#world's first deangirl

[clairenatural]

the thing about jensen is that he read the pilot script in like 2004 and went ummmm actually dean has so much trauma. and he kept doing that for 15 years even when the people controlling dean's story forgot

[bloodydeanwinchester]

Do you have any destiel fic recs? I haven't read many fics and I've been wanting to get into it but there's just SO many lol. I love long fics but any recs are appreciated! Sorry this ask is kind of out of nowhere. I was looking through my following list and you seemed like a good person to ask lol.

hiiii!!!! oh boy yesss i have SO many recs for you!!!!

first of all. i already have a few posts about destiel fic recs so i'll link those here: time travel fics, fics over 100k, canon fic recs, fix-it fics, fics over 100k 2, and canon fics recs 2.

but since you're new to reading destiel fic and like you said it can be overwhelming because there's just SO MUCH i will give you a list of some of my favorites that i think are really good ones for people first starting out with destiel fics:

a turn of the earth - this was the first destiel fic i ever read!! and honestly it was THEE perfect introduction into destiel fics

the benjamin franklin key-and-kite experiment - faith dean meets emmanuel cas this one is just a really fun play on canon and i am so fond of it

spirit of the west - i am not a huge au enjoyer but this fic is absolutely required reading for any destiel girlie it is THEE destiel au imo

let's take a drive - sobsicles is probably one of my all time favorite destiel fic writers and this fic is probably my favorite from them but also if you enjoy it there are tons more written by them for you to read!

crossing lines - if you are a deangirl this is THEE fic for you that's all im gonna say

the cheapest room in the house - god this fic has such a choke hold on me it's just sooooo fucking good!!! you have to read it!!!!!

also i'll share this post with you, the destiel classics post. when i was first starting to read destiel i read these fics first (after a turn of the earth), they are probably the most popular fics in the fandom and some are better than others but i do think they are all important ones to read eventually! (but i would suggest skipping twist and shout and waiting until you've read quite a bit more fic before you start Map of the World/DTA!)

anyway hope this helps and didn't just confuse you more! feel free to message me anytime if you want more specific recs!

[scoobydoodean]

ok so I deeply love and respect your thoughts on supernatural because the majority of them line up with what I've been thinking for years but you said something the other day that I keep turning over in my brain and it was something along the lines of carver liking dean more than sam - I know you're in the middle of rewatching s4 but I would love to hear you expound on that (if you have time) because I remember being in the fandom while carvernatural was airing and it was pretty much when the deangirl exodus started. in fact I think people tore into him worse than dabb even 😭

feel free to hold onto this until later when you start the carver seasons if you wish :)

<3 I'll go ahead and answer this one, because it's more of a "broad strokes" thing for me, and I've been rewatching very slowly (on purpose) so that could be a very long wait.

This is so funny because I can just picture Sam fans reading it and turning red and their blood boiling with the fire of a thousand suns but the TL;DR is that season 8-11 (Carver era) broad strokes to me are:

Sam sucks and is a worse brother and person than Dean.

Sam spends the first two seasons of Carver's run thinking he's a better person than Dean anyway and then the second two knowing he sucks, deciding to embrace his moral flexibility to keep Dean alive no matter the cost, and trying to mend things.

Dean is circled by many potential suitors who also in a sense represent Sam replacements because Sam sucks: Benny, Cas, Crowley, and Amara.

Dean knows that Sam sucks and part of him wants to get tf away from him very badly but another part of him feels guilty for wanting that. Family is suffering. Family is a chain around your neck keeping you tied to them via guilt. (Demon Dean represents the desire for escape, as does Amara).

Everybody wants to be with Dean, be Dean, and/or be loved by Dean. Dean is love. Dean is the world. Dean is the reason for existing. Everybody is lovesick about him. Sam is just there.

Sam needs to stop blaming Dean for so many things and learn to own his own choices.

That was fun to write down.

Longer commentary/explanation below the cut.

Season 8 (Carver's first season) literally begins with a Sam character assassination. It begins with us learning that Sam knowingly left Kevin to spend the rest of his life kidnapped and tortured without even telling a soul what happened to him. Not only did he abandon Dean and Cas as well but he didn't even look for them, and refuses to give a satisfying answer as to why.

Season 8 Sam's abandonment as distinct from previous behavior

I have had people this year who I love and respect tell me they don't view this as a character assassination and say they believe this is in character for Sam. I simply do not agree with that. I talk about this as it relates to Kevin here.

Sam has displayed selfishness and a big ego at many points in the series up to season 8. He's told a lot of lies (sometimes to the point of gaslighting), he's gone behind Dean's back to do things that affect Dean's life, he's taken traumatic experiences Dean opened up to him about and ultimately harmed Dean with them, he's shown resentments and anger, he's displayed jealousy, he's displayed a sense of superiority. He has never abandoned his brother to die without even trying. The Sam of season 3 would eviscerate season 8 Sam for this.

Sometimes Sam says and does things he shouldn't, but his crimes do not include "abandoning Dean to die without even looking for him" up to season 8. Many of his crimes happen at least partly because he really really doesn't want Dean to die or is desperate to save his life. He lets go of his anger at John and returns to make sure Dean is safe in 1.11. He refuses to give up and finds a way to save Dean in 1.12. In 1.22, he's willing to put John's life at risk for revenge, but in 2.01 he gets into an outright screaming match with John in the hospital under the belief that John's prioritizing the demon over Dean. Sam spends all of season 3 raging and angst-ing about not being able to save Dean to the point of considering and doing some shady as hell things/abandoning some of his more stalwart moral stances (3.05, 3.11, 3.15, 3.16). Dean's death and later, the desire to secure his safety/future, is one of the catalysts for Sam's descent into drinking demon blood (3.09, 3.16, 4.04, 4.09, 4.12). When he dies in "Swan Song", he urges Dean to pursue a normal, safe, life because he knows that at that point in time, Dean wants to get out but has always felt trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20, 3.01, 4.12, 4.16). Even Soulless Sam (who isn't the same as regular Sam) tried to look for Dean in 6.09 "Clap Your Hands If You Believe"—it was simply that when leads for the night dried up, he hooked up with someone because he had nothing more to go on and in soulless Sam's head that was the reasonable thing to do. But soulless Sam also certainly isn't representative of the real Sam—the fact that he doesn't care as much is supposed to point us to differences between him and regular Sam. Season 8 opens with Sam abandoning Dean in a context that makes him arguably worse than his soulless self.

