#would you mind messaging us your home address and full name?

[pinkthrone445]

Nooo! You can’t leave me hanging with my heartache pls 😭 I need a part 5 to Partner in crime. I am so sad and I’ve been waiting for the next update to this and I finally get it but it’s sadddd naurrrrr. Next part. I demand the next sort my heart needs to feel happy again 😔🥲

P.S I love your writing! It’s soo good!!!! I love it so much!

Thanks for the support! I love this kind of messages, it truly helps me to keep writing. Thanks for all the funny comments too! ❤️

~Partner in crime~ Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender:soft, cute, friends to lovers, slow burn, hurt

Warnings:I don't think so

Summary :When they send you to work back in your home town, you start to recall all your memories from your teen years involving the redhead. And now it was finally time to face the past.

You sighed trying to calm the lump in your throat and the pain you felt in your chest as you remembered how things ended with her and how the last time you saw her she had already found her forever home by someone else's side.

Taking a last look at the file that had been brought to you, you reviewed with your eyes the name of the person involved: Anthony "Tony" Schementti. The man for whom you had received a promotion as a cop when you caught him years ago, but also the man that had cost you your whole future and the love of your life.

Many nights you spent reliving that arrest in your head, what would have happened if your partner had entered the building first and made the arrest? Would she still be with you, would your end have been different? What would have happened if you had him let it go? Would it have been worth losing your job to keeping her? You could have find a new job, but you could never find someone like her, Melissa was something special, something that you only get to live once, her magic made your life brighter, better, happier... And even if you tried to find someone new, your days never were as bright, your life never reached that peak of perfection and your heart never felt the same happiness...

You knew you couldn't live in the past anymore, you couldn't change anything and there was no point of spend your time speculating about what would have happened if... But you also couldn't have a full future if your heart had stayed in that past.

With sadness and pain you took that file and closed it, getting up from your desk and taking it to your boss to explain that you would not be part of the revision of the trial since you were involved in the case personally. He understood and after you finish arranging everything, you went to your patrol to start your first day of work on Philly.

That first week back in your home town was "normal", you tried to get used to the town again and to your new partner at work, he was a rookie under your protection and under your guidance, and he didn't had much idea of life.

The redhead popped on your mind more than once, more times that you would like to admit. Sometimes it was because you saw something that reminded you of her, in others she visited you in waves of loving or painful memories, she also visited you on dreams from time to time, where she looked at you with more love than the last time you talked to her. You knew where she lived and worked, it was on the file of her brother because she was his contact information, you only saw the address once, but it was engraved on your mind with no practical use, you would never dare to go to near that part of town and risk seeing her again after all this years.

Another thing that made you think of her was the invitation that was under your door when you got home a few nights ago, the school reunion for the 20th anniversary of your graduation. Everyone in school knew that you dated her many years, would they think that you were still together? They always thought you were the perfect couple, what would they think if they find out that she was married to one of her ex classmates?

You didn't have time to go to that stupid thing anyway...

The noise of interference on your radio brought you back to reality

-"Code Amber on the Philly mall, all free units respond to the scene" - The lady from the radio informed and you turned your lights and the sirens on, immediately changing route to the mall address

-"Copy dispatch, this is L-8230 on route" - You informed

-"Child got lost apparently 10 minutes ago in a school excursion to the cinema, a first grader using a gray t-shirt and blue sport pants, curly short dark hair, green eyes and dark tees, it's using a tag with their name on it, responds to the name of Chris"-she kept giving more instructions and you saw the mall a few blocks away. Your partner looked really nervous and scared, placing his hand on the belt where he had his hand.

-"Look kiddo, we are looking for a little kid, not to shoot anybody. Our coworkers probably already did a perimeter around the mall, if someone is trying to take that kid away, we will see it before they can get away with it. In the most common cases the kid is hiding somewhere inside the mall and we can find him in a few minutes. We will get there and talk to the teacher and the classmates to see if someone saw something, our job it's to be calm so they can be calm, if they start to panic, that only make our jobs harder, okay?"-You tried to explain everything so he could know what to expect and do his job in the best way

-"Y-Yes ma'am, I will follow your lead" - He said taking his hand off the gun holder.

When you arrived at the scene, the police already closed the mall and made a perimeter around it just as you said.

After parking, you quickly entered the mall with your partner following quickly behind you. There were many children gathered around their teachers and nervousness and fear could be felt in the air. Scanning the crowd you approached the teacher of the lost kid to ask a couple of questions. Among all of them you saw a blonde hair, which although many years had passed since the last time you saw her in person, you would recognize her anywhere. Kristin Marie was sobbing trying to keep her composure so as not to scare the other children, but in her eyes from afar you could see the desperation she felt and the guilt that one of her children had gotten lost.

Without trying to startle her more than she already was, you approached carefully and touched her arm

-"Kristin..."-you softly called but she was startled anyway

-"O-Officer..."-she began stuttering from her own sobs and you could see the surprise in her eyes when her sight reached your face-"(Y/N)..."-your name on her lips was just a whisper and she immediately collapsed in your arms crying on your vest, your arms held her protectively

-"Hey... It is ok... We'll find them, they're hiding somewhere and they are safe. Kids tend to hide thinking is funny, I'm sure they are around somewhere else. I promise we will find them" - You reassured. On your job you knew that you shouldn't do promises, specially knowing how unpredictable life was, but rigth now you would say anything to confort your old friend. But apparently, no matter what you said to her, you couldn't stop her from sobbing on your chest.

A well-dressed man approached you with a frown, looking at the woman crying in your chest

-"Pull yourself together Kristin! Don't you realize that this damn mall is full of glass and the reporters who are gathering outside can see you? Do you know how the name of the school could look if that child does not appear?" -The man spoke in a dry tone and for the first time in your life you saw Kristin scared, not by him, but by the idea that that child might not appear again. You carefully stood in front of the man, covering your friend with your body

-"BACK OFF!" - Your voice echoed on the mostly emptied mall-"A child is lost and all you care is the school reputation? Why don't you care about the safety of that kid? Why don't you worry about the parents of him? Their life could change forever and all you care is about some reporters outside?" - Your tone was dry and authoritarian, making him step back a little-"Do not interfere with this and don't talk to her again or I will kick you out of the perimeter so the reporters can eat you alive" - You warned him and he frowned again, mad, but smart enough to no say anything back.

Changing your expression to a soft smile, you looked at your friend who was sobbing silently

-"We will find him, do you want to look for him with me?" - You offered and she nodded, without strength to talk. With one hand you took your radio and began to check where they had already searched to narrow down the area. The other children were sent home with their parents to make the search easier. Apparently the entire mall had been searched and they also announced over each speaker the name of the lost kid to see if he appeared, but both happened.

Kristin started to panic again, but instead of letting her go down into a panic attack, you started to ask questions again

-"Where was the last time you saw him?" - You asked on a neutral tone

-"We were about to enter the movie theater, our was the room number 7, the children began to enter and I began to check their names on my list, inside that room there where only kids, teachers and the guys of the movies that clean, he enter the theater and I checked him on the board, but when I finish checking that every kid got inside, he was no longer on their seat, we searched all over but he was no where to be found, that's when we called the police"-she explained with desperate gesticulation

-"So... Only kids, teachers and cleaning crew, and from one moment to another he wasn't on the room anymore..."-You used your radio again-"Someone checked the interior of the building? The one that the crew of the mall uses to go around?" - You asked but everyone answered the same

-"Negative, he can't be there, you need a key to access" - they answered and you started to run to one of the service door, with the proper technique you kicked the door open and ran inside, Kristin followed you closer, screaming the kid's name

-"CHRIS! CHRIS ARE YOU HERE?!" - You both screamed. After searching for a few minutes, you started to hear sobbing on a corner, when you asked Kristin for silence, you could pinpoint the source of the noise coming from behind of a candy cart. Carefully your aproched gently calling their name

-"Chris, it's that you? I'm (Y/N), I'm a police officer, we have been looking for you, your teacher Miss Schementti is here too" - You encouraged Kristin to speak to him

-"Hey Chris... Everything is okay, you can come out now, your mom came to pick you up" - she whispered and the little kid came out from his hiding spot, their little face stained with tears and some spots of dried candy. The teacher, relieved to see that the child was safe, hugged him tightly lifting him off the ground in her arms, the child's crying stopped and the teacher's increased, a cry of relief and happiness this time-"How did you got here?" - she asked

-"I saw the the candy cart on the movie theater when we got in and I wanted to bring candy for everyone but there where no enough, so I hid inside of the cart so they will take me to the candy store, but when I got here I took the candy for everyone and I wanted to come out but I couldn't open the door, and nobody came back for me or opened the door"-they explained the best that they could and the teacher let out a laugh mixed with tears. While the teacher made sure that her student was okay, you communicated with the radio that the child appeared and that they should notify the parents.

Once the boy was reunited with his parents, the news were informed of the reappearance and they let everyone go home. You sent your partner home and decided to stay with Kristin

-"Did you bring your car?" - You asked and she denied with her head, hugging her shacking body

-"It was on the mechanic and also we came with the school bus, but now is gone..."-she explained, the adrenaline running low now making her body shake

-"Let's go, I will take you home" - You offer guiding her to the black patrol car. Once you were on your way to her house, which was still the same address as the last time you saw her in person, she told you what had become of her life and she asked you questions about yours, making the trip go by quickly. You explained that you had discovered that the child was in the corridors of the staff since he had not left through the front door and the only other exit that existed inside the room, was the service door. She also told you that her boss was a disgusting person but teaching those children made it worth staying.

When you got home you found it strange to see her car in the garage of her house since she had told you that it was in the mechanic, but with how scared she had been maybe she had been confused and you decided not to pay attention to it.

When she opened the door of her house an aroma of food made you smile, for some reason that aroma reminded you of your childhood and made you feel loved. You could also smell a perfume that belonged to a person very familiar to you, but before you could react, that redhead you always saw in your dreams came out of the kitchen holding a towel in her hands

-"Finally! I went to the mechanic to get your car and bring it like you asked, but when I got here your kitchen was a mess and I started cleaning and since you didn't arrived yet I also made you fo..."-her voice drowned on her throat when her eyes landed on yours. She looked practically the same as the last time you saw her, her hair was a few shades darker indicating that she surely had started to dye her hair to hide her gray strands, which did not surprise you since she was always very aware of her looks. On top of that, her face had new lines, especially around her eyes, you secretly hopped them to be from smiling so much and having a happy life. Her wardrobe didn't changed much, she still used tank tops and leather, her hair was in a ponytail that it was messy but looked amazing on her. She started using glasses that at that moment were on the top of her head.

Her eyebrows were almost on the roof because of the surpire of seeing you, that was a familiar mannerism of her.

She was the same Melissa, the Mel that once was yours, but at the same time she seemed like a completely different person.

Your feet were tempted to turn and run away before her surprised face changed to one of anger like the last time you spoke before breaking up. But instead, her eyebrows relaxed and her lips let out a soft, subtle smile. This time surprising you but nobody moved from where you were standing.

-"Mel... The food is burning" - Her sister warned breaking the spell that hung on the air. The redhead runned to the stove letting a few small curses out. You looked at her sister, unaware of what to do

-"Now that Melissa is here..."-You paused for a few seconds, her name on your lips felt so familiar and yet so strange, you were so used to say it but when you broke up you stoped mentioning her, even if you thouth a lot about her, her name never met your lips again. The redhead heard her name from your lips too and a chill runner through her whole body-"...now that she is here, do you want me to go home?"-You asked but the blonde took your hand

-"Don't go please, I'm don't feel so good yet and being with people helps... Beside we have to catch up since you are back" - she begged with her eyes and you agreed even if you were no so sure about it.

