#without any taint
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hi just wanted to take a moment and say sorry i haven't been posting a ton of my writing this month. i took it off (writing wise) for my mental health and due to not feeling entirely comfortable on here right now. i solemnly swear come july i'll be back, and hopefully worse better than ever. <3
#everyone say 'shut up ghost' in unison#july is gonna be my month (i say in the mirror over and over until i convince myself it's true)#im still writing behind the scenes but just grappling with the never ending battle of enjoying writing and loving things that bring me joy#without any taint#the internet's a weird place these days
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not to bring tiktok drama on tumblr but like every time a ‘scandal’ comes out with one of these ‘production companies’ that make fan films i always hope we’re finally gonna discuss how they professionalize something that should be an hobbyist endeavor… and yet every single time i’m disappointed.
#like I know we’ve been talking about it here on tumblr and i remember seeing like one or two videos on tt about it#but other than that creators really don’t seem to be engaging critically with the impact that the very nature of what they’re doing has#and look i truly do love the art that some of the people involved in the project make#like arone is truly one of the most talented cosplayers i know#ethan is an amazing actor and I’ve followed him since before he was even in the marauders#dorian is a great writer and idk the others as well but I’m sure they are all great artists#((naming the just cause i feel like being vague would be worse in this case))#and i do believe they engaged with the project with the best of intentions#without knowing or trying to afford grace on past controversy#and it truly is a horrible predicament to have your work be tainted like that for something you had no control over#but like i do think we should be questioning the very idea of how this fanfilms have been made is inherently a problem#like fanfilms are essentially fanfiction on camera#so as long as a few cosplayers want to get together with their iphones write a script and shoot at the local park I don’t have a problem#but if you are putting in place a product that somehow requires you to fundraise consistently for two years then I have a problem with it#ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SELLING THE SCRIPT TO DO SO#cause even if that script hadn’t been ai generated#that script is fanfiction and you do. not. sell. fanfiction.#seriously like… do we need to go over our abc again?#like fanart and cosplayers are a bit different in the sense that people sell fanart/do commissions and they can be professional cosplayers#but for any other fanmade project that requires you to put pen to paper (or keyboard to chatgpt ig)#you need to be engaging with several ethical questions regarding any exchange of money#and personally i don’t think that there’s been engagement with those ethical reflections#and this isn’t about any of the people involved and not even about mischief productions specifically#it’s about a wider issue in how we have been collectively normalizing a way of doing things that should not be normal#and like yes star using ai and being overall not good is bad but like can we talk about EVERYTHING ELSE please
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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
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*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
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“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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took a funger soul type quiz and picked choices I thought long and real hard about for an oc I've already assigned as endless and got the endless result 😎
#ajax rebane | the informant i wont u#speak iza#before i was in the process of writing him i thought to make him tainted because he really is just a tool for corrupt forces to infiltrate-#-any space without regard for him as a person. forced into this life#but i reconsidered mainly bc of his skillset (hes an informant who mainly gathers by getting people comfortable around him and smoothtalking#and has to move to a lot of places) and that hes basically in an endless loop of quests and twisting peoples wrists behind their backs to-#disarm and escape. he grits his teeth in this other endless pursuit of escape that he'll make it out someday through his own means#man i should like post the options later and explain why#also love assigning my other ocs in the other options its fun
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anyway taking my own advice and finally realizing that the deaths in the infinity castle weren't random gut punches but they were directly related to who was reincarnated and whose descendants appeared and it wasnt bc whoever died deserved to be reincarnated, it was that they all needed a second chance, a slate wiped clean, and death was necessary for that
#obanai being unable to let himself love mitsuri bc he considered himself tainted#himejima being perpetually scarred by kaigakus betrayal and unable to trust/believe in fundamental goodness#sanemi being completely unable to express his love to genya in any manner besides shoving him away#muichiro having lost his complimentary half and missing him so desperately without even knowing#shinobu devoting her whole life to a revenge that literally poisoned her from the inside
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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Why is circe by ghost giving me Tim Drake feels right now
#I know your soul is not tainted even though you’ve been told so#I can see though the scars inside you#can’t you see that you’re lost? can’t you see that you’re lost without me?#oh my god#oh wait#oh my god never mind this is so Michael Afton#holy shit#like it’s so both of them#but it is /soooooo/ Michael#any way#*adds to the POV you are gay British zombie playlist*#and also my secret Tim Drake playlist#that is not public#because it is almost entirely made up of au stuff that will not make sense to anyone else#and a lot of clown vibey stuff (joker junior baaabyyyyyy)
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Huh...so Templars use lyrium to block magic. Alistair (and potentially the Warden) can keep Templar skills WITHOUT using lyrium drafts according to Al. But, uh, they’re both Wardens. Templars block magic by reaching for ‘something else that leaves no room’ for magic or something, according to Cole. The Wardens are connected to something else, something other too. Not going anywhere with this. Just think its neat.
#Dragon Age#Lyrium#just thoughts#otherwise the idea that Alistair's dragon blood is why he thinks people can use Templar abilities without lyrium is an amusing one (for me)#Warrior Wardens meanwhile when getting taught by him are like 'reach for that thing in your blood? okay. so the taint. GOT IT'#I hate not being able to pick locks or set things on fire so I don't play warrior so this HC isn't relevant in any way to me but I have it
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And it isn't even as though Dolly's Christianity is noncondemning: the linked article quotes her putting gayness and transness in the same bucket with alcoholism and drug addiction.
