#with my limited 2 person pov switch of the main fic

[phaerlax]

For the character ask game- rin

This is gonna be severely limited by the fact that Bad Purple Man isn't a real character but let's go!

First impression

Alight hello mister mysterious antagonist. Are you Huey? I don't really care tbh...

Impression now

I'm pleased with the direction his character seems to be going as of NEON Carnival 2. Still a yandere obsessed with earning Eiden's affection, but it seems like the story will in some way resolve his desire to kill the clan members, making it into milder jealousy. Seems like he might be 'around' but not fully integrated/respected by the others, like a pricklier version of Kuya.

Kolt and the Council of Sorcery will take his place as main antagonists, I think, with Rin actually opposing them in such a way as to help along the redemption/switcharoo.

Favorite moment

Well this is a short list to pick from, at least XD It has to be his voice reveal at the start of the second revel, together with the premise of jinxing everyone with reverse personality magic. That was very fun, and I enjoy his voice. It was also cool when he fought Dante I guess.

Idea for a story

So here's the thing: I'm very canon compliant. My imagination is usually limited by what canon has explored, and I dislike writing speculative fic. I do have a Rin/Rei fic, but it makes heavy use of Rei's PoV and keeps Rin's motives mysterious because I myself don't know them. There's only so much mileage one can get out of that trick! I need to know more about his place in the story and his worldview.

I do get the occasional Rin thought, but it's mostly motivated by wanting to whump wolfboy and knowing that even Kuya might be too soft for it. I've joked about an AU in which Aster summoned Rin instead of Eiden and he's toxic to all the clan members, but I feel that character wouldn't be Rin, just someone's evil OC with Rin's aesthetic.

Unpopular opinion

I think that his relationship to Eiden is some bullshit Square Enix split persona stuff, but if it was actual blood incest I wouldn't care. Gay incest is hot. Please put in the newspaper that Phaerlax said gay incest is hot.

Favorite relationship

He only has one. But it's a good one. I enjoy a good yandere.

Favorite headcanon

To fully serve as a mirror to Eiden (and theoretically fulfill all his desires), Rin is a switch. He brings 'service' vibes to sex but the service is unrequested.

[spice-honey]

Fanfiction POV

Here's another writing guide on a topic I've discussed at length with many of my writing pals.

Which one is the best?

Well, they are all good when done well and all bad if done poorly. But, ultimately it depends on what kind of relationship you want between your characters and the reader.

1st person: "I" and "We"

A lot of people love to shit on this POV because most badly written fanfics are told this way. We all think in 1st person POV, and I find a lot of people who write internal monologues or struggle with narration usually choose this one.

This story is told from the main character's pov which is great if you want to get into the mindset of one character and one character only. It's great for intimacy and immersion as well as credibility - we trust what it's being said right away without questioning it. Which means you can also turn agaisnt the reader and create an unreliable narrator for extra fun and intrigue. However, descriptions can be tricky, and if you spend too much time mulling over internal struggles the main character can come across whiny and unlikeable. Sentence structure can also be difficult to write, starting every new phrase with "I" can be boring to read.

2nd person: "you" and the famous "y/n"

Not common in literature but in our fanfic world I'll always have a soft spot for it. It creates the most sense of intimacy between the narrator and the other characters, and it also allows you to forgo much of the backstory of the narrator, since the narrator is the reader. It is great for spicy one-shots. In long fics, however, you start to lose the suspense and the ability to tell a full story. You will break the immersion by making "you" do something the reader would not do or agree with.

3rd person Limited: "he/she/name"

It's my personal bread and butter as I love to write original characters with fully developed backstories, AND I love to switch POVs from the main character to the love interest, to the villain. You still get to write about their feelings and their point of view and their perspective of the events. This POV gives you 2 great tools:

tell a scene from character A's POV, then retell it from character B's POV and reveal two completely different sets of information.

you reveal secrets to the reader that character A knows and character B doesn't. So you get to witness a scene from B's POV knowing all of A's hidden intentions and B does not. It's letting the reader in the secret, and into the tension of the scene.

It's a different way of creating intimacy between the reader and the characters. It's great for twists, drama and action stories. You can also substitute pronouns by their names and nicknames to prevent repetition. But make sure when you are writing about 2 characters of the same gender in the same sentence to differentiate who you are talking about. Starting every sentence with he/she or name every time can also be boring to read.

3rd person Omniscient: "he/she/name"

It's a "God-like" viewpoint. You can disclose information to the reader that the characters themselves might not know, and tell them things the characters might not see. You can also go through multiple characters' feelings and experiences in the same page. It is great for comedy as well as for creating tension. However, flashbacks can be confusing using this one.

Breaking the 4th wall

Can you use more than one? Yes. You can write 1st or 3rd person and address the reader (2nd person) when highlighting a feeling you want the readers to connect to.

"John caught a glimpse of her diary sitting on the desk. You just know he was dying to read it".

You can also reveal an ominous twist switching from 3rd person limited to 3rd person omniscient.

"She slammed the car door shut and walked down the dirt road, too angry to tell him anything else. She could hear John driving away, leaving her stranded in the silent darkness.

What she didn't know, was that she would never see him again."

You just have to pick your moments and make them count. So, there is no right or wrong answer. Whatever you choose, make sure it fits the story you want to tell and that you execute it well

[crying-over-cartoons]

NWOD ASK EVENTTTT

how do you choose what pov to write from? do you prefer the beginning/middle/end of a fic?

oh yay, an ask!

i always write in 3rd person. growing up, almost all the books i read were in third person, and that seems to be the default for fanfiction as well. to be more specific, i generally write in 3rd person limited, meaning that the story is being narrated by someone who can see inside the main character's head, but not anyone else's. POV can switch, but usually each scene only shows a single character's internal monologue. for my current WIP (my zane-centric whump series) this character is usually zane, but some scenes show the internal monologue/emotions of other characters, such as jay, pixal, and lloyd.

other types of 3rd person include: 3rd person omniscient, where the narrator can see into everyone's head at once, allowing for a number of perspectives in any given scene, and 3rd person objective, where no character's internal monologue is given, requiring the reader to figure it out from the dialogue and actions. i don't usually use these perspectives because i find omniscient to be a bit too much for me to juggle, and i find objective to be too limiting (people who can pull these off effectively, i am applauding you).

as for other perspectives, i'm not sure why i don't write in 1st person. it has similarities to 3rd person limited, but can add an additional layer of the character's biases if you do it right. i'll have to practice 1st at some point. with 2nd, in fic spaces, this is used almost exclusively for reader-inserts, which i neither write nor read (no shade to anyone who does, it's just not my thing). i did once read an excellent fic with a transmasc main character written in second person. with this POV, it kind of forced me as a reader to recognize what the main character was going through as a dysphoric, closeted trans man and apply it to myself (a mostly non-dysphoric transmasc nonbinary who didn't know half of those words yet). i read this fic before i really understood my own gender identity, and i think it helped me internalize some things i otherwise might not have gotten until a while later. i can't find the fic right now, which is really a shame... i know the fandom was Danny Phantom, and that the fic is several years old by now, but not much else.

another usage of 2nd person is in choose-your-own-adventure type stories. since the reader is an active participant in the story, 2nd person is a natural choice. i don't have any fics in this format that i know off the top of my head, but The Stanley Parable is an excellent example- it's a video game where the narrator continuously refers to you, Stanley, or the player. it's also just has really excellent writing in general. if you're into weird time loop shenanigans, i'd suggest giving it a try.

ok, i spent more time on that question than i meant to... as for the second, i usually start with wherever i have an idea for. oftentimes, this is the beginning, but sometimes its an event that doesn't happen until 2/3rds of the way through. my current WIP is a series of oneshots based off of 30 prompts, and i've been writing them in nearly random order. whenever i have an idea for a prompt, i write it down, and then flesh it out over time. i also have an original story that i've been slowly rotating in my mind for many years, and the scenes in that story are written in whatever order i come up with them in, and then shuffled around and connected until they make sense.

tangentially related, i have a document on my computer called "overflowing trash bin in the sky" (referencing a piece of advice from Spilling Ink: A Young Writer's Handbook, which i would recommend to pretty much anyone who wants to get started with writing fiction. it's aimed at kids, but i continue to use advice from it to this day). this document has everything i've ever cut from another document, as well as what it was cut from and why. sometimes you have to kill your darlings, but sometimes those darlings would be better off in the freezer until you find somewhere better for them- maybe with a few changes or adjustments.

thank you for the ask, hope you don't mind that i ended up rambling for.... a while, lol. i'm very passionate about this stuff, apparently.

[orcelito]

If I were to write one-shots for side discacc things I wonder what I would even tag it as. Like me contemplating writing ryuji & yusuke snippets. But also I could write other things. N also would I even tag for soulmates au if I did put it in their tag??? Bc it is one but they're Not soulmates. That's the Point. Bc Trope Subversion & w/e, but I feel like there's that expectation that a pairing tagged with that Is the focused pair. Which discacc doesn't discount, since its trope subversion is more in the background pairs & also the way romance isn't Assumed between them (even if that's where it's leading)

Would ryukita shippers be mad at me if I put some one-shots in their tag? Even if they never read the main fic I think a nice festival not-date would be cute to read. 🤔🤔🤔 things to think about i guess

[olderthannetfic]

Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.

TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.

A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.

This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?

I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.

(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)

But I digress.

The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.

Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.

Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.

And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.

That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.

I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!

I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.

Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.

I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)

I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?

And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."

So the question I would ask of people is this:

What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?

What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?

And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)

IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.

If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.

Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.

I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.

I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.

[darter-blue]

Okay, so someone I dearly love has asked me for a little helpful advice on how to get started writing. I take this as an ENORMOUS compliment because - well,,, you know me, anyway, focus, sorry. Okay.

So.

This was this question, about a brilliant set of ideas that have been put to paper and are desperate to be made into a fic:

‘I think we actually want to try and write it but....how???? Do you have any quick tips for me?’

And I do!

Okay let me start with the first and it is this -

There is no right or wrong way to write.

There is no process that is a holy grail. Everyone is different and everyone works differently and it’s so important to know that if something is not working for you - try something new. Don’t give up. Just shift to a new process. And keep shifting until you find your stride

(this is especially true of how and were you write, listen to music or alone in a quiet room, in marathon 3 hour sessions or do 2 x 20 min sprints in a week. Its totally up to you).

