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stayevildarling · 25 days ago

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Cordelia Goode x Reader- Soulmate

A/N: based on the song „Soulmate“ by Natasha Bedingfield 🤍

tw/tags: female reader, angst, hurt/comfort

word count: 4.5k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay, @laavaagirl, @wtfffisgoingonn

As you make your way through the quiet academy, the only sound is rain softly pattering against the large windows, you halt a second in the large hallway, remembering the first time you ever stepped inside this now familiar place. It had been some years since but back then everything was different, you had no home, no idea what was wrong with you other than the occasional outbursts and remembering some words from your childhood about witchpowers in your family. That night you sat on your laptop, aimlessly googling and eventually stumbling upon a news article and Miss Robichaux‘s, and you had no idea your life would change this much.

And it had undeniably changed. You found a home within the white walls of the academy, a place you feel like belonging and being yourself without having to change. By now you didn‘t only understand your powers but also able to conquer them and understanding how to use them to the point you are teaching classes of your own. This place and the people in it made your life worth living, giving you a life rather than what you had called living before. Your eyes dart towards the potraits on the wall, seeing the current supreme and woman who had taken you in. From that first moment she saw you she could see your potential, that you were destined for greater things than simply being a witch and learning your powers before moving on.

She knew you belonged and she undeniably made you feel that way, offering you a teaching position some months in as well as a home. She never truly did treat you like a student, despite the many one on one sessions, some in the middle of the night when your powers surged and some under tears as memories of your past haunted you. Cordelia could feel it whenever she was near you, both the connection and your talent and you never proved her otherwise through your time there. The blonde and you eventually grew closer, late night conversations over tea almost a daily occurrence at this point as neither of you could find sleep most of the times. You learnt about her past, her marriage, her mother and the pain she endured since rising as supreme.

And when the responsibilities of being supreme became too much, you were always sure to take some of the work away for her. Or the times you could tell she is doubting herself again, the council meetings or meetings with other schools where her hands would twitch that familiar way. But your gentle eyes were enough for the supreme, that reassuring smile that held so many words. That she wasn‘t like her mother, that she had made this place special, giving many girls a home and a mother figure as they never experienced those things. That this coven couldn‘t be run better and that she belonged. And each time her smile would fade for a moment seeing those words on your mind before she felt confident again, putting her supreme face on and squeezing your hand afterwards, enough as a thank you as you and the blonde worked without many words exhanged.

You never once thought about leaving this place, happy and confident with your classes and what you had achieved, seeing many of the younger witches confide in you and helping them rise to their best potential, watching some leaving back to their families and others building a life of their own. Cordelia made sure to give you your own bedroom, a large office beside her own, letting you use this place however you please, giving you your own section in the greenhouse to explore your love for potions and mixing those together, even if the smell sometimes killed her when you tried another weird experiment from an old spell book.

„Admiring her again?“ you hear the sound of Madison‘s voice pulling you out of your thoughts before quickly averting your gaze from the supreme‘s portrait and focusing on her. You simply scoff before she smirks, always teasing you two but never having succeded so far in making either of you falter. „You coming?“ she asks almost annoyed before your eyebrows furrow. „Oh come on- valentine‘s day?“ she asks as she lights a cigarette and your eyebrow raises considering Cordelia‘s strict rules about smoking inside. „Right“ you mumble, remembering the girls requested to decorate for Valentine‘s Day together considering it was coming up. You follow behind her, remembering how Cordelia was always so big on these things but the girls having to get her to agree for this one.

As you step into the hallway, you find most girls with boxes of decoration, Cordelia standing at the top of the stairs to supervise, her eyes falling on you swiftly before smiling and focusing her attention back on the chaos around you. The witches waste no time in setting up some heart ribbons and garlands, using their magic to make some heart ballons rise to the ceiling and filling bowls of valentine‘s day candy in the kitchen and placing it in the living room as well as common areas. „Thank you for letting us do this Ms Cordelia“ one of the younger witches chuckles excitedly and the supreme simply smiles watching both her younger and older witches enjoy themselves, a rare moment between the usual chaos.

