#with or without the most amazing person ive ever met

[soppymilkgin]

I'm pretty sure I've been in your asks crying about aroace gin san before. But I just saw you tag on the (beautiful, gorgeous, brilliant, adorable) myoujou galactica AMV WIP and. "First love doomed by aroace gin san" it means so much to me. Anyway your blog continues to be a total delight it makes me so happy (or pushes me into existential depression looking at your shouyou art but ah well)

aw thank you so much! many more shouyous to come hehe must simply live with the pain like gin-san

i really like the idea of gin-san just breaking peoples hearts because he loves people So Deeply and they know it but its not the kind of love theyre looking for. it just feels real and canon to me LOL

regarding ace gin-san he says a lot of stuff about sex but he doesnt really do anything other than fuck an old man once. i have a hard time imagining him going out and trying to find someone to spend the night with when all he does drink himself to oblivion and then crawl home to the kids but thats just how i like to perceive it

[e-vay]

so… i turn thirty this year & after two failed relationships, im unsure how to have hope i’ll ever find my “person”. Ive been following you for a long time… how did you have hope that you’d eventually find someone and have a happy relationship?

If this is too intense or personal to ask, dont worry i just,,, i dont know. Its a struggle to feel like i’ll ever find The One and i know you went through something similar so… maybe you’d just have advice?

Thank you,,, i hope youre having an amazing night ❤️

I don’t mind you asking me this. If talking about the hard times I went through can help others get through it, I think it’s worth discussing. 

Like you said, I also struggled with love for a long time and after a few devastating relationships I gave up on dating altogether for a while. But, in hindsight, that ended up being a blessing because I was able to spend time bettering myself and—most importantly—learn to love myself. Yes, having a partner can make our lives richer, but I think it’s important to be able to enjoy your own company. Before, I thought the void inside of me needed to be filled by another person, so I would go out of my way to find somebody to do that without actually worrying whether or not they were the correct fit for me. Having time to focus on myself made me a better person (I think), and it ultimately ended up being for the best because I no longer felt like I was less than. Of course, I would still feel lonely from time-to-time and I’ve always been a romantic so I love the idea of love, but I got to the point where I felt fulfilled enough on my own so that when I met my now-husband, the feeling was significantly different. It wasn’t “I need to put this person in the hole that is my heart so that I can crawl my way up out of this pit,”... It was instead “Oh, this person significantly ADDS to the joy in my life” and that’s one of the reasons why he stood out to me as a partner. Though I would have liked to have met my husband sooner in life, honestly? Had we met sooner, before I matured and improved myself, we likely wouldn’t have worked out. I'm not saying you need to improve yourself. I'm just saying that that's what helped me and ended up giving me hope.

I also think society gives us too many unrealistic expectations and goals that we’re expected to meet by certain “deadlines”. Everybody moves at their own pace and has their own journey that’s unique to them. We can’t all be expected to follow the same linear path; humans are just too different. I was my husband’s very first girlfriend and he was 36 years old when we started dating. But when I’ve asked him if he’s upset/disappointed he never had a relationship before meeting me, he’s told me “No, I think we met when we were supposed to.”

Lastly, I want to address my personal beliefs on “The One.” Y’all know I’m a romantic and I do believe in soulmates, but I also believe we’re capable of having more than one soulmate. The world is too big for us to be limited to the chance of only ever finding one single person who is compatible for us. And if we miss out on meeting that one person, our chance of love is shot??? I just don’t believe that. When widows/widowers remarry, does that diminish the love they had for their late spouse? Of course not. It doesn’t mean their first love wasn’t just as important and meaningful as their new love. So, maybe you could find it helpful if you adopt this mindset as well. I think it makes the idea of romance seem less impossible.

I don’t know if this makes you feel any better but at the very least I hope you don’t feel worse for having read it! I don’t know you personally, but I wish you absolute happiness.

It's going to be okay 🙂

[antimatterz]

what's after LIKE ?

dan heng x gn!reader

summary: i have no idea where i'm going with this but it's inspired by IVE - after LIKE. this is honestly more brainrot and less serious writing.

cw: fluff fluff fluff, kinda crush headcanons + confessions + established relationship headcanons + a bit of marriage? i don't know tbh i was just vibing to the song when i wrote this and made a dan heng love story ramble lol. this kinda has some spoilers to dan heng's past.

content under the cut | masterlist

your crush on dan heng was sweet but short lasting.

quick to sprout from its seedling, rapidly finding the light to blossom freely. dan heng was part of the very first memory you had access to, and finding his solemn gaze resting solely on you awakened a string of butterflies in your stomach despite the confusion that came along with waking up aboard a space station without even knowing who you were.

you knew nothing, nothing but your name. where did you come from? what was your purpose? how did you end up aboard herta's space station? why was fate so kind to have dan heng be the person to find you?

when your eyes met, something solid formed between the two of you, something that never vanished and only grew in strength as weeks flew by. he opened up to you so rapidly and you did the same. he seemed not so easy to get along with at first but you looked past that façade and tried to find who he really was.

and he happily showed you.

your crush on dan heng was undeniably there, and to march, it was the most obvious thing possible. smitten you were, as your gaze lingered on the quiet male with heart eyes. he was known as a distant person, cold even to most. but you always tried to look past his mask, and soon it shattered afore your eyes, showing the calm and kind-hearted guy hiding behind it.

but your crush only lasted so long. you liked dan heng, but little did you know he liked you too. like was merely the first chapter of your story together. dan heng, as direct as he was, wouldn't hesitate to tell you ever so bluntly;

i like you, y/n.

there was a whole new chapter abound, the follow-up of the story that came after like. you never knew what it would be, since you thought of your crush as one-sided. while you had hoped for love to follow after like you did not dare to get your hopes up. yet, dan heng's confession had your dreams come true. love was the new chapter of your story.

loving dan heng was surprisingly easy. although he appeared cold and indifferent to those he deliberately kept at distance he was the opposite when it came to you; still quiet, but soft and kind, caring and a big sweetheart in his own way. you got along so well and the way you two matched was impeccable.

sure, dan heng had his secrets, he had a whole past he could not remember much about – and refused to talk about, even with you. but that was okay, you accepted that and allowed him time and space. he was grateful for that, and now you had an amazing lover by your side.

dan heng treats you as royalty, while you pamper him with affection and shower him with love. more and more often you find him smiling around you. there was a whole new side to him, one that you had 'unlocked' when the two of you started dating. again, the male was an absolute sweetheart.

but even love wasn't the final chapter. because at some point he asked you to marry him, his voice filled with something you hadn't heard before. it was so gentle, like the fleeting smile he offered you when you said yes.

your wedding was small, with only a few attendants; march, welt, himeko, herta, asta, arlan, ring-bearer peppy, and even some friends you made along the way. and who knew, maybe the stellaron hunters were watching from afar? but even though it was merely a small and simple ceremony, dan heng made sure to pick the most beautiful planet alongside the star rail where the astral express rode upon. imagine, the love in dan heng's eyes when you gaze at each other at the altar.

who knew? what started off as such a simple and innocent crush had so much more in store for you. you finally knew what came after like. love, marriage, happiness forever with your beloved.

[trippygalaxy]

UHM! HI this is just gonna be me rambling about some of my mutuals cause I cherish them all and everything they've done for me

no i will not be tagging them, the tumblr gods will decide if they find this or not

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Cal, gods I have so much to say about them but they could honestly be their own post by themselves /pos. I -genuinely- wouldn't be here today if it wasnt for them, so many times have they unknowingly helped me out of horrible places in my life, and I could never put my love for them into words no matter how many poems i write in their honour. They are one of the best friends ive ever had in my life, they are the most genuine, selfless, precious people ive had the pleasure of knowing.

Maj- oh i miss talking to him so much you dont understand!!! I love love loved sending them silly stories in her askbox, their way of thinking and breaking down stories were the most delicious things! Not only that but the art??? Their ocs always enticed me and i would willing sit down and listen to them talk about them for hours if i could. They are FUCKING HALRIOUS TOO!!! They've -without even trying- have given me so many belly laughs when i needed that the most.

