#wow binch

[viandede-porque]

Dog days are over

[kohakhearts]

still havent finished my christmas fic but good-bye christmas theme. i hate christmas im just fucking around anyway

[mrfoox]

Ngl, I need so much more attention and compliments 😔

[bwabys-scenarios]

Fixer Upper

Part 33

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

pt 32

pt 34

warnings: spoilers for the chimera ant arc, violence

A/N: I was going to stop posting Fixer Upper here, but I wanted to just experiment and see if it will do well. If not it’s going to stay on AO3, so COMMENT AND REBLOG IF YOU LOVE THIS SERIES!

taglist: @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @sweetstraberrybear @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr @mama-m1na @nenggie @wicked-binch @jamayah

‼️please have your age in bio and make sure you can be mentioned/tagged before asking to be in the taglist‼️

(Name) collapsed from exhaustion as the timer hit zero. She had finally managed to maintain ren for three hours, her body at its limit.

“Alright, you can go rest now. Once you’ve slept for a few hours, come back and do it again.”

She nodded, barely able to pick herself up and shuffle to her room. It was dark out, the boys had already left to challenge knuckle, and she was glad Bisky understood her limits.

If (Name) was forced to go fight knuckle after maintaining ren for that long, she would pass out before reaching the park.

‘Ugh…’

Lifting a spoonful of soup to her lips, (Name) ate, wincing at the temperature. It wasn’t hot enough to burn her mouth, but warm enough to be uncomfortable.

Bisky might be a bit less hard on her, but the training was still excruciating, and sometimes she just wanted to give up. When (Name) thought about quitting, the image of Kite’s severed arm flying through the air appeared in her mind, strengthening her resolve.

‘We have to save him… if… he’s still alive, that is.’

Taking another bite, she peered outside the window, staring at the full moon. Part of her wondered just exactly how she wandered up here, training until she nearly passed out and only getting a few hours of sleep between sessions.

Maybe if her parents had been better, if she hadn’t taken the Hunter exam, or maybe if Kurapika had chosen her instead of his revenge, she wouldn’t have to suffer like this.

She paused, shaking her head. ‘That’s selfish�� why would I think something like that? Kurapika’s revenge is important to him… I just… wasn’t enough to try and balance friendship and his responsibilities to his clan…’

Her heart hurt, especially when she thought about him abandoning her so easily, as if the time they spent together meant nothing to him. All this time she had been making excuses, trying to tell herself that it was just how life was, but while she was exhausted and frustrated, she couldn’t help but feel a bit of hatred in her heart for him leaving her.

(Name) loved him dearly, saw him as her dearest friend and someone she wanted to be with one day… it made her upset to imagine him seeing her as nothing but someone to pass time with. Maybe that was all she had been, someone that would comfort him and be a shoudler to cry on until he didn’t need it anymore.

Until his heart hardened enough to where comfort wasn’t necessary.

(Name) played with her hair, plopping down on her bed after quickly washing her face and doing her night time routine.

‘I better sleep, Bisky won’t let me rest anymore than a few hours…’

She didn’t want to go to sleep feeling hateful, so (Name) closed her eyes and imagined him holding her close, kissing her head when she thought she was asleep.

It made her feel warm and fuzzy, her cheeks growing hot. One day, she wanted to get that Kurapika back.

Her Pika, not the Kurapika he had become.

——————

(Name) woke up when the sun barely began to peek through the window, shielding her eyes from the light. She then raised both of her arms to shield herself when she was hit again with a pillow, the real reason she had woken up.

“Get up, (Name). Gon and I are going to sleep, but Bisky wants you to go train.”

She whined softly, opening her eyes to see Killua hovering over her, holding a pillow and ready to strike again.

“Killua..? What time is-“

He brought down the pillow again, making her yelp. “H-hey, stop that, I’m up, I’m up!”

As she sat up, Killua huffed. “Finally, I’ve been trying to get you to wake up for 10 minutes.”

(Name) stood, rubbing her eyes before peering out the window. “What time is it? The sun’s barely out…”

“I don’t know… like 6 am? I wasn’t paying attention. Bisky kept throwing things at us.”

She shuffled across the room, opening her closet. “Alright, tell her I’ll be out in a second. Gotta change…”

Killua shrugged and left, leaving her alone to get dressed.

After putting on a simple, airy summer dress, (Name) made her way downstairs. Bisky was perched on a stool, looking at a… suspicious magazine. The front cover had a half naked man on the front, making (Name) raise an eyebrow, but she stayed silent.

“I see you’re up. Start ren.”

“Ren? But I haven’t had breakfast-“

“I’m not repeating myself.”

She tried not to groan, getting into position before starting ren.

Not only did she want to save Kite… but she was getting pretty freaked out by Palm’s ominous warnings.

‘I have to try harder…’

———————

“Ugh…”

(Name) walked on wobbly legs down the street. Her body was exhausted and she felt like she would pass out at any moment.

Between training with Bisky then eating and sleeping, she had little time for herself. So when she was given an hour of free time, she nearly ran to the park.

Well… (Name) couldn’t really run right now persay, but she moved as fast as possible for her exhausted body.

She nearly collapsed on the bench, taking out her phone to scroll mindlessly through social media while snacking.

A smile stretched across her face when she saw a picture of Leorio in his new scrubs, her eyes lighting up when she noticed he was holding a picture of their group.

She liked it before scrolling, nearly jumping out of her skin when someone cleared their throat in front of her.

It was that guy with the pompadour again!

“Uh… hello. You’re Knuckle, right?”

He nodded, narrowing his eyes at her. “And you’re friends with the two boys I’m fighting against,”

She blinked in confusion, tilting her head. “I- how did you-“

“Yesterday I fought against them and came back the their hotel room. You were asleep on the couch.”

(Name)’s cheeks heated up, and she scratched the back of her head sheepishly. “Ah, yeah… I was tired from training.”

Knuckle looked her up and down, frowning. “From what they said, you’re the one that’s going with the winners, right?”

She set aside her snack, turning off her phone. “Apparently, yeah. I’m not quite sure why Chairman Netero chose me, but I’m going anyways so I’m here to support Gon and Killua as much as I can.”

The man nodded, crossing his arms. “And how has that been going so far?”

A frown appeared on her face. In her mind, she hadn’t really done much of use. Despite being several years older than Gon and Killua, she was nowhere near their strength and amount of determination. All (Name) wanted to do was help her friends… and keep Kurapika out of her mind.

“Honestly? Not great. I feel so weak and helpless, and I think I’ll be more of a burden to the team if I’m the one that goes to NGL again. I don’t know why the chairman said I’m going for sure instead of Gon and Killua. They both have so much more skill and experience than I do in battle.”

“But are they as experienced in life as you?”

This made her pause, her eyes flicking up to look at him. “What do you mean?”

He shifted his weight, letting out a grunt. “Those boys may be strong, but they’ve had strength their whole lives. Neither of them truly knows what it means to be utterly weak and defenseless… but you do. You can better understand the battlefield from a different point of view.”

This was something she hadn’t considered. Knuckle offered her a hand, a smile on his face. “If strength is something you want, I can help.”

