#without jokes skewed self-perception
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The thing is, I'm sure in regular circumstances Jack would ask Joke about why he gave Boss the ring.
Under normal circumstances Joke would probably honestly explain.
But Jack has just found out about Save's (& Hope's) betrayal. And now he has just arrived at the hospital, where Toi Ting, a child that he really cares about, is in critical condition. He is incredibly emotionally raw, and has already been proven wrong to trust in someone he thought a friend (& Hope. Idk what he was to him tbh. Frenemy?). And now there's Joke, telling him that he betrayed him as well. And that everything happening right now is his fault actually. Of course he won't react in any sort of calm or inquisitive manner. Especially when Joke just tells him straight out "I betrayed you. I am to blame for this"
And Joke just saw the Child he promised to protect, get incredibly hurt. And he obviously blames himself, because not only did his actions help facilitate the circumstances that even led to all this, but he was also not there to protect her. And he had planned to tell Jack about the ring anyway. Definitely not under these circumstances, or at this time. But when Jack started to blame Save and his betrayal for everything, Joke saw not saying anything as continuing to lie. He couldn't let Jack believe that the wrong person was at fault for all of this. Not when it was actually him. So he uses Jack's phrasing, because he believes it to be accurate. "I betrayed you. It's all my fault."
#and next ep someone will tell jack what was actually going on#without jokes skewed self-perception#and without the terrible circumstances#and he will want joke back#but he will have already sent him away#and this time joke is determined to stay away#because he thinks he ruined everything and will ruin everything even more and disrespect jack's wishes if he ever comes back#so presumably after all the shit with boss is dealt with jack will go get him back#now let me continue to sob#j&j#jack & joker#jack and joker#mine
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i saw a post (that must be from a WHILE back) calling connor autistic and i just haven’t been able to stop thinking about it

in addition to what they’ve said, i also want to point out some other things he does that can be considered symptoms of autism:
repetitive, self-soothing movements.
connor rubs his hands together or plays with a coin if you leave him idle, or in cutscenes. it is a form of self-regulating through repetitive and familiar actions. i think fixing his tie as often as he does can also fit into this.
additionally, there is a deleted scene in which he grabs onto his collar for comfort when amanda tries to override his control in the final mission.
inability to fit in with own kind (deviants – parallel with neurodivergent peers) but also with others (humans – parallel with neurotypical peers).
as mentioned, connor struggles to relate to and bond with hank – “i think working with an officer with personal issues is an added challenge” – despite being programmed to fit into ‘any kind of group’ (desc. from his gallery). he has difficulties understanding him and voices this to amanda.
however, he also struggles to relate to fellow deviants, or androids in general, and is very different from them. this could be partly because he is a prototype, but so is markus, and he blends in well. connor, meanwhile, had a very skewed perception of both humans and deviants (see: him picking the most dumbass outfit and pose to infiltrate jericho) and struggles to interact with them, appearing hesitant at all times (see: telling markus he understands if he decides not to trust him, sounding somewhat uncertain when proposing his plan to markus or north, his whole relationships with hank and gavin etc.)
misunderstanding or total lack of understanding of social cues, norms, or common sayings.
he displays confusion when hank says “you know where you can stick your instructions?” (“no. where?”) – which could be irony, but i read it as genuine. he has trouble interacting with people ‘normally’ and cannot emote properly, one proper example being how weird he smiles (see: awkward smiles when he talks to hank at the station the night after the interrogation, weird smile given to gavin when he does not understand his humor).
speaking of not understanding humor, not only does he find gavin unfunny, he also does not get hank’s gruesome humor (see: frowning when hank jokes “they must have really had it in for him”).
moreover, he speaks over hank (see: speaking over him in his house, thanking him for his cooperation while hank is yelling at him) without seeing it as ‘bad’ – lacking a social cue.
clear, sole focus on one single thing.
this is, of course, his mission, regardless of what it is: catching deviants (machine) or helping jericho (deviant). he always is troubled and/or upset if he fails it, and he doubts himself, is confused or disappointed when he lets androids go, and, if he explains himself, he visibly struggles in doing so: “it’s my fault, i should’ve been faster”, “i don’t know why i did it”, “there was no reason to shoot that android” etc.
sticking to routine or to familiarity.
connor does not get rid of his android uniform, nor LED, after deviating, as markus and kara do straight away. you can argue the other two do it out of need to blend in, but it is also something that frees them; connor does not take after them in this.
noticing small patterns or details other don’t
this is literally part of his programming LISTEN TO MEEEEEEE
while i don’t think all androids are neurodivergent, deviancy, in connor’s case, can be read as an allegory for neurodivergency, specifically autism.
connor always displays symptoms of deviancy regardless of your playthrough – he lies to hank in the stratford tower in ALL routes, this being a canon, non-choosable cutscene, and another solid example is fear. he expresses fear through gestures (see: flinching away from the stratford tower roof if he died from falling in the hostage chapter – fear of heights) or dialogue (see: discussing death with hank on the bridge: “nothing. there would be nothing”; being conflicted when amanda tells him he may replace him.)
machine connor is, thus, connor masking. he always has some humanity in him, but he shoves it away deep down when taking the path of a machine. he still gets frustrated (example: after his rifle stops working when he attempts to kill markus; swearing if the bomb is detonated following the deviants’ loss of the war), troubled/conflicted (example: “what’s going to happen to me?” and his little reactions when amanda presents him with rk900), and even appears sad (example: his reaction to hank’s suicide, his LED turning red, it appears as though he forces it back to blue.)
while i don’t think this is the intention of the writers, autistic connor is canon to me. he is android autistic. thank you
#guess who just got back into dbh#dbh#detroit become human#detroit: become human#d:bh#detroit: bh#connor#connor rk800#dbh connor#connor dbh#character analysis#connor anderson#connor analysis#dbh fandom#autistic coded character#autistic connor#autism#autism headcanon#autism hc#autistic headcanon#autistic hc#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#neurodiverse stuff#neurodivergent headcanon
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Young God | L.DH (M)

SYNOPSIS: desperation had this funny way of skewing one’s perception, and since you were, in fact, way past the point of desperation, it wasn’t a surprise that you jumped the gun without even questioning the absurdly cheap rent price of the seemingly perfect apartment unit. What you failed to consider was the reason why it didn't cost you and arm and a legand it soon came in the form of an incubus in your bathroom belting his heart out on a Sunday morning.
(alternatively: in which you were essentially scammed into cohabiting with a ridiculously clingy demon that lives off of sex. It could be worse. At least he staved off from sucking your soul out in exchange of you sucking something else—among other things).
GENRE: supernatural, urban fantasy, college au, slice of life, humor, rom-com, crack treated seriously, fluff, smut (full warnings under the cut! Please read them).
WORD COUNT: 35K
WARNINGS: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. incubus!hyuck, afab!human!reader, mild horror elements, mild blood and gore, crude language and jokes, some lore sprinkled here and there, none of these people have brain-to-mouth filters, bickering (as a love language or foreplay. you decide), egregious use of the em dash, cooking as a love language, wet dreams, dry-humping, handjobs, oral sex, face-fucking, masturbation, Jaemin, mild allusions to exhibitionism, mentions of edging, squirting, mc gets a little roughed up by another demon, hyuck kills said demon (as he should). unprotected sex (please practice safe sex unlike these two), creampie, tentacles (LISTEN. it’s not that bad I promise! They’re more like glorified ropes made of smoke if anything, but if you’re uncomfy with the idea but still want to read until the end, the passage starts at “Oh that feels weird” and ends with “You weren’t lying when you said you could take it,”)
NOTE: i fought hyuck-shaped demons writing this fic so please please pleaseeee lemme know what you think! do not let the warnings fool you, this is actually cuter and funnier than it should be despite the sexual undertones lmao 😭 All this came to life from pure self-indulgence and some of the dialogues that startled me awake on most of my nights lol.
PLAYLIST: Young God by Halsey — Eyes Roll by (G)I-DLE — Pretzel (♡) by NCT Dream — Galipette (BIBI Remix) by Lolo Zouaï and BIBI — Sunshine Of Your Love by Cream —Tastes So Good — Sabrina Claudio

“I’m the king of everything and oh my tongue is a weapon. There’s a light in the crack that’s separating your thighs and if you wanna go to heaven, you should fuck me tonight.” — Young God by Halsey

I.
The first red flag you should have picked up on was the ridiculously cheap rent price.
Which, given the circumstances, was almost unheard of in the current hellish state of the economy and being part of the lower income bracket. Safe to say you were this close to ripping your own hair out when you were notified of your rent’s increase in price. You could barely afford it and you sure as hell won't be able to now.
Life simply picked its favorites and it was unfortunate that you weren’t part of the silver-spooned minority playing the life game on ‘very easy’ mode. Thus began a very desperate search for a place. A dorm? Apartment? Bed-space? Literally anything. Hell, you’d even consider coach-surfing! You weren’t picky, and you sure as Hell weren’t in the position to demand even an ounce of luxury anyway.
So long as you had a roof above your head, you’d take anything.
Though it seemed that the level of desperation rolling off of you in waves was enough to take some sort of effect.
You had no clue what exactly you should call it (divine intervention?), but perhaps there was little power from projecting your urgency along with the rest of the piled up negativity onto the world to the point it pitied you; listened to your misery that a few days later, right when you were on the precipice of calling it quits and leaving your life in the hands of God, a miracle disguised as one of your classmates for an elective brought up a fairly recent vacancy from her apartment complex.
“If it’s anything like the unit Chaewon and I have, I think you’ll like it.” Yunjin reassured, smiling down at you from her perch on the desk. “Plus, it would be nice to have a familiar face around.”
Worrying about whether the place would fit your tastes or not was the last thing on your mind when you were a breath away from filing bankruptcy (could you even afford that?). It had come to a point where you’d be open to anything that all inhibitions and the ever present skepticism you’d usually have hanging around your head were promptly thrown out of the window because:
Huh Yunjin was not only a classmate, but also a friend.
Biases were a thing, so anything Yunjin said was deemed credible on all accounts by you.
You. Were. Desperate. Did you mention that?
And—look, desperation does funny things to your mind. Skewing your perception, for example, or maybe it was a thing exclusive to you because who lets themselves be labeled as ‘colorblind’ (theoretically) after mistaking firetruck red from verdant green?
The answer: you, duh. Though in your defense, promising anyone with a price that affordable would immediately have them fold, never mind the possible consequences that could follow.
Humans were fickle. Humans were simple as they were complex. Temptation came easiest to those who were in a near hopeless state, and you were very human to your core, stepping out of the lecture hall with Yunjin’s landlord’s phone number saved to your list of contacts, feeling heaps lighter than you did this morning.
Statistics showed that it was less likely for women to be colorblind.
It was also said that women were able to identify more colors than men, so it was quite telling that you’ve managed to consistently ignore every single glaring red-flag so far. Might as well be part of the statistics if this keeps up. Theoretically speaking.
(Family history made it impossible for you to have it. Your recognition of colors was no less than perfect. It was just a ‘you’ problem. Not to mention the non-existent survival instinct).
Though, there were some details that really made you think. And by some, you meant your landlord—correction, landlady, as Ms. Hong chided over the phone.
Ms. Hong was a woman well in her mid forties with a taste for anything glamorous. Slender fingers adorned with rings made of gold and wrists chained with the same metal among a few silver glimmering pieces. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary when polite greetings weaved seamlessly into pleasant small-talk, lasting long enough until you brought up the newly available apartment unit. Things took an odd turn then, with Ms. Hong skirting around, hesitant and vague when it came to answering your questions about the apartment.
It was all sorts of strange, now that you thought about it. Unlike Ms. Hong, your previous landlords had the tendency to overcompensate for the lackluster charm of their apartments. Promising to improve whatever that needed to be improved and then downplaying all the current issues that could have been classified as a health violation. All for the sake of milking you dry of your savings.
On that note, you couldn’t exactly tell if Ms. Hong even wanted to rent out the unit or not. You were no stranger to money-hungry landlords who would jump at the opportunity, yet the older woman’s tone was rather gravely when she listed down the possible expenses. Her lack of enthusiasm was becoming a bit too disconcerting, to say the least, that you had to cut her off from her tangent as soon as you felt the agitation creep up, emphasizing how this was a matter of life and death for you.
Begging would have been your last trump card if the landlady didn’t budge, but it seemed that the trembling in your voice finally shook her out of whatever bizarre headspace she was in that the sudden emergence of charisma that could belong to a representative trying to scam you into joining a pyramid scheme was strangely comforting.
That was another thing that flew over your head: the complete 180 in demeanor, completely blinded by Ms. Hong’s eagerness having you view the unit at your earliest convenience.
Ten AM on Sunday morning.
That was your earliest convenience. Also your day-off and the one of many chances spent rotting away on an equally rotting mattress. It was a way to relax, but if it meant you’d be (hopefully) parting ways with your current shitty apartment and the shitty mattress that came with it, then by all means you could forget pretending to not exist for a few hours.
Though you couldn’t say you were optimistic. With your renting history, optimism had no room in your life when all you were left with was disappointment from the barely decent rooms you’ve been in and for sure, Ms. Hong would do just the same. It really wouldn’t be the first time. Certainly wouldn’t be the last either.
But by some unexplained miracle, the outcome was quite the contrary, actually, and for the first time in your adult life, you were starting to see the light at the end of the longest tunnel you have ever been in.
Citrus and vanilla.
That particular scent was what greeted you first as you stepped into the unit which was already a thousand times better than what horrors you were used to and you thought it fit the earthy palette of cream, beige and green. The most surprising thing was that the unit looked to be fully furnished right from the kitchen to the bedroom and lord—the mattress was actually so comfortable that it took a lot of your self-control and the reminder of your (future) landlady waiting to not actually fall asleep.
But it wouldn’t hurt to indulge yourself a little, now would it?
Rolling over, you press your face into the linen sheets, humming in delight at the pleasant waft of freshly dried laundry. It smelt like home, It felt like home and you would definitely regret passing up the opportunity of moving here.
Years of hopping from one place to another, you never had the chance to feel at home. Not when your mind was a permanent whirlwind of worries that just didn’t seem to end no matter how much you tried to deal with them. It hasn’t entirely stopped, but you liked to think you were getting better at keeping them at bay.
One thing that caught your interest was that the sweet and tangy scent was particularly strong here. It wasn’t unpleasant, but a little overwhelming, wrinkling your nose at the intensity of vanilla. Then came the strong urge to look to your right and there you saw a candle in a glass jar burning away on the end table.
Huh, you never noticed that on your way in.
Ms. Hong sure knew how to give a warm welcome, a scented candle of all things. Although you weren’t exactly a fan of the smokey smell that would later stick to your hair and clothes, you appreciated the small gesture nonetheless. And sweet as it was, you were more cautious than to prolong your gratitude.
Risking the possibility of burning the entire unit before you could even sign the lease was the last thing you wanted and without thinking, you blew the flame out.
There was no time to doubt. This was—”everything I’ve been looking for.”
Ms. Hong blinked as you emerged from the inside.
“I’ll take it, but are you serious about the price? It’s fully furnished. Decorated beautifully too.”
All the cool nonchalance the woman displayed prior disappeared in an instant, standing tall and stiff as you watched her open and close her mouth before settling on a croaky, “come again?”
The reaction was strange, but you answered anyway. “It’s fully furnished,” you repeated. “Wouldn’t that, like, increase my rent?”
“What do you—what does it look like in there?”
“Something close to what you’d see on Architectural Digest,” you joked then went into detail about how everything seemed to fit the Pinterest board you’ve made—affectionately named ‘home <3’—and kept on updating since freshman year. It was a little eerie, now that you think about it. How the unit was catered specifically to your tastes.
It was comfortable and cozy. Cozy in a way that screamed slow Sundays of melting your brain with soap operas and endless looping of your daily music playlist to your heart's content. Comfortable in a sense where you wouldn’t mind being cooped up in here for hours on end.
Like you’ve said, it was no doubt everything you wanted in a home.
Though a part of you was a little rattled by how spooked Ms. Hong appeared. A mass of emotions crossed her face as you talked until her expression flattened into something unreadable, remaining tense with her posture despite the smile pulling at the corners of her full mouth.
“Are you okay, Ms. Hong?” You asked anyway. You figured it would give you brownie points, showing a little bit of concern. There could be some advantages to being the favorite tenant.
“Yes, yes!” She waved you off. “Nothing to worry about. I was just a little nervous that you wouldn’t like the place. Clearly, I thought wrong.” Ms. Hong laughed, maybe a little forced, but your spirits were too high for you to overthink it.
“Honestly? I wasn’t expecting much, but I love it! I would move in today if I could, but I still have to pack.” Not that you had much to begin with when the apartment had what you needed, furniture wise, but you still had your personal belongings and it was close to sunset too.
Ms. Hong nodded solemnly, tilting her head and appearing thoughtful. “Good… good. And you’re absolutely certain that you want to move in?”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
Going the poetic route seemed to be enough for Ms. Hong, wasting no time guiding you into her office to take care of the paperwork. The price remained the same, even with your insistence of increasing it for the sake of fairness, but your landlady (for real this time!) wasn’t having it and silently handed over the keys with a keychain where ‘66’ was inscribed on the golden plate, matching what was drilled into the paneled door.
You still couldn’t believe it, really. That you’ve managed to score a charming place within your price range and if the mixture of happiness and relief wasn’t already obvious enough from your cheek-aching smile alone, Ms. Hong didn’t dare comment on it, other than the amused huff she let out, watching you shake in anticipation.
Excitement was a rare emotion to feel these days, not when the weight of college and your part-time job rested on your shoulders, and maybe it was that very reason why the said excitement easily seeped into the questions your landlady had the patience to answer. You’ve never felt this light in a long time and something about the twinkle in Ms. Hong’s eyes said that she understood just as much.
However, the sentiment soon faded as quick as it came; you would have missed it if it weren’t for Ms. Hong calling out your name.
“Do me a favor, would you, honey?”
“Sure,” You looked over your shoulder, gaze inquisitive as the door handle twisted. The woman’s face was drawn into something serious, hands folded properly on her desk. “What is it?”
“Be careful.”
You would have laughed if it weren’t for the intensity in her eyes, and with how she spoke, it left no openings for a light joke. Two words that should have been taken at face value felt like there was more to it. You just didn’t know what.
Perhaps it was a customary thing. A reminder to each of her tenants to not cause trouble for her or anyone? Yeah, that could be it.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Third time was definitely not the charm because how could you miss another clear warning? Ms. Hong’s nails were red too for fuck’s sake! That should have counted for something!
In your defense, with how well the first week was in apartment 66, no one could blame the carefree attitude now that you had a place that was safe and didn’t check every health violation by the book. Inviting friends over was easier, now that you didn’t have to feel sorry for yourself and your visitors for subjecting them to lounge in a barely habitable space.
Yunjin seemed very proud of herself, being the very reason why you were even here in the first place and she truly deserved the extra volume of wine poured into her glass, much to Chaewon’s chagrin. She quickly perked up when you offered her a variety of sweet treats you got on sale, thanking you with a smile just as sweet.
It felt liberating to come home to a place that exuded the warmth you needed right after a long, grueling day of academics, tutoring sessions and your shift at the hotpot restaurant a few blocks away from campus.
Other than your bed, the couch was another place where you’d occasionally try your very hardest to melt into and not think about your existence. If you wanted to be more productive, the small balcony you transformed into a mini nursery for herbs and smaller fruits and vegetables was there to keep you busy. The little gardening hobby went hand-in-hand with the nice kitchen. You finally had enough space to dance around amidst the prepping and cooking you had to do.
You were, quite literally, living the life.
Life has never tasted so sweet and it took only a week at most to make it look like you had your life together; as if you were one of those people on Tiktok who seemingly had their lives figured out based on their minute-long vlogs.
However, there was clearly a time limit to your peace, it being violently ripped away from you as the second week came around. Then did you start experiencing… things.
Strange things, to be exact and it took a lot to scare you.
There were a multitude of things to be frightened of for sure, but you were someone who’d been able to grow some resistance to them as you got older; thought that it’d be a waste to grow wary of the things that would normally creep people out, living alone. It wasn’t in your nature. Not when you miraculously survived being on your own so far, so what was left for you to be scared of?
That was what past-you would have said but for some reason, the world had this unwavering fixation on going against whatever you stood for because this current situation was an entirely different ballpark.
And not finding any scientific explanation to back up the sudden disturbance in apartment 66 was what scared you.
Sure, the smart thing was to raise it as a concern to your landlady, but when it came to weighing your options, you didn’t think the gripes and concerns for the place would be serious enough to be a problem for Ms. Hong to solve. Especially when it wasn’t exactly a maintenance issue.
Let’s be real here, do you think Ms. Hong would be able to do something about the things that go bump in the night? No. You wouldn’t think so. Unless she was able to shapeshift into a cat, going after the rat behind all the thudding, creaking and annoying scratching that woke you up in the middle of the night.
(You realized how utterly insane that train of thought sounded, so that was immediately scratched off. Shapeshifting? Really? That’s one way of letting someone assume you were high on something).
Normally, these hiccups were menial enough to ignore, rolling over to the cooler side of bed and quickly knocking out. Being a nightly problem? It’s a miracle you hadn’t torn down the dry walls yourself to look for the rats and deal with them. Only, you didn’t think the little critters were capable of producing such loud footsteps.
And that wasn’t even the last of it.
Things disappearing and then reappearing at the weirdest of places—house keys in the toilet sink, phone in the microwave and, mortifyingly enough, panties in the cupboards, to which has happened on multiple occasions, leaving you more irritated than scared, actually.
(There were some times where it had been useful though. Like when you were running late to first period and, lo and behold, your house keys and phone were waiting for you on the little nook just beside the door. Or having a fresh pair of socks laid out innocently next to your sneakers. Little things for your convenience for sure that it warranted a hesitantly muttered ‘thank you’ to the air despite being freaked out).
On the same note as ‘things going bump and scratch in the night’, hearing voices became a regular thing, too. There should be a joke written in there somewhere. How it was just your inner monologue increasing volume each night from the stress, but the disembodied voice said otherwise and you knew damn well your daily monologue did not comprise creative threats to your life and soul.
Hearing voices meant that there was, possibly, something else festering in the four walls of your home.
You didn’t feel as alone anymore, and that wasn’t you being all sappy or poetic. You could actually sense that there was an unspecified presence lurking in the shadows of apartment 66, like you were being watched. You could’ve sworn you’ve seen movement from your peripheral too, but for once, from what little remnants of survival instinct you had, you refused to fuck around and find out.
Those were damning signs that told you to leave. Anyone in their right mind would simply book it the soonest they could. And perhaps you had a few loose screws up there, because no one considered normal would manage through all the disturbances, and Hell if you were the one moving out. You fell in love with the place and the hauntings won’t ever change that.
Hauntings. God. You’ve truly lost it. What’s next, a 2023 remake of Casper The Friendly (?) Ghost? Could be. You were still very much alive and that could count as a ‘friendly’ gesture, ignoring the piling grievances.
But then you started having these dreams and you could guarantee that nothing was remotely friendly about what your brain routinely conjured during your slumber: the same dream over and over again.
Same bedroom setting. Same faceless man—seemingly made out of shadows—hovering over you, his weight keeping you from doing anything but squirm each time he leaned in close, whispering—hissing filthy promises as threats of eating you alive after swallowing your soul soon to be damned in Hell with each bite of his words.
And tonight wasn’t any different.
“Not resisting anymore, are you?”
Wait.
That’s new. Not the whole talking thing because the one thing that remained consistent was that this… entity couldn’t for the life of him shut the fuck up, nor could you smother him into silence yourself, minding the Herculean strength he exhibited in having you pinned down.
No, but his voice had character, now that the disembodied filter he had on the majority of the time was absent, leaving you to bask in the high, airy-smooth voice that would have been considered sweet if it weren’t for the fact that its owner showed otherwise through his actions.
How can I when I can’t fucking move? Was what you wanted to say, but it came out as a strangled mess of noises.
It’s always been a gamble. Your dreams, that is and you could never tell which bodily function you could lose in them. Tonight, you were certain that you could neither talk nor move, much to the figure’s absolute delight and this whole thing kind of painted him as your designated sleep paralysis demon.
The demon (maybe) nuzzled into the crook of your neck, breathing in deeply. “You smell delicious.” You could feel him shudder in anticipation, breath hot against your skin from the shaky exhale as he pulled back to stare you down. Or at least you think he did. You couldn’t tell. Other than the twin ruby red glow from where his eyes would have been, his entirety was bathed in absolute darkness.
“Interesting little thing, you are,” he crooned, “usually, any other human would be out the door the moment they could sense me. They’re so easy to scare, humans.” An icy chill ran down your spine at the laugh he let out. Deceptively soft and breathy if you weren’t reminded of your position—this thing straight out of nightmares being bracketed by your thighs. This was all so fucked.
Something akin to a purr rumbled from within him, pleased at the fact that you couldn’t do anything but lay there, unmoving. “You, on the other hand, stayed. Longer than what I had initially expected and lucky for you, I’m beginning to like having you around.”
Cool. So he liked you. Cool. Great. Amazing even.
What the fuck did that even mean?
Were you supposed to be relieved by that? Because it was the last thing you should be feeling in this compromising position. Which then begged the question: did it mean you get to live to see another day? You’d hope so because dying in your dream and inevitably IRL would fucking suck. You haven’t even stayed for that long and your death would be such a waste of money, really.
There it was again. Citrus and vanilla.
Now that you thought about it, this particular aroma was always present. Muted on some days, like a barely there trace of day-old perfume on clothes, and not so pleasant on others, including tonight—strong as this demon (surely) leaned further into your space. Hips pushed down, down, down with purpose as the sickeningly sweet scent increased in intensity, like he was using it to break your resolve, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.
His determination didn’t seem to wane in the slightest from your display of stubbornness, only spurring him on further as his large, warm palms settled on your waist, giving an appreciative squeeze. As if fascinated by how solid you felt in his grip. You, however, were absolutely terrified of how solid he was. How this felt so real that you couldn’t stand being underneath the blood-red glare of his eyes.
The demon let out a huff of amusement the moment you screwed your eyes shut.
All of this was just a dream. A sick twisted dream—a nightmare. Soon as you get yourself to wake up, he’ll be gone. You’ll be free.
“Is it?” He tittered, “a dream? I don’t know, this feels all too real to me, human. Surely you can feel this?” You gasped. Shit. He had claws, digging into the soft skin of your waist. Apply more pressure and you were sure he’d end up breaking through the flesh and leave you bleeding to your very death.
He leaned in closer. Not like he was already too close for comfort before. “Feel me?”
Oh, fuck.
It’s like a sick fucking joke, really. The fact that the time where you truly had a grasp on your vocal chords, you let out the first sound of the night: a moan—followed by a continuous string of them prompted by the thick and hot something pressing incessantly against your crotch with each roll of his hips.
“There we go,” he drawled, lips brushing against the little space underneath the hinge of your jaw, your pulse at its strongest. “You were easier to play with in all your other dreams before, but it’s not like I don’t enjoy a bit of a challenge from a stubborn little thing like you. Let’s see what other sounds you can make, yes?”
He was dead set on pulling them out of you, too, settling on a rhythm that would let his length—straining against what you could assume was skin-tight boxer briefs—drag over your clit covered by thin cotton panties. He made use of his hands too; leaving warm trails of his touch along your skin, like he was leaving traces of himself, branding you his.
It was maddening, to say the least. That even in your dreams, you were still able to feel the rush of pleasure in its purest form thrumming underneath your skin just begging to be let out.
And if that wasn’t enough to wind you up, the same pair of hands curiously traced the bottom hem of your camisole before pushing it up, up, up and exposing your chest to your audience of one. He lets out this satisfied sound, a groan almost and tapering off into gentle cooing; gentle as his hands were in fondling your tits.
If you could move, then the smack he would have gotten from you was well deserved. Men were so easy. Show them your boobs and it’s pretty much all they care about until you stray their attention elsewhere. His dutifully remained on your heaving chest, however, and if you could see, you were sure he would be licking his lips, satisfied with himself as he bent his head.
Holy shit. You were going to die. You were going to be eaten, and then die.
The cry you let out was enough proof that you finally finally had gotten control of your voice; crying out from the sensation of impossibly sharp rows of teeth nibbling on your right nipple, already sensitive from the demon’s tongue laving around the bud. Taking it entirely in between unimaginably soft lips and suckling harshly that your body didn’t know whether to bow against the bed so he could take in more, or pull away from all of this being too much for your senses to bear.
“Aren’t you so cute?” He cooed the moment he unlatched from your other tit, subjecting it to the same treatment and his cock still rutting slowly but firmly against your clothed slit, earning him a drawn out whine. There’s a hand wrapped around your throat now, and you gasped at the pinpricks his claws left. “You make the sweetest of sounds, darling girl.” He said this as leaned in so close that his lips brushed against yours with every syllable.
“I can’t wait ‘til your soul is mine.” and there was no mistaking it; the drag of sharp teeth just below your jaw raised goosebumps across your skin.
Panic immediately swelled in your chest just as you regained full control of your body, smacking his hands away for your fingers to tangle into his hair and push him as far as your arm would let you, heart beating so wildly that it’s a miracle it hadn’t cracked your rib cage. Oh well, small miracles and whatnot.
It looked like he wasn’t at all expecting you to fight back. You thought so too, with his overpowering scent almost lulling you into compliance and, again, the unimaginable strength he had keeping you in place. Catching him off-guard was the smartest thing you’ve done so far into halting the all-consuming dreams—nightmares that all he did was stay still and it’s exactly what you needed.
“Get out!”
You woke up with a sharp intake of breath.
Your hand was still up in the air, fist clenched and arguably at the same height where it was originally resting stiffly on top of the entity’s head. Knees the same as they were before; bent and parted wide enough to accommodate his figure, and let’s not forget your ‘tits out’ situation because your tits, were in fact, still out. How vivid was that dream exactly?