The night went calmer and comfier that you expected to. When the food was ready, the redhead served 3 plates for you all and you almost cried on how delicious it was, it was better that you remembered.

Although the conversation between you and her was almost non-existent, Kristin acted as an intermediary and the conversation about trivial topics flowed smoothly. The environment was not uncomfortable as you thought it would be, rather it was cautious, but bearable.

At the end of the meal, Kristin lifted the dishes quite fast and informed you that she was feeling better and sleepy, so you and Melissa could leave the house now.

She called you aside while Melissa put the leftovers in Tupperwares

-"Look, it's lovely to see you again and I missed you so much, but I wanna sleep now and we can get together another day, but now I want to be alone..."- she seemed a lot more calmer than before - "You know... since Melissa brought the car home she has no way to go back to her house..."-she started talking while you looked at her, you had a feeling that you knew where this was going

-"We can order an Uber" - You said but she kept talking

-"... And I'm afraid to ask her for an uber at this time of night..."-she continued

-"It's nine o'clock at night..." - you interrupted again

-"You know how crazy people is, you see it all the time in your line of work, you don't know what the person is capable of..."-she had a mischievous little smile on the corner of her mouth that she thouth you wouldn't notice

-"Spill it out Schementti" - You told her

-"Can you take her home? Pleeeeeeease?" - Her voice reached an anoying high pitch, impressive if you had in mind how deep her voice usually was

-"Kristen she hates me, we haven't seen each other in almost 20 years, she won't go with me even if I say yes"-You explained

-"Time has passed, feelings had changed, people changed, I think it would be a good idea to reconnect..." - she used a softer voice this time and you signed

-"Fine, I will take her home, but if this goes badly, I'm blaming you... Are you sure that you are okay to stay alone?" - You answered and she nodded exited

-"I'm much better, thank you" - she told you and you said your good bye to her and went outside.

When Melissa got everything ready and said goodbye to her sister, she left the house surprised to see you still there waiting, leaning on your car

-"Hey... Kristin asked me if I could take you home... If you don't want to is okay but if I didn't offer she would have killed me..."-You explained and she got closer

-"Yes please, I appreciate it" - she answered incredibly fast for your surprise, carefully you opened the door for to her.

At the beginning of the drive the music and your breathing was the only noise that you could hear, your head couldn't believe that she was there after all this years. Your mind was racing and your hands shook a little, at your work you had been in nerve-wracking situations and you were able to face it way more calmer that what you felt in that moment. For a few minutes you drove without knowing what to say until you remembered that you had no idea where you were going, truth be told, you knew where she lived because you saw it on that file, but if you drove her home without asking her where she lived, it would appear like you were stalking her and a little creepy

-"Mel..."-that was a common pet name that you used but now you weren't so sure hot to call her-"...Isa where should I drive you?" - You asked her and she seemed as nervous as you

-"I don't want to go home, Jacob is there..."-You thought she was still married, but maybe you were wrong and she got divorced and she had a boyfriend now.... Or maybe he was her son...-"my roommate brought his boyfriend home and the walls are too thin and I don't want to be there right now..." - she confessed and that raised more questions. Was she married or not? Why did she had a roommate? Did she feel uncomfortable in her own house?

-"Do you want to go for an ice cream? "-You offered unsure of what to do, if you invited her to your house it would look too forward and make her uncomfortable, if you took her home anyways it would look rude, so ice cream was the best option at the moment.

-"Yes please" - she smiled softly looking at you, you had missed her smile so much.

When you arrived to the ice cream shop, she insisted on ordering your cone

-"Chocolate and strawberry?" - she asked with confidence still remembering your favorite flavors.

While she order, you stared at your phone watching some messages.

After a few seconds, a cold hand landed on your neck tracing the scar that it was there, sending a chill all over your body. You didn't need to look up to know it was her, her hands soft and delicate as always

-"Life has been... Eventful" - You mentioned and she gently smiled, letting your neck go from her softly grasp

-"I can see that"-Gently she sat on the chair next to you to be closer, instead the one across the table. She offered you your ice cream letting her hand touch yours

-"Thanks... How are you doing?..."-you asked, unsure about the words that left your mouth

-"I've been okay... I'm working on a place I love and I have some nice friends..."-she told you and you smiled knowing that she was happy

-"It's Jacob your son? You mentioned him earlier..."-you tried to ask a another question hidden beneath that one

-"No... He is a coworker and a roommate, it's helpful to pay the bills. Since I got divorced from Joe it's was hard to maintain the house alone...I guess that at some point Marie told you that I got married" - she said a little ashamed

-"She didn't needed to, I saw you on nana's funeral with him" - You murmured and she looked surprised

-"I didn't saw you... I thouth you didn't went" - she confessed

-"I couldn't miss it..."-You signed-"not after what she did for me"

-"Did you got married?" - she asked

-"Never... I focused at work..."-You said honestly

-"You always wanted to get married and have kids..."-she still remembered

-"Yes... But only with the rigth person and I never found it again" - You whispered looking deeply at her eyes, she was the right person and when you lost her, you also lost your dreams. You exchanged tentative looks, beneath the nostalgia, she sensed the weight of years.

This time, the silence was no longer awkward but companion able. Even after all this years, you both could feel how the connection still remained. This reunion was a doorway to the past and a bridge to the future. Or at least that's what you were expecting

-"Do you have a few regrets?" - she asked and you nodded

-"A few..."-You said honestly and she also nodded agreeing with you

-"You seem... different" - she said, studying you and you frowned

-"Different?"- you repeated.

-"More guarded" - she clarified. Your eyes flashed, a hint of vulnerability she easily saw

-"Life has a way of doing that" - you said, your voice measured. She sensed there was more.

-"I'm so sorry about leaving you... I'm sorry for taking it all out on you, I'm sorry for ruining our lives, for walking away... I'm full of regrets, all my life I tried to get the happiness that I had with you and I never could. I fucked up time after time, I never loved him, I was just trying to fulfill the emptiness of not having you but you always were irreplaceable. I missed you every passing second and I can't believe how much time has passed between us and yet... I feel the same love that I felt the day that we were on my prom night, our first time together"-she said barley above a whisper, so much vulnerability on her eyes, she leaned a little, scared of speaking lauder and letting the whole world that she never stopped loving you. You just stated at her, unsure of what to say, unsure if this was real. After a few seconds, she got nervous because you stared at her without saying a word

-"Don't stare...say something... scream, shout, get mad at me, say something!" - she screamed and flinched when you lifted your hand, she felt like she deserved a slap but never thought you were capable of it. She choosed to close her eyes and get ready for the painful slapping, but instead of that your hand gently caressed her cheek. With her heart pounding, she opend her eyes confused, only to find you looking at her with such love in your eyes

-"You are even more beautiful than the day I lost you" - You whispered and her heart shattered in million pieces, after all that happend, after all those years, you never stoped loving her.

As she looked at the love in your eyes, she leaned on your palm, she had missed your warmth so much, your smell, your smile, your peace, your love, all of you.

As you locked eyes deeply staring at each other's souls, the years melted away. Time had etched its mark on your bodies, but your eyes still sparkled with the same mischief, the same love

-"Aren't we too old to be doing this?... We aren't teens anymore" - You asked, scared of getting your heart broken again

-"We aren't too old to choose love... It's never too old for happiness... We will get our happy ending... Finally together" - she whispered and kissed the palm of your hand. As you enjoyed the warmth of her lips on your palm, you finally accepted something, no matter how much time passed, how many mistakes, how much distance... Some sparks never truly fade and it was never too late to start again.

[blueparadis]

| INTO MY KALIEDISCOPES ( part two ) + SUGISHITA KYOTARO !

online dating, f!reader, angst, light mention of smut. prompt ( bold & italicized font is used for differentiation ) given by @dear-koi thank you so much koi for this <3 word count: 1k.

“Sugishita-kun, did you know that plants need more care during winter or even when winter is coming?”

Umemiya exclaims as he pulls out the budding outgrowths that have been clustering on the soil bed of the pots. Sugishita watches each and every movement of his intently. He just nods but keeps mum. He registers Umemiya’s words though. He would have said something if his mind was not occupied by the incident that happened last week. It has been coming back like a dream. He has started taking naps whenever he can just to get to the end of the dream. It never ends. It gets stuck after going to a certain point.

It has been bothering him every waking moment. Did you reach home safely? Were you able to book a cab to your address or did you end up at your ex’s? As a member of Bofurin, he is just worried for you for a fellow town people. That's all.

On the date night, when he came back to his room with two ramen bowls in his hand you were gone. The bed sheet was full of crests and troughs—not the only mark you left in his room tonight. He scans his room thinking back what he did with you until he had landed on the bed with you. His eyes stills on his study desk. There was a pair of keys unfamiliar to him. He kept those ramen bowls on a different table that already had a table mat before he goes to inspect the keys. Picking up the keys he had held it against the light. It was a mere pair of keys but there were letters engraved on it. It was shining against the light. For the betterment of his sleep, he did not inspect it further. He slept good and it even graced him a dream.

You have not called or contacted him since last week, either on tinder or through messages or WhatsApp. He remembers that you gave him your number, that night in the bar happy and high amongst those flashing neon lights. He smiles thinking back about that moment. The keys dance in his hands before he shoves them inside his pocket; he took a bowl of ramen and sat on his bed folding his legs. As soon as he slurped the noodles regrets hits him up in his nosetrils just like the spice of the noodles that had made him cough. He made the spicy ones since he saw you ordered some chili garlic shit, and even after that you used pepper. Good Lord!

“Today i decided to call Sakura.”

Sugishita looks at Umemiya-san. Sakura? Why? Why him? Am i not enough?

“He said that he will bring food for us.” Umemiya looks at the boy. “It’s Kotoha’s special from Cafe Pothos, ” with an ear-to ear grin. Sugishita goes back to pulling out the weeds and the outgrowths from the skin of the pot like he saw Umemiya doing just a while. He does not get alarmed despite Umemiya’s excitement because he mentioned his sister, Kotoha’s name. Being by his side, following him, seeing him from the back he can tell when Umemiya-san is excited and what exactly it is that invokes such emotion.

Now that he knows the reason Sugishita does not need to worry about Sakura showing up. Maybe Kotoha-san will accompany him.

Umemiya walks towards the edge of the rooftop and empties half of the bottle. From the corner of his eye,he looks down and spots Sakura with a lot of packets. It looks like someone is following him. “Sakura’s got a company.” He declares. “Its a girl. And, its not Koto-.”

Umemiya does not get to finish. Sugishita is beside him in a flash. Umemiya does not point it out, the eagerness he has regarding Sakura or rather who is with him since Sakura is not someone who knows many people outside of Furin high school. Umemiya half hoped it would be Kotoha but as both of them are at the entrance, he can recognise that face.

Sugishita can too. He can even imagine the face with his eyes closed, draw it if he were a good artist. That face has imprinted at the back of his mind. It has been haunting him since past week while he tried so hard to uproot it. He immediately checks his pockets, on his jackets, on his pants and finally a familiar jingle reaches to his ears. He pulls it out and checks it. Yep, that’s it: Behold! the key that has been tying you back to him. Today he can finally give it back to you but before that he has to talk. Wait. talk? Wait. wait. Wait.

Come to think of it, he did not talk very much to you at the night he met, at the bar or at his place. A gush of memories rushed through his mind: and he could feel warmth creeping up from his nape to cheek. He takes out a rubber band and ties his hair up in a bun. It is your rubber band by the way and anyone can tell its a girl-band.

