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intheshadowsbehindyou · 1 year ago

Text

The Mercs reacting to Y/N asking them about their past

Warnings: None

Scout:

- Uhhhhh

- It was… moderate? He got bullied by his brothers a lot but they eventually stopped as they matured. It was moreso the people at school that gave him trouble. Causing him to become aggressive and “misbehaved”

- His mother loves him to bits. She still spoils and frets about him to this day. Occasionally you’ll see candy sent to him in boxes on his nightstand with sickly sweet notes like “I love you my little baby bear : )” it’s borderline embarrassing sometimes. She never scolds him too roughly and always seems to know what advice to give.

- He doesn’t seem too thrilled telling you about his past. He tries to recall positive memories, like during the summer him and his family would frequent the beach. He seems to have had more positive times with his school friends as well. Mostly playing cruel pranks on adults.

———————————————————————

Soldier:

- He hesitates. It wasn’t great. That’s for sure. He was fed pretty strong propaganda as a child which led to him to become radical. This gradually died out over time and he became less and less bigoted. “I KILL EVERYBODY EQUALLY NOW!” He announces proudly, woohoo! character development.

- He vividly recalls beginning to question his sexuality around his teen years and being in a military training program for kids who wanted to serve their country. Which of course led to him having frequent gay sex in his young adulthood. Bruh.

- He always sorta had… really weird trigger-happy tendencies. He taught himself to shoot guns from a young age even know everybody opted against it. He then blew up an entire village, mistaking it for “FILTHY SOUTHERN TRAITORS CONSPIRING A SECRET BASE!”

- Nonsensical war stories that never happened and the only reason they exist is to make himself look good. They make you laugh. He’s full of himself, trying to impress you.

—————————————————————

Demoman:

- Yikes.

- “I.. Really don’t wanna talk about it.”

- He tells you bits and pieces from time to time about how terrible being an orphan was. Let alone having parents who didn’t care about him.

- He hates wizards because of Merasmus now. So there’s that. Straight up will beat the shit out of anybody that even remotely looks like a wizard. He’s more rational when sober but still has a deep passionate hatred for magicians.

- Manages to recall a more lighter story where he blew up his chemistry teacher’s entire farm as revenge for giving him bad grades. That was fun. He tells you this while fiddling with the inside of one of his bombs. Evidentially trying to get it working properly. “Yah, well I’d like to see that lot see me now. He’d bust a bloody vein in his wee little noggin tryin to comprehend how his ‘worst student’ managed to get this successful at demolition!”

- If you ask him more he’ll just shake his head. Stating it wasn’t that important and the past is the past.

———————————————————

Engineer:

- It was actually really good. His mother and father loved him. They were quite wealthy though and it caused him to be bit of a little prick. He always got pampered and spoiled to incredible degrees and was always a bit mischievous. He mellowed out and became his humble modern self over time though.

- He used to snicker over the fence while watching his neighbor’s lawnmower spontaneously catch on fire. That may or may not have been the result of his genius.

- Went to a prestigious school for incredibly smart kids and visited his grandfather on certain weekends. His grandfather was a bit preoccupied with work though so he’d take him to RED/BLU and pass on his building knowledge by showing him how to do stuff.

- Was always a very creative and well liked individual. Girls felt out of league with him in high school and they’d always shyly giggle as he passed by. They were always too timid to ask him out.

- One would often forget that Engineer is a deathly mercenary like the others. He showed blood thirsty tendencies from day one. His family encouraged it of course. Because why wouldn’t they! His father was so proud of him when he killed his first victim.. aaahh those little mercs grow up so damn fast. Engineer would laugh as he told you this. Great.

——————————————————-

Heavy:

- He becomes very grumpy. Crossing his arms and looking away. He can’t bring himself to stay mad at you, though. He knows full well that people only assume the best when asked a question such as this. He doesn’t blame you at all.

- He’s rather straight forward with it, and doesn’t hold back. “Heavy’s entire family was sent to ice prison and had little money. Not a single coin to hold us up. So, naturally work had to be done.” He goes on about how he was the breadwinner of the family and had the burden of carrying his entire family on his back. “Oh! and my father is dead.” He adds.

- JESUS.

- This man seemingly could never catch a break in his childhood. He did nothing but provide, work, and take it upon himself to be an adult at an early age. Not having many friends. Even having struggled in college. Mother of god. An absolute trainwreck.

- He assures you he’s fine, and he takes comfort in knowing he managed to come this far in the first place. Let alone to such an older age. “Stupid little baby will become big and strong like Heavy, and he will show you.” He tells you lovingly. Stroking your hair.

——————————————————————

Pyro:

- Looks confused and slightly concerned of why you’d ask such a thing. As if it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was here and now.

- They’re clearly avoiding this conversation, and brushing it off. Instead they want to show you this horrific forest fire they made! They think it’s so cool. Watching innocent fishing dads burn alive is cool.

- Redirects you and insists you tell them about your childhood first. Is very polite despite not enjoying the question and by the looks of things it’s better off to just leave the question be for a bit. They really don’t want to talk about it. To very high degrees. (pun intended.)

——————————————————————-

Sniper:

- He was a rather lonesome child. Preferring to sit by himself and never really participate in activities. His parents pushed him to socialize but he never really got that great at it. He also sort of tormented the other kids whenever he deemed them too noisy or annoying. Throwing rocks at their heads. He got rather good at this due to doing it so many times.

- He’d play pretend by himself in the backyard behind his house. Occasionally his father would join in, but after school he headed straight to his treehouse whilst his parents were busy and shot at poor birds with a pop gun. Scaring them half to death. He’s play his little hunting game until sunset, to when his mother would call him in for dinner.

- His father found his games quite cute and taught him how to shoot an actual gun eventually for the purpose of hunting. Aaaand he’d live to regret that.

- He was always an outdoorsy kid. Going on camping trips and petting zoos. He had a soft spot for certain animals and got caught hugging and kissing the top of a sheep’s head. Awww. He was affectionate in his young age. (Dont bring this story up to him ever again.)

—————————————————————-

Medic:

- “Ohhohoh! What a silly question! It was awful.”

- Nobody really liked how much of a nerd he was in school. Despite growing up in a village with a rather long lineage of medical “professionals” (I use that term loosely) he went to a school outside his village. He got bullied on a regular basis and people dumped paint in his hair while he was outside reading.

- This of course made a pretty sensitive child out of Medic. He was prone to being a “Cry-baby” and “too sensitive” in his classmates’ own words. He was also a mama’s boy which didn’t seem to help the teasing.

- Medic took rightly by his mother. She was batshit insane. The most stereotypical mad scientist you’d ever lay your eyes on. She’d read him bedtime stories which were very complex university textbooks for some reason.

- He took a liking to all his mother taught him. Books of the cosmos, math, and other stuff. Especially the medical science that was strung about the village. He developed an incredibly strong morbid curiosity for anything that seemed off or strange. Wishing to understand the world around him as much as possible.

- He took a magnifying glass into the garden and studied bees when he was five. Theorizing their stingers could create a miracle cure (It couldn’t. His allergic cousin fucking died and Ludwig thought that was hilarious.)

——————————————————————

Spy:

- “Hey Spy, can you tell me a bit about your childhood?”

- Immediately cloaks away.

- Goes missing for like several days.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #tf2 x reader #tf2 x oc #tf2 x you #medic x reader #demoman x reader #spy x reader #heavy x reader #pyro x reader #sniper x reader #engineer x reader

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kayleigh-83 · 6 months ago

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Hi, could you share which ROS events you use please 😀

I know I'd shared these a couple times before, but I scrolled back a bit and it's definitely changed a lot since the last time, which was August 2022! Back then I had 48 on the list, now it's up to 70.

Putting more info and the full list behind a cut to save your dash!

I just keep all my gameplay notes and stuff on my ipad, easiest for me. I don't use an ROS program or anything so there's no weighting, no major or minor scenarios etc. I just use Siri or random.org to pick a number.

The scenarios are a mix of other people's lists I've found, plus ones I've made up myself. It's pretty nice to my Sims so there aren't any death or divorce ones or anything lol. I've removed some I used to use as my gameplay has evolved, if they no longer fit.

Day out - all eligible Sims go to a community lot

Movie night - invite friends over for a movie and snacks

Picnic - make food and go to a park for a picnic

Family reunion - invite over any known family members

Blind date - call matchmaker for a single Sim

New outfit - your Sim wants a new outfit, go shopping

Games night - no homework for kids, play games all night

Large pet adoption - get a cat or a dog, Roll dice to choose

Small pet adoption - a small caged animal will join the family (including rabbits)

Grouchy - your Sim picks d4 arguments with another

Vacation time - spend a couple nights away at a vacation destination (or more!)

