#with the entire proposal written in detail and everything

[rafeandonlyrafe]

escape from isla nublar

words: 2.6k

warnings: jurassic world alternate universe, dinosaurs, violence, brief mentions of gore (but not detailed), illusions of sex but not actually written out, established relationship, soft!rafe, death tw, proposal, mentions of anxiety & panic attacks

a/n: im having a lot of fun with writing aus, so here! take another one!

“thank you so much for bringing me here, rafe.” you coo out, getting onto your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek.

rafes arm slides around your waist, keeping you tugged in close as the boat approaches the dock of the island. you squeal along with all the children gathered around impatient and ready to jump off the boat and explore.

“welcome to isla nublar!” the voice of a friendly sounding woman says over the speakers. “please disembark slowly and carefully and enjoy your stay in jurassic park!”

“baby, can i just say-” rafe begins as the crowd shuffles forward, most with bags in their hands or suitcases being wheeled behind them, but rafe has already arranged to have them brought to your room so you can get right to exploring. 

“mhm.” you hum, encouraging him to continue.

“that you've been so chill this entire trip so far. proud of you.” it might sound weird to anyone else, but you've always gotten nervous when leaving your home for too long, worried something bad would happen. rafe saw it on your first trip he took you on where you tried and very much failed to hide your anxiety.

“im so excited there's like no room for nerves.” you giggle as you walk down the gangway. “and the fact that you let me plan everything. you know how much i love a schedule.”

“we are so different.” rafe shakes his head, hand squeezing yours as you step into the concrete, turning away from the crowds heading to the resort and towards the main street and the iconic innovation center.

“opposites attract.” you state, and it couldn't be more true, but rafe loves you more than he could ever envision caring about someone.

as you round the lagoon, trying to see if you're able to catch a glimpse of the giant mosasaurs in its depths, you feel your excitement levels only elevate more.

“oh my gosh, there's the petting zoo entrance.” you turn and pout to rafe.

“isn't that mostly for kids?” he raises a singular eyebrow.

“i mean yeah, but you also get to pet baby dinosaurs. totally worth it.” you tug him towards the entrance.

--

“okay.” you sigh, placing your hands on your hips. “i guess we should slow down so we have things to do for the rest of the trip.” 

“im already exhausted.” rafe chuckles. “how about dinner then to the hotel?”

as tired as rafe is, he's certainly not going to complain about being run around isla nublar when he gets to see the gleaming smile on your face every time he looks at you.

“sounds good… we could go to winstons steak house,” you point in one direction, then the other “jurassic cafe, or the brachiosaurus restaurant.”

“how about whatever is closest.” rafe rubs his hand over his face.

“okay steak house it is.” it's your turn to take rafes hand. 

he barely manages to stay awake through dinner, and by the time you're back at the hotel, he's passed out on the bed before he can change into his pajamas.

--

“what would you like to do today?” you ask rafe. “anything but that hang gliding, you know how i feel about heights.”

“the gyrospheres look fun.” rafe shrugs and looks at the map pulled up on your phone. “or kayaking.”

“why not both.” you toss your phone to the side and cup rafes cheek, bringing your lips together in a kiss.

“you're the best boyfriend ever.”

rafe places a hand on your shoulder and pushes you down onto the mattress, laying you back.

“we can wait a little bit though, right?” the smirk on his face gives him away.

“i think that would be fine.” you giggle, pulling rafes shirt off over his head.

--

“that was actually so fun.” you hum out.

“it was when you let me drive and we could finally go fast.” rafe says. you were halfway through the gyrosphere tour when you handed the controls over to rafe, allowing him to speed through the ankylosaurus herds.

“but we will not be doing that on the kayak.” you hold your finger up.

“yes ma’am.” rafe says, slipping the attendant a $20 bill to move you to the front of the line, not wanting you to have to wait.

“life vest.” rafe says, slipping it over your head while he just grabs his and throws it into the kayak, not planning on putting it on unless something happens.

rafe helps you step down into the kayak, grabbing the paddle knowing he's going to sit in the back and do all the work.

--

“this is so beautiful.” you say, leaning back into your seat as you look at the stegosaurus and it's long neck reaching up to grab the leaves, his feet submerged in the water as you paddle past.

“this might be even better than the velociraptors.” rafe says.

“wait-” you sit up. “whats that sound? is that a radio?”

it takes a second for rafes ears to pick it up, but he can hear the frantic static of voices over a walkie talkie.

rafe continues to paddle, realizing suddenly that you've separated from all the other kayaks and can't see anyone. he brings the kayak closer to the side when he hears the radio as you reach out to pick it up from the muddy bank.

you turn the volume knob up as you try to make out what the voice is saying through the water logged speaker.

“we sent the containment unit out with nonlethal force and they're all dead! immediate evacuation, get everyone inside and back to the hotel!”

“rafe…” you turn towards him, eyes widening in fear.

“im sure it's just some kid pulling a prank.” rafe takes the radio, finding the speech button and pressing it. “what is going on?”

“who is that? this is an authorized channel.” one voice says before another cuts it out.

“whoever you are, seek shelter immediately. the indominus rex is on the loose, currently heading towards-” the radio sparks and then dies out.

“shit.” rafe hits it against his thigh, but it's clearly no use.

“rafe.” your voice is already shaking. “the indominus rex. i don't know what it is, but it doesn't sound good.”

“okay.” rafe stands up and steps out of the kayak, pulling it onto the bank before helping you out. “baby-” he places his hands on your shoulders. “i need you to stay calm. you know this island like the back of your hand. where are we?”

“we-” you take a deep, shaking breath. “we are halfway through the kayak adventure. we should head just west and find the road to the aviary.”

“okay.” rafe presses a kiss to your forehead. “let's go quickly and quietly. im sure they've already contained whatever dinosaur escaped.”

“yeah.” you nod, gulping, not so sure.

rafes steady hand stays in yours, helping you over bushes and downed trees.

“shouldn't be much farther.” you bite your lip, hoping you didn't get the direction wrong.

“hang on.” rafe whispers, placing a finger over his lips. 

before you can fully comprehend what's happening, he's tugging you down under a giant tropical plant, the leaves hiding you as you hear whatever rafe did, the pounding footsteps of dinosaurs.

“that's the stegosaurus we saw earlier.” you remember the distinct marking along its side.

“get over here.” rafe pulls you in tighter, not allowing you to see as he presses you against the stem of the large plant, covering your body with his own.

“it's okay, it's a herbivore.” you say, when you hear the second set of dinosaur footsteps following it. you tense up, and you can feel a panic attack setting in as you pick your head up to see some sort of giant rex running after it.

you both stay still and silent until it's clearly far enough away.

“rafe.” you tremble as you turn into your back, his body still hovering over yours, protecting you, willing to put himself in the line of danger if he needs to.

“it's okay.” his voice is betraying how scared he is as well, but he's going to try his best to not let you see it. “let's just get to the aviary.”

“i-i can't.” you shake your head. “im fucking terrified.” 

“me too, baby.” he says. “but we gotta get under cover somewhere before that thing catches up to the stegosaurus and comes back for us.”

you swallow deeply, eyes closing for a brief minute, gaining all your courage you possibly can.

“okay.” you're up and moving quickly, running towards the aviary. your steps are no longer balanced and cautious, moving quickly through the jungle until you make it through the trees to the grassy plane.

“the aviary!” you point at the large glass dome, just in time to see a helicopter careening into it, smashing a hole that instantly has pterodactyls flying out.

“shit!” rafe shouts, tugging you back into the treeline.

“we're gonna die.” you sob out, not able to hold back your tears as you crumple to the ground.

“no.” rafe says firmly. “i will not lose you.”

he knows he needs to move, especially as the pterodactyls come closer, and he doesn't have time to console you enough to get you ready to move.

rafe reaches down and pulls you into his arms, hugging your shaking form against his chest as he follows the same path of disturbed leaves and muddy footprints back to the river.

“i need you to paddle.” rafe says, glad your kayak is still in the same space. “i know you're scared, but you need to help me here. we need to go fast.”

you sniffle and look up at rafe, your big eyes filled with tears causing his heart to pang out in pain. “okay.”

rafe bends down, pressing your lips together in a soft and caressing kiss before climbing onto the back of the kayak.

you both immediately begin to paddle hastily, not knowing where the next meat eating dinosaur could be.

“the river goes underground then should let us off near main street.” you tell rafe, eyes briefly closing to envision the map in your head before putting your entire focus back onto paddling.

“baby, still.” rafe says softly, both of you pausing as you look upwards, seeing pterodactyls wings flapping over, thankfully not seeming to notice you under the treetops, yet you still wait until they pass over before beginning to paddle again.

“there's the cave.” you say, pointing as the river bends and you head underground, lights strung along the cave ceiling as you paddle underground, able to take a deep breath now that you're under cover.

“are there any dinosaurs in this cave?” rafe questions, helping you move back so you're leaned against him. 

“shouldn't be.” you say, eyes closing as your adrenaline drops now that you're mostly safe.

“go ahead and rest.” rafe hums as he paddles, looking down at you in relief.

--

“y/n.” rafe shakes your shoulder and you sit up with a gasp, looking around, waiting to see the indominus rex charging at you.

“it's okay.” rafe says. “we're just leaving the cave.”

“so that wasn't all just a nightmare?” you sit up, knowing you must not have been asleep that long, but already feeling majorly refreshed.

“im afraid not.” rafe sighs as you grab your paddle to help steer.

“so this let's out…”

“near the resort. we should be safe there.” you squint into the dying sunlight as the kayak leaves the caves and enters into the large man-made lake.

you both quickly steer to the side, glad to be out of the kayak and on your own two feet.

“to the resort.” you say, able to tell that there are still people running from main street in that direction.

rafe is about to toss the paddle back into the boat when a screech comes from overhead and you both look up to see a pterodactyl perched over cave entrance.

“run!” rafe yells, not turning his back from the dinosaur to see that you haven't moved an inch, not leaving him.

the pterodactyl lunges forward just as rafe swings his paddle at it, hitting it in the beak, but it only enrages the dinosaur more.

you move quickly to grab your paddle, joining rafe in hitting at it, keeping the snapping beak away from pecking at your skin.

“baby, go.” rafe grunts out.

“no! im not leaving you.” you keep slapping at its beak and head until it gets annoyed and roars before taking off to the sky.

“fuck.” rafe groans. “i hate dinosaurs. sorry baby.”

“that's okay.” you say with a slight laugh. “i don't think i like them that much anymore either.”

you take off towards the resort, keeping your oars held tightly in your hands, just in case any pterodactyls try something.

“onto the ship or into the resort?” you question, seeing people trying to get into both.

rafe opens his mouth to respond when a roar rips through the air.

he looks around quickly, pulling you into taller grass, not having any other close cover.

“some of the gates must be down.” you whisper.

“why?” rafe questions, not doubting you as his eyes search through the field before you point at the crowd of people, even more frantic as you watch from a distance.

“because there's a metriacanthosaurus.”

the name makes rafe blink harshly before he sees it, the dinosaur flinging people around as it takes advantage of the hoards of people trying to get to cover.

“oh my god.” you cover your mouth, watching as the carnivore rips someone in half.

“don't watch.” rafe pulls you further into the grass, tucking you against his chest.

you close your eyes and focus on his arm wrapped around your shoulder instead of the screams.

“i got you.” rafe whispers, free hand tapping his shorts to make sure the box is still there in his pocket.

“i know.” you press your lips into his neck. “i know.”

gunshots ring out and rafe looks out of the grass to see that the dinosaur has finally brought down and everyone is safely inside.

“okay, let's run.” rafe helps you stand, deciding to head towards the boat instead of the hotel, knowing it's just one step closer to getting you safe.

you take off in a run, entering up the gangway you went down just yesterday morning.

“inside the cabin.” one of the staff says quickly, ushering you through the glass doors into the packed hallway of people, but rafe keeps moving, tucking you into him until you're towards the front of the boat, able to move up a level and find a place to sit down.

“we're okay.” you say as you relax into the sofa. “we’re alive.”

“i love you.” rafe says, head dropping to your shoulder. “im never talking you on another vacation like this again, but i love you.”

“and i thought you were protective before.” you chuckle, breathing out heavily.

“really ruined my whole plan though.” rafe knows that you both just experienced a trauma that will no doubt need to be unpacked later, but you're just happy to be safe inside the cruise ship.

“what plan?” you lift your head up.

“not the best time but-” rafe sits up and pulls a box out of his pocket. “i planned to ask you in front of the waterfall, all romantic and sweet. but i don't want to waste a single moment longer.”

rafe flicks the top of the box up to reveal a glimmering ring. “will you marry me?”

you let out a squeal and jump into rafes arms, “yes!”

sfw tags: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @ladyinbl00d @ethanthequeefqueen @drewsephrry @wearemadeofstardust0

[yuta-nakamots]

Bring The Noize - S.Johnny

Pairing(s) - Street Racer!Johnny x Female Reader, slight Kun x Female Reader

Genre(s) - Fluff, Action, Angst, University!AU, friends to lovers, lovers to ??? 

Warning(s) - breakups, cursing/swearing, making out with Johnny, dangerous driving, speeding, gun use (only once)

Summary - Johnny drives with a fury that mirrors the heartbreak you left behind, every turn on the track chasing the ghost of you. When you’re thrown back into his world, tension ignites into passion and danger, until one reckless race threatens to unravel everything still unspoken between you.

Word Count - 7.4k

Taglist - @k-vanity @neocity-net @cosyhomenet @yowmaman (fill out this google form if you’d like to be added!)

Author’s Note - This takes place before Highway to Heaven - K.Doyoung and Honor To Us All - Z.Chenle

Written for the Adrenaline Rush! Collab hosted by me @/yuta-nakamots. Also part of my NCT: Seven Deadly Sins Collection.

Now Playing: Bring The Noize - NCT 127, Gas - NCT 127, Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd, Red - Taylor Swift 

Being with Johnny felt like a constant adrenaline rush. He was always taking your relationship from 0 to 100 just as he did with his car on the racetrack. When you met him in your first year of university through an introductory business class, he was calm and charming, and ever so eager to take you out on a date. 

Thinking back to then, it had taken Johnny three tries to finally ask you on a date. The first time, he misread your scribbled phone number on his arm and texted the wrong number. The second time, his words fell onto deaf ears as you realized you were almost late to class and ran off. The third time, he had pinned you against a wall after class with his warm hands gripping onto your hips to make sure you heard his pleas. “Go on a date with me.”

”W-what?” Your breath hitched at the proximity and forwardness of Johnny’s actions. 

“Go on a date with me,” he repeated. “Please?”

Your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, but you couldn’t help but smile and tell him, “okay.”

It was on your first date when he picked you up in his Nissan GT-R Nismo, which he had gotten freshly detailed just for the occasion, and drove you up to one of his favorite lookout points right outside of town. From this vantage point, he pointed out the campus, his apartment, and a sprawling racetrack that you didn’t even know existed. “That’s where I spend most of my time when I’m not in class,” he told you while you both sat on the hood of his car. 

Johnny intrigued you. This side of him was entirely new to you, and you were itching to find out more. “What do you do over there?”

“Oh, just driving, fixing up cars, helping out the racing team I’m part of…” There was more he wasn’t sharing with you. 

“Do you race?”

You swore you saw the corners of Johnny‘s mouth twitch upwards. “A little.”

“How about we go there next time?” You proposed as your eyes traced the path of the racetrack. 

“Oh, so there’s a next time?” Johnny jokes, turning to face you. 

You shrugged, feigning indifference. “Only if you want it.”

“I don’t want it, I need it,” he declared while placing a hand on your hip and pulling you closer to him.  

On your second date, Johnny had obeyed your wishes and taken you to the track. He drove through the gates onto the pavement, the bright lights of the track reflecting off the surface of his car. 

The engine rumbled quietly as he pulled up to the checkered lines, bringing the car to a gentle stop. “Are you ready for this?” His eyes locked with yours, seeking reassurance before he fully brought you into his world. 

Your hand came up to run along the seatbelt that lay across your chest. “Never been more ready.”

Johnny’s lips stretched into a cat-like smile as he turned his gaze to the stretch of asphalt ahead and got comfortable in his seat. His hands gripped onto the leather of his steering wheel, making his knuckles go white. “Hold on tight,” he murmured, though you weren’t sure if it was directed to you or himself. 

You didn’t have time to ponder that thought when you were suddenly pushed into the back of your seat upon the rapid acceleration. Johnny took off on the straightaway and laid off on the gas as the first turn drew near. He took to the outside of the turn, then veered to the inside before guiding his wheel back to being centered and floored the gas once more. 

Johnny was a skilled driver, no doubt. His aggressive handling style poses a striking comparison to his smooth talking, yet mirrors his bold personality. He drove with an almost reckless edge, taking every turn just a tad bit faster than he should, causing you to clench in your seat. Your fingernails dug into the padding of the seat while your legs grew tense from pushing your feet against the flooring. 

He crossed the finish line and brought the car down to a coasting speed for another lap, letting the engine cool off a bit. “How was that?” He asked, his right hand coming to rest on your thigh. 

“Exhilarating.” You responded, your heart feeling like it was going to jump right out of your chest. 

Exhilarating indeed was your relationship with Johnny. After the third date, he drove you back to the dorms where you resided before killing the engine and stepping out into the cool night air to get to your door. He opened it with a smile, extending a hand to help you stand. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked, once you had found your footing. 

You looked up into his eyes as his palms planted on the metal of his car behind you, effectively caging you in. “As long as you’ll be my boyfriend,” you beam. 

Johnny’s lips came down to catch yours in a kiss that burned with passion. The same intensity that he drove with was reflected in each movement of his lips against yours. His large hands dragged down against the car before falling onto your waist, pushing you back against the sturdy surface. You couldn’t help but let out a quiet moan from the sensation of the cool metal against your back, your body arching into the warmth of Johnny’s. ”You make me go crazy,” he breathed, pulling away before biting your bottom lip playfully, his tongue peeking out and swiping where he had bitten. “Can’t be doing all of this out here where anyone can see us.” 

You pressed your forehead against his as a shy giggle escaped you between weighted breaths. “Should we get back in the car?”

Johnny groaned at the thought, his eyes fluttering shut in imagination. “You know I’d love that, but then you definitely would not be making it to class tomorrow.” His hands left your waist as he pulled you into his chest, his strong arms wrapping around your frame. “Next time.”

