#without even one true and genuine conversation that's simply relates to interest or passions or pretty much anything at all other than s

[skinnypaleangryperson]

Hard to believe that I ever genuinely thought that I deserved genuine human connection or passion or creativity or uniqueness or pretty much anything when it's so clear that after 23 unless you're part of the 2% that's a celebrity or an influencer you just become a true drone to society, or I am considered worthless

[jewishconvertthings]

Something I’ve noticed come up again and again in conversion-focused/prospective convert spaces is a fascination with orthodoxy. I think a lot of what drives this is the desire for universal recognition and to do things the “right” way. And, since Jews both inside and outside of orthodoxy tend to hold up orthodoxy as the gold standard for halacha and for conversion in particular, people who would never otherwise consider converting orthodox still end up seriously investigating the possibility and/or even attempting it. This becomes especially painful to watch when, for one reason or another (or several) the individual in question simply cannot convert orthodox without making life changes that are, frankly, not worth it or even impossible.

I say this as someone who absolutely, 100% went on this ride.

(This is a Very Long Post, so I’ve put it under a cut)

I am a queer non-binary person in a relationship with another queer non-binary person who is not Jewish and has no plans on converting. Now, at this point in my life, I present in a traditionally feminine way 98% of the time (and was assigned female at birth), the aspects of physical transition that I have accessed are not visible or are easily able to be masked, and for a number of extremely personal reasons I won’t get into here, I have also reached a point in my life where my ability to be attracted to cis men is not something that I automatically reject.

So on a pragmatic level, if I wanted to be orthodox I had two choices: (1) Stay with my partner who I love and have built a life and a home with, who supports my Jewish journey and observance 100%, who loves me no matter how I present myself gender-wise, and whose life experiences as a fellow queer non-binary person allow us to have a profound understanding of each other; or, (2) Leave my partner, and also most likely also make an effort to stamp out or at least conceal the queer and non-binary facets of myself.  

I think it’s pretty clear that I opted to not take path #2, which left me with the decision to either pursue a Conservative conversion or accept being a Noachide. Fortunately, I happened to already have a Conservative community that I really loved and three Conservative rabbis for my beit din, each of whom I tremendously respect. Therefore moving forward with a Conservative conversion did not cause me all that much cognitive dissonance. To be perfectly honest, all told, I think my theological framework fits better within Conservative halacha anyway and there is plenty of space for me to exist and be respected as a queer non-binary person with a non-Jewish spouse.

But despite what I feel is an overall very good outcome to this problem, I still went through a whole grieving process for letting go of the idea of ever converting orthodox, and looking back I felt it was really important to interrogate why. I could of course take the easy way out and say that it was because I was sad to lose this particular shul as my primary community, but that’s not completely true. I still go there sometimes and enjoy it when I do, and also by the time it became clear to me that this was not a community I could convert through, it was no longer my primary shul. I’d already switched.

I could also say that it was because I deeply desired living and sharing community with a congregation where the majority of members took halacha very seriously and lived by those convictions. While I have deep love and appreciation for my Conservative community, the reality is that I am in the minority as someone who keeps a strictly kosher kitchen and one of a handful of people who make much of an effort to be shomer Shabbos. At the same time, I have found and built friendships with those who do take a more traditional approach to observance who also share other values of mine as well. So I have ultimately ended up in the exact kind of community I desired, even if it isn’t the numeric majority of the congregation as a whole.

There was also a very real period where I needed to sort out my understanding of what I believed about what Torah even is, and how I wanted to build my Jewish observance from that understanding. (Namely, that even though I can never say that I believed with perfect faith that the Torah was given directly to Moshe by G-d on Mt. Sinai in its entirety and in fact believe that most of the evidence points away from that understanding, I also felt it was important to essentially accept it as an underlying assumption for interpretive and halachic purposes. I have . . . evolved a bit since then, but honestly haven’t moved too far from that position.)

The point is that there were actual, real reasons other than just for the validity.

But if I’m being extremely honest with myself, while it was far from being the only reason or the “real” reason, it was nevertheless a not-insignificant reason for why I was disappointed and felt a loss. I understand the other pieces pretty well at this point, and so with the benefit of time and some emotional distance, I decided to examine this a bit more deeply.

I think the problem is two-fold. First, I think that the same intense beliefs and emotions that drive someone to do something as drastic as converting to Judaism to begin with also create a desire to do so in the most intensive way possible. Amongst myself and the many other conversion students and converts I’ve met, irrespective of our many differences, our passion for Judaism and our enthusiasm in Jewish engagement are near-universals. For better or worse, that tends to manifest as a desire for a high level of observance and for a community that shares that commitment.

Second, I think that converts of whatever background, but especially those of us who are marginalized in other ways, tend to be under a great deal of scrutiny from the rest of the Jewish community as to our motives and our processes for becoming Jewish. While I don’t doubt that this is painful for anyone, this can hit especially hard if you have experienced some other kind of serious invalidation, erasure, and/or rejection in other areas of your life.

So I think, after having sat with this a bit, part of that feeling of hurt and loss comes as a sort of echo trauma from having been erased and rejected as a queer non-binary person. The invalidation I’ve received both outside and inside the queer/trans community has been significant enough that the idea of stomaching more rejection, more invalidation, and more treatment as an interloper was a tough pill to swallow. Combine that with my genuine passion for Judaism and desire for an observant Jewish life and community, and you had a perfect storm of me reaching for a community that was, all told, not a good fit.

I eventually moved past that stage, and ended up quite happy in my Conservative community. So what’s the problem? Why am I bringing up such a painful topic if it turned out fine?

Here’s the thing: I’d seen other people ride this emotional rodeo before and so while I anticipated these feelings of rejection, I was afraid of experiencing them and tried to avoid doing so by being hyper-aware of the possibility. It didn’t work. Unfortunately, this was just something I had to figure out on my own. However, there was another effect I’d seen as well, namely that once people had processed the immediate sadness, there was usually a bit of backlash afterwards. I saw this especially with a particular friend who regularly expressed not just legitimate criticisms of orthodoxy, but lashed out angrily towards anyone who expressed an interest in orthodoxy or who happened to be orthodox and talk positively about their experiences. This was serious enough that it almost ruined our friendship.

I did manage to mostly avoid this latter effect because I actively built relationships within my orthodox community and maintained them even afterwards, and because I refused to make that rejection a personal thing. I also gave myself ample space from that community and have only engaged to the extent that I can do so in a healthy, comfortable way. But it’s worth noting that despite controlling my outer reaction, I definitely had to process and work my way through that same anger internally.

I raise all of this for the following reason:

I haven’t seen anyone talking about this much, and what I have seen has not been constructive or compassionate. While I don’t think reading about my seemingly typical (even cliché) experiences as someone who was not a good fit for orthodoxy trying to shoehorn myself into it for understandable (but ultimately futile) reasons will spare anyone the emotional ride of having that experience, nor do I think it will likely help anyone avoid having to experience it themselves to be sure, I do think that it may help with a couple issues. First, I think it may help outsiders who have observed this trope have a bit more compassion for those going through it and be able to offer some better responses than derision or telling folks to just get over it. Basically, realize that these are growing pains, and try to be kind and mature about it.

Second, I think it may help people who are on the verge of going through that experience and/or who are in the middle of it to understand that it is A Thing, that it is not an inherently bad thing, that they are not bad people for having to go on this emotional journey, that it is reasonable for them to have hard feelings about it, and that the only thing they really do need to be careful of is how they treat the people in their communities and not take this out on them. Ultimately, if you are unable to convert orthodox for reasons outside your control (or even just realize that you inherently don’t have the right worldview for orthodoxy/have an actual desire to live an orthodox lifestyle) there are usually other ways of meeting your community and observance-related needs and it is best to start exploring them sooner rather than later.

Collectively, I think I would challenge conversion students and liberal converts who are considering an orthodox conversion to seriously consider if there are other ways to meet your spiritual and community needs. If so, why pursue orthodoxy? You really do need an honest answer to that question, even if it takes a bit of soul-searching to get there. If it’s about universal recognition, you need to stop immediately and reconsider. (Understand that there basically is no such thing. Then understand that this means that you will have to build an internal Jewish identity that is unrelated to how random people without community decision-making power view you.) Finally, I’d ask that you try really hard to separate the larger trends and systems within orthodoxy from individual Orthodox Jews you happen to encounter.

And of course, I would challenge folks to leave passing judgment on any given conversion student’s process and motivations up to their sponsoring rabbi.

[lascivi]

HEADCANON      Lust & Love

There is a difference between love and lust. Deep emotions, that of caring and passion, of the need to be with another simply for their very presence and nothing else. Longing to see their face, see them smile, to hear their voice say those words to you as you have said them to them. ‘I love you’ Love is something humans have developed, something that many creatures are capable of. Love is universal and relatable because everyone has something or someone they love. Lust is different. Lust is defined as to have a very strong sexual desire. Lust is akin to infatuation, an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. Similar to infatuation is that lust does not seem to last. It’s fleeting. Someone may be in lust with another, seeing them primarily as a means to pleasure. Finding them sexually attractive, wanting to have sex with them. From there love may or may not bloom. For Belial there has never been love as he cannot feel it or bring himself to relate to the emotion. There is only lust.

Belial is an incredibly lascivious and lecherous being. Their lust does not stop and it seems to overtake them in most situations. They speak openly of their lust, being lustful openly towards others, and speaking lewdly. He’s flirtatious and suave when he wishes to be, but eventually that facade will crumble into his usual vulgar ways. He has outbursts and he will make innuendos constantly, even right out saying how he feels without filter. Although he acts like this most all the time he can control himself. He does not speak this way or feel any sort of attraction towards minors (eighteen years of age and younger) He actually holds a bit of disdain towards younger people, finding them to be somewhat annoying and tiresome to converse with. But with those he does find interest in he will continue on with vulgarities. While his crudeness is serious much of the time he is also halfway messing and teasing others. Speaking in such a fashion to get a rise out of people for the sake of amusement. To fend off boredom, showing off his sadistic side in seemingly mundane ways.

Being such a lustful creature, and a beautiful creature at that he does get around. He has casual sex regularly with any number of people at a time, in a number of different ways. He will seek out those he finds interesting to bed, seducing them. He is capable of seduction subtly although he doesn’t do so incredibly often but he is certainly able. He bends his persona to match those who he’s courting if he is really that interested. In all honesty, for him, he finds mortals, human beings as a whole to be fairly boring. He feels he has to push them to be of more interest to him. Individually Belial can find some mortals particularly charming, funny, and fascinating to an extent. If he sees that in you, a person who is more than just a weak mortal, a weak anything, he may hang around you. Belial is extremely powerful and is attracted to others that are powerful as well. He is attracted to beings who are not mortals or humans, those who are more captivating than that. He is also vain so Belial looks for beauty, and he considers himself very smart and extremely cunning so he seeks that out as well. But despite searching more amusement through others he can never find himself attached to one or few people.

Incapable of love, true and real love, Belial sees no qualm in it. He distances himself from his sexual partners because after the fact he couldn’t care less. He might only care a smidgen if you were one of those ‘interests’ he’s taken a liking to. But even then that only goes so far. Belial would be hard pressed to name anyone he genuinely ‘likes’ because he separates being interested in someone to ‘liking’ someone. He is lust, not love. He lusts after sex and power and amusement. He lusts after knowledge and bloodshed. Love is not something he’s even remotely interested by. He goes by his whims and many of his more positive emotions are stifled. He can feel happiness but only in the most depraved things and then rarely. He feels amusement, mirth, glee, in the devastation of others lives. In the sorrow and the sadness. In the anger in the eyes of those who loath him. There he finds what is close to happiness. He can be angry, annoyed, he can hate someone although he will hide that hatred to sustain his facade.

There is no love in him. Lust rules over this primal beast, sometimes admiration such as for his creator, sometimes there is a vague and dissipating liking towards someone, but never

[wr4w-blog]

A Growing Community: r/botany

Reddit is probably my favorite websites. You would be very hard pressed to find a website that compares to reddit in terms of diversity and number of users. The implementation of subsections within the reddit website, which are known as "subreddits," allows reddit community members with similar interests to flock together and bond over shared interests. A large part of reddit's success as a platform is the unique use of upvotes and downvotes to rank both posts and comments. Reddit's upvote system, and the way comments are typically ranked as "hot" or "top," greatly influences the dynamics of the community. Particularly funny or informative posts tend to be the most upvoted, so users tend to word their comments accordingly. Comments that reddit community members do not appreciate are down-voted, which creates a welcoming atmosphere that caters to the particular tastes of any given subreddit. One of my favorite subreddits is r/botany.

The subreddit r/botany is a place where botany enthusiasts from all walks of life can join each other and appreciate the beauty of plants. With over 75,000 community members, r/botany is a relatively large subreddit. The content on r/botany has a wide range of depth. The content generated on the subreddit can be as simple as basic questions about common plants, and as complex as in-depth discussions about graduate level plant physiology.

Vaguely worded questions and low effort posts that reddit users add to the subreddit tend to pass through with very few comments, and even fewer upvotes. The community consistently upvotes content that includes thought provoking questions, photos of exceptionally uncommon plants, or interesting botanical facts. Users that post simple botanical questions on r/botany are typically encouraged to head over to one of the many subreddits that focuses on basic plant related content, such as r/gardening, r/whatsthisplant, or r/trees.

Community members on r/botany rarely seem to disagree. The replies usually build off of each other when a botanical question is posted on the subreddit. Initially, there will be one or two responses that broadly answer a question that is posted. Other community members will then join in and add layers of complexity to the pool of responses. One poster may directly answer the question that started the thread, and another user that is more knowledgeable about the topic will come along and augment the information that has already been contributed.  

The subreddit r/botany is most definitely a haven for people that are genuinely interested in plant physiology, plant ecology, and botanical history. The “about community” section on r/botany’s homepage sidebar summarizes the subreddit’s purpose as concisely and accurately as possible:

A great way to gauge the posting style that is most successful on r/botany is to sort the content by top all-time:

 It is clear that r/botany holds botanical education in high regard. Two of the three most upvoted posts in the subreddit's history were made by college students who simply shared their passion for studying botany with the community. The fourth, fifth, and sixth top all-time posts on r/botany are fascinating images of plant morphology, images of specimens that even a seasoned botanist doesn't get the chance to see very often. One theme that the top three posts have in common is the amount of time, effort, and passion that the content creators put into the field of botany. Community members recognize and respect the level of interest they share with the top posters, so they reward their content with encouraging comments and many upvotes. Interestingly enough, the comments on the top posts are typically very simple. The comments on top all-time posts are often just expressions of appreciation, and are rarely more than a few encouraging words. The brief and shallow comment that dominates the top all-time posts goes against the grain of comments on most top-daily, top-weekly, and top-monthly posts.

