well done, TOA animation team!! 🥰🥰🥰

The MagiScience Camelot. Can I live there? Also, do they live there?? It's sort of unclear, did everyone just decide after the end of Wizards to form their own little bubble or???

I'm curious as to whether the time loop could result in a sort of 'duplication glitch' for the Amulet. I'm putting my speculative stuff in yet another post, because WOW that ending gave my lil' brain a lot to work with

There were so many fantastic scenes intermixed with the not-so-great points. The Best Man scene. That whole sequence in which there's some Blaaarghy hinting sandwiched into the scene between the couples comforting each other. I just 🥺 I know there are a few dull points here, but that whole ten minute span is just so on point. I really wish that accuracy to the characterizations carried all the way through.

I really, REALLY need to know how much time passed between Wizards and ROTT. Really really. Like I know the kids were 15-16 at the start of season 1, and 16-17 by the end of season two, but from there time becomes quite nebulous. I'm speaking in age specifically for our human characters here, as we still have no idea about how the Akiridion, Wizard-Immortal and Trollish life cycles actually work. Like I get that now they're later teens to early adults in age, but considering some of the err, plot choices, I think it's important to know?

I'd love a series, a comic, hell a set of shorts even, where Steve gets some main character time. I really wasn't a fan of him being sidelined the whole time. Give me my Creepslayerz please, Mr. Netflix.

I've started to look at this less like a movie and more like Predacons Rising, a made-for-TV movie/special finale episode. Except, knowing DreamWorks, we also may be seeing the beginnig iteration of another "[name here] of Berk" style of different series, set in different points in time. ESPECIALLY with that ending.

Speaking of, I know a lot of folks were quite upset with the end. I was too for a while, but those braincells just keep on bouncing around, and I have an inkling that however they decide to show us the potential/alternate timeliness, we'll see them somehow.

I'm actually quite excited about the idea of Trollhunter!Toby. From the beginning, I always thought he'd turn out to unknowingly be half-Troll or a changeling or something. Boy has a natural inclination for stones and crystals, the teeth issues, his stature and body-shape, hell, he seems at home in the scenes in Trollmarket throughout the series.

Please, Mr. Netflix, show us what his armor looks like? 👉👈🥺

Okay, picking back up on this not being the original creative team. There were some significant missed opportunities here, not only to draw on previous character development [Steve is a knight, Toby could have used his hammer instead of the glowing sticky-magic, etc.] but also to draw on ideas from The Book that would have gone REALLY well here! Lol and here I was hoping for the "what counts as a bridge" scene. 🤡

For those who don't know, Trollhunters in its original form is a book that reads much like a movie. It features a much different Jim, a much different many characters in fact. There were actually a few references I did catch! If you haven't had a chance to read it and you'd like a palate cleanser, READ IT. Oh it's so good I so wish more people read the book-

Aaaaanyway, back to the topic. The reason I'm looking at this more like a special than a movie is because is feels like it should have been a special. Or a miniseries even, like Wizards. This was a bit much to pack into a <2h timeframe.

BUT, I also feel like they could have waited to spring a plot like this on us until they had a concrete "next steps" plan. If they had, say, separated the beginning of the loop from the film, and used it as the beginning of a Trollhunter!Toby [Insert media type here] teaser/trailer, I have a feeling I'd be more happy with it. Also, why replace Anton's voicework for the audition speech? That I am truly upset with. The loop itself is actually quite intriguing, though.

All in all, I'm honestly pretty satisfied with the film. It was brutal, don't get me wrong, and for future reference I'd like to know how much it cost Netflix to get it a Y7 rating. That said, the parts that were done well were done VERY well. Im interested to see, when the series crops back up, what the true plan is moving forward, but until then my name is my bond. I make TOA headcanons, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Thank you all for getting on this roller coaster, it was one hell of a ride and I hope we get to do it again soon 😁

[arigatouiris]

hushed feelings // kuroo tetsuroo x reader

Author’s Note: Alright, normally I’d write something flirty for my favorite boi Tetsu but I’ve been feeling down lately and I really craved for some Soulmate AU so here we have it. Hope ya’ll like this~

Word count: 4376

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuroo x Depressed! Reader [Soulmate AU]

Warnings: depressive themes, angst, mentions of drugs, abusive households, wow this is dark (fluffy end?)

Ever since Kuroo Tetsuro could remember walking, he had been certain that he had no soulmate. 

It wasn’t because he didn’t believe in them, or because he didn’t like the idea of them, Kuroo never really held any malice toward the idea or principle of soulmates—it’s just that unlike the rest of the population, he just couldn’t feel them. 

It is said that soulmates can feel each other’s deepest feelings—especially when it got extreme. For instance, extreme joy or sorrow, or anger or jealousy, could be instantly recognized by the other—and it is only when the soulmates touch skin-to-skin for the first time does this ‘stop’ or in other words, sync together. It was perhaps the universe’s way of saying ‘you’re not alone’ or a mockery from the universe saying, ‘you’re not alone, but you’re never going to find them’. 

However, for Kuroo, things were different. People usually start feeling their better half’s emotions by the time they’re 10 or 11 years old. Sometimes, it can take up to when a person reaches 15 or 16. Kuroo was currently 17 years old. And not once in his entire life did he feel someone else’s emotions. He wondered if the person had some kind of mental disorder where they can’t process or feel extreme emotions; he wondered if the other person could feel his own emotions—feelings of joy or anger, because he was certain that he had moments when he couldn’t contain himself. 

On most days, Kuroo felt absolutely alone—wondering if he was one of the several sad folk that’s born without a soulmate, because he was just meant to dig through the earth by himself. 

However, he wasn’t the sort to feel unhappy over something like this. At least, not externally. He’d notice when Yaku would walk into the gym feeling rather obliviously happy or when Kenma just felt lower than usual—and he’d think of how each of these people have someone waiting for them, to meet one day. On most days, he just felt anger—over everything, wondering if this entire soulmate fiasco was unfair; not allowing people to meet whoever they wanted, fall in love with no strings attached. The complications of the universe angered him, but the helplessness made it worse.

Walking into practice one evening, he noticed his team huddled over the corner—around something. There were a bunch of girls and a crying Yamamoto, standing in the distance. Kuroo blinked before walking over there, curious as to what had occurred. 

He saw you, laying there, unconscious.

     “What—” Kuroo’s face contorted into that of extreme panic, then turning to Yamamoto, he waited, “—happened?

     “I swear! I didn’t see her! It was as if she wasn’t even there! I would never spike on a girl on purpose!”

That much is true, Kuroo thought before looking at you, peacefully out of it, before sighing and picking you up. As captain, and even if this had never happened before, he had to take you to the nurse. What were you doing in the gym all alone? And why hadn’t anyone noticed you? 

Shooting Kenma a look, the dyed haired boy nodded once before ushering Yamamoto out of the way. Kuroo now focused entirely on you, and rushed to the nurse. You were breathing (and you looked like you were asleep, strange as it was). Kuroo reached the nurse’s office rather quickly, since it was after school hours. Upon taking a mere glance at you, the nurse cringed before slapping her own forehead.

Kuroo blinked. 

     “Does she come here often?” He asked, smirking.

     “You won’t believe it,” the nurse pointed to the lone bed and Kuroo followed, “It’s like she lives here.”

Kuroo chuckled before noticing you slowly waking up, wanting to sit this down and ask what you were doing in the gym in the first place. Apart from giving Yamamoto a scare for his life, Kuroo thought, unaware of the smirk sitting on his face.

     “The face you’re making is creepy, senpai.”

Kuroo blinked before noticing you, staring at him, practically emotionlessly. Smirking, Kuroo leaned forward before blinking at you, filtering the questions in his head.

     “What were you doing in the gym, kouhai-chan? Yamamoto’s never going to live down hitting you with the ball—”

     “I followed a cat, is all.” 

It was strange, Kuroo thought, of how casual your words were. It was as if you made no effort to communicate, your eyes were fixed at him and he was sure that he had your attention, but it wasn’t in any other way apart from when you’re reading a book or crossing the road. Kuroo noticed the lack of movement on your eyebrows, of how... emotionless you presented yourself as. It was honestly...

...really creepy.

     “Uh,” He had to get back to practice. “I’ll make sure that the cat is fine.”

     ��I’m sorry for disrupting practice,” Kuroo paused before looking at you again, “I might not look it, but I mean it.”

You were right, you did not look like you meant it. But you were looking straight into his eyes that he couldn’t look away and his heart was screaming that you meant what you said. Shooting you a grin, Kuroo raised a thumb up to you, to which you merely just blinked—and walked out of the room.

A second later, he felt it; Kuroo paused, his eyes widening a tad bit slowly and his pace slowed accordingly. A sadness that crept into his system, almost as if it was too shy to come to him entirely. It was the sort of sadness that you knew you were going to feel eventually, but chose not to be entirely ready for its arrival. It felt as if he was out of breath at that second, feeling for the first time what his soulmate was feeling, a sadness that was scared to let him know that they were there. A hand shot to his chest, where the emotions felt concentrated most, and he stood there, confused the whole time. 

     “What the...” 

Why now after so many years? And why did it feel like it wasn’t the first time? Why did Kuroo feel like he had felt what this person was feeling for years, but had not recognized it? Why did it feel so familiar yet alien? 

You walked out of the nurse’s room and saw him there, frozen. You bit your lower lip before rushing out, trying to suppress whatever it was that you were feeling at least until you got home.

*

     “I felt my soulmate’s emotions for the first time today!” Kuroo said, grinning hopelessly before noticing Yaku roll his eyes.

     “Oh! I thought you didn’t have a soulmate?” Lev asked, genuinely surprised.

     “Shut it.” Kuroo snapped, grimly.

     “What were they feeling?” Kenma was the one to ask, knocking Kuroo out of his stupor.

     “It was the weirdest sort of sadness I’ve ever felt in my life. As if she saw a dress she couldn’t buy and was crying for it from outside the window.”

     “That actually sounds cute.” Yaku mused, blinking.

Scoffing, the scheming captain had had enough of the soulmate talk—he was certain that if he started to feel them now, then it was only about time before he got to actually feel more of what they were feeling; continuing with practice, the entire team couldn’t even tell if Kuroo was distracted, yet he was. All he could think about was how familiar it felt to have felt this person’s emotions for the first time. It was unnatural. 

While leaving, Kenma and Kuroo waved goodbye to the rest of the team. Kuroo suggested they go get something to eat first, but Kenma had other things to do—which made the taller male roll his eyes at the mere thought. 

     “Ah,” Kuroo said, his hand flying to where his heart was located, “There it is again, Kenma.”

     “There what is?”

     “That weird sadness,” Kuroo mused, “It’s like she’s calling out to me! I mean, after all these years of not feeling anything, I’ve been feeling latently sad all evening today. Maybe she just wants a hug.”

     “You don’t know who this person is, Kuroo. Give it a break.” 

Kuroo wanted to scoff at his friend but paused when he actually felt the feeling intensify. He felt nauseous suddenly, and the intense need to cry—scream, if it would help. It was as if someone was stepping on his heart and all he wanted to do was cry—he could only wonder what his soulmate was actually feeling at that second. Shaking his heart, he attempted to cover it up for there was nothing he could do but ponder over what could have caused this sudden burst of sadness, yet, there was a part of him that began to think of why now—and not before?

A moment later, Kuroo noticed you a bit ahead, and decided to speak to you to take his mind off the growing ache in his chest. Kenma wanted no part of Kuroo’s plan, so he stuck to playing his game as Kuroo rushed over and approached you. Running over to you, (who was considerably shorter when compared to his giant stature), Kuroo tapped your shoulder and had you turn around only to have his breath stuck in his throat as tears poured out of your eyes like dew drops off a fresh leaf.

     “S-Senpai?”

He paused, feeling the pain in his chest grow. Kuroo knew that he could tell with one glance, one look, one simple instant. It was your eyes. Despite the tears streaming down your face, they were still dark-rimmed, haunted, and sad. Most of all though, they were familiar. The fact that you had been a stranger up until that point changed nothing at all. He'd spent summers and winters picturing those same eyes—happy, angry, scared, lost, confused—staring back at him. He would have known them anywhere. 

     “It’s you.”

You quickly wiped your tears away and tried to bolt out of there, but Kuroo grabbed your wrist and halted you to the ground. Kenma noticed what was happening a few feet ahead but paused in his steps, seeing the stern look on his friend’s face. The girl beside him was crying, and something told him that it had a lot to do with how Kuroo had been feeling all evening.

     “I know it’s you—”

     “Let go of me, you don’t know what you’re—”

     “Hey,” 

He didn’t know why he was pleading. He had felt her existence just that day, it felt too unreal to even fight for. But, seeing her cry turned his insides around. There was something strange going on, and he really, really wanted to know what it was.

     “Why does this... Why does this feel—”

     “I don’t want any part of this, senpai. I don’t—”

Kuroo raised his eyebrows, “Wait, you don’t want a soulmate?”

You looked up at the black haired male before frowning, “No. No, I don’t want a soulmate. I’ve never wanted a soulmate! That’s why I’ve been taking these suppressants to—” 

Your eyes widened and you slapped your mouth shut. Kuroo’s grip on your arm loosened. 

     “Did you... Did you know it was me?”

You sniffed before looking away from him. Nodding once, you hoped to all hell that he would drop it.

     “How long?”

     “Why does it matter—”

     “For how long have you known, kouhai-chan?” 

You’ve never heard him speak so callously before, but he had lost the amount of patience he had within him. 

You could now feel his anger. The void in his chest was beginning to fill with anger. Quiet, defeated anger that guaranteed him the right to his hurt, that believed no one could possibly understand that hurt—no one, except you—who was giving it to him. You felt another burst of sorrow hit the back of your throat, but you were sure as hell not going to lose it in front of him. 

     “I...” You were afraid of doing a great many things but, “I knew since a few days.”

What you were most afraid of was lying. And here you had told the biggest lie that could potentially destroy something before it even began. With that, Kuroo let go of your hand and walked away, you were unsure if he was ignoring you or if he was hurt, but you could feel what he was feeling—and it wasn’t pleasant. You wanted to stop him and explain, but you knew that there was no point to it. Biting your lower lip, you walked home, uninterrupted. 

     “What did she say?” Kenma asked, staring at his friend’s face.

Kuroo wasn’t sullen, he was angry. And Kenma noticed it right away. Kuroo’s anger wasn’t loud, it was quiet, seething and potentially could destroy his mental health more than any other emotion. Kuroo’s anger was liquid fire, soothing to look at yet scorching hot. 

     “It’s nothing.” 

Kenma knew it wasn’t nothing, but there was no way he’d get his friend to talk about it right away. This was the sort of thing that would take time, yet he wondered what you had done that could have driven him to the edge like this. 

When you reached home, there was no one there. No one would be, your parents were always out—it was unusual if they were home. Your elder brother was in college in the States, and here you were—alone, paranoid and heartbroken. Your mother had been entirely against the idea of soulmates, calling it primitive and restricting, and while you could see her point, it was always a matter of personal interest for you. You always wondered who your soulmate was, you always wondered what it would be like to meet your significant other, someone you could reach so emotionally. 

Your mother had not met her soulmate. Your parents were not soulmates to begin with, yet there you were. A ‘happy’ family, or so you’d like to call it. Your mother had been giving you suppressants ever since you were young, so as to avoid letting your soulmate feel whatever it was that you were feeling; however, like the doctor had warned, the pills had an adverse effect on your mental wellbeing. On most days, you felt absolutely nothing. On most days, you realized that you had to carry this feeling around, pocketing it with you because normal life went on—regardless of how broken you felt. The pills were slowly eating away your mind yet because you couldn’t say a word in edgewise with your mother, you strove along, like a puppet, doing as she demands because it was the same case with your brother but he luckily got away.

At heart, you have always been a coper; or that’s what you called yourself secretly. You've mostly been able to walk around with your wounds safely hidden, and you've always stored up your deep depressive episodes for the weeks off when there was time to have an abbreviated version of a complete breakdown. But in the end, you'd be able to get up and on with it, could always do what little must be done to scratch by. 

It was not until a few months ago did things start to change. 

You’d always feel what your soulmate was feeling. Episodes of absolute elation and frustration sometimes—this person had their shit together. You felt it for the first time when you were 9 years old, a foreboding sorrow that you could relate to losing a parent or a pet; you wondered if this person lost someone special to them at such a young age, or if they were young at all—you’d never know. After that, you mostly felt hesitance and the need to feel happy again directed from them; you slowly felt this person begin to heal, and feel joy, learn how to deal with their own emotions and you wondered if they ever thought of the possibility of you somewhere.

You kept your soulmate’s emotions to yourself because they were special to you. Despite what your mother said, despite what you were asked to believe, your heart yearned for someone to hold you, tell you that it was okay, to give you space to be yourself—yet, nowadays, it felt like you were asking for too much. 

A few months ago, you saw Kuroo Tetsuroo for the first time. He was laughing at his friend in the corridor and the joy you felt was in sync with his—there was no doubt about it. He was your soulmate. 

You didn’t want to be a stalker, yet you couldn’t avoid trying to see what he was doing, trying to learn what he was like, what his hobbies were—and when you discovered that he was the captain of the Volleyball team in your school, also the best friend of one of your classmates, you were even more curious. 

You wondered if he ever felt your absence; and if he could ever feel your yearning, he wondered if it could mean anything.

That day, you were at the gym not because you followed a cat. It was simply because you wanted to see him. It was no crush, you weren’t that type of schoolgirl, you merely wanted to see what he played like—having been afraid all along to witness him in action. However, you weren’t noticed by anyone and perhaps that wasn’t a good thing at all since the ball hit you in the back of your head and sent you to the ground.

That was how you met your soulmate. And singlehandedly destroyed any prospect of being with him or learning more about him.

As days passed, you felt Kuroo’s rage and confusion—the simple minded betrayal that anyone would feel after an episode like that had occurred. You wouldn’t stop taking the supplements, and your heart was too scared to take a risk to go against what your mother had ordered you to do. Yet, feeling his emotions day in and day were was starting to exhaust you, and the growing guilt left you breathless everyday. 

You turned to the side in the corridor, bumping into someone. You always hid when trying to take the supplements, but this was unexpected. In front of you was your classmate, Kenma, who was also Kuroo’s best friend. Your eyes widened and you knew he saw the pills in your hand. 

     “Are those supplements?”

You were quiet, hands shaking, unable to say a word.

     “Why are you doing that?”

I can’t not, you thought, but you knew you couldn’t say.

     “You’re hurting him.”

Tears filled your eyes, and you nodded because you knew. You knew how much you were hurting him, you didn’t need someone to come and tell you to your face that what you were doing was wrong. 

     “I know...” You said, whispering. Kenma blinked.

     “I know I’m hurting him, but I can’t not do this.”

     “What do you mean? Of course you can. Just...” Kenma placed a hand at the back of his neck, “Just pretend that you’re taking them if someone’s making you.”

The thought of lying to your mother did cross your mind, but you weren’t sure. You were scared that she would catch you, you were scared that she would find out and punish you. You were technically scared of all the hypotheticals because the idea scared you to your very core.

     “You can’t be scared all the time,” His voice was soft, like a lullaby, “If you really want this, you should take it.”

You gasped, but biting your lip and clutching the box of pills harder. You looked at Kenma once and nodded, before walking away briskly. As you passed the dry waste bin, you threw the box of pills inside and headed to class.

*

Kuroo woke up with tears in his eyes. 

His eyes then widened before he wiped them away, scrunching his eyebrows as he tried to think of whether he had a nightmare. He instantly thought of you, because there was no other explanation. Did she forget to take her pills? He thought, but his heart was wrenching at the thought of what you were feeling right then.

Is this why you were taking the pills? Because if you didn’t, all you felt was sadness.

He headed to school with Kenma, quiet the entire way. It was very much unlike him, Kuroo wasn’t used to being so out of character. The feeling of heaviness grew in his chest, but he felt bits and of other emotions as well. Panic, anxiety, and fear—what the hell was going on with your mind? 

     “Oi, Kenma,” Kuroo called out just as they reached school. “Is she in your class?”

Kenma nodded. “Name’s (l/n) (y/n).”

What the hell are you feeling? Kuroo almost blacked out with how heavy your emotions were. 

     “Is it too much?” 

Kuroo didn’t know how to answer that question. He stayed quiet, only intended to meet with you during lunch, force you to talk—because this was driving him insane. He only wondered how the hell you were living all these years, by yourself, bottling all of this deep-rooted heaviness inside. He felt angry for not being called in on this, because even if he wasn’t sure if he could have helped, Kuroo was angry because he was not given a chance.

During lunch, he noticed you walk out of class but he didn’t give you a second to explain as he guided you up to the roof. There were others there, but Kuroo always knew to find a spot that no one else could see. 

You stared at him with wide eyes and he felt the growing anxiety bottle in your chest. He sighed.

     “(l/n)-chan,” He said, rubbing the back of his neck, “What’s going on? You didn’t take those—”

     “I stopped.”

He blinked, “How come?”

     “I... I'm living under water, senpai. Everything seems slow and far away. I know there's a world up there, a sunlit quick world where time runs like dry sand through an hourglass, but down here, where I am, air and sound and time and feeling are thick and dense,”

He didn’t understand you. You then showed him the pills and continued,

     “My parents are not soulmates. My mother started giving me these pills ever since I felt the first emotion from your end. Ever since I knew you were there, living and breathing and existing. I... If it weren’t for your friend, I...”

     “That’s why I barely felt anything from you. You were... Damn, that’s...” He didn’t know what to say.

Leaning down to your stature, Kuroo’s face was inches away from yours. You were staring at him with wide eyes, as you watched him smirk slowly, or maybe that was how he smiled—whatever it was, it was making you feel warm inside.

     “Let’s try to get better, then, yeah?”

     “What?”

He hummed before leaning back and standing straight again, “From the looks of it, you’re feeling this way because you’ve lived your whole life unable to feel at all. Come to a few of my games, my team’s gonna show you an array of colorful emotions. Pick whatever you want.” 

You didn’t know if he was joking, “Kuroo-senpai—”

     “I’m not joking, (l/n)-chan. Yeah, I get that we’re soulmates, but I want to get to know you. And to do that, we need to take this away—” He pressed your nose and chuckled, “—and get to know me while we do this.”

     “I... I don’t—”

     “And someday, we’ll be what we have to be. It’s sad about your parents, but if they’re happy, then it’s great. I won’t say what your mother did was right or wrong, but you have to decide what you want to do.”

You took a deep breath. 

     “Kuroo-san,” He looked at you, earnestly, yet there was a hint of mischief in those eyes, “Someday, we’ll run into each other again, I know it. Maybe I’ll be older and smarter and just plain better. If that happens, that’s when I’ll deserve you. But now, at this moment, you can’t hook your boat to mine, because I’m liable to sink us both.”

Kuroo gave you a soft smile before nodding. Inching forward, he kissed you squarely on the forehead and ruffled your hair. 

     “Remember, I’ll feel what you feel, (l/n)-chan!”

You smiled softly to yourself.

*

Kuroo woke up that morning, feeling nothing but pure satisfaction. A smile streaked across his lips when he thought of you—having been years since he had seen you, and noticed how well you were doing. He appreciated your strong desire to not keep in touch, and that left him wondering what you were doing and if you were still in Tokyo. Yawning, Kuroo stepped out of his house, fully intending to take out the trash that one Sunday morning.

Kuroo had texted him saying he had plans—he had met his soulmate last winter, and apparently the two of them were going to some gaming thing.

Kuroo was happy, generally speaking. Sure, he missed the touch of a person on odd days, unable to find it in him to see anyone romantically, knowing you existed. He didn’t blame you—he wished well for you, wanting to give the universe a chance to scheme something this time around. As he was putting the trash in the bin, scratching the back of his bed head, Kuroo felt a sudden jolt of... what was this feeling? The feeling you get when you’re in a rollercoaster? 

Is she in a theme park somewhere? He thought before turning around, and freezing. 

There you were, standing in front of him, in the cold winter air of Tokyo, wrapped up in a thousand sweaters. Your face was a tad bit red, and your smile was a tad bit long. Kuroo felt warmth wash over his features. Not a word. No word.

     “Kuroo-senpai—”

He rushed toward you, feeling nothing but joy. Wrapping his arms around you, Kuroo breathed into your scent. Your hair tickled his chin and he felt your hands crawl to his back. 

     “I don’t normally hug strangers,” Kuroo teased, “But I’ll make an exception for you.”

     “I’m sorry I took so long.”

He chuckled. “I barely felt the time go by—”

     “I felt your longing for me, please don’t lie, senpai.”

He definitely couldn’t wait to get to know you.

[sparksflamesembersashes]

Random musings on 10.18 Find Me

Other Carylers have spoken about the episode and their interpretations of it and what it means for Caryl and their future and I've been sharing those and don't have that much to add to what’s already been discussed. Others have written well thought out and detailed analyses and interpretations and said it way better than I ever could. Most of them have been writing about Caryl forever and I started less than a year ago. I do want to speak to some technical stuff and a few other things, since I never do know when to shut up. Spoilers for 10.18 below the cut.

Brief talk on techie stuff... Wow, the cinematography in the plus six are really taking it up a notch. 10.18 has some of the most gorgeous images in the history of the show. The colors, the framing, and Caryl; separated by a stretch of water that's a literal stand-in for the divide between them, in an episode stuffed with signs and symbols and parallels. "Find Me" has some of the most visually breathtaking shots in the history of TWD... and do you know why? Because the plus six were filmed on digital cameras, for the first time in the history of a show that has always been shot on 16 millimeter film. Turns out, the digital process not only has fewer "touch points" (thanks for nothing, COVID) but it's also cheaper, faster, and easier on the environment.

TWD almost switched to digital for Season 2, and while AK claims now that they can still give it that classic TWD look, in a 2019 interview posted on comicbook.com, she said they were committed to shooting on film to preserve it's look and feel (confirming that film and digital are noticeably not created equal, an opinion/truth they are apparently backing off of, now). If the new episodes look different, its because they are. I am torn between which style I prefer. The grainy, Kodak-y type images of TWD as shot on film are increasingly rare on any screen, simultaneously nostalgic and beautiful and born of toxicity. The gallons of chemicals used in developing standard film are not environmentally friendly and probably need to go the way of the dinosaur. 

Digital is wonderful in its own ways, so minute in its details, and can easily capture images and light conditions otherwise incredibly difficult to duplicate on actual film... But digital doesn't look the same, it doesn't feel the same, in the way that CD's and vinyl records don't sound the same. Purists curl their lip at the new and improved version of the medium, but the truth is,most people don't notice the differences.

TWD has always used the sun and the moon to their best visual advantage and both the celestial backdrops show up in "Find Me." The sun filtering through the trees onto Daryl or in his general direction has made repeat appearances in S10. Is this a metaphor for his finally finding his enlightenment? (Or is it nothing deeper than AMC uses the light to make everything look as cool as possible?) 

10.18 shows us more of Daryl's soul (in a single episode) than we've seen before. His character goes through all sorts of colors, screaming in the rainstorm, grimacing as puppy Dog licks his face, meeting and spending time with this strange, lonely, gruff, almost mirror reflection of himself, someone who is grieving and angry and alone. Fighting with Carol! A real fight, but an honest and not altogether unhealthy one. You gotta work through to acceptance and let go of the past before you can look forward to a future, and these two have enough trauma issues between them to fill a psychiatric journal. They’ve a long, arduous road ahead of them, but they WILL reach their destination. Together.

Daryl throwing the fish at Leah's door and Leah throwing the fish at Daryl are my favorite moments in the episode. I laughed out loud. I did not get the impression that they only encountered each other once every several months, I took it that the time jumps measured the progression of their relationship, i.e. that it took that long for them to warm up to each other. When Daryl did go to stay at Leah's, it was literally out of necessity, as he was getting frost bitten in the woods and probably would have lost at least a digit or two had he remained in his camp.

For the first time, I didn't really enjoy the Caryl banter? (Please don't hurt me.) There was a sadness, a tension, and a sense of loss there I just couldn't shake. Carol was trying to run away from the horrors of the Whisperer's aftermath, and Daryl knew it, and he was annoyed by it. Carol's attempts at lightheartedness seemed forced. I feel like Daryl is a man with a whole lot on his mind at this point, and that Carol is a woman who is habitually trying not to think about the real stuff if she can avoid it. She jokes and banters but she's almost too cheerful... or maybe it just seems that way because Daryl's so grim. Not grim as in we're-all-facing-our-end-of-days-doom grim, but not in a laughing mood where Carol's concerned. He thinks she's running again, and seeing Leah's cabin reminds him that Leah probably ran from him, too. He lost both his brothers, Rick and Merle. Daryl has abandonment issues and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility going back as far as we know. He loses people and can't find them again, no matter how much he searches. 

Revisiting Leah's cabin, the devastation of Alexandria, and everything that's been building up over, about, and because of Carol has pressurized within Daryl till he finally takes a shot, and who can blame him? But he also shows his development and maturity by trying to express his disappointment with controlled words of frustration (compared to camp- or barn-rage Daryl in S2), telling Carol exactly what it is she does that's widening the chasm between them. 

Carol to Daryl early in the episode "I don't want to lose you because you can't figure out when to stop," and Daryl to Carol "That's on you. 'Cause you don't know when to stop.") Daryl doesn't know when to stop searching for his lost brother and blaming himself for things, Carol didn't know when to stop her revenge-fueled pursuit of Alpha. Daryl also tells Carol "That's all that matters. You being right." (after she says she was right to go after and destroy Alpha to avenge her son.) At the end of the ep., Carol says it again: "I was right" (this time about their luck having run out), then she goes to fix the door. 

So now Caryl know and have established what gets each other's goat. That could be a good thing, but tptb will undoubtedly attempt to convince us its a bad thing,, ya think? Neither of the characters knowing when to stop and their mutual annoyance over the fact could be something the show runners milk for a while.

Î wanted to know whether Daryl went back to the cabin after leaving his note, to see whether Leah had returned to it, or not. I want to know what Carol did with the note. Did she take it with her, or did she put it back? They never showed us. Daryl seemed anxious and tense about her finding it, and I did not miss the symbolism of Carol being the woman who eventually finds the note Daryl left behind years ago: "I belong with you. Find me." I mean, how perfect is that? 

Contrary to spoilery bullshit stinking up the Twittersphere, Carol did not seem exactly “upset” at finding the note, though clearly she was sad. She knew exactly what the note was, so Daryl must’ve told her about it, that he left it. Maybe he didn't tell her exactly what it said or everything about Leah, but my impression was that she realized what it was and where they were, and it was all yesterday's news to her. Seeing the note seemed to make her sad for Daryl because she knows Daryl can't handle losing people, and that he punishes himself for failing to help or save people by pushing everybody away and isolating. 

Leah didn't so much choose to be there in the cabin as she ran for her life from a dangerous situation and the cabin was just the place where she and her bitten son ended up.

So many yawning gaps in the Leah storyline. How often did they see each other? Did Daryl move in with her toward the end of their relationship? I felt like he did after the time she found him freezing in the woods, but that he'd leave for days to go look for Rick, or hunt, or who tf knows. Maybe he'd leave to see or meet Carol. Carol knew about Leah, but when? Before, or after it was happening? Why is that important? I just want to know when he told her.  Really hoping they didn’t leave things purposely vague so they can fill in the gaps to screw with us later. 

Timing is everything. Like, how much time passed between Leah telling Daryl to choose, and the time Carol told Daryl she couldn't keep visiting? Or did he leave Leah's cabin and return to it that same day? Which would imply Leah abandoned Daryl practically the instant he walked out the door following her ultimatum. It seems like Daryl was gone a while, it was dark when Leah told him to choose, and daylight in the scene with Carol at his camp and when he was walking in the woods. It could have been days. That makes a difference. Leah was obviously not Daryl's first choice, no matter that he ran back to her in the end.

The fact that Carol knew about Daryl's relationship with Leah is a crafty move on the show runner's part because we can't really be pissed at Daryl if Carol knew about it the whole time and was cool with it.... but we all know now that Daryl didn't tell her everything. 

No one is talking about how Leah obviously abandoned Dog, she left him shut in the damn cabin for who knows how long after she left. And she DID leave. The cabin looked abandoned when Daryl left the note. He obviously went searching for her with Dog, but for how long? 

Not to say there was nothing between them, but I never felt for an instant that Leah had Daryl's heart, or that he ever offered it up to her in the first place, but I am also 100% sure that’s because I’m ride-or-die for Caryl and can’t bear to entertain the thought. No matter what else they were, Daryl and Leah are isolated, damaged, traumatized people who wanted someone to hold on to. Someone to try and forget with. It's not like there were a lot of other people around to choose from.

So did Leah just leave Dog behind because the memories associated with him were too painful? (i.e. he was born on the day Leah's son died) Or did she feel that Daryl needed the companionship and gambled that Daryl would drop by soon and take him in? It really bothers me that she just split and left the dog locked in the cabin like that. 

Grateful they didn't show us anything extra of Daryl seeming to genuinely give a shit, tbh. (Throwing a fish at someone's door, having sex with them, sleeping in their bed or eating their cooking doesn't necessarily constitute giving a shit in this world, just saying.) That was both refreshing (cuz u know, Caryl is endgame), and kind of tragic. I felt like Daryl was rather emotionally detached the entire time, but that Leah was maybe falling in love with him. Not in a good way, but in a possessive, demanding, all-or-nothing type of way. 

How very very clever of AMC to leave us with all these ambiguities. So much room for interpretation, so many gaps to never be filled in. Bastards. On the bright side, all these holes in the story and missing material provide endless new opportunities for fanfic writers like me who can't break free of the bonds of canon. So, yay, I guess?

I am sad to give up the virgin Daryl trope, I was beginning to think that one was ours in canon to keep, but you know, it is what it is. It was a good, long run while it lasted, and I'm grateful we got to write inexperienced Daryl fics while we could still entertain the fantasy that Daryl was actually inexperienced. So, R.I.P. virgin Daryl. I'm not as upset about his getting laid as I thought I'd be (although it was incredibly underhanded, AMC, to pull this shit so very late in the game, there better be a good reason for it). 

All the Leah thing means to me right now is that our man has probably picked up some skills during his time with her, and Carol's gonna be the ultimate beneficiary. Plus, Daryl's evolved over the years from throwing a fish at a woman's door to delivering her dinner on a tray with a flower, so...progress was made, even if he didn't start out with the woman we wish he had. (News Flash: The love of his life was unavailable and actually married to another man at the time, so there's that.) 

There are a staggering number of Caryllels in this episode. Someone once said here that Kang loves her symbolism and they weren't wrong. No matter what's to come, we can be confident about where this road ends. At this point in TWD, to not eventually give us Caryl canon would be the absolute greatest trolling of a fandom in the history of trolling fandoms, and besides, we're getting a spin-off.

Another thing, the fact that Rick and Leah both basically disappeared on him shines a bright light on Daryl's determination to stick to Carol like glue in 10A and B. He was terrified that she was going to disappear on him, too.

What happened to the Caryl fandom following the spoilers wasn't worth it. How many times have we freaked out over spoilers? You think we'd learn. And you KNOW we are valued because AMC went so very far out of their way to provide the vaguest-ever depiction of a sexual encounter for Daryl. Remember the Eugene spying scene with Abe and Rosita, guys? Shane and Lori screwing on the ground in the woods? They could really have tortured us, and they chose to be kind.

I'm looking forward to "Diverged." Honestly, I could give a shit about most of the other characters, but they'll have to make do for us over the next couple of weeks. Just about the time 10.18's been dissected and interpreted to death, Caryl will reappear on our screens and mess with our hearts and minds some more. I can't wait.

Thank you for coming to my rant, and Caryl on! 

[ateezmakemeweep]

richboy!seonghwa (part 17)

word count: 7k

angst, slight fluff

(part 16) (series masterlist)

mingi was half right in his assumption that seonghwa was planning something for friday. because that nervous jittery feeling rushed right through you wednesday morning when he came in with a smirk on his face and asked if you had any plans this weekend.

"no, probably just sleep and watch tv. i started a new show," you inform him excitedly to which he responds with a small chuckle.

"yeah? well, do wanna come over friday and watch a movie instead? the guys are coming."

your eyes almost bulged out of your head until you heard that last part, pursing your lips to the side as you try to reign in any sort of rational self control.

"oh, thank you...i don't wanna intrude thou-"

"i want you to come so you're not intruding," he says softly, "and i think wooyoung and san will have an aneurism if you don't."

a small giggle leaves your mouth, shaking your head at the thought of the two boys. "well, we can't have that."

your eyes roam the soft look on his face, eyes bright but with an apprehensive twinge in them. "so you'll come?" he asks and the happy, hopeful tone in his voice makes you smile.

"yeah."

and that's how you ended up standing back in front of seonghwa's mansion of a house, hands folded behind your back as you rock on your feet nervously. you're praying to anyone who will listen above that everything goes smoothly, that your crushing guilt and insatiable pull to yeosang doesn't have you ruining the night.

because the library incident didn't help lessen the memory of the incident almost a week ago nor do your quick, heated gazes in the hallways or library when you see him tutoring.

the door flying open causes you to stumble back, an awkward chuckle leaving your mouth when seonghwa's eyes widen upon seeing you nearly fall down the stairs.

