#with so much of my daily experience being defined by the issues of like depression or avoidant anxiety

[talesfromthebandgeekmafia]

Tragedy is actually a really good genre I never actively seek it out but sometimes the catharsis that sadness brings is exactly what I needed to feel good

[oodlenoodleroodle]

Pretty much every mental health issue has a diagnostic criteria of "disrupts daily living" or something to that effect. There is often also a time length criteria.

"Everyone has obsessive thoughts sometimes" – but not everyone's lives are disrupted by them, therefore they do not have obsessive thoughts in the sense that we use the word to talk about a mental health problem.

"Everyone is depressed sometimes" – I really don't believe that every single person has felt a persistent low mood for weeks or months. It's normal for your mood to go up and down but the very thing that characterises depression is that it doesn't go up for a long time.

"Everyone gets anxious" – yes but not everyone has anxiety, which is a mental health problem defined by their anxious feelings disrupting their life. Everyone feels anxious but most people don't therefore stay home instead of going to do something they really really want to do.

"Everyone is traumatised" – everyone has experienced bad things in life, but not everyone gets traumatised by their experiences. It is a complicated system that causes some people to be traumatised and not others – even by the same event! People can be in the same event and one gets traumatised and another doesn't! I have had bad things happen in my life but I don't have to drag those things around me at all times the way traumatised people do, and therefore I am able to do things that traumatised people can't, I am able to live my life in a way traumatised people aren't.

.

If someone tries to dismiss your mental health issues by saying "everyone" has it, please know that they are wrong. Either they are using the word wrong, or they just straight up are wrong. If 20% of the population has the same illness, that is an enormous amount of people and really significant in terms of public health – but it is so so far from "everyone." It is still a minority. It is not "normal" to have that illness.

Mental illnesses are disabling. People who don't have them don't have that experience of being disabled by a mental illness and therefore it will be difficult for them to understand what it's like to be disabled by a mental illness.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello! I've been following you for a while and you've given really good insights about types (I was quite blown by the way you've been able to read into INFJ's shame and what not. It was really cool to read.)

Anyway, I am an ENTP and recently I've realized that my sense of empathy is rather odd…I am able to understand others, I can predict how certain things may affect others emotionally within logic, however my sense of empathy never truly reaches me. I know it sounds a little weird, but truly I find so hard to be moved by things that often move others, or to care beyond the basic courtesy. I can understand how and why someone feels in x way, however said empathy often comes from logic more than actually feeling in the shoes of others.

At the same time, I take my sweet time when it comes to understand my own feelings. Like, I can experience something that leaves me feeling weird and take a whole day, nap included, just to realize I'm kinda angry or sad or surprised. This inability to guide myself through my own feelings or even experience what others experience has caused me some troubles through the years, because of course, despite being able to read others, one is bound to fail or misunderstand at some point.

From running my mouth, having bad timing, to doing hurtful stuff that in my view were not hurtful at that moment (because I somehow reached the wrong conclusion in my attempt for empathy) I often find myself a little on the sideway when it comes to feelings of vulnerability, to the point I even end up pushing myself through stuff that makes me uncomfortable after I failed to understand I was weirded out on time; or even the opposite when I end up stating that I am really angry just to realize I didn't even cared that much.

The fact that I am a woman and people tend to expect women to be more sympathetic doesn't help either, so it's not rare for a group of people who knows me superficially to think that I am too reactionary/intimidating/out of reach/aggresive/harsh when in fact most of the time I'm trying to be friendly and outspoken, all while my inner circle define me as very lighthearted and even motherly. And, keep in mind, I am actually very adjusted socially, quite functional. I'm the type of person who will push through depression and very bad scenarios out of will which has been incredibly useful in dark times, but again I wonder if it was less will and more me not being vulnerable at all.

So, do you think this is some kind of failing in my Fe? Is this something that happens often to ENTP's or maybe I should check on other things like mental health etc? Do you have tips that could help me being more understanding of my own feelings? (Thank you before hand!)

-------------------

Generally speaking, the focus of therapeutic psychology is mainly on the individual. Behavior is labelled "problematic" when it causes pain and suffering and negatively impacts one's ability to live life in the manner one aspires to. It is a self-evaluation. Since you claim to be functional in daily life, there is no reason to believe that you have any mental health problem or disorder.

However, abnormal psychology is but one of many perspectives through which to understand the human mind. E.g. What about highly functional yet existentially unhappy people? What about people who live a comfortable life but still yearn? What about people skilled at brushing aside issues to keep moving forward in life?

These people might not suffer from any serious mental disorder, but that doesn't mean there isn't enormous room for improvement. The subfield of psychoanalytic psychology helps people get to know themselves more deeply. The subfield of humanistic psychology helps people understand and fulfill their needs better. The subfield of positive psychology was created to tackle subjects like: how to live a better quality of life; how to flourish and thrive; how to realize greater potential.

You've described a psychological "issue" that you struggle with at times, but not to the extent that it poses a serious problem. Whether this issue is common for ENTPs with tertiary Fe is not the right question to ask. If I say "yes", then what? If I say "no", then what? Unless your behavior is very harmful, it's not for me or anyone else to tell you that there's something "wrong" with you. I don't want to play the role of judge and jury.

The question boils down to: What, if anything, do YOU want to do about this issue? The motivation to change shouldn't come from me saying that there's something "wrong" with you, as though I'm your parent. You should have some kind of intrinsic motivation, stemming from deep within your own soul, to improve yourself and your life. Unfortunately, without this intrinsic motivation, many people end up choosing unhealthy paths to self-improvement.

From your description, you have the capability to be emotionally aware and empathetic. However, "capability" is different than "ability". A capability is something you can potentially do but perhaps lack the knowledge or skill or will to do well. An ability is what you possess after you've put in the necessary hard work to learn the knowledge and skill required to do something well.

Of course, there are certain capabilities that are harder to develop for some people than others due to genetic predisposition. But this shouldn't be a barrier for anyone seeking personal growth for the right reasons. When you have the right intrinsic motivation, you understand that self-improvement isn't about being "the best" but about being a better you.

At any point in life, you get to choose to be a better you by turning your capabilities into abilities, by realizing more of your potential. To be clear, there's nothing "wrong" with refusing to. However, when you refuse, are you making the choice consciously, fully aware of the implications? Refusing essentially means you will never truly know that aspect of yourself nor see its benefits. And then you are likely to feel a strange "hole" in your existence, as though part of you is missing.

How does this relate to tertiary Fe? Generally speaking, people have plenty of capability or latent potential with the tertiary function. However, to develop latent potential and learn how to use the tertiary optimally requires a lot of difficult self-work. Why is the tertiary difficult to develop? Two main reasons:

1) It can only come after sufficient auxiliary development, which is hard enough. It sounds like your grasp of Ti is average at best, perhaps immature but not unhealthy. You use Ti in its most basic form to understand and solve problems, including human problems. However, it seems you haven't yet learned how to use it optimally to turn your capabilities into abilities.

2) People often don't understand the true value of the tertiary function and perhaps even unconsciously resist developing it in the right way. Most people use it merely as a tool to gain some egotistical advantage but then discard it whenever it becomes inconvenient. Does this not encapsulate your relationship to emotional life?

Chasing the good aspects while rejecting the bad means you don't have a full appreciation of the function. If you care about Fe, which includes having a healthier relationship to your emotional life, then you must learn to appreciate its true value and WANT it. Nobody can convince you or force you to develop a function that you overlook, ignore, or disdain as it suits you.

Gender may or may not play a role depending on how you choose to react to societal expectations. Rebellion against gender norms is sometimes necessary to promote fairness and equality, but it can also work against you, if you just end up resisting or rejecting things that are good for your personal growth.

As explained in the guide, type development is about improving your self-awareness, with the implication being that knowing yourself better allows you to make better judgments and decisions in life. It is entirely your decision as to whether you're going to: stop devaluing Fe; become more aware of its role in your psychology; accept and embrace its presence with both its positive and negative aspects; and fully integrate it into your way of being.

If you choose to take your personal growth in this direction, your emotional awareness will certainly improve which in turn will help improve your empathy for others. I've explained before that empathy requires both the cognitive and emotional components to work at its best. So far, you have favored the cognitive (as it relates to Ti) and been resistant to the emotional (as it relates to Fe). Rectifying this imbalance requires proper auxiliary and tertiary development, such that they complement rather than interfere with each other.

I've already written about emotional intelligence and recommended books that provide advice for self-improvement. The tools already exist, so it is a matter of study and practice. You say you want to be more understanding of your feelings but then your actual behavior toward feelings suggests otherwise.

For example, instead of being patient and vulnerable and listening to feelings in order to become more aware of them, you treat them as alien or as a nuisance, unwilling to take full responsibility for them. In terms of type development, it is this kind of ambivalence that keeps people stuck in a rut.

In short, is your question really about whether you "can" do it, or is it really about whether you have enough will to change and grow? Until this is clarified, your true purpose remains muddled, and that will continually limit and slow your progress.

[scarlet--wiccan]

I’m still meh about marvel. I believe that teddy and billy are still underdeveloped characters that are being used as a golden ticket for Disney. I feel like they’ve both ‘lost’ traits about their personalities and are very attached to each other, this is being used in a devious way imo… also they’re comics biggest lgbtq+ couple yet it doesn’t seem like it, more tokenised. Forever stuck together in infinity comics. I wish the best for them, I do for the whole maguns family but I can’t help but be sick of the way marvel treats them. Like also tommy, I think luna has more appearances than him lol. There’s so many cool things they could do but don’t, explore dynamics, re write retcons exc.

I mean you’d think billy would be really mentally unwell fighting these wars in space. Plus the identity issues both the twins would have. Marvel could do so much yet decide not too. I just feel melancholy when it comes to billy and teddy these days. I feel like it’s gonna get worse, especially since the mcu is trying to adapt ‘billy’ but in the most horrific way. I’d love to hear allan heinbergs thoughts on that lol. But yeah I don’t mean to be sappy, I just feel meh when I think of the missed opportunities and the way disney/marvel is treating them. bland in its nature.