“Sugishita-kun, are you okay?” Umemiya asked genuinely concerned for him, and for Sakura as well because he can not pin emotions like Sugishita can. He goes back to the few square feet of areas to pull out the rest of the weed and outgrowths stomping with annoyance.

The image of your half-naked body would not leave his mind. You on his lap, with only your bra and underwear, a matching set with pretty laces; at this rate, he will get a boner. He tries his best to squeeze out the lewd image of your body out his brain. He keeps the bunch of weeds aside with a jerk that he has been grabbing for a while with a fierce grip. And, cups his forehead with both hands pushing back his stray hairs. He inhales a deep breath and then exhales it slowly. He does four times. Generally, he has to do it twice or once. He goes back to work again, pulling out the weeds thinking,

"if I never say hello, I'll never have to say goodbye."

— by @goteique

[houseofanticipation]

Don't Want To Be A Person Anymore. Need Someone To Make Me The Lowest Of The Low.

This was the text of the ad you placed on multiple message boards for your city. Most places took it down, a few banned you, but not before you received dozens of replies from guys offering to fuck you, dom you, even rape you. It was nice, being perceived as a sexual object by so many people, but only one seemed to truly understand. The message was simple, with no greeting or identifying information attached: when i am done with you strangers on the street will perceive you as a Thing. send me your mailing address if interested.

You read that message over and over again. You tried to ignore it, got wet, read it again. You knew sharing your address was stupid, dangerous, but wasn't that what you were looking for? Anything they could do to you would just be a step in the right direction, right? For three days you stayed strong, waited for a better offer. For three days you found other things to focus on. For three days you avoided reading the message during your morning masturbation session.

On the fourth day you gave in.

You waited for something to happen. You could barely sleep at night, waiting for some masked stranger to come into your home and rape you. You fantasized about your face being pushed into the bed, your pussy stretched almost to the point of breaking. You imagined begging him to stop, telling him you'd changed your mind, only to have him cover your mouth and rape you harder. You tried to resist the urge to masturbate, but eventually the ache inside you became too great, and you lay face down, humping your hand and repeating to yourself what a worthless slut you were.

You went on like this for six agonizing days, telling yourself each night that this, this would be the night it happened, but you became less and less convinced each morning. Had he forgotten you? Gotten cold feet? Had he ever intended to do more than tease you? You felt ashamed at how turned on you'd been, and turned on by how ashamed you were.

Then, one week after sending the message, you got something in the mail. It was a manilla envelope lined with bubble wrap, something thin and hard inside. It had no address on it—it must have been delivered by hand—but it did have your full first and last name handwritten on it in bold, blocky text. You hadn't included that information in your message.

Inside the envelope was a sheet of looseleaf paper, a pair of panties, and a cheap smartphone. The handwritten message on the paper read:

take this phone and destroy any others you own. throw away your computer, your tv, any other means you have of contacting or connecting to the outside world. do not speak to your family. do not speak to your friends. if anyone comes looking for you ignore them until they go away. if you need to watch pornography, you may ask me and I will share something appropriate. contact me when ready.

Most of the instructions were easy enough to follow. You didn't have friends anymore, and you hadn't spoken to your family in years. The hardest thing to give up was your computer, which you used for all your masturbation material: stories, images, videos, audio files, all the things that got your pussy wet. The more shameful and depraved the better. But you liked the idea of having your porn picked out for you, and if all else failed you knew you could always fall back on your fantasies to make you cum.

When all was done, when your old phone and your laptop and your little brick TV were all in the trash, you opened the phone and texted the only number saved in the contacts. I'm ready.

The reply was quick: good girl. put on the panties and go to this address. the red heart is a remote controlled vibrator. make sure it's lined up over your clit. Attached was a map location.

You examined the panties and found there was indeed a red heart in exactly the place your clit would go, and it contained something flat and hard. Thin strands of drool clung to your old panties as you pulled them away and within moments the new pair were already sporting a wet spot. The vibrator sat in exactly the right place.

The address turned out to be a mall. The person in your phone instructed you to go to the food court and sit at a table, which you did. You waited for a minute, then two, and after three minutes you got another message. Now.

No sooner had you read the word than the vibrator started to work. It started light, barely enough to notice, but it amped up gradually, and it was so persistent. You pressed your knees together, clasped your hands on the table, lowered your head to hide your face. Your phone vibrated. do not try to hide your orgasm. let the people see what you really are.

Your face red with shame, you slowly lifted your head. The panties were pulsing now, low to high, high to low, and you were sure it was visible on your face. You could feel the orgasm coming, and you knew you wouldn't be able to hide it. Already a few people were eyeing you curiously, probably wondering if you were in trouble, or mentally ill. Probably both, you thought to yourself, and came.

Your body spasmed involuntarily. Your hands clenched into fists on the table. You choked out an agonized moan, fighting with your better sense to let it out, let it all out, cum loud and hard in front of all these people. The vibrator slowed, then stopped. Your face burned with embarrassment as you opened your eyes. People were staring. A few were whispering to each other. You were sick. A pervert. A whore. And just thinking about it made your pussy quiver.

from now on, said your phone, you will always come when you feel like coming. touch yourself if you like, or rub yourself against something, but do not deny it and do not hide it. people deserve to know how sick you are.

They should know, you thought. It was wrong to let them believe you were a regular person, someone like them. You were a thing, and it was unfair to them to make them think differently.

go into the men's restroom. sit in the middle stall. await instruction.

You stood, knees shaking. The bathrooms were on the other side of the food court, and you felt dozens of eyes follow you across the open space. You made a point to look as many people in the eyes as you could. They always looked away before you.

The middle stall of the men's restroom clean, if not immaculate. A few drops of dried piss flecked the seat, but you ignored them, checking your phone. a friend of mine will be coming in soon, said the message. suck him to completion. make sure he ejaculates on your face. The prospect made you want to cum again, and you'd been given clear instructions about what to do in that event. You hiked up your skirt, pulled the vibrating panties down around your ankles, and began to stroke yourself. It was easier in here to be as vocal as you wanted. You moaned and whined and whimpered, desperately pleasuring yourself as your pussy drool trickled into the toilet.

You heard the door to the bathroom open and close. You paused for a moment and then, remembering your instructions, got back to work. You were almost ready to orgasm right then, but you decided to hold off, continue to edge yourself until there was cum on your face. It felt only appropriate.

A man came around the bend, standing outside the open door to the stall. He looked to be in his early 20s, with a mop of curly hair and a hesitant expression. You recognized him—he'd been back there in the food court, watching you. You didn't bother to stop edging. You gazed into his eyes, knowing the lust was naked on your face, and he took a nervous step toward you. Impatiently, you hooked your fingers into his waistband and pulled him closer. He made a surprised sound, but didn't resist. The sound of your fingers sliding in and out just made you hornier, and it looked like it was doing the same to him: there was a growing bulge in his basketball shorts, and when you pulled down the elastic his cock sprang forth like an animal freed from its cage.

He moaned as you took him in your mouth. It was a sweet sound, tender, too pure for a slut like you, but you relished in it anyway. He held the tops of the stall for support, gently thrusting into every bob of your head. The head of his cock pulsated in your mouth, and you caressed its every inch with your tongue. With every second your fingers became ever more urgent, more eager, but you willed yourself to have a little more patience. You stared unblinking into his eyes, and he seemed transfixed, unable to look away. You felt like you could make him do anything in that moment, but you didn't have anything you wanted him to do. You just wanted him to cum on your face.

In an act of unexpected boldness, he put his hands on either side of your head and began to guide your motions. You could tell he was moments away, so you pulled him out, took him in your hand, and lunged for his scrotum, taking the whole thing in your mouth in one fluid motion. It took you only four strokes before he was shooting thick ropes of cum over your nose. Stroke. Across your closed eye. Stroke. Into your hair. You were sure you felt his balls deflating in your mouth, and that was the thought you finally came to, screaming your pleasure into his testicles. At long last you released him and looked up again, gingerly wiping his cum away from your eye. All you saw on his face was disgust. With himself, with you, it didn't matter. You had put that look on his face. He hurriedly shoved his cock back in his shorts and fled the bathroom.

You gushed a little more into the toilet.

You looked at your phone. I lied before. I have never met that boy. you took that stranger into your mouth without ever exchanging a single word. he went into the bathroom believing you to be a person, but you have shown him his mistake. you are a foul thing, to be ignored, or avoided, or, if desperate, fucked. take this as your roadmap. one day everyone will see you this way.

An odd sort of bliss washed through you. Finally, for the first time in years, you felt like you were on the right track.

You left the panties on the floor of the bathroom. It was night when you left the mall, face still covered in cum. You took the bus home. On the way, you noticed an old man trying to take a picture up your skirt. You squatted slightly to give him a better angle, and shot him a wink when he looked up at you. The look on his face as he gazed at the picture turned you on, so you took his wrist and stuck his hand up your skirt. He was more aggressive than you'd expected, tried to fit more fingers in than you could comfortably take, but the pain just reminded you of your place.

When you got home you realized you had nothing to do. you couldn't watch tv, couldn't surf the internet. You sent a message to your benefactor. Could use something to watch before I go to bed.

The response was quick, like he'd been waiting. There were no words, just a link to a porn site. You opened the link and there, already with hundreds of views, was an overhead video of you ravenously devouring cock in the mall bathroom.

You decided you could cum one more time that night.

Part 2

[stabbyfoxandrew]

This is the first time in like 2 months that your ask box is still open when I get up so now I can finally make a request for some arsonist neil/firefighter andrew! (hopefully you don’t have too many already)

WIP Wednesday (9/11) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 227)

"How's that?" Andrew asks at the same time as Neil's phone vibrates against his ear, rattling his skull. He grimaces and pulls it away from his head. He hates this stupid phone. He almost wishes he had one of those smartphones that can handle video calls— 

Huh, Neil supposes he could get one. It's not like it's hard to procure a cell phone nowadays. Not like it used to be. Hell, Walmart's even got a burner phone section now! (Ahem, he means a ‘prepaid, no-contract cell phone’ section.) Maybe he'll look into that sometime. It would have to be more convenient, right? Plus maybe he'd get to see Andrew more often if they could video call...

"Just a sec," Neil says, earning a groan from Andrew's end as he ends the call to go check his messages. Andrew has sent him a few photos this evening, but Neil is not prepared in the slightest for the image waiting for him. He sucks in a sharp breath and wishes his phone's screen was bigger than a postage stamp. He holds it as close to his face as possible without going cross-eyed and sighs appreciatively.

The photo, like the others, is of Andrew's reflection in the floor-length mirror in the corner of his bedroom. Andrew fills up almost the whole thing. He's all broad shoulders and green cashmere and soft blond hair and... Neil swallows thickly. What the fuck? How does he look so fucking good? He's not even posing! He's just standing there, head cocked to the side and one foot sticking out to show off his boots— black leather, stompy-looking things. They seem to add to Andrew's height. Neil wonders how much.

Neil curses his stupid phone for not being able to zoom in. He wants to see what expression Andrew's wearing. He can almost imagine looking into his eyes and the idea flusters him. Neil huffs and holds his phone away from him, sliding the keyboard out and in a few times before looking at it again. It's still the same! Andrew looks amazing and sharply soft, which isn't a thing, and fuck! Neil blinks and realizes he's been staring at this picture for six minutes without replying.

"Goddamn." He curses himself and downloads the photo to his phone's nearly full memory card before going back to his call log. He mashes the button on Andrew's name and impatiently waits for it to start ringing. When Andrew answers, he sounds weird.

"Was it that bad?"

