#✧･ﾟ: *✧ ❝ from the pits / of primals (meta) ❞

[lascivi]

HEADCANON      Lust & Love

There is a difference between love and lust. Deep emotions, that of caring and passion, of the need to be with another simply for their very presence and nothing else. Longing to see their face, see them smile, to hear their voice say those words to you as you have said them to them. ‘I love you’ Love is something humans have developed, something that many creatures are capable of. Love is universal and relatable because everyone has something or someone they love. Lust is different. Lust is defined as to have a very strong sexual desire. Lust is akin to infatuation, an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. Similar to infatuation is that lust does not seem to last. It’s fleeting. Someone may be in lust with another, seeing them primarily as a means to pleasure. Finding them sexually attractive, wanting to have sex with them. From there love may or may not bloom. For Belial there has never been love as he cannot feel it or bring himself to relate to the emotion. There is only lust.

Belial is an incredibly lascivious and lecherous being. Their lust does not stop and it seems to overtake them in most situations. They speak openly of their lust, being lustful openly towards others, and speaking lewdly. He’s flirtatious and suave when he wishes to be, but eventually that facade will crumble into his usual vulgar ways. He has outbursts and he will make innuendos constantly, even right out saying how he feels without filter. Although he acts like this most all the time he can control himself. He does not speak this way or feel any sort of attraction towards minors (eighteen years of age and younger) He actually holds a bit of disdain towards younger people, finding them to be somewhat annoying and tiresome to converse with. But with those he does find interest in he will continue on with vulgarities. While his crudeness is serious much of the time he is also halfway messing and teasing others. Speaking in such a fashion to get a rise out of people for the sake of amusement. To fend off boredom, showing off his sadistic side in seemingly mundane ways.

Being such a lustful creature, and a beautiful creature at that he does get around. He has casual sex regularly with any number of people at a time, in a number of different ways. He will seek out those he finds interesting to bed, seducing them. He is capable of seduction subtly although he doesn’t do so incredibly often but he is certainly able. He bends his persona to match those who he’s courting if he is really that interested. In all honesty, for him, he finds mortals, human beings as a whole to be fairly boring. He feels he has to push them to be of more interest to him. Individually Belial can find some mortals particularly charming, funny, and fascinating to an extent. If he sees that in you, a person who is more than just a weak mortal, a weak anything, he may hang around you. Belial is extremely powerful and is attracted to others that are powerful as well. He is attracted to beings who are not mortals or humans, those who are more captivating than that. He is also vain so Belial looks for beauty, and he considers himself very smart and extremely cunning so he seeks that out as well. But despite searching more amusement through others he can never find himself attached to one or few people.

Incapable of love, true and real love, Belial sees no qualm in it. He distances himself from his sexual partners because after the fact he couldn’t care less. He might only care a smidgen if you were one of those ‘interests’ he’s taken a liking to. But even then that only goes so far. Belial would be hard pressed to name anyone he genuinely ‘likes’ because he separates being interested in someone to ‘liking’ someone. He is lust, not love. He lusts after sex and power and amusement. He lusts after knowledge and bloodshed. Love is not something he’s even remotely interested by. He goes by his whims and many of his more positive emotions are stifled. He can feel happiness but only in the most depraved things and then rarely. He feels amusement, mirth, glee, in the devastation of others lives. In the sorrow and the sadness. In the anger in the eyes of those who loath him. There he finds what is close to happiness. He can be angry, annoyed, he can hate someone although he will hide that hatred to sustain his facade.

There is no love in him. Lust rules over this primal beast, sometimes admiration such as for his creator, sometimes there is a vague and dissipating liking towards someone, but never

[filmmakerdreamst]

‘Boy Meets World’ Re-watch (as an Adult)

‘Girl Meets World’ doesn’t count as a sequel. Not because of the writing/tonal choices but because in the original show - despite continuity issues - the characters felt like real people e.g. the way they spoke/acted/dressed was the way people behaved in the 90s where as in the spin off, they were Disney characters e.g. hyper versions of themselves especially Cory and Eric. And the transition between both shows didn’t come naturally. It’s not an objectivity badly written show but it was pretty much a re-do of the old show with the same storylines/tropes without continuing the story. (I say the same thing about ‘The Incredibles’. vs ‘Incredibles 2’.) Also there were too many cooks in the kitchen pushing one way or another. You could see Micheal Jacobs style, all the aspects were there, but he was also creating a ‘DISNEY’ show at the same time. I don’t know about you but the one message I took from the original show was ‘finding out that life cannot be packenged into a lovely little present ’ which kind of contradicts everything that the new show is. If anything GMW is an AU universe (and it really felt like that, rewatching it right after BMW e.g. it felt flipped) almost like Disney’s version of ‘what happened next?’ The primal difference between both shows is BMW is portraying what is real and GMW is based on what is real.

Going off my point, I will however be always thankful that it exists because I probably wouldn’t of found out about ‘Boy Meets World’ otherwise. Although saying that, I never thought that the original show needed a continuation of any kind (a lot of things make sense about the spin off if you acknowledge that Disney requested it - I think it would of been much better off on its original platform) ‘Boy Meets World’ was very much a product of its time i.e. when tv shows were still relevetivley new and had no rules - like there is stuff in there that not even adult shows today have. Plus there was something about it that felt very personal (such as the characters and setting) as if the creator based it on his own childhood growing up and I think that was part of its charm and why it had such a big effect on pop culture - I’m not so sure you can repeat that.

BMW is big on meta I’ll tell you that. I love how it’s so aware of itself. The amount of depth that it has never ceases to amaze me. It’s whole universe is so dense and huge. Every quote/storyline is so unique it sticks in your brain forever. (I swear the humour got more and more deranged every season). The show was also incredibly queer and progressive.  It didn’t give a crap about sexuality. Much more than I remember. Proof to never use ‘but it was made in the 90s’ excuse.        

I loved how the show kept reinventing itself every season as Cory grew up so you really felt you were growing up with him and all the characters. The Character Development on this show was so natural/authentic. Every single character got a chance to shine. No one changed their look in one episode and no one had an intervention every time someone had an identity crisis (GMW) My favourite development was Shawn Hunter. He went from a cool kid to a ladies man to a poetic soul. It was so satisfying to watch.

I realised that Cory Matthews is actually my favourite character (before it was Eric or Shawn) I already have a special soft spot for ‘annoying’ characters because they tend to be the most memorable/real. For example, Karma Ashcroft from ‘Faking it’ was my babe while everyone was hating on her. I really related to his anxiety/self hatred about being average and I loved that he constantly made mistakes. It was very refreshing. He’s also incredibly queer-coded. I found that alot of his mannerisms make sense if you see him with extreme compulsory heterosexuality (because identity’s such as bisexual or gay couldn’t exist normally in the 90s) There are moments in the show where he literally mimics his best friend’s behaviour around girls e.g. when the class pretty much gets brainwashed by the sex ed video in ‘Boy Meets Girl’ Shawn gets asked out by a girl, making Cory jealous - which pushes him to ask out Topanga.

It’s funny how a few years of life experience can change perspectives completely because when I was sixteen (aka the same age as Cory and Topanga) watching BMW for the first time, I was mad at Amy for ‘not understanding that they were in love’ (in ‘A Walk to Pittsburg’) but now that I’m older I’m actually agreeing with her. Yeah, what do they know about love? Because all season long they were acting quite superficially.

Cory and Topanga became somewhat of a toxic couple in seasons 5 -7. Reminded me of my parents relationship because my mum gave up her chosen university to be closer to my dad and they aren’t together any more. Topanga’s love for Cory was very conditional and Cory cheated on her multiple times/openly begged for sex  (Again like my parents) And you should never be in a relationship with someone who makes you say “You make me think not so very much of myself” There are arguably much more signs of emotional abuse than love in their relationship especially from Topanga’s side. Plus their story was altered so many times to give it more basis (they retconned Shawn and Cory’s friendship to do this) I could write an essay on how Kevin and Winnie’s love story on ‘The Wonder Years’ is much more believable because it actually addresses how toxic it was and they grow apart in the end. If GMW was a realistic continuation, they would be divorced with a little girl - leave them in the 90s where they belong.

Alan and Amy were couple goals! Cory and Topanga wish that they could have what they have. Literally the definition of ‘a healthy relationship on tv that keeps thriving and over coming obstacles without big drama’. Best TV parents ever.

I loved the Matthews family; how they all had individual arcs and developments of their own. One of my favourite arcs was in season 5, when Eric and Cory were both jealous of what they ‘didn’t have’ with their dad, so Alan made an effort to give them both that they needed. Honestly, I had never seen so much healthy communication on TV before. Alan is the best father around. His whole personal arc of giving up managing a supermarket because he wasn’t passsionate about it anymore and buying a mountain store was so inspired. I found it funny that the family had more of a relationship with Shawn than Topanga.

Shawn Hunter never caught a break. It got a bit tiring. He was never allowed to be happy for five minutes. Every time he laughed or smiled, 5 years were added onto my lifespan. Why didn’t Johnathan Turner adopt him? I loved their dynamic. Why did he let him go back to his abusive father who just dumped him anyway?

Jack and Shawn’s complicated dynamic was possibly the most unique/interesting arc of the entire show and no one talks about it. I don’t care what y’all say - despite them being very different, Jack was the only one who fully took care of Shawn without second thoughts (Turner and the Matthews family had doubts)

I liked Shawn and Angela. I thought they were much better suited than Cory and Topanga. I honestly wouldn’t of minded if they ended up together even though I always had a feeling they wouldn’t. (Like I’m glad she went with her dad in the end) And considering how important they were as a interracial couple in the 90s, GMW handled that very poorly.

