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mishy-mashy · 8 months ago

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Kudo is actually such a kind, soft-hearted guy that had to toughen up because he cared too much

He looked at AFO's rule, and even though he was weak, he had that glint in his eye that has been referred to as the "will of a hero" to oppose him. A hopeful glint shared with Midoriya, Bakugo, and Hawks

He even parallels Hawks when they talk about that particular look in their eye

From a glimmer in the eye, to which eye is shown, how much of the face, a similar angle of the face, and placement of text questioning the existence of that light,

He stormed to kill Yoichi with Bruce, but couldn't, once he saw the state Yoichi was in. Even knowing he was the enemy, he still reached out his hand and never let go, even when they were running

When Yoichi died, even though they'd only been together for two months, Kudo still cried and froze up.

This is a reaction from a man who repeatedly used lives as a stepping stone for his own goal.

Kudo said himself, that victory was life, and defeat was death. He had killed and seen his friends killed over and over, but still cries when it happens again. And to someone he only knew for two months, at that.

Kudo gathered allies under his cause, and they were loyal enough to die for him. Bruce cries (still smiling tho) facing AFO, tried protecting Kudo when he froze up at Yoichi's death, and we see all Kudo's comrades dead in the end. Maybe Bruce was suicidal when he went to face AFO, knowing he'd die, but most of his comrades (and Kudo) were already gone. Their cause was snuffed out, but the will persisted.

Kudo is a bit like Aizawa.

A bit crass and blunt, doesn't like beating around the bush, but he can clearly see what kind of person you are. He's not openly kind, but you know he cares so much, but has also lost too much once. He's seen his friend(s) die, and shouldn't it have been him in that spot? Shouldn't he have died instead, but was forced to continue living for that dead person's sake?

His speech about why we call Abilities "Quirks", recognizing people's intent over raw power is the real power. (Ch 369)

He's blunt and goes straight to the results rather than beat around the bush, but it doesn't mean his heart is frozen and he doesn't care about you. (Ch 408)

He cares so much, and that's why he has to do so much. (His whole Resistance thing, figuring out how Yoichi's Factor works to make sure Yoichi and his will can live on in some way)

He recognizes that Midoriya isn't driven by duty, but that he genuinely adores Quirks too much. (Ch 414) He could look at Midoriya, read that immediately, and even though he looked through his memories, Midoriya's character was his takeaway. Not that Midoriya is an idiot for letting himself be stepped on, or that this kid was bullied, but that Midoriya could see the goodness in others.

Like how Aizawa saw that Midoriya was relying on the reason [It can't be helped] whenever OFA broke his bones and told him he can't always break himself just because he could be fixed (Midoriya's recklessness that showed itself on the first day of school). He called out something that was an underlying, innate belief to Midoriya, that was so normal to the teen, and no one else had brought up as wrong to him.

The first thing they perceive is a person's character.

When Aizawa tied up Midoriya on the first day of school, he wasn't telling him off over his Quirk destroying him being a PR thing or too gruesome for the public. It was out of the fact that his Quirk shouldn't destroy him, because it's dangerous for Midoriya.

Aizawa came off antagonistic, but he was looking out for Midoriya. He didn't want him to keep breaking his whole arm, he didn't want him to get stuck in the mindset that he had to get hurt to use his Quirk, he was looking out for his wellbeing from the start. A kid he didn't know personally until that day.

Kudo did a similar thing. He turned his back, and refused to help, because they were putting their hopes in a delusional boy who would go too far. When the vestiges realized their gathered Abilities and Quirks were letting Midoriya have the freedom to do as he wished, Kudo already knew, only saying "His path is the right one". He could relate to having to run full-sprint to see your goal realized, even if everything opposed him, but didn't want Midoriya to go through that same path alone.

If he were alone, he'd be like Nagant. He had to have comrades to be like Kudo, able to continue and stand for their beliefs, but having comrades to fall back on, or pull him back when it's too much. That's why he follows up in that moment with, "But, if there's something Midoriya does need..."