That said, there are a lot of really helpful writing aids out there, that are free, and easily accessible if you have a computer or a library card, and you can and should look at websites/books that give you tips for the following:

formatting

grammar

syntax

rhythm

Try something like this: https://firstmanuscript.com/format-dialogue/ which is laid out really well and gives you amazing tips on how to write dialogue

Or this: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/active-vs-passive-voice/ which is a great and easily understandable way to improve your active voice over passive (which will make your writing snappier and sharper)

Okay and I’ll prefix the rest by saying - this is helpful tips on my process, and  what works for me - so take that with a grain of salt because - as I said before - everyone is different. Remember that.

Write a plan or a map.

At the very least - if you are not a map/plan kind  of person... Write down three things, the beginning, the middle, and the end. It’s really important that you have an end in place -and that can be as simple as ‘They get together’ especially if it’s stucky or a similar ship.

What your reader wants is a narrative that follows a thread - and that will weave its way back to itself. Even if its a simple romance or rom com, have the characters work their way to some kind of resolution that was obvious from the beginning. and a map - even a really basic one - is the easiest way to make that happen.

Flesh out your characters

Write a character dossier, even a super simple one, even for fanfic.

You want your characters to seem real and relatable. And the best way to do that is to give them a background - even a quick one. And then give them a unique voice, way of speaking (use your dialogue or internal voice) and make them behave in ways that seem realistic and understandable with respect to the world in your story.

World build

This can be really simple, it doesn’t have to be about sci fi or magic or anything - just give your characters a place to live - give the background some depth.

If you’re in a coffee shop - make sure you show how the coffee shop works, what it looks like, who else works there, give some indication of whether its a good or bad place to work, to drink coffee, is it busy or quiet? Do the other staff love or hate their jobs? Is there that one customer who is always there in the back corner and you just bring him bottomless cups of tea all day and he tips like crazy... little things like this will make your readers feel like they are in a real place. Which makes the whole fic seem more real.

Show, dont tell...

This is the biggest one for me. Don’t just start out your fic with a big list of what happened or where you are. Weave it into the action and the dialogue slowly.

Don’t just tell - ‘Steve is a lawyer for a big corporation and he hates his job. It makes him unhappy.’

Show - ‘Steve is dreading going back to the office today. He doesn’t want to have to play nice with his boss, he doesn’t want to have to smile at his clients who he knows are guilty. He’s dreading it so much it makes his stomach hurt.’

Okay and the hardest one to get used to as a new writer -

Find a POV (point of view) and Tense and be consistent

I recommend third person limited. This means you write from that persons point of view and see, think, feel, only what they see, think and feel. You cant see or hear the other characters thoughts or feelings about something. You can’t physically see something happening that is not within your characters viewpoint.

You can switch between characters as long as you have a delineated break - and let the reader know you are switching (I always give a heading for a new character)

I also recommend you use present tense - it’s much easier to keep consistent. But it’s totally up to the individual. Just make sure you don’t change it (and a beta reader can help you with this)

So.

That feels like a lot of information to throw at you, let me give you a really quick list of what you need to do to start -

Map out your beginning, middle and end

Choose your main character and your POV (which one will tell the story best, who will have the most emotional impact - do you want to switch and see both POV? think about who the real main character is, who is most of the action happening to)

Choose your secondary characters and give them some backstory - especially about how they are connected to the main characters.

Choose a setting and give it detail.

Start writing - get your ideas down.

Read your dialogue out loud so you know it sounds like something you would really say.

Go back and edit later

Research things you’re not sure about - but also you can just say >check science< or >which restaurant< and come back to it later to keep your ideas flowing.

Send it to someone who is happy to look over it for you and help you edit (but only once you have edited it yourself and made it as clean and sharp as possible)

Be super proud of yourself for the  amazing thing you have just done.

Post it to tumblr or ao3 if - and only if - you want to.

Okay. Well... I hope this was helpful!

Come ask me anything about any of it! I’m happy to elaborate.

And good luck!!!!!!

[batneko]

2, 12, 21

2) What is your favorite fic of yours?

I love all my children equally!!! (That is not true, but there isn't just one favorite.)

12) Do you like to switch pov's a lot or stick to one character?

I like to switch, but usually only between the main duo of the fic.

21) Writers choice - pick any of these questions that you want to answer.

uhhhh

11) What perspective do you write from most and/or least and why?

3rd person limited, almost 100% of the time. I feel like it's the easiest to read, where you feel like you're experiencing the story the way the character is experiencing it.

[pearlll09]

I was tagged by @maraleesquill ! Thank you!

@kunstpause​ writes:

This is me wanting to hear more from my writing friends. Things about process, personal preferences etc. There are a lot of ask lists going around but not everyone always gets the questions that they want. So I thought of a way to ask couple of things to several people, so there is maybe even a bit of dialogue happening. And if people are having fun with it I’ll come up with a bunch of different questions next week.

The idea behind it from last time:

Feel free to grab this and tag me back, even if I haven’t tagged you.

Xxx

1. Do you have a preferred genre to write? Do you like to stay within the rough directions of the genre or do you like to mix and match?

Well! I'm all about fantasy/pseudo fantasy. Give me a world like the witcher where everything is made up, give me the map, and let me roll around in it. In cases like these, literally anything can go, because there are no rules. There's magic? And the trained sorcerers/sorceresses/magic users know how to use it without needing to go into detail about the consequences? Well then I can make an entire house appear out of nowhere and it would fit. It's fun to play in those worlds because you can truly let your imagination run free.

Pseudo fantasy is still fun too. What I mean by this is the more real life fiction that still has fantasy elements. Examples are Percy Jackson, Good Omens, or some of the superhero things. They're in this world, or at least something based off of this world, but there are still some things that you can take and run with. If a character in a Marvel fic falls into a radioactive pit, for example, no one would bat an eye if they jump right back out shooting fire or flying or something.

Basically, give me a world I can use as a playground, and I will gladly play with all the equipment for as long as I can.

2. Are you a writer that has a plot idea and then figures out what character(s) to use for that or are you more set on writing (a) specific character(s) and come up with a plot around them?

I don't really know that I'm either, honestly. Most of my fics I already know what universe I want to write the idea in, so the characters are already a given. A lot of my story ideas are set around a specific character too, so that doesn't help.

To make this more clear: I recently posted a vampire Jaskier fic. I didn't think about writing a vampire story beforehand and trying to figure out what universe to put it in, I specifically wanted vampire Jaskier doing x. So with that it was obvious to include Geralt. The inclusion of Yennefer came to me later as I started filling out the story.

I guess you could consider some coming up with a plot around the characters, like some of my Good Omens pieces, but I'm almost positive most of my ideas come hand in hand with each other.

3. 1st person, 2nd, 3rd, all knowing narrator or unreliable narrator and so many more choices - do you have a clear preference? Or different ones for different kinds of writing? Do you feel a certain pov works best with a certain setting and if yes, which one?

I have dabbled in 2nd, and I applaud those who use it on the regular. Writing wise I find 1st really clunky and hard to really get under the characters skin. So, I'm definitely a 3rd person kind of gal. I will do limited and omniscient though, and I like to keep the narrator reliable.

If I'm writing limited, it probably means I'm switching pov. Sometimes the characters split, but you still want to tell both sides of the story, so you switch back and forth. Even then, though, when the characters are together, the narrator can develop a bit of a omniscient feeling.

I find it easiest to write when the narrator knows everything and will sometimes still write it like that even from a specific pov. All the main characters in the room, you can see all their feelings, but you only get any internal tidbits from the person the pov is from. I tend to be a very emotionally based writer so I want to know people's emotions to make sure the tone is right for whatever is happening.

Xxx

@riv-ika and @synopsisofel , want to give this a shot? And of course, anyone else who would like to!

[hardlyfatal]

gary’s writing workshop: lesson 6: point of view, part 2

aka: POVs/Subplots Are My OTP

To discuss the connection between POVs and subplots, first we must revisit the topics of plot structure, flow, continuity, purpose, and readability.

Subplots add complexity and depth to a story.

They give the writer the opportunity to show another aspect of the main character’s personality, how people can wear multiple hats in their lives. Brienne is a fearsome warrior, but she’s also sensitive and gentle. Jaime is a snarkmaster deluxe, but he’s also a huge romantic and secret chivalric hero.

Unless you can find a main plot that somehow showcases all of the above at once – not easy – you need to add a subplot or two in order to provide opportunities to display all the facets of their personalities, not just the ones that are used in the main plot. If you don’t, you run the risk of a story that feels monotonous and characters that feel flat.

Likewise, when a story gains the complexity of subplots, it can start to feel unrealistic, too busy, or even claustrophobic when everything is from a single character’s POV. She’s everywhere at once, has a finger in every pie and no time off. My recommendation is that no main character should be the POV of more than two plots. If your story has more than two plots, it might be best to have the third one related by another character, to permit some fresh air into the narrative.

In the Plot Structuring lesson, we discussed how scenes need to have a purpose: they must connect the prior scenes to the next, and push the plot forward in a substantive way. They need to make sense within the timeline, in forming one in a series of steps from the story’s start to its finish. Similarly, scenes need to make sense regarding whose POV they are placed in.

Who Should Get a POV?

Choosing who gets a POV in a story is a very big and important decision, because they are the character(s) who the story will be filtered through. Their thoughts and feelings and motivations will be visible to us in ways they will not be to the other characters.

The strength of narration tends to become weakened with each character added, because the reader becomes used to one person’s headspace, and then you’re shoving them into someone else. And many writers get so invested in the ratio of POV trade-off1 that the plot’s needs are ignored in order to follow this pattern. Instead of carrying through with the momentum created from the prior chapter, “It’s a Jaime chapter!” they exclaim, and so they switch to him even though they really should be sticking with Brienne, etc.

In other words, there should be a point to why we’re in another person all of a sudden, and that point should not be “It’s easier to describe this scene from the other characters’s POV”. POVs should belong to characters who are either primary in the main plot, or primary in their own subplot. In a romance, that would probably be two people: both halves of the romantic couple. In non-romantic plots or sub-plots, whoever are primary2 characters in them might have the POV.

If you do choose to have multiple POVs in a story, it shouldn’t just be for a single scene or chapter – POVs should not be squandered, as they’re more integral to the flow and continuity of a story than many people think. Shoehorning in a new POV for only one chapter can be a Chekhov’s Gun; if there’s no future to the person having their own POV, if there won’t be follow-through later on, it weakens the story. The reader is left wondering why we’ve been granted access to the new POV character’s head, only to never visit it again.

Exceptions: Sometimes at the beginning or end of a story, an alternate POV can serve as a quasi-omniscient POV, serving to provide information that the main characters have no access to but with a more personal touch, thanks to the character’s limited POV. I’ve done this twice, and looking back, I’m not sure I’d do it again, because in hindsight it feels like one of them is a Chekhov’s Gun and the other is a Deux Ex Machina.

