#working but not toooo hard but not hard but not too little idk

[popculturealchemy]

I get up . In other people's business. . that was part of my business . not sure what that's good for . . feeling like.. I was aware of everything around me so I wouldn't die and I wasn't in the way and I was also not having anyone in my way . getting good at flying solo too good so. cold. weird. space. I wanted . moved to portland less.. coop driving less... part of the team getting in other people's business good for work and other people liked it they are bored at work talking looks like being busy . standing up looks busy "looking" busy vs being busy feeling like a weird power point for myself later power point thoughts livejournal neopets

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

alexis !!! my love !!!!! i’m a lil late but obv i had to reply to ur love letter w my own >:33 I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCHHHHH I AM KISSING YOU

ok well first of all. FIVE TIMES???? 😭😭😭 YOU’RE INSANE IN THE HEAD (i would die for u i would move mountains for the sake of ur happiness knight!sugu has nothing on me)

where do i begin ….. as always i’m just gna pick out some comments and reply to them bc i get too scatterbrained to think otherwise BUT alexis…. i needdddd you to know that ily and that i appreciate you sm for reading this….. for giving me the concept on a silver platter………. as far as i’m concerned you’re the co-author of this btw. the godparent if you will…. ANDDDD that’s also why i’m just so giddy to get your approval on it 😭😭😭 it means the world to me!!!! you know how much i love your writing and dynamics and characterization and Literally Everything Actually so knowing that you liked this… knight!sugu and his bratty reader and their dynamic….. makes me want to Weep. normal abt you btw

ily that is all <333333

i adore how spiteful the reader is oh my god !! ill touch on this more later but i genuinely adore how much effort and care you put into the reader's character it's so refreshing and it shows 🥹🥹 ur so perfect ily <3

WAHHHHH YOU HAVE NOOO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOU LIKE THEM 😞😞😞 i was nervous abt making their character toooo detailed but. i just rlly grew so fond of them :’3 sooo happy they have their godparent’s approval <333

THE WAY THEY'RE SIMPING OVER TOJI GOD I WOULD TOOOO THEY'RE SO ME ARI YOU WROTE ABOUT ME FOR ME JUST A MENTION OF HIS BICEPS I FUCKING SCREAMED I NEED HIM SO BAD I'D LET HIM KIDNAP ME TOO

I DID I DIDDDDD THEY ARE YOU AND YOU ARE THEM 🙏🙏🙏 but god so real reader’s fixation on biceps was . embarrasingly subconscious PHDKDBDNDND I NEED TO GNAW AT THEIR ARMS SO BAD 💔💔💔

pot stirrer (y/n) is my FAVORITE (y/n) BUT i also love how well this explains their behavior/backstory without telling you, that's my favorite part of ur writing ari 🥹ur show not tell abilities will never fail to blow me away 🥹

this response is just gna be me kissing you silly i think 🤨🤨🤨 MWAH MWAH YOU’RE TOO KIND…. and yes pot stirrer y/n so true so real <33 they love drama a little too much i think

like the way you introduced their own "clockwork heart", and "the answer, as always, is push. it’s all you’ll ever do." with the maid and its like UGH!! the reader is such a brat (as all royalty is)!!! like they're so mean for what!!! and then they talk to the dad and ur just like oh... that's why ... ✊justice for my gworlie ✊✊✊ (and they make an excuse so the maid doesn't actually get into any trouble!!! they're a good person it's just so hard to show bc kings are assholes (as they all are)!!!

YE SYOU GET IT YOU GET ITTTTT YOU UNDERSTAND THEM………. you always always notice those lil details i put in and it never fails to make me cry out of joy i didn’t wanna be TOO obvious abt reader’s daddy issues but . they r … very blatant….. like yea reader is a lil shit but they aren’t malicious :(((

these family dynamics have me actually losing my mind ari how did u know i love familial angst ?!?!?! and GOD idk if u read historical manhwa but i've gotten so obsessed with it lately (so this was perfect for my hyperfixation), and the way you write on par (or even better) than actual serialized works ??? ACTUALLY INSANE. u get royal families so well 

AND THIS TOO!!!!! alexis we’re holding hands i LOVE familial angst i love messy familial dynamics i love a good ol strained relationship that will never be mended <3333 AND THE HISTORICAL MANWHAS PLSSS I LOVE THEM SO BAD…….. have you read . ”who made me a princess”…. it’s been so longggg since i read it but i used to be OBSESSED also ”why raeliana ended up at the duke’s mansion” (these long ass titles jesus christ) WOULD LOVE ANY RECS FROM U BTW 🙏

but no i’m gen so happy that you think the familial angst was done well it was sm fun to write 😭

reader's better than me unfortunately </3 i woulda fallen in love at first sight even if he licked my father's shoes in front of me </333 WITH THAT DESCRIPTION??? I CAN IMAGINE IT AND IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH OH MY GODDD (…) ME WHEN HE SEES ME AS AN EQUAL (it's literally the bare minimum) IM SQUEALING

REAL ‼️‼️‼️ i laughed sm reading your response have i ever mentioned that you’re the funniest person on this website……

when i read this for the first time i actually had to take a breather because my body actually shut down im so sorry 😭😭😭like it was a physical reaction my heart actually lurched it was the most insane feeling😭😭 ari wdym why does kento sound familiar 😭😭like wdym my personality was so bad that i chased him away 😭 NANAMI THAT ISNT ME IM LITERALLY NOT EVEN PLAYING RN I WOULD TREAT YOU SO MUCH BETTER IM ACTUALLY SO SERIOUS

PJDKDJDKDNDNFNDKDKFNF PLEASEEEEEE I’M SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I DIDN’T EXPECT ANYONE TO CATCH THAT apologies for the mental fatigue 😞😞😞 nanami does NOT get paid enough to look after a royal who whines incessantly and calls his haircut ugly . he left IMMEDIATELY and honestly good for him (he got gojo ptsd and knew he had to pack his bags 💔💔)

NO BUT PLS DON’T BE SAD ALEXIS maybe knight!nanami will be sent to protect royal!alexis instead 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 TRUST……

it's crazy casue i don't even insert myself into fics all that much but something about that one line fucked me up so bad... something about not being able to see knight!nanami every day and not being able to romance him killed me... he would be so gentle i know he would... he'd be so conflicted about his duty and honor to the royal family and his personal feelings for you i know he would... i shed a real genuine tear this isn't even funny anymore 😭😭

HELPPPP NO BC YOU’RE RIGHT….. REAL & TRUE…….. honestly . i think that out of all the jjk knights nanami is the most likely to just run away w you. well maybe not run AWAY bc he’d never want to get you in trouble but he’d 100% quit being a knight and start working as your castle baker or smth 😭😭 just to make you happy. knight!sugu could never smh …….

in my heart this is where suguru also subscribes to (y/n) supremacy 🙏but seriously!! god ari 🥹🥹their own little clockwork heart beating 🥹🥹idk if you've watched avatar but this reminds me of the scene where zuko does one kind thing for someone without payment and then passing out and getting a fever 😭both him and the reader r so dramatic and for what 🙄

HEHEH YOU’RE RIGHTTTT this is the start of knight!sugu’s existential crisis ….. he’s 100% flirted w his lords before just to get brownie points yk but i think he makes it a point not to cross any inappropriate lines (ie catching feelings) so when he gets attached to our bratty lil reader he goes through the five stages of grief 💔💔 (before ultimately deciding that he doesn’t actually care that much what anyone except you thinks of him)

AND HELP ME THAT’S SO FUNNY you’re making me wanna watch avatar … zuko sounds so charming…… hhhhh 😞😞

and i love how he bends the rules for them (letting them come to his training, sneaking out with them bc they just wanna see the world!!!)🥹because he serves THEM!! not the king!! and i think they begin to understand that (as well as coming to terms with their own feelings) in the next section... biting him is the realest thing i've ever read in a fic ever (y/n) gets it!!

YES SO TRUE i think that’s where sugu lands too. as a knight he’s supposed to serve the king above all else but i think sugu finds a moral loophole by being like …. well. the king assigned me to serve Them specifically which means that as long as my contract exists their word is law no matter what anyone else says …. which is why he eventually starts indulging them more <333

and the bite ….yeah. yeahhh. i need to gnaw at his bones so bad it Aches i’m glad you understand

i'm not even gonna lie i was scared to death i'd have to confront knight!nanami in this fic but thank u having mercy on me 🙏🙏 knight!haibara is the cutest ever

the alexis/knight!nanami saga continues ,….. phdjdbd I’M GLAD YOU LIKE HAIBARA he’s a little puppyknight :333

it's crazy bc he literally does 🙄🙄🙄🤨🤨🤨 i personally wouldn't take that slander, throw him out and feed him to the commoners (y/n) c'mon

REAL AS HELL YOU GET IT ‼️‼️‼️‼️ smh…… if it makes you feel better i think he was making fun of himself in that scene . like ohhhh my liege my lord i exist for you alone 🥺🥺 (<- he dreamed abt saying this to you last night and is still embarrassed abt it so he’s teasing you to lessen the emotional strain on his mind <333)

u actually have no idea what this is doing to me my hands are shaking while im typing this

CHEERING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN AS WE SPEAK i was shaking like a scared dog writing it yk…….. he makes me fully ill you rlly sealed my fate when u planted him inside my brain :///

ARI'S TICK-TOCK CLOCKWORK  HEART IMAGERY YOU WILL FOREVER BE FAMOUS IN MY HEART I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

GIGGLING + KICKING MY FEET + KISSING YOU SILLY!!!!!……. i’m so happy u liked it . came to me in a vision but somehow it just stuck ���👉👈

this made me feel so warm and soft on the inside 🥹🥹🥹ari every time i read ur fics you outdo yourself but this one is so special to me i think it actually might be my favorite (i've said that about all the other ones but this one is so different)

alexis ……… my belovedest …… having ur stamp of approval is THEEE greatest honour i’m gna sniffle and sob and throw up. /affectionate I’M SO HAPPY U ENJOYED……………….. kisses u kisses u

fun fact in the middle of writing this i took a break to make myself a quesadilla and ended up burning my hand but finishing my thoughts on it literally made me forget the pain it actually healed me even after reading it so many times

. i know we alr talking abt this but 😭😭 PLS be gentle w your quesadilla-burned hand….. be careful……. I HOPE IT WAS THE TASTIEST QUESADILLA EVER THOUGHHHH if not i’m making you one myself ….. here you go ……

a couple fresh quesadillas just for you :3

this is like. a core memory. like if the islands from inside out were a fic it'd be this. like when u walk into a bakery and it smells like home. i will remember this forever <33

this also made me cry I HOPE YOU CAN FEEL ALL MY LOVE THROUGH THE SCREEN I HOPE SO BADLY…….. 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺 hhhhhhhhh you’re the sweetest ever. i’m so lucky to have you as my dear moot ilysb . this fic was a gift for u so as long as it could bring u some enjoyment i’m satisfied <3

anyway in conclusion I LOVE YOUUUUU and knight!sugu loves you ……. tysm for taking the time to read this monster of a fic 🙏🙏 i hope school is being kind to you (the offer to assassinate ur prof still stands btw!!) and i hope you’re resting and eating lots of quesadillas :33 one big MWAH to my favorite alexis 🫂🫂🫂🫂

the paint doesn't move the way the light reflects ; suguru geto

synopsis; when the king puts you under the supervision of a dashing knight, you promise to make his job as difficult as possible. unfortunately, suguru geto is the patient sort.

word count; 21.1k (this accidentally turned into a novella idk how it happened nobody look at me :’3 this is a love letter to sugu ok…)

contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, knight!sugu x royalty!reader, royalty au (not accurate to any time period ever), technically a bodyguard au, slowburn, reader is a brat and suguru likes it a little more than he should, reader also has thinly veiled daddy issues, protective sugu :3, he goes feral in one part (descriptions of violence and bloodshed), reader gets briefly kidnapped lol, very fluffy overall though!!, includes shifting povs & time-skips, also lots and lots of devotion, knight!sugu is real & beautiful & loves you specifically <33

a/n; HAPPY late BDAY SUGU MY BABY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE this fic has been in the works for a WHILE now and means a lot to me much like sugu himself :’3 dedicated to my beloved @kissxcore for infecting me w this concept & also my dear @mossmurdock for bringing knight!sugu into my life, both of u have made the brainrot infinitely worse and i will never be free (and ofc @softgirlgonehaywire & @dollsuguru & @jtkys for being the sweetest always) I LOVE U ALL!!!!!!!!

like most things, it begins and ends with a dream.

images form in the depths of your subconscious, wild and vivid, splattering on the canvas of your mind. a dream of cold metal, dark thickets, iron-scented skin — and a knight. 

(or… a wolf?)

before you is a small clearing. trees sprout from the rugged grounds, blooming proudly, clogging up the wool-coated sky. all around you lie empty, discarded suits of armor, dirty with rust and something that smells of death. wilted sunflowers stumble under their own weight, and dragonflies buzz in a frenzy, manic, driven to hysteria. in the distance you think you hear the shrieking of ravens.

and there’s a knight, just ahead, tall and imposing, covered in steel from head to toe. holding a blinding sword, facing the sky, doing nothing to stop the pitter patter of raindrops ricocheting off his burganet. you stand by the entrance of the woods, and watch him in silence. 

he looks a little lonely. 

and in comes the wolf. gracious, growling, big and bad, snarling and showing off the white of its fangs. dragging its claws against the ground, unruly fur ruffled by the harsh breeze; widening its maw, a silent fury on its tongue. from this angle, it looks a little like a grin.

the wolf begins to chase the knight. or maybe it’s the knight chasing the wolf — you can’t really tell. they run in circles around each other, like the sun and the moon, an orbit of violence, matching their steps. almost in harmony — almost, but not quite, because suddenly they’re closing in on you, great and ugly, beasts wearing different hides, and —

and that’s when you wake up.

”your highness!” 

a groan pushes past your lips, groggy with fatigue, and your eyelids flicker open like the drawing of a flimsy curtain. a series of mismatched little blinks, until your vision clears. 

above you waits a familiar face; impatient. one of the maids, your foggy brain tells you. and she isn’t pleased.

but all you do is drag your limbs up to cover your pillow-creased face, sluggishly, muttering beneath your breath. ”a wolf…”

silence. 

the maid tilts her head, with a furrow of her brows. 

”… excuse me?”

”there was a wolf,” you echo, a dreamy exhale muffled against the skin of your palm. stifling a yawn. ”and a guy… he was cool.” 

she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. settling back into her usual rhythm. mildy berating. ”did you have another one of your dreams?” she asks, a little irritated, and for a second you think you hear a tick-tock ticking down. ”at any rate — you need to get up. the king and queen demand your presence.”

ah. of course.

a huff, displeased, even as you force yourself into a sitting position. stretching your limbs like a grumpy feline. ”demands…” you murmur, a click of your tongue. ”they think they can just wake me up whenever they want? at the crack of dawn?”

”it’s 11 a.m, your highness.”

”early as hell,” you rasp, willfully tuning out her murmur of mind your language. letting your legs hang off the bed. ”what do they want, anyway?”

following your silent cue, she hums, walking towards the edge of the room. picking up your discarded blouse, and bringing it to you. ”i was told it was of utmost importance,” is all she says, lifting the fabric as if getting ready to dress you.

”i can do that myself,” you hiss, snatching the white silk from her outstretched hands. as always, she does nothing but sigh, sigh, sigh. it’s all they ever do. ”i’m not a toddler.”

from your position, still cozied up in bed, on messy sheets and fluffy pillows — you can see the view beyond your translucent window’s glass. a sky so gray it’s almost comforting, dark clouds forming in the distance, silently ruminating. when the maid pushes it open, and a cold breeze slips through the gap, you can smell the rain; heavy, earthy, daffodils and oak wood. in the distance, sunflower fields seek shelter from the downpour. 

but your eyes remain glued to the woods. far ahead, but still close enough to see — the woods you long for. the ones you’ll never get to see up close. 

a bitter taste blooms on your tongue. 

(spitefully, your teeth sink into the tender flesh of your bottom lip.)

”fine,” comes a heavy sigh, ruefully resigned. forcing yourself into compliancy. before you can change your mind, you hop off the mattress, running your fingers through tousled strands of hair. ”i’ll go see them.”

and she brightens, visibly, disapproving frown smoothed away with the breeze. for now. ”thank you. they are worried, i’ll have you know.”

a scoff, as you cross the threshold of your private quarters. humorous. ”i bet they are.” 

”your highness,” she calls, following close behind. her tone is reprimanding, now; you will yourself not to shrink. ”we almost lost you.”

”i almost got kidnapped,” you huff. ”not the same thing.”

again, that exasperated sigh. it’s a wonder her lungs haven’t run out of air. ”do you have any idea who that man was?” 

the question makes your mind still. shifting gears, a clockwork coming to life, repeating it inside your head — do you have any idea who that man was? 

”… he was hot.”

sigh. you hear it before it comes, and raise your lips on instinct. 

”no, i mean it!” you ensure her, throwing a fleeting glance behind you. ”he just had that rugged look about him, you know? the scar and everything…” a blissful little exhale, as you gush over your would-be killer. ”what a waste. if only he had gotten away.”

”with you in tow?” the maid quips, raising a brow. her words are steeped in irony.

”of course!” another disapproving glance. ”i mean, did you see those biceps —”

”behave.”

with a flutter of your puffy sleeves, you turn around to face her. and ah — there it is. the hardness of her jaw, those frosty pupils, the impending signs of her dwindling patience. you can see it, hear it, that eerie tick-tock signaling the breaching of her limit. all humans have one; a clockwork heart, of sorts, ticking down to the moment they run out of leftover kindness to give unruly heirs. 

over the years, you’ve gotten expertly good at making the clock tick quicken. a skill you’re very proud of.

”and what if i don’t?” you bite back, just barely restraining your growing grin. delighted at the attention. ”he had nice biceps! what, am i not allowed to tell the truth?”

and the tick-tock quickens. she stills, just behind you, hands on her hips. frustration bubbling beneath her sharp syllables. ”my god, you are impossible today!”

for a moment, you stop to look at her. weighing your options. should you reel it back in, try and appease her? or keep pushing? the answer, as always, is push. it’s all you’ll ever do.

so you turn on your heel, and take a step forward, a spiteful grin curved into your lips. ”deal with it, or leave.” a beat. ”i don’t remember asking you to accompany me.”

before you round the corner, your ears pick up on one final harsh sigh. she makes no move to follow you.

(hmph.)

”where is your maid?”

in front of you stands a throne, proud and luxurious, polished marble, two seats right next to each other. the quarters of the royal pair are the same as always, vivid paintings hanging from every wall in sight, wolf pelts thrown over tables and windowsills. the scent of dried lavender seeps through the air, suffocating you. 

and, of course, the king. speaking to you with the same judgemental voice as always; one you’ve grown painfully accustomed to. 

”i wanted her to get me breakfast,” is the lie you decide on, finely tailored in white. just to make sure she doesn’t get into any actual trouble. ”you didn’t exactly give me time to eat any.”

the king sighs, mild disappointment laced into the breath. nothing new. when he says your name, it comes out sounding like a bad joke. ” — you aren’t a child anymore. one day you’ll be ruling this kingdom; forcing the maids to do your bidding won’t win you any favours.” 

”mhm.” absently, you fidget with the sleeves of your blouse. not quite listening. ”so, what did you want? it’s not often i’m allowed here.”

an evil glint shines in your eyes, for a moment. you cast a meaningful glance at the maid by your father’s side — his personal favorite. 

”don’t you have, ah…” you taste the words on your tongue. ”more pressing matters to attend to?”

he doesn’t flinch. as always, he pretends not to know that you know — that everyone knows. 

yet he still gives you that cold, cold look, colder than the howls of wind beyond the castle walls, cold enough to send a shiver down your spine. it makes you want to push, push, push. break the clockwork in half.

but he’s wise enough to follow your lead. “let me get to the point, then,” he cranes his neck, showing off the fox pelt snug around his shoulders. ”the queen and i thought it best to hire a new knight for you.”

you blink. eyelashes fluttering. all you can hear is the pitter patter of rain against the windowpane. 

then you groan.

”another one?” you whine, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet on the floor. ”please, no. it’s such a pain getting rid of them. you know they won’t last long!”

”we aren’t talking about any ordinary knight,” he tuts, as monotone as ever. ignoring your little temper tantrum. ”after what happened with toji zenin, we aren’t taking any chances.”

you tilt your head. confused, for a moment. ”toji?” the gears of your mind turn, clicking into place; zenin. a family of assassins, a man with a scar on his bottom lip. ”ohhh — the hottie.”

your father pretends not to hear you. 

”it was a close call,” he hums, and you muster the strength not to crack another joke about his biceps. it takes restraint. ”we need someone who can protect you properly. indefinitely, from even the stealthiest of assassins. so…”

your eyes meet his. gazes overlapping, the same colour, one above and one below. he’s always, always towered over you. for as long as you remember. 

that is what royalty means — absolute dominion. 

(it makes you want to curl into a ball.)

”today, you’ll be meeting with the greatest knight.” he says the words with an odd sense of pride, an inner satisfaction. ”he’ll be here any moment. i thought it best for you to get acquainted as soon as possible.”

a moment passes. you’re broken out of your bout of compliance, like a rubber band snapping. a clock tick quickening. ”wait, what?” you gape. ”father —”

”your majesty.” 

…

the correction is stern. gritting your teeth, you force the words from out your throat. ”… your majesty,” there’s a slight grumble to your voice, ”what the hell? now? i haven’t even —”

”you have no choice in this matter,” he cuts you off. coldly, coldly, coldly. ”behave, and there won’t be any complications.”

behave.

behave, behave, behave. it’s all they ever want from you.

(you might as well be a pet.)

the queen is silent, as always. eerily so, not saying a word, like a puppet on a string. she hasn’t looked you in the eye even once so far, not even a passing glance. not like you’d expect her to. her clockwork heart stopped beating for you a long time ago. 

automatons, the both of them. making decisions for you, like there isn’t a sliver of rational thought in your brain. how irritating.

you’re just about to part your lips, when —

”… am i interrupting?”

you still.

a velvety voice. silky, smooth, tailored by the finest seamstress — tucked between the slightest raspy vowel, a hint of something deeper. it sounds like honey, wine, a molten mass of spring clouds. 

the king ahead of you brightens, suddenly, lips curling up into a smile. it looks almost warm; you didn’t know he was capable of making that kind of expression. ”ah, suguru!” he calls out to the source of the noise. ”no, certainly not. forgive me for the short notice.”

when you turn around, you see a knight.

he’s beautiful. gorgeous, even. fair skin, sharp facial features, no scars to be seen. a sword hangs in a scabbard by his hip, and he’s wearing a set of armor, still glistening with the aftermaths of the rain beating down outside. his hair cascades down the metal like a black river, loose and silky, a single strand obscuring his pretty face. and his eyes are a soothing shade of brown; you’re almost certain they’d look warm, if there was any sunlight to engulf them. as it is, in the shadow of a murky spring morning, they’re a dark cedar, almost obsidian. but they look kind. 

and they’re fixed on the king. he’s smiling, too, a dangerous little tilt. disgustingly charming. he hangs his head in a bow, hand on his heart — reverent.

(ah. he’s one of those knights.)

”my king,” the strange knight greets, tongue wrapping around the vowels like a dragon curling around a pile of gold. ”not at all. i’m always grateful for an opportunity to see you.”

(oh god. it’s even worse than you thought.)

”i should say the same of you,” the king echoes, with a warmth that you’re wholly unaccustomed to. your stomach churns, swirling with discomfort. ”our nation’s pride and joy.”

the knight chuckles; muffled by his closed fist. he’s feigning embarrassment, you can tell. ”you flatter me,” he purrs, words flowing smoothly from his lips. too smoothly. ”i’m simply doing my duty as one of your subjects. but, needless to say — i’m honoured to have earned your respect.”

finally, his gaze shifts to you. and you think he must notice how disgusted you are, the reproach you feel for him, that silent contempt. because you aren’t trying to hide it; it’s there, clear as day, in the crease of your brow, your frosty pupils. lips pursed, like they’re aching to bare and to bite.

but he continues to smile. warm, still, like a mellow summer breeze. a well of pizzicato drops.

you feel a little nauseous.

”ah, and you must be the royal heir?” a tilt of his head, knowing. a shimmer of recognition painted in those ashen eyes. ”or should i say…. my liege.” 

he walks towards you, in long strides, slow and steady, only to get down on one knee. ew. ”forgive me; my name is suguru geto. your knight, from this day forth.” his palm unfurls, cedar eyes crinkling with feigned endearment. holding it out towards the subject of his newfound devotion. ”i’m delighted to finally meet you.”

