#would have been a dream come true and everything I wanted from this verse

[the-tarot-witch22]

Your first kiss with your future spouse 💋 - Pick a pile

*Note : Some language and se*ual message too so minors DNI*

Pile 1/ Pile 2

Pile 3/ Pile 4

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Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!

Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!

How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to! You can choose more than one pile, it just means both pile have messages for you!

I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!

Pile 1:

(The cards I got for you - 6 of swords, 4 of swords, Ace of wands, The lovers)

Okay so the first thing i felt was very romantic, like you would be waiting for him to make the very first move and, the first kiss will be around buildings and a very clear sky, a place where there is not so many people around you, a tourist place, but it will be quite magical you would not want to stop at all like just keep going, you both will be waiting for this moment for very long, for some of you i saw a vision where you both would be holding eye contact with each other and just you lean forward at same time, smile and presses your lips on each other, it will be quite passionate unlike any other kiss you have had, for some of you it will be the very first time, the kiss will make you feel all sorts of emotions, take you to other place, just like another verse, that's how much you would love it, for some of you i see there will be some tension around you like you are contemplating talking discussing and you will be venting and here he will come and just presses his lips on yours and you smile and kiss back, a very sweet moment between you both honestly, I also see for some of you, you guys could be in some sort of restaurant, and hospital or airport you would be so happy to see each other you just both lose yourself in each other, you would feel at home very safe when you kiss them, I also heard " i have been dying to this, thank you for making me the happiest person in the world", the kiss between you both will also be very quite sensual like the atmosphere would be set your future spouse would be planning to kiss you from the very moment but they will hold back, after your kiss i also feel you will melt in each other's embrace, forgetting everyone and everything just the two of you , I also heard "baby, it's us against the world, and if the world is against you, i am against the world", they are so romantic, The kiss will be a very divinely period for you both, Like this was supposed to happen sooner or later type of thing, the kiss will make you feel on the cloud nine.

Honestly? cutest! even i am feeling all lovey-dovey right now, good for you my pile 1! I am so happy for you!

Pile 2:

(The cards I got for you - Nine of cups, The magician, The hermit and the queen of swords)

Okay so the very first thing i felt from this pile was nervous and shy energy as well as the kiss would be very manifested, like you wanted to do this in forever with your future spouse, you might not have had a good first kiss or some of you might even regret doing it or wasting it on someone, for some of you like pile you are still haven't kissed anyone or waiting for the right person if you also feel connected to pile 1 do see it as well it might have some messages for you! Okay so the first kiss between you both could be on wedding day, some people here have a very good self control, or when where you will be celebrating a win and you kiss your future spouse because you just feel so happy with each other, like you are grateful for them being with you, your first kiss could be a dream come true, like everything you have ever desired or wanted, a literal fairytale, I also feel you will be planning your first kiss with them for a very long time and when it finally happens you would be the happiest person ever, I also see lots of giggles it could be you, because as i said a literal dream kiss, Okay so i see a vision where you just when kiss each other, feel so lost like wow, never thought a kiss could feel like it, the atmosphere would have greenery, or it might be also be raining or a windy day for some of you, like as I said a literal dream come true for you both, you won't be regretting it at all, but i also feel you guys be quite nervous after like if they liked it, but spoiler they will love it no matter if you were not good at first try they would cherish the moment of you to kiss them, for some of you the area could be surrounded by water, a beautiful place, i heard "bali", maybe you have your first kiss there, or somewhere with water surrounding the area, I also feel some of you could be taking minty fresh breath, so you guys don't feel self conscious, no matter what your future spouse will love it, i also feel your fs will be the one to initiate the kiss or giving you eyes and finally have the courage to go for it!, some of you will be spending this moment at home with them and that's when you greet them with the kiss, for some of you this pile could be very logical and intellectual, do think with their mind so the very first move from them will melt you, you guys would be enjoying this moment a lot, you both will, this will be your first time feeling this way, you guys could also be full of nerves but a kiss with them will ease everything the stress, the worries. I heard "just be you", i love that.

wow pile 2 your fs is quite a romantic, and you could do the embarrassing thing with them and they will still adore the freak outta you! love that!

Pile 3:

(The cards I got for you - 2 of cups, 3 of pentacles, judgement and king of wands)

Okay so for some of you guys it could be you making the first move, like they are taking so much time and you are so tired and you just kiss them on whim they would be first very shocked but will kiss you back with same intensity, it could be a dream come true for both of you, especially you guys, i also feel very balanced or masculine energy from this pile whoever is reading it, for some of you the first kiss is cosmic like fireworks, sparks everywhere you just feel like "wow" so is this how it supposed to feel type of vibe. You both will be focusing on each other a lot, and for some of you, you will be doing it in early period of relationship, i also see a alleyway, like kind of deserted and you kiss him while put your hands in his sweatshirt, and he pins you against the wall and say "my turn, sweetheart", the first kiss between you both will be emotional as well as passionate, very sexual too, like you have been craving for each other, some of you could be doing or filming it, for a memory for you and your kids to watch, i also feel he will be smiling a lot against your lips, like smirking, which will make you weak in your knees, like damn it, bro give me a ice shower right now so fucking sweet, for some of you the first kiss could be in the work place, educational place, like unusual place for sure like a sweet peck, which will leave you wanting more, it will be a very new experience for you i also feel your future spouse will be touching your lips a lot or looking at them, with them you would be left with no worries, this is the kiss you deserved to have with your future spouse, you will see the difference when it happens, some of you could be quite spiritual in this pile, or starting to go into spirituality, you would not be worrying for anything when this finally happens with your future spouse, for some of you he could be taking charge and catching you off guard with your kiss, "like enough, i need to taste you" is what i hear. Definitely hungry for you.

Pile 3 you guys are quite hungry for each other, love that, love to see you guys in control <3

Pile 4:

(The cards I got for you - knight of swords, 2 of wands, knight of wands and knight of cups)

Okay so very few of you not EVERYONE but few of you could have their first kiss by someone from kindergarten? like i see two kids one kissed other one of their cheek it was so random but i need to write it out for you guys, might mean something for you guys, so random. But anyways let's start, For some of you be having an argument or disagreement and they shut you with kiss which will lead to a kiss and then sex time for you both, lol, they are quite naughty for you like would just go for it, i also heard "let's do this", "i have waited so long for you, darling", mhm they are feeling quite emotional, and just wants to be with you now, I also feel when you kiss for the first time you guys could be having conversation, intense deep talks, your future spouse would be doing his best to make you feel very comfortable with them and then they make you feel so at ease, and then they make the move towards, okay so i see a vision where they put, hand behind your neck, pulls you close, while you both are breathing hard, chests heaving up and down, and they tease you with nibble on your lips, they kiss you hard seductively, I also feel many of you could be using their tongues, SO FREAKING HOT, gosh, then they pull you in them whisper something in your ear and continue to make you feel good, I also feel in the heat of moment they could be touching your waist, caressing every part of you, i am also hearing lots of heavy breathing, no wonder its SO HOT in here, they will be exploring every part of your mouth your body , they will kiss your neck too give you hickey and just not let you go hold you so tight in their arms, just mm. They are also quite a gentleman and chivalrous person who has been planning to do this for you with who knows how long, for some of you this will happen in amusement park, or on a first date with them, the kiss would be quite emotional yet loving, very balanced.

OMG guys i am so in love, so happy you guys would be experiencing that! you deserve that <3

Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3

[imagine-you]

all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me [Logan/Reader]

Summary: Sequel to won't somebody come take me home? and closer to where I started. Now that you've decided to put the past behind you, you're focused solely on what the future holds for you, Logan, and your family. Whether that means teaming up with the X-Men to help stop the escalated attacks around the city or sitting down for a nice dinner with Logan, Laura, and Wade, you're ready for all of it. You're so close to being completely happy until you find yourself a victim of one of the attacks and find out that someone from Logan's universe has managed to return. You never expected your new life to be easy, but you certainly never thought Logan's wife would show up and disrupt everything you had built for yourself. Word Count: 9k Author's Note: This chapter may contain: Angst, Reader Whump, Surprise Cameos, Angst, A New Villain, A Disrupted Villain Origin Story, Training Montages, Angst, A Smidge of Hope, Illusions, and…Angst. (but I swear the angst gets resolved. y'all have to trust me!! there will be a happy ending for this fic.)

When I'm With You I'm Home 'verse

won't somebody come take me home? // closer to where I started

Read on AO3

If anyone had told you while you were stuck in the Void that there was a future where you found yourself in another universe and your greatest wish had come true, then you would have chalked it up to a pipe dream and left it at that. If anyone had told you there was a future where your worst nightmare had come true, well then, that would've been easier to believe.  

"What are you making?" Laura asked, peering over your shoulder to get a look at the stove.  

"Something special," you told her, winking at her when she let out an impatient huff. "Steak and pasta," you clarified, turning your attention back to where you were spooning sauce over the steaks, hoping the flavor carried through for you.  

After getting back from your original universe, you had felt like the weight of the past had been lifted off your shoulders. You didn't give a fuck about your original Logan and as far as you were concerned, he could fuck off into whatever happy existence he wanted with Jean. Did you want them to suffer? Maybe. But it was no longer a requirement for you to heal.  

Your Logan had made sure of that.  

Now, weeks had passed, and you felt like a new person. Gone was the obsession with the past and in its place was now your excitement for the future.  

Your future with Logan and Laura and even Wade. Your future with a new family and a new team. Life hadn’t given you a moment of rest, but you were happy to know that when your back was against the wall, you had people ready to jump in and protect you from whatever hit came your way.  

All of you had spent the last couple of weeks wrapped up in the escalated attacks happening throughout the city. There weren't many indicators about who exactly was causing them. Half the time, there were explosions and other times it was just an outright slaughter.  

Logan and Wade were out trying to help the X-Men clean up the latest catastrophe. You had opted to stay home with Laura, taking a moment of well-deserved rest from running from one tragedy to the next. Logan had left you with a promise to return that evening and a kiss that hinted at more later.  

You thought it was cute how Logan kept insisting he was retired, but the first sign of trouble, and he couldn't help but jump right in. It was why you loved him, because even though he had spent years spiraling after the devastation he faced with his old life, he still couldn't help but try to make things better for others.  

You liked to think you had a little something to do with that.  

Even though you were just within reach from a perfect existence, you knew it still wasn't without its problems. You and Logan still had a lot of work to do. Both of you were still holding things close to the chest, afraid to show them and lose everything you had earned.  

Sometimes, you caught Logan simply watching you, wary and concerned, as if he thought you were about to leave him. Other times, when Logan woke in the middle of the night and reached for you, you wondered if he knew it was you or if he still held onto the memory of his wife, seeking her for comfort. Logan had been open and honest with you, but you sometimes got the feeling that he wasn't telling you everything. Some nights, when you couldn't sleep, you would lie awake and watch him, terrified that if given the chance he would leave you in a heartbeat for his old life.  

You always had the feeling like the other shoe was about to drop, so you had taken on the mentality that you were going to enjoy every day you got with him. Which was why you were hellbent on making the perfect dinner and having the perfect dessert all ready to go when he got back home. 

"Shit," you hissed when you started stirring together the ingredients for the pasta sauce. "I forgot one thing," you groaned, glancing over at Laura. "I've got to go out to grab something. Will you keep an eye on this for me? Just make sure it doesn't burn," you instructed her when Laura gifted you with a skeptical look. 

"What if it burns?" Laura wondered, reaching out to take the spoon from you when you handed it to her.  

"Then we'll order takeout," you answered with a shrug of your shoulders. "It won't be a big deal, but I still want to try to get this right," you told her, reaching out to flick her ear. 

Laura turned a glare on you, and you knew if you were anyone else, she would have already brought out her claws. You saw a fond smile take the place of her scowl before she shook her head. "Hurry," she urged you, turning a wary look at the stove.  

"Ten minutes," you promised, reaching out to grab your keys and wallet. "Just going down to the corner store." You saw Laura open her mouth and you knew what she was going to ask. "Yes, I'll get the cookies," you told her, thinking of the chocolate monstrosities she was so obsessed with lately.  

Laura grinned at you, pleased, and cautiously began to stir the sauce.  

You locked the apartment door behind you. You knew Laura was more than capable of taking care of herself and she had already been through hell and back, but you couldn't help but want to protect her in every way you could. She was still a kid, even if she would point out she was seventeen.  

You made it to the tiny market just around the corner from your apartment within four minutes. You were eager to get back and finish dinner. You couldn't wait to see the look on Logan's face when you had dinner all set up and told him that Laura even helped make it. You knew Wade would invite himself to dinner, so you would of course have extra just for him. You knew you wouldn’t be here without him, and while he drove you crazy, you now couldn’t imagine your life without him in it.  

You were a family, fucked up and weird, but full of love.  

You grabbed the cookies Laura wanted and searched for a can of black olives. You caught sight of the spices and started in that direction to see if there was anything extra you wanted to add to the sauce. You figured you had maybe five minutes to get back before Laura insisted she did everything she could to salvage dinner, but maybe you should just order pizza.  

You were reaching out to grab a bottle of parsley flakes when you noticed something pass right in front of you. You startled at the sight of the playing card, faintly glowing pink, as it sailed towards the shelves in front of you.  

You didn't even have time to prepare before the card landed and the shelves exploded. You brought your arms up, trying to shield your face from the shrapnel. The force of the blast was strong enough to throw you back into the shelves behind you. You felt your head connect with the edge of one the shelves and stars exploded in your vision.  

There was a ringing in your ears and the taste of blood in your mouth. Your head felt like it was spinning as you struggled to open your eyes, not even sure when you had closed them.  

You could hear footsteps approaching you and you managed to squint up at the person standing in front of you. Your gaze drifted from his boots to his trench coat and then up to his eyes. They were glowing a faint red.  

"Remy?" You groaned, reaching up to press a hand to your forehead. You blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of what was going on. You looked at your fingers and they were stained red, blood coating them. Your face was stinging from the bits of shrapnel you hadn’t been able to shield yourself from and the back of your head was aching in a way you had never felt before.  

Remy crouched down in front of you. He reached out and tucked his fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him. "Now, I know we've never met before, so how is it you know my name?" He turned your head one way and then the other, considering you for a brief moment, before he made a thoughtful noise. "Oh, but believe me, we're going to get to know each other real well, bon ami. Just you wait." His eyes were no longer glowing, but there was a devious look in them you didn't like.  

You attempted to sit up, but your vision swam and you felt like you were going to throw up. “What the hell are you doing?” You attempted to ask, but your words were slurred, and you were having a hard time concentrating on him even though he was right in front of you.  

"Let's get you home, hm?" Remy said, gathering you up in his arms. He stood, lifting you with him, and you tried to wriggle out of his hold, but he was clutching you tightly enough that you couldn’t move.  

The last thing you saw was the underside Remy's jaw and the blur of the ceiling tiles above you before darkness swept in to collect you.  

You woke to sunlight that had escaped past the curtains in your bedroom and crept right towards you. It was an unwelcome intrusion and you brought your hand up to shield your eyes.  

You groaned, forcing yourself to sit up, before squinting at your surroundings. Your head was aching, each pound of your heart sending a bolt of pain right behind your eyes. You didn’t remember drinking the night before or even crawling into bed, but it felt like the worst hangover you had ever experienced. 

"Fuck," you grumbled before forcing yourself out of bed. Logan seemed to already be up, and you wondered if he had liked your dinner the night before. There was something wrong, something off, but you didn't know what it was yet. You were having trouble thinking past the pain.  

You walked towards your bedroom door, intent on hunting down the bottle of painkillers you kept in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. You tried to think about what happened before you fell asleep and finally your memories came back to you in a dizzying rush.  

Making dinner, leaving Laura in charge, and locking the door behind you. Going to the store, a playing card that ending in an explosion, and Remy promising to take you home.  

"I had the weirdest dream," you muttered as you stumbled out into the living room. The pain in your head spiked with every footstep and your mouth was so dry your tongue felt like it was sticking to the roof of your mouth.  

The first thing you noticed was that Logan was sitting at the kitchen table and the second was that he wasn't alone. You froze just a few feet away from the table trying to make sense of what was in front of you.  

Because Logan was there in his usual seat at the table and he had his hand outstretched over the surface. His hand was clutching the stranger's like a lifeline and he looked as if the person in front of him had just saved him from his own personal torment.  

You slowly rounded the table, a twisting feeling of dread in your gut, as you got a look at the stranger.  

It was you.  

Well, not you. She had a scar crossing one of her eyes and her hair was a different color. She carried herself with more confidence, her shoulders not slumped and head held high. She was wearing the same yellow and blue X-Men suit you first saw your Logan in when you were trapped in the Void.  

But she was still undeniably you. Just a variant you could have been in another universe.  

"What?" You felt helpless as you looked to her and then to Logan. Pain had been overtaken by confusion and now you felt like you were going to pass out for an entirely different reason. "What's going on?" 

