#woke panic

[netscapenavigator-official]

I think the Starfield devs should give the Woke Panic people what they want and provide a pronouns toggle at the start of the game. If opted-out, all in-game pronouns default to she/her. Because if there's one thing that makes incels angrier than trans people, it's strong female lead rolls in video games.

[sunderwight]

It's actually kind of hilarious to contemplate the prospect that the genre shift in SV means that Luo Binghe's harem go the queer route as well and start largely pairing off into lesbian ships with one another.

Mostly because of the sheer scale of Bingge's harem, and the fact that a lot of it was comprised of the members of politically influential families.

Can you imagine the freak-outs that various lords and kings are probably having over the fact that their daughters keep eloping with one another? The practical ones are probably going to be like, well, a political alliance is an alliance, welcome to the family Random Demon Princess! But a lot of them are probably going to be pissed that their bloodline's liable to die out, and that the perfectly suitable match (read: asshole cannon fodder Bingge did away with in PIDW) they arranged for their daughter got interrupted by some lady cultivator kidnapping her from her wedding instead. Imagining several prominent nobles in various realms furrowing their brows together and just being like, is it something in the water? Did some plant do this? Is it like it a cultural ripple effect, the Demon King is gay so now all the youngsters are too?

[paintpanic]

dream i had

[orsanedraws]

what the fuck usamericans. what the fuck

[tartarusknight]

I need a fem Steddie fic where Stevie is a singer. I know, I know, but it has to be Stevie. She is put in the industry by her parents who see her voice to be the only good thing she has going for her. It's either have her try to get famous or marry her off.

So, they get a friend to sign her on. They make the stereotypical pop music for a girl. Stevie sings whatever songs they hand her and she starts to gain a good following. But it's more men who leer at her.

A few years go by and she's tired of the act. So much so that she takes the invite one of the stagehands give her out of pity to a party. It's not the normal kind of party she goes to while on tour, instead it's more of a friend hang out. But Dustin was a sweet kid and Stevie needed to get away from her managers and parents for a night.

When she gets there, she immediately is drawn to the tall girl who greets Dustin by shaking him around. Stevie soon is introduced to Eddie, who looks her up and down like she just can't help it. But Stevie knew she shouldn't. She had an image to maintain and parents to please.

But after a little while and a few drinks, she's being pressed into the door being kissed within an inch of her life. She feels for the first time a connection and it's a night that's seared into her mind. A usurpingly sweet and tender moment of passion. But she wakes up to an empty bed without a note or number. So, she needs to move on. But she just can't.

Her life feels changed for the better and she begins to understand herself more from the spark she felt. But when she's handed her mic and expected to go on stage and sing about boys, she feels dread. The night is rough, but she makes it a point to give her fans a show. But the rest of the tour drags on worse than ever.

The moment it's done she gets a lawyer and ends the contract a few month earlier than it was supposed to expire. It's emotionally draining but she can't spend another moment on stage being someone she isn't.

She searches for another label to sign under, instead she finds a recently graduated music producer. Robin Buckley is awkward and has a degree in music and knows a few different instruments.

It's a chance meeting really. One that would never have happened if there hadn't been a fire in a mall. Stevie hadn't been prepared for it when she went in, but she still readily threw herself in protecting the girl when a piece of ceiling collapsed.

They ended up stuck in a room together, trying not to pass out from the smoke slowly filling the room. And told all their secrets like a final confession. Stevie told Robin about how there was a girl that stole her heart and she never let herself be... well her.

Robin admits to feeling like she was going to fail for picking a job she enjoyed instead of something to get money fast. Her parents showed her disappointment and she's worried about not making it.

So, there in the small bathroom, Stevie promised to take a chance and work with her. That when they got out, maybe they'd work together to produce music themselves. It's a moment of tears and promises, ones they both never think would come true, but then they're saved.

It's slow going, but soon the two of them are making music under a mix of their names. Sin. Of course, many people recognize the voice and face of Stevie, but it's a new start. And they are making a statement.

Stevie leans into her new identity at as a lesbian, something she hadn't told the public before. She writes music about a girl that took her breath away and how men never seemed to work for her. Robin of course, was there to push her and help her make each song better than before.

They make a full album and release it through their own little company, and they have a social media platform where they mess around to promote their songs. Stevie's image changes and she isn't hiding in the closet anymore with Robin being completely herself as well.

Their first song that blows up is from a small tik tok of Stevie in extravagant makeup and a magician's outfit, a sexy one of course. Singing, "She was a playboy, Brigitte Bardot. She showed me things, I didn't know. She did it right there, out on the deck. Put her canine teeth in the side of my neck."

But soon people were all over the album and the difference in Stevie Harrington's music and Sin's. Stevie went all out, and Robin was right there next to her, playing most of the instruments in the songs. They have to reach out though for other artists to join them on tour.

That's when a familiar stagehand reaches out with the number of the best guitarist he knows. She doesn't have any social media, and her last phone fell through a drain grate but "she's the absolute best! I promise you'd want to give her an audition!" Dustin had been so excited, and Stevie only had fond memories of the kid, so she agrees.

As Stevie and Robin take auditions, low and behold, Dustin walks into the room with Eddie right next to him. Stevie feels the air get sucked out of her lungs and she can't tear her eyes away.

The moment is broken but the stumble in Eddie's step and how her face goes bright red. Suddenly Dustin's dragging Eddie inside and Stevie doesn't care for a moment if Eddie's the worst guitarist in the world, she wants to hire her right then and there.

Robin can see her brain melting out of her ears and makes the decision to take Eddie to audition and give Stevie and Dustin a chance to catch up.

But soon enough Stevie's on stage kneeling next to a kneeling Eddie's on stage. Singing, It's hard when you're going through hell and you're hating yourself, I'm feeling myself. It's hard when you know that you're caught and you're getting pissed off, it's getting me off. It's hard, it's hard. Oh, God, oh, God, Oh, God." And grinning when Eddie's pupils blown wide as Stevie fakes an orgasm on stage, mid-song.