“Next time,” you echoed while hugging him back. 

He released you from his grasp with a dazed smile, showing just how enamored he was with you while you skipped up to the entrance of your building. He watched as you scanned your card to open the door and made your way to the elevator. You turned to wave goodbye when the elevator doors opened, and only then did Johnny slide back into the driver's seat, the engine of his car roaring to life once more. 

“What the hell do you mean you’re breaking up with me?!” Johnny practically shouted in the enclosed space of his car, parked in front of the apartment you had recently moved into at the start of your second year of university. 

“It’s just not working, Johnny.” At least, not the way you wanted things to work. 

He shook his head and slammed his hands on the steering wheel. “I don’t get it. What isn’t working? We were fine. We ARE fine.”

“But we’re not fine,” you fight back. 

“All the times I stayed off the track…all the times I chose you over my team…did that mean nothing to you?”

Maybe it was his obsession with racing, making his lifestyle even more unpredictable when he dropped out of university to focus on driving. Maybe it was how he seemed to love his car and the road more than you, somehow always finding a way to spend time at the track even when he couldn’t for you. Maybe it was the way you feared you’d never fit into his world, that you’ll never be enough for him to be proud of and show off like one of his many trophies and medals. Regardless, you were convinced that your relationship couldn’t work. It wouldn’t work. 

You wordlessly opened the car door and slid out. Johnny hurriedly followed your actions as he fumbled with his door, slamming it shut before taking wide steps around to your side of the car. You allowed his hands to find yours for one last time. “You can’t leave me.” 

The two of you stood in silence, both of you fighting through words you so desperately wanted to say. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, scared that you might break down when you saw his face. 

“Hey,” Johnny began, grabbing your jaw with a hand and forcing you to face him. “Whatever this is…whatever’s going on inside your head, we can fix this.”

You sighed, blinking away the tears you feared would come when you saw how frantically his eyes searched yours for an answer. “No, Johnny,” you grabbed his wrist and gently pulled his hand away. “It’s okay, just let me go.”

He couldn’t. Not when he thought things were so good. Johnny caged you into a final hug, the muscles of his arms tense around your shoulders, and his head fell to the crook of your neck. 

When he finally released you, his eyes were equally as glassy as yours, covered with the shine of his tears brimming. Your eyes traced the contours of his face, trying to savor this last moment with him. With a heavy heart, you walked away, leaving him with nothing but the memory of your touch and the echo of your laughter. 

But fate was cruel. 

Throughout the many classes of your business degree, you were drawn towards finances and entrepreneurship. Finally, in the fall semester of your fourth year, and hopefully final year, you found yourself in a course titled ‘Financial Modeling for Entrepreneurs’. 

You weren’t all too keen about starting your own business and being an entrepreneur yourself, but you admired the work people in that career were able to accomplish. The thought of working a corporate job, sitting at a desk in an office all day, didn’t exactly pique your interest, yet somehow, working for a small and intimate company seemed personal enough that you often found yourself on job searching sites looking for openings. 

You scrolled through all the listings during class, skimming through the position descriptions while your professor's words went in one ear and out the other. Your focus was brought back to the lecture hall when you heard the words ‘group project,’ and you inwardly groaned. The professor listed off names for the assigned groupings, and you begrudgingly got out of your seat to join your teammates where they were gathering. 

The professor had allotted the remainder of the class to be used as time for becoming acquainted with your group members and planning for the project, something about making your own company, and outlining the financial expenditures that would be incurred in order to get the company off the ground. Your groupmates seemed to prefer scrolling on their phones instead of engaging in conversation, so you forced yourself to take the lead. 

“So,” you hesitantly started, “any thoughts on our company name?”

Your teammates pitched a few names and ideas, eventually coming to an agreement. While they decided on the concept of the company, you had already opened a document on your laptop and started drafting a list of expenses that would need to be taken care of. 

“What have you got there?” A voice behind you questioned. Turning in your seat, you found the class TA, Kun, lingering behind you, his dark eyes scanning across your screen. 

“Just outlining some costs our company would have to cover…copyrights, employees, rent…” Your voice trailed off as you scrolled down so Kun could get a look at your work. 

He nodded in approval as he went over the hypothetical fees and numbers you attached to them. “It’s a great start. You've got a good sense for the monetary estimates. I’m looking forward to the end product.” 

“Thanks, Kun.” You smiled at him before he headed off to monitor the other groups. 

The next few classes ended with the last half hour being dedicated to working in your groups, much to your relief after having one too many previous group projects go awry from a lack of communication. You and your group had made a fair amount of progress, enough to be on track for the deadline. 

Kun was ever so vigilant, checking in with every group before the end of class. He came up behind you once again, listening in on the current debate your group members were engaged in about how much money should be put towards a water purifier for the hypothetical office. 

“Interesting, isn’t it? Budgeting for office amenities and all?” Kun quietly chuckled behind you. 

Nodding in agreement, your lips broke into a small smile. “Gotta respect the detail,” you tell him as he takes a seat next to you. 

Kun wordlessly observed your group before speaking again. “Listen, I’ve seen how you’ve taken initiative for this project, and I must say, it’s quite admirable.”

“It was nothing,” you say with a shake of your head. “Someone had to do it.”

“Well, I just wanted to say that your work ethic is something that any good employer would be lucky to have in their team.” His hands were clasped together, resting on the surface of the desk. “I actually wanted to ask if you’d be interested in helping out with some real-world budgeting work.”

You turned to him with an eyebrow raised. “Oh?”

Kun nodded. “It’s just a little side venture of mine, nothing too serious.”

And that’s how you found yourself seated in Kun’s office later that day. He handed you two manila folders, one labeled ‘Race Day Expenditures’ and the other labeled ‘Part Replacements’. 

Your heart all but stopped when you saw those words. The memories of Johnny and his car came flooding back as you tried to control your breathing, but Kun was more perceptive than you thought. “Are you okay?” He asked, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. 

“Y-yeah,” you breathed shakily.

Kun's eyes scanned over your tense body. “You don’t have to help me, you know. It was just an offer.”

“I want to help,” you tell him as you unconsciously flip open the ‘Part Replacements’ folder. “I just didn’t know it was in this…line of work.”

“Is that a problem?” Kun was all too perceptive of the way your finger ran down the list of names and numbers on the page. “I know it walks the line of the law, so if this is something you’re not comfortable with, please don’t feel like you have to do this.”

“Yeah, I know.” You were all too familiar with what he meant. Your finger continued down the list of parts needed for barely legal modifications. You were almost to the bottom of the list when your finger abruptly stopped. 

Johnny Suh - Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat | Performance tires, Michelin Pilot Sport 4S | $1,300 

You remember all the times Johnny mentioned the Hellcat being his dream car and how he couldn’t wait to take you on late-night drives in it. It made you happy to know that he had gotten his dream car. Yet there was a faint pang in your heart as you thought about him with another girl in his passenger seat, his hand sliding up her thigh, touching her like he touched you, his soft lips kissing her-

“Surprised?” You nearly jump from your seat, not realizing that Kun had come to stand next to you during your daydreaming. 

“I- uh, yeah!” Great, real smooth, you thought to yourself. 

“Didn’t want to drive anything too flashy, so I settled on an Audi. But I guess to the average person, it’s still a little much, isn’t it?” You were taken aback by Kuns' words until you looked down at the list to where your finger rested, having fallen below Johnny’s name.

Kun Qian - Audi RS5 Sportsback | Spark Plugs + Coil Packs (OEM) | $350

“Oh…no, not really,” you manage to get out. “It’s got a modest build and I think it’s quite good if you’re going for modest yet comfortable.” 

When you looked up at Kun, you were slightly surprised to find that he wore a smirk on his face. “You know your cars, don’t you?”

You hummed in response, mirroring his playful expression. “Something like that.”

As the semester wore on, you fell deeper into your work with Kun (so not related to your growing affection for him). He had given you an official position on the team as the finance manager, and you had begun to work under him part-time, though only temporarily. He even promised you a full-time position after your graduation, which you had politely turned down, fearing that it would be too imposing to accept when you had barely even worked a month. 

Not long after you had started as the finance manager, Kun had begun inviting you to his office in the business administration building, under the guise of office hours, of course. At first, you only stayed for about an hour, not wanting to keep him long, but one hour became two, then two became three. Over the weeks Kun had made it a habit to buy you both dinner since by the time you often left, the sun was already setting in the sky. 

Finally, one evening as you were packing up your belongings in his office, he asked you a question that had your stomach in your feet. “Do you want to go to the track with me?”

Something in your consciousness begged you to say no but you all too eagerly blurted out “yes!” and you realize you never really left the racing world behind when you broke up with Johnny. 

When you arrived at the track with Kun, you acted as if it were your first time seeing everything. It wasn’t that hard though, so much had changed since you visited nearly 2 years ago. The asphalt had been repaved, the garage walls had been repainted a clean white, and there were far more cars parked in the many garages of the track. 

Kun took you past the whole length of them, talking about the owner of every stall, some of which you remembered from Johnny’s brief mentions. Most of the garage doors were drawn shut, but as you approached one in the middle of the building, you could see it was open and heard the sounds of power tools coming from inside. “Must be Doyoung,” Kun remarked. “Come, I’ll take you to meet him.” He grabbed your wrist, leading you over to the stall, and you let him drag you along. 

Kun knocked on the wall of the open garage as he entered. “Hey Doyoung! I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

Doyoung straightened up from where he sat next to one of the hind wheels and glanced over. “Kun! What’s up?”

Kun introduced you with a smile. “She’s the finance manager I recently brought on.”

“Ah, so this is her?” Doyoung stood up from his work, wiping his hands off with a rag before extending it to you. “Nice to meet you, I’m Doyoung. Heard a lot about you from Kun.”

You took his hand and shook it briefly. “Good things only, I hope.”

Doyoung’s eyes went from yours to Kuns and the two of them held each other's gaze for perhaps a second too long, as if silently communicating. You looked over to Kun, surprised to see his eyebrows furrowed as he stared back at Doyoung. Turning back to Doyoung, his eyes twinkled, and he wore a sly grin. 

“Am I missing something?” You ask, breaking the silence. 

“No, not at all,” Kun said hurriedly as he grabbed your wrist once more and tugged you out of Doyoung’s garage. “What is with that guy?” He muttered. 

You looked over at Kun with a slight chuckle. “Are you like that with everyone on the team or just him?”

“Just him. We’re the same age, so there’s always been some…rivalry going on between us,” Kun shared while continuing the trek down the line of stalls. “He’s one of the people who helped me establish the team from the ground up, and now he mainly trains new members, so I can’t even lie when I say it feels like this is more of his team than it is mine.”

“You have every right to this team as he does. You founded this whole thing!” You exclaimed, not understanding how Kun could think so lowly of himself when he was the very reason so many people had been brought together through the team. 

Kun shook his head with a slight smile, kicking a rock as the two of you continued walking, nearing the end of the garage stalls. “You’re just saying that to get bonus points on the presentation, aren’t you?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” you giggle. “But truth be told, you’re the reason why I’m here right now.”

Kun finally meets your eyes as you both draw closer to the final garage. “And are you enjoying it here so far?”

“Can’t say for sure just yet, but I know I like it when you’re here with me.” You had no idea where that sudden burst of boldness came from, but the shrill sound of tires squealing as they moved prevented you from thinking any further. 

Kun pulled you into the last door, not even giving a knock. “Johnny, I’d like you to meet our new finance manager.”

Johnny froze mid-way through putting on a new tire, the new rims gleaming in his hands as he took a good look at you for the first time in two years. He breathed out your name, almost silent, but audible enough that Kun caught it. “Oh, how do you know her name already? Did Doyoung tell you earlier? Because I swear he always-“

Johnny puts up a hand, effectively stopping Kun’s sentence. “We’ve met before…her and I.” Oh, so that’s how he was going to do things. 

Kun turned to you, his expression mixed with surprise and confusion. “Yeah, we have. It’s nice to see you again, Johnny.”

There was a moment when Johnny’s gaze locked onto yours, trying to connect with something that was long gone. “Well, it’s nice to know that you two are already familiar with each other,” Kun interrupted. You let out a breath that you didn’t even know you were holding. “One less person for me to introduce you to and overload your brain with.” Kun grabbed your arm once more before linking his elbow with yours and leading you out of Johnny’s shop. You caught the way Johnny’s eyes darted down to the point of contact between you and Kun, but you didn’t dwell on it, whipping around to follow Kun out. “What was all that about?” He questioned, once you were both outside the shop 

“We used to be close,” you tell him. “Don’t worry about it.” 

You held your arm out for Kun, which he gladly accepted with a slight blush on his cheeks. “Alright, if you say so.”

The next time you ran into Johnny was a week after that. You had been quietly filing papers in the office of the track, so focused on keeping everything neat that you didn’t notice the door open. “So what brings you here?” An all too familiar voice asked. 

“Work,” you tell him over your shoulder, hardly sparing him a glance or even a second of your time. 

“I see that,” he stated plainly. “But why here? I thought you wanted out of all this.”

“And I thought you had a car you should be working on right now.” You weren’t too keen on spilling your feelings in the middle of your workplace. 

“Missing a part,” Johnny replies. “Came here to ask Kun to order it for me, but I guess he’s got his little assistant on the clock instead.”

You finally turn around, finding him leaning against the doorframe. “I’m not his assistant,” you retorted. 

Johnny rolled his eyes. “It sure seems like it when all you do is hang around in his office and cling to his arm.” Truthfully, Johnny saw the way you interacted with Kun, even the way you looked at Kun, and it filled him with rage. He so badly wanted to be the receiver of your attention that it made him go mad seeing you with another guy. 

“Johnny, this is where I work. In the office.” You gestured towards all the papers and filing cabinets. 

“Yeah, whatever.” Johnny pushed himself off the doorframe and grabbed the handle of the door. “Schrader TPMS sensors. Need it for my tire pressure.” He slammed the door on his way out, and you rolled your eyes, yet still jotted down his order for Kun to place later. 

The rest of your interactions with Johnny followed a similar fashion. Short sentences, hidden aggression, yet all of it was blanketed with a sense of familiarity. 

Johnny’s tires screeched against the asphalt as he whipped around the final corner of the track, under the watchful eyes of you, Doyoung, and Kun in the pit. Coming out of the turn, you heard the engine roar, meaning Johnny had his sights set on the straightaway. The car picked up speed, drawing closer before crossing the checkered lines. Doyoung clicked his timer. “That was the best run he’s had yet. I think those tires really were worth the investment.”

Kun chuckled. “Yeah, well, if he continues driving like that, he’s gonna need a new set before the race.”

Johnny brings his car to a stop in front of the pit, climbing out before roughly shutting the door. “What was my time?”

“Better than the last,” Doyoung says. Johnny grunts in satisfaction, his eyes brushing over your form for a split second as he turns to head back to his shop. Unbeknownst to you, every time Johnny hits the accelerator, the rush of speed is accompanied by the sting of your absence. He knows you’re watching him and there’s nothing he can do about it. He can’t pull you closer, nor can he push you away, and it infuriates him. He doesn’t show it, not with words, but in the way he pushes his car to its limits, like he’s chasing after something.

Johnny had been training for the upcoming race, meaning that he was at the track even more often, and you stayed later and later, filing the paperwork needed for his orders and contacting the event organizers for details on the course. It would be taking place just on the outskirts of the city, starting exactly at midnight as Friday bled into Saturday. The path of the course was tight, lots of fast turns, and short breakaways. Not the most ideal for someone who drives like Johnny, and he knew that.

Doyoung made sure to schedule Johnny for extra hours at the track to fine-tune his skills and the handling of his car. Doyoung was oh so meticulous about every little movement Johnny made, recording every lap around the track and taking it apart piece by piece, scribbling notes down onto the back of a spare receipt so that he could remember everything he wanted to go over with Johnny. The list only grew longer as Doyoung fed him more and more advice, which Johnny took as an extensive list of his shortcomings. You saw straight through him. The way his expression hardened, the way his car jerked through the track. Johnny was caught in a battle against himself. 

After completing another lap around the track, Johnny came striding up to Doyoung, albeit a tad bit aggressive for someone who was receiving much-needed advice. “What did I do wrong now?” He demanded. 

Doyoung was taken aback, an eyebrow raised inquisitively. “For starters, your transitions are sloppy. You’re taking turns too fast, making you go wide, and we can’t be having that, knowing the course is going to be narrow. You need to slow down, stay on the inside-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know all that already,” Johnny huffed. “Tell me something I don't know.”

Doyoung’s lips pulled into a tight line. “Perhaps we should call it a day.”

“Are you giving up on me?” Johnny asked, cocking his head.

“No, but I’m giving up on your attitude,” Doyoung responded, standing up just a little taller and squaring out his shoulders to match Johnny’s large frame. “I’m not going to waste my time on analyzing your performance if you’re not going to take me seriously.”

Johnny exhaled sharply. “I do take you seriously.”

“But you’re not listening to me. You’re not thinking about what I’m telling you.” Doyoung’s tone was growing desperate, wanting to end the conversation.

“I am listening and I am thinking!” Johnny’s voice rose in agitation. “What else could I possibly be doing when I’m driving?!”

“We’re done for today,” Doyoung concluded, slipping his pen into the pocket of his pants and exiting the pit. “Go home, eat some food, sleep, and most importantly, get your act together.” Doyoung left without a second glance.

Johnny scoffed and crossed his arms, staring at Doyoung’s back until he vanished into the hallways of the garages. “So tell me, why are you still here?”

“In case you blow another tire and need me to order another one,” you state simply. 

Johnny shakes his head in disbelief. “That was a one-time thing. I won’t be needing any more tires.” 

“Your driving says otherwise.” You were no stranger to the driving world, especially not to Johnny’s driving. 

“Oh, so suddenly you’re also an expert on racing?” He shot at you. “How about you get down on that track and drive then?”

“Maybe I will,” you spit back at him. 

He steps closer to you, narrowing the gap between the two of you to the point that you could feel his breath fanning over your skin. “I’d love to see you try.”

“I’d do it and I’d be better than you,” you grit out. “You and your stupid ego that’s too big for your head.”

Johnny narrows his eyes. “Since when is this about my ego?”

You mirror his actions. “It always was. Just look at your car, Johnny. It’s so loud everyone and their fucking neighbor can hear you coming down the street.”

