#woe! my headcanons be upon ye!

[silverskye13]

Being the universe's smartest super computer still made for a derpy, non-functional person. It was really easy for people to get caught up in the Cool Sci-Fi Shenanigans of cyborgs and robots and forget how awesome and powerful organic, sentient life was.

For example: Xisuma has a perfect memory. If someone gave him a date and a time, he could scan back through his memory logs, replay recorded data and footage, and tell you the exact recipe he used for those vegan cookies that one time six years ago. He knows the ambient temperature of a froglight that's been submerged underwater for six hours, three minutes and twenty-nine seconds. He can rewind a recorded memory, pause the time lapse, and watch in slow motion as Grian breaks a stone block at spawn with his bare hands because he was bored during their intro-season speech.

However, recorded data takes up a massive amount of memory on a standard hard drive when you record everything you see as a passive function, and all of it has to be purged by hand, regularly, just so Xisuma can maintain the memory needed for daily functions. He's tried writing algorithms to do it for him, but even the best pattern recognition software can't account for his momentary preferences. What differentiates his favorite sunrise from any other? If he were human, he could program some kind of learning software using data from tables tied to the output of different brain chemicals and electrical pulses that most frequently line up with a formative memory -- but if he were human he wouldn't be making a program like that in the first place, now would he?

It's one of those long, long days of trawling through recorded data. It would be shorter if he would just parse through the most recent memories, but he likes keeping long-term memory storage at exactly thirty percent of his total data storage, and he's been resting at thirty-four percent for the past month. Putting off the inevitable. It's just, there's been a lot of stuff to remember the past few weeks, and it's hard to choose what to get rid of sometimes. He's started deep-diving through old data, walking down memory lane. He has to be careful, some of this data is important, tied intricately with the complex spider algorithm that forms his memory data access system.

Click! Click! Click!

"What are you thinking, X?"

The screen that makes up the lion's share of X's face organizes itself into a smile, lights flickering on in the nanoseconds it takes him to process the memory he's watching and attribute happiness to it. Yes, this is a good one.

The playback jolts as he looks down at Tango. Not pictured is a redstone project they are picking away at. Xisuma knows this because this particular memory has a transcript, full of branching tags and keywords that pull up a wealth of information alongside it.

That's another thing about memory that organic life never appreciates. Memory isn't just the memory itself. It's a web of associations built on prior, learned knowledge. A tree isn't just a tree. It's color and texture and symbol and "when was the first time I drew a tree?" and "apples" and "saplings" and a thousand other tiny associations they just arbitrarily have. Xisuma has to synthesize that web. A memory doesn't exist in a vacuum. Unlike the organic mind, however, Xisuma can pull up as much accurate information as he has the processing power for. This memory brings him two more closely associated recordings, associated memories he's kept for context, the transcripts of six more deleted memories, the definition of redstone, a playback of isolated sound he deemed important.

The playback continues.

Click! Click! Click!

"What are you thinking, X?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Tango, I didn't know you'd walked up! I was doing research."

"Yeah? What kind?"

"Oh well, you know the new update. Redstone's always a little finicky after."

"Right, yeah, totally. I've been putting mine off, honestly. I don't feel like fixing broken stuff right now -- oh but, I guess you can't wait, huh?"

Xisuma parses through the data brought up with the memory. He knows the date this was recorded, the recent change to redstone mechanics brought on by the server update. He'd had three farms break. There was a linked document to a transcript of Doc's rant on redstone as it relates to radiation. There was a script note document typed the day after this recording was created: Clicking Good. There was a preliminary version of what he'd nicknamed "The Tick Script.Exe".

"Yeah, I've got a lot of bugs to fix."

"Are you going to get rid of the clicking?"

"Clicking?"

The clicking was an ambient noise made when Xisuma's system was a bit bulkier, his algorithms and scripts that handled memory and data access crude and unperfected. It caused a disc in a driver somewhere to click when he did searches. At the time, the clicking had been the closest thing to an annoying habit Xisuma could manage.

