#with understanding destiel song

[howldean]

tagged by @kiss-me-kill-me-love-me @deantopsurgery and @demonmojo hi ilyyy

🎶✨share 5 songs you've been listening to, then tag 10 5 followers 🎶✨ 

1. mr. self destruct by nine inch nails

2. fast car by tracy chapman

3. hey, kid! by phoneboy

4. black dog by led zeppelin

5. wild sex (in the working class) by oingo boingo

tagging uhhhh @footnotesnake @paramoreworld @gayjensenackles @deanswristwatch @deansautumn (and anyone else who wants to go)

[annmariethrush]

Thinking about the line “Do it doggy style so we can both watch x files” from the sex song The Bad Touch and DeanCas cause ofc

Dean proposing that they have sex while they’re on the couch watching X Files and Cas agrees but goes to turn the tv off and Dean’s like, nah just fuck me from behind and we can keep watching. Cas giving Dean the ‘humans baffle me’ look. Dean retorting with “Look, I know it doesn’t make sense to you cause you have literally all the time in the world but I’ve only got another 40 years in me at best. Not enough time to get all the serial tv shows and carnal pleasure in that I have on my agenda. Besides, I might get dementia and not be able to understand X files if I wait and I know for a fact that my joints are not getting any younger. Now line up lover boy, Scully’s about to see something science can’t explain.”

[morallygreyintrovert]

Dean walking through the bunker after Cas is taken by the empty is 15x18 and as he looks around he sees a half drank coffee that is still warm that’ll never be finished. He keeps walking and he enters Cas’ room and on his bedside table lies the mix tape that he made for him that’ll never be played again. Under his pillow lies a book and the fifty fourth page is folded down at the corner that now serves as the end point because it will never be picked up again.

Surrounded by the memories of his saviour, his best friend, his everything and Cas has died before but this time feels different, it feels final. Dean finally wakes from his frozen terror and he falls to the ground clutching the book tightly to his chest, silently sobbing as his tears cloud his vision because without Cas, there is nothing; no sound, no sight, nothing.

His despair grows violent and he begins ripping out pages of the book he was tenderly cradling moments ago because how dare they wait to read. He picks up the cassette that served as his very own confession of love and furiously pulls out the tape because it’s now worthless because that love has nowhere to go. He makes his way through the bunker, destroying every object Cas ever came into contact with until he is standing surrounded by nothing but broken edges and ruin because a home isn’t a home without the people you love in it.

As the scene plays out the song is playing:

[youchangedmedestiel]

Ask Game!

25 & 29

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

I don't remember feeling upset as I wrote something. At least not yet. My writing actually helps me process things and deal with feelings. I tend to write happy endings but if somehow I end up writing a fic that doesn't, then maybe I'll be upset. If I manage to write about widower arc Dean one day, I'll probably be upsed, maybe that's why I don't write about him (yet).

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

It's a fic that happens after 8x22, one chapter is actually a fic I read and inspired me to write more about it and then it turned into something with more than 40k words. It was one of the first fic I wrote. I was experimenting my writing actually and words just kept flowing at me. I was just trying, okay? I just finished the show I had to let this all out and I was exploring their relationship. Anyway, don't judge me please. The scene I'm sharing with you happens in Dean's room at the bunker, there you go:

“Cas, what are you doing here?” Dean asks frowning, clearly still mad at Castiel’s reaction toward the flirty waitress. Castiel stands up and presses play on the stereo to start the song “The Rain Song” from Led Zeppelin. Dean looks at the stereo with his eyebrows still frowning, not understanding what is happening, since Castiel doesn’t answer his question.

“I need to tell you something, Dean.” Castiel starts smiling, walking toward Dean, while Dean just stands there, where he is looking at him. “I know you like this band and this song. This is why I chose it. And I know you know the lyrics but please listen to them. You will understand what I want to tell you.” Dean tilts his head and parts his lips, surprised. Even though, he doesn’t remember all the lyrics, not remembering every exact word, he knows what it is about. Plus, with the worry face Castiel makes, Dean understands what is happening. This is scaring the hell out of him but it is happening and he can’t stop it, he doesn’t really want to anyway. So, he smiles at him.

“Cas” he starts, wanting to apologize for doubting him with the waitress, but Castiel stops him instantly.

“Listen, Dean.” During the first lyrics, Castiel comes closer to Dean and extend one hand toward him. “I would like to dance with you,” Castiel offers. Dean hesitates while staring at him and puts his hand in Castiel’s. Both smiles as they lean in at the same time. Dean removes his hand from Castiel’s and puts his hands on his lower back, while Castiel puts his arms around Dean’s neck. When the first lyrics are sang, he rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder, while they dance slowly together.

“Listen,” he tells Dean again, whispering in his ear.   

It is the springtime of my loving

The second season I am to know

You are the sunlight in my growing

So little warmth I've felt before

It isn't hard to feel me glowing

I watched the fire that grew so low, oooh, oh

“You helped me grow. You changed me, Dean.” Castiel starts when the first lyrics are over and only the melody stays, moving back his head to stare into Dean’s eyes while he cups his head with his hands. “You taught me so many things, you taught me how to feel. You taught me about free will. And I believed in it, I have faith in it, I have faith in you. I would do anything for you. I would die for you. I never used you, Dean. I never will.” Castiel says finally calling back to what happened in Dean’s first fantasy.

“Cas –“ Dean starts, swallowing his tears. “I know that now. I should have never doubted you, I’m sorry.” Dean says lowering his gaze, but Castiel lifts his head up a little bit, already missing looking into his eyes. Dean’s eyes are back staring at Castiel’s blue.

“And I’m sorry I gave you some reasons to believe I would do this to you.” Castiel’s eyes starts to be fill with tears too.

“You didn’t Cas, it’s not you. It’s me. I always think people will leave me.”

“I never will, Dean. I couldn’t. You hear me? I always come back to you at some point. When you told me that we were family, that you needed me in that crypt. You broke the hold Naomi had on me, Dean. Don’t you understand? I can’t stay away from you for too long. If I do it’s because I have no other choice and it’s to keep you safe.” Castiel’s heart is racing, carried away by the emotions invading him.

“You had a choice in Purgatory, and you chose to stay. You chose to let me leave without you.” Dean throws, remembering how hurt he felt at the time, when Castiel showed him what really happened at the gate, he even altered his own memories to avoid knowing Castiel’s left him on purpose.

“It was different I was feeling so much guilt about the Leviathans, about what I did to people, to angels and to you. I didn’t deserve to go out with you. I didn’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you.”

“You do, Cas. I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you. I always get angry and end up hurting people I care about. Hurting you.” 

“It’s not true. You are not like that. Not at all. You see yourself how our enemies sees you but they are all wrong, you too. And you do, Dean. Deserve me.” Castiel says resting his head again on Dean’s shoulder, with his face buried in his neck this time. “Now, let’s dance slowly again. I like doing that with you. And listen to the song.” Castiel smiles against Dean’s neck.

It is the summer of my smiles

Flee from me, keepers of the gloom

Speak to me only with your eyes

It is to you I give this tune

Ain't so hard to recognize, oh

These things are clear to all from time to time, ooh

Oh, oh

“You are not like you said you are, Dean. When I look into your eyes, and after all these years, all I see is the most caring human in the whole world looking back at me. You care about people, ready to risk your own life to save them. You saved the world so many times. You saved ME too.” Castiel says moving his head back again to stare into Dean’s eyes, showing how much he deeply thinks what he is telling him.

Ah, talk, talk, talk, talk

Hey!

I've felt the coldness of my winter

I never thought it would ever go

I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us, upon us

But I know that I love you so, ohhhh, oh

But I know that I love you so

These are the seasons of emotion

And like the wind, they rise and fall

This is the wonder of devotion

I see the torch we all must hold

This is the mystery of the quotient, quotient

Ah, upon us all, upon us all a little rain must fall

Just a little rain, oh yeah

Uhh, ooooh, yeah yeah yeah

Castiel pulls back for the third time to look at Dean again. Dean is used to it now and he knows it means Castiel still has something to tell him. “We have been through so much together, you and me. Despite or thanks to all that, today I am able to say that –“ Castiel stops taking a deep breath to put all he feels in three little words as much as possible. “I love you��. He finally confesses, letting a tear run down his cheek. Dean swallows hard and wipes it with his thumb. He guessed what Castiel wanting to tell him, knowing the song, but he needed to be sure, he needed to hear what he had to say and he needed to hear that he loves him.

“I love you too, Cas.” Dean grabs Castiel’s neck with one hand and pulls him closer. He brushes their lips together, a desperate and passionate kiss, saying ‘I love you’ in another way again. Dean is overwhelmed by Castiel’s love and kiss, not controlling what is getting out of his mouth, his emotions, his feelings for him are getting the upper hand. “My mom used to tell me that angels were watching over me. I couldn’t believe her anymore when she died. But then, I met you Cas. And you gave me faith again. You always took care of me. You always watch over me, even when I sleep.” Dean chuckles and continues his speech, more seriously, putting his heart out. “Then, I fell in love with you as I never did before. I didn’t believe I could love someone like I love you. Cas, you are the light in my life, never think otherwise. You are my angel, you always have been.” Castiel smiles fondly at Dean’s confession, feeling his heart exploding in his chest, wanting to go out of it.