"I have some of everybody in my own immediate family and in my circle of employees," she explained. "I've got transgender people. I've got gays. I've got lesbians. I've got drunks. I've got drug addicts — all within my own family. I know and love them all, and I do not judge."
Oh dear... someone's met the consequences of their actions.
"I regret using Dolly as the example for the point I was making in the article,” she said. “As I wrote in the piece, I love her and think she does some incredible things for the world. We all make poor choices in how to frame things sometimes. This was one of those moments for me! Dolly is one of the few people who is beloved by all and who loves all. The world is lucky to have her."
#ex christian#even#Dolly Parton#can be tainted by Christianity#''I have short people and fat people and alcoholics and drug addicts in my own family and I love them all without judgement''#...seems like you've done some judging.#Why add acquired harmful traits to a list of innate harmless traits unless you see them all as the same?#Very few people are born addicted to drugs or alcohol#and they typically don't want to be addicted.#Being gay or trans or short or fat is very different!#Society might make it unpleasant to be these things—but just BEING them won't destroy your brain or liver#or any other part of your body you need to live#Dolly Parton rocks.#Christianity sucks.#I hope she gets free of it someday.
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why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
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really in a weird spot rn friend-wise. i really need responsible people to hang out with, who understand my situation. people who respect me and my time.
#dile rambles#i think The Group had really tainted how much i feel like i deserve any kind of positivity#i DO deserve friends and i DO deserve people who will listen to my dumb shit#i DO deserve friends that will listen to my concerns without gaslighting me#i DO deserve friends who will stand up for me#I really need to leave for good but ive stayed very on the fringe for a while now#watching from afar and hoping something changes maybe but nope#a very old friend of mine also#i feel like they have been using me as a vent journal#they dont even ask how im doing most of the time#im gettin SICK OF IT ALL#love yall who are here tho if youre here youre considered safe#ive been hiding a lot of my sad feelings because the people i do care deeply about have enough going on without my negative shit
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duke au angst, but könig isn’t a knight. He’s either not in it and reader just sinks into a pit of depression and withdrawals so much that rumours start speculation around the ton that reader is either dead or murder and it starts to take a toll on john reputation (they start going after why him, simon, johnny and kyle are so close) or a könig is an Austrian duke/way closer to royalty and when he’s over for business with John and/or simon, he and the reader hit it off (much to the boys dismay) and reader plans on leaving without a word, leaving nothing more than a vague letter that details why and a set of divorce papers (helped achieved by könig) and by the time they realise their mistake readers already living the high life in austria
….okay but the first one’s got me downright obsessed, anon 😩 second one too and i feel like i will absolutely end up caving and writing it later but for now, have this!
Angst dukedom post
Non-angst dukedome post(no konig in this one)
No but seriously, there is only so much you can take. Between everyone’s dismissal of you, the lack of any meaningful company, the loneliness- it was only a matter of time before you just… can’t do it anymore.
The change, though it starts slow, is impossible to hide. You stop having dinner with John, finding no solace in the taste of lukewarm, half-heartedly prepared food. You tell yourself it’s not worth it- the stilted conversations, the empty looks, the way his eyes always drift to anything but you. He’s too busy sharing hidden glances with Kyle, exchanging quiet touches with Johnny when he hand delivers the food, speaking to Simon with an intensity that has never been for you.
You stop attending the endless galas and balls you are meant expected to attend as the Duchess. You withdraw from the tea parties, from every suffocating event where you were paraded as nothing more than an ornament on Duke Price’s arm. You withdraw from the public eye itself.
Instead, you drift through the duchy, through the rooms that are suddenly empty when you arrive. You drift to and fro, in a haze of lonelinthat and slow-setting exhaustion.
The maids whispered of you before, but it used to be out of your earshot; now, you can hear them clearly, none of them afraid of being punished when not even your own husband can stand your sight. They mutter about how sickly you look, how your eyes are dull and lifeless.
She’s wasting away.
Maybe it’s for the best.
No one can love someone who fades into the walls.
But of course, the whispers aren’t just within the duchy. Rumors ripple out beyond the duchy’s walls-
The Duchess has gone mad, they say. Locked away by her husband, for her own good.
She ran away in the dead of night, they say. Couldn’t bear her husband’s coldness. Maybe he drove her to it.
He’s always with Duke Riley, isn’t he? Or the butler. Or the chef.
Poor thing. No wonder she vanished.
All of it gnaws and bites at John’s reputation, at yours, but he never comes to you and it doesn’t surprise you at all. He would rather find a way to bury it all then simply check on you. The facade has always been more important, and he keeps it with half-hearted excuses half-believed by some and dismissed by others.
But they are relentless, and soon they taint every interaction he has. No one meets him without a hint of suspicion in their eyes. How much of it is true, they seem to ask. What did you do to her? Is she really gone? She was a good woman, how could you do that to her? There is more scrutiny now on the time he spends with Simon, with Kyle, with Johnny. He starts to avoid public events himself, unwilling to face the relentless gossip that hangs over him now like a dark cloud.
