#world stop gaia is yapping

[kensingtonbae]

I’ve seen on tiktok that it’s trending again to show yourself through the years with picrews…since I’m back in my picrew obsession i HAD to hop on

Should i make this a thread? Or it’s too time consuming? Anyway

First year of high school, was so lame and forgettable, not a care in the world

Second year of high school, in my ‘I hate my life’ phase. Drastically cut my butt length blonde virgin hair. Still regret it to this day.

Lockdown was over, something happened: existential crisis? Who knows. One day I woke up and I decided that I was over being lame.

Fourth year of high school and moved to the us. I was a senior there tho. Anyway all that edgy look was too much so I decided that I just had to be cool.

Came back from the us, moved to london for the summer and then came back to Italy. Fifth year of highschool and my ed was RAGING. At least looks were fire. At some point I had to drop out cause my body was not able to go anymore. Still an icon.

Going back to school and repeating fifth year. Doing much better physically but not mentally BUT I was in my first serious relationship and I absorbed pretty much his whole style. Ad I looked so legend as a ginger.

Now. Somehow alive. Pretty much living in hell. But we thrive. Found out that tumblr is pretty cool and getting many tattoos. Dare i say that I’m in my coolest era.

OK BYEEEE

If you want to do this here’s the link

Do it reblogging this!

Tagging some people just to see if it’s doable :3 absolutely no pressure

@annawayne @moonspirit @dudewhy3 @aruanimess @darcycrow @skyedahelf @sweetlokum @snksznn @itsnathateasy @lucaaazd and whoever who wants to do it :3

[kensingtonbae]

I’ve seen people under this post and in general here being ugly bodyshamers. Y’all hypocrites preach about bodypositivity until it comes to people who are not a “conventional” weight on the skinny side. Just so you know, most of those who are not at a healthy weight are struggling just as much as overweight people may be. I’ve been bodyshamed a lot for my very underweight body in the past as much as my overweight body, and i can tell you that it hurts the same. Body positivity preachers that only lean on one side can die for me.

you actually don't have to justify why your characters are fat. they can just be fat because they're hot

[kensingtonbae]

JUST GOT 3 HUGE AOT POSTERS IN THE MAIL CAN’T WAIT TO HANG THEM UPPPP IN MY UNI ROOM BRB

[kensingtonbae]

You guys something terrible has been happening to me, I’m slowly going deaf…my doctor told me that it may be sinusitis but I have to go to an ent to have a better check up. Right now i hear everything very faintly, and if somebody is talking to me they have to talk very loudly, almost yell, and I have to look at their lips. When I’m listening to music I have to put it in max volume and still hearing it very faintly. I feel so humiliated when I constantly have to ask people to repeat themselves and overall feel isolated all the time. Oh my god this is terrible god be testing me all the time WHO’S BEEN PRAYING FOR MY DOWNFALL, AS SOON AS I CATCH YOU….

[kensingtonbae]

4 am had a mental breakdown while reading cute fanfictions because today I ate food and my life is spiraling so I cut bangs myself WHAT AM I BECOMING also decided that I’m getting kitty fangs piercing and another tattoo oh did i mention that I really hate myself and I’d rather die than spend another sleepless night if tomorrow y’all ain’t hearing from me yk what happened😁

[kensingtonbae]

I think I might be very rotten but I’m trying :(

[kensingtonbae]

They’re threatening me to admit me again😭😭 please i cannot do this nutridrink shit again😭😭😭 Ribs gon be fire tho

[kensingtonbae]

I was supposed to go to a Halloween party but I passed out while waiting for the bus IM SO MAD I WAS SO HOT AND MY MAKE UP WAS FIRE AARRGHH why do I always have to be god’s victim please dude leave me alone

[kensingtonbae]

Why did nobody tell me that getting bangs would mean waking up with the galliard brothers’ hairstyle every morning

[kensingtonbae]

Last cigarette in the pack is always a knife in the heart…💔

[kensingtonbae]

6:50 just pulled an all nighter doing absolutely nothing but brainrotting because i couldn’t sleep due to acid reflux (I ate heavy. Does that phrase make sense in English?)I NOW DECIDED THAT I’M GETTING OUT OF BED, SITTING AT THE TABLE, PULLING OUT MY IPAD, GETTING AN ESTATHÉ FROM THE FRIDGE, LIGHT A CIGARETTE AND WRITEEEEE MY BOY CORNELIUS CANT WAIT TO ROAST ANNIE🔥🔥🔥🔥

[kensingtonbae]

I feel so weird…my dad’s been trying to get close to me and gain my trust but I can’t seem to let go of the hatred for him little me promised to hold forever. Is this what healing your relationship with parents feels like?

[kensingtonbae]

I really REALLY need a break from existing. This shit JUST KEEPS GOING WYM IM DEAF NOW GIMME A BREAK I BEG

[kensingtonbae]

Eating disorders ruin your life.

They take it away from you. They suck off your soul til there’s nothing left. They make you believe you’re on top of the world and then leave you empty handed.

View it as winning the lottery, living your best life, and then losing all of your money on a random Tuesday.