(suguru geto. you’ve heard of him, of course. who hasn’t?)

his hand stills in the air, waiting patiently for yours; to bring it to his glossy lips. but you don’t do anything. nothing, other than studying his smile, picture perfect, tailor-made, sweet enough to melt on your tongue. so sweet you know it must be at least a little bit fake — the smile of a liar. 

it’s a smile you know well.

so you mimic it, a bitter glint in your eyes, only for your hands to retreat to your pockets. and out comes a purr. ”you’re a bad actor.”

silence. the knight doesn’t flinch, not even close, but he blinks, a flutter of his dark eyelashes. like a raven taking flight. that everlasting smile never falters, but for just a second, a clock-tick or two, you swear you catch the slightest hint of something flickering through his keen iris.

interest?

”forgive them, suguru,” the king is quick to chip in, finally stepping down from his throne to join you on the floor. the queen doesn’t move, but she gives suguru a fond smile, and it makes your grimace deepen. ”they woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. and they’re a bit of a problem child — i’m sure you’ve heard.”

that makes you snicker, silently. maybe just a little bit smug. you’re sure it must be a headache for him to deal with.

”i can’t say i haven’t,” suguru chuckles, raising himself up from the marble floor. your smile falls. ”but it’s not an issue. i understand.”

he looks at you, really looks at you, and you give him an unimpressed stare. wholly disinterested. trying not to squirm under his scrutiny. 

”i’m sure it must feel suffocating — being under this kind of supervision.” he gives you a tilt of his head, strands of charcoal following the movement. smooth, like a waltz, one you didn’t agree to. ”isn’t it?”

ah. the sympathy card.

before you can answer, he bows; hand on his heart. knights and their rituals. ”i’m at your service, my liege. if i make you uncomfortable, at any point, just tell me.” once more, he meets your gaze, a sincerity in his own — reserved just for you. ”really.”

… ugh.

to your right comes a pleased voice, deep and satisfied, as self-affirming as ever. ”i knew i could entrust them to you,” the king speaks, placing a palm on your shoulder. you try not to flinch. ”aren’t you grateful? this handsome, kind man is all yours.”

a sharp scoff is all you can muster, nails digging into the skin of your palm. but suguru only chuckles, good-natured.

they continue to speak, about this and that. you tune out most of it, caught up in preparing for the long headache ahead. sure, you’re an expert at getting knights to quit, but it takes time. weeks, sometimes, just to make them finally crack, push and push until their patience reaches its limit. and suguru seems resilient. more than anything, he seems thoroughly loyal to the king; that really doesn’t bode well for you.

but before you can formulate a step-by-step guide to making his job a living hell, the sound of your name snaps you out of your trance.

it’s the king, of course, as always. you hate that you still instinctively respond to his call. like an obedient puppy. ”show suguru to your quarters. he’ll be accompanying you indefinitely, from now on. don't give him any trouble.” his voice finally sounds cold again; a warning. ”i’ll hear about it.”

(indefinitely.)

a moment passes. then you sigh, deep and heavy, haphazardly hiding a roll of your eyes. ”yeah, yeah, yeah,” you cross your arms. ”i got it.”

suguru meets your furrowed brows with something gentle, a soothing little smile. offering his arm, for you to hold on to. knights and their rituals. ”shall we?”

but you brush past him. stubborn in your independence, in your desire to make this as discomforting for him as it is for you. ”follow me,” is all you say, a dissatisfied huff. loud enough to pick up on.

to your great displeasure, he matches your hurried pace. side by side, as you walk down the halls, the clicking of his shoes echoing against the marble. a shadow you can’t shine away; one that’ll stay with you indefinitely. you feel his gaze burn into you.

”my lord.”

”don’t talk to me,” you sigh, sharp like the sword by his hip. a low click of your tongue. ”just so you know, i didn’t agree to this.”

”that was my question, actually,” he grins, ever so slightly. fingertips tapping against his scabbard. ”i am sorry, you know. i meant what i said — i’m sure it’s difficult for you.” he casts you another one of those meaningful glances, a meaning you have no intention of discerning. ”but i have my orders.”

you bite back a laugh. ”you guys love those, huh?” when you turn your head to face him, still walking forward, he’s met with a taunting smirk. ”your little orders.”

but his smile doesn’t falter. damn.

”not a fan of knights?” he asks, instead, a playful lilt to his syrupy voice. coaxing, accommodating. infuriating.

”nope.” your footsteps quicken — but he keeps up, effortlessly. curse those abnormally long legs. ”you’re all just bootlickers. especially you.”

”oh?”

”don’t oh? me,” you snap, practically growling, ”like you weren’t seconds away from making out with the king back there. it’s all so fake.” the comment makes the corners of his lip quirk up, but you don’t turn around to see it. ”now that you’re alone with me, you’re already acting way less uptight, see?”

he hums. ”i figured it’d make you feel more at ease.”

”god, will you just cut it out?” a hiss breaks out of your throat, sharp and exasperated. tired, drained. you just want to go back to sleep. ”quit acting like you care about what i think. you’ll do whatever the king asks of you — that’s all you really care about.”

suguru stays silent, this time. matching your steps, observing you silently, out of the corner of his eye. the frown on your lips, the crease between your brows. etching them into his memory. you’re pissed, that much he can tell. and you definitely, definitely don’t like him. 

(”you’re a bad actor.”)

the knight comes to a standstill. parting his lips, enough for his voice to flow through, silken sheets and molten honey. a raspy tilt he tries his best to hide.

but his words carry a sincerity he could never fake. 

”from now on, i serve you.”

when the clicking of his shoes against cold marble flooring fades away, you halt. turning around, hesitantly, quirking a questioning brow. rain beats on beyond the window to your left, flicking against the glass, droplets clinging to the translucent surface. marigold petals kiss the windows in a flurry of cream and orange, fluttering about with the harsh bites of the wind, carried from the castle’s orchard. the endless hallway you find yourselves in smells of rainwater and spring.

suguru looks steadfast, where he’s standing, immovable. a little like a pillar of salt. when he speaks it sounds like he’s reciting a scripture.

”i’m loyal to the king. i have to follow his orders.” 

there’s something about his words that you can’t quite pinpoint. is it guilt or pride? ”but i am at your service. certain things are set in stone, but not others. i’ll let you decide how this goes.”

the hallway goes silent. he smiles, again, smaller this time. somehow more genuine.

”from now on, i’m your knight.” the pitter patter of rain mashes with the steady beating of a clock; rhythmic, soothing, a lullaby of rust and time. ”that’s all. i won’t be anything else.”

you stare. lips pursed, awaiting a clarification, but it doesn’t come. he’s giving you time to respond.

(he’s your knight, now. indefinitely yours.)

an inhale. the clock hands of your heart begin to move. ”in that case,” you exhale, lips curling up into a taunting smile. pleased with yourself. ”i promise to be the most insufferable lord a knight has ever had. i won’t make your job easy for you.”

and suguru only chuckles. raspy, like the bark of a tree, claw marks on the ground. ”good,” he grins, eyes rich with mirth, golden pears hanging off the branches. ”i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

he looks sincere. sounds sincere. all you do is blink, a sense of frustration nibbling at your heart, but the knight before you doesn’t falter. he only offers his arm to you, once more; a silent step towards reconciliation.

you watch him, silently. 

then you’re turning on your heel, swiftly, a low grumble at the base of your throat. ignoring him and his offer, walking towards your room with irritated steps that fade as you turn the corner.

behind you, suguru’s smile only grows.

”good morning, your highness.”

blinking sleepily, still regaining your ability to form coherent thoughts, all you can do is stare. studying the figure above you, towering over your half-asleep form, the deadpan expression on your face.

black hair, and amber eyes. a disgustingly charming smile. 

the gears of your mind finally click into place.

a whine flows from your lips, meek and disapproving, and you roll over to your side. pulling the covers over your head, as if to protect you from the existence of your newly hired knight. so it wasn’t just a bad dream.

but he doesn’t fade away, like an apparition. he stays right by your bed, crouching down next to it. you feel the weight of the mattress shift when he rests his elbow on the cushion. ”still too early?” he asks, soft enough not to grate your sensitive ears. ”i was told you usually get up around this time…”

a muffled groan. ”leave.”

”i’m afraid i can’t,” he hums, but you don’t sense much remorse. ”i’m not supposed to let you out of my sight for more than brief intervals at a time… that’s one thing i can’t compromise on.”

”i don’t care,” you whine, petulant. tightening your grip on the blanket surrounding you, desperate to savour the leftovers of your fuzzy dreams. ”’m not getting up…”

a click of his tongue. quiet, contemplative. until he decides on a course of action.

”would you like me to bring you breakfast, then?”

…

slowly, your eyes flicker open, consciousness beginning to stir. the tasty temptation rouses you from your half-slumber, ever so slightly; because he sounds sincere. he sounds like he really will bring you breakfast, if you just give him the order. 

it’s tempting. dangerously so. 

(how long has it been since one of the maids actually bothered to serve you breakfast?)

”… whatever,” you croak, finally. weighing the value of your own response — putting effort into not sounding too excited. (but you are.) ”sure. do what you want, just let me sleep.”

a relieved little breath slips from suguru’s lips, as he watches the lump under the blanket stir. ”alright,” he breathes. ”what would you like, my lord?”

(suddenly, you get an idea.)

a smug grin crawls up to rest on your lips, fresh mischief on your mind. ”figure it out yourself,” you chirp, awfully pleased with yourself. 

silence. 

then, you hear him hum — rising to his feet with a quiet groan. ”understood,” he quips. ”i’ll be back as soon as possible, your highness.”

when you hear the creaking of the door, as he steps over the threshold, you barely restrain the urge to kick your legs in victory. now he’s sure to get you the wrong breakfast; and then you can be as difficult as you please, demanding something else, over and over. an ungrateful, spoiled little brat. that’ll definitely make him quit. 

— sadly, it seems you were underestimating him. just a tiny, tiny bit.

before you, on a silver tray, lays a wide variety of breakfast foods. everything from syrupy pancakes and buttery croissants to neatly cut sandwiches and porridge, slices of fruit and fresh lemonade, coffee with cream and sugar, tiny jars of marmalade and jam. sparkling, glittering, begging to be devoured. handmade, you can tell, meticulously crafted by someone who knows what they’re doing. with a gulp, you attempt not to openly salivate — you had no clue the kitchen workers were this talented. 

for just a moment, you’re entirely speechless. he really went ahead and got you some of everything.

stumbling for the right words, any words, the only thing that escapes your throat is a meek huff. meant to sound displeased, but coming out just a little awestruck. ”this is… way, way too much. are you insane?”

he only shrugs. a sweet smile on his lips, sharp jaw resting on the heel of his palm. ”well, you wouldn’t give me any specifics,” he reminds you, a bit too smug for your liking. ”just eat what you like. i’ll keep your preferences in mind.”

you want to protest, want to put up a fight. want to resist his charms, his little peace offering.

but your stomach growls, suddenly. loud enough that you’re sure he hears it, but you don’t turn around to see any silent laughter — just picking up the fork, embarrassed, eager to just get rid of the ache in your gut. eager to get a taste of the delicacies in front of you. with hesitance, you cut into one of the fluffy pancakes, slathered with syrup, trying to ignore his expectant gaze. biting into it with your eyes closed.

when the sweet taste curls around your tongue, you physically feel yourself perk up. letting your eyes flutter open, your eyebrows raised, a sweetness that makes you sit up straighter. it practically melts in your mouth, honeyed and buttery, and it takes all your willpower to withhold a blissed out little sigh. 

it must be evident, on your features. because suguru sounds amused when he asks; ”good?”

”... better than usual, i guess.”

despite your half-assed attempt at hiding how pleased you are, his ever-present smile extends. ”oh, really?” he leans back in his chair, right next to the bed. exhaling in relief. ”i’m glad. i was worried my cooking wouldn’t be to your tastes.”

…

you pale.

silently, both awestruck and horrified, you look up to meet his teasing gaze. ”wait. you…” a pause. silent, palpable, dreading his answer. ”… made this?” 

”yes.”

another pause. 

”… like. all of it?”

”mhm.”

your gaze falls down to seek solace in your lap. avoiding his own, biting down on your lip, not quite enough to sting. fuck — you accidentally complimented his handmade breakfast. not off to a great start.

wallowing in your silent loss, you simply dig in; desperate to savour it, despite the lingering taste of failure on your tongue. once you’ve sipped the last of your coffee, foamy and rich, the knight to your right speaks up.

”so, your highness,” he begins. tactful, careful. clearing his throat. ”now that you’ve woken up a bit… and, forgive me if i’m overstepping, but —” he searches for your guarded gaze, playing with the beginnings of a smile. ”i was thinking it’d be good for us to get to know each other better.”

”ugh.”

a chuckle — seriously, does nothing offend this man? — flits past his lips. ”oh, don’t be like that, your highness. don’t you think it —”

”cut it out.” you shoot him a glare, voice set to a shivering tilt. ”stop acting like some perfect servant. it’s so obvious you’re playing it up.” a tiny huff, as you pop an apple slice into your mouth. ”makes me sick.”

”… right. you called my acting bad, before.”

”it is,” you nod, a mocking imitation on your tongue. eyes fluttering shut as you bring a hand to your chest. ”oooh, look at me, i’m so humble and loyal! why, of course i don’t mind being summoned with no prior notice! would you like me to lick your shoes, my sweet king?”

and, honestly, you expect him to get at least a little bit angry. the last guy certainly was.

but suguru laughs, suddenly, from the bottom of his gut — a genuine sound. sunshine spilling from his lips, amusement laced together with the octaves. his eyes are crinkled at the edges, like the leaves of a golden ginkgo tree. ”okay, okay,” he puts his hands up, as if readying for a smooth surrender. still amused. ”i’ll try to be more… unguarded, then. would that satisfy you?”

you give him a look. 

he returns it with a smile. ”i’ll take that as a yes,” is all he croons, reaching a hand out. it hangs still in the air, waiting patiently for a response. a familiar sight.

you blink. looking at it, silently, as if trying to solve a puzzle in the pattern of his fingertips. 

then you sigh. ”for the last time, i’m not letting you kiss my hand, you —”

”a handshake,” he cuts you off. soft, a tilt of his head; awfully charming. reassuring you. ”no kissing involved.”

a handshake.

(come to think of it, you don’t think anyone’s ever tried to shake your hand before. it’s something you see other people do; maids, knights, butlers. people on equal ground with each other.)

after a moment of silence, you avert your gaze. there’s a slight, slight flush to your cheeks, one you hope stays hidden from his keen eyes. you grumble, intent on not appeasing him. ”… i’m not shaking your hand, either.”

suguru quirks a brow, smile yet to fall, waiting a few moments more until he gives in. ”you are difficult,” he chuckles, and it sounds almost pleased. ”kento was right.”

kento? now, why does that sound familiar…? 

”— but that’s okay. i look forward to getting to know you better, either way.” his hand retreats to his lap, pliant. ”eventually.”

”that’s not happening.”

”oh?” you swear that smile of his grows, just a little. a man who enjoys a good challenge. humming, closing his eyes for a brief second, switching tactics as if shifting gears. ”then, tell me — is there anything you’d like to know about me?”

hell no, is what you want to say. and you almost, almost do. eager to move one step ahead of him, stubborn in your desire to scare him off.

but then you remember the tale.

so you still, ever so slightly, and suguru leans forward. by a hair, noticing your expression, maybe, the curiosity simmering in your veins. seeping out, little by little, and even though you know you shouldn’t — you just can’t resist the temptation to ask…

”… is it true?”

he tilts his head.

”the … you know.” you move your hands, a bit, as if hoping they’ll say the words for you. they don’t. ”your sword. did you really…” a pause, as your eager gaze trails down to his hip, the scabbard attached to his belt. and then a gulp. 

”… pull it out of a stone?”

a series of silent blinks. then suguru chuckles — dripping with fresh amusement, a glimmer of teeth behind his lips. ”oh, so you’ve heard?”

and, like a pair of shooting stars, your eyes flicker over to meet his. almost gleaming with newfound excitement, a little erratic. ”is — is it true?”

”it’s an old folktale,” he’s quick to intercept. ”gets said about basically every great knight… or, what the public deems as good, anyhow.”

(ah. the humble facade slipped away.)

in a matter of seconds, you seem to deflate, slumping back until your spine meets the headboard. sulking silently. ”so you didn't pull your sword out of a rock?” you huff, mood souring again, a lemony flavour in your veins. ”lame.”

”stone,” he corrects, unperturbed. ”and i'm afraid not.” he gives you another one of his placating smiles, barely concealed amusement swimming in his amber eyes. ”i pulled mine from an oak tree.”

…

”wait, really?”

the gleam in your eyes is back. suguru almost, almost feels bad.

”depends,” he quips, shooting you a lazy grin. ”how gullible are you, my lord?”

(... oh. he was teasing you.)

an embarrassed heat crawls up your neck, rooting itself into the column of your throat, and all you can do to distract him from it is to scoff. sharply, as if hoping just the sound will be enough to cut into his smooth skin. ”whatever.”

suguru continues to smile, crows’ feet by his eyes, something deliberate in his silent stare. so you stumble for something, anything to say.

”also, can you quit the my lord stuff?” you settle on, taking a shallow sip of the lemonade. sour and sweet, nice and chilled on your tongue. ”it’s creepy.”

he blinks. a flutter of his dark lashes, fingers tapping at his bended knee. he looks contemplative, for a moment. ”does it make you uncomfortable?” he asks, tilting his head. ”i can stick to my liege, if that’s better. just say the word.” 

”god, you’re so annoying,” you groan, licking the lemony residue off your lips. ”just use my name.”

suddenly, suguru stills. fingertips frozen, for a moment, no longer tapping at his thigh. he traps his bottom lip between his teeth, a hesitant hum crawling up the confines of his throat. 

”that….” he trails off, thumb absentmindedly smoothing over the leather of his scabbard. ”seems a little much.”

when you turn to look at him, he seems a little put off. uncomfortable, maybe — or just caught off guard? it’s hard to get a read on him. for someone who smiles so often, his emotions don’t appear very bright.

a pang of something grasps onto your clockwork heart, and a frown pulls at your bottom lip. frustration gnawing at your veins. ”you’re here to service me, aren’t you?” you ask, with a shallow huff. ”just do as i say.”

”well, i still have my boundaries.” suguru leans back, crossing his legs, gazing at you with slightly lidded eyes. ”and, on paper — i’m only here to protect you. the servicing is my own choice.” 

a very, very judgemental look. he returns it with a tug of his lips. 

”… you really do like being ordered around, don’t you?”

suguru shrugs. playful. ”makes me feel needed,” he purrs, watching you wolf down the breakfast he made.

once you’ve had your fill, he’s quick to gather the silver tray in his steady arms, and you do your very best to hold back from thanking him for the meal. it aches a little, but you can’t give in — you don’t have a choice. you can’t allow yourself to be anything other than the most ungrateful, annoying royal in the kingdom.

anything to snap his clockwork heart in half.

— a week passes with no particular developments. you try your damndest to bother him, but suguru is stubborn. stubborn enough that you’re starting to doubt he’ll ever leave you alone, no matter how much you ignore him, or hiss at him, or whine at him to make you an annoyingly specific assortment of breakfast foods.

he never stops smiling, no matter how bothersome you’re being. the tick-tock of his patience remains unbroken. 

(so for now, you figure you’ll just have to adjust.)

a sense of contentment simmers in the open air, when suguru knocks at your door, waiting for a groan and a grouchy come in. it takes you a few moments longer to respond than what he’s used to, and he notes that you sound a little less irritated when you do.

as he steps over the threshold, bowing his head instinctevely, he’s met with the sight of you fully immersed. holding a paintbrush between your fingers, lifting it, movements delicate, self-assured. like it comes to you without thinking. you’re seated right by the window, enough for the would-be daylight to flicker in. as it stands, the weather is still sour. 

he walks up to you, as always, never more than a few steps away.

and, for a moment, all he does is watch you. silently, as you dip your brush in smeary cobalt paint, a splatter of colour on the white canvas. melting together with the indigo and obsidian. there’s a certain rhythm to it, a kind of dance between you and your mind and the painting in front of you — not even close to being finished. a dip of your brush blooms into a jaw, a flick of your wrist into a set of fangs. cobalt cream and silvery edges, an imitation of what you saw in your sleep. murky, blurry, a dream-like clearing in the woods. 

as you work, a sense of relaxation smooths along your sinuses. coaxing you into breathing out, into letting your clenched jaw rest for a while. turning all your irritation into brushstrokes. into a hungry, hungry wolf. 

finally, your knight opts to break the silence.

”you’re quite talented.” 

it’s an earnest comment. filled with respect, not the idle flattery you’re so used to. and despite yourself, you can’t help but grin — glowing a little beneath the praise. prideful, smug, almost giddy. he watches intently as your expression shifts, as those fleeting flickers of joy dance along the contours of your cheekbones. as you lap up his praise like the chamomile tea he served you this morning.

suguru smiles. you have a cute side, he thinks. for no more than a mere moment, he finally feels as if he’s getting somewhere; getting closer to breaking that thorny, thorny shell of yours. closer to meeting the little lamb beneath the wolf’s hide.

but your mind quickly catches up to your body, realizing that your lips are curled up into a pleased smile, and you clench your jaw again. mindful not to let him see it. painting makes you far too careless, too unguarded; you have to be mean.

stuck in a bout of frustration, you put a little too much force into the motion of your fingers, a small slip of the hand. but that’s all it takes. suddenly, the smooth, calm sea of fur on the canvas turns violent, a little more unruly, and you withhold a wince. doing your best to mend the damage. flick, flick, across the canvas, as if to appease the hungry wolf. 

from behind you, a tiny exhale. laced with a kind of stifled amusement, one that makes you snap your jaw in his direction. brows knitted in anger.

”what?”

suguru clears his throat. ”nothing, my liege,” he hides a smile behind his knuckle. eyes gliding across the murky smear of fangs and fur, interest piqued. ”i’m just curious… why a wolf?”

a huff. briefly, you consider ignoring him, but….

(something in his tone convinces you not to.)

”… i saw one,” you admit, absently, staring at the blue and gray of the canvas. flick, flick. violet, navy, a little more depth. ”in my dream.”

silence. your knight doesn’t respond. surely, he must think you childish; everyone else does. why would he be the exception? why did you tell him anything at all? 

a sense of regret mixes with the paint. the weight of a brush in your hand truly does make you careless, doesn’t it?

”… huh.”

a clenching of teeth. you muster the will to turn your head, just to give him a questioning look, a silent aggression. biting before he can. but he’s not looking at you; he’s looking at the painting, the wolf that isn’t quite a wolf yet, just blue and gray on paper. a blur of messy motions.

then he shakes his head. ”no, nothing.” 

you quirk a brow. 

but you don’t say anything. falling silent, falling back into the rhythm of it all, painting until you grow bored of it. the wolf looks at you both, still thoroughly unfinished, jaw half-painted, no trees or knights to keep it company. solitary, blurry; baring its fangs towards no one at all. a sorry spectacle of teeth.

— a couple days later, as you’re walking through the castle with suguru in tow, still adamantly refusing to curl your fingers around his bicep, a loud crash breaks you out of your hushed banter.

the two of you share a look. it came from farther away, just beyond the next turn, a certain hallway decorated with delicate vases. one the castle maids desperately tried to keep you from, when you were younger, worried about your habit of jumping around while pretending to be some sort of feral animal. worried, of course, about the safety of the porcelain rather than the safety of the child.

it doesn’t take a genius to figure out the source of the sound. and, lo and behold, what waits beyond the turn ahead is a crying boy and a broken vase.

fat tears cascade down his reddened cheeks, silent fear knit into the way his face is scrunched up. he can’t be older than six or seven; one of the maid’s children, you assume, the kind that doesn’t have the luxury of making mistakes. he looks panicked, down on his knees, holding a large piece of porcelain, painted flowers etched into the front.

what a mess.

when the clicking of your shoes reaches his little ears, he looks up at you with wide, shameful eyes. still sitting amongst the littered shards, the spilt water and irises soon to wilt. it reminds you of something, a memory you don’t quite want to recall; a different child, tiny and alone. taught to feel shame at the moment of their birth. 

it makes your pace falter, a bit, but suguru moves without hesitation. long, careful strides, one foot after the other. 

he crouches down in front of the boy, gentle as he takes the shattered piece of porcelain from his tiny palm. so he doesn’t hurt himself. ”hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, speaking even softer than usual, his voice like a flurry of feathers and jasmine petals. ”are you hurt?”

he’s patient. smiling comfortingly, considerate, grounding, a blanket of wool like the one forming on the border of the horizon. but the child continues to sniffle and hiccup, curling into a ball as if readying for a strike. like an abandoned puppy.

you sigh.

after a moment’s hesitation, you’re stepping forward, figure slipping from the shadows and coming into view. joining the miserable pair, the jagged shards on the marble floor. 

there’s a cold, cold look in your eyes when the boy raises his head to meet them.

a flick of your wrist; you wave your hand once, then twice. ”shoo. hurry up.” 

he blinks. tears clumping his lashes together, cheeks flushed from the panic of it all. he stammers when he parts his lips. ”b… but —”

”didn’t you hear me?” comes a scoff, harsh, cutting through the air. right through the fear and panic. ”that was an order. just run back to your mommy already.” you cross your arms, shaking your head in disapproval. mimicking the king, though you think it’s lost on your spectators. ”all that crying is making my head hurt, geez.”

a series of hesitant blinks. crumbling beneath your commanding gaze, the child stumbles to his feet, sparing suguru one last unsure little glance before scurrying off. the sigh that slips from your lips is quiet, barely audible, tinged with relief. 

when you look down to the floor, you find that suguru is already looking at you; a furrow to his brows. angry, for once. just a tiny, tiny flicker of distaste. you reward him with a cold smile. 