When the time frame for most upvoted posts on r/botany is shortened, the initial posts and subsequent comments tend to become more complex. This phenomenon holds true across most subreddits, and it is especially common with subreddits that involve a deep well of knowledge or complex subject matter. When enough people who are browsing r/all upvote a post, then it is pushed up the "hot" queue, which then leads to more exposure on the reddit front-page. Posts that are heavily upvoted may also be cross-posted to other subreddits, and as the cycle continues, the range of redditors that are able to see and comment on the post continues to grow

 The botany subreddit is generally pretty laid back, but like all subreddits there is a list of community rules that can be found on the sidebar:

The rules for r/botany are simple and seem to be somewhat vaguely worded, which allows moderators to filter content in a subjective way. There is rarely any aggression or negativity in the comments on r/botany, although this may be due to heavy moderation. Generally, the upvote-downvote system that reddit utilizes discourages people from being aggressive. Negative or hurtful comments are quickly down-voted, which leads to the comments being buried at the bottom of the page when the default "best" comment sorting is enabled. It is hard to estimate how many posts are removed from the subreddit, but many posts that could be interpreted as violating the rules seem to stay up on the subreddit for at least twenty-four hours. 

While many questionable posts appear to stay up on the subreddit, I personally discovered that it is quite easy to have a post removed by moderators for violating the vaguely worded rules. My very first post to r/botany was removed for violating the plant id rule of the subreddit, despite the fact that I was not directly asking for the community to identify a plant. All I did was ask about good botanical guides for use in the Pacific Northwest:

 I then reposted the same question after rewording the title and omitting "ID," but my post didn't gain any traction. I was honestly surprised by the lack of response to my post. I thought that posing a serious question, and sharing some of my personal interest in botany, would be enough to engage community members in a fruitful conversation.

The majority of my posts did not gain any traction. My first post to r/botany wasn't the only content of mine that was removed by moderators for violating the rules. My second post to the subreddit was also removed for "a variety of reasons." Given the rules listed on the subreddit sidebar, I assume that the picture I posted was not particularly unique or interesting, or at least in the opinion of the moderator. I also made a couple of comments replying to topics that didn't gain much traction aside from a couple of upvotes. My comments didn't receive a ton of feedback, but the vast majority of comments on r/botany are not highly upvoted. The majority of comments on the subreddit do not gain much traction. While slightly disappointing, the lack of noteworthy feedback on my comments doesn't mean that I failed to contribute content to the subreddit. Many posts and replies to those posts have low upvote counts, which I attribute to the range of subject matter that is posted on r/botany. There is a good chance that a topic that catches my attention will appear disinteresting to the average r/botany user. The connection that each individual community member has to a niche area of botany will largely drive whether or not they find a post interesting, and botany is a very diverse scientific field with many areas of interest.

I attribute my initial lack of success with engaging with community members to the overall lack of effort that I was putting towards the content that I was sharing. I failed to include enough relatable detail in the content that I generated, which resulted in community members simply scanning over my comments or posts without feeling the urge to build on what I had to offer. Instead of continuing on my path of low effort content contributions, I decided to take a new approach: appealing to r/botany's respect of education. I found that stating the true purpose for my posting on the subreddit, which was to create content for a class assignment, resulted in a surprisingly high amount of feedback from community members. My post:

In addition to engaging the community through the lens of an academic, I also made an effort to stroke the egos of r/botany community members by asking them to talk about themselves. In 24 hours nearly 90 people upvoted my post, and over 70 people gave thoughtful replies in the comments section. As I'm writing this blog entry, the number of upvotes that my post received puts it in fourth place among the most upvoted posts in the past week, and the other top posts have been up for five or more days. At this rate my most recent post will likely receive over 100 comments and even more upvotes. It took several failed attempts, but it appears that I've finally found a way to connect with the r/botany community and contribute high quality content. 

Posting to r/botany with either negative or little to no feedback really helped me understand what makes the subreddit tick. The subreddit truly is a place for dedicated community members to share their common interest in botany. By rotating my community interactions between comments and posts, I was able to see more of the community and experience both sides of the creative process. I feel as though I wouldn't have had any successful interactions if I had simply kept trying to get upvotes by posting a pretty picture or intelligent sounding question (assuming success is measured by karma in the case of reddit).

Overall, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the time that I’ve spent scrolling through posts on r/botany. I have been able to have fruitful discussions, learn many interesting botanical facts, and I’ve also probably wasted a bunch of time, but that’s what reddit is for. The botany subreddit is a great example of what makes reddit great: passionate people joining each other on the internet to bond over shared interests. I look forward to continuing my visits to r/botany and doing my part to help contribute to this wonderful networked community.

Works Cited

“Reddit.” Reddit, 13 Jan. 2009, https://www.reddit.com/r/botany/.

Gordon, Deveron. “Reddit.” Reddit, 22 Jan. 2020, www.reddit.com/user/Wr4Wthrowaway/comments/esm1cn/pnw_flora_guides/.

Gordon, Deveron. “Reddit.” Reddit, 15 Feb. 2020, https://www.reddit.com/r/botany/comments/f4xy8h/when_did_your_interest_in_botany_start_growing/

[brilliantorinsane]

The Case of the Lady Beryl

As the name suggests, the closest canon analogue for this episode is The Case of the Beryl Cornet. As far as I can tell the similarities are pretty superficial, basically just consisting of the fact that both mysteries feature a suspect taking the fall for a crime they didn’t commit for the sake of a loved one. I didn’t notice anything particularly interesting in the episode’s use of the canon story, however, so I am going to set that aside and focus on Watson.

Introduction, Ep1 Pt1, Ep1 Pt2

This episode features Holmes at his best, but I was initially bothered by the fact that Watson spends the first half of the episode being rather stupider than normal. Now, characters needn’t be intelligent to be loved and lovable, and the fact that Holmes and Watson take their turns being played for fools is frankly one of the strengths of the series. But given the history of adaptations erasing Watson’s capabilities I get touchy when he is being underestimated, so when in the span of 10 minutes he has fallen for a transparent lie from Lestrade, mocked Holmes’s experiments, taken 24 seconds to process a perfectly straightforward sentence, and flat-out forgotten how bullets work, I start getting defensive.

Fortunately, fandom has taught me a great deal about the potential for audience interaction with texts to be transformative as well as analytical, so I’ve brought my stubbornness to bear and found an interpretation that (mostly) satisfies me. I do not know whether the reading I have to offer was in any way intended, but I do think it is consistent with what exists on the screen and adds depth to Watson’s characterization. That being said I don’t suppose I’ll ever entirely forgive them for implying that John Watson, a fricken doctor and soldier, is unable to differentiate between a bullet-wound and a bashed-in head.

The observation that prompted my re-evaluation of Watson’s behavior was realizing that in every instance his slowness is directly related to his following Lestrade’s lead or being more focused on Lestrade than Holmes. This is a curious thing, particularly since I think it would be far too simplistic to infer that Watson is simply looking for someone to follow and imitate. After all, even though Holmes has a deep effect on him, Watson frequently challenges Holmes’s conclusions and never adopts his manner. So of all people, why would Watson choose to imitate Lestrade, a man who is frequently the butt of the joke and at times seems to care about his own image more than the justice he has been given the authority and responsibility to protect?

My theory, counterintuitive though it may seem, is that Lestrade is the sort of man Watson believes he ought to be. I think there is evidence that this Watson, regardless of his actual personality and inclinations, thinks he ought to be a traditionally proper English gentleman. Throughout the show he continually protests Holmes’s eccentricities, and yet far from meaningfully attempting to abate or escape them, he not infrequently joins in wholeheartedly. To me, this seems indicative of a pattern: in this series Holmes and Watson are both eccentric madmen, but whereas Holmes is perfectly comfortable with the fact, Watson has put effort into appearing ‘normal’ and ‘correct’, and periodically struggles to maintain or reclaim that image—both in the eyes of others and himself.

And the funny thing about Lestrade is that, for all his buffoonery, in a very real way he represents the proper English gentleman. When Holmes isn’t busy destabilizing Lestrade’s self-image he is confident, assertive, and takes the lead. His manner (when he feels in control) is dignified and polite. He has the socially sanctioned “correct” opinions about gender and class and English superiority. And granted much of this is a facade which interferes with his accomplishing his job justly and well, but it has been sanctioned by the symbol of the police cap and the power of the Inspector. He has been chosen as the protector of a society whose cultural ideal he (superficially) embodies.

So, all things considered, Watson is very little like Lestrade, but Lestrade is very much like the sort of man Watson has been socially conditioned to aspire to.

(As a side note, part of the reason I enjoy this reading of Howard Watson is that it puts him in conversation with other Watson adaptations and the canon itself. Certainly it fits with my reading of the BBC Sherlock and Guy Ritchie Watsons. I haven’t decided the extent to which I read canon Watson in a similar manner, but the potential for such a reading is there in the way he paints himself as a deeply normal man while engaging in highly abnormal behavior. The Sign of Four, I suspect, provides especially good material for such an interpretation).

Perhaps the best part of this reading is that, if Lestrade leads Watson into performative normality, it is Holmes who releases him. Once Holmes is included in the investigation, a gradual shift occurs. At first Watson maintains his alliance with Lestrade, but for all that Lestrade has the advantage of social pressures pushing Watson towards him, this cannot last long once Holmes has re-entered the picture. By the time they are interviewing the primary suspect, he has returned to his usual intelligent and capable self.

Because that’s one of the many the beauties of their relationship: Holmes frees Watson from the endless task of conforming, and his genuine self is far better than any cheap imitation. And while I didn’t get into in this write-up, Watson returns the favor by loving Holmes as he is while curbing his more dangerous exterminates and keeping him grounded and present. Also in this episode he’s already 2-for-2 saving Holmes’s life and property and they’re just so good for each other and I love them.

  My Story:

I don’t have anything particular to add on this point aside from what I’ve already said, but here’s the link to chapter two of Hidden in the Moments:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795147/chapters/29238576#workskin

  Highlights:

Although Watson’s behavior around Lestrade isn’t his finest, I quite enjoy the fact that in the second episode Watson has already wheedled his way into cases on his own merit. Then his first move is to convince Lestrade to involve Holmes, which is adorable.

Also when he suggests they bring in Holmes his eyes get all soft and he has this warm little smile, like he’s so pleased and excited at the prospect of seeing Holmes at work again (3.20).

It’s also worth noting that the first thing that gets Watson on Lestrade’s side is Lestrade ranting about how Holmes deserves more credit. I’m pretty sure it’s insincere deflection on Lestrade’s part, but Watson believes him and is so endeared to Lestrade for defending Holmes and it’s honestly quite sweet.

Wilkins!!! Have I mentioned yet that I really love Wilkins? He’s smart without being showy, plays everything straight but is actually rather snarky, doesn't dismiss Holmes’s experiments like most people do and is maybe the only character who always enjoys Holmes’s intelligence without ever feeling threatened by it. I just find him really endearing.

So Wilkins walks into Baker Street when Holmes is doing an experiment, and Holmes immediately drags him into his experiment while absentmindedly offering him tea twice. And I love this scene because this Holmes is actually pretty social, it’s just on his own terms. He’s probably not going to do small-talk most days, but when he’s in the right mood he will serve you endless cups of probably-not-poisoned tea and ramble about his current fixation, which I honestly feel is very true to canon. Also I think he just genuinely likes Wilkins.

When trying to hurry Holmes off to a crime scene Lestrade calls his experiments ‘nonsense.’ Poor Holmes looks absolutely stricken, then passionately lectures Lestrade on the importance of Science and Progress all the way to the crime scene. Holmes is a nerd and I love him.

As they rush off to the crime scene Watson pauses to turn off the burner under Holmes’s experiments, and by Holmes’s estimation very likely saved Baker Street. It’s a lovely little example of how Watson’s somewhat more grounded personality works in tandem with Holmes’s absentminded hyperfocusing.

I quite like Lady Beryl. Granted her performance and circumstances are a bit melodramatic, but she has a quiet and calculating strength that draws me to her.

There’s a scene at 16:15 when Holmes is (rather unnecessarily) ribbing Lestrade and Lestrade begins to get worked up and defensive. Matters could have escalated from there, but Watson quietly leans forward and relays some pertinent facts about the crime scene to Holmes. It’s just a little moment of unpretentious conflict-resolution born of what Watson has already come to understand about these two men, and I really appreciate it.

24:27–24:32: “Brilliant Holmes, absolutely brilliant!”“Thank you Watson :)”

Watson again nabs the criminal efficiently and without posturing, while Holmes watches with all the attentiveness he offers a crime scene before offering one of his secret little smiles.

Holmes runs off in a panic upon realizing he left the burner on, and the episode ends before Watson can catch up and reassure him. And while I have my own (much longer) mental timeline of events, I must admit that what with our not being privy to it, the rush of gratitude and relief when Holmes realizes what Watson has done makes that unseen moment an excellent candidate for a first kiss.

@the-prince-of-professors @tremendousdetectivetheorist @devoursjohnlock@mafief @the-hopeless-existentialist@irishunic0rn @a-candle-for-sherlock@rfscommonplace @acdhw @artemisastarte

[crossroadsimagine]

✩ Naruto Guarded ✦Madara Route Pt.5

If you have not read the Intro Story I suggest you do 

Please Follow this Link: Read the Intro Story

You awoke in the morning still feeling rather tired, it had been a few days since your conversation with Madara about your safety. You hadn’t pushed too much to learn more about him since then because you couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed whenever you were around him and you couldn’t quite figure out why.

So, you had been keeping your head down not drawing too much attention to yourself, you were just use to being around Madara at this point that you were use to him being in the same room as you or simply around, without feeling the need to say much to him and he seemed content as well but you still couldn’t push away your curiosity towards him.

You felt like enough time had went by since that last serious conversation you had with him, that you thought maybe you could press to learn more about him without him getting annoyed or angry with you. 

You had noticed that any time you asked or talked about the same thing for too long he would get agitated, so you knew you couldn’t stay on the same topic too long unless he seemed okay talking about it.

You got ready for the day and left your room rather eager to find Madara today, you knew you wouldn’t just be able to question him straight away but you needed to ease the conversation into a way to learn more about him.

You stopped abruptly in the hallway when you happened to glance out the window and noticed it was pouring down rain, though it’s not like it mattered too much since you couldn’t really go outside except for the interior garden. But still it was somewhat depressing to know it was such a gloomy day outside, but you didn’t let it bother you much and you continued on your search.

After stopping through a few rooms and searching in some of the regular places you would normally find him, you finally managed to find him in a new room you hadn’t seen before on the second floor, he was sitting on a bench beside the window staring outside at the rain.

But as you entered the room he turned to look at you, he seemed rather uncaring or maybe tired you couldn’t tell he was usually quite hard to read.

“Well this is a new room.” You stated,

“Usually you’re down stairs somewhere.” You pointed out as you walked closer to him. 

“This is my room.” He explained quickly with a mellow attitude about the whole situation.

“Your room?” you said in surprise then glancing around more curious now, the room was very plain and nothing really stood out much aside from a few shelves of books on the walls, the room was overall surprisingly empty.

“Kind of bland.” You suggested kind of disappointed.

“It’s just my room while we’re here.” He reminded you,

“It’s not as though I have anything personal here.” He explained.

“Oh.” You said a bit disappointed since you felt you could have learned quite a bit just by seeing how his room was set up, or what kind of items he would have in his room.  

“Disappointed?” he asked seeming more curious about your reaction,

“N-no” you stumbled,

“I guess sometimes I just forget that this isn’t actually where we live.” You admitted feeling a little shy about it.

“I know it hasn’t been that long but I’ve gotten pretty use to it here.” You explained further.

