#with no nuance or even thought it seems to me to it
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the original post i want everyone to see is way out of my hands now, so iâll repost this again here as new but separate post. it touches on things i want to go into more depth about.
@wasabikitcat gets this idea. this replyâthank you so much for not just understanding what i was going for, but putting my exact thoughts into cleaner words on the bad reading comprehension site.
i can't believe how misunderstood my point was about âspiritualityâ (i didnât know it was that much of a loaded phrase!), but thank you for putting what i meant into more nuanced terms.
it's something that can be hard for me to put into words, and maybe i gave people the wrong impression by using the word "spirituality", since words mean different things to different people. i just haven't seen people discussing it so i wasn't sure how to really put it. but regardless of terminology, this reply is exactly what i'm getting at. and this is coming from someone who has a very scientific mind. i wouldnt even consider myself a traditionally âspiritualâ person in the normal connotation of the word.
edit: this one as well!
i see this as a cultural/political factor that we shouldnât ignore, because this sense of meaning has driven people's motivations since the beginning of human civilization.
there's a primal aspect that hasn't really left us but there seems to be no room for it in our modern culture because half of these âguidesâ seem to be driven by âi cant wait for civilization to collapse so MY ideology can rise from the ashes" and the other half of it seems to be driven by greed. and often they are hand in hand.
i would really like to see actual enlightening ideas stemming from buddhist thought, analytical psychology, collective unconscious, and archetypes to take off in the public consciousness. (completely divorced from jordan peterson. just the original jungian stuff)
i am especially supportive towards getting people interested in carl jung's works. his idea was to get people to understand, "what myth am i living?" based on the same archetypes and symbols that recur time and time again throughout human history that we can all collectively recognize regardless of culture. so it's a sense of meaning based in the self. i don't want people being sent down reactionary paths when looking for meaning in their lives.
i think it would benefit people to who feel lost especially in uncertain/unprecedented times like, with those âthere's got to be more to this, something deeper,â insinct. i see that people are looking for this but get taken advantage of or manipulated.
but on this deeper sense of meaning in life thing, the Left isn't doing a great job at providing an option for âlostâ people looking for meaning that the Right seems to be having no trouble with. i wonder if this is why we've seen so many of these lost young men flock to reactionary commentators?
this reminds me of an excellent point contrapoints made in her video about jordan peterson, saying,
âThe last thing I like is that you talk about deep shit. I was watching a video where you and a couple of zany goons were talking about Plato and Aristotle and the meaning of life. And I thought, âHuh⊠on the Left, we donât really talk about that kind of thing. All we talk about is how society oppresses people.â And that might not be enough. Because people need to have a positive purpose in life. I mean, personally, I donât give a shit. Iâm pretty happy to sit here watching the same three seasons of Strangers with Candy until I die. But other people, like Dostoevsky, Camus, other white guys who talk about lobstersâŠthey have this need to have purpose in the face of suffering, and like, not just complain about patriarchy. I guess itâs easier to not complain about patriarchy when patriarchy isnât the thing thatâs making you suffer. But I do think that an education that only teaches people about oppression is inadequate. We spend four years teaching undergraduates why capitalism is bad, and then we say, âWell, youâre educated now. Good luck getting a job under capitalism, bye!â âŠAnd that really kind of sucks! But you know, I think thatâs a point that can probably be made without comparing transgender activism to Stalin.â
speaking of her, this is a related post i wrote earlier on young men being radicalized and how to approach communication
and by the way, if you are interested in learning jungian psychology and want to see what itâs about, here are some resources to get you started:
i think the jung subreddit has a great collection of resources on its about page.
i highly recommend Demystifying Jungian Psychology to start. itâs meant for beginners. it is available in english and spanish. you can currently find the book in the comments section here. since sometimes these links lead to a 404, i donât want to link directly to the google drive page. i want you to have a link to the original thread in case it gets broken.
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Thoughts on Veilguard so far:
Preface: Iâm ~50 hours in with a handful of endgame spoilers.
My general values are: Story > Characters > Gameplay > Romance > Rep > Visuals.
My rating of the previous games: DA2 > DAO > DAI
Spoilers under Cut:
What I expected: Having to deal with an unappealing art style and clunky gameplay with leftover multiplayer and live service era elements that they couldnât get rid of for the sake of the story and characters.
What I got: WellâŠ
Letâs Start with the negatives:
-Dialogue: I want to know what happened there. Ik for a fact they had veteran BioWare writers on the team and it feels like there was a decision to dumb everything down to the point of me immediately having a line in my head that would sound better in universe every time someone spoke. It proved especially grating once I heard Morrigan speak. And when people compare the writing to MCU I cannot really protest. âDragon Age has always been unseriousâ yes but like. Not every other line was a joke or relatableâąïž millennial awkwardness . When jokes did happen they became memorable moments for the fandom. Itâs often very difficult to listen to. Especially when Rook talks. It is getting marginally better though.
-Tone: Dragon Age has been compelling to me because it wrote conflict and trauma and corruption in a way that felt developed enough to feel grounded and believably horrific. Even with all its faults. DATV mellowed out the horrors and seems to gloss over a lot of sociopolitical dynamics and lore. Stuff like portraying crows as vigilantes and not showing the evils of Tevinter slavery. The tone itself just feels like theyre trying to make an easily marketable sanitized IP out of it to cater to a wider audience.
-Character Writing: A lot of characterization has been âTell not showâ because Iâm disappointed in Lucanis and Neve. The story says one is a serious killer and the other is a cynic but both have only been friendly soft and positive which is like??? I feel like a lot of their intro has been cut out or something where they establish those traits on screen. Another thing is: there donât appear to be actually detestable and controversial traits in characters or even internal conflict they need to overcome. Theyâre just dealing with some kind of external thing thrust onto them and that is very shallow to me personally.
-Intro: I know weâre not getting Origins style personalized intros again but it felt like too much is handwaived into people making their own OCs and forming headcanons when the game doesnât let us RP much at all outside identity stuff anyway. Like how do we know Varric? Why should any of the pep talks he gives us mean anything when we havenât experienced anything to warrant the complements he gives us?
-Villains: possibly the worst part of the story: they lit act like theyre in a preschool cartoon down to body language. No nuance no controversy no actual horror to them when in previous games the evil felt so much more pronounced because some of the villains felt human enough to be a shitty person irl.
