#worked harder on this than my uni exam

[pink-key]

How would Toby be with a romantic partner if he ever entered a relationship (like would he be toxic/romantic/etc??)

This will be long, buckle up, as I want to tackle multiple questions.

This is an x y/n headcanons visual thing.

Warning: Terrible writing. Might be slightly dark. Very very long

Firstly, all depends on the closeness you have with Toby.

🍨 Plaything

🍰 Congratulations, you got him interested in you. Maybe it's your overly humorous reaction to him running after you, while he was chaotically swinging his hatchets. Maybe you had a drastically different reaction to his previous victims.

🍰 Either way, he loves tormenting you; his morals are either absent or corrupt. He likes to scare you, looking into your window to your room at night, laughing and rambling nonsense once you notice him (doesn't matter which floor you live on; he can climb). He can inflict some minor or not so pain on you, especially during his episodes, from randomly swinging his weapons in anger or excitement to pushing you around. There is no particular aim in that; he just feels like it, or his mind is fogged by voices and emotions.

🍰 Contrary to popular belief, he isn't shy, he isn't easily embarrassed. He is loud, obnoxious; he will make his opinions known to you; he will comment on anything you do or any of your clothes, personal belongings, even your family. He is here to have fun, not to worry about your feelings. As long as you entertain him, he will keep you alive, driving you to madness.

🍰 He can and will find you anywhere, will make you look like an insane person to other people. He is good at hiding and is skilled at hurting physically and emotionally from a distance (throwing a rock in the head, displacing objects in the room to make one paranoid, etc.). A 2-meter-tall stalker running around with two axes after you? You're hilarious, y/n!

Coincidentally, his boss doesn't order him to kill you; maybe you don't disturb his work much, after all, he doesn't visit you all the time (his life doesn't revolve around you). Just the least when you expect him.

🍰Telling him he is disgusting or commenting his mental issues will result in an instant end, unless he would want to play a chasing game in the forest with you before that.

🍰 If you have an S/O, he will mock you for choosing such a pitiful person as a partner. Just hope he won't involve your S/O in your little games. He doesn't care about your personal life, but he sure knows how dear this relationship is to you.

🍨 "We are buddies, r-right?"

🍰 You somehow managed to survive his attacks, random outbursts, mood swings, threats and, for some reason, decided to befriend him.

Honestly, being his friend is the healthiest you can get and keep bits of your private space at the same time.

🍰 He, despite being insane, brainwashed, and amnesiac, starts to see you more than just an amusement park attraction as a cute little pet, not really an equal. Your relationship is a bit more than him having a blast using physical or mental torture on you. Your presence and personality are also fun, who knew?!

🍰 Maybe, would EVEN feel a slight parody of pity for you. Especially if you tell him your sad stories of your life. He is terrible at comforting, but if the stars align right, he can play his favorite cassettes to you with cheery songs or try to make jokes, but don't expect that to happen every time. Maybe a pat on the head would happen, usually, he would tell you to stop being sad as there are worse things to cry about.

🍰 He teases you and pranks you a lot. Doesn't matter what state you are in.

🍰 His idea of friendship is a bit twisted. You won't mind that he will destroy your belongings if he finds them annoying, right? You are friends! Friends don't hold grudges against each other! Or if he would hurt your family members or friends because they said or did something that triggered his aggression, right? Friends forgive each other! You don't mind sharing everything with him, from food to information, because friends don't keep secrets from each other!

🍰 There is a good part to this relationship. He is kinder to you. Perhaps, would bring you a cute little trinket or object stained in blood. Friends make gifts for each other! He would appreciate it if you would give him something. Be careful what you give him, as he interprets your gifts in his own way. New hoodie? Are you implying his tastes are bad? Are you mocking him?

🍰 This is also where you can shape your friendship into a seemingly normal one. Food is a safe option. Learn what he likes to convey to him that you care about him. The man needs kindness deep inside. It will confuse him; he might get angry at you, at the world without understanding why, but the long-term result is worth the risk.

🍰 If you are in danger, he might save you. Although you will bear the guilt of some hooligans being either deadly hurt or dead.

🍰 He is also more open to you. You can hold small conversations with him, discussing music, for example. However, if he is in one of his episodes or even just mood swings, he can snap, shout at you or just be mad at you for an unknown reason, while rambling something incomprehensible and leave you alone for a week or more. Violence isn't completely off the table either.

🍰 If you have an S/O (or just hangs out with friends), He can get jealous because you don't pay attention to him at that exact moment. He isn't always jealous, just sometimes. If he is in a terrible mood, might even hurt your S/O, he isn't shy at that stage to involve anyone in the mess. He can complain about your S/O. It's not advised to dispute him, as he can get angry at you. You are his friend! Why are you fighting him?

🍨 Obsessive

🍰 After a lot of talking, gifts and, if you were bold enough, light friendly physical touch, he is feeling smitten by you.

🍰 You notice weird signs of attention from him, he makes some sort of romantic gestures, but it comes off as creepy to you. For instance, he thought a fur coat is what you would like, but he didn't realise you need to work on the fur instead of giving it bloody to you.

🍰 He doesn't understand himself, his voices aren't helping him either, he is feeling hate then sickly love from one second to another. If he thinks too much about that, he twitches and tics more than usual, especially in your presence. He is more distant; he doesn't respond to you. He just sits there, shifting his eyes without focusing on anything, occasionally roughly turning to one of his auditory hallucinations.

🍰 You don't understand his ramblings or whispers, and now they are more disjointed than ever. He avoids you for a few months or even more. It worries you more than him being around you, as you're used to his presence by now. Who knows, maybe he got bored with you and just contemplates how brightly he could end your life.

🍰 He can't run from his feelings forever. As a snow during summer, he busts into your house and just dumps all his thoughts on you—just an incomprehensible jumble. You won't understand it right away until he grabs you by the shoulders and forces you into an embrace, then pushes you away, twitching, staring into your soul, waiting for your response. He doesn't say, but he already knows how you feel, even if he lies to himself. He is attentive and sensitive to human emotions, and he reads body language quite well.

🍰 You have a choice. If you deny his love, either one of things will happen. You die because he feels like it. You don't like him, if he kills you, he kills his feelings for you at the same time. Yet, there is a slim chance he can just forcefully make you like him, can lead to kidnapping, but you won't love him that way either, he would realize that, that's not right, and you are also dead in this scenario.

🍰 If you lie and accept his feelings, you won't last long, either. He notices all the slight restless movements around him, your discomfort, the way you look at him. He hates liars, so it's best to be honest and die quickly rather than slowly.

🍰 If you have a strong, twisted friendship and you learn how to talk to him, how to act when he is difficult to interact with, and you just find him with his bouquet of disorders and trauma charming in his own way, then you don't need to say much to him.

🍰 He doesn't know anything about relationships. He can come off as toxic, as his jealousy flies from low to high in a matter of moments. He is still a snappy, angry, insane serial killer, he just now sometimes apologizes if he was too rude to you. More gifts too, woo-hoo!

🍰 He is obsessive, but that also depends on a lot of circumstances. He wants to be around you as much as possible. Just your presence gives him some sort of emotional bliss when his thoughts are a bit less loud than usual. At the same time, his thoughts are chaotic and get under his skin, and he can disappear for some time. Or one of your words can trigger him; he can be violent or distant.

🍰 Dates with him are attempts to replicate what he sees in movies. He watched whatever old VHS he found in abandoned cabins or houses in the woods, so it's pretty vanilla and traditional, dare I say: eating ice cream together, watching movies, slowly dancing to some old music. He uses old pickup lines too if he feels particularly spicy.

🍰 He isn't touchy. He is touchy unless there is a sinister goal in mind or he wants to be annoying. Toby subconsciously associates touch with bullying or violence. You have to teach him to appreciate affection and kindness, and it will take you a lot of time.

🍰 Eventually, with a lot of pain he adjusts to your taction. He likes to sit next to you, shoulder pressed against yours, while resting his head on your shoulder or head, enjoying peace and silence, while you fidget with his fingers, occasionally placing brief kisses on bruises on his hand. He likes small touches. Once he learns what a surprise hug is, he abuses the life out of it. Be prepared to have mini-heart attacks when he screeches into your ear and hugs you from behind while you return from a small grocery trip back home. Other than that, his level of tactility remains the same.