“I’m all yours and you are all mine.” Castiel declares with some lust replacing the happy tears in his eyes. “The song is already finished.” Castiel observes, looking at the stereo disappointed, while the music has ended a few minutes ago, but they were too focus on each other to notice.

“The song last more than 7 minutes, Cas.” Dean reminds him, chuckling, despite he didn’t notice when it ended either.

“I know, but it’s not enough. I like dancing with you, holding you in my arms.”

“I agree, I like it too.” Dean declares smiling fondly, stroking Castiel’s jaw with one hand.

“We should do that again some time.”

[nexus-my-beloved]

Has anyone ever really thought in detail about the fact that Cas fell for Dean. I know we acknowledge it, sure. We all know he did it. "I rebelled, for you", sure. But.

Cas fell as an angel multiple times and each time he went to Dean he was turned away at some point. And, as understanding as Cas may be to Dean's motives, it likely registered each time as something Cas did wrong. Because Cas always does something wrong. ( "Something happened, something went wrong-" "why does that something always seem to be you?" ) Cas has given up everything that he is and was for Dean and he's been turned away countless times, left to make it on his own, and hope he finds a way. An angel has been homeless, struggling to survive because the one he is in this state for turned him away.

Boiled down to its essence, Destiel is awful because it works like someone always trying to please the other but never being enough. "I gave up what I was so that I could be with you." "I liked you better before." is what their whole dynamic seems like, at least on one side. Cas, in the beginning, when he was an angel that had not yet been tainted, was revered by Dean and Dean was scared of him in a way. Once Cas fell for Dean? Things were different. Because he's an angel, or because he was, he needs to know /everything/, but it isn't all explained to him. He doesn't know what happens for normal people in the world, he has no concept of normal, he's lost and confused and he doesn't get help and he gets patronized and sent away because of it. Because he doesn't understand. Because he isn't human but he tries so hard to be for /Dean/.

Destiel is awful and horrible but it's great at the same time because of a myriad of things, but at some point in time, one of them always thinks they're doing awful, or there's miscommunication, or they push each other away. They can't be together because they don't talk things through. If they did, they'd be great- but they don't, and unfortunately that's the only universe, the only chance they ever had. Where Cas died telling Dean he loved him when the sacrifices Cas made throughout the years said it loud enough for it to not have to be said for any reason other than to put the nail in the coffin that Dean didn't notice or didn't know how to go through with it.

[dc-bitchin]

I need me some superbat amvs. I need to make the dc show that exists only in my head so I can make a superbat amv to amber run - I found. it is The superbat song

do you see my vision

[autisticandroids]

belated fic rec list, part two: seasons four and five

so! this is for day 1 of @spnficrecfest (you will notice that that was yesterday two days ago. uh huh). and i am compensating by creating FIVE SEPARATE ERA-SPECIFIC LISTS. this one is for season four and five fics. i'm putting four and five together because i feel like the vibes are often similar for four and five fics. it constitutes its own distinct era, discrete from season six. mainly destiel, with some other pairings or gen as well.

other lists: endverse // season six // season nine // dabb era

my fave s4/5 fics, in increasing order of length

the mirror (orphaned fic), .5k

cas and jimmy at the end of things. casjimmy.

the fruit of knowledge by omegavers, 1k, noncon warning

cas rescues dean from hell. :3. destiel.

rebirth by anandroidinatutu, 1k, chose not to warn

dean comes back from hell. destiel with transfem dean.

super silence in the quiet by thequietwings, 1k

sastiel with unrequited destiel and samifer. immaculate season five vibes.

a watcher, a holy one, by vaguesurprise, 1k, chose not to warn

the song remains the same. annamary voyeurism, and then more. if this one tickles your fancy i would also recommend the ghost in the back of your head (orphaned fic).

goshen's remains by redeyedwrath, 2k

castiel creature of light and burning, and it wants. destiel.

the reality of the thing seen by smilla, 3k, violence warning

dean has strange dreams after my bloody valentine. gen.

bad education by haganenomorals, 3k, mcd and violence warning

cas and dean cope in the aftermath of a version of swan song where cas couldn't swwop in and fix things afterwards. wip but worth it; feels more like a oneshot that stands on its own.

close enough for rock n roll by amor remanet, 4k

a post-swan song destiel romp, featuring angels, reluctant domesticity, and mpreg.

all souls and angels by misslucyjane, 5k

destiel fic so old that the author didn't know about jimmy novak yet. cas learns about taking care of his body.

red motel reprised by vaguesurprise, 5k

samruby and dreams.

we who were living by anactoria, 5k, mcd warning

the aftermath of a season five apocalypse that did, actually, happen. destiel.

a hole in the world by bauble, 6k, chose not to warn

dean says yes. it's up to cas now. destiel.

brother mine by diaryofageekgirl, 8k

character exploration for uriel, feat. angel worldbuilding. gen.

the (mostly accidental) courtship of dean winchester by tuesday, 11k

broadly i tried to stick to less well known works for this list, but some things are classics for a reason. destiel. cas informs dean that they are 90% of the way to married. he has not previously mentioned this.

right of conquest by luchia, 14k

a very different vision for lucifer and the apocalypse, written before season five aired. destiel.

heart of glass by omphalos, 17k

destiel. an odd one. lots of dean-cas sniping. crowley is there. has a very of-its-time feel.

no birds or beasts does he eat (he only wants the tenderest meat) by mthrfkrgdhrwego, 18k, violence warning

a my bloody valentine remix. with crazy destiel gore sex.

an unclean man who went down to immerse himself: by 52ndstreet, 22k

cas and jimmy before the possession. what if it went way further than the pasta water. gen.

hesitation by apokteino, 24k, noncon warning

yeah yeah yeah it's apokteino everybody's read apokteino NO THEY HAVE NOT. everybody has read with understanding. hesitation is a WILDLY underappreciated element of the apokteino canon. season four destiel romance with some key misunderstandings.

oneiroi by rc_mclachlan, 54k

cas adventures in the realm of dreams. another fandom classic, but still deserving of a rec.

four rings and a one man apocalypse by funnywings, 57k, chose not to warn

dean uses the horsemen's rings to mess with cas' emotions. cas lets him. destiel.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

I want destiel with 13 or 22 (the prompts you reblogged)

Take it easy, with me please, touch me gently, like a summer evening breeze

"You know what this mix is called, Cas?" Dean murmers, pressing his forehead to the side of Castiel's and changing their sway to match the new rhythm.

They've been dancing alone in the kitchen, slow and close, for something like half an hour, and these are the first words either of them have spoken since Dean pulled Cas in. On one side their hands are tangled loosely together, and on the other their arms cross over at their waists, keeping them both pressed together, chest to chest.

"No," Cas says, playing along. They both knew the tape had already been in the stereo when Dean had reached out and pressed play. It wasn't one Cas recognised; all slow, a lot of crooning women.

"It's called, 'For Cas, if we win'. I made it while you were gone." Dean's breath warms the tip of Cas’s ear, and his meaning warms him everywhere else.

"Was there an 'if we lose'?"

Dean shifts his head back to look Cas in the eye. "No. I was never going to happen."

Andante, andante, just let the feeling grow.

Enchanted by the devotion in Dean's eyes, he's caught of guard by his sudden, amused smile. He understands when Dean sings along, sotto voce, "Touch my soul, you know how. Forgot that was coming."

"You've touched mine, now," Cas reminds him, "Or, the closest thing I have to one."

That's how he'd gotten out of the Empty, Dean cradling his Grace to his chest and then fighting his way back through miles of black, sucking sludge, beset by angels, demons and the Empty's own power as he went. The place had been a lot more active since the last time Cas had been stuck there, but no less bleak. There had only been a chance for Dean to finally choke out an, "I love you too, you fucking idiot," when they'd collapsed back out through the portal before he'd fallen asleep for 15 hours straight.

"Your hands were very gentle," Cas notes, and he can feel Dean's face heat as he moves them cheek to cheek, an endearing and unsuccessful attempt to hide his blush. "I felt very secure."

"I didn't want to drop you," Dean admits at a mumble, then complains, "You were freaking slippery, man."

"My apologies," Cas teases, and Dean knocks him with his hip in playful retaliation. "If it helps, you fought me all the way from Hell to your gravesite."

"Sounds like me," Dean says, with a prideful grin that Cas can hear in his voice.

I'm your music. I'm your song.

"Yes. Had I known then how you would change me, I might have held you even tigher."

"Or you might have let go, save yourself the trouble," Dean quips, but there's a fragility to it that has Cas stop the dance and take Dean's cheek in his palm, guiding him to look at him.

Play me time and time again, and make me strong.

"I wouldn't trade the life that we have built for anything. All the time that I have loved you has been-" Cas can't help the tears starting to catch at his voice - "Has been the best of my existence."

Dean's welling up along with him. Perhaps they will both cry every time he tells Dean he loves him. A very small price to pay, in comparison.

"Cas," Dean says in a rasp, and knocks their foreheads together gently. Two teardrops fall from Dean's eyes to Cas’s cheeks with the movement.

Andante, andante, tread lightly on my ground.

No matter who moved in for the kiss, they both lean into it, careful and soft and everything they haven't managed to be with each other until this point. The passion shared between them is palpable, even as the kiss remains relatively chaste. There's no finish line to run to, anymore. No Apocalypse to beat. They have the time to dance together, just as slowly as they please.