Yeah, I want this as a fic so much.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

In the clurb, we all terrified 🥲

I will never EVER understand how our country will trust a felon, liar and rapist before it trusts a woman

[sylvich]

[invisiblerambler]

I want to make one thing abundantly clear. Sydney staying at The Bear especially if Carmy decides to do his part in getting his shit together is not her "accepting less than she deserves" it's her deciding that to her the work required is worth it and sometimes the best things do not come easy. Life is not that cut and dry and it's not always about leaving to pursue the easier thing. If she stays it's because she believes it will be the best choice based on whatever priorities she has, you may not see it as the right choice but it doesn't mean she is automatically accepting less than she deserves

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[pantheoned]

does anyone know. how to run away from the cptsd

[mishy-mashy]

Kudo is actually such a kind, soft-hearted guy that had to toughen up because he cared too much

He looked at AFO's rule, and even though he was weak, he had that glint in his eye that has been referred to as the "will of a hero" to oppose him. A hopeful glint shared with Midoriya, Bakugo, and Hawks

He even parallels Hawks when they talk about that particular look in their eye

From a glimmer in the eye, to which eye is shown, how much of the face, a similar angle of the face, and placement of text questioning the existence of that light,

He stormed to kill Yoichi with Bruce, but couldn't, once he saw the state Yoichi was in. Even knowing he was the enemy, he still reached out his hand and never let go, even when they were running

When Yoichi died, even though they'd only been together for two months, Kudo still cried and froze up.

This is a reaction from a man who repeatedly used lives as a stepping stone for his own goal.

Kudo said himself, that victory was life, and defeat was death. He had killed and seen his friends killed over and over, but still cries when it happens again. And to someone he only knew for two months, at that.

Kudo gathered allies under his cause, and they were loyal enough to die for him. Bruce cries (still smiling tho) facing AFO, tried protecting Kudo when he froze up at Yoichi's death, and we see all Kudo's comrades dead in the end. Maybe Bruce was suicidal when he went to face AFO, knowing he'd die, but most of his comrades (and Kudo) were already gone. Their cause was snuffed out, but the will persisted.

Kudo is a bit like Aizawa.

A bit crass and blunt, doesn't like beating around the bush, but he can clearly see what kind of person you are. He's not openly kind, but you know he cares so much, but has also lost too much once. He's seen his friend(s) die, and shouldn't it have been him in that spot? Shouldn't he have died instead, but was forced to continue living for that dead person's sake?

His speech about why we call Abilities "Quirks", recognizing people's intent over raw power is the real power. (Ch 369)

He's blunt and goes straight to the results rather than beat around the bush, but it doesn't mean his heart is frozen and he doesn't care about you. (Ch 408)

He cares so much, and that's why he has to do so much. (His whole Resistance thing, figuring out how Yoichi's Factor works to make sure Yoichi and his will can live on in some way)

He recognizes that Midoriya isn't driven by duty, but that he genuinely adores Quirks too much. (Ch 414) He could look at Midoriya, read that immediately, and even though he looked through his memories, Midoriya's character was his takeaway. Not that Midoriya is an idiot for letting himself be stepped on, or that this kid was bullied, but that Midoriya could see the goodness in others.

Like how Aizawa saw that Midoriya was relying on the reason [It can't be helped] whenever OFA broke his bones and told him he can't always break himself just because he could be fixed (Midoriya's recklessness that showed itself on the first day of school). He called out something that was an underlying, innate belief to Midoriya, that was so normal to the teen, and no one else had brought up as wrong to him.

The first thing they perceive is a person's character.

When Aizawa tied up Midoriya on the first day of school, he wasn't telling him off over his Quirk destroying him being a PR thing or too gruesome for the public. It was out of the fact that his Quirk shouldn't destroy him, because it's dangerous for Midoriya.

Aizawa came off antagonistic, but he was looking out for Midoriya. He didn't want him to keep breaking his whole arm, he didn't want him to get stuck in the mindset that he had to get hurt to use his Quirk, he was looking out for his wellbeing from the start. A kid he didn't know personally until that day.

Kudo did a similar thing. He turned his back, and refused to help, because they were putting their hopes in a delusional boy who would go too far. When the vestiges realized their gathered Abilities and Quirks were letting Midoriya have the freedom to do as he wished, Kudo already knew, only saying "His path is the right one". He could relate to having to run full-sprint to see your goal realized, even if everything opposed him, but didn't want Midoriya to go through that same path alone.

If he were alone, he'd be like Nagant. He had to have comrades to be like Kudo, able to continue and stand for their beliefs, but having comrades to fall back on, or pull him back when it's too much. That's why he follows up in that moment with, "But, if there's something Midoriya does need..."

Kudo and Aizawa could see themselves or their comrades in others, and knew how to approach those character flaws that were normalized to others and said person.

Kudo could see others for who they were, and I think it's this, and his caring nature, that he gathered so many allies with him. He knew when to be blunt, when to show kindness, that the truth hurts but needs to be seen, was actually very logical and witty, and when to step aside and let people do their thing, even if it wasn't the best move (like saving All Might). Because that was what was best for that person.

It's not like people would join someone so wholeheartedly without conviction and being left unseen by that person. So many people were willing to die with and for Kudo, and Bruce believes in him so much.

When All Might's vestige was fading and becoming more solid, Kudo had to look away. They knew it meant All Might was dying in the real world.

Kudo was telling Midoriya not to intervene with Gearshift there. But once he saw All Might genuinely dying out, he couldn't look at him, and kept quiet. He stopped hanging onto battlefield logic of necessity, shut up, let Midoriya do his thing, and it saved All Might. It saved Midoriya from seeing his idol die in front of him, and Kudo didn't have to see another ally die beside him.

The chapter is literally called [We Love You All Might!!]. Even if it's just meant to focus in Bakugo and Midoriya, and only has 2 exclamation marks, it can't discount the world is watching. The vestiges care about All Might too.

When the vestiges come up with the plan to forcibly transfer themselves to deal damage, Kudo volunteers himself as the test dummy. Sure, he backs it with a lot of reason too, but he didn't want anyone else to go first as a test drive

He, with a Gearshift Ability that resembled a manual car, was the test drive. Ha ha pun- *gets shot*

En tried going first. Kudo rejected him, saying he would go first.