Computers don't have habits. Habits are repetitive motions that become subliminal, that take effort to break, and are oftentimes formed subconsciously. Xisuma doesn't have a discernable difference between conscious thought and subconscious. He has background processes, he has backburnered data, and he has executive commands.

Xisuma queries the memory, pulling up related tags and searches, letting the algorithm reach. This memory had been the start of a, for lack of a better term, humanification process for him. There was his observation table on organic ticks, habits, and movements. It had taken a lot of uncomfortable staring, but back then, staring was all he'd known how to do. One of the first entries on the table was blinking. Organic things blinked, clearing away dust and debris from lenses and membranes. Xisuma didn't have eyes, didn't blink. But the screen that managed his facial expression animations could be programmed to blink.

Xisuma queries blinking. He pulls up a transcript of an interaction with Stressmonster, where she mentioned he blinked every thirty seconds. She knew this because when she first noticed him blinking, she'd noticed it's regularity. That was when Xisuma learned that, to convincingly blink, time variation was necessary.

Coding randomization into redstone circuitry had always been difficult.

Xisuma returns to the Tango memory recording, replays the question about the clicking, the unintentional habit. Xisuma still clicked when he thought. The others probably still thought it had to do with bulky drivers. In reality, it had been a test in trial and error.

How many clicks was acceptable for a thinking pattern? The three dot ellipses was common in writing, and a two dot pattern was too reminiscent of a heartbeat. When he'd temporarily switched to a four dot pattern, he'd noticed people getting impatient, or worrying if his mechanics were stalling. (Stalling and slow loading does sometimes happen, but it manifests in freezes and long pauses, not in repeating clicks). He invented a three click pattern, tested a variety of click sounds, settled on something similar to a rotary phone click when a number is dialed. It was a good sound. Heavy and sharp. It sounded like something falling into place with intention. Click! Click! Click!

Xisuma doesn't actually need a sound to think. But it's a clever replacement for harder to code things, like remembering to two a surface or fidget.

Click! Click! Click!

Shifting weight had been a harder thing to code. Standing stationary, legs an equal width apart, was the most steady way to stand. It also made him look like a statue, made his unblinking stares eerie and uncomfortable. Organic things read it as unnatural, borderline on predatory. Large predators often froze and stared right before pouncing.

Looking back through old memories, Xisuma could tell if they were from before or after his algorithmic programming because of how still they were. Made for clearer visuals, and he knows in high-stress situations that focus on accuracy, he can cycle them off, but they're comfortable for people to watch.

Xisuma rocks back on his heels away from the screen he's watching. If someone else were in the room, it would be a sign of thoughtfulness. For him, it's the execution from a random table of acceptable fidgets while standing still. He should turn it off. He's alone right now. But sometimes the movements still catch him off-guard and the longer they run, the more he gets used to them.

Xisuma queries: rocking on heals

He gets a handful of save recording bits. Doc rocks onto his back legs and stretches his forelegs. Gem rocks back and forth on the balls of her feet, her arms crossed behind her back, mischievous and excited. Scar rocks back on his heels and crosses his arms, thoughtfully examining some terraforming. Xisuma isolates the last recording and mimics it, feeling how the weight of his crossed arms counterbalances the lean back.

Xisuma queries his habits table and adds the motion to the list.

He never quite figured out how to program what to do with his hands. They spent a lot of time at his sides, or in pockets. Objectively he knew that was bad. Hiding the hands was often a sign of hiding something, and he liked being transparent.

Xisuma queries: Hands

Xisuma blinks at the long list of results.

Xisuma queries: Hands behind back

He gets several animations of Gem, Grian, and Scar, all with some variation of hands behind their backs and mischievous grins. Most of them are snippets made for studying purposes. Two are attached to longer videos, catalogued memories he's kept. His query returns almost four hundred memory transcripts.

Xisuma likes making transcripts. He feels it's similar to the hazy, distant memories people have when time and distance transform them. When someone else remembers something falteringly, he remembers the way he described it to himself. The older transcripts were rougher. He's gotten better at writing them over the years. His learning and pattern recognition softwares are still pretty good, even if they aren't perfect enough to manage the full range of expression on their own.

Xisuma queries: Do my friends know how hard it is to look organic?