“Hey-”

“Don’t interrupt me,” you chide. “And the way you drive, it’s like you’re asking to flip over. You’ve always driven like this, and you never change.”

The corner of Johnny’s lips was curled into a smirk. “And why, exactly, do you care about the way I drive?”

“Gosh dammit, because I care about you, Johnny.” You stared back into his eyes, refusing to back down. 

His eyes looked between yours as he wore a satisfied smirk. “I knew you still did.”

“And so what if I do?” You threw your hands into the air out of frustration. “It doesn't matter. We’re not together anymore.”

“Oh, but it does matter,” Johnny says matter-of-factly. You shot him a glare. “Because it means this isn’t one-sided.”

“What-”

Before you could react, Johnny’s hands were on you, his large hands gripping your shoulders, pulling you into him, and his lips crashing into yours. He kissed you with fire and fury, as if he had been waiting for this very moment since you left him outside of your old apartment that fateful night. 

Everything in your brain told you to run, but for once, you gave in to the little portion of your heart that wondered what would have happened if you hadn’t broken up with him. Would you have still been with him now? Would Johnny have come back to college to finish his degree like you encouraged him to? Would you have started working at the track? It was that side of you that kissed Johnny back, the side that still held onto a sliver of affection toward Johnny, always wanting the best for him, because truthfully, he was never a bad boyfriend. You just didn’t think he was the right fit for you. But perhaps you were wrong. 

You matched Johnny’s intensity with your own, biting at his lips and drawing low moans from him as his tongue slipped into your mouth. It felt like you had gone back all those months ago, kissing Johnny with all the passion in the world just as you did before. Neither of you pulled away until you were quite literally gasping for air. 

“Looks like I was right,” Johnny started, “you missed me just as much as I missed you.” 

Your head fell to his shoulder. “I guess I did.”

Johnny set your heart ablaze like no man ever could, his stolen glances and lingering touches reminding you of all the reasons you fell for him in the first place. He began staying later and later at the track, but this time, it wasn’t because of training. Late nights in his shop consisted of heated arguments about safety and reckless driving, unraveling into whispered confessions and searing kisses. You knew you shouldn’t be doing this, though, especially not before his race. Yet the more you try to distance yourself, for your and his good, the harder Johnny fights. He doesn’t fight with words, no, but you see it in the way he drives. 

The moon rose on the night of Johnny’s race. It was a full moon, shining brightly down upon the dozens of cars gathered on the empty city street. Spectators bustled about, some with beer bottles, others with joints between their fingers. It wasn’t your first time at this kind of event. You had gone once before with Johnny, just to watch, before he had joined Kun’s team. But as you stood among the crowd with scantily dressed women clinging to men with more money than you knew what to do with, you decided it wasn’t your crowd, and the statement rang true after all this time. It was only the slightest bit more enjoyable now that you were on the participating side rather than the spectating side. 

You sat in the passenger seat of Kun’s car with a live feed of Johnny seated in his car and another view of the road in front of him pulled up on your laptop screen. Kun spoke to Johnny through an earpiece, guiding him into the ranks of the starting lineup and going over crucial points of the course. “Remember, take the turns tight. Not fast, but tight.” You swear you heard Johnny mocking Kun on the other end. 

You watch as a race starter steps onto the pavement, a small pistol in hand. She raised her arm, slowly, until it was fully extended with the pistol pointing to the sky. Engines revved in anticipation, purring and flaunting their power. 

Bang.

The pack of cars took off down the street, tires squealing as they came upon the first turn. Your eyes were locked onto the tail of Johnny’s Hellcat, watching him take the corner second to the inside, staying in close quarters with the rest of the drivers. Once he was out of sight, you turned your attention to the livestream on your computer, half of it showing the city speeding by, the other half focused on his upper half, seated behind the wheel. 

You notice the way his gaze turns steely as a car comes up from beside him and gets its nose into an opening right in front of him. Johnny had to use the turns to his advantage to find himself pockets like that and get ahead. His eyes flitted back and forth, analyzing his surroundings, the cars in front of him, and their patterns. “Drive aggressively,” Kun says from the seat next to you, eyes glued to the screen. “You can’t be letting anyone else in.”

“Yeah, I know,” Johnny says through gritted teeth, his voice slightly muffled from under his helmet. 

He takes turn after turn, making sure to stay as close as possible to the inside and not letting a single person pass him. However, as much as he doesn’t let anyone pass him, he also can’t find an opening to move up in the standings. It was irritating him. 

“Johnny, you’re gonna need to make an opening for yourself. Force yourself in somehow,” Kun advised. 

“You want me to- what? Hit one of them and get myself disqualified? No thanks,” Johnny said snarkily.

“No, that’s not what I’m asking you to do. You know what I mean,” Kun snapped. “Make a pocket and slip in, otherwise you’re as good as last place.”

That pissed Johnny off. You heard his engine roar as he stepped on the accelerator. From the live feed, you saw the hood of his car inch closer to the car in front of him, the next corner drawing near. It was a sudden ninety-degree turn, and you watched as he whipped the wheel around, hearing the faint screeching of his tires, and he took the turn a tad bit too fast, the camera lurching about as Johnny regained control of the car.

“Careful,” Kun warned.

The next section began with an almost hairpin turn, and you knew it was coming up from the way Johnny’s face was illuminated in red coming from the brake light of the car in front of him. He slowed down with the pack of cars, swerving his way into a pocket and inching his way up in the standings. Your fists clenched, and you silently cheered to yourself as Johnny overtook the cars that previously remained beside him. 

Kun spoke again after checking the course layout. “Alright, this next section has a decline, so cover down on the brake, got it?”

“Yeah, whatever,” came Johnny’s response, his voice crackling over the earpiece. 

Kun turned to you, exhaling heavily. You shrugged silently, left to the mercy of the livestream in your lap. The road-facing view showed Johnny roaming about in his little pocket as if poking and prodding to see where the next opening would be. He grew dangerously close to the car in front of him when they applied the brakes while going down the steep hill. But still, he barely decreased his speed, choosing to stay close to the cars ahead. 

You heard his engine purr as he gassed it on the straightaway coming out of the hill, except you grew worried as the sound continued past where he should have left off. There was a turn coming up, and this one was at a city intersection. He would have to take it tight, and there was no safety barricade for him if he went wide. His foot came off the accelerator just a second too late, and you saw the opening next to him forming, allowing two cars to take up the inside space next to him. 

“Fuck!” Johnny shouts. You pick up on the way the leather of his gloves rubs against his steering wheel. 

His eyes narrow as he prepares for the next turn, and you see him whip the wheel around, except suddenly the front-facing camera is all a blur, and you see Johnny swaying from side to side in the driver’s seat. He had spun out. “Man, what the fuck!” He yelled over the earpiece, causing Kun to grimace and take out the earpiece. 

You snatch the earpiece from him, slotting it into your ear. “Johnny, you have to do better than that.” 

“Yeah, I fucking know.” His tires scream against the pavement as he punches the gas, desperate to catch up to the rest of the pack. You see them up ahead on the feed and watch as the rears of the cars grow larger. “Left turn coming up, go right and take the outside.”

“Why are you telling me what to do?” He questions, yet follows your instructions and passes three cars. 

“Because you clearly weren’t doing okay.” You see Johnny rolling his eyes through the image on your screen. “Eyes on the road.” This time, his eyes narrow as he glares directly into the camera mounted onto his rearview mirror. Johnny was losing control, not of the car, but of himself. 

“Another left, go on the inside but stay in the middle.” Johnny listens to your commands and passes up another two drivers. “There we go.”

“I can do it on my own,” he growled. “Don’t tell me what to do.” 

“Okay, then go ahead.” You simply watched him take the next turn, not doing anything except staying in the same rankings. He rounded the next corner, and one after that, the same one. “So, do you want to come in fifteenth place? I thought we were going for first place?”

“Shut the hell up, bitch.” Your mouth freezes at his words. Johnny had never spoken to you that way before. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean- oh FUCK.”

Johnny had let his attention slip for just a second long enough not to notice the car in front of him put on their brakes, and he had to slam on his brakes to not collide with them head-on. Johnny was shaken by the weight of everything, the line between passion and self-destruction blurring in his mind. 

Cars passed him on the sides as he lost speed. “Johnny, do you hear me? You need to gas it NOW. You’re on the straightaway.” He was in the last stretch of the race, he couldn’t be giving up right now. 

You saw him snap out of whatever trance he was in, and you heard the sound of his foot stomping on the pedal. His helmet jerked back against the seat as Johnny pushed his car to its absolute limit, gaining speed and closing up the distance between him and the rest of the pack. He soared through them, weaving past the back line of cars and finding a spot in the middle. He was already too far behind to make it to the front before the end of the race, but that was okay. You just needed him to cross the finish line. That much was enough for you.

As you saw the familiar shape of Johnny’s Hellcat fly past the waving checkered flags, following just a handful of other cars, you heaved a sigh of relief, sinking into the cushions of the seat. “Having fun there?” Kun asks. 

“Oh, sorry,” you take the earpiece out and hand it back to Kun.

“No, actually, you can keep it.” He pushed your hand back. “You seem to handle him a lot better than I do.” 

You see Johnny’s broad shoulders emerge from his car, his racing suit fitting his body entirely too well. Shoving the computer off your lap and into the seat, you step out of Kun’s car and into the cool night air. Johnny spots you and quickens his pace, ripping off his helmet while doing so. You ran to him, nearly jumping into his arms, elated to have him back in one piece, entirely missing the announcement that Johnny had finished in fifth place. “Woah, I was only gone for like, 15 minutes.”

“I was worried about you,” you muttered into the fabric of his suit, his arms wrapping around you. 

You felt his chest rapidly rising up and down from the strain of the race. “I know…and I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay, I know.” You looked up at him, finding his face covered with a sheen of sweat. “You were dealing with a lot.”

He leans in, his lips finding yours in a chaste kiss. “You were always the finish line, you know that?” He mutters against your lips. 

The road between you and Johnny is messy and scarred, but maybe, somewhere in it all, there’s still something worth fighting for. Perhaps Johnny lives one race away from crashing because his sin is wrath, and perhaps that’s exactly why you can’t live without him. 

Autoplay: If you liked this, you may also like Touch - S.Johnny 

[cressidagrey]

the way i am obsessed about white horse needs to be studied. its like its scratched an itch in my brain that i never knew existed. 10/10 amazing.

belle is healing <333 also studio b?? b as in belle not Isabelle Leclerc??????? the detail omg im astounded. its going to be something she builds up by herself and im here for it!!!!!

all the leclercs need therapy because HOW DO YOU NOT APPRECIATE THE GODDAMN RAY OF SUNSHINE YOU HAVE BEEN GIFTED BY THE HEAVENS

cant wait for max to buy her a horse and propose to her while riding that horse.

i loveee the way you write its gorgeous. its pulls me into the story, like a rich tapestry woven by athena herself. amazing.

i hope your studies are going well. do you enjoy law? cant wait for more<333

I'm so beyond happy White Horse scratched that hidden brain itch — that's truly the highest compliment you could give me. Belle's healing journey is my whole heart, and YES, Studio B is absolutely B for Belle 🥹 not Isabelle Leclerc. It's something entirely hers and I’m so excited for everything she’s building.

Also screaming because you’re so real — every Leclerc needs therapy immediately 😤 HOW do you not treasure someone like Belle??? (Rhetorical. They're idiots.)

And Max proposing on horseback??? Why do I feel like he would one thousand percent do that if given half a chance 😂💍🐎 (the proposal I have written does involve a horse 😉)

Thank you so much for your kind words about the writing — you have no idea how much that means to me 🥹💛 and yes, studies are going ...questioningly well?(Law is hard. Would I do it again? Nope. Am I stuck with it now (affectionately) yes.)

I’m sending you the biggest hug — thank you again for being here and caring so much!! 🩷

[creature-wizard]

Do you think astrology can be accurate? I know it’s a touchy question for many but when I look at the history of astrology, and how it was drastically changed in the 1900s, I feel like that’s what made it so unreliable to many. Like the sun sign was never as important as to how the spiritual people in the 1900s made it out to be. The whole entire sky was important, not just one aspect. I saw that Helena Blavatsky also took astrology and butchered it like how she did with what people now call “karma”.

It’s just confusing to me because I have experienced astrology being accurate in others & myself. I try my best to be specific because SO MANY people in the astrological community say a lot without really saying anything.

But also most of the astrology taught online isn’t “complete”. It lack technical details used by older astrologers from before the 1900s. It also lacks the sociocultural anthropology of the time when the older astrologers lived. they didn’t just rely on astrology, they were also into prayer, worship, divination, etc.

Astrology also wasn’t even used for psychology before the 1900s.

I told my friend I think a huge problem in the astrology community is not being rooted in reality. For example when I learned and studied about looking at careers within a birth chart, I never saw things like “if someone has __ in __, aspecting ___ (in the chart) then it can signify they work in retail.” They always assume someone works in a nonprofit, is a business owner, is a teacher, a doctor, lawyer, etc. but that’s not the reality for so many people.

The late 1800s all the way until now is such a weird time for spirituality. It feels like there’s nothing there anymore? It’s all just watered down & distorted information and conspiracies now, and the occasional bundled up mix of everything. I hate it here. I lowkey wish I could be some happy Christian midwestern white mom in suburban Indiana who gets Starbucks daily and uses tik tok 24/7, and lives a simple life obsessed with God or whatever 😭 it takes so little to make them happy and then most of us are just left here confused 💔

So, ancient people were able to observe that the sun and moon had very real effects on the world: the moon pulled on the tides, and the sun gave them light and heat. In this way, it was evident from this that celestial bodies had an impact on the world.

But here's the thing: we've figured out how the sun and moon affect us - the sun primarily through photons and how much we receive from it based on axial tilt, the moon through gravity. However, we haven't been able to find any mechanism by which the planets could be affecting us. Nor can we even propose any compelling reason to think they should, given what we know about them and about the universe in general.

It's also evident that the qualities associated with the planets are actually pretty subjective, like associating Mars with violence because of its redness, Venus with beauty because of its brightness, and Saturn with old age because of its slowness. These aren't illogical associations to make, but they are still rooted in subjective human experiences and interpretations.

There is also no evidence that pre-20th century astrologers were accurate enough in their predictions to consider it a real science. (There were also some whoppingly wrong predictions, too! Like predictions of catastrophic floods 1524 did that never came to pass.)

I personally think astrology works the same way I believe most other forms of divination work - they effectively prompt the subconscious mind of the diviner. The more attentive to detail and in tune with the world the astrologer is, the better the chart reading will be. If somebody's wrapped up in a bunch of conspiracy theories or learning everything from books written for the white middle class mom demographic, the results aren't going to be great.

You sound like a pretty detail-oriented person who pays a lot of attention to things, so I'm guessing that's why you're good at astrology. And I think you could get very similar results from nearly any divination system if you tried them out.

[aedislumen]

Prieur's first work on the metric system

The calling of the Estates Generals and the events that followed shortly after proved to be the perfect occasion for intellectuals, savants and merchants not only to demand, but also to propose new reforms, aimed to obtain a common metric system for the entire realm of France. A system, whose unity and integrity would have prevented any more frauds and mistakes, caused by the incredible diversity of measurement units in use under the Ancien Régime.

Driven by the optimism and the changes brought by the Revolution, and encouraged by his mentor Guyton, the young Claude-Antoine Prieur – at the time still Duvernois – wished to give his contribution to the cause as well. As some notes currently kept at the archives of the Paris Polytechnic School show, Prieur started working on the topic already 1789. In the early days of February 1790, he sent to the National Assembly the result of his efforts: a memoir titled “Mémoire sur la nécessité et les moyens de render uniformes, dans le royaume, toutes les mesures d’étendue et de pesanteur”. (1)

It is a comprehensive work, which distinguishes itself for the detailed implementation of the decimal scale in all measures, except those of time, and the meticulous description of both the theory behind the new proposed units and the methods to craft their respective standards. The memoir also includes a solid set of historical and scientific reference material, on which the theory in based on, and plans to help common people get used to the new system; things that other notable works on the same topic lack. (2)

Below the cut, one can find an English translation I did of the memoir conclusion, which sums up in the shape of decree articles the whole proposal. Notes related to the post and the unit names are added at the end.

I believe to have proved in this memoir the inconveniences of the diversity of measures and the infinite benefits that a law, aimed to make them uniform throughout all the realm, would bring to science, commerce and arts. I committed myself to find the basis, on which these measures should be founded, in order to make their prototypes immutable, and the principles, from which it would be convenient that they are derived. I showed how these measures could easily be adapted to our needs. I indicated the precautions, by which this innovation would cause neither great embarrassments, nor great expenses. According to these principles and to the measures derived from them, I proposed a type of calculation, particularly appropriate to simplify all operations in the fields of business, trade and civil life; that until now has only been used by some savants, but whose knowledge and even habit are easy to acquire. Lastly, the introduction of this calculation and its advantages led me to wish that the name and value of the smallest coin of our currency should be changed to have more accordance between numeration and effective payments.

These are the subjects that I thought deserved to be treated with all the necessary details to prove them. I took advantage of everything that has been written before me on this matter and one might say that I added little of my own. However, it seemed to me that the most desirable way to clarify the opinions [on the matter] was to present in a single work, and by relying on what other famous authors have already proposed, the true principles, their consequences, their applications to all sort of measures of different materials, the means relative to the execution of the project, the precautions to take in order to maintain its integrity, the education to spread so that the people can promptly enjoy the benefits of an enlightened legislation and the remedies to be applied to reduce the friction that always comes with such changes. This is what I have been aiming to do: I shall leave it to you to judge how far I have succeeded. If there were still some difficulties to clarify, some parts to revision in order to bring this work to perfection, I would be ready to devote to it all the necessary time, with no other ambition than to be useful to my country and, in some ways, to give my contribution to the accomplishment of such a great project.

It only remains for me to give, through articles for a decree, the dispositions that I find most suitable to realise the reform in all of its parts. This project will serve, more than anything else, as a way to judge the merit of [my] work and it is the only reason that led me to propose it.

