#wondering if i should make a sideblog for this kind of thing

[dootznbootz]

I fucking hate those colds where you just have fucking fog for brains >:(

[fragmentedblade]

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[carmyberzattosjournal]

Entry 21: A Crowbar Called Love

GIF Credit: @carmen-berzattos

Bearblr Promptober Day 21: Drunk Confession

Summary: Carmy's girlfriend (who he calls Darling) drunkenly confesses something that sends him into a tizzy; that she wants to have his kids.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of trauma, self-doubt, evolving Dad!Carmy, maybe the start of a breeding kink(?), fem reader/generic lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns. (822 words)

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Thank you for reading. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list. Sideblog for commentary and yapping: @m-z-shoroi

Also, if random letters or words are black/white instead of the colors they should be, that's Tumblr being dumb, I've been fighting it for days.

21 Oct 2024

She said she wants to have my babies, and I honestly don't know what in the fuck to do with myself.

How did I get here?

What the fuck did I do to earn that?

What?

How?

I'm a fucking disaster, why the fuck would anyone think I'd make a not-shitty dad?

And she said it in front of Richie and Nat. That asshole is never gonna let me hear the end of it. This is what I get for taking my eyes off the cider for five minutes. Richie probably didn’t even fucking measure before spiking it.

Fuck. My. Life.

I have no business having kids, I'm just gonna end up like ma! No! No! Abso-fucking-lutely not!

Okay, yes, they'd be cute, but this is a terrible idea!

I can’t stop fucking thinking about this. The adoration in her eyes, the way she whispered it into my mouth, the way she pulled my hair and repeated it—whined it—until my brain checked into reality in a confused state. Carmen, I wanna start a family with you. I love you so much. I want babies. Carmy… Carmy, please? Please, can we talk about kids?

It’s the next morning, and I woke up an hour before my alarm, invaded, besieged, strangled by thoughts of cradling her belly, of feeling little kicks against my palm through her soft, supple skin. The thought of baby shoes while I stared at my own, hand trembling as I dragged it through my hair and tried to recompress so I could make it through a workday. What was more was that I couldn’t stop fucking thinking about how wonderful of a mother she’d make. She’d be sweet, kind, understanding, protective, a great advocate, teacher, counselor. I thought of being home with a kid in my arms. Nat’s daughter is so precious, so innocent, so pure. I could have one. A few. And I could do better than ma or dad did.

I wanted to do better than ma and dad did.

I wandered back into the bedroom, leaned against the doorframe and just watched Darling snuggled up in bed, her face buried in my t-shirt, a cute little croissant under the covers. There existed in my mind, sometime before then—couldn’t figure out exactly when it changed—this looming understanding of this arrangement being temporary. This relationship was a ticking clock, a sword dangling over my head by a horsehair, and in all likelihood, I was going to fuck up, and she was going to leave. It seemed like an inevitability. But permanence, comfort, routine, it crept up on me. Could I imagine an existence without Darling? Did a future without her even exist? Did I allow myself to love her so completely, so deeply, that my forever was staked in the ground with her?

Two kids. And a dog. Our own house. It’d be nice if one of them liked cooking, but I wasn’t going to be upset if they wanted to try something else. I’d support them trying new things. I’d reduce my hours at The Bear, too, so I could be around to hug them and read them bedtime stories. My vision abruptly blurred. Droplet of warmth fell from my eyelashes and drew a streak down my face.

Of course, I was fucking crying again.

Ever love someone so much that it hurt? That the love embedded itself so deep into you that it burrowed roots in the same places that all your fucking trauma lived? That it crumbled and frayed the armor of bitterness, apathy, hatred, and anger you’d been using to hold yourself together against the assault of being alive and being so many things the world didn’t like—short, sensitive, warm, caring, quiet, shy? For your curly hair, for your features, for your weird fucking quirks and habits? The world stabbed you in the fucking kidneys for daring to exist, and you walled off yourself behind protective mechanisms to stop the knives going any deeper than they already had, from piercing the softest parts of you; and out of nowhere, this little thing called love shows up as a crowbar and jams under that armor with no ceremony and certainly no warning. It fucking hurts at first. It hurts like you can’t fucking believe or imagine, and it scares the shit out of you because if that armor comes off, you feel like you’ll die, but eventually? Eventually, the armor starts crumbling away, and you feel the saccharine mercy of love in all the places that the armor hurt. Yeah, you thought your trauma was the thing that inflicted agony all these years? Your fucking armor wore chasms in you all the same.

This wasn’t a contest, baby girl, but you win. I surrender. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts, and I can’t get enough of it. So, yeah. Yeah, we can talk about kids.

[navybrat817]

Heat Inducing

Pairing: Alpha!Steve Rogers x Omega!Female Reader Summary: Steve gets what he wants by any means necessary. Word Count: Over 400 Warnings: Implied noncon, dark themes, a/b/o dynamics, implied forced bond, fighting, light choking, could be considered drugging, Steve Rogers (he's a warning, okay?) A/N: For @cockslutpadalecki 's Fifteen Sentence Challenge (prompt in bold) and can be considered a companion piece to Bucky's First and Last.❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Header by yours truly. Banner by the lovely @sgt-seabass and divider by the wonderful @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

One day, you would come to accept that Steve Rogers was stronger, faster, and more determined than you would ever be, but it would only happen with you kicking and screaming along the way. You should’ve known the alpha only asked you into his office once most of the other agents left so he could get you alone, like he intended to from the moment he decided you would be his mate. You managed to get a lucky punch in before he knocked you to the floor and straddled you, shoving a shiny, red pill into your mouth before his massive hand covered it and forced you to swallow.

You didn’t know it yet, but it wouldn’t be the only thing forced down your throat today by the time he was done with you.

Unshed tears burned your eyes as he finally let you breathe, coughing and gulping in air as you wished you could throw up the offending, heat inducing capsule. Life wasn’t easy or kind to omegas and you weren’t foolish enough to think anyone would help you should yell for it. Because who would stand up to Captain America, the very hero who helps everyone?

Steve caught your fist when you thrashed beneath him, squeezing hard enough to remind you that he could turn your bones to dust if he wished. Instead of looking angry like most alphas would at the attempt to not submit and get away, he smirked.

You froze momentarily when he leaned down and whispered proudly, “Bucky’s omega was a fighter, too, but he got her in the end thanks to me."

You hissed and shouted an impressive string of obscenities as he tore your clothes away, your body growing warmer with each passing second and your will to fight slowly starting to fade. The hand suddenly around your throat cut off your next insult and you half expected the alpha to make a remark about your language or how he'd wash your mouth out.

But he surprised you by releasing you and stating with a smile, “I don’t care if it takes all night, you will submit."

A bitter laugh escaped your lips before you said, “I will never willingly submit to you, Steve Rogers.”

As he flipped you onto your stomach with a growl, you stared at the door just a few feet away and knew you would never taste freedom again.

So, that happened. Hehe. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Steve Rogers Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[gojosattoru]

Hello everyone! Hope you are doing well cuties! I've missed you all so much! ^^ *hugs* So I'm doing this post to announce that I will start taking commissions again. I have been working as an illustrator, it has been really fun, my boss she's cool and has nice ideas but the issue is... she doesn't pay me on time... and sometimes I wait till 2 or 3 weeks till she pays me.. I'm really needing to gain more money... I have been trying to find a second job but it has been difficult.. No matter the curriculums I send.. no one responds or they say i don't have enough experience....... I'm really getting frustrated..

