#wish i hadnt now but also what could i have done?

[senselessalchemist]

Sometimes you spend Saturday (one of your two free days a week) sitting in the stairwell because your insurance will only fill your specialty meds thru the mail and your doorbell is broken so if you want to get your medication you have to watch for the FedEx truck

By you I mean me

(5 hours and meds still not here)

I am tired of having this body and I deserve a new one after the massive hell this one has put me through

[pissfaggit]

Whoops!!!...Add Micheal Caine to the list of celebrities I've dreamt about being my uncle

[stevie-petey]

oh also,,, whenever you wanna write. chap 6 steve & robin pov blurb because i am so sure steve would be going on and on about bug once she left so my soul needs that thank you <3

im kicking myself idk why i didnt include this scene in the chapter like its PERFECT for what i have planned later but ,,, for now all i can do is make it a blurb n tell people to read it lmao

enjoy <3

"it didnt matter that you were an ass. i was still... obsessed with you." robins confession hangs in the air. her back is pressed against steves as they lay on the floor, bound together. his eye stings and his nose is numb and crusted with dried blood. he isnt sure why shes telling him this.

"even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular. accepted. normal."

the rope around steves wrists tense. he clenches his fists and bites the inside of his swollen cheek. acceptance. he thought he had that, once. when he was sixteen with a crowd of people who wouldve done anything for his attention.

now hes eighteen and the crowds bruises still tinge his body.

"if it makes you feel any better, having those things isnt all that great. seriously." it took him a long time to learn that. to recognize that his acceptance was merely a precedence. it wasnt real friendship. he wouldnt learn this until he met you, until you taught it to him. "it just baffles me. everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, its all just... bullshit."

bullshit. nancy taught him that, too.

"its all just bullshit, it was so obviously bullshit. i was an idiot for not realizing it sooner," steve bites the inside of is cheek again. somehow, his lips remained untouched when he was being beaten by the russians. your lips still linger on his. "you know, the only person who saw through my bullshit was y/n. one day, before we knew about monsters and russian lairs, she said that she knew i wasnt a bad person. it... it stuck with me. here she was, y/n henderson, telling me i wasnt so bad."

"and then...?" robin is almost too afraid to press him further. shes never seen him like this, vulnerable and open. she didnt know that his history with you went beyond just a summer fling.

steve nudges his head back and sighs. "i messed up. i... i hurt people. people she cared about."

robin frowns. you wouldnt forgive someone so easily for that. theres more to what steve is saying, she just cant figure out what. "she must really love you, then. if she forgave you."

"i dont know if she loves me, but i know that she believes in me. sees someone worth putting up with." he huffs, he cant believe he will never see you again. he hates that he will never be able to thank you for seeing a version of him that no one else could. "it wasnt until i messed up that i realized she saw something in me. its ironic, isnt it? but i guess you gotta mess up to figure things out, right?"

he had to mess up to realize that he loved you, too.

"i hope so. i feel like my whole life has been one big error." robin admits. its the least she could do, offer steve a piece of herself in return for what hes offered her.

an unattractive snort escapes steve. he laughs, and his shoulders shake against robins. he understands exactly what she means. "yup."

"god, i wonder how y/n does it."

"does what?"

robin pauses, worries that she might reveal too much. but its steve. if theyre going to die together, he deserves to know. he has to know. "shes always able to see the error in people and love them anyways."

steve is quiet. he lets what she said settle over him. its what he loves the most about you. how youve always managed to see the good in people, even in someone as cruel as billy. he hadnt known that robin noticed this kindness in you, too.

she seems to understand you in a way only he and jonathan do.

"you know, i wish id known you in clicks class." its a peace offering. an extension of himself to robin for caring about you the way he does. no one really seems to be able, despite how easy steve finds it to be.

"yeah?"

"really, i do. maybe you couldve helped me pass the class." he breathes out, the thought of all he couldve done differently will always haunt him. king steve is dead, but the persona is a ghost he will never be able to get rid of. "maybe instead of being here, id be with y/n on some romantic getaway. maybe you wouldve given me the courage to do what i shouldve done sooner."

robin doesnt say anything. she turns her face away, presses her cheek against the concrete surface.

"robin?"

she swallows. "yeah. yeah, maybe. you wouldnt have been stuck slinging ice cream with me like some smuck."

steve shakes his head. hes worried hes said the wrong thing. "hey, dont get me wrong. i enjoyed being your smuck. it was fun while it lasted."

bittersweetness creeps upon robins face. she smiles, though its a sad one. shes going to die with the understanding of why youve fallen so hard for steve harrington. "yeah. it was."

then the doors burst open and the russian find them.

[roseworth]

Any thoughts on Bart and Rose?

MANY

they make me so goddamn emotional. first of all bart being genuinely interested in being friends with her in a period of her life where she felt like no one really wanted her around.. like the titans kinda had to look after her and the older titans saw her as an unstable child that had to be taken care of (which is correct. but she didnt like that). but BART just looked at her and thought she was cool and wanted to hang out with her <3

and him saying "its not like that" is sooo sweet bc he really just wanted to be friends with her 😭 ge*ff made their relationship sorta romantic but its so sweet that he saw her and said "idk how i feel about her but i just know i want to hang out with her <3"

also my fav thing ever is that he sees her screaming at donna and crying and goes "this is the perfect time to make my move 😎" its so fucking funny because then the NEXT time he sees her he does the exact same thing. she watched her foster parents get murdered in front of her and bart goes "hey rose! its me your friend!" ily bart. but he just keeps running into her at the absolute lowest points in her life and trying to be friends. like baby shes about to kill herself this is not the time to hang out...

and then. GOD. HELLO. tt03 #12 makes me lose my fucking mind btw

sobbing because hes the ONLY PERSON that ever reached out to her during this era. hes the only person that recognized there was something wrong and tried to help her. he knew her!!! he thought she was lying to slade because he couldnt believe she would do that. GOD.

it drives me insane that so many people who shouldve done something to help her just. didnt. but i understand that sometimes the story has to happen and they couldnt do it. thats FINE its FINE

ooouuuuggaaagahguhhohuguhhoyhuguhhughggaghahhguhhuogouhghhggagghhguhuahgguhhohooouuauauhghggaagahhuhguhooouguhaggahghgh. im fine.

"rose was there. trying not to be like her dad. trying to be something else." ACK. OUCH. ok im fine.

then. titans of tomorrow 🤮

scraps of what could've been....... i assume geoff had an arc in mind where the titans take rose back (they were at least kinda hinting at it in some of the stories) and i so badly want to know what would've happened. i like the renegade arc but i wish we got a story with the titans taking her back :((( i dont trust jeff geohns with anything but... in my imagination it would've been a great story with bart coming to get her and convincing her to leave her dad

and im still refusing to acknowledge the rest of the titans of tomorrow arc because that story is so goddamn stupid and boring. but theyre married or something in it idk

BUT. BUT BUT BUT. heres where i get insane

because ouuughhhh they could be besties but they just. keep missing each other. right person wrong time but platonically because oughhhh they first met when rose's life was just completely destroyed. then they meet again when rose's life was destroyed AGAIN. then!!!!!!!! when rose meets the team its right after bart leaves and later dies

throwing up and crying bc after rose dies we get so much of rose's favorite trauma response of suppressing it and pretending she doesnt care then trying to fuck someone

someone that she considered a friend but hadnt been able to talk to in years dies and she says "LOL that funeral is so boring! haha bart meant nothing to me. im fine. stop talking about feelings and lets skinny dip right now. bart who" go off queen <3 she does not want to let herself feel any emotion so she represses it as hard as she can forever

(btw. i have complicated feelings about this bc as much as its in character for her to repress all her feelings with sexualizing herself,,,, ew. idk if this is johns or mckeever but its one of their faults and i know it because despite defining all the important aspects of her character theyre both so gross about her sometimes. men 👎 but thats a completely different rant)

ARRHCHHGGHFAHN.... THEN. titans of tomorrow (🤮) again

bart spent this entire story saying she was awful and trying to murder her (they divorced i guess. stupid ass storyline i dont care) shes still sad to lose him again. this is literally the only time she lets herself mourn him and its right after hes been trying to kill her. there is so much wrong with her <3 <3 <3

also as i was looking for that panel i saw this one and i think its so silly:

thats my girl!!! take no responsibility for anything ever and always find someone else to blame for your actions 💞 and bonus points for hating men !