Kudo and Aizawa could see themselves or their comrades in others, and knew how to approach those character flaws that were normalized to others and said person.

Kudo could see others for who they were, and I think it's this, and his caring nature, that he gathered so many allies with him. He knew when to be blunt, when to show kindness, that the truth hurts but needs to be seen, was actually very logical and witty, and when to step aside and let people do their thing, even if it wasn't the best move (like saving All Might). Because that was what was best for that person.

It's not like people would join someone so wholeheartedly without conviction and being left unseen by that person. So many people were willing to die with and for Kudo, and Bruce believes in him so much.

When All Might's vestige was fading and becoming more solid, Kudo had to look away. They knew it meant All Might was dying in the real world.

Kudo was telling Midoriya not to intervene with Gearshift there. But once he saw All Might genuinely dying out, he couldn't look at him, and kept quiet. He stopped hanging onto battlefield logic of necessity, shut up, let Midoriya do his thing, and it saved All Might. It saved Midoriya from seeing his idol die in front of him, and Kudo didn't have to see another ally die beside him.

The chapter is literally called [We Love You All Might!!]. Even if it's just meant to focus in Bakugo and Midoriya, and only has 2 exclamation marks, it can't discount the world is watching. The vestiges care about All Might too.

When the vestiges come up with the plan to forcibly transfer themselves to deal damage, Kudo volunteers himself as the test dummy. Sure, he backs it with a lot of reason too, but he didn't want anyone else to go first as a test drive

He, with a Gearshift Ability that resembled a manual car, was the test drive. Ha ha pun- *gets shot*

En tried going first. Kudo rejected him, saying he would go first.

"Part ways with Gearshift [me], and you'll be free of the crippling recoil too."

Too. TOO.

KUDO JUST WANTED TO GO AND BE DESTROYED FIRST. HE PUT THE FREEDOM OF RECOIL DOWN AS AN EXTRA BONUS SO THEY'D AGREE WITH HIS CHOICE.

I'd cut the image so it looks better, and I can use Bruce's words elsewhere, but this is an image limit, so,

- Kudo refused to let anyone else go first. This was before giving reasons to convince them he should leave first

- En gives reason to why it can't be Kudo. Kudo just says, "Listen." and reminds them of now.

- Look at Kudo's face when he says that. The guy knows what he's doing when he cuts off En, and would probably be a horrible liar. He might as well be pulling this out of his ass.

He's said "The world will end" "You have to or else" "Five minutes" "You're going to die" a few times in this fight already. DUDE STOPPP

(Terrible liar and a guy who purposely eggs you to torment? What a great friend he would be [yknow, when u make ur friends freak out by being ominous or reminding them of stuff. Like Toast to Lilypichu in a game of Observation Duty])

- "Too."

- Bruce's trust in him, but knowing when to pull Kudo back from going too far

Also, when he's transferred, he smiles to Midoriya. He knows he's about to die again, but the last thing he does for Midoriya is

1) Take away the recoil of his existence as a Factor on the boy

2) Reassure him that it's okay, so it doesn't weigh on his conscience

Even if only in thought, STILL!

KUDO LOOKED SO PROUD OF MIDORIYA!

I bet Kudo is suuuch a sentimental fool

> [Be me and watch your new friend die]

> [I have Yoichi's Factor]

> [It's like I carry his will now]

> [Have a glint of opposition in my eye that drives the Demon Lord and my comrades (Bruce) crazy]

> [Hey Bruce, let's figure out how it transfers]

> [Bruce's common sense VS my rabid ideas]

> [I win]

> [Bruce was unwilling the whole time and still ends up with the Factor]

> [The Factor is named One For All, after something in Yoichi's favorite comic book series]

> [We pass it on to the future to carry forward]

> [Even as everyone else and me dies, I make sure Yoichi and his will are safe from his Demon Lord brother that locked him up]

> [Decades later, my sweet vaulted friend reminds me of when we met]

> [I turn around and give my whole-hearted support to believe in some 15-year old boy because Yoichi believes in him too]

SEN - TIM - ENT - AL!