But i seem them in their new fandom with other moots and im so happy shes having fun /gen

GASP! MY SPOUSE!!! Fir! UGH i love them so much /p They are so encouraging, and they help me so much when it comes to stories and figuring stuff out- and they WROTE SO MUCH FOR ME???? IM SO GREATFUL FOR EVERYTHING THEY'VE MADE AND DONE FOR ME AND I WISH I COULD REPAY IT BACK 10 FOLDS! I feel so free when speaking with them, like im able to be a part of me where i cant with others and its- its so relieving.

Vaati- a genuine inspiration. I was a HUGE fan of his shifting sands series when I found it on instagram and when i say HE MOVED TO TUMBLR?! I WAS FUCKING ESTATIC!!!! Also very worried that his art got stolen but it was clear it wasnt- ANYWAYS! When I first found him, i was so ready to just give up on art -before my digital art era- because when i stared at my art all i saw was bland strokes of a pencil that could never be compared to what others had made, but when I found his comic that was FULLY TRADTIONAL I was stunned. I showed it to everyone I knew, whether they knew loz/lu or not, i needed them to see the talent and beauty I found. And he was the beginning of me starting to relearn to love traditional art again, and how much more beautiful it was to me compared to any digital piece

ARIA!!! I was in awe of her cute style- and i saw her make art for Sacred realm and i was HOOKED! Genuinely, I was like 'oop- have to be friends with her now' and though we dont talk that much, im constantly impressed with her growth even when she thinks its trash. That girl has SO much potential, and im estatic to see what she does with it. OH AND THE ART SHES MADE FOR FAROLA?! **MWAH!!!** Honestly she made me love Farola again-

Major, an unrated GEM, one of the most encouraging, heartfelt and creative person ive met on this site. She is, and will always be, someone I look to when I need a push or when im unsure about doing something (like this!) cause I know that she will never cease her amazing ability to encourage and inspire those around her.

Finky and Isa- some of the most iconic styles ive seen, its amazing to see them grow and keep their styles while still improving. AND THE AMOUNT OF ART AND IDEAS THEY MAKE??? Im stunned by how quick they are able to make their art and STILL HAVE IT BE AMAZING QUAILTY?! Witch craft I tell you!

Shade and Mossy, two people I sadly dont talk to much anymore, but were apart of one of the most important parts of my life so far. Both were such positive lights that kept pushing even when they got pulled back by others. Idk if its their stubbornness or determination that keeps them going, but whatever they have, I want it!

[madohomo]

its my golden bday babyy i am 29 on the 29th today

life updates under the cut!!

i feel like my lifes been going 1000mph for a while now but some notable moments

- i got my masters degree and it was the hardest thing ive ever done honestly i didn't think i was gonna make it but my degree is in applied biosciences!! im v passionate abt a lot of science research so im excited to see where that takes me.

- im a homeowner now !! living w my 3 siblings and splitting a mortgage and its honestly so nice. the house so lovely and ive been through so much roommate hell in the past decade so its been nice to have housing security and ppl i can count on. house is kind of a zoo with so many animals though (2 cats, cockatiel, snake, axolotl, fish & coral) but we make it work

- I'm still working in clinical research as a coordinator on the only NIH funded long covid trial and it's been kind of brutal. not just because of the topic and the study itself being all over the fucking place, but they recently fucked me over financially and now I'm pretty much stuck working there until at least early next year.. but it does feel cool to contribute to such important research that is going to affect millions of people! I've been working on covid studies since summer of 2020 on both treatments and vaccines and now long covid. so I'm pretty burnt out but grateful that I've learned so much about how to protect myself and my loved ones because I'm pretty much the only person I know that still hasn't gotten covid yet. please PLEASE continue to mask, most importantly protect your face holes, and care for each other because everything we know so far is so horrific and we still have very little in terms of treatment options. the future is really looking so grim tbh.

- since October of last year I've been pretty involved in local organizing centered around Palestine. since then and especially during the international call for encampments I've really gotten to know a lot of amazing people who inspire me and remind me that a better world really is possible and we can really fucking build it ourselves. I feel like I've spent a really large portion of my twenties grieving my future because of climate catastrophe and endless war. but for the first time I feel safe and hopeful. I really encourage everyone to connect with your local organizations, meet people and get involved because getting connected and organized is really the only solution to every problem we face and if you're like me and feel existential dread on the daily, this is the best solution.

- and speaking of the friends and comrades we met along the way... I just want to talk about how much I love my friends and the people around me because I would have never made it to 29 without you. I love my local sapphic squad That makes that drained social battery go back to being full. and I love love all my out-of-state friends who continue to talk to me and want to be in my life still despite the distance!! I'm literally flying out tomorrow and seeing East Coast friends I started hanging out with during Homestuck days back in 2013 and now 11 years later. we're still planning shit together.

[jqmalikhsgib]

planets aligned

three

trigger warning: mention of self harm

it’s been three months. three incredible, amazing, beautiful, months since you’ve met eddie. you enjoyed every second of your time with eddie. he was sweet, charming, respectful, and caring. he made you laugh like no one else could. for the last three months the two of you gotten to know each other.

you both decided to keep things low key. with the beginning of a relationship being so fragile, you didn’t want anyone to fuck it up. you both knew how crazy your fans could get. you didn’t want to risk losing each other. but not telling people went beyond just your fans. eddie decided he wasn’t ready for his daughter to know and you weren’t ready for fariah to know.

but after three months, eddie thought telling his daughter was the right time. he wanted the two most important women in his life to get to know each other. with his daughter already being a fan of yours, he knew she’d be excited.

what he wasn’t expecting was her high pitch scream to nearly burst his eardrum.

“oh, ry! way to bust your old man’s ear drums?”

“sorry, daddy! it’s just, you’re dating yn. the yn? she’s been my idol for years now. how long have you been seeing her?”

“just a few months now. listen, i really want you to me her.”

rylee squeals. “when?! god tell me it’s soon. where would we go? what would we do? what should i wear? daddy, you have to take me shopping before meeting her. i can’t believe im gonna meet yn.”

eddie playfully rolls his eyes as his daughter start to ramble. she was just like eddie in so many ways but had her moms looks.

“slow down, ry! remember she’s a person, okay? don’t go scaring her off, yeah?” eddie jokes. rylee rolls her eyes at her father.

the next day you came over. knocking on the door nervously, eddie greets you with a smile. he moves out of the way to let you in.

eddie could tell you were nervous. he gently caresses your cheek before kissing you softly. “everything’s gonna be fine, baby. i promise she’s gonna love you!”

a few minutes later you see eddie’s daughter coming down the steps. she was wearing a t shirt from one of your collections. eddie groaned at his daughter as she steps in front of you guys. “i thought i told you not to treat her differently. what’s with the shirt?”

you shake your head. “it’s cool! it’s one of my favorites i designed believe it or not.”

“yn is in my living room! daddy, yn is in our living room! you’re so cool. why are you dating my father?”

“hey! i have you know young lady i am one of the hottest metal artist known to man.”

you laugh.

“not hot enough to date the yn, dad! i mean, she is perfect. im sorry. normally i am not like this around other celebrities. but you’re my idol. you’re so pretty, kind, sweet, and you’re an inspiration. i have always loved how inclusive you are and how you’re not afraid to tell people off. i know im rambling but i struggled with the way i looked for so long. been bullied, picked on, torn down so many times. when you came out i finally became more confident and started defending myself.”

“baby, it’s okay.”

eddie knew his daughter only rambled this much when she was having a lot of feelings.

“thanks, daddy. sorry again yn.”

“no, it’s cool! im glad i helped you build confidence. means a lot. that’s all ive ever wanted to do for others.”

the three of you enjoy each other company. soon you had dinner together and you got to know rylee better. eddie was happy his girls were getting along. seeing you with rylee made him feel like she could finally be happy again. it made him feel like he can give her a family.

rylee was eight when her mother died. she was young but had a little understanding that her mother was gone. eddie hated seeing his little girl live without her mom.

when rylee was thirteen she showed signs of depression. eddie didn’t know how bad it was until he saw the scares on her arm. he cried with his daughter in his arms as she explained how she was being bullied and how cruel a lot of the kids were being. eddie hated seeing his little girl go through so much hurt. it made him wish bri was still alive. she would know what to do, what to say, how to handle the situation.

it was only so much eddie could do. he felt like he was failing his daughter. over the next few months, after finding rylee someone to talk to and getting her the hell out of that fucked up preppy school filled with rich prick children that never had to work in their lives and posh ass parents, eddie noticed a change in rylee.

she was happier. eddie assumed it was therapy. but she started mentioning you. going on and on about this new model who was a huge advocate on mental health and loving yourself. rylee adored you. you had helped her find herself and even helped her stand up for herself. she went out to buy posters of you, books you’ve written, and adored your clothing line. you were a huge inspiration to her.

two years later, at the age of fifteen, rylee still adored you. you saved his little girls life. meeting you was a happy accident. he wasn’t expecting to fall for you so quickly. seeing you here with his daughter, seeing her smiling, laughing, and enjoying her time with you, it only made his heart grow fonder for you.

once you all were finished with dinner, you helped eddie clean up. once the two of you finished he wraps his arms around your waist. he kisses the side of your head. you smile lovingly before turning around to face him.

