#wish i could live in that space at the very least socially

[sturnmeovr]

♡‧₊˚ Babydaddy!Chris x Sweetheart!Reader - Dedicated

It is highly recommended to read Delusional before continuing.

🎵 Soul Ties (remix) - Savannah Cristina

“Yea he’s not leaving anytime soon,” your best friend sounds from the next room, her stale tone of voice makes it obvious she’s annoyed at the fact that Chris’ car hadn’t moved an inch from the parking spot it was in the night before. Your plan was to stay hidden away in your best friend's house for as long as you possibly could, knowing any conversation with your babydaddy would either leave you in tears or wrapped around his finger once again — you wanted neither. The open kitchen layout gave you a clear view into her living room where she was peeking thru the blinds. You lift your head from your hands and let out a hefty sigh, “he’s still out there?”

“I don’t think he ever left,” she tells you before whirling around to face your direction, “pathetic – dedicated but pathetic,” she snorts, no emotion showing in her voice until she sets her eyes on you. Her tight-lipped smirk falls to a frown as a sympathetic look washes over her face, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

You force a smile, shaking your head at her, “it's okay. You’re allowed to have your own opinion on him.” It was the truth. She saw it all, from the beginning until now – she watched yours and Chris’ relationship flourish, she was the first person you told about your pregnancy beside him, she was the one to pick you and put you back together the first time Chris cheated. Now, she’s here doing the same thing once again but this time she’s comforting her very heartbroken, very pregnant, nearly due, best friend. She had every right to hate him. You just wished she could give some of the hatred she had for Chris to you because no matter what he did, you couldn’t hate him if you tried. You were too in love with him. 

Chris’ dedication to stay camped outside of your besties house wasn’t helping you hold the grudge that you wanted to so badly. You knew he needed to be held accountable for his actions but the longer you stayed away from him, the more you missed him. Not to mention the pregnancy hormones that raged thru your body, it felt like your heart had your brain in a headlock. He had been texting your phone every other hour on the dot, making your heart ache each time another text from Chris delivers to your phone. A thick silence falls across the room as your phone chimes on command, you and your best friend eyeballing each other across the kitchen island. You let out another sigh before flipping your phone face down, knowing anything that man said to you was just going to convince you more to take him back, you didn’t want to see another lame ass, “I’m sorry” or “please talk to me.” You just wanted time to think.  

“Maybe talking to him won’t be such a bad idea,” your best friend eases, “Bean is coming soon, and you guys at least need to be on talking terms before he gets here.” One thing you loved about her was her logical thinking, but she just didn’t understand. You were grateful for her being there and helping you thru the emotional roller coaster you had been on the last twenty-four hours. One minute you were in tears and the next you were pissed at Chris. Pissed at him for letting other women on social media cloud his judgement. You knew Chris’ lifestyle came with plenty of women throwing themselves at him, but you didn’t think he’d stoop down to that level, not when you were pregnant anyway. 

It made you wonder if he continued to text other women after the first time he was caught, had he been in other bitches DMs your whole pregnancy? The thought made your stomach weak and head woozy.

As much as you wanted to stay hidden in the comfort of your best friend's home, you knew Chris wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, not until you talked to him. All the time you two were in this situation before, Chris was always one to give you your space. This time it was different, you were pregnant with his son; he couldn’t just stay home while you sat heartbroken, and he wasn’t leaving the spot he was in unless you were coming with him.

"One reply won't hurt," your best friend adds on, breaking you out of your train of thoughts, "don't give in too quickly. He deserves the meanest version of you right now, remember that!" her voice calls after you as you get up from your seat. You smooth a hand over your bump, slugging to the next room while you unlock your phone to read Chris' text messages.

You lock your phone, shoving it into your pants pocket before heading to the foyer, slipping on your shoes and calling out to your bestie, "going to talk to him!" Even though you were dreading the conversation that was to come. You weren't accepting any unkept promises this time. As much as you craved more information, it was unlikely you'd get it. You knew Chris, and you knew you'd be playing detective if you wanted to get anything else out of him.

The fresh morning breeze hits you as you make your way outside, your pregnancy waddle making itself known with each step you take. Your heart thumps violently in your chest as you set your eyes on a very messy looking Chris taking long strides to the passenger side door, yanking it open and waiting for you with eager eyes. The sight of him makes you feel like you could vomit at any moment, the feeling of uncertainty lies deep in your gut. You take a deep breath, trying to collect yourself as you approach his car, making sure you don't meet his gaze as you sink down in your seat.

You watch as Chris shuts the door, his bottom lip clamped between his teeth as he runs a hand thru his hair, quickly moving on his feet to the driver's side. It was obvious he hadn't slept all night. Chris sported his classic sleepy, messy-haired look many times before, but the bags under his eyes told everyone his lack of sleep was stress related.

Chris runs another hand thru his hair, letting out a long sigh as he sinks down into his seat, "I missed you, Sweetheart," his voice was hoarse, way raspier than normal, " — and bean." Your son did somersaults in your wombs at the sound of his dad's voice, making you smooth a hand over your bump in an attempt to calm him. Chris' eyes follow your movement, and he stretches a hand out to mimic your actions. Baby Bean thrashes around actively at the feeling of Chris hand on your stomach. Chris clears his throat, "I really am sorry," his voice thick with emotion as he looks up at you. You can see the tears pooling up in his eyes as he attempts to blink them away, letting a few fall in the process. It was the most emotion you had ever seen on him considering the fact you didn't even see tears when he found out you were pregnant. You watch as Chris collects the stray tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, quickly looking away as he sets his bloodshot eyes on you. Seeing him cry made you want to forget about all the hurt he caused you; it made you want to suffocate him in a bear hug while you ran your fingers thru his hair and sang him soft lullabies.