"Part ways with Gearshift [me], and you'll be free of the crippling recoil too."

Too. TOO.

KUDO JUST WANTED TO GO AND BE DESTROYED FIRST. HE PUT THE FREEDOM OF RECOIL DOWN AS AN EXTRA BONUS SO THEY'D AGREE WITH HIS CHOICE.

I'd cut the image so it looks better, and I can use Bruce's words elsewhere, but this is an image limit, so,

- Kudo refused to let anyone else go first. This was before giving reasons to convince them he should leave first

- En gives reason to why it can't be Kudo. Kudo just says, "Listen." and reminds them of now.

- Look at Kudo's face when he says that. The guy knows what he's doing when he cuts off En, and would probably be a horrible liar. He might as well be pulling this out of his ass.

He's said "The world will end" "You have to or else" "Five minutes" "You're going to die" a few times in this fight already. DUDE STOPPP

(Terrible liar and a guy who purposely eggs you to torment? What a great friend he would be [yknow, when u make ur friends freak out by being ominous or reminding them of stuff. Like Toast to Lilypichu in a game of Observation Duty])

- "Too."

- Bruce's trust in him, but knowing when to pull Kudo back from going too far

Also, when he's transferred, he smiles to Midoriya. He knows he's about to die again, but the last thing he does for Midoriya is

1) Take away the recoil of his existence as a Factor on the boy

2) Reassure him that it's okay, so it doesn't weigh on his conscience

Even if only in thought, STILL!

KUDO LOOKED SO PROUD OF MIDORIYA!

I bet Kudo is suuuch a sentimental fool

> [Be me and watch your new friend die]

> [I have Yoichi's Factor]

> [It's like I carry his will now]

> [Have a glint of opposition in my eye that drives the Demon Lord and my comrades (Bruce) crazy]

> [Hey Bruce, let's figure out how it transfers]

> [Bruce's common sense VS my rabid ideas]

> [I win]

> [Bruce was unwilling the whole time and still ends up with the Factor]

> [The Factor is named One For All, after something in Yoichi's favorite comic book series]

> [We pass it on to the future to carry forward]

> [Even as everyone else and me dies, I make sure Yoichi and his will are safe from his Demon Lord brother that locked him up]

> [Decades later, my sweet vaulted friend reminds me of when we met]

> [I turn around and give my whole-hearted support to believe in some 15-year old boy because Yoichi believes in him too]

SEN - TIM - ENT - AL!

When Shinomori was stolen by AFO, Shinomori pushed everyone away before they could really notice the invader. Kudo called out for him.

Everyone is in shock, but I don't think it's a mistake that the text bubble calling out for Shinomori is pointing from Kudo.

All For One made it through and is ready to steal them, but the first thing Kudo did was call out for the one at the very front.

[On the post I made that mentions Shinomori pushing everyone away] What if Kudo wasn't pushed away? What if this was him at the front, realizing the danger and turning around, but being unable to do anything for Shinomori when he saw?

Like Bruce, Kudo communicates. He doesn't expect you to just follow or understand him. He actually lays it out and makes sure you keep up.

He explains

- the transfer of vestiges, and why he should go first

- his Quirk

- why Quirks are Quirks

- reports to Midoriya what's happening and what's next

- to Yoichi why they couldn't trust in a delusional boy. In a way that wasn't Bruce's roundabout "we lived in a terrible era and a leader gathered us"

When En panics, he barks at En to keep up. By barking at him, rather than any other way he could've used his tone, it shuts up En in his frantic babbling. Kudo also lets Vestige Might put in his thoughts to understand better, and uses it.

Eye reflection. Kudo can really see people for who they are, and understands others, and himself.

I can't repeat the pics cuz image limit, but look at previous panels here. For example, Kudo saying Yoichi's will lives in him, and when AFO reflected in his eyes

It's something I learned from Re:Zero. When a person in reflected in one's eye, something something that person can see the true core of you, of what you really are underneath everything. The eyes are the window and mirror [glass] of the soul. I finally see the true you.

AFO never reflected anyone.

But Kudo reflected AFO when the man accidentally killed Yoichi. He saw that AFO wasn't seeing anything, so later, Kudo smiled and mocked AFO at his own death.

"Yoichi?"

"He's gone."

"You killed him, Demon Lord."

And AFO hated that reminder.

Kudo was reminding him of what the truth was. Kudo saw it himself, and AFO blocked it out from the get-go. Kudo already knew what AFO was, what he was seeing, what he was doing to himself by blaming Kudo instead of himself.

And then, Kudo's eyes reflected his own hand when he realized Yoichi's Factor was in him.

Kudo clearly saw himself, and in himself, Yoichi. Nothing distorted it. It really was a clear mirror.

He really perceived Yoichi's will was living on, and was right. Otherwise, his eyes wouldn't have shown it.

Kudo was right about AFO. It's even implied back when he and Bruce had their backs turned; Kudo knew what AFO's real goal was. That was back when AFO preached unity and division under him.

Kudo could always see right through AFO. He really understood people from the start. And he never tried making up truths to justify what he was seeing, facing it head-on.

Kudo's lying about the world being black and white.

Kudo and Bruce saw the world as black and white. This was mentioned in the void.

Kudo also says, "Victory meant life. Defeat meant death."

But it's the Resistance. It's when Japan and the world was at their lowest. The world wasn't black and white; there's lots of gray.

Kudo and Bruce would've seen this. Kudo even admits that there's gray, just not directly.

Kudo says Yoichi knows, how he killed and trampled so many lives, to get back at AFO. He knows it wasn't right, or an amazing choice. Later, he says that when your back is against the wall, you have to make callous judgements. These hint at gray moments.

Kudo and Bruce have faced and been in the gray. But it's too hard to make the right choices, and there are times there is no right answer.

Historically, soldiers would convince themselves the enemy were monsters. They wouldn't be able to fight and kill them otherwise. They wouldn't be able to live with themselves without believing in this so badly.