"did i scare you?" he asks softly and you squint your eyes at him playfully.

"no!"

"oh no?" he teases, advancing towards you to place a hand on your hip and pull you closer to him.

"no," you squeak, poking his chest lightly. "just taken aback by your commoner-like clothing."

even though there's nothing about him that looks ordinary, still looking like his handsome, elegant self in a white t-shirt that stretches over his fit torso and baggy gray sweatpants.

truthfully, you don't know how to feel about yourself right now. having your mind twinged with your intense yeosang moments but also feeling drawn to seonghwa. and now you need to spend the night with both of them when they affect you so strongly, when they make your heart and mind race with far too many thoughts and feelings.

a melodic laugh bubbles out of his mouth as he shakes his head at you, the soft amusement twinged in his eyes doing nothing to help the fluttering in your stomach.

"sorry it wasn't a matching-pajama set," he teases, moving to grab your hand and pulling you into his house. your cheeks flush at the memory, what feels like months ago when you creeped into his backyard and first saw him before blurting out your word vomit to him the night after that party.

"seonghwa?"

"y/n?"

"why aren't...you should change...i mean you don't have to but..." he watches you with a blank expression before the next part of your sentence tumbles out, "i liked the fancy pajamas i first met you in. with the stripes."

a loud abrupt laugh tumbles out of his mouth, his hand coming up to cover it as he cackles into his hand and a fervent blushes covers your face.

"stop laughing, oh my god!" your hands fly up to cover your flushed cheeks, "i didn't mean it like that i, just...you're in the same clothes as last night and-"

his big hands cover yours, rubbing his thumbs over the back of your palms as he looks down at you softly.

"you're cute, you know that?"

a strangled giggle leaves your mouth at the embarrassing memory, smacking him lightly as he guides you down the stairs to his basement - if you can even call it that. because what you associate as a dingy, dusty borderline scary room is something just as extravagant as the rest of his home.

a giant white sectional with extended cushions faces the biggest flat-screen tv you've ever seen, blankets and pillows sprawled out on the bottom. you giggle upon seeing hongjoong's head sticking out from one of the blankets, waving at you lazily through hooded eyes. your gaze filters over the rest of the couch, taking note that yeosang doesn't appear to be here yet.

you scan the rest of the basement, a fully stocked bar and kitchen catching your eye along with a popcorn machine that you'd see at the movie theater. you crane your head up at seonghwa, a teasing look on your face. "wow, that's fancy."

he meets your gaze with a smirk. "c'mon little one, were you expecting anything le-"

"don't be shy! put some more!" wooyoung's loud voice screeches and it rings in your ears like he's right next to you. you snap your head to see him sitting on the counter cross-legged, looming over a bowl of popcorn.

"no wooyoung!" san whines, "there's already too much salt! do you seriously want to-"

"hey, guys! look who i found!" seonghwa's voice interrupts, lifting your intertwined hands and the two boys whip their heads up before they barrel towards you screaming your name.

popcorn long forgotten, they excitedly tell you about the movies they've picked out. a nice marathon of comedy, horror and fantasy that has you writhing in your spot next to san a few moments later.

seonghwa prances over, popcorn in hand before he shimmies his way in next to you. "is it okay if sit here?" he mumbles causing you to nod shyly and he bites his lip to hide his smile.

"are we starting without yeosang?" hongjoong asks.

and seonghwa must mistake your tensing for fear opposed to....a different type of nervousness and excitement that's coursing through your veins because he eyes you before explaining he had said to start the movie and that he'll be here in an hour.

and it's about fifteen minutes in, lights dimmed and volume blaring as blankets cover the five of you that he whispers in your ear.

"you're good with yeosang, right?" seonghwa mumbles in your ear and the pace in which your heart starts to race is absolutely concerning.

"what do you mean?" your quiet voice chokes out.

"you tensed up before when i said his name," he says lowly, his arm wrapped around the back of the couch stretching as he moves slightly closer to you. "if he's still being a dick, i'll talk to him."

"no, it's okay," you say, probably far too quickly and nervously. because the last thing you want is them talking about you. "i just- i...i forgot he was coming, too."

your stomach knots when you stutter, your guilt-filled body and neurotic brain convincing you he's gonna see through your lies and demand to know just how okay things are with yeosang. demand to know the real reason why you barely said a word in the car back from the ski trip and why you've been more nervous around him than usual.

"okay," he says softly, like he's not second-guessing your answer at all before his face leans in. "let me know if you ever want me to."

i will never do that, you think.

"will do," you squeak out, ('another lie,' that mean part of your mind bites) swallowing the nervous lump in your throat and assuring him with a small smile of your own that he meets. and even only with the flickering lights from the tv, you see his soft gaze roam over your face before his hand reaches out to caresses your cheek slowly.

you hope he doesn't notice how your eyes bulge, how you swallow again as your own voice continues to scream at you. because you have no right to be leaning into his touch nor do you have the right to rest your head on his shoulder when he taps on it lightly as an invitation.

you can't even focus on the rest of the movie afterward, assuming it's funny from the laughs coming from san and wooyoung and the way seonghwa's shoulder will occasionally wobble underneath your head.

you can only think about how you shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be accepting comfort and affection from a person you clearly can't give your whole self to, who you're keeping a giant secret from and pretending as if everything's okay.

"he's literally obsessed with you, i don't know if i've ever seen him act like this."

wooyoung's words from last week ring through your head at that exact moment and it causes your stomach to twist even more.

you have to tell him.

and it's not even necessarily because you owe it him. he never officially asked you to be anything, you guys haven't even known each other that long.

but with the way he acts, the way he seems so taken and caring and...affectionate towards you, it doesn't seem right to hold it back. and because a part of you and yeosang feels this guilty, it's even more of an indication that you keeping it a secret is wrong.

but you know there's also a bigger part to this, that him and yeosang's friendship could be potentially in jeopardy if everyone's assumption that seonghwa does like you is true.

but it's not that you don't like him, you think you just might really like...

the sound of feet padding down the stairs catches your attention, your heart racing and palms sweating before you even see yeosang's face. and when you do, it only heightens your body's reaction.

because he just stands there observing the couch silently, his presence either still unknown or ignored by the other three (hongjoong had fallen asleep before seonghwa was able to press rent). and even in the dark, your eyes meet for a split second before you see him observe seonghwa's figure next to you.

"yeosang!" san screeches, wooyoung looking up and doing the same who's laid out by the boy's feet.

"hey guys," he says with an even tone, plopping down and nearly sitting on hongjoong's face. "did he even make it to the opening scene?"

"of course not," you hear seonghwa's deep voice say causing the boy to snort.

the room quickly falls silent again and you glue your eyes to the screen, laughing or grimacing when everyone else does. and you keep up appearances until the movie ends twenty minutes later, the dim lights suddenly flickering on as seonghwa taps the wall behind you twice.

you lift your head as your eyes move to the corner of the couch where you see hongjoong hasn't stirred before flickering to yeosang's. you find his gaze was already on you, expression unreadable but his jaw set and eyebrow raised. you try to remain stone-faced as well, ignoring the way your body feels inclined to be closer to him and how you can't seem to tear your hard gazes away from each other.

because it's something that just keeps happening. your gazes and stares and bodies working on their own accord, because it's strong enough to have such an impact over your words and actions. because it's almost overwhelming how every rational thought gets pushed aside the moment your eyes meet and bodies press against each other.

"y/n?" you hear seonghwa's voice ask and you jump slightly, quickly craning your neck to look at him.

"you good?" he asks lowly, eyes looking over your face before flickering to yeosang who's looking down at his phone.

"ye-yeah," you squeak out, "are we doing the horror now?"

"yes!" wooyoung says, clapping his hands eagerly and you giggle at how childlike it is.

"you act like you're not gonna be screaming to turn it off in ten minutes," you hear yeosang remark dryly.

"shut up!" the boy responds sassily before roughly grabbing the empty bowl from the middle of the couch. "new comers refill the bowl."

"bite me."

"you have too!" wooyoung whines.

"i'll do it," you say softly, taking the bowl from his grasp. "i have to pee, anyway."

you stumble around seonghwa clumsily, a small laugh leaving his mouth at your lack of grace causing you to squint your eyes at him in passing. you pad over to the machine, standing on your tippy toes to open the latch and fill the bowl with popcorn.

"be generous with the salt!" you hear wooyoung scream and you shake your head with a smile, leaving it on the table before disappearing into the bathroom. you grip the cold, marble countertop tightly, closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

you know yeosang will never agree to tell seonghwa, especially after his reaction to you telling just mingi and yunho. but you can't take the crushing guilt anymore, the almost constant feeling of dread and wrongdoing making you feel nauseous and queazy.

how does he not feel it too? how can he go on like normal, look at seonghwa and laugh with him when he's knowingly keeping something from him that could hurt him him? doesn't he have the right to know?

but it's not only yeosang's decision, it took both of you to do it. so even though seonghwa and yeosang are the closer of friends here, it was also something you did to and will take just as much responsibility for; you also have the right to get off your own guilt-ridden chest, no matter how selfish and unfair it is.

so it's with that, that you fake a pee, flush the toilet and run the faucet before ripping open the door. you pad over the kitchen to grab the bowl when you see yeosang standing at the counter pouring himself a glass of soda, his eyes flickering up to you before back down to his glass wordlessly.

you walk up to the counter and place your hands on the bowl, spinning it anxiously as you stare at him.

"why are you looking at me," he asks a few moments later, voice low and eyes not leaving the fizzling glass.

"i wanna tell him."

his head snaps up to you immediately, his face perplexed with narrowed eyes and a sneer.

"no."

"yeosang," you whine lowly.

"i already told you that can never hap-"

"it's killing me, yeosang. do you know how guilty i feel keeping this in me? like it's a dirty little secret."

"nothing good will come out of that besides fixing your own guilt," yeosang says coldly, his eyes matching his tone when he looks up at you. "so maybe you should clear that head of yours and stop making yourself so cozy on him in the meantime."

your eyes widen at the harshness in his time and words. "fuck you!" you whisper-yell at him, "maybe you should grow a conscious and just tell him what we-"

"why would we just randomly mention that, y/n?" yeosang growls before roughly opening the fridge and placing the bottle back. "it wouldn't make any sense now," he grumbles, still facing away from you.

"we could just say we have something to tell him and-"

"yeosang! y/n!" you hear wooyoung whine and you keep your glare on yeosang's back before reluctantly turning around. you see seonghwa's neck craned backward, curiously observing you and yeosang whispering hushly. "where's the popcorn! we're staring the movie."

"coming," yeosang says before you can mumble out "one second." you whip your head around to give him a dirty look and insist that he listens to you but find he's already halfway around the counter walking back to the couch.

when you plop back down in your seat with a huff, seonghwa taps the wall to dim the lights again and you're grateful when he doesn't say a word.

but your heart feels like it physically hurts, pulls in a hundred different directions and drops into your stomach when he places his hand on yours. you look over to see him smile softly at you, giving you a knowing, comforting look before he turns his head to the tv.

his gentle, slow strokes on your hand throughout the entire first half of the movie do nothing to help your guilt. it only heightens it, reminds you of how gentle and soft and sweet he is to you.

so that's why when you notice yeosang get up and close the bathroom door a few minutes later, you down the rest of your water and quietly inform seonghwa you're going to get more.

you linger in the kitchen for a few moments, taking your time to refill your glass and look around at the decor on the walls when you hear the door squeak open. and before he can walk off, you grab him by the sleeve and lead him off to the corner of the kitchen, where you're barely visible from the couch.

"you better not say it again," he hisses through his teeth.

you try for a nice approach first, looking up at him with pleading eyes and a soft, sweet tone in your voice.. "i just don't see why we can't-"

but he sees right through it, squinting his eyes at you and shaking his head. "you better fucking stop."

and the way he just so quickly dismisses you has irritation and anger flooding through your veins. because he's not even trying to listen and saw through your act in a second.

"you stop!" you shoot back, quickly letting your temper take over. "i know you feel just as guilty."

"no shit but i'm able to suppress it, y/n," he says to you, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at you. "why tell him that and just make him mad or upset?"

"because it doesn't feel right," you brokenly whisper, "it feels like we're sneaky around and indirectly lying to him. he doesn't deserve that."

you watch his eyes roam over you before he heavily sighs, leaning the side of his head against the wall. because of course he feels bad about it, he feels bad that it happened and that now he can't even say he regrets it; and it also doesn't help seeing you so upset and torn up about it.

but he's more scared of his friend's reaction, seeing how quickly and intensely he developed feelings for you. more scared of his friendship being tainted and strained because he had a moment of weakness that continue to be more frequent.

"we. can't."

his voice is gradually getting more dark and pissed off, irritated that you won't drop it and irritated by his ever present reaction to you.

"it's not your only decision, yeosang," you snap, "we both did it so if i wanna tell him, i feel like i should be able t-"

your back is against the wall before you can finish your sentence, your bodies just a few inches away from touching as he darkly looms over you. you have half the mind to push him away roughly, smack him in the chest for always cornering you and trying to intimidate you with his close proximity.

because it almost always works.

"i already told you we're not," he says, finality in his tone that would usually get you to give in and drop it. but now it's just serving to make your more angry.

"and i told you i want to," you snap, voice no longer a whisper but still low enough not to be heard by the others.

"y/n....i swear to god, i'm gonna-"

"what. what are you gonna do?" you spit harshly before a familiar scene with flickering lights of an elevator play in your head.

"i swear to god, y/n," he growls, backing you up until you hit one of the four walls.

"what, yeosang?" you spit, "i have the right to know. it just makes no sense why you would ask me something like that-"

"i suggest you watch yourself," he growls lowly, his hand roughly grabbing your jaw.

"i suggest you stop being a coward and fucking tell your best friend we kissed."

the bright lights in the kitchen turning on have your heart dropping in your chest, head frantically turning the side to see seonghwa blankly staring at the two of you.

because not only do the words you just uttered clearly prove you're caught, your position is no better. pressed up between the wall and his body, your face in his hand where you gazes were just boring into each other, how all the color has drained from both of you.

yeosang pushes himself away from you immediately, looking between you and seonghwa, jaw clenched as his wary eyes waver back and forth.

"what're you guys talking about?"

you swallow nervously, biting your lip as you look between him and yeosang. and that's how it is for the first few silent seconds, anxious and confused eyes bouncing off of each other.

"y/n?" his soft, strained voice suddenly utters and it's like that's all you need to hear before tears prick your eyes. because you knew this was bound to happen, you even wanted it to. but now you see you severely underestimated just how scary and intimidating it would be.

you try to speak up, his name getting caught in your throat and it causes his face to crumble. because you can barely look at him, can't even get words out and now he's starting to feel the validity of what he just heard.

"yeosang?" he utters next but his friend only looks at him with a pained expression, shaking his head slightly as he deeply says his name.

"one of you better start talking, now." and the way seonghwa falls into his scary, commanding side is causing your stomach to knot even more.

"i wanted to tell you," you squeak out nervously, your voice already quivering, "but he-"

"i didn't think it would be the appropriate time," yeosang says, shooting a glare your way. "and i also didn't want you to get upset."

but seonghwa can only shake his head, looking between the two of you in bewilderment. because this is so random, there was no indication the two of you even got along, let alone were gonna...

"so you guys...kissed?" he says, lips pressing together tightly after he says the word. you and yeosang look to each other warily, your eyes full of unshed tears while his are cold and guarded.

"answer me."

you both snap your heads when you hear his growl and nod, his jaw only tightening before a humorless laugh leaves his mouth. his eyes roam over your face and he hates that his heart starts to squeeze at the sight of tears in your eyes, that he wants to reach out and wipe them away.

"when?" he asks, looking directly at you.

"seonghwa, if you could just hear us o-"

"when, y/n."

your face crumbles at his uncharacteristic frigid tone towards you. "the last night of the ski trip," you mumble out.

he looks taken aback and it unnerves you that there could be a number of reasons for it. because he could be thinking you planned for it to happen and that's why you didn't go skiing with him. or reminding himself that just the night before, you had been kissing him. or like he's realizing that's why you've been acting so weird this week with him.

"but it wasn't planned, seonghwa, i swear," you get out quickly, "i-the elevator got stuck and we were fighting and screaming at each other and then it just...happened."

you hold each other's gaze for a tense few moments, your eyes pleading with him to understand while he looks at you with such distrust.

"we...we had just kissed the night before that, y/n," he says, jaw tightening as he looks at yeosang. "did you know that?"

yeosang can only stare at his friend with a dejected look on his face before he hesitantly nods.

"so you knew that," seonghwa says, his voice getting a pinch louder, "and knew that i..." his words break off as he moves closer to his friend who stands his ground. "why the fuck, yeosang, tell me."

"she already told you, it just happened," yeosang mumbles because what else can he say?

"so it was just a kiss? a mistake?" seonghwa asks lowly, looking his friend directly in the eyes.

"it..." yeosang begins, eyes flickering to you as you watch them both tearfully. your eyes widen slightly when you make eye contact, lip quivering nervously and he can't bring himself to say it was a mistake. because that would imply it was wrong and shouldn't have happened. and he can lie to himself all he wants that it shouldn't have happened but he can't lie to seonghwa anymore. "i didn't-we weren't...." he lets out a frustrated sigh, "i don't know, seonghwa."

"what the fuck do you mean you don't know?"

"i don't know, okay! we don't know how it happened or why it happened," his deep voice explains. "it just....did and now i've been trying to forget about it for your sake but-"

"but what?" seonghwa grunts out, cutting him off before he can continue

"i'm sorry," he says lowly, his eyes meeting his friends and the two of them don't look away from each other. yeosang's eyes pleading and apologetic while seonghwa looks like he's ready burn a hole into him.

"why are you sorry?" he grunts out.

but yeosang can only shake his head, his gaze flickering to you which causes seonghwa to grab his shirt and push him against the wall.

"don't fucking look at her," he growls, "why are you sorry? why can't you...stop thinking about it?"

you can only watch them talk with wide tearful eyes, wanting so badly to split things up and stop things before it gets ugly. but you find yourself trapped, unable to move as you watch seonghwa pin yeosang against the wall who finally mutters:

"the same reason you're so pissed right now."

and his confession is quickly followed by your loud gasp as you watch seonghwa's fist collide with yeosang's face.

"seonghwa!" you screech out, moving to the boy's and attempting to worm your way in between them. but it proves useless when both of them reach out and push you away from them, their hands connecting with the side of your arm.

you hear your own voice begging them to stop through your pounding ears, tears streaming down your face when you watch yeosang push the taller boy off of him after he gets punched a second time.

"seonghwa, stop, i know i fucked up but-"

"but what," the boy growls, advancing toward him again and pushing him back into the wall. "because as far as you knew and saw, you treated her like shit."

"and i always apologized to her," yeosang says, feeling the need to defend himself while trying to remain cordial. because he is the one in the wrong here. but it only causes seonghwa to let out another humorless laugh, tightening his hold on yeosang's shirt.

"and here i thought you paid for her because you felt bad," he growls at yeosang causing your mouth to drop open. did he just say yeosang had paid for you?

"i did," yeosang says through clenched teeth.

"did you feel bad when you kissed her then? some sort of fucked up, twisted apology?"

"wait, yeosang and y/n kissed?" wooyoung's loud voice booms before his eyes widen when he sees the scene playing out in front of him. yeosang's bloody nose and red face, his shirt in a harsh grip by seonghwa's hand.

"did you guys fucking know?" seonghwa harshly asks as he whips his head around. his eyes then land on you, tears on your cheeks as your teeth assault your lip. "did everyone fucking know but me?"

"of course not," you cry out, reluctantly making your way over to him when he shakes his head at you. you pause, looking at him and yeosang with the faint sound of wooyoung telling san to wake hongjoong.

"we thought not telling you would be better for everyone," yeosang tells him, "it wasn't meant to hurt you, seonghwa. we didn't mean for it to happen."

"but it did. it did fucking happen and neither of you seem to be able to say it shouldn't have or that it won't happen again."

yeosang's adams apple bobs nervously, your eyes meeting the floor as a quiet cry leaves your mouth. you're surprised when you feel san's presence next to you, his arm wrapping around your shoulder comfortingly,

"i don't know what you want us to tell you besides sorry," yeosang says, "we've both felt so fucking guilty, you don't even-"

his words get cut off by seonghwa's fist ramming into his face again, wooyoung and a roused hongjoong rushing over to pull the boy off of him.

"you're an asshole, yeosang. i always knew it but i didn't think you were this bad," seonghwa spits, voice gruff and deep.

"really, seonghwa, you've known her for three fucking seconds," yeosang finally bites back and the two smaller boys tighten their hold on seonghwa's withering body.

"get off me," seonghwa growls at hongjoong who only shakes his head at him before turning back to yeosang.

"you should leave," the boy advises.

"hongjoong, i want to talk to him but-"

"yeah, let's talk," seonghwa yells, "talk about what a piece of shit best friend you are."

"seonghwa, what else do i have to-"

"leave!" a struggling hongjoong yelps, pushing seonghwa off to the other side of the basement.

you can only cry quietly into san who strokes your hair gently, mumbling comforting words into your ear. yeosang looks over at your trembling frame before switching to seonghwa who's sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. hongjoong is knelt down in front of him, speaking hushly when their gazes meet and the boy mouths "leave."

yeosang let's out a huff, throwing you one last look that you meet tearfully before he quickly walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs with one last mumble of "i'm sorry, hwa."

"what happened, y/n?" san asks quietly. you pull back and he frowns seeing your tear-stained face.

"i'm such a bad person, san," you say, voice shaking and wet, "what the fuck did i just-i didn't mean for this to-"

"relax," san says lowly, rubbing over your back soothingly. "take a few breaths and then just explain to me what happened."

so that's how you then find yourself confessing everything to san, everything from the beginning of the ski trip to your dates and kiss with seonghwa to your times with yeosang.

"one-one minute we were fighting and the next we were kissing and...seonghwa is so sweet and slow and nice and he's such a good person," you cry to san, "but it's...i don't know, it's just...it seems different with-"

you can't even get his name out, shaking your head as your face crumbles again. "i'm such a fucking who-"

"don't," san quickly says, voice commanding and strong.

"i am!" you squeak, "how could i do this to both of them? kiss them not even 24 hours apart? do you know how horrible that makes me?"

"you're just confused, y/n, you all are," san says lowly, "and everyone's too shocked and full of adrenaline right now to see it."

"but it isn't fair to-

the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut has you jumping in san's hold, head snapping to the side to see hongjoong making his way to you.

"how did you get here?" the boy asks you softly, though his eyes don't match.

"my mom dropped me," you tell him quietly, "hongjoong, i didn't mean to-"

"maybe you should call her to come get you."

"hongjoong, you don't have to-"

the dark look the boy throws san has the boy falling silent, sighing before looking over your face apologetically. your lips fold into one another so they don't tremble again, nodding your head before your gaze moves to the bathroom.

"can i just talk to him?"

hongjoong shrugs his shoulders, looking back at the door. "you could try," he mumbles out before walking back towards the couch.

"you should," san encourages sweetly, "i'll stay here, okay?"

you smile up at him gratefully, nodding your head before taking a deep breath and wiping your wet, tear-stained face. you knock on the door and hear his mumble of "what?" before you open it slightly and peak your head in.

"can i come in?" you ask quietly.

his head snaps to the side to look at you, his eyes clouding with shock, anger, surprise, even that underlying soft look you most definitely don't deserve right now.

but before he can answer, you hear the running of water as a bottle of peroxide rests on the sink next to him. you walk in hesitantly and close the door, making your way over to him.

you dab alcohol on a cotton ball before taking his hand in yours, hearing him sharply inhale and you think he's gonna whip his hand away and curse you out.

but because he's seonghwa, he doesn't. he just watches you clean his cut up hand, not even wincing at the stinging pain.

"seonghwa..."

"don't, y/n," he says and the pain that sounds clogged in his throat makes your tears resurface.

"i'm sorry," you squeak out, "i wanted to tell you all night but-"

"why," he asks, eyes boring into yours and he just watches the tears build up behind them. "why did you kiss him?"

"i told you seonghwa, it just happened," you squeak out. "do you think i ever had any intention after how he treated me."

"that's why i'm so confused, y/n," he mutters out, "and we had...we had kissed just the night before."

"i know," you cry out, "but it wasn't-it was-"

"did you not...like it?" he asks before a humorless laugh leaves his mouth, "jesus christ, i sound like a fucking idiot."

"you don't, seonghwa, it wasn't you," you insist, "sometimes i don't even think you're real, because everything about you is perfect, that kiss included."

"then what the hell was it?" he asks, voice raising a tad higher, "why?"

"i don't know," you squeak out because you're not about to tell him it lacked the passion you're apparently so drawn to. how you seem to prefer being yelled at and thrown against a wall like some sort of disturbed person.

"if you had to kiss one of us again, who would it be?" he finds himself asking and your face pales because you're getting a strange sense of deja vu.

"if you had to kiss someone," yeosang says lowly in your ear, "would it be me or seonghwa?"

"i...i don't- seonghwa, i-"

you watch as instant regret covers his face, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head side to side.

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have asked that," he grunts out.

your wide, glossy eyes roam over his face and you swallow the lump in your throat. because you don't know what to say and you can't even give him an answer as he looks at you expectantly, like he thinks you might disregard his last statement and blurt out that it's him.

but you both know that's not the case, his sinking stomach and hurting heart watching you look at him with pain and sorrow in your teary eyes.

"you should go, okay?" seonghwa says suddenly, turning around as he starts fumbling with the sink and cabinets. "i'll see you on monday."

"seonghwa, i'm sor-"

"it's okay, just go...please."

you wipe at the new tear trailing down your face, looking at him one last time as he leans over the sink. you sigh before turning around and opening the door to leave the bathroom, shutting it lightly before padding over to san to say goodbye.

he walks back in the the nurse to see you had fallen asleep, hands tucked under your cheek with a peaceful, soft look on your face. he smiles to himself, quietly walking over and placing your bag at the foot of the bed. he roams your slumbering face with a sickeningly soft expression, allowing himself to admire you looking so peaceful and content for a few moments.

and then before he turns to leave, he places a soft kiss on your forehead and lets his lips linger, mumbling, "i hope you say yes on friday," before walking quietly out of the room.

but because you didn't, because tonight blew up in his face in the most unexpected way and he didn't get to ask you on a first official date, he dials up the number he so happily called on tuesday to cancel a dinner reservation for two.

san walks you out of seonghwa's house five minutes later, giving you his number and telling you to text him when you get home safely. because in hopes to clear your head, you're gonna walk home. even though the wind is biting and it's a few miles, you think you need it right now.

but you don't even make it down the block before a car pulls up next to you, tensing up as you look to the side before you relax at the familiar face.

"get in."

"i don't think that's a good-"

"can you please just get in."

his voice is just as drained and exhausted as you feel, letting out a sigh before opening the door. he takes off down the block once you're buckled in and drives off in the direction of your house, seemingly able to remember how seonghwa got there all those weeks ago.

it's silent for the first few minutes of the drive, his hand clenching and unclenching around the steering wheel as you bounce your leg nervously.

"now you see why i didn't wanna to tell him," is the first thing he says to break the silence.

"what, so we were just supposed to hide it from him forever?" you squeak out, "because sneaking around like liars obviously wouldn't have blown up in our face."

"if you just kept your mouth shut tonight, this wouldn't have happened," he growls and you let out a wet laugh, shaking your head at him.

"yeah, okay, this is my fucking fault!" you yelp, "you're right, sorry."

he lets out a sigh as the atmosphere starts to grown tense and he shakes his head wordlessly, gripping the steering wheel again. you're a few blocks away from your house when he suddenly pulls over, your head snapping to look at him with pinched eyebrows.

"this isn't my hou-"

"we both just have to agree that it'll never happen again."

you turn your head to see him looking at you intently, eyes roaming your questioning, confused face.

"is that what you want?"

the words tumble out of your mouth before your brain can even register them. his face falls slightly, eyes moving to your lips before he lets out a scoff and tears his gaze away.

"does it really matter what i want? it didn't matter when i said i didn't wanna tell him."

your eyebrows furrow together as your mouth drops open, an annoyed groan filling the car.

"you're unbelievable," you spit out, "i don't even know why i bother trying to talk to you."

your hand falls to unbuckle the seatbelt, his hand wrapping around your wrist when you have it  halfway off your body.

"stop."

"no," you snap, ripping your hand from his hold and moving the strap completely off you. "thanks for the ride but i'm gonna walk the rest of the way."

"oh jesus christ, stop being annoying," he groans out with a roll of his eyes.

your face flames with anger, your hands itching with the need to smack him and he suppresses a smirk when your hands clench into fists.

"you're just mean, yeosang! sometimes i feel like you're okay and i'm..i don't know, getting somewhere with you?" you say, moving your hands animatedly as your eyes move to look outside the window. "but then you're just such a fucking dick and i really feel like-"

a squeak leaves your mouth before it's quickly covered my his, your lips meeting in a kiss as your body is pulled halfway over the middle console. you make a surprised noise against his lips before you fall into the familiar pattern of kissing him. and it's something you definitely shouldn't be doing after the night you guys just had, shouldn't be relishing in the way your lips move in synch and how his hand snakes its way into your hair.

your hand moves to his chest to steady yourself and he pulls you closer, quickly slipping his tongue into your mouth and you hate that a content little moan slips past your lips. because it only seems to egg him on more, has him tightening his hand in your hair and moving you closer over the console before you both pull away in need of air.

you look at each other with red lips and heaving chests, the sinking feeling completely overpowered by the pleasure and desire coursing through both of you.

"what do you think?" his deep voice grunts out breathlessly, "is that what i want?"

(part 18)

[a-cai-jpg]

this is the most honest i know how to be.

as we walk down the streets of boston at 5:30 am, the air is cool and sweet. 

i breathe in, and i'm in indiana, at camp, dragging myself from my cabin to the main lodge and trying to hide my weariness from my campers. their laughter filters through the cotton grogginess of my mind. i lean towards it as we eat. on the train, the trees rush past my window. we didn't even notice when the train started moving, but then suddenly we were out of boston.

the last time i took ground transport to somewhere else, it was october, maybe. i was with hannah then, and we talked about traveling. it was 5 hours of conversation, and from that day, i knew i had to keep her. you were on my mind then too.

the early morning sunlight shifts through the trees. i'm reminded of rural england, 16 years old, something wild rearing its head in my chest, a shadow of which i still feel if i try hard to look for it. i'm writing a postcard to a friend. "the forest looks like a place for fae," i write. i received a letter from him last year and spent too long thinking of a reply.

so here it is--we are at the end. i was cooking at casi's stove yesterday night, and i said, "why can't we just rewind to orientation?" and the fear comes out as a whine. we are walking across a bridge towards brown university today, and i think about why humans are afraid of death.

"people are afraid of the unknown," i say as we wait for our starbucks drinks. "i think that's why we are scared of death."

i'm responding to her fear of unnaturally large things. i don't think this is what she meant.

but i'm thinking about how and why we are on this earth. to what do we become once we die? are we afraid of the unknown, or are we afraid to become no more? how many of us are remembered when we pass, how many of us are worth being remembered? for what do we live?

i think the questions in my head, but i don't speak them aloud. we walk past a canopied path that she says reminds her of haikyuu.

i am both weary and restless. i want to crawl out of my skin and take a nap somewhere for a few decades, but instead i'm trapped on a 6 hour flight back home. i'm scared of going home.

the plane is warm, i can't breathe, and i wait for my earbuds to charge so i can continue watching television. i think my thoughts in coherent sentences so they do not wander, and so here i am, writing this on my phone. i glance up at the map sometimes, and chuckle inwardly as i realize i can't actually recognize the states without labels. which one is arizona and which one is new mexico? it's a 4 hour drive to arizona so it must be closer to california, i think to myself. or did i make that up?

i think traveling will help, but i wander different cities and mountains and cliffs and lakes, and i want to go back home.

but it's weird, because home is a feeling. god i've written about this before, but home is a feeling. a route that i walk without thinking, feet moving to the beat of my music. shrieks of laughter as we watch television. the calm silence as we eat dinner. i can count back the hours and days to which i last felt at home.

when did you last feel like yourself? daniel asks.

sometime today, i think. not when we were driving up the north shore. probably the arboretum. it's familiar, and i am grounded. i was actually thinking about this today, i joke. i don't know when it was, but i thought, wow the crystal really worked.

but god, the last time i felt at home.

i ask daniel to put my cot in his room because i'm scared to sleep alone. i sit in casi's living room for as long as possible, and play with the idea of asking whether i can sleep over. she offers, but i decline, because how long can i push it off? for the first time, i'm annoyed that my basically-stepfather lives with us now, because i can no longer crawl into my mother's bed. i haven't done that in years.

ten, twenty, thirty minutes pass, and i allow myself two teardrops and tell daniel my most irrational fear. what the fuck? he says in reply. i know it's irrational, but if it happens, i'm going to be so fucking pissed. yeah, it's irrational. it's easier now that someone else holds it with me, even if he thinks i'm crazy for even having the thought.

a few years back, i wrote a piece about not finding your home in people. people change, your home crumbles. i wrote this after meeting an old friend in ginza. i got a new haircut that day, and he dyed his hair brown. i never found a home in him, but i did in others that we once shared. i thought about change and college and what comes next, and as i looked at him in wonder, i was nostalgic and wistful and hopeful.

i tell my therapist that i identify myself in relation to people. when they are gone, i am lost, or i spend too long looking for myself again, and when i find the self, i'm not sure i like her. she doesn't understand, because i smile and joke and talk about the theory of the reflexive self, but i'm so fucking scared.

i don't know, i muse. see, i think the problem is this. i'd created an expectation for who i wanted to become. but i don't think i became her, so now i've disappointed myself.

i'm watching a korean drama right now, but i keep thinking about a japanese movie i watched with my aunt in china. it's called hanamizuki, and i'm not too sure what about it stuck with me. 花水木. maybe the poignancy of loss? of the happy ending not working out?

i've written stories in my head all my life, and i'd tried to write a script for my own life. i would joke i'm the tragic greek hero, trying and failing to defy the gods, but if there is a god out there, he'd probably just smile sadly at me.

i'm not unhappy. i'm happy.

i keep asking the people around me this question, and everyone says, "i'm not unhappy, but i'm not happy."

i can definitively say i'm happy. i've had so much fun this past month, i don't know if i deserve it. it's just sometimes, i want more. life is an exercise in being content with what you have, but i'm still learning the steps towards that.

i don't expect all the days to be good. one day, i know i will be definitively unhappy. but i also (do i dare?) don't expect all the days to be bad. one day, i know i will be definitively happy again.

but at the same time, i don't know how to respond when people ask, "how are you? what's new? tell me what happened."

i realized i'm terrible at lying, because i want people to see me for my full self, but at the same time, i'm terrified of that.

jason pulls up a picture on my instagram and says, this doesn't look like you. i'm almost offended and laugh, until he says, you look too happy here. did i not look happy in the pictures you took of me today? i ask. no, you did. but you look genuinely happy here. i've never seen you look like that before.

i don't know how to respond, so i just shrug and say, it was a good day.

it was after an exam and the weather was warm. i could wear a dress and a light jacket. i really like that dress. i remember something about a watch. my ankle ached because of where i'd rolled it a few years back, but yeah, i guess i was happy.

people ask, how are you? i'm okay, i say after a pause, not reflexively. my professor says he's sure i am well, and i smile.

i'm okay. i began the year okay, and am ending the year okay. i'm happy, and life is good even if it's not ideal. i'm going to hawaii and going ziplining even though i my own lungs suffocate me when i'm high up. look, it will all be okay. the world loses its color, but gains some back.

the world does not end.

i'm sure i will go to bed melancholic. i will watch television until my eyelids grow heavy, and i'll reach over to lock my ipad and pray that i will fall asleep. i might wake up melancholic, probably from a dream that will seem childish in a few months time. but i have to wake early tomorrow, and have things to do and people to meet, so i will be okay.

non-daily song rec: 郭頂 - 水星记

[eloquated]

modern Kili & Elladan, @murkhith

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:02:34 PM

"Alright.. something beautiful... Beautiful..."  The university grounds weren't exactly Elladan's idea of ethereally lovely.  Oh sure they were nice, manicured and well maintained-- but ethereal?  Not so much.  Not to mention, Professor Kerrigan wasn't going to take "Oh, I didn't know the definition of the word, sorry!" as an excuse for a poor photo.

Which was precisely how Elladan had found himself in the woods at the edge of town, his camera bag at his side, as the late afternoon sunlight glowed through the dappled leaves.  Surely there had to be something ethereal out there!

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:06:52 PM

"Of all the fucking words to pick as a topic..." Kili grumbled as he stumbled over the slippery rocks, sheltering his eyes from the sun. He had agreed to take the class because he enjoyed photography, but it also gave him some extra points he needed.

But ethereal?

While stuck thinking about the topic, Fili had reminded him of the nearby forest and the small pond that laid in the middle of it so here he was, waving away mosquitos in hopes of finding something that stood out.

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:10:46 PM

Ethereal, talk about a loaded word!  It brought to mind fantasy, and diaphanous veils, and gauzy, soft lighting.  Nothing that he had readily on hand!  "That's the point though... It's meant to be a challenge.  Think outside the box."  Which didn't make it any easier!