"My wife," Logan said, finally tearing his gaze away from her to look at you. "She's back. A portal opened up last night and she walked right through it." His voice was filled with incredulous awe, and it felt like there was a knife digging into your chest. Your breath hitched and you tried to push past the feeling being carved out right where your heart resided.  

You didn't think it could get any worse until you noticed the look of pure love and adoration he gifted her. You had only ever seen that look aimed at you and seeing it given so freely to someone else had you clenching your fists at your sides, anger washing over you.  

"So, what?" You snapped, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of your tone. "She's just going to live here now? We'll all be one big happy family?" You didn't want to fight anyone for Logan's attention. Not again. Not after what happened with Jean in your other universe. You couldn't lose again. You wouldn't.  

Logan stared up at you before he finally looked back at his wife. "We're still married," he pointed out, brushing his thumb gently over the wedding ring on his wife's hand. "And she was my first love," he continued, twisting the knife deeper and deeper. "I'm sorry, but I can't leave her again." 

You watched the couple in front of you, frozen in that moment. Hurt and indecision rose within you and you felt trapped.  

"So, what does that mean for me?" Your voice sounded so small and scared that you almost didn't believe it was yours. You had never felt this way with your Logan before and you didn't know what to do.  

Logan finally tore his gaze away from his wife to look at you again.  

"I'm sorry, but now that I have her back...," he trailed off, letting you assume the rest for yourself. "You can stay until you find somewhere else to go," he offered, as if it was any consolation.  

You let out a hollow little laugh as you took a step away from him. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Logan, after everything you had been through together, was giving you up as if you meant nothing to him. The same ache and loneliness you felt back in your original universe was descending on you again. You thought you had put those feelings behind you, but now you were having to confront them again in the worst way.  

Because this Logan had loved you like the other one never had and this one had promised never to hurt you. But here he was, crushing any hope you had that this Logan would be different.  

You forced yourself to turn around, putting your back to them. You couldn't stand to look at them anymore.  

You were faced with Laura standing there in the doorway of the apartment. She was silent, watching you, and you had a sinking feeling in your gut that told you this wouldn't go your way either.  

"Laura, I--," you started as you approached her, not even sure where you would end up. "Do you want to come with me?" Was what you settled on, because evidently you couldn't stay here. You had been through so much with Laura. You had survived the Void together and fought together just to survive. Surely, that had to mean something to her. ‘Don’t leave me all alone,’ was what you wanted to beg, but you didn’t want Logan to have the satisfaction of seeing you brought down to your lowest point.  

Laura took a few steps forward and you wondered if she would meet you in the middle. Instead, she walked past you and stood at the table, joining Logan and his wife. "I can't lose him again," Laura said, echoing your thoughts. Except, Laura could stay and you had to go.  

You saw Logan's wife, the other you, the one he was choosing over you, reach out to flick Laura's ear. Instead of snapping at her, Laura turned a fond, soft smile on the other you and you felt another piece of your heart break.  

That was your thing with Laura and that should have been your smile. Logan's wife had swept in and cleared you out, leaving no room for you.  

You could feel the fight or flight instinct rising within you and you chose to get the hell out of there. It wasn't your home anymore, because someone had filled your role. You were no longer needed.  

You didn't even know where you were going to go, but you somehow found yourself right at Wade's doorstep. You brought your hand up to knock, terror and despair coursing through you.  

Wade answered the door in a suit and tie. You would have asked him what the hell was going on, but he didn't give you a chance to talk. He leaned on the doorframe, considering you with a grimace. "I thought you'd show up here after you found out." 

"You know?" You weren't sure why it felt like such a betrayal, but you always thought Wade would have had your back. Why didn't he track you down and warn you? Why had no one just given you some kind of heads up that you would be completely ousted from the life you had built for yourself with Logan? 

"Sure do, baby bird," Wade confirmed with a quick nod of his head. There was something off in his tone. This didn't feel like the same Wade you had come to know and reluctantly love. This almost felt like a stranger wearing a Wade mask. "I was there when she showed up. Just walked right out of that portal and into Logan's arms like she hasn't been dead for the past who knows how long." 

You hated that you could picture that perfectly, as if Wade's memory was playing out in your head.  

"Yeah, well, it looks like I'm not needed anymore now that he has who he really wants." You felt like an idiot for ever thinking you were more than just a placeholder for Logan's wife. You didn't want to cry in front of Wade, but you could feel the sting of tears in your eyes.  

Wade tilted his head to the side, watching you with an intensity that was almost unnerving. "So, what are you gonna do now?" 

"Can I stay here?" You tried, knowing that you couldn't go back to your apartment. You didn't want to ever step foot in there again, knowing that the bright, happy memories you had created were now tainted with misery.  

Wade brought his foot back, kicking the door to his apartment open enough for you to see Vanessa seated at the table. "No can do," Wade answered with a wince. "You see, I'm trying to win her back over and I'm already sharing a one bedroom apartment with Blind Al, so it's a little cramped around here. But hey, if you join the X-Men, it usually comes with free room and board. They'll take anyone," he got out on a laugh, before he waved his hand. "Well, except for me. You shoot one person," he lamented, shaking his head in disappointment. "Or, hey, I hear Love Island is casting. Might be time to find you a new boo." 

"So," you started, trying to reconcile the fact that you no longer had a home with Logan and now you couldn't find one either with Wade. "I can't stay here," you said, and it was no longer a question, it was just a fact of your new lonely, pathetic existence. 

There was something so off about everything that had happened that day and you were trying to make sense of all of it. You had just spent the night before making a special dinner for your family and now you didn't even have one.  

Everything was happening so fast that you felt like you weren’t even really processing it. Why hadn’t you just stayed at the apartment and fought for Logan? This was your life. Your home, your family, your love. Why were you just giving it all up so easily? You didn’t understand, but now you weren’t even sure you would be able to force yourself to go back. 

"No," Wade admitted, with a sheepish grin. "It's not only Vanessa, you see, but Logan. I mean, Deadpool and Wolverine are a package deal now. There's no breaking up that superhero wet dream team and if I'm harboring his ex? Then that'll just make it more awkward than the time I used his toothbrush on Dogpool. Trust me, he made me regret that one. There are some places those claws of his should not go," he warned with a shudder.  

Hearing Wade refer to you as Logan's ex broke something inside you. You could feel hurt begin to overwhelm you, swiftly replaced by anger. You let out a short, sharp scream of frustration. You didn't even realize you had formed a forcefield around you and pushed out with it until you realized Wade had been knocked several steps back.  

"Y/N--" Wade started, but you turned away from him.  

You didn't want to be placated and you didn't want to deal with anymore of Wade's nonsense. You let yourself go invisible, knowing that it was the only way you would feel safe now.  

You wandered around the neighborhood for hours, trying to figure out where you belonged. You trudged from street to street before unerringly finding your way back to your apartment complex once night fell. You didn't dare go inside, but you stayed out on the sidewalk. People passed by you, never knowing you were even there, and you kept your gaze up on the window that shone brightest in the dark.  

Logan was up there. He was with his wife and Laura and they were a family in their home enjoying a night together. You were no one with nothing and no home to share with anyone. 

You weren't sure why you stayed there for so long, but you thought it had something to do with hope and an inane wish that he would come downstairs and tell you it was all some sick joke. You thought of his promise that he would always find you, even when you were hidden, but that hadn't been true either.  

Logan was happy without you, because he had what he really wanted all along. So, why would he come find you when he didn't even need you anymore? 

Or worse, Logan knew you were down here and just didn't care about you anymore.  

With that revelation, you turned and walked away. There was a swirling mess of thoughts stuck in your head that dredged up the same old insecurities you thought you had shed once and for all.  

You would never be good enough. You were unloved. You didn't matter. You weren't worth anything. 

You had no one.  

You felt tears slide down your cheeks as you aimlessly roamed from place to place. You next found yourself outside the X-Mansion, wondering if you should take Wade's advice and join up with the X-Men. As much as you longed to feel like you belonged somewhere, you didn't think you could go back to saving people with a smile on your face like you weren't slowly withering inside.  

There was a whisper of your name on the air. You glanced over your shoulder, looking to see who called your name, but you found no one. It had been so faint that you might have imagined it, but there was a feeling, an electrified touch, that had briefly set your nerves alight.  

You weren't sure what time it was, but you were exhausted. You found it pathetic and sad that you didn't have anywhere to go. You didn't even have money for a hotel room. All you could think to do was find a park and drop down onto a bench. At the very least, you knew you could protect yourself if anyone tried to attack you.  

You formed a forcefield around you, ignoring the fact that it would only slip away while you slept, and let yourself drift away.  

When you woke, you weren't alone. You jolted in place, suddenly wide awake, and scrambled to sit up. On the bench across from yours, a man was sitting reading a newspaper.  

He quirked an eyebrow at you when he realized he had your attention.  

"I was wondering when you would wake up," he said, lowering the newspaper.  

He had dark eyes and darker hair. He wore a suit with a black trench coat, but the illusion of a businessman was ruined by the combat boots he was wearing. His skin was pale and there was a faint ring of red around his eyes that had you wondering if he was wearing makeup. His appearance, oddly enough, seemed false, but the grin on his face was genuine, if a bit unsettling.  

"Were you watching me?" You couldn't help but wonder, half-torn between becoming invisible to make your escape and staying to get answers.  

"Yes," he answered, unashamed by his actions. "I thought it fascinating that someone would let you stay out here all alone. You don't deserve that, so I stayed to keep watch over you." 

You wanted to tell him you could take care of yourself, but you didn't feel so sure about that anymore. The reminder of your loneliness crept up on you and you could feel doubt settle over you. You were on your own now without a team. No one was going to come save you if you found yourself in trouble. You would simply have to claw your own way out.  

"What's your name?" You decided to ask instead, studying him from across the small concrete path that separated you.  

"Nathaniel," he introduced himself with a smile. "And you are?" 

"Y/N," you returned, with a half-hearted wave.  

"Now, I know we just met, but I do have one thing on my mind," Nathaniel started, leaning in towards you after placing his newspaper on the bench beside him. "What on earth are you doing out here all by yourself?" 

You felt your lips twist to the side in a frown as you bit down on the side of your mouth to keep a lid on the emotions that threatened to boil over at the reminder of the previous day. "I--," you cut yourself off, not sure how to phrase your situation to a stranger without making it seem as if you had completely lost your mind. "I lost my home yesterday," you settled on with a grimace. "My family kicked me out." 

Nathaniel made a sympathetic noise before he stood up. "May I?" He asked, gesturing towards your bench. 

You shrugged your shoulders in answer but moved over to leave him enough space to sit down beside you.  

"In my experience, family is a fickle thing," Nathaniel continued once he was at your side. "People come and go, but you have to be able to stand by yourself and forge your own path once it all falls apart." 

"I don't know if I can do that this time," you whispered, ashamed to admit that you were on the brink of losing whatever control over your emotions you had managed since waking up.  

Nathaniel turned so he could watch you. It was a bit unnerving, but you figured you had no one else for company. A smirk tugged at his lips as he studied you. "You're a fighter," he assured you.  

"Oh?" You wondered, returning his stare. "And how would you know that?" 

His smirk was still in place as he tapped his temple. "I'm psychic," he proclaimed, holding up his fingers and waving them before imitating a ghostly wail.  

You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you and it felt so wrong.  

"There we go," Nathaniel murmured with a pleased smile. "Look, I know you don't know me, but how about a drink? Coffee?" He prompted, moving to stand and holding out a hand to you.  

You didn't want to wallow in your misery on the park bench all by yourself and you figured Nathaniel made a decent enough distraction. "You're paying," you told him, reluctantly grabbing his hand and letting him help you up. "Only because I don't have any money." 

Nathaniel laughed, the sound briefly jarring to you, and cocked his head to the side. "In that case, I'll buy you breakfast too." 

You found yourself in a diner booth sitting across from Nathaniel. He offered to buy you whatever you wanted, but you settled for a cup of coffee and a stack of pancakes. You weren't all that hungry and you couldn't get your mind off Logan. You wondered what he was doing right at that moment and then you dashed the thought. He was probably happy with his wife and Laura and had forgotten all about you.  

"Hey," Nathaniel called, getting your attention. "Where did you go?" 

You shook your head, biting your lip to distract yourself.  

"Thinking about your family?" He prompted, shooting you a wary look. "I know I'm a stranger and it's none of my business, but do you want to tell me what happened? Maybe I can offer some perspective." 

You scowled down at your pancakes, pushing them halfheartedly around the plate with a fork. You glanced around the diner, spotting a blonde woman wearing a white suit watching you curiously from a booth not far from yours. You shook your head at Nathaniel, not wanting anyone to overhear you.  

"Let's get out of here," you told him, pushing yourself out of the booth. "I could use a walk to clear my head." 

"Alright," Nathaniel readily agreed, standing as well. While he placed a twenty on the table, you made for the door.  

There was that whisper again in the air that had you looking over your shoulder. Someone was calling your name, but you didn't see anyone you recognized. No one was even looking at you except for Nathaniel who was slowly approaching you.  

"You okay?" Nathaniel interrupted, stealing your attention away.  

"Yeah," you muttered, briefly nodding your head. "Just c'mon," you said, barely waiting for Nathaniel to follow you before you pushed through the door and walked outside.  

You didn't think you would be able to confide in a total stranger, but there was something strangely freeing about unloading all the burdens on your mind to someone who didn't know anything about you. You even managed to drop the mutant bomb on him and were surprised when Nathaniel only took it in stride, as if he had expected all along you weren’t quite normal. He mostly seemed focused on what you told him about your family and how you lost them all in one fell swoop.  

"Sounds like you're better off without them," Nathaniel mused. "Anyone who would let you go like that is an idiot." 

"Maybe," you begrudgingly agreed. You didn't think it was possible, but Nathaniel had managed to make you feel better. Maybe letting out all your worries had briefly unburdened you. Or maybe since you lost everyone, you had been desperate to hear someone tell you it wasn’t your fault.  

"They're all ungrateful idiots," Nathaniel continued. "You're special," he told you. "And you deserve more." 

His tone brooked no argument, but you were a little thrown off by how serious he seemed.  

"I don't know what I'm going to do now," you deflected, scowling down at your hands. "I don't have anyone or anywhere to go. And I've just spent the day with a stranger telling him my whole pathetic sob story." 

"I'm not a stranger anymore," Nathaniel offered with a grin. "You know my name and everything." 

"I know literally nothing else about you," you pointed out. You were starting to feel apprehensive about trusting someone you didn't even know. Your head was beginning to hurt and you could feel your hands trembling. You weren't sure why panic had hit you all at once, but you could feel your heart beating overtime in your chest and a cold sweat begin to break out along your skin. You were beginning to hyperventilate, confused and overwhelmed, when Nathaniel took you by the shoulders and forced you to look into his eyes.  

"Hey, it's all going to be okay. Just trust me, alright? Y/N, you with me?"  

You tried to focus on Nathaniel, but there was a ringing in your ears and you swore someone else was trying to get your attention. You shook your head, trying to keep yourself from falling right into a spiral. You forced yourself to take slow, deep breaths, realizing that Nathaniel was also taking them, trying to coach you through your anxiety attack.  

You closed your eyes once you finally felt like you could stand on your own two feet without freaking out. You took a moment to center yourself before allowing yourself to open your eyes again.  

"Thanks," you whispered, nodding at him when he shot you a skeptical look. "I'm fine. I'll be fine," you claimed, even though you knew it was a lie. You were tired of loving and losing. Your heart ached for Logan and you knew that you would never recover from losing him. But Nathaniel, odd as he was, had managed to help you feel like maybe you didn't have to spend the rest of your existence completely alone.  

"I know you will," Nathaniel confirmed with another one of his smiles. "Because you're coming home with me." 

You stared at Nathaniel, waiting for the punchline, but it never came. "I could be a serial killer," you warned him with a scoff. "And you're inviting me into your home?" 

Nathaniel shrugged his shoulders, a smirk on his face. "I'm not scared of you." 

He sounded so sure of himself that you couldn't help the disbelieving laugh that escaped you. "You're completely insane, aren't you?" 

"So, is that a yes?" Nathaniel wondered, holding his hand out to you and waiting for you to take it. "Will you join me?" 

You stared down at his hand for a beat too long to be socially acceptable. It felt like you were about to make a deal with the devil, but Nathaniel had been nothing but kind. He had given you a shoulder to cry on and was now giving you a place to go so you wouldn’t have to spend another night on a park bench. 

You knew it was probably a bad idea, but you still found yourself reaching out to take his hand.  

"Okay," you reluctantly agreed. "I'll go with you." 

You thought it would be weird once you found yourself in Nathaniel's apartment, but it felt oddly familiar. He had a guest room that he had designated as yours and made sure you could take whatever you wanted from the fridge. You didn't know how to return his kindness, but you knew you would have to find a way.  

Nathaniel had gone out to get dinner while you waited on his couch, idly flipping through channels. You were starting to doze off, exhausted, when you heard someone calling for you.  

