#without the ending scene i would’ve felt so unfulfilled | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

feel199x · 5 years ago

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TO PROTECT OUR DISTRICT ; CHAPTER XI - THE SUN, THE STARS

CHAPTERS: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI M.LST

mafia!au, ceo!hwang hyunjin, mafia boss!hwang hyunjin

♟️ warnings: blood, graphic depictions of violence, gun mention

♟️ summary: all that comes up must come down

♟️ a/n: hopefully this chapter builds some escalation!!

♟️ song rec: sunmi - black pearl and sunmi - curve

“I can’t depend on anyone but myself, Yugyeom.”

He didn’t say anything, but you could feel his eyes on you. You opted to let your eyes unfocus as it gazed up to the ceiling. The swirls in the ceiling blurred into a harsh nothingness and then it shifted into the comfortable void of dreaming. Well, lack thereof.

For the first time in a long time, you felt peace. It didn’t even matter that you knew it was fleeting. You just wanted to breathe. Wrapped in a warm void, you could feel time slipping and the clock turning, it was nothing, nothing at all. And it filled you up, immensely, gave you the content you needed.

When you awoke, you found yourself curled up in a ball, covered by a heavy blanket. A pang of nostalgia hit you, as you remembered the warmth of Hyunjin’s warmth. You furrowed your eyebrows, staring into the dark room. Damn him. What was happening, what you were doing was bigger than any man, any woman, any person. You stretched your limbs, a dull ache resting in your muscles.

You were bigger than him.

You sat up in your bed, listening as your back cracked, and fell back into place. You could continue sleeping, but you felt the energy creep back into your veins and into the grooves of your bones. Feet hitting the floor, door opening and closing, you ended up in the living room. There he was, sleeping soundly with a blanket from the storage. He looked so peaceful, his lips slightly parted and eyelashes long, that was the peace you were longing for.

But, now you were at a crossroads.

You couldn’t leave Yugyeom at your house, but there was also trouble with taking him out. His gang certainly wouldn’t be happy if they saw him roaming the streets, and you couldn’t risk taking him into the office. You leaned on the kitchen island, your mind scanning all scenarios. Rubbing your temples, you paced around the kitchen.

“I know this isn’t ideal,” you murmured, “But, this is all I can think of right now.”

He put his hand on your shoulder, rubbing your back. “You saved my life, _____. You’ve done more than enough.”

“I’ll come back before the day ends. Please be careful,” you handed him a handgun, “Just get through today.”

He took it carefully, almost like it would’ve gone off. Like he was scared of it.

“Don’t worry about me, okay?”

You smiled, “Someone has to.”

You turned on your heels, refusing to look back and think too hard. The bus ride was unremarkable, stuffy and full to the brim. You watched as the sun finally climbed it’s mountain and bore the weight of Prometheus. You gripped the hanging strap handle. The rubber burned the palm of your hand, but it was over as soon as it started. The chair behind the reception desk waiting for you, and you almost sighed as you sat on it. It was god awful and boring, and it lit you aflame like you were made of gasoline. You watched everyone come in, watching them watch you, their eyes unfiltered and patronizing. Taking calls as normal, writing notes, recording messages. It was mundane and unfulfilling.

You wrote a note to Jeongin, keeping it brief and vague just in case it was compromised.

Hyunjin knocked on your desk, and you looked up. He gave you a sickly sweet smile and leaned across the counter. “By the way,” he tapped his fingers, “Do you have the proof?”

You reached into your pocket, not breaking eye contact and let Yugyeom’s lock of hair fall. Hyunjin grabbed it and examined it for a few moments. “Great. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Extremely.”

He smiled again, “You’re gonna show me the body. Do you really think you could get by with something shit like this?”

You shrugged, “Killing him was more than enough. What did you want, a finger? Let’s go.”

He grabbed you by the wrist, “Let’s make something very clear, _____. You are my subordinate.”

“And what are you going to do about it daddy’s boy? Are you going to take me out execution-style?” Your voice rose, no doubt attracting eyes and ears to your scene. Before you could continue, Changbin pulled you back.

“Relax,” he murmured, “Don’t put it all on stake because of a little pettiness.”

You unclenched your fists and smoothed your pencil skirt. You smoothed out the static heat in your palms and waited for Hyunjin to make a move.

“Well,” Hyunjin motioned for the rest of the team to come on, “Let’s move past this high school drama, shall we?”

You opened your mouth, but Changbin squeezed your shoulder, giving you a slight shake with his head. You scolded yourself, not believing how juvenile you let yourself get. Chan gave you a concerned look, and then looked back at Hyunjin.

“It’s okay,” Changbin spun his keys around, “I’ll take _____.”

You pursed your lips and crossed your arms, gripping your biceps tightly. You looked up at Changbin, who asked you to wait without words. Your foot tapped harshly against the floor, and you stared at the neatly tiled floors beneath you. Once everyone was on the first elevator, you and Changbin descended into the entirely empty new one.

You bit your tongue, reminding yourself not to ask any questions that could compromise you, and especially not in a Hwang building. In silence, the both of you walked to the car. Once you were settled in, seatbelt buckled, and only when you were on the road did Changbin start to speak.

“I’m supposed to be leading the way, where did you dispose of the body?”

“Where else? The ocean. I took a boat way out into the open, and dropped him in there.”

“Did you really?”

“Well, I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

Changbin was silent for a few moments, tapping the wheel in thought as his eyes stayed on the road, “How do you expect me to help you if you don’t trust me?”

“Trust you with what?”

Changbin scoffed, and gave the road a humorous smirk, his tongue grazing his cheek. “I know you know that I have some idea of what’s going on. Why wouldn’t I have told Mr. Hwang if that was the case?”

“Prove it, then.”

“I was assigned to follow you one of these nights, they’re not stupid enough to leave cameras in your house, and they know that you can tell when you’ve been searched. So, I watch you. I’ve seen you get up to go to the bathroom one too many times, I’ve seen you stay there a minute too long. I know sometimes you go out, but I never find out where.” he paused, then spoke up again, “This what they think I’m doing right now too. Mr. Hwang wanted to take you, but his mouth got to him,” he sighed, looking as if he were trying to word things carefully, “He loves you, ____. In spite of what he does, he loves you.”

“Fuck him.”

He opted to stop the conversation there. Soon, the car was trembling as your rode onto unpaved paths and dirt roads. The car came to a stop at a lonely, solemn pier with only one boat riding miserably on the sea’s sobs. He parked the car, “I don’t know what’s going to happen. But if it goes to shit, know I got you- but you owe me. You need to tell me what’s going on so I can help. It’s big, and I know it. If it’s tearing this place to shreds, you need to let me know. I might not hate this place as much as you do, but I hate it enough to watch it burn and dance in the ashes.”

You rolled your shoulders back, looking onto the horizon as if you could dream of a better future on the other side. “Okay.” you resigned, “Okay.”

You stepped out of the car and crossed your arms, staring at the legion of luxury cars that sat in front of you.

Hyunjin stepped out first, everyone else following suit and falling behind them as if they were merely puppets, clay, and molded to Hyunjin’s liking.

He had his hands in his pockets, and stared at the sea before him. “You think you’re smarter than me? I’m gonna have a team here by nightfall, and you better have something to show for it.”

“Sorry, is daddy’s boy gonna throw a tantrum because he didn’t get what he wanted?” you scoffed, “Go fuck yourself.”

You walked back to Changbin’s car, slamming the door shut as you sat angrily. Changbin came in after you, giving you a look but saying nothing. You watched through the the side-view window as the cars pulled out.

For someone who’s usually so good at controlling her temper, it irks the bones out of your skin to let Hyunjin get to you like that. Not even his father can push you like that, and if you can’t pull this off, you’d get yourself killed soon enough for being disrespectful.

You looked at Changbin, “You swear, Changbin, you swear that you’re gonna get me out of this? You swear I can trust you?”

“More than you could understand.”

You bit your lip, “Okay,” you breathed, “Okay. Meet me here, okay? I’ll let you know when.”

He nodded, taking the receipt you had found on the floor that now included an address. You hoped to whatever powers there were in the universe that you had another ally. You hoped, god, you hoped this wasn’t the end.

The sky fell into darkness much faster than you hoped, but it was ideal to have no shadow in the void of night as you went to pick up Yugyeom. It was nothing too disheartening, he was in the abandoned building, the gun tucked into the waistband of his pants.

The ride back was quiet, even if there was an unspoken anxiety as you took Yugyeom back to the Hwang Estate. You tried to keep yourself upright, but your eyes were heavy. You kept slumping over, but the drumming of your heart kept you awake.

The night was heavy, neither of you sleeping. A gun was in your wake, your hand gripped on the handle. You roamed around the house, trying to make it seem like you were just getting up for some water, but you were aware that it was not at all convincing. Yugyeom tried to make it seem like he was sleeping, but he moved too often for him to be asleep. Sitting next to his torso on the couch, finally, you spoke up.

“Yugyeom.”

“Yeah?”

You heard him get up, you turned your head, his nose touching yours. But, instead of turning away, you looked deep in his eyes. “Tell me something. Anything. Who were you before this?”

He turned his body all the way, completely facing you and you mirrored him. “I did it ‘cause it paid, it seemed like a no brainer at the time,” he paused, but didn’t avert his gaze, “My favorite color was red,” he looked away, taking a longer pause, “ I like r&b, you ever listen to it?”

“No.”

“I’ll show you some time,” he murmured, “when all of this is over.”

“Yugyeom?”

He hummed in response.

“Can you sleep with me tonight? Just in the same bed. You don’t have to-”

“Yeah. It’s better than the couch, right?”

He told you about his childhood friends and his parents. He described the playground from his elementary school and the fights he got into in high school. There was an ache in you, heavier than nostalgia. He told you about slides and woodchips, about sandboxes and swings, and getting cuts and bruises from playing too hard. He got a dreamy look in his eyes when he talked about his friends, and when he reminisced about how good his mother’s cooking was.

“Why are you crying, ____?”

You let out a little gasp, and wiped them off of your face, but they kept coming anyway. He cupped your face, wiping them off with his thumbs. “I’m not,” you laughed, “I’m not.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m just sorry, sorry you ended up here. I’m sorry this is happening to you and it probably hurts so much and I,” you gasped for air between your tears, “I miss your childhood for you.”

“Each day comes with a new death, _____. We just pray it’s not our reason for living.”

“Your peace is not a martyr to be sacrificed.”

“Death comes with a rebirth, we will find our peace again.”

“Death will be my peace.”

He shushed you, shaking his head, and wiping your tears again. “New days are coming.” He brushed your wet hair off of your face. “Get some rest.” You turned around, the burden of existing coming down at you like godly wrath and righteousness. It burned inside you, and you felt the ashes of your soul choke and simmer. When your eyes finally gave up to the thankless tire of keeping yourself up, you found yourself in a wasteland.

Your mother and father, standing in a picturesque scene, holding a bouquet of wilting flowers. Sir Hwang appeared in the middle, his face obscured, but his suit bright and shiny. In his hand, he held a pair of crimson scissors, and he cut the flower’s stem, making the bud fall to the ground. You looked down to see the same color blood streaming down your hands, dried blood under your nails. You panicked, wiping them off on your arms and clothes. You could feel yourself cry, but it was everywhere. You ran through the fields, a continuous space of green that stretched and stretched. You woke up then, crying.

Yugyeom immediately hugged you. “You will find peace,” he said, “I promise you will find peace.”

He pulled you in, and having the weight of his arms around grounded you. Even with your back pressed against his chest, you could feel the steadiness of his heartbeat. It fell into a familiar rhythm, one that seemed so human, so comforting. Your face still tear-stained and sticky, you stilled your breathing enough to get Yugyeom so he’d think you fell back asleep.

Soon, you guys had fallen into a routine. Routines were dangerous, you had told Yugyeom. It worried you, knowing that not having a variety of routines would put everything at stake, and then burn it. But, he assured you, that he could handle himself, and each day you handed him one of your handguns and he disappeared into the dark of the abandoned works. Each day, as you left and returned to the building, a fear arose in you like flames of a burning bush, as if an omen was brought up to you and you hadn’t listened to it. Each day, you feared that you’d find Yugyeom lying on the floor in a bloody mess.

As more time passed, the more it worried you. To find a gaping hole in his flesh, to see his livelihood spill onto the floor. You didn’t know what was worse, that you’d see his life stain your hands in bright red or that you’d find it dried on the rotting tiles around him.

“____, ____.”

You jumped a little, looking up from your keyboard. “Sorry, Changbin, what can I do for you?”

“I need you to fax something for me, please take a look at it.”

You took the paper, relaxing your shoulders. “Of course, no problem.”

You looked at the paper, glancing over it quickly.

The port for the arms and drug paraphernalia has been changed again, below is the new address. Scheduled for tonight. There have been new updates on who is attending the festival.

Shit, shit!

Your shoulders tensed, and you suddenly remembered the gunshot wound. You had forgotten to take care of it the past couple of days, and it seems the stitches have come undone from stress. Blood began to prick the blouse you wearing, and suddenly you remembered Sir Hwang’s fingers and the pain seemed to increase, possess you with the spirit of the past.

You felt eyes on you as you winced, pressing your index finger upon the wound before deciding what you were going to do. You turned, and found Hyunjin staring at you from his office. The glass windows provided little privacy for him, a man who seemed to bathe in mystery. He didn’t glance down either, instead lifting an eyebrow.

You couldn’t read the expression on his face, and you were sure it was because he didn’t want you to. He wanted you to be shrouded in mystery, always wondering if what once was can be again.

You ignored him, making your way to the bathroom. Babylon fell, and this empire will too. If that means Hyunjin burns in the sacrifice, then so be it.

As you made your way to the bathroom, the elevator dinged and you saw all the other boys come onto the floor. It had been weeks since you’ve seen them last. Woojin nodded his head at you respectfully, and you made a mere moment of eye contact with Jeongin.

Now, the both of you seemed to say.

You turned on your heel, suddenly finding the meeting much more important that tending to your wound. All the world’s a stage, you suppose.

Hyunjin stood at the door, and put his hand up once you got to the door. “You’re bleeding.”

“So? This is more important.”

“You’re not necessary. And your blood stained clothes set a bad image, don’t you think?”

You opened your mouth and Hyunjin shushed you, brushing his thumb across your lips for a moment too long. You swore, you swore you saw a look of longing in his eyes. “Watch your mouth, ___. Don’t embarrass the honor of the district you swore to uphold,” he moved his cold hand to the back of your neck, and traced the number nine at the nape of your neck, “Don’t forget who you belong to.”

You bit your tongue, and smiled sweetly, “Yes, Mr. Hwang.”

He smiled, his eyes turning into crescent moons and the little birthmark under his eye becoming even more apparent. “Don’t you forget, I’m your god and your will is mine.”

And you were in that room again, Sir’s fingers deep in your wounds, the white that made your blood freeze and blinded you. “Of course,” you choked out, “Of course.”

It was unlike you, but you left. You needed to get out, leave. You wish you could disappear, just become the wind and let it’s current take you. You walked for a long time, a very long time. You could feel the warmth of blood still dripping from your wound, but you didn’t stop. It was night, and you found a phone booth. You dialed the anonymous hotline and whispered to the operator and address.

An eye for an eye, maybe the whole world would go blind but you sure as hell had your sight.

