#would love another Puss film like this though

[the-light-of-animation]

Oh WOW Puss in Boots: The Last Wish was freaking awesome!

I’m so happy this film eventually got made, I’m curious how different it is to when it was originally set to be made all those years ago. Either way it turned out absolutely incredible, really really loved it. I had only seen an image from it but it looked like the animation was a lot simpler than the previous Shrek films, kind of reminding me of The Croods: A New Age (but that turned out gorgeous regardless of the different, less detail focused? style that DWA did so well). And this was film was the same, holy fucking shit the style this film had was amazing, the creativeness and everything was so well designed. It was really different to anything I expected and worked so well with a Puss in Boots story.

Speaking of the story, great freaking story. I was really surprised it was a sequel to the Shrek films and not another prequel, I suppose the one downside to the new animation style is that Puss looked so much younger and at the beginning I thought it was actually a prequel to the first Puss film. But yeah the whole nine lives story and a bunch of characters trying to get the wish was really great, really fun. The humor of this film was so good too. And Puss’ fear of death was done in a really chilling way

And I always loved the Shrek series and their use of Fairy Tales and this film did it in plenty! They truly just went fucking ham on the Fairy Tale stuff hahah. It was so fun to see all of it.

Loved Perrito as well, Harvey Guillén was so good. Was surprised by a lot of the characters and voice actors to be honest. John Mulaney was instantly recognizable and great to hear. Oh and the Cricket was fantastic, so freaking funny! Goldilocks and her family were a really fun and heartfelt part of the story too. And I LOVED those two Serpent Sisters they gave me such unbelievable Tuff & Ruff vibes that it almost felt like it was them hahah. And I love them so much so it was perfect. But it’s funny I thought I recognized Death’s voice but then no I didn’t know the actor. He was amazing though.

But yeah I guess they are making a Shrek 5 as the ending set it up like only a Marvel post-credits scene could hahah. As much as I loved the animation and style this film had, I kind of hope Shrek 5 looks more like the previous films. I just feel like this style would be too out of place for a Shrek story, can’t picture Shrek like that. But anyway they went to Far Far Away though so that must mean Artie’s returning, which has actually got me a bit excited for Shrek 5 even though it does not need to be made at all. But screw it I love these characters and want to see them again.

Anyway, like I’ve said before I was so worried DreamWorks Animation was gonna turn into Illumination 2.0 but it is the complete fucking opposite and it’s been amazing (besides the film we do not speak of). I am so excited for anything and everything they have coming up.

[imthepunchlord]

Heya! What's your opnion about kung Fu Panda? Personally, I liked more the effects and drawings then the ACTUAL history, I mean, it's STUNNING.

I love Kung Fu Panda.

Talk about a "don't judge a book by it's cover movie" as no one was expecting much from it, but it was incredibly deep, actually funny, and had amazing martial arts action that took full advantage of it being animated films. And the KFP series is visually stunning. The writing is solid, the jokes typically land and are funny, and they do have good words of wisdom to offer and share. It's a very encouraging and uplifting series.

Another thing to love is that KFP is up there with AtLA where occasionally, I come across thesis post of someone realizing something about these movies to talk about, and it's always fascinating to read and it's cool to realize these facts. Like, someone realized that the 3 movies of KFP cover arcs tied to body, mind, and spirit.

This is also a solid trilogy that does have a believable path for Po in each film, from becoming the Dragon Warrior, to finding his inner peace, and learning to become a teacher. Not many trilogies can do well having a solid path for their leads to warrant 3 films, but Dreamworks did a good job with these films.

@xiranjayzhao did a youtube video talking about KFP to talk about Chinese culture in the film as well as the philosophical inspiration; until she talked about it, I didn't realize the Confucianism vs Daoism that was in the film between Shifu and Oogway.

I really recommend giving it a watch.

I was surprised to learn that there will be a KFP 4, but I am optimistic for it. For the most part, Dreamworks is really good at sequels, that arguably their sequels will be superior to the previous film. Like, Puss in Boots The Last Wish was superior to the first Puss in Boots film.

KFP 2 I think is the best of the KFP movies (but that is me). I think they had the best villain, with Lord Shen being visually stunning and actually a little funny and intimidating. Loved Po's arc for his inner peace, and man, this film always makes me cry.

So KFP 4 I will be expecting to be a solid film. I don't know what else they can do or what would be next but I'm intrigued to see what they'll do. Though I am still waiting and hoping to see Megamind 2 and Rise of the Guardians 2. Please Dreamworks. I want to see more of them too. Please.

Either way, love love love KFP. If no one has watched them yet they are missing out. And thanks to this ask I'm going to have to go and rewatch the movies soon as it's been a while and they are so good.

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Shrek Forever After

Alas, we've reached the end of our Shrek Saga (at least for now, but my Dreamworks watch will be over way before Shrek 5 comes out so shhh). So, how do we cap off Dreamworks' most successful and well-known franchise? Well...

Bored with how mundane his life has become, Shrek strikes a deal with the shifty Rumpelstiltskin to have a day where he can go back to the old ogre lifestyle he used to have before he met Fiona, in exchange for a single day of his life, which just so happens to be the day he was born. So Shrek emerges in a timeline where he never existed, where he and Donkey never met, where he never saved Fiona from the tower, and where Rumpelstiltskin rules Far Far Away. Now Shrek has to find a way to undo the deal before he disappears forever. Sound like a complicated plot with way too much going on in it? Well, that's because it is.

So yeah there's like... a thousand plot threads happening here, from Shrek realizing he gave up the good life he had, to him trying to get Fiona to fall in love with him again, to Fiona leading a resistance of other ogres against Rumpel, to Rumpel trying to apprehend Shrek so he can stay in power, and that's not even mentioning side characters like Donkey and Puss who get sidelined in this movie so bad it's not even funny. There's just... way too much happening here and none of it feels like it has the focus that it should. As a result, almost everything feels rushed as its packed into this movie's runtime, and the emotions the plot clearly wants you to feel... just aren't really there.

Something else that isn't really there is the humor. This movie definitely skews toward a younger audience than the previous three, with much more silly puns and grossout humor than whitty quips and clever references. I'd be willing to forgive that if the characters were enjoyable here, but... they just aren't?

This is Shrek at his worst; I think his biggest problem is he's a lot dumber here than he ever has been before, guilliable enough to fall for the obvious bad deal Rumpel sets him up with, too oblivious to read the room when it comes to his interactions with this timeline's Fiona, just... nowhere near as sharply clever as we're used to him being. The same can be said about the other returning characters too, though I will say Fiona is actually pretty cool here. Like I said, she leads a resistance, and we get to see the badass qualities we saw of her in the first movie really come back around here in full force. As for the new characters, I liked the ogres in Fiona's resistance, but like everything else, they get nowhere near enough focus and we don't really get to know them as much as I would have liked to.

Then, we have our villain, Rumpelstilskin who is... ok. He's very over the top, very silly and unhinged, power hungry and egotistical. And yet, say it with me again kids, I feel like we don't get enough time to focus on him! That's really the biggest problem with this movie as a whole. It's way too ambitious to the point that it seems fundamentally confused about what it wants to be. It has major structural and pacing problems that bring the entire package down a lot. I wanted to like this movie, but idk, I just... couldn't, really. And that's a bummer.

Something I will praise this movie for though, is it's animation. While this is far from the best Shrek film, this is by far the best looking Shrek. They've really mastered these character designs and textures, as well as how this world is supposed to look and feel. The music is also pretty good, with some fun choices for pop songs and some really nice pieces in the score.

So yeah, Shrek Forever After is... certainly a movie that Dreamworks made. I think I said this about another movie awhile back, can't remember which one, but this film really is trying to be a jack of all trades (humor, emotions, character development, etc) and proves to be a master of none. We hate to see our Lord and Savior Shrek go out on such a mid note, but eh, I guess that's just the way it goes sometimes.

Overall Rating: 5/10

Verdict: Do the roar

Previous Review (How To Train Your Dragon)

Next Review (Megamind)

[kestalsblog]

Puss in Boots Thoughts

I enjoyed Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. Some thoughts below, though I never saw the other Puss in Boots movies. (Contains lots of spoilers).

-It made so much since for Perrito's character type to be a dog. One of the best things about dogs is how they live in the moment. They're always so joyous when they're around their loved ones, so making him a scruffy little dog was the best choice.

-Death was a great character, alarmingly chilling for a "kid's movie." The whistling was a good touch too, and my favorite line of his was about how he's not speaking metaphorically, poetically, etc. Death doesn't always need to be a metaphor. It's scary enough as is, and his presence was felt throughout the whole film.

-I wondered how Kitty knew Puss didn't show up to the wedding if she didn't either. Was that answered in another movie, or was she lying to save face and make him feel better? Did she just hear he hadn't shown up? I wasn't sure, but I overall liked their dynamic. It felt surprisingly mature and developed.

-Perrito's backstory (and the way it was told) really surprised me. This honestly felt like the darkest part of the movie to me. Death is universal, but what happened to Perrito isn't. I felt that on some level he knew the truth of what had happened to him - hence his insistence on being a therapy dog, "it's okay to be sad," etc., but that didn't stop him from loving the family/owners that tried to kill him. That relationship is probably one of the most complicated in the movie.

-Goldi's story felt the most predictable to me, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it and feeling a little teary over the rescue of Baby Bear even though I knew where it was headed. I liked her design too.

-Overall, I think the plot line of the whole movie was pretty predictable, but hey, it's Puss in Boots. One thing that surprised me was I thought Puss and Kitty would agree to give the wish to Perrito at the end, the "one who deserved it most" kind of thing. But that never came up, and Perrito was content without the wish till the end.

-Another aspect that surprised me was Horner staying despicable to the end, and his story seemed to be "some people can't be redeemed." I like this concept for a kid's movie. As heart-warming as the thought that all people have good inside and can "see the light" to be "morally saved" is, I've never been sure how realistic that is. Some people are megalomaniacs, just genuinely bad people. It doesn't mean they're the incarnations of evil, but it does often mean they're going to use the wish for themselves no matter what.

[agentnico]

Kung Fu Panda 4 (2024) review

Jack Black’s new version of “Hit Me Baby One More Time” is great. In all honestly all of Tenacious D’s covers are superb. Their take on “I Think I Love You” for Croods 2 slaps as hard as Will Smith’s palm against Chris Rock’s face. Apologies, I just watched the new Bad Boys trailer so that momentary awards moment has sprung back into my mind.

Plot: After Po is tapped to become the Spiritual Leader of the Valley of Peace, he needs to find and train a new Dragon Warrior, while a wicked sorceress plans to re-summon all the master villains whom Po has vanquished to the spirit realm.

For some reason I presumed Kung Fu Panda 3 was the ending to the trilogy and the story was over. Then again Hollywood wants to keep making more money and this animated franchise has been highly successful for DreamWorks till now, so of course it was only a matter of time. To give them props though, DreamWorks has been on a bit of a hot streak recently with The Bad Guys - a visually-pleasing heist flick; Croods 2 - hilarious riot; this year’s Orion and the Dark - a fun concept with a mind-bending ending; and of course Puss in Boots: The Last Wish which is an animated masterpiece. There, I said it. The Puss in Boots sequel is fantastic and I won’t hear otherwise! As such even though the trailers weren’t showing too much promise, I went into Kung Fu Panda 4 optimistically, hoping it’s not just a needless cash-grab.

Right, yep, it’s a cash-grab through and through. You can tell the writers were really trying to milk some kind of an idea for a plot, and all they could come up with is Po needing to find a new Dragon Warrior in his place. Not the most original concept as is, and one that in the end feels really rushed, and his choice for his replacement is one that feels unsatisfying. The main villain also is really weak. A chameleon voiced by Viola Davis, and though visually the shape-shifting gimmick works really well, narratively this character has hardly anything to do, let alone be in any way intimidating. I recall in one of the previous films the villain was Lord Shen, who was introduced as someone who has killed Dragon Warriors before. What’s the scariest thing this chameleon now does, you may ask? She lightly pushes someone down the stairs. That’s it.

Another rushed aspect of the movie is that many voice actors from the previous films are needlessly ditched either with a lame excuse for their absence, or not giving them any lines and the characters appearing in silence. Like a big selling point in the marketing is that we get to see all the villains from the previous entries come back. A fun idea, however aside from Ian McShane as Tai Lung the other villains only appear as if they’re in a silent movie. Are you telling me that DreamWorks really couldn’t afford to get Gary Oldman to record a couple of lines on his phone and send them over? It’s like if Spider-Man: No Way Home had all the old Spidey villains from previous films come back, but they just stand about silently doing nothing. How crap would that have been? So yes, this really cheapens the movie.

Visually the film looks great. It’s mad to see how the animation has progressed as this series of movies has gone further. Particular attention has been given to the background environments that look gorgeous! Great use of colours and detail. A chase sequence through a city of thieves is a particular eye-popping set piece, that even gives Hans Zimmer the small opportunity to have some fun with the music score during it.

As for the voice cast - Jack Black is a charisma machine! He’s an icon and of course Po is just Jack Black being himself, but he has so much energy in his line delivery that he carries this movie fully on his shoulders. Awkwafina is also in this movie. Look, the reason I’m pointing that out is that if one looks at her filmography since 2019 she’s voiced characters in Little Mermaid, Migration, Kung Fu Panda 4, Bad Guys, SpongeBob: The Movie, Raya and the Last Dragon, The Dark Crystal Netflix series, Angry Birds Movie 2…. That’s so much!! What does she have on these animation studios that they keep hiring her? She’s not the only female voice actor out there. And I’m sorry, she’s not even that great of a voice actress, and I wasn’t a fan of her here either. Dustin Hoffman kind of just lingers about questioning his life, Bryan Cranston and James Hong have some amusing co-dads banter, Ian McShane being back as Tai Lung was lovely, and Ke Huy Quan is the usual ball of excitable energy that he always is.

Unlike Puss in Boots where the wait for the sequel was more than worth it, Kung Fu Panda 4 feels as if the franchise may have run its course and the writers have simply ran out of ideas. There’s a “been there done that” aura surrounding this whole movie, and again it’s not terrible, but more so just passable. There’s nothing new here, simply retreading old territory. I’m sure if you take your kids with you to see it though they’ll probably have a good time. Probably. That “Hit Me Baby One More Time” cover though - hell yeah!

Overall score: 5/10

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff: Nimona

or How to Not Worry & Channel Your Inner Limp Bizkit

In the year before 2020, it was announced that Blue Sky Studios was adapting ND Stevenson's hit graphic novel. Everything changed though when Disney was on that bullshit post-Fox buyout, where to our surprise Blue Sky and Nimona would be shut down. The latter's cancellation hit especially hard understanding it was almost finished anyways, but that's Disney for you. Long as you don't say gay and give 'em your money, they'll stay out of the way. Leave it to Netflix to let the film rebound from Super Hell and finally make it to both the big and small screen; makes you forget they're garbage at anything else. All in all, Blue Sky had the last laugh one more time but was Nimona able to bring the flavorful fireworks or did we get a weak flare that fumbled before the 4th of July?

Well, I will declare now that the film... is fun. If it wasn't fun, that means Disney made it and would remake it live-action around 2040. This film is a ride-or-die by its titular protagonist and lads, I can't lie...