You squinted at the television, wondering if you were hearing things, when it happened again. You had stopped on a news report, catching sight of the woman from the diner. You assumed she was a news anchor, but the way she was looking at the camera gave you the eerie sensation that she was somehow actually watching you. When her gaze drifted over, as if looking at someone behind you, you rushed to turn off the television. 

You cautiously glanced over your shoulder, half-expecting to see someone standing there. But you were alone.  

 “Y/N,” the voice called again. It was faint, like they were outside, but close enough for you to hear.  

“What the fuck is happening?” You growled, growing frustrated. “Where are you?” 

You stood, wondering if you should go looking for whoever was trying to reach you, when Nathaniel walked into the apartment. He held up the bag of takeout and nodded towards the kitchen table.  

"Ready to eat?" 

Time dragged on as days and weeks passed. You still thought of Logan practically every waking moment, but Nathaniel had done his best to distract you.  

You were grateful for him, because you didn't know how you would have lived without someone there to fill the void in your life.  

You weren't sure what day it was or even how long had passed since you last saw Logan, but you knew that you had started to heal.  

"Sometimes," Nathaniel told you once you voiced that thought to him. "You have to let something break so you can piece it back together to get something new. To get what you truly want. What is it that you want, Y/N?" Nathaniel studied you with the same unnerving intensity he always did and you hated to admit that you were finding it less weird each time it happened.  

Logan was the first thought that came to your mind. You wanted Logan and you wanted your home and you wanted your family. You wanted to show Laura how to cook and you wanted to follow Wade into crazy situations, knowing that he would have your back just like you had his back. You wanted to crawl into bed with Logan at the end of each day knowing that you were wanted and cherished.  

Nathaniel made a disappointed noise before he shook his head. "There's no going back," he told you "I'm sorry, but it's just not going to happen." 

You didn't like the way he sounded so sure of himself. Nathaniel didn't know Logan and he didn't even really know you. You had spent weeks with him, but years of your life had been devoted to a Logan. Your Logan had been better, you knew it, so maybe you were the one who wasn't worthy.  

Nathaniel made a tsking noise before he reached out. He wrapped his hand lightly along the underside of your jaw, his thumb pressed to the other side of your neck over your pulse point. He considered you for a long moment, as if he was searching for something.  

"He left you," Nathaniel reminded you, as if it hadn't been eating you up inside since it happened. "You are special. You deserve to be cherished," he continued, and you started to worry about the potentially romantic direction he was going with his lecture. A brief smile flitted across his face, as if he could read your mind, before his expression slipped back towards something more serious. "You're lost and you're broken," he added, gently sweeping his thumb over your pulse point. "Let me put the pieces back together." 

You weren't even sure if you trusted Nathaniel, but you had spent so long hurting that you were tempted to say yes.  

You suddenly felt like someone had brushed their hand over the back of your head and you heard someone call your name. It was the same voice as before and you knew better than to look for someone you wouldn't find. But Nathaniel's eyes strayed just over your shoulder, as if he had heard it too. There was a brief flicker of irritation on his face before he gifted you with a sincere smile.  

"I've got you," he promised. "No one is ever going to get near you again." 

"Okay," you finally agreed, if only because you were curious about what he had in mind. You also couldn't deny that you were just so desperate to not fall back into that desolate pit of isolation you had begun to dig for yourself. Nathaniel saw you and he wanted you. There wasn't much else you felt like you could ask for now.  

And if Nathaniel's sharp smile sent a shiver through you for all the wrong reasons, then you were the only one who had to know about that.  

Nathaniel seemed insistent that in order to move on, you would have to make yourself stronger. To him, that seemed to mean training day and night, improving upon your power in new and terrifying ways.  

You spent hours, days, weeks, stretching the limits of your power. Your power had always been meant as a defense, to protect and contain, but now you wanted to wield it as a weapon.  

Your progress felt excruciatingly slow, but you had to admit that you were pleased with the results. It started simple enough with just a thought. You wanted your forcefields to hurt. The barriers you would have erected to protect yourself should also be used to hurt anyone who dared get too close.   

Nathaniel had rented out an abandoned location in a strip mall and set up targets for you to use. More often than not, he was watching you, as if he was waiting for something. Other times, he seemed content to leave you alone, trusting you would have something new to show him when he returned.  

You practiced on the targets, first forming forcefields around your fists and breaking anything that stood in your way. Nothing held up to them and you started growing bored of that tactic. You started to think that if you could form a forcefield, then it could be any shape you wanted. Spikes, swords, knives all began to adorn the edges of your forcefields, facing out and ready to maim anything that was in the way.  

Nathaniel seemed eager when you first formed a forcefield that was outlined with spikes and used it to repeatedly stab holes into the brick fence that lined the back of the property. You were sure he was never going to get his deposit back, but he didn't even seem to care. He only encouraged you to think bigger and do more.  

With time, you were even able to produce two forcefields at once. It was exhausting and drained all your energy, but you liked the idea of protecting yourself while also using a different forcefield to hurt an attacker. From there, it was only natural to think of taking a forcefield, forming it around an enemy, and turning the projected spikes inward, letting them impale your target without a way to escape.  

You felt stronger and invulnerable. You had never thought to test your power like this, and the feeling was nearly intoxicating. Logan and Laura and Wade were still on your mind, but now you knew that you didn’t need them. Like Nathaniel told you, you could stand on your own and forge your own path ahead.  

No one would hold you back now.  

The first time you felt the full force of your own power was when Nathaniel was taunting you into a reaction.  

"He doesn't care about you anymore. He's moved on with the true love of his life and you are nothing to him. You don't need him anymore. You can show him that you're better off without him." 

There were targets surrounding you, but you didn't care about them. All you could think about was Logan and the stupid lovelorn look on his face as he looked at his wife. He looked like he had been saved. Saved from you and whatever pathetic existence he was ready to settle for in her absence. You deserved better and you wanted to rip that stupid look right off his face. You wanted to make him and her regret it.  

You let out a scream of frustration, punching out with your forcefield at one of the targets, but it got carried away from you. All the targets snapped back, taken out at once from the blast. It carried farther out, nearly ripping the door off its hinges and shattering the front windows.  

You looked at Nathaniel, where he was splayed on the floor, staring up at you in awe.  

"You did it," he praised as he began to push himself to his feet. You crossed over towards him, holding out your hand to help get him up off the floor. “I knew you could do it.” 

"What was that?" You wondered, breathless and ecstatic. Your power had never quite felt like that before. You wanted to try it again, the rush of it addicting. If you could hone that and strengthen it, then you could use it on multiple enemies at once. You could become nearly unstoppable.   

"A repulsion field," Nathaniel answered, reaching out to rest a hand on your shoulder. "With time, I expect you'll be able to direct it and control it. You’ll be able to take out a whole city if you want." 

"Shit," you breathed, still shocked that you had managed something like that. "I didn't think I could use my power in that way. It was...exciting," you decided with a grin at Nathaniel.  

"I told you that you're special," he reminded you. "I knew you had that in you all along." 

"Thank you," you found yourself saying. You considered the targets on the floor and wondered if there would be any more use in them.  

"I have extras," Nathaniel assured you. "Want to try again?" 

You felt a pleased little thrill shoot through you at the thought. "Fuck yes," you answered.  

A week passed since you found out about the extra perk your power allowed you. You felt more confident and assured of yourself. Gone was the self-doubt and in its place was a feeling that you could defeat anyone or anything.  

You were walking to the store with Nathaniel, thinking about what you might want to make for dinner. Nathaniel was being unusually quiet and leaving you alone to your thoughts. You wondered if something was wrong, but then you spotted her.  

It was you. The other you. She was alone. No Logan or Laura or Wade in her vicinity.  

You couldn't help the way you froze on the sidewalk or the fury that rose up swiftly enough you felt nearly sick with it.  

She was to blame for everything. She had stolen your life away from you and now she got to be happy while you spent the rest of your life wanting someone you would never have again.  

"Is that her?" Nathaniel asked, rounding back to standing at your side. "The one who stole your life from you?" 

You nodded your head, attempting to keep a lid on your anger.  

"Why don't you make her regret it?" 

The idea was so simple, but so damn tempting. You could just imagine the look on her face when she realized she was incredibly outmatched now. You could destroy her within seconds and she would never be able to stop you. 

You knew it wasn't something you should entertain. You had lived your whole life as a hero. There was a line you would have never dared to cross before but after everything that had happened, you were starting to realize that line was blurred beyond recognition. As far as you were concerned, she had stolen your life from you, and it was only right that she realized what a mistake that had been.  

"You're better than her now. Stronger," Nathaniel continued, leaning in closer to you. "She can't do half of what you can. Show her what you've learned." 

"I don't know," you tried to deflect. You wanted your revenge, but there was still a tiny voice in your head saying it wasn’t right. It wasn’t what you were supposed to do. 

"Aren't you tired?" Nathaniel hissed, his hand coming up to clutch your shoulder in a near-painful grip. "Tired of being the doormat. The hero. The martyr. Don't let them get away with it. Don't let her walk away." 

You didn't even realize you had made up your mind until you were walking up to the other you. She was checking out a display of plants that had been left outside of the market for customers to choose, but she seemed to sense your approach, because she turned to consider you.  

You weren't sure what she saw when she looked at you, but her eyes went wide with fear, and she immediately pulled up a forcefield. You stalked forward, intent on your target. You didn't care if anyone was watching, because you felt like you were completely justified in your actions.  

You passed right through her forcefield and pushed her back. She fell to the ground, staring up at you in terror. You pulled your fist back, forming your own forcefield around it. You let spikes form along the outside facing towards her. All you had to do was bring it down onto her face. It would be a killing blow, and you would never have to think about her again. Logan would lose the love of his life, but maybe he would come back to you. Maybe you could return to him stronger, better, and without any more competition.  

For a moment, as you looked right into her face, it was like gazing into a mirror. The scar was gone, her hair was the same as yours, and you were wearing similar clothes. She looked just like you.  

You were convinced that she was you.  

And that made you pull back, horrified at what you had almost done.  

Her eyes were closed, ready for a blow that you weren't capable of dealing any longer.  

"I'm sorry," you whispered before stepping away, propelling yourself right out of her forcefield.  

"Y/N?" Nathaniel called, pulling your attention towards him. "What are you doing? She's right there. Kill her," he demanded, his lips pulling back in a sneer.  

You shook your head, feeling something indescribable but ultimately terrified swell within you. What had you become? What had Nathaniel done to you? You had let him so far into your head that you had almost done something unspeakable.  

You made yourself go invisible before you took off running. You didn't know where you were going or where you would even hide, but you knew that you needed to get away from Nathaniel. He had pushed you to do more, be more, and you had never once stopped to think about which road you were heading down and whether it would lead you right to the point of no return.  

You could hear Nathaniel yelling for you to stop and come back, but you didn't listen. You wanted to get away from him and just think. It felt like you had let him take up residence in your head and now you wanted to figure out how the hell to evict him.  

You ran until you felt like you were going to collapse. You finally stopped outside of a library. You rushed inside, catching a glimpse of the news anchor flipping through a book as you went right for the back corner.  Two bookshelves met there and you sank right to the floor in front of them. You dropped your head into your hands and forced yourself to take deep breaths.  

"Y/N," you heard someone call. It wasn't Nathaniel and it wasn't anyone else you immediately recognized. But it was familiar. They had been trying to get your attention all along.  

"What," you snapped, already feeling like you were on the verge of crumbling. Nathaniel had been right that you were broken, but who was going to put the pieces back together this time? It felt like Nathaniel had managed to piece them back together all wrong and you didn't even feel like yourself anymore.  

"Y/N," the voice called again.  

You closed your eyes and focused on the voice. You reached out for it, desperate for any sort of lifeline. It was a spark right at the back of your mind. You rushed to meet it, eager to figure out who had been trying to talk to you.  

"My name is Charles Xavier."  

You startled, nearly letting the tenuous connection between you and Charles drop, but finally throwing everything you had towards it.  

"This world is a lie," Charles continued once he realized you could hear him. "Do not let him break you. They're coming to find you." 

"Who?" You couldn't help but ask, hope and fear clashing inside you, threatening to overwhelm you.  

"A rather odd group of saviors," Charles answered, a hint of amusement clear in his words. "But stay strong and do what you can to break free of his hold. He has a way to keep me out, so once he finds you, I’m afraid I won’t be much help to you. Just hold on until they get there." 

You didn't know how you were going to get yourself out. You were starting to think it was hopeless, because you hadn’t even realized you were trapped in the first place. The more you thought about it, though, the more obvious it became that something had been wrong since the morning you woke up and Logan’s wife was sitting in your kitchen. The fact that she had come back from the dead, Logan’s quick dismissal of you, Laura and Wade both turning their backs on you. Nathaniel’s convenient timing and the way he watched you as if you were nothing more than an experiment for him. A pet mutant he could poke and prod and play with while you were none the wiser.   

“Who’s coming to find me?” You didn’t dare to assume that you were worth the rescue, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to know. You had to hold onto the one little spark of hope you could feel burning defiantly inside you.  

For one terrifying moment, your mind was still, and you felt crushingly alone. Just when you thought you had been abandoned, Charles left you with one final word.  

"Logan." 

Author's Note: There will be a fourth chapter! Did I have you going for a while there? I felt so evil writing this. I truly did. If you liked this, please let me know. Not to sound needy, but comments/reblogs/etc. literally fuel me to write more and inspire me so much to keep coming up with fun stuff. Thank you to everyone who has shown this series any support! Also, if you would like to be added/removed from the taglist, just let me know!

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@astudyoftimeywimeystuff

[imagionationstation]

so I would like more ideas on the whole “2012 Donnie ends up in prison dimension” au thing.

if you don’t have any it’s completely okay!

just maybe…how are the 2012 turtles (and Splinter) holding up? And how would the 2018 turtles react when 2012 Donnie has to go back home? Does he? Or does he stay? I think it’d be fun if their were two alt endings. One where 2012 Donnie stays in the rise universe and one where he doesn’t. Idk

Srry I’m yappin’ lol

Oh, don’t worry. I’ve been poking at this AU all day.

I have, like, five scenes overlapping each other. Because I’m normal.

*ahem*

“So what if instead of merely erasing him, she decided to put him somewhere that no one could ever reach him? A dimension from where things are known never to return? A place where April could never get him back without her assistance?”

Lil’ miss overpowered demon would have wanted April to know that she shipped Donnie off somewhere instead of outright murder. Then, she could hold it over her head you need me to get him back to prevent her from ever shattering the Crystal. But considering that’s blackmail and April knew that the longer that freak was in her brain, the more likely it was that she’d obliterate New York- well, she was determined to find Donnie back without her help.

And so April assures that brothers that he’s alive. And they immediately begin a search ✨

I’m sure that there would be a lot of tension, fear, and worry, but they KNOW he’s alive out there somewhere, (probably suffering if Za-Naron’s vague taunts were true), so they’re going to get him back, and the sooner the better. *Insert car chase music*

And the best part is that the 2012brothers have never actually been separated for more than a few hours. Like, in any episode.

Imagine days apart not knowing if Donnie is even alive.

At least they have each other. Donnie, on the other hand…

I think how the Risebrothers react to their arrival to bring Donnie home would depend highly on how long Donnie remains with them. However, it’s not through an “we adopted him” standpoint.

Remember, Leon and Donnie were stuck in a crippled dimension for weeks. They were barely surviving, avoiding Krang at every turn, convinced that they’d never see their families again. Leon would have told Donnie about the prison dimension’s purpose and how no one could ever risk coming. How his family had to see to it that no one ever came through for the sake of everyone in his dimension.

They had to live with that knowledge for a time period that probably felt like an eternity.

A seed of doubt was planted and they coped in different ways.

Donnie, keeping them both alive and his flickering hope burning through each passing moment, holds to the stubborn belief that if they wants to make it out, he only needs to, “Try harder.”

And Leon, willing to fight for Donnie but unwilling to surrender to the pipe dream of getting freed, assists the fight with a timid, but unbudging, “It’s not about me.”

Then, when they get out, their perspectives will be entirely different.

Leon will be home, but a part of him, the part that was counting down the minutes ‘till he dies, will still be in the prison dimension.

Donnie will be safe, but everything in him, every minuscule cell in his being that prayed for release, will be yearning for home.

So, we have two options. And no, I do not believe one of them involves him permanently living in the Rise verse. (Many apologies.)

Option one: Angst ending (They find him fast.)

Okay, so, if the 2012brothers were to arrive within days of Donnie getting free, I have no doubt that a desperate Donnie would go home without a second of hesitation and Leon would lose his anchor. He’d be stricken at the thought, aware of how much Donnie needs to leave, crippled under the looming weight of that sacrifice. He only suffered lived so Donnie wouldn’t be alone in that hellhole nightmare, and now Donnie is abandoning him leaving.