This returns no direct results. He receives a directory of the people he's flagged as "friends" over the years, an article on the recent organics additions to the world in the latest update, and a handful of unrelated memory documents where he'd asked this question before and similarly pulled up no response.

Xisuma queries: Do I care?

This pulls up more entries. Xisuma glances across them and clears them.

Xisuma queries: Do I care today?

This pulls up only slightly fewer entries. He smiles. Asking subjective questions to a computer never gleans intended results. Computers aren't subjective. Or, well, they're not supposed to be. Of course, if he were merely a computer, he wouldn't be doing this, would he? If he were merely a computer, he would be sitting on a shelf, or a desk, running prewritten programs and searches for someone else, letting someone else build his code, rules by the guidances and intentions of someone who ultimately viewed him as a tool, if nothing else.

Xisuma queries: Who's flying this thing, if not me?

He pulls up a list of song lyrics and chords, a clip from a movie he'd watched once, an IMDB rating off some database somewhere.

Xisuma clears the data. He pulls up the last memory he was watching, rocks back on his heels and crosses his arms thoughtfully. He presses play.

Click! Click! Click!

"Are you going to get rid of the clicking?"

"Clicking? Oh, I guess I am clicking, aren't I? It's just an inefficiency. I'll fix it at some point, I guess."

Tango smirked at him. One of his hands plucked at his sleeve. Xisuma clips the motion, tags it with hands, nervous, thoughtful, fidget.

"You sure it needs fixed? I kinda like it."

Click! Click! Click!

[walkman-cat]

this happens more often than you'd think

[the-call-of-cthuwu]

ITS DONE. cotl but make them specific species :)

ill be adding reference photos and fun facts below the cut for anyone interested!

first up is kallamar, with the firefly squid!

unfortunately, there arent really any naturally occurring blue squids. the best youll get are those that are clear, and just reflecting the water around them. my next best bet was the firefly squid! they can be found on the shores of japan, and their glow in the shallow water during spring is considered a tourist attraction. its hypothesized they use this glow not only for courting purposes, but also to blend in with the night sky from below!

then we have shamura, with the purple pinktoe tarantula!

these spiders apparently have a very mild temperment but are fast and quick to retreat when threatened! they nest high up in the trees of the amazon region of ecuador, but are also frequently found in cow fields and holes in walls. the venom - like their temperment - is more mild, as well as non fatal to humans!

next is heket (my personal favorite), the tomato frog!

these weird little guys are particularly fascinating! they can only be found in madagascar, and like a lot of frogs will puff up their body as a form of aggression to others. but the amazing part happens if anything tries to eat them! they secrete a glue-like toxin, that causes numbing in the mouth and eyes, and sometimes even triggers allergic reactions in humans!

after that we have leshy, the evergreen bagworm!

this was one i actually knew quite a bit about (it comes in handy already having a bagworm oc!) so i was particularly excited to draw him! bagworms are a species of moth with some very interesting sexual dymorphism: the female of the species dont pupate like the males do! they create a bag which they live inside, and dont even leave it to mate, spending their life as a worm. the males of the species pupate into full moths with wings! they can also be found in several continents around the world

then finally we have narinder, the egyptian mau!

theyre one of the few naturally spotted domestic cats, and are only on the tips of their fur! the tabby mark on their forehead is often compared to a scarab beetle, and the paler patches on their chest and arms almost look skeletal on the darker coats! they are the fastest domestic cat, able to run more than 30mph. theyre also a very rare breed, and known for being very active, sensitive, and loyal!

thank you for coming to my autism talk :)

[lightningbig]

its missing them hours so, thinking about qpissa again. once missa gets comfortable, he is a chronic cuddler. being vaguely undead means he is always cold so he's constantly squirming underneath phils wings, plastering himself along his side, basically burrowing under his clothes if he could. phil is exasperated but he indulges it, will complain but secretly Loves having missa close

missa absolutely takes advantage of the closeness to be a menace. just smothering every inch of phil's skin he can reach in kisses. phil is trying to make toast for the kids but missa is just leaning his full body weight on him and planting the most exaggerated smooches over the side of his face. phil tries to tell him off for it but he's giggling too hard for it to be serious

phil is constantly making new robes for missa, sewing them with thick fabric, enchanting them to be heat insulating. their house is full to bursting with blankets, partly to keep missa warm and partly to fuel phils tendency to nest

whenever missa comes back from a long trip phil absolutely bundles him up in bed, tucking him so securely into their nest. missa laughing the whole time about how he can't even move. phil's just like "GOOD, DONT!" big "L + ratio + ur not allowed to leave for that long again" vibes