“do you think she likes me? not just as yn but as, whatever this is.”

eddie chuckles. “first, she adores you. i never seen her so happy. she really enjoyed getting to know you better. and secondly, this is what you call a relationship, baby. you and i, me and you. together.”

“does that make you my boyfriend?”

eddie winced. “im a forty-two year old man, baby. calling you my girlfriend feels premature.”

you laugh. “so what would you call this?”

“id like to call you my life long partner. someone i want to spend the rest of my life with someday. my love, my heart, my soul.”

“yeah?” you asked shyly.

“mhm. what do you say? want to be stuck with this old man forever?”

“id like that very much, eds.”

“good! ill go buy a ring.”

you laugh thinking he was joking until he shakes his head and caresses your cheek. “‘m serious, baby.”

“eddie, you’re not proposing for real are you?”

“if i am?”

“ill be very pissed at you! you cannot propose to me looking like this. i look a mess eddie! im wearing one of your t shirt, a hair scarf, and my nails aren’t done!”

eddie lets out a breath before laughing. “who fucking cares, baby. i think you look fantastic, yeah? come on! we can fly to vegas right now. grab rylee and get married.”

“eds! my parents will be pissed if i marry someone without planning a wedding and going all out.”

“who gives a shit! we can plan a big wedding another time. come on, let’s go get married. remember, i told you im a live in the moment, carpe diem! come on, baby.”

you bite the bottom of your lip. “ill have to go home and pack.”

“okay.”

“and i want a nice dress. not too flashy! let’s save that for the big wedding.”

“sure.”

“okay.”

“okay?!”

“okay! let’s get married.”

eddie picks you up and spins you around. he runs upstairs to go tell his daughter the news while you text fariah, letting her know you’re gonna be gone for a little bit. you hear rylee screaming before she sprinted downstairs to you.

“tell me my dads not taking the piss out of me. are we all going to vegas right now? are you about to marry my dad?!”

“yes. are you okay with this? because if you—”

“you’re shitting right?! this is the best news ever! you’re gonna be my step mom. holy, fuck! yn yln is gonna be my step mom! i gotta go pack.”

eddie walks over to you with a suitcase. your eyes widened. “you packed fast!”

“technically i packed two weeks ago.”

“what?”

eddie starts opening his suitcase. “you know how i said we should go ring shopping earlier? well, i kind of did already, baby. i saw this ring two weeks ago and knew. i had to ask you to marry me immediately.”

eddie pulls out the most beautiful engagement ring you’ve seen. you hold out your hand and he puts it on your ring finger.

“oh, eds! it’s beautiful.” eddie kisses you passionately. you wrap your arms behind his shoulders, kissing back with equal passion.

“are we ready to do?!”

the two of you pull away from one another before eddie hums. “just one more stop. then we can buy everything there before we get married!”

“lets go!”

eddie grabs your hand as his daughter walks in front of you. you were about to marry eddie munson in just a few short hours.

[silurisanguine]

15 lines of Dialogue game

As ive been away for the weekend, not sure if anyone tagged me with this but saw it open tag so here we go. Tagging @vorchagirl @despicablediet and anyone who'd like to do it! 15 Lines of Dialogue Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well! Since i've written the most with Seren Jones, I shall pick her for this!

1 -"Maybe I am, but there isn’t anything left in this universe worth staying for. Whatever is in the next universe has to be better than this one Barrett, it has to. I can't bare to stay here any more, not without him, not when I could have done it so differently."

2 - "Cora… she was there, saw her dad die…She hated me, blamed me for not saving him. After the funeral, Lillian took her and that was the last I ever saw that wonderful twelve year old. I realised then I had no reason to stay in my universe as everything i loved had been taken from me. I hoped maybe another would give me a second chance. To fix things..to try again…

…That’s why I do this.”

3 - "I came here the first time with no preconception of what I’d find. I was in awe at the location, just as you are now. But what I learned here has guided my hand in relation to how I see the Artifacts, how I see Unity and the Starborn. Anyone who wants to complete the Artifact collection, needs to know the full story for themselves.”

4- "Now you see how dangerous this place is, and this is just the start. The Starborn Guardians here have lost all empathy, all compassion, their humanity in pursuit of their cause. They have nothing left in their existence except to stop anyone else reaching the Temple. …I sometimes wonder what is the point of their existence before I wipe them out of it for good.”

5 -”You washed them clean. I can say one good thing about Lillian in that she gave you the chance to do that. You’re not the same man, Sam.”

6 -”They makes me smile every time I come back here. But I’m not entirely alone, the fish there get a view unlike any other.” She pointed to the couple of little fish swimming in their tanks, sitting right at the edge of the massive view screen. “If you don’t mind taking care of them for me, they’ve been a good little crew, never complained once.”

7 - "I've never met you before. Until today I'd never met a single pirate here." That was the truth, if a little stretched Seren thought.

8 -"All this, this universe is a nightmare. I've been to so many variations and… You… everyone here is so different, so wrong. It’s like Unity decided to show me the worst outcome possible just to make me appreciate who I’d - what I’d lost.”

9 -"Neat trick, have to remember that next time I'm in a hell-hole universe."

10 -"Sorry, Sam, just picturing you over Vlad’s head brought on images of you in ballet tights and…yeah, sorry, I have too much imagination.”

11 - "Yes, justice, Delgado. See that’s behind most things I do now. In this case justice for those your fucking coloured coded Spacers have harmed- have murdered. It’s interesting really how far I got here without anyone realising who I really am... I wondered why no one noticed the SIN of my ship. Even Jess surprisingly. It was a gamble using it of course…But no one ever clocked that I was flying the Razorleaf."

12- “Until I knew for sure you felt the same way I did, I wasn’t sure how to really act around you. But now I know, expect more of this, Sam Coe.”

13 - “You know I would! I mean she called me darlin, you know that makes me melt.”

14 - "…He always said he was bad with words, yet he could say things that were like love poetry to me, that would dazzle me. He was so open with his feelings when he trusted you. Funny, absurd sometimes and he cared deeply and loved passionately. He was an amazing father and I-"

15 - "I've no idea. Being Starborn didn't exactly come with a manual."

[nyf-archive]

as the year has ended, i just wanted to make a post and thank all of you here for helping me find my love of writing again ♥️ i haven’t written for fun in over three years, so i was nervous about jumping back into it.

below, i wanted to thank a handful of people because of how much they’ve helped me in the year that i’ve made my return ♥️

@intothewildsea : ARLO. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE FOR ME THROUGH EVERY ROUGH PATCH, EVERY MISSING SPELL, AND EVERY COME BACK!!!! YOU ARE MY FUCKING RIDE OR DIE ON THIS BLOG AND ILYSM!!!!! YOU’RE THE REAL OG UP HERE!!!! 9 YEARS AND GOING STRONG!!! I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT SHENANIGANS OUR SHIPS GET INTO NOW!!!!