When Shinomori was stolen by AFO, Shinomori pushed everyone away before they could really notice the invader. Kudo called out for him.

Everyone is in shock, but I don't think it's a mistake that the text bubble calling out for Shinomori is pointing from Kudo.

All For One made it through and is ready to steal them, but the first thing Kudo did was call out for the one at the very front.

[On the post I made that mentions Shinomori pushing everyone away] What if Kudo wasn't pushed away? What if this was him at the front, realizing the danger and turning around, but being unable to do anything for Shinomori when he saw?

Like Bruce, Kudo communicates. He doesn't expect you to just follow or understand him. He actually lays it out and makes sure you keep up.

He explains

- the transfer of vestiges, and why he should go first

- his Quirk

- why Quirks are Quirks

- reports to Midoriya what's happening and what's next

- to Yoichi why they couldn't trust in a delusional boy. In a way that wasn't Bruce's roundabout "we lived in a terrible era and a leader gathered us"

When En panics, he barks at En to keep up. By barking at him, rather than any other way he could've used his tone, it shuts up En in his frantic babbling. Kudo also lets Vestige Might put in his thoughts to understand better, and uses it.

Eye reflection. Kudo can really see people for who they are, and understands others, and himself.

I can't repeat the pics cuz image limit, but look at previous panels here. For example, Kudo saying Yoichi's will lives in him, and when AFO reflected in his eyes

It's something I learned from Re:Zero. When a person in reflected in one's eye, something something that person can see the true core of you, of what you really are underneath everything. The eyes are the window and mirror [glass] of the soul. I finally see the true you.

AFO never reflected anyone.

But Kudo reflected AFO when the man accidentally killed Yoichi. He saw that AFO wasn't seeing anything, so later, Kudo smiled and mocked AFO at his own death.

"Yoichi?"

"He's gone."

"You killed him, Demon Lord."

And AFO hated that reminder.

Kudo was reminding him of what the truth was. Kudo saw it himself, and AFO blocked it out from the get-go. Kudo already knew what AFO was, what he was seeing, what he was doing to himself by blaming Kudo instead of himself.

And then, Kudo's eyes reflected his own hand when he realized Yoichi's Factor was in him.

Kudo clearly saw himself, and in himself, Yoichi. Nothing distorted it. It really was a clear mirror.

He really perceived Yoichi's will was living on, and was right. Otherwise, his eyes wouldn't have shown it.

Kudo was right about AFO. It's even implied back when he and Bruce had their backs turned; Kudo knew what AFO's real goal was. That was back when AFO preached unity and division under him.

Kudo could always see right through AFO. He really understood people from the start. And he never tried making up truths to justify what he was seeing, facing it head-on.

Kudo's lying about the world being black and white.

Kudo and Bruce saw the world as black and white. This was mentioned in the void.

Kudo also says, "Victory meant life. Defeat meant death."

But it's the Resistance. It's when Japan and the world was at their lowest. The world wasn't black and white; there's lots of gray.

Kudo and Bruce would've seen this. Kudo even admits that there's gray, just not directly.

Kudo says Yoichi knows, how he killed and trampled so many lives, to get back at AFO. He knows it wasn't right, or an amazing choice. Later, he says that when your back is against the wall, you have to make callous judgements. These hint at gray moments.

Kudo and Bruce have faced and been in the gray. But it's too hard to make the right choices, and there are times there is no right answer.

Historically, soldiers would convince themselves the enemy were monsters. They wouldn't be able to fight and kill them otherwise. They wouldn't be able to live with themselves without believing in this so badly.

Kudo and Bruce had to have been the same way. They were Meta Humans [Monsters] in a time they were viewed as diseased humans. The monsters were real. And they had a Demon Lord. Kudo and Bruce literally dressed up as soldiers.

Even if they were monsters to society, being Meta, Kudo and Bruce were still human. They knew this. The ones who tried believing in only black and white were inhabitants of the gray itself.

But they have to protect themselves. Kudo is so adamant that the world is only black and white, because he can't stand the gray. What it makes him do, what it means, that he's too weak to do anything.