„It‘s kind of you to let them do this“ you mumble as you make it to the top of the stairs and stand beside her, hands leaning against the railing. „They are having fun so“ she smiles before her eyes dart to you, almost a second too long if you wouldn‘t have been so caught up in the moment. The two of you lose yourself in some small talk and catching up about the academy before one of the younger witches cheers excitedly. „Wow“ you exclaim, seeing the usual white academy filled with shades of red and pink, hearts around you everywhere but still making the academy feel as majestic as ever. „Alright enough girls“ she smiles before standing tall „Back to classes“.

The days following, the academy was filled with a different kind of buzz to usual, little candy wrappers everywhere, rose petals and girls excitedly squealing about cards they recieved from their crushes, either within or outside the academy. Equally, Cordelia had noticed how you seemed a little quiter, drawn back as she often found you on your own in the greenhouse or in your office, noticing the subtle changes in your behavior during your nightly tea sessions. But the blonde wasn‘t one to pry, knowing you both had an equal trust in each other by now and if something bothered you, you would come to her. But you never did and her concern grew with each passing minute, seeing the forced smiles whenever a witch was nearby and how you suddenly seemed to carry a deep sadness, one that wasn‘t there before.

Unbeknowest to you, the supreme had the advantage as she could read your thoughts. As the most powerful witch her powers allowed her to enter minds with ease but she actively had to use the incarnation whether in her mind or with a flick of her wrist but with you it came naturally. From the first day she showed you around the academy and every day following, she could hear every single thought the subtle „wow“ when seeing her for the first time which she brushed off or the other thoughts about her that she had been brushing off for years. All she had to do was be near you for every thought of your own to repeat in her mind, both a blessing and a curse. And she had never told you, not wanting to invade your privacy but equally feeling bad, worried if she told you now it may change things. And on top of it all, she had no clue what it meant, why she had this ability, not realizing the two of you are bound by something even stronger than magic- fate.

Standing in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the girls, you are interrupted when one of the younger witches excitedly finds you and shows you her valentines card. „Look Ms, I finally got one“ she cheers which causes you to chuckle „I‘m so happy for you“ you smile as you inspect the card. „Ms.. do you have a valentine?“ she asks which causes your heart to ache for a moment before shaking your head. She frowns before waddling on, finding the supreme at the end of the room and showing her the card as well. Madison can‘t help but linger, having of course witnessed the entire thing before whispering „Don‘t be sad, we both know Ms Loveable is already in your life“ she teases before glancing at Cordelia at the other end of the room engaging with the younger witch from before.

You shake your head, scoffing at her words, this not having been the first time Madison had winded you up about this. „Can you take over?“ you look at one of the older witches beside you before she nods, setting the knife down and letting them finish dinner. The supreme‘s gaze follows you leaving outside, watching as you retreat to the greenhouse yet again and she can‘t help but follow, having seen Madison appear behind you again and despite not hearing the words exchanged, wondering whether maybe it had been the blonde upsetting you all along. In a swift motion she follows you, halting outside the greenhouse as your thoughts repeat in her mind in that familiar way again.

„Who doesn't long for someone to hold? Who knows how to love you without being told. Somebody tell me why I'm on my own? If there's a soulmate for everyone“

The words send a pang of guilt and heartache through her as she realizes what had been bothering you for this long, how the whole valentine‘s day probably upset you more than she believed. In the entirety of knowing you, love had never really been a subject in your conversations, of course she knew by now you weren‘t taken considering everything but again she had no idea you longed for this so much. It‘s not just the words themselves that haunt her, it‘s the loneliness and heartache lingering in them. The supreme had assumed your quietness lately had to do with something academy related or even Madison- she had no idea the truth ran much deeper than those things.