Kudo and Bruce had to have been the same way. They were Meta Humans [Monsters] in a time they were viewed as diseased humans. The monsters were real. And they had a Demon Lord. Kudo and Bruce literally dressed up as soldiers.

Even if they were monsters to society, being Meta, Kudo and Bruce were still human. They knew this. The ones who tried believing in only black and white were inhabitants of the gray itself.

But they have to protect themselves. Kudo is so adamant that the world is only black and white, because he can't stand the gray. What it makes him do, what it means, that he's too weak to do anything.

Yoichi is an example of that gray area. The mortal enemy's younger brother, was actually locked up and sickly. He's just a comic book nerd. And it humanized the other side Kudo opposed so vehemently.

Kudo says victory is life and defeat is death. And Yoichi asked why he reached out to him then. He reminded Kudo of that gray area, and Kudo opened up.

Kudo might avoid the gray area because it's a matter of the heart and a moral dilemma, but it's what makes him human. When there's no right answer in the battlefield, he decides on his feelings instead.

He wishes the world was black and white, because it'd be so easy. But it's not.

Yoichi reminded him of how entering that gray area led to OFA ("when you reached out your hand to me"), and it had been the best choice in the end. The gray area is real, and Kudo's left a bare man with only his emotions when he's there.

Kudo is actually really kind and understanding. He's too soft for his own good. Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it makes sense (tag and image limit)

[pollyna]

au in which Mav wakes up from one of that type of sleeping where you don't remember having nightmares, everything's pretty foggy in your head, and you lost a sock between the sheets. For a moment all he can do is panic because he lost a sock and the side of the bed is cold and he can't remember the last time he saw Ice if not in an hospital bed and what if he's dead. Oh god, what if he lost his husband in the same way he lost his sock and in the same way he lost Goose. What if he was that careless and- Mav feels like crying because he lost his sock and his husband and he can't do it? nonono, he refuses to-

There is a warm hand on the back of his neck for a second before two strong arms hug.

"Did you lose your left sock again, babe?" A voice just as warm as the arms asks.

"Yes," he whispers, feeling the tears streaming down his cheeks. "And I think I lost my husband too."

The voice behind him chuckles a little "No sweetheart, you just lost your sock. And if you lay down, I'll show you you haven't lost your sock or your husband, I swear."

Mav can't do much more, but he nods to the kind stranger before laying on the bed, his nose half mushed on his husband's pillow. What happens in the next few minutes is a hand around his calf and his foot finally feeling less chilly and somebody lying down in front of him.

"Hi," the stranger that's now not a stranger but his husband, because his husband is there and Mav feels like crying all over again, kisses his forehead and his nose. "See? I found your sock and your husband. Everything is where it was supposed to." Mav doesn't feel like saying much if not finding his way against Ice's chest, trying not to leave a single inch of space between them, already feeling more asleep than awake.

"Thank you, you saved me," he murmurs, kissing his neck before closing his eyes once again. The last thing he feels is a second kissing on his forehead and Ice hugging him a little tighter against his chest. Mav can't help but sigh and let sleep reclaim him once more.

[thatonebirdwrites]

Book

(Part of Lena's POV from Coffee) Follow-up to L-Corp, Chill, and Scotch (Lena's POV), Catco and Family (Kara's POV), Kara and Heat, Plumerias and Ink and Aura

Hospital time exists outside of real time. Lena finds the days fold into each other, like origami, each design needlessly complicated mess. The pain simmers like an old friend, while the other symptoms irritate her. Sitting upright is difficult, and the dizziness exacerbates her sense of unreality.

Plus the unrelenting nausea from the medicines has her not wanting to eat anything.

But Sam, Kara, and Kelly won't stand for that. Nor will her nurses. So she drinks the broths and meal-replacement drinks, snacks on the frozen fruit pops, and tolerates the crummy decaffeinated tea.

She's certain she'd lose her mind if it weren't for the steady stream of books.

The one Kara reads to her she keeps on the bedside table for that is their thing now. It surprises her how much she enjoys Kara's reading voice, and the unique voices she gives each character is utterly delightful. She should ask Kara to come read for the kids at the Luthor Children's Hospital. They'd likely adore it.

So for the times when she's alone and not sleeping or taken for wheelchair 'walks,' she reads whatever the technicians find in the meager hospital library. Most are romances, which aren't her cup of tea, so she urges them to seek out any other genre.

Which is why she's reading about the origins of corn today. She expects it to be bland, but instead, she finds herself engrossed in the vivid prose, each description almost like poetry. The writer is an Indigenous woman who gardens for a living, and her storytelling prowess amazes Lena. She also reminds her of Kara due to how easily excited and fervent her prose becomes when digging deep into the history of corn and its interactions with humanity.

She's so engrossed that she misses the knock on her door at first.

"Ms. Luthor?"

She looks up, confused. The person in her doorway isn't any of the nurses or technicians that she's seen so far. Instead, they are dressed in what looks oddly like pastor garments. Their skin a deep mahogany, and their eyes a brown so dark that it blends with the black of their pupils.

"Yes?" She does not like religious people. So why one stands in her doorway irritates her.

"I was asked to stop by." The person smiles and takes a step closer. "I'm Chaplain Grove, they/them pronouns, and an agnostic. I'm here for those that aren't religious but may wish to have someone to help process their stay."

Lena blinks and tucks her bookmark into the book. She adjusts her bed with the controls so she's sort-of sitting upright. It makes her body ache and her chest hurt, but the numbing meds in the IV cools her arm and helps control the pain.

"I asked for you? When?" She searches her memory, but the unreality of time in the hospital makes it very hard to be certain of the day or when events transpire. She notes the clock, and how it's still an hour before Kara shows up.

At first that knowledge made her anxious. Now she years for it. Kara's presence grounds her, comforts her, and it honestly terrifies her how she's already fallen back into Kara's gravity well.

She has no sense of self-preservation when it comes to that blonde alien.

Grove nods. "You asked to talk with someone about your situation."

"Oh." That's right. The nurse last night, after the nightly meds, asked if she needed anything, and she'd replied, "I think I need an outside opinion about my situation. Someone who doesn't know me."

