#with inej going down with her ship

[barethemusicalbutjasonlives]

Jesper living longer then Wylan this , Nina outliving Hanne that.. do you guys really think any of the crows will live past 30?

[magneticflower]

When is it not raining in Ketterdam?

I got rather inspired and wanted to draw Kanej since it had been a while. It snowballed into me also writing a little thing to go along with it. I hope you enjoy both sjsj. The rest of the writing will be under readmore~

 It almost feels like old times, being out on the streets of the Barrel in the wee hours of the morning instead of at the Crow Club to meet her. Almost. Except he wasn't making his way through the Barrel to scout out a target or to discuss intel without the risk of being heard with her, and they weren't teenagers anymore. He was heading towards the docks for a goodbye. It wasn't the first time he had done so in the last five years, and provided her Saints kept watch like she said they did, it wouldn't be the last. 

He made his way down to berth twenty-two and could already see her waiting for him at the railing on the side of her ship, her familiar figure silhouetted by what streams of moonlight could make it through the smoggy sky that encased the Barrel most evenings. He preferred the times when she was silhouetted by the sunsets that only seemed to be visible when she returned, but he couldn't begrudge her for leaving to where she was at her best. He just hated how he felt in the hours leading up to and after her departure. Kaz pulled himself together just fine after, but he had never entirely managed to shake himself of those hours. Maybe one day.

"Punctual as always, Kaz," she said as he made his way to stand in front of her along the railing.

"I know how you like your sleep. I won't keep you long."

"I don't mind losing some sleep, not if it is for you. Saints know I have done it plenty of times before."

"I distinctly remember several instances of you grumbling about that."

Inej rolled her eyes, "Are you trying to keep this brief because you've got somewhere you would rather be, Kaz?"

No, there wasn't a place in the Barrel that he would rather be than right here, right now. Perhaps only his office, but only if she was there with him. "I am trying out being considerate."

"Not what I asked."

Kaz exhaled through his nose, "You know the answer to that, Inej."

Luckily for him, she wasn't keen on being as obstinate as he usually was, so instead of insisting on a real answer, she simply asked, "Then why are you so far?"

He eyed her momentarily, "How could I be closer than I already am while on the dock?"

Inej's eyes looked down and his own followed suit. "Are you telling me you want me to climb up those crates?"

She looked back up, "Well, I may or may not have had my crew leave those right there for that very reason. Come to whatever conclusion that gives you."

"It was raining earlier. They're wet."

"When is it not raining in Ketterdam?"

"Right now."

"Kaz." She gives him a familiar look that tells him she is done with the back and forth. He either does it or doesn't. Of course he does it.

"If I fall on my ass climbing these..." he muttered as he made his way up the boxes to fulfill her request to come closer.

Inej laughed, "If you do perhaps you'll gain greater appreciation for what I used to do for you. At the very least you will leave me with a great memory to reflect on during the less than favorable nights when I'm gone."

Kaz was too busy making his way up to give a retort. It wasn't as if these were particularly difficult, they were just a few measly crates, but his leg never liked this sort of weather and it was proving to stand by that.

"Now that wasn't so bad was it?" She said once he fully made it up, no unceremonious fall to be had.

"It wasn't particularly good either. We're not teenagers anymore," he countered, shifting his weight to better accommodate his leg.

Inej rested her arms on the railing so that she could lean closer to him, a grin on her face. She still had to look down at him even though he stood on the crates now. Regardless, they were closer, just like she wanted. He had wanted it too.

"You're only twenty two, Kaz, you're hardly ancient. Besides, you are the one that declines to simply come on the ship when we say our goodbyes. I know you said it is because it might wake the others, but one day you will have to oblige me, since you are giving being considerate a chance." He knew the last sentence wasn't just a request to come aboard for goodbyes. One day she wanted him to come with her. Maybe one day he would.

"It would be louder. I am not the Wraith."

"No, I suppose you are not. You're just the crow that keeps coming by because she didn't have the good sense not to feed him," she retorts, leaning forward a little more.

"I don't recall you giving me any information recently, Wraith."

"I suppose not," she said as she moved her hands down to place them on either side of his face to prompt him to lean up as she leaned closer to him as well, "Give me a minute to think of something," she finished as she closed the gap between their lips. It was soft and slow. perhaps because the two knew that this was where the goodbye started.

Almost as if Ketterdam couldn't handle the silence of their moment, Inej began to hear the pattering of the beginning of the rainy morning ahead of her. She pulled back, though only enough to stop the kiss, but not enough to let the rain hit his face. Not enough to ruin this.

"Kaz, it's raining."

"When is it not raining in Ketterdam?"

[violets-and-books]

The Crows at the beach

Kaz:

Ultimate mum friend

Doesn't go near the water but finds a spot for all their stuff and guards it with his life

Has 7 individual water bottles, each named and coloured a different colour

The only time you will ever see him in a T-shirt

This man wears jeans to the beach and you can't change my mind

Has 5 towels and also a picnic blanket to sit on

Has individual snacks for each person in tupperware

Only ever gets up from his seat to chase Jesper up and down the beach with suncream

Will deny being a mum friend no matter what but everyone knows the truth

Inej:

Sits with her sunnies on a towel and reads a book

Has an appropriate amount of suncream on and never forgets to top up

Buys everyone ice creams at the end of the day

Plays volleyball and tennis with Jesper, Nina and Matthias

Wades in the shallows with Jesper and splashes him a lot

Tries to tease Kaz into building a sandcastle with her

Convinces Nina to put suncream on

Wears a cute top and shorts

Jesper:

Speedo. He wears a speedo (much to everyone's disappointment)

Refuses to wear suncream but after being chased all along the length and breadth of the beach by Kaz gives in

Teases Wylan on the car ride there and back and gets a towel in the face both times

Once he gets in the sea, you have to fish him out with a net

Plays volleyball and tennis with Inej, Nina and Matthias. He and Inej lose. Jesper's a sore loser

Decorates Wylan and Kuwei's sandcastles

Wylan:

Takes about 100 pictures of the beach, the sky, the sea, everything

Wears a T-shirt, swim shorts and sunnies

Will throw sand at anyone if provoked

Doesn't go in the water until Jesper drags him into the shallows. Then you can't get him out

Searches for rock pools with Kuwei

Finds and keeps any shiny rocks or shells or pieces of sea glass he finds

Has a very serious sandcastle-building competition with Kuwei

Tries to get Kaz to judge the competition and fails

Pushes Kuwei over in the shallows and then runs for his life

Nina:

Wears a bikini and one of those massive floppy hats

Will not put suncream on, she wants to tan

Immediately throws herself down on a towel to sunbathe and falls asleep

Buys everyone fish and chips at lunch

Plays loads of sports with Matthias, Inej and Jesper

Takes a load of beach selfies

Will swim but only if she's not swimming alone

Buys one of those ships in bottles you get from the seaside. She has seven already

Won't drink water unless cajoled into it

Tries and fails to get Matthias to recreate a scene from Titanic

Always complains about being hungry and wanting ice cream

Matthias:

Tried to wear jeans to the beach but was attacked by Nina and a pair of swimming trunks

Spends most of his time building a model of the Ice Court in the sand

Puts on way too much suncream

Complains about the heat to anyone who will listen (no one does)

Don't let him near the water, you'll lose him forever

Judges Wylan and Kuwei's sandcastle competition

Decides it's a draw (so he doesn't get murdered by either)

Absolutely thrashes Jesper at volleyball, tennis and pretty much any sport Jesper challenges him to

Tries to climb the rocks in his swimming trunks and nothing else

Convinces Nina to drink water

Kuwei:

Has swimming trunks with little flames on them

Goes searching in rock pools with Wylan

Snorkels for hours but gets too excited whenever he sees a fish and swallows a mouthful of water

Chases Wylan for half an hour after he pushed him in the shallows

Collects shells only to lose them before they go home

Talks to Wylan about all the fish he's seen. They try to identify them

Tries flirting with Jesper and gets pushed in the shallows (again) because of it

Builds too many sandcastles and then destroys them all on purpose, laughing at the chaos

Climbs one rock and declares himself King of the World

[unactive-shroom]

Hi!! Could I get prompt #8 w/ Kaz Brekker?? Thx!!

(Oh and a fluff ending if possible)!!

*Prompt #*8: Trouble in Paradise ♡ 

“You and your partner spent the day before Valentine’s arguing and yelling. Will you make it up before Valentine’s is through? Or will this years Valentine be the worst yet..?”

Character: Kaz Brekker. Valentine's Event: Here

You turned over in bed, alone. Yesterday you and Kaz had argued and yelled for what felt like hours. You were just tired of Kaz not talking to you - never telling you before a mission would happen, not telling you about a mission he had earlier - heck, you found out from Jesper that Kaz had gotten badly hurt on his bad leg during a mission that you had heard nothing about. That was what had started the argument. You had always respected Kaz’s wishes, never complaining about the limited hours you had to spend with him, or judging him for the things he’d done, the blood on his hands. You kept your distance when he needed it, never complained about only being able to brush hands with him, occasionally a kiss. All you asked was that he told you before he went on a mission, in case it would be the last time you saw him alive. The argument had ended when Kaz had said that he didn’t need you, didn’t need anything to drag him down. Silence, thick like tar had enveloped the crow club after that. You both stared at each other, and while Kaz’s face remained unchanged, you could see the regret trickle into his eyes as he realised what he had said. You had simply turned on your heel and left, heading for Nina’s flat across the city. She let you stay the night - no questions asked.

It was now early morning, grey and wet, rain showering down on the pavements casting an even more miserable shadow on the morning. You left Nina’s apartment without waking her, and headed down to 2nd harbour, knowing Kaz avoided the area because of the increase amount of Stadwatch stationed there. You didn’t bother check if Inej was trailing you - Kaz was planning a big heist tomorrow, and Inej would be trailing their target for the day. At least, that’s what Jesper had told you. Kaz didn’t tell you anything anymore. Anyways, even if Inej had been trailing you, you wouldn’t be able to tell. The only time you stopped was to buy some fried potatoes for breakfast from a street vendor, the greasy warmth being your only source of heat against the blustery Kerch weather. Upon arriving at 2nd Harbour, you simply stood at the wall, watching the ships come and go from the harbour wall. You needed time to think. Was your relationship with Kaz actually working? When did things start to go wrong? He was right, you were dragging him down, holding him back. Sourly dumping the remainder of your fried potatoes in the trash can behind you, you turned and went to walk down the steps leading to the narrow strip of grey, lifeless sand beside the water, before slipping on the wet cobblestones and landing in a heap at the end of the stairs. You cursed as you unsteadily stood up, noticing a long gash up the length of your forearm. Great, you thought bitterly, just what I needed. Luckily there was few people around and no one had seen your tumble, but it was motivation enough to leave your brooding and return to Nina’s to patch yourself up.

Just as you were coming up the back entrance to Nina’s flat, you heard his voice. “Nina, if you don’t tell me, I will gut out this whole flat and throw it all in the Kerch sea - where is y/n?”. He was yelling, and sounded strange, concern laced in his voice. “Inej was suppposed to be trailing her, said she came here, but left early this morning for second harbour. By the time I got there, she was gone. Where did she go? Did she leave Ketterdam? God damn it, Nina, just tell me already!” You briefly considered leaving Kaz to wonder where you were, show him how it felt when he was gone, but you thought better of it. Pushing open the back door to the kitchen, an immediate silence enveloped the kitchen. Kaz and Nina looked at you, wide eyed. You watched his eyes travel from your eyes, to your wild, tangled hair from falling down the stairs, to the dried blood over the gash on your arm. He made an immediate start and limped over to you, gently taking your arm and inspecting the wound. “…Did someone do this?” He asked, looking at you with intense eyes. You looked back at him, anger growing from the pits of your stomach. How could he just waltz back in here and expect everything to be fine between them? You pulled your arm away harshly, saying nothing, and made your way up the stairs to Nina’s spare bedroom. As you were reaching the top, you heard Nina say “I think you really messed up this time, Kaz.”.