She stands still as she considers her options, unsure whether to walk away and let you be or be there for you but before she can make that decision, you turn almost as if sensing her presence before she enters the door and stepping forward. „Delia?“ you ask a little hesitantly, usually calling her Cordelia amongst the others but the nickname coming naturally by now after your many late night tea sessions together and midnight conversations. „I..“ she begins but stops when she realizes she doesn‘t really have a reason for following you out here in the first place or at least not one she could admit to you. Instead she settles for something safer „I just wanted to check on you“ she announces.

You turn back towards the wooden table, letting go of your tight grip on the edges before shaking your head slightly „I‘m fine“ you explain, putting on a brave smile as you didn‘t want her to know about this. But she can hear the lie before it even leaves your lips, being able to read you so well at this point. „You have been distant lately, quiet“ she tries softly, hands clasped in front of her as her eyes search for you in the hopes they could reach you. „And I know Valentine‘s Day can be..“ she begins but you cut her off.

„Annoying?“ you chuckle as you turn your body towards her, trying to play it off. „It‘s fine honestly, I just needed some air“ you reassure but Cordelia doesn‘t move, doesn‘t look convinced and for a moment you think she may press further but then she exhales and takes another step closer, reaching out as if wanting to touch you but stopping herself just in time. „If there is anything you need“ she begins but again you finish what is on her mind „I know Delia, always“ you reassure. „I always do“ you promise and there is something there in her expression then, something unreadable before she brushes it off and moves on.

When the blonde leaves the greenhouse, she can‘t help but feel torn, tonight another reminder of something that clearly lingered, obvious to anyone but you two apparently or maybe it was just her. She knows she is holding back, unable to understand why just yet. She knows she shouldn‘t ache at the thought of you looking for love somewhere else, just like she knows she shouldn’t fail at pretending something she already knows and has maybe known for years of being beside you at this coven. She loved you.

For the next few days, Cordelia decides to keep her distance, telling herself she was busy, drowning herself in teaching, academy and headmistress duties and paperwork, wanting to avoid dealing with this as much as she could. But you lingered on her mind, at night unable to sleep but not searching for you in the kitchen or greenhouse like she usually would, pretending to ignore conversations when the girls talked about you and how much they love your classes and only passing you by with polite smiles instead of the usual conversations the two of you would have.

It‘s not that the supreme doesn‘t care about you, it‘s that she cares too much. She has known for a while, the fact that she could hear your thoughts, uncommon even for a supreme to this extend, that your presence made her feel safe, that her skin errupted in goosebumps whenever you would touch her. That her heart would pound whenever your eyes locked with her own, that all she wanted to do with the lonely nights was spending them with you. But then came the but‘s, considering you were technically her student to begin with, the age difference, her failed marriage and the fact that she had never allowed herself to love a women like this or be loved by a women even though she had known for some time now.

Everything confused her , questioning every moment with you leading up to this. And Cordelia can only do what she knows best, lock it all away and pretend it‘s not there in order to avoid dealing with the heartache and confusion of her own feelings. But she could see the sadness in your eyes, seeing how you had been tensing for days when she was nearby, hearing footsteps outside her office in the night, knowing it was you complementing whether to check on her or to leave her be. She knew.

And then everything was about to fall apart. It was late one evening, the academy quiet as most of the students had gone to bed and Cordelia begins her rounds, ensuring everything is order. She just turned the lights off downstairs before she sees your reflection in the greenhouse and even though she knows she shouldn‘t, her legs automatically lead her to you before she hears it. A quiet and broken sound coming from nearby and her heart immediately tightens as she follows it and when she steps inside, finding you sitting on one of the benches, head bowed, shoulders trembling.

The imagge of you crying causes her heart to ache as she realizes it had been her. She knows it with certainty, the way it sinks deep into her bones. For a moment she is unable to move or speak, that familiar feeling returning in her chest, the urge to comfort you and to make you happy, something that had been there for weeks, months and maybe even longer. It takes her another second to finally step forward „Sweetheart?“ her voice is gentle and hesitant as she moves closer to you „What‘s wrong?“ she asks, causing you to quickly lift your head and wiping your cheeks, trying to compose yourself.