They pull a chair closer and lean forward, their hands clasped over their knees. "What is it you need?"

She might as well roll with this. "Someone I love deeply hurt me. Lied to me about their..." she can't outright say alternate identity, so she settles for something mundane, "... side job. I know it's a dangerous one, but still. It hurt."

"Your partner?" they ask.

Why is everyone calling Kara that? Lena probably should correct people, but part of her desperately wants it to be true. But that requires more trust than Lena knows how to give.

So she nods and just goes with it.

Maybe this bubble will burst when she leaves the hospital, and she'll have to reckon with the reality of their shattered friendship (relationship?). She's too tired, too in pain to think about that now. She wants the comfort, the grounding, the solidity of Kara's presence.

As much as Kelly and Sam's presence helps ground her too, it's not the same.

"Have you talked with her about how you feel?" The Chaplain asks.

"Yes, before my hospitalization." If their gazebo talk counts as that. "She apologized, promised to be honest, and do better."

"And has she?"

The question stops Lena's thoughts entirely. Has Kara done so?

She thinks through the conversations they've had since Kara's confession at the Pulitzer's. Thinks of how open Kara has been about all aspects of herself. Thinks of the tentative stories Kara shares about her childhood on Krypton, stories she admits she's been too fearful to tell anyone, even Alex. How honest she'd been about the need to hide, and how difficult it is to break those habits.

Little bits and pieces that slip out during her visiting hours.

"Yes, yes, she has." Surprise fills her, and a surge of yearning that brings tears to her eyes. "It's hard to trust her still."

"What's stopping you?"

"I..." she frowns. What is indeed? "Fear I guess."

Chaplain Grove nods. "That's a common motivator. It can be hard to push past it. Do you want to trust her again?"

"Yes, yes, so much so." The word spills out fervently, the desire for Kara so intense that Lena has to briefly close her eyes. God, she's hopeless, isn't she?

"Then why not choose to trust her? I know it sounds easy to say, but often the act of choosing can help build that foundation of trust. By choosing to trust, by choosing to try again, by choosing to be present, trust begins to grow again. So again, what's stopping you?"

Damn, this dude is good. She doesn't know what to say in response to that. So she settles for a simple reply. "You've given me a lot to consider. Thank you. I'd like to think it over alone now."

They smile. "Do you need anything else?" When she shakes her head, they stand and adjust their vest. "Then I'll let you rest. If you need me again, don't hesitate to ask."

Lena lifts her hand in a farewell, and watches them leave. The silence wraps around her, and the chaplain's words dance through her thoughts.

Choosing to trust. She knows it's never that easy.

With a sigh, Lena places her book on the side table and lowers the bed to an one-hundred and sixty degree angle. Much easier on her chest and back.

She looks up at the speckled ceiling, a drab white, and glances around the room at the paintings of waterfalls and mountains. Outside her window a palm tree moves in the breeze, and she sees the wing of the other side of the hospital.

She thinks of her talk with Kelly yesterday during her visit.

"How are you feeling today?" Kelly settles into the chair by her bed. She has a bag with her, and she pulls out knitting supplies to keep her hands busy.

"Pain, exhaustion. Irritation. Nothing new. What about you?" The way Kelly keeps their conversations simple helps Lena cope. She doesn't want complications right now. She's too sick and scared.

Kelly sighs. "I relate to the exhaustion and irritation. Alex and I had an argument about the lies she's done in regards to Kara and her work."

"Oh." Lena winces. She's partially responsible for that since she'd outed Kara to Kelly. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's all right." Kelly waves her hand at Lena with a smile. "We talked it out last night. I understand she couldn't tell me about Kara without permission, and Kara's need to hide is... a need of hers." She starts a new row of whatever she's knitting, the yarn a beautiful blend of violet, red, and turquoise. "Alex admits that part of that drive to hide is her and her mother's fault. They wanted to protect Kara. Apparently the government found out where she was as a teenager, and tried to take her away for training."

Lena's eyes widen. That sounds creepily like what her brother did with Red Daughter. "Did they?"

Kelly shakes her head. "Alex's father offered himself instead. Alex didn't get into specifics. There's a lot of trauma there."

Lena rests her hands on her stomach and looks at the ceiling. "Gives more context to it all," she says after a long silence.

"Yeah, it certainly does."

"Do -- do you forgive Alex for her lies?" Lena's not sure exactly what she's asking, but she needs to know Kelly's answer.

Kelly studies her for a long moment, her fingers deftly moving along. The clatter of the knitting needles roots Lena in the present far more than she cares to admit.

"Yes. It's not easy, but that's part of loving someone. We both apologized, we both sought repair, and we'll do better." She smiles and pauses her work to lightly touch Lena's hand. "This is what worked for me, so don't feel like you must do the same."

Lena smiles grateful for Kelly's words, but truthfully, she wants to forgive Kara. She wants things to be okay. She's tired of being angry.

She's facing death yet again, but this time it's slow and painful. Where each day feels like it might be her last. Where sometimes her breaths are so labored, her heart pulsing with pain, that the alarm of the EKG beeps a honing signal for Lady Death to visit.

But then nurses come and stabilize her, and she's wrapped once again in that timeless haze of this drawn-out healing regimen.

She's under no illusion that if Kara and Sam had not intervened, she would be dead.

The memory of Kelly's talk coupled with the Chaplain's words tangle together in Lena's mind. It feels almost like the universe itself is telling her to trust Kara.

The more she considers the situation, the more she sees how much of a pedestal she'd placed on Kara. She'd assumed perfection, placed far too much expectations on Kara, which was bound to explode at some point, regardless of Lex's meddling. That isn't fair to anyone.

Yes, Kara hurt her. Yes, trusting her again is terrifying.

But her actions since the confession proves that Kara is trying to be better. Lena can see that now; funny how being ill gives her a clarity she failed to have prior.

A knock sounds on her door again, and this time when it opens, it's Kara.

Her beautiful, lovely, and often frustrating love. She's wearing black slacks, suspenders, and a button-down violet shirt. Downright illegal handsome, especially with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Hey," Kara says, nervously. "How are you feeling?"