Shawn and Cory should of ended up together. And before you come at me with ‘it’s important to have m/m friendships without toxic masculinity’ (which is an important arguement to have) - yeah no shit there’s an entire Industry based around that/pitting women against each other. While it is important to have those friendships between men that are close and even intimate (take Chandler and Joey, Schmidt and Nick, Isak and Jonas and Jake and Charles for example) there was also another layer to their relationship which the narrative played off sometimes as them “going out” or “in love”.  I actually recently found out that a writer - who came into the show in season 3 - confirmed that she wrote gay undertones into their relationship on purpose ‘In my opinion as a writer, they thought they were “straight”, they both didn’t realise or understand their feelings for eachother’ but couldn’t deliever because the producers wanted to keep the show “kid friendly”. Kind of like Xena and Gabby. I know people prefer Jack & Eric (I love them as well) but everything got ruined for me as soon as they introduced the ‘love triangle’ and I always tend to prefer emotional tension over sexual. They were just so unconditional with each other/ their friendship was so good and healthy and now I’m so bitter that it never happened.

I never understood why Shawn and Cory had to stop being best friends after he got married. He’s not Topanga’s property. I always hated how Topanga tried to interrupt/interfere with their dynamic — although now I realise it was because the two of them purposely left her out. Looking back at it, If it really was just a intimate friendship then why would she get so easily jealous if she didn’t sense there was something else deeper going on? You should never marry someone who puts you second.

I didn’t like Topanga when she was with Cory (or vice versa) Especially after they got married. She was a great character on her own. Feminist before her time. Hermione Granger before her time. I always felt she deserved a lot better than him in a way e.g. if someone I considered a friend speard a rumour around high school that we slept together - I would never speak to that person again. SHE SHOULD OF GONE TO YALE GOD DAMN IT. And as someone pointed out the other day, if the roles were reversed some of the stuff she does or says to Cory would be considered domestic violence. ‘She’s always blaming Cory on shit that isn't even his fault or makes him feel bad or shuts down his emotions and turns it around so he's comforting her instead.’ There was even a moment in GMW (not that I consider that show a continuation) where she locks him out the house for a few days after he insulted her chicken, and his son Auggie had to bring him spaghetti. If Cory was a woman, that would not be played off as a joke - that would be considered abuse. They were however a better couple in GMW ironically.

Angela Moore is now one of my favourite characters on BMW. She was beautiful. Her friendship with Rachel (and Topanga) was the best. And I frickin’ loved her and Cory’s friendship development - when they could of easily not played into that. I hate that she got villiaized in GMW.

My favourite seasons are 4, 5 & 1. My least favourites are 3 & 2 & 7. And even then the show was still pretty darn good.

The back and fourth clash between Turner and Mr Feeny in season 2 was very entertaining.

Mr Feeny and Eric are my favourite relationship on ‘Boy Meets World’. I love how Eric was the only person that Feeny directly told that he loved him. Also, why didn’t Eric become the new Mr Feeny? He showed more traits of becoming a teacher in the show than Cory did.

Eric and Tommy was probably the most heartbreaking plot line in season 6. (That season was an emotional train wreck) I cried for a fourth time. The world doesn’t deserve him.

I loved the development of Shawn and Topanga’s friendship. Even though there was a silent competition over Cory, they eventually became good friends. I found out that the song ‘She will be loved’ was inspired by them which is awesome but it’s also proof that people ship for less if it’s an m/f dynamic - just sayin’. I however see a more convincing potiental romance with the two of them than Cory and Topanga sometimes.

On Cory and Topanga again - they weren’t a bad couple overall. I liked them in s1 - 3. They had some great moments. But upon my rewatch (getting out of that 90s idealised headspace) I found them to be too similar at times - chafing as another person put it - to the point where they cancel each other out. A lot of people pointed out that Riley and Maya paralleled them and I was thinking “That’s not nesserily a good thing.”

‘Dream. Try. Do good.’ is on my mantelpiece.

[raven-m-3]

On hunger and Kylo hunting his p(r)ey.

Guys, the more I dig in, the more I’m stunned by Disney’s blatant use of sexual / primal themes in their storytelling of Reylo. 

Two important notes before we get started:

(1) This meta contains spoilers for the TLJ adult novelization. 

(2) If you’re underage or uncomfortable with aggressive sexual themes, don’t read this meta. It focuses on physical and sexual “hunting��-- specifically Ben / Kylo’s interest in pursuing Rey as a sexual partner. Don’t like, don’t read. You’ve been warned. 

Let’s do this. 

On hunger

So we’ve all been freaking out about this one line from the shirtless third Force Bond session: “His gaze was hungry -- and knowing.” (p. 175).

Amazing, right? 

However, it was brought to my attention by @jediknightress that the word hunger actually appears a few other times in the adult novelization, and in ways that seem a little surprising. 

After doing some digging, I’m more than satisfied that yes, Ben / Kylo is very much hungry for Rey that way. But what surprised me is that the use of the word hungry -- in this scene and in others--  sheds light on Ben / Kylo’s motive to pursue (and literally “hunt”) Rey sexually and romantically. They’re not even trying to be that subtle about it. 

I know, I know. It sounds over the top. But I’m pretty damn convinced. Let’s start with the word “hunger,” and what it means in the novel. 

Here it is in first Force Bond scene: 

“Luke?” he asked, his eyes eager and hungry, like a predator catching its prey’s scent. (p. 119)

Hunger= Kylo’s blood lust for Luke.

The third Force Bond scene:

“Your parents threw you away like garbage... But still you can’t stop needing them. It’s your greatest weakness. You look for them everywhere. In Han Solo, now in Skywalker. His gaze was hungry -- and knowing. “Did he tell you what happened that night?” Kylo asked. “Yes,” Rey said, knowing that Kylo could see that it wasn’t true. “No,” he said. (p. 175)

Hunger = Kylo’s sexual lust for Rey. 

The Throne Room scene:

Snoke’s eyes were piercing and hungry...Their pull was akin to what she’d felt near the pit on Ahch-To -- whispering of secrets reserved for her, that belonged to her. Ancient, hidden knowledge that would destroy the weak but elevate the strong. The worthy. (p. 204)

Hunger = how Snoke embodies, and desires to psychologically seduce other Force users to, the dark side of the force. 

The Fight scene with the Praetorian guards:

She sensed Kylo’s excitement, and his hunger- as if he were a beast finally freed to confront his tormenters. (p. 241)

Hunger= Kylo’s blood lust for the Praetorian guards

These passages show us that “hunger”  signifies the dark side of the force, with the specific motives of blood lust, sexual lust, and psychological seduction. 

On Kylo hunting to satisfy his hunger

Motivation 101: when you have a motive, whether physiological, psychological, or implicit, the motive will predict behavior. What does the motive for hunger predict? Hunting to satisfy that hunger. 

They repeatedly state or imply that Kylo “hunts” when he is hungry.

In the first Force Bond scene, Kylo is hungry for Luke (i.e., blood lust). He tries to control Rey’s mind to find him, and acts (per the novel) “like a predator catching his prey’s scent.” 

However, after the first Force Bond scene, Kylo loses his desire to hunt Luke, and begins to hunt Rey instead. Listen to how flippantly he refers to Luke in the second Force Bond scene. He doesn’t care about hunting Luke anymore.

“You’re too late,” she said, determined to break through his air of detached curiosity. “You lost. I found Skywalker.” “How’s that going?” Kylo asked, amused. (p. 136)

We also know that Kylo is hunting Rey in the 2nd Force Bond session because it emphasizes him staring and physically moving closer to her, which is something that hunters do when they’re trying to trap something. 

Kylo was staring at her....He came closer and she flinched, but refused to give ground. (p. 136)

He came within a meter or two of Rey, and she wondered what would happen if she refused to move and they intersected. (p. 136)

As he moves closer, Rey even realizes that she is being hunted-- though she misinterprets why he’s hunting her. She thinks he still wants to harm her physically, and Kylo calls her out on her fear. 

“You aren’t really here–you can’t touch me,” she said. “I’m safe.” “For someone who’s safe, you’re awfully afraid,” Kylo replied. (p. 136) 

Hmm, Ben/Kylo losing interest in hunting Luke and beginning to hunt Rey instead... it’s almost like we’ve seen that before? 

But this time (that is, the second Force Bond scene), Kylo changes tactics. He can’t take Rey by brute force (he learned that the hard way in TFA), so he attempts to psychologically seduce her by challenging her assertion that she knows everything she needs to know about him.

“You do? Ah, you do.”

And it works. Our girl is definitely intrigued, and takes on the challenge by asking Luke about what happened with Ben. 

Hungry Kylo returns next in the third Force Bond scene. “His gaze is hungry- and knowing.” Consider the context of this line. He has literally just told Rey that he knows her greatest weakness-- her desire for her parents-- and how it motivates her behavior. Kylo is onto Rey. For all intents and purposes, this line could be “His gaze is hungry-- and knowing, like a predator catching his prey’s scent.”  

Further, Kylo decides to hunt Rey by exploiting this weakness of hers --  by telling her the truth about Luke, in the hopes that it will destroy her unsoiled image of him as a master and father figure. Thus he continues his attempt to psychologically seduce Rey, which began in the 2nd Force Bond scene.

[Importantly, his intent by “exploiting this weakness” isn’t evil - just misguided. From his POV, he has Rey’s best interests in mind- he is determined to convince her that “parents /parental figures suck, forget about them and come join me instead.’]. 

