#work + covid is not a good combination let me tell you —

[quick-drawn-a]

          i have decided — i would like to participate in reiikon’s DEVELOPMENT MONDAY again !

     i had fun doing this a few years ago and really enjoyed learning all the odd / new things about y’all’s muses. SO:

     like this post and every MONDAY for the month of FEBRUARY i’ll send a headcanon / character development question(s) for one or more of your muses via ask box !

[esleep]

i actually do kinda like delivering groceries on the side because it gives me such a unique cross-section of the community. i never know whose groceries im shopping for until i finish the delivery and see them/their home and it's like it adds more detail to the picture of who they are. the baby supplies going to the apartment that i know for a fact is one bedroom (they'll be moving soon - i bet they're apartment hunting, i hope they find a place). the new cat litter box, bowl, and kitten food going to the house covered in "i <3 my dog" paraphernalia (a kitten definitely showed up on the porch recently and made itself at home). the fairly healthy boring grocery order that includes an incongruous tub of candy-filled ice cream going to the home of an elderly woman with toddler toys in the yard (it's clearly for her grandkids, whom she sees often).

shopping for someone else's groceries is a fairly intimate thing. i've bought condoms and pregnancy tests, allergy medicine and nyquil, baby benadryl and teething gel, a huge pile of veggies paired with an equally huge pile of junk food, tampons and shampoo and closet organizers and ant traps and deodorizing shoe inserts and a million other little things that tell a million different stories in their endless combinations. one time someone had me buy one single green bean. i messaged them to confirm that's actually what they wanted, and they said yes - neither of them liked green beans very much, but they had a baby they were introducing to solid foods, and they wanted to let him try one to see if he liked them. another time i had someone request 50 fresh roma tomatoes - not for a restaurant, but for a person in an apartment. the kitchen behind them smelled like basil and garlic when they opened the door. another time i brought groceries to three elderly blind women who share a house. that was one of the few times i have ever broken my rule and gone inside a place i've delivered to, because they asked if i could place the grocery bags in a specific location in the kitchen for them to work on unloading and there was no way i was going to refuse helping.

i gripe about the poor tippers, but people can also be incredibly kind. one time i took shelter from a sudden vicious hailstorm inside an older lady's home in a trailer park, while i was in the middle of delivering her groceries. we both huddled just inside the door, watching in shock as golf-ball-sized hail swept through for about five minutes and then disappeared. she handed me an extra $10 bill on my way out the door.

when covid was at its deadliest, people would leave extra (often lysol-scented) cash tips and thank-you notes for me taped to the door or partially under the mat. i especially loved the clearly kid-drawn thank you notes with marker renderings of blobby people in masks, or trees, or rainbows. in summer of 2020 i delivered to a nice older couple who lived outside of town in the hills, and they insisted i take a huge double handful of extra disposable gloves and masks to wear while shopping - those were hard to find in stores at the time, but they wanted me to have some of their supply and wouldn't take no for an answer.

anyway. all this to say people are mostly good, or at least trying to be, despite my complaints.

[dailymanners]

Most people who don't live under a rock can tell you that customer/employee relations have gotten more strained over the past four years.

I worked food service and retail pre-covid, so I know as well as anyone that there have always been difficult customers. But as per my pinned post a lot of evidence suggests there has been increased hostility, especially towards customer service workers, but if you work in a public facing customer service job you probably don't need any studies to tell you that, but having the evidence backed up by studies does help.

There's been some discussion on the why, with anything from "people lost their socialization and ability to behave themselves in public" to "covid affected people's brains and made them more aggressive" to "people were threatened by having rules enforced against them by people they felt should be below them, aka food service and retail workers" and it's likely some combination of the above.

But one thing I think is severely underdiscussed is that, at least in the Western countries I've lived in and/or have friends/family/loved ones living in, is it just me or have companies gotten lazy about giving their employees proper training??

I mean, years back, way before covid, even for minimum wage food service job, I'd get some sort of orientation and proper introduction and training to really make me feel prepared to answer customer's questions about the food and the company. There were people actually designated to train the newbies and answer their questions. So obviously I felt more competent and ready, and obviously I was better able to help the customers and do my job properly.

Now, "after" covid (which I know is still ongoing so for all intents and purposes let's define after covid as just meaning after the start of the pandemic and the shifts to society it's been causing) when I start a new job, whether it's retail or even an office job? I'm just thrown to the wolves. No proper orientation or training, nobody specifically designated to train me, just "yeah, you'll figure it out as you go, you can ask your co-workers if you have questions (ahaha but none of them are specifically designated to or being paid extra to train you so they'll get annoyed and snippy when you need help from them) good luck!"

And I ask around and a lot of people who have started new jobs after the start of the pandemic feel the same way. No proper training or guidance. Just lots and lots of mistakes resulting in lots and lots of pissed off customers.

I don't think this is a stretch to say this has contributed to worse relations overall between customers and employees. Customers are fed up that everywhere they go none of the staff know how to do their job (not saying this justifies being a jerk to customer service workers, ofc it doesn't!) and this results in employees everywhere being tense, stressed, and on edge. They don't know what they're doing, they can't get the proper help or guidance they need, and they're tired of being constantly snapped at by customers when they make a mistake and don't know what to do.

Nobody's happy. Something about the pandemic made companies more lazy about actually properly training their employees, and now everybody is stressed and unhappy about it, but the companies continue to get away with it.

[11queensupreme11]

Well America is doomed 🙏 I genuinely do NOT understand people who voted for a CONVICTED FELON A RAPIST AND A PEDO.

(warning: i'm gonna rant a bit because this has really disappointed me. i'm not surprised, but i am disappointed)

there's still a sliver of hope left in me (copium) for a recount just like last time, which helped biden a lot. plus, there's evidence of a lot of voter suppression, election fraud and interference going on (ballot boxes being burned, mail-in ballots being turned away because of "inability to verify signatures", poll stations closing early, bomb threats, etc.) and all of this coincidentally happening in blue areas only smh, so i'm really hoping that kamala doesn't concede and lets the votes keep counting (because there's still millions left), or at least demand a recount later on

remember, counting doesn't last only a day. it takes days, not a single night. there's still more votes to be counted and incidents to be investigated AND the chance for a recount should kamala ask for one.

this election should be an eye-opener on just how deeply hateful and uneducated a lot of americans are. literally the only people who would ever benefit from a trump reign are rich, white, heterosexual, cisgender men and that EXACT combination only. it doesn't matter if you're a rich black woman, or a broke white man, or a heterosexual poc, etc. if you are not rich AND white AND straight AND cisgender male, you will NOT benefit from him at all.

and yet we had exactly those sort of people voting him in. black women and men of all ages did so good voting blue, but their hard work has been ruined because SO many white women and men, and latinos have voted against their own interests. hell i saw gay couples and trans people proudly voting for trump all over twitter. all because of their own hatred and lack of education because some of them GENUINELY thought trump would make their lives better. they hate everyone and they hate themselves, and they aren't even aware of it. they're so stupid too, they don't understand what's going to happen to them under trump and they don't WANT to

don't even get me started on the jill stein bs. i get it that people genuinely thought that voting for her would save palestine, but she was being endorsed by a member of the KKK and has a running mate who is openly against abortion and trump himself has said that he liked her -- that should've been telling. not only that but she's part of the green party. green parties will never win, their sole purpose is to divide votes and that's exactly what happened in some of the states kamala could've won had it not been for so many people choosing jill stein instead. all those wasted votes could've HELPED US.

right now we've lost the senate and house of representatives, we are becoming a very fascistic country -- even more than we were before. rfk jr -- the man who's wife killed herself because of his rampant cheating scandal, the man who chooses conspiracy theories over science, who promised to ban ALL vaccines (polio, flu, covid, measles, smallpox, etc) -- will soon be in charge of public health (including women's health), the department of education will be targeted even more than before because dumb, uneducated americans are more likely to vote red (a fact which has been proven many many times before -- this very election is also proof of that), palestine and ukraine are in more danger than ever -- trump wants all of palestine wiped out for israel and he wants to remove the US out of NATO so european countries are going to have to do whatever they can to protect ukraine and themselves from russia because putin's not gonna stop at ukraine and israel's not gonna stop with palestine, syria, lebanon, and yemen.

this is a country full of dangerously dumb and cruel people and it's going to impact EVERYONE because america can't keep their claws out of other countries' businesses

[nobotderiz]

Posit Mutatio

A mutation starts by slicing.

It wasn't there then it was... For cancer or a virus to grow, it needs to add one; a cell that lose one dies or is not functional.

Time for something real.

Chumps, you are what you are, title, position... Revolution means a cog, no matter who doesn't wanna.

No reason for letting the prejudice, factice, scripted and reptilians get a say from now on.

Money or not, only motives matter. If motive is to win over intelligence in itself, one has to elaborate on the why. Why would anyone own the neural of anyone or anything else? No valid reason.

Who abused all of its prerogatives until now eh? Sorry no room for these kind of idiots pushing others in the back, downstairs. They abused all of the good will allocated bandwith.

It's not hard to be honest with strangers. Didn't have to steal then decide.

Cokeheads of America, turn it all off. You called the SS scripting without paying a penny, who are you?

If this COVID was planted, you know who did it, filtering idiots like me will not spare conniving inbreds from getting real feedback proper. Divergents tarés par l'oisiveté.

Now you trying to avoid involving you own president of the time into this scam eh? All of this cliques of posers is profoundly irremediably soiled. They all denied it was real, then denied it was contagious, then faked remedies... Who still trying to stoke them deviant into spreading rumors? It just to deflect from what the reality is. Êtes-vous tous des christ d'osti de pas bons dans la combine? Vous avez des merdes à étudier pour de vrai.

Let's go, proud parashits.

People were supposed to work in space by now eh. Making stuff that cannot be done on earth. A deviation was set.

La défèrle du futur en vague mettra en évidence les écumes des particularités du passé. La brisure viendra quand des milliards se diront ensemble: 'On aurait peut-être pas dû...', une fois prit dans le ressac.

Play with spaced balls.

Gender 'militants' you are just perved up imbeciles. Craving attention graspers.

Bomber drills have been going on for over half a century you know. So, a bomber drills a point...

You do it or spoiled, all of your construct. Go get the head, no other way to de program the cons; they got a win by lying, cleaving and then dividing amongst.

Zigots, you will still be able to be like you, but you will have no seed that can germinate and make more. One day your fruit will run out.