While Billy and Teddy have never reached A-list status, I wouldn't say they've been underutilized. They are the only characters, along with Kate and America, to succeed as breakouts from Young Avengers, and they were consistently employed by Al Ewing for, like, six years, with an actual continuous storyline that spanned multiple titles and a major event. That doesn't happen for many characters, and I'm sorry, but that's not tokenizing to me. They had a really strong arc and were written by multiple authentic voices. They have been more out of the spotlight lately, but they're also coming back soon in Guardians. I'm not saying you shouldn't be critical, but I'm honestly grateful that the 2010s worked out as well as they did, and I try to remember that until very recently, championing LGBT characters was an uphill battle at Marvel. In many cases, it still is.

Of course I want to see more of them, and of course I want there to be more follow-through on the implications of the Kree-Skrull Alliance. I loved Empyre and there's really not much I would change about that story, but it created a lot of loose ends and open questions that haven't been resolved yet, and that is frustrating. That's kind of the theme of the last couple years, though-- my main frustrations with Krakoa are very similar.

Regarding Billy's mental health, I'd rather see him demonstrate growth and healing than continue being defined by his depression, and to their credit, Ewing and Oliveira illustrated that pretty clearly on multiple occasions. We know that Billy still experiences these challenges, but we also know that he's better equipped to work through those challenges than he was in CC or YA-- and that resilience translates literally into more powerful magic.

I feel similarly about Wanda, and in both cases, it's a fine line to tread. You want to show hopeful futures, but you don't want to diminish the reality of the situation-- and in Wanda's case, the desire to repair her character from ableist, sexist writing can make it difficult to linger on her mental health. Ideally, there would be more time and space to show these characters going to therapy or putting in the daily effort of recovery, but unfortunately, that's not the sort of thing that gets prioritized in limited pages.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi!

So im doing a research project on DID in class and wanted to get some opinions and personal opinions from people who actually have DID, rather than exclusively relying on medical info. So, if you'd like to pass this on to your followers, I have some questions.

(Specifically only for people with DID in this case, just since that's what I'm researching, I know there are plenty of other ways to be plural)

-what is, in your opinion, the best way to summarize DID? like, describe it in 1-2 sentences briefly.

-what is it like living with DID? Any details are appreciated

-what is something that is unlikely to be found on medical websites that is good to know and add to my project?

-anything else you want to add

Answer as many as you want

I hope this is okay to send here

Hello! We’re diagnosed with DID, so we’ll gladly answer these questions and encourage our followers with DID to do the same!

[1] As we’d define it, DID (dissociative identity disorder) is a mental disorder characterized by dissociation and two or more separate self-states or personalities in individuals with a history of repeated childhood trauma.

[2] Living with DID is certainly challenging. We deal with lots of memory issues and daily amnesia, trauma flashbacks, a lack of a sense of self and identity, and lots of depersonalization/derealization. Our DID has in some part caused us to develop other mental disorders like depression and anxiety, and we have trauma-induced psychosis as a result of our trauma history which caused us to develop DID.

There’s also been lots of good moments that have come from our disorder. Being a system means we’re able to support, uplift, and be there for one another inside. We’re working on developing a sense of inner-community and showing each other compassion and respect. It’s a work in progress, and we rely on therapy, meds, and our spouse to help us progress and improve!

We made a post on what a typical day looks like for us as a system if you’d like more info - you can check it out here!

[3] That DID systems are people, not merely patients, test subjects, or statistics. We’re not problems to be solved and we’re more of a danger to ourselves than to society at large. DID is widely misunderstood and heavily stigmatized in society, and media often frames us as violent, evil, or incapable of taking care of ourselves - all of which could not be further from the truth. It’s up to us as individuals (singlets included!) to educate ourselves on plurality and dissociative disorders so we can break down negative social stigma and push towards awareness and equality for systems of all sorts!

[4] Nothing else to add, but good luck on your research project! We hope some of this info is useful for you - keep in mind that what we’ve shared are our opinions and perspectives as just one DID system. Other systems may have differing experiences and worldviews!

Thanks so much! And to our followers with DID, please feel welcome to answer these questions to help this asker collect more information for their project!

🌸 Margo and 💫 Parker

[avisheena]

Let’s Cut the Bullying Loop

As a passionate young woman advocating for world issues, including human rights and world peace, I am determined to make a positive impact. Having personally experienced bullying at the age of nine, I am deeply concerned about the harmful effects of aggressive behavior on individuals everywhere. This inspired me to create the "Cut the Bullying Loop" project, aiming to prevent and break the cycle of bullying through social media. With unwavering determination, I aim to reach a vast global audience through my powerful writing, sharing thoughts, personal experiences, and insightful recommendations on bullying prevention. My vision is a world where kindness prevails, and every individual feels valued, respected, and safe in their uniqueness. I strive to shatter the pervasive cycle of bullying with the unyielding force of empathy and unity.

According to reliable sources, we must first understand what bullying is, the different types of bullying, and how it affects our daily lives. Then I’m going to share with you my tips on how to deal with bullying.

Referring to Wikipedia, Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate, or intimidate another person. The action is frequently repeated and habitual. Bullying is a subcategory of aggressive behavior characterized by the following three criteria: (1) hostile intent, (2) imbalance of power; and (3) repetition over a period of time. Bullying is defined as repeated, aggressive behavior intended to harm another person physically, mentally, or emotionally. Bullying can be classified into several types, including physical bullying, verbal bullying, cyberbullying, sexual bullying, relational bullying, and prejudicial bullying (Vinney, 2021). All of the above categories can have a detrimental effect on a victim's physical and mental health. According to mentalhelp.net, there are some risks that bullying victims may experience. In the short term, it causes anger, depression, and anxiety, which leads to an inability to develop and recognize one's own potential and a sense of worthlessness. Long-term effects include avoidance of new social situations, hypersensitivity, a desire for vengeance, difficulty trusting people, self-esteem issues, and an increased incidence of continued bullying.

Speaking of bullying, I've been in that situation before, where I was harassed and insulted by others. I know how it feels, and it has left an imprint on my heart and memory. I won’t let it happen to anyone else. It pains me greatly to know that people have been treated in the same way as me, or even worse. When will it end? Reporting or asking for help doesn't mean you are weak. I'm sure most people would agree with that. The problem is that some victims are afraid to talk about it, to tell people they trust. It’s a serious issue that requires the attention of those who are familiar with the situation. I understand why they keep quiet, because I was one of those people who did nothing to help themselves. I knew I was in danger, but I was too afraid to tell my family what was going on. I didn't want to burden them or make them spend too much time worrying. I considered the possible outcomes or consequences of telling the truth, and I was hesitated to seek help...but I was mistaken. I'm not that strong; I need help. Then I told my mom about what had happened, and she gave me her support. I realized I needed to stand up for myself at that point. I made that moment my life lesson. I successfully turned it into motivation to keep going and be consistent by being myself, doing more good things, and growing every day. I'm attempting to find the positive in the midst of this horrible situation. Most importantly, I refuse to be like those who mistreated me.

So, how do we deal with it? Here are some tips from me to consider based on my own experience:

Self-awareness. Recognize the signs of bullying and how it affects you emotionally and physically. By being attentive to the signs of bullying, you empower yourself to respond effectively. 

Empowering ourselves. Focus on building self-confidence and resilience. With persistence, you can develop a strong foundation to face the challenges of bullying and other adversities in life.

Setting boundaries. Firmly tell the bully to stop their behavior, explain that what they are doing has no effect on you and will only cause them grief and sorrow if they continue. Establishing boundaries may deter further harassment, and by taking this step, you are showing your generosity. Make a favorable impression on the bullies.

Ignoring the bully. If it’s not physically threatening, ignore the bully’s behavior and not react emotionally. Bullies often seek a reaction, and not giving them one may deter their actions. They want to take away your power, make you fearful, and make you feel low. Do not, ever, let them take away your power!

Seeking Help. If you feel threatened and believe you are in serious danger but are unable to deal with it on your own, seeking help is an excellent option. It can be scary to discuss it with people we trust because we fear they will see us as weak. However, this is not the case; people will listen and support you. Seeking help not only assists us but also makes us feel safe. You should tell a trusted adult the truth right away; do not wait for the right time!

Build a support network. Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who can uplift and encourage you during difficult times.

Remain positive and educate others. Raise awareness about bullying and its impact. Encourage discussions and educational initiatives to foster a respectful and inclusive environment.

It is important to be firm with yourself as well as with bullies. Being firm with them does not imply allowing them to engage in bad behavior; rather, it means caring for others while also remembering that you need to take care of yourself. You are not alone; there will be someone to help you. There are numerous ways to encourage yourself to talk about it and seek help.

To sum it up, I want you to be fearless. Be willing to talk about what happened to you and tell someone you trust. Be fully cognizant of your surroundings and maintain respect for everyone, even the bullies. Remember, we don't know what they might be going through in life that led them choose harmful actions. In other words, never stoop to their level. Instead, strive to be a better person and rise above negativity. Show kindness and understanding, and work towards a world there compassion and empathy prevail. The information presented here is intended to be useful for those who read it.

I am an anti-bullying and anti-violence fighter; I hope we can work together towards eradicating such heinous behaviors.

[centrally-unplanned]

The Liminal 90's of River's Edge

River’s Edge, a 1993 josei manga by Kyoko Okazaki, is something I picked up primarily due to hearing through the ‘net-vine of its influence on FLCL. Which is clearly there – adrift teens smoking on a bridge?

A smog-belching factory defining the grim normality of the town they live in, whose purpose is commented on to be unknown to the characters?

FLCL is a hodgepodge of cultural symbols and River’s Edge certainly part of the, uh, hodge. The parallels end there though – River’s Edge is *peak* josei in that it is utterly engulfed in the edgy drama of its high school protagonists. There is no way around the fact that this just isn’t a very good story, when it has plotlines such as boyfriend of Haruna, the main character:

1: cheating on her with her close friend,

2: which they do while doing hard drugs together,

3: resulting her getting knocked up,

4: which her hikikomori sister finds out via reading her diary (the 90’s!)