„It’s nothing“ you say, voice hoarse „I just- I‘m fine“ you lie, not wanting her to know she was the reason for your sadness. But you aren‘t fine and both of you know it. The blonde kneels in front of you, searching your face in that familiar way, something inside her cracking wide open at seeing you like this. She had spent days trying to convince herself that pulling away was the right thing to do for now but seeing you like this, she sees how wrong she truly was.

This wasn‘t just about her anymore. It was about you too. The way she had been hurting you, so caught up in her own fears that she ignored what was right in front of her and the fact she was breaking the one person she swore to never hurt, sent her into something even more painful than she had ever endured before. „I‘m sorry“ she whispers after swallowing hard, taking you by surprise. Your breath catches in your throat before shaking your head „You don‘t have anything to be sorry for“ you explain. But she does and tonight, for the first time, she wasn‘t going to run from it.

Slowly and cautiously, she reaches out, taking your hands in hers as she kneels in front of you. „I do“ she confesses „I‘ve been aoviding you, pushing you away and that wasn‘t fair to you“ she admits. Your fingers tighten around hers, slightly almost as if too afraid to hold on too tight, afraid she may slip away again. And that‘s when Cordelia realizes, she never ever wants to be the teason for you to cry again. Something shifts inside her in the rareness of the moment, something irreversible. The supreme had spent too long denying this, and looking at you now she knows, she can‘t keep running from this, from you.

The silence stretches between you, heavy, uncertain but your eyes speak volumes. There is something raw in them, aching, desperate and for a moment Cordelia forgets how to breathe. She knows what you are saying without ever opening your mouth and that‘s why it hits her so hard. You loved her. It‘s the way you are looking at her, like she is your entire world, in the way your grip lingers and the way she can feel your heart almost as if it is beating for only her. The blonde exhales shakily, shifting just a little as her fingers curl around yours a little firmer. But then the guilt hits her. She knows she should stay quiet and not tell you, knowing it would not only ruin the moment but risk ruining so much more between you. But she couldn‘t hold it back, not when she has known for so long and able to read you.

„I“ she begins but hesitates, realizing what she is about to do. „I hear you sometimes“ she admits, almost a whisper. „Your thoughts“ she confirms as your breath catches and your whole world stays still. „Not always“ she continues gently, hoping it would soothe what she is about to admit to you. „But enough- enough to know“ she admits, vulnerability in her voice as her eyes well up with tears. „Know what?“ you ask a little dumbfounded, of course knowing her abilities but so taken back in the moment that you don‘t even understand her words.

She doesn‘t speak at first, being able to see in your eyes the hurt she just caused you, the trust you had put in her that she just broken. But your eyes searching hers causes her to falter „How you feel“ she admits, a tear slipping down her cheek „I can hear your thoughts.. it‘s not always and not intentional but I can“ she admits and if it wasn‘t this serious, wasn‘t for the hurt in your eyes she would feel relieved for finally having you know. Silence stretches between you as her words sink in and the reality of it all closes in on you. „How long?“ you ask, almost desperatly searching her eyes again and when she avoids your gaze you know it had been from the beginning.

Your hands leave hers, rushed and she almost cries harder at the loss she feels in that moment, knowing she had lost the trust you placed in her. Without thinking you move, leaving her kneeling there as you make your way to the door „Y/N, I‘m sorry“ she pleads almost desperately not wanting you to go like this, scared you are slipping away for good. „Why?“ you suddenly halt, not understanding as a billion questions linger on your mind. „Why can you hear them?“ you ask confused, knowing about her abilities but also knowing this wasn‘t normal, not to this extend and not even for supreme.

„I didn‘t want to, I tried blocking it I promise but it just kept happening and I didn‘t know how to tell you“ she apologizes, the sincerity in her voice making you doubt everything. „Cordelia why?“ you ask again, the usage of her full name sending another pang of guilt through her chest. „Answer me“ you demand, being able to tell by her features as she stands that she knows. „Cordelia“ you warn as you see her holding back, feeling like she at least owes you the truth now after everything. „Because we are bound Y/N“ she raises her voice, frustration and emotions bubbling over as she stomps her feet. „Bound?“ you ask a little baffled before she steps forward, her features apologetic „Soulmates“ she admits, raw and vulnerable feeling the weight of her own words.