And ethereal definitely didn't come with a side of blood sucking flies!  For the dozenth time, Elladan scratched the back of his neck, trying to swat away the mosquitoes that kept buzzing around his ears.  "Right.. Ethereal can wait a minute."  He said to himself and shucked down his bag.  Snapping the elastic from his wrist, Elladan reached back to start braiding his long, black hair.  Anything to give the mosquitoes less place to hide!

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:14:05 PM

He had reached for his camera without any conscious thought. Finding someone else in the forest wasn't that big of a surprise, but the way the man stood tall and elegant, his eyes half lidded and long fingers slipping through that dark hair while the sun filtered through the green leaves certainly was.

Kili found himself enchanted and he lifted the camera, focused on the right angle and took the picture. The sound of the shutter was loud in the silence and the other froze, his mind screeching halt in panic.

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:16:36 PM

The woods were always filled with sound-- after all, it wasn't that far from the main city, even though it felt more secluded.  But the quick snap-whir of a camera was definitely not a part of the usual birdsong and distant traffic!

Starting with surprise, Elladan looked around, his hands falling to his sides warily.  "Hello?"  He asked after a pause, feeling a bit stupid.  What if nobody was there?

Well, then there would be nobody to hear him!  It was fine.  Totally fine.

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:19:11 PM

Back pressed against the tree, Kili counted to five before sneaking away as quick and quiet as he could. His heart was hammering in his chest as he ran through the forest, yet he couldn't help but grin in victory. This was exactly the kind of picture he had been searching for. He didn't know who the man had been, but he thanked them in his mind.

Surely his professor and others could appreciate the picture when it came the time to showcase them. 

Yet he couldn't shake off the feeling of familiarity, as if he had seen them somewhere before.

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:23:14 PM

Elladan listened closely, holding his breath and ignoring the rapid thump of his heart.  For a few long moments there was... Birds.  Distant traffic.  The rustle of something in the underbrush.  "And I'm an idiot."  He told himself with a huff of relieved amusement, "Good job, you're three blocks from a mall, and you still managed to freak yourself out.  Elrohir is never going to let you live this one down!"

Clearly there wasn't going to be any inspiration here today!  And after a little more wandering, and a few shots that were possibly half decent (if not amazing)  Elladan packed away his things and started back towards his apartment.  Maybe if he put a good spin on one of his pictures it would be enough to pass muster!

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:27:03 PM

There were quite the few pictures of nature shown in the class the following week. Some of them were amazing, like a shot of two birds in middle of their mating dance and then there were couple of really horrible ones where the students clearly hadn't made any effort.

But no one had taken a picture of another human.

So when his chosen photo was blown out on the large screen, Kili felt nervous but he couldn't help but admire the picture once again. There truly was something special about it. It almost seemed like this person had walked right out of a fantasy movie.

It took him a while to realise the giggles and whispers of his classmates, and once he turned to see what the fuss was all about he spotted the very person from his image sitting in the class.

And at that moment Kili hoped the floor would open up and swallow him whole as his face heat up and turned a remarkable shade of red and his mouth fell open.

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:31:52 PM

Tree.  Tree.  Bird.  Water.  Tree.  Flower.  Elladan watched his own picture slide through somewhere in the middle of the collection-- neither amazing, nor terrible, and ultimately pretty forgettable.  

He was only half paying attention to the images (you could only see so many half composed images of leaves before they all started to look the same!) when he suddenly found himself facing himself.  Blown up twice lifesize and -- the forest! That day in the forest, there had been someone else!

Elladan's grey eyes widened comically, and he could feel his face burning-- oh, it was one thing to put himself on film looking silly, but this? This was... "Oh fuck."  He said under his breath, looking around the class to see who could have, would have, taken that picture?!

It wasn't hard.  Just follow the laughing, and the stares.

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:34:50 PM

Kili's face was buried in his hands, and he struggled between running away or having a full-blown panic attack. He wasn't an easy person to get flustered as he usually was always ready with comebacks but this was a situation from his worst nightmares and there was no way of waking up.

He could feel the piercing stare on the back of his head, and he reluctantly turned to meet the eyes of the person he had secretly photographed.

"... Not my fault you looked like some kind of elf back there."

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:39:25 PM

Elladan blinked at the comment, caught entirely wrongfooted!  He wasn't sure if he was upset about the whole thing-- maybe the other man shouldn't have just snapped his photo and ran, but was it actually offensive?  That was a question he was going to have to ask himself when the sheer, blindsided surprise had worn off!

The classroom was dark, only illuminated by the projected images still sliding by-- tree, tree, bird, tree-- and Elladan could only make out dark hair and the glint off the guy's glasses.  

Elladan huffed a startled laugh, and tried to flash the guy a face-saving smile, "I guess I'd rather be an elf than an orc?"

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:42:52 PM

Oh thank god, the guy wasn't ready to tear his face off yet.

Kili's shoulders sagged with relief and he chuckled quietly, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "I thought you looked familiar but I didn't think we were sharing a class."

The teacher hushed them with a stern stare, so Kili ripped out a page of the notebook and wrote on it instead.

"seriously though, I'm sorry. Promise I'm not a creep."

He then folded it and once the teacher turned around to fiddle with the machine, he threw it by the guy's feet.

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:47:56 PM

Elladan caught the flash of paper as it sailed through the air, and stretched out his foot to catch it under his sneaker before it slid off the edge of the row.  Usually photography was one of his favourite classes, but today the clock couldn't seem to hurry by fast enough!

Unfolding the note, he tried to check a smile at the scribbled apology-- and maybe he should be pissed, but.. He wasn't.  And it didn't seem worth the effort to pretend he was.  

For the rest of the class, Elladan pretended to watch the slides, when really he was watching the clock, the door, the back the guy's head, the clock, the door.. And back to the beginning again, restlessly tapping his fingers on the edge of the note.

When at last the bell chimed, Elladan bolted out of his seat.  Instead of walking around, he slid sideways between the two seats ahead of him, and the two ahead of that, until he could lightly tap the mystery photographer's shoulder.

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:51:12 PM

Kili would forever deny the high-pitched squeak that left his lips as soon as he felt the tap on his shoulder, his eyes wide as he spun around to meet the guy he had photographed. His plan to run out of the class as soon as the bell rang had failed, and now he had to face the responsibility of his action.

And up close, the man was even more attractive than he had thought. Clearly, the settings of the forest only enhanced the man's natural beauty and wow, wasn't that a weird thought. 

Nervously fixing the position of his glasses, Kili offered the guy a slight smile. "Is this the moment you punch me for acting like a creep?"

eloquated4/18/2020, 3:55:43 PM

It was almost blinding when the lights came back up, and Elladan had to blink for a second to clear the white flashes that floated in front of his eyes.  When they did?  Oh... 

The dark hadn't done his mystery photographer any favours.

"I... Nope."  He swallowed, feeling properly gobsmacked for the second time in less than an hour.  Elladan didn't usually go around looking for cute men, but the glasses, and those dark curls, and that half smile did something to his stomach that could only be described (in the most humiliating terms) as fluttery.

"No, no!"  He added in a rush, giving himself a shake, "No, I'm not going to punch you. Why would I do that?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he could see exactly why he might be afraid of that.  How many homophobic meatheads went to their school?  "I promise, I'm not."

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 3:59:14 PM

"That's a relief," Kili laughed relieved, starting to pack up his things in the blue bag. "I mean if I were in your position, I'd be confused as well but I promise that's the only photo I took of you."

He grinned, slinging the bag over his shoulder. Now that he was sure he wasn't getting punched or yelled at, he was slowly recovering to his usual humor. 

"I guess in a way, I should be thanking you. You made my assignment really fucking easy."

eloquated4/18/2020, 4:04:03 PM

The problem with being pale as Hell was that you blushed.  Like mad.  And it was immediately and obviously visible to anything in a thousand foot radius.  Like right now, and he could feel the heat creeping up his cheeks, making him even more aware of it.

"I thought I heard someone, but I figured it was some creepy stalker or serial killer."  He admitted, drumming his fingers on the strap of his bag.  With a bit of careful sidestepping, Elladan ducked into the aisle so he wasn't trapping the photographer on the row.

"You're welcome, I guess?  I didn't really get a good look-"  Well, shock would do that!  "- But I couldnt' see where you edited it to make it too like that."  Elladan pitched his voice quiet for that, since it was, technically speaking, against the assignment.  But it had to be edited, because he knew his face.  And Elladan knew he didn't look... well, ethereal.  Not like that.

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 4:07:28 PM

"I didn't edit it!" Kili chuckled with a shake of his head, carefully stepping around the man as he made space and motioned for him to leave the class together. It was endearing to see their skin turn pink so fast, and he couldn't help but playfully jab at the other a bit.

"Don't tell me you've been unaware of how attractive and almost magical you look? I'm sure the girls of our school wishes they had your looks."

eloquated4/18/2020, 4:10:53 PM

"Now you're just taking the mick!  I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be the one giving you a hard time!"  Elladan fixed his bag on his shoulder and fell into step beside him as they headed up the stairs and out of the lecture hall.  Most of their classmates seemed to be lingering behind, and he could feel their curious, appraising gazes as they left class together.

Well, that was going to be tomorrow's gossip!

"But sorry, nope!  I think you need to see an optometrist, cause there's definitely something wrong with your prescription."  And it wasn't that people hadn't commented, but that was just the nicknamed, faceless commenters on his videos. And always in relation to his twin, which didn't count!

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 4:13:49 PM

"I mean... You can try to give me a hard time," he teased with a grin, pushing his hands in his pockets. It was almost weird how natural teasing this guy was, but he wholeheartedly enjoyed it. 

"My bad, you might be right though," Kili replied thoughtfully, making a show of stopping and pulling his glasses off, then cleaning them on his shirt before placing them back on his nose.

Then he gasped, placing a hand on his chest.

"My god, it's an angel!"

eloquated4/18/2020, 4:16:43 PM

"Is it too late to reconsider punching you?!"  It was the least intimidating threat, considering Elladan burst into laughter halfway through.  "I don't even know your name, and already you're creeping on me, and making fun of me after.  Great first impression!"

Flashing him a million megawatt grin, Elladan couldn't help but try and sneak a proper look at the face behind the glasses-- something he regretted as soon as his stomach did that swooping thing again.  "So, can I get your name, or should I just call you Not-A-Creep?"

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 4:20:09 PM

The sound of his laughter made Kili's chest tighten, and he realised with a shock he was crushing and crushing hard on someone he just met! Fucking christ, Fili could never find out.

"It's Killian, but I prefer to go by Kili," he laughed with a shrug of his shoulders. "Also if you're going to punch me, let me take my glasses off first. They were expensive."

Once again he removed the glassed and pulled out the container for them from the side pocket of his bag. "I only need them for reading anyway," he added, snapping the lid close before turning his attention back to the guy, brown eyes peering at him curiously. "What about your name?"

eloquated4/18/2020, 4:24:13 PM

Kili... Elladan was pretty sure that actually having a name for his mystery photographer was a bad thing.  It was personal.  It was the equivalent of admitting that he wanted to get to know the person behind that disarming smile.

God, he was a so screwed.

SO screwed.

"Promise, I'll give you at least a few seconds warning before I clock you."  He made a show of tracing the tip of his finger over his heart, trying to keep something like a straight face.  It wasn't working!  

"Me? Elladan.  It'd say it's nice to meet you, but... Ok, it actually is.  Weird, but good."

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 4:28:24 PM

"Definitely not your typical first meeting," Kili snickered. "I'm really fucking embarrassed about it though. Like when I realised you were in the same class I hoped the floor would swallow me," he admitted laughing, fingers running through his hair and catching on the small tangles.

Around them the students were filing out, some lucky ones could head out while some still had a class to take. Sometimes he regretted taking the metalwork class, but he wanted to be useful for his brother so he had to be stuck welding metal every other afternoon.

"You already free for the day?"

eloquated4/18/2020, 4:34:24 PM

"You and me both!  I was half asleep at the back of the class when suddenly- bam!  My own face ten feet tall!"  Elladan rubbed the back of his neck, unconsciously mirroring Kili's nervous gesture from earlier.

"Ah, nope, not yet.  I have a bit of time to grab lunch, then I've got Intro to Horror Theory until four."  He teasingly pulled a look of terror, one hand clasped over his mouth, wide eyes and all.  "What about you?  Are you heading off campus, or to class, or...?"

Or can I find an excuse to talk to you again?  Because right now I can't think of one, and I really want to.

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 4:38:28 PM

"I wish, but I have to go to the metalwork in like fourty minutes," Kili groaned dramatically, throwing his head back. "Because naturally I love to spend my afternoon sweaty and dirty from the ash and metal instead of going out or playing a game."

He chuckled and straightened up again, shifting weight from one leg to another as he avoided Elladan's gaze. "So... Do you maybe wanna grab lunch together? I was hoping to eat anyway."

eloquated4/18/2020, 4:43:19 PM

"Metalwork?  Really?"  Not that he knew anything about Kili, apart from the fact that he had an eye for photography and a smile that was really really distracting.  But he didn't seem like the metalworking kind!

At least, he didn't look like one of the muscle bound meatheads Elladan had met from the class.

"Yeah...  Yeah, I'd like that.  I mean--"  Elladan's grey eyes flicked up to the ceiling and his smile had just begun to soften, all boyish and nervous, when he heard a piercing catcall from the end of the corridor.

With a start, he looked down the small cluster of their classmates loitering around the intersection.  "Guess we know how Turner got that photo!  Got your boyfriend to pose for it, didja?"

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 4:50:25 PM

The good mood vanished like a snap of a finger, and Kili grit his teeth together as he heard the calls and laughs. Now on the outside, he knew he didn't look like much. Firm muscles without the bulk, the glasses, the nervous stutter whenever he had to present in front of the class.

But personality wise, he was a hothead who ended up in quite some troubles now and then, for his mouth worked faster than his head.

And he was already spewing out words without a second thought.

"Brent, for once in your life shut your fucking mouth. You're just jealous your butterfly picture got a F. We all saw that disaster."

eloquated4/18/2020, 4:57:58 PM

Despite what Kili had said about him (and he was pretty sure that was all in defense of his decision to use him as the subject of his photograph) Elladan didn't see much when he looked in the mirror. He was too thin, almost femme with his long hair (which he liked, so people could fuck off it they had a problem with it), and it wasn't the first time a jerk had tried to take a shot at him.

Usually Elladan was quick with a reply.  But apparently not as quick as Kili!

Elladan watched as Brent spluttered in a growing rage, his hands balling and relaxing at his sides.  "Just ignore him.  He's just jealous that you didn't use him for your subject."  He said just loudly enough to be heard over the purple-faced snorting at the end of the hall.

With a brightening half smile, he tilted his head in the other direction, "Lunch?  I'm starving."

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 5:02:40 PM

"Don't worry, I know exactly who to go to if the next topic is 'brainless'," Kili chuckled as well, and resisted the urge to take Elladan's hand in his own. Where the hell had that urge even come from? For all he knew, Elladan was straight as a razor and he was once again crushing on someone he had no chances with.

Yet he couldn't help but smile in return as he nodded and followed Elladan and left the snickering people behind them. He didn't care what others thought of him but his urge to protect others was strong.

"Man, what a bunch of dicks," he groaned once they were out of the hearing distance. "Fucking hate people like him and unfortunately, there's quite a few at our school."

eloquated4/18/2020, 5:08:38 PM

"Don't let them get to you, it's not worth it.  I can count to their combined IQ on one hand."  He could still hear the sounds of spluttering bully as they turned the corner, and Elladan wished he could ignore the bright, happy little thought that Kili had defended... Alright, himself.  

Probably just himself.  Elladan was just collateral benefit.

Crushing on straight guys was begging for trouble.  And he had enough on his plate without alienating someone who could be a friend.

"They'll give us a hard time until they find something else.  The next time someone waves something shiny at them, they'll forget.  Talk about orcs..."

Mikilieth4/18/2020, 5:11:55 PM

"You sound like my brother," Kili laughed. "He used to tell me the same thing every time I came home bruised because people like them thought they could bully people they thought were weaker."

He opened the large glass doors to the campus yard, and scouted for a place where they could eat in relative peace but would also make it to their classes once the time came.

"He used to say I had a hero complex but honestly, I'm just a hothead who doesn't like assholes like that."

eloquated4/18/2020, 5:18:20 PM

"Clearly he and I are the smart brothers, then-- because I've had to tell mine that over and over again!  I don't like bullies, either.  But I liked us coming home in shades of purple and green even less."  Because there had never been a question of where Elladan would be if Elrohir mouthed off to the idiots.  He'd be right there beside him, often down in the dirt!

Shifting his bag higher on his shoulder, Elladan pointed to the far side of the yard, where a few pretty girls, probably in the same sorority from the look of it, were just leaving, "Over there?  It's kind of busy, but I don't mind sitting on the grass if you don't."

Elladan paused a beat, his gaze just happening to avoid Kili's, "You don't make a bad hero, but I'd rather not see you purple and green, either."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 2:51:44 AM

The words brought a new layer of blush over Kili's skin, and he scratched his stubble with a sheepish smile. "I suppose I could try to avoid any unnecessary confrontation," he mumbled as he plopped himself down on the grass, opening the zipper of his bag.

He rummaged for a moment before pulling out a small box and a bottle of soda. Cracking it open, Kili tipped his head back and took couple of large swallows, releasing a breath of relief. "Didn't realise how parched I was."

eloquated4/19/2020, 8:17:09 AM

"Or at least pick your battles?  Someone like Brent isn't worth it, he's too dum to understand why you're fighting him.  In fact, I'm not sure he'd understand the word 'principle', even if you beat him with the dictionary!"  

That smile of Kili's was going to be the death of him, Brent and his other meatheaded goons weren't going to have to lift a finger.

The grass was dry and a little prickly as Elladan dropped down beside Kili, his face turned up to the bright sunlight for a long, rejuvenating moment.  Eyes closed, he exhaled long and slow, just trying to shake off the cobwebs from sitting in the lecture hall for more than an hour, watch the endless slides of half composed, dubiously executed, photos. 

"I think it's something about the photography hall,"  He agreed after a minute, fishing a water bottle from his bag, "It's always super dry in there. Maybe Professor Kerrigan is trying to turn us into one of those mummies he likes so much?"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 8:22:13 AM

"Might be," Kili said thoughtfully, starting to unwrap his meal which consisted of couple of breads and a single cookie. "He claims it's the best kind of air to keep old photographs in but I'm sure he's just trying to dry us all up."

He rested his weight against one of his hand and started to eat with the other. It was a beautiful day, and in a way he hoped they weren't at the school grounds for the sound of other students broke through the illusion that he was spending time alone with Elladan.

He really should be slowing down. He was falling too fast.

"So you have a brother too?"

eloquated4/19/2020, 8:31:20 AM

"Well, as long as we get through the unit on tintyping and developing before he mummifies us.  I don't even care how intensely geeky that sounds!  Apparently he's one of the best in the world, and I don't know anything about it, other than it looks cool."

Opening the container from his bag, Elladan gave the slightly worse the wear collection of sheet pasta and vegetables a cursory poke with the end the fork that had been tucked into the lid.  "Yeah, just the one, and a sister."  He sat up crosslegged and grinned down at Kili, blowing a few strands of back hair out of his face from where they'd escaped the plait down his back.  "He's the one that made this... moussaka thing.  We're both trying to cook more, but it's definitely not our strong suit!  Do you just have the one brother, or..?"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 8:35:23 AM

Kili couldn't stop himself from making a face at the sight of the food, instantly back pedalling with an apology. "Yeah sorry, that doesn't look very appetising," he agreed taking a bite of the bread. "But I'm sure you'll learn, especially if you keep practicing," he added quickly, waving his hand around in before settling with a smile. 

"I have an older brother yeah. Most of the time we're both too busy to properly cook, so most of the time my lunch consists of bread or something equally simple."

eloquated4/19/2020, 8:46:49 AM

"It tastes better than it looks, I promise!"  But he still pulled a teasingly mock-disgusted face as he lifted a bit of formerly roasted vegetable... eggplant?  And popped it into his mouth.  Elladan scrunched his nose, trying not to laugh with his mouth full.

"Ok, needs some work.  But it's food, so I'm not going to be too picky!  At least until the caf is up and running again."

It was the sort of beautiful spring day that made him feel more alive, like he could breathe after a winter stuck inside.  And the company?  Even better.  Much better... God, he was cute...

"That sounds like mine and me, you guys live together?  Elrohir and I got an apartment off campus this year."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 8:49:46 AM

"Same!" Kili laughed, flashing Elladan a bright smile. "Well, we did that almost two years ago since Fili is older than me and have already graduated," he continued humming, finishing the bread with a quick lick of his finger.

"It's nothing big, but it beats living in the dorms."

eloquated4/19/2020, 8:55:48 AMEdited 4/19/2020, 8:56:18 AM

"I'm pretty sure anything was better than living in the dorms!  Our first year we shared with two other guys-- which is basically like living in a petri dish!"  Elladan grinned and feigned a shudder, "We moved out halfway through our second year; it was either that, or become devotees of the God of Mold and Seriously Disgusting Socks."

They didn't have a long time, but Elladan found himself loathe to leave, mentally filing away the little bits and pieces he was learning about his new... friend?  Friend.  

"So he's not just the protective brother, but the older one as well?  'Ro likes to play big brother sometimes, but it doesn't work very well!"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 8:59:33 AM

"Hah, you're the older one then?" Kili asked curiously, closing the lid of his now empty lunchbox and placing it back in his bag. Technically he should be leaving already, but if he ran to the class he could afford a couple of more minutes with Elladan.

Their next class together was in two days which sucked, but he couldn't just ask for a number right now. That would definitely give off more creepy vibes and he didn't want to scare Elladan away.

eloquated4/19/2020, 9:02:26 AM

Tucking his own lunch remains away (and making a note that that recipe could just stay far away from their usual rotation, favourite of their father or not!)  Elladan stretched out on the grass, one arm thrown across his face in lieu of sunglasses.

"No, he's older, technically.  But we're twins, so he's only older by a few minutes.  You're lucky he decided not to take Photography this year, otherwise he'd have been there today, too!"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 9:06:42 AM

"You've got a twin?" Kili asked surprised, his eyes widening a bit. There were two of these gorgeous people? Oh no, no no God had to have something against him if that was the case. How could he handle /two/ of them together?

Well, now he was just getting ahead of himself. Most likely, he wouldn't even meet the other twin.

"Thank god for the small mercies then," he chuckled and swallowed, regretfully getting up from the grass. "I quite literally have to run but uh... I'll see you in class then?"

eloquated4/19/2020, 9:15:56 AM

It was nice to talk to someone who didn't immediately make the connection between he and Elrohir; as much as he and his twin were deeply attached, they certainly weren't interchangeable!  "Yeah, I'm sure you'll-- Oh shit, you're right, we do."

With a blink, Elladan glanced over at the large clock at the end of the yard, and began tossing his own things haphazardly into his bag, "In class, definitely.  I'll--"  There was no time to ask for his number, and even if there was, Elladan had no idea how to ask.  So instead, he shouldered his bag, and reluctantly rose to his feet. "See you on Friday."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 9:22:51 AM

"I'm looking forward to it," Kili grinned, giving a small wave of his hand before dashing towards the lecture building.

Naturally, he didn't get Elladan out of his head over the next day. He had hoped they'd bump in the hallways but it seemed like their other lessons always crossed the other which soured Kili's mood very quickly. His brother was quick to pick up the change in him and he teased Kili about a crush, which Kili vehemently denied even if his red cheeks gave it away.

At the night, he laid on his bed staring at the photo he had taken. How could he fall for someone so quickly? He barely knew the guy, this could only end in hurt.

eloquated4/19/2020, 9:36:33 AM

There was never a shortage of things to do.  Elladan had school work, and video editing, and the loose 'schedule' of filming he kept up with his brother. But his mind just wasn't in it!  On campus he found himself looking around, watching the crowds a bit too closely for a mop of dark curls.

By Thursday night, Elladan was starting to suspect that Kili had been some figment of his imagination!  A wonderful, but imaginary encounter.  Because how else could someone drop into his life, shake it up so thoroughly, and then vanish back into the ether?!

Unaware that Kili was also getting the teasing of a lifetime from his brother, Elladan wondered how he was doing. He turned their brief meeting over and over in his head, until it started to feel more than a little ridiculous!  Crushes at first sight didn't exist... right?

Friday morning came with a thundering deluge and an 8am class.  Not to mention one broken umbrella, turned inside out by the wind, and the damp seeping through his jacket.  Elladan shrugged it off as he arrived in the lecture hall, and set his coffee (extra large, it was already aiming to be a day) on the edge of his desk.

Anatomy, Portraits, and Human Composition said the board in their professor's bold, block hand.

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 9:41:00 AM

The morning had not started how he had imagined. First he had woken up late, then burnt his breakfast and to top it all off it started pouring rain while he was riding the bicycle to school which ended up in him being completely drenched.

He ended up stumbling into the class half a hour late, his curls wilder than before and drops of water sticking on his skin and glasses. He briefly apologised before shrugging off the wet hoodie with a shudder, thanking God that at least his shirt underneath had remained relatively dry.

His jeans felt extremely uncomfortable though, the fabric sticking to his skin as he flopped on his desk and immediately tipped his head back so he could flash Elladan a tired grin.

eloquated4/19/2020, 9:44:37 AM

The class had already started when Kili had washed in, looking about as happy as the situation as Elladan felt!  Most of the class seemed to be in variations of the same mood, damp and tired, and thoroughly unimpressed by being out of bed at that hour, and in that weather.

Elladan was sitting in his usual spot, about three quarters of the way back and on the left side-- and today there were no available spots near him.  More frustrating!  So he flashed Kili a mirrored grin, and a shared look of long suffering.  And just when he'd been thinking that it wasn't worth it to get out of bed... That smile changed his mind.

So he did exist, after all!

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 9:47:24 AM

Their professor didn't seem to care that the entire class was suffering as he explained the assignment with a drony voice that almost made Kili drift right back to sleep. He only became alert when they were told to pair up and practice portraits and whatnot, and his stomach swooped as he glanced back at Elladan and lifted an eyebrow in question.

eloquated4/19/2020, 9:51:44 AM

"Alright, class, split into pairs... For Monday, I want six photos from each of you, demonstrating use of people in your composition.  You can utilize the whole person, a focus on particular parts-"  He waited impassively for the tired wash of giggles to fade before adding, "Or any combination of the two."

Elladan leaned back in his seat, instinctively seeking out Kili in the hall (and he shouldn't.  He really shouldn't.  Crushing on straight boys was a bad bad idea, and he should really nip this before it became a problem!).  

He still nodded quickly at the silent question, unable to stop the nervous-happy-oh-my-god butterflies, or his own smile.  Wordlessly he flashed Kili a thumb's up, and motioned towards the door.  Talk after class?

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 9:57:25 AM

Kili flashed him a smile and a nod in return and after that, the class could not end soon enough. He didn't want to risk getting caught throwing notes do he restrained himself from doing so and instead completely blocked out the professor's voice as his mind was already thinking of what kind of pictures he could take of Elladan.

The other was gorgeous, it would be an easy job as long as he could keep his head straight.

Hah.

He was one of the first ones out of class as soon as the bell rung and he waited outside the hall, leaning against the wall as he watched people pour out. Someone asked if he was waiting for his boyfriend and he merely flipped them off.

eloquated4/19/2020, 10:05:08 AM

Five minutes before the end of class, Elladan was more than ready to go.  Unfortunately, the person blocking him into the row had other ideas.  Impatiently he drummed his fingers on the strap of his bag as Felicity and Amber giggled and chatted, obliviously unaware that they were holding up everyone else.

When he was finally free (free!) he jogged up the stairs, his bag tucked behind him, and escaped into the corridor.  "Hey!"  He beamed, forgetting to check his enthusiasm, "I was starting to think you weren't coming in today."  His words were interrupted by a peal of deafening thunder, "... Or that you couldn't find a place on the ark."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 10:11:46 AM

Kili instantly brightened at the sight of Elladan, and it was the excited tone on the other's voice that made his stomach do that stupid flip again. It wasn't like Elladan had spent the last two days thinking of him like some lovesick teenager, right?

"I must admit that the urge to remain in bed today was strong," Kili groaned motioning to his still wet clothes. "But I didn't want to miss-" he cut himself off just in time and cleared his throat, avoiding Elladan's eyes as he felt his skin heat up despite the cold. 

"... The class. Didn't want to miss the class. ¥

eloquated4/19/2020, 10:13:04 AMEdited 4/19/2020, 10:15:05 AM

"Me either.."  Well, he hadn't wanted to miss the chance to see Kili again.  Elladan knew he should be more worried about his academics, but really?  The other man just made his mind blank.  "You're still soaked though."  

In commiseration, Elladan held up his damp hoodie and pulled a face, feeling the wet weight of it.  "But..."

Bad idea.  BAD IDEA.  

"I don't live far from here?  I mean, unless you have class later, right?  I thought we could work on this project--"  Well, it was as convenient an excuse as anything!  And he definitely wasn't blushing.. nope...  "-- And dry off?  I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend the rest of the day in wet jeans.  Gross."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 10:19:53 AM

He definitely had a class later, but surely he could live with missing one class of math? He could always catch up later when he was back at home because right now he felt like there was no force enough to stop him from joining Elladan.

"I mean if it's alright?" He asked just to make sure, fidgeting on his feet. "Any longer and I'm afraid people are gonna see whether I've lied about the inches or not," he joked making a vague gesture towards his crotch before snickering. "Sorry, that was inappropriate."

eloquated4/19/2020, 10:23:13 AM

It was definitely not what Elladan had expected him to say, and the laugh felt surprised right out of him!  "Yeah, it's alright.  Lets go... before you give the student body anything else to gossip about!"

It had taken all of fifteen minutes for people to start speculating about them after the very public photo incident, after all!  "I guess us working on this project isn't actually going to help the stories, though.  I've heard some pretty creative ones already!  I'm pretty sure some of our classmates should be writing for Playboy, they've got the imagination for it."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 10:25:17 AM

"Oh I've heard some too!" Kili laughed relieved that his joke hadn't upset Elladan. Seriously, sometimes his quick mouth got him into so much trouble.

"How about we share our favourite while we go?"

eloquated4/19/2020, 10:28:07 AM

"Why not?  Come on, it's just this way."  It was going to be a wet walk, but they were already damp, and at least they could get dry on the other end!  Zipping his sweater up under his chin, Elladan tucked his long braid down the back, and tugged up his hood, just trying to keep the worst of the rain off.

"Obviously, of course, we've been seeing each other in secret."  He teased, ticking off the first rumour on his slender fingers, "I heard one that it's been going on since middle school-- I'm not sure how they got that, since Ro and I didn't even move here until we started university!"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 10:33:39 AM

"Oh yeah, I would definitely remember you if we were in the same middle school," Kili countered with a chuckle, only to realise what his words might mean and he skipped over a puddle so he didn't have to meet Elladan's eyes.

"I think one of my favourites is that I was tutoring you and you fell madly in love with me," he said dramatically, placing a hand on his heart.

eloquated4/19/2020, 10:37:10 AM

Truth be told, Elladan didn't mind the rumours.  Oh, they made him a little fluttery sometimes, and there was an increasingly loud voice that wished they were true-- but they weren't upsetting at all. Just.. wishful.

"I hadn't heard that one!"  He exclaimed, innocently missing the comment about their younger years.  He held open the door as they stepped outside, and the rain immediately flooded over them, cold and soaking in seconds.  "Fuck!  I think we need a rowboat!"

"So you won me over with your scintillating intellect, huh?  And how long did it take you to realize I was totally hot for teacher?"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 10:44:12 AM

"wait, what?" Kili burst out laughing, a shiver running down his spine as soon as the cold water washed over him. Well, at least he was stuck in the rain with Elladan.

It took him a moment to realise Elladan wasn't speaking of an actual teacher, but the him in the fantasy.

"Oh apparently it took me a long while because I was very dense," he snickered.

eloquated4/19/2020, 10:49:17 AM

Kili's laugh was the most infectious thing, and Elladan couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so easily, or so much.  The adrenaline was bright in his veins, making his heart beat quicker, and chasing off a little of the windy, wet cold.

"Maybe I was just very good at hiding it!  Did you hear the one about us sneaking off to do unspeakable things in the dark room?"  He teased back, "Neither of us is very big, but that still seems ambitious!  There's no room in there, and I can think of half a dozen developing chemicals I wouldn't want anywhere near that part of my body."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 10:51:22 AM

"Oh god, the smells alone would be enough to make us either faint or fail to get it up, very romantic," he laughed stepping straight into a puddle, which made him jump ahead with one leg as he cursed loudly over his completely soaked sneaker and socks.

"Fucking hell! Is this the God's wrath on us poor gay people?!"

eloquated4/19/2020, 10:56:07 AM

"Screwing in a fog of acetic acid and amidol, very sexy!"  

Elladan jumped back to avoid the worst of the splash as Kili misjudged one of the deep potholes that pitted the parking lot, the sluice of muddy grey water soaking through his already wet shoes and up his pant leg.  For half a second he just laughed, long suffering and, "Gross, now we definitely need to get back to my place!"

Wait.  Gay?  Elladan ran the blurted comment back through his mind, heart skittering over because oh.  OH.  Not straight.  That... That changed things.

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 10:58:38 AM

"Oh that's disgusting, I really liked these jeans," Kili mourned as he shook his leg in a futile effort of shaking the water and mud off. Naturally, it did not work. Unaware of his accidental confession and the thoughts running through Elladan's head, he let out a long suffering sigh.

"you're quite literally the Knight in shining armor right now. Otherwise I might just end up sitting on the puddle crying."

eloquated4/19/2020, 11:01:22 AM

"It's alright, we'll throw them into the wash when we get to my place, you can borrow something until then.  I'm not going to make you sit around in whatever was in that puddle!"  Elladan's cheeky grin softened a little, and he bumped Kili's shoulder with his own, closing the space between them for the first time.

It was such a small thing.  Silly, really.  But it sent a quick, warm jolt right up his arm.  

"You just have to put up with it until we get there.  And hey, it's not like we can get any wetter!"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 11:04:36 AM

"No no no haven't you seen the movies! Never, ever say that cursed sentence," Kili protested laughing,and for a brief moment he hoped he could have felt Elladan's skin against his own instead of the fabric which alright, a thought he had to diminish quick before he ended up in a very embarrassing situation.

"How can I ever repay you? You're too kind to me."

eloquated4/19/2020, 11:07:48 AM

"You're the self proclaimed hero here, not me!  I'm just trying to keep a friend from drowning."  Elladan ducked his head and tugged the hood of his sweater a little more securely over his head, trying to hide a flush that he hoped would be blamed on the wind.

Gay.  But that didn't mean he liked him.  Or that he was even out.  Which ultimately gave Elladan just enough hopeful rope to potentially hang himself!

"And of course I've heard that curse sentence!  I'm studying film making, my knowledge of bad tropes of unparalleled.  But I laugh in the face of doom, ha-ha-ha!"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 11:10:16 AM

"Don't you go quoting Lion King to me," Kili shot back immediately, feeling the butterflies flutter in his stomach once again. Could Elladan get any more attractive? It just wasn't fair, how were the mere mortals supposed to compare to him?

"Film making huh, how'd you end up there?"

eloquated4/19/2020, 11:20:21 AM

Like most geek artistic types, Elladan perked up enthusiastically at the mention of his major.  "I started as an English major, actually!  I want to write, and I want to tell stories.  But in my first year I ended up taking some media studies classes, and I realized that I want to direct my own stories, not just wait for someone else to."

And it helped with his channel, but Elladan wasn't about to offer that up!  Not when he was enjoying keeping it separate.  Something private, untouched by the algorithm!

"What about you?  I know you take photography and shop, but what're you going to do with it?"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 11:23:23 AM

"I take shop to help my brother," Kili smiled, wiping the water from his face. "He fixes motorbikes on his free time, so I thought I'd figure out a way to help him since he lets me live with him," he explained, removing his glasses with a small sigh.

No use to wear them since he couldn't see anyway.

"As for photography, I'm just a huge geek of everything related to games and movies, and I'm hoping to maybe develop my own website one day. “

eloquated4/19/2020, 11:29:06 AM

"I think that means you win the Good Brother olympics."  He pointed out, leading the way across the busy intersection when the light changed.  "I don't think you'd ever catch me or Ro in a mechanics workshop, we'd be totally lost!"

But it said a lot about Kili.  And all of it good.

"That's really cool.  I know everyone is always saying we should have this big, mapped out plan, but I'm not sure what I want to do yet.  So right now we're just sharing a place, and studying stuff we like, and hoping we can find some use for it when we're done!"  He summarized his life with a boyish grin, and fished the keys from his pocket when they approached a decently well-off apartment building.

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 11:37:58 AM

"Yeah I know what you mean," Kili replied, trying to squeeze most of the water out of his clothes so he wouldn't soak the entire house. "I don't know if I want to do websites my entire life, I mean it'd be really cool to develop own games too," he continued. "I have a very active imagination, or so I've been told."

eloquated4/19/2020, 11:42:46 AM

"We should probably put our active imaginations to work on this anatomy photography project!"  The inside of the building was dry and clean; not fancy, but scrubbed and in good repair.  "We're just up on the eight floor." He added, already shrugging off his drenched sweater as they ducked into the elevator.