(Name) hesitantly took his hand, and the two wandered off to begin training.

——————

Kurapika scrolled through his old messages with (Name), laughing to himself at some silly pictures. It had been a rough day with missions going wrong and lots of whining from Neon, so he allowed himself a few minutes of rest.

And he couldn’t help but take out his phone and scroll to her blocked number.

His soft brown eyes took in her sweet smile and read through her jokes and kind words. He got so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed Melody calling for him until she was looking over his shoulder.

“Oh, is that (Name)?”

Kurapika jumped, his phone slipping from his hand and landing on the floor. He scrambled to pick it up, but Melody got there before he did. On the screen was a picture of (Name) in a bathing suit eating ice cream.

“Oh…”

Melody cleared her throat and handed the phone back to him, clearly a bit flustered and uncomfortable. “Apologies, I should have knocked. You’re a teenager, I didn’t even think that you’d be uh… looking at things like this.”

Kurapika nearly died on the spot, his face going red. “N-no, it’s not what it looks like! I was… just looking at old pictures we sent to each other.”

Melody paused, hearing a sorrowful song being sung by his heart. She let out a sigh, turning back towards him.

Although she wanted him and (Name) to reconcile, she could tell that him lingering on her memory while keeping distant was only hurting him.

“Don’t you think it’s… best to leave it alone? I’m not sure it’s fair to either of you if you’re going to act like this.”

His eyes turned scarlet, and he shoved his phone into his pocket before standing. “I don’t think it’s any of your business, Melody.”

“I think it is when you’ve been getting sloppy during missions, Kurapika! You get drunk at night then wake up so hungover you can barely work. How is that fair to the other body guards? Either work this out or…”

She stopped, placing a hand to her temple. “Either go back to her or don’t. If you’re going to break off the friendship, then you can’t be wishy-washy like this. It’s not healthy.”

Kurapika settled back into his chair as she left, staring down at his phone screen. Tears pooled in the corner of his eyes before he swiped them away.

His finger hovered over the delete button… and he clicked it over and over, getting rid of most of their messages and memories.

——————-

“Concentrate, (Name). If you can’t hit me, you won’t get any stronger.”

Sweat pooled down her forehead, her shirt soaked. It had been nearly two hours since (Name) began training with Knuckle, and he had only landed a single hit on him the whole time. His ability was annoying, but it was good practice sparring with him.

“Come on, just one more punch and you’ll get a break. Try again.”

She bit her lip, trying to focus and keep calm as he stood before her. Knuckle hadn’t been going easy on (Name), she had specifically asked him to fight her seriously… but god was she exhausted and ready for a break.

All of her nen focused into her fists, surprising him. She wasn’t one to be so reckless… Perhaps this could be a good development.

She sped up the very air around her fists, causing it to get hot enough to have him wincing when she thrust her fist forward.

Indirectly, she had hit him with an attack.

“That was… smart.”

He sat down, passing her a bottle of water, which she downed almost immediately. After collapsing on the grass, she caught her breath before speaking.

“Do you… think I’m getting any stronger? There’s only one more day until I leave for NGL…”

Knuckle waited until she had calmed down before he spoke. “I think you are stronger than you were a week ago.”

She blinked, then smiled, a big genuine smile. Before he could even react, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

“Thanks for this, Knuckle. I really appreciate it.”

The man was left a stuttering mess as (Name) stood up and brushed off her skirt. “I’ve got to get back home and start training with Bisky… that woman won’t tolerate any lateness.”

With a wave, (Name) ran off.

That night, she sat up in bed when she heard the alarm for the boys 3 hour ren training going off.

Opening the door, she peeked out to see Gon and Killua looking quite serious… though they were both grinning ear to ear.

“Are you boys going out again?”

Gon turned, giving her a smile. “Yep, today we’re going to fight him for real!”

(Name) rubbed her eyes as she walked in, still in her pajamas. “I see… I think you’ll do well, and I wish you the best.”

The two were pulled into her arms, a kiss placed on both of their heads. “Just… know that you’re both very strong and smart boys, sometimes… Even though you try your hardest, you can still fail. That’s life.”

Killua frowned, his head rested on her chest as Gon looked up at her. “We’re going to do it, (Name)! We’ll give it our all!”

She giggled, ruffling his hair. “I know you will. Now-“

The sound of paper tearing made them all jump. Palm was scribbling something terrifying onto paper, muttering something barely legible under her breath.

‘Yikes, I’m just glad I won’t be here tomorrow.’

————————

(Name) woke up in the morning, whining softly as she turned. It was Killua again… except this time, he looked devoid of hope.

She was instantly wide awake, throwing back her blanket so she could pull him into her arms. “Killua, sweetheart, what’s the matter? Are you okay?”

He sighed, letting her coddle him for a moment. It felt nice, after how awful his night had been.

“We… didn’t win.”

(Name) had expected as much. Killua and Gon waste my weak by any standard, but at the moment Knuckle was leagues ahead of them. From pure battleground experience alone, he had the advantage.

“I couldn’t fight… I kept…”

Killua choked up, clutching her sleeve. “I kept hearing my older brother’s warning… he always told me to never fight someone if I wasn’t sure I could win… how can I be friends with Gon if I can’t fight by his side!?”

She held him as he cried tears of frustration. He was so angry with himself for being weak, for being afraid.

“Killua, baby…”

There wasn’t much she could say or do, so she quietly pushed back his hair and kissed his forehead. “Maybe you should think about it for a while, sweetheart. Do you think Gon thinks the same way you do?”

Killua was silent, and she wasn’t even sure he heard her. The two stayed like that for a few minutes before he wiped his tears. “… Knuckle and Shoot said you need to be packed up by 3 pm. You’re leaving with them then.”

There was a look of hesitance on his face, and he gripped her sleeve tighter. “Are… you sure you want to go? It’s going to be dangerous, (Name).”

“I know, and I’m sure.”

She stood up, walking over to her dresser. “I’m going to pack, you can stay in here if you want.”

And he did.

(Name) stretched after stepping out of the van, leaning her head against Knuckle. It was strange, he seemed so fidgety after their training the day before.

“Knuckle.”

“Hmm?”

Gon stood before him, Knuckle’s nen technique still clinging to his shoulder from their fight. “Promise me… you have to save Kite!”

“Got it. I promise I’ll bring him back. I swear on this token.”

(Name) gave them both a hopeful, nervous smile, waving as she left. The two watched her go, both trying their best to stay strong.

———————

(Name) walked into NGL, wearing the clothes she had during her previous trip. Almost immediately she was pulled into a hole, yelping and falling onto her butt.

“Eek!”

Knuckle and Shoot landed across from her on their feet, getting into a fighting stance immediately. Knov and Morel stood before them, both of their gazes on (Name).

“We were told you have healing abilities, yes?”

(Name) was escorted to the chimera ant colony, where she was brought into the queen’s room. The ground was crunchy underneath her shoes, and the air was thick with tension.

There were doctors already working on her, and (Name) could tell that the creature was far past any saving.

“Hello…”

She knelt beside the queen, looking over her wounds. The doctor to her left spoke.

“Several organs have been damaged beyond repair, and she’s lost a lot of blood.”