The reasons for the law could be summarised as follows: The uniformity of measures is no less beneficial to commerce, which must be based on honesty, than to society in general, especially to the progress of science. This uniformity is but a consequence of the unity of laws. Lastly, this reform becomes essential to prevent the inconveniences of the diversity of measures, which the division of the realm in departments would make more evident. Considering all of the above, it could be decreed:

ARTICLE ONE Starting from the 1st of January 1791, all measures of weight and length currently existing in the realm shall be abolished and so shall they remain; so that in every juridical, tariff, commercial and public act, no other units shall be used at the time of said day 1 January 1791 than those indicated below. However, people are still free to use the units they consider appropriate, unless in case of controversy, where they shall be converted into the new ones before any judgement is passed.

II All measures, both of weight and length mentioned below shall be called national measures, national weights and so shall their subdivisions, to avoid confusion with the previous ones.

III The third part of the length of the seconds pendulum of the Parish observatory shall constitute the pied national and be the prototype for all the other measures.

IV The pendulum length shall be reported with exactitude on a bar of pure platinum at a given temperature and in the presence of the commissioners, who shall be elected by the royal academy of science and who, in case of necessity, shall promptly work towards a more rigorous determination; the aforementioned platinum bar shall be preciously preserved at the Hôtel-de-Ville in Paris as a monument of the operation, to be used in case of need. It shall be redacted by municipal officials a verbal process, both on the deposit of said measure and on the procedures done by the academy commissioners to obtain the silver pied national, which shall serve as prototype.

V The national pied national, determined above, shall be divided into 10 pouches, a pouche into 10 lignes, a ligne into 10 points or primes. The perche nationale shall be 10 national pieds. The milliare national shall be 1000 national perches.  The aune nationale shall be 3 and ½ national pieds. The arpent national shall be 100 square national perches. The moule national, for firewood, shall be 100 cubic pieds nationaux.

VI The measure of capacity or national measure (which can also be called protade) for grains, powdered and fluid materials and all the other ones which can be measured in recipients shall be the cubic pied national. The national measure will be divided into 10 décades. The décade into 10 écatades. The écatade into 10 chiliades. The muid national will be 10 national measures or 10 cubic pieds nationaux. The standards of all aforementioned measures, both those, which are multiples of the cubic pied, and their relative sub-multiples, shall have the shape of a cylinder or that of a truncated cone, for more precision and safety during the calibration, wherever the cubic shape might be inconvenient; all, according to instructions that shall be included in the law.

VII The livre nationale shall be determined by the weight of either distilled or rain water, the latter purged from air, at a fixed temperature, subjected to a volume of 10 cubic pouces nationaux. The livre nationale shall be divided into 10 onces. The once national into 10 gros. The gros national into 10 deniers. The denier national into 10 grains. The grain national into tenths, hundredths, etc. The quintal national shall be 100 livres nationales, or equal to the weight of a cubic pied of water.

VIII A silver livre nationale shall be crafted, whose exactitude shall be acknowledged by the same commissaries of the academy, to be deposited with their verbal process in the archives of the Hôtel-de-Ville of Paris and to be used there as prototype. Another silver livre nationale shall be deposited and preserved in the Paris mint, with the weight standards constituting its main subdivisions, which are: an once, a gros, a denier and a grain, all of them made of silver, verified and approved by the academy commissaries.

IX Standards of both the pied national and livre nationale shall be made of copper, the latter together with its weight subdivisions: 5on, 3on, 1on, 5grs, 3grs, 1grs, 5den, 3den, 1den, 5gn, 3gn, 1gn, and 2 demi-grains, which shall be hallmarked by an official, appointed for this purpose, and sent to every district administration, in all the different departments of the realm and three months after the publication of the law.

X The production of the aforementioned measure standards shall be put out to tender at a discount; and, in order to maintain the uniformity of the pied national and, at the same time, to have it done at a moderate price, the successful bidder shall be granted a two-year time privilege for the manufacture of the said pied national only, whether of copper, wood, or other materials; all, on the condition that none is issued until it has been thoroughly checked and hallmarked, and to always have enough to supply the capital and the entire kingdom.

XI Under the authority of the administrative assembly, a verifier shall be elected in each district, whose duty shall be that to preserve and hallmark the measurement standards, to whom every artisan and merchant shall refer for the calibration and hallmark of their own standards; a fee shall be set for the verifier, according to the quality of said weight and measure standards.

XII The verifier chosen in each district can mark the ancient measure standards, provided that their quality is adequate and only after having converted them all into the new ones indicated above or into their multiples.

XIII At the same time as the verifiers place the mark on the measure standards, whether new or ancient, and principally on those of capacity as well as weights, he shall stamp in figures and initial letters, the value or numerical expression of the quantity of the aforementioned measures and weights.

XIV District administrations shall task the aforementioned verifiers, or someone else deemed suitable, to make a general table with the conversion ratios between all the measures in use in their territory and the national ones; the table shall be posted in the town hall of the chief town of said district.

XV In every account relative to finance, commerce and others, sums shall only be expressed in livres-tournois, tenths, hundredths and thousandths. These words, livres-tournois, shall never be separated, until the habit of replacing one expression with the other becomes sufficiently spread; at that point, the law shall state the suppression of the former one. To facilitate both the relationship between decimal calculation and the actual coinage, and the true fractionary payments, some pieces of two sous or decimes, representing one tenth of a livre, and some pieces of sous or demi-decime, representing one twentieth of a livre shall be produced, when new billon coins are made. Lastly, a coin of lower value, under the name of obole or of centime shall be produced as well. Actual billon coins shall maintain their current usage until it is ordered otherwise.

XVI In all accounts, concerning money sums, delivered quantities or works to be measured, said quantities shall be calculated with enough decimal numbers, so that it results a sufficiently exact approximation for fractional sums. Approximations shall be as follows: For all money sums, at least one thousandth of the main unit, or three decimals of the livre-tournois. For all measures of linear extension, one thousandth of the unit of the specified measure, or three decimals. For all measures of surface, ten thousandths of the specified unit, or four decimals. For cubic and capacity measures, ten thousandths of the unit of all measures above the cubic pied included; and only one thousandth of the unit for measures of a lower quantity. For weights, one thousandth of the unit or three decimals; and in case of precious materials, like gold and silver, the unit shall always be the denier national. All of this shall be applied to all measures mentioned above, unless otherwise agreed or ordered in specific cases.

Notes

As already done in a previous post, I chose not to translate the words of all the measurement units in English, since in most cases there's no equivalent in said language. Italics are mine and slightly different from the original work, because I wanted to highlight the words left in French.

(1) A digitized version of Prieur's work can be found on Gallica. Here's a modern transcription of it.

(2) The other works that received mention during the National Assembly sitting of 9th May 1790, when the matter about the diversity of measures was addressed, were Découverte d'étalons justes, naturels, invariables et universels by Claude-Boniface Collignon, Observations de la Société royale d'agriculture sur l'uniformité des poids et mesures by Tillet and Abeille and Proposition faite à l'Assemblée nationale, sur les poids et mesures by Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord. It was the latter's proposal that caught the attention of the deputies, despite lacking the rigour and the originality of those of his colleagues.

Notes on the nomenclature

pied [pl. -s] = foot; main unit of length. The most common and used was the pied du roi, equivalent to ~ 32,48 cm or ~ 106, 56 ft. The pied national [pl. nationaux] proposed by Prieur would be ~ 33,13 cm or ~ 108,68 ft.

pouche[pl. -s] = inch.

perche [pl. -s] = "long pole", "staff"; unit of length for long distances.

milliaire [pl. -s] = mile; same as above.

aune [pl. -s] = it doesn't have a translation; this unit was used exclusively for amounts of cloth.

arpent [pl. -s] = no translation; unit for land areas.

muid [pl. -s] = no translation; unit for wheat amounts.

moule [pl. -s] = no translation; unit for firewood amounts.

livre [pl. -s] = pound; unit for both weight and currencies.

once [pl. -s] = ounce.

gros [pl. -s] = "thick penny".

denier [pl. -s] = penny.

grain [pl. -s] = grain; unit for tiny masses

décade, écatade, chiliade, protade have no translations, since these words are purely Prieur's invention.

[nexxen24]

One Last Job---Chapter Sixteen

A Link to Chapter Fifteen: https://www.tumblr.com/nexxen24/787173803045289984/one-last-job-chapter-fifteen?source=share

DISCLAIMER: This is the Void room chapter and I have changed Bob's powers a small bit, he can also show future regrets as well as past ones. Warning: This chapter contains mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation as well as depictions of graphic scenes of violence and allusions to torture(none is written), reader be warned.

16: Walker/Cross

John Walker

The Void…I Think

Walking into the void was like walking into fog, it was thick and hard to see through, like something was clouding me and only got better once I had slammed into a wall. I blinked at the wall, running a hand along it and turning to find the living room of my parent’s house and a younger me packing boxes. He wasn’t that much younger, close to 30 and this had to be the moment I had to pack up their house after mom died. Dad died first, when I was abroad and mom followed only a few weeks later, presumably heartbroken and suffering from an illness she never disclosed. If Alex was correct, then this definitely was a bad memory, one that changed everything and I gulped, following after my younger self as he moved towards the office, on the phone with Lemar. 

“Dude…They have so much stuff it’s not even funny,” he was saying as he moved a box out of the way to get into the office, letting out a groan of frustration as he went. “It’s just boxes upon boxes of absolutely nothing, I swear they never threw out a thing…But I will…there’s a giant garbage bin outside. Frankly, I’m only here to sell it, there’s good money in a place like this.” 

This version of myself was dating Olivia, having met her through Lemar during the year and a bit I attended a community college not far from Custers Grove. She was at this fancy university and her best friend was dating him so we all sort of combined into a group, inseparable and certain that we’d be together forever. Her best friend, Sylvia, dumped Lemar a week later but Olivia stuck around and it took me close to six months to gain enough courage to ask her out…she said yes. I was on a short leave from the Marines, having come back to sell my parents stuff and make the move with Olivia official, close on a house just outside of Savannah and try to make a home for ourselves. The Blip would occur close to three weeks after this moment, we’d all be fine and Lemar would move in, scared that his roommates had disappeared. Working for the military during that Blip was a trick and a half and annoying as all hell but it brought Olivia and I closer and I proposed two years in. 

But this John was far off from the time of his life he called the best ever and while the Blip affected everyone else so negatively, I loved it, it brought us closer and I finally found my family, I found my purpose. Getting the Cap job shortly after the whole thing had gotten resolved was a cherry on top at the time and now…Now I looked back and wished that I could go back, that I could regain that feeling. In some way I had it back with Alex, I felt complete and whole despite being so different and the me looking through boxes had no idea what was coming for him after he screwed up his entire life. But that screw up, that feeling of doubt that leaked into being Cap and clouded my judgement started when I dug a manila folder out of the bottom drawer of an old filing cabinet, having fought the thing to get it open shortly before. 

“Hey…I’ll call you back,” he said and frowned at the phone. “I just found some documents, it’s nothing.” 

Young me ended the call and tossed the phone on the table, pulling open the folder as I moved closer, looking over his shoulder at the information, my stomach dropping. It was a report detailing Mike and his service in the military that was sent to my dad shortly after he died and I had no idea it was even a thing. It went into detail about his service record and accomplishments, the certifications he acquired and how his pilot's license was going but the bombshell was on the second page and I bit my lip as he flipped it over. 

“What?” 

“I know…shocking,” I muttered but he couldn’t hear me, this was only a memory but I didn’t even need to look at the doc to know what it said. 

NAME: Walker, Micheal DOB: September, 26. 1974 Date of Death: April 13th. 1998

Cause of Death: Self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. 

Notes: Mike Walker was found in his bed in the barracks of Edwards Air Force late this evening, deceased with a pistol that had been reported missing in his left hand. Mike was displaying signs of distress after the death of his friend and comrade, Jean in a helicopter crash three days prior. Help was unable to be provided before he was found deceased, no note has been discovered but the death has been ruled a suicide, no further investigation is required. 

I watched myself toss the paper back on the desk with a huff and begin to pace as I stepped out of the way, remembering the feeling of reading those words, reading that my valiant older brother had chosen the easy way out. He didn’t think of what he was leaving behind, the people left to pick up the pieces, just his own sadness and for a bit I couldn’t blame him. Before Alex, I felt like that…I felt like I was floating in my own little universe and untethering was the only way to let go, to finally be free. But I stayed and Val offered the job and things got better but Mike didn’t have that choice, he just had his shitty feelings and nothing more. He chose the easy way out because he felt like it was his only option and at the time of reading that I couldn’t imagine feeling that lost, that helpless. 

“Fucking joke,” he muttered and grabbed his phone, dialing the number of a guy who served with Mike but had long since retired. “Jeremy…it’s John…John Walker. I want to know about Mike and how he died.” Young me paused and glanced down at the sheet before letting out a sigh. “Yeah…I saw the sheet. So…it’s true…he chose that way out.” I sighed as he got progressively angrier and side swiped the docs on the desk onto the floor before taking a seat, sinking further down and looking defeated. “I know he was messed up…but that much…I just…I can’t imagine it. Mike…Mike was my hero.” Young me went quiet, his eyes hardening. “No…he’s not anymore.” 

My younger self ended the call and tossed the phone on the desk with a scream of anguish for losing the one man he had looked up to since day one. Mike was everything, he was more than a brother but a protector and a leader, a force of nature to a kid just trying to find his place in the world. But at that moment, all of that had shattered, all of the ideas I had about Mike were gone and he was dead to me as much as the world. The door to the office swung open and I looked out to find the next memory, this one having run its course, made me sad again and I sighed before stepping through. 

When Alex mentioned Bob’s powers involved memories I assumed all the classic regrets would be there like losing Mike, Lemar’s death, even the trial but this one…this was out of left field. I was standing in a cemetery and it was the day of Lemar’s funeral a few weeks after he died in Latvia and my trial was all over and done with. I had come back a bit reluctantly to attend it and also grab my stuff from the house in Savannah since Olivia had been bugging me about it. The funeral didn’t end well…it ended horribly and I could see myself a bit a ways away leaning against a tree with the cast still on his arm since the enhanced healing part of the serum had yet to kick in. I had all the other nasty side effects like the strength and the temper but not the healing which felt like a cruel joke. 

It was nearing the tail end of the ceremony when Lemar’s dad, a surrogate father to myself, was listing off all the qualities he was proud his son upheld even in death. He died trying to better the world and that was the only thing he ever wanted, not to be loved as a hero…but just to be one. We had lost that part of ourselves in Europe working as a Cap team, the hero part, too focused on all the semantics, all the press conferences and autograph signings that came with being a public facing superhero. I wasn’t ready for it…the public part and it was pretty damn obvious when that video surfaced online, when people used my unreadiness against me and it cost me everything, even my best friend. 

“Even in death I know that Lemar will inspire people,” Mr. Hoskins said and the crowd murmured in agreement. “Sure his life was cut short, too short, but his honour and strength will live on in the people that he touched, the people that came before and the many who will come after. To Lemar.” 

The crowd echoed that statement and I spotted the other me dig out the flask in his pocket and take a long swig before letting out a sigh and slowly making his way back towards the parking lot. I had a rented SUV waiting for me, full of stuff from the old house to take to my new apartment in New York and no intention of sticking around for whatever small get-together the Hoskins were gonna throw for Lemar. But the other me got stopped by his dad and I watched him turn, shoving the bottle back in his pocket. 

“John!”

“Mr. Hoskins,” he greeted and held out his hand as I got a bit closer.

“Please…Jeffery.”

“Jeffery,” he said and Jeffery chuckled, pulling the other me into a tight hug as my stomach dropped, I knew what was coming next. “Are you coming by the shop?”

“No…I have a long drive ahead of me, all my stuff from Savannah is in the back of my van.”

“Where are you going?” 

“New York…something different.”

“You’d give up on all this sunshine for dreary New York?” Jeffery asked and the other me looked around as I did the same, spotting people I didn’t want to ever see again who were sending me glares. 

At first the town was eager to see one of their own be Captain America, my old high school threw me a massive party, I had a parade and even a coffee at Pam’s, the staple small town cafe down on Main. But after what happened in Latvia, all the love dried up, all the former heroism I felt and was given was gone and now I was the town pariah and I could tell people were curious as to why I even bothered to return. 

“I need to be away from here,” he muttered and looked right at Olivia who was across the way, comforting Lemar’s mother. 

“Fair…But come by and see us, John.”

“What for?” he asked and I cringed.

“What do you mean?” 

“I got your son killed.”

“Lemar was happy to follow you,” Jeffery argued and other me scoffed, pulling out the bottle right in front of him and taking a long swig as he frowned. “He wasn’t afraid of what could happen, he was just eager to help you, to stay as your teammate and friend no matter where you ended up. He loved you John, loved that you were getting the recognition you deserve.” 

“That love killed him,” other me shot back and finished off the bottle as I moved ever closer, wanting to stop this before he could really fuck it all up. 

“John…”

“No…It’s true, you guys know it.”

“You also got justice for Lemar, you made it better.” 

“No…don’t say it,” I muttered and reached out.

“No…I didn’t,” he began and I took the opportunity, stepped forward and grabbed him, cutting off the confession. 

The whole memory shifted, the sky turned dark and the same black void smoke from before began to envelop the two of us, cutting off Jeffery. I glanced back in shock and turned, nearly jumping out of my own skin as the other me, glared daggers and reached forward, grabbing my neck and holding tight, cutting off my air and lifting me up. I scratched at his hands, trying to break the hold but he just turned, shoving me against the tree as my head knocked against it, stars entering my vision as I tried to blink them away from me. 

“Can’t escape it, John,” he shot back and grinned, eyes going dark like he was turning into a void himself. “Embrace how bad you fucked this up, how much you broke his father, his entire family, there’s no escaping that.” 

He tossed me aside and I hit the ground hard, rolling a bit before coming to a stop a few feet away as the memory shifted, going back to when Jeffery argued I was a good man, a man that actually did some good for Lemar. I had told them Nico was the one that killed Lemar, that I did it for justice and to avenge their son when that was untrue…he did nothing but hold me back but it was Karli that finished him off and by accident. She was just as fucked up by the serum, still didn’t know her own strength and Lemar hit the pillar too hard, breaking his neck and dying in seconds to the shock of everyone in that room. I don’t know why I chose Nico, I guess because he held me back, he kept me from being there, from speaking to him one last time but I didn’t even acknowledge he had close to no part, I just started running. 