"He misses you too," you croak out, crossing your arms over your chest as you study the man across from you. He was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, his signature scent of cologne was very faint, nearly worn off and watered down. The stress induced bags under his eyes indicated his mind was running rampant all night long, much like yours. His gaze fixated on you; he wanted you to know he was ready for whatever you threw his way. He was ready to take the heat for all of it, anything he had to do to get you back.

"You don't miss me?" his words echo off the interior of the car, making the silence thicker than it already was. There was no doubt that you missed him, but he didn't deserve to hear that. Your best friends' voice pops into your head, 'he deserves the meanest version of you,’ you wanted so badly to agree, but looking at how tore up and dismantled Chris sat in front of you – it absolutely broke your heart. You let out a staggered breath, "yea, I always miss you — but that doesn't mean I forgive you, Chris." As soon as the words leave your lips, Chris is nodding in agreement, he knows he has some making up to do.

In a way, you were thankful you isolated yourself from Chris instead of acting off of your emotions as you usually would. It gave you a lot more time to weigh out your options. Was it reasonable to break up with the father of your child twelve weeks away from your due date because he was texting a random girl on Instagram? Probably not. If there was more you didn't know about, it'd be a different outcome. Isolation came with overthinking, and you thought of every possibility when it came to Chris' infidelity. Who was she? Was she a side bitch or just some random? Was that the only conversation or was there more? Did he know her personally? You knew you’d be a wreck at this moment if you hadn’t cried your tear ducts dry the night before. No matter how hard your heart thumped in your chest, you felt numb.

You knew you couldn’t do it alone; you relied on Chris for almost everything these last 7 months. You were freshly in your third trimester, and you’d be damned if you spent the first few weeks of your baby’s life living in an unfamiliar air bnb or hotel room. There was no point in arguing with him. There was no point in asking questions. If Chris was this dedicated to get you to talk to him, there was no telling what he'd do if you held out no contact when the baby was here. Besides, he said he’d never do it again, right?

Wc - 1752?? (Not proofread yet)

♡‧₊˚ Sweetheart is such a pushover for her babydaddy 😭 I hope everyone likes this lol. This is very much unresolved, so there will definitely be more angst in the future 🫣 But also some fluff, Baby bean is due soon and I have yet to pick out name lol. Let know what you guys think and don't forget to send me ask about the two 🫶🏻

Masterlist

Babydaddy!Chris Masterlist

Taglist (comment to be added)

Requests/Asks are always open - send me questions or suggestions for Babydaddy!Chris x Sweetheart or Neighbor!Matt x Brat!Reader

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[theleotarot]

What’s Next In Love For You? ♡

Choose the image you are most drawn to or resonate most with… pile 1, pile 2, pile 3, & pile 4 ✨

My Ko-Fi paid pac readings and tipping ♡

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Pile 1

(Ace of swords, The Sun, Queen of Wands, Death, Seven of Cups, Nine of Swords, Nine of Cups, Fulfillment, Partying, Judgement, & Wedding)

Hi Pile 1, welcome to your reading. ♡

I believe that in the past with love, you have experienced some sort of sadness or disappointment. Whether it be a separation from an ex partner, or you just cannot seem to find the right partner for you, you seem to have been drowning in your own pain in regard to your romantic life. I think some of you may have also thought to yourself “What have I done to deserve this in my life?” Well, I just want to say that you are beginning to find clarity within yourself. I believe that this pain that you’ve been through has pushed you to start doing things for yourself. Whether it be focusing on school, work, hobbies, or friends and family, you are now putting yourself first and not rushing to find love. You may have felt like love or a romantic partner would fulfill you, but I promise that this journey you have started to build yourself back up again will fulfill you much more than anyone or anything else could ever fulfill you.

I think that when love comes next into your life, you will be very happily single and in your own space. I think that it will be at a time in your life when you have accomplished what you wanted, and perhaps even at a time when you are very social. Even if you are more introverted, there will come a time when you begin to socialize with others for your benefit. I think you may even meet your next person in love through any sort of party, maybe a wedding. It does not have to be a big event, but I’m seeing that it is a place where you will socialize a lot with friends and you will be living in the moment at that time. I think when you are with this person, you will do activities that involve a lot of fun too. They will bring extreme joy and laughter in your life. Lots of playful energy here. You may take a lot of photos with this person too. I also think that when this person comes into your life, you will no longer have the mindset of “Nothing good with love ever happens to me” or “I am doomed to be alone.” This person will obviously shift your perspective on love and give you a lot of emotional support I am sensing. I think that your previous wishes and daydreams are coming true with this person. For instance, if you’ve always wanted someone who takes you on beach walks and cruises through the mountains with you while listening to music, you will absolutely get this from them. I’m thinking that you won’t even have to ask this person to do anything, they will do things on their own will and surprise you. I think that as an outcome of what’s happening next in your love life is that you are going to be emotionally fulfilled, but you may still have some anxiety surrounding your situationship or relationship with this person. I believe that this stems from the past though. You may be very breath taken by this person coming into your life, but you are still scared that love will fail you once again. Even though you may have fears about love failing on you still, I certainly believe that the next person in love coming towards you is definitely committed to you, or at least their feelings for you are very genuine. Pile 1, your wishes and dreams are transforming to life now, so keep going, and you will be where you have always wanted to be. ♡

Who is this person coming towards you next in love? – Ko-Fi extended reading

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Pile 2

(The Unknown Card, Five of Cups, Five of Wands, Queen of Wands, King of Cups, Knight of Pentacles, Three of Swords, Truth, Abundance, World, & Engagement)

