#would you call it clogged up I DONT WANT TO SOUND MEAN THATS NOT THE HASHTAG JADELEMONADEE WAY

[jadelemonadee]

doing my annual (every 5 minute) scrolling through the seabury tag and being bombarded with The Asks

[whump-mania]

prologue: the journal

(tw implied parental death, apocalypse scenario)

9/17/2034

my name is Quinn Taylor. i am 13 years old and im writing in this stupid notebook about nothing because my stupid mom made me because i need to “work on my writing” and i think thats stupid and boring. she said i can write what i want so im writing about that i dont want to be writing. she said i have to write ten sentences. maybe i can make really short sentences and be done so i can stop. this is sentence six. this is the seventh one. eight. nine. ten okay done bye journal

9/20/2034

i have to write in my journal again because its monday. my weekend was fun though. dad took me to see a movie. i think it was the one with the minions but like the seventh one. it wasnt good but he bought me popcorn so it was ok. we went to the post office after. i like the post office because all the stamps are cool. school today was boring. i got in trouble because i was late because i was in the bathroom. i dont wanna do this anymore im bored

9/21/2034

My mom read my entries and she said I have to use good punctuation now. I don’t really want to because it’s exhausting. But now I’m going to do good punctuation because she said that if I did then we can go to the pool on Saturday. Swimming is fun and it’s still hot in the fall so it’s okay. Sometimes there are leaves in the water. I really don’t like punctuation. It makes me feel like a grownup. Boring. Boring. Boring okay done.

9/22/2034

I am really really mad. I have to write THIRTEEN sentences today because my MOM said that my last three sentences yesterday weren’t sentences. I know you’re reading this mom!!!! I think your rules stink!!! But I really want to go to the pool so I take that back. But your rules still kind of stink but only a little bit. Hey mom, when we go to the pool, can we bring the darts that go to the bottom? I can get the ones all the way to the deep end. It’s really cool. I would have been done here but I have to write thirteen sentences. This is so so so dumb. My hand is cramping now. This is too much.

9/23/2034

one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten.

9/24/2034

Sorry, I had a really bad day yesterday. My mom said that since I called her rules dumb we can’t go to the pool tomorrow and I got really mad. I really wanted to go to the pool and now we can’t. But she said that maybe if I do a good job next week we can go next Saturday. So I’m going to try harder next week, and hopefully I can go swimming. I just remembered that I don’t have school on Monday. Maybe I won’t have to write in my journal on Monday. That makes it a lot easier for me to earn the pool. Maybe my dad will come swimming with us too. I like when he throws me up in the air.

9/28/2034

Someone at school said something really weird today. She said her dad and a bunch of his friends are going to “rule the world” and it’s gonna happen on Friday. I think that’s kind of stupid. That girl is kind of weird (sorry if that sounds mean). I asked her why and she said “because”. That means she’s making things up. I really hope my mom likes the sentences I’m writing. I found the pool darts in my closet. I’m going to throw them all the way down to the deep end this time. I hope my ears don’t clog up.

9/29/2034

The girl from yesterday didn’t show up to school today. Nobody knows why. I don’t know why I’m still thinking about her. I never talked to her before yesterday. Maybe what she said kind of creeped me out, I don’t know. But she didn’t come to school today. Am I at ten sentences yet? Nope, I’m at seven sentences now. I think doing this has made my handwriting better. I guess that’s a good thing?? Thanks mom…I guess.

9/30/2034

school got cancelled today. im really scared. i dont know whats going on. the principal told us they found spray paint on the doors saying really scary things and no one can come to school now. mom is on the phone with my friends mom making sure hes ok. my dad is at work still and i want him to come home really bad. i dont know whats happeni

10/1/2034

mom and dad went to the store together to get a lot of food so we can stay inside. its friday now and i yelled at them to not go because of what the girl said and they said we need to eat so they went anyway. im in my room. i want them to come home so bad. mom im sorry i thought your rules were dumb i love you please come back home

5/27/2038

It’s really weird looking back at all of these. It’s freaky, knowing I wrote these on the day everything fell apart. Never thought I’d see this thing again. I’m on a scouting mission right now, for food and supplies. I thought I would visit my old house. It doesn’t have a roof anymore and my bed is all moldy. But this book, this damn notebook is in the same place I left it. If Daniel saw me slacking off right now he’d kill me. I guess I’ll leave this here forever.

A lot of shit has happened to me after 10/1/2034. But in all honesty, I think the saddest part of all of this is that I never got to go swimming.

tag list: @tears-and-lilies @mammonsemptycreditcard @abitefullofwhump @myst-in-the-mirror @xzinn-fury @whumpasaurus101 @whmp @freefallingup13 @sadistgalore @firewheeesky @finch-birb @authorofemotion @lavmars @whatwhumpcomments @w-whump @wingedwhump @writerat @wvnda-whump @whumblrwork @ficklefuddle @yesimlonely

[oneustual-moving]

woohoo tag game !! ☆～（ゝ。∂）

thanks to @hwee-ing for tagging me! :]

(answers under the cut so i dont clog up ur dashes)

1. why did you choose your url?

bc the oneus obsession is too strong & oneustual just sounds fun to say in ur head! also i am everyones’ oneus mutual so <3

2. any sideblogs?

just @oneus1stwin !

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

since 2013 i think ? not w this blog obv but i was super young yikes

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope! so even though u see posts & activity from me most of the day, thats me in real time yikes!!

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog ever i started bc i liked doctor who 😔 yes one of those kids. & then i started this specific one bc i wanted to move blogs from my last one. not for any real reason just felt like switichin it up!

6. why did you choose your pfp?

dongmyeong:] <3 also bc the colors matched my layout

7. why did you choose your header?

hc i want ppl to know that even though im oneus-tual i am also onewe-tual and if come here then its a package deal babey 2 for the price of 1 its weus! also yonghoon pretty

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

the one w my uquiz where i guess ur oneus bias actually !! surprisingly ! it has like 220 notes

9. how many mutuals do you have?

probably around 300 technically. but alot of them are inactive. i have around 20ish that i regularly interact with & would consider pocket friends!! <3

10. how many followers do you have?

321

11. how many people do you follow?

323

12. have you ever made a shitpost

every minute of every day of my life <3

13. how often do you use tumblr every day?

whenever i have free time. so when im not doing school or housework. even if im watching stuff i’ll usually be on it bc or focus or whatever </3 too much!

14. have you gotten into an argument/fight with another blog?

i dont think so ? closest i came was someone telling me i couldnt have criticisms of the mdzs novel but i didnt argue w them & they were wrong so! i dont wanna get into details of my issues w the novel since that doesnt matter here, but im still right!

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this?’ posts?

some of them tend to be guilt trippy and compare serious issues against each other, but other than that theyre fine if like the sources are legit & any donation links are as well. i tend to rb them bc im not in the place where i can donate rn, so spreading the info is the second best thing i can do!

16. do you like tag games?

yes! i’ll just only do them like 10% of the time bc i can be lazy and put it off and then i forget and it gets buried in my notifs

17. do you like ask games?

YES!!! give me attention pls <3

18. which of your mutuals is tumblr famous?

i think it’ll be offensive tk them if i call them “tumblr famous” but i do have a few mutuals that r like big accounts & relatively well-known if that counts lmao

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no but i love nd appreciate all kf them dearly <3 or like friend crushes if u call them that, by that meaning i want to be their friends but im too shy & mentally ill to consistently talk to more than one person at a time !! im sorry

20. tags?

@kingleedo @followfindyou @lovepaintt if u want ! & anyone else who wants to :)

[all-is-pulchritudinous]

i am :(

im sorry, nobody here wants to listen, skip this if you want

but all i really want is to be able to feel safe but i walk on eggshells

like, i cant shower or go to bed securely anymore, and its not fun, since im not allowed to lock doors

and then theres the fact that i for some reason feel guilty if i talk to anyone

my brain says “shush, you know you dont matter”

so i try to be to other people what i want someone to be, like i try so hard to be nice

really i just wanna be wrapped in a blanket with someone who kisses my forehead and calls me their starlight and talks in whispers with me until i fall asleep

thats so gay, which is another issue, because i have internalized homophobia

i wish i could just fall asleep and never wake up, not be dead but, not alive exactly either

like the lyric from the song i heard once on the radio that has stuck with me for years

“wake me up when its all over, when im wiser and im older”

and the tumblr anons are good, i love you friens, and people on discord are amazing

but i also feel like people say things out of obligation? like they have to not because they care to

and i wish i had someone to talk to who could just be... a friend

and i did, and they were amazing, my girlfriend

we stopped talking lately because my mom didnt like the idea of us even though she said she liked the idea of us, i mean, she said we can revisit it but she stopped all communications idk if they even want to see me any more, and when we do, its gonna be so so awkward, and thats gonna sting and since high school is coming up, and since we’re in the same friend group, its all gonna crash so i also feel like i need new friends, just because she’s shy and i don’t want them to have to get new friends, so i will, so we don’t bump into one another

and there’s a million other things tied to that

and there’s a dozen other issues that have a million little things each

this isnt me acting like im the only one in the world feeling like their life is coming apart but it sounds like it

i would delete this post, but im in so deep i cant

im sorry for clogging up your dash, i will shut up now

[oswednesday]

yesterday i made curry and cleaned a bunch, nothing like harsh or chemically just tidy’d between online like chores, i really like making meals that arnt urgent and like going about the house in like a Gentle way it really feels like the place gets woken up with you? i hope to be able to do that more and like carry that with me or like in the future itll be working on projects while stuff is cooking like oh dreamy it feels like if i sit down to work work i might burn something ggdf like theres a different sense of urgency but omg so i just made food and fell asleep basically and heres the only part i really remember, this was like a recipe level intro to this dream im sharing fdgdf

i was in a class but it was set in my preschool caf which was also the areas like rec center, it has a stage like it does irl, its very like ethnic of it dsdsd and the class was like a reading literacy thing where we practiced reading out loud and stuff so maybe more of an acting class? but it was in the dream like englishy like a reading class, which omg my grade school did seperate reading from like grammar now that im thinking on it, omg anyway this old book collector had donated a bunch of books from like the 17th century cause whatever fantasy currency he had only accumilated based on Deeds he was still mega wealthy but you know like ooohh nooo my massive wealth is only huge how embrassing and i had volunteered to read them like hehehe he’ll fall in love with me, and there was like a class host? class rep? or whatever like an older student who sat in with the younger students to help as apart of like guidance thing older students are expected to do in catholic schools (or at least the ethnic ones fdgfd) and she was dressed goth and so was i and like a teacher was like which one of yous shawl is this and she was annoyed that my stuff would be confused with mine and as im typing this im like pretty sure this girl in my dreams was my actual like assigned older student like we got lunch buddies or w/e and they were suppose to like share food and talk with us and like eat with us as like a mixed age thing and she was sooo mean and didnt share anything i cant fully remember what she did or said but one of the other students like took me from her and had doubled up like hey get away from that person and i recall now feeling like oh no im doing something wrong i should go back to her, hmm much to think about

but omg then i left the class with people i knew from highschool who were both like not the core group and nice to hang out with casually and became like seperated from the group cause of group drama or just like different life directions with no self awareness of it, but in the dream it was just us, the latter one was trying to get validation from us and like teachers about becoming a military nurse and we were like noooo dont be a bootlicker and also how dangerous that is for your person and like the building we were in was like so so different ive never really been in a building like that before it was like the vague feeling of a school building in a scifi setting but with like darker lighting and blue tones like 90s scifi, it was time for gym and i didnt want to change so i just hiked my skirt up i was wearing like this extra long black one, some boy kid came in to harass us and i was looking for a decent place to get changed but it was all just like lockers like the alchoves of lockers was shaped like a square with a wall missing also hey isnt it wild that young children are expected to get naked in front of their peers and teachers and shamed when they use the bathrooms to change like there’s absolutely nothing else like that in society where thats acceptable and on top of that most american schools dont even have like gym uniforms so its like get judged twice in an american gym class

but omg okay like you have to leave the changing room to have access to the bathroom but the hall wasnt like a full hall it was like half walls with a space under it too, and the kid threw a red rubber ball in after me and it like bounced and rolled back into the changing room, the toliets were at the end of the hall, no doors but they were facing like the opposite direction so like your back would be too each other if both were occupied and like the “boys” one was super clean and new and the “girls” one was clogged unclean and junky and i was calling to the others to look at this, act of sexism and i group had gathered to be like hey wtf and then it clipped to like lunch

it was like a sushi bar from another planet like i recognized the food and what it should look like plated because in the dream ive like read about it, but how it was like to be assembled i had no idea like you were suppose to do it yourself and people, older students and teachers and other staff, sat around the serving station, i didnt know what to do and was afraid to cut into a group so i was doing my best to put the food together how i remembered from books but i knew i was doing something wrong, finally someone got up from a table that was nearer to a wall and had put me in front of a kitchen worker that was still doing stuff and they had an exchange in the planet’s like native language or like the language from whereever we were on the planet and i thought i was in trouble cause the exchange sounded urgent but then the worker was like if you dont know what youre doing it can be dangerous and then showed me how to crack and peel this eel like thing that had to be open up like a shrimp to be edible and like what parts to pull off and like you had to eat that first as the Start of the meal and the worker was like your homeroom teacher had boasted about a student who had read into the culture we were in and i was all like super embrassed like oh thats me haha!! ;’;’;’;’ and the worker was like i noticed, you did as good a job as you could on your own and then after i had gotten help at like all the food stations i went to go sit with like the First Years who were in a different eating area with like a pull down projector set up playing stuff like the gist of it was like visual lessons in the guise of like media like eduatainment from the native culture and i woke up before i could find a seat

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18.  We’re with Jane... that might not be good.  Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again.  :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation?  Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this.  Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really.  I can see why they singled out page 18.  I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this.  This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

like

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON????????   D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation.  Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.”  D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA  D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff.  Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here.  I should... TRY to lighten up about this.  Try.  D:

(...wait, shit.  Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page.  God damnit.)