The entirety of your room didn’t look out of place, minus the duvet, thankfully. Probably got kicked down from how you struggled in the nightmare. It was a rather chilly night—the slow beginnings of autumn, so you pulled it back up (right after you fixed your camisole) and settled comfortably underneath the softness of the covers for the second time of the night.
Your eyes slipped close.
“Oh? Going back to sleep already? How rude!”
Your eyes immediately snapped open.
What the fuck.
Nothing could have prepared you from finding a fully grown man sat like a fucking gargoyle at the foot of your bed. Knees bent with his hands right in between them, clutching the cotton tightly in between his fingers, judging by how his grip pulled onto your duvet. You pulled on it too, not willing to expose yourself at this time, and just because you were still petty enough in your sleepy state. You were cold, dammit.
No words were exchanged. No one moved either, but you did spend a long time just sizing each other up as if daring the other to do something. It was still too dark for you to make out his features, the only source of light being the full moon at its brightest which wasn’t much of help.
The thing tilted his head. “Hi!”
You were too tired for this. “I’m going back to sleep.”
“No, wait!” It took everything to not scream bloody murder when he hastily crawled towards the space beside you and sat on his calves, “I’m a demon.”
What? Like that made any difference.
“This is a dream.” It’s got to be because there was no way the man in your dreams was able to materialize right in front of you, claiming he was one of Hell’s spawn. He sounded like him, hell, he smelt like him, but the sheer ridiculousness of the turn of events made it a little hard for you to believe that this isn’t just a tamer, sleep-induced hallucination.
“No it’s not!”
You stared at him with narrowed eyes. Is it just you, or did he sound… whiny? Anyway, “yes, it is.” You groped around before grasping onto your stuffed bear’s limbs. If he doesn’t shut up right now then you’ll do it yourself.
Again, too dark to see his face, but you can just tell he was scowling. “Says who?”
“Me. Goodbye!” And you smacked him in the face with the stuffed toy so hard that he ended up toppling off of your bed with startled yelp. Your eyes slipped close again, pleased.
What a weird fucking dream.
II.
There was someone in your home.
In the bathroom, to be specific.
The trip to the morning farmer’s market didn’t even take that long. Thirty minutes at most to get what you needed for a hearty meal, and yet it was enough for someone to break in, apparently (in broad daylight too! Do people have no shame?) So much for living in one of the safest parts of the city. The advertisements were total bullshit.
Though, you actually weren’t sure if this was better. That it was something or someone tangible disrupting the peace and not the occasional, domineering presence you’ve grown used to. You had to admit, it was kind of funny that hogging the shower was next on their agenda after trespassing. Usually, it was followed by either burglary or first degree murder, but hey, who were you to judge?
It didn’t look like they’ll be out any time soon. What with the passionate rendition of Michael Jackson’s (may his soul rest in peace) ‘Rock With You’—complete with adlibs and all—you’d be lucky if they chose to stay in there and raise your water bill up to immeasurable heights.
At least a bunch of knives stuck to a magnetic rack was within reach if all goes to shit, but you still hoped that you wouldn’t have to draw blood first.
Leaving the stew to boil, you plopped onto the couch with as much grace as a newborn giraffe, sitting in a way where you directly faced the bathroom in case of the possible brawl you might push yourself into due to your lack of survival instincts, apparently.
Yet even with the forewarning, you weren’t exactly prepared to face who or what was on the other side of the bathroom door.
Your breath hitched at the sound of the door unlocking, followed by the click of the light switch and, for some reason, you had your gaze set resolutely at the bottom half of the door. The door opened and a tan leg popped out, and then another and—Jesus, how long do these legs go? Seriously, it should be illegal to have legs as long as that, having felt as if your eyes scanned like… miles upon miles of tan—
Right. This was an intruder in your home.
A man to be exact, and he had the gall to mirror your own shell-shocked face as if you were the one who broke in.
Though, you couldn’t deny that he was gorgeous. Inhumanly so as you took a closer look at his face. Sun-kissed all over as if the big ball of fire in the sky decided it wanted a human counterpart. Waves of dark hair fell just shy above his waterline and framing a pair of wide, darkened amber eyes (is that eyeliner?) burning with as much curiosity you had amidst your fight or flight response kicking in. He kind of fit the ‘tall, dark and mysterious’ archetype that BookTok lovers—er, loved, but there was very little mystery to be intrigued by. Not when his thoughts, feelings and intentions bled so opaquely on his face.
Amusement tilted every angle of his features, namely his sleepy eyes and heart-shaped lips. If you possessed half a brain, you would have thought he was harmless, yet the hair-raising grin that broke out on his face told you otherwise, making you bristle.
“Now where’d you run off to this early in the morning?”
You gritted your teeth, feeling a vein pulse on your temple. That voice.
Pretty privilege could be addressed next time because at this very second, you weren’t feeling privileged being graced by the so-called prettiness, but threatened to even fully appreciate what he’s got going for him. Physically wise.
Without thinking, your hand shot out to grab the closest thing to you, an empty vase, and hurled it with all you’ve got, aiming straight for the intruder’s face who didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. It was like watching everything in slow motion, how the decorative piece took its sweet time to smack his face and hopefully break his nose (best case scenario).
This was the worst case scenario, with the vase pausing in mid-air as if time just decided to stop being a thing, all in this demon’s favor.
You were actually going insane. That was the only explanation because no law of physics could explain the current state of the decorative vase—it’s still in the fucking air. Holy shit—nor did you think telekinesis could extend beyond the old, generic trick of bending spoons with your mind.
“Hey,” As if you weren’t terrified enough, the stranger peeked from one of the vase’s sides with a disapproving pout. You scooted further away until your back hit the arm rest. “I picked this out for you, y’know? Thought you’d like it.” With a lazy flick of his wrist the vase ended up floating all the way into the kitchen, much to your horror, to sit on top of the refrigerator.
“Maybe we shouldn’t throw things next time?”
Your eyes flickered towards him, dumbfounded.
“You… last night,” There really was no mistaking it. The voice already told you enough. It was all too distinct; the arrogance, the grating inflection that screamed he solely existed to get on your nerves, and it was working. “In my dream. That was you?”
“Wasn’t just last night, little human. I’ve been in all of your dreams since you moved here.” He shrugged, leaning laxly against the door frame with his arms crossed. “You were way nicer in them. Pliant,” he had two fingers up to prove whatever point he was making. “didn’t throw things at me,” and there goes the third finger.
Smoke was practically coming out of your ears as you sat up straighter, tense. “Oh, I’m sorry!” One of your hands flew to your chest, tone high and mocking. “I didn’t know I had to show proper etiquette to a fucking trespasser!” You scrambled for your phone. “Now, please leave or I will call the police—”
It happened all too fast. Too fast for your human brain to comprehend because just a second ago, you were really serious about involving the police in this. Now, you were flat on your back with the wind knocked right out of you and a lap full of the man plaguing most of your nights. The atmosphere felt heavier, now that the kittenish air surrounding him was gone and the very corner of his lips tilted down into a frown as he plucked your phone out of your hand.
“First thing’s first, no police. You won’t get rid of me that way. Second, this is my”— he pointed to himself —“home. My apartment. I was just nice enough to let you stay for how long you liked.”
“I paid for this unit you—you demon!” You didn’t even try to be subtle with the eye-rolling. Of course he would preen at the title. “If anything, it’s my apartment!”
“Okay? I tied a piece of me down to this place. My sigil is somewhere around here to prove it—meaning, I have higher authority.”
A sigil. Of course. This is your life now. Possibly sharing a space with a fucking demon of all things. Exciting, but not exciting enough to stave off your hunger and you were starting to get antsy. You were just arguing for the sake of arguing to blow off some steam and to get in the last word.
“I signed a lease. The lease has my name on it.” you said as if that was on par with whatever he was talking about (probably not).
“Technically, I signed away a part of my life, so.”
Fuck. Fine. He got you there.
“Are you always going to do this?” You resigned, wriggling underneath his weight. “You’re kinda heavy.”
“I mean, if it works, right?” The demon giggled, tilting his head with a coy smile as he put more weight onto your thighs, one hand falling behind to rest on your knee. “It’s not like you complained before.”
“Technically,” (“I do not fucking sound like that.”) “those were dreams—dreams, so they don’t count.”
Which meant that you had full control of your body out of the dreamscape, proven by the indignant yell the demon let out as he was unceremoniously pushed to the ground for the second time within the twenty-four hour time frame. It wasn’t enough to make up for the numerous times he had you under him, but for now, you were even.
“They sure do!” he exclaimed from where you left him still sprawled on the floor.
“Nope. This conversation is over.”
The stew was just about done, soup reduced to the right amount as you switched off the stove and range hood, bathing your apartment in still quietness besides the bustling from outside. The soft padding of feet came in quick succession until warmth hovered just mere centimeters behind you.
Turning your head, the demon was there, his chin just shy of resting onto the dip of your shoulder as he peered curiously at the steaming pot.
“Is that… kimchi jjigae?” he wondered, taking a generous whiff and appearing just as hungry as you felt. “It is kimchi jjigae.”
You snickered, all animosity fading into faint amusement, “I take it that you’d like some?” It was such a human reaction that you couldn’t help but smile, reaching for the ladle.
“Please?” he pressed, amber eyes all wide and imploring. “I haven’t had a decent bowl of the stuff in, like, weeks.”
“Well, make yourself useful. Set the table, yeah? And pass me two bowls while you’re at it. You know where they are…” you trailed off, looking at him in silent question. You haven’t asked for his name, or what he would like to be addressed as.
Somehow, the demon was rather quick on the uptake, curling his lips as he pushed off to do what you asked him to.
“Haechan,” he called over his shoulder, grinning as he reached for the cupboard’s handle. “You can call me Haechan.”
So.
There was someone in your home, and he was a demon sitting across from you, digging into his second helping of the kimchi jjigae you initially planned on rationing out for the entire week.
Like an actual living and breathing demon—an incubus. A demon dependent on sex, and from what you’ve heard from one of the girls utterly obsessed with the occult and anything spooky, Incubi and Succubi do, in fact, fuck to survive. A fuck or die slowly situation which earned Haechan a dubious look when he confirmed through a mouthful of pork belly.
(You weren’t too sure if you heard right when the mentioned occult-obsessed classmate later added that the human could literally go insane from the amount of life force they’d lost. Or that some incubi and succubi do it for the purpose of reproducing. Hopefully she was wrong because—well—because).
“Okay,” you let the spoon clatter into your bowl. “Okay.” you repeated in a way to soothe yourself before broaching on the topic, prompted by morbid curiosity because hello, who wouldn’t start questioning the ‘monster’ you were stuck with for an indefinite amount of time? “So! What, you fuck anyone that comes to live here?”
“Mm—one second,” he raised a finger and then swallowed. “This is really good and, well, yes and no?”
You hit him with a pointed look. “It’s either yes or no.”
“Nosy, nosy,” he tutted, heat creeping from your neck and up at the sight of his smirk. “Curious about my body count, aren’t you, sweet thing?”
“Uh,” you said intelligently, brain short-circuiting at the pet-name. “Am I allowed to be?”
Haechan beamed. “‘course! Honestly, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t. Humans are naturally curious, aren’t they? Kinda weird that you’re so calm about this though.”
He wasn’t wrong. You were the perfect picture of calm listening to him talk about his origins and any sane person would think Haechan was just talking out of his ass. It was likely due to the fact that you’ve become desensitized to most things and consequently, this was less weird than being offered cocaine right outside of campus.
“I’ve been through worse.” You shrugged and there was something absolutely hilarious about a demon of all beings expressing a mix of concern and confusion when you waved him off. “So what does ‘yes and no’ mean?” You pressed further, curious and maybe a smidge nosy.
Other than the hectic lifestyle you live, things were pretty much boring when it came to experiences outside of your academics and extracurriculars, and your part-time; the latter only holding a modicum of drama that involved teenagers and their own diluted version of pettiness and the occasional entitled ahjummas that were dead-set on making your life miserable than it already was with maintaining an absurdly high GPA to keep your scholarship. Not to mention you were barely scraping by with your savings.
Taking in Haechan and his brazen glory, you might as well live vicariously through him to feel something, right? Like one of those moms who’d force their own kid to live out their dreams. And so you were going to pry as much as he would let you. Haechan was shameless in his own way anyway, proudly so with how he was literally wearing a pair of your sleep shorts that left nothing to the imagination and a zip-up that was definitely his. You didn’t remember having one with horns attached to the hood and you wouldn't wear anything too on the nose if you were him.
(You could have sworn an ass cheek popped out when he was getting a drink from the fridge—Christ, you didn't remember the specific pair being that short—not that you were looking on purpose, no way. His thighs were literally displayed like that).
“Meaning, I don’t limit myself to just my tenant. The risk of them dying is lower that way. They get the time they need to regain the life force they lost while I go out, find a willing soul and… take what I need.” you pointedly ignored the glint of mischief in his eyes by taking a long, generous sip of your water. Haechan snorted at the loud gulp. “We’re not all evil.”
With what your dreams were made of in the past month or so, you highly doubt a singular demon would align their morals with yours. The thought was ridiculous enough on its own and apparently, it translated so well on your face—a grimace that said all that needed to be said—that Haechan had to laugh with crinkled eyes and a scrunched nose, both in which oddly made him look less of the sex-deprived creature etched into your skull, and more human.
“And I don’t really want a human’s death on my conscience. It’s in our nature, there’s no doubting that, but Hell isn’t lawless as you think it is. We have rules to follow. We still have to be kept in line and it just so happens that humans are—ah, how do I say this—precious,” he said with air quotations. “to our supreme overlord. Humans help keep Hell the way it is, and we try not to terrorize them too often.”
“Bit late on that, don’t you think?” you said dryly, being a victim of his terrorizing.
Haechan didn’t even look the least bit remorseful. “What can I say? Frustration is such a cute look on you, darling.” He cooed, a lop-sided grin stretching wide enough that a fang glinted underneath the overhead light as it caught on his lower lip. “I could just eat you up.”
“Please don’t,” You don’t even want to imagine the damage his piercing canines could do. “I’m not really into vore.”
Haechan giggled, resting his cheek onto an open palm. “You’re so funny.”
“Um!” you were beginning to feel like you’ve aged five years from this conversation alone. “That’s all I need to know, really.”
As interesting as it sounded (e.g; the logistics of Hell’s governance, rules Hellian’s had to follow, the social hierarchy and the importance of humans, surprisingly) you thought it was far too early to go into the nitty-gritty details of anything incubi or succubi related. The fact that Hell mirrored human society in a democratic sense with far more nuances than you would expect was all sorts of intriguing, but your curiosity on that could be satiated another time.
You cleared your throat. “Anyways, thank you for answering.”
Haechan hummed in response, going back to demolishing his food.
Right now, you were more inclined to know what this meant for you and your living situation.
Speaking of.
“Is that why the rent is so cheap?” you wondered, eyebrows knitting together. “Because it had you stinking up the place?” The chair creaked as you fell back against it, arms folding above your chest to scrutinize him more.
Haechan gasped, mouth falling open at the jab. “Excuse you! I smell great!” and as if on cue, the scent of tangy sweetness went up right up your nose, making you grimace.
“It’s a little overpowering sometimes,” you confessed, wrinkling your nose and by the strange act of mercy, the smell dialed down and the urge to keel over disappeared completely. “Seriously, is anything normal too much for you? You couldn’t say ‘hi’ to me normally?”
Haechan arched an eyebrow. “What about ‘sex demon’ screams normal to you?” Touché. “And my way was much more fun.” (“it was fun being a nuisance?” you mumbled) “If I was that much of a bother, why didn’t you complain to Ms. Hong?”
You just about mirrored his expression, “what does my landlady have to do about this?”
Like, yeah, Ms. Hong had her responsibilities being a landlady, including the comfort of her tenants and having their best interests at heart, but you didn’t think she’d waste her time with your… special predicament. Ms. Hong probably had better things to worry about anyway, so why did he bring her up? Better yet, why was there familiarity with the way Haechan addressed her?
“She only tried to banish me one too many times,” He huffed as he mirrored your posture. “I got so sick of it that I left my sigil here so she couldn’t do it anymore. She knows better than to tamper with demon magic.”
“Banish—again, what?” Your head was already spinning from the onslaught of information you’ve been fed up until this point. Add Ms. Hong and her involvement in this? It’s a miracle your brain hadn’t imploded on itself.
“You really don’t know?” Haechan cocked his head, regarding you with an unreadable expression for a short moment, just watching you silently process what he said until his face smoothened to show a little bit of sympathy. “Darling, Ms. Hong’s a witch.” He spoke slowly.
“I literally just found out that you, an incubus, exists. How was I supposed to know she was a witch?!”
Though it did make sense. How weird your landlady acted during the first meeting. How cryptic she was in answering every question you had prior to viewing the unit and she essentially begged you to ‘be careful’ before you left. She knew very well that apartment 66 was housing a demon and cut the costs as compensation, leaving you to figure out the fatal flaw of this damned unit.
Haechan shrugged. Okay, so he’s useless. Great.
With a heavy resigned sigh, the table clattered as you clutched your head. “She’s a fucking witch and she scammed me.”
“Can’t be scammed if you’ve gotten what you asked for—an apartment perfect for you.” Unlike yourself, Haechan found this absolutely hilarious. So nice to know that someone found amusement in your suffering. “with an added little something to keep you entertained, yes?”
It was obvious what he was hinting at: himself, looking up just in time to catch him flashing you a cheeky grin as you stiffened at the sensation of his foot brushing up and down your shin—which was a bizarre choice. Bizarre for you, but another Tuesday for him. The clock barely hit ten and here Haechan was, wasting no time shooting his shot so he could have his fun. Just when you thought your life couldn’t get any weirder.
How he knew of your wants, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how he did. With Haechan and his display of freaky ‘demon magic’, you'd assume anything was possible for a Hellian like him, peeking into your head as if it was free real estate. Asshole.
“I don’t remember ever asking for you,” you grumbled, your foot pushing down on Haechan’s to stop him. God, were you seriously playing footsie with a demon?
“Oh? Then that’s too bad,” he said through a pout, mocking. “Unless you find a witch powerful enough to get rid of me and my sigil, I’m staying—and it’s not like you could afford to move again.”
And it’s all kinds of condescending. The way he talked, the way he leered, yet even with all the goading, he was right. There was no way you could afford another down payment for a new place that would surely have a higher jump in price, so you stayed quiet. It was a time like this where you wished there was a reset button to life. Why weren’t you born into money?
“Thought so. Glad we’ve come to an agreement.”
The self-satisfied smile he sported was all sorts of grating, but you weren’t going to risk what he could do to you if you threw a bowl to his head.
Demon magic was an entirely different thing still beyond your human brain’s comprehension, and his black-lacquered nails were like a silent threat on their own.
The scratches on your neck and waist serve as a reminder that Haechan had claws that could tear you apart, hidden in plain sight.
“I still can’t believe you didn’t know supernaturals exist,” Haechan said in slight awe and wonder, lightly swinging his feet from his perch on the counter. “I mean, it’s not like we’re hiding what we are. I’m sure someone warned you, or something.”
With the absence of any self-preservation skills, it wasn’t all too surprising that your Grandma took it upon herself to become the overbearing parental figure in your life.
Grandma was the exact person Haechan was referring to. You told him how she’s as superstitious as they could come and she, with her unwavering belief in anything supernatural, had tried to drill the same into your head. You had practically grown up with her making you do things that could hopefully stop you from going face-to-face with one; would even commission one of her equally insane friends for amulets or talismans to keep the malevolent creatures from latching onto you.
Being who you were, hyper-independent from such a young age to present, those little trinkets you were forced to wear ultimately ended up in the trash and Grandma had long given up on that alternative, fed up with you constantly “losing” them.
Too late now, you thought. When there’s Haechan on your kitchen counter, magic singing with each languid flick of his hand that wound around your wrists like how a cat’s tail would—soft, warm and grounding. Which you didn’t think was even possible when all he used it for was to dry the dishes you hand him, putting them away after with a wave of his hand. If Grandma could see you now, the old crone would likely keel over and die of a heart attack.
“Grandma was kind of insane,” you joked. Paranoid too as she would always call you home the moment the sun went down in fear of you being snatched away by some cryptid. “She was against me going to college, harping on how the city was too dangerous for her ‘sweet girl’. But I wanted different things and I never believed in anything she said.”
If you did, that would also mean you would have let her instill into you the fear of something you weren’t even sure existed. Perhaps struggling to keep yourself afloat wouldn’t even be a thing if you just stayed under Grandma’s roof, but that was another can of worms you didn’t really want to open today.
“Grandma was right, though.”
“Yeah,” you huffed, giving him a brief once over. “Clearly.”
Haechan hummed, preening under the attention. “She really is. Seoul’s infested with all sorts of creepy crawlies. Like, vampires make up most of its supernatural population. You’d usually find them in upscale districts like Itaewon or Gangnam. Bougie fuckers, I know.” he said, matching your own disbelief. “But they’re very generous. Can’t say I’ve had any boring times with the leeches either. Their fangs are really sharp. Sharper than mine.”
You didn’t need to put two and two together to get what he was hinting at. By the lecherous, wide smile that showcased Haechan’s own set of upper fangs, a little shorter than would you’d think of a vampire’s, it was enough to tell you that he’s had his fair share of hook-ups with the bloodsuckers.
You wrinkled your nose at the thought. An incubus and a vampire. That’s a very interesting picture to paint. “I thought humans were the default favorite for you demons?”
“I never said they weren’t,” he said. “Doesn’t mean that I can’t try anything else though. Like, Think of it this way—you have a favorite food to eat, right? Eat too much and you’d def grow sick of it. It’s like that.”
“So, in essence, you put off humans to grow… an appetite? To crave for them?”
“Awe, see? You’re catching on,” Haechan cooed. “Though, slight correction, I always crave for humans.”
He was fucking with you. He’s got to be, yet you didn’t think you were in a place to judge his choices. You were painfully human. You didn’t need to do anything drastic for sustenance.
“Whatever gets your fill, I guess. You look like you have it easy, picking out any willing human to be yours for the night anyway.”
You weren’t blind. You were the farthest from dumb too and just looking at Haechan was enough to tell you that he had it easy. That batting his eyelashes once or twice—three times, for good measure—would get anyone keeling over, scrambling to give what he had asked for before Haechan’s deceptive sweetness turned sour. Threatening. Deadly.
With the way he carried himself, how he talked, how his mind worked—all being from the hours-long observation you've mentally conducted—it was just telling how Haechan wasn’t necessarily a stranger to compliments. He was made to be desired. He was made to fulfill such desires, and you could only imagine how often he hears praises for the way he looked. You didn’t didn’t need to add on the number. It's not like he’d die from not hearing anything from you. Haechan could live.
What he could not live without, you were starting to notice, was to have his fun pushing your buttons. The shit-eating grin just told you as much.
“Don’t let that get to your head.”
“Too late! You think I’m sexy,” he sang. “As you should, actually.”
“I hardly think heavy eyeliner is sexy,” you quipped.
Haechan begged to disagree, letting out a wounded noise. “It makes my eyes pop.”
I hope they pop out from your skull. “Sure they do.”
Here’s the thing: It did make his eyes pop. The unnatural amber shade was already ‘poppy’ as is, backlit by an incandescent glow, a detail the less educated would surely miss from being distracted by everything else. To you, it was the one damning trait that showed Haechan wasn’t at all human and the smokey darkness intensified that.
Haechan’s eyes were beautiful, hauntingly so, but you would rather gouge your own eyes out than to admit it out loud. You planned on wasting away for the entire day and you weren’t letting psychological warfare stop you.
Clearly, the parasite (see: Haechan) had other plans that involved ruining yours. It was like peace was never an option and here you were, given a demon to make sure you’d never find out what it would be like. Being at peace.
(Going back home to Grandma was starting to become a tempting out from this).
Haechan giggled despite the sarcasm, tilting his head to regard you with a look that was almost fond if it wasn’t for the permanent smirk etched onto his face.
“Oh, I’m going to have so much fun living with you, Y/N.”
You narrowed your eyes, “can’t say the same.”
“Don’t be like that,” he murmured as he poked the tip of your nose with his index finger, chuckling when you went cross-eyed. “I’ll make it fun.”
You scoffed, jerking your head away as if he burnt you. “Keep your hands to yourself, demon.”
Haechan only laughed as you made a break for your balcony with the idea of seeking refuge in the mini-garden that had been set up until the burn in your cheeks faded so no embarrassment, not even the slightest bit, would leave a trace.
“Something tells me you’re gonna want them on you soon,” came his reply as soon as you reached the halfway mark towards the sliding glass door. “and you can trust that I won't ever disappoint.”
He’s so fucking sleazy. You had half the mind to whirl around to pick another fight since ‘flight’ was immediately scratched from your choices, kind of like how the initial fear you had dissipated into nothing now that you were aware of what was haunting your apartment. All you felt was annoyance and my God did you want to fight him.
However, before you could even simulate a play-by-play of ‘Giving the Demon In My Home A Piece of My Mind’ in your head (with the hopeful outcome of Haechan reduced to a pathetic heap on the floor. Poetic, you thought, that an all too powerful entity was beaten down in that state), a surprised squeal interrupted your thoughts of murder, thanks to an invisible force hauling and backing you up against a sturdy, warm, smelling suspiciously of fucking tangerines—Haechan.
Boundaries were non-existent to Haechan it looks like, his arms loosely coiled around your shoulders like a snake luring its prey into a false sense of security as soft lips brushed along your cheek; warm and gentle before settling onto your temple.
“All you have to do is ask and I’ll be yours.”
III.
Having Haechan as a live-in something, was just.
Well.
Normally, the term ‘demon’ being attached to someone would already have some eyebrow raising expectations dealing with the macabre set in stone (mostly influenced by the very same supernatural dickrider classmate. You can never be too safe). Like him sacrificing a poor virgin on a pentagram scrawled onto the parquet flooring in haste, surrounded by candles as Haechan spoke in tongues. Or him engaging in orgies—also on a pentagram, but bigger for at least five people to pay their tributes to Satan through nutting one too many times. Which was? Good for them?
Only, the floor was spotless; hastily drawn pentagrams absent so there were definitely no virgins sacrificed (yet). No orgies either since the nights became surprisingly still, post-Haechan.
Having Haechan as a live-in something, was just, for lack of a better term, normal.
Something close to dull if it weren’t for the constant reminders that this was a wretched so-and-so demon you were learning to deal with. The reality of it all was borderline boring that you hinted he was free to go ape-shit with his demonic duties. Many, many times until one odd look from Haechan, a silent prompt for you to elaborate, had you deciding against it and excused yourself to tend the small garden.
(He followed behind a second later, poking and prodding until you threatened to spray him with holy water).
In some way, Haechan had no problem adapting with your lifestyle. It was almost laughable how seamlessly he had woven himself into your routine built from years of being in survival mode. Like he was the cog that you didn’t even realize was missing from the machine and, dare you say it, Haechan has been a pleasant live-in something—a pleasant roommate.
What you liked most though, was that Haechan could cook.
Man, did the incubus know how to cook.
It was a quirk—perk, really—you had discovered after an offhanded mention of you routinely skipping breakfast to maximize time and efficiency (read: you were shit at taking care of yourself).
(“Hi,” you called out as you burst from your bedroom in a rush. “Bye. I gotta go.”
Haechan, who had been standing in front of the stove wearing a Pompompurin apron, turned his neck so fast that a crick was heard. “Wait, what?” His distress went pretty much ignored as you pulled on the sneakers you thrifted two weeks ago. “You haven’t eaten breakfast yet!”
Oh, you knew that. Mourned it really, but— “No time. I’ll take a slice of toast though,” you said just as the toaster went off.
The incubus shook his head. “No, you’re getting an egg sandwich. An Omelet sandwich. More filling than fucking toast.” Haechan scoffed and behind him, the two golden brown slices of toast floated as the spatula flipped a generous amount of the vegetable omelet onto one of them.
Yeah, that was something you were still getting used to. Magic.
“How’d you take your coffee?”
“Two sugars and one creamer. Both teaspoons.”
“Finally, a normal coffee order,” he sighed, appearing very relieved as he snapped his fingers to conjure a silver thermos before you could even question the weird reaction. “Go on,” Haechan encouraged, gesturing for you to grab it just as your sandwich hovered next to the thermos.
“Thank you..?”)
… and lunch.
(“Make sure to eat lunch, though.”
“Can’t either,” you sighed, stuffing the thermos into your backpack’s side pocket. “Club duties, tutoring sessions—” you ticked two of your fingers up “—plus, I’m on a tight budget until my next pay. My aunt can only sustain me enough.” That, and you’d rather not ask for help even if she insisted. Auntie meant well. You knew that, but she had her own family to take care of and you didn’t want to hear any of her useless husband’s unsolicited advice. Like, fuck that guy. Seriously.
“... dinner?” Haechan tried, sounding almost hopeful, only to balk at the thoughtful look you get while unwrapping your sandwich. You’ve got to be shitting me. “Damn, you live like this?”
Thoughtful turned annoyed which—yeah, Haechan thought he deserved that. “Not everyone has their parents paying for everything. Some of us do have to work.” You took a rough bite from the sandwich, muffling your next slew of words, “don’t you already know this? You have been watching me ever since I moved here.”
He understood anyway. “Not all the time,” he clicked his tongue, switching off the stove and range hood with a flick of his wrist. “I have a life outside being an incubus, y’know.”
“And what do you do in your spare time?”
He smiled something sinister. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”)
The bar was in Hell, apparently, because all it took for you to soften up was to get Haechan feeding you his food. Cooking was the last thing you’d expect from a demon and wasn’t salt considered the Kryptonite to demons and anything made up of evil and malice and shit?