Andante, andante, oh please don't let me down.

[marchyfrommars]

Supernatural (2005-2020)

The Winchester Brothers’ Never-Ending Road Trip

So, you’ve heard about Supernatural, huh? The show that ran for 15 years, outlived several CW presidents and survived cast exhaustion. Strap in, because here’s the rundown of this legendary rollercoaster of a series.

Plot? Who Needs Plot When You’ve Got… More Plot. The premise is simple: Two ridiculously attractive brothers, Sam (Hair Goals) Winchester and Dean (I Eat Pie Like It’s My Job) Winchester, drive around in a sweet 1967 Chevy Impala hunting ghosts, demons, and things that go bump in the night. Sounds straightforward, right? Oh, you sweet summer child. By Season 15, they’re fighting God. Yes, the capital-G guy upstairs. And it totally makes sense… somehow.

The Bromance: Sam and Dean’s relationship is the emotional core of the show. One minute, they’re yelling, “You lied to me!” The next, they’re hugging and dramatically saying, “We’re all we’ve got.” Family therapy, who?

Monsters Galore: If it exists in folklore, Supernatural has hunted it. Vampires? Yep. Werewolves? Sure. Killer clowns? Obviously. That creepy thing you thought lived under your bed as a kid? Oh, that was definitely a Supernatural episode.

Humor That Slaps: The show knows it’s ridiculous and leans into it. Highlights include: Dean thinking he’s a literal dog for an episode. ("Look at my face. Do I look like I’m joking?"). A black-and-white monster movie tribute complete with campy Dracula. Sam getting possessed by a demon and going on a coffee bender (no one has ever looked happier about caffeine).

Guest Stars from Heaven (and Hell): Castiel, the socially awkward angel who doesn’t understand personal space, steals every scene he’s in(and we LOVE him). Crowley, the snarky demon king, delivers sass like he’s on a Bravo reality show. And let’s not forget Bobby Singer, the grumpy surrogate dad who made “Idjits” an iconic insult.

Fake Deaths Galore: If you got a dollar every time a Winchester died and came back, you’d have enough cash to buy your own haunted mansion. Death is basically their vacation spot.

The Apocalypse, Again?: By the time the third apocalypse rolls around, you’re like, “Can someone else save the world for once? The Avengers, maybe?”

Overtime Issues: Around Season 11, you might feel like the writers are spinning a roulette wheel labeled “Heaven,” “Hell,” and “Another Monster with Daddy Issues.” But you stick around, because you’re too invested in the Impala’s gas mileage at this point.

The Legacy, fifteen years later, Supernatural left us with:

- A lifetime’s worth of classic rock songs stuck in our heads.

- Enough fan theories to fill an actual Bible.

- Destiel.

- A devoted fandom ready to argue whether Dean deserved that ending (spoiler: no pie in heaven?! Blasphemy!).

It’s not perfect—plot holes so big you could drive Baby through them—but it’s heartfelt, funny, and ridiculously addictive. Watching Supernatural is like hanging out with chaotic friends who always have a crazy story: you roll your eyes at their antics but wouldn’t miss it for the world.

And since it is my favourite series, of course I would recommend. But remember, when someone says, “It’s just one more episode,” they’re lying. You’ll be watching until you’re humming "Carry On Wayward Son" in your sleep.

The fullest Full Moon you’ll ever see 5/5 🌕

[thefirstradiant]

Suptober Day 9: Moon

The Prayer

🌙 Destiel🌙 Rating: Gen. Words: 1k. Angst, I’m so sorry, this was painful. Set post-series, but I ignore the finale like I should. Trigger for major character death though because this isn’t a fix-it for 15x18. Also, here’s one of the songs that inspired this and makes me cry for destiel every time I hear it.

It’s been three days. Only three days? It still seems impossible. Three days since they overthrew god and saved the world. Three days since they- since they won.

Dean grimaced and spit on the wooden floor. That word tasted bitter and foul even in his mind. They didn’t win. They never could. This couldn’t feel any less like winning if it tried. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and looked around.

Just, walls. Blank grey and brick walls. He used to think this bunker could feel like home of sorts. Cozy, sometimes. Now it was just empty.

I can’t do this, Sammy. Not without him. I never- I never even said anything.

“Cas, I-“

Dean’s voice broke. What little he’d managed to get out sounded hoarse and grating even to his own ears. He just didn’t feel much like talking these days.

I need to say something. Anything.

Dean’s eyes found the notebook sitting on Sam’s desk and he quickly made his way over to tear a page out.

I could, maybe. It was always easier this way.

He stooped to pick up a pen from where it had rolled in between the floorboards. He was holding it too tightly, he knew.

Dean sat at the desk, resting his arms against its smooth surface and wrote one word.

Castiel.

Dean’s hands started shaking immediately and he dropped the pen. He felt his chest stop moving. It was hard to breathe. He couldn’t do this. Not in here. Not like this. The bunker seemed to be pressing in on him, it was no longer empty, but full of space. Space that was closing in.

Dean clutched his paper and pen and turned away as fast as he could. He ran towards the stairs at the back of the room and took them two at a time. He wrenched the door open and almost fell out into the night. He waited.

It was easier out here. Dean began to remember how to breathe. He felt the rush of air come back into his lungs and he slid down to sit in the dirt. There was some grass, but it was mostly patchy, offset from the glowing patches of moonlight.

He looked up. A full moon, beautiful, bright. Too beautiful, too bright. He had to look away.

There, in the dirt on the front porch of an underground bunker in Lebanon, Kansas, with his paper pressed up against his leg, Dean Winchester began to write.

Cas,

I hope you remember the moon.

I do. I remember the moon outside that barn when I first saw you. I remember thinking it was so bright when I walked in that it almost blinded me. But it didn’t. Those sparks that covered you as you walked in, that’s what blinded me. It was hard to see you through them.

I didn’t know what to make of you at first. You pulled me out of hell and rebuilt my body. What’s a man supposed to do with that? I’m still not sure.

But you stayed. And came back. Over and over again. Cas, I’d never had that before. No one had ever stayed.

I remember motel rooms. Waking up to see you sitting near the window, staring out, with the moonlight or the streetlights lighting up your face. I used to wonder what you were looking at out there for all those hours. Was it the sky? The people? Cars? Animals? What were you seeing out there?

Then, you started to tell me. You showed me what you saw in the world. The life, the warmth, the small things and the large. You found us interesting, endearing even. You told me about honeybees and snails. Lipstick and bridges, old books.

You scared people back then. You were always powerful, but then you were scary powerful, because I didn’t understand yet. It would many years before I really understood. But I don’t think I was ever scared for myself. Because I saw you in those motel rooms. When you weren’t looking out, you were looking at me, with that confused smile on your face. Like you didn’t know what to do with me either.

Cas, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you waited on me. I’m sorry that you waited for me. I remember the moment you told me you had waited under that streetlamp for hours. Hours until I called you back. You stood there for me. Sometimes I still don’t get it. But I think I’m beginning to.

I wanted you with me. All the time. And I didn’t know how to handle it when you left. That scared me more than you ever did. How was I supposed to keep you close when everyone around me dies? Guess I was right, wasn’t I?

I can still feel it. I can feel your touch as you healed me, many times. I can feel the glow of your grace. It almost feels, well, it almost feels like this. I’m sitting here in this little patch of light. It’s not your light, and it’s not warm, but it’s light.

That’s what you were to me, Cas. The light at the end of the tunnel that I never thought I’d get through. And I couldn’t see how close I was. For that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told you. That I couldn’t tell you.

I’ve done some shitty stuff, that’s for sure. You know more than anyone. But that’s not who I am. I know that.

Thank you. I wish to Heaven and hell and purgatory and back again that you hadn’t done it, but thank you. For saving me. One more time. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the moonlight again. That it had to be in that dark, terrifying room. I would have wanted you to have light, and fields, and flowers.

I hope it’s not just darkness where you are. It might be but, god, I hope it’s not just.. darkness.

And Cas, I am so sorry that you didn’t get to hear me say I love you. Because I do, Cas. I love you, I love you.

I love you. Wherever you are.

Dean blinked and watched a tear dry at the bottom of the page. It was stupid, but he added one more word, before pulling out his lighter and burning the page.

Amen.

[redheadspark]

September Prompt Session

Hello Lovelies!

Happy September! I know fall is around the corner and I am BEYOND excited (But here in California it is in the triple digits so that's not great at the moment!). However, this is my favorite season and a great introduction to the holiday season that is coming before we know it!

Last week I put on a poll to see what theme you all wish to see next in our prompt session! The result made me smile since it was one of my favorite prompts I've ever done! Thank you to see who voted, and with that, our next theme is:

Soulmates

Here are my rules:

1.) You may choose ONE character from my list Here. It’ll have the list of characters that I write for or have written for in the past.

*(If you have a character not listed that you wish for me to write, PLEASE MESSAGE ME AND CLEAR IT WITH ME FIRST TO SEE IF I CAN OR WILL DO IT!)*

2.) There is one list for this session. Please provide the number AND the character you wish for me to write.

Example: May I have Azriel from ACOTAR with #3?