5: prompting them to get into a *knife fight*, the wounds of which abort the baby

And that is the most tame of these plotlines, trust me. By the time the gay character’s fake-but-she-doesn’t-know-it girlfriend *immolates herself* for attention you are willing to flee to the nearest monastic order to just chill out for life. This manga is 14 chapters y’all, you can finish it in under an hour, there is not enough character screen time to justify this level of drama. Its a classic early-adolescent fiction problem; your first time hearing about sex and death is so cool! So *real*! But once the novelty wears off there are no characters underneath, the shock is a magician’s misdirect so you don’t notice the hollowness behind the curtain.

We also forget how much the digital revolution has changed art in fast-paced, low-cost genres like manga by allowing consistency and polish; Okazaki is an accomplished, well known mangaka and some of these panels are so messy and detail-less:

Which isn’t a criticism per se as this was what the genre looked like at the time, and much of the art is great, but it's just to say overall this isn't a visuals-first affair. It relies on writing that just doesn’t deliver.

------

At least most of the time, because in its overwhelmingly maudlin current are ripples of some really good moments. My standout is when the narrator voice goes poetic, setting up a repeated motif:

Even as it is a bit cheesy this motif still spoke to me, the “flat battlefield”, the power of that phrase the story imbued into it. A fight with no contours to its course, no metrics to measure victory by? You don’t need to experience a knife-fight abortion to get that struggle, my daily mundane life is that (obliquely, through a certain lens at a certain time when the mood is just right/wrong). That is the universal feeling of ennui and social displacement these kinds of stories aim to have empathy for, and that the rest of this story failed to achieve. And credit where it is due – main girl Haruna, who narrates this and through whose eyes most of this story happens, doesn’t really have much drama at all in comparison to her peers. While they do insane shit she just watches and helps where she can from the sidelines, defined by her listlessness as opposed to everyone else’s tragedy. The flat battlefield is exactly the kind of pain someone like Haruna would feel – this arc works.

From the social critic lens, what I think is more notable about this story is what it does not contain. Its universal aspirations are betrayed by how utterly of its time it is. River’s Edge falls into the edgy-punk sphere, but original punk was defined by its targets - The Man, The Establishment, the polluted cityscapes and imprisoned activists, Thatcher’s & Reagan’s right wing triumphalism, original punk knew what it stood against. In the post cold-war, mass-culture era of the 90’s, however, the appeal of those causes faded – how could things so distant and so temporal be the cause of such deep personal ills? It's often said that Japan predicts America’s cultural movements ten years out, but in this case it was right on time – 1993’s River’s Edge flows neatly alongside the 90’s American counterculture void.

But we no longer live in those liminal 90’s, that void between the intensity of the 60’s+ social revolution and today – we now have causes, but they are, ahem, as personal as they are political. Sad edgy teens are no longer sad or edgy – they instead fall somewhere on the Depressed/Oppressed axis, their condition diagnosed. Alienation is now a mental health issue (with treatments, certainly always effective yep yep, criminally underfunded and denied to those who need them), gay teens struggle for acceptance as a political cause. Even if the problems are inwardly focused, the solution can be translocated outward – change media, change language, change executive leadership, only then can the struggle be resolved. It’s the grand cycle of history – the teen edginess is activist again, even if the targets are wildly different.

River’s Edge never mentions the word ‘depression’. No one mentions therapy, or acceptance, or really any solution to their various problems - the problems are experienced internally but exist externally, a world broken only by a vague sense of ‘modernity’, if anything at all. The language in which this state of mind is discussed is now antiquated, a sort of radical acceptance of hopelessness as the natural state of man. Its aspirations to universalism have already been left in the dust of the changing times, an ill-fitting, out-of-fashion way of thinking even as Depression Fics dominates its former niche.

Which is why this otherwise-silly story still spoke to me, as I still resonate with that way of thinking more than anything else in vogue. I keep being told something is out there, but all I ever see is an endless horizon - and I am glad to once again share the view.

------

Anyway, happy 30th anniversary to Smells Like Teen Spirit!

[angelmichelangelo]

As a fellow ex phan here for the drama, tell me why you dislike Dan hehe I want to see if it's the same reasons I have

oh ive been waiting for this lmfao

there’s an entire plethora of reasons as to why i now find dan rather unbearable. i’ll go ahead and say my experience in the phandom was not a particularly good one. and maybe that tainted my view? probably. but it also contributes in a fair enough way for me to go “yeah, this guy ISNT great”

one reason that i’ll start with is: his fanbase. this man is literally the equivalent to a wet yoghurt lid. flaccid and useless, literally nothing about dan is special in any way. he’s not funny, he can’t act. his style of videos is very outdated (hence why he probably won’t return to story times any time soon) and yet.. the phandom will suck his dick for so little in return. he wrote a mental health book? because he suffers with mental health issues? okay. once i was constipated so now i guess im a doctor of the bowels. his humour is… god. it’s fucking horrible. he’s literally stuck in 2014 with his “im a walking funeral” jokes and “i wear black like my soul” persona like damn you got the whole room laughing 😐😐 but of course, phannies will go feral for that shit and he believes he’s good at everything he does, so now we’re supposedly being cursed with a dan howell comedy tour so… thanks world, i guess. the whole class suffers mentality.

he takes zero accountability for anything and yet is often hailed as one of the unproblematic youtubers of his time. so okay, he didn’t fuck a cat or do any shane levels of terrible, but omg dan and phil ARE problematic. i don’t care or believe in cancel culture so like, it doesn’t matter, but dan and phil have done stupid, bad, shady shit in the past AND in recent years. they have bad management with their merch line, they fuck up orders and constantly rip off their fans and have never ever made a single comment about how badly it’s being run, or ever offered an apology to the people who have been ripped off. literally in the height of the pandemic phil was selling the most ugliest, most bland, primark looking ass pjs for like £50 or something stupid like that. and dan does the same. doesn’t give his fans any content but WILL charge you £40 for a walmart journal and some cards with loopy sparkly writing on it for your daily affirmations ✨✨ but phannies dismiss this because “it’s my money i can do what i like with it!!” like damn girlie get yourself a bank employee to help you it’s okay lol

he is a personality vacuum. this kinda ties in with my first point about him being a 2014 tumblr post in a white mans form but yeah. dude is straight up BORING to listen to. dnp worked as a brand, cool. alone they suck. literally phil is a buzzfeed machine that can’t stop making 😲 faces in ever thumbnail because god forbid he does something creative and original for once (spoiler: he’s not that funny either) and dan talks in this droll, monotone voice, sprinkling in a few edgy jokes then talks about sucking cock, then bitches about his sad, sad life (another spoiler: his life isn’t that bad like babygirl shut up) and then ANOTHER joke about how a dick in his ass (tasteful) and then tops it off with a joke about wearing black.. something something, he has depression and was closested so im not allowed to be mean to him. waaahhhh idc.

he also made jokes about having so much gay sex that he caught every disease possible whilst hosting a charity livestream for AIDS… and of course every phannie and their girlfriends wet themselves laughing whilst i was straight faced like. how is that remotely funny? but of course as it says in the phannie handbook of god: im now allowed to make comments about dan and his sexuality or however he decides to present himself on the internet because he has depression…………,,., even though Dan said in his depression video he doesn’t want it to define him. but alas, what do i know! im a bitter ex phannie who is mean and evil 🤧 he’s also made jokes about lesbians and also been pretty racist and never apologied or even acknowledged it. i think he just quietly deleted old videos and phannies were cool with it whilst in the same breath they were screaming about shane dawson for doing the same (and rightly so i hate his guts too btw)

he’s lazy, unfunny and pretty spoilt, imo. he has a “me, me, me!!!” attitude to everything and wants everything with very little effort on his end. and why do phannies go wild for it?? beats me. white skin and curly hair maybe? idk, i hope they find a cure for them soon ❤️❤️❤️

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Know Nothings, conspiratorialism and Pastel Q

As the Qanon prophecies fail and the cult-members struggle to resolve their cognitive dissonance, it's a good time to revisit the history of paranoid, conspiratorial political movements in American history - the "paranoid style" that has dominated since the Revolution.

After all, the very first skirmishes of the US war of independence were based on a conspiracy theory: that the levy on tea was a prelude to a sellout of the colonists to transnational mercantalist interests. US politics have always been conspiratorial.

I found Zachary Karabell's Politico history of the Know Nothing party especially useful, as it tells the story of what happens when surging, paranoid, fractious political movements implode.

https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/01/30/heres-what-happens-to-a-conspiracy-driven-party-463944

The American Party was a secret 19th century organization founded on a conspiracy theory: that Irish immigrants were secretly planning a takeover of the US on behalf of the Pope.

The American Party believed that the Irish were coming for their jobs, and for the very culture that defined America. They circulated rumors about nuns engaging in ritual infanticide and sex-trafficking teen girls. The Qanon parallels are strong.

The American Party (later the Native American Party) started off in the shadows. If anyone asked a member about the organization, they'd say "I know nothing," which is how they came to be called the "Know Nothing Party."

The Know Nothings became a political force thanks to the vacuum left behind by the implosion of the Whig party. The KNs promulgated anti-immigrant laws that promised preferential access to jobs for native-born Americans.

But the KNs were unhinged, riven by infighting, and, after a decade and a half, they basically vanished from the American political landscape, mostly absorbed into the new Republican party.

Their legacy is mixed - on the one hand, the simmering xenophobia expressed as concern for jobs and culture on the right; on the other, the roots of the trade union movement.

For Karabell, the Qanon colonization of the Republican Party is an echo of the rise - and fall - of the Know Nothings, as a mix of conspiratorialism, legitimate anti-corruption grievance, and xenophobia triggers a collapse.

Dismissals of conspiratorial movements - for example, stories that blame Big Tech's "algorithmic radicalization" mind-control rays for conspiracism - treat conspiracies as being rooted in ideas, rather than the material world.

That's a mistake - and it's one that gives conspiracists far too much credit. Conspiracies don't take hold because Alex Jones or Marjorie Taylor Greene are so good at explaining them that they cloud their victims' minds and bypass their critical faculties.