🍰 His mask and goggles are also mental protection for him from the world. You notice that he takes them off when he is around you.

🍰 He is weak for compliments..even if he overthinks, in some instances, becomes angry or sad, whatever mood hits at the moment, but deep down he is squealing. He will hint at that in his own way by trying to compliment you. This is also important as at times he feels paranoid you are plotting something against him, so compliment him when you can.

🍰 Small acts, like maybe washing his bloody clothes or sewing them as they have a lot of holes, makes him intensely love you. He just stares at you, you just think he is probably hallucinating something.

🍰 Movies showed what women truly desire, so he is a gentleman, ..tries to be, so he would bring you flowers that he probably snatched from a nearby garden. Would keep the door for you, all that, his twitching, ticking, can make it unpredictable. If you're slammed by the said door on your side, trust him, he didn't mean it.

🍰 If you see him just lying down and doing nothing for days, don't try to extremely cheer him up or, goodness forbid, say "smile some more." Just be by his side, be patient. He will become cheery again soon.

🍰 He is jealous, he cares about your attention more than ever. So be careful how you act around your friends, family, or strangers if you want them to be at least alive by the morning.

🍰 His mind can be fogged by rage sometimes, so stay out of his way, he isn't in his head when he is like that.

🍰 Oh, if you have an S/O while he is in this state. No more of that S/O, maybe not you either. If anyone dares to flirt with you, no more of that person, either. You can beg Tobs to just end the lesson with a severe beating but good luck with that. He may switch his unstable bloodthirst onto you if you try too hard.

If you reach this, thank you for reading this war and peace, hope this all makes a bit of sense lmao.

[adore-gregor]

my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni

[whitehotforeva]

thinking of peacekeeper coriolanus gently fondling your body whilst you nap against him in the meadow. watching you slowly get needy for him as you eventually wake up, undone at his fingertips. 𓆩♡𓆪

word count : 2,045

warnings : 18 + !!!! somnophilia, non con? fingering (fem receiving), little degradation but also praise <3 and some victim blaming.

a/n : hiii angels, it’s been a while. uni is absolutely killing me and i hate exam season!! it’s so easy for me to write smut yet i cannot do an assignment. anyways, enjoy the filth and i’m sorry if there’s any mistakes. also this is my third fic so it may be blehh and i’m still trying to learn how to work tumblr jsjsjs. anyways hope u all are well, gonna be more active after exam season, my bday is coming up too <3

your boyfriend, the blonde peacekeeper, had the day off so you both had decided to venture through the woods and to the lake, spending the long summers day splashing together in the water as the sun shined down on you both, kissing your skin.

the weather had been getting warmer, the season had changed so you knew before heading out to wear a pretty white sundress so that your skin could breathe for once. district 12 was always so glum, but now that summer was here, it brightened up the place a little.

so after the long day you had with coriolanus, you found yourself resting against his body as you both sat under a tall tree, bathing in the relief of the shade given. it was becoming evening now anyways, the air slightly cooler as a gentle breeze blew through the wind.

his hand rested in your soft hair, gently playing with it as your eyes fluttered. you both breathed calmly in the comfortable silence.

that was one thing you loved about being with him. sometimes all you guys needed was silence. a hundred words could’ve been said from a simple look into his stormy eyes and he would’ve understand fully, silently communicating back. he understood you better than anyone. you had hoped that he felt the same. that he could say that you understood him better than anyone too. you had been dating the peacekeeper for a month now yet a part of you felt like you were missing something. not from him, but in him.

your worries diminished a little each time you saw him. ever since he entered your life, he had taken charge, looking after you so graciously when you needed it. he deciding everything for you. for once in your life, you enjoyed having someone else make the decisions for you. growing up in 12 was always a horrible struggle, and with your mother dying a few years before, everything was even more harder. so despite the little guilt you felt each time coriolanus would buy you your groceries and drop them off at your small home, your heart would warm at the acts of service he committed for you. with him you were looked after. with him, you were safe.

so your eyes fluttered softly as you felt sleep call you. you didn’t want to fight it, so you didn’t let it. you were safer than you had ever been in coriolanus’s arms.

you drifted pretty quickly and soon enough, soft snores left your lips as an amused chuckle left coriolanus’s. he let you rest there for a little while, gently running his hand over your soft shoulder and down your arm whilst you slept.

you were so delicate in this moment. he looked down at your sleeping face, his eyes slightly darkening at the sight of your sunkissed nose and pink cheeks. he let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding in. you looked so easy to ruin..

he had taken you before, only a week after you guys had started dating despite your refusals and worries, he managed to coax you into more relaxed state, whispering sweet reassurances as he took what you could never could get back.

and after it happened, you realised you never wanted it back. you would give it to him over and over if you could. so despite your innocent nature and shyness around him, he brought out something needy in you from the depths of your stomach that you never even knew existed.

his arm wrapped across your waist as his fingertips began to dance along your thigh, moving higher and higher as he gently pulled your sundress up. he felt his pants tighten behind you at the sight of your white cotton panties. he decided to play with your body a little. he slowly pulled your dress up so it was bunched up against your hips as he ran his fingers across your stomach, smirking a little as he saw you squirm slightly. you were always so sensitive there.

“oh baby.”

he breathed out, his other hand tracing patterns on your thigh as he continued to drag his finger down your stomach, placing a soft kiss to the side of your head.

you were always so sweet to him. so sweet for him. so polite and obedient. he felt like you deserved a little reward for being such a good girl. for listening to all his orders. for clumsily reaching up to kiss his face each time there was a frown on it. he had all of his secrets of his past, but one thing he was sure of in his own twisted way, was that he had you.

he’d always have you. no matter what. even if that meant dragging you to the capitol in a cage with him.

he noticed the way your panties grew damp and couldn’t help but touch at the spot, his eyes flickering to your closed ones as you subconsciously squirmed.

“my sensitive little girl.” he murmured as he gently massaged his fingers into your damp panties. he continued this action for a few more minutes as he felt his fingers grow damp and used it as his sign to gently tug down your panties, revealing your bare glistening pussy.

he wanted to lower himself down and devour you. to have your hips buck against him as he would hold them tightly down whilst his tongue circles your clit, pulling out multiple orgasms from you as you’d shriek in pleasure.

he decided he’d do it later. he’d treat you again at home. he was certainly feeling generous today, but he wanted to gently touch you now. to watch the movements of your body change as you delicately laid against him, resting. vulnerable. there was something so intimate about touching your sleeping form. about copying the way you’d sneak your fingers into your panties to play with your most private parts whilst thinking of him. his throbbing bulge gently grinded against your ass.

he had pulled your panties down to your thighs now, just a little above your knees. his fingers resumed their touching as he slowly rubbed at you, letting your juices coat his finger as he watched your body rock slowly, responding to the pleasure that your brain couldn’t exactly comprehend right now. he kissed your shoulder, lowly speaking against it as his lips brushed the skin, “my good girl. my baby.”

as soon as the words were spoken, you whined gently and he chuckled. even in your sleep you subconsciously knew it. you knew your body belonged to him. you knew he owned your pleasure. that he owned you.

he began touching your bundle of nerves at a quicker pace as he placed a sloppy kiss on your shoulder. soft pants left your lips now as your brows scrunched up, your sleeping brain trying to make sense of the sensations shooting through your body. you couldn’t help but just squirm and as his plump lips latched down onto your neck to begin to suck at it, a broken whimper left your lips.

“such a pretty baby. so good for me, even when you sleep. my needy princess. my little slut.”

he drawled those words against your neck as the movements of his cock intensified, grinding into you more as each time you squirmed, you met his bulge. he groaned out softly and watched as your arm stretched out in an attempt to grip onto something. to try to understand the feeling that engulfed you. the hot pleasure that pulled you closer towards something and felt like too much so you needed to reach out for something to steady it. to steady you.

coriolanus held down your arm as he placed desperate kisses along it, his movements on your little clit going faster as higher pitched pants left your lips. that was always an indicator that you were about to cum. he had heard it many times before you’d explode all over his cock.

he breathed out heavily as he continued his sloppy kisses, doing it anywhere he could see.