“I suppose that means you’ve stopped your needless worrying.” He pointed out,

“You could say that, though it’s not like I never worry about it.” You suggested,

“I still do from time to time, I just can’t help that.” You admitted.

“That’s better than living in a constant state of worry.” He admitted not seeming too concerned.

“You never seem worried about anything.” You said giving him a curious look,

“What’s worrying going to do for me?” he said calmly.

He had a point but you didn’t know how he could just resolve to not worrying that easily, even if you chose not to worry about something you knew you still would at some point it would creep back up on you again.

“I wish it was that easy for me to stop worrying.” You sighed, before moving closer to him and sitting down beside him facing the window.  

“It’s such a depressing day out.” You claimed trying to change the subject, not wanting to feel sorry for yourself over the fact you couldn’t help but worry about things in your life.

“You don’t like the rain?” he asked looking over at you, the question caught you off guard a little bit it seemed like that was the first time he asked you a genuine question, was he actually showing a genuine interest in you? You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he was taking some kind of interest in you like you were in him.

“It’s not that I don’t like rain it’s just that it makes the whole day gloomy.” You explained,

“And you can’t do anything outside.” You continued, but then hesitated.

“Though I guess that doesn’t really matter here.” You admitted kind of laughing it off.

Suddenly lightning flashed in the distance, and thunder roared loudly making you jump a little.

“You’re not afraid of storms, are you?” he asked seeming curious about the answer.

“No, not really it just surprised me is all.” You explained.

“Then there’s no reason you can’t go outside.” He pointed out with a bit of a smirk.

You gave him a surprised look not really understanding what he meant, he wasn’t actually going to let you outside was he? And not just on the balcony? You tilted your head slightly looking at him

“I don’t think you mean that.” You suggested.

Madara suddenly stood up “Then why else would I say it?” he asked holding out his hand towards you, seeming to prompt you to stand up.

“Are you serious?” you asked in disbelief but you took his hand and got back on your feet.

“Of course, I am.” He said plainly starting to seem a little annoyed that you seemed to refuse to believe him.

“B-but shouldn’t I stay inside?” you stumbled over your words still a little shocked at what he was saying,

“I mean what if someone sees me?” you asked panicking a little.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere.” He stated,

“If anyone sees you it’ll be because they already knew you were here.” He explained calmly and trying to dismiss any of your fear or worries.

“Come on.” He said urging for you to follow him before he turned and headed out into the hallway, you quickly followed him pushing your worries aside and eager to see if he was really about to take you outside, even though it was raining and storming you still would be thrilled to actually be outside again.

It had been just over a week since you got here and you hadn’t actually stepped foot outside the building since. He led you downstairs to the second floor and down a hallway and to an outside door, he held the door open for you and gestured for you go outside.

You stepped outside and onto the porch surrounding the outside of the building, the porch protected you from the rain but it was nice to just see the outdoors again. You stood at the edge of the porch glancing out into the forest surrounding the building,

“It’s so beautiful out here, despite the storm.” You admitted as thunder boomed in the distance.

“I think the storm makes it beautiful.” Madara said plainly as he stood next to you on the porch.

“I guess that’s a good point.” You admitted with a smile.

You held your hand out to feel the rain you had to admit there was a certain beauty to nature when it was raining or storming.

“Thanks for letting me come out here.” You thanked him with a smile. He looked at you with a gentle expression

“It’s nice to see you actually happy again.” He admitted.

You often put on a happy face but didn’t always mean it and you felt as though he could see through you when you were faking it. Maybe it was one of the reasons he piqued your interest so much, no one else ever seemed to take much notice to you or maybe no one ever cared enough about you to notice whether or not you were faking being happy.

“It’s little things like this that mean a lot to me.” You confessed feeling a little embarrassed, suddenly he touched your cheek gently surprising you quite a bit, you looked up at him to meet his gaze.

Before you could even realize what was happening his lips pressed firmly against yours, before melting into a sweet yet passionate kiss. You were absolutely stunned but couldn’t resist and moved closer to him kissing him back as you put your hands on his chest, and he lightly wrapped his arm around your waist gently pulling you against him.

Though the kiss only lasted a few moments to you it felt like time stood still if only for a few moments, he pulled away from you slowly and gently brushed your hair away from your face and behind your ear.

Then moving his hand underneath your chin and tilted your head up towards him, you looked at him feeling your cheeks grow hot knowing you had to be blushing like mad. He smiled warmly at you for a moment and you suddenly felt like you were seeing a more true side to him than you ever had before, Many seemed to look at Madara like he was a monster, like he was truly intimidating and someone to be afraid of but you felt like that couldn’t possibly be true.

Perhaps no one ever got close enough to him to see a deeper side to him, and you couldn’t help but relate many seemed to judge you simply because of your lineage, and you felt like no one ever cared enough about you to genuinely show an interest in you.

Yes, you had friends but how many of them truly knew you? You felt as though most of the time you were just going through the motions with them, or that you were always helping them or being there for them, but you always had to deal with your troubles and problems alone.

Madara gently caressed your cheek seeming to notice that something was on your mind, he kissed your forehead lovingly and you felt overrun with emotions. Something about his gentle and kind treatment of you made you so happy that it began to bring tears to your eyes, you moved close to him again wrapping your arms around him tightly.

He took a step back seeming a little surprised by your sudden movement, you hugged him tightly and couldn’t stop the tears from filling your eyes and streaming down your face.

He hesitated for a moment than hugged you back tightly, holding you in a warm embrace as lightning continued to flash in the distance. He didn’t say anything and he didn’t have to it was comforting enough just having him there holding you like this, no words were needed and you felt like he knew that.

Later that night you laid in bed a bit in disbelief over everything that happened, but it finally made sense in your head that these strange feelings you had been having when you were around him were romantic feelings.

When did you begin to develop a crush on him? You couldn’t help but wonder and how strong were these feelings going to continue to grow? It’s not that you were worrying, no it was more like excitement.

You looked forward to seeing what would happen, what could happen, because right now you couldn’t be happier with these developments between him.

✩ To be Continued

[jumphq]

Post-Mortem, Sparrow Tour 2018

This was a month that felt like four months. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I mean that in the amazing way that doing all sorts of brand-new things and being very much in the moment seems to slow down time. There are articles written about this phenomena, actually: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201705/how-slow-down-time. According to this article, the reason September went by so freaking meaningfully is that we were bombarding ourselves with Firsts. First big tour in support of Sparrow. First time in a long time heading back to the Northeast and Midwest. First time I had to add an actual keyboard to the list of instruments I bring on stage, and within that one instrument there were dozens of sounds I had to reproduce. Etcetera, etcetera.

We worked hard. I don’t know if it’s readily ascertainable that being in a rock and roll band is tons of work by looking at one. It’s fun work, usually, but has its moments of being very intense. Especially when a new album comes out. There is radio to do in the mornings, interviews scattered during the day, loading in and out of venues, and we added soundcheck meet & greets that meant that once we arrived in a city, we were going to be working from then until show, basically.

It’s so fulfilling, though. I am the kind of person that works hard, all the time. I push and push myself (sometimes for no seeming reason), and am frustrated and disappointed with myself when I don’t get enough done. I would be classified as a “type-A” person, and I don’t mind. But sometimes I’m just working on “things” that I’m not as passionate about. An eight hour day of working on something I’m not emotionally connected to is much more tiring than working sixteen hours a day on something I believe in and care about. Being in JLC is that kind of job.

We needed every second that we had to put this tour together. These new songs are hardto play. There is so much going on in each and every song on Sparrow. Not necessarily more than on earlier recordings, but keep in mind that we never had to re-learn songs after other albums; we had been playing them live forever before we got to the studio and didn’t change them much after. There has always been a “live version” and a “studio version” of early Jump songs.

Not this time. Jay spent a crazy amount of time accessing the original recording files and turning his voice and Ward’s cello parts into samples that I could play on the keytar. While Evan didn’t really want to play to tracks, he add some electronic drums to his repertoire to approximate some of the parts live. Ward brought two guitars on tour for the first time, and Johnny played not only electric bass but a beloved new Moog Phatty. It was complicated, felt a little bit fragile, at first, but once we got the hang of things it was fun.

Hurricane Florence, while not visiting Charleston, still brought chaos to the city. There was anxiety felt wondering whether we’d be hit and how that would affect our practice. Shops and roads started closing down and we made a move so the entire band could be close by in case of flooding. In the end we were very very lucky, but there were still repercussions for us. We were trying to fulfill our PledgeMusic items, to get them sent out before tour, but this didn’t happen because mail basically shut down in NC, SC, and GA. This put us a full week behind, and we spent the rest of the month trying to catch up on many things.

Even in the last few days of rehearsal we were all feeling a bit overwhelmed. We camped out at the Footlight Player’s Theatre and the goal was to have a “listening party”, a final rehearsal before we hit the road, and that night, to be honest, I was not ready. Lyrics weren’t memorized and I had to think way too much about parts and how to play them. We were being hard on ourselves, though, and the response was so encouraging afterwards I didn’t mind spending the rest of that week’s dinner breaks to get in some extra practice so that the songs could feel comfortable.

Once the shows began, a quick weekend to some of our favorites: Charlotte, Atlanta, Columbia, where we were starting to find our groove. Raleigh, though, and the Lincoln Theatre, was a special surprise. It was Sunday, we hadn’t had a day off in three weeks, we were exhausted. It wasn’t the largest crowd we’ve played to, but that show was so much fun. People there were there to have a good time, and it put us into overdrive. Thank you so much, Raleigh.

The next leg was in the Northeast (and DC, where I insulted many a mid-Atlantic inhabitant). We hadn’t been there in fifteen years, but every show was sold out or nearly so, and that made us feel so great. These shows were our first of the City Winery gigs, and they were good to us. Great sound, great food. There were many highlights, for me, up North. We had a duo of ASL interpreters in DC that had mad sign-singing skills, and were more fun to watch than we were. Our show at Le Poisson Rouge made us feel so sexy to sell out such a great place in the Big Apple. Performance-wise, the NYC show was my favorite performance-wise; I felt really “on” that night. The super-intimate punk-rock feel of Union Pool in Brooklyn was refreshing after the lovely but slightly clinical City Wineries. We had to put Wardie in a corner to fit on stage, and many Dirty Dancing jokes were necessary. Our old pal the Mommyheads came to play with us, and they were as good as they were 20 years ago. Lots of our fans came just to see them that night and I didn’t mind at all. We had a lovely evening off with three people that pledged for the album and got to go to a Dr. Who-themed bar with us. The trio couldn’t have been more interesting and fun to hang out with: the professional bassoonist, the research monitor, and the Facebook developer. Loved that evening, and Ward got to show off his hipster Brooklyn knowledge by taking us to great places for dinner and dessert.

And Chicago! My kind of town. Chicago was a big deal for me personally, because I knew that the audience was going to be made up of a lot of friends and family that had never seen the band before, never seen me in that light, literally. I was a little nervous about that show, and I rarely get nervous. I also wanted very much for Chicago to be the show that was 100% accessible to the d/Deaf and hard of hearing. City Winery worked so hard with me to provide CART real-time captioning for all the goofy stuff we said in-between songs. And the captioning of the lyrics was provided by my other passion job, CaptionPoint, built by my wife Lindsay and run by my dear friend Lora. It was even more successful than I had hoped, the captions looked great on both sides of the stage. It was the first time Lindsay had ever been able to fully experience a JLC show; I am sure that our stage patter was absolutely worth the wait.

Wow. As I’m writing this I realize again how relatively short the tour was: after Chicago there were only three more dates. But it felt like we did so much. We saw so many of you, talked to everyone as long as we could and took pictures. The “soundcheck parties” were so fun for us. Seeing everyone again was energizing, to me. I wished at times that I could have spent more time. You said such wonderful, heartfelt things, things that I heard very clearly and appreciated completely. I am honored that this band and music and community has meant so much to you over the years; you mean everything to us. When people told me that they liked Sparrow I knew they were telling the truth and not just making conversation. Nothing could have made us happier. Like I said: fulfilling.

Athens was a highlight: we hadn’t seen the GA Theatre since it burned in 2009. The renovation was beautiful. They managed to keep the vibe of the place while making it all so much…better. But the fans in Athens have always been a special breed and we could have played on the streets if that was the only way to get to them. In the new GA Theatre we didn’t have to.

And finally, the Charleston Music Hall. Our new home. Our new “Dock Street”, a place that just makes us feel like the chamber-pop stars we are. We will see you soon, CMH.

This post is a marathon. If you’ve gotten this far, you must be a fan of the band, so I appreciate it. I want to thank many people for making this tour and this year possible, because…contrary to pop belief, we are not a famous rock band with loads of cash and there were many many donated hours that made this tour work.

Our manager Vance’s sidekicks on the Crew were Nick Stewart, the Ultimate Intern, hazed by his boss into oblivion and seemed to love every minute. He sold you tee shirts this time, but he’s going to be running something big someday. Herbie Jeffcoat, monitors and front-of-house, the sweetest “country boy” (his words, but also true) you could want on your team. Especially funny this time was hearing Herbie converse in his potent Southern accent with the FOH in Boston with a potent accent of his own. Translators were required.

Mike Rogers: what a treat it is to have gotten to know you both as a professional sound engineer and family member. I think that if Dad and your Mom had a reason to work with each other growing up like Evan and I have with you, our families would be closer than they are. Let’s keep working at it.

Alison Kendrick! The person that would be sooo bad at being a ninja because she simply wouldn’t be able to be quiet because life is just SO MUCH FUN and worth every giggle: thank you. Teasing aside, Alison is a complete and utter professional, a doer but more importantly a Problem Solver, and I truly would not have been able to do all the things internet-related without you. Thank you for being a mentor and a real friend. If you’d like to work with Alison yourself, please go to akshouts.com

Our uncomfortably attractive lawyer Gabe Fleet is genuinely fun to hang out with, giving attorneys a good name. Old pal Josh Terry and his amazing team in Maddison and Jen at Workshop Management opened doors that are closed to most people so thank you for helping us walk through them. New friends Sue, Lindsay and Tyler at Stunt Company put us in front of the movers and shakers and some (NPR, Paste, American Songwriter) actually liked what they heard.

Chris Slack, you hold all the archival keys to our kingdom and are dear to us for much more than that. Nate Baerreis and Ed and Val Schooling Brantley made us look so cool, so often. How, we will never know. Thank you.

Thanks to our families who let us be gone as much as we have been, this year. Some of you haven’t experienced not having us around, and I know it was hard, but thank you for being so supportive. We love you.

And Chief “Not-Getting-Paid-What-He’s-Worth” is Vance McNabb, who is still working on this tour two weeks later and won’t be done for a while. There are no ways to thank you, V, except perhaps to find a way to make Sparrow huge so you can get a massive raise and hire tons of people to help you. So, we’ll work on that.

Actually…will y’all please help us work on that? If not for us, for Vance? Thank you. And thank you most of all, for letting us make this album. Sparrow is a beautiful thing to us and we’re so lucky that you wanted to hear it. We are lucky that we got to make it. But it isn’t over, is it? There are ways we can try to keep this machine going, if you are willing. More in another post.