(I talk about why Sam actually abandons everyone in season 8 in a very long post here).

Season 8 and 9 more broadly

So Carver has Sam abandon Dean to die without even trying. Then he has Sam refuse to give any kind of actually reasonable explanation that makes sense to anyone who was paying attention. Then he has Sam say that he's going to leave the life and Dean needs to get over it and accept that Sam's new life will not include contact with Dean (just like his life at Stanford didn't). While saying he's going to leave, he still wants to exert control over Dean's relationships and leverages the threat of leaving (as if he were going to stay) to get Dean to shut up about Sam abandoning him and then again to try and get Dean to cut ties with Benny. He wants to kill Benny before knowing a single thing about him. He assigns someone (Martin) who he knows is mentally unstable and has a more black and white perception of monsters to track Benny and gets Martin killed. He watches Martin knock Dean unconscious and chain him up in a room and doesn't stop it because he wants Benny dead that bad, but then has the audacity to act as if Dean sending him a fake text is worse than Sam literally chaining him up in a room to prevent Sam from killing an innocent person (someone Sam would normally—btw—defend based on episodes like 2.03 and 4.04 or even a few episodes ago with Kate in "Bitten"). He tells Amelia he wants to fight for their relationship then the moment Dan says they should leave the choice to Amelia, he leaves so that it becomes his choice, and then he returns for one episode just to be a homewrecker. He insists on doing The Trials while promising to survive them and giving a big speech about how he's going to save Dean from his own suicidal ideation and then drops the promise as if it never existed two episodes later. Sam loses confidence in himself to complete The Trials and then acts like Dean is the one who doesn't believe in him because Dean is caring for him and insisting he rest and this is an unforgivable offense. At the end of the season, he basically says he's going to commit suicide because Dean has friends besides him. He acts as if he deserves to be Dean's most trusted confidant after an entire season of him being an absolutely fucking terrible brother and acts like Dean is just a big meanie whose feelings are irrational.

After all of this, he has the audacity, in season 9, to suggest that Dean is a bad person who can't stand the thought of being alone. He tells Dean he's the worst person ever and they can only be work partners from now on because Dean is so so bad and evil for stopping him from committing suicide and then not telling him about Gadreel. At the end of the season he admits this was a lie. He just wanted to punish Dean (9.23).

I can see how—if you were watching live at the time (I started watching when season 11 was airing) you'd lose hope. You'd quit the show over all of this, because it seems to go on forever. It's like torture. I would drop kick season 8 Sam into a pit full of lava without hesitation so I get it. If I believed that Carver was actually saying "Yes so true Dean is The Worst™️ and Sam is morally superior <3" for two seasons straight I'd quit the show too. But that isn't what he's saying. We're supposed to read between the lines and realize how unbelievably full of shit Sam is—how deeply selfish and hypocritical he's being. How yes—Dean has made mistakes—but Sam is NOT a better person than him and has gotten away with some absolutely rancid garbage. And season 10 and 11 go on to beat you over the head with it if you didn't get it the first time.

Season 10 and 11

Season 10 opens with this dialogue from a demon:

I heard the rumors. I said "no, that can't be." A Winchester, one of us? But it's true, isn't it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it's all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!

We're meant to think she's talking about Dean who just woke up with black eyes, but then the camera cuts to Sam torturing her, demanding to know where Dean is.

In 10.03, we learn that Sam talked a man (Lester) into selling his soul so he could use him as bait. Demon Dean ends up being assigned to fulfill Lester's deal (to kill his wife for cheating on him). Dean immediately clocks Lester as having cheated on her first and kills Lester for being an insufferable hypocrite... and while he's doing it, I'm pretty sure he's also thinking of Sam's flaming hypocrisy.

SAM: I never meant— DEMON DEAN: Who cares what you meant?! That line that we thought was so clear between us and the things that we hunted, ain’t so clear is it? Wow. You might actually be worse than me! I mean, you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work.

NOTE: 10.03 also recalls 4.21—an episode Sam fans have always tended to emphasize as a "Dean crime" episode where Dean risks Sam's death to force a detox. Sam does the reverse—pumping Dean full of human blood here in 10.03 and explicitly risking his death.

Sam gets Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" while searching for The Book of the Damned.

SAM I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. SUZIE Lot of good “sorry” does me. Look at me. Look….at….me. [She points to her corpse.] There she is. The first casualty of your misguided mission. But what’s another human life to you? Anything’s worth it, as long as you two make it out alive. And how’s that search going? Any closer to a cure? SAM This isn’t real. You’re not real. SUZIE You think Dean’s the wild card, the loose cannon. But don’t you see? Making deals with witches, opening Pandora’s box down there? You’re the reckless one. You’ll do anything to keep clinging to that doomed brother of yours. How many more will die, Sammy? You know it. You have to be stopped. And the only one who can stop you is you!

A few episodes later, Sam orders Oskar's death for a spell to remove the Mark of Cain. I've seen hilarious posts before about how he had no choice but to do this because MoC Dean is so scawy and bad but that quite explicitly is not his motivation. They could have done so many other things. Throw him into space. Bury him in a really deep hole. Put him in something like The Cage. But Sam didn't like any of those options, because all of them meant being without his brother, and he's realized he doesn't want to be without him no matter the cost (10.18).