[[ EDIT:  askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario.  I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this.  Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache.  Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D:  D:  D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!!  What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics?  Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever??  Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked.  Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT.  Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK.  It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all.  Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience.  But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either.  Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript.  Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation?  Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her.  Never mind.  Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison?  No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole.  Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center?  That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE.  WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit...  And, I mean, what the hell could she even do??  It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers.  I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript.  Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party.  Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of.  Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh.  Huuuuhh.  What the fuck is all this for.  Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now?  To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business?  And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers?  And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage?  Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD  D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck.  So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something.  Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good.  So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved.  Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart.  Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD.  So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting!  Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge.  I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping.  That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi.  Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is.  Why would it be anything else.  I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY.  WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO.  I MISS IT.  YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split.  I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.

[baekhyuniebacon-blog]

Prisoner - part 1

Baekhyun x reader

next>

summary: Y/N works in a prison where Baekhyun comes to sit his 6 year imprisonment. He catches Y/N’s attention right away and it’s hard for her to keep herself away from him. Weird events make her avoid him but Baekhyun needs her help. He's the main suspect to a murder but swears he didn't do it. Will Y/N trust him and let her feelings take over?

warnings: violence, mentions of death and blood, cursing 

words: 1,5k 

Masterlist

You were scrubbing the floor of the old part of the prison. There were no prisoners yet, so it was easy to clean it. No staring, yelling or lame pick-up lines. The cells were nasty and had no privacy.; three walls made of concrete and one was just metal bars, so you could see everything they did in them. Two beds and a table were all the prisoners had and nothing else. Maybe two of their personal things that they were allowed to have. It looked hideous and gloomy, no one wanted to be here, and it was understandable. Some prisoners had fights and that’s why there was usually blood on the floors and walls. Of course, you were the one who had to clean them.

This was your second year working in the same place, so it was nothing new to even find people’s ears from the floors. It sounds bad, but this was a cruel prison the black hole were all the despicable criminals were brought. Everything was crazy, and no one was safe from the guards and especially from the prison warden. He controlled the prison with fear and most people feared him. Not everyone though, there were always those contrarians who didn’t believe a work he said.

You were the only woman and the only cleaner and no wonder why. You see, it was lucky for you to be even alive and well. There were many rumors that the previous workers had left after going crazy and some had died here.

“Hey sweetie” a voice said behind you. You got startled as you were so deep in your thoughts. You didn’t turn around, hoping he wouldn’t call you anymore. It was forbidden to talk to the prisoners. The curiosity almost took you over and you wanted to look who it was. You hadn’t noticed him earlier, therefore he must have been brought today. “Don’t you hear me?” he asked raising his voice and tried to get your attention. He called you many times which made you clean the floor faster.

You didn’t want to talk to any of the prisoners today. Sometimes you broke the rule and chatted with the nicest ones, if you were bored. You got in trouble from that but now you wanted to go home in time and it required you to not get in any kind of trouble.

While getting up from the floor you took the sponge and the bucket into your hands and started to walk away without glancing back at the man. “Hey, stop! I just want to talk” He shouted after you and hit the bars which made you wince at the loud noise. He didn’t sound angry rather desperate and you badly wanted to turn back. Luckily one of the guards turned to the hall. He had bed sheets and was taking them to the man. In your head you thanked him for that as the man went silent after noticing the guard.

Later that day your boss, the prison warden, called you to his office. It made you tense right away. He was everything else but nice and caring. If he wasn’t working in prison, you would think he’s a criminal himself. “You called me, sir” you said as you arrived at his office. After closing the door behind, you took a seat opposite to where he was sitting. The smell of coffee and the warm air went through you. I was nice to finally smell something else than just the men’s sweat and sewer that had been clogged for a month now.

“You might have noticed that we just got a new prisoner” He said while rubbing his beard and staring out of the window on your right. “He’s unpredictable and I don’t want him to escape. I suggest you keep yourself away from him. You’ve caused so much trouble and if he escapes, you are in charge of that. You do know what that means, don’t you?” he said turning to you. You nodded slowly “I get a death sentence”

“Exactly. You can leave now” He sighed and started to read his newspaper. You didn’t even get to the door when he stopped you. “Y/N”.“Yes?” You asked, carefully turning around to face him. He had a smirk on his face. “I know you should get out now, but your help is needed at the kitchen. It’s a soup day tomorrow and you need to chop the vegetables”. 

Well there went your free night. He always made you over work and there was nothing you could do about it. You just wanted to wipe that faux-smile off his face. He buried his face to the newspaper and you left the room. You groaned while tying back the apron you had just taken off in thought you were going home.

It was already night when you got the vegetables cut into pieces and you were able to go home. You changed your grey t-shirt, jeans and the white apron to a hoodie and leggings. The cells had no lights in them anymore, but you could see light peeking out from the old part and before you knew it your legs were going towards it. You tried to walk as quietly as you could. They wouldn’t wake up even if you marched down the hall with high heels, but you just wanted to be careful.

After checking that no one was near, you turned from the corner to the other hall. With light steps you got closer to the cell where the new prisoner would be. It felt terrifying to be there with the eerie silence. You were too curious to go back as everyone kept talking about the new guy.

You leaned against the wall that divided two cells. The man’s cell was on your right. Turning your head and getting closer to the cell you could see him. He sat on the edge of his bed while reading a book. His hair was pitch black and his orange prison clothes almost suited him too well. His expression was soft yet so cold. You looked at his lips and they looked sweet and- Wait why am I looking at his lips? You asked from yourself. You lifted your gaze back to his eyes just to find him staring back at you. Rapidly you pushed your back against the wall and cursed under your breath. You froze and felt embarrassed.

“No need to hide anymore. I already saw you” he sighed but sounded amused. You should have just walked out in the first place. As much as you wanted to run away and punch yourself you decided to turn to him. “You’re pretty good at pretending like I’m not here” he said and put down his book to look at you in the eyes. It made your heart beat faster in your chest and you could feel yourself blushing. The fact that he had gotten you red-handed staring at him, his lips particularly. “I’m used to it” You finally said and cleaned your throat. “Why wouldn’t you talk with me earlier?” he asked. “I’m not allowed to”.

“You’re talking to me now though” he said tilting his head to the side with a playful smirk lingering on his lips. “I don’t always obey the rules” You answered and crossed your arms. “Oh, but that’s not very good, isn’t it?”. He leaned his back to the wall behind him and kept looking at you.

You rolled your eyes and wanted to say something back until your eyes met the clock. It was already 1 am and your bus would leave in 5 minutes. “Shit” you cursed. “I have to go, see you tomorrow” you said out of habit without much thinking. “Sure sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere”. You saw his grin go wider and as much as you wanted to correct yourself you had to run to the bus. No way you were walking home.

Once you were back home instead of going to sleep you opened your laptop and tried to find the newest crime news. His face popped to your screen after scrolling through pages for a while. You clicked the link which revealed a clip of the news. “Today the assassin, also known as Baekhyun, that police have been tracking for months has finally been put in prison to fulfill his sentence of six years. As there are no eye witnesses nor enough proof of the people that he might have killed, his imprisonment isn’t that long- “. You cut off the video and shut your laptop. This was something you didn’t imagine him to be.

He killed people. He killed them for money. No matter who it was he would kill them. That thought made you shiver. You curled up in your bed, pulling the blanket on your chin. While staring at the wall, thousand thoughts went through your mind. What if that’s why he wants to talk with you. Are you his next victim?

Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think about the part 1 of my prisoner Baekhyun series :) My first language isn’t English so I’m sorry if there are any mistakes.

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Hey I saw your ships are open again. I wanted to ask I f you could make me one for Queen and the boharp cast? I am 5’0 black curly locks that go to my mid back, green eyes pale skin and I have lots of earrings and piercings in my ear. I love to play the guitar, singing, listening to music and watching tv shows and movies. I am quite the sassy person, also sarcastic at times but I am also a very good listener and I love to smile and just goof around. Well yeah that’s it I suppose.

Hello!!! Hi sorry this took so long but im HERE NOW gosh i had so many requests before this and i already knew who i wanted to ship you with from the moment I saw this ahhhh

Anyways here goes (it’s all below the cut hehe i dont wanna clog anyones dash)

For BoRhap, I 100% ship you with Joe Mazzello!

Joe is the perfect match for you, just because he can keep up with your wit and humor so well! He loves how sassy and sarcastic you are, and his energy fuels your sharp tongue and goofy sense of humor. 

He loves goofing off more than anything (see above gif), so he’s always trying to embarrass you in public, but you just end up outdoing him anyways.

“Hey, babe, look!” he’d yell almost tauntingly, daring you to look up at him from your phone as you tried to post your picture with Lucy. When you’d look up, he’d be break-dancing rather terribly to the music playing, Ben cheering him on and recording it while simultaneously trying to not die from laughter.

But you wouldn’t be embarrassed - in fact, you’d go in and show him up, stepping between him and Ben’s phone so that you were the main focus instead. He’d try to have a dance battle with you, but would quickly give up once he realized that you were a superior dancer/master at silliness.

Ben’s video would end with Joe picking you up, pretending to be mad and storming off with you as you squealed and laughed in his arms, begging Lucy or Ben, or really anyone to help you.

Speaking of helping, you love helping him catch up on TV shows and movies once he’s been away for a while. Filming takes up a lot of his life once he’s got a job, so he misses out on a lot of good movies and shows when he’s away, which prompted you to start keeping lists of everything he needs to watch once he returns from whatever he’s working on. 

He loves this. A lot. 

What else does he love? You in baseball caps. Whether or not you like baseball, Joe is a big baseball guy, so seeing you in a baseball cap, seated next to him in Yankee or Dodger Stadium? That’s heaven to him. 

He sneaks cute little pictures of you during the game, too. A lot of them. He won’t stop until you’re grinning and trying to take his phone, and even then, he’ll sneak a few more. 

They’re his favorite pictures of you - but he doesn’t post them on social media, preferring to keep them for himself. While Joe Mazzello is no stranger to social media, he feels oddly protective about his pictures of you. He instead saves them for himself, then looks back on them all the time when he’s been away from you for a while.

While we’re on the topic of being away for a while, Joe also has a tendency to ask you for videos of you singing/playing the guitar when he’s been away. Your favorite time was when he was working on BoRhap.

“Just one!” he’d begged, his voice pleading with you over the phone to send him a video of you playing a song, any song. He didn’t even care if it was Wonderwall, or some other overplayed song. “I just want to hear your voice, babe.”

“You are hearing my voice, right now,” you’d giggle, and Joe would groan melodramatically at your cheeky way of turning it around on him. “Alright, alright, give me a minute,” you’d finally assented, Joe cheering on the other side of the phone as you grinned, shaking your head.

Once you’d sent the video, it was a moment before you’d heard back from him, but he also sent a video in response. Clicking on it, you were immediately greeted with the loud sound of him practically yelling in excitement, his face taking up the screen as he situated the phone in his hand so it was easier to hold. 

“You’re a natural!” he’d yelled, and then he’d received a small flick on the ear from an unknown person, who turned out to be Ben once you’d heard his voice admonishing Joe for being so loud while they were filming.

The camera had then turned to Ben, who’d waved and blew a kiss once he realized he was being recorded. 

Joe quickly took the phone back, focusing it on his face again with a faux stern look. “Don’t catch that kiss, babe. Let it fly. Okay, wait, catch this one. I love you. Bye!” He’d then blown you a kiss himself, and the video cut off as you’d seen Ben’s hand come into the frame, grabbing the ‘kiss’ and laughing as Joe yelled in protest.

When it comes to looks, Joe is absolutely obsessed with you. The first time he’d went on a date with you, he’d accidentally admitted that he first noticed you because of your hair and eyes. 

“It was just so striking, I had to get to know you,” he’d said, almost blushing as he recalled the first time he’d met you. You were both at a mutual friend’s party in NYC, and he’d actually gone above and beyond to come talk to you - meaning he nearly tripped over a rug on his way over. 