"Ugh, everything is sticking.  Gross."  He added, plucking at his jeans, and the tshirt he'd had underneath, already plastered wetly to his body.  Under the thick hoodie he was very thin, jeans hitched on sharp hip bones and a flash of pale stomach visible when he tried to pull his shirt off his skin.  

"I've got to figure out six compositions to really do justice to you."

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 11:46:06 AM

The words he wanted to say got stuck in his throat as soon as he saw just how slim and beautiful Elladan's body looked like, as the shirt showed absolutely /everything/. His gaze trailed the path of a stray drop of water and he was forced to tear his gaze away, his next words stuttering a bit.

"Ah I'm sure you can just throw me on a chair and take six photos there, I'm not very photogenic," he laughed ashamed. "I'm more comfortable behind the camera."

eloquated4/19/2020, 11:49:41 AM

Out of respect for the other people in the building, Elladan stayed mostly to the centre of the elevator as it rose upwards, the floor humming faintly through the puddles they left underfoot.  

"Ha!"  He snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes.  If you saw yourself the way I do, you wouldn't be saying that.  You'd be awkwardly trying to find a way to complete this project without -- ahem-- God, I'm fucked.  

"I like the way you look... You've just set the bar really high, and I can't let you walk away with-"  Me?  "Ah, the better grade!"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 11:53:01 AM

"Oh so it's a competition then?" Kili asked playfully, ruffling the water from his hair. At least they weren't in the rain anymore but now he was painfully aware of his cold he felt, and how his body was beginning to shiver as it tried to create the necessary warmth.

"Is it alright for your brother that I just appear?

eloquated4/19/2020, 12:00:37 PM

"Why not?  The professor grades on a curve anyway!  And it's not like we're going to get much challenge from most of the rest of the class."  Since the grand majority of them were there thinking it was an easy grade.

Both of them were chilled through as the elevator finally reached their floor, and Elladan hitched his bag higher on his shoulder, scurrying out.  Every inch of bare arm was covered in goosebumps, and he walked a bit faster as he lead the way to the right unit.  

"Ro isn't going to care.  He's in class, and this place has separate rooms, unlike the last one.  He can just close his door and ignore us."  

The inside of the apartment was a sort of productive chaos.  Two easels with half finished projects stood by a massive window that dominated the front of the apartment, and looked down over the green space next door. It was all one room, with the tiny kitchen and living room smushed in together, and a small table that had clearly been repurposed as both storage and study.  A comfortable couch was across from the tv, and the far corner was set up as filming space, the wall decorated to give the impression of a set. A narrow staircase lead up to a loft, overlooking the living room through a sliding latticed door.  It wasn't messy, exactly; but it was clear that the people who lived here were busy.

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 12:04:17 PM

Kili looked around curiously, his lip curling up as he took in the surprisingly controlled mess. It was clear Elladan and his brother were very similar, and he wondered just what they were doing with this many equipment. Some of them seemed very expensive too!

"I like it," he chuckled as he forecully pulled his shoes off and made a face at the wet fabric. "It feels very lived in and homely."

eloquated4/19/2020, 12:09:22 PM

"Thanks!  It's a bit of a thing at the moment, but Ro's an art major, for now-"  Elladan grinned cheekily as he knelt down to do battle with his swollen, wet laces, "And he has a ton of things that had invaded the living room.  The bedrooms aren't exactly-- jesus, what did they make these laces out of?  Sponge?  Anyway, the bedrooms are pretty tiny, so he moved them out here."

With a triumphant laugh, he managed to untie his shoes and kick them off, wiggling his toes in wet socks before stripping those off, too, "I don't know about you, but I feel gross.  You can come up to my room, or I'll just toss you down something, and we can get changed before we start on the project?"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 12:12:13 PM

"I'm not shy about changing with others, but if you're more comfortable in changing alone I completely understand," Kili said smiling, wrapping his arms around himself as another shiver ran through his body.

"I don't care if I have to change in the elevator as long as I just get to change. I'm prone to get sick easily so I'm preparing for the worst."

eloquated4/19/2020, 12:16:57 PM

Elladan's eyes widened a little at the admission and he nodded hastily, "Right, I'll hurry my ass up, then.  You can come up if you want, I'll hide the bodies!" 

Barefoot and dripping, Elladan jogged up the stairs towards his room.  'Room' was a bit of an exaggeration, though.  The loft was large, and the two spaces were divided with a wall down the middle, but not at the front, leaving them half open.  Elrohir's was dominated by canvasses, some of them leaning against the bed, and Elladan's was at the end-- a little tidier, though the bed was unmade, and there were clothes strewn over it, and the far corner was filled with books.

"Thankfully you're not a huge guy!"  He said over his shoulder, rummaging through his dresser, "Otherwise this might be harder!"

Mikilieth4/19/2020, 12:31:26 PM

"Nah, the only problem I think will be the height difference," Kili laughed as he followed Elladan, still wrapped tightly with his arms. His gaze flit around the room and he silently appraised it, trying to learn every detail from the other as he could.

"I mean you're taller, so I'll be swimming in your clothes. I think only your shirt is almost enough to be a small dress for me."

eloquated4/19/2020, 12:34:41 PM

"Gimme a break, you're not that short!  And I'm definitely not that tall!"  He laughed, shaking his head and rummaging through his things.  He was thinner, but Kili was shorter, which wasn't ideal-- but sweat pants were warm, and he knew he had a couple in the back of the drawer.  "But if you want a small dress, I'm sure I have one around here somewhere..."

With a teasing eyebrow wiggle, Elladan tossed him a sweater, a tshirt, and a pair of sweat pants.  Nothing fancy, but they were soft, and warm, and smelled of his soap.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 8:11:25 AM

"Now the real question is, why would you have a dress in your drawer in the first place?" Kili shot back with a grin, catching the tossed clothes with ease. He didn't waste any time and moved a bit further away before peeling the wet shirt from his skin.

The silver piercing glinted on his chest for a brief moment as he changed the shirt, and he huffed out an amused chuckle as he realised the shirt almost covered his midnight. 

At least it covered most of his boxers once he changed the pants.

eloquated4/20/2020, 8:28:28 AM

"Or maybe the real question is why wouldn't I?"  Elladan returned without missing a beat, his cheeky smile half hidden in profile, "Anyway, lots of reasons!  But mostly?  Because if Ro or I need models, we usually use each other.  It's easier cause we're already both here!"

It was so tempting.. so very, very tempting... To try and catch a look at Kili while he was getting changed.  The sort of tempting that made his stomach tense, and the back of his neck feel warm.. And which would probably be really pervy, even though Kili had said he didn't care.

But it was dark enough outside, the rain lashing against the window, that he could see their blurred reflections.  And that wasn't the same as deliberately watching like a creeper!  Right?  Elladan he swallowed hard, suddenly dry mouthed, at the shadowy broad shoulders, and the toned, hard muscles that were definitely more defined than they looked through his clothes.

You are fucked.  Truly.  Properly.  Fucked.

"Just... ah.. give me a second to get changed too, and we'll toss the wet stuff in the laundry."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 8:38:49 AM

"Sounds good," Kili hummed as he struggled out of his jeans, colorful curses flying past his lips. God he hated when the fabric clung to his legs like that, and on top of the icky feeling it also scratched his skin which sucked. He was quick as he changed into the sweatpants, and to his own amusement he had to roll the legs up once so they wouldn't cover his toes.

Warm and dry and comfortable, Kili let out a satisfied sigh and inhaled deeply, the scent of Elladan's soap making him feel all fuzzy inside.

eloquated4/20/2020, 8:48:01 AM

Elladan snickered at the sound of Kili doing battle with layers of wet cotton and denim, "I'm not sure I've ever heard that word used in that context before!"  He teased back over his shoulder.

The upside to being cold, wet and uncomfortable was that it was almost enough to distract him from the deeply and inconveniently attractive man in his bedroom.

Fishing out some of his own clothes-- and lingering a moment over fresh jeans, before deciding that he didn't want to fight them over wet skin-- Elladan grabbed a pair of black lounging around pants and a tshirt with the word "Paste!" blocked across the front.  His wet things stuck as he stripped out of them, his back to Kili with a measure of self consciousness as he changed.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 8:51:19 AM

As much as he wanted to sneak a peek at Elladan as he heard the other change, he didn't want to risk their friendship over being a pervert. If he got caught well... Things could turn awkward very fast.

"Do you have a preference whether you want to model or photograph first?"

eloquated4/20/2020, 9:07:20 AM

"Not really, no.  You can go first if you have some kind of idea. I'm sort of--"  Elladan rolled his shoulders in a noncommittal shrug, "Toying with the idea of something still life?  Like I've caught you in the middle of doing something."

Elladan tugged his shirt over his head, the material catching an embarrassed laugh, "Like writing, I mean!  Or watching tv.  Fuck, that sounded suspicious when I said it!"

Impatiently, Elladan twisted his long,long braid up against the nape of his neck, stabbing a pencil through the knot to keep it in place.  "Ugh, I don't mind wet hair, but I don't want it dripping all down the back of my dry shirt."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 9:10:00 AMEdited 4/20/2020, 9:12:16 AM

He had never in his life seen anyone use a pen to keep their hair up, so he was both caught off guard and amused. But he was quick to focus on the embarrassed laugh and the words Elladan had spoken and come on, how could he really resist teasing the other a bit?

"Well... The professor did say we could focus on a certain part of the body if we wished," he drawled out with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

eloquated4/20/2020, 9:24:06 AM

"I'm not sure I have the skills to make that look good!"  He grinned, catching Kili's eye in the reflection in the dark window.  "But don't let me stop you from living your best centrefold life!"

Cinching the pants around his waist, Elladan gathered up his discarded clothes and made sure to clean out his pockets, before nodding towards the door, "Laundry. Coffee.  Then you can figure out what parts of you you want 10 feet tall in front of the class."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 9:34:19 AM

Kili gasped in mock shock, placing a hand above his heart. "Are you saying it's ugly? That's rude, you haven't even seen it!"

He gathered his wet clothes and mirrored Elladan's actions of checking the pockets before telling the other to lead the way to the laundry room. "What about you? Do you have a preference you wish to see of yourself?"

eloquated4/20/2020, 9:37:37 AM

Elladan made a show of rolling his grey eyes, smirking as he blew a few loose strands of wet black hair from his eyes, "I'm not exactly the cock connoisseur, I'll take your word for it!"

Though not for a lack of interest!  (Not that he was thinking about that, because sweat pants hid no manner of sins.)

"I don't know.  I'm happy letting you choose- you've got more experience photographing me!"

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 9:41:54 AM

"That was one time," Kili muttered embarrassed, resisting the urge to hide his face against the wet clothes as he followed Elladan across the apartment. Of course he had several ideas how he could photograph the other, but he had wanted to check first if Elladan had had any preferences.

"You do know that this project will just boost the rumors further, right?" He asked concerned. "Are you sure you're alright with that? I mean.... People thinking you're gay and all?"

eloquated4/20/2020, 9:47:40 AM

"I was thinking about that, yeah. I was going to ask you the same."  Elladan mused as he lead the way back down to the main living area.  They didn't have a surplus of space, but there was a small storage area off the kitchen that they'd (very narrowly!) managed to wriggle an upright washer and dryer into.  

Anything was better than trekking up and down nine flights of stairs to the basement!

"But personally?  I don't care.  They're not the first people to assume I'm gay, and I doubt they'll be the last.  And I'm not going to throw an assignment just because some neanderthal assholes think being gay is a problem."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 9:52:14 AM

Relief washed over Kili at the words, and he nodded in agreement. At least it was a relief to know that Elladan wasn't against gay people, so even if the other found out he hopefully would not be completely disgusted.

"I agree. If some people's largest problem in life is that someone else is gay, they really need to set their priorities right," Kili said as he pushed his clothes in the dryer and wiped his hands absently on the sweatpants to get rid of the excess moisture.

"they're just jealous I got the best model in the class for myself."

eloquated4/20/2020, 10:04:28 AM

Elladan caught the look of relief on Kili's face-- did he not realize he'd outed himself earlier?  The thought made him smile, lopsided and boyish, and he shook his head, "If I had a problem with gay people, I wouldn't still be hanging around you, right?  And I definitely wouldn't be giving you carte blanche to photograph me!"

He tossed the clothes into the wash and added a couple of rubbery packets of detergent with a dramatic little flourish, before starting the machine.  "I'm pretty sure nobody in the class would agree with that statement, me included!  But... er... Well, when the professor told us about the assignment, I was hoping you wouldn't mind working with me."

Elladan shrugged sheepishly and scuttled around Kili to start a cup of coffee, mostly for something to occupy his hands (and to stave off a bit more of the lingering cold!)  "Want something?  All the pod..things.. are up in that cupboard."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 10:08:56 AM

Confusion was written all over Kili's face for a moment at Elladan's words, as the other made it sound like he knew that-

A sudden flicker of a memory surfaced, of him jumping into the puddle and cursing the god for punishing him for being gay and all color escaped Kili's face. Had he really said that? Had he really just blurted it out and not even fucking realise it?

Oh God was really, really against him today.

"You don't happen to have just straight up poison, do you?" He wailed covering his face with his hands. He wasn't ashamed of who he was, but he hadn't counted on his brains being so fucking stupid he just outed himself like that. 

"I can't believe I just- oh my fucking god..."

eloquated4/20/2020, 10:10:57 AM

Maybe it wasn't polite, but Elladan burst out laughing at the look on Kili's face, tears springing to the corners of his eyes.  "You did, yeah!  I figured you were just really comfortably out!"  He gasped between giggles, leaning back against the counter with the head rush of amusement.

"And definitely no poison, no!  It's fine, really it is.  At least now you don't have to worry about tell me, right?  It's just out there!"

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 10:14:21 AM

"Oh my god," Kili whined quietly, his face positively burning as he finally looked up at Elladan. Well, at least his new friend was completely alright with it and seemed amused by the entire situation.

At least one of them was having fun.

"Glad you're enjoying my embarrassment so much you dick," he groaned closing his eyes and resting his weight against the same counter Elladan rested on. "Any chance you'll just forget it ever happened?"

eloquated4/20/2020, 10:18:15 AM

Even flustered, embarrassed and red as a beet, Kili was unfairly gorgeous.  Elladan's stomach swooped when he slumped against the counter beside him, and fuck that just kept happening around him!  It was like being in middle school all over again, hopelessly crushing on the cute person across the class.  Same butterflies.  

"You'd laugh if I was the one carrying on!"  Staving off another attack of the giggles, he elbowed Kili's arm playfully, "Between this, and the photo in class, I don't think I'm ever going to forget you.  So nope, no chance.  You're just going to have to accept that this is the way things are!"

"It's really not that bad, though."  He added, dabbing his eyes with the end of his sleeve, "I guess you're not officially out?"

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 10:20:30 AM

Kili's whine was high-pitched and pitiful, but a smile was already curling back on his lips as he glanced at Elladan. The wide smile looked really good on him and to be honest, he didn't mind making an idiot out of himself if it meant it would make Elladan laugh that way.

"Not officially, no. My brother knows but that's it," he admitted. "And the only reason he knows is because he caught me staring at other men more than females."

eloquated4/20/2020, 10:25:15 AM

"I'm not going to tell anyone."  He promised, voice still light and breathy with laughter.  "Really, I won't.  But I'm pretty sure people are going to figure it out, unless you make me look really bad for this assignment."

Which was an option, if Kili was actually worried about people suspecting there was more than just a brief rumour between them.

"And Ro isn't going to care, either!  He spends most of his free time making googly eyes that this guy in one of his classes, Haldir."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 10:26:46 AM

Kili's eyes widened at the words, and he straightened up surprised. "Is your brother alright with you just outing him like that?" he asked worriedly, drawing his lower lip between his teeth.

He knew that if Fili was telling his secret like that to someone he didn't know, he'd be more than pissed.

eloquated4/20/2020, 10:31:34 AM

Elladan grinned, a little part of him (small, tiny really!  Minuscule!) melting at Kili trying to defend his own twin from him.  "He won't care, no.  We were at this event thing last year, and someone with a camera-" 

Well, it had been an industry event, cameras had been everywhere.

"Caught him and some guy flirting.  It was pretty obvious.  But they posted the video online, hoping they could use it to get attention."  Elladan shrugged faintly, papering over just how stressful that had been at the time.  "He decided after that to just own it, rather than deny it."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 10:33:52 AM

"Oh that sucks," Kili winced at the thought. "Like someone choosing to out you for you is not cool, especially not like that. I'm glad he turned it into something positive though," he continued as he reached on top of the cupboard and pulled out a random capsule.

The taste didn't matter to be honest, as long as the drink was warm.

"I suppose it also explains how you're so chill with this entire thing, so in a way I lucked out," Kili chuckled.

eloquated4/20/2020, 10:39:18 AM

"Yeah, he was pissed at the time, but it all worked out for the best."  Taking the pod, Elladan shuffled around the kitchen to make stuff for them both, since his fingers and toes were still cold, and the crawling goosebumps chill hadn't left.  

Outside, the rain seemed to be attempting to wash the whole city off the map, and Elladan shivered at the next peal of thunder.  "I'm so glad you agreed to come back here to work, it'd suck to be out there right now." His hand hovered over the coffee machine for a moment, slender fingers poised over the buttons before selecting the one he wanted with a tap.

"It just doesn't feel like something to get upset over!  It's not like your dating effects me."  You only wish it did.  "How'd your brother take it?"

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 10:42:08 AM

"He was super chill about it," Kili smiled at the memory, crossing his arms across his chest. "I was at the worst teenage phase by then, so of course I thought that him finding out was the worst thing in the world. I feared he'd be disgusted, or hate me. Damn near had a panic attack."

He chuckled with a shake of his head, damp hair falling in front of his eyes."He reassured me that it was alright, and that he had had his own suspicions for a while now and that no matter what, I'd still be his little brother."

A soft laugh escaped his lips.

"Of course the teasing began after I had calmed down."

eloquated4/20/2020, 10:52:30 AM

"Teasing your brother is a time honored tradition!  You'd probably be more weirded out if he hadn't."  Elladan pointed out over his shoulder, "But you know I'm trying to picture you as a teenager now, right?"

With a hiss and a trickle of steam, the machine punched out a piping hot drink, and he slid it over to Kili, "Milk and whatever is in the fridge, if you want." 

They did need to start on their project, but Elladan was enjoying himself too much to worry about it.  At first sight Kili had been disarmingly handsome, but the more he got to know him, the more he wanted to know.  What he was like, and what made him tick, and why his laughter was such a contagious thing!

"Your brother sounds pretty awesome."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 11:00:58 AM

"He is," Kili smiled accepting the warm cup and just held it between his cold fingers, enjoying the warmth with a soft sigh and a content smile. "He took me in after our parents passed away. Without him, I would have ended up in childcare or something equally horrifying so I basically owe him my life," he said fondly.

eloquated4/20/2020, 11:05:28 AM

Elladan couldn't imagine a world without his father in it.  He was too much a fixture, this unmoving rock at the centre of their family.  "I'm sorry."  He said after a pause, flashing Kili a half smile, "But yeah, definitely awesome, then.  Did you tell him about the whole thing with the photo in class?"  

Yes, it was a change of subject.  And not even a particularly subtle one!  But it was already dark, wet and gross outside... Better not to focus on the dark things they could drum up inside as well.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 11:07:04 AM

"Hell no!" Kili exclaimed immediately with a bright laugh, taking a careful sip of the hot coffee. The taste was definitely richer than any other coffee he had drank and he hummed contently.

"You're already keeping that over my head, if he knew, he'd never let me live it down either!"

eloquated4/20/2020, 11:11:11 AM

"I claim the right to hold it over your head, since it was me in the picture! And my head blown up in front of the class!"  Padding over to the L shaped sofa, Elladan hopped over the edge and draped himself into the corner, sinking into the familiar spot.

"Ro found out before I got to tell him.  One of our neanderthal classmates decided to hassle him about it.  So I got the whole brotherly lecture about posing for risque photos for strange men!"  He grinned against the edge of his cup, "So I had to set him straight."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 12:41:00 PM

"Well I suppose your brother already has a creepy impression of me," Kili laughed as he joined Elladan on the couch, sinking into the soft cushions. It felt like sitting on a cloud after the cold and rain and he couldn't help the satisfied sound that slipped from his lips.

"I know we're supposed to be working but we have all weekend, right? We could do all the thinking today and leave rest to tomorrow. I'm too comfortable to move anytime soon."

eloquated4/20/2020, 12:48:42 PM

"Don't worry about, we both have to tell our brothers "yeah, we met through a lens".  No way that's not going to seem weird."  Elladan countered, his eyes dropping closed for a lazily contented moment.

Yeah, this was much better than class.  He'd been working his ass off for ages, he deserved a mental health day.

Setting his coffee on the table to cool a little, Elladan tugged the pencil out of his hair and started unwinding the long braid that flopped into his lap.  "You could say we are working!  We're in the same space, with each other.  Looking for inspiration.  I mean, we are supposed to be photographing each other."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 12:53:17 PM

"I mean you're right in a way," Kili chuckled, relaxing further on the couch now that he knew Elladan was agreeing with him about taking it easy. He eyed Elladan's hair curiously, resting his elbow against his knee.

"How can you stand such long hair? Doesn't it drive you insane? I'd imagine it gets tangled everywhere."

eloquated4/20/2020, 12:57:26 PM

Elladan looked up, his smile sliding into something almost bashful, "I guess it's just what I'm used to? My brother's is the same."  He admitted, combing his fingers through the strands.  It was ink black, and waved faintly from being wet and braided for the last several hours.  

"And it does get in the way sometimes!  It's why I don't wear it down much-- you ever tried sitting on your own hair?  Not fun!" He laughed, the sound catching under his breath as he accidentally snagged a knot, "My mother liked it this way, so we never really cut it as kids.  My sister chopped all hers' off a few years ago into this super cute pixie thing, and my grandmother just about had a heart attack."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 1:03:44 PM

Kili watched him for a moment mesmerised, the glide of the hair between Elladan's fingers almost hypnotising. He couldn't imagine a life with that kind of hair, when he was already losing his mind with his curls.

"Here, you missed a spot," Kili pointed out and reached out without thinking, his fingers taking care of the knot on the back of Elladan's hair. The texture of the hair was soft and he blinked surprised, slowly threading them between his fingers. "I don't think I've ever felt soft hair like this before."

eloquated4/20/2020, 1:07:47 PM

It wasn't that people didn't touch his hair-- Elrohir did, and occasionally they ran across people in the street that seemed to think it was alright to just come up and pull his braid to see if it was real.

But those people weren't Kili.  Someone he was already distractedly attracted to, and intensely aware of, like he could feel every inch of the space between them on the couch.

Elladan was already on edge when Kili unexpectedly combed his fingers through his hair, and the resulting gasp was humiliatingly loud in the quiet living room.  His eyes dropped half closed for a moment as bright, tingling sensation zipped across his scalp and down the back of his neck, catching him entirely off guard.

"Oh?"  He gulped the word, and gave himself a stern shake back to reality, cheeks blazing.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 1:14:35 PM

"Yeah, it's like silk," Kili smiled, combing through Elladan's hair slowly, catching the tiny knots that hit his fingers. "It must be hard to take care of it daily. I mean, I thought my curls were tough but christ," he continued, and it was if his brains suddenly caught up with what he was doing and he froze in place.

His eyes were wide and he gaped at Elladan, the blush slowly rising up his cheeks. He didn't dare to move his hand away, didn't dare to move an inch. Even if Elladan had said that he was alright with him being who he was, this had to cross some borders.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

eloquated4/20/2020, 1:19:49 PM

"Mmhmm..."  Elladan's voice drifted as he unconsciously leaned into the slow path of Kili's fingers.  There was no part of him that wanted to pull away, not when he was close, and every combing pass made Elladan's skin feel alive.  

Half lidded grey eyes slowly began to close, and Elladan was fairly sure one of them needed to pull away-- but it wasn't going to be him and--

Both of them were blushing hotly when reality snapped back into place, and even the peal of thunder outside made the apartment vibrate-- like the world had returned with a bump.

"No- no- it's--"  He started to protest, one corner of his mouth jumping self consciously, "Don't apologize."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 1:25:12 PM

"I just..." he trailed off into silence, his fingers twitching slightly in Elladan's hair before he carefully began to comb through them again.

"I suppose I could repay your kindness by helping you care for your hair?" he offered, and even in his own mind the excuse sounded clumsy as fuck.

eloquated4/20/2020, 1:29:06 PM

It was the most transparent of excuses, and he was sure they both knew it.  But he wanted this closeness, and it was all the excuse he needed to keep it.  Elladan felt like his heart was going to burst with nerves when he shifted a little, half turning his back to Kili.

"Yeah..." He breathed, grateful their new position hid the worst of his burning cheeks, "Sounds like a fair trade.. And you're supposed to be figuring out what to photograph anyway.. It's as good a place as any to start."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 1:34:16 PM

"Yeah, it's only logical," he grasped at the excuse immediately, his heart hammering in his chest as he began to rake through Elladan's hair with more sure fingers.

The other had to see through his weak excuse, and yet still had agreed into this. He tried not to read too much into it.

The silence around them shifted from embarrassment to comfort slowly and Kili began to relax as he pulled Elladan's hair back and if his fingers happened to grace Elladan's ear on the progress well... That wasn't his fault.

eloquated4/20/2020, 1:43:36 PMEdited 4/20/2020, 1:43:46 PM

Unlike his twin who was infinitely more brave in love, Elladan hadn't been this close to many people before.  His stomach tugged hotly as Kili's fingers combed through his hair, working out the tiny knots and snarls with little sparks of pleasant pain.

When he grazed over his ear, Kili could almost see the shiver that slid down Elladan's spine, and the tension that tightened across his shoulders for an instant.  "Mmhmm..."  He murmured, finally letting his eyes drop properly closed.

"Logical... I think.."  Elladan paused, drawing a slow breath, and exhaling with a murmur of bliss, "I want one of your curls.  A picture, I mean... All mussed up like the first time I saw you..."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 1:47:10 PM

Kili swallowed at the words, thankful that Elladan could not see how his entire face lit up with the strength of a blush. He hadn't been aware just how much attention Elladan had paid him when they had met but the answer seemed to be 'more than he thought'.

"It's usually very messy in the mornings after I wake up," he replied softly, starting a small braid with a part of Elladan's hair. "So we'd have to meet up early if you want that."

eloquated4/20/2020, 1:51:34 PM

Out of habit, Elladan tilted his head back a little when he felt Kili start plaiting a small section of his hair.  It was intensely surreal, and he could feel the way the couch shifted whenever Kili moved-- and it would be so easy, so impossibly easy, to just lean into his space, back to chest, and --

And what?  Is he waiting for a signed invitation?  Are you?

"Or I could just find a way to mess you up now."  He murmured, tongue flicking out to moisten his suddenly dry lips, "Or both..."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 1:55:37 PM

His heart leaped at the words and the braid slipped from his fingers, and the way his stomach swooped almost made him feel sick but in a good way. Surely Elladan didn't mean what he thought he meant. There was no way.

Christ, Elladan was going to be the death of him.

"Mess me up?" he repeated, his voice a tad deeper, a tad shakier with nerves as he reached back to Elladan's hair and picked up the half done braid with a deep breath. 

"And how were you going to do that?"

eloquated4/20/2020, 2:00:16 PM

Did he mean that the way it sounded?  Sure, there was a chance that Kili might like him, it was possible, even if it didn't feel plausible-- but what if he did?  Elladan's quick exhale stuttered across his lips as he shifted, drawing one knee up onto the couch and wrapping his arms around it loosely.

"Yeah.."  He confirmed, not sure if Kili had even the faintest idea what that low, unsteady voice was doing to his insides.  "I guess that depends.. on what sort of messed up I'm .. er... How you'd let me.  I don't want to..."

Yes, apparently he was waiting for an invitation.  Signed in fucking triplicate by eight noble witnesses.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 2:04:16 PM

Fuck.

Kili exhaled shakily, but couldn't help the smile that spread on his lips at the stuttered explanation. It helped to know he wasn't the only one nervous and now there was the possibility that Elladan felt something for him. Whatever it was, he would take it. Even if there was the risk it would only be a taste.

He pulled the hair back slowly, exposing Elladan's ear before he leaned close until his chest was pressed up against the other's back and his warm breath ghosted over Elladan's ear.

"Give me your best shot."

eloquated4/20/2020, 2:12:10 PM

Elladan was fairly sure his stomach had flipped around entirely, the tension pushing all the air from his lungs in a lightheaded rush.  His eyes widened in surprise when Kili finally closed the space between them-- finally finally.  

"Fuck..."  He murmured, sinking back against Kili's chest.  He could feel the warmth radiating between them, hot with nervously quickened blood.  "Pretty sure that's my cue to turn around and kiss you."

Slowly Elladan twisted, his shoulder shifting across Kili's chest as he half turned to look at him.  Colour flushed high on his cheeks, and his lower lip caught against his teeth, "Unless you'd like to tell me not to?"

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 2:16:57 PM

Christ, Elladan was truly gorgeous wasn't he? The grey in his eyes only seemed more intense combined with the red of his cheeks and Kili found himself captivated as he tug lightly on the other's hair.

"I think I'll be very disappointed if you don't," he murmured roughly, the words thick on his tongue, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest.

"If you think you can mess me up, you have to prove it," he challenged with a crooked grin.

eloquated4/20/2020, 2:22:34 PM

How could he ignore a challenge like that? 

This close, Elladan felt like he was drowning in Kili, his whole world eclipsed by dark eyes and thick curls that just begged for him to comb his fingers through them.  "Me too."  

There was nothing he could do to stop the subtle tremor of nerves when he reached up to do just that, slender fingers carding through his hair and curling through the lush strands.  

Closing the last few inches, Elladan curiously brushed his mouth across Kili's, soft and experimental, and making his lips tingle.  It was just supposed to be one, but two was better.. three was better... five wasn't enough...

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 2:27:47 PM

The first brush of lips against his own stole all the air from his lungs, and he couldn't stop his body from beginning to tremble as Elladan's fingers curled through his hair and held him close. No kiss before had felt like this; experimental, pure, electrifying.

He couldn't get enough of it.

His hand slid down to rest on the side of Elladan's neck and he leaned closer with a soft sound, his eyelids fluttering close as he returned the kisses, each one growing in length.

eloquated4/20/2020, 2:35:02 PM

It felt like Elladan had been waiting forever for this, suffocating and breath held with nerves-- and finally there was air again, shared in the space between them.  If he had any doubts that Kili had felt the same shock of chemistry between them, he didn't anymore.

Between kisses he twisted around properly, one hand finding home on Kili's chest, fingers splayed to feel the racing beat of his heart under his palm, and the other tangling in his dark curls.  

This is what a kiss is supposed to be.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 2:40:39 PM

It was easy to let Elladan's weight push him down on the couch and he immediately placed his other hand on Elladan's lower back to hold him close. The weight of the other felt heavenly and grounding at the same time and Kili couldn't get enough of it as he chased Elladan's lips with his own. His other hand still rested in Elladan's hair and he exhaled shakily through his nose, craning his neck to nudge his nose against Elladan's own. 

He was getting drunk on the taste, and knew he could never let a Elladan go again. He could not go long without having another taste, hesitantly brushing his tongue over Elladan's lower lip; a silent ask for permission.

eloquated4/20/2020, 2:48:30 PM

The tiny, still nervous part of Elladan was waiting for it to turn awkward; for them not to fit together, for Kili too pull away, for the couch to be too narrow for two grown men.  

What happened instead was their bodies slotting together, sinking into the soft cushions.  It was the anchor of Kili's warm hand slotted onto the dip at the small of his back with a steady pressure that made Elladan's head spin and his stomach tense.  

Deepening the kiss felt like the most natural thing in the world, Elladan's lips parting and welcoming, curved up at the edges where even kisses couldn't stop him from smiling.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 2:51:22 PM

This was really happening.

It wasn't a joke or a test, neither one of them were pulling away with an awkward laugh.

Instead the kiss deepened further as he allowed his tongue to slip past Elladan's lips, a small groan mixing into their kiss as he mapped the others mouth with small flicks.

All he could taste, feel and smell was Elladan and the heaven outside could come crashing down and he'd be none the wiser.

eloquated4/20/2020, 2:55:44 PM

The world hadn't ended.  The kiss hadn't broken the tension into awkward shuffling, unable to meet the other's eyes.  Instead, it felt like it had ignited the thing between them, and Elladan was breathless and drowning in it.

Shifting his weight, he slotted his free arm over Kili's shoulder and dipped his head, brushing kisses down the side of his neck.  "M' not crushing you, am I?"  He murmured against his pulse, and paused just long enough to let him answer.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 2:58:47 PM

"Fuck no," Kili gasped tilting his head to the side, his skin breaking into goosebumps as his grip of Elladan's hair tightened. It felt as if Elladan's lips were leaving a trail of fire over his skin and he yearned for more, looking up at the other with darkened eyes.

"Keep doing that?" he requested voice breaking a bit, his cheeks flushed heavily as he ran his other hand up and down Elladan's back.

eloquated4/20/2020, 3:07:36 PM

Elladan had never thought of himself as an aural person before, but the sound of Kili's voice sparked in his brain.  He smothered a shallow gasp against his neck, hidden by kisses--  he wanted to make him sound like that, more and forever, and just like that.

"Kili..."  He breathed his name like a precious thing, back arching under his hands.  The hem of his sweater was loose, bunching up in Kili's hands as they moved, and Elladan could feel the cool draft on his skin.  "Fuck.."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 3:12:16 PM

The smart thing to do would be to stop before they got too carried away, perhaps discuss a bit about what they wanted but god knew he could not pull himself away from Elladan. Not when the other whispered his name like that, pressing more kisses over his skin, moving his body like that.

His fingers graced over Elladan's skin on his back and he took a moment to trace mindless symbols over it, feeling the skin heat up under his touch. He nuzzled his nose against the side of Elladan's face, releasing breathless sounds and pressing small kisses on the smooth skin.

eloquated4/20/2020, 3:16:39 PM

He'd never guessed that one kiss could be so intoxicating, that it could make the whole world outside of the two of them vanish.  It was the kind of thing that only happened in movies and books, and Elladan was completely caught up in Kili.

The long curtain of his black hair fell around them when he mapped his way back to his mouth, wordlessly melting under the warm, nuzzling affection.  They should move... should talk... just another minute, one more minute, one more kiss, they could wait that long.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 3:19:49 PM

"Fuck," Kili breathed out roughly against Elladan's lips, brushing his own against them once, twice, three times. He rested his hand palm down over Elladan's back, holding him closer, refusing to let go.

"You're going to be the end of me," he murmured, trailing the soft kisses down Elladan's throat, tasting the salt of his skin.

eloquated4/20/2020, 3:24:09 PM

"Yeah?  Makes two of us.. I've been thinking that all day.."  Elladan laughed faintly, just a huff of breath between kissed.  The weight of his hand on his back, the pressure and warmth, was absolutely electric, and Elladan couldnt imagine wanting to be anywhere else.

His eyes dropped closed with a soft, hitching moan, and he tilted his head to bare his throat.  "I was so sure you didn't... you wouldn't..."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 3:26:41 PM

"I'd have to be both blind and stupid not to," Kili replied against Elladan's skin, trailing the kisses down his throat and allowing his teeth to lightly graze against him.

"I thought you didn't... Thought I had no chance with you," he added, pressing the flat of his tongue over Elladan's racing pulse.

eloquated4/20/2020, 3:29:22 PM

The damp heat jerked a whimper from his lips that would have been embarrassing under any other circumstances.  But with Kili's voice reverberating in his ears, he barely noticed.

"And here.. you thought I was going to hit you.."  He managed a breathy laugh, his fingers tangling in Kili's hair to pull him closer, "And I was so... so distracted by you being... just gorgeous.."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 3:31:23 PM

"Looks like I'm going to be making a mess out of you instead," Kili teased with a breathy chuckle, the grip Elladan had of his hair pulling a pleased sound from the back of his throat.

Careful nips and licks turned into more daring bites and light sucks over Elladan's neck, the scent of the other making his head spin.

eloquated4/20/2020, 3:34:41 PM

He was so pale that his skin reddened easily, leaving a map of where Kili's mouth had been.  He was going to have marks to hide later, and the idea of it made his stomach swoop, heat spilling through his veins.  

"Think it's... it's pretty mutual." He countered, not entirely sure how he could keep talking when it felt like all his blood was rushing away from his brain.  "But.. God... you can try."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 3:37:09 PM

The way Elladan sounded like when breaking apart was addicting and gorgeous and God he wanted to keep hearing it until the day he died. He wanted to feel him writhe, to hear him gasp and whimper out in pleasure. 

Never one to back away from a challenge, Kili trailed his lips down on the spot between Elladan's neck and shoulder and actually bit down, sucking a proper hickey on the pale skin.

eloquated4/20/2020, 3:45:04 PM

"Ki-ii!"  Elladan's voice properly broke with surprise, crackling up with a gasp on the second syllable of Kili's name.  Nobody had ever had the guts to bite him before, and Elladan's brain shorted out for an instant at the sharp burn of pleasure-pain.  Heat pooled under his skin like a brand, reddening to mark the spot.