Fitness regime - your Sim wants to work out, get fit and eat healthy

Rebellious - child or teen skips school and doesn’t do homework for 1 to 3 days, sneaks out, bad interactions

Date night - take a Sim couple out on a date

It’s a phase - a child will only wear a costume for 1 to 3 days, teens get a piercing or drastically change appearance

Party time - throw a party!

Friendly neighbour - chat up the next d3 walk bys

Bad influence - influence someone to do something stupid d4 times

Take advantage - influence someone to do you a favor d4 times

Exchange student - host a teenager from a foreign country; receive $5000 from the exchange agency to cover your expenses

Tired of cooking - order delivery at least once a day for 2 to 4 days

Shopaholic - patronize at least 4 different local businesses this round

Stray love - greet and interact with the next stray you see, try to adopt

Old pets, new tricks - teach a pet a new command

Lottery win - roll dice 1 to 10 and multiply by 10,000

Scratch card win - roll dice 1 to 10 and multiply by 1000

Worst fears realized - fulfill 5 fears in a rotation

Barber shop - change your Sim’s hairstyle

Four eyes - your Sim needs to get glasses

Witchy - become a witch for at least two rotations

Redecorate - choose a room or space in the home and give it a facelift

Identity crisis - change aspiration for this round

Reconnect with friends - invite 2-4 friends for an outing

Make Your Move - if single, try to initiate a romantic relationship with a Sim that you have a high relationship/chemistry with

Time to Commit - if you’re in a romantic relationship but uncommitted, take it to the next level (either go steady or engagement/marriage depending)

Scary dare - visit the cemetery at night

Dine out - go out to a restaurant to have a meal

Lead by Example - have your Sim encourage their child in a trait they value

Kitchen Renovations - no dishwasher or stove, just a sink and microwave or toaster oven, while you wait for the new appliances to arrive! (D4 days)

On the prowl - take a single (or romance) Sim out on the town to pick someone up for woohoo (or teen level activities)

Hobby Focus - Spend at least two hours every day doing an activity for your chosen hobby

Brace face - child or teen Sim must get braces for the round

Dye Job - dye hair a different colour for the round

Slumber Party - teen or child invites friends over for a sleepover

Cool Parent - try to befriend d2 of your kid’s friends

Playing Matchmaker - influence a friend to flirt with someone else

ISBI light - pick a Sim and control only them for 3 days

Creature of the Night - become a vampire for the round

Unexpected Tax Bill - lose d20-40% of your family funds to unpaid back taxes

Power outage - d2 days with no power (only make uncooked meals)

Family Heirlooms - inherit d3 family heirlooms from a distant relative; use kaching and purchase items of around $1000 each

Infertility - your Sim is sadly no longer able to have children!

Orphan relation - a close relation has died, leaving their child orphaned! As the closest living relative, you are now the legal guardian. Move in a toddler or child (d2). Receive $5000 from the government for your generosity to help raise the little tyke.

Rocky relationship - couple argues at least 2 times a day in the round

Great aunt/uncle in town - create an elderly Sim to come stay for the round - after they become a townie if desired

Bylaw fine - your Sim put the trash out to the curb too early and have received a bylaw fine - d6 x $100

Start a club! Find up to 3 Sims who share your hobby, and get to know them better. If you can participate in your chosen hobby together, even better!

Money tree! Your Sim finds a mysterious tree in a pot by their front door. The note on it says to use it wisely because it will only be around for a short time? Buy a money tree and keep for one rotation

Resurrect old friendships - call and invite over the friend your Sim has lost touch with the most (lowest relationship score while still being friends)

Customer appreciation day - to thank your loyal customers for their patronage, mark down the prices at your shop for a day and provide treats for your customers

Ambrosia - take a sip from the elixir of life (Roll to choose between adults or elders in the household)

Mate like rabbits - risky woohoo d5 times in the next 48 hours, hope there aren’t any unintended consequences!

Unexpected vet bill! Your little companion swallowed something they shouldn’t have and the bill comes to $5000! If you don’t have enough money, you might have to take out a loan.

Woohoo scavenger hunt - must woohoo on/in four different possible locations this round (bed, couch, car, photobooth, hot tub, changing booth, elevator)

Lost a dare - walk around in a silly costume for d3 days, go on at least one date or outing in it

Holding a Torch - your Sim is feeling nostalgic for their first crush; have them meet up for a date and see where it leads…

Running with the pack - become a werewolf for the round

I Want More! - your Sim now has six want slots

Changing Preferences - change all your turn ons and turn offs - will this affect how you feel about your significant other?

A Sudden Craving - change to grilled cheese aspiration for the round

Kibble of Life - give your four legged friends something to help keep them around longer

Sudden Poverty - family funds reduced to $100

Sudden Weath - family funds increased to $250,000

You Can't Always Get What You Want - try not to fulfill any wants for d5 days

#ts2 #the sims 2 #ts2 simblr #ros scenarios

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asukaskerian · 8 months ago

Note

Battlefield Terra is one of those works that just...changed my brain chemistry for so many reasons. I still go back and read it and think about it. This isnt an ask to return to it (though wouldn't be upset) but just to like thank you for putting the amount of it that you did out there

.__. *squish squish* thank you.

i cannot REMEMBER for the life of me if i ever posted any of the scene bits i had written in the chapter i never completed. first scene is actually one i love a lot, but then the battle scene was overtly complex and too long and had required so many rewrites and nothing worked. hghghhg.

but. anyway. this is the scene with the fallout from the "oh shit i kissed the alien am I GAY after all?????? oh fucking hell why did i notice JUST AT THE SAME TIME AS I NOTICE HOW MUCH HE'S NEVER GONNA *DECIDE NOT TO GO HOME* vfbndjh gnx;"

"And this is why it never pays to be stingy with technology," Jane said philosophically from the bucket seat next to John.

Strapped in like a sausage in its skin, John still managed to turn his helmet and grin at his sister. "Aw, come on, you didn't want the industry to cut into its profit margin, did you."

In the corner of his -- of all the pilots' -- glasses was an explosion of Spanish and Chinese sentences, nonsensical words, and Roxy-worthy typos.

The industry thing was mostly a joke; the think-typing-thoughts interface had first been developed for quadriplegics and amputees, and outside of hardcore nerds and professionals whose job required they be able to code very fast, people still preferred using their actual hands. One good reason for it: at the level of miniaturization necessary to put the brain sensors into glasses, it was new enough to still be expensive.

The new communication hub was a complete mess of hundreds of people trying it on for the first time, and it was hilarious.

"--Wow, hey, I know what that guy is doing! Oh my god, it's excellent, he's trying to think in sign language." Roxy giggled, tried to kick her feet only they were also strapped in. The craft was still accelerating, after all. Bleh. "Only then he has to transcribe into English, and he's doing it super literally! Hehehe."

Jane perked up a little. "Huh! No wonder the grammar was odd."

ID28YB: holy shit were all guna die in space aaaa

ID28YB: on the upside italics!

ID17NC: fuck how do you backspace backspacebacmlnpi

ID13JA: SARGANT MY CAPCLOSK IS FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ID01JA: Like shit it is, PrivatE.

ID01JA: DamN.

ID98NZ: fifty Nine bottles of beer ON THE WALL, take one DOWN pass itaround FIftynIneBOTTLES on Thewall!!!!!

"I'll be so glad when they lock it down to emergency communications again," Jade said from John's other side, and sighed.

"At least the bosses forbid them to use colors," John said, trying for consoling. (He kind of failed, mostly because he was snickering.)

Jake chuckled from his seat at the end of the line, on Jade's other side, but didn't add anything. He hadn't really been talking much ever since they took off, and since they couldn't lean out of their seats it was really hard to see what face he was making. John wondered if he was worried about --

Of course he was worried. And if John thought about all the reasons why, he was going to start to fret too. His stomach was already in a knot behind the adrenaline grin, no need to double down on it.

"Hey Jake," he threw out, with no idea what kind of light-conversation topic he was going to pull out. "D'you think--"

"Say, chaps, I think I feel lighter!" Jake interrupted.

"Huh, yeah, maybe?" John tried to bounce his leg and wasn't sure if there was a difference yet. It was hard to feel the lessening weight of his body when it was such a knot of anticipation already, and when he couldn't move. "Wow. Are we reaching cruising speed already? There was no announcement--"

The door opened and Corporal Vantas stepped through.

(Not Karkat. There was a difference.)

"Woohoo, you clean up nice!" Roxy said with a whistle as he stalked closer in his alien boots and his space-black flight suit, head bare but for the jarringly pink headset nestled against his horns. John noticed all over again that his skin was slate gray, that his eyes were violently red and yellow.

That he moved through the heavy gravity of the rocket's push like it wasn't even there, when John himself -- at least at first -- would have wobbled.