Questions to ask yourself when deciding whether or not to add another POV to a story:

What inner voice/narrative/introspection is so important for the reader to witness that it justifies adding another POV to the story?

What inner voice/narrative/introspection is so important for the reader to witness that it justifies adding another POV to the story?

Will the story lose something if you don’t have access to the other character’s POV?

Is suspense an integral part of your story? If so, this is an especially important decision, because including other POVs can kill the mystery you need to maintain. OR will the suspense be enhanced because switching to another POV means that the cliffhanger you left the previous chapter on will be permitted to ripen?

If the conclusion you draw to these is that yes, adding another POV to the story will be a good idea, then go for it.

Headhopping

Headhopping is frequent switching of POV from one character to the next. How you define ‘frequent’ is subjective; IMO, more than twice a chapter is too much. Unless there’s a damned good reason for it – i.e. there are multiple strong and important subplots that take place in different locations3 – it’s best to limit the number of narrating characters to the minimum required to write a good story, without dumping in superfluous POV just ‘cuz.

Otherwise, you run the risk of the story feeling chaotic and disorganized to the reader: who’s the main character? Who are we supposed to identify with? Oh, we’re back to the first guy now? Who’s next? If your reader is questioning what’s going on, you’ve killed your readability4.

Having many characters as focal points can prevent the reader from making a connection with them, with the result that they become acquainted but don’t really get to know and identify with any, and thus they don’t become too emotionally invested, losing the compulsion to keep reading. Worse, they might take a disliking to a character and skip chapters featuring him/her5.

Pantser alert: I find that people who don’t plan out their plots, and whose POV each chapter will be written in, ahead of time end up being headhoppers. They’re just writing the story as it occurs to them, one chapter at a time, and when they hit a snag, or can’t figure out how to describe something they want to show, they hit on switching POVs as the solution instead of restructuring.

This tends to result in not only a weaker narrative but also weak characterization in the new additions, since little to no thought was put into it and there’s little actual function the new POV provides besides fixing the corner the author wrote themselves into.

If you want to reveal an event occurring without the main character(s) being present, instead of introducing yet another character6, maybe try to restructure the plot instead; can it be captured on video that the character can see later? Featured on the news/in the paper? Recounted by another character who was there? If the character is perceptive/deductive/good at drawing conclusions, perhaps include hints and signs of what occurred and have them figure it out on their own?

Bottom line: Including more than two characters without compromising the flow of the narrative and without becoming chaotic is possible, of course. It’s just not as easy as many people think it is and often can lead to a weak story. Be critical and selective when you choose to add another POV to your story, and see if there are alternatives, first.

How Many Is Too Many?

There’s no law stating how many – or how few – POVs you are allowed to have. However, a general rule of thumb is that the shorter the story, the fewer subplots (and thus, the fewer POVs) your story should have. More POVs = more complexity, and shorter stories just don’t have the length needed to do each of them justice. You need time to develop a character’s inner voice, and it’s just not possible7 with fewer than ~5,000 words per POV.

Here’s a rough idea of how long various types of stories are, and a recommended maximum number of POVs in each.

Drabble: 250 – 1,000 words. One POV, one plot.

Short story: 1,000 – 10,000. One POV, one plot.

Novelette: 10,000 – 30,000. Up to two POVs, max of two plots if done carefully, otherwise one plot.

Novella: 30,000 – 60,000. One or two POVs, at least two plots.

Novel: 60,000 – 80,000. At least two POVs, at least two plots and max of three plots.

Super Novel: 80,000 – 100,000. At least two POVs, at least two plots and max of four plots.

Epic: 100,000+. At least two POVs, at least three plots.

Switching POVs

Making your way, as a writer, from one character’s POV to another can be done in two ways: a hard, clear break, such as beginning a new chapter or inserting a scene break; and a gradual, smooth transition in the middle of the narrative.

I used to use the latter, and you can see it frequently in my Bleach fic, Become A Ghost. I have come to feel that it weakens the narrative because when you a read a scene, you become accustomed and settle into the mindset of one character… and then sliiiiiide into another’s, and it causes a moment of realization that you’re now in the head of someone else.

It’s not hugely objectionable, but I think it does compromise the readability of the story, and thus I’ve come to eliminate it. My stories now only feature hard POV switches, or don’t switch at all, remaining in a single character’s POV the entire time.

Deep POV

Deep POV is a narrative technique that works to eliminate the distance between the reader and the POV character. There is no headhopping, no visible narrator, and as few marks of authorship as possible. Its purpose is to coax the reader to submerge themselves in the character’s perspective and ‘become one’ with the character as much as possible.

Marks of authorship are things like filter words, dialogue tags8, and any wording that would be unnatural to a character’s narrative. To write with Deep POV, you have to commit to limiting the character’s knowledge to only what they’d personally be aware of.

The first Jaime POV scene in Desperado is a decent example of Deep POV because it’s very introspective and mostly avoids these characteristics. Some still exist, however, so I’ve revised instances of them to be more in line with a deep POV. 

Depending on word choice, it can be as purple9 as you want… or not. Just tone it down, if you have concerns about things becoming too overwrought.

Footnotes

1 1:1, 2:2, etc. i.e. a chapter featuring one main character, then a chapter with the other main character, then the first again, back and forth, etc.

2 This doesn’t mean “anyone who has any involvement whatsoever in the sub-plot”, just those to whom it pertains critically.

3 For example, in the A Song of Ice and Fire series of books, Jon’s at the Wall, Sansa’s in King’s Landing, Daenerys is in Essos, Brienne and Jaime are fucking about in the Riverlands, Sandor and Arya are fucking about in the Vale, Bran is prancing about the North, Tyrion is all over the damned place, etc.

4 Readability being defined, as mentioned in prior lessons, as how effortlessly a reader can become immersed in a story and move without interruption through it. Readability means there are the fewest number possible of things that can snag the reader’s attention, confuse them, or otherwise drag them back out of the story to the real world. Our goal as writers is to infuse our work with as much effortless readability as possible.

5 As someone who has been told many times that readers are skipping chapters in one story because they feature characters or pairings they don’t like, it’s really fucking annoying. You work so hard to create a complex story, build people and relationships, and weave the plot and subplots through it all in a way that’s at least marginally coherent, and you get “LOL I just haaaaate this character, I don’t read those chapters!” and “Gawd, these other characters bore me, I skip those! Tee hee!”. Well, fuck you very much.

6 Especially if you’ll only be using them for a single scene in the middle of the story: that’s a Chekhov’s Gun situation where the character his/herself is the gun, and not an item or situation.  

7 At least, it’s not possible to do well with fewer than ~5,000 words per POV.

8 We will go over both filter words and dialogue tags in more detail in later lessons.

9 Prose can be called “purple” when it’s so overblown, ornate, or fancy that it distracts the reader and draws attention to itself, and not in a good way.

© 2019 to me

[scarlettlawyer]

Part five of my Phantoms & Mirages commentary, @renegadewangs‘ fic series.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Haunted Specters, Chapter 7

Despite the earlier warning not to touch anything, his attention was drawn to a nearby little statue built out of gears and bolts. It was shaped like a man with a top hat. He prodded it and its arm fell off. That effectively got him to stop touching things.

LOOOL

A few of the guards by the exit had smiled at her- one of them had winked at her.

I WAS LOWKEY DISAPPOINTED WHEN THE INITIAL BREAKOUT SCENE ENDED and there was nothing like this. At the time I was honestly like “Stuff it! I’m just gonna pretend people noticed how cute that nurse was!” But THEN, you actually went back to it (when I assumed the scene wouldn’t be returned to) and made it so that I didn’t even have to headcanon anything. Past me needed just a little patience ;D What else is new?

After all that time she- he- they had spent lying in bed, the exercise was unwanted.

Ohooh! I’d forgotten all about the uses of “they” here. I’m pretty sure I felt kind of annoyed on the first readthrough, like “WAIT SO YOU’RE DEMONSTRATING AWARENESS AND USE OF SINGULAR THEY, AND YET…”

But nah, nah, it’s actually pretty cool what’s going on with the pronouns in this segment and the switching going on. “He” is applied to statements that only apply to the phantom and not the makeshift nurse persona. “She” is employed for the makeshift nurse persona because the phantom is leaning on, relying on that persona, as they reject their sense of self and always feel the need to be someone else. As the nurse, the phantom thinks about “the phantom” in the third person, to help further keep that comfortable distance, I suppose. And “they” is used for statements that are true of both the nurse persona AND the phantom. Therefore, interestingly enough, the “they” is technically being applied in both a singular and plural manner - simultaneously.

And also, this pronoun-switching fun and the distinctions that are subsequently made would simply not exist if a consistent singular they was used instead. The he/she/they all serve an important and relevant purpose. On the first readthrough, at least during the first phantom POV breakout scene, I was irritated by the switch to she/her and the references between he & she. I found it unnecessary and tedious when “they” would make everything go so much more smoothly. But I fully realise now that it would have been a lost opportunity of sorts for the reasons mentioned above (and willingly embrace it for other reasons too). I had also very much underestimated the level of the phantom’s investment in roles and how much he was “getting into” the role too, I suppose.

After all, at the end of this chapter, the phantom has absolutely no one to perform for or put on an act for, and yet it specifically says they will very much remain as the nurse until a different disguise/persona can be donned (although I guess it’s also a case of “remain in character so you’re already in character when you encounter anyone”). But it’s also the case of, just like when they were disguised as Bobby, they were compelled to act as Bobby. They’re remaining in-character as the nurse so that they don’t have to be themself. And so that extends to pronouns too, to fully complete it.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 8

The situation felt surreal. As if Simon were caught in some sort of lucid dream. To be sitting around a table with Fulbright and the Phantom, plotting out what could technically be considered a crime… 

I keep trying to put into words just how WILD the situation our three main characters are in is, but Simon keeps beating me to it.

If someone had told him of this situation earlier on in the year, he would’ve laughed and called them stark raving mad.

ME BUT IF SOMEONE TOLD ME THIS IS WHAT FIC 2 WAS GONNA BE LIKE

Bobby Fulbright, Simon Blackquill and the phantom sharing an apartment together? Having a meal together?

What do you mean this isn’t a Roommates Domestic AU? What do you MEAN this is “canon compliant”?! You try explaining this to someone who’s played Dual Destinies and Bobby Fulbright’s presence – his being alive – would be confusing enough and require so much explaining. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE. And yet.