But he thought you hadn’t noticed, so he wouldn’t tell you that, and you’d never admit that you actually had seen his stumble. You thought his clumsiness was endearing, and it’s the reason you’d entertained his attention in the first place.

“What do you mean by that?” you’d asked, hiding your pleased smile behind your glass of wine as you watched him over the rim. 

“I mean, look at you,” he chuckled, gesturing to you and smiling widely. His eyes, which were always so animated, looked positively enchanted as he looked over you for a second. “You’re beautiful, how could I not be blown away when I saw you? That curly black hair...“ he’d trailed off, dramatically clutching at his chest as he feigned breathlessness. 

That had provoked a delighted giggle out of you, and he’d grinned goofily as he also took a drink of his wine, chuckling at himself.

And that’s how you spend most of your time together. Laughing, because nothing is better for the two of you than the feeling of making each other laugh.

Plus, Joe is damn funny, and so are you. Win-win.

For Queen, I ship you with.... drumroll please.... crickets.... Brian May!

My reasoning? Well, Brian is a bit more reserved than you, and it took him a minute to warm up to you in the beginning. Your sense of humor was a bit more advanced than his was, and he could hardly keep up with your banter, which got him flustered.

“Brian, can you help us out here a bit? You’ve been tuning Red for a fucking hour now, I think it’s good,” Roger had complained, you and him struggling to figure something out on one of the amps in the studio since John had stepped out. 

Brian had shrugged, setting Red aside and joining you two in your pondering of what the hell was going wrong. Brian almost jumped when you spoke, it was so quiet between the three of you.

“She, Rog,” you’d chastised, giving Brian a knowing look. But Brian had no idea what the hell you were talking about, and he cocked his head to the side as he looked at you curiously. “It’s a she.”

“What’s a she?” Brian had asked, completely forgetting about what Roger had just said moments ago. “The amp?”

“No, silly, Red,” you’d laughed, making Brian blush lightly as he felt like an idiot once he remembered Red, sitting back on the couch. “I reckon Red is a she, just like boats are shes. I call my guitar a she. You’ve got to treat your women right, Rog.”

“Um, yeah,” Brian stuttered out, almost confused by what was taking place. He wasn’t quite on your level, but that was okay, because Roger wasn’t either.

“What are you on about?” Roger had asked, shaking his head and not really wanting an answer. 

But he got one anyways. 

“Oh, I guess you wouldn’t know about that, would you? Treating women with care?” you’d taunted. Brian snorted and covered his mouth as Roger had protested weakly, but from then on, Brian began to appreciate your quick comebacks and seemingly unending stream of jokes.

On the other hand, he really loves that you can sit back and listen to his rants when he needed to vent. Brian is an emotional type of man, but he’s not great at expressing his frustrations in the heat of the moment, which makes him even more frustrated with himself and leads to the bottling up of his feelings until his breaking point.

The night he’d realized he’d fancied you, he was at one of those breaking points. You were both hanging around the van, the other boys still fooling around at the pub after the gig. Brian had left early, annoyed by a spat with Roger earlier that hadn’t been resolved due to poor communication. You were already on the van, sleeping in the backseat up against the opposite window when he’d climbed in.

“Oh, sorry, love, did I wake you? Shit,” he’d muttered, sitting seat across the row of seats from you when you sat up halfway to rub your eyes, still drowsy and bleary with sleep. It was awkwardly cramped in the back, and his knees were almost up to his chest as he sat there, not sure how to position himself. You remained draped across the seat, your feet resting just next to his side

“No, no, it’s alright,” you’d murmured, stretching before looking over at him and finding that he looked a bit annoyed. “You alright?” you’d asked, turning on your side and patting the seat in front of you, offering a more comfortable spot for him.

He’d obliged, laying down in front of you and letting you be the big spoon as he sighed. “I’m just pissed off, Roger doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say half of the time...”

And from there, he’d ranted for at least an hour, barely pausing to hear your input before going on. You’d listened the entire time, nodding and playing with his hair as you did so. And when he’d run out of words to say, he finally noticed that you were braiding his hair, still attentively waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry if I bored you,” he’d almost cringed, biting his lip as he turned on his side so he was looking up at you. You laughed softly, readjusting so that you were comfortable laying on your side next to him, and you’d dropped the braid as you’d propped your head up on your hand.

“Well, you want to know what I think?” you’d asked, Brian nodding quickly and staring up at you as you started in with your advice for him.

The entire time you’d spoke, he’d been staring at different things, admiring you. 

He admired the way your green eyes flitted around the van as you spoke, as if you were looking for the right words to say, then plucking them out of the air in that small, cramped van and putting them to use.

Also, he admired the glint of the moonlight on your piercings. Although he wasn’t a big piercing man himself, he loved them on you. In that moment, he’d realized that they only added to your beauty, which was already very present.

He’d taken a small strand of your hair in his hand as you spoke, admiring the way your skin contrasted so greatly with your hair, and he also appreciated that he wasn’t the only person having to deal with curly hair. 

Once you were done speaking, he’d smiled toothily. “You know, for someone who’s always got something sarcastic on the tip of their tongue, you sure do give good advice.”

You’d smiled at that, and that smile was what had gotten him, hook, line, and sinker. 

“Hey, no making out in the van unless it’s me!” Roger had yelled suddenly, throwing open the door as he crawled in, making his way on top of you two, and you’d both laughed loudly as a drunk Roger shoved his way between the two of you, making Brian nearly fall to the floor.

What a shit.

[gayrob0t]

This advice is, while well intentioned, entirely unhelpful. Like the more I think about it the less helpful it is?

The part that they're talking about lifting is called the float/fill valve. It is almost always standing behind the handle in your toilet tank. All it really controls is the water level in the tank as well as the idle water level in the bowl to a lesser degree. It works by the water level lifting the float until it reaches a high enough point to shut off. So what happens when you lift this thing is that you've stopped supplying water to the tank, but as soon as you let it go, it's going to start up again. Sure you could prop it up with a ruler, but now you're just wasting time finding things to shove into your tank thats probably going to finish filling in the meantime anyway

Slightly better advice? Theres a flexible rubber tube that runs from the top of the valve to the tall pipe in the center of the tank(the flush valve) that supplies a stream to the bowl to ensure the trap is creating a water seal. Just pull this rubber tube from the center pipe and aim it back into the tank. Now your tank is filling without filling the bowl

The best bet really is to just shut it off at the fixture shut off by the wall. Just turn the handle, though do be careful as sometimes these can lock up when left untouched for longer periods and break. (If you are unable to turn by hand, dont force it, just call a plumber)

Of course all of this is going to be almost useless to the problem presented because you're dicking around with entirely the wrong side of your fucking plumbing. if your toilet is filling with water YOUR PROBLEM IS YOUR DRAIN NOT YOUR SUPPLY.

Here's some advice from an actual plumber. If you have a bathroom with a shower/tub and toilet and only the toilet is backing up, you have a solid chance of clearing that with just a plunger. Proper tips for plunger use is to ensure the bottom of your plunger makes a seal with your toilet drain and you have a bubble of air trapped in there. Give it a good few pumps before lifting, letting the water drain and trapping another air bubble. Repeat until water drains. If you want to splurge on plumbing equipment(sometimes worth it if you have small children flushing foreign objects) pick up a toilet auger.

If at any point water starts coming out of your tub or shower drain, DO NOT RUN ANYMORE WATER IN THE HOUSE. You have a main line clog.

if you only have a half bath and the toilet is backing up, run your bathroom sink and keep an eye on your toilet water level. If the sink drains just fine, then the clog is in the toilet, plunge away, if the sink is just filling up the toilet, you have a main line.

If your toilet backs up and then slowly drains out, thats usually an obstruction in the trap. Attempts to plunge can be mixed here and sometimes the only way to get it out is with the toilet auger mentioned above (though sometimes pulling the whole toilet is necessary) this can also indicate a venting issue, often accompanied by a stranger sound from your sink or tub when you flush. In which case call a plumber, they might have to get on your roof.

Alright, now you know if you have a main line clog. This can mean the entire home is not draining out to the street. What to do next? Call your city and tell them your home is backing up and you would like them to check their side of the drain line. The city will come and look for free. If the problem is on their side, they clear it. If not they will let you know that it is now in your hands.

Then finally when all else fails or you dont feel comfortable taking any of these steps, call yourself a plumber from a licensed plumbing company. I understand that plumbing is expensive, but it is one of the most underrated investments you can make. You want to catch plumbing problems early, before they turn into a full on catastrophy. And even moreso, you want to get a professional opinion on a problem before you make it a catastrophy of your own.

if your toilet bowl is filling up with water and is about to overflow (or is already):

take the lid off the tank

hold up the floating device. it’s usually a rubber ball on the end of a stick.

if you’re not sure which part to lift, gently lift up various things until you find the one that stops the water.

you will not need get your hand wet bc the part you’re looking for is usually at the highest point!!

the toilet bowl should immediately stop filling!

PS: toilet tank water is the same water that comes from your sink faucets so please don’t panic if it gets on you

[kris-side]

okay so 

im putting this under a readmore just cause its kinda long and I wanna try and not clog the dash or whatever

you can read though all this mess if you want, i’d probably be happy if you did, but you dont gotta. its just me rambling a lot trying to talk about stuff and being sad. I just kinda. wanna get stuff off my chest? And maybe you can give me advice, maybe you cant, this is mostly just for me. “well why are you posting it then” well maybe its cause a little reassurance now and then doesnt fucking hurt lmfao. i know none of you would probably say that its more me @ myself

you know that whole 'not feeling trans enough' really is a big fuckin mood sometimes like

I try not too. Think too much or too hard about it. Like. Okay sure. I have a few friends that call me Chris, I even have one of my teachers calling me that! He's chill and good.

Im he/him online but offline is 90% out of the question, Im still Kristin to almost everyone. Im starting to only introduce myself as Chris though. I think thats a good name that I can and will stick with.

And its like I may not be a girly girl but I feel. Too much of a girl to tell people im he/him you know.

I dont post many pictures of myself but i've got long hair, a girly face (i think?), a big chest (that ones super ugh). Im not really. Dysphoric to the point where I super duper hate my body and cannot live with it, but i've never liked my chest, at all. (And I think gender wise or not I’ve just kinda always disliked my body, since. Im not athletic, I feel fat and like im only getting worse which i probably am) What I wouldnt give to be flat again. What I wouldnt give for people at my highschool to never make comments about my big chest ever again- my fucking. One of my friends (granted he's really stupid) used to call me 'moon balloons' and do you have any idea how upsetting that was? I just. But i tried to laugh it all, oh its just a joke. Another friend used to always comment on my chest and how he wanted to motorboat me, and so did the first friend mentioned. I think they probably both liked me but i was just. Ugh. I hated it so much but did they stop? No. They treated me like my chest was all I was, I feel like a lot of people thought of me and saw me like that too. I have no doubt. 

And like I feel like I havent had the right experiences, but thinking about it, when I was in middle school I used to tell people 'im a boy trapped in a girls body' and I dont know anything clearer than that. I didnt even know what being trans was at the time you know, i didnt have much internet access or exposure to things like that. I started thinking about it more in highschool but I was always too afraid.

Ocrober of 2016 I told my mom was trans, by accident. You'd probably think 'by accident? How?' Well, it was like. Me and my mom had to buy me something nice for the NHS orientation, being a senior, I had to read some stuff. I introduced all the incoming members. So we did that, and she was just. Stressing me out. I joked about wearing a guy’s outfit. Dont think my mom liked that. I found something that I actually kinda liked, something I would wear, but she didnt want me to wear it. Why??? Idfk. Maybe its cause it was grey but nothings wrong with grey? She wanted me to wear more colorful, frilly things. Things I didnt wanna wear. I liked what I had cause it had kind of a tutleneck thing going on and had long sleeves, and i was always self conscious of my hairy arms. Or just my arms in general, idk, but. She started getting mad at me and I started getting upset to the point I was crying and then in the changing room I blurted out that I was trans. Afterwards I tried to roll with it and explain to her, but I started feeling less sure as I went on. I wasnt sure this was the right decision at all. 

It hasnt been brought up since. I think maybe she forgot about it, or she thinks I’ve grown out of it or something. And i dont think my step-dad would support it, I dont think the rest of my family would, though. Im not sure how much I Really care about the rest of my families opinions (most of them are pretty shitty. My step-dads side is good though).

Though I mean idk. I cant know for sure unless I bring it up but I just. Cant. What if they hate me? I dont think my mom will but my step-dad? I dunno, what if he gets mad at my mom for it? What if he leaves cause of it- i cant. Deal with that kinda stress, my mom's been through 1 divorce already cause i think my dad was cheating on her, I would die if I was the reason it happened again. I think Im really afraid mostly because I’ve heard them make comments like, my dad’s side of the family on Christmas they talked about. Caitlyn Jenner, and they just. Didnt seem very happy with the idea of a man transitioning to a woman, so. Why would I be the acceptation, cause Im family? Or maybe thats just a whole different story but idk. 