There was the bridge that overlooked one of the lesser used ports in the city, there were nearly no boats, except for a few modest ones. You walked, trying to find the fire escapes that lined the walls of a few buildings, and hoisted yourself up. It was risky, you knew, but soon they’d have bigger problems on their hands than a local tending to their rooftop garden. Still, you made sure you were non-existent to the naked eye. And soon, you heard it. The wailing of the sirens. There was nowhere to go, and god it felt good to see divinity fall. Everything seemed to move in a blur, you dropped to the ground as soon as you heard the gunshots. You reached for your gun, keeping it close to your face and crawled carefully to the edge of the roof.

The cops and men from District Nine stood behind each of their respective cars, and it was a reckless and unstrategic mess. You couldn’t stay for long, you knew that much, but you picked up on something. One of the girls from the file, there she was. Her ponytail up high and whipping with the wind of the ocean breeze.

You remembered Yugyeom, suddenly, and panicked. The impulsivity of your actions finally dawned on you, and you threw yourself onto the roof of an adjacent building. How far were you from the abandoned building? You weren’t sure. But you knew you had to get there, you knew and your knowledge might not be enough to save you.

You collapsed into the building after running for who knows how long, you could feel your ribs right like a corset around your organs, but you screamed, “Yugyeom? Yugyeom! Yugyeom, please?”

You felt a hand on your shoulder and gasped, pulling and aiming your gun. “_____, it’s just me. I was worried about you. And, uh, some of your friends are here.”

He grabbed your wrist, pulling you along gently to a secluded area. There sat Changbin and Jeongin, and you were glad their faces were obscured by the dark.

“I can explain-”

“No need,” Changbin put his hand up, “Yugyeom here has done quite a bit of talking.”

“Plus,” Jeongin added, “You must be exhausted. How long have you been out in the cold?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “time tends to slip by me.”

Changbin sighed, folding his hands on his lap. “You know, we’re here to help you. I’m sure you could handle this by yourself, but it doesn’t hurt to have friends.”

“Did you hear about the bust?”

“You reported it? Just like that?”

“There were so many cops, I watched them from the rooftop,” you went on, “it was amazing. And that girl- Yeji, she was there. We can use her help.”

“Oh, shit,” Changbin sighed, “Listen, ____, I’m glad you were able to pull it off, but that was supposed to be just a tip. They should’ve watched the port before making a move. Which isn’t your fault, of course. It just means we’re gonna have to keep it low key, so try not to do anything like that without talking to us, okay?”

You stood there for a second, “You’re right,” you murmured, “I’m sorry.”

But you know you would’ve done it again if you had gotten a do-over.

“Well, we have an in now.”

“I think it’s a gamble. Sir Hwang and Kim have ties everywhere, and I still think it’s too much of a risk.”

You pursed your lips, “I think the best thing we can do is dismantle the current system. If we can make them question their loyalty, then they weren’t all that loyal in the first place. I mean, what’s their main reason for doing whatever Sir wants? Take that away, and all you have is the fear. And that’s more powerful than anything.”

Changbin’s voice arose, “That could take months, years even. We need to do that on an accelerated basis, and a very careful and precise one at that.”

Yugyeom chipped in, “I could help. They told me a lot of stuff, in our gang. I was in charge of some of the stuff. Then it’d be harder to tell where the information came from.”

Everyone stood silent, and Yugyeom’s voice came out from the darkness, “I think we’re at a standstill, for now, I think that we should take a moment and think. A lot has happened today, and from what it sounds like, if any of you are gone any longer.”

You parted ways, and followed a very careful route back to the estate. You made sure the coast was clear, and let Yugyeom come back into the house. And as he fell asleep in your bed, you made your way up to the garden.

Winter was coming and taking it’s toll on the earth. It’s cold was harsh. Uncaring, and it splintered the slight frost on cheeks. It forced the sun to a slumber, and even when it is known that it will awaken again, we all seem to forget. We forget until it arises, bleeding its life all over the sky, and then we forget there was ever a time when the sky was barren.

You smoothed your hair down and into your hoodie, pulling your scarf up your nose. Although the bitterness of the cold would freeze the soil and mercilessly kill all the plants, somehow, the garden’s plants seemed to thrive. It was unsettling, but their beauty still entranced you. The nostalgia killed you.

The koi pond was icy at the top, the water still running but thin sheets of glassy water floating on the top. It didn’t bother the koi fish, who merrily swam in the large pond that stretch across the garden in forks like a river. You stepped in, feet first, feeling the frost in your toes immediatedly. You took a step forward, but it was deeper than you thought, stumbling, suddenly you were just below waist deep with the koi. You raised your arms above you, drop of water falling on the crown of your head and cascading down your face. The koi fish, surprisingly, did not mind your presence, and circled around you; nibbling at the hem of your shirt. The koi fish let you stroke your finger at the top of their head, and you enjoyed it, even as the frostbite started to eat at your fingertips.

“It’s been a while.”

“Go to hell.”

“Only when I buy it, my dear.”

You remained seated in the cold pond water, the fish swimming far from you. The cold water began to intrude your clothing. It rose and prickled your skin, the way ice splinters through its cube. It was numbing, and it a comfortable hold on you.

“What do you want?”

“You know, I have been walking this garden everyday in hopes to see you. You and I both know you don’t just come here because it’s pretty.”

Your eyes stayed upon the water, and you looked up at him. “Aren’t you tired? Every time you’ve tried to hurt me, to catch me in some kind of act, or to set me up for some sort of failure, you’ve failed. So tell me, who’s pathetic here?”

He grabbed your face and dunked you underwater, you could barely make out what he was saying. He held you by your throat, letting the water fill your nostrils, and letting short eternities pass him by with shallow grace. You couldn’t see, his figure blending in with the void of night. He let go finally, opting to pull you by the hair. His hand sat on the crown of your head, pressure on your scalp as he forced you to look at him.

“I won’t kill you, because you’ll end up doing that to yourself. You’ll end up just like her, if you don’t watch it. The only end you’ll see is yours. I can’t wait to see you hanging from the ceiling fan.”

He let go of the fistful of your hair, throwing you back and then kicking you in the chest.

“The funeral is in a week. You’re speaking, and think twice of what you say.”

You watched him walk away in silence, blending into the night before him. Your mind went blank, the cold freezing you up. You floated there, on top of the pond. Body bobbing, your face sometimes dipping underwater.

Yugyeom was sitting at the edge of your bed as you arrived, a stream following your steps. He took you into his arms suddenly, and you felt the squeeze at your ribs, feeling your bones crack. You didn’t try and slither out, you just lay there like a ragdoll in his arms.

“Are you okay?” he spoke softly, his voice barely a murmur.

“No,” you cried, “No, I’m not, Yugyeom.”

He let go of you and you collapsed on the floor, rubbing your eyes so hard they felt like they were bruised. He left the room and brought back a towel and some clothes, helping you up, he put your arms around his shoulder and aided you in walking to the bathroom.

“You could catch a cold.”

“He’s so evil, Yugyeom. I can’t do it. I can’t. I can’t bring him down, I can’t save you,” you gasped, “I can’t even save myself.”

He sat you down on the toilet seat and cupped your face, and you looked up at him, barely making out his face between your cloudy eyes and raining tears. “You’re gonna get through this. Just take it day by day, okay? Let’s just get through right now.”

Yugyeom began to sing to you quietly, a last attempt to get you to calm down. He was crouched by you, holding your hand. Your head found it’s resting place on his shoulder, and he used his free hand to move your hair to the side, the nape of your neck exposed. He stopped singing briefly, and squeezed your hand tightly.

“Get cleaned up, okay? I’ll go get you some warm blankets. I don’t want you to get pneumonia.”

Somehow, you fell asleep. Yugyeom held you close, even as your wet hair stained his shirt and you knew you were stealing his warmth. He laid there, with you, and for the first time in a long time, you felt safe. The gun sat in the drawer of your nightstand rather than clenched inside your hand.

The next morning went by quietly, but loudly in actions. Yugyeom’s looks lingered. His touches lasted for a moment too long to be entirely friendly. Before leaving, Yugyeom pulled you, his face maybe a breath away, his lips-

“Be careful,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead, “please.”

You rubbed the middle of your forehead, smiling to yourself as the memory replayed yourself in your head. But then there the feeling was again, water rising from the bottom of your lungs, drowning you inside out. You coughed, gasping, and this elicited a look from everyone around you. Your mind was full, bursting, you thought about the necklace of rope, you thought of the last image of your father. You pressed your hands together, your palms burning and aching for blood to return them.

The Hwang building loomed over, stretching over you and peeling the sky off the heavens. How much longer could it last, and when would god strike it down into the fragments that had once come together?

Hyunjin stood idly by your desk, his arms crossed as he looked at the mass of cubicles that filled the office. He smiled at you as you came in, and you gave him a polite smile. It was still dark as settled into your designated space.

Something seemed off, the air shifty and you were losing your mind. Chan appeared by your desk and you looked at him warily, “How can I help you?”

“I just wanted to know if you were okay. The funeral, you know.”

“I’m a big girl, Chan. I can handle myself.”

He sighed, “We’re here for you, okay? You can trust us.”

“Sure.”

“Hyunjin,” he paused, “We think it’s best if you go home. Take a break.”

“No, thanks.” you hadn’t meant to, but you seemed to hiss it, “I could miss another important meeting.”

“We let Changbin take you back, he cares about you, ____. We all do.”

You hated it, hated every word. The pity, the “poor girl” glances, you hated it. You were not a wounded animal.

“Fine. Fine. Changbin, let’s go.”

Changbin knew to keep silent, and you silently fumed in the expensive car. God, you hated all of this. He picked up Yugyeom, and left the both of you to walk to the estate wordlessly.

“Someone’s in a good mood.”

“Don’t you know that I’m sunshine?”

Yugyeom snorted, “Yeah, okay, Ms. Raincloud.”

“That means I have lightning. But even without it, I could kill you, so watch it.”

“Feisty,” he nudged you, “That’s hot.”

“I’m going to commit first degree murder.”

“But, seriously, can you teach me how to fight?”

You shrugged, “Sure.”

Oh, the things we do to rid ourselves of reality’s wounds.

You bounced on your feet, and Yugyeom did the same. You showed him how to move around an opponent, but he couldn’t follow you. He was awkward with his long legs, stumbling over himself. You flipped him over, and he landed on his back, groaning.

“I thought you were gonna go easy on me.”

You tilted your head, “This is me being easy.”

He got up cautiously, eyeing you with a newfound hesitation. He kept his hands ready, and started to bounce on the balls of his feet. You came behind him again, your back pressed against his, and swept his feet. He tumbled again, and laying on his back he closed his eyes. Out of instinct, you leaned over him. “Hey. I didn’t mean to hurt you too badly, are you-?”

Before you could finish, his knees met your chest and he threw you up, his arms throwing you over his own body. You slapped the mattress, your back feeling a slight sting even with its inherent softness.

He was on top of you, heaving, his arms on either side of your face and his legs trapping your frame under his. His hair stuck to the top of his head, sweat glistening his face. You laid there awkwardly, taking in his details. The shape of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the curves of his lip, and the birthmark beneath his eye. He got up suddenly, clearing his throat.

“I must be pretty good if I beat you, huh?”

“If you call juvenile pranks and not knowing how to counter strategically, then sure, you’re pretty good.”

You gasped as a pain shot up your entire upper body.

“Oh, shit.”

Yugyeom turned and looked at you feeling the mistreated wound. “What happened?”

“I got shot.”

“You what?”

“It was at that diner, I keep forgetting to take care of it.”

“Dumbass. Let me take care of it.”

“No, listen, I can do it myself.”

He cupped your face, “Let me take care of you, yeah?”

Yugyeom smiled at you, glancing up at you every few moments. He was sitting across from you, tending to your wounds gently and carefully.

“I learned it ‘cause my friends are dumb too,” he said quietly, “And I was the only one smart enough to tend to it.”

You kept silent, unsure of what to say. It hurt however, and you grimaced every once in a while, making a small whimper. He paused every couple seconds, asking you if it hurt. Finally, he finished placing the bandage like a cherry on top.

He pulled you up, and he held your hand tightly for an awkward moment even as you were standing straight. He let go, giving you a small smile.

“You should wash up first,” he said, “you have a long day ahead of you.”

Your breath caught in your lungs, and you looked away. “Yeah. I’ll do that.”

The reflection that the mirror held up in an unholy grace seemed unfamiliar to you, the person standing before it. Spilling form your eyes was the image you found of your mom, there where you found her. You hadn’t seen your father since the ceremony. Your eyes reddened, thinking of all the things you could’ve said to your parents. All the things you should’ve said.

You cried as you applied makeup, pulling at your face roughly. You felt so stupid, so incredibly stupid. The black dress you wore made you look like the angel of death, weeping silently and solemn.

You bid Yugyeom goodbye, making sure not to look at him as you stepped out. You took your time, walking through the long halls. Your heels clicked against the marble floors, echoing infinitely down the hall. You were not the first at the service, but everyone gave their regards to you. Sir hwang, however, stood at the pulpit near the caskets. You looked at you father, and his face looked strained even in his place of rest. How could that be? You gripped the casket, and your head dropped over his body.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, “I swear, I swear, I will give you the peace you dreamed of.”

You let out a deep gasp, and sucked a breath back in. And walked towards your mother. You felt so much, you wanted to scream at her for leaving you and you wanted her back. You could see the makeup around her neck and you couldn’t look at her anymore.

You sat at the front, feeling everyone’s eyes flicker to you every few moments. Everyone spoke, and then, right before you went up to speak, Sir Hwang took your place at the pulpit. He stood upon his soapbox, and you knew whatever he was going to preach was retribution for whatever sins had condemned you.

“____ 's parents have not lost their lives in vain, I hope. All of you know the great assets that they were to this district. ____ 's father took his life to avoid interrogation. To protect our integrity, our legacy. And her mother, in grief, and in danger of compromising a mission, took her life. But she, too, did her job well. Espionage is not easy, after all.”

He smiled at you, “And our dear, ____. How much trouble she’s caused. I don’t know where she got her mouth. Such a witty girl, knows a lot. Too much, perhaps. My son, she’s embarrassed him several times to rivals- nay, subordinates and leeches, because she is headstrong. I don’t know where she was taught this, but I believe that we must nip this in the bud. ____ is such a beautiful flower, why should she wilt? And as their parents have proved their dedication to this district, to all that we have worked for and protected. For the empire that takes over, now is the time that she proves herself to us.”

Your heart was ramming, trying to escape your chest. Sir Hwang beckoned you to his side and then pulled you in front of him. The both of you stood in between your mother and father’s casket, Sir Hwang put one hand on your shoulder, and lifted your hand with his free one. And in your hand, he slipped something.

A match.

#hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin imagines #stray kids hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin fic #skz hwang hyunjin #skz #skz fic #skz imagines #skz au #stray kids #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines

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idaisa · 5 years ago

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Major spoilers for everything, but I have a point...