PROTECT. THIS. GODDAMN. SMILE.

Nimona is both a bundle of chaotic joy and an entity that deserved far better. She's like the manifestation of Limp Bizkit, 2000s punk, and B-tier shitposting rolled into an unapologetic but deeply frustrated rebel. I've seen naysayers before release going, "She's another attitude girl archetype" and like no. She has that raw gremlin bastard energy, but she's never an annoying bitch and that's big difference. The best thing is that you're with Ballister in getting to know her; it surprisingly hard for folk to be accepting of somebody harmless who's more comfortable with themselves than anyone lets on. She's not a character I felt forced to sympathize with nor was intrusive on Ballister's story. She's not exactly the focus, but she earned being the star of this movie.

I got major Haruhi and Kyon vibes from their dynamic and it's great

Plotwise, there's a good flow to it all that makes this rewatchable thrill. If there's one major gripe I have is that while Nimona and Ballister have a great dynamic, there's a part in the 2nd act involving them and the villain that was a bit rushed. I will admit to not have read the book, but while I do know the tone is different given they were probably going for an all age rating, I say things didn't feel too compromised. My mind is blown enough that we got an animated kids movie with two, COUNT 'EM TWO, openly queer protagonists. No winks and nudges towards Ballister being gay, no scatterbrained subtlety on Nimona's genderfluid existence, and thank balls their story exists as more than being a preachy memoir. These two get to just BE and live to go on a crime spree justice adventure. That is what I've wanted for longer than any of you think and this delivered. Any criticisms I could have I felt was diluted by the actual fun this was.

And if you've seen Iron Giant, you probably will love this movie

To conclude, I am wondering of a timeline where this wasn't originally cancelled and Blue Sky didn't get axed. This was as much their movie as it is Annapurna and DNEG who helped finish it. People said it looked "unfinished" but then again, given the situation I can cut it some slack because it still plays out gorgeously. Like you know Blue Sky got most of it done, but you think about the changes in direction and ponder if this was the best outcome for the film. It is poetic though, a phoenix forced to burn out but gets to revive as a stronger, if not more so, being that people finally get to see. For Nate, this is undoubtedly a dream come true. As for me, not since Puss in Boots The Last Wish have I been delighted to call this a...

9/10 ABSOLUTE BANGER

[kookies2000]

Seen a few one stared reviews for Puss in Boots The Last Wish. Just what I thought they would be. Complaints that the film isn't for kids and why does it need to be so violent and dark? Welp! Here's why it was so much darker.

The youngest kid that could remember the first film has to be 6 years old. It's been 11 years since the first film meaning the youngest that has seen the first film is now 17. Almost done with high school. The children are grown up and the film grew up with them. So of course there's gonna be a little blood and murder in the film, with a heavy lesson about death. That lesson was put there for the older audience that grew up with the first film. And it was still kid-friendly with the B plot of Goldielocks trying to find a family while the bears take care of her like their daughter and sister. Along with Perrito also trying to have friends and a family like her. And I love it when films do that. Frozen did the same thing. We were kids when we saw the first one and now we're teens when the second one came out. Frozen 2 wasn't very dark but it was definitely darker than the first. I like that Olaf was a kid that was trying to understand what was going on around him while Anna and Elsa discover their bad history. How their kingdom basically tried to kill off an entire village. I still like Frozen 1 better though because Frozen 2 wasn't really all that great. Good movie but not great for the fact that Elsa was the 5th spirit just because she was ice. Like, no. If anything you're just another form of the water spirit. They should have specified that love was the 5th spirit and given it to Anna because she resembles love more than Elsa.

Ok, off track! I just really like it when films have a large gap between their sequels and they mature with the audience while still being aimed at kids.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Shrek: Forever After (2010)

After Shrek the Third, I suspect many didn't even bother with Shrek Forever After but this final instalment in the series ties up the franchise in a pleasant, satisfying way. It’s not on the level of the first two. What it does well, however, does make it worth seeing.

Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers) has grown weary of his present situation. The monotony of home life with Fiona (Cameron Diaz) and the three ogre children make him pine for the days when he was a “real ogre”. When Shrek meets Rumpelstiltskin (Walt Dohrn), the imp tricks him into signing a contract that alters the past. In the new present, Shrek never rescued Fiona and Rumpel rules the kingdom of Far Far Away.

This story isn’t all that original. It’s yet another take on It’s a Wonderful Life. It still works. The previous film introduced many ideas that would’ve hampered any conventional sequel. The number of magical creatures to keep track of ballooned with the introduction of the three ogre children - essentially non-characters -, Shrek regressed emotionally by going back to his swamp and no one wanted more of Arthur or Merlin (neither of which are even mentioned in Shrek 4). Putting Shrek in a situation where he’s all alone is a good move. He and the audience get back some of that magic from the first movie when Smash Mouth’s All Star played and the green-skinned terror was doing whatever he wanted. Then, we remember the growth we’ve experienced since that first adventure and want it back.

A big part of this film's success comes from Rumpelstiltskin. The character is hilarious. Walt Dorn's voice tells you everything you need to know about him instantly, and his mannerisms make him a great, memorable - and original - foe. Every time he’s on-screen, he steals the show. He’s a great addition to the series, much more than the numerous ogres introduced - part of a resistance against Rumpelstilskin's dominion. They feel like a cheat because they come out of nowhere. It isn’t as though previous movies dealt with other ogres besides Shrek. How would him not being born make them spontaneously appear?

The previous chapter made it clear the well of jokes at the expense of Grimm’s Fairy Tales and nursery rhymes had dried up. Well, almost. This film shows us two stories we haven't seen before: Rumpelstiltskin and the Pied Piper. Those aren't enough to carry an entire 93-minute running time, which is why the bulk of the jokes offered come from the franchise itself. We see an alternate version of Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) who, from lack of adventuring - has become fat and domesticated. Shrek meets Donkey (Eddie Murphy) for the first time again but now, Shrek is the clingy one. The ogre must get Fiona to fall in love with him, which causes us and the character to remember how well the love plot was executed in Shrek. At this point, it feels right to use nostalgia as a tool and our expectations being turned on their heads make for clever gags.

Shrek Forever After doesn’t quite have the same magic as the first two movies. The story isn’t as inspired, the musical choices don’t hit the mark the way they used to. By focusing on nostalgia and the love story, it makes up for these flaws. Although this is a more serious story than we’ve seen before, the laughs come consistently. It’s a fitting conclusion the fans will be pleased with. (October 4, 2019)

[profblahson]

On that Puss in Boots brainrot, so here’s a list nobody asked for that I can’t get out of my brain

Classical Music I think characters would appreciate for one reason or another, usually because of the story or impetus behind its writing or meaning, in an increasingly longer title

Disclosure: these are just my thoughts. Feel free to comment, reblog, add, discuss! I’m just some dude on the Internet talking about fictional characters, have fun with it!

Under a cut cuz it’s long and there’s a lot of video links

My goal was to explore the music a bit more, get into the reasoning behind its existence, and how that story might play into why I think these characters would appreciate to it. (Sometimes, though, it’s a bit more simple than that)

Gotta start with our favorite, fearless Hero

Puss

“Heroic” Polonaise in Ab, Frederic Chopin

You’ve probably heard this one before, as it’s one of Chopin’s most popular works. Some research, however, I found that Chopin apparently didn’t like attaching descriptive titles to his work - “Heroic” was added by the modern listeners and music historians. The piece was written during the revolutions of 1842, and Chopin’s love at the time, Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin de Francueil - known by her pen name George Sand - wrote that the piece had the energy and passion needed for the French Revolution. It seems their correspondence was a part of why it gained the name “Heroic” later in life.

While initially I chose this piece because “haha heroic for the hero,” I found I had a “wait a minute” moment reading about how the name was added later on. If having a title and being perceived a certain way doesn’t describe this cat (at least, for most of the film), then I watched the movie wrong. But the energy and vigor with which it clearly gets performed with, the emotional weight it can carry for so many people, during a time of political upheaval…I think Puss would resonate with that, being a Robin Hood himself.

Death

I have to talk about my boyfriend my boyfriend next, of course, being the reason for Puss’ journey in the first place.

Piano Trio No 2 in e, Dmitri Shostakovich

(This is likely the most difficult piece to listen to and talk about, tonally and emotionally. It’s incredibly dark. I’ve linked the fourth movement, because it beautifully synthesizes all the themes and ideas from the previous three, but if you have the time and spoons to spare I highly recommend listening to the entire composition start to finish.)

I’ve actually mentioned this piece specifically in this context on my blog before, but now I can elaborate a bit more. Shostakovich was heavily scrutinized by Stalin’s regime, and his works and performances were subject to the whims of the government for most of his life and beyond. He often had to write as carefully as he could so as to appear to be aligned with those in power, but often would write using themes and motifs counter to what the government would have liked.

The Piano Trio No 2 in e was part dedicated to Shostakovich’s friend and mentor, Ivan Sollertinsky - who passed away during the writing of the piece -, and part dedicated to the Jewish prisoners of war during WWII. Apparently, Shostakovich heard they were made to dig their own graves, and then dance on them. The fourth movement I linked makes the most clear use of a Yiddish-sounding theme in the violin, and the tormented nature of the composition is undeniable. As a character who clearly values life, I feel Death would appreciate the dedications and thought behind the piece, but also enjoy how beautifully macabre it sounds.

Kitty

Kitty was difficult for me, to be honest. Trying to find something that captures her arc is tricky, as I don’t personally know of much music that discusses trust, both in general, and the way she experiences it. But I do think she has a lot of pride in herself as a strong individual, and has pride in her work, which is why I went with

Danzon No 2, Arturo Marquez

The Danzon is a partner dance that developed from the Habanera, and is an active musical form in Mexico today. Marquez’s Danzon No 2 takes this to the next level, in a high energy and blistering work that will leave you humming it for hours. This piece is important as a modern work, as its popularity brought about not only greater respect for Mexican composers, but caused people (read: Western classical musicians) to explore and perform more Hispanic literature, especially Marquez’s. This is also the only piece on this list by a living composer, premiered in 1994.

Being of Hispanic descent, I felt Kitty would find pride in her nation’s music and dances becoming popular across the world due to the popularity of this piece. We also know this cat likes to dance, and it’s incredibly difficult to resist when listening to it.

Perrito

Nimrod, from Enigma Variations, Edward Elgar

The Enigma Variations are small vignettes written for Elgar’s friends. The most recognizable and known of the Variations, Nimrod is an absolutely gorgeous piece of music. The title “Nimrod” is a play on words - the friend in question’s name was Jaeger; Jaeger means “Hunter” in German; Nimrod was a biblical hunter of fame.

Jaeger was not only a friend, but Elgar’s publisher. He would offer advice and helped Elgar rework sections of music here and there. Jaeger’s presence as a confidant is shown in the slow moving lines, reflecting on years of support. If Perrito doesn’t embody dedicated friendship, support, and love in this way, then again - I must have watched the movie wrong. He learns to sit and listen through his time with Puss and Kitty, and this movement almost forces you to take a moment and really sit, listen, and appreciate what you’re hearing.

Goldi

Symphony No 1 in c, Johannes Brahms

I literally cannot think of a better “just right” story in music history than this piece. Brahms was known for destroying his manuscripts of works and sketches he didn’t approve of - he famously ached and pained over writing his first symphony, despite having already solidified himself as a successful composer. He was afraid of the looming shadow of Beethoven, who he had already been compared to by audiences and critics. Some records say it took 14 - others upwards of 21 - years for him to finish this first symphony, and even still he trialed it before publishing.

It seems things ended “just right” for this piece, after all. It was received positively, and spurred him on to compose his second symphony in about a year after the first. Music historians have pointed to this as a shift in the romantic symphonic style. While comparisons to Beethoven were still made (Brahms apparently being frustrated by this - not because of them, but because he felt it was obvious), Brahms had carved his own path of symphonic writing.

Okay I’m done here that’s as far as I got

If you made it down to here, congratulations! This idea came about because, uh, I thought it’d be fun! It gave me a chance to research a bit, and it was fun to try and think of music these characters that I can’t stop rotating in my head would appreciate.

Music is so universal, you could probably find a reason in any piece to give it to anyone, but that’s also what makes it so great. I am by no means an authority, and if you read all this way, feel free to let me know what you think!

Thanks for your time.

[smeemyselfandi]

Every movie of 2022 I’ve seen till  3/31/2023 ranked best to worst

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once- A Masterpiece. So creative and interesting. It had me glued to the screen.

2. Guillermo Del Toro's Pinnocchio- Pinnocchio been told many times before but this somehow brought a great retelling of it.

3. Tar- In my opinion has the best performance of the year.

4. The Northman- This is my favorite Robert Eggers film so far.

5. The Banshees of Inisherin- Really liked it but felt like something was missing and I don't know what.

6. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish- Wasn't a masterpiece as people say but still a lot of fun.

7. Bones and All- Surprised this made the list so high but it was probably the best "horror" film of the year.

8. The Batman- Best Portrayal of Batman but a bit too long and slow.

9. Babylon- Best scene of the year probably.

10. Avatar: The Way of Water- I enjoyed it way more than I thought but it still had problems.

11. Scream- 2nd best Scream. But still not close to the original but A for effort.

12. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever- The lead was the problem but mostly everything else was fine.

13. The Whale- Acting performance is great but a bit cheesey for me.

14. Turning Red- Fun family film. Nothing special

15. White Noise- It's weird but I really liked some of it and some not so much.

16. Hustle- A basic sports story but doesn't make it bad.

17. Thor: Love and Thunder- I'm surprised I liked this more than most people but I thought it was funny and fun.

18. Jackass Forever- Not as good as the others but is expected cause of their age.

19. Glass Onion- A bit stupid but I think that's the point? Still a lot of fun scenes.

20. Prey- I wanted to love this but was a bit bored.

21. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness- I was so hyped for this and so disappointed. Still not bad though.

22. Men- Freaky movie. A bit too freaky for me.

23. The Son- Suprised by the bad reviews. I thought this was fine.

24. The Bob's Burgers Movie- Just felt like another episode instead of a big epic movie.

25. Lightyear- Basic as basic can be and they ruin a character.

26. Wendell and Wild- Wanted to love this but the characters were too bland.

27. Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers- Funny at the start but gets old after a while.

28. Clerks 3- Tried to be too emotional instead of funny.

29. The Greatest Beer Run Ever- It's fine but I barely remember it.

30. Woooooooo! Becoming Ric Flair- If you seen any Flair doc then this is pretty much what you've seen.

31. Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons- Robin was better than I thought but another forgettable DC animated film.

32. Barbarian- Comedy horror or serious horror. Pick one cause this didn't work for me.

33. X- Basic horror. Nothing new or special.

34. Nope- So dissappointing. Hated most of the characters and felt the thing in the sky was dissappointing.

35. Fresh- Going in blind as possible might help but the stupid poster spoils it.

36. Black Adam- So many characters wasted to feed The Rock ego.

37. Sonic the Hedgehog 2- Better than the first I guess but still a crappy adaptation.

38. Morbius- I didn't hate this as much as others but it was still pretty crappy.

39. Teen Titans Go! & DC Super Hero Girls: Mayhem in the Multiverse- The Super Hero Girls are boring and not enough Multiverse.