You sat on the edge of the bed, trying to tie the bandage around your arm with one hand and your teeth, blinking back tears of frustration. A tentative knock sounded at the door. You ignored it, turning to try get a better angle to tie the bandage around your arm. The door opened and shut, and despite having your back turned to him, you knew it was Kaz. His all too familiar cane clicked against the hardwood floor as he approached you. Both of you said nothing as he sat down beside you on the bed, your back still turned to him. After a few minutes of you still struggling with the bandage, he stood up, and knelt in front of you. You knew it must’ve been hell to kneel on his bad leg, but still, you couldn’t meet his eyes. “Please, y/n.” His hand gently took your arm again, and he gently wiped away the dried blood on your arm that you had missed in your frustration. He bandaged your arm carefully, and as he sat back up beside you, he kept a gentle hold of your arm. Carefully turning your face to look at him, he wiped away the tears that were cascading down your face and said simply, “I’m sorry.”, and for the first time in a very long time, he opened his arms and hesitated, before letting you cry onto his shoulder. He said very simply how he didn’t mean what he had said, and apologised for not communicating with you. He didn’t need a grand display of apology, you knew he meant every word of what he said .

Before long, you and Kaz had left Nina’s house and were walking arm in arm along the exchange. “I did have flowers, but they kind of got trampled on my way here.” he muttered, glancing at you. You looked at him incredulously. “I’m sorry, Kaz Brekker - ‘Dirtyhands’, ‘Bastard of the Barell’- was walking around Ketterdam with flowers? Why on earth -?” He elbowed you, looking sour. “For you, obviously. You think I enjoyed looking like a sappy moron walking around? Look, I’ll get you something else instead. How about-” He pointed at a very expensive looking diamond necklace in a shop window. “-that? We’ve broken in there before, it’s an easy job, just say the word and it’s yours.” You pulled him along, laughing. “Kaz, we both know well that I don’t need a gift as an apology. We just had an argument, that’s all”. “You don’t know what day it is? February 14th, y/n. Don’t tell me you got brain damage when you took a trip down those stairs?” You looked at him blankly, not registering the date until - “Oh! It’s Valentine’s!” You gasped, and Kaz shook his head, smiling. “Wow, Kaz, you really are terrible, fighting with your partner on Valentine’s day.” He chuckled, giving you a funny look. ”Yeah, out of all the things I’ve done in my life, that’s the most unforgivable.” “mhm! you owe me big time”.

Needless to say, after a whole evening spent with Kaz talking and playing cards, you woke up to a pretty piece of jewellery sitting on your pillow, with a note that reads “Maybe don’t wear it out for a few weeks, they’ll probably be looking for it. Lunch at Cilla’s at 12?”

A.n: Happy Valentines! I hope Kaz wasn’t too OOC, It’s been awhile since I’ve read any of the grishaverse books. Thanks for requesting!

[b-b-brekker]

One of the things that fascinates me about the end of the Crooked Kingdom is how it almost seems to reverse the roles between Kaz and Inej.

Inej already thinks their relationship is over before it could even truly begin, she's the one withdrawing now...but Kaz meets her bare-handed and vulnerable. For the first time, he does things that are entirely and truly selfless, without any ulterior motive. He buys her a ship. He brings her her parents. He makes her laugh. And despite his incessant paranoia—his need to manipulate/control/ensure that things go the way he wants—he buys a berth out of pure, blind optimism for if she might return, not when.

And Inej is the one on a mission for revenge. I know people tend to ascribe very pure motivations to this quest—and its true that Inej will save many over the course of her sailing career—but it's funny to me how Inej herself doesn't talk about it in terms of saving people or freeing slaves. In fact, she doesn't mention that aspect of it really at all. She says to Kaz, "I'm going to hunt slavers." (SOC 432).

And in the incinerator, she first conceives her dream she talks about violence. About destroying the system that hurt her:

"She wanted a storm—thunder, wind, a deluge. She wanted it to crash through Ketterdam's pleasure houses, lifting roofs and tearing doors off their hinges. She wanted it to raise the seas, take hold of every slaving ship, shatter their masts, and smash their hulls against unforgiving shores. [...] She would hunt slavers and buyers. They would learn to fear her, and they would know her by name" (SOC 311).

Even when she discusses her dream to Kaz here at the end, she reiterates that her goal is to tear it all down.

"It's not just the slavers. It's the procurers, the customer's, the Barrel bosses, the politicians. It's everyone who turns a blind eye to suffering when there is money to be made." [...] "That could be half the people in Ketterdam—and you want to fight them all." "Why not?" Inej says, "On the seas and in the city. One by one." "Brick by brick" he [Kaz] said (CK 526).

Inej is the one dismantling now, brick by brick. In the barrel, she had to kill people to survive. Now, she's going to be killing for retribution.

Not to say that ending slavery is not a noble pursuit—it 100%, absolutely is. Fuck slavery, all my homies hate slavery. I just think it's fascinating how bloody and violent Inej's chosen path is. And how she doesn't talk about the more noble aspects of her goal—saving people—even once in the duology.

Just...Kaz's story ends with him reuniting a family. Inej's story ends with her threatening to kill Rollin's innocent child. It's not what I would have expected from them.

P.S. I've only read the duology, though I have heard that there are mentions of the crows in some of the other books. I don't know if there's any more information on Inej's time at sea or how Kaz fares in Ketterdam without her? But I don't mind spoilers, they might even motivate me to pick up the other books lol, so feel free to bring up whatever if you feel like commenting :)

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

It’s half past midnight as I’m starting this, who knows what time it will be when I finish it, let’s talk: Inej versus the Wraith.

Ok I’ve been thinking a lot about the distinction between Inej and the Wraith as a concept similar to the desperation of Kaz and Dirtyhands or Kaz Brekker and Kaz Rietveld, and I think I’ve noticed an actual trend in the books of using the epithet at certain times or in certain tones. For example, when the group find the pyre in chapter 19/20 and realise one of the victims is still alive, Jesper shoots them to end their pain. Kaz wanted Inej to do it since using her knives would be quieter than the gun, but she can’t bring herself to. In this moment, she is described exclusively as “Inej”. Later in chapter 20 she kills a parem-drugged fabrikator in order to save their lives, and is described as “the Wraith”. Not only is there the suggestion of a growing distinction between the two, but it is now being noticed by the characters as well as just the reader. For Kaz it’s really only the reader (and maybe Inej but I’d argue not to a full extent until Crooked Kingdom) who sees this distinction because we are closer to him than he lets anyone else get, we are the only people who really know what he’s thinking and see the two sides of his personality or the two potentials for who he could be. But with Inej it’s almost the exact opposite, we as the reader see the idea of the Wraith as an epithet invented by Kaz and an as empowering epithet designed to counter the dehumanising “Lynx” whilst still echoing the trauma of her past by linking very clearly to Inej’s descriptions of leaving her body behind and thinking “I’m already dead, I died in the hold of a slaver ship”, whilst the characters begin to almost refer to the Wraith and Inej as separate entities. I’m using Jesper as my example here since he’s the one to calll her the Wraith in chapter 20 - “trust the Wraith” - and the one to shoot the dying Grisha at the pyre, both to spare them and her from pain. It seems a sudden turnabout to go from a non-verbal or even any kind of communicatory acknowledgment that he needs to step in for her to expecting, trusting, and praising her for killing, but arguably that’s because he has seen a change in her during this short period of time.

It’s also worth noting that Nina almost always calls her Inej, in fact I don’t think she once calls her Wraith (at least to my immediate recollection, feel free to correct me) except when she uses the name to call Kaz out when he says “the Wraith can handle it” and she replies “the Wraith is a 16-year-old girl” and goes on to emphasise Inej’s injuries. But even in this scene, which is on the boat to Fjerda when it’s still unclear whether Inej will even survive and Kaz is talking about making her climb up the incinerator shaft at the Ice Court, Nina begins the conversation by saying Kaz can’t make Inej do that, and he comes back with “the Wraith can manage”. This suggests he sees a distinction between them as well, perhaps that Inej is a religious young woman who’s been left incredibly vulnerable but the Wraith is a hardened criminal with nothing to lose. By choosing to refer to her as the Wraith when he plans to put her through something so incredibly difficult, he is alleviating himself from the guilt of harming a vulnerable young woman by instead considering her as a hardened criminal. Nina calling him out in this shit (yeah I said it and I stand by it) clearly annoys Kaz or he wouldn’t have bothered arguing back to her, as he usually doesn’t. Arguably we could extend this to the idea that the others call her Inej when she’s the person they know and care about but the Wraith when she’s violent or commits crimes so they can actively choose to separate the image of warm, kind-hearted Inej from cruel or calculating Wraith.

Now everything I’ve said so far really comes down to perception so in terms of analysis it’s the kind of thing that you can say confidently and have accepted as accurate or at least as a reasonable interpretation, like when critics tell you that the dream sequence in Frankenstein can mean on of the following 5 things so you agree with them because they clearly know what they’re talking about. (Not that I’m saying the dream doesn’t mean one of those 5 things it can definitely be interpreted in those ways, it’s just an example of something in literature I’ve seen we kind of take as fact when it is, of course, all yo for interpretation). However, I want to be clear that what I’m going to say from now on can be considered a possible theory or interpretation of Inej surrounding her mental state and ptsd response. I’ve talked about it recently as part of other posts and I’m basically about to repeat myself word for word, but I wanted to compress this all into one post on the theme and include the stuff about the characters actually perceiving her that way too.

So first you we have a quote from the Crooked Kingdom Bathroom Scene™️, and what I’m going to say here is pretty much going to be exactly the same as what I wrote in my detailed breakdown and analysis of that scene, which if anyone wants to read is on my page or I can tag you if you’d like. The quote I want to talk about is: “I live in fear that I’ll see one of her - one of my clients on the street. For a while I thought I saw them everywhere”. Now I’m about to say there are 2 was to read this, but I mean this in a “I’ve read this is in two different ways” kinda way not in a “this can only be interpreted in these 2 ways” kinda way ok we’re embracing the de-classicising of literature here (I have no idea if that’s the right word or if that even makes sense but hopefully you know what I mean, I’m tired, bare with me) and we are open to any and all possible interpretations of things in any way they’re written so whooo if you read this quote in a different way let me know would love to hear it, these are the two ways I read it:

Firstly, that when she refers to “her” Inej means Heleen but edits her words as a continuation of this vulnerability she is forcing herself to share in this scene. If we exclude her being vulnerable with the reader, this is the most vulnerable we ever see Inej make herself - aka, this is the only time she allows herself to be deeply vulnerable out loud with another character. I think this closest other time we get is with Nina on the boat to Fjerda when Inej is trying to ward of flashbacks and she tells Nina why she doesn’t have the Crow Cup tattoo. However, that scene is written from Inej’s perspective and therefore gives her the opportunity to show the reader a lot more vulnerability than she shows Nina (eg when she has flashbacks the reader knows but Nina doesn’t because Inej is just egging her on to keep singing and distracting her; Nina knows something is happening but she isn’t being brought into the moment to share it because Inej isn’t in a position where she’s able to share her vulnerability) so our memory of this scene being particularly vulnerable is actually more about Inej being very honest with us, which of course isn’t an active choice, and less about her being very honest with Nina. Having the Bathroom Scene ™️ from Kaz’s perspective gives us the opportunity to have Inej’s openness and vulnerability in the scene far stronger since she has to say something out loud for us to know with certainty that she’s thinking it. Arguably if it had been a less vulnerable scene, Inej would have said “her clients” in reference two Tante Heleen as an added layer of the separation she practices, but here she changes it to “my” clients because she is forcing herself to be uncomfortable because she wants to be able to be more open with Kaz and she wants to continue this vulnerability that she’s allowing herself ti have with him. I feel like I just some variation on vulnerable like 20 times.

