#woke me tf up

[seokmashu]

⌜i'm falling slowly . . .⌟

[kameyyy]

wtf was that just an explosion?? or a big fat crash??

[tatiejosie]

Look........... you know what kind of person i am...... i just saw the Penguin's genderbend and Harley Quinn's new design and i just................

They milfed the Penguin........ thank the STARS for this....

[cowardlylittlebranchman]

high to death

[batfansa]

Cobigail X Reader HCs be upon ye

Happy Valentine's Day ya filthy corn selfshippers.

How exactly you managed to bag the god of harvest herself is an absolute mystery to everyone, yourself included. You're not exactly the eloquent rizzler that King is with Mitternacht, nor do you have the same long, yearning history together with her as Thespius and Click Clack do. So, it's anybody's guess what exactly charmed her to you.

Actually, I can tell you, it's the fact this lovely lady just so happens to be into little mortals with zero game who can manage to make her laugh. An obtainable feat if you know the kind of humor she likes (hint: it's corny humor).

You probably fumbled your way into her domain one day, confident you'd be able to sweep her off her feet-er roots, only to nearly fall over yourself the moment she gave you one of her famous scares. Star struck and a bit scared, you blubbered to yourself over how cute her laugh was before blurting out a cheesy, "Ha ha, wow, you have an a-maize-ing laugh!" Only to immediately realized with horror what you just said and rushed out of her domain, tripping on your way out for good measure.

You two have been dating ever since.

If you think being her partner means you're excused from her pranks, then you are dead wrong. If anything, dating her is all the more incentive for her to try and get a rise out of you. She can't help it; your reactions are just so cute! The expressions and sounds you make, the little yelps and squeals you let out when she manages to spook you. Adorable~ It's all in good fun though, just her being her usual, silly self. Nothing personal, just her form of flirting or something.

And don't worry, the treats she gives you as payment for her pranks are always especially sweet, just for you. Just scoops you up and gives apology kisses until she's sure you're no longer mad at her (as if you could stay mad to begin with).

Loves to sing to you, and loves being singed at in return. Doesn't matter if your voice sounds like metal in a garbage disposal, she still appreciates the sentiment behind it. If you really wanted to make her happy, then learn one of her songs and surprise her by singing it. Memories will come flooding back to her, and she may get a bit emotional depending on the song and its meaning.

On that same note, just participating in any of her town's traditions, whether it be through food or song or some other thing, will make her one happy god. Community is very important to her, so she appreciates it when her partner shares in those same values. She doesn't expect you to understand or follow all of them though. Just you showing interest in what she cares about fills her belly with a deep, affectionate warmth.

She gushes about you to Thespius (and Clicky sometimes if he's there too). Will go on and on about how wonderful you are, what your hobbies and interests are, what you two did together, complimenting and bragging about you to the other gods. Girl was lonely for decades with nobody ever visiting her, so you bet your ass she's riding the high of having a partner consistently visiting her on the reg. And she will let everyone know about it. Thespius jokes about how love just radiates off of her when talking about you and can't help but feel giddy at his friend finding love. tl;dr Thespius wants to personally thank you for making his groovy 'n corny friend happy.

Click Clack is less so supportive. Not because he isn't happy for Cobi, but because her own ramblings tend to interrupt his personal time with his own lover. He feels verbally held hostage as the two gods gossip and chat while he types away in mild annoyance (you're interrupting smooching time Cobi! >:/).

So. The size difference. Obviously, it plays a role in your relationship as Cobi is huge compared to you. An aspect she especially likes because she can use it to mess with you more easily. Once she knows you're comfortable with it, she'll be picking you up every chance she gets. Looming over you is fun when trying to get a scare out of you, but not when casually chatting. She much prefers holding you in her hands so you two can speak at eye level... and because you're just so stinkin' cute! So tiny and delicate, like a tiny bug just looking up at her with adoring eyes. Ohh, she's getting cuteness aggression just seeing how much smaller your entire body is compared to her hand! Why, she could just gobble you up... Kidding! Tee hee~ (or is she?)

She can change her size though. She just forgot this little detail, only rediscovering it during a conversation where one of the other gods mentioned it. Was probably joking about how you can't reach her for a kiss, and she has to either lean down or pick you up, and they tell her nonchalantly.

"Oh, just shift your size." "Wait, I can do that?!" "We all can, Cobi." ":0 !!!"

The next time you visit her, she's all tiny and cute, just smiling at you eagerly like " :> " If she ever shifts to a size shorter than you, pay her back by kissing the top of her head. She's so used to being the one to do that to you, so having the reverse flusters her.

Petnames! She does refer to you as lovebird, of course, but has other cute nicknames like darling, hon, honey, sweetheart, honey bunch, songbird, sunshine, and pumpkin. The last two are directly tied to her being corn; you being like her sunshine that helps her grow, and pumpkin just being a matching crop-related nickname.