40. Smile- Thought it would be a fun horror but I felt it was trying too hard to have a message then to have fun with the silly plot.

41. Texas Chainsaw Massacre- Just stop. You're almost ruining the first which was great.

[roseprincessarts]

Shrek Meets Shrek... From The Past

Modern Shrek: *encounters his early version of himself, who is happy to meet him* Huh? Who the heck are you? And why do you look like me?

Early Shrek: Well, I'm you! I just came from the past. :D!!!

Modern Shrek: Oh? Well, I'm you! Well, from today right now.

Early Shrek: Ahh! Scary! You are more ugly and scary than I could ever have as my twin-like ogre!

Modern Shrek: Oh? Well... you're even MORE the scariest and ugliest ogre I ever have as a twin-like as well :).

Early Shrek: Ahh! Now we are both scary and ugly ogres we'll ever be!

Modern Shrek: *smiles* Yeah! :D!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh boy... I CANNOT draw ogres 😣

Anyways, I came up with this idea if the Shrek from the modern Shrek films encountered an early Shrek from the early animation test in 1996 and they have in common of being ugly and scary. This would take place before the events of the Shrek films, before Shrek rescued princess Fiona and became a family to her and his kids ^^. This idea would've became cute and hilarious xD !!!

It's been like years since watching Shrek ^^. I was real young since watching Shrek. I watched like three films, shorts, and bits of the Halloween specials and the Christmas special ^^. I watched bits of Forever Ever and Puss in Boots, I just need to watch the whole thing ^^. I heard they are releasing the new Puss in Boots coming out this year (or next year ? idk). Things I just love about the film, all the fairy tale creatures :3 I knew something about Grimms Fairy Tales, I never posted the colored artworks for awhile on DA. The descriptions were short :p. I think I saw the rumors of Shrek 5, but I might or might not doubt the fifth Shrek film will be developed, idk:/. I also love how the themes of medieval period with fairy tales are crossovered with modern time period, like Far Far Away being Hollywood and all shops were parodied to like Burger King, and Starbucks (of course because they made a parody of my favorite coffee shop ^w^) and all other stuff ^^ and also along with modern and today's music :D. I did watch the musical broadway version of the movie on Netflix and I saw a biiiiiiiiiiiig difference between the 2001 film and the musical that the story are the same but different development to it. The songs are beautiful and wonderful 💞 People seemed to LOVE Pinocchio in the musical ^^.

Hehe, don't worry, Pinocchio. Everyone loves you <3.

Another DreamWorks film I did see at school is How to Train Your Dragon. I never got to watch the whole thing >_<. One song I discovered from the second film is For the Dancing and the Dreaming. I listened to the cover on YouTube first before the film version ^^. The cover was by Erutan a.k.a katethegreat19 . OMG, the song got stuck in my head for a while ☺️. I need to watch those films along with the third.

Also, wanna know a fact about Shrek for those who didn't know?: In 1996 during the start of the development of Shrek, DreamWorks had a lost tape footage of an early animation test what Shrek originally look like. The test was known as I Feel Good.

I'll put a link of the video for y'all to show you what I mean : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3SypsJPjnBc

It was before they redid Shrek in 2000 I think (?). I know they released the film in 2001 (I wasn't born that year, and wasn't born a year before Shrek 2 was released in 2004. I was born a year after the second film was released), they probably redeveloped the year before it's release :/. I rethink of the older Shrek, he looked like a goblin-like ogre, other than the modern version of Shrek in the film. I found it really awkward and interesting how Shrek originally looked like. Imagine having an early version of Shrek in the actual film and other films with Fiona and other stuff, people would've been thinking "Why does Shrek look like that?" either in a hilarious way or been weirded out xD!!!

Also another fact!: Chris Harley (though I don't know him) was initially hired for the role of Shrek, but passed away in 1996 (97 or 8(?)). The thing I thought was weird was Nicolas Cage was gonna be the role of Shrek but he didn't want to look like an ogre. I thought while reading about it I was like "...It be weird for Nicolas Cage to voice Shrek.". So Mike Myers voiced Shrek with the Scottish accent, which I like about it ^^. I saw some technical goods of the film and it was funny seeing how the technical bloopers turned out for animation xD!!! Absolutely LOVE Eddie Murphy and Cameron Diaz <D!!! Though I wouldn't think she would do the first voice acting for animation, though Shrek is the only thing for her ^^.

There is a book published in 1990 known as Shrek!, and I read a few two pages of the book online, but didn't finish, but I knew it was gonna be different than the film.

I might do more DreamWorks artworks as well, even with crossovers ^^. What y'all think? :)

Oh wow, this is the LONG description, sorry xD!!!

Shrek ©William Steig, Andrew Adamson and DreamWorks Animation

Artwork ©SuperShadowSilver

[retvenkos]

noooo Olive I'm so sad the princess bride did not live up to your expectations! I definitely agree it is a movie that is deeply engrained in its temporal and cultural setting, and appreciating when you weren't raised on it can be somewhat tricky. I have the fondest memories associated with it because watching that movie was a bonding moment with my mom and I - it's one of her favorite movies of all time and to my own, purely blissful enjoyment of the movie I must add the tender reminiscence of my mom watching it with me. also, I must admit the princess bride has all the corny tropes and plot points I love, though I only half-heartedly admit it? the passionate romance, the swordfights, the quest for vengeance, the vaguely medieval setting with pretty dresses and tiaras I would imagine myself wearing as a kid, the swashbuckling, masked hero who must triumph over all foes to finally be reunited with his one true love! I just... love the kitschiness of it all. peak camp energy, as Lindsay put it! another thing Lindsay mentioned that really contributes to my love for that movie is Iñigo Montoya's character - he made such a strong impression on him and I couldn't exactly tell you why, but his presence is so heartwarming and fun, his character arc so engaging, that you can't not root for him to avenge his father, and in trying to be a breather from the anguished love story at the forefront Iñigo's story became a subplot that, in the minds of many, almost eclipsed the main one. "hello, my name is Iñigo Montoya. you killed my father, prepare to die" is such a metal quote, I could not stop saying it over and over when I was 8 because wow? imagine introducing yourself like that? the power move that that is?? the sheer BDE that that is??? and, but this is totally personal, but Iñigo Montoya was actually the first Spanish character I ever saw in a Hollywood movie (and to this day remains... like the only one I can quote off the top of my head apart from puss in boots ✌️) so I was really thrilled americans knew who we were, and that we were capable of being cool. if you're still not convinced by all of this, then I can totally understand, but I'm afraid you leave me no other choice but to fly over to the US and hold a Princess Bride sleepover!

puss in boots?????? asdfghjkjhgfdsdghjkjhgfdfghjkjhgfdfghjhg, clara nOOOOOOOO

no, but all jokes aside, i totally get what you mean about how dear it is to you because of your fond memories of watching it with your mom. there are so many books and stories that my mom read to me every night before going to bed, and the amount of love i have for those stories - even if others don't get it - cannot be quantified. even stories that are like,,,,, objectively slow or with some questionable moments are still so important to me, because of the memories i associate them with. and i also totally get what you mean about representation! i cannot tell you how many times i have watched and rewatched and cried over lilo and stitch, because of the hawaiian representation. it's just like,,,,,, yes, there! that's what all of my great-aunts and uncles, and grandma and great-grandma look like! that's how they talk! ("what we went hit?" still garners laughter from my mom and i because the accuracy is real,,,) i know so much of that movie by heart, and it was such a big part of my childhood that my older brother's nickname for me is still 'lilo' 😭.

and okay! yes! the charm, wit, and bde of iñigo montoya was nOT lost on me. he was by far my favorite character in the film (followed closely by The One True Himbo™ wesley) and i agree that his scenes were the highlight of the film. and as for the quotes, i agree that the quotability of the show has to be one of its strengths, but i think one of the bad parts of that is that i knew all of the quotable lines just from,,,,,,, existing this long on the internet, lol,,,,,, and i feel that because of that, some of the Quotes™ didn't have the same effect as they might have had, had i not known of their existence, y'know? like, i can still enjoy them as the Quote and as the Meme, but the original intent is parodied in a way that lessens the original impact. you feel me?

like, iñigo's iconic line, the whole "as you wish" recurrence, the "inconceivable" bit and whatnot - it all would have hit it's mark better, had i not already known their weight and had their meaning bastardized by memes.

and i feel like had i viewed the princess bride as a younger me - who had fewer forays into the fantasy genre and hadn't known about its existence - with someone who really loved the film, it would have been a game changer for me, too. but alas!

i appreciate the film and support it because it had such an impact on my mutuals and friends, and i know that if you were to fly out and watch it with me, i would love it for you. perhaps that will have to be enough.

[versatilewindow]

Lego Sets

Find it on Ao3

Warnings: None, just fluff

Summary: A chill evening with your boyfriend, SunaRin

A/N: Earlier this week i was like, I dont wanna do my chem homework, ill project my sappy feelings and wants onto my man, SunaRin. And thanks to my friend for suggesting including legos.

The evening sun creeped in through the sheer curtains drowning Rintaro in a warm glow on the couch, a forgotten Netflix show playing faintly in the background. You walked in the front door and set down your shopping bags with a light yawn and stretch. The quiet of your shared home was a godsend after all the bright lights and sounds around the city, the smell of home instantly relaxing you. 

Hearing the sound of the TV, you walked towards it, noticing Rin asleep, curled up in your guys’ favorite blanket. You crawled over him, careful to not disturb him (not that it mattered, he usually slept like a rock), and tentatively sat down on him. He moved and your breath hitched, but he stayed asleep, damp hair splayed over his face. You always told him to dry his hair before sleeping, not wanting him to catch a cold, and he always argued he wouldn’t get sick, simply because he was ‘built different’. Giggling at the memory, you moved the hair away from his eyes with a feathery gentle touch. You’ve always loved his pretty face, gentle features, pinchable cheeks, and smooth clear skin (courtesy of your skincare routine that he adopted when you two moved in together). Taking advantage of the lighting and his serene sleeping expression, you quickly got out your phone and snapped a picture, even though you were lucky enough to see his face everyday, you wanted to admire his features without being teased by him for looking like a simp. Not that he was one to talk, he spoiled you, checking your online shopping search history to find you a surprise gift, bringing your favorite meal without being prompted, massaging your shoulders after a long day, pampering you in any way possible. He never really spoke too often about his feelings, but his actions were loud enough for you. You leaned down, the ghost of a kiss over his nose and forehead, but before you could lean away to leave him alone, strong arms wrapped around your waist, trapping you with no chance of escape. His head buried itself into your neck leaving a soft kiss before mumbling something about joining him in sleeping.

“Well, good evening to you too SunaRin.” He lightly chuckled at your nickname for him, remembering your explanation the first time he heard it years ago, ‘it just rolls off the tongue SunaRin!’, and nuzzled closer to you, breathing in your scent. “Are you hungry? Because I forgot to stop for food on my way home.”

He lifted his head enough for you to hear, “Not really, but I will be soon. What do you want?”

Mumbling an ‘I don’t know’, it was your turn to cuddle closer to him, warm breath over his neck making his heart speed up ever so slightly (it used to speed up a lot whenever you were near, but constant exposure helped his heart relax).

He sat up, taking you with him, asking “Dumplings?” already knowing you would say yes to that. “Go shower, I’ll call the place.” 

“Are you telling me i’m stinky?” 

A light snort filled the space between you two, him rolling his eyes, and you with a mischievous grin “You know what I mean, now go shower.” 

An hour later the two of you were back on the couch, in your comfiest clothes, with a spread of your favorite dumplings and other sides on the coffee table. Finishing to chew your food, you said “Thank you for the food honey.” and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

He kissed the crown of your head, “I’ll buy you dumplings any time you want.”  A beat passes, “What were you out buying earlier?”

“It's my cousin’s birthday next week, we’re going to the party remember?” His eyes narrowed but let out a hum in affirmation as he remembered you mentioning it a while ago, “She really likes Lego sets, so I got her one Aunty said she’s been wanting, wanna see?” You had already gotten up from the couch, so he was going to see it whether he wanted too or not. Going to the bags left in the entryway, you pulled out the Lego Star Wars box and Rintaro’s face lit up.

“Wait is that the new one? That like, just came out?” His eyes widened.

“Yeah, the store had a lot of them.”

You handed him the box for a closer look, “Babe, can we PLEASE build it.”

As amusing as his cute expression was, you placed a hand back on the box, “Taro, it’s not for you, its for my-”

“I know, but you said the store had a lot, I’ll even go with you tomorrow to get another.” He looked like he was ready to get on his knees and really beg. You narrowed your eyes, and crossed your arms. He would never beg about anything, not even his beloved chuupet.

“Keep going.”

An exasperated look took over his face for a split second, but he took a deep breath, got on his knees, and did his best Puss in Boots impression, tilting his eyebrows up, eyes widening, and a cute pout on his lips, “Pleeease? I’ll give you a massage anytime you want?”

“You already do that.”

“I’ll clean the bathroom for two weeks? Please?” 

He would never willingly clean the bathroom, so you savored the moment before responding with a sigh, “Make it four and you pay for the new one, then you have a deal.” He cheered in celebration, getting up giving you a tight hug and messy kiss on the cheek before diving into the box. You chuckled and cleared the table before joining him in building the set.

The set was finished a few hours later, the two of you admired your work slumped on the couch together. You lay your head on his shoulder, lightly yawning while he wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on yours.

“Thanks for letting me steal your cousin’s present.”

“Well when you beg and offer to clean the bathroom, how can I say no?”

He grumbled softly, but pressed a kiss to your head. “Wanna go to bed and do… stuff?” you could practically hear his eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

“If by stuff you mean cuddling, then yes.”

“Of course I meant cuddling, who do you think I am, some kind of heathen?”

“With the way your dirty clothes always miss the laundry basket? Yeah.”

He got up, pulling you with him and mumbled, “Really comin for my neck with that one huh?” you could only giggle lightly in response. When you two had gotten into bed, he lay on his back, with you cuddled against his chest, breaths moving in time together. Thinking you were asleep, Rintaro pulled you closer to him, saying I love you. Grinning when he heard you respond with an I love you too. 

Extra:

The two of you were shocked in the store the next day, they were sold out of that set when there had been plenty the day before, and they wouldn’t get a new shipment till after the birthday party.

Not that you told Rin, but you definitely filmed him on his knees apologising to the 10 year old birthday girl at her party for stealing her present.

A/N: Hope y'all liked it!!! leave a kudos or comment if you liked it!!! if you didnt like it, u can tell me in a comment or ask, im a big girl

[smartguyreviewed]

2x1 - Primary Brothers

Original air date: September 10, 1997

Season 2, what it do? Yes, the first season only had 7 whole episodes and now we are back. I hope everyone enjoyed heartwearming TJ in the last ep, because we’re getting a full push back into manipulative TJ. And what better setting for this little villain than politics?

It all starts with TJ, home from school and hoppin’ mad, slamming shit down and just letting his little lips pucker all the way out. The source of his ire is the broke ass science club at school. They have no money for anything cool. TJ, hon, you go to a predominately black public school that has no money for AP classes, so what did you expect? Go make some dry ice or something.