@thegreatstrongbow: HEATHER!!!! YOU’RE ALSO ANOTHER ONE OF MY BELOVED RIDE OR DIES HERE!!! thank you so much for writing with Fin. especially when i was so repetitive back in the old days 😂 i have gone back and reread so much of my old blog and i cringe at my old writing. but you? you have always been so amazing and i absolutely adore you and thank you for loving my canon divergent princess as you have ♥️ you’ll never understand how much i treasure you ♥️ in a community full of people who refuse to interact with female muses, there you and beleg were ♥️ it makes my heart very happy to have you in my life almost 9 years later ♥️

@reining-disaster : you were the first person to interact with ANY of my tavs. you just went right into it with my fresh muse and my fresh writing. without your help, i dont know if i wouldve broken into the community as i did ♥️ you are a lovely human being and i owe you a lot! i hope the new year is kind and generous to you and yours ♥️

@never-surrender: ilysm holy cow ive never made such a fast friend in any community and i have got to say, you have pulled me out of my shell when it comes to just dropping new characters and pulling ideas out of me and i adore you so ♥️ you’re one of my best friends, even though we haven’t been friends for long, and i can’t wait to make my trip to see you this year ♥️♥️

@seeliecourt : omg hamlet i adore you so ♥️ thank you so much for taking all this crack and fluff and shipping our adorable muses together ♥️ molly has become so well rounded and more thought out from what i originally had them penned to be. with all the universes and all the different ways we have talked about them, i feel like i know this muse more than i ever have ♥️ it has been such a pleasure becoming your friend and writing partner ♥️ im so excited to see what shenanigans we come up with this year!

@lordgortrash/@sunderdust: you have ABSOLUTELY challenged me! with all the plots and all of the prompts, i have tried to match your creativity. it has honestly improved my writing since i first started, and even though we haven’t had a TON of interactions, what asks/threads we do have has definitely taught me how to think like my characters more than i ever have in my life. thanks to you, i turned colette into this amazing, well thought out dark urge instead of the boring, no name NPC she was in the beginning. i honestly hated her character when i fleshed her out, but us talking about her dark urge verse just snapped something in me and i kept running with it and now i have one of my most favorite oc ive ever created. it may seem small, but it is a tremendous delight being able to write with you ♥️ i still get so excited like a fangirl when you like any of my posts or send me asks because that’s how much i look up to you ♥️

@eritvita: omg celeste you are one of the most adorable, kind, and loving person i have met in this last year ♥️ i absolutely adore that you always make sure that what we write is safe and that you’re not pushing any boundaries ♥️ you have definitely become one of the people i look up to when it comes to inclusivity and just being all around a genuine human being who cares about your friends ♥️ our threads make me cry on a daily basis because of how sweet our ships are and I cannot wait to reply any time i see a notification pop up ♥️ thank you for loving my muses and being such an all around wonderful person ♥️

@arsonshub: just wanted to give you a shout out on here as well ♥️ what was once me being a shy potato on your live stream about muses and lolth’s religion has now turned into a friendship I can’t wait to develop! it’s been so fun nerding out with you about YouTube series and our adorable little ship ♥️♥️♥️

@apalestar: thank you so very much for taking my chaotic bhaalspawn and being just as chaotic with me ♥️ i am absolutely adoring all our interactions, crack or canon ♥️ i am adoring each and every little thing we do and I can’t wait to see where the future takes these two murder hobos ♥️ seriously, though, thank you for always being kind, even when i send you ridiculous shit at two in the morning lol!

If I didn’t mention your name, I just want you to know that I’m thankful for you, too!!! You all have helped me find my love of writing again and I can’t imagine where I’d be without your support! I know I’m chaotic and all over the place and don’t respond at good times or maybe I post too much, but I’m loving being here again and I couldn’t have done it without ANY of you on my blog♥️ so thank you!

And with that! Happy New Years and Happy Munday!!!

[alexagirlie]

Writer Interview Tag Game

thank you @ladyaldhelm for the tag! I'm sorry this took me like 4 months to finish.

This was fun :D under a cut because it is loooong

About me

When did you start writing?

I start writing seriously in December of 2021. I had dabbled when I was younger but never published anything online.

None that come to mind immediately, ive dabbled in most genres or themes that I also like to read.

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

Nope!

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I write on my phone using googledocs ao that I can write wherever I can. Most commonly that is curled up on the couch listening to music.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Looking at pictures of the blorbos or brainstorming with peoppe on discord.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?

Not in the slightest lol

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?

Does PWP count as a theme? I write fic to smush my blorbos together so end up with smut with minimal plot the most and it does not surprise me at this point lol

Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

To the surprise of no one who follows me my current favourite character is Sihtric from The Last Kingdom. He is kind and loyal and has a praise kink a kilometer long, no one can convince me otherwise. He is also played by the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life

For original characters that would be my bb Xander. He is a very queer wizard who loves to paint and read and has very questionable mental health.

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

I have a couple of original characters I have developed over my life which I think would be amazing friends IRL.

Xander is probably top of the list, he already fits the description of several of my irl besties lol

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

Which characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

I tend to like all the characters I have created myself, characters from ny shows though... probably Aethelred or Aethelwold from The Last Kingdom.

Its something Ive done a lot over the years and just used to happen without me thining about it too hard. These days if I plan anything involving original characters then I tend to adapt either Xander, or my other bb Ellixia, to fit whichever fandom im hyperfixating on.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

I like to create characters with tattoos, have some sort of fight training and are usually some flavour of queer.

My writing

How do you picture your characters?

.. in my head? Or I draw them

What’s your reason for writing?

It's the only way to make the voices inside my head shut up. I kept them contained for so long but now I cant put them back.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

Honestly any comment lol I get so few that I love any time of comment! How motivating they are does vary though.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Well I know I have converted many to the m/m game and honestly that is a legacy i shall always cherish

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I'm honestly not sure lol

Have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?

I get a lot of compliments on my characterization.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Most of the time pretty good. I know I am not the best writer out there but thats okay, I still have fun which is the most important part.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?

Probably not lol.

I would say its a mix of both. I write because I am compelled too fet the pictures out of my brain but I am also very susceptible to peer pressure lol that would be why i started writing readers fics lol then turns out i like writing them anyways.

Its been so long since this circulated so not sure who did it but tagging my OC loving girlies on the off chance you havent done it.

@gemini-mama @zaldritzosrose @legitalicat @foxyanon @thenameswinter99

[theclosetedskeleton]

hey you youre the best and most loveliest person on this earth and i mean that!!!! you r so insanely talented at everything you do and i am left in awe anytime you post any of your work whether that be your art or just one of your silly little images ^_^/pos

you mean absolutely everythingg and MORE to me. you deserve the world, galaxy, milkyway, universe, all of it and i hope every single good thing comes your way .i really have no idea where id be without you. you make me so happy every single day no matter what mood im in. you can light up an entire room just by being in it<3333 i love you so insanely much ez. <3333333333333333333/gen/qp

AWWWWWJSHSJ!!!!!!! IM ^_^

YOU ARE PRACTICALLY THE MOST INCREDIBLE PERSON IVE EVER MET, IF NOT THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER TO ROAM THE EARTH!!!! YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY EVERY SINGLE DAY AND I HONESTLY WOULDNT CHOOSE ANYTHING ELSE OVER YOU :]!!!!!! EVERYTHING YOU DO REMINDS ME WHAT AN AMAZING PERSON YOU ARE AND THAT KM SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE !!!!!!!

YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME AND WAY MORE PAST THAT!!! YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD EVER TO COME YOUR WAY, AND WAY MORE!!!!!I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE I'D BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE, YOU MAKE EVERYDAY BETTER THAN THE LAST BECAUSE OF YOUR PRESENCE AND I WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY !!!!!I LOVE YOU SO INSANELY MUCH AS WELL VULTURE <33333333333333333333333333333333/GEN/QP

[obxsprincess]

heyy girl, how are u? i know ive been kinda missing but i might need your advice on something bc im very confused and unsure (and my friends are being kind of unhelpful bitches lol

So, im in college right? and theres a lot of fraternities around, and I met this guy, a friend of a friend, and he lives in a fraternity.

So far so good right? We kinda flirted with each other for a few days until a party last night where we finally hooked up (i was drunk but everyone said it was pretty hot :)) but i had to leave bc my roomate was very sick so i never got to talk to him abt anything else basically. And my friend said tomorrow they'll have a small party to celebrate a bday on that fraternity, and everyone keeps saying i should lose my virginity to this guy (ik shocking im a virgin), but the thing people dont understand is that i get attached very quickly and to me our kiss basically locked in, so im kinda nervous ill get attached and he wouldnt want anything serious w me

Reading it back it feels kinda dumb but specially for people on campus and SPECIALLY on fraternities is very rare for u to get kinda together w someone so quick, so I DUNNO WHAT TO DO

- 💋

hiii babes, ofc ofc im always here to help!! and remember not even my opinion should persuade you into anything, cus I can only go off of my own experiences with virignity loss and hook ups 💞 but I hope my insights helpful!!

