#with double agent Kousuke and his ultimate intention to make up for what his family has done

[trashlie]

awwww ashlie you're so sweet 😭💗 i missed talking to u too :3 thank you for always indulging me with your long and in-depth replies! ~

yeah you're right about the ceo shinae thing. the idea briefly jumped into my mind, and i thought it would be interesting in context of yui being denied the position because she's a woman, to see a woman ultimately get it. but yeah on top of it being unrealistic plot-wise, girlboss megacorp ceo is a questionable conclusion for her character. let's scratch that ~

either way the ceo-question will remain relevant for the story because i doubt hirahara corp will fall… and i think ideally it should be someone with the right motivations. to defy yui/take the company from her/to get revenge/out of spite wouldn't be good enough reason because… then what? tbh what i can see happen is that someone reforms the company or at least makes sure these cycles of power abuse don't repeat. it wouldn't solve everything obviously since it's a systematic issue, the problem is ✨capitalism✨ etc etc but it'd be at least something. and between kousuke and nol, i think kou would suit this task more (given he manages to break free from yui), maybe even as a way to redeem himself and "repair" his family reputation. at least this would give him more agency and a better motivation to lead the company than rand's love. it would also tie in with what you said about following the path yui intended, but to turn around and defy her. nol really is a big question mark when it comes to the future plot. yu jing's article will likely spark change in him, but in what way exactly is still unclear. gosh all this is making me so excited for season two and where everyone will be in a couple of years i'm vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass thinking about it ahhhh!!!!

no no i hear ya! and i refuse to give up hope on the brothers ok i refuse to! ;A; yes the fight was real bad but i don't think all is lost. tbh i think nol could've cut off kousuke and stopped caring about him long ago and the fact that he didn't - despite everything he's endured from him for years - gives me hope that nol would be willing to give kou another chance. and gosh if they bond over "my life is hell because of this woman" or having a common enemy, or if shin has to force them into the "get along shirt", then so be it. 🫠 btw kousuke has tried to ask about nol 4 (four) times (yes i counted) so far since the fight and i know the crumbs are microscopic but i'm crouching over them like a dragon over its treasure ;A; do you think they'll meet during the three days we have left… would kou visit nol in the hospital even if just for a minute? if he comes with the right intentions (actually worrying about his well-being, NOT rand) i think it'd be a good first step. but maybe that's too much to ask… 🥲

agree with everything u said on shipping, romance etc <3 i'm not that big on shipping tbh so i always find it interesting what other people - especially people as sensible as you - have to say about it 🥰

"Acting like it's a cardinal sin for Nol to have inadvertently developed feelings is so afljkakfjjkaf?" THIS THO. honestly, people exaggerate the "wingman" thing so much… it's not like he signed a contract or something?! :/ yeah it would absolutely suck to be dieter, but what are shinae and nol supposed to do now? deny their feelings for each other because oh no poor dieter? how would that be good for anyone :<

"She's never really seemed to like things coming to her easy has she" this is actually so interesting. right, her life is already so tough, no one could blame her for choosing the "easier" path or for being like "sorry i can't do this" re: nol. but instead, she's actively throwing herself into this turbulent sea. it's admirable how committed to the role reversal she is (and obviously it's what driving their dynamic forward at the moment).

and while i enjoy how they intuitively get each other on a deeper emotional level, i LOVE that it's not all there is to them. it's true that it's an important additional layer that other pairings don't have, but even without it, they have that easy chemistry, the friendly banter, compatible personalities, similar values... the gradual friendship buildup was not based on their trauma at all (shin was completely clueless). it helps make it less, well, trauma bond-y lol. and it gives us a little "taster" of what this ship could be like too once they're both in a better place ~ it just bothers me when people are like "all nol does is hurting her how is this romantic" and yes he is hurting her and it's an issue, and no one says this particular detail is romantic! but to claim that that's all he does or that it's always going to be like this is just... silly :< maybe it's because of the way nol has been lately (really going through it) - and by lately i mean like the last 80 chapters or so lmao - that some people forget all the positive things he's done - and is still capable of doing - for shinae. like he was the one who made her open up to people again, sparked this character growth in her which improved her other relationships (like with her father, rika, maya, minhyuk), was her emotional support when she was at her lowest (at the formal), had her back at the office, he metaphorically and literally saved her from drowning! shinae even describes him as the sunshine in her rainy life. speaking of which, that entire segment was actually so funny fgshdjk shinae was like "today is about minhyuk! 😊" and meanwhile nol lives in her head rent-free all day 😭 minhyuk: "so maya and m-" shin: "have i ever told u what yeonggi was like? he appeared and suddenly everything was much more vibrant" minhyuk: "🤨?" like girl at this point just write him a love letter 😭