It wasn’t like Dissociative Identity Disorder, because no matter how invested he became in his role, he still retained a sense of self that could be brought back at will. He adopted roles willingly and studied his subject beforehand- perhaps neurotically so.

Yeah, I was glad for this being brought up but I was focused mainly on the level of control that was had – of course, one of the major defining differences is that the phantom can actively choose to adopt and shed a persona, as opposed to having less control over it or slipping more inadvertently into a different identity like someone with DID. But I was still wondering about the level of self-deception that it involved on the phantom’s part at the time (post-fall), as discussed in my previous post. So I knew it was not DID and it was very, very different from DID, but I was still inclined towards treating Sam like another personality at the time sort of in the same sense you might treat different identities that can front in someone with DID… The key difference being that the phantom has full control over when Sam is present and still knows everything that’s going on even when Sam is in place. It gets kinda confusing to think about XD. You and your ridiculously good acting skills, phantom!! I also knew of course that Sam was more “fake” than the different identities of someone with DID. But it seems that I really didn’t treat him as fake enough. But just like it is for Bobby and Simon, treating Sam as distinct in that manner just made things easier to understand, easier to process.

The characters have been thrust into an odd sort of temporary mundanity in a domestic sense. It is that very mundanity which makes the situation so fascinating. The three characters are sectioned off from direct contact with the rest of the Ace Attorney universe, from other Ace Attorney characters, in their own special kind of liminal space. “Sam” is the only buffer in place separating Bobby and Simon from the phantom. It’s in their best interest to make Sam seem more real… I think… To an extent they have their own limited amounts of self-deception going on there in that regard. Without Sam, things would all fall apart way too easily, it would be all too easy for all hell to break loose, when it’s a struggle to keep the peace as it is. A kind of welcome reprieve. So all THREE characters, the phantom included, hold up and treat Sam as a separate individual. It’s beneficial to all of them, really. But, it kinda also helps the reader out too as they’re sitting there struggling to process this amazing turn of events. Helps the reader make some sense of Bobby’s, and then Simon’s cooperation.

Also sometimes it just felt “too good to be true” for me as well so it was like… ah, Sam. The author must want us to be focusing on him, and not our darling phantom, right? :P

The Phantom was truly devoted to being anyone who wasn’t his ‘true self’, which he claimed he didn’t have. However, Simon had learned that such claims were unsubstantial.

And this is just the beginning… I didn’t know it was coming, I didn’t expect it was coming. But it’s coming. I failed to notice just what this tiny thread was – things were going to get unravelled all the way, following this thread from beginning to end, fully revealing the phantom. Hm! This undercurrent was already firing up but I’d failed to take notice.

The scene with phantom tossing the gun over to Bobby is just, whoa. The whole dynamic of “character A tosses character B a gun and begs character B to shoot them” is really something in and of itself. But “character B is committed to justice and couldn’t do that” meanwhile character A is the phantom, a supposed enemy who is super hard to capture + kill…! Damn. It’s a gripping dynamic. It’s powerful. So many different forces at play, going up against each other.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 9

“Sam Specter does not need to prepare for burglary. The Phantom does.”

“And here I’d assumed you loathed being the person known as the Phantom.”

YEAH this kinda made me a lil “?” on a first readthrough. Simon’s reply most likely means “I’d assumed you loathed [not being in character as someone else and being forced to be “yourself”]” as opposed to “I’d assumed you loathed [being referred to as “the phantom”]”. (Or maybe it’s both?). It surprised me that the phantom would openly refer to “himself” as the phantom when not in-character…! This moniker, after all, was not chosen by him. It was a label slapped on him by other people, and he had absolutely no say in the matter. Well, I was so entrenched in a common characterisation of the phantom basically rejecting this label, or at the very least not being a fan, as it puts a label on him. The he that he claims does not exist. He’s most likely just humouring Simon here using the label that Simon uses and is familiar with, however, as opposed to having internalised it. But I was still surprised because the characterisations of the phantom that I’m accustomed to usually have them explicitly rejecting this label, to the extent that they would not even use it in this sort of context. But then I came to realise – that characterisation is not necessarily the “canon” one. The phantom is lacking emotions, so they would not necessarily have strong feelings like this, about something as simple as a moniker. Just as they do here, they can easily dodge the label and pretend it in fact applies to no one. A non-person. A non-person that they don’t care about. I realise that this interpretation is also valid.

He remembered Fulbright saying that the man had been in pain for eight months already and wondered just how fierce it was. Wondered whether this was karma’s way of repaying the Phantom for all his crimes. He could run from his past life, his emotions and the consequences of his actions, but not physical pain.

This is kind of, well, delicious, really. Karma actually managing to find a way, for a man so indifferent to everything… :P In the only real way the message can be communicated across. I approve.

Simon punched him again. And again. Desperate for something more than blank stares- anything that was genuine sorrow. Genuine regret for all the Phantom’s wrongdoings. Even genuine anger would do. Anything real and substantial. 

Well damn. Doesn’t this just have another layer to it on a second readthrough?!

He initiates violence out of anger. But then. But then, the key motivator is prompting a reaction. The… The same base motivation of the other instance once you strip everything else away, yet under such VASTLY different circumstances. I’d also misremembered this as Simon only punching him once. But no. No. The text initiates the parallel ever more closely with multiple blows. GOSH.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 10

“What did he say?” Simon tried again, more forceful this time. “… He said the walls in this apartment aren’t as well insulated as we’d like.”

AMAZING.

Oh goodness…

THEY’RE IN. THE PHANTOM’S APARTMENT I am yelling. THE PHANTOM feels the need to intervene.

AND HE DOES SO AS SAM.

PERHAPS because he does not wish to do so as himself.

I DON’T THINK HE WAS ALREADY SAM PRIOR TO THIS POINT??? It’s implied that when locked in the room = the phantom, ventures outside of the room = oftentimes Sam. SO LIKE??? HE CHOSE TO BE SAM TO- that is the story I’m sticking with rn because that is so funny to me. And he does come out and be Sam after that cause I guess it’s “well I already switched to Sam so I Might As Well come out and be Sam for a while.”

It was the Phantom hidden behind that harmless façade- he knew it was the Phantom- but even so, he felt as if he were looking at a completely different person. Perhaps, in a way, it was a completely different person.

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN… The narrative putting forth the proposition that perhaps “Sam Specter” does have some sort of claim to personhood.

And then Simon apologises to Sam. And it just, feels like such an important turning point. Sam is a slippery slope. FOR ALL OF US.

It’s also kinda like, Simon knowingly playing along. For the sake of keeping up appearances. Keeping the peace. For the greater good. But does it run any deeper than that? Even the thought of apologising to a mere façade that the phantom is clearly behind is… hmm! It’s a very elaborate act for everyone, kind of.

Either way, Sam seemed content with whatever words Bobby had uttered. He smiled and hung his head for a moment, then nodded at Simon. Apology accepted.

:D

IT’S FAKE REACTION BUT LIKE… THE NARRATIVE POSITIONING… hm!

Sam would join them for dinner and clean up after them, only to disappear into the bedroom once more. 

EVEN THOUGH SIMON HAD KINDA SETTLED DOWN AT THIS POINT I WAS STILL BUSY REELING AT THIS ENTIRE SITUATION/DYNAMIC CHANGE THOUGH.

The. The PHANTOM (in a persona) would join them for dinner and clean up after them. (THIS SENTENCE IS JUST SO CASUAL!!! AND I’M LIKE! NO HOLD UP I’M STILL REELING LOL).

“Right!” There was a moment of silence, then the Phantom turned his head to face Bobby, shooting him a blank stare. A few seconds passed before the man seemed to be hit by a sudden realization. “O-oh! Right! The security systems! I’m on it!”

LOL this is just… so great. Well-timed comedic moments. GOD. When these three characters get together you expect someone to die. And yet we get to reap some comedy from this. I LOVE it.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 11

Every so often, Bobby would start tinkering with the watch again, his eyebrows contracting and the corners of his mouth twitching as information flashed along the display of the sunglasses.

CAN I JUST SAY, that it’s kind of amazing how you like… take imagery explicitly associated with the phantom and ONLY the phantom, and casually apply it to Bobby, cheerfully mixing up the symbolism? Obviously, to those who have played Dual Destinies, the image of “Bobby” having data rapidly scroll past glasses that he is wearing is an association ONLY attached to the phantom. If included in fanart, people will immediately know that this is supposed to depict the phantom in disguise, and not the real Bobby Fulbright. And YET, in your fic, here is the real Bobby Fulbright doing that EXACT same thing! Likewise, thanks to Simon splitting the phantom’s glasses apart during the Turnabout for Tomorrow trial when causing the gash in the phantom’s mask, “Bobby” without glasses is also very phantom-symbolism. Of course, not AS associated with the phantom as the gash in the mask, but the gash+lack of glasses is often used to tip people off. However! Right at the very start of this series it’s implied that the glasses are the phantom’s and the phantom’s alone, and that Bobby was not actually in the habit of wearing sunglasses at all! You go “wait a minute. It’s the other way around. If he’s got glasses, it’s the phantom! The real Bobby Fulbright didn’t even wear those!” That’s pretty damn cool! You also have the amusing reversal during Chasing Phantoms when Bobby impersonates the phantom. Even if it wasn’t the phantom he was specifically impersonating, it goes without saying that impersonation is something attached to the phantom’s character, not Bobby’s, yet it is something Bobby does at that point in the fic. And then, you know, there’s that scene much later on in the next fic where Bobby uses the Jolt of Justice on the phantom. I think I’m comfortable in saying that most of the fandom agrees that the real Bobby Fulbright would not have electrocuted Simon in court like the phantom did and that this was a specifically phantom act. But your fic has the REAL Bobby Fulbright use it, and the narrative even comments on the shocking (pun not intended) nature of it, where Simon muses that he “never thought he’d see the day” when the real Bobby used it. It’s just, so cool, and it’s also a really interesting and meta way of “striking back”, so to speak. After all, we NEVER met the real Bobby in canon. Since we ONLY ever get to meet the phantom, on a meta level, the phantom has truly stolen so much from him. His appearance, for most fanart. I’ve seen many people incorrectly use the name “Bobby Fulbright” as shorthand for “phantom”. The two characters get ridiculously blurred together since the phantom does not have enough to distinguish themself and was Bobby for the entire game. The phantom does not have their own tumblr tag, because “the phantom” is way too vague and applies to too many fandoms, so people throw it into “#Bobby Fulbright” and usually call it a day. What else can they do, really? I’ve been guilty of that myself I’m sure. Some fanart is quite ambiguous whether it depicts Bobby or the phantom. In much of fandom and in the eyes of players, the phantom has stolen much of explicitly Bobby symbolism for themself. But in your series, Bobby Fulbright gets to strike back! He gets to steal the phantom’s symbolism! He takes phantom imagery and claims it as his own, at least temporarily! It’s one of those things that gives him “agency” at least on a meta level that I’m impressed with. It’s also a great way of striking back at people like me, specifically, who tended to ignore Bobby in favour of the phantom. But I am not “forced” to acknowledge Bobby, because in this series it is not a zero-sum game. Rather, I am more than happy to do so. He’s a great character!