(so this is how you get under this skin. cruelty, aimed not towards him, but towards the defenseless. 

what a picture-perfect, self-destructive little knight.)

just as the child turns the corner ahead, you hear the echo of a maid calling out from behind you. her voice is dripping with fatigue, exasperation, a flurry of sighs you’ve grown far too familiar with.

”your highness! what have you done now?”

there it is, you think; the curtain call you’ve been waiting for. with a swift turn of your heel, sheepish expression ready to go, your focus shifts onto one sole objective — act annoying.

”walked into a vase,” you chirp, proudly, just the slightest bit theatrical. gesturing dismissively towards the broken spectacle, as suguru raises himself from the floor. ”my bad. not my fault you make them so easy to break, though.”

she inches closer, with a disapproving stare, and you hear a tick-tock in your ear. sensing the limit of her patience. ”i’ll have you know these vases are expensive,” she clicks her tongue. ”do you truly think you can go around breaking whatever you please?”

”… well. i mean… i do kind of own this place, don’t i? or — i will.” you tilt your head, faux contemplation on your features, shifting into a spoiled smile. ”so — technically — i broke my own vase. no harm done!”

”… my lord —”

”quiet.” suguru stiffens, ever so slightly, following your sharp whisper. ”don’t fuck this up.”

he looks at you, silently. not saying another word.

(there’s a shame in his eyes that you don’t turn your head to see.)

it doesn’t take long for the maid to shoo you away, pinching her brow at your carefree laughter, bitter at the prospect of cleaning up your mess. she makes sure to give suguru a sweet smile, though, and doesn’t bother to hide the sympathy in it. sympathy for him, such a handsome, well-behaved knight, forced to service such a brat.

the smile he gives her in return is a stiff one. almost, almost cold. but he bows, and follows your retreating form, until you’re all alone together.

the walk is silent. maybe just a little heavy, as you try to ignore the stare burning into your skin, trying to swallow your own displeasure. it’s subtle, something you learned to internalize long ago, but it’s there; a slight sadness. you don’t enjoy getting yelled at.

a thick silence stretches on, before crumbling into dust. you aren’t sure how much time has passed when a certain velvety voice curls around your senses.

”your highness.”

he’s come to a standstill, again. you really should just ignore him and keep walking. but you still, anyway, following his cue, turning towards him with a look that says what now? — you aren’t sure what to expect. certainly not the sentence that ends up spilling from his lips, like a spring breeze through an opened window, tinged with something you fear may be close to fondness. 

(in your chest, your heartbeat tick-tocks.)

he smiles, gentle, with eyes that see right through you. and he speaks. 

”you’re actually kind, aren’t you?”

…

”… huh?”

he pays no mind to your stupefied expression. continuing, unperturbed, eyeing you with a look you distinctly dislike — as if he’s trying to glimpse into your mind. ”the vase,” he hums. ”you took the blame, even though you didn’t do it.”

a huff escapes you. face hardening, setting into firm lines. ”that wasn't intentional,” you grumble, defensive. ”i just wanted him to leave.” 

but suguru shakes his head. ”you could’ve left when the maid came. but you stayed, and lied, and got yelled at so he wouldn’t have to.” a second passes, silence thick with meaning. intentional on his part. ”is that not what you’d call kind?”

another moment gone, little tick-tocks of your heartbeat counting down. you part your lips, but no sound comes out, as you stumble for words to say. irritation stirring in your veins. or is it nervosity? you think your skin feels a little hot, suddenly. 

just what the hell is happening?

”i’m… i’m not — ” you bite down on your lip. harshly. stammering, voice cracking a bit, to your great dismay. ”… not kind. i hate all of them.”

”but you protect them,” he whispers, ”look after them.” his smile doesn’t waver, never ever, but you’ve never seen it look quite this knowing. and suddenly, he’s closing in on you, gazing at you with laughter in his eyes. 

you try to stand your ground, wanting nothing more than to flee, curl into yourself, scratch at him until he leaves. but your throat feels so dry, all of a sudden, a sensation that only deepens with the next words he breathes into life. 

”a little sweetheart who pretends to be all big and bad…” he eyes you up and down, a meaningful look, raven locks moving as he tilts his head. towering over you. ”is that what you are?”

nothing. no smart reply comes to you. all you can muster is a harsh glare, a low hiss crawling up your throat, like you’re preparing to lunge at him. it serves as a warning, but the amusement in his eyes doesn’t fluctuate. ”you…”

he chuckles. raspy, breathy, a shiver down your spine. ”your acting is even worse than mine.”

”shut up,” you snap, baring your teeth. it comes out almost like a growl, hot and heavy in your veins, and you don’t understand where all this emotion came from. strangling you, bubbling up within your bobbing throat. ”you don’t — understand me, okay?”

no one does. 

and that’s fine. you don’t want them to. 

(you just want him to stop looking you so fondly.)

”not yet,” he admits, eyes fluttering shut. a thoughtful hum on the tip of his tongue. ”… but i think i’m beginning to.” 

he’s looking at you, again, amber and honey and raven lashes, lapping up every hint of a tell in the way you shift from foot to foot. speaking like he knows you, like he’s known you all his life. ”you act difficult — scare everyone away… but deep down, you love them, don’t you?”

a scoff. desperate. ”no.”

”you want to loved,” he continues, not allowing you to flee. relentless in his pursuit of whatever he imagines must be hidden inside your soul, beneath all those layers of frost. ”understood. everyone does.”

”not me.”

”your highness.”

…

the knight continues to look at you, and you avoid his gaze like it could burn you into cinders — like it could turn you into dust. but he parts his lips, anyway, and speaks. so sincere it makes your chest hurt. words that echo through the endless hallways of the castle, against the surfaces of glass that line the walls. words that make your skin flush under the shadows of rain soon to fall.

he smiles, wide, teeth showing. and he speaks. 

”that was very, very kind of you.”

silence. so thick you wonder if you’re about to faint, or fall to the floor, or something equally embarrassing. a sentence so simple shouldn’t be making you feel this way, this weird. you don’t understand why it makes you feel anything, anything at all, and you don’t understand why your eyes suddenly feel a little glassy.

(someone saw through the act.)

”… whatever,” you squeeze out, at last, but it sounds a little meek. a tiny puff of air. turning around, sharply, blinking rapidly to shoo the tears away. ”i just didn’t want to hear that brat whining. it was hurting my ears.” 

suguru bites back a coo.

as he watches your back retreat, hurrying back to the comfort of your room, he’s almost certain that he’s making progress. that your walls are beginning to crumble, slowly but surely, bit by bit. the path before him clears — a thorny, foggy path through the woods, until a sunsplatter falls on the ground and tells him where to plant his feet. 

it’s not much, barely anything, but suguru’s always liked his hunts blindsighted. 

you turn a corner, and he follows suit. sparing a passing glance at the clouds on the boundary of the horizon, the sole ray of sunlight breaking through. and then he’s catching up to you with long strides.

(it’s his duty, yes, but he doesn’t think he’d mind it so much — getting to know his kind, misunderstood little lord.)

sadly, disappointingly, to your great shame — you begin to grow used to suguru’s presence in your life. constant, always close behind, always ready to be of service. as infuriatingly patient as ever. it’s a stretch, but you may have become just the slightest bit fond of it. 

maybe, possibly, you’ve even silently decided to stop trying to scare him away. stop acting so difficult with him, all the time.

or, well — sometimes.

”take me outside, please?” you whine, bottom lip jutting out into a deep pout, accompanied by a flutter of your lashes. 

the voice that spills from your lips is hopelessly meek, pleading, so sweet you’d get cavities if you didn’t know how fake it was. effortless, perfected, your one god-given talent; an irresistible pair of puppy dog eyes. 

suguru answers with a smile, tight-lipped. ”no.”

a beat.

”aw, come on,” you whine, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet. frustration bubbles up inside your veins, trickling down to your wrist, nails digging into your palm. ”why not? you’re supposed to listen to my every command!”

”still no, sweetheart.”

a series of grumbles scratch at the base of your throat, but suguru pays them no mind. patient, patient, patient. he’s even kind enough to ignore the way you pointedly avoid his gaze after the term of endearment slips past his lips. ”sorry, but that part is non-negotiable. you know i don’t have a choice.”

you do know. but it still makes your mood sour, pulls a sigh from out of your lips. he moves closer, familiar silver tray in hand, dragging a chair to where you’re seated by the windowsill.

”i did bring you this, though,” he gestures towards a particular glass bowl, filled with red berries. they shine like rubies in the light. ”strawberries, like you asked for. wasn’t easy to get a hold of.”

he places the tray right next to you, smiling as he takes a seat. ”cheer up, hm? don’t be so grumpy.”

your pout remains, but you do settle down a bit. just the teeniest, tiniest bit. definitely not because he was kind enough to indulge your cravings.

”… thanks for breakfast.” 

suguru beams, and you avoid his gaze, like always. biting into one of the rubies, the soft murmur of thanks still burning your tongue, soothed by sweet nectar. he lets you flee, lets you continue on like nothing happened, like it isn’t obvious how much you’ve warmed up to his presence. 

”you’re welcome, my lord.”

…

(even after spending more than a month together, he still won’t call you by name. won’t even entertain the idea. why does that bother you so much?)

peacefully, your morning ritual continues. the same as always; you eat, while suguru watches, a sweet smile on his lips. the silence remains until he opts to break it.

today, he sounds a little hesitant.

”say, your highness…” he picks at a piece of lint on his cloak, absentminded. ”could i ask you for a favour?”

you almost drop your fork. gaze snapping up to meet his own, as a few silent seconds tick on by. tick-tock, tick-tock. then you clear your throat, regaining your composure. trying to sound nonchalant. 

”what is it?” you probe, cutting across the yolk on your fried egg. watching the orange seep out, trickling down, sinking into the crust of your toast. suguru hums. 

”a friend of mine — he’s also a knight…” he wrings his hands together, legs parted. tapping his heel on the floor. ”we’ve been sparring together for a while. once a week, at least. but ever since the king hired me, we haven’t been able to.”

you watch as his gaze flickers down to his lap, then up to you again. it’s smooth, charming, but you still think it seems a little out of place. he must not be used to asking for favours.

”i was wondering if you’d be willing to accompany me? just down to the training fields by the castle.” his fingers tap against his bended knee, slow and methodical, from pointer to pinkie. ”the king gave us permission to spar there, but i’m obviously not allowed to let you out of my sight…”

you bite back a huff. obviously. he waits for a response that doesn’t come.

”… so?”

you meet his gaze, expectant. hopeful, maybe. it’s a nice touch — matches with the amber of his eyes.

”would that be alright with you?” he inquires, again. you think he sounds just a tiny bit unsure of himself.

a moment passes. silently, you look down at your lap. folded hands, itching to do something. something fun, new, exciting. 

your tongue forms around a wish. it spills into the air like a shooting star, a meek little whisper. ”… i wanna swing a sword.”

suguru blinks. once, then twice. ”you…” he tastes the words on his tongue, turning the image of you around in his head. ”want to swing a sword?

you nod. glancing at him, coughing a little under your breath. summoning just a bit of audacity, eyes trailing towards the sword by his hip. longingly. ”… i’ll only watch you spar if you let me try it.” 

a brief pause. he studies you intently, a mystery he’s yet to solve.

then he chuckles, light and airy, full of mirth. a sound you’ve grown fond of. ”well, okay. that’s fair.” he rises to his feet, smiling down at you. ”thank you, my lord.”

you don’t respond. but your eyes glitter with excitement, as you dutifully finish your breakfast, wolfing it down. waiting patiently for him to head down to the kitchen with the tray, for him to change into his training gear. 

when he knocks at your door, he’s wearing a flimsy little blouse. almost see-through, if you squint your eyes enough, exposing his bare skin. you think you see a scar curling up from his chest, reaching for his shoulder, just below it by a hair. and you can see his biceps, the fat, the muscle, practically begging to be bitten.

(tantalizing.)

he’s speaking to you, saying something, but you tune him out. focused on trying to restrain your growing urges. when he reaches up to fix his hair, tied up into a bun, the muscle of his arm twitches.

and, suddenly, you can’t contain yourself. 

giving in to the salivating temptation, you grab hold of his bicep, sinking your teeth into it — gentle, but enough that he feels it, enough to leave a set of teeth marks soon to fade. gnawing at it like a dog with a bone.

suguru blinks. pupils wide, quirking a silent brow, quick to smooth over the surprise in his eyes. 

you don’t move. teeth planted against the fabric, the firm muscle beneath it, surprising even yourself; his arm just looked so biteable. you wonder if he’s put off. upset.

but, as always, he’s eerily placating. like nothing you say or do could rock the ship of his patience, an endless sea. smooth, airy laughter flits past his lips, giving way to an indulgent smile. he studies you with fascination, like you’re a creature he hasn’t encountered before.

ever so gently, he grabs hold of your jaw — and the warmth of his touch shocks you into letting it go slack. before you can say anything, he’s rolling up his sleeve. exposing the tender skin.

”go wild, your highness,” he grins, offering his arm up like a lamb to a hungry fox. a teasing mirth in his eyes, his voice coming out as a low purr. ”i don't mind a mark or two.”

to your horror — it flusters you terribly.

you cough. taking a step back, averting your gaze, suddenly disinterested. feigning indifference, anyhow; that was definitely a scar. and a cool one, too. you think you might even have caught a glimpse of a birthmark or two. 

”i’m… just keeping you on your toes,” you stumble for an excuse, still unable to look at him properly. missing the way he stifles a bout of laughter. ”for your training, y’know? gotta stay on your guard.”

”of course. i appreciate the help,” he quips, fond, as he gestures for you to take the lead. ”he’s waiting for us. are you ready?”

for a second, just a second, you consider grabbing his arm. letting him guide you. but the thought is fleeting, like a bundle of peach blossoms, brushed away by the sunshine seeping in through the window’s glass — illuminating the marble flooring. 

a mellow excitement simmers in your bones. 

you head down to the training grounds with a pep in your step, and your loyal knight follows suit. just behind, always, wearing a smile you can’t see.

”suguru!”

the man that greets you with cheerful fervour, seated cross-legged under a peach tree, isn’t quite what you expected him to be. 

when you heard knight, you imagined someone a bit more… intimidating. but this guy is far from imposing. a little shorter than suguru, brown locks stopping right around his ears, exposing his sunkissed skin. freckles scattered across his nose and cheekbones, a happy little grin curled right around his lips. 

he’s cute. a bit like a puppy. not very knightly, though.

”haibara,” suguru greets, a mellow warmth to his voice. the man in question shoots up from the ground, stumbling towards you both, excitement in his hazel eyes. suguru gestures towards you. ”this is the royal heir. the one who doesn’t like having their hand kissed.”

your head whips towards him, an angered flush to your cheeks — you’re almost sure that he’s smirking, giving you a teasing glance, but haibara’s exclamation prevents you from voicing any protests. 

”hi!” he beams, bowing deeply, so sudden that you jolt a bit. his head whips up instantly, brown locks stirred by the breeze, voice warm and smooth. like honeysuckle nectar. ”thank you so much for letting us spar, your highness! i’ve heard so much about you!”

”… um.” your gaze falls down to a pebble on the ground. unsure of how to act, murmuring under your breath. ”you — it’s… no need to thank me. i wanted to get some air, anyway.”

he continues to look at you, eyes shining with a pure kind of cheer. glittering, honeyed and sweet, too bright to look at directly. you hear suguru exhale amusedly to your left. he’s looking right at you when you glance towards him. 

his hand inches closer to his scabbard, fingertips trailing down the leather. ”should we get started?”

haibara brightens even further, if possible. ”oh, right!” he exclaims. ”you wanted to try swinging a sword, your highness? that’s so exciting! is this your first time?”

a blink. you aren’t really sure how to handle this guy; he’s a bit too sunny to be snarky to. like a fuzzy ball of sunshine given human form, bouncing on the balls of his feet, tail practically wagging behind him. all you can muster is a weak cough. ”uh, yeah.”

”well, you’re here to learn.” suguru speaks up. guiding you both towards the center of the field, hand still at the sword on his hip. ”let me show you.”

in one smooth motion, he’s pulling it out of its sheath, a stripe of silver absorbing the rays of the sun. glimmering, slicing the blue sky in half. 

you’re a little awestruck.

and then he’s facing you. leaning forward, with a familiar tilt of his head, offering the blade with a smile. ”do you want to try swinging it around a bit?”

barely containing your excitement, you nod. making grabby hands at it.

that makes him chuckle. he makes no move to stop you when your fingers curl around the hilt, only parting his lips for a quick warning, a split second too late. you take it into your arms. ”careful, it’s a bit —”

— the sword clatters to the ground with a thud.

silence.

haibara breaks out into laughter, sudden, fond and warm, but enough to have your cheeks burning. fresh with embarrassment, humiliation, before you even hear the breathy chuckle that slips from your knight’s lips.

”… i was gonna say it’s a bit heavy,” he hums, closed knuckle in front of his lips and obscuring his smile. ”i’m sorry, my lord. do you —”

”whatever.” a hiss escapes your throat, and suguru winces. he knows where this is going; knows a bundle of thorns just erupted from the stalk of your spine, knows you're about to get defensive. ”like i’d ever want to touch your dusty sword. get — get real.”

he tries again. patient, patient. the familiar tick-tock of his never-ending kindness. ”hey, we aren’t making fun of you,” he soothes, hoping it’ll make your edges soften. like scratching a feral dog behind its ear. ”it’s understandable. you weren’t expecting it. i’ll let you try again, hm?”

a tiny pause. 

(you’re being childish, again.)

brows furrowed, hanging your head, you kick at a pebble on the ground. having collected yourself a bit. ”… maybe next time,” you finally speak, still grumbling. after you’ve spent some time lifting weights in your room.

suguru tilts his head. speaking softly. ”you sure?”

”yeah.” taking a step back, you raise your head to meet his gaze. ”i’ll just watch you. it’s fine.”

”… okay,” he exhales. leaning forward to pick up his sword from the ground. ”i can spar with you next time, if you want. you’ll be a pro in no time.”

he gives you another sweet smile, bangs fluttering with the breeze; painted in cerulean sunshine. he’s so gorgeous it makes you angry.

a sharp huff. ”don’t patronize me,” is all you can mutter, meeting the eyes of the knight by his side. standing up straighter. ”haibara,” you call. ”knock him around a bit for me, okay?”

from the corner of your eye, suguru pouts.

but the puppy-knight only grins, as bright as the sun in the sky. ”you got it, your highness!” he salutes, cheeks flushing with giddy excitement. 

as you sit on the benches a little farther away, dragonflies buzz in the air. fleeting glimmers of chartreuse and cerulean, chirping happily, keeping you company as you watch the knights spar. the clangs of their blades, the elegance in the way suguru moves. a violent little waltz. he’s sweating, just a bit, but you can see it, droplets glittering in the sun. he looks like he’s having fun. 

he looks like himself. like he isn’t holding back, isn’t acting obedient or well-mannered for the sake of pleasing his superiors. like this, here and now, he looks wild, free, a dog that turns into a wolf under the glow of the sun. 

for a second, your eyes meet — just as he narrowly avoids a slash. 

and he smirks, ever so slightly, suddenly gaining a little more momentum. flashing a brief grin, sunlight reflecting off his white teeth. you huff. heat crawling up your neck. 

show off.

”excuse me, your highness?”

the sudden voice snaps you out of your stupor. mesmerized, by the spectacle before you, the glimmer of their blades and the sight of your knight’s smile. it’s an unfamiliar voice, close, close enough that your head turns to meet the stranger’s ugly grin — inching closer still.

(uh oh.)

— just up ahead, lost in their own worlds, are two knights; huffing and smirking and narrowly dodging each other’s strikes. suguru takes the lead, as always, guiding haibara into improving his swordsmanship. but they both learn from it. and it’s fun, lighthearted, a respite from their more gruesome duties. 

it’s helped suguru more times than he can count; those tiny flickers of normalcy, in a wholly unpredictable profession. a life of bowing and bowing and killing what needs to be killed.

slash, slash, and then two steps back. the same old dance. haibara’s starting to lose momentum, he notices, adam’s apple bobbing with his heavy breaths.

so suguru stills. ”alright, that’s enough for now,” he calls, stretching idly. craning his head, looking around him absently. he wonders if you’re still watching. ”i think i see what the problem is.”

haibara perks up, obeying without a word, wiping the sweat off his forehead and walking towards his friend with a sunny smile. ”okay, great!”

but suguru isn’t looking at him, anymore. 

he’s looking towards the benches, where his little lord is seated, speaking to an unfamiliar man. one who currently has his hand on their forearm, caressing it. you look guarded, irritated, a little like you’re about to bare your teeth. trying to pull away, but he doesn’t let you. and suguru recognizes that look — the one that means you’re about to start biting and hissing, inching your claws into whatever’s within reach.

(not to injure, but to ground yourself, he’s learned. like how you clutch onto the fabric of your clothing when you’re nervous, sink your nails into your palm. not to injure, but to feel safe.)

in the blink of an eye, he’s making his way towards you. beckoned by his duty, his natural instinct, a protective itch that curls around his ribcage and crawls up his throat. large strides, much swifter than usual. he moves without thinking, and he’s there before he has the time to form a coherent thought.

with as much gentleness as he can possibly muster, he grabs hold of the stranger’s arm. smiling, tight-lipped, cold. ”excuse me, sir,” he greets, ”i need to borrow them for a moment.”

the man meets his gaze with a sour look. bitter, ugly, oddly possessive — like he thinks he owns the arm he’s holding. it makes suguru want to teach him a lesson, show off his sword, but he resists the temptation in a way you never could. his expression is a warning, though, enough to scare most rowdy drunkards and snobby royals away.

and it works. the stranger looks to you, briefly, before finally letting go of your poor arm. something rigid in suguru’s jaw finally relaxes. ”who are you?” comes a question, as the man turns to face him with a look full of contempt. ”their knight?”

before suguru can say anything, you’ve hopped off the bench. clinging to him, with a firm nod; your arms around his bicep. ”yeah. he is.”

(suguru fails to stifle a smug smile.)

with a string of bitter mumbles and a silent frustration, the man scurries away. hesitant, only after being met with another warning glance from the knight in front of him. intimidating, far less subtle, towering above him like a predator over their prey.

as soon as he’s out of sight, your knight turns to you, scanning your face for signs of discomfort. loyal, attentive. ”are you okay?” he asks, a silent shame in his voice. if only he had noticed sooner. ”did he do anything to you?”

you shake your head. ”it’s fine. probably one of the king’s friends — stops by every now and then.” a sigh, a little fatigued, following your explanation. ”they’re mostly harmless. just creepy and touchy.”

”that doesn’t sound very harmless…” suguru lets you pull away, quick to hide the disappointment that flashes in his eyes as you do, waving haibara off with a silent gesture of give us a minute. ”don’t worry. i’ll keep an eye out, from now on.”

still a little guarded, you nod. letting suguru guide you by the small of your back, taking a seat on the solid bench once more. together, this time. 

”there are a lot of those types around the town square,” he exhales, weary, stretching out his limbs before leaning forward. elbows resting on his bended knees. ”they’re a pain to deal with. i’m sorry you have to.”

”are there?” you ask, tone laced with curiosity. ”in the town?” 

”well, i’m sure you’ve heard. that place is a bit of a mess, these days…” a click of his tongue. ”more work for the knights.”

a dragonfly settles on the bridge of his nose. suguru blinks, smiling gently, until it flutters away with a raspy squeak. fading away, melting into the blue paint of the sky. you bite down on your lip. 

”… i haven’t.”

he turns to look at you. raising a brow.

”i haven’t heard about it at all. the king told you, right?” you meet his eye with a rueful smile, before leaning back, nose turned up towards the sky. for a second, you think the air smells a bit of rain. ”i’m not allowed to go out into town.”

your knight falls silent.

so you continue. grinning, with no humour to it. maybe a bit eager to overshare, to break the silent rules you’ve been given. the secret tastes like honey on your tongue. ”i’m a bastard child. he probably told you that, too.” you wouldn’t be surprised. ”thinks it's optimal for everyone involved if i just stay cooped up in the castle.” 

closing your eyes, your voice drips with something close to longing. barely above a whisper. ”i haven't been to the town in a couple of years, now.”