(“Oh, most of us evolved past that. Hell, even Lord Satan’s immune to it. Some of the Hellians are deathly allergic though.” Deathly allergic. How fitting.
“So salt just picks out the weakest link?”
He laughed softly, nodding. “Survival of the fittest.”)
Whatever. You had no room to question Hell and its people’s lore when you were eating like a king, ironically being fed by one of Hell’s people.
Besides, food was one less thing to worry about. An equivalent to luxury; being sent to college with a full, Sanrio themed lunch box that could feed at least three people (see: YangYang. A blockmate you’ve recently gotten closer to whom you’ had caught occasionally staring hungrily at your lunch) and more often than not, you’ve been coming home to a set table and a man in a cutesy apron. You were starting to sense a pattern here.
“Just to be clear,” you began. “you’re not fattening me up just to eat me, right?”
“I thought you weren’t into vore?”
“Please be serious.”
“You’re still alive, aren’t you?” Haechan peeked over his shoulder, snorting. “If that were the case, I would have swallowed you whole that very Sunday morning.” The My Melody apron—pink and frilly all over—surely didn’t help his case.
It was like being held at gun-point by a bear; nerve-wracking, yes and you haven’t forgotten for a second that Haechan had the upper hand for simply being not of the mortal plane. Yet it was oddly endearing, now that you took notice of the gray crewneck that definitely belonged to your wardrobe, cinched around a lithe waist.
It still did make you think though. “So there’s no ulterior motive?”
Haechan whirled around to face you with a gasp, eyes widened in feigned innocence with a hand on his chest. “You don’t believe that I’m cooking from the goodness of my heart?”
You arched an eyebrow.
The demon sighed, lips forming into a slight pout. “Fine. Maybe this is more for my benefit than yours.”
“Haechan.”
Haechan raised both of his hands in what you think was placating. “You’re as good as useless when your life force quality sucks from your shitty eating habits. I’m doing myself a favor,” He shrugged. “If you’re eating good, then I’m eating good—that sort of thing.”
Okay, so maybe you still wanted to punch him in the head.
“Wow,” you said dryly, resisting the urge to get up and strangle him. “Way to make a girl feel special.”
There was a coy smile playing on his lips. “If it makes you feel better, you can just treat me as something that warms your bed,” the incubus brought his attention back to what he was doing previously, deciding against magic, weirdly enough. “In more ways than one. I don’t mind.”
The chair screeched along the floor as you stood up. “I’m gonna be late,” you sputtered, face hot to the touch and scrambling to escape.
Life was so much easier when you weren’t reminded of the possibility of Haechan running to you for his… sex thing. Actually, scratch that, life was so much easier when you hadn’t been made aware of him because there were times where you wondered when that would be. Multiple times. It wasn’t ever brought up; not by you, not by Haechan as he had been somewhat cordial, no mentions of anything related to his survival. At least directly.
In some way, this was different. It’s not often you’d listen to him blatantly offering himself for a test drive, and yes you do run away before Haechan could expound on it every time, yet something curls deep within your gut when you could feel curious eyes boring into your back as you ran off.
Haechan and his propensity for testing the lines was bound to get him smacked upside the head one of these days, but today wasn’t the day. He was smart enough on not exactly breaching the boundaries set, backing up before you could even get creative with damning him all to Hell.
“Here.”
You jerked your head up as you tied the laces of your sneakers and found another variation of a lunch bag dangling right in front of you.
“Thanks,” you said as you stood to your full height, still flustered and avoiding all eye-contact as necessary. “I’ll make sure to eat all of it.”
Haechan only hummed as you took your lunch from him, offering nothing else.
“You know, I’ve always wondered who makes your lunches,” YangYang started, sidling up next to you just as your phone pinged. “They’re all so… detailed. Is it your mom?”
“Ever thought that maybe I made them myself?”
haechan 👹: hi you: what
Telling YangYang outright that your ‘roommate’ went through all the trouble didn’t sound like a good idea when Yunjin was within earshot. Apartment 66 was a one-bedroom unit and she knew very well that you lived alone, her living just right below you with Chaewon, too. Mentioning the roommate would just raise all sorts of questions that could paint you as mentally unstable if you told her about Haechan and his fucking sigil (that you still haven’t found!) that had gotten you in this situation. You felt mentally unstable just thinking about it.
haechan 👹: i miss you :( you: ?? you: what’s wrong with u
Not to mention your mom was as good as dead to you.
“Okay, fair. I don’t think your mom would prepare something so phallic either, lol.” You’d never have thought hearing ‘phallic’ and ‘lol’ spoken out loud in the same sentence would give you this much of a start, immediately looking up from your phone to catch him already holding your opened lunch box with one hand, chopsticks at the ready to poke and prod in the other. “This looks like a dick—look, cherry tomatoes as the balls—”
“Stop doing that,” you hissed, snatching your lunch from him, only to put it in the middle of you two so you wouldn’t have to see him sulk. “No one else is gonna steal my lunch from you.”
you: srsly you’ve been so weird lately haechan 👹: hungry ʕ>Ⱉ<‧ :ʔ you: ? eat something then lol
“So the dick wasn’t code for a quick fuck in the toilet stalls?” He teased, biting down onto the tips of his chopsticks with a sharp grin. “I’d be down.”
If looks could kill, YangYang’s guts would be splattered everywhere on the table.
“Absolutely not.”
You didn’t feel the least bit sorry when YangYang choked on the egg roll you shoved into his mouth.
With pleasantries came oddities and Haechan was never short on the latter.
It’s like this: It has already been established that Haechan was an incubus. A subclass of demons that made up a quarter of Hell’s population and his origins was also proven by the unrestricted use of his magic at home, yet he still liked to show off that he was exactly that.
There were times where you would catch him hovering an inch or two—sometimes higher—from the ground which you thought was rather unnecessary. Again, the blatant usage of magic for anything menial (e.g: opening cupboards, switching lights, turning on the TV that somehow materialized from nowhere when the remote was right next to him) and you found out the hard way that other than the claws, he also had horns and a tail.
Let’s just say Haechan had to stop you from calling 112 at three in the morning. Again.
(No. He didn’t have to get on top of you this time).
Still, having him around had been, more or less, pleasant. Except when he was stewing away on the couch, which also doubled as his bed, in this peculiar form.
From how often it happened, it became a little guessing game with yourself whether you would come home to Haechan in the form you were acclimated to seeing everyday: human and rather unassuming when his beautiful face did all the talking, or the form where he was completely embraced by his own darkness.
Literally.
Like right now and you had to swallow back a scream from how eerie this thing—Haechan came off, sitting on the couch with the inky black haze swirling around him. It rose and fell like tendrils made out of smoke, curling in the air and reaching out for nothing in particular. You’ve never felt so creeped out as you did now. For a moment, you expected that one of the ghostly limbs would shoot out and grab you.
“Haechan?” you called as you closed the door with your foot. The void™ looked over, his blood-red gaze making you flinch. Christ, that always freaked you out, but you smiled anyway to appease him, if not a bit crooked and a smidge wary. “Are you okay? What’s with all… this?”
At that, the smoke stilled before getting sucked into his body, revealing Haechan and all his tan glory, sulking. At least he was wearing his own clothes today, a soft looking shirt and a pair of gym shorts that showed way more leg than you think was considered legal. He was comfortable enough to keep his horns and tail out with black, thick-framed glasses as the newest addition.
It wasn’t the first time you’ve seen him in such a vexed state. Haechan liked to complain. There wasn’t a day where he didn’t voice his grievances that you kind of expected a long-winded rant the moment you walked through the door, but as you looked closer, he didn’t seem to be in the mood for routine.
He seemed subdued. Sun-kissed skin took on a deathlike pallor and devoid of the usual inhuman glow, so unlike the deceptively beautiful incubus, unshakable even against the harshest remark you’d thrown at him. Now, he looked quite the poster-child for pity. Even his striking eyes lacked the ever-present sheen of mischief in them. He looked awfully plain, almost in a sickly way.
His pout took on a more dangerous route, so close to tugging on your heartstrings with how… pathetic he came off. “I’m hungry.”
“Uh-huh. Read your text,” you said, shoving your sneakers into the cubby.
He did know that he lived here way before you, right? This place was his as much as it was yours. A truth he’d always hold above your head to get his point across, which naturally meant that he was free to gobble up anything edible unless you tell him a specific food item wasn’t for his claws to sink in.
“You didn’t start on dinner,” you noted as you stalked into the kitchen for a drink. “Did you want me to cook instead?”
Haechan's face twisted, something a little pained as he let out a soft whine. “Not hungry as in hungry.” he patted his stomach. “I’m hungry as in—y’know.” Haechan made this intricate gesture with a hand. Like you were supposed to know what the fuck that meant—never mind, he was missing one hand. The crude motion he made soon after with it told you all you needed to know. What he was particularly hungry for.
“Ah.” No wonder he was so needy. Why he seemed sluggish; irritable at times as he almost snapped at you for not putting as much sweet chili paste he wanted in the tteokbokki that one time. It was actually kind of cute, that someone who acted like he was above everyone else was reduced to this. “Is that why you’ve been so clingy? Haven’t found anyone to bump uglies with?”
Clingy was one way to put it, but to be specific, for an entity birthed from all that was considered evil and dark, Haechan oddly had a cutesy disposition at times. The clinginess was very apparent though, reminding you of an overzealous cat shadowing your every move, getting in your way sometimes and not quite letting you have space. The apartment wasn’t exactly generous in that area either.
“My dick isn’t ugly,” Haechan scowled, blinking slowly as he slumped against the cushions.
You couldn’t help but to snort as you pressed the bottle’s opening to your lips. “Is it?”
An offhand comment, really, yet Haechan took it as a challenge anyway. Like he did with most things. You blamed it on his Leo placements. “I can prove it to you right now,” He pushed on as he sat straight up, making you freeze. “You’re talking to a very hungry and very desperate incubus.”
Oh. So you were doing this.
Well, it wasn’t like you were not expecting to be Haechan’s temporary object of desire. It’s just, he never outright asked you to sleep with him, making it easy to assume that he got his fix from somewhere else. Sure, there were hints dropped here and there, though you’d prefer if it was spelled out for you to avoid any misunderstandings.
Now it was spelled out for you. Succinctly. No bullshit or riddle-speak to force you into doing mental gymnastics to figure out what he wanted. Nothing could be clearer than the incubus threatening to whip out the monster hiding in his pants just to prove you wrong (as one does).
Also, maybe you should learn how to shut the fuck up next time.
Panic shot through you like an electrical current, choking on your drink when you caught sight of his fingers teasing the waistband of his shorts.
“Wait!” you wheeze after a coughing fit, a hand shooting out to stop him from flashing you. “Can I at least wash up first?”
“Oh,” Haechan actually looked dejected at this as his hand stilled. “Okay. Don’t take too long, or I’ll miss you.”
‘I’ll miss you’. Jesus Christ. Even the text was less weird.
“I’ll literally be only a few meters away?” You sputtered.
“Ugh, too far.” he whined, slinking over the couch’s armrest like a lazy cat. Haechan gave the bathroom door a brief glance before his attention went back on you, eyes softer around the edges and almost pleading. “Can’t I just go in there with you?”
“What.”
“We don’t have to do anything! You can have your shower while I can just sit on the toilet and talk about my day!” Haechan explained. Like it was that simple. “Or you can tell me about yours!” He added as an afterthought as if that would make him sound less insane.
The long look you gave was enough of an answer before you all but rushed into the bathroom, completely ignoring the indignant yell from Haechan as you locked the door behind you.
This was probably the weirdest shower you’ve ever had.
Actually, this was the only weirdest shower you’ve ever had.
As if you weren’t embarrassed enough from Haechan offering to keep you ‘company’—which, again, was insane and very bold. Mostly insane—he spent the first five minutes pawing at the door, whining about how he “won’t do anything, really! Just let me be with you, please.” and maybe, maybe you did kind of entertain the idea for a good five seconds or so, before you were hit with how fucking ridiculous it sounded.
Though, admittedly, it was a little endearing, hearing just how desperate he can get, but also the fact that he could literally poof in if he wanted to. He just chose not to. A literal demon. In the flesh. An incubus with unimaginable power running through his veins he could use and abuse to get his way. And Haechan does none of that.
He was still outside. Still pawing at the door, all the while recounting his day spent lounging about the house since the lack of sex had depleted his energy to doing anything else, apparently.
(Seriously, what did he do in all his spare time?)
Other than that, it seemed the concept of consent wasn’t at all lost, that it still held some sort of value for the people assumed to not have any morals (the more you know). It could very well just be a Haechan thing, nonetheless you appreciated the rare instance of him not testing his luck against the boundaries you’ve set.
You made a face. Half at the way the lukewarm water sprayed onto your face bringing you out of your mulling, and half at the thought that Haechan could be sweet and considerate when he wanted to (or when it was convenient for him).
He did have the face for it. That’s something you have regularly thought about—sleepy eyes, cute button nose, petal-pink heart-shaped lips and the array of moles smattered along his face and neck—yet sweet was the furthest adjective you’d attach to him, honestly speaking. You didn't think he was capable of anything soft, unless it was to manipulate a situation. Not when you were antagonized every waking day God forced you to face until you left Satan’s little minion on the couch for the night, just to do it all over again as soon as the sun bled through the blinds.
(With all the thinking time the shower has given you, you still didn’t know what his actual day-to-day schedule consisted of, though you could so tell that he fit ‘bothering Y/N, the boring human’ somewhere in there. It was one of his favorite past times).
Yunjin once mentioned that your resting face and the intensity of your glaring were the reasons why you were considered unapproachable, scaring off any potential suitor, too.
Like that was a problem. The guys at your university were mid at best and you wouldn't be caught dead with a guy who made getting his daily gains his entire personality trait.
Haechan was a different story entirely, somehow appearing flattered that you were trying to set him on fire with your eyes alone.
Both of you had migrated to the couch with you sitting criss-cross applesauce and a shoulder pressed against the couch’s backrest. Haechan took on a more laxer route; an arm propped up on the armrest to rest a cheek on his fist, torso twisted to face you without losing any of that comfort, and not even flinching when hit by the full force of your glare and furrowed eyebrows.
“So, are you a virgin?”
You glared even harder. “Shut up.”
“I’m just making sure! So I can adjust accordingly. Your first time should always be gentle and sweet, then we can talk about the other spicy shit you wanna try. Christian Grey style.” There was a joke being formulated here. You can literally see him working it out in his head. From the gleam in his eyes and the subtle twitch of his lips, you knew you were going to absolutely hate it. “Could I interest you in some nipple clamps?”
There was a version of Haechan in your head that had just died from spontaneous combustion, just like the other Haechans that died from different causes for simply talking his shit.
“I will clamp your fucking mouth shut, demon.”
“Stop,” he grinned, delighted by the reaction. “you’re gonna make me hard.”
“Freak,” you quipped, folding your arms. “and I don’t think Fifty Shades of Grey is a great representation of the B-D-S-M community. Or a reliable point of reference.”
“Yeah, I figured you’d be snooty with your smut choices.”
Please. You’ve read fan-fiction porn written better than what you’ve seen on the market, or (God forbid) BookTok. Obviously. The argument, however, didn’t make it past your teeth, and it was second nature to rebut against every jab Haechan hurled your way. It was a thing. Your thing. As in plural—for both of you, to engage in a back-and-forth until one of you conceded. It was a Haechan and Y/N thing to argue as if it were life or death.
And for the first time ever, none of you attempted to get the first word in. You could hear a pin drop in the silence that bit at the tail end of Haechan’s sentence and all that was left for you to do was to size each other up. Much like the night you woke to the demon sitting at the foot of your bed, gargoyle-like.
“Right,” you started, pushing yourself up to sit properly. Might as well get this over with. And for the sake of precaution, you can just threaten to waterboard him with holy water if he dared tell anyone else (does he even have any friends?) about what went on behind the manicured door of apartment 66. “How do we do this?”
Haechan inclined his head and smiled.
“Relax,” Haechan stressed as he tried coaxing you into sitting your full weight onto his thighs and then huffing when you couldn’t seem to just… let yourself go. “I’m starting to believe that you are a virgin from how tense you are.”
“Easy for you to say.”
He wasn’t the one who had unwillingly abstained from sex for longer than what was considered normal, and you honestly believed you'd forgotten most of what you've learned from the handful of meaningless hookups you’ve gone through. And yes, perhaps you were a little hesitant. You were pretty sure you have forgotten what a dick looked like too from not getting any on the regular.
Haechan was walking temptation himself. Sex on mile long legs that should be illegal, honestly, and being compared to his gargantuan pool of past conquests was terrifying to think about. What if you became his worst lay to date? That would actually obliterate the last ounces of your confidence and self-respect, and there wasn’t much to begin with.
Unsurprisingly, the incubus didn’t get where you were coming from, judging by the pointed look he gave you. “It literally is. I’m serious. Just sit down.”
And down you went on his lap with an undignified yelp as your fingers dug into his shoulder for balance. Even squirming to get out of his hold was too much work. Like, it was an actual struggle against Haechan’s tighter than tight grip. Fuck him and the abnormal strength. Escaping has never been so difficult until now, and you’d like to think you were rather good at it too.
“Last chance to admit you’re still a virgin,” he teased and sang the word ‘virgin’ just to further annoy you.
You felt your eye twitch. “Not a virgin. Just…” it tapered off into a sigh as you leaned back a bit for more breathing space, staring resolutely at the small, polished black horns protruding from his head. Was it you, or was it getting a bit warm? “It’s been a while for me.”
“Ah. Nervous?” Haechan supplied and the sigh of relief you released when his hands on your hips loosened their grip didn’t go unnoticed, his amusement made apparent with a soft chuckle. “Scared? I won’t bite unless you want me to.” Something told you he’d probably do it anyway. “and I’m not expecting you to like, be a pro or anything. You just sitting on my lap is already doing me wonders.”
Sitting on his lap was doing something for you too. Not quite falling in line with what Haechan was obviously hinting at, but a grounding feeling where all you could really focus on was how unnaturally warm he was. Going hand-in-hand with Haechan’s thumbs trying to meld circles into your hips became a good enough distraction to put the neurons firing off in your brain to a total stand still.
“Will kissing me help you calm down?” Haechan asked after a few beats of silence. “Or is that too much for you too?”
It was a very obvious bait only Haechan knew of to lure you in. The playful tone was too damning to let it fly above your head, yet you didn’t rise to clamp your teeth around the hook. This dragged on long enough and you were actually starting to get antsy because he wasn’t doing anything. He had every bit of power to do anything he wanted with you. You thought you sprawled above his lap was enough of a prompter for him to just take and take, but—
But.
Amber eyes. Striking as they always were even under the dim warmth of the accent lights, were less piercing as they gaze into your own pair. Something else lurked beneath the thin ring of amber, thinned by blown pupils. Something almost balmy and when you started to loosen up, Haechan wasted no time in gently taking both of your clammy hands to place them above his chest. He was warm here too, your palms curving over the slight swell of his pecs, silently marveling at the firm muscles.
Your eyes flickered a moment down to his lips. Haechan huffed softly with a wry smile. You looked away.
He was quick to catch your chin with a hand, however. “I’m gonna kiss you now.” He warned, moving closer and closer—
And Haechan takes.
Pillowy soft lips slot in between your own trembling pair in a gentle dance. Tentative almost, which you knew was your doing while Haechan remained patient in matching what you have set for your own comfort, surprisingly. Haechan was many things, and patient was less likely to be related to his person, yet it was all he was when he changed the angle and deepened each succeeding press of his mouth.
Technically, this wasn’t the first time you shared a kiss with him (them being in dreams), but this was the first time you shared an actual kiss, lucid. Mind ever present and attuned in the moment to feel and act upon Haechan’s lips. So very unlike the fleeting drag of his mouth from your own and down the length of your throat and Haechan kissed like he just knew what to do. Knew what would earn him a sigh, an appreciative hum, or even a airy moan you had just let out from a teasing bite on your lower lip.
And as expected, Haechan forgot what it meant to be patient.
Haechan cursed low under his breath as he pulled away, ripping his glasses from his face and throwing it onto the coffee table with a loud clatter before capturing your lips again, tongue slipping right past the seam of your lips to taste more of you. His hands were just as impatient, leaving his warmth everywhere and everywhere until he sets them onto your thighs encasing his own. Haechan wasted no time feeling you up, squeezing and rubbing the soft flesh as he went higher where one missing detail halted his movements.
He pulled away from you with a wet sound and pressed his lips to your throat, “Just panties?” He asked, voice low and hoarse.
“Easy access,” you murmured, running your fingers through the unruly, but soft head of jet-black strands and pulling him back by the hairs on his nape to take a good look at him. Pulling his hair seemed to do something, or maybe it was the fact that you’ve been hot and heavy with the way his cheeks glowed a faint rosy hue. You didn’t know an all too powerful demon could be reduced to a debauched version of himself through kissing alone.
It’s made clear to you again that you still have much to learn and at this point, you couldn’t even deny the feelings that conflicted with your head.
“Less talking and more kissing.”
You wanted him. You wanted Haechan and all the oddities that may come with him.
“Oh, darling girl,” He cooed. “I’m all yours.”
The gradual descent from soft and measured to desperate and graceless was an all-consuming sensation of the incubus pulling your chin down so he could easily lick into your mouth. Like this was his personal way of sucking the soul out of you, through the languid drag of his tongue against yours. It was hot, wet, Messy. So messy and the slick sounds of smacking mouths wasn’t enough to alleviate the raging fire burning underneath Haechan’s golden skin and with the way he was holding you so close to him, you would think he was trying to fuse your masses together from sheer willpower alone.
Kissing soon became a forgotten art form, becoming less invested in the sweet taste of him and more inclined to draw out rough, dragged out groans with the slow rocking of your hips. It was a heady feeling being able to have the upper hand, even just for a short moment because if there’s one thing that was painfully obvious about the demon, it was that he hated losing.
(It’s beyond you how he’s able to make anything into a competition).
And the shiver that wracked throughout your entire body from Haechan sneaking his fingers underneath the flimsy garment of your panties was all sorts of rewarding, gripping the bare skin of your hips to guide you into pressing impossibly closer to his hefty bulge. An almost perfect fit in between the apex of your thighs. He wasn’t done, however, because an arm wound around your waist to keep you in place, and an unprompted moan tumbled from your mouth from jerking upwards to match the languid circling of your hips.
“Like that,” Haechan said, breathless and mouthing wetly against your neck and still keeping up with the pace. “Like it when I know you feel good.” As if your brain wasn’t scrambled enough already he just had to say something like that and so easily too.
“Me too,” you said in spite of yourself, coming out as a whine. Almost delirious from the constant bouts of the incubus marking up your neck, gasping at the playful bite at your collarbone like he was demanding more from you. “Pretty. Your voice. I like how you sound.”
Haechan soothed the bite with kitten licks, letting out a sound, high and incredulous as if it was squeaked out from him. It was a funny kind of sound and you would have laughed if this situation took a sharp left. “You’re awfully honest tonight,” he noted. “got something to tell me?”
There’s a lazy grin tugging at his lips when he gets pulled by his hair again, akin to a cat getting caught in a place he wasn’t supposed to be at. Not even a grain of guilt could be seen on him as Haechan looked particularly smug. All too knowing of an inside joke you were ignorant to. It pissed you off.
It showed easily on your face as you scowled down at him.
“It’s probably your freaky magic forcing me to be.” Sure you were just as bad as Haechan not finding it in himself to shut up when it truly mattered, but you couldn’t say the same when it came to honesty or vulnerability. There was a faint trace of the citrusy scent you’ve associated with him too, especially when his magic was used. Yeah, that’s got to be it. It’s his magic doing all this brain scrambling thing.
Haechan doesn’t fight you on it, surprisingly, still maintaining that smug exterior despite how much of a hot mess he clearly looked with blown-out pupils and kiss-swollen lips.
“Is that right?”
“Yeah.”
Although It did sound like he was conceding (a rare feat on its own, really since Haechan loved to argue as well. Like he gets a kick out of hearing you go off on a tangent. Almost like it was foreplay to him), you can never be too sure with him, and the next course of action was purely motivated by getting him to stay quiet. Keeping your lips on his did the trick, of course. An occupied mouth promised you absolute silence, save from the noises you managed to pull from him.
Pulling away, you began your descent; open-mouthed kisses mapped around the tantalizing bronze of his neck, something he deeply appreciated if the pleased hum was anything to go by. Hands dragged lower and lower to feel the firm planes of his stomach barred by his smooth shirt, until you were off of his lap and kneeling in between his legs.
And the tent in his shorts looked just as impressive as it felt pressed against you. You didn’t want to assume, but some crazed part of you had occasional ‘what ifs’ centered around his power being a direct reflection of his size.
Was it crazy? Yes. Was it as crazy wanting his cock deep inside your mouth that it could possibly puncture your esophagus? Definitely. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you sure as hell will be milking it for all its worth.
It was always such a treat catching the demon off-guard, preening at the precious sight of a rosy blush coating his cheeks. “What..?” The absolute bewilderment was cute, actually, and you just knew he was going to be even cuter when you reached out, grabbed a hold of his cock and—
“Oh, fuck.” Squeezed.
You leaned in close with your other hand on his thigh and asked, “Can I?” as you batted your eyelashes once, twice and lips pressed against the cockhead strained against the material the third time. Haechan’s own pair of lips parted to let out a soft moan, whether it was from the sensation of you gently trailing your nose up the length of his dick, or just at the mere sight of you doing so, it was rewarding all the same—that Haechan was at your mercy.
“You can do whatever the fuck you want,” he breathed out, clearly trying so hard to keep his composure.
This was it. Morbid curiosity conjured all sorts of images relating to what could be possibly doing a ‘is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?’ rendition. It couldn’t be just a normal looking dick, right? The idea itself was boring and it’s pretty obvious that boring wasn’t exactly exclusive to the demon. He was anything but boring. Well, you were about to find out anyway and with an encouraging nod from Haechan, your fingers hooked on the waistband and pulled to reveal—
“Why are you glaring at my dick like that?”
You blinked, glancing from the supposed monster that almost took your eye out from how it sprung out of its confines and slapped against his smooth stomach, to a frowning Haechan, clearly taken aback by your reaction.
“No underwear?”
“Easy access,” you should have expected that his shamelessness knows no bounds. Whore. “Seriously, stop glaring at it, hello? It’s not gonna bite you or anything.”
“I’m not,” you were squinting, leaning in closer and not minding Haechan’s squirming as you carefully assessed the shaft, marveling at its length and girth by giving it another squeeze and watching the precum bead from its head in mild fascination. “Just observing—I don’t know, I was expecting something else and not an actual penis attached to you.”
“An actual—what were you expecting?” He demanded, voice high, incredulous and sounding all too judgmental for your liking. “Something ribbed? Monstrous? Like those Bad Dragon toys? Tell me, are you a monster fucker?”
“Not a monster fucker,” you grumbled and then perked up, peering at him incredulously. “you know about those?”
He scoffed, like he was offended that you didn’t think he was up-to-date with current trends. “I have an iPhone. I use Google like everyone else, dude. Google is amazing.”
“Did you also know that you’re not supposed to call me ‘dude’ before I shove your dick in my mouth, dude? Or did Google not tell you that?” You paused.
God, maybe bickering was some kind of foreplay for him.
“Can you just suck me off, please?” he whined. “I feel like my dick will explode if you don’t. Actually, I’ll even burst into ashes and die.”
“… really?”
“Baby, please.”
“Fine,” you heaved out an exaggerated sigh, not acknowledging the word ‘baby’. “if I have to.”
“You’re the one who got on their knees!” Haechan squawked, “and don’t make it sound like a chore—”
You didn’t let him finish that complaint, quickly taking the sticky head of his cock into your mouth and sucked. Salt and the barest of sweetness hits your tongue just as Haechan choked on his own spit.
“Oh. Oh shit.”
Haechan properly moaned as a hand gripped on your nape when you took him deeper into the slick heat of your mouth, minding your teeth, and pumping what you couldn’t fit for now punched out a groan from him. Loud and guttural—mostly loud. Unabashedly so—that you just had to take a peek to see what he looked like, completely losing himself in the haze of pleasure you brought up on him.
His head had fallen forward, eyes shut and breath turning shallow the more you take in his cock with each bob of your head. This wasn’t exactly your first rodeo, going down on someone, but with the ache you were starting to feel in your jaw, you might as well be inexperienced because of his sheer size. Haechan wasn’t obscenely big to the point it was going to be an impossible fit, though he was definitely the biggest you’ve had in your mouth (about to have in your pussy. Maybe. Hopefully?) so far and somehow, as if letting his spirit possess you, you took this as a challenge.
Your eyes were still on him when you released him with a pop, licking a stripe from his balls up and digging the tip of your tongue into the slit when you reached his tip to gauge his reactions. What made him tense? What was the likely trick to pull every lewd sound from him? What could you do to make him lose all grip on his control and let him take the wheel? It was meant to be a sloppy job, sure, but this wasn't just having Haechan’s pleasure as your priority, it was yours too.
And watching him fall apart just from your hands and mouth alone was doing something for you, something for the dampness you were starting to feel in between your thighs.
You’ve settled on a rhythm that seemed to tick off almost all three from your blowjob checklist. The grip on your nape was tighter and the sounds falling from his lips became all sorts of harmonious. Haechan had such a beautiful voice, a unique tone that would have been such a waste if you hadn’t stepped up to make use of such a gift, and satisfaction curls from within you knowing you were responsible for creating such a wonderful song from having power over a monster.
“Fucking Hell,” Haechan whined, stuttering as your name rolled of his tongue. The hand that wasn’t occupied held onto your jaw, your cheeks caving in beneath his thumb and fingers for a tighter squeeze around his cock and making you moan and gag as drool seeped from the gaps and down his remaining length. “I—I wanna try something. You up for it?”