The conversation turned more heated. The Phantom- or was it the guard after all?- was shouting. The other voice seemed more calm. Collected. It held a forceful tone. There was a loud slamming sound, followed by more yelling.

Oh my god.. This is. So much on second readthrough. This is the child losing their temper and arguing back against their father. And Lex Sr knows. He knows that is his son. “more calm. Collected. It held a forceful tone.” Oh my GOOOSH this description… Like a SCOLDING. “I am the parent. YOU are the child! Do NOT argue back against me!” THAT’S WHAT THIS BRINGS TO MIND… AND THAT’S???  Probably how Lex Sr may treat it in his mind to an extent

AND I ALSO LOVE THE AMBIGUITY WHERE SIMON CAN’T EVEN KNOW IF THAT’S THE PHANTOM OR NOT, gosh.

“You had no right to take it! You had no right!”

I could not… BELIEVE this. At this point it’s implied, and later on we do know that this statement is absolutely right. And I think my main disbelief over this line stemmed from later if the scene is revisited(?), but I’m just gonna comment on it here.

Even if the phantom is right to say this, is right to be angry (!!!), the fact that it’s the phantom saying it absolutely floors me. It’s shocking and SURPRISING that the phantom could even UNDERSTAND, internally, a concept such as “rights”. And the thing is, he probably DIDN’T prior to this. It’s only when something happens to him, personally, when he is wronged, personally, that he understands.

It is the absolute HEIGHT of hypocrisy, to an incredible extent. The phantom had no right to kill all the people he has killed. He had no right to steal their identities. But he DID. And now, now, he claims “you had no right”?! I have no words. The phantom gets to just go around and wrong as many people as he wants, but the moment someone wrongs him he’s suddenly all, “wait, you can’t do that! That’s wrong!”

LOVE how rich that is coming from him.

“Shut up! Just shut up!”

A N G E R

Honestly luv seeing him just lose it.

“No! I… I’m not upset! I…”

You know what’s even better than seeing the phantom get legit angry for a moment? Seeing the phantom immediately denying it/in denial & confusion over that very anger and falling over himself internally all like “wait was I just angry??? CAN’T be. I am the Logic Man”. This absolute MESS of a man, I tell you, defying his own logic and being DEEPLY confused about himself whenever that happens.

“You’re going back to your cell until your memories return.” “No, I won’t! I won’t go back there!”

“Go to your room until you calm down and learn to treat your own father with some RESPECT.”

Teenage rebel son: “NO, I WON’T! SCREW YOU, DAD!”

The relationship between Luster and the Phantom was much more convoluted than Simon had anticipated. Far more intricate.

Yeah Simon, could you hold onto that thought? It’s uh. It’s just a little bit more convoluted than you think, even. :D

Man, things sure do… progress, huh, as all this is going on. You have Simon going in to search for the phantom, then Bobby… and when Bobby goes, Simon ultimately doesn’t stop him. It’s, aaaah.

Okay, what’s ALSO really great is that, with the Sequel Hook that Chasing Phantoms throws us, and then the timeskip that Haunted Specters begins with, one of the pressing questions on my mind is like “whoaaaa! Wonder what the phantom’s been up to all this time! The possibilities are practically endless! He must have been up to so much behind the scenes!” and then we get the answer to that question and it’s basically like… Nothing. He did basically nothing in all that time. Dumb loser got himself caught in a cell for several months. And that’s basically it. GOOD WORK PHANTOM, A+ ELITE SPY RIGHT THERE.

So, towards the end of the chapter when the phantom rushes back inside and there’s blood, that it was the phantom’s blood was my first assumption. But, of course, it’s the last thing on Simon’s mind. Because Simon still has him so pinned as a treacherous murderer. Having him be confronted with the fact that it’s actually the phantom who is injured, when he was so forceful and convinced otherwise (and the fact of it being the phantom’s blood didn’t even cross his mind!) is a nice touch. It’s a moment that sort of… further renders the perception of the phantom as vulnerable as opposed to emotionless killer. This vulnerability is something that Simon is forced to see and accept, even when he wants to believe and continue to think otherwise.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 12

What was worse- so much worse than the fact that the Phantom had gotten himself injured- was that Simon caught himself worrying. Only for a few split seconds, only in the spur of the moment. He was actually worried about that crazy bastard and the realization was enough to force him right back into a state of anger.

Oh heckin’ YES. The seed’s planted. There’s no going back now, Simon. Muahahaha!

The Phantom, who seemed to be growing tired of the one-handed fiddling, ripped all the buttons clean off his shirt with one quick vertical swiping motion. They scattered along the tiled floor and disappeared into various nooks and crannies. Simon could do nothing but watch with raised eyebrows.

TH SDKJNSDKLNSD VISUALISING THIS IS SO FUNNY

“… Should you not save that for a more practical use?” Simon questioned. “I assure you, this is quite practical.”

I AM DYING WHAT. SO IS HE LIKE… TRYING TO BLUNT PAIN/”RELAX” HIMSELF TO REMOVE A GODDAMN BULLET??? BUT UHHH. WHAt

Well, all those scars are a great reminder that the phantom has led one hell of a crazy life!

Oh. Oh my goodness. And now… Now we have the flashback. To the phantom’s earliest memory.

^Me right after the earliest-memory flashback, with really no idea just what was in store.

Okay. This flashback.

It’s raw. It’s brutal. It’s child abuse, right there on the screen. You really don’t hold back.

And what struck me was… If the phantom was born with their little-to-no-emotions psychological makeup, this really is pretty much how I’d imagine things to have been when they were small. …Ableist parents. If they’d had a “normal” home life and/or supportive parents/family, it’s highly unlikely they would have grown up to become the phantom in the first place, after all.

“It’s okay to cry in front of mommy. Go on, just… Just cry. Just once. Please. For mommy.”

This line is very interesting, and adds further nuance. It shows things aren’t clear cut, that in spite of how much the mother clearly cares, how much she wants to protect her son, and how much she cannot abide by the abuse, as understanding as she tries to be… And as opposite her treatment of her son is compared to the father’s treatment of his son… It is a clear hint that she still sees her son as abnormal, that there’s something fundamentally wrong with him that she wants to stop. She desperately wants her son to be healthy and “normal”. This attitude is clearly motivated by concern… She wants her son to be okay. She still loves her son very much. But her attitude belies a possible fear that maybe there is a little bit more truth in her partner’s words than she wants to acknowledge. It’s why she’s desperate to get him to cry. She wants him to change. She wants him to be different than he is. She’s worried. She’s clearly not happy with the way her son is. She wants her son to show distress. She wants her son to be distressed. For HER sake. Her prompts here… are still somewhat selfishly motivated, however driven by concern that they MIGHT be. That is what this particular phrasing very much implies.

Fundamentally, she does not wholly accept her son for who he is.

Throughout the whole flashback she is defending him, she is trying to protect him, only for us to see, at the very end of the flashback, that even she, deep down, is not fully accepting. I love the nuance.

Obviously, the flashback is only a tiny window, and there’s only so much it can tell us. And it presents the reader only with an extreme, specific circumstance to extrapolate from, but if we are going off of this and this alone to base things on… That was my extrapolation. Based on the limited information we are provided with here.

Because of course… There are many different conditions that children are born with in real life. Some of them are blessed with loving, understanding parents. Others aren’t. There are plenty of conditions that make children appear to be “abnormal” INCLUDING conditions which may not make them seem very expressive or expressive in different ways that are not considered normal. And this situation… is like that, really.

The phantom has suffered plenty in this series prior to this point. You might feel kinda bad for him at times, maybe! But it’s always been with a grain of salt, hasn’t it? “HE is the villain, HE is awful, HE brought this on himself, HE has ruined lives and therefore I don’t have to feel TOO bad!”

For the first time in the entire series, we are presented with a version of the phantom that has genuinely done nothing wrong. The narrative DEMANDS us to feel bad for him in this instance. We, at the very least, feel unambiguously bad for this child getting abused. The extent to which we choose to extend this “feeling bad” to the current version of the phantom is up for some debate.

It’s kinda like. You do feel bad for the current version of the phantom – it really sucks that this happened to him. It’s also something that happened prior to everything the phantom has done - the lives he has taken and ruined. So there’s obviously still that sense of “that really sucks, but you still suck, too.” And of course, it’s abundantly clear that this instance of childhood abuse in no way lessens the phantom’s crimes or how much he happens to suck right now. That doesn’t mean we can’t feel bad for him that this happened to him in his youth. And we absolutely feel bad for that child, who did nothing wrong, yet suffered a beating.

In this fic, prior to this point… From the start we are consistently shown imagery that largely contradicts our conception of the phantom’s character and place in the narrative. The phantom gets shown working together with Bobby for the two to escape. Suddenly, he is living with and working together with both Bobby AND Simon. The narrative invites him to come in and join them to become part of the central “trio”. The phantom is shown to be suffering, in pain, weak. It is such a far cry from the phantom from before, who was positioned as a powerful terrifying figure, the inflicter of suffering. The phantom did not get any POV segments until the very, very end of Chasing Phantoms. Here, in this fic, those POV segments are abundant. He has well and truly changed over from being an antagonist to protagonist.

And now, after all of these steps taken towards this point, the narrative takes it even further. Now the text is repositioning the phantom as – implanting that image in our minds – of the small, innocent child with a mental condition. The image of the phantom from the prior fic has already been largely torn down, but now it gets overturned even more as we are confronted with such opposing imagery.

But wait, there’s MORE. The narrative isn’t even done yet. It’s not even finished. Not quite yet.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 13.

“Fulbright. It may be that my ears are playing tricks on me, yet for a moment there, it sounded as if you hold genuine worry for that man.” Bobby didn’t deny the accusation. He didn’t even attempt to deny it. He only lowered his forehead to rest it against his knees, the corners of his lips twitching into some sort of wry grin. “… Don’t you?”