“fuck. you’re gonna cum for me, huh? cum baby. cum angel.” he spoke into your ear, the deep timbre of his voice echoing faintly in your mind as your hips bucked and a loud moan left your lips, your eyes fluttering open as your high hit you. your soft orbs widened as your back arched against the firm body behind you and a whimper escaped your mouth as you felt a wave of pleasure shoot over your body, carrying the waves of his touch as you squirmed aggressively against the long fingers that were strumming your clit.

you gasped out his name. you gasped it out again. and again. like it was a prayer, like a mantra. your tired yet widened gaze shot to him as your eyes fluttered from the drowsiness and from the euphoria that shot through your veins.

“i-“ you gasped out. you didn’t even know what to say. or what to think. you didn’t understand the situation fully but as you glanced down to look at your boyfriends fingers resting against your bare soaked pussy, a dark blush painted your cheeks, a few shades deeper than your slight sunburn.

he adored the sight and as you looked back up to him, before you knew it, he crashed his lips into yours. broken breaths left your lips as you responded hungrily but needed to pull away sooner. you needed air. from the moment you had woken up, he had ripped it away from you as your orgasm hit.

you felt him grind into you feverishly and his hand roughly grabbed your face to guide you back to his lips, kissing you aggressively as he rut his hips against you, a loud groan leaving his lips as he exploded himself. the entire situation had him going crazy. the way your body was so vulnerable yet responded like a slut to him drove him wild. the way he controlled how you breathed. how he controlled the air for you. how he was the air for you. his own high hit as he sucked and bit on your already swollen lips. you had to forcefully pull away, gasping out loudly for air.

“c-coryo!” you exclaimed in shock of it all. his dark eyes gazed down at you, slightly hazy with pleasure and a hint of power that unnerved you.

“it’s okay baby. you wanted that. i was just giving you what you needed. making you feel good, okay?” his instant reassurance sunk into your skin yet you were still in your little state of shock, having woken up to such an unexpected thing. well, unexpected for you. the confusion on your face had him slowly stroking your cheek as he placed a soft kiss on your noise, parting his lips to explain to you again.

“you needed it, okay? and it felt good, didn’t it? you were so needy baby. so whiny. like a little slut.”

his words had your face warming up even more as you felt slightly embarrassed. you had never done this when you slept. god, what was coriolanus doing to you? he had that much power that he was invading her mind whilst she slept? even when she was unconscious she needed him?

pride swelled in his chest and something tugged at his heart when you shyly looked away, biting down on your lip as you apologised. he instantly shut it down.

“hey. none of that, okay? you needed it princess. and it was my job to give it to you.”

you breathed in shakily before glancing up to him, hesitantly nodding. he was right, right? i mean he didn’t do anything wrong? it felt good for her. good was the wrong word to describe it. it felt incredible as she came undone at his fingertips.

you couldn’t control how you acted whilst you slept right? but he could. he gave you the solution. he was always so sweet. always looking out for you. a shy smile grew on your lips.

“thank you, coryo.” you murmured softly as you watched him grin.

all that ran through his mind was that you needed to fall asleep around him more often.

[osakiharu]

THEY FIND OUT YOU LIKE BEING PRAISED !!

[request]

content : gender neutral reader, fluff, this is sfw don’t get too excited y’all, independent!reader, reader is a uni student in draken’s, reader is independent but also quite self critical at times :(, rindou having blood all over his arms whoopsies, also me having rindou brainrot so i went a little crazy with his... i love him i can’t help it, 

word count : around 500-600 each <3 little scenarios for this one hehe

characters : draken, rindou 

notes : okay hi !! long time no see y’all, college is so so insane rn and m sorry for being so dead T^T this was actually a request but i have deleted it with my old requests in my inbox and i only kept the ones i moved to my drafts whoopsies </3 i hope this isn’t too bad and i hope i haven’t gotten rusty from not writing for a little but yeah have some rindou and draken as my apology <3 thankyou to dee for giving me a little help on this when i was brain dead mwah i luv u <3

˗ˏˋ DRAKEN

draken knew you always preferred to teach yourself things, to stick to your own way of studying, to not have anyone or anything interfere with your routine during exam season. he knows, without fail, you’ll always reject his proposal to help you, but eventually he finds there’s nothing he loves more than to see your cheeks redden at his praise for your work. even if you push him off and tell him to let you continue <3 

“why don’t you let me help, baby? wouldn’t you get it done faster?” he mumbled into your hair before reaching forwards to take your notes from you. “i don’t need help, kenny, ‘m fine! ‘s not about doing it fast, anyways.” of course you were. even if the bags under your eyes and very few hours sleep you had under your belt said otherwise. a kiss was pressed to your cheek before he sat himself down in the chair next to you, resting his head on his crossed arms as he looked up at you. draken decided not to push you for let him help. “how’d y’r exam t’day go? know you were dreadin’ that one.” it’s sweet, you think, the way his eyelids seem to be getting harder to hold open but he’s probably still thinking up a plan to work his way around your stubbornness to get you into bed at a reasonable time. 

“it was fine,” you put your notes down and turned to face him, “i finished with time to spare, too, so i don’t think i did that bad.” of course you did well. you always do, draken thought with a smile. “c’mere.” he nodded his head to the side, signalling for you to sit in his lap. his embrace was comforting, warm, too warm, even, for your tired state couldn’t help but relax into it like you’d been longing to all day. “gettin’ tired, angel?” draken could practically feel you melting into him as he rubbed up and down your back. “mhm… but i gotta finish up, kenny, c’mon.” your attempt at moving back to your original chair was futile as draken pulled you back down into a gentle kiss. 

“hmm… but my baby’s so smart, ain’t ya?” he spoke against your lips, and you couldn’t help the way your cheeks reddened at his comment. “don’t think you need t’do anymore when you’re already doing so good… think ya need to come to bed with me ‘n’ get some sleep, hm?” he could feel your smile against his cheek as he kissed anywhere he could without you shying away from him. draken almost chuckled at your actions. he’d always known you to be an independent person, dealing with everything yourself, and though he was no stranger to your stresses and anxieties, seeing you this flustered was rare to him. fuck, you’re so cute.

“what’s this all about, sweets?” he pinched your cheek between a pointer and thumb, “got somethin’ you wanna tell me?” draken’s grin is wide as you peer down into your lap. you know exactly what he wants you to say, to admit that all you want to hear right now is how good you’re doing, how clever you are, to have your hard work appreciated when you feel like it’s futile and a waste of time. though you shook your head as you met his eyes once again, “shut up.” draken hummed at your response, the chewing of your lip and the remains of your bashful smile gave him the wordless answer he wanted. “c’mon then, smart ass, y’re coming to bed with me,” he patted your thigh as a signal get up, “can’t have my clever little thing over workin’ yourself when you’ve got all those other exams to do, can i?”

˗ˏˋ RINDOU

if there was one thing rindou had learned about you it was that once you start something you want to finish it, and you want to finish it well. you want to finish it yourself, it doesn’t feel the same if someone helps you, you tell him. but he knows you’re only human, so when mikey comes and drops another tower of rindou’s paperwork on your desk when you’re already up to your neck in it and it’s almost two in the morning, it’s not hard for him to notice the cracks in your resilience

“what’re you still doin’ here?” you heard rindou mumble from the doorway of your office. blood covered his knuckles and fingers, under his rings, and trailed up to his forearms in spatters. his hair was tousled and messy, violet eyes sleepier than usual. from where he leaned, he looked frightening. beautiful, but frightning. “‘m finishing paperwork.” rindou raised a brow, almost confused, as he checked the clock. two in the morning? finishing paperwork? you must’ve gone mad; it looked like you’d barely started with the piles mikey had dropped on your desk. “that’s your work, is it?” he spoke from the front of your desk. “hm? oh, no, it’s yours,” you held up the sheet you’d been writing, “i already finished my work, but mikey just asked me to get a bit of yours done while you were gone… didn’t have to do all of it but i may as well since i’ve started it.” sleepy was the smile that rested on your face. so pretty, he thought.