Eventually, you stop dressing for the day, leaving your hair unkempt, your gowns crumpled and out of style. No one comes to check on you, the maids happy at having less work, and you tell yourself that you prefer it that way. No eyes to judge. No lips to lie. The solitude is nothing new, even if it’s never been this severe before.
Time blurs, too. You stop looking at the newspapers when they stop being delivered. The days mean nothing when every morning brings only a new kind of numbness, and some days you spend entirely in bed, too tired to even think about taking a step outside.
Yet, even with your noticeable absence, nothing changes. No one knocks on your door, not even once. No one checks to see if you’re eating, breathing, surviving. You feel so achingly lonely.
John doesn’t approach you once. You have become a specter, more distant than ever. And though he and the others feel a creeping sense of guilt- Kyle finds himself lingering outside your door, only to turn away with clenched fists; Johnny’s jokes die in his throat when he hears your name; Simon stares at the spot you used to take during the dinners and lunches he’d join; John stares at the very few portraits of you that line the walls and wonders how he’d even go about approaching you- none of them move to truly mend the gaping distance between you. They regret their neglect, but they do not know how to fix it. Or maybe they are simply too late.
dukedom au masterlist Part Two: Fix-it
#cod x reader#cod#noona.asks#cod x you#tf 141 x reader#tf 141#tf 141 x you#cod imagines#john price x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x you#ghost x you#soap x reader#kyle gaz x reader#gaz x reader#ghost x reader#poly!141 x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#poly 141#kyle gaz garrick x you#noona.writes#call of duty x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#poly 141 x reader#poly!141#kyle gaz x you#johnny soap mctavish x you#simon ghost riley imagines
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Kiss and Makeup
Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader
Summary: James ruins reader’s date and attempts to make it better.
Word Count: 2829
Warnings: Jealous!James; kissing; and reader wearing heels, jewelry and makeup.
A/N 💌: A quick James oneshot that’s been on my mind, but I’m heavily consider making a second part to this.
As usual, thank you to @moonpascal for reading!
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“Go on, kiss and make up!” Sirius’ voice trails after you as you hurry down the corridor, James close on your heels. On any other day, you might have tossed a playful jab back at Sirius, well-accustomed to his relentless teasing about you and James. But today, the weight of everything made your throat tighten, leaving you silent, your focus fixed on reaching the safety of your dorm.
The sharp click of your heels echoed off the stone walls, and James’ muttering about your surprising speed in heels barely registers. Your anger simmers, blocking out his words as you storm ahead and shove the door open. James is right behind you, catching it just before it could slam shut in his face, determined not to let you shut him out.
“Get out, Jamie.” Though your voice was laced with anger, the way you used his nickname gave him a glimmer of hope. It wasn’t hopeless—there was still a chance to make everything better.
“I’m not leaving until we figure this out.” James says, stepping forward and leaning against the post of Lily’s bed as he watches you roll your eyes and turn into the room. He doesn’t say anything as you begin furiously grabbing clothes and scattered heels off the floor—remnants of you getting ready for a date, now tainted by the tension hanging between you two.
“There’s nothing to figure out! You ruined my date, plain and simple.” You spin around, clutching a black heel in your hand, and for a fleeting moment, James braces himself, half-expecting you to launch it at him in a fit of frustration. But it’s you, his sweet best friend—the one who cares so deeply for others that you always put them before yourself. It’s a trait that drives James a little crazy sometimes, knowing you’d sacrifice your own happiness without a second thought.
The realization only sharpens the sting of your anger, an unfamiliar weight he’s not used to carrying. He can recall times you’ve been disappointed—maybe after one of his careless pranks or his thoughtless disregard for someone’s feelings—but never this. Never this level of anger.
“I said I was sorry.” He tries, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches you scoff and turn away, angrily kicking off your heels. You bend down to pick them up, and despite himself, his eyes drift to the curve of your body. He knows he shouldn’t be looking, but he can’t help it—he’s never been able to take his eyes off you. And now, a bitter feeling twists in his gut, knowing you’re dressed all pretty for someone else.
“You’re not, though. Why the fuck did you feel the need to scare him off?” You toss the heels into your trunk and turn to face him, arms crossed. He opens his mouth to respond, but the words die before they form—because he doesn’t know how to tell you the truth. He knows exactly why, but admitting it out loud would change everything between you. And he’s not sure he’s ready for that.
The silence between you stretches, heavy and unspoken, as you wait for an answer he isn’t ready to give. You both know exactly what you’re waiting for—a proper explanation.
One you’ve been holding out hope for, quietly, for years.
“It’s not fair, you know.” You let out a deep sigh, turning to face your desk, your gaze falling on the mirror. James watches as you begin to remove your jewelry, your back turned to him, but his reflection still catches glimpses of you.The anger in your voice has softened, but he knows that if he says the wrong thing, it could all flare up again, as sharp and sudden as before.
“What isn’t?” He hesitates, watching you carefully as he takes a cautious step forward. His eyes follow the way your lips part in the mirror, the soft exhale of frustration escaping you as you fumble with your necklace.
He wants to step forward, to gently brush your hair aside and unfasten the clasp, to press a soft kiss against the back of your neck once the necklace slips away. But he can’t—so he remains still, trapped in silence, as he watches you instead.