Lemar’s parents assumed that their son's killer had gotten his justice from me, that I went crazy and snapped because he was the one that put my best friend in the ground…but it wasn’t true. As much as Nico was still a terrorist and had killed before, Lemar was not one of his victims and I had publicly executed a man just for the sake of it. Just to fuel my own revenge and scratch that itch from the serum about getting out the anger I had in a way that I’d remember. I had tried to take the secret about Nico to the grave but a combination of the whiskey and my untreated emotions just made me snap. 

“I didn’t kill the right one,” he admitted and my stomach dropped. “Nico didn’t kill Lemar, all he did was hold me back. I let her go…Karli…I killed him for no reason other than he was partially involved and there, not to avenge Lemar or make things right…but for me.”

“But…You said.”

“I lied!” he snapped and Jeffery stepped back, looking almost scared. “I told you that to make me feel better. To justify what I did in some fucked up way…I didn’t avenge your son…I made a mockery of his death and used it to fuel my own anger. The serum…it messed with me…it wanted blood and I gave it to it…I had to, Lemar was simply an excuse to go off the rails, not a just cause. He died in vain, alone and would hate me.” 

“I…I don’t know what to say…”

“Just…don’t say a thing,” he muttered and tossed the bottle on the grass before walking off, convincing himself that that piss poor whiskey was the cause of the outburst. 

I had stayed in the van for close to six hours in that parking lot, trying to burn it off and clear my head for the drive home but I knew now that it wasn’t needed…I was a super soldier after all and alcohol was null and void. I said all that, I meant all of that…stone cold sober. 

“There!” I yelled once the memory faded and I was back in darkness. “I relived it, Bob!! Now let me go!!” 

The memory shifted again, moving away from darkness and opening up on a room I didn’t recognize but I did know the person tied to a chair in the middle of it. 

“Alex!” I called and tried to move forward but I was chained to the wall as she struggled against her bindings. 

“It took a while to find you, Shadow.”

My eyes widened as a version of me walked into the room, dressed in that older US Agent suit, shield on his back and what looked like a Glock 17 in his hand as the void Alex eyed him, scared out of her mind. Bob’s powers must’ve been able to show a future you didn’t want among all these memories since this was what I had intended to do to her, a simple execution like Val suggested, something lowkey and in secret. But I of course had changed my mind the second I met her, knowing I’d never be able to kill her, I’d never forgive myself but this John wasn’t that one, he was the one determined to follow Val’s wishes. 

“Please!! Just listen to me, her file is wrong,” Alex shot back and he shook his head, flicking the safety off on the gun and leveling it with her head. 

“Really…you want to argue now.”

“Walker…please…You don’t want this, I know you don’t,” she cried and my heart broke. 

“I do…I need this. A full reset for one little shot,” he said and pressed the gun against her forehead as Alex started crying. 

I tried to get away from the wall, to tackle him or even shoot him myself but I was stuck and the Void wanted me to know why I didn’t choose this option, why I kept her safe. Maybe a John a couple years ago would’ve done all of this, would’ve pulled that trigger but not the one she met, he was too broken, too lost to imagine killing another innocent. Alex was more than just a target, I saw myself in her, in how scared she looked when Anton shot me with that mine, in her eyes when she told me her story, told me about how he treated her and how she went out of her way to save me. I chose to protect her way before I fell in love with her and that want, that need to do it even now, broke the chains keeping me locked to the wall and I ran forward, tackling the other me into the ground and falling right through it. 

Alex Cross 

The Void…I think.

Bob’s void was interesting, it felt weird to someone with similar abilities but using them on this scale…I couldn’t even imagine it. The strain on his mind must’ve been insane and I could feel it, the hurt as I stood in a dark room and wondered when my memory was going to start. I knew it might be a bit hard to do it on me, because of the said powers, but the Void creature that locked us all in here didn’t seem to have any issue and the room was lit up with a single bulb and I was standing next to another me. I knew that hallway, I knew what lay beyond the room at the of it and what she was about to find with the woman standing a bit behind her. 

“Is it okay?” Meg asked and I looked back at the woman, dressed all in black because she wanted to be sneaky, hair done up in perfect buns and holding her small handgun with shaky fingers because she barely knew how to use it. 

There was a part of me that wanted to step in, keep this me from opening that door, from seeing the man strapped to the chair but I couldn’t intervene, I just had to grin and bear it. I sighed and stood back a bit as the scene shifted and the other me pulled open the door, her eyes widening before she bolted forward, sliding to a stop next to Harlen. From far back he almost looked asleep but it changed in an instant when the other me lifted his head, saw the bruises along his cheek and forehead, the one eye that would never work again even if he was alive among all the other various injuries. Moving his head caused the rest of his body to shift, showcasing what killed him, a stab wound to the chest…multiple stab wounds. 

“God…Harlen,” other me cried out and began to shake him but it was no use, he wasn’t coming back. 

“Alex…I think…”

“NO…he’s not,” she snapped and turned back to him, undoing the bindings and laying him on the ground where more injuries came to light. 

Harlen put up a good fight since his killer had broken both knees before they even started on the face, making sure to really mangle the right one, ensuring some permanent damage if he really managed to escape. A couple fingers were even missing, filed down to stubs and the other me nearly doubled over when the mass puddle of blood at his feet came to light. Harlen died in the dark, bleeding out from multiple injuries and alone and yet…he didn’t break. 

“Alex…look at this?” 

We both turned to Meg as she held out a small piece of paper and I stepped forward, looking down at what had to be a list of information they got out of him. There was only one bullet point about him being too hard to crack and death was the only appropriate outcome. Harlen likely knew they were after me, this had to be the work of Anton and yet he was so loyal that even in life he was as silent as in death. 

“This had to be Anton,” other me deadpanned and Meg nodded, draping a sheet over Harlen. 

“Do you think he’s close?” 

“He has to be, I have to go.”

“Now?” 

“Anton will kill the rest of you, Harlen didn’t crack but he knows someone will,” she said and Meg stared at her, looking hurt as I gulped. 

“Alex…”

“No…I need to leave. I’ll be gone in a few hours, maybe even a day and Anton will find me and not you.”

“We can help you.”

“No…you can’t,” she snapped and I shook my head, wishing I hadn’t been that stupid all those years ago.

“Really? After all we’ve done for you?” 

“Yes…really…I need to leave and I’m not dragging you all with me, this was because of me, I did this to him.”

“Alex…Anton…”

“No…Meg…stop it, just shut up, I’m leaving and you can’t stop me. Delete my number, that phone will be gone anyways and pretend you never met me.”

“Alex…please…”

“Meg…I…”

“Alex…” 

She stepped forward and I got close to stepping in, to stopping this, to not letting this come to be but I knew it wouldn’t do anything, I wasn’t preventing this at all and just delaying the inevitable. I’d never be able to reverse what I was about to do to Meg and even though it was only on her, Eric still knew me, he was never my biggest fan and I had a sneaking suspicion he was glad. 

“Megara…you will forget I ever existed, this conversation and all others never happened, never occurred and never will again. To you I’m just a stranger and if anyone brings up the name Alex Cross, your response will be ‘I don’t know her’. Am I clear?” 

“Yes.”

“Good…Now leave.”

Meg did as I commanded and dropped the gun before leaving, not even looking back at me since her mind was certain I was a stranger. I’d never felt good doing stuff like that to people, manipulating their mind in such a way it permanently altered pieces of it and until John I had assumed it was irreversible. I sighed as the other me began to cry as the room got darker and opened up on the next horrid memory that turned out to be just as bad as the last one and also involved Meg. 

“Really? This one,” I muttered and watched as the other me walked down the streets of Berlin and knew that I was headed towards Meg’s apartment since Anton hadn’t been around.

This was six months after Harlen was found dead and I had to assume that he had given up, my mind altering was premature and I was headed to her home to see if I could erase it and get her back. I’d already gotten lectured by Mel who was pretty mad that her sister suddenly didn’t remember one of their best friends and she told me to either reverse whatever I did or really leave forever. Mel’s words hit hard since she accused me of being too willing to throw away people like they were nothing and I hated that I agreed with her at the time. 

She was right, I did throw them away and it’s not like she didn’t lose people when Harlen died, he was her husband and I hadn’t even bothered to see how she was doing before she tracked me down and chewed me out. They were my first friends, the first group of people that didn’t try to kill me and in turn I had no clue as to how to treat them like family. I had assumed that I was better off alone and I watched myself sigh and stop about 10 feet from her apartment. 

“Come on Alex…just try and fix it,” she was muttering and pacing around a bit as a few Germans eyed her, muttering some German curse word and continuing on. “Just try…think about the Meg you knew before. Think about getting her back.” 

I stepped a bit closer and took a seat on the beach she sat down on, letting out a sigh myself and to my shock, she heard me. 

“Uh….”

“Can you see me?” I asked and she nodded. “Well…this is weird…I think I broke the Void.” 

“You are?” 

“I’m you, but about 4 or so years from now.”

“Okay then…how’s life?” 

“It’s pretty damn good.”

“Really?” 

“About a year from now you’re going to meet a really annoying guy, like…you’ll want to rip your hair out but he’ll end up surprising you and be pretty damn amazing after a while. The two of you are going to also fall in love while you try and save his life from Anton and when it’s all set and done, you’ll finally feel…free.” 

“That feels too hard to believe.”

“Yeah…it did for me to…but the fake Captain America made it better.”

“Fake Captain America?” 

“That guy, John Walker who fucked up in Latvia…future husband right there.”

“God…why him…”

“Eh…when you run into people they tend to surprise you,” I said and grinned as she eyed me, the Void getting a little closer as a collection of black smoke began to crowd the two of us. “Now…I’m gonna let this reset before Bob kills me…good luck.”

“Why?” 

“You’ll see in about a minute,” I muttered and blinked once which caused the scene to shift and return to me watching my other self stand outside the apartment and contemplate as if our imaginary conversation never even happened. 

It didn’t happen, she didn’t get the reassurance that things would be better, she had to find that out for herself and moved to the entrance of an alley to get some cover as other me finally decided to step forward but it was too late. Meg lived on the top floor of an old apartment building and I watched it explode like it was in slow motion and knew that was deliberate, punishment from the Void for messing with his system. The other me dropped to her knees and started sobbing, knowing that Meg and Eric were inside and there was no way they could be alive after that, it was impossible and Mel would never speak to me again. 

Meg didn’t just die…she died without ever knowing me again and that was on me, I killed her twice, once by leading Anton right to them and causing the explosion and the other in my own mind when I got rid of her. My own supposed best friend died without ever having known me and it was crazy to think that one of the worst things to happen to me…wasn’t even Anton’s fault, it was all me. I sighed and the scene shifted again but this time it wasn’t some moment in time but the present and I eyed our living room in Georgia, wondering what bad memory came out of this place. 

There was also the possibility that this Void was a bit different than I’d originally thought and maybe he was also able to show you a possible regret among all the past ones. Maybe this was back when I wanted to leave and my heart sank when I caught the other me, walking down the stairs with a duffle bag in hand as she looked around to see if John was in the house. I never did this, never packed a bag or tried to sneak out but it had crossed my mind, especially when Val got closer to not changing out my powers for a more Sentry approved set. Sure she wanted to and I had a sneaking suspicion that if I went I’d have no choice but I was also just certain that I needed something more in my life, needed that extra purpose and only Val could give it to me. Not John, not this life, not the knowledge that I was already different from Anton without having to prove myself. 

“Alex? Where are you going?” 

I turned and she did the same, spotting John walking out of the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel as he looked at us with concern, eyes focusing on the duffle bag. 

“Oh…I’m…just going on a trip.”

“Oh…why?”

“I felt like it, just to a spot in New York.”

“We came here to get away from New York and you’re going back?” 

“I think Anton left something in the city, Val gave me some of his letters and I want to see if it’s true.”

“Let me come with you,” John said and stepped forward as I got out of his way and he grabbed the other me’s hand, looking concerned to say the least. 

“No…it’s fine.”

“Alex…come on, we always do everything together,” John assured and gripped other me’s wrist as she tried to pull back. 

“Not this time, I need this,” she said and he frowned but still wouldn’t let go and I knew this was an exaggerated John for sure, he’d never do this, never not let me go. “John…please.”

“Alright…” 

He pulled back and I sighed, grateful my regret wasn’t all that bad when it got significantly worse and the other me stepped back, tears in her eyes as she held up a hand. Val’s offer was a one way streak, be a part of her project, be a hero, be what you’ve always wanted to be or don’t and I had a feeling that this me knew there was a possibility of never coming back. That feeling of Anton still being there, still rooting himself in her life was there and while I chose not to erase everything back at OXE, this me was different. 

“No,” I said and her eyes went dark, smoke spilling out of her fingertips. 

“Alex?” 

“I’m sorry, John,” she muttered and I jumped into action, not letting this play out regardless if it was some messed up Void induced regret or not. 

I tackled the other me to the ground and it gave way, plunging the two of us into what looked like an ocean of blackness that gave way to a concrete room, as dark as the rest of the void. I rolled away from her, not wet per say but chilled and glanced up to find something had shifted and she no longer looked like me…she looked like him, like the Void.

“What?” 

“This could be you,” she said and cocked her head at me, drenched in smoke with only two red pupils where the eyes should be. 

“No…”

“You can do this to Alex…create this place,” she said and I glanced around as the room shifted from a concrete box to what looked like a warehouse and I found myself strapped to an all too familiar chair. 

“No…not this,” I muttered and Anton appeared in the corner, larger than life and looming over me with a gun in one hand and a needle in the other. 

“Alex…what a pleasure…are you ready for the last part of your treatment?” he asked and I shook my head as he levelled the massive gun at my forehead and pulled the trigger, the scene shifting faster than I could keep up.  

I was back in that room with Harlen but he wasn’t on the ground, no, he was crawling towards me, legs broken behind him with an anguished look on his face as I scrambled back, slamming into the far wall. 

“Alex…you did this,” he choked out and the figures of Mel and Eric joined him, burnt to a crisp like they would’ve been after that explosion. 

“No…please,” I cried out and tried to use my own powers to stop this, get away or even just block it out by drenching the room in my own smoke. 

It worked for a second, things were calm but the void me was back in seconds, glowing eyes locked on me as she stepped forward, hands curling around my neck and squeezing as my own eyes went wide. The scene around us shifted again, back to that home in Georgia but right after I would’ve erased John’s memories of me, right after I would’ve destroyed everything just to feel something more. I saw him behind us, eyes distant and likely wondering why he was there of all places and not at home wallowing in his own regrets. John looked up and his eyes caught mine and for the first time they weren’t full of love, full of assurance but full of nothing…erasing me had broken him. 

“See…look at him…he’s just as lost as you.”

“No…I didn’t mean this,” I cried out and he blinked at me, not believing it. “Please John…I’m sorry, I’d never do this.”

“You were tho,” Void me said and I knew this was a regret, a regret for that moment back at OXE when I was so close. 

“That was wrong…I didn’t mean it, I need you. I need us.”

“Are you positive?” 

“Yes…And I’m also not you, I’ll never be you,” I said and used my last ounce of strength to teleport out of her hold, ending up next to John and grabbing his shoulder. “John…look at me…please.”

“You are?” 

“No…I can fix this, I can fix this place,” I muttered and thought about what I wanted to do to Meg all those years ago, how I wanted to erase my regrets by getting her back, to fix us, to get my best friend to know me again. 

I put all my strength into trying it on this John even though he was nothing but a figment of the Void, my John still knew me, I still needed to do this, needed to bridge that gap, to fix us and make sure that I’d never do it again. Never think of erasing a man that meant the world to me and never think for one moment that I was anything like Anton ever again. He wasn’t me, he never could be me and he needed my powers all those months ago just to get enough courage to face his regrets, to see his friends again and face what he couldn’t ever hope to get through alone. But not me, I was braver than that and I didn’t go running to Val, I stayed and would forever stay again. 

“Alex?” 

I glanced up to find the Void John was gone, having been crushed by the real thing who was staring up at me from on the floor as I stepped back in mild shock. He stood, brushing off a bit of the table he crashed into before stepping forward and wrapping me in a hug as I pulled him closer.

“I’m okay. It was just a lot.”

“Yeah…no kidding,” he muttered and I chuckled as he leaned down to give me a kiss. “We need to find the others.”

“I know and quick, this void is getting stronger,” I said and glanced behind me to find the other me gone and replaced by a door.

“Shall we?” 

“Always,” I assured and grabbed his hand before walking over and pulling it open, spotting an attic that had to be a part of Bob’s own void and knew we were close. 

Maybe he was like me, running from something and hiding where he thought it couldn’t reach him but things always have a funny way of catching up to you and I knew we weren’t done, there was a lot more void to tackle. But I was at least leaving my own behind and together with a John who’d never forget me.

[stellacadente]

i actually think i should be allowed to one day walk into work and start screaming and not stop for the entire shift

so we've got guides/faqs for the different stuff we do, not going into detail it's not relevant but anyway, a lot of those were written and are constantly updated by me. well apparently they're hard to use because you have to... search for what you're looking for? (i've said a thousand times: ctrl + f. it's not hard.) so they've proposed we use chatgpt so "you can ask it your question and it gives the answer to you without you having to look for it" GOD 😭😭😭😭 how hard can it be to fucking ctrl + f "fattura" or "abilitazione" or whatever the fuck and read the fucking rule. lazy. and like yeah honestly i do take it a little personally when my coworkers criticize the guidelines and faqs i write which fine, my bad, even if i don't ever externalize it and just deal with it, because rationally i'm sure it's nothing personal, but i mean i put SO much effort into them, into making them AND keeping them updated, and i'm the only one who takes care of quite a few of them, and all people can do is 1. not look at them when they should lol 2. criticize them without ever being like. hey maybe we could change this thing and if you want i can help you with it. how am i not supposed to get pissed off when i take time out of my working hours to keep this shit updated (because it's not planned, i do it when i find a free minute or oftentimes i just CREATE a free minute or ten lmao) on top of everything else i do, which includes helping my coworkers with things they could just LOOK UP IN THE GUIDELINES, and no one seems to appreciate it. ever. i'm not saying like kiss my feet but maybe once in a while a "good job in keeping this shit running" would be nice lmao and if someone like gave me a hand that wouldn't hurt either... i just think they don't ever stop and think of how much effort and time and care i put into all the shit i do and while i love my job and my coworkers and my coordinators sometimes it does hurt bc like tbh i do more than is required and get very little in return. if i could bring myself to do less i would try it for a while just to see how they fare. but unfortunately i'm stupidly anal about my job. and too much of my self worth is based on how well i do this job, which yes, not healthy, i know

this turned into a vent. ops

[misscrawfords]

I've been listening to Pride and Prejudice again this week in the car - I've got as far as Mrs. Gardiner's letter - and oh, my heart! So many thoughts and feelings. (Pls ask me about P&P, please.) Anyway, one thing I've been reflecting on is how the plot is almost too neat. It's fairytale-like in that there's really no way it could have happened IRL - what are the odds that Elizabeth's best friend marries Darcy's aunt's clergyman and they all happen to be in Kent together? What are the odds that Elizabeth goes to Derbyshire and visits his estate at exactly the time he arrives back? etc. etc. In real life, none of this could have happened. P&P is as tightly plotted and sparse in its extraneous details in the same way that Emma is and Emma is possibly the tightest plotted novel ever written.