I lost my virginity at 16 back in high school (a long time ago and not at all saying ur guy is like this ! cus he probably isnt! especially cus hes an adult so I hope to fucking hell he isn’t) and it definitely happened very fast and quick, texted for a few days, made out, and then met up to have sex. in summary it ended with my nudes being leaked around the school and almost a felony on my name (for sending them?) but the thing ive took out of it (and only reason for the story, im srry cus I was so young so it might seem weird to include) n held close is to remember trust is one of the most important parts of sex really! because your putting your pleasure and body into someone elses hands, but also your emotional trust because sex is so much more than just getting physical for a few minutes, and its important to remember that the lingering thoughts shouldn’t ever be negative, or the guy broke the trust you put in him. truly the after sex reaction is just as important as being taken care of during. in my experience, because I didnt know the guy well, I went into it blind not knowing what I total asshole he was.

and trust, in my eyes, means knowing you’ll be treated right afterwards no matter what, even without a relationship basic aftercare if the bare minimum. and to me it doesn’t seem like you are convinced he’ll do that for you ! so pls pls be careful 💞 who knows ! he might be an amazing guy but if you arnt ready to take that step yet, don’t ! because the good ones are always willing to wait. I would say text him/talk to him in person if you have to too. because and I’m hoping not but you never know, his and your friends might have ‘talked’, and sex might be on his mind too. so if you feel comfortable, get on the same page with him with whatever you decide angel !! you deserve to lose your virginity and be glowing afterwards, its so much better than regretting it 💗 whether u choose to get to know him better or lose your virginity to him, stay safe bby and use safety <3 (pls make sure to discuss possible STD history on his side too btw !)

hope this helped a little love, love you and never let anyone pressure you please, cus fuck that

[lycanthian]

blaseball.

a eulogy, of sorts.

(cw for mentions if suicide under the cut)

blaseball was my solace.

my only source of warmth by any definition in the cold (both literally and figuratively) of november 2020. that year was desolate. it was freezing.

i joined blaseball at the suggestion of, who was at the time an acquaintance, at the tail end of season eleven. i was skeptical, but latched onto the shoe thieves.

the season ended, and i spent the entire grand siesta researching just about every single thing that had ever happened in the game to that point. i was neck deep on hyperfixation, with no clue as to how deep that love would become.

blaseball helped me through a really hard time. in the years 2019-2020, i was a high school freshman navigating a brand new setting with hardly anyone i knew. being hit with quarantine was, possibly, the worst thing that could have happened to me. it was awful knowing that i spent so much energy making new friends only to be forced away from them, many of which not only cutting contact but dropping out or moving away.

i had to make new friends again when we came back. blaseball was one of the only ways i knew how. i spent lunches upon lunches of discussing everything that was happening and everything lored by the community. it helped me connect with people when connection was hard to come across.

(heres where we get into the cw a bit)

blaseball was an escape.

2020 and 2021 were shitty, shitty years.

covid aside, my mental health was at an all time low. i managed to keep going because of blaseball. it distracted me from the horrors of the world.

being cooped up made our already tense family life worse. my parents were at each others throats near constantly. they were at my brothers throats near constantly. my brothers were at each others throats near constantly.

when i started going back to school in person, covid was still rampant. shootings were picking up more and more, especially in my state.

blaseball, the act of being able to invest myself in it, was what kept me from doomspiraling for months on end.

im surprised i survived quarantine. if it werent for the community blaseball gave me, i dont think i would be here today to tell this story.

the community that blaseball gave me was extemely supportive and actually instrumental to my beginning to love and learn more about myself.

if i never got that opportunity, i think i very well would have offed myself by now. i mean, with the stress of school and the shitty world outside mixing with the added stress of having to witness both of my brothers' attempts... its hard not to to understand at least a bit

i dont think about it often. i never have. but the way stress has been piling on since that quarantine started, blaseball was the one escape from all that stress.

and for that, im grateful. ive met so many wonderful people here.

ive touched and been touched by so many amazing pieces of art, literature, and music.

my self image wouldnt be where it is today without the support of members of the shoe thieves communities.

my art wouldnt be anywhere near the skill level it is now if i didnt become obsessed with these players.

im sad to see it go this way, dying to the same corporate scope creep that it warned against, but i understand why it had to go.

am i mad about this outcome? yes. absolutely.

but

im grateful for everything that blaseball was able to do for me.

the ending is bittersweet, but i want to say thank you.

thank you to my great friend callie who i dont even know will see this for introducing this wild game to me.

thank you to the fans who worked behind the scenes for hours to archive and record past events so people like me could get up to speed.

thank you to all the amazingly talented artists, writers, and musicians in the fanbase who have created many of the most wonderful, inspirational pieces that rarely leave my mind to this day.

thank you to all of the charleston shoe thieves fans, past and present, for cultivating one of the most diverse, welcoming, and absolutely diehard loving communities ive ever been a part of and giving me a home for when my own was too much for me.

thank you to all of blaseblr, especially my friends and mutuals, who listen to me rant endlessly about my shoe thieves blorbos that most people know nothing about.

and finally, thank you to the game band for creating this absolutely eldritch beast of a project. it changed my life for the better. it has inspired me to do things ive never considered before, and it as well as the fanbase has drastically fundamentally altered who i am as a person.

we stole shoes. we fought gods. we raised the dead. we sucked really hard. we partied until we died. and then partied more. and we won the championships.

👐🏋️‍♀️🔥🍗🐅🔱

🥧📱🛠️🥩🎸💋

🌷🌞🌮🚤🕵️‍♂️🪱

🍬🌴🗣️👟✨🦀

many teams, one league.

[juni-ravenhall]

a story or small book or a poem about stuff i thought about

i didnt have any responsible adults in my entire life. i dont have any still now, when im a disabled adult living in poverty. i think a lot about how nice it would be to find some lonely old middle class people who take a liking to me and adopt me as their kid or grandkid since theirs doesnt talk to them much. how much it would help me to have support from anyone.

i was the most bullied kid in my entire elementary school. i never thought of it that way until recently when i randomly said it out loud during a convo on some related topic. after elementary school i was still bullied and isolated and judged, but not always the no.1 victim. i have a lot of damage from how bullied and alone ive always been, including how isolated i am now. i had friends sometimes, but i lost them.

i live in poverty and cant afford a dishwasher or a good bed. my back hurts a lot on top of my other illnesses. i have to wash a lot of dishes and cook a lot of food alone. the bed is uncomfortable. it hurts my back. when my back hurts, it makes it harder to focus, or rest. it makes everything harder than it already is. i cant really think at all on the days when the pain is worst. i stretch. i try. but im also stuck without money inside a small apartment in a bad neighbourhood, and its hard to feel the motivation to do anything.

the wellfare system and the healthcare system doesn't care to help me get healthy. i'm supposed to simply "find a job", even though my resumé is empty with an unexplainable gap of a decade. i dropped out of uni maybe 3 or 5 times. i dont have a degree. i barely made it through highschool. i didnt know that it was mental illness and symptoms of the abuse. i didnt understand that until i was over 20. i still didnt understand that when i tried to do uni, over and over. i kept trying because i am a hopeful person. i tried to learn alone and create alone, too, because i had hope. but hope doesn't get you anywhere if you don't have any support. i know that now.

i think about that im smarter and more knowledgeable and more effective than most people ive ever met who earn 30k sek a month. like the people who yell at me from the wellfare office for asking questions. or the doctors who conclude that i require no treatment despite my obvious disability. or the people making videogames who dont understand anything about game design. i do understand it and i could teach them so much in one hour, if they talked to me. i could make someone a master artist if i taught them for a few weeks. i am fluent in english on top of my native language and understand linguistics and etymology really well. i can read and write in 4 different alphabets at least. one time i composed an original piece of music for my sibling's school project in the span of a few hours of a night, and they told me everyone in their group was amazed that i made something unique for them, from scratch, that quickly.