What is with everything having to have a bitter sweet ending all of a sudden. From Game of Thrones turning Dany into a maniac, because, why the fuck not even though there was like 0.5 of a lead up to it, to End Game literally killing off the guy who, if he had survived would’ve had the greatest story arc in the history of cinema (Ironman) and now, The Rise of Skywalker. I know not a lot of people have not seen it, and I’m sorry, MOVE ON from this post cause now I’m gonna get super spoilery. To have these three new movies come out, like I get it the technology is there, why not make new Star Wars movies. And the first one was great, it had nostalgia, it had tragedy, it set things off really well because it brought people in and created a foundation on what we were comfortable with. The second one had so much potential because it had so many places to go, but instead we go this fanboy esk movie, made by someone who clearly doesn’t understand the fans, but whatever that’s for a different rant, and now we have the Rise of Skywalker. A movie that was supposed to fix the problems of the last and also finish off a 9 movie saga. What I got felt like it was doing damage control for the last, and thus didn’t have time/space to do what it was originally meant to do. It shoved a out of fucking nowhere villain (they could’ve made JarJar the bad guy and I’d feel like it came from about the same place) but there was a ray of hope, there was one character who if they did him justice, I would’ve been fine with every other mishap. And that is Kylo Ren/Ben Solo. A character who again could’ve had a very impressive story arc. Starting of a sith, murdering his own father, haunting a young woman who slowly motivates him to question his path in life. This third movie could’ve been his redemption and reward for being good, but you know what happens? He dies. After a brilliant scene between him and his father he goes to save Rey, YES redemption moment offered. Then he fights off his Knights of Ren and faces Palpatine by her side, YES redemption asked for. But then when Rey dies, and he is left with a future without her he uses what is left of his power to bring her back to life, they kiss (yay for those Reylo fans because this movie gets flirty between them REAL quick) and then he dies. She is left alone in the world and he doesn’t even get a force ghost moment with his mother and Uncle. He gets nothing. He saves the girl, he rejects the darkness within himself and he gets nothing.

And yes it could be argued that he saved the person he loved the most, and got a kiss, but even his very soul doesn’t find afterlife happiness because we see NOTHING.

Side point, the relationship between Padme and Anakin was more satisfying to watch end. OMG FUCKING SHOCKER, but seriously, they fell in love it was forbidden, she gets pregnant and with is decent into the darkness, you watch the purest of things, love, withstand that. Who does Padme ask for? Anakin, who does Vader ask about? Padme. And yes she dies, but it served a purpose, to set the twins off, and to add to Vaders mixed emotions about everything. Sure she died stupidly, but still I felt it gave more to the plot than Ben’s death. Ben’s death felt like, a hero of this series (and yes by the end of this he is a goddamn hero) didn’t win. How amazing would it have been to see the contrast, Anakin turns dark, looses the person he loves the most, Ben turns light and gets to be with the person he loves the most, I AM JUST SAYING THERE WAS AN OPPORTUNITY HERE! And they missed it. Keep in mind I’m not a reylo fan-girl, but if you’re going to give us that relationship, then actually do it.

So my problem with this is, what are we trying to say here? that you can do terrible things but still redeem yourself, sure, but will you see any kind of happy ending here? no, you don’t even get to go to the equivalent of Jedi heaven. And when you’ve invested years of your life watching and following a potentially great moral story here, it’s unsatisfying. Now I am not one of those people who will trash a movie, set fire to all my merch and call it a day. But like how I felt with Endgame, what was the point of all that? why do I feel so deflated and unfulfilled by this story? Because I grew up with films that gave you trials and tragedy but they (for the most part) let the good guy win, and live happily ever after. Rey doesn’t even seem that well off, she finishes the movie, again in a fucking desert. I’m just being hit with these movies and tv series that I invest large chunks of my life into and I’m feeling like in the end I get punched in the gut for my loyalty and it kind of sucks. My favourite trilogy is still the original three. And in some ways I guess this new one beats out the prequels as well. But I just feel like fans, who invest their money, time and emotions into your stories, deserve better. It doesn’t have to be roses, sure he could die and it would say that sacrificing yourself for the one you love is important. BUT HE DIDN’T EVEN GET A FORCE GHOST, he didn’t get that in soul redemption and WHY, what would it have done to the plot to show him as redeemed as Vadar. I just... I feel like there are happy endings and there are endings that make a point, there are endings that teach us lessons and there are endings that satisfy us. Not everyone is going to be happy, you can’t impress millions, but don’t leave me feeling like I could do better. Don’t leave me feeling like some of the good guys don’t win. The thing I loved about the origional trilogy is that it gave you a villain, a real villain who kills potentially billions through out his life (planets and all) turn around and say no to that darkness. And you know what he got? fucking peace, he got to move on to the afterlife redeemed and at peace. And I just think if you are going to kill off Ben fucking solo, an actual skywalker, call the movie the RISE OF SKYWALKER (hinting at some kind of ascendance for him), then maybe you want to give the last SKYWALKER who sacrifices himself for the greater good of lets face it EVERYONE, afterlife peace.

Maybe they’ll do an extended version, change the ending, who the fuck knows, but for now, like with those other franchises, I feel like my persistent loyalty was not rewarded and that kinda stings.

#tros spoilers #got spoilers #enggame spoilers #reylo #star wars #star wars the rise of skywalker #rant #Disney

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ellie-sande · 5 years ago

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Euphoria- a dumb bitch’s HOT TAKE

Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m gonna do an analysis of the characters I think are the most interesting (read as fuck McKay, he boring as SHIIIITT), so this shit is gonna be looooong. Y’all better brace yourselves UwUUUU 🥺😝😩😈

The episode: I didn’t really feel a strong emotion towards it??? Like, it was definitely the sloppiest episode by far in terms of the way that everything was edited and the timeline of events. It was visually stimulating and literal poetic cinema, as always, but that’s nothing new with Euphoria. I think a lot of the jumps between characters and scenes were completely unnecessary and honestly kind of agitating?? Instead of leaving us with new unanswered questions, we have the same ones we’ve had the whole season? In my opinion, it would’ve been more effective for them to have fully closed some plot points or at least bring them to a point where I’m still interested (I’m looking at you, Nate and Jules plot). But like, overall it's still a pretty decent episode. I think the ending was messy because we don’t know how much of it was just a music video and how much was legit part of the storyline which is a BIG DEAL. It just came after one of the best in the season, which made it feel significantly weaker. but tHat’S jUsT my oPINION 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Jules:

I think Jules is the biggest wildcard of the season, and we know so little about her, so it’s kind of difficult to understand what her intention is. I think that’s absolutely intentional by the writers because they want the audience in Rue’s head, y’know??? That’s my way of warning y’all that this shit is LONG 🤷🏾‍♀️

When Jules came clean about everything, she was doing what she thought was best for the relationship, which is open communication. She could tell that her not telling Rue about Nate was ruining the relationship (she said so in ep. 7). There was never malicious intent in her telling Rue about her hookup and Nate. She was just doing what she thought was right, and tbh??? IM PROUD OF THAT DUMBASS. One of her biggest issues is definitely effective and open communication and this is definitely a step in the right direction, y’know??

THAT BEING SAID, when I first watched the episode, I thought that her and Anna still flirting or whatevah and being iN loVE was out of character and went against the arc that I was expecting from Jules. BUUUUUT, I thought about it and here’s my take: I think that Jules just wants to be free from the external pressures in east highland, y’know? This whole entire season, her character did not get a fucking BREAK so I totally understand. There’s so much responsibility and pressure for her to be perfect or act a certain way, and for her, running away was the easiest way for her to disassociate herself from that responsibility. No 17 yr old should feel like the weight of the world and the safety of the people that she loves are on her shoulders. My bby @lameparty made an amazing point in our chat about how all of her actions (being more “free” and open about her issues with rue) are futile attempts at replicating the liberation and nonchalant-ness she felt while she was away. It’s her way of desperately (and unhealthily) bringing home that atmosphere.

i’ve seen a lot of people assume that jules is fully aware of her power over rue and takes advantage of it, uses her, and leaves her before she needs her next fix of attention, but i totally don’t agree??? i think that for the most part, jules has been emotionally supportive of rue and has been there for her when she needed her. i mean she did that LITERALLY EVERY EPISODE EXCEPT FOR 6+7 (for good reason. the bitch was going through the mOST). she never wanted or intended for rue to form a dependency on her, she just wanted her best friend to be sober and thrive because her mom was an addict and that ruined her adolescence (for obvious reasons). so when the people around her kept pressuring her with the weight of rue’s sobriety, she freaked out a bit (and for good reason. no one should be anyone’s sole reason to do literally ANYTHING). she knew that regardless of the severity of her actions, rue’s relapse was inevitable if the relationship continued on like that (i mean, in ep. 5, the bitch said WHEN you hate me, not if because she knows that in rue’s current mental state, a relapse, miscommunication, or a wrong step on jules’s side is inevitable). PLUS, jules is an extremely volatile person. her first instinct is to physically and emotionally escape whenever the going gets tough, so i think she knew that this probably couldn’t work.

Moreover, the bitch is embracing her queerness and as much as I don’t really looooveeee how she’s doing it, it makes sense with her character. I think she uses sex as an escape and a form of validation, so of course this is how she’s going to explore her sexuality. She just wants to be free and have fun and be adventurous atm and the whole Nate thing + being in her first relationship is not IT for her rn and that’s totally fair. That being said, I think her arc is gonna be about her accepting that freedom isn’t just sex and drugs??? It’s way more than that and comes in different (and way healthier) ways, but that’s what growing is. It’s learning from mistakes and figuring out what you like, so I can’t really be mad at her.

BUUUUUTTTT, my bitch said/did some things that i can’t stand by. she said that she loved rue at the train station, knowing that rue is weak for her and would probably give in and come with her on this wild adventure. that is FUCKING PROBLEMATIC. and prior to that, the bitch said that she THOUGHT THAT RUE WOULD THRIVE IN THE ENVIRONMENT THAT SHE WAS IN. WHAT??? as much as i believe that she had good intentions and she really just wanted to explore the world with her girl, that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s still manipulative at worst, inconsiderate at best, and problematic considering the dynamic that the two of them have. i get that she genuinely wants rue to meet her new friends and anna, but all in all, it’s so reckless for her to even consider it. she’s aware that rue is a recovering addict and she was willing to put her in a toxic environment where she would be surrounded by drugs and alcohol, making a relapse literally SO EASY. and on top of that, jules knows that she’s probably going to hook up with anna and considering that rue is so in love with jules, that would’ve hurt her soooo much, enough for her to probably want to numb the pain, y’know??? but all in all, that’s what growing up is. it’s two steps forward and one step back, y’know? even though jules is starting to see the beauty in honest communication and queerness, she did try to manipulate rue, even if that wasn’t necessarily her intention.

I think that Anna replaces Jules’s older, non-committal man to pine over. She never really fixed her problem of trying to find validation from the wrong people, it’s just expressing itself in a different form. It’s obvious that Anna is significantly older than her (peep the message that Anna sent about being shocked that Jules is in high school) and I think that just like a lot of people her age, she feels special or validated when she’s liked by someone older and more experienced. The relationship is obviously supposed to be a type of foil to her previous relationship with cis white men. Add the fact that there are facets of Anna’s personality that remind Jules of Rue, the gal that Jules is falling for, which makes them the perfect person for Jules to pine over because the relationship is something that she’s used to (texting, non-committal, toxic).

In summary, I think she loves the idea of Anna (independent, older, experienced, free spirited, and fun) but loves rue regardless of the fact that she doesn’t/can’t provide those things for her. I think that jules also associates Anna with adventure and discovery and as the young ambitious bitch that she is, it obviously is an attractive idea for her y’know??? for her, i think rue is the stability, monogamy and commitment that she might not be ready for yet, even tho she loves rue and wants a future with her. Her relationship with Rue is hard work and maybe a bit heartbreaking, but overall, the connection is stronger and the passion and commitment that she’ll give and receive will make the relationship way more fulfilling than whatever half-assed thing she’ll have with Anna. Next season, she’ll probably come back either heartbroken, unfulfilled or still in love with Rue, but the question is should rue take her back or nah y’know?? She’ll definitely be pining for Rue when she gets back and rue may not be available or willing anymore. We’ll seeeeeeeee.

Rue:

My bitch is in PAIIINNN and I hate it. I think that her saying no to leaving with Jules even if a big part of her wanted to run away with her is amazing progress for her. She finally chose her family and herself first, not Jules, which will break her dependence on Jules. Like, I’m SOOOOO proud of her and she’s come so far as a character. I’m not sure as to where the music video starts and the season ends, but I have two theories. Either she: never actually snorted that line of coke and we’ll see her progress next season OR she overdosed and came back to life. The fact that the song ended so abruptly means that the season will probably start right where it left off. Unless told otherwise tho, the show ends with her crying and remembering her family and all the shit she’s put them through because that’s a waaayyy more interesting arc (EDIT: JACOB SAID THAT RUE’S DEFINITELY ALIVE!!! I KEEP WINNING FR!!! MY! MIND!) She’s no longer a selfish addict with no reason to live. She’s seeing that the people around her, even without Jules there, support her and have been by her side through the most and maybe that’s good enough atm.

Lexi:

against popular opinion, i don’t necessarily think that the big reveal of her sexuality is that she’s a lesbian. to ME, it seems like they’re setting up that she’s ace and probs bi or homo-romantic??? the average sexual person knows who they want to fuck or kiss, and the fact that she has to ask for advice from her sister I think is foreshadowing that she doesn’t know. Not because she’s shy or because she’s a lesbian, but because she truly just doesn’t want to fuck anyone. and if that’s the case i’m SO EXCITED TF??? i’ve never seen that type of character arc on mainstream media and it’s sooo necessary to show that story in a positive light. i think that the show is waaayyy too intentional and clever to not give proper hints at her liking rue. If they were setting up her and rue, they should’ve done more to portray the pining on Lexi’s side. they’ve set up more of a longing for friendship and comfort than anything else and tbh???? that’s wayyy more interesting and relatable for me??? but that’s my opinion 🤷🏾‍♀️

That being said, i could see her and rue together next season bc the foreshadowing is sooo vague that they can do whatever the fuck they want next season. maude and zendaya need to work on their chemistry then bc iTS NOT CLICKING. i definitely think that rue is going to use her tho, which isn’t fair to lexi. additionally, lexi is a bit too soft to stand her ground with rue, and if rue goes down the relapse route next season, their dynamic is going to be the same toxic dynamic they had up until episode 5. She’s an amazing person that deserves better than being an easy out or second best.

i think that because she was raised in her sister’s shadow with a shit ton less attention and love from literally everyone in her family, she has low self-image, so it would make sense that she wants the intimacy that comes from a relationship. maybe her addiction is just being there for others bc no one was there for her when she needed them??? @lameparty spilt the truth tea bc they said that “she exists for other people right now and she exists in the safe + limiting shadow of her sister,” and i think that rue represents a sort of freedom from that because rue is only hers and rue can’t see her as second best to her sister. as a fellow semi-abandoned child turned mom-friend, this makes total sense to me bc she wants to make sure that everyone around her never feels as neglected as she did her whole life.