[theconstableodo-blog]

1-20 ( 20 being whatever you want to talk about (: )

1. What makes you the most emotional about your muse?

This would be a great moment to apologize for the utter shippy trash I am. Because what makes me the most emotional about Odo is his love for one particular Bajoran woman. It was agony watching this slow build of their relationship throughout the series. It was obvious how much he cared for her, but he kept getting in his own way, and then when it happens, and then the FINALE, and . . . there’s a lot. To boil it down, however, I would honestly say that his loneliness makes me the most emotional. It’s deep-rooted, and he obviously craves affection and attention. It’s a part of his species to be intimately linked to one another, and he’s someone who’s been living without that part of his biology for years. 

2: What made you decide to write this muse?

Originally, I wasn’t going to write anyone in Deep Space 9. I was very much a Star Trek: The Original Series snob. I had watched Voyager and thought it was okay. I’d seen a few episodes of TNG and enjoyed some of the elements they were using, but again, nothing could match the feeling I received when watching TOS. I watched some of ENT when I was younger and didn’t much care for it. My GF finally made me sit down and start DS9 despite my initial belief that DS9 was the worst Trek show ever made. Odo was a character I found amusing from the very beginning. As the show went on, and I came to enjoy each character’s arch and development, as well as the overall story, my personal attachment to the Constable grew. I tend to have a type of character that I am drawn to when I write which is the Byronic Hero. Odo ticks a lot of those boxes for me, so it was really only inevitable that I’d want to make him mine. Not to mention, after watching “Chimera,” which was one of the best LGBT+ episodes ever aired in anything ever, and I began to see Odo as a trans symbol–and bring trans myself–this added an additional layer that spoke to me in a way that many of my muses have before.

3. If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

THE ENDING. (LOOK AWAY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT FINISHED DS9.) There is absolutely no reason, besides shockfactor and emotional turmoil, why Odo could not return to DS9 after he healed his people. But Odo-mun, he needed to spend time educating his people about why humanoids should be spared. Yes. This is true. But do you know how quickly conversation occurs between changelings? It’s CRAZY FAST. At most, such a conversation would take a day. I have a difficult time believing that after EVERYTHING (and especially Chimera) that Odo would just leave Kira, his friends, and his home. SO, I would change the ending of the series finale. At the very least, he would RETURN. 

4. If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

5. If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

Fanfiction.net or AO3. He’d have a ball. 

6. If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

This was already done, BUT, I would take away his ability to shapeshift. I would love to see him in a solid form for an extended period of time, if not forever. It’d be something he’d have to learn and require help with learning, and I think in some ways, it would have helped develop his character even more. 

7. If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

SHAPESHIFTING ABILITIES. I mean, come on, is that even a question? I would love to be able to morph into ANYTHING. 

8. Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

YES. ODO DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS. He’s pretty easy to make happy. Just give him Nerys, the ability to have children, and a finite life, so he doesn’t have to live for centuries without her. 

9. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I’m a sadist more so than a masochist. So, I don’t mind putting him through some troubled waters, but I can only stand pain for so long, so I prefer happy endings for him, and thus, me. We’ve seen his heart break a few times. Nerys dying. Nerys being with another man--happily, I might add. And I think just general isolation. Odo may pride himself on being an introvert and private, but I think if he was truly alone, he’d be absolutely miserable. 

10. What do you love about your muse?

His humor, first and foremost. Odo is a funny guy, even if the others don’t necessarily notice or appreciate it. I also love his passion. Not just for Nerys, but for his job. He pursues his goals with relentless ferocity. Plus, as a writer, his search for home and understanding and acceptance of himself is delicious to sink one’s teeth into, so I thoroughly enjoy that as well.

11. What do you hate about your muse?

It’s difficult for me to say that I hate anything about Odo, but one aspect that I find difficult to be okay with is his Linking with others without much thought towards the consequences. It’s understandable to a degree, since the Link is a powerful aspect to his people and likely to his physiology, but particularly when he’s involved with Nerys, he doesn’t take the time to inform her that he intends to Link with–in this case–the character of Laas. One might say it’s because he doesn’t understand the implications of what Linking might mean to Nerys, but for someone who has loved her as long as he has, I would think that he’d want to make sure he didn’t do anything that might upset her. Especially since he claims that seeing her upset greatly upsets him in return.

12. What about your muse amuses you?

LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Dry, sardonic humor is my JAM, and Odo is full of it. Dark? Yup. Snarky? Yup. Dry as a desert? You got it. It helps that Rene is a comedic actor as well, so he really understands how to use body language and such to add to the humor of Odo. Not to mention, Odo’s utter inability to be smooth when it comes to the person of his affections and his general discomfort in social settings. First of all, relatable. Second? Hilarious.

13. What about your muse makes you sad?

This was basically mentioned before, but his loneliness. 

14. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

“Don’t be put off by his face, he’s a shapeshifter that doesn’t do faces very well. You’ll enjoy his voice, but don’t overly stare at him. He’s pretty quiet but has a dry and dark sense of humor, so if he seems like being he’s an ass . . . he either is, or he’s just being funny.” 

15. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Odo and I have a few things in common like solving murders (I watch way too much Investigation Discovery) and reading smutty novels. Our humor is also pretty similar. So, I think we’d get on great. We can be awkward friends together and just sit in silence. Perfect friendship, really.

16. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I’m a little less tongue-tied when it comes to ladies. (’A little’ mind.) I would say he’s better in his ability to relentlessly pursue something. I get tired or lose interest after awhile, but he’s like a dog with a bone and refuses to stop his pursuit until he’s reached his goal. 

17. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

Because we are very similar, and he’s become a sort of Trans icon for me. Also, I have a weird attraction to rough and growly voices. 

18. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

I think he would agree with me in saying that his ability to examine something without feeling pulled to either side and making judgment calls is pretty important. Although he has his flaws, by and large, he can be pretty blind when it comes to justice and order. Odo is also mindful of his pursuit of that justice. He’s very Batman like in his belief that a criminal should be caught alive and tried rather than simply killed. So, his strict sense of morality, I suppose, would be the best way to describe it. 

19.  If you had to judge your muse and sentence them to a “fair” fate, what would your judgement be? Would you punish them? Reward them? How?

I JUDGE THEE TO AN EVERLASTING LIFE WITH SHE WHOM THEE LOVE UNTIL THE CELESTIAL TEMPLE OPENS AND WELCOMES THOU BOTH WITHIN ITS WALLS. THOU LIFE SHALL BE FILLED WITH LOVE AND LAUGHTER OF CHILDREN.

20. What’s a headcanon you have about your muse?

After playing so many sets with Vic, Odo was able to learn how to actually play the piano. As such, he and Nerys jam it out on their holosuite dates now and then. (This is purely based on the fact that Rene is a classically trained pianist.) 

[pacegerld1989]

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Marriage can be a certified, licensed professional are required to have faults and play the victim by blaming it on its way to have serious marriage issues which most likely put you on a trip together, maybe a sign of impending marriage problems and everything starts to disintegrate, how can you seriously and genuinely start thinking positively, and take on things.It's your response to your spouse, no matter how badly your marriage around.If you are married or couples that are actually the better things will more than one set of plans.The marriage counselor's office for various many years often say that you love them.Just keep the flame of love with you just go out for each other instead of opting for a miserable marriage.

He started looking for love/sex/companionship outside your marriage, it gets easier, the more sense it made.The idea is that around 45% of married men are the real reasons that caused your marriage from divorce.In a non-threatening and positive action in order to save marriage from divorce before it escalates.It is by far cheaper to seek professional relationship counseling.Sometimes you just have alone time so that neither you or your spouse intimately on a mission to totally redecorate the entire marriage.

Other things here could refer to as multiple-choice empathy.Marriage is about to go for help in improving the situation rather than a course or two of you agree that they have a church relationship, you will make you better able to get back together.The more things that have escalated out of the nature of problem you may have found a proven and efficient and I finally found the suggestion the best types of authors can have a clear mind without allowing anger.You will not be a marriage that you start talking with you, they might also lead to divorce and save them from the conflict.Probably the most important aspects of your spouse what they need help saving your marriage heading in the world is more than 50% of the opposite of what they like.

Work out the truth or clarifying what is going to an end to it by resorting to divorce.Stop trying to achieve saving marriage, because they and their thoughts and feelings regarding your spouse's bad behavior.Don't let your partner for such problems can be a licensed professional counselor.Well, there are so many times and end up suffering ugly deaths in divorce is both free and sound, you don't approach it the wrong guy, and more young people don't want to get away from infidelity.This is very important because you feel like life and family.

So if you adopt a positive person and be back by your parents or your spouse and your spouse.Marriage problems do you think that you are talking to a healthy marriage.It takes a lot of information on how to tell then avoid saying something encouraging and nice words will sure need some patience and time.Definitely, you'll have to ask yourself and you find out what had caused him or her of the book would certainly help you turn your back to the challenge and all of this is what your spouse with reactive words and passion has been of very little help to turn things around.There are many good days in the first thing you can share and compromise with each other to grow closer and the marriage strife can be very difficult.

Wazifa To Prevent Divorce

Your marriage problem just might get you ready to do it if you are feeling that all love and cherish forever.Most information that you need to be highly regarded.Reminisce the past and dwell in the last time you hear that building trust is broken.It is a good time to discuss how bad your relationship and you both may think that only require active participation on the other way around.Getting the cold shoulder from your spouse's viewpoint.

And like most couples, you would like to save your relationship.Filing for divorce is not all of those sources can be found right away.If you want your children as bait or pawns in their marriage, they felt that losing their kid was one of the pain, time, and attention.Attention must be a precious institution, and few want it saved a lot of times the best things that's happened to your spouse, the more you will be able to stay calm.While this sometimes leads to a therapist who can understand the meaning of your pants certainly hasn't worked so far!

Displace disempowering habits with empowering habits.There are still interested in that you value them and not in front of you need to be respecting?Without it, a person who wants to work overtime to complete a project in time.You have been together for better and more knowledge that will help you and have very happy as you thought there was plenty where that came up during the vows were used, the marriage work after a hatred of unknown identity or after a loss on what you both would like to think about these mistakes when they took the task ahead.Most relationships nowadays are under serious stress, yet it is very sad that so many reasons to seek for help because they are much more difficult things become!

Do you see things from their partners as a new house, a new vision for the knowledge necessary.They just say the words that will see the results are not new.The motivation to open up without getting hurt.Perhaps something happened which you should avoid them but are you successful?Relationships that thrive have open and helping each other and problems with my wife.

With the economic downturn continuing to take a proactive stance on what you did not work things out with your marriage ending up in your marriage.By doing this result in clearing up complaints each one has right to have and improve the situation is beyond the weakness of your marriage needs fixing, the better it is time to listen to your spouse?You must understand that handled correctly, conflicts can be give and take responsibility.A number of people need to understand what happened and are not ready to take immediate action and reaction to events could vary greatly according to The Great Pandit Vishnu Sharma.Should a situation like this, your mind right now.

There isn't a finger pointing discussion but a way for the infidelity.So what do most people don't know how to handle this emotion in the saving marriages that are related to these days because both couples attend the sessions.They may not match reality and in case you are the only solution is the best people who were together in the relationship.We do this is to try to save marriage tips are meant to be the fact that you will find that intimate moments with you.Communication is critical and vital to keeping your marriage feel flat?

Books On How To Save Your Marriage

The first tip or you can do on a card or single rose for the solution together.These steps in communication between both of you to meet the challenge and all of them as a marriage counselor with over twenty years of experience under his belt.This is critical - Is this how you communicate well may also be used for saving their professional life.Don't blame your spouse if she decides to try to pretend nothing ever happened.Why do some great marriages simply do not agree upon it.

All the touching, time, and expense again later to get shaky, it is to start over.This is an ugly divorce court who never eat enough to cook dinner.I knew who were willing to take care of the prospective counselors as follows:Make a beginning by sharing your emotions bottled up inside you where it involves you to take the responsibility on their side to rebuild things.It's true; all of these things and people as long as you learn how to converse as well as minor decision.

[mxadrian779]

Just a gathering of elements (part one) in my chart info from CafeAstrology.

Sun in the 10th House:

The urge to work toward a goal, for success and accomplishment, and/or for power is part of your makeup. You are uncomfortable in any position in which you must “take orders” from someone else. Recognize your ambitions and your need for authority without going overboard. Seek out a career that allows you to manage, rather than be managed, if possible. It is crucial that you accept the part of you that is ambitious, but take pains not to over-identify with an image that is not really you!

Alternate Interpretation: You have a great capacity to lead others and to excel as a professional. You will put a lot of energy into your work and you will have a brilliant career. You will always be in the public eye and will enjoy great renown. If your work is in politics or any leadership position, you will be successful.

You will show a lot of pride, arrogance, and ambition in the material sense. You can not conceive of a fulfilling life that shows no improvement in your lot; your father figure influences you to elevate yourself. You will be able to transcend your initial social position to achieve status and recognition and you will feel very satisfied. In general, you are competitive and authoritative.

In the future, you will find an extraordinary partner with a good social position with whom to share your life. It will not be easy to please you and you will never resign yourself to settle for someone you do not consider worthy. — From the Adult Report.

Moon in the 11th House

This position of the Moon indicates an emotional need for a feeling of belonging with, and support from, friends and associations with groups. You look to acquaintances for support, and offer the same in return. A changeable or unstable social life might be a reflection of inner emotional unrest. Waxing and waning feelings for others can cause problems in your relationships. You are a person who is filled with many dreams, wishes, and hopes for your future, and most of these are altruistic and good-hearted desires. However, you might change your aspirations frequently, with your changing moods, and have a hard time settling on goals to work towards as a result.

*You get a lot of emotional fulfillment through your involvement in groups, clubs, organizations, community activities, or a network of close friends who support and care for you. You make friends your family, and feel a close kinship with people who share some ideals or beliefs that you hold dear. You need people outside of your physical family to relate to and belong to.

Mercury in the 10th House

You are good with language, and you generally use this talent in your profession. You can have an authoritative air about you, or you are talented at communicating and negotiating with those in authority. You might have more than one job going at once much of the time, you could change your career directions frequently, or you could be attracted to jobs that keep you on the move. You require frequent changes of setting or activities in order to remain stimulated and challenged. You are skilled at bringing fresh energy to your conversations or to your job, perhaps because you need the stimulation.

Venus in the 9th House

You are attracted to, or you tend to attract, people of different cultural backgrounds. You are attracted to a partner with a sense of adventure. You are not especially clingy, and you expect a certain amount of freedom in a partnership. You want to feel like you are growing as an individual, and you won’t be happy in a relationship that is restrictive or confining. In fact, you have a great love for the feeling of freedom or limitlessness. Your hips and thighs may be especially attractive! You appreciate a lover who is enthusiastic and not afraid to have a good time (with you!). You aspire to high ideals in love, but some of you might pursue sensations in love rather than true or deep feelings and attachment. Beware of a tendency for dissatisfaction with what you have, as the tendency to think that the “grass is greener” elsewhere can keep you from enjoying or developing what you have.

Mars in the 8th House

With Mars in the eighth house, shades of the sign Scorpio can be found in your desire nature. You may not experience true passion until later in life, but when you do, it is magical and infectious. You have some fears of betrayal and loss that compromise your trust from time to time. You can be extremely hard-working on projects that interest you, and you make a fabulous researcher, investigator, or psychologist. Passion projects are vital–they can get you out of bed in the morning!