"What mean -- no, I don't care."

He sat beside Jake in the free seat at the end that should have gone to Dirk, and disappeared from John's view, what with the helmets and the protruding edges of the bucket seats. John swallowed and put a smile on his face, even though no one was going to see him. For a second he had thought Karkat was coming toward him. Haha, silly.

"No more talk with the Generals, Karkat?" Jane asked, tone forcefully light.

"Mm. No."

"Talk with us now? Do you have anything important to say or just hanging out?"

John's eyes flitted over the logs on his glasses, the higher ranks starting to organize to separate the chatter by platoons. It was still mostly banter and bad jokes.

"...Hanging out? Yes. Hanging out. Here, not... other here. I'm Corporal not General, it's not fucking right I'm with them."

It was the exact same tone the Marines John knew used when they got offended when their chain of command got dumbass ideas. Heh.

Maybe a little hesitation. Maybe just the translation issues.

JH: haha, you guys *wish* you could type in colors!

ID28YB: if by colors u mean rainbow fruity goodness then sure :(

ID28YB: i wanted mauve goddamn!!

JH: maybe better that you can't have it, echidna would have had to cut you. :'(

(Urgh. He missed Rose. He wished she were well enough to fight with them today.)

Jade joined the conversation, asked Karkat about... John wasn't listening. What the politicos had told him, when he was alone with them without a translator. Stuff. Boring stuff.

Karkat's low, gravelly voice kept slipping into his ears no matter how hard he tried not to pay attention to the words. ("You talk I fall on you a lot. Maybe you want --")

Anyway when the loudspeaker in the wall started talking he was pretty glad.

"Attention troops, cruise speed has been reached. Stay seated until your immediate superior allows you to stand..."

Two clicks echoed around him, Jade and Roxy undoing their security harnesses in unison.

"Oh my god, I'm so stiff," Jade groaned. "I'm going to check on Remington, anyone wanna come with?"

"You sit still for longer stretches of time in battle," Jane pointed out as she freed herself in turn, as Jake was still fighting his clasps.

"In battle my seat is perfectly adapted to my butt!"

The girls started to file out, talking about butts, and John almost heard Dave mentioning butt massages, almost mentioned it himself but. No. That would have been wrong even if two thirds of the lot weren't family.

He thought of following them. He would just skip along, snicker and stretch his legs and tease the Marines and...

"See you guys later," he said instead, waving without looking, heart a pulsating knot in his throat. "Karkat and I have to practice the telepathy-typing thing. Well, mostly me."

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, listened to the tread of boots on the hard plastic floor.

He didn't need to look in order to know which one of them was Karkat, getting up and moving one seat down the line.

Leaving one seat empty between them. Huh. John wasn't sure how to take that one.

"Huhn. You want telepathy now?"

John winced to himself. "It's pretty much now or in the middle of battle, isn't it?"

A beat of silence, and then Karkat grunted an acknowledgement. "Mm."

"Mm," John agreed, and kept on not making a move toward his own headset. Karkat's was already in place, possibly already turned on. John just had to tap.

"Maybe we speak and then headsets," Karkat suggested.

"... Yeah, maybe that."

John made a superfluous noise of agreement, and then groaned and pushed his helmet off his head, tucked it between his feet. He took his gloves off next, dropped them inside the helmet, and then buried both hands in his hair to scratch and rub with vigorous frustration. It did not soothe him as much as he had hoped for.

"This is the worst timing," he groaned, muffled, as he curled forward until he could prop his elbows on his thighs and lace his fingers behind his head. His spine cracked.

The worst timing, and the worst thing. He wasn't sure he'd have taken it much better elsewhere, with more time to take care of the fallout. It sucked. His head was a mess just when he absolutely needed to be as perfectly in the zone as he had ever been in his entire life.

"I'm sorry," Karkat said quietly. "We do big things today. I was stupid. Even if you said oh yes good, kissing! it's other things in our head and we can't have other things in our head now. I didn't do the good thing."

John groaned quietly, face prickling with heat, and closed his eyes. "No, it's... Yeah. Yeah, okay, that wasn't -- the right time. But you... You were right. I was looking."

He hadn't managed to stop looking even once since he'd seen Karkat naked, coming out of his slime. Maybe he had even been looking before that, playing it off as fascination with Karkat's alienness. Kind of like 'haha no I just like looking at his horns because they're weird, so random amirite!' only with everything else on top of the horns, like his little bitey teeth on goth-black lips and his bare toes and the fit of his goddamn dress suit at the summit--

"So why--" Karkat fell silent, drew in a breath, and then released it in a long, hissing sigh and muttered under his breath in alienese. John couldn't even offer a guess from the tone this time around.

Why did you kiss back, he could have been asking. Why did you stop kissing. Why did you never make a move. Why did you make a move now. Why are you such an idiotic mess.

Answer was the same for all of them, anyway. "I don't know."

"Why do you not know that?!" Karkat shot back -- more incredulous than angry, but John winced anyway. "How you look at a people and don't know, and other people tell you 'yes, them' and you say 'haha, no' and you're wrong?"

"Oh, shut up!" John snapped as he threw himself back into his chair, his arms coming up to cross tight against his ribs. Even now he couldn't look toward Karkat at all, shoulders curled in and away from the other man. His stomach felt like someone was squeezing it with both hands; his face still prickled with mortification. It was awful, he wanted to get up and run just to get moving, stop having to think on it -- leave the feeling behind -- but he knew better than to think it would work. He knew better and he still wanted to try, flinching and too tense; what a shit condition for battle. Fuck. "I know, okay? I'm the most stupid jerk--"

Karkat's hand was hot even through the glove.

He tugged on John's elbow, lightly, squeezed a little.

"Zhann."

"... Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," he said, sounding tired, and his hand fell from John's arm. "It's shit words."

John sneaked him a look; Karkat wasn't looking directly at John either, mouth pinched in discomfort, eyes dim somehow.

"Is it I'm alien and it's gross? So you don't in your head because ... haha, gross, can't be true--"

"No!" John spluttered, turning in his seat as much as he could to face him. "No, no, you being an alien is -- it is weird, but it's not bad, it's just not normal. It's... You're a guy?"

Karkat looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed. "Huhn?"

God. It figured. For all the joking about Karkat being gay that John had been doing like an asshole, he'd mentioned an old girlfriend too, and the cat girl who liked him that he didn't want to lead on, and it had never felt like she was disqualified because of boobs.

Also -- ugh, thanks Dirk and his casual beach gossipping -- Karkat thought Jade's butt was nice, and so was Mr. Strider's. So. Bisexual.

The way he looked now, baffled and not liking it, it was a little like he had never heard of someone who wasn't. Oh boy. What a mess. John raked a hand through his hair, tried to get back into explaining mode.

"It's -- we're mammals, remember? We need a boy and a girl to. To make little humans. That means normally we don't want other males, or other females, because -- there can be no babies? So a boy doesn't have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, and... The other way around, too. Boy and girl, yes, boy and boy no?"

"... Huhn."

"I mean. Some men like men! Dirk and Mr. Strider like men. But they knew it pretty early on. They knew when they were kids -- when they were small? -- that they were like that. And I've never." He swallowed. "I've never. Thought about a guy. Like that."

"Oh."

"And it's really weird." He gave a twitch of a shrug, looked away. "... And I don't know if it's because of the telepathy."

"Oh," Karkat said again, but this time he sounded stricken, not baffled.

John dropped a hand on Karkat's forearm across the empty seat, patted awkwardly -- wanted to squeeze or hold his wrist (or hold his hand) but that was just -- even such a short touch made his stomach twist with odd queasiness, his face flush back to maximum redness. "It's okay, buddy. I don't -- it's just. ... Don't feel bad, okay, that's stupid, I just -- it is weird, but --"

Karkat's breastbone beeped. Scowling down, he fished his tablet out of his collar, unrolled it, shook it stiff. Oh. Little countdown shown in rows of dots, going one by one from red to dark.

Five seconds to a dot, fifteen dots to a row, and how many rows... Hm. Ten minutes left before... John wasn't sure. They weren't going to be there yet in ten minutes.

"My mech. Gotta wake up, it's slow." Karkat waved a brisk hand, eyebrows furled in worry.

John closed his eyes. "Do you want to practice the mind-typing?"

"It's not want," Karkat grunted, slanting him a look. "... It's going to be bad."

"Mm."

"We need bigger time, not this," he added, tapping the tablet with the outside curve of a claw.

John tried out a dry shrug, and thought to himself that he really didn't enjoy it, that 'if you fuck this up you will have fucked everything up' feeling. Dread was for the battlefield, not for stupid interpersonal relationships.

"Probably. We can keep working on it once we're in our mechs, too..."

Karkat snorted, replied something in alienese that had to be 'We had better.'