*I write out the requests as a first come first serve. I will try my best to fulfill every request that comes my way, but please bear in mind I work full-time as a teacher. Because of that, I’ll be busy most of the day so please be patient and I’ll write in my spare time as much as I can :) *

3.) If I get two requests that are exactly the same, (same character and same number) I will only write it once! Please don't be afraid to ask if someone has already requested the character and number, I don't mind answering that for you :)

4.) You can request in my ASK box neither as yourself or anonymously. Although I would LOVE to give you a shout if you request as yourself, anon is perfectly fine!

5.) I will stop taking requests for this prompt session on Friday, September 13th, at 3:00 PST.

This session is going to be short since I'm going to a concert on Saturday with my cousin

6) Have fun and enjoy :)

Imprint - the soulmate’s touch will leave an imprint on their skin, aka Destiel ‘gripped you tight’

Sense8 - being telepathically connected to your soulmate no matter where in the world they are (and speaking and understanding their language)

Markings - a soulmate mark that only the soulmates have in common

Tattoo - when they reach a certain age, a tattoo shows up on their bodies that they have in common

Eye-colour - only being able to see everything in the colour of their soulmate’s eyes

Grey to multi-coloured - only being able to see grey until they meet their soulmate

Sharing injuries - receiving the same injuries (to a lesser extent) that their soulmate suffers from

Empathy - sharing the same emotions as their soulmate when they are close by

Names - their soulmate’s name is written on their body (maybe only initials)

First Word - the first word/sentence they hear their soulmate say is written on their body

Timer - everyone has a timer that’s counting down till they meet their soulmate

Dreamy - seeing their soulmate’s dreams or being able to communicate with them in their dreams

No harm done - soulmates are not able to hurt each other physically

Sharing songs - being able to share songs with their soulmate in their heads

Clock - everyone has a clock that shows the time zone their soulmate is in

Taste - only being able to taste anything after meeting their soulmate

Danger alert - people can feel when their soulmate is in danger

Tell no lie - it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate

Voice in their head - the voice in their head is their soulmate’s voice

Sharing birthdays - soulmates are born on the same day, share the first breath with each other

Tugging - being able to feel a tug in the direction of your soulmate if they are feeling a strong emotion

Different soulmates - people are not necessarily their soulmate’s soulmate

Once again, I will not be taking any requests after Friday, September 13th, at 3:00 PM PST. And don't worry, once October comes around I'll definitely get into a Fall Prompt Session!

Thank you and happy writing!

Tagging -@a-lumos-in-the-nox @botanicalbarnes @heliosphere8 @virtueassassin @ethereal-athalia @heartofwritiing @valeridarkness @pemberlyy @saradika @basicrese

[archiebaldo1414]

My version of

DEAN’S TOP 13 ZEPP TRAXX

Okay so, I’ve spent like 2 hours now pouring over my favorite Zepplin songs, the ones I don’t listen to all that much, what other people thought this mixtape consisted of, and have now (finally) put together what I think Dean gave Cas. That said, I’m very curious what you all think. Of the choices, the order, all that. I’ve seen lots of ones where there are a couple veryyyy Destiel codes songs, and then the rest is just like, their most popular songs that don’t necessarily say much about their relationship (at least I don’t think they do)

So I purposely chose songs and ordered them the way I did because I am a firm believer that

1. Dean is aware he’s in love with Cas, and has known he was bi forever. His issue with accepting his feelings is mainly boiled down to deep issues with internalized homophobia and a fragile relationship with masculinity that he got from his father, and the fact that his self esteem is -90 and Cas is An Angel Of The Lord (he can’t feel that way)

2. Dean gave Cas the mixtape as a romantic gesture to tell him he loved him

3. He purposely chose songs not necessarily becuase they were his favorites (though I think most probably are if only because they remind him of Cas. I also think some of them, like Baby Come on Home, he now doesn’t like as much as he used to because he hates thinking of Cas always leaving him), but becuase they told a story about his relationships with himself and his life, and how he loves Cas. At first I didn’t have songs like “Thank You” in there, becuase I didn’t know if Dean could say all that even in song form, but I am choosing to believe this was his Big Gesture and he truly went all out and put himself out there (too bad Cas didn’t understand and he couldn’t be vulnerable enough to tell him. Maybe part of that was just becuase of how obvious the songs were)

Anyways that’s a lot of talk but I’d love to hear anyone’s input! Or if anyone agrees and thinks I did an accurate job that would be cool to hear too! Making this ended up spurring the ideas for so many fanfics lol. I’ve really been at it for 3 hours now, but didn’t think I should include the full hour of just typing up my ideas for not one, not too, but three fanfics. None of them even directly relate to this damn mixtape😭😭😭

Oh if anyone can’t open Spotify read more for the tracklist:)

1. Ramble On

2. Babe I’m Gonna Leave You

3. Good Times, Bad Times

4. What is and What Should Never Be

5. I Can’t Quit You Baby

6. Dazed and Confused

7. Baby, Come on Home

8. Communication Breakdown

9. Bring it on Home

10. The Wanton Song

11. Houses of Holy

12. Thank You

13. The Rain Song

[spnregular]

do the shampoo fic

like my wafflehouse hashbrowns is the second installment in my "bad touch" series, named for the bloodhound gang song. this is a dom!dean fic where lol you just have to hear me out!!!!!!! dom!dean is a silly concept but when the stars align it like rlly hits. tagging @ragdollsammy bc they asked about this as well!

Dean cobbled a shopping list together in his mind while running his fingers through Cas’s chest and arm hair. It was nice that Cas slept now. Dean could look at him in peace.

crucially dom!dean is about cas btw, this is about cas thinking it's hot

Once he really couldn’t deny the need to piss, Dean finally got up, pressing a kiss to Cas’s temple as he rose. Dean knew Cas wasn’t going too far. He’d be waiting when Dean came home. 

In my perfect world, cas and dean have the bunker to themselves. Dean is in full housewife mode nesting and making sure everything is perfect for his man and his boys when theyre in town. Also dean knows everything ok, no one gets anything by him bc he buys everything! Also i despite how i get on dean’s case all the time, i spend a lot of time also thinking about how soft destiel can be once dean lets go of other things. like once he stops hunting and isnt around sam all the time.

Dean paced up and down the aisle grabbing at dumb shit. Sam and Eileen were in town for the weekend so Dean knew he’d have to pick up some extra stuff. For all that Dean stole a little ointment from time to time, Sam was a fucking menace with hair stuff. Dean couldn’t believe how much product went in to maintaining that fucking mop of his. Equally unbelievable, was how prissy Sam could get about brands. It all had to be good for the environment, no chemicals n’ shit. All code for expensive. Dean sighed before taking his phone out.

Dean and gender….. Also dean really does believe sam is a lil self centered lmao he’s so crazy

Sam huffed out a laugh, “Dean, you still use three-in-one. That stuff sucks.”

“Then tell me why I was always running out of it for the entire year of 2013,” Dean clapped back.

So dean uses three in one bc men shouldnt have more than two soaps at a time obviously and 2013 is an attempt at referencing sam’s s8 hair because he was soooooo beautiful lmfao like they should have kept that stylist around.

Dean blinked. Cas was terrible at shopping. “Whaddyou mean ‘Cas got you some stuff’?”

Remember when cas knocked over half a gas station trying to put together an apology basket for his man….

“He, uh,” Sam hesitated, “He’s already got some stuff that’s really good. Organic and local.”

When cas showed sam how to jerk off the plant, sam almost had a heart attack bc i believe that cas was jerking that thang silly. Actually sam’s reaction is what clued cas into it being akin to an erotic experience for humans (cas would already find it erotic). But here, sam does not want dean to know that he found cas harvesting the plant super horny bc dean can be a lil possessive. That’s dean’s angel u kno…..

“Whatever, Dean,” Sam said, “See you back at the bunker. You’re out of Cheerios, by the way.”

I like to laugh abt cereal discourse

“You remembered the bags this time,” Cas said, smiling more with his eyes than his mouth, “Sam will be pleased.”

Dean grunted in response before leaning in to kiss Cas on the cheek, “Y’wanna help me get this all put away?”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas placed his book face down, splayed out along the already cracked spine.

“You know, he ain’t gonna be too pleased when he sees you been practically spatchcocking his books,” Dean said as he worked, mentally cataloging each dry good and dairy product. This should last a few days despite the few extra mouths. 

“Oh, well,” Cas said, not pausing a bit as he moved through the kitchen. 

They both love sam a lot, but also cas doesn’t give a shit what sam thinks whereas dean kinda does.

Dean snorted. They moved in the sort of quiet that only came from hard-earned understanding.  The sort of trust you had to fight for. What they had wasn’t perfect– still plenty of bumps in the road, still plenty of loud fights and disappearing and saying shit they didnt’t really mean– but they fucking worked for it. 

Dean smiled to himself when they finished. Everything was squared away where it should be: snack cupboard overflowing, fruit bowl filled for Sam, and Dean’s hip glued to the back of Cas’s ass as he pulled him in for a hug.

Everything is by dean’s design….. As it should be obviously…..

“Hey, you gone shopping recently?”

Cas pulled back to look up at Dean, “No. You hate when I go shopping without you.”

Dean does not think cas is capable of getting the right stuff at the store and has Made This Known. Not great lol, but cas is fine to defer to dean’s greater wisdom of humanity anyway.

Cas tilted his head, “He’s not mooching, Dean. There is plenty to go around. You’re welcome to some if you’d like. I’ve noticed that you like how it smells.”