Rue and Jules:

honestly, i’m tired of people blaming rue’s relapse on jules not being there. she literally has had MI since she was a kid. this shit ain’t new. and even if it was new, the fact that so many of the viewers were angry at jules for not being there during rue’s manic/depressive episode angers me for three reasons. a) JULES WAS DEPRESSED. she legit didn’t leave her bed for the whole week, to the point that her father was worried. b) just like jules, rue probably only told her that she was feeling under the weather and that she missed her. how is she supposed to magically put together that rue is going through a depressive/manic episode??? c) no person should be your sole reason to be happy. y’all want a CODEPENDENCY not a relationship, and like i totally understand wanting to protect rue. she’s the main character and we’re always in her head, but from episode three, it was pretty obvious that her definition of love is really skewed. she said that you know that you love someone when you can’t live without them, which is generally reaaaallly unhealthy.

these two are such an interesting dynamic, and tbh, i think they’re actually really good for each other (not rn, obviously). i think this is a case of right person, wrong time. they’re obviously soul mates/star crossed lovers, but the problem is that neither of them is mature enough to be in a serious relationship. rue is a recovering addict with a dependency issue and jules is an overly eager, ambitious person that’s never been in a loving relationship. one of the biggest issues in their relationship is the fact that these two have different wants and needs from the relationship. rue fell for jules almost immediately, has wanted to be with her ever since, and wants stability, comfort, and monogamy. on the other hand, jules wants adventure, excitement, and exploration. jules obviously pictures spending her life with rue, but the problem is that in the moment, she can’t be with rue without hurting her because she’s still exploring her queerness, which means that she’ll have one foot out the door until she’s gotten her fill.

because of that, i’m really proud of BOTH OF THEM for standing their ground and choosing themselves instead of each other. i have no doubt that both of them had a part of themselves that regretted leaving the other person, but at the end of the day, it was what was necessary.

even though rue was the person that suggested running away, she became hesitant because she finally thought about her FAMILY. y’all, that’s AMAZING character development because, at the beginning of the season, rue literally walked over every person that was in her life in order to get her fix. she stole from her mom, got lexi to pee for her, yelled at fez when he didn’t give her drugs, etc. up until episode 5 or so, rue was an extremely selfish character with one exception: jules. from the moment she met jules, her only goal was to make her as happy as jules makes her just by being there, and because of that, she has sacrificed her comfort in some situations. this is the exact opposite of her previous issue where instead not caring about anyone including herself, she only cares about one person an exceeding amount. both of these are problematic. more importantly, this allows her to finally break her dependency on jules. rue fell for jules and stayed sober for her because it felt like she was her flashlight in the dark cave that is her life, and now, she has to find that jules isn’t the only light. her family, lexi, fez, the rest of the girls are all there AND my hope is that she finds that she can be her own light and do this for herself. as much as her decision hurts both the audience and rue, this shows that she’s not just a stagnant character and that she’s learning and evolving into an amazing person. i’m proud of jules because she didn’t stay behind out of guilt or worry. that would’ve perpetuated rue’s dependency and overall, probably made jules resent rue.

i think that jules was being honest when she said that she was in love with rue, i really do. there was an earnest and almost shy look in her eyes, which was so cute??? but it’s honestly more than that. jules looks for rue no matter where she is. for her, rue is her home and something that she finds comfort in. it was obvious in episode 4 and 7. in episode 4, jules runs to rue because she finds comfort in her. whenever she’s in rue’s arms, she feels a warmth that i don’t think she’s ever felt with anyone else and when she finds that tyler isn’t real, her first thought is that rue has been there for her through thick and thin and is her safe place. it’s obvious why she gravitates towards anna. she sees rue in her, which immediately makes her feel at ease. add the fake deep convo, their sex appeal and the drugs, and you have a hella messy situation. and then there’s the fucking romeo and juliet passage that jules recites to rue that basically says that she’s in love with rue, but thinks everything is happening too fast and will come crashing down. she knows that given that they had more time/weren’t so eager to get together, the relationship would be beautiful and flourish, but they aren’t giving each other the space to grow, which was eventually the end of their relationship (at least for now).

Kat:

I’m proud of her. She did the damn thing. NEXT

Nate:

I think that Nate and McKay are not all that different. His breakdown this ep is more or less for the same reasons as McKay’s breakdown after those guys assaulted him in front of his girl which is that he felt emasculated by his dad overpowering him. In episode two, he did the same flexing thing after his workout. I think it’s his way of feeling powerful and masculine. All this just shows that he needs fucking therapy, but he’s not just some sociopath y’know? His character is deeper than that and can feel pain and anguish. I’m honestly so happy that they included that because it both shows the abuse in his relationship with his dad which obviously carries into his relationships with women and grounds him as a character. that being said, nate is an asshole and there’s no better ship on this show than nate + electric chair 🥺😝😩(but, i’ll settle for prison or whatevahhhhh)

all in all, I think that this show has two amazing themes in it which are: teens are waayyy more resilient than people think and addiction comes in different forms and each of them is problematic and selfish. i think that the show is amazing at getting people to empathize with rue, but i feel like people need to realize that in the grand scheme of things, all of these characters are HUMAN and make a lot of shitty mistakes. no character should be cancelled just because they make a mistake, especially when the characters are supposed to be literal hormonal teenagers????? every character on this show is deserving of the audience's understanding (except McKay. FUCK HIM)

#euphoria #rue x jules #jules x rue #lexi howard #nate jacobs #im spiraling can y'all tell??? akldjfl;asdfkadslkjf;asdkjf;#jules protection squad where y'all AT????

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ddaenghoney · 5 years ago

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Thanks for responding to my asks I didn't realize they would get as long as they did! Thanks for responding to the whole manipulation thing, I wasn't sure but it kind of felt like it because of how Jimin would continuously pull away from y/n but would tell her that he loved her and such, but yeah manipulation doesnt seem like it fits from what you explained. There's a different word that I can't out my finger on that u feel like would be a better fit but it's absolutely not coming to me :( 1/2

2/2 Also with the anon thing idk, like I'm chill with being on anon but idk how I'd feel being off it, maybe I'll figure it out eventually until then I'll just co tinue to root for y/n and Yoongi

Ahh, I see where those parts about Jimin pulling back and forth can be confusing, and seen definitely as a level of toxicity in the relationship! Maybe this will clear things up a little bit more about his motives in those instances from what can be analyzed of what’s released thus far; the point of Jimin and Y/N’s fwb relationship, for them, was because Jimin isn’t allowed to publicly date, so for them it started as a way to be together but still “ casual “ in the sense of their being no obligation to stick to one another if either person caught feelings for someone outside of their relationship.

Without telling each other during their fwb relationship, Y/N and Jimin both developed real, strong feelings for each other, but when it got to the breaking point for Y/N wanting more out of her contract than what Jimin would’ve helped her with he did finally break it off as a way to not hinder her by his own selfish opinions on her career. The reason he told Y/N that he didn’t want to be her boyfriend and implied to her that it was only ever physical is because he was trying to push her away from him (as well as not let himself drag her back into that unfulfilling relationship), at the party when he admitted his feelings it was because he heard how Y/N felt about him as well and he lets himself get dragged back in for a second, but then stops it again because he has to tell her what he thinks about her contract (that he doesn’t want her to receive credit).

Until the party scene they weren’t completely honest with one another, which is why their relationship could’ve come across as very distant and hurtful to their own feelings (mainly Y/N’s is what we’ve seen so far, but there’s more to learn about Jimin too). Y/N was right when she told Jimin that he let them fall in love when he knew it would end like that, but in a lot ways Y/N showed that she already knew to an extent that he had a less than enthusiastic opinion about her contract getting changed, and she always said that if they communicate more maybe things would be different between them, so they’re both reasons for that inevitable dissension.

Hopefully that clears up a bit of what’s been going on with Jimin’s visible inner turmoil about the relationship between him and Y/N! : ) And absolutely stay on anon as long as you would like, that’s completely your choice, friend!!💘💕 Thank you for your follow up comment, I always enjoy blabbing about the story LOL 🥰🥰

#veil asks #anonymous #tw #/ manipulation tw #/ psychological manipulation tw #/ emotional manipulation tw

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skelenyxx · 6 years ago

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//i’ll save you// ~ I’ll Save You

//Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life.//

/*/

"Nothing we do can change what happened, Ava, but we can make sure that it never happens again."

Perhaps Shoto was right. Nothing I do could ever change the past right? As true as that fact was, it didn't ease the shame and regret that followed in the wake of that past. I could work to make sure that no one ever experienced that pain again, like Shoto suggested, but deep down, I knew that wouldn't be enough to wash away the pain I felt.

After all, it was my fault that Izuku had gotten mortally injured in that battle.

"I realize now that I probably should've talked to you about all of this before," Shoto added. I looked up at him again, his dual-colored eyes watching me again from under his red and white hair. "It's obvious you've been in a lot of pain since the fight, and I should've tried to help sooner."

I shook my head. "Don't apologize, Shoto. You haven't done anything wrong. Besides, you've had a lot of stuff to deal with since the fight as well." I may have been dealing with a lot, but I wasn't conceited enough to begin to believe that I was the only one. Shoto's father, Endeavor, was one of the Pros killed by Shigaraki and his hoard of Nomu, and handling the repercussions of that couldn't have been a small feat. "I've been meaning to ask, how have things been since...? Have you been doing okay?"

"I can't say things have been easy," he replied with a shrug. "I may have despised that man, but in the end, he was still my father. It's hard to explain... But since he's no longer around, my family and I have been able to work on the paperwork to get my mother out of the hospital."

"That's amazing, Shoto."

"She won't be officially released for another couple weeks, but it's a relief to know that the end of that torment is finally in sight. Without my father around, it's like a weight has been lifted off of all of us. It feels like we can actually be a family, but at the same time, his absence in itself is another weight added."

His mother meant the world to him, and understandably so. After all he went through in his childhood, it was honestly a miracle that he made it through as well as he did. His father was an abusive, overbearing figure that put all his own unfulfilled dreams and desires onto Shoto, and it resulted in a very tough home life. I knew I couldn't understand his true feelings about his father's death and how conflicting they might be, but I could at least understand his happiness in the fact that his mother would finally be coming home.

"I'm glad that things are going alright for you and your family. You deserve it," I said with probably the most genuine smile I'd been able to wear in weeks.

"Thanks."

We grew quiet again, occupying our minds as we watched Izuku in the hospital bed. His chest rose and fell evenly in time with the beep of the heart monitor, IV bags hanging by his bed labeled things like saline, and other machines all cranking along to the functions of his body. I wished he would just open his eyes, the green irises taking in his surroundings and analyzing everything the way they always did. I wanted to see his sweet, genuine smile and hear the determination in his voice. Izuku was the one who made me feel like I could be strong, and without him, I felt like my strength had been sucked out through a straw, leaving me weak and helpless. Perhaps it was a bad thing that I was so dependent on my friend, and it was such a stark contrast to the person I was many years ago, but I guess that was to be expected when you have a story like mine. Izuku taught me what it meant to be a friend, and what it meant to be a hero. To me, he was the epitome of those words, doing everything in his power to help the people he cared about and putting everything on the line in order to protect others. But in the end, it was his determination as a hero and a friend that put him in that bed.

No, it was me that put him in that bed.

"It's so strange seeing him like this," Shoto said after a while. "He was always so energetic and passionate. It's weird not seeing him around school."

I nodded. "I miss him. I just want him to wake up."

"Midoriya has probably the strongest heart of any person I know. I'm sure he's doing whatever he can to get back to us. He won't give up."

"But what if that's not enough?"

Shoto shook his head. "Don't think about it that way. Believe in him. Midoriya always finds a way to win. As he would put it: 'That's what heroes do.'"

Because that's what heroes do. Izuku had said that sentence so many times over the years. Anytime someone second guessed his motives or questioned why he wouldn't back down or retreat, his response was always those five words. Izuku was a true hero, not just to me but to everyone around him. There wasn't a sliver of doubt in my mind that he was meant to be the next symbol of peace, just like his mentor, All Might, and he had chased that very dream since he was a quirkless elementary school boy. He never gave up on it, and it lead him to becoming one of the most promising young heroes of our generation.

"So what do you normally do while you're here?" Shoto asked me suddenly. "You spend practically every free minute you have here at the hospital and it doesn't seem Midoriya has all too many visitors to keep you company anymore."

I shrugged. "Sometimes I watch the news or read. Sometimes his mom his here so she and I chat for a while. But a lot of the time, I just talk to him."

"Talk to him?" Shoto furrowed his brows in confusion at my statement.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I don't know too much about superstitious beliefs here Japan, even after living here for three years, so I don't know if you guys have the same belief, but in America, a lot of people believe that if you talk to a person in a coma that you have a close connection to, they can hear your voice. I don't know if I believe it or not, but I want to; I just want him to know that I'm here still and that we're all waiting for him to wake up."

"What do you say to him?"

"Different things each time. I usually recount what's going on in school, what's been happening with his mother, and what the media has been saying about him or about Hero society as a whole. And a lot of the time I just talk about old memories of us and our friends over the years."

"Sounds like you're a lot more sentimental than you like to let on," Shoto tried at a bit of humor. Surprisingly, it worked, and the smallest curl graced my lips.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

/*/

Shoto stayed with me at the hospital for a few hours before eventually excusing himself. He said he would've stayed with me until visiting hours were over, but he was supposed to be meeting his mother's doctor with his older sister to work out some of the finer details of Mrs. Todoroki's release. I was glad that in the dark wake of such a devastating fight, he was able to find some light in it.

His words and advice still rung in my head. He was right; I had to start moving forward one way or another. Maybe I didn't deserve to, but I'm supposed to be a hero, and a hero saves people. I needed to keep working, keep learning so that this would never happen again. That's what Izuku would want.

The League of Villains may have been bested, but there will always be another baddie around the corner, each stronger than the last. Until hero society stabilized and a new symbol of peace was in place, villains would continue to grow ever more cocky, and more people would be in danger. If Izuku were awake, he'd be doing everything in his power to be ready for that and to protect people, so for his sake, ultimately I had to do the same.

But I knew that it was far from me truly moving forward. My body and mind may be working toward the future, but my heart was to remain in that hospital room with Izuku until the day his eyes opened again. But when would that day come? I didn't know. Sometimes it felt truly hopeless, like it would never happen at all.

Izuku wouldn't be in a coma if it weren't for me, that I knew within every fiber of my soul. He saved me, not just in the fight but so many times since the day we'd met. I wouldn't ever be able to repay him or atone for my failures until he came back.

I stood beside his bed, noticing the clock on the wall strike 10PM, telling me that visiting hours were over, and I felt a sudden determination wash over me. I knew what had to be done.

"I promise, Izuku," I spoke softly, my hand reaching out and gently gripping his. "On my life, I'll find a way. I'll save you."

This time, I'll be his hero.

/*/

//2 Months Ago, Tokyo//

"Oh my god," the young woman breathed as she took in the scene of destruction before her. Her face was largely obscured by the hood and mask that came up over her nose, but you could see the horror written in her blue eyes as she surveyed the battleground.

"Angel Blade!" a voice shouted from not too far off. The girl turned, her white and gold cape fluttering in the wind, as she came face to face with a boy her age, his green body suit blurring in her vision as he leaped around the rubble to her side.

They quickly ducked behind a large piece of building that had fallen, crouching as they breathed heavily. Angel Blade pulled her mask down and looked at the boy. "This is really bad, Deku."

Deku nodded, his green hair shaking haphazardly as he frowned. "Shigaraki just took out every Pro Hero that faced him. He's gotten exponentially stronger since All For One passed him his power."

"I'm not even sure I can say that's Shigaraki anymore," Angel Blade replied with a quick glance over the rubble at the thing that stood at the center of the destruction. "With all that power, he's become a monster. If the top Pros couldn't take him, I don't know if anyone can."

Another group of figures came into view, running towards the pair from behind some more rubble nearby. Angel Blade recognized them to be Ingenium, Uravity, Froppy, Ground Zero, Creati, Tsukoyomi, Red Riot, and Shoto, more of her classmates from UA.

"What are we going to do?" Creati, a tall brunette with elegant features asked once the group had reached them. "He'll destroy the entire city!"

