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uncertaininnit · 4 years

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who wants to read an essay about my relationship with simping/an appreciation(/simping lol) post about Will+Eret and also seperately tommyinnit that was written at 4:22 am and then added to the queue because i love the queue system also fun fact i pronounced the word ‘queue’ as ‘cc-week’ for like an entire year and idk why anyways

lets just jump into it

lol

so. if somebody was to ask me who my favorite mcyt is, i would think about it for a moment and eventually answer with either Wilbur or Eret. and i think that is purely out of simping instinct or whatever the fuck.

to start, Wilbur; the prettiest man, period. i do not take constructive criticism. he is literally gorgeous and i get so mad at him for putting himself down all the time because he doesnt deserve the shit, especially not from himself. he is 24 years old and has the lowest self-esteem out of anybody i can think of. i want to yell in his face all the time. i want to tell him simps are the same species as him, and they have REASONS to simp. if you keep seeing appreciation posts about yourself (which im sure he does) that means people APPRECIATE YOU and WANT YOU to feel APPRECIATED.

anyway, back to simping. let’s start from the top. his goddamn hair. it is, it is, and i just took a deep breath, so pretty. maybe it isnt the hair itself, probably, but the way it is done. wavy dark brown hair all floofy in the front. and he is constantly messing with it, which is THE cutest thing. when he is excited, he moves a lot, and his hair moves with him and gets messed up and ahhhcvkvyr moving on.

his face? lets start with his eyes. they are so pretty. i think my opinion on eyes is probably weird, and allow me to explain why. i never ever notice somebodies eye color when talking to them. i just dont even look. so when i am actively paying attention to somebody’s eyes, they are that much more important to me. but idk, i kinda feel like his eyes are one of the biggest factors of his face? like, he looks really pretty whether he is smiling or not, because his face doesn’t ride on his smile.

sidetrack paragraph about george: i think george is that way. he is adorable, but he is only really adorable when he is smiling. if i look up ‘georgenotfound cute’ it will be entirely him smiling, and never any other facial expression because he genuinely looks like the fucking weirdest thing sometimes when making a serious face. back to will.

i dont pay attention to noses because who even cares dude but i’m sure his nose does a good job of supporting his looks as well so good job nose

his SMILE. he doesn’t need to smile, but dude, when he does, it’s like i always used to say (and still would say) in regards to eijiro kirishima. it’s like... sunbeams, like rays of light are in his mouth and escaping when he smiles.i wonder how he keeps a star in there. because his smile literally lights up my heart. and when he tilts his head(basically all the time luckily)? so goddamn pretty. pretty man. pretty.

that brings us to his neck, which is- no, kidding, but i do want to talk about his vocal chords! firstly his speaking voice, which i guess as an american it hits different for me because of the accent. but- i dont think i can put it into words. but the way he puts thoughts into words-(lol) idk, his voice is just really sweet. and his SINGING VOICE, here we go.

so he sings, duh. and i- holy fuck. he just sounds good, you know? he is a good singer. i want to put my emotions simply this time. he sings well, and he sounds good. a pretty voice for a pretty man. i cant even try to elaborate.

basically the only other thing of my concern is his fucking yellow sweater? or jumper or whatever the fuck? and his beanie? on his body? damn. i am genuinely attached to that sweater. it just looks good, ok? it does.

oh yeah, and he’s hella fucking tall. 6′5? are you kidding? you couldn’t have at least been short so we could make fun of you?

oh yeah and his laugh-

it is now 4:53 am and a bitch is tired but i have an entire fucking train of thoughts and they must be somewhere before they slip away

the next part- Eret. i adore Eret. so incredibly much. and let me start this by saying i’m going to consistantly call him a he, because he doesn’t care and so that makes it easier for me. ok? ok.

he is the opposite of Wilbur in this one regard, confidence. and self-esteem. eret loves himself. that attitude spreads. look, not only is he like the #1 bicon in the world as far as i’m concerned, but he also actively fucks gender roles any day. strawberry dress pog? strawberry dress pog.

but seriously, he rocked the strawberry dress. and the suit, though i missed that stream. he rocks his crown, his sunglasses, just anything he puts on. and don’t get me started on the BOOTS

(im started on the boots) so firstly the heel boots, the first ones he got. when i first saw clips, my only thought was something like ‘woah.’ or maybe ‘damn.’ at that point i didn’t know much about him, just that he looked STELLAR in those boots (and the betrayal and shit yknow) and the PLATFORMS DUDE

the platforms are the same but moar tall, which is incredible. oh and now back to strawberry dress- have you seen him twirl? the twirl? hello? have you seen it? you must.

also i havent even talked about HIM yet. hove you seen that picture of him with a bird on his shoulder? he is facing the bird, i think looking at it, with a wide smile across his face. and it is so pretty. he has the prettiest smile.

also today i was looking for flour at the store place and a clip of him was playing in my mind- he was doing like an announcer voice, like in every superhero movie trailer- and he was just coming up with something to say, and what he ened up saying was ‘in a world... where.... cookies.... are made of pringles’ and OMFG its making me laugh even now. like of absolutely anything, that was the example he made. just thinking about it is making me smile.

speaking of, have you heard his voice? his normal voice is really really deep anyways, but he has crazy range- he can effortlessly(i originally wrote effortly and when i noticed i laughed because i am so fucking tired bfv9wuocl) go from like an elmo impression (and a good one) to a just REALLY low voice, lower than his normal low voice.

AND HIS SINGING VOICE! he doesn’t like actually make music like wilbur but on that one stream where he did kareoke (how the fuck is it spelled) with fundy and his voice is SO LIKE its deep and its just pretty and i never want to hear normal sweater weather ever again, just him singing it.

i think this is where i’m done with eret- it is 5:18 now, and a BITCH IS TIRED but i need to finish this while i’m still feeling this wayy or i’ll never finish it, i know this from experience.

and now it’s tommy time

the og reason i decided to make this an actual post . but i had to explain the simping thing before i got into my thoughts about tommy.

but let me start this with just saying yes, i love him. he is a big man and i want him to be happy. which is the topic for today’s discussion, AHEM.

so tommyinnit, right? he is 16, which is why i do NOT simp.i dont care that im also a minor, i wouldn’t do anything to make him feel uncomfortable, ever. in any world. never. because look- i dont know how to put it, but tommy is SIXTEEN. still young and impressionable and all that junk. and he is a fairly fucking famous twitch streamer. he does that almost daily.

what i’m saying is i dont want him to get hurt. him, and tubbo too. they are a part of the world, part of the public, all the time. don’t you think that is stressful? do you guys remember his haircut stream? on the day of his haircut? and chat was making fun of him for it, and wilbur was making fun of him for it. that is how i express affection, with my real friends as well. playful bullying. but at some point while Will was teasing him, he says something along the lines of ‘yeah, the big man hasn’t been having too great a day’ or something like that, and dude, my heart dropped.

a. he had mentioned earlier that he didn’t want to stream the day of his haircut because hair is always weird that first day, but since he hadn’t streamed in a good bit he felt obliged to. i dont really.. idk, i dont really like that. i dont want him to have to put himself in uncomfortable situations because he feels like he needs to for us. i don’t think that is healthy.

and b. chat and wilbur were bullying him. good-naturedly, but still, when he mentioned he had been having a bad day, the chat turned around and instantly started yelling shit like ‘AHHHH SORRY BIG MAN YOUR HAIR IS FINE’ and when Wilbur kept teasing him (you fucking beautiful bully man fuck off) yelling stuff like ‘WILBUR QUIT WE ARE H U R T I N G HIM’ and ‘WILL STFU HES HAVING A BAD DAY’ so im glad we all want him to feel ok

but still, it cannot be healthy. when i first got into MCYT, i though tommy was fucking loud and annoying. and he is! he is. but that is a big part of why i like him so much. and everyone jokes about him being a child, because he is, but i choose to not say stuff like that in chat just because i want him to be happy. those jokes are fun, but i want him to be happy. and he is happier when not being called a child.

im not attacking you, do whatever the fuck you want. i dont know why i feel the need to protect him or whatever, if he read this he would probably think i was hella creepy. i just- listen, i just want him to be happy. i just want him to smile and laugh. i sound SO GODDAMN CREEPY but- as ive said- i just want him to be happy.

is this literally just what having a comfort streamer is? am i not crazy? does everyone experience this? and can we talk about tommy’s playlist it’s literally so sweet and bubbly compared to his personality and i love that. and the song he always plays at the start of stream and always like buzzes along to? that moment in time is my very favorite.

it is 5:44-

#simp #like im literally the biggest simp #mcyt #dream smp #wilbur soot #the_eret #tommyinnit

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erekiosuncreativeideas · 4 years

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Being Human - Chapter 15

<= Chapter 14

Summary : Snatcher experiences the joys of waking up after a night of crying Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24826561/chapters/67470473

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Sorry for the late posting ! Thank you for all your support, I'm glad you like the fanfic so far ! (I know I haven't replied to all the comments, but I'll do it soon, life has been quite... Rough for me during the past few days, but it's going to get better. Also I'm playing Starbound way too much dkjhsqkjdfsdf)

Of course, the “Oh The Humanity” AU belongs to @doodledrawsthings !

Happy reading !

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Chapter 15 - “Do you have any… Theory, for now?”

The first thing that Snatcher noticed when waking up… Was how much his eyes hurt and how much his throat was dry. Confusion engulfed him as his still half-asleep mind was trying to understand why his eyes stung so much. He tried to open them, only to find that his eyelids seemed stuck together, and he only managed to get his eyes open by rubbing them. Why did it-

Oh. Yeah. He remembered now. He had cried a lot that night.

Snatcher took a deep breath, trying to ignore the flashes of memories invading his mind. No, he did not want to remember that dream, or anything related to that time down there. Or in his life in general, actually. The Prince of Subcon was dead, and he had nothing to do with that moron anymore. Nothing.

Well. Except for a body, now. The former ghost sighed, already exasperated. Oh, what an amazing way to start a wonderful day! He scoffed, though it wasn’t really sincere, and eventually looked around. He was still in the kids’ bedroom, however, he was alone. He had probably overslept, something that seemed hard to believe considering his psychological state, but it apparently happened. Huh, who would have thought? Certainly not him.

With a bit of trouble, Snatcher straightened, feeling his skin itching a bit. Oh, yeah, and he had slept with the same clothes as the day before, having no pyjamas in the bag lent by Cooking Cat. So that explained why it was itching so much, the wool jacket sure was comfortable but not on the long term. With a groan, the man took it off, with some struggle admittedly, but it was mostly due to the fact that he still needed to get used to having a body to control.

Funny how it was so difficult when he had actually possessed people in the past. Yet, he supposed it was due to the fact that he wasn’t controlling their body directly but mostly forced their mind to move said body the way he wanted them to. Magic stuff he didn’t want to think too hard about so early in the morning. Well, not that he could know what time it was, considering there wasn’t any clock in the room. With a sigh, Snatcher climbed down the pillow pool and stretched. Okay, that felt good, he couldn’t deny this fact. It was perhaps one of the pros of having a human body again: humans had bones, ghosts did not. Although, he knew how having his bones broken felt like and it wasn’t-

He shook his head. Here he was, thinking of that time again. Damned brain, always reminding him stuff he didn’t want to remember. Snatcher took another deep breath: it wasn’t the time to think of that, now. Slowly, he rubbed his eyes, feeling a bit better just by the contact. Normally he didn’t like the sensation of touch, but… It felt nice, like he was scrubbing his eyes or something. Weird and gross, but, heh, he might as well get used to it… Seeing as the little girls seemed to think it would take a while for him to go back to being a spirit.

He really hoped it wouldn’t last too long.

He forced his brain to focus on the situation at hand. Right, the kids. With that thought in mind, Snatcher left the room and walked to the hub, wondering where they could be. As soon as he entered the huge room, something caught his attention in the corner of his right eye. A bit surprised, the former shade turned in this direction, wondering what it was, only to find the older kid, hatless. This was truly a weird sight, as he only saw her without it when he had tried to kill her and her friend. Hah. Good times.

She was sitting in the pillows in front of the television, eating something colourful in a bowl -cereals perhaps?- still in her pyjamas. The brat glanced at him, her eyes widening as soon as she saw his face.

-“Woah,” she said, raising her brows: “Have you seen your reflection? Because you look like you’ve been hit by a train.”

Oh, joy, a remark about the consequences of his sobs. Great, fantastic. Snatcher rolled his eyes with a groan:

-“Good morning to you too,” he replied, though it was much more hostile than what he had first intended. Well, after such a greeting from her, he wasn’t in the mood to be nice. She winced a bit, and glanced away for a second, a brief flash of guilt visible on her face. When she looked back, her expression softened:

-“Sorry,” she murmured, before asking, putting her bowl on the ground as she stared at him: “Are you okay?”

The question took Snatcher aback, making him freeze. ‘Was he okay’? What kind of question was that? Of course he wasn’t! The former ghost scoffed, ready to make fun of the kid for how stupid she was to even ask something so obvious. However… The way she was so seriously looking at him made him close his lips before he even got the chance to mock her. He didn’t know why he was careful with someone else’s feelings all of a sudden, and yet, here he was. Snatcher stared into space, conflicted, before letting out a tired and frustrated sigh.

Whatever. At this point, his pride was already more than shattered; it wasn’t like something more would make such a big difference. And so, Snatcher sat next to her, on pillows that had been pushed on the side the day before. He brought his knees to his chest as kept his eyes on the floor. Eventually, after what felt like centuries to him, he managed to talk again:

-“No,” he muttered, his tone low: “No, I’m not.”

The kid stared at him for a few moments, as if the gears in her mind were turning in the background. After a while, her eyes widened a bit as a look of realization crossed her features.

-“Rough night?” she wondered with a compassionate voice.

Snatcher couldn’t help but scoff bitterly again. ‘Rough night’ would be an understatement compared to the hellish dream, or rather flashback, that he had. Soon, the sour smile on his lips died down and he shut his eyes, feeling his dream, no, his memories coming back to him. Why wasn’t he able to forget those after hundreds of years? Why couldn’t he move on and forget about the cruel woman that could freeze his entire forest the moment he turns his back- oh wait, that was why.

-“Yeah,” he finally replied with an exhausted sigh.

Silence fell in the room for a few, long seconds, until the hatless brat spoke again:

-“Wanna talk about it?” she offered and, for a moment, he was surprised at how nice and patient she was being. After all this time passed pushing him around, trying to make him do things… Now she was trying to be kind and calm? What was happening here?

-“Who are you and what did you do with the brat?” Snatcher retorted with a half sincere snort.

He had expected her to be mad at his question, but all she did was giggle at his joke. Apparently, someone clearly had a good night’s sleep, much more than him. At least, she wasn’t yelling or anything of the sort.

-“No, but for real,” she replied, her face becoming serious again after a few seconds: “I mean it, you know? Bow and I will always be there if you need something.”

Snatcher took a deep breath. Yeah, he did know that, but the former ghost wasn’t one to talk about his past or, worse, his “feelings”. What was there even to say about them? “Yeah, I dreamt about my ex killing me, it wasn’t very nice, I am weirdly upset by this”? Of course not. He knew the kids were aware of some parts of his past, not everything, but still. No one needed to be a genius to deduct what had happened after a visit in the Queen’s manor, and Moonjumper’s existence was only a proof of what was left of him.

Quite literally, in fact.

He sighed. He didn’t want to talk about any of that. Being forced to be alive again was already a lot to take in already.

-“Speaking about the other brat, where is she?”

The hatless little girl seemed a bit disappointed by the fact that he was still not opening up, but didn’t insist, to his great relief. This really was not a topic he wanted to be forced to talk about. At his question, the kid pointed to the engine room:

-“She’s taking a shower.”

-“Oh, so it’s morning then?” asked the former ghost, really lost with the sense of time on this spaceship. After all, it was hard to tell what time it was without any sun in the sky to give you any indication. But, here again, the child pointed somewhere else, this time on the huge safe behind them. Oh yeah, there was a clock on it. Snatcher wanted to slap himself for his own stupidity, but heh, at this point… In any case, the clock indicated that it was almost nine in the morning, and he couldn’t help but be surprised. He had imagined the kids would be the type to get up really late, but apparently he had been the one to take that role today. Well, not like it helped him to get a good night’s sleep anyway.

-“Oh. Right,” he muttered, more to himself.

Silence fell for a little while, until the hatless child started to eat her cereals again. Suddenly, the sight of the food, despite how disgusted he was of it in any kind, brought back that awful feeling in his stomach. Gods, it was like someone was having fun twisting his guts… Okay, it was fun when you were the one doing it on someone else, but feeling it was not enjoyable. It is at that moment that a loud gurgling sound echoed in the room, making Snatcher clench at his stomach, both ashamed and still a bit confused. The feeling of being hungry was not one he liked, definitely not. And his mouth was dry too, just like-

No. No, he wasn’t going to think of that again.

The brat -thankfully- interrupted his train of thoughts as she asked him something else:

-“So uh,” she paused, glancing at his face then to his stomach repeatedly before finishing her sentence: “Wanna eat something?”

Snatcher couldn’t help but groan, already knowing he wouldn’t have any choice in the matter anyway. He had learnt pretty well that fighting against his body and its urges wasn’t really a good idea, no matter how much he wanted to. So, with great reluctance, he opened his mouth again:

-“Unfortunately, yes,” he answered, visibly frustrated to no end. His reply seemed to amuse the little girl for a few moments but she quickly did her best to hide her expression behind a straight face. Yeah, good choice, given Snatcher’s sour mood. He didn’t mention it, but he was a bit relieved not to be mocked or looked at for how difficult daily human tasks were for him, even the most basic ones, ones that were oh so important to survive.

And so, they both stood up, the former ghost now more stable on his two legs. Yes, he was getting used to those things! Climbing the ladder was a bit harder though, but he eventually managed to get on top of the mezzanine. Just as they were about to enter the kitchen, the door from the engine room opened. Snatcher and the hatless brat looked over the guardrail, seeing the younger kid, all dressed up. She was wearing a yellow tunic with cat paws pattern on it, with dark, plain leggings. Her hair were styled just like usually, and she was wearing a variation of her usual blue bow, this time red. Snatcher couldn’t help but wonder how many of them she had.

-“Hey again!” greeted the hatless brat from above, catching the attention of the other child, making her jump a bit from the surprise. The latter raised her head and her eyes meet theirs. Instantly, a smile made its way on her lips as she saw both of them.

Ugh. Too many smiles for today already, and the day had already barely started.

-“Hey, Hat!” she greeted the older one back, before waving to Snatcher: “Hello! Did you-”

However, as soon as her eyes fell on him long enough to inspect his face, apparently more than indicative about his lack of sleep, she closed her mouth, keeping it shut before asking any stupid question. Although, the worry in her eyes made Snatcher more irritated than he already was. He was already past his comfort zone, so might as well continue, heh.

-“No, I did not sleep well,” he answered as he rubbed his face, feeling how tired he was just by the feeling of his skin, of how cold his hands were because of the lack of sleep, how he could feel some sort of bags under his eyes… Oh, yes, the day was already starting so well!!

Ha. What a joke.

Snatcher half sighed, half yawned in his hands and stared back at the kid down in the hub:

-“And no, I don’t want to talk about it,” he added, just to make sure, in case it wasn’t clear enough from his expression. The worry in the other’s eyes didn’t disappear, but at least she tried to hide it behind a smile, and she nodded.

-“That’s fine,” she simply said, before a short silence fell into the room, as if no one knew what to say anymore. It was only thanks to the hatless kid that the tension was reduced a bit.

-“So uh, now that you’re done showering…” she started, nodding to the man as she kept talking: “You okay helping him to find something to eat? I’d like to shower too, now.”

Snatcher didn’t like to be mentioned as if he weren’t in the same room, but he was too exhausted to care enough. All he wanted was to be done with eating and drinking as soon as possible, hoping he’d be able to rest later.

Not to sleep, however. Oh, no, not after a dream like that. But he was tired and he could feel his eyelids being heavier than normal, or whatever was supposed to be normal. He only had been in this body for two days, it wasn’t like he was the most experienced one to deem what was normal or now.

The bow-wearing girl nodded with much motivation, seemingly very determined to help:

-“Oh, yeah, sure!” She then walked to the ladder and climbed, joining the duo. When she was close enough of her older friends, the two of them high fived and giggled soon after. Somehow, Snatcher couldn’t help but think of them as two fighters relieving one another from their duties. He felt insulted for a moment, but then again, he was too tired to care and just rolled his eyes at the gesture. The hatless brat went down in the hub, walking to her bedroom, probably to get some clothes to the bathroom with her.

The former shade was brought back to reality as he heard the kitchen door opening. When he glanced back at the bow-wearing kid, she was holding the door for him, waiting for him to come in. Without waiting much longer, the man complied, thanking her with a quiet nod. Saying “thank yous” and “you’re welcomes” weren’t something he was used to, after all this time snatching souls and killing people, but he was not a complete jerk. Or, well, he was, but.

Then again.

Snatcher didn’t care and just wanted things to be over with so he could rest his eyes.

-“So, what do you want to eat?” asked the little girl, as she rummaged in the cupoards, “We have cereals, waffles, pancakes, cookies-”

An instant feeling of dread and nausea settled over Snatcher, who couldn’t help but gag at the simple mention of those damned biscuits. No, never, ever, nope, jamais. His reaction caught the kid’s attention, who turned in his direction, while he was covering his mouth, eyes shut and heart beating faster in his chest. Gods, how could he feel so ill just by hearing the names of those things? Well, that wasn’t really hard to know, considering how traumatized this all made him. Of course, cooki-, no, those things were just a part of this trauma, a single drop of water among an entire ocean of terrible experiences. Now, being hungry just made it worse, as saliva pilled up in his mouth, more and more and more-

-“The sink, the sink!” exclaimed the little girl, suddenly pushing him over the counter so he could bend over said sink. As soon as he was in front of it, his body collapse over it, his mouth opening as he felt his stomach contracting, trying to push whatever was inside out of him. Which, quite frankly, was practically nothing, as he didn’t eat much the day before. All that came out of his mouth was a dark-green-to-yellowish-brown fluid, leaving an awful acidic taste on his tongue. He didn’t have more time to think about it as a fit of coughing interrupted him, preventing him from breathing. No matter how much he was trying, another cough stopped him right before he inhaled anything. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t-!

He then felt a hand patting his back, rubbing it too in a reassuring way:

-“It’s okay, Snatcher, it’s okay,” said a soft voice behind him, forcing his mind to focus on something else: “Calm down, it’s going to be fine, breathe”, it added, repeating all those words over and over again with that same soft and gentle tone. The rubs were still continuing and, for once, Snatcher was glad his senses were still easily overwhelmed. Soon, the panic died down and he managed to stop his coughing, taking a deep, deep breath. Gods, he had needed that.