Elladan's fingers twisted instinctively in his curls, the thick, soft mass of them completely disordered and mussed.  "And how--" He swallowed, trying to school his breathing into something normal with a laugh, "Am I going to hide that?"

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 3:48:09 PM

Kili groaned as Elladan tugged at his curls again, his scalp burning and tingling in a pleasant way that shot heat straight down his spine. He could not stop himself from giggling and grinning from the other, clearly pleased at the reaction he had pulled out. 

"Why do you think I made it here?" Kili asked cheekily, nuzzling the already purple mark with his nose. "You'll be fine with a hoodie or something else you can zip up."

eloquated4/20/2020, 3:53:15 PM

Laughter helped smooth the raw, rushing edges of new passion, and Elladan dissolved into giggles right along with Kili.  It was a bubbling, effervescent feeling, like he'd never be able to stop smiling.

"It's a 'property of Kili' mark!"  He gasped between laughs, rubbing his cheek against Kili's adoringly.  In truth, he didn't care about covering it, not really; it was like a warm, faintly aching reminder of today.  Proof that this had really happened.

"Are you sure I'm not squishing you?"  He added, already wriggling a little to the side, just in case Kili didn't actually want his gangly self draped over his chest.

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 3:56:57 PM

"Ah don't-!"

Kili grabbed a tight hold of Elladan to stop him from wriggling, his face absolutely burning with humiliation as he avoided the other's eyes. It felt as if every nerve in his body was on fire, and he was painfully aware of just where most of his blood had rushed into and how close Elladan was to being directly over it. 

"Look, you can't just make out with me and think it didn't effect me so please don't wriggle," he rushed to say, hiding his face against Elladan's shoulder.

eloquated4/20/2020, 4:01:27 PM

Elladan stopped short, his eyebrows jumping with obvious concern.  Had he-- oh.  OH.  He wasn't sure if it was the way Kili had just grabbed him, tight and secure and oh fuck, he was in such trouble because he was never going to be able to let go of him.

--  Or if it was the revelation of why he' grabbed him--  That made his cheeks redden hotly.

"Sorry...  Oops?"  Elladan grinned, his thumb gently rubbing small circles just behind Kili's ear.  "It's... If it's any consolation, it's really not just you.  I just have the benefit of being able to... um, hide it easier."  He admitted, trying to equalize the embarrassment a little!

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 4:04:30 PM

He really couldn't stop himself from giggling at the predicament they were in. The giggle turned into a chuckle which then turned itno laughter, his voice muffled against Elladan's shoulder for a brief moment before he allowed himself to relax and flop his head back down on the cushions.

His eyes were dark yet bright and twinkling, lips swollen and hair mussed up and in a single word he just looked completely debauched.

"What a situation we're in, huh?"

eloquated4/20/2020, 4:13:20 PM

They were both warm and flushed, and when Elladan looked down at Kili, he couldn't entirely believe that he'd been the cause of that incredible smile.  It was more than just the physical pleasure of being close to him, it was just... Kili.  That smile, and the way he laughed, and the was Elladan felt lightheaded and completely besotted.

He was sure it was painted all over his face when he leaned down to steal a kiss, tasting the laughter between them.

"Situation:  messed.  You, Kili, are completely mussed up. Just like I promised."  He beamed down at him, and carefully relocated himself into the narrow gap between Kili and the back of the couch.  Gently he brushed his fingers across the disheveled curls and down his warm cheek, tracing his fingertips across the swollen redness of his mouth.  

"I haven't woke up yet, so I'm starting to think I'm not imagining this."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 4:17:06 PM

"I'd say we're both rather mussed up and you look amazing like that," he smiled leaning into the gentle caress of the finger. 

Kili hummed in response to the other's words, lips twitching into a warm smile. "This is all real, I promise," he mumbled against Elladan's finger and he couldn't resist the temptation to curl his tongue around the tip of the finger, winking cheekily at the other.

eloquated4/20/2020, 4:19:34 PM

Elladan ducked his head against Kili's shoulder to muffle a laugh, his hand dropping it settle against the other side of his neck. "This isn't what I was thinking when I invited you over today."  He admitted, the smile audible in his voice.

"But I definitely hoped.  Especially after you accidentally told me you weren't straight!  Up until then, I kept telling myself it was a bad, bad idea to crush on straight guys... I'm so glad I was wrong."

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 4:21:16 PM

"God I still can't believe I did that!" Kili laughed curling his arm around Elladan and pulling him close until they rested properly side by side.

"I was thinking the same thing though. How crushing on a straight guy was a fucking bad idea and would only hurt. Then I had a mild freak out over falling for you so fast."

eloquated4/20/2020, 4:24:39 PM

And that was it, the admission that Elladan hadn't realized he was waiting for.  Kili could feel the roll of tension that ran down his body, followed by a breath of shaky laughter.  "Is that what it is, then?"  He asked, curling tight against Kili's side.

His hand settled over his heart, feeling the beat of it as it raced under his ribs. Elladan was sure he was doing the same.  "Falling for me?"

Mikilieth4/20/2020, 4:28:33 PM

"I'm like... 98% sure I am," Kili admitted nervously, his fingers massaging between Elladan's shoulder blades. The fear that this entire situation could still turn upside down made his stomach flip in a very unpleasant way, as if he was going to be sick.

"I mean... I don't go around kissing just everyone you know."

eloquated4/20/2020, 4:31:30 PM

"Neither do I!"  The words escaped in a a rush, and Elladan tilted his head and arched forward to nuzzle a kiss under Kili's jaw.  "I keep telling myself how could I be falling for you?  We only just met!"

He kissed him again, and Kili could feel the way the muscles between his shoulders had begun to relax, loosened by the admission and his touch.  "But I am.  I just didn't want to assume that you felt the same."

Mikilieth4/22/2020, 3:26:15 PM

"I think I started to fall for you the moment I snapped the first picture," Kili admitted absently, rubbing his thumb between Elladan's shoulder blades.

"I didn't even realise I was taking the picture until I heard the sound of the shutter. It was so loud!"

eloquated4/22/2020, 3:31:51 PM

Slowly Elladan melted into Kili's side, the tension that always lingered between his shoulders (hours spent in a lecture hall, and more still editing videos at a computer would do that!) unraveling under his fingers.  

"I was so sure I'd heard someone, but you didn't say anything!" He turned his head to half smother a laugh against Kili's shoulder, "I thought you were either a serial killer hiding a body, or a figment of my imagination.  Right up until I saw my own face on the overhead!"

Mikilieth4/22/2020, 3:33:48 PM

"I did kind of run away as soon as I realised what I had done," Kili laughed holding Elladan closer, the warmth of the other's breath on his shoulder sending pleasant shivers through his body.

"But I'm glad you ended up being in my class. Otherwise this wouldn't have happened."

eloquated4/22/2020, 3:36:37 PM

Elladan wouldn't have thought the couch was big enough for both of them to lie side by side, but apparently it was perfectly snug if they were slotted in tightly together.  Shifting a little, Elladan curled one long leg over Kili's, his head pillowed more comfortably on his chest.

"I can't believe you ran away."  He grinned, playfully poking his side, "I bet you thought you'd gotten away with it, too!  But.. I'm glad, too.  I was glad about 30 seconds after I said hello to you."

Mikilieth4/22/2020, 3:44:26 PM

"I did!" Kili laughed shaking his head a bit before tipping it back. "I thought I had gotten really lucky to catch someone so beautiful in the forest, and that I got to capture them on the camera."

He grinned, pressing a soft kiss on Elladan's forehead. "Obviously, I'm more content with this outcome. If you're willing.... I'd like to see where this goes."

eloquated4/22/2020, 3:48:00 PMEdited 4/22/2020, 3:49:11 PM

They'd both been frozen through them they got to the apartment, but now?  Elladan felt utterly snug, his wrong body warmed through.  "Guess it makes for a good story.  Not sure how you're going to spin it to your brother, though!"

Every little kiss, every pass of his hands, made Elladan feel light and effervescent, like he was filled with happy fizz.  "If I'm willing?"  He exclaimed, half smothering a giggle, "Kili, I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to let you leave tonight!  Of course I'm willing, 110,000 percent sure!"

Mikilieth4/22/2020, 3:54:44 PM

"Unfortunately I can't stay the night, I'm already in too much trouble for skipping the last class," he laughed only to sober up almost instantly with a sheepish grin.

"I might have had a class today but skipping it to be with you was more tempting."

eloquated4/22/2020, 3:57:58 PM

Elladan flushed hotly-- because that hadn't been the way he'd meant it, not entirely, but it certainly was tempting. Rushed, but tempting!  "We both missed class this afternoon, but it's not the end of the world. I mean,..."  He tilted his face up to flash Kili an innocent smile, "It's sort of like an anatomy study.'

"And it's a lot more interesting than my media studies class.  I've about had enough of debating psychological horror and gore."

Mikilieth4/23/2020, 11:26:26 AM

"Anatomy study?" Kili repeated amused, staring at the ceiling with a wide smile. "That sounds like the lamest pickup line of all time," he said with a chuckle, nearly falling off the couch as his phone started to ring in his pocket.

He fumbled to pull it out, grimacing at the screen and mouthed a silent 'busted' before holding it up against his ear.

"Hi bro, what's up?"

He just hoped he didn't sound as breathless as he felt, trying not to giggle like he had been caught well.... Technically he was.

eloquated4/23/2020, 11:30:16 AMEdited 4/23/2020, 11:32:26 AM

Elladan pulled a face when Kili's phone rang, and he had to bite his tongue to stifle a giggle of his own.  "Oops..."  He whispered under his breath, before lapsing silent, his head still tucked against Kili's shoulder.

"So you're not dead.  That's a good start.  And your phone does work.  So I have to wonder..."  Fili's voice on the other end of the line was flat and dry, a sardonic pseudo amusement threaded through every syllable, "Why you're two hours late getting here."

Not that he was worried.  Definitely not.  Because it wasn't as though his brother had a habit of falling ill.  It wasn't as though it was raining like God's own wrath outside.  "I was starting to think you'd drowned."

Mikilieth4/23/2020, 11:43:20 AM

"I could have drowned, I mean it was pretty close," Kili replied grinning, resting his elbow against his knee as he tapped his thigh absently. "I got completely soaked but luckily my photography partner lived close by, so he offered we'd get dry and discuss our project for the school. I lost the track of time and forgot to call, sorry."

He didn't like to make Fili worry, but it wasn't his fault he had gotten distracted.

"I'll be home as soon as my clothes come out of the dryer."

eloquated4/23/2020, 11:48:45 AM

Right, laundry!  With a cheeky smile, Elladan brushed a kiss under Kili's ear and extracted himself reluctantly from their warm tangle on the couch.  Outside the rain seemed to have picked up, lashing against the window with a renewed determination to scrub the city right off the map.

Fili's sigh was audible, and more relieved than he wanted to admit.  He'd never expected this to be his life-- but he'd already lost his mother, and he'd be damned if he lost his brother, too.  Taking Kili in had been, in his eyes, the only option.  But God, he made him worry sometimes!

"You've got a head full of rocks."  He muttered, leaning against the wall of his shop.  Another thing he hadn't expected... but it was a skill, and it paid the bills, even if it wasn't what he would have preferred to be doing!  "You want me to come pick you up?"

Mikilieth4/23/2020, 11:52:12 AM

"That'd be awesome," Kili replied, tone full of graditute. "My bike is still at the school and I'd rather not walk or cycle back home."

He had been soaked to the bone for a long time and the chances his body would succumb to a flu was more than likely. There was a reason Kili usually didn't go out on rainy days, his immune system was wrecked.

"I'll send you the address via message, okay?"

eloquated4/23/2020, 11:56:30 AM

"Alright... text me when you're ready."  Well, at least Fili knew his brother was going to get back home in one piece!  Technically he knew Kili was a grown adult, that he could make his own choices, and it wasn't as though he had a curfew!  But it wasn't like him to just vanish, and on a day like this, Fili's imagination had jumped to the worst conclusion.

Padding back from the laundry closet, the sound of the dryer thumping and rumbling in the background, Elladan dropped down onto the couch beside Kili and arched an eyebrow, "Everything alright?"  He asked after a beat, reaching out for his hand.

Mikilieth4/23/2020, 11:59:00 AM

"Yeah, just my brother worrying," Kili smiled as he put his phone away and took Elladan's hand instead, running his thumb over his knuckles. "There's a reason storms like these makes him uncomfortable and with my immune system being a bit weaker than most it's just a recipe for him to fret."

He smiled a bit, pressing a light kiss on the back of Elladan's hand. "He'll pick me up after the clothes have dried."

eloquated4/23/2020, 12:02:19 PM

"I get it.  The worrying, I mean-- I'm sort of surprised Ro hasn't called, too."  He cracked a smile and sank back into the cushions.  After a moment, Elladan swung his feet up onto the couch and stretched out beside Kili again, even though his heart jittered over a nervous is this too much? beat.

"Better than public transit, anyway.  Your clothes should be done in.. like forty-five minutes?"

Mikilieth4/30/2020, 12:02:43 PM

"Pity that I need to leave so soon, but I really don't wish to worry Fili further," he said sinking his fingers through Elladan's hair, playing with the smooth strands. It felt amazing and unreal that he was allowed to touch now; to have the permission to map Elladan's skin with his fingers.

eloquated4/30/2020, 12:06:27 PM

Elladan had never really thought of his hair as a sensitive spot-- most of the time he didn't pay much attention to it at all, unless it was getting in the way!-- but Kili's fingers combing through the long strands, gently catching on the tiny knots, sent a wash of tingling energy flooding down his spine.

"You make it sound like I'm not going to see you later this weekend!"  He laughed against Kili's shoulder, tilting his head to nuzzle a kiss under his ear, "We've still got this project due on Monday."

Mikilieth4/30/2020, 12:08:37 PM

"I know, but..." he trailed off, suddenly feeling embarrassment over what he had almost admitted. This wasn't the time to go all mushy on someone he had just sort of started dating.

"You're right," Kili chuckled, allowing his head to tip back a bit at the sensation of a kiss being pressed under his ear. "Just have to remember not to brush me hair on the day you want my pictures so you can capture the floof."

eloquated4/30/2020, 12:13:44 PM

"But?"  Embarrassing it might be, but Elladan was far too curious to ignore such a tempting opening!

Twisting onto his side, Elladan tucked his head more comfortably into the crook of Kili's shoulder, his breath warm on the side of his neck.  "Tomorrow? You can come over here, or I can head over to yours, if you don't think your brother will mind.  Ro won't care either way, he'll be working on his paintings."

Mikilieth4/30/2020, 12:16:04 PM

"Mh, Fili is most likely working at the garage, so either works for me," Kili said closing his eyes, the warm breath over his skin sending shivers down his spine. He could hear his own pulse in his ears, the fast racing of his heart making him feel overly sensitive. 

"We could see which one of us is ready first, and then decide where to go?"

eloquated4/30/2020, 12:37:36 PM

Slowly, Elladan fanned his fingers out over Kili's chest, the pad of his thumb smoothing back and forth around his heart.  With the rain lashing against the window he could fall asleep like this, he thought with a dopey smile.  Just like this.

"Mmhmm... That sounds like a plan.  I'm not usually a morning person, but if I get to see you?" Thankfully, his face was hidden along the side of Kili's neck!  "I think I can make the effort."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 11:25:10 AM

"Awww, are you telling me I'm special?" Kili teased playfully, allowing his body to relax further into the cushions. He knew he had to get up soon and get his clothes but surely he could enjoy this moment for couple of more minutes before his brother would bite his head off.

That was one conversation he wasn't sure how to handle.

eloquated6/17/2020, 11:43:55 AM

"If you're not special, that says something about my taste in men!"  Elladan grinned and gently flicked Kili's side, "So I guess that means you have to be special... By default, of course!"

"Is it stupid that you haven't even left yet, and I already know I'm going to miss you tonight?"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 11:45:15 AM

"It's not stupid," Kili sighed wrapping his arm tighter around Elladan. "I know I'll miss you too, but at least this time we have each other's numbers so we can keep texting late in the night and then regret it in the morning," he continued with a laugh.

eloquated6/17/2020, 11:56:45 AM

That sounded good... Really, really good. Nuzzling into the side of his neck, Elladan kissed the hollow under his ear, his lips distractedly trailing down to his collar. "And it's only a few hours. It's not like we have to see each other every waking moment!"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 12:01:59 PM

"Mmmh," Kili hummed in agreement, distracted by the soft lips pressing against his skin. It felt easy to let his head tip back, fingers sliding from Elladan's shoulder to rest against the back of his head, instead playing with the strands of hair.

"Some distance makes the heart fond or however that saying goes."

eloquated6/17/2020, 12:13:30 PM

"I'm not sure if you like this, or if you're going to fall asleep on me."  He teased, finally propping himself on an elbow so he could gaze down at Kili.  Long skeins of black hair fell around his face and pooled on Kili's chest, the trailing edges tickling around his collar.  

"Maybe it does, but can't I have my fondness without the distance?"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 12:16:04 PM

"I like it," Kili laughed in response, opening his eyes to gaze at the taller man fondly. He brushed the hair with his fingers, twining one of the locks around his fingers before using that as a leverage to pull Elladan closer so he could press a light kiss on his lips.

"It's one night, we can make it. Besides, just think about how much fun we could have with messaging each other," he snickered.

eloquated6/17/2020, 12:19:39 PM

"One kiss and your mind slides right into the gutter!" And by the boyish grin, Elladan had been thinking something similar!  He smiled against Kili's mouth, the whole world feeling so warm and good that he practically oozed contentment. "My spidey sense says that I'm going to have a lot of distracted nights in the near future... Strangely, I couldn't be happier about it!"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 12:23:05 PM

"Can you blame me?" Kili grinned sheepishly, his skin turning a shade redder. "I have the hottest guy of the school in my arms and I'm only a human. How could I not react to that?"

Plus he was a hormonal young adult, give him a break. His mind rested in the gutter so often he might as well make a home there. And now he had someone he wanted, someone who made him feel amazing and wanted in such a short time. It was hard to keep himself in control.

"Good, because I plan to be as distracting as possible."

eloquated6/17/2020, 12:50:14 PM

"Blame you? No.  Enjoy making you blush? Definitely."  Elladan was just leaning down to steal a kiss when their warm, happy little bubble was interrupted rudely by the jarring buzz of the dryer. 

"Ugh, mood killer!" He groused, and kissed Kili anyway, quick and adoring, his mouth curved up in a smile, "Now that's distracting." 

If it wasn't for the fact that Kili's brother was already worried, Elladan would have tried to find an excuse for him to stay... but he was worried. And probably waiting for Kili to call.  "Worst. Timing. Ever."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 12:52:17 PM

"Blocked by a dryer," Kili laughed covering his face with one arm, blindly searching for his phone with the other. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, for surely he would have gotten distracted by Elladan and end up worrying his brother again.

While Elladan was picking the clothes, he texted his brother.

Got the clothes, ready for pickup in five.

eloquated6/17/2020, 1:04:04 PMEdited 6/17/2020, 1:04:15 PM

Elladan gathered the things out of the dryer, the fabric still piping hot as he carried it back to the living room in a haphazard armful, "Catch!"  He grinned and tossed the toasty clothes at his... boyfriend?

It sounded strange.. but good-strange.

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 1:05:33 PM

Too slow to react, Kili got hit by the hot clothes and he laughed surprised. "Mmmh, all warm and toasty~" He hummed pleased, hugging the clothes close to his chest.

"Do you mind if I go change in your room?"

eloquated6/17/2020, 1:11:34 PM

"Go ahead, I'll just wait down here."  Elladan waved him off and dropped onto the couch to wait.

Without Elladan there as a distraction, Kili could notice more about the room.  There was the usual mess of odds and ends, as well as a handful of photos in scattered frames-- mostly what looked like family and friends--.  A shiny gold Play button plaque was half hidden behind a precarious stack of books, and a little more camera equipment.

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 1:35:08 PM

Kili tried his best not to snoop around, but it was hard to miss the glint of gold in between the mess of books and what seemed to be parts of cameras. Absently tugging the shirt over his head, Kili crouched down to examine the weird shine more closely and could make out the words YouTube. Was it a project for YouTube? Or school?

He stood back up and struggled to get his jeans on, the warmth enveloping him like a hug and he smiled pleased before returning back to Elladan. "Thanks again for having me over. You really saved me."

eloquated6/17/2020, 1:38:54 PM

Elladan tossed his phone onto the coffee table when Kili returned, and padded over to drape his arms around his neck.  "Don't thank me. Just don't change your mind about this, before tomorrow, ok?"  He asked, his smile just a little rueful.

Maybe it was silly, because Kili obviously liked him.. but would it be the same when he got home and had time to think about it?  Sure, having his picture up there in class had been embarrassing, but he could ultimately brush it off... but this? This would mean outing them both.

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 1:43:54 PM

"of course not," Kili replied immediately, eyes widening a tad at the unexpected words. Why would Elladan even think that? Sure, this was new and there were... Obstacles, to put it lightly. But he wasn't regretting any of what they did.

"You have nothing to worry about," Kili promised hugging Elladan closer, burying his face against his shoulder. Their height different really became apparent when they both stood like this, and he kind of liked it.

"I'll text you when I get home."

eloquated6/17/2020, 1:48:56 PM

Elladan's eyes dropped closed and he pressed his face into Kili's black hair, letting his promise sink in. "You better. Otherwise Im going to worry that you got stuck out in this biblical flood."  

He felt so thin in Kili's arms, his whole body made of fine lines and light bones; but he was warm and real, and there was nothing hesitant in the way he squeezed him close.  "And it's only until tomorrow... we've gotta figure out this assignment, anyway." Which was a good distraction!

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 1:50:53 PM

"I'll try to remember not to comb my hair," Kili teased with a laugh, lifting his head up to press a light kiss on Elladan's lips before regretfully pulling away from the other. He really had to go, least he'd make his brother wait any longer.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he added as he began to put on his shoes.

eloquated6/17/2020, 1:57:34 PM

He tucked his hands behind his back to keep from reaching out to him again (Kili was right, they didn't have time to linger, not with his brother waiting).  "Yeah, tomorrow.  And I'll text you tonight."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 1:59:01 PM

"Yeah," Kili smiled, having to tear himself to wave and actually leave the apartment. The moment he stepped outside he was bombarded with the rain and he cursed as he ran to the waiting car before he'd get completely soaked once again.

"Well, my clothes were dry," he complained ruffling his hair.

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:05:34 PM

Fili smirked over at his brother, and teased a low whistle when he looked up at the apartment building, "So, who are you visiting in the rich people part of town?"  He countered, flicking the heat up a little higher so Kili wouldn't get a chill.

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:06:37 PM

"What do you mean the rich part of the town?" Kili asked confused, holding his fingers in front of the heater. The apartment hadn't seemed like a rich person's place; it was almost the same size as theirs, just a tad messier.

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:09:58 PM

Pulling away from the curb, Fili shrugged, "It's walking distance to the university- that means pricey.  Building with a pool and a gym-"  He jabbed a thumb to the sign outside, "Even more.  Close to the bus route, and the stores? Add extra.  Just because the building isn't fancy doesn't mean your friend isn't paying their tuition in rent."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:13:14 PM

"Honestly, didn't really see or think about all that," Kili shrugged, gazing out of the window at the disappearing building. "I was just thankful they had a dryer and hospitality to take me in for the day."

So, the twins most likely had money more than it seemed. The golden button started to make more sense then. Not that it mattered, he just hoped Elladan didn't think he wanted his attention for that money. Then again, Elladan didn't seem like the type to flaunt around with what he has.

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:14:32 PM

"So who are they?"  Fili gently cuffed his brother's shoulder to keep him from mentally wandering off, "This new friend of yours, you still didn't answer the question."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:15:36 PM

Kili huffed at the cuff, pushing at his brother's hand. "The twins, I don't know their last name. Elladan and.... The other name was similar but a bit harder to say."

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:17:14 PM

That sounded familiar...Fili might work in a shop during the day, but he did tattoos at night, and people talked. Besides, the name wasn't exactly common!  Still.. he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Guy from class, then?"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:19:01 PM

"Yeah, we share the photography class," Kili explained. "We paired up for the next project so we started to plan it while we waited for the clothes to dry."

Even if they did get rather... Distracted by it. At least he didn't have a mark to prove from it, unlike Elladan's neck that had the beautiful purplish bitemark.

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:20:47 PM

Fili had no reason to think his brother was hiding anything, so he simply nodded, "Makes sense...you want to swing by the drive-through on our way home?  I've got someone coming in tonight to get some work done, so I wont have time to cook."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:22:34 PM

"Sure thing," Kili replied, curiosity waking up. "What kind of work are you doing tonight and on who?"

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:24:40 PMEdited 6/17/2020, 3:00:41 PM

"Dwalin, he wants me to finish the rest of that head piece."  It was his creative outlet, but better, it helped pay more of the bills; and with Kili in university (where he damn well should be) Fili could use all the extra he could make.

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:26:10 PM

Kili nodded, pointing them towards their usual fast-food place. "So you'll be working close to the six hour limit again?"

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:27:12 PM

Fili shifted his weight a little, and rolled his shoulder slightly, "Maybe a little longer.  Depends how long it takes. He'll pay extra if I can get it done tonight."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:28:29 PM

Kili glanced at his brother at the movement, his brows furrowing a bit. It seemed like Fili had worked himself to the limit of soreness once again. "At least let me massage your shoulders after dinner, it'll make working a bit more pleasant."

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:30:43 PM

"... Yeah, alright.  Thanks."  He huffed a laugh and turned into the fast food place; he did his best to take care of his brother, but he'd never been much of a cook!  "It's been busy at the shop this week.  If it keeps up, I might have to hire someone part-time."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:32:44 PM

"No wonder! Your the best mechanic in the damn town," Kili grinned, ordering his usual through the com before turning back to his brother. "I could ask around the school, see if there's anyone on the mechanic line who wish to have some extra cash and experience."

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:34:45 PM

"Let me worry about that, you just focus on getting your ass through school, ok?"  Fili turned to his brother as they waited for the people in front of them to get their stuff, his expression turning more serious, "Do you hear me?  Just focus on your grades.. I'll deal with everything else."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:36:30 PM

Kili frowned at that. "But I've been seriously considering getting a part-time job," he admitted. He hated the fact that Fili was giving so much so they could live comfortably and wanted to help the best he could.

"I'm passing my classes, even those I'm absolutely horrible at. I'm doing well, better than well."

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:39:29 PM

"And if you get a job, that's going to change.  You do your work, and I'll sort out the money.  We can talk about changing that when you get out of school; but right now you've got enough to deal with."  And what good was being a big brother if he couldn't let Kili use his brilliant mind for something better than a daily druge?   "Got it, Killian?"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:41:40 PM

"No need to use the full name," Kili groaned, pouting his lips in return. "It doesn't feel fair," he complained. "I'm not doing anything that helps with the rent or bills and you're taking care of it all alone."

It wasn't the first time they discussed and argued about the matter, but the guilt kept eating Kili often and sometimes he simply had to let it out.

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:45:20 PM

Fili paid for the food and handed the bags to his brother, stealing a fry from the top.  "Older brother's prerogative."

He lapsed quiet for a moment as they drove, and finally added with a sigh, "I promised Mom I'd take care of you.  You don't have to like it, but that's what I intend to do."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:47:09 PM

"You dropped from school so you could care for me," Kili said quietly, staring at the bag on his lap. "You didn't accept a place in college, you just began working right away. Don't think I'm not thankful because I really, really am, but... I wish you'd let me do more."

eloquated6/17/2020, 2:53:06 PM

He'd had plans, but they'd changed. When their mother was alive, he'd desperately wanted to study music; to make a living with his violin. Which now sat on the shelf mostly, collecting dust. But none that had mattered in the end. He had his brother to take care of, and damnit, he was going to do it properly.  "You do plenty.  You just need to let me worry about those things for now."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 2:57:29 PM

Kili was silent for the rest of their ride home and he quietly collected the bag from his lap before getting out of the car. He was not a child anymore. He had already turned 18, which meant he was almost legaly an adult. Sure, he could not buy his own alcohol or smoke or anything like that, but he could get a decent job if he just searched.

But he couldn't do that behind his brother's back.

He just had to come up with something else.

"Come on then, let's eat and get those shoulders of yours back in order."

eloquated6/17/2020, 3:01:02 PM

"Now that's something you can definitely do." Fili shrugged off his jacket and held it over his brother's head as they darted from the car to the apartment, shivering when the rain went down the back of his neck. "After burgers, I'm starved."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 3:02:57 PM

As if on cue, Kili's stomach growled loudly and he laughed. "Same here," he agreed toying his shoes and jacket off, releasing a soft sigh as he walked in the kitchen to unpack their bag. The scent of the food made his mouth water and he hummed under his breath as he sat by the table and pulled his phone out.

Would it be too early to text Elladan already? They had just seen each other.

eloquated6/17/2020, 3:04:25 PM

Fili hung his coat by the door-- contrary to popular belief, their apartment didn't look like a frat house!-- and reached into the fridge to grab the mustard for his fries.  "So what were you and this Elladan doing all afternoon?"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 3:05:34 PM

"Discussing the project," Kili replied quickly-- perhaps too quickly. "We're supposed to practice photographing and modeling people, so we tried to come up with what we wanted to focus on."

eloquated6/17/2020, 3:06:38 PM

"Uh huh..."  Well that was definitely too fast.  Especially when the rushed reply came before his brother had taken a bite of his food. Hmm... "So he's going to model for you?  Think you can make it look good?"

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 3:07:49 PM

"Duh," Kili rolled his eyes and wiped the mayo from the corner of his lips. "I have one of the highest marks in the class, I know what I'm doing. Of course it helps that Elladan is rather photogenetic, so I think he doesn't need much help to look good in the photos."

eloquated6/17/2020, 3:10:03 PM

"So your assignment is to ogle pretty boys through a lens?  Sounds like just your kind of work!"  He smirked and stole one of Kili's fries before sinking down at the table, grateful to be home and off his feet for a few minutes!

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 3:11:57 PM

"Oh shut up," Kili replied flustered, dipping his fries in the pack of ketchup that came with the meal. "I'm just saying, it'll be an easy assigment. We have to focus on the whole person or then certain body parts and apparently he wants pictures of my hair of all things."

eloquated6/17/2020, 3:13:33 PM

"Must be crazy, then!"  Fili leaned over and tugged one of his brother's curls straight, before letting it spring back into place, "Either that, or he's got a crush on you.  Even if you got mom's curly mop."

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 3:15:43 PM

Kili nearly choked on his fry, coughing violently before hastily grabbing the cup of soda, swallowing greedily. He felt more and more flustered by the second and he waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "Or it's the easiest part to photograph."

eloquated6/17/2020, 3:23:01 PM

Bingo! “Breathe, Kili! Jesus...” He laughed, giving his brother a few thumps on the back, “Guess that answers my question about whether you like him, though!  Come on, spill.”

Mikilieth6/17/2020, 3:41:03 PM

"Can we not do this," Kili whined embarrassed, feeling as if his face was completely in flames. Count on his brother to find out so quick.

eloquated6/18/2020, 6:54:43 AM

Fili chuckled at his brother's flailing, bemused by the startling colour of his embarrassment, "What kind of brother would I be if I didn't? So!  Tell me about him, Kee; I already know you like him, but I'm a bit short on why."

Mikilieth6/18/2020, 9:58:32 AM

Kili groaned in defeat, burying his head in his hands. "He's just... Gorgeous," he admitted softly. "He's witty and funny and can keep up with my humor. Seems to even like it."

eloquated6/18/2020, 10:05:03 AM

It had always been a matter of time before Kili met someone, so it didn't really come as a surprise.  Fili nodded as he listened, chewing on his fries, "So, are you actually going to tell him?"

Mikilieth6/18/2020, 10:14:40 AM

Kili fumbled with his fries, his face turning even redder if possible. "... Maybe? I don't know," he circled the question.

eloquated6/19/2020, 8:46:22 AM

That was hardly an answer! Fili's smile faded a little, and he reached over to jostle his brother's shoulder, "Hey, you know you can talk to me, right?  Long as you're happy, I don't care."

Mikilieth6/19/2020, 8:49:01 AM

"I know," Kili mumbled embarrassed. "It's just... We're kind of aware we both like each other."

eloquated6/19/2020, 5:11:28 PM

Fili cocked an eyebrow in amusement, and leaned back in his chair, "No problem then.  I'm not going to give you a hard time, Kee."  Not today, anyway!

Mikilieth6/20/2020, 7:17:42 AM

"That's a lie and we both know it," Kili snorted before laughing, wiping his fingers in the napkins. "How about I buy your silence with one of my awesome massages?"

eloquated6/21/2020, 8:45:09 AM

Washing down his last bite with a swallow of soda, Fili nodded with a huff of laughter, "Thanks, Kee... I think even my knots have knots.  And Dwalin'll have my hide if I fuck up his head piece."

Mikilieth6/21/2020, 8:47:07 AM

"That one would be hard to cover," Kili agreed as he got up and circled around the table cracking his fingers. "You really need to allow yourself more breaks between work."

eloquated6/21/2020, 8:48:52 AM

"Then I need days with more hours in them."  Fili rubbed his hands over his face, trying to chase the tiredness away, "Don't worry, I'll get caught up, I always do."

Mikilieth6/21/2020, 8:49:43 AM

"Do you have time to nap before Dwalin arrives?" Kili asked concerned, laying his hands on his brother's shoulders and immediately wincing. "This feels horrible, you should take better care of yourself."

eloquated6/21/2020, 8:52:00 AM

Fili was stronger than he looked; he was hard and compact, and the muscles under Kili's hands were were locked and tense.  "Didn't I just tell you not to worry?"  He laughed, trying to loosen his shoulders with an ineffectual roll, "Nobody ever died of knots."

Mikilieth6/21/2020, 8:53:29 AM

"With your luck, you'll be the first case in history," Kili chuckled as he begun to work on the knots, kneading the muscles under his hands with practiced movements. It wasn't the first time he had helped Fili with his locks and it surely wouldn't be the last time either.

eloquated6/21/2020, 8:56:15 AM

"Don't jinx it... Im too busy to die."  He muttered around a groan. 

Kili hadn't been at it more than a few minutes when the door opened with a knock (Dwalin never had been the sort of wait for them to answer it!).  Dwalin towered over the two, and dropped into the chair on the other side of the table.

Mikilieth6/21/2020, 8:57:41 AM

"You're gonna have to wait till I'm done with my brother before he gets to work on your head," Kili stated as a greeting, feeling one of the knots pop under his fingers. "Least you want shaky lines, heard  those are in right now."

eloquated6/21/2020, 8:59:34 AM

Dwalin frowned and slouched back in his chair with a grumble, making a show of looking at the clock over the stove.

"You're almost an hour early."  Fili pointed out without opening his eyes, feeling the hot release of the trigger points, "And Kee's right, you don't want fucked lines."

Mikilieth6/21/2020, 9:02:05 AM

Good, that meant he had more than enough time to work Fili's back into a better condition. He was silent as he worked, unknotting the muscles part by part until he could feel the heat of the blood warming the skin. "Drink some water, it's important so you won't feel faint from the blood rushing to your head."

eloquated6/21/2020, 9:03:54 AM

"Since when he did turn into your mother?" Dwalin asked with a gruff note, arms crossed over his chest.

"I will." Fili promised, and finally cracked open an eye to give their friend a flat look, "Watch it, or I'm going to ink Hello Kitty on your head."

Mikilieth6/21/2020, 9:05:09 AM

"Please ink a hidden message in his scalp that states he's just a big bully," Kili requested with a huff. Dwalin was and sometimes seemed like he didn't care about others, but he knew it was just a shell. In reality, Dwalin was a huge softie with a soft spot for the brothers.

eloquated6/28/2020, 8:07:13 PM

Dwalin rolled his eyes at Fili's laughter, but in short order the two of them were getting ready to start the tattoo.  It was a dramatic piece, and Fili was rightfully proud of it.

Back at his apartment, Elladan tried to work on some video editing, but found his attention drawn back to Kili distractedly.  It all seemed a little surreal, if he was being honest-- half of him expected to find out he'd imagined it all!

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 8:43:59 PM

Was it too soon to text Elladan? Probably, but a part of him didn't care as he laid down on his bed and pulled his phone to his chest, hesitating for a short moment before typing out his message.

"Is this the moment I'll ask what you're wearing?"

eloquated6/28/2020, 8:46:38 PM

Elladan jumped when his phone chimed beside him, Kili's name flashing up on the screen.  "Jesus.." He muttered, heart beating fast as he fished his phone up from the blankets.

< I'm pretty sure the correct answer is something sexy.>

< But actually just the same stuff as earlier, plus an extra coffee stain because I tried to carry too many things at once.>

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 8:59:50 PM

The response made Kili laugh and he rolled over on his back.

< Mh, well you looked good in those clothes so I think I can forgive a stain or two. >

eloquated6/28/2020, 9:03:46 PM

Unaware that Kili was doing the same thing, Elladan pushed his laptop to the side, before stretching out on his back and smiling up at his phone.  So, not his imagination, then.  Good.