Floyd asks why Piedmont isn’t paying for its more intellectual extracurriculars and Yvette says the funds are allocated by the student council. It’s the reason why the Penguins got new gear even though their team is shitty. I get that Floyd is just trying to do his best here, but he’s completely out of touch by saying TJ should run for president. Yvette has to quickly shut that down by reminding TJ that it’s nothing but a popularity contest that a 10 year old has a chance in hell of winning. I personally remember when I foolishly ran for president in grade school. Quickly learned that nothing beats being tall, a guy and promising everyone Pokemon cards if they voted for you. This world is unfair, I tell you!

Even Floyd has to admit that Yvette is right, but TJ notoriously doesn’t take n for an answer and never accepts defeat. He decides to run anyway, with astoundingly bad results. These posters certainly don’t help. 

Yvette checks in on TJ after Mo chides him for not having food. He tells Yvette that he’s failing and she reminds him of the missing height and age that would make running easier. We know where this is going. In true political form, TJ decides to make someone his puppet. Enter Marcus, who isn’t interested at first, but the moment a cute girl shows up and strokes his ego just a teensy bit, he decides to run. TJ is so annoyed that he breaks the fourth wall.

Now we’re on the campaign trail and first up are the “science dorks” as Marcus so eloquently puts it. When they roll up on the clique, one of them actually flinches. I’m just confused because Marcus doesn’t seem to have a bullying bone in his body but apparently he pantsed this kid. Weird. After mispronouncing the name of a comet, Marcus gets clowned a bit, but reassures them that their issues will be heard.

Next up is the jock table and Marcus easily wins this one by promising them a peek at the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue after school. Ah, the days when you actually had to turn pages to get your fap on. 

Last but not least are the ladies. Now, if Marcus wanted to gain points in my book, he’d pressure the administration to get the girls free pads and tampons because they shouldn’t even have to buy them to begin with. Or he’d make sure to protect them from unwanted sexual attention on campus. But it’s okay because apparently, they don’t want those things either! All they want is a better sound system for dances. TJ is mad that Marcus is following his dick when the plan was to raise money for his science club.

Marcus however, has grown to like this and wants to continue to run alone. Good for you, Marcus! Don’t let that little pipsqueak boss you around. 

Yvette always seems to be around whenever she needs to point out the obvious to TJ, so here she is, reminding TJ that Marcus is popular and has a real chance at winning. TJ realizes he needs to nab someone else with that popular proximity. Enter Mo. Because TJ can’t just do one thing at a time, he figures he can both win this election and break up his brother’s only real friendship in one go. 

TJ is able to convince Mo that he’s in Marcus’s shadow because Mo is a lowly bass player and Marcus sings lead. But...it’s Marcus’s band! And what’s wrong with being a bass player? This doesn’t even make any sense for Mo to entertain because as we saw before, he clearly doesn’t even care what happens to the band as long as the puss keeps flowing. It’s really annoying to watch him blindly believe anything TJ says, especially when he’s not even really “friends” with TJ. Part of me would even think TJ is still mad about him getting kicked out of the band even though he deserved it. Wow, one bird and three stones, the third being possibly ruining Mackadocious.

Marcus comes around, being uncharacteristically mean to Mo and belittiling him for the plot’s sake. Mo naturally takes offense and now he has ammo to run against Marcus. TJ is a petty--yet brilliant-- little asshole.

At home, Marcus lets Floyd in on what’s been up and how he dropped TJ from his campaign that he didn’t even wanna run for in the first place. Daddy Flody is sad because for a moment because TJ and Marcus were actually getting along. Once he knows that Mo has replaced Marcus, he’s confused, The only one who wanted the damn science club fixings in the first place was TJ. I don’t get why he’s confused though. Doesn’t he remember what his son is capable of? He should totally know that TJ orchestrated all of this, but TJ just shrugs, pretending he doesn’t know why Mo of people is now his running mate. Do better, Flody.

Since this episode is about mudslinging and typical political treachery, Mo as TJ’s stand in is making fun of Marcus to the originally intended demographic. Yvette comes up to TJ and asks if he and his puppet are ready for the debate, and TJ deadass says Mo isn’t a puppet, “he’s a real boy.” Yvette just stopped by to say they’re filming the debate and she’s hosting. 

In the midst of all this sneaky fighting and smear campaigns, Marcus actually comes to Mo and tries to apologize for being a dick earlier. Aww, Marcus. Too bad TJ is about to shit all over this because he’s watching and once Mo hears this olive branch, TJ is able to convince Mo that Marcus is trying to bait-and-switch Mo to shake him up for the debate. Marcus insists that it is genuine but TJ wins Mo over by just telling him things to repeat. At this point, Marcus is over trying to be nice and says autonomy is the shit. Mo says fuck autonomy and leaves with TJ to prepare for the debate.

I love how Yvette leans into this husky, reporter voice for the television. She even put on her best two piece lilac suit. She introduces the candidates and is baffled when she realizes that Mo has had his extracurriculars beefed up. When Yvette asks when Mo was in all those clubs, TJ says since earlier that day and that he can prove it. I’m sure that he committed a crime here with these fake documents, but it’s pretty on brand for him to do, so whatever. The view count for the debate goes down when Yvette starts going off into how long each candidate has to talk about issues and honestly, I probably would have left, too. This is a high school student council election, for crying out loud. Her audience went from this:

To this:

Mo and Marcus get into a fight over the stupidest thing: who calls heads or tails. After they start elbowing each other, a physical fight breaks out. Again, TJ tries to break it up, even though he just, you know, only is the reason they’re fighting right now. Intervening gets TJ some new eye makeup. But TJ hasn’t learned shit because at home, nursing his black eye, he is still trying to manipulate the two into being friends again. 

Floyd has to remind TJ that hey, you can’t just play with people like that, even if you have good intentions. It finally sinks in that TJ could have very possibly ruined a friendship and broken up a band in one go. Floyd tells him to fess up to the boys and prepare for another ass whooping. Luckily, Mo and Marcus are guys and guys tend to resolve conflict--with each other--fairly fast. Mo comes over and gives something back to Marcus and just as he’s leaving, Marcus invites him back in to watch television. They chat and Mo reciprocates the olive branch with a pound. I really love these two together! They have so much chemistry that I honestly would be heartbroken if I learned that they stop talking after Smart Guy. Anyways, I ship it, Marcus x Mo forever. 

Stuff I noticed:

- Yvette is her middle name. Her first name is Tasha!

- Welp, guess the white guy is still president.

- Pretty sure this may not have been intentional, but I love that there is a black girl at the science dorks table. We love our black girl nerds!

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 4: Let’s Ms. Behave

Sources:

Charlotte Corday

The British Museum

Brooklyn Museum

Find A Grave

History Channel

UCL Art Museum

Encyclopedia Womannica (Podcast)

The Blonding of Charlotte Corday

Giulia Tofana

Wut. (Podcast)

History Collection

Historical Post

Medium

Mike Dash

Virginia Hill

The Mob Museum

Encyclopedia of Chicago

Alabama

Further reading/watching: The Damned Don’t Cry (1950 film), Bugsy's Baby: The Secret Life of Mob Queen Virginia Hill (eye roll from Alana), Virginia Hill (1974 film)

Click below for a full transcript of the episode!

Lexi: A brief warning about the following episode of Lady History: this episode contains sensitive topics, such as suicide and murder. If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. To learn more, visit suicidepreventionhotline.org 

Alana: I think my therapist is listening to our podcast.

Haley: Wait what really?

Alana: Yeah. Because I was looking at like our dem– like our listenership and it said a bunch of people in Arlington and I don't know that many people in Arlington. I know like my mom's... my parents’ like family friend from… my dad like went to high school with them and then they introduced my parents and we call her my Arlington mom and so I was like oh maybe it's her but that's too many people to just be her and I think my therapist lives in Arlington and I told her about this so shout out Dr. Sterman.

Haley: I would love–

Alana: If you’re listening.

Haley: –Your next session she's like ‘by the way I don't listen to your podcast’ even though... and just like out herself from… not super listening but also listening we just had… 

Alana: I might bring it up. I'm seeing her on Tuesday, virtually obviously, but I’m seeing  her on Tuesday.

Haley: ‘Just wondering, do you listen to my podcast?’

Alana: Well I'm going to talk about how like ‘oh I started my podcast and it's doing this this and this for my mental health’ and then be like… just see if she says she’s listening.

Haley: I feel like she wouldn’t though. I feel like she wouldn’t just to…

Alana: I don’t know if she would.

Lexi: Does that cross the like professional boundary?

Haley: Yeah…

Alana: Is that a HIPAA violation?

Lexi: Is it though? It’s only a podcast

Haley: Well none of us are in the medical field.

Lexi: No. We are not.

Alana: Let us know.

Haley: So we can’t have a definitive answer. But I can see someone–

Lexi: Hey if you're in the medical field or are a certified therapist please email us at ladyhistorypod@gmail.com and let us know if listening to your patient’s podcast violates HIPAA.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Thank you. You can also email other stuff there. Don't, don't– you don't have to be a doctor to email us.

Alana: No. I also I have a– because you can do asks on Tumblr, and I have our ask page for the Tumblr– Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com– I have… you can suggest a lady.

Lexi: Please, suggest ladies.

Haley: I would love that.

Lexi: Please suggest ladies to us at Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com.

Alana: You can also DM us, and as previously mentioned if you DM the Instagram that's Lexi and if you DM the Twitter that's me and they're both at LadyHistoryPod. We're gonna plug that again at the end so it's just a constant cycle.

Haley: No one can slide into my DMs. I'll just use one of… if you want to slide into my DMs, use like, the Twitter and just be like this is for Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and they’ll know it’s for me.

Lexi: Okay if you DM or email any of the accounts, if you need the message to go to Haley, please use that name only. Any messages directed to Haley will not be given to her.

Alana: We’ll be like ‘who’s Haley?’

Lexi: So go back–

Haley: I don’t even know what I said. I forgot.

Lexi: No, so go back–

Alana: Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and I will never forget it.

Lexi: Just go back, listen to that however many times you need to to get it in your brain, and then use that when you address Haley in any of your communication to our general inbox.

Alana: Hang on, my light went away because I have to go change Haley’s contact info in my phone.

(Lexi and Alana laughing)

Haley: I really hate if like I am interviewed for a job and they’re like… ‘so…  Twinklebear McPuss-n-Boots… 

(Lexi laughing)

Alana: It was Sprinklebear

Lexi: You didn’t even get it right. She can’t even–

Alana: Sprinkle… Sprinklebear… 

(Lexi laughing)

Haley: I used to have a crush on Puss-n-Boots when Shrek first came out.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History, the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I’m the next best thing to being in the same room as Lexi. Lexi, what's the name of your favorite plant? 

Lexi: My favorite plant is probably a pothos. Just really cute, a cute plant, a good plant, grows well, grows well in my climate, has not failed me, has not died, so that is why I love the pothos.

Alana: And also in the virtual studio is Haley. Haley, how’s the weather?

Haley: It's quite gloomy. I am in San Francisco so we're still dealing with the wildfires. But I think it's just Karl the fog today.

Alana: Karl the fog?

Haley: Yeah the San Francisco like fog that just like looms over this bay area is called Karl. He even has a Twitter, a whole kids’ picture book. Karl the fog.

Alana: That's giving me An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green vibes.

Haley: And also, oh, the SF MOMA… the new building of it is Karl the fog. It doesn't– it looks kind of like a… like an old time steam iron, like on an ironing board. But it's like meant to be Karl the fog. Or like blend in. Karl just mushes his way through San Francisco.

Alana: Oh my god that's incredible.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: And I'm Alana and I theme my canvas tote bags based on event.

Lexi Nice. Solid.

Alana: Thank you.

Haley: So can I tickle your tastebuds with a fun fact?

Lexi: Oh… oh, tickle away.

Alana (whispering): Tickle your tastebuds… 

Speaker 1: This is either going to be like the best thing I've ever created because like– let me just give you a side note: I thought of this joke while taking shower and was cracking up for ten minutes.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: It's either– it's probably gonna flop. But, with this fun fact– it’s kind of setting the mood for our crime theme and it's about the guillotine and the family of the guillotine, Dr. Joseph– I think his name’s like Ignace? It looks like Ignatio, but it’s like Ignace Guillotin– was so horrified that like their family member invented such like a horrible thing, and if you don't know what the guillotine is, it is basically a big sharp knife that comes down from a pulley, will slice your head off, used in many executions– that they appeal to the French government to change the name and the French government just took it to a step higher and was like no we won't change the name but we will make it one of like the official ways of executing people. more s– to the point that the last execution was like in the 1970s. And this is like across Europe and at least for France it was in 1977. So this is where it gets to my cringy joke because I've used this before. If you want a sick burn while your parents are talking about their childhood and they grew up in like the 60s, 70s, you can just go ‘Pft, the land and time of the guillotine. Such heathens.’ And I like this more than the… the burn that goes like ‘when the dinosaurs roamed’ because dinos just like didn't live when humans lived and it always made me so mad where it’s like I learned that the dinosaurs were born millions of years ago but we have this like iconic just… execution machine that was used for so so long and no one realizes that this was just used until the 70s as a humane way of execution, which like I won't even get into that whole argument. There's so much of a rabbit hole of whether the like guillotine was humane or not. But it's just– it's almost funnier because like it did happen this was an ironic like ‘oh you’re so old you’re like a dinosaur’ this is like ‘you were born when the guillotine was used!’

Alana: Because that's like a burn but it's also true.

Lexi: Yeah. That's the worst kind of burn, I– I mean the best kind of burn because it hurts the worst.

Haley: I once said it to my dad because he was like talking about something when he was like younger and I was like the guillotine just looked at me and was like ‘excuse me?’ I was like ‘you lived during the time of the guillotine, heathen.’ And he was like ‘well…”

Alana: It's true!

Haley: Because he was like ‘no that's like the Middle Ages’ and I was like ‘let me school you on some facts. And that actually is a great segue into my first gal.

Alana: Alright, let's go Haley.

Haley: Uh, so my gal, like Artemisia, we have another one with her own movie. It's an unfortunate movie because I couldn't find it anywhere, but who am I talking about… Charlotte Corday. And other names include… side note, I don’t speak French, I speak Spanish. Please don’t come after me, with my horrible horrible French pronunciations, I had my boyfriend, who speaks some French, pronounce them to me… probably didn't remember anything that he said to me. Her other names are Corday d’Armont, Marie-Anne Charlotte, and now her like more modern name is Charlotte Corday the Assassin. So I love Charlotte as a topic, because other podcasts, like crime, history, women's studies, have covered her to an extent. Like I– you'll see in the show notes I like I've even used her– thanks, Encyclopedia Womannica. But on the other hand, not many people know about her. And they don't even know like her influence with the French Revolution because I've been in like many discussions about like history of crime or what like– the world history that we had to take, and I asked like about her and my even like my history teachers like ‘I don't know who that is’ and everyone just gave me that blank face and it's like wait a minute, this is weird, why isn't this covered. So of course, I'm going to cover it. And let's crack this case wide open before we do a deep dive and go over just like some historical background and some of the people be talking about because I don't want you guys to be lost in this whole mumbo jumbo. So Charlotte was a Girondin sympathizer– again, my French is not good– she came from a family of impoverished aristocrats from a little town outside of Paris, France. And as a noble family she was given the opportunity to go to a formal education, but really this formal education came because her mother and one of her sisters died. And her father was just so grief-stricken and also just couldn't handle the now need to raise two daughters, so he sent them to a Roman Catholic convent so they could get a formal education. During this formal education of hers, she learned about French politics, history of France, and was able to mold her own theories and just ideas about the world around her. Thus, she became a French moderate Republican party member during 1791 and 1793 and this is during the French Revolution.