thinking about them makes me hope we switch back to shinae and nol soon... let's manifest it :> the kousuke/hansuke/yujing/yui side of things is also very fun, but leaving us at the shinae/nana cliffhanger was just illegal! ;A; ah now i'm just rambling. you really don't have to respond to all of this! ;; @ ashlie's followers i'm sorry for clogging y'alls dashes again! byeee have a good day/night mwah <3

- lil anon 😼

No apologies never apologize!!!! I always assume my followers really like our conversations anyway, because they tend to get a little handful of likes depending on the topic and the tangents we end up going on lmao but AAHHHH yessss look at us, two back to back messages and replies in two days?! Love this for us!!!!! One of the funnest things about replying to you is I feel like we really play off of each other's energy and you come to me brimming with all sorts of fun thoughts and I'm like OH MY GOSH LEMME RUN WITH THIIISSSSS!!!!!

This response touches on some more spoilery things from the last FP episodes so if you don't FP, there will be spoilers!

From a narrative point, I DO love the concept of CEO Shinae in how she is the antithesis of Yui! But a belief I've been hanging on to lately is that where Yui is shadow and darkness, dragging people down into her little pits of nightmare, blinding them to anything but their own struggles and strife, Shinae is the light that illuminates and guides the way. So even if becoming CEO is really not in the cards for her, I think we still get a similar narrative effect in her being able to assist someone else, in being able to shed light on what Yui cloaks in darkness. The conflict at the core of the story is so complex and layered, but I think Shinae as an illuminator strongly benefits team black.

Fortunately we see that Kousuke is starting to peek out from under his blindfold right now, but I'm really worried for how he's going to cope with the fall out - if he comes to the realization that it's true, Nol was never the violent one the way he's been made to believe (and to deeply internalize that belief!) then how will that affect him? All the guilt it will leave him with for how he treated Nol, for the way not only has he viewed him but what he's told others of Nol? That, paired with what he's already realized, that he hurt an innocent kid for no reason, he tore him down and made his life hell and refused to let him ever get ahead, ever have a moment of peace, has GOT to be heavy. And it doesn't even touch on what it means for him that he can't even trust his own mother, that everything she's ever said to him or made him belief, every way she's ever shaped his worldview may in fact be wrong.

Would Shinae be able to help future Kousuke to cope and handle that? Not like, emotional labor help but her unique way of bringing light to a situation that helps them see something else. I mean obviously Kousuke is gonna lmao need some therapy or SOMETHING but I wonder if Shinae would be able to help illuminate for Kousuke that despite everything he's done, he CAN change, he can take agency of his own life, and he can work to bring good where he and his mother have brought bad.

I think, yeah, that's a really good concept about Kousuke being CEO. I know ultimately we'd all like to see Kousuke do what he wants to, be what he wants, find something that brings him joy and passion. It's clear he's good at family business, even if he lacks the personability that Rand and Nol possess. But it always feels like he's trying to tell himself that this is what he wants because deep down he knows it's not, because deep down it doesn't bring him joy. That said, it could be that this is the case because despite all his successes, he wasn't earning the pay off he expected. No matter how smart or good or successful he was, Rand didn't give him the attention - the affection - he sought. So if he took ownership of the company with the explicit reason to keep it out of the hands of Yui, to try to make changes to offset what the the Hirahara family had done, could that give him the passion he needs?

On the one hand, it almost sounds suffocating and smothering. I love the thought of double-agent Kousuke, secretly working with team black to realign the power of the company right under Yui's nose, but also I worry what dealing with her will be like for him when he really starts to grapple with the way she's treated, whenever he finds out she's drugging him, whenever it finally clicks to him that she's never treated him with care. To have to work with her and pretend he's on her side, to pretend he doesn't know all of the things he knows. It sounds so awful and unbearable. But if he truly wants to try to fix things in whatever way he's able to, perhaps it would be worth it.