HE’S OWNING IT. And additionally he’s just like. Come on Simon. Don’t you? And this feels earned, given everything that’s happened. GOSH, IT FEELS SO EARNED. Because the readers aren’t the only ones who have been constantly confronted with a very different perspective/imagery of the phantom. These two protagonists have too!!! They are succumbing to the same fate as the reader – a turnabout of perspectives!

AND THEN. AND THEN. HERE IT IS EVERYONE.

One person supporting him. One person doubting him. It was familiar.

When I read this, I just… It was like my jaw just dropped. As it all… fell into place. As the realisation just HIT me. As I read on, and the narrative, in a rather justified self-satisfied manner, casually pointed out the parallels, built up over so many chapters… All of the little things. There were so many tiny things, choices that just didn’t seem to make sense at the time, didn’t seem to add up, and now… All I could do was sit there, stunned, as direct attention was drawn to this. The long-term game that the narrative had been playing.

In awe, I scrambled back to re-read over bits of past chapters at the time only to find that YES, the narrative, from Simon’s POV, had even actually referred to Bobby’s behaviour towards the phantom as “mothering over him”…

All I could do was shake my head ruefully and go “…okay, you win.”

As I’ve implied/stated throughout these commentaries, I went into this series weirdly harsh and reserved towards it for various reasons. And continued to be for the most part even WITHOUT any real justifiable reason for it. Even when my scepticism was being constantly broken down and shown to be misplaced. But the thing is, I’m never usually so harsh on other fics?

If you imagine it as a play showing in a theatre, I usually just go in and sit down and watch it like a normal damn person. Why on earth was I so… sceptical of this series??? It’s like the equivalent of me strolling in, standing at the back of the theatre with my arms crossed and internally going, “Well, I’ll give this a chance, I GUESS. Show me what you’ve got. But be mindful that I’ve seen VERY good performances in my time, however.” (And then, you know, you confidently went right on ahead and practically put on what is among the very best performances I’ve ever seen.)

But the simple fact of the matter was… Like, I’ve already gone over my reasons for feeling a phantom “disconnect” during the first fic. Reasons that all turned out in retrospect to be entirely unfounded. With this in mind, there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with Chasing Phantoms. The phantom it gives us, the phantom content it gives us, is all superb and on-par with the consistently good characterisation provided by the rest of the series. I just had the misfortune of letting my own misconceptions get the better of me at the time. Were it not for that, I would have been able to enjoy the phantom aspects of the 1st fic thoroughly on the first readthrough. Only got myself to blame!

But this fic? As you know, going into it I was already invested – it already held my full attention. And yet I’d still held on to some amount of completely unfair reservation that I do not, and have not subjected other fics to. It was wild, as if I was setting this absurdly high bar when it came to expectations that no other fic had been subjected to by me. But you were still more than ready to rise to that challenge. You took my already high expectations and rose above them, constantly outdoing yourself as the series continued to progress after this point.

Perhaps because I was already standing at the back of the theatre, I had remained there out of habit even as all my doubts were waved off. This meant that even when the fic clearly established it was very much on-par with others I had thoroughly enjoyed with no issues, WAY prior to this chapter, to this point of the story, I was still acting more reserved towards your fic (like a total SNOB) compared to others even when the quality/enjoyment was equal! I was blinded at the time from recognising just how on-par it was. I really don’t think I’m usually like that. It’s like I just happened to pick your series to “discriminate” against, one that could thoroughly show me just how wrong I was. It’s an important lesson I need to keep in mind, because taking this approach to things runs the risk of being unable to actually enjoy them, when if I’d just relaxed, I would have enjoyed it just fine. This risk did not come to fruition, because it got shut down.

All I could do was marvel at the brilliance of the writing, the set-up leading to this… It was the kick I needed to fully relax & sit the hell down to enjoy the show to its fullest potential. That I’d done nothing but stand around like a fool and underestimate, so it was time for me to see just what this series was gonna do. It had my full support. It was the point I truly realised, whoa, this is superb, and all other pretences fell away.

And that’s why all I could do was say to myself, you win, Author. You win. Well-played. I will do my best not to ever doubt you again. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

All I can say is, the fact that I DID have so much reservation and doubt is what made the reading journey all the more wild and fun for me. I expected so little, and received so much… And that’s why I’ve been so open & honest about how unfairly I treated this series going into it. So that I can show just how much it contrasted with the reality of how great it actually is, how much it contrasted with my feelings later on.

...Aaand I’m cutting this post off here ‘cause of how long it is. Anything else I’ve to say connected to this chapter and beyond will be for the next post!

[fivewrites]

5557 Reviews Your Fanfic #3:  Soul of a New Machine by StygianLotus

Hello, friends, I am 5557 on Ao3 and I review your fanfiction if you want me to.

Soul of a New Machine by  @stygianlotus

Summary:

Lance had been living the same cycle of events over and over since he got captured by the Galra. After seven months with Haggar, the other Paladins finally manage to save him. However, they soon realize that Lance's wounds run much deeper than they had hoped.

Rating: M

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Tags: Psychological Torture, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Torture, Aftermath of Torture, Coran helps Lance, Langst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Angst, Post-Defeat of Zarkon, Post Season 2, Flashbacks, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, poor lance

Optional info:

Is English your first language? Yes How long have you been writing for? 4 years Are you 18+? No Do you want publish / write professionally one day? Maybe

Technical Style / Formatting: Paragraphs are of a good size.

Quotes and dialogue are all correct, punctuation is used correctly.

I find parenthesis to be unnecessary in fiction, but they are still used correctly.

Could use a bit of dialogue attribution switch-ups (Lance said vs. said Lance) here and there, but that’s a very small thing.

The second chapter’s flashback doesn’t need to be entirely in italics, but it’s ok.

Pace: The pace is affected by the problem of the mixed-omniscient narrator.

The biggest core problem in the story, and one that is at the root of all others like the confusing sentence structure is: Who is our narrator and what does our narrator know?

In some paragraphs, is seems like we have an unreliable, deep-pov narrator that keeps us well inside of Lance’s head. In other paragraphs, the narrator informs us in a more omniscient way of information that Lance himself does not know. And inconsistence narrator can lead to plot and characterization problems, as well and issues with general prose flow and how the story progresses.

We need to establish solidly who the narrator is (is it a detached voice of lance, or an outside figure?) and what exactly they know. Do they know A) everything about everyone, all the time? (omniscient) B) Everything about lance and only Lance (Limited omniscient) or C) Some things about Lance, but not everything (Unreliable non-omniscient)

Establishing this will help with the confusing sentence structure and set the pace and tone of the story so the reader can understand what’s going on (even with limited information) and progress.

Dialogue: The dialogue is fairly good, and I appreciate the fact that the team care about Lance and want him to feel safe and welcome back on the team.

Once we solve the narration problem, the dialogue will fit the story that much better.

Characterization: So far, characterization isn’t too much of a problem, but with huge, personality-changing events such as capture and torture, it’s really important to research trauma and how is can affect a person. It’s up to you to decide how lance’s behaviour deals with his trauma, whether he chooses to smile through it and pretend nothing is wrong, or like in your story actually show that he has been deeply affected.

It’s not wrong for Lance’s personality to change from an extreme situation. I think it would be wrong to write him as the exact same person he was before his capture, but I also want to stress that he is not 100% a new person. There are and will always be fragments of the old person there, and they will have good days where they are able to laugh and joke and have  a good time. It’s about finding the balance of depth.

For research, I would really recommend watching the movie Room (2016) about the 5-year-old child who grew up in captivity with his mother. This movie does an amazing job of showing that even in a dire situation, they are able to be sane and smart. It also shows that they are not immune to breaking down and falling apart. Both are true, and that is what makes the story so powerful.

Flow / Prose Style:

Try to find and remove extraneous filler words like was and had. As well, look for text written in the passive voice, and try to edit it to become more active.

“The cup was picked up by Lance.” - Passive “Lance picked up the cup.” - Active

I think I understand what you’re going for in the beginning, so I’m going to make a few assumptions.

The opening fades in like a person coming into consciousness after being knocked out- blurry, unclear, unable to pin facts and details and people. This is an appropriate way to open a thriller / angst story, no problems there.

My advice for a choice like this is that as an author you need to be very careful and specific about what you make clear and what you make hazy.

Too clear, and you don’t get the desired effect.

Too hazy and your readers are confused and bored because they can’t understand enough

So when you’re doing a style like this, be very careful about who knows what, and who is being mentioned. If you turn too many names into epithets or pronouns (he or she) we very easily lose track of what the narrator is referring to.

“He remembered Allura ordering for them to attack him, remembered Hunk being the one to do it while Lance was still restrained.”

This sentences contains two “he’s” and the second one is unclear as to who it’s referring to. We could use clarity by saying “Lance remembered Allura ordering for them to attack him, remembered Hunk being the one to do it while he was still restrained.”

“How could they still act like they were best friends after everything that had happened?”

And here, it’s slightly unclear as to who the “they” is referring to. Lance and Hunk? Lance and the rest of the paladins? Hunk and the rest of the paladins? etc.

For someone who is english as first language, some of the phrasing is… odd. It’s not exactly passive voice, nor is it grammatically incorrect, but it attributes action and intention to the wrong symbol of importance.

Like PutTING the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLAble. It’s not incorrect, but it it is jarring.

““Hey, Lance?” The sudden voice jerked Lance out of his thoughts, looking up quickly like he had gotten used to doing.”

The second part of the sentence says that it’s the voice, not lance, that looked up quickly.

“Keith’s face made Lance take an involuntary step back, watching him cautiously.”

This is also odd phrasing that leads to odd mental image. It’s like Keith is pressing Lance around physically… with his face. Keith’s face doesn’t really make anyone do anything unless he’s physically using it. The way it’s described currently gives keith’s face, and not keith himself the agency and importance.

At the very end of the sentence, it’s unclear whether it’s Keith’s face or Lance that is doing the watching cautiously.

I get the idea of the scene, but the phrases used to describe the action are odd. So when the common thread of concern is confusing sentence structure, it’s often a good time to go back to the basics and start from the bottom. try to rewrite sentences three times and pick the best one you like. this can also help stimulate new ideas and new ways of phrasing.

Parenthesis tend to be aside thoughts. Find a way to integrate them into their own sentence or paragraph. Also, things said in parenthesis tend to come across as comedic, so it helps the tone of the serious story to try to minimize them.

The same goes for but / although additions to sentences. Decide if they deserve their own new sentence or paragraph or if that information really needs to be told to the reader at all.

Beware when using epithets. “The blue paladin” sounds cold and unsympathetic. If you want readers to attach themselves, use names.