His hand left your nape, letting you pull away with a sharp intake of breath, eyes wet.
You definitely looked like an absolute wreck right now and yet Haechan stared like you were anything but a mess. It made your skin crawl. It made you feel so seen, but you didn’t really have the strength to push back against whatever ignited behind his eyes.
“What do you want me to do?” Jesus, you sounded so wrecked already.
Haechan looked relieved. “I want you to relax for me,” he said, the same hand that held your jaw now cupped your cheek. “I want you to trust me.”
“Okay.” He hasn’t done anything to make you not trust him so far. “I trust you.”
“Okay,” he repeated and his hand was back on your neck again, nudging you forward until your swollen lips pressed against his frenulum. “Relax.”
The faint citrusy sweetness increased in its intensity, so overpowering that it usually meant that a headache would soon come along, but it never did. Instead, there was a calmness that washed over your feverish skin, seeping into your muscles that unwound all the tension in your body and making you sag forward. While this—whatever this was—was happening, Haechan lazily flicked his wrist to jerk himself off, minding your face before squeezing the base of his dick and moaning softly when catching your eyes.
Strange. Everything felt so floaty. Like there was this sleepy haze encompassing your mind that numbed all your senses and rendering control over your own body next to non-existent, leaving Haechan to do all the work himself; one hand still remaining a heavy presence on the back of your head with the other guiding his cock into your mouth.
“Open up, sweet girl,” then fucked in the entire thing in one swift go.
It was an instant stretch for sure, but you didn’t gag. Not even a bit. It was like that particular reflex had been numbed into nothing as Haechan wasted no time settling on a brutal place, fucking up into your face, blatantly using you—your mouth like a cocksleeve with each rut of his hips becoming rougher after the other.
“Look at you just taking it, fuck.” Haechan groaned, pleasure just as visible on his face. From the faraway look in his eyes to his slackened jaw, freely letting him run his mouth. “You talk too much, y’know that? Always bitching about something and all I could think of was shutting you up with my cock.” He hissed. “Now look at you. So fucking pliant. Knew you were gonna be so good for me. ‘s like you were just made for it. Made for me.” you couldn’t help but whine as his fingers stroked your cheek full of cock.
It was a tight fit. So tight that it was the only thing you could think about, holding on to one of Haechan’s thighs to keep you anchored amidst the overwhelming fullness in your mouth. How you managed to keep up with the almost frantic thrusts, you had no idea, though it looked like you were faring well with pulling off every trick in the ‘sucking dick’ handbook if he was throwing his head back and gasping when you sucked particularly hard on the upstroke.
The sight was something else entirely. Pornographic almost, in a way the front row seat of the demon getting himself off left you squirming, hyper aware of how damp your panties have gotten that it stuck to your skin. All from watching and being used to get his fill.
You were so horny that you could cry.
You staved off your own pleasure to be of service to Haechan and you were just hit with how much you needed to be touched. A whimper broke out from you, garbled and broken when you couldn't even ask him to do something. Anything to make the ache go away.
“I know, darling.” Haechan gritted. You hadn’t even realized your eyes fell shut when they snapped open and met his pinched expression. “Just a little bit more. You can take more, can you? For me? I’m going easy on you for your first time. You should be thankful I did. Next time, I won’t be so merciful. I want to see you gagging for it. Choking on it. You’d do that for me, won’t you?”
All you could do was hum, nails digging into the meat of his thigh when he pressed your head forward until your nose digs into the nearly trimmed hair surrounding his groin. Still, you didn’t gag, but swallowed, still numb and the weight on your tongue was pleasant if anything. Your mouth felt so full and the pronounced ache in your jaw had tears brimming along the edges of your eyes.
You didn’t think you could wait that long, not when it clicked that you had both hands free. You made quick work of sliding your one hand down and into your panties, legs parting wide enough just as Haechan resumed his roughness. Your body burned hotter than ever, cheeks being the warmest, exponentially embarrassed by touching yourself in front of Haechan, whether he was aware or not.
It was quite the arduous task too, especially with the effects you were starting to feel when you remembered the tangy scent was there for a reason, like something was being taken away from you. This was probably the life force the demon was talking about, seeping through every pore to be taken and consumed until you were fit to do it all over again.
You were beginning to fall into delirium from the onslaught sensations of Haechan incessantly rubbing against the flat your tongue while chasing your own release by the quick work of your fingers along your clit. Delirious to a point where you felt things that weren’t even there, winding around your thighs and waist. You had thought it was the demon’s arrow-headed tail that somehow lengthened, but when you checked, it remained wrapped around your wrist, the one laid across his thigh.
The discovery wasn’t exactly alarming. Kind of weird, sure, like the many oddities of Haechan, but you just chalked it up as his magic keeping you in place. Invisible ropes coiling and uncoiling around your legs as their way to caress your skin, grounding you, and acting like they were an extension of him and his subconscious. Almost like they were t—
“Fuck. fuck,” Haechan whined, following up with a, “gonna come—gonna come!” with his grip growing tighter and tighter. You were close too. On the brink of it, admittedly, and that was from being so wound up, simply watching that you were kind of surprised you hadn’t cum all over your fingers the very moment they slipped in between your folds.
On a surprising act of chivalry, Haechan did try to pull out from being buried in your mouth in what felt like hours of being reduced as some hole he’d get to use, though the moment he warned you again, you silenced him with a tearful glare and sank until your nose crushed into his pubic bone again, all the while holding onto the hand that never seemed to leave the back of your neck just to prove a point.
Blunt nails dug into the skin of your nape as Haechan shoots thick streaks of his cum down your throat with a choked off groan just as you moaned around his length, falling apart just shortly behind. Thighs shaking in exertion from kneeling and the orgasm that jolted through your veins that, in return, dissipated the fog of the spell? Magic? that acted as a numbing agent for your throat. It was then that you gagged. Almost violently as the sound wasn’t at all pretty, nor sexy, given the current setup.
You were fine though, albeit teary and out of breath as you took Haechan’s thick cum like a champ, swallowing every single, tartly sweet drop with the cockhead pressing at your soft palate. Once he slumped against the couch did you then pull him out of your mouth, sliding your tongue back-and-forth at the underside of his cock to tease and bring him to the beginnings of oversensitivity.
Haechan could only whine, lazily trying to pull you away, to no avail.
You let up, snickering at the withering glare he gave you.
Out of everything you tried, this was probably your favorite way of shutting him up. Granted, Haechan was mostly the benefactor from getting his dick sucked, it was loads better hearing an artful mix of his moans and whines than him actively trying to make himself out as the insufferable villain in your story with words alone.
“You’re a peach, Y/N,” Haechan said after gathering the much needed oxygen back in his lungs. “The sweetest peach. I could eat you up. C’mere.” You damn well hope he won't. Being eaten is like the worst way to die, even if you knew it was a little jokey-joke he’d often tell just to see you squirm “Let’s take care of you.”
Oh.
Oh. Right.
“It’s fine,” you waved him and the offer off. “I—um, finished.” You cringed. What are you? A wench from the Victorian period?
Haechan looked so incredulous for a man who just got his soul sucked out through his dick. “You did? Show me.”
Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself, sitting a little straighter and pulled your hand out from your panties. The evidence was quite clear too, coming in the form of glistening fingers that Haechan immediately noticed and before you could even blink, he had you on his lap once again to stick his tongue into your mouth. One hand around your throat, not necessarily choking you, and the other sneaking underneath your top to squeeze your tit.
“Think you can ride me?” Haechan asked in between the rushed push and pull of your lips. “All this just from sucking me off? I could just slide right in no problem,” his fingers slid into your underwear, warm fingers dragging over your clit and shallowly dipping into your hole as he said this. “Fuck, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you? You have no idea how much I wanted to fuck you since you first walked into the bedroom. You want that, don’t you? Say yes.”
Burying his fingers deeper into your wet heat, you keened, pressing both your foreheads together. “Yes.”
Haechan’s smile was absolutely degenerate.
“Good girl.”
Just then, the front door slammed open.
The surprised scream that left you was next to ungodly as your arms flew around the incubus’ neck as his fingers pulled out from your panties—
“Honey, I’m home!”
And in walked a man you had never seen in your entire life, apparently ripped all to Hell because of fucking course the first thing you’d pay attention to was his tits. Visible even under the shirt that was meant to be oversized with the sleeves falling past his elbows, and sadly, you were no better than a man. His pecs looked insane and in your defense, they looked at you first!
“Oh. Oh, was I interrupting something?”
“Yes. Fuck off.” Haechan hissed just as you exclaimed, “who the fuck are you?”
The stranger completely skimmed past the demon, more interested in your presence.. “Now aren’t you a catty little one,” at this, Haechan pulled you closer which was followed by a soft laugh. “How cute—and my eyes are up here, sweetheart. Can’t blame you for staring, though.”
Chastised by the call-out, your eyes immediately flicked up to meet—Oh. Damn.
A glossy pair of lips parted to show two rows of perfect teeth. Far too many teeth that you thought were impossible for a human to have, but that didn’t erase the vital fact that this random dude was handsome. So, so handsome to the point your brain was struggling to comprehend that this man was real. Soft and sharp sculpted with such precision it’s as if he was crafted by the gods themselves. A full head of silver hair, one side artfully pushed back to show strong eyebrows and round sparkling eyes, staring right at you.
“Is she another one of your humans you fuck to survive?”
Well, handsome in a way it was better for him not to talk. You know, to keep up the illusion.
Haechan tongued at his cheek. “What are you doing here, Jaemin?”
“Ah, right.” Jaemin casually strolled further in like he owned the place, the front closing by itself with a wave of his hand. Wait— “Lilith has been bothering Satan who has been bothering me to ask you when you’ll visit home.” Jaemin explained, then followed up with, “when do you plan on coming back home? I think more than five decades of complete radio silence is a bit much even for you, Haechanie.”
Oh great. As if one wasn’t already enough, another demon—by the damning sign of Lilith and Satan and Hell being mentioned—was under your roof.
You felt Haechan go rigid under you and you turned to him, confused at the sight of him slightly panicked. You had never seen him this panicked. “Um, never, actually!”
“I beg your pardon?”
“It’s stated in Hell’s handbook,” It’s a real thing? “that I can’t leave the mortal plane when I’m tied down.”
Tied down? Did he mean the sigil somewhere in the apartment?
“Right,” Jaemin drawled, a thick and strong eyebrow arching in question with a fleeting glance towards you. “okay, so where is her mark then?”
“Here!”
Searing pain immediately bloomed on the inside of your wrist as soon as Haechan took hold of it, making you gasp as you watched delicately curled lines take shape into the sun. A small, inky thing the size of a coin branded on what was once the smooth plane of your wrist. Haechan’s sigil was now a permanent part of you too, a pretty little thing if you only knew what it meant.
“Well,” Jaemin coughed, glancing between you and the incubus. “Congratulations. Haechan is now yours, as you are his. You’re now bound to each other until death.”
Never mind. The sigil was positively the ugliest thing to be tattooed on your body.
Haechan was already looking up at you, terrified.
“I can explain—”
“I’m going to fucking kill you, demon.”
“Haha… is that plain water in that spray bottle, or is it actually holy water?” Haechan asked, his placating smile waning as each second of you not answering passed. “Please tell me it’s just water.”
Haechan shrieked, falling to his knees and arms coming up to block his face when you all but jerked the bottle towards his direction with a sardonic smile.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
It took you three full days to forgive him. After getting on his knees to eat you out against the kitchen counter, of course.
“I’m not against tattoos or anything, but,” you took a quick moment to observe the mark he left on you with little difficulty in understanding just why this was even a thing. “do you have to mark everyone you sleep with? Is this for you to keep track of them?” The thought then immediately left a bad taste in your mouth. Did this mean that you were simply part of the crowd Haechan would entertain only when he needed to?
“I haven’t been sleeping with anyone else.” Haechan confessed, quiet. “It’s kind of the reason why I’m hungrier than usual.”
“Oh.”
That made a lot of sense actually. Venturing out in search of a willing body was a thing for the first few months of being under the same roof. Haechan would always let you know of his plans for his nightly plans out of politeness that nights alone had become routine as well. Then somewhere along the way, it became a seldom occurrence. Twice a week. Once a week. Once every two weeks until you had realized he spent more of his nights with you, but less energized than what you were used to seeing when he was ‘full’.
That still didn’t answer your question though. Why was he keeping himself from taking what he needed to survive?
“Why all this then?”
“This isn’t just binding you to me. It’s more than that,” he muttered, taking your wrist and twisting it upwards to stroke the sun inked into your skin. Tender, as if your wrist was fragile enough to break at the slightest pressure. “And It’s for my own peace of mind.”
IV.
Naturally, it became a regular thing, being bonded to an incubus aside.
Since his choices had downgraded to a singular source, there wasn’t a day where Haechan didn’t have his hands all over you, or in you since it was an unspoken thing that he liked giving as much as he liked receiving and it was treated as simply an extra thing of routine that you started seeking him out on your own accord, too.
Haechan wasn’t picky when it came to a time and place either. He had you laying on the floor once after betting he could make you cum on his tongue more than once (two was enough, but since he was competitive to a fault, he had you begging—had you crying for him to stop after the fourth time). You gave him head in the dingy stairwells of the apartment after a bad day.
In the storage room. In the shower. The supposed off-limits rooftop. On the poor dining table you had to disinfect two times before Yunjin came over with the incubus disguising himself as a stray, black mainecoone cat. You ate on that thing, yet you spread your legs for Haechan to devour you until he was satiated. It was like an unspoken game of who can out-horny the other with little regard to privacy.
On most occasions, it was beneath you to even think of it, but the memory of Haechan holding you down on top of the working dryer and fucking your thighs in the basement slash laundry room, had you thinking otherwise. It was the most fun you’ve had in a while. Arguably your entire life, honestly.
Fucking around with Haechan was good. Great. Perfect even that all you could do was want him in every possible way you could think of. With every kiss, every touch accompanied by wicked promises breathed into your skin, Heaven was brought to you each and every time Haechan took you into his arms, having a piece of salvation for himself.
It should have been enough, oscillating between having his dick in your mouth and/or hands, or Haechan lapping at the aching center of your thighs until they quivered, or both at the same time. The classic ‘69’. (which almost always turned into a competition on who could make who cum first).
Yet greed had gradually reared its ugly head the longer you listened to your closest friends’ sexcapades that extended beyond heavy-petting and oral, because Haechan never dared to push further. The irony of a creature literally embodying temptation, yet never allowed himself to be tempted by a willing body was almost laughable, if greed and impatience hadn’t put together a simple, yet straightforward question.
“Why haven’t we had actual sex yet?”
The knife slipped from Haechan’s hand. A bloody disaster if magic hadn’t been an inherent part of the incubus’ origins. It paused in mid air before it could even reach the ground and levitated back into his hand.
“Can we talk about my day?” This was the fastest you’ve seen his face go from neutral to exasperated.
“You barely leave our apartment, what is there to talk about?” you pointed out. “and this is serious! Are you, like, trying to abstain? What’s the vegan alternative of taking my life force without actual penetration? Porn?”
Dead eyes stared right at you. “You’re not funny,” Haechan said, “and if I was abstaining, I wouldn’t have let you sit on my face last night.” Okay, fair point.
“Then what gives?” You groaned, acting as his shadow as he moved about the kitchen. “We’ve done everything but stick your ‘monster’—“ (Haechan’s eyebrows pinched together. “Why is monster in air quotations.”) “—cock inside me. Am I—” you paused, dread creeping up your system for a plausible reason why you aren’t getting dicked down like you deserved. “Am I not sexy enough?”
That startled a laugh out of him, the previous, bordering on dour front fading completely for his sunny smile to take its rightful place on his lips. “You’re plenty sexy, and cute too, apparently. C’mere.” It was almost easy walking yourself into his space, sighing as his warm palms rested on your hips. “Kinda miss when you were meaner. Did I successfully sucked the attitude out of you?”
“Oho. Didn’t realize I was getting a free show.”
You stiffened at the sound of the awfully familiar voice belonging to the current bane of existence and spun on your heel to find Jaemin on the couch, Switch joy-cons in hand.
The mortification of him listening to you essentially whining at the lack of penis-in-vagina action didn’t even get the chance to settle in when you were more annoyed at Jaemin seeking refuge in your home. Again.
“Don’t you have any other supernatural friends to annoy?”
Jaemin, totally unbothered by the visceral reaction, only gave you a sharp smile, like a shark getting a whiff of fresh blood, that raised all sorts of alarm bells. Terrifying thing, Jaemin. “Hey, sweetheart,” how he made a greeting sound so condescending, you didn’t know. Maybe it was a Jaemin thing. “You’re home early. How’s school?”
He looked to be in the middle of another session of rotting his brain by playing Animal Crossing, a mint green bunny speaking to him—his in-game character—in aegyofied gibberish. It was like looking at two Jaemins the more you scrutinize them side-by-side. One less demonic than the other, but still an uncanny resemblance.
“We don’t take in strays.”
Jaemin barked out a laugh, letting the joy-cons fall into his lap. “That's funny, coming from you.”
“I legally live here.”
“The legality of your living situation is nothing compared to my centuries of knowing Haechan,” Jaemin turned towards said incubus to bat his ridiculously long eyelashes that you held an irrational jealousy for. “right, Haechanie?”
“I hope your human crucifies you, actually.” Haechan quipped. Equal parts unimpressed and disgusted.
Jaemin gasped, eyes widened in disbelief. “That’s so uncalled for!”
“It’s what you get for giving your human rat heads and all the other weird shit as courting gifts.” You wished Haechan was joking, but it was the truth.
The first night Jaemin came in unannounced was the very same night that he, a demon who took care of striking deals with desperate humans in exchange for what they treasured the most—A Dealer, you remembered Jaemin specifying for you—realized that maybe the feelings he was harboring for his assigned human went beyond what was considered platonic. That then created a domino effect of him asking for advice, you giving advice with Haechan’s own input and Jaemin, a man of tradition, somehow fucking up in the process which revolved around his… questionable tastes in gifts.
(Also, don’t cats hunt for small animals to give their humans as ‘gifts’ too? There’s a joke to be made here somewhere. Something about Jaemin disguising himself as a demon while actually being a cryptid. An Eldritch horror in a human skin suit).
“I’m heading out to get some stuff for dinner.” Haechan said. “Talk some sense into him, will you? He gave his human a bracelet made out of teeth.”
“The entire thing is made of teeth?” He nodded, grim. Then you turned to Jaemin who resorted to whistling a tune as if what he did was socially acceptable. “Jaemin!” You scolded, like you birthed him yourself.
“What? It’s either a freshly harvested human skull for her candles or teeth from the dental clinic I work at, take your pick!” Jesus Christ, this was actually worse than talking to YangYang and he says pretty fucked up shit on the regular. And the dental clinic made so much sense, you know, with Jaemin’s wide smile and many, many teeth.
“I’ll see you in a bit okay? We can have some fun when Jaem’s gone.” Haechan winked, placed a quick kiss to your cheek before turning to Jaemin and it was impressive how the softness he had for you hardened into something stern for the other. “And try not to give my human an aneurysm. You’ve done enough damage to yours.”
And then he was gone, like, he disappeared into a puff of hot pink smoke, leaving you to marinate in the warmth of being flustered by the sudden, but not unwelcome act of affection in the middle of the kitchen.
Jaemin appeared either physically ill, or an outrageous alternative for surprise when you made your way towards him. You didn’t know. Pretty as he was, he made the strangest faces sometimes that you sort of pitied the human bound to him.
“What?”
“What the fuck was that?”
“What was what?”
“That—“ Jaemin then did this poor impression of you: an exaggerated demure curl of his lips, his stupidly long eyelashes fluttering so fast you would think he was having a seizure and the most offending of all, a high-pitched, ear-grating giggle that didn’t sound remotely close to yours. You didn’t even giggle! Not even once! “Dick so good you got domesticated.”
You closed your eyes. “Please never say those words ever again.” Or I’ll kill you myself, you wanted to say. Though, he’d probably end up killing you before you could even attempt dumping a bucket of holy water on him. “and I wouldn’t know. I’ve only had him in my mouth. We haven’t gone further than that.”
“… interesting.”
Your eyes snapped open. “You hesitated. What did you mean by that, you fucking cryptid?”
Jaemin only smiled. Knowingly. Menacingly. You hated him so much.
“So!” He clapped his hands together. “Trouble in paradise, Haechan’s human?”
“Oh don’t you even start.” you snapped, falling heavily beside him on the couch. “This is your intervention. Not mine.”
“We can both have our own interventions.” You didn’t really want to. You usually didn’t do the ‘emotions and feelings talk’ with someone who’d forced friendship upon you if you could help it, but beggars can’t be choosers and Jaemin was stubborn.
So, so stubborn. It’s like arguing with a wall, really.
“You’ve got a heart boner for our Haechanie.”
You gave him a long, tired look. “You are so weird.”
And, well, that’s one way to put it. Heart boner, you scoffed. He could have just said that you were, in essence, in the same boat as Jaemin longing for something sweet and long-lasting that wasn’t in the platonic sense. (And sex. Lots of sex).
You couldn’t pin-point the exact day where things had started falling into place. It was a gradual development, you thought. How Haechan’s habits became less annoying and more endearing as time went on. How you sought out his company more than you did your classmates turned friends. How you laughed at almost everything he said or did that you would have given a certain power couple a run for their money, and how you couldn’t even imagine a life without coming home to an incubus who was very insistent in keeping your health in check, even if it was more for his benefit than yours.
The final piece clicked into place when your body gave out, rendering you sick with the flu.
You weren’t exactly sure what you were looking at.
Maybe it was the medication Haechan immediately made you drink once it became glaringly obvious it wasn’t just a simple cold making you see things because there was no way a splitting image of yourself stood by your bed, wearing clothes that belonged to your incubus housemate.
“I’m dead,” you concluded. “I’m dead and my doppelganger is here to collect my soul.”
“No, it’s your super sexy housemate disguised as you.” The wide grin looked so out of place on your face. Almost uncanny valley. You’ve never used that much facial muscle before, and not to mention your voice. Is that what you sounded like to everybody?
“That’s even worse.” you croaked after a disgusting coughing fit.
Haechan—with your face and body—huffed. “It’s either you miss class and fail that big test you’ve got coming up, or I show up to your classes in your place, take notes for you then teach you the material.”
The answer was quite obvious already. If Haechan hadn’t existed, you still would have shown up to class and your tutoring sessions and your part-time job, regardless of being sick. Which was exponentially worse, now that you thought about it. You relayed this to the demon wearing your face, and you have never wilted so quickly underneath his intense glare.
“There’s some congee on the stove for you,” Haechan said when you thought he was satisfied with giving you the most disappointed look known to man. “Make sure you drink your medicine after every six hours and drink more water. No wonder you get headaches so often.”
“You sure it’s not because of you?” You argued. Just because you were sick didn’t mean you lost the will to fight.
“I’m serious. Don’t fight me on it,” and gosh, it wasn’t often he addressed you by your name, preferring to use a small pool of pet names he had reserved just for you, but hearing him say your name and with a tone of finality made you feel things you shouldn’t when down with a flu. Even if it was in your voice… and with your face.
“Take it easy today,” Haechan stressed as he swung your backpack over his shoulder. “And call me if you need anything—anything, and I’ll come running back, or—well, poof back.”
The congee was delicious, probably the best you’ve had in your life and it did help alleviate the symptoms, the ginger soothing your scratchy throat, you felt less congested and not a grain was left in the pot. You spent the entire day lounging on top of the nest of blankets and pillows on the couch, the faint smell of Haechan’s citrusy sweet scent soothing as you drifted in-and-out of sleep, the TV humming lowly in the background.
Haechan came stumbling in the apartment, now looking like himself, devoid of the disguise that creeped you out more than it did impress you and with a hefty looking bag of take-away in hand. He looked a bit ruffled, certainly had a long day when you reminded him of your duties as a tutor, a club member of multiple clubs and as an underpaid employee.
(“Your Google calendar is packed,” Haechan exclaimed, staring down at his phone. “what do you mean you have upcoming networking events? You already have clubs committees. How do you keep up with all this shit and keep a 4.0?”
“And how exactly do you have access to that?”
“... I’m not answering that.”)
Nonetheless, a sweet smile kept its rightful place on his heart-shaped lips, his entire frame perking up when his eyes locked on you.
“So, something interesting happened today,” Haechan started.
In no time, the coffee table was filled with food, both of you sitting on opposite sides. A random series which you did not all care about rolled on quietly behind you as you loaded your bowl with tteokbokki and it was when you stuffed the very first, still hot rice-cake into your mouth did you realize he was talking to you.
“Sorry, wha’?” you said in the midst of chewing, delighted by the sweet and spicy sauce.
“Something interesting happened,” Haechan tried again, snorting softly and reaching forward to thumb at the corner of your lips, then sticking said thumb into his mouth. “You had some sauce.” He shrugged.
“Ah,” you rasped. “So what happened?”
He smiled. A private little thing reserved just for you, and maybe a touch sweeter that made your insides fold in on itself. “What’s with this YangYang guy and his hard-on for your lunches?”
“I see why you and Jaemin are friends,” you said, nose wrinkling at the odd phraseology. “and technically, you made those lunches, so…”
“Ew.” He stuck his tongue out in disgust. “Don’t be gross. As if I want to do anything with that—that imp!”
“Why’d you say it like it’s a slur?” The delivery made it sound like it was. Not to mention he did not, at all, sound very excited at the thought of YangYang possibly meaning something to you. Which was. Understandable. “Is it a slur?”
“No,” he sighed. “He’s an actual imp.”
“What?” Something told you’ve been saying that word way too much. “Huh?” That wasn’t any better.
“You couldn’t tell? The way he smiles is a dead giveaway. His teeth looked sharp. Very touchy with me—well, you, too. Imps are literal menaces to society and would latch onto anyone for friendship. Seriously, how did you survive all this time?”
“You keep forgetting I’m human, demon. I don’t know all this supernatural shit. And why are you so bothered? Jealous that you’re not the only man in my life aside from Jaemin?”
Haechan’s face drew into a careful blank. “Eat your food.”
Satisfied, you shoved two rice-cakes into your mouth.
“I quit your job, by the way.”
You stiffened from where you sat on the counter.
He what? “You what?” Did he forget that you were broke as fuck? “Haechan, I need to work! How the hell are we going to survive?” And by ‘we’ you meant ‘you’ because only one of you needed actual food to survive. The other lived on vibes and sex which, okay, would be ideal in this life.
“I’ll take care of it,” he said. As if it was that simple and he quickly stopped you from furthering the argument with a stern look. “I’m serious. I’ll take care of it. What I need you to do for me is start taking better of yourself. You’re already overworked from school. I’m surprised you still find time to tutor people.”
“Chenle pays very well, so…”
“Well, you can keep milking him of his money then,” from the looks of it, Haechan was fine with the Chinese transferee that followed Renjun (a friend made from YangYang’s insistence) around, and that was saying something since he did spend two hours tutoring the kid who was so loud you were surprised your hearing was miraculously left intact. “And still keep up with your clubs.”
Haechan flicked his hands above the sink right after closing the faucet, finally done with the last of the dishes, drying them with a tea towel before he stood in between your thighs.
“Should I know how you’re going to make this work now that I’m unemployed?” You joked and you knew very well that Haechan somehow paid his dues. You just never cared to ask how he was able to afford half of your combined expenses since you were more relieved by not getting any unwanted notices from Ms. Hong, or any of your service providers.
Haechan’s eyes glowed something along the lines of pensive and an unnamed emotion that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. All you knew was that you felt shy under his gentle scrutiny, his usual piercing gaze softer. That he was softer now that a wry curl of his lips accompanied the tenderness.
“What you should know is that you shouldn’t worry anymore,” he said, a warm hand cradling your jaw as the other rubbed the sun inked onto your wrist. “And that I’m here. I’ll take care of everything, and I’ll take care of you.”
Looking at Haechan right now, it’s like you were seeing him for the first time and suddenly, it all made sense. Maybe he was onto something, when he had said something so simple. That it was easy. Just like how easy all of this was with him. It was as easy as Haechan completing most of a puzzle and leaving you to attach the very last piece, painting a crystal clear picture of pointing out the obvious.
The sky was blue. The Earth rotated on its own axis, and you liked Haechan. Even with his oddities.
“Oh wow,” Jaemin said, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Your face already says enough.”
You scowled. “Says you.”
He shrugged, smiling softly to himself. “If it helps, I think I do know the reason why Haechan is holding himself back.”
“From what?” Was there a dumb rule in Hell’s rule book that Haechan, as a Hellian, wasn't allowed to copulate with a non-Hellian? Because you were halfway from the actual copulation phase of this arrangement and so far, nothing bad had happened. Yet.
“From you, sweetheart, and the last thing he’d want to do is accidentally hurt you.” Jaemin explained. “He marked you, remember?”
“Yes,” fingers absentmindedly ghosted over the sun on your skin. “I do remember.”
“Then that’s all you need to know.”
“Okay now that just sounds ominous,” and you were starting to get tired of the not very subtle implications of possibly getting injured during sex. "That did not help at all."
Jaemin just nodded, vaguely. Didn’t even try to elaborate on it. He’s so annoying.
The two of you lapsed into silence, looking at each other for a brief moment then averting each others’ gaze with a unionized sigh, one heavier than the other, as you contemplated the gravity of the situation.
“So… what do you think about a tooth necklace to go with the bracelet?”
“Why can’t you be normal?”
“What did you and Jaemin talk about?”
You could almost sob from being denied yet another orgasm. Apparently, Haechan wanted to find out if he could make you squirt, which then brought forth the idea of edging you so it could be a two-in-one experience or whatever the fuck. You only agreed because he did promise some fun after Jaemin left and you were obviously going to expect him to deliver.