The 4th Force Bond scene is the only Reylo scene in TLJ that we see 100% Ben and 0% Kylo. He reacts to Rey’s pain with compassion, and gentleness. She rewards him by reaching out to touch him. Notice that this is the very moment after which she begins to call him “Ben.” (“If I go to him, Ben Solo will turn”).

...But, of course, Kylo had to rear his head again. By the time Rey ships herself to him, Kylo has had some time to think about what he saw in the Force vision. He already knew that Rey’s parents had “thrown her away like garbage,” but the Force gave him a specific vision of her past- how her low-life parents sold her for drinking money, and that they were dead. 

“I saw something, too. Not your future -- your past. And because of what I saw, I know that when the moment comes, you’ll be the one to stand with me. Rey, I saw who your parents are.” (p. 204)

Knowing that Rey’s greatest weakness is searching for her parents, Kylo thinks that he’s finally “got” her with this piece of knowledge. That knowing the devastating truth will stop her from looking for parents and parental figures once and for all, and seek belonging with him instead.  He thinks that he’s caught his prey. I mean, look at that smirk.

Edit: I’ve seen a couple of Reylos get upset about the idea I’ve expressed here that Kylo manipulated Rey by telling her about her parents. Guys, don’t shoot the messenger. I am literally using RJ’s words. From his interview with Empire:

“The moment where Kylo makes his appeal, join me to Rey.. it was important to me that it wasn’t just a chess game. It wasn’t just manipulation. And unhealthy and as much that is awful about the way that he’s trying to-- and is being manipulative -- from his point of view--  it’s a very naked, open, emotional appeal.” (listen from 22:00 on).

Further, in the same interview above, RJ literally says that Ben uses his knowledge of Rey’s parentage to make Rey lean on him. 

“The hardest thing to hear is, ‘No, this is not going to define you.’ And in fact, Kylo is going to use this to try and undercut your confidence so that you’ll feel you have to lean on him for your identity.” (listen from 15:12 on). 

We all love our Ben Solo bbs. The revelations above don’t change the fact that he is a deserving, fascinating, complex character who can and will be a man that is worthy of Rey’s love.  

But for now, he still has issues that he needs to work out with his Kylo Ren persona. That’s why Rey’s face fell when she saw him on the Supremacy- she realized that he was still Kylo.

Kylo deeply cares for Rey. He wants her to “become what she was meant to be.” But he isn’t perfect, and we don’t do ourselves any favors by pretending otherwise and ignoring the story the filmmakers are trying to tell us. 

Although he thinks he is morally justified in turning her against parental figures and toward relying on him alone (remember, her parents have failed her, and all of his parents/ parental figures have failed him), at the end of the day, it is manipulative. If our Captain RJ can acknowledge the serious issues Kylo has left to resolve while still being the biggest Reylo stan ever, so can we, mmkay? It’s just going to make it that much better when he redeems himself in Ep. 9.

Finally, let’s discuss what really sealed the deal for me--  the Proposal Scene. 

“You’re holding on,” he said. “Let go.” He advanced on Rey, the ignited lightsaber held loosely in one hand. But there was no threat in his approach. Somehow, suddenly, that scared her even more. (p. 244).

Holy choice of language. He is advancing on Rey, but there is no threat. That scares her even more because she realizes what he is advancing on her for. To have her romantically and sexually. 

I’m sorry guys, but there is literally no other way to interpret the language of this scene. As a woman, you wouldn’t experience a deep, primal terror if your deranged cousin offered you a messed up business partnership. You would experience that terror if the sexy bad boy you are attracted to made you an offer to rule the galaxy and be his empress and bang him all the time.  

There are other hints of the hunter-prey dynamic in this scene as well.

Rey tried to find the strength to deny him, to shove him away. But he was right. (p. 244)

Kylo stepped over Snoke’s corpse... He advanced on Rey. (p. 244)

Kylo was a pace away now, his eyes locked on hers. (p. 245)

So there you have it, folks. Kylo must listen to a lot of Duran Duran because he is on a hunt down after Rey and he’s hungry like the wolf. 

If you find all this primal hunting symbolism to be a little “much,” keep in mind that Kylo’s strategy isn’t 100% successful in TLJ. It did work somewhat--  Rey definitely has feelings for him, is intrigued by him, and wants his lightsaber in more ways than one -- but it wasn’t enough to pull her to his side. 

Although they are one in the same, Ben / Kylo is still being dominated by his dark side urges (i.e., the Kylo Ren persona), as evidenced by his choice to seize power and “become the villain he wanted to be in The Force Awakens” (RJ’s TLJ Director’s commentary- 1:55:20). But Rey came for Ben, not Kylo. So although she was tempted by Kylo’s offer of sex and power, she had to leave.

Rey could never join him. Not as he stood before her now...if she wanted to save Ben, she would have to stop Kylo Ren. (junior novelization, p.161)

Kylo tried to physically capture Rey in TFA, and then tried to seduce her to his side in TLJ. Both hunting tactics ultimately failed. What’s finally going to work in Ep. 9 is Ben Solo being Ben Solo. No dark side tactics. No hunting, seduction, or domineering behavior. Just compassionate love and respect. That’s what will win him Rey’s hand and heart.  

The filmmakers made the right choice to have Rey be tempted by, but ultimately resist, Kylo’s dark side seduction attempts (although having her give in is the stuff of delicious fanfics). Because when Ben Solo finally appeals to her, Rey will be able to maintain her agency and moral compass by choosing to be with him. 

That said, the adult novel added a stunning layer to Ben / Kylo’s character. It wasn’t as evident to me in the film given Adam’s puppy dog eyes, but the book makes it clear that we’re not only dealing with Soft! Ben. Kylo is still very much raging inside of Ben Solo, and he’s up to some decidedly sexy dark side scheming when it comes to Rey. 

What it boils down to is that Kylo wants to possess Rey, and Ben wants to be with Rey. This makes sense, because dark side attachment is defined by possessive urges (Grandpa Anakin, anyone?). Of course Rey must choose Ben and reject Kylo. She’s attracted to “both” of them, but only Ben deserves her. That doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate the sexiness of canon Possessive!Kylo.  

Guys, hunting and trying to capture your sexual / romantic partner- whether physically (in TFA) or via seduction (in TLJ)  is not PG-13 material. As others have noted before me, it’s an ancient, primal tale that has lasted throughout the ages in various forms (Hades / Persephone, Jane Eyre / Rochester, Cinderella). They’re modernizing it by characterizing Rey as Ben’s complete equal who resists him, but I still can’t believe that Jason Fry and RJ went there at all. 

What a time to be a Reylo fan, kids. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cool off. 

[***IMPORTANT! Please read my reblog here with sources and discussions of previous meta authors who laid the foundation for this meta]. 

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #202

BTVS 7x17 Lies My Parents Told Me

Obligatory Soundtrack

Stray thoughts

1)  Tbh, instead of the Spike or the Ripper spin-off, THIS is the spin-off the Buffyverse needs and deserves…

We don’t get to see much of Nikki Wood but the little we do, I love. She definitely has Buffy’s sass, spunk, and punning powers. And she can kick ass!! I just think it’s such a wonderful premise to have a black slayer fighting demons in the backdrop of 1970s New York.

It’s also neat to see the interactions between Nikki and Spike and how they mirror Spike’s relationship with Buffy in the early seasons – Spike chasing after her in what looks like foreplay to him while the Slayer only feels hatred and disgust towards him yet they’re still pitted against each other as worthy opponents.

2) I truly feel for Robin in this scene, though.

I mean, getting his ass saved by his mother’s murderer must be very conflicting, to say the least.

3) This is such a sad yet truthful statement…

Hey, any apocalypse I avert without dying? Yeah, those are the easy ones.

4) Oh, Giles, don’t you ever go changing…

BUFFY Maybe you're right. Maybe everything is fine.

BUFFY Giles, what's wrong?

GILES Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I—I don't know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?

I just love that amidst all the chaos and end-of-the-world-ness, he’s worried about the school not having a library.

5) I think this scene was kind of meta, don’t you?

6)

SPIKE Oh, bollocks. With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder that there's room for my brain.

GILES I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?

BURNNNNNN!!!

7) The CGI, though, it’s so cringey, looks like they did that with MSPaint.

8) Oh, and the cringefest continues, yikes…

I mean, where do I start? First, there’s the poem…

Yet her smell, it doth linger, painting pictures in my mind. Her eyes, balls of honey. Angel's harps her laugh. Oh, lark. Grant a sign if crook'd be Cupid's shaft. Hark, the lark, her name it hath spake. "Cecily" it discharges from twixt its wee beak.

I mean, it’s not necessarily bad, but it’s not… good. “Balls of honey”? Really, William? Really?

Then, there’s the fact that he’s obviously obsessed with Cecily and writing what apparently amounts to be a creepy amount of poems about her with HER ACTUAL NAME in them, and then he goes, “Hmmmm, Who is't is this cecily thee speaketh of? I knoweth not whom thee couldst possibly beest talking about. I has't nev'r hath heard such a name. Cecily, thee sayeth?”

And then there’s this, which is almost as cringey and disturbing as what comes later on between these two…

WOMAN She's lovely. You shouldn't be alone. You need a woman in your life.

WILLIAM I have a woman in my life.

WOMAN But you ne… Oh...

She’s like blushing? They’re flirting? I just…

9) I get everyone freaking out about Spike’s trigger being activated, but the truth is, the trigger seemed to be dormant until they went messing with his head. What I don’t get is Spike wanting them to unchain him, though. It doesn’t make much sense when he had chained himself before and even asked Buffy to off him a couple of times. Why would he want to be free now that he knows he could still hurt people? I understand they were building up the conflict between Buffy/Spike vs Giles/Robin by having him ask to be released and having Buffy agree with him WHEN IT’S OBVIOUS HE SHOULD BE CHAINED UNTIL THEY FIGURE IT OUT AND IT’S COMPLETELY OOC FOR BOTH HIM AND BUFFY TO ARGUE OTHERWISE.