Yeah, okay. John just had to put his helmet back on.

"We don't have time for this crap!" he growled -- whined, if he wanted to be fair, something strangled and pleading, frustrated.

"Mnh."

John curled forward, hands cupping his temples, elbows on his knees. "Damn it. I don't -- I can't -- in ten minutes, that's too--"

There was no way he was going to be able to stop thinking about all the things he didn't want to think about, all the things -- the petty, selfish things -- he didn't want Karkat to know about.

Like the incontrovertible fact that no matter what John figured out he wanted, whatever compromises they found with each other, there was no magic button that would make Karkat stay.

He'd been in Karkat's head too much to imagine for one second he would weigh out John and the dubious safety Earth offered him against his people -- his people abused and thrown out like shark bait to be mowed down by enemies and superiors alike -- and choose John.

John was pretty sure Karkat wouldn't even choose Gamzee.

"Do you want sex."

John flinched around and back so fast he hit his shoulder blade against one of the edges of the seat.

Karkat was looking back at him -- steady, John thought at first, but his lower eyelids were tight, his cheeks just a little dusky. The heat on John's face cooled down just barely at that.

"I ask so it's not more alien bullshit thing. It's what you want?"

"Oh my god," John protested, looking around wildly in case anyone had managed to open the sealing doors to the small room without the hiss of pneumatics warning them. "I don't know! I'm not -- I swear I'm not lying, I don't -- this is freaking me out."

"I see that, dumbass," Karkat said, but almost nicely. "You're so bad in your head, I don't know you can get that much a clusterfuck."

John groaned, slumped forward again.

"... Mouth thing, was good?"

"... Yeah."

"Touching?"

John gave a little grunt, eyes closed.

"Want where?"

"Why do you need to know?!"

There was a moment of silence like Karkat rolling his eyes, or maybe just watching him, waiting. John didn't check.

"Zhann."

"... Horns? Maybe your hands. I kind of. Want to see your claws. We could sit close? We could--" He choked. His face prickled so hot it almost hurt. He wanted to touch Karkat's face, follow his nose with a fingertip -- he wanted Karkat to allow that, the trust and closeness it would mean.

"That's where?" Karkat grumbled, gave John a frustrated look. John tore his eyes away, ducked his head. Where had he -- when they had kissed (his mouth tingled like an echo) -- when Karkat was so close, almost on his lap, what had he --

"Your thighs," he whispered, dizzy with nerves and shame. "Inside." He clenched his knees together, hands knotted between them -- oh, Karkat's legs clamped down on his hand, all warm and snug. Muscles bunching, straining. So close to his -- his. Oh shit, John couldn't pop a boner inside his flight suit, not while Karkat was watching, while they were hashing out how much of a total clusterfuck this was going to be.

There was silence for too long -- three seconds, ten, every single one tightening his shoulders, knotting his guts worse, nausea and heat mingling dizzyingly.

"... Put your head thing on, Zhann."

John groaned out loud. "Are you kidding me, I will die. I don't want you to -- there's too much, it's. We can't!"

But when he glanced at the tablet still across Karkat's lap they were down to the last two rows of dots and it was now or never. More accurately, now or on the battlefield when they were supposed to coordinate two forces that had never fought together against ... however many of those aliens who wouldn't have followed some random high-ranked asshole from nowhere into open rebellion.

He shoved the helmet down before he could think about it twice. It felt too tight, like he was going to strangle, to be crushed.

Karkat felt too close; an empty seat between them and John still remembered him in Excalibur's cockpit, how easy it would have been to slip on his lap and kiss and--

(Yeah okay definitely sexual there) flitted through his mind from Karkat, alongside ... surprise, oh wow, so violent, stop feeling, not the end of the world --

John flashed back to his previous thought -- sitting next to each other and his hand trapped between strong thighs and oh shit he was getting hard, no, no --

(hand pushing higher) echoed back briefly, edged with curiosity, a spark of -- Karkat shook his head, slapped his own hands down onto his knees, hard enough to sting. John startled. "Okay!" Karkat said, staring straight ahead.

He was maybe smiling a little.

Okay yes we need to talk later I don't fuck and run (do you?)

John spluttered. "How would I know!" I've never/and run where anyway we're on an island!

Take your mech, zip off? (laughter) (mister space pilot, so locked in.) Wait, never? How old-- oh right no one around only older adults and your tangleclan/friends and you can't with half of them because blah blah mammals (and not boys? Why not boys. Aliens what the fuck.)

John groaned again, hands on his helmet since he couldn't get to his face. Could have Rose or Roxy! Roxy was my first kiss! (haha sloppy-alright-nice but I saw you fingers up your nose too much as a kid sorry John I like you tender-nice but it all fizzed out) and Rose kissed me on a dare and it was like kissing Jane it was horrible.

And that was the entire fucking extent of your romantic and sexual experience oh my dear little dark gods that's pitiful. (sharp/teal/lovely-blade moaning over me (tight-soft-deep) other hurried hands in dark corners--) shit sorry--

Oh. Of course Karkat had had sex before. Of course he would know more, of course John was hopelessly late and useless -- he couldn't even bring himself to think about, about kissing, never mind what happened later, he was a kid--

The tablet beeped.

"Shit," Karkat said in English, and another few words that echoed as bounce me around on a bladed dildo. Which, yeowch. He turned to stare at John, already half out of his seat and leaning forward, a claw-tipped hand clenched on the armrest. "(I gotta get going now. John, do you--)"

He was leaning forward like he was about to kiss John, if John hadn't been wearing a helmet, and John knew full well that wasn't at all what he'd been doing, knew because he was in Karkat's brain, and still couldn't help but fear-hope for it.

(I'll kiss you if we win) flashed between them, too fast to hold back. No wait sorry (god it'd feel nice) we have to talk first and -- not now, cannot be now.

John laughed, mostly from nerves. I'll come with you (sit in cockpit think tappy thoughts oh my god they'll love transcripts of your foul mouth be hilarious what if I accidentally transcribe the sex thoughts too oh no oh no--)

Karkat's hand caught his wrist.

"(Do you trust me,)" he said low and intense, in an alienese that John almost didn't notice as not English from how strong the mind-echo was.

The response came embarrassingly instantaneous. "Of course I --" He swallowed. What do you want me to do?

Okay. (You are ridiculous) (thank you.)

Karkat crinkled his golden-red eyes at John and for the first time John realized he doesn't mind how I feel.

Crushes happen, Karkat replied almost casually, with a little pleased-flattered-glad trill running underneath. Crushes happen to me in particular all the damn time so I have no stones to throw. (I know this one is worse, tangled-odd with headsets but it was kind of predictable too especially because of the headsets.)

A harsh beep.

No more time. Follow me?

Follow you where, John wondered, and then Karkat showed him.

His mind nudged closer. Body alive with battle arousal, heart thumping too fast, just barely shaky in his body and he need-wanted John's cheerful-calm interest, his certainty. They should absolutely not kiss before the battle because he would cling and waste time hoping for time to stop instead and also they really needed to hash that shit out but oh, so smug that he'd been right all along. His face winced briefly at whatever echo John sent back, and then he --

(Terrifying/not right/I will never manage alone.)

John's gorge rose. (can't let that happen/you're not alone (I'm not alone either can't be please god--)

(Good,) rang like a bell between them, and then Karkat's direct, almost forceful Dive(/echo/merge) with me.

John's hands closed tight enough on the armrests that the hard plastic cracked under his fingertips at the thought, visualized like two discordant graphs slowly entering resonance, like rebounding, endless echoes -- the pattering, muted thunder of armies in lockstep. But -- but too close so many things I can't share, how?! Can't sync if we're like this I'm mortified (want to die/hide/wash it out of my brain) you're -- you're --

I want to fight. (Scared to fight.) I need to fight. Silly flurry of thoughts -- bothersome, I have them too (misjudged when to tell people about psychics, misjudged you, (this is not a romcom where you are the heroine what the fuck Vantas,) could have endangered/maybe did endanger the operation twice) we can sync on that! (would be bad). Or we can sync on --

Mechs. Piloting.

Winning the goddamn battle.

We had better not think of beds, John sent Karkat, smile shaking on his face. Karkat snorted back, crooking him a smile.

They bumped foreheads -- or forehead and helmet -- and straightened up, because it was time to go.

They stood (John stood) and walked to the door, one-two, one-two. (Easier if we walk in sync, they agreed, and wondered if it would also work mirrored. But they would experiment later, John, now where was the hangar?)

It was… odd, not quite seamless, little twitches of individual thoughts -- not like last time, at the conference.

It was easier when a Marine came across them -- Sergeant, look at the shoulder bars -- and said, "I was assigned to escort, uh, you, Corporal Vantas..."