The second way I read it is linking back to our main theme of Inej and the Wraith as separate entities. “Inej talks a lot about how she would leave her body behind to exist only in her mind, in passages I find particularly reminiscent of passages in The Handmaid’s Tale (although please note soc is not very explicit whereas tht is incredibly explicit). But to take that idea further, I think there are certain hints, and I think this is possibly the biggest one, to imply that one of Inej’s ptsd responses it to actually view herself today as a separate entity from who she was during her indenture, effectively saying ‘yes these things happened to this body but they didn’t happen to this mind so that should make it easier’ to herself, which is massively self-destructive in nature because it almost creates this idea that she needs to get over who she once was and move on, very similar to the way Kaz Brekker represses Kaz Rietveld. Arguably, what she’s saying is the worst of it is this fracturing of the self that has been created by what they put her through and that she cannot seem to escape from.” (I put that bit in quote marks because I didn’t feel like rewriting it so that’s copy and pasted exactly from my Bathroom Scene™️ analysis post)

Ok there’s one other specific quote I want to bring up and it’s the end of Chapter 2 of Six of Crows, I did talk about it in my favourite quotes analysis of the chapter (which I am planning to continue btw chapter 5 up next if anyone wants to read these posts for the previous chapters let me know and I’ll tag you).

"Inej pitied the boy who might die alone with no one to comfort him in his last hours or who might live and spend his life as an exile. But the night's work wasn't over yet, and the Wraith didn't have time for traitors"

This I think, unless there are more I haven’t noticed/thought of yet is the only other time we get an suggestion of Inej perceiving herself and the Wraith as separate, and it’s arguably more concrete than the amendment of pronouns I just talked about for a ridiculous amount of time. To me, this quote shows Inej as being the girl she was, the girl she should have been, and the Wraith being a creation of necessity to aid survival. Inej is a religious young woman from Ravka who has been through far more than she should have done, but the Wraith was born and raised on the blood-soaked streets of Ketterdam and has every intention of surviving them - no matter the cost.

(That was also pretty much direct quotes from what said before)

It is now quarter past one in the morning. If you made it this far then thanks so much for reading I hope it made sense and was interesting, I feel like I’ve made enough “me rambling about grishaverse after midnight” posts that we can call it a series so if I think of a good name for it I’ll go through a tag them all so if anyone fancies trying to wade through all my middle-of-the-night-analysis nonsense you can find it all together because let me tell you something I never quite acknowledge just how much I’ve posted until I have to scroll back through to find stuff I’ve said in order to reference it in a new post. Anyway, thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed and if you have any thoughts linked to this or grishaverse analysis in general please comment or send me an ask I would love to hear it.

EDIT: sorry, correction, I just realised Inej didn’t kill the parem-drugged fabrikator she killed the parem-drugged squaller; the fabrikator was Nina’s childhood friend Nestor, he died from a combination of injury and the drug

[undiscovered-horizon]

O Rubor Sanguinis - Kaz Brekker x Grisha!Reader

[vulgar language]

[Part 1 - Agnus Dei]

SUMMARY: The Black General docks in Ketterdam and the lives of all four of you depend on booby traps set around the city and whether you really are as powerful as you're led to believe. Standing face to face with the man who's been haunting your family for years, can you stop yourself from becoming a monster?

Kaz may not be the bear he likes to appear as.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 2.7k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist&lt;<

Inej is finally back. Her return has a strange property - it resolves one tension just to build another. But no one is expecting this day to go any differently. You don’t look for sunlight under grim, dark clouds.

“The ship docked,” she informs. 

Three pairs of eyes turn to look at you, watching in anticipation. Guilt and shame swirl inside your chest once again. From this moment on, they are your responsibility. Each bruise, cut and wound they will suffer is as if done by your hand.

You clench your fist to stop the hand from shaking and take in a ragged breath. “Let’s go over this one last time. The main goal is to separate Kirigan from the Second Army soldiers. Our advantage is that we know Ketterdam a lot better.”

“And we set traps,” Jesper adds with visible thrill.

“Exactly,” you point at him with a snap of your fingers. It’s the second best thing to saying ‘a point for you’. “You can’t take on Kirigan’s Grisha all at once, so send them on a wild goose chase through the city. They don’t know much about tactics, they’ll just throw whatever they have at you, for better or worse. While you’re boxing in the Second Army, I’m fighting the Black General.”

A moment of reflective silence falls among the four of you. Jesper, Kaz and Inej exchange glances, then their eyes return to scrutinizing your face. Something’s the matter.

“You’re actually going to kill him?” Inej asks with a hint of disbelief. It’s hard to say whether she’s sceptical you can do it or in awe that it might work, after all. Although the words came from her, you’re well aware that she’s voicing everyone’s thoughts - even your own.

A sigh escapes your lips as you look away from them for a moment. The anticipating stares feel like red hot cauteries; vultures waiting for any sign of their prey passing on. “Only if I have to. Kaz is right, taking down someone of his calibre may be brave but it is impossibly stupid.”

Brekker takes this as a cue to put in his own two cents. “They won’t make it easy,” his tone is harsh. “The Black General expects resistance. He’s not taking prisoners.” Kaz pauses for a moment, probably to accentuate the seriousness of the ridiculous plan they’re about to carry out. “No mourners.”

“No funerals,” the rest of you answer him in unison. It’s more a habit, a reflex, rather than a conscious effort. 

A sting appears in your chest - with a hand on your heart, can you honestly promise this to Kaz? That by nightfall you will not be the one buried underneath streets of Ketterdam?

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Kaz looking at the side of your face. Something’s on his mind, some thought that begs to be set free but he manages to keep it hidden. You don’t acknowledge this observation and leave the club, taking up one of the most reckless thing you could probably come up with.

The widespread panic started somewhere after the first detonation - when one of the Squallers got their face burnt off with phosphorus, causing all of the Ketterdam citizens in the vicinity to run around with a scream on their lips. Overlooking the ramming herd, the explosive did its job and Kirigan’s Grisha soon dispersed through the better portion of the city. Now they are a responsibility to be handled by Kaz, Jesper and Inej. The only thing you can do for them is trust that Veles is looking away from Ketterdam.

You weave the alleyways and streets of the grim city in search of Him. The sounds of fighting are once close by and other times distant. Each whine of agony, a moan of pain, makes your heart stop beating until you’re sure that the miserable shout does not belong to any of your friends. But you can’t know whether the next scream will not come from their lungs. That realization makes you clench your fist a little too tight, nails digging into your skin - the three of them are risking their lives, so you have a chance. It’s only fair that you put your fear on the farthest shelf.

With a newfound determination, you storm through the streets of Ketterdam, never paying attention to anything that doesn’t even remotely resemble the black robe of the General. People run past you but you shove them away. A flame flies towards the sky in a column of frenzy a few streets ahead of you. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Then, the rim of heavy, black material flashes before your eyes right when it disappears around the corner. Anxiety once again blossoms in your chest but you stifle it, ripping it away from your soul and discarding it with a chunk of sensibility and compassion.

The alley is deserted. A narrow, uneven cobblestone road goes up and down, a true nightmare for a cart. A man dressed in all black is strolling through the street, unbothered by the widespread panic and fights across Ketterdam. Truthfully, you’ve never seen the Black General, only heard about him but at that moment, seeing the proud posture and elegant robes, you know it’s him.

“Черный батюшка!” you call out to the stranger.

He immediately stops walking. First looking over his shoulder, then turning around, Kirigan is facing you for the very first time in his life. Despite that, he knows you’re the rabbit he’s been chasing. The deserted street where no civilian will suffer, opponents that recognize each other at first glance - all of this seems almost fated.

“You,” he says thoughtfully, pondering the relatively unimposing sight in front of him. Then, a condescending smile creeps onto his face. “Finally.”

“Me,” you try to sound more unbothered than you truly are. It’s hard to say whether he’s buying your act. “Always and invariably, me.”

There’s no word of warning, not even a dishonest attempt at negotiations born out of courtesy rather than diplomacy - Kirigan does some complicated motion with his hands and suddenly there’s a blade made out of solid darkness charging at you.

But since it’s material, it must obey the laws of physics.

With barely a flick of your wrist, wispy flame, lilac in colour, wraps itself around the shadow, forcing it to change the trajectory of its flight. A thundering sound, a cloud of dust - the blade flies through the brick wall of a nearby house.

Something changes about Kirigan’s face. The condescending, cocky mannerism falters when he’s not consciously keeping it up. An expression of surprise, if not disbelief, dances across his features before he’s pulled back into the moment. No matter how stern and unbothered he may appear, you’ve already seen the General’s doubt in his own superiority. Playing into his broken confidence might just be the solution.

You shake your head in disappointment. “Why are you doing this to yourself, Alexandr? You know you can’t kill me with your power.”

Kirigan falls to his knees when you clench your fist, the same lilac smoke hovering around his body. He can’t move his hands and any attempt at conjuring darkness end with the shadows falling on the cobblestone in coal-like ash. In no rush, you stroll closer to him.

Standing maybe a metre or two away from him, you can see into his dark eyes - nervousness and contempt swirl together as though his human form is just a disguise, hiding a rabid animal underneath.

“I am both the rock and the tree roots that crumble it,” you begin in a condescending tone, “the mountains and the turbulent waters eroding them.” Slowly leaning down, you face him with merely a palm’s length between you. “I could be your god. I can make you beg,” you grit through your teeth.

Kirigan bursts into laughter, shaking his head in disbelief. “Do you really believe this nonsense? That you’re anything beyond a barking, toothless mutt?” Suddenly, his amusement disappears as swiftly as it came to be just a second ago. “You’re just like him,” he spits ouit. “Too weak to make a change, to be someone. I can help you, make you into something that matters.”

You take a step back. It’s both pathetic and impressive that a man rendered powerless claims to be the key to some inexplicable strength. The longer you look at Kirigan, to more you’re certain that he genuinely believes his own words; having gone through spirals of madness, he circled back to some twisted normality.

Kneeling before you, unable to defend himself in any way that matters, he's something of a prisoner - a man held hostage by mercy and vengeance battling inside your head. You could just... kill him. The curse that had haunted you and your family for centuries, it can end just like that - snap your fingers, flick your wrist, it doesn't take much.

You swallow thickly; a deep, ragged breath inhaled through your mouth. This must end, his reign of paranoia and delusion, but you know the day is yet to come - not here, not right now.

In a spiteful manner, you cross your arms on your chest. A cocky smile crooks your lips. Even if you don’t kill him, this is going to be equally satisfying. “See, батюшка, that’s the difference between you and me: you must be someone, while I can be anyone.” You shrug. Then you nod your head, silently agreeing with his words, although only a percentage of them. “You know, there’s a thousand ways I imagined killing you. Maybe I’ll increase your blood pressure, giving you a heart attack after a heart attack until the muscle finally gives out or slowly put more pressure on your skull until it pops like an overripe watermelon. I could also change the density of the air, making you suffocate for hours on end.” You sigh in defeat, throwing your hands up. “But you’re right, I am just like Mikhail. That’s the only reason why you’ll get to see another day.”