Hi, Pile 2! Welcome to your reading. ♡

I think that right now, you may feel lost in your love life or unsure of how things ended like in your pervious love experience(s). I am getting a sense of feeling that you may have recently gone through a separation with an ex partner or love interest, or you may have just felt the need to back away from a certain person. I am also getting that some of you may still wonder about the truth of your past situation. Maybe you never got the truth or clarity you needed. For some of you, I’m getting that your ex partner may have been a narcissist or treated you poorly or took you for granted. This feeling of lost or separation has resulted you in feeling worried, I would say about your love life. I am also getting that you may struggle with moving forward in terms of your life as a whole. I’m getting that you do want to proceed with your life, but you just feel so stuck and you may feel uncertain of how you can move on with your life. Pile 2, I think with time though, you will for sure be able to expand your life, including your thoughts and actions with love. I think eventually you’ll be able to walk away from the uncertainty or loss you’ve had and begin to have many love opportunities given to you.

When love comes in for you next, I believe that you will still be in your feelings of sadness and loss of something you once loved or cared for. You will be at a time where you feel very unstable with your life and emotions. I think you’ll also be battling with yourself mentally. I think you really want to get rid of these feelings of emptiness, but your mind is still struggling to have positive thoughts to let you be happy. I do think that when this next person in love comes into your life, they will bring you lots of stability, respect, and admiration that you did not have before. It is amazing here that you once were in a place with the 5 of cups, feelings of sadness and emptiness, but with this next love, it will offer you the King of Cups, which is lots of stability and emotional fulfillment. I think this next love in your life will also teach you to be more confident in yourself and you will gain clarity in terms of your romantic life. I think with this next person, they will offer you a very emotional connection too. A connection, I would say like soulmates. There will be a lot of passion and sparks between the two of you, I’m hearing laughter in your conversations. The type of love where you playfully run in their arms to spin you around, or vice versa. I think that the point of your union with this person is for you to experience a love that you have never received before, while also helping you to love yourself and build you stronger than ever before. Your next love really uplifts you to find yourself I would say. I believe that in the early stages of your connection with this person, your connection will develop very slowly, and because of this, you will feel like they might be playing you, not serious with you, or just don’t feel for you like you do for them. It will make you feel worried or upset, but Pile 2, I just want to say that they certainly do feel for you. They do take you seriously, and after these early stages, you and your next person in love will have a very young, free flowing, and innocent type of love. I think this love will also heal your inner child. Your union together is to make you both stronger as individuals and learn about the opportunities in life. ♡

Who is this person coming towards you next in love? – Ko-Fi extended reading

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Pile 3

(King of Wands, Five of Swords, The Moon, Temperance, The Chariot, The Hermit, Strength, Wisdom, Passion, & It Is Safe For You To Love)

Hi, Pile 3, welcome to your reading! ♡

I think you have recently overcome lots of obstacles or you’ve gone through some sudden unexpected change. Maybe this is a separation from an ex partner or person of interest. You may have had many sleepless nights worried about whatever situation that put you through anxiety or stress, but I believe that right now, you are in your power regarding love, education, career, money, and success. I think that the situations that you have gone through have left you no choice but to change yourself and proceed in your life in order for you to be happy. Perhaps right now you are picking up a new hobby, or trying to advance in a hobby. Maybe you are creating a small business or picking up a new side hustle. Maybe you are excelling in your classes much more than before. Your passion to succeed in life is dramatically increasing right now, and I just want to say Pile 3, although you don’t see it, with the adversity you go through, there are success, love, and wish fulfillment growing to life for you. Keep going my pile 3! You are in your power!

I think when love comes next into your life, I think you’re going to be a bit skeptical and in your head about it. I think when love is offered to you, you’ll think to yourself “Really? Why me?” It’s kind of like, you don’t really expect love to come your way because you’re not used to it, or love hasn’t did you well in the past. With this pile, Pile 3, I am hearing “Trust issues.” You may have this, just take what resonates. I think when love comes into your life, you’ll be afraid to open up to this person due to not wanting to get hurt. Maybe it takes awhile for you to trust someone and get comfortable with them for you to open up. You are most likely guarded. I think when love is offered to you next, you have probably been so much in your independence that you may hesitate to accept love. Eventually, you’ll let this fear subside though and you’ll begin to open up because you’ll feel intense passion with this next person in love. I think in the early stages of your situationship or relationship with them, you’ll realize that there is equal interest between the both of you, and that will help you open up much more. If you ever had to experience unrequited love, this next love coming towards you will be the complete opposite. This next person feels the chemistry and desire with you, and vice versa. They also have extreme loyalty and devotion to you. You’ll have a lot to talk about with this person. There are lots of texting, calling, and communication here in the courting stage. This next love will also offer you lots of traveling and lots of freedom as well. Lots of trips together, definitely. You may open up to this person slowly, but surely, you will feel comfortable with them in the end. Ultimately, this next love offer will help you gain inner strength, and let you know that it is okay to let love in and trust people with your heart. I think you’ll learn to love and enjoy having someone as company more than before, even if you are always used to being in solitude. I think you and this next person will have a lot in common in terms of your hobbies or activities you enjoy doing together. You’ll feel really safe with what’s coming towards you in love, Pile 3. Just remember that you are capable and worthy of a true, loyal, and healthy love. ♡

Who is this person coming towards you next in love? – Ko-Fi extended reading

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Pile 4

(King of Cups, Three of Wands, The Lovers, King of Wands, Death, Six of Pentacles, Four of Swords, Love, Blowing Kiss, Chariot, & Retreat)

Hi, Pile 4, welcome to your reading. ♡

I think right now in your life, you may have a person of interest, or someone in mind that you are attracted to and still debating if they are the one for you. I keep getting this energy in your reading that you definitely have someone, or you have your eyes on someone. If this isn’t the case, then I think there are other people who have their eyes on you and are interested in you, and they’ll be coming in pretty soon. I do think you are generally a more emotional human being though. Perhaps, you are a hopeless romantic. I also think that you do want to take your situation with this person to the next level. I’m thinking maybe you’d like to get to know them more, see them more, or go on more dates with them. For others who don’t have a person, I’m getting the feeling that you are very ready to let love come into your life right now. Maybe you are even seeking for romance right now. Pile 4, but I just want to say that your love life is really transforming right now, even if you don’t see it. I really feel like romance for you is close by.