"We're going to fight him, you idiot!" Ground Zero all but shouted, balling his fists at his sides. "We were asked to be here as backup and what kinda backup are we if we don't fill in when shit gets rough?"

"I agree with Kaachan," Deku spoke up, accidentally letting slip the nickname of his childhood friend rather than his hero name. Under the stress of the situation, nobody could blame him. "We can't let him keep going on or he'll just continue growing stronger and hurt a lot more people."

"Can we even defeat a villain like that?" Ingenium asked under the mask of his white armor, at the moment more concerned about the safety of his friends. Shigaraki had become a menace to behold, and to him it seemed like a fruitless effort to even try to fight him.

"We have to," Deku said with determination. "We may not be Pros yet, but we're the last heroes standing. The citizens are counting on us to protect them. We have to fight, and we have to win."

The group knew their friend was right, and although they had trained for fighting villains such as this, nothing could've prepared them for the fear that arose when actually forced to face power like Shigaraki's.

"I'm in," Angel Blade said, hands resting on the hilts of her swords. "If Deku is fighting then so am I."

"Me as well," Shoto spoke up.

"And me," Red Riot added, his spiked red hair practically glowing the light of the burning surroundings. "This is what we do as heroes, and it's not very manly to run away from an enemy."

"Tch, I was going to fight whether you guys joined me or not. Just don't get in my way," said Ground Zero, glaring at his friends.

"I think its best for you seven to fight since you're the strongest front line fighters of the group," Creati strategized, also looking at the bird man Tsukoyomi and the "white knight" Ingenium.

"Froppy, Creati and I will work on freeing trapped civilians and helping the injured heroes get out of the way," Uravity decided. "You guys won't be able to fight at full power until the area is cleared, and we can't hope to win without that power."

"Actually," Ingenium spoke up, "against a monster like that, I won't be of much help. I'll only get in the way if I try to fight. My attacks aren't powerful enough to take him on. I think my abilities would be more useful in helping to evacuate people. The quicker we get people out, the sooner you guys can go all out."

"I'm in the same boat," Tsukoyomi added sullenly. "Between the fires in this destruction and your three quirks," he looked at Angel Blade, Shoto, and Ground Zero, "Dark Shadow will be too weak to hold up against Shigaraki. It'd be better if I help the wounded and trapped." He bowed his head. "I'm sorry I can't be of more use."

"It's okay," Deku assured. "Getting people to safety is still a huge help."

Uravity placed a hand on Deku's shoulder. "Be careful," she looked around at the group that was about to march into the fray of battle, "all of you. And good luck."

"Always," Angel Blade smiled, pulling up her white mask over her mouth and nose.

The two groups split off, the rescuers heading into the wreckage of buildings to remove citizens and downed heroes, while the fighters dodged crumbling rubble on their way to the epicenter of the battle to face the creature that Shigaraki had become. Angel Blade stood at the edge of the giant crater created by the fight and stared at the monster in apprehension. Nomu or human, she wasn't sure what he was anymore. His once frail body was now swollen beyond its normal size, at least ten feet tall with massive distorted muscles and strange structures like spikes protruding from random parts. Sometimes the form of his appendages would change into things like large blades or pointed spikes sharp enough to impale anyone within arms reach. The incredulous amount of quirks dwelling within his body had created this atrocity, and they were all bursting forth simultaneously. It was a terrifying sight.

Deku and Shoto came to stand beside her, determination written in their features.

"Ready?" Deku asked.

Angel Blade nodded, eyes narrowing at the monster as she unsheathed her dual swords and activated her quirk. Orange flames licked down her arms, engulfing her hands and the swords in the blaze. Hellfire, her quirk was called. Very few knew the reason behind that name, but she had a feeling that her secret was going to be out after tonight. She couldn't afford to hold back against this foe or else risk the safety of herself and her friends.

Shoto and Deku also activated their quirks, fire engulfing Shoto's left side as a horrendously cold mist played on his right, and power surged through Deku as he let his quirk flow into his limbs, using Full Cowling to enhance his speed and strength immeasurably.

"Let's do this," she said, leaping off the edge of rubble into the crater alongside her friends.

The following battle was a frenzy of exchanged blows, fire, and ice. Ground Zero maneuvered through the air, using his explosions for propulsion and blasting Shigaraki in the face to knock him off balance any chance he could get. Deku, Red Riot, and Angel Blade dodged in and out of range of the enemy's reaches, attacking where they could and parrying when they couldn't, while Shoto used his ice and fire from a distance to burn or freeze him every chance he could get. Their movements and strategy were fluid, working seamlessly like a well oiled machine. They had trained alongside each other for three years, but that kind of teamwork is something that comes with more than just cooperation. It's understanding your comrades' quirks, theirs strengths, their weaknesses, and their fight styles. It's understanding how they'll approach a situation, how they'll react to peril, and what their motives are. The teamwork they showcased, it came from more than just being comrades or classmates.

It came from being friends, friends who trusted each other with their lives.

But no matter their cohesiveness and their power, it still wasn't enough. Shigaraki was more powerful than any villain or Nomu they had ever faced, and no matter how much they threw at him, he fought back with twice the strength. Not only that, but any damage they did to him only regenerated, leaving him practically unscathed. Meanwhile, the young heroes were beginning to wear down, taking hits left and right, unable to fully outmaneuver the massive beast that they faced. If they didn't find a way to turn the fight around, and soon, they would ultimately lose the fight the same as the Pros before them.

"Shit," Angel Blade cursed in pain as she slammed against what was left of a wall. She gripped her side, trying to force the searing pain to subside and she grimaced. She had moved in for another attack, using her flaming dual blades to slice into the monster, but she wasn't fast enough to move back before he had swung out with his massive arm, knocking her across the battlefield.

"Are you okay?" Shoto asked in concern as he approached her position, sliding on his ice to come defend his beaten friend as she tried to regain her footing.

"I think so," she responding, using one of her blades dug into the ground to pull herself back into a standing position. She grimaced again, clenching her jaw as her side felt like it was being stabbed. "I think I broke a few ribs," she added.

"Can you still fight?"

She nodded, pulling her blade out of the ground. "We won't be able to hold him off much longer like this."

"I know. We just have to hold out until the others finish evacuating the area." Shoto sent out another ice wave, the glacier grabbing hold of Shigaraki's arm, preventing him from landing a blow to Ground Zero as the angry blonde blew through the air yet again, firing another blast to the beast's face. It was enough to stall him slightly, but he quickly broke free of the hold, shattering the ice as though it were a thin sheet of glass.

Angel Blade reactivated her quirk, the warm sensation traveling down her arms and engulfing the swords she held as an extension of her attack range. Her flames could only affect what she touched; they weren't projectable like Shoto's, so she used the blades to give her more fighting power in close combat. Angel Blade had trained for many years to be able to use her dual blades as well as she could, and if she hadn't ended up moving to Japan to attend UA, she's sure she would've ultimately become an assassin "hero," like she'd been trained to be.

She glared through the pain, taking a deep breath and running back into the fray of the fight. Shoto used a wave of ice to give her a ramp to run up, and she leaped off the top, bringing one of her flaming blades down through Shigaraki's shoulder. She used the other to push herself back off of him, dislodging her blade and leaping back out of the way of a spike that immediately formed where she had been perched on his back. She growled in frustration as the wound immediately closed, the creature not even flinching in pain. Her attack was followed closely by Red Riot, who used his strength and hardened body to break the spike from Shigaraki's body and then use it as a baseball bat, slamming it into his side with such force that it actually knocked the monster to the side a bit. Just as he tilted to the side, Ground Zero came flying through the air, firing an explosive blast so large that even Angel Blade could feel the searing heat and had to dig her swords into the ground to keep from being blown backwards.

Ground Zero landed beside her in the most typical hero pose ever, glaring through the haze of smoke at the silhouette that was their enemy.

"If that didn't blast the bastard's face off then I don't know what will," he growled, panting heavily.

But as the smoke cleared away, the heroes stood dismayed at the sight of the still unscathed villain before them. The massive creature formed his arm into a blade and swung it out at the closest hero in range, which happened to be Red Riot. The red head was able to negate the damage that would've been caused by the blade by using his quirk, but it didn't keep him from being smashed relentlessly into the ground repeatedly. Angel Blade knew that her friend's Unbreakable form could only outlast so much, and foreseeing the worst, she rushed to his aide, digging a blade into the arm of the beast and tearing it out with a strength she didn't realize she had, nearly severing the limb entirely. For once, Shigaraki actually recoiled from the attack, pulling away long enough for the others to join in and distract him while Angel Blade pulled Red Riot up and ran him to the side.

His stone-like skin was cracked profusely, blood oozing out indiscriminately, and Angel Blade realized that that last attack had pushed him to his limit.

"I-I can still f-fight," he groaned, attempting to stand up before immediately losing balance and falling again.

"No," Angel Blade warned. "You're too injured and you've reached your limit."

"I can keep going!"

"You'll get killed, Eijiro," she said, using his first name in warning as she tore off her cape, handing it to him to use to wipe the blood dripping down his face. "You can't even stand and your Unbreakable form is shattered. That last attack was his strongest one yet. If it had been anyone but you that he'd hit, it would've killed them."

"I won't let my friends fight without me!"

"And I won't let one of my friends run into battle when they're on the brink of death!"

Red Riot stared at the destruction before him. He knew she was right, but he had a horribly bad feeling about what was to come; he needed to be there to protect his friends, at any cost. He had reached and surpassed his limit, but it wasn't in him to give up.

"Angel Blade!" A voice shouted from beyond the crater. "Deku, Ground Zero, Shoto, Red Riot!" A white armored figure flashed into view, standing at the edge of the crater, illuminated by the blazes surrounding him. It was Ingenium. "We've cleared the area!"

Noticing his two classmates off to the side, Ingenium ran to Angel Blade and Red Riot's side.

"Ingenium," Angel Blade said, "Take Red Riot to safety."

"What?! No!" Red Riot insisted.

"He's too injured and if we go full power, he'll be in even more danger," the girl continued. Understanding, Ingenium nodded, speedily scooping up the stubborn red head and rushing off with him in his arms.

"Dammit, Iida!" Red Riot shouted. "Take me back!"

"You know I can't do that, Kirishima," Ingenium said, still running effortlessly through the rubble and away from the fight. "Angel Blade is right. They won't be able to fight at full power if you're there."

"I need to help them!"

"Trust in their abilities, Red Riot. They are well-trained heroes. They will stop Shigaraki."

With Red Riot removed from the scene, Angel Blade turned back to the fight, noticing that the rest of her group had backed off momentarily, standing in ready. Deku took a deep breath, wiping the sweat from his brow. He was scraped up and bruised, but far from beaten. It wasn't over yet, not by a long shot.

"You heard the man," Ground Zero shouted. "It's time to go all out!" The blonde smirked mischievously, removing the safety from his explosive gauntlets that adorned his wrists, each one storing enough fire power to destroy a building.

Deku nodded, unleashing the mental dam that held back the majority of his quirk's power. He felt the power and adrenaline course through his body, making him faster and stronger than ever before. He had never used Full Cowling at 100% since even using it above 20% caused a massive shift in wind pressure when he moved, but desperate times call for desperate measures. It was all or nothing.

Shoto had to be careful about using his power, because if he lost control of it, he could seriously injure the people around him, but they knew the risks of all of them going full power near each other, and they didn't have much of a choice. He raised the temperature of his flames, going so hot that they began to turn blue around him. The heat was blistering, so hot that it could be felt beyond the battle field, and when it was turned against their foe, it was a wonder the creature didn't melt on the spot.

Angel Blade stared ahead in apprehension. She didn't like using her quirk's full power; even after years of Deku reminding her that it was nothing to fear and to accept it as a part of herself, there was still that part of her mind that was drilled into believing it to be an atrocious thing. They may have seemed alone in the wreckage, but she knew that through news broadcasts, the whole world was watching them and their fight. She didn't know what they were saying or feeling about the young greenhorns, but all eyes were on them. Regardless, they needed all of their power if they were to win, and she couldn't let her friends risk their lives while she stood on the side. She flipped her blades in her hands, bringing the ends of the hilts together in front of her as she closed her eyes. The flames moved down from her arms, engulfing her entire body in the blaze as she upped the temperature. What was left of her cape burned away, revealing the form of fiery wings, and her blades, engulfed in the flames, melded together, shifting into one, large weapon: a scythe. She opened her eyes again, and they were no longer the familiar cerulean orbs that people knew belonging to the young woman; they were a bright red.

Deku leaped into action first, moving so fast the eye couldn't see him. A harsh wave of air collided with this teammates as he landed a powerful punch to the monster's abdomen, enough force to knock them over if they hadn't been prepared. They all knew the destructive power of Deku's quirk when used at its full power, and they had trained alongside it for long enough to know how to work around it.

Angel Blade used the rush of air to pick her up off the ground, her blazing wings lifting her into the sky, high above Shigaraki. Twirling her weapon around in her hands like a flaming baton of death, she descended, aiming for Shigaraki's head.

Managing to knock Deku to the side, the creature brought up his bulging arms, blocking Angel Blade's strike. Her flames flared even higher, searing the skin on his arms that made contact with the scythe, blistering and melting under the heat. Ground Zero took the opportunity to propel himself into the air with small explosions, joining the battle.

"You're in the way, sword girl!" he shouted. Angel Blade took the hint and immediately away as an incredible blast shook the battleground. A shock wave blew through the area so strong that it felt like a nuke had just been dropped in front of them. Angel Blade was forced to land immediately, crouching to the ground and shielding herself from flying debris with his wings, attempting to not get blown away. "Don't give him a chance to breathe!" Ground Zero ordered as the wind subsided a bit. "Keep hitting the bastard!"

Shoto reached down, touching the ground with his right hand, flicking his wrist upwards and releasing a massive glacier of ice, encasing the villain in a prison of freezing temperatures. Shoto knew that wasn't enough to stop him, but it gave him enough time to maneuver himself into position for his next attack and to cool his body temperature just enough to keep from overheating. As the ice shattered into hundreds of pieces, forced apart by Shigaraki's sheer strength, the heterochromatic hero raised his left hand, focusing all his fire into one sole attack. A wave of fire rushed forward, the usual orange flames focusing into a bright white blue color, washing over the creature before. It was a technique called Prominence Burn, one that he'd learned from his father. He'd never been forced to use it before, but it was far more powerful than anything Shoto had in his arsenal, and if it didn't weaken Shigaraki, then there was little hope that anything would.

Shoto wavered, his ice melting faster than he could produce it to keep himself cool, and he felt his left hand begin to blister under the heat, but he kept going, pushing himself to the far reaches of his limits, doing everything in his power to stay standing.

Deku, Ground Zero, and Angel Blade had backed off, knowing that they couldn't withstand the heat coming from their comrade. Even for a fire type quirk user like Angel Blade, the scorching blaze was almost too much for her, sweat pouring down her face as she grimaced through it. Deku and Ground Zero did the same, keeping low to the ground and waiting for it to pass.

But after a few seconds more, the dual quirk user was forced to relinquish, his strength fading quickly, and he stumbled, panting heavily as he cradled his now horribly burned left arm in pain. He likely wouldn't be able to use much of his flames now that he'd used that attack, especially considering it was taking every ounce of strength he had to stay conscious. He looked up, hoping to see nothing but a burnt remnant of the villain, but to his dismay, he saw nothing of the sort.