rindou sighed in response to your commitment and strolled over to you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and giving your cheek a quick kiss. “y’know you don’t wanna do all that, baby, c’mon,” kiss, “y’half asleep anyways, let me deal with it tomorrow, kay? need t’rest that pretty head of yours now.” you sighed and slumped backwards into your chair. it’s just work, it’s not even yours, you thought to yourself. you just couldn’t stand having to hand over the responsibility of doing all that work to someone else. you knew that feeling was silly, though, you just couldn’t help it sometimes. the man behind you could already guess the response travelling up your throat, ready to be mumbled out in defeat. rindou pulled away and beckoned you with a finger to stand up, “why don’t you try thinkin’ of the stuff you've already done, hm? come here ‘n’ tell me about it, sweets.” you always appreciated rindou’s attempts at comforting you, despite him never being one to comfort people, only one to help them forget about their current issue. 

you followed him to the couch in your office and laid your tired head in his lap, strong thighs like pillows to you. and although you mostly spoke through a yawn, you told him about the work you did that day. “mhm, good job, baby.” a thumb stroked your cheek before he pulled you up for a quick kiss or two by your jaw. your smile, shy and a little toothy, was felt against his lips as your cheeks reddened under his touch. “such a good little angel f’me, aren’t you? doin’ my work when you don’t need to.” he took note of how warm your cheeks were on the tips of his fingers and pulled away from your face so you could hide your timidity no longer. 

rindou had always had an inkling, even before you were dating, that you enjoyed hearing things like that; having your work appreciated and acknowledged, feeling supported for once. your silly attempts at hiding your smile that never worked. he could tell you’d always been independent, enjoyed being independent, though he also knew that sometimes you wanted to take a break or to not do everything by yourself, to let someone hold your hand for a while. “i didn’t know you could be so shy, i thought you would’a told me to shut up by now.” you looked up at his stupid smirk, knowing he wanted to hear it from you. playful arguing was futile option as any attempt made was to refute rindou’s statement was a failed one. it was worth a shot. you placed your head back on his thighs and your smile said it all, “you like it when i tell you those things don’t you? it’s what you deserve to hear.” 

your grin hadn’t faltered, a sigh passing your lips. “mhm... yeah.” 

rindou knew he was going to tease you about this forever now. he also knew that you’d deny everything every single time <3

reblogs appreciated <33

[ratkingsocks]

Misc. Heart Pirates Head Canons

So, when I'm bored out of my brain at work I've been thinking about my silly little beloveds the Heart Pirates! So here are some thoughts I've had about them and the crew structure! Crew Structure

Not a traditional first mate or incredibly strict hierarchy. I figure Law's authority issues extend to how he runs his crew!

There's four "departments" basically where one of the core-four preside over.

Bepo is in charge of all the helm stuff: navigation, steering, general operations (maintenance of equipment, engineering)

Penguin is in charge of personnel: finances, crew schedules, supplies (clothes, food, yatta yatta)

Shachi is on weapons: armory & procurement of, training the crew, and any like recon they do is planned by him

Law handles all the medical stuff: yearly exams, extensive charts/notes on the crew, any on-going treatments, and the supplies for this specifically goes through him

As captain, Law does oversee/supervise the others if he feels it relevant but after like 13 years he's pretty confident his favorite idiots can handle themselves!

The tang runs on two shifts so someone is always around to keep the sub running in case of emergencies, as such there's often multiple crew members capable of a job (ex chef, helmsman, engineering, nurses)

All the crew knows how to handle alarms, any gauge or sonar readouts, and just generally keep everyone from dying

Most of the crew knows basic triage and first aid

Any Big Decisions (TM) are normally talked over. The crew has a lot of say in most scenarios... One of the few times this was not the case was Law ordering them to Zou when he went to Punk Hazard.

It was an intentional choice on Law & the crew's part that none of them were spotted on jobs and don't have bounties. A lot of the crew's work, especially early on in Law's plotting against Doffy, was gathering information and other covert work. Them being well known or recognizable would've made it impossible for this to get done... It also would've made hiding from Doffy that much harder.

The crew splits proceeds evenly! 50% goes to the Tang's upkeep and supplies, 50% is split equally between everyone else.

Named Crew Jobs

Law- Captain, Doctor

Penguin- Quartermaster

Shachi- Armsmaster

Bepo- Navigator

Jean Bart- Helmsman

Ikkaku- Head Engineer

Uni- Head Nurse

Clion Chef

Hakugan- Helmsman

The unnamed crew I do plan to flesh out eventually, but I haven't made a whole lot of headway in that direction yet... Some day I shall!

Silly HCs

Other than Bepo, everyone is older than Law

Penguin likes to sing

He also has collected rocks & shells from every island they've stopped at to make a living map of their travels.

I personally like to think of Shachi & Peng as some sort of fishman-human hybrid or perhaps a few generations removed from a fishman ancestor? Not super sure on how it works exactly, but I think they both look a lil odd and that's why they hide their eyes and such with hats.

Ikkaku handles Law 2nd best only to the Core 4. She knows when he needs space and when he needs to be pushed pretty well, and so they're pretty close.

Uni loves to sew; it's how he relaxes and passes time while they're underwater for long stretches of time. He is also the person who customizes most of Law's clothes with their jolly roger

Law did said customization before they recruited Uni and still helps, but Uni shoves him off often and says this is his therapy time alone

Clione takes to new members the best

He's also a great fighter and definitely yeeted Shachi into a wall one day; Shachi was delighted with this

He can drink most of the crew under the table

Hakugan is enby! And uses they/them pronouns

They also communicate with sign language, so the entire crew is relatively fluent

Hakugan is never lost; they have a 6th sense for where north is at all times

Much like their namesake, Hakugan is a volatile creature prone to violence

Shachi likes to keep up with psychology journals in his free time, so sometimes he & Law will have a little "medical journal book club" to hang out

Bepo is more an astronomy & weather guy... there was, however, a tragic mix-up with the news coo one time that resulted in Bepo getting an astrology magazine.

He likes to torment Law by teasing him with a well placed "That's so very libra of you, captain."

Law actually likes his coffee absurdly, disgustingly sweet

Penguin, however, takes his coffee black

Shachi & Bepo are 2 of 3 members of the Hearts without a caffeine addiction. Hakugan is the third

Penguin has given up trying to get Law on a schedule... It has never worked in their 13 years sailing together

Law had to implement a "no gambling on the tang" rule shortly after Hakugan joined; They were absolutely taking everyone else's money

Law does, however, actively encourage fleecing marines & rival pirate crews

The crew has picked up some Mink social behaviors! As such they're very physically affectionate... Yes, even Law. Though he tends to contain his affection to when they're in private or on the Polar Tang

It's super common to see the crew swap undershirts, jewelry, or other accessories

Bepo has a collection of his crewmates' shirts! Uni made it into a quilt for him since he can't exactly wear them properly

Everyone else has a "Bepo shirt"

Ikkaku tends to forget she's wearing hers while working on the Tang or to sleep then walks about. Whenever Bepo sees this he gets all flustered & teary-eyed

Law, similarly, wears his to sleep in regularly. He would rather be caught dead than wearing though. That's way too mushy for him.... but if there are days where he's still wearing it when Bepo comes to check on him in the morning, well, nobody has to know but them right?

Shachi & Penguin one time wore their Bepo shirts and attempted to force Bepo into their shirts which... obviously did not fit. Undetered they stitched the two together to the ultimate-bros-shirt. Bepo loves this shirt & wears it regularly.

Shachi & Penguin remake this shirt whenever the old one starts wearing down or falling apart every few years

(I took this one from a fic cuz I thought it was just so good) Between more junior members of the crew, it's a running gag that Law, Shachi, & Penguin are more "lesser mink" than "human" after 13 years with Bepo.

Law finds this absolutely hysterical, Bepo says they're all lesser minks

Law is, in fact, capable of a variety of animal noises such as growling, hissing, or purring. He normally makes this noises on accident when startled or particularly relaxed. He did not intentionally learn to make these noises. He was just an incredibly weird child and like many weird children before and after him, mimicked animals

Shachi & Penguin may or may not make fun of him for this

They may or may not have started the rumor that one of Law's parents was a mink; a rumor that Law has unintentionally perpetuated with his general wet cat behavior

Penguin's family were whalers! He uses a harpoon & is a fantastic fisher as a result

The above makes him Clione's favorite

Penguin often threatens Shachi with the harpoon so he may join his bretheren. Shachi shrieks back that orcas are not whales but dolphins. This is a near weekly song & dance.