It took him a while to finally recover, his breath still heavy for a while. Gods, this felt terrible. The man then eventually noticed that he was handed a napkin to wipe the bile off his face. Silently, he took it with a shaking hand, doing his best to clean himself.

-“You okay now?” questioned the little girl, her intonation full of concern. Well, in that case, he couldn’t really blame her. He was pretty concerned himself.

-“Y-yeah,” he breathed out as he nodded, his eyes still fixed in the sink, sweat forming on his forehead: “… Thanks,” he then muttered, though it was loud enough for the kid to hear him. A little smile formed on her lips as she realized that he had voiced his gratitude, and she rubbed his back more.

-“You’re welcome,” she replied warmly. She then bent over the sink and opened the tap, keeping her eyes fixed on anything else as she did so. Once done, another silence settled in the room, making Snatcher a bit more uncomfortable than he already was. Fortunately, the bow-wearing child started to talk again:

-“Do you… Still want something to eat?” she asked with clear hesitation in her voice. The question made the former spirit think. He didn’t want to, but… At the same time, he knew that he would feel worse and worse if he kept refusing food to his body. Even if it wasn’t much, he could eat a small part of something, just to give his body enough fuel to survive the day.

-“I’ll…” he paused as he tried to stand straight again, still keeping his hands over the counter just in case: “I’ll try the cereals,” he replied, before adding, his voice hoarse: “With a glass of water, please.”

Gods, he really was polite, today.

The kid quickly agreed and started to pour him a bowl, being careful not to give him too much. She then gave him a glass of fresh water, which he immediately drank. Surprisingly, he didn’t choke himself with it. Perhaps he was getting better at this swalling thing. Then again, swallowing liquids was much easier than doing so with solid food.

The duo soon left the kitchen, Snatcher with food in his hands, as they walked to the TV, sitting there once more.

-“You’re not eating?” he asked the little girl as they settled down.

-“I already did,” she said, approaching the television to… Change the channel. Gods, technology was so confusing. He had heard a bit about what a TV was from some of his previous contractor, but being in front of the real thing was much more unsettling than he had first thought. Now, the screen was showing what seemed to be a movie, one featuring birds. A lot of them. Owls, more precisely, in what seemed to be some kind of desert.

What the heck.

After some time eyeing the cereals in the bowl, he finally found the courage to take a first bite and… It was okay. Sure, the texture felt weird, but they were small enough to be chewed easily, and the taste wasn’t too strong like the sandwiches had been the day before. Saying that Snatcher was surprised would be an understatement, but hey, at least he had found something he could eat without too much trouble!

-“Is it good?” wondered the bow-wearing child, interrupting his train of thoughts again.

-“Yeah, it’s… It’s fine,” he replied, doing his best to focus on chewing and swallowing. One second of inattention would surely make him cough again, with food going down the wrong way. This was not something he wanted to experience.

In any case, eating wasn’t “nice” per se, but for now, it was doable. Some part of him couldn’t help but think it was mostly a problem linked to a lack of habit. Perhaps it would improve with time. At least, this time, he had known what to expect, so he now he wasn’t too unnerved at the feeling of something inside his mouth. No need to say that this was some kind of progress, and he felt relieved at the thought. Sure, he didn’t want to stay a human too long, but if he managed to grasp how to operate his weird body, then it wouldn’t be as unbearable as it was when he turned. Just really unsettling, for very obvious reasons.

And that thought brought him to another question, which he couldn’t help but voice to the other:

-“So… You’re both going to try to find a solution again, today, right?” He really hoped they did. The faster he could become a ghost again, the better.

The little girl nodded, a more serious look now on her face:

-“Yeah, we will,” she answered, but then added with cautious intonation: “But we’re still at the very beginning of our research. It’s going to take us a few days to understand how to reverse the process, and more days to figure out how to make it work.”

Snatcher hummed at her reply: yeah, that’s what he had understood from their conversation the day before. He wasn’t particularly surprised hearing that again. Yet, he couldn’t get rid of the fear of having Vanessa freezing the entire forest and all of its undead inhabitants once more… He really hoped she wouldn’t notice anything before a while.

He had to protect his kingdom. His home.

-“Do you have any… Theory, for now?” he still asked, wanting to know more about the little girls’ plans and hypothesises. At her question, the bow-wearing child winced, but still answered as much as she could, explaining what they had found so far:

-“We don’t know much… Yet. We do have a theory or, well, a possible way of reversing the process,” she developed, her eyes glancing at him as she kept going: “See, the Time Pieces work thanks to the sand inside of them. On their own, they’re just basic receptacles, you know? That’s why we were inspecting the sand, yesterday, so we could know if it was possible to, like… Reverse the effect.”

-“What do you mean, ‘reverse the effect’?” he interrupted her, confused. This was much too abstract for him, yet he was doing his best to understand.

-“Hum, well… Look, when you break a Time Piece, it goes back in time, right?” she asked him, waiting for him to nod before continuing: “But actually, there are two options, not just one. It doesn’t just ‘go back in time’. It either does it randomly, going back a few seconds to a few years earlier -in your case, centuries-, either it follows what the person wishes the most while breaking the Time Piece.”

The man’s eyes widened at her words. Oh, so that explained quite well why a war broke out on the children’s planet. In any case, this was a lot to take in, though he remained silent to allow the other to continue her explanations:

-“So, what we’re trying to do is to determine how the sand works. Once we do… We’ll be able to change its properties, thanks to all the stuff we have in the machine room. Of course, this is only a very, very short summary of our theory, because there are a lot more factors playing a part in it. But,” she paused, raising a finger: “But, if we do manage to do that… We might be able to turn you back to your ghost self, thus, ‘reversing the effect’. You’ll have to wish to go back to who you were when breaking the Time Piece, and it should work.”

The former ghost hummed, though it was still a bit hard for him to understand. He did catch the basic information though, and well, at least the girls had a lead. He really hoped this would work… And wouldn’t take too long to execute. They did have a time limit, after all…

Just as he was about to ask for more details, a loud ringing sound echoed in the spaceship, all the lights turning red all of a sudden. The man’s heart jumped in his chest as a startled scream left his lips from the surprise. What was that?! It sounded like an alarm, blasting over and over and over again in the ship. The former ghost turned to the bow-wearing kid, but instead of seeing fear or confusion on her face, all he could see was some annoyance.

-“Gosh, I should really turn that off for good,” she groaned as she stood up. Somehow, the fact that she didn’t seem worried at all reassured Snatcher quite a bit. It sounded like it was a repetitive occurrence, from her expression. Still, the ringing hurt Snatcher’s ears much more than what he’d like, and, fortunately, it stopped after a few more moments. Soon, the ship was filled with silence again, to Snatcher’s great relief. Good. He wasn’t sure he could have handled more of that awful and loud sound.

-“What was that?” he wondered, his voice faltering from the shock. Gods, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

-“The intruder alarm,” she simply answered, matter-of-factly: “It means someone came onto the ship.”

At those words, the man felt a twist in his guts. Someone? Who…? In the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but fear for a particular person, though his rational side was trying its best to reassure him. It wasn’t Her, it couldn’t be Her!

He needed to stop having those irrational fears. There were many things more urgent he could be scared about. But not something this stupid or just impossible. How would She even come here? Sure she had magic, but not teleportation spells or anything. Besides, he was pretty sure that She couldn’t even see the spaceship from the mansion. After all, the whole domain was almost completely hidden by a large ice dome…

Gods, why did he need reassurance so much?

The kid seemed to notice his panic and started to rub his back again, the feeling of touch being strangely comforting for some reason:

-“Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay,” she told him with a calming and soothing voice. Although it only made Snatcher feel more and more miserable. He wasn’t some child in need of comfor- oh. He was shaking again.

This body was like an open book, and Snatcher hated that.

-“I’m… I’m fine,” he muttered, gritting his teeth: “So, where is the intru-” However, the former-ghost was cut short as the door from the bedroom opened swiftly, revealing a very familiar face.

Moonjumper’s.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

So, here was another chapter... And another cliffhanger :)c I had to, hehehe In any case, I hope you're still interested in this fanfiction, and I hope you'll like the next chapters too !

See you in the next chapters !

=> Chapter 16

#A Hat In Time #ahit #snatcher #bow kid #hat kid #Being Human #ahit being human #erekio #erekio bh #fanfiction #ahit fanfiction #oth #oth au #doodledrawsthings #Oh The Humanity AU #BH #my art

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malfoysmaybank · 4 years

Text

Who Woulda Thought? - JJ Maybank

gif by @toesure

requested by @jailcalledlife

wc; idk a lot

request: Hi! I have an idea for a one shot or story, where a kook reader or character invites JJ to a family weekend or something because they don’t like her kook boyfriend and she thinks if they see JJ they’ll realize how her boyfriend is better for their lifestyle. But they all end up loving JJ and the reader ends up falling for him. And maybe the kook boyfriend could show up and show his true colors of him being a dick. Or her family members can say things like ‘oh we’ve never seen _ so happy’

⚠️ Warnings ⚠️ : angst, fluff, swearing, mentions of !depressive episodes!, !self harm!, !cheating!, and nothing else more than what’s mentioned in the show.

A/N: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO SO LONG. anyways, i love your requests! i’m super excited to write this omggg. if you want me to write for anybody else, let me know! i feel like i’m not giving you guys character diversity and it’s making me self conciousss. also, i’m not in any way romanticizing depression. if you’re suffering with mental health issues, i will make a separate post for hotlines and please look at therapists for your area! finally, i listened to this spotify playlist while writing, check it out!

———————————————————————

“I just don’t understand why you don’t like him!” You were furious at your parents. Your boyfriend of 3 months, Alex, had just met your parents to see if he could go on a family trip with you and let’s just say it didn’t go over well. “He seems suspicious honey! He seems like he’s hiding something and I just don’t trust him! He can’t come!” Your mom said, defensively. “You don’t know him like I do! UGH! This isn’t fair!” You stormed of to your room and slammed the door.

You pressed your back to the wall and sunk down to the floor. As you were fuming and contemplating, a sudden strike of genius hit you. If they don’t like your boyfriend now, just find someone worse to bring.

You quickly pulled out a notebook from your drawer and started writing the necessities of this terrible boyfriend.

A troublemaker. Preferably a criminal record.

A player. He’s gotta have a body count higher than 10, it will raise suspicions.

A heart breaker. Self-explanatory.

Drinks and smokes. Totally illegal.

Then, it hit you. There was one boy who perfectly fit your description: JJ Maybank. But how would you convince him?

Once you were positive your parents were asleep, you snuck off to the safe and pulled $2500 cash from it. Considering you were the wealthiest family on the island, it wasn’t noticeable. You threw on a coat and some boots and trudged out the door to where you knew he’d be.

You knocked on the door to the Chateau, hoping they weren’t asleep. A tall brunette that you’d come to know as John B. opened the door. “Can I help you?” He asked. “Is JJ busy?” You asked, half expecting him to be in the middle of a hook up. “Nah, he’s right in here. Come on in.” John B. opened the door slightly more so you could come in.

“Yo JJ! Someone’s here for you!” John B. yelled. “Tell them I’m not home!” You heard from a couple of rooms away. “A little too late for that, buddy!” You yelled and he instantly peeked around the corner. And there you stood. His crush since the 4th grade when you beat up Rafe Cameron because he was making fun of him. Not that you remembered. He came up to you and John B. left to give you a little privacy.

“What’s up, Y/N?” He asked nonchalantly like his heart wasn’t racing. You guys were pretty close friends but you barely got to see each other because of the difference in social and financial class. You couldn’t deny that you had a crush on him, but you knew it would never go anywhere. How could it? He was JJ Maybank, the lady killer, and you were just... Y/N.

“So, basically my parents hate my boyfriend and I need to use you as a fake so they’ll realize he’s not that bad compared to you.” You said. “Thanks for the compliment.” He said sarcastically. “Anyways, what’s in it for me?” You held up the wad of cash. His eyes went wide. “$2500 and a free trip. You in?” You smiled. “Hell yeah, let’s do this shit.” He said and laughed, still shocked at the amount of money you had. You held the money out to him and he grabbed it. “Thank you so much, you don’t know how much I needed this right now.” JJ said. You felt oddly happy for the blonde boy in front of you. “Alright, Meet me at 2 pm sharp with your stuff packed for 2 days.” You said. “Roger that!” He said with a salute and a smirk. You tried to hide the blush that rose to your cheeks. Maybe a week with JJ Maybank wouldn’t be too bad...

***

JJ got to your home at 2 pm with his bag packed, as promised. You introduced JJ to your parents and your father asked to have a chat with him. Of course, he knew JJ. He loved JJ, he was reliable with work and always kind towards their family. He just wanted to make sure he could take care of his daughter. “Take a seat.” JJ sat down on the couch next to your dad. “So first off, do you love my daughter?” he asked. “So much, sir. She’s perfect.” JJ said and surprisingly, he really meant it. “She is, isn’t she? What are your intentions with my daughter?” He continued. “I want her to feel loved and supported. I’ll do anything to make her happy.” Again, 100% true. “And if you break her heart...” Your dad started but JJ cut him off. “Sir, if I break her heart, you have my full permission to use a chainsaw to cut my limbs off.” Your father laughed and shook his hand. “I like you. I think you’ll be good for Y/N.” “I sure hope so.”

“He’s coming with us!” Your dad said, patting JJ’s back and heading to the car. JJ pulled you aside. “So how will we make this convincing? I promise I won’t make you do anything you aren’t comfortable doing.” JJ said, obviously flustered. “Relax, Maybank. I’ll lead so you won’t feel nervous about trying something new. Got it?” You could tell he was very nervous about this trip and you wanted this to be as comfortable for him as possible. “Gotcha.” You walked back to the car and got in.

It was an 8 hour drive from the Outer Banks to New York. Towards the end of the car ride, you fell asleep, using JJ’s lap as a pillow. He played with your hair as he admired you. “She’s so gorgeous.” He said under his breath. “Awe, aren’t you two the sweetest little things!” Your mom said and JJ blushed. “Yeah, you could say that.” He just continued looking at you with all the love in the world, even if it wasn’t returned. He just wanted to make you feel loved.

When you got to New York, it was around 10 pm. You were still tired from pulling an all-nighter the night before, so JJ gave you a piggyback ride to the hotel. He had never been to the city before so it was all very new to him. The billboards in Time Square, the street food everywhere, the gigantic buildings, it was astonishing to him. But as he felt your warm arms around his neck and you felt his calloused hands on your thighs, the world revolved around the two of you. Time felt slower. You forgot about Alex for the longest time, that was until he called you in the middle of the night and you went out into the hallway to answer.

“Really?! That Pogue over me? Are you SERIOUS right now, Y/N?!” Alex was screaming at you through the phone and you were sure that you had woken a couple rooms. “No! It’s not like that I-” He cut you off. “Don’t even deny it, you slut. We’re done. Now, I don’t have to feel guilty about sleeping with your best friend. Have fun with your new boyfriend.” He ended the call, leaving you silently sobbing in the middle of the hallway.

You suddenly heard a voice. “What’s all that noise abou- hey, hey, hey! What’s wrong, Y/N?” His voice was laced with concern and you stood up and hugged him tightly. He hugged back. “Hey, what’s up? What happened?” He said softly. You took a deep breath in. “A-Alex cheated o-on me and then broke up with m-me.” You said between sobs and he hugged you closer. “I’ll kill him, I swear to god.” He said between gritted teeth. Your parents luckily hadn’t woken up, they were in a different room.

“No, no. Can we just go to bed?” You looked up at him and his eyes softened seeing you that vulnerable. “Yeah, yeah. Come on.” He said delicately, afraid if he said it any louder, you’d break.

You guys went into the room. “Here, you can have the bed and I’ll sleep on the chair over here.” He said. “No, just sleep in the bed.” You said. “No, I’m not making you sleep on the chair.” “I was suggesting more like we just share the bed and nobody sleeps on the chair. Unless that makes you uncomfortable..” You rushed in at the end. “As long as you’re okay with it.” He said. He got in right next to you. You hesitantly inched closer. He instinctively pulled an arm around your waist and pulled you close to him so your head laid on his chest. His raspy voice spoke up. “Goodnight, Y/N.” he said quietly. “Goodnight, JJ.”

***

The next morning, you woke up next to JJ. Talk about a blessing in disguise. You looked up at him, but he was already looking down at you. His blond hair fell messily over his sun-kissed skin. He looked absolutely gorgeous. “Morning, sunshine.” He said softly. You got up and opened the window, making JJ throw his arm over his eyes. “Too bright! Too bright!” He exclaimed and you laughed at his foolishness. You looked out the window again. “Woah.” You said, admiring the view. JJ stood behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle. “I’ll say,”JJ added. But he wasn’t looking outside, he was looking at you.

“Awe, you two are so cute.” Your parents stood in the door way, and your mom held a hand to her heart, smiling. “Hi, mom! How’d you sleep?” You and JJ turned and JJ put his head where your neck met your collarbone. You nuzzled into his touch. “I slept well, and I can see you guys woke up on the right side of the bed!” Your mom giggled “Well, you definitely aren’t wrong there.” JJ said and you blushed. “Well be ready in 2 hours, we’ve got plans today!” Your mom walked out and you got ready for a shower.

JJ got ready and flopped on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t stop thinking about this morning. Those tiny little intimate moments meant a lot to him. He made the decision that he’d make a move soon. Maybe even today.

Throwing on a cropped tee, some high-waisted jean shorts, and some vans, you walked out to see JJ ready to go, lying on the bed. “Something on your mind?” you asked, sitting at the end of the bed, next to his stretched out form. “A little, but it’s chill.” JJ said, sitting up so he was next to you, shoulders touching. “Well, what’s up? You helped me last night, my turn to help you out.” You said. “I don’t know, I just kinda have a huge crush on this one girl.” JJ said, completely in love.

You felt your heart sink into your stomach. You thought that you two had something. Something that made you blush when his fingers traced your skin, something that made you crave his attention. Guess he didn’t feel the same. Nonetheless he was still your friend, so you would do anything to help him out. “Wanna talk about her?” You asked as casually as you could, trying not to show your hurt. “She’s gorgeous. So sweet and caring, always willing to help others out. Not only is she beautiful, she’s also hot as hell. I mean, damn, she is smokin’.” JJ said. “What else?” You continued. “You just don’t get it, do you?” JJ stood up, chuckling. You stood up next to him, confused.

“I don’t know what you mean-” You were cut off by JJ’s lips on yours. You sank into the kiss, throwing your arms around his neck and his falling to your waist and pulling you impossibly closer. The kiss was soft and gentle, yet full of energy and love you held for each other. You only pulled away once you needed air. You nuzzled your face into his neck and he put his chin on the top of your head. Once you caught your breath, you realized what just happened.

He shivered as your breath tickled his neck. “You’re adorable, you know that?” He said and you giggled. “I guess you don’t have to pretend in front of your parents anymore, huh?” You looked up at him. “I guess that could go for both of us, huh?” You said. “Sweetheart, I was never pretending.” He kissed you, this time better than the first. He pulled away and said “We have some time to spare before we leave, huh? Wanna watch a movie or something?” You giggled and kissed him for the third time. God, you could get used to this.

“You guys ready?” Your mom opened the door to find you asleep and JJ holding you, still awake. “She is, I just have to wake her up.” JJ said, still looking at you. “Okay, we have time so don’t feel the need to rush.” your mom said. She loved how JJ treated you. She knew he really loved you. Her mind wandered to the night she knew she wanted you two to get together.

You had fallen into a depressive episode. You were asleep in your room and your mom was sitting at the kitchen table. She was exhausted. She wanted to help you, but nothing worked. She missed you, wanted her bubbly daughter back. So she called the only person she hoped could help you. The phone rang twice before he picked up. “Good evening Mrs. Y/L/N, is everything okay?” JJ’s voice carried through the phone. “Hey JJ, I have a favor to ask. I know you and Y/N aren’t really friends, but she really needs your help right now. I don’t know how tell you, how early can you get here?” Your mom pleaded through the phone. “I’ll be there in 5.”

JJ sped to your house. He’d never admit it, but he cared about you a lot and had definitely developed a crush on you after working for your dad for so long. Of course, your mother knew this. After an encounter with his father, he’d always come to your mother. He didn’t know why he trusted her so much, but he felt like his secrets were safe with her. And they were, not even you or your father heard of his visits.

He knocked on the door and your mom answered merely seconds later. “Is she okay? She’s not hurt, is she?” JJ asked frantically. “Well, not physically I hope. She’s having an episode, it’s really bad JJ.” Your mother said, holding back tears. He wrapped her in a comforting hug. After a moment, she pulled away and pointed towards your room.

JJ quietly walked towards your room and gently knocked on the door. No answer. He quietly walked in. You weren’t there. He heard something clink lightly on the floor. “Y/N, are you in there? It’s JJ.” He heard a muffled sob and immediately burst in, not expecting what he was about to see. You were on the floor, blood trickling down your arm and a razor in your hand.

You hadn’t noticed him moving in front of you, too busy focusing on the slits in your arm. He firmly but carefully held your arm.“I’m sorry, I’m not gonna let you do that.” he grabbed the razor and threw it in the trash. You tried to reach for it, but JJ cupped your cheeks with his calloused hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I��m so sorry you think of yourself this way. I want to help, what can I do?” He asked, wiping your tears as he went. You stayed quiet. “How many hours has it been since you’ve eaten?” He asked softly. You looked so delicate, he was afraid you’d break if he spoke any louder.

He gestured for you to hold a number on your hands. You raised all 10 fingers and then 2, signaling 12 hours. “Okay, I’m gonna get you something to eat. Can you walk or do you want me to carry you down? I’m not comfortable leaving you here alone.” You held up your arms and he situated you so you were on his back, piggyback style. He was gentle and caring with you, making sure you were comfortable. He had sent your mother to bed, knowing she was tired and assured her he’d take care of you. He set you down on a stool and started looking at food options. “Okay. So our options right now are cereal, pizza, grilled cheese, or soup. What’re you feeling?” He looked to you. “Soup, please.” You looked up at JJ with weak eyes and it took everything in him to not break and pull you into his arms and never let go. No, he had to be strong for you.