Yoichi is an example of that gray area. The mortal enemy's younger brother, was actually locked up and sickly. He's just a comic book nerd. And it humanized the other side Kudo opposed so vehemently.

Kudo says victory is life and defeat is death. And Yoichi asked why he reached out to him then. He reminded Kudo of that gray area, and Kudo opened up.

Kudo might avoid the gray area because it's a matter of the heart and a moral dilemma, but it's what makes him human. When there's no right answer in the battlefield, he decides on his feelings instead.

He wishes the world was black and white, because it'd be so easy. But it's not.

Yoichi reminded him of how entering that gray area led to OFA ("when you reached out your hand to me"), and it had been the best choice in the end. The gray area is real, and Kudo's left a bare man with only his emotions when he's there.

Kudo is actually really kind and understanding. He's too soft for his own good. Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it makes sense (tag and image limit)

#KUDO IS UNDERRATED NEEDS MORE CONTENT RECOGNITION HES THE KINDEST WITTLE BOY EVER #my thoughts #i think ppl who write resistance stuff should also consider that not everything was black and white #there will be moral arguments where you cant decide. and the resistance has faced those sorts of things where There Is No Right Answer.#kudo is really kind tho. exactly because he cares so much he does all these things and tries to harden himself #but like exoskeletons work - its only an armor to protect the soft squishy insides and keep them from drying out #i woke up and had to put this stuff down #me: *picks up a sentence note in my fic notes* *puts it down here and elaborates*#the line was in relation to putting down stuff about the vestiges to remember dynamics #[Kudo is the kindest despite appearances]#kudo seems like he would be fiercely protective over ppl he cares about. exactly because hes seen so many of his comrades die over and over #kudo #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #spoilers #ofa #one for all #bruce #bruce is the meme of “*chuckles* I'm in danger” and its just. Kudo w/ his new crazy idea chasing him down with Gearshift and Yoichis Factor #hikage shinomori #en tayutai #yoichi shigaraki #ive been thinking he was kind for a long time but never elaborated why. if u look at his actions words and thoughts it all makes sense #theres underlying kindness in there. he wants to be kind but the world would scorch him if he didnt have a stick up his ass #also adding on to the prev tag of kudo and fiercely protective- because in their times comrades were everything. otherwise you were alone #the world sucks resources are limited and youre a diseased human [Meta]. but you have someone willing to walk with you.#also about the [Kudo is the kindest] note among the vestiges- i dont think any of the other vestiges would do what kudo did #calmly volunteering himself rather than it being in panic. extending a hand and saving what shouldve been his mortal enemy. yknow

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delusionalbitchinthehouse · 6 months ago

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Swiss hurt/comfort because I love him. So, so much. Featuring Dew being the absolute best.

It's a peculiar feeling, being the only multi ghoul in the Ministry. Sure, there are some who come close, like three-elemental hybrid Aurora, but Swiss remains, to this day, the only ghoul to detain control of all five elements. Well. "Control" might be a strong word.

He is good with fire, has always been drawn to this element specifically. Quickly started hanging out with the fire ghoul bunch after his summoning, feeling like he might fit in best with them. He is good, yes, but no more than that. Good. Average good. Nothing like the effortless and precise mastery of the element displayed by the fire ghouls.

Air comes relatively easily to Swiss. He has Cumulus and Cirrus to thank for that. Summoned at the same time as them, he remains very close to the girls, and spent countless afternoon practicing with them, learning how to weave breezes and gusts of wind, earning countless praises and kisses whenever he made progress. Still, Swiss has none of the girls' grace or range when it comes to manipulating their common element.

Surprisingly, he is quite good with quintessence as well. Quintessence, this mysterious, elusive element that's known to be so hard to control, somehow doesn't give Swiss as much troubles as he'd expected. In Aether's opinion, it might be that Swiss is so very curious of people, his mind craving connection, which would encourage the spark of quintessence within his grasp. But of course, because there always is a "but", Swiss is far from fully in control of it. He would never try what Aether successfully does to calm pain, soothe nerves or various other things.