anyways. then later the krul run happens and theyre both vaguely out of character but they FINALLY get to be friends again!!!!!! theyre buddies!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre hanging out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

besties bullying a 12 year old together <3

also one of my favs because i know its supposed to be "haha barts being creepy to her XD isnt that so funny" but inside my head this moment is just bart getting so excited about being on a team with rose again that he refuses to let her miss any of the action. he grabs her hand and gets her into her costume and doesnt think anything of it because hes just so happy that he gets to hang out with his buddy <3 that wasnt the writers intention. but it is to me

if youre willing to exaggerate. they r so besties here. they are taking every opportunity to hang out because they finally get to be buddies :') we still get to see bart just genuinely liking her and once again he just thinks shes cool and wants to hang out with her <3333 theyre so much fun

and i cant keep looking for screenshots because reading the end of this book bums me out since the new52 happened and they couldnt finish any of the arcs they had planned. lili worth i miss you every day

anyways yeah to answer your question. i love bart & rose 👍 the way hes one of the only people that just. likes her. hes the first person (ish) that reaches out to her after her mom died when she was at a very low point in her life and he continues to just enjoy her company and like her as a person which doesnt happen a lot <///3 there are so few people that like her and want to spend time with her and just genuinely think shes a good person but bart always does!!!!! barring t*tans *f t*morrow bart always likes her and always thinks highly of her when no ones else does 💞💞💞 theyre so sweet and i want them to interact again

[hearts4violett]

dead man

tw: r4pe (not done by/to fez or ash), abusive bf, murder, and the rest is just sweet

(i was r4ped 3 days ago so this is kinda my way of coping, also this is my first time writing on here so im sorry if it sucks lol)

why did this have to happen to me? thats all that you could think as you stumbled your way to the house you always go to in times like these, fezcos house. this time was different. usually you would go there after you and your boyfriend had an argument which would result in him hitting you. fez and ash had always told you to leave the guy. they hated him more than anything in this world. you had feelings for fez and he had feelings for you, but your boyfriend was in issue. ash had seen you as a mother. he loved you to death and would do anything for you, both of them would.

this time though was worse than you couldve imagined. your boyfriend came home drunk as he usually does and was in the mood. you said no and he didnt like that, he took it as a challenge. he had forced himself in you and left you when he was finished. hes probably out drinking again. you finally make your way to fezcos house and knock on the door softly, having no energy from walking and what your boyfriend had done to you. Ash opens the door and sees you, blood running down your legs, mascara and tears smeared down your face, and your hair going every which way. ashs face drops and its then that you see fezco come from out of his room.

they took you in instantly. fez sat you on the couch as ash went and got a blanket. "Did he do this to you?" Fez wasnt stupid, he knew what he had done and so do ash even though you hadnt told them. As i stare off blankly, i slowly nod, the words not coming out. Ash wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and walked to the other room. I knew what he was going to do.

Ash walked back in and tossed a gun into fezcos lap, ash having one of his own. "Lets go fucking kill him." I turn to look at ash and then to fezco who was shaking with rage. How could someone do this to someone like you? you were kind and gentle and you didnt deserve any of this. Fez turned to you "You want me to kill him for you? I'll do it, ill kill that motherfucker, just say the word." He said as he reached out and held my hand. Again, all i could do was nod. He was a dead man.

Me nodding my head was all fez and ash needed before getting up and walking to the door. Fez looked back at me and mouthed the words I love you before leaving. i sighed, as if i knew the one thing in my life that made me want to die, was going to be gone soon. I got up and made my way to the bathroom to shower. I could feel his hands still lingering on me and i couldnt stand how dirty i felt.

While stripping off my clothes, i noticed the marks he had left on me. He had left hand prints on my neck and bruises littered my body. I wanted to cry at the sight of them, but at this moment, i couldnt. my body couldnt produce a single tear. I wish it would though.

After getting out, i felt better in a way. less dirty. i went to fezcos room and stole a tshirt and some boxers. Fez always told me i was more than welcome to wear his clothes when i stayed here. As i had finished putting on my clothes and brushing my hair and teeth, i heard the door open. I peeked out and there stood ash and fez, covered in blood. He was finally gone.

Now my tears started to work. I let out a small sob and ran over to them, hugging them tightly. "Thank you" i whispered out. They hugged me tightly, as if i would disappear if they let me go. Fez rubbed circles on my back and caressed my hair. Ash had walked away to clean up. "Hes gone, baby, its ok" fez says quietly. I was finally free.

I took my head away from the side of his neck to look at him, i wanted nothing more than to be with fez forever. I finally could and i knew he would take care of me and do anything for me.

[player1064]

Hi! All such great carraville drabbles so far! If you’re still doing them, may I request them coming out publicly and the various reactions of news broadcasters, other ex/current footballers and of course, the internet. Thanks!

aaa thank you!!! and yessss I love fics where it's public reaction to stuff and i LOVE multi-media type fics so this was fun to write (even though i am much too lazy to come up with fake twitter usernames)

---

Group: MU mob

Phillip: forwarded an instagram post by gneville2 Phillip: ???

Gary: what Gary: do u think I was too nice to him in the caption Gary: I can edit it to add something about scousers maybe Gary: or how he never won the league

Phillip: you and Carragher???

Gary: ?

Paul: whyd u make me look at that rot first thing in the morning Paul: put me off my breakfast that did

Ryan: im not installing instagram for this whats he done now

Nicky: ^

Phillip: he’s dating Carragher?????

Ryan: where have u been for the last 2 years its literally all he talks about

Phillip: America! I have been! In! America! Phillip: Gaz I can’t believe you told them and not me?

Paul: I wish he hadnt told us to be fair Paul: they r so annoying

Gary: sorry phil I mustve forgot Gary: timezones etc Gary: gtg we’re having breakfast before he has to head to studio 🥞😍

David: nice post Gary 😊🏳️‍🌈 Happy for you x

Chat: Stevie G

Missed call from Stevie

Stevie: Carra

Missed call from Stevie

Stevie: Jamie Lee Duncan Carragher Stevie: pick up your damn phone Stevie: you are shit at this best friend thing yknow Stevie: also Gary Neville??? Stevie: you were moaning about him when I called you just last week Stevie: but if he makes you happy that’s alright then Stevie: tell him he’s buying me a pint next time I’m home Stevie: in liverpool mind Stevie: don’t care if you love him you won’t see me in pub in manchester

The Daily Mail

LIVERPOOL AND MAN UTD LEGENDS JAMIE CARRAGHER AND GARY NEVILLE REVEAL GAY RELATIONSHIP?

Former rivals turned co-pundits posted Valentine’s day messages on their Instagram accounts which appear to show an intimate relationship between the two men, who were both married to women for over ten years. Neither has responded for comment.

Comments:

> they’re the worst pundits on sky anyway they don’t even try to hide the bias for their teams

> gary neville’s always trying to bring politics into everything rishi was right he should stick to football!

> well I will be getting my commentary from MOTD moving forward. wish I could cancel sky sports but can’t afford to miss all the match coverage so they will be getting a strongly worded letter from me instead.

The Guardian

OPINION: IT’S 2024. WHY HAS THE FOOTBALL WORLD NOT CAUGHT UP?

There are still no openly gay players in the top tier of the men’s game. Now that two retired premier league footballers have come out, we have to ask: why is this headline news?

Both Liverpool and Manchester United football clubs have posted messages in support of Neville & Carragher, and so have many current and former players. But it begs the question why they thought that support might not be implicit, or why the two pundits had to publicly “come out” at all.

Comments:

> tbh I didn’t even know who they were until I saw Beckham’s ig story 💀

> surprised Gerrard’s not said anything, thought he and Carragher were mates >>> probably can’t if he wants to keep his manager contract $$$

> the guardian: why is the media making a fuss about two ex-footballers coming out? the guardian: is part of the media making a fuss about two ex-footballers coming out…

Twitter

Sports - Trending Gary Neville 264k tweets

Jamie Carragher 151k tweets

@.1111 they’ve been obsessed with each other for years is anyone really surprised

@.222 ngl I thought Gary Neville was already out as gay? You’re telling me people have believed he’s straight this whole time??