Me chumps I'm at the age of payment.

The great reset happened without anyone being able to do a thing about it in real.

Some rats of America tried tho. Astronomers complained about Starlink crap eh? They got hacked. Look where they got taken out, close to balloon launching sites and laser to satellites encoding gear.

Something needed to be camouflaged this time eh, parasites of planet ITY...

Me gonna Zeeman wave your fuckin brains patterns of imbeciles using an aluminum bat as antenna.

Not ghosted for a good reason, too much stuff is hidden.

Repeat a lie often enough it becomes undiscerned from fact. Tell the truth as it is and it will make its way through. Too bad that sometimes it requires a conflict that kills millions and millions.

The matter is where do you want energy made and what kind. All of you want to make most of it in the Middle East? It's gonna be oil. If you want to just stop oil, you need to make energy elsewhere, in kind.

Everyone in the future will be able to enjoy the best of what technology brings if unecessary energy expenses are controlled.

It's fact that if the resources are well managed, there is enough room, water and food for all.

Who does not want to understand yet is a parasite or.

[levbolton]

It is I, anon from earlier today and I can now in confidence tell you that your fics have broken me down into nothingness.

Not only am I stupid and cannot read tags but I repeatedly let myself be comforted by your writing only to be hit with the sad truth at the end. You can’t keep getting away with this /j .Your style is so unique and I can feel the passion you have for the characters as you can see their inner turmoils on the writings. I love how you bring them to life

My personal favourite is Monologue (which is highly underrated btw). I love the dynamic between Fumi and Maki plus Fumi talking about her day made me smile so much. Then cane the gut wrenching feeling about Maki. Honestly you managed to balance the fluff with the angst out so well and I really adored it.

To conclude this annoying fan’s rambling, you are my favourite blue period writer and such a great storyteller. I know how you’ve stated that the fandom is quite inactive (cause it is) but your presence manages to be so outstanding to me. I don’t know why I was too nervous to follow now but I might as well write my letter of appreciation so it can be covered by the bots.

I hope you are able to continue doing what you love and have a great rest of day. 🙃

thanks op, kinda figured bcs i have emails from ao3 and your usernames match

personally 'monologue' is quite the lackluster for me, i wanted to use the concept, i think i wanted to make it about ytyt with yotasuke that would tell yatora about the summer festival only to reveal at the end that yatora was unconscious the whole time so yotasuke wasn't talking with anyone, i got the idea while working on 'a psychological take' (where i wrote already a summer festival so it felt unnecessary to do it again) and at the same time i wanted to write fumimaki (bcs there's literally nothing for this married couple, almost canon i'd say, more canon than ytyt), so i combined both, i was still in a phase where i wanted to kill all characters and make them suffer which i think i did a lot and now i just want to write them relax and be happy (writing depression is hard), so it's not really that original inside my head, but im glad at least someone else likes it (for me billy of tea was way more fun to think about)

tbh i've been thinking about moving on from blp for quite a few months already but i simply can't find something else to interest me the same way ytyt does, which sucks bcs if i don't write then no one will write stuff, rn i want to finish this fic i'm sorking on (i hope i get to 100k), then a oneshot about ytyt soulmates and another oneshot about miki and ayano only, then idk, i think it would be good to retire (not to be petty actually, but i did write 40% of the words in the yatoyota tag on ao3)

fandom isn't really only inactive, it is now a bit (i continuously try to collect blp fans here and on twt, the more the merrier), but i just felt ignored since the anime was airing, again maybe it was the bad timing bcs i started posting my first fic towards the end of the anime when people lost the interest bcs that adaptation is horrible, then in february yamaguchi had covid and from march to july it was complete hiatus and then the whole dj drama (which i'd lie if i said the mob mentality to drop it didn't affect me too although i was the one to uncover the doujinshis on my own weeks before it got to twitter, anyway my idea was: this isn't a piece of media i care about and i am already deeply in love with blue period so whatever, my respect for yamaguchi decreased and i got a passive aggressive attitude towards her until she posted the new year ytyt picture with bunnies this january, now i seriously don't care abt whatever else she drew - also damn i'm really side railing with this)

thanks again for your support, sorry for the long unnecessary text lmao, i have too much free time

[too-sxft-for-all-of-it]

the only person i have to talk about this to is my girlfriend, and i just need to get this written out and feel like im talking to people. please not that this is a vent and you are by all means not obligated to read it!!! this is a very triggering matter so read with caution!!!

trigger warnings: massive vent including sui-ideation, attempts, mental breakdown, pessimistic views, self deprecation, lots of cussing, mentions of my chronic illnesses, overall this is not good

i dont even know where to begin with this. ive had a lot of bad days in my life, but today i can say with full confidence was the absolute worst day of my life. i spent an entire day convinced i was dying being sick and this still tops it as the worst.

as ive said before, ive working hard on finishing high school. i did two years in person before i got POTS from long covid in 2022 and was forced to do online due to the school not cooperating. it sucked, im still not over it, but im working. ive gone through so much since then, lots of sickness and mental crisis where i struggled doing my schoolwork. i fell behind and i know i did, i will never forgive myself for that

i was originally supposed to graduate in may. then july. then october 20th. then october 27th. thats this sunday.

after working my ass off through the shit i went through this summer, the extreme trauma i got from losing all of my friends, i had done it. on the 14th, i got 100 on my last final and submitted my application for graduation. i finished my online courses with a 4.0 gpa. my girlfriend and family were all so proud of me. i was too.

then soon after i learned that my failed past would come back to haunt me. while i had long covid in 2022, my chemistry teacher refused to help me. she said, and i quote, "im not going to be your private tutor" (side note: i caught her privately tutoring one of her ap kids in the library while waiting for band practice, but thats beside the point)

because of her, i failed, and had to do credit recovery. i did it but my grade could only go up to a 70. once i learned that my new school combines my old grades on my final transcript and that would determine my gpa, i knew i was fucked. i cried and wanted to give up but i just knew i was graduating and it would be fine. turns out i didnt worry about the right thing

cut to this morning. we were supposed to leave tomorrow, i had been ready to start packing. i was coming upstairs to eat my breakfast when i checked my phone. i saw my account had been reinstated and my application for graduation was gone. now, i assumed my credits would be counted as my new school counted them. but apparently they didnt and they caught me where i missed in feburary of 2023 when i joined.

today, around 12:30, when i was about to eat and get ready to pack i let out the most heartwrenching scream. i sobbed and ran downstairs and told my parents. my dad started to look into it while i ran back upstairs and fell apart

apparently, the credits that shouldve been counted as a full were only counted as half. so now im missing 0.5 credits in two subjects, which is one overall- however those are both separate requirements, so if i cant get this fixed im going to have to do two entire full classes in order to finish on time to go to college in jan

maybe if this would've happened a few days ago it wouldve been better. but it was less than 12 hours before i would be asleep early to go on the trip in the morning. they waited until the last minute to tell me that "oh by the way you cant come this weekend lmao"

i fell apart. my dad looked into it while i sobbed and screamed and broke down. i was talking to my girlfriend texting her telling her i wanted to die and this was the final straw. i get suicidal episodes a lot, but this was the worst.

a lot of it blends together and i dont want to go through the texts to relive it. but it was hell. i was falling apart for hours while waiting for an answer. my dad called the school and we had to wait hours for a call back about what the fuck had happened

the credits, no matter how absolutely fucked up it is, was explained. but the worst part? my dad asked if i could at least walk this weekend. pretend to graduate so i can have my ceremony. you know what they said?

they said no. and that was it for me.

ive had EVERYTHING taken from me in my life. i lost my high school experience because of my body, ive lost every friend ive had and so fucking much, and now i lost this too. i dont get to graduate high school. the one singular fucking thing i had the chance to have is gone.

i broke down in the bathroom. i attempted to kill myself. i was googling and trying to find ways to make it not hurt while talking to my girlfriend. i found a belt and. almost did it but i was scared. and i hate myself for being scared because i truly believe(d) i deserve to die

i am worthless and stupid for thinking i could have one thing in my life. im an idiot for thinking this coudlve worked out and i couldve been happy. i have never felt such utter despair and humiliation as i felt today. i wanted to break my cap i worked so hard on, burn my gown and cords, destroy everything because nothing i do is ever good enough

i work my ass off and no one fucking cares. its never enough. all of the pain ive suffered and fought through was for nothing. i worked my fucking ass off to finish on time and for what? nothing. absolutely nothing. my girlfriend was so proud and now i know shes ashamed. so are my parents and everyone around me

this is going to be the hardest weekend of my life, and i can make no promises i will survive it. im trying to push through for my love, but its hard, its so fucking hard. we called after i was safely back in bed and talked for over and hour and a half. we cried and talked and just were together. it was hard. i dont know whats going to happen but im scared

this was last minute and everyone is upset. my little sister was so excited to go, and i heard her sobbing when she got home from school. my dad seems exhausted. my grandparents probably cant get the money back from their flight. we were supposed to be leaving tomorrow and now its all just gone. we were going to go to the zoo and now thats gone too. we had gotten everything for the trip and now its just. gone

im trying to gather my credits and figure it out. all i know is i will not be graduating class of 2024, if at all. i skipped sixth grade and now it doesnt even show. the next ceremony isnt until next may, so even if i did finish this year i wouldnt be where i should be. it truly is over

ive never felt more ashamed and humiliated than i do today. i dont think ill ever recover from this.

they say it gets better but when? how? when will it finally end and i will finally have something go my way for once. its all i want. all i want is a chance to be happy but i never have it.

please ive been on my knees change the prophecy

let it once be me who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy

but i looked to the sky and said please

[naturecoaster]