Dean felt his neck heat up, “You noticed me sniffin’ you?”

Cas nodded, doing that eye smile thing again. Dean’s stomach swooped. 

“It’s comforting,” Cas said.

I got really soft in my chest writing this bit because well, theyre in love…. And doing cute things….

What Cas called a garden, most would call a patch of weeds. It sat about a quarter of a mile away from the bunker, nestled away in the woods. When Cas said he wanted a garden, Dean pictured sunflowers, rose bushes, maybe some zucchini. Something more like what you’d see in a Thomas Kincade calendar. The greenery that Cas cultivated… was a little different from that.

So gardening is a total made up fanon cas bit that i employed just to make this fic work. Im not opposed to most fanon cas headcanons like gardening or reading i just think that if you do it it should be weird. Like i think cas would be so intimately aware of what he puts in his compost and would like watch it decompose. Another thing he would find erotic.

Dean could never make heads or tails of it. Cas insisted that most everything was native to the area, no invasives, whatever that meant, but it just looked like a mess of weird leaves and nasty mushroom logs. Sure there were flowers, but nothing Dean knew the name of. Once, Dean asked if anything was poisonous and Cas told him not to touch anything. Didn’t have to tell Dean twice.

Cas clearly seemed to know where and what everything was because he led Dean through it all, all confident. He quietly instructed Dean to watch his step every so often. Don’t touch those flowers. Be careful of the bees. There were mole holes there, be careful.

Yeah, Dean didn’t get it but it made him fuzzy inside that Cas did. 

Have you heard that dean thinks cas is a cute lil guy…….

“This thing’s from Hawaii?” Dean leaned in over Cas. It did smell really good, “Thought you were doin’ a native only garden?”

“The plant originates in South Asia, if I recall,” Cas trailed his thumb up and down the fat, thick ridges of the pinecone. Dean blinked fast when he saw Cas’s thumb coming away shiny, “And mostly native.”

I didnt add this detail but cas uses what’s left of his grace to keep the garden going. Keeping a shampoo ginger plant alive in a heavily shaded forest would be nigh impossible without divine intervention.

Something flashed in Cas’s eyes, “Generally, I come to you for a ‘little tug’. But, yes, I harvest the gel for my hair regularly.” With his clean hand, he dug into his pocket to pull out an empty bottle. He rubbed his hand along the rim, collecting what he could and letting the rest fall.

This may be a dom dean fic, but honestly cas does know how to push dean’s buttons. Like theyre dog4dog you know. Also i feel like i did cas a lil ooc with the “i come to you for a lil tug” line bc i dont think cas is one for wordplay but i wanted to get him flirting

Dean raised an eyebrow. Cas was pulling out all the stops here, big blue eyes, mouth parted, hair tousled, just begging for Dean’s fingers to grip and run through it. The fucking kneeling on the ground. Dean was getting played, he knew he was getting played. 

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean said, a lazy smile slowly sprawling across his face, “Where do you want me?” 

Cas absolutely knows that dean gets a kick out of teaching him stuff and well cas likes it too.  Nevermind that cas is a capable person (debatable in dean’s mind), cas likes knowing that he’s doing what dean wants.

Cas angled the bottle to follow their hands, collecting what he could. Almost seemed pointless. The plant was so wet, just gushing out in a constant stream of sticky, tacky fluid. Dean took in a sharp breath when Cas rearranged their fingers, so slightly, just to run his wet thumb along the broadside of Dean’s wrist. Their hands were almost at the tip, so close, and the bottle was almost full. Some of it splashed onto Dean’s boots and the ground beneath them was soaked, the liquid pooling deep. Dean’s mouth parted to exhale, his tongue heavy between his teeth.

So, i love to make the mundane erotic and i get so horny about plants lmfao.

Dean placed his other hand on Cas’s head and dabbed lightly at the gel collecting along his hairline. Cas looked up at him, his face open and eyes wanting. They closed so slowly when Dean’s hands moved, scratching his scalp and cupping the back of his head. Dean’s dick twitched at the sight.

Cas grunted and threw his head back, clearly reveling in the feeling of Dean’s touch. More gel fell down his forehead and neck. Dean’s hand tightened in his hair and he tugged lightly. 

“Don’t move unless I say you can,” Dean said, pulling Cas’s head forward.

Ok here’s where the domming begins. Dean LOVES to take care of things. He knows what’s best and he likes knowing that he can do something other than hurt people. He looooves to provide. But, you gotta follow the rules, you gotta do it right. Also dean loves to Look at the Angel. Especially when he’s covered in plant come (see title: i want you smothered want you covered like my wafflehouse hashbrowns)

“You know how I take care of my things. Keep ‘em clean, fine tuned,” Dean said, “Just like Baby.” 

Cas’s eyes widened, nodding in agreement with Dean.

“You like that?” Dean asked, his eyes hooded.

Cas nodded again. His eyes were so beautiful, framed in dark, wet lashes. Fuck– Cas was so beautiful, face flushed, sopping, dripping wet, hair mussed and wrapped around Dean’s fingers. He was looking up at Dean like he was waiting for a miracle to unfold. Dean bit his lip.

“I’m gonna take care of you just like that, okay?” Dean said and tugged on Cas’s hair, finally pulling him closer, “You gonna let me?”

Cas, jaw slack and shoulders relaxed, whispered out, “Of course.”

So the baby comparison lol. This seems to be why people love this fic and i must confess, this is an idea inspired by the issues series by everandanon. In the third installment of the series, cas is watching dean fuss and smile over trinkets from his childhood and cas wants to be something that dean cherishes and covets and keeps tucked away in a similar way. And then they have very very intense sex, you should read that series it’s very good. But reading that was sort of a eureka moment for me like cas wants dean to want to keep him. He wants to be dean’s special guy and he wants dean to care for him like a special treasure. And what possession does dean care for the most? His car. Dean’s car is like a religious idol to him, he worships it. So now cas is hearing that he’s in the same category as dean’s most precious and most reliable possession? He’s finna bust a nut.

Dean ran his hands through Cas’s soapy, wet hair so slow. When you had the opportunity to take care of an angel, you had to do it right. Dean scratched harder when Cas moaned, rubbed softer when Cas moaned. Dean was driving, but Cas was wayfinding. 

Before long, Dean couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t washed every inch of Cas’s head at least three times over. He couldn’t ignore the ache in his groin either, the way his dick pulsed with every little sound Cas made.

Dean also washes baby like this, over and over and he gets aroused by it. Caring for things makes him feel so good, so important. He likes to think he’s the only one who can really take care of the ones he loves in the right way. Doing stuff like this helps him feel that way.

Cas opened his mouth wide to fit as much of Dean as he could in his mouth. Dean’s dick lay on Cas’s tongue, undoubtedly heavy and fat. The wet heat of Cas’s tongue, the tiny movements pressed against the underside of Dean’s dick, had Dean feeling lightheaded. Cas didn’t move, didn’t suck, didn’t bob his head. Dean moved his hand in Cas’s hair again, prompting a long moan from Cas. The vibration of it took the air right from Dean’s lungs and he tugged on Cas’s hair. It was a fuckin’ feedback loop; the more Dean pulled and massaged the more Cas moaned and groaned and the more Dean pulled and his chest heaved. 

“Fuck, angel,” Dean said, “Keep it together.”

The short cockwarming portion of this fic is bc i like to think abt dean having trouble maintaining an erection. But the combination of cas’s mouth and cas doing what he’s told?? He’s got this one. Also this is very fun for cas bc he wants to go to town on that thang so bad but the tension and anticipation of dean telling him what to do just wins over.

“I’m gonna keep drivin’, okay?” Dean said, “Don’t. Don’t move, okay?”

Cas nodded so slightly, barely moving his head, but even that small action had Dean’s balls aching. 

Driving a car is like having sex to dean and vice versa of course. Drivers are the ones in total control and it’s their job to be in charge and keep everyone safe and happy.

Cas’s hands gripped the bottoms of his jeans, and even though that counted as moving, Dean let him have it. Sent a rush through Dean how much Cas liked it, how it made him handsy. When they first got together, Dean was afraid to touch the guy– thought he’d smother and choke him. Imagine if Dean realized ten years ago that Cas wasn’t above breaking any rules, if it meant he’d get to touch Dean. 

Destiel always gets me bc dean thinks he’s gonna hurt everyone but he doesnt realize that cas is a glutton for pain. And well yeah dean hurts cas a lot but cas….. He wants it lmao. Dean’s love IS smothering, it’s like freakin smoke, pervasive and you can really choke on it. But that’s sort of what cas is looking for, something all consuming that he can commit his entire being to. Two guys who love codependence…. well dean doesnt like it per se, but c'est la vie

“Stay with me, sweetheart,” Dean said, “Move your hand.”

“W-Wha–” Cas breathed out.

“On the red thing,” Dean said, slowing his pace on Cas’s dick, “Jerk off the flower for me.”

Purely horny reasoning here. Dean really likes watching cas engage in sexual acts even if theyre not with him (see life skills by ilovehowyouletmefall). Dean has such complicated feelings towards sex. This flower thing is perfect to watch bc it’s like a dick so dean can see his own dick in cas’s hand but ALSO it’s a flower…. Delicate…. It can get really beat up if you’re too rough with it…. Having a gender moment…..