Alana: I'm guessing that moderate Republican back then doesn't mean the same thing that moderate Republican means now.

Haley: No, not at all. I'll explain more. So that's– this is exactly why I wanted to do our whole kind of let's see the players let's name some names and let's go over some history because just looking at her based on just the woman it's very hard to understand why she's one, seen as a hero; two, seen as a murderous assassin which both are correct in a way.

Lexi: I mean, goals. No I’m just kidding. I’m not condoning murder.

Haley: No so that's basically where she's at in the scope of where she grew up and what role she’ll play in the French Revolution, or what side she was on. And she's also mainly known for murdering Jordian Jean-Paul Marat, and he was on the other side he was Jordian so she was very opposed to his ideals. So again like Alana said is this kind of like what our U. S. politics is like? No, this isn't the Republican Party. However we have two extreme sides and people on one extreme, people on another extreme. That is very much similar. And he was an outspoken leader of the French Revolution to the point where he was the founder of a popular journal, deputy of Paris to the convention, opposed legislation that would hurt the other side, empower him and to Charlotte and other Girondan followers. So now that we cover the big picture ideas and we know the players and we know how extreme both these sides are, let's do our deep dive. She was committed to fighting the Girondist side of the revolution, posing the radical Jacobin faction. So this was right before the Reign of Terror, and why I mention this is because all her actions were to stop a civil war; and the Reign of Terror was a part of the French Revolution that kind of like started the first French Republic and culminated in a series of massacres and like many many public executions. So this is what she tried to stop from happening in French society. However, her whole story and what role she played in the revolution actually caused the Reign of Terror. So that's why for me as– in high school was like why aren't we talking about her and now we're gonna talk about her now. So, we come to the point where our victim Marat was continuing his train of like bloodshed, and was responsible for utter catastrophe, and putting a lot of lives in danger of like the French– like the French people were just terrified of him, to an extent. And that’s why Charlotte just hated him. He was seen as definitely one of the leaders of this one extreme side that had to be taken out. So that's exactly what she kind of planned to do. And she was not in Paris, she was still in another city outside of Paris, France. So, Charlotte stabbed him while he was taking a bath; and that's really the punch line of like her whole story. If you do like a quick Google search you'll get a lot of stuff for her and even in some textbooks that I tried to look at it was just like Charlotte Corday assassin… stabbed Marat in the heart. Really, she stabbed him in a planned assassin while he was taking a bath. I'm gonna just go through the accounts of this whole story because they're not really pieced together in one area and I'm going to piece them together now so you can understand why he was like in a bathtub, why she stabbed him, and so on. Because this just sounds so strange and it's really strange to see this as your history. So the planned assassin started because she wanted, like I said, to stop from a civil war happening in France, and she truly believed that to do this you have to kill one of the leaders; and also to an extent make the other side seem strong in that way. Like if you kill one of the leaders, you prove that the other side is just as strong or stronger. So she originally planned to kill him at a Bastille Day parade to make a huge show of it and this was on July 14th 1793. Unfortunately, or fortunately for her plans in a sense the event was just like it either didn't happen or it became apparent that Marat was not going to be at that public event. So she quickly had to say okay what else can I do, how can… what will be the next step to kill him. On July 13th, so the day before this event was supposed to happen, she was able to get a meet and greet with him or just gain access to him by saying and promising to betray her political side and give some insider secrets– like name names, basically become a traitor. And Marat was like cool you're definitely high up in the Girondin side of it, let you like, come into our area, we’ll hold– like we’ll basically keep you hostage, in a sense, like that's the feel I got… like Marat was also like come to our side because if anything happens you'll be on our turf; and she did. She was like cool, great. You don't know I'm gonna kill you, you think I'm gonna come and like give you all my secrets and then you'll protect me in a way. So Marat was having this meeting in the bathtub, but this was a very normal occurrence for him because he had a terrible skin disease or infection that he would just be in the bath all the time, like the water soothed him. So he was just very vulnerable, but that was his normal state– like nothing was wrong with him taking a meeting in the tub… so like she could be alone with him. It would be more weird if they were just walking around in the streets together. And instead of having this whole conversation that Charlotte said she would, she took this knife out of her bodice that she was just like hiding there and stabbed him in the chest.

Haley: He died almost immediately; and she actually waited for the police to come. She did not run away– she waited and confessed, essentially. She was proud of what she did, she wanted this assassination like the public assassin– assassination to still have some sort of effect on the public to show that her side did it to the other side, she is responsible for ma–Marat, and she did it as this political leader, in a sense. So at the trial, she allegedly proclaimed ‘I killed one man to save a hundred thousand’ and she kept reiterating that this was in fact a planned assassination, this wasn't out of passion. She took some thought, even wrote down like accounts and like had this whole… I saw like some people called it a journal or like statement– different written statements basically on her thoughts of an upcoming civil war and what she thought she was doing to help prevent that. She was also able, before the trial she was able to write down like write a letter and write her thoughts, feelings, concerns to her father. So her father was still alive and was able to get this kinda like last testimony of hers. And of course during this trial because she did essentially plead guilty… she was ordered to be executed via guillotine just four days after the murder; so July 17th 1793. And another quote from a lawyer from all this whole trial came from I think this was a man named Vergniaud, but I couldn't find this quote as in from like a reputable source as yes this was him, so could have been just another lawyer and not this guy. However, someone as a witness to this whole trial on this whole ordeal said ‘She is leading us to our death, but she is showing us how to die’ and it was because he, as a lawyer, saw this whole thing, saw her whole plan, and knew okay this is going to become a massive shit show. Like this won't end well. She is not preventing a civil war; she actually just started a whole other battle. However, she is showing us how to die with dignity, and showing how to like own up to the actions and just just die. Essentially die because a lot of people through the Reign of Terror did die. So you thought I'd be done– and I know this is gonna be my longest but this is such a great great story– because now we get into her overall death legacy, and we do know a lot of things, unlike Amelia Earhart where we just don't know what happened to her after death. A lot of this we still have artifacts and evidence of. She overall became this French savior, like the savior of French society in her circle. Months after her death, there are just so many portraits of her in different scenarios; short hair, long hair– like I needed to go back and make sure these were the same Charlotte Corday and if there could have been multiple Charlotte's just to make sure that these images looked so vastly different. And it was because people wanted to show that she was just this holy woman and ladies now weren't the ones who are supposed to be stuck in the kitchen with raising the kids. They had the power to do something in life and in society, but they also had a spin on it, so like– like I said, she was seen as a savior, this holy woman, goddess… like they even used her Christian name so Marie-Anne Charlotte, which she– to my knowledge, and to my research didn't necessarily go by that name. But there are definitely images of that name and her with very fair skin, white, brunette hair, looking very womanly and accentuating her womanly features. So that really pissed off the other side. Like all Marat’s supporters, they were absolutely flabbergasted that she was getting such a reputation. They thought this can't be happening; she just murdered one of our political leaders, and she was executed for it, why is everyone trying to kind of put this holy cap on her. And yes, that worked to an extent, like their outcry, because like yes she did murder someone. But it didn't help enough, and there were women in French society who did try to distance themselves from her and just for ideas of what women should be like. But, Charlotte did such a good job at like the legend of her as a woman, even before she died, that it didn't matter. Like I read an article about whether she had blonde hair or chestnut brown hair from a 2004 academic article; like this is still being discussed. And she had a part of her reputation– like she knew that whether it started a civil war or not she needed to form her own reputation. And there's even accounts that she witnessed the paintings and drawings of her that would be published and printed post-execution, and she gave comments. She was like no no no no, make me look more like a schoolgirl; or like make me more with curly hair. I don't really know the specifics but it was documented that she would give kind of suggestions on how she would look like. So while she did it, she tried so hard to like make herself look like this holy woman, and yes it did work. Marat, when he died, one of his very close friends, Jacques-Louis David painted the classic portrait or classic image, not portrait The Death of Marat, which is capturing the scene of his death and that is still considered like a classic image and the classic picture from– especially from the French Revolution. So I don't– I don't want to go as far as saying either Charlotte's portrayed as this holy one or this heinous, murderous, like scoundrel because both of them have lasted to this point in history that no one can make up their mind whether this was like a good thing that happened or a bad thing that happened. And I don’t even– I don’t even want to put out like in the universe whether we should have the discussion; if we should say like yes or no. I just wanna give you the facts and let you kind of like decide but that is Charlotte Corday.

Lexi: She is very interesting.

Alana: Yeah that's real cool. That's fun. That was a good transition for… from the guillotine to…

Lexi: Yes, good choice.

Alana: Charlotte Corday. I’m glad we let you go first.

Lexi: Alana hit us. Hit us with it. Don't hit us please don't hit me.

Alana: I won’t hit you. Okay so I will be talking about Giulia Tofana. Um.. Ooooh Haley's face, I'm so excited. I feel like– I hope I do this justice. Oh no. She is Giulia but it’s spelled G-I-U because she's Italian. Okay. So. I like to give credit as we've seen in the past like where I have first found out about my stories. And so I first found out about Ms. Tofana– I should I should call her Giulia not Ms. Tofana because there’s another Tofana, her mother’s name is also Tofana. I heard about this for the first time on Wut. W-U-T which is another great edutainment podcast by women. I'm gonna promo them without needing a sponsorship or a collab because women supporting women. So if you like us, go check them out. That was fun. They're not specifically women's history they're just kind of fun facts in general so not as niche as us but still pretty cool. And then I heard about that podcast from my friend Jesse on Twitter… I think we're friends I don't know I think we're friends… so shout out to Jesse. So Giulia Tofana, G-I-U because she's Italian, lived in the seventeenth century. Exact dates are kind of weird because she was a woman and not highborn. Best guess she was born in Palermo in Sicily. Her mother was executed for poisoning her father, possibly because he was abusive. This is a thing– like a running theme that we’ll see it later. Also later, Giulia's husband died mysteriously, probably also poisoned, probably also abusive. So she moved to Rome at some point in the 1630s-ish, probably, as a widow with her daughter to sell cosmetics and be apothecaries and poison people. Dun dun dun… 

Alana: So women in the seventeenth century have so many options. They can be sex workers, they can be essentially auctioned off to almost always abuse of older men and then later if their husbands died become respected widows. Those are your options. So many! So many options! What– how are you going to pick, so many things.

Lexi: The amount of choices is staggering.

Alana: Paralyzed by choice, really. My sources call these women ‘aspiring windows’ as if they are gold diggers and not battered women with no escape. I love– I love that like my running theme is criticizing my sources. That's my thing. Giulia crafted essentially her own poison. Created her own poison, or what by all accounts… she was the one who came up with this. Between like her and her mother and her daughter they came up with this poison called aqua tofana, named after her. It's a combination of arsenic and belladonna and lead, which are things that are already in cosmetics at the time but not quite lethal, still have problems, but not lethal unless they're ingested. And so having these things on a vanity looks totally normal. And so Giulia, as someone who experienced abuse, who had watched her mother get executed for defending herself, essentially… I am not condoning murder, and I know it's never good to say something at the beginning of a sentence like ‘I'm not condoning murder’ and then doing ‘but’... I feel like… there are no options.

Lexi: Self defense.

Alana: Self defense.

Lexi: And it seems very clear– again, we don't know the whole situation but it seems very clear that she was in a bad situation.

Alana: A bad situation. Yeah

Lexi: We are not the judge, jury, or the executioner so we can't say.

Alana: So she, having probably been abused and having watched her mother probably been abused and watched her mother get executed for essentially defending herself… she's going to help these other women get out of their marriages in such a way that it can't be traced. Because this poisoning with this mixture of belladonna and arsenic and lead, it takes really long for someone to die. Really long is like two to three days, but it also looks like natural causes or another illness which always happened in the 1600s. People got sick and died and that was just normal. And it gave these men time to get their affairs in order and to confess their sins and in a very Catholic area at a very Catholic time you like automatically got into heaven as long as you confessed your sins. So since these people had time to confess their sins, our murderess wouldn't have to feel so guilty that she was condemning her husband to hell even though he was probably hurting her. It only takes four to six drops to kill someone, depending on their size and all of that other stuff. And another side fact, side fun fact: Mozart, who nobody knows how Mozart died, Mozart wholeheartedly believed that he was poisoned with aqua tofana, but nobody knows. I feel so good that Haley is just nodding fervently. I feel like I'm doing a good job. Thank you for that.

Haley: I've awkwardly read so much on arsenic poisoning. Just so much so, but yes you are correct. There are probably just so many people who died of arsenic poison in the 1600s because autopsies weren’t like what we have today where you can do a toxicology, so so many people would seem like they were getting ill, because a lot of the times it just looks like a common cold or flu-like symptoms, they just weren't feeling good. But then they would die so now people do toxicology because it's a thirty year old man with no pre-existing conditions. But when you're talking about it in the 1600s it's like ‘oh they got sick we don't have modern medicine to help out.’

Alana: Nobody knows what's happening, essentially. It's like ‘oh no another person got sick.’ So Giulia Tofana sold this with her daughter and some employees at this family business, essentially, which is a weird way to think about it– that the family business is murder. They operated like this for about fifty years, for decades. And… at least the estimated number is something like six hundred plus people died because she sold their wives poison. But she got caught, and legend has it– and there are so many foggy details but this seems way too specific so I think like somebody exaggerated but, one of her clients who had bought the aqua tofana to poison her husband had poisoned a bowl of soup but decided, ‘no, I can’t. I can’t kill someone’ and dramatically knocked it out of his hand. And that's where I am thinking this… somebody exaggerated. Somebody made this up because that's way too specific. But she stopped her husband from eating the soup and confessed her crimes and turned in Giulia Tofana and her daughter and their three employees at the business. And all of them were executed. Under torture, of course, it's the seventeenth century, she turned on a bunch of her clients as well. So a bunch of her clients were also executed. Some of them were not executed, because they claimed that they didn't know that it was poison and it was just ‘oh no, I spilled some of my lotion in my husband���s soup… Oops. Oopsie poopsies I’m only like fourteen I don't know any better.’ I made myself laugh with that one I’m sorry. But those people were spared. So there is something to… was Giulia a hero, was she a murderess, could both of those things be true…

Lexi: Was she an anti-hero?

Alana: She's kind of an anti-hero. I think that's what we’re going for.

Haley: I like that, I like anti-hero.

Alana: I think– I also think like–

Lexi: Like a Robin Hood, but murder.

Alana: Batman, but murder. Does Batman kill people?

Lexi: Robin Hood stole things, he didn't kill anyone. This is like the Robin Hood of murdering people.

Alana: Sure.

Lexi: It's like murder the rich, give to the wife?