When it comes to water...well. Swiss can, with a lot of focus, fuck around with weak currents, direct some droplets to splash someone in the face, or even, thanks to Rain's patient efforts, developpe small gills which allow him to breath semi-decently underneath the surface of the lake, but that's about it. Swiss, as much as he sometimes wishes he could, will never slink through the currents with the water ghouls' elegancy, silent and blending in so very well with their element.

Which leaves earth. Ah, earth. Swiss can feel it, the thrumming under his skin whenever he's surrounded by the element, in the forest guarding the Ministry's grounds or even Primo's beautiful rose garden. Yet Swiss can barely access to that power keeping itself just out of grasp, almost as if it was taunting him. No amount of time spent in the greenhouses helping Mountain, listening to his advice or copying his careful gestures can change that. But Swiss knows it's there, can feel it, and, on rare occasions, has his suspicions confirmed when flowers sprouts around his horns after being subjected to especially intense emotions.

So that is what Swiss is. Jack of all trades, master of none. And it gets to him, sometimes. He knows, realistically speaking, that people like him. That the Clergy sees him as a blessing, the Siblings are irresistibly drawn to him, that the ghouls are all over him. And yet, sometimes, he cannot help but feel like an outsider, a freak, something that shouldn't be, or at least shouldn't be that way.

It's often Dew who notices first when Swiss starts spiralling that way. Everyone always underestimates how perceptive and attentive to others the fire ghoul is, but Swiss has been on the receiving end of his quiet comfort enough times to know Dew cares, a lot. And somehow, when Swiss is overwhelmed by the objectively speaking irrationnal feeling of not belonging, Dew always manages to reassure him.

Maybe it's because the fire ghoul remembers his water days, when he struggled to connect with his element and felt like a disappointment, even with Mist always fiercely supporting him and expressing her pride in what Dew grew to become. In any case, he always find the words to appease Swiss, or, when words aren't what he needs, what to do to make him feel better.

A hand slipping in Swiss', an arm slung around his shoulders. A press of forehead against his, a cheeky kiss at the corner of his mouth. Sometimes, understanding that all Swiss needs is to be smothered with affection, Dew simply throws himself at the multi ghoul and wrestles him onto his back with surprising strenght before calling for a cuddle pile.

It's harder to feel like an outsider when your packmates are all purring and making happy noises on top of you.

#yeah so swiss is my little guy #and i will put him through mental anguish before giving him nice things #in this case the nice thing is dew #because dew cares and dew loves swiss #but yeah i imagine swiss sometimes feel like the odd one out #not being able to entirely relate to the other ghouls' experience no matter the element #and i think hybrids like sunny or aurora also get the feeling #but i have this idea that the more elements you have the less control you have over them individually #so if i follow my headcanon that sunny is fire/air and aurora fire/quint/air #they would still be in better control of their elements than swiss #so sometimes swiss really feels like he's a “poor excuse of a ghoul”#in what i believe would be his words #but thankfully dew is there to remind you that he's :#“not weird but unique. i would never want you to be any different swiss. because you are what you are and you deserve to be loved for it”#in dew's words #(aka the sentence that didn't make it in this but that i still wanted to put somewhere)#ANYWAY #I swear I love him #I just had angsty thoughts about him #swiss ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #nameless ghouls #the band ghost

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autisticlancemcclain · 1 year ago

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Could you explain your position on Shallura? Since Allura was established as a teenager when she started dating Lance and Shiro was very clearly an adult. I can understand the bi shiro headcannon but the shallura thing worries me

i am going to remind yall that i have been in this fandom since 2016. and in the early seasons, allura was not established as a teenager. in fact she was coded as older, as closer to shiro's age -- there was a specific divide between her and the younger paladins that she did not have with shiro. they made her younger (both explicitly and in mannerisms) as the show went on. and i do not give a fuck about voltron like...post s4 and i didn't even watch s7-8. so like. especially with older fics, im going to enjoy shallura.