i don't think that i'm less capable or less skilled or less intelligent or less rational or less efficient, than middle class people. i don't have any proof that this would be the case. the thing i do have proof of is that i have a lot of struggles that come from being a childhood and adulthood abuse victim and bully victim with no support network, with no help, with no money to ask for help. maybe i wouldn't be this damaged today if i had had 15k sek a month for a few years.

i wouldnt even know how to spend 30k sek a month. well, that's not true. i would save it for the future, to stay safe, while also donating to people in my communities, like my tumblr dashboard. that person that often struggles with rent and meds. that person that does emergency commissions. that person with a sick cat. those people, i would give 1000kr each of my 30.000kr salary. if i gave 1000kr to three different poor people every month, i would still have 27.000kr. if my rent and bills were around 10000kr (in a nicer place than now), and i eat food and use hygiene products for around 3000kr, and i buy meds and clothes and bus tickets and small things for around 2000kr, i would still have 12.000kr left. thats pretty much just completely insane. if i saved 12k sek every month, i would have saved more than 100.000kr in one year from my salary, and still given away 1000kr every month to three poor people, and still been able to live happily with food, medicine, bus tickets and cinema visits, and warm clothes in my size.

i could save 12k sek a month, or i could use 2000kr more, to give 1000kr more to two more poor people. for a total of 5 different struggling humans who i could give 1000kr each month. and still save 10.000kr for my future safety. every month. more than 100.000kr savings a year.

the people who earn 30k sek a month in sweden are earning relatively small salaries. there are many who earn 35k, or even 40k, or even more than that. they don't usually give 1000kr a month to 5 different poor people. they also don't usually get therapy, which they can afford, although some do. if i had 10.000kr left just for savings every month, i would get horse therapy, every week. but i might not even have to use the 10k for that. i might be able to cover that partially with the 2000kr i calculated for other spendings. i would be really happy if i could get horse therapy every week.

if you are middle class, you don't live in the same world we do, i don't think. i don't really understand how it works anymore. if you could give 1000kr to 3 or 5 starving people every month, and still save 10.000kr every month, and still live freely and happily and healthily yourself every month. why would you not do that? i think that's why they say "poor people stay poor because we give money away". when we have it, we share it, because we understand how valuable even the smallest sums are. but it's still hard for me to understand how people earning 30k+ sek every month are the majority of this country and how the majority of people are not doing anything similar with their money as what i would do.

my skills, logic or knowledge don't earn me anything. because if you don't have a network, if you don't have support, if you don't have anything, you can't get anything, either.

my only way out is to keep having hope even though i've learnt that hope doesn't actually help me at all, beyond keeping me from killing myself, sometimes. mostly it's the fact that yasmin would be alone that keeps me from it though. because she also has no support, she also doesn't have anything. at least we are together, in the cold without proper winter clothes. at least we are together, when the drug addicts are banging on our window at 4am. at least we are together, wondering how to ever find any means of employment, in a system that's built against us. how to find support in a society where middle class people will tell you that you aren't trying hard enough, while they don't know even how much 100kr is.

112kr is bus tickets back and forth to downtown for two people. that means we can go windowshopping together, or to the library, but we can't buy anything. 200kr means we can go downtown *and* buy a small trinket or a snack. 500kr, means we can go downtown and buy a piece of second hand clothing, or go to the cinema together, or eat a restaurant meal together, one of those things.

1000kr to a poor person every month can help them buy their meds. pay their rent. or to go to the cinema to cheer up, because sitting in a cold small apartment in a bad neighbourhood can make you feel really bad. it doesn't make it easier to work, or easier to study, or easier to get healthier and move up in society. it's really hard to make a "class journey upwards". middle class people seem to not realise that they've been fed propaganda about poor people. i can understand that the upper classes don't know and don't care, because they are horrible unempathetic people all throughout. if you have that much money and don't help the ones less fortunate, or fight the system for us and with us, there is no redemption.

but middle class people, for some reason, it feels as if you should know. as if you should understand how much 100kr is, or how much 1000kr is, or how much 10.000kr is. because you are only one car accident or one severe health problem away from starting to trickle down in class. well, that wouldn't be enough if you have a support network, or if you have a lot of savings, or if you have a loaded family. but over time, with long-term disability, you might lose your middle class. or maybe your sibling does, or your best friend.

it feels as if it shouldn't be that far away from you, that you can't imagine, that you can't understand that some of us right here around you, in your communities, would have our lives changed by having even half of your money every month. the fact that you don't even have to donate a few 100s "instead of" saving it, or "instead of" spending it on games, or on netflix, or on restaurants. you can spend 1000kr on 5 different poor people each month and still have 10.000kr left over just for savings, or for as many gacha tickets as you want, or for trips to spain, if you prefer.

middle class and upper class people's ability to be patrons to those stuck in lower classes without losing any of their own priviledges is just very interesting. i've seen middle class people tell lower class people that their commissions are too expensive. but if you earn 30k sek a month, paying 1000kr for one single commission is actually more or less nothing to you, on average. the same goes for buying products not made in sweatshops. if you have 10.000sek left to save every month, i think you can afford to not support fast fashion, or fast food. poor people are being exploited, ruined and killed to create those products. not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate. and poor people on your dashboard are unable to pick up their medicines or pay their rents or buy food and warm clothes, not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate.

we were born without support networks, without responsible and healthy adults around us. we were bullied and isolated in school. we didn't have the opportunity to make "class journeys upward", because we didn't get healthcare or wellfare or other support to help us get through school, or to help pay for it. we didn't have any energy or ability to "network" and lick boots and kiss ass to get special treatment from richer people, even if we wanted to. the bullying and the abuse gave us PTSD, social phobias. reclusiveness. somehow they really don't understand how hard it is to create a network out of nothing, if you have damage from abuse and bullying. how it's not actually your fault that you don't have support. how it's not your fault you didn't just "get better", when the systems are built against you.

i've been a "free psychologist" to many people online for many years. people tell me "nobody understood me that well before", or "wow, that really changed my life". but i'm actually very tired of being a good therapist for no rewards other than seeing people feel better. no payment. and every time i play a videogame, i imagine i could have a sit-down with the developers and outline to them every single thing they could do to improve the game and sell more copies and have happier players. it comes very easy to me. but there is no way to just become a paid psychologist or a videogame fixer out of an empty resumé. i am not able to try to get a uni degree again, because then i would have no money at all for food and rent. so i am here with my empty resumé, without any support, without warm winter clothes in my size. without 1000kr to give to 3 or 5 poor people every month, and 10.000 for savings, for a safe future.

i really don't know what to do anymore, and i don't know how i will ever be able to take a middle class person seriously ever again, either. not if they earn more than 25k sek a month. below that, maybe they still know what 100kr is worth. i'm not sure. but the majority of sweden's working population earns a lot more than that, and has a university degree, because they weren't fucked up so bad that they couldn't finish school. nowadays, i side-eye everyone i see outside, and wonder if they know how much 100kr is worth. i don't think the drug dealers and users in this neighbourhood know how much 100kr is worth. i wish i could have gone into drug dealing, or into drug using. even just drinking. that's what everyone else does in this social class, for a reason. i just had hope that things could be different some day. that if i was responsible and kept trying, things could get better. it doesn't. i don't know if it matters if i spent my wellfare allowance on food or on drugs, or videogames. i don't know if my life will ever get any better regardless. but i spend it on food and medicine and hygiene products, because i have always been responsible, even though it has gotten me nowhere.

another job i could do would be to give middle class and rich people advice on how to spend their money. i would help them both save and invest properly with my knowledge and logic, as well as spending on a healthy mature life for themselves, and investing in their own happiness as well as their family and community's happiness. i could do all of that. it comes easy to me. i think i could be a counsellor. i could be a game designer. i could teach people how to be great artists. i could teach people how to improve themselves. or i could make music and some people would enjoy it enough to pay me for it. there are really many jobs that would come easy to me. everywhere around me that i look, i see people who don't understand as much about the world as i do. who don't know how to improve or how to move forward, when i can see it easily. i don't think that i'm lesser than people who earn 30.000kr a month. i heard that they take coffee breaks and smoking breaks. i heard that they go get sushi for lunch. i heard that you actually even get extra money for healthcare and other things through benefits of your work. i don't know why they don't know how much 100kr is worth.