"We're coming," they assured her with two mouths (unnecessary) (but which is it again.) "How long do we have left?"

"Four minutes," she said, carefully expressionless in her bulking power armor, the helmet politely open still as she placed herself opposite from the claws side.

Can you blame her though? haha.

It's not like I didn't help patch those weaknesses.

How'd you even find -- oh, yeah.

Of course horn sense would perceive the electricity field where crucial wires ran, the way a solid plate trembled under a headbutt at the weaker places, of course Karkat's terror would crank his pitiful amount of sensitivity up higher and the luck of frenetic, half-blind panic do the rest.

The upgraded armor would be a little harder but they had the brute strength to punch through and the claws to tear wiring free. Should be easy -- but the Marines weren't the enemy. Strong-respectful-friendly-safe. Distant-confused too (we're too young for how much weight/responsibility we carry) but nice, mostly.

The bay where they were keeping (dad) the mech was empty, if well-guarded; the Marines had taken the warning that the biomechs sometimes ate people to heart, it seemed. Which was hilarious, because (dad) was way too tired to lunge and chomp, which... wasn't funny at all, actually. (When they won, the first thing they'd do would be to put him to a feeding/repairs station.)

They scaled the black-shelled side of the mech, pushing and pulling each body from handhold to foothold -- chinks in the shell, the edge of a plate. (They avoided the gaping cavity of its ripped-away manipulating-arm, no matter how convenient it would have been for a step-up.) The edge of the cockpit opening was cracked open like a wound, ready to be pushed through -- convenient but loose because dad was tired; worrying but nothing to be done for now -- thank god they'd gotten the flight suit back because those weird cotton clothes were a clinging, heavy pain when soaked through with neural gel...

Oh right. John's flight suit might not react quite well to the neural fluid now that dad-mech knew it. What if it dissolved? Haha, naked in the cockpit. Or more like half-naked with strategically placed, slowly widening holes, talk about a porn flick setting. Didn't help that the dissolving/digesting gels used to clean dirt and dead skin cells might also trigger if Dad felt contrary enough and also eat through yeah okay, that was an unsexy thought. John/Karkat crouched, one body on the solid edge, one across the cracked-open plates, and then sinking, eyes closed.

It was the perfect temperature inside, but that never made that first deep breath of gel any easier. He breathed air deeper with the body still outside, like the unencumbered-lungs feeling could help (it helped, even though oxygen wasn't going to come through telepathically. Bodies were stupidly easy to trick.) and settled inside within the nest of coils, seeking out the one that went -- ow, yeah, there, in the flight suit slot at the base of his neck, between the vertebrae.

Wake up, he thought at it, through the neural gel and through the spinal tap, letting it feel his nerve impulses so they could sync more thoroughly. Wake up, (flight systems, weapon arms, no more standby) there's a battle coming.

Once the process was started it was a matter of waiting until it was sufficiently awake (and burning through the last of its energy.) The Karkat body wiggled into place, let the other tentacles slot into their ports to read his every muscle twitch, so the mech would be ready to move before he even thought it coherently enough to decide exactly what movement he wanted, and then settled down.

It was easier to keep in sync if they weren't both doing different things. The John body waited until the other one was at rest and then stood up, let himself slide along rib covers until gravity flung him off entirely, still pretty high over the ground; he landed in a perfectly timed crouch, laughing a little in admiration (Gods of the Devouring-dark but this body was convenient) and walked out of the hangar.

The Marines at the door didn't look at him like a stranger-threat or even a superior-officer-threat, more like a low-caste soldier might look at a beloved high-blue who cared-possessive for them (still dangerous in the abstract, never quite controllable, but theirs.) It was so strange, so normal.

"Is Corporal Vantas going to stay inside his mech?" the sergeant asked him, falling into step.

"Yes, Sergeant," he assured her soberly. "Until we go."

They weren't sure why that got them a weird look, but it was probably nothing to fret about. The metal mechs' bay door was just there -- similarly guarded but they let John/Karkat pass without a word; one of them nodded at him, fierce and grim-eyed. He nodded back the same way, and then -- oh -- worried that it might worry them, because John usually joked before a battle and soldiers didn't like things to be different. Bad luck. But by then they were at the lift and it was a bit too late to fret about the mental state of grunts.

They opened the cockpit and walked in, swung around to sit. The butt-hollow still felt wrong.

So many buttons and toggles and it was a wonder John never got them wrong regarding which did what. (Heh.)

The arm-rest where Karkat had sat ... for a moment John-alone was sent reeling, buzzing, experiencing it from the other side -- the tingle of excitement-certainty, that wordless moment when you finally knew the other person was interested, had been flirting back, the pleasure-relief of feeling wanted and known. So touching-surprising-soft to find John so far from cocky carelessness, from being sure of Karkat.

It was sweet, Karkat felt. John stared at the screens he was bringing to life and read the words he knew by heart like they might have changed somehow, tried to think war thoughts.

Weapons check, Karkat thought, tinged with apology-for-the-distraction, tinged with fondness/you-are-sweet.

John went through a weapons check.

They'd left him Excalibur's usual monofilament swords, breakable as they were -- one-hit kills was more Dave's thing than John's -- but he had his hammer too, and the more usual set of bombs and missiles.

Also two EMP bombs. He thought back to Karkat shying away from the microwave and the difference in yield and --

Yeowch vicious yeah that'll work. Not through the home-ship hull (gotta shield from star radiations) but it'll work. How come no one generals-making-plans told me we had that -- wait fuck I'm stupid of course no one would tell me when they were still considering using it on me. It'll work on the biomechs and probably the troop transports but I don't know about the range.

Excal's got good radiation shields, so we can get pretty close and make sure of the kill, John reminded him, and then Karkat reminded him they weren't supposed to wade in, just watch-coordinate from the back.

Like that'll last, they both thought, so closely that maybe neither one had thought it first, that they'd just both had the exact same amused-despairing reaction.

They went through the flight check in comfortable, whispering quiet.

#battlefield terra #asuka writes #this dates from 2017 sobs #homestuck #jonhkat

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befuddledcinnamonroll · 6 months ago

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I actually have time for a more leisurely watch this morning, woohoo!

Anyone else think that Satang could play a hell of a villain? Like one that uses his cuteness for evil instead of good.

Peem still not understanding the magnetic pull he has for Phum, lol. Man doesn't hesitate for a second to get as close as possible.

Apparently Mick gets the brain cell this episode.

Wait, do we have two brain cells this episode?

OMG MATT THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!!!

Phuwin's beauty can be so distracting sometimes.

We know why you don't have a choice Chain.

I love that pretty much everyone else complains, but Chain is like "this is the life I have chosen".

Sirs, these drinks are all still completely full, why even get them? Like seriously production, I know they add color, but just fill them up halfway to begin with.

Lol, Toey, this man wants you, that's why he's holding back.

Peem, you have a puppy now, accept it.

He's so cuuuuuute.

I like the little moments where you can tell Fang is like "how is this my type?", but he can't help himself.

Sir, no. Whatever you are thinking, no. Just no.

I really respect how Phum is just fully invested in showing Peem how utterly whipped for him he is. No games, no tricks, just full "please step on me" energy.

Damn, these two and their chemistry. No wonder Peem is so close to snapping.

But also if they don't make out soon I'm gonna break something.

I am living for Phum's "the audacity of this bitch" face in the background.

Lol, when your best friends are shocked to find you have actual competencies.

I know the main purpose of this scene is for Phum to confirm he has real feelings for Peem, but I'm so glad they're addressing Fang & Tan's relationship here.

It's clear that Fang does like Tan, but next to someone with Tan's exuberance, it helps to hear him say the words.

I am so here for these friend shenanigans.

THEME OF THE SHOW ALERT!!!

*Be with the people who let you be yourself, my bebes.*

Also I love the little detail that Tan hits Toey more gently than they've been doing with each other. He's their baby.

Oh god, first Phum confesses and now he's eye-fucking Peem, I am going to implode.

Yay, Peem, finally!!

Now for the love of god go stick your tongue in that man's mouth.

#we are #we are the series

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ofmdrecaps · 3 months ago

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08/14-15/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Con O'Neill; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Madeleine Sami; Rachel House; Kristian Nairn; Samba Schutte; Vico Ortiz; Ruibo Qian; Dominic Burgess; Fan Spotlight: Our Flag Means Fanfiction; BearNecessities OFMD Affirmation Cards; Love Notes;

== Con O'Neill ==

It's Con's birthday! He's on his way to San Jose for the next GalaxyCon and sending some thank yous for all the birthday wishes! Happy birthday sir!

There's also a birthday video, but I ran out of video space! Thank you to @thedowneyheart for uploading it to tumblr! Visit them here!

Also Samba sent some love Con's way!