Cos you're right, I don't think it would necessarily fall, either. Depending on what comes out of Yujing's expose, it could harm their name, but it wouldn't dismantle them in the least. The problem remains that those with money and influence rarely deal with the ramifications of what they do, rarely are punished. They exploit others, take advantage of them, often pointedly mess with peoples' lives and after those people are rendered broken, traumatized, they carry on like nothing is wrong. I think that could be a direction the story would go - that it's difficult to dismantle corrupted power, but if Kousuke could divert the corruption, if he could steer the company in a more ethical direction, gut the corrupt from the ladders of power? I like that idea! I think a lot about where I think this is going to go, because while I'm sure Yujing's expose WILL have some kind of effect, the fact that the story is going to reconvene some years after the effect still means that the story isn't over, the conflict still exists. Yui is SO powerful, and the corruption of the affluent is too prevalent for peace to come easily.

I really like the idea that this could be a solid way for Kousuke to redeem himself and the family name, too. I don't deny that he still has negative traits despite his circumstances. He has believed himself above others, as much as he thinks he's trying to emulate the perfect gentleman Rand believes in Kousuke is still lmao pretty rude and cold. But I think earnestly working to undo what his mother has done, to make up for what she's done would be a really wonderful path for his story. I don't expect Kousuke's personality to change very much, but I think watching him make effort, to try to make up for the terrible things his family has done would be really satisfying. Something Shinae has noted about him is that he's very clearly out of touch with reality lmao, he has very little experience with people outside of his socioeconomic stratosphere, but perhaps his "redemption" arc could include him spending time with the people he was always kept separate from, learning to be a better CEO the way Rand has, but for his own motivation, not for Rand's love. I love that, actually? Who would be better for that role, to remold his lifelong dream and make it for himself, find a way to actually love and care about what he does, for it to be fulfilling for him? aaaaahhhhhh! Also!!!! Back to the point I was getting at lmaooo for all his negative traits, Kousuke is NOT his mother. He may have adopted some of her habits and that will be something he'll have to address and deal with in the future. But we've seen that Kousuke is not the sum of his family. For him to acknowledge how horrible Yui is, the track record of the Kims, the ways people have been hurt and decide to make up for it all, to undo what he can, to actually adhere to moral codes? idk I wanna see that so badly! He's not a lost cause, but he IS lost.

Also I absolutely feel Yujing's expose will be THE spark for Nol. Right now I think he just wants to get away, to be free of Kousuke and Rand and Yui, to go away and find peace. He's still haunted by the guilt he feels about what happened to his mom, still strongly believes that it's because of him, that he caused this, that the bad things happen because of him. But if learns what readers believe, that Yui was behind Nessa's death, that it may not have been a suicide at all? My GOD that changes EVERYTHING for Nol. I don't think it would immediately free him from the guilt he feels, since it's so deeply ingrained in him, but I think it could change enough. For now his goal is to escape, but taking down Yui could be the reason he comes back/remains in the future. Seeing her pay for her crimes could be enough to make him work with the people he wants to escape from. But also I do hope it would help him to process his feelings about his mom, to embrace that he was not the monster he's been made to feel, that the things that happened were so beyond his grasp, and maybe help him to build/foster healthy relationships. To allow himself to be cared about ;A; aaaahhhh feelings!

Also I feel you SO MUCH on that hope!!!! I think Nol kept trying for so long - even up to the night of his hearing - because he so badly wanted Kousuke to be that person, wanted him to forget about father and instead be a team with him. Nol has never had those expectations about Rand that Kousuke did, so it was easier for him to see that, as far as they're concerned, that version of Rand doesn't exist. Instead he sought out the only person who shared commonality with him. I think if Kousuke turns around and shows some of that same persistence with Nol, it would help get through to him. Forgiveness would be difficult and if it never happened, I would fully understand. But I like to hope that a Nol who has grown up a little more and has removed himself a bit could see why Kousuke, being drugged by his mom and having his entire perception of reality warped, would have been so impossible to reach. The shared experience of having their lives made miserable by Yui and wanting to make her pay for what she's done for others and more importantly, wanting to dismantle her ability to further harm others, would be a great starting point. But I just cannot help but hope that from teaming up like that, Nol could find some understanding for him.