During one of your visits where you just sit in her hand and chat, you accidently end up pressing into her palm while trying to sit up, leading to you discovering she has "claws." These "claws," in actuality, being thorns she can retract, giving them the illusion of claws. She worries she may nick you on them, but you assure her it's fine. More than fine. Actually, this may have awakened something in you.

If you're busy and haven't visited her in a while, she uses her roots to gently get your attention. You'll be out helping with the crops or something, only to feel a soft tug on your pants. She's wrapped them around your ankle, trying to guide you to the schoolhouse. You think it's cute, at first, until you find yourself eating dirt when you suddenly trip, landing face-first into the crops you were just picking. She's laughing. She made her lover fall flat on their face, and she's laughing. She does check on you and apologize though.

In those rare incidents you two get into a fight or disagreement, Cobigail has a habit of childishly hiding her face in her leaves and refusing to talk to you any further. She doesn't like arguing with people, especially not her lover, so gets overwhelmed and needs time to cool off. You'll know she's ready to talk again when you see her eyes peeking out, just looking down at you expectantly.

Anyways, as one of the god's mortal lovers, you are pretty valued in your community. The people of Milldread view you as important, because you're important to Cobigail. You make her happy, which makes them happy. So, if anybody were foolish enough to mess with you, they'll have to deal with a whole town of people backing you up.

Like, just imagine some tourist trying to start something and suddenly they see half the town standing behind you with gardening tools, ready to throw down for threatening Cobigail’s precious partner.

She don’t even drink blood but she’s about to receive a blood sacrifice regardless.

[vitrificvitriol]

Late night sketch

Bonus Astrotrain, who is waiting very patiently outside for them to stop fucking around:

[sysconversationalist]

Personally, I think there’s some more productive conversations to be had. And we are not having them.

[myokk]

“She’s tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”😤😤😤

(Regency AU with Eloise and Sebastian inspired by my slow trek through Bridgerton these days & @bassicallymaestra ‘s AMAZING regency inspired art😮‍💨😇🙏)

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 326

catastrophic after-work nap incident lads

[justsumtransdude2000]

So tired of bitches with zero credentials trying to tell me if I'm trans or not. Like, my gender identity has been carefully observed and confirmed by multiple people with PHDs, and I'm not sure you passed middle school. Fuck off.

[hamletthedane]

For the record: I do not hold a secret position in Kensington Palace.

However, my former neighbor’s boyfriend is the scandalously gay grandson of Earl So-and-So (living in sin with the son of a Texas Democrat - the horror), and he liked my cancer theory so much he told all his fancy Oxford friends about it before the news broke, and they apparently got several very stern call from their fancy peered parents about where did you hear that and stop gossiping, it’ll get out.

So while I’m not a palace papers source, I did get Earl Black Sheep Jr. calling me at 6am this morning excitedly confirming that I was right about the third cousin once removed of his childhood friend having cancer 💀

[cinamun]

Good morning y'all. I got this update coming in the next few minutes and then I'm going to try again for the 49850389th time to find a costume for Indya & Darren but if I'm being honest, ya girl just isn't into spooky season this year. Its just me i guess, I just hate to break tradition like this.

[aviradasa]

One of the main things that hurt the fuck outta me was remembering the time when I broke down to my mother about feeling like i was failing her and dad, but the thing that had me was when I asked her "why cant dad just love me? Why cant he care?" And she just looked at me with 0 emotions and told me "because hes incapable of loving anything." And then she just left me there.

Lowkey in a mood today after dreaming about that and needed to get it off my chest 😭 my grown ass should not be this upset about it.

( I know this isn't my usual post but then remembered I have free will lmfao)

[evergreen-endo]

Do you ever think about endo and pussy spanks especially after you cum so it’s tacky and makes his second favourite noise ever

WHHHRRGRHJBNJKNAFBDJVGHFWAGT WHAT WHAT WHATTT HELLOOO////??? GOOD FUCKING MORNING ????

UM. ahem. yeah he fucking loves this.

it's like torture for you, but gets you dripping for him just the way he likes it. and he does it in phases...he likes to hear the progression of it throughout the night. he checks how much of a mess you're making constantly; he's obsessed. he does it once before he's even really touched you, just getting you worked up with a teasing, honeyed voice in your ear, bites and sloppy kisses everywhere except where you need him most. he does it again after he's made you cum on his fingers, but he knows he can get you sloppier, so he checks again after eating you out. and once again after he cums inside you.

he loves to gather it all up onto his palm— his saliva, your slick, and his cum— to give your clit rhythmic little spanks that send jolts down your spine with every touch. he loves the sound it makes and the way it gets you blabbering and begging.

he also likes to deliver a harsh slap that catches you off guard so he can watch you squirm and hear you yelp out for him. likes the way you grab his arm to steady yourself as if he'll be your savior.

[love-songs-for-emma]

the transition from "chump" to "longview" off green day's third album Dookie is sooo fucking SMOOTH

[residentrookie]

getting vulnerable on the dash if u saw this no u didn’t