Lena reaches out her hand. The urge to touch Kara, to feel her warmth under her fingers overwhelms her.

"Why not choose to trust her?" The chaplain's words echo in her head, followed by Kelly's "...that's part of loving someone..."

Kara scoots the chair close to her bed and grasps her hand. Lena tugs until she's even closer, and presses Kara's hand against her heart.

Since her confession, Kara's followed through on each promise, has been almost brutally honest at times, and here she is, faithfully coming every day for hours at a time. She's Supergirl, and yet she puts her Catco job, Supergirl, and all her duties aside for Lena.

Lena knows she's staring. She sees how Kara shifts and the blush that blooms on her face.

A smile curves her lips. "I'm glad you're here," she says quietly and finds she means it.

The hospital is less scary, less daunting when Kara is here. Sam may hold back the dread with her jokes and tales, but Kara's presence melts into Lena like water saturating her dehydrated cells.

A literal sunbeam and golden retriever rolled into one, and Lena finds that she can't stay away. Doing so nearly killed her.

Choose to trust?

Okay, she will then. As terrifying as that is.

***

The chaplain visits four more times, partly due to Kelly's advice. "They're trained in therapy too. Some of my cohorts ended up as chaplains. The other option is to ask for a psychologist, but they often can be more formal. I highly recommend either."

Lena trusts Kelly's expertise, so she asks for the chaplain. Each visit is only thirty minutes, but she finds, to her shock, that talking about her emotions help.

It's a novel idea.

Not a new one. Sam has been on her for years to attend therapy. She has no intention of telling her of this development since Sam is already insufferable enough.

But Sam notices the change anyway.

"You sure are calm, despite being locked up in this room," Sam says one evening. Lena's not sure which day of the stay, that timelessness of the hospital is as present as always.

"Hardly locked up," Lena drawls. "I just am too ill to move much."

"Do you walk at all?" Sam leans forward, and digs her elbows into Lena's bed to prop up her head. "Because I read laying for long periods isn't good for your muscles."

"Yes, the nurses have a physical therapist come by to work with me." Lena rolls her eyes. "I'm being cared for, Sam."

"Good. You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you seem more at peace with yourself." Sam smiles, but her forehead still has that crinkle of concern. "Who would have thought a hospital stay would bring you peace."

"Forced rest does wonders to the spirit," Lena says.

"Then perhaps we'll work in forced rest periods into your work hours," Sam jokes with a grin. "It'll be the Lena Luthor Rest Hour."

Lena weakly swats Sam, but she smiles. If this stay has taught her anything, it's drilled home how important rest is for one's body. How she's not a machine but a human with weaknesses and strengths.

And having a human body means rest as much as she loathes how it breaks into her productivity.

It hits her then.

"It's a Luthor trait to keep going despite the pain," Lena says, slowly. "I was taught productivity and efficiency is what matters the most. But that's not right at all. Love matters the most. I wouldn't be here if not for the love you and Kara have for me." She looks at Sam and tears sting her eyes. "Thank you."

Sam gently rests her hand over Lena's. "Of course. You're family."

Family.

Such a confusing premise, but Lena's starting to understand what family can be. Warmth, comfort, love, laughter, tears, grief, and trusting others to have her back.

It's something she's deeply wanted for so long, and she finds it here with Sam, with Kara, and with Kara's friends.

Sure, the lies hurt still, but no one is perfect. Even someone who loves her can fuck up, just as she messes up too. Perfection is unattainable, and she's learning to be okay with that.

Maybe choosing to trust isn't as hard as she thought.

***

Lena finds herself falling each time Kara visits. Not physically falling, but more falling deeper into love.

She's given herself permission to tentatively trust that Kara means it when she says she'll do better. That opens a door somewhere in Lena's heart, and she finds that she can't look away when Kara's at her side.

She wants to map Kara's face with her eyes, to capture this moment in perfect detail in her memory. The warmth of Kara's hand in her own as she holds it against her heart seeps through Lena's spirit.

Kara doesn't have to do this. She doesn't have to come faithfully, and yet she does. She's always done this. Always thrown aside her duties whenever Lena was in need.

The lies hurt, yes, but the warmth of these other memories began to break that hurt down. To repurpose it into the growing trust foundation. She thinks of the Japanese style of using gold to seal cracks in ceramic vessels. She's mending the cracks with Kara.

Learning about Kara's mind-healing sessions melts more gold into the cracks of their foundation. It's evidence that Lena didn't realize she needed to witness.

So shouldn't Lena try to be better for Kara too? Isn't that part of loving someone?

Her eyes rove over Kara's face, the tan of her skin, the golden locks that curl in perfect ringlets, her soft features, and the light she emits by simply being Kara.

God, she loves her so much. Those months making herself scarce had been torture, and now, as she struggles to heal from Endocarditis, she's caught up in the gravity well of Kara's gentle and loving support.

Kara had been the one to alert Sam, and now Lena has a fighting chance to beat this infection of the heart. It's almost poetic in a way, that of all her organs it's her heart impacted the most.

"Do I have something on my face?" Kara blushes and fiddles with her glasses.

Lena laughs. She can't help it. Kara is adorable when she's flustered. "Just your glasses."

Healing may be painful at times, but it also wraps her in a joy and fervent hope. One she's never allowed herself to ever feel prior. She's always been waiting for everything to crash down on her head, for the good to be taken from her.

And yet, Kara, Sam, and the others haven't left. Her brother tried to steal this all from her by ripping into her insecurities and fears in the worst way.

And yet, despite it all, despite the horror of what she's done, she's not alone. Kara is still here.

Lena wants to kiss her. (She doesn't.)

***

When Kara comes the next day, Lena has finished yet another book. This one a silly mystery, where she'd guessed the twist halfway through the book. But it passes the time.

Lena's restless. Tired of the same walls, but she's too ill to handle siting up for long, and the antibiotics side effects exhaust her.

On days when the symptoms are less, she sits in the reclining chair by the window. Birds like to build nests in the palm trees outside, and watching them brings her a quiet comfort.