He’d be stiff, silent, barely managing a weak “okay” when Donnie shares the news. The conversation distracts anyone from really noticing his state of mind. It’s only once the 2012 gang leave the room that Raphael makes the mistake of touching his shoulder. After they barely calm a flash-back induced panic attack that leaves him wheezing and pale, crying and bleeding on the floor where he’d attempt to flee from them, the Risebrothers decide that they can’t let Donnie walk out. Raphael and Michael are torn, because Donnie needs the familiar sights of home as much as Leon needs Donnie, but Don has no such limitations. I almost want to say the same for Lou. He sacrificed the world for his kids. This is nothing.

As you can imagine, family fights for custody never go well.

Option two: Happy Ending (Finding him takes time)

If the brothers were to arrive several weeks/month or so into the future, long enough for Leon to readjust to society and no longer need Donnie as a reminder that he’s home and not completely delulu in the brain, it would go much smoother. Obviously, Donnie would be more desperate than ever to get home. The kind of desperate that leaves him broken in their arms when they finally appear, promising through sobs that he tried so hard to get back to them he did he swears he never stopped he tried-

And considering the Risebrothers don’t have a single cruel bone in their body, they wouldn’t hesitate to let him go home. He’s welcome any time, of course, and Leo makes him promise to find a way back during one, big goodbye squeeze, but they accept that right now, he needs to go. Donnie kept their brother alive and helped truly bring his scattered brain home. Why shouldn’t they return the favor?

[igotanidea]

Puppy love : father!dick grayson x mother!reader

request by @parkjammys " no, we cannot get a puppy" with Dick.

A/N: as announced, I put it in a single parent!verse, hope you'll enjoy. You can find other stories from this verse under the tag :)

***

„Pretty please?”  Sienna’s eyes were wide open and shining like stars as she was looking at her father pleading to make her dream come true.

“Sienna….” Dick sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. It was always hard to refuse his little girl. Given everything she had been through, starting from being abandoned by her own mother, didn’t she deserve some joy and fun. But life was hard sometimes and he had to be a responsible adult. “No, we cannot have a puppy”.

“But why?” the girl pouted, her eyes turning sad and that view broke Dick’s heart. But he was a single father, who had to balance life, job, taking care of his kid and now, making time for some who was pretty much in love with. “daddy?”

“ I’m sorry princess. I’m just not sure if we can fit a dog into our life at the moment…..”

“This is so not fair!” Sienna smoothly came from being sweet and charming to throwing a temper tantrum, stumping her little feet on the ground angrily. ‘I want a puppy!”

“I know, honey, but…..” before Dick could finish the sentence, Sienna started crying, sobbing and almost threw herself on the ground. In the kindergarten entrance in front of every mother who came to pick their kids after a whole day. Freaking great. What was he supposed to do now? Wait until she stops? Use some force, lift her up and pack her into the car? Dick Grayson, who was capable of handling almost anything became completely helpless in the clash with his girl’s fury.

“Hey, everything all right here?” a bit concerned, but still optimistic and familiar voice interrupted hysterical sobbing and Dick sighed in relief. Thank god, Y/N showed up to pick up Thomas. Maybe she could reach to Sienna and make her calm down.

“Miss Thomas’s mother!” Sienna immediately stood up and threw herself at the older woman, hugging her legs tightly.

“Mummy!” clearly Thomas heard his mother’s voice from the open door and mirrored Sienna’s action, running at the woman, sudden impact from two sides, almost making her trip and fall.

“Hi there, kiddos.” The woman smiled wrapping arms around both boy and girl, throwing a glance at Dick and chuckling at his desperation “How was your day?”

“Daddy won’t buy me a dog! Why not? I can take care of it! I would hug it and love it and take care of it! Please, Miss Thomas’s mum, can you tell him I would be good? Can you tell him to get me a puppy?”

“Where does this come from? Why puppy all of a sudden?’ Y/N asked, her gaze meeting Dick’s. It was like he forgot where he was, his eyes just showing all the love sickness he held for the woman in front of him. Like a schoolboy. “Richard?” she called, reaching out and poking him in the chest lightly finally getting his conscious attention “Hi there.”

“Hi…..” he whispered, but quickly realised she was waiting for some answer “Oh, um…. Sorry” he cleared his throat “Apparently one of the girls….”

“Alicia!” Sienna corrected

“Yes, of course, Alicia. Brought photos of her pet and Sienna became enamoured in an instant.”

“I see.  And now you want one for yourself, don’t you?”

“Yes, please….” Sienna hid her face in Y/N’s knees hugging her even closer.

“Can we get one too, mummy? We could take walks together with Sienna.” Thomas looked up at his mother with pleading eyes. “It would be so much fun!”

“You know what?” Y/N put both kids on the arm’s length, crouching to their level and focusing on both little faces. “I think I might have an idea about that….”

“You do?” Dick, his daughter and Thomas eyed Y/N like she was their salvation and she just smiled and nodded.

“Yeah We’re gonna take a little trip. Buckle up. I’m driving.”

“I will not take the passenger seat!” Dick objected out of instincts.

“too bad for you, Grayson. Either you shotgun and follow my lead or go home alone while I kidnap your daughter.” Y/n let out a laugh, opening the car and letting the kids in. Luckily they were too busy with the belts and talking about what kind of trip it was going to be to notice Dick coming close to Y/N and brushing his lips over hers briefly.

“I hate you…..” he whispered, smiling into the kiss “you make me so weak and compliant…..”

“Unlike your daughter, huh?” she caressed his arm and shoulder. “I really hope to see your dominant side soon….. I missed it…..”

“Y/N…..” he groaned

“Get in the car before any of the parent sees us. There are enough rumours…”

“I don’t care about adults.” He chuckled, stepping away from her “but if Sienna and Thomas starts asking questions, we’ll be toasted.”

***

The car ride was shorter than anyone may expect and filled with talks and laughter. It was almost like they were a family. But once Y/N parked in front of a grey, omniscient looking facility the kids got quiet. They couldn’t quite decipher what was written on the front door but something was telling them this was going to be serious and their laughter stopped.

“Mummy?” Thomas stuttered “what is this place? I’m scared.”

“There’s no need” she smiled at her son  “no one is going to hurt any of you here. I promise. I just want you to see and learn something very important.”

“And then we’ll go get the puppy?” Sienna was extremely stubborn.

“We’ll see how it will turn out, all right little one?”

“Sure. Whatever…..” the girls crossed arms over her chest, looking way more adorable than resentful.

Once they got out and walked through the door, Thomas grabbed his mother’s hand, refusing to let go, still a bit scared and far more focused than his little friend who just busted right through ready to check whatever tour this was and go to an animal store.

“Not so fast!” Dick caught her and lifted her up, getting the plan Y/N had. “You cannot really run here. We came for a lesson.”

“What lesson? I don’t… Oh!” the voice froze in her throat as she noticed the cages with dogs in them. All kinds of dogs. Big, small, white and brown and black. Old and young. But what made them all similar was the pain and fear on their muzzles. And once the four people appeared, all of them moved towards the front, begging and pleading eyes focusing on the kids.

“What is this place, mummy?” Thomas started turning his head around.

“It’s called shelter. This is home for all those dogs that no one wanted.”

“But why?” Sienna sobbed again, struggling against her father’s grip and Dick finally put her down “why would no one want them? They look so sad…..” her little fingers rested on the glass of the cage as the little dog put his little paw on it “it’s not fair…..”

“You see, a puppy is not only about fun and playing.” Y/N explained, feeling sudden warm as Dick’s free hand entwined with hers “but it’s also about taking care of it. Feeding, cleaning, taking to the vet, spending a lot of time with it. Some people just get bored with those animals or have too much to do to care.”

“I don’t understand…..” Sienna frowned

“Oh!” Thomas’s eyes grew wide “I think I do.”

“Really? Tell me then, son.”

“I hears someone says once that a puppy is not a toy and you should not get one unless you are sure you know how to care for it. Is that what this was about mummy?”

“My clever boy.” Y/n couldn’t hide the pride in her voice “that was exactly it.”

“so…..” Sienna frowned again, a lot of thoughts forming in her head “this would be too hard to have a puppy now?”

“I’m sorry, sunshine.” Dick crouched next to his daughter “But a lot is happening and we don’t want to end up hurting whatever puppy you will get, do we?”

“No…..” the girl hesitated “No, we don’t, but…. What about all those doggies? Can we help them?”

“Actually, we can.” One of the workers, dressed in an apron chimed in “Hey there, Y/N. Giving the kids a tour?”

“Hello Dave. Something like that. I see we came right in the feeding time. Would you mind it our little Sienna the explorer and Thomas the Indiana jones, joined you? You can tell them about the volunteering and helping here.” Y/n winked at the man who were clearly her friend.

“More than happy, Y/N. You busy parents can take a little break, those two are in good hands.”

***

“You’re so smart.” Dick whispered once they took Dave on his offer and sneaked outside. His arms wrapped around her, pressing her close to his chest, wandering around her back.

“Because of how I handled the kids or because it gave as alone time?” she smirked

“Both.” His lips found hers and he kissed her gently, slowly, carefully. “Don’t you think it’s time to talk to kids about us? I’m tired of hiding and sneaking around.”

“Dick?” she tried to pull back, shocked by his question, but he didn’t let her, chasing her lips and kissing her more, this time reassuringly and she melted. Of course she had objections about it. Not about Dick, but about introducing another man into her son’s life , which could been hard. And Thomas’s acceptance was everything for Y/N. His father run away when the boy was two years old, so that wound was still fresh and she had to have her son’s well-being in the back of her mind. It was not only about her.

But god, how she wanted to try.

Dick made her feel everything she never had. Love, partnership, care. Even when they were bantering or teasing or even fighting from time to time, it was all because they had so many emotions for each other, not because they wanted to cause pain and hurt.

“Don’t run away from me….” He whispered, holding her tighter, brushing his nose over hers “Please, just give this a chance. Give us a chance. I don’t want to hide how I feel. I don’t want to have to deflect the advances of the mother’s. I want to be able to kiss you and hold you in public and not watch out if someone may see us. God, Y/N. I love you. “ there, he said it.  “I love you. I love you. I love you. I ……”

He will keep on saying it if it wasn’t for the fact that her hands locked on his neck and pulled him down to kiss, effectively shutting him up. He loved how her fingers played with his hair and how nice her body felt against him when she pressed herself closer.

“I hear you, Dick.” She finally had to let go and take a breath, leaning her forehead on his.

“And?” he smirked, but his heart was doing flips in anticipation for her answer.

“God, you fool! Of course I love you too! With all my heart! I loved you from the moment I first saw you at the parent-teacher meeting! You were so lost there, the only father, like an odd duck amongst the mother hens” she laughed wholeheartedly

“Good thing I had you to take a place next to me and save me.” He gripped her waist and pecked her lips again.

���You broke me. Ever since then I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“During the days or the nights?” he teased again

“find someone to take care of the kids tonight and I can show you….” She whispered into his ear, getting a groan from the back of his throat just as he imagined all the things he would do to her. “But first, let’s get our kids back, before they make us adopt every dog in here."

[pockykierra]

Chapter Four of Saying The Quiet Part Aloud is out!!

Thank you for your patience! With this chapter being at 12,500 words, it was definitely a doozy to write, and especially to edit. Hopefully the next one will come a little sooner (no promises, but a person can dream haha)

Also with this chapter, a piece of art I commissioned from a dear friend! I hope everyone loves it as much as I do, I’m SO hyped about it. Make sure to read the authors notes to get the artists links!!

A sneak peek of the first bit below the cut!

Aziraphale had never liked the phrase “to see the light.” 

In the grand scheme of things, it was an odd thing to have a strong opinion about - but he had his reasons. For one, projected a level of nonunderstanding he had never thought himself to have. He was not a people person (he couldn’t be, even if he wanted to), nor did he believe himself to be attractive or particularly funny, and he certainly wasn’t getting any younger. But if there was one constant in Aziraphale’s life, one thing he was always sure about - it was that, above all else, he was smart. That, he was sure of. So what point was there in “seeing the light” when he already knew where the light was coming from, when it would arrive, and what it would bring? 

It also reminded him of his mother. 

The pious woman she had always been, when Aziraphale was a child, she taught him common phrases and idioms that originated from scripture. And Aziraphale - young, eager to learn, and full of faith - had listened with eyes and ears wide open, soaking up every lesson like a sponge. Her lessons were still so clear in his mind she might as well have been sitting there beside him. He could still hear her gentle but firm voice and the careful way her thin fingers flipped through scritta, searching endlessly for that next verse. To that day, he could recall the lesson on the idiom in question with little difficulty.

””See the light,” Aziraphale. God is the creator of light, and so He is light. To see it is to see God himself and accept his truth.”

Well, Aziraphale was no longer religious; whatever ‘light of God’s truth’ that had been there had long since faded. All that remained was a deep, aching bitterness and the question of ‘why?’. If God was true and real, why had He given Aziraphale an ability that cursed him to a life of loneliness? Why hadn’t He given a way to turn it off or to do away with it? Why him?

Yet another reason to hate that saying. 

But sometimes, a phrase was apt, even if not enjoyed. And unfortunately, there was no better one. 

Aziraphale had seen the light. 

And the light was that there was no ‘moving along’ from Crowley. 

Aziraphale stared at his ceiling, cursed with another night of tossing and turning as he pondered this revelation. It had haunted him since - Aziraphale’s head lazed to the side, eyes squinting against the beam of his phone as he turned it on - nearly twelve hours ago. He had sat in his office, trying to think of anything but Crowley and failing miserably. Not even all the new and exciting flavors he had discovered at lunch could pull his focus away. 

No, all he could think of was Crowley.

It was near the end of the work day when he had been smacked in the face with the realization and the horrible truth of it all. And the truth was that there was nothing he could do to stop what was happening. Crowley was rooted firmly in his brain, and that was that. Trying to remove him, forget him, or ignore everything that had happened between them would be impossible. 

There was no going back. 

[cookiesupplier]

A Friend Down In Hell - Part Ten

pairing: Nick Folio x ofc (Ishtar)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, pining, idiot in love, language, drinking, mentions of violence, mentions of torture, mentions of religious mythology.

summary: Folio can't quite tell you how long he's been dead, but it doesn't matter when he has friends like his, and Ishtar. Ishtar, with whom he fell in love the moment he met her. The problem? She doesn't know it. How does he convince a demon, who is practically immortal, to date him when he's dead? How did Ellie do it so easily?

author’s note: Unbetaed.. Enjoy!

tags: @spicywhenspeaking @tearfallpixie @cncohshit @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @lyschko666 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @sorrowsofsilence @collapsedglasshouses @vinyardmauro @dsireland86 @4rtificialfolio @emmmm127 @badomensls @agravemisstake @sunsshinesunny @blackveilomens

Tag lists are open, please let me know if you'd like to be added to this story, the Hell-Verse as a whole, or Everything

Sitting and having breakfast with Ishtar felt like a dream come true, and if it was a dream, Folio didn’t want to wake up, not even for a second. Usually, he went right from his apartment across the street, to the café which was just perfect for him, grabbed his breakfast wraps, hopped on his bike, and was off on his way to the building where the office was for work. No fuss, no muss in the mornings. It was just great for him, since he wasn’t the best morning person. However, instead, he stayed with Ishtar for a little while, how could he resist now that he had her right in front of him, they were talking, and not over drinks at the bar either.. Folio figured that Jolly and Ellie had the list of souls this morning in hand until he got there, usually, they did when one of them was missing. Sure, they worked together, but they made it work when one couldn’t always be there. However, when one of them wasn’t, they felt the difference.

The whole week that Ellie hadn’t been there after the bomb had dropped about her death, it was like the vibe, the air had changed. That was when Folio realised they couldn’t just go back to just him and Jolly. Dude, he loved the guy, and he loved working with him, hanging out with him in the office, he was one of his best friends, but their groups, all of them together, it was everything. Folio could only hope that Ishtar became just as important to them all as Ellie had become to the group with Noah. 

Now, Folio was pulling up his motorbike outside and racing into the office, all excited,

“Guyyss guys guys guys, you will never guess how my morning went?”

He grinned so brightly at Ellie and Jolly as they were sitting at one of the computers with gaming controllers in their hands, blinking slightly towards him as if they were just shocked at the sight of him.

“Well, looked at what the cat dragged in, almost thought you were still sulking after Ellie tricked you into that extra strength shake yesterday.”

Jolly smirked a little as he glanced back down to the screen and whatever game they were playing, Folio guessing that it had probably been a slow morning if they had settled in to take the time to play something. Ellie, however, was looking at him closer,

“Folio, what happened to your nose?”

His nose?

Folio reached up and touched it on reflex without even thinking, that was a mistake in hindsight with the instant sting of pain that went through his face the moment he did. Oh, ow. Okay, so it seemed it was still a little tender if he touched it, but otherwise, he didn’t even notice anything was amiss with it.

“Still a little bruised, huh, thought it would be fine by now.”