I know thats probably really stupid but its how I feel. And I feel like. What if I do regret it? What if im not happy with how i turn out. I dunno. I dont really wanna have kids of my own, adopting always sounded more appealing, but i just. Dont know? I dont know. And I mean thats life but I just

i dunno

[pantheon-god-of-war]

I am curious to hear your opinions on this. But what would you change in Pantheon's character/abilities if you had the chance? Maybe change his E to something else? A different Ult? What are your thoughts?

This one is a tough one actually. We need to figure out a certain few factors before we get into the actual skills. 

First off, do they want to keep him as this awkward assassin burster he is? Or do they want to take a more juggernaut approach with him? I would have to know what riot intends to do with him and in what category they want to stuff him. I see Pantheon as someone who would WANT to get into team fights, but also someone who is a terribly good duellist (I know that sounds op but well, he is the god of war)

What always kinda bugged me about Pantheon is that he is supposed to be this mighty paragon of battle with no peer in the art of combat, a celestial aspect of war that augments his host to the super human levels, but then in game you jump in and get insta clapped. 

If I were to rework Pantheon I would try to get away from the assassin builds even though I am guilty of rushing full lethality on him. Thematic wise he should be a warrior, something as durable as maybe Darius, Olaf and the sorts. By no means a full on tank, but certainly someone who cant take a licking and keep on ticking. 

(yes you can build tank pantheon as well, but its god awful because your willingly making yourself into nothing but a stun bot)

I would take away on his damage (yeah I know crazy right?) And give him more crowd control. I would take away the lock on stun he has. I know its what makes him viable because he can safe stun the carry and so on. But in this day and age its … outdated? Give him instead a leap with a little longer range that has a small area of impact in which he stuns his enemies. That alone will raise his skill cap immensely. People can dodge it, but good Pantheons will also be able to stun multiple targets if applied right. It also gives him more mobility for the jungle or roams. (Yes I know he has an ult) 

On the topic of his heart seeker. I dont know. I have a thousand ideas for Pantheon and his possible skills. I have recently thought about giving him a spartan kick that stuns when hitting enemies into a wall or another champion. a small dash the length of poppies Q with a stun at the end that knocks back. The ability can be recasted into heart seeker or a similar damage spell where he does something fancy with his spear maybe reduce armor/ cool down for number of enemies hit so he can spam his kick or something. Something to make him a viable disruptor in team fights. Pantheon would have to thrive in battle. I thought about things like hecarims aura that heals him for damage taken and dealt or something. Sustain in fights is important for someone like the god of war. Darius excels in long team fights, Pantheon needs to do something similar. I have been for a long time thinking about % damage to combat other warriors and tanks. But seeing as Rhaast is that very definition of tank killing bruiser I doubt they will do the same to Pantheon. For the area of effect I would make it more linear not as much of a cone. But as trade off you can activate the ability and move the line around to redirect the spear thrusts. If you have good tracking you will do immense damage by sticking on one target, if you miss well .. you give away a lot of potential damage. Keep the below 15% 100% crit chance, it makes him intimidating, maybe add some armor pen per hit as well. Because spear were made to pierce through armor. 

His Q is hard to say, people say it should be a skill shot, maybe something he can pick up again, but thats just to much olaf undertow for me. I personally like the lock on spear (obviously lol im a filthy panth main) But with the addition of the skill shot w and the new e where damage is now skill reliant his q could be the one thing that kinda saves it for the more casual players. (TBH I wouldnt care if they made panth all skill shots, I mean I would just sit down and learn the bad boy to perfection) But over all I think the Q will have to face some changers. You cant give him such crazy early game poke and dominance when he then also scales so well into the late game with his new cc and stuff. Another idea I had was make the spear a skill shot, but instead of using a spear Pantheon actually uses lightning (or a lightning spear) He throws the thing down it has a small AOE that gets struck by a thunder bolt a second later or something. (idea here is, throw the spear, jump to them and stun, wait for the lightning bang, then kick and follow up with new hss) Another idea I had which I also really liked is that he throws his spear, but it is attached to a chain wrapped around his arm/body. He gets movement speed while running towards you, you take a dot. Or he can recast the spear to pull you closer which he can then follow up with a stun into kick into new hss

Now to his ult. I have thought so long about this again and again. I think his current ult is a nice idea, but its crap. Smart players will most of the time always manage to get out of the ult unless your team really cooperates with you. Which is (lets face it) not to likely at times. I have thought about making his ult a blood rage where his skills get empowered, to give him more strength in team fights where he can go ham. I have come up with some funny three hit combos where he gets three attacks he can combo together for an instant kill if all three hit (kinda like urgot but thats taken now) Some sort of grounds slam in a cone that stuns and/or knocks up for initiation. Some sort of whirlwind dash attack where he blurs his spear and dishes out damage while shredding armor like fucking crazy. (against tanks)  I also have been contemplating a diana like ult where he dashes to a single target to follow up with his combo, the dash resets after a kill or something (kinda like irelia Q) Then because he is the god of war I thought about something gilgamesh like from fate stay night (or however you call those) Where he summons spears to his side which he hurls at his enemies form a farther range. Skill shot based, but maybe root his enemies as the spears impale them. Ive thought about something like a renekton ult where he grows in size, discards his spear and shield in exchange for two swords, or a sword and an ax where he then does true damage/bleed or something with his auto attacks (something you would want to nope the fuck away from) as last offer before I clog everyones dash I though about keeping the old ult, reducing the range, speeding up the leap to like .5 seconds and the descent as well to make landing faster and more reliable with the smaller ult radius. Something along the lines of Noc ult range. Additionally to the smaller ult radius he gets a larger radius than his old ult in which he and his allies are empowered (more movement speed, attack speed something along the lines of empowerment) because as the god of war, when he lands in all his might he would empower his allies with his presence alone. 

Anyway, I have a ton of ideas with him, some are quite out there, like a warrior who has floating swords that he can hurl at his enemies or do things with, another is where he can toggle between weapons like spear/shield sword and ax for different play styles etc. I just hope Riot puts as much thought into him as I do. (knowing myself and my unhealthy obsession with muscular spartan dudes that have crush on sun waifus that probably not the case, but heres to hoping)

[captn3]

Hey I was wondering how is genderbending transphobic?

before i say anything i just want yall to know i am Not trans so..im.. not an expert on this. but. this shit includes genderbends genderswaps cisswaps whatever yall fuckin call it. a lot of trans people find it really uncomfortable. sure, some trans people justify it, but.. the majority seem to hate it? i have a few friends who could probably explain this better, but. it’s.. bad..buut masculine people wearing dresses n shit? perfectly fine!!as long as you dont fuckin, sexualize it?? anyone can wear dresses. suits. anything you fuckin want!! but people who draw shit like a character wearing it as a prank or something unwillingly?? i think that’s fucking dumb!an alternate universe where everyones gender is the opposite? that’s kinda fuckin weird! it’s basically the same as racebending. think about it. an au where everyone who’s one race is another. What The Fuck Dude! i’m not saying darkening a character’s skin is bad, that’s perfectly fine! i’m just saying if you literally change a character’s race or gender it’s really fucking weird. you cant do that specifically. you cant just straight up change their gender or race. whitewashing isnt cool either.if you hc their original race along with another thats fine as well just dont change their race entirely its.. it’s weird and stupidand i admit! i used to think genderbending was a fine thing.back when i didnt even know shit about the lgbt community and only thought you could be straight and cis.and what else? younger me actually made some of those genderbend aus! i’ve obviously changed, now that i know it’s really fucking terrible, but. if you still think it’s fine and not transphobic after literal trans people saying it makes them uncomfortable? and even still make fucking art of it? go. get off of my blog. please. i dont want you to be here.but what is perfectly fine? trans headcanons. like if you headcanon a character being trans. ex: that miku post, i think i even reblogged it once. yall probably know the onei do not want to cover the super crown right now that’s just another level that i dont even know how to explain anything about.. i mean if the character wearing the crown is already feminine/female/uses she/her it’s obviously perfectly fine just handling everything else sounds like hell and i’d probably get tons of shit wrong... they dont seem exactly like genderbends?? i’ve thought they might be ok but i know im probably wrongg~ ~ ~.so. this is one of my messiest posts. all of my ranty or venty posts are like this. but. genderbending is shitty and transphobic especially when cis people do it and/or sexualize it. anon idk if you were genuinely confused and had no idea or if this was someone about to clog my inbox with shit defending it but. i hoped it helped a bit..? like i said i know nothing about this shit. if anyone would like to add on go ahead!

[apsbicepstraining]

The Evaluators: To Trade With Aliens, You Must Accommodate

CogNet init: Paul SRINIVASAN

Recip: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Datime: 2206.12.15.16: 45

[ Optimized by CogNet !]

Thandi, the commission on human rights referendums Tuesday. The teams disappearance isnt the main issue, but I dont like how theyre hasten this. Facilitate me out here, OK? Off the record.

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

So tell me how that billable hours thought works for you lawyers. Because I might, I dont know, actually have a chore of my own.

Thread reply from Paul SRINIVASAN

Please! [ Conceptual embed with caption: man bowing with sides pressed together] What do you want? Dinner? Vacation? Hours of mind-bending sex? Because I would do that for you, Thandi. No relinquish is too great.

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

You already told me you let your Spermicept patch expire. Stand the blaze away from me. What happened to Weis personal logs?

Thread reply from Paul SRINIVASAN

Gremlins? The slowdown is reasonably severe for this missiontwo years. Not enough black hole for a better communicate, or something like that. Ill see if I can find them. So, they snack her, right? They absolutely ate her.

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

No. I dont think they devour her.

Recall transcript, WEI Aihua

Meeting with neighbourhood Influential 1

Datime 2204.1.22.10: 10

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

[ All sensory recall except auditory muffled to aid lightstreaming .]

So what would you like to know, evaluator?

Tell me more of your parties, Adoration China.

If you dont mind, would you call me Aihua, delight?

Oh? Your aide be pointed out that your figures sometimes have meaning.

Yes, but [ laughter] That doesnt mean we like those meanings.

N. K. Jemisin

About

N. K. Jemisins speculative fiction has been nominated for the Hugo, the Nebula, and the World Fantasy Award. The first book in her Broken Earth trilogy, The Fifth Season, won the 2016 Hugo Award for Best Novel . The Stone Sky, the third largest notebook in the serial, comes out this August .

Ah. Please forgive, Aihua. Your expression still confuses.

Im stunned by your facility with my own language, actually.

We become aware of First Contact team.

Yes, but weve had just as much time to learn your language, and well. [ WEI caption: Here I attempt to speak in Manka C. The Manka word for modification translates inadequately. Its implication is more like submission? fitness ?] We am still terrifying/ poor at adaptation.

[ RATCHETING SOUND. WEI CAPTION: MANKA LAUGHTER. THANKFULLY HE RETURNS THE CONVERSATION TO ENGLISH .] It is true, you do not adapt quick as we. But that is expected. You are not evaluators.

Ah, yes. Since you mentioned that, if I may askwhat exactly is your role? Ive asked Hashish, the nurturer whos been evidencing me around, but it was unclear.

I am evaluator.

But what does that intend? What do you assess?

Everything. Parties. World.

For what purpose?

[ SILENCE FOR 2.5 SECONDS] I do not understand, Aihua.

On my world, beings evaluate procedures, achievements. For the purpose of improving them.

Yes. Improvement. Adaptation. Same with us.

I see?

You do not.

Sorry, I

It takes time for beings so different to accommodate. You do well. No is necessary to fear.

Thank you. Ouch!

The shells of [ RECALL BLUR. WEI CAPTION: LOCAL DELICACY, UNPRONOUNCEABLE] are sharp. You are disabled? Shall I summon humans?

No, Im fine, itll stop in a minute. Could you give me something toyes, thank you. Most of your biologicals are innocuous to us, and vice versa. I just hate that Im bleeding on this lovely cloth.

It is unimportant. More?

Yes, delight, its yummy. Youre an good cook.

[ Auditory recall ends. Interpret gustatory reminisce, 2204.1.22.10: 15, for renewal .]

Team Clog of TE Mission, Dar-Mankana

Post by WEI AihuaPublic

Datime 2204.1.20.19: 30

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

My first professor in sapio told me never to Earthropomorphize xenospecies, but the first thing that leapt into my thought when I met them was that the Manka look like upright cheetahs( cheetae ?). Males and females are indistinguishable to my attentions, lean and deep-chested, while nurturers, the third largest fornication, are noticeably more muscular and squarely improved. I pride myself in that my subconscious at least selected a predatory Earth analogue, which should deter me from loosening my protect too much.

Comment from WANG

Its simply cheetahs. And you have three PhDs?

Comment from WEI

None of them are in linguistics, OK? Shut up.

Tomer Hanuka

Team Clog of TE MissionDar-Mankana

Post by WEI AihuaTeamlock

Datime 2204.1.23.11: 50

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

I could KILL Rafkind and the whole First Contact team! What Neanderthal decided to tell the Manka about Christianity? This is exactly why the UC censored Americans from TE teams.

Fortunately, the district potentate seemed more entertained than anything by the idea of one mans demise absolving the incorrects of an entire species. Just one? Cute.

