#wizard-posting

[swagbatical]

Hmm yes I see your point, and your reasoning is soundly backed up with evidence, however- I CAST FILL URETHRA WITH SAND

[council-for-demons]

Council For Demons and Demonic Activity

This is a council dedicated to helping you with your demonic activity, problems, possessions, and anything else! Like the wizard councils, but its demons.

Ask to join! You can join if you're full/part demon, or a demon expert! Current members: @succufaerie @f4y3w00d5 @ashen-the-tiefling @terrencetheshark14 @jhomikle @willowplantcat @aileaxthevoidien @uneven-daemon @therealghoulfather @captain-exclam @pentahook

[swagbatical]

Hey has anyone seen my potion of eject bowels? It's the soothing pink one that farts out a little butt shaped cloud when you open it, so you know what it's about.

sure, i'll drink the pink swirly potion that released a little heart shaped cloud when you uncorked it. what's the worst that could happen

[redavexat]

[warthogreporter]

And now, a brief look at the human fucker community on a monster version of tumblr

🐙 WetterThanYou Follow

It's so sad that humans can't breathe underwater, makes bringing them to my lair so much harder

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

Was anyone going to tell me humans can't breathe underwater or was I supposed to just learn that from a text post?

🐙WetterThanYou Follow

Please tell me you didn't seriously look at humans and go 'they look like they can breathe underwater'

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

I thought they were like lions and how some live in the sea :(

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

DID YOU THINK SEA LIONS WERE LITERAL LIONS?!

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

They're not? 😭😭😭

(10,053 Notes)

🐺HereWolf Follow

Vampires will be like 'I love humans' and then transform every human they know into another vampire. Weak. You are like someone who only watches Marvel movies and calls themselves a filmbuff.

🏏Batass Follow

Hey OP this is an important part of many vampire cultures so you should tone it down because this is really offensive.

🐺HereWolf Follow

You should get a culture that isn't fucking lame.

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

OP you are literally a werewolf. And into throwing stones in glass houses I guess.

🐺HereWolf Follow

Gurl you don't know the amount of effort I put into keeping my human girlfriend a human girlfriend because I love her for being a human.

(8,000 Notes)

💚CraftedLove Follow

In the club on a date with a human straight up breaking it. And by 'it,' haha, well. Let's just say. His sanity.

(42,069 Notes)

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Sick of getting added to group chats like 'plots to overthrow our lieges.' Yes, I am both an evil wizard and an evil vizier. But I'm not plotting any treachery because my king is also evil, and so is my queen. We are in an evil polycule and give each other evil night kisses.

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Also stop telling me about the evil queen's OnlyFans like the king and I aren't helping her run it. Who do you think is taking the pictures? You have no idea how many evil yet deeply impractical schemes it's given us the economic cushion to do.

(48,835 Notes)

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

Need me a human who will hold me like this and just destroy me 😍

♣️HeraclesOfficial✅ Follow

Hey.

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

WHY DID NOBODY THINK TO WARN ME HERACLES WAS ON THIS WEBSITE?!

(33,333 Notes)

This now has a sequel, and a third act

[devious-buffoon]

Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

[scuttlebatt]

I Have Found A Solution!

So, obviously classic wizard robes aren’t wheelchair friendly. (Alright, admittedly this isn’t common knowledge and also this definitely isn’t a problem for most but listen, this is a problem for me and I’m pleased to present a solution for it nonetheless.)

The issue is in the sleeves and the length of the robes. The traditional trumpet style allows them to get snagged, dirty, and caught in the wheels.

This is distinctly not an issue with other mobility aids such as canes and crutches, these wizards are fine to carry on with their trumpet sleeves simply rolled up if needed.

Now, one solution might simply to shorten the sleeves and hem to be out of the way, but that looks rather silly so I won’t do that. Instead I propose the more elegant design of a hanging sleeve to maintain that flowy magical feel while allowing for better range of motion.

Honestly I just love the look of hanging sleeves in general and think more people should appreciate them, wheelchair user or not.

In conclusion…

[ryttu3k]

Does everyone know there is now a mod that exists solely to give Gale hayfever?

Because there is now a mod that exists solely to give Gale hayfever.

[bashcrandicoot]

Thumbnails on wizard youtube

[the-god-of-magic]

Wizard Fact #42: The real reason you're not supposed to stick a fork into your toaster is because you might stab one of the wizards in there

[swagbatical]

*I flop bleeding into the tavern, weak and pathetic. Groaning like the damned*

Tavern patron: "You're half dead! What happened, were you robbed?"

Me wearily: "No. I was . . ."

I pause for a moment considering the possible future impacts that disclosing my new sport "exploding knife ball" to the public, while the idea is still in its' infancy could have on the longevity and adoption of it.

". . . Ambushed. By bears. Twelve of them. Conjoined twins. Full body ones. All of them. They knew martial arts. And had guns. Big ones. The really loud kind. I'm amazed you didn't hear it."

I sigh as I go limp like the wilting flowers upon autumn's dawn

[wizard-of-interesting-failure]

Reblog this post to cast Crumb of Serotonin on whoever you reblogged it from

[precariouswizardry]

[good-wizard]

I CAST!

WALL OF SKULL ANGLE!!!

[tanzel]