So I'm coming back, fortunately I have been feeling much better lately thanks to my psychologist and my medication. I want start editing again and tho on opening commissions on Tumblr and for Twitter! I can make icons, headers for both websites (or for any other social media if you want) I too have been doing a lot of chibi drawings, (you can see them on my art page on twitter and my blog and sideblog @letsbeeart) if you are interested and you could help me, I would really appreciate it :) If anyone wants to request feel free, but if you could give me even a small ko-fi :https://ko-fi.com/gojosattorus it would be wonderful, if not it's okay i'll do requests nonetheless ^^ so the prices for the commissions are these:

Headers alone are 10$;

Icons (anime and manga) alone are 3$;

Batch of both they are 11$. 

Chibi Commissions: (i should say this, if you want to commission me chibis please ask for fandoms i'm into! Since I'm more familiar with them and gives me more motivation to draw it helps me a lot! Genshin Impact and Honkai Star Rail are good too ^^)

1 Character -> 25$;

2 Characters -> 35$

+ Characters -> 50$

with background -> 15$

It would be awesome if you guys could spread this post around as much as you can…Sorry for coming out of the blue with this.. I have been on hiatus for a month and a half due to my mental health and now I suddenly appear to open commissions (like i said i can take requests too you could give me a lil ko-fi if not it's alright too) but I have been thinking a lot recently since I don't gain THAT much and my boss always delays the pay day.. I should do something to gain more money! I have been practically doing nothing recently... So if you could support me, even just a lil it would help me a lot!.. Thank you for all your support, love, kindness and strength you have been sending to me recently and for keeping liking everything I do guys, makes me really happy whenever I see your messages ; U ; I will keep doing my most effort to create the best for you guys and I hope you like them and can enjoy too! Thanks for reading and to reblog. Anything you are interested in, or any doubt, you can always message me and we will talk things through. Wish you all the best and I love you very much!! 💖💖💖💖 Have a lovely day/night! *hugs* Take care!

[candyredappledragon]

h-hi! the name is kieran. nice to meet you! ive been here for a bit and uhm.... sadly figuring out how to use this site! ( kind of afraid of interacting with others especially but im trying my best to not be easily scared ! ) i am not familiar with technology and or online things/words so please be patient with me. i know there are other kierans here too and honestly theyre pretty cool! ....d-dont tell them i said that. im not really a battler so if you are trying to look for one then im sorry to say that you will be disappointed but you can ask the others though. really sorry

..uh thank you for checking my blog— furret youre on my facEXSFDGCVHH

🍎 Please no genuine anon hate, nsfw, or anything really bad. ( You can be mean to Kieran! ) Pelipper mail is okay ( but malice is off for now ). Sapient Pokemon or the likes of interacting are fine too, Kieran is too much of a goofball to notice it. Please don't give him Pokemon the thought is appreciated but if you do they'll turn into stickers lol.

Please don't be weird. I'm serious. As well PLEASE be patient with me and not be pushy. I'm trying my best!

This Kieran is in AU as to what happens if Florian doesn't lie to him about Ogerpon and whatnot! Kieran still doesn't get Ogerpon and is fine with it ( kind of, as in this made him feel inferior to having friends and will always be chosen over by other people. ) His way of thinking is that maybe he should try to be nice and kind to others so that will help him get friends as he sees Florian do this the same to others. ( The only thing Kieran thinks he's not good at is having a funny personality. He is very awkward in person. ) Blueberry Academy was hard on him as he was almost practically as ignored and students tend to forget he is the champion because of his cowardly personality. Florian took over later as champion. Okay there.

(By the way this is a summary please don't hurt me. 💔)

Plus I will try to draw for asks but they won't be the best but surely will motivate me to draw! If there are no asks then I'll just draw daily things with Kieran so it's a win-win for me!

💥 This Kieran doesn't like to get involved with stuff so feel free to drag him into antics! He isn't the one to approach people either so if you are wondering why I don't start convos with other blogs with asks that's why. ( I'm shy too. ) He's a bit of a coward online and in person but he won't shy away trying to be friends with others.

🍎 Posts are tagged to make things easier! Feel free to block one of them to make your experience smooth!

Art related: art tag , art reply , daily Kieran art

Text related: text reply/reply text , text ask , text post , ooc post , reply reblog

Other: long post

Anything you want to be tagged? Please let me know! :)

"Can we use your art?" Feel free to use the art or whatever! Don't need to credit and I prefer not to be credited. You can edit it too! Idgaf just no bigotry. :,] "What do we call you and do you have pronouns?" Uhm, you can call me Eight or any other version of the number 8 itself. [ Ex: Ocho, Hachi, Acht, etc ]. No pronouns! Refer me to by name or just call me mod or some other third thing lol. "What art program do you use?" Clip Studio Paint! "Are you okay with collabs?" Of course! Please feel free to message me anytime. :] "What time do you post art/responses?" Uhm....... anytime to be honest? My sleep schedule is ABYSMAL. I am very much online unless I'm busy doing comp. "Are replies time sensitive when interacting with this blog?" Nope! Take your time with your replies. I am pretty chill and everyone is pretty busy with real life. Fair warning I'm a ditz. :( "Why did you make this blog?" To draw Kieran a thousand times over until I'm dead lol. ( Even if it isn't posted on this blog!) And world build my stupid au. :u I'm just currently on a small burnout on drawing. I'm sorry. :c

"Is this a sideblog?" Yeah, you are never going to find out my main!! It's very cringe ( it has different media art ). I will interact with my other sideblog with thoughts and reactions at times. [ if you are curious @/hahahasquib ]

"Do you like Kieran?" No. ( Yes. A normal amount. )

[the-iceni-bitch]

𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐝?

Relationship: Ransom Drysdale x Jake Jensen (Gem and Blondie, NLLYL: Before)

Words: ~3.3k

Summary: Ransom doesn’t want to go, but he can’t stay.

Warnings: explicit language, brief mention of m/m sex, ANGST!!!! Angst, angst, angst, angst, angst, homophobia, implied use of the f-slur, dysfunctional family, so much self-hatred. 18+ ONLY (due to the AU)

A/N: You may have been expecting more Kinktober, but apparently it’s Angst-mas. Listen, all of us knew this was coming but that doesn’t make it hurt less. Just remember they both end up where they need to be and that I am so sorry for doing this to all of you 😭

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on my fics follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications.

Ransom took another uncomfortable sip of beer and looked around at all of Jake’s family as he sat next to his boyfriend. It was weird, he was so used to dysfunction and drama that being around so many people who actually seemed happy to be related to each other made his skin crawl. He didn’t know how he was supposed to interact with these people. Even though Jake was sitting right next to him and holding his hand, he felt alone.

That didn’t stop him from smiling like he knew he should be. His thoughts may have been filled with anxiety but his WASP upbringing meant he could put on a good face no matter what. When Jake squeezed his hand he squeezed it back, beaming at his boyfriend even as he wondered at how he could possibly be a part of this man’s life when he was so colossally fucked up. He felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop in relation to him being a terrible person, and he hated it.

“Hey,” Jake’s smile dropped a little when he looked at Ransom’s face, his eyes full of concern which only made Ransom want to throw up. “Are you okay? I know Sam Adams is kind of basic beer, I can run to the store if you want something different.”

“No, I’m fine.” Ransom lied, smiling even wider to hopefully cover for the tightness in his throat. “Everything is great, your family is wonderful.”