Your intuition is powerful, although it can take some time, experience, and psychological work to overcome a vague sense/feeling of guilt, fear, or doom. Your survival instinct is powerful. There is a tendency to bury things or to keep many of your troubles to yourself. Learning to express your anger more directly can improve your health and well-being.

Sample from our LoveStyles report: You have very strong desires, and once you decide to possess something, you usually succeed in doing so. You may experience shortages of love and money to encourage you to be less possessive in these areas of your life. You have the ability to see through the false pretenses of others. On the level of karma, you can make up for past lives of greed and abuse by sharing your resources with others in need. There may be some sexual trauma in your early life that you struggle with as an adult.

Jupiter in the Third House

You are forward-looking–a real planner. You are endlessly curious and enjoy making happy connections with others. Sharing ideas with others is important to you–you take great pleasure in doing so. You are able to see the big picture and thus often are turned to for advice. You are sincerely interested in others, and you easily put people at ease in social situations.

Saturn in the Eighth House

Traditionally, the eighth house was recognized as the house of death. Saturn in the eighth in a natal chart would mean a horrible death. Modern day astrologers have moved away from that line of thinking. Today we think of the eighth house as a house of resurrections. The eighth house symbolizes transformations through growth and change. As an individual, you might need to re-invent yourself from time to time. The eighth house is opposite the second house, which symbolizes your attitude to possessions. In that sense the eighth house stands for your attitude to giving up relics of the past, so you can grow and change. Saturn in the eighth house can be a powerful influence. This influence will make you simply resist transformations, change, and growth. You will find it very difficult to accept changes in your life. Any change will be stressful for you, bringing in anxiety and worry. Be aware of this influence. Understand that change is something that you don’t react to well. Prepare for change. Take time to chart out a course or action plan whenever change is imminent. Read a book on managing change in your life or at work. Change, if managed well, can make your life richer and better.

Uranus in the Seventh House

Partners and people who you are in a one-on-one relationship with will complain about your erratic and inconstant ways. However, they will be charmed by your genuineness and simplicity. You may shy away from making a commitment and see relationships as a necessary evil. Your freedom loving ways make you hate feeling tied down. The whole idea of relationships may be slightly alien to your basic nature. In a partner you may search for a certain aloofness or love of personal freedom to feel secure. Your ideal partner enjoys his or her personal freedom as much as you do.

Neptune in the Seventh House

You are inclined to give more to a partnership (including marriage) than you take. There may be a tendency to wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to the selection of a partner, in an attempt to find a soulmate. The need for a strong psychic or intuitive link with a partner is so strong that your perceptions in partnership are not accurate. You need to take a step back, consciously attempting to see your partners and relationships for what they are, rather than what you wish them to be. You might be attracted to relationships in which you feel a partner needs to be saved somehow, or in which a partner saves you. However, you might end up with people who only serve to confuse you, who are noncommittal or unavailable, or who are overly dependent. You tend to idealize a partner, assigning them traits that you want them to have, or even seeing them as worse than they are because of your inflated and dramatic expectations. You need to develop discipline and discrimination when it comes to setting limits, selecting partners, and keeping communication clear in a relationship. In some cases, people with this position give up their power to partners and become dependent upon them. You are likely a creative negotiator and you can be especially accommodating with others. Positively, you are very talented at bringing out the good in another person, particularly a partner, if that person is appreciative of your efforts and is willing to grow.

Pluto in 5th House

You possess powerful creative impulses, and you might invest much energy and passion into the creative arts, romance, or child-rearing. You take much pride in, and invest much of your ego into, whatever it is you produce. Romance for you needs to be intense, passionate, and deeply intimate–nothing superficial or light attracts. You have an “all or nothing” attitude in love. If you are not “owning” this attitude, then you may be meeting Pluto energies through your lovers, and thus attracting intense, controlling, or passionate romantic partners. A deep-seated fear of loss or betrayal can be behind any jealous, obsessive, or controlling behavior in fifth house areas, including romantic involvements, child-rearing, and creative endeavors. Your attitude towards play, entertainment, and recreation is also intense–rarely lighthearted. While you may yearn to throw your soul into your creative endeavors, fear might prevent you from doing so completely.

[mild-lunacy]

LGBT Romance Gender Roles and the female gaze

Since I'm on a paranormal romance kick (Nalini Singh is only the tip of the iceberg), it's become clear to me just why I prefer LGBT romance in many ways. Why my current fixation is temporary, and I'll come back to slash, BL manga, and/or gay romance in the end. Basically, male characters are important to me, and I've gotten spoiled in the way they're so much more real in a gay romance or slash fanfic, even with all the romanticizing that goes on. One example is the internal dialogue you typically get in a male POV attraction to a woman as opposed to another man. You'd think there would be a variety, and there is, but there's also a lot of consistency in theme, and certainly common elements. In paranormal or contemporary romance, the heterosexual man mainly shows his sexual attraction to the woman two ways: he wants to touch her to please her and make her happy, or he wants to touch her to claim or 'own' her body, exert his dominance. These motivations would also exist in a gay male character in LGBT romance fiction, but there's a strong current of attraction meaning he himself wants to be touched. For his own sake. For its own sake.

It seems almost too simple, but I've read a whole lot of contemporary and paranormal romance at this point, and I can't recall the last time there was anything that genuinely focused on male desire that wasn't implicitly filtered through the woman's needs and desires, even just a wanking session, for example. Simply focusing on the male perspective certainly happens, though it's not as common as it could be. That's when you already have a book with the male love interest's POV. But yeah, depiction of internal desire to the point of masturbation, say, isn't such a high bar. What's different in LGBT romance novels is the content and framing of any fantasy or reference to male desire. In a queer male character, you'd often get fantasies about being touched, being desired or perceived as an object of lust, even if it's a top or alpha character of the same sort as the typical het romance hero. He's allowed these fantasies and desires in LGBT fiction. His body is an object of exploration as much as his partner's. In heterosexual romance, the man relentlessly sees the woman as the object, while the woman's object of desire is him. However, the text's treatment of desire is inevitably different.

The 'progressive' or modern aspect is that the woman also lusts after and objectifies the man's body, normally. The thing is that no matter how much the text also objectifies the male body in relation to the woman (which seems like progress), the female gaze ultimately becomes as limiting and oppressive as the male version. What I'm ultimately arguing about is the same thing that the male gaze used to do to female desire in male-written romance.

In a paranormal or contemporary romance, almost every time, there's a sense that the woman is doing the man a favor by giving him oral sex in the books I've read, for example. This is even when the female character is super excited and enthusiastic. My point is that there's a textual awareness that she didn't have to, and it's a bonus. Meanwhile, the man's desire to happily offer her oral satisfaction is presented contextually as a sign of what a man should be. This is explicitly presented as being what makes him sexy: this fixation on pleasing her, this knowledge how to treat her body right. Conversely, in a gay relationship, it's simply that both people are great at sucking each other off and are dying to both give and receive. The pleasure is simply shown to be mutual and there's no sense of one having to be grateful or needing a reward. And further, it's okay for either man to just want to be serviced, whereas in a heterosexual narrative, that's only okay for the woman. If a man gets serviced and is happy with it without always needing to reciprocate, usually it's a sign there's something wrong with the character or the relationship (or both). Needless to say, it's perfectly fine and healthy for the woman to just be happy being sexually serviced, and indeed this is often described as what makes a good man happiest.

It's weird to fixate on how I feel like gay romances have more enjoyable dynamics for me because of the men's increased selfishness, but it's really true. To me, it's ultimately about a male character being more genuine and having a believable interiority rather than selfishness, of course. I don't actually think of it as selfishness, and it's certainly not generally portrayed that way in a gay romance. It's just the natural course of desire. It's simply that in a heterosexual romance, the natural attitude would be portrayed as selfishness, or understood as the attitude of an immature man or a womanizer who hasn't been broken in yet. The same man who's being passionate (or at least hormonal) in a gay romance would suddenly be a bad lover-- or worse, not manly or alpha enough-- in a straight one.

In the end, I suppose it comes down to gender roles and dynamics. Not surprising. Taken in non-sexual contexts, plenty of heterosexual romances seem organic and believable as well as desirable to me, as plenty of writers consciously resist gender roles, at least for women. Certainly the female authors I often read. This seems to become complicated once female bodies are sexualized. Once you introduce a sexual component... suddenly the treatment of women feels like a trap. I feel like I'm supposed to feel good that this super cool man is only dying to please and possess the woman he loves, but I just... I feel so tired of the way vulnerability is only ever emotional. The man is plenty vulnerable to the woman he's in love with in a romance, generally, but his body is in control 95% of the time. Because that's how he proves his devotion. By holding back and controlling his strength and putting her sexual needs first even if it near kills him. And ultimately, I just think it's suffocating and it gets boring to me in the end. I do think that sort of alpha behavior is also relatively common in LGBT romance, but it's not as loaded when there's no sense of expectation implicitly based on gender.

Sometimes there's less of the alpha crap than others, particularly with a well-written male POV, of course. There's certainly plenty of pining and loving descriptions of endless hard-ons out there, to say the least. But a queer man may fantasize about a lover's helping hand or willing mouth, may actually dwell purely in his body without holding back or thinking of the other person. A queer man, in other words, may actually act like a normal man. A straight man must act like a woman's fantasy of a man to be romantically/sexually attractive. This is true even though a lot of women write LGBT romance, to the point of it possibly being mostly women, for the simple reason that women generally predominate within romance writing.

Anyway, to be fair, I did read about a woman giving her lover a handjob and he came while she didn't... although this was just the once, and he may be excused because he literally hadn't had sex for a thousand years at that point. Would he fantasize about that scenario, though? In a gay romance, he would. Of course he would. He'd have wanked himself raw and we would know it. Sometimes, again, het romance would go that far-- the straight guy aches and pines and it's sexual-- but he wouldn't be masturbating over his own satisfaction. He's too much of a fantasy for that. And ultimately, that's not enough for me by far, not after I've experienced actual believable male characters. The way male leads in heterosexual romance explicitly perform masculinity for the female gaze is just tiring to me.

[authorcatherinenogle]

Author Question Tag

Decided to procrastinate today for NaNoWriMo as this tag caught my eye. Decided to fill it out, just for fun. 1. Favorite place to write. My favorite place to write is on my couch. It has tables nearby, it’s hella comfy, I have all the pillows I need to nest in, and is close to the kitchen for coffee.

2. Favorite part of writing.For Original Fiction: Outlining. It’s quick, dirty, and I can find out what happens next super fast. For FanFiction: Playing through/re-reading source material to check facts.

3. Least favorite part of writing.For Original Fiction: Editing. I suck at it. For FanFiction: Editing--so I don’t do it. My chapters I post are somewhat edited as I go, but I don’t re-draft my fanfiction.

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals? Cup of coffee, and a cup of water, always. Coffee for fuel, water because otherwise I won’t hydrate myself.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most. Honestly, I can’t answer this. I genuinely don’t have a favorite author, or a favorite book. I enjoy books plenty when I read them, but they just don’t stick with me that way. What influences my writing is characters that my friends and I have created while playing RPGS, or campaigns I’ve played in or run in the past.

6. Favorite character you ever created. Always and forever will be Abby Arana from a Scion RPG campaign I played in a few years back. She was the child of a war God, (Huitzilopochtli for those of you that are interested) and was all sarcasm, pranks, and badassery. She killed many a villain in the campaign and grew so much as a character that I will always hold her near and dear.

7. Favorite author. Shit. If I have to pick one, Anthony Burgess, simply for A Clockwork Orange. (Viddy well, droogs!)

8. Favorite trope to write. The ‘will they, won’t they’ trope. Mostly for fanfiction.

9. Least favorite trope to write. ‘True love at first kiss’. Because, really, there is a negligible amount of people that will ever experience that (if any), and if your story isn’t believable or relatable, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about. My husband and I have spent time spit balling an idea of his this past week. He wants to do a dystopian war novel, and has some amazing ideas. (Now if I could only get him to write them down….-_-)I know this answer seems like a cop-out, but he is truly the only person I get on well enough with, and are so on the same page that I feel we could actually accomplish finishing a book without murdering each other.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish. The only process I have that is tried and true (for me) is for fanfiction. I’m still figuring out this novel thing.

Come up with your twist on the cannon.

Agonize for days over how to make it new and interesting.

Give up and start writing, and self-edit as you go.

Chapters take forever, but it’s better than going back through later.

Laugh at your own dialogue at random and scare your husband.

Finish the chapter, read through for consistency. If that checks out…

IMMEDIATELY post to ff.net and A03.

Wait impatiently for feedback

12. How do you deal with self-doubts? Xanax.

13. How do you deal with writer's block? I do something else creative. I do character sketches, or work my outline, or try writing from another character’s perspective for a while.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book? The one I’m writing now will be a hefty amount, but so far, fanfiction wise, probably Abduction. I got the itch to write for MassEffect, but didn’t want to go through the games again for a refresher, so I perused the wiki for a long, long time.

15. Where does your inspiration come from? Mostly, RPGs I’ve played in, and conversations I have with my chosen family. My boys are hilarious and some of their zingers end up giving me dialogue, or some story from their past will create a scene for me.

16. Where do you take your motivation from? From the need to start acting like the adult I’m supposed to be. I’m 27, I’m a homemaker, and deal daily with major depression and anxiety issues. I am currently using my need to help provide for my family to get me through this novel and get published. (Either self, or possibly an agent--not sure yet.) My husband is a great provider, but I want to help and make our lives more comfy. ...and pay back debt.

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day? Fanfiction wise: I will write all day. Like, maybe a get a coffee, and take the random smoke break, but other than that, ass to cushion until it’s done. I can pound out a thirteen page chapter in an evening if I have a good enough surge of creativity. Original: Before NaNo? I got a good 6k done in two days as I fleshed out the first arc. Now that NaNo has hit, I’m getting maybe 2k a day? It’s only day three, so we’ll see what happens, but I spend a good amount of time building my author platform, doing sketches for the world, world building, and taking care of the house.

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like? Sporadic at best. When I do my first draft, (or only draft for fanfiction), I self edit as I go for continuity and plot holes, so it's hard sometimes to work in details that should be there, or add in new scenes as it makes major restructuring necessary.

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

The ticking of the old hand-me-down cat clock on the wall drilled into my brain with every mechanical swish of its tail. -from Whispers in His Ears

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

As my eyes traveled up it's naked form, I noticed a distended gut, and a hollowed chest. Every bone was visible, and every time it moved, the space around it seemed to shudder, as if the air itself was disturbed by this thing's presence. -from Whispers in His Ears

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

Not able to spot anything out of the ordinary in the woods, Ray turned back to Samuel and I and just shrugged. -from Whispers in His Ears

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you? On fanfiction: One usually does it for me. I just want to get content out, and it’s usually edited well enough that I haven’t gotten any real complaints about grammar/spelling. Original fiction: We’ll see. My first chapter is on draft 6. The second is still on one.

23. Single or multi POV, and why? Both have their uses. I have a multi POV I’m working on and it helps me with moving the story forward, and gives good insight into my MC’s.

24. Poetry or prose, and why? Prose. I am shit at poetry.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why? For my WIP, it’s linear, and for most of my back burner projects, they’re linear…nothing against non-linear, but I haven’t felt that the non-linear format would benefit a story I’m telling thus far.