(Name) frowned, looking over her body. “I’m… not sure I can do anything. If she had a missing limb or large cut, I could accelerate her atoms to heal faster. My ability speeds up time, if her organs are damaged or gone, all my ability will do is kill her faster, not heal her.”

The heart monitor started to slow, and the ant queen reached out her hand. She was trying to speak.

“Please! Please, you have to do something!”

A chimera ant named Colt grabbed her shoulders. “Anything, please!”

(Name) bit her lip, reaching out her hand. She tried to remember how it felt when Kurapika snapped at her… how time seemed to slow down and stretch forever.

Knov and Morel stared on in awe and disbelief, watching as the ant queen’s heart monitor slowed.

“I’ve stalled her organs failing… please, let her speak.”

‘She… slowed down time? Even for just a localized area, that’s an incredible feat!’ Morel thought, peeking over (Name)’s shoulder.

(Name) didn’t hear a single thing the queen said, all of her energy was spent on stalling just a little longer, keeping time still.

“She’s gone…”

With those words, (Name) collapsed covered in sweat. Shoot was closest, catching her before she hit her head.

——————

(Name) woke up in a feverish haze, her body feeling heavy and way too hot. As her eyes struggled to open, she heard something faint and distant.

Someone was speaking to her, trying to get her attention.

“(Name)..?”

As the fuzziness in her eyes began to fade a bit, she was finally able to focus on the figure sitting next to her bed.

“Ch… chairman… Netero..?”

The man before her had a calm look on his face, leaning back in his chair before speaking. “You’re awake. It’s been four days since you temporarily stopped time.”

“Four days!?”

She jolted up, nearly vomiting after the sudden movement jostled her.

“Easy there. Lay back down, there’s no need to rush. We need you to recover as quickly as possible, and that can’t happen if you’re trying to rush things.”

(Name) blinked her bleary eyes, settling back down and putting her head over her forehead. “You need me..? Why? I did one thing and now I’ve been out of commission for days.”

“You stopped time, (Name). That can be very useful to us.”

She huffed, looking around the room before her eyes settled on a glass of water. “I only slowed down time temporarily for a localized area. It's not enough to help anyone, much less-“

He handed her the cup of water.

“You kept the ant queen alive long enough for her to tell the others the King’s name. That’s crucial information tha can be used as a bargaining chip. It seems you don’t understand the potential you have and the impact your powers can have on the future.”

Netero watched her drink, sighing. “Slowing down time is something impossible, I’m not even sure how you were able to do it. When creating something with nen or performing an ability, it has to have some basis in reality.”

“Well…”

(Name) set the glass beside her, wiping the leftover water from her mouth. “All I did was imagine a moment where time seemed to slow down for me, and-“

“And you transferred that ability into nen! My girl, you’re quite clever, aren’t you?”

For the first time, Netero seemed genuinely impressed. He stood, walking over to a table and picking something up.

“Here, it’s your bag. I’m sure Gon and Killua will want to know what’s happening.”

He turned and walked towards the door.

“An enhancer will be coming by in an hour or so to help with the healing process. You should be good as new within a day or so.”

He paused, turning to look at her. “And make sure you don’t tell anyone about your ability. There are many people that would kill to be able to stop time… even for just a moment.”

With that, he left, closing the door behind him.

—————-

(Name) winced as Gon jumped into her arms, nearly knocking the wind out of her.

“Hey, hey, I’m alright…”

She frowned, petting his hair. Gon was completely quiet, his face hidden in her shoulder as he clutched her tightly.

‘He’s already nervous about Kite, I’m sure knowing I was in the hospital scared him…’

Killua stood by her bedside, reaching out to hold onto her shirt. The way Killua showed how he worried for her was pretty cute.

“Chairman Netero said I’ll be fine. An enhancer came by and checked on me a minute ago.”

The two seemed to relax a bit, smiling as they not got comfortable in her hospital bed.

“Ahh, now it’s cramped.”

They watched tv for a bit, eating hospital food and laughing. “You both seem like you’re in a better mood!”

“Yeah, that’s because Knuckle said he found Kite!”

(Name)’s face lit up at Gon’s words, and she couldn’t help but laugh. “Wait, seriously? That’s amazing!”

Killua looked out the window, his eyebrows furrowed.

‘Knuckle seemed troubled when he told us… something is up.’

But he stayed quiet, not wanting to ruin the good vibes. Gon had been training so hard to save Kite… and Killua really wanted to believe everything would be okay.

The three spent the next few days together, sharing their experiences. They were both shocked to learn about her new ability.

“YOU STOPPED TIME!?”

(Name) quickly covered his mouth, shushing him. “Shh, I'm not supposed to tell anyone! It’s dangerous information….”

“Then why the hell did you tell us!?”

She sighed, giving him a smile. “Because you two are my friends.”

Killua quieted at that, hugging to try and hide his embarrassment and happiness. “Yeah, yeah…”

Gon leaned her head on his shoulder, smiling. “You’re both my friends, and… I care a lot about you both!”

Killua threw a pillow at him, his cheeks pink. “Oh will you both stop it with the sappy stuff!?”

Gon and (Name) giggled at him, making Killua even more flustered.

(Name) wishes times like these could last forever… but that could never be. Something felt wrong, there was going to be more pain and heartbreak sooner than she wanted…

But there was nothing she could do for now, so she held onto them both, trying her best to be their rock as the days passed by.

—————

Walking down the dark stairway to meet Kite for the first time in months should have been exciting… but all the three felt as they were guided into uncertainty was a nervous, anxious feeling.

Not a single one of them thought everything was okay. Even Gon had a strange expression on his face, half way hopeful, half way dreading what was going to be behind the door.

She put her hand on his back, smiling softly before giving him his space.

If she could stop time right then, she would have done everything in her power to keep Gon from seeing Kite in his current state.

Covered in stitches, staggering and twitching like a zombie. He had been shrunken down by Shoot’s ability, but grew to his full size when let out of his cage.

(Name) tried to stay strong for the boys, but tears threatened to fall from her eyes as she gazed at the man she had admired.

She could tell just from a glance that he had no more life inside of him. He was just a walking corpse with no nen or voice. There was no more communicating with him, he couldn’t be fixed…

Yet Gon walked towards him, allowing himself to be punched as he said it was okay.

(Name) winced, covering her mouth as Gon attempted to speak with him. It was heartbreaking…

Killua couldn’t move, couldn’t say a single word. His eyes were transfixed, moving to follow every strike Kite landed on Gon.

He was finally able to speak, broken from his trance when (Name) reached out to hold his hand and squeeze it gently to comfort him.

The others spoke, but (Name) didn’t hear a thing. The only thing she was focused on was how she would try to heal Gon with her nen after this.

If he would even let her.

Killua helped her up the stairs as they left, letting her lean against him. She was still weak from her overexerting her nen output…

While they walked, Knuckle came up from behind, taking her other arm. “Here, let me help.”

Though Killua really disliked the fact Knuckle had gotten so friendly with (Name), he allowed him to help. He seemed to put (Name) at ease…

“Is… Gon going to be okay?”