Jake was about to say something else, he could tell, but fortunately Jake’s sister chose that moment to stand up with her husband. Her grin was huge and she was bouncing on her toes, and even with his anxiety Ransom couldn’t stop a chuckle when Jake started bouncing too. It took a few minutes for everything to die down and then she was finally able to get out the words she had apparently been holding back all night.

“We’re pregnant!!”

The uproar of pure joy was deafening, and it only got more intense when the sonogram was revealed. Every member of the Jensen clan started hugging each other, some of them even cried. Jake was one of the criers, running to his sister and dragging Ransom behind him until he wrapped her in an enormous bear hug.

Ransom felt a little better now that all the attention wasn’t on him as the boyfriend they’d never met before. Or at least he felt better until he heard the word “uncle” directed at him.

“What?” His mouth was suddenly very dry and his smile felt more forced than ever.

“You’re gonna be ‘Uncle Ransom’. Isn’t that exciting?” Jake’s sister beamed at him until Jake poked her in the arm, shaking her head but still keeping that jubilant smile on her face. “Or… you know, sorry. Mom!!”

The rest of the afternoon was a blur for Ransom. A happy, noisy, gut wrenching blur. He didn’t think he’d actually finished the beer he had been holding, and he was vaguely aware of people moving around him but nothing else registered. All he could think about was how fucking serious things were. Up to a certain point he had already been aware, but that was just with him and Jake. Jake’s entire apparently fantastic family had never entered his mind until that day, and he could not figure out how he was supposed to fit in with all of them. Especially as an uncle. The only uncle he’d known was Walt, and he was just awful. He couldn’t be around kids. He probably shouldn’t even be a part of any sort of functional family.

Before he knew it he and Jake were home. He hated the way his boyfriend was looking at him, like he wanted to stay so happy about his sister’s news but also could tell that Ransom was lost in his fucked up emotions. So he managed to put on a placating smile, ignoring the ache in his stomach and his racing pulse when he told Jake how happy he was about him getting to be a fun uncle. His freakout was saved for when he managed to get in the shower after Jake got ready for bed, sitting on the bottom of the tub and breathing painfully while the hot water washed over him and he tried not to feel like such an utter bastard. All night he obsessed about how he didn’t deserve the man he was sharing his bed with, and how much easier things would be if he could bring himself to either talk to Jake or just leave.

It was like that for the next two weeks. Ransom’s cheeks hurt from all the fake smiling and acting cheerful each night when he went to bed. The only time he seemed able to relax was when he and Jake were having sex, and even then he felt like he was being an asshole for trying to distract himself with his boyfriend’s body, so he tried not to do it unless Jake was adamant about it. He knew Jake could tell something was wrong, and as much as he loved the man for knowing that asking would just make Ransom more stubborn, he almost wished the blond would just do it. Maybe if he finally broke down things could get better.

But he didn’t really want to break down. Ransom knew himself, he wasn’t a man who thrived on deep and meaningful conversations. He couldn’t believe how grateful he was when he got an invitation to some boring party for Linda’s real estate firm. A year and a half without a word from his mother or anyone else in his family and all of a sudden he was invited to some fancy soirée out of the blue. Yeah, he hated his family, but he hated what he was feeling around Jake right now even more. He even considered just telling Jake he was going and then drinking himself to oblivion in some random hotel, but he did miss Harlan, and if the old man was going to be there, hopefully Ransom could get his grandfather to talk some sense into him.

“You’re sure you don’t want me to go, Gem?” Jake looked so earnest and sweet while he helped Ransom with his tie and it made him feel like the slimiest douche in the world. “I’m pretty charming. You could introduce me as your ‘roommate’.”

“I’m sure, Jake.” Ransom couldn’t even bring himself to call Jake by his nickname, he hated himself. “Trust me, aside from the food and the open bar, it’s going to suck massively.”

“Okay.” Jake leaned up to peck Ransom on the lips and he couldn’t stop himself from pulling the blond closer for just a moment. “Call me if you need a ride.”

Ransom promised he would, kissing Jake deeply for some unknown reason and looking into his eyes before saying goodbye. It felt painful and he couldn’t figure out why, like it was somehow more permanent and he wasn’t going to be home in just a few hours.

The hotel was sufficiently swanky for what he knew his mother’s expectations would be. He was even more glad that he hadn’t let Jake tag along, handing the valet the keys to that ancient jeep would have been especially awkward. There were so many blue bloods packed into the ballroom that Ransom could practically smell the old money, and he wasn’t impressed. While he was scowling and trying to get his bearings his mother found him, immediately making a stress headache begin behind his left eye.

“Hello Ransom.” God, he’d forgotten how fake the woman was. That smile was showing far too many teeth. “Thank you so much for coming. How have you been?”

“You’re really going to act like you care, mother?” Ransom let her embrace him since he didn’t feel like making a scene, but he hated every second of it. “Where’s Harlan?”

“Your grandfather wasn’t feeling his best so he’s resting at home.” Linda refused to let go of his arm when he stepped back. “But I’m very glad you’re here. There’s someone I want you to meet. This is Sloane Hargreaves.”

Linda gestured to a young woman who looked like every social climber’s wet dream, with eerily straight and white teeth and not a single blonde hair on her head out of place. She was attractive, but her eyes were sharp and cunning, like she was constantly assessing how she could maneuver a situation to her advantage. Everything about her presence put Ransom on edge, especially when she shook his hand and she let out a laugh that was just shy of shrill.

“Yeah, nice to meet you.” Ransom had to yank his hand away from her. Pretty or not she was freaking him out. “If Harlan isn’t I’m going to head home, Linda. There’s no reason for me to be here.”

“Nonsense. It’s not like you have someone to go home to.” Oh, he did not like the way Linda’s eyes glittered when she said that. “Be a gentleman and escort this lonely young lady for the night. What could it hurt?”

Aside from his patience he couldn’t come up with anything, so he just shrugged and let the bourgeois waif wind her arm through his. The way she was clinging to him didn’t help him relax at all, nor did the constant inane chatter. That combined with the cloud of Chanel No. 5 that hovered around her made his headache even worse. All he wanted was to go drink and forget about his fucked up family and the boyfriend to whom he was scared to commit.

He didn’t even know how long it had been before Sloane finally left him alone to go to the ladies room, but it was far too long. Ransom was on the far side of the room from the exit, but he still tried to make a break for it, cursing to himself under his breath when his mother intercepted him with that same, phony smile on her face.

“Now now, why are you rushing off so soon?” Linda sank her claws into his arm and steered him towards a secluded table. “I haven’t talked to you in so long and you’re already leaving.”

“Who’s fault is that?” He took the scotch she handed him and downed it in one gulp. “Why did you even bother inviting me here?”

“What, I can’t miss my son?” Linda scoffed when he just scowled at her, tapping her manicured nails against the tabletop with irritation. “Fine. Your grandfather has been talking about missing you quite a bit and is adamant about letting you back into the family. He’s gotten the idea in his head that you must have made something of yourself if you haven’t come back begging on your knees by now.”

“What’s the catch?” Ransom snorted when she tried to look coy. “C’mon, Linda. There’s no way you’d be thinking of letting me back in if there wasn’t something in it for you.”

“You’re too goddamn smart for your own good.” She muttered under her breath and shook her head before addressing him again. “I know, Ransom.”

“You know?” Ransom chuckled a few times before freezing when he saw the smug look on her face. “What do you know?”

“I know about your… god, I can’t even call it a job.” Linda sneered when Ransom seemed to shrink in on himself, leaning forward as she went in for the kill. “Not just a sex worker, but a sex worker for fa…”

“Stop.” If he had to hear that word come out of her mouth he would start crying, and he didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. “Just stop.”