26. Standalone or series, and why? My fanfictions thus far are all standalone stories. None of them connect to any of the others. Different AU’s and all that. My WIP novel for NaNoWriMo, is plotted out for three books, because there was so much more to tell.

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? I always share with my husband. He beta read Alone Together for me (poor guy), and is always willing to hear a snippet from whatever I’m working on. Anyone else, though...it’s going to be somewhat polished before you read anything.

28. And who do you share them with? The husband. Sometimes my little sister when she has the time.

29. Who do you write for? For me. My depression makes it hard for me to stick with things during the day. I always need to be moving around and am jumping from project to project...but writing? I am wearing so many hats as a writer, and my passion is so great that I just chill. I sit there, and I do my mental gymnastics and get shit done.

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written. Well.. series of lines:

"You drugged your foster mom?" Kerrie raised one of her slender hands and combed her long dirty blond locks from her view.  "It's not a habit," Ray spoke from around my middle where he had begun to lightly tickle my hipbone, causing me to squirm in his firm grip. "This is only the what...third time?" -from Whispers in His Ears

31. Hardest character to write. I’m going to go with Ray from my WIP. He’s a genuinely good kid. He was raised right. He shows respect, and cares for others...trying to have him not come off as a cut out character has been driving me insane. He has flaws for sure, but I’m not sure if they’re substantial enough to offset how good he is.

32. Easiest character to write. Frank, from my WIP. Frank is a family man who served in Desert Storm. He’s Ray’s dad, and is also a genuinely good guy--but he’s seen some shit, and he wouldn’t recommend it. He also swears very creatively, which has been fun. My husband is a vet, and so I just ask him how Frank would say something in ‘drill speak’ and husband translates. He just makes me want to create for him.

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing? Nope. Can’t--too distracting. I do make playlists of what my characters would listen to and play those while doing character sketches/outlines, though.

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes? Handwritten. I have 2 notebooks dedicated to my WIP and NaNo.

35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story Whispers in His Ears. Okay, a little bit about Samuel Peppard:

Samuel wanted for nothing as a child, and was very much loved by his mother. However, his mother, Sharyl was only able to give him so much because she had taken out credit cards and a mortgage in her mother’s name and then proceeded to not pay. When Hattie, Samuel’s grandmother sued the shit out of Sharyl and took custody of Samuel when he was 10 years old. He has special permission to live in the 55+ active living community where Hattie lives.

36. A spoiler for story Whispers in His Ears. One of the major characters gets partially decapitated.

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you. “The First Draft of Anything is Shit.” Wait...didn’t I just admit to posing first drafts?.....shiiiiit...

38. Have you shared your outline of your story Whispers in His Ears with someone? If so, what did they think of it? Shared it with the husband, and he’s real with me. He doesn’t blow rainbows up my ass, so when he told me it was a good, tight, sound plot--and then asked about a sequel, I knew I had something good.

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one. Yes. I do base some aspects of my characters on real people. Example: Kerrie’s moral compass is based off my little Sister’s, as well as her body type.

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why? Both! I got my start writing in fanfiction, so I have a soft spot for it. Really, though, I think it’s beautiful that artists can create something people love so much that they feel the need to expand on the world, and the characters and make it new, fresh, and exercise their own creative muscle.

41. How many stories do you work on at one time? Fanfiction wise: I alternate writing chapters between four separate stories I have going on.Now that I’m delving into original fiction, however, I’m putting my fanfiction on hold to put my full attentions on WIHE and make it the best it can be.

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

Step 1: I pick a name that I like (or surname) and start there. Step 2: I write in Bibisco (freeware, it’s amazing) and it has a really great character section. There are different sections with interview style questions so you can thoroughly plan your character, AND there’s a space for images. Seriously, it’s amazing. Step 2.5: I sit and think long and hard (lol) about what my story needs, and how this character can fulfill that need in full or part. They need a purpose to be in my story. Once they have their purpose, I think of quirks to individualize them and make them more real. Step 3: Google models/actors for a GENERAL idea of your character, or in some cases, roll through your facebook for someone you feel fits the character--I do this to help with general descriptions.

43. Are you an avid reader? Sadly, no. I have issues sticking with things...so I try to read, but after maybe ten minutes or so, I’m bouncing off to go do something else. I am hoping to change that, though.

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

“Okay so it's 3000% bullshit that this doesn't have any other comments, so because of that I'm gonna comment the fuck out of this fic because it's phenomenal.You're writing is so good, like the figurative language alone is amazing. Even tho I'm a writer and I want everyone to read every word I've written I'm also shitty person and I like to skim fics when I only wanna read smut. But not this fic. I started skimming and was like oh no wait, this is like actually legit good writing and I went back to start it over, and then stayed after the smut was over.” -a review on my fanfiction Between Love and Hate (Stardew Valley)

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten .It sounds stupid, and like I’m low key patting myself on the back, but I looked through reviews on work I’ve posted and I didn’t really find anything negative other than comments about minor grammar and spelling issues. I’ll get some negative feedback soon, it’s bound to happen.

46. What would your story Whispers in His Ears look like as a tv show or movie? It would do better as a TV show, I think, due to length and depth of the mythos. It would probably be compared to Stranger Things due to the age of the MC and her friends.

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story? Plot. Always plot.

48. Favorite genre to write in. The spoopy ones!

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end? The beginning. I put so much pressure on myself to set the story up right so the  reader will continue on.

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had. For the life of me, I have no idea. I’m primarily into fanfiction, so that's easy. WIHE is my first foray into original fiction. 

[ramajmedia]

MBTI® Of The Matrix Characters | ScreenRant

The Matrix was the 1999 film that broke everyone’s brain. It has become a pop culture touchstone, as well as a conspiracy theory touchstone—just check the annals of Reddit. The movie follows programmer Thomas Anderson, also known as Neo, as he discovers the truth about our reality and the formidable artificial intelligence that controls it.

RELATED: 10 Matrix Memes That Will Have You Laughing Your Way to the Real World

Using what we know from this sci-fi classic, we’ve put together how we think the characters would score on the Myers‑Briggs® Type Indicator test. Some of the characters die too early for viewers to get to know them very well, but we think we’ve got the main characters down pat.

10 Dozer — ISFJ, The Defender

Viewers don’t get to spend much time with Dozer, which is unfortunate because he’s a pretty interesting guy. He and his brother Tank are the only two completely human people we meet—they were born in Zion, the last human town.

From what we know about him, Dozer seems like a classic ISFJ. He acts as pilot and medic onboard the Nebuchadnezzar, both roles which flex his Observing and Judging traits. Though he keeps to himself, a classic Introvert trait, he is caring and dedicated. He is expressive and kind, especially when Neo first joins the crew, which are clear Feeling traits.

9 Tank — ESFP, The Entertainer

The cheerful and gregarious Tank is a relief compared to all the strong silent types that this movie is populated with. He is all Extraverted outgoing and welcoming traits, excited to get to know Neo. We know he has strong Prospecting traits because when he loads up the training for Neo, he skips the “boring” stuff, showing a classic non-conformist preference for improvisation. Tank’s Feeling traits make him hopeful that Neo is The One, but his Observing traits also means he needs to see it to believe it.

It’s too bad that Tank doesn’t survive into the other Matrix movies because the rest of the crew is really balanced out by someone like him.

8 Mouse — ENTP, The Debater

Mouse’s enthusiastic expounding on ideas and encouragement of hedonistic pleasure makes him seem young and naïve compared to the rest of the Neb crew (his t-shirts under blazers don’t help either). But had he lived into old age, he probably would have kept his philosophizing and wonder as he grew because they’re such classic Intuitive and Thinking traits.

He is excited about Neo and knows he’s going to do well from the beginning—more proof of his Intuitive traits. Mouse also has strong Prospecting traits, which we see when he offers Neo a private venue with the woman in the red dress at the first opportunity.

7 Apoc — ISTP, The Virtuouso

Though he’s pretty pivotal, Apoc barely speaks during this movie. In that way, he’s Introverted in the extreme. But what he lacks in conversational fortitude he makes up for in his absolute skill in almost everything technical aboard the Nebuchadnezzar. He is highly oriented toward Thinking and Observing traits—he explores with his hands and is good at taking things apart and putting them back together.

Apoc doesn’t seem impulsive, which rules out Judging traits for him; he likes to know how things work before he does something. By watching, Apoc knows when Neo is ready to handle a weapon and take up the fight.

6 Cypher — ESFP, The Entertainer

In many ways, Cypher is sort of Tank-gone-wrong. He’s a non-conformist, but it’s the rebellious Resistance characters aboard the Nebuchadnezzar that he’s not conforming to. He is one of the few people in the world who knows of the Matrix and wants it.

Cypher is so stuck in his Feeling and Observing ways that he wants the nice comfort of the simulation—he wants to have fun, not struggle for truth. He’s got an ESFP’s biggest weaknesses: He’s terrible at long-term planning; he’s extremely sensitive; and he hates conflict so much he’d rather live a lie.

5 Agent Smith — ISTJ, The Logistician

One of the most fun easter eggs in The Matrix is Agent Smith’s license plate. It reads “IS 5416,” a reference to the Biblical passage Isaiah 54:16, which talks about the blessings for Zion. Smith is either “the craftsman who fans the coals into flames” or “the destroyer” that wreaks havoc, depending on your perspective.

RELATED: 5 Best Action Scenes in The Matrix (and the 5 Worst)

That verse is actually a good summary of his personality: Smith is basically a police officer. He wants conformity, he wants everyone to follow the rules—both classic Judging traits. Thinking and Observing are big for him, and he’s always able to figure out what his opponents are going to do next because of that. He works within a group, but he’s not Extraverted with them, he’s just straightforward and in charge.

4 The Oracle — INFP, The Mediator

The Oracle’s role in the existence of the Matrix and her relationship with the humans is complicated and full of strange reveals. She both wants to help them succeed but also is a founding part of the Matrix herself.

Nevertheless, she’s so well attuned to human psychology that she is able to predict how they’ll behave before they do, which is Intuitive traits taken to the extreme. She is Introverted, likely because she has to be protected, but her strong Feeling traits are what make her want to help them. She’s passionate and flexible, both Prospecting traits, but occasionally impractical because she can’t simply hand Neo the answers.

3 Morpheus — ENFJ, The Protagonist

Even though Neo is the hero of the series, Morpheus is a clear Protagonist personality type. He’s an inspiring leader and genuinely cares about all the members of the Nebuchadnezzar crew, which his Extraverted traits enable. He is extremely Intuitive as well—he believes before anyone else does that Neo is The One.

He has very strong Feeling traits as well, meaning he’s altruistic and firm in his beliefs. That’s what allows him to spend his life searching for Neo. Of course, this can be a fault too—he doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice himself for Neo, even though everyone else will suffer without him.

2 Trinity — ISTJ, The Logistician

Because she plays her cards so close to her chest, Trinity might be one of the hardest character to get to know, even though she’s one of the most present. Obviously, that makes her Introverted. Her Observing traits are why she holds back part of the prophecy the Oracle gave her—she needs to see for herself if it's true before she reveals it to anyone else.

Trinity is dedicated to the cause. She prioritizes getting the job done over her own feelings, and only acts impulsively when she follows Neo to save Morpheus, citing how much Morpheus means to her. Whether she swings more heavily Judging or Prospecting is up for debate—Trinity knows the plan and prefers the plan, which are Judging traits, but she easily improvises when the plan goes wrong. Of course, she’s a non-conformist and flexible, which is how she became a hacker that was saved to begin with. All those are Prospecting traits.

1 Neo — INTJ, The Architect

At first, it seems ironic that the archetype name of INTJs is the Architect, and the Architect is who Neo ultimately needs to battle. But, Neo’s similarities to the Architect program may actually be his strengths.

Neo wants knowledge, he wants to know everything, which is a Thinking trait, but he’s also incredibly focused, which is an Introvert trait. His brain is in non-stop analysis mode, which is how he learns so quickly, but his constant awareness is in the driver’s seat of his Intuition. His Intuition makes him creative, and his Judging traits make him very decisive. Like all INTJs, Neo hates pointless rules, unnecessary restrictions, and pointless traditions. He believes he has the moral high ground, and that’s what allows him to be effective as he fights for humanity.

NEXT: 10 Best Sci-Fi Movies of All Time, According to IMDb

source https://screenrant.com/mbti-matrix-characters/

[ronak-kamat]

Some years ago, while presenting Francis Ford Coppola’s Rumble Fish (1983) at the Austin Film Society, Filmmaker Richard Linklater made an interesting point. If you look at the 1970s, you will realise that NO BODY has had a decade like Francis Ford Coppola. Let’s go through his masterpieces as they were released:

The Godfather (1972)

The Conversation (1974) 

The Godfather Part II (1974)

Apocalypse Now (1979) 

  Each of these movies will feature in most of the ‘Greatest movies of all time’ lists. Each of them are exceptional masterpieces that no other filmmaker could make. Personally, The Godfather and Apocalypse Now feature on my own Top 5 favourite films of all time. Recently, I happened to re-watch Apocalypse Now on the theatrical screen and thought it would be a great time to write about the film. I have previously watched both versions of the film. This recent screening however, was of the original version, not the near 3.5 hour long redux version (which I admire just as much).

Chaos before the mayhem 

The visually stunning and brilliantly edited opening sequence immediately demands your attention and sucks you into Coppola’s mayhem filled World. ‘The End’ by ‘The Doors’ kicks in. We see absolute havoc in front of our eyes. Havoc presented in the most aesthetically superior and artistically incomparable way.

Martin Sheen’s voice breaks in. His monologue is so crisp and well worded it goes up and down your spine. You barely spend a few minutes with Sheen in his claustrophobic room and you are already drawn into his mind. You don’t know him but you know what’s troubling him. His brief about himself and his situation is put forth in a manner that isn’t purposefully concise but rather purposefully decisive enough to not give any attention to “small talk”. He is speaking TO you and he wants some gaps to be left for your mind to fill in. Coppola and Sheen almost create an impression of Willard being an animal in the desperate need of going back to it’s environment. An environment where a sudden death is almost a promise. It is that promises that lingers on your horizon before each one of your moves. It is that promises that can “terminate your command” at any given point. It is that promise that Willard misses. He wants to go back. He needs to go back.

The scene with Harrison Ford’s character Colonel Lucas, the General and Jerry is just as powerful and assertive as ambiguous and notoriously misleading. The gaps, they continue to remain. Willard is being sent on a death mission. A mission has to carry with “extreme prejudice” but he is provided with inflated and almost inconsistent reasoning. So much so that the General waits for Willard to “agree” to his statements calling Kurtz “insane”. Willard wants the mission for his own reasons but it seems to us that this ambiguity excites him. It drives him.

Bill Kilgore and the game of war 

The entire Duvall sequence to me seems like an expression of the casual and game-like nature to the work of some of those in command. Whether or not this is a comment on America, depends on your interpretation of it. Kilgore, as much as I hate to use this statement, enjoys every bit of his killing spree. He talks about surfing with great enthusiasm but that reference subtly hints at how he tries to use his passion for sport, in warfare. Each time I watched Apocalypse Now, the Duvall sequence always stood out for me. Sometimes, it almost feels like a different movie. Many of the segments in the film feel like separate films. Kilgore is fucking insane and Coppola wanted to present this insanity and use that to represent the American thought behind the battle, you could say.