Now Im wondering what else FC screwed up.

FC Report Detail p. 67: Culture Notes

Datime: 2201.4.7.14: 40

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

[ Auditory embed with caption: Manka adoration chant? Recallers: Multiple; public action .]

My love sings behind me

And touches the nape of my neck

I do not look around

My heart flappings fast with fear.

FC Report Detail p. 224: Culture Notes

Recall by First Contact Team Member John RAFKIND

Datime: 2201.5.13.9: 24

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

[ Auditory embed with caption: Observed class 2 Deceptive ideation .]

Whoa.

Whoa?

Apologies. A colloquialism.

Ah. We must learn more of your world so that we may adapt to these colloquialisms.

That would certainly be possible after Trade Establishment, Hashish.

Why did you express a colloquialism, John?

Uh, well the male Manka walking by with that group of children. For some reason, when he look back me, I got the creeer, I find uneasy.

That was an evaluator.

An evaluator of what?

[ RaTcheting sound. RAFKIND caption: I think that was a laugh ?] Many things, at many times. For now, those children.

Were all six of those the evaluators juveniles?

There were three children, John.

Three? I didnt get a good review, but Im sure I appreciated more.

There were three children.

[ Recall ends .]

Team Clog of TE MissionDar-Mankana

Post by Angela WHETONPublic

Datime 2204.1.24.12: 40

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

Did some additional examines of the southeast central continent today. Those palladium sediments Have you guys heard the stock tolls since the CogNet-Pallenergy merger? My God, I might actually get out of student loan debt before I die.

Also noticed an rare concentration of calcium in various accumulations around the city. Hector proceeded with one of the locals to check out a nearby locate and was shown an open-pit tomb. [ VISUAL OVERRIDE EMBED WITH CAPTION: LONG, ORDERLY ROWS OF SEVERAL HUNDRED CLEAN, POLISHED BONES, ORGANIZED BY TYPE .] Each pit is several hundred hoofs deep, bones layered with dirt. Local announced bones the price paid. Ritual? Tag for sapiology review.

OhHector has asked me to note for government officials team log his hypothesis that the burial pits are f__ing creepy-crawly. So noted.

Recall transcript, WEI Aihua

Meeting with local Influential 2

Datime 2204.1.24.13: 10

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

[ All sensory recall except auditory smothered to aid lightstreaming .]

Forgive me for staring, evaluator. Its only that you gaze so different.

I have strained greatly to adapt because we last fit. Does my form satisfy you?

I dont certainly know what to become of it. You ogle

More like you.

Yes.

This distres you.

Surprises me, evaluator. On my planet “theres” souls that can change their coloration to blend in with the environment, but [ Visual override embed with WEI caption: The evaluators face. Memo the abbreviate of the muzzle and repositioning of the ears, at slopes of the foreman rather than the top .]

It has been difficult, yes. Your beings are strangely configured. Even more strange, inside.

How do you

Your bloods preference is most amusing. [ Pause] I have no goal of devouring you, Aihua.

[ Laughter] Uh, sorry. On my nature well. Our recreation are a lot of unnerving men that want to gobble us down.

Entertainment? But your parties are apex predators, are you not?

I suppose we are. Huh. Maybe thats why the notion of being preyed upon doesnt actually scare us.

[ Series of harsh exhalations. WEI caption: The evaluator believe that there is imitating human laugh .] Yes , no is necessary to fright! Tell me, Aihua. Why do you not have offsprings?

What?

Why do you

Sorry, I discover. The topic justits not something my people frequently ask in casual conversation.

I shall remember and accommodate. For now, will you refute?

Well, we have a problem with overpopulation and its effects: crowding, homelessness, famine, worse. Were redressing now, but their own problems took a long time to develop, it was therefore will take a long time to resolve.

And in the meantime, your it is necessary to simply lose?

Unfortunately, yes. It helps that weve modelled the Trade Network with other sapient species. That increases the resources available on my planet.

But with greater resources, your digits will continue to grow. Theres nothing to shape you stop.

We have our own sapience, which tells us that such rise is unsustainable. Because of this, only some of my beings choose to replicate. Im one of the ones who chose not to.

I see. But if sustainable growth was possible?

Maybe Id have a child. Perhaps. But it isnt possible, so no minors for me. [ Sigh] Now. Not to change the subject, but Ive accompanied some delicacies from my own world-wide to share

Good. I am most interested in eating some of your worlds revels. And if I may say, Aihua, the gleam of your hair is very fine today.

[ Recall ends .]

US NATIONAL EXOPLANETARY SURVEYMEMORANDUM

Levl: Official

Prio: Medium

Init: Salim GILBERTO, FC Team Biological Surveyor

Datime: 2201.11.13.03: 00

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Esteemed Survey members, colleagues, and sidekicks TAGEND

You will see from my FC report that Dar-Mankana is home to a plethora of speciessubstantially more than our own, which has yet to recover from the arrival of the Anthropocene. But a merely 2 million years ago, Dar-Mankana hosted three times more species than at present.

What could trigger such a destruction? Evidence indicates an interference in several key food webs: a polyphagous piranha which ate its road through tertiary and secondary consumers with such abandon that it likely justification its own extinction. Superpredators may be pop-science clickbait, but Dar-Mankana could represent our closest brush with one of these evolutionary bogeymen. The lingering damage is still perceptible: a relative dearth of megafauna, skewed predator-to-prey rates, insufficient biomass all around for the power that this planet creates.

Further pre-TE study is strongly recommended.

FC Report Excerpt, p. 530: Xenological notes

Datime: 2201.7.7.6: 32

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[ Some data loss has come; recompilation possible in approximately 127 daytimes .]

[ Buffering] compare to Dr. Gilbertos assertions.

The crater is smallless than half the size of Earths Chicxulub crater, which is widely believed to have triggered the extinction of the dinosaurs. While surely large enough to crusade catastrophic neighbourhood shatter, this cannot explain the mass extinction.

Core samples from the ocean floor discover an abundance of palladium and [ Buffering]

Team Clog of TE MissionDar-Mankana

Post by Hector PRINCIPETeamlock

Datime 2204.1.25.06: 30

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

Sorry if the committee is blurry. Cant sleep. Theory occasion!

Why arent there more Manka? Theyre ripe for Sagans technological adolescence. Weve seen this on so many planets that its practically a law of nature; there is a requirement to erupting at the seams, same as us. But the Manka are precise the right population size for their societys resources. Nobodys thirsty. No idle youth. Plenty for all.

So. Unobserved social self-restraints? The Kama Rhythm Method Sutra? Histocompatibility crisis?

Comment from WEI

Maybe theyve already been through the tech teenages. Gilbertos extinction?

Comment from PRINCIPE

Two million years ago was tech infancy. Or pre-partum: The Manka precursors perhaps werent even tool-users.

Comment from WHETON

Off topic but you know what I obstruct “ve been thinking about”?( Cant sleep either .) The building. Four steeples on every important build. Four lobes to every artistic motif. They got six fingers. Three copulations. WTF is with the veneration of four? Whats their math?

Comment from WANG

Base-8. Ache in the ass; had to recalculate all the potential royalties in the two reports. But yeah, another difference on four. Shit, I cant do possibility at oh dark thirty. Sleep, you apes.

CogNet init: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Recip: WU Li Bai

Transl: English-Cantonese

Datime: 2206.12.16.20: 02

Respectful accosts, Dr. Wu. My appoint is Thandiwe Solomon, with the Extrasolar Sapience department of Rhodes University. I was plotted by your position paper in The Journal for the Study of Applied Sapiology . As someone whos been in the field and discovered how easy it to be able to move blunders, I concur wholeheartedly with your recommendation for a minimum 10 -year survey between First Contact and Trade Establishment.

Sir, it is my understanding that you two are Wei Aihuas mentor during her postdoctorate. Have you been received information on her recent operation?

Thread reply from WU Li Bai

Indeed I have, Dr. Solomonand so must you have been, if youre asking me. I suppose your UC permission is still active?

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

It is, sir. Though in the interest of full disclosure, my tier is exclusively Secret.

Thread reply from WU Li Bai

I shall tailor my responses accordingly. What is your wonder?

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

Was Dr. Wei lonely?

Recall transcript, WEI Aihua

Meeting with local Influential 5

Datime 2204.1.26.10: 30

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

[ All sensory recall except auditory quelled to aid lightstreaming .]

And then the old person answered, Why is it always the intellectuals? [ Laughter]

[ Laughter. WEI caption: the evaluators laughter reverberates entirely human now. See accent reduction too .] The narrations of your beings are so amusing.

My grandmother will be pleased to hear that.

Grandmother?

Female parent of my mother. [ sigh] She may be dead by the time I get back. I dont know whether to hope for that or not.

Oh?

Ive been croaked five years old. She has cancera disease, untreatable in her client. That necessitates a slow, agonizing death. My parents are taking care of her, but

Your parties have just been males and females. These take over the nurturer persona?

Well, its not quite as binary as that, but … When necessary, yes.

And no one fulfills the evaluator role? Your poor grandmother.

Well, Im not sure [ delay] Oh my God.

Are you praying?

No, justthat was amaze. Youre another sex . Like male, like female, like the nurturers. The FC team got it completely wrong. Four fornications , not three!

Yes, those humen were very slow be adjusted to Dar-Mankana. You are much more fit and clever.

Evaluator, I must confer with my parties. But ah may I return to speak with you again tomorrow?

That would give me great pleasure, Aihua.

CogNet init: Hector PRINCIPE

Recip: Angela WHETON

Priority: URGENT

Datime: 2204.1.31.04: 00

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

[ Sensory remembrance retained per URGENT protocol. Additional lightstream slowdown +185 dates .]

Angela. [ ping] Angela. Damn it, wake the fuck up! And pass this on to Aihua. Fucking – god, delight pass this on to Aihua.

OK. Clear contemplates. OK. I went back to the burial site. Somethings been bothering me. This time I realise what it was.

Most of the bones are small. Childrens bones.

Theory time. Lets say your species is threatened by an enemy so insidious that all the usual existence proficiencies are unproductive against it. Its an foe that they are able camouflage itself enough to get really close during hunting. Maybe it can clown you even up close. What if simply specializing a full-time protection for the weakest members of your species, a nurturer , gives your parties any hope of survival against an opponent like that? And what if even that doesnt stop it? What if, in the end, you cant beat them, so you join them?

Aihua said the evaluators appearance was changing. Im approximating evaluators replace the male or female in reproductionnot all the time, just enough to continue themselves. Theyre not really male or female, though, because theyre fucking shapeshifters! Real Manka males and females are like us. The nurturers raiseand guardthe offspring until theyre age-old enough to show their real potential. Guess what happens then?

They go to the evaluators. Some “of childrens rights”, the healthiest and the most adaptable, get to live. Only them, though. The restalong with perhaps the old-time, the sickare the toll the Manka pay for their prosperity.

Gilbertos superpredators, Angela. Aihuas been having dinner with one each night for the past week.

PANet init: Paul SRINIVASAN

Recip: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Datime: 2206.12.18.06: 10

Ow. Public access streaming hurts my mentality, literally. Anyway, that sidekick of mine who works for CogNet-Pallenergy? Located out Wei Aihuas personal logs did get lightstreamed. Somebody prescribed them deleted.

Same person also slapped a bunch of restrictions on the TE SurveySat maps that Angela Wheton sent back. I cant get through these limitations, but I would guess they discover the extent and site of those palladium lodges she mentioned. Thats why approving is being fast-trackedUCs going a lot of distres from Large-hearted Fusion.

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Are you kidding me? Did the UC pay attention to anything else in the damned dossier? Do they recognize Wei Aihua likely isnt dead?

Thread reply: Paul SRINIVASAN

Its been three years since the TE ship blew up. Wheres she been all this time, if shes still alive?

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

I dont know, but three years is slew of time for Stockholm syndrome to set in. Especially if her captors become more and more human, and likable, and attractive

Thread reply: Paul SRINIVASAN

No. Theyre a different species , Thandi.

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

The Manka are a different species. The evaluators are whatever the hell they want to be. Human, if they want to be! You have to ask UC Command to quarantine Dar-Mankana.

Thread reply: Paul SRINIVASAN

If there were any survivors of the TE team, that would filament them.

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Yes. Especially in case there is survivors.

UC Trade Establishment Commission

Excerpt, Letter to the leaders of Dar-Mankana

Datime: 2206.12.20.15: 45

[ Lightstream-optimized by UCNet]

The United Communities of Earth also extend their heartfelt gratitude to the people of Dar-Mankana for their care of Dr. Wei in her days as the sole survivor of the TE ship explosion. Despite her eventual extinction in childbirth, your peoples valiant efforts to save her and her newborn are to be commended. An endowed resources of the fund has been established in the name of Dr. Wei, Specialist Principe, and the entire TE team. The child born from their duty shall be welcomed home, desired, and honored as the heir to a heroic legacy.

In peace and hope, we look forward to our reciprocal future of boom.