-Rep: Sigh. Even as a transmasc I might be a little too internally transphobic for the rep in the game. It feels like so many steps ahead of what the story should be handling. Like fix the slavery problem in a meaningful way then start philosophical gender discussions about what a gender binary even is. And itâs very cringe to me when itâs spoken about in game. Like yeah I love that thereâs no way to dispute what the characters are but it also feels so entirely uncreative using modern day terminology for this stuff. And I donât mean âreplace it with ambiguous sad baby talkâ but something more. Like is it terrible to want that? Even if you were planning on using the word nonbinary, at least tell us what a binary even is and how it was instituted as an idea into this world. Like I do adore Taash, I just wish the gender stuff wasnât so clumsy.
-Visuals: Itâs hard man. As an artist who sees human bodies as proportion reference points, the bodies still look off to me. Like it was worse and Iâm getting used to it but itâs still painful. And Iâm all for trying to stylize but this particular heroforge direction was not something I would have picked.
-OST: At first I couldnât tell Zimmer/Balfeâs stuff apart from Morrisâs but yeah, the new stuff is more boring(Sans the Rivain part)
-The 3 choice thing: yeah not a fan of that. I feel like perhaps it was a part of the multiplayer era where they would not be able to import much if everyone had a massively different world state so they limited it to the tiny MC choices. Still sad that the romance thing only really matters if you romanced Solas because the Dorian cameo wasnât anything to write home about. Kinda feels like they added him in last minute because someone pointed out how much Solas-skewed the choices were. Idk. I so expected Josie in Antiva but alas.
Now Onto the Positives:
-Codices: The very way-too modern simplified conversational dialogue style carries over to the codices. And while I despise that as a creative, I do find myself actually reading them as they come because they are so easy to absorb. I feel like a lot of people would benefit from not skipping them because there are some references and plot reveals worth checking out.
-Story: If you deafen the dialogue style, the story itself is top. Gets way better as you play and from the spoilers Iâve heard, yeah. Itâs good. Canât wait to find out more.
-Gameplay: Listen I have a massive preference for DA style combat even if most ppl call it a slog. The turn based element, the pause button, the hoarding skills I never use. Itâs like coming home to me. I hated DAI combat for the amount of anxiety it induced and I usually hate fast-paced action combat in most other games. DATV made me eat my boots. Its combat is insanely fun and engaging and often times Iâm looking forward to fights more than quests themselves. Very colorful, very flashy, and very effective. The pause button gives less freedom but itâs there. The combos are fun. It is like Mass Effect except I did not find commanding the companions in Mass Effect as intuitive. Tho I wish non mages had less magicey feeling attacks.
-The CC: Yeah it wowed me with the options. I like how much can be done with the facial sliders and how good the hair looks.
-Puzzles: Listen the puzzles are extremely stupid in this game. But I also am very stupid and lazy when it comes to solving them. I have looked up the vast majority of puzzle solutions for DA games. No more DA2 Fade Barrels and no more trying to circumnavigate the ad infested Fandom Wiki to get to the Kittyâs prison solution. Crafted specifically for me.
-Mechanical Things: The game is optimized insanely well. Both when It comes to your PC and the gameplay. Iâm amazed how well it runs on my PC when games like BG3 and Cyberpunk make my CPU scream. Love that. As far as gameplay goes: everything is super streamlined and designed to be as un-annoying as possible. No carry weight, no collectibles as annoying and unrewarding as the shards and mosaics. The maps are easy to parse. The game does not bombard you with useless NPCs, banter canât be interrupted and characters catch up on banter at the Lighthouse if youâve been avoiding certain party comps by accident. The quest locator is actually helpful. Skill points can be refunded. Looting is easy and finding shit feels rewarding.
-Characters: Honestly they do have some interesting things going on and while most characters feel a little hollow so far, I was pleasantly surprised by Davrin and Bellara. Davrin is the one Iâm romancing and while the actual romance isnât groundbreaking Iâm glad I chose him. Yes, his character has a lot to do with Assan and his arc, but he does have stuff going on of his own. Heâs very refreshing because some of the things he says low key both makes you think and also worry about him. Heâs also not your usual preppy jock type. He can be a little mean sometimes. Heâs artistic and principled. He has some remnants of âopinions I donât agree withâ that I love early DA for. When it comes to Bellara, she absolutely breaks the sort of Manic Pixie/Quirky Awkward young coded girl mold. It is the fact that there is self awareness and hints of history of failure and isolation in her words. There is also masking and over-clarification that I can relate to personally. I hope there is stuff like that to other companions when I get to know them better.
Visuals: the UI and Locations are stunning. The outfits the best the game has had so far(tho wish the overall look was less stylized) The blighted stuff(sans the ogres) and the Crossroads. Beautiful.
-Dwarf Lore: started out as fucking cheesy but I just finished meeting Valta and Iâm seated.
-Solas Stuff: Hated the man for a while. Caved and made a solavellan to import to get more story stuff. NGL he is actually tolerable/interesting to me in this game.
Overall: A sickly sweet combo of Disappointed and Impressed. And Iâm still gonna be playing. I am used to not liking something about every DA game. Thatâs part of the fun for me. But damn is this one testing me. Am I having a lot of fun playing it? Absolutely. Am I finding it difficult to get through a concerning amount of dialogueâŠyeah. It does still feel like a DA game but also like if someone made a pg-13 live action of Inquisition and then made a supplementary game based off that. If I forget that itâs supposed to be a sequel and just treat it like an action game with plot then itâs easier. And like Iâm sure at least half of what I listed as a negative can be attributed to EA meddling or prev iterations of the game being inseparable. Anyway. Canât wait to see the ending and I will add more thoughts when Iâm done.
#dragon age the veilguard#datv#dragon age: the veilguard#Veilguard spoilers#BioWare critical#sort of a review
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Welp, hereâs another Mouthwashing post bc I have some thoughtsâąïž that are definitely controversial
TW: Mentions of rape, miscarriage, forced pregnancy, abortion, suicide and basically everything involving Anyaâs assault at the hands of Jimmy
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I donât think that AUs where Anya keeps the baby are bad. I think theyâre unrealistic given the context of the story and the fact that they are stranded in outer space (and without medical supplies). Realistically, even if she had survived her suicide attempt, the stress of being stranded on the Tuplar most likely would have caused her to miscarry. That being said, in the context of Anyaâs character I donât think itâs an unreasonable assumption. She is shown as a kind, playful, compassionate character when we see her from Curlyâs POV and itâs not unreasonable to assume that in different circumstances she may have wanted to have the child. I feel like the decision could have gone either way, given what we know about her. While most people agree she would have terminated the pregnancy, and while that is a valid interpretation, I feel as though the fandom at large is refusing to acknowledge the nuance of the situation. thatâs not to say that every AU where Anya keeps the baby is masterfully written, however, having the only acceptable happy ending AU be one were Anya gets an abortion misses the point of her character entirely. When Jimmy assaults Anya, he removes her agency completely. I find this ironic in the sense that the majority of the fan base has decided that the only way Anya could truly be happy is to not have the baby. To me this seems like just another way agency is stripped from her. I feel like the fandom ignores that aspect in favor of chewing our people with differing views on Anyaâs assault and the resulting pregnancy. As an assault victim myself who was in a similar situation to Anya, it saddens me to see that people are sticking to this one dimensional idea of what Anyaâs happiness should look like. Anyways, I would love to hear Tumblrâs thoughts on the matter as opposed to Twitterâs. I would just like to have an open discussion about this without a slew of harassment followingâŠ
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There's something potentially really interesting in Kassandra, Paris, and their relationship (or lack of one, depending on how one wants to characterize them both).