SAM So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh… CHARLIE He saved you. SAM Yeah, he saved me. CHARLIE And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him? SAM Yeah, that sounds about right. [...] SAM You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…. CHARLIE I got it. I-I do.

This all culminates in 10.23, where a very mentally unstable MoC Dean attempts to reason with Sam about them both being evil and needing to take themselves out:

DEAN: Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the Gates of Hell? Well, you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then. SAM: Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back. DEAN: And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it. SAM: No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean. DEAN: Why? Because we -- we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity -- our family, our friends. It's time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it. SAM: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen... We're far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me. DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you --when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world. SAM: You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way.

Dean is saying a lot of shady shit here, but some of what he's saying... isn't wrong?

Sam is willing to let The Darkness destroy the world, and he does, and then standing in the aftermath of a town being destroyed by the force he unleashed, Sam says:

SAM: I unleashed a force on this world that could destroy it . . . to save you. DEAN: And I told you not to. SAM: And I'd do it again. In a second, I would do it again.

Thousands of people are dying and Sam says he would do it again. This post about Sam's actions versus Dean stopping Sam from closing the gates of hell is highly relevant.

Season 11 continues with Sam taking a little more responsibility for his own decisions, while praying for Dean to live (11.02):

SAM: So . . . I know it's been a long time, but . . . Dean and I, we've -- we've been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I've made my peace with that, but . . . Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don't even know if you're out there, but . . . If you are . . . And if you can hear me, I, um . . . We need your help, God. We need to know there's hope. We need a sign.

And then there's the VERY long-awaited apology:

SAM When I was with Lucifer, he, um... He showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures. DEAN Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does. SAM Give me a sec. I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone.

Family (Sam) as chains

While all of this is happening, we also have Benny and Cas and Crowley and Amara.

Benny is contrast—someone whose goodness and selfless loyalty only makes Sam's horrible flaws stand out more sharply in season 8. Under the influence of the specter, Dean says, "Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you have ever been" and Sam can't stand it. It haunts him so bad he tries to kill Benny, and can't get over it even after the end of the season when Benny is fucking dead. He is unable to accept that the contrast between himself and Benny is his own fault.

Crowley and Dean's flirtations begin in season 9, as Sam suffocates Dean, and at the end of the season, Crowley has literally convinced Dean to run away with him. In 10.01, there is a delightful phone call where Crowley rubs it in Sam's face that Dean is with HIM:

SAM I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying. CROWLEY You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine. SAM He's not your pet. CROWLEY My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels. “The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel." Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

It's this cruel callback to Sam's jealousy of Benny and Cas in season 8—how Crowley convinced Dean to finally ditch his smothering, controlling brat of little brother who can't stand him having friends, and now Dean is having the time of his life howling at the moon. The problem is, Dean also feels a little bit like maybe Crowley wants to control him too, and that isn't working for him.

Amara in season 11 goes on to further speak on terrible brothers who think they're better than you, who leave you betrayed and diminished, who abandon you. She's raging against the concept of family as chains—she wants revenge... but all the while she's in pain because she still loves her brother. Amara's attraction to Dean is based on that commonality—what she feels is a shared experience and how she wants to cut the last remaining pieces of love she feels for her brother away so she can finally be free of the pain of him—and she doesn't care if she destroys everything—including herself—in the process. (See: Dean slowly losing his identity through the MoC arc). Sam and Dean's relationship is in rehab over this whole season though, and so Dean's role ends up being to convince Amara not to destroy herself—to instead do what Sam and Dean have done and make up and work on improving their relationship.

[tiktaalic]

fave spn amvs? can answer this however youd like but also if u want context. im getting my 14 yo brother to watch spn with me for the first time and he is unfortunately obsessed with dean winchester already. he's into anime (and actually something i do for my own entertainment is scroll thru maj's blog with him and he said that yeah basically an sns interpretation is a correct reading of naruto. so i think there is hope for him yet) so he enjoys like amvs and fanworks etc. sooo ive showed him clicky noises (he likes but says its not as good as his best anime fight edits blah blah) and vienna which he really likes for some reason. soooo if you have any good recs for a deangirl in training plus good editing but not spoilery.. that would slay 😚

This is my playlist of favs on utube….. not a lot of super action-y ones but no one lives forever is on there which might fit? Boots are made for walking sooooo fun.PSYCHO KILLER AWSOME. I also reallyyyyyyy love this one probably my most rewatched amv in the world. Ummm other fun ones are the cas cvnt one and dean final girl but idk how much a teenage boy would like them. Worth a shot. My spn amv tag is #certified supernatural heritage post but I am at my core gooey so there’s lots of like. Dean and castiel in love for 3 minutes to piano. Etc.

[wrdlbrmpfd]

Finally managed to finish this ⬇️

PART ONE

Sometimes the stars align and wishes do come true. Let me tell you the story of me finally getting the chance to meet Jared and Jensen. Sorry it will be "a bit" long 😉

It was in April 2023 when my friend Neria (we found each other on Twitter through the German Doctor Who # and we're both huge SPN fans) and I talked on the phone (we've never met in person bc we're living 900 kilometers apart) about J2. We "pitied" ourselves that we'll never meet them in person bc we can't afford CE or JiB con. But then, a few days later, on Saturday April 22nd suddenly the announcement of Jensen being at PurCon 8 came on.