the doctors told me that there is nothing they can do to help me, but if i pretend that i have autism, i might be able to get more help. because there are systems in place in sweden for people who have autism, and there might be ways for me to get more support and more different kinds of help that way. but i am a responsible person, and i felt that it would be wrong to pretend to have autism if i don't. the help that they said might be possible is also just a "might" or a "maybe". i think i would pretend to have autism if they told me that i would get 30.000kr a month by getting a job through a special programme for autistic people. but i don't know if anything like that would ever happen, so i don't feel comfortable taking a gamble on it. i also feel really angry that the system is like this, and that well-meaning psychologists at the city hospital feel pressured to tell me that the only way they can help me is if i say i have autism.

the only idea i really have for how to not die is to eventually be able to finish making a serious videogame, all alone or with the help of yasmin, or my sibling, or someone i havent met yet. there are people like me, who are creative and analytical, who made very successful videogames alone or almost alone. and i think im a very good game designer, because it comes easy to me. i always know how to fix other people's games, even though nobody asks me to. i know what's wrong: it's usually the same few things. they lack clear direction, in gameplay, art, story, or in everything. they lack a clear sense of their target audience and their desires. they lack understanding of the fundamentals of good game design and what makes games fun and enjoyable and satisfying to play. they lack focus on making the core of the game strong and solid and focus too much on unnecessary things outside of the core gameplay and other pillars of the game. they lack skills in design, or skills in art, or skills in writing. which again comes back to lacking focus, because almost everything is about focus. it's about understanding what the most core things are, what is the most important, both to you and to your audience. it's about pushing design into interesting unique places, or about pushing boundaries for realism, or about limiting your scope to your resources and goals.

when i said i could make someone a master artist by teaching them for a few weeks, it's more or less the same thing. i would teach them that they need to find a core and find focus. they need to push the limits of their art and their ideas, and maybe the limits of the world and society. to focus on shapes and colours and feelings and pushing extremes, while also learning fundamentals of anatomies and perspectives and layouts just to back up the important parts. or if they just want to make ugly vectors for a boring company for 30.000sek each month, i would teach them to focus only on improving those skills necessary for that and to have a full understanding of what their niche means and what the market is like for them. i would also teach them that they can still push their personal limits and make interesting work even if they have a job making ugly art for a boring company, if they wanted to. i would teach them how to market and advertise their art. most of everything is just about focus and about cores and about disregarding useless things. those kinds of things come easy to me. i think it doesn't come easy to most people i see that earn 30.000kr a month. i could even be their therapist to help them stop feeling inferior about their art or stop having impostor syndrome. i understand how the world works and i'm able to teach others about it, if they want to listen.

the biggest evil in the world is expansion, the concept of expansion. our planet and our societies are going to be destroyed because of expansion, and we are hurting today, especially those of us in lower classes, because of expansion. the opposite of expansion is to make smaller and make less. the balanced version is to sustain. if the rich people stopped expanding, the planet and its poor people would do so much better. if we started sustaining instead of expanding, we would be good on our way, and if we started lessening, we could reverse most problems we have.

expanding comes in many forms, everywhere, all the time. when you want to have more money even though you already have enough to live a healthy, safe and happy life, that's expansion. when a company wants to make more money this month than last month, even though its owners have enough money to live a happy life, that's expansion (unless their only purpose in making more money is to help society in some way). when a government wants more land, that's expansion. i could really go on, but almost every evil in the world is expansion at its core. it's about someone wanting to get richer, someone wanting more priviledges, and that someone is someone who doesn't need it, someone who already has it. a company who already has it. a billionaire who already has it. a government who already has it.

i understand a lot about fixing the world. i understand that solving homelessness is possible and would logically be a good investment for societies. i understand that keeping people poor and exploiting them is a way for powerful people to stay powerful. i understand that nobody who has power or money actually wants to help fix the world, because it wouldn't benefit them personally. i understand that those of us who do want to fix the world never get the resources to do so, and won't receive funding from the people who don't want it fixed. i also understand that if i became a politician, i would get death threats. my life would be even harder than it is now. i don't have the option to gamble with my safety like that, when i can't even afford warm winter clothes in my size. it's also not the very easiest job for me. the very easiest would be game designer. the second easiest would be counsellor. politician comes a bit later. i think it would be nice to perform a job that's easy for me and earn 30.000kr every month.

i have a hard time focusing on creating things these days, or focusing on learning things that would help me, like programming. i know a bit of programming, and i know the logic of it very well. i could map out the way the code should work on paper. but learning all the phrases and exact ways of putting it together takes a lot of effort from me, and with my disability it's difficult to do that. i used to draw a lot, and i studied animation very deeply for some years. i read everything about the history of animation that i came across, and about all the fundamentals, the ideas, the ways to make good animation. different mindsets, some that i agree with and some that i don't. i don't think that good animation has to be smooth, or anatomically correct, or correct in perspective. i think anything can be great if it's done with a lot of feeling and honesty and genuinity. you have to have focus. you have to know what your core is, and what the core of your animation is, what the core of each movement, each action, and each scene is. the core of each character. the core of the story, and the colour palettes. the feelings and the motifs. i don't agree that it matters if its two frames or thirty frames. the part that's going to blow people away is the feeling and the extremes. the wild bold colours, or the extremely minimal colours. the massive movements, or the nuanced tiny ones. the ones that tell a story, or the ones that give you a feeling and a sensation without a story. the ones that are anatomically correct and twenty-four frames per second are never going to matter to anyone if they don't feel like anything. that's what i think.

most things are about focus and cores and about not wasting resources on the wrong things. it's about not expanding in the wrong direction. things that come easy to me. if i had the energy, if my back didn't hurt so much, if i could buy sushi for lunch, i would make the best horse videogame in the entire history of the world. i would get more than 30.000kr per month for it, and i would give 1000kr each to 3 or 5 poor people every month to help them with their rent, or their meds, or their sick cat. i would be the responsible adult in my life who has got my back, who can support me, who can help me, and i would be that adult for others. i would pay to go to horse therapy every week, and i would still be able to save 100.000kr every year, and i would be safe, and i would be happy.

[scourgefrontiers]

yeah that last reblog hit me rly hard

most of the time i do love to draw! its been my passion for literally my whole life ever since i could draw a stick figure. its always been the ONE thing i wanted to do in life no matter what, and ive worked hard to get to where i can do it to support myself monetarily as well as just as a hobby on the side

but..yeah. sometimes it does feel like a lot. it feels like im failing because i cant get a job with my art no matter how hard i try. it feels like im a failure because i cant draw the way i want. sometimes it makes me hate myself too.

but then i have to remember why i love to draw. i love to create, i love to bring life to characters that wouldnt have been given life otherwise. i love to bring joy to people with my art, be it through commissions or gift art or even just art i post for myself that they happened to really enjoy. i love to share my interests and my personality with people through my art and give them a little piece of me.

i do love wolves. and i do love dragons. and i do love girls that turn into wolf-dragons. i also love sonic, and i love furries, and i love inazuma eleven, and i love werewolves and vampires and angels and demons and aliens. and with my art i can share that love to everyone else!

so even when i struggle with my art or struggle with making ends meet with my art, i always have to remember that this is really what i love. art has been with me through the best and worst of my life. it's been my friend even when i was socially isolated growing up. it's helped me express things i wouldnt have been able to express otherwise. it's gotten me to meet new people, amazing people, amazing friends and peers i would have never met without it. i wouldnt give it up for anything.