Anorexia nervosa makes you feel euphoric in the beginning. You’re getting everything you’ve ever wanted. It gives you the high of your life. You can see the light slowly leaving your eyes and the sun kissing your skin backing off. But it doesn’t matter, you tell yourself: you’ve never been so happy. You’re in control, you can morph your body as you please, finally you have something you have power on. But that control, you’ve never really had it. You realize that once you’re forced to sit in front of doctors telling you how bad you got, that you have to realize that you can’t even stand for a minute too long. That’s when reality downs on you, remembering how painful it is to sit on chairs, how hard to follow a conversation, how humiliating to faint. You realize that you’re doomed. That anorexia finally fucked you, she manipulated you till you fell in a black hole. And your head instantly tells you that you can’t get out of black holes. You’ve come this far, right? Why let go of the adrenaline and euphoria that seeing the numbers drop on the scale gives you? That’s your whole identity, that’s your whole life, you are nothing outside of this. The same feeling a drug addict gets: you refuse to stop chasing that high. You’re addicted by now, and like fuck you want to let go of your dear scale. Sometimes you’re so jealous of your friends, who enjoy tasty food together, who hang out, who travel, who study. And the more you think about it, the more you realize that you have nothing left in your life other than Coke Zero and gums. You’re empty. You cry. You realize that it’s not worth it, but you don’t want to believe it. At this point you want that little comfort that is losing weight. Before you know it, you’re nobody anymore, to yourself and to anyone who knows you. You don’t even recognize yourself, that person who just wanted to feel pretty and good. Before you know it, your life has been taken away from you.

I’ve struggled with eating disorders since i was in my first year of high school, binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, arfid. I’ve never found true happiness ever since, I’ve been better and I’ve been worse, but that little demon voice has never really left me. In my fifth year of high school i had to drop out cause I couldn’t go to school anymore due to my body not being able to sustain it and needing to be hospitalized. My heart was damaged and my blood messed up. At the time my head was too clouded to realize, but when i saw my friends graduate and leave me behind I really wanted nothing more than vanish. I used to feel on top of the world, why was i now confronted with the fact that I was completely lost in the dark and there was nothing left for me? Why was everyone’s life going on while mine wasn’t? I did it all myself, yeah, i’m mad at myself and at the world for making me reach this point. Grieving what you once were and what you could’ve been. Feeling nothing but pain and desperation.

I’m not saying all of this to trauma dump and bring negativity, but i want somebody out there to feel understood and read some words relatable. If you’re reading, I want you to know that recovery is worth it. You may think that letting go of your safe place that is killing you is impossible, but trust me, it is, it so is. You can’t enjoy anything now, imagine what it would be like to live a full life and being able to smile genuinely, laugh, talk, walk, read, study, travel, following your passions. You are not your illness, you’re your own beautiful person that only needs to work on themselves to create a new life without the monster. It’s scary, it’s terrifying, but you’ll be so grateful to your past self when you’ll have made it.

In the past I refused help, I refused to take care of my mind and my body and that resulted in me losing everything I had. Putting effort in recovering is so frustrating at first, but the more you go, the more you feel fueled. I’ve been so much better and happier in the past two years, and even tho now I’m struggling again, I’m still very proud of the fact that I immediately recognized where I was heading and I asked for help right away, because I know that I don’t want to end up where I once was again. Recovery isn’t linear, remember that, but you always have to carry with yourself the progress that you’ve made and the tools that you built, be strong and trust yourself and the people around you that want to help. Always remember your past and where it led you.

Take care of yourself please. You are precious, I promise❤️

[kensingtonbae]

There are two things classicists will NEVER forget even if they get dementia:

ο η το

του της του

το τη το

τον την το

AND THE GREAT ‘fero fers tuli latum ferre’

I have nobody to talk about this online i feel ancient

[kensingtonbae]

So lately I’ve been thinking (which is weird and rare) and yk i realized just now that my childhood was not the standard, that very few people experience what I’ve been through. I thought that it was very normal and not a big deal crying every week because your elementary school friends invited you over after school and you had to decline every time because you had training and not going wasn’t an option. I thought it was like very normal to cry for 5 hours straight most of the days because of pain and frustration??? And breaking bones was like, common sense, that’s gonna happen eventually, multiple times too, not a big deal. The skin on your hands exploding? Spit on it and go back up, another round. Not being able to eat after 7 hours of training because you’re too exhausted to even stand up? Yeah it’s okay ima take a shower. You’re scared shitless and having a panic attack because survival instincts are taking over but you HAVE to go up on that beam and flip or you’ll be sent home? Alright, geez, I’m going I’m going. “Today you misbehaved, you went to get water without permission after not drinking for 2 hours during floor in a 35 degree weather. After lunch break you’re doing 200 push ups, I’m counting”. You smashed your nose during enforcement and now you’re bleeding? Shiiiit I’ve gotta go stuff some toilet paper up that nostril or I’ll stain everything. You’re throwing up because you’re too exhausted? Fuck please gimme a sec in the restroom please don’t punish me I promise I’ll catch that yeager later. Not to mention the jealousy towards all your friends and family because they could do whatever they wanted in the afternoon and during summer cause they didn’t even know what a gym was.

AND UP TIL NOW I THOUGHT THIS WAS STANDARD FOR EVERYONE??? LIKE I NEVER QUESTIONED ONE SINGLE THING OF THEESE IN MY LIFE??? that feels so normal to me though growing up as an elite athlete was definitely smth