The doctor's visit yesterday had alarmed Kara. Lena could see that, but it's no surprise that the infection is stubborn. Much like Lena herself.

She suspects this will end with surgery, and she knows how much Kara fears that. She'd been uncharacteristically wild in her tone, her eyes wide with fear, during the doctor's discussion about test results and Lena's condition.

So today, Lena holds out her hand and pulls Kara close, until the chair is pushed against her bed. She reaches out to gently run her hand through Kara's locks. She wore them down, likely due to Supergirl duties before this visit.

Kara studies her, intently, a quizzical look on her face.

Lena's fingers trail down Kara's cheek to her chin. She's not sure how to comfort Kara. Such things don't come easy for her, and with how ill she feels, she can't do much more than offer words and touch.

"You're here," she murmurs. The words inadequately sum up her thoughts. "We're both here."

"Yes?" Kara is still, as if afraid to disturb her. Her blue eyes are dark, and her tongue licks her lips so swiftly that Lena wonders if she imagines it.

She runs her thumb over Kara's lips, and feels the moisture there. "Time seems suspended here," she says, softly. "Days blend into one another. The sun rises and sets, and yet I'm still here. You keep saving me."

They've spoken of this before, but she can't help it. She's had far too much time to think over her life while stuck in this hospital room. The antibiotics certainly add to that surreal feeling, with how woozy they make her feel.

"I always will." Kara's gaze sears the air between them, and Lena wants to grab Kara's shirt, tug her closer, and kiss her.

But she's still too weak. So she runs her thumb over Kara's lips instead. Kara doesn't stop her.

"You're gorgeous, you know?" Lena whispers.

The blush decorates Kara's cheeks, and she sucks in a breath. The expelled air warm against Lena's fingers.

"It's cute how flustered you get with compliments," Lena says, dryly. She can't hide her smile, especially as Kara's blush deepens.

"Lena," Kara whines, but says nothing more.

Lena rubs her thumb over Kara's cheek, and thinks of how this grounds her and distracts her far more than pain meds and reading books.

For Kara is a book in of herself. Her pages on display for Lena to read, her stories rich with details now that they are fully honest with each other. With Kara, she can read forever, never tiring of the tale, never wanting to put the book down.

She holds Kara's story in her hands, and she wants nothing more than to delve into its prose, to mine it for the wonder of Kara's indomitable spirit and her endless trove of knowledge.

Each page turned, each moment shared, spills yet more gold into the cracks, and Lena feels full of hope and love.

Does she write upon Kara's heart in turn? Is their growing relationship transcribing a shared story between them? Is this what partnership is like?

All of her care team calls Kara her partner, and Lena finds she likes it. She likes it far more than she should.

Is this partnership forged because Lena's ill? Because she's in the hospital? Will it stay once she recovers and can return home?

She doesn't want to let it go.

Tears sting her eyes. Wetness dampens her cheeks. Kara's hand wipes away her tears.

"I'm here," Kara says, gently. "You're not alone."

Lena presses her face into Kara's hand.

Trust grows when the ground is fertile. This timeless hospital stay fertilizes the ground, pushes Lena to face her mortality, and she knows that Kara deserves so much more than Lena.

And yet, Kara is here anyway.

An open book that unfurls more stories each day. Each glimpse into Kara's Kryptonian heritage draws Lena closer, each memory of her Earth years sparks Lena's curiosity. Each time Kara turns the questions on Lena, and tentative she shares her own stories.

It goes against her instincts, and yet, she understands Kara's fear of loss, her need to hide. Hasn't she too hidden herself behind an impenetrable wall of ice? Yet, Kara's light melts the ice.

Will she survive this infection? Lena doesn't know, and tries to be realistic. So why not allow herself this guilty pleasure?

She's trying, and Lena can do no less.

"I know," she says. "You've always been here."

That truth transcribes across both their hearts.

***

Being under anesthesia is not a pleasant experience. Lena wakes groggy, confused, and afraid. Her heart aches, and her vision blurry, her glasses and contacts somewhere else. She feels along her blankets, touches the railings of the bed, and the cold metal grounds her. The lights are dim but still too bright.

The fear slowly abates. She's in the hospital. That's right, and she's recovering from something. It takes longer for the thought to coalesce into the word 'surgery.'

That's right. A surgery happened.

Her last memory was the anesthesiologist explaining each of his actions, while he administers the dose. The surgeon and nurses are all dressed in their blue surgery garments, gloves, and masks, their hair tucked up into the blue hats and hair nets.

Now she lays on her hospital bed in a large room full of other patients. Nurses and other specialists flutter between beds.

One of them stops by her bed. "Waking up?" The nurse sits down next to her. "Can you tell me your name?"

Lena blinks at the man, his skin a deep amber, and his eyes a warm hazel. "Lena," she manages, her throat dry. "Kieran Luthor."

"Good. Do you know what year it is?"

She's confused. Why is he asking? "2020..."

"Great." The nurse smiles. "Would you like something to drink? We can offer some apple juice or water."

"Juice please. Where exactly am I? Did -- did the surgery go..." She's a little dizzy still.

"You're in recovery. We need to watch over you until the anesthesia is fully out of your system." The nurse adjusts the blood pressure cuff and slides the oxy-meter onto her finger. He writes something on a clipboard by her bed. "Surgery went well. Once you've recovered more, the doctor will speak to you."

That's a relief. Lena briefly closes her eyes. Her mind flutters to Kara, and she pictures Kara's affectionate smile, the warmth of her body, and the kindness in her words. She opens her eyes and blinks away the floaties.

"Where's Kara?"

"Your partner?" Even the recovery nurses call her that. Huh.

"Yeah." She really shouldn't be encouraging this, but she can't help herself. She wants strong but gentle arms to hold her close. To warm her and remind her that she's alive. She wants Kara at her side, and that yearning pierces through the haze on her mind.

"She's waiting at your room. We don't normally allow visitors back here." The nurse pats her hands. "Let me get your juice."

She watches him walk toward the counters at the back of the room. Her memory sizzles with fog, but that's slowly starting to lift. Her thoughts start to come easier.