< I was actually trying to get some work done.  But surprise surprise, I kept getting distracted by thoughts of you. >

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 9:17:50 PM

Kili bit on his lip and grinned, feeling like a giddy teenager. Thank god no one could see him now.

< oh, sounds saucy! What kind of thoughts? >

eloquated6/28/2020, 9:20:37 PM

< Less saucy, more embarrassing! >

Elladan thumbed the edge of his phone nervously, before giving himself a mental kick and adding:

< Mostly hoping this afternoon wasn't my imagination. >

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 9:37:38 PM

< it wasn't. >

The response was almost immediate, and Kili smiled to himself. It felt relieving to know he wasn't the only one uncertain of they could talk of what they've done.

< I'd like to have more days like that. Minus the rain. >

eloquated6/28/2020, 9:42:57 PM

< If you say things like that, I'm going to turn totally mushy on you. >

Alright, more accurately he already was-- but at least he was resisting the urge to say it!  Swinging his feet over the side of the bed, Elladan absently paced around; restless and all butterflies, slowly cleaning his room just for something to occupy his hands.

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 9:46:23 PM

< And how is that a bad thing? >

He could picture Elladan's flushed face in his mind and grinned, fingers tapping on the edge of his phone. The taller man was so adorable with his flushed cheeks and wide eyes, and that just reminded him of how he had looked earlier that day during their sudden making out and--

< BTW, what did you brother think about your necklace? I think purple really suit you. >

eloquated6/28/2020, 9:50:47 PMEdited 6/28/2020, 9:50:52 PM

< You're such a smug jerk, you know that?  xoxo >

Elladan refused to look in the mirror as he passed, kicking a few things in the general direction of the closet.  He knew he was blushing, and he was distracted enough!

< He asked if you were worried you wouldn't be able to tell us apart, so you decided to brand me. >

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 9:52:43 PM

< He has a point! Wouldn't want to accidentally smooch him! >

Of course he had to tease the other a bit, since Elladan basically kept giving him ammunition for it.

< I'm allowed to be smug because I'm the reason you made those pretty noises ~>

eloquated6/28/2020, 10:02:01 PM

< Hopefully one twin is enough for you!  I love Ro, but I don't know if I want to share my boyfriend with him. >

He hit send and stopped, looking down at his screen for a long, perplexed moment.

< That's the first time I've written that.  Feels weird. >

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 10:04:07 PM

Boyfriend?

In any other situation those words would have made him balk and feel uncomfortable, but now he realized his heart was practically leaping in his chest and he could feel his own skin burn.

He hesitated with his response, but the anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach made his fingers send the question. 

< Bad kind of weird? >

eloquated6/28/2020, 10:07:27 PM

< Not bad at all! >

He texted back quickly, before Kili could get the wrong idea.  Ignoring the fact that he was sure he was blushing (because if Ro noticed, he'd be amazed) Elladan padded down to the kitchen to make a new cup of coffee. 

< Just sort of... wow.  Ok. Exciting.  But also, seriously don't want to screw it up.>

Mikilieth6/28/2020, 10:08:52 PM

Kili released a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. "Way to scare me," he chuckled quietly.

< I know what you mean. It feels so new and fragile and I don't want to mess anything up. >

eloquated6/28/2020, 10:26:47 PM

< That makes two of us. But it's probably a good place to start, right? >

Not that he had any experience in the matter!  People tended to be drawn to Elrohir, who was the more outgoing twin.

< How am I supposed to take your picture tomorrow?  I don't think I'll be able to keep my hands off you.  And I'm pretty sure those aren't the kind of pictures we want to send the professor!>

Mikilieth6/29/2020, 12:55:48 PM

< We can take breaks so we can make out like the teenagers we still technically are.>

The thought made Kili's stomach flip.

< We could make a game out of it. >

eloquated6/29/2020, 5:58:13 PM

< A game?  What sort of a game? >

Just the idea of taking a break from his work to make out sounded both silly, and incredibly tempting... more the latter,if he was being honest!

Mikilieth6/29/2020, 6:03:32 PM

< Simple, we see which one of us has more self control while we take those pictures. Of course, the one being photographed would do their best to make the others concentration snap. >

eloquated6/29/2020, 6:05:44 PM

< You know, that sounds like the kind of game I wouldn't mind losing.  But it might be the only way we get anything done tomorrow!  At least if it's a challenge, I won't be completely putty in your hands.>

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 10:52:58 AM

< Exactly. I'm very competitive and not willing to lose. >

At least, he'd try not to. But Elladan was proving to be quite the distraction.

eloquated7/1/2020, 10:57:15 AMEdited 7/1/2020, 10:57:22 AM

Elladan tried to picture what Kili might be doing at that moment, but without an idea of what his apartment looked like, the image was vague and blurry.  Probably best not to fantasize anyway, not if he wanted to get anything done tonight!

< Now I just have to figure out which three parts of you I want to photograph. And how!  I have to make you look good, since you've already exhibited a picture of me! 😛 >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:00:41 AM

Kili grinned in response, fingers flying over the keyboard.

< Just remember that the pictures  have to be pg 13! If you want another kind of picture, I'll be the one sending it to you ;p >

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:02:51 AM

"Fuck..."  Elladan exhaled when he looked down at the screen, feeling a little warmer.

< And there goes my ability to get anything done tonight!  Or potentially ever again. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:06:30 AM

The response pulled a laugh from Kili's lips and he felt oddly flattered, his cheeks warming up a bit.

< Oh? Then just maybe I'll have an upper hand tomorrow~ after all, it was so easy to make a mess out of you today! >

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:10:00 AM

This was definitely not a conversation to have in the middle of the kitchen! With a goodnight to his brother,Elladan retreated back to his room,distractedly thumbing back a text.

< If being a mess means you can't keep your hands off me?  I volunteer as tribute! >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:12:02 AM

< And now I am thinking very improper thoughts, thanks for that. >

He groaned pressing the phone against his forehead, willing himself to count to twenty.

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:16:33 AM

Elladan knew he should behave; after all, this was new and he didn't want to screw it up. But making Kili distractedly hot was... really, really tempting.

< New rule : You can't say that without giving me the details! >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:21:12 AM

Kili's face flushed further and he nibbled at his lip anxiously. Perhaps it would be stupidly soon to discuss such things already, but for Christ's sake they had barely kept their hands to themselves earlier. It was clear there was mutual chemistry and want between them.

< Just thinking about all the ways I could distract you tomorrow. >

He sent the first message, wondering how to word the following one.

< If you'll blush as prettily if I am to bite your ear when correcting the position for the picture, or if you'll bite back a gasp if I am to accidentally brush my leg between yours. >

There, that was good, right? It wasn't super vulgar but clear to the point and hopefully not enough to scare Elladan.

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:25:41 AM

In truth, Elladan hadn't expected him to reply, not like that-- not with actual details that made him feel flushed and wanting.  With thud he dropped onto his bed, reading the messages a few times before he realized he had to actually reply.

< Fuck >  

Said the first, his thumb accidentally hitting the send button in his haste.

< I'm pretty sure I'll still be blushing tomorrow. >

< Do you have any idea how much I want to see you right now?  I knew I'd miss you tonight, but this is crazy. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:30:28 AM

The short response was enough to make Kili cackle, having to silence it against his pillow even if he was sure Fili would not hear him over the sound of the tattoo machine.

< Well I can help with that! >

Feeling coy and rather playful, Kili lifted his phone up and took a quick picture. His dark curls were framing his head wildly, his face still a light color of red and lips grinning at the camera. He sent it fast, before he could think twice.

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:35:11 AMEdited 7/1/2020, 11:35:18 AM

The picture felt a bit like being sucker punched, Elladan's heart quickening at the glittering, mischievous eyes and the curve of his mouth.  

< Again I say.. fuck. >

< How did I not notice you in class before? You're gorgeous, and I want to kiss you so badly right now. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:38:00 AM

< You sat behind me. >

The reply was cheery and teasing, and Kili smiled dopedly to himself. Just reading those words, the reaction he got from the other sent his heart stuttering.

< Just the night between our reunion. >

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:39:52 AM

< You send me pictures like that, and want me to be patient until tomorrow? >

< Cruel, wicked, teasing you! >

Elladan knew he was grinning like an idiot, but there was nobody else to see... Nobody to laugh at him!

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:43:47 AM

< And what are you going to do about it? >

It was a teasing taunt, and he has to rub his own cheek as it was starting to ache from the continuous grinning.

< It could have been a completely different kind of a picture, I think that would have been a proper tease. >

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:47:09 AM

Never let it be said that Elladan backed down from a tease!  And over the last few years he'd spent a lot of time on camera; so before he could second guess himself, he flipped up the hem of his shirt and hooked his thumb in the waist of his jeans, dragging down the material playfully.

< I haven't decided yet. > 

He texted back,sending the picture with it.

< I'll decide when I'm less distracted. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:51:10 AM

The phone slipped from his fingers and hit him square on the face. He scrambled to get a hold of it, drinking in the picture greedily.

< Fucking hell. >

He licked his lips, feeling his mouth dry up.

< Fucking... Are you trying to kill me? >

< I want to bite that piece of skin over your hip bone. >

eloquated7/1/2020, 11:54:55 AM

That was so much better than any reaction he'd dared to hope for.  It felt a bit like playing with fire, but the chemistry ran quick and hot between them, undiminished by distance.

< Not kill you.  Reminding you why tomorrow seems unfairly far away! >

< And if you keep making comments like that, I'm going to need a cold shower. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 11:59:09 AM

< Two can play that game. >

He wasn't going to let Elladan get the upper hand, he was too competitive and stubborn to go down without a fight. A quick change of position had him on his knees, the hem of his shirt between his teeth, his other hand in middle of undoing to the button of his jeans.

He sent the picture, followed by

< You're not the only one who can tease. >

eloquated7/1/2020, 12:09:50 PM

Elladan's mouth went suddenly dry when he opened the message, blood rushing south.  It was a small miracle that he didn't drop his phone right off the side of the bed, but it was a near thing!

< I'm not sure if this is a game we both win, or both lose. >

< But fuck... >

< I was supposed to be getting some work done tonight, and that's definitely not happening now. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 12:12:31 PM

< I'm not even sorry. >

< And like you're actually complaining. >

Victory. At least for the moment.

eloquated7/1/2020, 12:34:57 PM

< I'm not complaining! Definitely not complaining. >

< You just make it hard to think when you send pictures like that. >

Elladan toyed with the edge of his phone case for a moment, before gathering up his nerve and adding:

< I'm not used to wanting someone this much, or so suddenly.  It's amazing, but sort of overwhelming. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 12:37:04 PM

< Come on Ell, you're making this too easy for me. I mean thinking isn't the only thing I'm making hard for you, am I right? >

He snickered, a soft smile spreading on his lips.

< But I know what you mean. I'm kind of scared about how easy this is with you and I like it a lot. >

eloquated7/1/2020, 12:44:41 PM

< You'll have to find out for yourself tomorrow!  I cant make it that easy! >

Curling onto his side, Elladan propped his phone against his pillow, occasionally glancing back at the photos Kili had sent him.  

< I keep telling myself there's no reason to rush, cause I don't want to freak you out. >

Mikilieth7/1/2020, 12:46:41 PM

< you're not freaking me out. I promise. >

He understood Elladan's concern, for he thought about the same things.

< At the same time I want to be careful and yet also find out absolutely everything about you in every way. >

eloquated7/1/2020, 1:04:41 PM

< I don't have anything to hide!  Maybe we should ask questions since we can't be together tonight? >

< Cause I think we're going to be distracted tomorrow! >

Mikilieth7/7/2020, 6:44:59 AM

< Alright sounds like fun! What kind of questions are we talk about though? Wouldn't want to misunderstand anything. >

eloquated7/7/2020, 9:16:57 AM

Elladan stretched out on his bed, passing his phone from one hand to the other while he read. 

< You can ask me anything, I don't really have any big secrets. >

Mikilieth7/7/2020, 9:21:26 AM

Kili thought for a moment.

< What do you enjoy to do during your spare time? Aside from daydreaming in the forest. >

eloquated7/7/2020, 9:23:26 AM

< I have a yt channel with my brother, that takes up most of my spare time!  We're usually filming or editing.  Which was what I was supposed to be doing tonight! >

Elladan added a silly little emoji to the end, and considered his response.

< Have you told your brother about us yet? >

Mikilieth7/7/2020, 9:25:16 AM

Oh, that certainly explained the gold button he had seen! But wait, wasn't that like... An award, in YouTube community?

< He kind of guessed that something was going on but I didn't tell him everything yet. >

< Are you guys any good doing videos? Maybe I should search for you guys then. >

eloquated7/7/2020, 9:29:47 AM

< Same with Ro, I'll tell him later but right now he's pretty focused on other stuff. >

Well that was a more difficult question!  Elladan thumbed the edge of his phone; he wasn't embarrassed that he'd mentioned it, but what if Kili thought it was all silly?  Elladan knew it was, but it was still something he worked hard at!

< Well enough!  It pays the bills, and it's more fun than mopping floors for a living! >

Mikilieth7/7/2020, 9:33:11 AM

They were good enough to get actual monet from it? Christ, he had a feeling Elladan was selling himself short. He definitely had to look them up now!

< So is that why you picked up your current major? Wanting to learn more? >

eloquated7/7/2020, 9:34:56 AM

< Pretty much!  It started as a high school film project, and we had so much fun we started making our own.  Originally I was going to be an english major, do script writing or something, but I like this more. >

< What about you? Why'd you take this? >

Mikilieth7/7/2020, 9:43:19 AM

< I've always enjoyed photography. I started when I was young with one of those old film cameras. I wanted to capture the world as I saw it, show beauty and joy when everything in the world seems to go to shit. >

eloquated7/7/2020, 9:45:16 AM

< Wow... Yeah, you win, that's a pretty awesome answer. >

<So, is it just you and your brother?  I've got a little sister, too, but she's back with my dad. >

Mikilieth7/7/2020, 9:52:49 AM

Kili smiled ruefully. He knew the question had to come at some point.

< Our parents passed when I was a child. It's been just us ever since, as Fili took me under his wing so I wouldn't be taken to a foster home. It's a long story but that's why Fili freaks out when there's a huge storm and I'm not home. >

eloquated7/7/2020, 10:46:33 AM

In retrospect, that made so much sense.  Elladan sighed and tucked one arm behind his head, trying to wrap his head around what that would be like. 

< Damn... I'll remember that.  But at least you've still got each other. >

Mikilieth7/7/2020, 10:49:03 AM

< I owe him a lot. >

< Anyway, what's your sister like? >

eloquated7/7/2020, 10:50:56 AM

< Arwen?  I haven't seen her since last summer, but she's alright.  She's thirteen, and my dad's favourite, mostly because she's the only one still at home!  Plus, baby of the family. >

Mikilieth7/13/2020, 11:30:18 AM

< Well she's the youngest and also a girl with two big brothers, of course she's the baby. >

< It's starting to get late but I really don't want to stop talking with you. >

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (23/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: I wrote this entire story in some kind of pregnancy-fueled Mexican-food-craving haze, and I didn’t realize just how much time was between some certain big plot points until I was proof-reading this. That said, I’m not changing any of that and am literally impatient to share all of the upcoming chapters with you wonderful people! @resident-of-storybrooke​ has assured me that they’re actually good. lol. Not entirely sure that I trust her 😉

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 |

Tag list:  @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury​ @superchocovian​ @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings​ 

-/-

I need your post-series comparison report by nine this morning.

You were late with it last time, and that made me late with my report. This is why you should probably stick to on-air reporting instead of continuing to write articles when we have people for that.

W.O.

“Asshole,” Emma mutters to herself after reading that blatantly condescending email from Walsh.

She’s been in the office for approximately fifteen minutes, most likely a little less than that, and the first thing that Emma saw after logging into her computer was an email from Walsh about her report on the difference between playing at home and away, specifically when it comes to playing the Red Sox. Two weeks ago, the Yankees lost every single game they played in Boston, especially that epic game where they lost 3-17 the night Killian was the starting pitcher, and then over the last four days, they’ve won every game while in New York.

Home team advantage taking on a whole new meaning because it is seriously in play this year.

And Emma doesn’t want to get too excited, doesn’t want to get too ahead of herself because anything can happen for the rest of the season, but only a month and a half of the regular season is left and there’s no way the Yankees aren’t making the playoffs. Once they get there, who knows if they’ll make it to the Series?

There’s a chance, though, and that’s all that matters.

As a fan, she’s excited. As Killian’s girlfriend and a reporter for the team, she’s over the freaking moon. It would be insane for them to back it up, but she’s got to slow her roll.

Slow her roll and send Walsh this report so that she doesn’t have to deal with him anymore today. Working with her ex is fine since it’s not an everyday thing, only an office day thing, but the man has got to get the stick out of his ass. He cheated on her, belittled her out of jealousy for her success in her job, and yet he acts like it’s an inconvenience for them to have to spend a miniscule amount of time together. He’s probably sitting at his desk thinking of ways to torture her while drinking a giant bottle of Mountain Dew. She always hated that he did that. He could have at least had the diet version instead of consuming all of that extra sugar.

But whatever. It doesn’t matter. None of it does.

Ruth: Do you think you’d like to come to Portland in October? Or maybe sometime before Thanksgiving? I was thinking you could bring your boyfriend so that I can meet him.

Emma reads the text, but she doesn’t answer it quite yet. She needs time to look at her calendar and have time to ask Killian if he wants to go. Hell, she needs time to figure out if that’s what she even wants because, wow, bringing a boyfriend home is not something she’s ever done. Neal literally never wanted to come home with her, never wanted to go to David’s, never wanted to do anything that wasn’t in his control, and Walsh was just…

Shit. She needs to email him now and stop letting her mind go down this path.

Today is a good day. Nothing is going to ruin it. If she repeats that enough times it’s sure to come true.

“Oh my God,” Ruby groans as she steps into Emma’s office, barely able to squeeze in past the chair that’s keeping the door open before sitting in it, “I am ready for this season to be over. Why is it always so jam-packed? Do people really need to watch this much baseball? There are so many damn games.”

“Nope. They really don’t.”

“I feel like you should not be able to say that because of your job and the fact that your boyfriend is a freaking baseball player.”

“Rubes,” Emma hisses, twisting in her chair and looking out the small glass window in her office, “shut up.”

Ruby’s eyes widen, her hands immediately going to cover her mouth, and that might be the fastest Ruby has ever stopped talking in the entirety of her life.

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologizes before getting up from the chair and moving it so that she can shut the door behind her. Damn this small office. “I didn’t even think about it.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like you have a giant poster saying that I’m dating him. There are just a lot of people constantly walking by this door, so we can’t really talk about it with the door open.”

“My lips are sealed. Also, are you ever going to get a bigger office?”

“I don’t even know why I have an office. Like, honestly. I keep waiting for them to realize that I don’t need it and to give it away to someone who works here more than once a week. Then I could do all of this stuff from home.”

“That is the life. Though, I think you would probably never put on real pants again.”

“Yoga pants are real pants, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on.”

“Whatever,” Ruby yawns, covering her mouth with her hands. “I’m ready to go home already. Do you think we have time to go home before the game?”

“Considering we have to get out to the stadium in less than an hour and I still have to finish this report for Walsh, I’m thinking not.”

“Ugh,” Ruby groans, propping her feet up against the walls like she owns the place, “why does he continue to exist? Can’t he go work in another department or something?”

“I imagine,” Emma sighs, twisting back in her chair to actually get work done on the report, “that he stays simply to annoy me, but I tend not to think about him too much.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because you’re getting fucked much better now.”

Emma huffs. “Why are you the way that you are?”

“You know, I think it comes from being raised by my grandmother instead of my mother, and I –”

“Rhetorical question,” Emma hums, pulling up her file with her notes from the last few games up so that she can fill the last bit of information in while they talk. “So, Ruth has asked me if I want to bring Killian to Portland.”

“I thought you just said that we couldn’t say his name.”

“We can’t yell it with the door open. We can say it quietly in here.”

“Gotcha, gotcha,” Ruby sighs as Emma keeps working. “How do you feel about the boyfriend going home to meet Ruth? That’s kind of a big step. I mean, he’s already met David and Mary Margaret, but that’s different. They’re more like friends than anything else.”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that.”

“This is, like, ‘I see a future with you and want everyone I love to love you’ kind of stuff.”

“Are you trying to freak me out?”

“Only a little. I could have brought up marriage and babies, but I figured that would have you jumping through the ceiling to escape the conversation.”

Emma’s heart kind of feels like it’s going to jump through the ceiling of this conversation. Why did she even bring this up? Probably because she does actually want to talk about it, and Ruby will be the most honest with her because she doesn’t seem to have any kind of filter in that wonderful brain of hers.

‘Yeah, let’s avoid the marriage and babies stuff.”

“Okay, so barring those things,” Ruby sighs, getting up from the chair to perch herself on the edge of Emma’s desk so Emma can actually see her while talking, “how do you feel about this? I know you love Killian because you guys are ridiculously adorable together, which makes me happy for you even if I sometimes find it disgusting, but I also know that you like to freak out about relationship stuff.”

“I’m…” Emma rolls back in her chair and tilts her head up to look at Ruby while she tugs her bottom lip with her teeth. “I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, really, because Killian has met everyone else and we do travel pretty often together. But that’s for work, you know? This is…this is moving forward in a way.”

“That’s a good thing, hon. People in good relationships move forward. Graham and I dated for awhile, then moved in together, even if you do live with us because rent is ridiculous, and then one day we’re going to get married. When you love someonesomeone,who is good to you, that’s what you do, even if every relationship roadmap is different with different destinations. It’s scary as hell, but sometimes you’ve got to do scary shit.”

Sometimes you’ve got to do scary shit.

“You sounded really philosophical until you got to the end there.”

“Eh,” she scoffs, flipping her hair over her shoulders, “I think all great philosophers should talk like me. It’s real. Good advice doesn’t have to be poetic. It’s just got to be good.”

Emma hums in response, crossing her legs over each other and readjusting her position while she thinks over everything that Ruby has just said. “So, you think I should talk to Killian about it and then text Ruth back?”

“That’s exactly what you should do. And then you should finish this damn report, send it to your asshole ex with a picture of a middle finger attached, and then we should get something to eat on the way to the stadium.”

-/-

The Yankees win an easy game against the Orioles that afternoon, as they usually do, and it’s a smooth day at the office for all involved. Killian is particularly cheeky in his post-game interview, he and Will bantering off each other, and Emma has to bite her tongue to keep herself from telling Killian that she loves him live on-air.

Talk about a disaster waiting to happen there.

-/-

“Darling, can you get me a napkin?”

“Get it yourself, Jones.”

“Emma is literally standing in the kitchen.”

“You are a big boy. You can get your napkin yourself.”

“You just asked her to bring you a glass of water.”

“That is different.”

Emma rolls her eyes at Ruby and Killian bickering with each other. It’s honestly how they talk. Emma doesn’t think that they’re capable of speaking in normal terms, and as obnoxious as it can be, it’s kind of hilarious. Those two are pretty much a friendship made in heaven because of their wit and ability to make anything a dirty joke, but it results in a hell of a lot of bantering.

Or bickering.

Emma’s not sure which one, but if the look on Graham’s face is any indication, it’s a combination of both.

“We’re going to have to stop allowing them to spend time with each other, aren’t we?” Graham asks as he reaches over her to grab a napkin that the restaurant provided them with when they ordered take-out. “I think they might kill each other.”

“Eh, it might just be the natural progression of things.”

“True. Might as well just let it happen.”

“I can hear the two of you,” Ruby huffs, leaning over from the couch so that she can get a handful of chips out of the bowl before standing and walking to the kitchen, “and it’s totally not cool that you’d just let the two of us die. You are supposed to love us.”

“To be fair, I just met Killian, so I’m not sure that we love each other quite yet,” Graham teases.

Killian winks, the biggest smirk stretching across his lips, and it makes Emma’s stomach flutter. “Give it time. I’m irresistible. Ask Emma.”

“He’s not,” Emma sighs, taking the napkins out of Graham’s hands and walking them the few feet over to Killian before sitting down next to him on the couch, plucking a chip from his plate instead of the bowl. “He pretty much had to beg me to get me to date him.”

“Um, no, you definitely asked me out, Swan.”

“Only because you wouldn’t ask me out.”

“We have talked about this,” Killian breathes, scooping up a forkful of his rice. “And besides, it’s a moot point now.”

“Maybe. Are you going to eat the rest of your queso?”

Killian hands her his bowl in answer. Him watching his eating habits more carefully is quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to her even if she has to cut down on the pop-tarts in the morning. That’s probably for the best. She’d rather waste her calories on things like queso and grilled cheese. Killian has learned to make a really good grilled cheese sandwich, and that may be the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her.

Obviously she has some really high (low) standards, but it’s the little things.

Cheese is the way to a woman’s heart. At least to hers. There are some crazy people out there who don’t like cheese.

Crazy.

“Why didn’t we get margaritas with our food again?” Ruby asks as she and Graham both settle back into the living room. They barely have enough room for the three people who live here, let alone four. “I really want a margarita.”

“We’ve got an eleven o’clock game tomorrow.”

“You two do. I don’t.”

Emma reaches to the side to slap Killian’s shoulder, nearly spilling her queso dip, and what a tragedy that would be. “You have training.”

“Not at eleven in the morning.”

“Poor people having to wake up and be at work before nine in the morning to start work at eleven. However do all of you live?”

Everyone’s eyes move toward Graham, evil stares likely there, and instead of backing away, he shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite of his taco, completely unbothered.

“Shut up and eat your tacos, babe.”

He holds up the taco he just took a bite out of. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Killian chuckles beside her, lifting his arm over Emma’s shoulder so that she can lean into him and into his warmth. “And you say Ruby and I bicker.”

“I’m starting to think maybe it’s Ruby that’s the problem.”

“I,” Ruby scoffs, reaching forward to grab the remote to turn the TV on, “am picking the movie we watch tonight because all of you are assholes, and I deserve this.”

They watch Pride and Prejudice because it’s the first thing Ruby finds on TV, something that Emma definitely isn’t going to complain about. She’s usually not one for period romances, most of them a little too damsel in distress with no backbone for her, but this is one that she can appreciate. Plus, Keira Knightly is pretty much the greatest at being in movies that aren’t modern. The woman wouldn’t know how to act in a movie where cell phones exists.

(Okay, maybe she would, but that’s entirely beside the point.)

Ruby and Graham go to bed before the movie is even over, Ruby falling asleep on the couch with chip crumbs on her shirt, and Graham has to coax her into getting up, telling her that she’s not going to be able to move her neck in the morning if she doesn’t move. Ruby pretty much tells him to fuck off in that charming way that she has, but she does get up, slowly wandering back down the hallway to their bedroom until the door shuts behind her.

She and Killian manage to make it until the end, and even though she’s been up since early this morning and spent so much time outside, Emma’s not tired. She’s not tired as she and Killian move to clean up their food, wrapping up the leftovers and putting them in the fridge, before moving back to her own bedroom so that they can go through their routines to get ready for bed. Emma kind of feels like they’ve been spending most of their nights together even though she knows that it’s not true. It’s been two or three times a week, mostly depending on her schedule or Killian’s game schedule, and it’s not something they ever really plan.

But she likes having him here or likes being over at his place, even though she isn’t the best at sharing the comforter or not sprawling out in the middle of the bed, and it’s a nice thing to get to have someone to spend time with like this.

Today has been a good day.

Killian is in bed before her, the white of her comforter pulled up over his lap to cover his sweatpants, and instead of getting under the covers herself, Emma moves to straddle his lap, placing her knees on either side of his thighs while her hand plays with the chain around his neck, moving the cool metal back and forth in her palm.

Killian arches his right brow at her, that side of his lips tugging up to, and it makes her laugh before she places her hands on his bare shoulders all the while Killian reaches up to tuck her loose strands of hair behind her ear, thumb running across her cheekbone in a gentle motion.

His eyes could not possibly be more blue.

“What is it that you think you’re doing, Swan?”

“What do you mean?”

A low hum comes from Killian as the hand that’s not caressing her cheek moves to her waist, snaking up underneath her t-shirt to rest against the bare skin of her stomach.

“This position isn’t exactly indicative of us going to bed.”

“Is it not?” Emma teases, dipping her head down to press her lips to the tip of his nose. “Because I’m very comfortable right now.”

She does a pointed roll of her hips and revels in the way that Killian’s eyes shut at the movement.

“I think the queso is getting to that head of yours.”

Emma shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Definitely.”

And then Killian is tugging her closer and moving his lips over hers, soft and slow and completely and utterly thorough while his hand tangles into her hair, fingers pulling at the strands, and her hands move from his shoulders to his neck, holding him steady. He tastes like her toothpaste, far too minty, and his skin smells like the soap she keeps next to her sink that definitely should not be used for skincare. It’s weirdly refreshing for him to smell like her things, if not a little overwhelming. Last week she used Killian’s bodywash when she was at his place because she didn’t have any of her own, and while she used to be entirely attracted to the smell, carrying it around on her all day was far too overwhelming.

How do men live smelling that strongly of some kind of Irish spring or mountain brook?

That’s not how either of those things smell either. Or, at least, she thinks.

But that’s entirely beside the point when shivers are spreading across her body at the feeling of Killian’s tongue moving inside her mouth. It’s warm and wet against hers, the feeling that same high that she always seems to be chasing with him, and her fingers inch up his neck to curl into the thick strands of his hair while she groans.

“Bloody hell do I love that sound.”

Heat immediately rises to her cheeks, but it’s also curling between her thighs at the heady sound of Killian’s voice and the demanding pressure of his kiss as his legs shift beneath them to move the two of them until Emma’s back is pressed against the mattress and Killian is hovering over her, his lips trailing across the expanse of skin at her neck that has the simmering heat between them continuing all the while Emma tries to catch her breath.

Every time she thinks she’s got it back, though, Killian nips at her collarbone or nibbles on her ear, and it all evaporates into thin air.

“Oh fuck,” Killian grunts, and Emma takes it as an invitation to trace her nails along his back, pressing her hips up to his to get a little more friction. “No, love, fuck.”

Her eyes snap to him at the more pained exasperation in his voice, and it’s then that Emma realizes that he’s stopped kissing her neck and has his forehead pressed there instead, his body not moving over hers.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“My,” he grits, his voice dark but not in the way that she wants it to be, “leg is fucking cramping.”

Emma doesn’t mean to, not really, but the laugh bubbles from deep within her belly until it’s passing through her lips and she can’t contain herself. It’s not really even funny. Cramps and weird noises and all of that jazz are as normal as can be during sex – don’t even get her started on lock jaw – but it’s usually not when they’ve only been making out for five minutes. This is some kind of new record.

“I’m glad you’re so amused by my pain, love.”

“No, no,” she laughs, wishing that she hadn’t but still not able to stop herself, “I promise you I’m not.”

“Then what the bloody hell are you laughing at?”

“Your pain.”

Killian groans before rolling off of her, the loss of his body heat immediate, and she watches as his arm reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose, his eyes still shut so tightly that those little crinkles have shown up around his skin. It’s adorable even if he’d probably like to chop his leg off right now.

“I hate you.”

“That is entirely untrue,” Emma sighs, leaning down to brush her lips over his cheek before moving across the mattress so that she can grab onto Killian’s leg and rest his calf on her lap, fingers digging into the flesh to start to massage it. “I have it on good authority that you love me in spite of all of the weird things about me like the fact that I laugh at your cramps.”

Killian’s hand moves from his face until his arm is flopping against the mattress in what has to be the most dramatic fashion in the world. “That’s probably the least weird thing about you.”

“Oh yeah? What’s the weirdest?”

Killian props himself up on his elbows, his eyes obviously taking her in as he thinks, and she squeezes his calf a little bit too hard in response. “You put too much creamer in your coffee.”

“That’s a cop out answer.”

“Nope. It’s my honest to God answer, love. That is the weirdest thing about you.”

“The weirdest thing about you is the fact that you organize your t-shirts by year that you got them instead of color or putting your favorites up front.”

“I don’t believe I asked for your opinion on that.”

“No,” Emma shrugs, squeezing his calf where she can see the muscles twitching, “you didn’t, but I thought I’d give you my opinion anyways since you’re not being honest with me about what you find weird about me.”

Killian rolls his eyes before falling back down to the mattress, strands of hair falling over his forehead. “You have too many blankets. It’s not…I mean, you do a million little things that are different or quirky, but I don’t find any of them weird. Not really. But you collect a hell of a lot of blankets. You’ve probably spent thousands of dollars on them. I swear, you’ve brought a different blanket on every road trip we’ve had this year.”

“That is not weird.”

“Neither is my t-shirt thing.”

“Agree to disagree,” she sighs, pulling a pillow behind her back so that she’s not hunching over. “And you have never complained about having use of one of my blankets before.”

“Nor you my t-shirts.”

“This is true.” Emma keeps working at Killian’s calf, feeling the muscled skin under her fingertips, and she figures now might be the time to talk to him about Ruth. It’s not like he can run away. Well, he could, but she could probably run faster than him now. “So, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Killian’s body stiffens. “And you saved it for when I can’t run away?”

Great minds think alike.

“Yes, because I knew you were going to cramp while we were making out.”

She rolls her eyes but still smiles at the way Killian’s forehead is wrinkled with the raise of his brows. His face can hold so many different expressions – from soft to broody and from sexy to amused – and she likes that he often gives away what’s going on in his mind through them, even if he doesn’t always.

“You are evil like that.”

“I know,” Emma shrugs before putting a little more pressure on Killian’s calf so that he groans. Definitely a different groan than what was happening before. “So, Ruth texting me today and asked if when I wanted to come visit. She’s been on me about it for a few months now even with her coming here, but I probably should go home when the season is over. And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”

They’re simple words, but the weight behind them makes Emma feel like she’s just been run over by a truck.

She’s absolutely great at being an adult.

The best.

Her heart is probably going to implode.

“Well,” Killian sighs, propping himself up on his elbows again, “I’d have to check my calendar. You know, I am a very popular man, and many women ask me to go home with them to meet their mothers. I have to make sure that I’m not scheduled to do that with someone else.”

“Asshole,” Emma huffs as she slaps Killian’s leg and pushes it off of her lap so that she can get off the bed. “You’re an asshole.”

“I’m feeling a little bit of de ja vu with you calling me that.”

“You deserve it.”

“Hey,” he sighs, stretching across the bed to grab at the bottom of her t-shirt until he pulls her back down onto the bed with him so that she roughly lands on the mattress and against Killian’s knee. It’s not exactly comfortable, but Killian shifts and caresses her cheeks with his hands, pushing her hair back while he looks at her. “I’m kidding. I would love to get to go to Portland with you to meet Ruth. I really do have to check my schedule, especially with how we do in the post-season, but I’m more than happy to go with you and get to hear all kinds of stories about you as a teenager.”

“Yeah, you’re not allowed to ask for any stories when we go.”

“I’m one hundred percent asking for stories.”

“No. You can’t do that because – ”

Killian doesn’t let her finish her protest, pulling her forward to press his lips into hers, a soft yet insistent thing that has her forgetting her argument. He’s good at that. Probably too good, but that’s definitely something she’ll address at another time.

A time when he’s not doing that thing with his tongue and his teeth that she likes so much.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Emma stops, possibly against her better judgement, and Killian pulls back only to bury his face in her shoulder.

“W-what?”

“My leg is cramping.”

Killian groans into her neck before wrapping his arms around Emma’s waist and pulling her down alongside him so that they’re a tangle of limbs that very well may never be unwrapped. She wouldn’t mind that either, not if she can stay in the dim light of her bedroom with Killian holding onto her and looking at her like she put the stars in the sky and tells them to glow every night.

No one has ever looked at her that way before.

Ever.

She’s really damn happy.

“I love you,” Killian breathes out, and her heart metaphorically skips a beat while she reaches for his chain between them so that she can run the metal between her fingers. “More than anything, I think.”

Well damn. Who knew three little words added to those big three words could completely change the meaning of it all? Or, at least, amplify them.

“I love you too, twenty-nine.”

Killian shifts again, pressing his back into her and pulling her closer, as if that was possible, and she can feel the scruff on the underside of his chin pressing into her temple while he intertwines their fingers and moves their joined hands to rest between her breasts.

“I’m serious, Emma. I know…” Killian takes a deep breath, one that she can feel in her own bones, and she has to swallow down the emotion that she feels at just the gravely sound of his voice. “Thank you for trusting me enough to take this shot with me. I haven’t been this happy in a long time, and I kind of thought that I’d reached the pinnacle of happiness last year when we won.”

“I mean, you did win the World Series,” she says, trying to play off some of the emotions she’s feeling. “What could be better than that?”

“Don’t you know, Emma?” Killian speaks into her hair, pressing a kiss there that has her lashes fluttering closed against her cheeks. “It’s you.”