The giant man stood, fibers of his body slowly replacing themselves, the burnt, charred, and melted parts of his body beginning to replenish. The creature seemed to laugh at their futile attempts.

"How is he still standing?" Angel Blade gasped in disbelief.

"We still have a chance," Deku assured them. "His regeneration is a lot slower, look! We can still do this!"

The heroes realized he was right. Although Shigaraki was still regenerating, it was exponentially slower than it had been before. That meant if they could inflict enough damage fast enough, he wouldn't be able to heal himself anymore.

Deku leaped into action, his body twirling through the air as he landed a full powered kick to the monster's jaw. Shigaraki recoiled, being knocked sideways by the force. Angel Blade kicked off the ground, gliding through the air with determination, slicing down on the beast with her blazing scythe. She continued to pound him, one after another blow, as Deku did the same, leaping about, kicking and punching wherever there was an opening. His movements kicked up massive shifts in air pressure around him, but Angel Blade maneuvered with them easily, using them to her advantage for speed or power. She had trained with her friend a lot over the years, and even though she had only used her quirk's true form in front of him once before, she knew his tactics and movements very well.

Ground Zero stood back for the moment, watching the fight with a keen eye and waiting for the opportunity to use his second gauntlet. He could only store up enough for two blasts, and he couldn't afford to waste his second one.

"You aren't gonna pass out on me, are you Icy Hot?" the blonde asked his weakened friend.

Shoto shook his head, grimacing. "That attack weakened my strength considerably," he said slowly. "I won't be able to use my fire much but I can still fight."

"Good. Just don't get yourself killed."

With that remark, Ground Zero rejoined the fight, using small explosions to distract Shigaraki and throw him off balance. Shoto pushed through the pain and managed to throw his ice in wherever he could, stalling attacks and blocking blows, but they were far from as powerful or as fast as his glaciers had been before.

Shigaraki was still fighting back, seemingly growing agitated at the increased power and number of blows he was taking, but he still wasn't backing down. Angel Blade realized that the only thing that seemed to stall and weaken him enough to continually inflict damage was fire, whether it be hers, Shoto's, or Ground Zero's. She came up with a plan, a risky one.

"Ground Zero!" she called as the black-clad hero landed a few yards away from the fight after having emitted another explosion. "Follow my lead. When I say, use your gauntlet!"

He didn't question or argue; he knew that they were desperate, and whatever she was planning was better than no plan at all.

"Deku!" she called down to the green-haired boy below her. "Keep his arms occupied!"

Deku nodded, leaping up and landing another kick down on the monster's shoulder, momentarily dislocating it before it healed itself again. Their original number of 5 had been shot down to 4, and that 4th member of the team was injured and weakened. They had to do something, fast, before there was no one left to fight at all.

As Deku kept Shigaraki's attention, Angel Blade soared through the air, landing on the villain's shoulders, her scythe pulled against his neck in a choke hold. She took a deep breath and released all of her power, letting her flames scorch hotter than ever before. Deku leaped too and fro, keeping the monster's hands and arms away from snatching his friend from her hold on him, and she continued to push her flame power. She couldn't reach temperatures like Shoto's, but she hoped that with the direct contact and his weakened state, it would be enough to push him over the edge.

Angel Blade suddenly felt a searing pain as Shigaraki grew spikes out of his back, one of them impaling her leg. She felt the sticky warm blood run down her leg, but she refused to let go. The villain began to squirm harder, doing his damnedest to get her off of him, but she wouldn't budge.

Just as she felt her fire power begin to wan, she looked up at Ground Zero who stood at the ready. "Do it!" She screamed. "Now!"

She was in the way, and both of them knew it, but he understood what she was doing. She had to hold on until the very last second in order to keep him from regenerating before the blow. Ground Zero clenched his jaw, taking off towards the monster at full speed. He closed in, 20 meters, 10 meters, five, three. Just as he reached the sweet spot to release the explosion, Angel Blade released her hold, dropping just in time to avoid the brunt of it.

But it didn't work the way she'd planned. Just as Ground Zero pulled the pin on his gauntlet, a spike protruded from the creature's shoulder, slamming into the hero, throwing off his aim and sending him flying backwards. The misaimed blast caught Angel Blade in the back, the force throwing her through the air and scorching her skin. She collided with the ground harshly several meters away.

She gasped in pain, looking up through the haze to see the aftermath of her failed plan. Ground Zero lie in an unconscious heap, having been knocked into the side of the crater, his gauntlets destroyed and hero costume torn and dirtied. Shoto was still kneeling on the ground a small distance away, his injured arm held close to his body as he watched in horror as his friends were all simultaneously knocked down. Deku had also been hit by the blast, although not as bad, and he managed to stand up, costume slightly scorched.

Angel Blade grabbed ahold of her scythe, forcing herself into a standing position, favoring her bleeding leg. She stared through the hazy smoke, and felt as though she might collapse in anguish. The blast and her flames had done damage; the villain before her was scorched almost beyond recognition, small chunks of his body completely burned away, but to the heroes' dismay, he was still standing.

What else was there to do? They were injured and running on empty, and it took everything they had just to have done what they had.

Shigaraki's wild eyes landed on the annoying girl that had pinned him with the scythe, and he suddenly gained tunnel vision, charging at her in a furry. His fist flew at her faster than she could react, and she tried to raise her scythe to parry, but she knew that it was a failed effort. A blow like that, in her state, would kill her.

"Ava!" A voice tore through the night as a rush of wind blasted the girl off balance. In a blur, the green haired hero rushed to her aid, determined to protect his friend. He raised his arms, legs digging into the ground to block the force of the villain's blow, but in his desperation to get to her, he didn't see the other arm coming, this one forming into a malformed blade.

Angel Blade became aware of something wet splashing her face, and dizzy from the force that had knocked her over, she looked up, making out the silhouette of her best friend, standing over her in defense, a large blade impaled in his abdomen, running the hero through.

"I-Izuku?" She breathed, barely above a whisper. She couldn't believe her eyes, seeing the dark liquid staining his costume and the shiny surface of the blade, glistening red with his blood. He had saved her, but at the cost of himself.

"I-I'm not... I'm not... done!" The young hero said, looking up through the haze of pain. He knew his injury was bad, and he knew he should've been scared, fearing for his life, but in that moment, he felt nothing but determination. He had to win. If he didn't, his friends would die and the city would be destroyed. Hero society would collapse, and everything he'd worked so hard for would be gone. Shigaraki couldn't win. He wouldn't let him.

A fist flew, nailing the villain in the face and forcing him to step back, removing the blade from Deku's body. Deku took his stance. "This isn't over until I'm dead!" He shouted.

Angel Blade watched in awe and terror as her friend unleashed a frenzy of power, throwing punches and kicks in a flurry of attacks, moving so fast that they were a blur. She gripped the ground, trying to keep from being blown away by the massive wind pressure. It was a sight to behold, the young hero fighting tooth and nail, each blow stronger than the last, and she realized something.

Deku was using more than 100% of his power.

In his desperation and determination, he had surpassed his quirk's limit, pounding the villain again and again, targeting every weak spot he could find. He was using every once of strength he had to win.

Deku could feel his consciousness beginning to fade, his vision going in and out of haziness, but his power wasn't stopping. He had to finish it, now. Deku raised his fist, forcing all of his remaining power into his arm, and he swung it upwards, letting out the loudest battle cry he'd ever screamed in his life.

"PLUS ULTRAAAA!"

His fist collided with Shigaraki's chin, knocking the villain upwards and backwards. He stumbled, eyes fogging over, before he collapsed to the ground, out cold.

Deku panted, a gloved hand reaching up in a fist, striking a winning pose. They couldn't hear them, but Angel Blade knew that the world was cheering for her friend, the hero Deku, who'd saved them all.

Within seconds of his victory, Deku suddenly felt dizziness overtake him, and without warning, he collapsed, blood pooling on the ground around him.

A shrill voice cut through the night, echoing through the abandoned streets of Tokyo, a voice of fear and desperation.

"Izuku!"

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worddonor · 6 years ago

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Purpose, part 1.

My search for purpose began with my search for truth.

I've always been asking why for as long as I can remember. Being pre-occupied with those around me has been a chink in my armour, one of many indeed, but one that has caused me to dig deep into finding a reason for my existence as I've always felt ill-at-ease on this planet (as if there's another planet I'd be better suited to be on, lol) that and years of inner turmoil, has led me back to the only place that could provide me with what I believe are the answers that align with the principles of the universe.

The owners manual for my life produced by the manufacturer of me.

The new revelations began slowly revealing themselves in earnest after having miraculously made it through varsity and attaining my diploma (taking an extra year to finish). I knew I had given as much as I could, but deep down wasn't completely sure I would make it even on the second go around - I had ticked all the boxes and showed up despite wanting to throw in the towel many times on projects (which is more than I could say for the previous year in which I had failed the core module). I was offered a room in a spacious apartment really close to campus with two other roommates attending classes at other campuses close by which I nervously took (I had been driving through to campus from home about 60-odd km's one way [around 39 miles] for the first 3 years).

In that time I had my Bible with me, received as a gift two years prior, which I read occasionally. What I did that I still remember now was giving thanks everyday in the morning when I woke up. It was the first time living on my own away from my family - I missed them terribly. When you're at the point of not knowing where to turn you tend to cry out to whatever's out there, if anything and for me that was God (the previous year I had been wondering if what I was raised to believe was complete b-s, reading alternative material and questioning life).

Always questioning.

What I believe made all the difference were the prayers I said every morning waking up there, the prayers of gratitude. I would wake up with knots in my belly, but after eventually wrestling my body out of bed, making myself some oats and coffee and while watching the morning breakfast show on the blurry box TV, I'd give thanks to the Lord for all I was grateful for. I truly believe it made the biggest difference, I made it through by the skin of my teeth in the core module that year (literally a pass on the dot) and did well with the other subjects.

After that my faith was bolstered, even if ever so slightly. The following year I took off having made the decision at the end of the previous year to donate a kidney to my older sister (she fell ill when I was in second year and spent the next three years on various forms of dialysis [there was a time we weren't sure she'd make it as a result of bleeding on the brain with the strokes she suffered that possibly caused the kidney failure]). A battery of tests were done to ensure I was healthy and met the criteria. When the operation was carried out I had just turned 25 the previous month, the minimum age recommended at that time.

The operation was a success, the organ was accepted which was another incredible faith booster though even after that immense blessing I found myself questioning who I was aside from an auxiliary being. I fantasized on the darker days about what it would've been like had I given up the ghost on the operating table and what a grand exit that would've been had I left then. I know, pretty gloomy.

To counter that: on an incredibly upbeat side note, my sister is doing so well six years on and the little organ is too - she is back to her bubbly self and her recovery: a true miracle from where she was and a testament to excellent doctors (of course), but even more so: the wonders of 'ridiculous' faith by her and all those praying for her. How could it not be the creator's hand?

Towards the end of that year after my recovery period the job hunt began that lead me to my first job the following year. The doubting surfaced again and I wondered if anyone would ever hire me after a couple of months of searching (self-doubt bru, avoid like the plague), I initially tried for an internship outside of my field of study (in something I researched briefly in high school that I wanted to try then), but wasn't accepted after the second interview round. I always seemed to get through when my writing was doing the convincing, but as soon as I was face-to-face: that's usually when the wheels fell off. I made it through the initial screening, got given a test project which they were satisfied with (which I believe was the main selling point), I made it to the interview proper (I left a tad early on the day [distance to site coincidentally 60-odd km's one way from home], followed the directions given to me, but stopped on the side of the road not far from my destination thinking I was lost [doubting again] when all I had to do was continue on the path I was on which I did and arrived on time) despite feeling like I had fluffed that too (and secretly wondering if I was the only one that pitched for an interview if they were offering ME the job), was offered the job so I took it. I was even offered more than I asked for.

Before the initial screening I prayed like a mad man and got to that venue on time, no issues and the lady was really friendly. While doing the project, I battled inner demons, but sent the project through with a few more prayers for good measure and got to the interview stage. Before the interview I said a few more prayers and even though my voice might've let me down - my work spoke for me and the Lord I'm sure worked His magic too.

My faith bolstered again as I, honest to Jesus, was literally doubting if anyone would hire me for any job after interviewing me.

Can you see a pattern forming? Lol.

Over the years I've been searching my soul pretty deeply (as the earlier posts and poetry in this blog can attest) while on this job and have discovered the things about it I enjoy and the things I don't. The lightbulb moments relating to my search for purpose started going off when I accidentally stumbled upon the teachings of a certain preacher and teacher by the name of Dr Myles Munroe. My father showed me a video clip of an interview conducted with him after it appeared on the news that he had passed away along with his wife in a freak plane crash, this was in November 2014. I researched him further and he revealed scripture in a new light to me in a way I had never heard before through his teachings, suddenly here I knew deep down were the answers to truth and purpose I had been yearning for and praying about for ages before I had listened to them. Revealing the analogies of an acorn and an oak tree relating to the Lord having created you with everything you'd ever need in your life to flourish already contained within you. And about the most valuable place on earth being the graveyard: the place where all the unfulfilled dreams and incompleted projects lie. To think all this wisdom came from a man I had never known about before hearing first of his death.

So strange, but in that the clues to what legacy is truly about - what will you leave behind when you die?

I digress.

The Lord's gentle coaxing and the events that followed thereafter over time led to me getting baptised on the 20th of March 2016.

2015 was a tumultuous year, with two people leaving in my department in the first half of the year, though saved by the arrival of what I believe to have been an undercover angel in the second half.

I must admit after coming back from an epic holiday at the top end of 2016, my interest in drawing closer to Jesus was further spurred on by my sister asking if I wanted to join her in becoming an official member of our church by taking weekly classes which we then completed.

This led me to make that official commitment that would kill all the doubt in my heart and mind I held for years prior about whether I was or wasn't truly a saved follower of Christ. I had always been so afraid before to do it, of making that public declaration, I wanted to, but kept delaying and used to beat myself up when I didn't act. The night before I decided and the following morning I felt a peace in my heart so I stuck to my decision through the service and asked my mother if she'd be willing to join me: it was only her and a few others also getting baptised present that day. She was in tears after. It's also a date I remember easily as it is an old varsity friend's birthday (she's a believer too, though I've lost contact with her and we haven't spoken since maybe 2012 - we were close for the time we were studying together - hope she's good wherever she is...).

That was a good year and got me bold enough to begin planning an overseas trip to see my cousin in 2017 in Vegas which I did (woohoo!). I even explored my writing more in 2016 and attended a creative writing course over a number of weeks offered at our church which got the writing bug going in earnest in me thereafter.

2017 wasn't without its hills and valleys with more deep conversations on lift club trips and more goodbyes as seasons ended and new ones began, some new faces descended on the scene. The year ended off on a high and my faith was built up even more as my prayers for each step of my planning for my trip took shape and I was blessed with smooth sailing there and back after numerous prayers thrown up, naturally.

The lingering questions and doubts were always there and still are. I never let my faith go despite its smallness and my church attendance became something I found hard to let slide and I became a regular after taking that big step two years back.