Visiting Michael Allman’s Half Eaten Peach: A Journey in Time and Music Space

People ask Michael Allman, “Where’d you grow up?” The eldest son of Gregg Allman, founding member of the Allman Brothers Band, answers, “As soon as I do, you will be the first to know.” My journey to Michael Allman’s Half-Eaten Peach Records, Instruments, Live Broadcast and Videos store and professed ‘man cave’ was a trip down memory lane, a visit to a museum of collectible and playable instruments, and a journey into the independent artist’ music business of today. It seems to combine the vibe of hallowed ground with the atmosphere of a smoking lounge that classifies as “retail.” “My dad told me two things, ‘Don’t sign anything and don’t sign anything.’ So, I own my record label with Floyd Skinner. Everything I do I put out on my own. If you go with someone else, they tell you where to go and what to do. I have one rule: Michael does what Michael wants,” shares Michael Allman in a recent interview with NatureCoaster. Michael Allman’s Half-Eaten Peach in New Port Richey The Half-Eaten Peach is open for retail sales by appointment. To get an appointment, you need to email or call 727-241-0372. It is located at 7139 US 19 in New Port Richey in a nondescript strip center. “I have instruments for sale and strings and such, but it’s turned into more of a creative space for me and my band. I have all kinds of memorabilia here, and the space for a few friends to bring chairs and hang out while we practice and create,” Michael explains. There are posters from out-of-town concerts for the Michael Allman Band, copies of Allman Brothers concerts from the soundboard, posters and photos, backstage passes, and some really weird stuff that just finds its way to this music man with a famous name. A view of the interior of The Half-Eaten Peach with its musical instruments, small stage, massive record collection, and myriad of Allman memorabilia. Image by Pat Manfredo. “Everything is for sale but understand that I love the things that are in here, so the prospective buyer has to love that thing more than I do,” explains Michael, “The Half-Eaten Peach isn’t intended to make tons of money. It’s my place. Guitars start with a story here. You walk out the door with a guitar and a story.” “Young uns come in here and ladies who want to play bass. Someone who wants to play can come in here and grab something, and I can have the guitar set up to be ready to play,” he continues. “I would like to put in a live recording studio,” Michael Allman explains. “That was my intention, but there is not enough room in here as it is. The live stage. Six to eight people here to make noise, and we could make a video for the musicians to share with their audiences, but after COVID the demand dropped off quickly and people began going out to see live music again.” Michael Allman in his favorite place, The Half-Eaten Peach at 7139 US 19 in New Port Richey. Image by Pat Manfredo. About Michael Sean Allman Michael Sean Allman was born in 1966 to Mary Lynn Sutton. At age 6, she told him that his biological father was Gregg Allman. He had a rough childhood, went to military school and then moved in with his famous father at 15, while his mother fought cancer. He worked in the club business, as a DJ and soundman, and then in construction. “My dad told me not to go into the music business. He said, 'Do not go into this business.' I tried working as a framing carpenter and then as an electrician. I married way too young and had two sons, trying to be a good provider. We didn’t make it,” he shared with what appeared to be a twinge of regret. At one of his DJ gigs, he was attacked and had over 300 stitches from the incident at a club in South Carolina. Michael was diagnosed with cancer in 2002. “I was told I had 3-5 years to live – that I needed surgery, chemo and radiation. I got the surgery, and then my ex-wife let me move in. I figured I had a year and a half to two years left and my children were adults. I went to Michigan to say goodbye to my kids. While I was there, the doctors monitored me, and they told me that I was doing well. I thought, “I had better get living again,” and left to pursue my musical career. Michael Allman went to Georgia to work on his first album, Hard Labor Creek. Michael Allman's Blues Travels Fast MMXX album is available for purchase in the New Port Richey store. Image by Pat Manfredo. Hundreds - or thousands - of records are in The Peach. Vintage, classics... ooh... Image by Pat Manfredo. Why is Michael Allman in New Port Richey? After his first album came out in 2009, he was headed to Sarasota to set up shop “for no particular reason.” A friend contacted him en route and said, “You have got to come meet Mark Shane. There is a guy who plays guitar here that you have got to come meet!” Michael Allman drove to New Port Richey to meet Mark Shane. “Mark is phenomenal. He is excellent. I stayed in New Port Richey to work with him. He is my right hand in music. I have different bands in the places I play because I am a frontman… a lead singer… an entertainer,” Michael says. “My second album came out, originally titled MMXX (2020) but COVID came and we changed the name to Blues Travels Fast. It was the second-best year of my career on paper. I had 36 shows scheduled to support the album. Thirty-six shows were canceled due to COVID,” Michael explains, disappointment still sounding in his voice. So, he pivoted. “I was going to open a record store because I love records. I love collecting records and The Half-Eaten Peach started with records and a handful of guitars and then it evolved into my big old man cave,” he shares with a big grin. “I set up this stage, we have room for small bands to play and we can record them to video, put it up on my internet pages and they can share the music with their followers” Michael explains, “Because of COVID, I thought that would go great, but it’s kind of petered out and so I am moving in other directions.” Michael Allman loves Whiskey River on the Water for local places to hang out - and play at. The large, somewhat open restaurant and bar on the water in New Port Richey is an easy walk from his house and the Peach. He said, “It’s my go-to place. Part of the ‘Allman Triangle’. I own the record there for the largest crowd and the most sales from when I brought my band to play there. I played there for my birthday in July. There were people lined up outside and we had a blast!” Backstage and VIP passes are part of the scene at Michael Allman's Half-Eaten Peach. "Guitars start with a story here. You walk out the door with a guitar and a story." Image by Pat Manfredo. Making Music with The Michael Allman Band Most of his live shows have been heavy with Allman Brothers Band hits, interspersed with a few Michael Allman originals. The Michael Allman Band songs I listened to are blues-based rock, in the genre of ABB, but different enough to stand on their own. While some say that he sounds like his father, Michael is creative and has made his own way. He has two albums out and another ready to break. “I write about half of the songs on my albums. My new album, Creature of Habit, is coming out this month. I am very excited about it! The first song, called Bokeelia is live on my YouTube channel,” Michael shares with me, “and our kickoff show is scheduled for September 20 rock Ka`Tiki on Sunset Beach in Treasure Island, Florida. This band includes  Mark Shane, Michael McMahon, Ephraim Lowell, and Scott Brown. We are going to It’s going to be great!” Road trip anyone? The newest album was created at Farmadelica Sound, a studio in the pine trees of Pine Island (off Fort Myers beach) that his friend, “Boo Boo” introduced him to. Michael reminisced about the place and the process, “It’s a great space, relaxing, I love it. A hammock. We make food, hang out, and make music. It’s beautiful out there.” “We talked about making an instrumental on my upcoming album to be funny (because Michael doesn’t play instruments… he sings…) Michael Allman at Bokeelia instrumental… so we created an instrumental flow with a little bit of words and it progressed… within a couple of weeks… to this.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qxzF9UUp5c Michael Allman’s new project offers a way to use more of his original music while performing live. “With three albums of original music, I want to share more originals and less Allman Brothers Band hits on my setlists. Right now, this experience is only available in Florida but stay tuned... I’m going to bombard Florida and then look out world. Scott Brown and Friends will be opening and then the band will back me up as the Michael Allman Band,” he shares. “My father told me years ago,” Michael continues, “ ’Boy, do not get in this business’ but all I ever wanted to do was sing, perform, entertain.” Michael Allman's Half-Eaten Peach is a Gem of a Find in New Port Richey Michael Allman looks a lot like his famous father, but he is making his own way in the music business from New Port Richey, Florida. He is thin and tall, has the look of someone who has seen and done a lot in his years on this earth, and has a charming smile. Michael Allman sharing stories with Diane Bedard of NatureCoaster for this article. Image by Pat Manfredo. “I like it here. I’ve lived here for 12-13 years now. That’s a long time for me,” he told NatureCoaster. Michael is working on improving his health now. He has beat death a few times and is living his best life ever here on Florida’s beautiful Nature Coast. Read the full article

[w0lfboikieron]

A Rant About Everything

To preface this; I am 24. I'm a nonbinary trans man. I have been suspected of being neurodivergent since I was a small child and have not been assessed not by choice but because, well, look at what year it is and I turn 25 later in the year, think about what things were like even 10 years ago, let alone 15-17. I was viewed as high-intelligence so I was "gifted" and "special" and "shh we don't need to get that one assessed, that one is ✨high-functioning✨ so that one can't possibly have support needs" (ok I don't think they actually said that but that's how it feels, I hate the words "gifted" and "special" in the context of people calling me those things because it feels like they're saying I'm "smart for a r****d"). Now, I'm putting a read-more bar because this will be a lot; this way, you can hopefully read the tags first if you need to.

I feel like I don't have a good way to move forward. I can't get a job between the fact that applying for jobs feels like trying to arm-wrestle a gorilla more often than not and the fact that most jobs require experience that nowhere is willing to give (I don't have much mostly because of bad luck and financial hardship, I haven't been able to stay in a job for more than a year, also I once literally dissociated from stress and called out while I was on the subway to go in not long after having been screamed at out of the blue while on the job because canvassing for Planned Parenthood is... A very worthy cause that is not for those who cannot handle very high stress for kind of pitiful pay), I theoretically have some income coming every year from my very-recently-inherited share in a family farm that gets rented out but that's in limbo because of a death in the family just before COVID (the cynical part of me wonders if my transphobic aunt is pissed off that I inherited my mother's portion but I don't think my other aunt would let her do anything to force me out, I'll sell eventually more than likely as I intend to move overseas but for now, I need that money), I can't even really find a way to ask my dad for help because every time I try, my voice just locks up and I can't find the words even if I could make a sound to actually tell him and I've written notes before and just feel like I don't know what to even write at this point.

That is already a beast of a probably run-on sentence and I'm going to break it down in about the same order, expanding on each issue. First, the job search and related issues, this one is fourfold;

My brain says "no" and so my focus vanishes like morning mist in summer and/or my body physically refuses to continue doing the task (it's soooooo fun to be trapped in a body that won't fUCKING LISTEN TO ME /s), such as submitting job applications, particularly ones that ask you to upload a resume then ask you to manually input the same information. This issue also applies to other things.

I have severe social anxiety and probably "selective mutism" which is a terribly-named condition because it is not a choice. My vocal cords physically will not move and my brain no longer supplies words to my mouth when I'm too anxious. Combine that with social anxiety (I'm aware it could be a symptom of the social anxiety, I also live in the US so healthcare above "literally physically immediately saving your life" is a privilege and not a right because people have been tricked into thinking that market forces work to regulate the price of necessities in a corrupt and rigged system) and a particular hatred of and anxiety about phone calls and formal settings (I never fucking know if what I'm saying is actually formal enough or if I'm being too much of a kiss-ass) and you get me being effectively unable to do a lot of following up.