10) I fucking love Drusilla’s reaction here…

WILLIAM We'll ravage this city together, my pet. Lay waste to all of Europe. The three of us will teach those snobs and elitists with their falderal just what—

DRUSILLA Three?

WILLIAM You, me, and mother. 

11) And then he goes and does the most sexual thing a vampire can do with a human BUT he’s surprised when that other thing happens? I’m sorry, but your relationship with your mom was weird way before she made a move on you…

12) I truly don’t get why they can’t read into The First’s actions and realize that it was manipulating them into doing exactly what they were planning to do. It’s so obvious to me, and I expected more from Giles, tbh. I can understand Robin because he had a personal vendetta against Spike and that’s obviously more important to him than the grand scheme of things. But Giles?

ROBIN Mr. Giles... You got a moment?

GILES What's on your mind?

ROBIN The same thing that's on yours. We got ourselves a problem.

GILES Spike.

ROBIN Yeah, if that trigger is still working, then the First must be waiting for just the right time to use it against us.

GILES It does seem doubtful the First simply forgot it had such a powerful weapon.

ROBIN Yeah, a while back, it slipped up. It told Andrew it wasn't time yet for Spike. So, whatever the First's ultimate plan is, it's obvious that Spike must play an integral part in that. Something needs to be done.

GILES Buffy would never allow it

Robin conveniently leaves out the fact that The First contacted him personally and divulged the fact that Spike had killed his mother. It truly doesn’t get more obvious than that! And I understand why Robin wouldn’t care. It was selfish but totally understandable.

On the other hand, Giles’s stance is rather disappointing. Not only because he fails to read between the lines but also because he’s clearly underestimating Buffy’s ability to make the tough calls when push comes to shove. Buffy had always proven that she has what it takes to make sacrifices for the greater good, even if that means dying or killing someone she loves. And at the same time, we know that she finds strength in her emotions and her love for others. So it’s kind of bewildering that Giles doubts her at this point.

There’s also the hypocrisy of him washing his hands clean off her when she needed him the most and was actively asking for his help but trying to dictate her actions and decisions now by deceiving her. I think that’s what gets me angry, really. It’s not his trying to off Spike, as daft a move that was. It’s his lying to her and deceiving her in order to do something he knew she wouldn’t agree to.

13) So, this is for the greater good, Robin? Hmmm…. 

It looks more like you’re trying to fulfill your revenge fantasy. Or maybe he had a weird crosses fetish?

14) I mean…

ROBIN No, I don't wanna kill you, Spike. I wanna kill the monster who took my mother away from me.

Technically, he could never kill the monster who killed his mother. To begin with, Spike has a soul now and by the show’s standards, he wasn’t the same person who’d killed Nikki. This is the reason why Robin chooses to use the trigger. But the monster that shows up when Spike’s trigger goes off is not the person who’d killed Nikki either. When Spike’s under the influence of the trigger he seems to be a much more primal, instinct-driven, lethal vampire, which is not the pre-soul Spike we’ve known.

15) I really like how the fight is juxtaposed with the scene between Spike and his mom. It’s a really nice way to show how he gets to accept and overcome the burden that makes the trigger work. You can see that he’s beaten not because of Robin’s punches but because of what he’s remembering.

I mean, who wouldn’t be traumatized…?

16) I kind of see some of the points both of them make during their final conversation. Spike, as usual, makes some very good observations as regards Robin and his vendetta against him in the sense that he’s trying to put the blame on Spike for getting robbed of his childhood when that’s not really the case. While it’s not true that Nikki “knew what she was signing up for” because being a Slayer is not a career choice or even a calling, she did choose to put her duties as a Slayer before her personal and family life, which is why she ended up getting killed. I think it would be interesting to see how she got that mentality. I can imagine her arriving at the conclusion that she had the chance to make the world a better place for her kid, which makes a lot of sense in my opinion. I can’t help but see her “the mission is what matters” statement as influenced by the Black Power movement, too. The thing is, the fact that Robin grew up without a mom was the result of a number of reasons. That doesn’t take away from the fact that Spike was, indeed, his mom’s murderer, but it feels like Robin was trying to channel his anger into Spike because he couldn’t deal with the fact that he resented his mother for not choosing him over her job. On some level, he must’ve blamed his mother, too. It’s just a very complex issue, and I don’t think Robin would’ve gotten over the whole thing just by killing Spike.

17) I’m not a fan of the resolution, though. The fact that Spike overcomes his trauma by pissing all over Robin’s in the most brutal way feels so wrong and unnecessary, and I don’t understand why the writers made that choice and expected the viewers to see Spike as the hero in that scenario. Of course, I didn’t want him to get killed and I do like how he got rid of the trigger – by being forced to confront what he probably deems his most horrible deed and understanding that what matters about his relationship with his mom is not its ending but everything that came before. But I don’t get why he had to be so brutal with Robin in order to do that? Telling him that his mom didn’t love him and all that? Like, these are all things Robin probably thought himself a million times before, but having someone else spit them out in your face – your mom’s murderer of all people – feels like the ultimate humiliation and I don’t appreciate the writers building up Spike as a “strong/badass” character again by trashing Robin in such a horrible way. I can’t imagine how anyone would cheer for Spike here? It feels wrong to do so.

18) This is the moment you choose to bring this up, Giles? Why wasn’t this an issue before? Why didn’t you question this before?

GILES You want Spike here even after what he's done to you in the past?

It’s such a douche move to bring this up when it suits your purposes instead of showing concern about this because, I don’t know, you’re worried about Buffy reconnecting with her attempted rapist?

19)

BUFFY I'm in the fight of my life.

VAMPIRE Really?

BUFFY Not you, Richard.

“Not you, Richard” is going to be my new “Take it easy, Joan.” I’m calling it. 

20) I just love how the second Buffy realizes that Giles has been stalling her, she slays the vamp without even looking. It probably was harder for her to not kill him.

21) This also rubs me the wrong way…

BUFFY You try anything again, he'll kill you. More importantly, I'll let him. I have a mission to win this war, to save the world. I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters.

I get that she strongly believes Spike is a warrior they need in this fight, but that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t stop him from killing Robin, someone who’s also an asset – vendetta or not - but more importantly, an innocent person. This is so unusually cold of Buffy, and I don’t like it at all.

22) I don’t know why Giles assumed that Robin would succeed in killing Spike? If he’d been smart and sneaky about it, of course, but Robin was more concerned about his vendetta and putting on a big show, he was probably the least qualified person to try and kill Spike because of how emotionally involved he was in the whole thing. It’s precisely because of his emotions that he didn’t succeed. And besides, fighter or not, he didn’t stand a chance against William the Bloody, which is the one he wanted to fight. Giles was kind of stupid, tbh. Like, he trusted this guy who he barely even knew with a very important task, one that would cost him his relationship with Buffy. And he didn’t even bother to make sure that Robin would do it in a foolproof way.

23) See the hypocrisy?

BUFFY He's alive. Spike's alive. Wood failed.

GILES Well, that doesn't change anything. What I told you is still true. You need to learn—

24) This is Buffy’s kiss of death, tbh, and I fucking love it, it’s so extra.

25) I’m kind of torn when it comes to this episode. I feel like it’s a solid episode in the sense that it explores both Robin’s and Spike’s issues with their mothers and Buffy’s relationship with her mentor/father figure. On the other hand, this is an episode that centers around three of my favorite characters in the show – Buffy, Spike, and Giles – and I can’t say that I like any of them in it. I can handle not liking one of them at once, but shaking my head at all of them simultaneously is too much for my poor fangirl heart, you know? I don’t know. They come across as idiotic, brutal, and cold, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I love these characters, and watching them act so unlike themselves for the sake of the plot… I just get this uncomfortable feeling I can’t shake off. I feel... like second-hand wrongness or something.

26) If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[the-master-cylinder]

SUMMARY Ship’s engineer Andrew Braddock (York) and two other men are floating in a lifeboat in the middle of the Pacific following the wreck of the ship Lady Vain. One dies at sea. After seventeen days at sea, Braddock and the other man land on an island, where the other man accompanying Braddock is promptly killed by animals. Braddock is nursed back to health in the compound governed by the mysterious scientist “Dr. Moreau” (Lancaster). Besides Moreau, the inhabitants of the compound include Moreau’s associate, Montgomery (Davenport), a mercenary; Moreau’s mute, misshapen servant, M’Ling (Cravat); and a ravishing young woman named Maria (Carrera). Moreau warns Braddock not to leave the compound at night.

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Moreau welcomes Braddock as an honored guest and willingly shares his fine library, but there are some strange goings-on. One day Braddock witnesses Moreau and Montgomery manhandling a chained creature who is clearly not quite human, and the island is home to more than just this one recites the laws Moreau passed on to them. Moreau explains that they are, in fact, the hybrid products of his experiments upon various species of wild animal. Braddock is both shocked and curious. Moreau explains that he is injecting the animals with a serum containing human genetic material. At times, the human/animal hybrids still have their animal instincts and don’t quite behave like a human which sometimes enrages Moreau, feeling that his experiments haven’t worked successfully. That night, as Braddock is reeling from learning the truth, Maria goes to his room where they have sex. It is implied that this is intended by Moreau.