But it got me thinking about P&P "variations" as the published fanfic is called and how unlikely so much of it is. People really want to make Austen's characters do things they absolutely never would. There is zero chance that Elizabeth would accept Mr. Collins. There is less than zero chance that Mr. Darcy would compromise her and force her to marry him. (Mr Darcy? The guy who thinks staring uncomfortably at a woman across the room is flirting? As if!) These so-called variations might end up with interesting plots but are fundamentally flawed because the characters who would act in these ways are absolutely not the characters Austen wrote.

So I was wondering where you could successfully have a variation. It would have to be a scenario in which circumstances change but not characters. So here are a few I think could work (and almost certainly have been written):

Bingley meets Jane in London. Despite Darcy and Caroline's best efforts, it's not inconceivable that they might bump into each other. London's big but not that big. It's as plausible as the meeting at Pemberley. I can't imagine Bingley could be persuaded against Jane when she's actually in front of him, looking sad and ill because she missed him so much. But what of his relationship with Darcy? Surely strained at this point. And what of Darcy's relationship with Elizabeth now that they'd be thrown together much more much earlier on and in a way that ensures continuous acquaintance. What happens with Lydia? Unlikely she'd ever go to Brighton. Jane's marriage changes the Bennets' circumstances entirely. Everything is changed here but it's an intriguing AU and not implausible.

Elizabeth and the Gardiners go to the Lakes. I mean... it's only authorial dabbling that means they don't in the first place. The Pemberley sequence never happens. Big repercussions for the development of Darcy's character, Elizabeth's feelings and Lydia's reputation. How do you get them all back together? Uncertain. Another more minor but potentially interesting change in this area would be the Gardiners always intending to go to Derbyshire. The journey is brought up at Rosings. Darcy pre-proposal invites Elizabeth and her relations to Pemberley. It gives him an opportunity to be nicer earlier but how does Elizabeth receive it? What happens at the proposal consequently? What happens to the offered invitation post-refusal? Becomes even more awkward in Derbyshire.

Georgiana accompanies Darcy and the Bingleys to Netherfield. Not the AU I'd be most interested in because I think Wickham would nope out of there the second he knows Georgiana is in town because there's no way Darcy wouldn't act if his sister's wellbeing was on the line, so that whole plot would be knocked on the head. However, the possibility of a friendship being struck up between Elizabeth and Georgiana at Netherfield while Jane is ill is a cute one. (Though I think without an interest in Darcy himself, Elizabeth would take time to warm up to Georgiana - lbr the Bennet who would instantly become her big sister is Jane.)

Lydia never lets slip about Darcy being at her wedding. Not a very interesting AU because Elizabeth would find out somehow and Bingley and Darcy would return to Netherfield anyway and she's in love with him even without knowing about Lydia so....

Can you think of any more AU possibilities like this that don't involve the characters acting OOC to set up the premise?

[master-of-igloos]

Let's Talk About Omori!

PART 1 - The 'Incident'

Honestly, I have no idea where to start as Omori and it's story is so beautifully complex and carefully written- and I want to be able to write and express my ideas about it without leaving out the small details that makes Omori what it is and mischaracterizing any of the unique characters. (which is extremely common in this fandom) Just know that I am not an expert in any way possible, I'm just a silly little omori fan wanting to write about their interests. TW: talk of death, suicide, and violence.

Mari & Sunny

To start this off, I think we should talk about the history behind Mari and Sunny. Using what we were shown in Final Duet and Basil's photo album, Mari was likely a leading role in Sunny's life- introducing him to music and his friends. Since it's obvious that Sunny doesn't speak a lot, Mari probably did most of the speaking for him. Despite not showing his emotions clearly, we can assume that Sunny cared for Mari and trusted her a lot. Multiple times in the game, Mari was described as having a 'bad knee'. If you go to the tree house in RW and interact with the baseball bat, it'll tell you about how Mari quit softball due to a leg injury. (i don't know if this is accurate i pulled this from the omori wiki) This makes me think that music might've been Mari's last resort, angry and upset with herself (as we can assume that she was a perfectionist) and devoting all of her time into music- eventually pulling Sunny in with her.

The Recital + Mari and Sunny's Stress

As I said before, Mari was probably a major perfectionist. When proposed with the (likely Mari's) idea of a recital, this stressed Sunny out- as I fully believe Sunny had some major stage fright- and caused him to lose focus, and make mistakes. This might've stressed Mari out a lot as well, trying not to be upset with Sunny though she wanted the piece to be perfect. This led Mari to overworking Sunny until he eventually couldn't take it any more.

The Incident

Finally, it happens. After what I think would be weeks of overworking, Sunny snapped on Mari. I think Sunny was likely extremely burnt out and ended up telling Mari about his stress and other feelings about the recital, to which Mari responded with offense and maybe even anger, causing Sunny to feel as if his feelings were being invalidated. This quickly escalated the situation, Sunny getting angrier as they began to argue- before walking out on her. At this point, Mari was probably PISSED, believing that Sunny was throwing away everything that she worked for. This became a lot more literal when Sunny threw his violin down the stairs, breaking it entirely. This likely sent Mari into a full on fit, leading her to lash out on Sunny. This is probably when it got messy, Sunny feeling invalidated and offended, and Mari feeling as if her dream was being taken away from her once again, just like softball. Now, I fully believe that Sunny didn't mean to push Mari anywhere but away from him- but whether or not that's true- we don't know. Maybe, Sunny meant to push her down the stairs, but I think that's very unlikely. And do you remember how I told you about that knee injury Mari had? I believe, this probably played a major role in Mari's death, as many people could've survived this fall- even if they did end up with extreme injuries. Moving on, I think Sunny most likely didn't even realize what happened for a few seconds, but when he did he was probably sent into a major shock. This would also explain some of his actions, such as dragging her to the bed as if she was asleep. (not sure if this is what really happened or not, but it was shown in the photos of the incidents) Though it could be that he didn't even know she was dead, I think he knew, and was just clinging on to the slim possibility of her being alive.

Basil's Role

Basil's role in this situation is a tricky thing to talk about- as we don't know a lot about what he was thinking or feeling. The only information we can pull from him is what we were shown. So, I'm gonna start off with just that. I think that Basil probably didn't see the argument that led up to Sunny pushing Mari, and only walked in when things began to escalate. His main goal at that moment was probably trying to keep Sunny calm, and safe- though a part of him was still concerned about Mari. (i'll go into a lot more depth abt this in my basil analysis i plan on writing) This could explain why instead of calling the ambulance, or the police, he decided to do what he did- staging Mari's suicide by hanging her in Sunny's backyard. I believe that Basil was driven by his abandonment issues and extreme fear of ever losing Sunny. (basil and sunny's relationship was definitely very codependent) Instead of focusing on Mari, he focused on Sunny- which led him to something he would regret.

The End

yippie!! i'm done!!! even though this is purely self indulgent i hope anyone who reads this enjoys this bc i spent way too much time thinking abt it. im praying that i'll have as much motivation i had when writing this when i go to write my basil analysis- anyways...

by the way this was NOT beta read

bye bye!

[gamebunny-advance]

The Disappearance of Kul Fyra (Theory)

(Skip to the Read More to start the theory.)

This was originally a response to someone else's theory/headcanon that they left on one of my posts, but after what happened the last time I tried to engage someone in a theory, I've decided to just post my response on its own without tagging the person.

I'm just... tired of accidentally making people feel bad because they take me disagreeing with them too personally. But, I still like the theory/headcanons I made in the end, so I still want this out there.

I'm sure if that person really cares about my response, then they'll find this post on their own time, and those of you that care about what this is a response to will likewise just click the link and look through the reblogs.

So yeah, that's why this post is written like I'm talking to someone: because I originally was. But even if y'all don't wanna do the extra footwork of finding the original theory, I think you can figure out what I'm responding to through context.

---------------------------------------

Whoo, time for some good old' theory debating~ Haven't done one of those in a while.

This is an interesting theory, but you are jumping through some real hoops and over some sharks to get there friend, so I'm sorry to say that most of your points just aren't sticking for me. >A<;.

So, I'm gonna offer my counterarguments~

Firstly, I cannot ignore how you're just wrong about the characters' skin color.

I don't know where you're getting that Tatiana is a "slate gray" unless you're talking about a totally different color.

(DuckDuckGo search for "slate gray")

Tatiana is white. Maybe not a pure #FFFFFF, but certainly not "slate gray."

(Tatiana's Briefing Profile)

But, even if you don't want to say she's "white" because she isn't #FFFFFF, Kliff under NO circumstance has lighter skin than Tatiana.

I know that I just made a post joking about how he's "WHITE 🫵," but he still has *some* color to him.

(Tatiana, Kliff, and the photo desaturated)

He's still obviously light skinned, but he's still a little darker than the literally white Tatiana. The only reason she isn't pure white is that she would lose a lot of dimension and detail if she was, so she's shaded a little more harshly than other characters. But it's still just shadow, not her actual skin.

The point is: I cannot fathom how you can think the figure in the middle of the signed photo is too pale to be Tatiana, but somehow pale enough to be Kliff. It's just contradictory. But since your entire theory depends on the idea that the middle figure resembles Kliff more than Tatiana, I can't ignore it, and the entire theory falls apart for me.

However, if we put that to the side, there are still interesting things to talk about the theory.

I have also wondered how literally no one in the entire city besides Kliff seems to know that Tatiana was Kul Fyra. But, I propose that Tatiana used her power as NSR's CEO to erase that part of her history.

We witness first-hand how NSR uses propaganda and otherwise manipulates the media to be in their favor, so it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine that Tatiana would have done everything in her power to erase her ties to The Goolings once she got into power. This would be especially easy to do if she already kept her private life and stage persona separate, like you suggested. (Though, I still don't think she'd be so secretive as to *never* appear in photos).

The way Barbara talks about Tatiana implies that she knows that Tatiana has had some experience in the music industry before NSR, but doesn't know the exact capacity. So, it would appear that Tatiana was mostly successful in burying her identity as Kul Fyra, but anyone who digs into it will find that the story isn't complete.

With that in mind, it's not unlikely that Mayday wouldn't make the connection either, simply because she doesn't have access to the information (and let's be honest, she's kinda stupid). She became a fan after The Goolings had already disbanded and after the hypothetical cover-up, so she wouldn't be able to learn anything that wasn't public knowledge.

It could also be that Tatiana has just changed so much since that time, that younger pictures of herself don't have an obvious resemblance to her current self. Mayday never saw The Goolings live, so she wouldn't know exactly what Kul Fyra looked like. It's even established early on that Mayday has a hard time recognizing people from photos in reality, given that she doesn't recognize Kliff when meeting him for the first time, despite him apparently sending a photo of himself with his message.

However, her first guess about Tatiana's identity is Kul Fyra's mom, so Mayday must see some resemblance, but can't fully believe that they would be the same person without direct confirmation.

For why Kliff knows about it, in his own words, "Everyone turned their backs on you when The Goolings disbanded, but I stood with you." This implies that he was close to Tatiana even after the breakup. It's very possible that this is the real reason she hates him: because he kept trying to drag her back to her past failures that she was trying to escape.

Additionally, none of the other characters we meet ever describe themselves as fans of rock. Most of B2J's supporters that aren't Kliff support them because they do something else to earn it: they give Zam a place to run his radio show, Gigi disagrees with the injustice at the Lights Up Auditions, and Robot appears to just be friendly. They do convince Yiruk to start a career in rock, but it's obvious that he didn't start with an appreciation for the genre. Also, given the additional evidence from the Ex-Jay poster in Akusuka that rock was already dying in Vinyl City before that point, it's clear that there just weren't that many fans or performers of rock left in the city. Thus, there weren't many people left who would care enough about The Goolings to know the truth, let alone people that were also in a position to reveal that information. So while at first, it might seem strange that only one person in the entire city seems to know the truth about Tatiana/Kul Fyra, there's actually a lot of evidence that Kliff truly is one of the last people in the city that could possibly have that information and use it against her.

As for the photo itself, I also don't think Tatiana really looks like the figure in the center, but none of the people in the photo look like the same people from the Goolings poster.

(The Goolings Poster and The Goolings Photo)

Granted, the photo appears to be in sepia and both are somewhat abstract, so the colors and designs probably aren't going to be 1:1. But just the style of the hair is what stands out the most as being inaccurate. That said, I've always interpreted the photo to be The Goolings "off-stage" where they're in more casual clothes/hair. We know that Tatiana can turn her fire off, so her natural skin color might have always been white, and later her hair started as another color (likely red) and turned white with age.

Then for whom the photo belongs to, it could just be Aunty's. If we follow the theory that the photo is of the "off-stage" Goolings, then it's possible that the photo was actually taken and signed in Aunty's shop when the band was having a lunch break or something. There are plenty of places that will take pictures of the famous people that visit and display them as a sign of prestige without actually being invested in the person.

This would explain why Aunty doesn't seem to have any special dialogue regarding The Goolings despite having a signed picture of them and (probably) knowing that Mayday is also a fan. Although she's genuinely nice and supportive, Aunty is also using B2J's popularity to increase sales by introducing new menu items named after them, so she's not above using the fame of her customers to boost her shop. She may have been a legit fan of The Goolings, but just not to the same extent as Mayday or Kliff. She might not have been invested enough to know what happened after the Goolings disbanded.

Finally, this post is very old. I posted it only 5 months after the game came out and information was still coming out from data miners and the devs. I know now that the signatures aren't supposed to be "real." I know that NSR has some pretty tight world building and lots of little extra details, but the signatures are officially not one of the things with a lot of thought behind them. They're just symbols designed to resemble a signature because if one of them is obviously a real character's name, then that opens up all the others for interpretation, and the devs wanted to leave that kind of thing open-ended. It's the same for the 1010 signatures: no "signature" in this game has a special meaning or is supposed to resemble a real word/name, and that is confirmed by the devs. So the signatures probably belong to Kul Fyra and the other 3 members, but it doesn't matter which one is which, and it would be impossible to figure it out.

Anyway, after all that, I think there being a secret 5th member of The Goolings that's actually Kliff's relative is cool, but I just don't think your theory as you've written it supports the idea strongly enough for me to personally believe it.

But, there's nothing wrong with having a headcanon that doesn't fit into the actual canon. Even everything I've said is just speculation based on my interpretation of the game. If what you said was your honest interpretation of things, then I can't really take that away from you or change your mind.

[yuta-nakamots]

Bring The Noize - S.Johnny (Teaser)

Pairing(s) - Street Racer!Johnny x Female Reader (slight Kun x Female Reader to be included in the full fic)

Genre(s) - Fluff, Action, University!AU, friends to lovers (Angst, lovers to ??? to be included in the full fic)

Warning(s) - Johnny drives dangerously with the reader in the car

Summary - Johnny drives with a fury that mirrors the heartbreak you left behind, every turn on the track chasing the ghost of you. When you’re thrown back into his world, tension ignites into passion and danger, until one reckless race threatens to unravel everything still unspoken between you.

Teaser Word Count - 0.7k

Estimated Release Date - April 29, 2025

Author’s Note - This takes place before Highway to Heaven - K.Doyoung and Honor To Us All - Z.Chenle

Taglist - @k-vanity @neocity-net @cosyhomenet (leave a comment or send an ask if you'd like to be added!)

Written for the Adrenaline Rush! Collab hosted by me @/yuta-nakamots. Also part of my NCT: Seven Deadly Sins Collection.

Now Playing: Bring The Noize - NCT 127, Gas - NCT 127, Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd, Red - Taylor Swift 

Being with Johnny felt like a constant adrenaline rush. He was always taking your relationship from 0 to 100 just as he did with his car on the racetrack. When you met him in your first year of university through an introductory business class, he was calm and charming, and ever so eager to take you out on a date. 

Thinking back to then, it had taken Johnny three tries to finally ask you on a date. The first time, he misread your scribbled phone number on his arm and texted the wrong number. The second time, his words fell onto deaf ears as you realized you were almost late to class and ran off. The third time, he had pinned you against a wall after class with his warm hands gripping onto your hips to make sure you heard his pleas. “Go on a date with me.”

”W-what?” You breath hitched at the close proximity and forwardness of Johnny’s actions. 

“Go on a date with me,” he repeated. “Please?”

Your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, but you couldn’t help but smile and tell him, “okay.”

It was on your first date when he picked you up in his Nissan GT-R Nismo, which he had gotten freshly detailed just for the occasion, and drove you up to one of his favorite lookout points right outside of town. From this vantage point, he pointed out the campus, his apartment, and a sprawling racetrack that you didn’t even know existed. “That’s where I spend most of my time when I’m not in class,” he told you while you both sat on the hood of his car. 

Johnny intrigued you. This side of him was entirely new to you, and you were itching to find out more. “What do you do over there?”

“Oh, just driving, fixing up cars, helping out the racing team I’m part of…” There was more he wasn’t sharing with you. 

“Do you race?”

You swore you saw the corners of Johnny‘s mouth twitch upwards. “A little.”

“How about we go there next time?” You proposed as your eyes traced the path of the racetrack. 

“Oh, so there’s a next time?” Johnny jokes, turning to face you. 

You shrugged, feigning indifference. “Only if you want it.”

“I don’t want it, I need it,” he declared while placing a hand on your hip and pulling you closer to him.  

On your second date, Johnny had obeyed your wishes and taken you to the track. He drove through the gates onto the pavement, the bright lights of the track reflecting off the surface of his car. 