Alana: Vigilante!

Lexi: I don't know. Vigilante murder, yeah.

Haley: So far we’re on the track of like ‘our criminals are good, question mark?’

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Mine was definitely a criminal, but we'll get in that.

Alana: Well, I am done. So, Lexi let’s get into that.

Lexi: What a segue! Okay. So my lady, though definitely also had a lot of background trauma as it seems that a lot of these ladies had definitely did crime. So we'll just jump in. Have you guys ever heard of the queen of the mob?

Haley: Yes. I'm so excited that you're doing this one.

Alana: Maybe. You'll have to tell me her name.

Lexi: Okay.

Haley: This is truly like my favorite episodes so far, and I like hate when people like get really into criminals like some people, like for Jeffrey Dahmer, people love him, think he's like the most beautiful man, same with Ted Bundy, and that's not where my head is at.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: I have a true fascination with the history of crime, death, medicine, and how our society perceives it now. When I say I love these people or I love these stories that is not where I'm going.

Lexi: You're not doing the whole crime fandom crush thing.

Haley: No.

Alana: I have seen people get like Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer's signatures tattooed on themselves.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: Yeah

Lexi: And I don't condone that.

Alana: No we don't like that.

Lexi: But you can be interested in crime especially because as someone who has taken courses in the forensic realm… and who likes bones, and likes that kind of thing, I think you can be interested in the human phenomenon.

Alana: As academics.

Haley: That’s where we’re at for me.

Alana: Not as fanatics.

Lexi: Yes, yes.

Haley: I was listening to like you guys speak and kind of like going back in my head like oh, I seem like such a psycho when I’m like ‘I love Charlotte’ like she is just a fascinating human.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Well now we’ve clarified which is good.

Haley: She assassinated someone. And assassinations aren’t swell.

Lexi: But like when you think about like what is interesting on TV, or like what is interesting in our fiction, it's because humans have a general interest. So–

Haley: I wanna write a whole paper on that. Just truly that whole concept.

Lexi: So the queen of the mob, Virginia Hill. You can learn about her at the Mob Museum, people are really really fascinated with her and her story is really interesting. And she was born on August 26, 1916 in a place called Lipscomb, Alabama. I might have said that wrong, you know general– general reminder I say things wrong sometimes. She was born on her father's horse farm. Her father was abusive and he actually beat her and her siblings when they were children and one day she got really fed up with him attacking her and her little siblings so she hit him with a hot skillet in self defense. At the age of fourteen, Virginia married a man named George and three years later the couple moved to Chicago. When they got there she dumped him because you realize the world is a lot bigger than her hometown in Alabama, and so seventeen year old Virginia wanted to start her life anew. At the time, the 1933 Chicago Century of Progress Exposition, which is a World's Fair style event, and it was conceived to bring hope in the wake of the Great Depression that was happening. So Virginia took a job dancing, like as a shimmy dancer, so she had a really unique–

Alana: What– what does shimmy dancer mean? Like a go-go dancer? Like a str– like what?

Lexi: I think you dance shimmy like you shake back and forth and you wear tassels, I believe.

Alana: Dream job.

Lexi: But someone feel free to correct me.

Haley: Yeah, I was thinking one of those 1920s cigarette girls.

Lexi: Yeah that could probably be it because this is a similar era.

Haley: Like they would have like the thing that went over them holding a plate platter like tray that they would just like walk around, dance around, and you can buy stuff from them.

Lexi: Yeah. It could possibly be akin to that. When the fair ended, Virginia became a waitress at one of Al Capone's old haunts the San Carlo Italian Village, which is a restaurant not a town. I had to Google that. Though Capone was at that time in prison, he went to prison in 1931, the community of criminals that he had built was still thriving, and it was– it was in this role as a waitress serving tables of America’s mobsters that Virginia met the man who would change her life. His name was Joe Epstein. He was an accountant and bookkeeper for Capone's crime family, and he took a liking to Virginia’s style, and that doesn't mean like her physical attractiveness… she had a certain style of a way that she talked to the mobsters, and she seemed to really have like a no-nonsense kind of ability to deal with the mobsters, which is really unique in a girl so young. So he felt he could trust her, and he took her on as a money launderer for his racketeering. She laundered the money by placing large bets on horses in Chicago's racetracks. She later moved into betting scams which is basically when she learned how from Joe to collect bets on fixed boxing matches. So the matches will be predetermined, but she would encourage people to bet the losing side. Virginia didn't just launder money. Joe taught her how to dress and act like a rich woman, and used her to cross state lines with stolen furs, jewels, and other items, because of course no one would suspect a nice, rich lady of stealing things and crossing state lines with them. The craziest part is that this all happened before Virginia even turned twenty. So by the age of twenty she was wearing really wealthy clothes, working really wealthy circles, and basically was a part of the mob. Over time, Hill became a trusted cash carrier, money launderer, and information gatherer for Joe and the rest of Capone's crew. She had many rich boyfriends and often used these relationships to benefit her mob family. In one instance she dated an oil tycoon named Major Riddle. No, you cannot make up this name, and yes, I wrote in my script to pause for insane laughter but no one is laughing. I think his name is hilarious.

Haley: I think that’s the best name ever.

Alana: We're on meat. We're on mute. Lexi that's why we're not laughing you didn't... they won’t be able to see the face that I made.

Lexi: Yeah. That's true. I forgot. Well anyway she dated this oil tycoon Mr. Riddle and she convinced him to give her money for investments that were like completely fake and she took that money back to her boy Joe. And Hill used her womanly charm, and by that I mean she seduced men. And through these methods she was able to obtain valuable information for her mob bros. Joe encourage Virginia to move out east to build connections between Chicago and New York crime syndicates. In New York, she laundered money and met many more men including a Mexican night club dancer named excuse my pronunciation, if this is wrong, Miguelito Valdez. At some point Virginia marriedValdez to help him maintain his residence in the United States. And then Virginia, at the same time as this marriage, had an on and off affair with Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel who is a really famous leader in organized crime.The pair is well known to have real chemistry so this wasn't just considered to be a case of her seducing someone. They think that she genuinely liked him And unfortunately at the time Bugsy was married to another woman. In 1940, he was sent to jail on a murder charge. While Bugsy was in jail, Virginia tricked Valdez into signing divorce papers. And it was all very “90 day fiance” of her if you ask me. It is unclear if it was through her marriage or not but at some point Virginia had become very fluent in Spanish. She used her newfound language skills to begin trafficking drugs particularly heroin from Mexico to Chicago. In the 1940s, she attempted to start a career acting in Hollywood while transferring cash from New York to Chicago to LA. Meanwhile, Bugsy was setting up his new crime life in Las Vegas which he believed was the new up and coming resort destination for Americans and in hindsight he was probably right. He wanted Virginia to join him and she did but mainly only to spy on his activities and report back to her other mob leaders like Joe. Unfortunately, Bugsy’s biggest dreams were dashed when his resort project the “Flamingo” failed. He had drowned too much money into elabore improvements to the resort and lost cash when lucky winners struck it big in his casino. In a desperate attempt to save the business, he closed the casino and reopened the Flamingo as a hotel only, which sadly was unsuccessful, because we all know how Vegas went. Hill received orders to leave Las Vegas, so she did. 12 days later, someone shot Bugsy dead in their home. In 1950, Virginia went to a ski resort in Idaho, which I didn’t know you could ski in Idaho, but apparently you can. And she fell in love with an instructor named Hans Hauser. Again, very “90 Day Fiance” of her. Though she was still laundering money and Hauser was not a criminal, he still wanted to marry her. The couple eloped and had a son named Peter. Later that year, Virginia was subpoenaed to appear in a trial on organized crime which would be shown on National TV. She arrived like a star, dressed from head to toe in expensive clothing and jewelry. As a witness, she served her crime family well, evading details and giving vague, basic answers to in depth questions. She used creative lies to explain away all the cash she had laundered, explaining how she had bet money on horses to win her initial cash. She also insisted that most of her wealth came from gifts of suitors, or as we would probably call them today her sugar daddies. Now quick side note- this kinda gives me vibes of the musical Chicago and that song about the main character’s testimony, where she basically used her charm and virtue as a woman to get out of murder. “Well I can’t help it sir, I am just so beautiful men flock to me and give me free things.” On the stand, Virinigia denied that her male friends and lovers were racketeers. When the investigators caught her in her lies, she simply denied knowledge of the nature of their work. “But I never knew anything about their business” she would say. She denied her ability to have any financial knowledge, you know, because she was a lady, and ladies don’t do money things.

Alana: Ladies don’t money.

Lexi: Ladies never money.

Alana: Women be shopping but women don’t be money.

Haley: I love the comparison, like this whole story cuz this is so much like Charlotte. Both of these ladies are trying to be like, “Oh women do this, this is how women look, look how beautiful we are.

Lexi: That’s the vibe. That’s the vibe she was going for. The investigators were still suspicious, it did not work. Because, you know, it was about to be the sixties I mean it was the fifties but was about to be the sixties and so women were going to be liberated. As Virginia left the trial, she cursed out the press and she punched a reporter in the face. Then as she got her car she told reporters she hoped an atomic bomb would be dropped on them, which I think is a timely thing to say. This was right after World War II. That- That’s a big insult. That’s really mean.  Virginia and Hans then realized that they needed to leave America so they moved to Europe. The IRS was still on Virginia's tail and she knew she could not return to the States ever again. She met up with her old boyfriends and colleagues while they were in Europe and it was clear she still received money from her life's consistent characters like Joe. In the nineteen sixties Virginia and her family settled in Austria and her mental health rapidly declined.

Viriginia had suffered with her mental health through most of her adult life, getting hooked on sleeping pills and almost dying from a sleeping pill overdose on at least one occasion. Her life was turbulent, her trauma was intense, and she survived at least three separate suicide attempts. On cold, winter’s day,  March 24th, 1966, in Austria, Virginia took her own life. Pedestrians taking a walk along the water found her body, laying in the snow, along with a note stating the reason for her death, “I am tired of life”. Her husband Hans also took his own life, passing in 1974. Their son Peter, who would go on to become an American soldier and veterean of the Vietnam War, died in a car accident 20 years later. The family is buried together, in Salzburg, Austria. To this day, some crime enthusiasts believe Virginia may have been murdered, force fed pills as a method to hide a murder as suicide of someone with a history of mental illness. Though her apparent struggles with her mental health throughout her life really suggest this theory is unlikely. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood and instead of getting help she needed, she was married off and eventually she was convinced to do crime. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it's possible some for mental health issues stem from that early trauma. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood, and instead of getting the help she needed, she was married off. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it is possible some of her mental health issues stemmed from that early trauma. I think Virginia also teaches us that it took more than men to make the Mobs of early and mid century America function.  Virginia was often called the mistress of the mob, but that’s not fair- she wasn’t a mistress of the mob, she was a member of the mob. Women, both those whose stories are recorded and those whose stories were forgotten, played central roles in organized crime. So maybe next time you think about famous figures like Al Capone, think of the women like Virginia Hill who supported the crimes too. And that’s why we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly of women’s history, because there are so many stories that go untold.

Alana: That was so beautiful.

Haley: That was mind blowing.

Lexi: Thank you! I am gonna leave in you guys calling it beautiful too!

Alana: That was incredible.

Lexi: I really thought about that really hard.

Alana: Holy shit!

Haley: I truly love that like all our stories had a moral like that the ending for Alana was also just like you have to face that you're a killer that's a no no and like Lexi here with mental health and then me being like it's not all black and white you’re both bad people!

Alana: Nuance and context is like my mantra these days.

Lexi: That’s academics.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: Nuance and context as academics.

Lexi  As people who studied at a university. Oh my.

Alana: I have a bachelor's degree.

Lexi: Mhmm. Is this podcast just proof to your parents that you got a bachelor's degree?

Alana: No, they paid for it.

Lexi: They know.

Alana: They know.

Lexi: They suffered.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don’t like the show, keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, Garageband, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time on Lady History.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week on Lady History: we're going to be in the kitchen cooking up some great stories about famous women chefs and cooks alike. 

Alana: WHERE WE BELONG.

Lexi: In the kitchen.

Alana: /s. 

[sweetheartjeongguk]

pretty kitty 3 (m)

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: hybrid au, camgirl au, fluff, smut

rating: nc-17

warning(s): drunk sex, impregnation kink, daddy kink, mentions of drugs and alcohol, taehyung and oc having the feels 

word count: 6.6k+

summary: you’re both jagged pieces of a puzzle, but you fit rather nicely together. 

the discovery | the denial | the meeting | the aftermath | the payback

masterlist

“You tired already?”

You huff out an annoyed breath. “Easy for you to say. You just stick your dick in while I gotta deal with your sweaty body on top of me. It’s like Niagara Falls every time you top.”

Seojoon clutches at his chest in offense. “How dare you? First of all, might I remind you that I made you that spicy ramen last night even though we all know it starts World War III in your guts and you were stuck on the toilet for an hour crying over your ‘ruined asshole’?”

“Why, you little—”  

You launch a pillow at his face, but unfortunately for you, his reflexes as a panther hybrid allow him to easily avoid your attempted assault.

“Anyways, I gotta get going.” Seojoon sighs in fake disappointment. “Hyungsik wanted to binge-watch My Hero Academia with me, but I’ve been avoiding him ever since I accidentally watched the season already.”

“Yikes, good luck dealing with that mess.”

You never really liked Hyungsik, and you’re 99.9% certain that the feeling’s mutual. Just something about him strikes a wrong chord with you, but Seojoon shrugs this off as irrational paranoia. Unwilling to argue with your friend, you force yourself to muster up the brightest phony smile whenever you stop by their apartment to hang out or drop something off.

“See you tomorrow!” He shouts as he escapes through the front door after slipping his clothes back on. “Great work today as always! Don’t forget my money, bitch!”

“Love you too, jackass.” You grumble as you lay in a starfish position on your mattress.  

The livestream ended an hour ago, but Seojoon stayed to help you clean up and recuperate after the camming session. While he’s a dumbass half the time, you admire him for his consistent attitude for quality aftercare, even after the most vanilla of encounters. This particular session gained you a hundred more viewers and a decent amount of money for you to share with. If your elementary school-level calculations serve you well, the night’s earnings combined with your last solo stream are enough to cover textbook costs and the money you owe Seojoon for the time you overflowed his toilet after trying to flush his toothbrush down after accidentally flinging it inside and wanting to “destroy the evidence” before Seojoon came home.  

Your next defense was to blame it on Hyungsik, but he didn’t seem to appreciate the joke.

As recompense for your so-called “crime against humanity”, you offered a substantial portion of your earnings if he helped with filming. Sex came natural to the both of you, lacking the expectation of blatant resistance when you first brought up the idea. Casual sex with a trustworthy friend while making a couple hundred bucks every five minutes? Seojoon couldn’t find any fault with that.

After all, you sucked him off in a frat house bathroom just an hour after you two were officially introduced.

You stretch out across the bed with a wince. Maybe you’ll invest an hour-long massage once your money gets transferred to your account. Better yet, you’ll force Seojoon to pay for it since this is his fault in the beginning. The man’s built like a god but fucks like the devil.  