The group was sitting in a cafe now, watching as (Name) joined them at the table. She smiled, but it was obvious she was forcing it. “Physically, he’s fine. I healed him up… but…”

Everyone knew what was going unsaid. Gon was in emotional turmoil, struggling to cope with the current situation.

“… there’s still a few weeks before his Nen will be restored.” Knuckle stated, sipping on his coffee. “I guess we’ll just have to watch over him until then.”

——————

On the surface, Gon seemed okay, but both Killua and (Name) knew him well enough to understand it was just a facade. He was storing up all of his anger and strength so he could face off against Pitou.

After a few weeks, the ant extermination group met up in a relatively crowded restaurant, (Name) sitting between Killua and Knuckle as they watched the TV over head.

“What is the agenda behind the sudden flurry of activity recently observed in East Gorteau? Supreme leader Diego has personally invited all citizens in the capital city Peijing to celebrate the nation’s birth in ten days.”

As the news anchors continued to speak, Morel scoffed. “Colt believes the celebration will be used as a screening.”

“We don’t know what they’ll do with those found to have nen, but 99% of the humans there will die. We must stop it before that happens. Our time limit is ten days.” Knov finished, addressing Gon and Killua.

“What’s the old man up to?”

“He sent an email saying that he’s already inside East Gorteau, but I haven’t heard from him since.” Knov replied to Killua.

“Do you think he’s already been taken out?”

“If he fails to contact us today, we’ve been told to assume as much.”

At that, Knov’s phone began to ring. (Name) but her lip, of course Chairman Netero would call right at that exact moment!

“Speak of the devil, it’s the chairman.”

“That old man’s got some sharp ears.”

“He already knows everything, including the fact that you boys and (Name) are here. And that Morel is badmouthing him.”

The text read as follows:

“Divide into pairs and draw the Royal guard away from the king. The night before the celebration, the operation will begin at midnight. (Name), do not use your nen again until then. From the sharp-eared old man.”

“That guy really scares me…”

(Name) laughed at Morel’s words, but in the back of her mind she wondered why she wouldn’t be able to use her nen until then… what did Netero have planned?

[animatewarriorcats]

Sleekwhisker! She is the bad binch haha. Daughter to Dawnpelt and Crowfrost, Sister of Juniperclaw and Strikestone. She leaves early with Needletail Juniperclaw Cloverfoot and Violetpaw to join the kin, and pretty much forsakes the clans and her literal kin from that point on. She probably helped kill her mom, She definitely drowned a lot of clan cats in the lake, and she remains loyal to Darktail to the end. When after fleeing the lake territories Yarrowleaf becomes pregnant and wants to raise her kits in a more stable enviornment, Sleekwhisker uses her friends' desire as a ticket back into clan good graces, lies to her brothers about wanting to rejoin the clans, and uses babies to lure her grandpa out by himself so she can kill him in cold blood as revenge for a lost childhood. like pop off queen. wow.

I made her a cryptid tortishell, using Crowfrost's white color as her pale grey. Only visible as her 'Rowan' eye spot and a single interior toe spot on her back foot.

[just-haiku-responses]

Actually no! /

I posted it first you binch, /

you can’t stop the truth!

Fun fact: I have a degree in plagiarism

[fic-inspo9000]

Fic Inspiration

Fandom : Star Wars

Sub - Fandom : Prequels & The Mandalorian

Inspo :

Din was getting shot at, then he wasn't for a moment, then he was again. Everyone was still there and he had all his parts attached, but he wasn't fighting kriffing droids anymore. He had just cut off another Verd's head.

( ok so it may not be clear from above but Din and the gang ( Boba, Fennec, Grogu, Paz, you choose etc ) are in a fire fight and then they are in another firefight... But in the past. I kinda saw this as like Jaster is still alive, Din just cut off Tor's / Montross's head with the dark saber ( Because Bo-Katan was like binch ur stuck with kingship now) but it could also totally be Clone Wars or whenever. It could go a couple ways from how I see it. They could get separated from then, or they could stick together with the Jedi/Clones/True Mandos, or absolute chaos and creativity. Din is like 'IDK what is happening but I keep keeping with my code' and everyone from the timeline (ex: Jaster, Obi-Wan, Jango, Cody, Dooku) is like 'wow so majestic look at these ancient warriors brought to us by the force/manda' and the rest of the gang is like 'wow I know we're in the past but imma just not say anything cause this is funny/is a chance to fix everything'. Din as usual ends up killing the BBEG way too early and it continues with funny stuff from there)

[valleeeeejo]

alll righty on to the met gala looks that did the job... and did it correctly in no particular order ofc cause I don't have time to do rankings or anything... plus I would add zendayas look but I feel like everyone has seen both of them everywhere but yea she did the damn thing.

Taylor russell for Loewe

this is like renaissance art... Loewe? more like Louvre. like absolutely sickening

Erykah Badu for Comme Des Garçons

duh... ok at first I didn't like it with the theme.. but then I thought about it and like sure its not giving fairytale princess but that's not Badu so her wearing something from rei a more avant grade designer is like her way of fitting with the theme so I appreciate that... plus I really like the look

Teyana Taylor for The Blonds

YES! YES! YES!!! like her cavaliers benchwarmer ex husband had to admit she looked drop dead gorgoussss no other words. im not familiar designer but it doesn't matter in fact kudos to her that's dope.

Chloe sevigny for Dilara Findikoglu

she ate the theme down that's all I gotta say... this is what I expected to see more of like STANDARD

Sienna miller for Chloe

I love this I feel like it gives woodland fairy it totally encompasses her boho vibe its not that out there which is why I kinda struggled to where I liked it for like any red carpet atmosphere or if it actually fit the theme but again I do feel like its true to Sienna miller's style so ill give it to her.

precious lee for Bad Binch TongTong

again not familiar with this designer but come on do you see those wings the crystal details WOW just wow

Mona Patel for Iris van Herpan

gagged... fav look of the night period... idc idc and the arm pieces moved... STOP just stop

Dove Cameron for Diesel

yes... I saw how she her and her team came to putting this look together on vogue and I just loved how she described it I couldn't have said it better so im not gonna try. but this is again one of those looks where I was like yes read the invite and followed it to a T

Harris Reed for Harris Reed

again renaissance art... sculptural gorgeous both of these looks by Harris reed actually

Demi Moore for Cartier and Harris Reed

giving queen of hearts... yes I love the silhouette

Queen Latifah and Eboni Nichols for Thom Browne

I really don't have much to say about this one I just rlly like it its just soooooo Queen Latifah so yesss auntie you betta work

Eliza Gonzalez rivera for Del Core and Cartier

this dress literally looks like a flower petal and its just sooooo pretty.. I couldn't not say anything

Amelia Gray for Undercover and Messika

I really really like this look... I like how out there it is ... I think its like wicked step sister in a Tim Burton movie I think its really cute idk

Laufey for Atelier Prabal Gurung

pretty sure the theme was like sleeping beauty something something and this dress is deadass giving aurora slay....