Each of the "core four" have a way to show they accept a newbie into the crew!

Shachi carves a little wooden animal

Penguin embroiders their name inside their boiler suits

Bepo trades clothes with them

Law procures a custom mug decorated to their taste

Law normally gives his first, actually. Firstly, if he invited you to his crew he already likes you well enough. Two, he knows he can be an unapproachable dick and sees it as a bit of a peace offering. Three, to show the rest of the crew this new person is approved!

Shachi & Penguin gives theirs whenever they feel the new member has "earned" it. Normally 2nd/3rd in whatever order they deem.

Bepo basically always gives his last. He's a very anxious lil guy and doesn't want to disturb or weird anyone out.

Jean Bart is, ironically, the only crew member to not have concussed himself on the doorways in the Tang

Law had a few problem years after his sudden growth spurt, but it hasn't been a problem since he got used to being taller

After reuniting on Zou there was a crew wide cuddle puddle

Law is surprisingly tactile so long as it's on his terms. A head pat there, brushing his hands against a cheek or shoulder there... That kind of thing

This is generally the best indicator of how much he actually likes you

Law often stims using Bepo's fur or paws. Bepo loves this very much

[laststardust-sayonarajudas]

Someone mentioned about Akai Shuichi being a TA/ Akai being someone from engineering degree.

Yes. 100% Akai must've been from the STEM degree but he does not have to be in the engineering degree to pursue a doctoral degree in Japan. You just have to have a relevant master's degree for doctoral degree. (I am sure by orders of magnitude) because in Japan for you to get into doctoral/ masters studies you have to pass the entrance exam. Yes, they make you sit on an exam that is notoriously harder than PhD qualifying exam (an exam grad students need to pass before them becoming officially a PhD candidate) and then decide if you are worthy for their program or not. So he doesn't really have to come from engineering background. I have a friend who got admitted to Earth Science for their graduate school despite doing Physics for their undergrad and only took one or two geology classes. I know someone from a top Japan univ who had an engineering background and did masters in Physics -- that pure physics.

What you need to apply for doctoral program in Japan is a master degree mostly. That's because doctoral students are expected to do research therefore they are not covering courseworks anymore. Unlike US PhD program where you spend initial 1-2 year to complete courseworks needed for qualification exams and then continue the next 3-5 years researching, Japanese program makes you take that master courses, do 1 year master research, defend your thesis then you can apply for a PhD program.

Also for TA job it is not really a requirement since Japanese students pay for their tuition (except some universities -- but most universities require you to pay for that). Fundings can come from your Principal Investigator (PI) aka the faculty member that you are working for who is willing to make sure that you don't fork your own money to pay for your education or university offering a TAship but it is really optional (in my uni I only know one or two doctorate students who choose this TAship and they still have to pay for tuition).

That's why Gosho can easily make him to be a doctorate student. Afaik (again this depends on universities) doctorate students do not really attend taught classes in Japan. He can easily skip those classes.

[stargazerbibi]

🌷💖 1ST SEMESTER GOALS AND PLANS 💖🌷

a new semester is about to start and with it another fight for survival! xD

from the 1st day of classes to the last possible day of exams, it totals at 145 days. i'll be taking 4 classes specific to my course, 1 required humanities class in another faculty and i'll be redoing 1 class i failed last year.

since the 100 days of productivity challenge worked so well for me last year, i'm going to extend it to fit the whole semester and hope for the best. i think it'll be much harder than it was because the 1st semester is always 1000x more difficult than the 2nd for some reason 😮‍💨 but i don't really have an option at this point soo... yeah

there's a bunch of stuff i'd like to implement and a bunch of stuff i'd like to do so i'm going to begin the juggling act and see what can survive the harshness of my existence at uni :)

🌺💕 GOALS 💕🌺

-> pass all my classes: 6/6 ✅

-> keep my duolingo streak alive ✅

-> learn how to do friendship bracelets and wall-hangings with cute patterns ❌

-> complete my goodreads challenge ✅ + jan books: 27/30 (last book read: The Song of Achilles, by Madeline Miller) ❌

🌊🪩 PLANS 🪩🌊

-> college volleyball tryouts ✅

-> visit orchid market

-> repot my succulent

-> study at a new library ✅

-> see the private art collection at the museum ✅

-> visit dad ✅✅✅

🐚🤍 COUNTERS 🤍🐚

-> all-nighters: 8 (goal: 0)

-> created something: 5 (goal: 👀)

-> hang out with friends: 19 (goal: 14+)

-> A1c: 9.3% (goal: 8.5%)

[brandogenius]

Helloo, I know I havent been so interactive as of recently but uni has me by the throat and I am pretty sure I failed a final even tho I studied so hard for it so not feeling very well.

Would love to see a blurb or headcannons of Julien or the boys in general comforting ya!reader after a tough exam.

-🦝

hi racoon!!! you don’t need to explain to me why you haven’t been interactive! i totally understand! you gotta put yourself first before anything

i hope youre doing very well :( maybe you didn’t. we gotta have some hope. you studied really hard for the final exam and it’ll be worth it!!

don’t stress yourself out my love :(🫶🫶 you did the best and that’s all you can do. i’m sure your grades will be great and you’ll pass that final with flying colours! i believe in you and am proud of you very much!🫶🫶🩷🩷💝💝💝💓💘💖💞💞💖💖💘💗 ily!

if you ever need- my dms are open if you need to talk or ramble :)

‼️RPF‼️

BLURB - julien & younger artist! reader - comforting them through an exam (short)

- ya attending college virtually while touring. taking days off to study while working around being on tour. having to fly back to attend the exam physically. thankfully there was a few days of no shows in between the exam so julien flew back with you

- getting more familiar and comfortable with the boys was good. julien guiding you through the airport. she knew it like the back of her hand.

- staying at your parents house while you’re there. your parents were out for the week while you were there but let them know you and julien would be staying. you going back to your bedroom and julien taking the guest room

- being able to show julien around your small town that evening. getting dinner at your local restaurant before going back to studying in the living room, flashcards scattered around you.

- “probably should call it an early night? your exam starts at like 9am?” julien already starting to collect the cards, shuffling them back into the small folder and trying to lead you to your bedroom. “i’ll wake you up around 7am? i’ll have breakfast made and drop you go college. just ring me when you’re finished i’ll collect you”

- not even sleeping that well / not being able to get enough / a good decent sleep that night. just a lot of stress. you’ve been doing tour dates after your dates. you’re worried. what if you could’ve used that time to study?

- julien sticking to her word. knocking on the bedroom door, pulling the curtains open and waking you up at exactly 7:01am. it was a bit different than on a tour bus, and not having phoebe slamming the bunk curtains open while blasting songs in your ear at 5am but it was better.

- not really a morning person, you get ready and head down to the kitchen where jb is after making some fruit. “we could go get coffee after your exam? should be over by 12? get some lunch and pack. our flight is for 7am tomorrow”

- jb dropping you off to college but you’re hesitant on going. flashcards and study notes gripped FIRMLY in your hands. julien going on her of her little rambles about how this is just one exam. you’re packing the notes into your folder, leaving them on the seat and waving goodbye to julien.

- jb getting that msg to come collect you. she wasn’t expecting to see you crying outside the college. unlocking the door for you and she’s immediately concerned. passing tissues to ya and is like “i’m not gonna drive until you tell me what’s wrong”

- ya being like “i’m pretty sure i just failed that exam-“ and you start to cry harder, unable to get any words out. julien taking off her seatbelt and just hugging you like “no no- kid. that’s not true. you studied so hard for that exam don’t say that”

- young artist sitting there like “no- i got a couple wrong i know it. i’m gonna fail-“ and julien’s like >:((( about to go into the college to shout at the examiner for what? she doesn’t know but she’s gonna anyway

- “it’s just one exam- you’ve been studying for a month kid. you barely talked to me yesterday you were studying! you’re gonna pass it. so what you got a few wrong? you got most of them right huh?” and you’re nodding you’re head like yeah. and jb is like “yeah so i know you’re gonna pass 100%”

- just being comforted by julien made ya feel a little bit better. they never really had anyone to comfort them so it was nice to be comforted by someone they now considered a big sister / big sibling model in their life.