He told you to go sit down in the living room and he’d be there in a minute. He pulled the can of chicken soup off the shelf and poured it in the pot. He then got a blanket, some movies, and some pretzels and shoved those in a backpack so he didn’t have to make extra trips. He grabbed the bowls of soup and walked out to the living room. He set the bowls of soup on the coffee table for a minute and opened his backpack. “Okay, so I know I can’t cure your depression. I know this won’t just be fixed with a hug and some food. But I wanna be able to help you. So every night this week, I’m gonna come over, check on you, make some food, and we can watch a movie. I’m gonna keep doing that until I know you’re okay. Sound good?” You nodded and he pulled out the blanket, pretzels, and movie options.

New York was a BIG city. You knew this, of course. But JJ had never traveled outside of the outer banks. So when you stepped out of that hotel, he saw just how big the city was. Your parents walked ahead of you and you and JJ stayed behind, holding hands and talking.

“So this morning, we’re hanging out in Times Square, which is basically the heart of New York city. On our way there, a lot of people will bump in to you. Don’t get heated, they don’t mean it, it’s just very crowded here.” He nodded and you squeezed his hand. “Second: don’t give any money to people on the side of the road, not all of them need it. I know it seems cruel, and it feels that way too. It’s just that there’s so many scammers out there that it’d be better to donate to a charity that funds housing for those people. Okay?” “Yeah, that makes more sense once you add in the charity part.” He said, following along.

“Three: you aren’t paying for anything here because 1. prices are really high in New York City and 2. I won’t let you and I don’t think my parents will either so that’s final. And don’t feel bad, I’m doing it because I care about you. And four, walk fast. There’s no time for slow pokes in New York and within 2 minutes, you’ll be a mile behind us. I have my phone, and the streets are numbered so if you do get lost, text me what streets you’re on, the corner signs should tell you. Like right now...” You pointed to the corner signs. “Let’s say you’re at 24th East and 5th South. I’ll then text you where we are and we won’t move. So let’s say we’re at 35th East and 6th South. so you’d go 11 streets east, use the compass on your phone, and one south. I’ll stay on the phone with you the whole time. But I doubt that will happen.” You held up your linked hands. “If we stay like this.” He smiles. “Good thing I like holding your hand.” He kisses the back of your hand and you kept walking.

“Tonight, we’re going to see a Broadway show. This is a musical theatre show called Hamilton.” He nodded. “I’ve seen that on Disney Plus! Kie pays for it. It’s my favorite!” He said. “I love musical theatre, though I haven’t seen it in a while. Since there’s no theatre here, I sometimes pay off the people who do outdoor movie nights to play a musical movie.” JJ says. You squeeze his hand and say “Well, you’ll enjoy this so much better.” He beamed.

You were tired from the long day, but you have to admit, it was probably the best night of your life. JJ collapsed on the bed, still beaming. You opened your bag from the disney store to toss him his blue stitch plushie (his favorite disney character) and you grabbed your matching pink one. You then grabbed your playbills, both signed by the cast, and set them on the side table next to your bed. “That was the most fun I think I’ve ever had.” He said and you giggled. “Too bad we only stayed here for a weekend.” You said. “Hey quick question.” “I’m listening” he said. “Okay so I know this sounds dumb but, what are we? Like I think I know but I just want to clarify with you.” He sat up. “Well, I never really asked but here goes. Do you want to be with me?” He asked. “Yes, yes please!” You said excitedly. He pulled you in for a kiss and your legs wrapped around his waist. Nothing sexual about it, just more comfortable. You were in love with JJ Maybank. And you couldn’t be more ecstatic!

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shinsorokiri · 4 years

Text

UA Idol | Chapter Fourteen

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 2,516

Warnings: Language, dense Shinsou and (Y/n) (the usual)

A/N: I literally love the idea of Shinsou as a singer I can’t even right now. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it was fun to write! I also am sorry I got it out like ten minutes late, I have a lot of homework and had to write a whole outline for something as well as this, so it took a teeny bit longer to find the time to upload. I hope you like it, nonetheless, and hopefully I get a moment to breathe soon so I can write all those requests I have! (All the songs I used are listed at the bottom of the post!)

For the duet, the words only italicized are sung by (Y/n), the word only bold are sung by Shinsou, and the words both bolded and italicized are sung by both of them!

───────────────────────────────────

The alarm brought you out of a great dream. But it wasn’t too bad, because the main character of the amazing dream you just got ripped out of was quite literally right in front of you. Well, more like you were literally snuggled into him. And he had you as close as possible. Huh. Maybe this wasn’t too bad. You reluctantly start to wiggle your way out of his arms, before they pull you back into him. “Where do you think you’re going?” you hear his raspy, tired voice say to you, and you can hear the small smirk on his lips. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. His voice. His sleepy confidence. What the hell. How are you supposed to just lay there and not feel things? Luckily, before you even have the chance to respond, there’s some heavy knocking on the door to your little practice room. You hear a soft groan come from Shinsou, which causes you to giggle. You don’t see it because of the dark, but he smiles to himself. He likes making you laugh.

He stands up, allowing the blanket to stay draped over you. You don’t feel all that warm without him next to you, though. He opens the door, immediately squinting and grunting at the bright light that hits his eyes. “Woah, did you two actually get some sleep and not stay up for two more hours practicing the already perfect song I’m sure you have prepared?” Denki says, shock genuine in his voice. “Yes. Did you bring us clothes?” Shinsou asks, rubbing his eyes to try and begin to adjust to the light. “Uh, yeah. Obviously. You two are going to look so good together, Denki and I low-key coordinated your outfits so they look good together but not like they’re matching, oh and by the way, the list of who all is going was put up. It looks like you two, me and Denki, and Kirishima and Bakugo are in the same group,” Mina says, she’s obviously very excited about that.

“Yeah! They did this thing where they have three duets going and then they make the decision to keep or let go of some of them or all of them or none of them or whatever, so that’s fun!” Denki gives a thumbs up, and you stand up, wrapping the blanket around you. “Okay, so when are we going?”

“Oh, uh, yeah about that. We’re going at three. We’re the first group. And you guys are the first to go out of literally everyone. Fun…?!” Mina says, and you and Shinsou both immediately snap out of your drowsy states. You both snatch the clothes, running to your respective bathrooms and changing as fast as possible. Yeah, it was only noon, and you still had sound check, so you had time to prepare but this is some serious shit. You need to be more than 100% if you expect to go further in this competition than this week. Lucky for you, Mina perfectly encapsulated the look of “Falling Cardigan,” so you were actually very pleased with her outfit selection. You walk out of the bathroom, ready to thank her when you see Shinsou. He, too, had on something that worked for the song. How did Denki and Mina do that? You and Shinsou literally told them nothing other than we picked more than one song to sing. Anyways, the wonder was pushed to the back of your mind because the man standing in front of you? Attractive. So, so attractive. So very attractive. In fact, he kind of resembled Harry Styles right now. If Harry had even wilder hair that was indigo and he was constantly tired and Japanese. Point is, he looked good.

“Wow! Look at you two! I think Denki and I did a damn good job,” Mina says, and Denki smirks. “You look like a power couple,” he says and Shinsou punches his arm. “Can you stop saying shit like that?” Shinsou says, avoiding your eyes. “Yeah, people are gonna start thinking we’re actually a couple. When we aren’t,” you say, frowning and looking away from Denki and Shinsou. “You guys do that yourselves, plenty of people already believe y’all are dating, we don’t have to do that for you,” Denki says, smirking at the two of you. Before Shinsou can hit him again, one of the producers runs up to you two and tells you that it’s time to do your soundcheck. You both head onto the stage, and talk to the stage managers, telling them exactly what you want for the performance. They fulfill your wishes and before you know it there are two pianos onstage, set up so you and Shinsou can be back to back. You sit down at one of them, with Shinsou following suit at the other piano. For soundcheck, all the two of you really need to do is play a bit of your soon to be performance and make sure that the piano’s volume and the microphone’s volume with your voices is balanced and everything technical wise can go smoothly. You two begin playing and singing, and the technicians begin working out all the kinks in the sound. And any time you need to stop and let them adjust something else, you both do it no questions asked. The soundcheck for the two of you goes very fast considering how cooperative you are with the technicians, which by the way they really appreciate because normally, the singers just kind of brush them off, but you two are being very professional. And it’s a nice change of pace from the usual type of people they get on this show. Regardless, soundcheck goes very well. Of course, there were a few hiccups on yours and Shinsou’s parts considering you hadn’t rehearsed for a few hours, but all in all it went very well, and the two of you were very excited to perform what you’d created.

The next couple of hours went by very fast, the two of you rehearsing and practicing a few more times before feeling extremely confident, and then being interviewed by the camera crew. “So how does it feel knowing you are the ones who are setting off the duet challenge?” PM asks, and you give a nervous laugh. “Well, I mean it’s exciting, but also nerve-wracking because it’s the first time anyone is ever doing the duet challenge, so yeah it’s intense,” you say, and Shinsou nods. “Of course, we’re going to do our best and hopefully impress the judges enough to get through to the next challenge,” he adds. “I bet the two of you will set the bar high, and don’t worry about the nerves. Having nerves are good because that means you actually care about what you’re doing, so if anything, saying that shows that the two of you are willing to fight to make it to the next round,” PM says, and you grin. You’d never thought of it like that before, but yeah, it makes sense. Why would you get nervous for something that you didn’t care about? Obviously, this was important to you.

After being interviewed, you and Shinsou decided to sit down for a while and relax before performing. He could tell you were nervous, so without thinking, he pulled you into a hug. You calm him down by physically touching him in some way, so he hopes that the same will work for you. I mean, he’s right. Maybe it’s not necessarily his touch, but it’s certainly something about him that just eases your mind. And yes, you’re very thankful. You just want to do well so you can showcase him and not drag him down. If anyone deserves to go through to live shows, it’s Hitoshi Shinsou. “Calm down, kitten, everything is gonna be fine,” he says as you pull away from his embrace. The gentle smile he has on his face tied with the stupid nickname he’s given you tugs at your heart, and you give him a small grin and nod. Damn. Okay, so maybe you liked him? Maybe he’s attractive? That’s not a bad thing, it’s not like its love. Love is the bad thing. Like? Completely different. And acceptable. When you like someone, your feelings for them can go away entirely. That’s not love. And that’s fine. Because love never does anything good for you. It’s a painful chase with painful results, and you’re fine in the romantically loveless life you are living. You didn’t even want to think of this man hurting you. Or of you hurting this man. You’d honestly rather die and love inevitably ends in someone getting hurt. At least your experiences with it have.

“(Y/n)? You’re kind of zoning out, are you okay?” he asks, genuine concern in his voice. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good just… nervous,” you say. And you’re telling the truth. Not only are you nervous for the performance, you’re also nervous for your blossoming feelings for him. Hopefully, they just stay in the “I like you” range and not the “I love you” range. You can do that. You can make them stay there. “Well, if you need anything, just squeeze my hand, and I’ll do what I can to help. I’m nervous too, like PM said, it’s natural for us to be nervous, but if it gets to be too much just let me know. Because I’m here for you.” Fuck, you can stay in the I like you range, just pretend he didn’t say that because that was adorable. “Thanks, Shinsou,” you say, and he gives you a smile before starting to talk about something to distract you from your nerves. What a good fuckin guy.

Before you know it, it’s time for the two of you to perform. He squeezes your hand befor you walk out onstage together, sitting at the pianos that have been arranged for the two of you. In this round, the judges are unable to talk to you or give any feedback, so the two of you just jump right in. You feel him nudge his shoulder with yours, as you’re back to back, and you feel instantly comforted. You then begin singing.

“You’d come back to me,

And you’d come back to me

And you’d come back…

Vintage tee, brand new phone,

High heels on cobblestones;

When you are young, they assume you know nothing…

Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left

But I knew you,

Dancin' in your Levi's

Drunk under a streetlight

I, I knew you

Hand under my sweatshirt,

Baby, kiss it better, right?

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

And the coffee's out

At the Beachwood Café

And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say

But I knew you

Playin' hide-and-seek and

Givin' me your weekends

I, I knew you

Your heartbeat on the High Line

Once in twenty lifetimes, I

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again

Was all we needed

You drew stars around my scars

But now I'm bleedin'

'Cause I knew you

Steppin' on the last train

Marked me like a bloodstain

I, I knew you

Tried to change the ending

Peter losing Wendy, I

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

'Cause I knew everything when I was young

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasing shadows in the grocery line

I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired

And you'd be standin' in my front porch light

And I knew you'd come back to me

You'd come back to me

And you'd come back to me

And you'd come back

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Immediately after you ended, everyone started clapping and cheering. Of course, you heard Denki and Mina screaming from backstage, and it caused you both to smile as you got up, walking over to where they were. “You two are actually crazy for even attempting that,” Denki says, and Shinsou shrugs. “What artist is entirely sane?”

“Touché,” Denki says, giving him a finger gun before he and Mina walk out together onstage. “You did really, really good,” you say to him and he grins. “You did better. I thought you were actually about to start crying, not gonna lie.”

“No way, I thought you were actually gonna start crying!” He chuckles, shaking his head at you while you smile at him. “Guess that means we killed it?” he suggests, and you grin. “I guess so,” you say, and he smiles at you. “I didn’t know those two song would sound so good together! That’s crazy, how did you guys figure that out?!” Kirishima whisper screams to the two of you and Shinsou shrugs. “I was playing the piano for Falling and (Y/n), being the genius that she is, started singing Cardigan. It just kind of… flowed after that.”

“Yeah, well I can’t even pretend it wasn’t fucking good and cool. Good job, losers,” Bakugo says, his arms crossed while Kirishima is beaming at the two of you. How… was their relationship even real? You were pulled out of your disbelief when you heard Denki and Mina start, and whew, the mood went from wow I’m sad to wow I’m horny in .5 seconds flat. They did extremely well, as expected, and then Bakugo and Kirishima go, and their voices are just heavenly together. Not to mention how cute it was that they sang Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Altogether, your song tones went from heartbreak, to horny, to pure love, and that is just… hilarious. The six of you were then instructed to go onstage while the judges made their decision. It took… barely any time for them to speak to each other before they all turned to you. “This may be the easiest decision we will make today. All six of you did an amazing job. And Shinsou and (Y/n), we’ve never seen anyone do what you did in this entire competition. Ever. So good job there by making yourselves stand out while also performing a song that’s already come out,” Keigo says, and Midnight grins. “All six of you are going onto the next round.”

───────────────────────────────────

Song list:

(Y/n) & Shinsou | Falling Cardigan - Harry Styles & Taylor Swift (CosmicMashups on YouTube)

Mina & Denki | break up with you’re girlfriend, i’m bored - Ariana Grande

Kirishima & Bakugo | Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

46 notes · View notes

selfcareparker · 3 years

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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amyscascadingtabs · 4 years

Text

look now, the sky is gold

He wants this, has longed for this, and he already can’t wait to meet whoever’s growing in there, but he’s scared, too. There’s no turning back now. His world is about to be forever changed, and it will never be just him and Amy again. There will be someone else depending on them, always another person in the back of their heads, and it's slowly hitting Jake that he's about to get onto what is sure to be simultaneously the best and most terrifying rollercoaster of his life.

or, the jake peralta way of dealing with the news that you're going to be a dad.

read on ao3

(thank you to my love @johnny-and-dora for cheering me on about this and major thanks to @amydancepants-peralta for reading through it for me!!)

____________________________________________________

During the months they were trying, Jake pictured his reaction to a positive pregnancy test many times.

Each time Amy took one, he’d either sat with her and held her hand, or waited outside the bathroom quietly twiddling his thumbs. Each month, he’d thought of what his reaction would be if the test came back with the two lines meaning pregnant. Maybe he’d laugh, or kiss her, or make a dope sextape joke that she'd punch him in the arm for. There were plenty of options, yet he never considered the reaction that occurs when Amy does fish the familiar white and pink plastic stick out of the pocket of her hoodie.

First, there's the surprise, the realization that this test has two lines and not one.

Then, there's the piecing together, looking from the test to Amy's tear-filled eyes and nervous smile in sheer disbelief.

Then it's the part where even though he thinks he understands, he asks to make sure, and his voice trembles when he says the word baby? and Amy confirms it and suddenly he's tearing up, too, giving in to the sudden need to wrap her in a tight hug.

“Is this real?” He whispers as she sniffles into his hoodie. “You're… this is really happening?”

“I think it is,” she laughs, a little timid, and he wants to hug her even tighter. Then he wonders if he's supposed to be extra careful with his wife now when she’s carrying the beginning of a brand new person inside of her, and stops himself.

“You did it,” he says instead, and she nods. His shirt is becoming wet from her crying, but he doesn’t mind it. He's missed her happy tears. “You did it, Ames.”

“We did it,” she mumbles, and Jake thinks about holding her hand at the doctor’s appointment, sitting there listening to the fertility consultant explain what medications she needed to take. He’d felt useless, not knowing how to help except staying by her side. “Me and you together.”

Mostly you, he wants to say, because it was always hardest on her, but she pulls away from him smiling so wide, and he nods.

“Okay. Me and you.”

Amy claims she’s exhausted, so they go to bed early even though neither has work tomorrow. Jake finishes the game - he loses, but it’s okay because he's untouchable right now and Wario cheats anyway - and then crawls down under his side of the comforter, waiting for his wife.

Amy comes out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel and underwear, and he’s mesmerized by her as he watches her pull the familiar blue NYPD t-shirt over her head, fabric sliding over the still mostly flat stomach.

He thinks about how this body he knows so well and loves so much is carrying the beginning of another life inside of it. It's hard to understand how it can still look the same, no obvious changes in its appearance, when it must be changing more than ever on the inside. He wonders how long it'll be before the outside catches up. Part of him can’t wait for it to; maybe it'll feel more real then, once he can see it happening. Plus, he's already certain Amy’s going to look cute as hell with a real baby bump. He’s excited.

“I'm too tired for sex,” she warns him when she catches him staring, and he holds up his hands, feigning innocence.

“No worries. I mean, we don't even have any pressure now, right? Already made the baby,” he points out, and she chuckles as she gets under the covers.

“We did. Without a war-room calendar and everything.”

“Just love,” he muses.

“And a little bit of hormones, possibly.”

“Love and a little bit of hormones, title of our sextape.”

“I love you,” she whispers, and he can't stop himself from pulling her closer, making her giggle as he presses feather-light kisses to her neck. “I can't believe this is real life.”

“We're having a real-life baby.”

“Hopefully.” Amy bites her lip. “I mean, it's still early. We shouldn't be telling people for another month or two, in case something happens.” Her voice shakes on the last word, but Jake hushes her.

“Let's not think about that, okay? Let's just be happy for right now.”

She gives him another faint smile. “Okay. Right now.”

“And right now you're pregnant.”

“Right now I'm pregnant.” Her eyes gleam. “Holy fuck.”

“Woah, using foul language in front of our unborn child? Shame on you, Santiago - shame.”

“They're a five-week embryo. They don't have ears yet.”

“Right, right. But they exist,” he says, still trying to comprehend it. “Because we're having a baby.”

“We are,” she nods, and this time the smile on her face is radiant, making up for every instance he’s seen her crying in the last months.

He’s not sure what time he wakes up the next morning, but Amy's not awake yet, so he figures it must be early. She's drifted away from him during the night, and he moves closer, aching to be near her.

She’s sleeping on her right side with her mouth open slightly and her hair spread out on the pillow, and Jake wonders if it’s possible pregnancy is making her glow already. He reaches out to wrap an arm around her, but is stopped in his tracks when he notices that her left hand is resting on her stomach as if to protect the tiny life growing in there.

He has to swallow hard to keep himself from crying again. This is not the time to have a breakdown, because his wife is finally pregnant and he has to keep it together for her sake, but with the boundless happiness has come an edge of fear and something else.

It’s a feeling he can’t put words on yet, but it’s spreading from deep in his heart to every capillary in his body, filling him with an immediate, acute awareness that he would do anything in the world to make sure the child growing in there is safe. The thought of something happening to Amy has been his worst fear for a long time, ever since he had to leave his post in Texas so she could do her job without him hovering over her and being worried sick, but this feels different. This is instinctual. Jake doesn’t know anything about this child yet, isn’t sure if what he feels for them counts as love when it’s so new and uncertain, but he knows deep in his soul that he’d give up everything to keep them safe.

Carefully, as to not wake his soundly sleeping wife, he lifts the comforter and leans down so he’s facing her stomach. He presses a kiss to her hand, and then lets his rest on top of hers, linking their fingers together. Amy smiles in her sleep. Jake allows himself another moment of just watching her, wondering how on Earth he got so lucky, before he gets out of bed and pads into the bathroom.

He’s washing his hands when he notices the pregnancy test still resting on the counter next to the sink. Amy threw away all the negative ones, and he’s taken aback by seeing this one on full display before realizing it makes total sense for her to want to save it. He wonders where they’ll put it - it seems weird to make a shrine for a piece of plastic someone’s peed on, but it also feels wrong to leave the first evidence of the existence of their child forgotten in a drawer somewhere. He picks it up for a second and balances it in his hand. The two lines are as clear as they were yesterday, and just looking at them makes him jittery with excitement and a little bit of nerves.

He needs a distraction. Amy’s probably going to wake up soon, and he could always try to make them breakfast. This is something worth celebrating with real, unhealthy pancakes, served with an excessive amount of butter and syrup and possibly some strawberries if Amy forces him. Jake finds the pancake mix, hidden deep inside the cupboard still filled with gross healthy stuff like oat bran and sunflower seeds, and is about to get milk and an egg from the fridge when he notices something.

On the second shelf in their fridge is a small piece of some weird, but surprisingly good, cheese Charles gave them. Next to it is a package of cream cheese, and next to that are two bags of mozzarella and a piece of regular gouda. Jake remembers reading somewhere about all this stuff you're not supposed to eat when you're pregnant, and he's almost certain the list included a bunch of cheeses. He can't remember which ones, but just to be certain, he throws out the one from Charles, the first of the mozzarella bags, and then he throws out the gouda and the cream cheese too just in case. He sees a packet of bacon and vaguely remembers something about deli meats being another no-no. He's not sure what counts as deli meats, but he throws out a packet of turkey lunch meat and the bacon as well. Surely, they can't be too safe, and he wants - needs - to protect his pregnant wife and their child in every possible way. He wants to do his best and he wants to start today. If throwing out all their cold cuts is one way, then Jake is doing it. Maybe he should pour out all their alcohol too, that he knows is dangerous, or at least hide it for the following nine months -

“Babe, what are you doing?”

He freezes with the second bag of mozzarella still in his hand, turning around to meet the befuddled gaze of his wife.

“Uh -”

“Why are you throwing out everything in our fridge?” Amy has thrown on one of his hoodies and her hair’s in a messy top knot, but she still manages to give off one hell of an authoritative vibe when her brows furrow and she's looking at him like he just explained he was getting ready to compete in the next Summer Olympics.