This year began with a few heavy knocks in quick succession though and these changes hit the hardest as the preceding months were some of the best I had ever enjoyed on the job since the boys club months of early 2014 (lol) after the first few lonely months of being the first person in the new department years ago. The best and most productive times were when there was a team. This seemingly long winter period since the mass exodus (it's a story, it could do with a touch of drama man) has brought with it some intense introspection and greater prayer and even fasting which I had never attempted before over the period of one month (initiated about 5 months back). When the awesome people left, I wondered what was left for me where I was - I agonised and still do question where to next for me. This time has brought me even closer to Jesus than ever before - I have found myself yearning so much I have even begun listening to only worship music and just a certain radio station and only listening to YouTube sermons (OK and some car vids - forgive me, those are still my secret passion). I've started to lean so heavily on the Lord I believe it's stretched my faith to the greatest degree it's ever been stretched as we haven't been able to attract new talent to the office until I got some news about a new person and some new ways of approaching our situation this last Friday.

All this leads me to some books I purchased a week ago today: first - Dr Caroline Leaf's "Think, Learn, Succeed" and another book I've had on my online store wishlist for a long time that my sister wanted to buy for me so I ended up getting it as well: Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life" which is the new expanded edition.

These books bring me to part 2 of this story...

#purpose #god #jesus #rick warren #dr caroline leaf #life #learning #searching #lbhj

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mmecolbert · 7 years ago

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Tell us why you hate Luke's rant in Fall! I always hate him, so I'm biased.

ooh boy. this’ll get long, I just know it, but there are sooo many reasons, so I’m just gonna…

Lemme just start off by saying that I don’t like how SP acted it. I’m neverimpressed by Scott’s acting, but I particularly dislike his more emotionalscenes. I just find that every thing he emotes has an added layer of aggressionto it that always irks me. But I guess that’s a more personal preference/issue, so I’m not gonna dwell on that…

But beyond that, I feel that the content of the speech, whatit implies about Luke and their relationship, and what it ultimatelyaccomplishes leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

First, it bothers me that Luke just sort of unloads onLorelai as soon as she walks through the door. They haven’t spoken to eachother in weeks (or, let’s be honest, had any real communication between each other for years), and during this time Luke made a bunch of assumptions about Lorelai and their relationship withoutspeaking a word to her prior to this (spoke to Jess, tho, because he’s the right person to talk to in this situation, apparently), then Luke proceeds to not let her speak hermind when she tries to explain herself, and then lays out all he’s been feeling(based on false assumptions) before she can say a word. To me that implies continued lackof communication and Luke putting his feelings/need to express himself and his perspective ahead ofLorelai. I don’t like that.

Second, it bothers me that the theme of that speech isn’t“Lorelai, I love you, I think we’re great together, and I want to spend my lifewith you, and if you feel that we have problems then I’ll do my best to work onthem”; the actual theme is “Lorelai, I feel like you’re gonna leave me, butplease don’t because, hey, we’ve been together this long and I like a goodstatus quo, and we might as well keep it going until we die.” The first themeis romantic and suggests growth from Luke and could realistically lead to agreat marriage proposal. The second theme suggests that Luke’s biggest desireis for things to change as little as possible, he’s got no desire to grow, andhis idea of a relationship is physical presence, as opposed to love,communication, mutual growth, etc. I don’t hear Luke saying that he desperatelyloves Lorelai in that speech, I hear him saying that he doesn’t want her toleave because he doesn’t want things to change, and he wants to be with Lorelaibecause the other option seems logistically harder.

On a related note, I don’t like that Luke is pretty muchbegging Lorelai not to leave him in that speech, even though he’s doubting ifLorelai even loves him. Again, it speaks to Luke’s fear of change, but also tohow unfulfilling their relationship sounds. They have no communication skills,they share nothing in each other’s lives, they seem incapable of emotionalintimacy with each other, they don’t even share their finances (re: April’sEuro trip/schooling), Luke’s been inexplicably relegated to Sookie’s part-timereplacement at the inn, etc. Emily correctly points out that all that LL are isroommates. They’re not even partners. And in that speech Luke is desperatelytrying to hold on to even that. What does Luke even get out of this relationship? What in the world is romantic about the reality that he paints? Andsomehow them marrying each other will make all this better?

Third, I haaaate Luke saying that they watched each other gofrom person to person until they finally settled on each other. Luke didn’thave to watch Lorelai go from Max to Chris to Jason to whoever else. Lorelaiowed him nothing. Lorelai had no idea what his feelings were. Lorelai wasn’tLuke’s property that Luke watched be passed around until she finally came backto where she belonged, with him. Luke could have told her how he felt and askedher out on a date instead of watching her. He also didn’t have to marry Nicoleif he had feelings for Lorelai. Their whole relationship could have feasiblystarted a lot earlier, without anyone pining for the other, if he had expressedhis feelings. But he didn’t. So this argument that he makes—that after somany years of them watching each other be with other people consequently makes them endingup together right or special or worth it or whatever—-is fucking stupid andwholly his fault.

Again, related to this, why does Luke even bring this up? Ifthis conversation had been had right after they got together in season 7, thenit would’ve made a modicum of sense. But Luke brings this up after he andLorelai had already been together for almost a decade, so him even bringing uppast exes seems completely out of place.

Finally, I hate that the whole speech resolves exactlynothing. Did the speech improve their communication problems? No. Did it ensurethat LL will share their feelings, finances, lives, etc. (like a normalcommitted couple would) from this moment forward? No. It didn’t even convinceLorelai to marry Luke—because obviously she’d already come to that decisionon her own during the Wild trip. So what exactly was the point of it? For Luketo remind us that he’ll always be there for Lorelai? We already know that. Shealready knows that. Luke is the guy who will never, ever, ever leave—not outof love or anything, but because he’s comfortable with staying in the same spotand not moving. He’s fully rooted and unmovable. That’s neither new information,nor a sign of his love for Lorelai, nor an illustration of his charactergrowth. If anything, it’s an illustration that he doesn’t and won’t change.That’s not a fantastic trait in a person who’s in a relationship that does needa lot of growth and personal change in order for it to start looking evenremotely healthy.

That speech didn’t show us that Luke has grown. That speechdidn’t show that Luke and Lorelai are going to grow and resolve their personaland relationship problems. That speech didn’t resolve any issue that Luke andLorelai have repeatedly shown to have from the very beginning of theirrelationship. All that speech did was give a cue for Lorelai to resignedly say,“I think we should get married.” Because, as Luke pretty much said, eehh they’vebeen together for so long, so they might as well.

So what am I supposed to get from that whole scene otherthan that Luke and Lorelai will continue to have the same problems, but nowthey’ll have a marriage certificate?

If I had any desire to revisit any part of AYITL or even more closely analyze that scene, I’d probably come up with more problems, because my reaction to it was so viscerally negative that I think there are more issues in it that I haven’t processed yet, nor do I want to. But overall, I felt that the issue highlighted the problems that LL have both individually and as a couple, that they are not at all on the road to resolving them but instead seem permanently stagnant, and that marriage is being used as the ultimate problem solver for everything.

ok i think i’m done now, thanks for your time :)

#asked/answered #gilmore girls #a year in the life #anti luke danes #anti java junkies

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thefilmjournal · 4 years ago

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The Relatability of Soul (2020)

(Image source: JoBlo.com)

Directed by Pete Docter and Kemp Powers, Soul’s release, it seems, is a timely one. Soul delivers a simple yet powerfully existential message aimed not only at creatives, but anyone concerned with productivity and results. Pete Docter is the director behind notable tear-jerking Pixar favorites Monsters, Inc., Up, and Inside Out. So, it should come as no surprise that Soul could do the same, especially with themes as heavy as life and death. Soul is touching and packed with charm. It inspires passion and gratitude for even the, what we often consider, most mundane aspects of our lives–the beauty in what is so often overlooked.

Joe Gardner, voiced by Jamie Foxx, is a part-time band teacher with big dreams of becoming a full-time jazz musician. Just when it seems like he is destined to follow the teaching path, along comes an opportunity from an old student, Curley, voiced by Questlove, to play piano for big-time jazz musician Dorothea Williams (Angela Bassett). After his audition, Joe is involved in a near-death experience that causes his soul to leave his body. He must find a way to merge the two again.

Soul is available for streaming on Disney+. Click the ‘Keep reading’ link below the trailer for the full post. There will be spoilers beyond this point.

Thanks for reading!

youtube

(Image source: Entertainment Weekly)

The Persevering Artist

From its opening scene, Soul proved all too relatable for someone like me: a creative. Joe was offered a full-time position with the school he was working at, and my sister was puzzled by his lack of enthusiasm. I identified with his dilemma immediately. Having the full-time job would leave less availability for daytime auditions, rehearsals, or performances. Accepting the full-time work would, perhaps, move him further away from making it as a jazz musician. The bigger pay and health insurance should come as a relief to many, but to someone like him, the possibility of leaving dreams unfulfilled and settling for ‘safe’ would feel more like a condemnation than a reward.

Joe never felt supported in this dream by his mother who’d always wanted him to join the 9-5 world, but he never voiced it. There’s a moment in Soul when 22 (Tina Fey) blurts out Joe’s frustration with his mom, leaving him no choice but to be honest. To this she says, “You can’t eat dreams for breakfast, Joey.” He responds, “Then I don’t want to eat. [Music] is my reason for living. …I’m just afraid that if I died today, that my life would’ve amounted to nothing.” Knowing what we know, this response holds a lot of weight; he’s in danger of actualizing this.

There’s an idea in our culture that success looks a certain way, and typically that has to do with earning a lot of money and can often mean being well-known. The lovely thing about Soul is that it tells us Joe was always succeeding and always living his dream, even without those things. Joe had been making a living from music the entire time by being a band teacher. Living off of his passion is part of his dream’s bigger picture. He inspires others, even if that means only one student found their spark in music. Before this near-death experience, he had been missing the impact he’d been making.

Despite all the craziness, Joe does end up playing his show, which the audience is surely happy for, but how it plays out is very interesting. His mom and her friends show up in support of him too. That means he got two things he had been pining for: his mother’s approval and his breakout performance. Still, there was an underwhelming vibe present in the performance, which in part, may have had to do with 22. As it turns out, Joe felt similarly. It wasn’t that he felt bad over how things went down with 22–not at that moment–but that he had his long-awaited experience and it wasn’t what he expected. He wanted more. He confesses this to Dorothea, whose show it was. She gives a memorable anecdote about a fish who was looking for an ocean he was already swimming in. The outcome doesn’t have to be the money or the fame or total transformation, the success is in finding that spark at all, in simply finding enjoyment in living.

(Image source: CinemaBlend)

Finding that Spark

Possibly the biggest question we ask ourselves as we grow older, a thought that can be very distressing to some, is what our ‘purpose’ is. Whether it be a question for the collective whole or on an individual level, we seem to always be looking for ways to validate our existence. We tend to believe, for example, that we can assign hobbies to our life purpose. However, this idea of a purpose can be harmful in both the people who think they’ve found what that is and those that feel they haven’t and are running out of time to find it. Those that think they have found it, like Joe, strive for recognition. They can’t help but put pressure on themselves to produce and produce and to have the world know about it because then that is perceived as unsuccessful otherwise.

Soul tells us that we have no purpose–not in the way we think.

Instead, we are reminded of the importance of connection, of sitting back and listening–observing. Before watching Soul, this year, I had been working on my gratitude. So, one of my favorite parts in the movie was 22 saying how she thinks sky-watching could be her thing–her spark–when she is born, or even walking. It was so earnest and refreshing to experience, along with Joe, 22 articulating what it was like to experience the aspects of everyday life we are so used to through her fresh eyes.

(Image source: YouTube)

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theartone · 7 years ago

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A Study in Miscommunication - Chapter 7

<<Chapter 1 <Chapter 6

----John's POV----

I couldn't remember the last time I was this happy. I was giddy. It was ridiculous and amazing.

As we drove on, crawling through the endless London traffic I reigned myself in, bit by bit. I should be irritated that he snatched my phone from me instead of asking for it; he came close to picking it straight out of my pocket. He probably would've if I hadn't moved first.

I wondered if I should ask my other questions: What am I doing here? What do you want me to do at this crime scene? Am I even allowed to do this? Why me?

That would probably end poorly so I kept my mouth shut. If Sherlock hadn't thought of those things (especially the last one) I shouldn't encourage it. Besides, I'll probably do something else mortifying.

I shifted in my seat to get more comfortable but I ended up settling closer to him. I could feel the body heat radiating from his leg. I wanted to shift away but I knew if I did it'd look like he made me uncomfortable and I wanted him to like me. The fact that he did make me uncomfortable really didn't help. If he was as good at reading people as he said he'd read why I felt uncomfortable and that would be... uncomfortable.

Recognizing that my thought process was devolving I spent the rest of the trip thinking about surgical procedures and Grandma Watson.

----Sherlock's POV----

I managed to enjoy the silence for two blocks before John shifted and my mind came back on. I wanted to snap at him for interrupting me but his posture wasn't relaxed. That was surprising. He should be basking in the glow of... friendship?

We were friends now, right?

Should I introduce him as my friend to the officers? No, no that wouldn't work. They'd make a big deal of me having friends and that would be weird to John and while John already knew I was weird but there was only so much one person would take before it was too much and I became freakish.

Assistant? But that would imply that we weren't friends... that he was below me. I caught a mental image of John below me and cut off a growl.

I took a deep breath to calm my thoughts and realized my nasal passages were clogging.

That was bad.

Really bad.

Harry Watson may not be a drug addict but alcoholism was close enough for most people. I cursed my weakness. Sure, I had just gotten Lestrade (and therefore my brother) off my back but I shouldn't have pickpocketed that passerby. Or taken that little detour after hanging up with Mrs Hudson.

Why was I always so impulsive?!

On the same note, why did John bring out such strong reactions in me and my thoughts? A train of thought was running through all the different ways to put John's dirty mind to the test instead of being disgusted at the idea of touching another person. The heat from his leg made me crave pressing my leg against his and capturing it.

WHY?

It wasn't the drugs. At least, not entirely. I was clean last night and that was the first time I'd masturbated to porn since I was a teenager. Usually, if I brought it up the expressions of boredom killed my libido. And it had been an age since I'd imagined anything outside of that half-sleep state when waking up.

John was different.

John was perfect.

No, no one was perfect. It had to be an act. He clearly lusted for me. He was probably just making a play to get in my bed.

Then why the outburst in front of Mrs Hudson?

John clearly wasn't thinking long term.

What was his angle?

I started mentally listing to see what I missed: lonely, unhappy, unfulfilled, wants to be useful, wants to work, trained doctor, army medic, adrenaline addiction, bisexual (? is that even a thing? is he just closeted? focus!) bored, likes routines, therapist, trust issues, smart-ish, anger issues, conscience, polite, manners, Mike Stamford, blog-

Blog!

He wrote about my case right before Lestrade came to me. Was that before or after Lestrade forwarded me information? John's blog didn't have timestamps for the entries-

Therapist!

The only information available was "trust issues." It ensured that I looked into him more, that I'd see the blog entry, that I'd see him.

Coincidences?

No.

I'd dismissed it thinking it was all Mycroft and after dismissing John's association with him I didn't think of other possibilities. Stupid!

Of course, it didn't mean that Mycroft didn't set the whole thing up. But, in the texts, he seemed eager to talk to John. And Anthea never even hinted at anything like with the computer.

I looked at John out of the side of my eye; he seemed to be reciting a recipe. Flour, eggs... Oh, fighting an erection. Obvious. Probably linked to a grandparent or something.

Was it?

Was John just acting?

The anonymous commenter... was John a fan?

The real question was: Was John a murderer?