[fadedncity]

wc: 1.8k (teaser)

pairing: mark x fem!reader

cw: street racing au, childhood friends to lovers, mentions of other idols; (full fic) tags: smut, lil angst, alcohol consumption, use of marijuana, teasing, fingering, semi public sex, marking, oral sex (giving/receiving), dirty talk, pet names, praising, multiple orgasms, more to come…

a/n: everyone thank ay-yo mark for finally getting me out of my writers block 😁 p.s. i don’t know shit about cars and only have knowledge based off the fast and furious movies so apologies 😭

FULL FIC OUT NOW

[9:16 PM] FRIDAY

"Come on. The cops are gonna bust it before we even get there!" Summer stomped her heels like a whiny child.

"You know these things never start on time, we will be fine," you said, coming down the stairs.

"You could always go ahead of us and we'll meet you there," Nyla said, checking herself in the mirror, "Oh wait, you can't drive," she deadpanned.

"Only temporarily," Summer rolled her eyes.

"Only until your suspension is lifted," you reminded.

"One of you could let me borrow a car. It's only an issue if I get caught." Summer says matter of factly, like either of you would agree with her.

"That is the issue, sweetie, you did get caught." Nyla pats Summer's cheek.

Summer crossed her arms, again acting like a moody toddler.

"Let's go," you grabbed your keys off the table, "Thought you didn't wanna be late." You said to Summer, heading out the door.

With an annoyed huff, Summer gathered her things and followed you and Nyla out the door.

The three of you got into your car, the gentle purr of the engine coming to life once you put the key in the ignition, sending vibrations through the entire vehicle. Music filtered through the speakers as you pulled out of your spot and took off down the street.

"Hyuck said to make sure you turn your lights off when you're coming up," Summer relayed a message she received from Haechan once you were halfway there.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," you waved off.

You turned off your headlights once you neared the exit, moving offroad. You carefully drove into the woods on unpaved ground, heading deeper into the darkness as the distant streetlights weren't doing anything to assist your sight anymore. 

"I always hate this part," Nyla says from the passenger seat.

"Gotta make sure we don't get caught if any cops are hiding around here." You said.

"I know, but it always feels like the beginning of a horror movie. And you know the hot ones always die first," Nyla pouted.

You found the opening in the fence, worn down from being driven over so many times, and pulled into the abandoned army base, finally able to cut your lights back on.

The sound of music playing and tires screeching on the pavement could already be heard from the runway the meet was on, and you were still a few hangars away.

You slow down once you reach the crowd taking over the runway. People move out of the way as you cruise down the road, looking for a spot to park.

"Ain't that Johnny over there," Summer pointed from the backseat.

"I'd recognize that giant beanstalk anywhere," you say before honking your horn, startling the Aquarius and getting his attention.

"Wow, the princess, actually graces us with her presence on this lovely night," Johnny curtsies, and you scoff.

"Just move out the way before I run your ass over." you tell him.

You backed your car into the spot next to Johnny, and your friends practically jumped out of the vehicle before you could put it in park. You hadn't even closed your door when Johnny embraced you in a tight hug. 

"Jesus, John, gonna crack a rib," you gasp.

"Feels like we don't see you at these things anymore," He let you go.

"Come on, it hasn't been that long. I was here a few weeks ago."

"For like 20 minutes. You left before you could even see me smoke Jungwoo," he crossed his arms over his chest.

You remember that night. You had totally forgotten the assignment you had due at 11:59 and raced back home to turn it in on time.

"Shit. That's my bad. You know it's just stuff with the garage and school and…stuff," you trail off.

"Yeah, I get it," Johnny slung his arm around you, "You're doing good though, kiddo," you both started trailing behind Nyla and Summer.

"How do you figure?"

"Made it further than me. I had already dropped out by this point," Johnny said, sharing a laugh.

The music came from every direction with people displaying their boosted sound systems out of their trunks. The ones not focusing on the races were too busy gawking at the expensive modifications under the hoods of those showing them off.

"Last chance. Winner take all," you instantly recognize Chenle's voice over the rest of the clamor.

You watch Summer reach into her bag, giving Chenle an indescribable amount, looking proud of herself.

"Who're you betting on?" Johnny asks her. 

"Yeri, duh," she answered. 

"You sure that was a good choice?" he asks, teasingly.

"Obviously. Hyuck ain't got shit on her." 

"Yeah, alright," Johnny rolled his eyes, taking a bit of offense himself.

"Where is Haechan, by the way? He's up next," Jeno asks.

"Over there talking to Jaemin," Chenle nodded to the opposite side of the runway where Jaemin's car was parked.

You spotted the back of Haechan's head speaking to Jaemin through the window of his car, probably checking the police scanner and making sure you're all still in the clear, no doubt. Then your eyes land on the guy standing next to him, recognizing his silhouette.

"Oh my god, is that-" Summer starts.

"Mark Lee?" you will your vision to focus from this distance to see clearer. "Mark's back in town and no one said anything?" you hit Johnny's arm.

"You would know if you were here." Chenle shrugged.

"I'm sorry, who is Mark?" Nyla asks.

Everyone turned and looked at Nyla.

"Mark Lee? How do you not know Mark?" Summer says, showing Nyla his Instagram.

"How did you pull that up so fast?" Renjun asks.

"Holy shit, he's good," Nyla says impressed, and you already know Summer pulled up one of the videos of him racing.

"Better be. I taught him." Johnny smiles like a proud father. "We all go way back," he says, "Ain't that right?" Johnny nudges your arm.

Way back. 

Way back when you used to spend hours at the garage with your father after school and only knew Johnny as your father's best and favorite (unconfirmed) employee. And Mark was some boy from your high school that you didn't even know until you went to your first car meet.

Way back doesn't even feel that far away anymore now seeing him. It almost feels exactly like the first car meet you snuck out to. When you first met him.

"If your father knew you were here, he would lose his shit. If he found out I let you drive he would have my head. You are not getting into any car—getting behind any wheel tonight under any circumstances. Do you understand?" Johnny said. 

"But-" 

"Aht, I mean it," he said, shooting you down before changing the subject, "You know Mark, right?" he asked. 

"No, I don't know Mark." 

"Well, this is Mark," Johnny said, yanking the boy out of a conversation to introduce the both of you. "You mind keeping each other company, and make sure she stays out of..everything," Johnny not so quietly muttered to Mark. "I'm up next, so be good while I'm gone," Johnny patted your head before he hopped in his car, leaving the two of you alone. 

"I can't image he's much less of a jackass at work." Mark said. 

"He definitely isn't. I don't think it's something he can turn off," you laughed before you looked over at him, "How'd you know I'm from the garage?" you asked. 

"Johnny said you might be here tonight. He talks about you all the time, like a little sister he's never had," Mark tells you. 

"Oh really? What else has he said?" 

"You're one hell of a driver."

"Come on, it's starting," Summer pulling on your arm, tore you out of your thoughts, and you realize Mark's no longer in your sight, having lost him in the crowd.

People gather on either side of the runway, cheering as Haechan's electric blue Supra pulled up next to Yeri's lavender-wrapped GT-R, stopping right before the spray-paint on the pavement that served as the starting and finish line.

Chenle stood between both cars, looking at Haechan and Yeri. He raised his arms, both drivers reviving up their cars, Haechan burning out his tires, kicking up smoke behind his car before Chenle dropped his arms, and they both sped off past him down the road.

Through all the commotion, you spotted Mark again. And before you could even think about it you were already weaving your way through the crowd to get to him.

"So you thought you could just come back to town and not say anything to anybody?" you say, getting his attention.

Mark's eyes light up, no longer concerned with the race upon seeing you.

"I just got in yesterday but heard you were gonna be here tonight. So I thought I'd surprise you."

"Consider me surprised."

You take the time to notice everything about him, the things that have changed and the things that haven't. Like his hair, no longer dark with the typical schoolboy cut. It's now grown out and blonde—that was as much as you could tell from the beanie it was all tucked underneath. But nothing about his face is much different than how you remember it. Still the same soft eyes you can get yourself lost in and the sweet smile that used to bring one to your face.

"So who's your money on?" Mark asks you.

"You know I'm not throwing anything unless I really got something to lose," you say, "But if I did put my money on one of them, it would definitely be Yeri. She's winning this."

"Yeah, she's a good driver but don't you know what Haechan has under his hood?"

"Yeah, but it's no match for what's under Yeri's. And I would know. I put it all together myself," you smiled proudly.

You heard the cars approaching, closing in on the finishing line. From this distance, it's hard to tell who's winning, but you aren't as eager as the rest of the crowd cheering on either side to see who would make it to the end first.

The cars blurred past you, wind whipping behind them, blowing your hair out of place a bit as you turned to Mark.

"Now would you look at that," you smiled as Yeri was announced as the winner, "I know it's been a while Mark, but the last thing you should forget is that I'm always right."

"Trust, there isn't anything about you I could forget," Mark says.

a/n: i’m currently already at 7k but just wanted to know how y’all feel about this so ik whether i should keep going or not so pls lmk! feedback is appreciated <33

edit: currently at 11k and still haven’t gotten to the smut yet…y’all pray for me

[unkn0wnl0v3]

Day 8 ✿ Sep 22 ‘20

I just talked to Cat all morning about like books and philosophy. I like books and philosophy ALOT. I like it more than fish and water. If I could I’d have my own private library. Agh! I fucking love books. I also really like fish and aguaculture. Jobs I’d commit to when I’m older is editor, fish breeder or teacher. However downsides to that job is: editing is a job that might not be alive in a few years, fish breeding is hard and expensive if you don’t have a market and teaching may also be an obsolete occupation in less than a decade. Personally these jobs would be good if it was like the >2000’s. Now every job will either kill you or die before it can. Maybe like a teacher in a private school or a freelance editor. However those jobs are hell if you choose to work for the wrong people. So fuck it I’ll be a fish breeder. Even though School marm for a private school sounds amazing. And editors can read all day. I have Mr today. I’m excited cause he’s always fun to have(09:10)

‘Sorry for only letting you know now but I will be staying in your class. I thought about it and realized two things. 1. I get low test scores regarding state tests, so that’s probably why I’m not in an honors class. Besides this if my state test scores are that not good then maybe I should be in a regular English class. 2. If I worked my butt off and did the quality of my work like that consistently It’s really crazy to me that test scores make me end up in a class totally different than what my mind needs or whatever; so I’ve met the conclusion that If it’s not the test that got me here or just like human error is that Fate and the universe(or god if you believe in them or whatever you think makes the world go spin) needs me to be in this class. Whether it’s to meet you, or a classmate. Number 2 is a pretty complex philosophical idea however I believe in it more than everything else. Also I purchased Flowers for Algernon a while ago and it only came recently. From my memory in your slide thing it said you liked it(?). Well it’s very good so far and it’s making my brain do a lot of thinking. Like my brain is literally imploding from reading it and thinking about all the other questions it indirectly acts. So that’s just a side note I wanted to add cause I’ve only had it since yesterday and I’ve already rambled on about for like over an hour to a friend who hasn’t even read it.. and I’m not even done yet! Oh well see you in a bit:)’... I wrote this to D in regards for the whole not switching out. I truly did forget about ever buying this book for five bucks on thrifted books back in like August. And I had only remembered buying it after he added it to his slide thing about like getting to know him. I kinda hate like having to have so many ideas and stuff in my head. Like right now I have so much in my head. Three key things are the philosophy of love, god and science. Those three are always in my head but for some reason everything’s just touching and mingling. I feel like I’m disappointing people who I should love but is it any matter if I disappoint them cause they never loved me before. Love is complex whether it’s sexual or romantic or all of the above. How can I like my teacher. He’s just a school teacher who’ll dissapear from my life before I know it. However what if it is fate.. God and science always correspond when trying to understand one of the other. Like what I’m thinking right now is if interfering with gods stuff really is worth it. Like if we hate gmo corn so much why are we trying to fix genetic disorders or mental stuff idk. I’ll say more later I’m too hungry to think.. (12:46)

This class is like boring as fuck. I like him as a person and as a teacher BUT I DO NOT LIKE HIS CLASSSSSSSSS. If I like consume his class outside of class yes fun nice wow! But if it’s in Class this fucking zoom SHOOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like when I talk to him outside of Class it’s fun it’s wow:) but this Class makes me want to die. I wish it was Face to Face Class so I could just daydream about eating him out. However i can only see his Face and his hopelessness during these zooms. Fuck me. (13:16)

Yk i’ll be so bored but I never fucking listen in Class. Maybe if I listened Class would be less boring. (13:27)

Oh my God im so Smart, well we know that already but i was the only one who got this dumbass question right. Like im literally amazed at how dumb these people are. Wow! I Love this Class. Im Smart as fuck (♡´౪`♡)(14:11)

Earlier I went to Petsmart with my dad and we got the biggest most beautiful fish tank. I’ve already added rocks and two little accessories. As for the lights and filter I just finished working on it. It was hard as fuck to do everything but I got it done so I’m happy:)... I’m so excited to get fish and enjoy the tank and have a cute little pet(s)! I wonder what D’s favorite pet is. He seems like a dog person who grew up with cats all his life.. but would never own a dog irl. He’s a turtle dude I bet:D!! I was talking to Cat and she was joking over my type. And I was like “guys that do the dishes and do chores” like my standards are so low a seven year old could reach them. However they’d also have to be able to discuss topics and ideas I find interesting. I couldn’t date someone who was dense or uninspired by the lack of answers in the universe. I think that’s a big thing for me, someone who can talk to me about things that other people try to avoid. That’s why I’d fall for a teacher. I can only see them as knowing plenty of not all. So I’d have to have faith that they can have these convos. So I chose the hottest young blonde of all my teachers and called it a day. Ah Im fucking tired(22:30)

[darkobsidianquill]

Harry Potter and the descent into Darkness..

Chapter 24

They were called 'katas', Harry had learned, but it looked like some sort of elaborate choreographed dance. He supposed it was. It was a muggle martial arts thing, or so he had been told. A repetitive set of motions that one practiced over and over again to work out the kinks in their technique. Harry had been stunned to learn that Voldemort had studied under a muggle martial arts master for about a year when he was in his mid twenties.

Apparently the then-future-Dark Lord, had been traveling to the far east in search of a specific magical artifact and had witnessed some martial artists during his search. He had been impressed enough to extend his stay in Japan even when he had determined that the artifact in question wasn't there, and the country was still in a rather pitiful condition because of the war that had only ended four years prior.

Voldemort was, by no means, a master of martial arts, however he prided the skill as it improved his reflexes, balance, and footwork. But hand-to-hand combat was an absolute last resort, and one he highly doubted he would ever have to resort to. Even in the unlikely scenario of being separated from his wand, he was capable of enough wandless magic, as well as his incredible repertoire of parselmagic that also required no wand, that he would likely never be in a situation where he could not fall back on some sort of magical technique.

Still, Harry could tell that the little bit of muggle martial arts that the Dark Lord had learned, was impressive. His movements were mesmerizing. The fact that he was barefoot and in a pair of loose pants, tied at the ankles, and no shirt, wasn't exactly helping matters. Harry couldn't fathom why the hell seeing the other man's bare feet was so mesmerizing, but for some reason it was. Can a person have handsome feet? Harry had never given it any thought before, but he decided that if anyone did, Voldemort did. His eyes weren't stuck on the feet for long though. The man's chest was far more mesmerizing. Harry was so utterly distracted by the scene he was witnessing, that he had utterly abandoned his own exercises that morning.

"Gods, you're beautiful..." The words slipped out of Harry's mouth before he even realized his mouth was open. He'd thought them so many times during the last two weeks; why his brain decided to misfire and speak the words aloud this time, he had no idea, but now that they were out, he couldn't take them back.

He felt his face and the back of his neck instantly grow hot with embarrassment, while the bottom of his stomach dropped out in horror as he feared how his words might get taken.

Voldemort stopped in his choreographed movements, turned, and quirked an amused eyebrow back at the younger wizard.

"I-I'm sorry," Harry said quickly, ducking his head.

Voldemort chuckled. "You compliment me and then apologize? Harry, don't be ridiculous."

"I just... I mean... I'm sorry if it... weirds you out or something."

"What on earth are you going on about, Harry? Why in Merlin's name would it 'weird me out' to receive a compliment from you?"

"Er, I mean, with me being bent and all," Harry mumbled, looking down and fiddling with the drawstring of his jogging pants.

Voldemort narrowed his eyes and looked at Harry for a moment before speaking. "Bent... that's a euphemism they're using these days for being gay, correct?"

Harry blinked. He forgot sometimes that it had been more than a decade since Voldemort had been able to be around other humans, and who knew how distanced he was from that sort of 'slang' even before his first body was destroyed. Still, was 'bent' a recent slang term? Or maybe it just wasn't used much by wizards? He really didn't know.

"Er, yeah, it is."

"Well, I suppose it's better than the things that were tossed around when I was school age," Voldemort mused quietly. "The idiots I attended Hogwarts with preferred to just call me a faggot. But of course, none of them survived much past graduation. In fact, dear Myrtle didn't even make it that far," he mused with a wicked grin.

Harry's jaw dropped and he stared in dumbfounded shock at the Dark Lord opposite him. Had he just...?

"You're gay?" the words fell out of Harry's mouth before he could engage the filter between his brain and his mouth, but once the words were out, he could do nothing but curse himself for his idiocy. What the hell was wrong with his brain-to-mouth filter today?

Voldemort gave him a long piercing look through narrowed eyes before the corners of his mouth turned up into an amused smirk.

"Yes, Harry. I am gay. Obviously, this is not something that is common knowledge, but I did get publicly 'outed' in my fifth year when I was sloppy enough to get caught snogging someone in a broom cupboard, by an extraordinarily nosy Gryffindor. At first he thought he could blackmail me with the information – I'm sure you can imagine that if being 'outed' in the present day was unpleasant for you, being outed fifty years ago was considerably worse. I refused to give into his demands, but at the time I was not in a position to forcefully silence him either. He quickly spread word around the school."

"Wow. I bet his death was painful," Harry deadpanned.

Voldemort's smirk grew wide and wicked. "Oh, it was."

Harry chuckled lightly but quickly found himself imagining the 16-year old Tom Riddle snogging some boy in a dark secluded broom cupboard and instantly found himself growing aroused by the thought. His arousal only shot through the roof as the anonymous, faceless 'other boy' suddenly turned into himself. The sixteen-year old Tom Riddle in his mind slowly morphed into his older visage that Harry had grown so close to in the last two months and Harry almost groaned aloud as his whole body suddenly ached with desire. He quickly tried to stomp the image out of his head. He'd already embarrassed himself beyond reason; the last thing he needed was to be sporting an erection in the Dark Lord's training gym.

Harry glanced up to see Voldemort grinning wickedly down at him with that lopsided smirk, that he sometimes felt the Dark Lord reserved just for him. That smirk that had been sending flutters through his gut for weeks now. Seeing it now, combined with the rest of the Dark Lord's amazing presence, totally did him in. He felt himself getting lost in the other man's glittering blood-red eyes. Falling into them.

Beautiful didn't even begin to describe the Dark Lord. He was a fucking god. His presence, combined with his power, combined with his confidence, combined with his amazing body...

Gods, Harry wanted to touch him! Not just feel the other man's hand in his hair, but to actually touch him. Feel the older wizard's skin beneath the pads of his fingertips... The other man's exposed chest, glistening with a very light sprinkling of sweat, the faintest dusting of hair at the top center, and that teasing line from the base of his naval down to, and disappearing into, his black pants, was taunting Harry and he felt his lids growing heavy with desire as the coil twisted in the pit of his stomach.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he turned his head away and ran his hand through his hair roughly.

So what if the other man was gay? It wasn't like that made any difference at all in the end. Voldemort was the most powerful dark wizard in the world. At best, Harry figured the other man might see him as a protégé or an apprentice of some sort. He doubted that Voldemort considered him to be anything more than the scrawny kid who happened to be holding a piece of his soul, and who he was now training to be a better wizard. Harry obviously needed to be able to properly guard the precious piece of Voldemort's soul, and to do that, he needed to be able to defend himself. It only made sense for Voldemort to be training Harry. He had reasoned that this was the most logical reason that the Dark Lord would be willing to spend so much time with him and dedicate so much of his efforts to him. Even beyond all of that, Harry was more than aware of the significant age gap between the two, and doubted that the other man could ever see past it...

He huffed in frustration as he pulled roughly at his own hair and found his eyes drawn back to the Dark Lord's gaze. What on earth had he been thinking, letting his imagination run away with himself like that, anyway? It's not like he could pursue anything with the Dark Lord. What would he do if Voldemort was offended by his interest? What if he told Harry to leave? Refused to allow him stay for the summer? Refused to continue their lessons? Harry didn't think he could face that. His time with the man had become too precious. The idea of not being able to stand by his side, every day, made Harry ache. The man had become so important to him, so quickly. It was more than just familiarity, friendship, or the admiration of a mentor. The draw he felt to the Dark Lord felt magical. Literally. It felt like there was some powerful tug deep inside him, calling him to Voldemort. But just being in the other man's company didn't feel like it was enough anymore. Just like the company of his companion had seemed pale in comparison, after having spent some time in the company of the actual Dark Lord. Once he was exposed to one, the previous incarnation wasn't enough anymore. And now that he had become accustomed to being able to spend time with Voldemort, he knew he could never give it up. But deep inside him, a piece of him desperately wanted something more. Not just time in the other's company; but intimacy.

Harry blinked slowly growing aware of an added pressure in his mind. A gentle, featherlight caress that he realized had been steadily growing over the passing silent seconds.

"That's quite an imagination, you've got there, Harry," Voldemort's voice came out in soft whisper and Harry suddenly startled as he realized that the man had come to stand directly in front of him and his face was only inches from Harry's. "So many thoughts buzzing around in there."

Oh Merlin... he'd seen. He knew... How much? How long was he inside my head? Did he see the fantasy?

Harry's mouth fell open to say something, but he realized he had no idea what to say or do. Any words he might have found escaped him utterly when one of Voldemort's long-fingered hands came up and brushed gently along Harry's cheek. A tiny gasp escaped his lips and he felt his eyes falling closed as the gentle caress of the Dark Lord's magic seeped into him from the tiny bit of contact.

"You feel it too, don't you, dear boy?" Voldemort's whispery voice said a moment later. "I think it's caused by the soul and the blood bonds interacting. I'm not really sure, to be perfectly honest. Such magics are always unpredictable."

Harry's eyes opened and he looked up at the other man with confusion. "What...?"

"The pull that exists between us. I'd swear it's growing in strength. Perhaps I've indulged in it too much, but I just can't help it. I've never been much one for denying myself something when I want it."

Realization began to dawn in Harry's eyes and a tiny, but powerful, hope sparked to life inside him.

"Do you want me? The way that I want you?" Harry asked suddenly with a voice that was much more confident and assured than he probably felt. Part of him couldn't believe he was being so blunt, but if his Gryffindor courage wasn't good for much, it was at least worth something here.

Voldemort gave him a long look, but Harry couldn't quite distinguish what the older wizard's blank face meant. Finally Voldemort's hand dropped to his side, abandoning Harry's cheek and leaving him with the sudden feeling of loss.

"It doesn't matter, Harry. You're fourteen years old. You're practically still a child."

"I'm almost fifteen!" Harry suddenly said in a rather desperate tone.

Voldemort snorted and rolled his eyes. "You do realize how juvenile that response was, don't you?"

"Well, who gives a damn how old I am? I don't care how old you are!"

"Do you even realize how old I am?" Voldemort asked with a humorless face and a single raised brow.

"I said I don't care!"

"I'm sixty-nine, Harry. Sixty-nine years old."

"Fine, but you don't look it! You don't look a day over thirty. I don't look fourteen either! Since I finished taking the accellerant potion, I could easily pass for seventeen! Neither one of us has normal bodies. Besides, what the hell does age matter to an immortal Dark Lord? And if you're theory is right, then I'm immortal too! So I don't see any reason why age should factor into this!"

Voldemort sighed and pinched the bride of his nose for a moment before letting his hand fall to his side. "You don't understand, Harry. It is more than just your physical age. Age has a lot to do with mentality too. You simply haven't lived enough days to –"

"But you're always telling me that I act far more mature than a fourteen year old! You're always saying that you forget how old I am because I don't act like it!"

Voldemort growled. "It doesn't matter, Harry!"

"Fine, whatever! But you never answered my first question. Do you want me? Do you want more than just... just... whatever this is that we've been doing? Because I know I do!"

"There is magic at work here, Harry!" Voldemort yelled suddenly. "I don't even understand the nature of what's going on!"

"Yeah, well I don't bloody care!"

"I will not let some ancient magic control my actions and choices!" Voldemort bellowed.

"So it's nothing more than the magic to you? This thing between us – there's nothing more to it? Nothing pulling you to me aside from the soul bond and the blood bond? Nothing?" Harry asked.

Voldemort sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose again.

"Because I know there's more for me," Harry continued in a desperate voice. "I feel the magical connection to you, but I'm also drawn to your mind; your intelligence and genius! To your personality; how you just take control of things. You exude power and confidence and I love it. I love being around you when you just take charge. I love our talks and the time we spend together just doing nothing. Just being in your company makes me feel so much calmer and I can think better, and I know that it's more than just some magical connection! I just know it! I look forward to coming here every day. I look forward to telling you about what's been going on in my life at Hogwarts and every day I look forward to hearing what you've read in the papers and what new spell or ward your working on. Are you saying that you don't feel anything extra about the time we spend together? Nothing extra about me? Are you saying that it's just the magic and nothing more? Because if that's it, say so and I'll never bring it up again. But if it's not... if it's not –"

And suddenly his words were cut off as Voldemort's lips were pressed against his own in a fiery display of completely unexpected passion. Harry was stunned for a moment but quickly began to melt into the other man's embrace. One hand was instantly buried into his hair, but it wasn't just threaded gently into his raven locks, it was fisted in them and pulling, hard. The rough tug shocked Harry, mostly by how much he liked it. How much part of him wanted the other man to pull harder.

Voldemort's other hand wrapped around his waist and pulled Harry flush against the older wizard. Harry moaned out against Voldemort's lips as he felt the entirety of the other man's torso pressed against his own, and his arms came up and wrapped around Voldemort's neck on autopilot.

The kiss continued and deepened. Harry almost gasped when he felt the older man's tongue slip out and brush against his lips, demanding access. Harry's mind was a whirl with confusion, lust, need, desire for more, but also the fear that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. This was his first ever kiss, and he wanted to do it right. He didn't want to disappoint Voldemort. He parted his lips and felt the man's tongue come in and probe about. It was strange and yet indescribably erotic. He felt his whole body reacting to their interactions, and he could feel Voldemort's body reacting too.

Instinctively, his hips gyrated and he ground himself against the other man experimentally. Voldemort growled into his mouth and deepened the kiss while tightening his grip on Harry's hair. Harry cried out in pleasure and shock and thrust himself against the other man again.

It was just so good. He could feel their magic swirling around and through them like a hurricane. Things in the room were shaking and falling about from the torrents of accidental magic flying off them.

Voldemort broke away from Harry's lips and the younger wizard almost whimpered in disappointment. He didn't want it to end yet. He wanted more. More. The whimper was, however, cut off when Voldemort instead latched onto Harry's neck and began to trail his lips and teeth along his long pale column and then began to bite and nibble along his jaw.

"Oh gods," Harry moaned and gasped as Voldemort gave another rough tug of his hair, pulling his head back and exposing more of his neck.

"Are you sure, Harry?" Voldemort's voice came out in a husky pant. "Sure that you want this?"

"I want it! I want it! Oh, please... please!"

"I won't let you change your mind, Harry. If you really agree to this, you're mine. No one else can have you. No one else can touch you."

"Yours. Only yours!" Harry panted and eagerly nodded his head as much as he could with the older wizard's hand still fisted in his hair.

Voldemort tugged Harry's hair, exposing the other side of his neck and trailed his tongue up it until he came to Harry's ear and pulled it between his teeth. By this point, Harry was quite literally writhing against the other man and panting heavily. He'd never felt anything so amazing in all his life. He could feel their magic twining together in some strange new way he'd never experienced before and it only seemed to heighten the feeling from the onslaught of physical stimuli. He could feel the most powerful coiling pressure he'd ever experienced building up in his gut, and had absolutely no hope of stopping his body from thrusting against the other man. Not that he needed to, since Voldemort actually began to grind right back against him in the most delicious and erotic dance of Harry's life. It was incredible and indescribable and he couldn't believe it was all happening so fast.

"Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods," Harry chanted with his quick shallow pants as the two bodies writhed against each other in rhythm.

"My name," Voldemort panted into Harry's ear.

"What?"

"Say my name, Harry."

"Wh... T-Tom?" Harry asked, in surprise.

"Yessss," Voldemort hissed.

"Tom...Tom. Yes..." Harry said, experimentally testing out the name on his panted breaths.

There was another insistent tug in his hair and the pain only seemed to exaggerate the extreme pleasure he was experiencing everywhere else. It felt commanding and controlling and for some reason he found it turned him on all that much more. At some point during all of this, Harry's hand had begun a desperate exploration of the other man's exposed chest, and it was like the palms of his hands and the pads of his fingers were on fire with that melded magical energy. Every touch set him alight and he couldn't get enough.

"Only you, Harry," Tom said, gripping a tight hold on Harry's rear and pressing them together harder in rhythm. "Only you can ever say it."

Harry moaned out as he was filled with a rush of some foreign emotion he couldn't quite place.

"Oh Tom... ahh... oh.. oh, I – I... I'm going to... oh fuck..."

"Yessss, Harry. Cum for me, Harry. Only for me," Tom growled out and Harry felt the other man's magic tighten around him as if latching onto him and pulling on something deep inside it. It was insane and intense and everything happened at once.

"Yes, Tom! Only... oh gods... only you. Only ever you. Oh Tom!"

Harry called out as his world exploded and he began to convulse erratically against the other man. It was so much more intense than anything he had ever self-induced. The best wank in the world couldn't hold a candle to what was happening in that moment. He'd never even imagined he could feel this good. His clouded, lust-filled mind only just barely recognized the fact that the other man was jerking and convulsing and moaning right back in the same way, and the thought that he had done that to the Dark Lord filled him with a surge of pride and even more powerful euphoria.

Tom grunted as he reached his own completion and his grip tightened in Harry's hair to the point of almost pulling a good chunk out, but a second later the hold loosened and slipped into a gentle threading through Harry's black locks.

The two sighed and panted against each other as they came down from their entirely unexpected activities. Harry buried his head in Tom's neck and smiled.

Tom.

It felt like it was some incredibly special honor and it was only his. Only Harry could call Voldemort by his real name. It would be weird to start thinking of the man as Tom after thinking of him as Voldemort for so long, but he somehow didn't think he'd have much trouble making the shift. Helooked like a Tom. This man who Harry had become so utterly attached to. Who Harry had grown to cherish and adore beyond reason. This man didn't feel like Voldemort to him. He felt like Tom. It felt right to call him that. But most of all, it felt glorious that the man had granted him permission to do so.

It truly seemed that this gesture had to have some deeper meaning to it. It had to have some greater significance that the Dark Lord was willing to allow Harry to use his given name. Harry didn't know what that meaning was, but he was sure it was important.

"Are you still sure this is what you want?" Voldemort... no Tom's voice came out quietly in an extremely rare display of insecurity. Harry felt his grip on the other man tighten protectively.

"I'm sure," Harry said in a muffled voice into the older wizard's shoulder with strong conviction. "I won't change my mind. And I... I hope you won't either," he finished with a far more weaker, and equally insecure voice.

Tom was silent for a moment while his hand threaded gently through Harry's hair and gently massaged the scalp that he had so recently abused.

"No, Harry, I won't change my mind. You're mine now."

Harry grinned widely and gave Tom another squeeze, relishing in the fact that he was holding the other man. That he was completely wrapped up in his arms and that it felt even more amazing than he had imagined. "Yours."

Tom seemed to be enjoying the embrace as well, but finally he pulled away and sighed quietly. His face was strangely soft and his eyes were filled with some deeper emotion that Harry couldn't quite place, but it was suddenly replaced with his normal mask.

"Come, Harry. We're both a mess and I highly doubt that either of us will be getting anymore work done in here this morning."

He turned and walked over to the hooks on the wall near the door where he had a loose outer robe hanging. He slipped it on and Harry sighed longingly at the loss of the older wizard's beautifully exposed torso.

Tom looked over his shoulder and smirked leeringly at Harry, causing him to grin and duck his head in mild embarrassment. Tom led him up the stairs to the second floor and to the door of the bathroom he usually used there. He instructed Harry to get 'cleaned up', while motioning to the shower, and to then join him in the study when he was done. The next moment Tom had closed the door and was gone.

Harry stood there in the marble and porcelain bathroom feeling as if he were still in a state of mild shock. What had just happened was slowly seeping in and he couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

His hand came up and he lightly brushed his fingertips over his still-swollen lips and actually giggled lightly. He rolled his eyes at his idiotic reactions and quickly stripped down and stepped into the shower.

It wasn't until after he got out that he realized he didn't have a change of clothes. Nor, in fact, did he have the soiled clothes he had come in with. They had vanished from the floor where he had left them. Best he could figure was that Mixey had popped in and grabbed them.

Over-eager house elves, Harry grumbled to himself as he wrapped one of the fluffy deep navy towels around his waist, and slung another over his shoulders. He didn't even have his wands since they were both in his bag back in the study. Otherwise he would have transfigured one of the towels into a bathrobe.

He stepped cautiously out of the bathroom and looked both ways down the long hallway. He felt exceedingly exposed wandering through the manor in nothing but a pair of towels and could only imagine how utterly embarrassed he would be to walk into the study in such a state. Part of him hoped that he would beat Tom back to the study and be able to change into his school robes before the other got there, but a bigger part of him doubted he'd be that lucky.

He hurried down the hall and slowly pushed the door to the study open and peered inside. Tom was there, just as he'd known he would be. Harry grumbled against his always-shitty luck and slipped inside.

Tom turned his head and his brows slowly climbed into his damp black hairline at the sight of Harry wrapped in nothing but a pair of fluffy blue towels. The corner of his mouth curled up into an amused smirk.

"Mixey made off with my clothes," Harry muttered. His face grew hot and pink as he saw Tom's eyes trailing over his exposed body hungrily. Finally Tom chuckled and turned his attention back to the newspaper in his hand.

Harry hurried over and picked up his bag, pulling out his cypress wand and his change of clothes. He hesitated, looking unsure for a brief moment before he began to head back out towards the door.

"You can change in here, Harry. It's not like I haven't already seen it," Tom said, and Harry could hear the amusement in his voice. Harry's face went red and he froze, debating his options.

"Yeah, but we weren't exactly... together or anything back then," Harry mumbled, and Tom only snickered more.

"Do you honestly think I didn't take a good look while I had the chance?" Tom asked humorously and Harry felt his blush increase dramatically, while he also felt a surge of delight at the thought that Tom had been checking him out, even that early on. It had been quite a while since the ritual in the big bathtub to remove Harry's trace, after all.

Finally he huffed, annoyed by the intensity of his embarrassment and just dropped the towels. He was facing the wall, with his backside exposed to the Dark Lord. He could feel the other man's eyes on him, but tried not to fumble too much to show his nervousness as he quickly pulled on his trousers and a light undershirt. He would wait to pull on his outer school robes until he left.

He ran his hand through his hair in a rough, nervous gesture and heard Tom chuckling from behind him. He turned around and scowled at the other man, but he couldn't hold onto any malice and quickly found himself grinning again. He was just too happy. He often joked about what piss-poor luck he had, but at the moment, he honestly felt like the luckiest man alive. Of course, he knew that few would agree with that sentiment, but that was just because they didn't really know Tom. No one else knew him the way Harry did. Or at least, that's the way he felt. He knew he still had so much to learn about the other man, but he realized that there was nothing he wanted more than to spend every waking hour finding out. He wanted to know this man's every nuance. His every experience, and his every desire. And he wanted to fulfill those desires. He wanted to be the one to make Tom smile. He wanted to be the one – the only one – to make Tom make that wonderful keening noise from the back of his throat as they writhed against each other.

He looked over at the older wizard, perched regally in his leather and wood office chair, with that devilish smirk on his lips, and had the most ridiculous urge to go sit in the other man's lap but Tom stood up, saving Harry from his own impulses.

"Come here, Harry," Tom said, motioning with his hand. Harry took only two long strides to get to the older wizard and came to an awkward stop a foot from him, wanting desperately to get closer, but unsure if it was okay. He felt so confused and unsure. He was excited and elated by the direction things were heading in, but he was also terrified that he'd do something stupid to screw it up. He knew he needed to try and work on his confidence or he'd just start to annoy Tom, but he was still too overwhelmed and confused to get himself sorted out yet.

Tom saved him the confusion by closing the distance between the two and lacing the fingers of one hand behind Harry's neck and into the messy hair there.

"Was that your first kiss, Harry?" Tom asked with a deep, smooth voice. Harry hadn't expected that question and floundered for a moment.

He ducked his head and shrugged before he shook himself, trying to force his way past the nerves. "Yea. It was. And my first... all the rest of it, too." Harry ducked his head and grinned, widely.

Tom made a pleased humming sound in his throat and Harry looked up to see the older wizard looking down at him with those hungry eyes and a wide, thin-lipped, smile.

"Good," he said before pulling Harry's head up and pressing his lips to his again. The movement was fast and unexpected, but Harry reacted much quicker this time, returning the kiss and wrapping his arms around Tom's waist and fisting his hands in the fine material of the man's shirt.