Cas immediately latched onto Dean’s neck, sucking and biting hard. Dean sharply inhaled, his heart hammering in his chest. He reached his hand further into Cas’s pants to cup his balls. Things were so tight, Dean wasn’t sure how he hadn’t busted his load yet. He moved his hand back to Cas’s dick and squeezed hard again. Cas moaned into his neck and bit at the at bend of Dean’s jaw, licking and sucking like his life depended on it. His hand still worked hard at the plant, bruising its red flesh. Dean didn’t think Cas would be able to reuse this particular bloom again. The ridges were crumpled and the whole thing was falling apart. Cas shook under Dean’s hands.

Dean likes to be KISSED and LATCHED onto…. Mommy moment….  And he likes that cas is fucking the flower up, losing control (this is a thing for me, i love when cas loses control with dean)

“Come on,” Dean whispered into Cas’s ear, nipping at the lobe, “I got you.”

Cas moaned Dean’s name. The sound was almost a sob, but Dean couldn’t see his face to be sure. Dean squeezed Cas’s dick harder, back to that same crushing pressure. Dean’s hand was starting to chafe, but he didn’t want to let go of Cas to get more gel, didn’t want to stop touching him, didn’t want to stop hearing him cry out and tremble. 

This is a thing for them both. Dean HAS cas. Like cas belongs to dean meaning dean is gonna take care of him and dean is gonna make sure that it’s gonna be okay even when things seem overwhelming.

Cas’s arms immediately wrapped Dean and he pressed their lips into a crushing kiss. Dean let him have his way, opening his mouth wide. He rubbed Cas’s back, up and down, up and down, all soft and shit. Every time it got intense, they always made sure to follow it up with the soft shit. Turned Cas into angelic pudding every time. 

It’s not “aftercare” (it is) but dean doesn’t know bdsm rules. They have never negotiated a kink onnce in their lives. They just know it feels nice to be sweet on each other. :)

Dinner was great, as it always was when Dean had any control over it. He made something for everyone, letting the pride wash over him as everyone smiled into their plates, getting up from the table with full bellies. Even though Sam always gave Dean shit for unbuckling his belt at dinner, Dean caught him doing the same fuckin’ shit. It was good.

Everybody helped clear the table, but somehow Sam and Dean got stuck doin’ dishes, Cas and Eileen making themselves conveniently scarce when the time came. Secretly, Dean was pretty okay with that. Reminded him of all the small and simple moments they used to have, between all the bullshit. 

Dean’s rose colored glasses on the past lmao. Also dean believes he knows what everyone wants and it only gets worse when he’s right.

“Yeah, but you tell her you were jerkin’ it with, Cas?”

“Dean!” Sam almost dropped the plate in his hands.

“Hey, I don’t have any problems with it!” Dean shrugged, biting the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing, “But maybe Eileen might not like you fondling some aka pooki plant with my man.”

Dean thinks it’s funny bc obviously sam knows the optics of the situation. If dean had walked in on cas giving sam a demonstration he would have no reacted so well imo. Ive written a smubble where sam and dean share cas, but that is something i think works best in a pre season 9 world.

“Now you’re being racist,” Sam said. “Oh, now I can’t call out my brother when he plays slippery pickle with a guy I’m fucking,” Dean said, rolling his eyes, “Because of woke.”

absolutely ridiculous of me but i love thinking about dean as a sort of modern archie bunker type character. he knows the whole thing is ridiculous here but he loves to push sam's buttons lol

[watchandread02]

For the "Holidays with the Winchesters: A very Destiel Christmas Advent Calendar" by @archervale and @wormstacheangel

Day Eight: Winter

Ao3

Jack takes both of their hands, once Cas has helped him out of the car. They swing Jack around a bit as they walk up to the entrance. Sometimes Jack lets out a little giggle and it warms Dean’s heart every time.

‘Winter Wonderland’ the sign over the archway proclaims.

Jack is looking around mesmerized, taking in all the lights and attractions. Dean can understand the kid, it truly is a magical sight. All the booths are lined with Christmas lights, which blink to the beat of the Christmas songs playing over the speakers. There is a large Ferris Wheel, which looks gorgeous in the setting sun. Dean even catches sight of a skating rink and a fairytale wonderlandt.

“So what do you want to do first?” Dean asks.

Jack contemplates it for a moment. “I wanna go on the giant wheel first!” he says as he points at the Ferris Wheel.

“Then we’ll do that.” Cas says.

They make their way over to the Ferris Wheel and get in line. Dean and Cas try to distract Jack by pointing out pretty lights and playing I Spy. Luckily they don’t have to wait for long before they can get into a gondola.

Dean and Cas are sitting next to each other, with Jack in Cas’ lap. As the Wheel begins to move and make its ascend, the compartment shakes a little bit. Oh shit, Dean hadn’t really thought this through. He was just so happy about Jack’s excitement, that he hadn’t thought about the fact that they would leave the ground in a tiny metal death trap. He grips the handle bar tightly as he starts to hum metallica. His humming stops as another hand grabs his, where it is balled up on his thigh. He looks towards Cas, to find him already looking back.

“Are you okay?” Cas whispers as he squeezes Dean's hand.

“Yeah, just… you know… heights. Didn’t really think this through. But I’ll be okay.” Dean says, as he entangles his fingers with Cas’ and puts on a smile that Dean hopes is even just a little bit reassuring. Cas gives him a worried look, but Jack pulling on his sleeves, pulls his attention away. Dean just keeps staring at Jack and Cas interacting, pointing out all the sights and laughing together. When Cas looks back at him, Dean is smiling fondly at the scene. Cas’ face softens and he gives Dean a quick peck on the lips, before he turns back around to talk with Jack. Watching the two of them makes the ride go by quickly and before Dean knows it they are back on the ground. Dean finds it surprising that he actually feels really steady on his feet. Maybe heights aren’t so bad when you have something worth getting off the ground for.

“Well how about we get our bodies moving a bit? There’s an ice skating rink over there.” Dean says, as he gestures over to the rink.

“But I don't know how.” Jack says in a sad voice.

“Well I don't know how to either. So, I guess we’ll just learn together? Maybe Dean can teach us?” Cas says, addressing the last question to Dean.

Faced with two very persuasive blue eyed, puppy dog faces, Dean really wouldn't be able to say no, even if he wanted to.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Dean says as he claps his hands. The twin smiles breaking out across Jack’s and Cas’ face makes Dean’s own smile even wider.

They get Jack one of those skating helpers in the form of a penguin. He’s a bit unsure at first, but gets his bearings pretty fast and soon enough he is skating laps around the rink, without Dean hovering a few steps behind.

Dean goes to the rink’s entrance where Cas is waiting.

Holding out his hand, Dean asks, “you ready for this?”

“I guess.” Cas says as he takes Dean’s outstretched hand.

Dean pulls Cas onto the ice carefully. Cas flounders a bit as he steps onto the slippery ice for the first time. Dean pulls him close and steadies Cas, who gives him a grateful smile. Dean instructs Cas to hold onto the banister as he moves off a bit to show him how to skate. They start with Cas just practicing at the rail for a bit, before slowly moving away from the wall. Dean is always beside Cas, holding his hand and gently guiding him through the motions. Once Cas has the hang of it they move around the rink slowly, holding hands and watching Jack enjoy himself. After about half an hour Jack comes up to them, the kid looks pretty tired.

“I wanna eat something now.” Jack whines.

“Okay, why don’t you and Dean look for something for us to eat and I’ll return our skates?” Cas asks.

“Okay Dad.” Jack answers.

They make their way out of the skating rink and get out of their skates. Cas moves off to turn in their shoes and Jack and Dean move towards the booths to find something to eat.

“Hey Jack, you okay with eating Flammkuchen or would you rather eat Kartoffelpuffer?”

“I haven’t had either of those, so can we try both?” Jack asks.

“Yeah no problem, let me just send a text to your Dad so he knows where we are.” Dean does just that, before they start walking again.

“Dean, can you pick me up? My feet are tired.” Jack asks, pulling out the puppy eyes again.

“Of course, little man. You okay with going on my shoulders?” Dean answers.

Jack practically lights up. “Yeah, then I’ll be as tall as you and Dad!”

Dean hoists Jack up on his shoulders, making sure he has a secure grip on the kids legs, before starting to walk again.

They have successfully acquired the Flammkuchen and are standing in line for the Kartoffelpuffer when Cas finally joins them again. Dean had been getting kind of worried where his boyfriend was, but the three mugs in his hand give him a clue.

“Hey sweetheart. I see you got us some drinks?” Dean asks as Cas comes to stand beside them.

“Yes I did. And I see Jack is having fun.” Cas answers as he looks up at Jack who is still perched on top of Dean’s shoulders. Jack looks down at them for a moment, before going back to staring out over the booths.

“I’ll get us a seat at those tables there, while you get the food.” Cas says. He gives the two of them

Once they have gotten the food, they join Cas at the table. Dean sets down the food, before pulling Jack down from his shoulders and depositing him on the bench.

They eat their food and drink their hot chocolate, while Jack prattles on about everything and anything. Jack doesn’t seem to be much of a fan of the Flammkuchen, but the Kartoffelpuffer seem to be a hit.

Once they have fueled up with the food, Jack wants to see the fairytale wonderland. They throw away their trash and then move towards the fairytale wonderland. Jack walks around, taking everything in with big wondrous eyes. Dean and Cas walk a few steps behind him, holding hands, but having just as much fun looking at all the intricate reenactments of the popular fairy tales.