“Why is it that you go out with girl after girl, but when I show interest in a guy, you scare him off?” You already knew the answer—weren’t blind to it. It had been clear to everyone that you and James had been circling each other for years, dancing around unspoken words.
But he refused to admit that he cared for you as more than friends. It felt pointless to tell him how you felt when it was clear James was intent on keeping you in the friend zone.
From the moment crushes became a part of your life, James had been yours. But you were never certain��about his feelings—until that one night when he got blackout drunk and confessed he was in love with you. He has no memory of that drunken night, but you overheard him later, telling the boys he’d never drink that much again because he wanted to actually remember the parties he went to. You’d felt a pang of disappointment, but you were gathering the courage to confront him about it. Then, the next day, he hooked up with a girl from Ravenclaw, and just like that, all your resolve crumbled, leaving you feeling more invisible than ever.
He didn’t remember what he’d said, and if he was out with other girls, it was clear he didn’t care enough to mention it while sober.
That was a year ago, and you still hadn’t brought it up.
So, to cope with the mess of it all, you went on a date—a rare one, the first in nearly a year. And now, here was James, wrecking it all over again.
“I—” He stops himself, clearing his throat, the tension in his voice betraying the lie before he even finishes. “I don’t think that’s true. You go out on dates.”
He knew he spent a lot of time flirting with girls—whether it was during class, when he should have been paying attention, or at parties where conversation flowed too easily. But when someone showed interest in you? That was a different story altogether. He’d like to blame it on the fact that you were his best friend, but deep down, he knew better.He was protective of you because he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone looking at you the way he did. Was it selfish? Definitely. But the thought of losing you terrified him more than anything.
“You know that’s a lie. You saw how excited I was! Why did you take that from me?” You were fully aware of how weak and accusatory your voice sounded, but you didn’t care. You were hurt, and it was clear in the way you shook your head, disappointment heavy in every movement. James watched your reflection, noticing the way you swallowed hard as if trying to shove down the swell of emotions threatening to break free. And with that, a wave of guilt slammed into his stomach, settling there like a stone.
“I just didn’t want him to hurt you!”
“So you decided to take that off his hands and hurt me instead?” You scoffed, making James flinched as if you had slapped him. It probably would have hurt less if you had.
“Merlin, no! Sweetheart, that wasn’t what I was trying to do—”
“Then what were you trying to do, James? Because I’m getting tired of this little game, we have going on.”
He lets out a shaky breath, his eyes following your hand as you gently remove one of your earrings. For a moment, your gazes meet through the mirror, and the weight of it all presses down on him. He wishes, desperately, that you would justturn around and face him.
He was racking his brain, searching for the right words, trying to find a way to fix this. He considered stepping back, giving you space like he did when you got agitated with him. But this felt different. It wasn’t just about a moment of frustration—it was something deeper, something that could damage your friendship permanently if he didn’t speak up. He knew he had to fix this.
“You guys make up yet?” Sirius hollered, and James could practically picture him standing at the bottom of the stairs with his hands cupped around his mouth as he shouted at the both of you.
Sirius’ words from earlier echoed in his head as if they were taunting him, swirling around like a cruel mantra.
Go on, kiss and make up.
It felt like an accusation, a reminder of how much he’d messed up. He could feel the weight of it pressing down on him, twisting in his gut. Every nerve in his body screamed that his next move would either make everything worse—digging the hole even deeper—or finally give him a chance to tell you why he’d ruined your date. But the fear of losing you pushed him forward.
“Tell me to stop, sweetheart.”
“Stop what—?” You ask, tossing your last piece of jewelry into the ceramic dish with a sharp clang before turning to face James. Your breath catching in your throat as he moves closer, and without thinking, you instinctively take a step back, bumping into your desk. The sudden movement rattles the items on top, sending a soft, anxious clatter through the room.
A sharp gasp escapes your lips as James reaches out, his hand gently cupping your cheek, his thumb grazing the edge of your jaw. You stare up at him, wide-eyed, and James can’t help but think how pretty you look—more than he’s ever allowed himself to admit.
He’s never been able to admire you like this before, not without the constant fear of you catching him.
His hands are shaky, and his proximity to you is making him nervous in a way that he couldn’t quite shake. But he didn’t know how else to explain himself. So, tentatively, he let his fingers graze your skin, admiring how you melted into him. He watches, heart pounding, as your lashes flutter and your lips part in surprise at the softness of his touch. The anger in your eyes had faded, leaving behind disbelief and something that looked dangerously close to hope.
He startles both himself and you when the words slip out, low and raw: “You make me so fucking nervous.” You blink up at him, silent, processing the confession. His gaze drifts over the mascara you’d carefully applied, the gloss glistening on your lips—details he hadn’t noticed before, but now felt like a punch to his gut. The jealousy flares, burning hot and fast in the pit of his stomach. It was devastating to realize you were all dressed up, and it wasn’t for him. Those heels, thoseglossed lips—they were for a guy who hardly knew you.
Not like James knew you.
You part your lips, and James unknowingly silences you with a gentle brush of his thumb just beneath your lower lip. A soft, satisfied smile tugs at his mouth as he hears the gasp escape you. His hand rests on your left hip, pulling you closer, grounding you against him. The tension in the room thickens, and just like that, your anger has melted.