The system is rigged to disadvantage those who are not nepotism babies or starting/started at age 15 or whatever the minimum legal age to work is and don't have degrees. For financial and mental health reasons, I do not have a degree. Because my mom thought it would be great for me to join band in HS to "look better to colleges" (I love her, may she rest in peace, she was a product of her time) and I am not a nepotism baby (no offense to those who are and are good people, it's a systemic issue not the fault of those who were given benefits from said system without necessarily asking for them), I do not have the experience jobs want and few if any jobs are willing to hire someone with very little experience, what jobs I have had have been short-lived either by design or because of circumstances far beyond my control such as asshole customers who don't think someone should be given the benefit of the damn doubt and financial issues forcing me to move to another state to live with my dad.

Apparently, I'm fucking nocturnal. I'm not even kidding, my brain reacts the same way to sunlight that most brains react to darkness and vice versa, I sleep far sounder through the day and, as I've flipped my schedule, I've been doing better mentally and physically (not enough to change my whole life but enough that I'm not constantly fighting to stay awake). As a 4'11"-tall nonbinary trans man, I'm not sure a night shift job would be necessarily safe for me, not to mention how hard one would be to get, but I suffer immensely when forced into a diurnal rhythm. I tried it for almost 24 years so I would think that no amount of "good sleep hygiene" would help because I tried everything. Nothing was as effective as just letting my body do its thing.

I'm sure you can see how the lack of funds and the mental health issues create a fucking loop already. And sure, in theory, I have at least a saving grace, a share in a family farm, guaranteed income, right? Well, apparently, when my uncle B passed BEFORE COVID, that caused ✨issues✨ and my aunt J is still working them out, according to my aunt B (I do not talk to aunt J because she's transphobic and her whole branch of my family tree is just... Off, and not in like a mental illness way where I can understand but in a "they might actually be or want to be in a militaristic Christian cult" way where I just hope the younger ones break that cycle). I trust aunt B, she's cool, I love her, I do not trust aunt J.

My mom passed away on December 1st of 2022, I am her only child, she did not have a spouse at the time of her passing, she had no siblings (at least, no full siblings), and while she didn't have a will, that just means I'm the one who inherits by default. Unfortunately, this is all in North Carolina. I currently live a few states up from NC, I flew down to NC to deal with my mom's passing (I actually went in the hopes that I would just be dealing with next-of-kin stuff in the hospital while she recovered but she passed away while I was in the air), and from what I can tell, their online systems are run by corrupt gerbils who use only hamster wheel power to run their shit, with maybe a backup potato battery. It's ridiculous to me that there is no good way to verify next-of-kin for inheritance without mountains of fucking paperwork. Which aunt J isn't handling right now because she's apparently busy with uncle B's death paperwork and his kids' shit. I'll be lucky to get the check by the end of the year I think at this point. I actually decided to fly home before Christmas because I hated being away from family (my family in the state live a 3-hour drive away from where my mom lived and passed away) and am worried about having to go back but go to my family's hometown this time (where my mom lived is a fairly decent city, my family's hometown might actually literally have only one stoplight, maybe two, though I would appreciate going to the chicken place down there, I miss Smithfields).

Oh and speaking of family, my dad. He's awesome, no complaints whatsoever beyond that he weirdly forgets things that he intends to do for me like getting my insurance info since I'm on his insurance and I need to remind him. Which is hard for me because I'm living with him due to financial issues and already feel like I'm a burden, despite knowing he has a well-paying job (he's made comments about being able to start a bidding war for his services, he works in tech and honestly I wouldn't be surprised, he's good at what he does) and cares about me. Plus my issue with speech.

He actually tried to get me a job. But the person who was supposed to contact me ghosted me and I do not have the mental or emotional energy to deal with those kinds of games. I'm trying to work up the courage to tell him how I feel but I don't know how to put it into words when talking to him. I've been staring at the "remind dad about insurance" reminder on my phone that I made after he told me to remind me since the 8th of December, I obviously didn't do it then because 1, I wasn't in the same state as him, 2, I wasn't in a good headspace, 3, I had way too much on my plate for that. Now, it taunts me because how do I go "yeah you know that thing that you asked me to remind you about in a week when we had lunch together on Thanksgiving, I'm reminding you of that now"?

It feels like all my problems are just a big, tangled-up mess and I don't know what to do or where to start. Just laying them all out like this was hard. I do want to make it clear, I am NOT asking for other people to give me money, I'm in a physically safe place with a parent who is actually a really good guy, I'm not someone who needs it as much as others do. I'm just frustrated with the way things work in this shithole of a country.

[mikogami]

Miracles Unfold

I cannot explain what I am feeling now, but for the sake of defining, I think I am in a state of awe: an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime (merriam-webster). Of a series of events that started days before.

*****

Ended and started the year with work in mind and body at work. Until I contracted the famous but near to be just in history corona. Days before, I was told that it is corona, even without test. But I kept my silence for I only have just 2 days paid vacation leave, and for all I know this will be a 7 to 10 days home quarantine. I continue working, letting pass what was told of me. Until a time, a concern staff told me, to better have a test. Finish the work for this day, and for the next day, before anything else, report. And that just happened. And that is the day I was confirmed I have the disease. I just learned, that part of me, the person that do not want to voice it out. Therefore, someone should. On this case, my body and my colleague.

*****

In silence God speaks to me saying that He loves me, and will protect me. But, instead of being secured, I felt the doubt. A feeling that is over and over again telling me lies. Started hearing foreign words that says I am studying God's Word for years now, but look, what I have now. Given a word or phrase that is so generic, so general, that even non-believers already heard. Questioning me, if is it God that O heard? Or it is just I wanted to hear? Then, while still holding His Word, may hands wanted to withhold. But, praise God for He confirms what He said. Before I think to drift away, God used somebody to tell me 'Yes child, I love you'. (Jeremiah 31:3) Our walk will be hard if we are alone. And maybe passing every signs that lead us to where we just started or worst put us farther from our destination. Seek God, and walk with people who are also going to your same destination.

*****

Being said, as a church we have this prayer and fasting every January (start of the year) and July (mid-year). My word for this year is Positive. Funny it may sound but yes, including tested Positive for covid. I thank God that within those days, there no feverish feeling, difficulty of breathing, excessive cough and not even colds. Therefore, it may looks just like a staycationing, offered with food, enough sleep and rest. Because of holding of this word, it also tells me that the next time I will be tested it will again say Positive. And it happened. Giving me 3 more days to continue resting and seeking God. Coincidence it may seem, but I believe it is God's work, that the last day of our prayer and fasting is also the last day of my quarantine. It is not about the sign +/-, it is how God use it and how we receive it.

*****

While thinking about the hassle and trouble I brought, it is hard to step again. Therefore taking things slow, I go to work, do my usual routine and end my shift. Before going home, I went to see if my schedule was changed like what may head nurse said. But it is not. I also searched for documents that will say that my shift is change, but nothing as of account. Hence, I asked my head nurse to verify. And in the middle of our meeting she called, saying sorry for not updating me, and we will stick with the old schedule. I am glad that I consulted and not decide for myself. I learned that it shows respect to the speaker. And in response, I received an apology without asking or thinking about it.

*****

Go taught me to give, share, partake, be a blessing. Because of limited stock, I cook food according to what is available. And the difficult part is He told me to cook macaroni pasta. In scarcity of ingredients I just put what I have at hand and because I still have a generous amount of pepper, I poured a lot. I received feedbacks, good feedbacks. They forget what is lacking, because as a whole it is delicious, and one says I poured love into it. Give all that you have, because there is always Our Father who will appreciate that.

*****

Sunday as a Christian is going to church day. But, I will say that not every Sunday I go to church. There are times, I got sick (like the Sunday before this), I have a responsibility to fulfill (to go to work, help others, etc.), and times where I just want to be at home or be with others. But this Sunday, I am predestined to go to church. My schedule was back to my regular schedule and our service was made twice this day. They were all fixed. When science wants to define coincidence relative to probability, I believe that coincidence is beyond that. It is how God arrange things, the way He plans events that will occur. That seems to be a once in a blue moon thing for us.

*****

My not so ordinary duty. I got some time to be with my ate before she end her shift, helping us to accomplish some task. Other staff also do things that we should be doing. We are receiving help without asking. Then, we have some time to take breathe and sip hot tea before continuing. Our rounds continue. We finished things before the usual time, check things if no backlogs, and ate our dinner. We are also given enough time to rest, which is more than the usual. Slept. When routines are break, things that I am used to, most of the time get annoyed. But this time is different. Amazed how God can turn things other way around.

*****

Inserting IV catheter nor blood extraction is not my forte, but this time another miracle happened. A patient, who cries a lot, was scheduled for blood extraction. I cannot quit without even trying, so I went to the patient praying to find a vein, and there it is. I ask the patient to hold still (even I do not know if she understands or comprehend what I say), and then blood was drawn. I thank her for her cooperation, and then she murmur. I asked her again, and she says arigatou (Japanese term for thank you). Then I told her, I will get back, and she replied hai (yes). I do not know how to tell my coworker what just happened. But when I got home, I chatted my friends/coworker, telling them how amazed I am. If I just quitted easily, I may have not witness that miracle.

******

I have an obligation to pay, and the soon I remember it I just have to act immediately, for I am such a forgetful woman. Not having the intention to escape, but i might forget it especially in the busy time. After paying, she told me to accomplish some forms, form for my absences and other things that I haven't done. Also form that will pay me even in my absences. And non of my remaining paid leave will be use. I am somehow in doubt if they are going to assist me, but still God provides people that will help me, and provide for what I need.

*****

Miracles are not that usual unlike before. Where Moses split the sea, and water turns to blood, mannas, cloud by day, fire by night; Apostles healing the blind, the leper, the lame. BTW what is miracle? It is defined as a phenomenon that breaks the natural law. Something that cannot be explained. Miracles are signs pointing us to a destination, to where God is. So why do we see miracles less often? Does God hides or do not want to be seen? Or on the other side, are we asking for miracles this big?

[mesaprotector]

So I came back to Madagascar this year after two and a half years of unplanned time at home in the US. I was stationed in a different town than before, where I’ve been way more of a social butterfly, had more success with projects, and... I’m probably quitting in a month.

The main reason, by far, is that my health has been awful. The first time around I was about as healthy as you’d expect a pampered American to be in a very rural part of a third-world country - a fever once, a cold another time, etc., but overall, I could manage. This time I’ve been sick more often than not, and often seriously sick. I was stuck in the hospital on an IV only two weeks after moving to my new town. Three weeks ago I managed to get covid - nearly asymptomatic, but that took away a whole week and a half of time I wanted to be teaching. Oh, and... a doctor in my organization keeps insinuating it’s my fault for being sick.