So I immidiately called Neria (they are a Jensen-leaning J2 stan) to tell them that I wanted to attend this con so bad. They agreed but they didn't know if they could afford it. Fortunately I had a small amount of savings and it would be enough for a ticket and a photo op. So I called my best friend Petra (she is an absolute Deangirl but not in the fandom) to ask her if she wants to go with me to the con. To my utter delight she was on board and I bought 2 single day tickets for Saturday May 25th 2024 (it was clear that my health wouldn't allow me to attend 2 days in a row, I knew the train travel alone would take its toll on me). My Twitter friend Conni insisted to gift me my entry ticket and I can't express how grateful I am to have such awesome friends. So shoutout to Conni and a big thank you ❤️. Shortly after Neria decided "fuck it" and bought also a Saturday ticket, so we could finally meet in person. And I would see Jensen Ackles and I started to count the months 😂 I tried to get a photo op but I wasn't lucky at the first two batches, finally with the release of the 3rd batch and help from Neria (they got lucky on the 1st round) I got an op with him too. YAY \○/

A while after that Jared was announced for Infinity con which took place 2 weeks before PurCon. I briefly contemplated to sell my ticket and op for PurCon to go to Infinity but I dismissed the idea because didn't want to abandon my friends and so I decided to stay on the PurCon route. I mean - one out of two was better than nothing, right? Who could've guessed that I would be rewarded for this?

And then, on February 19th 2024 the announcement that Jared was moved from Infinity con to PurCon! I freaked out! I couldn't believe my luck and I just screamed my joy into the world (yeah, my neighbours are used to that 😂🙈) And this time I got lucky at the first try and got an op with Jared too. From this moment on I was just a happy mess, I flew constantly and I started to count the days 😂 On April 15th 2024 Ent Events put the J2 VIP panel on sale and yes, you're right - I bought for Petra and me the tickets. There were only 5 weeks left and my anxiety began to skyrocket. Hotel, train ticket etc was booked too, now we dreaded the day for the con.

But somehow time flew and suddenly it was Friday May 24th and my travel began very early. I had to take an earlier train bc of course there was a construction site on our track and trains were delayed ~ 30 minutes and I needed to catch my ICE (high speed train) in Munich. So this is me waiting for my train to Munich at 7 a.m (and naturally I wore my Imperfect-akf-hoodie! 🥰)

I arrived in Munich central station where I met up with my bestie Petra. This is us in the ICE to Düsseldorf

During the whole journey we were in contact with Neria with them we would meet in Düsseldorf central station. Well, before that we collected delays on our way to Düsseldorf, I didn't expect any different 😂 But finally we arrived and I was able to hug Neria for the first time 🥰

And then the chaos began (yes, it ran all too smoothly, so somewhere along the way things had to go sideways). We needed the train to Düsseldorf airport. Yeah. We were on the right platform but they moved our train to another platform. So again the march to the lift and finally on the right platform the displays were a complete mess. Trains were delayed and the displays showed the wrong trains and so on. But we got into the right (and overcrowded) train and made it to Düsseldorf airport. From there we had to take a bus to our hotel (we weren't in the con hotel but a cheaper one 2 kilometers from the con hotel) and well....first we went into the wrong direction at the station because there were no signs for an exit or for the bus station but we've got that figured out. Then we "argued"about the choice which bus we'd take (Petra doesn't find her parked car even if she stands right in front of it and myself with no orientation sense at all) - my app showed a different bus line than Petra's. We decided to go with mine. And tadaaa - it was the wrong one. So we had to march 1,5 km to our hotel "and I will walk 500 miles..." it definately felt that way. I just wanted to lay down on the sidewalk bc I was in so much pain, my back fired constantly and even with my walker (on wheels) I had to pause every 200 meters or so. If I had listened to Petra and had taken the other bus we'd have had only 150 m to our hotel. After check-in we just fell onto the bed because we were exhausted. Us in our room.

We recovered a bit from our strenuous journey for a few hours before we made us on the way to the con hotel to the registry (open from 4 to 8 p.m). There we arrived without any mishap at about 6.30 p.m and holy fuck...the queue lasted all through the foyer and even further back. But we got lucky to have lovely company while waiting and the line moved forward (very) slowly. And I was so thankful for my baby Cordi (the name of my walker) because I could sit down on it. I wouldn't have lasted with standing all the time. There were a lot more people coming after us in the line and it was already after 8 p.m and some were worried that they would close the registration but I was confident that they wouldn't. They couldn't send away ~ 500 people bc that would have meant even more chaos on Saturday morning. And they continued to register all of us and we finally made it to the counter. It was about 9.30 p.m when we were finished and could finally grab something to eat. When we left the hotel we stumbled about her 🥰

After that little photo session we just went into the McDonalds at Terminal C and then took the skytrain back to the airport train station and we found out that the last bus to our hotel was at 8 p.m. So again we walked. 😩 and then fell into our beds.

Saturday morning I was awake at 6 a.m. I couldn't sleep any longer. THIS WAS THE DAY!

So we left early for the con hotel to attend the opening ceremony and to get a first glance at J2.

I can not describe how I felt, it was anxiety, excitement and anticipation.

First Mark Sheppard, Ty Olsson, DJ Qualls, Osric Chau and Sahin Satchel.

And then THEY WERE REALLY HERE! Jared and Jensen. 🥰 I saw them with my own eyes for the very first time. I have no idea how I was able to take the vid/pic (sorry for the bad quality, remember - last row and taken with my cellphone) bc I was so over the moon.

After the opening ceremony we had plenty of time till the VIP panel, so we visited the overstuffed vendor room. There I found a beautiful Dean Winchester art which I bought as a thank you for Conni (she watched SPN and is a Jensen girl but not a fan in general).