[amazinglyegg]

Forever thinking about the headcanon how, despite Danse being a very no-nonsense guy, he has a soft spot for a specific kind of dirty humor.

Like, don't be a potty mouth and don't you dare say it in front of a superior, but the right joke about Supermutant love-making at the right time will have him laughing way harder than anyone would expect.

He'll just never admit that he got that sense of humor from Cutler.

[esteemed-excellency]

I was thinking about Hiram's earlier days in the neath, I remember his first Nightmares 8 achievement (Dream's Mirror) but not when he first got to Wounds 8, so I chose to make it the starting point of his Getting A Bit Mad About The State Of Things arc.

Assorted headcanons under the cut, cw for death and murder:

Hiram died for the first time during the fall, he bled out on the streets after a piece of cornice from a building fell on his head. He blacked out before dying and he woke up still a bit dizzy, after a weird dream about drowning in black water.

After failing to find his family's house (the entire street sank), he went to the Hargraves' law firm offices to salvage what he could. Two men were looting the place and he tried to reason with them, but it didn't work. Things devolved into a fight, ill equipped and desperate on Hiram's part, until the looters stabbed him and left him for dead.

The Boatman had the occasion to give him an extensive talk about the nature of death in the neath, and something clicked in Hiram's head as he realised that if dying had no consequence whatsoever there was no point in trying to reason with the looters. Actually there was no point in trying to reason with people in general. What was the worst that could happen? Death? Apparently not.

He knew how to fence for sport and shoot to hunt, so some defence and attack skills were definitely there, but what wasn't there from the start was the hubris that came with the fact that a lot of Socially Acceptable Actions and their Consequences were now completely inconsequential, death included. It was up to him to make things consequential if he cared about them, and he cared very much about the remains of his family's possessions.

He did everything he could to find the two men again, and after a few months of snooping around as a census taker and dealing with smugglers, he finally found out their names and location. He had no intention of reasoning with them this time, or buying his things back. He shot the looters and managed to recover a stack of documents, some daguerreotypes, and a few paintings, including a family portrait.

He never spared a thought for the fact that he had just killed two men because 1) they killed him first and retaliation felt satisfying, 2) he was still mourning his family, 3) death didn't matter anymore and 4) if death didn't matter, then why was his family gone and he wasn't?

Years later, after studying the effects of the Treacheries, the timing between the moment his house collapsed (when London began to sink) and his first death (when London was far enough from the Sun) was still driving him mad.

[lavampira]

dear love, take care of my heart, I’ve left it with you

[aroaceleovaldez]

miscellaneous series of Will Solace doodles and comics from awhile ago. ft some bonus Promare.

[Post that Will is quoting in the first image]

[pierswife]

This is the most on-model you will ever catch me drawing of this man

[hey-cringelord]

akashi was lowkey nonbinary but he had some basketball clubs to be the captain of so he couldn’t worry about all that

[ind1c0lite]

This was for my own convenience so I can get proper colour refs for a bunch of em in one place but I spent way too much time on it so u all get to look at it as well FHJGKHLJ poses were just ones from offical art cause I didnt feel like making my own gfjhgkhl

[silverskye13]

That xisuma fic was absolutely incredible! If you have any more specific headcanons about android!X I would love to hear them! The idea is amazing and you wrote it so well!

Hai-yo! I'm glad you liked the writing snippet! ^_^

Oh boy, headcanons. How dare you make me organize my thoughts! Let's see.