…

he only hums. ”i see.”

(there’s sympathy, in his amber eyes, but you don’t turn around to see it. you don’t turn to look at him until he’s finished sparring, and haibara’s about to leave. 

you wonder if he’ll meet your gaze the same way as before.) 

— that evening, suguru knocks at your door right as you're about to fall asleep. three rapid knocks, the same as always, knuckle against wood. rousing you from your rest.

when you open it, he’s holding something out towards you.

”here,” he says, voice set to a mellow tilt. upon closer inspection, he’s holding a bottle. transparent, see-through, stuffed to the brim with sea glass. smooth little colourful pebbles, green and blue and pink and orange, like frozen little camellias. ”for you, my lord.”

blinking sluggishly, you take it into your arms; holding it up in front of your eyes. when the light of the moon flitting in through the curtains hits it just right, it blossoms with colour, sparkling with every shade you’ve ever seen. shining like a heap of jewels, in your hands, like something out of a picture-book. magical.

it’s mesmerizing. 

”i asked haibara to get it from the town,” he explains, drinking in your expression of awe. ”this one lady — she collects them herself. i see her by the beach nearly every time i go there.”

when you look up, his smile is serene. peaceful, if just a little bit tired. but he looks pleased, lips curling around silky syllables. ”i thought of you.”

it’s odd, you think. you aren’t a stranger to gifts; you get most of what you desire if you just say the word, an easy way for the king to keep you compliant. as if to make up for the plethora of experiences you’ve missed out on since your birth. and you’ve had more than a couple suitors, men and women, eager to gain your favour. 

but this — this particular gift…

…

”it’s pretty,” you murmur, finally, unable to voice even a sliver of the emotions clogging up your chest. shying away from his gaze, feeling your heart pulse against your ribcage. ”… i guess.”

suguru just smiles. always, always, always. no matter what you do. ”i’ll get you something else next time,” he promises, ready to go back to standing guard outside the castle. ”get some sleep, okay? be good.”

and you can’t bring yourself to protest. not even a tiny huff of don’t tell me what to do. you can’t bring yourself to do anything but nod, soft and pliant, still gazing at the bottle of sea glass in your hands. like you might turn into one of those transparent pebbles, if you wish for it enough.

that night, you dream of waves crashing against sand, the taste of seafoam on your tongue. every colour in the world. a newfound, reawakened wish — a wish to see more of it.

”are you trying to sneak out again?”

owlishly, all you can do is blink. propped up on the windowsill, immersed in the process of tying pillowcases and bedsheets together to form a rope. caught in the act — by none other than suguru, standing by the threshold, hand on his hip, watching you with silent disapproval. you didn’t think he’d come check on you this late.

a gulp. ”… no?”

and he sighs. walking towards you, brows furrowed, running a hand through his raven locks. you can tell he’s trying to be a little more sympathetic, this time, but it only makes the bitter taste on your tongue thicken. 

”look — i know it’s not fair to you, but the king and queen specifically ordered me —”

”i get it,” you cut him off, with a hiss, a little harsher than you meant to. you soften your voice before continuing. "i know. okay? i know.”

resigned, but frustrated, you clench the silken material of the bedsheets. glaring at them like it’s somehow their fault that the queen couldn’t bear an heir, that your father has a knack for sleeping around. like it’s their fault that he’s so ashamed of your existence that he doesn’t want you integrating into society on anything other than his own terms, until he’s dead and gone and doesn’t have to take accountability anymore. 

like it’s their fault that it’ll always be like this, forever, that it’s better not to hope for more.

(why can’t you just accept that?)

the knight before you exhales. troubled, watching your nails dig into the fabric, watching the way you bite down on your lip and rapidly blink. all signs of your frustration, your sadness, that you always try so hard to hide. 

”hey. how about this?” he tries to get your attention, voice soothing enough to coax you into raising your gaze. ”i’ll tell you a story instead.”

he stifles a chuckle, at the dubious look you send his way, teetering on the edge of a glare. slithering towards you. ”i’ve seen a lot of places. i can tell you about them, if you’d like.” he takes a seat right next to you, on the windowsill, a slice of the moon in bare view. ”what do you want to know?”

you’re silent, for a second. gnawing at your bottom lip, in contemplation, the tiniest bit of nervosity. like you aren’t quite sure if you’re allowed to speak your wishes aloud.

”… the woods.”

suguru blinks. a little caught off guard. 

his silence makes you want to bare your fangs, a bit. misinterpreting it as judgement. your voice comes out cold. ”what?”

but he’s quick to smooth over his features with a smile, as always, cocking his head amusedly. ”sorry — i was expecting you to say the sea, or something,” he stifles a chuckle. “it's the woods that you're so curious about?”

you pout. ”… you can see them from here.”

his head turns towards the window’s glass, squinting his eyes to see the sea of dark green in the distance, a cluster of thick trees. he hums. ”yeah, you can. well… that particular spot isn’t too bad. not many bandits or beasts.” your gaze stays glued onto his lips, every word that spills from them. ”there are wolves, though. this side of the kingdom is crawling with them.”

”they sell their fur,” you state.

(that’s one thing you do know. you spent more of your childhood around wolf pelts than your own parents. they might as well be your legal guardians.)

suguru nods. ”they do. it's a big portion of the kingdom’s exports… general market, as well.”

a frown tugs at your lips. you think of your fluffy childhood guardians, unable to howl or even make a sound; hunters turned decorations.

”isn’t that… kinda fucked up?”

he smiles, revealing no emotion. ”do you think it is?”

you only shrug. ”i’m not surprised that they eat us.” you think of all the stories you’ve heard, the fairy tales you grew up with. ”… if i was a wolf, i’d hate humans too.”

”would you, now?” familiar amusement, seeping from his tongue, soft crows’ feet by his cedar eyes. ”good thing you aren’t a wolf, then. we’re lucky.”

”mhm. you’d be my first target.”

that makes him chuckle, a little deeper this time, and you drink in the glimpse you get of his teeth, the fondness that dances across his face when he looks at you. 

a sudden urge overtakes you. 

”… i wanna know about something else.”

”oh?” he tilts his head, soft locks framing his kind eyes. ”and what would that be, my dear?”

”you.”

… 

for a moment, the mask falls. a silent, subtle kind of surprise, something in the way the tips of his fingers twitch that tells you he’s caught off guard. it coaxes you into continuing, following through with your question. swallowing the embarrassment. ”i wanna know more about you. how you became a knight, and… stuff.”

suguru looks at you with a strange glint in his eyes. undecipherable, unspoken, just watching as moonrays glide across your soft skin. ruffling your hair. 

a hum buzzes in his throat. he scratches at the back of his neck, resisting the urge to dodge your question. clicking his tongue. ”… well.”

anticipation blooms in your eyes, and you cross your legs, waiting patiently to hear him speak. he can’t deny you, when you look at him like that — so suguru simply exhales. a breath of indulgence. 

”it’s not a very interesting story,” he leads, closing his eyes in remembrance. ”they scouted me when i was pretty young…. a bit of a troublemaker, honestly, but i got lucky." memories flash behind his eyelids, fresh bruises, sliced fruit. bittersweet. ”ended up around some powerful people. they liked me. knighthood felt like the right choice.” 

he meets your entranced gaze, speaking with sincerity, devotion dipped in honey and holy water. sinking deeper still. ”it’s my purpose in life,” he breathes, a flurry of whispers on his tongue. heavier than either of you know. ”truly.”

you cock your head. ”being a knight?”

”protecting the weak,” he says. recites. like he’s said it a million times before, in the face of beasts, in the reflection of broken mirrors, a mantra to live and die by. ”protecting those who can’t protect themselves.”

the look in his eyes frightens you. deeper than the deepest lake, dark and murky, dragging him down. a devotion that smells of iron, tastes like steel. mania disguised as loyalty.

(knights love duty. almost as much as they love dying for it. that’s what your father always says.)

”but, honestly — this kind of thing isn’t bad,” he breaks you out of your trance, grinning sheepishly, almost boyishly. ”it’s been a while since i had so much fun on the job… thank you for that.”

he’s looking at you, right at you, into your eyes, with an expression reserved for you and you alone. earnest, grateful, a sincerity he wouldn’t show anyone else. ”honestly.”

you can do nothing but avert your gaze. swiftly, meekly, feeling heat crawl up your neck, blooming across your cheeks like the branches of a plum tree. suguru grins, gulping down the slightest coo — but he can’t resist the urge to poke fun at you a bit.

”… you’re a shy one, aren’t you?” he searches for your gaze, chuckling when he doesn’t find it. when you don’t let him. ”can’t even look people in the eye if they’re being nice to you… how precious.”

”oh, shut up,” you groan, glaring out into the night sky. blinking slowly, drowsily, biting back a yawn that your attentive knight still manages to notice. 

(he looks a little enamored.)

”ah… is my sweet little lord getting sleepy?”

”no,” you scoff, far too quick. ”i’m… tired.”

”of course.” he reaches out, carefully, to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. ”tired — not sleepy. that would be outrageous, wouldn’t it?” 

a yawn. ”it would.” 

low laughter bubbles up at the base of his throat, like seafoam, melting roses. deep and summery. ”alright. that’s enough stories for tonight, i think.” and with that, he gets up. ”let’s get you to bed, hm?”

rubbing your eyes, absently kicking your legs, you give him a slow nod of your head. making grabby hands at him that you’re sure you’ll be embarrassed about in the morning — but it feels easy, to be greedy, to know that your wants won’t be ignored when you’re with him. ”carry me, suguru.”

an indulgent smile. he doesn’t say anything, only curling his arms under your thighs, lifting you up and cradling you to his chest. you can feel his firm muscles, like this, trace them with your fingertips, hear the beating of his heart. tick-tock, tick-tock. a lullaby. a sense of safety, when you can’t tell where your heartbeat ends and his begins.

lost in that fuzzy, sleepy feeling, a blink away from falling into dreamland, fatigue washes over you — but you cling to his sleeve, even as he tucks you in, dragging the blanket up to cover you properly. 

”suguru,” you murmur, so quiet you doubt he hears it. ”will you tell me more stories tomorrow?”

”of course.” right before sleep coaxes you into its cradle, you feel the weight of his palm on your head; ruffling your hair. ”as many as you want, your highness.”

he smiles, as your eyes flutter shut, at the soft little breaths that flow from your lips. before he slips out, he blows out the candle on the nightstand, a silent prayer that your dreams will be kinder to you than his. 

— one week of nagging later, suguru’s resolve finally crumbles. it’s progress, at last, a tiny crack in his clockwork heart. 

but for once, it works in your favour.

”do you really want to see the outside world that badly?”

he’s got an arm locked around your waist, stopping you from one of your numerous escape attempts. you’ve gotten bolder, sneaking away the moment he takes his eyes off you, but suguru isn’t easy to fool — catching up to you just as you stepped outside the castle, now stuck in place under the portico. it’s to be expected, with that sixth sense of his, the one that seems to alert him as soon as you think the thought to get him in trouble. 

but you still can’t help but pout, huff and puff, pushing at his chest in a helpless attempt to break free. he’s sweet about it, gentle, but entirely unmoving. like a big, annoyingly handsome rock.

”what do you think?” you scoff, narrowing your eyes at him. ”no, of course not. this whole time, i’ve just been trying to escape for fun. like, as a bit. how could you tell?”

he rolls his eyes, and you break out into a grin. ”mind the sarcasm, please.” he barely resists the urge to pinch your side; letting you loose, instead, trusting you not to scurry away. he’d catch up to you instantly, anyhow. "i’m just saying, it might not be as interesting as you think —“

”what are you, stupid?”

”what did we say about letting people finish their sentences?” he raises a brow, stern, and you try not to cower. rolling your eyes instead. suguru just sighs. ”i understand why you want to leave. but you have a good life, here. better than most.”

”… i know that,” you grumble, biting down on your lip. a resignation in your eyes that your knight can't protect you from. ”i just —”

you sigh. 

”it’s just so suffocating.”

suguru falls into a contemplative silence. weighing his options, studying the flicker of emotions in your eyes, the tapping of your idle fingers. hands eager to fidget with something. 

moments pass, one at a time, a familiar lullaby of pitter patter ricocheting off the ground just outside your vision. the air smells of marigolds, burning wood, wet concrete. the beginnings of summer.

finally, he makes up his mind. 

”… okay, okay.”

when you look up from the ground, what awaits you is an outstretched hand. a familiar palm, and a familiar knight, with a familiar smile on his face. ”but don’t get used to it, alright?”

…

you part your lips, but no sound comes out. gaping like a fish out of water, hunting for the right words. suguru waits. patient.

”w — hold on,” you stutter, eyes blooming with hesitant hope, studying him intently for any signs of trickery. ”you mean — seriously? like, for real?”

he shrugs. ”it’s my duty to keep you happy.” devotion clings to his tongue, sweet indulgence. ”figure i can make an exception this once.”

another moment passes.

(there isn’t a hint of deceit in his features.)

a grin breaks out across your lips, like a joyous bolt of lighting, and you lunge into his chest — throwing your arms over his broad shoulders, jumping up and down, planting a wet kiss against his cheek. bubbly, giddy, heart racing with disbelief. you don’t even have it in you to be a little bratty. ”thank you, thank you, thank you!”

suguru makes a choked out noise, a little comical, breath hitching in the back of his throat. stabilizing you with a palm on the small of your back, patting it softly, once or twice, before retracting his arm and pulling away. clearing his throat. ”… you’re welcome.”

(his ears burn a cherry red.)

”but this is our little secret,” he reminds you, firmly, collecting himself. or trying to. ”got it?”

”yep.”

”if anyone asks, you —”

”yep, yep, understood.” you brush him off, still grinning brightly. ”don’t worry! i won’t tell a soul, i promise. swear on my mother’s grave!”

your knight exhales. worried, maybe, a little exasperated — mostly just trying to mask how infectious your joy is. how addicted he is to it, now that he’s seen it up close. he’s only caught glimpses in the midst of your painting sessions; to see it directed at him instead of the wolf on your canvas is a treasure he won’t soon forget. 

sneakily, stealthily, like a pair of bad dogs, the two of you begin your journey to the woods on the horizon. wearing cloaks, sticking together, until the sun begins to set and the sky drains of colour. 

and before you know it, it’s right there in front of you. a narrow path into the woods, a cluster of trees, a world you’ve always dreamed of. dark and gritty, beautiful, brimming with bugs and sights yet to be seen. creatures you could only ever see in picture books. a dreamlike world that takes shape before you, like paint splattered on a canvas, as you follow suguru’s lead — right behind him, clinging to the fabric of his cloak, excitement flooding your veins. heart thumping erratically in your chest. 

when you’ve made it to a tiny clearing, you stop in your tracks. suguru’s holding a lantern, a flicker of orange in the dark green world before you, attracting fuzzy moths. proud trees stand tall all around you, keeping guard, mushrooms and forget me nots scattered across the dewy patches of grass. keeping them company. 

everything smells of life, earth, oak wood and thinly veiled secrets. you want to live here forever.

suguru turns to look at you, noticing the way you’ve stilled. completely mesmerized, bewitched, eyes gleaming with childlike happiness. he tuts, doing a bad job at hiding how pleased he is. the sound makes you meet his eye.

”careful,” he croons, inching closer. fingertips ghosting over your wrist, right above your pulsepoint. ”could be wolves around. stay close.”

you tilt your head, feigning confusion. ”i’ve already got one right next to me, though?”

the comment earns you a flat expression, unimpressed, and it pulls a giggle from out your throat. the corners of suguru’s lips curl up, unwillingly, as he shakes his head; exhaling a tired breath. exasperated. 

then he hums. ”well, at least you're aware.”

suddenly, he’s walking forward, slipping away, cold air replacing the buzzing warmth of his skin on yours. hot blood, ever flowing, hidden within his veins — pumped out from his heavy heart. it’s there and then it’s gone. tick, tock, one step after the other, until he’s turning around to face you again. unfurling his outstretched hand, waiting for you to grab hold of it. 

his long hair sways with the breeze, smooth and unburdened, black like the night sky above you. a starry glint in his eyes. his voice comes out deep, a raspy lilt, like the scraping of metal against concrete. 

when he smiles, you think you catch a glimpse of sharp teeth.

”will you trust this wolf to keep you safe?”

under the web of shadows cast by the trees, barely illuminated by the shivering moon, all you can do is watch him. his gleaming eyes, the curl of a toothy grin on his lips. a knight, a wolf, a friend.

your protector. 

finally, finally, you grasp onto his offered hand. his fingers intertwine with your own, a puzzle finally solved, and his palm feels a little calloused. skin littered with tiny scars, years of training and killing, but it’s still somehow so soft. nice and smooth. 

he’s warm. and now he’s smiling at you, like you put all the gold of the world into his palm. 

”yeah,” you grin, a little cheeky. stepping closer, clinging to him without restraint, knowing he’ll indulge you. ”keep me safe, wolfie.”

his laughter rings out into the air like a cicada song, sweet and nostalgic. or a howl, maybe. it makes you want to gnaw at his bones; memorize his taste, so you’ll never quite be without him. it’s not your fault he looks so chewable when he’s smiling like that.

”i will,” he promises, vows, pledges, hand on his heavy heart. knights and their rituals. ”you don’t have to worry about a thing. not while i’m here.”

and you don’t. you know you don’t. because suguru is the greatest knight, the coolest wolf, and his clockwork heart never ceases to tick. it won’t break under pressure, no matter how much you push — so you don’t bother holding back. wrapping both arms around his bicep, cozying up to him, tugging at his cloak with a pep in your step. 

”c’mon, c’mon!" you beckon him forward. "i wanna see how everything looks up close.”

and he just lets you manhandle him, for a bit. following your lead. ”of course,” he croons. ”your wish is my command, your highness.”

the night stretches on, seemingly never-ending, like the branches of the oak tree you find in the heart of the woods. broken, beautiful, stretching out in all directions — as if wishing to engulf the world. a garden of forking paths, covered in jagged bark, but still somehow so warm to the touch. you’re sure there’s a heartbeat in there, somewhere. maybe a couple of swords too.

all good things must come to an end. but you refuse to leave the comfort of your mossy haven until suguru promises to bring you back, someday, maybe, if you play nice. it’s a deal that you’re willing to take.

only then do you begin your journey back towards the castle. having gotten your fill, for now, left to wallow in the newfound sights etched into your memory. still clinging to your knight like a child with their favorite doll, babbling into his ear about something or another. about how you’re almost sure you saw a wolf in the bushes, about how pretty the cicadas’ songs were. how you’re gonna convince him to take you there every single day.

the sun is yawning, stretching its endless limbs out, getting ready to rise and envelop the world. the sky is a calm blue, soon to be painted orange and pink, but you aren’t tired at all. you must sound a little incoherent, but suguru nods along to your every word. listening attentively.

so kind. so patient. sure, he’s a tease, and more than a little patronizing — but you don’t think you’ve ever liked anyone this much before. it’s weird. it’s fun. 

(you wonder if he feels the same.)

”hey, suguru?”

he keeps his eyes locked on the road ahead, but still spares you a brief glance, just to let you know you have his full attention. a second of hesitance is all your sleepy brain allows you, curiosity enveloping most of your functioning thoughts.

”would you… i mean. if i was, like… a different person —” you pause. suguru quirks a brow, and you suddenly feel a little flustered. ”um, what i mean is! like, if the king ordered you to be someone else’s knight… would you protect them like you do with me?”

he blinks. once, then twice, meeting your hopeful gaze. stifling a yawn, and parting his lips. 

”obviously.”

…

your face falls. lips dropping down into a soft pout, rich with disappointment, paired with a barely audible huff. suguru furrows his brows, playfully, smiling in the way he always does when he’s about to tease you.

”ah, my bad,” he croons. ”were you expecting something else? a… forbidden romance, perhaps?”

before you can begin to protest, warmth rushing to your cheeks, he stops walking. dropping down on one knee, dramatically, with a flutter of his cloak. theatrical. 

gently, he grabs hold of your hand, bringing it to his lips as his eyes flutter shut. you bite back a squeak. his voice comes out low, sultry, honeyed — so heavy with emotion that it’s obvious he’s faking it. ”the only person i yearn to protect is you, my liege,” his breath feels hot against your skin. ”i could never love another. i exist for you, and you alone.” 

suddenly, he’s smirking. you feel it against the knots of your knuckle, right before he cracks a single eye open. glimmering with deep amusement. ”… is that better?”

and you huff. sharply, doing all that you can to avoid getting flustered, his heavy gaze burning right into your own. it really, really doesn’t work. ”you’re so mean.”

”not mean,” he chuckles, rising to his feet. dusting off his cloak. ”i’m just… managing your expectations, my lord. they’d have my head on the chopping block if i so much as touched you without their consent — you know that.”

another little huff. ”i never said i wanted you to…” 

(you do, though.)

suguru hums. ”i’m your knight,” he reminds you, as always, until you get tired of hearing it. steadfast, irrefutable. ”that’s all. remember?”

something bitter settles on your tongue. 

but you nod. ”that’s right,” you hum. ”mine.”

a teasing mirth flickers through his eyes, like the first setting sunrays reflecting off cathedral glass. reverent, dyeing the world in all the colour it asks for. and he chuckles, raspy, amused. ”possessive little thing…”

that’s right, you remind yourself. he’s your knight. your lying, teasing, playwright of a knight. always wearing a mask, hiding behind a suit of armor, playing one role or another. only baring himself under the light of the sun, when no one is around to see. he’s infuriatingly patient, endlessly loyal, the greatest bootlicker you’ve encountered in your life. but he’s kind, too. maybe a little too kind. 

and he always, always kneels. 

such a large man, all toned muscle and tall stature, broad shoulders and a firm chest — kneeling at your feet. like a loyal dog. with a rustle of armor, a flutter of fabric, a sigh and a smile. as soon as you ask for it.

”c’mon. let’s hurry back,” you hear him say, biting back another yawn. ”before anyone finds out i kidnapped you. don’t want me to get in trouble, do you?”

”i kinda do.”

a silent look. unimpressed. it’s the most sincere expression he knows how to make, and also the most comical. ”careful,” he looks ahead, hiding his amused smile. ”wolves eat bratty heirs, you know? better stay on my good side, your highness.”

a bout of sleepy giggles. you curl an arm around his bicep, putting your weight onto him, but he doesn’t stumble. ”sorry, mr wolf! please, by all means, eat my dear father instead.”

”don’t be disrespectful.”

”sorry,” you quip, entirely unapologetic. ”i forgot you had a crush on him. that’s my ba — ow!”

suguru brushes by you, walking forward, hiding his growing grin. leaving you with an ache in your hip and two wide eyes. 

”hurry up, my lord. we don’t have all day.”

”wha — you pinched me!” you stumble after him, barely containing your quiet delight. ”they’ll have your head for this, you know!”

silent laughter. you don’t need to hear it to know that it’s there, just ahead of you, tucked into crows’ feet and a curl of his lips.

suguru always kneels.

but, sometimes, he talks to you as if you’re equals. sometimes he takes the lead, pinches your hip, tells you off a little. teasing, patient, but there’s an edge to him that he doesn’t always hide. sometimes, he lets you see it, and you figure that must make you at least a little bit special.

sometimes, he feels like your best friend.

careless, careless, careless.

how could he ever be so careless?

everything blurs into a puddle of red. murky, sticky, everywhere all at once. all he sees is red, all he feels is burning. his heartbeat pulses at the base of his throat, bottom lip bruised and aching from hours of sinking his teeth into the flesh, over and over — every single nerve of his body running on adrenaline and nothing else.

(adrenaline and fear, maybe, but they’ve always been synonymous. never one without the other.)

the slaughter is mindless. suguru knows that’s how they like it, anyhow — knights aren’t supposed to think. they don’t need to. 

suguru certainly isn’t. cutting his way through the bandit’s den, practically growling, sword painted such a dark shade of red that he doubts he’ll ever be able to wipe it clean. harsh slashes, pure instinct, wildfire inside his veins, iron on his tongue. 

suguru isn’t thinking, he’s hunting. sniffing like a bloodhound. eyes scanning the area before him like a hungry beast.

suguru is hunting — for you.

and when he sees you, at last, tied up and barely conscious, he’s almost certain he’s going to grow claws, fangs, matted fur. that he’s going to turn into a beast beneath the fading moonlight.

but he falls to his knees, instead, like a wounded dog. throwing his burganet off, with a clatter, crawling closer. heaving breaths, untying you with shaky hands, greedy fingertips hunting for a pulsepoint —

and only when he finds it does he allow himself the luxury of breathing again.

when you come to, veins dragged down by a fuzzy sensation, your vision is blurred. foggy, dull colours on the canvas of your mind, gradually washed away as you struggle for control. you stir, and finally see the figure above you. 

what you see is a knight, a wolf, a beast beneath the moonlight. a kind, kind man.

suguru.

bloodied armor. sweaty, messy hair, sticking to his forehead. pure panic in his bloodshot eyes. he cradles your face, cold metal on your cheek, dirty and smelling of iron. he moves his mouth; you delude yourself into thinking that his bottom lip is trembling. forming around familiar vowels.

he’s saying your name.

there must be something wrong with you, you belatedly realize. the last one to do so. because you’re hurt, scared, but you still feel a skip of your heartbeat. 