To start with the beginning, which would be how Kassandra reacts when Paris has (presumably) not actually done anything yet:
-In Euripides' Andromache, she was apparently old enough when he was newborn to have visions and called on the whole city to have the infant Paris killed. This doesn't necessarily need to come with her being old enough to have been cursed already, if she's not very detailed as to why. (Otherwise, she would be a lot older than most of the rest of Priam and Hekuba's children, even if Paris is made one of the younger ones.) -In Euripides' Alexandros, we don't actually know exactly what Kassandra's prophetic scene(s) amount to; I've seen some speculation that this play involved references to Kassandra newly having become "mad", so her curse would be recent, if so. Paris' foster father is assured to have had some part in the revelation/establishing of Paris' natal identity, whatever Kassandra's involvement.
-Sophokles also had an Alexandros, but we know even less here, so let's turn to Hyginus, who might be helpful for both of these plays.
-Hyginus' Fabula #91 doesn't mention the foster father like Euripides' Alexandros; instead Kassandra declares Paris to be her brother and Priam acknowledges him. If Hyginus hasn't left something out of the plot (of whichever play this is probably summarizing, maybe Sophocles, since Euripides didn't use the bull device to get Paris to Troy), Kassandra is here not actually used to call for her newly discovered/born brother's death, but instead facilitates his recognition by his birth family.
-In Ennius' Alexandros, one of the few fragments we have assures for us Kassandra calling on the populace to "quench the brand"; that is, Paris. Of course, with so little to go on we don't know when this is supposed to have taken place (since one can, no matter how little that might make sense if Kassandra is the one to deliver it, put such a scene at Paris' birth, like in the Andromache).
What we've got, then, is at the very least a couple incidents where Kassandra is calling for an innocent to be killed, and one incident where she might instead have facilitated recognition without any obvious call for murder.
And the thing is, of course she's technically "right" to do this. Paris is the "problem" and removing him would save Troy (well, from Paris as the spark that lights the fire, anyway, given that Zeus could have chosen/could choose to destroy the heroic race with natural disasters). One could probably not really blame her, especially when she doesn't even know him yet.
But after this - what then?
There would be some amount of time, if not between recognition and the Judgement, then between Paris coming home with Helen and the Achaeans turning up. She will get to have a chance to know him, perhaps whether she wants to or no. Does she keep to her insistence that he should be/should have been killed, without guilt or conflict? Keep to it, because it would be/would have been best, yet feel conflicted about it, because this is yet one of her brothers?
It'd certainly be one way to take to insist she simply hates him, whether he's inherently actually hateable and unpleasant or not. Maybe she'd even be in her right to! But if this is her position, even when Paris has not yet done anything to warrant it, how does she deal with that? To and for herself, and when it comes to her family? Is this yet another thing that separates her from the rest? (Maybe not Deiphobos, though ;P)
And if she finds herself liking him, yet knowing with utter certainty that Troy will suffer because Paris is alive with them - how does she deal with that?
It must in some way be easier to think someone should die for the good of all the rest when you don't know them, even if they don't deserve it because they have done nothing to cause any troubles yet, than after you've begun to know them, have begun to form a connection with them, liking them.
#paris of troy#cassandra of troy#greek myth thoughts#trojan family#no real conclusions here I am just mulling over it#especially since Tumblr is fond of the 'she hates him and thinks he should die'#with no nuance or even thought it seems to me to it
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with the pride month slowly approaching its end, i'd really love to see less casual misogyny and biphobia just thrown around in queer spaces
#life#like.. from the fact that it's so common to paint women enjoying something in a fandom as the root of all evil#to queer women having to remind everyone that HEY they're also queer#to people within the community drawing these lines in the sand#making it seem like women are the greatest oppressors of all#and don't even get me started with the biphobia#of excluding bi women on the assumption that they are straight#like even within the fandom i've seen posts floating around pitting people against each other#based solely on the assumption that all m/f ships are straight#and like.. i get it it's a complex issue with its own nuances and i'm not here to babify women and all that#but it's like.. we get enough shit as is#we're constantly not 'real gamers' not 'real fans' we're not 'queer enough' our contributions our thoughts are not taken seriously#we're constantly grouped with the worst actors and written off as mindless idiots when we simply enjoy something#like i ain't pressed like a panini over this but i know that some people are deeply affected by this shit#and often times it's all for what?#what is the goal of all those posts?