"N-no. No, it's good. It's really, really good. Andrew, that's what you should wear." Neil sputters, sounding like a fucking simpleton. He clears his throat and shakes his head but it does nothing to dislodge the image seared into his brain. Fuck, he wants to burn something. He wants—

"You think so?"

"Yeah," Neil nods, though Andrew is miles away. "Yeah, wear that. And, um, send me a picture of your face."

Andrew is quiet for a minute. "Why?"

Neil hasn't got a reasonable answer. "I... Never mind. Um, have a good night."

"I doubt that will happen, but I appreciate the sentiment," Andrew sighs out. "Sort of wish you were going with me."

"Why? So I could burn the place down if things get awkward?"

Andrew snorts. "Maybe. That would at least liven things up. And I'd be in my element. Sort of. At least more in my element than..." He sighs again, clucks his tongue. "So, should I send you the address or...?"

Neil laughs. "No, definitely not."

"Fine." Andrew blows air. "Well, I gotta go. If we all survive this evening, I'll call you when I get home. Otherwise, I suppose you'll be seeing me on the news tomorrow."

"Andrew. Andrew, hey, hey. Repeat after me: no matter what, I will not kill anyone tonight," Neil says, waiting for Andrew's pledge. It takes a second, but he reluctantly says it back.

"Unless I really, really have to.” Andrew sneaks in. “Bye."

"Bye. Good luck." Neil says, then the line goes dead. He flops face first onto his bed and smashes his face against the mattress, then opens his messages with Andrew. Before he can open the picture to stare it at a little longer, a new one comes in.

A selfie.

[friezaglasiencold]

Hi there, Frieza!!

I'm a researcher writing a book about the ins and outs of Icejin Culture. Seeing as you're one of the few left, I need your assistance.

What are some rarely known facts about your species? Customs? Taboos? Preferences?

Give as much information as you're comfortable with.

Thank you,

RR Interstellar Research Facilities

$73 Cicada Drive

XX217

Nosy, nosy. Hoho...

Fine, I'll bite. Do keep in mind that some of this was learned secondhand-- despite holding the throne I prefer to focus on the business side of things and don't spend much time on my planet of origin. As the prince of that sad lot, though, I'm obviously the most relevant person to ask. Forgive me if I ramble; I'll put it under a cut in post.

Now, let's see. 'Customs' could range anywhere from religion to breakfast preferences. I'll cover some of the ground in between, but I'm not going to type an essay for you. If you want more than what I give, send another message, and be more specific.

To begin with, the species has many names, as I've mentioned before. Here are some of the ones I've encountered in my travels:

Icejin (Most common.)

Arcosian (Scientifically accurate.)

Frost Demon (Fond of this one.)

Glaesar (Less common. Very formal usage.)

Polarite (Rarely used. Probably archaic.)

Suliform (I believe this is derived from 'Arcosulite', the unique mineral found in biogem shells.)

Changeling (Obvious origin.)

Culturally, the most prominent keystones are these--eloquence, formality, education, competition, and achievement. It's considered very rude to speak casually to someone with whom you are not close; you may think an individual is gibbering mad when he addresses you in riddles and tongues, but that's only because the general population is staggeringly naive. You must learn to read a room, and to never trust someone at first glance.

Or at first reading. Heh. I hope you've not been taking everything I say here at face value.

Children learn early on the importance of social hierarchy. Climbing it came naturally to me, but I've seen how the proletariat scrabble over each other with such thinly-veiled desperation. Resources are scarce on the home planet, after all; that is, I believe, why we became such competent spacefarers in the first place. Arcos is an inhospitable world. The few times I've visited it's been out of obligation to appeal to those remaining (mostly the elderly, infirm, or very young; nobody stays there long). I can't have them forgetting about their Prince, after all.

Ah, here's a fun fact--the point on Kuriza's head is a vestigial egg tooth. I only learned this after he was born; I'd no idea what the thing was for until I asked around. It's cute, isn't it? Evidently ovoviviparity only became the norm a couple of generations prior, and before that the egg would remain intact until a few hours afterward...

Hm. Let me think of more. I'll only bother with the interesting ones.

-Makeup denotes status. A nobleperson appearing without a full face of makeup in public is grounds for a legitimate scandal.

-It's possible to approximate a person's power level by their biogem color. The closer to violet, the stronger they are. Something, something, life energy -> radiation -> light frequency, something, something. It's also possible for gem color to change over time... infants and toddlers typically have duller, redder colors. Yours truly was the first person in recorded history to be born with purple gems. ;)

-Being relatively long-lived as we are, our written histories are frustratingly sparse. My father amassed quite a collection, though.

I could go on, but I have other things to do. That should satisfy for now.

Ah, but here’s one more for the road…

Something many people assume is that I'm entirely nude in my final form--untrue. There’s a thin layer of protective, flexible armor over the skin of important nerve clusters; the area you've all been so doggedly curious about parts during intimacy. I hope that clears things up. Now stop asking.

[inkykeiji]

chatplots interest check + beta testing!

hey, pssst! touya-nii would like to have a little chat with you. well? what are you waiting for! go talk to him!

note: currently, chatplots works best on a mobile device! you can find the faq beneath the cut! <3 please read through the entire thing before sending in any questions or playing the game; there's a lot of important info in there about how the game works!

click here to submit your feedback!

WHAT IS CHATPLOTS?

chatplots is a simulation game where you can enter into various situations with specific characters and 'message' them. each chat has multiple choices for the player to choose and at least two endings. your choices and behaviour throughout the chat will influence how the character reacts and responds to you, and will ultimately determine which ending you get! it is essentially like a playable oneshot! chatplots IS NOT AI. it is a game that was written by me and developed by my boyfriend. each conversation was painstakingly crafted by me; it is all my writing, and it will always be completely and entirely written by me.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

chatplots can be downloaded as a web app on your home screen if you'd prefer to have it on your phone! (this is the option i personally recommend hehe) but chatplots can also be played on any device in any mobile or desktop browser, accessible through this link: https://chatplots.inkyclari.com.

how to download it on ios:

go to chatplots.inkyclari.com

tap the share icon (on safari: the little square with the upwards arrow, in the middle of the bottom of the screen, next to the bookmarks option; on chrome: the little square with the upwards arrow at the end of the address bar)

scroll down and select 'add to home screen'

you're done!

how to download it on android:

go to chatplots.inkyclari.com

on chrome, press the three dots in the upper righthand corner

click 'install app'

you're done!

here's how it'll all go down once the chat is open:

touya-nii will send a message (or several messages)

the response button (the button with the little paper airplane) will begin pulsing when you can respond back to him

pressing the button will open up all of your available response options. you can then choose which one to send back to him.

this will continue until you reach the end of the game. the response button will begin pulsing with your ending, which is a piece of prose 700-900 words long. the chat takes about 10-15 minutes to play though once.

notes:

touya-nii will refer to you by name. the name you input at the start of the game will be the name he uses, though this name can be changed at any time in the settings (the little gear in the bottom left corner!). also! check out the settings while he's still typing for a cute lil surprise ehehe c:

touya-nii will behave like a real human throughout the duration of the chat. he takes a moment to read your message before he responds, and the time it takes him to type out a response is akin to that of a real person—meaning if his response is longer, he will take longer to type it than a response that is only a word or two.

THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND:

this is a beta, which means it is not the finished product.

the chat you are playing is technically only half of what the full chat would be; you are only playing one route with a few different branches and two variations of the same single ending. (in other words, there are several different ways to reach the same ending, and each branch has slight variations).

a full chat would have at least two separate routes within the same scenario/setting, and at least two different endings.

we encourage you to play through the chat several times to discover which choices yield which results, and to explore all touya-nii has to say!

WHAT IS THIS SHORT KEIGO CHAT?

the short keigo chat is a sfw test chat i made specifically for my best friend. it only takes 1-3 minutes to play through and has options that are specifically tailored to my best friend's personality and tastes. you are welcome to play through it as well if you'd like! just bear these things in mind hehe

WILL OTHER CHARACTERS BE ADDED IN THE FUTURE?

yes, of course! any of my iterations of ANY character has the potential to be added to the game in the future. i am also open to taking suggests and prompts from you all for future chat scenarios!

HOW MUCH WILL THE FULL GAME COST?

chats would either be sold on an individual basis, where you can buy each chat separately for $4-$6 USD depending on the length, complexity, number of endings, etc OR through a monthly subscription of $7 USD, enabling you to have continual access to the entire catalogue of chats as it grows, with the minimum number chats being released at least two per month. please let us know which option appeals to you more right here! <3

WE NEED YOUR FEEDBACK!

after you've played through the chat a couple of times, we would be extremely grateful if you would take a moment or two to answer a few questions in order to help us gauge interest and further determine the direction we should move forward in. you are also, of course, always welcome to send your feedback and thoughts through my ask box!

we can't wait to hear from you, and we hope you enjoy the beta! <3

[swampgallows]

hi lovelies. ive been a candy kid since 2004, but unfortunately i haven't been able to go to a rave since feb 2020, as i'm at high risk of severe disability or death if i were to catch the 'vid. in my 3+ years of isolation i've been churning out kandi but have no means of trading it. as you can see my chain of trades is practically full, now weighing almost 5 lbs.

if any of you are up to it, i would really, really love to trade via mail! back in the days of forums, mail trading was pretty common (kanditrade.net comes to mind), but it's been years since i last heard of anyone doing it, so im taking matters into my own hands!!

rules:

you must interact with me in some capacity (im not giving my info to a rando, sorry)

provide some kandi preferences! colors, animals, shapes, themes, etc.

you must be willing to give me a mailing address in the continental US to ship to (i might extend to non-USA if i wuv you lots n lots). please be sure this is a secure address that you regularly access; im not responsible for the package once it leaves my hands.

you must mail me kandi (or other creation) in return. this is a trade, not a giveaway.

when i send my half of the trade, you must send me your half of the trade within 30 days.

other info under cut ⤵

Q: what will i receive in my trade?

anywhere from 1-3 pieces of kandi, glowsticks, and maybe some other goodies (candy/cookies [dietary restrictions permitting], stickers, toys, mix CDs, etc.). your package will be shipped from california and comes from a non-smoking, drug-free home with a short-haired dog.

Q: what can i give you to trade?

kandi, of course! but if you don't make kandi then anything else you have created is welcomed. if you make music/mixes, please at least burn a cd!

kandi i like: singles! halloween colors (black/orange/purple/green), especially bright green. my raver name is rabbit, so i have a lot of kandi with bunnies on it. i also like monsters, stars, suns/moons, glow in the dark, food/fruits, and big chunky shapes.

kandi i do not like: cuffs/"epic"s, perler creations. these are very impressive, but as someone who wears kandi daily i will not be able to wear large pieces like these. also please no drug references or anything sexual.

no, only handmade items please. part of the importance of kandi is that it is a physical object that travels from my hands to yours: this is symbolized by the bridge of linked hands during a trade.

Q: can my half of the trade be digital/online instead?

Q: i can't get to the post office. how do i mail it?

the best way to mail something if you can't get to the post office is:

make an account at usps.com. it is free.

order small flat rate *padded* envelopes or boxes from usps. they are free. i suggest getting the small boxes as they're slightly cheaper to ship than the padded envelopes and you can fit bulkier items inside.

pay for your postage online via usps (click-n-ship). the flat rate boxes have set prices per size, so you wont need to weigh anything. all flat rate pricing is Priority Mail, meaning it comes with free package pickup, tracking, and 1-3 day delivery. if you don't have a printer, they will print you a label and mail it to you for $1.25.

arrange for the package to be picked up with your regular mail delivery. it is free. you will get pickup confirmation and tracking sent to your email.