And what would I do if he was?

----John's POV----

Sherlock directed the taxi to pull along the outermost police vehicle and hopped out. He left the door open and I slid across his seat rather than try to fight with my cane in order to get out the door on my side, closing the door behind me. Sherlock started walking and I tried to keep up.

"Did I get anything wrong?"

I swallowed the questions I realized I should have asked, 'What the hell am I doing here?' chief among them, and answered.

"Spot on then. I didn't expect to be right about everything." Sherlock sounded almost disappointed.

I resisted smiling, "Harry is short for Harriet."

Sherlock stopped on the spot and I took a few steps past him expecting him to catch up quickly.

"Harry is your sister."

I was forced to stop since we were within hearing range of the pc. "What am I supposed to be doing here?" I needed direction.

"SISTER." Sherlock spat, angrily.

"No, seriously." I implored. This was an actual crime scene. Suddenly it was all real and I was feeling very uncomfortable. How could I be of use here? I was about to make a tremendous fool of myself. "What am I doing here?"

"There's always something," Sherlock grumbled and walked straight to the blue and white tape, ignoring me completely.

---- Sherlock's POV ----

I directed the cab to stop as close to the scene as he could. John's discomfort was shifting from uncomfortable around me to uncomfortable with the surroundings. That would be useful. But, could be bad too. I need to distract him. "Did I get anything wrong?" Duel purpose of questioning my lead suspect and sating some curiosity.

The cab drove away without asking for payment. I frowned internally but John didn't seem to notice.

"Harry and me don't get on, never have."

Sibling rivalry. Probably older then. Boring.

"Clara and Harry split up, three months ago. They're getting a divorce."

Marriage has been on the rocks quite some time then. Both parties must have been more reluctant to admit the failure because of... children? No. The couple wanted kids but never had any-

"Harry is a drinker," John admitted reluctantly.

Family trait. How tedious.

"Spot on then." And boring. "I didn't expect to be right about everything." Boring, boring, boring!

"Harry is short for Harriet."

Oh!

Well, that's interesting.

They didn't want to admit the failing because they didn't want to add to the statistics. Possibly active in the community. The stress of unconventional sexuality and probable harassment lead to drinking. High paying job but constantly passed over for promotions, discrimination. Traditional family values, factoring John's tone when he said Harriet... John's denial of Mrs Hudson's insinuations...

Say something!

"Harry is your sister." Is that your problem with her? That she's gay? It isn't a sibling rivalry at all? No, that's not it...

"Look, what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?" John tried to change the subject.

"Sister!" I hissed and resumed my stride.

John reiterated his question.

I needed John's honest reactions so I didn't answer him.

"There's always something," I muttered as I factored this new information into John's profile. She probably came out early, while still at school. It would have been the 80's... I've been going about this all wrong. Stupid!

Sally was watching the line. I needed her to speak first, she didn't look happy to see me. But that was normal. Her first words would set the tone of the interaction. I was hoping she had forgiven me but each step seemed to cloud her face. She was so smart normally, her choice in men was holding her career back more than I ever did.

Please be friendly, please have forgiven me, we were friends once. C'mon Sally. Please. I'm already weird enough...

"Hullo, Freak!"

Fantastic.

First crime scene back and: I'm high, may have brought the murder as my assistant, if John isn't the murderer he's interesting and will possibly be my new flatmate, he's the only person who I've even considered in any case and my mind is stuck in a sex-loop on a person who has problems with his own sexuality. And probably mine.

And I'm being harassed by the only person who's ever been pleasant to me on Lestrade's team who has... yes, hooked up with Anderson. Again.

If I stay professional maybe she will too? "I'm here to see Detective Inspector Lestrade."

"Why?"

Be nice, be nice, be nice. "I was invited." Be nice...

"Why?"

Be polite, be polite, it's your own fault I reminded myself, be polite. "I think he wants me to take a look."

"Well, you know what I think, don't you?"

I let myself under the tape. "Always, Sally." Since we're not going to be civil I can at least use this to my advantage. I took a deep sniff. "I know you didn't make it home last night."

John moved closer before I was done with Sally and my hand went to the tape. John was going to come, I wanted to see his reactions, I needed an assistant and John needed a job. There was no reason John shouldn't come.

"Ah-ah-ah." She moved to stop John. "Who's this?"

That's a very good question, Sally.

Chapter 8>

#moved from ao3 #asim #a study in miscommunication #preslash johnlock #sherlock fanfic #finished story #updating as i edit #chapter 7

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ibringyouasong89 · 8 years ago

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On your post about Lucifer and Chloe, i actually agree with you. The last episode felt really awkward and out of place. At first i was so excited about the kiss and then i realised how ooc it was for Chloe. The fact that Luci talked about proving his worth but did nothing to actually prove it was stupid as he was still checking out women while trying to tell Chloe that they could work. Luci is still a man-whore who would probably get bored of Chloe in a week and Chloe deserves better than that.

Whoever you are, THANK YOU! Seriously, one out of two of my favorite messages!And this new episode just further confirms how they’re trying to rewrite Chloe’s character - suddenly and unexpectedly - right after fleshing-out her character for the past season and a half (while not providing more insight or flashbacks about her past or how she came to be the person that she is).I promised myself I wouldn’t watch the new episode, but I wanted to give the writers the benefit of the doubt. Which I did and now I’m even more disappointed.First of all, I’m glad the sex scene turned out to be a dream, but if you ask me, again, it was WAY too early and rushed for this kind of thing to occur between them. If anything, I would’ve preferred to have seen a sex-dream (that either Chloe or Lucifer was having) and have had her/him woken up in confusion and terror because it was about her and Lucifer: two people who are still in denial about their growing attraction towards the other. Something which would’ve been acceptable as a Season 3 event instead of what we just got…cause now, after a whole season and a half of finding him repulsive and turned-off by his sexual escapades and lack-of-emotional-knowledge and overall immaturity, she’s suddenly attracted to him and finding him to be…boyfriend material? Meanwhile, he’s still belittling her CHILD, you know, TRIXIE?! And there has been little-to-no screen-time/bonding between Lucifer and Trixie. But now, if he becomes Chloe’s boyfriend by the end of this season, they’ll have all the time in the world to bond…because that, apparently, is the ONLY way it CAN happen. *heavy sarcasm.*Secondly, as much as I love Maze and her awesomeness, Chloe listening to her advice about “loosening up” was really immature and impractical. Two things that Chloe is not supposed to be. And I know Maze meant well, in her own way, but why does Chloe have to get laid in order to be happy or “loosened up?” Sure, sex is sex, and I guess for some people, they can get off on having “some fun” with people and leave it at that. But I had estimated Chloe’s character to be more level-headed than that, especially from an emotionally-intelligent and emotionally-mature perspective. But now, Chloe is being awkward in trying to be “seductive or sexy” in trying to get Lucifer to pay romantic-attention to her (and he STILL wasn’t getting it, which wasn’t a surprise) after heeding Maze’s advice…what?! Slapping him on the ass - which was just weird and unnecessary, but I suppose a change of pace from a female-empowering point-of-view - and then giggling loudly at something he said (which wasn’t that funny) and then remarking how romantic it is to make out with someone in a library (meanwhile, Lucifer is all “yeah, been there, done that.”). When, exactly, did Chloe suddenly decide to change her entire personality over-night and revert to acting like a teenage girl/young adult? And why does she have to change at all? I suppose people do act immaturely, in certain respects, in relationships or while around their “crush,” but this just seems…juvenilely stupid.Then there’s the whole unprofessional-angle where she goes ahead and antagonizes a serial killer…what the hell was that?! She suddenly decides to be impulsive, listens to Lucifer about attacking the professor’s ego, and causes said-psychopath a “trigger moment,” which results in a deadlier situation. Granted, he was already involving those two innocent young men in his “experimentation,” but now the conclusion is that she got herself poisoned because she attacked said-criminal’s ego based on an impulsive-suggestion (which wound up in driving an escalating situation skyward and she had to get into a fast, violent, physical confrontation with the psycho-professor who stabbed her with a poison-needle when he punched her in her side). How is that professional and protocol-based, especially for a seasoned detective/cop? The only time I’ve seen a detective/cop/federal agent antagonize a psycho serial-killer into a showdown is generally when there’s some personal vendetta that each character is striving to solve, yet is mirrored/paralleled by their opponent, who also happens to be their “opposite.” And all of that usually takes place in a high-profile blockbuster movie…not some TV cop-procedure-drama show that airs weekly. And as such a badly sketched-out episode as this one was.Another moment that I had a problem with is happening in two areas of this episode. When Chloe bursts into the room at the frat house/dorm - where the party is taking place - and sees Lucifer lying around, surrounded by all of these drunk, obviously-sexually-active, young, beautiful college girls. Chloe immediately jumps down his throat and assumes that he was going to have sex with them. Then, later on, when he asks her point blank (and honestly, he STILL needs her to tell him that she trusts him - like she hasn’t been proving that all along, especially given what she did in a certain courtroom for him), if she trusts him, she says yes and runs off after the professor in pursuit. I found that to be SO hypocritical. She trusts him to watch her six and back her up - even to be good/noble enough to save innocent people - but not to be around other people and talking to them without her supervision or without feeling threatened? How is that trust? And okay, fine, you can blame insecurity on her behalf…but that still doesn’t mean that she trusts him to be around other attractive people (and let’s face it, he finds everyone attractive, which is cool) unless she’s there to watch/check him.What’s even worse is that the writers are pushing them into this early “relationship” scenario in order to have it be an even bigger impact for when Lucifer finds the truth about Chloe. (Which he does in this latest episode.) But it’s SO unnecessary. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship with someone (romantically-inclined or not) in order to find something heartbreaking. HELL, you could just be really good friends with someone and STILL have your heart shattered by them. And the sad part is, Lucifer turns right around and accuses Chloe for being part of this whole “Divine Plan,” as if she had a clue about what was going on or what he was even rambling on about. Remember, she still doesn’t believe that he’s the “Devil,” and again, that’s mostly because he refuses to admit/show the truth to her (because he’s afraid to lose her trust, which comes from the big part of his nature that is SELFISH). But for Lucifer to turn on Chloe, after she’s done EVERYTHING under the sun to prove that she is trustworthy and not out to get him, just speaks EVEN MORE about how much Lucifer DOESN’T TRUST CHLOE. And now he’ll probably even consider that a justified notion since anything that was developing between them - especially this newly-rushed romantic-entanglement *gag* - wasn’t “real.”Not to mention the awkward stare-down that went on between Dan and Lucifer. Seemed to me that Dan’s still-having-feelings-for-ex-wife-who-is-becoming-involved-with-you-whom-I’m-starting-to-consider-as-a-friend-though-I-hate-to-admit-it stare completely flew over Lucifer’s head…*sigh* It all just seems out-of-sorts and sporadic, if you ask me. A lot of people say this has all been building up, since day one, because of all the moments these two share. I, for one, did not see a whole lot of romantic undertone to those moments. I saw romantic POTENTIAL, which differs ENTIRELY from undertone, but thought that the moments between Lucifer and Chloe spoke of genuine (albeit tentative) bonding scenarios. Bonding moments that would help them develop a healthy, deep friendship that could then take flight and soar off into romantic-UST-unspoken communication-deep bond-tentative touching-more RECIPROCATED touching-eventual unexpected kiss land…but whatever. I laughed at the right moments, I even thought when Chloe hugged him and said she was “glad that he was okay” was sweet and cute…but for the most part, I still feel unfulfilled and disappointed by this episode. My faith and trust in the writers is dwindling more, day by day. I usually like to record the episodes on my DVD player so I can go back and re-watch them (so I can speed through the commercials instead of waiting for ads to finish like you have to do on Hulu), but I did not feel the need to do so tonight and right now, I’m kind of glad that I didn’t.I, personally, did not care for the whole “I’m not worthy of you” speech that Lucifer gave Chloe at the end of the 2x11. For one thing, Lucifer has VERY low-self esteem. We see that with how he regards himself and how he talks about himself. The only time he seems to have anything good to say about himself usually involves his sexual deeds and how good he is in bed. We also see how low of an opinion he has of himself when he went ahead and tried to commit suicide via being-murdered while in close proximity to Chloe, which would’ve resulted in an immediate death. He genuinely does not accept himself. Lucifer constantly needs people to accept him in order for him to be able to accept HIMSELF.

He showed his true face to Linda once and used her as his human-yard-stick to see if others could handle the undeniable truth about his existence/identity. But he doesn’t show his face proudly, like Maze did with Trixie during Halloween’s episode (while admittedly holding her breath to see if she’d be rejected or not). He does so out of FEAR. Because he knows that his true appearance causes humans to be truly terrified-out-of-their-minds and disgusted-to-the-core-of-their-filthy-souls. All of those eons of having the same reaction from people has taught/shown him that he is something to be reviled and shunned and truly grotesque. Something that is worth being feared. And for most of the time, he has used it to his advantage, especially in being Hell’s #1 Punisher and King. But he has never shown his true face/self in order to gain true connections with other (to really open up to other people) because he already expects to be rejected. (People always reject and fear what they don’t understand, after all.) And again, this is all a big issue that he refuses to address or acknowledge. It’s a continual and cyclical topic that he, point-blank, refuses to share with Chloe.What also bothered me about that moment was the fact that, after Lucifer spells out how he’s totally “unworthy” of Chloe, she does nothing to correct that assessment. She just says “yeah, you’re right” and then kisses him. Is that supposed to be a statement of “Yes, you are unworthy and yes, you are right about WHY you are unworthy, but I’m going to kiss you and choose you anyway, despite your unworthiness.”?!?! And sure, yeah, you can take the kiss as a sign of affection and that she TOTALLY finds him worthy…but why couldn’t she have argued against his claims and TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS WORTHY?! Why couldn’t she have listed as many reasons for his worthiness as he did for his “unworthiness?” Lucifer is someone who constantly NEEDS affirmation that he is a good, kind, lovable, misunderstood soul. That he will be cared about/for and that he won’t be abandoned. Instead of giving him a meaningful speech about ANY of those attributes or issues, she just goes ahead and kisses him. That kiss wasn’t necessary to get any of that across. It was just…ambiguous-filler and very anti-climatic and disappointing.In regards to your other point about Lucifer getting bored with Chloe, I don’t know about that. The fact of the matter is, we don’t know if this is Lucifer’s first committed relationship or not. Maybe he had tried experimenting with “commitment” in the past with someone else (a demon, another supernatural being, or another human) and didn’t care too much for it or found it hard to be committed to that individual. Or maybe this IS his first, true, tentative approach to being in a committed relationship with someone. If it is, he may treat it as an experiment or the new shiny toy in his life. Will he stay with Chloe, after learning all there is to know about her (her deepest desires and all the twists and turns that exist in her soul), and accept that she is both mortal (if she does stay human) AND someone who was handcrafted by Dad/God in order to be in his “path?” That I can’t say. The writers obviously thrive on being unpredictable and are purposely going out of their way to make everything unpredictable, even already-carved-out character personalities.So…*blows out a breath* yeah. I’m going to suck it up and torment myself by watching the “winter-finale.” I will not have hopeful expectations and will be anticipating disappointment. Anyways, thank you for your message and glad to know that I’m not the only one who’s finding this sped-up-relationship questionable or lacking. Feel free to message me again!

#lucifer #lucifermorningstar #luciferonfox #chloedecker #deckerstar #anonymous #thankyou #staywoke #longpost

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