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Constantly thinking abour karen wheeler btw but in a way that makes everyone here super madsies
#my problem is that when ppl say they like their female characters problematic they mean#'i want them to have flaws that i can blame on the nearest male character' and tbh thatd so boring and also. pretty infantilizing?#tbh to the point where its like do you guys even get karens character or. anyways.#like So Many Thoughts#like shes either the narc emotionally abusive mother or a victimized angel đ„șđ„șđ„ș neither of which is true btw#im so pretentious i like to think that i get where karen fits in the fabric of st's themes#i think positioning her as a 'freak' kind of defeats that? bc karen to me always seemed like the opposite#shes attrative skinny formerly a cheerleader charismatic white and suburban. shes literally a white boomer named karen.#all of that is complicated by the fact that shes also a woman who was raised in the veryyy conservativ era of the 50s#shes very much someone who is smart but also follows the tides and only really rebels when its the popular counter culture to do#like her at the pool in s3 with all her other housewife friends#and its like so easy to get what ppl say about her mothering skills but it often gets pushed into very black and white discourse#like karen obviously cares about her kids but its a case of actions mattering more than words and performance#like karen will TELL mike that she wants him to talk to her and shell hug him when shes supposed to (performance) but when mike had symptoms#of ptsd? karen punishes him. but also ptsd was not super well known back then#but what im saying is that karen PERFORMS but is she actually a safe person to go to? i think thats what her arc is about#like thats why the mikekaren hug at the end of s4 was important bc not only does she hug him hut she also makes it clear she doesnt want to#lose him#its that reassurance after a traumatizing event from a parent that kids and teens need!#i think karen does what she thinks she is supposed to do but also i think shes the typical white boomer who lacks a lot of self awareness#in how she treats ppl#doesnt make her a bad person. honestly i think shes a good person#i think when all characters are humanized and flawed what separates a good person from a bad person in st#is whether they like to inflict pain (like brenner) or if theyre just a flawed human beings (good but nuanced)#girl whos been thinking abt karen all day <- me
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"Can you wipe out that much red?" and "You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code. Something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!" that kind of gives Loki talking about himself. In Dark World it seems like he feels there's no way he can possibly repair the relationships he's broken, so there's no point in trying or even showing that he's remorseful and willing to work to amend things. Maybe in Avengers he's already starting to realize that he's gone too far, starting to think there's no coming back from what he's done and he might as well just live in it because there's no chance of making things right. In the Battle of New York, when he's fighting close-quarters with Thor, he seems genuinely frightened of what's happening around him for a moment, but he says "It's too late" and then stabs Thor. It's too late to stop the fight, it's too late for him to switch sides, it's too late to make up for what he's done, it's too late to have a better relationship with his family.
#idk I'm just having a lot of thoughts about him man#there's so much nuance in him that I like trying to figure out#and even if I'm not technically right honestly it's such a neat reading of the way he reacts to things I'm gonna keep it#he just seems to me like after his initial downward spiral he figures it's too late to do better in any way so he leans into it harder#because what else is he going to do?#where else can he go?#he figures he's probably headed for the execution block or the prison anyway so he might as well take a shot at ruling earth#I love this lad so much#loki#avengers#the avengers#avengers 1#thor the dark world#the battle of new york#marvel#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#martianbugsbunny opines
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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hot take but. oda is honestly one of the most interesting prominent side characters in y0 to me. like. donât get me wrong obviously i donât condone his actions, but speaking as a character design guy, i think heâs got a whole lot of complexity to think about in his story and identity that people tend to ignore/overlook because heâs not a black and white âgoodâ person. like no shit heâs morally fucked, that doesnât mean his intense pining and crazed level of dedication to tachibana and the lengths all his guilt and repressed love for the man he saw as the best thing to ever grace his life drove him to arenât interesting to think aboutâ if anything it makes him more interesting. he was. really something
#people like to joke about wanting problematic queer rep instead of just good upstanding citizens all the time but then you get someone like#oda and suddenly all nuance dissappears and liking him as a character (for being a well-made character I mean) is equated to#condoning sex trafficking. like. no thatâs not how that works#though I do think- regardless of him being a shitty dude- he does count as a victim of burying your gays#but thatâs less about his death being narratively a bad choice and more that there couldâve been more queer rep amongst prominent characters#to balance it out (who donât die)#though idk Iâm always a little put off by the all too common Gay Chracter Dies For Their Tragic Love Interest trope#because itâs. too common. and depressing. but again I think it couldâve been balanced out if someone else was prominent and#canonically queer (also thinking like. nishitani seemed pretty close to canonically bi but. he. also died. so)#anyway. yeah on the other hand im glad they didnât sugarcoat or morally sanitize him as a character for the sake of his queerness though#I wouldâve really liked to have seen more on tachibanaâs side about what he thought of oda and their relationship in general- cause they#knew each other for quite a while and were undeniably close. even lived together and whatnot. and all tachibana really got to say when he#found out oda was probably dead was just. well just that. that heâs probably dead. I feel like he shouldâve gotten to be more shook by that#and/or more deeply conflicted and pained by the combination of his potential death for makotos safety and his responsibility for#trafficking her in the first place. thatâs. such a deep well of complicated emotions to sort out and they really did absolutely nothing#with it. like. it makes me wanna write something thatâs how much is There that was unused. so much with that relationship in general really.#hhhhâŠ.. anyway I should shut up now#jun oda#oda#yakuza#yakuza 0#rgg#rgg0#rambling#oh yeah also. hating him is understandable but you have to then apply the same judgement to all characters who have done some real shitty#stuff in their pasts to get by- which is quite a few characters- including lee whoâs far more liked and was a literal hitman#(saying that as someone who also likes him as a character quite a bit and Likes that heâs in a moral grey zone) so. yeah.#yakuza 0 spoilers
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#idk how to phrase it better but some tumblr-isms are like. i have just about had enough#and donât get me wrong itâs all social media but the extent that tumblr has it going on is so fucking amplified#it seems like people here in general are just looking to find things they deem âwrongâ about others or their opinions#and immediately denounce them or flame them for it#like. saying people here have no concept of none of my business is an understatement thatâs not even what i mean#it just feels like people are so obsessed with making giant blanket statements and stay ready to flame anyone who doesnât think the same wa#iâm not saying some things are objectively wrong or objectively bad. i just mean some people make Everything their business#and try to crack open other people and make Them their business which. theyâre not???#like not every single fucking thing is discourse my GOD#also god forbid a nuanced opinion. sorry for saying that word i know itâs not allowed around here (đ) but. ? hello??#idk how to formulate this better so youâll have to deal with this just rant train of thought#but itâs getting fucking exhausting. iâve been exhausted for months but like it has worn me way down iâm sick of it#there isnât anything for me to actively do about it but. iâm just saying#oh also the superiority complex is so out of hand lol youâre not better than anyone else for being more ready to flame your peers#for lack of a better word#ok now iâm done. for now
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listen I could make this a literal essay but I won't. tl;dr: I don't get why people get so angry about the concepts of demons or monsters being nice. for starters, if you read mythology, demons are pretty fucking chill; it's not all about fucking with humans. plus it's so boring to see the same plot regurgitated in movies and whatnot about evil demons wanting to ruin humans lives or some crap like that.