The following day, Braddock takes a rifle and leaves the compound, determined to see exactly how the hybrid creatures live. He enters a cave and finds several of them (all male). Just as he is surrounded by them and about to use the rifle to defend himself, Moreau appears and restores order. The Sayer of the Law (Richard Basehart) is the only one of Moreau’s experimental beasts who can speak; Moreau calls on him to utter the three laws (no going around on all fours, no eating of human flesh, no taking of other life) aloud to the other creatures. This reminds them that they must not attack Braddock.

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After the Bull-Man (Bob Ozman) kills a tiger, Moreau intends to take it to the “house of pain”, his laboratory, as punishment. The Bull-Man panics and runs. Braddock finds it in the jungle, badly injured, where it begs him to kill it rather than return it to the lab. Braddock shoots it, angering the man-beasts, as Braddock has broken the law of killing.

Convinced that Moreau is insane, Braddock prepares to leave the island with Maria. Moreau stops them and straps Braddock to the table in his lab. He then injects him with another serum so that he can hear Braddock describe the experience of becoming animalistic. Caged, Braddock struggles to maintain his humanity. When Montgomery objects to this treatment, Moreau shoots him in cold blood.

Outside the compound, the angry man-beasts turn on Moreau because by killing Montgomery, he has broken the very rule he expected them to follow. He is killed at the compound’s gate while trying to whip his attackers into submission. The man-beasts, now overpowered by their primitive natures, go on a rampage to try and break into the compound and destroy the house of pain as the Sayer of the Law states “There is no law.”

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Braddock, still struggling to remain human, Maria, M’Ling, and the still-coherent and benign beastfolk servant women stave them off and engineer an escape through the compound. Eventually, the man-beasts break-in and the compound is burned. In the chaos, the wild animals which Moreau kept for his experiments are turned loose and a battle ensues between them and the hybrids. Most of the man-beasts are killed by the animals or consumed by the fire, the Sayer of the Law’s throat torn out by a tiger, the Bear-Man tackled off a roof by a black panther, and the lion-man is mauled by a normal lion. During the final escape, M’Ling risks his life to save his companions from a lion and both fall into a pit trap.

Braddock and Maria manage to float away in the lifeboat that Braddock arrived in, but are followed by a Bear-Man (David Cass) who is one of the last man-beasts. After a battle with each other, Braddock kills the Bear-Man with a broken oar. Sometime later, they see a passing ship, and the serum has worn off, returning Braddock to his full human state as Maria looks on with catlike eyes.

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PRODUCTION In December, however, producers Sandy Howard and Samuel Z. Arkoff descended upon the small island resort of St. Croix in the Virgin Islands with dozens of cast and crew members, tons of equipment, and a menagerie of wild animals. There, in the lush rainforest of the island community, a new $7.25 million adaptation of THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU was filmed in its entirety. The period piece, set in 1911, stars Burt Lancaster in the title role. The young hero, enduring yet another name change to Andrew Braddock, is played by Michael York, and Richard Basehart steps into the role essayed by Bela Lugosi.

Although the producers, and director Don Taylor, insist that the picture is not a remake of the 1932 production, it does retain many of the elements of the earlier adaptation, including a female lead in the person of Barbara Carrera as Maria. An added twist in the new version finds Moreau, distraught that his creatures invariably revert to animals, attempting to conduct his humanizing experiments in reverse on Braddock.

Lancaster & Taylor

“Right around that point, Burt showed up in Cannes, and he tore the place apart just walking down the street the people went ape, because he’s an old star. and I guess they don’t get many old stars there anymore. That convinced us that we should use Burt. But even he had some hesitation, so I went and I talked to him. He said, “You got a problem with the script.” I said, “Yeah, but what picture have you done lately that didn’t?’ We did have a problem with the script, and we did a serious rewrite on it that…didn’t work, unfortunately. But Burt was very good, because he was secure with me: I took care of him, watched him. That’s my whole theory of directing: security. Give the actor security and, to a great degree, let him go. Sometimes you’re able to do that completely, like I did with Burt and sometimes you’re not-that’s when you get into trouble. Burt worked very hard.” – Don Taylor

SPECIAL EFFECTS Highlighting the film are Moreau’s grotesque “humanimals,” created by the makeup wizardry of John Chambers and Dan Striepeke, who had earlier worked together on the PLANET OF THE APES series and numerous other projects. Working from sketches and models, Chambers and his crew made casts of their actors’ faces and then elaborated upon their facial structures with clay. The clay was then used to make molds from which foam rubber appliances were made that were affixed to the skin and then blended to match the still-visible portions of the actors’ faces. In this manner, a boarman, bullman, hyenaman, lionman, bearman, and the wolfish Sayer of the Law were created. Human features derived from a goat, lynx, ram, badger, and baboon were also designed in mask form for less prominent roles. An orangutanman was developed, but when the producers objected on the basis that it might look like a PLANET OF THE APES rip-off, some more hair was added and it was redubbed a slothman.

The two men recognized that the makeup would lie somewhere between the Primal Man concept and the Planet of the Apes concept. The mechanics had already been licked in these previous films, but the concept would take some doing. They worked with Sandy Howard in developing the creatures. Although they studied the original film version of The Island of Dr Moreau, which was titled Island of Lost Souls (1933), they felt that they could offer much more than could have been done in 1933.

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Concept art created by Mike McCracken for the The Island of Dr. Moreau. Several paintings, drawings, maquettes were created for the designs of the creatures.. the “Humanimals” as they were called. The pre-production started in 1975 with John Chambers, Danny Striepeke and McCracken. Mike created pencil sketches of the characters first, drawings were then selected and from those selections he created more fully developed illustrations in oil and acrylic on canvas and on illustration board.

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After illustrations were selected McCracken sculpted numerous maquettes of those characters, from those maquette he then sculpted all of the prosthetics. A makeup test done in early 1976 of the Lionman, the Boarman and Hyenaman to show the producers Samuel Z. Arkoff and Sandy Howard how the makeup designs would look. They loved them and based on that successful makeup test a revised script was written to include more Humanimals.

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Striekpeke went to the Islands first, doing makeup on Burt Lancaster and Michael York and others. Chambers remained back at the lab with his crew preparing enough appliances. The requirements changed continually up until the last moment.

Surprisingly, the trouble with Dr. Moreau, according to director Don Taylor, was the makeups. “I inherited something that I couldn’t do anything about,” he says, “and that was the appliances that had been made chins, noses and foreheads for all these man-animals. The idea was that these animal men should have been grotesque half human and half beast. But they were all Disney, cuddly. You wanted to kiss ’em. I couldn’t make any grotesquerie out of em at all.” – Don Taylor

The first makeup on Michael York was created by Dan Striekpeke. He created a sunburnt, blistered, dehydrated look brought about from the shipwreck Michael survives. York becomes the first specimen that Dr. Moreau attempts to transform from human to animal, the norm being from animal to human.

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Chambers had created appliances so that he could subtly transform York into a wolf without the audience realizing it.  Chambers and his staff prepared as many as three separate makeup designs for each creature, varying in degree as to human and animal components. “For example,” Chambers explained, “at one point you see the bullman with little nubs where his horns start, and then later you see him with great big horns. But that presented a problem because you couldn’t identify him. I said to Don Taylor: ‘How are you going to identify them, unless you say, “Look, the bullman has changed.” You gonna put baseball numbers on them?’ So we had to throw out the intermediate steps, except in two or three cases. We showed Mling being dragged and taken back to the House of Pain to be rejuvenated, or whatever. And the same with the lionman. We take him from 70% lion and make him 15%. But you see him being taken away and then brought back out to the cart – you know it’s him. And they put a colored patch on his shoulder that was his baseball number.”

Rick Baker’s Lion Man test makeup (Rejected)

Chambers did anticipate problems with the appliances and the moisture, particularly because some of the action required fighting scenes in the water. Special adhesives were used, and the problem never arose. Chambers was quite proud of the teeth he designed and created. They were veneer and tamped right in. Despite the fighting  with the actual animals, there were no broken real teeth, and the actors could talk with them, too.

Early Version of Boarman by Mike McCraken

One scene called for the Bullman to be attacked by a real Bengal tiger, and Striekpeke created a fiberglass helmet from a mold of Bob Ozman’s head. It was outfitted with straps and a protective covering. The production staff had been advised that when an animal attacks—provided he does become “wild’’ enough to do so—he could snap at a head or neck in an attempt to crush the skull. Because they were going to train the tiger to bite one of the Bullman’s horns off anyway, they felt every possible precaution should be exercised.

Yes, of course. I’ve done simple martial arts kinds of things. But, as an example of what I said earlier, it was during the shooting of The Island of Doctor Moreau that my karate training truly became useful to me. Because I’d learned a few things about balance, eye contact and the importance of not showing fear, I was able to work with the big cats more effectively. It made me feel good when I knew that what I was doing, how I was controlling the tiger’s actions, would save or even make a shot. A human being can’t compete with that kind of tremendous power. And, that’s something that young people should realize about karate; there are real, human limitations. However, on the movie, it was knowing how to get the cat’s attention, by looking at him a certain way. I used a kiai on one shot to scare the cat and make him attack. Sometimes the attacks became real. It was my martial arts training that told me not to show fear. A good elbow strike, or back fist came in handy at those moments, too. – Bob Ozman/Bullman

  However, York, taking “dramatic license,” wanted to do the part dramatically and physically rather than with appliances. Striekpeke did a beautiful job in creating an effective makeup using highlights and shadows and a little hair. The makeup, combined with York’s performance, achieved the effect very successfully.