@.333 it’s giving slow burn enemies to lovers 150k words…

@.444 sky already wheels the two of them out together whenever they need to promote ANYTHING I bet it’s gonna get 10x worse now

Chat: J ❤️

G 👹👸: good luck on show tonight G 👹👸: no vday dinner :( G 👹👸: I shall have to waste away and pine instead G 👹👸: drown my sorrows etc

J ❤️: should be back to hotel by 1 at the latest J ❤️: I know that’s past ur bedtime old man so don’t wait up

G 👹👸: I will be up (😉😉) and ready to give you your dessert 😘 G 👹👸: might have a cheeky nap before though to be fair

[yumeyleo]

i want to die cause im terrified of aging, im scared of getting older, We're dying anyways, everything we do will be pointless in a few several decades. And in the past i would take that as a sign to live life as i want to, but i want to be remembered. But i wont be remembered because i wont make some uber big discovery or write an awesome book or do anything impactful. and im fine with that, ive accepted it. Life is pointless, joys are fleeting, all this world is is a tragedy, that sounds so emo and edgy but fuck itim alwaedy writing so many emberassing things today, im gonna hate myself in the morning ;-;. most of us, we're all dying anyway, some of us faster than others. I wanna die cause im sick of having to do stuff... cause im lazy, basically. i think death is both punishment and a gift. I think i deserve to die for all ive done on this earth, but it'll also be a treat for not being too unaware of my actions. (teh slef awareness makes me better, but also makes me worse) Theres also just this deeprooted (maybe rooted in my soul) (i dont understand souls, i want to, though) need in me to die, to feel death. its been there since day one. i sound so ew omg...i was too busy trying to comprehend how to tell left from right and how to tie my shoelaces to realize it. But anyways, the need in me to want to be hurt worse than all those around me has always been obvious. ive always been a bad person for that. actually, i never comprehended death for a while. when i did i didnt think much of it, until i thought of whats after. I was scared of death because of that thought. Maybe i still am, but now i am okay? to die. i want to find out whats after. why i want to die is something i cant understand myself most of the time, this is the basics. Sometimes i wanna live. I actually hate that i idealize about suicide, id rather just live. i know i have no future though, so ive given up on mostly everything. Its obvious in my academic decline. i wouldve been a smart girl if it werent for all of this, i mourn that i guess. i like my friends, i love them. and i want to live to have more happy and silly moments with them. The happiness i get from them never overpowers the other stuff, i wish they could. Im sad i dont want to live. id really like to live sometimes. its actually frustrating why cant my emo ass just want to LIVE??? i really wish i hadnt stopped being friends with him, but i know what he said wasnt right. im certain he wouldve made fun of me for this

[that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main]

Being Thor's best friend + Týr's Fiance part 2

✧▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬✧

Reader: female | Thor x sister-in-law Reader (Platonic)| Týr x reader (romantic eventually)

Notes: you guys liked the last one so heres the second part!, Freyr also comes in! So cool! Also týr heavy, not much thor this time! Sorry

Warnings: bitchy moms bitchy moms oh so bitch moms

✧▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ▬✧

If you fully honest

You didnt remember what happened when you woke up the next day in bed with you sketch book and a few pages spewed on the bed with yourself and a pencil

You felt a large hand, an unfamiliar large hand fall on your shoulder as you stay fake sleeping, a blanket being brought further up your body as your hair was swipped back for comfort and that was all.

You hadnt even been changed out your outfit of last night.

You sat up

"I did not wish to wake you." Týr spoke, Y/n's sketch book in his hand, setting it on the desk.

"Oh...thank you." Y/n spoke softly.

"You are tired still. I would be as well." Týr chuckled, "we had quiet the night."

Y/n was silent looking around, "You take your work very seriously."

Y/n nodded, oh, drilling another project she supposed, picking up one of the left over sketches some quick, other's well consumed on time.

"Ah....I was having trouble with the beard..." Y/n responded looking over the sketch, "I uh. Was never too good at draw braids."

"I had heard of your work prior, I am certainly impressed."

Y/n nodded, "thank you. Its an ever-growing skill."

Y/n looked at the other pages casually, he watching her intently.

"Uh...yes?" Y/n asked nervously.

"Oh. Breakfast?"

"Uh. Sure..." Y/n responded.

He had brought you breakfast in bed

Thats awfully nice

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Yes. Its good." Y/n spoke, "did you make it?"

He made it indeed.

Still you feel akward eating lunch with this man.

Its a rough start, the trying to get to know you part

He figures, once he starts getting you to talk, you wont be able to stop

Its true in a way, you enjoyed talking about your pass time, and he enjoyed listening.

But besides that you didnt open up much.

"You and Thor are good friends."

"Since we were kids."

"It's nice then. To return after your long journey to friends."

Y/n looked down into her bowl, "I was on a journey. Is that what they told?"

"You're own mother-"

"She's just as bad as your father." Y/n complained, "Both compulsive liars."

"Misery is good company they say."

That caused her to chuckle, he wasnt wrong.

He likes your smile, and you enjoy his witty humor.

You could atleast be friends it seemed like, he's kind, and carring. Good sense of humor.

Also he wasnt like your mother so big plus

Deep deep deep down, you know that you could of become friends with Týr on your own if you werent forced to marry him.

You guys kinda are forced to spend the day together

You both do try and see the postive, but the postive would you not having to wear a dress, so you didnt and came out looking like a bad ass bitch.

So you spend your day together, mostly walking, and sitting, and talking.

Until kids run up to you

"You bested Thor!" One cheered, "me and my sister are gonna be Valkyires! We wanna be like you!"

"Yeah you were so cool!"

"The first male Valkyire?" Y/n asked.

"Yeah!" They cheered, "The Valkyire twins!"

Y/n chuckled, "Well. I am no Valkyire. But. I know a few. And Im sure one day you'll both best the best."

"Come on! Lets go tell mom!"

And they ran off together with happy goodbyes.

Cute. Kids are cute, sometimes

"You're good with them."

"Kids?" Y/n asked, "truth me told I still think Im one myself"

He likes that your comfortable

And you both contuine your talking

It doesn't last long, a charge of kids come at you

"Can boys really be Valkyires!?"

"I wanna be a Valkyire!"

"Me too!"

"Lets battle!"

"Yeah! Come on! If we beat you! We're sure to be Valkyires!"

Oh what have you done

Týr's laughing as a group of kids gang up on you

You have no choice but the crumble

They've resorted to tickling you now

But you wont let them win and chase them causing them to laugh and run.

He thinks it's really an eye opener to see how you are

Plus he thinks its really cute you with kids

Though he doesn't feel like its his place to ask your opinion on kids

Luckily you go through most of the walk without intruption

His talks of peace and all, really intrest you, he knows peace can brought on even without war.

You wish nothing but to agree with him, but you know how cruel people can be, he knows but still sees the postivey in them all.

You suppose no one wants to see there parents in that light, even the worst of them.

Changing the subject he ask what you'd like to do.

Your tempted to say drinking contest.

But end up saying drawing.

He'll admit he's not the best artist, but would love to contuine to spend the time with you

He's expecting a table, just drawing whatever you remember.

Not well. The adventure that comes with it

Climbing on the sea side cliffs, a dangerous but exilerating adventure.

Sure your both shuffling along but soon your jump from one cliff to another and he's worried you'll fall.

He soon learns this isnt your first rodeo, nor second. It's like you were born into this.

"Here we are," y/n spoke, hoping down onto the pebbly beach, "our subject matter and dinner."

Its a two in onw for sure, catching fish and drawing, intresting idea but for sure something he wouldnt mind doing again.

So you both sit together throughout the sunset and until the night takes over.

It wasnt so bad spending time with one another

You best be sure ya'll spendt the night on that beach.

The next morning you woke up on the beach, warm, and happily swaddled in large arms.

Tempted to go back to bed and temptation wins

You simply roll over and go back to sleep.

You wake up later in a bed.

How much later on you don't know, but you wake up alone and covered in thick blankets.

Sitting up you get out off bed, you're chlothes have been changed.

Your hair braided back for comfort

"You're up."

"Freya?"

She came over with a pot in hand, setting it on the bedside.

"Týr explained to me you were cold to the touch, he was afraid of any sickness." She explained, "thats what happens when you spend your night on a beach shoeless. Do you feel ill?"

"Oh. Uh. No. Im fine." Y/n told, "thank you."