“I thought…” He nods to her stomach and then to the cheese in his hand. “Pregnant people aren't supposed to eat a bunch of stuff, right? I’ve heard this stuff about cold cuts and cheeses, and then I wasn't sure which ones, so…”

“So you threw everything out?”

“Yeah,” he confesses, sheepishly. “Better safe than sorry?”’

Amy sighs. “Jake, you’re majorly overreacting.”

“I am?”

“The recommendations for cheese and deli meats are there to avoid getting listeria, which you’re more susceptible to in pregnancy, and which can also harm the baby. But pretty much everything is sprayed with food additives today, so the risk is low, and the bacteria dies if you heat it up. For cheese, you just have to avoid the unpasteurized ones.” She grabs the mozzarella from his hand, reading at the back. “This is pasteurized. Most cheeses are. So the only thing you’re doing is creating food waste.”

“I didn’t know for sure,” he shrugs, backing away and looking down at his feet as Amy puts back the cheese in their fridge before closing it. “I thought - I wanted to do this right.”

She squints. “What do you mean?”

“I have to start being a dad now, right? And I want to,” he rambles quickly. “Fuck, I can’t wait, okay? But…” He gestures to her stomach again, swallowing hard. “You’re doing everything, and I wanted to help. Start being a good dad right away.”

There’s a moment’s silence. Amy bites her lip, her eyes narrowing again, and he realizes she’s tearing up.

“Oh, honey,” she sniffles, and then she throws her arms around him without warning and hugs him tight. Jake hugs her back, stroking her hair. She’s been crying so much lately, it’s becoming second nature, but this time she pulls back after a couple of seconds and wipes away the tears with the sleeves of the hoodie before looking him right in the eyes.

“Please listen to me when I say this. You are a good dad, okay? You’ll be amazing. I hate to tell you this, but you can’t exactly be pregnant for me.”

“I know that,” he scoffs, a little indignant. Amy shakes her head, holding her hands on his shoulders.

“This kid is the size of an apple seed right now. An apple seed. We haven’t even known about their existence for twenty-four hours yet. What I’m trying to say is we don't have to clean out our entire fridge yet, babe.”

“I want to protect them,” he mumbles. “Make sure they're safe. It feels like the closest thing to that I can do is try to protect you.”

“I’ll make sure we throw out all the stuff I can't have,” she promises him calmly. “I’ll make a list in the binder of what I can't eat or do and I’ll follow it to a T. But you have to trust me, Jake.”

“Of course I trust you. It's not that.” He grimaces, taking a deep breath. “I could never deal with anything happening to you. And now, if it does, it's also happening to our child, and that makes it worse, Ames! I’m just...”

“Feeling a little overprotective?”

“Yeah!”

She giggles, which makes him feel kind of stupid, but then she stands on the tip of her toes and kisses him something sweet and lingering, and he figures he can’t have made too detrimental of a mistake. She smiles as she pulls back, and it’s such a safe smile, one saying I know you and it will be okay all at once. It’s easy to return it.

“Babe, I can protect myself. And until this child is born,” she says, moving her right hand to rest above his heart, “I promise to do everything in my power to protect them, too. I’ll go on desk duty, I won’t as much as touch a drop of alcohol, and I’ll try to stress less. Hell, I’ll drink decaf coffee for the next nine months for the sake of this baby.”

“Woah.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Save your applause. Point is, babe, I’ll keep them safe. Can you trust me to do that?”

He doesn’t have to think about his answer for long. In the eleven years he’s known the woman standing in front of him, he’s learned a lot about her. She’s the best person he knows - smart, brave, motivated and hard-working as hell - and on top of that, she’s fiercely loyal. Amy cares for the people around her, genuinely cares in a way that goes much further than sending the whole precinct Christmas cards or remembering every single one of her nieces’ and nephews’ birthdays.

Amy cares, and a lucky selection of people, she loves. Jake’s always seen it as the greatest honor of his life to get to be loved so deeply by her, and much like he confessed a late evening on their honeymoon when they recited their actual vows to each other, he plans on spending every day of their lives together trying to be worthy of it.

Amy loves, and the people she loves, she would go to the ends of the Earth to protect. There’s not a sliver of doubt in his mind about it, and the longer he thinks about it, the more certain he feels about two things.

First and foremost, that Amy will love their baby to pieces. If there’s one thing Jake’s looking forward to even more than meeting their baby himself, it’s getting to see the look in Amy’s eyes when she holds them for the first time. He already knows it will drive his heart crazy.

Secondly, he knows she’ll protect them. Amy’s a protector, always looking out for the people she loves, and even though she’ll roll her eyes at him when he does something decidedly harebrained, like hiding in a ceiling for a frivolous squad competition and breaking his ribs falling from it, she’s also the one insisting on driving him to the ER later. If she’s willing to love and look after him in that way, then Jake figures her level of commitment to protecting their child will be immeasurable.

Jake trusts Amy to keep their baby safe. He trusts her so much, he’d be willing to bet their car and apartment and everything else Amy’s told him he’s absolutely forbidden to bet, on it. His insecurities are rooted in the fact that he wants to protect this child, too, but aside from protecting Amy, he has no idea how to go about it for the upcoming nine months.

“I trust you,” he says, voice steadfast, and Amy looks pleased. “That's not the problem.”

“Good. So what is?”

“What should I do? Except wait impatiently for them to be born so I can help out?”

“Well,” she shrugs, “you could just keep doing what you're already doing.”

“What?”

“Being my partner,” Amy says calmly, eyes piercing into his. “Which you’re already great at. You can just be here, hug me when these crazy-ass hormones make me cry, listen and talk me down when I get anxious. All I want is for you to be by my side for this, as much as you can.”

“Hold your hair when you throw up, buy you a bunch of crazy food when you get cravings, always be available for sex whenever you reach the point in pregnancy when women get super horny?”

“Okay, slow down.” She rolls her eyes. “We don't know if any of that is going to happen yet. I haven't exactly done this before.”

“Point is I’ll do all of those things if you need me to,” he grins. “Of course I’ll be your partner, Ames. You don't have to ask. But I… I want to do everything I can for our baby.”

She strokes his cheek, reaching up to give him a chaste kiss. “Which is how I know you're going to make the greatest dad on Earth. But for now, babe, they don't need you yet.”

“Ouch.”

Amy laughs. “They’ll need you in nine months, and for the rest of their life after that. If you want to do what’s best for them, I’d suggest keeping yourself safe until then, and I’ll take care of us. Myself, and this wished-for, crazy loved little apple seed.”

He looks down at her stomach again as she says that, trying to imagine a tiny bump there. All he can procure in his head is the giant fake belly from her undercover mission in Texas, but he figures his frame of reference will grow soon enough.

“And once they gain a sense of hearing”, Amy continues, “you can start talking to them if you want. If you do, the books say they’ll recognize your voice once they’re born. You can come with me to all the appointments, maybe read some parenting books, and I’ll let you order the Die Hard-onesie and baby sneakers I know you’ve been eyeing online. We’re doing this together. I’m just going to do a bit more of it in the beginning. Okay?”

He places his hand over the one that’s on his heart, moving them both to her lower abdomen and nodding. “Yeah. Okay.”

“I love you,” she whispers, another tear already trailing down her cheek. Jake wipes it away with his thumb.

“I love you too.”

They stand together for a moment, just hugging. It’s all he needs to feel a little more relaxed. He’s still certain he’s in for the wildest rollercoaster ride of his life, but Amy’s words and presence, the knowledge that he’s doing every step with her, is the over-the-shoulder harness to make sure he’s sitting safely for every second of it. The worry and fear of not doing enough is still there, but her trust in him makes it subdued.

“How are you so chill about this?” He asks when they separate, Amy getting a glass of water for herself before taking a smaller one and extending it to him.“Oh my god, Ames - has having my genome inside of you corrupted you?”

Amy snorts with laughter, spitting out water over herself and the sink. “That is so not how any of this works,” she gets out, coughing slightly.

“It’s not?”

“Not by a long shot. Anyway - you want to know why I’m calm?” Jake nods.

“Because I’m with you. I mean,” she says, folding her hands together and focusing her gaze at them. “Also because it’s super early. Honestly, I’m not sure I trust that it’s happening yet. I guess I need to have blood work done to confirm it, and I don’t know if I’ll fully believe it until we have an ultrasound and we can hear a heartbeat, but… a lot of it is because I know I’m doing this with you.” She looks up at him, a careful but firm smile on her lips. “So I know that no matter what happens, it’s going to be okay. Somehow.”

“We’re having a baby,” he whispers, and her smile grows wider.

“We’re having a baby.”

He’s not sure who closes the distance between them, or who kisses who first. All he knows is he lets himself get lost in it, immersing himself in the feeling of her lips on his, insistent and wanting, her arms around his shoulders, her legs wrapping around his waist when he lifts her so she’s sitting on the kitchen island. He pulls at the hem of her t-shirt, but she’s there before him, pulling it over her head and giving a meaning nod to signal at him to take off his own.

They end up in the bedroom, because as useful as their kitchen island can be, it always gives one of them a backache the next day and the bedroom is easier, full stop. The bedroom lets him worship her in another way, lets him do it slowly, devote his entire focus to the sounds she’s making instead of worrying about losing his balance. And he wants to worship her; maybe now more than ever, because he’s still trying to make up for the disaster that was the end of those six months, but also because he’s never been so certain that his wife is magic. She’s doing something extraordinary, and he wants to show her how much he loves her for it, loves her for what she’s willing to go through to grow their family.

He doesn’t know how much time passes - the duration slots on their war room calendars have become but a memory he’s happy to leave behind - but after, Amy curls into his side and rests her head on his arm. He plays with her hair, pressing soft kisses to the top of her forehead, and he can’t remember the last time he felt so at peace.

“Promise me one thing,” she mumbles in his ear, and he nods.

“Anything.”

“You are not allowed to become one of those men who become afraid to have sex with their pregnant wife because you think you’re going to poke the baby’s head.”

He gives her a haunted look. “I wasn’t going to until you pointed it out!”

“It’s not a thing! They’re well protected in there, and they won’t have a clue what’s happening anyway! So - not allowed.”

“Noted,” he mutters, trying to erase the picture from his head. Amy giggles, pecking his lips with a kiss.

“Great. So what are we doing today, to celebrate?”

“Well, I was trying to make pancakes, before I got distracted -”

“You want to go out to breakfast? As a family?”

The last word makes his heart flutter. “Okay.”

They end up going out to their favorite diner. Jake can’t help but make note of how many parents with their kids are there. He wonders if it’s an unusual amount today, or if he just never made note of them before. It doesn’t matter, because they bring up the same thought anyway; how soon, the couple who are trying to make their toddlers look up from the iPad long enough to be fed bites of toast could be him and Amy, or even sooner, the couple who takes turns eating and exchanging a fussing infant between them.

In the booth opposite theirs, two women are having breakfast while a ginger baby in a baby chair happily plays with a paper straw. Just as Jake is starting to wonder if he’s creepy for not being able to look away, the kid makes eye contact with him, grins and waves the chewed-up straw at him. Jake picks up his own from his drink, waving it back. The kid laughs at him, and Jake feels his heart melt in a way it’s never done with a stranger’s baby before.

“I can’t wait to take our kid here,” he tells Amy as he’s pouring syrup over his pancakes, and she shoots him a smile over the edge of her decaf-coffee cup.

“Me either.”

After breakfast, they stop at their neighborhood’s Target, because Amy wants the digital tests that say the word Pregnant and Jake wants to stock up on snacks so they can have a slug day with movies in bed. This time, the aisle of baby clothes doesn’t hurt to walk past, and after they’ve done so, he finds himself suggesting they’ll turn around.

They browse through little onesies and pants and hats with ears on them, pointing out their finds to each other with equal excitement. Eventually, they settle on footed pajamas with a pattern of grey stars - gender-neutral, soft, and even tinier than he imagined they’d be - and Jake tries to picture their child wearing them. It doesn’t seem completely real to him yet, but he says it to Amy anyway, and then he has to hug her when she starts crying again.

“These are happy tears,” she whispers, clutching the item between them. “Stupid hormones.”

“I know,” he laughs, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay.”

He still feels a little worthless thinking about everything his wife is going through, a little powerless and wishing there was more he could do, but he holds her as she’s crying in the baby clothing aisle of Target and thinks that if this is the best way he can protect her and their kid for now, he’ll gladly spend the rest of his days doing it.

(A month later, when he’s holding the first sonogram picture of their fetus in his hand and the sound of their ticking heartbeat is forever imprinted in his head, he knows it for certain.)

#my writing #b99 #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine-nine #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #brooklyn 99 fic #brooklyn nine-nine fic #b99 fanfiction #brooklyn nine-nine fanfiction #jake x amy fic #jake x amy fanfiction #peraltiago fic #peraltiago fanfiction

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sinceyouaskedme · 4 years

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Thoughts on The College Tapes episode 13:

(Heads up: this episode contained a lot of content focused on the Adam/Caleb break up. Skip this post if you’re not ready to read about that right now.)

How would we classify Beck’s ability? If it’s not tied to what the person actually remembers, but is more objective, than it’s not a psychic ability. Would we say it’s dimensional? It’s time...something. Not time-travel, but time-viewing? I’m curious how this would work on Sam.

[deep breath] Okay, this huge memory montage of the slow decay of the Adam/Caleb relationship. Woah boy, how do I even talk about this?

First I want to say it is truly excellent that Caleb’s talent for derailing the main plot with his relationship drama has now transcended the barriers of space and time. Love that for all of us.

Also want to pull out at the top here the thing memory!Adam said about getting face time with authors. Does Adam want to be an author? I want to know more about that, I don’t think we’ve ever heard him say anything about his writing aspirations before!

God, the way Adam was CONSTANTLY checking in to make sure Caleb could still feel his love hit me like a knife to the gut. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a person so consistently say and do absolutely everything right and get nothing at all in return the way Adam did in these memories. There was literally no way for him to win. When Adam was happy, Caleb shut down, and when Adam tried to get Caleb to open up about it, Caleb put more distance between them, and when Adam tried to reassure Caleb that that was fine and he still loved him, Caleb decided to walk away. Fuck.

I thought before that Caleb had ended the relationship because he felt Adam doubting that he (Adam) loved Caleb, but that’s wrong. Adam’s love for Caleb never wavered. What happened is that Adam trusted Caleb when he said he could feel Adam’s love, but Adam also saw that the relationship was falling apart, and so he came to the correct conclusion that his (Adam’s) love wasn’t enough to keep them together without Caleb doing his part - and what Caleb felt was Adam’s doubt that Caleb was willing/able to do that part. And then Caleb proved him right by breaking up with him.

I’m trying not to be angry with Caleb about any of this, because the ugly reality is that sometimes a person just develops a mental illness and it fucks them up hard enough that they don’t have the capacity to sustain interpersonal relationships the way they want to, and that’s nobody’s fault! (Same hat! We’ve all been there!) But I also can’t stop thinking about how different this all would have been if Caleb had at any point managed to just….tell Adam the truth about what was happening. It didn’t even have to be the whole truth! If he had just managed to say that his ability was being weird and he couldn’t rely on it the way he used to, I really believe Adam would have worked with him on that, would have helped him get help, would have figured out a way for them to get through it together. It didn’t have to get this bad. God, I’m so sad. I’m _so sad_

Oof, the line during the breakup scene where Adam was like “Yeah, I haven’t been depressed in a while because I finally got my meds figured out” and you can hear him thinking “but this is gonna screw that up - oh fuck, am I gonna have to adjust meds /again/?”. I felt that.

Anyway, if Mark really knew the whole time everything that was going on and he at no point forced Caleb to tell Adam the truth, then he’s a shitty friend. I think I’m going to choose to ignore that he knew, because his failure to intervene in a useful way here feels inexcusable.

[deep breath] great, that’s done, let’s talk about literally anything else now

Beck immediately understanding that Mark’s ability was probably difficult and overwhelming was nice. He sounds soft. And he’s hot? I like him for Mark. I’m making this my Mark ship for this series.

The full effects of the serum Mark took in TAMA weren’t permanent, but it did permanently make Mark’s ability duller. IDK exactly what that means but :/

I don’t understand what’s happening with the secret societies. The Vafi infiltrated Sodalis, which Beck thought was shut down but isn’t? Is Blackwell with Sodalis or Vafi? Or are they the same thing now? Who kidnapped Ben? Am I supposed to know who Neal is? Y’all, I’m so tired of this plot.

This Mark/Damien memory scene was so good, but hearing Mark talk like he really believed Sam was a coma figment made my heart ache </3 Also when Mark asked Beck which memory of Damien he had seen, Mark sounded really scared. Man, that summer really hurt this poor guy something fierce. The rest of this conversation is kind of hard for me to follow because I haven’t read AND, but I will say I would love more of Mark pestering Beck for details on Damien’s history.

If I knew anything at all about Beck tbh I think I’d be writing the fic where he pulls all the scariest memories of Damien (during the road trip summer and Safe House) from Mark and/or Caleb and/or Adam, and slowly pieces them all together while also slowly falling in love with Mark maybe idk idk don’t look at me, this ship already feels like a bad idea but I’m accidentally immediately super into it

#the college tapes #the college tapes spoilers #m

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jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets · 4 years

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Pas De Deux - Chapter 3 (End)

Title: Pas De Deux

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Destiel

Rating: not really needed for this fluff lol

Tags: fluff, pretty much just a whole lot of fluff XD

Summary: Dean is a closeted ballet dancer, and Cas is playing the Nutcracker Prince in the Kansas State Ballet. When the ballet loses their Clara and Cas confronts Dean about taking the part along side him, will he be able to put aside his fears and let everyone know who he really is? All to help the man of his dreams?

MASTERLIST

AO3

*** My works are not to be posted on any sites without my permission! But comments and reblogs are love! <3 Please and thanks!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Three

He woke up to the sun blasting through a crack in his curtains, hitting him perfectly across the eyes. He rubbed his face as he slowly sat up in bed, feeling a bit better then he had when he first came home, and wondered how long he had slept. Looking at the clock and seeing it was now after nine, and he had managed to get a decent few hours sleep, he decided to head down to the kitchen and see who was up. Sam was usually an early bird and most times already had breakfast ready by the time Dean decided to roll down stairs.

When he got there Sam was in the kitchen, showered, dressed, and stirring a pot of spaghetti sauce he was making for dinner. And just as Dean had expected, there was a fresh pot of coffee made and a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast waiting for him on the counter.

He walked over and sat down on one of the stools at the island, watching Sam as he ate, "Where's Mom?"

"Around somewhere," he answered, as he turned and placed a cup of coffee in front of Dean, "she was up before I was today."

He nodded and focused on finishing his food, then thanked Sam before heading through the house to go find their mom. He walked down the hall and heard the slam of the dryer door in the laundry room, so he took a hard right and found her inside. Though his smile instantly dropped when he saw her, his entire body froze, and every limb hummed with anxiety while all he could do was stare at his mom, holding two things in her hands staring at them in confusion.

The first was the tickets Dean had been given by the directors of the ballet, the ones that were meant for her and Sam. The second… was Dean's tights.

"Mom…" He finally managed to breathe out, and she turned to look at him.

"Dean, what… what is this? Are they yours?"

"Why do you have those? Why were you in my bag?"

"You were sleeping, and I saw your bag on the washing machine," she tried to speak calmly, not wanting Dean to freak out, seeing he was clearly on the brink of a meltdown, "I figured since you seemed so tired lately I would do your laundry for you. But what is this? Are you… are you in this show?"

He was pretty much in tears now, he was so scared. He wanted to do this differently, he wanted to tell them on his own terms, when he felt ready, not have his mom find out on her own because he forgot he left his bag on the washing machine. "I forgot I left my bag here. I… I…"

Mary just calmly reached out and took Dean by the shoulders, gently guiding him to the kitchen and sitting him at the table. She sat across from him, staring helplessly at him as he just placed his head on his hands, fingers wringing tightly in his hair, knuckles white.

"Woah," Sam dropped the wooden spoon on the counter with a clatter and practically ran around the counter to sit beside Dean at the table, "what's going on?!"

"Dean, talk to us, Honey," Mary tried to get him to look up but he wouldn't budge, "Were those tights yours?"

"Tights?!" Sam looked between them.

"I… I couldn't tell you." He shook his head, hands still over his eyes, "I was afraid."

"Tell us what, Dean,?" Sam tried this time, placing a hand on Dean's shaking shoulder.

"Why not, Honey?"

"Dad…" He finally lifted his head slightly out of his hands, wiping the tears that had smudged all over his face now, though still not making eye contact with anyone. "Dad would never want me to be the person I am, he would be disappointed."

"Disappointed about what, Dean?!" Sam moved to get into Dean's eye line but he quickly darted his eyes away. "You're a great person, why would anyone be disappointed in you? What could you have done that's so wrong?"

Dean just shook his head and closed his eyes, the sobs coming back a little harder now. Mary reached over the table and managed to get ahold of one of his to squeeze it comfortingly. "Tell Sam, it's okay."

"I…" He tried to look at Sam but he couldn't. He was afraid that just because his dad was gone and he couldn't see the look of disappointment on his face, he still might see it on Sam's. But he forced it out anyways, since there was no going back now, "I… dance."

"Okay," Sam shrugged his bottom lip and shook his head, seemingly unfazed, "I still don't understand why you're crying though. Lots of people dance, many of them are amazingly talented, so why are you so upset?"

"But I'm a ballet dancer, Sam! Not some crazy cool hip hop dancer that you're probably thinking of, no, I dance around the stage in girly tights!" He slammed a fist down on the table, making Sam jump a little. "And the tickets Mom found in my bag, along with my tights, were for the performance I am going to be in. I am part of the Kansas State Ballet's rendition of The Nutcracker."

"You… you dance ballet?" Sam smiled a bit at the thought, "Dean Winchester, the manliest man of all men to ever man, dances ballet?"

"This is exactly why I didn't say anything," Dean just shook his head and wiped away more stray tears, "Dad would have killed me if he ever found out that I loved ballet, let alone taught myself the skill. He wanted me to be the manly man that everyone knows and thinks I am, not some pansy dancing around the stage in tights."

"But, Dean, that's awesome!" Dean turned to Sam, a little startled. "Ballet’s actually one of the most intense dance forms out there! It's so powerful, and moving. And the fact that you taught yourself the art, and are a part of a state ballet group, is something that a lot of classically trained dancers could never even come close to be able to do!"

"But… Dad-"

“Your father is gone now, Honey, has been for four years," she gave his hand a squeeze again, and this time she managed to catch his eye, "you have to stop looking over your shoulder and expecting him to be there. It's only holding you back. He would have been proud of you no matter what, he loved you."