The other actors who are seen (or not seen, actually) as the Remaining key mutated creatures all had to be expert stuntmen. The script called for a battleroyale between the new species and Wiwir four-footed counterparts lion, a tiger, a boar, a bull and a hyena. Most stuntmen refuse to work with exotic animals, so these were selected on the basis of their association with animal behavior training by Ralph and Toni Helfer, animal experts who own and operate Enchanted Village in Buena Park, California.

Bob Ozman, who plays the half-man, half-bull creature, owns a karate school and has always worked with animals, which made him a natural for the film. However, in comparing his acting stint to his other encounters with wild animals as a trainer, he comments, “I found it more of a challenge and much scarier than any of the outrageous and so-called dangerous stunts I’ve ever performed before.”

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The tiger did try to bite Bob Ozman, who was playing the Bullman, on the back of the neck, and another time a fang just grazed his eyes. Both times the helmet was the lifesaving factor. Striekpeke had to repair it after the first encounter, which is some indication of how severe the attack was. At other times, the tiger would slash at a hand, tearing off a foam-rubber glove.

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Makeup calls varied from three a.m. to four a.m. It took four hours per person to make them into a Humanimal, mainly because there were so many appliances involved. The Wardrobe Department helped a great deal with other parts of the costumes such as fur jackets. Although the makeup could probably have been completed in three and a half hours, Chambers and Striekpeke insisted on an allowance of at least four, and the cameras were never held up.

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In spite of his star status, actor Richard Basehart also had to respond to that incredibly early call, for his part was to play the leader of the humanimals, a wolf by birth, the “Sayer of the Low.” In the film, he attempts to maintain the human half of his follow creatures and to void the animal instincts that smolder within. As an example of the technical care lavished on the movie, Basehart wore special contact lenses to simulate wolf eyes, since he was frequently seen in close-up shots. He also had a hump built onto his back, because he stands too erect otherwise to represent one of the man-beasts.

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RELEASE/DISTRIBUTION Reportedly, several endings were shot, including a couple of shockers in which Braddock, after escaping the island debacle with the now-pregnant Maria whom he loves, suddenly discovers that she is not what he thinks, but rather the pinnacle of Moreau’s unorthodox experimentation. In one ending, she begins to revert back to her former feline form, and in another, she gives birth, not to a child, but to a tiger kitten. Presumably, sneak preview responses will dictate which ending makes it into general release.

CAST/CREW Directed Don Taylor

Produced Skip Steloff John Temple-Smith

Written Al Ramrus John Herman Shaner

Based on The Island of Doctor Moreau by H. G. Wells

Burt Lancaster as Dr. Paul Moreau Michael York as Andrew Braddock Nigel Davenport as Montgomery Barbara Carrera as Maria Richard Basehart as Sayer of the Law Nick Cravat as M’Ling The Great John L. as Boar-Man Bob Ozman as Bull-Man Fumio Demura as Hyena-Man Gary Baxley as Lion-Man John Gillespie as Tiger-Man David Cass as Bear-Man

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY brightlightsfilm.com martialartsentertainment Starlog#11 Starlog#165 Cinefantastique v06n01 Cinefantastique v05n02

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977) Retrospective SUMMARY Ship's engineer Andrew Braddock (York) and two other men are floating in a lifeboat in the middle of the Pacific following the wreck of the ship Lady Vain.

[theratinthewalls]

TAP.

… TAP … SLAM!!! The man’s palm hit hard against the window- nearly shaking the panel. She watched as the man within the confines of the glass chamber jerked his head upwards- eyes glassy and pale as his body swayed gently back and forth- his neck extended as a low guttural noise escaped his mouth- his throat. His back stretching taut as his mouth dropped wide- displaying flesh full of pus filled sores. She could barely hear him over the humming of the air filters within the room- keeping the oxygen that he received fresh- wouldn’t want stagnant air to ruin testing. Not that it would. It started as an exaggerated twitch on the right side of the man’s face- awkward and undulating- then starting to make its way across the other muscles in an escalating fashion- rippling like waves across his features. Jacksonian seizure- startle seizure? Perhaps a mix of both- there was no doubt that the events were triggered by her pounding. He uttered a cry- one that was not as difficult as his previous attempt at an auditory representation- no- this time it was a loud, primal cry. Something high pitched and new- like a child shrieking as it is first come into the world. “Begin audio log- start recording within Aquarium- scans of brain activity, heart rate, and other vital functions- store data in back up drives- begin observations on my mark.” A soft click echoed through the lab- her pale eyes observing the man as she smiled softly- her lab was queuing up the necessary equipment for her observation. A pleasant chime echoed through the room as she bit down softly on her lip- tracing her delicate fingers over the glass. The lights within the room dimmed- and the subject stopped moving for a moment- those haunted eyes of his becoming clear for one short moment as she released her lip from the grip of her teeth. What was in those previously empty voids was fear- deep and agonizing. This man was terrified. Clicking her tongue in satisfaction- this was what she had been waiting for. This was exactly how the body was supposed to react to the virus- this was… Perfect. “We all fall down.” The windows of the “aquarium” lit up- running different points of data across the glass in brilliant colors. Different images popped up depicting x-ray views of his vital organs. Points with heart rate- a chart with fluctuating brain activity- well, no… that’s not entirely true. It had been fluctuating- now it was dropping. Steady downfall- the frontal lobe was performing far below standard expectations. It was hardly functioning at this point- and right behind it in means of failing was the cerebrum. Within the aquarium’s glass walls, where Corey was observing statistics and charts, were constantly shifting visual stimuli- creating and exposing the subject to an onslaught of- what would normal be- jarring materials. Rape. Murder. Wedding. Birth. Things that cause great emotions within humans in normal situations. Most of them remained with their original audio tracks But the man- the man noticed nothing- images of a man brutally beating and molesting his wife- her screams, his shouts- they didn’t even cause an ant hill as far as the cerebrum readings were concerned. Whatever had made this man who he was… it was gone. All that was left was this husk of a man- ah, but even that may have been on its way to be an untrue statement. Corey’s hands brushed against the glass gently- tracing over his heart rate- which was skyrocketing at this point. Another sharp cry escaped the man- as a jettison of blood flew from his nostrils; a fresh spray gushing forth in rhythm with his heart beat. The man’s swaying grew more intense now- no- not swaying- seizing. Seizing that started at the the base of the skull and sent his body into a swaying rhythm- a sick and mesmerizing dance of his nerves and motor function- alight with information it didn’t know what to do with. It wasn’t his whole body that was making the action- it was his spine. Spinning and curving in a gentle circle- abnormal and typically improbable. Basal writhing. She felt herself getting more and more excited as she watched- was that so wrong, though? --after all the time she’d put into the contagion and all the hunting for the perfect host for it to spread and grow. Of course she was excited- this was like watching a child come into the world-- every new symptom like a cry to let everyone know that it was here. He let out another anguished cry, and she felt her skin prickling- that he was even able to make such a noise was extraordinary. Those pustules that she saw in his mouth weren’t just on his tongue and cheeks- they slid down his esophagus- they were in his nostrils. Every mucus membrane! Not to mention the swelling! Her eyes slipped to the readings for the brain- speaking of swelling; she wondered if his head hurt. She wondered if his skull felt like it was going to burst from the pressure of his brain swelling. The organ wrapped in an increasingly tightening vice as every moment passed. He was dying- no, not even just that. He was suffering- and if you were to ask her? Why, he deserved every moment of it. He’d been the one that had tossed her to the feds when they came sniffing around at Vulgate. He was the one that had a vendetta against her since she had fallen in love with the crime lord she woke to every morning. He was the one that tried to get all the attention taken away from his head-- but it had backfired hadn’t it, Jeremy? Howard made sure that Corey didn’t see a minute inside of a prison cell… and now he was locked in her old lab. The one his company had provided her to begin with. Funny how they’d forgotten. Vengeance wasn’t just sweet in this instance. It was the most delectable meal she could have ever served up. Her mouth nearly watering and forthing as she watched his suffering as she-- She heard a new noise coming from the aquarium- and was met with the subject swaying off balance- hitting the floor hard just in time for blood and vomit to project in a stream from his mouth and throat into the air. He began to experience more classic seizures now- body starting to shake and tremor uncontrollably. The liquid continued to escape him- and splash back into his face- nostrils- throat- chest. He started coughing- beginning to choke on his own fluids. A few more moments of this- and with one last sputtering wheeze… he stopped and fell silent. Corey’s eyes remained on him for several moments- lips pursing; now was the time to consider what she was going to do with him. Heh. No, that was an easy answer. “Prepare decon showers- and open access to The Pit. Ready recording for autopsy in two hours.” This was only the beginning for this gentleman- he had helped her with something new- and for her to harness that… she was going to need to open him up. She straightened her skirt, and looked at the corpse that lie as hot as a virus riddled bio-reactor in her personal human aquarium. She’d need her prosector’s kit, her chain mail glove, and a nice hunk of time to rip this man apart. She wanted to get her work done… and prepare some viral glass panes. Prototype Virus A was a complete success-- and it deserved a name after she did a more thorough inspection and started a more streamlined manufacturing process. Of course,  Howard was waiting for her tonight-- and they were going to have a nice dinner together… luckily the glass took some time to make without her presence required.

It hadn’t happened. Then it had. Then it hadn’t. Timelines crossed and changed again and again--  the creature she’d so loved ttoying with her life time and time again. But now? Well, now she was like it was and now they were both playing the little game that it had dictated so long ago. It had found its place in Gotham City as a crime lord… and she? Well, she was a supporting character and wicked scientist (oh, and how perfect was Gotham for such a role?) turned love interest for the crime boss. Forays behind his “wife’s” back- right up until they consumed her (in the sense of devouring her soul, and cannibalizing the body, of course-- a trademark they worked on together) and experiments run to make his men perfect weapons against meta humans and the police force alike. It was fun to tamper with the mortals, wasn’t it? That’s what it had certainly taught her. A wretched and sickening couple for sure.