[sammygender]

i am soooo grateful to all my perfect beloved samgirl mutuals because when i first watched this stupid ass show i only followed like two mainstream deangirl destiel spn blogs and the cognitive dissonance i felt was insane. people didn’t talk about anything i thought of while watching spn. i was floored. i was like Am i the only person in the world to think this. is no one else seeing this?? good news! i was not. i wasn’t even the 20,000th. u can’t comprehend how awful it was to watch s4 with my sister who kept telling me dean was right

[sampilled]

i think maybe if i watched supernatural earlier i would be more of a deangirl but his character type is so done to death in this post buffy world that i just cant help but find him sooooo boring and whiny and its really not his fault that i was into the mcu first but goodddddd

[angelsdean]

yo i really appreciate the way you’re going about your rewatch, i think it’s really interesting watching the breakdown of these instances and who most often writes them. it gives a fascinating perspective on the inner workings of the writing and sometimes distinguishing the writers from the characters. please don’t get me wrong, but at first i was worried that since dean was your favorite you might go about it biased, but you’ve been pretty up and forward about what happens when. so it’s pretty cool! keep doing what you’re doing 👍

thank you! I think it's easy to get caught up sometimes in feeling like these characters are real people therefore need to be judged by the same standards as people and forget that actually, they're characters in a story, and often characters are vehicles for a story's themes / messages and less so about portraying real people. And as characters all their behaviors are coming from and influenced by the views of real life writers!

Basically I have two "lenses" I'm using when doing these rewatches and "studies" posts. One lens is looking at the story as a story, so thinking about technical aspects of storytelling and also acknowledging the way various different writers influence the story and characters. So in this view, when Dean for example does something that feels inconsistent w/ past behaviors or super OOC I look at who's writing the episode and also take into consideration the context of the time, the show being very much a product of the early 2000s and everything that entails.

And then there's the other "lens" I use when I want to look at things from an in-world perspective. This one is where some might think I'm wearing my "deangirl goggles" or being an "apologist" or whatever because in this lens I'm trying to find explanations and motivations for his behavior based on in-world contexts. Like asking WHY is he behaving like this. What could be motivating this behavior? Is it a learned behavior? A response to trauma? Etc etc. So, in this interpretation when Dean for instance says something a little off-putting or is checking out a woman in a super over-the-top way, I often view it as a by-product of his overcompensating and the facade he's trying to portray to fit John's mold and be the perfect hyper-masculine man etc etc.

But yeah, I try to be fair and just lay things out as they are and add my interpretations. And during this rewatch I'm also paying more attention to Sam too and especially Sam in relation to Dean and their whole dynamic. And once I get to Cas I'll focus on him a lot too!!

[sigmadecay]

I posted 10,177 times in 2022

698 posts created (7%)

9,479 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@officialbabayaga

@qarlthatkillspeople

@lethal-liability

@moresavagethanpreviouslythought

@thedietcokedyke

I tagged 3,827 of my posts in 2022

#kenny.txt - 865 posts

#ask - 95 posts

#baby’s first supernatural - 40 posts

#let’s go lesbians!! - 21 posts

#mutuals.jpg - 19 posts

#me - 15 posts

#anonymice - 14 posts

#oh my god - 11 posts

#🧗🏻‍♂️ - 11 posts

#god - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#it’s less of a financial thing & more of a ‘which of my friends will willingly go to germany for a three day metal festival with me’ thing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Honestly, sticking a spoon in your sleeping brother’s mouth and taking an embarrassing photo of him, only for him to get really, really defensive is peak older brother & I respect that.

51 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

#4

John Winchester I’m going to kill you

56 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

#3

Does Dean only process the world through pop culture references

89 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#2

See the full post

108 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey I made a survey :) got into a deangirl vs samgirl argument w my bestie which prompted this lmao

196 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[destielgaysex]

allow me to explain. in his first episode as castiel, misha collins decided to give cas a really deep voice. this acting choice was based on the at the time fact that castiel was only supposed to be in around three episodes. however, fans immediately loved castiel because.. well just look at him. nonetheless, misha collins had to fuck up his vocal cords to play castiel for 12 more years. now you may be wondering what cas' voice has to do with dean's voice. well. the story goes that misha collins walked on set and shot his silly little scene with jensen ackles while doing a deep voice for his silly little short term character. immediately, jensen ackles was baffled and captivated by this acting choice. "Why is this strange man lowering his voice at me?" Jensen 'The World's First Omega' Ackles thought. at that point in time, mr ackles had already been three years deep in deangirlism of the highest degree. from the first scene dean and castiel shared together to the end of the show, dean's voice became deeper and deeper. so it goes.

@i-likestuff86 @castrotophic @pencil-case-watches

dean saying "Hell no. 😐" to sam then immediately reassuring cas on the phone "No, not you. 🥺"

[liopleurodean]

The Road So Far: Season 8

Well. Halfway done. Officially, as of 8x15 Man's Best Friend With Benefits (the 164th episode of the 327-episode series).

If you're confused, this is my recap/thoughts on season 8 of Supernatural. You can find my other season recaps and episode notes in the "ashla chick flick moments" tag.

This season was all over the place. I find that I like Sam less and less as the series goes on (though I am chronic Deangirl). I could've maybe understood giving up on Dean after a while, but the fact that he didn't even try in the first place and also ditched Kevin was a jerk move.

Garth was kind of annoying this season, and I don't mean in his normal, lovable way. Taking Bobby's place is fine, but you can't just replace a person. The hunting world needed a new researcher/dispatcher, but they didn't need a new Bobby.

Charlie, however, was just as amazing as ever. She got some more backstory revealed, and her sibling relationship with Dean was a joy to watch (I don't think I've seen Dean have that much fun since season 4 with Cas. Take that how you will.)

We met multiple new characters, like Benny, Abbadon, and Naomi, and I think that all of them got mixed reviews. Abbadon is going to be a fun villain, I think, because she's just so brutal and terrifying. She reminds me of Azazel (as she should) and I can't wait to see her story play out. Naomi is a character you can't help but hate. The whole situation is complicated, but what she did to Cas and the other angels is unacceptable. However, I do think she could've been a valuable ally against Metatron had she survived. Benny was an interesting addition. Obviously I don't know everything that happened in Purgatory, but Dean and Benny's bond seemed a little out of character for Dean. Then again, he was stuck in nightmareland and had just lost his brother and best friend, so he was probably willing to latch on to anyone. Honestly, I just don't know how to feel about Benny. Ultimately, he always pulled through and I'm glad he was there for Dean, but it just felt a little weird.