"Would he still be proud if he knew I wore tights and danced in pointe shoes?"

Mary shrugged, "He might have been a little sad that you didn't want to follow in his footsteps and fall into sports, but he would have supported you regardless. I know he seemed like a hardened man, but he loved you boys. And now it's time for you to just let go of that past and be yourself, Dean.”

Dean shook his head vigorously, gasping out, "I can't,"

“You can.” She assured him in her most firm mom voice she could muster.

"You don't understand!" Dean nearly screamed, "It is hardwired into my brain that I shouldn't be this way! I should be covered in dirt sliding across a baseball diamond, or sweating through my gear on the ice, not dancing in skin tight outfits and sparkles. He would hate me, he would hate everything I am!"

"No he wouldn't," she said softly and shook her head, "but that doesn't matter anymore, Dean, this is your time to be you, and I wish you would have told me sooner rather than suppressing this obvious passion. I want you to be happy, Dean, and if ballet is it for you then that is perfectly fine! Just be you, please, Honey.”

He didn't say anymore after that. Just sat at the table for most of the day, contemplating everything that his mom and brother had said, and what he was going to do about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was their last rehearsal before they would open to the public. Opening night was right around the corner. Everyone was a cluster of excitement and nerves, buzzing around the theater, the knowledge that their tickets had sold out seconds after being released was making the atmosphere even more intense. The entire cast was reeling, well, everyone except Dean. He still hadn't shown up at the theater yet, he was almost an hour late for the rehearsal, and Cas was starting to get worried. Along with others.

"Have you heard from him, Castiel?" Cas just shook his head at a worried Chuck from center stage, "Has anyone heard from Dean?!"

He ran through the theater, asking everyone about Dean as the rest of the cast waited patiently on stage. Cas just stood there alone, worried, waiting along with everyone else, his body tingling with fear that maybe Dean wasn't coming back. Maybe this was it, maybe he had decided he didn't want this anymore, or his family didn't want it.

He listened to the hushed conversations around him, trying to focus on that for a moment, but that didn't help. For the very first thing he heard was one of the female dancers saying to another, “I overheard him saying yesterday that he was going home to tell his family about the show, he was worried it wouldn’t go over well. I hope everything’s okay.”

And if Castiel's heart wasn't already in his feet. But then suddenly pounding footsteps came from Castiel's right and he turned to see Dean bouncing across the stage to stand next to him. "I'm here, sorry I'm so late!"

Both Chuck and Metatron breathed hard sighs of relief and said, “Oh thank heavens!”

"I just had some things to clear up back home, I'm really sorry!" The directors both waved him off, just thankful their other star was still here. Then he turned his attention to Cas at his side and smiled, a little twinkle in his eye as he said only to him, "I'm ready for this, I'm ready to just be me."

"Shall we get this final rehearsal on the road then?!" Metarton waved his hands in the air and everyone started running around them. "Places people, places!"

Cas walked over with a matching smile to Dean’s and took both his hands in his own. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to, neither of them did. So instead he just lifted Dean's hands to his mouth, placed a gentle kiss on the knuckles of each hand, and then moved back to get in his place. The whole time the two of them never took their eyes off one another, even as the orchestra started playing their final dance.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was finally opening night and Dean had never been so god damn nervous in his entire life. He was currently standing backstage in full costume, peeking out the curtain at the completely full seats, people packing into the theater, and his heart was pounding out of his chest. Then he looked to the front row and saw his mom and Sam, sitting in the seats given to them by the directors, and then both Chuck and Metatron waltzed through the orchestra to introduce themselves to them. That made his nerves even worse, he was sure his heart was going to pop out of his chest and explode, and he had the sudden urge to whip off his pointe shoes and get the hell outta dodge. But then there were hands on his shoulders, rubbing up and down his arms, steadying and grounding. "Cas," he breathed and leaned back.

"You're nervous," he whispered into Dean's ear as he leaned impossibly closer to Cas.

He nodded, "Sammy's here, and my mom, talking to Chuck and Metatron," he let out a long shuddering sigh, "what if they hate it? What if I mess up because they're watching?! What if everyone laughs at me?! Cas!"

He turned Dean towards him and pulled him into a tight hug, Dean wrapping his arms around his neck and digging his face in, "You're spiraling, Dean," he rubbed his hands soothingly up and down his back, "you have nothing to worry about. I promise that not just your family, but everyone in the audience will love your performance. You will not fall, because I will always catch you. And no one will laugh at you, because if they do they will have to answer to me."

Dean chuckled against Cas's neck as Cas continued, "You will be fine. You know the dances inside and out, you know every single move, every line." Cas kept going as he felt Dean relaxing, and started moving his hands up Dean's sides to his arms, then his hands, twisting him around and resting his head on his shoulder, wrapping their clasped hands around Dean and holding him tightly to his chest. "And you know me, and I know you. When we dance together our bodies are one and it is just you and I on the stage together, just us. That's all you need to remember, and if you feel like you are starting to slip, just reach out your hand and I will be there, I promise."

Dean just nodded and inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself, and it definitely helped when Cas gently pressed his lips to Dean's neck. Not so much a kiss but it was oh so comforting.

They stayed like that for a while, as long as they could, Cas's lips still pressed to Dean's neck and rocking them softly back and forth. Until the lights started to flicker, the signal for everyone to take their seats and for the cast and crew to take their positions.

Cas gave Dean one last hug before pulling back and taking Dean's hands in his, lifting them to his mouth to do his new favourite thing, and placed a kiss on the knuckles of each hand. Then moved across the stage to stand on the other side facing Dean.

His nerves came back a bit now that Cas was gone, he could still see him but not having his hands on him was unsettling him again, and even more so when he heard Chuck and Metatron on the other side of the curtain, addressing the audience before the show would start.

"Welcome everyone to the Kansas State Ballet's rendition of The Nutcracker!" Metatron announced and claps and cheers filled the air.

"Though," Chuck stepped in, "we got off to a pretty rocky start, didn't we."

Metatron chuckled, "That we did, but maybe for the better!"

"Very true," Chuck nodded, then turned to the audience, "early on in rehearsals we had a small bump, that being that our original lead of Clara had to… unexpectedly leave us. But, in place of her, we were gifted an angel, your very own, champion of dance, hometown boy, Dean Winchester!"

From backstage Dean could hear everyone cheering, clapping louder than before, and the undeniable Sam Winchester whistle and hollar combo, which he had to admit eased his nerves just a bit. And Chuck and Metatron went on.

"Well, look at us, gushing over our stars," Metatron laughed, "we should just let you see for yourselves the pure, raw chemistry and talent that we have discovered here. Allow us to let Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak steal your hearts as they have ours."

"So, without further ado," Chuck said just before they backed away to duck backstage, "we give you, The Nutcracker!"

They both backed away, tucked themselves backstage to watch their masterpiece unfold, as the curtain opened and the lights shone hot and bright on the stage.