Before Kirigan has a chance to continue this pointless dispute, you kick the side of his head with all of the strength you can gather. With a loud thud, he hits the cobblestone road, knocked-out cold. Incapacitated for a moment but nowhere near dead. Although you have no way to be sure about that, something tells you that you got your message across and Kirigan is going to direct his delusion of grandeur elsewhere - at least for now.

“You know what’s the problem with chasing rabbits?” you say to the unconscious General. “There are bears in the woods.”

Some of your drink spills as you hit your glass with Jesper’s, raising a toast for all the tears you will not cry over your friends. You whine and laugh, feeling brandy running down your fingers. For tonight, it’s the only sorrow you’re going to suffer.

You’re drinking the alcohol while listening to Jesper’s tall story of how he brought down one of the Infernis earlier. He’s absolutely amazing at the craft, gesturing and adding noises to paint the picture. The tale is so engaging, you don’t notice Brekker’s eyes burning into you. Maybe part of your dismissal of his behaviour is because you’ve grown to know him a little too well - always pessimistic until his own skills are being evaluated. He will probably tell you words of impeding doom, revenge of the General, and although he will be right, you don’t quite want to think about the inescapable future just yet.

To your misfortune, as you think at the moment, Kaz gives Inej a meaningful look and she picks up on the silent message immediately.

“Let’s get another round,” she says as she pulls Jesper up by his arm. He doesn’t seem to mind, following her through the crowd to the bar.

Kaz leans forward, resting his forearm on the table. “You did the smart thing, letting the Black General live,” he begins.

The mention of the man in black robes makes you sober up immediately, his condescending smile flashing before your eyes. You finish the rest of your drink in one go, the glass clicks loudly against the wooden table as you set it down.

“Save that for the day he comes back all fucked off.”

He only scoffs, amused at your sudden lack of humor. You’re watching Kaz as he fishes something out of his pocket and places it in front of you on the table. A glint of polished golden surface - the watch.

Strange. It looks a lot better, newer, than you remember. With furrowed eyebrows, you look at Kaz but his expression remains unreadable. Cautiously, as if the pocket watch is about to bite your hand off, you pick up the keepsake. Pressing down the button on the top, the lid pops open. Your eyes widen in surprise - the hands are steadily moving around the face of the clock.

Your eyes snap back to look at Kaz. Something equally warm as it is flustering sprouts inside your chest. “You had it fixed.”

“It’s a nice watch,” he answers with a certain tone of indifference. But if he was willing to go this far about something he was supposed to just keep in his pocket, there had to be at least a speck of care behind his cold exterior. “There’s something else that might spark your interest. Come with me.”

The garden square is nearly deserted. Those who do walk through it, use it as a shortcut rather than a green area meant for leisure. Plantanetrees tower over you, their widespread crowns rustle as cold wind brushes against them. A leaf or two falls with a stronger gust, covering the neatly-kept lawn in reds and oranges.

In front of you is a bench - a park bench like there are thousands throughout Ketterdam. And yet, this one is unlike any other. It’s so uncommon, in fact, that you can hardly believe you’re standing in front of it. Your teary eyes read the plaque on the planks once more:

In loving memory of Kosomova Anastasia Fyodorovna. One mother’s sacrifice is worth that of a thousand martyrs. 

“Thank you,” you whisper to Kaz, your voice wavering with unconsolable emotions. His face is still stern, impenetrable, but he appears calm rather than somber. “She would have loved it.”

“Do you?” he asks immediately after.

A dry chuckle flies past your lips. Despite the tears running down you face, you smile - genuinely. “This is the nicest thing anyone has done for me.”

Kaz doesn’t say anything in response but neither does he leave. The two of you are standing there motionless, taking after the impressive plantanetrees rustling over your heads. Autumn wind brings stray raindrops with each gust, the oncoming rainstorm mixing with your tears on your cheeks as though they are one and the same. Gas lamps shine with dim, yellow light - not enough to brighten up the forgotten garden square. Despite the surrounding darkness, the plaque is still fairly legible as the lamplight cascades off the polished metal.

When the emotions finally settle down, you find yourself wondering about the imminent future you had been chasing away earlier this evening. Perhaps Kirigan has withdrawn but it is more than foolish to assume he has abandoned his mission like a wolf that disappears into the thick forest only to come back with the rest of its pack; the howling of tomorrow resonates in your ears.

“What happens now, Kaz?” you ask quietly.

He spares you a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

With a sigh, you look to the side to meet his gaze. “We’re in open conflict with the Black General. He might keep away for now but one day he’ll come back.”

Kaz slightly turns to face you with the rest of his body. The strange softness in his gaze disappears in favour of something cold and determined but never calloused; the same water that cleanses, drowns. “Then we’ll fight him again.”

The word ‘we’ brings you a sense of comfort. It’s a lovely sentiment - to not have to stare down into the abyss alone.

“You have incapacitated a handful of Kirigan’s personal guard and you’re harbouring a fugitive.” You pout your lips thoughtfully and nod your head. “I guess now it really is your fight.”

“You’re always my fight,” he states firmly, almost as if he is arguing with you. “Whether you like it or not.”

___

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @coldheartedmar @thecraziestcrayon

[usmsgutterson]

Haunted- K.B x Fem! Sun Summoner! Reader

Okay, this was requested by @freddycarterswife​, and the only reason I’m making a separate post is because I didn’t want the post with her notes and mine to get too long and clog up anyones dash, so this was my solution! 

I have two more requests in my inbox and then my requests will be open again and I have a big plan coming up for my two year anniversary on this account (which is being combined with my 600 follower celebration because why not) so a lot is going to come out during the second half of this week! I’m looking forward to it and I can’t wait to start accepting requests again

Fic type- angst with a fluffy ending

Warnings- mentions of death, torsos and legs separating with the use of the cut, mentions of guns, mentions of cremation ashes

You’d fled Ravka in the last days before the war began, vowing never to let anyone know of your status as one of the only two sun summoners who existed in the world at that time. 

You fled to Ketterdam stashed on a cargo ship, having expected to find decent lodgings near Fifth Harbor and continue as you had, alone in your endeavors and without fear. 

You had enough money to get through your first week, and you found yourself in the Barrel. You saved Kaz from being jumped and got yourself a room in the Slat free of charge and a job working at the bar in the Crow Club on weekdays. 

Kaz must’ve noticed it right off the bat, the way with which you carried yourself and the way that you seemed just to exist. It didn’t feel like you were a girl who was down on her luck but rather a girl with a past full of secrets. 

But you worked at the Crow Club, you lived in the Slat, and you’d joined the Dregs nearly right off the bat. The money you’d brought with you for your first week dwindled quickly, but the money you made from the jobs that Kaz put you on the crew of made up for it twentyfold, at least. The money was good, the people great, and eventually, your life in Ketterdam was one you settled into; it grew into a secondary home, of sorts. 

You summoned the sun on a semi frequent basis to keep yourself from growing sick in the absence of your small science, oftentimes using it to bring light when your oil lamps had died and you were still reading, occasionally using it to bring you warmth when it grew cold in the Slat during the winter. 

By the time you’d lived in Ketterdam four years, Kaz came to you with the biggest heist yet. It was in Ravka, the theft of several important jewels and a few apparently priceless enameled eggs with promise of good money from Nikolai Lantsov and his wife, Zoya Nazyalensky. 

Nikolai had told Kaz to name his price and Kaz had promptly told him that his price was a minimum of forty million kruge. With those words, the deal was sealed and he’d come to you, asking if you were in or out.

You’d told him you were in, and that got you where you were, standing in a dusty hotel room near the location of the items that you were to steal and return to the palaces. 

Nina and Matthias were grabbing food at the small restaurant located inside the hotel, Wylan and Jesper grabbing ice and coffee grounds from the machines at one end of the hallway, and Inej was scouting, seeking any last minute details that could’ve been helpful when the heist was to go down within the following two hours.

“Be careful,” Kaz said, eyes watching the sun as it began to set. You’d been watching it, too. Four years since you’d last seen a Ravkan sunset. As it turned out, you’d missed them more than you thought. “This entire heist is a risk, Y/N. Try not to get yourself killed.”

A grin came easily to your face as you resisted the urge to summon an arc of sunlight, bright and blazing into the room. 

You almost wondered what would happen if you did. Kaz had long grown used to the two of you having your own secrets, and would he really care? Would he even blink at the fact that you could summon the sun, especially when one considered that Alina Starkov had died and at least ten sun summoners had been left in her wake? Would he really care about it other than connotating that, had you told him, it could’ve been a useful tool on a few of the jobs you did? 

“You too, Brekker,” you said. “Don’t die on me, Kaz. I’d hate to plan a funeral for you.”

He turned to you, and you caught a smirk on his face. “Well, I do at least expect a headstone. My enemies need something to spit on when they’ve heard of my death.”

“Nah,” you said. “No headstone for you or your enemies. I’ll cremate you, turn some of your ashes into a necklace and put the rest into a remake of your cane, provided I find a Fabrikator who can even passably replicate it.” 

“If you die, I’ll put your ashes into the water at Fifth Harbor,” he said.

“No, you won’t,” you rebutted. “You’ll put them into soil, and use that soil to plant a garden. I’ve got a will, Brekker. You will abide by it.” 

Kaz scoffed. “What, living in the Barrel make you so unoptimistic that you felt the need for a will?” 

“Living in Ravka did,” you said. “Not really a good place to live when the Unsea was expanding and a war was almost guaranteed. I left the day before the Darkling expanded it, haven’t been back around until now.” 

Kaz only nodded. It was another piece of your history that he didn’t know, another tidbit given to him, another tidbit that meant he would likely give you something in return. 

At that, the both of you heard Wylan and Jesper as they opened the door.

“Just don’t get killed,” Kaz said. “I am not the man who will put your ashes into soil or plant them into a garden, so keep your head, at the very least.” 

You shook your head, grin moving onto your face slightly. That was as much as Kaz telling you he loved you, and you’d find a way to tell him you loved him in return, be it that night or in due time. 

-

You were panicking. 

The jewelry had been procured, the enamel eggs in all their horrific, ugly glory were in the bags that you’d hauled over your shoulders. The guards had located you, though, and as fast as the seven of you were capable of moving, it seemed the guards were faster. 

You turned just in time to see two guards aiming their pistols at Kaz and Jesper. As though it were instinct, you raised your hands, summoned all of your power to the forefront of your mind. 

You were on autopilot, almost, as you summoned a blazing beam of light, held it in your hands, wielded it as a weapon of your own. 

And then, you released it. 

You watched in terror as your light sliced the guards in two from their torsos, hallowed screams leaving their lips as their knees toppled and their guns fell from their loose, dead hands. 

Everything stopped. Jesper, Nina, Inej, Kaz, Wylan and Matthias turned around, having stopped in their tracks. All of them looked to you instantly. Your throat dried and you hated yourself for the fact that you found you had no words. 

“You’re a--” Nina began, but Kaz cut her off.

“You can summon the sun, and you never told anybody,” he said.

You didn’t speak, only crumbled to the ground. You weren’t supposed to do that, and some part of you regretted it. But the other acknowledged that you’d done what was necessary to keep Kaz and Jesper alive. 

“Whatever,” Kaz said, deeming it unnecessary to carry what was almost a fight into a fight, be it with words or balled fists. “We’re leaving. This is done.” 

“Don’t leave me like this,” you said, finding the words at the least opportune time. “Please, don’t.” 

“May you find someone else to churn your ashes in the soil and make a garden out of them,” he said. “Because it won’t be me.” 

You surrendered the bags you’d carried to Nina, who looked at you pitifully, and watched the crows go. 

You left after what was probably fifteen minutes but felt like a thousand days, finding yourself in an alleyway, back pressed against the wall. Your ability to summon was always where things went wrong in life. 