Q: i want to trade! how do i contact you?

contact me through tumblr messages, discord (if you have me added), or send an email to my url at gmail. if you email me please be sure to include something about kandi in the subject line as well as your tumblr url!

Q. wtf is kandi?

raver friendship bracelets, basically. i've written a primer on kandi here!

[theteablogger]

Is there by any chance a screenshot of the details of the shaman wizard battle in a better resolution? I cannot make any of it out

Here's a screenshot of another archived version.

In case that doesn't work, here's the full text of the LiveJournal entry in question. m_oquinn is Brittany, who wrote the emails from her and Andy. To avoid confusion, I've put the emails from Brittany and Andy in italics.

28th-Dec-2009 11:32 am

Okay, my friends, here is the sum total of the Astral Undead Shaman Wizard exchange. I am leaving out the contact info and also one entire email that contained extremely specific personal info about Cfc, who is completely innocent of all of this and had no idea this was being done behind her back.

The worst part of this? Cfc has kids, and Andy and company divulged her address and other personal info which should never, ever have been revealed. So that part is left out.

Keep in mind I never bought into this for a second...from my very first response, I was leading them on, for the lulz.

The good stuff is behind the cut. *passes out popcorn* Everything beginning with this > is from me. The others are from m_oquinn and Andy

First: Many weeks ago, I posted about a recurring dream I was having of wandering through the woods. Somehow, that led to this:

Dear [redacted], Look, I know that you were the one to talk to Luvcharlie, AND I know that you did not mean for anything that happened to happen. Someone has been fucking with us. Cfc is under some kind of attack, something is trying to literally eat her kids. She sent message and we didn't get it because we were on road-now when we contact her it is like no one is home. Cheerful, everything is wonderful mode-nothing has been wonderful for ages. there is something big and something dangerous and deadly-You have the capacity and strength and power to do something. We are powerless and have been rung out by trip. Please, this is your dream-the children are in the house in the woods being eaten by monsters-Andy is down and when his shield over those kids break. it. is. over.

> Oh my. > Anything and everything else aside, let's deal with the > important stuff. I can and will help of course. > > I need a general idea of where they are. If you have a pic > you could email that would help. Their names, if you know > them. Anything that would help me zero in on them, > y'know? > I'll do what I can right now, but it won't do much > good without something more specific to work with. > > Please get me whatever info you can asap. > Love you dear, be strong, all will be well. > xoxo > [redacted]

[Way too much personal info, redacted] We will have more info following. The most important thing is to get inside the house so to speak, and distract from the children. Thank you thank you thank you

>working. more info on nature of threat? >please tell andy he can step down and relax, not to burn himself out. i've got some serious >shields started and am trying to target the actual threat, but i can't pinpoint it yet.

Spirit/Astral form of technically dead but v. powerful Seneca Sachem-level shaman, plus allies and minions. I know this sounds crazy, but is true.

>ok. i'm enlisting some help. >do you know why this is happening? who's ultimately behind it? that would help...whoever's >sending the ill will is a tool. i want the source. >something isn't right here. this isn't shamanic energy, but something darker. and there's >only one energy signature, no sign of "allies" or "minions". are you sure of your source? >also, there seems to be a secondary target, but i can't identify it. what's really going on?

A source said that it was above " the wheel" with each spoke a world and the hub a connection place. it was a shaman/wizard cross in late 16th possibly but that has passed from place of dead to something above that. Several targets have been hit so far. Not sure who or what is current secondary. The "allies" seem to have been neutralized by someone from the hub as a favor to Andy.

[At this point, I grew weary of the insanity and decided to go to bed. This was my final reply. I have heard nothing since]

Okay guys, this has been vastly entertaining, but I've had enough. I don't know if you all are serious about all this and therefore either being duped by someone or are in real need of some help, or if you're just trying to draw other people into your little games, but really. This? All of it? A genius level of what-the-fuckery.

Some good lulz, but I like playing in the real world. You've failed your saving throw. Your low charisma stat made this inevitable. Is there a paladin in your party?

Evil twins, IRA, mysterious pasts, Claymore scars, now astral undead wizards? Really? And you all just believe this? Without a second thought? What next, a coma?

Such amazing energy and clear creative talent should be used for something a lot more productive than this nonsense. It's a shame that the talent doesn't seem to be enough.

I'm sorry. I just can't be a part of this drama and lunacy. I have a life, in the real world, and I like it just fine. I hope all of you find the same someday.

[friedpicklesandsouthmoon]

I am at peace. I never thought I would say that. I thought the pain of what you did to me would always penetrate every part of me, yet somehow, it doesn't feel like it used too. A 3:34am text message on Friday. A cry after 9am yoga on Saturday. A year and a half later, following the weekend your brother promised his life to someone else, and yet, there I was, on your mind. It's a test, I thought to myself, a test of if I could not respond, a test of if I could resist you. It was a test, but it was also a goodbye. I responded shortly, "didn't expect to hear from you, whats going on." I waited for a response that came at 11:08 that night. I was surrounded by laughter and free flowing tequila and the glow of warmth. The text was rambling and lost, like your mind and your soul. Should I see you, I want to see you, I need to tell you something, it might be better in person, maybe that's not ok, call me when you're alone. I listened to my friends, the ones that don't know you. The ones that hate you for what you did to me. I responded short, and said let's talk tomorrow. But when I was alone, all I said was your name. "Noah." "Here," was the response. A quick exchange, "Would it be a terrible thing if I brought over a bottle of wine and we laughed and cried a bit, or is that completely out of bounds." I just responded with my address and the song, cover me up, by Morgan Wallen. I gave you an out, it is bad..but. You didn't take it and before I knew what was happening you were climbing up my creaking stairs to my new apartment that I now call home, to sit on the edge of my bed and fumble over the words "I think so" when I asked you if you were proposing. You never can answer me straight, and you didn't. We talked for a long time. You're lost, and feeling uninspired in your life. Trapped in a life you halfway want to live. Feeling like there's more but having no strength to find it. You're always looking for answers in everyone else, because you can't find them inside yourself, and so you came to me, the girl you love, to tell me that you're moving toward forever with the girl you left me for. I told you about my yoga retreat and all the healing and letting go that happened there. I told you I pictured you when I thought of someone easy to love. I pictured Wesley when I thought of someone hard to love, and I pictured her as a little girl. I told him about the vision where he fell over the waterfall. There was no anger, no resentment, no fighting or trying or crying or wanting. There just was this moment. This moment we found each other softly. I grabbed your face in my hands, "I forgive you," I said tears streaming down my face. And then you kissed me. You kissed me hard and gentle, desire and tears mixing on both of our tongues. I know it wasn't right. But damn, it was beautiful. You lifted me onto the bed and slowly took off my clothes, taking in every inch of me. You're so hot, you whispered as you knelt down to kiss my inner thighs, and then you made love to me. Not angry, not sad, not lustful, just the kind of lovemaking where you know it's the last time. A goodbye to all the love we had. When we were done, I cried on your chest and looked up at you, "do you think we'll always love each other?" "I do," you said. And we held each other in silence. Finally I looked up at him, eyes full of tears, "The saddest part about all of this, is no matter how much we could ever want this, its too fucked up beyond repair to ever go back." And we can't. And we won't. We talked and made love until 6 in the morning. You called me baby. You woke me up with neck kisses. I told you I loved you. In the morning light you had my body one more time. And when you left, you turned back and said, "I love you" and I said it back. 

Strangely, I feel at peace. I know the door has shut on us, I'm no longer bound  by the endless pain of resentment. You are who you are. You came to tell me you are marrying her, yet you did it while telling me you loved me, and that alone is enough to confirm, you are not for me. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but a thing that you can't force yourself to feel. It's something that only happens once you wring every bit of pain out of the life cloth of experience and then there's no pain left to give it any more. And that's when you forgive. "Thank you for your grace, I don't deserve it" flashed up on my phone after he left. "I can't help myself" I said, "but I appreciate those words. I treasure you and the time we had together and I only wish you happiness Noah. It's been a long road but forgiveness and time heal a multitude of sins. I only hope that you continue on the journey of facing your stuff so that you can be free." A gentle reminder that his sins became my cross to bear. A gentle reminder that he will never be who I thought he was. A gentle reminder that time heals. A gentle reminder that sometimes the answer isn't what you think it is. It was a goodbye that I don't think many people ever get. I feel sad for the girl he claims to love, her life is not one I envy. The door is finally closed though. I wonder what I'll feel in a few days, a few weeks, a few months, a few years..but for now, I feel at peace. I know maybe this was all wrong, but what about us was ever right. It was only right for the moments like these. I am thankful that I got to hold you, the boy who I loved more than anything, and finally let you go. I am thankful that I got to say goodbye. Your life is yours now, your choices are yours, and so are mine. In some ways maybe this is harder, it was the best time I've had with you, and it's funny how that works. In some ways we never made sense. And so, I keep this secret, you and me, my goodbye, my love, the one who broke me in a million pieces, it is finally over and I am finally free. 

[infactforgetthepark]

[Free Audiobooks] The Woman Who Split the Atom by Marissa Moss & Bump by Chiara Atik [Award-Winning YA Science Biography & Pregnancy Drama Play]

The annual SYNC Summer of Listening program encouraging literacy among teens by giving away a themed weekly pair of audiobooks—usually 1 modern or non-fiction, 1 classic or drama—returns for another year, courtesy of sponsor AudioFile Magazine and participating publishers.

This 10th week's theme is “Inventive People”, featuring technically-minded discoverers and tinkerers, available from Thursday June 29th through Wednesday July 5th:

The Woman Who Split the Atom: The Life of Lise Meitner by award winning children's book author and illustrator Marissa Moss, read by Sandy Rustin from Recorded Books. This is a YA level scientist biography of pioneering mid-20th century Austrian Jewish physicist Lise Meitner, who fled the Nazi regime and contributed significantly to the key discovery of nuclear fission, which would later lead to the development of the atomic bomb and nuclear reactors, and has the chemical element Meitnerium named after her. The audiobook reading of this was a recipient of AudioFile Magazine's own Earphones Award.

Bump by playwright Chiara Atik, a recipient of the Steinberg/ATCA Award, performed by a full cast from L. A. Theatre Works. This is a comedic social drama play focused on the experience of pregnancy and childbirth in three intertwining timelines: one with hilarious posts on a social media message board for moms, one an historical strand featuring interactions between a midwife and a first time mother in the late 18th century, and the core story of a young woman planning a home birth as her inventor father experiments with building a birthing gadget to help make the experience easier. This audiobook includes an interview with the playwright and a gynecologist.

The freebies are available via Overdrive's Sora service (listenable via browser on their website, or via their mobile app for iOS & Android devices). To claim them, you'll need to register on the SYNC website with a valid email address to use in a Sora account, using the setup code and directions in the instructions in SYNC's FAQ (no need to re-register if you've participated in previous years' giveaways), clicking “Borrow” to add them to your Sora library as a permanent loan. NB: if you need to free up space on your device later, follow the instructions in the FAQ to only “delete files” and DO NOT “Return” the title, which would remove your future access.

Offered worldwide through Wednesday July 5th until just before midnight Eastern Time, available via the Sora website and app. You can also browse AudioFile Magazine's planned season list to see what will be offered in the weeks ahead and if there's anything you'd especially like to get.

[mjdrawsalot]

actually you know what i'll give it a try

How Alfred (the Butler) would talk to people: basic cheatsheet

All of these "rules" I'm about to list are based on old-fashioned employer-employee rules of respect and social status, and are about as commonplace in the 21st century as a three-person household with a butler. But they're fun for the classic detective novel vibes

If Alfred is talking to one of his employers, say Thomas or Martha Wayne, he would address them as Mr./Mrs. Wayne. e.g "Mr./Mrs. Wayne, the gardener needs to know this month's schedule."