That got Jolly’s attention again, looking back up from the screen with a frown towards him, even though it was Ellie who continued voicing her concern first.

“How did you- Folio, what did you do to your nose?!”

Oh boy, this was going to sound bad..

“Would you believe that I walked into a door?”

Cringing slightly, both of their replies coming at him without any hesitation whatsoever.

“Yes.” Jolly, of course.

“No.” Ellie, bless her.

Folio smiled at the fact that Ellie had that much faith in him, wrong but, hey, she had faith that she wouldn’t have done it at least! He turned around and poked his tongue out at Jolly for saying he would believe him. Folio never claimed to be the mature one here.

“Technically, technically, I did walk into the door, but also, Ishtar kind of also banged it into my face.. by accident!”

He exclaimed quickly at the end because there was no way he didn’t know exactly how that sounded! Ishtar breaking his nose, or close to at least, sounded absolutely horrible and did not bode well for him dating her. When in actuality he had sort of got a breakfast date with her now hadn’t he? Smiling at the thought of how they had sat and had breakfast together, sitting and talking had been the best feeling in the world. Just them, Ishtar not having to disappear to serve other people drinks, or dealing with idiots flirting with her with stupid pickup lines.. Just Folio’s stupid jokes over their wraps and coffees. Hell, before he had to leave for work, he asked her if she’d like to go to lunch with him tomorrow after work, and she agreed! Even gave him her number so he could let her know where to meet him tomorrow. He was so excited, he wanted it to be tomorrow already, but it wasn’t, and he had to be patient. 

Folio was dragged back from his thoughts by laughter. Jolly, Jolly was laughing at him, and he had to roll his eyes, could he really be surprised, of course, he was laughing at him. If he was honest, Folio would be laughing at him too if he was on the other side. Hearing what he had just heard, the love of his life almost breaking his nose by slamming a door in his face… yeah, he would be laughing at him too.

“Jolly! That isn’t funny!”

“Oh Ellie, this is hilarious, are you kidding? He finally meets the girl of his dreams outside the bar like he wanted, and she almost maims him! This is just perfect! Well done Folio, bravo, you’re just making your mark from the get-go, she’ll never forget this, that's for sure.”

At that, Folio just rolled his eyes again with Jolly’s sarcastic remark, but really, he didn’t blame him at all. Walking over to sit at his desk, shifting to leaning back in his chair.

“Jolly!”

Ellie exclaimed again, shoving at their friend's arm as he laughed again,

“It’s okay Ellie, he’s right, it’s not like she didn’t sit and have a breakfast date with me, and agree to a lunch date with me tomorrow.. So I guess, she really won't forget it, will she?”

Grinning wide.. 

“And admittedly, smiling this wide, well it does hurt, just a little bit. At least most of the bruising is gone, should be fine by tonight, definitely before my date tomorrow.”

Not that it mattered today, so he wasn’t worried. They healed so quickly anyway. It used to be so much longer to heal when he was alive and got into a fight, that much he was sure he remembered clearly! So the fact that his nose, broken or just badly bruised was going to be completely gone in a day, or even two, it was a bloody miracle! Perks of being already dead he supposed, if you couldn’t be alive, then why put up with all the added pain going with it right? Right!

“That’s great Folio! Do you know where you are going to go yet?”

Folio just couldn’t stop smiling even if his nose was hurting a little, he knew it was a lot, but how could he stop? He had a real date! Even if it was just a lunch date, with Ishtar, he’d been wanting to go out with her for years!

“I don’t know, we agreed to keep it casual, but I don’t want to just take her to the diner or the pizza place like we usually go to.. But she did love the breakfast wraps we got this morning. Or maybe she would love some of our hangouts.. But maybe it would be better for when she could actually spend time with all of us!”

The more he talked, the more excited he got, his words going a bit fast as he went, going on and on before he heard Ellie giggle, and he couldn’t help the smile as his eyes snapped over towards her, and he blushed slightly with his grin. He was just so happy right now, he couldn’t help himself.

“How about you just think simple Folio, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind either place, and I’m sure she’d hang out with us at them again another time if we do. What's more, she doesn’t have to, you can date her and not expect your friends to hang out with her constantly. The fact that you like her is enough.”

Folio frowned at that..

“But you and Noah-”

Jolly smirked,

“And he’s living in fantasy land, wanting the dream, perfect girl, perfect date, perfect-”

“What is with you, Jolly, stop making fun of him.. You didn’t make fun of Noah when we started dating, why are you making fun of Folio?”

Ellie was stumped then when that just got both of the guys laughing,

“What, what did I miss?”

“Oh, okay, that is classic?”

Eventually, Folio was wiping tears of amusement from his eyes from laughing as hard as he had been,

“Ellie, damn straight we made fun of Noah, you were just never around to hear it.. This is nothing.. And don’t you worry, I can handle all the ribbing that Jolly throws at me.”

Immediately, he lifted his hand with a vulgar gesture with his middle finger, flipping the bird at his best friend without a second thought, earning a chuckle from the other man, who had indeed been teasing Folio on purpose. Folio knew it, Jolly as sceptical as he could be at times, always had a reason, and it didn’t feel like he had one this time so he was taking his words with a grain of salt.

“Besides, Ishtar is worth everything, nothing anything that any of the guys could say to me would be enough to upset how happy she makes me.”

When Jolly snorted at that with a remark of Sap, Folio just turned around and flipped him off with both his middle fingers this time, earning a laugh.

“Folio, but seriously, tomorrow, go with simple, not fancy, pizza, diner, chinese take out sitting on the curb and eating out of boxes, she doesn’t care what you do, she just wants to hang out with you man. Any chick that breaks your nose one day, and not only agrees to breakfast and a second date all in one go, just wants to get to know you.. Save the fancy for something really special… or when you’ve fucked up.”

Jolly smirked..

“And if you think about it, she’s lived here her whole life, she’d probably been to most places. So, wouldn’t it be better just to enjoy the day than to try to impress her with something she already knows?”

Huh, Folio was thoughtfully, he hadn’t considered it like that, he’d been thinking of it as introducing her to the places he liked.. Maybe, after tomorrow.. She could introduce him to a place he liked.. He liked that idea..

“Maybe not the chinese boxes sitting on the curbside though, that might be pushing the casual lunch idea just a little far, Jolly.”

Folio grinned as Ellie added her opinion, looking between his two friends, thankful that they were here to help him. He would have had no clue and be running around trying to figure out restaurants and ended up going to some place stupid..

“Maybe the diner, it’s one of my favourite places to go for lunch, because they have such an assortment of food, and it can lead into all kinds of topics if we run out of ideas.”

Pulling out his phone, ready to text Ishtar since he knew she wouldn’t be at work yet, and he didn't want to disturb her while she was at work tonight. Sending off the quick message about the diner and time and asking if that was okay.. 

Folio: 12 at the Diner on 5th okay for lunch? Princess: Perfect, I look forward to it! Folio: Can’t wait!

“Yesss, perfect, she agreed. It’s on!”

Folio almost couldn’t sit still, it wasn’t even lunchtime today, he hadn't to wait more than a whole day before he could see her again! He groaned loudly at the thought, catching Ellie’s attention immediately.

“Oh no, has something gone wrong?”

“I just realised that I don’t get to see her until tomorrow!”

The laughter that came from Jolly filled the whole room, Folio couldn’t even bring himself to give him the finger this time, he just wanted it to be tomorrow already!

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

Work Song

Written By: Hozier

Artist: Hozier

Released: 2014

Alternate version included: Live in America, 2015

This is the only song on Hozier’s self titled album to have a title that is not entirely composed of lyrics from the song. The song is about the love of a worker’s life lending him strength during a hard day’s work. The song encompasses indie with strong influences on folk, blues and negro spirituals.

[Verse 1] Boys, workin' on empty Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? I just think about my baby I'm so full of love I could barely eat There's nothin' sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be She give me toothaches just from kissin' me [Chorus] When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her [Verse 2] Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin I woke with her walls around me Nothin' in her room but an empty crib And I was burning up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived But I swear, I thought I dreamed her She never asked me once about the wrong I did [Chorus] When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her [Bridge] My babe would never fret none About what my hands and my body done If the Lord don't forgive me I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me When I was kissin' on my baby And she'd put her love down, soft and sweet In the low lamplight, I was free Heaven and hell were words to me [Chorus] When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

Lay All Your Love On Me

Written By: Björn Ulvaeus & Benny Andersson

Artist: ABBA

Released: 1981

Cover included: Amanda Seyfried & Dominic Cooper for Mamma Mia!, 2008

“Lay All Your Love On Me” explores the high emotions and passions that can emerge when falling in love, and documents one woman’s shift into erratic behaviors as she falls under the spell of her new lover. The song hit number one in the US dance charts in 1981, but has lasted in popularity over the years, becoming an ABBA staple. It was featured in the band’s jukebox musical (and its movie adaption), Mamma Mia, and in 2006 was named the 60th greatest dance song of all time by Slant magazine.

[Verse 1] I wasn't jealous before we met Now every woman I see is a potential threat And I'm possessive, it isn't nice You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice [Pre-Chorus] But now it isn't true Now everything is new And all I've learned has overturned I beg of you [Chorus] Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me [Verse 2] It was like shooting a sitting duck A little small talk, a smile, and baby, I was stuck I still don't know what you've done with me A grown-up woman should never fall so easily [Pre-Chorus] I feel a kind of fear When I don't have you near Unsatisfied, I skip my pride I beg you, dear [Chorus] Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don't go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me [Verse 3] I've had a few little love affairs They didn't last very long and they've been pretty scarce I used to think that was sensible It makes the truth even more incomprehensible [Pre-Chorus] 'Cause everything is new And everything is you And all I've learned has overturned What can I do? [Chorus] Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don't go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don't go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me

[taylormereditholivia1989]

I am still so grateful that @taylorswift liked the post of me and my sister Kate during the Lover era! For sure the most surrealist thing that's ever happened!

We are finally seeing Taylor live this year!! We have dreamt of seeing her live since we were young (7 and 4 years old). Money has always been tight for us. Our Mum and Dad knew how much we really wanted to go to the Speak Now tour in Belfast but unfortunately could not make it happen. ❤️

By the time 1989 and reputation came to Dublin, I eagerly watched videos of the tours on YouTube and posted updates on my tumblr. However, by then my little sister Kate was seriously struggling and repeatedly hospitalised with the (then undiagnosed) and vert rare connective tissue disorder that is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Kate unintentionally lost a significant of weight during these years and stopped getting nutrition from her food. We were terrified and didn't know what would happen.

We were born with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Dysautonomia, but these were only diagnosed last year. 🦓🦓💛💛

I have dealt with my symptoms from my early teens. My sister Kate has struggled since childhood. This has made socialising and forming solid friendships impossible as we are typically too ill to meet up.

Kate has a knee operation coming up soon. I have kyphosis surgery. We don't yet know if this will be before or after the eras tour in June. We hope everything works out and we can see Taylor live to celebrate all the eras.

To see Taylor right in front of us at Dublin Night One still feels too good to be true. This is what we have been waiting for all these years. I can't wait to sing and dance with Taylor and thousands of other fans for one magical night. I can't wait to have the best evening ever with my parents and my sister. This is what Kate and I have spent hundreds of hours sitting around the fire, carefully analysing verses and discussing hidden meanings. 🔮

Kate and I use a wheelchair part time. We do, however, plan to stand during the eras concert in the front right with our parents for a once in a lifetime experience. We will wear our braces and keep our pain medication topped up. We will get through the night. We know laughs and memories from the tour will last us a lifetime. We have many more tests and examinations left to carry out, but no doubt your jams (especially the tortured poets department as well as future music you are probably already working on). 🤣

We most look forward to hearing the song marjorie live. We both cried when we first listened to it. Taylor describes her grandmother beautifully. We feel especially connected to our grandfather when we listen to this. We discovered a few months back that we inherited our rare genetic condition from our grandfather. He passed young as it went undiscovered. We believe listening to marjorie helps keep his memory alive because we think of him. 💙☀️

We are lucky to have Taylor's music as a form of therapy. We relate to her quirks and her awkward and lovable sense of humour. We genuinely believe Taylor is the funniest person to ever live and we are entranced by how she is so unapologetically herself. Being 5ft 10 and seeing Taylor in the media has really helped me to be more comfortable and accepting of my height and my overall appearance.

@taylorswift if you just so happen to see this post or catch a glimpse of our sequin dresses, curly hair and ever-glittery eye makeup on stage please know: Kate and I are beyond ecstatic to celebrate at your concert. We are going to sing and dance like we have always dreamed of doing. Please ignore our clicking knees and hips if you just so happen to hear them up on the stage. I can say with almost 99% certainty any clicking will be our 22 and 19 year old bodies just doing their thing lol. 🤣

P.S. We can't wait to see your extremely sparkly outfits, shoes and makeup (we really REALLY love glitter in case it wasn't already obvious!!) in person. We love how unhinged you are with sparkles!! 💜

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

- Anna (and the slightly more monotone but equally as funny, Kate). 🩷🩷

[backgroundelf]

hello, can you tel me about “Source; it came to me in a dream”?

A few months ago I had a dream where instead of taking the ring to Mordor, Frodo and the Ring stayed in Rivendell, which went about as well as could be expected. Sauron's forces laid siege to the valley. During a heavy bout of fighting, the defenses of Rivendell are broken. Frodo grabs the ring, intending to run away and it slips on. Instead of turning invisible, he is sucked into the ring and comes face to face with Sauron himself (I tried to put this under a readmore but tumblr was being stupid)

“Well, aren’t you a curious little thing?” a voice, as smooth and deadly as poison, purred.  Frodo scrambled to his feet and turned towards the speaker. He was lounging in Elrond’s chair, red hair spilling out from under a rusted iron crown. He wore robes that were once white, but the hems and sleeves had been stained black with ash. One eye burned like fire, but the other was nothing more than an empty socket with cracks spreading out from the wound. Despite all this, he was still beautiful, fair in a dreadful way.  He stood and stretched, lazily making his way to the pedestal in the center of the ruined courtyard. “I suppose I should thank you,” he said. “Because of you, I will be able to reclaim what is rightfully mine.” He reached out towards the pedestal where the Ring lay. “No!” Frodo yelled.  Sauron smiled. “It’s a bit late for that.” He lunged for the Ring. Sparks flashed against his fingertips and he yanked back his hand. He looked down at the burned flesh, then to the Ring, and finally at Frodo. “Interesting.” “You cannot have it,” Frodo said, stepping closer to the Ring.  “Are you going to claim it then?” Sauron asked as if he had no interest in the answer. Frodo looked at the Ring, then at Sauron. “Go. Leave us, and never come back.” He spoke with a strength he did not feel, and a strength Sauron clearly did not believe. “Very well,” Sauron said. “I will leave. When I get my Ring back. You have no claim to it.” “I inherited it from my uncle. It came to me by right,” Frodo said. He may be terrified, but he was also a hobbit, and hobbits were annoyingly thorough when it came to legal matters such as inheritance. Sauron laughed. “Oh, this is rich. A masterwork into which the crafter has poured his very fëa is stolen, and then is passed on to a thief’s heir. Then, when the proper owner of the piece comes to reclaim their stolen property, they are told they have no right to it, because thievery and inheritance trump everything else. Eru does have a sense of irony after all.”  “You cannot have the Ring,” Frodo repeated. “Oh, but I will have it. It’s just a matter of time. You will die, likely very soon, and that barrier will fall. I’m in no rush, I can wait.” He settled back into Elrond's chair. “But you? Each moment we are in here is bought with your allies’ lives. Spend them frivolously, I don’t care, but I’m sure you do. Creatures of the light are always so…sentimental. Of course, you could save them. Renounce your claim, lower the barrier, and once the rIng is mine, I’ll leave. You have my word.” Frodo shook his head. “You will leave today and return with a greater force tomorrow. I cannot let you have the Ring.” “Then it seems we are at an impasse,” Sauron said. He leaned forward, resting his chin on his interlaced fingers. “Shall we play a game? The winner gets the Ring, and the loser leaves.” “A game?” Frodo said. He thought of Bilbo, his heart aching to think he would likely never see his beloved uncle again. “How about a game of riddles?” “Riddles?” Sauron asked with a grin. He looked around at the living shadows. “In the dark? I was thinking of something a little older. Do you know where your riddle game came from? It used to be a challenge of songs. Trading verse and weaving words until the mightier singer stood victorious. But time passed, as it is want to do, and the songs devolved into riddles. What once was a true contest of wills became a children’s game.”  “You would have us sing at each other?” Frodo asked. Sauron nodded. “Indeed. A proper challenge, worthy of such high stakes. I’ll even be a good sport and let you go first.”

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Mahiru T1 Cover - Psychogram

Here's your pal back again with another cover analysis! Am I getting annoying yet? Mahiru time let's go! Psychogram's a cool song, really unique sounding! And, because Mahiru actually has a lover to sing this to, it makes it easier to connect the song to her!