When love comes next into your life, I think you’ll be super ready for it. Of course, if you already have someone in mind, you’ll be happy that you’re finally taking things to the next level with them. Again, I’m really feeling that what’s coming next in love for you is on the horizon. I think you’ll be planning a lot with this person. Maybe you will plan out the different types of dates you will go on, or maybe you will strategize ways to see them in real life just to talk to them. They will do the same. I’m getting that you’re actually super into them. There’s going to be a lot of talking between the two of you, and I’m getting that your affection for them is returned back to you. If you have already been texting, calling, or communicating with them, just know that your conversations are getting deeper and moving to the next level. It’s such a sweet love to start with. It’s like the beginning or courting stage will be filled with butterflies and nervousness because you both like each other a lot. I think that this next love coming towards you has to offer you a lot of expansion and growth in your love life. I think you’ll both take initiative and up lift each other in your relationship. There is so much giving and receiving here in your relationship with them. Maybe they might pay for a date, and later on, you’ll give them a gift, or maybe they’ll make you a special breakfast in the morning and then in the evening, you’ll surprise them with a homecooked dinner date. It’s things like this that I’m getting for you two. Love is returned here in this relationship. I also think, of course, you’ll no longer feel that intense feeling in your chest of “Oh do they like me like I like them? Will we ever be together?” like you once did before. By then, you would absolutely know that they feel a lot for you. Another thing I am getting with your reading is that this is the type of love where it feels like you are always in the honeymoon stage with them. You both are just so lovey dovey with each other, and the love won’t stop! With what’s coming next in love, there will be lots of giving and receiving as said before. You’ll receive this love that is reciprocated in all ways, and I think your mind and heart will be at ease when you are with this person. You’ll finally be able to get good night rests with what’s coming in for you. I think you’ll definitely think that this person was worth waiting for Pile 4. ♡

Who is this person coming towards you next in love? – Ko-Fi extended reading

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[klaus-littlestwolf]

Nerd Alpha!Klaus Stalking his Omega

(Klaus is a bit of a stalker in this one but not in a creepy or Yandere way, he’s just a sweet Alpha with no social skills)

He had caught her scent the first time in the quad and followed the scent all the way to the library where he found an Omega surrounded by strong Alphas who were clearly trying to get her attention.

Klaus had known that he had to have her but he also knew he couldn’t compete with the large football players that were after her and so he sent her a bouquet of roses. The note attached told her of his interest in her and she actually found it quite sweet, flattered by the completely new approach from an Alpha. Usually they’re all in your face and huge assholes trying to show you that they’re the better option but “NM” was trying to ‘woo’ her without being intimidating and mean. She found she actually loved it.

The next day she got another note and it was lovely,

‘I cannot get your sweet smile out of my mind, I wish more than anything it was me you were smiling at. Seeing the sadness on your face as those asshole Alphas surround you hurts me to witness, your face should only ever be happy. I have fallen in love with your sweet scent, honeysuckle and warm caramel haunt my nose in a way I didn’t know possible and I do hope that my scent pleases you the same.’

He had sent her a stuffed wolf that was covered in a strong Alpha smell letting her know that he had deliberately scented it, the smell of Pine Trees, Whiskey and Leather being overwhelmingly delicious to her and actually making her a bit light headed as she sat on her bed huffing the scent of the stuffed wolf and feeling the slick begin dripping from between her legs.

She had placed the stuffed wolf into her nest and hoped that her Alpha would introduce himself today but he did not, he had left her another rose and a blanket that was heavily covered in his scent.

She was a bit confused as to why he wouldn’t come and find her when she accepted the stuffy, no Omega in the world would keep the scent of an Alpha in her living space if she didn’t love it but either way she laid the blanket into her nest and snuggled up with it after class.

She received things at her dorm every evening after that, except occasionally for the breakfast he would send to her when he knew she hadn’t slept very well.

He had watched her for 2 weeks before the morning that she didn’t show up in her first class period, she always showed up and he was worried now.

After that class he ditched his next lecture and brought his Omega a basket full of snacks and a new blanket as well. He stood around the corner as he always did only to see the door open and get hit by her scent 45 feet away which could only happen in one case…she was in heat.

The fact that she had opened the door at all was concerning and he couldn’t stop the growl that built in his chest at her wonderful scent.

‘Are we ever going to meet or is this going to be our relationship forever?’ She wondered and Klaus winced at the sound of her harsh voice from her heat wreaking havoc on her body. ‘If you don’t want me then stop doing this to me!’ She demanded and Klaus took a breath before looking around the corner and seeing his Omega looking exhausted and leaning against the doorframe. ‘You?’ She questioned and he winced. ‘No! It’s not bad, I just-don’t take this the wrong way but, I didn’t even know you were an Alpha-you’re just so quiet…well come here then! You induced my heat, the least you can do is comfort me!’ Klaus growled, not liking his mates snappy attitude and she seemed to know that as he stood over her, giving her exactly what she wanted in the end which was him being closer though he still stood back only allowing her to hold onto his shirt.