“If you want me to stop, just say the word, sweetheart.” He murmurs, his voice low and thick with intention as he edged closer. His fingers caressing your jaw, tilting your face upwards, bringing you within a breath of him. The air between you crackles, heavy and charged, and you feel the pull—the tempting, intoxicating proximity. He was so close now, you could feel the warmth of his breath, and all it would take was the slightest movement for his lips to claim yours.
You thought about saying it—the words were right there, just on the tip of your tongue. But then his lips brushed against yours just barely, and everything else faded away. You couldn’t bring yourself to say no—not when this was something you’d wanted for years. Even with the anger simmering inside you, the frustration over James ruining your date, you couldn’t pull away.
Not now. Not when he was so close.
If anything, a strange sense of relief was starting to wash over you—relief that he had ruined it. Because if he hadn’t, it might have been another guy standing where he was now, and the thought of that made something tighten painfully in your chest.
“Last chance.” He mumbled, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes, searching for any sign that you might stop him. The only sound between you was the uneven rhythm of your breaths, erratic and heavy, pulsing with the desire that surged between you both. When you didn’t say a thing, no rejection, no hesitation—only the warmth of your breath mingling with his—he offered a barely-there smile before leaning in, his lips finally capturing yours with a slow, gentle kiss.
He started slow, cautious, as if afraid he might push you away. But the wrecked hum that escaped your throat—the sound of pure desire—told him everything he needed to know. You wanted this as much as he did.
It was overwhelming how quickly the kiss shifted—what started as sweet and searching, quickly turned frantic and hungry. The slow, deliberate pace gave way to a fiery urgency. The gentle brush of lips became a desperate meeting of mouths as the two of you gave into years of pining.
Your hands, which had been gripping the edge of the desk hard, moved slowly toward him. You let your fingers trail up his stomach, feeling the dips and ridges before reaching his chest. Your other hand found its way into his curls, youtugged softly, the motion pulling a low, pleasure-filled groan from deep within him. That sound, the sound of him unraveling, seemed to shatter something inside James. In an instant, he stepped closer—if that was even possible—until your bodies were pressed together, the heat between you two undeniable, consuming.
He pulled away just an inch, and the desperate whine that escaped your lips was enough to pull him back in, his arms circling your waist before effortlessly lifting you onto the desk. You gasped his name, the sound caught in your throat, as his lips claimed yours again, urgent and hungry. One hand slid around your thigh, pulling you closer, the heat of his body pressing against yours as he stood between your parted legs. His grip on your hip was firm, grounding, while his other hand found its place at the side of your throat, fingers warm and possessive.
You had never been kissed like this before. It was overwhelming—an all-consuming heat that ignited deep in your belly as James kissed you with a hunger, as if he’d been waiting for this moment his entire life.
And it was ruining you, because if this was how it felt to kiss James Potter, you never wanted to be kissed by anyone else ever again.
He rocked his hips against yours, the pressure making you gasp, and that breathless sound was all he needed. He deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into your mouth, tasting you as if he couldn’t get enough. You were so completely immersed in him—the feel of his lips, the taste of him—that the low, teasing whistle from your doorway barely registered in your mind.
“Bloody hell, I didn’t expect you to actually go and kiss her.” Sirius’ voice rang out, loud and unfiltered. The words struck a panic through you, your body warming with embarrassment as you instinctively tucked your head into James’ chest, hoping to hide from the intrusion. You would recognize Sirius’ voice anywhere, and you knew you would be teased about this for ages.
James, with you still propped on the desk, remained a shield, his body pressed protectively against yours. He glanced over at Sirius and Remus, who stood by the doorway. Sirius, leaning against the doorframe, raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips, while Remus stood next to him, his usually calm demeanor showing signs of awkwardness.
“Fuck off and shut the door, mate.” James groans, his arms pulling you tighter as he fights the urge to hurl a book at Sirius and Remus. Instead, he sends them a warning glare and brings a hand up to the back of your head, the heat of the moment still burning between you, and silently dares them to say anything more.
The boys hesitate, but not before Sirius calls out with a teasing smirk, “Didn’t know you had it in you, Potter. You finally got your girl.” And just like that, the door slams shut, leaving the air thick with tension and you cringing in embarrassment.
Maybe telling him you loved him wasn’t that pointless after all.
please consider reblogging or leaving a comment! it keeps me motivated to write and spread my work! 🤍
#james potter fic#james potter oneshot#james potter fanfiction#james potter x fem!reader#james potter x reader#james potter x you#james potter imagine
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Loved your writing of arcane characters saying things they regret during an argument. Would you be willing to do a version with Jayce, Viktor and Silco? I apologize if you don't prefer to write about these characters, you can ignore this
Arcane men saying things they'll regret during an argument. | Viktor, Jayce, Silco x Gn!Reader
Oh, I absolutely am willing to do that, Anon!! These are going to be pretty irredeemable, though, so there is not going to be a part two to this... anyways, enjoy!!<3
Content: Season 2 spoilers!!, heavy angst, hurt/no comfort, break ups, swearing, gaslighting, toxic behavior, sfw
Reader has no mentioned pronouns.