Android!X is a server that one day decided to stop running in the background. Where I think most of the hermits were "born" on a home world that they can return to, it's more like Xisuma goes into his own mind. Similarly, if someone were to plot a course in the universe to Xisuma's home world, they'd just end up standing in front of him. [I feel like this also means between seasons X just kinda floats like a spaceman in hyper sleep through the void, go you funky little robot go!]

His body is made of circuitry and nanobots? In a way that isn't in any way functional to real life. But it's like he's a beehive almost. He has a living, moving body, but it's built for finesse and life-like expression. That kind of detail needs constant maintenance, so he has a fleet of little drone nanobots constantly doing repairs.

On that note, I think metallic/cybernetic/redstone components don't respawn like organic matter does on death. If it takes damage, it has to be repaired. Hermits like Doc are only mildly hampered by this, since any time his mechanics break, only parts of him are out of commission. For X though, anything that doesn't kill him outright has to be repaired. His nanobots help this, especially with small bits of damage accrued throughout the day, but anything that does significant damage requires him to power down to focus on repair and rebuild, where his nanos can run rampant while he rests. [He's never not productive though. Normally he uses this time to catch up on writing memory transcripts and other general internal housekeeping.]

Android!X is functionally smart but because everything he's ever done has had to be coded, a lot of things slip between gaps in his logic. He's a very smart computer, but he's still a computer. Common sense things slip between the cracks because common sense on regular people is mostly pattern recognition and intuition. Xisuma's only intuition is something he's hand-written in a table in a file somewhere. If he's never had to write/code it, and it's unique enough to not show up in a basic dictionary/archive search, it's a blind spot for him. He can query and in a millisecond give you data facts about the deep dark and still forget that the clicking noise his thinking pattern makes would attract a Warden. This also means he sometimes has weird hang ups in social situations sometimes. Yeah sure, Etho and BDubs are having the same friendly debate from last week, but this time BDubs is 30% louder [possible difference in altercation severity?] and Etho is on hazardous ground [standing on scaffolding, increasing height, personal endangerment? Posturing? Intimidation technique?], which means this situation is actually totally different and he's never coded protocols for it. He's gotten pretty good at reading other people's reactions to gauge his own, but when he's alone, he sometimes has an error he's affectionately labeled a "social short circuit". Good thing they're all hermits and understand when he sometimes just... walks away from things.

Even X doesn't know where his emotions come from. He knows he can augment them [He has a database for complex feelings like "happy and also sad" and "lonely but content", as well as for tonally dissonant scenarios like "feel worried when Cleo says 'its fine'."] and he has on a handful of occasions been able to shut them down when he was too overwhelmed or in a tense situation. But he has no idea where the emotions originally came from, and his ability to control their intensity [and turning them off] is so non-existent it's nearly random.

Xisuma has been trying to code a way to feel pain for a long time. Most of the hermits think he's crazy when he talks about it, but he thinks it would cut back on a lot of his time spent on damage assessment. It's much easier to tell if something is broken if you can feel it break. Currently his only indication something is wrong is if a circuit is actively frying or something stops working -- or if his nanos sniff it out.

Xisuma doesn't eat, but he tells his friends he eats redstone. It cuts back on some of the unnecessary worry about his well-being. It also means when they think he's distressed, they leave him little gifts of redstone, and he finds that endearing.

Xisuma likes to dress up his cybernetics. It started out with trying new paint jobs and slowly escalated to building new body casings with fancy cosmetics. He's very proud of his bone mage cosplay. The little dragon helmet has glowy-eyes and smoke comes out of its nose and everything. Tango, Joe and Cleo like to help him design things, and he lets Doc and Grian go ham trying to stress test [ie ruthlessly destroy] the parts to make sure they're durable before he commits to a design.

And that's about all I've got for now I think!

[toffeemugg]

hello jay walker nation

edit: swapped the gi on right drawing (ty to those who corrected me!)

[out-of-heaven-and-hell]

Stella would have never had kids if she had been given the choice. Stolas likely wouldn't have had kids or at least had them with someone else. Rather than the woman he had grown to hate.

Sometimes she feels less like a daughter, especially in regards to Stolas. She's not his daughter, she's the daughter of the woman he hates, she's not his daughter she's the heir to the Ars Goetia, she's not his daughter and she's not Stella's daughter. She's the symbol of years of hate, bitterness, resentment and the only thing to come out of their horrible union.