- “sorry for like.. crying into your shirt” “don’t even worry about it kid. how about lunch?”

[stormboundscholar]

Settling into University

Hi everyone, hope you have been doing well! I guess I forgot about this blog the last few weeks, but I wanted to make another post.

Things have been going pretty well lately. Sure the last few weeks weren't fun but everything went according to plan. At least I think so.

In my last post I had went back home from vacation. We were moving to another city 2 weeks after that so we got to work packing up the house. It was a bit hard for me, probably because I'm a bit out of shape. Still, we packed everything up in a week or so, and left my old house. I got a bit emotional, as that was my home for the last 14 years, but I guess I couldn't have stayed forever.

We had hired a moving company, so we left right after them. Our new home is still nice, a bit smaller than the old one but I think It's very pretty. Moving in was a bit harder because of the tighter corridors though, and we had to spend 3-4 days to settle in completely. Again, not very fun but at least going like planned.

I then applied for my Uni's dormitories. I think I was very lucky because I actually got played in one that's 5 minutes of walking away from my faculty! I can't drive a car so even though the dormitories aren't very comfortable (2 bunk beds in a 18 m² room, imagine that!) it should be nice to stay there.

I stayed a bit in there. The food is OK, but it's pretty cheap so I will probably eat in the cafeteria most of the time. The beds are OK, I chose the top bunk because they recommended it online but I'm sadly not used to the ladder yet, so I almost fell! (Twice xD)

Now I'm working on some entrance exams. They want to test our English to see if we can understand the lesson, so they added a couple of tests. I did well on the first one, which was mostly reading with some multiple choice questions, but I have two more. One will be a writing assignment and the other one will be speech, I hope I can do well!

That's all I did for now. Orientation starts next week and lessons the week after that do I'm very excited!! A bit nervous too but I'm sure everything will be alright. Goodbye for now, I wish you guys the best.

[khaleesiofalicante]

A little advice and rant (because for some reason writing things here makes me feel better and hopefully doesn't, in-turn makes your mood somber)

Do you have days when you feel unproductive? What do you do?

This feels embarrassing to admit but I used to be one of those kids who got full marks in school and like the first year in college and now I can feel all that slipping away. I constantly feel like my parents are always disappointed in me. If they call me out, I lash out at them. The fact that I'm writing this is idk humiliating me, but I can't just keep it inside me anymore. Now I feel like I was never smart, I was just really good at faking it and now I'm not? I'm tired of faking it... what scares me is how i have started excepting what I am. It just terrifies me sometimes seeing what I have become. I feel angry when I tell this to a friend and they tell me oh ur smart ul make it and I just wanna scream at them like NO CANT YOU SEE IT IM NOT.

I'm glad you can come talk to me about stuff. I've always liked being someone people can talk to.

I do have days that I feel unproductive, but what you're describing sounds like a phase (for the lack of a better word).

As someone who was also the straight-A student in school, I always felt like school was... easier. College is something that is genuinely difficult in terms of the content we learn, the way we learn, the way we are taught, and our peers too. So, firstly, don't be too hard on yourself if you're struggling in college because it's supposed to be a little difficult.

Secondly, college gets harder every year—quite literally. So I think comparing yourself to your grades (or the amount of energy you had) during your first year to now is unfair to you. We don't have infinite amounts of energy and fucks to give. We do have finite amounts of passion for sure. These things get drained slowly, especially as we grow up. So that's why it's so important to study/work on things we enjoy and are passionate about so it's a little easier for us.

As someone whose self-esteem is very much tied to their intelligence, I understand you deeply. I once had a panic attack (a bad one) in my college bathroom when I found out I got a B in a subject. I remember my mom laughing and being like, "That's it? You're so dramatic," when I felt like I was literally collapsing.

So, I get you. I understand the need to be smart. But what I have moved away from is trying to measure my smartness through my grades. Because guess what? Grades don't fucking matter when you leave school/uni. It's not how we judge ourselves or our abilities. Now once you leave school/uni. It is a ridiculous system, and we mustn't let it make us feel shit about ourselves.

Just because you are not getting the same grades you used to, it doesn't mean you're not smart anymore. You do realize you literally know more than you did 2 or 3 years ago? You know more than you did a month ago? You are literally getting smarter every day. Just because it's not reflected in your grades doesn't mean you're not smart.

The fact that your grades are slipping could be because of so many things. The exam marking styles could have changed, the teachers could've become stricter, the subject might be harder, or maybe you have more difficulty remembering details because you are older and your brain has more things to focus on now. It could be any number of things. These are all things you can work on and improve.

There are lots of ways you can do this. Consider using a new learning style. I was always someone who learned visually, and I experimented with auditory learning in uni and realized voices are actually easier to remember than visuals (especially when I got older and could focus better). You can learn with others. It's okay to think of yourself as smart, but don't ever think you're the smartest person in the room - that shit is bad for you. So if you're struggling, look at the people who are not. Ask them to help. It doesn't make you stupid or small. Asking for help is the smartest thing anyone who wants to survive can do.

These are all things you can do to "get better" and go back to those standards you have set for yourself.

But from my heart, I tell you, don't try to live up to the standards you set for yourself when you were in school. The way you judged yourself in school cannot be the same system you judge yourself as an adult. It's two completely different lives, and trying to live up to those standards will only make you feel shit about yourself.

For what it's worth, I don't think you were faking it before. People don't feel so guilty and bad about losing something they faked. If this is something you want to fix and get back to those old grades, then like I said, try new things and see what works and what doesn't. But if you don't want to try too hard, that's okay too. It's not something to be ashamed about. I think the standards we set for ourselves should be based on our current realities, not our past or our future.

I am sure you will figure this one out and will feel like yourself again. You are smart. I have faith in you. You got this.

PS - Not to condone violence, but it's impossible to feel smart when the people around you make you feel stupid, so I don't blame you for lashing out at your parents. If their lack of support is making things worse, you need to tell them. If they want you to be smart, then they better act like it too.

Love 💜

[goosegoblin]

I am graduating college/university in a couple weeks and I am so scared of everything changing and life becoming dull and lonely and monotonous. My friends who are older have told me it sucks. Would really appreciate any positive words of wisdom or advice or even white lies!!!

hey buddy!!

so i'm not you and you're not me, so i can't 100% promise you anything - the big disclaimer here is that i rather like life being dull AND i did not really like uni lmao, so that might change my stance on things- but holy shit I like not being at uni so much! I like it so much!

i do work and then i'm done with work and i don't have to worry or feel guilty about not revising/ studying! i earn money and then i can spend money on things i want! i have time to figure out who i am and what i like and want without the constant worrying background noise of I Have An Exam Coming Up or I Have To Get This Grade or What Module Do I Pick Next.

i think social things can get a bit harder, but i'm honestly still only close to one person i met at uni (i married him, so that's convenient). the rest of my friends are from work, friends or friends, or similar. i found it way easier to make friends through work than to make them through uni.

when you leave uni/ college you also get a sense of being an adult in a way you didn't before? i think uni is like, a nice transitionary period in that way. you get a lot more freedom but you're also ultimately A Big Kid who can Get In Trouble. you cannot Get In Trouble now. if you don't like your job you can hit da bricks! you don't have to be Grateful For Opportunities or any shit like that- you're an adult, and you are an equal.

as for it getting monotonous, that's kind of totally up to you. i'm not going to act like things like money and location aren't huge huge parts of this- if you have to work long hours to afford rent, it's going to be hard to find the time or motivation to take part in hobbies- but you are also the captain of your own life and now that you are more of an Adult you have more freedom to get weird in any way you want. i am, once again, a very boring person, but since leaving uni i've gotten more into gaming, DM'd a few DnD campaigns, hosted some quiz nights, developed my cooking skills, picked up various hobbies for various durations of time, etc. one of my friends goes salsa dancing weekly and goes to furry cons. another one of my friends loves japan and technology. you can do whatever you want forever.

the change is scary, granted, but change is always scary. that's how we grow, baby!

also my mental health is one trillion times better not being at uni, and the same goes for everyone i've met ngl

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Honest question regarding pap smears hurting: is that a US thing? I'm in Germany and while the exams are not nice they do not hurt (me). And I did and will speak to anyone at uni, work etc about gyno health and contraception. I've heard about discomfort in exams but not pain. That's unfortunately reserved for IUD insertions (which are medicated more here but still not optimal)

There's pressure from the speculum, sometimes a bit like a muscle ache, the spoolie and little scraper on the cervix are present and weird, but not painful.