‘Your mouth is going to get you into trouble Omega.’

She peeked up with curious, teasing eyes. ‘Are you gonna punish me while I’m suffering, Alpha?’

He shook his head and tilted her head up with his hand under her chin. ‘You know that I won’t, Alpha won’t hurt you. I-I worried when you weren’t in class…I needed to know that you were alright.’ She nodded, grabbing onto the sides of his jacket and pulling him closer.

‘Such a good Alpha, needed to check on me. So good to me Alpha!’ He felt a rumble expel from his chest in pleasure, knowing that his Omega was recognizing him as being a good Alpha for her. ‘My Alpha takes such good care of me-‘ she brushed a hand up his chest before running it through his hair. ‘Brings me snacks and comfort and scents everything so good for my nest, Alphas so good to me…just me?’

Klaus let out that rumbling sound again, much louder and deeper this time. ‘My Omega! Mine! Knew from the moment I smelled you that no one else could have you! Won’t let them near you ever again, Omega!’ He pulled her against his chest, unable to fight his instincts anymore, needing his Omega in his arms but her hands pressed to his chest, stopping him from scenting her which he instantly grumbled at.

‘My Alpha? No other Omegas anymore, just me…right?’ His head snapped up, suddenly understanding her demeanor and nervous scent.

‘My Omega is all I need, never even thought about another Omega since I smelled your scent, you’re all I want. No worrying about that, and there sure isn’t a line of Omegas looking for a nerdy Alpha-‘

‘My Alphas kind, and sweet, brings me snacks and blankets, takes care of me…and my Alpha is so pretty.’ She complimented, the Omega moving her arms around his neck to pull him close. ‘Omegas steal…I would steal you.’

‘No stealing. I’m all yours…let Alpha have you, let me take care of you. Will you let Alpha help you through your heat?’ She nodded quickly, pulling him down and pressing her lips to his in a needy kiss. Klaus held her close, relishing the feeling of finally being able to hold his Omega and take in her scent, a scent that was slowly killing him. ‘I need to get a few things, I didn’t know you were in heat and I need to take care of you-‘

‘You’re leaving?’ She whined and as he looked down into her eyes he knew he couldn’t go anywhere. He couldn’t hurt her like that and God only knows who she would answer the door to next as her heat gets worse and her head becomes fuzzy.

‘No. No Princess, I’m gonna have stuff delivered, don’t you worry about a thing. You go snuggle up in your nest while I get some stuff brought to us.’ Her eyes lit up and she pulled him close, kissing him hard before she hopped over to her nest, fixing a few things before crawling in allowing Klaus to see all of the things he had scented for her already in her nest making his chest swell with pride and happiness that he could make his Omega happy like a good Alpha.

He quickly had a friend get a bunch of water bottles and snacks for them as well as grab a few things from his dorm for him, telling him to bring it urgently. He also called the Dean to tell him that they both needed to be excused from their classes until his Omegas heat is over which thankfully the school can’t reject, lest they be “prejudiced against Omegas”.

There was a loud knock on the door and Klaus quickly grabbed Y/n before she jumped up. ‘No more answering the door for you, not like this. Your Alpha is here to take care of you now, Princess. Stay in your nest and Alpha will help cool you off.’ His Omega was sweating now, her heat taking hold harder as he was now here with her. ‘Thank you, I owe you one when this is all over.’ He told his dorm mate whose eyes widened as he took in the scent wafting from the room however Klaus knew he was a Beta which is why he asked him to do it specifically, just in case he got bold.

‘You owe me nothing, the smell is worth it.’ Klaus grabbed his things and shut the door quickly, dropping the duffel bag of stuff and quickly plugging in the A/C fan he had gotten to use during his ruts when he desperately needs to cool off.

‘This will chill the room very quickly and you’ll want to snuggle up in your nest just like you should.’ As soon as the cool air began blowing on her she instantly began emitting a soft purring noise that went straight to his cock. Klaus also took his comforter and spread it over the nest to give his Omega more of his scent which she instantly snuggled under, reaching out for him.

‘Alpha, need you.’ He quickly stripped to his boxers and moved to crawl into the nest, pausing as he did, feeling the instant relief and comfort as he slid under the blankets. Klaus had never felt anything so comfortable in his life and his head felt floaty and happy as he got in. He had only heard about how a nest can make an Alpha feel, Alphas never experiencing one unless they have their own Omega.

‘Your nest is wonderful, Omega. Absolutely perfect. Thank you for letting me share it with you.’

‘Always Alpha, always want you in my nest with me. Wanna make you happy.’ She nuzzled her face into his neck and nipped his skin against his scent gland which caused an excited growl he couldn’t supress if he tried.

‘You’re all mine now Omega, never any other Alphas ever again! If they come anywhere near you I’ll rip their throats out.’ There’s something to be said for the strength of an Alpha protecting their Omega and even Klaus who is on the smaller side of being an Alpha could tear apart those football assholes for his Omega once they’ve mated. ‘I need you to tell me now, before you’re too far gone. Do you want me? I’ll stay and comfort you if that’s all you want, it will hurt me but I will do it. I just need you to tell me.’

‘Want you to love me Alpha, please? Need your knot, need it! Don’t keep it from me Alpha, please?’ His eyes widened, not having expected her to beg in such a way.