Dean took a deep breath, the worst part of this ballet was that he had to do the first act without Cas, before the Nutcracker Prince came in to play. But he looked over at Cas, still standing directly across from him, and he gave him a reassuring smile and gestured to himself and Dean. Just you and I together, Dean thought, I'm dancing for Cas. And with a smile and a new found burst of energy he bounded across the stage to give the best performance he could.

~~~~~~~~~~~

As the show went on and Dean was finally able to get to dance with Cas, his very own Nutcracker Prince, that chemistry that Chuck and Metatron had spoken of came in full force.

Sam watched in complete awe from the front row as his brother moved on stage before him. He had never seen Dean so happy, so powerful, so amazing! And the way he danced with the other lead, it was such an intense form of intimacy, of pure completeness, that Sam was sure the entire audience could feel it. The atmosphere around him was on fire, and everyone in the audience was on the edge of their seats through the entire performance.

The ballet had everything, Sam thought as his eyes opened impossibly wider with each passing act. Crazy fights, ups, downs, emotions, romance, devastation, and love. And all too soon for him, and everyone else watching, it was too quickly coming to an end.

He watched as the Nutcracker Prince and Charles came together for their final dance, and he had to admit that he was slightly jealous at the way Dean and the Nutcracker were looking at each other. But he was oh so happy for his brother, he was finally truly happy.

Sparks were clearly flying between them, and as the orchestra played the final notes of the song, Charles and his Nutcracker Prince held their ending poses and the entire audience rose to their feet. Not a single person wasn't standing, not a single eye was dry, and that included both Chuck and Metatron who walked slightly out on the stage, both cheering as loud as everyone else was.

And just before the other dancers joined them on stage for a bow, Cas couldn't resist doing what he had been wanting to do for so long. Both of them panting, gazing deeply at each other, Dean's pure blissful smile that he knew was only there for him, and Cas knew what would make the perfect ending to this night. So he pulled lightly on Dean's hand in his and he bounced forwards into Castiel's arms. And right there, in front of everyone in the audience, Cas dipped Dean backwards and finally, finally kissed Dean.

The audience erupted impossibly louder, but Dean and Cas didn't even hear it. It was just the two of them. Dean clutched tighter to Cas as he dipped him a little further back, and Dean ran his hands up to clutch Cas's face as the cast around them bowed, and the curtain closed in front of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel's lips were on his for what felt like a blissful eternity, lips and tongue moving with Dean's as if they were built perfectly for each other. And Dean never wanted it to end, but eventually it had to.

One of their celebrating cast members bumped into them as they bounced by, excited over a perfect performance, and Cas gave Dean one last long kiss before they pulled apart and Cas stood them back up.

Dean was even more breathless now then he had been after the dance had ended. Kissing Cas was something he had wanted to do since the very first moment he saw him dancing in that studio, and all he could do was smile and even blush a little as he pulled Cas's forehead to rest on his, "It's about time."

Cas chuckled, his chest vibrating against Dean's as he did, and pulled Dean in even closer, "Wanted to do that for a very long time now."

"Me too, Cas."

They stood together for a moment before Cas said, "You were amazing, Dean."

"So were you," he nuzzled his nose against Cas's, leaning in a little closer for another kiss, "I wouldn't have been able to do all of this if it wasn't for you."

Before they could kiss again, a screech was heard from off to the side, startling them both as well as silencing the entire cast and crew still backstage. Cas clutched a little tighter to Dean, but Dean just laughed and hid his face in Cas's shoulder before he turned slightly, still holding Cas.

"Mom," he laughed as she came running through the parting crowd towards them, nearly crashing into them, "stop freaking out, it's embarrassing."

She pulled him away from Cas and into the tightest bear hug he had ever been in, "You were amazing, Honey, so absolutely amazing!"

"Mom's right, Dean," Sam came up behind them, taking his turn to hug Dean, "that was the best performance I have ever seen! It had everything! I was literally on the edge of my seat the entire time!"

"Thanks, Sammy! And I’m glad you're here cuz there’s someone I want you to meet," Dean said as he backed up, rubbing the back of his neck. Then he turned back and took Castiel's hand, bringing him forwards a bit, "this is Cas, the other lead and… and…"

Dean stuttered, not exactly sure what to say, especially while his mom and brother were staring at him so intensely. Not to mention the all too knowing matching Winchester smirks they were sending his way. So Cas stepped forward, hand outstretched towards them, "I'm Dean's boyfriend."

Boyfriend, Dean thought, and his stomach had butterflies again, though this time the good kind. And he couldn't help but laugh as his boyfriend's hand was swatted away by Sam, and he was taken in a Winchester group hug, while Sam patted his back and said, "Welcome to the family, man!" Then backed away and held out two bouquets of flowers to the both of them, "And these are for you guys, congrats on an amazing first performance, and many more to come!"

"Thanks, Sammy," Dean said as he took it, then settled himself against Cas's side again, "it means a lot that you guys liked the show."

"We really did, Honey, and we’re so proud of you, both of you." She stood between them for one more hug and a kiss on each boy's cheek before backing away and saying, "alright, you two change and then I'm taking you both to dinner, on me. Sammy and I will wait for you by the car."

Dean watched them go with a smile as Cas pulled him a little closer so he could kiss his cheek. "Your family is great, I am glad to be a part of it."

"They're a little crazy but I love them," he said and turned a bit, smiling at Cas, "almost as much as I love you."

"And I love you, Dean," he said as he leaned in, pressing his lips to Dean's in an almost kiss, "I am so very glad that you snuck into that dance studio and watched me dancing like a creeper."

Dean couldn't help but laugh against Cas's lips and said, "Me too, Cas, me too," and closed the gap between them. Dean was pleased that everything had turned out better than he had ever thought it would, and that the ballet had been a winning performance, but of all of that the only thing that he really cared about was that the man in his arms, currently kissing him absolutely senseless, was finally all his. His very own Nutcracker Prince.

The end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: So that’s the end friends! My one shot turned three chapter fic lol

I hope you guys enjoyed it, and as always I have plenty more fics on the horizon, so look forward to those! Love you guys! <3

I also wanted to send a huge shout out to my lovely friend @thebridgekid for always putting up with me, reading all my crazy ideas, and just being super awesome <3<3<3

@dean-humanity-winchester

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stealingpotatoes · 4 years

Text

Bedtime Story

AO3 link

summary: Emily decides that it’s her turn to tell Corvo & Jessamine a bedtime story. The characters in said story seem... a little familiar.

(notes: Hi! Gonna start posting my fics on Tumblr bc I uh- can. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this! Edit: whoops forgot to add formatting to it)

“Can you tell me a story? Pleeeaase?” Emily begged her mother and Corvo, gripping her blue bedsheets that she was tucked into. The seven-year-old was wearing her frilly white nightgown and an incredibly cute expression that neither of them could say no to.

“One story” Jessamine smiled, sitting on Emily’s bedside.

Emily grinned and turned to Corvo, who was standing about a step away from her bed, “Could you tell me the story of how you won the Blade Verbena?”

Corvo folded his arms and tilted his head, “Again? I told you that last night.”

Emily nodded enthusiastically.

“Why don’t you pick something different, my little cygnet?” Jessamine suggested.

Emily pouted, then scrunched up her face, deep in thought for a few moments. She perked up, “I’ll tell you a bedtime story.”

“Uh-” Jessamine started- “Why don’t I--”

“No. I’m telling you a bedtime story,” Emily sat up in bed. “You have to sit down,” Emily glanced between Jessamine and the floor.

“It can’t last too long though, you do need to go to sleep soon,” Jessamine warned.

“Yes, yes,” Emily nodded, “Now sit down!” she pointed to the floor.

Corvo smiled and huffed at Emily’s order to Jessamine. The two of them shared a glance, silently saying “well I suppose we have to”, before moving to sit down on the floor next to each other.

Emily lifted her bedsheets up and sat cross-legged, facing her ‘audience’. She paused for a moment, then exaggeratedly cleared her throat, “Once upon a time there was a knight, a queen, and a princess. They all lived in the kingdom of… uhh- Bunwall.”

“Bunwall?” Jessamine asked.

“Bunwall,” Emily replied, nodding with the utmost seriousness.

Corvo and Jessamine shared another amused look.

“Now let me tell the story!” Emily exclaimed.

The Knight, Queen and Princess lived in their tall castle in Bunwall. It was a grand stone castle, with many grand parapets.

The Queen was holding a banquet for something that merited a banquet in its honour. The Grand Banquet Hall was filled with music and dancing and everything was jolly. Everything except the Princess, that is. She was not having a good time, because banquets and balls were, in her opinion, absolutely terrible and incredibly boring. She would much rather have been doing literally anything else. But no, she was sitting here, bored out of her mind.

Suddenly, a mighty roar shook the castle! The merry music stopped. Everyone halted and tensed up at the noise, and a sickening silence fell upon the room.

An enormous green dragon smashed through the windows, scattering glass everywhere and leaving a huge dragon-shaped hole in the wall!

“Oh my, a dragon?” Jessamine put her hand over her chest.

“Yes! A DRAGON!” Emily threw her arms in the air.

Everyone screamed and ran to flee or hide as the Dragon breathed its fiery breath into the air. the Dragon was monstrous. It stood almost as tall as the high ceiling, with massive, sharp, scaly wings spread out wide. Its fierce eyes looked as if a fire burned behind them.

“Roar! I’m here to destroy Bunwall!” the Dragon boomed.

The Knight unsheathed his sword and spun it in his hand, “Not if I have anything to say about it!”

The Knight certainly did have something to say about it; he dashed forward with his sword and struck the Dragon on its chest, avoiding the beast’s attacks. But the Dragon didn’t seem all that fazed by the hit, and the sword did little against the Dragon’s thick scales. The Knight fought on nonetheless.

The Dragon, as unfazed as it was, fought back as strong as ever. The Knight dodged many of the Dragon’s attacks. Alas, the Knight was fast, but he wasn’t fast enough, and the Dragon was too powerful! the Dragon swung its mighty tail and smacked the Knight into the wall.

Everyone gasped at the sight of the noble Knight defeated.

“Princess! You must save us!” the Queen cried.

The Princess pulled out her sword and—

“Woah- where’d the Princess get a sword?” Corvo interrupted.

“She had it the whole time! Um… The Knight gave it to her for her birthday...” Emily said, “Now stop interrupting!”

Corvo put his hands up in a mock-surrender.

The Princess pulled out her sword that she had the whole time and also got from the Knight for her birthday and ran at the Dragon, yelling a war cry. She struck and she dodged with grace and precision that the Kingdom had never seen before. the Dragon tried to hit her with its blazing firebreath and sharp tail, but she artfully flipped out of the way of its attacks.

The Princess’ hits, like the Knights’, didn’t seem as if they were doing much to injure the Dragon. But they did seem to be tiring it out.

“Princess! It’s working!” the Queen shouted to her daughter.

The Princess continued to fight the Dragon with unbelievable skill and prowess. None of the Dragon’s attacks were even getting close to hitting her!

“Roar! How are you so… awesome?” the Dragon asked, breathless and amazed.

“I just am,” the Princess replied, her short hair flowing in the wind.

the Dragon regarded the Princess in awe for a few moments before speaking, “I… I didn’t really want to destroy Bunwall… I actually really wanted a hug. But no-one would give me one.”

The Princess considered his words for a moment. “I will give you a hug,” she said, sounding as regal as her mother, the Queen, “But first you have to say sorry to the Knight.”

the Dragon turned to the Knight, who was slowly getting up from the floor, “Sorry, the Knight.”

the Dragon looked back to the Princess, and she gave him a satisfactory nod. He lowered his large and scaly dragon head towards the Princess and she gave him a big hug.

“Aww,” Jessamine smiled softly.

“I said stop interrupting!” Emily exclaimed, “I’m not done yet!”

“Yeah, stop interrupting,” Corvo smirked, looking at Jessamine.

Emily shot a grumpy look at the both of them before continuing.

The room erupted in applause at the Princess’ heroics. Everyone, including the Knight and Queen, was amazed at her skill and how she saved Bunwall.

After the banquet-ball, the Queen formally knighted her daughter, and the Princess got an incredibly nice suit of armour and another sword. She and the Dragon, an amazing team of best friends, went on to protect Bunwall better than anyone had before.

And the Knight and the Queen kissed and got married!

“-the end,” Emily said. She looked between Corvo and Jessamine expectantly.

Jessamine was confused for a moment before she realised what Emily was expecting. “ Emily, ” she chided.

“And the Knight and the Queen kissed! Come on!”

Corvo and Jessamine gave Emily almost identical ‘really?’ looks.

“I won’t go to bed unless you kiss!” Emily said firmly.

“Emily,” Corvo and Jessamine said in unison, flatly.

Emily pouted and dramatically dropped her shoulders.

“That’s enough storytelling for tonight,” Jessamine smiled, standing up, “It’s bedtime.”

Corvo pushed himself to his feet too, “It was a very good story.”

Emily grinned, “If you put me to bed tomorrow, I’ll tell you PART TWO!”

“We’ll try our best to,” Jessamine said genuinely.

Corvo smiled in agreement.

“Part two’s even better than part one!” Emily said excitedly with a dramatic hand motion.

“Oh?” Corvo tilted his head slightly.

“But I can’t tell you what happens because it’s a secret,” Emily whispered.

Corvo nodded understandingly.

“Actually- I can tell you the story now!” Emily beamed.

“No, you can’t, because it’s time to go to sleep,” Jessamine folded her arms and smiled.

“Yeah- bedtime,” Corvo agreed.

Emily sighed. She reached her arms out, and Corvo moved forward and leant down to give her a hug, as he always did. “Goodnight Em,” Corvo said.

“Goodnight Corvo,” Emily yawned as Corvo pulled away from the hug. She flopped onto her side and awkwardly moved her crossed legs so they were flat out too. Then she lifted her legs up so she could tuck herself in under her sheets.

Jessamine pulled Emily’s blankets up a little and leant down to kiss her cheek, “Sleep well,”

“Mm. Goodnight,” Emily wiped the kiss off her cheek, like she did every time someone kissed her, and settled into her blankets.

“She’s going to figure it out soon,” Jessamine said, as Corvo shut the door to the Empress’ apartments behind them.

“Going to? I think she already has,” Corvo huffed.

Jessamine stopped for a moment, not quite looking at anything, “It is cute,”

Corvo stayed silent, prompting Jessamine to explain what she meant.

“That Emily thinks she can make us kiss with a story” Jessamine smiled, “And how badly she wants us to get together,” she looked at Corvo.

“Mm,” Corvo hummed in agreement, “She’s about… eleven years too late though.”

Jessamine laughed a little. The two of them settled into a comfortable silence for a few moments.

Jessamine made to walk off, but Corvo caught her hand and pulled her towards him almost as if they were dancing. He wrapped his arms around Jessamine’s waist, pulling her closer to him, “Y’know, the Knight never did get that kiss from the Queen…”

Jessamine draped her arms around Corvo’s shoulders. She tilted her head and smiled playfully, “No, no, I think they did kiss at the end.”

“I don’t remember that part,” Corvo furrowed his brow, smirking, “You’ll have to remind me of what happened.”

“I suppose I will,” Jessamine laughed slightly, looking into Corvo’s eyes. Then she moved a hand to Corvo’s face and went on her tip-toes. Corvo leant down to bridge the gap between them, and they kissed, softly and slowly.

“Is that better?” Jessamine asked with a raised eyebrow, voice barely above a whisper.

Corvo smiled, and Jessamine couldn’t help herself from smiling too. “I love you,” Jessamine said, her voice still quiet, as if speaking too loudly might ruin the moment.

“I love you too,” Corvo replied.

#corvojess #emily kaldwin #jessamine kaldwin #corvo attano #dishonored #potes wrotes #hope everyone's having an incredible day!

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calypsoff · 4 years

Text

Eleven. Part 3

My niggas weren’t joking when they said we going Texas, I really thought they was joking but no. They came here early in the morning, like we barley slept, and we are going to the airport, I am shocked because I did think it was a joke and we were all joking about it, but they came and we are going, the ticket was cheap anyways, but I am tired as hell “you still look half asleep, you thought we was joking?” TJ hit my arm laughing “I did bro, I didn’t think neither of you would have pulled through. I thought it was a joke when we spoke on it. How come?” I questioned, I need to know what made them actually do it “because I saw how upset you was, look we are your friends Chris. We know you and we understand why, we want to succeed with you and a fresh start will be best for you, and for us so yeah. Let’s fucking do this” Barry cheered behind me “Texas here we come, like my moms was asking. And I said it, I goes mom. It’s time I grow the fuck up, I am going to Texas with the brothers, I want and need a fresh start so yeah, we are doing this” I love these two so much “I hope we blow up the way I want too, I have it in my mind on how we going to blow up and shit” I am excited as fuck “if we being real, like being real about this. Rihanna is going to push you to blow up and we will follow, trust me. Like I am not using her for no clout but it will happen, I seen this shit happen and that is how it will happen. You can’t stop it, we can’t either. But we got you” TJ has a point, but I won’t ever use her for clout because that is not me “oh yeah it’s her birthday, let me send her a morning text” that reminds me, I can imagine she is hungover. She never messaged me at all during the night, I hope she had a good night “you are so whipped!” Barry laughed, tapping on her name on my messages.

Chris: Good morning birthday girl! I do hope yu had a nice night and yur getting somehow spoilt my love for your hangover! Msg me when yu can cause I’m currently going to the airport going Texas, love xx

Pressing send on the message, not too mushy I do hope because I ain’t trying to be a little bitch either. Tapping on Instagram, I am going to post our school picture actually, let me do that. I have noticed some of her fans are following me and have been commenting on that picture I posted, they think I am a fan page, they need to realise that is my girlfriend. Tapping on the plus sign “what you posting?” TJ asked, he is so nosey “just the picture of Robyn and I in school, when we did that project together, we look mad awkward” I chuckled, scrolling up slowly “you not got any private picture of little miss rih rih!?” TJ asked, shaking my head “nah, I don’t do pictures like Robyn does. You know me, I barely use this shit” tapping on the photo and then pressing next, that day was funny as fuck because we argued because she claimed I did nothing, I did nothing because she was kissing me constantly, adding a caption to the post ‘When you have a crush on the foreign exchange student and then you had to do a project with her, then it turns out she is Rihanna. My woman crush every day, Barbadian Cherry! Happy Bday Queen @badgalriri you CAME a long way from hiding your forehead with the bayang lol’ Pressing send on the post and laughing to myself, she has come a long way and I am super proud of her.

The flight is slightly delayed so we are waiting to board the flight “bro” looking over at Barry, smiling at the camera as TJ took a picture, this nigga is big on photos, his timeline is full but I just be posting minimum shit “my phone is going off the hook, like the hell” grabbing my phone from the pocket and seeing the notifications, Rihanna fans are crazy. Tapping on the notifications, I have many comments under this post of her. It’s an unseen photo I guess, they are intrigued by it “what was she like in school? Please answer” I read out to myself, answering the question ‘She was shy but very sweet’ pressing send on the message, I am not going to answer all of that at all. Looking down at the notification from Robyn, she is awake. Tapping on it.

Robyn: I don’t remember approving the club thing?

Chris: Lol but you did!? It’s there

She must have really been drunk; this is hilarious. So she doesn’t remember approving the club thing, thank god she was busy I guess. She is online so I guess she is catching up.

Robyn: WAIT YOU ARE WHERE?! I am calling you NOW

Barry nudged me “let’s go” he pointed; oh they are boarding. Let me message her back quickly.

Chris: Boarding flight, hold off on that.

Locking my phone getting up from the seat, grabbing my backpack and duffle “man, that ticket lady fine as hell. Look at her booty” Barry said in a whisper, looking to where he is looking and I see it, her booty is big “damn” even I had to say that, Barry jumped up and down as we got closer to the woman “y’all childish” pushing them out of the way, let me just get my ticket checked “hey” holding my ticket out “Texas” she said it like she ain’t stood at the gate “yeah, I mean that is the gate you’re at” I pointed “yeah, you got anything going on there? Just for fun, seems like a boys holiday” I chuckled “uh nah, nah. Just a visit, need to get out of Virginia ain’t a good place ma” my phone started to ring in my hand, it’s Robyn calling me “but they make great men here” looking up at her “they generate a lot of idiots you mean” do I answer this or not, maybe not “you want his number or something!?” TJ asked “uh no, I am just making conversation, now I get what you mean about the idiots part” nodding my head smiling “Houston too? If I was your girl I wouldn’t let you do anything” letting out an oh “why, what is in Houston?” she passed my ticket back “plenty of beautiful women” she winked at me “thank you” I grinned, she let out an awww “you have the cutest dimple too, have a nice flight” she is that dumb she ain’t check my passport but whatever, walking off smiling that is funny anyways “oh shit” Robyn is calling me again, she ain’t going to give up. Answering the call “one minute” I said, I am balancing shit here “you flirt with him but just stand there like I am nothing!?” TJ half shouted, shaking my head laughing at him.

Placing my phone against my ear “my bad, you good? Sore head?” I asked “yeah that but I don’t remember agreeing to the club part, why are you going Texas? Where is the discussion!?” she is panicking about me going Texas when I am sure I said “to check out the apartments there with my friends, you knew I am doing that. Just some shit went down and I just said it to them, they all agreed. Last minute thing, also you shouldn’t be thinking about me, it’s your birthday. You ready for part two?” she needs to stop fussing over me and just enjoy herself “right, so you are going Texas, for how long? Now I feel out of the loop about things, or am I not paying attention to you” shaking my head “no, it was last minute. Baby, I don’t want you to worry about that. Enjoy your day, y’all niggas taking ages, but don’t worry about it” walking off “I could do with some snuggles from you, just text me when you land. I am sober to know what I am writing back to you” she sighed out “so tonight I will text you and you will be drunk and say yes” I laughed, that is funny she doesn’t remember approving but yet she did.

I think Robyn is annoyed with herself, but she wrote yes and that is not my fault. She seems to be annoyed anyways, not sure why and if it’s me or just that she is hungover “woah!” I half shouted, bit too loud on the plane, Robyn has commented on the post which has made my post blow up and gain followers, I am not excited but it’s just crazy the power she holds, tapping on her comment to expand it ‘Oh yeah I remember you…… Skinny goofy looking. Tripped up the steps when you showed me around? Ah, yeah I do lol thank you boo!’ she ain’t shit, that happened too. She commented back, that is the point but now I feel like some stupid fan because I got excited over that, it’s just surreal and weird that it’s her, millions of followers, they move like a cult. I need to get used to it and accept that.

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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smolie · 4 years

Text

in december i wrote a 2020 year music review for myself that i intended to post here BUT...because i was infamously restricted twice last year, i didn’t bother since you wouldn’t be able to read it anyway because it was not possible to view my blog hjfdhfd

now that my restricted era is (hopefully forever) over i just want to post it here for the sake of completion since i want to do the same thing this year

this is really long so if you actually read it ... idk you are insane in the membrane and i love you... but i genuinely don’t expect anyone to read this hjfdhjf i just like reflecting on the music i have listened to and be able to look back on what i enjoyed in certain stages of my life! okiiii bye 💗

january

mac miller - circles (album) it’s a bit funny that i worried putting my thoughts down about this album and now it turns out to be first on the list, chronologically of course … oh bittersweet irony </3 listening to this album is such a double edged sword, either way i am always hit with a truckload of feelings when i turn to this release.

this album came to me in a time of my life where i was slowly but surely sliding down towards rock bottom again just after i got out of it and thought i was okay. the times i’ve listened to this crying in the bathtub with a glass of wine….girl let’s not lol…. it’s almost strange how much i can relate to the thoughts another person brought to paper. the comfort this album brings me is otherworldly, i feel so understood by mac’s words and it’s my go-to “wallow in self-pity for a bit then come out stronger than before” album. then again, i feel a little sting when any of mac’s songs come on shuffle. a friend of mine said she cannot listen to artists who have passed because it feels too strange and most of the time i agree but this time, it’s so so different. this album would have been mac’s salvation, i can feel it. everything would have been a bit brighter and lighter for him after this, it would have had to be. i feel like i would do him a disservice if i did not listen to this album, so i will cherish this final gift from him as his legacy and my comfort. i miss him incredibly and am all the more thankful he shared his heart with us.

album favs: circles, good news, surf

tiny meat gang - broke bitch (single) MAN I TELL THAT BROKE BITCH IF YOU WANNA GET IN TUNE BETTER CHANGE YOUR WHOLE PITCH LIKE WOAH !!!!!!!!!! did that give you whiplash? hehe funny to say this about a song called broke bitch by a duo called tiny meat gang but this song actually means a lot to me! it came out shortly before their show in berlin and i almost exclusively listened to it on my 7+ hours train ride from one side of the country to the other to see my meat boys. this played out of the fat ass speakers at the venue when they stepped on the stage and i will never forget meeting them :’) also the song fucking slaps obviously

february

loona - [#] (mini album) ah yes, the most controversial loona release to date! i’m not gonna lie and say this sounded anything like i expected it to. but also, i have come to terms with the fact that loona release noise music now and personally i am here for it. why not did not have the endless energy of hi high or otherworldly vibe of butterfly, but it’s a hype song and i am always there for hype. i also have to say the b-sides were not as strong for me as on previous releases but i think i have to come to peace with the fact that loona will never top their debut mini for me. though if i can wish for one thing…… let loona have title tracks with a chorus in 2021? pls? crumbs?

album favs: so what, oh (yes i am)

tame impala - the slow rush (album) *lights cigarette* i’m listening to pretty underground music….i don’t think you’ve heard of this band….they are called tame impala *intro of the less i know the better starts playing* yes i am a basic white bitch and listen to like 3 alternative bands but damn i listen to them religiously. like any other basic bitch on this planet i found out about tame impala through the less i know the better and checked out their music. i wasn’t too much into this album as i was into currents but towards the end of the year, i was in a moody alternative music slump that took me back to this album and i like it a lot more now! most importantly, tame impala fulfills my primitive urge to listen to songs that exceed the 4 minute mark. something clicks in my brain when i see a song that is like 6:34 and chances that it ends up as one of my faves on a album are high. i enjoy tiktok like everyone else but this trend of 2:50 long songs needs to be stopped immediately.

album favs: borderline, lost in yesterday, it might be time, is it true, posthumous forgiveness

honorary mentions: onlyoneof - dOra maar, everglow - dundun

march

nct 127 - neo zone (album) ah, yes. the album that fundamentally changed me as a person <3 i’ve been listening to nct for a while, matter of fact i checked my top tracks 2019 playlist on spotify and cherry bomb was on there lol. i remember trying to get into them in 2018 when they released their regular-irregular album but the endless member & unit concept scared me off, so i only listened to a handful of songs without looking into them march 2020, the fateful month in which they released kick it and screencaps of jaehyun’s sexy ass tiddies in the kick it mv landed on my tumblr or twitter and i HAD to look up who this man is…...remember when i thought jaehyun was my ult for like, 2 weeks? me neither, johnny suh only in this house <3

anyway, i checked out this album and by god, is this pure kpop perfection. last time i listened to a god tier no skip album like this was … maybe the perfect red velvet? hype songs, well crafted ballads, love songs that make me wanna learn the lyrics, genuinely fun and interesting pop songs, this album has it all. somehow, the way this album is crafted greatly reminds me of brown eyed girls’ sound-g, it has the same vibe, concept and mix of genres to me, i’m not entirely sure how to explain. anyway, this album is one of my favorites of all time and even though i’ve obsessively listened to it (lastfm says 1.4k scrobbles as of today, december 7th…) i am still not tired of this. i recommend this to anyone who loves kpop tbh, you will have a good time with this!

other than being just a musically solid album, the emotional ties i have with this are …. isabel stop making albums your emotional support 2021 challenge. i’ve listened to this release all spring lockdown, this basically played at every waking hour for all of march and april. the promotion time of this era and lockdown are deeply intertwined for me and so i am always remembered of all the nct content i consumed during that time which inevitably cheered me up so much. this album really means a lot to me :’)

album favs: kick it, mad dog, love song, boom

honorary mentions: itzy - wannabe,

the weeknd - after hours (album) my dear melchanoly, was one of my favorite releases of 2018, so i had been desperate for a new release by abel and boy did he not disappoint. the perfect thotty, dirty emo 80s, making it clap while crying in the club album! this is a no skip from top to bottom and all i can say is that the grammys can go to hell <3 abel aoty! there is really not much i can say about this album, the flawless production, lyrics and sound speak for themself. my only criticism is that i feel overwhelmed by 14 songs, especially when some of them are really long. a few songs greatly overshadow the weaker tracks on the album for me but i still love this to death.