“You know this was a great idea. Jack’s definitely having fun.” Cas tells Dean.

Dean smiles really big. “I’m happy he’s having fun.”

Dean squeezes Cas’ hand before asking, “are you having fun as well, though? This is supposed to be great for all of us.”

“Yes, definitely. I mean I learned how to skate, so that’s a big plus. And just spending time with you and Jack, that always makes me happy. Thank you for taking us here, Dean.” Cas says sincerely.

Cas pulls them to a stop, before turning Dean to face him. They share a short and sweet kiss, before moving to follow after Jack again. Once they have completed a round of the fairytale wonderland, Jack looks tuckered out. Jack asks to get picked up by Cas and they make the decision to go back home.

Cas carries Jack in his arms back to the car, where he moves to put Jack into his car seat, but Jack protests.

“No, I want Dean to do it.” Jack says, reaching out for Dean with grabby hands.

Cas transfers Jack easily into Dean’s arms. Jack snuggles close to Dean for a moment and Dean holds him just that bit more tightly. Jack reluctantly lets go of him so they can actually make a move on to get home.

“Thanks for today, Pops.” Jack whispers, almost drifting off into sleep.

Dean chokes out, “no problem buddy,” before softly closing the door.

When Dean turns around, Cas is looking at him with an impossible soft look on his face. Cas opens his arms and Dean steps right into them.

“He just called me Pops.” Dean says, as tears start to make their way down his face.

Cas gently wipes at his cheeks before giving Dean a quick kiss. “Yeah we had a talk about it a few days ago. He said that he wants to start calling you Pops now and I told him that he should try it out and see what your reaction would be. I take it, you’re okay with him calling you that?”

“Yeah of course I am. I’m ecstatic about this. I love Jack, I love you. You two are my family and I’ve been starting to think of Jack as my son for a bit now, but I didn’t want to step on any toes.” Dean answers.

“No toes are being stepped on, don’t worry. And I love you too.” Cas says as he pulls Dean in for another kiss. This one lasts a little longer than the other ones they had shared throughout the evening. Pulling away for air, they stand close together, foreheads touching, just enjoying the moment for a bit. After a couple of minutes they detangle from each other and get into the car, to drive home.

[destieltropecollection]

DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 12 | Love Confessions

You're Not My Secret | @blessyourhondahurley

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,006 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, Dean Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Castiel Makes the First Move, First Kiss, Making Out Summary: Dean thinks he's an irredeemable bad boy, but Cas knows better.

Repeat Until Death | @huggybearsunshine

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,218 Main Tags/Warnings: Depression, grief, loss, displaced anger, Dean uses his words Summary: 15x3 The Rupture but with a bit more honesty

Belonging | @pluckydean

Rating: General Word Count: 1,300 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-canon, Love Confessions, human!Castiel, disregards 15.19 and 15.20 Summary: It would've been easier if Dean had said what he wanted to say the moment Cas got back from the Empty. Now it feels like every passing minute is another minute too late, and the words are harder to reach.

Manually Disengage | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,192 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Episode: s10e14 The Executioner's Song, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, First Kiss, Suffering Dean Winchester Summary: “My garrison was chosen to besiege Hell because of my disciplinary issues, Dean. You need to understand, Naomi and the intelligence division were exhausted by repeatedly reprogramming me over my fascination with and sympathy for humanity. It was a tactical choice.” “To get you outta the way?” “No.” A headshake. “Because they knew I would care enough about a human soul to do the job correctly. They were making strategic use of an unconventional asset. I was commended for it, actually. For raising you almost completely free of demonic taint and also for the meticulous restoration of your vessel. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought I’d be reprimanded for being too late and allowing the first seal to fall.” “Well, look what that got us,” Dean says bitterly. “A bunch’a near-misses for the world ending and now I’m gonna end up turning into a fucking demon anyway.”

A New Hive | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: General Word Count: 3,246 Main Tags/Warnings: Falling Angel Cas, References to Past Homelessness, Protective Dean Summary: Softly, Dean asks, “Well, what happens to her, now?” Castiel uses a small touch of his Grace to rejuvenate the bee so she’s no longer dehydrated or exhausted from her flight. The bee flicks her wings a couple times before taking off again. Castiel watches her, not quite jealous, but still filled with longing as he is reminded of his own wings, broken and flightless. He doesn’t look away as he replies, “There’s that community garden. Odds are, hers wasn’t the only colony in the area. If she’s lucky, she might be accepted into one of the other hives and find a new permanent home there.”

The Confession Constellation | @pointyearedelvishprincling

Rating: General Word Count: 3,735 Main Tags/Warnings: love confessions, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, just two dudes sitting under the stars, maybe they’ll kiss Summary: Something's up with Cas. It's been a long drive, and Dean is determined to get to the bottom of whatever he's done to piss off the angel. On a warm night on an empty road, they trade long-held secrets under the stars.

Downpour | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,737 Main Tags/Warnings: Self worth issues, Falling Angel Cas, First Kiss, Salt ‘N Burn Hunt Summary: Its raining, its cold, and Dean just wants this salt and burn hunt to be over with. The ghost they're hunting gets the jump on him, but luckily, its Cas to the rescue. Cas, driving his car, illuminated by the rain, and swinging like a badass. The sight has Dean longing to kiss his Angel.

it's golden like daylight | @watchinghimrakeleaves

Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,884 Main Tags/Warnings: Season/Series 10, canon divergent, dean winchester bears the mark of cain, love confessions, first time Summary: While hunting for a cure for the Mark of Cain, Castiel finds release in the arms of strangers. Dean is less than pleased when he finds out.

A Novak Family Reunion | @destielsuperfan

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,453 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Metatron (Supernatural), God | Chuck Shurley, Amara (Supernatural), Naomi (Supernatural), Gabriel (Supernatural), Lucifer (Supernatural), Hannah (Supernatural), Anna Milton, Bobby Singer, Ellen Harvelle, Jo Harvelle, Charlie Bradbury, Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Human, Dysfunctional Family, Supernatural (TV) Characters, Heartwarming, Found Familiy, Protective Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Homophobic Language, Castiel's POV, God | Chuck Shurley is Castiel's Parent, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending Summary: When Castiel receives the upsetting invite from his brother, he has to chose whether or not to endure a painfully long Novak family dinner. Dean persuades him that it could be a good idea to attend given their "special announcement" Castiel has yet to share. Cas thinks he is crazy, it's not like Dean hasn't experienced a dysfunctional family dinner with him before!

i fold in half so easily | @autisticandroids

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4,806 Main Tags/Warnings: non-consensual voyeurism, hurt no comfort, grieving, cas & jack, dean saves cas from the empty, post-canon, destiel getting together Summary: A study in learned helplessness, set in the Men of Letters Bunker. Cas clings hard to what he has, and doesn't think about what he doesn't.

Stupid | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: General Word Count: 4,831 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mistaken Identity, First Kiss Summary: Since he forgot his phone at work Dean borrows Charlie's cell to send Cas a quick message. What follows turns his world upside down. (In which Cas thinks he's talking with Charlie and reveals way more about his true feelings than Dean is able to handle.)

Tell Me We're Real | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Mature Word Count: 5,851 Main Tags/Warnings: Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Suicide Attempt, Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed Dean Winchester, Psychological Trauma, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: *You’re not real,* Dean thinks idly. *But that’s okay. I’ll still take it.* “I’m real, Dean,” Cas whispers, so quietly that Dean almost can’t hear him. These words are just for Dean. Sam’s not allowed to have them. “Jack rescued me. Now I’m here to rescue you. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Mine, Yours, and Ours | @huggybearsunshine

Rating: Mature Word Count: 5,982 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel possessing Dean Winchester, consensual possession, angelic grace, hurt/comfort, accidental confession, sharing a body Summary: Castiel is badly hurt, and Dean has to make a difficult choice.

Smoky Mountain Angel | @notastupidbird

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6,906 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, Estranged Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Dead John Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Bottom Dean Winchester, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Rain Sex, Power Outage, First Kiss, First Time, Marriage Proposal, Love Confessions, POV Dean Winchester Summary: “Hey, uh,” Dean says, clearing his throat. “Thanks for coming up here with me, man. I know you never liked the guy, but ... when I heard you were in town, I....” Dean trails off, not sure where he was going with that thought. Cas looks over at him. “It’s no trouble,” he says. His voice is low and rough, but quiet and gentle in that way it always was before. It’s the same way that used to make Dean’s chest ache. “And I’m sorry for your loss.” - + - After his father’s death, Dean finds himself back in his hometown, once again boxed in by mountains and his own personal demons. When his childhood best friend Cas agrees to help Dean clean out John’s old cabin, the two of them are forced to reconcile old feelings after a thunderstorm leaves them trapped there overnight.

Saharaa | @deanabean

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6,951 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Western, Drifter CastielHurt Dean Winchester, Starry nights, Campfires, Sunrises, Declarations Of Love, Discussion of feelings, Parent Dean Winchester, Emotionally Competent Dean Winchester, Forehead Touching, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Non-Linear Narrative Summary: The stars were bright as they were high, the fire was warming the air between them. Castiel doesn't know why or when did this "trip" of theirs first developed into a habit. He also doesn't remember how it went and grew itself into a fully fleshed sacred tradition. but it did, and he is nothing else is eternally grateful for that.