The engine rumbled quietly as he pulled up to the checkered lines, bringing the car to a gentle stop. “Are you ready for this?” His eyes locked with yours, seeking reassurance before he fully brought you into his world. 

Your hand came up to run along the seatbelt that lay across your chest. “Never been more ready.”

Johnny’s lips stretched into a cat-like smile as he turned his gaze to the stretch of asphalt ahead and got comfortable in his seat. His hands gripped onto the leather of his steering wheel, making his knuckles go white. “Hold on tight,” he murmured, though you weren’t sure if it was directed to you or himself. 

You didn’t have time to ponder that thought when you were suddenly pushed into the back of your seat upon the rapid acceleration. Johnny took off on the straightaway and laid off on the gas as the first turn drew near. He took to the outside of the turn, then veered to the inside before guiding his wheel back to being centered and floored the gas once more. 

Johnny was a skilled driver, no doubt. His aggressive handling style poses a striking comparison to his smooth talking, yet mirrors his bold personality. He drove with an almost reckless edge, taking every turn just a tad bit faster than he should, causing you to clench in your seat. Your fingernails dug into the padding of the seat while your legs grew tense from pushing your feet against the flooring. 

He crossed the finish line and brought the car down to a coasting speed for another lap, letting the engine cool off a bit. “How was that?” He asked, his right hand coming to rest on your thigh. 

“Exhilarating.” You responded, your heart feeling like it was going to jump right out of your chest. 

[musette22]

Hey sweetheart, how are you doing? Busy and overwhelmed, I assume, I hope you're getting enough rest though, sorry for adding even more asks to your inbox, you can answer this whenever you want/can, or not at all. I mean it.

So, this morning I wrote an entire ask and was just about to send it, when my mom called and I just tried to click "send" but I doubt it ever got sent. But if it has (I highly doubt it), then ignore this haha.

https://www.tumblr.com/musette22/757098480109043712/the-fact-that-everyone-is-talking-about-it

Oh my god, may I add something to this? (Side note: don't expect a 'point' and how it's related to the other post in this paragraph, but I'll get there I swear 😂) I have given a lot of thoughts to Seb and Chris playing a couple in something, where they're in good hands of people who just see their chemistry like we do, someone who gets it, you know? Not because they wouldn't exude sexual/romantic aura (?) through the screen in the shittiest projects, no, but this pairing deserves to be portrayed as a couple in something well written and well-produced, and again, someone who brings their chemistry to life onscreen to its full potential. Like, imagine them playing a married couple with a daughter in a black mirror or something (no I know, but hear me out😂) where they're two educated people who just want to protect their daughter and themselves from the modern society where it seems like they're the only sane ones, and everybody is so insane with this age of technology and how stupid people are getting every single day, you get the idea, classic black mirror. And I know there's nothing original about this idea, but they would absolutely nail it. Hell, I have this whole episode in my head with so much detail that it's embarrassing, just because I WANT EVANSTAN. Like I can literally see it in my head, their looks, their outfits, set design, the story, some very specific scenes, everything. Wow, it really is embarrassing. Jesus..

Anyway, I said all of that, just to say, imagine if that happened, their chemistry would make everyone go insane; I just know that so many people would be like "holy shit how did I never pay attention before?" Or just about how PERFECT of a couple they make.

I don't know, I just think about it quite often you know? The general public would have an eye-opening experience for sure and I would be sooo satisfied to see that. 😂 ugh.

Hiiiii sweetheart!! 💖💖 I'm doing well thank you, very busy like you said, but overall feeli g very good (and the boys' unexpected reunion played no small part in that, of course 😍). I hope you're doing wonderfully yourself, darling, and thank you so much for this delightful message!!!

I actually LOVE this idea so much, I love that it's a slightly different take on what we've all been saying for years, namely that Chris and Sebastian should be playing a couple in something to utilise their chemistry and make literally everyone happy by finally reuniting them properly on screen! But usually we talk about romcoms, or romantic dramas, but while that obviously holds its own appeal, there's something about the scenario you're proposing that's maybe even better?

Like, it wouldn't be quite as much of a spectacle (like a romcom certainly would be), and it would instead feel more real and more powerful, you know? An episode in an ongoing, well-written and made series, in which them being a couple is just a given, and it's them (and their daughter 😫) against the world, and it would give them the opportunity to show just how GOOD they are together, how well they work together and how easy and natural, and they'd absolutely nail the drama & intensity of a plot line like that ❤️

So yes, I can absolutely see why you're so invested in this idea, and I would LOVE it if I could just see all those images and scenes in your head because it sounds so wonderful 😍

And GOD, it would be so satisfying to see everyone losing their minds over their chemistry again, but this time like times a hundred, because it would be like EXTREMELY obvious all of a sudden, even to those whose eyes hadn't been opened to it before. I want it si bad 😭 Which deity/exec do we have to pray to to make this happen!?

Thanks again for sharing all of this with us!!! Sending lots of love and hugs, sweetheart 💖💖

[starlitangels]

Why I'm 'The' Avior Fan

for @plaqying's little Awards event!

I have quite a few reasons

The first is that he's been my favorite character since I first heard his playlist and made myself obnoxious on this blog about that fact

Basically, the brainrot took hold and I was one of the ones who was constantly thinking about his story and proposing potential theories for where his plotline was going

I listened to his playlist so many times, trying to pick out any tiny little obscure details for lore and hints and clues, and I made a lot of posts about it

Another big reason I could be considered "the" Avior fan is that I have had people tag me in Avior fan art that others had done with captions like "Star, I think you'll want to see this" (I did). My reputation for being That One Person who was Unbelievably Down Bad/Obsessed had spread enough that people would see Avior and one of their thoughts when they reblogged it was to tag me because they knew I'd go wild over it (I did)

Does crying my eyes out for the entire 45 minute Truth audio count as a reason? Because my investment was so deep and my heartbreak was so much that I literally couldn't stop? Thank the heavens I was home alone at the time my husband would have been so confused lol

I don't know if I've written the most Avior fanfiction out there but I definitely wrote a lot and quite a few of them got a lot of response about being pretty good, so I'll take that

I also wrote some heartbreakingly angsty Avior headcanons that got me (affectionately) yelled at iirc

Also, I started learning how to draw again after a... multi-year hiatus because I specifically wanted to draw pieces of Avior and Starlight's story #Dedication

My profile picture has almost always been some variation of my version of Starlight

You could literally ask anyone who are regulars in my notes "Which Redacted voiced character do you associate with Star" and I guarantee most of them would say Avior maybe Elliott if they found me during that one specific era last spring but that's beside the point

A very kind soul on my birthday one year drew a doodle of Avior giving me a cupcake. Said kind soul didn't even have to ask who would make me the happiest to receive a cupcake from

I am, literally, like, The Avior Person to a lot of people around here and you can ask around and they would probably tell you that immediately

Lastly, my energy for keeping up with Redacted kinda faded in this last little while it will be back, I guarantee you but even when I was starting to feel myself pulling away a little, I will still drop everything and run to grab my headphones when Avior gets his rare uploads

Oh did I say lastly? Too bad I'm still going I literally have done more fan art for Avior than any other character in the history of me learning how to draw. I also consistently tag posts about him with "Sarcastic Demon my beloved" because, again, he is my beloved XD

This one specific character just kinda grabbed me and refused to let go and there were many days of washing dishes filled with me relistening to Sovereign State over and over and over again

Also Erik dropped Other Side by Anberlin as "a song with Avior vibes" and it immediately got added to like three playlists of mine because it slapped and also broke my heart but that was right before the Truth audio and it still breaks my heart but this is slightly less relevant

[duckprintspress]

Fandom Lexicon: F

Considering that “F” is the first word of “fan,” “fandom,” and “fiction” … there are a lot of entries in the letter F. And here they all are!

Check out the full lexicon posted thus far here.

Spot a mistake? Think of a term we missed? Drop us an ask or comment!

Lexicon Terms Beginning with F: (read more)

Faceclaim: When someone assigns a celebrity’s face to their original character. Most often used in a roleplay setting. Those participating in a roleplaying scenario together may make rules against multiple characters having the same face. See also: fancast. Read more about faceclaims.

Fan edit: 1. A short video in which the creator patches together clips from the source fandom(s) and sets those clips to music and/or uses them to tell an abbreviated version of the original story or an entirely new story. See also: edit. 2. A photo manipulation in which a creator takes images from their fandom and modifies them. Often called a manip. Read more about types of fan edits.

Fanart: Artwork based on original media, often using the same characters and/or settings, but placing them in new contexts. Read more about fanart.

Fanartist: A person who creates fanart.

Fanboy: Someone who gets very excited about something they’re a fan of, but in a way that is seen as more “masculine.” Despite the gendered language, this term can be applied to any and all genders; several non-gendered variations (such as “fanswirl”) have been proposed, but none have caught on. See also: fangirl. Read more about the term “fanboy.”

Fancast: When a fan decides that a specific character would be best depicted by a specific real individual. This usually involves actual actors, but that isn’t necessarily a requirement. Similar to faceclaiming, but typically focused on characters from other media rather than on an individual’s original characters. For example, if someone reads a book and then decides which performers they’d like to see portray the characters in a live-action adaptation, that’s a fancast. Read more about fancasts.

Fandom : 1. A collective term for everyone who is a fan (of anything and everything – from a book through a sport’s team to an activity such as fishing and everything in between). 2. A collective term for people who are fans of a specific thing (media, character, actor, sport, etc.). 3. A term for the environment in which a person might express their enjoyment of a specific thing/things. Read more about what a fandom is.

Fanfic: Shortened term for “fanfiction.”

Fanfiction: Written works of fiction based on original media, often using the same characters and/or settings, but placing them in new contexts, extending the storylines, or otherwise transforming them per the writer’s specifications. Read more about fanfiction.

Fangirl: Someone who gets very excited about something they’re a fan of, but in a way that is seen as more “feminine.” Despite the gendered language, this term can be applied to any and all genders; several non-gendered variations (such as “fanswirl”) been proposed, but none have caught on. See also: fanboy. Read more about the term “fangirl.”

Fanlore: A wiki run by the OTW that compiles fandom-related information – basically a much, much larger and better documented version of this lexicon. See also: AO3, OTW. Visit Fanlore.org.

Fanmix: A fanmix is a selection of music, such as would be on a mixtape or mix CD, that a fan has compiled because of how they feel the music relates to a fandom or fandoms of their choice. Read more about fanmixes.

Fanon: An idea about a character, setting, plot, or other detail about a story that is not explicitly stated in the source material but is believed to be true. Fanon may be personal and believed by only one person or may become popular and become an established part of the fandom vernacular for a given fandom. See also: canon, head canon. Read more about the term “fanon.”

Fanwork: The collective term for all creations that fans make as part of their participation in fandom, such as fanfiction, fanart, edits, manips, filk, meta, and more. Read more about fanworks.

Fanzine: See zine.

Feelings Yakuza: See Okimochi Yakuza.

Feels: As in “right in the feels.” Used to describe when something makes a person emotional despite themselves. Read more about the term “feels.”

Femslash: Lesbian and wlw fanworks, shipping female characters together. See also: slash. Read more about femslash.

Fest: A fandom event centered on a specific theme, often characterized by many prompts or other interaction opportunities scheduled over a period of time that result in the creation and sharing of numerous informal/smaller creations. Read more about fests.

FF.net: Abbreviation for fanfiction.net. A website that hosts fanfiction. Visit FF.net.

Fic: Short for fiction or fanfiction.

Fic Rec: Shortened term for “fanfiction recommendation.” A fanfic that someone has recommended because it’s one of their personal favorites and/or on some criteria (for example, “fanfics set at a beach.”) Fic recs are often compiled into rec lists. Read more about recs.

Ficlet: A short fanfiction. Ficlets are usually under 1,000 words. See also: drabble, flash fic. Read more about ficlets.

Filk: Essentially fanfic in music form, though the medium may make the connection less obvious. For example, Come With Me by chxrlotte is about Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens. Read more about filk.

Fix-it: A fanwork that fixes a perceived or actual problem in the source material. For example, a fix-it might offer an explanation for an actual plot hole, or it may be created to segue between canon and popular fanon, or it might be used to change an unhappy event in canon (such as a character dying) into a tale with a happier ending. Read more about fix-its.

Flame: To be intentionally offensive toward someone on the internet. Often used as a verb. Read more about flames and flaming.

Flamewar: When two or more people engage in reciprocal flaming, exchanging increasingly offensive and/or violent posts with each other, the resulting back-and-forth is called a flamewar. This term has largely fallen out of fashion; “discourse” and “wank” are used more often now. Read more about flamewars.

Flash Fic: Shortened term for “flash fiction.” Very short fiction stories, typically not more than a couple hundred words. Read more about flash fiction.

Fluff: Refers to fics or scenes that are soft, soothing, calm, domestic, and/or loving – the in-betweens and soft points we rarely see on the published page or the TV screen because they are the opposite of conflict. Read more about fluff.

Follow Forever: Someone an individual will never stop following on social media, even if their interests diverge. In the past, “follow forever” posts were popular on Tumblr, where an OP would make a list of other users they would never unfollow. Follow forevers have fallen out of style.

Forum: 1. A message board, usually privately owned/not connected to social media. 2. A specific type of Discord channel that bears some resemblance to how Reddit works. 3. The message board section of a large webpage that may have other functionality as well, such as the forums on Ravelry. Read more about forums.

FTM: Abbreviation for “female to male.” A way of referring to a transgender man. Some people find this term offensive, and others do not. Some transgender people use it to discuss their own gender and their transition, and others do not. Read more about the abbreviation “ftm.”

Fudanshi: A Japanese term for a man who is a fan of BL and yaoi (mlm) content. See also: fujoshi. Read more about fudanshi.

Fujo: Shortened term of “fujoshi.”

Fujoshi: A Japanese term for a woman who is a fan of BL and yaoi (mlm) content. See also: fudanshi. Read more about fujoshi.

Fursona: Refers to the name, characteristics, and physical attributes that a furry has chosen for their animal persona. See also [thing]sona. Read more about fursonas.

Fusion: Specifically in a fandom sense, fusion is used to refer to when a fanfiction or fanart combines two or more different fandoms into one shared universe. The most famous example is Superwholock, the fusion ‘verse of Supernatural, Doctor Who, and BBC Sherlock. Read more about fusion fanfiction.

Futanari : A Japanese word that is often used in fandom to describe characters with sex characteristics from both genders. This and the shortened term “futa” are, in the West, most often used to describe a genre of pornographic anime and manga. Read more about the term “futanari.”

[ntls-24722]

hello 👋

I want to ask about Carman he seem like a very nice guy very wise and if I’m not mistaken, he is in love with the back rooms and technically in love with some thing in there I just really don’t understand everything about him

so would you please mind tell us more about Carmen?

love your art

You are right on that! and, Thank you!! 💖💕

So just, brief overview of Cameron and Miguel(The Backrooms) since a lot of the info is in a big big reblog chain

Cameron is indeed nice and wise, though his outward personality depends on where you find him. In our reality, he's very quiet and keeps to himself, and although he is still kind he's not half as loud and playful and extraverted as he is inside of the backrooms because the place really does give him a sense of childlike wonder that makes him come out of his shell like nothing else does. You asked specifically about Cameron but I think his character is straightforward, his relationship is a bit odd and I think that's what you meant

He is in love with the backrooms, but not something inside of there. He is in love with the various places, the entire plane of existance. By extension, yes, that includes everything in it, but he is not in love with one specific object. The entire backrooms is "alive" (it is inorganic but it has thoughts and emotions), but it has no living things inside of it. No entities or anything like that - the only entities within the Backrooms is the Backrooms itself and anyone who gets stuck inside of it.

While it cannot directly speak to Cameron, the backrooms can communicate to him by making things like written notes or objects appear inside of itself, which is how it confessed that it loved Cameron back. Cameron named it "Miguel" and called it by she/her (the opposing masculinity and femininity made it androgynous in his mind) and the backrooms doesn't care what it's called, so "Miguel" worked just fine.

After a while, he proposed to and "married" Miguel via putting a ring on the floor.

Miguel was overjoyed, not like she could really show it, but, she was as happy-looking as a bunch of walls can look.

(weirdly enough, even though Miguel has thousands of levels, I always imagine Miguel as a bunch of houses on hills. Cameron generally goes to very whimsical and nicer levels and I guess the rolling hills level could just be the "go-to" that Miguel chooses, but there's way more than just that)

There's a bunch of other stuff with the backrooms in here, like how instead of a neverending maze there's just singular levels people get stuck in each time they end up inside, and how a lot of things don't make sense inside of there, and if you meant to ask that, I could go into detail, but that's generally what's going on with these 2.

[mygif2u]

Another Life

Pairing: MaryAnna Character(s): Mary Crawley/Anna Smith Rating: G Warnings/Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Time Travel

Anna did not know what kind of sorcery had been cast upon her to not only switch the lives of herself and Lady Mary, but to also send her back in time, but Anna knew that something must have happened to cause this. And, as impossible as it sounded, whatever that something was would need to happen again if Anna was to have any hope of going back to her old life.

Read it below, or on AO3.

A/N: Written for an exchange; based on the prompt for a Lady!Anna x Lady’sMaid!Mary AU, which caught my eye immediately (and in hindsight it’s such a glaringly obvious prompt I’m surprised no-one has done it for this ship before - so this is my take on it!) It is such a good idea, I think I may revisit/expand on it in the future. Given the time crunch for this piece though, I think this is the best I can give it for now.

I haven’t watched the show in ages, and stopped watching around Season 3, so apologies if certain details are missing or inaccurate. It is being assumed in this fic that the whole household (family and staff) are aware of a possible match being made between Mary and Patrick (if I remember right, this was a secret in the show’s canon.) This has been set pre-series/first episode of Season 1 (so we are really taking it back.)

Un beta-d so any mistakes are my own.

Enjoy!

**

The first thing that told Anna something was wrong was the sound of curtains squeaking along metal rails. The next was when she opened her eyes and saw that the room she was in was not the room she went to sleep in the night before. The thing that convinced her that something was thoroughly, completely, and utterly wrong, though, was when Lady Mary swept into view, dressed in her uniform, and greeted her with a warm smile.

“Good morning, Lady Anna.”