(he finally said it.)

you muster all the strength at your disposal, eyelids fluttering. and you try to answer, you do, reaching for that thread between your brain and your tongue — but it comes out as a garbled little thing, more air than noise. 

it’s enough. the tense crease between his brows melts away, and he sighs.

”oh, thank the heavens.”

another sensation. he’s touching your hand, now, cold metal on warm skin, bringing it up to his lips; a shaky little exhale brushing against the knots of your knuckle. his lips are chapped. 

then he’s scooping you up, cradling you close, as close as metaphysically possible, as if willing to cut his stomach open to fit you inside. a firm grip, comforting, stable. desperate, a mother wolf carrying her cub to safety, by the skin of her teeth. his hair tickles your skin, but you don’t mind.

only when he brings you back to the castle does everything fall into place. he explains everything, as you sit in bed, still recovering. a sudden attack, from within the castle, a kidnapping. some enemies of the king, a scandal to do with you and your blood. something, something, something. you’ve grown used to not understanding why you keep getting hurt. 

and you’re too distracted by the sullen face of the knight in front of you to pay attention.

suguru wasn’t there to stop it — wasn’t there to save you, be your knight in dashing armor. the king had invited him to a game of chess, and you had been adamant in your refusal to join them.

so you don’t understand why he’s apologizing.

he’s smiling, but it’s weak, as flimsy as a piece of paper. his lying smile, tight-lipped, betrayed by the redness of his eyes, the puffy skin beneath them. dark crescents. he sits by your bedside and looks a little like he wants to curl into a ball. 

”i’m sorry.”

and ah, you think; there it is. guilt. always, always clinging to him, a ghost haunting him wherever he goes. it’s been there since the beginning, in the scar reaching for his shoulder, the nature of his never-fading smile. guilt, guilt, guilt. you wonder if he's ever gone without it. you wonder if knights begin to crumble when they stop feeling ashamed. 

he looks sad.

with a breathless inhale, you part your lips. you want to tell him that he has nothing to apologize for, that you’re fine now — that you could never be mad at him. not really, never truly, never at him. you want to tell him that he’s your favorite person, not just your favorite knight, that he’s allowed to make mistakes without demanding that he suffer for them. 

you want to tell him that it’s okay, really. seriously.

but all that leaves your lips is a meek little sniffle. as the shock of it all finally settles, sinking deep into your bones, the fear of being captured, the dull ache of your skull meeting the ground. you can’t tell him any of the things you want to, and you feel so awful — 

because suguru’s face falls. like you just thrusted a knife into his sternum and twisted it. he looks like he could cry, too.

”i’m sorry,” his voice cracks, right down the middle. like a broken vase. ”i’m so sorry.” it’s not at all what you want to hear, but you can’t tell him that either. he’s bundling you up before you know it, dragging you into the comfort of his chest, one large palm on the back of your head; tugging you closer still. he smells of soap and oak wood and peach blossoms. ”it was scary, wasn’t it?”

and you nod. into his neck, wet tears brushing against his skin. not stable enough to act tough. you don’t think he is, either.

suguru exhales, shaky, clutching you like he could lose you if he lets go. lose himself. he knows you’re scared, but you let him soothe you. 

it means something, he thinks. it means something that you let him come so close, closer than anyone’s ever been. so he swallows the guilt until it’s no longer clogging up the back of his throat, if only so his voice can flow out through the gap, give you the comfort you need. just rubbing your back until you calm down, apologizing silently — over and over again. manic, like the tick-tock of a clock.

until your voice breaks him out of it.

”it’s not your fault.”

he stiffens. still holding you, feeling your heartbeat settle down, hearing your voice break out of your throat. it comes out as a weak croak, with just the slightest hint of disapproval.

he gulps.

”don’t worry about me, right now,” he hushes you. a silent plea. ”i’m not the one who’s injured.”

”suguru —” you sigh, almost a hiss. ”i hit my head. once. that’s all.” you wipe away the wetness of your cheeks, biting back a sniffle. ”… you’re acting like i’m fucking dying. cut it out.”

(for once, he’s relieved to hear that sharp edge of your voice. it means you’re feeling better.)

a weak inhale. ”… they kidnapped you. it must’ve been terrifying. please, just…” and a tired exhale. ”please just don’t strain yourself.”

”it wasn’t your fault.”

…

”your highne —”

”i’m serious.” you’re pulling away, suddenly, clasping onto his cheeks with your tearstained palms. squishing his face together. ”it wasn’t your fault. it was mine.”

he shakes his head, eager to protest, so you squish his cheeks with more force, and shake his head for him. like a misbehaving dog. ”nope. if you even think about apologizing, i’ll start crying again.”

he lets out a huff. frowning, sadly, a downcast pair of eyes.

”don’t pout. i’ll bite you.”

it’s slight, barely even there at all — but you think the corner of his mouth twitches upwards, just by a hair, exhaling through his nose with just the slightest hint of amusement.

he places his palm over yours. 

a moment passes, slow and steady, both of you catching your breaths. calming down, letting the fear of it all seep out of your aching bones. you hope the warmth of your skin against his soothes him as much as it soothes you. 

”… you know, your highness,” he murmurs, softly. meeting your puffy eyes with his tired pools of amber gold. ”there’s something i never told you.”

you blink. he continues.

”just the night before the king reached out to me… i had a dream.” he musters a weak, exhausted little smile. ”dreams… i don’t have them very often. and when i do, they’re nothing good. but this dream…” 

his eyes flutter shut. a curtain closing, a raven taking flight, the tick-tock of a heartbeat. you can’t look away. ”it stuck out to me.”

silence.

your voice comes out soft, like the bedsheets beneath you, the man before you. a tiny breath of a question. ”… what was it about?”

he smiles. smoothing a thumb over your knuckle, reverent, as if memorizing every ridge and dip.

”a fox.”

…

”it had…” his hand slips from the small of your back, reaching for your cheek, pinching it gently. ”a cheeky smile.”

your skin heats up, beneath his touch. and you blink, not saying a word, because there isn’t any need to. all the words you could ever want have already been painted out.

(well, maybe not quite all.)

”suguru.” you lean close, just a little, drinking him in. and he listens, as always, so you don’t bother beating around the bush. swallowing any embarrassment your tired mind can still feel. because your knight is right in front of you, eyes still red from crying, and you want him to be happy. “i think you’re my favorite person.”

he stills.

then he burns up. 

”wha — where did that come from?” he stammers, a strawberry hue to his ears, his neck, the tips of his fingers. enveloping him like a blanket of warmth.

you only shrug. ”you told me the truth. figured i should return the favour, for once.” a giddy, exhausted smile. “we’re both awful liars, huh?”

suguru opens his mouth. then he closes it, again, desperate to collect himself. you think he must be a little too exhausted to, and you wish you could say you felt bad. ”you… you can’t just —”

he squeezes his eyes shut. sighing. giving up, the gears of his mind grinding to a halt. your grin blooms wider.

”hehe.” you poke at his flushed cheek, and he cracks a single eye open. ”you’re blushing.”

he huffs, leaning away from your touch, and you find yourself enjoying the reversal of your usual roles. very much so. he tries to smile, tries to get one up on you, but he only blushes a deeper shade of red once your words reach his ears. 

so he settles for using cheap tricks.

”you’re hallucinating,” he scoffs, shoving your head into the fluffy pillows all around you. ever so gently, listening to your muffled giggles. trying to stifle his own joy. ”go back to sleep.”

”my blushy knight,” you coo, and he drags the blanket over your head. biting down on his lip to stop himself from joining your bubbly laughter, blushing more than ever. 

(the word knight sounds very pretty, when it’s falling from your lips.)

”i swear,” he exhales, heavy and exasperated, but you can hear the smile in his voice. ”just what am i to do with you?”

it’s fond. delicate, even in his bouts of teasing, the light instances of manhandling. and you’re happy, because he’s not apologizing anymore, and he’s happy because you aren’t crying anymore. give and take. there’s a rhythm to it, a point where everything else becomes background noise, whether it’s memories of a kidnapping or a decade-old guilt.

he stays with you all night, even after you’ve fallen asleep. just watching you, safeguarding you, checking your pulse every now and then. content to watch as your chest rises and falls, with the tender ticking of your heartbeat.

that night, you dream of a kind, kind wolf, and a painting yet to be finished. 

before you lies a field of stars.

you’re seated on a blanket, with a pretty knight to your left, up on top of a grassy hill. daffodils bloom around you, sweet nectar hanging in the air, a field of sunflowers waving at you from below. dragonflies greet you with a scratchy song. 

everything is perfect. a midnight rendezvous, a picnic under the stars — suguru’s own idea. to celebrate the time that you’ve spent together.

(well, that part was your idea. but you’re sure he appreciates it, too.)

the basket next to you is filled with fruit and berries, marmalade and jam, bottles of herbal tea. suguru’s delicious sandwiches. you bite into one of them, humming happily, and he’s quick to brush the occasional crumb from the corner of your lip, ghosting over your skin with a smile.

there’s another basket, too, just in front of you, that you brought on your own. hiding a secret; one you're just about to unveil. 

you clear your throat to get his attention.

like clockwork, he’s looking at you. listening, when  you tell him to close his eyes, only giving you a questioning raise of his brow and an amused exhale. 

you’re quick to lean forward, uncovering the basket, revealing the secret you’ve hidden so well. suguru is still waiting, indulgent, patient. you feel a little hesitant, but still part your lips.

“… okay. you can open them, now.”

he does. instantly, two ravens taking flight, and the sight that awaits them is that of a painting; a painting of a wolf, in the middle of the woods, empty armors and wilted sunflowers all around it. dragonflies and dragonflies, a knight just out of view.

he stares, silently, and you do your best to hide your growing nervosity. even as he takes it into his lap, and your gaze falls to the blanket below you. ”it’s… not my best work, but —” his eyes stay glued onto the painting, as you stumble blindly for the right words to say. wringing your hands together, clutching at the fabric of your sleeves. ”i’d… like you to have it. i mean, unless you —”

”thank you.”

you raise your head.

suguru is gazing at the canvas with the softest pair of eyes you’ve ever seen. melting amber, crinkled at the edges, accompanied by a sweet grin. 

”i’ll treasure it,” he vows, meeting your eyes, voice dripping with warmth. hand on his heart, and you can’t even poke fun at it. ”always.”

his earnest acceptance is enough to fluster you, enough to make you feel as it your heart is about to collapse, but he continues to look at the painting with enough awe to fill an empty lake with water, and it makes you terribly shy. 

until his smile drops.

”uh, actually — i…”

now it’s your turn to stare, silently, as he fumbles with something in the basket at his feet. gentle, as he takes out glass jars and wrapped sandwiches. out comes a sheet of paper. 

then he’s clearing his throat. handing it to you, pointedly avoiding your gaze. ”i’m not an artist, so you know. i just…” he coughs, a little out of his element. “well. here.”

with delicate hands, you accept it, bringing it down to your lap. big, curious eyes taking it in.

it’s a sketch — made with coal, a little smudged, but awfully charming. pretty, delicate.

it’s a sketch of a fox.

wide-eyed, all you can do is stare. gaze flitting up to meet his own, his nervous expression, before falling back to the little canine. ”you — this…” back and forth, over and over again. ”for — ?” 

you point to yourself. 

suguru only chuckles. ”yes, it’s for you. who else?” he taps the pads of his fingers against the handle of the basket, watching you silently admire the mischievous fox. not saying anything; so he continues.

”like i said; i’m not an artist. you can always throw it away, if you’d —”

”i’m gonna frame it.”

…

”i'm gonna frame it,” you repeat, eyes shining with sincerity. a little manic. ”i’ll hang it on the wall of the castle hallway so everyone can see it. it’ll be there for centuries to come, passed down —”

”please don't —”

”d’you think a gold frame would fuck up the vibe? maybe a modest silver is best.” you turn to face him, ignoring his blatant embarrassment. ”oooh, hang on! father knows this guy who makes them with real minerals. i’ll just —”

”your highness,” the knight cuts you off, almost with a squeak. ”please. it’s just a dumb drawing. i just… wanted to give it to you. that’s all.”

a pause. you look into his eyes, flickering with hesitance, an earnest desire for your approval only. so you hum, albeit a little hesitant.

”… alright. if you say so. i’ll hang it in my room, then.”

he sighs; relieved. ”that’s better. really, you —”

”thank you.” you whisper, blinking away the wetness at your lash-line. staring at the sketch with a dreamy, dreamy smile. ”i love it.”

you grin, happily, practically beaming. suguru wants to keep it there, always, on those pretty lips; he wants to lay his life on the line to protect it. but something tells him that would just make it fall. 

finally, everything clicks into place. the air fills with the scent of herbal tea, fresh strawberries, acrylic paint and hushed whispers. your own ritual, repeated over and over, like a loving waltz. 

as always, it’s suguru who breaks the silence. shatters it with the tip of his tongue. 

”hey,” he calls, softly. “my lord.”

mouth full of bread, you simply look at him. chewing silently, attention piqued. swallowing with a gulp. he places his folded hands on his lap, exhaling a little breath. ”… i’ve been thinking.”

”uh oh.”

silently, he gives you one of those flat, unimpressed looks of his, and you quiet down with a grin and another mouthful of bread. he quirks a brow, exhaling amusedly, then shakes his head and continues.

”i retract my earlier statement.”

when you glance up again, he’s smiling. showing more teeth than usual, a little wider, a little wolfish. a little more himself. you want to paint it, keep it hidden away somewhere only you can see.

”if it was someone else — anyone else…” he trails off, tasting the words on his tongue. “i doubt i’d feel this way. i doubt i’d want to protect them as fervently.” his voice flows out like a river of gold, just a little scratchy. it always is, when it sounds this sincere. 

he meets your eyes, and everything falls into place. 

”you’ve become precious to me,” he admits. ”i can't remember what it felt like to not be yours.”

his tongue curls around a familiar set of syllables, and your name seeps from his lips like a prayer, a vow, a trickle of honey and wine. devotion sticks to his tongue, to the vowels, a heavy fondness — something devout. something you've only ever heard from the mouths of priests.

and then he’s smiling. 

”i think i’ll be your knight until the day i die,” he breathes, and deep down you know it’s a vow. “even if the king discards me of that title.”

silence. except for an increasingly loud mantra of tick-tocks, from the depths of your own chest, echoing in your ears. your knight is in front of you, and he’s yours, and he’s smiling like he loves you. like he always will.

”… suguru.”

he hums, eyes lidded, blinking slowly. serenely. he lets you cling to him, pull him close, practically dragging him into your lap.

”stay with me,” you plead, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. too desperate to feel embarrassed. ”forever. promise me.”

an exhale, right by your ear. it sounds so fond you could cry. 

“i promise,” he whispers, fingers intertwining with your own. a perfect puzzle piece, a functional clockwork. lifting your hand, bringing his glossy lips to your knuckle; where they belong. ”until death tears me away from you.”

”it won’t,” you deadpan, partly to distract him from the growing heat of your fingertips. mostly because it’s true. ”you won't let it.”

he smiles against your knuckle, breathing out an airy laugh. ”clever little thing…” his free hand goes to rest on your spine, as always, and you lean back to see him properly. knowing he’ll catch you if you fall.

“.. but yeah," he sighs. "i won’t.”

before you know it, you’re leaning back in. because his eyes are the warmest shade of brown you’ve ever seen, and his hair is just a little tousled, and he looks so kissable it aches.

his jaw trembles, a little, when you press your lips against the curve of it. his whole body seems to still, for a moment, and you pull back just to see if he’s blushing. he is. 

but he must have anticipated your teasing, because he’s tucking you under his chin before you can see it through. pressing you close. and he tuts, a click of his silver tongue. ”… you little tease,” comes a whisper. ”how am i supposed to hold back now?”

”don’t hold back, dummy,” you grin, muffled against the column of his throat. you just barely resist the urge to sink your teeth into the skin. ”you’re a bad actor, anyway. the worst.”

and he is. he’s been looking at your lips this whole time — he couldn’t be more obvious if he tried.

suguru laughs, breathy, overflowing with fondness. chest rumbling with the noise, blending together with the rhythmic thumping of his clockwork heart. ”okay,” comes a soft lull of his tongue. ”i won’t, then.”

a drowsy feeling overtakes you, just as you feel his lips meet the crown of your head. it’s not much, but it’s a start. and it’s tender, tender enough to get you choked up, to get you to close your eyes to stop any tears from forming. because one person in this kingdom understands you, and he tells you that he’ll never leave. and you think you can actually find it in you to believe him. 

one person’s clockwork heart never breaks for you, and maybe that’s enough to convince you to stop trying to push it there.

”you can sleep, if you’d like,” is whispered against your hair. soft, soothing, his palm on your spine. ”i’ve got you. always.”

(one person in this world can make you feel safe, with just four little words. and isn’t that something?)

so you doze off, on the shoulder of your very own knight. your favorite knight, always and forever, a sword at his hip that was forged to protect you. or so he’ll tell you, years from now, when he’s got you in his lap, when there isn’t any need for him to act anymore.

and you dream a perfect dream. a dream of a wolf, and a fox, and a garden of stars.

[sug4r-sp1c3]

Countryhumans cuddle headcanons?? Idk who you do so you can choose but I have a soft spot for Russia, Germany, (soft with s/o)USSR and (once again soft with s/o)Third Reich(ik not many ppl do the last 2 so you can leave them out if you dont want to!)

/descends

THIS IS NO CUTE NGL

and my limit of characters is like 10? or more?

BUTMAN U CHOOSE MY 2 FAVORITE SHITS TO MAKE HC

...

💍?

Russia, Germany, USSR , Third reich Cuddling with his S/O (NON-POLY)

TW: fluff that break ur teeth

RUSSIA

probably you two just cuddle in the night 'cuz, well wOrK

but man, pat his back, give him a back rub, or just run your hands down his back and this man will NEVER let you go

he is the big spoon, no exceptions.

cuddling with you on his chest with a blanket in winter, you wearing his ushanka, while drinking hot chocolate and watching movies in Russian with subtitles?

BITCH THAT'S HEAVEN FOR THIS MAN.

He LOVES morning hugs, or short cuddling sessions before he leaves for his stupid job.

Probably after a while of being cuddle, he will fall asleep

but that only happens when u both are in the bed

sometimes he puts the heat on full blast so you guys can snuggle up on the couch with a warm blanket

never let him go, and he will never let you go (again)

BEAR HUG BEAR HUG BEAR HUG BEAR HUG BEAR HUG BEAR HUG BEAR HUG

Germany

again, FUCKING, work, so shortu cuddle sessions

BUT when he arrives home , he have a puppy face that says "Hg me i have a bad day"

and if you don't do that he will hug u to hard that breath will be hardest thing in history

"okay so i have a reunion with other countries, uhm a professional dinner, more work, work , work , work, oh! and a cuddling sessions!, k lets start"

doesn't like surprise hugs but after a seconds he will give u back the hug

but u almost give him a heart attack

not joking

LITTLE SPOON LITTLE SPOON LITTLE SPOON LITTLE SPOON

"DO YOU RRRRRRREEEEEEEEALLLLLLLLLY NEEED TO GO? I NEED TOOOO CUDDDLEEEEE"

Drama king when you need to go

USSR

more woooooooooooooork

but he loves cuddle sessions with u...

and his kids

he arrives home , and if he fins you just a quick kiss, and a bear hug

and then cuddle sessions before sleep

coffee and hugs in the morning yes yes

the hug start with you and him

and end with his like 4 kids , you and him

soft scary boy w big teeth

not too much to say :(

he is a simple old man

Third Reich

OH MAN OH BOY

U CAN'T BREATH WHEN HE HUGS U

but someimes is just a lazy hug

and thats a huge change from him

he just arrives home

hugs u for like uhm 20 minutes

and then let u go

just to come back and have a cuddling session

while he is talking about his shitty day at work

nothing special again

just a mean, tired, man

🐝🍒 Bee-Cherry /SUG4R-SP1C3/mod lol:

THE USSR AN THIRD REICH PARTS ARE SHORT 'CUZ ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WATCH COMICS OF THEM OR MEMES OR STUFF LIKE THAT SORRY

[cognitosclowns]

THE POST ABT THE GANGS LAUGHS KS IMMACULATE here's a couple other prompts. the gangs hugs, handshakes, or sleeping habits just bc I love your characterization!!!

HHHHHHHHHHHH THE TEMPTATION TO DO ALL OF THE ABOVE AND WRITE AN ESSAY IS,, SO FUCKING TEMPTING ANON YOU HAVE NO IDEAAAAA.

YOU'RE GETTIN HUGS <3333 EEE ALL SFW, JUST SOME CUTENESS.

Tw : brief weight mention!

THESE ARE GONNA BE GOODBYE HUGS. A BIT ROMANTIC I GUESS,,, DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND BUT RRR <33

REAGAN

WE SEE IN THE,,, BRETTFAST CLUB EPISODE THAT!! SHE'S OK WITH HUGS FOR PPL SHE'S VV CLOSE TOOOO!!

So if you're her close friend or s/o? YOU,,, MIGHT GET AN ACTUAL HUG? Not just a little Pat Pat? LIKE ARMS FULLY AROUND YOU? Quite Shocking Quite Surprising

She tends to wrap around and grab the shoulders!! It's One Firm Motion that slowly disconnects, like a hydraulic press?

'don't die, I'm too tired to plan a funeral' SHE CARES SHE CARES she really wants you to get home safe <333

SHE MIGHT MESS WITH THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS TO GIVE YOU AN EASY RIDE HOME <333 NOT HUG RELATED BUT,, VERY REAGAN.

BRETT

HE LIFTS YOUUUUU STRAIGHT UP. He makes a big 'H-yup!'

HE HUMS ALL THROUGH THE HUG <33 he smells So Strongly Of Axe Body Spray but,, its ok bc he's grinning like an idiot. So happy. Hugs rock.

He'll like,, bounce his knees?? Like going up and down?? MNSDMS ITS HARD TO DESCRIBE.

HE ALSO DEFINITELY LAUGHS. just a happy little giggle <3 he loves hugs, idk what you expected. Might nuzzle his nose into your shoulder!

HE MIGHT MAKE HIS 3: when you two gotta pull away. GIVE HIM ANOTHER HUG, HE'LL LIGHT RIGHT BACK UP

'one of us has gotta let go, or you'll never get home ! :)'

BIG WAVE WHEN YOU LEAVE!!

GIGI

OH,, just,, the happiest hugs. She hugs like she's got Pure Joy flowing through her. Saying goodbye is never a sad affair with Gigi Thompson!

SHE'LL PROBABLY MAKE SOME JOKE ABOUT YOUR HEIGHTS.

'If people keep getting taller im gonna need new legs.'

'if you wanna stick around i could just shove you in my purse <3'

JUST,, LITTLE THINGS <3. SHE LIKES SEEING YOU SMILE.

ARMS RIGHT AROUND THE WAIST <3 synched in like a belt!

SHE DOES THAT THING WHERE, SHE SHIFTS FROM ONE FOOT TO THE OTHER!!

SHE DOES LA BISE <3 she picked it up from living in France for a few years for a Big PR Campaign she working on, and it stuck!! A kiss on the cheek before you're off <3

ANDRE

SURPRISE ATTACK! YOU'VE BEEN TACKLED! NO ESCAPE!!

he'll tackle you onto the nearest couch and just lay there with you

'sorry i can't let go ://// tragic guess you've gotta take me home with you now <3'

SNBDSNDB HE'LL LET GO EVENTUALLY. until then it's a buncha jokes

'Nice weather huh?' while his face is Accidentally Buried In Your Chest, etc. HE ONLY LETS GO WHEN HE MAKES YOU SMILE <33

If He's Not Out For Blood lmao, HE THROWS HIS ARMS AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS. he's pretty lanky so it gives him a leg up for Yanking ppl in!!! Big, tight Squeeze before letting go.

MYC

'GOTCHA!' TENTACLES ALL TENTACLES WRAPPED AROUND YOU. Feels like you're being JUICED with how tight his hugs are.

he might do some,, like,, tricks? Like turn you upside down or smth and be like 'watch outttt,, might drop you ;) its okay if you hit your head you don't have a lotta brain cells left to lose'

(DW,, he'd never drop you. His tentacles are surprisingly strong, he's just a dick <3)

'ok ok ok ok..' while he brushes you off after, fixes your hair a bit. Might make some comment about how you shouldn't take a specific road bc it's gonna be clogged, etc, etc.

He Does Care, Hes Just A Brat.