If he is responding directly to them, then they would be Sir or Madam. e.g. "I'll prepare it right away, sir/madam."

If he is talking about them to a third person, then he would refer to them as Mr./Mrs. Wayne. Mr. Thomas Wayne/Mrs. Martha Wayne if he needs to introduce them directly to someone, but that is an unlikely circumstance. e.g. "Mr./Mrs. Wayne is not home right now, could you leave a message?"

Not Mr. Thomas/Mrs. Martha! Unless there's multiple adult Waynes in the same room and he's discussing them with someone else, it's gonna be Mr./Mrs. Lastname and context clues/body language would indicate who he's addressing. (Are there any other canonical adult Waynes who lived when Bruce's parents were alive? I have no idea)

Since canonically the Waynes considered Alfred a trusted companion, enough to leave him custody of their child, it wouldn't be silly to assume that, in a case of heightened emotion (life-or-death situation, mental breakdown etc these are adventure comics these things happen!) when the distance of employer/employee formality might be put aside, he could address them as Thomas or Martha. He has done that with Bruce multiple times after all. I'm leaving the possible scenarios up to you, go nuts lol

You still with me? Cool let's move on to the most useful part: The Children!

In the comics Alfred uses the pretty old fashioned title Master to refer to Bruce and his kids. That's a way to address the children of your employers. Normally now that Bruce is the adult head of the family he should be addressed as Mr. Wayne, but what was probably writer oversight has resulted in some delightfully angsty headcanons, so I don't mind.

If Alfred is talking to one of the bat-kids directly, he would address them as Master MaleFirstName or Miss FemaleFirstName. Yes, it's stupidly gendered e.g. "Master Bruce/Miss Cassandra, should I call the police department?"

If he's responding to one of them directly, he would call them Sir/Miss. e.g. "I've taken the liberty of putting away you uniform, sir/miss."

If he's talking about them to a third person, he would refer to them as Mr./Miss Lastname. Or just their first names tbh especially if they're underage children in his custody. If he's going to introduce them to someone, he would probably refer to them just by full name, except maybe the adult kids, in which case Mr./Miss. Maybe Ms. Lastname if you feel like being a bit more 21st century. e.g. "Mr. Thomas will be down in just a second."

Occasionally he has referred to the kids as young master/miss, eg. "Young master Damian has informed me he will not be joining us for dinner." IMO this is exceedingly old-fashioned even for Alfred and I choose to believe there's a dose of sarcasm in its use lol. In any case, it should only be used when talking about someone and not when talking to them directly.

When the situation is dire and he needs to cut through the formalities, Alfred has never had an issue addressing any of his children by their first names, so don't feel restricted by the posh language

For even more fluff, he has also addressed them as (my) dear boy/girl/child!

Again, the titles are there to replace calling someone by their first name, as a sign of respect/professionalism. You don't need to use them in every sentence, only about as often as someone's name would come up in dialogue.

QUICK AND DIRTY DO-NOTS

No Mr./Mrs FirstName

No calling someone just master! This isn't BDSM (unless you specifically want it to be)

Similarly, no referring to someone as master to other people eg "Master Bruce is not home right now." That's henchman-of-the dark-lord speech!

Yes, gendered words are stupid, but not all of Bruce's kids would be addressed as master. The girls would be miss. Not mistress (halp)! And since aaaaall of this is old fashioned, women are miss until they get married at which point they become madam, yay sexism

No Sir First or LastName to refer to someone! That's only for official titled knights, not Dark Knights

No Lady First or LastName, that also requires a title

okay that's about all i can come up with at the moment! if anyone has additions or corrections, feel free to tell me, im obviously not an expert here

Bonus:

How Alfred (The Cat) Would Talk to People

meow

hey you! batman fic writer! I'm taking you by the hand and learning the proper old british way butlers addressed the household together

[askgcbc]

What do you guys honestly think of President Business??

Hiya, Champ! That's kind of a weird question, or is it just me? Of course my good friend Badcop likes me- I'm his boss, after all! Remember: questions like these come kind of close to breaking the rules, so just be careful, mi amigo! Thanks for participating in Octan's citizen outreach program, though!

[inkykeiji]

HOW TO DOWNLOAD CHATPLOTS!

how to download it on ios: 

go to chatplots.inkyclari.com

tap the share icon (on safari: the little square with the upwards arrow, in the middle of the bottom of the screen, next to the bookmarks option; on chrome: the little square with the upwards arrow at the end of the address bar)

scroll down and select ’add to home screen’

you’re done! 

how to download it on android: 

go to chatplots.inkyclari.com

on chrome, press the three dots in the upper righthand corner

click ’install app’

you’re done!

currently, chatplots works best on a mobile device, so we encourage you to use it in a mobile browser or download it to your device as a web app following the instructions above!

more information + faq!

WHAT IS CHATPLOTS?

chatplots is a simulation game where you can enter into various situations with specific characters and 'message' them. each chat will have multiple choices for the player to choose and at least two endings. your choices and behaviour throughout the chat will influence how the character reacts and responds to you, and will ultimately determine which ending you get! it is essentially like a playable oneshot! chatplots IS NOT AI. it is a game that was written by me and developed by my boyfriend. each conversation was painstakingly crafted by me; it is all my writing, and it will always be completely and entirely written by me.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

chatplots can be downloaded as a web app on your home screen if you'd prefer to have it on your phone! (this is the option i personally recommend hehe) but chatplots can also be played on any device in any mobile or desktop browser, accessible through this link: https://chatplots.inkyclari.com.

here's how it'll all go down once the chat is open:

the character will send a message (or several messages)

the response button (the button with the little paper airplane) will begin pulsing when you can respond back to him

pressing the button will open up all of your available response options. you can then choose which one to send back to him.

this will continue until you reach the end of the game. the response button will begin pulsing with your ending, which is a piece of prose 700-900 words long for paid chats. the paid chats take about 10-15 minutes to play though once. the free chats take anywhere between 1-5 minutes to play through, and have no ending pieces of prose.

notes:

the character will refer to you by name. the name you input at the start of the game will be the name he uses, though this name can be changed at any time in the settings (the little gear in the bottom left corner!). also! check out the settings while he's still typing for a cute lil surprise ehehe c:

the character will behave like a real human throughout the duration of the chat. he takes a moment to read your message before he responds, and the time it takes him to type out a response is akin to that of a real person—meaning if his response is longer, he will take longer to type it than a response that is only a word or two.

THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND:

this is a beta, which means it is not the finished product.

FOR THE TOUYA-NII CHAT: the chat you are playing is technically only half of what the full chat would be; you are only playing one route with a few different branches and two variations of the same single ending. (in other words, there are several different ways to reach the same ending, and each branch has slight variations).

FOR ANY OF THE SHORTER DEMO CHATS: the chat you are playing is merely meant to be a demo of what the game entails; like a sample of what you can expect from future paid chats! these chats have short, simple stories with 2-3 different ‘routes’ and no ending pieces of prose.

a full chat would have at least two separate routes within the same scenario/setting, and at least two different endings.

we encourage you to play through the chat several times to discover which choices yield which results, and to explore all the character has to say!

WILL OTHER CHARACTERS BE ADDED IN THE FUTURE?

yes, of course! any of my iterations of ANY character (bnha, bsd, and tokrev) has the potential to be added to the game in the future. i am also open to taking suggests and prompts from you all for future chat scenarios!

HOW MUCH WILL THE FULL GAME COST?

chats will either be sold on an individual basis, where you can buy each chat separately for $4-$6 USD depending on the length, complexity, number of endings, etc OR through a monthly subscription of $7 USD, enabling you to have continual access to the entire catalogue of chats as it grows, with the minimum number chats being released at least two per month. both options will be offered in the full version of the game.

[teejaystumbles]

~

Angry voices pull him from a dreamless sleep.

"But this is the home of Robert Gadling."

"Not anymore it isn't! He didn't show up for two months, left no message, paid no rent! I waited for three weeks out of the goodness of my heart, sir, but after that I had to rent the rooms out again! I ain't made of money, sir! He can't have them back! The house is full!"

Hob opens his eyes and is confused by the strange perspective. His stranger's face hovers above him and he can see the ceiling of his apartment house. He feels strangely weightless and realises with mortification that his stranger is carrying him in his arms. And is apparently engaged in a verbal spat with his landlord. His dark eyes sparkle dangerously and he growls:

"You will find room or I will..."

Hob decides this is his cue.

"Sorry? Can I, err, get a word in?"

Hob gives his surprised stranger an awkward smile and his indignant landlord a little wave.

"Sorry dear, could you...put me down, please?"

His stranger frowns as if reluctant to release Hob (and it does make his stomach swoop fiercely) but finally sets him down after several seconds.

Hob quickly brushes himself off in an attempt to appear less undignified, barefoot and half-clothed in only trousers and shirt and gives his landlord his most charming smile.

"I'm so sorry. I got hit over the head and forgot my name and all and they put me in the sanatorium until I recovered my memory. My... acquaintance here got me out only today and brought me to my latest address. I got hit by a spell of dizziness on the way. Head is still a bit tender, you know?"

He laughs apologetically. "Anyway, so sorry to bother you. I will pay you the lost three weeks of rent, of course, once I've settled in somewhere new. Have a good day, sir."

He grabs his stranger's sleeve and pulls him quickly out the door. He follows him with a bewildered expression.

"Hob..."

"Not here."

Hob stalks on until they're a few streets away and steps into an empty alley. Only then does he realise that he is still holding onto his stranger's sleeve. He hastily let's go and mumbles an apology.

"Sorry. I...thank you. For getting me out of Burgess' house. And bringing me to my... well, my former lodgings. But I, I..." He looks around quickly.

"I'm concerned Burgess' men may still be watching this place. In case you showed up, probably. I didn't tell him anything about you, mind, but-"

"I know." the stranger interrupts him gently. Hob finally looks at him. His friend (and had he imagined him call him friend back before falling asleep?) still looks exhausted. There are deep shadows under his eyes and his posture is one Hob isn't used to see on him, stooped and almost timid. He is still beautiful. Hob blushes and looks back down at his bare feet. No shoes, no coat. Alright. First things first. He takes a deep breath and clenches his fist.

"I'll be fine from here. I don't want to keep you unnecessarily. I have a stash of money hidden away in case of emergency and provided the old goat hasn't caught wind of that, too, I'll be all set to start anew in a day or two."

His stranger seems to droop even further.

"You want me to leave?"

Hob's head shoots up, eyes wide.

"What? No! That is, I only thought I'd have taken up enough of your time already! It's...not been a hundred years, right?" He tries for a laugh but it falls flat and his friend's face looks pained. He tries again, unable to keep the truth out of his words.

"Listen, I... I'm sorry. For calling you lonely. For wanting to force you to admit to being f-... I...I..." He falters, unsure what he wants to say. "I am very grateful. That you would still come to my rescue despite all that. You can name any price, I will gladly pay it."

His stranger stares wide-eyed at him and frowns.

"There is no price, Hob Gadling." His face turns softer and he quietly adds: "I only did... what any friend would do..."

This time he has not imagined it, Hob is sure. He feels the blush rise on his cheeks again and smiles despite himself.

"Then thank you, again, for your help, my friend."

His stranger gives him a small smile back and takes a step closer. Hob has to lift his head a bit to meet his eyes.

"Have you got taller since we last met?"

His friend smirks. "I am always exactly as tall as I want to be. Hob."