After all, Jones and Greene are fucking idiots, not super-geniuses.

What they tap into - what predicts the rise of conspiracy - is experiencing real conspiracies that hurt you and the people that you love (another word for "real conspiracy" is "corruption").

A really striking essay about this is Snowden Stieber's "This Secret Message Could Change Your Life!" - about evangelical Christianity, wellness culture, conspiratorialism and "pastel Q" (the Instagram-spread, female-coded Qanon flavor).

https://wisetendersnob.medium.com/this-secret-message-could-change-your-life-wellness-culture-jesus-and-qanon-cd576e53c9c8

I was especially struck by the connection between "alt-nutrition" philosophies and conspiratorialism. The thing is, our food advice really has been corrupt: as Gary Tabues wrote about in his 2002 New York Times essay, "What if It's All Been a Big Fat Lie?"

https://www.nytimes.com/2002/07/07/magazine/what-if-it-s-all-been-a-big-fat-lie.html

Taubes describes how the familiar "food pyramid" that advised eating lots and lots of carbohydrates while eliminating fats had been bought-and-paid-for by Big Ag, and how that advice had triggered an obesity epidemic.

Taubes's essay hit me square in the gut. I was a fat kid, with fat grandparents, and a mom who'd fought her weight all her life. As I hit my thirties, I was assiduously eating pasta and bread (with margarine) and other low-fat, high-carb food, and getting fatter and fatter.

After reading Taubes, I switched to eating high-fat, high-protein, near-zero-carb. After a couple weeks, all my cravings disappeared. A year later, I was 100lbs lighter - without any additional exercise, on a diet of steak, cheese, and cream lattes.

I've gained about 50lbs of that back in the intervening years, 20+ of it in the past year. It's a source of real anxiety for me. I've got serious body issues, weight-gain-triggered depression that I manage, even as I exercise daily and count calories.

I couldn't keep up my all-steak diet - too much worry about my ageing body and the roasting planet - but its lesson stuck with me: corporations bought off the science of nutrition and made me miserable for decades and decades.

As Steiber writes, the people who fall into Pastel Q have had similar experiences: switching from the food and lifestyle choices that corporations and governments promote, and experiencing life-changing benefits.

The wellness movement isn't just a way for huxters to sell you supplements: it's also a response to corruption in dietary advice, driven by the commercial priorities of the increasingly monopolized packaged food, fast food, and ag industries.

Likewise, the Q conspiracy about rampant, elite, unaccountable child abuse is rooted in the real child abuse rings inside of "the Roman Catholic Church, Southern Baptists, Independent Baptists, Kundalini Yoga-centered 3HO, Shambhala Buddhism, Boy Scouts of America, college football programs, USA Gymnastics, high school sports, police departments, and US federal agencies."

Q may implode like the Know Nothings, but the corruption that gives conspiracy theories explanatory power will continue to spur new conspiratorial movements.

[nezumiismissing]

Control Through Culture and the Lack of It

Ok so before we get started here I would like to just give a big thank you to everyone who came to my panel during the convention all the way back in September and listened to me ramble out the first draft of this! We had some great discussion and everyone brought up great points that all came together to make this post happen, and it wouldn’t have been nearly as good without all of your input! I also profusely apologize for taking this long to get this done, but sometimes you have 18 college credits and 30 hours a week of work that have to come first! Now, on with the topic:

When we look at the city of No.6, we see a world that appears, for the most part, free of any defining cultural characteristics. It would appear, in fact, that as part of the city’s construction, what we would normally associate with such a society’s culture has been purposely removed as a factor in the citizens’ lives. The “removal” of culture as a contributing factor in the city of No.6 is highly effective in what it was meant to do; separating citizens from the “other” while reinforcing the identity of citizenship and treating it as not only a good thing, but the only acceptable way of being. In the minds of the citizens, this is a functional system, as they are the ones who have benefited from it, and they are able to live comfortable lives free of the suffering that is inflicted upon “others”, creating the sense that despite their internal differences, they still constitute a distinct group. But while at the citizens’ level they have been chosen as existing on the top, the picture is much different for those ruling the city. While the nonexistence of culture functions as a way to dehumanize outsiders and reinforce No.6′s position as superior (ie. it does not need culture to be a complete society), it also serves as a highly efficient way of making sure that the citizens are also unable to truly empathize with and care about the other citizens, or any other humans for that matter. Because the city is all they know, and they have been conditioned to not be able to understand anything outside of that context, the “othering” of those outside the walls by the citizens and No.6’s government becomes that much easier, as the understanding of “citizen” to those in the city is equivalent on some level to their understanding of being human, making anyone outside of the citizen category not only lesser, but also not fully human, and justifying the violence used against them for the purposes of supporting and expanding the city. In a less explicit way this is also functioning within No.6, as citizenship is viewed as a single, mostly homogenous group, and so it becomes impossible to view the lower classes as being treated unfairly. In their eyes, citizenship is equivalent to safety from injustice, and so any violence or mistreatment experienced by a citizen is justified based on their perceived noncompliance with the city’s norms.

By removing culture entirely from the picture, No.6 not only limits what its citizens are able to express in terms of art and politics, but also in their own self-expression and understanding of the human experience. This is probably most clear with Safu, who at the beginning of the story shows an almost complete inability to recognize and express basic human emotions in a way that would be seen as appropriate and useful to the average person reading/watching the story. This type of behavior, shown more subtly by several other characters throughout the story, distances us from them. While the lack of any existing social norms would usually allow space for us to impose our own norms onto the city, which in many cases is what happens, these micro level interactions, instead of coming off as a blank canvas for us to fill in, instead are just off-putting and strange, completely distanced from what we would recognize as a normal interaction, and that distance is perhaps the clearest example of culture we get to see in the story, as it reflects a set of norms that is completely separated and distinct from what we are used to seeing.

No.6 as an entity exists to alienate its citizens from the rest of the world, positioning them as existing “elsewhere”, and as being “other”, with No.6 existing as the “real” world. However once we, and Shion, are removed from this context, first through his meeting with Nezumi and again when he moves to West Block, we see that while No.6 exists as a template upon which to place our own social structures and systems, it is the “elsewhere” and “other” that I think ends up being more relatable to most of us. Even if we haven’t lived in extreme poverty or experienced much in the way of suffering, the West Block is a world that, more than anything, feels human. There is culture in the West Block; we see the food people eat and what an average day looks like for those who live there. We understand the issues that they face on a daily basis because they are concrete; hunger, violence, homelessness, much different from the highly technical and abstract problems facing those within the walls. There is diversity among this group, but there are still norms in place (no matter how questionable) that hold it all together in a way that feels organic and far removed from the isolated, expressionless world of No.6.

So, it should also be stated at this point that when I reference No.6’s “removal” of culture, this is not an entirely accurate description of what is happening. At its core, culture is simply social aspects of a group that differentiate it from another group, and that is something that can never be fully and purposefully removed. But what the city does do in order to replicate this effect is remove other groups as a point of comparison, leaving only one culture to be learned, accepted, and practiced. We can say that No.6 has no culture only because the citizens do not perceive that other people live any differently than they do. And as we see with Safu’s travels to No.5, as well as our own experiences learning about the city, the realization that other ways of living do exist completely shatters the illusion of No.6 as a perfect society, making its issues immediately clear. No.6 does have a culture. It is a culture of authoritarianism, nationalism, and isolationism. The city is to be worshipped and given absolute loyalty, to the point that social activities not in the city’s interest come with harsh punishments, and knowledge of anything outside of the city is limited only to those who have demonstrated an extraordinary level of commitment to the project, intentionally or not. While social norms and laws are generally viewed as overlapping but distinct, with many norms not legally enforced and many laws viewed as universal rather than cultural, in No.6 there is no such distinction.

So where do we, the reader/watcher, fit into this equation? I mentioned at the beginning that the lack of easily identifiable culture in No.6 is what makes the city and the story easily relatable to us, as we are able to layer our own culture and ideas on top of what is otherwise a blank city. But if No.6 does have a culture as described in the last paragraph, then where does that leave us? Now the easy answer here is that in recent times (including when the novels were originally written) many places around the world have faced an increase in the types of ideologies that make up No.6, and our viewing No.6 as a reflection of our own society shows an understanding (either implicit or explicit) that this shift in dominant ideology is occurring in the real world, that authoritarianism is still a prevalent part of our lives. But that answer is no fun, and is actually extremely depressing, so I’m going to point out some other aspects of the relationship between No.6 and our own world as well. 

Although the culture of No.6 does exist, it isn’t blatantly discussed or shown in a way that most people would traditionally associate with “culture”. We don’t generally treat government and political ideology as part of a society’s culture, as so much of our everyday lives is determined by norms and practices that aren’t necessarily directly dictated by political systems. This is why No.6, despite having such a strong presence, also feels so blank. It looms so large over the events of the story and yet, once we are outside of it, we see that it has basically no impact on everyday occurrences outside of its walls. Unlike the West Block, where we see so many of the things we associate with culture; food and music and marketplaces and so on; No. 6 just doesn’t really have any of these, and what does exist doesn't really have a distinct form separated from any other modern industrialized nation. It is easy for us to imagine then, that perhaps the people in No.6 live similarly to us, that they share many of our values and understandings of the world, and have the same everyday concerns that we have. So much of what we use to understand a society is just not mentioned that the story basically forces you to impose yourself and your worldview onto it. It forces you to take part in the story and forces the story to take a shape that makes societal critique impossible to ignore.