Story:

There’s a lack of impact in the initial chapter because we are told snippets of Lance’s experiences, but rather than holding it as a mystery, or exploring it in more depth, these things come across like an informative list rather than a story.

Each event and experience that lance has faced, while impactful on its own, loses impact when strung together with the other pieces that come across as list-like.

There are two options of exploring lance’s experiences, and this will come down to how you choose to narrate the story, and it’s this: Do you want Lance to be the POV character or not?

If you make lance the poc character, you can explore all of his thoughts and memories of the events of his capture. It would be an internal tale, and explore him learning to communicate with his team once again.

Or, you could make Keith the POV character, and write more of a “medical mystery / crime procedural” type story, where the team slowly learns of the events that happened to Lance and how deep they go. (this does not have to be a klance fic or romantic at all if you choose to make keith the POV. He’s just the narrator who cares about his friend)

The flaws in the first couple of chapters are a little counterintuitive. The story seems a bit rushed, and one would assume that it’s under explained. I think the opposite is true. It’s over explained, trying to catch us up as quickly as possible to everything that has happened to Lance.

What would make the story more interesting would be to let each event breathe a bit, and explore more of Lance’s sensory reactions and his dialogue with his team than simply stating what happened to him and what went wrong. Show us Lance’s flightiness and mistrust instead of telling us about his torture.

The first chapter could use a bit more environmental description. Where do they go in the lions? How far? When?

The second chapter where Keith is rescuing Lance is fairly straightforward a good, we just need to decide on a main narrator and stick to them.

“Keith wished that he knew how to help, really – it was frustrating to all of them. They wanted to be able to help, but Lance wouldn’t let them in. He still kept everything inside, as he usually did, they’d learned. Lance was the type to bottle up his emotions because he was worried they’d hold someone back.”

This would be a great opportunity to show us Lance’s mistrust instead of telling us. What are his actions? His reactions? What does he do, specifically?

“Coran wished that he could see what was going on inside of Lance’s head so that he could help him.”

This comes across as odd and weak because we as readers can see inside of lance’s head. We were told lots of things by the story, so there’s no surprise or mystery. We feel smarter than Coran, rather than on his level.

The story really starts to take shape in the third chapter, and I really like that Coran is both a main part of the story and well-characterized. But the POV / narration problems are of prime concern. Once we figure these out, it will start to flow much more smoothly and be much more engaging to read!

[wingedscribe]

casper rambles about POV and fanfic

i feel like the literary benefits of fanfiction are really underrated like i know everyone and their mother knows this but I just remembered that one of the most interesting and effective uses of second person i’d ever seen was in some Death Note fanfic six years ago where most of the fic was in third limited

but occasionally there would be moments where we’d switch to another character who would be written in second person and it had two very very important effects: 

1) It obscured the character we were following, which was important because his identity was part of the mystery plot of the main, third-limited plotline--you could put together who the character was, but not until the third or fourth segment in their POV--meaning that you had some interesting mystery and suspense pulling you along. Also, it was so well-written that you could go back to the previous ones and realize “oHHH this makes so much more sense now!!!” 

2) It made you very sympathetic to the character because of saying “X was in love with him” or “i was in love with him” the narration was all in the form of “you are in love with him” and the entire plotline was very introspective and deeply painful (a character was, unbeknownst to him, trapped in his own personal hell) so having this close, personal connection where the reader was also identified as the character made the plotline have a lot more punch like freshman-in-high-school me ended up crying over this plotline

anyway my point is fanfic can have some pretty incredible use of writing technique and i love it

[courtingstars]

Notes for Storming the Castle, Chapters 1 & 2

Hello to my lovely AkaFuri readers! I just posted Chapter Two of Storming the Castle, so here are my notes for the fic, finally. (It turns out the delay was a good thing, because my plans for the fic changed a bit!)

About the Length/Format

Storming the Castle story should be novella length, around 30K~40K. (Fast Train was 85K, so about half that length or less!) The fic has two main parts, one half of the story for each visit. I was going to divide them into six chapters, whenever I switched point of view, but... That would’ve made two really long chapters, and four short ones? (Plus a longer wait for the long chapters!) So instead, there will be eight shorter chapters. The PoV will go like this:

Furi --> Akashi --> Akashi --> Furi --> Akashi --> Furi --> Furi --> Akashi

(Ch. 2 & 3 are basically like a single chapter from Akashi’s PoV, while 6 & 7 are a single Furi PoV. There will also be a short Furi PoV epilogue at the end.)

... Hopefully it will be obvious why I did this once I post more of the story? Either way, at least the chapters won’t take as long to write as Fast Train. XD (For anyone who liked the longer chapters, the third story in my AkaFuri series should be closer to Fast Train’s length!)

Cultural & Miscellaneous Notes

Here are some notes for Chapters One and Two! Mostly about Japanese culture things. A lot of anime fans are probably familiar with most of this, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to write it, in case anyone was curious or wanted details.

(Also, I should mention that I stole a lot of the things in this fic from my sister’s experiences studying and teaching in Japan, so thank you, @spinelstar! I’ll probably talk about my favorite example of that in my notes for Chapter Three.)

(Cut for notes about sleepovers, gift-giving, Furihata’s family’s names, and goodness knows what else...)

On Sleepovers

Generally speaking, Japanese kids don’t spend the night at their friends’ houses as often as kids in Western countries do. Some of it has to do with space; many Japanese houses don’t have a lot of room for guests, and privacy is limited. But also, it’s a bigger deal for guests to visit in general! That doesn’t mean overnight visits never happen, but there isn’t the same “sleepover culture” that I experienced growing up in the U.S. So Akashi being unsure of the “rules” of sleeping over has partly to do with his upbringing as an Akashi, and partly to do with how it isn’t as frequent in Japan. (Which is why Midorima isn’t sure how to answer his questions, and why a guy like Takao--who don’t care as much about politeness--would just wing it. //laughs)

On Bringing Gifts/Temiyage/Omiyage

On that note, there are Japanese customs for house visits in general. If you visit someone’s home, it’s polite to bring a gift. It’s also polite to insist the gift isn’t very good, and for the recipient to refuse it, sometimes multiple times! The recipient may also wait until later to open it. Here’s a rundown of some fairly common visiting etiquette, and more about gift-giving is here and here. In the fic, Akashi gives Furihata’s mother his gift right away, as it’s intended to be refrigerated. (What it is will come up in Chapter Three!)

Visiting gifts are called temiyage. There’s another type of gift called omiyage, in which Japanese people who go on a trip pretty much anywhere are expected to bring back souvenirs for their friends and family. So basically, there are tons of occasions where Japanese families receive gifts! Often a Japanese home will have some of these items on display, or even stuffed in a closet. (The tendency for this to cause clutter is one reason why food gifts are usually preferred.)

On Zaibatsu

I won’t go into this too much, but Akashi’s family in KnB is pretty clearly supposed to be a zaibatsu. The real-life reality of modern zaibatsu is not the same as in popular fiction... But in anime at least, zaibatsu are incredibly powerful old families who are ridiculously wealthy, and head up massive conglomerates. An example of a real-life conglomerate that started as a zaibatsu is Mitsubishi.

On the Genkan

There are different styles of houses and apartments in Japan, but basically all of them will have a genkan! This is the space right at the front door where you take off your shoes. It’s often lower than the rest of the floor, and you leave your shoes inside. Then you walk around the rest of the house in socks, and/or wear slippers.

It’s not always practical for the host family to provide super comfortable slippers to their guests (it’s more common to have a basic pair, if that), but since Furi and Akashi are so close in size, I thought a lending situation would be cute. ❤️ (Or maybe I just wanted to make a “perfect fit” joke because fairy tales, but uh anyway. XD Though I guess it isn’t really Cinderella, maybe more like The Prince and the Pauper? //laughs)

(Also, for anyone curious, I generally picture the Furihata house as looking something like the third photo in this blog entry, or the sixth photo on this page. Both give you some idea what a typical Japanese house looks like!)

On Summer in Japan

The fic takes place in mid-July of their second year, during the start of summer break. So I tried to incorporate a lot of things that are associated with summer in Japan! Mid-July is when the rainy season ends. The rainy season in Japan is unbelievably humid. Hydrangeas bloom during that time, like the ones outside Furihata’s house. Then after the rainy season comes the really hot summer. (I do not recommend visiting Japan in the summer, personally? I have done it, and... yeah. So much sweating. XD) Japanese coping mechanisms include AC units (usually a wall unit in a room with a remote control), fans of all kinds, chilled barley tea, and food like watermelon and chilled soba noodles. Another Japanese item with summer associations is a glass wind chime. (As in this emoji! --> 🎐)

On Shichi-Go-San

One thing that was specifically Japanese about the photo album Furihata’s mother showed Akashi was the photo of the coming-of-age event Shichi-Go-San. This is a sort of ceremony for Japanese kids that happens first when they turn three, and then again when boys turn five and girls turn seven. It’s a really popular time to take pictures, because the children get dressed up in traditional clothes and go to a shrine for a blessing. They also get candy called chitose-ame, which they usually carry around in a long, colorful bag. It’s supposed to bring them property and long life. (”Chitose” stands for a thousand years.)

(If you haven’t seen little kids doing this in person before, I urge you to do a Google image search for “shichi-go-san” and prepare for your brain to melt because it’s pretty much the cutest thing in the known universe.)

On Furihata’s Family’s Names

It’s probably painfully obvious, but I’ve been dying to write about Furihata’s family for forever! The Furihata surname itself means “below the standard” (via this post!), which is... not the most auspicious name? //laughs But it’s why I always pictured them as a very typical, “ordinary” sort of family.

Kouki (光樹) has the kanji for light in his name, and the full translation in the above post is “establishes brilliance.” I always thought that was such a fitting name for him! I wanted his family’s names to sound a bit like his, while also being common names, and having meanings that fit their characters. For his brother, I tried to pick a name that matched my take on his personality, and I came up with Kintarou (金太郎). Which means “golden first son” (and is also the name of a popular folk tale character!). Furihata’s mother is Kaori, and Furihata’s father is Yoshio. Here are the kanji I picked for them:

香織 = Kaori, “fragrance weave” (shares a kanji with the name Shiori because I’m a mean person, also I like to headcanon that they would’ve gotten along)

良夫 = Yoshio, “good man” (also can be read “agreeable husband” //laughs)

I think that pretty much covers it! I’ll have a few more notes to share in future chapters. Thank you for reading, and I hope you’re enjoying the fic! I’m definitely having a lot of fun writing it. ❤️

[writtenbyhappynerds]

FF102: Unit 6, Formatting and Text [part 2]

Welcome back to another week of Fanfiction 102! In Fanfiction 101, we talked about formatting and text. We brought up grammar, how to format paragraphs, and how to tag and use verbs to describe speaking and movement. These are common mistakes that we felt were important to point out. Now in the second part of Formatting and Text, we’ll discuss POVs, ways of writing characters, scene structure, and as we teased last week [Y/N] [L/N].