It’d nearly gotten you killed when you refused to be the Darklings puppet. It’d nearly gotten you killed when Alina had come around and he realized he didn’t need to hold out hope that you’d come around anymore. Refraining from using it in longer pockets of time had nearly killed you, too. 

In the end, your ability to summon the sun had been what caused you to lose everything.

You felt the tears fall, and you let them. You’d be haunted by them, the friends you’d once had, for a lifetime, and that was the precise reason you couldn’t go back to Ketterdam. 

On the other hand, what choice was there? Would you go to the Grand Palace, plead your case and pray to the saints that Nikolai would allow you a room to stay in? 

Would you smuggle yourself onto a cargo ship just as you’d done four years before? Would you live a life somewhere new, perhaps Novyi Zem, where Grisha were considered to be blessed? 

You had no idea, but you knew that you would be haunted by Kaz Brekker, his crew, and Ketterdam for the rest of your life. There was no going back, not after that. 

It was just a matter of where, exactly, you would go.

-

You found yourself on Ketterdam soil six months later, the city chilly and the leaves changing as was typical with October weather. You found Jespers gaze in the same time he found yours, a grin easily coming to his face. He’d missed you, so it seemed. 

“Glad you got my letter,” he said as you stepped onto the dock. “I’d been going off rumor, mostly tidbits and things that Inej heard of you. Mercenary, hm?” 

You shrugged. “Needed something to do after that night. Figured that being a killer for hire was my best bet, and mercenaries make a shit ton wherever you end up. How’d you know I was in Novyi Zem, exactly? I’m good at keeping my locations under wraps so thick that even Inej shouldn’t’ve figured it out.” 

Jesper shrugged, shook his head. “You didn’t when you moved on from the Wandering Isle to Novyi Zem. Maybe you subconsciously wanted to be found? Maybe you missed me, or a certain Barrel boss who dresses like he’s a businessman?” 

You laughed. “I’ve missed you and the rest of the Dregs, certainly, but Kaz? No. I haven’t thought of him since he left me after I’d saved his bloody life.” A lie, though it sounded convincing enough. 

You’d thought of him everyday, day in and day out. You were haunted by him, just as you’d thought yourself to be, haunted by him and by Ketterdam and the Crow Club. You’d vowed never to go back, but then Jesper had written to you and explained that Kaz wanted to discuss something. 

So, hesitantly, you left Novyi Zem, a place you were starting to think could be a home, and there you were. Walking to the Slat and talking to Jesper and ignoring the way that your heart could not stop racing at the thought of seeing Kaz again.  

Jesper only laughed. “Sure. I’ll believe that if you do.” 

You stuck your tongue out at him in retaliation, the rest of the walk being filled with updates on how things had been in Ketterdam and stories of Novyi Zem and the Wandering Isle in turn. 

Then, you were at the Slat, leaning against Kaz’s office door, not looking at him as he did not turn his gaze up from the heist he was planning to look at you.

You summoned a beam of sunlight to your fingertips, made a loose fist and flicked your fingers out, watching amusedly as a sliver of sunlight moved and skittered across the room to Kaz’s desk, glinting sharply against the inkwell that was within his vision and causing him to close his eyes and blink in confusion before he looked up and saw you. 

“Good,” he said. “You’re here. We’ve much to discuss.”

“We’ve nothing to discuss,” you responded. “Unless, of course, this discussion is to begin with you apologizing for leaving me in the dust when I was the reason you didn’t get killed, even if it meant I’d killed two other people as a result. I want an apology, Brekker, and unless you give me one, or, at the very least, a Brekker-ified version, this discussion is over before it can begin.” 

Kaz sighed as he leaned back in his office chair, gesturing to the coffeemaker he kept by the door. 

“You don’t look well rested.” 

“Nor do you.” 

“I can imagine that killing people leaves you with fewer resting hours.” 

You scoffed. “I don’t kill innocents, Brekker. In the four years we knew each other before you left me in the dust, I figured you could’ve deduced that the death of innocent people is strictly against my moral code.” 

“First off, you’re right,” Kaz said. “You saved my life that day. I know. I know it probably means I owe you, too.”

“The one thing you did owe me has just been given,” you said. “Not quite the words I was looking for, but good enough. Now, what do you really want?” 

“To start over,” Kaz said. “We could use a mercenary on the crew, and... people have certainly missed your presence here.” 

You grinned. “People being you, Brekker?” 

Kaz stayed silent, a begrudging look that said: you know exactly what I mean and I am not going to say it out loud because I am afraid that admitting it makes me weak by default lingering in the blue of his eyes. 

“Yeah, people being you,” you nodded, and he nodded. “One reason to agree, then. All I need is one reason.”

“The pay will be decent,” he said. “Better than decent. Name your price.”

“You really are desperate,” you laughed. “Missed me that much, did you?”

“Your price?”

“The biggest available room you have in the Slat,” you said. “My old job at the bar in the Crow Club, and the promise that, if I die on any heist in which I am included, you are the one who churns my ashes in the soil and uses them in the planting of a garden. Don’t care what you grow, as long as you’re the one doing it.” 

Kaz laughed, and the part of you that loved him responded like things were as they had been six months before, your heart giving a flit that you did not put aside. 

“You’re quite the easy bargain,” he said. “I agree to your terms. Welcome back.”

You grinned, and Kaz felt his heart begin to race just the same as it would’ve six months before, when he’d catch you grinning at one of Jespers jokes or something like a dandelion coming up through a crack in the cobblestones. When he would catch a grin that would come onto your face during the rarer sunny days in fall, most often happening after a series of storms, your face turned to the sunlight as you basked in it. 

“You don’t hate me for it still, do you?” You asked. “The fact that I didn’t tell you?”

“I did for a solid two weeks,” he said. “And then my only thought was that you saved my life and that I scorned you for it. I never really hated you, not for a moment. Do you still hate me?” 

You laughed, and Kaz felt his racing heart lighten into the weight of air. 

“I don’t hate you,” you said, approaching the coffeemaker. You started up a pot, grabbed a book from one of his shelves, and found yourself on the windowsill, just like you would’ve been seven months before, reading while he planned out the next big thing and feeling your heart swell every time you looked at him. 

You stayed there through the remainder of the day, occasionally summoning a sunbeam at the right angle while you chatted with Kaz, watching as a rainbow fell across the pages on which he wrote. You felt like yourself again, no longer haunted by Kaz and Ketterdam but rather, happy as ever to be back and in his company. 

[mordredisacoolname]

GRISHAVERSE CHARACTERS WHEN YOU FALL ASLEEP ON THEM

Shadow and bone / six of Crows

MALE READER (can also be read as gn)

Characters: Alina Mal Genya Nikolai Kaz Inej Jesper Nina Wylan Matthias

*Mostly based on the show as I'm only in the middle of Siege and Storm

ALINA- you were both very tired, riding in a carriage led by horses. Alina was starting outside the window when she felt a weight on her shoulder, turning her head she saw you with your eyes closed asleep on her. Smiling to herself she moved a little so you'd be more comfortable and spread a little warmth through you so you won't be cold. She tried staying as still as possible in the carriage to not wake you up.

MAL- you were both drinking some kvas and talking nonsense outside your tent while everyone else were asleep. As he stared into the sky talking about keramzin memories he was interrupted by your head falling on his shoulder. "Do I bore you this much?" He barked out a laugh, watching your sleepy face and moving to a more comfortable position. He decided to let you sleep a little more before waking you up and returning to the tent.

NIKOLAI- you were hanging out in his ship quarters with a few other ship mates, his arm hang around your shoulders when he felt your body leaning towards his own, your hair tickling his neck. He watched you in amusement while Tamar and Pryvet were telling a story about a past adventure, tightening his arm around you.

GENYA- you both were sitting on a sofa in your room at the little palace, genya talking about her day and (rightfully) complaining about the queen, with a tea cup in her hand. When she asked you about your opinion, not hearing an answer she glanced at you finding out you were asleep. She presumed you were just leaning against her as you often did, but to her surprised you were just passed out from the tiring day as a grisha in the little palace. Smiling softly she carefully helped you fully lay down on the sofa, and left you to your rest.

KAZ- you were sitting in his room trying to form the next step leading to the fall of Pekka Rollins when he felt a slight weight on his shoulder. He immediately tensed up frozen in place. He tried calling your name hoping you'd wake up but unfortunately for him you didn't. He wanted to shrag you off, and he would've if you didn't know each other for a very long time. It felt weird, anxious but also a little comforting. He stayed like this still as a statue for a few minutes before slightly tapping you on your arm to wake you up.

INEJ- you were both sitting outside in silence wanting some peace and quiet from the loud tavern when inej felt your head slip down to her shoulder. She smiled softly, studying your face; feeling the urge to let you stay like this forever. Unfortunately it was getting late and unsafe outside, so she had to wake you up, but she really enjoyed those few minutes of you together.

JESPER- you were sitting at a table in the barrel watching people drink, talk and play, when you felt the tiredness creeping up on you "don't you dare fall asleep and leave me alone in this boredome" said Jesper while holding some sort of drink on his hand. "I'm not asleep" you perked up at the accusation, taking a sip of your own drink you left on the table. As the time passed on, you stopped answering Jesper's questions and observations. "Not asleep my ass" he snored, finishing the rest of his drink and helping sleepy you stand up and go to your room.

NINA- you were sitting on soft cushions near a window watching the snow. You rented a small room and decided to lit a fire and warm up a bit. You were both quiet, enjoying the outside view and the inside warmth, wrapped together in furrs. You slowly fell asleep, head tilted back when Nina noticed you're not awake, laughing quietly she guided your head on her shoulder, tightening the furr around you two.

WYLAN- wylan was mixing some stuff together when you called him to take a break and join you on the sofa, petting the empty space besides you. After a few protests he finally agreed and sat down next to you, your arm wrapping around him. Drawing him closer you kisses his head, nuzzling your nose to his wild hair, feeling sleepy. He was telling you about what he was making when you slowly started shifting away to sleep. When he noticed he smiled trying not to move his head too much as your head was on his. He was just sitting there squished between you and the sofa, and eventually fell asleep too.

MATTHIAS- he was sitting all grumpy away from the rest of the crows when you approached him. "Mind if I join you" you asked not waiting for his answer and sat down besides him. "Why do you ask if you're going to do that anyway" he scowled. You shrugging your shoulders leaning against him and observing everything that was going on in front of you. Announcing you were tired, you tilted your head to rest on his shoulder, instantly falling asleep. Looking at you Matthias sighed annoyingly, but let you stay mumbling something in Fjerdan.

[writersblockedx]

Criminals and Crows

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Summary - For the Crow's next job, they're in need of a pirate; Kaz tracks down you. But despite being the man to hire you, he's having a hard time trusting you. Warnings - mentions of violence, alcohol, sickness, I have no idea how ships work but I did my best at writing it. Words - 3.1K

Masterlist

There weren't many people Kaz Brekker trusted. In fact, when he thought on it, there was about zero people in which he trusted. Everyone he strung into his heists were a risk. He just made logical, pragmatic decisions on choosing who posed least threat. For awhile, that had consisted of Jesper and Inej. But with their newest heist, they were going to need a little more manpower than just the trio. More importantly, they were going to need a ship and a captain. In short, Kaz was going to need a pirate.

Through searching all of Ketterdamn, he located the least risk. Though, still a great risk: You.

Living in Ketterdamn meant you knew all about Kaz Brekker. And quite honestly, the stories told of him made sure you stayed away from his schemes and his need to fill his pockets with kruge. But he certainly knew how to make a deal.

"200 kruge." He had offered.