“You have your disgusting job, your piece of shit apartment, and that little boy toy you’ve been fooling around with.” She tutted when Ransom buried his face in his hands and groaned. “It’s ridiculous and uncouth. I’ll not have you parading your vulgar plaything around in front of the family or our friends.”

“They're not my friends, mother.” He felt like he was going to be sick. “He’s not a toy, I love him.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, no you don’t.” Linda sipped on her wine while she watched her son crumble in front of her without an ounce of sympathy. “You love money and being a damn pain in the ass, and as much fun as you might have introducing that fruit to society, I won’t have it. Break it off.”

“No.” Ransom shook his head and barely kept his feet as he tried to hold back a panic attack. “I don’t want to come back if I have to leave him.”

“Oh really?” She cocked her head as she gazed at him with those predatory eyes. “You come back and date that pretty, sweet blonde girl who was hanging on your arm all night and I’ll pay for everything.” When she saw Ransom go completely still she knew she had him. “I have a house all ready for you just a half an hour from Harlan’s, that gorgeous vintage BMW you always wanted, and you’ll get to be part of an important family again. All the parties, all the events, and status. Tell me you don’t want it.”

Ransom felt like the bottom just dropped out of his world. He couldn’t do this. He was a bastard but not that big of a bastard. But he was a bastard. He was dysfunctional and repressed. He was in love with Jake but he was terrified of what that meant. He didn’t know how he could possibly fit into that man’s life and make him as happy as he deserved, because Ransom knew that he didn’t deserve the happiness that Jake did. It could be better if he let him find his own way now, before he had the chance to hurt him even worse. Ransom should only be around assholes, he always knew it, the fact that he was considering this just confirmed it.

By the time he climbed into a cab to go back to the apartment he was drunk. Miserable and drunk. The pool of self pity he was wallowing in was so deep he couldn’t see the bottom. He couldn’t even find his keys, he had to have Jake buzz him up.

“Hi gem, how was it?” Jake turned around on the couch to greet him and his face immediately fell. “Oh Ransom…”

“I can’t… I can’t do this.” Ransom couldn’t bring himself to look at Jake, leaning against the wall and sinking to the floor as he buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh baby, no.” Jake jumped over the back of the couch and went to sit in front of Ransom on the floor. “Don’t apologize, you never have to apologize to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Me, I’m what’s wrong.” Ransom was choking on his words but was determined to not look like the terrified little boy he felt like. “I’m too fucked up for this. I’m too fucked up for you. I can’t give you what you want.”

“All I want is you, Ransom.” Jake reached out to him and flinched when Ransom recoiled. “Just you, that’s it.”

“No it isn’t. How the fuck could it be?” Ransom could hear the pain in Jake’s voice but couldn’t stop now. “You want the family outings and to be ‘uncle Jake’ and domestic bliss. I can’t do that shit, Jake. I can hardly be in the same room as kids, much less have any of my own.”

“Ran…” Jake saw the tears falling from Ransom’s eyes and he lost it, sobbing and gripping Ransom’s hand in spite of the man trying to pull away. “As long as we fucking talk to each other we can make it. You don’t have to do this. I know you feel like you fucking do because yes, your family is that fucked up, but you don’t. I’m here for you, for whatever you need. I love you.”

“I…” Ransom wanted to tell him he didn’t love him, but that was such a fucking lie it got caught in his throat. “I have to go, Jake. I need to leave. I should be back with my family.”

“I can be your family, Ransom.” Jake couldn’t stop himself from pulling Ransom close and wrapping his arms around him. “My family can be your family. You deserve to be loved, to have a family that cares about you. I promise Ransom, you deserve the world. Please believe me.”

“I… I can’t.” Ransom finally crumbled and wept as he embraced Jake in turn. “I’m sorry, I just can’t. I want to, but I can’t. Jake, I have to go back.”

“Ransom,” both of them were a mess but that didn’t stop Jake from kissing Ransom like he was his last breath of air. “I love you so much, goddamn it. I am not going to make you stay, but you should, you can. God, please fucking stay.”

Ransom kissed him back. It was desperate, full of longing and pain. He wished the world would end before the kiss would, but then he had to breathe and reality came crashing around him. His eyes met Jake’s again and he saw the last glimmer of hope die, and he hated himself for killing it.

“I love you, Jake Jensen.” Ransom kissed Jake’s forehead and rose to his feet, staggering towards the door so he could spend the night somewhere else where he wouldn’t have to see the suffering on the face of the man he loved. “But I don’t deserve you. You’ll find someone better, I know you will.”

“Ransom, fuck, just wait.” Jake ran after him and grabbed his wrist to turn him back around. “I’m not stopping you, and I’m not going to tell you that this isn’t the most painful thing anyone has ever put me through, but I’m not going to fucking hate you. You can try all you want, but I love you, I’ll always fucking love you, and all I want is for you to be happy. If it can’t be with me, it should be with someone amazing. Don’t let your family fuck you up any worse, okay?”

“Goddamn it, don’t be such a fucking grownup, Jake.” Ransom had to stop himself from kissing the man again, wrenching himself out of Jake’s grip and running a hand through his hair. “You can keep all my shit. You should forget my number. Goodbye.”

As soon as the door closed behind him he felt his heart freeze over, the sound of Jake’s muffled sobs washing over him as he called himself a cab and went down the stairs. He managed to keep it together for the next week, his face stony and his jaw clenched as he let his mother get him set up in the new house. He even went on a date with the daughter of the upper crust family Linda foisted on him, and Christ was she boring.

It wasn’t until he was moved in, the furniture still wrapped in plastic and a few boxes left to unpack, before he let himself grieve who he’d lost and what he had done to the man he loved, collapsing on the floor and sobbing violently as the moon rose through the trees surrounding his new home. Jake was wrong, he was an absolute and total bastard who deserved nothing but unending pain for the rest of his life. So he let himself feel it, determined to never let go of the anguish that he had brought on himself.

[grandthefoxdelusion]

Ok, so I have been notified of the accusations, and first off, she actually started this all. I can't provide screenshots (unlike her, I actually respect her privacy. But if I have no choice, I will) but when I brought back up an idea, that she was actually ok with and even asked if she wanted to see it, she came at me with rage rants and all caps. The toxicity sparked from her, not me. And the accusation of being friends with someone's groomer genuinely made me sick, scared, and disgusting. Because the thing is, I have been groomed when I was the age of 12. And the thought of lying to someone and befriending someone's groomer just makes me feel like a monster, even though it isn't true.

Now another thing is I wasn't stealing Vian's work, I was inspired by people at my school having similar names to characters, and was following the multifandom crossover trend. As Vian's work wasn't the only one. There's other users to write things like they had, as multifandom crossovers are actual existing trends. But it only was wrong when I made one.

Another thing is it feels more like this is her taking out anger on me. Cause the entire ranting and blaming just felt so out of character. And might I add, she never actually told me what kinds of ideas she's ok with or not, so I genuinely didn't know. Cause she just said "ideas"

The person who sent her the screenshots is one I even trusted, and vented to. But it's actually fucked up how she went as far to take screenshots of a conversation I had with someone who I was venting to. Probably saying I was 'playing victim' but it's just I overly apologize. It's how I apologize, and I never knew it would be used against me.

And something I must say as well is how, because of her post of targeting me, I don't just feel unsafe online, but everywhere else. I even had to ask the few friends I have from before the argument they wouldn't turn on me. Because developing trust issues when I usually am very trusting should actually be saying something, as the accusations just got to my head, and I genuinely was afraid someone would believe them and I'll be hunted down.