((Not proofread))
》VIKTOR
"This... isn't you anymore, Viktor. A-And I refuse to keep lying to myself like this either!" You hissed out one night, unable to keep it in any longer. You were losing your mind in this compound of his, unable to understand how seemingly no one was able to recognize how wrong everything was. People who were "healed" by him weren't the same after. They turned into robotic and uncanny husks of their old selves.
A terrifying sight that unnerved you deeply. And only you here.
The nail in the coffin was perhaps the skeptical appearance of Councilor Salo. Never in your life had you ever seen him give a damn about anyone but himself. He lived a life of riches and materialism, far from the selfless and minimalistic lifestyle found here. But after your boyfriend healed him of his inability to walk, he suddenly preached the same ideals that everyone else did.
Peace, love, and community.
Those were the important pillars of this idyllic place Viktor had created, and yet you couldn't see past the clear red flags that weaved themselves in their white attire. You were never much of a genius like he was, but it didn't take much brainpower to understand that this was not a great place to be in. No matter how hard he attempted to convince you of that.
"... I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm afraid I can not follow your reasoning for this claim. I am myself... just someone greater. More meaningful. Isn't that beautiful?" His voice was so gentle and patient in comparison to yours. Something that wasn't unusual to him. But the way he used that tone now made you sick. "Terrifying is a better word, actually... Why can't you see that this is just wrong? You're not healing anyone-" "-But I am. Look around you. Is that not enough for you to finally believe me, my love? I want to create a better world... one in which we can live freely together." Your mind spun, his words ringing in your head dangerously. And you hated every second of it.
This isn't the man you loved anymore. He must have died that fateful day when the sky fell from above, and he covered you with his body to save you. His last act of kindness as your boyfriend and lover before he perished and left behind whoever he was. And you'd be damned if the last good memory got tainted too.
"No. I will not let you play with my mind anymore. I've had enough." You pushed past him, wanting to finally escape this borderline cult. Originally, you had only followed after him because you couldn't bear being without him. Jayce was right, though. He really was different now.
"Hm... it seems like I was right about you after all." You stopped in your tracks yet didn't dare face him. "You truly are not worth saving... you can't grasp the beauty of what I have made. I suppose everyone's claims for your low intelligence were, unfortunately, right. What a shame." How could a devil have such a soothing, loving voice? Why did the monster that now lurked in your shadow have to have your lovers face? The cruelty was too much to bear.
Who would have thought that you'd finally leave him for good after all the years you've taken care of him? This moment felt so surreal and yet ironically freeing as well. The end was near. "Did you... ever even love me?" You asked aimlessly, but didn't wait to hear his answer.
Perhaps if you had, however, you would've seen that sudden spark of surprise in his eyes, as you slipped out of his fingers for good at last.
》JAYCE
You had looked everywhere for him. And after also asking everyone under the sun if they had seen your boyfriend, you had eventually determined that he must've somehow gone missing. Worried sick, it pained you knowing that there wasn't much you could do either, considering that everyone was too busy getting ready for a borderline war and Caitlyn became unreachable as a result. Yet just as you began to lose hope, your dear lover finally returned... but he wasn't the same.
He didn't look the same, nor did he act the same, in fact. He looked so different that it even visibly startled you when you found him rummaging through his once shared laboratory. You had just returned from another wrap around the building in hopes of finding it, and whilst you'd consider yourself lucky this time around, all you now felt was genuine dread.
"Jayce...? What happened to you? I looked for you everywhere and-" You stilled at the intense look he gave you, his face flinching for a moment, as though his mind couldn't comprehend your image. Glancing over at his peculiar weapon of choice, you felt unnerved at how even that looked uncanny. The entire situation was unnerving you deeply, to say the least. "You... You shouldn't be here." He finally muttered, his voice deeper and colder than it ever was. Jayce always had such a fun and warm voice. If you didn't know any better, you would've questioned who he was a while ago.
"Hey... tell me where you were, okay?" You said, trying a more gentle approach as you neared him, eyes focused on his clearly injured leg. Had he been kidnapped? You doubted it. So what made him end up like this? Nothing you could come with explained his appearance. His hair and beard were way longer than they should have gotten in the short span of time he was gone, too.
Reaching down carefully, you tried to inspect his leg, but he seemed less receptive to the idea. Or so you assumed, after he shoved you away roughly and held the hammer to your face at impressive speed. His eyes were glossy, as though he wasn't entirely all there. He was reliving a terrifying moment in his mind, unaware of the horror you were going through. Never could you have ever thought of ending up in this position with him. "Jayce! What the hell are you doing-?" "-Get away! I know what you are... you've been sent by him too, weren't you?" You let out a shriek when he swung the hammer at you, only giving you a fraction of a second to jump out of the way.
Falling onto your behind, you quickly crawled backward and away from him, tears welling up in your eyes. Your scream seemed to at least wake him up, though, as he finally lowered his weapon and blinked at you in surprise. "Fucks sake! What is wrong with you?" You yelled out, yet as fast as his face softened, it hardened again. "... Sorry... I need to leave." Quickly making his way past you, he only barely escaped your presence before you grabbed onto the fabric of his pants. "Why? Where are you going? Why can't you tell me anything?"
The look in his eyes made you shrink away. This wasn't your Jayce anymore. "... The future of everyone in Piltover hinges on me being there on time. Now, make yourself useful for once and get out of my way." Shaking you off harshly, he left you crying on the cold floor of the once lively laboratory, not once looking back.