I mentioned Metatron, and I've gotta say, he was not what I was expecting. Although, I'm not really sure what it was exactly that I was expecting.

If I've got my timeline right (I probably don't) season 9 starts the whole Mark of Cain storyline to stop Abbadon, and I presume Metatron will be involved earlier in the season (a la season 6 Soulless!Sam then Eve?) I took a glance at some of the episode titles/descriptions in season 9, and it looks like a wild ride from start to finish.

I'd say season 8 is somewhere in the middle of the ranking, maybe a little on the high end. There were some great episodes: 8x08 Hunteri Heroici, 8x09 Citizen Fang, 8x11 LARP and the Real Girl, 8x12 As Time Goes By, 8x17 Goodbye Stranger, and 8x20 Pac-Man Fever are all great episodes. I think normally season finales rank well on these lists, but the season 8 finale felt a little weird to me. It was strangely drawn out and kind of unsatisfying. Obviously the network was setting up for another season, but it didn't really feel like the end of a season at all. Anyway, my favorite episode was probably either 8x11 LARP and the Real Girl or 8x20 Pac-Man Fever. Charlie is just one of my favorite characters, and she and Dean always play off of each other so well.

Speaking of Dean, he was in ultimate Protective Parent Mode™ this season. With Sam and the trials, and Kevin being neglected, and Charlie's rough past, as well as others like Krissy Chambers and her friends, Dean had plenty of opportunity to let his soft side show. Not to mention, the major case of nesting at the bunker! Germophobe Dean my beloved <3. Knowing what I do about the next two seasons, makes me think that this is almost a peace offering ahead of what's to come for Dean's character.

I don't really have anything good to say about Sam right now, so I won't say much, but I do think the whole "purity" storyline is interesting. None of our main characters are completely "pure," so Sam's obsession seems a little unfounded. It was motivation, though, and it kept him going, so it was a net good, I guess.

I really want to finish season 9, and that's the plan. I'd like to also get through season 10 before the end of summer, but I really don't see that happening. There'll be a 2-3 week dead zone where I won't be watching anything, which is not great for my watch schedule. I'm also moving and losing Netflix in early-mid August, so I'm not sure how I'll watch the show after that (the DVD boxed set is $120-ish, and that's actually a bargain. I'm screwed). I do plan to finish this series! Both watching and chronicling. I'm just not sure of logistics yet. I really want to see Baby, I haven't even met Jack, and I know that my blorbo Adam comes back! Now is not the time to quit! I'll start season 9 soon. Catch you on the flip side, and Carry On!

[ormakeasaintofme]

hm. started thinking abt s8 and that was fun until i remembered the show never actually gave us the scene i used to constantly write and rewrite in my head involving sam finally sitting dean down and being like dean i thought you were dead and the last time you died i spent months getting myself addicted to demon blood bc i get such insane blinders on when i’m worried about you that that seemed like a logical idea, and this time i didn’t even know where you were, fuck yes i tried to get out of the life, based on our track record and mine in particular the alternative was finding yet another apocalypse to accidentally start

so now i’m just annoyed at canon for never letting sam actually explain that

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 170: 2x20, 13x21

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

May 3, 2022

2x20: What Is and What Should Never Be

Written by: Raelle Tucker

Directed by: Eric Kripke

Original air date: May 3, 2007

Plot Synopsis:

Dean is attacked by a Djinn and finds himself in a new reality where his mother is still alive and a mysterious woman holds the key to everything.

Features:

Dean’s djinn dream, Dean’s first hug with his mom since he was four years old, Dean mowing the lawn, El Sol beer, Mary’s birthday, random creepy women following Dean around, the skeletons in Dean’s closet, John Winchester’s grave, a silver knife dipped in lamb’s blood, what’s real and what’s not, what happens when you die in a dream.

My Thoughts:

Boy oh boy this is a classic Deangirl episode. 

This fantasy world is based on his own mind and his deepest dream. All he really wants is stability, his mom to be alive, and to mow the lawn. And despite the fact that this world is supposed to be good enough to trap him there for what would amount to years in the dream, it’s seriously flawed. He and Sam aren’t friends, he’s kind of a deadbeat. Deep down, he doesn’t believe he’s capable or deserving of happiness. Even if he did get to be happy, that comes at the direct cost of the people that he could save if he sucked it up and was miserable for his whole life. Important to note that this is explicitly something his father taught him. 

I love this episode. I wish they had remembered it when they were writing the finale and Dean’s ““happy”” ending. I wish he had had stability, and the chance for a family, and a goddamn lawn of his own to mow. It is literally season 2 and he is already projecting his real wants and needs so strongly. And after all this, fighting to get back to Sam, Sam is going to die in the next episode. Absolutely brutal, and great writing on season 2’s part.

Other honourable mentions to this episode: El Sol Beer’s introduction. The colour transition when Dean kills himself in the dream kicks so much ass, and it’s what I’ve been picturing when I write the secret good supernatural that lives in my head, specifically the end of season 14 when Chuck is revealed as the big bad. 

Notable Lines:

“‘Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest.’ Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero?”

“I'm sorry that we don't get along. And I wish to hell I could stay and fix it. But I gotta do this. People’s lives depend on it.”

“ You're not real. None of it is.” “It doesn't matter. It's still better than anything you had. It's everything you want. We're a family again.”

“Why is it our job to save everyone? Haven’t we done enough?”