Another reason I feel she's tracking me is how her post of how I'm "dangerous" was made in August 13. But only five hours after I made the first post on The Academy of Wonder sideblog, she linked it and put "don't harass" and "tell her how wrong it is" in the same line. Which for my mom, shouts planned assault.

I haven't even been doing well with trying not to overthink about everything, because unlike the monster she labels me, I actually have been getting sick and hungry. Because I felt dying would bring me peace, I honestly felt that. But now, instead, I aim to inform.

I hope this clears some stuff up. And if it's already not obvious enough, this post ONLY aims to just inform. Do not pester, harass, or anything like that of those I mentioned. Thank you for reading.

[unforth]

I've been trying for ages to figure out how to put something into words about The Youth In Fandom and I still don't think I've quite got it but I did reach an insight about it that I think is valuable enough that I'm gonna take a stab at writing it.

For starters, I want to make it clear, there is no "The Youth In Fandom Problem." Based on my efforts running the art sideblogs for danmei fandoms, I can say with a fair degree of confidence that a vast minority of people of all ages are antis, purity wankers, pro-censorship, ageist, etc. Even among people who mark their bios with their age, it's a shockingly low percentage of people under 18 who are being super weird about this stuff, and I think that's something a lot of older folks bemoaning The Younger Generation could stand to know and be reminded of. This isn't a majority, it's just a vocal minority, and tbh...that vocal minority has always been there, at least in my own fandom experiences.

That said, I've personally been the target of "y r u in fandom, old woman? Go take care of your kids!" bullshit, and yes it's definitely real and yes it definitely happens. (I am not old, I am not a woman, I was here before the people who said that to me were born, and I spend all the rest of my time taking care of my kids, so...).

All that introduction is to posit a theory:

The kinds of people who say "you should grow out of it, you're too old for fandom, etc." don't actually really...like what they like.

I know that sounds batshit. They're here blogging about it 24/7, of course they're obsessed! But I really genuinely find myself wondering...like...are they actually obsessed? Or are they just performing obsessed because that's what their peer group is doing? Are they just following along with their friends, mimicking their friends' enthusiasm, going with the flow because they're scared of what will happen if they say "actually I didn't think that show was very good"?

I ended up with this as a theory to posit because is to arrive at "you should grow out of it," you have to start with "I will grow out of it." And to get to "I will grow out of it," you have to start with "I may be into this now but I will definitely Change." And to get to "I will definitely Change," you have to start with the base assumption that loving certain types of media isn't just part of who you are, but rather a temporary persona you've assumed overlaying some deeper Self that will be revealed with time - or that's already been revealed and that you're deliberately masking for whatever reason.

Lemme put it less abstractly (but more longwindedly, lmao).

When I was 16, I was fucking terrified. There were all these things I loved - Star Trek, Hercules and Xena, Babylon 5, Slayers, Evangelion, Fushigi Yuugi, the Wheel of Time, many others - some I'd been into for years, some I'd only just discovered. And I looked at the adults in the world around me, who didn't sleep with stuffed toys, who got into long-term romantic and sexual relationships, who settled into careers that they stuck with for 20, 30, 40 years, who had heaps of responsibilities, and it was so frightening I literally had trouble sleeping at night. My senior year of high school, I trained myself to sleep with a pillow instead of a stuffie because "what would people in college think if they saw me snuggling a stuffed wolf?" That was something I was prepared to sacrifice to be An Adult (tm), something I was (irrationally) ashamed of, something that wasn't so much a part of my personhood that I couldn't give it up. When I left home to go to school at 17, I left my wolf at home. (I brought him with me a year later, and he's now on my bookshelf. Less disposable than 16-year-old me thought, as it turns out, but that's another story.) But there were things about myself I wasn't prepared to sacrifice to fit in during college. I still wore my Star Wars shirt. I still hung my anime posters. I still listened to J Pop. My roommate might judge me. My classmates might judge me. My professors might judge me. I didn't care. Loving those were part of who I was, and I wasn't prepared to give that up.

I found solace by looking at the adults in my life who hadn't had to give up their "childish fancies." I looked at my mother, who introduced me to Star Trek, and thought if she didn't have to stop loving Star Trek to be An Adult, then why should I? I looked at my grandfather, on whose bookshelves I first found the Lord of the Rings, and thought if he didn't have to give up LotR to be An Adult, then why should I? They might not wear fandom shirts, they might not go to conventions, they might not engage in the same way that I did, but they still loved these things, and it gave me hope.

When I was saw adults who still did fan things, who dressed how they wanted, who had cool hair styles or colors, who had tattoos, I thought "wow, what a cool person. I hope I get to grow up to be like them. I hope I'll be that comfortable in my own skin when I'm that age, because I'm sure not that comfortable in my own skin NOW."

I'll have to change in some ways - find A Career, figure out this "attraction" thing everyone keeps fucking talking about, buy a house, all the rest - but I'll be able to love the things I love.

I will still be "me" when I'm an adult, just Me-Plus-More.

I wanted to grow up to be that adult. I was prepared to take figurative arrows, to fight, to slog through, to retain the part of me that felt most valuable - my ability to love the things I loved without apologizing for it. And I knew I could do that, because I already had. Man, the shit people gave me in middle school for being an out-and-proud Trekkie? smh. It was baaaaad.

Time passes. Now I'm 40, and yes, I have changed. I've had more than one career. I got married. I figured out I never did have to figure out that "attraction" shit because I learned asexuality existed and. uh. Oh. I had children. I bought a house.

And I still have a bookcase of manga and I still have a Tumblr blog and I've found new fandoms - many, many new fandoms - nearly all for franchises that didn't even exist when I was 16 and so so scared that I used to literally break down and cry over the prospect of "having" to "give up childish things."

I got myself through on the belief that I'd still be me, and I was right. More than 20 years later, I AM still me.

And that's what leads me back to "why do The Youth think they'll age out of fandom?" And it leads me back to "I can only assume their fandom participation is mostly performative." Because look. This is who I was when I was 10 and read Lord of the Rings, and it was who I was when I was 12 and I started watching Star Trek when Voyager debuted, and it's who I was when I was 17 and I pulled an all-nighter to watch the second season of Fushigi Yuugi, and it's who I was when I was 21 and spent my birthday totally sober and gaming with my friends, and it's who I was at 26 when I got buried up to my eyeballs in Supernatural, and it's who I was at 37 when I watched The Untamed and knew as easy as breathing oh my god I've found the next obsession.

If it's an embraced, realized, adored part of your persona, there's absolutely no reason to think it's going to go away. And there's no reason nor need for it to. There are always gonna be people who judge others for having passions, and there are always gonna be people who embrace others for having passions, and you just gotta identify and avoid the former and find and adore the latter. If you're young, and you love fandom, and you're afraid you, too, will "have to" give up childish things...congratulations! You've got nothing to be afraid of! You never have to change that aspect of yourself!

But...I know these teens on Tumblr who are bullying others already know that because they can see us everywhere. And instead of going, as I did, "oh wow, those older people who still love the things they love are cool! how reassuring! I can be like them!" they think "EW OLD PERSON NOT ALLOWED THIS IS MY ROOM DO NOT ENTER."

And that's weird. When I try to think, "What kind of mentality would lead someone to feel that way, act that way, etc.?" I arrive at: being in fandom is something that they're embarrassed about. Something they're ashamed of, that they think is shameful. Something childish and therefore only for kids, even when the media they're a fan of is entirely made for and by adults. Something they think is made for them in that moment but that they'll be able to easily discard when they move on to more important parts of their lives. Something they know in their heart is transient. Something they're just doing because their friends are doing it.