The Fiction Issue

Tales From an Uncertain Future

Read More

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[topreview2016]

In-Depth Review of Fast Fat Burning Meals Cookbook

Growing up, my parents were obsessive about counting calories.

We had nothing in our kitchen that wasnt Low or No Fat. Blech, I want to throw up in my mouth just thinking about the low fat cookies that, from a distance, had a green box similar to Thin Mints.

I admit, I was a little skeptical when I saw a book about fat burning, because I thought it would be more watery, haphazardly thrown together, bland ingredients that could barely be called food.

I was wrong about this cookbook.

I know, its easy to think that everything that tastes good is horribly fattening. My dad always quotes Jack Lalannes famous one-liner: If it tastes good, spit it out!. But thats just a weird product of our societal conditioning.

Unlike what most of us have been taught to believe, food is not our enemy.

Did you know that a study has shown that people who buy the low fat version are going to eat up to 50% more than someone who buys the regular version of that same thing?

Its pretty crazy when you think about the psychological effects of all those low/no fat labels, isnt it? Not only that, but research shows that diet foods stop our brains fat storage receptors from working properly, so our bodies dont get the signal to quit eating long past when we actually are full.

Your body stores fat to protect itself against chronic stress and inflammation. Stressing about what to eat, which McBurgArbys Fried Bell to order from tonight because you feel too tired to cook causes your stress levels to rise, which causes your body to store even more fat.

This cookbook is your key to breaking out of this vicious circle.

Healthy food doesnt have to taste like sawdust or take hours slaving over the stove. Stop riding the crash diet rollercoaster today and see for yourself.

One of the authors, Yuri, used to live in France, so he knows how delicious their food is. I love the richness of French food. In fact, my mouth is watering just thinking about French sauces and creams

Dont worry, this cookbook isnt going to ask you to prepare a 5 course meal every night.

You dont have to be Julia Child to master these recipes. I only learned how to cook 3 years ago and had no problem following these recipes. I read through the entire cookbook and didnt see any recipes that I would stay away from because they sound like theyd be too complicated.

I love that the authors address the French paradox:

How are the French so thin, even though they use real butter when they cook?

It turns out that its not just one ingredient that determines whether youre thin or not, but the entirety of what you eat and whether those ingredients are processed or not.

We know French people can seem, well, on a different wavelength than Americans. Youll want to pay close attention to the differences weve found between their eating habits and ours.

They prepare their meals from scratch. Im sure the thought of a French person waiting in a bumper-to-bumper drive-through line for some greasy fast food seems as absurd to you as Subways Jared Fogle opening an after-school daycare center.

I know, I dont have time to spend in the kitchen all day, either.

Thankfully, we dont have to. All of the recipes in this cookbook take just 15 minutes to prepare. And I dont know about you, but Ive spent at least 15 minutes waiting in a drive-through line before. Why not spend that time investing in your health instead of clogging its arteries?

Recipes that take only 15 minutes to make and use ingredients from scratch? This must mean its going to taste as exciting as the idea of spending my whole day off at the DMV.

If you, like me, have been burned by the blandness of low and no fat food, dont let the fat burning in the title throw you off. The Moroccan Chicken is delightfully addictive, and you gotta try the Metabolicious Kiwi Smoothie!

What do I get with this cookbook?

In addition to the cookbook, youll enjoy 3 bonuses:

Wheat-Free Wonder Breads: Just because it doesnt have gluten, doesnt mean it isnt delicious. This part consists of mostly baking recipes. Youll want to try their banana bread.

Slimming Smoothies: Amy and Yuri give you great, filling combos of fruits and veggies for delicious smoothies.

30 Fast Fat-Burning Meals: This part is the key to preparing healthy, delicious anti-inflammatory food. Your immune system will be thanking you for making these every night, and your loved ones will be excited about dinner again.

Also, youll receive an adorable Grocery List, a 30 day meal plan, a new cookbook every month, along with a monthly newsletter and access to the members only Facebook group.

I love how on Yuris YouTube channel, he has a video of him going to McDonalds and seeing how long it takes to get his food. Surprisingly, it took even longer than the 15 minutes it would take to prepare one of these recipes.

This cookbook will fit all dietary preferences and restrictions (like Paleo, Raw, Vegan).

That means is it is universal and will be helpful to everyone. No matter your background or food preferences, you cant help but reap the benefits these recipes have to offer you.

Stop obsessing over how many calories youve had today, its only going to stress you out and remember, that is part of why your body stores fat, to protect you from chronic stress. But you are stepping off the Calorie Crazytrain now because you know that this cookbook presents a much better solution.

Of course, dont just take my word for it. I am confident that youll be so happy you did this, and youll never suffer through the Oh no, I ate all of my calories for the day in just one meal! anxiety attack again when you try these recipes.

Try preparing recipes from this cookbook for just 1 week and the results will speak for themselves.

Youve struggled for so long, counting calories, trying to stay on the merry-go-round of crash diets. Why not make it easy for yourself and enjoy the process with the Fast Fat Burning Meals Cookbook?

Imagine what youll be able to accomplish with all that free time you have now, since youre not constantly searching for the next Miracle Diet or spending hours obsessing over calories. Just think about how great itll feel to show off your svelte new figure.

Everywhere you go, people will be complimenting you on how great you look, and how you seem so much more peaceful. Theyll be bugging you constantly to ask how you did it.

Can you picture all the looks of disbelief youll get when you tell them that you did it only 15 minutes a day? Bon apptit indeed!

For Instant Access To Fast Fat Burning Meals Cookbook, Click Here

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[viralhottopics]

The Far-Out Summit Where Geniuses Learn to Build Starships

To get to the spaceship convention I have to go to Chattanooga. To a former train depot once called Terminal Station, a beaux-arts building downtown, which was built in a time when trains were the apex of industrythe smartest, fastest, most high-tech way to move through spaceand when stations were elegant ports of call. It has a soaring dome, and the bathrooms are naturally lit through stained glass.

Terminal Station closed in 1970, not quite a year after Apollo 11 landed on the Moon. The building reopened in 1973, four months after the Apollo program ended, as the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel. The new owners put a neon train on the roof, the concourse beneath the freestanding dome became a lobby, and the baggage room became a dining hall. Passenger cars were moored to the rails and refurbished as luxury suites. The iron horse engine became a thing for guests to climb aboard forselfies. The outbuildings and rail yards sprouteda gift shop, a pizza parlor, a comedy club, an indoor jungle-themed swimming pool, and an outdoor doughnut-shaped swimming pool, among other things.

Chattanooga is not quite the regional transportation hub it was in the latter golden age of rail travel, and in fact these days is kind of a pain in the ass to get to. So after 12hours of planes, delays, and courtesy shuttles, I drop my baggage in my room and go looking for a drink.

Philip Lubin, a UC Santa Barbara physicist, begins his plenary talkRoadmap to Interstellar Flightby announcing that he rarely goes to these kinds of conferences because they are too far on the imaginary axis for me. But Lubin has a plan for launching vehicles from Earth that would reach Alpha Centauri not in 30,000 years but in 20.

Heres what you need: an orbital laser, a small satellite equipped with a square meter of reflective sail, and the sun. Superefficient solar panels power the laser, which can fire the equivalent of about one-eighth the amount of electricity the US consumes each year. That dense stream of photons creates enough pressure against the sail to accelerate the craft to 100 million miles per hourone fifth the speed of light.

Which at first sounds pretty bullshitty. Laser sails? But nobody in this lecture hall full of no-bullshitters snorts. So keep listening: A single photon exerts an infinitesimal amount of force. Cant get much much delta-vee from that. But a lot of photons pushing against a very tiny spacecraft? That will give you a whole hell of a lot of delta-freaking-vee. Which is why Lubin spends a lot of his stage time talking about Moores law, the exponential rate at which computers get simultaneously faster and cheaper over time. His plan requires fully functioning satellitesprocessors, camera, nav, comms, and even a tiny propulsion unit for course adjustmentsweighing less than a gram.

Oh, and a really big laser. Throttling a wafersat up to 100 million miles per hour will take a 100-gigawatt laser array. Or, for the no-bullshit, build-it-with-todays-technologyby strapping together 100 million 1-kilowatt lasers.

The plan has technical hurdles. During the Q&A after the talk, astrophysicist (and third TVIW cofounder) Greg Matloff raises objections about how the Doppler effect will sap photons propulsive force. But for the most part, the plan uses existing or close-enough technology and is therefore very non-bullshit until you start talking price.

A 1-kilowatt laser retails for about $70. Even if you get the bulk discount for buying 100 million of them, you still have to put them in orbit. Current launch rate is about $3,000 a pound. Also, the solar panels that will power the thing are very expensive (and heavy). The whole apparatus could be anywhere from three to 10 square miles across. For comparison, the International Space Station is slightly bigger than a football field.

Lubins talk pisses off a lot of people. Hes up there onstage, basically telling them their ideas for fusion, matter-antimatter, and whatever else are too expensive, too slow, and too imaginary for interstellar travel in this lifetime. Oh, also, dont bother building a worldship or whatever, because the human body is 99 percent wasted mass. Sorry.

Philip Lubin (left) discusses beamed energy propulsion during aworking track following his plenary speech about beamed energy propulsion. Joey O’Loughlin

But then, a little more than a month after the TVIW talk, Russian billionaire Yuri Milner announces that he plans to seed Lubins idea with $100 million. Thats not Apollo money$200 billion in 2016 dollarsbut Milner also scales back some of Lubins ideas. (He grounds the laser, eliminating a lot of the launch costs). Milner tells me he expects the $100 million will buy the project a proof-of-concept. The complete 100-million-mph mission to Alpha Centauri will likely cost between $5 billion (one Large Hadron Collider) and $10 billion (A James Webb Space Telescopeplus two New Horizons).

If you want to send people to space, propulsion is the least of your problems. It’s not as hard as food, water, and not catching space madness.

Again, that is for a mission with no people. The price tag for a crewed mission to the stars is Apollo squared. Maybe even cubed. Who knows. But despite Lubins ambivalence toward crewed interstellar flight and Milners low investment relative to the goal, this proof-of-concept pushes the humans a little bit closer toward being an interstellar species.

And if you are talking about people, propulsion is probably the easiest problem to solve, spacewise. Even if your sub-bullshit interstellar engine runs on nuclear fusion (which no one knows how to build) fueled by helium-3 from Jupiters atmosphere (which no one knows how to harvest), learning how to create such a thing is still not as hard as feeding, hydrating, protecting from radiation, keeping sane, and otherwise keeping healthy multiple generations of human beings. But thats what you have to do if youre using a sub-bullshit engine to go to another star.

Amodel worldship discussed at TVIW would carry about 10,000 people.Michel Lamontagne

The Worldship

Imagine a rod over 9 miles long, maybe a quarter-mile wide. Now put 12 rings around it, each 3miles in diameter, attached to the central rod with spokes. Spin the wheels to simulate gravity. Thats a generation ship, designed to spend hundreds or thousands of years traveling between star systems. A worldship.

Theres a picture of that one taped to awall ina meeting room at the Chattanooga Choo Choos convention center. The room is temporary headquarters for the Worldship Working Track, an effort to add a little bit of variety to TVIWs propulsion-heavy diet. The dozen and a half worldshippers are split into two subgroups, each gathered around their own round banquet tables covered with laptops, spiral notebooks, elbows, and soda cans.

On a large, easeled, tearaway pad in the middle of the room, somebody on the worldship team has drawn a color-coded cross section of the rings. From outside in: a one-meter-thick structural shell; three meters of two-phase water to shield against radiation; varying thicknesses of substrate, rock, and soil; 500-meter air gap; clear ceiling; and about 2 kilometers of vacuum between the ceiling and central hub.

The worldship rings could replicate any Earthly climate by adjustingheat and precipitation.Michel Lamontagne

The climate subgroup of worldshippers ishuddled over a single laptop, working on the rain problem. A French-Canadian engineer named Michel Lamontagne tells me planet Earth has the best plumbing system in the universe. Solar energy heats moisture, moisture rises, cools, condenses, falls, wash, rinse, repeat. Figuring out the thermodynamics of cloud formation is a pain in the ass, but way more reliable in the long run. No pipes to clog, filters to foul, screws to strip, vents to dent, valves to rust. Maintenance is not just a hassle; any mission-critical system with an abundance of moving parts is bound to failcriticallyat some stage of a multigenerational interstellar mission. Plus, rain helps keep the dust down.

Worldship passengers: cockroaches, dogs, Maine coon cats, rats, crickets, and tarantulas. But nothing from Australia. Everything there wants to kill you.

How much energy does moist ground need for evaporation to occur? On Earth, insolation is about 1200 watts per square meter, Lamontagne says.

Actually, 164 watts per square meter is the day/night average for Earths energy, says Geoffrey Landis, a NASA physicist (and science fiction writer).

Wait, Landis says. Actually, the Earths surface is convex, so it doesnt absorb as much heat. The worldships rings will be concave, meaning energy absorption will be a lot higher. So for now, they figure, 240 watts per square meter.