They are supposed to gather some cells, not scrape you raw. Blood definitely falsifies the results.

hallo anon,

unless there's something very different about how pap smears are conducted in Germany (and there might be! I genuinely don't know!) I'd say it varies more based on individuals than by country. there are people in the US for whom pap smears are totally unremarkable, and I think I can probably safely say that there are also people in Germany for whom pap smears are an absolute shitshow.

obviously everyone's experience is impacted by different factors, but many of the folks I talk to about their bad pap smear experiences here on my blog are dealing with a combination of anxiety, trauma, and difficulty with vaginal penetration, all of which makes the process much harder.

speaking for myself, I can say factually that pap smears are bad for me because penetration in general tends to go badly for me. doesn't matter if it's the context of a medical exam, a tampon, or sex; it Does Not Feel Good when things go in there! and that's with the chillest, kindest gynecologists I can possibly imagine having, who are doing everything in their power to make the experience as comfortable as possible.

I talk a lot on here about how having more comfortable sex is frequently a matter of training your body to be comfortable during sex, and I will just freely say that I haven't put that work into vaginal penetration because it doesn't seem worth the effort just to have a slightly easier pap smear every five years. I'll take a couple seconds of pain and a little spotting, tbh.

tl;dr like all things, especially things related to the wild and unpredictable beast that is The Body, everyone's going to have a different experience and some of those experiences are going to Fucking Suck.

[oswinsdolma]

i've been reading a bunch of modern aus lately, and i've noticed that quite a lot are a bit uncertain about how the british education system works. it's not a problem by any means, but for anyone who wants it, here is a brief explanation:

we don't say "grades", we say "years", e.g. 7th grade would be year 7. we also don't say things like freshman/sophomore/senior etc. it's just the numbers.

however, some primary schools split into infants and juniors, infants being from yR-2 and juniors being y3-6

we also have a national curriculum all throughout compulsory education, which means everyone studies the same thing, more or less. there are discrepancies at GCSE/A-level with different exam boards, but in general, most people take either the same, or very similar exams, and are taught the same skills.

you start primary school when you are four or five in year R, and continue through primary school from years 1-6.

at the end of year six, you take the SATS, which are a really insubstantial national standardised test for english, maths and spag

it is also optional to take an exam called the 11+ at the end of y6. if you pass, you can go to grammar school. these can be state or private, and are basically redundant nowadays, and just used so parents can say that their child passed the 11+ and got into the Smart School. These are usually single gender and low-key cult like, but otherwise, are exactly the same as normal state "comprehensive" schools.

secondary school is from y7-11. at the end of y11, everyone takes the GCSEs (General Certificate of Secondary Education). you have to do english, maths and sciences, plus several other subjects. most people have between 7-13 GCSEs, and if you fail english language or maths, you have to retake until you pass, even into college.

GCSEs are graded on a scale of 9-1, 9 being an equivalent to A** and is the top 1% of the students who got 7+, and 1 being an F/U. the pass mark is a 4.

the grades you get in your GCSEs are kind of irrelevant, except they determine which subjects you can take for A-level.

After secondary school, you have to stay in full time education for another two years (allegedly, though ik a few people who dropped out), and most people do A-levels (Advanced Level Exams). Instead of doing loads of subjects like at GCSE, you pick 3-4 and study them for two years. these are a LOT HARDER than GCSEs.

if you do four a levels, you're kind of a try hard. honestly, if you do it, good for you, but as a cultural thing, so many people who did four a levels were the most insufferable people who only did it to gloat, and then couldn't handle the workload.

oh, also this entire system is pretty much 100% exam based. for 2/3 of my a levels, i had a coursework essay that was pre graded, but it was only worth 20% of my final grade, and those were rare occurrences. at GCSE, unless you do art or something like that, everything is exam based.

A-levels are graded on a scale of A*-E, and then a U if you literally get nothing. which happens more often than you might think.

this is the bit that i see a lot of people get confused about. in the UK, we don't call university "college". college, to us, is where you take your a levels. if it's an independent institution, it's a "college/further education centre". if it's attached to a secondary school, it's called a "sixth form" (because y12 was year six of senior school in the old system).

i'm sorry i'm trying to be as clear as i can but our education system is complex af

your A-level grades determine where you can apply to uni, which you HAVE to do through a system called UCAS.

UCAS (the university and colleges admissions service) is a national system where you put in all your details required to apply for uni. you start it in the june of y12 and send it in by January** IN MOST CASES

to apply for uni, you need to list all your qualifications/details, predicted grades, personal statement essay and teacher references. this all gets submitted by your school.

HOWEVER. if you are applying to medicine, vet, dentistry, oxford or cambridge, the deadline is in october, and you have to submit written work, do multiple assessments and do rounds of interviews in addition to everything else (would not recommend).

you can also apply to conservatoire for music/drama schools, which tend to have their own deadlines and systems because they're not technically universities

okay nearly at the end

the closest thing we have to an Ivy League is the Russell Group, but it's not as prestigious. Russell Group unis tend to be higher ranked, offer niche courses and demand high grade requirements.

Oxford and Cambridge are not normal universities. i CANNOT stress this enough. you apply through ucas, but the courses themselves are unique and highly competitive (the one i applied for had like 10 spaces)(i got rejected lmao). also they are arranged in colleges within the uni, so it's like a collection of tiny unis linked by a larger institution. colleges are not subject specific and most of them have weird cults. if you're writing oxbridge students, google it, not just for accuracy, but because it's absolutely hilarious.

interviews are also more like interrogations. i was reduced to tears on several occasions, and you also have to swear not to reveal the questions you were asked (everyone does it anyway but STILL IT'S WEIRD). for example, one of my interviews, i was given a poem about feet and asked to analyse it on the spot over a blurry zoom screen. they don't ask you about yourself. they don't ask you about school. they just quickfire questions at you for forty minutes and roll their eyes when you take more than a few seconds to answer.

we also don't have majors/minors. you choose one subject that you apply for specifically, and spend 3-7 years studying that subject pretty much exclusively. the only deviations from this might be if you were taking archaeology and took an art history class or something — everything is really closely related.

we can also drink at 18. not that an age limit has ever stopped anyone in the uk from getting drunk. getting pissed in a field is a major pastime for anyone from the ages of 12-28. it's a problem.

instead of having dorms at uni, most people live in flats. there will be like ten people on a corridor with a shared kitchen. you only live in university housing for your first year, unless you are at oxbridge, in which case i think it's mandatory to live in your college for your whole course.

community college and private universities aren't a thing either. when you apply to uni, you apply to student finance (unless your parents are absolutely LOADED and pay for you) and get a loan for your tuition, and also a maintenance loan based on your household income, which is used to pay for rent, food, etc. you cannot be exempt from financial aid but a lot of people do not receive enough, particularly in recent years when the cost of living in the uk has gone up so much.

university is roughly £9-10k per year (depending on where you study) which is a Lot. but why are people in the US paying hundreds of thousands of dollars, are you guys okay???

also, if you're scottish, university in scotland is free. they also have a standard four year systm rather than the three year system in england and wales (idk about ni i didn't apply there). why?? because the english government is absolute shite and they got rid of the state university programme for england (blame the tories)

don't do your research on the student room. just don't. for your own sake.

and a couple more cultural things before we leave off

we all wear uniform until we get to year twelve. everyone. even the four year olds.