“I wanted to stay so bad. I mean, ever since Dad... all I can think about is how much this job's cost us.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 9.9

IMdB Rating: 9.4

13x21: Beat the Devil

Written by: Robert Berens

Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

Original air date: May 3, 2018

Plot Synopsis:

Sam, Dean, Castiel and Gabriel must work together if they have any hope of bringing Mary and Jack home. Meanwhile, Rowena's encounter with Lucifer may alter the outcome of the journey for one of our heroes.

Features:

Family pizza night in Sam’s dream, Gabriel and Rowena hooking up, Lucifer sulking in Gabriel’s trap, Lucifer as an inter-dimensional doors stop, Maggie’s intro, feral monsters, Lucifer getting punted into Apocalypse World, the tunnel to Dayton, Sam getting brutally killed by vampires and then resurrected, reuniting with Mary and Jack 

My Thoughts:

It’s a really violent tonal shift of an episode, huh? We’re going from Gabriel and Rowena hooking up in the library to Sam being resurrected into his literal worst nightmare?

The Gabriel and Rowena scene is so terrible for me because the totally unnecessary voice over gives me intense secondhand embarrassment for which I will NEVER forgive Robert Berens. And this is a minor complaint maybe, but I think it shows a lack of faith in the actors to show what they’re thinking. Gabriel/Rowena is an insane concept to culminate the weird Sabriel-bait they’ve been giving us for the last few episodes of season 13, and thus it is the funniest possible thing to have written, but it does seem jarring in the context of the rest of the episode. 

I guess jarring was the theme for this one, because the same thing happens with Lucifer being the most annoying thing on the planet before busting out and almost killing Rowena. She could have gagged him, but I guess that would have made the plot impossible, so I’ll give it a pass. 

The best part of the episode is Sam’s death and subsequent resurrection - Jensen’s acting is great when he’s dying and great when he finally finds Mary. When he’s resurrected we get a little exploration of his trauma from Lucifer and Hell, and I do enjoy that a lot.

Notable Lines:

“Your wee boy's over there, and he'll be so glad to see his three fathers. Of course, as far as he's concerned, they are his father. And you? You're nothing to him.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 8.4

IMdB Rating: 8.9

In Conclusion: It’s a cool Stacked note that we have Dean trapped in a dream with his happy family in 2x20 and Sam waking up from a dream with his happy family in 13x21. 

<< Previous Day  |  Next Day >>

[deer-motif]

OKAY hi i’m back. sorry if most of these are from Dean POV i am a deangirl first.

The First Thing There Is - 5k oneshot, s14 divergence. oHH i forgot this existed until i went back in my history. i adore this fic! in order to defeat Apocalypse Michael, Dean temporarily loses all of his memories. some misunderstandings between his and Cas’s relationship occur.

a turn of the earth - 95k multichaptered, s10 canon divergence but takes place in the stanford era. i ADORE this fic and is definitely one i would reread. Dean is 22 when a man in a trench-coat slams into the back end of his car.

all i want for you to do is take my body home - 11k oneshot, post-canon divergence. FUCK. i remember listening to first love/late spring after this and crying. really good stuff. Dean, unable to accept Cas’s death, haunts the bunker.

diamond star halo - ~5k oneshot, s11-ish. i love this concept and also these two are adorable and hilarious. Cas’s body can ride out the attack dog spell Rowena put on it, but he needs a new vessel. Dean accepts.

adam bites the apple - ~11k oneshot, post-canon divergence but also takes place in s4. typically i wouldn’t add this to a most favorite rec but it’s pretty good and i really like this, so! in order to free Cas from the Empty, a spell must be cast. they have all the ingredients except for one, which Dean must travel back in time to get from the only one who has it: Castiel.

Put up your Dukes - 38k multichaptered, i don’t remember if the season this takes place in is relevant but it was made in 2016 so that’s s11 i think? this fic is so funny. Dean taking extraordinary measures to avoid feelings is always hilarious and a mood. Dean can’t sleep, so Cas offers to fire him out.

tell me about the dream - ~89k multichaptered, post-s5 canon divergence. i technically haven’t finished this but i adore it so much that i’m putting it here. this fic means the world to me. Dean makes good on his promise to Sam that he’ll quit hunting and settle down. so maybe it’s with Cas instead of Lisa.

We always were but never knew it - ~4k multichaptered, post-canon fix it of sorts but also pre-s4. i don’t remember how this fic ends but i remember the middle and hooo did i enjoy it. Cas is gone and Dean can’t cope. memories of his rescue from Hell become relevant.

regarding castiel - ~16k oneshot, s12. classic Regarding Dean but with Cas in it. feelings feelings feelings

Right Where You Left Me - 93k multichaptered, post-canon divergence. i also haven’t finished this one but again it’s really good so there. Cas comes back from the Empty. but it’s been a decade. and Dean’s married.

reblog with ur absolute fave destiel fics i want recs 🤲

[googledocsdyke]

jsjsksksk I think the French mistake "jackles is pretending to be a hunter" is just making fun of jackles for kinning dean so hard. I mean the man literally put "occupation hunter" into his bio

LMFAO i know sorry i maybe am taking this too seriously it ultimately is just THEE french mistake. jackles is the world's first deangirl and deankin and it is very iconic and funny of him and i would LOVE to study him (honourific) unfortunately i keep spiralling about Imitation and Masculinity because i am seriously unwell

[destieldailynews]

Meet the Staff!

Here at the DDN we have a lovely crew of hard working hellers devoted to getting you the facts when you need them. We’ve each written bios introducing ourselves which are located beneath the cut. If you’re interested in joining the team, here is a post about what we need.

A note: if you didn’t get a response to your application it is possible there was a typo in your blog url that kept us from reaching out. if you applied and would like to know the status of your application, go ahead and send a DM to @lateral-org.