This was the life it had pretended to make for her once upon a time-- the life she would have kept living were it her decision in the first place. The comfortable, if not absolutely wicked, living with Howard (how Kismet had always been her love)-- doing the things that they did best. That it made sure she did best.

But deep down? There was still a fondness that she had for those from the life she’d been living. A fondness for the Central City Rogues who had taken her in like family. --and until the time came where she’d have to betray them as well? Well, it would go on that she was still the daughter of one of their old colleagues. Was a smiling face and a friend to them-- right up until she would show them that true face she had. But there was time before that, most certainly.

But for now… well now so many more doors had been opened for her-- whether she’d show her true nature or give a smile and pretend to be that sweet young girl anymore. Not that she was. Not really. That’s why the blind creature beyond the stars began making such horrible noises-- the closest it could make to laughter. It understood now-- it understood what it was that its mate had always enjoyed so much. Why it had, in the end, taken what existed of Courtney Bowen and reshaped it into something more like itself… to have its companion to play these games together. To meddle in the lives of lesser beings.

All for the sake of chaos.

[magickllama]

So I’ve been thinking about horror games lately.

Honestly, they don’t really do it for me. The whole genre is going in weird directions and the effect gets lost on me. So I got to thinking (in the shower, of course) about what kind of horror game I would find effective. Following is some of what I came up with (long post ahead)

The biggest part of horror games, especially monster-themed ones, where they start to lose me is... death. You have these creative mechanisms, and meta elements, and neat monsters, but it usually boils down to: if you get caught, you die. That’s the driving motivation, to not die. Which is fine, because in our brains fear and survival are very closely related. But most of the time in these games it’s too sudden; it’s all over too fast. There’s a jumpscare, a burst of static, whatever, and you get a bloody Game Over logo. But that ruins the effect of the game for me. I’m snapped into reality, like “Oh. Okay. I’m playing a game and I just lost. Better try again!” But that’s not where I find true horror.

My scariest video game experience was actually not in a horror game, but rather Far Cry 3. I was jogging through a waist-deep stream when suddenly BAM! I’m suddenly and violently jerked under the water. It’s first-person, I’m thrashing around, the water is murky, and there’s this big ol alligator snapping it’s jaws RIGHT in my face. And fucking quicktime buttons pop up. I’m overwhelmed and panicking, and I mess up the quicktime and die. That really shook me up. It was visceral and real, but I had the chance to escape and failed. That’s a mechanism that we need to see more in horror games. Which leads to my idea.

I was thinking of a game where a driving theme is being lost. There’s a huge, creepy, monster-filled open area that you have to find an exit from, painstakingly memorizing landmarks and navigating. And you can find items to help you occasionally; flashlight, compass, etc etc etc. But you’re being stalked. You try to avoid monsters when you detect traces of you, but when they do get you? It’s sudden and brutal, like an animal attack. And they don’t kill you, at least not right there. They drag you quickly in a random directions, and you’re violently rolling and bouncing and dirt and blood are splattered on the screen. And while all this is happening, quicktime events begin. Long, complicated ones that consume a lot of your focus, with some margin for error but that can take up to a minute to break out of. And if you escape you’re dumped wherever you were dragged to, and you have to figure out where that is. What direction where you being dragged in? Were you paying enough attention? Is it worth it to try to work back to your dropped pack, and continue in the area you recognize? The better you do in the quicktime, the faster you’re dropped, and thus the easier it is to successfully backtrack.

What if you don’t break out? I’m imagining there’s different types of monsters, with varying difficulties of quicktime chains. If you don’t get enough right in a time limit, you reach the monster’s lair. And that’s where you die, preferably in a slow, terrifyingly inevitable way that drives home that you had a chance to escape but you failed. Say you’re tossed against the back wall of a cave, and the beast that you’ve previously only caught glimpses of prowls closer. You start to make out its gruesome features, and then it leaps right up in your face and violently, gorily mauls you. Or you’re dangled over a pit where you can just make out the writhing nest of baby monsters below, and then plunge right into them. You still have button controls operable, but they’re sluggish because you’re disoriented and concussed from the dragging, and it’s never quite responsive enough to avoid your fate. This doesn’t happen often; you can usually escape with the quicktime events, but certain monsters are much harder. You get these rare death scenes and learn to particularly fear those kinds of monster, and try to avoid them more than others when you glimpse them or hear them in the wild.

There are three points to this approach. First, it would feel more real. Instead of creepy Lovecraftian monsters with equally bizarre and unsettling supernatural powers, this would have more of a primal, animalistic feel to it. Something that a part of you recognizes instinctively and fears, all the way down to your DNA. Second, it’s more involved. Such a game isn’t just about avoiding monsters, but a panicked struggle against them where you actually have a fighting chance to escape - if you can keep your wits about you. And third, avoiding death isn’t a primary motivation. You more seek to avoid disorientation. Other elements of the game would really push that “lost and alone” vibe, and make you cling to anything you begin to find familiar. Sure, the death scenes are shocking, but what twinges your gut more is winding up in unfamiliar territory after so much working and mental mapping, and losing your valuable gear as well.

So yeah that’s what I had bouncing around in my head. Maybe there’s something already like this out there, who knows. I don’t play a lot of horror games. But I liked this concept and kinda just wanted to share it :^)

[sullenarchives]

Ghost Box and the sound of horror

Originally published in Sight and Sound, December 2015

In Roy Ward Baker's 1967 Hammer remake of the BBC serial Quatermass And The Pit, the undead consciousness of insectoid Martians haunting a Tube station appears first as noise. Tristram Cary's soundtrack renders the powers responsible for centuries of demonic sightings – humanity's own forgotten ancestors – as squealing electronic tones and echoing pulses that fold into a granular rumbling as Sladden (Duncan Lamont), possessed by their “spiritual evil”, collapses in a graveyard, the earth writhing under him. Horror – and here Cary and sound editor Roy Hyde work a perceptive variation on the sonic structure of horror film going back to the 1930s – is that which is unseen but whose very absence is visible; imagination, working from the image-bank of primal and forgotten fears, supplies the rest.

That was the principle that underpinned The Seance At Hobs Lane, by Mount Vernon Arts Lab, the project of Glaswegian musician and geographer Drew Mulholland. When it was reissued in 2007 by the Ghost Box label, it marked an evolution in what was already one of the most fascinating British audiovisual projects of the 2000s. The very fact that, despite not having originally released the 53 minutes of abstract, crepuscular rumbling that Mulholland teases from Quatermass, it fit perfectly into their catalogue suggests what is unique about the label: that they have, over the last decade, built up a world as heterogeneous, perplexing and coherent in its illusionism as the best of British horror film.

The label has just celebrated its first decade with a new 2-disc compilation, In A Moment… Ghost Box. It's hard to recapture how strange and opaque the first Ghost Box releases seemed, and the puzzling mix of elements that made up its aesthetic. As Simon Reynolds suggests in his sleevenotes, much of it came from the film and television of the post-war childhoods of co-founders Julian House and Jim Jupp (who record as The Focus Group and Belbury Poly respectively): tense pastoral horrors like The Wicker Man, Blood on Satan's Claw and Witchfinder General, disturbing avant-garde children's serials turned out by Granada and the BBC like The Changes, Children Of The Stones and The Tomorrow People, ropey pop music shows, Public Information Films that lingered on death and mishap, soundtracked by flutes and lilting synthesisers. (The label's very name evokes audiovisual media – the TV that brought these unheimlich spectres into the heart of the home – rather than just music.) The paternalist modernism of BBC Schools programs and Pelican paperbacks – which influenced House's sleeve designs – became braided with the time-warp eeriness that pervades horror of this period and the innovative electronic soundtracks that – as has now become almost a cliché in horror scholarship – flowed through them. Behind the jaunty-but-queasy collages of The Focus Group's We Are All Pan's People – whose sleeve recasts the Top Of The Pops dance troupe as occult bacchantes – or Belbury Poly's The Owl's Map lie not only, say, Daphne Oram's soundtrack for The Innocents (1961), Desmond Briscoe's cues for The Stone Tape (1972), Krzysztof Komeda's work on Roman Polanski's 60s films, or any number of perturbing moments produced by members of the BBC Radiophonic Workshop, but the hermetic, inescapable fictional worlds they constituted. It was never just spooky music background but an audiovisual intervention into the archive of horror cinema.

Much of the commentary on the early Ghost Box releases emphasised their status as “sonic fictions”, to use Mark Fisher's phrase. This wasn't, in retrospect, quite right. Out of sparse visual and sonic traces scattered across the records, House and Jupp created an entire mythology. They seemed like the lounge music of an alternative timeline where the post-war consensus never ended, or even changed, as eerily persistent as the buried presence of the Martians in Quatermass.... Their power was formal – the uneven, unstable conjunction of sound and vision – rather than purely deriving from their eerie content. They sounded not just like soundtracks to imagined films, but revelations of the power of film sound itself to construct and twist the apparent naturalness of the world. The modernist grids of House's sleeve designs mapped on to the disruptive edits that organised the sampled fragments of The Focus Group's tracks. They mapped in turn onto 70s horror's use of sound design to suture the spectator into a shifting world of terrifying suggestion. The strange shifts of The Advisory Circle's Other Channels – perhaps the label's best release – in which distant footsteps turn suddenly into up-close synthesiser noise, in which sampled dialogue switches into distorted screams, could be compared with the razor edits and dreamy sound design, at once dense and spacey, of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) or Lizard In A Woman's Skin (1971).