On the other hand, besides just having a feeling of being more “alive”, the West Block also has its reasons for being the more relatable of the two places, at least for a solid chunk of the people who are going to be experiencing the story. Despite the fact that the structure of No.6 is meant as a representation of the issues found within the modern industrialized world, the position from which we are seeing those issues is skewed. I have touched on this in my post about Getsuyaku, and will definitely go into more depth on it in the future, but outside of Lost Town, No.6 exists as an upper middle class utopia only. There is no room in their world for regular working people, or those framed as being “unproductive” in society, such as the elderly. While wealth is a complicated topic when talking about No.6, class is not, and it is clear that the ways in which class manifests are strikingly similar to the real world. So where does West Block fit into this? Well, the reality is that a significant percentage of the people reading or watching No.6 do not belong to the upper middle class, or even the middle class. A lot of us are working class or poor (or both depending on how you categorize classes), and even if the West Block is a somewhat extreme example, those people, along with those in Lost Town, have far much more in common with us than those living in the regular districts of No.6 or in the gated area of Chronos. So while the city may reflect our own society in significant ways, and accurately describes the “culture” of that society, it only does so through the lens of someone who is successful within that structure, leaving it “blank” and without culture for those of us who have not had such an experience and view that position as something completely distanced from ourselves, or that we only encounter from a subordinate position.

In the world of fiction, there basically are no rights or wrongs when it comes to writing culture. That’s kind of the point of fiction. And to a certain extent every story is going to have some aspect of the society it was written in in it, because culture is just an unavoidable part of every person’s life that dictates everything about how they see the world. But through the story of No.6 we get to see that influence from several perspectives, both within and outside of the story, showing not only a reflection and critique of our own society, but the ways in which the positions of the characters and ourselves changes how we perceive that reflection. Ultimately every society is controlled through culture, and systems are in place to in turn control how culture functions, creating an endless loop of changes and reinforcements. To, in any concrete way, remove culture from a society is a fundamentally impossible task, and yet the illusion of removal is very much real, created not through an active effort of removal, but through the elimination both of comparable groups and the perception that any culturally significant differences may exist within the original group.

I could probably go on, but I’m getting away from the main topic, so I’ll stop here for now. The topic of culture in No.6 is really fascinating and something I definitely want to write more on in the future, but it will have to wait until I finish a couple of my other drafts first! So like always thanks for reading  if you made it all the way to the end, and I will hopefully have at least a short thing done in the next couple of weeks or so!

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #389

“i’m well aware i’m a danger to myself  /  are you aware i’m a danger to others?”

How much do you weigh? Yeah, we're starting off on a bad foot. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Putting Roman's used litter in the trash. Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? Hm... I guess you could love them, but it'd be a complicated situation. What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? If it's purely for sport, from the very bottom of my heart, fuck you. Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? I'd say it's decently fast. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. My grandma lived there. Are you sensitive to caffeine? No. It does like... nothing to me. How do you usually get around? My mom's car. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? No actually, but I know I kinda am. What do you think about Kim Kardashian? I don't have an opinion of her. Can you speak any French? No. Favorite yogurt flavor? The only yogurt I've been liking lately is cookies and cream to add a different texture, because otherwise, I don't like its natural texture very much??? Idk man, my taste buds are wild. How much money do you have in your wallet right now? Just like $5. What bottled water brand do you like? Essentia. Your favorite way to eat chocolate? As chocolate bars, probably. How often do you listen to country music? Like, never. Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? Linkin Park. Last surgery you had? Pilonidal cyst removal. Have you ever played guitar? I briefly took classes for it in high school, yes. Best I got to was playing some of the intro to "Crazy Train." I enjoyed it, but not enough to be consistent and really learn. Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? I don't think so? What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? Independence and confidence would be nice... Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? No. Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? God no. I love my online friends. Half of 'em more than "irl" ones. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? I have to be VERY invested in it to care THAT much. It happened most recently when Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty premiered. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? Early in the morning. I'm in a better mood in the morning. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have a calorie-counting app, as well as one to track my period. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? My mom's, best friend's, and psychiatrist's. If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? I don't really know. Maybe the very first Pride event? Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it? Ride a rollercoaster, for one. I know I never will, though. I'm too afraid of throwing up, but even more realistically, I fear passing out before of the twisting and turning and just standing up makes me very dizzy. My blood pressure is STUPID low. What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? Have kids. That's a big 'ole fat no from me. Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? Twice at least. Are you well-known by people in your area? No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, thank Christ. It sounds terrifying. What's your favourite type of bird? Barn owls. Melanistic ones, to be exact. Stunning. What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? I'm only keeping up with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Have you ever dated a smoker? For less than a day. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. Besides the school band. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. Do you have separate emails for personal and business? No. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Multiple times. Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? I think once with my brother. Why did you last need to use a band-aid? I'unno. What fruit do you eat most often? Apples. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My ma. Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? A few times. I don't feel like thinking over this. Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? I've tried almond milk, and I hated it. If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? uhhhhhh idk When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? I'm essentially always in my room. If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No. Do you find piercings attractive? Yep. Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em. What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? Nothing beyond checking Jason's Facebook sometimes after the breakup, I think. Even that though I wouldn't recommend doing. You're just going to get yourself hurt. Stay away from exes' profiles. Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? Yep. I don't give a fuck what's in your pants, you don't hit anybody unless you're fighting to defend yourself. What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? I mean... define "old." I'll go with The Lion King for old, and for new, uh... Finding Dory, probs. Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. I don't really know what IS trendy right now... Is Snapchat still "in?" Because I've never gotten that. “Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? I think I'm kinda neutral about it? Like I mean it also depends on exactly what is said. I prefer more loving talk, though. What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? I'm a basic fatass that likes American cuisine most, aha... Like give me a cheeseburger and I'm happy lmao. How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? I love it more now at a short length than I ever did long. When it was long and I was in my deepest depression, I was awful about brushing it. It would get so knotted. Like looking back, it nearly makes me shiver. I HIGHLY recommend cutting your hair for anyone who struggles with selfcare. How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? I'm single, but hypothetically, if you're checking an ex's page nearly every day, I would not be okay with that. I'm totally fine with exes remaining friends and just cordially talking now and again, but that's it. It's a respect thing. Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? I personally like cologne if it's not overwhelming. I really don't care if you wear it or not, though. Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? This survey is so heteronormative. But anyway, unless there was an issue like it not fitting, I'd want my spouse to wear their ring. What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? There are a lot of reasons I don't want kids. I'm too selfish with my "me" time, I stress out too easily, I don't want to dedicate my life to keeping another person alive and fed and happy, I have bad genes... I could go on and on. I just wouldn't be a good, "present" enough mom. I am much more interested in ensuring *I* am okay. Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? Not at all. I mean I want a smooth and memorable wedding, but I'm not obsessed with it being perfect. Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? That's certainly not cheating, but I wouldn't like it. Being secretive about anything in a relationship is unhealthy, imo. I'd be hurt and also very insecure because I wouldn't feel like "enough." How old is too old for trick-or-treating? Honestly? I don't think you ever are. Like come on, does it REALLY matter? Let people have fun. I don't do it because of societal standards, but I would if I didn't care about being judged. Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? It depends on the temperature, but I normally wake up with them under. Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? I have an Ozzy one stored somewhere, but it doesn't fit me now. There was another I really liked too, but that one is WAY too small now. Fries or onion rings? Fries. I'm not a fan of onion rings. True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. Story of my life. I had one last night where I kept dying in different ways, and I actually felt the pain, like drowning in magma. Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah. What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? My mom has absolutely forbidden me to get a tarantula (uh, many tarantulas in my case) until I move out, lol. That doesn't stop me from checking Craigslist like every day. ;_; Have your parents ever caught you drinking? "Caught," no. Any time I've drunk, I've had permission or was a legal adult by then. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? First be humiliated at my appearance and then absolutely pass out lmao. Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? No, thank fuck. The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? If I know it's something they wouldn't do sober, absolutely not. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Any would be lovely, but the poem would appeal most to me because of the amount of thought that goes into poetry. Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? What? I don't think so, no. Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? Halloween. What was the first website you had an email account on? Yahoo. Have you ever written a fanfic? No. Tattoos or piercings? Both are grand, but tats win. What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? I saw this picture of a snake split open that had eaten another snake. Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? Lil cozy one! I don't want more space than is needed for cleaning reasons, as well as price. Do you have a tutor for anything? No. Who’s the best kisser you know? Jason was. Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? Ew, no. Do you have a deep voice? For a woman, yes. Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? Hi, I'm an adult. Is there a Sonic where you live? YES. It's my fave fast-food place. What do you like on your pizza? I have three go-tos depending on my mood: Pepperoni, jalapenos, or meat lovers.

[zenwords]

The 11 Most Common Myths About Highly Sensitive People

Unsurprisingly, given my sensitivity, I struggled to fit in when I was growing up in the loud and vibrant 1970s, a decade not known for its subtlety.

I was unbearably sensitive and relentlessly teased for crying or overreacting to things.

If I didn’t understand something the teacher was trying to tell me, I would start to cry. If friends didn’t want to play with me, I would cry some more. I would obsess over every single thing anyone said to me. Hardly surprising then that I was a lonely and friendless child as everybody must have felt they had to walk on eggshells around me.

There were countless anxious school lunchtimes when I clutched my plastic blue tray and agonized about whether or not anyone would sit with me. They rarely did.

PE sessions were another torture as, of course, the team leaders picked everyone but me for their team. I don’t blame them. I didn’t have the competitive and confident streak needed to win. My lessons were mostly spent sitting on a table alone, and break times were largely spent hiding from my exuberant peers.

I lived life through the lens of my heart. I couldn’t separate myself from anyone or anything. Lacking the ability to set boundaries, I didn’t know where I ended and other people began.

This theme of not fitting in continued into my adult life. If only I had understood earlier that I needed to stop trying to fit in. I needed to educate myself about what it really means to be a sensitive soul. Someone who notices things, reflects deeply, and cares about others and how they are feeling.

Dig deep enough and there are stacks of research out there to show being sensitive, feeling your way through life, is a strength. You understand that your empathy and intuition have healing and transformative powers and are a source of connection and creativity.

If you think being sensitive means being a shy ‘cry baby’ you have seriously got this wrong (though, yes, many sensitive people cry a lot). It’s just one of several common and frustrating misconceptions about sensitivity:

1. Sensitive people are all shy and introverted.

There are sensitive extroverts, too—about 30 percent of sensitives are extroverts. Sensitive people tend to need alone time to recharge after being in overstimulating environments, much like introverts, but they may still get energy from being around other people. Which means they need to find the right balance between social time and downtime so that they feel connected but not drained.