"Oh. So the fact that you're towering over me right now...that's intentional?"

His voice is playful but his stranger's face grows concerned. "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

Hob laughs. "What, you? Nah. I find it charming. It's almost like you want to be big enough to protect me. Err..." He realises too late what he's said and wonders if he should take it back but his friend is smiling again.

"Perhaps."

Hob knows he's definitely blushing now and there is no way his stranger doesn't see it. He clears his throat and shuffles his feet, which makes him again aware of his lack of shoes.

"Right. I... would love to get dressed, actually. Do you... want to accompany me? See if my hidden stash is still there? You can protect me from any of Burgess' men, should they be looking for me, since you're apparently already in the mood for that?"

It is cheeky and presumptuous, but his stranger only hums deeply, like a purr, a sound that goes straight to Hob's groin and he shifts from one foot to the other awkwardly.

"Yes. If you will allow me... I would guard you until you have regained your footing, Hob Gadling."

Hob swallows and manages a nod. "I... would be glad. My friend."

continues here: Part 3

also on AO3 now

1889 drabble

Continuing from this post

~ Time goes by faster after that. Burgess grants him a few days to get his bearings and strength back.

Hob gets a room - with barred windows, but with a bed, a bath and food and drink. He takes full advantage of everything Burgess offers, if only to make him think him a grateful fool. Better the man thinks his will broken, Hob muses. It will make playing him a lot easier. And so he puts on a meak demeanor and shows respect, as if he's afraid to go back to the cellar. He is, but not as much as he lets Burgess believe - or so he tells himself. The first nights in a bed in over a month have him dreaming repeatedly about Burgess with a dozen arms, every one carrying a knife, coming for him from all sides, cutting out parts of him, labeling them after careful inspection while he chokes on his blood. Every night he jolts awake with a scream and lies awake for the rest of the night, terrified.

~

"My Lord. Don't you think it is time to check on..."

"Lucienne." he warns, but she huffs and continues brusquely: "With all due respect, sir, I believe whatever it is your... acquaintance and you have argued about, you will not like the fact that his dreams are-"

"ENOUGH!" Thunder rolls through the throne room as the Dream Lord rises to a fearsome height to tower over his librarian.

"Must I forbid you from touching his books? Or will you stop speaking about this like I ordered you?" Dream seethes. Lucienne stares back at him in defiance. She clutches a book to her chest. He grabs at it.

"Give that to me. You will not talk about him to me again, have I made myself clear?"

She releases the book and Dream pulls it from her hands and throws it behind himself onto the steps of his throne.

"Yes, my lord." Lucienne grits her teeth and stalks out without his leave. He lets her go.

The book has fallen open on its latest page onto the steps and Dream gives it a dark look, contemplating setting it on fire. Destroying a dreamer's book would be equal to erasing part of their memory, though, and so he holds himself back. Despite himself he steps closer to the book and a few words catch his eye.

be safe

Dream frowns and finally picks up the linen-bound tome and reads the latest dream thoughts of Hob Gadling.

I can endure. I can endure anything as long as you are safe. Please be safe. I don't care if you'll never see me as more than a peasant, but I can't bear to think of what they'd do to you if they catch you.

I'm running. I've been running towards you all my life. Is it still far? How much farther must I go? Where are you? If I stop he'll catch me. If I stop he'll cut me open. I don't know what to tell him. I've told him all I know, all I've learned over the centuries, but I haven't told him about you. He wants to know more. He wants to cut the secret out of me. The knifes are everywhere, they reflect in his eyes when he asks me how I am not dead yet, again, again, and I say I don't know. I am running. If I reach you, will he catch you, too? Don't let me reach you then. Don't let him catch you. I can endure.

Dream's hand shakes and he almost drops the book. He grabs it tightly and flicks back through the pages quickly. Dream after dream, nightmares really, have Hob running and falling, terror and pain spilling from his words. And interspersed with them, again and again, are pleas addressed to Dream (he knows, even without his name), but not for his help, no, but for his safety, to not fall into the same trap as Hob.

You can be hurt, or captured.

Dream has sunk to the stairs while reading and the light in the throne room has gone dim and reddish. He closes the book with a thud and stares at the golden thread stitched across its cover.

Robert Gadling - Dream Journal 1889-present

Dream presses his lips into a tight line and puts the book into his coat. Then he rises and steps towards a small side door, opening it to the library (he is impatient and so the library is right behind this door at this moment). His librarian is nowhere to be seen but he speaks into the library anyway, knowing she will hear it.

"Lucienne. I..." he searches for words but can't bring himself to voice an apology. "I acknowledge that your concern towards a certain dreamer seems justified. I will attend to the matter in the waking world. Please send Jessamy if there is any urgent business."

He doesn't wait for an answer and steps back into his throne room. He pulls out his pouch and pours sand into the air to form a portal.

I can endure. Please be safe.

He pulls on his helmet and steps through the portal with clenched fists.

[the-malfunctioning-somnambulist]

As much as I agree with jokes and genuine analysis about Irwing being the inspiration for Dracula, what I've been thinking about since starting 'Leaves of Grass' and since reading Bram Stoker's letter to Walt Whitman in full, is another possible parallel: between Stoker's relationship with Whitman and Seward's relationship with Van Helsing.

Van Helsing is a foreigner, like Whitman was to Stoker, but to Seward he too embodies universal human ideals - "an absolutely open mind", "indomitable resolution", "the kindliest and truest heart that beats" etc. As for his funky speech, well, there's that part of the letter...

"More than a year after I heard two men in College talking of you. One of them had your book (Rossetti’s edition) and was reading aloud some passages at which both laughed. They chose only those passages which are most foreign to British ears and made fun of them. Something struck me that I had judged you hastily. I took home the volume and read far into the night."

Also Stoker writes to Whitman:

"I have not addressed you in any form as I hear that you dislike to a certain degree the conventional forms in letters."

Compare it to the way Renfield first addresses Van Helsing while asking to be let out:

"What shall any man say of his pleasure at meeting Van Helsing? Sir, I make no apology for dropping all forms of conventional prefix. When an individual has revolutionised therapeutics by his discovery of the continuous evolution of brain-matter, conventional forms are unfitting, since they would seem to limit him to one of a class. "

There is no objection from Van Helsing at that - everyone in the group is indicated to be impressed by the whole speech, which means Van Helsing, like Whitman, does not mind this disregard for titles.

Did someone say big blue eyes? As well as bushy eyebrows and a broad fine forehead with hair fallling naturally back and to the sides? If you look up a couple photos of Whitman, they do deliver. Between him and Irwing, is it me or did Stoker have a thing for eyebrows?

And well, throughout the book, Van Helsing is described by Seward as a great teacher - and as very much a man. (Drinking game for each time Seward uses the epithet "iron" for his jaw or for other aspects of him, seriously). Again, let me quote from the letter:

"You are a true man, and I would like to be one myself, and so I would be towards you as a brother and as a pupil to his master."

And:

"How sweet a thing it is for a strong healthy man with a woman’s eye and a child’s wishes to feel that he can speak to a man who can be if he wishes father, and brother and wife to his soul."

Seward as a character is someone who has a bunch of icky urges (ahem, experimenting on your inmates, ahem, getting jealous that your crush took less blood from you than from her actual husband, AHEM), but at the same time Seward wouldn't risk losing his social position and perceived moral purity to fully give in to those urges. Stoker displays the same kind of caution in his first message to Whitman:

"If you are going to read this letter any further I should tell you that I am not prepared to “give up all else” so far as words go. The only thing I am prepared to give up is prejudice..."

And there's this, fandom bullshit aside, truly heartbreaking sentence in the letter:

"But be assured of this Walt Whitman — that a man of less than half your own age, reared a conservative in a conservative country, and who has always heard your name cried down by the great mass of people who mention it, here felt his heart leap towards you across the Atlantic and his soul swelling at the words or rather the thoughts."

Stoker's first letter is very naive in how it calls to Whitman and challenges him for even a moment of attention. It's a heartwrenching mess of defensive anxiety and hopeless honesty. It very much sounds like the voice of someone who never left the closet, before or after thirty.

(Marrying in his thirtieth year means he was an old bachelor by the era's standard. Seward is twenty-nine when he proposes to Lucy.)

And then Whitman responded to all that, and the tone of the letter feels largely friendzone-y. "My dear young man", flattered and honored but in a more impersonal way, please don't idealize my image because by now I'm just an old man living in the woods and suffering after paralysis. Something lukewarm.

Is it then really such a stretch to suggest that Jonathan and Dracula's isn't the only relationship Stoker, perhaps inadvertently, channeled something more personal into? A fantasy where your idol and mentor comes all the way from another country just because you asked him to, shares his toil with you and trusts you with his innermost thoughts while still avoiding complete and definitive interpretation because he is no common man?

I do think the two Johns parallel each other a bit as focal characters who often center their narratives on striking older guys showing them affection in weird but not fully unwelcome ways.

... anyway, this is why I headcanon Seward as the same kind of watchful dark-eyed thing that Stoker was in photographs

[hoodiewithhorns]

━  using your safeword scenarios p.3 !★

genre : hurt/comfort smut.

characters : f! reader x sakusa, matsukawa, kenma

p.1  + p.2 + m.sterlist + requests  

(please read the rules before requesting ty.)

▼ cw : not proof read, use of safeword, neglect , unprotected sex, degradation , clit spanking ( 1 ), impact play ( sakusas part ), mentions of exe(s), caught masturbation (reader) , pillow humping, thigh riding, implied punishment, kinda crybaby reader, implied cockwarming, cheating (?), angst, established relationship, all characters are 18+, MDNI ▲

different safewords used this time <3

- ty to the anons and user @/please-take-me-to-the-moon for the scenarios <3 

sakusa 

word count : 1.4k

you knew better than to do this, humping your dearly beloved boyfriends pillow with just your cotton panties, a loose shirt with no bra under, like a bitch in heat, desperate for friction of any kind. You knew if he had caught you like this he would punish you that was guaranteed. however, in the literal heat of the moment you didn’t care. sakusa’s constant pattern of coming home the minute you were already fast asleep in your shared bed, never being able to fill the void of need in your little cunt. 

〜　☆

Considering he’d let this slide since its been a month since you’ve two have done anything sexual, these thoughts only making you hump his pillow even more desperate leaving a pool of your arousal staining his pillow, with the occasional soft whimpers of his name. losing yourself in your own lust, You didn’t hear the sound of the door clicking open.

Sakusa, leaving his practice early since his performance was unfavorable by the shitty mood he was in, lashing out on his teammates for the smallest things they’d do and so many more. in short, his team suggested he’d stay home t’ill he cooled down. 

“y/n? i’m home.”he walked around the empty apartment accompanied by the muffles of your soft moans, trying to find you as quickly as possible, obviously knowing it was you. he opened the bedroom door slowly and quietly. his eyes grew wide at the scene in front of him. 

still not noticing his presence in the door frame you continued humping his pillow feeling your high approach, but leave you since you needed him. 

“tch.” clicking his tongue at you in disapproval. you flinched letting go of his pillow to face him, feeling your heart race when you made eye contact with him, arms folded and a look of disgust planted on his pale face. Your eyes already filling up with tears knowing what comes next. “m’ y-yoomi! w-welcome home-”

“who the fuck gave you permission to touch yourself?” cutting you off, walking towards the bed, he pinned you down to the bed, arms on your sides, hovering over you with his dead, cold, heartless gaze cutting through you, as you tried to look away in shame only earning you a slap to the face to make you look at him. the sting causing you to choke out a sob. praying internally that he’d let you off the hook just this once. you were just needy for him.he has to understand that, right?