What distinguishes Ghost Box from the numerous rip-offs that have followed – the risible Public Service Broadcasting, Richard Littler's unfunny online project Scarfolk, or even Mordant Music's underwhelming Misinformation (2011) – is this audiovisual ability to summon the uncanny resonance from a few talismanic traces and techniques. As Reynolds emphasises – though perhaps not strongly enough – the best Ghost Box releases evoke atmosphere, the indeterminate Proustian memory-traces that reanimate a lost world. The threat is always melting back into the greenwood, back into media. In the Ghost Box universe there are no campy, Iconic vampires; we ourselves are the monsters, living in an age when, as Ian Penman writes, “[t]echnology (from psychoanalysis to surveillance) has made us all ghosts… contaminated by other people's memories.”

When Ghost Box began, such films were the preserve of fastidious cults defined by their modernist opposition to good taste. Fast forward ten years and they're everyone's property. Horror scholarship has caught up with the British achievement in the 1970s. As has the nostalgia industry – witness Neil LaBute's 2006 remake of The Wicker Man. After Christopher Lee's recent death, the TV tributes endlessly unspooled his Hammer roles and his turn as Lord Summerisle, now trapped in the aspic of the Iconic. The mournful retro-modernism to which the label gave a shape has become big business. Hammer has been revived and now produces meta-riffs on its own filmography, as in last year's The Quiet Ones. Peter Strickland's Berberian Sound Studio (2012) – for which House designed the title sequence of the giallo on which Toby Jones's sound engineer is working – suggested that the archival trajectory Ghost Box initiated had run its course: a horror film haunted primarily by horror film sound itself, the unstable and too-real world it created, and the repressed history it invoked – the first post-hauntological horror flick. The note of elegy that Strickland sounded – for the horror genre itself and the extremities and subtleties of modernist expression it permitted – suggests what Ghost Box's celebratory mood can't quite admit: that perhaps now the ghosts are all fled in the blinding light of commerce.

[asafeatherwould]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

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How to Pay off High Interest Credit Card Debt

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Divorce vs. Legal Separation in Utah

Divorce Lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah

Michael R. Anderson, Utah Divorce Lawyer

Source: http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

[vodsel-prime]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Reasons Parents Lose Custody of Their Children

How to Pay off High Interest Credit Card Debt

Attestation Clause in a Will

Divorce vs. Legal Separation in Utah

Divorce Lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah

Michael R. Anderson, Utah Divorce Lawyer

Source: http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

[sabrinajulie]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Reasons Parents Lose Custody of Their Children

How to Pay off High Interest Credit Card Debt

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Divorce Lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah

Michael R. Anderson, Utah Divorce Lawyer

from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

from Top Rated Utah Lawyer https://topratedlawyer.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

[emmajenna]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Reasons Parents Lose Custody of Their Children

How to Pay off High Interest Credit Card Debt

Attestation Clause in a Will

Divorce vs. Legal Separation in Utah

Divorce Lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah

Michael R. Anderson, Utah Divorce Lawyer

from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

from Divorce Attorney Salt Lake City https://ift.tt/2qTx8xJ

[bestutahattorneys1]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Reasons Parents Lose Custody of Their Children

How to Pay off High Interest Credit Card Debt

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Divorce vs. Legal Separation in Utah

Divorce Lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah

Michael R. Anderson, Utah Divorce Lawyer

from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

from Best Utah Attorneys https://bestutahattorneys.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

[jenniferramona1]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Reasons Parents Lose Custody of Their Children

How to Pay off High Interest Credit Card Debt

Attestation Clause in a Will

Divorce vs. Legal Separation in Utah

Divorce Lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah

Michael R. Anderson, Utah Divorce Lawyer

from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

from Utah Bankruptcy Law https://utahbankruptcylaw.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

[advertphoto]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

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Source: http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

[meghancheyenne]

Divorce Can Make Good People Bad

Why is it that people who seemed to be fairly rational before divorce turn into complete paranoid, hyper-defensive maniacs once the separation and divorce process begins? Couples who promised to do this divorce thing respectfully suddenly turn into ferocious warriors, letting their mean-and-petty streak show through, especially when they get into the pit with their attorney.

Sure, some people are just jerks, but what makes otherwise good people behave so poorly? It turns out this “crazy” behavior is fairly predictable and normal in such circumstances. That’s not an excuse for it, but when you better understand what’s pushing your buttons so badly, you can finally begin to make healthier choices and address the feelings of overwhelm that are triggering such unseemly (read: king of the jerks) behavior.

Here are the panic-button pushing reasons that divorce makes us act so out of character:

Disappointment Over Unmet Expectations

When you said “I do” you did so with expectations about what marriage is all about. But maybe you never fully shared those expectations with the person you actually said your vows to. Many times we don’t articulate our expectations specifically because we assume everyone just knows this is how marriage is supposed to be. But, “everyone” may only be your family and the way they did things, or your closest friends with whom you have discussed this over and over. It never included your now soon-to-be-ex-spouse who (don’t forget) came into marriage with some unspoken expectations of their own. When our deeply held expectations (like “marriage is forever, no matter what”) are unmet, we often feel betrayed, making it easy to feel indignant and cast our ex as the enemy. We believe they let us down. But, if we’re honest, were they ever fully on page with us to begin with?

The big challenge of marriage is putting both partner’s expectations on the table and then working together to create a mutually agreed upon vision for how your marriage will actually work.

Fear of Change

During periods of immense and drastic change (such as divorce), your mild-mannered brain goes into survival mode, ready at a moment’s notice to fight or retreat, thanks to that reptilian brain you inherited from your ancient ancestors.

Whether is it your fear of losing status (social, financial, etc.), a sense of uncertainty about the future, a worry that you don’t belong anymore in your social circle, or just a feeling like this whole situation is so unfair—the problem-solving part of your brain can’t do its job until your panicked reptilian brain calms down.

Uncertainty and fear about how things will turn out take a steep toll on you mentally and physically. Stress from staying in an “I’m in danger” primal mindset can short-circuit your patience, your willingness to listen, and your ability to communicate effectively. Your health is also likely to take a dive as well, making you prone to sleep deprivation and low stamina at a time when you are taking on mountains of critically important paperwork, decisions, and details as part of the divorce. So, even if you want to make good choices, the stress response of facing so much uncertainty and change at once is sure to cause you at least some temporary loss of rational thought and behavior.

Feeling Powerless and Out of Control

In normal life, you are used to being competent and in charge, but now you are thrust into the unfamiliar, unsure of how to get things done right in the divorce process (and in the new life waiting after it). You are being forced to make important decisions immediately. You have to hire a high-priced expert to navigate you through the legal aspects. And hiring a lawyer kicks off what could be seen by the other as an attack; you have drawn up sides and are now ready for war.

Communication is out the window when you feel powerless and unable to fully control things that profoundly affect your life. You have to trust your attorney (who was likely a complete stranger to you before this situation) to lead the charge and make decisions that will affect your future (and your childrens’ future) for years to come. It all costs a fortune. Is it any wonder each side feels like they are being screwed?

A Sense of Entitlement

Splitting apart all of the property (and associated memories) the two of you acquired through your sweat, equity, and hard-earned money can feel like a spiteful business transaction. Each of you has a sense of ownership and “it wouldn’t have happened without my efforts” point of view. Your decisions right now are dominated by your emotions, not your logical problem-solving self.

If you have kids, there is likely an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry that this divorce experience might be damaging them. They may even think it is their fault that mommy and daddy are splitting up. The kids end up as pawns in a fight over what you and your ex believe you each deserve or never deserved. Each of you are in it to “get yours” in the name of fairness. But the ego battle waging between you both in the pursuit of “emotional justice” ends up feeling more like scrambling down an endless tunnel with no cheese at the end.

So, what’s a stressed out person to do in order to keep divorce-induced jerky behavior in check?

Take back your dignity. Get in touch with who you are when you are at your best. Be clear about what is important to you and why, and how you want to remember yourself when this is over. Now, behave your way into that outcome.

Assemble a good team to support you in this transition from married to single. Identify where you need more information, different perspectives, and validation that will get you through this in a way that lifts you up (versus pulling you down). Pick people who can support you in being your best. Fight the urge to surround yourself with people who will urge you to seek revenge, act petty, or take your ex to the cleaners. When you look in the mirror, you want the best version of you reflecting back as you move into your new future.

Listen, listen, listen. Communicate, communicate, communicate—with your children, with your ex-spouse, and with the experts you are relying on to help you make the best decisions based on your needs, wants and values. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in how things are going. If you misstep and act like a jerk for a moment, own it, and then apologize and move on.

Remember your past successes. Take care of what is important to you, ask for help, and remember the times when you successfully dealt with challenging times in the past. What allowed you to be resilient then? How can that help you here and now? You’ve been through hard times before—you can handle this.

Dealing with a difficult ex certainly doesn’t make the divorce process any easier. But neither does being a difficult ex. So keep yourself in check. By understanding some of the hot buttons that you both are pushing in each other, then maybe you can pause, take a breath, drop the jerk behavior and make better choices.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Reasons Parents Lose Custody of Their Children

How to Pay off High Interest Credit Card Debt

Attestation Clause in a Will

Divorce vs. Legal Separation in Utah

Divorce Lawyer in Salt Lake City Utah

Michael R. Anderson, Utah Divorce Lawyer

from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/

from Lawyer South Jordan Utah https://lawyersouthjordan.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/divorce-can-make-good-people-bad/