album favs: escape from LA, blinding lights, after hours, faith

dua lipa - future nostalgia (album) after the weeknd’s masterpiece of an 80s inspired pop album i was really looking forward to this. i greatly enjoyed the pre-releases, i played don’t start now and physical up and down, they are still some of my favorite songs released this year! when i first listened to the album i really liked it, songs like boys will be boys or pretty please sound like fillers to be but the rest is solid. yet a month after release you couldn’t catch me listening to this and i cannot even really tell you why. i think it was a combination of the following: 1) i greatly overplayed dsn and physical to the point where i didn’t want more of the pop 80s sound that the album has 2) there were other releases at the time that caught my attention and interest more like neo zone or after hours 3) dua herself….girl….she really gave it her all this year to make herself as unlikeable as possible. nationalist propaganda and the constant traveling during a fucking pandemic were really the kicker. i can barely stand seeing her on my instagram feed anymore, much less listen to her album. her having the nerve to go “we’re in a pandemic lol” when people asked about an animated music video …. if you don’t shut the hell up lmao … also, she takes the crown for the corniest album opener of all time. i nearly closed spotify when i heard future nostalgia (the song) lmao

album favs: don’t start now, physical, levitating, hallucinate

honorary mentions: megan thee stallion - savage

april

apink - dumhdurum (song)

listen, i’m not gonna sit here and pretend like this mini album interested me in the slightest but god, the title is such a banger.i’m so sick, eung eung and dumhdurum are a holy trilogy that i will defend until the end of time! i really hope apink stick to this mature, elegant concept, it suits them so well and goes well with their new sound. come back soon queens <3

rina sawayama - xs (song) i feel like i’m gonna catch some hands here … xs is an absolute banger, the guitar riffs and disruptive sounds really get me going every damn time! but the rest of the album … tell me why it doesn’t catch me?! i literally cannot explain. i need to take an hour, sit down and do nothing but listen to the album from top to bottom once again and see if my thoughts change but right now i only care about xs.

chungha - stay tonight (song) drama! vocals! dance break! choreography! this release served it all. i listened to this obsessively during the time of the release and it still holds up today. can we talk about the run chungha had with gotta go > snapping > stay tonight? lord have mercy.

honorary mentions: april - lalalilala, nct dream - ridin’

may

lady gaga - chromatica (album) the immense disappointment i have in this album is tough to put into words lol. any other artist might have gotten away with this release but gaga having the discography that she has, well … she doesn’t get away with it. this has underwhelming all over it. i enjoyed the pre-releases and my hope was high but the rest just doesn’t live up what i expected, i can’t even say why. it’s just underwhelming pop for someone of gaga’s calibre. i listened to this album during release week and then never again till december to write this list and i can see why.

album favs: rain on me, sour candy ft. blackpink, stupid love

baekhyun - delight (mini album) it’s confession time … this is a name i never would have expected on any of my music lists to end up. exo has always been one of those boy groups i casually listened to. i greatly enjoy their title tracks and a handful of side tracks, i have a few members that i keep an eye on more than others but that’s about it. baekhyun was never one of those members i had any interest in, matter of fact i always thought he was kinda vanilla and boring 😭 i didn’t even plan on listening to this release if it wasn’t for his association with superm and thus nct, so i gave it a shot and we have no choice but to stan. his voice is like butter and can cut sharp at the same time, his versatility is insane. i dived a bit more into baekhyun related content and he is so likeable, it’s almost ridiculous. this production is absolute god tier, not a single skip on this mini. late spring/early summer i had this weird urge to listen to songs with mellow voices but still a banger instrumental and i wholeheartedly blame this release. matter of fact, this album is so good, i had to buy a physical copy. Y’ALL. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. i haven’t bought a kpop album of anyone that’s not holy top 3 (brown eyed girls, loona, nct) in like … idk, 5 years?! baekhyun’s impact. i’m a fan now <3

album favs: candy, r u ridin’?, love again

ak aussenkontrolle - in meinem benz (song) this … is very unrelated to this entirely list but i had to put it on here. i miss my ex boss and our 3 hour drives to meetings in the south of the country where we would blast trashy german rap music </3

nct 127 - neo zone: the final round (repackage) *airhorns* REEEPACKAGE TIIIIIME!!! my first nct era that i experienced from start to finish! i remember watching nct 127’s beyond live with luna where these mfs performed punch and we finished the concert having no idea what this song sounded like. the structure is so unusual and the intro catches me off-guard every time just to hype me up beyond compare. not gonna lie, the fact that johnny has exactly one (1) line hurts but! it’s my favorite line of the entire song! possibly related to the fact that it’s his line but let’s ignore that ….

album favs: punch, make your day

kim woo seok - red moon (song) i’m not even gonna lie to you. i have not a single idea who this man is. you could put him right in front of me and i wouldn’t know … all i know is that he has a banger song. i saw him perform this on a music show that i watched for nct and i ended up loving the song … thanks for your service sir, whoever you are ...

june

stray kids - go live (album) 2020 was kind of the year of boy groups for me, i’m so sorry … stray kids promoted simultaneously with nct 127 so i ended up hearing their title track and holy hell, is that a song. god’s menu is hype from start to finish. it reminds me of good ol’ 2nd gen noise boy group song a lá b*g b*ng fantastic baby. just pure hype and fun noise. i am forever grateful to witness the birth of the line cooking like a chef, i’m a five star michelin. the title track impressed me so much that i ended up checking out the entire album which i rarely ever do with boy groups and what is even rarer is that i enjoyed the b sides lmao!!! it’s not an album that i would put on and just enjoy from start to finish but it has some really solid tracks! this release made me want to keep an eye on stray kids, they seem like a really fun bunch.

album favs: god’s menu, TA, airplane

seventeen - left & right (song) the boy group run continues … same thing with stray kids, seventeen promoted during punch era so i heard their song while watching some music station show for nct and i heard this and was sold. solid, fun pop with the catchiest pre-chorus in history and a banger chorus. i listened to the entire mini and can’t say it really caught my interest so this is a title track only release for me.

dishonorary mentions: twice - more & more (i hate this song so much lol)

honorary mentions: ryu sejeong - tiger eyes, monsta x - fantasia, chloe x halle - do it

july

irene & seulgi - monster (mini) this is a weird release because it’s good. the title track is fun enough, the b sides are dope. but my issue with this is that it’s nothing new. this sounds exactly like a red velvet release. i get that they didn’t want to a joy, seulgi, irene, yeri release only and went for the sub-unit route instead, but why not be experimental and stray away from the usual sound of the group? also, whoever made monster and not naughty the title track deserves to be spat on. at least the choreography here is more interesting and “experimental” for kpop standards. also, why only a seulgi solo and no irene? i have no idea how reveluvs reacted to this release but this has rushed written all over it.

album favs: monster, naughty (i’m counting this to the mini idc), uncover

exo-sc - 1 billion views (mini) doing my part as a filthy casual exo listener. this release goes in the same category as baekhyun’s delight where i like the album so much that i HAD to get a physical copy. i don’t know what they put in the title track for it to be so diddly darn addictive but it clearly worked. the only bad thing about this release is how criminally mismanaged it was by sm, when i get you lee sooman ...

album favs: 1 billion views, on me, say it

baekhyun - garden in the air (song) i told you i’m a loyal baekhyun fan now <3 king releases and i listen, that’s just how it goes now! this is a cover of a boa song and i really love his version. there is not much to say except that it’s a really smooth song and his voice absolutely carries the track. i enjoyed this much more than i thought i would!

hyoyeon - dessert (song) YOU KNOW WHAT I DESERVE??? DESSERT!!!!!!! *insert tik tok challenge here* imagine if miryo featured on this instead of the ethnic hip girl … why can’t we have nice things. anyway, a banger!

johnny - sunny side up episode 1 set (spotify playlist, actual set) johnny being the skilled, talented, multi-faceted king that he is has been dj-ing since before debut (not me acting like i was around at that time lmao) and thus he decided to bless our quarantined, lockdowned asses with an online dj set! that was the most turned up sunday morning i ever had in my entire life. this set kicked off an edm/house/techno affinity that i had for the following couple of weeks. this set is an absolute banger, i would go insane to this in the club. he has an amazing ear for transitions and drops and i still just put on this set on the regular when i have cleaning to do or so. he could fill the void that rona and thus no clubbing in 2020 left in my heart and i’m so happy he decided to share this with us <3 now … john … sunny side up episode 2 pspspspspsps

honorary mentions: gfriend - apple, jessi - nunu nana

august

cardi b ft. megan thee stallion - wap (song) late summer 2021. we are vaccinated, icu beds are free, barely any new cases, clubs are open, this song plays and i can finally make it fucking clap.

troye sivan - in a dream (mini album) a cute mini album! nothing life-changing or as exciting as previous releases but easy (haha!) to enjoy. i really, really enjoy easy, can always count on troye for a dreamy sound.

album favs: easy

honorary mentions: itzy - not shy

september

wonho - love synonym pt. 1: right for me (mini album) honestly? i know like, 3 monsta x songs. i never bothered to get into them and maybe i never will, but it was difficult to ignore the whole wonho & monsta x mess that went on. i have absolutely no memory of why i decided to check out this release, i guess i was curious what he was going to do and … i was positively surprised lol. open mind is the exact time of song i had been so desperate all summer (remember mellow vocals with banger instrumentals? yeah) and uhm … can’t ignore the obvious … mr wonho is fucking fine. sir, you just gained a fan … now, where is love synonym part 2?? huh?????

album favs: open mind, i just, losing you

joji - nectar (album) this one is on tiktok. i heard gimme love in a bunch of tiktoks and had to look up the song and here we are. what an album! it came right as seasonal depression started to hit and accompanied me for a good chunk of autumn. at this point one has to ask if joji can ever really miss? the entire album is a no skip, it’s almost difficult to narrow down my favorites if my favorites weren’t so damn god tier!!!

album favs: gimme love, ew, tick tock, pretty boy, your man

super m - tiger inside / 100 / drip (songs) okay, listen. technically tiger inside & 100 were already released in august. instead of those three songs i was gonna write about the entire album until i realized i really don’t give a fuck about it 😭 i really only care about those three songs. and YES, i unironically like 100. is it a good song? no. but neither is jopping and that fucking bangs. i don’t turn to superm for life-changing, profound music, i turn to them for a good time LOL and that’s what they deliver every time! that being said, taeyong’s VROOM VROOM, UHMM UHMM, GRRRAHHHH verse is life-changing and profound! speak your truth king! also i wish drip was a b side for nct 127 that song is so damn sexy

taemin - never gonna dance again act 1 (album) this isn’t kpop, this is taemin pop. taemin never misses and the fact that hw*s* won dance performance over taemin is a literal hate crime. i will never forget the industry for this daylight robbery … anyway, nice album!!!!

album favs: criminal, black rose, waiting for

stray kids - in life (repackage) *airhorns* REPACKAGE TIIIIME 2.0!!!! i was on the edge of my seat waiting what stray kids were going to deliver after i greatly enjoyed god’s menu. i was still not over listening god’s menu when the repackage came out so i didn’t listen to it right away and now i greatly regret the few days i could have listened to back door earlier </3

album favs: back door, any

jackson wang - pretty please (song) i’m not gonna pretend like i ever listened to a song by jackson ever before. he is short king from got7 in my head and that’s all! i don’t even remember why i listened to this song but all i know is that it slaps severely. i love the wong kar wai inspired music video and the choreography is fun too! i’m gonna check out more of his music <3

honorary mentions: fromis9 - feel good, knk - ride

october

blackpink - the album (album, duh) i don’t even know what to say about this … this might be the weirdest release on the list for me. there are song i absolutely fucking hate (ice cream …) and songs i get my life to (pretty savage) on here and the discrepancy just gives me massive whiplash. i would never put this album on and listen to the whole body of work, i just cannot with the brain damage it gives me. i am still stuck in 2016, begging for bp to release music like whistle/boombayah/stay/playing with fire but i think i need to give up on that wishful thinking … i am just grateful we a got a title track with actual lyrics in the chrous for once.

album favs: pretty savage, lovesick girls

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 1 (album) this era was … a ride. nct 2020 happening was near inevitable but with covid it got pushed back so far, i started to believe it wasn’t even going to happen. i was semi-terrified of what was going to happen during a comeback with 21 (now 23!!) member group since i only experienced nct 127 comebacks so far and uhh … a LOT happened lmfao but let’s keep this about the album … i had no idea what was going to hit me. johnny having effectively 3 lines in nct 2018 did not give me much hope and after he got denoted to no line treatment in punch again, i was ready to not even have any expectation but this release changed everything. make no mistake that most of my favorite songs are units with johnny, we knew that was gonna happen lmaooo they dropped the teaser video for misfit and i thought i had my favorite song in the bag and then faded in my last song happened. y’all. JOHNNY SINGS? LIKE? ACTUALLY SINGS? DOESN’T GET FORCED TO RAP OR TALK-SING? MY MAN’S VOCALS??? OH MY GAAAAHD! this song is dramatic, theatrical, emo, it serves vocals and rap, it has catchy english and korean lyrics, this is THE song, the ULTIMATE song. i love this song so much, i want to belt it on top of my lungs in the pouring rain. apart from fimls, i also loveeee misfit, that was to be expected after i was going completely insane over the track video. johnny has like 3 lines but again they are iconic (WARNIN’! NCT WE MOBBIN’!) and i just enjoy the track too much to be upset over that. nectar. holy fuck. nectar!!!! wayv never disappoints with their thotty songs, they now have an absolute god tier hoe-ly song trinity with love talk > bad alive > nectar. the first chorus and hendery’s first verse (CHOP CHOP CHOP!) get me every time, this song is so insanely good i am severely upset i cannot sing along to it :( music, dance has nct 127 written all over it in bold letters, it’s so inherently 127’s sound!!!! i love this song so much, it’s so fun, upset and has massive dance-ability, i wish we had gotten a stage for it but i guess you can’t have everything in life </3 make a wish……………………………..the cursed unit. i don’t want to say anything about this except that, unfortunately, the song is fun and i enjoy it. the end. overall, this album is so insanely solid. i know i talk about my favorites A LOT but i genuinely do not dislike a single song on here, this is an absolute no skip album! that’s it. see you for resonance part 2!!!!!

album favs: FADED IN MY LAST SONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, misfit, nectar, music dance, make a wish

loona - 12:00 (mini album) controversial loona release 2.0! i don’t know what it is, but somehow they managed to lace the words di da dam di dam di dam dam dam dam di dam (yeah) with pure crack. i fucking love why not, i would even go as far to say it’s my 2nd favorite title track. that is right, i think it’s better than butterfly (btw: hi high > why not > butterfly > so what). so much was strange this comeback, from the inexplicable concept + teasers, the outfits, the styling (yves….i mourn your hot girl era) but the title track is just SO good, SO fun, SO catchy that i am willing to ignore it all. i also enjoy the b sides much more than on #, they are much more memorable to me. and now … HASEUL RETURN…………….i purely live to see the next loona comeback at this point

album favs: why not, voice, universe

twice - i can’t stop me (song) thank fuck twice released a good song this year. if more & more had been the only 2020 release, that would have been the real tragedy. not gonna lie, i still haven’t listened to the full album, it just keeps slipping my mind. but! i’m going to! until then i’m gonna bop to i can’t stop me.

ariana grande - positions (album) the way this album has people upset is so funny. i am a huge dangerous woman fan myself, it’s my fave ariana album to date but she has said repeatedly that this is not the sound she is striving for. now she has her coin and can do whatever she wants in music and if that is r’n’b then fuck! we have to live with it! lmao! i can live with the sex theme of the album because it’s delivered in a fun way? but it’s getting a bit old...if the next album is about riding dick only too idk how much i would enjoy that. i would probably always come back to ari because i like her voice so much but girl, there are other topics to sing about, i promise! anyway! i like this album, it’s one of those where i can hit shuffle and enjoy it in the background while doing other stuff.

album favs: positions, 34 + 35, love language, my hair, pov

tiny meat gang - sofia (song) ayyy, it’s my meat boys :’) ending the year the same way they started it, with a banger! i absolutely love the guitar instrumental, the melancholic love song type sound paired with the theme of singing about loving a robot … yup, that’s creativity and talent right here! this makes me so freaking desperate for a new ep and i genuinely have no idea how far or close we are to one but!!! i am always waiting!!!

noel - push (ep) this is something i absolutely did not expect. noel (of tiny meat gang!) released his first ep ever and i was absolutely wowed. noel has it all, the voice, the talent, the creativity and all it took him was the confidence to finally put something out and i’m so happy he did. he gets real personal on bus back, more than ever before and i always get a bit emo listening to this track </3 this man is gonna go places and i’m so happy to witness his journey.

album favs: crow, head sunk, bus back

honorary mentions: sam smith - diamonds

november

taemin - never gonna dance again act 2 (album) i’m gonna say it. idea is better than criminal. the chorus drop???? when he goes MY AH AH MY AH AH MY AH MY IDEA MY MY IDEAAAAAA A-A-A A-A-A???? bitch … tell me you can sit still, i won’t believe you. i like part 2’s title track more, but part 1’s b sides are more interesting to me. either way, taemin delivered as expected!!

album favs: idea, impressionable, exclusive

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 2 (album) part two, baby! we made it! part 2 had more mellow, ballad-y songs with my everything, i.o.u. and all about you, overall less drama than part 1 but i still enjoyed it. work it is one of those controversial songs where you despise it with your entire being or you defend this top tier noise till the end and i am absolutely the latter. the agony of not being able to listen to it and seeing the timeline so divided nearly killed me, but i have concluded that people who hate work it have never felt joy in their life <3 honestly my opinion cannot be counted because i eat up anything johnny participates in … biased ass… what i’m not gonna talk about is resonance (the song), this absolute mess of a “remix”. the audacity sm had to release this as a single is insane. anyway!! this era was a rollercoaster ride. all the interactions truly made me interested in members of other units more. hendery (the rise and fall …), yangyang my beautiful son, jeno aka blue hair guy, chenle the chaos kid and xiaojun after he made make a wish his bitch in particular! all the interactions between the units were so fun to witness and it was fun while it lasted but i am … so glad it’s over lol. i miss nct 127, i miss some peace, i hope the boys get to rest for a bit and so does my bank account.

album favs: work it, 90s love, i.o.u., raise the roof

miley cyrus - plastic hearts (album) not in a thousand years would i have expected a miley release to be on here. this girl does everything to be absolutely unlikeable in my eyes but after severely banging out to her heart of glass cover, i was really excited for this and it did not disappoint. what is disappointing is that it took her so long to find a sound that fits her like a glove. i believe many people miss out on this release after her previous history and i nearly would have done the same. this alt/rock influenced pop does her voice so many favors and i really hope she sticks to this direction, i love this album greatly!!

album favs: heart of glass, midnight sky, night crawling ft. billy joel, wtf do i know

kai - kai (mini album) just. imagine debuting with an album like that. lol. what a god tier big dick move. we all knew whatever this release was gonna be, above all it was going to be sexy and boy were we RIGHT!!!! mmmh is exactly as thotty as i needed it to be and the b sides give me everything from r’n’b to trap. i love this release and i love that it’s only the beginning of kai! like!! he is only gonna gain even more experience and become even more powerful!! what the fuck!!!!!

album favs: mmmh, ride or die, hello stranger, nothing on me

honorary mentions. gfriend - mago

december

nothing? wtf?? 😭 no interesting release happened,,,,half the time i listened to christmas songs anyway lol

pre 2020 releases i only found this year

mgmt - little dark age (album, 2018) & oracular spectactular (album, 2007) another tiktok serve. i found little dark age through a tiktok trend and ended up really liking mgmt. they fit perfectly into my autumn/winter moody alt/rock mood that i had going on and i’m happy they have so much more music that i can check out!

artist favs: little dark age, electric feel, time to pretend

tame impala - currents (album, 2015) everyone’s favorite basic alt bitch album! i enjoyed this more than the slow rush for a good chunk of time, it also fit right into my alt rock autumn mood. i really love this album, like previously mentioned it has my favorite long ass tracks on there but also a good amount of short or medium long tracks. i’m still busy enjoying currents and the slow rush but i can’t wait till i finally take the leap to dive into their other releases because i’m loving everything i’ve heard so far.

album favs: the less i know the better, let it happen, new person same old mistakes

joji - ballads 1 (2018) after liking nectar so much, checking joji out was a given and i just love this album. only when i listened to this i realized i heard slowly dancing in the dark a few times on tiktok lmao that cursed app man … i would say i love nectar a bit more but this is still a fantastic album!!

album favs: slowly dancing in the dark, attention, test drive, yeah right

jus2 - focus (mini album, 2019) in my “mellow moody bangers” phase i was scouring playlists for more songs and i think i found focus on me first which fitted right into the niche i was looking to fill and i ended up enjoy this whole release! only later i realized this is a sub-unit from got7 lmao how come i enjoy solo or unit releases by got7 members but their group discography never interested me? anyway, very sexy ep!

album favs: drunk on you, focus on me, love talk

knk - sunset (song, 2019) part of my mellow bangers playlist. very sexy, i can imagine this as a runway song! i have no idea who knk are but given the fact i enjoyed two of their songs so far maybe i should look into them lol

baekhyun - city lights (mini album, 2019) i am repenting for my sins of missing out on baekhyun releases by consuming his music at an exorbitant rate. un village is one hell of a title track that i didn’t appreciate before, but i feel like in 2020 my music interests started to vary and i love the groovy r’n’b and string sound of this song so much. i also love stay up to death, the vocals baekhyun serves here are unreal. his BABY WE CAN STAY UP!!!!!!! gets me every single time!!!! what a mini!

album favs: un village, stay up

mac miller - swimming (album, 2018) i’ve listened to this album before 2020 but i had the urge to put this on here. this is going to sound so corny, but if i had to pick one song to be my life’s title track, it would be ladders. the hope this song gives me is unreal, it feels like a light at the end of the tunnel. this album is so fantastic, i love the upbeat instrumentals paired with sometimes gloomy lyrics are so incredible, mac was truly one of the greatest artists of our time. this album is so outstanding and i miss him every day.

album favs: ladders, jet fuel, 2009, self care, perfecto

doja cat - hot pink (album, 2019) i can never decide if i like doja or not but the album slaps lol that’s it come on tiktok queen

album favs: say so, juicy, like that, streets

my fav 2020 playlists

slapping mellow

neo culture technology

malcolm

why go to therapy when this playlist exists?

top songs 2020

(by spotify)

#again a heads up: this was written in december 2020 and there are a few names mentioned here that....i want nothing to do with anymore lol #like h*ndery of gfr*end #but i'm not gonna delete them because at the time i enjoyed their releases and no one knew they were ignorant asswipes <3 #also not me thinking i'm gonna get vaccinated this summer LMFAOOOOOOO #i can consider myself lucky if i even get them this year #german government my detested <3 #about me

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letsnotdoanything · 5 years

Text

The smiles you gave me

Heyah~

I’m sorry for posting only short timestamps for some time but I didn't have much time to write due to school and the concert. I didn’t want to publish something without even checking it before. :v

I actually wrote this without anyone in mind, but as I finished I just couldn’t imagine putting in anyone else than Sungjin...

Hope you enjoy!

he kept doing weird faces during the whole concert dbhkjhsdehi i love this dork

Pairing: Sungjin x reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 1,7K

To: Y/N Y/S/N

From: Sungjin

The smiles you gave me

The first one was an awkward smile,

It was the first one I saw and the one that made me fall in love with you. It’s been four years since then, yet it feels as if it was yesterday. I remember everything exactly - your embarrassed expression, untied shoelaces and hair tangled from the wind. Yet, you still were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.

You were running down the street holding your books for your dear life. It was the last day when you could give applications for your dream university and you overslept, so now you had 40 minutes to get there. The bus you had to take to be on time was already closing its doors and the next one would be there in 20 minutes, so you had no other choice. Thankfully, the bus driver was nice enough to wait for a girl that clearly wasn’t friends with physical activities. Well, at least you tried, right? You got in on the full speed not caring if you would hit something, which was a mistake because that’s exactly what you did. Actually, not something but someone. A very attractive someone to be exact. “Woah, you good?” He said holding your arm to help you stand straight. “Your face is all red.” You run a hand through your hair trying to fix it as you looked at the stranger. Well, if you were red earlier then now you must look like a splendid beetroot. “Yes, I-I mean no… I mean you-” you couldn’t figure out what words you should choose to not make yourself look like a fool more than you already did, but you gave up when he chuckled. You knew you were already humiliated anyways. “Yeah, I just didn’t want to miss the bus. I’m sorry for hitting you.” You gave him an apologetic smile, still embarrassed from the situation, which he returned. “What about going to a café after you’re done with whatever you’re late for? You know, to compensate for bumping into me.”

The second one was a loving smile,

It was after our second date as a couple, when I kissed you for the first time. Your eyes were shining brighter than the stars above us all together and at this moment, I knew that I have found the one.

“Thank you for today, the pasta was amazing.” You said turning your face to him when you got to your apartment. You didn’t want it to end, you had a very good time with him. You played with your fingers, looking down and sighted. “I’m sad it’s over, I don’t want you to leave…” He smiled slightly at your pouty face.He grabbed your chin with two fingers, looking into your eyes deeply. You glared into his dark eyes in awe, they were so beautiful you could stare at them for hours without getting tired. “I’ll call you as soon as I’m back home, okay?” You felt warm when he let go of your chin to place his hand on your cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “Actually, I have something for you.” You looked at him, curious about what might it be. You didn’t know what to expect, but for sure not that he would bend to your height and press his warm lips to yours. He stayed like that for a few seconds before pulling away. Your shocked expression was quickly replaced by a soft grin that stayed there for the rest of the evening. “Well, that definitely doesn’t make letting you go easier.”

The third one was a laughing smile,

The one you showed every time I said something you found funny, even if no one else did. That’s one of the things I love you for, I’ve always felt so lucky to have someone who has the same humor as me.

You shot your head back with a loud laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. You loved your boyfriend’s sense of humor, his jokes always were hilariously funny. You fell back on the couch, trying to stop laughing but it seemed funnier every time you repeated it in your head. Your chest was jumping up and down quickly making your stomach muscles sore. You finally calmed down after some time and took a few deep breaths, wiping the tears that gathered in your eyes. You sat straight and looked around to see all your friends, and even Sungjin himself looking at you as if you were crazy. “What? It was funny!”

The fourth one was teasing smile,

This one was the most different, there was something in it that made it impossible to contain myself. You showed it when your mischievous side came out, and honestly, I loved it every time it did.

It was definitely your good day, you felt confident and playful and you didn’t hesitate to use it against your boyfriend. You started your provoking marathon by walking around the house in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that were barely covering your assets. You enjoyed seeing him avoiding your eyes sheepishly so you went on to “accidentally” dropping things and bending over to grab them, making sure to wiggle your butt while doing it. He remained calm when you did it for the first time. He started getting suspicious after the second attempt. He tolerated the third one. But the fourth one, it was the final straw. “Ah, Y/N, stop it already!” Sungjin raised his voice unintentionally, a little annoyed by the effect you have on him. He didn’t know that you were that playful and he didn’t like how you made him blush and stutter so effortlessly. You smirked and crossed your arms on your chest, knowing you achieved your goal. Normally you would do what he asked you to but today you let yourself go a little overboard. “Make me.”