“answer me, right.now.”

“n-no one yoomi... i’m s-sorry please don’t wanna be punished!” you pleaded to him only making him more angrier. he grabbed your jaw making you whimper at the tight grip. scanning you top to bottom, eyeing at the wet patch on your underwear. 

“then why did you huh? couldn’t wait until i got home couldn’t you? needy fucking thing.” he tutted, letting go of your jaw harshly, tugging your panties down to your knees already feeling impatient himself by how his cock hardened through his shorts. despite wanting to punish you, he wanted you. needed you to be precise.

 the man hasn’t felt you in a whole month how could he not miss his girlfriends tight slutty cunt? removing his volleyball shorts letting his cock spring free, he strokes himself a few times before lining himself against your cunt, letting a small sigh when you felt his hard tip touch your soaked entrance. 

feeling slightly relief you were finally gonna feel him after so long. That feeling of relief however didn’t last long when he slammed his fat cock inside you without warning. you let out a yelp, hands immediately going to his chest hoping for him to not bruise your cervix from how deep he was already. he growled when he felt your palms try and stop him, so he slapped your hands away roughly marking them red. 

“b-but yoomi please it hurts..it h-hurts” 

you figured he didn’t hear you. but he was too focused on punishing you to care if it hurt or not. so you pleaded again for him to slow down. finally getting a response from him.

“shut up you disgusting whore.you brought this on yourself, touching yourself while your boyfriends away.”

“...dirtying up his fucking pillow while he’s gone. how fucking pathetic.”  he spits, slapping your clit harshly in attempt to get you to shut up. his degrading not having a hint of reassurance anywhere like it usually does when he fucks you. normally, he’d call you his “slut” or his whore but never ever calling you a disgusting one at most, what did this mean?..you asked yourself, mind going hazy with fear. feeling like your boyfriend finds you disgusting for your actions, and not a single trace of love or concern for you, not even noticing how you tried inching yourself away from his pace. 

sakusa was a mean dom yes, but he cared about you and your boundaries and right now it seemed like he didn’t care about any of those.

too focused on his own pleasure, not realizing you slowly started to breakdown in front of him, hands to your eyes shaken from how hard he hit them, as more tears fell to stain your cheeks.

“n-no not disgusting..i-i’m...so sorry..sakusa..just missed you.” you muttered no longer feeling the long needed pleasure of his cock, only feeling a painful discomfort in your chest as if your heart was gonna burst out of it at any minute. he was caught off-guard by you calling him by his last name, but that didn’t stop the brutal pace on your sloppy cunt. repositioning his hand to your hips digging his nails in your sides, bound to leave marks to be seen in the morning. 

“addressing me by my last name? what you think thats gonna make things better?”he muses, his pace speeding up making you whimper. you’ve just about had enough.

“germs! g-germs! no more, i don’t like this!! y-you’re hurting m-me sakusa... please s-stop..stop.” screaming your safeword, trying to get him off you, you pushed with the little strength in you with your fragile hands. it wasn’t enough but he got the message. blinking a few times to make sure he processed the current situation.

he sighed pulling his cock out watching you with wolf eyes as you softly cried to yourself, turning to your side. he didn’t say anything he just laid down beside you. sneaking an arm around your waist, face buried in your neck. he planted some soft kisses onto it trying to make you relax. if he was being brutally honest, he didn’t know what to do.

you never used your safeword and even if it didn’t show in his face, he was pretty frightened. watching you tense up and shake around him all because of him.

“ y-yoomi..im sorry-”

“don’t be.”

he rubs your hands with his thumb in slow but comforting circles, seeing its still red from being slapped away by him, along with him kissing your cheek to simmer down the sting from earlier. god he felt so bad, but was so scared at the same time, all he wanted to do was hold you close..

..and thats what he did, watching you curl up to his chest. The room was silent for a few minutes that felt like hours gone by. you looked up at him with the look you always gave him. Full of love and adoration even with puffy eyes and hurt in your chest you still loved him.

He looked down noticing the soft smile you gave him as if nothing happened. Titling his head in confusion he asks

“why are you smiling? aren’t you upset..at me?”

you shook your head at him, “no yoomi I’m not mad. My body kinda hurts yes, but I’m glad to have you home...i missed you so much I’m sorry i touched myself without permission...”

he lightly smiles at you kissing your lips softly.

“it’s okay. tomorrow we’ll have the day all to ourselves and we can do whatever you want my love. I’m sorry i was so mean... i was having a bad day and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

you paused leaning in closer to his chest as you mumbled.

“can we...take a bath together yoomi?”

“oh sure...here i’l carry you.”

needless to say, you forgave him and gave him one last kiss before going to bed.

kenma

word count : 886

kenmas work schedule was god awful since he was practically up to play games and just that leaving you feeling needy and neglected. you hated it. 

but tonight you were just, so needy and couldn’t stand this constant neglect.

No matter how many times you touched yourself of grind against something it couldn’t compare to the way kenma would stuff you with his cock.

he wasn’t a super harsh dom leaning towards a mix of soft and mean, but he still prioritized your needs before his. and tonight you were gonna get that version of kenma.

walking towards the couch he was playing his games at slowly, with nothing but his hoodie and knee highs. you bit your lip standing in front of him, fiddling your thumbs out of nervousness. He titled his head to remove you from his line of sight to see the tv screen better making your heart ache just a little, being so used to it already.

taking a deep breath you sat in between on of his thighs wrapping your arms around his neck making him let out a groan of annoyance to your needy antics.

he continued to play his game acting as if you weren’t there and nothing changed. it all came to a halt when he felt you grinding on his thigh, letting out small cries of his name.

“baby.... please” you mumbled facing his disinterested face not even sharing a glance at you as he continued to move his thumbs around his controllers joystick. He didn’t even pay mind to the fact you were borderline naked either.

“five minutes pretty girl.” he muttered still too absorbed in his game. You pouted shifting your legs to be wrapped around him now, wet cunt on top of his crotch rubbing against him lightly. Making him flinch at the sudden friction. giving you hope he’d give you what you want now. you smirked continuing to grind against him making him bite back a grunt. 

“ugh what are you doing?” he said clearly annoyed by your antics already.

your face became red while placing your hands on his shoulders slowly starting to grind against his growing bulge. “want your attention kenma please need you so bad.” you begged hoping he’d give you something anything really.

but being kenma, he went back to his video games. your pout returning once more. “but kenma, please i really really need you.” you continued with your antics and he paused his game, putting his controller on the coffee table. 

“fine you want me so fucking bad?” he grabs you by the hips making you yelp as he throws you down the couch. back hitting the cushions while he takes your legs and wraps them around his waist.

he pulls down his sweats pumping himself a few times as he rolls his head back, holding back his grunts. he slowly slides his cock into you, being easy to do considering how wet you were already for him. 

he groans as he bottoms out inside you starting steady, but slowly picking up the pace to be more..brutal.

“k-kenma..m’ feels good thank you thank you” you rambled out praises making him grab you by the throat to thrust into you faster. 

“god you’re so fucking annoying bothering me because you wanted to get your cunt stuffed like a little slut while i fucking work.” he scoffs making your eyes shoot open at him.

“such a fucking annoying little slut.” he continues his degradation thr grip on your throat not loosening. you felt you eyes grow teary as he continued to call you more vulgar names with the sprinkle of him calling you annoying. 

“ c-console...” you mumbled wrapping your hands on his wrists, making him let go of your throat. he froze getting closer to your face as he pulls out slowly.

“huh? Whats wrong does it hurt?” he asks rubbing away your tears with the pad of his thumb. 

your lip quivered as more tears started to form. “...i-im annoying...?” you looked him in his eyes as more broken sobs leave you.

“I just wanted some attention kenma...you’re always so busy sometimes I don’t even think you remember i exist..” you muttered feeling small under his cat like stare. 

he sighed kissing your cheek, falling to your. side feeling his breath hit your neck. “sorry baby i swear i didn’t mean it...you’re not annoying its my fault for not giving you attention.” he admits as you wrap around him. 

“y-you promise you didn’t mean it?” you ask once more. he sneaks a hand under your head to lift you up to his chest, patting your head softly. 

“ i promise. here why don’t you sit on my lap, we can do that thing you wanted to try last week...” he looks away embarrassed, you tilt your head in confusion but then realize what he was referring to. you nodded joyfully wrapping your arms around his neck, he adjusts himself for you to line up to take him. he  slowly puts you back down on his cock. hissing at the returning feeling.

He smiled kissing your forehead lightly as he hugged you tight. 

“better my love?”

“mhm mhm!” you said placing your head on his shoulder as you relax into him. slowly drifting away into sleep. its not much, but at-least it stuffs your very needy cunt.

matsukawa 

word count : 615

what lead to this? you two were just on a simple date together at a nearby mall shopping together, looking at upcoming movies, stopping by a few manga stores and bakeries to treat yourselves. overall, just enjoying the time shared together. 

that is t’ill the two of ran into your ex. issei watching the two of you talk to each other not realizing how uncomfortable you really were, hiding it with a friendly facade of course going unnoticed by him since he was practically death glaring your ex. 

he was basically third wheeling in your conversation with your ex. you would side eye issei hoping he’d pull you out of your situation but it was too late since his mind was cloudy with jealousy and rage.  

now, leading up to your current predicament. a heavy make-out now leading to a degradation fest.  

“aw whats wrong little slut can’t take me, fucking pathetic much?” he teases pounding you at a faster pace. “can’t believe my own fucking girlfriend was just there being all friendly to her ex..what don’t tell me you still want him?” he muses making you rapidly shake your head. 

“ no i don’t i swear issei..just wan’ you..”you muttered eyes growing puffy from how cruel he spoke to you as he continued to suggest away of how would get him back since it seemed like you missed him from how friendly you were acting.

growing quiet at his words trying to tune out his words. it’ll all be over soon anyways, you just had to hold on a bit you told yourself. of course you were an idiot for letting him keep going. 

“ maybe i should go ask how kimi’s doing act all friendly and nice towards her.” you tuned into what issei had said in horror at what he just said.

kimi, his much prettier ex who t’ill this day wasn’t over him and he knew this. throwing it in your face as he darkly chuckled at you. you removed your arms that were wrapped around his neck pulling him close. and cupped your face in your hands at the thought of your boyfriend going back to his ex. leaving you alone again.

he wouldn’t right? even though she was much prettier in every feature she had compared to you. he wouldn’t right..? right? 

“f-funeral...“you sniffled making him stop all his movements and lock eyes with you. your safeword ringing in his ears. 

“hey..hey no i didn’t mean it...” he quickly pulls you towards him, pulling you out of him and hugging you tight. he rocks you softly back and forth in his embrace letting all your bottle up feelings burst onto him.  he quick to comfort you and pepper a few kisses on your face.

“ issei..” you mumbled against his chest. he rubs your back looking down at you.

“yes baby..?” his voice shaken with worry hoping you weren’t too mad at him.

“ i-i don’t miss him.. i was only being nice..i was uncomfortable talking to him why didn't you..” he internally punches himself for being so blind and not being able to see by all your movements how uncomfortable you were just breathing the same air as your ex.

he was too blinded by his jealousy to realize his poor baby was scared. he mumbled a curse before apologizing.

“i’m sorry baby i didn’t realize he was making you uncomfortable i should've done something..” his eyes wander away from you.

“ i was just jealous..” he admits

“but issei.. you’re all i want.” you say kissing his cheek and he smiles gracefully. 

“am i-i all you want sei?”

“ duh pretty baby. everything  i want and need.”

matsukawas is so short i’m so sorry ahhhh but i hope u all enjoyed <3