The Eastern Tower | @twinone1221

Rating: Mature Word Count: 10,370 Main Tags/Warnings: Dystopian AU, Canon Typical Violence, Chased through the woods, Headshot, Kill It With Fire, run for your life, broken arm, Tortured for information, Beheading Summary: In the post-apocalyptic town of Bunker Down there are four towers that must be guarded. Dean is 8 months into his two years of guard duty on the Eastern Tower, where nothing ever happens. Cas is a runner that uses the path connecting his town, New Haven, with the Eastern Tower of Bunker Down. As he’s running the path after the first snow of the season he realizes that something is following him. Will he reach safety in time?

The Tempest | @whichstiel

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 33,264 Main Tags/Warnings: Shakespeare, Verse, The Tempest, Canon divergent Summary: When Team Free Will learns that Bobby is in Heaven’s lockup, they mobilize to spring him out. Dean knows that nothing is ever easy, which is why he drags Castiel along for a last-night-on-Earth extravaganza just before the heist to free Bobby goes down. That evening shifts their relationship in new and unsettling ways, but there’s no time to explore it. They’ve got a mission. This tale, told half in prose and half in the style of a Shakespearean play, follows our players as they try to enact their rescue. The plan is simple: get in, get Bobby, get out again. When the rescue goes sideways, Dean, Sam, and Castiel find themselves trapped in a version of Shakespeare’s The Tempest - and the world is populated with some very familiar faces.

[scoobydoodean]

You know what just really frost my cookies with the whole "Dean doesn't care as much about Cas" discourse??? That post you reblogged about how strong their relationship was in s4/s5 got me thinking about this, but like they had two seasons of such intense relationship building and camaraderie, that Dean was literally fighting Bobby and Sam (his two most important people!!!) over not trusting Cas in s6, and it was DEAN who tried to keep a relationship with Cas s6 - s8, like that man tried everything to keep their relationship going - and that's not to blame Cas, he had his own shit going on (well except for s6, I do blame him for that lol his position is understandable, but it was still his fault), but Dean tried and it still just never worked.

Maybe this is just me, but I've always kind of viewed their relationship in the later seasons as, Dean worked hard to keep them going for so long that eventually it kind of just...hit him that maybe Cas didn't want that? So he stopped trying quite as hard, he remembered the times Cas left, and he interpreted them as rejections, which is in part why the Divorce Arc happened - it was a culmination of many many MANY things, not just the "obvious". That's just my interpretation though, and obviously others have and can interpret it differently.

In summary I see it as, early seasons Dean chasing and pining after Cas, eventually feels rejected and betrayed, later seasons Cas chasing and pining after Dean

Though to be fair and admit to my biases, I was watching s6-s8 in real time on TV, and then I drifted away mid s9 and didn't go back and watch the rest of the seasons until recently, so my strongest impressions of Destiel are of those earlier seasons, so I tend to view it in a different light I think than people who started watching later (or more specifically after Nov 5th and/or for Cas - not that anything is wrong w watching for those reasons lol)

Yeah I think it is very very silly to think that Dean doesn’t care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him. Like wildly so.

I think this line of thinking comes mainly from focusing too much on one character's POV. I think Dean came off a few times in season 6 like he saw his relationship with Cas as transactional—even though that isn’t imo how he actually felt about Cas (just like we can analyze Cas as thinking of his relationship with the Winchesters as very transactional but he does care about them despite how it appears). I think Dean was just kind of hurt because Cas had ghosted him for so long and he thought they were friends and they'd built this bond? So in season 6, he was reacting to what he thought were the boundaries Cas himself set—boundaries that suggested Cas—the guy controlling the means of communication—did not want a friendship with him. Cas ditched Dean in the car at the end of Swan Song and then just invisibly watched Dean rake leaves. Dean was right there. Dean could only pray to Cas. Cas wouldn’t respond. In season 6, without giving Dean a say—while watching Dean rake leaves and considering whether to ask for his help—Cas decided (again--unilaterally) he wouldn't involve Dean, and I do think that decision was out of love, and also probably because... well—he probably thought "what can Dean actually... do?" But ultimately, he wanted a person he cared about who had been through a lot to just be able to rest—that's what he says. Not including Dean (and Sam) continued after Dean came back to hunting as well, because 1) Cas was still thinking about protecting Dean 2) He didn't think Dean could do anything to help (which I think is... probably pretty reasonable—he originally considered including Dean I think mainly for his tenacity) 3) the whole thing had ballooned and Cas was making deals he probably didn't even fully agree with himself—so he was ashamed to some extent, but also knew... he wasn't going to stop, and that Dean would ask him to stop.

Cas is... well—I'm going to say "more morally flexible"... and I don't think that's always a bad thing. This is a useful quality in the line of work TFW is in, honestly. He is more ruthless than Sam and Dean and he also knows that he is, and I think he actually likes to position himself as the ruthless one. He likes being the person who is willing to do what is necessary to get shit done and he's willing to sacrifice a part of himself to do it... because he can take it. He planned to kill Jesse behind the Winchester's backs to spare them the unpleasantness (and the same, later, with Kelly and Jack—when Sam and Dean were looking for a way to save both of them and Cas just went to go find Kelly and kill her). He broke Sam's wall and killed a very good friend—Balthazar—because his friends were standing in his way and he was focused on his ultimate purpose which was stopping another apocalypse. He mind tortured Donatello because it needed to be done. I think that Dean understands that Cas wants to position himself as the ruthless one, and I think Dean also understands that this isn't always a bad quality. I also think it's an obvious point of contention, because Dean is the least morally flexible in the group and is the most tenacious, which I think Cas, in turn, appreciates about Dean—but it is going to lead to clashes between them as best friends with one being tenacious about choosing the least morally crooked path when possible, and the other saying "Can we please just get on with it? I'll do it if you don't want to—I don't mind."

And that's... to some extent, what is happening in season 6... besides the lying and the hurt besties feelings and secrets and betrayals. The actual soul swallowing plan? It's Dean's tenacious insistence on following a more prudent path versus Cas's "Let's get the fuck on with it"... and there's fairness to both sides of that imo... which is why I'm annoyed with certain individuals trying to make this a "sides" thing. It isn't the actual plan as much as it's what he did around it that's the issue, and Dean isn't obligated to agree with him or to trust him after he lied so many goddamn times. Like. Dean's trust was not something to which Cas was entitled, point blank.

You're right—Dean didn’t think Cas would ever lie to him like that in season 6. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it. And I think fans do this thing actually where they hear Cas say in season 6 that he’s always trusted Dean and he always comes when Dean calls and they just buy into that and go “Yeah! That’s so true!” and build an entire analysis on that (and then post insufferable parallels between that and 4.21 thinking they are saying something about Dean's "trust issues" when they are... making a very different parallel lmao). What Cas is saying about always trusting Dean isn’t true—and what’s more, Cas knows it isn’t. He knows suggesting Dean doesn’t trust him enough isn’t fair. When he was spying on Sam and Dean and Bobby he made specific note of “Dean trying so hard to be loyal” and defending him fiercely. (In fact—was there anyone Dean trusted more at that point in his life—despite also clearly being hurt by Cas ghosting him? Bobby, maybe. That's about it.) When Cas came back and tried to retroactively claim entitlement to Dean’s trust, he suggested an imbalance of trust because he was trying to dig into that part of Dean that is loyal to his friends. In other words, he was telling a lie for manipulation purposes, and that's just the damn truth. It isn't some crap about Dean having trust issues. It's Dean not buying some crap Cas is trying to sell—a twisted picture he is trying to paint to avoid doing something worse to get Dean out of his way.

It is insane for people to say Dean doesn't care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him though when you consider Cas hurt someone Dean loves just to keep Dean out of his way—he broke Sam's brain—Sammy's brain—and Dean still found a way to forgive that despite all of the trauma he has wrapped up in protecting Sam, and then he fought 360 degree combat through Purgatory looking for someone who abandoned him. Then while that person was beating him to death he was looking up at him calling him family and Cas again abandoned him. Any time Dean expressed affection for Cas there was a good bet Cas leaving would follow quickly. But Dean approaches Cas in a way the majority of fandom refuses to approach all of the characters—with an understanding of his motivations and hangups and intentions and what is in his heart (and Cas approaches him the same way). Despite it all, Dean knows that Cas cares about him. He doesn't understand why Cas won't include him though—or he does, and the reasons aren't okay with him and Cas will. not. stop. and that is the ever growing festering wound that leads to the divorce arc. It is absolutely 100% a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation. Dean's frustrations with Cas's unilateral decision-making are not... ever dealt with. Cas wanting to ghost Dean is not ever dealt with. Cas Malewifing sidelining Dean whenever he damn well feels like it by just refusing to answer the phone is not ever dealt with. Because each time it's discussed, it happens again. The ultimate narrative is just that Dean should be expected to accept it, and be grateful, and I don't think that's fair. I don't think that refusing to communicate is something that Dean should have to put up with from his best friend. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But more than that, I'm sad that it's something Cas isn't allowed to grow from, because that tendency—that desire for that secrecy and control of the means of communication and that desperation for martyrdom—that is coming from a place of great pain for Cas—a wound—and it's a deep one, and he deserved to get to start to close that wound up and heal.