‘Shh, Alpha would never keep his knot from you, I would never be so cruel. Your Alpha is gonna knot you up so deep you’ll be full of my pups by morning.’ He swore, pulling her top off over her head and seeing she was only left in her red lace panties. ‘So fucking perfect, Omega! Fuck!’

By the time he had completely undressed her she had ripped his boxers off (Klaus thanking the Gods that he had another pair in the duffel bag) and straddled him roughly making him growl, only to flip her back over and grind his hard cock against her slick center. The mewl that she let out was it’s own reward and he loved it as he humped his hips against her roughly before she tugged on his hair. ‘Knot Alpha! Please? Please?!’ She pleaded desperately.

He felt bad for not making it last longer for her but they had all the time in the world and if what his Omega needed was his knot this fast then he would provide it. He pushed his cock into her gently, not wanting to harm his girl at all but she seemed to have other ideas, wrapping around him completely and pushing onto him all at once making her scream. He thrust up into her roughly, keeping up his pace as she raked her nails down his back, the growl she pulled from him clearly making her happy.

‘Knot…please? Knot me Alpha, please?’ She begged.

He wanted so badly to make his Omega finish first, feel her squeeze around his cock almost painfully but he was hanging on by a string and if this is what she needed then he would give it to her. Klaus wrapped an arm around her waist and his other held between her shoulder blades, pressing her against him as hard as he could, thrusting into her twice more before feeling his knot expand within her. Just as he began filling her she clamped down on him and cried out, tightening her grip as she rode out her own end on his knot, Klaus keeping her from moving too much and hurting them both. He didn’t move, knowing that Omegas are extra sensitive at this point and not wanting her to think he’s trying to leave however he lifts her up onto the pillows more, grabbing a bottle of water that he had put on the table and making her drink it.

They stayed there just like that, snuggled up in their own world until his knot went down enough for him to move, ordering them both some food to make sure his Omega ate before it got worse. He was bound to go into rut by morning just being around her scent like this and he needed to ensure they had everything they needed by then and were fully fed.

Klaus hopped up from the nest as there was a knock on the door, pulling on a pair of pajama pants and opening it a bit, assuming it was the food before seeing one of Y/n’s friends-Caroline- standing there with a confused look on her face. ‘Who are you and why are you in her room?’ She questioned suspiciously but as if she hadn’t quite decided anything about him yet.

‘Taking care of my Omega. Now is not the best time, Y/n will be out of class for the week. Her professors already know and I’d appreciate you telling her friends she’ll be out just to keep anyone else from knocking. If you need something text, okay?’ She stopped the door before he could shut it and he instantly disliked the way she batted her eyes up at him. He didn’t want to be near another Omega right now and she was making this so much more difficult. He knew Caroline, she was shallow and greedy, Daddy’s money had always gotten her everything (including a spot in their highly prestigious school) and she always smelled of at least 5 different Alphas.

‘You’re the Alpha that’s been sending her gifts? That’s so sweet! Such a good Alpha…’ she leaned on the door jam and he tried very hard to keep the door as closed as he could but she was making it impossible to do that and not touch her at the same time.

‘Thank you, I do try. I need to get back to my Omega-‘

‘And attentive! So wonderful! I wish I had an Alpha like you.’ She flirted, reaching her hand out to touch his hair and making him step back. He didn’t want to be rude to her friend in anyway but she was pushing this too far.

‘I’m sure you’ll find someone soon, try someone other than idiot football players.’ He suggested. ‘Now please, I need to-‘

‘Oh I definitely plan to try someone else…you smell fantastic, you know that?’ Klaus huffed, rolling his eyes, having had enough before responding at her again.

‘Well you smell like a whore.’ Her eyes widened in shock and her mouth fell open. ‘Yes, I said it, do you think people can’t smell them all over you? You smell like so many Alphas have cum all over you that you may as well have a glory hole in your dorm room door. Maybe if you didn’t smell like 5 different Alphas at a time a nice one would bring you gifts like I did for my sweet Omega whom I would never trade for any other anywhere in the world. Now, Get Out!’ Klaus snarled, using the door to push her before slamming it in her face.

When he got back into the nest Y/n was awake, looking at him in shock. ‘No Alpha has ever passed up Caroline for me.’

‘You were meant to be mine so I should thank them for that. I will always take care of you, I have never been attracted to an Omega like I am to you. You’re mine now, and I’m sorry but I think I definitely just lost you a friend.’ She shook her head.

‘There’s only 4 Omegas in the whole school, she’ll move on or she’ll be alone cause everyone else is going to love you.’ She grinned, snuggling back into his chest and scenting him over again since there was another Omega in the room.

‘Hopefully they’ll love me just a tad bit less.’

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

[inthiseverymoment]

silhouettes emerging: chapter viii

"she Flies with No Fanfare but the Voice of Her Own"

and softly found, now fully realized, finally her mind was free.

iwtv oc, this chapter ~1.8k

reynaldo hahn fans rise

there'll probably be about one or two more chapters left of this. pretty please like reblog lmk what yall think etc etc

enjoyyyyyy

chapter vii fic masterlist

“So. When was enough enough?”

He’d waited to ask this, having studied her face for more than a few moments in the hanging silence of Isabelle’s confession. Blood tears stained her cheeks, and a very tired sort of fury had set itself behind her eyes, as if disappointed that the memories could still elicit this much emotion from her after so many years.

“Enough had been enough for a long, long time, if I’m being entirely honest.”

She collected her thoughts for a moment, then-

“Daniel?”

“...Yeah?”

It was not the first time she had called him by his name, but it certainly felt like it.