She nodded, "drink this. For security."

Freya poured Y/n a cup, she thankful and took it.

"How are you two getting along?"

"We're fine....I still dont think of him as..."

"A partner?"

Y/n nodded, "Suppose I am selfish-"

"Its arranged. It's normal to feel such a way. With your conditions especially."

You were quiet as you drank your tea. So Freya knew about what happened to you...

She talks to you a bit more about Týr mostly, and you answer the best you could

Your little "date" with him yesterday didnt go bad after all

"He cares very much about you already. He finds you liberating."

"Whats that suppose to mean?"

"You dont find too many Aesir with hearts tainted that still hold true to there holder."

With that she leaves you, and Thor is walking in.

"I heard a colds the one kick your arse."

"Oh please." Y/n complained, "Come for another ass beatin then?"

"Can't I check on ny friend?"

Y/n shook her head playfully, drinking her tea looking out the nearby window.

"Its good to have you back."

Y/n looked his way, "its nice to be back. Within reason. Cant stand to look at your father or my mothers face for two fuckin seconds."

He laughs at that, and so do you

Its the truth in full honesty.

You cant balme him. Its fucking funny

Yet its all cut short when your mother walks in.

You manage to shoo thor away, as she closes the door behind him.

"Daughter."

She received silence, "Have you slept with him child?"

Y/n sipped her tea.

"Have you fucked thor."

"How the fuck am i suppose to sleep with Thor?" Y/n argued, "He's my friend-"

"What does your husband think about this-"

"He likes my fun." Y/n growled, "and he's not my husband."

"He will be within days time."

"He will be within days time."

"Dont you dare mock me. What are you? Five?"

"Oh please a five year old has more balls and intergerity than you'll ever have." Y/n argued.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, leaving Y/n to her own devices.

Gladly you were by yourself, with your sketch book on the bed side.

You grab it and look through it looking through yesterday sketches.

The pebble beach was the peice of the day, and some pages included small things you found along the way, a small crab, some seaweed, the fire you two had made

And you had even tried sketching Týr a few times, small portraits

Final you decide to get out of bed and get dressed.

You make your way around, finding Týr talking with Sif.

"I'll leave you to it then."

"Sif hey."

"Y/n." She smiled with a quick bow of the head in acknowledgement, "I'll leave you to be."

Y/n watched her leave, "I am glad you are feeling better.

She looked up at Týr and smiled small, "just cold feet it all. You two talking bout smart people stuff?"

"Uh. A book." He responded.

"Which one?"y/n asked trying to make conversation, "Im assuming there is no war in it?"

It went silent, she confused and raised an eyebrow, "you good?"

"I apologize for lying to you." He started.

"Huh?"

"I was rather asking how to woo you. You seem great friends with Thor, I suppose me and Sif are much more alike in that aspect of partner ship."

Y/n laughed it a cute sentiment: "very thoughtful of you. You want...an opinion? I would consider myself an expert."

"Very much I would."

"be yourself." Y/n smiled softly up at him, " but dont be afraid to ak me the hard questions. I can take em."

He chuckled, a smooth lightheared sound, "then may I ask: would we have been lovers on a diffrent path? One that is not arranged."

Y/n hummed, "i suppose blunt honesty is how I woo you?"

"Most certainly," he smiled, his fingeds coming up to tilt her chin up.

Despite his large form he was soft, and careful, and his touch could make anyone melt.

"I don't know." Y/n answered finally, "Truth be told Im surpised we even get along on the path we're currently on."

"And why do you say that?"

"I did beat your brothers ass at the accounment dinner."

Týr chuckled once more, "I believe that is what started our friendship."

You could only smile at him.

Then realized what the fuck was happening: your sharing your feelings, your open, your melting at a simple chin lift.

Your....developing a crush kinda sort off...

Oh fuck no

So you pull away, telling him you should...go...and well do something

You dont exactly know what your doing but your running away basically

To do what? To hide from your feelings

Top ten places to hide is the wheat farms especially when there ready to be harvested and its all tall.

Soon enough who you thought was Freya comes along with a baby dragon.

"Looks like we have a guest. Y/n? Right?"

"Yeah?"

"Im Freyr. Freyas brother."

"Oh. Nice to meet you."

He took a seat without a care, commented on the sky and got to chatting right away, the baby dragon coming into your lap to play

"Ready for the big day?"

"No."

"Eh. No one ever is."

"I dont want to marry him." Y/n complained, "not now."

"Well then dont." Freyr spoke, "its that easy isnt it?"

"Unfortunately not." Y/n responded.

"Well why not?" He asked, she shrugged.

"Just. Isnt..."

"But you do wanna marry him?"

"Well. No."

"You said not now."

"I can see why Freya is the one that does all the talking,"

"Ooo, ouch." He hissed, "Someone got a little defensive."

"Is there a point? To your madness?"

"Theres always a point to madness is there not? Madness is what makes the world move forward."

"You are confusing."

"Thanks." He smiled settling down in the wheat, his body relaxed with the sun casting down on him, "lay back would you? Your blocking the sun."

Y/n sighed and scooted over allowing the sun to hit him, she just stared at him.

"You gonna ask me a question? Or ya gonna sit there and stare? I know Im beautiful."

Y/n sighed, "what happens if I do love him? I do marry him? My mother wins..."

"Ah yes. I hate her just as much as you do."

"You do?"

"Mhm. My sister and her got into it. While back." Freyr explained, "she hurt her is all I can say. Nasty blow out really."

"So I let her win?"

"From what I know of her she likes control, your out here. Sitting in a feild with another man. And a dragon." Freyr explained turning on his side, "has Týr expressed anything he likes about you to you? I know he has to Freya. Its yap yap yap since the moment he saw you. Yap Y/n Yap Y/n. Did you know Y/n draws? Yap yap yap. Just like that."

Y/n chuckled, the baby dragon gumming on her hand: "I suppose he does like that Im me...without my mother."

"Hm." Freyr hummed, "your mothers miserable anyways. Fuck it, do what you want. What makes you happy."

Y/n hummed in thought, "cheese sounds like it, it would make me happy right now."

Freyr looked at her, "that does sound good."

And thats how you became friends with Freyer, eating cheese outside the meed hall.

Your laughing with him, talking about things: life

Hes talking about his home realm, the beauty of it even inviting you to come

"Hey maybe you'll come on Honeymoon"

"Oh please."

You guys talk until night has long ago fallen.

So late that you hand over the dragon to him because it fell asleep when you part diffrent ways.

You return back to your room being quiet as possible, your sure everyones asleep at this hour.

Týr had fallen asleep with a book in your shared bed

You were quick to change into your bedware, quietly at that too, doesnt help you tripped over your own shoes

You grabbed the book from the bed and marked it for him putting it off to the side as he had many times for her.

Then carefully climbed over him, to find yourself a spot beside him before falling asleep.

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay so hi..

um ive seen people do this so ig im going to as well.

basically i and my gf (she/her) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 months (6 in two weeks). we're both 19.

we met through my bsf and her bsf dating and now we are (i had the biggest crush on her but genuinely didnt think she'd give me a chance).

ive had pretty bad luck in relationships before and they never lasted more than 3 or 4 months mainly due to the fact that im asexual and btoh previous oartners just assumed they could change me (???) but she genuinely understood and went out of her way to make me comfortable and make it known that nothing will be demanded of me more than that which i can give.

from the beginning of the relationship, ive made some rules very clear which are like my no nonsense ones, like i wont tolerate them usually at all.

one of them being not making me purposefully uncomfortable and the main big one is not yelling/shouting, especially at me. (i have past trauma from my parents and it has in the oast made me shut down completely for days at a time, only getting up to feed my cat)

on one of our beginning dates i mentioned this really nice and sorta expensive restaurant that ive always wanted to try but reservations are really hard to get.

she joked saying that oh id love to go with hou ehicb i laughed at but was mildly excited about.

so i got the reservation for yesterday, i made the reservation for two.

last month i told my girlfriend that i have finally got the reservation and would like to go with her, told her the dates and time and everything and she seemed genuinely excited to go with me.

now last week i confirmed her availability again, and asked her what colored dress she was wearing so i could match it with my clothes and we decided on a color etc and also to get ready at my place because her bsf has their family over so shes will be staying with me for 2 weeks.