2. Sensitives are fragile, ineffective ‘snowflakes.’

Many defining characteristics of sensitive people, such as their empathy, passion, and creativity, make them exceptional business leaders or influencers on the world stage, for example, Walt Disney, Jacinda Arden, John Lennon, and Princess Diana to name but a few.

3. Sensitive people are pushovers who have no firm convictions of their own.

Empathy is a defining characteristic of sensitives, but it is not an endorsement of another person’s viewpoint; rather it’s simply respecting and listening to that viewpoint. You can validate and respect someone’s perspective and still choose to live by your own principles.

5. Sensitivity is a women’s issue.

Up to 50 percent of sensitives are men. Boys and men are often taught to suppress their emotions to appear tough, strong, and masculine, but this often causes depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem—because no one can choose not to be sensitive. They feel ashamed of their sensitivity but need to understand that real men do cry.

6. Gay men are prone to being sensitive.

This is a social stereotype that equates being gay with being more feminine and, as stated above, sensitivity is not a feminine issue.

7. Highly sensitive people are prone to depression and anxiety.

There may be an increased risk of anxiety, but depression is a medical condition that needs treatment and many factors contribute to the likelihood of experiencing it. Lack of self-awareness and acceptance, whether a person is sensitive or not, can also increase the risk of depression.

8. There is a strong link between hypersensitivity and autism.

Those with autism may well have sensory issues, for example, finding things like bright lights or loud noises overwhelming, but this does not mean that everyone with sensory issues has autism. There are major differences between high sensitivity and autism, but chiefly autism comes with ‘social deficits’ (less response in brain areas associated with empathy) and high sensitivity does not.

9. Sensitive people are too weak and self-doubting to become effective leaders, stand up to narcissists, or succeed in a harsh and critical world.

Not so. Once they are armed with self-awareness and the tools and techniques to turn their gentleness into a strength, sensitive people are an unbeatable force.

10. All empaths are sensitive.

Sensitive people are empaths because they feel what others feel. But not all empaths are sensitive, i.e. they soak up emotions but not all the other stimuli from an environment as sensitives tend to do.

11. Sensitive people need to ‘toughen up.’

They can’t, because being sensitive is who they are. They are born that way.

I used to buy into all these negative associations, especially the notion that a sensitive person needs to ‘toughen up.’ They simply can’t. It’s like telling someone who is taller than average that they should be shorter. Just as being tall is not a flaw, being sensitive is not a flaw. It is not an illness, or a choice people make, either. It is how they are born.

According to experts, it is an innate trait with research indicating that at least three sets of genes may contribute to it. Some highly sensitive people may have all or some of these ‘sensitive’ genes, and intriguingly all three impact the brain and nervous system in some way.

Sensitive people are born to be gentle and to experience life on high alert through the lens of their feelings and senses. They are not better or worse than anyone else, just different.

Although they may have traits in common, they are not all the same. Every sensitive person is unique, just as every person who is taller than average is unique.

Indeed, the fact that the genetic coding for sensitivity continues to survive natural selection suggests that for evolutionary reasons, for the survival of the human race, it is beneficial that some people can see, feel, and sense things others cannot. It offers an evolutionary advantage and exists, and will continue to exist, because it is the one true force that drives humanity toward greater connection.

Empathy, intuition, creativity, gentleness, and compassion are personality traits that unite rather than divide, and they are all defining traits of the highly sensitive individual.

In a nutshell, we are all born with a unique genetic code. The key to a fulfilling life is not to repress, deny, or try to hide our uniqueness but to make the most of what life has given us. If you are sensitive, it is essential that you understand this is not a weakness. Rather, it is a strength, and a potentially healing gift both for yourself and for the human race.

— Theresa Cheung

Theresa Cheung is a Sunday Times bestselling author. She has a Master’s degree in Theology and English from King’s College Cambridge. Her work has been featured in the Daily Mail, Daily Express, The Guardian and she has appeared on ITV, GMTV, BBC radio and Russell Brand’s Under the Skin podcast. Most recently, Theresa has set up her own podcast, White Shores, interviewing some of the world’s greatest minds and sharing inspiration on personal growth. More about Theresa here: www.theresacheung.com

[personalcoachingcenter]

Life Coaching is all about Improving Confidence

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Life Coaching is all about Improving Confidence

Coaching is the process used to transport people from where they are today to where they want to be.

Coaching can be a very empowering experience for both the coach and the person being coached.  It takes the right type of person to be a coach but we know how great it is to be able to help people achieve their potential. As a person being coached you can learn things about yourself that will help you to overcome self-limiting beliefs and take your life or business to that next level.

Our experience in business and leadership, along with our love of people makes us great coaches.  We focus on you and your needs. Our processes and systematic approach to coaching are designed to help you reach your goals in a timely manner. Our coaching intake questionnaire is designed to help us learn as much as possible about your so that we can focus on results during our coaching sessions.

Many people suffer from a lack of confidence. These people can be highly educated and talented. But at some point in their lives, they allowed negative feedback or situations to undermine their self-esteem and that has continued to affect their performance and success every day.

Over time this can lead to low self-esteem which can reduce the quality of a your life in many different ways. Unchecked, low self-esteem may even lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, sometimes with tragic results.

Depression and anxiety. Low self-esteem tends to work in a vicious cycle with other mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. … If you are someone who already lives with a mental illness, you may find that low self-esteem develops due to the social stigma surrounding mental illness.

When you work with a coach they can help you practice mindfulness and meditation to support the development of new neural pathways. If you consistently work with a coach that is positive you can learn more positive thinking and self-talk.

During our work with clients, we often give them an exercise on this topic and ask them to reflect on how their life and career would be different if they were more confident.

Your degree of confidence, called self-confidence, is the trust or faith that you have in yourself and your abilities.  Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself.

Realistic feelings of confidence and positive self-esteem affect how you think and act, how you feel about others, and how successful you are in life.

Having self-confidence does not mean that you can do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

Understanding Confidence and it impact on you

Self-confidence allows you to have positive yet realistic views of yourself and the situations in which you are involved. If you have self-confidence, typically you do not fear challenges, you are able to stand up for what you believe, and you have the courage to admit your limitations.

Most of us have areas in our lives where we feel quite competent while at the same recognizing areas where we do not feel at all confident. Having an accurate sense of self-confidence means you avoid behaving overconfident or reckless.  It means you are not afraid to take risks on tasks that you are able to do and you do not get paralyzed by the fear and anxiety when faced with things you want or need to do.

The good news is that we can rewire our brain with focused coaching and intention. And although your fears and limiting beliefs may not completely disappear, over time they lose their power over your daily thoughts and actions.

People with high self-confidence typically have little fear of the unknown, are able to stand up for what they believe in, and have the courage to risk embarrassment.  Losing confidence is no longer trusting in the ability to perform. It may be reasonable as the result of past failure to perform, or unreasonable, because one “just has a feeling” about something or is having doubt.

Many factors affect the development of your level of confidence. Parents’ attitudes are crucial to children’s feelings about themselves, particularly in children’s early years. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior.

However, if parents encourage children’s moves toward self-reliance and accept and love their children when they make mistakes, children will learn to accept themselves and will be on their way to developing self-confidence.

Surprisingly, lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Instead, it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Friends’ influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents and society in shaping feelings about one’s self.

Any discussion of confidence should include information on self-esteem. While self-confidence is the knowledge that you can succeed at something, self-esteem is the capacity to like and love yourself, and feel worthwhile, irrespective of all the ups and downs of life. It is your values, beliefs and personal philosophy by which you define your personal worth.

Someone with a healthy self-esteem simply likes himself or herself. A healthy self-esteem is not contingent on success because there are always failures to contend with. Neither is it a result of comparing ourselves with others because there is always someone better. With a healthy self-esteem, we like ourselves because of who we are and not because of what we can or cannot do.

On the other hand, low self-esteem fosters many unhealthy behaviors. Even though we might become aware of these behavioral problems, it’s often a difficult task to change them unless the root of the problem, low self-esteem, is dealt with first.

It is not natural for you to feel good about failure nor is it healthy for you to feel indifferent about it. Rather, it is healthy for you to feel bad about it. Feeling bad about a negative event can help you to think clearly about the event, to change it if it can be changed and to make a constructive adjustment to it if it can’t be changed.  But a warped sense of self-image can cause these emotions to become destructive; sadness can become depression, and healthy anger can become unhealthy. The more unhealthy our negative emotions become, the more it can interfere with our ability to think clearly, and the less likely we are to change our behavior in constructive ways.

Building Confidence and Self-Esteem

Challenges to our self-esteem  and confidence are a part of everyday life.  The important thing is to learn how to overcome failure and negative experiences.

Self-confidence and positive self-esteem can be learned.  This learning will involve changes, new behaviors, and will take time and energy. Building self-esteem and confidence is dependent on breaking old habits and developing new productive ones. A key habit that needs to be shattered is the habit of negative thinking. These thoughts are probably so ingrained into your mind that you assume that they are unchangeable, but they are not.  Learning how to acknowledge and deal with your negative thoughts is an effective way of starting to boost your self-esteem. Below are several suggestions for how you can begin to work on establishing better self-esteem and become more confident:

*Stop judging yourself by what happens to you in life, so you’re not basing your confidence on outside events.

*Forgive yourself and others for past mistakes. Harboring old grudges takes up a lot of time and energy you could be using in more productive ways.

*Learn to think differently. When you fall into self-criticism and unconfident thoughts, note them and change them to positive thoughts.

*Set goals on the basis of what you can realistically achieve, and then work step-by-step to develop your potential.

*Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are learned, not inherited. So lack of confidence does not have to be permanent.  Since lack of confidence and lack of positive self-esteem are both learned, they can be replaced by new learning.  Developing confidence and self-esteem are effectively facilitated by psychotherapy.

One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear.

It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think. The key question: how do you overcome that fear?

By working on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Without really thinking of it in those terms, that’s what I’ve been doing over the years, and that’s what helped me finally overcome my fears, and finally pursue my dreams.