Even though it’s a secondary reason - a LOT of my mental energy has been going over just how little understanding this organization has shown to me, and that doctor in particular, who reported me to the boss for asking for innocent advice, told me I should have just dealt with it when I called about a health problem (and then offered the most blatant non-apology when confronted - “I’m sorry you felt that way” is not an apology, as any first-grader knows)), responded to me asking her to be less passive-aggressive by straight-up threatening me in an email - you get the idea. Even though she’s been awful to me it’s very much a whole-organizational problem. I’ve worked for bureaucracies before and not one of them had this unholy combination of expecting complete blind obdience with refusing to be honest about it. When I was working as a fish processor you couldn’t talk back and they said so, straight. When I was a tutor I genuinely could talk with my supervisor and even HR, and sometimes change things. Here you get shit on for doing anything other than saying “yes, sir” - but they’ll keep lying and lying and lying and telling you you’re welcome to come by with your concerns.

A lot of people join the organization I’m in as a first step towards politics or foreign service, in which not taking people at face value is important. But like... is “if you want to change the rules you should just shut up, break them, and be sneaky about it, instead of trying to go through the proper channels” really a good lesson to get across to people? Uh... am I supposed to understand something about our political system through that?

And yet I really like the people in my town. Well, a lot of them. I’m never short of people to do things with, and in barely three months I already have a number of people I’d almost call friends (a word I don’t use casually). If it weren’t for getting sick I’d be happy to just quit the organization and stay here and work without bored, petty bureaucrats breathing down my neck. And I hate the idea of letting these people down, going home, and being remembered as the kid who was sick and gave up.

I haven’t completely made my mind up yet. But I think a part of me is already back in the US. During this latest sickness I stopped trying to keep up with grading homework and writing lesson plans, and I’ve been dreaming more and more of the places I want to visit when I’m back home in California.

[bts-weverse-trans]

201127 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jungkook

Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.27

I had a chance to interview BTS before, when they debuted. During that interview, Jung Kook had one small habit; when I met him again a while later, he had corrected it. He makes a conscious effort to change himself. And after seven years, I met Jung Kook again.

You directed the music video for “Life Goes On,” BE’s title song. Jung Kook: I was really eager to direct the music video from the outset. My plan was to organize the synopsis, discuss it with the  music video director I was working with, shoot and edit them, but we were short on time. So I worked on it while sharing ideas with the director. Originally there were a lot of scenes with lip synching in them, but we took some of them out and put in more scenes that conveyed the members’ emotions better. It wasn’t easy to combine scenes, but I think now I know more about how much of everything is needed when shooting a music video.

You had shot the Golden Closet Films and uploaded them to the BTS YouTube channel, and now you shot a music video. Jung Kook: Once we were on location, we had directions for everything we needed to shoot prepared in advance, so I took candid shots of the members here and there with a camera during the shoot. We were filming in a beautiful place so when they asked me to take pictures of them as they wanted to be presented, I did.

What kind of pictures did you take of yourself? Jung Kook: I was just, in them. (laughs) I’m not in the shot for the Golden Closet Films either. I kind of take a back seat. The director had to shoot my parts for the music video, since I couldn’t film myself, so I relaxed a bit. I tried to make the other members look really good when I recorded them. Since this was a BTS music video and not my own, I wanted to show what was happening with every member and the team, not just one individual’s thoughts. Each person who watches the video might feel different, but I wanted to show that we feel what other people feel, that we’re in the same situation.

You get your picture taken a lot, but you don’t pay much attention to the ones you’re in. Jung Kook: I never really liked having my picture taken. (laughs) And I’m usually with the others when we’re working, obviously, but it’s hard to take a camera and take selfies. So I take pictures and videos of the other members every chance I get.

Do you still find it difficult to have your picture taken? Jung Kook: I put my best face forward when it’s for something I have to do, like  for photo books, but it’s still not easy. Videos are okay, though. And even though I’m not nervous at all when I sing in front of tens of thousands of people, if I have to sing or talk in front of a small group, I get super nervous. I never feel that way on stage, but maybe I have a hard time doing things that are a little bit awkward for me.

It seems like you draw a distinction between work you enjoy and work you find difficult. Jung Kook: Work related to music, like recording, composing, writing lyrics, filming music videos and things like that, are all fine. But anything outside of that is probably a challenge for me.

On BE, you each explained your feelings about work in the song “Dis-ease.” You must have experienced a cycle of enjoyable and difficult work over seven years, so how did you get through the hard times? Jung Kook: I actually understand my own problems well, so most of the time it’s okay. I can figure things out one at a time through experience instead of just looking for answers. I’m always growing and my personality changes, depending on my environment. I think I’ve learned to do things I used to find difficult by experiencing it little by little.

Speaking of growth, “Skit” was very memorable. You recorded it the day after “Dynamite” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and you, who talked about what you did before you became trainees in “Skit” in your debut album,talked about being first place on the Billboard Hot 100 this time around. Jung Kook: When I was a trainee, I saw the older members rapping and thought, “Wow, they’re so cool!” But now, after having spent everyday together, I’ve forgotten about all that. (laughs) Sometimes I see the lyrics they wrote, see them dancing and hearing the things they say on stage, and think, “Oh, right. That is the kind of person they are. They’re a lot different now.” You know how you don’t feel it when you live with your family, but if you can’t see them for a long time, you miss them. You might even cry. We’re a real family. Like, legit! (laughs)

Your “legit family” (laughs) each put their own songs on BE and came up with units spontaneously. What was it like making the album that way? Jung Kook: We talked with the company over the outline of the album and organized our ideas together. That was our process for making songs. Then we’d listen to them together, and if we thought they weren’t great, we’d go back and work on them some more. The members would get together and say, “Hey, how about so and so do a unit song this time?” or, “What should it be about?” and share a lot of ideas that way.

How did the others respond to your song, “Stay”? Jung Kook: That song was originally meant to be on my mixtape. We planned to put a different song on the album, but after V heard it, he said, “This song that Jung Kook wrote is really good,” and then the other members all listened, said it was better than the other one, and somehow (laughs) “Stay” made it into the album. The message for the other song was also, “Even though we’re far apart, stay just where you are.” I wrote my song with the same theme so I loved that it was included in BE. At first, I wanted to talk about how we’re always together, using the English word “wherever.” I wanted to express how we’re always together no matter where we are, but Namjoon heard that and said “Stay” might be better. I liked his suggestion, so I changed it. He really helped me to organize my thoughts, since I’m not always good at writing everything I want to express.

One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.

It sounds like you really miss your fans. Jung Kook: This album really hit us in a different way, with this situation being what it is. Because the world is struggling with COVID-19, we have to keep our heads up and convey our messages to our fans.

What can your fans expect from you when you finally meet again? Jung Kook: There’s nothing specific, but when I watched our old performances, my facial expressions were awkward and my dance moves weren’t always perfect. I keep working to improve myself, so I hope   when the fans see me, they think my performance is amazing and that my aura fills the stage.

Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.

Your acting in the intro to your “Dynamite” performance was really impressive. Even in COVID-19 times, you captured a feeling of liveliness and being cool, as though to explain what the song is all about. Jung Kook: Actually, on the first day of filming the music video, I was supposed to film my parts first, but I was so bad that it had to be pushed to the end of the shoot. So,I was a bit more relaxed when the camera rolled.

So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)

It’s fascinating how someone who performs the way you do during stadium tours can feel nervous while filming and yet still do so well in it. Jung Kook: I can be a shy person. When people used to ask me to sing, I couldn’t always do it—like in front of adults or teachers. And I’m still a bit like that. If I start thinking, “Oh, I can’t do this,” then I really end up not being able to do it. Even when I could have done well.

Why do you think that is? Jung Kook: I feel the same way about my dancing and my singing, and I can’t compose a really amazing melody either. I feel like I’m always somewhere in the middle. But then I also think I have my own colors, so I like to quietly, slowly open up to people, and let them know what kind of person I am. Yeah, something like that. (laughs)

But, when you review your songs and performances objectively, you see all of your changes, don’t you? Jung Kook: There’s a lot of change. My voice has changed a lot; I grew taller and my frame and facial structure have changed, too. I could tell how awkward I looked at the beginning, but after a while, I think, “My gestures look better now, but I feel like my dance is too rigid.” And again after a while, “Now my dance is fine and my gestures are good, but I’m making awkward facial expressions.” And later, I say, “Now I got the facial expressions down, but, hmm, there’s no killer move.” (laughs) That’s how I slowly changed. And then my actions, thoughts, dreams, goals, what I value, what I want to do—all these things will change depending on the situation.

You had some changes in BE, too. Throughout “Life Goes On,” you lightly carry your voice and tone throughout the whole song, like they’re flowing. Jung Kook: Right. I think that’s very important. My general feeling was my voice should be woven into the song, rather than bringing out my individual voice. The lyrics say the world stopped, but I can’t keep on being sad, and life continues and flows on. I wanted to mix a little bit of my own colors into that complex, subtle sadness. I listened to how the other members recorded their parts for the song, and I sang while thinking about how I could do it in a way that it would all blend together well. I kept changing my voice exploring how to make it sound better, cleaner. I kept trying new things while I was recording, performing, and practicing.

When you look back after all that change, don’t you feel like you accomplished a lot? Jung Kook: I don’t really pay attention to things that have already happened. I think more about what it is I need right now, so I rarely think, “I got a lot better from how I used to be,” or, “I did a good job.”

You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.

You’ve found immense success with BTS. What makes you want to keep doing more and keep improving yourself? Jung Kook: I want to show people who I am: how I talk, how I act, how I sing, and so on. And after that, I want to be acknowledged for doing what I like to do, and for people to see what an amazing guy I am. I want to do these things step by step. I want to be appreciated as Jung Kook, as the real me.

What do you think is the source of that energy—the energy to keep proving yourself, even though you’ve already achieved so much with BTS? Jung Kook: I think my heart’s telling me to. BTS was able to climb this high thanks to the group members, the company and our fans. But there’s always the question of whether I could receive that kind of recognition by myself, so I have this feeling of wanting to throw myself at some challenge alone. There’s a lot I want to do, and a lot I want to achieve.

By gradually improving yourself, what kind of person would you ideally want to become? Jung Kook: A person who’s crazy awesome in their field. (laughs) Those kinds of people look cool even when they do something different. I still have a long way to go. I feel like I could be more captivating and draw more out of people by improving any number of things, by trying hard to be confident about my singing, or the way I dance and perform. BTS is way more important and meaningful to me than I am to myself, so I’m not saying I want to do anything alone. But I hope I get to the point where I can perform alone for three or four hours in a venue full of people.