When he returns with the juice and a drinking straw, she gratefully sips, the cool liquid soothing her throat.

She's left alone again, but only brief as the nurse comes by to take her vitals again. It's a procedure that she's grown used to in her long stay here, and she moves her arm the way the nurse needs to get the most accurate readings.

No clocks within vicinity, which means she has no idea what time it is or even the exact day. She sips her juice as her mind slowly reclaims itself from the haze of anesthesia.

Once again, time sneaks away from her.

The ceiling is painted a light blue with white clouds, and the air has a sterile scent. Soft, pleasant music hums in the background.

"Ms. Luthor?" The surgeon steps up to her bedside. He's back in a white lab coat, with his blue mask still on his face. His hair is slicked back in a ponytail, his skin a deep tan. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she says. "Less pain."

He smiles. "Good. The surgery was a success. We cleared the pustules and repaired your valve. I recommend taking it easy for the next few weeks. Rest is your friend here. Your heart needs more time to heal."

"Okay." Lena figures that rest will be her life for the next few months. Between Sam and Kara, they'll keep her to that. "What else do I need for recovery?"

"I'll speak with your primary doctor, but I do recommend physical and occupational therapy. You'll need to ease back into exercise, and both can assist with that transition." He makes a notation on the clipboard. "Any other questions?"

Normally she'd unleash a dozen or so, but she's tired still and the haze has only recently lifted. "No, thank you."

"Okay. If you have any, ask your nurse, and we'll come by to chat again." He looks over the equipment recording her vitals and heartbeat. "Looking good. Would you like to see your partner now?"

Lena nods. "Yes, please."

"I'll have the nurses wheel you to her. We'll need to supervise you a few more days, but if things continue to improve, you'll be home soon enough." He clips the pen back the clipboard and pats her shoulder awkwardly. "Take care, Ms. Luthor. A nurse will be by shortly."

She's not sure why she assumed 'wheel' meant a wheelchair, but she's only a trifle disappointed when the 'wheeling' means the entire bed. For the ride, she tilts the bed to an angle that lets her sort of sit up. Not a full ninety degrees, but an easier one-hundred and fifty degrees.

The trip from the recovery suite to her old hospital room has far too much bright lights, and Lena closes her eyes against the glare.

She opens them when she hears Kara's lovely voice call, "Lena! Oh, gosh, you're okay." Kara stands in her room with Sam. Both stood from where they'd been waiting by the window.

"Hi." Lena lifts a hand in greeting. The technician lines up her bed and rehooks the vitals -- the EKG, oxy-meter, blood pressure cuff, and IV.

"If you have any questions or need something, let us know." The technician nods at Sam and Kara. He places the controls by Lena's hand. "The doctor will be by later. Rest."

After he leaves, Lena takes a steadying breath. "I survived," she says with a hint of pride. The pain simmers still, but it doesn't diminish her relief at finally seeing the end point of this journey.

"You sure did," Sam says, tears in her eyes. "You really need to stop scaring the shit out of us, Lena."

"And leave you complacent?" Lena drawls. "Better to keep you on your toes."

"Lena..." Kara tentatively reaches for her hand, but hesitates.

That won't do. Lena didn't just survive a heart infection for Kara to hesitate.

She grasps Kara's hand and tugs her closer. Her own hand trembles too much, but that's okay. Recovery takes time. She presses Kara's hand over her heart and smiles.

"I'm so glad you're going to be okay," Kara says, tearfully.

"This one was losing her mind waiting." Sam drops back into the armchair. "Almost used up my entire Dad joke catalog. Going to have to devise new ones now."

"I can't wait," Lena says sarcastically. Sam's Dad jokes are the worst, but that's part of Sam's charm.

"She's beating me at them," Kara says with a slight pout. "I tried to come up with some, but she had two to every one of mine."

"A dad joke contest?" Lena doesn't know whether to laugh or roll her eyes at their ridiculousness.

Sam laughs. "Oh yes. Next time, we'll have you and Ruby judge us. Whoever loses has to buy the snacks for the other."

"What?" Kara looks at Sam, mortified. "No way. You'll just buy me healthy snacks. I've seen what you and Ruby eat."

Sam shrugs. "Then don't lose."

Lena can't help it. She laughs. It makes her chest ache. Tears stings her eyes, and an immense gratitude and wonder saturates her. "What would I do without you two?"

"Be extremely bored," Sam says.

"I won't even entertain that," Kara says, firmly. "Life without you is dull and sad."

Lena softens. She's seen what she's like without Kara, and she doesn't ever want to go back to that. She lifts her other hand and tenderly touches Kara's cheek. "Then I'm glad you're here."

The blush tinging Kara's cheeks makes her want to kiss her, but instead she runs her thumb along Kara's lips. Kara kisses her thumb, and Lena feels it through her body.

"You two," Sam says, breaking the moment. "No wonder everyone here keeps using 'partner' for Kara."

She drops her arm as heat warms her face and neck. "Yeah..." she has no idea how to explain to Sam. She didn't know Sam had noticed that.

"And you two just went with it?" Sam glances at the two of them.

"Um... well," Kara sputters. "I just am following Lena's lead, and uh, it's nice?"

"Just nice, huh?" Lena says as she smiles.

Kara flushes again, the red deeper. "Well, uh, more than that, you know, I mean..." she trails off and rubs her thumb over Lena's palm.

"Red looks good on you," Lena teases.

That earns her Kara's characteristic whine. "Lenaaaa...."

"God, you two are sickening." Sam shakes her head. "Here I am, showing up for my best friend, and you're flirting like teenagers in front of my soup."

"You don't have any soup?" Kara says, confused.

Lena chuckles. Her eyes droop shut, the day catching up to her, and she tugs Kara closer so she can wrap her arms around more of Kara's arm. The warmth seeps through her.

Yes, today marks the start of a new chapter. Lena is glad that Kara and Sam are here to help her write it.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Late Night Talking

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[cowardstiel]

who needs supernatural season 16

[number-one-shadisper-shipper]

Saw the Dark Beginnings short.

What if I just...

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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