Tom pulled back and Harry was left panting and looking up at the older wizard with heavy lids and lusty eyes. Tom ground against his already straining erection and Harry groaned out.

Tom chuckled. "Ah... the joys of having a young lover. You recover so quickly. I imagine I'm going to enjoy showing you all the different ways in which two men can enjoy each other's company," he whispered in a husky voice before leaning in and pecking Harry on the lips again. Harry moaned out as a powerful jolt of lust shot through him at the implications of the other man's words.

"But now is not the time," Tom said, pulling away and earning another whimper from Harry. Tom grinned and ran his hand over Harry's cheek, looking down at him with eyes filled with that uncharacteristic, unidentified, emotion that seemed so foreign on the older man's face. "It is about time that you returned to the school. You need your breakfast. Come back after lunch. I suspect I'll complete the transformation tomorrow – assuming we don't get distracted," he gave Harry a pointed glare and Harry grinned sheepishly.

Harry almost literally dragged his feet as he made his way to the first floor corridor outside the time-turner room. Tom had escorted him down there and as the two came to a stop in front of the door, Harry was relieved when Tom once again initiated the one thing that Harry wanted more than anything else – another kiss, and another lingering embrace.

Feeling Tom's body against his own was an experience Harry couldn't explain. The strange magic was clearly playing some role in it because Harry could feel swells of magic coursing around and through them the closer they got. But he also knew it was more than just the magic. Every part of him ached for Tom. He wanted to hold on and never let go. The idea of returning to Hogwarts was practically depressing. He just wanted to stay at the manor and never leave Tom's side.

But what use to the man would he be if he did that? Tom didn't just want a house-boy. If Harry kept up his golden-boy persona at the school, he would leave himself in the prefect position to help the Dark Lord's cause when it came time to take the school, or get rid of Dumbledore.

He sighed into Tom's shoulder before taking in a deep, long breath of the other man's scent. It was delicious, and so intense this close up. Spices and musk and traces of whatever shampoo or body wash he had used in his shower.

Finally Harry pulled away, but not before Tom had given him another peck on the lips and smirked at him. Harry slipped into the time-turner room, and moments later he was two hours earlier, at 7:25am. His earlier self would have arrived at the manor a few minutes earlier and was currently in the 2nd floor bathroom changing for his morning workout in the gym.

Harry almost laughed aloud at the thought of what his earlier self was in for in the coming hours. Harry could still hardly believe it all himself.

He went out into the entry hall, activated the port-key and returned to Hogwarts with a secret smile on his lips.

It was Wednesday, so he had a free period in first block, and Charms in second. Ron never bothered to get up for breakfast on Wednesdays – opting instead to take advantage of the free morning period to sleep in.

Hermione also had the period free, then Charms, and then ancient runes later that afternoon after lunch – but she, unlike Ron, got up on time and still attended breakfast, so Harry knew he'd still be seeing her that morning.

He came through the portrait hole into Gryffindor Tower and made his way over to one of the couches in a dreamy haze before collapsing down into the overstuffed seat with a big dopey grin on his face.

"Where have you been?" a voice sounded and Harry sat up and blinked in surprise. Hermione and Ginny were both sitting on the couch opposite him with books and parchment all around then. He hadn't even realized they were there.

"Uh..." Harry floundered. His head was still to busy buzzing with thoughts of gentle caresses, rough grips, tugging hair, and the sensation of having Tom's teeth tongue trail along his jaw.

Ginny suddenly gasped and Harry turned his blank face to her.

"Is that a hickey!" she hissed with curiosity and mirth in her eyes.

Harry could feel his face go red and his hand instantly shot up to his neck. But he suddenly realized he had no idea which side of his neck a hickey might be on, since Tom had assaulted both sides.

Oh shit, what if there's more than –

"Several hickeys!" Ginny continued. "And are those teeth marks?"

"Oh bollocks!" Harry moaned as he quickly stood up, intent on racing out of the common room. It was still pretty unoccupied and his quick look around told him that no one else down there seemed to have overheard their conversation.

"Oh, Harry, sit down! Stop panicking. Hang on just a second," Ginny said, still grinning while she rolled her eyes at him. "One of my roommates knows some really good glamors for covering those sorts of things up. I'll just run up and ask her." And with that Ginny was up, out of her seat, and racing up the stairs.

Harry stared after her, gaping and confused as he slowly sunk back down into his previous seat. His eyes glanced up hesitantly to Hermione, who looked both shocked, and... amused. Harry rolled his eyes.

Hermione began to dig around in her bookbag and after what seemed like deep exploration, she came out with a small compact mirror. Harry was mildly surprised that Hermione even owned such a thing and apparently his expression showed this.

"I started carrying it around since the dance," she said defensively, and not meeting his eyes.

Harry grinned. "How are things going with you and Viktor? You two still meeting up in the library?"

Hermione blushed and ducked her head before looking back up and scowling playfully at him. She thrust the compact at him and as he took it, she whipped out her wand, tapped it, and cast a quick engorgio charm on it. It enlarged to the size of a dinner plate and Harry quickly began to examine his appearance as discreetly as he could manage in the public setting. He was just grateful that few Gryffindors were morning people.

His neck was littered with dark red and purplish marks, and a number of red teeth marks. His jaw also featured a number of red marks. At the sight he wasn't sure which emotion would win out – the urge to be deeply embarrassed, or the sudden rush of arousal that the reminder of the events that created the marks, caused.

He realized suddenly he was grinning and ducked his head, sheepishly before closing the enlarged compact, and canceling the enlargement charm.

He cleared his throat and handed the compact back. "Er... thanks."

Hermione rose a single questioning eyebrow and sent him a look that clearly said 'you will be explaining this.'

Ginny reappeared on the stairs to the girls dorms just then and quickly made her way over to them. A couple minutes and several fairly simple healing and glamor charms later, and Harry looked normal again.

As he examined his appearance in the mirror again, he was almost sad that he'd had to remove the evidence of his and Tom's activities. Having physical proof just made it that much more real.

"Thanks you two, for helping. I really appreciate it," Harry said as he hunched over in his seat on the edge of the couch.

"Well?" Hermione's voice came out impatiently.

Harry looked up and gave them his most innocent and bewildered look. "Well, what?"

Ginny guffawed and Hermione growled.

"No way, Harry Potter!" Hermione began. "You're not getting out of this without an explanation! What happened? How... who was responsible for – for – that?"

Harry's eyes darted between the two girls with a mild sense of panic in his gut. He knew he couldn't dodge this bullet, but he needed to give them something convincing, while not revealing any indication of anything even remotely close to the truth. A story popped into his head, and he could only hope it would be sufficient.

He twisted around, checking the other occupants of the common room before standing up and moving over to sit on the same couch as the two girls. He pulled out his phoenix feather wand and cast a quick privacy spell around them.

"I may be seeing someone," He said in a low voice, still looking around as if he were extremely paranoid of being overheard.

"Really!" Ginny almost squealed. "Who?"

"I can't tell you. He's... he's not out. To anyone. That includes his family, alright?"

"We would never tell anyone, Harry!" Hermione insisted suddenly, and she looked visibly hurt at the insinuation that he couldn't trust them.

"It's not that I don't trust you two, I just can't risk this. It's not my secret to tell. Besides, I trusted both you and Fleur with my secret and I know that neither of you told anyone, but it still got out. I still have no idea how Skeeter found out, but that doesn't change the fact that she did."

"But Skeeter's been missing for months. It's been all over the Prophet. No one has any idea what's happened to her," Ginny said.

"True, but I'm not willing to risk that whatever method she used to spy on us isn't still available to someone else. Like I said, it's not my secret to tell. If his family opened up the Daily Prophet one morning and found out that their son was being outed to the whole bloody world and that he was being accused of dating the Boy-Who-Lived... it would... it would be bad. I just can't do that to him. You understand, don't you?" Harry said with the most sincere, pleading face he could muster.

"Oh Harry," Hermione said with her most sympathetic face. "Of course. We can help you, you know. We're your friends, we'll do whatever we can to help."

Ginny nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Thanks you guys. It really means a lot to me," Harry said with a small shy smile, while grinning internally. This could work to his advantage.

"So how long has this been going on!" Ginny asked in a hushed but excited voice.

"It's sort of been building up for a bit, but this morning was the first time we really... did anything," Harry admitted, grinning at the memory.

"That must have been a pretty hot and heavy snogging session to leave you looking like that." Ginny said, with a wicked smirk.

Harry blushed but his grin only grew wider.

"It was my first real kiss, too," He admitted, truthfully. Happy that he actually had the opportunity to tell someone about this monumental event, even if it was being sugar-coated in lies.

"Really?" Ginny exclaimed with a big grin. "That's so great, Harry. Was it good?"

Harry barked out a laugh. "Good? It was bloody brilliant. It was... it was amazing. All of it was just so far beyond anything I ever could have hoped for or imagined! I... Merlin I think I..." he cut off, stunned by what he was about to say.

"Think you what?" Hermione prodded.

"I think I love him," Harry finished in a near-whisper. Did he? Did he even know what love was? He took on a determined look and nodded his head to himself. If anything was love, this was.

"I mean... it's early and all. We really only just admitted to each other how we feel, but we've been dancing around it for months now. I really... I really do think I love him."

"Wow..." Ginny said in a hushed whisper.

Hermione just looked stunned. Finally she spoke, "you two have been meeting for months?"

Harry ducked his head and made himself look ashamed, "Yeah... I'm sorry I kept it secret from you, but you already know why. I knew I couldn't do anything that would risk him being exposed. It really has nothing to do with me not trusting you guys, I just didn't want to do anything that could risk it. It's not my secret to risk. Not my secret to tell."

Hermione looked a bit disappointed but nodded her head. "I understand, Harry. I'm hurt, I won't lie about that, but I understand. Just, please, don't feel like you have to hide these things from us. We're your friends. You can rely on us! We'll help you."

Harry grinned and looked up at them through his eyelashes. "Thank you. Both of you. I really do appreciate it. And honestly... it's kind of nice to have someone to talk to about it. Even if I can't give any specifics..

[venus-says]

Aikatsu Stars! Episodes 76-84

I’VE REACHED THE PEAK OF THIS SEASON!

The madness continues as I'm back for more Aikatsu Stars! I just realized I'm actually screwed and that I fucked up my schedule and I won't finish this marathon before on Parade starts and I'm kinda sad about it. But now that I'm so close to the end I won't give and I'm gonna blast through these final episodes.

To my surprise, I have very few things to say about this batch. These episodes were pretty chill, even the episodes that were more important to the overall plot were pretty mild and I didn't get as many things to comment on. All in all, I think all of these episodes were enjoyable, with the exception of one or two, and maybe I was more immersed and focused on just having fun rather than picking things that bothered me.

The second half of the season already starts with a bang with the official introduction of Aria during episodes 76 and 77. Now I love Aria, she's a sweetheart, I love her overall theme, her aesthetics, her song, she's a true delight and watching her taking her first steps into this world, and seeing how amazed she was by the huge amount of things she still doesn't know was very refreshing. But as much as I love her there are two things I'm kinda iffy towards to.

The first one is the conflicting backstory, Hime says she found Aria during her travels of the beginning of the season, while Aria says they know each other since they were kids, I know it's a silly thing to stress over but this really confused me. The second thing is that I don't understand why Hime is passing MLH over to Aria, as much as she gives some explanation on the episode I still don't get it. Regardless these episodes were great and I had a good time watching them.

Following up we have the episode that gives us Elza's backstory and more insight on the Sun Dress. Now Elza craving for perfection because she wants to be as her mom and because she wants a hug from her is actually a pretty good motivation and it made me sympathetic to her for a few moments. But Elza's bad-doings can't be excused by this fact and she still gives the horrible crazy bitch vibe and I still can't like her. As for the Sun Dress, this is a concept I never liked, you know? Like, for the game I understand, you gotta give something special for the people who collected all special coords, but as a plot for the show? I don't think it's necessary, I'd rather see them giving PRs for Ako and Koharu and having a "generic special coord" for the end as a prize of the Aikatsu Ranking thing instead of what we got. But oh well.

Nothing of that matters because episode 79 GAVE US KOHARU PERFORMING ON SCREEN FOR THE FIRST TIME AND NOTHING CAN MAKE THIS A BAD THING. Yes, I wish this had happened on an episode dedicated to this event rather than being shoved as a side plot for the Halloween episode, but I'm not really mad at the episode for doing this, I'm actually pretty happy about it. Besides, the Halloween part was also pretty good, so it's not like an offense like what they've done with Happy Punch.

And we reach episode 80, which is the episode I have most problems with.

This is the episode where we finally see Rei's debut, and dear god Rei looks like such a weird creeper here. Her obsession with Elza isn't healthy at all and she was saying some pretty awful things this episode. And like, they could've made this in the way it was and make it bite her in the ass by not giving her wings so she would realize that doing aikatsu solely for Elza's sake won't take her anywhere and finally turn her on and independent character. But now, they go the easy route and just say fuck it, she's just as crazy as Elza and she deserves it. And I'm sorry but I don't buy it, I really doubt the aikatsu system would acknowledge someone with those weak motivations as a perfect idol worthy of getting the wings.

And it just saddens me that this is what they're doing with Rei because I like her and I want her to be more than just a sidekick, but for some reason, they can't make that happen since this season is obsessed with idols who are obsessed with other people.

But then again this show comes through and the episode right after it calmed me down. It wasn't a masterpiece, it wasn't trying to do anything big, it was a simple filler episode, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The same can be said to episode 82, they tried to make something there with Yume being so busy and so focused on her work that she had lost her joy and love for aikatsu, but they didn't really do anything with it, the problem gets solved on the same episode and it's a bit anti-climatic since I hoped this would be developed throughout the season until Yume gets her sun dress. Sadly that wasn't the case, but even though I didn't get what I wanted I still enjoyed this episode quite a lot, again Aria is so precious I love her.

Now, episode 83 also enters in this "chill, nothing happens, filler" vibe and it was pretty okay to watch. But then I started thinking that this was the episode where Rei could get her wings after having a realization in the end and I got sad with the wasted potential. XD I mean, Rei did get a realization in this episode, sadly it was a very dumb one about how much she wants to Aikatsu with Elza on a unit, and just thinking about it it makes me sad again. XD

In any case, episode 84 finishes this post. When I heard "unit cup" I got pumped and I thought we would see some healthy competition here with maybe some unusual pairings. Sadly that wasn't the case and this cup happened all in just this single episode, but thankfully this was a very good, heartwarming episode. Again, Ako works much better when there are no boys in sight and her interactions with Kirara were amazing, they were very funny at the beginning, passed through the "wow you're amazing" filter in the middle, to culminate in that extraordinary beautiful scene in the end when Ako gives Kirara the reality check that she shouldn't be doing Aikatsu just for Elza's sake since she's way greater than just that. This episode was a true delight from beginning to end and I loved everything about it. It's a bummer that FuwaFuwa Dreamer didn't get officialized here and they didn't get new coords or a new song, but it was still good despite this small fact.

And this was stars for today, my brain is completely dead after this so yall gonna have to stay with this half-baked outro. Only 16 episodes left and I'm shaking with bot fear and excitement. I'll see you guys tomorrow (hopefully).

[thecourtneychronicles]

“Ever since, Act has enjoyed enormous success. From participating in the Emmy-winning TV show RuPaul’s Drag Race to becoming the first drag performer ever to sing live with the San Francisco Symphony to being in campaigns for big fashion brands to winning Celebrity Big Brother to touring the world with her live shows – there is nothing she doesn’t do! Without a doubt, she is a multi-talent and enjoys her career with full passion.

In a time where gender equality, women’s rights and LGBTQ+ movements have become more visible and important than ever, Courtney Act has played a massive role in the conversations concerning it by engaging and educating people about it.

We’ve had a chat with the versatile drag queen and talked about all things drag race, the conversations around drag, and her future plans.

Hi, nice to meet you!

You too, where in the world are you at the moment?

I’m in rainy London unfortunately, and you? Are you back from Hong Kong?

I’m here too! Hong Kong was good, but a lot of civil unrest which wasn’t so good. But then I went to Thailand for the weekend and had some fun! I have only been once before; I had a marvellous time.

Sounds amazing. So, what’s a typical day in the life of Courtney Act then?

Every day is different! Yesterday, I was flying from Bangkok to London, today [18th November] I’m talking to you and debating politics at the BBC, then tomorrow I’m going to the opening of & Juliet which is a new musical. Thursday, I’m recording music for my new live show – it will be sort of a cabaret live show tour through the USA and Australia, and this time all my music will be original! It’s just super exciting and super daunting. Each Thursday, I’m going to the studio and recording. My mission was to write one song a week and so far, it’s been going really well. This time, it’s a different process to what I usually do. Usually, I will sit in a studio with different songwriters and producers and we are trying to come up with pop songs together. But this show is about my views and experiences in life, so I sit at home, sit or stand on the Tube, and just writing down notes. I’ve written songs that are so personal, there is nobody else writing them with me. So, quite often someone says, ‘we need to change this or add that and so on’ and you feel pressure to make creative decisions. But now, it’s just all me, staying up until 4am if I want, in order to perfect and craft songs.

Wow, that sounds busy! How do you ever unwind and let go of the stress that could come up?

Well, all I do is what I love doing anyway. The songwriting thing is so relaxing; you can sit there and watch TV, it’s a good process just sitting there and be creative all night long. It’s been digging up some old emotions! The show is called Fluid; it’s all about the fluidity of life, gender fluidity, fluid sexuality and all sorts of forms. The kind of work that I do is usually exciting and stimulating but when I have a day off, I usually lie in bed all night long, watch some TV or read a book or something like that. I love doing absolutely nothing, I’m extremely good at that when I get the chance!

Well, we’ve got that in common! So, which TV shows are you recommending then?

Oh, Pose Season 2. It’s on BBC iPlayer! It’s just, ‘Oh My God!’ In the first episode, I was already bawling like a baby; it’s just so beautiful and so tragic and yeah, it was amazing. I’ve been watching Strictly [Come Dancing], RuPaul’s Drag Race UK, and just reading lots of books on feminism and fluidity. I just read that great book, called ‘Mother Camp’. It’s about female impersonators in America, it was written a long time ago. It was super fascinating to read about drag and all that in such a pre-revolutionary era, and so many things were actually quite similar. It was really fascinating!

Sounds amazing! Good recommendations. Going back to work, how was the whole experience of Celebrity Big Brother? Congrats on winning!

Haha, I think when you win, all of it has been wonderful. If I hadn’t won, I’d probably be like ‘Oh, this happened, and oh god, that happened’. But I have really fond memories of it all. It was so wonderful because the reasons for me were mainly that I was sitting with people, talking to people respectfully – whether it was sexuality, or gender, very sensitive subjects which people tend to polarise. People, I think, just appreciated me and the conversations. That part of myself is one of my favourite things – talking to people and hopefully sharing my story, and hoping to bring understanding in times like these.

The interesting thing was when it came down to me and Ann Widdecombe who has literally voted against every single right against LGBTQ+ in all of her years in the Parliament, so basically everything that I stand for and that I am. She not only had a different opinion but literally legislated against queer people, women’s rights, the environment and more, all across the UK. And even though she had those views, we still remained civilised but, of course, distanced. It was kind of like a Brexit, Courtney vs Ann! Although I’m sure the actual Brexit is more important than me winning [laughs]. Let’s see if we even get the Brexit though!

Oh dear, let’s hope we won’t! You said you’re currently in London – considering you’re from Australia and have found major success in the States as well, what made you want to settle down in London for now?

I was living in the US for eight years, and although things might have been a little tumultuous over here in terms of politics and Brexit, it’s practically smooth sailing compared to Donald Trump and his administration. I lived there for eight years and loved the understanding that came to live in a country. We see the world through media and press, but I realised how much I really don’t know about the US at all. So living there, during an Obama era which was much nicer, I came to appreciate the US.

But then after Celebrity Big Brother, it was a calling to come here and I grew to love the country even more. The UK has a long-standing history of camp and queer and punk, and whereas there are posh institutions, there is also this other side that respectfully co-exists, which is all about diversity, and drag and queer identities in the media. You’ve got people like La Rue, Boy George, Graham Norton and so many more on UK television. Whereas in America, you are starting from the bottom and trying to educate people. Like I mentioned early, I’m going to the BBC to discuss politics. The US doesn’t have a broadcaster that is as dignified as the BBC and also, I would have never been invited at a broadcaster in America. Here, there is a respect and it’s not just about how sensational you are!

Gender equality, pride, drag and everything around it is starting to finally become recognized worldwide by everyone. People are getting woke. Why do you believe people who are not in this scene are only properly respecting it now, and not earlier?

I think there has been so much more visibility now. And visibility always leads to understanding. There are TV shows about drag and queer identity, which has made it really accessible to a wide audience. Drag Race is predominantly watched by females aged 16-35. That filters through. Sexual and gender revolution have been going on with the likes of Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner for example. Caitlyn is a visible person and brought a lot to the conversation. I think this is really the first time that we’ve had some transmissibility around gender. The examples of people, like Laverne Cox, are just really interesting people and so public. Of course, there is still misinformation but there is a lot of conversation going on.

Even with RuPaul’s Drag Race – I keep reading about it all the time and people really seem to love it!

It’s such a fun show that celebrates identity, creativity and has drama that people love about reality TV in general. But there is a real hots for the show. The fashion and creativity elements make it belong to the fashion industry which makes it so cool. It’s just a brilliant celebration about drag and a middle finger to what society thinks of us.

How did your appearance on the show change the way people respond to you, in particular?

Drag Race Season 6, when I started out, aired in 2014 and I had been living in the US since 2011. I just started touring around the world and through the States. I was constantly performing and earning money. I’ve done shitty jobs in gay bars, don’t get me wrong, but then we decided to tour and perform in bigger venues. And when it came to the UK it became hugely popular. And during that time, I was performing in Edinburgh for the first time, and everyone came to see me because they watched Drag Race. And then I started working on so many things, and I feel like it really changed the global way people view drag, and I got to be a part of that.

Do people come up to you a lot and ask for photographs?

Yes, for sure! When I was in Bangkok with my ex-boyfriend last weekend, he was asking me the exact same question when we had lunch, literally! And then someone came up and asked, ‘Excuse me, are you Courtney Act?’, so I was like ‘Oh, perfectly timed, haha!’ Sometimes people just hug me, and I just hug back. And they are like ‘How are youuu, oh my god’ and I just go along. They’re usually respectful, but I have learned that I’m kind of public property in a gay bar – so I pick and choose where and when I go out! But I do get a lot of discounts and more, so it’s not all that bad [laughs]!

[Laughs] I bet!  

Live performances and being on TV must be two different things; you do both. Which one do you personally enjoy more and why?

They’re different. I love performing live, it’s so exciting and also easier. I did a Christmas special for Channel 4, and it was a big live show, but on TV. I love performing with a live band. I love honing and crafting, and finding out what the audience loves; it’s so gratifying.

Sounds like you are living your best life!

I kind of am! We had this offer for a big TV show in the States and I was so hoping it would happen, but then I was like ‘Meh, even if it won’t happen, I will still do my cabaret show and tour all around the world’. So, I’m doing what I love either way!

Besides your cabaret show, what else does your future hold?

Well, the music alongside the cabaret show is exciting because sometimes music in pop is sometimes pointless in a way. You put it out, a few people listen, and it costs a lot to make and create videos. But we are sort of packaging the music into my live show, so I’m excited to put my original music out.

Also, I have a different TV project that I’m working on. Also, I’m working on YouTube videos in which I want to discuss political topics and current affairs, sort of like a web series. It seems like a lot of people don’t know what is going on in the world, so I want to give them an understanding!”

Courtney’s interview for 1883 Magazine - November 26, 2019

[shazyloren]

The Room: chapter 16 - Attacking the Heads

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12710496/chapters/29862270

------------

Jon Snow was concerned about Daenerys Targaryen.

It was all over the school that they were being civil to one another, even that he'd been cracking jokes to cheer her up. People would whisper and gossip every time they walked by and it was actually starting to get on Jon's nerves. It wasn't that they were gossiping, it was school, this always happened. And they'd eventually move onto something less trivial in a few days time. It was more that he didn't understand why he was trying to cheer her up, she'd never gone out of her way to cheer him up, or even be nice to her. Yet here he was.

Jon longed to understand what was going on in the mind of his fellow head, that he could somehow make her feel better about the stuff that was happening to her, whatever it was. But he also knew it just wasn't his place to know, the trust would come eventually and should satisfy him. But it didn't, he found himself wanting to understand her every waking moment. He spent all his time that wasn't on school work or family issues or head duties thinking on her and her sad aura she'd been giving off as of late.

And now, as they held their prefect meeting, he found himself less concentrated on the subject at hand (heavy sanctions for incorrect uniform) and more concentrated on how Daenerys' usually bright violet eyes were so dull they were almost black. He watched her as her lips moved, as they sang sweetly in the form of her stern voice. He was almost certainly losing his mind if he was referring to Daenerys as sweet.

Shaking the weird energy out of his body he refocused and caught some of the conversation. "The uniform rule is there for a reason; I'm not saying give detentions for first time abusers of the rule, but a warning is needed. Beauxbatons and Durmstrang will be with us in just over a weeks time and so I would prefer it if we could set a good impression on them all. Detentions for repeated abuse of the rules is needed however-"

"And how do we know we've not told off someone who was already told off a few hours ago by someone else on the other side of the castle" Jazzalyn Quench, A fifth year Slytherin spoke. There was a muttering of agreeance with her, but Daenerys was prepared.  They were always prepared when she asked the questions. Jon and Daenerys had spoke earlier in the day to come up with a way to communicate with the rest of the prefects about punishments and points deductions that had been given out.

"We were hoping you'd say that" Daenerys smiled before picking up some small pocket sized notebooks, all the same and enough for every single prefect and the head girl and boy. "These are personal notebooks charmed specifically for us prefects. We spoke with Headmaster Lannister and he has put the enchantment on them himself. Now, every time you write a name in here and what they were told of or punished for, it will appear in everyone's notebook"

"That's genius!" Robb spoke enthusiastically as he took one and passed the rest on.

"Thank you, dear brother. So now, let me show you how it works. Say I was to write Joffrey Baratheon up for bullying a first year-" There was a smattering of laughters at this. The prefects had lost count how many detentions and how many points they had deducted from Slytherin over the years because of Joffrey. "You must write the name, the house, what they were doing and the punishment you gave. And that way we can all stay informed on who's been dealt what. With the other schools coming, it's so important we make the right impression"

"Please be wary to write the time when you give the sanction. We do not want anyone to be written twice in the same ten minute period if they've not had a chance to fix themselves up" Daenerys reminded. "We may be trying to make the school look smarter but we also don't want to come down on everyone like a ton of bricks"

Jon found it interesting how confident she was speaking in front of the other prefects. She'd also had no confidence in herself, or so everyone who was in lessons with her had told him. He knew that in Defence she struggled, but he did not realise that in Charms too, while her theory was strong her practical application was weak. But now, standing in front of everyone, she held the room in silence, you would be able to hear the drop of a quill.  

"Meeting's over, don't forget curfew is nine tonight so there's no need to start patrol right after dinner" Daenerys reminded everyone. They all packed their bags away and began to filter out of the room one by one. "You need to speak more in meetings and stare at me less"

Jon did a double take. "What?"

"Being head boy ang girl is a two person job and I'm not the only person in this two person job. So stop staring at me and actually engaage in what I'm saying rather than wishing I'd shut up" Daenerys accused. Jon felt his defence go up.

"I don't wish you'd shut up, sometimes my brain shuts off when you speak because I'm tired or whatever but I don't stare at you wishing you'd be quiet" Jon said confused. Daenerys just packed her stuff up ready to go to dinner. "Quite the opposite, I love you're passionate about showing off this school to the others when they come"

"You wished I talked more?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh no, not more. You talk enough, enough for a lifetime" Jon smirked. Daenerys blinked before smiling herself. There was a small second of silence after their laughter died down, a moment when you could hear their relationship evolving. But rather than listen to it, Jon changed the subject. "Urgh, I'm so hungry. Jazzalyn Quench's questions can be so obnoxious to get through. I feel like we've been in this room for like, twelve hours!"

"I know, but it's not our fault that these fucks do nothing but talk" Daenerys agreed. Jon's eyes went wide. Daenerys saw. "What?"

"These fucks?" Jon laughed.

"They're fucks and you know it" She scoffed.

"Aye, I do" He found himself agreeing with her again. What is happening to me?  "None more so than my brother and Theon"

"Please, Theon and Robb are a piece of pie to control in comparison to Gendry Waters and Laurie Berkel in Hufflepuff. The constant laughter is just one big punch in the face after the other. They're Like children" Daenerys laughed as they left their Prefect meeting room on the Seventh floor. The walk down to dinner was going to be long and tedious, meaning they didn't have much time to eat as their head meeting with Professor Lannister was at seven and it was already quarter to six. Not to mention Jon would then have to walk all the way back up to the seventh floor for his common room.

"Well, they're good at their jobs, that's all I care about" Jon shrugged as they walked side by side. The halls were empty, everyone would be at dinner by now, only the odd straggler was around already finishing dinner and making their way to their respective common rooms. "Seems awfully quiet"

"It's fish and chip night" Daenerys shrugged. Once a month the great hall offered fish and chips, and it was the tastiest meal of the month. Jon felt his stomach rumble in response, he had forgotten tonight was that night. Daenerys laughed at the sound of his stomach. "Wow, sounding like thunder there, Snow"

They were about to come to the end of the corridor and turn right when Daenerys hands shot out and pulled him back around to stay were they was. As this happened, a blast of blue light sped past them and hit the painting of Edward Rabnott causing him to flee down back where they came from. Jon's heart was in his mouth. Daenerys had just prevented him from getting hit by a stunning spell. A powerful one, he'd never seen a fellow student produce such a huge blast.

"W-what was that?" Dany whispered as they both stay against the wall. They were in very close proximity to one another and Jon thought for a moment he could smell coconuts. His breathing increased suddenly before disappearing as the realisation of what had happened settled in. They were being attacked by something.

"No idea, but thanks for not letting me get stunned" He says breathless as he crawls up to the corner in an attempt to hear something. It's dead silent, only the cries of a distant painting's child at the disturbance. "I need to see who it is, or what it is"

"Jon, you'll get your head blown off if you peer around the corner, you idiot!" Daenerys hissed. It felt to Jon like a personal attack on either himself or Daenerys and if it was a fellow student he'd wager it was probably meant for Daenerys. If they knew where they were, it had to be a prefect or a teacher, no one else knew they'd be in the prefect meeting. Jon never said any of this though, he didn't want to start pointing fingers even if he knew he was right.

"Daenerys stay back" Jon, to the protests of Daenerys, slowly peaked his head around to try and see something. His head whipped back around when he saw the light coming at him rapidly. "Merlin's beard"

"Merlin's beard indeed! You could've gotten yourself killed, we're suppose to die in the tournament not in the flipping seventh floor corridor!" Daenerys cried as she jumps from the shock of the light. She looked behind her and Jon followed her eye line. They only saw classrooms they could hide in."How do we get out of here?"

There hear faint laughing down from the hall they were suppose to be going, it was a cold and high laugh, a male voice for certain. Jon looked around at his surroundings, trying to figure out what options they had. The only things behind them was the Gryffindor common room and the divination towers.

However, opposite them, was the portrait of Temeritus Shanks, whose portrait came out at the library entrance. This could be a way to get out and to the headteachers office. But Jon didn't have the password, or the headline from the front page of the Daily Prophet to bribe him with like usual. He eyed the portrait up and saw Shanks wasn't even in is frame, so not only would they have to get a profit but they'd have to lure him back. "There, he's our way out - only I don't have the Daily Prophet from today!"

"The Daily Prophet?" Daenerys blinked furiously, her face slapped with confusion and strain from the tense situation. As they spoke, another flash of light hit the wall, this time destroying the painting of Edward Rabnott by setting it on fire. Jon always assumed the portraits were safe and fireproof, but clearly this was not the case. The wizard in question, shad come round full circle and was wailing about the damage done to his frame.

"Shanks loved gossip and headlines. He changed his password once a week and the only way to get the password from him is to tell him the headline of the day from the Daily Prophet; he's the only way we're going to get out of this corridor and to the Headmaster" Jon explained quickly as he pulled his wand out of his pocket and stand right against the edge of the corner.

"I have today's prophet in my bag" Daenerys's hand delved deep into her bag and pulled out an almost unfolded version of today's prophet. The title read, 'Tournament Concerns From Minister'. Jon sighed in relief that at least one part of the puzzle was slotting into place.

"Okay, I'm gonna throw a blast down the hallway to distract them" Jon started. Daenerys eyes widened as she realised that she was gonna have to run across the hall without getting blasted. "I'll throw up a shield, and if you're lucky you'll get across"

"I don't like these odds" Daenerys whispered.

"Neither do I but I'm not sitting here to grow old with you as my only company Daenerys" Jon snorted. Daenerys rolled her eyes. "Now, as soon as that blast is shot, you start running, by the time his blast gets down here my shield will be up" Jon took a deep breathe. "How powerful his shots are, my protego will probably last two hits - so you gotta run fast"

Daenerys eyes widened. Jon felt her panic and fear, he placed his hand on hers as they looked at each other. He squeezed tightly, her eyes growing wider as her lips wobbled. hey parted so she could mumble. "I'm ready"

Jon nodded and took his lace back at the corner. He peered his head around the corner and hid it once more as another blast came towards them. As soon as it past, he wordlessly sent a confringo curse down the hall nd immediately through his protego up. Daenerys scrambled and ran as two blasts hit his shield in quick succession. She dived with all her things to the floor and rolled with her bag until she was safe on the other side of the wall.

"Good girl" Jon nodded as he brought his shield down and hid again before another blue light hit the back wall. Daenerys scrambled up from off of the floor and put her hands on her knees as she breathed heavily. She spat on the floor, Jon was worried she was goign to throw up. Jon's ears however pricked up when the voice grew a little louder. The attacker was daring to come closer. "Shit"

"Jon, I'll throw a curse and shield now while you run" Daenerys offered. Jon had to laugh.

"No offence Daenerys but I've seen your practical Defence skills and I think I could do a better job in my sleep" Jon sighed as blasts and curse started being flung at an increased rate. Daenerys went redded than the colours of his own house.

"Well then how do you propose you get across?!" She almost shouted at him.

"I've got something, but it's mad" Jon said as he almost cried while laughing. Daenerys looked even more worried than before. "You just work on getting that bloody portrait open for us! I'd hate to be able to cross this hallway and die trying to get a snarky wizard to let us into his portrait!"

"Okay, I can do that" Daenerys nodded and started tapping on the portrait frame and trying to use all matter of summoning spells. Jon would throw the odd hex down, some blasting others fire curses, nothing that would do major harm. he even tried expelliarmus but ended up hearing a portrait complain of losing their glasses instead. "He won't come! Merlin, Shanks!"

"Daenerys, anytime now would be fucking great!" Jon cussed as a stinging hex caught his foot which was accidentally poking out. It felt like forever until the portrait showed up, annoyed that he'd been called back from his post in the library. Daenerys screamed at him for ignoring him and he threatened her he would leave. "Daenerys, I don't wanna die tonight!"

"Shanks please, Tournament Concerns for Minister!" She yelled as she held up the Prophet and showed him the date, almost pressing it against his canvas she was so close to it. "We're about to be murdered by a physco, we need passage out of here, we're cornered!"

"Quiet girl, you're being very loud" The painting huffed.

"DAENERYS!" Jon yelled as he heard the arguments unfold. "GET THAT PORTRAIT OPEN NOW OR IM GONNA DIE!"

The portrait heard Jon's voice and sighed in defeat. His password for the rest of the week was 'Journalism' and so he swung open. Daenerys climbed inside and watched as Jon breathed in deeply. "Jon get over here, it's open!"

"Good. Now as soon as I fling this curse I'm gonna run straight to you without a shield, there's going to be a lot of push back off of this spell so as soon as I cast it, I need you to start running into the passage. Even with his portrait shut I don't know of the consequences if it will affect us in there" Jon stated. Daenerys looked extremely scared.

"What do you mean you don't kn- YOU'VE NEVER CAST IT BEFORE HAVE YOU?" Daenerys almost barked at him in surprise.

"Not exactly" Jon grinned as Daenerys put her head in the palm of her hand. "I've invented this spell, and haven't really properly tested it yet" Daenerys eyes couldn't get any wider. She looked horrified as she lifted her head up. "Well, here goes nothing. Wish me luck, always need some luck"

The next few moments went by in a blur for Jon. He threw some curses down the corridor for the attacker to deal with before concentrating on the energy he had when he first created this spell over the summer. The feeling of forming this new spell filled him as he began to inhale and exhale quickly. Sending another few blasts he loudly, and forcefully yelled out before pointing his wand down the corridor. "Gelida Crepitus!"

There was a yell of pain and a huge explosion that occurred. Jon ignored it all and legged it to the portrait. As he reached it, he felt the chill take him from his spell. Flinging one last look behind him, as Daenerys ran deeper into the passage, all he saw before the portrait shut was ice everywhere, and a hooded figure crawling towards them as an icicle impaled his leg.