What you didn’t expect was for him to bring up the so-called ‘girl talk’ (as Jaemin had affectionately put it) after what felt like hours of being brought to the brink of an orgasm and denied over and over again.
“Seriously?” You groaned, lifting your head up so you could glare at the demon peeking innocently between your thighs. Though, nothing was innocent with the way the lower half of his face was drenched in a dubious mix of his spit and your juices.
“You wanna do this right now?” Right when you were so close to leaking all over his fingers? “Just make me cum like you were made for, demon.” you grunted, emphasizing it with your fingers tightening in his hair as you rolled your hips, clit bumping against the tip of his nose.
Naturally, when Haechan was presented with a challenge, he’d make sure he’d win.
“Love it when you’re a little mean.”
The demon grinned something a little mean himself and it wasn’t long before you were crying out his name to the heavens. Some kind of bastardized prayer forced out by three of his deft fingers taking on a rough pace. Fucking into your sopping wet cunt and a mouth made of pure sin alternating between licking and sucking at your clit, all the while shaking his head to go in deeper, to have more of you until something builds.
Familiar heat simmered under your skin, body confused whether you wanted to wrench the demon’s insistent tongue away or keep him pressed against your wet heat to the point of exhausting him and yourself. Haechan made the decision for you though because somehow, it was like you were being held down, the same feeling of invisible velvet ropes coiling snugly around your waist, legs and all the way down to your ankles.
The lower half of your body was under his control, and all you could do was take, take and take until you were seeing white. Eyes rolling to the back of your head as a shaky, high-pitched moan falls from your slackened jaw. Your body went impossibly taught, thighs shaking as something more intense than your previous orgasms crashed onto you like a heavy wave, getting swept along the currents until you were certain you blacked out.
Perhaps just a few seconds of you floating about in limbo, then regaining lucidity at the sensation of Haechan petting your pussy, deeply immersed with his own fingers playing with the irregular spurts of liquid coming out of you. It was gross. It was sloppy. It was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.
“That’s one.” Haechan laughed, breathless and smug and the wicked glint in his gaze was enough to tell you he wasn’t done with you just yet.
“Care to give me more? I’m really hungry.”
This was going to be a long night.
V.
Realistically speaking, this was no one else’s fault but your own.
“I’m gonna be late.”
So fucking late that you could give less fucks of how you looked less put together than you normally were with skipping makeup altogether and putting on clothes that you thought was presentable, yet comfortable enough to get you through the day. Haechan wasn’t even able to get a word in with you rushing around.
Really, it was your fault. You could acknowledge that, yet there were times where you thought blaming your misfortunes on others was the way to go to feel better about yourself. Jaemin in particular, because of course he had to say something (read: make you realize a few things) to inflict a milder version of brain damage. And there was also Haechan, a glorified, overzealous leech who drained a smidge too much of your life force last night.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“Oh, right.”
And maybe you were really out of it, mind not being all too present, nor did you really care to ask what it was exactly you forgot because you decided that the expectancy on the demon’s face and his permanent pouted lips were context clues hinting to something. Sleep-addled brain put two and two together, then your body decided to move first, crossing the short distance between you and the demon and pulling him down by the nape to slot your lips in between his. It was a firm press. Brief, yet sweet and smiling against his mouth was as easy as breathing when Haechan returned the warmth in earnest.
Then, it was like your brain decided to do a factory reset. A quick zap to the frontal lobe where you became more alert than necessary, peering up at Haechan with wide, shaking eyes when you roughly pulled away as if the kiss burnt.
“I was talking about your lunch,” he said after a beat, lifting the Kuromi lunch-bag with a coy smile, like he was biting back the urge to laugh. “but that works too.” He’s teasing you, appearing boyish with an arched eyebrow and you prayed for the floor to open up and swallow you whole.
Oh my fucking God.
“Right! Um—” you cut yourself short with a nervous laugh and numbly reached for it, totally ignoring how his eyes—right now, a close color to the embers from a campfire—were boring holes into you. “Lighter. This feels lighter and—smaller?”
“You catch on quick,” Haechan snorted. “Tell YangYang we’re going through a recession. He can’t share with you anymore if he knows what’s good for him.” Then, his eyes narrowed, still a touch teasing. “Should I be worried that you’re kissing him too?”
Your face was burning at this point.
“I’m leaving.”
You had never run away from a situation so quickly.
Breathing heavily, you slumped against a pillar in the small reception area of the apartment complex, heart racing at an unimaginable speed with the last thing you saw before you ran out of the apartment replaying over and over again: Haechan grinning to himself with his fingertips brushing against his lower lip.
He’s so… He. Is. So. You couldn’t even articulate the mess of emotions currently making your chest feel so tight. So tightly wound up like a watermelon with an obscene amount of rubber bands wrapped around it that if you had stayed longer, chances are you would have exploded into a mess of your feelings, splattered right at Haechan’s feet.
He just had to reciprocate the kiss, as if it was a natural response between people who had no exact label to what this was between them; and you fear that there was no way you’d be able to come back from that. Thinking about coming back home was already giving you cold feet.
Just as you were about to leave the building, your phone vibrated.
haechan 👹: babe? haechan 👹: you forgot your socks and shoes lol
Cold. Your feet were actually cold and looking down, your bare feet greeted you. The lack of two crucial items didn’t even register in your head from being so flustered.
you: . you: omw back haechan 👹: ok ! haechan 👹: do i get another kiss 👉🏼👈🏼 you: haechan. haechan 👹: sorry 🫡
There’s a shit-eating grin on the demon’s face.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
You slammed the door close behind you, feet now protected with the socks and shoes and your heart even less so.
“Um,” Yunjin started the moment she walked into a very peculiar setting of YangYang hovering unsure and awkwardly behind your slumped figure trying to permanently fuse into the table with Renjun seemingly unbothered by all of this, scribbling on his iPad. “What’s up with her?”
YangYang’s eyebrows pinched even further. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” He decided that a gentle approach wasn’t gonna cut it when you were about to keel over before any of them could figure out just why you were craving for the sweet release of death. Which, yeah, he could totally understand, but YangYang was nosy as all Hell before anything else and something like death could wait.
“She’s been like that for the past 10 minutes,” Renjun helpfully supplied before the other only guy in the room could wage psychological warfare. “Whining something about embarrassment, some hot guy in her apartment, feeling inadequate due to the pressure women face in society—“
“Hold on, what?”
“Feeling inadequate due to the—“
“No, dipshit, the one before that.”
“Some hot guy in her—” Renjun cut himself short and turned his head at breakneck speed to gape at you. “Since when were you seeing a guy?”
Yunjin’s face twisted, “you’re into guys?”
“A hot guy,” YangYang emphasized. “How big is his dick?”
“YangYang!” Yunjin hissed, bright orange hair whipping around wildly as she smacked him upside the head right when you answered with a resigned, “felt like I couldn’t breathe once.”
Yunjin looked like she had seen death altogether. “I already hate this conversation.”
Despite herself, Yunjin was all ears as you spilled the whole ‘hot guy’ situation; the dire details of Haechan and him being a century-something-old incubus being covered up by a multitude of lies. The most damning of them all being Haechan was an estranged friend you had recently reconnected with which landed you in the position of housing him for an indefinite amount of time.
And let’s not forget the recent development of you harboring real and scary feelings for a guy that had semi-permanently warmed your bed. In more ways than one.
This was sick and twisted. Haechan was supposed to be just some demon you’d occasionally sexualize, and now it felt wrong to do even that. You wanted to hold his hand. You wanted to wake up to his face everyday, marveling at the constellation of moles that stretched from neck to face forming Ursa Minor. You wanted to kiss him. His lips. His cute button nose. His cheeks—everywhere on his face until it was Haechan whining for you to stop.
(He’d probably let you continue anyway. You whined at the thought).
“Okay, but I don’t see how it’s a problem when you’ve done worse than kissing.”
“I kissed him before I left,” you whispered. “we aren’t even dating.”
“My condolences,” Yunjin said, gently patting your back.
You moaned, burying your face into your arms. “I wished we were dating.” Or whatever the Hellian equivalent was.
“... my condolences.” Yunjin said again, quieter, as Renjun let out the ugliest snort you didn’t think he was capable of producing. You always viewed him as someone with no flaws whatsoever. At least you now knew that he wasn’t that unreachable.
YangYang was a little more dramatic with his reaction, his eyes almost bugging out of their sockets and looking as if you had killed his first born. “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore! I didn’t even know you were seeing someone! What else have you been up to?”
“Well,” you shifted so that it was your cheek resting on your arms to properly talk to the three faces of varying curiosity (read: nosiness). “I’m unemployed now.”
“You quit your job?” YangYang’s eyebrows disappeared underneath his pink fringe. “Why? Aren’t you, like, poor? How’s that gonna work?”
Damn. He wasn’t wrong, but he didn’t need to put it like that.
“I hate being your friend,” Renjun said, on the verge of strangling the guy. “are you socially inept?”
“I mean, I was home schooled until 11th grade, so…”
“Anyways!” you decided to cut in, now sitting up properly to prevent a possible crime scene from happening when you caught Renjun’s eye twitch. “Yes, I quit my job. But I’ll be fine. I—” you also could not say that your expenses were being handled by a demon. “—gained financial support. No, I will not elaborate.”
“Is that the clinical way of saying you got a sugar daddy?”
Technically, yeah. “Please be quiet.”
“No, actually.” YangYang huffed and you tried to make him explode with your mind. “And since you’re, like, jobless now, this means you can party!”
“You barely had any time for us ‘cause of your insane schedule,” Yunjin interjected from the sidelines. “and since once is coming up, it’d be nice to experience our own overachiever throwing back shots.”
You wrinkled your nose. Not that it was a no-no, but when was the last time you went out drinking and/or partying with friends anyway? Drinking became an on-and-off thing with Haechan (Jaemin and his human sometimes joining in) and was the closest thing to a fun night, so you at least kept your tolerance in check. Experiencing Seoul’s nightlife though, you couldn’t say there were plenty of memories, or any that stood out to you.
“Plus, it’s a Halloween costume party!” said YangYang as he sat down beside you. Renjun and Yunjin doing the same across you. “And I know you wouldn’t pass up the opportunity of judging shitty costumes.”
“Not shitty ones. The ones barely putting any effort into making it look like a costume, however...”
“Same difference,” YangYang waved you off. “Drinks are on me if you come. Your boy-toy can tag along if he wants. Maybe seeing you slutting it up in a nurse costume would change his mind and actually put a label on you two.”
Okay, one, you were pretty sure that ‘slutty nurse’ was so last season and has been since the late 2010s, and two—
“Absolutely not.”
YangYang’s extended invitation was straight-up refused, and thus the recurring irony of temptation personified resisting temptation, a.k.a, free drinks.
(Putting a label on it was obviously out of the question).
“And I can pay for our drinks just fine.” Haechan scoffed, pupils flashing a momentary carmine in irritation. If YangYang were here, the ‘sugar daddy’ debacle would no less be the topic of discussion and something that would probably get the demon to soften up. “YangYang can shove his money up his ass.”
Never mind. You can already imagine an incubus and an imp duking it out in a dark alley somewhere. You’ve always wondered who’d win in a fight.
“So you’ll come?”
“No.”
“You’re so boring.”
And he was very adamant with his decision of not tagging along. In the days that led up to the party, Haechan’s answers had been firm variations of ‘no’s’. If you didn’t know any better, you would think the incubus was still jealous of the idea that YangYang, an imp, was friends with you (“he’s attached himself to you,” Haechan grumbled to himself. “I’m dragging him back to Hell myself.” You were way too baffled to even say anything) which then festered into immediate dislike.
“Oh, he’s totally jealous.” said Jaemin. Why you called Jaemin to complain about Haechan was honestly a new low for you, but he’s the one who knew the incubus on a deeper scale besides you, so. You made way more terrible decisions than this. “and petty too, I guess.”
“He literally has no reason to be when I—” you gestured vaguely into the air, “you know…”
“Want him up your guts physically and emotionally?” Jaemin snorted. “yeah I got that.”
“Why do you talk like that—you know what, never mind. Point is, he’s being so unreasonable, and less fuckable the longer this goes on.”
“And you complain about the way I talk,” the demon laughed, “Listen, Haechanie’s—he’s weird about feelings sometimes, I promise. It’s just… the mark. It says everything.”
“What the fuck does that even mean?”
“Ignorance is bliss,” Jaemin said, vaguely, with a charming smile that would usually distract anyone who only knew him on a surface level. You briefly fantasized reaching for him through the phone and strangling him to death. Knowing Jaemin though, he’d probably like it, the freak.
“What—asshole.” Jaemin hung up, FaceTime feed faded with his ridiculous contact image displayed, leaving you to ruminate your whirlwind of thoughts as you fell back onto the sheets.
The sun was almost always spoken with reverence. How its light breathed life into anything it touched. How its warmth was like a kiss from a lover—that sort of thing. Everyday, you wake up to the sun, one less warm than the other and as you lifted up your wrist to scrutinize Haechan’s sigil, its opaqueness against your skin was like facing an insult.
The technicalities of it all were almost headache inducing from how wishy-washy both demons were with it. All you knew was that the sun meant that you were Haechan’s. That was true in every way you could think of, but was he yours in return? You didn’t think he was. Maybe when you were tangled up in the sheets with him, but not when you were your own person anywhere else in apartment 66.
Haechan never did anything beyond imprinting his sigil onto your skin. Sex was just sex. It never went beyond a deeper, emotional scale and you would be lying if you said you were completely content with not having him wholly.
The first thing Haechan did as he burst into your bedroom was to laugh.
“You’re going in that?” he said through his giggles and doing a horrendous job at keeping them back even with a hand over his mouth. “nothing white, silky or lacy will cover the fact that you’ve let a demon corrupt you.”
“Fuck off.” You shot him an irritated look through the full-length mirror. “As if anyone knows I’ve been fucking a demon. An annoying one at that.”
“Ah-ah, angels aren’t supposed to cuss!”
“Get fucked,” you said, bored, and too focused on getting your make up right to pay attention to Haechan essentially eye-fucking you from the doorway. “It’s either this, or I go as a succubus. Turns out, I don’t want to be the very thing I hate.”
Which was, by the way, a total bold-faced lie where you could just tell Haechan wasn’t exactly buying it from the delighted smile he threw your way. Other than that, you looked cuter than if you had somehow settled with a cheap nurse gown. White, silky and lacy. Synonymous to anything inherently ‘angelic’ and something he would have fun in ruining to go with the whole concept of corrupting ‘the pure’.
“We would have matched, then.”
“We would,” you echoed. “But you aren’t even going.”
“I’m not,” he nodded and crossed the room to reach you. “At least I know you’re still coming home to me.”
It’s a mere fact, yet you’d like to think there was something more for you to pick apart. Warm hands perched on your hips and the way he seemed to take your reflection carefully, as if he was committing this dolled-up version of yours to memory with his gaze backlit by a strange amalgamation of emotions that were foreign to you. It wasn’t anything too alarming. If anything, all it did was make your heart skip a beat. A sweet face with eyes so intense you might as well drown in them. How could it not?
“You do live here.” Tilting your head, you gauged your own costume with your mouth drawn into a thin line, steeling yourself before you faced him and took on a coy approach. “Are you sure this is not convincing you enough?”
Haechan hummed.
Well…
If it were up to him, you wouldn’t even make it out of the bedroom, but he did commend your method of persuading him to come. A low chuckle rumbled from within the incubus as he was pushed onto the bed with you climbing on his lap and your lips locked with his. It was more tongue than anything else as Haechan took the reins. Slick, slow, but with purpose like he was speaking through each wet slide of his tongue.
You gently pushed him by the chest, separating with a loud smack and a deep exhale from you, “who’s convincing who again?”
“Me,” Haechan said with no preamble, dragging his lips down from your cheek to your throat. “This is me convincing you—crazy sex with me,” it’s ridiculous to think his proposition was sort of working. A very tempting offer right when his sharp canines teasingly poked at the juncture of your neck and shoulder, making you shudder. It’s what you were asking for, wasn’t it? Now he’s offering it on a silver platter with no hesitation. “or your dumb Halloween party? Take your pick.”
Decision making was the very last thing your mind could do at the moment when Haechan was hell-bent on keeping you where you were, and you weren’t really resisting him because if anything, you were making it a whole lot easier. Fingers tangled in the hair curling at his nape, a leg hooked over his hip, it won’t be long until you give in and spend the long Halloween night with him.
Then the doorbell rang.
“That’s Yunjin,” you mumbled against his lips. “I really gotta go—are you hard from just kissing? Even that’s a new low for you.”
There’s a flush high on Haechan’s cheeks when he reluctantly pulled away with a pinched expression, his mouth smudged with your lipstick and for a moment, the choice of staying weighed heavy with the benefit of painting cherry red marks on his beautiful skin.
“Can you blame me?” Heachan chewed on his lip before he huffed when the doorbell rang again, a petulant pout sitting on his lips. “The silk looks so easy to rip off and it’s an actual crime that you’re leaving me.”
“You are such a dude,” you laughed, a little winded as you pushed him off and rushed towards the mirror to assess the damage. “Ugh, you smudged my lipstick and like, a bit of my face makeup,” you groaned which was immediately replied with a click of a tongue.
“You’re the one who pushed me on the bed, so… hardly my fault.”
Heat crept up your neck, “semantics.”
“It’s really not that hard to admit that you want me. Your actions say enough.”
“Maybe it’s just your mag—”
“It’s not my magic, and it’s not my sigil doing it either.”
Well, that excuse was good while it lasted. You couldn’t think of anything else to say and so you settled with rolling your eyes as your version of raising your white flag as you made work with fixing up yourself, ignoring Haechan’s leering.
“You are actually so bad at being honest,” he complained as he got up and trudged towards you. “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”
You arched an eyebrow, but let him wrap his arms around your waist. “Are you saying I’m just a pretty face?”
“Darling, that’s an entirely different sentence.” He sighed, hooking his chin onto your shoulder as he squeezed. “I didn’t say that. I’m just saying that you can always tell me anything and I mean anything.”
“Anything?” You repeated and he nodded, earnest. “Okay, would you mind distracting Yunjin for a bit? She gets impatient.”
You yelped when Haechan nipped your ear out of nowhere. “Not what I meant,” he grumbled, but did as he was told anyways.
“Hey,” Haechan caught your wrist before you were out of the door, Yunjin waiting outside. “Stay safe, alright?”
“You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d just come, y’know.”
The incubus pulled you back with a snort, “you’re never letting me live that down, huh?”
“Never.” He rolled his eyes, leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “I’ll see you later.”
“Girl, you are beyond saving,” Yunjin giggled as she looped her arm through yours right after you pulled the door close. “C’mon, before you start clawing through your own door.”
Haechan was definitely onto something when he said he was a homebody above anything else.
That’s one of the few things you had in common with the incubus in spite of your busy schedule built around your academics, clubs, committees and your tutoring sessions and coming home to a place that radiated warmth was a great compromise from having, more or less, busy days. Perhaps it was the reason why you felt so attached to apartment 66.
And the one time you had willingly traded comfort for a fun night out was where you found yourself in deep shit.
To be fair, the night started off great. This wasn’t your usual scene as you much preferred something a little more intimate rather than being suffocated by wriggling bodies, but the place was nice; one of the more upscale clubs and you supposed you were getting your time’s worth from YangYang making good on his promise. Free shit was the best shit and in no time, every single one of you drank like everything was water. Even the dubious mix of shots you’d normally avoid were thrown back with little resistance.
At some point in the night, right after you had your fill of dancing with your friends, all of you went your separate ways which you had no idea how that even happened when you had practically stuck yourself to Yunjin.
Now, you were completely alone and maybe you were drunker than you had expected to be, because somehow, the people wearing costumes of the creepy crawly creatures from all sorts of tales and legends looked a little too real for comfort. It’s either these were insanely talented art students dabbling in prosthetics for fun, or the guy that just walked by was actually a troll, since, of course supernaturals wouldn’t shy away from a party that sort of celebrated them and the dead.
(Also, you didn’t think anyone would willingly consider ‘troll’ as a costume choice, but to each their own).
You were buzzing from head to toe, eyelids becoming heavier by the second as your vision started to blur around the edges, the drowsiness slowly creeping in. You’ve always been a sleepy drunk, chatty at times too, but there wasn’t anyone in close proximity that was deserving of your rambling. None of your friends were in sight and the eerie feeling of being watched caused goosebumps to raise on your skin.
And this wasn’t remotely close to what you’ve experienced back home before you were made aware of Haechan. While the incubus you were essentially playing an R-rated version of house with meant no harm, this—whatever this was—felt sinister.
Everywhere you went, the lingering feeling of eyes stayed on your person. A prey being sized up by an apex predator hidden in plain sight and it was so apparent that some sobriety decided to grace you, pushing you to try and call your friends. Try being the keyword here because of-fucking-course none of them had sober enough braincells to pick up a damn phone call. So you did the next best thing: leave.
Everything in you was screaming for you to leave. Do not, under any other circumstances, look back even if this one guy who you bumped into was dressed as some socially acceptable furry. The dog ears were too real to be a headband, not to mention the wagging tail.
Which brings you back in the present: you being in deep shit.
In your defense, you did run out of there like you’ve never had run before. But obviously, you weren’t as fast as you needed to be. A careless miscalculation and now you were trapped—by the very thing you were warned about.
The brick walls dug into the back of your head and your shoulder blades as you let out a hiss, teeth gritting as this monster wrapped its claws around your throat and pushed you further into the jagged wall.
“It’s like you humans have a death wish.”
You were barely a step past the nearest alley from the club when you were roughly dragged into the dank space, mind all over the place with an escape plan barely formed. Actually, you don’t think you can come up with one right now. Or ever.
“I’m a little hungry anyways.”
Okay so maybe you took back the whole ‘not being scared of most things normal people were scared of’ thing because you were, in fact, scared of dying. In an alley of all places. Terror. Sheer, unadulterated terror washed over you like a bucket of ice-cold water. Frozen, unable to do anything but let the claws leave scratches on your skin that you might as well be staring Death right in the face.
Death was a burly man—a head taller than you at most. Death was nothing, yet everything where it was kind of hard to discern just what he was. The alley was dark, but he was darker from the shadows acting like second skin as its inky haze rose and fell, tendrils made of smoke reaching for nothing in particular. The very same thing it would do when Haechan took on this exact form. Then it all clicked.
Death to you was a demon.
The kind you were not at all familiar with. The kind you knew had eyes that glowed with warmth, this one burned with the intent to hurt. Maim. Kill. The one you come home to every day greeted you with a smile just as warm as the sunset that peaked through the curtains he bought, this one grinned like the monsters parents would tell naughty children about, teeth razor sharp that were enough to tell you that he’s meant to use them to rip you apart.
The one you would willingly break yourself apart for breathed life into you. This one was about to take yours and then break you apart by his own hands—by his own claws.
Haechan would never, this monster would and just like Death, it didn't wait for anything and its claws sunk into your side, ripping out a pained scream from your lungs as you struggled fighting back against. The monster only laughed and laughed, and laughed until hot tears streamed down your cheeks from the searing pain.
“That’s right, human,” he cackled. “Scream.”
God, did it hurt. The pain was unimaginable that you couldn’t even think of anything to compare it to and—Oh God. Haechan. How the Hell were you going to explain all this when you’re dead? Knowing him, it’s more than likely he’d avenge you, but how will he when he doesn't even know who had done this to you? It’s not like he could ask Satan for a list of all demons who were out on Halloween night, preying on innocent humans.
You would have laughed right at this moment honestly. Funny that even death could not stop you from thinking of the demon waiting for you at home. Maybe you should have just stayed in with him to save him all the trouble. Maybe this would have been the night where you told him he wasn’t just the incubus you’d call for when you had the extra energy to burn in bed. Maybe this would have been the night where you would confess that you’ve grown to care for him more than you should have.
Your mind called for Haechan. Your heart called for Haechan. Everything in you called for Haechan that you didn’t even realize you were actually calling out for him, much to the monster’s confusion as he stared at the glowing spot on your wrist.
With each second passing, you grew weaker and weaker, yet you still had a stubborn grip on consciousness because 1.) the claws stuck into your side hurt like a fucking bitch that you simply refused to pass out and 2.) If you were going to die, you at least hoped that the universe listened to you one last time and granted you a few extra minutes with Haechan to say your goodbyes.
Then the strangest thing happened.
Call it divine intervention, if you will, because one second, the demon was right in front of you. Tall and menacing and was so close to going in for the jugular where his breath ghosted against your décolleté, then he was toppled over by a blurry mass of smoke the next, like the monster’s burly build was nothing. The biggest ones fall the hardest after all.
It hurt less now. Barely bearable on the pain scale as you sagged against the brick wall, sliding all the way down until you were sitting with a hand pressing tightly against the bleeding wound once you remembered a post online that it would help to buy some time until you were brought to the hospital or something.
The scuffling then caught your attention, followed by curses and shouting in a language you didn’t understand. Though you knew enough to tell that both were angry, Haechan being the angriest you have ever heard him.
“Haechan,” you gasped, taking in the sight with widened eyes of the incubus lowered to a crouch and having the monster in a chokehold.
Both their backs were turned to you and only Haechan had the capacity to peer over his shoulder and there you saw it: pure rage contorting his face with his mouth drawing into an ugly sneer at the state of you. White slowly being stained by the redness of blood just as the shadows rapidly enveloped Haechan’s figure with your attacker struggling to break free from his hold.
“Close your eyes.”
It was demanded by a voice that was not his own, but a myriad of voices of all ranges entangled that left no room for any argument and so you did as he asked. Nothing came after that. A few seconds delay at most before the scuffling against the ground resumed, the same enraged snapping from your attacker as Haechan hissed and fought back with some choice words and expletives you haven't heard of ever.
Haechan spoke again, rage still present in the same unknown language with a level of finality. Almost like a threat and promise molded into one until the monster’s incessant squabbling was put to a stop after a sickening snap, loud even with the Halloween party goers littering the streets at this time of night that it made you flinch, your eyes still remaining closed. You just knew you wouldn’t want to see whatever Haechan did to the thing.
A wet and heavy thump. Followed by an exasperated sound that was somewhat of a mix between a huff and sigh. At the sound of his shoes dragging against the cement, still you kept your eyes shut and it wasn’t until warm hands cradled your damp cheeks did you finally open them.
Even in the dimness of the alley, Haechan still retained that unnatural glow to him. Beautiful, hauntingly so that the splatters of blood across his face did nothing but elevate it all. His eyebrows pinched together in concern as he took your hand that was pressed against the spot where you bled and cursed softly at the gnarly sight.
“Next time, I’m coming with you.” You could hear his voice tremble, but you didn’t comment on it and instead let him gather you up in his arms, minding your side as he pressed his forehead against yours. “Hell, you scared me. I was with Jaemin and out of nowhere, I started feeling anxious. I couldn’t breathe and—and I felt like I was stabbed.”
Your own eyebrows pinched at the information too. Those were everything you felt during that unwanted encounter with that demon that you sure hoped was gone. “How’d you even find me?” You didn’t think he would find you in some gross alley in Gangnam by pure intuition alone.
“This,” Haechan said as the blunt edge of his nail traced the inked sun on your wrist. “My sigil isn’t just for show, y’know. It’s like a warp point. I even heard you calling out to me. You sounded like you were in trouble.”
Well, yes. That was obvious. “I’m just glad I didn’t become, like, a midnight snack. Thanks to the sun acting as an AirTag, basically.” You chuckled, leaning your head against the brick wall. “With extra features.”
Haechan laughed, softly, and leaned in to press his lips to your cheek. “Yeah, basically.”
That at least improved his mood. You weren’t entirely used to the very rare instances where Haechan had to be serious. It was strange to see him like that when you would always leave it up to him, lifting up the mood whenever you thought was necessary. Perhaps you and your near death experience was too much even for him. That maybe he did care for you just as much as you did him and making him laugh was the least you could do.
“Grandma was right.” you joked, cracking a smile just as he assessed the damage. “The city isn’t too safe.”
“It really isn’t, but you have me. You’ll always have me.” and he spoke with so much promise, gaining some distance just enough for him to stare into your eyes, amber trading in for a deep carmine. And it was only right to believe him. “Whenever and wherever, I will be there when you need me.”
“You’re sweet,” you smiled, then winced when reality came crashing with the stinging pain in your side. “but can we get out of here? Do I need to go to the hospital, or can you somehow heal me with your freaky demon magic?”
Haechan then gets this constipated sort of look. “I can’t exactly heal humans. I can only slow down the residual magic that fucker left from spreading and—um…”
“And? Why are you hesitating.” The incubus pursed his lips, eyes straying to the side. “That’s not good. That’s never good. You never hesitate when you talk to me.”
He chewed on his lower lip before answering and you did not like the look on his face. “From a scale of 1-10, how pissed will you be if I tell you that you could die if we don’t get that out of you?”
“A solid 9.5,” you said almost immediately. “Get this shit out of me right now.”
“Right,” the pain dwindled down to something less painful, but still rather uncomfortable as Haechan’s glowing hand pressed against the wound. “Can you try calling Renjun?”
“I tried earlier. Not sure if he’ll pick up now.”
“Damn. How about Chenle?”
“I’m… not actually sure, but I’ll try.” You paused, suspicious. “Why though?”
“You’re not gonna believe this.”
“I can’t fucking believe this,” you moaned in slight discomfort as Haechan set you on the bed. “You’re telling me these two are witches? How do you even know Renjun?”
“I’ve known him since I moved here for college. He supplies me with the weirder shit I need for my potions,” Renjun appeared like he either swallowed something sour, or he actually felt guilty hiding this from you and leaving you all alone. A stark juxtaposition from Chenle, visibly buzzing with excitement. “You didn’t tell me you were sleeping with an incubus.”