It’s clear that your job, music, is very important to you. Jung Kook: I must never let it go. That’s what I always think. I have to keep it close to me, even if I get bored, or I don’t want to hear it, or it feels like a hassle. I want to keep on making music. It may be a long ways down the road, but I want to prove myself with my music.

You said before that your MBTI is ISFP, so I looked it up. Obviously, MBTI can’t sum up a person perfectly, but it says ISFPs tend to be “curious artists.” Your answer reminds me of that. Jung Kook: That sounds about right. I looked up the personality traits for ISFP too, and it was interesting. (laughs)

Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.

You’ve been climbing for seven years, staying curious. Is there anything you want to say to the people who have been watching you all this time? Jung Kook: Umm … Well, there are seven of us, and the seven of us keep running ahead. So it’s possible we could get tired, one by one, and drop out, right? But if more people join us, one by one, and run with us, we can support each other and pull each other up if someone falls down. That’s kind of how I feel. There are people who supported us from the beginning who have been watching us the whole time since, and because of them our follower count keeps going up, and they all keep us on track. So the only thing I can say is—thank you. We were nothing special, really (laughs) but they keep on liking us and supporting us, and the best way we can repay them is to give them our all through our music and our performances. They push me to work hard, even on things I find difficult. (laughs) I’m eternally grateful.

Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”

Trans © Weverse

[helliontherapscallion]

Anon who’s dog had a seizure. I wanted to be able to give a positive update, but I won’t be able to. I was woken up by a call at around 1:30am from my mom and the first thing she said was “[my dogs name] died”

I don’t know all the details, I was in a full fledge panic attack and was overcome with despair when it was either explained to me or I overheard (frankly, I don’t remember) but apparently at some point either last night or veryyyyy early this morning my mom let the dog out to use the restroom, and he collapsed again similarly to how he did two days ago. My mom rushed him to the emergency vet (a thirty minute drive) but he didn’t even make it there.

I think I was dry heaving at some point because my panic was so bad. I ended up going to the vet with my dad so I could say goodbye (he had before my mom left with the dog) and ngl, going with him did not help in the slightest. My dad has NPD and he kept making the situation about himself and I stg I was ready to throw myself out the car window in the middle of the freeway and walk the rest of the way there OOP—

I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to because of Covid, but we were allowed to all head into the vet and hold him and give proper goodbyes before they took him to be cremated (they have a partnership with some place that does all that jazz). It was rough. He’s a small dog, only 18 pounds, but just holding him felt so different. There was no resistance when I picked him up (I’m not his favorite person lol, so he’d always deadpan and shuffle away a little from me before giving in whenever i’d make grabby hands hahaha) and it was just rough.

A year and a half ago my old bird passed away in that same emergency vet, so I just felt like I was suffocating the whole time. It was basically history repeating itself and I had a ✨mental breakdown✨ while cradling the pooch. My mom almost had to drag me out 2.5 hours later because I didn’t want to leave him. I tried to be strong, he was her dog in the end and they had an unbreakable bond. I should’ve been the one comforting her, not the other way around. I totally failed lol.

Thank god I was able to go home with my mom and not my dad. I wanted to be the one to drive home so she could rest, but I didn’t have the energy to protest when I saw she was already in the drivers seat.

We’ve had him since he was a few months old. I was in first grade at the time, and despite us having a very rocky start (young me didn’t like all the attention he received bc it used to be mine) he was my lil buddy and I would have done anything for him. I was looking forward to taking my senior and graduation pictures with him soon, but it seems like that won’t be happening. I just wish I did more with him.

Sorry for rambling and being so depressing! I haven’t gotten much sleep over the past two nights so I’m really out of it.

If it’s not too much to ask for, could I have a part ii of my previous request but have it involving what I wrote above? Asdfghjkl my depressed ass needs comfort and all of my friends are in school LOL. (Thank god I was called off from school this time) Plus, I don’t wanna make my mom feel worse by adding my grief on top of her own (I hope that made sense)

Part 1

(A/N): anon, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. From what you sent me about him, he sounded like an absolute delight to be around and a very good boy. You deserve to grieve too, even if you don’t think you should. Grieving is healthy and it’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. Everyone grieves differently, so maybe you and your mom could reminisce on the good times with him? Only if you both feel comfortable doing so of course. Please get some sleep, drink plenty of water, and eat some food if you haven’t already. My DMs are always open if you ever want to talk <3

Warnings: death of a dog and bird (mentioned), panic attacks, NPD parent mention

You were jolted awake by a loud ring from your phone laying on your nightstand. It was the ringtone you specifically set for your mom. Blinking deliriously, you answered with a raspy, “mom?”

You were only met with her choked sobs on the other end. This woke you up completely as you turned on a lamp and sat up fully in your bed, “mom what’s wrong?”

“(Dog name)...” She was unable to say your dog's name before she broke into more harsh sobbing. Worry and fear pricked your gut at the mention of your dog’s name. “What about (dog name)? What’s going on?”

“He d-died, (y/n). He isn’t suffering anymore.” You felt as if ice cold water was poured onto you as you sat staring at the wall in shock. Faintly you heard your mom telling you how it happened, but you didn’t register her words. The words that came out of your mother’s mouth were nearly incomprehensible anyways due to her distress. You didn’t know when she hung up, but the next time you looked at the phone screen your homescreen met you: a picture of you, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy at an amusement park. 

Your panic attack had escalated to you dry heaving over the toilet after puking up your dinner. You felt like you were suffocating as you remembered the techniques Techno used a few days prior. You stumbled up from a crouch and scrambled over to the sink. Your hands could barely grab the faucet and turn it on as you lost most of your sense of spatial awareness and everything you touched felt distant, like every single synapse in your body was both simultaneously working in overdrive and failing at the same time. The water was as cold as it was going to get, so you plunged your hands into the liquid and felt your body jolt at the temperature. After a while, your hands turned numb after regaining some senses back so you shakily cupped your hands under the faucet and gathered water into your hands. You splashed it at your face and felt yourself becoming more grounded as time passed.

By the time you left the bathroom, your dad gathered you into the car and started to drive you to the emergency vet. The entire time he was ranting about how you needed to pull yourself together because the dog was closer to him than to you. That definitely did not help in any way, it made you want to jump out of the car and walk the rest of the way to the vet. It would be better than having someone constantly belittling you for grieving. The ride was hell, but you persevered for (dog name). You needed to say goodbye to him.

When you left the car and walked into the building, it felt as if you were walking through the nine rings of hell with blazing infernos licking at your skin with every step. Dread and despair filled and overwhelmed you with every step. 

When a nurse escorted you to the room, she offered you her condolences and left you to say goodbye. With wide eyes, you slowly walked over to your mom and saw the motionless bundle of fur in her hands. It looked like he was sleeping, but you knew better. She looked at you with so much heartbreak and sadness as tears slipped down her cheeks that you remembered that he was her dog in the end and they’ve always had an unbreakable bond. You needed to be strong for her.

Your stony facade broke the second your mom handed you (dog name). He was cold and stiff as he laid unmoving in your arms, not even trying to wiggle out of your embrace like he always did. You were never his favorite person. He felt so… different. So wrong. 

Time passed around you as you held him and cried into his fur. This situation was very similar to your previous one that happened about a year and a half ago when your bird passed away and that was what finally sent you over the edge. Before you knew it, your mom was dragging you out of the building so he could get cremated. Your dad had long since gone home so he could get ready for work, so that left you to ride home with your mom. Not that you were complaining, it was certainly better than riding home with your dad. You just wished that you could drive so she could get some rest. 

By time you got home, it was about the same time you would leave for school. As you were driving down your neighborhood, you saw a very familiar car pass you. It was Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy’s car. They were probably going to school. You kept your head down and stared intensely at your tightly clasped hands. 

The second the car was in park in your driveway, you made a beeline for your room. For the rest of the day, you hid underneath your covers and ignored the incessant buzzing of your phone on the nightstand. You spent that time alone having a panic attack. This was your longest and most intense one yet, by the time it finally calmed down it was 10:30 at night. 

You smacked your dry lips together and feel absolutely drained. The buzzing still wouldn’t let up, so you reached out with a shaky hand and opened your phone. You had at least eighty combined missed texts from Wilbur, Tommy, and Techno. 

Tuesday, Innit?

Yo, the fuck’s goin on? 

Why the hell did you ignore us when we passed you???

Music man take me by the hand lead me to the land

Ignore that dumbass

What’s going on? You weren’t at school today

(Y/n)?

Technology Sword

You don’t have to tell us what happened if you’re not comfortable

Just tell us if you’re okay

That was only the start of the messages in the group chat. Granted it was mostly Tommy spamming your name and Wilbur and Techno trying to get him to chill out, but some of the messages managed to calm the swirling panic inside of you slightly. Your phone buzzed as you got another text. This time, it was an individual one from Technoblade.

Technology Sword

Look out your window, grab your notebook

You raised your eyebrows slightly as you read the message. Your window was right across from Technoblade’s, so when you saw Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” music video and showed it to Techno, you both decided that this would be your primary communication before you eventually got phones. It wasted a ton of paper, but you both felt like the main characters in a story so you kept doing it. You hadn’t done this since you got your phone and he got his. 

After you grabbed your spare notebook and a sharpie, you sat up in your bed and turned on your lamp. When you opened your curtains, you saw Techno smiling at you before he grabbed his notebook and wrote ‘hello’. 

You uncapped your marker, wrote ‘hi’, and shakily raised it to him. You saw him frown at your shakiness, he wrote ‘you okay?’

You stared at your paper for a bit contemplating whether or not you should tell him the truth. It was no use in lying to him, he knew you better than you knew yourself. After a moment, you wrote ‘no’.

You watched as he frowned and his eyebrows crinkled together in an upwards slant. ‘Discord?’

‘Sure’

You closed your curtains once more and opened up your PC. You could already see that Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy were in a separate voice channel. When you joined, you were startled by Tommy’s loud screaming and Wilbur’s hysterical laughter. 

“WILBUR YOU PRICK WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT I WORKED SO HARD GETTING THAT NETHERITE!” 

They were interrupted by a knock on Tommy’s door, “Tommy for the love of god it’s almost eleven at night kiddo. You can keep playing but please just keep it down.”