Anna remained still in her bed – which was not her bed, she realised with a dawning horror – and tried to tamp down on her growing panic. She was in Lady Mary’s room, in Lady Mary’s bed, and Lady Mary herself was referring to her as “Lady Anna” instead of simply as “Anna.” Perhaps, no, surely she must still be asleep?

Anna shut her eyes tightly, waited for the image of Lady Mary’s room to disappear from her mind along with her sight, and opened her eyes again, only to find that Lady Mary was still there, and her previously warm countenance had morphed into concern.

“My Lady?”

Anna blinked up at her.

“Is everything alright?”

Anna didn’t know what to say to her. Nothing was alright – her world had been turned on its head over night, and she hadn’t the foggiest idea how or why. She gaped up at Mary, trying to form an answer that didn’t make her sound completely mad.

“I...I just feel a little unwell, is all,” Anna replied haltingly.

Lady Mary’s concern faded slightly, and she gave Anna a gentle smile. It was a look so familiar to Anna that it calmed her briefly – it was a look that was a rare gift from Lady Mary, one she gave to so few. Anna counted herself fortunate to be one of the only people to be treated to it.

“It’s alright to be nervous.”

Anna frowned. Nervous was not the term she would use for whatever was happening here – world-shattering, mind-bending, life-altering, perhaps. But nervous? No, not quite.

“Even if you have known your future husband your entire life, a proposal from him is still quite a momentous occasion.”

Anna’s mind reeled at the words husband and proposal. She barely noticed Lady Mary stride to the other side of the room to set out her clothes for the morning – clothes that usually Anna brought out for her.

“A – a proposal?”

Lady Mary looked back at Anna.

“Well, it’s never a sure thing until he asks you the question, my Lady, but everyone has been anticipating that Mr Patrick’s visit this afternoon is when you will make your engagement official.”

Anna gripped the sheets of her – Lady Mary’s – bed as the words spoken to her sent her mind from a downward spiral into a complete freefall. Mr Patrick? The original heir of Downton, long thought to have perished in the icy waters of the Atlantic, not only lived, but was “anticipated” to be her husband?

If there had been any doubt of the utter wrongness of her situation before, it was completely gone now.

Anna did not know what kind of sorcery had been cast upon her to not only switch the lives of herself and Lady Mary, but to also send her back in time, but Anna knew that something must have happened to cause this. And, as impossible as it sounded, whatever that something was would need to happen again if Anna was to have any hope of going back to her old life.

“We really should get you dressed, my lady, or you’ll miss breakfast.”

The only way that was going to happen, though, was if Anna could get answers. And the only way Anna was going to be able to do that was learn as much as she could about this new life.

“Oh, yes, that – that would be a good idea.”

Anna untangled herself from the bed, trying not to trip on the bedsheets in her haste to get out, and almost ran into Lady Mary.

“Oh La – I mean, Mary, I’m so sorry!”

Lady Mary’s hands closed around Anna’s shoulders to steady her, and Anna noted the firm grip she had on her. It was different to the way Lady Mary – and really, until things righted themselves again, she should start to refer to her as “Mary” – usually touched her. There was a surety there that Anna was not used to, given that the other woman was sparing with her touch, but Anna found this trait in this ‘new’ Mary one she welcomed greatly.

“It’s quite alright, my Lady.”

Anna found herself looking up to meet Mary’s gaze and saw a disarmingly familiar fondness on the other woman’s face. It made Anna freeze in place and her breath catch.

“Ah, thank you.”

Mary kept a hold of her for a moment, regarding Anna silently before nodding and releasing her to fetch something else.

Anna let out a quiet breath as she realised what she would have to do next.

Heat rose in her cheeks as she started to undress, working the shift that she had worn during the night – which was far nicer than the ones that she usually wore to bed – over her head. It was an utterly bizarre feeling; she had seen her Mary – Lady Mary – in all manners of dress (and undress), and it never affected her. Anna could admit that her mistress was blessed with great beauty, however that fact did not stop her from keeping a steady head during her duties. This Mary – assuming she was as close to the Lady Anna of this new world as House Maid Anna was to the Mary of the other world – would no doubt have also seen her Lady Anna in all states of dress. So what did Anna have to worry about?

Anna placed the night shift on the bed, and was immediately draped in fabric again, this time in the dress Mary had chosen for her. Anna tried not to shiver as Mary smoothed the material of the dress along her shoulders. The touch was, again, not something Anna was used to from her Mary, and she found herself responding more enthusiastically than she ought to. For this Mary, such touches would be routine and automatic, and it would be best for Anna if she thought of this the exact same way. So Anna tried to distract herself by looking at her reflection in the mirror.

While she didn’t envy Mary her wealth, she had wondered once or twice what being in Mary’s position would be like. Seeing herself in Mary’s dress (although, Anna realised, it couldn’t be her Mary’s dress at all, as this one fit her body perfectly, and if it had, in fact, been exactly like Mary’s dress from the old world, the dress would have almost certainly dwarfed Anna’s shorter frame, given Mary’s slightly taller stature). It was an unfamiliar, but not unwelcome thing.

Mary then lead Anna over to her vanity, and set aside the earrings and necklace Anna would wear. Anna ran her fingers over an earring, one of a pair she would pick for Mary herself, before putting both of them in. She then stayed frozen as Mary stepped up from behind her to place the necklace around Anna’s neck. Anna tried to remain impassive as Mary’s breath puffed against the back of her neck, lifting the wisps of hair there. She watched Mary place the necklace carefully around her neck, and felt the slight brush of her fingers as she closed the clasp.

“There.”

Mary smiled at Anna in the mirror.

“Now he’ll have to say yes.”

Anna felt her stomach turn at Mary’s words. This was not a fantasy that her mind had conjured up, this was her very real new life. And if she wanted to return to her old one, with everything she knew and was familiar with, she could not forget that fact.

“Quite right, Mary.”

**

Cousin Patrick’s visit turned out to be far less eventful than Anna expected; while the whole household seemed to wait at attention for the entirety of the visit, Anna’s interactions with the gentleman himself were far more casual. They had luncheon, where the Crawleys relayed news Mr – Cousin – Patrick had yet to be privy to, and who in turn relayed news about visiting America in May. After the luncheon, when the family had parted ways, Cousin Patrick had taken Anna for a turn around the gardens, where he spoke candidly about the engagement. He needed to finish some business in America before he could do anything about marriage. Their engagement would therefore be tentative, but not official.

No proposal had been issued, and no ring was offered, to the great disappointment of the Crawleys. For Anna though, that brought with it conflicting feelings of relief and guilt. It confirmed what she had already suspected about the true events surrounding Mr Patrick and Lady Mary’s engagement; that it had not been formalised before Mr Patrick’s untimely end aboard the Titanic. It was, however, a guilt-laden experience for Anna, as she realised that this was likely the last time anyone at Downton would ever see Mr Patrick again, and that the reason she could know with certainty that she would not have to marry him was precisely because of that fact. And so while it was an almost earth shifting difference in experience to spend the day strolling through the estate as opposed to fluffing pillows and ironing bed linens, Anna did her best to be hospitable to Mr Patrick and extend what kindness she could to him.

It crossed her mind to try to warn him about his impending doom, and she had done so to no avail. Mr Patrick reassured her that his plans were for a month later than Titanic’s maiden voyage, and even if he did choose to sail at that time they would make the passage safely, as “nothing would be able to sink that ship.”

When Mary had dressed her for bed that night and tried to console her out of her morose mood by reassuring her that while the day did not end with a proposal, it was not a refusal either, Anna did not have the heart to correct her on the real reason for her glum state.

**

Months passed after that fateful day. Anna slowly adapted to her new life, and while there were things that still jarred her, such as understanding her relationships with the Crawleys as family members as opposed to employers, she was able to go about her day to day life with less trouble. It could rattle Anna’s nerves on occasion, when she would act a little too formally with one of the Crawleys, or too casually with one of the household staff, but otherwise she was able to take it all (mostly) in stride. At the very least, she was certainly enjoying the luxury of being able to sleep past six in the mornings.

It was the bond with Mary that Anna truly felt the difference in however; Lady Mary had few friends to speak of in the old world, and even fewer true friends. Having now spent time living the life of her Mary, she could truly grasp just how isolating it was. Being the eldest of the household, having Edith snipe at her every chance she could get (which Anna did her best not to rise to) and keeping an eye on Sybil, all while partaking in the activities of the social season, was far more taxing than Anna had ever given Lady Mary credit for.

It helped Anna appreciate the Lady Mary she had known even more than she already had before, and made the bond she shared with this world’s Mary all the more treasured. For it was this Mary whom Anna could say was her truest friend in this world. It made her wonder if this was what her Mary of the old world thought of their bond.

The months Anna spent as Lady Crawley was enlightening to say the least, however Anna was still no closer to knowing how to get back to her old life. That issue was brought to a head when the day that Anna had been dreading finally eventuated; the day when it was reported that the Titanic was lost to the depths of the ocean, with Cousin Patrick along with it.

“Mr Patrick might not have been onboard, my Lady.”

“Papa told me he had changed his plans.” As I knew he would, Anna thought grimly. “His name, along with Cousin James were on the passenger list.”

Mary pursed her lips in sympathy as she styled Anna’s hair for the evening, but remained silent. That was one thing that had remained the same between them; the Anna and Lady Mary of the old world would offer optimism and encouragement in the face of trouble, but not to the point of offering false hope. It was a small wonder that of all the things that could stay the same, it was their closeness that had remained. It buoyed Anna, and gave her hope she would find the answer she was seeking.

**

The epiphany came to Anna soon after that. Spurred on by the murmurings of a new heir to Downton that could safeguard both Lady Grantham’s fortune and the estate, Anna realised something incredibly important.

She couldn’t believe it had taken so long for her to realise it, but when she did, it seemed so obvious that she wondered how she had missed it.

Everyone from Anna’s old life had occupied the same roles as they did in this life – the only people who had undergone any change at all were herself and Mary. That was a fact that had struck Anna as particularly odd. What possible reason would a divine force – and Anna could not fathom anything but a divine force being at play at this point – have intended to affect just the two of them.

The more she thought about it, the more puzzling it became. There was still no obvious rhyme or reason as to why they were in this world, but Anna’s realisation was a big clue. Anna wasn’t entirely sure what it meant, but clearly it had something to do with her and Mary.

But what it could it be? Nothing had been amiss between herself and Mary before they had woken up to this topsy-turvy world they now inhabited. In fact the only thing that could explain it was…

But no.

Surely, no.

It couldn’t be.

And yet, Anna didn’t have any other explanation for it.

There were no other options, and time was marching on.

If Anna didn’t explore this, they could be condemned to living this bizarre existence until the end of their days.

As much as Anna had grown used to this new life, and seeing this other side of Mary, Anna had always known (hoped) that it would not be permanent.

It seemed almost selfish on the surface when Anna first thought it, but ultimately it would be best for them all if Anna proceeded with it.

That is, if it worked.

And if it didn’t, she hoped Mary would forgive her.

**

It was getting into the later hours of the evening after everyone had retired, and Mary was helping her get ready for bed when Anna decided to attempt what had been on her mind all day.

“Is there anything else you need from me, my lady?”

Anna turned to look at Mary; sweet, lovely Mary – guarded and stoic like the Mary from her world, and yet almost tender when it was just her and Anna.

Anna’s heart trembled at what she was about to do, but she had to do it now or she would never have the nerve.

“Yes, there is one other thing I need from you, Mary.”

Mary nodded and waited silently.

Anna looked away, steeling herself for what she was about to say. “I must confess that this is something that has been troubling me for quite some time.”

“Oh. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Anna quirked her mouth at that – the eagerness in Mary to help at a moment’s notice was usually heartening. This time, though, it made it all the more difficult for Anna to continue.

“It is incredibly selfish of me to ask this but -” Anna looked up to face Mary then, who was looking at her with the same concern Anna had seen that fateful morning, when she had first woken up in this new world. As pleasant as pulling teeth this experience might be for Anna, Mary needed to see the sincerity behind Anna’s words.

“You mean so much to me, Mary – more than I can put into words.”

And then, before her courage could fail her, Anna uttered more quietly, almost breathlessly, “More than a mistress should care for her servant.”

Mary grew very still at Anna’s confession, and Anna felt like her chest was going to cave in on itself. The air in the room suddenly felt too thick, and breathing now felt like agony. Anna needed to salvage this, quickly.

“I’m so sorry to put you into this difficult situation -”

Anna’s words were cut off by a hand sliding into hers. Anna looked up at Mary, utterly thrown by the other woman’s sudden proximity. It was as though she had blinked and Mary had materialised before her from the other side of the room.

If breathing had been difficult before, it became almost impossible as Mary pinned Anna in place with a burning gaze that made Anna shiver.

“If what you are saying is true, my la – Anna,” Mary said softly, “Then I would be the happiest woman in the world.”

Anna let out a shuddering breath. The hardest part had been done, and Mary was still here, still holding her hand, still -

Moving towards her.

Closer, closer, just about to erase the distance completely between them, when Anna turned away. The puff of Mary’s shaky exhale brushed her cheek. Mary made to pull away, to retreat, but Anna held her fast. She couldn’t allow Mary to believe this was rejection.

“If you do this, it cannot be because I, as your mistress, desire it.”

The anguish that had tinged Mary’s gaze faded and was replaced with a renewed resolve. She drew close once more, a hair’s breadth apart from Anna and said, “If I do this, then you cannot accept it as a servant fulfilling her duty.”

The last of Anna’s hesitance fell away then, and she surged forward, dissolving the last of that aching distance to finally, finally, press her lips to Mary’s. Soft, so soft, and so right. Anna reached up to caress Mary’s cheek and jaw, sighing as they moved against each other. Anna could never understand people’s perception of Mary being a cold unfeeling figure, when the reality was that she was gentle, yielding, and so full of warmth and life, the heat of her thrumming under Anna’s touch. It was enough to make Anna’s head spin.

When they broke apart, the spinning didn’t stop.

Anna gripped at Mary’s shoulders, trying to ground herself as the spinning worsened. Her mind was growing foggy and heavy, and Anna was struggling to keep her eyes open.

“Mary, do you –?”

“Anna, I feel –”

Anna found herself slumping forward, further into Mary, who didn’t stop her.

She had sunk to the floor, and Anna soon found herself joining her, the fog in her mind completely taking over.

The last thing Anna saw were Mary’s lips moving to say her name.

“Anna...”

**

It felt like an eternity when Anna finally woke up, and another, smaller, eternity for her to orient herself in the waking world.

When she stirred, she heard a quiet, rhythmic breathing not far from her. Upon opening her eyes, Anna saw the burning red of Gwen’s hair, spilled out on the pillow of the bed across from Anna’s.

Anna remained frozen in her bed – it was her bed – and thought back to the dream she had the night before.

It had felt so real. A life so different, yet so similar to the one she had in her waking moments. One where she and Lady Mary had –

No.

It was just a dream.

Anna sat up as she heard the distant sounds of Mrs Patmore and Daisy already in the throes of the morning work. A quick glance at the bedside clock told Anna there was no time for a snooze before it would ring anyway. Time for her to start the day.

**

The first few hours passed in a blur – after being at Downton for so long, Anna could complete her duties without a second thought. Which was fortunate, as she found herself utterly preoccupied with thoughts of the previous night’s dreams.

There were little details that stayed in her mind, so strong that Anna couldn’t shake the feeling that they were things she had lived rather than dreamed. It unsettled her to feel like she had knowledge of things a woman of her class shouldn’t know – like what the cakes Mrs Patmore was making for tea really tasted like, how smooth the silk dresses the Ladys of the house wore felt draped over her skin, how it felt to have someone else run their fingers through her hair so she could be ready for a special occasion.

No dream she had ever had in the past had been so vivid, had remained in her memory so long after waking.

The bell ringing below Lady Mary’s name brought her out of those thoughts, and she hastened to push them out of her mind. Her Lady needed her, and Anna wasn’t going to start her Lady’s day with her head in the clouds.

**

Anna stepped into Lady Mary’s room after being summoned in.

She was met with the sight of Lady Mary facing her window, but upon hearing Anna enter, she had turned to face her.

And everything hit Anna all at once.

The things she had dreamt the night before; Lady Mary in Anna’s uniform, Lady Mary fixing silk dresses across Anna’s smaller frame, Lady Mary’s soft mouth on hers...

Those weren’t elements of a dream, but of memories.

And as Anna took in the clear desperation, almost panic on Mary’s face, Anna realised she hadn’t been alone in that world.

She never had been.

Anna hastily closed the door behind her as Lady Mary stood up from her bed.

Fear the likes of which Anna had never seen on her Lady before was etched into Mary’s exquisite – a descriptor Anna had not let herself think of her Lady before– features as she approached Anna.

“Anna.”

“Ma – my lady.”

Anna tried to stop Mary’s name from falling from her tongue, but she knew, even as she covered it up with the title, that Mary had caught it. Caught her.

“It wasn’t just a dream.”

Mary came closer and Anna barely had the wherewithal to shake her head.

“No, M –”

“Anna.”

Mary was looking at her with a worrying mouth and frantic eyes, yet Anna could see a quiet resolution in her. Something Anna had always admired about her.

“Call me by my name.”

And Mary was moving closer, and Anna was finding it harder to breathe. She was finding that she almost didn’t want to.

“Mary.”

No sooner had Mary’s name passed Anna’s lips were Mary’s pressed against them.

Mary’s hands slipped along the back of Anna’s head and neck, and Anna’s gripped Mary’s waist as they lost themselves in the kiss.

“Oh Anna,” Mary breathed as she kissed along every inch of Anna’s cheeks, jaw and chin. Anna sighed, basking in Mary’s fervent attention. Anna ran her hands along Mary’s shoulders, finding delight in the fact that she was now free to do so.

Mary drew back and rested her forehead on Anna’s.

“Oh darling, what are we going to do?”

Anna’s heart soared even as her stomach sunk at Mary’s words. Darling had made sparks skitter across Anna’s skin, and even though despondence coloured Mary’s question, the fact that it was voiced at all gave Anna hope that Mary wanted a future with her.

Anna tilted her head back so she could meet Mary’s gaze. She leaned up to place a whisper of a kiss to Mary’s lips and held her tight to her chest.

“We’ll sort something out, Mary. I promise.”

A/N: I’m not sorry for the gratuitious use of italics in this.