“Aw babe,” said incubus cooed. “you talk to your friends about us?”
You grunted, lifting up your top to reveal the still bloody wound. “Now is really not the time."
“It’s a good thing you called right away, or else you’d be fucked to Hell and back,” Chenle chirped and he looked between you and Haechan knowingly in a way that warmed up your cheeks. “Then again, guess you already have been.” He grinned, almost cat-like.
You stared at the ceiling. It’s like everyone around you had no concept of what a verbal filter was. “Are you gonna heal me or not?”
Chenle got a smack on the head for that, whining softly as Renjun retracted his hand. “Sorry about him. He’s my apprentice.” The older witch said, almost resigned and folded both of his sleeves up. “Explains the whole transferee thing. He couldn’t bother to wait—may I?” Renjun gestured to your wound just as he jerked his head for Chenle to do the same.
“Go crazy. I think it’s catching up to me.”
You were starting to slur your words. Not to mention how weak you were starting to feel that you couldn’t even wiggle your limbs. You were burning up and with the panic on Haechan’s face no less, Renjun and Chenle got to work. Both of their hands glowing a bright green with Renjun pressing his fingertips along the tender skin.
“That is not very pleasant,” you said, grimacing at the sensation of tiny needles poking and prodding along your side. “Yeah, no. I think I’m gonna pass out.”
“Sleep,” Haechan stressed, a hand stroking your calf. “You’ll feel less like shit in the morning.”
“Fine. Don’t go anywhere or I’ll kill you.” You mumbled, fading as the magic continued to cleanse you of whatever vile magic that was. Maybe that’s why it kind of hurts. Renjun and Chenle’s combined magic were technically cleaning it out.
Haechan laughed, smiling sweetly. “Wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else.”
Renjun gagged. “Disgusting.”
That was all you needed to hear, and so you slept.
Contrary to popular belief, you were never a morning person. Otherwise, you would have done something about it if you weren’t so fixed with the overloaded schedule you had been following since the start of your college career.
This morning wasn’t safe from your contempt either as last night’s happenings came flooding back into your head. The chase, the attack and somehow getting saved in the nick of time. The panic from narrowly avoiding death from weird demon magic then Renjun and Chenle coming in clutch with sucking that shit out with their own purified magic and healing the stab wounds.
All in all, wild night. Never doing that again unless Haechan tagged along to protect you from the elements (see: hungry-for-humans supernaturals).
Though you supposed the mentioned incubus made this morning a little worth waking up. Your body was almost out of commission from how it aches, but your eyes worked perfectly fine. Maybe a little crusty, but even the eye crust couldn’t block how gorgeous Haechan could be underneath the warm glow of the late morning sun. It was almost unreal, like a dream come to life.
Heachan’s bare back was to you, sun-drenched and moles generously kissing his broad shoulders and down the length of his smooth back as if a past lover had done everything in their power to mark the love they had for him in small and permanent little dots. Though your admiration had to cut itself short when you had caught sight of something that you hadn’t noticed before right as the covers shifted downwards to show more of him.
Just at the top of his boxer briefs sat two dark lines that were at least half a centimeter wide and a couple of inches long—the length of your palm perhaps, sitting on the opposite sides of his spine where you’d think the dimples of his back would have been.
Curious, you reached out, only to be stopped by Haechan catching your wrist.
“Getting handsy with me already?” Haechan inhaled a slow breath before yawning as he stretched and shifted to lie on his back, your wrist still in his hand now resting on the bare skin of his stomach. Smooth and warm with sleep that you unconsciously moved closer, his other hand tracing your spine. “Good morning to you too.” He said with a sleepy smile, eyes curved like crescent moons as he gazed down at you simply watching him—adoring him in his sleepy state.
Words simply could not find their way to you at the moment, so you only managed a hum, rubbing your nose against his skin.
He sighed at the feeling, “what were you doing?”
“Just looking. You have lots of moles. Kinda like constellations,” you mused, which pulled out an amused huff from Haechan, letting go of your wrist for you to wrap an arm around his waist. “There are also these… lines above your ass? Cuts? Scars? What’s that about?”
“This is the least sexiest conversation we’ve had so far.”
“Stop deflecting,” you said, placing a hand on his chest for your chin to rest on, scrutinizing the creeping hesitance on his person. “and tell me what they are.”
It went quiet. Silence filling in the spaces seemed to be a frequent thing now as you watched Haechan process everything that had transpired within the last five minutes with his face. Thoughts easily floating up to the surface by each pinch of his eyebrows, or twitch of his lips and then settling with a conceding sigh, peering down at you with little hesitance that soon crumbled into nothing when he was met by your own resilience.
“Up for a little bit of show and tell?”
That was going to be a bit one-sided. You had nothing to show. Nothing unique in that regard, that is, as you were, in every sense of the word, human. Painfully human. Comparing yourself with the likes of Haechan who had been part of countless tales told throughout centuries was like pitting a diamond (Haechan) against a sheet of metal (you). Like, yeah, both had their own uses, but diamonds were on a higher, more exclusive pedestal and out of reach.
And Haechan was just that to you. Out of reach, and yet somehow, he had no qualms on closing the distance himself. As if it was natural for him to be this close to the point of considering the idea that you are simply the extensions of each other.
At the very least, you were right in assuming ‘show and tell in the bedroom’ was a one-sided thing. You were also right that Haechan would take this whole thing in stride; being the sole presenter for this morning’s shenanigans involving the very reason why he wouldn’t fuck you until you were a moaning, whimpering and crying mess. A miracle, really, that you’ve managed to survive the unwanted ‘Only Oral October’ challenge the incubus had going on.
Golden skin stretched miles over Haechan’s lithe and slim figure. Moles and freckles carelessly, yet artfully speckled along the expanse of sunshine while you laid on your back—manhandled to do so—simply admiring the incubus sitting on his haunches between the spread of your thighs without the faintest clue of what there was to show. You were already aware of the horns sprouting from his head and the arrowhead tail languidly swishing behind him. What else was there?
“What are you showing me exactly?”
“Just… wait.” his lips pressed together into a thin line. “I’m mentally preparing myself for this one.”
Okay, that was very ominous, much like how Jaemin tip-toed around the conversation pertaining to Haechan’s prior incapability of sticking his dick into your hole and you were kind of getting antsy with the way he was dragging this out, gatekeeping his everything from you.
You ended up pouting and Haechan, who usually would fold at the sight of it, only narrowed his eyes. “Isn’t that supposed to be me? You look like you’re trying to take a shit.”
Haechan sputtered, “am not! You’re so annoying.”
“What can I say? To be fucked, is to be changed.”
“I don’t think that’s how the saying goes,” he shook his head, face settling into absolute seriousness. “You sure about this?”
A click of your tongue. “Don’t make me beg.”
There’s an odd shine to his eyes, but it was gone the moment Haechan straightened his back as he stayed quiet. It was faint, but the hissing sound gradually grew louder just as a cloud of smoke materialized somewhere behind him. The smoke grew considerably darker and darker until it was the same inky black you’ve grown accustomed to whenever Haechan donned it as second skin, gradually becoming corporeal as it took on the shape—multiple shapes of something long, dark as the night sky with a sheen to them as they elongated above Haechan’s head. Writhing and curling in different lengths and girths merely floating about, as if they were waiting for the incubus’ instructions.
Though one of them seemed to have a mind of its own, Haechan appeared to be aware of it, the very picture of exasperation as it wriggled closer to you.
“Oh that feels weird,” you mumbled in wonder, watching a tendril, as thick as two of your fingers combined, wound around your wrist, palm and a finger. The feel of it was strange. Warm, velvety smooth and it was slicked with a viscosity foreign to you, but it made the glide easier against your skin all the same. “What are you exactly?”
Haechan easily chuckled at the question. Probably a frequent subject among his previous conquests. “A nightmare come to life? I don’t think you’ll like me as much for what I truly am under all of this. While this human form gets the much needed attention, it’s also a good distraction from all this too,” he said, gesturing to the rest of the ghostly limbs inching toward you.
You hummed, agreeing with the attention part, and particularly feeling a little honest, “you're a beautiful nightmare, I can give you that,” and you can’t help but laugh at his preening. He knew he was gorgeous in every sense of it, but this was Haechan and you know of him to be a bit of a whore for attention. “As a distraction? I don’t think your face can distract me from these,” and it was then did the tendrils of smoke found purchase around your limbs.
“It’s just like being surrounded by more of you and—oh.” You stuttered to a stop when another particularly handsy tentacle slithered under your shirt, winding around the fullness of your right breast and pulling a sharp gasp when the slick tip rubbed and flicked at the hardened bud. “Fuck. That’s still so fucking weird. You aren’t even doing anything but—” the thought was cut off by a whine of your own and another one joined the fray, giving your other tit the same treatment just as Haechan bunched up your shirt to reveal the smooth skin being tainted by darkness underneath. “Do they—do they have a mind of their own?”
It took Haechan a beat too long to answer, visibly taken by his extra limbs exploring your bare torso. “Sometimes. But I’m in full control now.”
Right on cue, the tendrils creeped up your thighs like climbing plants with the goal to cover everything in sight, only these acted more as sentient ropes that spread your legs wider to accommodate the incubus. This was a position you were accustomed to as Haechan did try to have you as frequent as you’d let him, yet you couldn’t help but feel shy. Embarrassed at the fact that there wasn't much for you to do in lessening the exposure with the tentacles keeping your legs in place, and you weren’t even stripped down to your barest.
With the way Haechan’s heated gaze raked the length of your body spread across the sheets, you could just tell his own imagination ran the wildest it could be, what with his eyes essentially devouring you. Haechan then leaned forward, close enough that you could feel his breath hot on your lips, as the rest of the smoky tendrils followed and attached themselves to your arms resting on either side of your head.
With how they wound tighter around your forearms, you had a faint idea on what was to come. And it wasn’t like you were against relinquishing all control for Haechan to take over, to do what he pleased. Nonetheless, the thought still had your heart rate picking up. This was new and you were starting to think that maybe you bit off more than you could chew with the subtle insistence of wanting Haechan to fuck you hard enough that you’d cry.
You just didn’t think tentacles would be involved. An unlikely variable you never would have guessed to be the center of the demon’s reluctance. No wonder he was wishy-washy with his reasons, they looked like something out of an all-consuming nightmare that most people would have been put off by. A beautiful one if it included their host.
As if sensing your troubles—his sigil’s doing, definitely—a warm palm cradled your jaw as Haechan dipped down for a sweet kiss to soothe you.
“I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with,” he reassured, pulling back. “just think of them as extra pairs of arms holding you down.”
“Well, more of you to get used to, then,” you said with a wry smile and finding a little bit of comfort when he puts more of his weight onto you for another kiss, mumbling, “I can take it.”
And so you did.
One, that is. Baby steps, as Haechan put it as one fucked in and out of your cunt in place of his fingers. The feeling was an odd mix of familiar and strange. Familiar as it did the job of pistoning in and out of you like those machines in porn (not that you had any experience besides the demon’s long and knobby fingers doing basically the exact same thing). Strange because it wasn’t what a dildo nor an actual cock would feel like, but fuck if it didn’t feel good. Mind-blowingly so. The considerable length reached places you nor Haechan’s fingers couldn’t within their limits, proved by the guttural groan punched out of you when the tip had accidentally bumped against your cervix.
But even you could run out of patience. This was literally just an elevated version of what you and Haechan had been doing. Time and time again, it was all basically foreplay and you’ve had enough.
This time, you wanted the real thing.
You wanted to be split on Haechan’s cock that hung heavily in between the mouthwatering honey thighs if it’s the last thing you’ll ever have.
“Want you,” you managed to get out between the stray moans and whimpers that fell from your parted lips.
“Hm?” If you were any less than horny, the wicked grin he had would have been smacked off. “But you do have me, see?” He cooed, thumb stopping from rubbing circles on your clit for his fingers wriggling in to join alongside the thin tentacle making work of your pussy. “Are you saying this isn’t enough?”
You shook your head, almost frantic as one of your arms struggled to break free from the tendrils. “Want this,” you stressed, reaching for his dick. The head was almost a deep angry purple from how hard he was and it was beyond you how his self-control lasted this long. Did he even feel pleasure when the extra limb was doing all the work? “Want you.”
“Say that again?” He egged on further, like it wasn’t obvious that he was just as desperate. You knew him enough to see right through the facade he puts up. “You want what, sweet girl?”
“Want you. Want you to fuck your cock in me. Please.”
“You say the sweetest things, human. It’s adorable,” He cooed. “and it’s just right that I give you everything you ask,” and Haechan sealed his promise with a filthy kiss. Harsh and wet that you were certain a mix of your spit drooled down your chin, only for him to lap it up with his tongue and make a mess of your mouth again.
“No more foreplay,” you said as you somehow managed to keep him from sticking his tongue down your throat again. “Seriously, that’s all we’ve been doing before. I can take it.”
And just like the very night things had escalated in the sexual sense, Haechan inclined his head and smiled.
“That night, I said that I wanted you to ride me.”
The nights of all nights. How could you forget? It had imprinted a very clear image into the seams of your brain that you’d occasionally daydream about the various possible outcomes if you hadn’t been rudely interrupted.
“Think you can do that for me now?”
Everything went by so fast that you weren’t given the chance to take a breath. In a blink of an eye, Haechan had both of your clothes removed and traded places with you by the guidance of the pitch black tendrils and the ones winding up the length of your arms loosened to let you bend forward and capture his lips just because. It always felt nice to kiss him, and you wouldn’t shy away from cashing one in at a crucial time to give yourself a little more time to brace yourself.
It took the both of you to get to the real thing. A team effort with you reaching in between your legs to align his cock to your center while Haechan and co. kept you steady with his hands clutching at your waist so tight that you were sure was going to leave finger-shaped bruises to fade over time. Quickly, if and if the demon kept his hands from wandering to the tender spots, but you could worry about that next time when there are more pressing matters at hand.
The sound Haechan made was almost inhuman just as a gasp flew past your mouth the second the glossy thick head of his cock breached your pussy. Inch by inch, you took him in as carefully as you could as it was an uncomfortable stretch for sure, given the experience you had gagging on it one too many times. Most of them being on pure impatience on your part and you weren’t going to risk a possible injury tonight. But just as the many times before, pleasure gradually overtook the discomfort.
“Oh my God,” you moaned, a high sound as you threw your head back. Nails digging into the meat of Haechan’s pecs as you rocked yourself to suck him in impossibly deeper, almost to the point of carving his shape into you and ruining yourself for any other man.
(You already did anyway. Developing real scary feelings for a literal Hell spawn).
“Oh, you’re into that?” Haechan quipped, hissing when you squeezed around him for his cheek. “I can be for you. How many times have you gotten on your knees for me again?”
Did he really have to antagonize you when you were milking him for what he’s worth? “Clearly not enough if you’re still talking.”
Haechan soon lost all sense of eloquence that should have been fit for a century-something-old demon once settling on a pace where the most you would get from was an incoherent sentence or two that you were sure were meant to be praises. Though you figured the pretty picture Haechan painted himself with the pleasure filled contort of his face was enough to say that you were doing something right. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be right behind him feeling blissed out yourself.
It was everything you could ask for really. The delicious girth of his cock stretching your cunt, rubbing against the sweet spots of your gummy walls had you sobbing his name when he would meet your movements in the middle. Skin slapping against skin leaving a mild tingling sensation from each bounce.
The heady pleasure only increased from there as the same pair of tendrils that toyed with your breasts resumed with their earlier ministrations of squeezing their fullness and flicking your nipples. A sneaky one, thinnest of them all had joined in on the fun too. Wrapping around Haechan’s dick like a coil and it wasn’t until you felt the ridges from your descent on his length did you even realize what had happened. Either way, it still felt good and soon enough, something warm simmered beneath your navel.
“Ah—Haechan,” you gasped, your movements becoming more frantic each time the combination of him and the tendril rubbed against your sweet spot. “I think… close,” you slurred, losing all strength as you fell forward, almost breaking your nose on his collarbone if it weren't for the tendrils keeping their steady hold around you. “Can’t,” it came out as a whine breathed against Haechan’s burning skin. “Please.”
That might have just triggered something in him, a visceral reaction of the demon growling—a sound that definitely wasn’t possible for a human to make—as his presence became so imposing, smothering you to the point that all of your senses were filled to the brim by everything Haechan. He wrestled you onto your back as if you were nothing more than a ragdoll with the back of your knees hooked onto his sturdy shoulders and in no time, you were effectively brought to tears by the brutal pistoning of his hips.
You were steadily growing overwhelmed by the onslaught of sensations that ignited a simmering fire that spread underneath your skin. Mouth curling around each syllable of the demon’s name as you wailed with your back bowing against the bed when Haechan angled his hips, punching out a loud cry, bordering on a scream.
“Shh,” Haechan cooed as his thumb pressed onto your lower teeth to pry your mouth open, eyes wild and a wicked grin plastered on his face at the incoherent state that you were in. “You’re so loud. Our walls aren’t exactly soundproof, baby. I think I’m gonna have to shut you up if you can’t do it yourself.”
How? Was what you were going to ask if his thumb wasn’t pressing down onto your tongue, drool pooling in your mouth in almost an instant. Something else prodded against your lower lip and as you looked down the same two-fingered thick tendril slid into your mouth to replace his thumb, Haechan delighted as you moaned around the slick appendage shallowly thrusting in and out past your swollen lips.
You felt so full. Both your mouth and your cunt stuffed full that you thought it was a little fucked that you were enjoying the one rubbing against the flat of your tongue. The mysterious slick that coated it was surprisingly sweet, alomst candy-like and matching the citrusy sweet scent lingering around you 24/7.
You’ve never felt so fucked out ever in your life. This couldn’t even be compared to the past rounds of sex you’ve had with humans. This was an entirely different league on it’s own and fucking Hell, you were officially ruined. You just knew you wouldn’t be able to feel the same level of satisfaction from a human anymore, not when Haechan was capable of stimulating you in multiple ways by his own volition. For a brief moment, you couldn’t help but feel a little envious of the people who had had him like this.
It was all so good. Too good, yet so overwhelming in every way and it wasn’t long before you wailed to completion, body seizing up as your vision whitened and leaving Haechan to chase his own release.
“You weren’t lying when you said you could take it,” Haechan chuckled, sounding breathless as his hand pressed down onto your navel to punch out a groan from you. “I’m so sorry for taking so long.” He soothed just as your mouth was freed so he could kiss you in apology.
He stayed that way. Close, ever so close that you were essentially breathing into each other’s mouths as Haechan’s thrusts grew frantic, almost animalistic until he pressed so tightly against your skin to spill thick ribbons of his cum into you, filling you up the brim that it leaked out even through the tight fit of his cock, wincing at the mess your sheets would soon be subjected to.
For a while, the only sounds that filled the bedroom were you both catching your breaths in sync, yours more labored while Haechan was more controlled.
“How are you feeling?” He asked quietly moments later when he thought you had come down from the floaty headspace you were in. “Wasn’t too much?”
“Perfect,” you sighed, tucking yourself closer into him. “Just perfect.”
“Donghyuck.”
“Hm?”
Haechan’s magic had once again proved to be a useful asset in this home. It didn’t take that much time for both of you to recuperate from being fucked within an inch of your life, though he stuck to more traditional methods when it came to taking care of you. The sheets were decidedly changed with his magic, while he took it upon himself to clean both of you up with a hot shower where you might have fallen asleep once or twice on your feet.
It was a few minutes after noon. Lunch was had and you were sprawled across the couch where you had been made into a human cushion by Haechan, laying on top of him and simply basking in the stillness of the apartment until he spoke.
“Donghyuck was my name as a human.” He said, tilting his head with a smile void of anything that made him devious in nature. Something warm and sweet and reserved just for you. “Before becoming this. There’s this saying that knowing a demon’s name gives you power over it and I—I marked you. Made you mine without asking first and I think it’s fair that I give you my name. Give you me in return.”
That gave you a start, stiffening as you stared at him with owlish eyes and not quite believing the possible implications.
“Does that mean—”
“I am yours, as much as you are mine,” he said, warm palms holding your cheeks as he sat up to meet you in the middle. “As long as you want me to be.”
There was much more left to be said, certainly, but the way Haechan—Donghyuck kissed you so deeply as if you were his only life-line, pouring every thought and possible feelings that paralleled yours into each swipe of his tongue was enough. You had all the time in the world with him, an actual talk could wait.
For now, as you let yourself be wrapped into his embrace, this was enough.

Special thanks to Aria, Moon and Aeriel for putting up with my ramblings about this fic and sharing their ideas! You have no idea how much of help u have been and I’m very thankful for you guys letting me talk my shit 🫶🏼💖 and thank you for reaching the end of this fic! Especially to the ones who asked to be on the taglist! I know it was a longer wait than expected so I really do hope it was worth it 💖
TAGLIST: @jaylaxies @hoondrop @ajayke-reads @justalildumpling @dammit-jjk @maiisweet @jenodreamer @hancafe @gyulfriend @pleasetellmenow @cutiepeas @jaehyunpeachyy @alethea-moon @ohmyhuenings @sexygrass @favjake @02mrk @seulkikiii @notevenheretbh1 @rum-gone-why @minkyuncutie @crzns @saythenameseventeen178 @nae-vm @90s-belladonna @hismine @learnthisfeeling @taerifin @viciousdarlings @strawbabyz @novawon @surrealxox @xenkimmie @lanadreamie
#I… have nothing to say actually except that this was a little out of my comfort-zone LMAO hope this finds the right audience 🫡#lee donghyuck x reader#lee donghyuck one shot#lee donghyuck fluff#lee donghyuck smut#haechan x reader#haechan one shot#haechan fluff#haechan smut#nct dream x reader#nct dream one shot#nct dream fluff#nct dream smut#nct x reader#nct fluff#nct one shot#nct smut#nics: fics
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a neurodivergent breakdown of the 3D and 4D for manifesting + shifting
key: 3D — the physical world, what you experience in your current reality, intrusive thoughts, emotions ; 4D — imagination, visualization / affirmation for manifestations and desired realities, intentional thoughts, beliefs
table of contents — brief explanation of 3D and 4D – living in the 4D – on belief (and believing even when you don't believe) – decentring the 3D – participating in the 3D
for the longest time, I couldn't grasp how to participate in the 3D without feeling as though I was invalidating or preventing my manifestations. I'm not gonna lie, this was most likely my autism skewing my view.
I naturally have a very black-and-white, rigid way of thinking. many neurodivergent people do, and if you're one of us, or maybe you need a little confirmation that what you're doing is right, stick around for an easy (or easier?) to grasp explanation.
brief explanation of the 3D and 4D
the 3D and the 4D are intimately tied together, with the 3D being a dependent variable and the 4D being an independent one
dependent variable — a variable (denoted by y) whose value is determined by that of another independent variable — a variable (denoted by x) whose value is being changed on its own, not by the influence of another variable
in other words, the 4D is the cause, and the 3D is the effect. if you follow the law of assumption and neville goddard, you've likely heard the quote "consciousness is the only reality." as in, the things we pay attention to, shape our reality. neville goddard says that our reality — the people we interact with, the things we experience, the opportunities given to us — are directly tied to and mirror our subconscious.
living in the 4D
just like a knot can be tied, our reality can be both made and unmade. the 3D is pliable and moldable. in order to do so, we must live in the 4D, as in, live in imagination.
living in imagination isn't simply daydreaming about what you wish to manifest, it's about actively embodying the perception of already having your desire.
if I were to want to manifest being an incredible singer, I would act as though I were, even if in reality my singing could break eardrums. I would sing my favourite songs without worrying about whether or not I was good, because I already know that I am great.
since the 4D directly causes change to the 3D, it is what we do and believe in imagination that will be reflected in reality. what we believe is what we get. if I were to be insecure and believe that I were a terrible singer, the 3D would show me that I was a terrible singer.
living in the 4D means we cannot focus on getting our desire in the 3D, as that would be pedestaling the 3D and grounding yourself in it. just like you cannot centre men in your life as a woman for the sake of your emotional health and self-esteem, you cannot centre the 3D for the sake of your manifestations.
on belief + believing even when you don't believe
this was a really difficult concept for me to grasp. how can I believe in something when I know it's not true? how can I fake a belief?
it's actually terribly easy to. the first step to believing when you don't believe is persistence.
have you ever had an ironic inside joke with your friends, or just did something ironically? I guarantee you, over time it became a natural part of your life, your vocabulary, your mannerisms. that's because your subconscious doesn't know when you're kidding. your subconscious is probably more autistic than you are, in that it will take what you say or do at face value and apply it to your personality. (really makes you think about how often self-deprecating jokes aligns with poor mental health, huh?)
that's why persistence is key. even if at first you don't believe, continue to enforce the idea that you do until it actually manifests within your mind.
decentring the 3D
I came up with this idea after hearing about the feminist concept of decentring men.
what is decentring men?
the concept of decentring men is to turn away from patriarchal and male-centric perspectives and beliefs, instead turning inward and focusing on your own wants, wishes, desires, and needs. instead of looking for validation through men or other social means, you simply validate yourself. where you may have valued the social norm or others, you instead place yourself at the centre of your own life.
how can we decentre the 3D?
just like the patriarchy has taught us to seek validation from external factors like men, the world has taught us to find validation in what is right in front of us — the 3D.
like decentring men, we must learn how to find satisfaction and validation in the 4D instead of seeking instant gratification from the 3D. there are many ways to do this, including;
understanding that you are in fact in your DR / already have your manifestations
it's agreed that time is not linear, it is simply that our brain processes it as such. even if you do not personally believe in shifting or the multiverse, it has been widely agreed that time moves in all directions, not just forward. by that reasoning, you already have your desire, and you're already in your desired reality, because events exist even when our brains have not yet processed them.
take the 3D as though it were someone doubting you
have you ever expressed a dream, desire, aspiration to someone, only to be told you could never do it or it's not possible? think of the 3D as being the same way. what do you do then?
prove them wrong. brush it off your shoulders. read my post about how to do this here.
Schrödinger's Cat — understanding that you are in your DR until you allow yourself to view otherwise
Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment that boils down to the fact that we cannot guarantee an outcome if we do not experience it, i.e. a quantum superposition, which is the principal that something can exist or be represented by multiple values (or outcomes).
the cat is both alive and dead on a quantum level, until we observe an outcome. a path has not yet been carved until we align ourselves to one. you may benefit from my post on the butterfly effect and how it validates shifting and infinite realities, which you can read here.
close your eyes. you are both in your desired reality and your original reality until you prove to yourself otherwise, as in, opening your eyes. at the same time, thanks to infinite realities, you are both in your desired reality, your original reality, and infinite more until you choose to become aware of one singular reality.
when you choose to shift, you are in your desired reality until you allow yourself to come back to your original reality, by quitting. lean into that knowledge — allow yourself to truly feel that when you visualize, affirm, or try to shift to your DR, you are genuinely there. find validation and satisfaction in that. allow yourself to say I shifted whenever you do those things.
as to how you can let yourself say you've shifted when in terms of the 3D, you haven't — that's what the next section is all about.
participating in the 3D
how can we live in the 4D, find satisfaction in the 4D, all without abandoning the 3D? how can we participate in the 3D without forsaking our manifestations?
have you ever been in a situation where you know something, but the other person doesn't know that you know it? let's say you want to hear this person's unfiltered perspective, without justifications or explanations, to see what they add or leave out. you may act shocked to find out information you already knew, angry on their behalf when you know it is them who is actually in the wrong, or confused when you actually aren't.
do exactly that with the 3D, treat it like you would a lying friend or boyfriend when you want to collect all information. you can still be honest about the events in the 3D and your experience with them while also not letting them influence your internal world and 4D.
you don't and shouldn't post success stories publicly if you haven't done them in the 3D, but you can absolutely allow yourself such within your own mind. keep 3D events in the 3D, and keep 4D events in the 4D.
in the 3D, I'm an awful singer and will admit so, but within the 4D and my own mind, I am brilliant and beautiful.
living in the 4D doesn't mean to lie, it just means to compartmentalize your actions in the 3D and the 4D into separate boxes. this includes allowing yourself to feel emotions like frustration, sadness, doubt. let yourself feel them, let them pass, and then realign with your manifestations.
treat the 3D as though it were friend group one, where you act one way, and treat the 4D as if it were friend group two, where you act a different way.
treat your 4D self as though it were the 3D's child, and your 3D self as though it were the 4D's parent. you wouldn't want your child to see you sad, angry, or scared. you wouldn't want your child to see you feeling like things were out of control or not guaranteed. you would instead excuse yourself to a private moment, feel everything you need to in your own presence, and then return to your child more assured. make your child feel as though its dreams are guaranteed and already there. preserve your child's joy, belief, and innocence. do all of that for the 4D.
that's all for now! I hope this helps you all as much as it has helped me
yoshi!!