The subgroup around the other table is figuring out life: flora, fauna, and the nutrient cycles that sustain them. This group is more crowded, but quieter. Three are working out the carbon, nitrogen, and phosphorous cycles. Each of the remaining has been assigned a batch of plants and animals by an evolutionary biologist from Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital named Cassidy Cobbs. She is the groups Noah.

Mosquitoes, no; cockroaches, yes. Wolves, no; dogs, yes. Rats, crickets, tarantulas: yes, yes, yes. Except no tarantulas from Australia. In fact, most of Australia is right out, doomed to remain Earthbound with everything else too venomous, fanged, large, or aggressive. The top predator is a Maine Coon cat, Cobbs says. Crops are exactly what you would expect: grains, legumes, tubers, brassicas, lettuces, and nightshades.

I peek over Cobbs shoulder at her master list and freak out a little bit. It includes neither cacao nor coffee plants. Who the hell would want to jump on a spaceship without coffee and chocolate? Later, in the hospitality suite, I corner one of Cobbs team members and ask her: What the hell?

We discussed both crops, Ashleigh Hughes, a high school student, assures me. Both plants could grow along a rings elevated ridges, so long as that ring has a tropical climate.

High school student and TVIW attendee Ashleigh Hughes works out the ecological requirements for various plants and animals in the worldship. Joey O’Loughlin

The table next to the biology group is unpeopled, covered with backpacks, open laptops, and a few books. Includinga copy of Kim Stanley Robinsons novel Aurora. Which I find a little bit surprising, given (no spoilers) Robinsons book about a worldship trip to the Tau Ceti system portrays interstellar missions as dismal and doomed.

Science fiction and space culture enjoy a mutualistic relationship. During presentations, speakers often preface digressions with phases like This next bit would be a cool idea for any science fiction writers in the audience to play with Every physicist, engineer, and enthusiast I spoke to said their career had been, and still is, inspired by books, TV shows, movies, comics about space travel. The physicist Les Johnson, who MCd the talks, is deputy director of NASAs Advanced Concepts Office, principal investigator of a solar-sailed probe set to explore an asteroid in 2018, and, yes, a sci-fi writer. He told me science fiction is part escapism, part aspiration, and part inspiration, bringing broader acceptance to the dream of exploring the stars. Preach.

(I should add that not everybody agrees with this notion of science fiction as an aspirational genre. My editor sees science fiction as primarily a fantastical lens for writers to comment on contemporary society. I posed this alternative hypothesis to science fiction author Jack McDevitt, who counterposited that my editor must have been an English major.)

The Bernal Sphere is a spaceship design with a spherical living area. Population: 10,000. NASA Ames Research Center

It will cost how much?

One night I asked a table full of engineers if they could foresee an inflection point when the relatively flat line of space funding would start arcing into a trajectory that could fund human interstellar flight. This group, which earlier had been holding a graduate-level discussion on the combustive properties of superchilled rocket fuel, basically shrugged. Maybe if there was an impending asteroid strike?

Finally, a retired nuclear engineer sitting across the table uncrossed his arms and growled. Let us make the assumption that we do go into space and build a habitat. If you go back in time from that point and look at a line leading back to the present, we are currently so close to zero that they wont know where to start the graph, he says. $20 billion, $50 billion a year is so far down the graph that its almost in the noise. We have to somehow generate ourselves off the zero point.

No one knows what it’ll take to convince human beings to pay for space.

Robert Kennedy III has thought a lot about this inflection point. He says it will come from a societal change, when a critical mass of people commit themselves to a sustained, multigeneration, self-perpetuating institution committed to the cause. Something like the Catholic Church, or maybe because this is an engineering problem, the Dutch dike builders.

Robert Kennedy III.Joey O’Loughlin

Kennedy III was born in Staten Island and spent his college years in California preparing for the Cold War to become a hot war (he still carries a nuclear effects calculator in his right breast pocket). After stints building robots that work in nuclear reactors, writing computer code, and advising the US House of Representatives on space, he wound up in Oak Ridge, where he consults large renewable energy projectslike an Ethiopian geothermal tap. He also owns a business that publishes media on Russian space technology.

One of Kennedy IIIs coauthored geoengineering ideasa brute-force fix to global warming that involves installing a gigantic shade at the Lagrange point between Earth and the sungot him an invitation to the the International Association of Astronautics Symposium of Realistic Near-Term Advanced Scientific Space Missions. Doesnt matter; point is, it was a conference in the Italian Alps. The crowd loved the presentation and especially applauded the plans practicality. (Practicality among engineers typically refers to the soundness of the underlying engineering, not cost or logistics).

After his talk, Kennedy III was standing on a hotel balcony with Les Johnson and astrophysicist Greg Matloff from the New York City College of Technology. They hit upon this idea of a practical, grounded space community based in the Tennessee Valley, and scheduled the first meeting. They have been meeting every 18 months or so since. The group takes the practicality thing seriously and submits its projects (such as the worldship) to peer-reviewed publications like the Journal of the British Interplanetary Society.

So they do not become a ghetto of insular rocket dweebs, Kennedy III tries to invite younger people, and people from other disciplinesbiologists, chemists, philosophers. Various subcultures who want to get into space, they might do some original thinking on their own, but then what? Whats their next step? Kennedy III says. If you want to actually do something you have to generate a consensus.

One very early morning, or night, or, whatever, it is 2 am in the hospitality suite and Kennedy III is trying to explain the origins of TVIW over the sound of two guys playing space-themed country songs on acoustic guitar (Shes Nothing But Trouble, Shes Just Like Tea-Teb”). Anyway, space culture can be sectarian, or it has been in the past, says Kennedy III. Just about every space group from the 1960s onward has been reaching for the heavens. Their ideologies might have differed. Like, space should be free from the government, so lets cut NASA out of the deal. Or, space should be for whoever can get there first, so lets help out the Soviets. Or, space should be for those who deserve it, so lets build a Randian refuge up in Lagrange Point 5. The groups form and schism, and never really get anywhere. TVIW is trying to stay outside all of that. They just want to go to space.

Two members of the space solar power working track discuss a timetable for launching an interstellar probe.Joey O’Loughlin

No-Go for Liftoff

The evening of the Tennessee Valley Interstellar Workshops opening reception, attendees gather around a projection TV in the corner of a hotel party hall to watch a SpaceX launch livestream.

Customary silence at the one minute mark, then the 10-second countdown, and then the top-down camera angle shows a series of fiery bursts. Before I can begin holding my breath for liftoff, a space enthusiast in the back of the room named Lorraine Glenn pipes up.That doesnt look good. That does not look good. Thats three in a row,” and the room collectively sighs. The chatter comes back up, and even as I am still thinking this launch looks promising, the guy next to me explains that the launch is cancelled, probably because SpaceX couldnt get their oxygen chilled properly. But he cant be sure, so dont quote him on the record.

Except he was right. No-go for liftoff. Problem with the liquid oxygen. Space: still hard.

Les Johnson giving opening remarks at TVIW. Joey O’Loughlin

And the next morning I am up by 7 am and eat a mountain of Southern breakfast and hustle to the big lecture hall for the 8 am opening remarks. Johnsongets up onstage and gives his customary disclaimer. Yes, he is an employee of NASA, but today he is here as a private citizen and space enthusiast who took vacation from his job to attend.

He stands in behind a podium decorated with the Tennessee Valley Interstellar Workshop star-and-rocket swoosh logo and gives a shout out to the Valley Conservancy of Huntsville, Alabama, whose performance of the Tennessee Valley Interstellar Workshop orchestral theme music had been playing just before he took the stage.

Then he thanks the volunteers and points out that even they did not get a free ride to the TVIW, because this is a labor of love. Peoples chairs squeak because they are nodding along or maybe just reaching for their coffee mugs, but either way Johnson is on message. This is a room of people dedicated to a better future for our species and our planet, and he is so proud to be a part of what is contributing to that. It is all a part of the bigger goal: to be, simply, a footnote.

That is all most of these people want, really. Forget even being retconned into the decor like the trains next door. They just want to be in the references, a TVIW journal article buried in the citations of a boring history of a human colony on a distant planet, circling a distant star. Someday.

Multiple two-cylinder colonies aimed toward the sun. Population: over a million. NASA Ames Research Center

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from The Far-Out Summit Where Geniuses Learn to Build Starships

[apsbicepstraining]

The Evaluators: To Trade With Aliens, You Must Accommodate

CogNet init: Paul SRINIVASAN

Recip: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Datime: 2206.12.15.16: 45

[ Optimized by CogNet !]

Thandi, the commission on human rights referendums Tuesday. The teams disappearance isnt the main issue, but I dont like how theyre hasten this. Facilitate me out here, OK? Off the record.

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

So tell me how that billable hours thought works for you lawyers. Because I might, I dont know, actually have a chore of my own.

Thread reply from Paul SRINIVASAN

Please! [ Conceptual embed with caption: man bowing with sides pressed together] What do you want? Dinner? Vacation? Hours of mind-bending sex? Because I would do that for you, Thandi. No relinquish is too great.

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

You already told me you let your Spermicept patch expire. Stand the blaze away from me. What happened to Weis personal logs?

Thread reply from Paul SRINIVASAN

Gremlins? The slowdown is reasonably severe for this missiontwo years. Not enough black hole for a better communicate, or something like that. Ill see if I can find them. So, they snack her, right? They absolutely ate her.

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

No. I dont think they devour her.

Recall transcript, WEI Aihua

Meeting with neighbourhood Influential 1

Datime 2204.1.22.10: 10

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

[ All sensory recall except auditory muffled to aid lightstreaming .]

So what would you like to know, evaluator?

Tell me more of your parties, Adoration China.

If you dont mind, would you call me Aihua, delight?

Oh? Your aide be pointed out that your figures sometimes have meaning.

Yes, but [ laughter] That doesnt mean we like those meanings.

N. K. Jemisin

About

N. K. Jemisins speculative fiction has been nominated for the Hugo, the Nebula, and the World Fantasy Award. The first book in her Broken Earth trilogy, The Fifth Season, won the 2016 Hugo Award for Best Novel . The Stone Sky, the third largest notebook in the serial, comes out this August .

Ah. Please forgive, Aihua. Your expression still confuses.

Im stunned by your facility with my own language, actually.

We become aware of First Contact team.

Yes, but weve had just as much time to learn your language, and well. [ WEI caption: Here I attempt to speak in Manka C. The Manka word for modification translates inadequately. Its implication is more like submission? fitness ?] We am still terrifying/ poor at adaptation.

[ RATCHETING SOUND. WEI CAPTION: MANKA LAUGHTER. THANKFULLY HE RETURNS THE CONVERSATION TO ENGLISH .] It is true, you do not adapt quick as we. But that is expected. You are not evaluators.

Ah, yes. Since you mentioned that, if I may askwhat exactly is your role? Ive asked Hashish, the nurturer whos been evidencing me around, but it was unclear.

I am evaluator.

But what does that intend? What do you assess?

Everything. Parties. World.

For what purpose?

[ SILENCE FOR 2.5 SECONDS] I do not understand, Aihua.

On my world, beings evaluate procedures, achievements. For the purpose of improving them.

Yes. Improvement. Adaptation. Same with us.

I see?

You do not.

Sorry, I

It takes time for beings so different to accommodate. You do well. No is necessary to fear.

Thank you. Ouch!

The shells of [ RECALL BLUR. WEI CAPTION: LOCAL DELICACY, UNPRONOUNCEABLE] are sharp. You are disabled? Shall I summon humans?

No, Im fine, itll stop in a minute. Could you give me something toyes, thank you. Most of your biologicals are innocuous to us, and vice versa. I just hate that Im bleeding on this lovely cloth.

It is unimportant. More?

Yes, delight, its yummy. Youre an good cook.

[ Auditory recall ends. Interpret gustatory reminisce, 2204.1.22.10: 15, for renewal .]

Team Clog of TE Mission, Dar-Mankana

Post by WEI AihuaPublic

Datime 2204.1.20.19: 30

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

My first professor in sapio told me never to Earthropomorphize xenospecies, but the first thing that leapt into my thought when I met them was that the Manka look like upright cheetahs( cheetae ?). Males and females are indistinguishable to my attentions, lean and deep-chested, while nurturers, the third largest fornication, are noticeably more muscular and squarely improved. I pride myself in that my subconscious at least selected a predatory Earth analogue, which should deter me from loosening my protect too much.

Comment from WANG

Its simply cheetahs. And you have three PhDs?

Comment from WEI

None of them are in linguistics, OK? Shut up.

Tomer Hanuka

Team Clog of TE MissionDar-Mankana

Post by WEI AihuaTeamlock

Datime 2204.1.23.11: 50

[ Optimized by Cognet !]

I could KILL Rafkind and the whole First Contact team! What Neanderthal decided to tell the Manka about Christianity? This is exactly why the UC censored Americans from TE teams.

Fortunately, the district potentate seemed more entertained than anything by the idea of one mans demise absolving the incorrects of an entire species. Just one? Cute.

Now Im wondering what else FC screwed up.