A moment I think about a lot LMAO is the episode when Shinae called Rand hot in front of Kousuke and Nol, and while she was in the bathroom changing, Nol was just lmao harping on it and it felt like the closest we've ever seen Kousuke and Nol to being brothers. To getting along. I just!!!! IDK like you I'm hovering over these little crumbs, hoarding them away and just WAITING. I used to think I'd be content with peace, because they desperately need it but.... now I can't help but want a little more. Nol deserves the brother he wanted so badly and Kousuke deserves to know that someone cared about him, even if he shoved him away. There's a lot to work on and I don't think any of it comes easily but, yessss I desperately hope!

(Also fun fact LMAO I, too, have talked about the get along shirt and alfjafjkjkafjf a really sweet fanartist in the ILY Discord server has put it on her list of things to draw!!!!!! PLEASE I so badly want to see Nol and Kousuke in the get along shirt!!!!!!!!)

do you think they'll meet during the three days we have left… would kou visit nol in the hospital even if just for a minute? if he comes with the right intentions (actually worrying about his well-being, NOT rand) i think it'd be a good first step.

A theory I've been seeing a lot of people talk about is that Kousuke might end up at the same hospital as Nol to get checked out. Hansuke is concerned about his hormonal balance and wants to get him a head CT. I'm hoping that Kousuke's suspicious feelings about Yui might lead him to a different doctor - does Hansuke's friend work at Hirahara Memorial? Or might Kousuke inadvertantly wind up at the same hospital as Nol? See Nana or Shinae or even later Dieter and Soushi in the waiting room and realize that it must mean that Nol is here and go on a search? Like, I'm really holding out for something like that, too. Kousuke is concerned - no matter what happened during the night, his concern didn't change. I had been so worried that Rand's presence would undo all of the progress Kousuke made, the realizations he came to, but I think yeah this is a GOOD sign. Even when Yui tries to refute his concern, he remains CONCERNED. (And without quite realizing it yet, he's connected that Nol hates tea and now he is being haunted by it....????)

PLS GIVE US OUR CRUMBS Nol's got a 3 day extension, maybe he could show that concern in a healthy, earnest way for once ;A;

it's admirable how committed to the role reversal she is (and obviously it's what driving their dynamic forward at the moment).

Oh my gosh RIGHT? That's the thing, too, about Nol hurting Shinae at this stage. It's so clear that Shinae is committed, even if she doesn't understand WHY. Even if she hasn't really accepted just what his importance to her is, what he means to her. Even though he's hurt her, she's SO committed. She wants to get through to him - and she wants to see him. The real him, not his mask. She wants to see what he hides and she wants to be privy to who he is.

But YES what really makes episodes 215 through 219 SO special is exactly that - getting to see just who they are together. The banter, the way they play off each other, his dumb jokes and how she pretends to hate it but we can see that she enjoys it, the little looks?! It's that he can feel at peace even in a hospital because she's there, because she can make him laugh, because she can chase away the danger because it's her! It's the way she lit up with joy while they danced, even if that moment hurts SO MUCH, because of how much fun she was having, how much she enjoyed it! It's how she brought in their friends to give him the most special birthday ever, by showing him how much they care about hm. It was such a small thing, calling them, the origami ducks, the paper hats, but it means SO MUCH.

The way they interact is just SO!!! GOOD!!!! One of my favorite moments is after he sneezed on her and she's just like DISGUSTING!!!!!! and that whole conversation about why Lil Buddy is even there lmaooooo idk why but it's SO FUNNY seeing them like that, the dumb faces, calling each other out lmao I've missed it so much, and even though Nol is struggling with accepting peoples' care and being loved, I really look forward to when we get to see them like that again - bantering and the playful bickering and that chemistry of how they play right off each other.

I LOSE IT EVERY TIME LMAO SHINAE BABE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!

but to claim that that's all he does or that it's always going to be like this is just... silly :< maybe it's because of the way nol has been lately (really going through it) - and by lately i mean like the last 80 chapters or so lmao - that some people forget all the positive things he's done - and is still capable of doing - for shinae.