#neurodivergent shifters#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting realities#quantum jumping#anti shifters dni#desired reality#shifting antis dni#shifting blog#manifestation#shifting reality#shifters#shifting#reality shifting tips#shifting community#desired realities#yoshi does shifting#original reality#reality shifter#shifting script#shifting consciousness#shifting tips#shiftok#loassumption
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Fuck people are gonna see this and I don't want to upset them which is why I'm not saying it but fuck I'm upset. I feel like every time I try to do something for myself I fuck someone I love over somehow. I also simultaneously feel like no one could ever actually love me. Like... Like when people find out how I really am they don't "love" me anymore, they feel something they think is love or I think is love and it isn't. And sometimes I do think people love me for a long time and they don't. Sometimes... Sometimes I just feel like everyone would be better off without me. Not that I wanna die necessarily, but that if I ran away and lived the rest of my life by myself then everyone would be better off. Lately, I've been feeling like everything I do is a mess up. No matter how big or how small. Like I can't say anything right, can't do anything right. And I'm not even scared I'm gonna lose people over it. I'm scared that constantly putting myself out there to just repeatedly find out I'm not as loved as I thought or that they're not as good as I thought or that I'm not who they want, will bring me to a point of really cutting everyone the fuck out. No more fucking people. But I don't want that. I don't want to be alone. I'm just tired of being hurt and constantly hurting the people around me. It feels like I'm not meant for fucking people or anyone anymore. I love so much, and maybe what I think I'm giving as love is actually something so much worse. What if I constantly destroy the lives of everyone around me and my own as well. I want love. That's all I want. But sometimes it feels like maybe my perception of what that is is skewed? Like other people don't see love the way I do, and maybe that's for a good reason. Either that, or I am unlovable. I'm just incapable of finding people who will stick with me. They said I need to talk to more people cause I don't have enough friends. Also made a joke about me not having a lot of partners. But I have more people I talk to rn than I have in years. But maybe I'm still not doing it right? Maybe I'm still not loving right? Maybe I'm still not fucking being myself right I don't know. For the first time in years I've been contemplating self harm so heavily again, and I told them that. It doesn't matter. Maybe I just fucking should take it out on myself like I always have. Maybe I don't fucking deserve to feel better ever. I'm not going to. I'm sure my somewhat clarity will return soon. But by mf God am I living in a fuckin nightmare.
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You know, considering that she's portrayed as the kind of person who would disable her own hearing for a little while if someone's voice annoyed her, I'm actually kind of happy that no one picked this. However, that was the lie. As someone who does have to live sans an eye and one of her legs, she's a bit afraid of modifying such an intricate part of her own body so callously for fear of not being able to fix it after.
She does carry around a shotgun in her leg. It's not a big one, more so a single loading pistol that fires shotgun shells than a proper shotgun, but it fits snugly into a compartment in her thigh, and a lot of her clothes have been modified so that she can reach through the pockets and discretely grab it.
And yes, she has punched a Tuitish witchhunter while drunk. It was actually the big reason that she had to flee Angeheim. See, Tuitis and Angeheim have a very skewed perception of magic, believing that although it's a perfectly natural thing to have, it's a crime against humanity to use it, and actively fund witchhunters to hunt and kill anyone guilty of using magic for any reason. She was in a pub, drinking to celebrate a friend's recent marriage when she overheard someone nearby laughing and joking about some 'verminous witch' that they'd killed on one of the surrounding farms and boasting about how cruel their methods had been. Maire- being a mage herself- was understandably beyond livid, and being highly inebriated and consequently without her usual self control, walked right over and began to beat the shit out of that person, only to learn later on that she'd hospitalized the captain-general of the Tuitish witchhunter foreign division.
2 truths 1 lie
Thanks to @orion-lacroix for the tag!
For this one, I'll do Maire Aitkin.
No pressure tag for @illarian-rambling, @pizzamanstan and anyone else who wants in.
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Jujutsu Kaisen astrology (sun/moon/rising)
Some sun-moon-rising speculations, according to the characters’ official birthdays as listed by Gege Akutami, with some mild spoilers ahead ~ (birth years not taken into account)
Gojo Satoru - Sagittarius sun, Gemini moon, Aquarius rising Quick, witty, and without a serious bone in his body, air and fire dominant Gojo Satoru is the epitome of avid communication and chaos. His flighty personality appears out of place in serious life or death circumstances, though his shallow behaviour often hides a darker, more serious side which he keeps to himself. His sun-moon opposition makes him someone who grows through oscillating between extremes, and in the mutable signs his moods are light and change lightning fast. Highly intellectual and often cocky, he is also detached, surprisingly stubborn and a believer in larger humanitarian goals (resetting the jujutsu system). His Aqua rising makes him somewhat of a loner at times. Probably also a Sag mercury for his dramatic, showy speeches, and a Sag venus with his love for freedom. Itadori Yuuji - Aries sun, Libra moon, Pisces rising Itadori is one of the few people whose energy (or childishness) can match Gojo Satoru. Like Gojo, his sun-moon fire-air opposition makes him eccentric and complex. Not especially comfortable with his own emotions, Itadori represses his own traumatic experiences. He also often finds himself in moral dilemmas, such as what is considered a proper death, or weighing the balance between saving lives and causing mass destruction as Sukuna’s vessel, a perpetual and difficult state for a Libra moon. Relationships with others are important because he gains self-awareness through them. His Pisces rising is seen in his soft, easygoing and impressionable social demeanour, which can be quite chameleon-like depending on who he’s with. Likely a Taurus mercury and venus.
Fushiguro Megumi - Capricorn moon, Scorpio moon, Taurus rising Fushiguro is the definition of controlled intensity. Usually sporting a deadpan look, his emotions are firmly contained and his private life is kept intensely private (re: his past as high school gang beater, his sister). Known as the most sane/collected out of the main trio, the strength of his feelings are revealed when he flicks the emotional switch and overwhelms the special grade with his domain expansion. Like many Capricorn suns, he struggles with competitiveness, self-worth and becomes adorably shy when validated by others (Gojo and Sukuna). Scorpio moons often have difficult and complex familial relationships, and this is evident in the lack of parental figures throughout his life (and his indifference towards them). They also have a good deal of natural sex appeal, which explains his popularity in middle school and Itadori’s (and SUKUNA’S LOL) early affection for him. Likely Cap mercury and Aqua venus. Kugisaki Nobara - Leo sun, Virgo moon, Aries rising Loud, brash and expressive, Kugisaki is confident, although sometimes coming across as arrogant. She is extremely critical (a Virgo moon trait), sees herself as above the boys when she meets them, and is generous and warm to (female) figures whom she highly respects. Interestingly, despite her dramatic persona, she’s the most level-headed out of the three when it comes to a crisis. She focuses on getting the job done, even if it comes at great personal sacrifice, such as the fight against the death paintings where she did not hesitate to stab herself to defeat them. She hides her sadness because it makes her vulnerable, and strength is the image she wants to portray. Like many Virgo moons, she has a solid sense of duty - despite her injuries during the Shibuya arc, she refused to leave the battlefield when her friends were still fighting. Possibly Leo mercury and Virgo venus. Nanami Kento - Cancer sun, Virgo moon, Capricorn rising The morose salaryman sorcerer. Responsible, down-to-earth and favouring structures and rules, Nanami is a true blue Virgo moon. He operates out of a sense of obligation and duty to society, often struggling to find meaning in life, and is practical in the way he goes about making decisions. This moon makes him highly perceptive and analytical in a fight, as seen from his multiple brushes with Mahito, and its need for precision and detail is reflected in the way his cursed technique operates (along a fascinating 7:3 ratio scale). His emotional Cancerian traits are kept under wraps, though he is protective of people and his friends. Because of the depth of personal trauma with Haibara, he even ran away from the sorcerer line of work. As a Cap rising, he is workaholic, solemn and overly serious. Most likely a Cancer mercury and Taurus venus. Getou Suguru - Aquarius sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising As one of the most radical personalities, Getou’s sole focus is on how to achieve the greater good, although what he defines as good has become skewed to the extreme. Quiet, dignified, and self-reflective, he is the patient and level-headed counterpart to Gojo who understands what it feels like to be born with power. Fueled by his strong sense of injustice and need to protective fellow sorcerers, he is methodical and self-effacing in achieving his goals, sacrificing his relationships with his friends, family and his status in jujutsu society along the way. Likely Aqua mercury and Cap venus. Maki Zenin - Capricorn sun, Aries moon, Aries rising Maki’s blunt, fiery and stubborn personality makes her strive to prove herself to her family. Amongst all the students, she possesses the strongest leadership charisma and potential. Inumaki Toge - Libra sun, Pisces moon, Scorpio rising Mostly quiet, mysterious and strangely alluring. Very protective of his friends, as seen from his colder, distant personality towards Yuta in their early days. Panda - Pisces sun, Taurus moon, Sagittarius rising Panda is quite sage-like and wise in personality. They keep calm and grounded, yet knows when to chime in with a joke or two to diffuse conflict in a situation. Aoi Todo - Virgo sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising A deep eccentric with an overactive imagination. Extremely intelligent and analytical, with a penchant for bravado and showiness. Mai Zenin - Capricorn sun, Aries moon, Taurus rising The younger of the twins, born shy of a few minutes after Maki, Mai’s Taurus rising makes her graceful, elegant and sensual. Miwa Kasumi - Aries sun, Pisces moon, Cancer rising The sweetest! Shy, really giving person with a girl-next-door look. Gets starry eyed and excited too easily.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jujutsu kaisen astrology#jjk astrology#gojo satoru#itadori yūji#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#maki zenin#inumaki toge#panda jjk#aoi todo#mai zenin#miwa kasumi#getou suguru
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after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics
Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons.
Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-
time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately
The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself. This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.
Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already. Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception
Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often. Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan.
I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is.
not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so-
It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)
-
Now lets talk about Venti...
uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me. I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit.
Venti’s response to this:
He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)
he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?
Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.
savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk-
-
fact time!
Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom.
now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:
Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.
Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-
also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you
so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.-
-
Okay! enough talking about that mindset!
idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already-
idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-
again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao
#genshin impact#genshin xiao#genshin venti#xiaoven#genshin barbatos#opinions#discourse#? idk ill tag it just in case#dont mind my constant backtracking and justifying and repeated disclaimers-#i just have a crippling fear of being cancelled lol
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“cry for the moon: side H” musings
so i watched the hunter side of identity v stage episode 3 “cry for the moon” and i would like to let out my thoughts because there are so many of them and i do not know any better way of coping with my feelings.
spoilers for the stage play under the cut:
simply said, this production was leagues above episode 1, which i also hold very close to heart so you can imagine what episode 3 did to me. i’ve loved mary ever since i started playing the game almost a year ago, and to learn that there’d be an entire stage play dedicated to her. and not to mention that cecile daigo would play her role, i was already sold.
putting her character against eli, whose character (at least in the stage) is supposed to be this calm, supportive, empathetic person, i’d keep thinking how they’d pull it off, how’d they frame mary’s backstory, how everything would work out in the manor...i had so many questions. in the end, i came out so thoroughly satisfied by this stage. in fact, my friend and i cried multiple times watching this. it affected us THAT much.
story:
the story is a little straight-forward. mary is a queen who was executed by her own people. from my understanding, they didn’t allude to the revolution or anything, simply the fact that mary grew up in royalty and luxury, was taught to be high-headed, and self-centered, maintain that elite image. and in following this way of life, she ended up being extremely lonely, till everyone around her betrayed her and she was left to be executed. in the manor, now that she’s dead, she’s still very stubbornly insists that everyone treat her like royalty, that everyone else in the manor is beneath her, just so she could justify the pain from the loneliness and betrayal she felt. eli shows up, reaches out, the concept of ‘skins’ in the game is very cleverly used as a plot device, and the stage ends with mary learning about the Power Of Friendship(TM). she also learns to accept herself as a person, not as a ‘concept.’
i feel like the motives of the hunter main character seemed a lot more fleshed out. the connection to the survivor main character was established in due time, and all the pieces started fitting together as the story went on, something i found a little lacking in the first stage. like i said, it’s straight-forward and easy to digest, but still ends up tugging at your heartstrings.
characters:
mary’s characterisation was phenomenal. i’ve always been bitter about the fact that the game straight up copy pasted marie antoinnette onto her, but in the stage the creative liberties were put on full display. she’s her own character, with abundant past trauma which makes her cold and unapproachable. she’s so protective of her world view that she’d lash out on anyone and everyone who dares to change it. being called a ‘hunter’ makes her snap, makes her pissed, because she’s a queen! she always has been! there’s no way she could be standing along with other people! that’s not what she’s learned in her life time!
eli doesn’t have a lot of character moments because this was the hunter side after all, but he’s the same as the first stage. sees a lonely, recluse person, and wants to reach out. though the creators have stated that each stage is a different manor, or a different story, they’ve stuck to this characterisation of eli and i love it.
while the other hunters also had their parts, the more prominent ones were luchino and joseph. and joseph. oh goodness. his transformation from the first stage to now was something i craved for. he’s joking around with the other hunters, the other hunters also clown him pretty bad. he has a soft spot for robbie. the back and forth he shares with luchino also filled my heart with so much love. and most importantly, he’s the one who tells mary to embrace the present as it is, because holding onto the past will not do much. he fits the gap between eli and mary perfectly, and moves the story in his own joseph way. seeing him actually move on from his past and live with a healthy mindset, something we’ll probably never see in the game...it destroyed something in me.
joseph’s character also emphasises that in the confusion of whatever the manor wants from them, the hunters at least have each other. it was a very nice touch.
acting, direction, dialogue:
this is the part where episode 3 completely overshadows episode 1. cecile daigo is the star of this stage. she has once again won my heart. when she’s being cold, you’ll feel a chill down your spine. when she’s angry, you’ll physically feel that tension. when she screams and cries, you’ll have your heart sink. her dialogue delivery in any given situation hit in all the right spots. i’m still scared to go rewatch the guillotine scene because it was so incredibly painful to watch the first time.
not only that, but the way they creatively used this open stage which made the play seem so much more idv-like. the way they would place eli on one end of the stage walking in one direction, and mary would be on the other side walking in the opposite direction. or when the lights would follow them around the stage as they sang their duet, OR OR OR the way the actor playing mary’s mirror image would sync perfectly with mary, or even the way eli talks to mary in a soft, calm manner, knowing that she’s going through something very traumatic. it was all so beautifully done. the dialogues themselves were so impactful, we had to rewind some scenes just to appreciate the words properly.
music, costumes, misc:
the music. GOD the music. not only the hunter song, but also the score in the play itself. the fairy-tale like song in the fake world. eli and mary’s duet song. it was all perfect. in the end when mary returns to all the hunters with a change of heart, and ‘acclamation’ plays in the background i actually got teary eyed lmao. just the timing of everything was so spot on.
the costumes, just like the previous stage, were also perfect. mary rocking bloodbath while bride eli mopes in the background. the other characters in their alternate clothing was. something.
also. norton in a tux. phenomenal.
my personal favourite part from the alternate world was the dance, where i lost my shit two times: one, when i saw 0.3 seconds of fiopat and two, when i saw xiefan fist bump.
ty for the fanservice idv stage play.
as a milf enjoyer, i would’ve appreciated more of marymichi but i think this one screen cap alone is enough to fuel me for the next ten years.
gotta appreciate michiko for taking the shot at the start of the play. she missed terribly, but she took a shot and that’s what matters. go get your girl, michiko.
my review could be very extremely biased, though. sorry for ending on this note LOL. i love identity v so so much and i’ve invested myself in these doll characters way too much, so actually getting to watch my favourite characters TALK to each other, be part of each other’s stories, it may have slightly skewed my perception of of the play. of course, it isn’t without faults, but to anyone who loves idv, who loves mary especially, this is a must watch. i genuinely mean the praises i’ve given to this stage play and i do not regret spending my money on this.
i’ll watch the survivor side and the comedy stages eventually and i don’t know if i’ll be making reviews for those but i just had to talk about the hunter side.
thank you so much to the creators of this stage, to all the wonderful talented actors, and a big thank you to the new writers. this was more than i could’ve asked for.
hoping for a stage 4 with mary’s return xx
#identity v#idv#identity v stage#idv stage#idv stage play#cry for the moon#tagging the ships i mentioned for filters:#marymichi#michimary#fiopat#xiefan#metalks
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𝔻𝕣𝕒𝕜𝕘𝕠 𝕆𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤
ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 4: ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀꜱᴇᴅ
Shego was destined to life a life of solitude. It was a prophecy that could not be broken—the will of the Gods could not be quelled, no matter how hard she tried. No matter how many times she extended her green-glowing hand towards outcasts like her, no one graced her singed fingertips with the love she craved. Not even her own brothers—her family.
She wandered the streets alone, guarded, unwilling to let the stone wall she built crumble to her aching feet. She accepted her fate, cursed the Gods that bestowed such a lonely life upon her shoulders, and bellowed into the night, only to wake the next morning alive, but empty. Without a person to call home, Shego relied on herself—and the vacant jail cell—for company. As the arresting officer pried the jewels from her cold hands, she curled into herself on the stone bench, silent tears displacing the dirt caked on her cheeks, yet not a sob was heard. Instead, the loud clank of metal bars echoed in the room, alerting the guards of her departure, but they were too late. Only the tinge of grey smoke bore the evidence to her existence in that jail cell.
Her shadow faded into the night as the cell waved goodbye, awaiting her faithful return.
So, when she was picked up by a kook, self-proclaimed “mad scientist”, Shego rejected his offer of friendship. A victim of her own fear, she maintained a skewed perception of love towards her emotional captor—Stockholm Syndrome, if you will, perpetuated by the black buzz that filled her head with nothing but absolute terror. Every touch, every joke, every evening spent on the velvet couch, popping popcorn into each other’s mouths, Shego felt the cracks in the stone wall grow larger and larger until a loud boom resounded within her mind—an explosion of anger, resentment, terror, and longing—that would force her to retire early for the night, leaving a confused Dr. Drakken on his side of the couch, worried about his “sidekick”.
Shego was never a fan of life. The beauty tormented her with wants and needs that were never attainable. She longed for ideals that laid a smidge out of her reach—taunting her with what she couldn’t have. It was a cruel game. But, as her fingers wrapped around her hot coffee mug in the early morning, the sleepy face of her boss, graced with a loving smile, pulled at her unmoving heart, ripping it from the cold caverns of her chest for him to take for himself.
And she let him.
Late nights turned to early mornings. Failed schemes turned into laughter in the back of the cop car. Promises made were never broken. Smiles were never tarnished. Shego found the companionship she craved and Drakken the same. A hug here, a peck on the cheek there—encounters that both criminals shyed away from turned into emboldened experiences of passion that neither party regretted nor forgot.
So, as Shego’s gloved fingers slipped beneath the damp fabric of his coat, she cursed, once more, to the Heavens—enraged by their alleged betrayal. She let the wall crumble long ago, in good faith, believing that the Gods took pity on her. She was wrong. She was a fool.
Hot tears mingled with sludge that painted her face into a picturesque crimson field of sorrow. She’d have half a mind to wipe away the trails, but her hands remained fixated on the wounds she held within her arms. Her voice, mixed with the growing sound of sirens, echoed in the room—resounding off of the cold walls, filling her ears with the pain she felt deep within her shattered heart.
She sat, alone, on the cold bench. Without him. Embraced by the emptiness of the jail cell that had been awaiting her inevitable return.
#dr drakken#drakken#shego#drakgo#kim possible#kp fanfiction#drakgo fanfiction#drakgo oneshots#drakgo oneshots update
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I've always been bisexual. Even though like many people I was socialized as a heterosexual and feminine person, my first "sexual awakenings" (those first experiencies of admiration, infatuation and sexual excitation) during my childhood happened with women. As I was at the same time conscious about my attraction to boys, my heterosexual socialization made me give little importance to my fascination with women and the feminine.
After several years—and more unperceived "awakenings"—I noticed that maybe I'd be interested in "being" with a woman. At first I didn't try anything, and when I had non-straight crushes I felt intimidated and very buga* for them. When I had boyfriends, they noticed that I also liked women, but we never talked about it in a straightforward manner. Eventually my first non-buga relationships (sexual, sentimental) happened, with both cisgender women and people outside the binary gender spectrum. Only after I had those experiences I told myself that–finally–I could call myself bisexual.
(*Buga is a jargon used by LGBTQIA communities in Mexico to refer to heterosexual people.)
Nowadays I'm suspicious of talking about my bisexuality with other people, since unfortunately biphobia (the hate and discrimination toward bisexual people) is a real phenomenon (1). Because the bisexual identities are a grayscale in contrast to the "black or white" which implies being straight or homosexual, bisexual people can suffer discrimination, prejudice or invisibility from both of these communities.
Biphobia can be manifested through unintended jokes and lack of credibility, or openly as insults. These type of attitudes negatively affect the mental and emotional well-being of bisexual people, especially among younger bisexuals who report more mental issues (anxiety, depression, stress, higher rates of suicide) than both heterosexuals and homosexuals (gays and lesbians) (2).
In many cases, biphobia is a product of a lack of information. Below you can read more about some of the most common questions, myths, and facts about bisexuality.
What exactly is bisexuality?
Bisexuality is a type of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to those towards whom we feel attraction (affective, sexual, emotional). Some sexual orientations examples include: heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, pansexuality, and more.
The bisexual orientation is defined as having attraction towards more than one gender (3); it is a more fluid and open idea, subject to variations between different people who call themselves bisexual.
Not all people define their bisexuality in an identical way, and not all people attracted towards more than one gender call themselves bisexual.
Is bisexuality only a phase?
No. It's normal that many homosexual people go through a exploration period while they are learning to understand where their attraction lies. However, that doesn't mean bisexuality is always a phase prior to homosexuality (4). For many people, feeling attracted to other people of various genders it is a serious and stable preference (5).
Being bisexual does not always means that an attraction towards more than one gender is divided 50-50 evenly, or even 40-60, in a consistent preference. There are some for whom it is mostly–but not exclusively–attraction to one gender (6). But there are also those for whom attraction changes with time and according to certain contexts (7). This category of fluidity is not expected–at least in the beginning–from monosexual orientations.
These types of false beliefs have been facilitated by scientific research. Many studies on bisexuality have been focused on monosexual perspectives (heterosexual and/or homosexual), skewing the results to misrepresent the experience of bisexual people (8). It has also been wrongly suggested that bisexuality is an incomplete orientation, as if it was only a mere transition to homosexuality (9).
Do bisexual people like it "both ways" because they have an insatiable sexual appetite?
No. Someone’s orientation does not define anyone's sexual appetite. Bisexuality itself doesn't make someone promiscuous, unfaithful or untrustworthy. This myth is a product of monosexism: the belief that people should have only one sole sexual identity and only one type of sexual behaviour towards one gender or defined sex (10).
Monosexism also assumes monogamy is the norm (11). To impose monosexism as a sole social norm applicable to everyone leads (consciously or indirectly) to the belief that another more fluid sexuality can be a threat or an anomaly, and harder to control.
The assumption that bisexuality is an abnormal preference or that bisexual people are without self control can create false narratives that subject this orientation to be hypersexualized; it can make people think that bisexual people "choose" this orientation in order to have more options of where to find potential partners. It is harmful to project sexual fantasies onto bisexual people (or onto any other orientation) without their consent, as if they were only an instrument to satisfy fantasies for others.
In my experience, it’s been very irritating when people assume that being bisexual translates to the equal possibility of being willing to "do it all".
Am I bisexual if I also feel attraction towards transgender or non-binary people?
Generally speaking, yes. Some people think that the prefix "bi" means that bisexuality is the attraction towards only two cis/binary genders ("man" or "woman"). There are indeed those who live their orientation this way, but bisexuality–understood as the attraction to people of more than one gender–can also be extended to people with gender identities way beyond the binary and cis gender spectrum.
With that in mind, it’s also worth noting that not all people who feel attraction to more than one gender call themselves bisexuals for many reasons (stigma, culture, lack of information available, etc.). There are non-monosexual orientations, for example pansexuality (the attraction to people without considering their gender identity), whose definitions can sound very similar to bisexuality (12); in those cases, the decision to call oneself bisexual, pansexual or of any other term is a much more personal question that depends on how we feel and how we define ourselves individually.
Do I stop being bisexual if I start a romantic relationship with someone of the "opposite" gender?
No. This myth is due to the false idea that bisexuality is only an "experimentation" phase before things "get serious" and back to a stable heterosexual relationship (a common case among people socialized as women) (13). It is also possible to be in a monosexual relationship in which each person keeps their distinct sexual orientation.
There are internalized feelings of biphobia common to bisexual people when they decide to start a romantic relationship that can be perceived as monosexual. These feelings often occur similarly to the fear that a partner of monosexual orientation wouldn't understand the bisexuality of the other (14). In other cases, it might be easy for others (family, friends, social circles) to assume that the bisexual people's orientation changes or disappears depending on the current partner (15).
Even though the sexual orientation of anyone can change throughout life, it's much healthier when those decisions are made individually, without biphobic stereotypes and without the pressure of others’ perceptions.
Can I be bisexual if I haven't had sex or a relationship outside the heterosexual spectrum?
Of course! Nobody is obligated to offer "proof" of one's bisexuality. Being conscious that someone's sexual orientation can be bisexual is enough. Our sexual orientation may not be cast in stone for the rest of our lives, so it's completely valid to be going through a phase of exploration or questioning without the need to "make a decision" for the rest of our lives, or to clearly define our orientation within a label.
Non-heterosexual experiences, either sexual, affective or social, often times are facilitated (or repressed) by the context in which we live, by our social or familiar relationships, by the complexity of our tastes and individual necessities, by the access (or lack thereof) to different sexual diversities and cultures, and also by a safe environment, free from harassment, judgment, and marginalization.
It's important to keep in mind that there aren’t always comfortable and safe environments for the open exploration of any non-heterosexual orientation; sometimes there are circumstances in which prioritizing one’s physical and emotional well-being requires keeping oneself in the closet—which is also valid. In any case, whatever the context, not having non-heterosexual experiences with others does not mean that someone’s internal thoughts should be suppressed. I fell into this trap and only called myself bisexual once I had my first non-heterosexual experiences, even though my whole life I have been thinking that.
Clarifying doubts and obtaining sexual information free of bias and stigma can make a critical difference in the quality of life of those marginalized by their sexuality.
#bi tumblr#bisexuality#bi#support bisexuality#bisexuality is valid#bi pride#pride#lgbtq pride#lgbtq#lgbtq community#101#bisexual 101#not a phase#bisexual#bisexual community#bisexual education#bisexual nation#bisexual youth#bi youth#bisexual rights#bisexual injustice#support bisexual people#respect bisexual people#bisexual representation#bisexual facts#bisexual info#bisexual activism#bisexual pride#bi positivity#educate yourself
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Be a Better Me Ch 9
One more left after this!
Chapter 9
“Do you go to school?” Conan asks Kaito.
Kaito, in disguise as a young woman just for the fun of it (and for practice because skills need constant upkeep), smiles. “Of course I go to school.”
“And yet you happen to show on a day that only my school is closed for water damage.” His little kid friends are arguing about something on the other end of the playground. Conan watches them like he’s just waiting for them to remember he exists and drag him into whatever their scheming is. Scheming being the accurate term because Haibara Ai is part of that group and anything that makes her smirk, Kaito has learned, isn’t nearly as fun for the person on the other end of that look.
“I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“There was a heist a week ago.”
“And you kicked a soccer ball at me. That’s hardly communication.”
“You could just show up to Agasa’s.”
Kaito hums. “And how often are you actually there?”
“Okay, fair point. But you could talk to Haibara.”
“You say that like she isn’t terrifying.” Ai had a habit of updating him about what new things she figured out about Kaito’s body—both human and robotic—which hardly endeared her to him. He’d developed a habit of trying to avoid her whenever he actually had to drop in to Agasa’s place because being told in detail how your body replicated synthetic blood from what you ate is not pleasant conversation. Nor was the fact that she’d actually been studying Kaito’s corpse even though he doesn’t want her to. Kaito really doesn’t care how it’s not decomposing or what’s keeping the brain alive; it’s something he doesn’t want to think about.
“Oh, she is terrifying. That’s all part of being her friend.”
“Is she friends with any of you?” Kaito asks because from the bits he’s gotten out of them, Ai is the person who made the poison that changed Conan. And she’s older than Shinichi and Kaito both. He doesn’t know what to make of her, and all the more reason to avoid her.
“Yes,” Conan says. “She cares, and it’s not just guilt. She cares for the kids, and she at least tolerates me.” He smirks back at Ai as she lifts an eyebrow their direction. Conan makes a quick ring around his eye with his finger and thumb and the eyebrow lowers.
“Hey. Way to rat a guy out.”
“Please, she’d realize who you were a few minutes into talking with you if she came over here. She’s scary perceptive about that kind of thing.”
“It’s probably the PTSD hypervigilance,” Kaito grumbles.
Conan kicks him in the shin and Kaito swears under his breath.
“Your bony feet are a weapon.”
“I know,” Conan says. “C’mon, let’s go rope the kids into something before they spring something on us.”
“What, you expect me to join you?” Kaito asks. “I’m just a passing young woman enjoying a conversation.”
“Well you’re going to be a young woman playing with some kids.” Conan grabs Kaito’s hand and pulls, and it’s follow or be knocked sideways on his modest high heels. Brat.
It’s a good think Kaito doesn’t mind children.
o*O*o
Conan is at Agasa’s place when Kaito next shows up, the Kirin’s Horn heist fresh in his mind. It’s clearly still on Conan’s mind too because he glares at Kaito when he enters the room.
“You!” Conan growls.
“Me!” Kaito says, trying not to feel intimidated. It’s actually pretty hard since he knows intimately just how hard Conan can kick.
“You’re a jerk.”
“Agreed,” Ai says from her place on the sofa, book in hand.
“For knocking you out?” Kaito says. “All’s fair at heists, or did I miss a memo?”
“I am going to sic the police on you so hard next time,” Conan says.
“You got off lucky this time.”
“You chloroformed me.”
“Originally,” Kaito says, “it was going to be a Taser.”
Both Ai and Conan give him horrified looks.
“Oi, not like a full strength one! I don’t want to kill you.” Kaito scrubs the back of his neck and goes to sit on the couch that isn’t currently full of not-children with a grudge at the moment. “I was testing a lower power version and everything, and by testing, I mean I Tasered myself. Fun fact: robots and electricity apparently don’t mix.”
“Oh my god, what did you do?” Conan asks still horrified, but also morbidly curious.
“I, er, might have shorted something out temporarily. And temporarily disrupted some of my bio-synthetic processes.”
“Meaning you almost died,” Ai says with the level tone of a scientist making an observation. “You’re an idiot.”