Img Sources: Con's Instagram / Samba's Instagram Stories

== David Jenkins ==

I forgot to include this last time! Our buddy Jemaine is asking everyone to watch the new episode of Time Bandits that he wrote that came out on Apple TV on the 14th! Chaos dad's on it! Are you? (I'm late watching them).

And today he reposted one of our favorite messages:

Source: David Jenkins' Twitter

== Rhys Darby ==

Rosie posted some super cute family pictures! Apparently Theo's been making donuts!

They were also out at the new Rhett & Link' premier of Wonderhole! Is that a Spanish Jackie's shirt we see? 👀

Source: Rosie CD's Instagram Stories / Getty Images

= The Cryptid Factor Live =

One of our beyond amazing and kind crewmates @sconesfortea was so sweet to allow me to share their many photos and videos of Rhys and the Cryptid Boys! Please check out their tumble posts below for pure Cryptid Chaos! Yes that is Buttons doing the worm!

Part 1

Part 2

Source: @sconesfortea's Tumblr

== Madeleine Sami ==

Mads is sharing some love for some fam and a new video on Deadloch!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Prime Video AU & NZ (@primevideoaunz)

instagram

Source: Madeleine Sami's Instagram

== Rachel House ==

More BTS from Time Bandits and Rachel's episodes!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel House (@rachelteaomarama)

instagram

Source: Rachel House's Instagram

== Kristian Nairn ==

Kristian's on his way to Galaxy Con San Jose as well!

Source: Kristian Nairn's Instagram

== Vico Ortiz ==

More OFMD S2 BTS from Vico on their patreon!!

Source: Vico's Patreon

== Samba Schutte ==

Woohoo! Samba's new romantic comedy Advanced Chemistry has been acquired by Good Deed Entertainment and will be released in theatres on Sept 3! Congrats Samba! Lots of love from the OFMD cast too! Deadline Article

Source: Samba's Instagram

== Nathan Foad ==

You guessed it-- Nathan's also on his way to GalaxyCon San Jose!

AND he found some old bts that he decided to share on his instagram stories.

Source: Nathan Foad's Instagram Stories

== Ruibo Qian ==

Our Pirate Queen apparently had some photos done-- but has laryngitis right now! Wishing you a swift recovery queen!

Source: Ruibo Qian's Instagram

== Dominic Burgess ==

Dominic is out with the Palm Royale crew, celebrating Jeff Toyne, a music nominee for the Television Academy!

Source: Dominic Burgess' Twitter

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Our Flag Means Fanfiction =

Another episode of Our Flag Means Fanfiction this week in honor of Con's birthday! Several of our magnificent crewmates, hosted by @ringasunn! Check them out on their Linktree!

Source: Our Flag Means Fanfiction Instagram

== Bair Necessities Affirmation Cards ==

Tonight I'd like to add a new fan spotlight to the mix - OFMD Affirmation Cards by our lovely crewmate, Mik aka bairnecessities! She has been making OFMD and other fandom affirmation cards for a long time-- some of you may even own some of them or recognize them from David Jenkin's Instagram shares! Mik makes such gorgeous and uplifting artwork, and she was kind enough to allow me to share some of them and link to her work over the next few recaps. Please absolutely check her out on the various socials, there's such lovely, kind messages in all her spaces <3 Instagram / Twitter / Linktr.ee / Etsy

A couple selections from the Season 2 Deck:

She's also got a beautiful expansion deck that's just come out, featuring a lot of our favorite secondary characters from Season 2!

OH! And did I mention, she's going to be at GalaxyCon SanJose this weekend? You can actually pick up some of her new expansion decks there!

Source: BairNecessities Linktree

== Love Notes ==

Hey there lovelies! Well here we are, going into Friday again! (Some of you are already there, hello folks from the future!) I truly hope this week has been kind to you. It's certainly been a busy one, and apparently full of birthdays! Con on the 15th, Taika on the 16th - and the weekend is looking even busier with GalaxyCon San Jose coming up! With David being so active as well, it's been nice to see so many people having a great time in the fandom again.

Whether it's jokingly mourning the loss of poor Doug LastName, or adding goofy ass horses to our favorite ofmd pictures-- it's been really heartwarming to see everyone having such a good time. This is what fandoms are for! To joke, and laugh, and have fun. Sometimes to be serious and talk meta too, and part of that is just getting to interact with each other, and play off each others strength and goofiness. I really am so fortunate to be a part of this fandom, it's nothing like I've ever experienced before, and it brings me a lot of hope and joy on dark days. You all play off each other in the best ways, and make this fandom so unique and fun, and even when things seem down, you find new ways to heal and rise again. I know I haven't been around as much lately, but I want you to know I'm still keeping an eye out, and you all are still some of the kindest, most brilliant, and fun people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. Keep shining lovelies, you're doing great out there with whatever you're dealing with.

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 2 months ago

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s4 episode 4 thoughts

woohoo!! it feels, again, like our separation has been so long, but it has been about… 3 whole days. oh, how i miss the earlier months in which i had time to post episode thoughts every day…

this episode sounds interesting!!! no idea how someone’s thoughts could be captured on film, but we do a lot of disbelief suspension around these parts, with varying levels of success.

wait. hold on. i just saw the description for the episode after this one. what the hell is mulder getting himself into with that. do we need more mulder ex lore? i don’t need that. it doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

putting aside my many questions on that matter to focus on what is here in front of us.

(author’s note post-episode: …. woaghhh. scully…)

in all honesty, having processed my thoughts, i think this one was just a LITTLE bit too intense for me. which i recognize is okay, and to each their own. but i need to speak my Truth.

liveblogging commences below

we begin with this sketchy looking dude, who is being rude as hell to a woman putting on lipstick before getting a passport photo taken. god forbid a woman want to serve… then he says to act natural while not acting natural himself. HYPOCRITE!

she goes in for a passport photo and…. she left her money in the car! she must return to this unfortunate man and go get it. but someone is following her….

he did something to her… and she gets back to the car to “billy”, but someone did something to him, too!! he appears to be dead and bleeding from the ear!! then she falls to the ground and tries to crawl to safety, but the mystery man in the yellow rain jacket comes back for her….

and the man in the photo store looks at the passport photos, but despite taking just a standard headshot, he sees the woman’s dying face in the images!!

oh. that is an unpleasant day on the job for such a nice seeming man.

this intro always makes me laugh... i’m sorrrrryyy the ufo pictures just remind me that this show is fundamentally unserious

scully and mulder are rolling up to a town in michigan, while he asks her for any thoughts on the case. it appears this woman was abducted three days ago. and billy was punctured in the brain. yuck.

okay, so her name is mary. and this poor pharmacist…. he has to take people’s pictures, and give them drugs, AND deal with this nonsense

they are at the pharmacy where the “druggist” (they keep using that term which i have never heard before) is showing them his camera, which he keeps under lock and key, and i notice he has some fun candy in the background. but i assume things are not fun at this time for him.

scully wants to see the camera, and mulder takes a step back to let her pass. it kinda looks like he does that thing where he touches her back, but it’s hard to tell. and once again for all readers, that thing where men touch your back is only attractive when it’s mulder to scully and not between some randos!

scully notices something on the pharmacist’s foot, and also that the film is out of date. she is always noticing things. one of her many lovely qualities.

mulder calls the pharmacist “bruno hauptman” and i don’t get that reference so i do what i do best: go to wikipedia. oh! bruno is the guy that was executed for kidnapping the lindbergh baby. i don’t know why i thought that mystery was unsolved. i guess it’s because the article is saying it was a heavily criticized and debated case. huh, a mystery for another time.

anyway, mulder is saying this all tauntingly with his stupid beautiful mulder smile, but scully is saying yeah, this nice old pharmacist doesn’t look like a usual suspect.

but she does point out that the film has heat damage, and a heater is right there… “so you think that would make it look like she posed screaming for a passport photo?” <- LMAO MAN LET HER FINISH

BAHAHA she is onto nothing 🔥🔥

“plus, the film is two years out of date” “oh” the- the photographic chemistry could have changed” (mulder nodding) “uh-huh” “the- the dyes fade… they… alright, what’s your theory?” <- BAHAHA love that… you have to admit when you don’t know wtf is going on! i had full confidence she would pull something out of her science-y brain, but sometimes you just don’t know!