“You know how, by human standards-some human standards, at least-you’re supposed to have full mastery over yourself by a certain point? How, these days, if someone you’re with says something awful, all attraction to them is supposed to disappear if you’re a good enough person to simply stop desiring something once you learn it’s wrong? How it’s easy to feel like an awful person for needing to try in order to keep yourself strong?”

He blinked.

“You and I have led very different lives, Ms…Isabelle.”

“Yes, I certainly know that. I never had the space or privilege-or even the opportunity-to go wild and have my fun before learning all my ‘lessons’. From a very young age, I always told myself that I’d be better than those who let jealousy or lust or anything else cloud their souls, and even as I settled into a life of killing to survive among friends who killed for fun, that deeper knowledge-that judgement born of youthful idealism-weighed on me, a lingering burn at the back of my mind. I never had that messy teenage love, never got to get the hormones out of the way while it was still socially acceptable, and then I became eternally stuck at a perpetually guilty, emotionally intelligent but worldly naive, constantly wondering twenty-two.

“I listened night after night as Santiago promised our audiences that the darkest parts of themselves were encouraged here-and, though the audience knew it was all to gain their dollar, I could still feel the relief and release coming from just about every one of them. We were monsters, and so were they; the blemishes on every soul were celebrated for once. That is why the Théâtre des Vampires endured for so long.

“It is not a moral failing to yearn to be seen, but I was…I was not myself. Armand did so much to make me stay, because I think I was the closest thing to healthy he’d ever had-and I was another in his line of those who challenged his structures, who shattered what he’d started growing tired of. A new piece was written for me, everything he thought I wanted: a more earnest meditation on grief and life, a deep burgundy velvet gown and long opera gloves, and a French artsong to boot. And the audiences…”

“Didn’t love it?”

“Not as much as I’d hoped. Édith and I exchanged letters secretly and often, and she said she wished she could have seen it live, but she was one of very, very few. The occasional patch of audience members appreciated it, but most just wanted to get back to the mockery and killing. They all thought I was talented, though.”

She rolled her bottom lip for a moment, as if chewing it in thought without the act itself.

“Talented, but pretentious. It took a remarkable amount of self-control to keep from reading their minds too often; upon first being turned, I loved the opportunity to know what people were truly thinking about my performances, my appearance, me-”

A small twist came into her face here, as if cursing herself for self-centeredness once more, then she almost relaxed out of it-

“But that unlimited bombardment of others’ opinions…we’re not meant to live like that.”

“There’s a hell of a lot about the way we live that I’ll take a guess no one was ‘meant’ to experience,” Daniel said.

“That was another thing I loved about Louis’ perspective. I had so many of those same questions-is our nature inherently evil? How did this all begin in the first place? Are vampires creatures of God if there is one, of the universe, part of the food chain as anything else? Every intricacy of human development-the stages of grief, the growing and decaying of the mind, changing relationships, all that was supposedly meant-what’s the effect of eternity on humanity? So many of our kind have lost it, and I’ve tried, tried to hold on. But something about what Claudia said stuck with me; I’d always known the coven had a sense of ‘vampire pride’, but the way she put it made it seem like any other societally put-down identity, like something to truly celebrate. That’s one way it’s often been looked at in fiction, with the other being the curse that Armand had found it to be before Lestat…Lestated his way into things. I am proud of my power, but I cannot call myself proud of all I did to gain it.”

“And all of this inner turmoil got to be too much after about how long?”

“I don’t know if I’d call it too much exactly, the leaving was…something more noble than that, I’d hope. But this lasted a few years. I made a survival tactic of pushing away all of this questioning, of seeing only what was put in front of me; after a lifetime of trying to stick to a certain sense of morality, I needed some way to let go, so I suppose I just went entirely in the opposite direction. We had our motorcycle hunts, like the one Louis described, and those were heaven: the open sky, the glimpses of the centuries-old buildings we whipped past, our shouts and songs ricocheting through the streets, the half-righteous glory of bleeding dry those wealth-hoarding motherfuckers who turned a thousand blind eyes to the mounting political horror. I had a family. And a few members of that family resented me, a few outright hated me, but I had a wild kind of freedom that I had never felt at home. This was new, deliciously new, and I tried to focus on that feeling because I…frankly, Daniel, although my power grew as the ancient blood simmered and perhaps I could have escaped, part of me didn’t want to give up the intoxication of what I had.”

He nodded.

“Until?”

~

Nineteen Thirty-Eight, Paris, France

This was it.

The horrid and powerful theatre folk of Paris had been slowly extinguished, spaced out enough that suspicion would not find the Théâtre des Vampires, and tonight was the last. Their offense wasn’t quite as unforgivable as a few of the rest, but being condescending towards young artists was being condescending towards young artists, and she and her coven needed to eat.

Tonight would be the downfall of the company owners who had told Isabelle with a smile that she didn’t have herself quite figured out yet.

This one was petty, something in her said, just as petty as her lack of grief upon watching that privileged young bully meet her death all that time ago. It was that, she knew, that had likely been one of the first things to alert Armand to her vampiric potential. And for these years, she had dreamt of what it would be like to witness those vapid, fake-deep hypocrites finally realize that Isabelle de la Rue knew who she was.

What she had not expected was that their haunted gaze from the stage right wing, held in place by Gustave and Estelle, would be the only thing she could think of, boring through flowing masses of perfect auburn curls straight to the ever-present and oft-dismissed burn at the back of her mind.

The artsong that she and Sam had chosen was one praising the inherent beauty of night, fitting for a theater filled with creatures of darkness; and the auditorium, usually restless throughout its duration and eager to return to its crudely mocking laughter, was stiller tonight.

“La lune blanche luit dans les bois; de chaque branche part une voix sous la ramée…”

The white moon shines in the woods; from each branch, a voice emerges under the foliage.