'hate to see ya leave, but i love to see ya walk away' IS SUCH A LINE HE'D SAY. I HATE IT. HE'D ABSOLUTELY SAY SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. <3 INSUFFERABLE.

GLENN

BEAR HUG BEAR HUG BEAR HUG.

God,,, you could just melt. The warmest, softest thing in the WORLD. He might even pick you up and swing you around, if he's feeling particularly fuzzy <3

YOU DON'T WANNA LET GO EVER EVER EVER. SOFT SOFT SOFT WARM WARM WARM.

THIS,, REALLY LOVING, HUMMING LAUGH?? it cracks him up that most ppl are tinier than him?? Look up and it's all teeth <3

HAIR RUFFLES NO MATTER WHAT <3

doesn't matter your weight, he's gonna mention you need to put some meat on those bones!! It was too easy to pick you up!!

'Be safe soldier' grgkrkg <3 lots of shit like that. Just,, half-teasing army slang n stuff?? YEA THAT'S HIS JAM <3 Maybe a little,, Two Finger Salute and a wink when you exit out the door.

ALPHA-BETA

He,,, might not be that good at hugs-

HE DOESN'T DO THEM OFTEN OKAY? When he says goodbye he much prefers,, A Dainty Kiss on the Cheek, A Handshake. hugs are not his first instinct smdnsd.

When he first wraps his arms around you,, it's kinda tense?? He doesn't Squeeze first - he wants to see how hard YOU squeeze, and work around that.

It's still gonna be a Little Too Strong, sorry. Kinda knocks the wind outta you.

HE,,, is actually soft and warm?? You definitely wouldn't expect it bc he's 99% metal but above that metal is SILICONE. HE'S ALSO A COMPUTER SO,, he has the same Dull Warmth of pressing your hand to the side of a computer.

Fussing With Your Clothes When you Two Pull Away IS A Love Language. He'll passively adjust your shirt n sleeves with,, the Barest Of Smirks.

JR

feels like,, hugging a bushel of twigs. He's extremely lanky smnds. Very little softness except a bit at his stomach

he just,, automatically Sighs happily <3 even if you two are saying goodbye, it's so nice to get a hug once in a while.

he either rests his head on your shoulder, or head. Either way you're getting some nuzzles.

It's like all the energy in his body Drains when he gets hugged. his brain is usually moving a mile a minute, and hugs kinda reset that? Doesn't matter how he was before, The Hug sends him down to Baseline. His shoulders slowwwllllly droop, His muscle lax, <3

'got everything? Keys, wallet, phone - I could spot you a cab...' THIS IS HIS WAY OF SHOWING HE CARES <333

Even after you two pull away, you're getting some Tight Arm Rubs while he takes you in <3 He'll always tell you too Be Safe <3

[theyarebothgunshot]

this is exactly how it went down in my head.

misha: hey, everything okay? do you need me to do something?

jensen: no, lay low. we’re figuring it out.

misha: got it.

— the next day —

misha: things settled. should i say anything? draw attention? stay neutral?

jensen: you don’t have to, but if you want, tread lightly. we’ve had enough chaos.

misha: say no more.

when nobody got your back you KNOW dmitri got your back.

ANYWAYS i turned my back for TWO MINUTES and y'all went the fuck off in my inbox so, you know the drill: more under the cut

NO BUT JENSEN’S RESPONSE LMAAAAAO honestly fallout theory is so on oh my God I can’t stop-

on god they are so loud like-

Worst damage control i've ever seen. god bles.

so true bestie

I think Jensen probably just wants to be done with this petty little drama, so if he has to pretend everything between them is okay he is going to be the bigger man and lay it to rest. Whatever is going on between them he definitely doesn't want to sort that out on social media and the earlier he pretends everything is sorted out the earlier people will forget about it again.

Also it's kinda funny how J*red Tweet was like implying they had a misunderstanding but still talk to each other regularly, while Jensen went full on the we grow apart a little bit, because we were busy, let's catch back up. Makes me wonder if they actually talked or if there managers just said hey that's not good pr, let's put that to rest. Also did J*red know before yesterday that they had a falling out or did he just not realize.

- 🐌 anon

literally jensen went out of his way to say 'uhhh we never talk, worstie' god if pr management is involved then they did a bad job. also j*red still does not realise they have fallen out. jshfjdsfh

Jackles was like God bless but we ain’t talking like this worstie

good for her.gif

csdsc heeft gevraagd:

All I need now is for Misha to tweet “ is it safe to come out now?” And I’ll be complete lmfao 😂😂😂

that would have been better than what we got lmfao

I have one fear and it's Jensen being forced to add j*red to his show and his other projects because he couldn't stop whining like a baby,,, ugh i hate him

i pretend i do not see

Kinda selfish of me tbh but i don't want them to be "friends" again, Jensen sweetie run as fast as you can

co-signed

Ok Jensen's answer to Jared tweet made me feel so bad for him. Like, I can see it's damage control and public relations (obviously) but there's stuff behind it. I can't name it, but idk, I felt terrible for texas man this time, I don't think that reply was written with a "love and light energy" or even without much care. I felt some heavy vibes.

- 🌻, who is now a fortune teller and a prophet apparently

yeah i feel hella bad for him to, for having to deal with this shit. nonnie please if you ever have anything to predict, lemme know sjdfhs

You know Jensen's tweet has the energy of like kindergarten wenn an other kid started a fight with you and the kindergarten teacher wants you to forgive each other and hung it out and you really don't want to, but your kindergarten teacher is being annoying and he isn't worth the annoyance either.

- 🐌 anon

you are not wrong

Incredibly thankful that I have the day off from work 😂 I'm with hatching chick anon, the 3 dots read as passive aggressive/insincere to me, and I love it! I haven't spent this many hours on tumblr since I first discovered cockles! (On a side note, the lack of fimmf posts today has me feeling like it's not friday lol) -🐢

i, too, miss fimmf but alas things happen, they do they do they do

I was right. :(

It got almost romantic...

👀

nonnie you know i love you but this is really not the case, like, at all??? idk how you could look at those tweets and think it was almost romantic. it was THEE most scripted, pr bullshit ever. it was staged and fake. idk what else to tell ya

Danneel liked Jensen's tweet

i saw

That is so so awkward I feel so sorry for all of us being exposed to this and so happy I chose to leave the Internet for half a day - tea anon

god bless your stance on that cause i would have hated missing out on this lmao

You know what? I think it’s okay being a 38 year old moron if you’re bringing us this type of content

im happy with the food but still think its not okay tbh

pspspsps Misha this is the perfect day for you to drop the gay Cas essay pspspspsp it is still pride month pspspsps

you know you want to king pspsps

So that JIB6 link (I think it was from your post, right?). I went and watched that bit, and a little more.

Jensen makes a comment about Jared being first on the call sheet because Sam was supposed to be the main focal character.

And that him nor Misha cared about what number they were, so in all that time it never changed.

And I’ll be… if that just doesn’t perfectly sum them up and their feelings on things. And how a certain someone can be petty… 🦚

idk if it was from my post? but maybe? my analysis probably? but yeah things are making more and more sense huh

Ohh that's also an alien? Welcome to the extraterrestial family then, purple alien anon!

Also it's probably because I'm coming off the high this drama gave me but I'm not looking forward to them trying so hard to convince us everything is normal between them. Even though we now Know, they will have to keep pretending. Today (yesterday?) was a shitshow but some masks fell off, at least for a moment and I kinda wish Jensen was less professional 😂

👽

oh for real, fallout theory IS confirmed and nothing they said today will change my mind, it only made me believe in it even more lmfao and with that in mind i am just gonna sip my tea if they try to be buddy buddy on main again

I THINK MISHA UNRETWEETED BUT HE TWEETED "LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH" I'M LOSING MY DIGNITY HERE - tea anon

yeah he now answered them sjdfhsjfhsf instead of rt

MISHA COLLINS IS A KING I STAN THE RIGHT MAN

YOU SURE DO

I just know Misha’s process was oh crap I have to let people know I’m supporting them and I can’t choose sides. Ok. Retweet. NO. Delete. I love both of you. Yes, good.

sjdfsdfh this makes me think of that post that dissected jackles' birthday post for misha where he used the heart. 'call him bro, that makes it less obvious. nailed it.'

Lol I'm off for a few days and come back to total chaos... God I missed it here

Like the "et tu... #bravo" tweet? Made my day! Frikking hilarious (every time I see it I picture J*red with a pissy frech accent saying it out loud lol) it's just such an incredibly petty hissy fit he threw (I know he tweeted more later on but... Really all that stuff coming afterwards just sounds like damage control)

Missed you Rose

-🐻

LOVE the french accent detail im gonna do this too sdjfhsjfh missed you toooo!!!!

Oh man Misha is really gonna get hate for that I KNOW IT

sigh well. nothing he isnt used to by now, unfortunately

i mean i believe they feel like brothers, but constantly falling back on the “brother” thing to keep up appearances is really starting to feel like “#spnfamily” at this point.

honestly brothers can be very annoying, or so i have heard, so it fits with the fallout theory lmao

They actually said if we’re gonna make this gay we cannot have Jar*d Pad*lecki involved

oh my God this is the funniest timeline to ever exist God bless I’m just waiting to canon bi Mary

king shit tbh

[astheroid]

Ka-Kacchan 😫💦 (Bakugouwu x reader SMUT 🤯)

Author-chan here!!!!!! I decided to write for my bb Kacchan bc hes just such a cutie >.< hehe anyways ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walked into the hero association with my long Blonde hair flowing in the wind. “SARAH!!” Deku called, walking over to me. “Baka-Deku, what do you wabt?” I asked, making a cute face. “I heard Kacchan wants youuuuu” he said raising his green puffy eyebrows. “Ka-Kacchan?? Why.. why would he ever want me?” I asked, batting my bright blue eyes in his directuon. “I do not know Sara-chan” he answered, blushing bright red. “I think… he might have a crush on you” I GASPED!! (author’s note: UwU OMGGG IT’S GETTING ~SPICYYYY~) I smiled sweetly at deku before hopping over to Bakugou, flipping my hair over m shoulder. “Ohio K-Kacchan, what do you want?” I said, trying to be tough. He glared at me pomeranian hair sticking up as I touched him. “NOTHING YOU BITCH!!” He yelled, shoving me. I started crying. “BAKA-KUGOU WHY DID YOU DO THAT????” I yelled. He lookd at me. “Idk you’re just ugly.” He said and walked away. I touched my frail wrist and realized it was broken. I went to the doctor’s and got it fixed, mad at Kacchan te whole way. I saw Kacchan after work and went to be mad at him. “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?????” I screamed activating my Ice Quirk. “You’RE JUST AN UGLY STUPID EXTRA!!” Ye glared at me, hands booming. “IF I’M SO UGLU WHY DO YOU LIKE MEEEE?????/?” I yelled in his face. He gasped and tears fell from his eyes. “BAKAaAaAaAAAA HOW DO U KNOW THAT?” He said. “I know because your always mean to me :(“ I pouted. He said “t-th-that’s not t-true BAKA-SARAAH.” I grinned menacingly with my fangs. “Of course it’s true Ba-kacchan” “Don’t call me that” he said, blushing. “Ba-kacchan” I said again, my own cheeks getting red against my pale skin. He grabbed my arm “let’s go to my house and see if you wan’t to call me that again Baka-Sarah-chan”. (author’s note: OMGGGGGGG SMUT COMING SOON!!! TANK U FOR READING THIS FAR!!! Should I make a Deku-chan one next? He’s my lil beann and I wanna write 4 him :3)

UwU SMUTTTTTTTTTT BWLOE THE CUT!!!! Skip if you want but its my favorit part ;3

We arrived at his house and no-one was home, it was just me and Kacchan (author’s note: SPICYYYYYY whatr you gonna do bakacchan O///O). He threw me on his bed and took off his shirt (author’s note: MMM HIS STOMACH I’M DROOLING ;w;). He pushed me down and went to the bathroom, when he came out he had no pants too!! I was surprised by his cream stick poking through his underwear. “Take off ur clothes baka” he huffed face very red. I pouted. “Make me Ba-Kacchan”. He growled ferally nd ripped mt clothes off my body. I gasped, pale Skin getting goosebumps. “There I made you” he said rolling his eyes. I blushed very hard. “Now let me show u what happens when you call me Ba-kacchan >:(“ (autho’rs note: *w* OMGOMGOMGOMG IT’S HAPPENING GUYSSS!! YOUR AUTHOR-CHAN IS SOOOO EXCITED!!!). He took off his Dog undies and I saw… A HUGE DING-DONG!!! He put it inside me and moved quickly. I moaned “OoOoOoOoOoOoOoHhHhHhHHHH Ka-Kacchan… go faster!!” He went faster, grumbling my name. After a bit he took his member out and Spat on me. “That’s why u don’t call me Ba-Kacchan Bitch”. I layed on his bed amd panted; legs too weak to stand up. He put his pants over his meat scepter and grinned at me. “I hope you learned your lesson Baka-Sarah”.

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Smut done :(((( Stay to read the rest tho!!!

I stayed in his house for 30 minutes before leaveing. “B-bye k-k-Kacchan” I stuttered. My legs were still wobbly. I went home and jumped on my bed dreaming of Kacchan railing me again ;). When I woke up I felt really sick and threw up in the bathroom. ‘Oh no……’ I thought. WAS I PREGANTE????? (author’s note: OOHHHHHHHHHHH DRAAAMAAAAA!!! Hehe it gets so exciting) I rushed to the store to buy a test, completely forgetting about my job as a Hero. I gasped at the test. ‘I’m… Perngant??’ I touched my belly. ‘I have Ba-kacchan’s baby in here…” ‘I have to call him’. I called and talked to him on the phone. “K-Kacchan” I stuttered “I got pragnent!” He gasped. “F*ck. Are u gonna keep it?” I gasped. “OF COURSE!!!!! I CAN”T KILL OUR BABY!!!!!!!!!” (author’s note: OMGEEEE THEY’RE FIGHTING 🥺🥺🥺) Kacchan sobbed. “I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR A KID!!” “YOU DON’T NEED TO, I CAN!!!! I DOUN’T NEED YOU ANYWAYS!!!!” I screamed, crying too. He left the call and I cried harder. Idk what to do with a BABY. He came to my house. He crossed his arms madly. “We need to kill the baby.” “NO I CAN’T DO THAT!!” I screamed (author’s note: OoOoOoOoOh THEY’RE GOING THRU IT!!!!!). “Why not????????” He pouted. His hands sparked. “THAT’S MURDER BA-KACCHAN!!!” My long Silky hair whipped around as I yelled up at him. He tried to hit my stomach, but I dodged and Froze him in placee. “DON’T HIT ME BAKA-KUGOU!!!!!!!!” I screamed. “STOP TYRING TO MURDER O U R CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He huffed. “I DON’T WANT A STUPID KID WITH A WHORE LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!” I gasped loudly. “I’M NOT A WHORE YOU’RE JUST A JERK!!!!!” He burst out of the ice and kissed me. “I don’t want a crusty crotch goblin to ruin our relationship” “He won’t I promise” I said blushing Red and patting my tummy. He sighed loudly. “Ok fine we can keep the cum droplet I just don’t wanna pay” I smiled “OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “So……. will you marry me?” I gasped suuuper loud “OF COURSE BAKUGOU!!!!! I LOVE U!!!”

TIMESKIP!!!!!!!! UwU I loveeee this story so far; hope u guys like it too ;3

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We ended up having 8 babys. I’m the #1 hero (author’s note: Deku is too baby to be a hero 🥺 I think Strong reader-chan is better for that >:3) and Kacchan is my sidekick. Our kids have the strongst quirks in the world!!!1!!! Ray Andy Mei Akira Bobby David & Deku Jr have explosion-Ice quirks, but Maya (author’s note: Maya is my faaavoriteeee UvU) has A SUPER POWERFUL ICE QUIRK (just like her mama)!!!!!! We lived a very happy nice life after that and had a ton of money!!

BONUS SMUT!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehe I wanted to do a lil extra ~spicy~ something as a reward for reading this far >wO

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Kacchan plugged me up with his thicc Pleasure Pump. I whined “KA-KACCHAN YOU’RE TOO BIG~” He didn’t listen and kept going pounding me into the wall. There was a collar around my neck (author’s note: K!NKYYYYYY~~~~~) and my Face was mushd into the wall. He kept going for quite some time until he hit something in me. I scREAMED “OOOOHHHHHH KACCHAN THAT’S ITtTtTTTTttttTTTT~~~” he grunted and pushed harder. His manhood felt so GOOOOOOD. (author’s note: I kinda want Bakugouwu to @#!% me if u know what i mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) He did it until he Cummed; taking it out so we wouldn’t have more babys.

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HEHEHEHEHEHHEHHEEEE THAT WAS SO HOT *w*. ANYWAYSSS HERE’S AN AUTHOR-CHAN QnA!!!!!!!

Favorite food: BAKUGOU UwU

Favorite character: BBY DEKU!!!! He’s MINE get away Broke Uraraka >:((((

Favorite color: Anything but pink :/ soooo cringy

Favorite Anime: MY HERO OBV!!!

Ships: Me x my hero boysss 🤤 the girls are all dumb and gay is sin :^/

Next chapter????:

NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deku stared at us jelously. “I-I don’t understand… I…. I really like you Sarah-Chan!!! Why did u have to choose Kacchan 🥺” I looked at him sadly. “He got me pregnent Deku-chan I had toooo” He looked at Bakugou mad. “You took my crush away from me Kacchan…….” Kacchan yelled at him “SHE’S MINE SO BACK OFF BAKA-DEKUUUUU!!!!!!!!” Deku started cryeing and looked at me for help “She was supposed to be MY wife Mean Kacchan :(“ Bakugou laughed. “NO CHANCE LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The next chapter will be coming out sooooon :D I hope you guys liked!!!!! It’s gonna be so good and even a little smutty *o* n e wAys, catch all you lil reader-chan beans l8ter!!!

Last updated: April 1, 2016

[This is 100% a joke and not a real representation of my writing skills. Happy April Fools ;D]

[crimsonandcloverwrites]

bhah ch5 reread time for emotions

idk why eddie half-asleep mumbling about pancakes is so funny to me but like... relatable king

we love the contrasting feelings of Dani and Eddie vs Jamie’s house

lmao poor mikey. let the boy shred on his air guitar in peace

god this is all so domestic I want what they have (owen’s pastries and Jamie in a bandana)

a great, good place huh???? idk why clever canon line inclusion sometimes makes me go a little bit mad but here we are

Dani wanting to leave her mark on this place vs... whatever the fuck is going on in her own home the signs are all there babe

Jamie seeing the problem of Dani not having a desk to work at and immediately wanting to fix it vs Eddie just being Eddie hmmmmm

Carson and Mikey being buddies is actually something that can be so personal

dang Jamie and her quiet temper are so intimidating

problem solver Dani is here we love her. god they’re such a good match

skjfhdfkjfh so much talk about loins ladies get a room already

"Sometimes I just like making other people happy, is all." Dani you are toooo sweet (even if this gets you into trouble sometimes)

oh my godddd Jamie sending Dani flowers I can’t handle this. DANI WANTING TO KEEP IT A SECRET TOO LIKE WANTING TO KEEP THEIR TIME AS JUST FOR THEM I’M GOING INSANE

oh she is having Thoughts about their thighs pressing together and their fingertips grazing. this is so gay. gayer than whatever is gonna happen when they finally bone (I will happily retract this statement if proven wrong 👀👀👀). nothing tops this on the homosexual heirarcy of intimacy

mikey trotting towards school w the lil packed lunch jamie just threw him is so adorable I love the visuals of this fic

I am headcanoning Dani’s Aunt Liz who moved out east to be gay and no one will convince me otherwise (also bring her back Dani needs a cool gay aunt in her life)

Dani being presented with an opportunity to not hang out with Eddie’s familly: I will be there also I can be there 7 hours early also I will bring snacks

Charlotte? Charlotte Wingrave?? Is she on maternity leave to have Miles???

“"Yeah," she lied.” is one of my fave sentences ever idk why I just... the agreement and the deceit of it all (not necessarily specific to this moment tho it is a good one. I just love them in general)

ooft Dani feels so close to breaking here r.e. Eddie and their relationship and I cannot help but wonder if she’s been like this for a while or if the Jamie of it all is really accelerating things

aww Dani’s birthday we love to celebrate she

Dani looking for Jamie I always always imagine as a grounding thing even if she’s not aware of it. Jamie truly is her person and I will be going insane about it ty

Jamie’s wardrobe is truly top tier she is so dreamy

gah the um. heights of everyone on the wall... the familyness of it all. the history. time to look away before I explode

“It’s just the way it’s always been.” ooooohhhh these lines in sort of inconesquential moments that capture the essence of everything!!!!! genius

i fucking hate how hot I find Jamie smoking akjdfhdjfh why can I see it so clearly in my head and why am I like Dani Clayton levels of attracted to her about it

oof Dani truly hates her n Eddie’s house (a house is not a home.glee.mp3 etc). I’m also just realising with a return to the wall heights thing that Jamie was probably thinking back to simpler times and what this house represented as a home to her (both as a welcoming place to be/an ideal kind of home but something she will never really have/be a part of) my heart hurts

What is Dani wishing for as she blows out the candles does she even know what she wants???

Jamie insisting she gets to sit beside Dani is so adorable

the casual domesticity of Dani and Jamie together has me making the stupidest most endeared faces at my screen I love it

the camping trip mention kjfdghdfkj I will never forget Dani gay panicking the whole time I love this lead up

god why am I thinking so hard about the different paths Dani and Jamie went down r.e. their sexualitites rn like Dani being all scared of Jamie mixing w her work life and people realising that there’s something there is just... she’s so fuckign afraid of being herself and then u have Jamie who has lived her life as authentically as she can in that sense and the contrast of it all is so damn interesting (and breaks my heart a bunch)

is this the scarf Dani gave her for christmas does she still have it oh my god

“"And here I thought you were a fan of delayed gratification," Jamie said, chuckling softly.” please tell me this is a surprise tool that will help us later

wait i take it back about the gayest thing ever. I think this blindfolded w Jamie gently guiding her w a hand on her back while she says gentle reassurances like “I got you” is possibly the gayest they’ve ever been. OH she’s guiding her to the desk she refurbished with her own two gay hands this is peak lesbianism. i’m gonna make a heirarcy of needs pyramid based on this fic one day just u wait

ok but this is really soft as hell god I love the thoughtfulness of Jamie. get u a best friend that will fulfill ur every need and feels like home and then kiss her a bunch

“I feel like I'm standing in the middle of the room, screaming, and nobody even looks at me. Nobody can see me." this nell crain ref pls I cant

i think it’s really like... sweet in a way that both of them are sort of dancing around this like there are so many feelings there and they’re just sort of clinging to each other and the familiarity of their bond without pushing it into anything more even incidentally. i think it’s v much a testament to the writing that their relationship and what it is/what it could become isn’t overwhelming to either of them in moments like this. it all just feels very authentic and I love this fic so dang much for it

the library trip ok are we ready 4 the gay meltdown of the century

god them lowkey playfighting on the bus pls this is just like the perfect mix of teacher Dani trying to be professional meets teenage Dani and Jamie cuteness aaah

lmao is Jamie having a small gay meltdown over Hannah Grose that is perfection

fvkdjfgkjfh Hannah and Jamie discussing Dani’s pretty eyes I love this so much please I need more of this and Dani getting flustered about it

god the Jamie and Jackie history I need to know this backstory so bad

plsss Jamie putting Dani’s hand in her jacket pocket to keep it warm could you two be any more digustingly cuuuuute.

jesus fuck the tension of them almost making out in the back rowww. Jamie having a meltdown. Dani falling impossibly harder in love

i can’t believe this moment was it for Dani. lesbianism is stored in the library

oof the parallels between this and the school dance bathroom meltdown Jamie gone vs Jamie HERE in ways she can barely even comprehend. everything is NOT OK

“She couldn’t want this. She couldn’t want Jamie.” Ms Dani your delusions

yeehaw I’m officially halfway through my reread may the next 5 chapters align with the universe and see me through until ch11 is here amen

[blackberry-gingham]

Ah I love your writing!😌 Idk if you’d include beatle girls in the prompts but reader being friends with Cynthia or Maureen and they take reader to the cavern club for the first time. Cyn/Mo set reader up on a blind date with one of the other teddy beatles (either Geo or Paul) so they can double date with them and their Beatle. Reader’s nervous that their date will think their too square or boring but they actually end up really hitting it off!

Lol, this is a good one! Honestly I'm a little new to the fandom still, so I don't know toooo much about all the Beatle girls, but I do know Cynthia! So yeah, in that case, I think it'd make sense that John's girl would want to set you up with Paul lol.

Anyway, I'm going to do an Imagine for this one, hope that's ok! It's new years themed, in honor of today!! Enjoy ❤️

---

Today is an important day

Well, important to you that is

See, you've been single for longer then you'd like to admit, and your friend Cynthia has had enough!