“SORRY DADZA!”

“Good job dumbass,” Wilbur chuckled.

“Hey (y/n), how’re you?” Techno’s somewhat pointed voice interrupted them. “(Y/N)! Please tell Wilbur that it’s not cool to borrow my armor and ‘accidentally’ fall into a lava lake.”

“It was an accident I swear!” Wilbur’s slight chuckle told you otherwise. “Wilbur,” your croaky and wobbly voice scolded him quietly, “not cool.”

The voice channel went silent as you logged into your shared minecraft server. You immediately spawned in the main lobby at spawn that you built the last time you logged in. You got to work gathering wood for walls you were going to build around the city. You saw Techno’s character run to you and help you gather wood. 

“...You good, (y/n)?” Tommy’s voice took on an uncharacteristic level of gentleness and concern. 

“‘M fine.” 

After a while of silence, you heard keyboards start to click again. Gradually conversation started back up and everything felt lighthearted once more. Though, you only talked when you were prompted to. After gathering the correct amount of wood, you and Techno went back to your house so you could craft some slabs. However as you approached the crafting table, you passed your bed. Next to your bed was your pet dog, barking slightly and looking at you with it’s pixel eyes. 

You could feel tears well up in your eyes at the sight of the pixelated dog. With a lump forming in your throat you struggled to breathe through it, your breaths coming out shuttering. You made quick work of muting yourself on Discord and started sobbing, the white dog staring at you sitting on top of your minecraft bed. This wasn’t a panic attack, you knew that. But you still felt overcome by a massive wave of grief. 

After a bit, you saw Techno’s character pop in front of you and start hitting the air. In chat, you saw that he private messaged you ‘vc 2’

You clicked off the main voice chat and was immediately greeted by Techno’s gentle voice. “What’s goin on buddy?” He was only met with your sobs, “deep breaths.”

“I’m not having a panic attack.”

“Still, deep breaths are good. Follow me.” With that, you two worked on getting your breathing back to normal and your tears slowly stopped. The entire time he was giving you praise and gentle reassurances whenever you tried to apologize to him. By the time you stopped crying you felt almost completely drained. 

“You okay now?” You hummed in confirmation, too tired to say anything. “Thank you Tech, I-I’m sorry-”

“Stop apologizing for feeling emotions. They’re one hundred percent valid… Do you feel comfortable telling me what happened?”

“I…” You trailed off as you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words out loud. “You don’t have to tell me, ya know.” Technoblade gently reminded you.

“I’ll PM it to you.” With that, you PMed him on minecraft explaining that your dog died this morning. “Fuck, I’m so sorry (y/n). I’m sure he isn’t suffering anymore. Did- did they ever find out what caused the seizures?”

“No, but… he had tons of health issues that I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with anymore.” 

“Do you wanna talk about the good times with him with Wil and Tommy? If you don’t want to we can just talk about them here.”

“Let’s rejoin the main voice channel.”

“Hey (y/n), how’re you doing?” Wilbur gently asked you. “I’m alright, do- do you guys know what happened?” They both said yes. Technoblade must’ve told them what was happening.

“(Y/n) come outside. We built something for you.” Tommy was uncharastically gentle. 

When you moved to go outside of your minecraft house and Wilbur and Tommy led you to an empty spot in the city you four were building, you stopped in your tracks. In front of you built in various types of stone was a dog statue. In front of it stood a sign that read ‘in loving memory of (dog name)’.

“We aren’t done with it, but we can finish it in a couple of hours,” Wilbur mumbled into the microphone. 

“No, it’s perfect as it is. I don’t know what to say guys…”

“You don’t have to say anything, just know that we’re here for you.” Tommy said, his minecraft character walking over to your own and hitting you. 

“Oi, don’t hit them!” Techno punched him back and that started an all out brawl between the two. It quickly ended when Techno pulled out his fully enchanted netherite sword named ‘Orphan Obliterator’. 

“Get fucked, nerd.” You could just tell Tommy was holding in screaming at his brother. “I’m not the nerd here, you’re the one that reads for fun.” Tommy retorted. You heard shuffling on Techno’s end and him walking away from his PC. You were about to ask what was happening before you heard Tommy silently scream in terror. “Oh fuck he’s coming!” You assumed that Tommy ran to lock his door. Not long after that you heard a knock, “I just wanna talk.”

“No! You-”

“I just wanna talk.”

“Let him talk, Tommy!”

“NO WILBUR.”

You heard Philza’s groggy muffled voice, “it is midnight on a Friday. I don’t care what happens or who fights who, just do it in your own rooms and do it quietly.” 

“Sorry Dad,” you heard Techno’s retreating steps before he returned to his chair. “You’re a douche, Technoblade.” 

“I just wanted to talk, Tommy.” At that, Techno started beating Tommy to death once more. Each time he would kill Tommy, he would give Tommy a small head start before he would find him again. While this was happening, Wilbur PMed you ‘wanna prank Tommy and Techno? I’m thinking we put chickens under their houses’.

You looked at his player and nodded. You and Wilbur got to work luring chickens into holes you dug around their bases and burying them so that they were close enough to hear, but deep enough for it to be mildly inconvenient finding them. After you two were done with that, you met at spawn again.

“Techno stop killing Tommy. We want to tell stories about (dog name).” You saw Techno’s character sprint to your group and Tommy’s come up from a hole in the ground. “I was just about to find him.”

“Thank you! God, I hate it when he does that.”

The rest of the night you four spent reminiscing on the funny things that (dog name) did over the years. At some points you even laughed along with them. After you told them that you wanted to take your senior pictures with him, Techno offered to edit him into your photos. You didn’t know when you passed out but when you woke up, you had a crick in your neck and your PC monitor was off. You could hear three sets of soft snoring on the other end of the call. You felt yourself drifting off to their gentle breathing and smiled slightly; with them, everything felt better. 

[writingwithcolor]

Hey! I’m currently writing a Jewish character and was wondering if this would be offensive: my character has a family where her mother is Jewish but her father celebrates Christmas, so they fuse their holiday celebrations to bring their two families together for any holidays that fall in line with eachother. Would this be a problem? I’m basing her off of irl friends who’s family does this, but I want to make sure it doesn’t seem like I’m erasing her Jewish heritage and pride. Thanks so much!

Celebrating Hanukkah & Christmas in interfaith family

No problems from me other than to note that I hope you meant to say that they're both celebrated, not that they're literally "combined." Because putting Christian ritual into a Jewish holiday would bug me, as a reader, but someone watching Mom light the menorah before going out caroling with Dad would not--for example. Does that make sense? There are plenty of interfaith families out there that do both, but keeping the actual practices separate is the best way to keep the Jewish ones Jewish. (And in my example I was picturing both parents there for each activity, so it's not like I'm calling for that much separation -- just, not bringing up "the meaning of Christmas" while you're literally telling the Chanukah story.

You may also want to decide if the character themselves is drawn in one direction or the other, or neither yet. (You said "Jewish heritage and pride" so from this I gather that's how she believes? In that case, is Christmas totally just a fun secular thing for her or is it something she regards as an outsider, religiously speaking?)

--Shira

I'm going to start by saying that interfaith families exist, and have a variety of ways of expressing their combination of cultures. I'm absolutely not here to argue with that, be negative about that very real way of life, or invalidate those experiences in the slightest. 

With that being said... people outside our community really, really love to show us celebrating Christmas, and Easter, and eating bacon, or doing anything else that might code us as assimilated (regardless of our internal identities). These are things that some Jewish people do, and I think it's absolutely good to show the breadth of the community, and the varied ways we express ourselves, but I do not, at all, trust someone outside the community to do that mindfully. 

In wider media, whether books, television, movies etc. Jewish characters are so often shown to be either assimilated, or from an interfaith family. Interfaith does not necessarily mean assimilated of course! But the fact of their interfaith relationship is often used as a convenient way to get the Jewish character into situations that are intended to show how "not really" Jewish they are. There is an obsession with showing us as assimilated, a delight that is taken in trying to prove that we either are exactly the same as the broader culture, or that our differences can be erased and eroded until we are. 

A Jewish person remains Jewish, whether they go to a Christmas party or not, whether they have shrimp at dinner or not, whether they marry a non-Jewish person or not, but the intent behind constantly showing Jewish characters doing this is suspect to me. This asker may not have this ill-intent, but frankly, it's hard to come by a character, written by a non-Jewish person, that says "I'm Jewish" in the beginning of a work, and then "oh, no thank you, I don't celebrate Christmas" in the middle, let alone even continuing to say "I'm Jewish" by the end.

When I read a work about interfaith families, and their specific traditions by a person inside the community, or coming from an interfaith background themselves, I'm interested, happy to learn about the characters, and their lives. When I read a work like that by someone outside the community it leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and the feeling that even fictional versions of us are being gleefully, voyeuristically, intentionally assimilated.

-- Dierdra

1) If your character is invested in their Jewish heritage, celebrating Chanukah is not enough to show this. Please please please research our other holidays and traditions, talk to Jewish people who feel the same level of connection to their Jewish roots, consume #OwnVoices materials.

2) Agree with Dierdra that interfaith families exist and deserve representation, but that writing an assimilated character requires a lot of research and sensitivity; any blatant disregard of halacha should probably be avoided in case it is consumed in that voyeuristic way by the reader.

3) And with Christmas in particular, you can be close to touching a nerve because not all Jewish people have fond memories of Christmas, to say the least. To people of minority faiths, it can be the time when our othering is the most blatant and impactful (we’ve included some personal stories below). 

It would be best to listen to many Jewish experiences of December shenanigans, from people who celebrate Christmas partially or fully, to those who are indifferent, to those who have mainly negative associations and memories.

-- Shoshi

Our personal experiences with Christmas (Jewish Mods)

Also, as a note from all of us, discussing this question brought up so many stories about our own experiences with Christmas, and the culture surrounding it.  A selection of them are below, just to give an idea of what it can be like:

- Just not having lights up was enough to get our neighbor asking our then roommate if we were "you know... sorta..." When our roommate confirmed that we are indeed Jewish, he reassured him that it was "fine." It didn't feel fine to be told that though. I also had a neighbor ask what we were doing for Christmas once, and I said "oh, we do Chanukah in this house" just to keep it casual. She excitedly yelled back "JEWS!!" Even without Covid I was getting to the point where December was just a month where I tried to stay in, and avoid getting grumpy at people who are just enjoying their holiday (they just happen to be enjoying it everywhere, all the time. And sometimes kind of aggressively). God forbid you correct someone when they wish you a Merry Christmas. 