#also this is less relevant and i was going to put it in the main post but i cant find the words for it #but i found your last sentence kind of condescending. “the shallura thing worries me” as if i am your little project and things arent going #to plan. as if you are the Knower Of All Things and i am straying from my path lol. twas odd #and this is a controversial thing to say i know it but like #we take fandom way too seriously. if someone decides in fic to make two characters the same age to ship them or whatever. do we really need #to get the torches and pitchforks. like i can understand discomfort when people ship like shiro and pidge or something but. also. i feel #like you can just block and move on?? like i dont ship sheith bc they are brothers. to me. but also i dont think sheithers should be #harassed or any dumb shit like that. i think its so so whatever like theyre Lines man theyre moving lines #at the same time i understand that peoples headcanons can be reflective of their worldviews (like when racism/transphobia/sexism shine #through someone's headcanons/characterization) but how much scrutiny is too much? when do we get to remember that fandom is a place to #work with the FICTIONAL? where you can change details without consequence? i saw a fic where keith was the older sibling and shiro was the #younger once. it was a good fic. how come we can play with ages but only when the Fandom Council approves?#i guess this is a really long and clumsy way to say like. you do not own the fandom nor do you get to dictate my work. and while there #is always room for necessary criticism please also think critically before you post your criticism #anyways #rant #ask

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betweenblackberrybranches · 2 years ago

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Fuck it! Funky Sun design dunno what i will do with him but the tape recorder is important!

This Sun is a little fucked up actually

#sundrop #fnaf sun #dca #daycare attendant #my art #i am actually havin a lil fun with the tape recorder concept #it goes into two directions #one: cute he has a tape recorder to play songs and its a happy au and everything is great maybe its an older version of him befor Bluetooth #two: horror he is a creepy motherfucker who speaks from the shadows only able to communicate with snippets of what he recorded #he speaks with other peoples words and its supper eery because sometimes he has to make really long pauses in a sentence to put in another #casset because the word he needs is on there #and it wouldnt need to be horror but id like to make it horror #could actually be cute too #idk #anyways

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spitblaze · 24 days ago

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This is going to sound mean but I mean this in the most sincere and compassionate way I possibly can:

If you see a comment on the internet that is transphobic towards your group and your first assumption is that the person who wrote it is a different kind of transgender and not cis, especially if that comment is completely removed from all context or anonymous, no avatar or username or anything, take that as a sign to log off for a few days or pick up a new hobby.

#spitblaze says things #im tired and the amount of bait going around presented as sincere is neigh on unbearable #like yes obviously there are trans people who are shitheads about other kinds of trans people but PLEASE think for a moment #about the odds of this actually being an Evil Nonbinary Person Who Wants All Binaries Dead vs some bored chud trying to sow discord #why do you assume it was a transmasc who wrote that cropped comment saying that they don't want to give up using a transfem-specific slur #(and no it's not the B one)#why do u assume a transfem wrote that comment about transmasc being a 'cultural void who only produce twee ukelele songs abt bugs'#why are you assuming that the people who hate you are other trans people? why do you assume the worst of your own community?#please dont let online discourse determine how you view other members of your community.#someone not sharing your gender identity does not automatically preclude them thinking of yours as abusive or predatory #and them not sharing yours does not mean they will be abusive or predatory to you either #someone SHARING your gender identity doesnt mean they wont be abusive or predatory #the odds someone with your identity will 'get you' are a lot better and to that end hell yeah make more friends like yourself #if you're doing it because you think it will 'keep you safe' though. uh.#well if they start telling you that you cant trust ppl who dont share their identity its time to start checking the BITE model #but thats neither here nor there.#stop reading the first three sentences of other ppls posts about their own oppression and then getting mad for not including your group #and putting words in their mouth about it also. thats a problem as old as time but yknow. dont be a tar pit

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spookygibberish · 5 months ago

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Made a faintly insane list of of every animated movie I have good enough memories of to feel confident ranking, although some of them I would probably move around if I saw them more recently....