The fifth one was a fake smile,

The one that you gave me during our worst fight, after I said something I regret to this day. I think I won’t ever be able to tell you how sorry I was, and still am.

You two rarely argued, barely ever, but the past few weeks were very stressful for both of you. Your boss was giving you much more work since a few of your co-workers left and Sungjin’s head was occupied by his upcoming promotions. That’s why you talked much less and if you did, it was a short exchange of “how are you" and "fine, thanks”. But this time was different, your conversation didn’t end after two sentences but it turned into a heated argument instead. Neither of you actually remembered the original reason why the fight started, new topics were just appearing one after the other and didn’t seem to end. “So it’s my fault now, huh?!” You threw your arms in the air out of frustration. You weren’t yourself at that moment, all the emotions that gathered inside of you had taken control. “Well, it’s you who’s been acting like a fucking moody teenager!” His words echoed in your head for a few seconds when you tried to understand what just happened. You’d never expect that something as little would hurt so much if said by someone you loved. Your heart ached and you felt as if your stomach did a full flip, causing sudden nausea. “You’re right, I should leave now.” You fake-smiled and turned your back to him immediately, going towards the door of your apartment. You didn’t bother looking at him before going out, which might have been a mistake. If you would have turned around you would have seen the tears and guilt all over his face.

The sixth one is

________________________________________

You turned the paper around to see if there was anything else written on the other side, but it was clear. You were a little confused since all of the previous ones were written as the past, yet this sentence ended with “is”. What could that mean? And why didn’t he finish it?

“The sixth one is the one I hope to see in a moment…” you heard a voice behind you, which made you jump and turn around almost immediately after. You saw Sungjin standing there in your favorite white shirt, holding a small velvet box. His hair was styled elegantly and you could smell his cologne and hair spray. Your throat clenched and you were struggling to get out any sound, so you just stood there with your mouth open. It made him laugh a little. “You know, I’ve wanted to do it for some time now…” he crouched down on one knee in front of you, took your hand in his holding the box in the other one, and looked you in the eyes. “Y/N, I’ve never thought that someone bumping into me would change not only my life, but also me. I know I’m a better person when you’re by my side, I need you more than anything else. Your smiles are the most wonderful thing I’ve seen in my life, I wish I could see them every time I close my eyes in the night and when I open them in the morning. I want to learn more about you. I want to know more of your smiles and more of your little habits that no one else knows about. You’re like a book I never want to close. Y/N Y/S/N, would you do the honor and let me read it for the rest of my life?’’

You could hear your heartbeat increase, it felt like your heart was going to burst your chest. You covered your mouth with your hand to muffle the sobs you weren’t able to control. Seconds passed, yet to Sungjin it felt like hours. His lips were pressed tight and his eyebrows furrowed in anticipation as he waited for you to do something, give him any sign. You realized that you still didn’t give him an answer and you felt bad for making him so nervous, so you crouched down next to him and looked straight into his eyes. It felt the as if it was your first kiss he wrote about - his dark eyes were shining brightly and seemed to be so full of love they could explode. You murmured a quiet, yet meaningful “yes’’ and wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him as if it was your last goodbye. However, it was only the beginning of something completely new and beautiful.

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kristannastuff · 5 years

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The Post-Holiday Surprise

A/N: I don't know if I'll be doing kristanna advent or not, but I have been writing a heck ton of kristanna fanfics lately so we'll see. Anyway, this is just a cute, fluffy, (probably too) cheesy kristanna fic for your Monday that I wrote last night instead of sleeping so I was at work all day hating my life.😜

Find it here: [ff.net] or [AO3]

WC: 1,875

Rating: K+

Summary: Anna is feeling extra tired after the holidays and Kristoff is concerned. Both of them are surprised to find out why.

The Christmas season had been wonderful- truly everything Anna had wanted and more. The uninterrupted time she had been able to spend with her family had been just what she needed after working seemingly nonstop for the past year since she had become queen. The last time she had had such a long break was after she and Kristoff had gotten married that summer and they had gone on a three-week trip for their honeymoon. Now, however, the holidays were over and things were getting busy once again for the young queen. Which seemed backwards to her as overseeing events such as the ringing of the Yule bell and the annual Christmas party the palace now held were major events that took a lot of time and effort. Maybe the difference was that Christmas was Anna's favorite time of year so those things didn't really seem like work to her. Or maybe having Elsa at the palace for a few weeks in a row was what made it all seem less overwhelming. She had missed her sister as they hadn't had as much time to spend together prior to the holidays. Elsa had truly grown in so many ways over the last year and few months since she had taken on her role as the fifth spirit. Her powers had grown, and Anna had never seen her happier. Not to mention, Anna was thriving herself as queen. And with Kristoff by her side, she truly felt there was nothing she couldn't accomplish. Yes, she was thriving. That is, she had been up until the past few weeks. Maybe it was post-holiday burnout or maybe she was getting sick. Anna wasn't really sure, but it was beginning taking a toll. Kristoff had noticed, but Anna insisted she was fine. Because she was. Just tired. So, so tired- "Your Majesty?" Anna jumped, sitting up suddenly. She cleared her throat, facing General Mattias- who was sitting in the chair across from her- once again. "Yes, General, you were saying?" "We were looking at the blueprints for the new bridge on the southside of town," he supplied, indicating the parchment that was rolled out across her desk. "Yes, o-of course." "Queen Anna, are you feeling all right?" Anna nodded. "Of course, I am, Mattias. Why would you ask such a thing?" "Well, because you just fell asleep. And you have a little something-" he pointed to his mouth. Anna mirrored his actions only to find drool dripping from the corner of her mouth. "Perhaps we should finish this some other time," Mattias suggested. Anna opened her mouth to protest but then nodded instead. "Perhaps you're right." "And if I may suggest, you go lie down for a while? With all due respect, ma'am, you look- tired." She certainly felt tired. "Yes, I- I think I will. Thank you, Mattias." With that, Anna waited for him to exit the room before standing herself. She made her way out into the hall and up to her and Kristoff's bedchambers. By the time she reached the top of the stairs, she needed to stop and catch her breath, feeling quite winded. 'What is wrong with me?' She wondered to herself. As soon as she was in the privacy of her room, she immediately kicked her shoes off, took off her crown, and laid down on the bed. It wasn't long at all before sleep claimed her. "Anna," a soft, deep voice pulled her out of her sleep. She opened her eyes to see Kristoff sitting next to her on the bed. "How are you feeling?" Her husband asked, rubbing her cheek with the back of his hand. "I've been better," Anna admitted. Kristoff moved his hand from her cheek to her forehead. "Hmm," he said, frowning, "you don't seem to be running a fever." "I'm sure it's nothing," Anna told him, taking his hand and kissing the back of it. "Well, if you're getting sick, you need to take care of yourself. Maybe I should call for the doctor." "Kristoff," Anna said, sitting up, "it's nothing. I'm just tired. That's it." "If you're sure-" he replied, although he didn't look very convinced. "I am." She kissed his hand again. "What time is it?" "It's a little after six. I asked Gerda to bring up a tray up for you. Are you hungry at all?" He asked, reaching over to transfer the tray from the side table to her lap. Anna frowned, realizing that she wasn't- a very rare occurrence for her. "Not really." "When was the last time you ate?" Kristoff asked. "Umm, this morning at breakfast?" Anna answered timidly, realizing she had skipped lunch. "Anna." "What?" She asked. "Are you sure you're all right? You're tired and not hungry. Neither of those things are normal for you." She shrugged. "I know." "How long have you felt this way?" He asked. Before she could answer however, he added, "And be honest with me." "A week or so. Not long." "A week is six days too long," Kristoff said, standing. "I'm going to call for the doctor." Anna set the tray aside, putting a hand on his arm to stop him. "Kristoff, honey, you're overreacting. I'm fine." "And I just want to make sure of that," he replied. Anna bit her lip. "I know. But let's not disturb him tonight. He's probably eating his dinner." "There's more than one doctor in Arendelle," Kristoff said. "Kristoff." "All right," he replied, picking up the tray and setting it on her lap once again. "But you need to at least try to eat some of this while I go draw you a bath." "Excuse me sir, you are speaking to the queen of Arendelle." Kristoff smirked. "Oh, I am well aware of who I'm speaking to." He leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her lips. "Aren't you afraid you'll catch my diseases?" Anna teased. "I'll take my chances," Kristoff replied before his lips met hers again briefly. "Now eat." Anna smiled up at him. "Yes sir." A few minutes later, after Anna had managed to finish about half of her dinner, she went into the adjoining bathroom where Kristoff had just finished preparing her bath. Anna soaked for a long time in the tub while Kristoff washed her hair and then massaged the knots out of her neck and shoulders. He even insisted on carrying her back to bed which was almost necessary given how relaxed she now felt. "I feel like a little kid," Anna joked after Kristoff had successfully tucked her into bed- a little too snugly, but she wasn't about to tell him that. Kristoff climbed into bed next to her and she cuddled close to him, craving his warmth. "Thank you," she whispered a few minutes later. Kristoff stroked her still-damp hair. "For what?" "For always taking care of me." He kissed her forehead. "You don't need to thank me for that. It's my privilege as your husband to take care of you in any way that I can." Anna yawned, feeling sleep coming closer and closer. "I love you-" she yawned again, "so much." Kristoff wrapped his arms around her tighter. "I love you too." The next morning, Anna reached for her husband, seeking his wamrth against the early-morning January chill, but his side of the bed was cold. 'Darn him,' Anna thought when she realized that it actually wasn't early-morning and the sun was quite high in the sky. How long had he let her sleep? She was just about to crawl out of bed when the door opened and in walked Kristoff. "You're awake," he said, going over to sit next to her. "How are you feeling?" "Not as tired," Anna replied, "that's for sure. How long did you let me sleep?" "It's almost eleven," Kristoff replied. Anna sat up on her knees. "Almost elev- Kristoff Bjorgman! I have a million things to do today!" "Woah there, fesitypants. No, you don't," Kristoff replied. "The only thing you have to do today is rest. Mattias and I took care or are in the process of taking care of everything else. Are you ready for the Doctor now?" "I just told you, I feel better." "No, you said 'not as tired'." Anna rolled her eyes. She slumped back against the pillows, crossing her arms. "Fine. Send him in." Kristoff kissed her forehead and made his way to the door. "I'll be right back. Better safe than sorry." "You sound like an old mother hen." Kristoff turned and smirked at her before exclaiming, "Cluck, cluck!" He just barely had time to shut the door behind him before Anna sent a pillow flying in his direction. Kristoff glanced up at the clock. The doctor had been in there for a while now. He would've stayed with Anna had he not been needed elsewhere. One thing was for certain, filling in for her certainly wasn't easy. "Kristoff," Mattias said, entering the room through the open door. "You had better come quickly. The doctor is finished and the queen is- well, she's apparently in a very emotional state." Kristoff pushed away from Anna's desk, hitting his knee on the corner of it. Barely noticing, he followed Mattias out of the study and rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Why oh why hadn't he insisted she see the doctor last night? Why had he let her sleep in so long this morning when she could've seen the doctor sooner? As soon as he was at the top of the stairs, he rushed down the hallway toward their bedchambers. The doctor was just exiting their room. "Doctor-" "Your wife wishes to speak with you," was all he said and Kristoff pushed past the man and entered their bedroom. Anna was a sobbing mess, her face in her hands. Kristoff rushed over to sit next to her. "Anna, sweetheart?" Anna looked up at him then and threw her arms around his neck, sobbing harder. "Oh, Kristoff." "What? Wha-what is it?" He asked, very confused and concerned by all of this. "Oh Kristoff," Anna repeated, pulling away only to fall into his arms again. Kristoff had no idea what was going on, but he held his wife while she cried, trying to remain calm. "Anna," he said finally, not able to take it anymore. He took her face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away her tears. "What's the matter?" "N-nothing's the matter." 'Oh thank God,' he thought. But he was still confused. He took Anna's hands in his. "Well, I'm relieved nothing's wrong too, sweetheart, but why are you crying so much?" "Oh, Kristoff," she repeated for the third time, but this time it was followed by something he was not expecting. "Because I'm going to have a baby." "You're- wait, what?" Anna smiled through her tears. "I'm pregnant." "W-with a baby?" "That's typically how these things work." He gave himself a little shake. "I'm sorry, I just- a baby?" "We're gonna have a baby," Anna said. Kristoff couldn't say anything else. He didn't know what to say. Words weren't necessary however, as he pulled Anna close, his lips meeting hers. "A baby," he said at last, smiling at her between kisses.

#so there you have it #who knows if I can post every day this month #only time will tell #until then enjoy #kristanna #kristanna fanfic #f2 #post frozen 2

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naturaldisasterfanfiction · 4 years

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Stretching my body out sighing out, that was a nice stretch. Looking up to the ceiling smiling to myself, since I have had my scan, found out I am seven weeks which was a week ago so now I am eight weeks. I have heard the heartbeat and I feel the connection, I feel I have someone with me through this journey even though I am alone in a way, but I am not, I have baby Fenty with me. Pushing the covers off of me and getting up out of bed, my smile grew seeing my scan picture. I rest it up on the side table so I can look at it and fall asleep with my baby scan facing me, I am incredibly happy now. I have accepted it and it’s the best thing that has happened to me, I am literally on a high right now but slightly tired. We came to California, arrived last night. I am getting the Humanitarian of the Year award with BET, I could have sent a video, but I just said I will just come here and get the award, then I can go New York, see my workers. Get some work done in New York and then my photoshoot for the promo, do my promo video shoot for Fenty Beauty and then go to Mexico to finish off the lingerie shoot I was doing, all before I become big when I then have to hide behind a camera, unless I get a double chin before then, I will have to wear a mask. The reason I wanted to come and get the award myself, it’s because this bitch is going into hiding, I won’t be getting nothing for nobody or doing anything so I thought why not give the fans some pictures and a little run on the red carpet. I am lucky, lucky in the sense that my body is not making big changes so fast because I won’t be able to deal if that happened.

Standing at the side staring at myself in the mirror, there is a slight pouch to me, ever so slightly but this is another one for the books. Taking a picture in the mirror of me standing to the side with my stomach out, I want to keep it for myself. This will probably be my only baby, I mean I am not going to find a man and if I am bad now, I will be worse after this because of my child, men out there are very weird. Moving my hand and letting my long tee fall, looking at the picture of me. I am very happy about this, I had to accept it which took time to do but I got there and now I am happier than ever. My aim is to do everything before The Diamond Ball, that is when the world will find out because I can’t hide it, by then I will be embracing it and ready for the world to know. I have all of this planned out, just that one thing I am not sure where to add and that is Chris. Where do I put him, where do I include him in this because as much as I am not ready for it, the world isn’t. I love him, I can openly say that but he’s a mess. I laughed at him stalking me, but I am doing it to him now, I am watching him and seeing what he is doing and what quote he put up. Every post on Instagram is the most negative bullshit about his aura, nobody cares. He is searching for something he can fix, himself and I hate it for him, but I can’t fix him and help myself. Chris is a worry because I do want to tell him, in the right setting.

My mom be feeding me “I am done” pushing the plate back “you eating for two Robyn” I chuckled at my mom, her face is ever so serious “I know but my baby is tiny right now, it just needs a little bit. As long as mommy is ok, baby is ok. I have never felt so happy, inside I am happy. I feel whole because I have wanted this” Rorrey rolled his eyes “why do I need a dad when I have you” kissing my teeth “he is going to be the first one in love, trust me” Jen pointed out “you women all say this, I will be in the living room playing games” he got up from the chair “it’s so good to see you like this, because I was scared you was going to jump into getting rid of it, to see you so vibrant and happy. It’s just nice to see” Mel has come back from Barbados and is with us in California, which I am happy about “I was scared Mel, I was so scared to think what I have got myself into, I didn’t feel in control but god is guiding me and I will get better with it. I am not perfect, and I will make mistakes, I am not perfect. I wish I was perfect, as a mother to be, I will make the mistakes” I know I will make mistakes “what about the father? You’re in Cali, he is here also” I feel like all eyes are on me now, Mel had to do this “I may be feeling good in myself about this baby but I still need time to tell him mentally, he is fighting demons on his own and I see it. I don’t know if you girls look on his Instagram, I remember when his page was all fine, he was good and now he’s just dark with his words and I am seeing things I don’t like. I want to help him, but I have to help myself, I am thinking can he handle this because every time I am with him, close to him or people see it. He gets abused about it like I need protection, it hurts me to see it. No matter how much I tell the world I am ok they do it to him, this can mentally put you down. I am trying to find peace within me to help him as I am pregnant, I just don’t know. I want him to be ok with this. I mean even I got subjected to abuse about it, it’s a lot and I am just trying to find the right balance” clasping my hands together “I will tell him, that is all I can tell you” he worries me, his mental state does. And then I see him with whippets, he is doing drugs and I am just put off, I don’t want to say that either. I just need to gather myself; I will do it though and he will know, and I will be able to help guide him or we argue together about it all but it can go either way for both of us “I suppose, you ain’t a nobody he got pregnant so this will be a big deal. It does need to be handled right” I am glad they are on board and realise it is a big thing for the both of us, it’s just got to be done right.

Jen walked into the bedroom “what happened?” she asked, she is asking because I have now gone back into bed and I feel terrible all over again “pregnancy” I mumbled “you were ok before, but anyways. Jahleel wants you out soon to get dressed, I mean you will be late there. We have two bodyguards; Frank has arrived, and we got Rich. Extra security for you, it needs to be done. I want you to be extra careful, you are sensitive so mind yourself” nodding my head “stop looking so grumpy and besides, pregnancy can do that to you, one minute fine and the next miserable” poking my lips out “I have nobody to hug me in bed” I mumbled staring at Jen “well here I am! Your cuddle buddy has arrived” I smiled watching Jen walk around the bed “hold me, make me feel all warm” I smiled to myself, I just need a good cuddle in bed “you’re just worrying, that is all. Stressing yourself out” Jen said feeling the bed move behind me “I suppose, but I am happy. Just need a moment to myself to gather my thoughts and stuff” Jen is so annoying, she is giggling all up in my ear “stop it” I giggled “come here, my little baby want snuggled” Jen held me from behind “you’re not the hug I wanted, I regret it” I really do now “awww you have the scan on your side table, it has your forehead already. We already winning” smiling to myself looking at the baby scan, I swear to god she is annoying, Jen touched my boob “they feel sore yet, wait till these little babies start feeling sore. You about to feel even more moody” she is not the best cuddle buddy at all.

Why am I hating this, sat here staring at myself in this mirror is making me feel insecure “does my face look fat to you?” I asked Priscilla, I feel it “bloated as fuck” Yusuf shouted from across the room “wait what!” I turned in the chair ever so quickly “woah, calm down. I could have poked your eye out there, Yusuf laughed to himself “you are so gullible, you look beautiful stop it. Your hair is looking shinier though. I like it” Yusuf is such a bitch “whatever” turning in the chair “are you done?” Priscilla eyeballed me “I do not want a lawsuit if I poke your eye out, now can we all relax?” I sighed out “I am ok” I am not really; I feel like shit. In the morning I was so happy, felt so good in myself. Then I felt like I wanted to be sick and now I am self-conscious, I am ok. My people say I am fine so I must be fine “we need to hurry up sis, like you about to be so late” Ja said at the side of me “well what is new?” waving him off “what is new? Girl, you about to be rushed in, I want bitches to faint when they see on the red carpet, you hear that? The red fucking carpet. This like my last award show I be doing, can we not?” he has a point “Rihanna finally quitting music?” Yusuf said laughing in the background “wait until your fans bully you” rolling my eyes.

Smirking at Jahleel, I feel bad that I haven’t told Yusuf or Pricilla “is this Vodka? Since when?” Yusuf pointed out “since now, I have changed” I lied “let me taste then? We aren’t having you back out now! You always do this, we taking this together” moving the shot glass frowning at him, Jahleel put water in it, I am so glad I have him to do it “shut up” he is playing “let’s just do this then I can leave” watching them clink shot glasses and I joined in with them, I gasped “Yusuf!” I screamed out “this bitch lied!” hitting his arm “ok, look. There is a reason to this!” I shouted “she is on a water diet” Jahleel said like that makes a difference now I got caught “no way, my girl loves a glass of wine” Jahleel mouthed I tried “I should tell you both anyways, I need my team on board and I will see you both here and Dennis, wherever he is. Dennis. Come here because I will need you all eventually again. This has to be secret, like kept in here but then again you all are good at that” Yusuf has the judgemental look on his face “what did you do now” he crossed his arms “me? Nothing but” I breathed out, I mean there is no reason to hide this from these when they will be there with me “well, I am pregnant” I said smiling before hearing crash of glass hit the floor “Yusuf!” I shouted “no, you’re lying?” he said in disbelief “I promise you; I am pregnant. This is why Ja and I have been arguing back and forth about the timings, this will generally be my last time to do anything related to red carpet for a long time. It’s about to be about me and my baby” Yusuf looks so scared but I think he is in disbelief “you always said the sperm donor is coming and you did it” Dennis hugged me “I am so happy and I can’t wait to do the pregnancy photoshoot with you!, I have ideas now” I cooed “but I know the dad anyways” Priscilla hugged me “so happy for you, you deserve this. You really do” they are so sweet “oh, who is it?” Yusuf is like ready for a storm “I will sue all of you but I trust you all, so uhm. He doesn’t know yet, it was a drunk thing. It’s Chris’ baby” I admitted “Hemsworth?” Daniel said “would I be drunk with him? But Chris Brown” Yusuf let out a shriek, staring at him “you are pregnant with Chris Brown’ child? Rihanna what the fuck have you been doing!?” Ja is nodding his head like I told you so “a lot, clearly but it’s a mess and I am sure you all are ready for the ride?” Yusuf laugh “bitch I am shook, but I am ready. Come here you crazy fucking bitch” Yusuf hugged me close “you about to be a beautiful milf, I am here for it baby” I chuckled at Yusuf saying that but he is not wrong, I will be that now.

I wore something revealing, I thought why not because I can right now. I am wearing a satin robe over a plunging playsuit which showed off my toned legs. High heeled strappy sandals and a chunky pendant necklace completed my look, and my long black hair curled and tied up in a loose updo. I am ready for this “am I even ok to go on the red carpet? Like am I that late?” I hope not, I want to show off my legs “we are going to show you off, don’t you worry” Ja said, oh the carpet is still kind off full “your mom said for you to just go in from the back?” Frank said in the front “my mother worries too much it is ok; she needs to stop worrying. Thank god she is at home” rolling my eyes, she is fussing. The SUV came to a halt and Rich came out of the SUV in front, watching him run over to the SUV “I don’t want everyone fussing now, I mean it” I am ok, they will know if I need help or not. The SUV door opened; Rich held his hand out to me. Grabbing his hand as I got out “you look so beautiful, oh my god!” Taraji came out of nowhere “thank you” I said smiling at her, looking behind me at Mel getting out.

Mel laughed at me, I don’t find her funny “this is why I don’t come” I said in a whisper “it’s just you, sitting with the Cash Money record team, it’s nice to see” I laughed shaking my head, I am sat next to Lil Wayne which is fine because he is not here, but just behind me on the left of me I have Drake and I have Chris here too, I did see him with another shade of colour on his head but it was quick. He didn’t see, I saw him “don’t you think the girls here are a hot mess, like this whole place is a hot mess” me and Mel are just bitching “They be wearing things just to wear them, I mean is this a strip club” Mel laughed “says you, looking like you going to some sex club for rich men” hitting Mel’ leg “I think hot mess was on the cards, chile” looking ahead of us “I am blessed, I am so blessed to be sitting next to the queen, my queen. How are you?” getting up from my seat “I am good, when I heard I am sitting with you, I asked to move. Not going to lie” Lil Wayne looked at me offended as fuck “come on now, I will be good. Promise, you know I appreciate you” sitting down on my seat laughing “you better be good” I rather sit in the back but here I am, all in the front like I asked for this, maybe I shouldn’t have worn this.

Some unknown dude called NAV is performing, my time to go to the toilet “you coming” I said as I got up, this is my toilet break “yes I am” Rich came out of nowhere “I am just going to the toilet” I laughed at him “I will walk you” seeing from the corner of my eye, Drake is coming “yes, let’s go this way” turning on my heels “watch out” hearing Drake say, oh the camera is conveniently here “you good?” he hugged Mel first, he knows I don’t care for it “nice seeing you” Mel said, maybe I should go the other way. Drake looked at me “like old times, we should have performed work together if you was coming” I nodded my head smiling, he didn’t hug me which is good of him “I need the bathroom” I pointed at him before walking off “the bathroom is that way” he pointed the opposite side “I didn’t know you got a new job of directing people now” hitting his arm to move out of the way, I caught him licking his lips before walking by Rich to go “hey!” Cardi rushed over to me “your legs look so good, bitch!” hugging her laughing “thank you, I regret it now. I cold” I laughed it off, but I am being deadass about this.

I wonder if I will have a girl, I really would like a daughter but I don’t for either because this is a blessing, like praise Jesus, I am blessed but if it’s a girl, that would be beautiful for me. She will be my bestie forever “Rihanna!” hearing my name, looking up like a deer caught in headlights. I am so confused “get up” Mel said as she got up to clap, oh this is me. I am so lost because I rather sit and daydream of my baby now, I laughed looking around “thank you” I didn’t want to walk alone either but here I am, alone but it’s whatever. Walking by the crowd jus clapping for me “Rih” Rich came up behind me, he held my hand as I went up the stairs “thank you” smiling at him, he is coming out of everywhere today “thank you so, so, so much” hugging Debra “thank you so much” I said to her but I do not remember a single word she said, turning around to the crowd and seeing the standing ovation, this will always get me shy “thank you” I laughed down the mic, even though theses lights are shining in my eyes I can still see Chris from here, his multicoloured self just there, waiting for them to sit down before I started.

I blew out air as I was helped down by Rich, I am glad that is done and it is a commercial break “you looked great up there” Mel said “thank you, I felt nervous” Mel held my hand, everyone is walking around because it is a commercial break “I want to go now, I am just done now” I pulled a face “let’s go this way” Rich led the way, I guess Rich knows a quicker way out for us “Chris is here, why don’t you tell him that you have something to tell him. This is your chance” Mel said in my ear, is Mel crazy staring at her like she is crazy “he is right there, just say it” Mel dragged me, Chris is speaking to Usher but I caught him looking at me and he looked away so quickly, he knows I caught him but he looked away in annoyance, I know him and he seems angry and he’s probably angry I told him to go that night. It’s like everything was in slow motion, Chris moved back from Usher, he is staring at me and I am staring at him as I am being dragged to him. Slowly I see a smile form on his face, am I really doing this “come” Rich blocked my view and stood in front of Chris “let’s go before it gets busy again” Rich moved and Chris’ smile disappeared, Mel let my hand go thinking I am saying anything “hey” that was it “hi” walking by him, that was so awkward for us and I just fucked that up but I was put on the spot.

I am glad to be in the SUV “what happened to you saying Chris I have something to tell you, come to the apartment?” Mel is annoyed with me, but I was put on the spot “I freaked out Mel, he seemed to be so mixed with emotions. Like he was angry, annoyed and happy. Only thing we said was hey and hi, it was all awkward and I felt like everyone was watching us, it’s not the setting, I am not ready to deal with Chris” I wish they just let me live, let me just do this how I want it “he smiled because it looked like we was walking towards him, you need to get over people seeing you both speak. You sharing a whole ass child, the public going to have a field day with you both” she has a point but that is my issue to get used to that.

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