That's when they'd think "why would an adult still do this?"

When it's something you "know" will be "just a phase," you don it like you don the identity of "high school student," something that'll get shucked a minute after graduation.

And while I found the idea of giving up fandom terrifying, I again can only assume that for these type of person, NOT giving up fandom becomes something terrifying. "Of course this is transient. Of course I'm going to change. I can't wait to change, I hate who I am now! Why did these so-called adults not change? Changing to not like this kind of thing is a sign of Maturity and Adulthood that I am eagerly waiting for, because I believe there's something wrong with being this way, and therefore I assume the adults I see doing this are immature, have something wrong with them, are childish, cannot be Doing Adulthood Right, because they didn't give up the thing."

"I know, in my heart, that I can't WAIT to change, so if they don't want to change, if they haven't changed, something must be wrong with them."

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is the only reason. People are way too complex for there ever to be One Explanation Of All. I'm sure some of the teens who engage in ageist bullying just think they're ~cool~ and ~different~ and their name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Others are just uncomfortable with adults, with or without cause, and think "you don't belong in the same space as me." Some surely have drank the conservative kool-aid even as they've tried to change and are pantomiming the bullshit they were fed by those around them in new and unpleasant ways. Some think "this media was made for people like me and anyone who isn't like me can't possibly be engaging it in the Correct And Proper Way."

Some will grow out of it - out of fandom, or out of thinking that being an adult in fandom is wrong/bad/inappropriate/immature/whatever.

A few especially unpleasant ones...won't.

Unlike young!me, who looked at fannish grown ups and thought "wow, I could grow up to be like them, they're so cool!", you think "ew, I hope I don't grow up to be like them, they're so weird!"

And if that's you...why are you here?

If you don't actually like who are you when you're in fandom, that's okay. You don't have to stay. If you lose your friends because your interests change, then those friends stink and you didn't need them anyway; people who actually care about you will always keep by your side even if your interests and theirs diverge. But just cause YOU are performing your interest in fandom...doesn't mean the rest of us are. Some of us genuinely like it here. And you might think that's fucked up of us, but it's honestly none of your fucking business. You do what you gotta do to grow up, and leave the rest of us already-grown-ups alone.

And if you do genuinely love it and you're just scared because you think you'll have to change - that you'll reach some mystical age of majority and suddenly wake up a different person...you won't. For better and for worse, you'll still be you, so if there's things about yourself you don't like, it'd be better to start working on unpacking that psychological baggage now, because there's never gonna be a miracle point where you Feel Better And Like An Adult unless you put in the effort to change.

Teenagers...you will not grow up to be a new person. You will never give up who you are. You will grow up to be You-Plus-More.

And if that's something you hear and go "omg that's great news!" then I'm glad to be the one who told you. Take heart. There's hope. You can be you and that WILL be okay. You can face up to and grow from the things about yourself you don't like. You can learn more about yourself. You have time, and you will be able to improve yourself, to become more like the parts of yourself you like and less like the parts you hate.

And if that's something you hear and go "oh god no that's the worst" then you need to stare that reaction in the face and understand that the only way change is coming is if you make it happen for yourself. No one is strong-arming you into being a fan. If it's not for you...then stop. It's literally that easy. But don't take out your uncertainty and fear on other random people who are more comfortable with themselves than you are. Most of us are not here because of fear. We're here in the face of our fear, as a fuck you to our fear, because we also grew up being told we'd have to give up so-called childish things to be An Adult, and it turns out that was a pile of bullshit and we can have careers AND anime posters. And we can afford more anime posters, cause our parents are no longer telling us how to spend our money.

If your participation in fandom is primarily performative...just stop performing. Be yourself, and find your OWN passion, and stop shitting on the people who have managed to be more true to themselves and their own interests. You're not cool and edgy and different; you're just an asshole and a bully, and I pity you.

Anyway as you can tell from this rambly mess of a post, I haven't really gotten my finger on my point yet, but idk. I've been thinking about this and I think there's something there???

[otsukare-katsukare]

So I came across this blog and found it quite interesting. I also agree with a lot of it. I like hearing your opinions on things as well, especially these particular topics. So I was wondering - What do you think?

https://www.tumblr.com/wwerasliin-sideblog

hello to you! very glad you came to my blog and liked my opinions. thats all i can ask for as a tumblr user. your link doesnt go to a specific post but judging from the discussion on your blog im guessing youre asking my opinion on sami's potential involvement in the bloodline story and whether roman should apologise to him or not.

(sorry if this is not at all what you were asking. i ended up writing an essay here im afraid.)

i have my own general opinions on what my ideal face turn for roman would have looked like and it's already quite different in reality, but the general gist is yeah, an apology to sami would be, like, thing one. at this point, however, with kevin's heel turn, i just dont know. the way it's played out till this point my heart just doesnt want sami anywhere near roman, because unlike jey, sami really does not have any good reason to go back based on family ties. and roman should not want him back, either. from roman's POV sami was the first brick to fall in his family falling apart, and he betrayed him when he gave him so much. and as far as sami's concerned, the best friend/soulmate that he literally betrayed roman for is currently at his lowest emotional point because his two other closest friends have sided with a man who was his sworn enemy for three years and terrorised both him and his loved ones. for sami to go to roman now, no matter what the guy says, would just feel so cruelly thoughtless to kevin. but very on brand for wwe.

but there was a world where i was completely on board with the 'sami forgives roman' narrative, if roman had come back after losing the title completely alone and ostracised, for the first time in his life. his bloodline scattered, abandoned by his wiseman, justifiably hated by nearly everybody on the roster, and no gold to make him feel better about everything. if he spent some time as a desperate and pathetic heel, trying to win back his old family members using his old gaslighty tricks that don't work anymore, taking on opponents who he'd been mowing through before with the help of the numbers game, but who now smelled blood in the water and got their vengeance, only getting sparing wins. slowly learning what he'd put everyone else through and starting to feel genuine remorse - in that scenario, i would have actually loved to see sami be the first of roman's victims to see him as a genuinely changed man and accept the olive branch. not joining his bloodline (concept should just not exist at this point) but being his optimistic and forgiving self that sees the best in people. in this scenario, roman asking for sami's forgiveness in the first place would also make more sense, as he would realise that he's no longer entitled to his family just on the basis of blood, and that with sami, the wounds arent as deep, and maybe sami could help him be a better person.

(in this fantasy scenario seth is also involved, and the first person who actually reconnects with roman again. cause the shield bond is binding and what happened at wm40 finally buried the last of the resentment between them. but he cant make roman better the way sami can.)

unfortunately while i think this would be a good character arc and story, it is not a good wrestling story, formally. there's no way that people werent going to cheer vociferously for roman, and that's kind of all that matters at the end of the day with this medium. they just happened to make a story with the bloodline that's a bit too nuanced and genuninely fiction-esque for the wwe formula. ah well. but the way things are now if sami goes back to roman without roman apologising then i'll stand by kevin whatever he decides to do in reponse including but not limited to apron powerbombs.

thanks for asking me my wrestling opinions! if this is in fact what you wanted to hear, if not, then i hope it was of interest anyway.