now, yesterday, after i was done with my work i went to the living room just to well see her and hug her cz i missed her a bit since i hadnt really seen her in about 5 hours (i was working). when i knocked at her door, she opened it and was ready with a dress (not the color we agreed on), her purse laying in the background as she greeted me with a big smile and kiss (on the cheek).

i asked her isnt she ready a bit early and she just looked at me confusedly and said no i hve to meet R (her friend) at 4:30 so im just on time.

i asked why and where she's going just to know if she'd be back and she said that theyre going to the mall and then to the movies because R is leaving in 3 days to go on vacation so they want to spend some time togetehr.

i smiled and wished her luck, i thiught that maybe i got the day wrong but i hadnt and i was actually really sad because all my life, everyone in my family would repeatedly just forget about my plans and my shit for others' and she knew abt that.

but anyways, so i decided to still go and i took this really lovely lady, who's homeless but i buy her a meal everyday and take her out to lunch once a week. (shes like in her 30s btw)

we had a lovely time and the food was divine, i even helped the lady get ready in a changing room.

but anyways on my way home i realised i had 3 missed calls from my girlfriend and a text that just said.

we need to talk as soon as you get home.

the moment j entered my apartment, she just started to yell at me about how much of a piece of shit i am, how people forget and its not a big deal, how im an arse, how not everything is supposed to be about me, and could i possibly imagine how she felt coming back to an empty apartment, she thought something had happened to me.

that is not the order she sais everything in but someway through my breathing started to get extraordinarily fast and i coukd feel my vision getting blurry.

i said sorry to her, or i think(?) i cant really remember stuff when i get panic attacks like this. i took my cat and went to my room.

it took quite a while for my cat to calm me down bur she was able to in the end.

this morning, i made breakfast for her and since i have today off from uni i decided to go to my job (i work part-time remote but can come and go to the iffice if i wish)

its my break rn and im thinking about it, maybe it wasnt a big deal? maybe i should have reminded her again but like idk it was a pretty big thing for me.

i feel bad, i feel like i made a mountain out if a molehill and shouldve just apologised properly and explained to her that its okay and that it wasnt that big of a deal.

i dont knwo?

i wanted some advice because i truly feel very strongly for her and shes the only relationship ive had in which i feel valued and had zero self doubt (up until yesterday)

im sorry it was so long, and thank you for your help.

Hi!!

Okay so...this is hard because, I don't know if either of you are to blame, here. Your girlfriend wasn't great for forgetting, but then I was wondering why you didn't say anything? But then she was shit for yelling later....

I'm wondering if this is the first time this has happened? It sounds like a lack of communication, you know? I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss how you were both feeling. But if this becomes a pattern, especially your girlfriend yelling, I would think more about the relationship.

Keep me updated! I'm naming you orange anon.

[fatratbabyy]

hi! i really love your designs, the colours are always really well done anf the characters are full of life.. and i love how your rewrites give the characters complexity and make them really interesting to me, much more so than canon(though i am a fan of some ideas introduced there, they don’t quite turn out in ways that make sense to me)! i’ve been wondering a few things about helluva troupe for a while however and hopefully the answers aren’t spoilers, lol.. in HT, what is Fizz’s involvement with the ‘troupe’ and what is stolas’s involvement too.? i wish you much luck on your work as it is lovely to see! (also apologies for my silly username)

Thank You!

Thank you so much that means a lot!! waaAahee! It makes me happy to see people interested 🥺👉👈

With Fizz it's,,, a bit Fuzzy, because hilariously he's the whole reason I made this AU among other things But I ended up makinh him a sorta side character antag again because while originally he was going to be part of the main crew from the start of HT's storyline, as I went along in trying to write I saw some cool hcs about his star clown days and so I thought to use the more canonized view- mostly in that he's a star clown during the events of HT instead of dropping the show life to join Blitz in I.M.P. That previous version is why you see him in the I.M.P references- and hinty hoo that ol version isnt completely null and voice to the current HT

ANYWAY so yeah- While Fizz isn't as much a main character as he was he still has a great deal of importance to the story and themes I want to express in HT. When it comes to him and the Troupe itself, I could best describe him as one of the biggest foils or parallels to the main cast. Just,, he's this golden image that represents their every want fulfilled. For Blitz especially given their thick history heehooo. (That's not to say this 'golden image' is entirely as it seems btw...)

Now it sounds much like canon I know but I like to think I'm taking a different direction with it- It's not really just the "haha you suck with relationships, fuck, shit, pénis im doing better look at my good relationship" nonsense cuz for 1. Fizzarozzie does nOT exist anymore- its Mamzie now 😊 (Mammon + Ozzie) and 2. The themes with Fizz and really most of HT has less to do with the melodramatic romance "will they wont they" of Stolitz (which isnt really a thing either) and more the struggle impoverished and oppressed peoples experience with success, failure, identity, community, family, status, history, trauma, etccc. Specifically, because I am an indigenous person from Canada, a lot of the themes are drawn from my own experiences, knowledge and history as an indigenous person. Though with execution, creative liberties were taken to make the fact they're in Hell clear btww-

That very likely did nOT answer jour question but i amn,,,stoopi 😭😭😭 simpler answer i suppose maybe by chance would be Fizz is an eventual antagonist to I.M.P. Specifics and how it happens and wheNNN?? Im still not sure yet if im honest- been really busy the last year or so and so Ive hadnt had any time or energy to work as much on writing all the things! ;u; thats probs disappointing to hear cuz plaNNing and all is important if you're gonna post story stuff at all,,, but !! I do hope to work more on the story this year so i can wrap up all these floating ideas into a Concrete line of stuff cuz truly all im missing is the middle pieces. Maybe an HT comic will be real this/or next year! 👀🏃

ANYHOOT ONTO STOLAS! i rambled a bit too much about Fizz cuz im still figuring him out- Stolas might be a bit shorter cuz his role is sweet and simplisticerr.

So, Stolas is an antagonist. He and Blitz still have an exchange sort of deal, but the deal is Blitz gets to keep the grimoire for I.M.P if he handles Stolas' "errands" and gives it back on the full moon with ofc none of the uh,,hawny stuff, obv. Blitz kinda keeps this deal under wraps from the rest of I.M.P because for him, it hurts his pride to admit he's in need of some big guy's help. And Stolas is somewhat aware of this. And so, Stolas is this looming, cruel threat that Blitz carries the burden of cuz he's stubborn as fuck whilst the rest of I.M.P remain ignorant.

Some bonus notes that dont really have to do with Stolas involvement with imp but jus how stuff ive changed with his canon influence the story diff than canon; so, Stella isnt a thing anymore. In general the Goetia work much differently- majority of the Goetia being the children of Ozzie instead of Paimon (who is Stolas' sibling now btw too) and the Goetia being thousands of years old instead of fucking 30- Also! While Via is existant she is but a baby instead of a moody teen,, ties heavily with Stolas' motives and how he operates as a character, royal, and Goetian and felt it would work better with how HT Stolas is as a character than it would otherwise.

Also no worries about the username! I dont like canon stolas much either lol,,;

I apologize if this didnt answer much 😭 feel free to let me know if you wanna hear about somn else gwahgh 🏃

[thegeminisage]

okay, i had to leave farosh and grab my lightroot before she could light up again, but i also got to hit a yiga camp. now i need to figure out how to find kohga OR start looking for those signs. i think the gerudo highlands is both with one stone

got the sign in the highlands! there was actually only one. got four more near hyrule ridge and one in the desert and i think that's it?!

oh no jk two in the desert. rip

bars on the yiga clan hideout from this side (side where kohga fell in botw)...BOOOOO let me INNNNN

cackling. went up to the front door in my yiga threads and this npc thinks im one of them

ok, THIS is what i thought i was doing earlier when i found all those frogs

i wonder what happens if i take off my mask...?

saving first lol

damn i get my ass beat is what lol. it wasnt a hard fight but three guys at once plus all these sages makes for a hectic time

omg theres like stores in here!! lol including a banana store

i like the music as well

all these guys trying to sell me vehicles...whats up with THAT lol

omg the lightning helm!!! "our" sacred treasure THAT BELONGS TO THE GERUDO YOU JERKS...yet another lore breaking moment.........

earthwake technique!!!! yeahhh this is what i got spoiled for. im gonna keep fighting until i get it >:(

i got it that quickly?! but i can keep going for the helm i think...