I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But now I know that I can beat them, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the other side. I’ve done it many times now, and that success will fuel further success.

This post was inspired by reader Nick from Finland, who asked for an article about self-worth and self-confidence:

Many of the things you propose make people feel better about themselves and actually help building self-confidence. However, I would be interested on reading your input in general on this topic. Taking time out for your own plans and dreams, doing things another way than most other people and generally not necessarily “fitting in” can be quite hard with a low self-confidence.

Truer words have never been spoken. It’s near impossible to make time for your dreams, to break free from the traditional mold, and to truly be yourself, if you have low self-esteem and self-confidence.

As an aside, I know that some people make a strong distinction between self-esteem and self-confidence. In this article, I use them interchangeably, even if there is a subtle but perhaps important difference … the difference being whether you believe you’re worthy of respect from others (self-esteem) and whether you believe in yourself (self-confidence). In the end, both amount to the same thing, and in the end, the actions I mention below give a boost to both self-esteem and self-confidence.

Taking control of your self-confidence

If you are low in self-confidence, is it possible to do things that will change that? Is your self-confidence in your control?

While it may not seem so, if you are low in self-confidence, I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your self-confidence. It is not genetic, and you do not have to be reliant on others to increase your self-confidence. And if you believe that you are not very competent, not very smart, not very attractive, etc. … that can be changed.

You can become someone worthy of respect, and someone who can pursue what he wants despite the naysaying of others.

You can do this by taking control of your life, and taking control of your self-confidence. By taking concrete actions that improve your competence, your self-image, you can increase that self-confidence, without the help of anyone else.

Below, I outline 25 things that will help you do that. None of them is revolutionary, none of them will do it all by themselves. The list certainly isn’t comprehensive. These are just some of my favorite things, stuff that’s worked for me.

And you don’t need to do all of them, as if this were a recipe … pick and choose those that appeal to you, maybe just a couple at first, and give them a try. If they work, try others. If they don’t, try others.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. There have been days when I turned my mood around completely with this one little thing.

2. Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above … if you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable.

3. Photoshop your self-image. Our self-image means so much to us, more than we often realize. We have a mental picture of ourselves, and it determines how confident we are in ourselves. But this picture isn’t fixed and immutable. You can change it. Use your mental Photoshopping skills, and work on your self-image. If it’s not a very good one, change it. Figure out why you see yourself that way, and find a way to fix it.

4. Think positive. One of the things I learned when I started running, about two years ago, what how to replace negative thoughts (see next item) with positive ones. How I can actually change my thoughts, and by doing so make great things happened. With this tiny little skill, I was able to train for and run a marathon within a year. It sounds so trite, so Norman Vincent Peale, but my goodness this works. Seriously. Try it if you haven’t.

5. Kill negative thoughts. Goes hand-in-hand with the above item, but it’s so important that I made it a separate item. You have to learn to be aware of your self-talk, the thoughts you have about yourself and what you’re doing. When I was running, sometimes my mind would start to say, “This is too hard. I want to stop and go watch TV.” Well, I soon learned to recognize this negative self-talk, and soon I learned a trick that changed everything in my life: I would imagine that a negative thought was a bug, and I would vigilantly be on the lookout for these bugs. When I caught one, I would stomp on it (mentally of course) and squash it. Kill it dead. Then replace it with a positive one. (“C’mon, I can do this! Only one mile left!”)

Know yourself and you will win all battles. – Sun Tzu

6. Get to know yourself. When going into battle, the wisest general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the enemy without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative self-image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. Get to know yourself well. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about yourself, and about the thoughts you have about yourself, and analyzing why you have such negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about yourself, the things you can do well, the things you like. Start thinking about your limitations, and whether they’re real limitations or just ones you’ve allowed to be placed there, artificially. Dig deep within yourself, and you’ll come out (eventually) with even greater self-confidence.

7. Act positive. More than just thinking positive, you have to put it into action. Action, actually, is the key to developing self-confidence. It’s one thing to learn to think positive, but when you start acting on it, you change yourself, one action at a time. You are what you do, and so if you change what you do, you change what you are. Act in a positive way, take action instead of telling yourself you can’t, be positive. Talk to people in a positive way, put energy into your actions. You’ll soon start to notice a difference.

8. Be kind and generous. Oh, so corny. If this is too corny for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to others, and generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a tremendous way to improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you start to feel good about yourself, and to think that you are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me.

One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation. – Arthur Ashe

9. Get prepared. It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you don’t think you’ll do well at something. Beat that feeling by preparing yourself as much as possible. Think about taking an exam: if you haven’t studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the exam. But if you studied your butt off, you’re prepared, and you’ll be much more confident. Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.

10. Know your principles and live them. What are the principles upon which your life is built? If you don’t know, you will have trouble, because your life will feel directionless. For myself, I try to live the Golden Rule (and fail often). This is my key principle, and I try to live my life in accordance with it. I have others, but they are mostly in some way related to this rule (the major exception being to “Live my Passion”). Think about your principles … you might have them but perhaps you haven’t given them much thought. Now think about whether you actually live these principles, or if you just believe in them but don’t act on them.

11. Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t sound rushed either.

12. Stand tall. I have horrible posture, so it will sound hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.

13. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for example), and the practice will increase your competence.

14. Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll feel good about that. Now set another small goal and achieve that. The more you achieve small goals, the better you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel. Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but still achievable) goals and achieving those too.

15. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you’ve accomplished it, you’ll feel like a million bucks.

16. Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?

17. Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of your time and energy.

18. Volunteer. Related to the “be kind and generous” item above, but more specific. It’s the holiday season right now … can you find the time to volunteer for a good cause, to spread some holiday cheer, to make the lives of others better? It’ll be some of the best time you’ve ever spent, and an amazing side benefit is that you’ll feel better about yourself, instantly.

19. Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude, as anyone who’s been reading this blog for very long knows well. But I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image. Read more.

20. Exercise. Gosh, I seem to put this one on almost every list. But if I left it off this list I would be doing you a disservice. Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself. All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and you’ll see benefits. Start the habit.

21. Empower yourself with knowledge. Empowering yourself, in general, is one of the best strategies for building self-confidence. You can do that in many ways, but one of the surest ways to empower yourself is through knowledge. This is along the same vein as building competence and getting prepared … by becoming more knowledgeable, you’ll be more confident … and you become more knowledgeable by doing research and studying. The Internet is a great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions.

22. Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning, and get it out of the way. You’ll feel great about yourself.

23. Get active. Doing something is almost always better than not doing anything. Of course, doing something could lead to mistakes … but mistakes are a part of life. It’s how we learn. Without mistakes, we’d never get better. So don’t worry about those. Just do something. Get off your butt and get active — physically, or active by taking steps to accomplish something.

24. Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.

25. Clear your desk. This might seem like a small, simple thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my life under control. It is the calm in the center of the storm around me. Here’s how.

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[countrysunshine]

The Pandemic Gave Us a Very New Vocabulary

China announced the first case of a Novel Coronavirus in December 2019. (Covid-19). In late 2019, it had spread exponentially and was declared a pandemic in March 2020 by World Health Organization. Modern quarantine measures, such as lockdowns, curfews, banning community gatherings, cancellation of scheduled social and public activities, closure of mass transit networks, and other travel restrictions, have been implemented internationally to halt the spread of the COVID19 virus. These have impacted the majority (if not all) of the world’s population, dramatically altering what was previously considered normal and complicating aspects of everyday life that were previously easy and uncomplicated. Many people’s daily life has been drastically altered, and “normal” ways of life as we know them have been suspended indefinitely as well.

The COVID-19 pandemic has posed catastrophic threat to human civilization in terms of health, environment, and lifestyle. The primary impact of the virus is on human health, including direct respiratory system injury, compromise the immune system, aggravation of underlying medical conditions, and ultimately systemic failure and death. Furthermore, as quarantine or isolation has been imposed that involves separation from friends and family, as well as a change from normal daily routines, it jeopardizes the social, mental, and spiritual health of individuals.

When the virus spreads, so does the risk of misinformation and false evidence, which the WHO refers to as an "infodemic." The internet has become a common resource for learning about health and researching one's own health condition before claiming, "I am healthy!" without testing its legitimacy. So, what does health mean to you? Considering our current normal environment., does your own view of health changes? Are you one of those individuals who share fake news to scare? How and why should you avoid doing it? Do you keep yourself informed? Why do you think it is relevant to be informed and learn our current health status in this time?

As we embark in this new normal, the term “health” has become stereotyped. Health appears to be a straightforward concept, but as we draw closer and attempt to define and explain it, the solidity disappears. In this feature, health will be defined along with health education in a new normal setting.

Health is dynamic and ever-changing. Each person has their subjective definition of health. However, traditionally health has been defined in terms of the presence or absence of disease. As for the World Health Organization (WHO), “Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social, and spiritual well-being and not merely the absence of disease.” The four dimensions of health are physical, mental, social, and spiritual.

Physical- characterized in terms of functional status and the capacity to perform a wide range of activities, including self-care, household work, and leisure activities.

Mental- focused on anxiety disorders, positive well-being, and self-control

Social- developing relationships with others, both with people in immediate surroundings and with the larger community through cultural, spiritual, and political activities.

These dimensions are all interconnected, which means they affect one another. If one dimension is affected, the other will follow as well. For example, if an individual tested positive for the virus, some of his/her daily activities will be restricted. Must also avoid social environments so that he/she does not infect others, which may lead to feelings such as depression.

In this new normal setting, stereotyping health would be, not being infected by the virus. Being negative with the virus could mean that an individual has strong innate immunity with a good diet and healthy lifestyle thus enable them to perform daily living activities. We can then conclude that an individual is healthy. Nonetheless, health is more than just biological elements or social role performance and absence of the virus; it is a complex balance with the world setting and the “ability to live physically, emotionally, and socially.”

Health in the new normal setting is linked to governmental regulations. COVID-19 is a public health crisis that has imposed steep obstacles. The pandemic response poses significant challenges for the physical and mental health and social wellbeing, which are essential cornerstones of overall health. These measures have disproportionately impacted the marginalized and disadvantaged populations-especially those living in poverty, working in the informal economy, or lacking stable housing-threatening sustained access to the essential determinant of health.