#look i'll admit i'm a nerd i love mythology and i love things based off or inspired by mythology!#but like...i'll be real. i've got some issues with religion from how i was raised. i don't like mainstream religion#i was raised with the idea of a god who doesn't seem very kind. at least if they're anything like the followers - i'm not interested!#but demonic and pagan deities seem so human. they do good and bad things. they love and they hate. that feels more real to me#of course this is super watered down sparknotes version of this train of thought and everyone's entitled to their own opinions!#but i'm so tired of 'why are the demons nice' or 'i wanted them to be mean' well i don't. even if fictional versions!#the world is cruel already man maybe i want to believe in kind gods. don't care where they come from (though i am pretty biased to be fair)#like...real demons have nuance. they're not all what you'd consider evil. most teach things! i think they're pretty cool imo#anyway. no bothering me with spam messages about proselytizing or 'you're going to hell' don't care didn't ask go away#speech bubbles#ask me to tag
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look in my personal experience 9 times out of 10 if a post is saying a vaguely generalised group of people, usually a nationality / country / whatever, is doing this thing, often there's a specific group sometimes with a name even who are actually doing that thing and i do think in an age where a lot of people are getting their information specificity becomes very important
#this applies to groups you support and groups you don't. often times there IS a more specific responsible party you can point to and doing#that is significantly more productive. aligning responsibility with a very large group is not helpful and only ever seems to achieve#alienation. i don't think this applies in all cases (news headlines have to generalise as a style thing but even then there's nuance)#but when you're trying to raise awareness there are better ways to do ir#anyway this post brought to you by me being frustrated Again.#but fundamentally: do not take this as gospel i am an idiot on the internet you do not know#neon has thoughts#turning off reblogs because i am Not risking tumblr reading comprehension on this one
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#im going to preface this by saying this is all really vague and personal and not funny#but its a gigantic step for me in terms of recovery and my bestie is busy#and im filled with anxiety so my thoughts have to go somewhere so it goes on my blog#which is i think how blogs are kind of supposed to work?#anyway#a year and a half ago some shit happened that kicked off about eight months of steadily building relationship traumas#that i felt stuck in because i was doing dnd with the people actively making my life miserable#and theres so much god damn nuance that it makes it impossible to concisely explain what happened#but the end result is that i lost all of my friends and it really truly wasnt my fault at all#and anyway now ive been diagnosed with pstd over the whole fiasco#and tonight i sent a message to the person who started it all#basically like 'hey i wasnt able to defend myself before but i can now you abused the hell out of me'#but they were never of the notion that they were ever wrong#and theyre friends with people im still friends with#i know that i blew up the evening for their discord server#and based on what ive been told it doesnt seem to be going exceptionally well#but when i apologized i was told twice in no uncertain terms that its okay#so i am attempting to will my heartbeat back into my control#sorry for being all personal but also this is my blog so i guess im not really#i had to cask of amontillado the part of me thats a nosy bitch though so i didnt unblock them to see if they responded#ill get her out in the morning shes fine in there
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I can't sleep :(
Rant in tags it's long
#i didnt want to but like i didnt really have a choice#i feel like an asshole in this situation even though Objectively i'm not#but it's because i'm 99% sure i burned bridges for bf too not just me#this would be an angry brother posting but. this isn't about how much i dislike the guy it's about how much i CARE#if your partner's brother was drunk as hell would you hide the key to his bike?#would you try to prevent his grandma from telling him she found it; knowing that she knows he's shitfaced?#knowing they'll give him the key and let him drive away?#knowing they'll forget that this is not the first time and won't be the last? that he crashes the bike at least once every 2 weeks#knowing that they're denying what drunk looks like due to past trauma with alcoholism (not the issue but relevant)#if your partner's brother was drunk; obtained the key; put it in the ignition threatening to drive somewhere ON A FUCKING BIKE#would you call the cops? because i did. i know acab and all but like.#do i just let him drive away and crash for possibly the double digit-th time? definitely can count it on two hands#do i let him drive away drunk and possibly never come back?#do i let that come to pass? i literally would never forgive myself. i dont even like the guy but i dont wish ill upon him#we tried so hard to prevent her from telling him. we really did. i know she was trying to calm him down but like. idk man#i feel fucked up and i dont know why#i wasn't trying to put him in jail i was trying to save his life. not that he would believe me or care#unfortunately for him his bike was against him. it is visually fucked up and battered and you can Tell it's been crashed multiple times#but what makes me the angriest is that his grandma and mom don't seem to fucking care? like AT ALL#they know he's drunk but they just care about not having conflict (as if that'll solve anything)#bf told him 'if you get on that bike im calling the cops' which is obvs met with 'do it pussy'#so i walked away and called them. he thought i was bluffing the whole time. i was not. they need to learn that shits not cool#everything is so fucking nuanced it's ridiculous. my hands were tied i genuinely didnt see any other way#if you read all this you are a trooper and i'm sorry you wasted your time on my drama but i needed to get this out and maybe i can sleep#its fucking 3:09am rip
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as far as jack could tell, jervis was really out of it; and it made him wonder it was due to something that had happened while he was out with his father, or when they'd gotten here. perhaps both. jack gnawed on his bottom lip, his eyes darting to jervis's hands, which were flexing like he was struggling with something. an eyebrow rose as jack contemplated asking whether he needed some pain medication.
since he didn't receive an answer to his question yet, jack figured he might as well introduce himself. â uhh, well, you don't have to talk to me if you aren't feeling up to it. my sister told me that you fainted in front of her out there â so, i understand if you're still feeling sick. my name is jack, â he scratched at the back of his neck as he continued to observe jervis. whenever the man tried to get up, jack approached him and was about to caution jervis that maybe he shouldn't by lightly touching his shoulder.
but he remembered matilda telling him something about the other really not liking to be touched, so he merely was going to verbally tell him. up until jervis laid back down himself, anyhow. jack couldn't hold himself back from frowning at his poor present state before venturing out of the room with a 'i'll be right back.' and indeed he had been, with two different vials, alongside a few syringes to inject into that IV bag: should jervis want to be medicated. jack figured it'd be easier to just do that rather than forcing him to swallow anything.
he placed those also on the table before tilting his head at the quote jervis had said until it clicked a few seconds later, â that's a quote from through the looking glass, isn't it? and one that the red queen said in the story if i remember correctly. she was basically teaching alice that staying in the same place is falling behind, right? â jack squinted his eyes at that before a thought came to mind. a soft snort left him, but one that was done of an innocent sort of amusement rather than malice. â that is a kind of roundabout way of talking about survival of the fittest. but hey, lewis carroll was all about the whimsy of things, i guess. and its no big deal. â
jack pretended not to see the tears that the other shed for jervis's own sake. the blood on his lips was something he couldn't ignore, no matter how hard he tried, though. jack grabbed a washcloth from his pack and held it out towards's jervis's hand. once it was out of his hand was when jack set down that teacup, the slightly too long stripped pants he wore swaying across the ground. â mm, you and dad were both asleep for nearly four hours. sure â i don't think that's silly at all. i keep something on me all the time from when my brother, julien, was still around. â the bracelet he showed the other on his right wrist then seemed to be made up entirely of tiny conch shells.
julien was a big fan of the sea, which jack thought made his death all the more crushing. after seeing the state that the stuffed animal was in, he figured that that bunny must've been really loved; though it didn't really matter by whom it was. the end result was the same, as love changes you. jack knew this well as he'd never wanted anything more than to be embraced by the warmth of it.
he quickly shook that thought off, only to grab the two vials he got from the fridge once more. â eh... the four hours actually went by rather fast. â jack cleared his throat then, â you know, i couldn't help but notice that you aren't looking so hot still, and so i grabbed some meds for you. but i won't force you to take them. i have a pain reliever as well as something that relieves vertigo. are either, or both of these, something you want? â
Eigengrau.