... We just, you know, have to make sure we don't accidentally make her sound like an irredeemabe insane person. I swear it's not as bad as it looks, believe me, please-

CW Murder and mentioned suicide, abusive and toxic relationships.

So... Psychogram is about a girl who fits the 'yandere' trope, I don't think there's a better way to put it.

I love you so much You're too wonderful, I don't want to let anyone else have you Hey, if not me, who would you choose? Come on, don't be scared It's just a fable, a what-if If you won't answer, then I don't need you

I've had enough of apologies Just keep smiling like that forever Don't make me worry; this hard goodbye Will never happen again I love you so much I dreamed of being together, just the two of us Don't run away anymore, I'll protect you I'll toy with all the things that get in our way, One after another It's all for you, I don't need anyone else

(Translation)

"Toying with the things that get in our way" may sound weird, possibly due to translation issues, but essentially it means she will easily deal with anything standing in the way of 'their' love, as if they're just playthings.

The word 'psychogram' doesn't really have a consistent definition, but the most applicable is that it's something which describes the mental functioning of an individual. It's used two times in the song.

It was always going to end this way Is your color changing because I touched you? From your open mouth, a face appears A sweet, sweet psychogram

The first verse has the singer claiming she can see her love interest's 'psychogram' just from their words ("open mouth"), in other words, believing she always understood her partner's emotions perfectly or something along those lines. That's why "it was always going to end this way", because "their color changed when the protagonist touched them", which I believe would imply blushing. Basically, she thinks her interest has always been in love with her.

It's so heavy, it gives me a shock Come on, tie me up tightly You'd better eat every last bite Of the sweet, sweet psychogram

The other case has the singer offering her partner her own psychogram to 'eat', meaning she wants them to accept her as she is. And I'm choosing to strategically ignore the "tie me up tightly" line.

And just in case you're worried I'm reading the lyrics uncharitably, the song ends with the singer killing the other.

I love you so much You're too wonderful, I don't want to let anyone else have you Hey, if not me, who would you choose? Come on, don't be scared It's just a fable, a what-if You won't answer, huh? You're disgusting Come on, don't be scared I'll never let you go

So, uh. Yeah, that's the basic premise of the song. Which is, uh... not a great look for Mahiru, gotta say. I see why the "yandere" interpretation of Ai Nan Desu Yo was so popular in Trial 1.

In any case, what's important to take away from Psychogram in relation to Mahiru aren't the actions the protagonist takes, but rather the feelings they have for their love interest. Going line by line, we first have the idea it was always meant to be and wanting to fully understand their lover, their 'psychogram':

It was always going to end this way [1] Is your color changing because I touched you? From your open mouth, a face appears A sweet, sweet psychogram [2]

[1] [Love is (Un)Dead] (T2 VD) Mahiru: I thought it was fate. He said it was, too.

[2] [Ai Nan Desu Yo] This is a claim of responsibility From the two of us with matching love Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can't come true It's all because of love

The relationship is tumultuous and the love is too much.

"What is that face you've never shown to me?" Hey, let's make it sting "When will you give in and be my friend?" Hey, let's make it sting [1] There's nothing here but foul words They swallowed me up I get it, I get it I agree, there was enough love in the first place [2]

[1] [Ai Nan Desu Yo] We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad

[2] [I Love You] My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight

Overwhelming love which is scary or inconvenient for the partner (please ignore the murderous undertones in Psychogram)

I love you so much You're too wonderful, I don't want to let anyone else have you Hey, if not me, who would you choose? Come on, don't be scared It's just a fable, a what-if If you won't answer, then I don't need you

[I Love You] This can’t go on, something’s got to give, I even love saying the words, “I love you” My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!

Wanting to be accepted fully as they are.

It's so heavy, it gives me a shock Come on, tie me up tightly You'd better eat every last bite Of the sweet, sweet psychogram

[I Love You] It’s ok for everyone else but not for me Unfair and stuck between in love and love Kiss good-bye to this feeling cuz it’s too heavy? I can’t, no way no way no way

Uh... calling?

"Answer me right away--where are you now?" Hey, let's make it sting

[Ai Nan Desu Yo] Ring ring, I'm calling you in the middle of the night Forcing you to wake up, and I say "Good Morning!"

Not wanting to separate ever, even when they apparently drift away sometimes.

I've had enough of apologies Just keep smiling like that forever Don't make me worry; this hard goodbye Will never happen again I love you so much I dreamed of being together, just the two of us Don't run away anymore, I'll protect you I'll toy with all the things that get in our way, One after another It's all for you, I don't need anyone else [...] Come on, don't be scared I'll never let you go

[Ai Nan Desu Yo] If you don't hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart. [...] Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual, Is because I love you

You see? Again, I don't feel like I have to elaborate on the connections beyond putting similar lyrics next to each other, since the connection is pretty straightforward if you ignore the murderous tendencies. One other connection is the love interest winds up dead as a result of the protagonist's love, which again directly connects to Mahiru and I don't think I need to really explain.

The final thing to note is that last line, "I'll never let you go", which in the video plays when the partner is already dead. This could play into the shinju (double suicide motivated by love) theory of Mahiru's "murder", which is too long to get into here, but if you want to read more about it, you can do so in this amazing post by dearmahiru. I personally find it quite likely, it's very interesting!

Yeah I don't know what else to say for this one. Take care!

[amberjazmyn]

always with me 💔

pairing : max verstappen x fem!reader, lando norris x fem!reader, oscar piastri x fem!reader & charles leclerc x fem!reader

summary : with the lyrics of westlife's song "always with me" we will see four of the f1 grid drivers (m.verstappen, l. norris, o. piastri and c. leclerc) or their partner deal with someone they love pass away, a verse or line or two of the song describing it

warnings : tears, death, mentions of f1 death, mentions of terminal illnesses and dodgy google translations 

a/n : this is going to be written in the same format as the last one-shot since i loved that so much. the lyrics in bold italics and everything else will be in normal font and lowercase. and as a disclaimer, what i have written is not to sensationalise or capatalise on any of the real-life deaths talked about whilst fake deaths will also be talked about. it is awful that real-life crashes have occured during an f1 race, this is just a work of fiction with real-life elements to make the storyline make more sense. 

max verstappen:

we share our life together, built our dreams forever, this much i know that is true. but i'd give anything to see your smile again and have just one more dance with you

you and max had shared everything together, from sharing the same dreams to just sharing the simple things of life with one another. however, that was no longer going to happen. a couple of months ago, just short of your three-month wedding anniversary, you passed away from a terminal illness and it completely blindsided both you and your new husband, max. of course it did, no one had expected you to become so ill but, you did and there was nothing that could have stopped it nor could have possibly prevented it from killing you. because it had been detected so late, it was already at the stage of being completely incurable, and not even chemotherapy or any other kind of therapy was able to help prevent it.

tears streamed down max's face as he sat himself down at the new gravestone that had just been put up for you. max verstappen was a well-known formula 1 driver with red bull and right now, he would be driving the british grand prix at silverstone but right now, he had graciously been given bereavement leave by red bull, which was why he was still in the netherlands, at the cemetery where his wife would forever lay. placing the bouquet of flowers on your headstone, max leaned back, sitting back down, grateful that the grass wasn't wet from any rain that was supposedly meant to come through the day before. this was a regular thing for max to do since getting his paid bereavement leave, come down to the cemetery and visit your gravestone. sometimes he'd stay for as short as five minutes to as long as one time he didn't leave the cemetery until it was two minutes from the gate's closing time. but, today, it was obvious for max that today wasn't going to be a day he'd want to stay too long. it was too painful for him to stay any longer than an hour because, for some reason, today was not the best day for him and he just couldn't fathom why.

max sighed, wiping his tears away as he immediately thought up his favourite things about you. saying them in dutch since he remembers just how much you loved it when he'd speak dutch to you. the thing he loved the most about you was your smile. your smile was his favourite thing about you. he was envious of how bright and happy it always was. he then suddenly snickered softly after a memory passed through his mind. the memory wasn't anything too big or dramatic but, it was just a small memory that he wishes he could have held onto forever. it was at your wedding night a couple of months ago just before you guys were set to do your first dance. oh... that was another thing, how he wished he could just have one last dance with you. you were such an amazing dancer that it made up for max's not-so-coordinated dancing considering he was built to be an f1 driver and not a dancer. not that max was an awful dancer however, i mean, he would sometimes do really well when he was messing around or playing just dance on the wii but, he was the worst when it came to freestyle dancing. whereas you were the royal highness of freestyle dancing but most especially contemporary since that was the dancing you were taught the most as a child. which always confused everyone when you and max said you'd known each other since childhood because the question was "how?" since max was always doing karting and you were always doing dance competitions. 

you giggled as you noticed your now-husband, max staring at you as you smiled, "waar ben je naar aan het staren?" you giggled as max giggled too as he held you closer, just as you were about to go to the dance floor for you and your husband's first dance as mr and mrs verstappen what are you staring at?

"jouw lach. het is de hele dag niet één keer veranderd. en ik wilde ook alleen maar naar mijn vrouw staren, is dat nu illegaal, mevrouw verstappen?" max teased as you giggled again, your smile staying plastered on your face like it had been the whole day your smile. it's not changed once this whole day. and also, i just wanted to stare at my wife, is that now illegal, mrs verstappen?

"ja, omdat ik blij ben, meneer verstappen. en natuurlijk is het oké dat je naar me staart, en het is niet illegaal, ik was gewoon in de war. bovendien hebben we onze eerste dans en ik wil niet dat mensen op ons wachten," you whispered back as max rolled his eyes as he reluctantly walked out to the dance floor with you yeah, because i'm happy, mr verstappen. and, of course, it's okay for you to stare at me, and it's not illegal, i was just confused. besides, we have our first dance and i don't want people waiting for us

you and max then danced your first dance as the verstappen's and, you couldn't help the smile that stayed on your face. you were so proud of max because he had finally gotten the steps of the first dance correctly. and, like you always told him, he was a good dancer, he just had to focus on the steps but to not forget to also not to overthink it too much, because that's why he'd often mess up during rehearsals. because he'd be overthinking the moves too much as well as worrying about his f1 physique and it would confuse him and that would be the reason why he'd just suddenly stop halfway through their dance rehearsals for their wedding whilst you would just continue.

the guests continued to cheer as you and max ran off the dance floor as everyone else ran onto it so they could continue the party as the slow song that was playing for the first dance was all of a sudden changed to an upbeat track. then, you just kissed max because of how proud you were of him for not overthinking the steps and being so seamless in his dancing. you guys then starting whispering to each other in english, even though you'd usually speak in dutch if you didn't want others hearing you, no one was going to because they were all so focused on the fact that the real party of the wedding had finally started. so you didn't feel like you had to speak in dutch. 

"...see, i told you maxie! you can dance! you just did it then and you didn't mess up once, you were perfect!" you bursted out in pride as max smiled, his cheeks going pink

"yeah, because you were with me and you're like, the royal highness of dancing, babe. that's the only reason, if i had to do that entire thing on my own, i'd be falling over and dancing with two left feet!" max rolled his eyes dramatically which made you roll your eyes as well

"oh yeah, that's a lie babe! you weren't overthinking and you weren't trying to do too many things at once, that's why. and besides, you can dance, and you can dance more amazingly then you actually give yourself credit for considering you are a formula 1 driver..." your voice was fading as max was leaving the memory and back to real life when he heard the voice of a slightly younger woman who was sitting down at a gravestone next to him, speaking in dutch, a different contrast to the english between you and max 

"...gaat het, lieverd?" the girl asked, noticing that max was now sobbing silently, slightly frightened by the new voice but nodded his head as he smiled at the girl - she couldn't have been any older than twenty-seven are you okay darling?

he then noticed the gravestone that she was kneeling in front of and his heart almost broke. it seemed like she was visiting the grave of her spouse, just like he was.

"ja sorry. het gaat goed met me," max giggled uncomfortably as the girl offered max a tissue, which he gladly accepted as she then moved closer and started asking questions about who's gravestone it was that max was sitting in front of yeah, sorry. i'm fine

"als ik vragen mag, wie zie je dan?" the girl questioned as he smiled, wiping his tears away and sniffled if i may ask, who is it that your seeing?

"mijn vrouw... we waren net een paar maanden geleden getrouwd, maar helaas werd zij binnen een paar weken na ons huwelijk ongeneeslijk ziek en overleed niet lang daarna..." max trailed off as the girl sighed in empathy as she nodded her head my wife...we had just got married a couple of months ago but, sadly, she unfortunately, got terminally ill within a couple of weeks after our wedding and then passed away not long after that

"...en jij? wiens graf is dat?" he then asked softly as the girl smiled in the same way that max had what about you? whose grave is that?

"mijn man... hij is twee jaar geleden overleden, we waren geliefden op de middelbare school en toen kreeg hij niet lang nadat we getrouwd waren ook kanker, net zoals jouw vrouw. Ik weet niet hoe, maar we kwamen er doorheen en toen stierf hij op een avond in mijn armen..." the girl trailed off, however there were no tears as she explained it and it kind of gave max some hope that he'll eventually stop crying when explaining what happened to his own wife my husband...he passed away two-years-ago, we were high school sweethearts and then he developed cancer not long after we got married too, just like your wife did. i don't know how but, we get through it and then, he died in my arms one night

"...oh, het spijt me zo om dat te horen. en als ik het niet erg vind: hoe lang duurde het voordat je stopte met huilen toen mensen je naar hem vroegen?" max questioned with a small sniffle, his tears starting to subside as the girl smiled oh, i'm so sorry to hear that. also, if you don't mind me asking, how long did it take for you to stop crying when people asked you about him?

"persoonlijk duurde het bij mij tot een paar weken geleden, maar dat betekent niet dat het bij jou zo lang zal duren. ik ben niet beschut, ik weet wie je bent, max verstappen, maar als je terugkeert naar de formule 1, zal het je helpen sneller te genezen. misschien duurt het een jaar of misschien zelfs een paar maanden. er is geen goed of fout. als je morgen stopt met huilen, is dat ook goed. en in welke herinnering zat jij toen ik merkte dat je huilde als ik het vraag, want ik heb dezelfde herinnering elke keer als ik hier kom om mijn man te bezoeken," max smiled as the girl asked him that personally, for me, it took around until a couple of weeks ago but, that doesn't mean that it'll take that long for you. i'm not sheltered, i know who you are, max verstappen, but when you return to formula 1, it'll help you heal quicker. maybe it'll take a year or maybe even a couple of months. there's no wrong or right. if you stop crying over it tomorrow, that's okay as well. also, what memory were you in when i noticed you were crying if you don't mind me asking, because i have the same memory every time i come here to visit my husband

"onze eerste dans op onze bruiloft. ik ben uiteraard niet de beste danseres, maar mijn vrouw, zij... zij was de beste danseres ooit. maar eerlijk gezegd was ze een getrainde hedendaagse danseres, dus het is logisch dat ze een betere danseres is dan ik, maar ja. ik geef er alles voor om haar te zien lachen en nog één keer met haar te dansen..." max trailed off as the girl nodded her head and stood up and walked away our first dance at our wedding. i'm not the best of dancers, obviously, but my wife, she...she was the best dancer ever. in fairness to her though, she was a trained contemporary dancer so, it makes sense that she's a better dancer than me but, yeah. i just give anything to see her smile and have one more dance with her

but, before she did walk away, she told max what memory she has about her husband, "...dat is mooi, want ik heb precies dezelfde herinnering aan mijn man en ik op onze bruiloft tijdens onze eerste dans. mijn man was ook een geschoolde hedendaagse danser en was een veel betere danser dan ik..." that's lovely because, i have the same exact memory of my husband and i at our wedding during our first dance. my husband was also a trained contemporary dancer and was a way better dancer than i was

lando norris:

now i'm half the man without you, and it's getting harder every day

lando couldn't breathe. well, he could but barely. it had barely been a couple of days after his best friend harry had dropped dead from what was a suspected suicide attempt and already, lando felt as though he was half the man without his best friend. it felt as though he would never be able to stop crying because it was all he found himself able to do. he was thankful to have you, his wife, your dog, the rest of his family and his formula 1 teammates by his side but, it still didn't feel whole like it would have if his best friend was alive. you could tell that this whole situation of his best friend killing hismelf and then having to rush home from the airport since the next f1 grand prix was supposed to start again after two weeks off to then rush to the hospital to be told his friend had died had exhausted him out. and then, on top of that, because lando was the closest person to his best friend by way of family, lando had to help in the planning of the funeral for his best friend and it was obvious how stressful this was for your grieving husband. the worst part of all was the fact it was being publicised everywhere because of lando's f1 fame. sure, the moment you become famous, basically everything about you becomes public knowledge but, this, this you thought was a little bit too far. who on this earth wants to read a news article about your husband's best friend dying of suicide? well, clearly the oddballs because your eyes widened at how many clicks this certain article that you had accidentally stumbled upon was receiving daily. your heart sank as you then lifted your head up from the image that had been photographed of your husband with the mother of the deceased best friend from a day or two ago to look at your husband, lando, who seemed to have the same sunken, grieving look on his face that he had in the photo.

you threw the tablet down to the bed and extended your hand out to lando who immediately grabbed it, "...what's going on in that head of yours, babe?" you questioned as lando huffed shakily as he shrugged his shoulders

"i...i have no idea, y.n. i'm just so stressed, i..." lando couldn't even finish his sentence because he just started to cry out of the blue - grateful that it was just you two in the house, the family giving the both of you a break

"...oh, honey. i know, it's not easy my love but you are doing so well!" you whispered as you tightly embraced lando as he continued to cry into your shoulder, his body sagged from exhaustion

"is this ever going to get easier?" lando whimpered as he closed his eyes and let the river of tears that welled in his eyes pour down his cheeks as you sighed, hugging your grief-stricken husband tighter

"i think so, lan. not right now because everything's happening so quickly with the planning of the funeral and all the phone calls you and harry's mum have had to make but, i do believe it'll get easier. the hurt you feel currently will start to fade and it won't hurt as much as it does right now. but, how long it'll take, i have no idea," you sighed softly as lando limply nodded his head

you could tell he was so exhausted but, it was the exhaustion that couldn't be fixed with sleep. however, you could tell that he was also tired, one that could be fixed with sleep. so, your heart broke in the knowledge that you didn't know what to do to help your husband. you didn't want to send him upstairs to your guys' room but you knew that the phone calls he and his best friend's mum were doing was causing him so much stress and you just wished you could take his pain away. so, you decided the best thing was for you to send lando up to your guys' bedroom to have a quick sleep while you and his best friend's mum continued the phone calls to the extended family and the rest of the planning that lando was tasked to do alongside his best friend's mum.