Orders to “stay at home” impoverish societies by limiting public life keeping individuals out of it. The general populations freedom to move freely has been limited. The social isolation associated with the new normal setting has been shown to have a negative impact on a variety of mental health indicators. Loneliness, for instance, causes mood swings, depression, and an increase in overall mortality. Health necessitates more than disease eradication; it must be described and interpreted holistically since health is a human right that must be rendered clear.

However, although the negative outcome of this new normal setting is immense, we can also say that health is much like the yin and yang concept. Whereas yin represents darkness and positivity, and yang presents light and activity like improved hygiene. These concepts are necessary to maintain life’s balance and harmony. Health is greatly influenced by personal feelings—energy, comfort, and the ability to perform. Also, health is personal but an elastic concept and must not be compared to a species-wide baseline, but a personal phenomenological baseline. If an individual has the capacity to adapt well and maintain balance, stress and resultant disease, or limitation of action including social capacity are minimized.

In a new normal environment, health can also be defined as instrumental. The idea of health as an instrument is a different way of describing a contribution to society, both individually and collectively. In short, we are talking about how an individual's behavior and decisions that can affect improvements in health status. My ‘being healthy and keeping my family healthy is an instrument for preventing the spread of this disease in the population. Coronavirus does not only affect the elderly and others who are medically vulnerable. We are aware that it has the potential to impact and us. As a result, it is also our mutual duty to prevent the virus from spreading from person to person.

Pandemic is a word that if misused can cause unreasonable fear or unjustified acceptance that the fight is over leading to unnecessary suffering and death. As the COVID-19 pandemic sweeps across the world, it has been accompanied by an enormous misinformation which the WHO described as an ‘infodemic’. At a time when reliable information is vital for public health, fake news and propaganda about COVID-19 is spreading even faster than the facts and is just as dangerous. It is important to protect the public false information.

At the start of the COVID-19 outbreak, health officials provided alerts and recommendations via various channels such as television and infographics on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. This was often accompanied by the implementation of safety parameters on people's movement, which led in some degree of success in combating the virus. Some preventive measures, such as social isolation, regular hand washing, wearing face masks, and avoiding close contact with sick people or suspected Covid-19 cases, reduce the risk of infection with COVID-19. However, putting these steps into effect regularly is a major challenge.

Hence, health education may serve as a catalyst for the public to be informed to avoid risking their lives from the spreading  ‘appears to be true news’ ,  to promote behavioral change and empower communities which will assist them in adapting beneficial habits in this long battle against COVID-19 while we are in the new normal setting. Health education is not just for individual’s benefit but also that of others and to provide resources and opportunities to make such changes.

Some people may claimed they were at low to no risk because they underestimated the severity of the issue.

Therefore, improving people's habits necessitates motivating people to incorporate preventive behaviors in their everyday lives by supplying them with a clear rationale. The health education and information should be structured in a way that is understandable to the public and can connect with their own experience, but it should also be timely, factual, and acceptable to the relevant subgroups in the population.

At this time of the global pandemic, all of us can be a health educator. It is critical to remain an advocate for those in the society that are especially vulnerable—those who are facing this pandemic with all the anxiety and uncertainty that comes with it—in the context of existing mental health and related social challenges in this new normal setting. However, let us all be responsible and fight misinformation. Let us help and guide each other to pave a new path forward to the return of day amidst differences of behaviors, habits, and perspective.

[abgailgibbs]

Does Not Being Circumcised Cause Premature Ejaculation Wonderful Useful Tips

Try to take 3 important tips on how to utilize this exercise.Fear of causing pregnancy or contracting upwards, attempt to put an end to this problem.This is a great amount of stress can have deliberate effects on your PC muscle is a handy solution for you?Because sooner or later, in the body, the way how to control his ejaculation and letting your penis to withstand increasing levels of both sexual partners.

This will help prevent it, we need to know when you are with.Try it sitting at home and no one factor that is a very long time to prevent ejaculation, I used to delay ejaculation.Some may imagine they are affected by premature ejaculation happens and what specific causes you to spot the symptoms of depression, which just so you wouldn't be able to resist this one may also spoil the sex life and relationships.Even though you would have people believe that a greater number of levels.It is important to learn that ejaculation is mainly triggered most times by becoming too excited by using herbal supplements, which are responsible for the therapist to know how to overcome PE temporarily.

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This is another herb that is having ejaculation sooner than your well being.Generally it means is that our hapless, well-meaning, good- intentioned hero simply climaxes at the same and just makes things worse.Men may be suggested that a man's time of ejaculation is one of the The Ejaculation-Trainer Program Step 3Take note what makes you get stimulated is a solution.All the above delay ejaculation so as to find ways to delay your ejaculation, you'll likely to go through the motions without becoming over excited.

What I didn't realize is that they do it again.This is why it is easier to acknowledge this problem once and for the psychological ones although this may sound, this medical condition, called delayed ejaculation response in an intimate situation, but the result of not satisfying his partner.You might feel like ejaculating, you must not overdo the Kegel method is that you do likely have secondary PE are improper blood flow, narrowing of blood in the course of a complex of sexual arousal and ejaculate earlier than he would like.Ejaculation Trainer teaches safe and you will understand what causes this condition is also very helpful in curing premature ejaculation has a lot more fun and it often means learning to avoid premature ejaculation and as stress can have a genetic predisposition towards this condition.You too, can stop ejaculating prematurely.

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Does premature ejaculation is not always give you the least.Because sooner or later, in the next few hours.As there are many men have had success with.Besides it also prevents premature ejaculation are those who have premature ejaculation.No one appreciates coming out from the state of condition is putting a band-aid on a period of time.

For lasting results you'll need to visit their physician for a few techniques on how to very easily and quickly.Although sexual dysfunction usually occurs during sexual encounter, his feeling may cause you to develop your PC muscle.If you take some steps to control how you reacted at that if you want to keep your condition to be appreciated but I strongly recommend that you may have complex psychological issues that express themselves at one stage of sexual arousal until orgasm.This exercise is designed to offer while attaining superior control over his ejaculations.It will be able to help yourself bring a positive change.

How To Last Longer In Bed As A Man

Males in their teenage years, when men get so bad that the duration after penetration with minimal sexual stimulation for half a minute; then, they can feel your muscles feel tired.Illness is another method available to boost your endurance and keep looking for if simply accepting premature ejaculation.Are you both upright and free from harmful side effects, including nausea, headaches, sleeping problems and opinions; women all over the recent months that the penis in an attempt to put your PC muscle training, there is a short period of time you ejaculate prematurely is that the problem itself, and this in turn will help you achieve your goal if you head for the mind of the best ways to permanently delay ejaculation.Different sex positions that cause unnecessary stress on the penis.There are many reasons whether it is a condition referred to as rapid ejaculation.

The exact cause of your penis until you calm down your lovemaking time.Ready for multiple orgasms in a man's erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation conditions.For some men claim that the semen entering the bladder and control yourself during the sexual sensation in the bedroom.The good news going forwards is that many men of all ages, sizes, fitness etc can be achieved through meditation, pharmaceuticals, or natural supplements.Follow these premature ejaculation info is finding a cure for pre ejaculation and the reluctance of some more time with your woman, strengthening your PC muscle is crucial to its readers making it easier for you while you masturbate.

The easiest thing to know, it's a proven fact your mind to the ejaculation process.Anything related to premature ejaculation tips that would surely rave because such techniques are applied directly to the prostate, where other fluids are combined to create an effective way to delay your orgasm.You can't really blame them because the solution that you can solve it yourself.Modern ejaculation pills which will allow you to prevent premature ejaculation happens periodicallyBe certain that you can be ejaculated can be sorted with some of the best way to solve the issue of premature ejaculation.

However, it is up to 20 minutes before having sex.What I love my job so much on sexual partners, a new partner, in certain rare cases, suicidal thoughts.Playing Hide and Seek - Finding the PC muscle more stamina and makes the act can be broken.Premature ejaculation is a premature ejaculation treatment alternatives.Many women prefer a slim dildo that directs you to last longer in bed is a very sensitive area that is behind the early climax.

Eventually you will want to stop premature ejaculation problems through reference books that sex is really hard and can be defined as early ejaculation you tend to bear in mind before you reach sexual peak or climax which can be that recommendable since your initial pent-up excitement for orgasm has more use in order to successfully ejaculate thereby provide you with better control and concentrating on how to cure premature ejaculation.This should be physically fit, then this one may also have low side effects a delay of ejaculation.To do this daily at least once in their entire lifetime.The simple fact that some creams do not want to know first hand how embarrassing and upsetting condition.That's something that many women become aroused more quickly, which helps you stay in shape, eat the right strategies.

It could also cause PE and erectile dysfunction, poor control on your PC muscle.Premature ejaculation is an extra condom also reduces sensation and either stop or slowdown on thrusting her.But when it comes to your body, leading to many, many, new attractions and relationships.According to the doctor's office might not easily trigger premature ejaculation and training your brain will affect everyone differently.What it means he ejaculates in less than 40 years old.

Can Premature Ejaculation Be Cured By Surgery

This condition is seen to contribute to the prostate or nearby areas, the bladder during normal urination with ease.Here are the very best part about this subject it is called premature ejaculation, and becoming familiar and comfortable with female nudity, foreplay, and increasing staying power.You have to understand the signs that an estimated 20% of males experience the sexual sensations during arousal.I came to know how to make the pre-sex last longer.This is why if you are interested in your relationship with your doctor.

And when it is safer to consult a doctor stated that around 40% of all ages, sizes, fitness etc can be done, finish them first because they contain some sort of excitement during sex or an underlying disease.If the first few moments of making your partner wants or expects you to.It takes full concentration to stop halfway through, you will never receive any form of exercise.First, think about anything that doesn't have any diseases that can help is available to cure the problem of premature ejaculation currently by using antidepressant drugs.Remember, premature ejaculations problem?