Ivy Getty for Conner Ives

in love with this look and I don't have much to say besides that... miss girl nailed it

Jodie Turner-Smith for Burberry and Chopard

absolutely gorgeous and I love the all white with the dark eye makeup and dark blue accents absolutely stunning

Nicki Minaj for Marni

this is so onika and I love it she's like the kitchy fairy godmother like this is how I imagine her in the beginning of my beautiful dark twisted fantasy

Barry Keoghan for Burberry

ok victorian slayyyy and I love the brown velvet and the silver details yess.

Jessica Biel for Ralph and Cartier

again... aurora slay its really about the color and the hair with this look for me... do I digggg the feathers? no but idk it works for the theme

Lana Del Rey for Alexander McQueen

YESSSSSS motherrrrr y'all should know by now I loveee me some Alexander McQueen baby and the lil rose touch... yes a lot of people where just throwing flowers on their looks just to "be on theme" but you can tell this is intentional it works here and she deadass is giving woodland storybook princess

lil nas x for Luar

I really like this look and the draping and the silhouette I think it looks very posh like a wedding cake topper... honestly one of my favorite looks from him... ever

Nelly korda for Oscar del la Renta

at first I thought maybe this dress was too busy and it made it look like a grandma dress HOWEVER I do kinda like how cooky and kitchy this looks maybe I would put the hair up but other than that I kinda diggg this look

Elle Fanning for Balmain and Cartier

Gorgeous regal wow and the shoulders they look like birds pulling cinderella dress up as she was getting ready or whatever... and I love how theres no necklace cause it totally wouldve distracted from this beautiful dress.

Aurora James for Ana Khouri

I diggg the drapery like Taylor Russell and the wood bodice and the wooden jewelry such a nice touch but this definitely is giving renaissance art

[moriibun]

GYM LEADER GRUSHA!! ⋆꙳❅*‧ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

MADE IT TO THE LAST GYM!!!!!! THE GYMS HAV BEEN SO FFUN.. i cry a lil.. i cant believe it ending 4 me..

he is RUDE.. I LOVE HIM!!!! i thougjt hed be more soft ir something.. just cuz he looks so soft.. and i was like aw i luv his design but he prob acts like like meh whatever not cute.. but no.. he is a lil rough u guys.. a binch u could say.. that made me love him just past his design and his character OVERALL!!!!!! >:3 .𖥔 ݁ ˖⋆ ˚❆

OMG HIS SCARF BLIWING UP I WAS LIKE.. wow.. ur pretty boy.. blushes.. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ why da gym leaders so cute i cry when i have to destroy them with my epic powers

BUT YAH THE END THIS MADE ME LAUGH SOO BAD.. suddenly shy.. muahahha

BUT ALL DONE W THE GYMS I GOTTA GO TO THE ELITE 4 BUT IM AFRAID

LUX AND GRUSHA CUTIE PIC!!! EVEN THO HE TRY TI PRETEND HE DONT WANNA TAKE ONE

.𖥔 ݁ ˖⋆ ˚❆ ⋆꙳•❅*°⋆❆.ೃ࿔*:･*❆ ₊⋆ .𖥔 ݁ ˖⋆ ˚❆

[coldslaws-gear-station]

*n pokemon*

First impression: wow cute guy who is autistic and relates more with animals than people and has familial trauma. hes just like me fr

Impression now: read: my entire blog history

Favorite moment: like. all of them. but im especially fond of that one scene where she sees alder and goes "g... gramps :)" alright you fruit im killing you. she's so CUTE. the ferris wheel in pokespe is also fun. not only is the NECKLACE A PHONE, not only do we get to see n being cryptic and weird, not only do we get to see them be a mean binch on the bottom lsft, but we get to see n stimmy. and what more could we ask for really

Idea for a story: ive got too many genuinely. ive made a couple attempts at telling a "ghetsis wins au" story though and never succeeded (and never posted the attempts either). maybe someday. ..

Unpopular opinion: his shoes aren't that bad you guys are just mean

Favorite relationship: for romantic it's piers x emmet x n <3<3<3 a polycule could fix her. for platonic i really like their weird antagonistic friendship with hilda. she hates him but they're also besties. does it make sense? no. but it's fine. also n and volo are an immaculate pairing, both when platonic AND when romantic

Favorite headcanon: hmmmmm. this post could be like 8 pages long but to keep it short (this isn't even necessarily my fave hc, just one that i wish i did more with) i like to hc that n is a lil bit of an artist. they draw or even engrave, and after their brain injury, they take up crochet with alder to try and repair and strengthen the fine motor skills they lost

[mr-deep-downer]

Nocturne gets worse than that. The opera guy gets smoked and then the day after that they just have a revolutionary meeting in the square? For no reason? Even though they now know there's all sorts of evil binches around and should kill them? And then ofc the night creatures attack for the 5th time and metal lady is like NAURRRR MY SWEET OPERA BOY IS A NIGHT CREATURE wow who could have predicted that

yeah I bet the abbot is evil too

meh people should pass on it

[bwabys-scenarios]

Fixer Upper

Part 29.5

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

part 29

part 30

A/N: I completely forgot to include the scene where Kurapika gives reader her gift, so I decided to do that and a little extra!

warnings: pussy eating, soft sex, cockwarming, semi-public sex, angst, Kurapika gets jealous really easy😭😭

taglist: @fabitheraven @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @lemonslut @homeinmydreams @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @monainanuttshell @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr @mama-m1na @nenggie @wicked-binch @jamayah @themanicwriter01

If you’d like to be ADDED to the taglist, please comment a red heart ❤️, make sure you’re able to be tagged/mentioned, and have your age in your bio(IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE TAGLIST, YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK TO BE ADDED AGAIN!!)

After watching movies with the group on Christmas night, Kurapika and (Name) headed upstairs. The blonde had been much too nervous to give her his gift in front of everyone, so instead he waited until they went to bed. He brought her to his room, looking at her shyly.

“(Name), I want to give you your gift now…” he said, a soft smile on his face. (Name) looked up as he sat her on his bed, watching as he reached for the top shelf on his closet.

He grabbed a black bag, his cheeks turning pink as he pulled out a little black box. “Here…”

Kurapika handed the box to her, his eyes soft. She gave him a glance before she opened. “Oh, Pika…”

Inside the box was a golden ring, with a ruby and sapphire shaped into a heart. It glittered and gleamed, making her jaw drop. “Kurapika Kurta, how expensive was this? You didn’t have t-“

Kurapika silenced her by taking the box, pulling the ring out. “I did have to. This ring represents us and our care for each other. You’re important to me, more important than you could ever know. I… want to be with you.”

She teared up, offering him her hand. Kurapika smiled, placing it on her pointer finger. “One day, I hope to put one on your ring finger and make you my wife. But for now, I hope that this is enough…”

Although the ring came with no guarantee of a label on their relationship, she knew for sure it was more than just friendship or friends with benefits.

“Pika… this isn’t a proposal, is it?”

Although (Name) loved him, they hadn’t even started dating or established a label to what they were, she wasn’t ready to marry him.

A proposal had been the plan his inebriated mind had thought of when he bought the ring at the mall nearly a month ago, but thankfully Kurapika came up with something different. Kurapika was sure he’d marry her one day, but he knew she might be scared off if he acted too quickly.