You looked at him through narrow eyes. In the midst of the Crow Club (something you too had consciously steered away from), you sat across from the man. The black sleeves of his shirt rolled up, his brows menacing as he slicked his hair back from his face. He was leaning as far back in his chair as he could, not making a move other than his lips. But you moved forward. Your elbows hit the woods of the table which was situated between the two of you. "You've told me nothing. I can't agree to anything yet." You scoffed at the way the man was playing this.

His eyes gave a glare but you doubted he didn't ever drop such glare. "You'll get more information when I know you're on board with this." He planned.

"I don't even know how far I'm taking you."

"As far as 200 kruge is worth." He said before standing abruptly, taking his cane back into his hold. But he didn't turn. Not right away. His glare burned down onto you as you stared up at him, trying to work out the thoughts which were stringing together in his mind. "I need an answer by dawn." With that, he left.

You stayed glued to that table in the Crow Club for the remainder of the night. Nursing a pint of ale, running through what was to gain by working with Kaz Brekker. And honestly, the decision to turn up the next day had come from a feeling of curiosity rather than searching for the need for another job. You had enough contenders when it came looking for kruge - but this was drowning in enigma, reeling you in like a fish a hook and you couldn't seem to resist.

Within six hours, as dawn hit and the sun danced in the sky once again, the Crow Club was nowhere near as busy. In fact, it was empty. Well, apart from the three figures that were crowded around a small table, papers littered between them. For a moment, you watched from afar, wondering if you might be able to catch word of their schemes. But you had failed. It didn't take long, just a footstep too loud for Inej to snap around. Her eyes gazed over you, narrow just like the way you looked to Kaz the night before; trying to figure you out.

Her head lifted as the two boys turned their heads to look at her. No one said anything at first but the air seemed filled with unspoken words. Then Kaz dragged himself up to his feet, "You came." He observed.

You didn't reply straight away. Instead, you took the next step down, continuing your walk across to where the trio were crowded. And you didn't say anything until your feet stopped, right in front of them. "A job's a job," You paused, jolting your gaze to Inej and Jesper. "Right?"

Kaz was watching you with careful eyes like he was watching a predator; one of which was unpredictable. And when you wandered around the table, passing Inej and Jesper, he didn't stop you. Your eyes danced between the papers, head tilted as you attempted to connect the dots in front of you. No one stopped you. So you reached your hand out, grasping one of them which provided you with the most information. "Erm," Called Jesper as he watched you. "Is she allowed to look at them?" He gazed back at his boss who gave no indication of not, so you continued.

You found yourself picking up a map with a red circle drawn around a certain town, "Caryeva?" You read the town out. And then you looked up, meeting directly with the eyes of Kaz Brekker. "That's where you want to go. Why?"

"It doesn't matter why, your job is to get us there." The man argued.

A huff fell from your lips as you dropped the paper back to the table, "You said I'd get more information when I was on board with this." You recalled.

Kaz gestured his hand to the paper you had just dropped, "That was your information." He said. "And from what I've heard, you don't quite possess much of a moral standing so I doubt it would matter if we told you our intentions or not." He went on - something of which you couldn't argue against. So, instead, you kept quiet. He took a step forward, facing you between the table with Inej and Jesper still lazily sat, looking up at the two like a fight was about to break out. Kaz reached for his pocket, pulling out a sachel. A heavy sachel which clanked against the wood of the table when it dropped. "That's 100. You'll get the rest when the job is done and you're still alive."

You didn't need to say anything; your glare did it all. But Kaz turned his back with that, walking away as you watched. And for a long moment, you stood there, gazing between the sachel and the empty space where Kaz had been standing. Both Inej and Jesper were awaiting what decision you made. They didn't quite care if they were honest. They needed a captain (and the ship that came with them), but that didn't exactly mean they needed you. But alas, your hand reached out, taking the kruger and leaving the Crow Club to await further instructions.

Kaz had planned to leave that night; dark and cloudy where their dark shadows couldn't be caught heading towards the docks where you were waiting. And their friendly welcome was no different. They each wore straight lines for smiles and held their hands like they were shaking to reach for a weapon.

"We all ready?" Kaz asked as he came right to the ship where you lingered in front of.

You glanced to Jesper and Inej who were holding boxes of Saints knows what, "All ready for Caryeva. For whatever it is you need to do that you won't tell me." It was a jab that hadn't all that much bothered any of them. They would much rather keep quiet than risk having their plans leaked by a captain who couldn't keep their mouths shut. But you took a step to the side, gesturing your hand for them to step on. "All aboard." You said through a dull tone as Kaz stepped on first, his cane hitting the wood of the ship with a thud. Inej followed and then Jesper who provided a salute - the only significant sign of a welcome you had gathered so far.

The trio were very much not used to ships, to sea, to the rocking and turning. When you got onto the boat yourself, you found that a glimpse of the trio was comparable to a bunny on a battle field. This wasn't their territory and it was so very obvious. "Sleeping quarters are down there," You pointed to the left where a hatch in the floor led to the rooms underground. "Front of the ship, Captain's quarters, my quarters, are here." With that, you gestured to the front of the boat where a door led to the wheel of the ship, the driver, the navigator, the captain.

The ship wasn't a huge one that was certain, but it would get this job done. Whatever that job was of course. They dropped their boxes and you unhooked the ropes which kept the ship tied to the dock. You weren't brought away from such task until a voice spoke up, "And where exactly would one be able to find the liquor on this ship?" You turned, finding Jesper wandering a few steps towards you, eyes bright and hungry for the drink he seemed in need of. "That is, assuming there is any, of course."

You looked down over at the man, the rope hanging from your grip, "That would be in the captain's quarter." You informed.

"Jesper," Came another voice, almost like a warning. "Aren't you going to be a bit busy?" Inej was pointing to the box the boy had just dropped. There was a glint in her eye, irritated in a sense, matching the warning which had littered her tone.

But Jesper didn't seem all that bothered by the girl's words. In fact, he shrugged, already walking towards the captain's quarters. "We've got time." He concluded. "Have one drink with me, please!"

Inej sighed, dropped her box, joining the boy as they slipped into the captain's quarters. Like that, your focus was drawn back to the ropes, unhooking them all before returning to the main deck where Kaz was already watching you. "Is that okay?" He asked.

You looked to him, brow raised, "What?"

His head nodded to the room across from you, where Jesper and Inej had just entered. "Jesper and Inej." He answered.

"Oh, yeah, fine." A smile graced your lips as to offer more assurance in that. "Might loosen their lips a little, find out what you crows are up to." It was a joke but Kaz wasn't laughing. However, your words had seemed to break that stern expression which seemed stuck to his face.

"Well, I guess I won't be drinking your pirate liquor then." He said; his voice so low it had almost been a whisper, his breath brushing against your skin.

And you returned the favour as you spoke in the same whisper, "You don't know what you're missing out on." Your smile twisted into a smirk. One which clung to playfulness and bathed in mischief. And Kaz seemed utterly entranced by such, his gaze seeming to lock onto your eyes like he was holding onto your hand as he hung over a cliff.

You started walking back, going to join the two crows in the captain's quarters. Your head flipped back around when you came to note Kaz wasn't trailing behind. "You're not gonna stay out here by yourself, are you?" With one brow raised, it seemed to convince him.

The room was centred around the wheel which looked out the front of the ship. Maps were scattered everywhere, on counters which lined the walls and the main map table which was situated behind the steering wheel. The room was lit by one hanging light which was known to swing dependent on the steadiness of the tide. And as Jesper had so effortlessly got his fingers on: the liquor cabinet. Filled with fine wines and ales you had collected over your years of travelling. All of which was now being poured into the cup of a crow.

Jesper fell into the Captain's chair, swinging his legs up onto the map table as if he were at home. A sigh left his lips, "You know, maybe sea travel isn't all that bad." He observed, letting his eyes flutter close.

"That's because we haven't started moving yet." You explained, shoving his legs from the table with a gentle push while making your way behind the wheel. "Hope none of you get sea sick." And with that, you manoeuvred the boat as well as possible for a captain with no crew.

Inej took a seat across from Jesper. And, unlike he, she didn't swing her legs on top of the map table like it were a footrest. "Yeah, I don't really think drinking is gonna help with the sea sickness." She critiqued.

Jesper shrugged, the cup hovering right by his lips. "The consequences of my own actions." Like that, like it was such a spilt second matter, he took a long hard swig of the liquor. It seemed everyone but Jesper could see how this was going to end.

An hour or so had passed and you swore the boy was turning green. But he pushed through his facade, trying to keep it up until he physically couldn't. His body was swaying against the tide and he hadn't dared take any more drink from the cup. When he went to stand, it was abrupt and because of such, he had so easily almost fallen flat on his face "Woah!" He sung as Inej's hands trapped onto his shoulder in an attempt to keep him steady.

"I told you." The girl seethed, forced to keep him upright. Then she turned to you, "Where's the sleeping quarters?"

You nodded from behind the wheel, "Across the main deck, down on the bottom." And like that, the two were whisked away, leaving Kaz and yourself to your devices.

It was suddenly deathly silent. The sound of Jesper uneasy groans that once echoed the room were now absent. Instead, it was the silent tension that resided between the two of you. You had caught a glance of the man, watching as he ached over the papers in front of him. You couldn't work out if the boy was stressed or if this was his natural position. To combat the silence, you gambled your safety in speaking up, "You okay?" Surely that could do no harm.

Oh, how wrong you had been.

A huff fell from his lips as he shot the paper from his hands, "Because of Jesper's choice to get black-out drunk, it's left me to do what he was meant to." He explained, irritation dripping from his tongue.

You watched him through narrowed eyes. Just like the first time; trying to figure him out. And when you gambled your safety more, you dared to draw closer to him. "I could always help." You offered as his eyes finally fell to your figure. "Unless, of course, you don't trust me for anything other than getting you there and back."

A long moment passed. One in which you could tell Kaz was weighing up his options, working out whether this was a safe option. When the moment passed, he shoved a small wooden box across to you. "We need at least five grenades."

You tried your best to not look shocked, but you had failed in doing such. "Grenades?" You reiterated, peeking inside the box which was waiting in front of you.

Kaz looked to you, a glint in his eyes that you couldn't quite work out. "Who did you think you were working with?" Suppose he made a good point.

You glanced back at the box. Then you took one glimpse of Kaz, still bent over those papers and this planning which needed perfecting by the time they made it to the docks. With that, your hand reached in, taking the parts of the weapon which need constructing. Without a word, you did it, moulding the parts together to create some deathly weapon you had no idea were being used for. After the second one was finished, your curiosity was killing you. You checked Kaz first, checking it was safe to push this very distinct line he had drawn. But you decided to push to it. "What are the grenades for?"

He stopped. His whole body seemed to pause before he gazed over at you. "What are they usually used for?" There was still a snap in his tone but you assumed it was rare it ever left the tip of his tongue. But you took that as your answer and dipped your head back to the task at hand. Kaz had watched you. And when you came back with no quipped reply, he knew he should probably say something. And as a long moment passed and you started to accept that Kaz Brekker's friendship was not something you were about to gain, he broke the silence. "They're gonna be a distraction." He informed.

You looked up, finding his eyes already trailing you. With one brow quirked, you said, "So you're not killing people then?" You queried.

Kaz's head shook, "No. Though, I can't promise that Inej won't stab someone in the wrong place."

You dropped the equipment back in the box, letting your palms grip against the table as you stared over at the man. "And who are you distracting?" By the change in his expression, it looked as if he were hesitant. "Look, I've come this far, you may as well tell me. Even if I wanted to betray your stupid plan, three against one? I'm not that stupid."

Those words seemed to prompt something. Kaz stood from his chair, wandering around the table until he came only inches from you. "Someone stole from me." He finally informed.

"And you're going after them?" You questioned. "What'd they steal? A few knives? Some ale?"