"if youre this talented you might be a match for link" LMAOOO

oh i see. apparently this thunder helm is a yiga COPY. whatever nintendo

that's that i guess! really didn't take long...i'm gonna hit this chasm and grab a lightroot, then warp back to the tower and take the other chasm to get closer to gerudo town so i can go get kohga

oh damn landed right on top of one

ohhh i can see several more way in the distance...FAR too tempting and also they're in the wrong direction, i gotta book it right now lol before i can look around anymore

ok, down the new chasm, already see a lightroot in the correct direction. i'm coming for his ass

i forgot what it was like when the depths was truly dark. i see lightroots in every direction bc ive never been anywhere close to here. crazy.

man i seriously need to trade in some poes. i've got over 900

MINER'S MASK!!!! cool..............

at least you can use mineru to walk over gloom. i'd be bummed if she wasn't good for SOMETHING

oh hey i can go over 999 poes! what a relief...

oh theres the man himself!!!!

GOOD LORD WHAT IS HE RIDING NOW..........it flies AND has wheels. i want one

god this fucking music fucking slaps

i wish i hadnt killed those yiga earlier...i really want to steal one of their planes now lol. i dont wanna build something myself...

i built a rocket platform, but it's kinda one use only :/

A FUCKING CANNON?? LMAOOO

oh my god i'm eating shit!!!

i'm actually having more fun using the spring in this area to fly up, shoot him in slowmo, and then kick his ass lol

incredible. got him again. this is so fun

oh, this about a weapon again...they're usuaing crystalized charges to replenish something for ganondorf...i bet it's the secret stone

this is the most fun i've ever had in my entire life. i love this dude

it's wild though. same fight, different music, it might feel less fun? score has such an impact...

alright, NEXT UP...the mine under zora's domain. happily i can simply fast travel to this one

SCREEEEAM the super bright headlights are SO good. every time. like those douchebags in the pickups irl

LOLLLLLL I STOLE HIS RIDE!!!!!!

back down he goes. i kinda wish i had done these earlier and spaced them out more...he's a fucking blast. i didn't know there were multiple fights! i figured there was just one rematch and i'd wanna do it near the end/when i got to the gerudo region, lol

oh wow. they found the demon king himself...a bit sinister actually

HEBRA??? oh no.......

oh no wait!!! it's just under rito village, i got that already. whew

a weapon to the demon king...REBORN?? GHIRAHIM??????

i know it's not ghirahim. let a girl dream

omg he's being kinda serious rn...girl...

A MECH????????????

bro. i could be doing a mech fight rn. im not gonna bc i dont like riding the mech but i COULD BE.

WHAT THE FUCJ KIND OF LASERBEAMS ARE THOSE LOL

he put up a shield. guess i have to summon mineru to knock him into the electrified fence...tho i wonder what would happen if you had got this far and didn't have her?!

GOT HIS ASS!

oh man i miss these fights already. soooo fucking good and fun

k......kohga rocket???

OMFG LMAOOOOO I LOVE THIS

TEAM ROCKET IS LITERALLY BLASTING OFF AGAIN,. INCREDIBLE 10/10

ok truly. stellar work. he went down a hole last time and up a hole this time. sorry for saying hole like that

(for some reason i had to break here. apparently there is now a 4096 character limit on text blocks???)

ugh sexy i got so many crystalized charges for doing this...i have GOT to upgrade my battery

nice, i FINALLY started on my second battery meter

swinging by lookout landing to talk to the poe statue but i'm NOT talking to purah. i'm not ready for all that yet

ok. now im gonna see if i can grab a few more hudson signs before bed, so tomorrow i can get right to it...

frankly, i'm not fucking around. i'd love to explore the desert properly someday but for now i'm just gonna fly there with the bike

both desert signs done! man, i didn't even hit the nearby cave but i got shit to do. one more thing before i leave the desert, though...i wanted to see the corner of the world <3 where the great fairy used to be lol

great skeleton CAVE? what happened to the skeleton???

oh. there it is. wtf is it doing in here...

all one big room...i can even see the frog from here

apparently there's a korok seed INSIDE this cave?????? that is NOT how that's supposed to work lol

and finally, off to hyrule ridge.......

not a tower or anything really close to this area...i'll start at lindor's brow and do the best i can

first one: mt rhoam!! easy to get to from the tower. i'll glide for the next and then maybe bust out the bike

this second one i was most worried abt because its near ACTUAL hyrule ridge which contains Hands. but irony of ironies when i got close i'd already done it early on and never marked it!! two left...

god it feels sacrilegious not to stop for some of these seeds lol. DIRECT PATH ONLY.........

lol i'm down by tamio river directly under washa's bluff and. the framerate of this river rn. rip

like everything is fine. it's JUST the river

omg omg omg okay LAST ONE.......

it's by a shrine. should i get that one first?? no, i waited too long.....

HE'S ALL OUT OF SIGNS.........................

aww i got some fabric. but more importantly he finally gets to go home...shrine, and then i'm warping to tarrey town to say hi, and THEN going to bed lol

omg its a trick shrine lol. wet thorns

i can't find addison :( he's not where hduson is...don't tell me he's not actually here?!

ok, i googled it, and apparently no matter what he just hangs out at stables?! dude, you should get to go home!!!! i'm gonna go to a stable to find him...dueling peaks stable, of course

lol on googling this btw. i got a theory on reddit that says he's hudson's illegitimate child (head shape, hero worship). hilarious but also sad

aw. wait. wait...

he's standing in the same sign holding pose!! maybe they didn't have time to animate another one lol. or no he definitely stands normally sometimes. they did it for the bit

he's supporting the stable trotters and he doesn't need my help to do it 🥺 im happy for him but he deserves to go home!!!!!!!!

"why are you bothering me"?! AFTER ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE SHARED.....this is so hilariously unsatisfying. this game and completionist quests. i bet the reward for korok seeds is poop just like last time

ok. good grief. im going to BED!!!

tomorrow, the END......................

[lexa-griffins]

Can you break my heart and make me cry today? I wanna know about the major angst involving Bedwarmer Clarke and Lexa's baby from the poll we did

😈😈😈😈 there are two plot points of angst.

One of them, I won't say much - i will say there were two babies, and now there's only one. They didn't know there were two babies.

For the second point:

They are pretty far off in the pregnancy by now. Lexa has been trying to take it easy but she's still heda and she also has a small toddler to take care of so she does move a whole lot and assists with training and refuses to slow down to much even if Clarke thinks she should.

She's adamant that despite everything she is not at risk during the pregnancy, the midwives have told her she is healthy and should be perfectly fine to go about her business - as so many women do on the ground. Clarke wants to disagree, but the medical training she got on the ark barely touched pregnancy and childbirth and sometimes she really wished her mom was alive to go and ask her for advice but without her all she has is her medical instinct and a sense of doom.

That night, Lexa wakes up like usual, the baby making her go to the bathroom is by now a fairly normal occurrence at eight months. She waddled her way to the bathroom, trying to be quiet with Madi asleep with them in the bed. She's half asleep, not paying much attention to anything until she sees it. Blood, in her underwear.

No. No no no. Not now. Not this time. Not again, please no.

She wakes up Clarke to tell. Lexa feels horribly calm too. Perhaps she already knew it was going to happen, had accepted it long before it happened. When Clarke wakes up at first, she assumes Lexa is in labor but Lexa tells her no, she's spotting and they need to go to the midwife.

Madi half wakes up in the commotion of them asking a guard to watch her, and Lexa only starts to choke up when the little girl calls her over and kisses her tummy because she "wants to say bye bye to her baby sibling". She says it all the time when Lexa leaves in the morning, she doesn't mean anything by it but it feels far too real this time.

When the midwife tells them she cannot be sure and that they will have to wait to see how it progresses, Clarke feels the urge to kick the old woman. What the fuck does she mean they have to way and see?! Thats their baby! If she was in the ark, if if Clarke had managed to help, if her people hadnt been so fucking stupid maybe theyd have their technology and theyd be able to know if the baby inside Lexa is still alive or not, they could just remove the baby instead of waiting to see if her wife will have to give birth to... she cant even think about that.