The blonde can see the confusion in your expression, how you are doubting her words, how it makes no sense right now. But you don‘t say anything, feeling your chest tight from her words and your own emotions bubbling over as you walk away, your steps quick as you find your own bedroom again, needing nothing more than peace right now as you practically collapse into the door, sliding down to your knees as soon as you close it behind you. Your head repeats her words, realizing how she had always known and you aren‘t sure what‘s worse, the fact she never told you even in moments where she could hear every single one of your thoughts or the fact that she didn‘t want you.

For days Cordelia tried, talking at first but when she realized it was too soon she tried it in a more subtle way, leaving tea outside your door in the morning, sending lunch upstairs or dinner to your office when you would skip it or leaving a book she knows you would love on your bed. It killed her how she could feel you everywhere, see and feel your pain but unable to take it away and knowing she caused it, killed her even more. Neither of you knew the night following would break everything lose as you sit in your bedrooms, staring at the ceiling as sleep wouldn‘t find you, only each other on your minds and aching hearts.

It was Madison that got on your nerves again, pushed and pushed you until you couldn‘t stand it anymore. You had never spoken up to her, not when she was unfair to you and not when she would tease you about the supreme but tonight was enough and even Cordelia heard your voice from upstairs, how it echoed through the silent academy as you finally told Madison to shut the fuck up. The supreme follows you without thinking, down the hallway and into the courtyard and finally the greenhouse as she watches you stand there, fists clenched at your sides, breathing uneaven.

„Y/N?“ she tries „Delia please“ you practically beg, not wanting this right now, not wanting her to be the one calming you down. „Please don‘t do this, don‘t shut me out“ she pleads as she watches you still turned away from her. She moves closer „Don‘t tell me you are fine“ she tries before you squeeze your eyes shut „It doesn‘t matter“ you mutter, voice sounding like you don‘t care at all when truly you did. „It matters to me“ she counters and you almost scoff before turning towards her „Why? because we are bound?“ you ask almost in disappointment.

But Cordelia couldn‘t stand it anymore, couldn‘t stand the way she could feel you, knowing how every inch of you felt and knowing she could fix it if only you let her. The last few days made her realize she couldn‘t keep doing this anymore, hide and run from her own feelings. „No“ she begins „I can‘t keep feeling you and not- You are everywhere all the time and even when I tried to push it away you are always there“ she sighs, tears pooling in her eyes again. „Yes Delia because we are bound“ you repeat the words but you don‘t seem to understand.

„Because I love you“ she almost shouts in frustration, stomping her foot in that all too familiar way. The silence that follows is thick and suffocating as your mouth hangs open, seeing that something changed in the way she looked at you, that same thing in her eyes but something gone, the holding back and hesitation you saw in her brown eyes before. Cordelia searches your face, afraid she said too much, said the wrong thing but then you speak raw and vulnerable „I love you too, I always have“ you admit under your own tears.

And this time Cordelia doesn‘t hold back, stepping forward and cupping your cheeks, letting herself feel all the emotions, your heart beating uncontrollably, the fear, the ache and the longing but this time she doesn‘t fight it. You lean in, foreheads touching as your hearts beat in synch and when your lips meet almost painfully slow, aching, it feels like the bond finally settles, the pieces falling into place. Almost like as if it was waiting all along. And who would have known that after everything Madison had been right all along, your soulmate had already been in your life, much longer than you thought and certainly much closer than you assumed.

Neither of you let go as you hungrily cling to each other, afraid the moment would fleet away, lips aching and tears mingling with each others, feeling the strong arms of your soulmate around you. Delia, your Delia.

#asks #sarah paulson #cordelia goode #ahs #american horror story #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode x reader #billie dean howard #wilhemina venable #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse

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