"Doesn't matter what they stole." He told you. "You have to make an example of people."

Your head tilted, finding that this was the closest to the man you had ever been. And for some reason, that fact had erupted a swirling feeling in the pit of your stomach. Ever so close that if something were to-

The tide shifted the ship. Just a wave. But a wave which was hard enough to shift your feet as you tumbled forward. In a moment, Kaz had a hand around you and you had a hand steady on his chest. The wave passed and you steadied yourself. But neither of you dropped your touch. Instead, your eyes slowly dragged to meet his gaze which was already situated on you. And like something was washing over you, a gut instinct, you leaned in. You leaned right into his lips as they met. Such a sweet, soft kiss which had seemed to encompass the tension which had only been building since you first laid eyes on Kaz Brekker.

[its-ya-boi-kaz]

"Is my tie straight?"

[Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa | 1633 words | cross posted on ao3]

Meeting your girl's parents can be a scary ordeal, especially when you're the Bastard of the Barrel.

A follow up of chapter 44 of Crooked Kingdom

"That's the laugh," Kaz murmured. But Inej was already moving, her feet barely touching the ground as she crossed the expanse of the quay to where her parents were, running towards her at the same speed as she was. 

Kaz didn't want to interrupt them, so he simply walked, leaning lightly on his cane and eyes trained on Inej. She was face to face with them now. For a moment, she seemed frozen, not sure of what to do. Her mother had tears streaming down her face. She couldn't wait for another moment, pulling Inej into a hopelessly tight embrace. Kaz was halfway up to them by the time they broke apart. 

She didn't say anything. Her lips parted and she croaked something like, "Papa." Her father put a hand on her shoulder. He was looking down at Inej with a smile that made Kaz feel like an intruder, he didn't deserve to witness something so innocent. 

Only then did Inej turn back. Kaz suddenly felt like a spectacle. Should he have worn something else? Surely it was his clothing choices that made their eyes lock on him so intently. Kaz saw that Inej's mother's eyes were the same as Inej. Mr Ghafa had a sense of weight in his gaze that could only be bought with age. But his wife, well, the woman was possibly what the girls on West Stave had in mind when they whined about wanting to look young forever. She seemed ageless. Her eyes were the same pools of darkness as the girl who stood before him. Like she too had taken every dark thing around her and held them in her gaze until she was surrounded by an aura of light, as Inej had been doing for years. 

"Ma, Papa, this is Kaz." Her father extended his hand with the grace of a saviour, but Kaz did not need salvation, not if it came with a handshake. He was acutely aware of the sea breeze on his naked palms. The same sea had once wrinkled his fingers as they clung to Jordie, more afraid of drowning than whatever was in front of his eyes. 

"He helped me survive this city." Inej's voice was an anchor, keeping him grounded to reality. 

Her eyes were on him. He had held her own hand only moments before. Could he do the same for the man in front of him? If it gave her the same comfort? Could he cross the Barge once again, if he knew she would be standing on the shore? 

I would come for you. His bare hand left the metal crow's head of his cane and made contact with the skin of someone else. The waters rose. 

"Ma, could you make skillet bread for me tonight?" Inej spoke, but her eyes were on him. He shook her father's hand firmly; it was a chore to keep his hand from shaking as he returned it to the head of the cane. When he looked up, her smile was a halo of light around her. He fought not to squint against the sheer luminescence of her joy. 

"Of course I will, jaan, " her mother cooed, using the Suli word for 'lifeline'. Inej had mentioned it to him once, in one of her proverbs. "But first you must tell us, what happened ?"

He could feel the weight of the question, the burden of it hanging over Inej. He could only guess what Suli proverbs must be going on in her head to help her cope with the fear and keep her chin held high. 

"We will tell you everything you wish to know, Mrs Ghafa," Kaz spoke in her stead. How many times had she covered for him? He could repay her a thing or two before she started her journey to the sea. "But first shall we go somewhere more comfortable? I must confess, staying standing for long isn't very good for my leg."

• • •

"Veera told me of the slaver ship that was seen leaving the dock. When we didn't find you, we feared the worst," Inej's father said. 

They had come to Wylan's house and were seated on the dining table on which loaves of the skillet bread that Inej's mother had made cooled. Inej and Kaz on one side, her parents on the other. 

"The worst happened, Papa. And then it happened some more."

Kaz listened as Inej explained her days at the Menagerie. Then her meeting with Kaz. Her time with the dregs. She looked at him a few times, to see if he would like to add to the conversation. He would, but he would not speak. 

There came a time every once in a while when he had to look at all the numbers himself. Despite how accurate the reports of Anika and Pim were, he always found something that had slipped from their brain, that would have been unknown to him if he hadn't looked at the scores himself. You could trust somebody with your numbers, but there were some tallies you had to count on your own. This was her story to tell. He had no right to say anything, not when he knew there were wounds in her only she could recall. 

She had steered clear of any mention of the Ice Court heist. But she could only talk so much about the past. "I have a ship. I managed to do something huge, with the help of the right people. I have the resources too. I'm going to hunt slavers. I won't let anyone suffer what I've endured. But before I do that, I need your forgiveness. Papa, Mama, I need to know where… I need to know what I mean to you, before I go out into the world alone and fulfil my purpose in this world."

There were tears in her mother's eyes that were very different from the way she'd cried at the quay. Her eyes were still, determined, yet searching for something to say. She reminded Kaz of the night on Black Veil when Inej had turned back － He was going to break my legs , Kaz, she had said, eyes searching for answers－ and he breathed out a sigh, knowing there was nothing furious in her mother's gaze. If they were angry at Inej, Kaz doubted any of the Ghafas would like what he planned to do in that scenario. Including Inej. Especially Inej.

"You are still our daughter, Inej. You needn't ask for our forgiveness. You did what you had to do." Her father's voice was steady despite the tears. Her mother silently wiped her own. She suddenly got up and crossed the table to Inej, and coddled her face in her hands. She leaned down to press her lips on her daughter's forehead. 

"You did what the Saints asked of you, my child. If that is what you think your purpose is, then let me not be what stops you. You can…"

Their voices faded into the background as Kaz stepped into the backyard. He lowered himself onto the steps, feeling his leg throb with a twinge of pain. He did not want to intrude in what was supposed to be a memory none of them would forget. He wanted them to only remember each other as they too probably wanted to. 

He sensed her presence behind him. He glanced back and opened his mouth to tell her how she should go back to her family and that Kaz could talk to her later, but the words died on his lips. It wasn't Inej behind him, but her father. He turned his gaze back to the canal. The old man sat beside him, posture erect even when sitting down. 

"I'm aware that you are the reason Inej is safe today," he started. He must have left the mother and daughter to do some more weeping together. 

"There's no safe in Ketterdam, Mr Ghafa. I didn't give her safety, it doesn't exist in this city. She fended for herself."

"I suspect you have a hand behind that too."

Kaz stayed silent, feeling the temperature of his face rise as if he was a child that had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. But Mr Ghafa wasn't blaming, he was simply acknowledging facts. 

"I don't have much to say to you, just know that I thank you deeply for what you have done for her." 

He didn't know what to say to that. It was awfully quiet in these parts of the city. He could hear the water of the large canal lapping up against the shore. 

After a while, Inej's father stood up and dusted off his trousers. Only then did he sense Inej, the real Inej's presence behind him. So he'd known his daughter had come and left them alone. Kaz supposed he should be honoured, but he could only feel a pang of jealousy that he hadn't been able to sense Inej before her father. 

She sat beside him now, slipping into a comfortable silence. Neither of them wanted to speak. Every few moments, she would wipe her eyes. 

What had her parents said about him after he'd gone? What had she said about him? What would they say if they came here right now? 

Quietly, she reached for his now gloved hand. Kaz took a deep breath. There was her hand on his. A slight weight on his shoulder where she had leaned her head against it. Sunlight glistened on the murky waters of the canal. His mind was reeling. A jumble of thoughts, but none of them profound enough to be worth being spoken.

"They like you. Both of them."

He could have never known such simple words would be what eased the thumping in his chest. 

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

The Phoenix and the Crow

part forty

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutral/fluff

el's thoughts: it's been sooooo long since i've written and i'm afraid that i'm a little rusty haha, but here you go!!

masterlist

As the schooner sped south, it was as if the whole crew was sitting vigil. Everyone spoke in hushed tones, treading quietly over the decks, hyper-aware of Y/N lying in bed in Kaz’s room.

The Ferolind felt like a ghost ship. Kaz was sequestered with Y/N, and he’d asked for Wylan’s help caring for her. Even if Wylan didn’t love chemistry, he knew more about tinctures and compounds than anyone. So the chemist and Nina spent every waking minute trying to nurse their resident Inferni back to health.

Anyone who entered the room Y/N was staying in could instantly feel how stressed Kaz was. They would have to be blind not to have noticed the toll her illness took on him. The deep dark circles that rested under his eyes seemed worse than they’d ever been before. His sleeping habits were nonexistent before, yet he never let it show. But now he looked weak. Physically ill. Within the few days he’s been waiting for Y/N to wake up he appeared to have aged a few years. It was nothing a proper night’s sleep, shower, and meal couldn’t fix, but it disturbed the other Crows to see him in such a state.

Nina and Inej finally got him to bathe himself, the Heartrender claiming that Y/N would never wake up if he stayed by her side smelling like a Barrel rat. So when Kaz stepped out of the pathetic excuse for a washroom, he nearly collapsed to his knees at the sight of Y/N sitting up in bed.

He was frozen in shock, he was barely able to choke out a few words. “You’re awake.”

Y/N jumped slightly and groaned at the jolt it gave her body.

“Sorry,” Kaz walked to her bedside while rubbing the thin fraying towel in his hand through his hair.

“It’s fine,” she coughed in reply. Her hand blindly feeling for a cup on the table next to her. Kaz reached for the pitcher and poured the cold water into the glass before handing it to her. Y/N smiled at him gratefully and chugged the water down before placing the cup back. “Thank you.”

“How…” Kaz cleared his throat before murmuring quickly. “How’re you feeling?”

Y/N pushed herself higher up on her pillows, “More alive than I could’ve claimed earlier.”

She’s alive.

That’s all that mattered to Kaz in that very moment. The reward that waited for him completely left his mind for just a spilt second as he mentally relaxed over the comforting fact that she was still with him.

She’s alive.

~

Y/N had always known there was a good chance they wouldn’t make this journey home at all, that they’d end up in cells in the Ice Court or skewered on pikes. But she’d figured that if they managed the impossible task of rescuing Yul-Bayur and getting back to the Ferolind, the trip back to Ketterdam would be a party. They’d drink whatever Spect might have squirreled away on the ship, eat the last of Nina’s toffees, recount their close calls and every small victory. But she never could have foreseen the way they’d been cornered in the harbor, and she certainly couldn’t have imagined the type of sacrifice she’d made in order to get them out of it. But as she looked around the deck she knew that she would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

These people had grown to be her family much against her will. If some heaven-sent Saint came to her only two years ago and told her that she would become the closest friends with a convict, a sharpshooter, a runaway, a spy, one of her ex-soldiers, and a thief… She would have laughed in their face. But here she sat, wrapped in a warm blanket brought to her by the Suli spy, drinking a cup of tea made by the runway mercher’s kid. Her skin had grown pale and carried a constant cold sweat despite the cool ocean breeze flowing through her hair and over her skin. But she was well enough to finally leave the room and walk about the main deck for a short while.

When Kerch finally appeared on the horizon, Y/N felt a strange mixture of relief and trepidation. She knew that their lives were about to change, and she could only hope for the better while she prayed to any Saint above that Nikolai received her letter in time.