And that's the thing, too, right - like okay first off, when you start liking someone it's not like a whole.... here's a weighted list of good things vs bad things. It's that for her, at this time, what he does clearly has outweighed the ways he's hurt her. It's that what he means is rooted in far more than the right now, the pain. But also, that's the other thing - NO RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT. People hurt each other, all the time. Minhyuk hurt Shinae even when his very intentions were the opposite. Shinae has hurt Dieter without meaning to. It's how you work through it, how you make up for it, how you get over it that matters more. Nol seemed to really regret pushing Shinae this time - he expected her to be angry or upset, but he didn't expect her to actually leave, and he's so concerned about her! Even though his whole thing is that he isn't supposed to care he can't help caring, asking Dieter about her, wringing her headband in his hands. Like, call me a hopeful optimist but I think we WILL get to see Nol and Shinae again before he goes off to prison. There's no way they're ending on this note - firstly because from a narrative point it would defeat the whole point of the previous reunion at the Parks and would leave us right where we started, but also because I think we might get to see Nol make the first step. I think maybe Shinae will come back - even if just to retrieve her headband lmao - and hopefully Nol will use that moment to apologize, to acknowledge he hurt her and maybe, hopefully lmao admit that's not what he wants to do? alfjakjfkjafjfa lmao like

idk yeah I get why on the one hand, even if you don't ship Stalkyoo there are people who want Nol and Alyssa to break up - because she keeps hurting him without repent, and seemingly without caring much if she does, or at least not in a way she acknowledges. I bring this up to say I think that's the difference - Nol feels regret for what he's doing and I'm really hopeful we'll see him take responsibility. And that's why it doesn't bother me to continue to ship it - because if he actually takes action, if he wants to do better (even if he won't at this time admit his feelings) that's what matters.

But also yeah the trauma bond is like.... I like to joke about it because what happened at the formal WAS a whole nightmare, but it's really clear that Shinae had been changing how she thinks of Nol even before he was her place of comfort and security at the formal. She felt bad when she thought she was too harsh on him during her break! How far she'd come from cleanly, bluntly rejecting Dieter because it's better to be firm to caring about when she hurts people, caring if she goes too far. It's not that the trauma of what happened at the formal is WHY she came to care about him otherwise wouldn't she feel closer to Kousuke? Like, yeah obviously the trauma brought Shinae closer to Nol, but it was the other things he did, too - getting her away from Alyssa when it was clear she was uncomfortable, retrieving her jacket for her during her dance with Kousuke, the whole going out of his way to make her more comfortable during the dance.

Reducing their relationship to trauma bonding denies the actual friendship development that's occurred as a result of each other caring - of Shinae picking up on the details no one else notices, the way he got her to open up more about her home life, calling him when she was so concerned that what everyone on tv and online was saying about him would be making him feel bad, comforting her even when he's trying to avoid her, the whole fucking scene at the wac lmao

Like, I'm not saying this to make people ship them, but just to note that trying to act like they are merely the result of a traumatic night and that they wouldn't have developed as friends otherwise is unfair. Acting like their entire relationship is just unhealthy trauma bonding instead of acknowledging the genuine reasons they've grown closer to each other and come to rely on each other is unfair. At least give their relationship the credit it deserves for how it's bloomed in the midst of all the cracks ;A;

Also yeah Shiane just write him a love letter why don't you lafjkfkjfjfakjjaf that whole part is just SO GOOD? lmao Shinae monologuing and Minhyuk's just like dude i know i wanted you to open up more but idk what to do with this way to hijack the night without trying Nol lmao Nol's whole SOLILOQUY TO A CAT WHO HATED HIM lmao it's just SO GOOD lmao they're both so dumb and I love them for it!!!!!

I AM very much looking forward to learning more about Kousuke's blood results and uhhhh YO YUI ARE YOU GONNA MURDER IN A CHURCH OR..... but teasing the whole Nana and Shinae thing alkfjajkfkjf at the back of my mind as my heart rate spikes with these updates I'm like NANA AND SHINAE ARE GONNA MEET!!!!!!! I think that is what will prompt us to go back to Nol and Shinae - I think Nana is gonna shed a little light that will make Shinae feel better about her resolve to get through to Nol - and maybe even a lil hint nudge wink that you're more important than you think aflkjkafkafjafjk A GIRL CAN DREAM OKAY!!!!!!!! But listen I just can't help but feel Nol's extended stay has to result in making peace with Shinae. There is now way we are moving into a time skip with Nol's walls all the way up!

GOSH lmao I just had a look at how long this post has turned out alfjakjfajkfjk BUT I LOVE RAMBLING WITH YOU I always enjoy your messages so no apologies for this wall of text! No tl;dr we just read it all!!!!! lmao