“Oi, It’s not like I could have known how I’d react. Most things I handle like a human.” Kaito wrinkles his nose at her. “Hakuba already gave me a riot act on doing dangerous shit without supervision so I don’t need to hear it from you.”
“Still an idiot. Also, don’t Taser Kudo, we still don’t know how much the toxin has harmed his heart.”
Kaito blinks and Conan grimaces.
“I thought you said it was fine,” Conan says.
“I said I didn’t notice any signs of problems, but that doesn’t mean it’s fine. The change feels like a heart attack, and that’s probably significant.”
“Noted,” Kaito says. “I’d feel bad if I actually killed you.”
Conan looks unimpressed. “Wow, such strong feelings.”
Kaito rolls his eyes. “I’d be devastated if I killed anyone, that doesn’t make you special.”
“And I thought our friendship meant something,” Conan says, deadpan.
Kaito snickers.
“Are you here for a reason or did you just so happen to feel social?” Ai asks.
“A little of column A, a little of column B,” Kaito says with an airy wave of his hand. “Catch up on Beika news, visit one of my favorite detectives and his lovely scientist friend, run a scan to triple check I really didn’t short anything out with all the electricity going on the other day…”
“Get to the lab, idiot,” Ai says setting her book aside. “Agasa-hakase isn’t here today, so you’ll have to have me as a lab tech.”
“Joy.” Ai always has a way of leaving Kaito uncomfortable.
“I could leave you to struggle on your own.”
“No, no, the help is appreciated. I can’t do full body scans all on my lonesome.” Kaito stretches. “Any new murders since we last saw each other, Tantei-kun?”
“A drowning and an onsen murder actually.”
Kaito pauses. “…Was the drowning at the onsen or are these two separate murders?”
Conan looks at him with too-old eyes. “Which do you think?”
“You have terrible luck, did you know that?”
“I’m very aware.”
“He’s still on my shit list for the onsen murder,” Ai says, already prepping the lab with efficiency.
“Wow, what did he do?” Kaito drags a chair to the best position for a body scan.
“He ran into the women’s baths.”
“You’d just found a dead body!” Conan sputters. “You got your revenge already! It wasn’t like I was even paying attention to you!”
“I’m not that quick to forgive.”
Kaito snorts. “You’re lucky it wasn’t my friend Aoko. She tends to hit first, question later.”
“Speaking from experience?” Ai asks.
“Lots of it. I mean I have it coming, but still. It’s best for my self-preservation that I’ve mostly outgrown flipping her skirt.”
Both Ai and Conan give him identical disgusted grimaces. “You deserve any head trauma you get from that,” Ai says.
“Fair enough. I don’t really get why it’s such a big deal to so many people though, honestly. Bodies are bodies.”
“You’re the one that used underwear to distract me in the Black Star heist,” Conan says.
“To distract you yeah, but it’s more funny to me than distracting?” Kaito shrugs. “To be honest I think that’s something that changed since I became…like this. I can remember feeling… things… but those sort of thought skew toward the romantic rather than the physical these days.”
“While that makes me want to pick apart your brain,” Ai says in that bland, terrifying way of hers, “I need you to hold still so I can take the scan.”
Kaito gives her a mocking little salute and makes like a statue. Ai positions the machine around him in multiple angles until she’s satisfied.
“If you don’t feel that, what’s with all the attempts at kissing people?” Conan grumbles. People, meaning Ran, Kaito guesses.
“Kissing is nice,” Kaito says when Ai will let him move again. “Not that I’ve done much of it. I thought you realized by now I’m a lot more show than not when I’m Kid. Or in general really.” He doesn’t pretend too much around them these days and that’s kind of nice. It’s also more than a bit unnerving whenever he stops and considers that he’s being vulnerable, but it’s probably worth it in the long run. He’s been told a lot lately that honesty and openness make for stronger friendships. “Half of all that is just to mess with you.”
“Oi. Do you want a soccer ball to the face?”
Kaito snickers. “You have to admit, you make the best panicked faces.”
“I hope Ran punches you next time.”
“I’d deserve it,” Kaito agrees cheerfully.
“Well,” Ai says, “I’m not seeing anything obvious, but I’ll go over the scans in detail and get back to you. In the meantime, look out for anything off and don���t play lightning rod.”
“There goes that fantasy of hang gliding in a thunder storm,” Kaito says.
“I know you’re joking,” Conan says, “but sometimes it’s honestly hard to tell.”
“You wouldn’t find it cool to be in the sky with lightning flashing around?”
“No. Not at all. I’m not suicidal.”
Kaito sighs dramatically. “It would be like being one with nature.”
“Right up until you’re electrocuted or blown into a tree.”
“Maybe. Eh, I need to change things up more. I’ve been using the glider more lately and it’s getting predictable. Though to be fair, it’s faster than the balloons I used to use.”
Conan wrinkles his nose. “Balloons?”
“They don’t rely on wind or a specific height to power them,” Kaito says reasonably. “They’re slow though, and can burst. Which isn’t the best once guns come into play.”
“Right. Don’t tell me your plans.”
“You’re going to wonder next heist whether I’ll be using the glider at all, or if I’ll use it just because I said I shouldn’t,” Kaito says with a wink.
“Still hate you.” Conan has that grumpy-but-reluctantly-fond expression on and Kaito’s counting it as a win. Conan’s only pretending to be annoyed on principle.
“Kuroba,” Ai says cutting into the banter. “Could I talk to you alone for a moment?”
“Yes?” Kaito tilts his head to try and glimpse what Ai’s doing, but it doesn’t give any hints for what she wants. Nor does a glance at Conan. Conan shrugs in a way that could mean ‘who knows’ or maybe also ‘good luck’ before wandering out. Kaito’s pretty sure he’s outside the door eavesdropping because that’s standard detective nosiness, but Kaito’s not going to be the one to call him out on that. He’d be doing the same thing.
“Is there something wrong with the scan?” Kaito asks when Ai’s silent a bit too long.
“No,” she says. “I will have to go over it closer just to make sure, but that’s not what this is about.” She spins around in her chair and pins Kaito with a look that is just as sharp as any of the detectives’ stares. Kaito tries not to fidget under the weight of it. “You’re aware I’ve been studying your body.”
Any remnants of Kaito’s light mood crash and burn. “I’m aware.”
“You’re also aware that I created the poison that shrunk Kudo and myself.”
“Conan might have mentioned it.”
Ai folds her hands in her lap. It should look relaxed, but it’s somehow as unsettling as if she steepled her fingers like some kind of cartoon villain. “The chamber holding your body contains an oxygenated gas that, along with some injected substance that I’ve gotten traces of in blood, halts cellular degeneration. It works as a perfect preservative, and along with a very mild electric pulse, is preserving the body’s brain. The body is dead, but it’s been preserved at the exact moment of death. From what I can assess, the cause of death is a stopped heart. The substance injected as the preservative also slowed the heart to the point of death. He would have been aware,” Ai says mercilessly, “that he was dying, but unable to fight it. The chamber would have finished the process.”
She takes a breath. “I’m creating an antidote,” she says. “For Kudo. Personally I have no interest in returning to my former age and identity, but Kudo still has a life and people to return to. In allowing me to look at how your body was preserved, you’ve actually helped me make a few steps toward that goal. It’s not the same science as the apoptoxin, but there were similarities that helped flesh out my notes.”
“So you’re closer to helping Conan be Kudo and my body’s still very dead,” Kaito says. “Great. Why did you need to tell me this?”
Ai’s lips pinch for a moment. “Your body can’t be revived by restarting its heart and lungs no matter how intact they are because of the substance injected in it. And that substance can’t be filtered reliably out. But…”
“But what?” Kaito asks. He’s tempted to fling himself from the chair and leave, but something about her hesitation makes him stay a little longer.
“There’s a chance I could add to it and induce a similar effect as the apoptoxin. The most likely outcome of this would be that the body dies properly and for good. But,” Ai says softly, “there’s a small chance that it reacts the way Kudo and I did and it reverts back to a younger age. An age that’s also revivable because the toxin has run its course.”
Kaito stares. Kaito—the human Kaito—could be saved. Oh, it has to be an infinitesimally small chance of it happening, but it’s that much of a percent more than the rest of eternity spent in a glass box. And, as she said, it could kill him dead. But at least Kaito would actually be dead instead of in limbo.
But if it worked and Kaito’s body becomes a child again, what will that mean for him, the very-much-not-human Kaito? The Kaito that stole his face and stole his life and everyone he loves. Something between terror and jealousy twists in his gut. If the body gets to live, he’ll be the real Kaito again and Kaito won’t be anything.
And yet… Kaito knows that this body doesn’t have many years in it. Statistically speaking, technology doesn’t outlast a human body. A computer is lucky to get four years before something major breaks down. For Kaito’s experimental body… He’ll be lucky to get four years. He has no back-up of his brain, no depository of memories that he can add to on the off chance something goes wrong. He could probably ask Ai, Agasa, and Hakuba to collaborate on one just in case, but then again, he’s not sure he wants that either. That he could die and be replaced by a saved version of himself with gaps in memory… he doesn’t like the idea any more than the real Kaito will like it. So if this is the only shot he has, he might as well give a chance to the human Kaito. That way when he does degrade and become obsolete, they’d maybe have human Kaito still. There would be gaps left, but not as devastating of ones.
It isn’t just his choice to make though, no matter that it is his human body.
“Can I think about it?” Kaito asks, tense as a strung piano wire and doing terribly at hiding it.
“Take all the time you need,” Ai says. “It’s not something I can do overnight, and the body isn’t going anywhere. I just needed to tell you that it’s an option.”
Kaito nods. He needs to leave. He doesn’t want to look like he’s fleeing though. “Thanks for telling me. I should go make a phone call.”
He hears Ai murmur, “Don’t thank me yet,” under her breath as he turns and walks in a deceptively calm manner toward the door. He’s not fooling anyone.
There’s skittering as Conan sprinting away, but that’s fine. He can know about it, it’s not like it makes a difference. Kaito doesn’t even acknowledge Conan’s terrible attempt to look like he’s been watching television the whole time, instead walking straight for the door.
o*O*o
“Hey.” The online call connects with Kaito sitting surrounded by his fifteen doves, their soft feathers and voices soothing the tiny part of himself that kept whirling in panic.
“Kaito,” his mother says, surprised. It’s not their usual day to talk, and he’s only on voice call, not video. He doesn’t want to see what kind of expression she might make. “Is something wrong? You don’t need me to come home do you?”
As nice as it would be to have another of her visits, he won’t ask that of her. “I can’t just call?” he says lightly.
“Of course you can,” Chikage says. Warmly, like when she brushes his hair away from his forehead or gives him little side hugs when they cross into each other’s space. “You don’t ‘just call’ though.”
“Maybe I should,” Kaito says. She would appreciate a son that reached out more. But he’d appreciate her being here more. They’re both independent people, but they’re also social people and he understands. He understands why she needs to travel and see new things and reconnect with old friends. He just doesn’t always like it.
“I’d appreciate it in the future,” Chikage says, “but what did you call for now?”
“An offer was made. About Kaito.”
A beat of silence on the other end as she registers him using his own name. “What kind of offer?” she asks a lot more hesitant than a second ago. They never did talk about the body.
Maybe they should have. It’s so much easier to ignore elephants in the room than to dwell on them. “There’s a procedure Haibara Ai could do. I don’t know the numbers or science on it, but there’s a small chance she could get him alive again. There’d be side effects—” like losing a decade in age “—but he’d be Kaito and alive and human.”
“And what’s the rest of the chances?”
“It’d kill him,” Kaito says quietly. “Completely not just whatever not-death he’s in now. Being honest, it’s a lot higher percentage that he’d die than live from the sound of it, but…”
“I couldn’t kill him,” Chikage says. “I thought about it, like a coma patient on life support at a hospital, but…”
“But he’s not brain dead,” Kaito says with understanding. “I thought about it too. Not all for good reasons.” He doesn’t poke the minefield of jealousy and conflicting feelings of personhood. That way lies depression spirals. “It’s not really right to leave him like that forever though, is it?”
“No.” Chikage sighs. “A really small percentage?” she says, longing.
“Terribly small,” Kaito says. “Haibara didn’t sound confident that it would work. Still, it’d be like him—us—to leave that kind of thing to chance and play the impossible odds.”
He listens to Chikage’s breathing as she thinks, picturing her sitting in some cheesy themed hotel room with a late dinner in the form of hotel catering and the casual chaos of her suitcases slowly taking over the room. Or maybe it is still neat because Chikage reached the point of getting annoyed with clutter and put it all away until the cycle repeated. Either way she’s probably sitting on her bed with her toes tucked under the covers to keep her feet warm like she does at home when they watch movies together.
Kaito misses her terribly sometimes.
One of his doves flutters on his shoulder, right up against his neck all warm and grounding and alive. He pets her, feeling her feathers fluff and settle, her tiny body leaning into his touch.
“If it works, how will we explain two of you?” Chikage asks finally.
“If it works, he probably won’t be able to slip back into his old life, the side effects would make that impossible, and even if they didn’t, he has over a year of life and growth that never happened.” Kaito scratches the feathers along his dove’s neck. “Maybe he could go be with you. At least until he’s recovered and all. He’s… probably not going to like me much.”
“You mean you wouldn’t be your own best friend?” Chikage jokes. It’s a very weak joke, but he gives her points for trying.
“Considering how I reacted to the other robot that tried to steal our life, no.”
“…We’d make things work. If we got him back, we’d figure out a way to make it all work out.”
“Yeah.”
“It wouldn’t make me love you less,” Chikage says hitting to the heart of his fears in all of this. “You’d both be Kaito. I have enough love to go around.”
“I know. Thanks, Kaa-san.” He curls a little tighter and another bird lands on his back like that will get her pettings instead of Kaito trying not to move and dislodge her. “So.”
“I think you should try,” Chikage says. “It’s probably not going to work, but…”
“It’s resolution,” Kaito says.
“Yes.”
The dove on Kaito’s back flutters away but the one on his shoulder stays cuddled close. “Do you want to be here when…?”
Chikage is quiet long enough for Kaito to worry that the call has dropped. “I should be there,” she says, which isn’t really an answer.
“I’ll let you know when Haibara thinks she has things down to try it. You can decide then.”
“Thank you, Kaito.”
Kaito hums and lets her transition the topic to something else, something lighter and not involving death at all.
#magic kaito#detective conan#robot kaito#fanfiction#my writing#it's a good thing i had this written before posting#because my will to write has left me since work started back up#now i'm just tired and hollow again
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Just gotta call you out on what you said about the survey. The fandom survey was posted by an Alex Manes fan account hence the people who responded were Alex fans too and hence the results were as you said - it’s basic quantitative statistics lol. The fact that everyone knows Michael is a favourite to most fans and carina is obvious - the survey merely proves that the rest of the fandom is aware of it too.
Okay.
When i took the survey it had about two hundred responses. it was posted on tumblr, where I saw it, where most of my fandom takes place. It was a two-sentence joke about the numbers as I saw them at a time when the surveyed population was the population I interact with the most. I’m sorry I wasn’t pedantic enough for you, anon. I’m sorry my post contained a generalization. It’s almost like I don’t blog the same way I write my academic papers. I should have known someone would find me in violation.
Let’s take a look at your claims, anon, because we love analyzing things here, and since you know all about basic quantitative statistics, I know you’ll agree!
1. The survey can’t be taken as proof that Alex is the fandom darling because the surveyed population was skewed
2. The survey can be taken as proof that “the rest of the fandom” is rightfully aware of the obvious fact that Michael is the fandom darling
Can you see the contradiction taking place here? Either the survey can be used as evidence or it can’t–you don’t just get to cherry pick the responses that agree with you and ignore the ones that don’t.
Anon, if the “rest of the fandom” knew one hundred percent that Michael was the obvious favorite (over Alex specifically), my post wouldn’t have gotten any notes. It was untagged, and I don’t have that many followers. It isn’t just about the numbers, either–take a look at the comment responses, read for just a little while how the number of people saying that Alex is being mistreated or that miluca need to break up outweigh any comments criticizing Alex.
My post was responding to the same frustration I’m expressing now. On Tumblr–where most of my fandom takes place–I see a lot of claims that Alex is despised and in need of defense from a hateful fandom, but I never see any of the proof. The tag “anti alex manes?” Two posts, anonymous confessions from a year and five months ago respectively. The tag “anti michael guerin?” Two pages and active. Now, that isn’t a lot of hate either–you’ll never see me claim that Michael isn’t a popular character. The only thing I claim is that Alex is more popular than him, against the popular perception of people who self-identify as liking Alex to the exclusion of all others. That’s what the survey of the population I knew was tumblr-based confirmed and caused me to make a post about.
The survey is up to over five hundred responses now. (I took it on my phone while logged into a Google account, so I can go back and see the responses without taking the survey again.) The favorite character is still Alex by an overwhelming margin, with 47% of respondents self-reporting him as their favorite. Second place is Maria, with 16.2%, and then Michael and Liz are tied with 12.3%. Meanwhile, for the question “Who do you think is the most popular character in the fandom,” 54.6% of respondents report that their perception is that Michael is the fandom favorite. Alex is in second place with 22.2%, followed by Liz at 9.7%. The results still reflect the thing I joked about, which is the significant discrepancy between self-reported perception and self-reported reality among fans.
Any good statistical analysis includes a disclaimer as well as an examination of future avenues of study. I will state for the record that the surveyed population could still be skewed by having originated at the epicenter of Alex-centered fandom. You’ll find that this is often the case and an often-reported possible flaw in a survey study. It’s a flaw inherent in the sampling method known as snowball sampling–where the surveyed population begins with the surveyor’s acquaintances and goes outward from those acquaintances, i.e., it picks up snow as it rolls. There’s also the possibility that some individuals took the survey more than once, though Google does prevent logged-in users from doing so. This statement should not be used as a reason to throw out the results; proof of fraudulent activity would be necessary in order to demonstrate that surveyors were not acting in the good faith required of all self-reporting surveys. In regards to further study, I think it would be interesting to include a question about where respondents saw the survey as well as where they spend most of their fandom time (Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, etc.). That way, we would know more clearly what subset of the fandom was participating in the survey.
A fandom survey will never be a scientific exercise, anon, but at 513 responses, I do believe the sample size is large enough to be used for commentary on trends within the fandom. Something doesn’t have to be classifiable as science to be interesting or notable.
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Thanks for the replies. I'm not certain about Clover's character either since we don't get to explore his thought processes but I have fun testing out alternative readings of the character like is he actually confident or faking it to hide an inferiority complex. Either interpretation can work depending how you frame it so it's fun to posit about both. One thing interesting with the scenes you mention is Clover never refers to his luck as something solely for him to benefit from. 1/?
In the mines he says Qrow is the one who is lucky not something like “Well lucky for me my semblance is Good Fortune”. He wishes others like Robyn luck but at the manor says “Wish us luck” and when Qrow makes a joke that put Clover in the spotlight as the source of that luck Clover pauses and brightens. The van scene has a similar spin Clover says the kids are lucky to have a mentor (Qrow) and not everyone is as lucky. Is this him acknowledging his own good fortune 2/?
Or did he grow up without a mentor and “get lucky enough” to make it through regardless. Either reading works. Clover’s semblance is unique in that unlike other privileges in the real world, like being born with a lot of money, Clover is the only person with his circumstances. Meaning he would constantly be reminded that his point of view is not the norm. Perhaps he’s even hyper vigilant about it similar to how Qrow likely blames every bad thing on his luck Clover second guesses every good 3/?
Maybe Clover’s the type to not trust naturally good events or believe they are normal occurrences. Maybe he doesn’t talk about bad things because he thinks that’s just how things are. A lot of people with various mental illnesses/neurodivergentices don’t realize they are different they just think that’s how things are. Do his cocky moments come off negative because of pride or difficulty connecting or both. What ever you decide its fun to speculate and I enjoy stories that explore that.
You’re very welcome, Anon! But wow, I’m honestly a bit floored at all of this. In a good way, of course! I just hope I can do justice to the time you’ve taken to think and write all this out. With that said, here goes?
I think that’s exactly what makes Clover an interesting character to write. While it’s bittersweet that we didn’t get much backstory or a wider arrangement of scenarios to see him act in, it’s also fun to see how people fill in the gaps themselves. People can go a confident, flirty route, and it fits. Others can portray a secretive, somber side, and it works just as well. It’s definitely fun to build him up based on what we’ve been given, and there are people who seem to enjoy any and all sides people want to portray.
With those scenes you’ve mentioned, starting with the mine scene, Clover wishing Qrow luck always made me… well, curious, I guess? Here’s a man well-known (infamously or otherwise) across Remnant, and when he says he has the direct opposite of Clover’s semblance, that he carries misfortune with him regardless of his own consent, Clover takes a second before telling him it’s a shame that Qrow thinks he’s better off working alone because of it. I’ve never been able to tell if that’s because he thinks semblances like theirs can work to their benefits (since it’s been shown) or if he’s trying to offer comfort in some way.
But it’s almost bittersweet, that scene. Since Clover is practically everything Qrow could be, even when you remove the good luck semblance: his appearance is of a strong, capable leader with his head on straight who cares for those under his charge. (Not that Qrow isn’t any of these himself, but self-perceptions are rarely skewed in the positive in situations like that.) So I have to wonder if Clover’s “lucky you, huh?” can be Clover actually saying something like, “it’s okay,” - something based off first impressions - and if Qrow can work towards believing that after everything he had gone through prior to Atlas. Coming from someone outside of the kids and Tai, or Summer - a reassurance of lingering good despite the ever-lasting bad - I still can’t shake the fact that it’d be a bitter pill for Qrow to swallow regardless of Clover’s intentions, and regardless that a friendship did eventually bloom between them.
With wishing Robyn luck, I like to think it’s because Clover knows that despite their differences in alliances, in tactics, he knows that she’s doing her damndest for her people - she’s doing whatever she can regardless of what’s stopping her, and I think he not only admires that tenacity but relates to it. Or perhaps he aspires towards it. It seemed to hint at some connection prior to what we saw, be it just them working on opposite sides or if they knew each other from elsewhere, but I liked the humanity it showed in Clover. It’s hard to wish someone luck when they’re against you, and considering it came from him (and given the voice actor’s tone in this scene), it sounded… genuine. You’re right, he doesn’t seem to be greedy with his positive fortune.
And with him reacting to Qrow joking with him in the manor, that was honestly delightful. Not just because it’s someone else who can theoretically understand how their semblances impact their lives, but it’s Qrow giving just as good as he’s gotten from Clover’s jokes or comments. I think it makes more of an impact on Clover than we were shown. Anyone can say good luck and mean it, but Qrow says it and it’s different. Because they’re both aware of the man’s relationship with good luck, and I think that’s why Clover’s so amused there, why he brightens. Almost like he’s proud? I guess I just like the thought that they can learn something from one another, that the world can still surprise them at their ages.
I adore the mentor conversation. Qrow seems to internalize his doubts and grievances, so it was nice to have it spoken aloud (especially since he couldn’t exactly go back to drinking away those feelings, and the fact he admitted that so easily also warms me.) And while the amount of time they’ve known each other is a mystery, it’s nice to see Clover had a good enough read on him to tell him that Qrow’s doing a fine job despite everything going against him. Bad luck semblance or not, I like to imagine that the kids are lucky to have Qrow with them, despite the ups and downs that happened during the journey. Especially with Qrow working on improving himself and making amends, however slow going they may be, having his expertise is just as important an asset as his company. With how that relates to Clover, him telling Qrow he’s lucky in that sense when others aren’t struck me as Clover not being so fortunate to have someone to guide him. I don’t know if it was the tone of voice or the flow of the scene, but it sounded something close to loneliness. An accepted loneliness, sure, but I wonder about it.
I like to think Clover definitely has moments of where he questions if something happened due to his luck or because of the effort put in, or whatever other factors involved. It’d probably be hard not to, even if it ends up in a positive outcome. It’d probably lend itself to some paranoia or maybe even a sense of depression, which I think helps in how he seems to understand some of where Qrow’s coming from. To Qrow, it’d probably seem close to a slap in the face to hear that having constant good luck could be a bad thing, but I think there is some merit in positives and negatives being on both sides of their coin. In regards to his outlook, there’s some merit there in settling into one’s situation and having it be the only thing you’ve known, especially if it isn’t necessarily challenged. I like to think his cockiness stems from knowing his fortune, knowing his limits, and knowing that he’s an esteemed importance to those he serves. I like to think he’s earned it simply because it never sounded like it came from a bad place, or a place where he was on a pedestal looking down. Granted that’s just my interpretation but Clover is definitely a character I’ve enjoyed seeing people interpert differently. The creativity is inspiring.
Well, um, I hope this suffices? I have to say, I’m a bit curious as to why you came to me with these, but I’m not ungrateful. It’s been really nice, and hopefully someone enjoys these rambles. Feel free to talk with me anytime, on anon or otherwise - and thank you, again. <3
#Asks#Anonymous#RWBY#Clover Ebi#Satari rambles#This got so long and I apologize for that#I'm surprised at the attention I've gotten on here today#But thank you!#This was really nice to write out and think about
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how is my muse typically seen by others? does it ring true to who they really are? does their reputation matter to them? meme.
dennis’ perception of himself is in sustained, near-perfect opposition to the way he’s perceived by others. the only thing that he and those around him are consistently agreed upon is that he’s an asshole.
one of the show’s runners is that dennis — to an extent greater than the rest of the gang, now that mac is out of the closet — is in denial about most aspects of his life. whether it’s a result of ignorance or make-believe varies from case to case. here’s a handy list of things that misalign:
dennis thinks he was well-liked in high school. “you always acted like you were better than everybody else, but then you’d just go and you’d hang out with (mac) or (charlie) under the bleachers or behind a dumpster or something. it was… it was really weird.” he wasn’t well-liked in high school.
he thinks he’s in great shape. see: “charlie work,” in which he is the only character to break a sweat carrying out the same tasks (if not arguably fewer?) as everyone else. see also: “the gang gets invincible” (he can barely run a lap), “the gang chokes” (he can’t catch a basketball; he has to be carried home by mac).
and healthy in general, which he certainly is not. reference just about any episode for proof of this.
widely: believes that he’s an asset. specifically: that he’s needed by his sister dee, and that as a result of this he’s in control of her life. as shown in “the gang broke dee,” not only does dee not need dennis, dennis very much so needs dee.
the rest of the gang can get by just fine without him, too. it’s a while before he faces this truth.
believes himself to be of such high intelligence that he’s superior even to his limited friend group. see: “the gang hits the road,” wherein dennis is the butt of the joke for his series of poor, life-threatening decisions. see: “the great recession,” “dennis gets divorced,” “flowers for charlie,” “mac and dennis buy a timeshare” … you know what? all of them. every episode. he is extremely foolish but determined to lead.
is genuinely of the belief (at least until the “high school reunion” two-parter) that he comes across heterosexual. he never has and never will give the impression of a straight man.
psst: all characters are welcome to catch on to this.
there’s much more but this was already very long!
dennis’ self image is dangerously skewed. he’s viewed as irredeemable, unlikable, unattractive* (*not by all, but he thinks his looks are universally admired), unhealthy, and a little bit worthless. he sees the opposite on all counts!
his idea of what his reputation is matters to him. it doesn’t much matter what he’s told about himself — he’s a “golden god” until he decides he isn’t a “golden god” anymore. his real reputation, which is as a vain, untrustworthy, aging strange and silly man, doesn’t entirely register. he will publicly ignore, then privately question a person’s judgment of his character.
... short answer: he seems bad, he is bad, he sees it differently. his pretend reputation is immensely important to him.
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So my sister said she wanted me to nominate her for Queer Eye if they ever take the show to Canada kind of in a half joking way and she’s like “so they can teach me how to dress hahaha” but like she dresses fine mostly I don’t imagine there would be a lot to do beyond superficial tweaking of decor and her wardrobe and honestly the real work would be Karamo or somebody digging deep with her emotional issues and workaholic tendencies but she’s in a sensitive place recently (read: constantly) so I did not bring that up but instead replied focusing on what I see as the secondary issue which is her cooking.
And she got lowkey Mad. Now she doesn’t poison anyone or anything but she also doesn’t ground herself in the basics, at all. Her baking is hit and miss because she will not try a standard recipe a couple times then tweak it, but try to tweak as she goes before she has a handle on the expected outcome. She will grab a new recipe and just go for it without any test runs. She’ll insist on doing big important meals, then serve half-cold roasts, potato salad with potatoes that are still crunchy, and baked goods that people just avoid based on looking at them and realizing intrinsically they’ll be a disaster. Her worser outcomes she just won’t serve so she’s aware to some extent, but I don’t know why she doesn’t practice these things even in small batches. It’s great if your friend’s mother showed you how to do a thing one time and let you help her and wrote down the recipe for you four years ago but you have never made it on your own so maybe give it a dry run before Easter Sunday, huh?
My theory is this feeds back into her self-esteem issues because she won’t justify trying anything fancy for just herself, but wants to just jump to cranking out fancy dishes as crowd-pleasers and even though she’s a perfectionist I can’t seem to get her to grasp the importance of practicing, here.
I’m at my wit’s end because she will commit effort and time in other things to the point of she’s gonna have a breakdown any day now, but seems entirely blocked from being able to devote even a portion of that to the patience with herself she needs to get where she clearly wants to be.
Anyway so we disagreed and she thought if I nominated her it’d be all funtimes with Tan and Jonathan and Bobby and I’m like no your priorities are Karamo and Antoni and you’ll start crying within thirty seconds because your problems all stem from skewed perception of your own self-worth and that will not remotely be addressed by a feature wall, a French tuck, or flossing. Antoni, tell her she is worth cooking good food even if it’s only for herself. Karamo, tell her her value doesn’t lie solely in what other people can wring out of her.
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