》SILCO
When you first met Silco, you were both still leading simple lives in the last drop with his brother and all of your other friends in Zaun. The lanes were harsh and, at times, cruel, yet you fought through the agony of it all together. Years down the line later, you find yourself still reminiscing on those heavenly days, particularly those of your lover who had turned for the worst in the time being. And the question of why you didn't listen to Vander's warnings came to mind again then. Perhaps you were just too used to excusing everything his brother did, especially after he had attempted to drown him so horrifically, which left him permanently injured.
But even so... why didn't you just listen? Why did it take so many years for you to finally throw the towel and leave for good? Finally realise that the man you loved was a monster? A disgusting and evil monster who was willing to use the plight of others for his own gain. And for what? Money? Fame? Power? It was all an ego trip you had far more than enough of. Zaun was his playground, and an escape was impossible. You'd be, however damned if you didn't at least try to anyways. Even if just in Vander's honor as a long-awaited apology.
Pushing past the crowd in the stuffy, full Last drop, you finally reached his office upstairs. Not caring about formalities anymore, you knocked and opened the door without awaiting a reply. If death met you behind it, then so be it. "Ah, darling, in a hurry today, aren't you?" "We need to talk. Alone." Short and straight to the point. Raising a brow, he shared a look with Jinx, who was just done giving him his daily "medicine". Oh, how you hated your lover's dearest creation. Shimmer. The exact thing that had ruined your lives for good. But you pushed away your disdain for the task at hand.
Giving Jinx a dismissive wave of his hand, you waited for her to be gone for good before taking a breath to speak. But Silco beat you to it. Always so painfully perceptive. "The answer is no, if you're here asking to leave. I refuse to let you go, dear. You have no one else but me after all. You wouldn't survive on your own." He always underestimated you, so this wasn't an all to surprising response. And if you were just a couple of months younger, you would have maybe agreed and backed off. But you were sick of his games.
"I didn't come here to ask for permission, Silco. I'm here to say goodbye." The slightest, softest crack at the last word gave you away horribly. You certainly didn't expect your feelings for the man to betray you, but even that won't stop you now. Said man just hummed in response as he stood up to face the window. His hands calmly lit a cigar, very much unbothered. But you knew that your sentence had gotten to him anyway with how his hand shook ever so slightly. Out of anger, most likely.
"So you think you can do whatever you want? Leave after you've spent so many years at my side? Your hands aren't as clean as you think they are, darling. Even yours are a bright violet." A reference to the shimmer vials on his desk. He knew how much you hated it, so this felt like a jab. A jab at the deep guilt you felt every day for enabling the death of all of your friends indirectly. If only you had stopped him from the start... then maybe you wouldn't have to feel the dread that ruined you from the inside anymore.
"I've accepted my flaws and sins a long time ago. I may not be better than you... but sometimes, in order to end the cycle, you have to walk away and leave some things behind." You suddenly felt so content, his cold and terrible words not reaching you anymore. You were so close to leaving. So close to leaving Zaun and Piltover like you've always dreamed. But Silco just scoffed in disbelief.
"Hah, don't give me that self-righteous shit... I've been there for you for so many years, dear. I've taken care of you, fed you, and loved you to my best ability for so long. The least you could do is be grateful for my kindness." "So you think I'm a burden?" The silence was deafening, but it was enough to confirm your long-standing suspicions. He had lost his love for you a long time ago. Perhaps the side that loved you so purely drowned in the river with him.
"... Goodbye. I hope one day you can walk away too." You turned and began walking out then, suddenly realising that it's finally over. Shoving your hands into the pocket of your coat, you felt the ticket for the skyship you had to take. "Don't you dare leave. Don't you dare it-" All bark and no bite as usual. There was no stopping you now, and he knew it. He was letting you go after all. You could just hope that one day he'd listen to your words and end the cycle, too.
What a shame that you won't be there at his side to see it, however... maybe in another life then.
#arcane#arcane x genderneutral reader#arcane x reader#arcane x y/n#arcane x you#arcane viktor#arcane viktor x reader#viktor#viktor x reader#arcane silco#arcane silco x reader#silco x reader#silco#arcane jayce#arcane jayce x reader#jayce#jayce x reader
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— big boy ! | k.mg
⋆ pairings; mingyu x fem! reader ⋆ genre; smut ⋆ w.c; 1.2k+ ⋆ warnings; dom! reader, sub! mingyu, jealousy, slight toxicity from both of them, possessiveness, oral (f. receiving), reader is mentioned to be smaller than mingyu, size kink, reverse size kink, mingyu is a slut ⋆ a/n; yes, and is this reverse (?) size kink. no clue lol
now, this goes two ways...
either him getting so turned on by the size difference. his cock twitching in need when he sees how deep his huge cock would be buried in your cunt. and, him casually using his strength to pick you up and continue rutting his hips into you. or,
mingyu's breath hitches with each step you take towards him, and he swallows thickly, having been cornered. he looks down at you, getting lost in your lust-swollen eyes.
his cock twitches inside his pants when you press your body against his. you’re comparatively smaller than him, but you have so much fucking power over him. so much that he forgets this is a company party, and he could probably get fired if someone caught you both in the restroom like this.