A faint hum buzzed in his ears; his mouth was so dry it felt like heâd swallowed a wad of wool.
The thin sheet beneath him brushed his fingertips as Jervis flexed his hands, cracking his eyes open a sliver. The room tilted, everything blurring at the edges. Ah⊠so he had fainted. Just as heâd suspected. No glasses, then.
"Hey. Ahh, you're awake⊠That's awesome. How are you feeling?"
The new voice was barely a whisper, young and uncertainâbelonging to a boy, maybe sixteen or eighteen by the timber. Was this another of Barton's assistants, a friend of Matildaâs, or perhaps her brother? Jervis couldnât quite remember; hadn't Barton mentioned something about having more than one child?
He winced, his body feeling heavy, leaden; aching everywhere. Slowly, he exhaled and tried to push himself uprightâtried being the keyword. The effort brought only a wave of vertigo, dizzying and blue-hot, making his vision swim.
⊠ohh, godâŠ
He swallowed thickly, curling into himself. Something wasnât right. His glasses and gloves werenât the only thing missing. He was in his socks, jeans, and a now damp charcoal t-shirt, his body slick with cold sweat. His graying auburn curls clung to his neck in tangled ropes. His boots were beside the cot, his messenger bag on a desk across the room. His overcoat and maroon button-down were draped over a chair.
A flicker of discomfort in his right arm. Burning. Tugging.
Jervis glanced down at the source: a plastic tube. A peripheral IV catheter.
"Ah, you know... 'It takes all the running you can do, to stay in the same place,'" he muttered, his voice clipped and hollow; Bermudian accent casual, almost detached. He turned his eyes to the boy; offered him a faint, strained smile. "Keeps things interesting, I suppose... but I appreciate your concern, lad."
He lifted his fingers to his cheek, feeling the moisture trickle downâsalt on his lips. Tears, sharp and stinging. Jervis flinched and quickly scrubbed them away with the heels of his hands.
Cold metal pressed into his spine, tight around his neckâthe chain with his and Sylvieâs wedding rings twisted against his skin. He mustâve been thrashing in his sleep. There was blood on his lips.
"Forgive meâŠ" His vision swam as he watched the boy set a teacup on the small table beside the cot, just within view. "But I'm afraid I've rather lost my sense of time. How long has it been since IâŠ?" He paused, his voice barely steady. "... if... if you donât mind, could you please reach into my coat pocket? You'll find a small cuddly toy. A rabbit..." He rubbed his mouth, lowered his eyes. "It sounds foolish, I know... but it... it was my daughter's, you see..."
The boy nodded, moving quickly to retrieve the toy from Jervisâ coat pocket, and placed it on the table beside the teacup. The bunny was missing one of its button eyes, its white fur faded and matted. A pink satin ribbon around its neck was frayed and tattered.
âThank you,â Jervis said hoarsely. âI must have been out of it for quite a while.â
#divingdownthehole#tw: mentions of child death.#tw: medication.#tw: illness.#ooh okay okay đ that song was also a really good listen while reading your reply! like GAH you are just so good at selecting songs-#that capture the vibes of your replies perfectly tbhhh. BUT hiii!! and aww well i was just telling you the truth about how i felt but#its no problem at all emi!!! and OMG really? honestly i didn't get that impression at all as i thought your reply perfectly described-#just how complex the effects of trauma on a person can be as characters are a reflection of real life people so it only makes sense-#that jervis's mind is just... so chocked full of images related to the things he's been through despite him not wanting to be reliving#these events or seeing them anymore you know? and i honestly can't blame him for seemingly not wanting to do either of those things as#recovery + healing isn't really ever a straight path as you pointed out there. thus i didn't think any of it was overdramaticized or#anything of that nature! so don't worry you're totally good with that!! but yeah jervis as a character has really been dealt a bad hand#in my opinion and that's really unfortunate because no one deserves having to lose their parents or lose their daughter ):#and jervis is at a spot in his timeline where he has still lost alice relatively recently right? so that's just. UGH i feel so bad for him#tbh as having to experiencing one of your kids dying sounds really terrible.#but AWW well thank you so much for saying so!! it makes me so happy to hear that you're always excited for them. but yeahhh-#trust me when i say their madness may be even worse when they're just amongst themselves unfortunately enough ahahhh... đ« #but i'm so honored? that you were intrigued?? by my description of him??? like AHHH i'm giving you the biggest hug RN and i just-#want to say TYSM once more!!! but yes i'm not going to lie because jack + julien were basically like brothers before barton-#even came along jack was very attached to him and julien didn't like killing people either so he was sort of a good influence on him#which might be part of the reason why he is the way he is now TBH but sadly dysfunctional family dynamics often leave people#suffering in their own way from it as you said. but AHH thank you!! you're so sweet PLSSS like i'm glad that you find him interesting-#BC he is a good person at heart unlike barton but they contrast in a different way than say jervis and him would since he tries-#to live his life down the straight and narrow buttt that doesn't always happen for him. and yesss barton is back to bother everyone / hj#LOLLL but gosh you're right!! i think i remember you mentioning it back then :00 but yeah i did some casual research on on it when you-#mentioned the quote in your reply and i thought that the red queen hypothesis had something to do with darwin's survival of the fittest-#idea + it turns out that i was right so i am somewhat proud of myself for that NGL lmao but TBH that is just another example of you-#using such good character writing with jervis because subtext and nuance is like one of those things that i find hard to write sometimes#but what a character doesn't say is also just as important AS what they say so its interesting that you'd bring that up. but huh i never-#actually thought of it that way before but that does definitely seem to check out if i'm being honest. BC grief never truly goes-
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what would you do if I went to touch you now? - riki
pairing: younger!nishimura riki x older!reader genre: office romance, flirty niki, workplace tension, niki teaches you japanese. summary: despite your best efforts to maintain professionalism, the undeniable tension between you and riki makes it impossible to resist the connection growing between you. it doesn't help that he calls you "noona" at work. warnings: suggestive, kissing, implied smut word count: 2.7k
your professional relationship with riki had been straightforward when he first started. quiet and shy, he took careful notes during meetings, absorbing the work culture like a sponge. as his mentor, you were tasked with guiding him through the ropes, ensuring he understood the nuances of the company.