When you unlock the screen of your cell phone, you’re bombarded with the sight of multiple texts from Seulgi and an email about your Music 101 class being cancelled on Monday. After browsing through bland Instagram stories, you finally decide to appease the witch in your inbox.

Right off the bat, you regret opening up the message.

BITCH YOU BETTER ANSWER ME BEFORE I COME OVER AND TELL SEOJOON ABOUT UR CRUSTY VAGINA PROBLEMS.

You’ve had plenty of experiences with Seulgi barging in during your not-so PG moments and having her fall into an exaggerated spiel that has your partners running out of your dorm in record time. You’d be a fool to fall into her hands again so with a heavy heart, your thumbs type out your response.

yes ur majesty??

Not even five seconds later, your phone beeps with a new message.

wOW look whos here, puss in boots has finally blessed me with her appearance.

Before you can type back your offended retort, you’re blasted with the annoying Facetime ringtone. With a sigh and silent prayer to whatever higher power is up there, you accept the call.

“I almost thought the dick went to your head and not your vagina.” Seulgi snorts when your less than glamorous face comes into view on her screen. “How was your dick appointment, sunshine?”

“I’m doing fine, thanks for asking appropriately.” You flash her an unimpressed stare. “I made over $5k tonight so cancel your plans for tomorrow. We’re going shopping at the outlet tomorrow!”

“Okay, Little Miss Fancy.” Seulgi wiggles her eyebrows in approval. “Just in time too. There’s going to be a party at Jennie and Jisoo’s this weekend, and I’m trying to get dicked down before I’m forced to graduate with cobwebs on my clit.”

“Okay, first of all…I’m not even going to ask.” You shudder in disgust. “Second of all, don’t you have your project due the day after? Might I remind you of what happened last time?”

Seulgi blanches white. “Please don’t. I’d rather not remember that when there’s a dick in my mouth.”

You hold your free hand up in surrender. “Alright then, your problem. Just so you know, I think that you should have started that project months ago.”

“And I think that I should be married to Gong Yoo with two beautiful children, but we don’t always get everything we want.” Seulgi harrumphs. “Anyways, don’t be a party pooper. Who knows, maybe you’ll find Sugar Daddy Number 163 there?”

“My finger is literally hovering over the end call button as we speak.”

“Do it, bitch. I’ll throw away that catnip that you think I don’t know about in the secret drawer inside your closet.”

“That is low, Kang, that is just low.”

“Hey, there’s a party at Jennie’s this weekend? You down?” Jimin calls from the couch as he scrolls through the influx of messages in his dance class group chat.

Taehyung is fully immersed in washing the pile of dishes in the sink that he almost doesn’t catch Jimin’s voice over the running faucet. When he contemplates this in his head, he just shrugs indifferently.

“I don’t know, I’m not really friends with her.”

“She’s cool, man. The rest of us are going too anyway, so it’s not like you’re going to be by yourself.” Jimin points out.

“Knowing you all, you’re going to be dragged off into a game of beer pong against Jungkook or caught up in some random hook-up in a closet somewhere, Namjoon’s going to get himself stuck in another piece of furniture again, and Jin and Yoongi are going to make another stupid bet that’s going to get Jin stuck in jail again.”

“What about Hoseok?”

“He gets red after two sips.” Taehyung scoffs. “The most I had to do was stop him from calling his parents to apologize for drinking and never calling enough. He’s the least of our worries.”

“You might find someone to spend the night with?” Jimin singsongs. “Get your dick wet after all these months of being a loser and staying home jerking off to porn?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Staying home doesn’t make someone a loser.”

“That’s something a loser who stays at home jerking off to porn would say.”

Taehyung sighs up at the ceiling, hands soaked and wrinkled from the soapy water. “I don’t even know why I try at this point.”

“Just think about it.” Jimin stands to grab his jacket hanging off the side of the couch. “You might be pleasantly surprised.”

“Highly doubt it, but thanks for the advice.” Taehyung actively avoids the flick of Jimin’s middle finger as the latter leaves to head back to his own dorm.

Once he’s finally alone, Taehyung takes a moment to actually think about Jimin’s proposal. If he does go to the party, there’s a 50-50 chance of him getting lucky with some hot stranger desperate for a random dick for the night or him returning home with six (or five, depending on Seokjin’s law-breaking kink) drunken idiots.

His Plan B (B standing for “Better Option”) would be to just forget about the party and stay home where he can happily jerk off to porn while digging into a huge bag of Hot Cheetos. Thankfully, he’s learned his lesson on how to jerk off without accidentally using the Hot Cheeto hand.

Taehyung had the case of spicy dick for a good five hours until Jimin came over to check up on him. However, the only thing Jimin could do was fall back in crazed laughter and snap a Polaroid of Taehyung’s distressed tears from his Cheeto dick.

Maybe the party idea isn’t sounding too bad after all.  

You fidget uncomfortably in your seat as you adjust your too-tight top. You had forced yourself to sit through an entire styling process from Seulgi who decided that you needed a little more “oomph” in your appearance.

In the words of Kang Seulgi, “God, Y/N, you’re a popular camgirl known for her sexual appeal, and yet you continue to dress like a middle-aged librarian mixed with Maria from the Sound of Music.”

You couldn’t help but shrink back in offense – your wardrobe isn’t that terrible. Sure, you wear too many casual clothes, and the only time you wear expensive lingerie or anything remotely “sexy” is when you go on camera, wearing the gifts given to you by loyal viewers.

Regardless, you let Seulgi work her magic in the brief time you had to yourself before Ji-Eun arrived to drive the three of you to the party.

Seulgi passionately performs a mini concert in the backseat with her own rendition of “God is a Woman” while Ji-Eun boils in the driver’s seat, her hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel. You don’t know which is worst at this point.

“God, will this car go any fucking slower?” She grits her teeth as another person honks their horn at Ji-Eun to let them through. “Why do they have to live so far away in the ass crack of nowhere?”

“They’re only 15 minutes away from us…”

“You better watch your mouth, Kang, or else you’re walking home.” Ji-Eun scowls into the rearview mirror.

Seulgi slouches back in her seat, no longer feeling the need to belt out the last notes of the song as it comes to an end. Angry Ji-Eun’s a side to the usually cherubic Ji-Eun that should never see the light of day no matter the circumstances. You busy yourself by scrolling through your Instagram feed, liking a couple pictures from your friends back home and laughing silently at some random dog videos that pop up in-between. Your scrolling comes to a halt, your thumb hovering hesitantly above the heart button of a certain photo.

If it wasn’t for the owner of the account, you would have found the courage to double-tap.

“Oh, isn’t that Kim Taehyung?”

“It is…” You mutter quietly, ignoring the close presence of Seulgi’s face near yours.

You’re desperate to scroll past, but Seulgi reaches her hand out to hold your phone.

“You should go for him, Y/N!” Ji-Eun whistles when she catches the picture of his selfie from the corner of her eye. “I heard he and Sooyoung already broke up, so you got a shot.”

The corner of your mouth quirks up in a half-assed smile. As if.

“They broke up already?” Seulgi asks curiously as she hands you back your phone. “I could have sworn that they were messing around together a couple weeks ago.”

There goes your fleeting moment of happiness.

“They weren’t really a thing, I’m pretty sure.” Ji-Eun pauses in thought. “They hooked up a couple times, but I think they’re just friends or at least just in the same friend group.”

You silently stew in your seat, clicking out of the app and locking your phone. Thanks to Seulgi, you’re aching to burn the image of Sooyoung wrapped around Taehyung from your brain. Not that you’re jealous, of course.  

Ji-Eun sighs in relief as the sight of the house comes into view. After parking precariously on the side of the street, Seulgi rushes your trio inside and through the living room teeming with drunk college students and into the kitchen to grab the first drinks of the night. You twitch your nose at the stench of musky cologne, hormones, and hard liquor intermingling as you approach the bartender of the night who just so happens to be Seojoon.

“Hey guys!” Seojoon chimes as he finishes up mixing Hyungsik’s drink who stands cross-armed against the wall with a look of boredom directed at the three of you, mostly at you. “I was wondering when you’d be getting here.”

“When did you get here?” You greet him with a short side-hug, stopping to glare at him until his traveling palm averts its course from your ass.

“Hyungsik and I got here beforehand to help set up.” Seojoon nods towards the brooding man in the corner. “Jisoo stuck me with this job, and now I can’t leave until the party’s over or at least until I’m forced to go out to buy more alcohol for these heathens.”

You scrunch your nose in annoyance. “That doesn’t sound fun. Why can’t they do it themselves?”

Seojoon clears his throat. “I quote, ‘because getting dicked down by the hottest guy in the room is the main priority of the night’.”

“Hear, hear.” Seulgi nods distractedly.

You smack your hand against her bicep. “Can’t you think without your genitals for a second?”

“Y/N…sweetheart.” Seulgi pats your cheek as if you’re an innocent child. “You must not know me at all.”

“Nevertheless, ladies, please enjoy the party.” Seojoon pulls you back before you can take a swipe at your best friend. “Y/N, I’ll be seeing you later.”

Seojoon clicks his tongue suggestively, reveling in your eyeroll and not-so discreet middle finger. After grabbing your drinks, the three of you head towards an empty corner of the room, away from the concentrated cloud of marijuana and crusty men who crave a quick grope.    

“Dang, was the dick that bad?” Seulgi scoffs jokingly. “Maybe if you’re not interested, you can spare a little bite...”

“Wait, since when you and Seojoon a thing?” Ji-Eun’s eyes widen.

You subtly glare at Seulgi’s apparent struggle to hold back her knowing laughter before turning to answer Ji-Eun with the most innocent look imaginable.

“I don’t know where Seulgi gets her delusions.” You smile through gritted teeth. “Seojoon and I hanging out from time to time does not equate to us fucking.”

Seulgi lets out a snort. “Something smells fishy…I think it’s your va—"

She squeaks in pain when she feels the stab of your heel into her foot. The music drowns out most of her cries of distress which Ji-Eun fails to notice. She takes a large gulp of her drink, grimacing at the strong aftertaste of the mostly-vodka mixture.

“God, I want to sue Seojoon for making us this terrible drink.” Ji-Eun stares at the cup with utter hatred in her eyes. “Seriously, it tastes like straight-up ass paired with off brand Caprisun.”

“I second that notion.” You swallow back a gag as the concoction slips uneasily down your throat.

“Me three.” Seulgi grimaces but forces herself to finish the content. “I’m undoubtedly puking later, so I’m going to go off and find some nice dick before that happens. Tootles!”

You silently devise a plan involving bear traps and superglue as you threaten to bore a hole through the back of Seulgi’s head with a scorching glower as she blends into the crowd in search of her next friend with benefits, leaving you to deal with the most infamous lightweight of your friend group.

“You okay?” Ji-Eun questions curiously.

“I’m fucking fantastic.”

“Y/N, I love you.” You remain stone-faced as the drunk girl leans against you with her entire weight. “You’re always so good to me, and I love you for that. I’ll make it my mission in life to help you find a boyfriend, okay?”

Her arms are like spaghetti, and her knees knock together in an attempt to keep straight. The cup once clutched in her hands is now dumped in a random corner of the kitchen, but you shrug it off as Seojoon’s responsibility. He did make you terrible alcohol after all.

“Hyung, n-no, I’m not d-drunk.”

You momentarily glance up at the voice, suddenly blanking out at the figures slowly approaching your corner of the room.

“Oh God, please turn around, please turn around.” You desperately pray as they inch closer.

Much like your situation, Taehyung struggles to hold his unmistakably intoxicated friend – Jungkook or something along those lines – in an upright position. He mutters angry words that were inaudible to you into Jungkook’s ear, but the boy keeps trying to shove Taehyung away.

“I w-wanna go party-y!” He hiccups. “They’re p-playing beer p-pong without me.”

Jungkook twists his body to make a run for the living room, but his own clumsy feet send him back to square one in his friend’s arms. You can see Taehyung roll his eyes as he hauls Jungkook’s heavy body towards the row of chairs where you’re forced into cuddling an equally drunk Ji-Eun.

Taehyung fails to recognize you until your uncomfortable shifting in your chair lets out a shrill squeak. When his gaze settles on you, you notice that his entire body freezes. Heat rushes to your body as his eyes trail over you in a bizarre manner – almost as if he’s scanning you to make sure that you’re actually there and not just a figment of his imagination.

Before you can muster up the courage to utter one phrase to the boy, he turns to the side to tend to Jungkook who’s stuck mumbling and drooling, much like a newborn baby. There’s an itch in the pit of your stomach that begins to bother you more than you’d expected it to. You feel an obligation to say something over to Taehyung – at least something along the lines of “Drunk friends, am I right?” – but you decide to push aside whatever tempts you to say something.

Between the choices of not saying anything and not having Taehyung know who you are or uttering your sentence and making a complete fool of yourself, you’d prefer the latter by a long shot.

“Um…is she okay?”

Your head shoots up in surprise. Taehyung allows his friend to lay on his side across the row of chairs, taking up the entire space while he’s forced to cram his body onto the tiny chair a seat away. Your gaze trickles down to Ji-Eun who mirrors Jungkook perfectly, completely passed out and drooling away on your lap like there’s no tomorrow.

“She will be.” You abruptly clear your throat. “She’s always like this at parties, so it’s nothing new.”

Taehyung nods in agreement. “Same, I’m always stuck watching over all my friends which is why I didn’t really want to go to this party in the first place.”

“Ugh, same!” You groan as you cradle your forehead with a palm. “My friend Seulgi’s no help either. She’s probably off choking on dick in one of the guest rooms right now while I’m stuck here on babysitter duty for someone older than me, for fuck’s sake.”

When Taehyung answers with an awkward cough, you’re hit with the sudden realization that maybe you shouldn’t be so open with a complete stranger, even if that stranger is Kim Taehyung who you’ve had a crush on for years now.

Just a thought.

“Sorry…” You force out a laugh, sounding uncannily like a robot. “You probably don’t want to hear about that.”

“No worries.” Taehyung shakes his head. “My friend Jimin’s the same way. In fact, I think that’s them over there.”

You squint your eyes in the direction that Taehyung points towards. When you finally catch onto the sight, you instantly wish you hadn’t.

There, practically undressing each other in the middle of the dance floor with their tongues curled one another, is Seulgi and Jimin.

“Yup, time for me to burn my eyeballs.”

Taehyung giggles at the horror in your eyes, throwing you overboard into a sea of useless emotions. The worst part of it is that he’s not even trying – that’s just how he is.

‘Ugh, pretty boys.’

“You’re telling me.” Taehyung cringes. “But that’s not the worst situation I’ve caught Jimin in, so I guess we’re spared this time.”

“H-hey.” A voice hiccups from below.

You both direct your attention to Jungkook who points a shaky finger towards you.

“You l-look familiar…” The boy slurs. “Have I seen you before?”

“Nope.” You answer with a shrug. “School, perhaps?”

“N-no.” He hiccups again. “Are you a Y-Youtuber?”

‘Not exactly, kiddo.’

Instead, you reply with another shake of your head. He opens his mouth as if to ask another question, but even uttering a complete sentence proves too difficult a task for Jungkook to complete. With a slurred humph, he slumps against the row of chairs again with his head resting on Taehyung’s right thigh.