They go back to the room. Clarke cannot stop pacing as if trting to remember anything that could help them right now. Lexa seems to barely be aware of anything around her, staring ahead, hands in her stomach hoping to feel a movement, a hiccup, something. But the baby is awfully quiet and still, Lexa can barely remember if she felt them move at all through the day and shevstarts to question if there is something she could have done today, yesterday, at all to save their baby. Maybe she could have done everything different. Or maybe she could have done nothing at all because this baby was just a wild fantasy that was never to be.

Madi is asleep next to them. So sweet and small. She's been so excited for a sibling, she already adores Lexa so much and had been so affectionate towards Lexa's bump over the past 3 months (yes, only three. Lexas eight months pregnant, that is not a typo 👀). It breaks Lexa's heart even more, having to explain to her where the baby has gone.

At some point, they fall asleep. Neither have cried yet because despite all of their sureness in the end of this dream, neither dare to acknowledge it might be over.

Lexa wakes up with a pain on her side. She groans at it. She does not want to wake, she does not want to face the day knowing she might be less whole by the end of it.

The pain again. She swats at whatever is making it but catches nothing.

And again.

"Nomon."

"Madi baby shh"

"Nomon."

"Hmm"

"Nomon, baby want you to wake up."

"Not yet Madi."

"Baby kicking nomon. Up! Befast!"

[scrapperjoe]

Doesn't making keichos character disabled defeat the original purpose of him?

Yeah this ones a tricky one that's been on my mind. Huge spoilers for talks of abuse and ableism. Keep in mind this likely will not be the best written since its before work and stuff.

Yeah its no doubt that keichos introduction shows him to be verbally abusive towards okuyasu, and holding ableist beliefs at that, which is... Hm, not the best choice for making a disabled character, especially if you consider okuyasu autistic like i do. So why make him disabled?

The original theme of the au was to heal from trauma and abuse, a theme very much in my own life. Id also forgotten "wait cant josuke just heal him" before id put medical research into this so, yeah. Anyways... I thought, "hey, if he wasnt dead, him and okuyasu could willingly work on their relationship together!" Emphasis on willingly. Because keicho has minimal use of his legs and such, in the early days of his recovery he'd have to rely on okuyasu to help take care of him. (By the time keichos finally discharged okuyasus near graduation, don't worry.) The time apart with keicho in the hospital allowed them to rework their relationship in a less heated setting, and having to rely on okuyasu more, someone he once looked down upon, really shifted the dynamic and you can see things are working out more healthily between them while the both of them also seek counselling and had jotaro act as a middle man in the early days of the au. Even when okuyasu becomes a parent, keichos past abuse is NOT swept under the rug because okuyasu has several boundaries set in place such as keicho not being allowed to punish or yell at the kids no matter how fatherly he mat feel towards them. He is still just the uncle, and okuyasu doesn't want them to go through what he did.

And now for what this post is actually supposed to be about! As i mentioned, the aus core theme was different at the very beginning, but does try to tackle many complex themes because i can. And you guessed it, ableism is a hot topic! Ill admit it, i hadnt originally thought of it cause my autism brain thought, "wow, nijimura bros alive!" But as ive done research ive really been cracking down on how to handle this. Ive put in much medical research and what its like to live with what disabilities and conditions he has such as being an amputee, nerve connection issues, chronic pain (i actually live with chronic migraines myself), brain damage, organ transplants, etc...

Making keicho disabled and having josuke heal him was NOT to punish him for his abuse. Not in any way. If anything, it more so puts him in a state where he quite literally cannot run away from his issues and has to actually face them with CHOICE. The spwf faced the nijimuras with whether or not they wanted to stay together or split apart because of their complcated relationship, and they both chose to stay. Anyways... With keichos character who was depicted with low-key ableist veiws, hes undoubtedly going to deal with internalized ableism up the wazu. Im not going to go into way too much detail with that because if you're disabled you know what it's like. But there's a LOT of him trying to overcome it with the years. When they were finally home together for the first time in years keicho finally got to see okuyasus survivors guilt for himself and that was one big hurdle. Keichos self hatred at that time was adding to it and once he saw just how badly it was affecting okuyasu without realizing it, boy that had to freaking change. But every hurdle after that wasn't a hurdle, it was more like climbing steps of a stair.

As we all know, recovery is no straight line. A lot of times people will wish theyll be their former selves, but a lot of times that's an unreasonable desire. Keicho has a hard freaking time accepting that. He keeps pushing himself, wishing his recovery was faster, in turn actually pushing himself back. Over time keicho has to learn his limits which is a very bitter battle. You make advancements but then you go back a bit. With josuke and okuyasu doing so much for the family keicho often feels less than, and like he should be doing more. He pushes himself to do all the chores in the house even if it means puking from his migraines or wearing his stumps to the point the friction in his prosthetics start to bleed. Because we all know keichos as stubborn as a mule. The family is very adamant about getting him to rest, and i know i joke about them having to tape him down to the couch, but this feeling is a very real part of us who live with internalized ableism. Our society is so rooted in production and everything, that it can just be so hard to accept that our brains and bodies are simply incapable of doing certain things... What's more is that with keichos fluctuating condition its hard for him to keep a job. But even when he feels like crap, the family reassures him. Cause when your body won't let you do much more than bring up laundry without being in immense pain, or can hardly let you read for fun because of brain fog, it can be hard.

And because i worked it for josuke only to partially heal keicho because keicho told him specifically not to heal him, keicho obviously has disfiguring burn scars. And with his prosthetics and mobility aids, it goes without saying that he gets nasty looks and people staring at him. Those whispers around him when he goes into public. Those that lead him to often cover up even during summer time, that have the kids have to stand up for themselves and their own family at school because they get picked on because they have a VERY non traditional family. Those stares and comments can make him feel sub human, doctors constantly offering facial reconstruction surgery, and the way people can treat others is just... Appalling. Its taken keicho YEARS to feel comfortable in his own skin. From not getting that jarring feeling every time he looks in the mirror, not having to shower with a shirt on, not wanting to peel his skin off, etc... It was a bitter battle of self love. A bitter battle that sometimes he loses. But when that little hyakuko would play with his missing finger, boy did he feel less like a monster and more like the human that he is... Not to mention body positive josuke always being there to help him out. Since crazy diamond cant heal himself, josuke has lots of scars and stitches on his body from old stand battles and the sutch, and even if his scars arent disfiguring like keichos, they at least make him feel less alone, and okuyasu just being happy he's alive is always something that makes him feel better.

Overall, the au is centered around the theme of overcoming trauma and abuse much like my other works. In this case keicho is overcoming his old self and the abuse hed once done. And as time goes on, he does grow and evolve, becoming at least a somewhat better person and more understanding of others. Himself? Come on, its keicho. But no matter the hardships, when he sees how okuyasu has grown up and the happy family hes been able to have, and let alone keicho be part of it, its made all the hardships worth it. Disabled people are not a tragedy. Stop treating us like it.

[ive-got-the-issues]