[noxiatoxia]

Hi! So I have a few things I wanted to say/ask so hopefully this isn't too long or out of place or anything

Okay so first off, you always reblog and say such nice things about my art in the tags and I wanted to say I appreciate it so much, I never know what to say but like you're the backbone of the hikakao community so it feels like a seal of approval in a way haha. And your art is so amazing like, damn! I love it sm. Kaoru has been my fav character for nearly a decade so I love seeing that its not just me he has a grip on, and as an autistic person myself who loves princesses’ and specifically Cinderella… well your hc means a lot to me haha. Oh and your hanahaki fic??? I ugly cried. SO damn good like the characterizations… one of the best Hikakao fics I've read on god

So I kinda wanted to ask two things, first being if you had to choose for the other hosts to have a fav princess who would it be? Im personally very partial to Tamaki loving Belle, given the like french beauty and romanticism of it all, plus her giving herself up for the safety of a parent connection. I like the idea of him being kinda dumb and taking it as you need natural inner AND outer beauty, which he oh so obviously has in spades and that kind of nonsense. Idk I was just curious if you'd have an opinion on this as ive been giving it some thought lately. Especially on Hikaru, I think he would like a more down to earth princess that doesn't have too much frills or singing in the film, like Merida because it's the most adventurous one without character songs if you're just going off disney. But idk I feel like another princess would suit him better, I just can't think of one rn

Second was if you had any thoughts or analysis of how the maid the twins had when they were young impacted them and their development? And more importantly how it impacted them each differently? Like obviously her saying no one may ever be able to tell them apart fucked with their heads, but like idk. Ive been thinking about it. And what if they never met her, and she never said that? Would they of been less warped? I think they'd just meet someone else who they liked who couldn't tell them apart, who'd just say the same thing in a different way. But how key was her betrayal of trust during a high stakes robbery of their parent's estate to all this? Im just musing at this point lmao

Oh also less an ask but I personally hc Kaoru to dissociate and the like frequently, and how maybe them being in sync all the time in their mannerisms really helps him with his autopilot moments, and Hikaru is always ready and able to catch him up to speed on what's happening and what they just did, if its something he would care to know that is. And I hc Hikaru as bipolar, his depression just manifests really angerly instead of traditional sadness. But my point is I love the idea that they're just so used to the other that any mentally ill or neurodivergent behavior one of them does the others just like “Oh yeah Kaorus just like that. You know how it is. What do you mean you don't know anyone afraid of hairdryers? Like legit afraid? Yeah no thats just a thing. Hmm. Well you should get over it it's his fear not yours I dont see how it concerns you.” and like gets defensive if anyone tries to say it's weird lmao

Okay that was long oops I hope this wasn't out of place or weird or anything, I got excited talking about it haha. Hope all is going well!!

THIS IS SO FUCKING SWEET YES!!! I WAS DRAWING HIKAKAO RIGHT AS YOU SENT THIS ASK TOO BTW.... i was htinking like, should i post this... theres kissing..... but then i remember why it's so rewarding to do what I love <3 really and truly. I've met SO many incredibly kind, creative, and thoughtful people through hikakao it's insane. And tbh it makes me want to never stop posting about them even if it nets me hate every now and again LMAO it's just, stuff like this is irreplaceable to me. And I LOVE your art!!!!!! It's SO cute... the picture of Kaoru dressed as cinderella made me legit scream. I sent it to all my friends and showed it to my brother haha. The whole Kaoru/Cinderella headcanon is very personal to me as you can probably gather from my carriage posting. so whenever I see it I go nuts (in a good way. it not destructive).

I think it's very funny (in a good way) that you already had a special interest in princesses, esp Cinderella. For me, it's like...I can NOT look at anything Cinderella related normally anymore because I'm reminded of the carriage allegory, and yet we have Cinderella movie nights every thursday now because of me...I describe my relationship with Cinderella as "stockholm syndrome" because i legit didn't care about or really even know Cinderella before all this went down, but now she is my Worst Enemy but Best Friend and if anybody says Cinderella is mid I'm blowing up another hostage.

Also!!! Thank you so much about the fic!!! While looking back I feel like there are def things I could improve on, I do really like that fic. As somebody who's personally arospec, I have trouble writing the "feelings" of romance so I tried my best. I have other Hikakao adjacent stories I'm writing and I wanna post them here!!!

Okay, onto the questions...firstly, YES, Tamaki DOES seem like the type to love Belle. He may also enjoy Rapunzel and her whole being held captive her whole life because maybe he feels the same way with his own family situation. Haruhi strikes me as a little mermaid type, no real reason, I just get that vibe. Although Kyoya probably relates to the original fairytale of the little mermaid in some ways for sure. I actually HC Mori's favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast, so he's probably also really into Belle. As for Hani, I'm not sure...Giselle, maybe. He likes her whimsy.

Hikaru is interesting, because I feel like he's like Me in which he HATES Cinderella because he has to hear about it 24/7 but if ANYBODY said anything mean about cinderella he'd be like...you bitch...you take that BACK. Altho I have this headcanon that Hikaru's favorite princess is Alice from Alice in Wonderland (tho she really isn't a "princess") because he always liked that movie better. Kaoru would cry as a kid tho when Hikaru said he thought that movie was better so he pretended to like Cinderella more. But he doesn't. Merida tho...that's a very good choice, I can defff seeing Hikaru being a big Merida fan.

So, to the second question: it's very interesting! What stood out about that maid to Hikaru and Kaoru was the fact she was mean to them. being raised as rich and "better" than everyone else, all the maids HAD to be nice or they got fired pretty much, so to see a maid go against that status quo, to treat them honestly...that's why they liked her so much.

If anyone else had said "nobody will be able to tell you two apart", would it have hurt? sure. But it wouldn't be devastating, because they likely wouldn't care about that person's opinion. but they liked this maid, they looked up to her in a weird way. Having somebody you like and trust tell you something hurtful is way more harmful than if a stranger did it.

Now...would they be LESS twisted if it never happened? I doubt it. I mean, maybe they'd be LESS focused on looking identical, but they would still be rather cruel and mischievous, because that's how they were simply raised: they were raised being taught their actions have no consequences, because they're better than everyone else. Simple by being "Hitachiins", they had a pass to do all sorts of nasty shit to people because they were rich and powerful. Besides, canonically, their mom & dad were barely in their lives, and child neglect causes the children to act out to get attention, usually via things that would get them scolded. So, while they miiight not have been AS keen on matching had that maid never said what she did before leaving them forever, they would probably be just as mean and cruel.

To le third point: YES that is so good. Kaoru very much dissociates in my heart of hearts as well. He has days on end where he doesn't feel like he's in his own body, everything's sort of a blur, he can't remember things well...Hikaru's there for him in those moments at least.

I always saw Hikaru and Kaoru as ADHD/Autism solidarity. But bipolar is an interesting one, too. I could def see it.

Also the hairdryer thing FUCKING RELATABLE...I'd think Kaoru is "afraid" of hairdryers/thunder - just really fucking loud noises that are sudden and/or unceasing. They don't make him "cower" necessarily but like, he gets super jittery/irritated because he gets overwhelming anxiety from it. Hikaru as a kid probably didn't understand why his brother acted so strangely to certain sights/sounds/touches, and maybe at first teased him about it, but when it was clear these things actually DISTRESSED Kaoru he stopped and did everything he could to make him feel better. and if anybody makes fun of kaoru for it Hikaru beats the shit out of them.

This was super nice ;w; I love receiving long asks, asks about ouran and the twins especially. legit if you ever wanna talk about them u can send an ask or DM me you seem really nice!!

[laly-481]

Not sure if i should do this on your sideblog or here so doing it here!

I feel like itll get obvious after i finish bc oh boi i have a lot to say (also you may recognize my typing)

YOURE FR ONE OF THE BEST PERSON I EVER MET AND IM SO GENUINELY 100% SINCERE LIKE!!!!! God itll be difficult expressing myself without making it obvious so fuck it

MY LOVELY PLATONIC WIFE ILSYM /P I FR CONSIDER YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND!!!! its already been. what. 2 years we're friends now?? And i usually struggle sm keeping friendships for long so i just really really appreciate the fact that we still managed to stick together for so long, rambling about our new hyperfixations to the other to the point of sometimes making it the others hyperfixation and then just having sm brainrots and all together and even creating aus and characters together and even if we never finish anything which is a bit sad the process is always soso fun and i appreciate each and every moment i spent with u ever!!

Youre like one of the people i feel the most comfortable with if not the most?? Like i feel i can just ramble about most of whatever the fuck passes my mind without u judging me which. Probably often ends in your notifs being flooded by me. Oopsies.

Know that ill always always support u bc youre someone so important to me and i really care about and sometimes i just randomly think "damn im so glad to have met laly" bc thats genuinely what i think youre just so!!! Amazing!!!

Anddd i think i should stop because this is getting too long but basically; YOURE ONE OF THE BEST PEOPLE IVE EVER MET AND I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH /P MWAH HERE TAKE COOKIES CUZ YOURE EPIC 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

JDQBMVABLMFAENLKFA GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET

ILYYYY /P I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT TALKING AND STUFF SO I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH JUT ILY !!!!!