[quibbs126]

hi!! you said it'd be okay to request oc/canon fankids, so i thought i'd toss one of mine into the mix! her name's salt lick cookie, and she's a farmhand on a ranch. she mostly helps with the horses (hence 'salt lick'), and is a HUGE Horse Girl™. she has that THICK southern drawl, and is pretty laid-back in general. her pet would be a little living hobby-horse toy, y'know, the kind on a stick that you'd stand over and run around pretending to ride as a kid.

i think it'd be REALLY cute to pair her with potato cookie, since they both work closely with animals, and potatoes and salt tend to work well together lmao!

i do wanna apologize for a couple things regarding the reference image: since i can't draw, i used a mobile dollmaker app, so the colors aren't 100% accurate… salt licks run the gamut from pure white to a deep, pinky red, but nothing's as dark as the red on her overshirt, so that red should be lighter and more pinkish. (her bandana is supposed to be white and pink, too, not. yellow.) and the website i used to make the background transparent decided to also make her pigtails, shirt, and half of one boot transparent… hopefully that won't make a difference if the canvas is white?

ah, sorry, one more thing, if you ever decide to draw this, i'd prefer if you tagged energy-drink-cookie, since that's my cookie run sideblog!! even if you pass on this, i think it's really cool that you're open to ocs and i hope you're having a good day!

Here you are, this is Potato Chip Cookie

You said to tag @energy-drink-cookie so here you go

Oh and by the way if you’re wondering why the oc looks different in my ref than the one given, it’s because I redrew it myself and afterwards I was told I could use that version if I wanted

Anyways on to the show, so I named him Potato Chip simply because they’re potatoes and they’re usually salty. I mean one’s salt and the other potatoes, what else was I gonna do if not some form of salty potatoes?

Potato chips:

Funny enough when making the initial rough sketch, I thought he looked a bit too much like Salt Lick, but around the time I was finishing up, I thought he looked a bit too much like Potato. I’m willing to say now he’s probably more of an even balance

I do admit that I kind of just gave him Salt Lick’s top hair, just with some more rounded ends to resemble Potato more. I was always planning on making his hair blonde with white streaks since he’s still a potato, but I also made the blonde slightly more orange, though I don’t think it’s very noticeable

I also gave him those dark brown flecks in his hair just because the potato chips I was looking at had some pepper in them. And it tied in with the eyebrow color

I gave him pink eyes because it was supposed to represent the salt, but also I realize that if I didn’t give him pink eyes, he’d definitely look too much like Potato

So with his outfit, initially he was going to be a farmer, but I ended up think “what if he was a chef instead?” and went with that for everything below his scarf (since that was what I had drawn first). But also I didn’t change the initial look, mostly because I really liked it, so I think his top part and his bottom part may not entirely coincide with his theme

When trying to finalize the colors, I wasn’t sure about giving Potato Chip his yellow shirt, since I thought it looked off, but my friend told me to make it flannel and make his scarf red, so I did. I think I’ve gotten flannel mostly down, but truthfully I’m not sure

But yeah overall I quite like his design

Now onto his character

So I said before he’s a chef. Well he still lives on the potato farm with his family, but he also acts as their cook, since he’s got aspirations of one day being a famous chef (though he’s currently a bit too young to pursue these dreams, he’s still a teenager). His dishes mainly consist of various things made of potatoes like potato salad, potato chips, potato pancakes, loaded potatoes, you get the picture. Also if they have a mill for potato flour/starch, I imagine he mans it as his main role on the farm

Other than that, he’s a sweet guy. A bit shy and sometimes easily startled, but he doesn’t have an ounce of malice in his dough. He just likes to make food for the people he cares about

And yeah I think that’s about it for Potato Chip, I hope you like him!

[revasserium]

i have been good!! i’m in a new phase of my life because… i need to find a job 💀💀 it’s been hard. i’m not quite sure what i want to do… but hopefully something that will give me the spare time to read fanfic XD things have been pretty hectic for me. how have you been?? — milk anon

i… deleted my sideblog because my sideblogs got out of control, but i remade it again! however… i’m starting to wonder if i should tag my asks with anonymilk because i know the allure of anons is to be anonymous…. i feel having a sideblog where you can sort of trace one’s footprint makes the other person less anonymous… what do you think? XD - milk anon

omg!! yeah the job search is hard :( my bf is going through it right now and i rly do not envy him. if you don't mind sharing, what sector are you going into? if ur not comfy, that's totally okay too! :) but i know that tech rn is having a really rough time, but that some people are predicting that things will look up kind of soon <3 fingers crossed for you!!!

things have been good for me! work and life and stuff :) i've been a bit more stressed recently, but it comes in waves, and writing has definitely been good for that. my bf is a godsend and has been my pillar for sure.

it's kind of strange, having been on tumblr for so long and seeing all the phases it goes through, and then like growing up urself as well ukno? i recently turned 30, so that also kinda gave some perspective into things u__u

i do think there's a strange charm to anons! :) i miss the days when ppl would get like rp-anons and stuff, those were always fun. it was so fandom, but so cute <3

i think do whatever makes you feel the most happy/safe! :D at the end of the day, this is just a silly lil platform for a bunch of silly lil ppl to chatter about their silly lil hyperfixations !!!

[give-a-wormadam]

Let's make this simple, shall we? My name is Clarence, and frankly, I'm wary as to how good of an idea joining this website was. Against my better judgement, I joined anyway. Hopefully you all can dispell my doubts.

My team, for those wondering:

Wormadam (Leaf Cloak)

Wormadam (Sandy Cloak)

Wormadam (Trash Cloak)

Mothim

I'm still looking for two other pokemon to add to my team, but as you can see, I do favor the Burmy line.

And yes, I'm a Flare apologist. What are you going to do about it?

But I've spoken of myself for too long. What should I know about you?

Some things to know OOC

This blog is SFW

Pelipper Mail is open! Magic anons I'm a little more selective with, though.

Please be patient with me, as I'm kind of scarce on tumblr these days.

This is a sideblog to @mersonpkmnirl

Picrew credit!

Rules are subject to change))

[copperbadge]

hey sam! i was just ruminating that it's a fantastic time for authors to do dvd commentaries, and other 'ask the author' memes. it's additional material and feedback all in one package! (after we explain what a dvd extra is)

I suppose I'm of two minds about it. My immediate thought was that authors have always done Q&As, but it's true that they used to be less accessible both to readers and to the authors if they weren't big names, because they required travel (and in the reader's case, knowing the author would be traveling, plus having to go out to wherever they were doing the reading). Authors still do book tours and signings for that kind of purpose, but being able to do that kind of thing online as well now makes it easier and cheaper. Although I wonder whether there's less sense of connection because it's not face-to-face. But yeah, I would imagine it's pretty great for gauging what the overall readership is interested in. Certainly in dialogue with readers when I put my books up for review, I always learn a lot.

The idea of a DVD commentary is kind of interesting because I was like "How would that work with a book, though?" and I guess you could annotate an ebook -- like, offer a version with little widgets where if you clicked them you'd get the author adding notes about the book. I've never been a fan of actual DVD commentaries -- I don't like filmed interviews because they take so fucking long to actually say anything, and with a DVD commentary you've now got the addition of "talking over the story". But I could see how if you loved a book you might like having a version where you've got extra notes.

I struggle with the idea of "additional material" somewhat. I suppose that's ironic given how much I discuss outside-of-book on this blog, but that's just....I don't know, it's answering questions, it's not like "building the canon outside of the canon", and if I think something is good enough, it always goes into the books. The whole "They speak English with a Welsh accent" thing was amusing, but then I was like "Yeah let's actually put that in the text, why should it live on Tumblr alone?"