“N-no, it’s not a proposal, it’s just… a promise. I’m promising you that I’ll only have eyes for you, that you will be my one and only…”

She tried to smile, but could only stare at him. “… your one and only? And by that, you mean..?”

“Th-the one I want…”

He was getting nervous, and she didn’t want to push him. If he wasn’t ready to put a label on their love, that was okay for now. (Name) wasn’t very patient after all, but for him she was trying. “Okay, Kurapika. I’ll hold you to that.”

The ring was truly beautiful, and it made her feel a little nervous to think about how much it cost. She also wondered how exactly he knew her ring size, because it fit her perfectly.

“Do you… like it?”

He was blushing intensely, his face almost as red as his scarlet eyes. (Name) couldn’t help but giggle, cupping his cheeks. “I love it. It’s an amazing Christmas present.”

She peppered his cheeks in kisses, causing the blonde to melt with her touch. He was putty in her hands, she could kiss and touch him in whatever way she wanted, and it would make him beg for more.

“I love you, Kurapika…”

His cheek nestled against the palm of her hand as he took in all of her affection and love, letting her play with his hair. She only paused for a moment when he didn’t say it back, still feeling a little disappointed.

Kurapika made it up to her by laying his head on her lap, kissing her thighs. “Wanna… make you feel good. Please.”

It was a little surprising just how needy he’d gotten for her pussy with just having sex twice. Kurapika was already tugging her pants off, looking up with those hazy scarlet eyes. “Please?”

She giggled, opening her legs a little so he could see the wet spot forming on her panties. “Is this what you wanted, Pika?”

He breath hitched, and he could only lean forward to press a kiss on her panties, gently lapping at the juices seeping through. She whined softly as he opened her thighs further, sucking at her clit through the thin fabric of her underwear.

“Mmph, Pika, y-you can take them off-“

He wasn’t listening, his eyes closed as he tongued her hole through her panties, holding onto her thighs as he soaked them with his spit.

She whimpered, lightly tugging at his hair. It felt good, but with her hips bucking and the way she was wiggling to try and get his tongue inside of her, it was clear to Kurapika that his angel needed him.

He pushed her panties to the side, too needy to tug them off completely. His immediately went to her clit, giving it lick after lick before latching on, suckling softly as his fingers pumped in and out of her.

Kurapika could spend all day between her legs if she let him. The taste of her pussy was something he could become addicted to if he wasn’t careful.

Nearly an hour passed by, orgasm after orgasm being drawn out of her pretty pussy until she was pushing at his head. “T-too much!”

He glanced up at her for a second, rubbing soothing circles into her thighs. “Shh, you can take one more, be a good girl and behave for me.”

Kurapika sucked on the fat of her thighs, his fingers pumping in and out of her wet cunt. “Almost there, just a little more angel.”

And with one final orgasm, he finally pulled his head away from her pussy, giving her thighs soft kisses. “There, that wasn’t so bad was it? Such a good girl for me…”

She was a panting mess, her thighs sticky and her forehead covered in sweat. He felt giddy, proud that he could make her feel so good.

“Let’s get some rest, (Name).”

He pulled her into his arms, tucking them both away under his comforter for some snuggles as they fell asleep.

————————

“So, are you in?”

Kurapika and (Name) glanced at each other. After being rudely awoken by Leorio bursting into Kurapika’s room. “No.”

Leorio scowled at Kurapika’s answer, walking over. “I wasn’t asking you, I was asking (Name).”

“No.”

“Pika, stop it.”

The blonde pouted, hiding his face away in (Name)’s face. “Ehem. Leorio, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I don’t know if I’d get a babysitter in time for the kids.”

“What about Dia? She loves you, I’m sure she would babysit them!”

“She’s also an adult and it’s on New Year’s.”

Leorio crossed his arms, pouting along with Kurapika. “Oh come on, you can at least ask her! How am I supposed to throw a New Year’s party without my sunshine?”

She smiled at the pet name, rolling her eyes. “Oh, don’t try to sweet talk me, Leorio. I’ll ask her, but if she says no-“

Kurapika wrapped his arms around her, his face squishing against her breasts. “I don’t want you going…”

She sighed, playing with his hair. “Kurapika… you’re such a brat. Why don’t you just come with me?”

“Because if I wanted to hang around a bunch of drunk college students, I would have went to college.”

(Name) patted his head. Leorio had invited her to his apartment for a New Year’s Eve party. He would be inviting some of his college friends, which consisted of only men that were in his major. Leorio wasn’t bad with women, but he also wasn’t great with them, (Name) being the only female friend he had.

“Oh? So you’re not going?”

“Yeah, and you’re not going either, (Name).”

On the night of New Year’s Eve, the mom van pulled up to Leorio’s apartment. Kurapika got out of the car, opening the door and helping (Name) out.

“So much for not coming, Pika,” she teased, watching as he buttoned up her coat. “And what is this about?”

“College students are perverts. Stay near me, and don’t take a drink from anyone.”

“Kurapika, I don’t think Leorio would be friends with any creeps.”

“You never know, (Name).”

She rolled her eyes, holding onto his hand as he helped her up the stairs. They were a little icy, so he kept a hold on her, watching her feet to make sure she didn’t slip.

“Damn it Leorio, he should have scraped these or… something.”

“Kurapika Kurta, you expect him to scrape the ice off of all these stairs just for me?”

“… I would have done it.”

She felt her cheeks warm up as a smile stretched across her face. “Oh? What a sweetheart.”

He melted under her praise, nearly slipping himself as she smiled at him so brightly. “Careful, you’ll trip!”

They waited outside Leorio’s apartment, huddled together for warmth. “Why the hell is he taking so long? Are you holding? Do you want my c-“

The door swung open, revealing Leorio. He was wearing the shirt Killua and Alluka got him for Christmas. “Hey there stud, how’s the party going?”

Leorio blushed at (Name)’s words, laughing nervously. “Well… it’s going.”

They walked in to see a few men sitting on the couch, some playing Magic the Gathering or watching TV. Kurapika snickered to himself. “I didn’t know all your friends were nerds, Leorio.”

(Name) raised an eyebrow in Kurapika’s direction. “Kurapika, I know you aren’t talking. Just a few days ago you went on a rant about history and how it’s been misrepresented in the media. These are your people.”

Kurapika huffed, crossing his arms. She had a point though, Kurapika wasn’t exactly the popular type, besides being handsome. Or pretty, some people seemed to assume he was a woman upon first meeting.

Speaking of…

“Hey, welcome ladies! I thought this party was going to be a total sausage-fest!”

Kurapika scowled, but was calmed down by a gentle caress from (Name). “Oh, Kurapika isn’t a girl. He’s my…”

She thought for a second, glancing at the blonde for a moment. What were they exactly?

“He’s my… date for the night.”

The hesitation in her voice was like a punch in the gut. Although he was the one that hadn’t put a label on anything, a part of him wish she would call him her boyfriend.

But he couldn’t even call her his girlfriend, so he couldn’t get upset.

“I see… well, come sit with us! We just started a new game.”

(Name) was placed between two men, who immediately began explaining the game to her, letting her look at their cards. She seemed to be having fun, but the men were a bit too friendly for Kurapika’s liking.