          POV tags to me are understandable. I used to do them too, and they’re something that people grow out of with time and experience. You will find that so long as you make your character’s voices distinct and recognizable, the reader will be able to pick up via context clues who is speaking. We know that Annabeth Chase has a very different inner monologue compared to Percy Jackson, and we the readers are able to pick up on those context clues of who is speaking without needing a tagged POV. A technical note: if you are going to change the POV of the story it’s best to save it for a new chapter entirely. You want your reader to stay immersed at the moment, and what is happening right there in that very instant. By changing the POV you’re asking them to pull out of that immersion and enter another. This isn’t always a seamless switch. Rick Riordan handled seven protagonists, and he did so by giving each chapter a header with whose POV we were viewing. There’s nothing wrong with that, but notice that he never switches it up on us mid-chapter. He lets that character finish their thought, and then moves on to the next. An additional note: Do not start your story with *POV (Insert OC’s name here)*. We can assume that the story is going to start with the main character’s perspective. We don’t need you to tell us that.

          I personally used to shoehorn a POV change in the middle of the scene because I wasn’t sure how the scene would end and I thought using a different character’s perspective would carry me through the moment. It doesn’t, I just made myself believe that it did. There are many reasons that specific scenes can succeed or fail, and sometimes the worst writer’s block will come because you can’t figure out how a scene is supposed to go. Or, the scene finishes, and now the story is so open-ended you don’t know what to do next. We’ll talk about endings later, for now, let’s focus on why scenes fail.

          If you are struggling with scenes, it may be because they are aimless or pointless. Your writing should be exciting to you; you are the first audience member. You’re the first critic. If you find your own scenes boring and pointless, the audience will find them boring and pointless too. A simple way to get around this problem is to sit back and ask yourself what the goal of the scene is. What is the endgame of this moment? If you can figure out what needs to happen by the end of a specific moment or interaction, you can work your way back and get there. Or, if all else fails, go back to your characters and use them to generate a purpose or tension. In any moment of any book, you can go to it and answer the question: What does this character want? Your own characters should be able to answer that question too, and you can generate tension or motivation with this question:

          Maybe one character wants information another is refusing to give. This back-and-forth can generate tension.

          Maybe two characters are fighting to a goal that they don’t know doesn’t exist. This goal creates motivation.

          Maybe one character is looking for individuality, and they believe their current actions will help them achieve that.

          If you can’t figure out what should happen next or why something doesn’t feel right, go back to your characters and look at what they want. Look at the endgame of that moment, and go from there. I mentioned in the last unit I need to stare at my work until I hate it. I mean that. I sit at my computer and re-read my work until I can find what doesn’t feel right. Then I make the necessary adjustments. If that still doesn’t work, it might just be that the scene is unnecessary filler. If there’s no point in the scene and no purpose to the scene, cut it out.

          Before you start your story, you should pick the point of view you want to write from and stick with it. You can of course change your mind, but if you change your mind halfway through, you have the responsibility to go back and adjust what you’ve already written to match. Which gets annoying. I’ve been there. Try out different points of view. Find what feels comfortable, and once you do stick with it. It’s also your responsibility to establish that point of view quickly in your story, and we’re going to review the three types of POVs in writing:

          First off, we have first-person. First-person is one of the more limited POVs. It uses “I, my, me,” language, and stays with one character for the duration of the work. The reader only ever sees or experiences the story from the point of view of this character. Rick Riordan’s The Lightning Thief was first-person, and we knew it from the first line: “Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood.” First-person lets you hear the inner monologue of a character. You can know what the character is thinking, they can have an inner commentary that is very nice, and the reader can live vicariously through this one person.

          Next, we have second-person. This is where I’m going to @ a community. If you write [Y/N] [L/N] content, one it is so exhausting to type that and I don’t know how you do it, and two, WRITE IN SECOND PERSON. Second person uses “You, your, yours, etc.” It was literally made for self-insert fic, yet self-insert fic writers don’t use it. On top of that the additional tags that have been created over time, including [e/c], [h/c], [h/l], and [f/c]. That is exhausting. I am exhausted just typing it out. You can word a narrative around using those words, and you rip the reader straight out of the immersion in a genre that is meant to be the most immersive! Self-inserts should be written in second person, but they are usually just first-person or third-person stories starring an OC that has no name. It would be better for you, and you would suck the reader in more if you just picked a name and an OC. On top of that, these self-insert fanfictions sometimes spend an inordinate amount of time describing the reader when that is not necessary in the slightest. In the Great Gatsby, Daisy’s appearance was never described. We never know exactly what she looks like, but Fitzgerald uses the joy on her face, the curl of her lip, things that every girl has, and makes them appear beautiful to those who want her and to the audience. You do not need to describe the reader for the audience to believe that they are beautiful. You need to describe the reactions of others. I will give you an example: the following is a scene with the same premise. Steve Rogers is about to pick you up to go dancing. The first paragraph is in second person, the second paragraph is in [Y/N] [L/N].

*******

          It took a week before he said yes, and you weren’t going to waste it. You reached back, contorting your arms so you could wiggle the zipper of your dress up unaided. From behind you a gentle hand overtook yours and closed the gap.

          “What do you think?” You said, turning and letting the skirt float. He smiled down at you, his hands coming up to brush back your hair.

          “Beautiful,” Steve said, his lips curled and his teeth flashed and he pulled your face to his. You had to stand on tiptoes to kiss him and when you did his lips were stained red with your lipstick. “Are you sure about this?” You pulled away, grabbing the last part of your outfit.

          “I’m a good dancer. I promise! You haven’t seen anything yet.” He took your necklace, and you turned to let him put it on you.

          “I’ve seen you in our kitchen at 2 am.” With a roll of your eyes, you swatted him. “I’m just saying!”

          “I’m just saying you haven’t seen anything yet. Prepare to have your mind blown. Your socks obliterated. They won’t even be knocked off; they're going to turn to ash. That's how good I am.” He laughed, looking at your reflection in the mirror. His hands found their home around your waist and he pulled you to him. You loved it when he did that. You felt safe. Protected.

          “I… what if I can’t match you?” With a frown, you turned to face him. “I, I haven’t been dancing ever. And I just, I want to make sure it’s perfect and I don’t want to step on your toes and-” with a smile, you make your way over to the record player. Your fingers trail over the vinyl, picking one of your favorites. When you turn back to face him, there’s sweet music playing.

          “Come here.” He joins you in the center of your bedroom. “It’s been a while since I’ve had to lead, but you put your hands here, and here, and then you always start with your left…” The world was golden. Bright and syrupy and blissful. You never made it out of the house, but you and Steve did go dancing that night. Just the two of you.

****

*****

          It took a week before he said yes, and you weren’t going to waste it. You reached back, contorting your arms so you could wiggle the zipper of your dress up unaided. From behind you a gentle hand overtook yours and closed the gap.

          “What do you think?” You said, turning and letting the [f/c] skirt float. He smiled down at you, his hands coming up to brush back your [h/c] hair.

          “Beautiful,” Steve said, his lips curled and his teeth flashed and he pulled your face to his. You had to stand on tiptoes to kiss him and when you did his lips were stained red with your lipstick. “[Y/N], are you sure about this?” You pulled away, grabbing the last part of your outfit.

          “I’m a good dancer. I promise! You haven’t seen anything yet.” He took your necklace, and you turned to let him put it on you.

          “I’ve seen you in our kitchen at 2 am.” With a roll of your [e/c] eyes, you swatted him. “I’m just saying!”

          “I’m just saying you haven’t seen anything yet. Prepare to have your mind blown. Your socks obliterated. They won’t even be knocked off; they're going to turn to ash. That's how good I am.” He laughed, looking at your reflection in the mirror. His hands found their home around your waist and he pulled you to him. You loved it when he did that. You felt safe. Protected.

          “I… what if I can’t match you?” With a frown, you turned to face him. “[Y/N].  I haven’t been dancing ever. And I just, I want to make sure it’s perfect and I don’t want to step on your toes and-” with a smile, you make your way over to the record player. Your fingers trail over the vinyl, picking one of your favorites. When you turn back to face him, there’s sweet music playing.

          “Come here.” He joins you in the center of your bedroom. “It’s been a while since I’ve had to lead, but you put your hands here, and here, and then you always start with your left…” The world was golden. Bright and syrupy and blissful. You never made it out of the house, but you and Steve did go dancing that night. Just the two of you.

****

          One is more immersive than the other. One has a more professional approach than the other. Writing in second person is uncommon but not invaluable, and if you can wean yourself off of [Y/N] [L/N] you will master an invaluable skill that will make you stand out as a writer versus relying on what has succeeded for others in the past. If all else fails and you can’t figure it out, just pick a name. Any name. Readers often project themselves onto the main character- that’s how you get characters with basic or generic descriptions: brown hair, brown eyes, etc. they’re trying to fill a demographic. Twilight did this, as did the Hunger Games, Divergent, and Beautiful Creatures. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s totally okay to just pick a name.

          The final POV in writing is third person. This is where you have a narrator talking over the story and describing events. A third-person limited narrator only sticks to one character’s thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Harry Potter is written in a third-person limited POV. We only see what Harry is thinking at any given point, and we follow him through the story in third person. Third-person omniscient is a narrator that can describe the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of every character in the story. That isn’t just being able to tell the reader exactly what a person is thinking, it’s describing their feelings and reactions. It is making a statement or inference about a character in a way the main character typically wouldn’t. They are subjective narrators that let the readers draw conclusions based on their descriptions. In my opinion, a third-person omniscient story is the most difficult POV to write because it becomes more difficult to let your readers figure out things for themselves. Part of writing is letting your audience draw conclusions and make inferences on their own, and what other characters are thinking or the methods behind their actions are a big part of that. It can work, and Beartown employs an omniscient narrator, but I have found that most fanfiction follows a third-person limited or first-person POV.

          In Fanfiction 101 we talked about the tropes that bore us. The ones that need to get left behind. The Editor got to talk about how much she hates twins. I recently found out that she hates clones too. However, not all tropes are terrible. Next week we’ll be talking about, “that gud emotional shit.” as it is written in my notes, and why some tropes work well and why they get used again and again.