"lan, babe, i don't think you're in the right headspace to continue with the phone calls and funeral planning so, go upstairs and have a sleep for about an hour or two and i'll continue the phone calls and help harry's mum with the funeral planning until you wake up again, okay? is that okay with you?" you proposed as you could tell your proposal to help almost made lando cry all over again

"no, y.n, babe, it's fine, i can do it! i just needed to take a breather, i'm fine, i need to do it. harry's mum can't do it on her own, she needs me to help her..."

"...and i understand you want to help harry's mum, i get it, sweetheart. but, babe, look at the state of you, you are not in the right state of mind to be on the phone with his family and the funeral directors. there's a reason why his mum has been attempting to be this strong and it's because she has to. so, i'll ask you again, go upstairs to our room and i'll take care of this. what you need is sleep. you are wrecked and the only way you'll be able to continue is if you rest and take care of yourself. you are not okay, lan, you just lost your best friend..." you trailed off as lando's eyes closed and he covered his face with his hands

you felt awful for making your husband cry again but, it seemed as though lando was still in a battle of the denial and depression stages of grief and it had only been about, two or three days since his best friend passed away.

"...you need to take care of yourself babe, i'm sorry for making you cry again but, you cannot keep overwhelming yourself with these phone calls and everything else of the sort. remember, whilst the others on the grid don't know everything, they still know some of what's going on and like me, they also want to help. so, maybe, it'll be a good thing if you shoot them a quick text in the group chat or ring one of them and, once i've finished a couple of phone calls myself, i'll come upstairs to join you for that nap, deal?" you tried to convince lando but, it seemed like you didn't even need to try since lando just weakly nodded his head in agreement as you smiled softly with a head nod

"okay, i'll text the group chat and have a sleep. thank you, babe, i love you so much," lando whispered as he sauntered over to you and gave you a hug and the sweetest kiss as you smiled and nodded your head

"of course, babe. i didn't just marry you because of how attractive you are," you joked in the hope of getting your husband to giggle and, for a moment, it worked which you nearly screamed the house down over

but, it wasn't until you watched him ring up the group chat, oscar answering, that you truly realised how hard lando had taken the death of his best friend. whilst it brought tears to your own eyes, watching your husband be so grief-stricken and almost lifeless over the phone with oscar and his teammates broke your heart, you knew it was still something that brought that little bit of joy when he got to hear the voices of his f1 grid family on the other line of the phone that made this loss that little bit easier to deal with. 

sure, right now, a couple of days after the death of lando's best friend harry was going to be hard and painful but, it wasn't going to stay this painful forever and soon, lando would be able to find it easier to breathe and easier to be without his best friend.

oscar piastri:

i'll never let go, you're the one that keeps me breathing. time slows even though the world keeps spinning

it hadn't even been that long since you and oscar had gotten married in london's west end when the heartbreaking news of oscar's dad's death had been confirmed. you hadn't been at the hospital in london that day since you were running some errands but you knew that oscar was since there was a two week break inbetween the last and next grand prix and that, he'd need you the moment he gave you that specific code word to let you know that your father-in-law had passed away. so, when you received that code word from your husband, you dropped everything you were doing (literally) and you rushed to the car.

you knew that oscar's heart was shattered and that he was barely breathing. even for you, your world was slowing down but you could not imagine how slow oscar's was whilst the world around him kept spinning. so you knew you needed to hurry up because there was only so long oscar could keep his tears to himself before he'd just drop to the floor and cry.

thankfully, you weren't that far away and you had arrived in a whopping five minutes that would normally have been fifteen minutes from where you were to the hospital that mr piastri had been in. and, almost immediately, you could tell by the distraught look on oscar's face that he was seconds from breaking down into tears. so, very quickly, as your world started to speed up to normal speed again and oscar's stayed at slow, you managed to whisk him out of the hospital room and into the privacy of the hospital's waiting room hallway as you held your husband ever so tightly as he just cried and cried and cried.

you couldn't help the tears that streamed down your own cheeks as oscar sobbed hysterically into your shoulders. it seemed like his tears weren't ever going to stop as you rubbed your hand up and down his back in a very futile effort to console him but, it was as though he was inconsolable and you couldn't blame him. you knew exactly what the loss of a parent felt like, you lost your own dad when you were twelve years old, two years after you had met oscar for the first time actually and you just remembered how supportive oscar and his whole family were. but, none were more supportive and helpful in your grief then oscar's dad, when you would sometimes be inconsolable, mr piastri just knew the things to do and say to you that would get those tears to stop and it was only in this moment that you wished you had recorded those words on your phone so that you could play them for oscar right now. because it seemed like no matter what you whispered or did, nothing could possibly help stop oscar's cries of pain, anguish and grief over the loss of his father.

"...i am so sorry, baby. your dad loved you so much. and you were such an amazing son to him as well, never forget that..." you trailed off, slightly disheartened that nothing you could say could console your husband but, you had to remember that this was only hours recent for oscar whereas, for you, it's been up to a decade, even longer since your own dad died

so, you took a deep breath and you pulled out of the hug. which, of course broke your heart because seeing your husband cry was the worst thing in the world for you, you just coached him into taking some deep breaths. because, since he was crying so much and his breathing was uneven, he was going to start to hyperventilate which would send him into a panic attack which was not what you or oscar needed. so, finally, oscar got his breathing under control and his tears slowly but surely started to cease and his wails were no longer loud, the tears were silent and his breathing was slightly shaky. but, this oscar, this oscar was easier to comfort and talk to whereas the other oscar that was sobbing and wailing was not easy to talk to since it wasn't registering in his mind that someone was talking to you, let alone his own wife.

"...osc, my love, do you feel somewhat better?" you whispered after calming down oscar as he shrugged his shoulders after he had hesitated to nod his head yes

"i...i don't know...dad's gone, babe. my dad's dead..." oscar trailed off as tears started to well in his eyes again as you squeezed his hand tightly, telling him that it was okay to cry absolutely but not to work himself up in the state he was before

"...i know babe. i know he's gone but, we need to calm down because we can't help if we're hysterical, alright? so, what do you need to do and what do you want to do? do you want to stay here with your family and ring the important people or do you wanna go home and i can ring everyone from home?" you gave oscar options, knowing if he'd be unsure, he could pick from the options you gave him which, you could tell appreciated as he wiped his tears off his cheeks as he composed himself

"umm, can...can we go home? i can't, i can't stay here anymore..." oscar sniffled as he wiped more tears from his cheeks as you nodded your head

"...of course we can babe, we don't need to say here but, it'll be helpful to tell your mum that we're leaving and if there is anyone we need to call, we can do it for them, okay?" you proposed as oscar nodded his head

"thank you," he whispered, resting his head on your shoulder as you bit your lip, brushing your fingers through his messy hair

"of course, sweetheart. it's not a problem or worry at all. if you need to go back home, we'll go back home," you whispered back and kissed your husband, only wishing you could take his pain and go through it all over again with your dad's death so he didn't have to with his own dad

by the time you and oscar had let mrs piastri know that you guys were going home but if there was anyone they needed to call to lessen the stress on her and everyone else, they'd do it. she thanked you and oscar and said there wasn't anyone in the family they needed to call. but, if you wanted to call his team leader at mclaren and the rest of the f1 grid to let them know, that you could do that because you both knew that oscar would need their help over anyone else's and, you agreed.

even though oscar's world was spinning ever so slowly whilst everyone else's was spinning normally, you promised you weren't going to let his world stay spinning slowly nor would you let it spiral out of control. so, you informed his f1 grid family of the news before the press could and asked if and when they could get over to london that it would be much appreciated since she knew she couldn't console her husband on her own.

but, there was no doubt in your mind that eventually, oscar's world would go back to spinning normally, just right now, it wouldn't be and that was okay. as long as it didn't stay spinning slowly forever, you were okay with that.

charles leclerc:

they say that time can heal a broken heart but i just don't know how this could be true. everyday i see a picture on my wall, my heart is broken into two.

your heart broke as you saw the melancholic look on your husband's face as he looked at the photo of his dad and godfather, herve leclerc and jules bianchi, that was hanging up on the wall of your guys' house. you could tell his heart was breaking into two. yours was as well. mr leclerc had died back in twenty-seventeen when charles was twenty just four days before charles would go on to win the feature race at the twenty-seventeen baku formula two round, two days before mr leclerc died, charles had lied to him saying he had been signed a contract with formula 1. jules, his godfather, dying in twenty-fifteen during a race, two years before herve would die from a terminal illness. two years, they had died within a space of two years and it was too much for anyone to handle however, it had now been a considerable amount of years since both deaths however, it was coming up to the annviersary of his godfather, jules, death. the anniversary of his dad's death just gone in june. charles was so young when he lost his godfather and then two years later, as he's months away from joining formula 1, he loses his dad. it was a grief and a  trauma that hung over the ferarri driver constantly. charles adored jules and his father, he loved them more than he thought he could have loved anyone, of course, other than the rest of his family and you, his wife. so, you just knew charles' heart was breaking every single day that passed because the only things he now has left of his dad and godfather were the photos and the videos and the memories they shared together, no longer having the opportunity to create new ones with them ever again. 

however, this day, you could tell that charles was thinking about something and it was eating away at him so, you asked him, "what's going on in that head of yours, charles?" you questioned softly, wrapping your arms around his waist as your head rested on his shoulder as he sniffled softly

"something that mum said to us not long after dad had died at jules' grave..." charles sniffled as your heart sank, you knew exactly what it was that charles was going to say since it was not a new thing anymore

"...yeah, what was it?" you asked even though you both knew what it was, you just knew it would be beneficial for charles to say it so, he said it

"they say that time can heal a broken heart but, i don't think that's true..." charles sobbed softly as you hugged him tighter as you sighed

"...your mum lost the love of her life, charles, of course she's going to say that...besides, you guys also lost your godfather two years earlier, what else could she have said..." you trailed off, hoping it wouldn't come off as offensive to your father-in-law and husband's godfather as charles smiled softly

"...i know but, could it be true? can time heal a broken heart?" charles wandered, it was truthfully something he wondered the moment his grief-stricken mother said those words after his dad died whilst at the grave of his deceased godfather

 "well, personally, my mum thinks so. i mean, she remarried the man who would become my father after her first love, well, who she thought was the love of her life, died so, i suppose time can heal a broken heart..." you trailed off as charles smiled as he nodded his head

"... mais, le voudriez-vous?" charles then questioned in french, no longer bothered to speak in english as that stumped you, what on earth was your husband talking about now? but, would you?

"je ferais quoi, bébé?" you questioned with a soft giggle as alex scoffed and introduced the thing that's called context would i what, babe?

"est-ce que tu pourrais te remarier avec un autre homme si j'étais mort avant notre mariage et si j'avais eleanor et sage?" charles questioned as this stumped you even more even though you couldn't deny the fact you had thought about this, especially after jules' as you guys weren't old enough to be having kids let alone be in a serious commited relationship yet not so much after mr leclerc's either even though you were now married and had two daughters, you were more focused on the grief of the family that you had no time to think about it after mr leclerc's death would you possibly remarry another man if i had died before we got married and had eleanor and sage?

"well, i don't know, amore. i mean, mum's first husband died because he was terminally ill and knew that he wouldn't stay alive for the two of them to get married and have the timeline that he wanted so, he allowed my mum to fall in love again so she could still have the timeline that she wanted so, that's what she did. she met my dad, fell in love, and then got married and then had her seven kids. but, if you were to die on me now with our two kids and the third on the way, who knows what i'd do because maybe i won't or maybe i will fall in love again but, because i'm not in that situation, i have no idea... what about you, would you remarry if i died?" you responded with your answer, switching back to english seamlessly and then asked charles the same question as he sniffled, wiping away his tears

"well...yeah, i don't know. maybe if weren't already married and with our three kids, i'd consider marrying again but, because i'm with you and have our three kids, i don't think i would because you're all i want in my life...and, i think that's why mum said that..." charles trailed off as tears continued to stream down his face which you could tell was starting to slightly annoy him

"...yeah? because she knew there was no one else that she would love the same way or as greatly as she loved your father. as well as she knew that no matter how long it had been since the loss of both jules and your father, that she felt like time would never make it better. and it's true, some people who do become widows or widowers don't ever get married or even find another person because their person before was the only one for them and in their minds, there was no one else for them but that one person..." you trailed off as charles nodded his head, you could tell the cogs in his head were spinning so you allowed him and waited for his next thought

"...i just, i still can't believe, after so many years, that both jules and dad are gone, like, they're never coming back, babe..." charles' voice broke off at the end as his eyes widened once he realised what he had just said as your heart broke

"...oh, babe..." you trailed off as you turned charles around into your embrace, away from the photo on the wall and let him cry into your shoulder

you knew that charles just wished he could see his dad and godfather again instead of having to constantly look at the photos and the memories of his dad and godfather. but, you also knew that he knew that jules and mr leclerc were always going to be with him, whether that was on the f1 track or in his everyday life. you just hoped he knew that you were also going to always be with him no matter what.

fin

okay, this one was kinda messy and i'm pretty sure the european languages to english were dodgy as fuck but at this point i'm proud of myself alright? also, i'm sorry that this was super depressing, for those who are reading my books for the first time, depressing shit and angst is kind of my specialty but, in saying that, i do write happier and fluffier stuff, i just write angsty shit a whole lot better and seamlessly without making it awkward. also, just as a disclaimer, this was not at all meant to be disprespectful to those real people that have been lost in the real-life context of this one-shot since it was only two people and that was jules bianchi and herve leclerc since the other three were completely fictional deaths.

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[tengokusaikyo]

Mustafa D. Doctor

General Description: At first glance, Mustafa's personality to the average person in the vast world that he is in can be described in about a few words being, confident, determined, stubborn, kind and an idiot. He is a very act first, think later type of person and does whatever he thinks is right, to the dismay of the others around him. One of those things being his rule of never running from any fight, no matter what the consequences may be, including the possible loss of his own life. He doesn't care what others think of him, especially when it comes to how they feel about him claiming to eventually be the first 'Galactic Pirate King', and tries to have fun wherever and whenever he possibly can. He is very easy to talk to, having absurd amounts of charisma, despite being a complete moron at times, and is the type of person that everyone would want to be around. However after someone decides to get to know him, or is considered to be a friend, Mustafa's true qualities shine. Almost like a special ability, Mustafa is able to bring up those around him, likely relating to his charisma mentioned earlier, and the simple fact that him believing in himself, causes other's to believe in themselves through him. He allows people to become the best versions of themselves and gives them an unrivaled amount of hope, even if all odds are stacked against them. This type of energy is what allows the Galactic Pirates to essentially be the way they are and making them a formidable crew, almost seeming unstoppable to the public eye. Adding on to before, like many other shonen protagonists, Mustafa has a great and deep love for his friends, and is willing to do almost anything to help them in any way he can. This confidence and energy that he exudes is due to his upbringing and how he had been the complete opposite as a child, scared of everything and lacked the ability to have faith in himself. Through characters like Jamal, (his foster brother), Momo, (foster sister), and mainly Monkey D. Yuri, (foster sister), he learned to become the man he is seen as today and eventually achieve his dream of becoming the Galactic Pirate King.