“Sorry about him.” Taehyung mutters apologetically. “He rarely drinks, but when he does, this happens.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You smile politely. “That makes two of us.”

Five minutes into a conversation with Taehyung, and you’re scared of falling back into the dreaded Awkward Silence. If only Seulgi was here to save you, but she’s probably too busy giving Park Jimin the suck of a lifetime while you’re floundering to save your conversation with the cutest boy in school.

You’re suddenly thrown back into the image of you as a shy middle schooler, silently crushing on the cheery tiger hybrid in Mrs. Lee’s classroom across the hall. Those were the days before you discovered the wonders of makeup and Moroccan oil and when you would sit in the corner of the lunchroom with your eyes glued on a certain boxy smile as he laughs with his best friends and the rest of the popular kids. The lasting memory of you in his mind was probably the Kindergarten Incident with you crying on the playground after your mother dropped you off in the morning. You long to change his perception and show him who you are now, flaws and all, but you have no idea where to begin.

Curse you and your inability to socialize.

You take your time scanning through the room for a potential lifesaver or topic to blab about to make yourself look semi-interesting to Taehyung. You go to blow away a strand of hair that falls into your vision, unaware of the pair of eyes watching you softly.

Taehyung holds back the urge to brush the troublesome strand from your skin and place a gentle kiss where it used to lay.

“Hey, do you…” Taehyung choking on his words cause you to turn towards him with a raised eyebrow.

“Do I…” You trail off.

Taehyung pales as he forces the words from his mouth in an awkward splurge of word vomit.

‘It’s now or never, Kim.’

“Doyoumaybewanttogohavesomefunonourown?”  

Taehyung could almost die at your stoic appearance. Nothing in your eyes or your smile (lack thereof) gives him any clue into the thoughts churning around your brain. Just as he’s ready to give up and find an excuse to escape with a sloppy Jungkook in tow, you begin to giggle.  

Now, Taehyung’s 99.9% sure he’s about to die.

A smile plays at the side of your lip. “Alright, Kim. I second that notion. But first, let’s go find some beds for these guys first.”

It takes you roughly 10 minutes to scour the house for either Jennie or Jisoo, eventually finding the latter hanging around the poolside with Soyeon and Chaeyoung. You thank a higher power for the Kim girls’ wealth from part-time modeling that allows them to buy a house with more than one guest room. After accidentally opening up occupied rooms and getting more than a couple dick flashes, Taehyung and you finally find two empty rooms that are decently far away from the loud chattering and music blaring throughout the house. Quickly, you plop Ji-Eun down onto the soft comforter of the bed and turn her on her side, shoving a trashcan beside the bed just in case that night’s menu decides to make an appearance when she wakes up.

“All set?” Taehyung asks, a hint of hopefulness in his voice. You brush it off as wishful thinking.  

“We’re finally free.” You beam with a wide grin.

Taehyung sends you a soft smile before grabbing your wrist to pull you downstairs and into the kitchen for drinks. Seojoon eyes you carefully as you approach, curious as to your sudden acquaintance with Mr. Kim Taehyung. He knows a little bit about your not-so-little crush but holds back his questions for another time; however, it’s completely obvious that he’s holding back from making a crude sex joke in front of the two of you.

“Enjoy, you crazy kids.” Seojoon winks, sending a flood of embarrassment to your cheeks.

Taehyung eyes Seojoon with a subtle glare, one that you barely notice but one that Seojoon senses immediately. You’re none the wisest towards the display of dominance, but Seojoon notices it all – from the way Taehyung subtly puffs up his chest to the growing feral glint in his eyes.

“Kiss my ass, Park.” You hiss when you snatch the cups away from Seojoon’s fingers.

“Gladly, sweetheart.” Seojoon purrs back without missing a beat.

It takes all of Taehyung’s inner strength to force his irritation down to an unnoticeable level of annoyance. Even then, his bad mood is still visible to anyone who dares to look closer. After grabbing your drinks from an amused Seojoon, you begin to guide Taehyung out of the kitchen to head back upstairs.

With your back turned, Taehyung chances a dangerous snarl at Seojoon. The older raises a hand up in surrender, but the aggression does nothing to deter Seojoon. If anything, it just makes him even more pleased than before.

Oh, how he can’t wait until you finally become a couple.

“Sorry about him.” You apologize meekly as you two head onto the balcony connected to an empty guest room in the farthest part of the house. “Seojoon can be a little annoying when you first meet him, but he’s actually not that bad.”

“Ha, you’re telling me.” Taehyung mutters annoyedly.

Before you can question Taehyung’s irritation, he’s already chugging half the cup’s contents down his throat. You hold back your disgust for the taste as you follow in Taehyung’s footsteps and gulp down the fiery alcohol. You’ve already developed a small buzz from your first round of drinks, but you feel yourself slip into a more relaxed state with your second.

“So, Miss Y/N…” You lazily turn your head. “Tell me a little about yourself.”

The two of you rest your elbows on top of the balcony railing, inviting the cool autumn breeze to blow across your skin and through your hair with a gentle caress. The party music is muffled behind the glass door of the balcony, but you can still feel the bass thumping within your chest. You hum for a moment as you rack your brain for something, anything interesting to say.

“There’s not really that much about me.” You shrug. “I’ve lived here most of my life, and I plan on leaving once school’s over to explore the rest of the world. My two best friends are Seulgi and Ji-Eun, just not tonight...and that’s all to me really. I guess I’m just an open book with a little too many blank pages in-between.”

Taehyung nudges his elbow to your side. “Ah, there’s more to you than that. Surely, you like to do fun things. Unless you’re one of those boring people whose favorite show is Jeopardy and likes to go to the mall just to walk around.”

“Hey, Jeopardy is a great show, Mr. I-Have-The-Mental-Capacity-Of-A-Walnut.” You retort jokingly.

Taehyung laughs wholeheartedly at your teasing jab. “Okay then, fair enough. I’ll take your word for it.”

The moon beams down on your figures as you continue to chatter about random topics and sip on your disgusting drinks with only a small grimace. Little by little, you learn more about Taehyung’s passions in life and what he wants to do after graduation while he learns more about your friendships with Seulgi and Ji-Eun and all the horror stories from freshman year. You share giggles and playful nudges as if you’ve been friends for decades.

Every sip from your cup sends a tingly buzz that fills you from your head down to the tips of your toes. Your bright eyes grow lazy with a familiar drunken glaze, and you find yourself leaning a little closer into Taehyung’s side.

It’s when you finally make eye contact with Taehyung that he makes the first move.

Your bodies move in an almost fluid yet messy choreography, your lips latching onto one another in utter desperation. Taehyung quickly parts your mouth with his tongue to finally taste the hidden sweetness hidden within. His large, veiny hands slip down from the sides of your face to clutch your hips against his body, forcing your hands to rest against his broad chest.

“Want to go inside?” He pants when you eventually separate for a breath.

“Please.” You whine urgently.

You squeak in surprise as he grips your body with one arm while the other slams open the balcony door leading into the guest room. In a blink of an eye, Taehyung drops you onto the comforter and frantically suctions his lips to your jawline, creating soft marks on your supple skin and kneading the soft flesh near your inner thighs. You bite back a moan as his lips trail down your neck and towards the cleavage of your top.

“Take this fucking thing off.”

Without missing a beat, he rips your top over your head and returns his mouth to the valley between your breasts. Taehyung’s pleasantly surprised at your braless form, and he can’t help but brush a thumb across before replacing it with his tongue.  

“T-Tae…” You sigh airily as he circles around your nipple, drawing them to a hardened peak and leaving thin traces of saliva on your skin. “P-Please.”

“Relax.” He coos into your ear. “This is all for you. You just lay back and enjoy it, my little kitten.”

“I’ll enjoy it once you’re inside of me already.” You whisper coyly, your hands tracing down the curve of his spine and down towards his ass. “I want you to fill my pretty pussy up with your come already.”

With one look into his frenzied pupils, you shrink into yourself as though you’re some meager prey hybrid with a bloodthirsty predator chasing after you.

Oh, how you love it.

He peppers a series of small kisses down your stomach, his movements slower than before. He wants to make you feel as frustrated as he does whenever he watches your videos and yearns to reach through the screen to feel your body against his.

However, with the real thing’s in front of him, his biological urge to mount you and pump you full of his kittens starts to overpower his original plans of taking things slow.

“Fuck, you smell so good, baby.” Taehyung groans as your excitement seeps through the fabric of your jeans. “I can’t wait to taste this sweet little pussy. My little kitten’s been waiting so long for me.”

Your muddled thoughts fail to form into coherent words as Taehyung’s tongue slides across from the top of your pelvis and down towards your core drenched in your excitement. He relishes in your whiny moans at the ticklish flicks he gives your swollen clit, noting cockily how your nails grasp at the bedsheets with reckless abandon and how your toes curl in delight at the warmth filling your bloodstream.

“Are you all wet just for me, kitten?” Taehyung murmurs, cheeks completely soaked from your excitement. “You taste so good, baby. So sweet.”

“Y-Yes, I’m all wet just f-for you, baby.” You whimper as his tongue licks larger stripes against you. “P-Please, Tae, I want you.”

“Want me where?” Teasing you is quickly becoming his new favorite pastime.

“I-Inside. Please, I want to feel all of you.”

“Isn’t that a little too easy?” Taehyung clicks his tongue as he wipes away the excess slick from his chin.

He holds in his shudder when you pull his hand towards you to envelope the come-stained fingers inside your mouth, moaning in delight as you taste yourself.

“I-I think I n-need something in return before your little pussy can earn its treat.”

Taehyung is quick to unbutton his jeans and shrug them along with his boxers onto the bedroom floor. The tip of his cock drips small strings of pre-come onto the sheets, reddened and sensitive to the touch. You quickly discover this when your small fingers reach forward to briefly tease around the head with the pad of your thumb.

“Open up, sweetheart.” Taehyung bites down onto his lip as he guides the first two inches inside your awaiting mouth.

You moan at the salty taste that you’ve grown to love that coats your tongue, sucking lightly for the first few seconds before hollowing your cheeks and applying more pressure with every stroke. Taehyung hisses as your mouth sinks even deeper, nearly driving the head into the back of your throat.

“You’re so good to me, huh?” Taehyung lets out a low moan when he feels you hum in agreement, sending vibrations across the sensitive head of his cock. “Does my baby deserve to be fucked now?”

Your watery eyes connect with Taehyung’s as you choke on the smooth length. Suddenly, you feel miniscule and powerless underneath his lustful gaze, but you welcome the degradation wholeheartedly.  

“Turn around, baby.” Taehyung grunts as he slips himself from your mouth. “I want to see your tight little ass when I fuck this little pussy open.”

He props you up on your elbows with your back arched as far as you can go. There’s a slight pressure in your lower back as you present yourself to him, but the discomfort is nothing compared to the uncontrollable need to finally be fucked by Taehyung. He admires the sight of your awaiting pussy, completely soaked with your come and swollen from his relentless ministrations on your sensitive bud.  

You draw out a long mewl when you feel the tip nudge your seam before pushing inside, clenching hard as he continues to bottom out.

Oh, how he loves it.  

“Fuck, baby, you’re so tight.” Taehyung chuckles lowly as he begins a steady yet hard-hitting pace. “You’re making Daddy proud. His kitten’s taking his cock so well, don’t you agree?”

You smother your face into a pillow to muffle your cries, not wanting someone barging in during the fuck of your lifetime. With every hard thrust, your pussy sucks him back inside with a lewd squelch, desperate to hold him there whenever he tries to retract. His fingers are sure to leave marks on your skin in the morning from the way he’s grasping your hips for dear life. .

You fuck yourself almost every week, and yet you’re still the tiniest hole Taehyung’s ever had the pleasure of fucking. It entices him to continue his thrusts, in hopes of absolutely ruining you and filling you to the brim with his seed. His mind floods with images of you overflowing with come, carrying his potential kittens deep within and yet, still demanding for more.

This daydream alone has Taehyung stuttering in his movements and nearly blowing his load before you can squeeze around him in your own mind-melting pleasure. You have to come first, and Taehyung would be damned if he ruins that for you by acting like a pubescent boy who came in less than a minute to his very first porn video.

“Taehyung…” You cry pathetically. “T-Touch me.”

He’s quick to follow your orders, rubbing at the bundle of nerves between your legs with two wet fingertips and earning a sharp “F-fuck, Daddy!” in response. Your body threatens to curl inward, and you force yourself to grip onto the pillowcase instead of onto Taehyung’s thigh to force him to fuck you even harder.

He wants to feel you absolutely fall apart with his cock splitting you open – and fall apart, you do.

A surprised hiss escapes the tiger hybrid as you spasm underneath his body, your euphoric release dribbling onto the sheets below. Your claws that unsheathed a second before your orgasm have shredded through a good portion of the pillowcase you buried your face into. It’s not long until Taehyung’s hips lose their rhythm and suddenly, you’re filled with copious amounts of his warm seed.

All for you.  

“F-fuck, kitten, you made Daddy come so much.” He admires the sight of your completely battered pussy as he goes to pull out, stuffed to the brim with his seed that slowly starts dripping out. “Stuffed full of Daddy’s kittens. Such a good girl.”

You sigh in relaxed pleasure as he starts cleaning around your entrance with a skilled tongue, a strong hand massaging each cheek. There’s something satisfying about the fact that Taehyung’s tasting himself which seduces you into pushing through the overstimulation by twisting your hips in tight circles to aid him in his taste test.

“You little—” He laughs as he lands a light smack to an ass cheek. He groans internally at how it jiggles under the force, drawing a tiny moan from you and a string of come that seeps from your used pussy and down your thighs.  

Before he can treat himself to another taste, you flip over and grab at his neck. “My turn.”

Taehyung nearly falls forward on his face when you connect your lips together, your tongue sliding through for a mixture of your releases. They’re still both salty and bitter on your palate, but you’ve gotten used to the taste by now. If anything, Taehyung makes it taste even better.

As you sink further into the mattress deep in the kiss, Taehyung lifts himself up to pull you onto your side. You let out a tiny squeal at the sudden shift in position, especially when his lips tickle the crook of your neck with a trail of wet kisses.

“Now, sleep.” Taehyung kisses your cheek before nuzzling his face into the back of your neck.

“Weirdo.” You purr groggily before succumbing to the inevitable fatigue that seeps into your bones and muscles.

Once you’re deep in sleep, Taehyung leans closer for a better glimpse of your face. Your skin’s still flushed red and sweaty, but you still look like an angel in Taehyung’s eyes. The entire room smells of come and sweat, but he can still sense your unique sweet scent of your skin, and it pains him to hold himself back from tasting some more. The stress that wrinkles your brow is smoothed out and replaced with a peaceful expression, one he sees quite often during your streams after you finally fall back down from your high.

Taehyung is finally brought back to reality when his ears pick up incessant cheering from drunk patrons outside by the poolside accompanied by loud EDM blaring from the outdoor speakers. He ignores them all with an exasperated wrinkle of the nose, and instead he chooses to savor in the warmth radiating from your body that just so happens to fit perfectly against his own – just like pieces of a jagged puzzle.  

Taehyung smiles. You’re finally in his arms, and he doesn’t want to let go.