âmake sure he knows what heâs doing,â your boss had instructed, handing you the responsibility like a personal mission. and you took it seriously. riki was younger by a few years, in need of your guidance. at first, he seemed timid, his questions asked in soft tones, his posture always slightly defensive, as if afraid of stepping out of line. you naturally fell into a nurturing role, steering him whenever he seemed unsure, offering advice when necessary. but as time passed, riki's confidence grew, along with a noticeable shift in your dynamic.
it started subtlyâsmall changes in his attitude. his work improved dramatically, and soon he was strutting around with a smirk, leaning back in his chair like he owned the place. his newfound cockiness was relentless, even though you reminded him to stay focused.
âriki,â you sighed, standing by his desk, flipping through his presentation slides. âi told you to cross-reference these with last quarterâs data. this is incomplete.â
he leaned back, arms crossed over his chest, the corner of his mouth twitching into a grin. âi was going to fix it, but i thought iâd leave some for you to correct, noona. keeps me humble.â
you narrowed your eyes, unamused. âthis isnât a game. you canât slack off just because youâre comfortable. these clients are important, and if we donât get this right, itâs on both of us.â
his grin faltered, but just as quickly, he masked it with a wink. âgot it. iâll fix it. but only if you promise to let me take you out for dinner when we nail this project.â
you shook your head, suppressing a smile. âthis is serious. you missed an email i asked you to forward last week. and calling me ânoonaâ here at work? we need to keep this professional.â
riki straightened, the playful glint in his eyes dimming. âright,â he said, his voice softer. âiâll keep it professional. but you canât blame me for trying.â
you couldnât help but roll your eyes, but deep down, you felt a rush of excitement at his boldness. âi want those revisions by the end of the day, riki. and no more flirting until this is done.â
âyes, maâam,â he replied, a mock salute on his part, and for the first time in weeks, there was no teasing in his tone.
now, the two of you were working on a critical project, preparing a proposal for a japanese client your company was eager to sign. it wasnât just a regular pitch; this deal was hugeâa make-or-break moment that could lead to long-term collaboration. you had thrown yourself into the task, familiarizing yourself with every detail of the project. but there was one problem: the language barrier. the client preferred to communicate in japanese, and while you had learned some phrases, you were nowhere near fluent.
thatâs when it struck youâriki was fluent in japanese. you recalled him casually mentioning it one afternoon, and now that you needed the skill, you struck a deal with him: heâd tutor you in japanese after work, and in return, youâd ensure his involvement in the project didnât go unnoticed by the higher-ups. a fair exchange, strictly professional, you told yourself.
later that night, during one of your lessons, the atmosphere crackled with unspoken tension. riki sat across from you, leaning forward as you practiced reading a passage. you stumbled over a phrase, and his sharp gaze caught your mistake.
âno,â he corrected, his voice low and firm, sending shivers down your spine. âitâs nihon, not nee-hon. youâre stressing the first syllable too much.â
his tone was both authoritative and teasing, igniting a spark of mischief that made your heart race. âletâs go over that phrase again,â he said, his voice soft yet commanding. you nodded, struggling to focus, but the heat radiating from his body made it impossible to think clearly.
âtry it one more time, noona,â he urged, leaning in closer, his breath brushing against your ear. the closeness sent a jolt of electricity coursing through you, and you instinctively shifted, seeking a little more space.
âum, okay,â you stammered, trying to keep your composure, but the way he looked at youâa mix of amusement and something deeperâmade your cheeks flush. âiâm trying.â
riki leaned in even closer, his shoulder pressing against yours. âyouâre not trying hard enough,â he teased, a smirk playing on his lips. âwhatâs the matter? feeling a little shy?â
âshy? no,â you protested, your voice barely above a whisper. âi justââ
âjust what?â he interrupted, his gaze piercing into yours, his confidence unwavering. âcanât handle a little pressure?â
your heart raced at the challenge in his voice. âat work, iâm your superior, riki. you need to respect that.â
ârespect?â he echoed, leaning back just enough to gauge your reaction. âor maybe you need to realize that iâm not the junior anymore. youâre the one who seems to struggle with that.â his eyes danced with mischief, and you felt a thrill race through you.
âriki,â you warned, but your voice faltered, unable to hide the quiver of excitement that danced beneath your words.
âtell me youâre not interested,â he challenged, leaning closer, their faces mere inches apart. the air thickened with tension, and you could feel his warmth enveloping you. âbecause i know you feel it too.â
before you could respond, the sudden power cut plunged the office into darkness, leaving only the dim emergency lights flickering above. your heart pounded, and the adrenaline heightened every sensation.
âwell, i guess thatâs the end of tonightâs lesson,â you attempted to joke, but your voice trembled, revealing your unease.
rikiâs eyes glinted in the low light, a devilish grin spreading across his face. âno, weâre not done.â he leaned closer again, his hand brushing against yours, sending a wave of heat up your arm.
you pulled back slightly, heart racing. âriki, this isnâtââ
âisnât what?â he whispered, his voice a low murmur that sent a thrill down your spine. âwe both know thereâs something between us.â
you opened your mouth to protest, but the urgency in his gaze silenced you. your breath hitched at the finality in his tone. the professional barrier you had carefully constructed was crumbling.
âwe should go,â you muttered, fumbling to gather your things. but riki reached out, his hand brushing against yours, halting your movements.
âwe could go to your place,â he suggested, his voice dangerously low. âfinish the lesson there.â
the implications hung heavily between you. you met his gaze, searching for any trace of the playful riki youâd trained, the one whoâd always danced around the line but never crossed it. but there was nothing playful in his expression nowâonly a raw intensity that made your skin prickle.
you nodded, unable to trust your voice, and within moments, you were heading out of the office together. the ride to your apartment was silent, the weight of what was about to happen sitting thick between you.
the door to your apartment clicked shut behind you, and the familiar surroundings only heightened the surreal nature of what was happening. you barely had time to turn on a light before riki was in front of you, his presence magnetic. the silence between you was thick with everything left unsaid, but his gazeâintense, burningâspoke volumes.
for a moment, neither of you moved, both caught in the tension that had been building for weeks. his eyes swept over your face, lingering on your lips as if contemplating his next move. you stood your ground, refusing to back away even as your pulse raced in anticipation.