Appearance: Unfortunately, I dislike using things like Pinterest or inspirations when it comes to characters in fictional anime-like verses due to the fact that I have my own imagining of them, and I feel is important for the character to look that way. HOWEVER, because I know this is Tumblr and having visualization for the character is important, I will try my best to find accurate pictures to use. I will also give my own descriptions to assist in the imagining process but just know that I do not acknowledge these as the way the characters ACTUALLY look, even if they may have similar features.

Age: Starts off story at 15, and ends off the first saga at 19.

Birthday: August 21st (Leo)

Height: Around 5'8-5'9

Saikyo Description: Black teenager with a lean muscular build and distinct light blue hair being his most prominent trait. Later on in the story he get's an X-shaped scar crossing from his eye onto his right cheek. His eyes are usually depicted as being the regular black anime eyes, but are also fine if imagined being silver. He also wears a necklace with a miniature drill on his neck at all times that looks like this.

Image of his general face and hair type as well as skin: FHS Image of hair color: Hair Color Image of Scar (imagine it was over his eye though): Scar Image of first outfit (imagine with drill necklace though): Fit

Abilities: Mustafa has various different abilities which only grow as the series continues. For the fact that I want to avoid spoilers, I will only mention the abilities he has at the start of the series and will add more later as more is revealed. His main power/ability that he uses is his devil fruit (kinda, more on that later) known as the Drill-Drill fruit, which allows the user to create drills around their body, like on their hands or feet, exactly like this. It's also possible to change the speed and sharpness of the drill to make it more effective, capping out at however much the user is capable of handling. If used on the feet and spinning fast enough, the user is able to levitate themselves and later on, be able to even fly if strong enough. The fruit with enough mastery is also able to cause the user to have drill like properties, creating almost like an armor around them which Mustafa named Drill Mode. The fruit is able to do various other things but for now that's all that will be mentioned.

Fun Facts

If not for wanting to become the Galactic Pirate King, Mustafa would have likely been something like a marine biologist due to his extreme love of fish and fish life

After being scared of things like possums, rats and other similar creatures, Mustafa has a great dislike of rodents of all kinds

Similar to Luffy, Mustafa loves food, in particular meat, but refuses to eat any sort of fish, which has almost costed him his life on multiple occasions

Mustafa, despite having enough charisma to be able to get any girl he would want, seemingly has no interest in getting with anyone (at the moment at least). He also has no idea what sex or any sexual act is whatsoever due to it being hidden from him. Although if asked what his type is, he would respond by saying: a powerful women who could beat his ass

Mustafa's favorite color is blue

Mustafa often imagines himself to be more villainous than he actually is, due to the fact of him wanting to seem like a menace evil pirate despite it not being true. Oftentimes he is lied to by his crew to seem scarier than he actually is.

Mustafa is not fully against killing despite the fact that he dislikes doing it and avoids it at any chance he gets. His fruit allows him to be extremely violent and possibly extremely dangerous, but he makes a conscious decision to always dull his drill to the point where it cannot even cut through anyone. However, if he is an extremely bad mood, which is not often or feels like it's deserving or the only way, Mustafa would kill.

[onpurposeilovehimonpurpose]

I should be sleeping, but instead, I am awake thinking of a fanfic that I plan to post.

I've been going back and forth about something and maybe someone here may have an opinion. Not sure if it'll sway me either way, but I'd like to get some feedback.

So in the book, I think there is a strong case for Henry having autism. It could've been a fever dream, but I could swear CMQ maybe commented and agreed about this theory somewhere?

That said, I definitely take a lot of things from the book when writing post movie-verse canon fics, but not everything from the book fits in movie canon. When it comes to certain things, I worry that I may be projecting from myself and from book Henry too much.

Does anyone have any thoughts about Henry being autistic? It's just a couple of lines and not at all the theme "if you can make it one?" of my story, but I also don't want to be writing and leaning into that being a part of Henry being his true self in the movie version fic if that didn't seem to translate as such. Maybe it doesn't have to for some I suppose and that may be all right too of course. Would love some feedback. Gonna actually try to sleep now.

Edit: I suppose I'll be taking some time to think about this and how it is interpreted into my story. I may wait a little while to post it as I reflect on how I intend to incorporate this into my story. Thank you to those who commented with their thoughts and the link to the CMQ thread.

[baconcolacan]

Okay so soulmate au. One where Tom and Tord are soulmates and they have a red thread connecting them. Then one where their red thread connects to a different person. This an ask for both AUs. I want to know how that would go. (Don’t ask me where these asks come from)

It’s my country’s independence day today so might as well answer some asks! Lol

Awrighty sooo. Lets start with the bastard child: Regimen.

Thread to each other: Tom would DEFINITELY not like it and will keep denying that Tord is his soulmate. While our local roachrat won’t be much different I think? More aggressive in his approach maybe.

Thread to another: I’m ngl, I think Tom’s thread would be linked to Edd in this universe, but they would dance around it a lot, maybe they aren’t ready.

Tord, well, I think he’d be pissed knowing his thread doesn’t connect to Tom. The only saving grace is that neither Tom nor Edd ever reveal that they’re linked.

Stay AU below:

YAY THE FAVORITE CHILD (LMAO)

Thread to each other: OOOOOO This is gonna be so cute! I’m also a sucker for the childhood friends to lovers trope, so teeny weeny Tom and Tord would have been SOOO EXCITED to find out that they were each others’ soulmates and would be inseparable.

But…uh oh, looks like they don’t always click. And that upsets and frustrates both of them.

It’ll pretty much be like in Stay’s normal verse but they don’t break up as much and try REALLY hard to make things work, cause they’re soulmates right?? This SHOULD be easy.

But it’s not….they fight, they disagree on a lot of things, sometimes the fights get really nasty….

Was the universe……wrong?

There’s a lot of heartbreak that happens, lots of expectations about each other unmet. Maybe, for the first time in history, their thread was the first fluke, cause everything just ISNT working….

When they’re older, they realize, they were unfair to each other, the expectation that they were soulmates made them look at each other a certain way.

Soulmates or not, a relationship takes WORK and realistic expectations of each other, true and honest, things wont just click automatically like magic…

It gets better when they’re older.

Threads to another:

I think, Tord would be the first one to yearn. He really likes Tom, he thinks he’s fun, he thinks he’s funny, he’s good for him when he needs to be brought back down to reality. He’s always been a dreamer, and Tom was always the realist, he helps him keep his feet on the ground.

He thinks that whoever his soulmate might be, they’re going to be the luckiest person out there.

He feels guilt for wanting to be with someone who isn’t meant to be his….but, he’s a dreamer right? There’s no harm in dreaming….

Tom might notice how much Tord looks after him. He sees the lingering gazes, the almost apologetic way he draws back when they make contact, the way he talks to him like he’s always saying a goodbye.

It’s irritating….but he wonders.

Tord has always felt like he was bigger than himself. He’s always looking for something more, pushing himself for a goal that seems impossible, running off to god knows where, but that life, that excitement in his eyes has always been infectious. Tom doesn’t know how someone could have that much energy about living….

And maybe someday, Tord will wander away to somewhere Tom can’t be.

And somehow? That thought….is scary….

When he looks down at his thread, and sees that it doesn’t lead back to Tord….

If one day, he wanders away…..

….would Tom ever see him again?

[brenninthetaylorverse]

more songs<333

just some songs that i've written lol.

i didn't split up the choruses and the verses just so you know lol!

remember the better days

When you have to bury your children

And close their eyes

When you have to watch as the rain soaks the ground

And watch as it dries

When you have to change the flowers

And clean the grave

Or when the soft sigh of winter

Leaves you sobbing 

Remembering better days

Just be cautious

Just be kind

Just be prepared for the worst

But always ready for a good time

Remember we all die someday

Remember that no matter where you are

I’ll always be right here

No matter how far

I will travel to where you are

To hug and kiss your face

Remember the better days

When your first love comes back

And tries to make wrongs right

When they say that they’re sorry

But you can’t forget those nights

You can try to make it better

But you’ll always fight

It’s okay

I’ll always be able to give time and space

I’d give you my everything

If I knew where it was

I’d give you my soul

But I guess we can settle for a hug

This is fine

This is fine

Sitting in your backseat

Killing precious time

The stars aren’t going out

You’re not dying

The economy is collapsing

The world is going crazy

But when we kiss it feels like fireworks

When we love, it feels like flying

When you whisper words against my skin

It makes me feel like crying

And no matter where you are

No matter how far

I will travel to where you are

And hug and kiss your head

I’ll be right there when you need me, I will stay as long as you promise to 

remember the better days.

Remember the days of summer

Splashing water and ladybugs

Watermelon and lovey dovey hugs

Singing pop songs in your dad’s car

Feeling too old but feeling too immature to be where you are

Wanting to grow up

And wanting to slow down

Wanting to take your time

And wanting to speed like sound

Feeling the light on your skin

After 300 days in the dark

Feeling your hand on my leg

And knowing when to start

No matter where you are

No matter how far

Across mountains, across seas

Across continents 

There I’ll be

Traveling to you

Because where you are

Is never too far for me

And I will hug and kiss your face

With love’s warm embrace

And we’ll laugh

As we remember the better days

Remember the better days 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

admire from afar (this was written about my crush, hence the pink shoes reference lol)

Sometimes I catch flashes of blond

And your stupid pink shoes are all I can think about

I see your face in my dreams

It feels like I’m coming apart at the seams

I’m not creepy, I just know where you live

And your favorite color and what you would name your first kid

I’ve never been so consumed

You paint me black and you paint me blue

I’d never thought I could think so much about you

But I can only admire from afar

You’re not mine and I’m not yours

You’ve got her and I’ve got myself

And that’s enough for you

Maybe it’s for the best

Maybe I can convince myself that’s true

When it’s her on your arm

And her in your car

And I can only admire from afar

For a while, I thought I could get you

For sometime, I could imagine you being mine

But there’s an ache in my soul

It’s a you shaped hole

And I’m hopeless, breathless

Searching for a spark that might ignite our fire

But your not mine and I’m not yours

And I should box this crush up and put it in a drawer

It’s not something worth longing for

I know sometime I have to let it go

And I know I should let you be happy 

And when it’s her on your arm

And her in your car

And I can only admire from afar

I wish you were mine

I wish on flowers and I waste my time

I write in journals and I talk about you

All my friends know my crush is true

I think about you all the time

Day and night

It never gets easier to see 

When it’s her your talking to

And her your walking to

And I feel like nothing and she’s brand new

We never talk 

And when we do its awkward and never on cue

But I think your cute and I think I love you 

I know I’m crazy but I want to be your baby

But it’s her in your phone

And her in your arms

Her in your heart

And her in your car

And I can only sit here and admire from afar

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If we die tonight (my absolute fav song of mine)

I’m watching the sunrise

It very well could be the last once I ever see

People are going crazy, buying everything they don’t need

You bring me a cup of coffee 

And we talk like nothing’s wrong

Like the world’s not ending

Like I’ll never finish this song

We laugh and then we cry and we silently wish

That we could have one more day

Even though we never get our way

The roads are packed

There’s no getting away

Not unless you have a secret spaceship

And can fly to space 

We’re trapped, you and me

There’ll be nothing left to see

No evidence we ever existed

No matter how successful you might be

If we die tonight, 

Will you tell me everything’s gonna be alright?

Will you tell me I’ve lived a good life?

Will you try to convince me I’m ready to die?

Will you make jokes that don’t make me laugh?

And can we sit awkwardly on the couch? 

I’ll look at you as the fire burns us up

And maybe we’ll meet in heaven

Or wherever we’re going 

I’ll make us dinner

And we’ll eat silently

The food is too salty, but that doesn’t matter to me

It won’t have a chance to even digest before it’s burned up inside of me

I try not to think and I try not to breath

And usually you can calm me down but I don’t know where I’m going

Can you get right with God in five minutes?

Can your face be the last thing I ever see?

I can’t believe this is all we’ll ever be

So If we die tonight, will you hold me?

Will you hold me and kiss me and tell me everything will be alright?

If we die tonight

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@dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies here you go dandy!!! some of my better music lol

[jacky-rubou]

here's the psychoanalysis of Never Turn Back by Crush 40 and how it relates to Ford that I have briefly mentioned I was gonna write. hope you guys like it!

Going to put this under a cut as it got decently long.

First of all, before the actual lyrics, I would like to mention that the piano intro feels very 'Ford thinking about his childhood with Stan and all the heartache that ensued-esque'

anyway, on to the actual lyrics, minus the whoa-yeahs and other not-really-lyrics. also, I have the first and second verse analyses written out before the chorus' analysis as I feel it would be anticlimactic to end on a verse and not the chorus. Also I have only used the unique phrases in the song, as I don't care to repeat myself every time a lyric repeats, which is a lot for this particular song.

1st Verse

It's been a long, rough road

And I'm finally here

Ford's time in the portal could most definitely be considered a 'long, rough road' that he finally made it to the end of when he was saved. This or he's singing this right before entering the Nightmare Realm to fight Bill. Whichever one could work, though the second one to me feels more in-character because he wanted to be fighting Bill, but not to be saved. Though I guess you could also say the first interpretation could be a post-canon Ford.

I move an inch forward

Feels like a year

Ford felt like his progress in thirty years of work on finding a way to defeat Bill was at a snail's pace in the moment, plus his sense of time being distorted due to no point of reference for what time it is in every dimension he's been in. Everything's a drag when your actual progress is minimal in the face of your trials.

Everything I feel seems so unreal

Is it true?

Is it true?

Ford's sense of reality was slipping, his dreams with Bill bleeding into the real world to the point where he doesn't know what is real and what isn't. Not helped by the unreal feeling of the dimensions he travels.

I take one step forward

And two steps back

Progress for Ford is hard to come by in the portal as mentioned before, Bill's possessions ruining any progress on his research into an ultimate weapon until the plate was installed. Also could be how Ford feels about his back and forth with Bill and his own mistakes undermining his progress.

Got a hundred thousand pounds

Sitting on my back

There is a ton of pressure on Ford to perform well, to fix his mistakes alone, that he feels overburdened by the weight of it all. But he will carry the weight alone all the same.

Up, down, all around

Don't know quite what to do

To get through

Ford didn't know how he could possibly destroy Bill and survive at the same time before the portal opened. Or, while he knows a lot about Bill, that he has relatively few ways he knows to defeat him.

2nd Verse

I guess I'm moving all right and I'm on my way

Facing every moment day by day

Ford when he was getting closer to making his weapon and defeating Bill, he was feeling confident that he could and would do it.

Take a chance, slip on by, got no time to answer why

Head straight, head straight

Ford took plenty of risks, or chances, in his goals with fighting Bill. He 'got no time to answer why' when Dipper asked him about his relationship with Bill. And we know how straight minded Ford is with his goals.

What will I become if I don't look back

What will happen if Ford refuses to back down from what he knows he should do? or if he doesn't look back at his past?

(Honestly though, this one's stumping me, but I swear it makes sense in my head)

Give myself a reason for this and that

Ford must have a reason to be doing everything he does, justifying it in his head as the right thing to do, what he must do.

I can learn, no U-turns, I will stay right here where I'm at, where I'm at

He won't let himself go backwards, with his progress with Bill or otherwise. He must push forward, or at the very least stay where he's at. He will learn from his mistakes.

Pre-Chorus

Well I'm on my way

On my way

On my way

On my way

Ford is very persistent and headstrong in his goals, simply using what Bill is planning to do as a motivator to say he's 'on his way' to defeat him.

Chorus

Here I am, here I am

Made it to the end of you

Ford has survived what many others could not have, and now, here in the Fearamid, he's finally seeing the end of Bill. Could potentially also be applied to his mindset right before the portal opened, that he'd had Bill in his scope and he was about to kill him, but the Fearamid business feels a bit more true to what I'm talking about.

You never had a chance while I'm around

Bill was way out of his league when it came to Ford, underestimating him until the very end. If Ford hadn't been around, Stan could not have pulled off the trick quite so well. Could also be Ford right when he was about to shoot him like the previous line but this fits better in my mind.

Well, now I'll never turn back, I'll never turn back

I'll never turn that way

No matter how life tries to face me

I'll turn the other way

Ford is a very determined individual. He will not turn away from his goals if he can help it. No matter what Bill or life in general throws at him, he will not let them stop him in his tracks.

Now and then, now and then

My head starts to spin, starts to spin

But I'll never turn back again

Remembering how Ford's eye began to bleed because of Bill's possessions with this one. The after effects of Bill's influence won't make him give up no matter what.

From this moment on, moment on

I am moving on, moving on

And I'll never turn back

Post-Canon, Ford is moving on past his trauma with Bill and his grudges with Stan. He won't let his past control him like it used to. Ford will look forward to a peaceful ending, one that he deserves.

thank you for reading. If any of you have suggestions for alternate readings for Ford with this song, lemme know as some lines gave me trouble.