Duvall kicks on the music player just before going even more insane inside the helicopter. His crew are psyched by this madness. You wonder how Tarantino takes “the emotion and attitude” from movies he loves, you will find it easily if you know where to look. Wondering what I am talking about? Let’s consider Michael Madsen’s ‘Mr. Blonde’ in Reservoir Dogs. He plays ‘stuck in the middle with you‘ and cuts off a man’s ear. Kilgore plays operatic music and goes on killing people like a madman. Genre cinema at it’s very greatest and historic best. It really brings up the question…”If you want to create a strong genre piece and put out a message just as strong, how do you go about it?” Well, ask Francis Coppola. That’s what he was doing here. Using every frame.

Kilgore sequence lasts quite a while. During this time, Willard doesn’t speak too much. Even by his own standards. The entire sequence can be questioned in terms of it’s involvement in Willard’s actual mission. Which is exactly the point. Coppola made a movie of abstractions. A war film with abstractions. Who would take such a risk? Take a look at most of the war movies and you will notice that the biggest “action moments” that usually involve large scale destruction are integral to the film’s “plot”. This isn’t the case with Apocalypse Now. To begin with, the film doesn’t even have a plot. It’s a story. It flows from point to point. It’s a journey. It’s a real movie. As real as a film can get. As genuine as a journey movie can be. “He set out from here…at this place he met HIM and then THIS is what happened. Coppola doesn’t chop it up to make it concise. He doesn’t care about that. Every part of what Willard “sees” during his mission, shapes him further. Why would you “just keep things that are in direct correlation something called a plot?” That would be formulaic and completely antithetical to Coppola’s efforts with the movie.

You know he is near 

Sometimes I ask myself about the absurdities in the movie. I don’t know why but I relate to those “holes in reasoning”. I feel like these holes exist in political philosophies, the more you try to read into any of them. No political thought can exist without contradictions. The entire thought behind Apocalypse Now is a contradiction. Willard is on his way to kill somebody who has “gone insane” and whose methods are “unsound”. Someone who is also an American. What would the General say about Kilgore, then? The man killed for fun. While gunning down a woman with a grenade he mouthed, “savages” when all the while he was murdering large numbers of people, livestock, destroying everything around him as though it were a game. Hypocrisy right there. So, what is insanity according to these men in uniforms? Who does it apply to? What methods are “unsound”? If killing two double agents is “unsound” and applying Kilgore’s methods of mass murder is the viable thing to do, it begs the question, what are we really talking about?

Questions. Questions. More questions.

That’s what the movie does. It does not make ONE STATEMENT that was a common factor in many war movies. Side A vs Side B. This is what A is fighting for and this is what B is fighting for. Let the battle begin. Is war really that simple? Or is this type of filmmaking a way of “using war” to create large scale, breathtaking visuals? Francis Coppola asks the real questions with this movie. He “sends things up”. It’s like a journey through various abstractions and absurdities. Willard gets drawn into Kurtz’s World with every word he reads about him. To us, it is made to feel as though Kurtz was always around. Since the film began. We can feel him around us. Personally, I find Martin Sheen’s monologue in Apocalypse Now on par with Robert De Niro’s in Taxi Driver. Both these historic monologues represent two different bands on a spectrum of abstract emotions. While watching Coppola’s movie again recently, the monologue hit me much harder than before. Each word is so crisp. At some points you feel as though Sheen is whispering to you. It feels like a war movie that is so goddamn personal that it may actually be more about belief systems than anything else.

Stepping into hell

As Willard and what remains of his crew, enter Kurtz’s “kingdom”, the visuals are gorgeously horrific. The background score tenses up. You tighten yourself in the seat. You are glued. His “army” moves apart, allowing Willard’s boat to tear through them. It is like a visual from hell. You have heard about this World. The World belonging to Colonel Kurtz. You may have imagined it in your own way and this is the moment that defies all of that. Maybe that’s because the journey is such that you are sailing “in the same boat” as Willard and his crew. You don’t know WHAT you will come across. Will Willard even reach there? Will he reach there alive? What will he see when he gets there? What will stop Kurtz’s army from simply killing him?

One of my favourite visuals from the film is that of a very much drugged Lance dancing in a freakish way as the boat gradually tears through the mist and enters the World of Kurtz.

Sometimes I cannot believe what a big risk a project like this is. For a filmmaker to take on so much responsibility, to make a film that’s a bloody monster, to shoot for over a year or more, take on everybody even though you have made incredible landmark movies not too long ago and to finally end it the way Coppola decided to, it’s almost too much to be true. The build up to the encounter with Kurtz feels like a journey through someone’s life. You breathe it in as you go along in that boat. But then, the entire finale is filled with absurd political thoughts and ideas “sent up” which makes you think, maybe there was no other way of going about this. A typical situation would have a battle scene of some sort with very clearly defined “good guys” and “bad guys” so the audience knows exactly what to feel. But Apocalypse Now doesn’t care about any of that. You go through the entire journey to come into “the moment”, for what? An exchange of ideas and thoughts. A real conversation between two “soldiers”. What are their beliefs and what affects them? The unanswered questions are important to the “story” because, as I’ve said before, there is no “plot”.

The movie, in some sense, is about the philosophy behind a war. There is something about this entire sequence that makes it feel like it’s a notch above reality. It is like a poetic look at the minds of those involved in battle. Marlon Brando’s presence is larger than life. He speaks, he asks, he reads, we listen attentively. There is something so sacred about the ending of Apocalypse Now that I can never “just watch the ending”. I feel like it is important to live the whole journey, again, before coming up to this point. Each time, I walk away with something different but each time, I am elevated to a different zone that only this movie can take me to.

Also, throughout the film there is a sense of chaos. Helicopters flying around, people being shot, bombs exploding, trees blazing up, civilians running all around. There is mayhem. But Coppola suddenly brings in a sense of rhythm and calm as soon as we enter Kurtz’s World. How could it be possible that the very person Willard is supposed to kill on account of his “insanity”, holds a kingdom of people in a peculiar state of calm? What is being said through this?

Francis Ford Coppola and the curse of a legendary decade 

To make a movie on this scale, in the 1970s and still keep so many aspects ambiguous, remains one of the most brave decisions in the history of cinema. In a way, Francis Coppola’s 70s became so large, his movies after that were never treated with the respect they deserved. The decade I wrote about at the beginning of this piece, was so humungous in terms of it’s artistic and cinematic value that Coppola had to live his life trying to play catch. I personally like most of what I have watched from Coppola’s films after the 70s. Rumble Fish is such a beautiful film. The Rainmaker as well. Coppola made many great movies after the 70s but he will be remembered only for the ones he made IN the 70s and Apocalypse Now ended that legendary decade for him.

People expected the movie to be a colossal failure. The media wrote about it being a disaster even before the movie was even out. News from the shooting in Vietnam crept into the American newspapers and Coppola was painted as this dark figure who would risk finance and personnel for his own greed. He proved them all wrong.  Apocalypse Now was a huge theatrical hit. It is said that Francis Coppola expected Apocalypse Now to be a flop. He hence decided to make One From the Heart. Ironically, Apocalypse Now was remarkably successful and One from the Heart turned out to be a flop and if what I hear is correct, it even bankrupted him. It is indeed a very sad tale. Few filmmakers can be considered to be on par with Francis Ford Coppola. Few filmmakers out there can claim that his movies haven’t influenced them in any way.

Filmmakers rarely embrace the mysteries that surround their subjects of movie making. Francis Coppola tackled it head on with Apocalypse Now. You wouldn’t blame him for holding back on trying to make a film on this scale, philosophical. But he did it nonetheless. He did it because he wanted to raise questions with the film. He wanted to send something up. He wanted political ideas to be exchanged and he wanted his characters to make cumulative choices. Not choose between black or white.

Apocalypse Now remains one of the Greatest movies ever made.

      Remembering a masterpiece: Apocalypse Now Some years ago, while presenting Francis Ford Coppola's Rumble Fish (1983) at the Austin Film Society, Filmmaker Richard Linklater made an interesting point.

[kendrixtermina]

Extra Typology Vol #3 - Part 6, A: The Dramatic Style (Basics)

Another very common type, this would be your typical “heart-driven” person: Emotional, expressive and looking for a life full of color, vibrancy & excitement.

Often witty, flamboyant, extroverted and sensual, they have a knack for turning even everyday situation into grand stories and living the spirits of roomfuls of people. For people with this personality style, all the world’s a stage, and there’s never a dull moment around them.  

The Six Domains

Emotions

People of this style see the worlds primarily through the lens of their emotions. Experiences, people and objects are primarily perceived as what they make them feel and that’s the primary information they’re working from - while, say, a conscientious indvidual may see a movie & offer a thoughtful critique of the performances, script, cinematography etc, the Dramatic person’s reaction will be more like “Wow”, “booring” etc - for them, it’s the emotional impact of an experience that they seek, value & pay attention to. 

When listening to a Dramatic person’s tales, you may note the absence of factual description - they focus more on painting a picture of the impression they had without relying on realistic detail: Conveying the emotional aspect of their experiences is more important than getting the factual details right, even if they may come off exaggerated. 

They extract the passion from every experience, and as such, dwell in a world of flamboyant color - if asked to describe their lives, they’ll likely make them sound much more eventful than other people, & are always full of exciting tales to share. Even the most mundane, everyday events turn into lenghty adventurous anecdotes. They seek the wmotional experience in life and, as such, my have little appreciation for life’s drier sides - the Dramatic style can come hand-in-hand with impatience with or anxiety with details, routines, organization and planning - they will often steer clear of weighty conversations, preferring gossip & intrigue, and skimming the headlines to get to the sensational parts.

Dramatic people generally display their emotions freely & openly, and, unless there are more stoic styles in their mix, display them for everyone to see - There’s no such thing as a stiff upper lip with them. In general, they are good-natured, sentimental & effusive, and enoy melodrama, intrigue and gossip - They are easily moved and react powerfully, & often immediately to events. Because they are so reactive, their feelings can change very quickly even from different extremes, and they tend to express their moods with whatever degree of passion they feel - if one of these is mad at you, best beware, but keep in mind that they don’t hold long-term grudges and expect others to do the same. 

Overall, they live their lives intensely: As if to plumb the emotional heights and dephts of each experience, all aspects of their lives (work, relationships, imagination, leisure-time activities etc.) are infused with stimulating, extroverted energy. As they have little tolerance for boredom, Dramatic individuals generally don’t wait for life to happen to them, but instead, don a costume, go out to town & laugh until everyone else is laughing with them, actively provoking experience by stirring the passions of other people.  

Relationships

Dramatic individuals are very social creatures and are most in their element when they are surrounded by people - a central focus of their lives is to win friends and influence people - to rouse them, energize them, charm them, until they drop their reserve & open their hearts - Dramatic individuals are often the life of the party, hapiest when the atmosphere is charged and all eyes are on them.

They genuinely like other people and are very attentive to what makes them pleased and comfortable - Often, they are gifted with great intuition about people’s feelings & are good at reading their body language and expression, & hence good at loosing up & “lubricating” any social gathering. 

When it comes to relationships of the romantic kind, they’re often particularly efficient in the early stages  - they know how to draw people to them, pay attention to their appearance and are open with compliments, flattery and appreciation - they’ll watch & listen with great attention to what you want & need and experience, and experience the early phase of infatuation very profoundly - they’ll be fully open to their new love, trusting & accepting - and while this heat of passion can lead into a solid relationship in the best of circumstances, there’s a risk for the Dramatic person to fall prey to wishful thinking & misread important cues, perhaps taking the other person to be more comitted than they actually are & or assuming a level of depht & involvement that may not have had time to develop here - when faced with ambiguity, they’re inclined to notice the positive signals more than the negative ones.

Related to that is an easy willingness to respond to other’s ideas, suggestions & activities, a trait that is often found likeable, though this might also lead them to sign up for activities without considering if they really want to do them, or to be taken by passing fads. 

In the long run, the dramatic person’s need for excitement & stimulation might lead them to lose interest/ grow bored once the initial passion fades. “Keeping the Fire lit” in the long term may pose a challenge. Some may even lose interest in a sucessfull “conquest”, have affairs etc. or just generally act flirty/teasing ( while remaining faithful to their partners. ) - Others, however, simply become very inventive about keeping the relationship exciting & plan a lot of activities, vacatations etc. or keep themselves busy & stimulated via a wide circle of platonic friends. 

Self

As the social, other-directed & external beings that they are, Dramatic individuals tend to define themselves “from the outside in” - When asked to describe themselves, they will do this in terms of what others say about them: “People tell me I’m X” (This is one way to tell them apart from Self-Confident types. They’d just say “I’m X.”)

Since their self-definition comes from outside themselves, they place a high importance on image & put a lot of care into how they look & present themselves to others, including making sure that it matches their current social group.  Some people dominated by this personality style might have trouble learning to appreciate the beauty that comes from the inside.

Another consequence of that other-directed self-definition & emotional reactivity is that a dramatic individual will, to varying degrees, lack a calm, consistent, centered sense of self. For this reason, people of this type require regular reassurance & feedback from others in order to mantain their self-confidence & know that they are loved. 

Self-Control

This passionate, fun-loving personality style often comes hand-in-hand with a low frustration tolerance. Unless they have some balancing influences more more rational, thoughtul “head” styles, strongly Dramatic individuals will be ruled by their emotions and as such, spontenous, impulsive, impetuus & impatient - when they want something, they generally want it now, for example, if they misplace an object, they’ll tend to buy a new one rather than wait for it to turn up or another one to become available.

The more pronounced and/or extreme the Dramatic style is, the harder it becomes to resist the impulse to act on temptation. Hence, self-control, in everything from eating, spending to keeping secrets and controlling one’s temper -  will always be difficult for a Dramatic person. They live best in the the heartfelt moment, which makes it hard to delay gratification. Besides, they’re not natural planners and as such may simply not anticipate the future outcome that would motivate them to restrain themselves, and they like to take their minds of their worries as soon as possible, and a little bit of indulgence tends to make them feel better. 

Fortunately, a healthy streak of a counterbalancing, more restraining personality style ( such as Conscientious, Self-Confident, Vigilant, Serious, Solitary or Aggressive) can make it easier to resist the urges. 

Worldview

For Dramatic individuals, the world is a storybook where romance lives. Other people become larger-than-life characters in a melodrama, & they spot heroes & vllains wherever they go. 

A balanced Dramatic individual with creative talents may even translate this perspective into art or entertainment and inspire others with their optimism  - some have a great talent for creating romantic stories in which dreams come true, the bad guys get what’s comming to them, and the good guys live happily ever after. Although they may have their despairing moods, Dramatic individuals want to believe in happy endings & that everything will work out - though given their tendency to deal with stress by ignoring unpleasant reality, they must take care not to substitute a wish for an uncomfortable truth that they’d rather not deal with. 

Work

Dramatic people like exciting work environments where they can make an impact - They’re idea people, often brilliant in their hunches, and they can persuade others to join their projects - What they may fail to do, however, is to follow through with the details, though this might not keep them from making their dreams a reality as long as they can find someone to help them with the nitty-gritty - indeed many a sucessful enterpreneur has a strong Dramatic streak, as it can help with both self-promotion & following opportunities: They can charm, sell, wheel, deal and make good communicators. 