(this stupid scene had me giggling, as did her face of resignation)

mulder seems to ALSO have no idea wtf is going on, but as they discuss this, a police officer walks in and says they might have wasted the agents’ time…. what does that mean? did they figure it out that quick?

back at the house of the victims, they meet a postal inspector. okay!!! that’s fun and different. and i pause to write this down, and scully is SO beautiful, i actually might blow up. a full on explosion where once stood me is liable to go down. oh my gooooood.

okay: postal inspector is investigating a mail theft. mary had been working at the postal office, stealing people’s credit cards, and her boyfriend was signing them! oh! very illegal. inspector seems to think she faked her disappearance, but mulder points out that would not explain the stabbing of the boyfriend. also, they have this creepy ass broccoli magnet on their fridge which. bleugh. it did not spark joy.

mulder wants a camera from their house, and he finds one! did he just. take a picture of scully…? oh my god. he said “stand back, scully, it’s loaded” and took one… he didn’t even let her pose or anything… that's so cute... even if it's a little weird to use a dead person's camera from a crime scene... he wanted to take her picture

no, i am all wrong, for it appears he is just… taking random photos. because someone in the 60’s once claimed that he could concentrate really hard on undeveloped film and show his thoughts. uh. press f to doubt.

(man, i want to live in that very brief and exciting moment where i thought he was taking a cute little candid of her again… it was so blissful there)

wait. what da hell. he just clicked the camera a bunch of times and it comes up with the screaming mary photo again and again.

oh… he thinks that someone was stalking mary, and the stalker’s psychic energy altered the film by him coming in its proximity. i didn't realize that was how psychic powers worked but i am listening and learning

scully says that these images had to be doctored, which is, again, a reasonable conclusion, but he asks her to “what if” the situation and just think about it!!! just imagine!!!

cutscene to… someone crawling on the side of the road. it’s mary!!! she’s bleeding from her eyes (?) and not responding at all to the police car arriving behind her.

now she is in a stretcher at the hospital that our agents are helping to steer. they are kind like that. she had a “painkiller cocktail” in her system, but that wouldn’t account for her condition. scully orders a PET scan for her, a term i have never heard before. i love when she uses terms i have never heard before.

they’re putting mary in what looks like an MRI sort of thing to look at her brain. whatever it is, it is clearly very bad, as told by scully’s visible reaction and audible declaration of “oh my god”, while mulder looks at her and asks “what is it”?

(and while i appreciate that this is a sensitive moment for our story, mulder not knowing wtf is going on with these medical things always is a favorite trope of mine, 1. because me too, and 2. he is usually such an insufferable know-it-all i love watching him admit when he knows nothing. humility!)

oh my god… “she has been given what’s called a transorbital lobotomy” <- oh that does NOT sound good… it used to be known as an ice pick lobotomy!!! oh my gosh i’ve heard of that one!! ice pick… eye sockets… i can feel myself growing faint…

but whoever did it, did it wrong… who would do a lobotomy without knowing how to do it the right way???

in the machine, mary is mumbling!! she is saying “unruhe” according to the closed captioning, but it just sounds like faint groaning to me. however, given that this phrase is the title of the episode, i venture to guess that it IS in fact relevant.

a policeman bursts in and says there has been a second abduction, and our agents look deeply sorrowful at this news, seeming to know what will happen next if they cannot crack the case.

oh! now we are seeing the new victim, and whoever took her is in fact saying “unruhe”, and other stuff in german! NO! he pulls out a pick…. fade to black.

WHO in this small seeming town speaks german and has a psychic effect on cameras… ?? i hope this can be narrowed down to a slim pool of candidates!!

scully is going into the next crime scene, where mulder reports that a man has been murdered, and his secretary alice taken. this is not good.

mulder has been looking into what that word alice was mumbling means- first in a phone book, but then as a translation, i guess, because it means “trouble” in german.

WOAH, WHAT?

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she took german in college!!! and knows that the word is more accurately translated as “unrest”!

(oh my gosh, i need to get back into compiling lore reveals at the end of each season like i did for s1…. good thing i take such detailed notes so i can go back and do them for s2 and s3)

((we didn’t get a ton in the last 2 seasons, so i thought of doing one post for both seasons- but the organization freak in me wants to do 1 per season, so i’ll go through them again and see what i can find when i get bored someday))

scully hands him a photo from the first crime scene, but mulder says the criminal wasn’t there, because if he was, he would have altered the photos. scully seems annoyed that he’s looking for psychic photos and not crime scene evidence, but he explains that whoever did this has to be very good, and photos may be their only lead since he doesn’t seem to know he is doing it. but then scully sees something and her eyes go SUPER wide… and she says she wants to show him something.

oh! they find a construction company’s logo at both sites. so maybe the criminal worked at places under construction and was able to kidnap the women…? this theory is brought to you by scully.

he says she might be right, but he is going back to DC to get analysis on the photo. she still is skeptical, but he says that since the woman’s time is running out, that’s all the more reason to analyze the one piece of hard evidence they do have, and that he’ll be in touch.

he must have really cared if he said he’ll be in touch, because usually he just runs off to god knows where to do god knows what.

(and how much time would they even HAVE if he has to drive all the way back??? that isn’t a quick trip, is it???)

the same criminal dude from before is now saying stuff in german and taping alice’s mouth shut, while mulder is back in the photo lab sitting practically on top of this nerdy yet attractive fellow, asking for the blurriness in the image to be reduced. and it reveals very scary looking demon things!

mulder sees someone in the back of the photo… and they get a more enhanced image on the face, but it isn’t clear to me who it is. i felt like i was supposed to know who it was, but luckily i wasn't!

scully is ordering people out to canvas and investigate the employees who may have been working at both construction sites. i like when she does that.

mulder and the lab guy figure out that there is a shadow in the background of the photo from the kidnapper. “he’s standing over her, he means to pass judgement on her, like a god” <- an unsettling thing to say, mr. spooky

scully rolls up to one of the construction sites and i’m thinking, oh please, do not get kidnapped, please please, it’s not something we need today. she’s yelling “hello” and no one is answering... but she hears something…..

it’s a… guy on stilts? it’s the foreman named gerry. oh… could he have made the big shadow in the picture his stilts? but he doesn’t sound german…

mulder calls and says the kidnapper’s legs are unusual, either he’s very tall or he wants to be. stilts man?!?! is it you?!

instead of playing it chill upon hearing this news, she hangs up on mulder, and turns to gerry and says “unruhe”, pulling out her gun. but he uses his stilts to jump across the building! only to collapse and fall. his getaway is thwarted as scully tells him to stop or she’ll shoot, and to prove her seriousness, she does so. but i’m not buying he’s the guy!! sorry my queen!!

NO!! I WAS FOOLED, WASN’T I??? she reaches into his pocket and pricks her finger!!! NOOO! it’s a huge pick in there! like we saw before at the kidnapping!!

is she gonna be drugged from that….

(thankfully, the pick itself did not contain the drugs)

they’re interrogating the dude, and he denies everything. i mean, i guess a lot of people could have stilts and a pick at construction sites. maybe they didn't grab the right fellow.

he says that tool is used to start keyholes in the sheetrock and all fixtures. a good excuse…

but he really does seem confused.

however, mulder brings up that gerry was arrested before, for attacking his father with an axe handle until he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. OH! this is not promising.

gerry says that he was institutionalized, which mulder reveals was for a schizophrenic disorder. gerry claims that since his release, he had been taking care of his father 24/7, until he passed away in january. well i’m not entirely sure if that makes amends, but i guess it’s better than nothing?

“and how did you feel about that?” asks mulder about gerry's father's death, sounding very much like the psychology expert i sometimes forget that he is. then he reveals that the same year gerry attacked his father, gerry’s sister passed. connected….?

gerry is staring intently back at scully, saying that she looks troubled. oh! do not talk to her that way.

then mulder comes in with the enhanced photo from earlier, and asks if it shows gerry’s father. he seems taken aback, like it really is his father, and then further taken aback when he pulls out the full photo and asks if those demons figures are what he sees when he closes his eyes. this finally gets gerry to crack and say that he knows where alice is, and that she is safe, “from the howlers”. HUH?

(is it bad my thoughts went straight to a howler monkey when he said that? i was thinking man, monkeys do not look like that at all. you and i have seen some different monkeys, gerry. but no, he does not refer to those types of howlers)

a ton of cop cars are arriving in the woods, to find alice, who is bleeding from the eyes, which can only mean one thing in this context. oh noooo. scully seems horrified and as if she is blaming herself

oh, we get a very charged exchange here. she says it doesn’t matter what is in the photos, or if it shows gerry’s dreams or nightmares, because it’s over, and they couldn’t save alice. she starts the engine, and when i think she’s gonna drive off without mulder, he hops in. i bet that guilt that doctors feel when that cannot save a patient is even worse in her than in usual doctors, because she also has to deal with trying to rescue people from crime. :(

gerry is being taken in and photographed by the cops. but instead of a mugshot, when we see the picture, it’s the guy who was taking him in with a bullet hole in his head. oh! so that seems to confirm earlier suspicions on behalf of mulder.