They dropped anchor, and when nightfall came, Jesper had asked Kaz if he could join him and Rotty in the longboat they were rowing to Fifth Harbor. Y/N knew they didn’t need him, but she could tell he was desperate for a distraction.

A few hours later she could see them down a canal, making their way back to the ship.

“Look at that,” Kaz said, holding the paper out for Y/N to read. Congratulations. Your country thanks you.

The words left a funny feeling to settle in her stomach as Jesper laughed. “As long as my country pays cash. Does the council know the scientist is dead?”

“I put it all in my note to Van Eck,” Kaz said. “I told him that Bol Yul-Bayur was dead but that his son is alive and was working on jurda parem for the Ferjdans.”

“Did he haggle?”

“Not in the note. He expressed his ‘deep concern,’ but didn’t mention anything about price. We did our job. We’ll see if he tries to bargain us down when we get to Vellgeluk.”

Jesper glanced at the Inferni quickly before turning his attention back to Kaz. “Will Wylan come with us to meet with Van Eck?”

“No,” Kaz said, fingers drumming on the crow’s head of his cane. “Matthias will be with us, and someone needs to stay behind with Y/N. Besides if we need to use Wylan to twist his father’s arm, it’s better that we don’t show our hand too early.”

Y/N glared at Kaz’s profile as he spoke. Jesper looked between the two and quickly made a lame excuse to leave.

“What do you mean I stay behind?”

“You’re in no condition to come with us, you’re still weak.”

Y/N scoffed but a coughing fit instantly followed. “I’m not weak, besides you’ll need the Ravkan representative present during the trade.”

Kaz stared at her for a moment, flicker of emotion flared behind his eyes before he turned away. Y/N reached her index finger to lock it with his.

“I know your concern, but my presence is needed and you can’t deny that. I promise I’ll be careful.”

“You can’t make promises you can’t keep,” Kaz said and looked back at her. “Since when are you known to be careful?”

The inferni chuckled and leaned closer to his side, barely leaning her head against his shoulder. “Thank you for trusting me.”

Kaz gave no reply as he stood stiffly beside her with no intention of leaving.

~*~

@katherinereid @littlecat21 @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @brekkershadowsinger @brekkers-desigirl @clunaes @wonderland2425 @bookloverfilmoholic @karensirkobabes @bookworm-center @el-de-phi @so-get-this-sammy @crispy-croke @cometsghost @auttumnsayshi

[lullabyofmyworld]

Unpopular Opinion: I really like the ending of Crooked Kingdom where Inej leaves and Kaz stays. It happens to me that I read many takes where he must leave everything he built to be with Inej (who found her purpose) and I don't like them. And I think with a mind like Kaz's, with his influence, with his reputation, and his determination, he can totally take the whole rotten part of Ketterdam down over the years. And, perhaps most importantly, he might realize that this is what HE wants to do. I think what Inej says is true: Ketterdam needs someone like Kaz. What a lot of the fandom does is jump on Inej's girlbossification bandwagon and leave Kaz on a boat doing laundry while she does whatever she wants (especially after s&b S2). I think both can do great things from their respective places. Together.

EDIT: Ok, this is getting out of hand. You guys realize my point is that many in fics and posts have Kaz leave Ketterdam to follow Inej on HER mission, instead of going his own way, or having her do whatever she wants, say whatever she she wants (and in the way she wants, even if it hurts) and Kaz's only role is an irrelevant simp, right? Many times I think that some of you don't even like the ship, you just need to see Inej with a crown on her head with Kaz kneeling at her feet asking for a handout of affection. That's what I mean when my opinion is unpopular. Many reduce Inej to a "flawless, completely emotionally competent girl who's always right" and Kaz just... follows her and has nothing of his own. It contradicts the ending of CK. Don't you see the potential for Kaz here? And let's not even start with the post s&b comments. "Yes girlboss, go find another man who really deserves you" etc etc. Like?? Have we read the same books?

[savethegrishaverse]

We’re back with our next round of prompts Third Army! This week (January 14th to January 20th) we want to talk all about “resilience”. The theme of always coming back, the theme of making things our own.

We will never give up, we will never die out. And to aid that we are going to give out prompts and boost content about our Grishaverse, and we need your help! Come join us, send us your fanfics, post your art, and make sure to use hashtag #Third Army so we can see each post!

Writing prompt: "Genya felt like a statue as she sat at the head of the council room's table. She felt marble and cold and distant, but David's hand was across the table and out of her reach. She was alone here as she prepared to give her speech, but she had to do her best. She had to make the Triumvirate proud and win over the councilmen of Ravka, lest they continue to claim Nikolai a monster."

Writing prompt: Why not make an “incorrect quotes” post for Shadow And Bone! It can be a modern social media AU or a text post from the canon era, whatever you prefer!

Writing prompt: It’s a staple in the fanfiction community, but for good reason. Take your favorite ship and throw them in a “flower shop right next to tattoo parlor business rivals” AU! 

Art prompt: We've seen Dan Zollinger's art of the Saints, now draw your favorite Saint in your own style.

Art Prompt: Kaz says he will tear Pekka down “Brick by Brick” - let’s see that again, but with literal building bricks! Reenact a scene from Shadow and Bone/Six of Crows in lego form!

Photoshop challenge: Jesper says that maybe he likes Wylan’s stupid face - let’s photoshop that “stupid” face on all sorts of different things! The more bizarre the better!

Photoshop challenge: Let’s practice tailoring with Genya! Give the Shadow and Bone characters makeovers - maybe the Darkling is going through an emo/punk phase (it’s not a phase Baghra) or how about giving Alina a nice cottage-core makeover. Maybe even give Inej a kpop idol dream aesthetic!

Mixed Media challenge: Some of the iconic Crooked Kingdom book parts made it on screen, but not all of them! Why not draft up a gifsets/art/edit to show a Crooked Kingdom scene we haven't had on screen yet?

Video edit prompt: Compile together your favorite highlights and quotes for a "the Shadow and Bone cast once said…" video edit!

Question/Answer prompts: In the Lives of Saints, we learn to apologize and forgive - among other things. We also learn to stand our ground. Never apologize for campaigning for what you love, but maybe we should at the very least send an apology message to the poor Netflix social media managers who got caught in the crossfire of campaigning?

Every week I want to ask people to share happy/hopeful stories about Grishaverse and the campaign. Let’s talk about the friends we’ve made, the kindness in the fandom, and any moments of hope we can share to keep our spirits strong!

[tough-n-dumb]

several sentence sunday

thank you for the tag, @dreamtigress!

this section comes pen, paper, and sea air which is the newest ficlet in my anthology "weave a lovers' tapestry"

There’s something to be said, Kaz has to admit, about Ketterdam in the early hours of the morning. And something good for once. It’s a wretched city, full of wretched people—himself included—but basked in the dawn light, the Barrel’s crooked rows of slouching buildings look almost charming; a child's set of dollhouses placed askew. The gray of the streets is interrupted by bright green weeds that peek from between the cobblestones, growing despite all odds. Even the dirty canal water seems to sparkle.  Or maybe this new revelation of beauty is simply because of the girl sitting beside him on the Slat’s slopping roof. Because of the way her shoulder bumps gently against his as she laughs. Because she is leaving today on the ship he bought her, and he can’t help but see her in everything she is leaving behind. A few bells later at the docks, Inej gives his hand—his bare hand—a quick squeeze and glances up at him, a smile on her face. Before he knows what she’s doing, she springs onto her tiptoes and grazes her lips against his cheek. When she pulls away, he’s sure his face is that of a boy’s again and he can feel a light blush spreading across the cheek she just kissed (she just kissed him).  She releases his hand and steps away before he can do something stupid like throw his arms around her and crush his lips to hers, never letting her go again. “I’ll write to you,” she says. He says he’ll do the same. * It’s difficult at first—putting his thoughts to paper. Sending her the information he collects on slavers and their routes is easy enough, yes, but he knows she wants more than perfunctory updates in the letters he sends, that she wants him without his armor—including bringing down the walls of his mind. So he tries. He writes things like, it’s harder to sleep knowing you’re not in the room beneath mine and I had dinner with Jesper and Wylan. Did you know Jesper can cook? I was surprised as well and even I miss you. I miss you in a way I’ve only ever missed my brother.  Kaz writes to her like his heart is a broken, bloody animal.  She doesn’t write back. 

if you enjoyed this, read the rest on AO3!

tagging (if you have anything you want to share but no pressure!) @cameliawrites @oneofthewednesdays @insignificant457

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Can you tell us what the answers to the six of crows color experiment is?

Yep! ☺️

I realised too late that I really should’ve organised it as a poll somehow, because I’ve had loads of responses (thank you all very much) and whilst a lot of them agreed with me there were a few I wasn’t expecting. My associations in the order than I wrote them in the original post:

Red - Nina

Green - Jesper

Black - Kaz

Blue - Matthias

Purple - Inej

Orange - Wylan

So generally speaking a lot of people either agreed with exactly what I’d said or swapped Wylan and Jesper, which makes a lot of sense. A few people also moved Jesper and Inej around, which I understand and I wanted to add on that point I always connect Inej to purple with the idea of her reclaiming the colour and its power in the same way that she referred to her knives as her “proper claws” to reclaim the image of the lynx. Purple is the colour that was used against her and the colour that represents Ketterdam (Stadwatch uniforms, colour of Kruge notes, and the Geldrenner Ketterdam suite being the main examples); with a part of what separates Inej’s journey and her ship from Kaz’s style of vengeance is the acknowledgement that the city itself is the monster she’s facing, she’s been forced to come to terms with the idea that what happened to her wasn't the result of one terrible person or group of terrible people, but a dangerous environment and society that was never going to see her as an equal go matter what she did in life (this realisation is particularly linked to the “Rare Spices” billboard, which I wrote a post on a while back so if anyone wants to read that let me know and I’ll tag you) so by reclaiming the colour she is not only reclaiming the power Heleen took from her but the city as a whole. I hope I worded that all okay I worry that my point doesn’t come across properly it feels unclear please let me know and I’ll try to explain it differently. However I also understand the perspective a few people raised in their responses of wanting to separate her from that colour because she should always be seen as more than who she was forced to be, it’s just my personal interpretation that part of her pathway to healing is reclaiming the symbols used against her as a symbol of power to use against the system and people that put her in her position.

With Jesper and Wylan, I can definitely see it going both ways and I guess it also depends on what shades of the colours you’re imagining for each of them. For me, Wylan is orange because it can be a quiet, beautiful sunrise but it can also be fire and rage, it can be dark and deeply lonely but it can also be bright and blazing, it can be the first light of home in the dark but it can also be the flames of righteousness. “You were angry. I needed you righteous” “well, you’ve got me”. I realise all/most colours have a natural dual nature but I think orange does particularly and I think that it compliments him wonderfully. I connect Jesper to green for brightness, fun, the “lime green” clothes and vibrant plaid, but also for the farm and the card tables and the painful difference between them - the way his life split in two like a log cut down the middle (I don’t have my book with me so not quoting, but he says something along those lines in Crooked Kingdom when talking about how he ended up moving from the university to the Barrel).

I think the one’s who were always connected the same way were Nina to red and Kaz to black, and I wanted to add a couple of reasons I didn’t see anyone mention yet and that would be Nina being the “little red bird” and Kaz wearing black, mercher suits to mock them and to look, by Ketterdam’s colour-represented social hierarchy that I could talk about forever, like he fits in with them in the upper echelon of society.

And most people also maintained Matthias with blue, connections to water, ice, storms, but I think also it’s worth emphasising his blue eyes that Nina finds so beautiful

I will go through later and tag everyone who has responded so far in this post so everyone can see the results if they want to, thanks to everyone who responded ❤️