âyouâre still thinking about work, arenât you?â his voice was low, teasing. he stepped closer, just close enough that the warmth of his body radiated through the space between you. âalways so professional, noona.â
you swallowed, feeling the flutter of nerves in your stomach. âsomeone has to keep things in check,â you replied, though your voice faltered just slightly, betraying the tug of desire that made your skin prickle with anticipation.
he chuckled, soft and deep. âmaybe itâs time you stopped thinking for once.â
before you could react, his hand slid up your arm, fingers curling gently around the nape of your neck as he pulled you toward him. his lips met yours in a kiss that was far from the playful teasing you were used to. it was hungry, intense, like he had been waiting for this moment as long as you had. the taste of him was intoxicating, and before you realized it, you were kissing him back with just as much need.
your back hit the wall softly as his body pressed into yours, every inch of him enveloping you, filling the space around you. his hands trailed down your sides, fingers ghosting over the fabric of your blouse before dipping under the hem, finding bare skin.
âriki,â you whispered, breaking the kiss for a breath, but your voice was breathless, needy. his name left your lips like a confession.
his lips barely left yours as he responded, his voice a raspy whisper. âyou keep acting like youâre in control, noona,â he murmured against your skin, his hands now slipping around your waist, pulling you even closer. âbut i donât think you are anymore.â
the challenge in his voice made something inside you snap. you wanted to respond, to assert yourself as you always had, but the heat between you was overwhelming, and before you could muster a reply, his lips were on your neck, pressing soft, hot kisses along your skin that left you trembling.
âiâm not the kid you used to boss around,â he murmured between kisses, his breath warm against your ear. âyou canât keep treating me like i donât know what iâm doing.â
his hands slid lower, and you gasped as his touch became more insistent, his fingers deftly working to unbutton your blouse. his lips returned to yours, and this time, the kiss was slower, deeper, as if he wanted to savor every second. there was nothing hurried about the way his hands roamed your body, exploring with a confidence that made your head spin.
you tugged at his shirt, pulling it over his head in one swift motion, your fingertips brushing over the smooth lines of his chest. he was handsome, undeniably so, but up close like thisâunderneath the layers of work clothes and the carefully constructed professionalismâhe was breathtaking. your hands trailed over his skin, feeling the tautness of his muscles, the way his breath hitched slightly as you touched him.
he grinned against your lips as you pressed your body into his, feeling the hardness of his form against you. âsee?â he whispered, his voice rough with desire. âyou canât even resist me now, noona.â
you wanted to argue, to assert your authority as you always had, but the way he looked at youâlike he knew exactly how to unravel youâleft you powerless.
his hands made quick work of the rest of your clothes, every movement deliberate, controlled. he was no longer the shy, uncertain junior you had once guided. here, in the dim light of your apartment, riki was commanding, confident, and he knew exactly what he was doing.
he lifted you effortlessly, carrying you to the bedroom, laying you down with a gentleness that contrasted with the heat of the moment. and then he was over you, his hands exploring, his lips trailing over your skin in ways that made your breath hitch. you responded in kind, your fingers digging into his back, pulling him closer, needing him closer.
when his mouth found yours again, it was softer this time, but no less intense. his touch was slow, deliberate, as if he wanted to memorize every inch of your body, every gasp and shiver he elicited. you couldnât help the sounds that escaped you, soft whimpers that only seemed to spur him on.
âdonât think just because iâm calling you ânoonaâ that iâll let you keep this up,â he teased, his lips brushing against your ear, sending shivers down your spine. âyouâre not the only one who can take charge.â
the air between you was charged with desire, thick with the tension that had been simmering for so long. every touch, every breath shared between you was electric, sending waves of pleasure rippling through your body. you had never imagined thisâbeing here, with him, in this wayâbut now that you were, there was no going back.
and when he finally claimed you, when the last barriers between you fell away, it was like everything else disappeared. there was no work, no professionalism, no rulesâjust you and him, bodies moving together in perfect sync, lost in the heat of the moment.
the world outside faded into oblivion, and all that remained was the sound of your mingled breaths, the feeling of his skin against yours, the way he made you feel as though you were the only two people who mattered.
and in that moment, nothing else did.
âi still do want to take you on a dinner date though," riki said, breaking the silence with a light-hearted lilt that hung in the air like a sweet melody.
you pulled back slightly, your eyes searching his, as if seeking confirmation that this wasnât just a fleeting fantasy. âreally?â the question slipped out before you could hold it back, a mix of surprise and delight dancing in your voice.
âyeah, really,â he replied, his smile growing wider. âjust you and me. somewhere nice. maybe italian? i hear they have the best pasta in town.â
his words wrapped around you like a warm embrace, grounding you in the moment. you could feel your heart quicken, the anticipation stirring something deep within you. âthat sounds perfect. when do you want to go?â
âhow about friday?â he suggested, his eyes sparkling with mischief. âiâll even let you choose the place.â
a laugh escaped your lips, the sound light and airy. âi hope youâre ready for my pick then. i might take you to the best italian place in town, and youâll be regretting it the next day.â
riki chuckled, the warmth of his laughter making your heart flutter. âiâll take that risk. besides, i have a feeling itâll be worth it.â
in that moment, as the soft glow of the streetlights seeped through the window, you felt the weight of the week lift, replaced by the promise of something beautiful on the horizon. but just as the excitement began to settle in, you were pulled back to reality by the sound of your phone vibrating against the table, a harsh reminder of the world outside this blissful bubble.
you glanced at the screen, and the moment slipped slightly, the glow of notifications flickering like an unwelcome reminder. it was a message from a friend, checking in about the weekend plans.
âsorry, i should probablyââ you started, but riki gently took your hand, grounding you again.
âhey,â he said softly, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. âyou can always reply later. right now, letâs focus on us.â
you looked back at him, the connection reigniting. the moment stretched out like an unbroken thread between you, the world beyond the walls of this room fading once more into insignificance. you nodded, your heart soaring as you settled back into the warmth of his gaze, the future bright and inviting.
âso, friday it is?â you confirmed, your voice steady and full of excitement.
âdefinitely,â riki replied, a grin breaking across his face, as if he had just won a victory.
and just like that, the evening unfolded around you, a delicate balance of playful teasing and soft confessions, a new chapter beginning to write itself in the quiet spaces between your laughter.
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