he didnt know he was cumming till his 2nd 1/2 cum shot, and he was trying to get me off his dick since i told him not to cum in my mouth but i kept sucking his dick since he already came in my mouth. he finished and i spit it out and he apologized he didnt realize. i was sucking the soul out of this man, he was enjoying it so much, i think i made him realize he liked some stuff he hadnt had done to him before. he made some shocked and surprised "ohs?" it was funny. we kept making out, he was such a good kisser. i wish i wouldve had him eat me out. he wanted to fuck so bad but he didnt have a condom. i told him "well at least you werent really expecting sex" i did tell him how i thought he was going to lag or that this was just all for sex and insisted saying "thats not what this is, i wanted to hang out" yeah okay. he kept wanting to go to his back seat but i said no bc i didnt want to climb in the back and bc i had docs on and i didnt want to take them off. i eventually got my blanket from my car bc we were kinda cold. since i didnt want to fuck him without a condom he said he could still finger me. it was so hard and hot. made me squirt twice. i covered my face and got into a ball bc i was so sensitive and he started giggling and telling me not to get all shy on him. he uncovered my face and kissed me. he was so cute with kissing. we went cak to cuddling after he fingered me, it was so nice cuddling with him. i told him he seemed like hes really nice to cuddle with. he was so cute and we had similar piercings and tattoos. we started making out again and i sucked his dick for a 3rd time, i was sucking out his soul fr fr, giving him that glug glug 3000 LMAOOOOO. he enjoyed it very much. i hate that when we kept making out he was of course choking me and it was so hot, he whispered in my ear that he was going to fuck the shit out of me. i hate that he said that bc we're never fucking. like damn dude easy pussy right here, i sucked your dick and made you cum 3 times. he kept giving me little kisses all over my face. it was so cute i just wanted to melt and turn to mush. he was so gentle but yet so rough. we parted ways, as a goodbye we made out and he shook my hand after since i bagged on him about it. when i got home i messaged him to let him know like he told me to. he said thank you and that he said same here about having a good time. i told him the next morning in response to his message that he could take off my make up and other things annnyytime and he left me on delivered most of the day then left me on read. i knew that was it. i went to hinge and our convo was gone, i knew he had unmatched me of blocked me. he stilled followed me on ig. i gave in as the thirsty bitch i am and i told him if he wanted to hang out again on our days off and so we could be more prepared to fuck and i said if not that i understood and there was no hard feelings. he responded so vague, i told him "So vague" and he left me on seen. the next day he unfollowed me on ig, but he left me as a follower. i know its stupid bc i barely talked to him but i did like his company, maybe even had developed a tiny crush. i know that was super soon but those 4 hours we hung out for were really fun, nice, cute, and so fucking hot. i wish he wouldve just been honest that he only wanted sex. why say "now you know someone else out here" why say "yeah lets go pick up weed" why makes plans??? i dont understand. idk why but it did really crush me that he unmatched me and unfollowed me. i was at least hoping we'd at least fuck. he wouldve been a really cool friend to have. i want to message him so bad but no i cant, i dont want to seem desperate or clingy or seem like a stalker. if he posts anything ill like it, lets see if he'll remove me. i want to run into him just to see how he reacts but also i dont want to see him. but who am i kidding. i wish i could see him again, i want to hang out, i want to cuddle him, kiss him, suck his dick, fuck him. i wish i wouldve had condoms.

[ankhisms]

Okay heres my gotchard ending thoughts (i watched the last 2 eps tonight) and ill put all spoilers under the cut but tldr: i really love gotchard and my love for the characters and the show overall is larger than any gripes i have with some character decisions very later on, i did feel a little confused at points in the ending and there were some things i wish were expanded on more but overall i thought it was a good ending and i loved the show im gonna miss it (":

Ok now spoilers ahead

Trying to collect my thoughts so sorry if this is jumbled but man i still really love the sisters i just wish that there was more time for development with them where lachesis is allowed to have negative feelings about her family and that they arent just magically getting along again but that they could work towards reconciliation and clothos dream of wanting her sisters to be safe and happy together.. i also wish that toei hadnt pushed lachesis/spanner so hard and wish that lachesis was allowed to still be a little mean even as she was becoming more human. However this part did make me cry im very predictable

And this also made me cry everything with the sisters really made me feel 500 emotions where again i wish we had more time to expand on it but still

I did feel a little like man i wonder if they had to cut stuff or if theres some longer cut of the last episode or the last two episode because even in the beginning of the last ep i was like wait a minute did i fucking miss something. There were just little things that confused me or i felt like something was missing/felt a little rushed and i think thats just a general thing with reiwa rider where i wish things were overall given more time to breathe but anyway.

Lots of good little moments in the end too like with rinne and her dad and the chemies all helping that was very sweet and then even though the whole turning the world gold villain motivation was never really my favorite i still think at the end it was utilized well where i was fucking clapping and cheering and screaming and crying when hotaro gets turned to gold and he just keeps fucking going and keeps fighting and everything he said about how you cant just preserve things as they are for eternity like gold you have to keep going and keep growing like THATS MY BOY AND IM REAL PROUD!!!! i do wish that rinne could have been there with him to deal the final blow now that im done watching the ep but it still was good i was cheering. And then the end check ups months later were so cute and good with new alchemist freshmen and rinne studying hard and this hurt me so bad

Like WAAOYGHHGHHHH

Anyway i loved gotchard a lot i wonder what any after show movies we get are gonns be about im truly fucking shocked that hotaros dad was like never revealed or important but aint that just the way. In the end i loved all the characters and the show and im gonna miss it

[aroaceofthesea]

Anyways a bit of a recap of my life these last few weeks bc its crazy how much stuff ive done what do you mean its only the 14th of july it feels like summer should be ending soon and ive been very inactive on here:

Starting with sant joan lol (aka 24th of june) some friends came over and we hadnt really seen each other in a couple years (like yes but not really really like it was always super awkward but it was super cool this time😋😋)

Then the next day when they left one of my best friends came home too :) he was at the town next to mine and we spent the afternoon together :)

Then we did diving classes with my mom and also some family friends im now an open water diver that was pretty random ngl

Then after like. 2 days. chilling with just my mom (my sister was like 100% of the day every day with some friends that were around) some friends from a summer camp i did last year came over😋😋

They spent like 4 days i loved every day ngl we played cards a lot we went to the beach we did so many things how did we have time to play mao so much thats crazy lol (also so many crazy rules @ ppl that i know irl i have so many great rules to add when we play again weve gotta do iit)

When they left it was sad :( but i had no time to mope bc i had exactly 15 minutes at home so i kust took a shower and then went with another friend to canet rock (catalan music festival) it was super coool :) had the opportunity to see oques grasses live again♠️🪿 (though they didnt play bancals😭😭 one of my fave songs ever)(they have too many epic songs to play them all they need an extra hour at least ngl) anyways it was crazy loved almost all of it (not miki nuñez why did they put that guy in there) and yeah it was super cool

Then i went home arrived at like 9:15 am and proceeded to sleep almost 25h until 10 am the next day im told i missed a sushi lunch with family friends :(

The next day some friends were like who avalon :) so ofc i was like meee (usually during summer im not in the city but i was that say so ofc i was like i gotta go) (just so you gt an idea i couldnt talk like at all like half my sentences were whispered bc i had lost my voice at the festival and that game is like. you gotta talk or why are you playing lol) anyways luckily they guy i had gone with to the festival was also there and also couldnt talk so at least i wasnt alone😅😅

Then i was going back home and on the way home i met one of my only remaining childhood friends lol she went with me to elementary school (or idk what you call it until 6th grade whatever) and plays the trumpet with me and we spend a lot of the summer together and it was nice to see her she had also gone to that festival (its a very very popular festival and ppl my age could go basically for free so a lot of ppl went) and also had no voice lol but it was nice to see her

Then with my parents we went and had a pizza :)

Then i spent the week in barcelona (were talking about this week already) and tuesday a friend came over bc hes from outside but had a play in barcelona like every night that week (he plays the trombone hes reaaally good) so we spent the mornings together and then the afternoons he went there (i wish i could go they were playing with fucking dagoll dagom (catalan company that made famous musicals in catalan like mar i cel and they are closing the company this year😢😢) like hoow i wanna go😭😭)

Then friday i went to my summer home and there were my mom and also that friends brother and father lol so anyway weve spent the weekend together and it was rlly fun

And also like i was looking for cool concerts around here this summer bc festa major concerts are just 🔝🔝 you get to see your fave groups for free and like even if they are pretty popular when it isnt in a big town or a very well connected one maybe you have 100 or 200 ppl to very known bands like its crazy anyway i was checking (using the very efficient method of looking where each concert of each group was and putting it on google maps) and i was getting kinda depressed bc there werent any of the bands i like most and then i was like ok whatever lets check buhos AND THERE WAS ONE YESTERDAY (THE DAY I WAS LOOKING) AT LIKE 20 MINS so obviously we went and like even though i was basically alone (bc the guy i was with is like 14 and he knew some friends that were also close and went too so he spent most of the time with them and i didnt have any friends close) it was a buhos concert so obviously it was super cool also rlly cool bc they are like one of the only bands i like that didnt play at the festival from last week so rlly cool that ive gone to concerts of all my fave bands in just a week i love this (also i was like. 3 meters away from where the tahirt they threw fell😭😭 i wanted a buhos supporter tshirt thats sad)

OH ALSO yesterday too we went to the beach and we played volleyball with random ppl and it had been a whilr since we did that bc they usually see my sister who is very good and they are intimidated but my sister wasnt there so ppl kept coming and asking us to play (we have a net which is like telling ppl pls comee if youre less than like 7 or 8 ppl) and it was rlly fun (even though that one guy was very very annoying but the rest were rlly nice lol)

So yeah now you know basically everything about my life the last 3 weeks