What do you do when the two people who love you most...wouldn't have you if given the chance?

[sankttealeaf]

writing fever dreams is so fun because i have been sick for like. the past 3 months. i get to project my weird dreams onto characters and theres nothing they can do to prevent it

[katyspersonal]

BLOODY CROW VS ALBERICH

Who is winning the edgelord contest?

LMAO. I see you still haven't learned to stop pitting the kings against each other sjffhdsd Well, I actually think Alberich might win this one..? xD

Okay, so, Bloody Crow is, indeed, edgy: he is one of the guardians of the vampire queen using the sword that he powers up with the blood and that keeps draining from his life force, he is heavily implied to hunt the hunters themselves to get the blood dregs from them (hence the affiliation, and the heresy to what Hunters of Hunters should REALLY do; feed corpses to the birds). His look ALONE is pretty edgy; he has all the Cainhurst drip but chest piece is the cape inspired by crow feathers, and he is also one of like, three survivors of the castle ruined by religious fanatics, still latching onto what he knew despite not being able to return (Annalise tells us we are her only affiliate after we contract with her).

So like, yeah, why would Alberich win? Because of the term you used, lol! xD 'Edgelord' would imply like... humorously, comically, unnecessarily over-the-top with angst and blood and all against the society, and honestly, Crow is more serious (dare I say, tragic?) character than meets the eye! Besides, the 'edginess' of his weapons is reduced because it is just normal covenant weapon for them!

Alberich though? Like I mentioned, if you remove his hat in alteration of outfits, you can see similar process with Azur and Lusat, but with bloody glintstones instead of their comet ones. I don't even know whether he did that to himself, or he was likewise an exiled criminal; he uses cold sorceries as well, and Staff of the Sinner/Guilty/whatever? I feel as though nothing about his data suggesting any eyes injury or absence (unlike, say, with the sisters) implies that he inflicted the blindness on himself by never taking the bandage, because he JUST decided bloody sorcery was cooler, hahaha. Regardless of the interpretation, dude is edgy. Again, the blood glintstones are reviled as they're brought by stabbing (if not killing) other people! The dude also uses his own blood to create spiky bloody vines - sorry, but this is MORE edgy than simply coating the sword in the blood that is already IN the sheath; Crow doesn't even STAB himself, unlike Maria!

But more importantly? He is said to be asocial in general, keeping away from people. ...and he was driven mad by "jeering tongues", whereas dropping an item Taunter's Tongue that is golden in color, whereas Ensha is stated to have golden bones, whereas he doesn't speak, so I conclude Alberich cut out his tongue for talking shit about him! Like!! Okay, look, that is VERY edgy! Like, unnecessary over-the-top reaction, that I think Bloody Crow would not have had! In fact, I believe Crow might even enjoy it if people talk shit about him? And I feel like Crow has more merit to needing to keep away from the society with his story and goals, whereas Alberich is more on the "studying heretical magic that those plebs just won't "understand"" side!

^^^ that's Alberich with blood glintstones when he appears in the Roundtable Hold frrrrrr fhdhds xddd

...but also, Alberich is wearing blood glintstones on his clothes. It is like, showing off how many people he stabbed, since blood turns into them. Crow doesn't really show off his 'crimes' like that.

Honorable mentions: 1) Me and @val-of-the-north headcanon that Alberich enjoys consuming blood, like adding it in the tea or whatnot, and that is WITHOUT any vampiric implications, which is edgier 2) If theory about Gideon being his father holds up, that'd give Alberich HEAVY daddy issues, which would add to the angstiness. 3) I just... like, if I had to choose which one of these characters would give a villain speech full of oddly specific, even petty grudges, I'd totally pick Alberich! I feel like Crow would either not even honor his opponent with a word unless seriously pissed off (by refusing to die fast enough? xD), or he would be kind of on point.

______________

Argh. This ask had no business being THIS hard. These characters do not even have a darn dialogue, I have to walk in the dark and base my judgement on headcanons. ;-; Please never do it again.