Hi! I’m Lina, (she/her) and I write the news! I’m actually quite a new addition to the fandom, as I only got properly involved at the beginning of quarantine, but I am already invested enough to be reading a copious amount of fan fiction and writing an essay on the queer representation in the show. My favourite quote has to be “happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it,” and that is why I will never get over 15x18.

Hey! I’m T (@lateral-org), my pronouns are she/they and I’m the main editor for DDN. I used to be obsessed with SPN in 2015 but stopped watching regularly around season twelve. 15x18 sucked me back in, and now I’m invested not just in the show, but all of the stuff going on behind the scenes. I joined DDN because keeping up with #destielgate has basically just become a hobby of mine, and I wanted to make the details more accessible to anyone else who was interested. I’m a deangirl through and through, and my favorite quote is “I have no idea, but what I do have is a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude. I’ll figure it out.” 

Howdy! I’m Jas (@you-changedmedean), she/her, and I’m a researcher/editor for DDN, plus doing a bit of blog maintenance. I’ve been casually around the fandom since high school but in 2018 is when I got emotionally involved. I’m currently in college and I began my Tumblr only this year. I’ve already received so much support from everyone in the fandom and it’s been the craziest ride. Even if S/P/N is over, there’s still so much to uncover from the last season. With future conventions on the way as well as actors speaking up more, DDN will be able to provide relevant and accurate information to the fandom in a timely manner. Favorite character is Castiel and if my username (you-changedmedean) can tell you anything, it’s also my favorite quote. 

Hi! I'm Amber, she/her, (@my-people-skillls-are-rusty) and I am a researcher/editor for DDN. I've been in the fandom since around 2015 but got a lot more active in the last couple of years. I don't really know why I joined DDN, I just had a lot of free time and was very invested in the fandom, so might as well have it directed somewhere. My favourite character is either Dean or Castiel, I can't choose between them.  I also don't have a favourite quote as there are so many to choose from, but as its my user name I will go with 'my "people skills" are "rusty"'

Hey! I’m Ally, she/her (@larandomfangirl) and I am a researcher/writer/editor for DDN. I started watching Supernatural back when I was in 8th grade in 2017, and have remained caught up and active in the fandom since then. I joined DDN because 15x18, and everything that has happened since then, made me even more invested in the show and I wanted to help spread factual information about whatever occurs next. My favorite character is either Sam or Cas (I blame being a younger sibling for that), and one of my favorite quotes is “happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.”

Hi! I am Saffa (she/her) (@castiel-holmeshasthephonebox), and I am one of the writers on DDN! I was introduced to Supernatural by tumblr only a year ago, and since then I have been completely hooked. First, I fell in love with Dean and then I fell in love with the creative side of the fandom, all the fics and edits, and I just tumbled deeper down the destiel hell-hole. My favourite quote is "I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did all of it for you."

Hey! I’m El (they/them)  (@desperately-human) I am one of the writer/editors here at DDN. I only started paying attention to Supernatural this fall (november 5, really) but since then, having every update on #destielgate has been my main hobby. Almost everything I know I have absorbed through memes, liveblogs, and those amvs on youtube. I’ve never actually seen an episode all the way through. That said, upon reflection i believe I am a Cas girl gender neutral term. Cliche but intense, I like “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” 

Hello! My name is Liz (@bart-ska-mpson) and I am a researcher/writer. Got into SPN in 2014-ish because of superwholock tumblr peer pressure, and whattaknow, it became my favorite of all of them, mainly because of the sheer power of Destiel! I read meta like the morning newspaper back then. I became frustrated by the end of s10 and by the time Lucifer possessed the president I just could not take it anymore (if only I kept watching til Lily Sunder :’(...). But really I never totally lost faith in canon Destiel and  words cannot describe the feeling I had when I heard through Tumblr that it finally happened. I’ve been so obsessed with trying to figure out what's “really happening” so I figured I might as well help out here. My favorite quote is the whole conversation Dean and Cas have when he finds him in Purgatory. “I prayed to you Cas, every night!” “I know” </33333

Hi! I'm Kat (@team-free-memes), she/her, and I'm a researcher and editor here at the DDN. I was internet-pressured into watching the show after seeing so many posts about it online. I've been in the fandom for over a year. I joined the DDN because I've always been an avid Destiel shipper and season 16 has gripped me tight and raised me from sanity, so I want to help clear things up for other fans lost in the sea of conspiracy theories to ensure that the truth circulates. I can't choose between Cas and Jack for the title of my favorite character, but in any case I am definitely Dean coded. My favorite quote is, "Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It's just people trying to do their best in a world where it's far too easy to do your worst."

Hey! My name is Lana (@curvedsphere), she/they, and I’m a part of the research, editing, and blog teams at DDN. I started watching the show when season 11 was airing, but didn’t get into fandom until early season 13, where I fell hard and fast into this community and have been here ever since! It’s also when I started actively and avidly shipping Destiel (I was just a casual shipper before then). I joined the DDN because I’m so truly invested in season 16 - in finding/figuring out as much of the truth as possible about the finale and the rest of season 15. My favourite character is probably Cas, but I love all of TFW 2.0 and Wayward a lot. I have so many favourite quotes that I love, but not-surprisingly I think I have to go with either “Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being”, or “for love”.

Hi! I’m Steph (@stephlovessubway), she/her and I’m a researcher at DDN. I started watching the show in 2007 (on YouTube no less) and then watching live with season 4 in 2008. I have seen the highs (season 4 and season 5) and the lows (season 7) on Tumblr, and took a break for a few years and started back with season 10. I rewatched all the series in the first UK lockdown and managed to witness the wild end of season 15. I’ve shipped destiel from the beginning, mainly because Cas is my favourite character, and have thoroughly enjoyed season 16 on Tumblr. My favourite quote is Cas’s monologue at the beginning of The Man Who Would Be King.