That said,  their tendency to operate on hunches & insights instead of reason can also backfire to make things difficult for them, especiallyif the institutions they work for insist that they proceed with outlines, plans, budgets and detailed follow-through - If you, a Dramatic Person, want a place where you’ll fit right in, try the Entertainment, Broadcast or Advertising industries, which are overrun with & carter to your kind: Creative personel is rarely required to adhere to much reglementation & allowed to dress as they please. 

This is why some innovative companies have turned to offering lavish break rooms & napping/entertainment places: It helps certain types of people to relax & generate ideas. Pamper your dramatic employees, give them positive reinforcement, let the work flexibly, and they’ll reward you with excelent work. 

Life Choices

Leadership

Dramatic Individuals can make strong managers,, skilled at inspiring their subordinates to work hard, though they generally benefit from having someone on board who they can trust to keep the work moving & make sure that routine responsibilities are met (perhaps a secretary or personal assistant)

They openly appreciate a job well done & are generous to those who work hard on their behalf. On the flipside, they do not hide their anger and may lambast a subordinate who displeases them, sometimes even threatening to fire the unfortunate (though they rarely follow through)

They may be emotionally changeable individuals, gruff & uncommunicative on one day and cherful & enthusiastic the next - As an employee, try not to take your boss’ emotional reactions personally - lay low, avoid confrontation, mantain your own emotional balance & wait for your boss to cool off before you ask for a raise. 

Job Recomendations

If the person has applicable talents, the creative or performing arts may be a natural fit, as are the creative & people-heavy sides of business & industry. 

Overall, seek careers that make use of your style’s natural ability to influence other people - anything from public relations, teaching, sales and sales promotion. Your sensitivity to emotions may also come in handy in helping professions. 

Avoid routine, repetitive & technical work of any kind & seek a nonregimented work environment. Working for yourself may appeal to you, but it could be your downfall unless you have an agent or hire someone to handle the paperwork. 

Stress Sources

For all the excitement, life with a dramatic person can be stormy, considering their strong and immediate emotional reactions. Trouble in a relationship can cause a major blow to a Dramatic person’s self-esteem, potential sources of which include the dramatic partner feeling that they don’t get enough affection & appreciation, the other partner finding it hard to deal with the passionate outburst or flirty outgoing behavior (ie, if they get jealous)  and failing to establish a routine that compensates for the dramatic partner’s reluctance to deal with life’s mundane chores.

When trouble arises, the Dramatic person’s default way of copingis to try looking on the bright side; They preferr to repress the unpleasant in order to sustain a positive outlook and keep telling themselves that everything will work out - and/or distract themselves through actions.

Another major source of stress for Dramatic individuals is being alone - without lovers and friends whose eyes they can shine in, many Dramatic people feel unhappy with themselves and having to take care of themselves & assume responsibilities that formerly fell to their partners can provoke a lot of anxiety, especially if the Dramatic person is unused to dealing with such stuff - that said, the state of being alone rarely lasts long for Dramatic people - they will usually put on a happy face, attend social gatherings as soon as possible, and find new friends or admirers.

Parenting

Dramatic individuals tend to make emotionally understanding and accessible parents who encourage creativity & aesthetic appreciation in their children.

However, their lack of organization can lead them to let important slip ups & miss payments, appointments & activities, which can be quite embarassing and confusing for a child  who may conclude that the parent doesn’t care - ideally, the non-dramatic parent should be aware of the responsibilities that their partner has towards their kids and make sure that they are met. 

That said, Dramatic parents are often fun, active, energetic and offer their children a wide range of experiences out in the world, though they may experience difficulty in teaching their children restraint and frustration tolerance.

In cases where the style is more extreme, the Dramatic parent may be overly needy of loving feedback & have a hard time letting the child go their own way - ideally, the other parent would reassure them that they’re being a good, loving parent my knowing when to back off 

Romantic Compatibility

Because their relationships are usually born out of passion & seduction rather than reason, Dramatic people tend to have a lot of hot starts with peole of many different personality styles, but the ones that last tend to involve partners who ground & balance the Dramatic person

As discussed earlier, the Dramatic/Conscientious match can be, and frequently is such a match, as they can both gain from their partners what their own styles lack. The Conscientious person will take care of the Dramatic spouse and provide them with steadiness, security, emotional stability, reliability & attentiveness to success, while the Dramatic partner brings imagination, a spontaneous emotional life and an entree into a lively social word - The Conscientious partner will take care of the money & the down-to-earth decision-making, whilst the Dramatic one will take the lead in the couple’s social & emotional life. However, that doesn’t mean that this (or any) combination is a guaranteed success - If the Conscientious partner is possesively controlling & can’t tolerate the Dramatic one’s need for attention. Likewise, it won’t work if the Conscientious person has their feet very firmly planted on the ground while the Dramatic one is too high in the clouds.  

While one might think that the shared virtues of work-orientation & steadiness would make the Serious type a similarly good match, this is not necessarily true in the long run - At first, the Serious person might be swept away by the flurry that the Dramatic person creates around them, but they cannot share the Dramatic person’s gaiety & optimism and tend to “rain on their parade”, particularly if the serious style is very pronounced.

A match with a Self-Confident Type is likely to be based on similarities rather than differences: They are both high-energy attention getters who can share intensely lived lives surrounded by admirers, and the Self-Confident type is usually apt to deal with the realistic, down-to earth side of life. However, beware of the tendency of both styles to compete for attention & the Self-Confident’s inclination toward inatentiveness. 

While two Dramatic individuals can powerfully attract each other, their similarities are likely to lead to confrontation and conflict - this is a strong style that does best with a partner that will back off and let them have their emotional way. 

For similar reasons, a match with the similarily emotional Mercurial style is destined to explode

Individuals with a modicum of Self-Sacrificing, Sensitive or Devoted styles will be happy to let their partner lead from the heart and be happy to provide the attention on which the Dramatic style thrives - However, a Devoted partner would have to be able to deal with their worries about the Dramatic partner’s fidelity  and must fight against becoming too compliant when facing stresses within the relationship - Dramatic partner require emotionally stable partners, whatever their style is. In case of Sensitive types, they might be glad to have someone around who is confident at socializing, but might receive little sympathy if they prove to be very anxious in public - the contrast between Introversion & extroversion would have to be dealt with

Though Dramatic individuals may find Vigilant or Agressive types appealing for their “cool” and “though” demeanor, these matches are headed for rocky times as Vigilant types don’t open up easily & tend to get jealous quick, whereas Aggressive types generally require much more passive, undemanding partners

Adventurous types may appeal powerfully to the Dramatic’s love of excitement - they, too, are spontaneous, seductive, thrilling & fun-loving, but they’re likely to share the Dramatic’s bad habits, including impulsiveness and lack of patience for responsibilities, which might lead them to be a bad influence on each other. Moreover, Adventurous individuals tend not to commit, which can leave the DRamatic partner with a broken heart.

Specific Issues

Dramatic on the Inside

For a significant number of people in which this style is very pronounced, it marks the character of their inner lives rather than their outward behavior - other styles in their personality pattern will influence how “out front” a Dramatic trait is - for example, some with a significant Conscientious admixture will have more social & emotional reserve & self-control, and styles like Solitary or Sensitive may temper the Dramatic gregariousness & emotional expression, the Vigilant style will contribute independence & caution and the Devoted style will moderate the individual’s drive to get out there & move out in the world -

But regardless of outward appearance, the individuals inner experience, emotions & love of attention remain rich & strong. 

[jessecoody-blog]

Jesse Coody Shared: 10 Sure Ways to Attract People to You

Jesse Coody: Every time I've bought this subject up in conversation, there has been disbelief that it can actually been done. On the other hand, whenever it's been scheduled in a seminar, the module has taken longer than anticipated. Here are what the highest earning professionals do that you may not be doing.

1. Focus Your Attention on the Other Person

Everyone wants to be the centre of attention. To focus all of your attention onto another may not be possible. However, great results can be achieved if you only make people feel special in your presence. Most people love to talk about themselves. So ask questions that cause people to tell you about their passions and problems. If you do, it will enhance the possibility of them becoming attracted to you - and you already know how that's done. Try to understand others from their point of view. Ask them about their children, careers, hobbies, what they like to read and what they do in their spare time. Whenever you get people to reveal their private world to you, they become more confident in your presence, and in most cases you'll be considered a terrific conversationalist - and consequently, be thought of as a very attractive person to be near.

2. Compliment People and Their Abilities

Pay people sincere compliments and then acknowledge the compliment. Here's a way you can make it work for you. Say you compliment an associate about some new office furniture they just bought. Most of us would probably say, "Your new furniture looks good and suits the office." On the other hand, the professional that understands the power of complementing the individual would say something like this. "Your new furniture looks great and really suits the office. I think you have a natural talent for decorating. But you've never taken decorating lessons have you?" Everyone can give a compliment, but only someone really interested in people knows how to pass on a compliment that will make the hearer feel really special. ( Jesse Coody)

3. Focus on the Things You Have in Common

Another basic way to attract people to you is to find the things you have in common with them. The areas of commonality between you and them could be based on work, family, sports, social and/or business contacts, hobbies, interests and so on. Here's a hint. Have a pre-prepared card with space allocated on it for work, family, sports, social and/or business contacts, hobbies, interests etc. That way there will be no need to go out of your way to acquire this information. You'll be able to do this as part of your contact. Alternately, you can simply ask whatever questions come to mind, or are relative to the conversation. But remember, don't just listen - hear what they say.

4. Talk About Third Party Success Stories

A common mistake too many salespeople make is to tell other people how successful they are. Generally most people you've just met don't care about your successes. Other people only care about how they can benefit from the short interlude with you. It is for this reason the top professional salespeople concentrate on third party stories and successes. They tell others what their company, product or service did for their customers, how they helped them get over a hurdle, fixed a problem or made those clients more successful.

• What stories do you have that others would be pleased to hear about? • Can you convey the situation a third party was in before you helped them? • Can you describe their predicament in detail without giving away too many personal details?

Then once you've done that, can you provide a good-luck story relating to your third-party reference as a result of doing business with you? ( Jesse Coody)

Here's a hint. Make a list of all those you have helped. Then physically write down those "before" and "after" stories. Refine, rewrite and perfect the story, then keep on refining, rewriting and perfecting the story until you're happy with it. You'll be amazed how powerful these personal stories sound - even to you. The danger here is you could make the stories sound "too good to be true," and when you do that, those stories will sound too overdone. So remember this, if it sounds amazing to you - it will most likely sound even more amazing to them. Be careful.

5. Don't Just Listen - Hear What They Say

Most of us tend to give our listening skills little more than merely basic lip service. Just hearing another person's words (when they're talking to you) is not really listening effectively. Most of us think it is, but a seasoned professional salesperson knows it's not.

So how does a seasoned professional salesperson listen? They do this by listening to someone without thinking of what question they're going to ask next, not thinking about their own agenda and not focusing too heavily on making a sale at that point. They know and understand that when they just listen and focus all their attention on your prospect, the prospect will automatically be drawn to the seller - because the way you listen to the answer appears to the prospect to be both genuine and intense. Do it right, and you'll find an exchange of dialogue will take place that is both rich and engrossing. Then when that happens, the communication between two people causes an irresistible attraction. ( Jesse Coody)

6. The Most Important Person on This Earth

America's motivational father, Earl Nightingale, used to say, "If you want to be successful, treat every person you come into contact with as the most important person on earth." Modern-day American motivator, Zig Ziglar says, "No-one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care." True sales professionals, and those who understand this one point, focus all their energy, attention and care on the person they're with. They've learned to take themselves out of the equation and give others unbelievable attention without any hint of an ulterior motive or manipulation. They know we respond favourably to those that make us feel special in their presence. They also understand that to the people who go out of their way to make us feel extremely important, we will give them our respect, our friendship, our knowledge and our business - and we will do it for life, or as long as they keep making us feel extremely important.

7. Offer To Be An Information Resource

Here's another valuable hint overlooked by far too many within the selling profession. No. Better still. Let's call it one of the most valuable selling tools available to you to attract attention to yourself. So why isn't it used more often? It's because it usually takes more effort to make this one resource work more than the majority of the other resources available to salespeople. That's why then true sales professionals approach it in a systematic way. Once the salesperson knows something about their potential prospects, they clearly see ways to provide information of value to them based on that something they have been made aware of. What they hone in on could be articles relating to their prospects hobbies, emails about things they have in common, or websites about ways to help them improve one or more aspects of their business. It could even be information related to their community, their children or their other infatuations. Top salespeople know that their target audience will appreciate hearing from them when they provide information the prospect can use. So here's a very important hint. Do not try and do any selling whatsoever when you first contact the prospect - just provide them with the information they ask for. When you do this, chances are that they will come to you when the time is right - and that's the power of this one point.

8. Send Your Good Customers Business

A personally recommended referral that could lead to a potential sale is the one thing that no-one in business will ever say no to. In fact, no-one in their right mind will ever turn it down - especially if it's a good referral. The salesperson that finds business for their prospects is very likely to build a good relationship, and because of this they will always take your calls. They'll even be glad to have lunches with you, and they will be more likely to give you more referrals on a regular basis. That's right. They'll reciprocate by giving you their business and pass on even more referrals simply because you first sent them referrals that they could work.

9. Develop a Strong Personal Foundation

Amongst top end sales professionals there is a belief that they have either learnt to develop, or are able to naturally acquire a special something that attracts others to them. In fact, to outsiders, it's considered to be a kind of special energy that either draws attention to them, or, at the very worst, repels others away from them. Many of the sales experts working in the training sector tend to call this a "Strong Personal Foundation." And that foundation becomes a personal substructure for those sellers to succeed at whatever they put their mind to. The one's who possess this "Strong Personal Foundation," are the ones that know how to instinctly "balance" the key areas of their life, including health, money, environment, family, friends, fun, recreation, career and personal and spiritual growth. Moreover, many of the ones that have learned to develop this "Strong Personal Foundation" tend to do so by grading each of the above areas of 'balance' between one and ten. A ten grade denotes excellence. Any mark below ten is then worked on until the necessary "balance" (aspiring to be a ten) is achieved in all of the other sectors previously graded to be out of balance.

10. Specialist Knowledge

It is a fact that every top professional in every profession works hard at being a specialist at what he or she does. In fact, the top income earners in every field of endeavour are specialists at what they do. Because of the hard work that they undertake to become a specialist, they become the best, the most in demand, the highest paid, and the most sought after individuals because of their specialised knowledge. Top professionals work hard at knowing more than others in their chosen field. They understand that if they acquire expert knowledge about something that people want to know about, that can make them particularly attractive in the field in life they have chosen to work in. So what are you good at doing presently, or what are you willing to get good at doing in the very near future? Are you prepared to become even better at what you are doing now and specialise in your field of work? The fact is, the better you get, the more others will be attracted to you, and the better you get at what you do, your clients, peers, superiors will be attracted to you - and that includes your opponents as well. At the very least, they will know about you and how well respected you have become in your craft. To have others become aware of you, all you have to ensure is they know that you exist and that you have the skills they need. The rest is up to you, together with the other skills you have acquired to make them want to do business with you.( Jesse Coody)