She's decided your new year's resolution for you, and that is to finally land a boyfriend!

Cynthia's been seeing her teddy boy John for a while now, and they've really hit it off!

This is something of a surprise to you, given all that you've heard of teds and their reputation

Even crazier is that the guy she wants to set you up with is a teddy boy too!

Buuuut... You trust Cyn and her judgment, plus you're tired of being single already! So you take the chance

She says the guy's name is Paul

He plays the bass and is John's best friend!

That's about all you know, so you're anxious to meet him

The place you're meeting is called the cavern club, where John and the boys should be finishing up a gig

You and Cynthia arrive in time to catch the last of their set

She gets a table for four and orders some drinks

Once you're set up and seated, all that's left is to enjoy the show

John swaggers up to the mic and spots Cynthia in the crowd, he winks and dedicates the next song to her

She rolls her eyes, but laughs and claps politely

Next she points out Paul to you up on stage

You follow her finger and... Oh

There, receiving likewise information from John, stands a very handsome young man

John nods in your direction and when Paul sees you, his eyes light up

In that moment he decides he has to impress you

Just by watching, you can see how much charisma and charm he wields

As his little performance for you goes on, you find yourself feeling very... Subpar

He's just so cool

And you're just so you

"Something wrong? Are you feeling alright?", Cynthia asks, concern written all across her face

You take a breath to steady yourself and assure her you're fine

Luckily the song is at an end by now and the torture is over

John thanks the crowd and the boys pack up their gear

A good ten minutes or so pass, until finally John and Paul arrive at your table

Cynthia and John kiss and say their hellos before introducing you to Paul and vice versa

Paul strides up to you all smiles, and takes your hand

He kisses your knuckles, "A pleasure"

Your heart skips a beat, and now you're really intimidated

Paul pulls out your chair for you, then pushes you in before taking a seat beside you

John and Cynthia open the floor to some group conversation to try and get everyone comfortable

You do your best to participate, but can't help but feel quiet and shy

Cynthia shoots you a sympathetic look, and prays that you'll come out of your shell

John and Cyn pair off into their own conversation and let you and Paul get to know one another

Paul starts off the conversation as his chatty self, asking after all kinds of things in the hopes of snagging your attention

You try your best, you really do, but it just seems so hard open up

How can one man be so overwhelmingly charming??

However, Paul remains polite to the very end and as a last resort tries to turn the conversation over to you

"So... Do you like music?"

"Oh, haha yeah... Do you know Buddy Holly and the crickets? Or maybe, Chuck Berry?

Paul's jolts with excitement, "Do I! Why those are some of our biggest influences, aren't they John"

"They are so!"

Paul turns his attention back to you, even more excited to see your change in posture

You do so love music, and this whole concept of rock n roll fascinates you!

"Say, have you heard Elvis? He's practically John's idol!"

Of course you have!

The two of you go on and on for the rest of the dinner date, talking excitedly about all the latest musical gossip

It even opens up the gate for Paul to talk about his bass skills and the music he and John have been working on

And all of a sudden, this Paul McCartney and his coolness don't seem so scary

Now that he's had the chance to see the real you in all your kindness and passion, Paul swears you've already stolen his heart

John and Cynthia leave a bit early and say their goodbyes while you and Paul stay behind

Cynthia smiles knowingly at your as she takes John's arm

She's so happy for you

Her eyes tell you to fill her in on the details later and you smile back to seal the promise

You and Paul stay a while longer until you get bored of sitting

He picks up the tab and offers to take you backstage and show you his bass

Eagerly you agree

"Well then what are we waiting for!"

He grabs your hand and half leads, half drags you after him

Once he's secured his instrument, you spend a bit of time talking about it's make and model before he offers to take your song requests

The two of you get lost in the music, going back and forth discussing and playing your favorite compositions

Not to mention, Paul has a wonderful singing voice too!

"You think so?"

He smiles at you with stars in his eyes as you nod in affirmation

His look changes to a smirk, and you wonder what he has planned

"Well then you'll have to tell me how you like this one. I call it, Love Me Do..."

[sunlit-cashmere]

i’m in 11th and am planning to study physics in college because i really like physics. but i can’t shake the thought that i won’t be able to do it cause i’m already finding it so hard to prepare for jee. is loving physics enough to get me through college? should i go for it or should i think about it more? are te study topics even mildly similar to what they teach in 11th and 12th?

also do you think it’s easier to get placement for engineering fields or for applied physics in india? and are physicists in demand? or will i have job problems because of not going for engineering?

also i’m an intp too and good luck with your studies!

Hi!

Those are very tough questions 😅. Okay first of all, I was a shitty student too, I got 75% in my boards, obv didn’t get DU (I didn’t give JEE because I knew I didn’t want to do engineering at all). I struggled in the first year of my college too but eventually I figured out how to study physics. But I chose to study because I loved it and I’d known for a while that’s what I wanna do so I just went for it, granted I’m not the most remarkable physicist I still struggle with a lot of concepts but I am working on them and I know I’m on my way to becoming better, jobs, idk what’s gonna happen and I’m choosing to focus on how good a physicsist I am at the moment instead of worrying about what I’ll do because if I can be better at my subject and improve constantly, that has to account for something on the job front.

There is a good chance that you’re struggling because you don’t know how to study this subject. I have mentioned time and again on these types of asks that knowing what your formula really means and how to apply it is the most important step of understanding physics.

You’re in 11th grade, you have time to really know your subject. Do your derivations, don’t mug them up, know why you used a particular formula to get to another step. Like when you need to take out the electric field on a point due to a ring, that forms you basics on how to solve for other types of shapes, you know what I mean? Basically every topic has a way to approach problems, you can’t just write down the formula and be like now what (which is what I used to do). You need to know HOW to approach the problems which mostly comes from derivations like electric field due to a ring or how to calculate the moment of interia. Once you know the concept of how to solve that, you can calculate for any object and then when you can do that, you can take out the angular momentum of any object from any arbitrary reference point. Notice how you went from MI of a sphere to how to calculate the angular momentum of a rolling sphere in reference to a point on the ground (let’s say). So those derivations that you do in class builds up basis for more complex problems.

Since you’re in 11th, solve HC Verma, it is the best best book at your level to really clear up your basics, those little gaps in your knowledge that you didn’t even know you had. Every question you’re not able to solve, see how it’s done and know WHY it’s done that way, like, to find out the potential energy of a body under free fall, we all know the formula, mgh but if the height from which a body is falling is comparable to the radius of the earth, you can’t use mgh. So, question why you got your approach wrong.

As far as taking engg or applied physics is concerned, I’ve seen a lot of btech kids who took btech because they didn’t know what else to do or their parents told them to, a lot of them aren’t really interested in their subjects and if you’re not into what you’re doing it’s incredibly hard to be good at it. Engg has a lot of jobs but it also has a lot of people, Physics unfortunately does not have a lot jobs and you have to be the best of the best in India to be working in the govt. sector. India hardly has any applied physics courses, DU has electronics which is the closest to applied here. The field that is in demand right now is nanotechnology, so you can go for that if you’re interested through either a btech or physics honours.

Although btech opens more options because sadly here it’s considered better than an honours. After your degree, almost everything in India is based on entrance exams so if you take up something that you don’t end up liking you can switch easily. Btech degree is eligible for basically every exam, like you can do a btech and go for MSc but I THINK you can’t do a bsc and then do MTech (check out the criteria for GATE).

I would say, go for something you like even if you think you’re bad at it BUT only if you’re willing to work hard. If you’re bad at something you like, you have to work harder than the rest of them to be good at it, btech and bsc are equally tough, btech is just more hands on.

And yes. The first year of college, they try to bridge the gap between school and college so they will teach similar stuff, physics is all the same right? It’s just gonna be a few steps higher from what you’re doing rn. Keep studying for JEE don’t beat yourself up because it IS very hard. After boards, you can decide what you want to do, if you’re staying in India, ofc for abroad you have to start thinking abhi. I can’t tell you what you should take, but whatever out of the two you take and don’t end up liking, you can change it, if not during during undergrad, for post grad you can (again pls look up GATE requirements first). Engg does have more placements, I only got three companies for placements while btech got lots, so if you wanna work straight after undergrad, btech is probably better.

Good luck!! And I’m sorry if this was toooo long 💙💙💙 you can hmu in private if you have any questions

[roscgcld]

It's "just five more minutes of sleep" just "one more chocolate chip cookie" I had toooo, I had to keep reading 😩 how do I know your writing won't suddenly sprout legs and run off??? 😶 Haha XD You 🤝 Me "if I don't include Good Teacher (read: dad) Gojou content then what's the point?" hELLO??? TEARS ;-; (gonna try and make my own response as vague as possible cause spoilers) even when THAT is happening he chose to use those last seconds to reassure her and says *that* and know I Am Emotional

there is a lot of asks from this cute anon so am gonna make it long. also there are some spoilers, so read with your own caution~

(Continued) 😭 tried to keep it limited to one ask since I don't know if you accept multiple parts but here we are. Yeah mental trauma can be heavy, and oh that bit with Maki fits in perfectly since we didn't see what happened in between, how some characters got from point A to point C (like in ch 137, that was so sudden) (or we did see and I just forgot, I just remember where we left off with them mid-arc and then seeing them post-arc)

(Continued) "whacked" is such interesting word choice considering~ you. you know how it went. It brings to mind the image of whacking someone gently over the head with a newspaper. I am both laughing and crying. Ahhhh, you did not hold back. Aw daydreamer-chan it doesn't stop there 😭 I really feel for her, gosh, I just want HUGS. Even if 1/2 a hug. (I'm sorry) One day 😔 *plays kazoo sadly* dream a little dream, of a happy little scene, where you're here with me~ ✨ together for infinity~ 🌌🌏🌖

(Continued) Don't worry about the rambles, I love listening to people go off about their ideas!! Even better if u have fun with your own stories! Aksks and well 👉👈 what is a writer, if part of our souls don't desire whump content or to watch the struggle to win and getting back up again. That stuff is cool! I've sent you four asks already so I'll tell you in a new one! Ah shoot wait won't that end up having spoilers too if I go into detail ;-; can it be hidden under the cut?

Honey I am not going anywhere as of now loool - so all my works are always here for you to binge whenever you want cx fear not haha!

And okay see - yes Gojo is an ass, and I make that very clear every time I write for him cause let’s be honest here; he pisses everyone off AHAHHAA. BUT - he still does care for his students. I think that is very obvious. So I always try to make it so that I make that part of him shine through more cause that just makes me feel all happy and soft inside cx

I felt that it was the most accurate way to write them meeting up once more cause for me, she sort of just runs about the station not sure of where to go lol so i felt like it was the most fitting way for them to meet up once more. plus, it causes the most trauma for her in one go. AND OKAY SEE - that was the first phrase that came into mind okay? When I first read it I thought “well shit, Nanami got whacked by Mahito” and that is how i describe it to everyone lol. Friends who get into the manga will always hate me cause they thought the same thing too cx

I get that honestly - however I realise here on tumblr there are a portion of readers who are not happy when I explore? Like i mentioned yesterday that I was interested in exploring a more darker writing AU cause of an official art I saw, and I thought “Maybe putting them into a Mafia!AU would be cool.” Cause the in the Mafia!AU world, you gotta think really deep and dark for certain parts, and it interests me a lot. But then some random anon decided to say that I am sick and I need help - and it’s the few reasons why I wonder why I share the things I write lol. If I can’t write the things I am interested in, and people are going to go out of their way to try and like, make a huge deal out of it, I just rather not sometimes lol. Cause am a very pessimistic person. I get discouraged easily cause of some things that happened when I was younger, so sometimes I have to remind myself that I am writing myself and no one else. But I also get discouraged lol. Idk maybe I am just being too hard on myself but I just, I just start to talk down on myself and agree with the ‘haters’ cause I still don’t know what possessed me to hit post on my first ever headcanon HAHAHA

[eroticcannibal]

What's recovery rhetoric? I think I have a basic understanding of it, but I feel like I'm missing the nuance of it, if that makes sense?

Ok I’ve learned my lesson, I’m typing this up in wordpad too and also I’m lazy so I’m cribbing from previous posts  (which I will link to in case anyone wants some further reading). Also it might not be necessary for u but I’m gonna cover basics in this in case any newer followers are curious.

So, SUPER short version, “recovery rhetoric” is the eugenics-lite way that recovery is discussed and pushed on mentally ill/mad/neurodiverse people. Recovery rhetoric is essentially the intra-community version of neurotypical ableism and their ultimate goal of eradicating neurodivergency. It’s an ultimately harmful attempt to try and assimilate into neurotypical society. Now I don’t think those that perpetuate it are intentionally malicious, I completely understand the desire to get better and be “normal”, but nonetheless the impact is ultimately harmful.

Things that are typical of recovery rhetoric:

Constantly changing redefinitions of “recovery”. Recovery means the problem is gone, which for most people is not possible, ever. Most people engaging in recovery rhetoric recognise this but rather than give up on recovery, which is demanded of all of us by ableist society, they attempt to redefine it, which creates a situation of one side telling a vulnerable person that “recovery is possible!”, which sets them up for the trauma of constant and inevitable failure for not living up to The Actual Definition Of Recovery, which will usually be internalised as a personal failing.

The insistence that their is One Way That Recovery Looks. To make this easier to discuss here I’m going to define this as “improvement” rather than “recovery”, but recovery rhetoric ignores the variety of people and their situations and experiences. The standard for improvement tends to be go to therapy, take your meds, “healthy” (read: respectable by ableist standards) coping mechanisms only etc etc which is inherently harmful for prioritising respectability over what is actually helpful for an individual.

One example would be the earlier discussion on my blog regarding addiction, the recovery rhetoric approach would frame replacement and even addiction itself as “unhealthy” coping mechanisms, therefore things that should be eradicated immediately regardless of the individuals situation. Their is no consideration for those who would be worse off in their current situations without their “bad” ways of coping. No consideration for those that respond differently to different things (insulting myself is FUN it doesn’t actually damage me, the same is true of others, please leave us be). Their is no consideration of the fact that “healthy” is subjective. Their is no consideration of the fact that for some “healthy” is UNACHIEVABLE. Their is no consideration of those who would be harmed by “respectable” methods of improvement, such as therapy or meds (abuse within mental health fields exists and is rampant). And this tends to breed a lack of compassion for those in worse situations than those who can just drink a glass of water and take their meds to feel better. It’s respectability or you aren’t trying hard enough and you just want to be ill. Because recognising that personal improvement is actually antithetical to the expectations of ableist society, those entrenched in recovery rhetoric will tear down anyone who is a threat to their viewpoint so they can hold on to the hope they will be “normal”.

(Also, I’ve just realised this parallels the CBT approach: removing a negative behavior results in the problem it is a response to being solved. Which is… not how things work but given how CBT has been pushed lately above all other forms of treatment due to low costs, to the point where some other treatments have been cut away completely, I’m… much less suprised by this aspect of recovery rhetoric. I’m copywriting this insight /j)

The idea that to be neurotypical and sane is the default, what we should all aim to be, and that existence outside of that is a deviation to be fixed no matter the cost. By God You Better Be A Productive Cog In The Machinery Of Capitalism Or You Have Failed. This links in a little with the previous point, in that what is considered “healthy” and “recovered” doesn’t always correlate with what is good for someone.

The pathologising of Every Damn Thing Even If It Is Harmless. Not texting back is because you are traumatised. Don’t do toooo much self care because that’s indulgence. Don’t trust people? It’s because you’re crazy, not because people have shown you can’t trust them. I could go on.

Coercive loss of autonomy through intra-community pressure. You are not allowed to be ok with being ill or mad. You are not allowed to disagree with professionals, you must submit to them and seek treatment from them. Recovery is not optional. Don’t you dare suggest there is nothing actually wrong with you. And of course listen to some random blogger who knows nothing about your life, they just want the best for you, you aren’t anti-recovery, are you?

The denial of outside factors in mental illness and madness. If you have a problem, it’s because of you, your brain, you have to fix it. Your recovery is down to you. Homeless? Abused? Can’t get medical treatment? RECOVER ANYWAY.

It leaves no space for those who have been harmed by recovery attempts and the mental health field. Certainly no space for those that have been killed by them.

(can u tell I’m getting lazy towards the end here? My hands hurt, sorry)

Recovery rhetoric may seem quite lovely on the surface, but the end result is a few uwu recovery drink-water-take-your-meds blogs feeling all morally superior because it’s easier for them, and a culture of attacking anyone who has life a bit harder.

MORE POSTS ON RECOVERY RHETORIC, PRO-RECOVERY CULTURE AND RELATED TOPICS )some are more serious, thought out posts like this, some are fairly casual exchanges of experiences)(check the notes, there’s some good additions)

[Example of the hostility towards those who cannot perform to the standards of pro-recovery culture]

[The value of “toxic” communities like pro-ana]

[Pathologising normal behaviors]

[What is recovery culture]

[A positive approach to personal improvement]

[The cost of recovery]

[Personal accounts of psychiatric abuse][Theres a ton more on my blog if u search “psych”]

[An alternative view on living with a weird brain, which I include mostly due to the hostility in the notes as an example of the behavior directed at anyone who does not perpetuate recovery rhetoric. IDK if the worst of it will show up in the notes cus a lot of people blocked me over that post lmao]

[Pathologising healthy behaviors]

[How recovery culture can cause a lack of trust in yourself]

[”What is recovery?” a perspective by a psychiatric survivor, I’d also recommend that whole site for anyone interested in anti-psych, recovery-critical and Mad perspectives]

[An alternative vision of treatment]

My blog is not the be all and end all of reading, I’m just not looking further lmao

[astromilku]

it’ll all be okay - steve rogers x reader pt.2 (sad ending)

pairing: steve rogers x reader

summary: it’s been five years since steve has seen the love of his life. 

word count: 2.3k (i’m sorry its so short T-T)

warnings: ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. sad boi stevie. like really sad boi stevie. fluff if you squint. sum language may or may not be involved idk. fighting sequences! 

notes: so i’ll have two different endings, one sad and one happy :) they won’t be toooo different, only the ending parts will be different. i’m not sure what fic i’m gonna do next... i think i might do a peter x reader since i just saw FFH the other day.

part one

requests are welcome!

Five years.

It’s been five years since the Battle of Wakanda. Five years since the Decimation. It’s been five years, and Steve has still been unable to comprehend it all.

Almost a month after Thanos had decimated half of the entire population, Tony and Nebula had made it back to Earth, courtesy of Carol- otherwise known as Captain Marvel. After Tony had gotten settled, Steve and the others went off to space to find Thanos. Only to find out that he’d destroyed the stones. Thor had then killed Thanos out of anger, and then everyone returned to Earth with empty souls. They had actually lost. 

Fast forward five years. Steve wouldn’t say that everyone was doing great. But, everyone was slowly getting better. Tony was now off the grid with Pepper and their kid, Morgan. Natasha was still keeping some part of the Avengers going, constantly in contact with Carol, Rocket, Rhodey, Nebula, and Okoye. Steve now ran a weekly support group in New York, to help those that are still struggling with their losses.  The world was still struggling with getting itself back together. Just like him.

“So I, uh... Went on a date the other day. First time in five years, you know? Sit there, dinner... I didn't know what to talk about.” A man in the support group spoke up, Joe, glancing around at the other attendees. “What did you talk about?” Steve asked, wanting Joe to continue with his story. “Same old crap, you know? How things have changed, and... my job, his job... How much we miss the Mets. Then things get quiet... He cried as they were serving the salads.” Joe continued, looking over at James when he asked if he’d cried. “I cried...just before dessert. But I'm seeing him tomorrow, so…” Joe finished, making Steve smile a little before he looked down at the ring on his finger. “That's great. You did the hardest part. You took the jump, you didn't know where you were gonna come down. And that's it. That's those little brave baby steps you gotta take. To try and become whole again. To try and find purpose. I went in the ice in '45 right after I met the person who I thought was the love of my life. Woke up 70 years later. Met the person who I was going to marry but she disappeared with half of the planet. You gotta move on. Gotta move on. The world is in our hands. It's left to us guys, and we have to do something with it. Otherwise... Thanos should have killed us all.”

Steve walked into the compound for the last part of Natasha’s conversation with Rhodey. “Please.” She pleaded with the holographic form of Rhodey, the man let out a reluctant sigh. “Okay.” Rhodey said before he turned his hologram off. Steve watched as Natasha tried to hold back her tears, deciding to make himself known. “You know I'd offer to cook you dinner but you seem pretty miserable already.” Steve tried to joke as Natasha quickly started to try and dry her eyes. “You here to do your laundry?” Natasha asked, looking over at Steve’s broad figure leaning against the bookcase. “To see a friend.” Steve answered, Natasha quickly coming back with a retort. “Clearly, your friend is fine.”

Steve decided to change the topic, knowing he wasn’t gonna get much more out of Natasha. “You know, I saw a pod of whales when I was coming up the bridge.” Steve informed the red-head, one of her eyebrows raising. “In the hudson?” She questioned, making Steve nod. “There’s fewer ships, cleaner water.” He replied, making Natasha shake her head a little with a sigh. “You know, if you're about to tell me to look on the bright side. Um... I'm about you to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich.” She joked, the two of them sharing a smile as Steve walked to sit in the seat across from her. “Sorry.. Force of habit.” He speaks into the comfortable silence, biting his lip before he continued to speak. “You know, I keep telling everyone they should move on and... grow. Some do. But not us.” Steve said quietly, twisting the ring on his finger, thinking about how much he missed (Y/N).

“If I move on, who does this?” Natasha asked, looking around the room that she was in before taking a bite of her sandwich. “Maybe it doesn't need to be done.” Steve countered, looking from his ring to Natasha with a sad smile. “I used to have nothing. Then I got this. This job... this family. And I was... I was better because of it. And even though... they're gone... I'm still trying to be better.” Natasha spoke after a moment of silence, her eyes glazing over as she thought about her past, sighing a little afterwards. “We both need to get a life.” Steve said, trying to lighten the mood once more. “You first.” Natasha countered with a smile before a camera image of Scott Lang pops up in front of them.

“Uh...Oh! Hi. Hi! Is anyone home? This is Scott Lang. We met a few years ago, at the airport? In Germany? I got really big, and I had my mask on. You wouldn't recognize me.” Scott’s voice filtered through the dark room, a look of bewilderment on both Steve and Natasha’s face. Steve stood up first, looking at Natasha. “Is this an old message?” He asked as Natasha stood up as well. “It’s the front gate.”

“ Ant-man? Ant-man, I know you know that. I need to talk to you guys.”

But that was all a few days ago, Steve was getting tired. They had figured out time travel to get the infinity stones, they’d lost Natasha, Bruce had snapped to bring everyone back, and now Thanos was back. He felt like he’d been fighting for hours, but there was no sign that the snap that Bruce made had even worked. He held Mjolnir in one hand, as the other one held one half of his shield. Out of nowhere, Steve hears a voice he hasn’t heard in a long time cackle through his communicator. “On your left.” Suddenly, the dark battlefield lights up in a golden color as portals reveal the heroes that had been lost in the decimation. Steve’s eyes traveled around the battlefield, seeing T’Challa, Sam, Wanda, Bucky, and many others arrive. However, he couldn’t find (Y/N). Where was she? “What happened to the beard?” Steve heard a voice to his right, his face breaking out into a big grin when he saw (Y/N) standing there, her weapons in her hand(s) as she grinned back at him. Steve turned back to the front, his veins running with a newfound energy. “AVENGERS…” Steve called out, summoning Mjolnir to his hand before he finished his sentence. “Assemble.” He finished as he started charging towards Thanos, everyone else following his lead.

(Y/N) and Steve ended up being grouped together for a short moment, (Y/N) using her weapons to her full advantage as Steve did the same with Mjolnir. After they had cleared enough out to take a breather, Steve crashed his lips against (Y/N)’s passionately, still unable to believe that she was back with him. “I missed you so much Doll.” He murmured after he broke the kiss, looking at her with loving eyes. “I missed you too… let’s try and finish this quickly. We got a lot of missed time to make up for.” She murmured softly, stroking his cheek before running off to fight some more of Thanos’ army. Steve watched her as she left with a soft smile, before starting to fight himself. 

(E/C)-colored eyes darted to Spider-Man, who was webbed to Mjolnir before Pepper caught him and passed the boy to Valkyrie. Her eyes then watched the sky as Captain Marvel flew down from the sky, destroying the ship that was about to fire at everything below it. (Y/N) heard a crash right next to her, instantly getting into a battle position before relaxing a little. Peter had landed right next to her, his body shaking as he kept a tight grip on the gauntlet. ”Danvers, we need an assist here.” The (H/C)ette heard Steve’s voice crackle through the communicator, Carol flying down to the other side of Peter. “Hi. I’m Peter Parker.” Peter introduced himself to Carol, the woman offering him a soft smile before replying. “Hey Peter Parker. You got something for me?” Carol asked kindly, Peter handing her the gauntlet that he’d been holding close to his chest. “I don’t know how you’re gonna get through all that.” Peter said, looking out into the vastness of the aliens. “Don’t worry.” Wanda said, appearing from the sky as she came down to hover a couple of inches from the ground. “She’s got help.” Okoye finished, a smirk on her face as she twirled her staff.