OH NO!! gerry reaches out and grabs the gun from the cop! NOOO!

mulder points out that the image from that interaction showed the man shot in the head, but in reality, he was shot in his throat. so i guess it’s not based on reality as much as his intentions? sure, why not. and scully says there was a robbery at the pharmacy back where the very first photo was taken. no! our druggist friend!

gerry took all of the film in the store and a ton of drugs for more “twilight sleep”, which is a bad sign. i think i’ve seen this film before…

scully thinks that perhaps he was stalking his next victim at the construction site, and i’m thinking, girl i think he picked out his victim alright, but i don’t think she’s in the apartments.

mulder wants to wait a bit for his photo to come out. so he sends her to pull the car around and i’m screaming NO, NO, DON’T SEPARATE, NOT WITH A GUY ON THE LOOSE WHO LOOKED AT HER AND SAID “YOU LOOK TROUBLED” AFTER DOING 2 DIY LOBOTOMIES ON OTHER WOMEN AND KILLING 2 OTHER MEN! JUST WAIT A MINUTE AND WALK TO THE CAR TOGETHER!!!

but she cannot hear me….

NO! as she unlocks the car, a hand from beneath reaches out and pierces her foot with a needle NOOOO… and it’s gerry and she’s going down and NOOOOOO!!!!

AND MULDER PULLS THE PHOTO OUT TO FIND GERRY WAS THINKING OF SCULLY WHEN IT WAS TAKEN!

he is RUNNING after that car. despite his best efforts, even trackstar mulder is not as fast as a car, yet he follows her and screams her name regardless. until he realizes he will not win this race.

back at the police office, mulder is STARING at that photograph, the one showing scully being taken by these horrific creatures known as “the howlers”. he’s asking for any leads, including “does he have a summer house? a winter house?” which could be seen as desperation for answers or mulder being out of touch with how many people grew up with summer houses, take your pick.

OH! in gerry’s wallet was his father’s obituary. and his father was a dentist… and the name sounds german…

so they go to his old dentist’s office, where they did an ad for the pain medicine cocktail he’s been cooking up. and mulder finds a footprint and a missing dentist’s chair.

NO!! scully is in the dentist’s chair at some undisclosed location. waking up to find her arms and legs bound with a pick on the table and gerry in the distance. she’s watching him…. and she says to let her go.

he begins his german ranting that has happened before the other lobotomies, and she… RESPONDS???? in clumsy german??? she says she has no unrest and doesn’t need saving, but he insists she does??? WHAT!!!

good on her for remembering some words after all those years :,)

he says everyone has some unrest, but especially her. she thinks she must remind him of his sister, and they talk about “the howlers”, who live inside your head, and make you say and do things you don’t mean.

so she turns the tables on this, and says maybe there are no such thing as howlers, and maybe he made them up to justify what his father did to his sister, which sets him off further. OH… so she thinks gerry attacking his father and his sister’s death were related. damn… that’s heavy

she tries to convince him that the “howlers” are just in HIS head, and no one else’s, as he approaches with a camera to try and prove they do exist. because cameras cannot lie!!

back at the dentist’s office, mulder appears to be losing it. mumbling about the 6 fingers the howler had in the photos, and yelling “WHY are there 6?” to no one in particular, as if he can find an answer through sheer willpower. one of the cops is asking him what to do while he looks at the obituary and counts five headstones…. and the father makes 6? sure, if that makes sense to you king!

they’re off to the graveyard while scully is still in a mystery location, with tears in her eyes as gerry shows her the photos he took. he takes the photos to mean he doesn’t have much time left, and tapes her mouth… and oh my gosh, i think of what would go down here if i knew she wasn’t gonna pull through… until gerry hears a tapping and MULDER IS LOOKING IN!! YES!!!

gerry is doing this in a camper van! by the graveyard!!! mulder is peeking in, sees a tooth keychain, and realizes she’s in there!!!! he’s yelling her name, and she’s yelling that she’s in here, while gerry tries to hold her down!!!

mulder’s BEATING on the window of the camper with his hands, and when that doesn’t work, he finds a giant metal pipe and SLAMS it into the window, goes in, and shoots gerry. this escalated quickly, but it was almost not quick enough.

mulder asks if she’s hurt, and neither of them say anything as she walks out, with mulder kneeling down to see that the last photos gerry had taken were of himself dead on the floor. it’s a terribly thick tension that reminds me of the ending to irresistible, but without the tension bursting like it did in that episode with her finally revealing her fear to him. i wish that she did it again this time.

scully is doing the episode wrap up, sounding terribly solemn. she is reporting that gerry had written a diary intended as a letter for his father, including the list of the women he hoped to “save”. and her name is the last entry. she has no explanation for the photographs. but she empathized with him, which her survival depended upon.

“i see now the value of such insight. for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds. only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?” (said while there are tears in her eyes, as she looks at the photograph of her being pulled by the howlers)

WHAT THE HELL.

okay, so chris carter… you and i need to have some words.

i have a lot of thoughts. perhaps number one: what if mulder had been 5 minutes later… can you imagine him never being able to cope with that….? oh my gosh. oh my gosh. no, i shan’t imagine. but i’m sure they both were imagining it. and that is probably why she couldn’t say anything as she walked out of the camper van. it was too horrific.

second. this was a dark one. i was giggling at first and then it got really dark. lobotomies… are a hard subject.

third. when the writers make the bad guy have a mental illness, i do feel it to be insulting, because we don’t often get a character where a guy with schizophrenia is just a guy doing normal things like working at the store or going to get his oil changed. no, he’s gotta be up to something nefarious. i wish that wasn’t the case and that these episodes didn’t use mental illness in that way, and i understand that things were kind of Like That in the 90’s and arguably still are in media, but it has been observed with distaste.

okay, final thoughts? like i’ve said before, i believe in gender equality when it comes to kidnapping and rescuing, and i hope that will be evened out at some point. i understand that gerry had a fixation on women for his own personal reasons, but that’s the doyleist vs watsonian debate thing. and i want a 1:1 ratio on who goes about saving the day. although the ratio was uneven in s2, i’m not recalling the ratio from s3, and we’re 4 episodes into s4 with a 1:1 ratio. so i hope that overall, the entire series ratio evens out eventually. damsel in distress is gender neutral

i was actually really invested in this episode, probably because it let us look into scully deeper, and also because the stakes were high, the pacing fast, and the horror a new kind rather than a standard serial killer we get in a lot of episodes.

but… while i appreciate that, i’m not sure i can say i enjoyed it, you know? because even a “scully speaks german” lore reveal cannot save me from the feeling of… something adjacent to fear? not horror as in “ahhh i’m so scared” but maybe a sort of horror as in “stop putting her into these fuckass situations, let my girl have a day off” and also a bit of terrible grief in knowing that lobotomies were a very real thing and did untold harm. and to be clear, i’m not saying that fact shouldn’t be explored and discussed, i just think that for me it seems to provoke some intense feelings that make me want some fluff. now.

deliver it. to my door. as we speak. in fact, here is an incomplete list of things i want to read our agents doing in fanfiction form:

apple picking and apple cider sipping, hiking and sharing weird facts they know about the things they encounter (scully will be all “this type of spider has a unique silk production gland” and he’ll be all “this type of wildflower is used to induce hallucinogenic states” while they look at a pretty view), ice skating (can they ice skate? need to explore that), getting ice cream cones, a visit to the beach, decorating for various holidays, a very serious game night- perhaps uno or some sort of trivia where it turns into a real nerd-off, arguing over unsolved mysteries, more implications of them starting a family together if you feel bold and brave, even, but for those who like it more reserved we can just have an aquarium date, watching a meteor shower, scully attempting to understand his fascination with the various sports of the world by tagging along on an anthropological expedition to a knicks game with him, baking, movie theater trip, etc

well! i have gotten myself so enthused at the idea of them doing silly stuff like handing out halloween candy that i have forgotten all about my initial feelings, which shall surely resurface soon when i go through and edit my notes, but you’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t want to play dolls in your head of them getting hot chocolate together?

canon? what is canon? c’mere, kid. let’s daydream about them eloping without ever having the “what are we” conversation and ignore the suffering

#i learn a lot about myself in watching this show #including apparently what i consider to be just a bit too much #which is fine and it is good to know these things about yourself as a person #but i would like a silly one now please #let me know if you liked it- the pacing or the concept- or if you didn't #i can appreciate that it was a mostly well-written and compelling episode without having to enjoy it yk?#anyway. thinking about them going to the pumpkin patch.#he's from new england... she grew up at least partially in cali. did they have pumpkin patches there? or apple orchards?#this needs to be explored in fic. expeditiously. with a quickness.#ahh... a nice little daydream to think about.#pls feel free to send me fluff fics without any spoilers!!#someone sent me a few early into this blog and i cherish it <3 #juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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