#Apparently “It's Such a Beautiful Day” is my favorite American Animated Movie which is not something i REALIZED before I made this...#movies i haven't seen since i was a little kid aren't on here which excludes a lot of Disney Classics. I have seen more animovies than this #i made up the word animovies to fit that sentence in that tag #also i watched all of the nge reboot movies but it was several years ago and I genuinely do not remember anything that happened in them #i remember not liking them compared to the tone of the series or original movie or thinking they contributed much #despite ostensibly fleshing out the world more #the lower you go on this list the more deranged it looks #i am not actually a big Pixar stan or anything. i do feel like this list makes LUCA being my highest ranked Pixar movie make sense tho..#like. contextualizes that choice by laying bare my Proclivities #i have not watched as much complete and utter dogshit slop as Emily #i DID make her watch Igor (2008) tho it was like... not actually terrible but i went in with my expectations on the ground #i made this list when we were watching strange world and strange world didn't end up on this list on account of me not actually paying #enough attention on account of the deep thought i was putting into this instead #texting #off topic #I have not been having an easy time doing creative things so you get movie and book opinions #i feel vaguely apologetic for some of the choices in this. but not really. It's ranked 100% by how much i enjoyed it there is no pretense o #objectivity

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astraioskosmos · 2 months ago

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The Moth has cursed me once more with its yearning and so tonight I reminisce about what was as compared to what is, and my eternal love I ask a question to you; Did you know that I used to whisper to the Elegiast during the coldest nights in the softest whisper that he may allow us to be remembered together? That our names may be written side to side in his scroll so that even in Eternity we would be close? That if we were to be trinkets that he may place us next to each other, cold porcelain brushing against colder stone so that even in death I may imitate holding your hand?

My eternal love, did you know I used to sow tiny secrets to the Velvet in my dreams about us so that even the divine may know of our mutual adoration? That stone or wood-bark or soft soil in the Wood will forever have our initials scratched into them under her gaze? I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, by feeding the Velvet tiny pieces of our deepest desires she may favor us, and with that favor she may shelter and conceal us in the roots of the trees so that when the world got too big- too scary- we may have a place to go to and hide together until the fear lessened and dissappeared?

My heart still beats inside my chest like a drum, but my most precious love, do you know of how much quieter it is without you? It cannot be stilled and yet I can swear I have felt it cease its thunderous dance everytime the fear of you not coming back became too strong. In those moments I wondered, "is this how the Thunderskin felt?" for it loved the Ring-Yew, and yet none know if the Ring-Yew loved him back. Did his heart then feel as raw as mine as the Red Grail flayed him under the gaze of his love? Is he now doomed to be forever bruised as he is beaten like a drum to protect the skin of the world, to preserve the Wake, but never to know the affections of the Malachite? I fear that I too will be forever bruised to never again have your arms around me, your lips on mine and your voice and its sweet words in my ears.

And so my love, do you know of the Moth haunting me? Do you know of its yearning, of the restlessness so strong that even the Malachite cannot renew and heal my broken soul for all that would heal me is you? Do you know of the whispers in the coldest and darkest nights, now not to the Elegiast anymore but to another Hour that would be kind enough to listen so you may come back to me? Do you know of the scratched secrets and the roots, of how I read them on my fingertips and hide in them alone so that I may remember the spark of our love once more, so that I may imagine the feeling of your warmth once again?

Love is always at the whims of the Hours- so says the Sun-in-Splendor and the Forge of Days, the Thunderskin and the Ring-Yew, the Malachite and the Mare-in-the-Tree, The Wheel and the Flint, but we are not Hours and so I pray our love endures despite it all and my soul and heart find solace and healing in yours. I pray we grow old together, and when the time comes for us to come home to the Wood until we either pass the Stag Door or drift down into Nowhere the Elegiast will write our names side to side and honors the memory of who we were, what we went through, and of our love for Eternity.

#im really not doing okay tonight haha #you know who this is about. you know who you are.#I almost started crying putting those words together in sentences and I'm not ashamed to admit that #everything is scary and uncertain and i can only cope by autistic queer doom cards and poetry #book of hours #weather factory #book of hours game #boh #cultist simulator #rambles #poetry #for my eternal love

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