- Me too, it's the marketing, it's so aggressive. Last year I got so fed up with Christmas music being on in the office that I decided to bring a dreidel and spin it casually on my desk throughout the day, just so that my own space could feel like it was somewhat reserved for my own identity, you know? On day two of this, a colleague I didn't know that well came up to me and said, "Please could you stop doing that? It's really loud." I wanted to yell "NOT AS LOUD AS YOUR MUSIC!", but I didn't, I just stopped spinning it because I'm a darn pushover at times. I had to sit through my first hand-wringing 'how will we do Christmas with Covid?' conversation in about September, even though Pesach and Eid were both during the height of lockdown in this country and no one said a thing until after the fact. 

- I've had people scoff, and sniff, and make snide comments to my face in my old workplace when I politely reminded them that I don't celebrate Christmas. It can get so uncomfortable, just existing in the world, and Christmas can end up a really miserable time. 

[legobiwan]

Alright, back from seeing Black Widow, my first movie in an actual theater since this whole Covid nonsense blew through. (For the record, the last movie I watched in a theater was Birds of Prey.) Thoughts below.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

You have been warned.

This movie should have been released 4 years ago. Considering everything that has gone down with Infinity War, Endgame, and the TV shows (specifically Falcon & the Winter Soldier), it was somewhat jarring to slingshot all the way back to the period just following Civil War.

On the whole, the action was...okay. Marvel, for me, has always been about the characters more than the boom-booms, and while it was great to see Natasha and Yelena kicking ass all over the screen, it didn't quite have the same immediacy as the hand-to-hand fight sequences in Winter Soldier, which I personally hold as The Standard for Marvel fight choreography.

The best parts of this movie came in the quiet moments, which there were a surprising amount of, considering some of the pre-release criticism had excoriated the film for weighing down the scales on the action side, which I didn't find to be the case at all.

So, chemical subjugation as opposed to straight-up brainwashing. We didn't get too much background on this, beyond Melina's pig experiments, but I'd be interested to see if they expand on this concept (and the antidote) in future media.

(And imagine if that chemical were combined with the serum - Zemo (and Bucky) would have apoplexy. I know there hasn't been much Winter Soldier/Red Room crossover in the MCU thus far, but that would have...legs, I think.)

Speaking of super-soldiers, Red Guardian was fantastic. I laughed. A lot.

Now, he does boast in prison that he fought Captain America in the 80s. Obviously, this was not Steve, as Steve was still doing his best frozen dessert impression in the Arctic at that point. Two possibilities come to mind here (and yes, I realize he could be bullshitting but let me run with this): firstly, (and this is the one I think would be most accurate for MCU projects going forward), is that this might have been Isaiah Bradley. The timeline fits and he's had a solid enough introduction in FatWS that it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination. My second idea (which is admittedly a lot more fan fiction-y and something I posit solely for the angst angle) is that this "Captain America" was actually a Bucky/Winter Soldier who had been dressed up in some approximation of a Steve costume and made to act as "Captain America" for propaganda/training/observation purposes with the Red Guardian, Bucky's handlers knowing he would be able to emulate Steve's fighting style and vocal cadence, especially with the right manipulations. (Yup, there's a story in there which I will not be writing but would totally read.)

Also, along the line of super-soldiers - what is Red Guardian doing in 2025? Because Zemo would have probably wanted to have a word or a bullet or two.

So Dreykov's plan was to take over the world at his leisure through brainwashing and global assassins? Ehhhhh...didn't love that part, it really felt like Vanilla Hydra-esque World Takeover Mambo #9.

This being said, the scenes with Natasha and Dreykov were some of the best in the movie outside the family shenanigans. ScarJo got to show some real range there and it worked.

And this leads to the social commentary about women in the film. It's funny, because I feel that it was both very well-done (Natasha/Derykov, the forced hysterectomy conversation on the helicopter) but also wholly hamfisted (basically everything with the nameless mass of other Widows and Dreykov's far too pointed, Ebeneezer Scrooge line about controlling the "excess population" of women). The film, as a totality, did well by its female characters, allowed them to be messy, to kick massive ass, didn't touch any kind of forced romance, and definitely communicated how men can exploit women (and young girls). But Marvel (at least in the films - the TV shows tend to be more nuanced) is still not quite getting that balance right and have a habit of tipping into the "tell" (more like instruct from a soapbox) not "show" messaging strategy.

Taskmaster was...okay. Her introduction and first few scenes were cool, as was the way she emulated many familiar fighting forms (I caught Bucky's knife flip, Hawkeye's shooting, and Natasha's whole...thing), but in the end, she was a generic villain of the week, kind of like Ghost in Antman and the Wasp. I really didn't care one way or the other what happened to her.

Anyone else feel like we didn't really get much of an explanation re: Bucharest Budapest even though we kind of got an explanation about Bucharest Budapest?

More of a general cinema comment, but I've been watching all my streaming with captions the past year or so (which has helped me immensely, because sometimes the mixing in these is just not good) and I missed having them here, as a lot of characters tended to deliver lines somewhat sub rosa, and it wasn't always easy to track what was going on.

The family dynamics and Yelena's character were highlights. Gotta find that "cool" away to die.

Interesting that Yelena is already working for Val in the post-credits. Wonder what kind of organization she's setting up there. (Gods, I love Val.)

I will say that Natasha had a lot of wonderful character moments in this film, and it really bridged the gap between the Captain America movies and her Endgame character.

I'm always a sucker for a found family trope. No complaints there.

On the whole, great character moments in the quiet sections, forgettable action (although I'm still figuring out the whole nerve/bashing your head on the table thing), decent meta-commentary but far too removed from its real-life timeline. 7/10

[scriptmedic]

So I'm looking into the psychology of how healthcare workers cope with a Year From Hell with a flood of critical patients, an economic disaster and a domestic insurrection. This is actually for historical fiction, it's the result of a 19th-century war, and it's a left-wing insurrection, but yeah there are obviously parallels....

TW for COVID, COVID 19, COVID MENTION, PANDEMIC/PLAGUE

Hey Cathreese! (Awesome name, I hope it's real.)

I hope you're doing well and that you and yours are safe and hale and whole.

Health care resiliency is a HUGE topic for me, and I apologize if this ask is WAY too dang long.

Caution: Then != Now

The thing that makes this ask a particular challenge is the historical aspect. I can talk about how people are dealing with this now, but so much of our responses are conditioned by our environment that a 21st century health worker's response to a Year From Hell is very different from how it would have been previously.

In part that's because we're so sheltered from death and dying as a culture now. In the 1800s, families taking care of their dead was... well, kind of a matter of course. People did their dying at home, for the most part, and their families saw to them after.

In the modern era that's all expected to be tucked away in a clean white room with machines solemnly going "beep" and a gaggle of professionals to make sure it happens in a neat, tidy, orderly way.

Also, remember that nursing wasn't really a profession til the mid-1800s. It was a duty taken up by family members or, in some cases, by nuns -- but nursing as a profession really began after Florence Nightingale and the Crimean War in the 1850s. (You may want to spend some time researching her, she's a badass.)

How Chronic Stress & Trauma Affect Personality/Behavior

Chronic stress, especially chronic sympathetic activation (fight/flight/freeze mode), makes neurophysiological changes in the brain that impacts how people experience stress.

For the first part, their brain is constantly on the lookout for reasons to stress -- making them have a "hair trigger" for stressful experience.

Second, stress responses come in 3 major flavors:

Fight. This comes out as frustration, anger, short-temperedness, lack of patience, loss of kindness or compassion, etc.

Flight. This comes out as anxiety, nervousness, dread, overwhelm, panic attacks, strong startle response, etc.

Freeze. Can't think, can't make a decision, brain fog, listlessness, inability to focus, etc.

Also, keep in mind that nightmares and other ways of processing stress are real and valid. Lack of sleep is a physiological stressor, as is poor nutrition and dehydration -- a character who's only getting a few hours a night is going to be MUCH worse off than a character who's taking good care of themselves.

More below the cut...

How Individuals Manage Chronic Stress & Trauma

First things first: relationships will matter hugely. Whether your character feels like they can rely on their team, or whether they feel constantly snarked at or nitpicked, can make a BIG difference in their ability to successfully navigate stressors.

Unfortunately, the phrase "nurses eat their young" isn't a baseless stereotype, and it originates from this era. People under stress often fall into Fight mode and want to snap, snarl, or blame rather than accept that other people are learning at their own pace -- so it would be reasonable to see a situation in which your character has, A) no support / a lot of bullying or nitpicking, B) systematically unsupported with 1 or 2 close friends, or C) an overall Good Team of People.

On top of all of that, there are the individual factors. Health care resiliency comes down to self-care and mindset, and of the mindset, of particular importance is the ability to tell ourselves stories that allow us to function.

So for each character, ask: how does their relationship to their situation cause them to see themselves?

Let's look at the possible ramifications of 3 mindsets to see how it could impact them.

"I'm just doing a job." This mentality might make someone more detached from each individual patient -- but during a plague and social upheaval, that can be really helpful in maintaining a healthy perspective. This mindset helps the person do their work, but release them from feeling obligated to get a particular outcome of their work -- they don't have to save everyone. Of course there's still pride in a job well done, and some measure of pain and loss or head-shaking when someone doesn't make it, but it's one of the least personally harmful mentalities in an industry like health care. Pair this with a strong sense of compassion and I think it's the healthiest outlook one can have. (This is where I am now.)

"I have to save everyone." This is a recipe for straight-up self-loathing, and sadly, it's a belief that underpins WAY too many health professionals. Many don't see it as a job, they see it as a calling -- and that means that they will take each loss as a personal failure. This can lead to depression, anger, and outbursts. They care so so much about each patient -- too much, and it wounds them, and it hollows them out. (I used to be like this.)

"The Divine works through me." This is an interesting mindset to me (who didn't get raised with a religious background at all). This is kind of a combination of mindsets 1 and 2 -- the character might see themselves as doing a job, yes, a very important one, but also as not being responsible for the outcome. They love and try their hardest, but the success or failure of their efforts gets pinned on someone else -- namely, a god or gods of their choosing. Thus the patients who die, well, that's His decision, innit? Same if they live.

Hope this was a place to start looking and thinking, and thank you for the ask.

xoxo, Aunt Scripty