“(Name).”

He pushed one of the men out of the way, sitting down and pulling her into his lap. “Let me see your cards, maybe I can help.”

“Oh, yeah you’re really smart, I’m sure you can come up with some sort of strategy!”

Kurapika kept a protective arm around her body, his chin resting on her shoulder as he guided her through the game.

Eventually, the others left to grab some drinks from the kitchen, leaving the two alone.

Kurapika gently caressed her hip, his chin resting on her shoulder. “You know, I never thought I was the type to get jealous before I met you.”

She was confused on what he meant, until his hand slipped under her skirt, moving her panties to the side. “K-Kurapika, you can’t-“

Her face went hot when she felt him slip in, barely covering a moan with her hand. “Shh, angel… you don’t want anyone to hear you, do you?”

She panted softly, trying to wiggle and move her hips for some friction, but only earning a squeeze to her thigh. “Angel… calm yourself, shh…”

The others returned, and Leorio was the first to notice her flustered state. “(Name)? You alright? You look like you might be running a fever…”

He leaned over to feel her forehead, and Kurapika seemed to tighten his grip around her body. Leorio was touching her while Kurapika’s cock was nestled inside of her, it felt naughty!

“I-I’m fine! Just… just a little hot…”

Leorio nodded slowly, watching as the blonde flared at him darkly. “I’ll… get you a drink then.”

The game continued, and she was barely able to focus with him twitching inside of her wet heat. Kurapika wasn’t doing so hot either, having to bury his face in her shoulder to keep himself from groaning. He was acting a bit cocky, but inside, all he felt was pure bliss at being able to nestle his cock inside of her like this. She was so warm, and getting to be this intimate with her felt like a dream come true.

As the cock ticked closer to midnight, the blonde tugged a blanket over the two, allowing his hand to slip under her skirt and play with her pussy undetected.

The way her cunt squeezed around him from the pleasure he was giving her made him bite his lip. “Oh, angel…” he choked out.

Leorio glanced at the blonde, raising an eyebrow. “Did you say something, Kurapika?”

The blonde’s cheeks turned bright red, and he stuttered out a quick reply. “N-no… just… just yawned. It’s getting pretty late.”

The taller man knew something fishy was going on, but decided to let it go to spare (Name) any embarrassment. “Yeah… it’s almost midnight.”

As the clock continued to tick forward, the two could feel themselves reaching their limit. Kurapika’s assault on her clit was making the poor girl writhe in his lap, only spurring him on to move his fingers faster. “Are you close, angel?”

His hushed words made her back arch, the feeling of his warm breath on her neck enough to make her pussy clench around him. “S.. so close…”

“Me too…”

(Name) nearly yelped when he lifted her hips and brought her back down on his cock. “P-Pika, they’ll see..!”

“Let them see, then they’ll know who you belong to.”

She felt her face get hot. Kurapika said he had gotten jealous, but she didn’t know how badly it had affected him. The way he fucked into her made her see stars and she was barely able to keep the blanket over them.

Thankfully, the others were either too drunk or two focused on the countdown to care. Even Leorio was busy, laughing as he chatted with one of the men there.

It was nearly midnight, and the countdown had started. She felt his cock slam into her, unable to take it. Thankfully, he was able to pull her in for a kiss just as she let out a whiny moan, muffling her sounds with his lips.

When the clock struck midnight, the two came together, their bodies trembling as Kurapika continued to ride his eyes, filling her wet cunt with his seed.

“And it’s midnight! Ooo, looks like someone got their New Years kiss!”

The two were too spent to even respond to Leorio, just resting in each other’s arms as they recovered from their orgasms.

“Are you alright, angel? Can I get you anything?” Kurapika asked, cupping her cheek gently.

“Don’t think you could… would make a mess…”

He blushed, realizing that if he did get up, his cum might leak everywhere.

For some reason, that made him more uneasy than embarrassed. He placed a hand over her chubby tummy, rubbing it lightly as he imagined his seed taking root in her womb. He was thinking of it again, creating a family, the new Kurta clan through her.

As the other party goers left to go home, Kurapika rested his chin on her shoulder, continuing his soft rubbing motion. Would he ever be able to settle down with her, have a family? What about his revenge? His clan?

His anger?

He never wanted to let his anger and hatred slip away, and deep inside of him, he knew that because of this, he would never be able to give (Name) the life she deserved as long as he held onto it.

It was selfish of him, really, to hold onto her like this when he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep her forever. He wanted it, desperately, with his entire being, but some old dogs can’t learn new tricks.

(Name) seemed so content, resting her head on his chest as she dozed off. She was cute like this really, when she trusted him with her body, with her life. Human beings were such fragile creatures really, with such short lives.

Was he wasting hers by being selfish? Right now, she could be in the arms of someone that would give her the world and more, that would give up anything and everything to stay by her side.

And yet here he was, holding onto her for dear life, tears trailing down his cheeks as he placed shaky kissed into her temple and cheeks.

‘I love you… I love you so much, I’m so sorry… everything I’ve loved, I’ve lost. I…’

He gently brushed some of her hair from her face, gently rocking her in his arms. “Goodnight, (Name).”

Kurapika laid down with her, his cock being kept warm inside of her.

“Sweet dreams, my angel.”

[the-somwthing]

sys life my beloved roleplay au that is too complicated to casually explain here’s some designs I have drawn cuz I love my guys

I’ll start with the oldest ones then the more recent ones (this has been going on for over a year)

Ren the Elytrian!

Mumbo the Cave Flier (little bat guy)

Joel the Floral Dragon he’s a lil binch

Joel the Enigma he’s more of a whiny emo binch now (the blindfold was a concept but it seems we didn’t end up implementing it into the design but of course I had to draw it)

Enigma Joel in the chef outfit that Scar made for him (he loves to see Joel wear it. Joel will ONLY wear it for Scar as he finds it quite embarrassing)

Wow didn’t realize I drew all 3 Joels in a row anyways Cloudskipper Joel. Probably the least of a binch

Inchling Cleo……. okay not a super serious design but like. Inchling Cleo.

Skizzleglitch. AAAH THE DARKNESS *floats into the air never to be seen again*

Withered Grian. Creepy. On the verge of collapsing into a pile of bones.

Jimmy the domestic feline. Catboy alert !!!

[haptureratch]

Being on wellbutrin (WHEN IT'S NOT TAKING YEARS OFF MY LIFE BY MEGA MARIO STAR RAINBOW RAVE BOOSTING MY ANXIETY) is so funny

Like I'm reading an old idea for a fanfic in my Samsung notes and lighting up punching the bed because DAMN THAT'S SUCH A WILD GOOD IDEA AND I -SEE- WHAT YOU DID THERE

Like.

Chill you goofy hypomanic binch XD

I'm comforted by the fact that these sleepless nights will end eventually because the psych plan has shifted to bringing my anxiety down and letting me sleep. I guess I can kind of enjoy extra verve now that I'm not thinking about the implications of it, and knowing that it got as bad as it would and the professional said "no worse". And that there's no work in a few hours (huge relief bc I obviously can't stay home while trialing meds but they do have the ability to impact work). But this is still soooo not normal lol. It's almost 2am. I was so ready for bed and then nope I started singing again and here we are. It's the music and the singing that fire me the fuck up lately.