There's so much media now where it feels like if you aren't spending every waking moment interacting with every aspect of it, you just don't get to...be a fan, in an active sense. There are podcasts I follow where if you want to do anything other than listen to the episodes, even if you just want to attend a live show or buy merchandise, you have to dedicate significant time weekly to following them on all the social media and actively read their Patreon. And I just can't. I really like that creators can put that kind of thing out there, I think overall that's to the good, but it feels like something I'm blocked from participating in.

So, I keep all my shit here. I've had it suggested that I'd benefit as a writer from having a newsletter, which I actually agree with, and it seems like it could be entertaining to do. But I get caught up in this dichotomy of "Well, won't people be mad that they have to go subscribe to this thing instead of just reading my tumblr?" and/or "Won't subscribers be aware they can just find all this on my tumblr?" and I get real in my head about it. Because I'd struggle with having to go two separate places for stuff like that.

Uh, to circle back to your actual ask, however, because all that was just like...IDK, weird anxiety digression, I do think it's a great era for extra-canonical material, and while it does mean creators have to be much better at boundary-setting than they used to be, I like that they can adjust their level of interaction as they see fit.

Oh and uh. It's felt awkward to actually talk about it, but if you guys do want more material I do have a sideblog, @shivadh, which is where I stash everything I want to make note of for the books -- research, imagery, stuff I've talked about here that hasn't got a place to go in googledocs yet, that kind of thing. It's not extra material per se, it's just me shoving shit into a filing cabinet, and I don't do image IDs like I do here because it's more for me, plus I do delete posts once I've made use of them. But folks are welcome to follow if they want to.

[lost-technology]

Since I saw some supplemental materials posted on a reblog browsing a blog and it's from a name that's blocked me... I'm again wondering "Why has this person blocked me???" Okay, there is someone in this fandom (not putting a name up here because I don't want to put them on the spot) who seems to know an awful lot about what Studio Orange is doing, they post a lot of concept-art. I don't know where they get it from - if they go to cons and snap photos of panels or if they do deep-dive searches or if the show bible is available in their country (they appear to be Russian or Russian-speaking while also English-speaking?) and it's stuff we don't get in the U.S.A. wherever it is gotten from, or where they are getting it from, but I do see their stuff reblogged from time to time on other people's blogs. It's the only way I can see it. I can't see this stuff even going to the Trigun tag because they have me blocked - and not just my Trigun-related sideblogs, but my main blog as well. (I do not know if this is because I listed my main blog somewhere or if I've mentioned my Trigun blogs on my main blog and have put stuff in the Trigun tag there before). Anyway, the fact that they have my main blocked and both of my Trigun blogs (I've found out when I've tried to reblog from them in the past and gotten a red-code and I can easily see who has blocked me if I go to replies and go to the drop-down on replies if they have an open reply-box) makes me think "Wow, this person must really hate me." - I haven't the foggiest idea why, either. I don't know what I said on any of my blogs to offend. I have to wonder if they were an OG fan back in "the day" who remembers me before I got medication and therapy / whacked over the head by life and was an objectively much shittier person (at least I hope I'm a much less shitty person today). Maybe there was a misunderstanding? Maybe I annoyed one of their friends? Gheez, I wonder if there's a callout post about me somewhere... (if so, if anyone has seen such, I'd like a chance to clear things up. Maybe a lot of untruth has been said about me. Maybe some things that were true but aren't anymore. Maybe some things stand, but if so, I'd like to be able to know, acknowledge and address). Then again, maybe I'm just banhammered because I am openly an older fan and some people think everyone over 30 should not be in fandom of any kind. Who knows? (My hyper-paranoia makes me worry "Are they on the Orange production crew to bring out all this info that they do every now and again? Did I somehow offend someone who works on the project? Am I even ALLOWED to be a fan? But then I take another look at what posts on reblogs I do see that has them theorizing and guessing as much as everyone else does, which means that they probably aren't and are just...somehow getting some concept-art). Bottom line: I want to know where to access this concept-art and translations of story-theory independent of tumblr and the occasional coming across it on tumblr. I don't want to be kept in the dark until I'm curiosity-browsing someone's art-blog and I see a reblog from "Oh, person whose blog is a Ghost Blog to me for reasons unknown." (Anyway, um, fuck you, too, buddy?)

[antiradqueer]

Okay, allow me to tell you this story, because I literally just got back from school because I got sick BECAUSE of this story (it's not that bad actually, I'm pretty sensitive to these things, but it's still interesting)

So, there is a blog (that I prefer not to name) that is very famous among the community of my identity. I saw all my favorite blogs interacting with this blog and this blog has even interacted with ME (and they are so famous that I felt like I was talking to a celebrity that day)

But, I had never taken the initiative to follow them. Out of shame, since I felt they were a VERY important person and I am extremely sensitive to criticism (especially from people I consider important).

Well, I overcame all my shame and started following them a few days ago. I noticed that in their pinned post there was nothing about opinions on radqueers but since they always interact with my favorite blogs that are openly anti-transid and anti-c and vice versa, I just thought it was kind of obvious, like, I think being anti-PRATs is the "standard opinion", right?

Well, that went on for some time. Very little time, in fact. In less than two days, I noticed that their account simply disappeared from the list of people I followed. I was scared thinking that the account had been suspended, but I was suspicious that that wasn't the problem... And in fact it wasn't, they blocked me.

Well, it's not like I'm some horrible monster who would punish them for it or smth, but I was bothered by what I could have done to make this happen. I have never been blocked in my life, and by such an important person? I know being blocked on Tumblr isn't something you should take personally, but without any discussion? I don't wanted but took it personally, and that's what triggered my super-strong-anxiety-attack that made me feel sick today.

So, for that reason, I decided to check their pinned post again, see if I missed anything, violated any limits (unintentionally) or something, and then I logged in under another account, but I didn't find anything. But, of course, I still wanted to see their posts, and I kept seeing them (even though every time I remembered that anxiety and wondered if I was too horrible to be blocked by someone so amazing).

Then, checking out this blog of theirs and some other sideblogs (sorry, I know what I did sounds terrible, and it really was, but I became so obsessed with what I could have done, maybe this is my possible AvPD but I'm not sure), I found two very interesting things...

First, a post that started with "hey antis" (🚩?) and then went on to say that assuming that all transid or paraphilic people should "see a psychologist/psychiatrist" is the same as assuming that people with other disorders have to go to therapy to "cure themselves" and only then be allowed to live in society. And, in fact, if you think of "transid" as meaning, in this specific case, BIID or Munchausen (I'm not sure if that's how you spell it but I believe you know what I'm talking about), and think that paraphilic disorders still are disorders, it's a good point to make, so I didn't mind so much... But I was a little more alert.

So the second one was posted on the main blog, and it was simply they saying that "transid ppl are not racists or ableists, and most antis are ableists because they think being transid is a disorder and still shame people for it" and... Yeah, I think that concludes the story. I felt sick today because of the anxiety of the other days, but more than that, I can't stop thinking about it. It's like my whole world has fallen apart. Such a loved person in my community... and they simply support transid. Crying, screaming even.

TL;DR: there is this super famous blog in my identity community and I finally overcame my shame and started following them a few days ago, but I was blocked days later. I started looking at their blog (and sideblogs) to see why they blocked me, and I found, on a sideblog, a post saying "hey antis" and arguing that transids shouldn't be forced to go to therapy, and after forgiving that one, I found another post on their main blog, and this time it was just them saying that antis are ableists because "they think being transid is a disorder and they still persecute transid ppl".

sorry for the late answer

long ass ask so imma just let others read