“had fun? hmm?” you poke your cheek with your tongue, progressively getting annoyed as he continues to stay silent.
“of course, you did. I mean all those girls were practically throwing themselves at you. liked the attention?”
you can only adjust for so long. and, you couldn't care less if someone would label you as toxic. ever since he stepped in, his so-called coworkers had been flirting with and touching him. you were right there beside him. if it's this bad with you around, how bad is it without you?
your blood boils, and your dress feels too tight, rendering you breathless. your patience runs thin with every passing second. but to mingyu, this whole situation is hot.
who knew you were this possessive? and that fucking dress hugging your body isn't doing him any good. his back presses against the cold tile of the basin, and you place your hands on either side of his body, looking up at him.
he could easily overpower you, pin you to the wall, and have his way with you. but he can't even move his fingers for the life of him, and there's a voice inside his head, screaming at him to submit to you.
and he does. you pull him down by grabbing his collars and trace his jaw with your nose. the faint flowery perfume you don't use taints his scent, and your nose scrunches up in distaste.
“tch,”
you roughly pull yourself away from him. mingyu whines at the loss of contact, his hands itching to grab your waist. but you stop him by pinning his hands together at the front.
a pout forms on his pretty lips, and he stares at you with wide “innocent” eyes. if you lacked some self-control, you would've roughly kissed him and fucked him for everyone else to hear.
pressing a small kiss to his lips, you roughly grab his hard cock. his hip bucks into your hand, dick twitching beneath the layer of clothes. whines echo in the restroom, but you shoot him a warning glare, and he promptly shuts up.
after a few gropes and squeezes, you remove your hand, satisfied with how riled up he is now. he doesn't move but simply whimpers and whines. again, he knows he can overpower you. but there's a difference between knowing and wanting. mingyu wants you to ruin him.
“ugh, i want to fuck you so bad.” he whimpers, pulling you flush against him. with a roll to your eyes, you pull away from him and sit on the sink tile.
mingyu doesn't need to be told twice when you spread your legs, inviting him. he kneels on the floor and bunches up your skirt to your waist. his hands rest on the side of your thighs, squeezing the flesh.
a curse falls from his lips, observing the wet patch on your panty. you sigh and relax as he kisses your cunt through the cotton material. carding your finger through his hair, you tug on it, promptly receiving a groan from him.
he removes the cloth, and you shiver as the cold air licks your sensitive skin. he pockets the panty and quickly nestles himself between your legs again.
he leans forward, wrapping your clit between his soft lips. he sucks on the bundle of nerves, tongue flicking at the bud softly. then, he lays his tongue flat against your cunt, licking up your arousal. he hums, savoring the taste of you in his mouth.
you try your best to control all the filthy noises you want to let out. just the sound of mingyu's mouth on your cunt is enough to drive you insane and breathless. wet noises fill the restroom, along with your muffled moans and sighs.
he slurps and sucks on your hole, tongue prodding inside now and then. his soft lips molds with your pussy, and his hair tickles your inner thigh. he whines against your cunt, whispering praises in between.
you close your legs around his head and tangle your fingers with his locks, pushing him further. his nose brushing against your clit sends shivers down your spine, and you struggle to contain your moans. your hips buck up into his face, and you lock your legs around his face.
he doesn't stop despite the lack of oxygen. he slurps and sucks on your hole like a starved man. you can imagine his boner pressing against the fabric of his boxers and slacks. his twitching cock, leaking with precum, is painfully restricted, but mingyu doesn't do anything about it. he neglects himself to please you.
and he doesn't even mind being denied orgasms. as much as you'd like to ruin him tonight, you won't. payback for flirting with all those girls right in front of you. (you know he intended to make you jealous… and well, two can play the game.)
you gasp for breath as the warmth pools in your stomach. mingyu senses the shift in your breathing and laps his tongue on your cunt faster. an unbridled moan escapes your lips as he pushes you off your edge.
you cum on his tongue, still holding his head in place with your thighs. your legs tremble as you loosen your lock around him. he pulls back, gasping for breath and looking dazed.
you think he looks prettier like this, kneeling between your thighs with sweat glistening on his face and lips coated with your arousal. a little out of breath and his eyes practically begging you to fuck him.
but you won't.
your breathing turns even after a few minutes, and you slip off the sink. mingyu follows you and stands up from the floor. you fix your dress and makeup while mingyu watches, dumbfoundedly.
his cock presses painfully against his slacks. you're tempted to take him into your mouth, but you resist it. you don't even offer him a glance as you refix your makeup.
mingyu doesn't protest. he stands with a painful erection, watching you get dolled up again. he doesn't try to touch himself and get you to touch him. he waits. though his eyes scream a different story, he contains himself.
you cast him a smile when you're done, and he mirrors it. he leans down, slotting his lips against yours, and whispers a praise. he melts into the kiss. into you. though he's the taller, bigger one, you never fail to make him feel so small. not in a bad way. in a good way. in this way, mingyu isn't afraid to be himself with you.
yes, even as you are actively denying him any sort of pleasure.
you strut away from him, towards the party. and he follows suit, happily (and with a painful boner). he trembles with excitement, knowing what's about to unfold when you both reach home.
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