I hope I'm okay when it's out of my system. I feel okay now. I feel lighter in some ways (heavier in others like my headache and tight carotids and EVEN MORE hyperactive startle response and reflexes). I feel the self-amusement side of me is turned up. I'm better at writing (that TORRENTIAL MESS I wrote on....Sunday? No one is allowed to read it unless they are a mentally ill girlie on the internet. Y'all are allowed. Y'all will understand.) I feel more at ease around people and non-autistic (conversation just comes, I don't care if I'm doing it wrong I just do it). Life around me tastes good (instead of .... what's a word .. jarring? I thrive off the vibrancy and possibility. I see the lights and I want to explore where they lead. IS THIS HOW HE LIVES???? Like a stabilized form of this?? FuKc)

I think this med just takes everything I already am and heightens it. Deepens it. Maybe I'm prone to insomnia and it's just so much worse. I do have a natural rhythm of getting fatigued and my body is ready for bed but if I stay up through that I get a second wind. That's kinda what's happening on this med just INTENSELY so. And music is my shit, I feel it so deeply. It moves me. I love it.

I'm so chatty.

I ted talk all by myself but, again, this med cranks it up quite a bit. I'll need to share the positives of this med with my psych so maybe she can get me something with a similar mechanism or like....she'll do her double board certified thing and COOK.

I'm glad I was able to accept my mom needing to go home. The first instinct was to feel abandoned and scared but something in me got brave and accepted it.

Is this all divine timing? Is the med at some kind of level that's helping me (but, again, taking years off my life by stealing me from my sleep) and I was able to polish off the fear veneer [[I swear to god I'm cooking so hard .. note to self go absolutely OFF on wellbutrin, get deliciously hypomanic, and write a BOOK MY DUDE]] -- anyway, am I going through a period of growth right now?

Side thought: if I already worked through my touch issues with Amy and had all those epiphanies, why am I still struggling with issues under that umbrella? I went back to being weird and feral about touch which is a basic human need. I didn't incorporate daily platonic touch. I didn't connect with others. I can think back to that bedroom in Galveston and I THOUGHT I had my whole life laid out in front of me and I saw it and understood it. But here I am. I'm not drowning in grief over it currently, I am just genuinely curious. Why did I forget it all over time and just revert back? Not to attack myself but to GENUINELY WONDER

Oh thank god I might be getting a wave of sleepiness

HA HAAA nevermind beech we back.

Maybe this experience can make me braver. Look at that. PAUL RUDD MEME LOOKATUS. I trialed a med and had super difficult relationship stuff and got into a bad physical state (weight/nutrition) AND went to work and did the work. Wow. I should be proud. I survived a difficult med trial along with all that. I wish that alone, that realization, could cure this core nagging negative thought that I am too weak to make it.

I just get so caught in that feeling of extreme anxiety. There are stronger words to say but my mind is slowing and my eyes are growing heavy

Sleep please take me

Carry me off and steal me for 10 solid hours

No I had to get up and use the restroom. And that gabapentin... I FELT THAT. Swaying around searching for ANY HINT OF PROPRIOCEPTION to maneuver myself to my bathroom. Meds are a fun experiment when they aren't terrifying. It's interesting to feel the science in your own body. Brings the reading and the research to life. Real kinesthetic learner style type shit.

No, yeah. This staying up because I have a stream of thoughts isn't outside the realm of expected Jess. I've done this with my creative writing. And read over it a million times late into the night trying to perfect it. But I think the medical response is still back off that med. Hypomania can still be bad for you even when it feels good. I need to be able to sleep. I wonder if this is just a reflection of how unstructured I am outside of work. Wait. Oh my god. OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST LIKE WHAT I DEALT WITH IN MED SCHOOL. REBECCA TRIED TO GET ME TO STRUCTURE MY DAY AROUND STUDYING AND HOBBIES AND I DIDN'T.

Oh my lord, my sweet lord this must get solved.

I'm glad Rilley got me into handling it mode. Instead of backing away in fear mode. I don't think I'd be doing all this life analysis now had we not had the hard talk earlier. I love and trust her so much. She is truly an incredible individual. She would make the absolute best therapist. She's basically there, she's so close. Fill her up with some training and I swear to god she'd blaze to the top.

[m-357]

wow can’t believe I’m just learning about the gay bathhouse in the city I grew up in , literally so much cheaper then the gym I was going to. I can’t believe I didn’t know about gay bathhouses.

I was literally paying for a gym memeberishp and motels rooms when I was working WTF 🤬

I’ve suffered one million gay deaths for being the only gay I knew as a teen/early adult , narsisitic homophobia man , what a binch

And to think I had a whole thirty min convo w a friend I thought was straight about saunas and because I’m a know it all i was like “yeah yeah I’ve heard of tht plce” I had not. LOL . He was literally outing himself to me, the only other gay person around, and it went right over my inflated ass head.

He was even like we could go sometime if u want and I was like “thanks but I work at a gym” bc I did at the time. KMS I’ve robbed my own self of every possible moment of connection. Fuk. And then like months later after he put me up in la I popped off on him publicly and tarnished his name to everyone I know over a like pridepoint of mine. Ugh I’m the worst person I know actually now

[starry-nights12]

Happy birthday binch! (Wish Tumblr dashboard would actually let me know what ppl post ahead of time, but at least I saw it in time!) Couldn't fashion a prezzy in time anyway, cuz I got my wisdom teeth removed, but I can give you the experience as a prezzy?: I was bawling like a baby almost as soon as I woke up from surgery, and chadbros say this sentence all the time, but genuinely, I'm not really somone who cries. What I will say is that it was refreshing-- kinda rejuvenating in a way, and it literally made me feel like I was splashing crisp water on my face and it casvadee down like a waterfall.

It felt great! 😃 But...the reason why I was crying was the issue.

It's embarrassing to remember how I was crying so hard over it that even the doctor came back in the room to check on me.

For days leading up to the surgery, I've been having a rather frustrating attitude problem originating from one of my furbabies. Upon awaking fron the anaesthesia, I apparently was complaining about my cat, Lemongrab, and her incessant mewoing and honest-to-God bitchiness. And then I complimented my second cat, Courage. That was it. I don't even remember all I said, because my consciousness came in, like, mid-sentence of a complaint.

Not too bad, right? 😃

But in my mind's eye, I had made an egregious mistake that has now resulted in every nurse in the room hating Lemongrab, or worse, thinking I hated Lemongrab.

The nurses (and then the returning concerned doctor) tried to reassure me that im fact NONE of them hated Lemongrab, a calico they have never met-- but I was having NONE of it! None of it, I say! I wouldn't stand to be in the same room with people who hated my cats! Especially, when it was all! my! fault! I cried harder.

So I got up, without permission and refusing the wheelchair... which panicked them all, and being infantilized like this made me feel insulted. So insulted that I laid back down and went back to sleep.

And that's basically all I remember. Happy birthday!!

Oh wow! That's a lot that happens to you! I hope you're doing better! Thanks for the birthday wish!!!