Nottingham Trent university is just the butt of so many jokes and I really don't understand why (they're not even the lowest in the league table 😭😭)

Durham is full of Oxbridge rejects who are in denial about it, and is also the butt of a lot of jokes

everything i have mentioned so far is about STATE education. private education runs on different tracks: you have prep schools, which run from yR-8, and senior schools that run from y9-11, and most of them have attached sixth forms. there is a massive cultural and economic divide between state and private school kids, because they get so much more help applying for uni, and also there is so much nepotism in our government. like. politicians wear their old school ties in parliament so they know who to give favours to. it's AWFUL.

some private schools are so fancy they loop back around and are known as "public schools". they're schools like Eton, Harrow, Winchester, Marlborough, etc. really old institutions that basically guarantee you a place at oxbridge because of family legacy (though this has got a lot better over the last decade or so)(but they still have an unfair advantage).

a lot of compulsory education schools are really religious because education in the uk used to be run basically by the church, and the church still own a lot of schools. universities though, even the ones with roots in the church, are atheistic, their religious links symbolic or supplementary to their main purpose.

okay that ended up being way longer than i thought, but i hope someone finds this useful when writing, or at least interesting.

[glamorouspixels]

We've reached the point where I need to ramble about uni again (apologies to everyone seeing this on their dash). I'm working on my BA thesis and getting ready to take the second of two final oral exams that make up the final assessment of my degree. I did the first in early July and it was the worst I've felt since my burnout year. It feels genuinely impossible to survive the second without losing more of myself in the process. I've sacrificed so much for this stupid degree. My life consists of nothing but studying and writing. My attention span has suffered so much that I can no longer read more than a couple of sentences with my eyes and rely on text-to-speech readers for almost everything. Reading fic is so hard even though I desperately want to do it, and I have several-hours-long gaps in my days every single day where I just sort of float through time because I'm too exhausted to make myself focus for another second.

And I just… I can't see myself surviving my Master's degree. It's only ("only") twenty courses compared to the sixty that made up my BA, but ten of them require you to write massive papers, and your final assessment once again consists of two (far bigger) oral exams and a fucking 85-page thesis. The only thing I know for certain is that I need to get out. I can't afford to do both my MA and my PhD abroad, and since the only place I can see myself surviving a full-time job is academia I need to do my MA here before I can leave. You're supposed to do all of the above in two years and it's taken me nine semesters to finish my BA instead of six. I don't want to be stuck here for another three to four years while I suffer through another degree that is so unnecessarily hard compared to degrees at the same level in other countries. I am so fucking tired of this bullshit.

Also, something else I can't really talk about has been happening on the side and making it even harder to push myself through the other stuff the way I normally would. The second anything bad happens, my mind goes to this one specific thing and place I want to go to for comfort, but I can't. It's made things so much harder these past few months. And I keep asking myself if the correct course of action would be to take said thing out of my life entirely because there is so much potential for future pain there and it's almost inevitable that something painful will happen at some point. But I don't want to give up something so incredible that makes me so happy either. Anyway I've been trying to cope by writing fics about it. I hope you guys like extremely comfort-focused hurt/comfort because that's what you'll be getting for the next couple of months 😅

[guide-to-world-domination]

Does anyone else think that Max Patel has a way darker past than ewe are led to believe? Can you honestly and with all certainty tell me that this man isn’t holding onto the memories of a secret life before joining up with the RDA? I think not. While Max is indeed quite a friendly character (My fiancé went as far as to say he has “Brown Dad Energy” - Apparently, I have the same vibes 🤨), he just triggers something in the back of my head that just says “This man is hiding something from his past”

So this post is what I believe this mysterious path to be:

- Born and raised in Yanbu, Saudi Arabia, Max was born to an engineer father and a neuroscientist mother. He quickly developed a passion for science, specifically neuroscience. From the time he was a child to a teenager, he was fascinated -borderline obsessed- with the human brain

- In the background, however, Max’s father was struggling to make ends meet. Don’t get me wrong he had integrity but it was harder and harder to ignore the gangs of thieves that wanted his expertise. You see, Max’s father was the engineer that developed the technology that allows for the Valkyrie to fly. This also means that Max’s father knew enough about the Valkyrie to supply these gangs with the whereabouts of smuggler’s spaces, to stash contraband and the like.

- Eventually, the gangs left Max’s father alone but not before setting there sights on another target. At this point in time, Research about Pandora and the ability Tsayhelu was just reaching the population and by extension, the criminal elements. This made every warlord, cartel leader and triad boss extremely giddy. With the ability to look into the minds of others, so much could be done to further their goals. Blackmail, espionage, interrogation - the list could go on, but these where the main ones.

- The gangs knew that they could lean on a more impressionable Max and get him to assist in developing the technology to make Tsayhelu work for them and their activities. It wasn’t hard - Max was smart but socially stunted, so when a group of peers took interest in him, he leapt at the opportunity.

- Eventually, Max realised that this gang wasn’t actually looking to be his friend. However, by that time it too late. Max had become an expert in Interrogation, combat and had developed the first prototype of the All Seeing Eye (The device used on Spider while captive by the RDA). Max had even made a name for himself as ‘The Dread Doctor’ (I’m sure with something like the All Seeing Eye at your disposal, you can guess why that title was appropriate)

- Soon enough, Max couldn’t handle the amount of deaths caused by his A.S.E. prototype & the amount he has caused on behalf of the gang. At this point in his life, Max had already met Grace Augustine. Grace was looking to headhunt his mother for the mission to Pandora, but she declined citing a need to remain and take care of her family.

- Grace had offered a way out for Max & not long after Max was accepted into University, the RDA shut down the gang and ‘destroyed’ Max’s prototype to prevent it from getting into anyone else’s hands. Within no time Max was away and studying to join Dr Augustine when she would journey to Pandora.

Obviously there is more to talk about with this backstory, but these are the broad strokes and im sure that people who read this have much better ideas to improve this idea. I hope you all liked this because it was a miracle that I remembered to write this, in all honesty. My procrastination has reached all new levels as we come closer to my Uni Exams.

Yours faithfully,

A nursing student with very misplaced priorities in life

[pompeii-the-houseplant]

get to know a mutual better!

thanks for the tag @clairdelilac! finally getting around to doing this :')

LAST SONG: Hallucinations - PVRIS. I only knew Dead Weight by her but spotify autoplay shuffled this one and I might have to go listen to the whole album now

FAVOURITE COLOUR: orange!!!! at some point in my life i bonded with it like a stray cat-- it is the colour of life to me, i associate it very strongly with sunlight. might fuck around and dye my hair it

CURRENTLY WATCHING: started rewatching the fruits basket reboot! most beloved comfort series <3333 if you haven't watched it or read the manga, i know the concept seems a bit off-putting!! but it is SUCH a good exploration of intergenerational trauma and family abuse. the characters are wonderfully complex, the art and the soundtrack of the reboot is superb, highly highly recommend. series of all time. currently watching it w/o subtitles to try and revive my japanese, so im feeling very cool about being able to understand it so far (definitely nothing to do with the fact i know this story better than my own hands)

LAST MOVIE: rewatched kiki's delivery service for the first time in a while. currently got uni burnout so it hit much harder than i anticipated ㅠㅠ

CURRENTLY READING: i've been really bad at reading the past few weeks, but the last books i was reading were Klara and the Sun - Kazuo Ishiguro, and Babel - R.F. Kuang.

SWEET/SAVOURY/SPICY: all three <3 i love my spice, i have a really big sweet tooth tho. i am a terrible chronic snacker; if there is food in front of me, i will be eating it.

LAST THING GOOGLED: "our wives under the sea". friend recommended me a book they finished recently :)

CURRENT OBSESSION: i tend to hyperfixate on music really easily. lately it's been Flora Fauna - Billie Marten, I'm Your Man - Mitski (actually went feral the first time i heard it), and Reputation - Taylor Swift (the eras tour movie awoke something). incredibly excited for the new TAEMIN album. and i've got ATEEZ on the brain, as per usual

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: uni has been taking up most of my time tbh, i've been trying to get back into my old hobbies tho. took a lyra class a few weeks ago just for funsies, and i've got about three creative writing projects bouncing around my brain like a dvd screensaver. once exam period ends i will be unstoppable

i'm tagging: @exhausted-asterism, @raise-me-up-take-me-up, @minmarti, @fireworksgalaxy, @evilautisticsociety