FC Report Detail p. 67: Culture Notes

Datime: 2201.4.7.14: 40

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[ Auditory embed with caption: Manka adoration chant? Recallers: Multiple; public action .]

My love sings behind me

And touches the nape of my neck

I do not look around

My heart flappings fast with fear.

FC Report Detail p. 224: Culture Notes

Recall by First Contact Team Member John RAFKIND

Datime: 2201.5.13.9: 24

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[ Auditory embed with caption: Observed class 2 Deceptive ideation .]

Whoa.

Whoa?

Apologies. A colloquialism.

Ah. We must learn more of your world so that we may adapt to these colloquialisms.

That would certainly be possible after Trade Establishment, Hashish.

Why did you express a colloquialism, John?

Uh, well the male Manka walking by with that group of children. For some reason, when he look back me, I got the creeer, I find uneasy.

That was an evaluator.

An evaluator of what?

[ RaTcheting sound. RAFKIND caption: I think that was a laugh ?] Many things, at many times. For now, those children.

Were all six of those the evaluators juveniles?

There were three children, John.

Three? I didnt get a good review, but Im sure I appreciated more.

There were three children.

[ Recall ends .]

Team Clog of TE MissionDar-Mankana

Post by Angela WHETONPublic

Datime 2204.1.24.12: 40

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Did some additional examines of the southeast central continent today. Those palladium sediments Have you guys heard the stock tolls since the CogNet-Pallenergy merger? My God, I might actually get out of student loan debt before I die.

Also noticed an rare concentration of calcium in various accumulations around the city. Hector proceeded with one of the locals to check out a nearby locate and was shown an open-pit tomb. [ VISUAL OVERRIDE EMBED WITH CAPTION: LONG, ORDERLY ROWS OF SEVERAL HUNDRED CLEAN, POLISHED BONES, ORGANIZED BY TYPE .] Each pit is several hundred hoofs deep, bones layered with dirt. Local announced bones the price paid. Ritual? Tag for sapiology review.

OhHector has asked me to note for government officials team log his hypothesis that the burial pits are f__ing creepy-crawly. So noted.

Recall transcript, WEI Aihua

Meeting with local Influential 2

Datime 2204.1.24.13: 10

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[ All sensory recall except auditory smothered to aid lightstreaming .]

Forgive me for staring, evaluator. Its only that you gaze so different.

I have strained greatly to adapt because we last fit. Does my form satisfy you?

I dont certainly know what to become of it. You ogle

More like you.

Yes.

This distres you.

Surprises me, evaluator. On my planet “theres” souls that can change their coloration to blend in with the environment, but [ Visual override embed with WEI caption: The evaluators face. Memo the abbreviate of the muzzle and repositioning of the ears, at slopes of the foreman rather than the top .]

It has been difficult, yes. Your beings are strangely configured. Even more strange, inside.

How do you

Your bloods preference is most amusing. [ Pause] I have no goal of devouring you, Aihua.

[ Laughter] Uh, sorry. On my nature well. Our recreation are a lot of unnerving men that want to gobble us down.

Entertainment? But your parties are apex predators, are you not?

I suppose we are. Huh. Maybe thats why the notion of being preyed upon doesnt actually scare us.

[ Series of harsh exhalations. WEI caption: The evaluator believe that there is imitating human laugh .] Yes , no is necessary to fright! Tell me, Aihua. Why do you not have offsprings?

What?

Why do you

Sorry, I discover. The topic justits not something my people frequently ask in casual conversation.

I shall remember and accommodate. For now, will you refute?

Well, we have a problem with overpopulation and its effects: crowding, homelessness, famine, worse. Were redressing now, but their own problems took a long time to develop, it was therefore will take a long time to resolve.

And in the meantime, your it is necessary to simply lose?

Unfortunately, yes. It helps that weve modelled the Trade Network with other sapient species. That increases the resources available on my planet.

But with greater resources, your digits will continue to grow. Theres nothing to shape you stop.

We have our own sapience, which tells us that such rise is unsustainable. Because of this, only some of my beings choose to replicate. Im one of the ones who chose not to.

I see. But if sustainable growth was possible?

Maybe Id have a child. Perhaps. But it isnt possible, so no minors for me. [ Sigh] Now. Not to change the subject, but Ive accompanied some delicacies from my own world-wide to share

Good. I am most interested in eating some of your worlds revels. And if I may say, Aihua, the gleam of your hair is very fine today.

[ Recall ends .]

US NATIONAL EXOPLANETARY SURVEYMEMORANDUM

Levl: Official

Prio: Medium

Init: Salim GILBERTO, FC Team Biological Surveyor

Datime: 2201.11.13.03: 00

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Esteemed Survey members, colleagues, and sidekicks TAGEND

You will see from my FC report that Dar-Mankana is home to a plethora of speciessubstantially more than our own, which has yet to recover from the arrival of the Anthropocene. But a merely 2 million years ago, Dar-Mankana hosted three times more species than at present.

What could trigger such a destruction? Evidence indicates an interference in several key food webs: a polyphagous piranha which ate its road through tertiary and secondary consumers with such abandon that it likely justification its own extinction. Superpredators may be pop-science clickbait, but Dar-Mankana could represent our closest brush with one of these evolutionary bogeymen. The lingering damage is still perceptible: a relative dearth of megafauna, skewed predator-to-prey rates, insufficient biomass all around for the power that this planet creates.

Further pre-TE study is strongly recommended.

FC Report Excerpt, p. 530: Xenological notes

Datime: 2201.7.7.6: 32

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[ Some data loss has come; recompilation possible in approximately 127 daytimes .]

[ Buffering] compare to Dr. Gilbertos assertions.

The crater is smallless than half the size of Earths Chicxulub crater, which is widely believed to have triggered the extinction of the dinosaurs. While surely large enough to crusade catastrophic neighbourhood shatter, this cannot explain the mass extinction.

Core samples from the ocean floor discover an abundance of palladium and [ Buffering]

Team Clog of TE MissionDar-Mankana

Post by Hector PRINCIPETeamlock

Datime 2204.1.25.06: 30

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Sorry if the committee is blurry. Cant sleep. Theory occasion!

Why arent there more Manka? Theyre ripe for Sagans technological adolescence. Weve seen this on so many planets that its practically a law of nature; there is a requirement to erupting at the seams, same as us. But the Manka are precise the right population size for their societys resources. Nobodys thirsty. No idle youth. Plenty for all.

So. Unobserved social self-restraints? The Kama Rhythm Method Sutra? Histocompatibility crisis?

Comment from WEI

Maybe theyve already been through the tech teenages. Gilbertos extinction?

Comment from PRINCIPE

Two million years ago was tech infancy. Or pre-partum: The Manka precursors perhaps werent even tool-users.

Comment from WHETON

Off topic but you know what I obstruct “ve been thinking about”?( Cant sleep either .) The building. Four steeples on every important build. Four lobes to every artistic motif. They got six fingers. Three copulations. WTF is with the veneration of four? Whats their math?

Comment from WANG

Base-8. Ache in the ass; had to recalculate all the potential royalties in the two reports. But yeah, another difference on four. Shit, I cant do possibility at oh dark thirty. Sleep, you apes.

CogNet init: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Recip: WU Li Bai

Transl: English-Cantonese

Datime: 2206.12.16.20: 02

Respectful accosts, Dr. Wu. My appoint is Thandiwe Solomon, with the Extrasolar Sapience department of Rhodes University. I was plotted by your position paper in The Journal for the Study of Applied Sapiology . As someone whos been in the field and discovered how easy it to be able to move blunders, I concur wholeheartedly with your recommendation for a minimum 10 -year survey between First Contact and Trade Establishment.

Sir, it is my understanding that you two are Wei Aihuas mentor during her postdoctorate. Have you been received information on her recent operation?

Thread reply from WU Li Bai

Indeed I have, Dr. Solomonand so must you have been, if youre asking me. I suppose your UC permission is still active?

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

It is, sir. Though in the interest of full disclosure, my tier is exclusively Secret.

Thread reply from WU Li Bai

I shall tailor my responses accordingly. What is your wonder?

Thread reply from Thandiwe SOLOMON

Was Dr. Wei lonely?

Recall transcript, WEI Aihua

Meeting with local Influential 5

Datime 2204.1.26.10: 30

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[ All sensory recall except auditory quelled to aid lightstreaming .]

And then the old person answered, Why is it always the intellectuals? [ Laughter]

[ Laughter. WEI caption: the evaluators laughter reverberates entirely human now. See accent reduction too .] The narrations of your beings are so amusing.

My grandmother will be pleased to hear that.

Grandmother?

Female parent of my mother. [ sigh] She may be dead by the time I get back. I dont know whether to hope for that or not.

Oh?

Ive been croaked five years old. She has cancera disease, untreatable in her client. That necessitates a slow, agonizing death. My parents are taking care of her, but

Your parties have just been males and females. These take over the nurturer persona?

Well, its not quite as binary as that, but … When necessary, yes.

And no one fulfills the evaluator role? Your poor grandmother.

Well, Im not sure [ delay] Oh my God.

Are you praying?

No, justthat was amaze. Youre another sex . Like male, like female, like the nurturers. The FC team got it completely wrong. Four fornications , not three!

Yes, those humen were very slow be adjusted to Dar-Mankana. You are much more fit and clever.

Evaluator, I must confer with my parties. But ah may I return to speak with you again tomorrow?

That would give me great pleasure, Aihua.

CogNet init: Hector PRINCIPE

Recip: Angela WHETON

Priority: URGENT

Datime: 2204.1.31.04: 00

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[ Sensory remembrance retained per URGENT protocol. Additional lightstream slowdown +185 dates .]

Angela. [ ping] Angela. Damn it, wake the fuck up! And pass this on to Aihua. Fucking – god, delight pass this on to Aihua.

OK. Clear contemplates. OK. I went back to the burial site. Somethings been bothering me. This time I realise what it was.

Most of the bones are small. Childrens bones.

Theory time. Lets say your species is threatened by an enemy so insidious that all the usual existence proficiencies are unproductive against it. Its an foe that they are able camouflage itself enough to get really close during hunting. Maybe it can clown you even up close. What if simply specializing a full-time protection for the weakest members of your species, a nurturer , gives your parties any hope of survival against an opponent like that? And what if even that doesnt stop it? What if, in the end, you cant beat them, so you join them?

Aihua said the evaluators appearance was changing. Im approximating evaluators replace the male or female in reproductionnot all the time, just enough to continue themselves. Theyre not really male or female, though, because theyre fucking shapeshifters! Real Manka males and females are like us. The nurturers raiseand guardthe offspring until theyre age-old enough to show their real potential. Guess what happens then?

They go to the evaluators. Some “of childrens rights”, the healthiest and the most adaptable, get to live. Only them, though. The restalong with perhaps the old-time, the sickare the toll the Manka pay for their prosperity.

Gilbertos superpredators, Angela. Aihuas been having dinner with one each night for the past week.

PANet init: Paul SRINIVASAN

Recip: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Datime: 2206.12.18.06: 10

Ow. Public access streaming hurts my mentality, literally. Anyway, that sidekick of mine who works for CogNet-Pallenergy? Located out Wei Aihuas personal logs did get lightstreamed. Somebody prescribed them deleted.

Same person also slapped a bunch of restrictions on the TE SurveySat maps that Angela Wheton sent back. I cant get through these limitations, but I would guess they discover the extent and site of those palladium lodges she mentioned. Thats why approving is being fast-trackedUCs going a lot of distres from Large-hearted Fusion.

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Are you kidding me? Did the UC pay attention to anything else in the damned dossier? Do they recognize Wei Aihua likely isnt dead?

Thread reply: Paul SRINIVASAN

Its been three years since the TE ship blew up. Wheres she been all this time, if shes still alive?

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

I dont know, but three years is slew of time for Stockholm syndrome to set in. Especially if her captors become more and more human, and likable, and attractive

Thread reply: Paul SRINIVASAN

No. Theyre a different species , Thandi.

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

The Manka are a different species. The evaluators are whatever the hell they want to be. Human, if they want to be! You have to ask UC Command to quarantine Dar-Mankana.

Thread reply: Paul SRINIVASAN

If there were any survivors of the TE team, that would filament them.

Thread reply: Thandiwe SOLOMON

Yes. Especially in case there is survivors.

UC Trade Establishment Commission

Excerpt, Letter to the leaders of Dar-Mankana

Datime: 2206.12.20.15: 45

[ Lightstream-optimized by UCNet]

The United Communities of Earth also extend their heartfelt gratitude to the people of Dar-Mankana for their care of Dr. Wei in her days as the sole survivor of the TE ship explosion. Despite her eventual extinction in childbirth, your peoples valiant efforts to save her and her newborn are to be commended. An endowed resources of the fund has been established in the name of Dr. Wei, Specialist Principe, and the entire TE team. The child born from their duty shall be welcomed home, desired, and honored as the heir to a heroic legacy.

In peace and hope, we look forward to our reciprocal future of boom.

The Fiction Issue

Tales From an Uncertain Future

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