 As Captain Marvel started forward, all the female heroes followed her lead, taking down any aliens that crossed their path. (Y/N) had abandoned her weapon(s), now solely relying on her powers as she blasted the aliens alongside the rest of the girls. Her eyes wandered to see how far Carol had gotten, only to see her get blasted aside by the Power stone. Quickly, (Y/N) burst into action, using her powers to propel her forward towards Thanos. She used her powers to land a punch on Thanos that was hard enough to disorient him.  However, Thanos recovered only a couple seconds later, kicking her back against a broken piece of concrete from the destroyed base, before a mad smile formed on the titan’s face. He brought his gauntleted hand up and blasted Tony back before he spoke, not realizing the dark (F/C) strands of magic on his gauntlet. 

“I am...inevitable.” He said before he snapped his fingers, waiting for the stones to do its work on the heroes. However, the only thing that happened was a loud ‘clunk’. Panic started to form on the Titan’s face, turning his hand to see that the stones were no longer there.

“Hey buddy, looking for these?” (Y/N) called out, a smug smirk on her bloodied face. Thanos’ eyes seemed stuck on her hand, which was covered in a dark (F/C) gauntlet shape, with the stones showing clearly. Thanos lunges for the girl,but doesn’t make it far before a loud clang echoed in the battlefield as a light (F/C) flash of light follows it. Slowly, the aliens start to turn to dust, a horrified look on Thanos’ face as he realizes that he’s lost. The others watched the army fade to dust before their eyes, Steve letting out a sigh of exhaustion, but he’s happy. It’s finally over. And he can be happy with (Y/N). Steve catches Thanos’ eyes before he disintegrates, confused as to why he looks smug. All of the sudden, Steve hears Sam call out to him. “Cap! It’s (Y/N)!” A cold chill runs through Steve’s veins as he makes his way over to where Sam is kneeling, his eyes widening as he takes in (Y/N)’s figure.  

“No… No, no, no this can’t be happening.” Steve gasps out as he kneels down next to (Y/N) pulling her close to his body, brushing some strands of hair out of her face. “S-Steve.. It’s okay-” (Y/N) murmurs quietly, looking up at Steve with tears in her eyes. “D-D-Doll… Doll… I can’t lose you a-again…” Steve cried out, not noticing that Bucky and Wanda had come to see what happened. Steve took a couple of breaths as he looked down at (Y/N). “Doll… (Y/N)... It’ll all be okay baby. It’ll all be okay.” Steve said, realization flashing across (Y/N)’s face before the once bright eyes turned dull, making Steve let out a choked out sob. She was gone. The love of his life was gone. (Y/N) was gone.

It’d been three days after the battle against Thanos, it’d been three days without (Y/N). Today was the day of the funeral. They were holding the funeral in the outer banks of New York, on the property that  Steve had bought for him and (Y/N). Where they were supposed to retire to and live together after all of this had blown over. The service had finished a little over an hour ago, but Steve was still posted in front of (Y/N)’s gravestone. Most of the people that had attended had left; Clint, Tony, Wanda, Sam, and Bucky being the only ones who were left. He still couldn’t believe that the love of his life was gone, and that she wouldn’t be coming back this time. Sam came up behind Steve, resting his hand on his shoulder. “Cap… I’m so sorry… I wish we could find a way to bring her back.” Sam said quietly, before patting Steve’s shoulder and walking off, knowing that Steve still needed time alone. 

Another hour passed, the sky lighting up in a beautiful orange as the sun started to set. Bucky walked up to Steve, looking between him and the gravestone. “Steve it’s starting to get late.. Let’s go inside and rest.. I know you’re still doing the mission tomorrow.. You’re gonna need your rest for it.” Steve looked over at Bucky with a broken expression, his eyes bloodshot from all of the crying he’d done. “Yeah… I just… Can I still have some more time?” Steve asked, his voice cracking a little from how raw his throat was. Bucky nodded, ruffling Steve’s hair before walking farther back to where Sam was standing. 

Steve knelt down onto the ground, not caring that he was dirtying his pants. “Hey Doll...” He started, looking at the picture of (Y/N) that was next to the stone. “I’m so sorry… It’s gonna take me a long time… to finally accept that you’re gone. But I know that I’ll see you again. Somehow, someway. I will see you again. Alright? It’ll all be okay doll... It’ll all be okay.”

taglist (let me know if you’d like to be apart of my taglist!): @spideyspoods

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

OPM GenoSai Drag Queen AU update

so I got a lotta notes on my last post about the AU, so thank you to everyone! I’m glad ppl are interested in the idea :) SO here’s a random list of shit I want in my AU, tho I won’t list off everything bc I don’t wanna spoil too much (if I ever do get around to writing it lmaooo)

so there’s Bad X Garou in this, RIP Mumarou shippers but I like this ship a lot better 

There’s also Mumen X Sonic, and I KNOW they’ve never met b4 obviously but hey let me dream, I adore this ship

obviously there’s SaiGenos, and I personally headcanon Saitama as demi and Genos as gay if anyone is curious

There’s Mizuki x Fubuki bc I adore the idea and I wish they were a more widespread ship RIP

so Fubuki owns the drag bar, Mizuki works there part time with heavy lifting and stuff andbcIt’sanexcusetogetclosetoFubuki

Sonic is a drag queen bc he’s fab and his drag name is “Sonya O’ Sound,” bc of course he’d still keep the O’  Sound. He’s not an assassin in this, but he still does some questionable stuff on the side, and I want this AU to be just a little less monstrous as canon, so Sonic still has his GOTTA GO FAST POWERS 

Saitama, Mumen and King all work at a lowkey run down candy shop, Mumen still likes to help around the neighborhood bc he'll always be like that, but in this he has more of a passion for providing for ppl with candy and stuff :) King works there bc it’s just easy on him, and he spends most of his money on dating sims, so his apartment is smaller than Saitama’s, but he basically lives with Saitama half the time anyway. As for Sai, he wanted to become the BESt taffy puller ever, so he trained like fucking crazy, and, I bet you can guess this, but he lost his hair when he gained his one punch/taffy puller strength, which is SOOO original but let me live. He still suffers from depression and stuff, but working with friends all the time surely helps, and so does Genos when he meets him at the drag bar, uwu. 

I don’t wanna spoil toooo much about Genos’ position, but he just recently joined the bar, him and Sonic obviously hate each other, his drag name is Genny *insert last name here, which I will when I figure out something clever and cute*, and to Sonic’s dismay Genos is hella popular as a performer. & of course Genos was pretty bad at performing, and still can’t do big grand stuff yet, but he makes up for it with his own atmosphere and determination (also his makeup is always on point smh we stan). and yes, he is still a cyborg, and he has his incinerators and a few other weapons like in canon bc Kuseno wants to keep him safe, tho he’s less bulky than in canon. He’s also not too confident on stage like Lady Gaga in that scene I was inspired from (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u93gJXcSyEs), but like I said hella talented (still has trouble not looking constantly angry sometimes, lol). I won’t say too much about him other than that.

Won’t say too much about Fubuki, other than she’s close with Saitama and the rest of the candy crew (heh), the blizzard group helps out behind the stage with her, she runs the drag bar and hopes that through her efforts she can someday measure up to Tatsumaki’s famous night club a town away, and she works almost as hard to express her emotions to people, especially Mizuki. 

Idk about Garou and Badd’s involvement yet, I can’t see either of them being queens, but I’ll figure it out. Oh and Genos, Garou and Badd are all friends bc I love rayadraws’ Shitty Teen Squad.

So yeah, that’s the gyst of my AU, tho I’m a really bad writer, and my last AU still haunts me with how OOC it could be. I still feel very attached to this AU tho, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to write this one out. I also need an AO3 account, cuz Wattpad is ass lmao. So yeah. OH AND GO CHECK OUT A STAR IS BORN, IT”S SO GOOD but might make you cry so be warned. 

[isys777]

tagged by literally my damn self cause nobody tags me in these jawns anymore and I fucking wanted to do this goddamn it

Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. don’t cheat. tag 10 (or however many) peeps.

this is funny cause there are so few shows I’ve watched all the way through

Boy Meets World (cause I can watch it over and over)

Supernatural (even tho I quit in like season 12)

Pretty Little Liars

Brooklyn 99

The Good Place

Literally idek why I did this to myself I like don’t watch tv these days but damnit I’m committed now

1. who is your favorite character in 2?

um Sam ig? Yeah I think he was always my favorite but probably cause I big loved Jared Padalecki

2. who is your least favorite character in 1?

In this 90s sitcom? Is there someone to dislike? I chose the worst shows haha um.... I honestly was never a big fan of Rachel. She ain’t do nothin she just bored me

3. what is your favorite episode of 4?

BRO the mumps episode is forever iconic I literally never laughed so hard at a tv show

4. what is your favorite season of 5?

uhhhh season... 1 I think. I like all the other seasons but I think the first season really did the damn thing

5. who is your favorite couple in 3?

Haleb. By the end of the show I was honestly only watching to know what happened with them

6. who is your favorite couple in 2?

ha ha. none sorry the fandom high key ruined destiel for me before I even started the show and no others appealed to me

7. what is your favorite episode of 1?

You would think since this is a show I’ve watched 3493948 times I’d know off top. I think it might be An Affair to... Remember? Ironic that I can’t remember if it’s called an affair to remember or forget but it’s the one where Cory and Shawn can’t be friends because of Shawn’s bitch gf. 

8. what is your favorite episode of 5?

The last one in season 1, whatever it’s called. Really hyped me up for the next season

9. what is your favorite season of 2?

Ummmmm hmm. I’ma say season... 5. I think. I mean it’s 2, 4, or 5. Good seasons for sure

10. how long have you watched 1?

Uh I saw reruns on cable every once and a while for like ever but I rewatched the show in full some years back, idk exactly when, and since then at least once a year I rewatch the whole show cause it’s just a lot of fun

11. how did you become interested in 3?

This is like lowkey gonna sound sad but I was on a group call with my friends in middle school and it was fun until the two of them started watching pll live without me and like forgot I was there. I felt left out and instead of hanging out I just sat there and listened to them watch the show and talk about it on the phone without me until the call ended and probably started watching the show like... immediately after

12. who is your favorite actor in 4?

Andy Samberg because he’s fucking GREAT

13. which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

Ugh um. Idk those are like completely different shows. I mean comparing 1 and 5 are a little easier but even then. I’ma say 1 cause it’s... easier on the mind. I mean 5 got philosophy and shit and it’s fun and funny but I’ve honestly never said, huh let me go back and rewatch this season, which I’ve said about 1 many times. 2 too tbh but I’ma say 1 over 2 since I actually finished 1 and 2 is still going and i have no desire to catch up. Early season Supernatural might beat out bmw if I sit and think about it tho...

14. which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3 ?

Uh 1? I think? Idk both have 7 seasons they probably have about the same number of episodes and I don’t feel like looking it up but I’ve certainly rewatched 1 more

15. if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

Um... Rosa? Yeah probably Rosa, what an icon honestly.

16. would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

It would actually cause let’s be real the people in b99 would have figured out who A was in a single episode and could have ended the show before it got too bad haha

17. pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple.

I like highkey wanna say Cory and Shawn but they’re not even unlikely and strange they’re practically a couple. If they were bold enough for that back then, that’d be the true iconic love story of bmw. So since that’s over I guess I’ll just say Cory and Angela? Idk Topanga and Shawn came to mind but they don’t seem quite as unlikely on the real and maybe it would have been cool to see the main character be in an interracial relationship. Be cool the stories that might come from that. Damn... now I kinda wish that happened

18. overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

Fucking Good Place is beast like let’s be real they eat PLL for breakfast (I did genuinely enjoy PLL I swear lol) and they know when to quit while they’re ahead. Even if the constant reset to Eleanor and Chidi is driving me up a goddamn WALL

19. which has the better theme music, 2 or 4?

Uh idk I guess Supernatural because even tho I don’t watch anymore I can still jam tf out to Carry on my wayward son but then also to consider there’s the iconic I want it that way scene. But for the sake of the question I’ll say Supernatural

This was a disaster but I did it anyway sue me

@ipoddymouth @my---druthers @vibrant-falkon @hypermania @mrs-n-uzumaki @bellamyblakesz lol the thing is I do actually know ten people to tag I just have no idea what they’re doing with their lives and their tumblrs cause I really only still interact with the ones I just put down but whatever fuck it @bonneibennett @darwinquark That’s 8... that’s enough. Wait *edit* adding @succcdrake cuz you my friend toooo sorry I didn’t include you from jump? My bad?

[chxrimoya]

im just posting this here so i have it later bc entertaining convo

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like anime.

You: hey whats up

Stranger: Not much, just chilling with my oniichan in my uchi you know?

You: damn wish i had an oniichan

You: im just hitoribocchi rn

Stranger: Yeah it's pretty easy to get when you are a kamisama like me you know?

Stranger: I am just a full on ikemen

Stranger: Got a harem

You: damn kamisama

You: gotta have a favorite tho right

Stranger: Of course

Stranger: Always the osananajimi

Stranger: Gotta respect the firsts

You: osananajimi always the best

You: maybe jus a little bit on tsun tsun, yknow

Stranger: Bro you understand me from my toes to my atama rn

Stranger: I like the kawaii girls that got the tsun tsun

You: damn bro im glad we could tsunagaru like this

Stranger: Bokumo I think this is a tokubestu connection

You: an honor for me to be nakama with kamisama

Stranger: I am laughing so hard rn I cant believe this is still going. Like majide??

You: sou, maji da yo

Stranger: Sounds like you study your nihongo all Majime and stuff

You: am i just gonna descend into full japanese

You: likewise my bro

Stranger: I think so my nakama

Stranger: Gotta go zenbu nihongo

You: it started as shuumi but now i have degree so

You: saikou no weeb da yo

Stranger: Oh I see bokumo started when I was a koukousei

You: i was only hontou majime when i was daigakusei

Stranger: Then I did it in Uni with a major in film minor in nihongo

Stranger: Okok

Stranger: 分かったwww

You: respect for my nakama to follow their dreams in kokosei

You: 草

You: i'm afraid i'm ちょっと下手 now from lack of use w

Stranger: これは最初に冗談だけど、ほんとに分かったwww

Stranger: Daijyoubu. I am the same

You: 感じ嫁できないｗ

You: i am a Fool in Man's Shoes

Stranger: Got my degree 3 years ago and habent studied since

You: what a fuckin mood

You: my usage is all in media consumption and music, honestly

Stranger: Okay kanjiless こらはさいしょにじょうだんだけど、ほんとにわかった

You: but i barely speak it lmao

Stranger: I see same

Stranger: I have no one to speak to

Stranger: Do you play games?

You: あぁそう、私も

Stranger: We could speak to each other! I was supposed to be sleeping so this must be fate

You: は～い

Stranger: Stay night

Stranger: If you know whatimean

You: I AM ZA BONE OBU MY SOARD

Stranger: What kind of games do you play? Any league or pubg?

You: i took a fat nap earlier so now i cant sleep

You: unmei da yo

Stranger: Hahah

Stranger: Where you from?

You: i quit league a while ago, but i was considering playing again tbh

Stranger: Omg

You: california!

Stranger: We can play together

Stranger: And talk

You: gonna have to catch me up on new meta tho

Stranger: Hey I am driving to LA in 2 hours lol

You: too many new items and changes MonkaS

Stranger: All good I'll nurture you my imouto

Stranger: XP

You: bruh good luck with the traffic lmao

You: only if i get sufficient headpats u_u

Stranger: I wanna die

Stranger: Of course you will! Uwu

Stranger: I always give cute bois headsets uwu

You: bro gimmie ya discord

Stranger: What's your discord?

You: ... bro

You: HAHA

You: eurae#9474

Stranger: We are on the same wavelength

You: icon should be of a nekomimi girl bc... im weak

Stranger: Added

Stranger: I think mine is a nekomimi boy so...

You: how can you be my kouhai if you're gonna be my oniichan :thinking:

Stranger: Shhhh

Stranger: Let it happen

You: so why you headed to LA anyway? work? o:

Stranger: Let this 23 yo onichan teach you the ways on how to be a bronze player in league of legends

You: bro we are the same age

Stranger: Work! I film!

Stranger: I am in Arizona rn

You: oh wow! do you travel a lot for work? o:

Stranger: From Canada tho! Going back tomorrow evening to the great white north!

Stranger: Here and there ^^

Stranger: I make the usual.

You: it's too hot here anyway q_q

Stranger: Wedding videos, music videos, commercials, porn

You: socal born and raised, still cant stand the heat

Stranger: Wait forget the last one

You: hey man why should i judge

Stranger: Which city?

You: how did our conversation start HAHA

Stranger: Haha just being silly xP

You: alhambra! it's about 30 mins out from LA

Stranger: Idk but it was amazing

Stranger: And it was fate legit

You: best laugh i've had in a while

Stranger: I was gonna sleep

You: honestly

Stranger: Before I clicked

Stranger: Then for some reason I didn't

Stranger: Idk shy

You: honestly i was about to close omegle because i kept getting kik bots

Stranger: Right????

Stranger: My god

You: "M 17 and horny" boy you are a MINOR

Stranger: The tag japanese is ONLY BOTS

Stranger: That's the one!!!

Stranger: Looking for weeb gf??

You: chris hansen? hello?

You: YEAH

You: almost got fuckin whiplash

Stranger: Omg

You: LOL

Stranger: Get Christmas on the line

You: konnichiwa keisatsu desuka?

Stranger: So you are Male too right just wondering?

Stranger: Loooool

You: 女だよ

Stranger: へええ まじで

You: そうよ！変かなぁ？ｗｗ

You: girls dont exist on the internet right lmao

Stranger: Well in that case *flexes arms* I hope you know I am at the top of my class. I main Vayne. Hit silver 3 last season yeah I am a total stud

Stranger: Hahaha right??? I play with a few actually and it is toooo funny when we play league with randoms xD

You: bro i can be your support and get mad when i flash+all in and die bc no one else followed up

Stranger: Hontoni omoshiroi

You: or jungle and feed

Stranger: Looo

Stranger: All seriousness

Stranger: I dont main Vayne anymore lol

You: it's been an age man, i played season 3-4

Stranger: I main twitch hit plat this season and also play a bit of top. I would love to play with you though! <3

Stranger: Damnnnnn I started in s5 lol

Stranger: What do you play nowadays?

Stranger: What are your hobbies?

You: my high school was chock full of league peeps man, i just got pulled in around then

Stranger: Same but I have a story about that hH

You: i draw? and for games, I lean pretty heavily into strategy/jrpg

You: i... quit league cause i got to be a picturesque toxic league player >____>

Stranger: I have too much I wanna talk about and I gotta sleep hehe I wont be home till late so talk to you day after? If you have tele you can text me there too uwu

You: oh yeah!! :3 we can trade numbers later!

Stranger: Ooh I would love to see your drawings and being toxic is bad! XP

You: wouldn't want you to die on yr 2 hr drive at 5mi/hr

You: LOL

Stranger: HahH

Stranger: Do you have telegram?

You: i don't! is that like a texting app? o:

Stranger: Mhmm! With loooooots of cute stickers!

You: s...stickers

Stranger: Mostly furries use it but it has cute anime ones too

You: i tried to use line for a while because of the stickers (poptepipic what's gud) but no one else used it qq

Stranger: Yeah! Just download it and I'll teach you!

You: guess it's time to make a fursona!

You: LOL

Stranger: I used line when I lived in Japan haha

You: o: you lived in japan omg

Stranger: Yup guess so! XD everyone has one nowadays! :p

Stranger: Download it and let me know wha TV your @ is and I'll add you!

Stranger: What your* not tv looool

Stranger: I did yeah for a year

You: does it go by name?

You: ... "tams loves catgirls"

Stranger: My tele is @imyourkohai

Stranger: If you go to send a message you can put that in and message me

Stranger: Lol yes that is right hahah

You: haha okay, i should let you get to sleep!!

Stranger: Okay!!!

You: do you have a call time or anything? o:

Stranger: Nini

Stranger: Nah just a meeting all g :3

You: okay!! haha oyasumi~ we'll talk more tmr :3

Stranger: Ouasumiii

Stranger has disconnected.

[dancerdedue]

@jezheart replied to your post “If you uh guys ever wonder about my OCs u know feel free to ask I know...”

tell me about ur ocs

i have......... sdfsdj so many uhh idk how to make this small i’ll just... give quick info bursts???? that arent gonna make them sound interesting dfjgdjkf im sorry its just that i have a lot !! but you can find like shit about them on here 

okay edit: these got long so i only did the ocs that i have the most thought out for jfkdjnfj

alyssa rodriguez - freelance makeup artist. has no relationship whatsoever with her family. mother is shitty. father is shitty. has a younger brother she misses but had to leave behind when she left home at like 18. she essentially had to raise him and herself since her parents were incompetent. she’s Anxiety Incarnate. uhhh pretty in pink. loves video games. her father got that BANK but she has NO MONEY from him at all since she peaces out on them and doesn’t talk to them so she poor. she collects vintage toys too?? just toys... the only time she was absolutely and genuinely happy was when she was a kid, so she has big interest with “childish things”. but tbh it’s just a Coping Mechanism. 

valentina gomez - seamstress. tbh a BIG people pleaser... so much so that she isn’t quite sure which parts of her are really her and which parts arent. her parents divorced when she was 23 which actually ended up turning her world upside down more than it SHOULD’VE considering how old she was. but she always idealized her parents relationship as “goals” and it was like... nah man they’ve been lowkey separated since she was in middle school, they just stuck around for her. she’s a bit of a Disaster but has HIGH mom friend energy. she just really really needs an eat, pray, love moment because this bitch is so damn lost in her life and doesn’t know who she is, it’s such a problem 

imogen shain - flower shop owner. i call her my “normal oc” because she has no “tragic backstory” and such like the other two. though val’s isn’t “tragic” but you know. she’s got direct interests in psychology and botany. her house is like one big ass garden tbh and if val has mom friend energy, imogen has grandma friend energy. which is absolutely a thing now! she has a BIG fear of failure though, like REAL big and any little hint that may even suggest that she’s failing in something breaks her down so she works REALLY hard. she doesn’t want to lose her flower shop at all and will do anything to keep it going !

leo flores - incubus ! he was a pretty bad person, he got into wild shit... did some illegal stuff... probably killed a person. it was all the life of drugs and alcohol and what not; he was with bad company for most of his life. for the last 5 years, though, he met a boy named kris li (another oc) and he fell in looooove. for the first time !!! and basically, he and kris were together and kris was helping him get his life together like he was sober and all that shit. buuuuut in that 5th year, leo’s old life caught up to him and he was in a “car accident” (he was murdered). right when his life was getting good!! and he had his true love and everything!! so anyways he dies and ends up iiiiin, you guessed it, hell!!! his punishment?? being an incubus! why was that his punishment?? because he’s back on earth! and everyone sees him as this attractive fellow EXCEPT kris!! who sees him as a grotesque older man!!! the love of his life is right there and he cant be with him at all! anyways, fast forward a couple of years like 10??? kris dies. and goes toooo, you guessed it, heaven! kris was a good guy! and now leo, the incubus demon, is trying really hard to make it right with god so he can possibly make it up there to be with kris. but praying makes his head hurt and going to church makes his entire body burn so !!!! he’s trying though, lord please see that he’s trying!!!

kris li - i JUST spoke about leo so i might as well talk about kris !! kris is a dear sweet boy. tbh he’s a lot like imogen in the sense that he’s had a “normal upbringing”. he went to college and got his degree in english literature and was basically an inspiring writer. he was able to finish a novel before his untimely passing (he was about 36-ish?? when he passed???) but tbh he was such a model Son and Person its disgusting dfjnfj but tbh he clearly had a thing for Bad Boys and wanted to Help Out which he ultimately did with leo. but tbh he met leo through a party that he like was invited to tbh and like, didn’t even know too much about leo’s shit until about a few months in but they were already slipping into this lovefest tbh kris just was like, okay well you gotta get out of that situation and what not. after leo’s death kris was so fucking devastated. but he like... he was able to push on and then was in a brief relationship for some time until that fell through and then his life fell through and now he’s in heaven just !! up there !! tbh he was lowkey hoping to see leo but he hasn’t yet because he doesn’t know that leo went to hell and was that one really grotesque old man he met like Once. 

these characters also have like other relationships with each other that overlap and all and yeah that’s just four of them !!! i have like 4 more but like u know this is so long already so i capped it here kjgkdjfng one of them is a werewolf that i love SO MUCH okay okay u can see the blog even though there isn’t too much their either