Behind her, projections of trees swayed eerily as animations of glowing eyes between their branches appeared and then disappeared, gone with a breath to leave the audience wondering whether they were truly there at all. The haunting nature of the context gave a striking and oddly beautiful contrast to the peace of the song, and despite herself, Isabelle smiled, relishing one of the few nights that her audience seemed to get it.

It was nights like these that almost let her think she was just another young singer, living her human life’s dream.

Breathing deeply to fuel an upcoming high note, she looked up towards Armand, whose fingers absentmindedly tapped the piano accompaniment on the balcony as he gazed down at her with something close to true admiration.

“Ô, bien aimée,” she floated.

Oh, beloved.

There was love there, that was certain.

So why did this moment of peace feel like a respite, not like the usual course of her days?

She glanced over to the company owners, their faces hollow after their capture with hardly an ounce of the arrogance they had once held. As the piano continued, Isabelle took a moment to search their thoughts-

“L’étang reflète, profond miroir…”

The pond reflects, the deep mirror,-

They barely recognized her.

“...la silhouette du saule noir…”

-the silhouette of the black willow-

They did not recognize her.

“...où le vent pleure…”

…where the wind weeps.

Looking back out to the audience, she halted for a moment, then poured her sigh into her major sixth.

“Rêvons…”

As her vibrato bloomed, there was then a spark that came from one of the minds, that they suddenly had put a name to the face, but Isabelle was beginning to realize…

This is not the triumph I had thought it would be.

“...c’est l’heure.”

It is the hour.

Her face painted even more pale, her finger bound by a lover’s blood that seemed to weigh her hand down more with every passing month, standing cold in the spotlight while hundreds upon hundreds of bodies lay under her feet-

This is not proof that I know who I am.

This is…

This is quite the opposite.

“Un vaste et tendre apaisement semble descendre du firmament que l’astre irise…”

A vast and tender calm seems to descend from the sky of the iridescent star.

She had fancied the idea of leaving many times, but it had always come with a tinge of desperation or loss, of knowledge that that willpower would fade at one smell of rust and makeup backstage or one sound of Armand’s voice.

But as her rich soprano climbed through Hahn’s softly wondrous buildup, she breathed into the beautiful certainty that this time was different.

A liberating bittersweetness filled the air as Isabelle promised through her final notes that they would be her last upon this stage.

“C’est l’heure exquise.”

[pie-bean]

please rank all the peppy bunnies, i’m curious - quenepa

Oh man, a lot of people have probably seen that I like a lot peppy bunnies so this is going to be really hard because I like them all.

Starting from least favorite:

Dotty is very cute and I like her black and white design with the teal ear details. My latest interaction with her was the last time I played the original game not too long ago and she was quite mean to me. >:(

Bunnie has a very warm and nice color palette that makes me think of apples. I know a lot of people find her eyes a bit unsettling but I don't mind them (they also kinda look like apple pits when you think about it, maybe that explains my impression of her). I've never had her on any of my islands or towns.

Chrissy is iconic but it's hard for me to invite her because I also need to have her live with her sister around. I wish you could get them both at once! On her own she's great but I've never had her and I have stronger feelings about the other bunnies.

Carmen was one of my main villagers back in the day when I played Pocket Camp a ton (2019?). I love her colors a lot, she reminds me of mint chocolate and she's quite stylish in general (giving her mint colored glasses looks really good!). She looks like she could be a very fashionable coworker in an office (oh and she definitely has gossip about everyone, look at that smug look of hers)

Gabi is one of my dreamies right now! I haven't had her on any of my islands or towns but she's adorable and feels like she would work great with some of the rural areas I'm working on. She's a bit obscure on social media compared to a lot of villagers but I know I will love having her on my island. If I find her during a villager hunt I'm getting her!

Bonbon is really cute and her cool brown and pink colors look so good. I like bangs on villagers too (controversial maybe?) so I like her hairstyle too. I like that she has a bit of sisterly villager vibes too – she has attitude! The sandals are neat too, very summery. I loved having her on my island.

Pippy is so cute and she looks like she could be a character in a vintage picture book. She has such good colors. The freckles are so adorable too (you might spot a trend here lol). I had her on Toe Bean 2021 and she kept hanging out with my favorite cat villager Tabby. They were so cute walking around and doing activities together. 🥺

Ruby is my favorite villager alongside Molly. I've made like a million posts with her and her space theme is perfect. I also love her expressions including her standard blank neutral stare (she's just like me). I know her stare and red eyes look scary to some people but I like that she's a bit weird, kinda alien looking. One design detail I found super cute is that she has sliightly pink ears and feet that with New Horizons' fur textures makes her look like she's made out of cotton candy. Anyway, it's hard to describe in words but she makes me happy! I want to invite her soon – Toe Bean isn't the same without her.

[cc-nadama]

A Modern Retelling of Viktor

Author’s Note: This style of writing is not representative of my usual work. These are my notes for what I imagine is a modern portrayal of Viktor. In addition, it serves as an outline for future stories I may write that are set in this au. Below, you will find my thoughts and headcanons on the subject.

Expected Content: There are no sexual imagery depicted in this work. However, there are themes of obsession, unhealthy working habits, stalking, and quite possibly, a hint of yandere Viktor.

Pairing: There are multiple relationships mentioned/implied in this work. I will certainly explore my options, perhaps even create poly pairings. However, the main course includes: Viktor x reader, Jayce x Viktor, and Jayce x Mel.

———

Viktor Petrov

— AN OVERVIEW

When he received a scholarship and admittance to the California Institute of Technology (Caltech), Viktor traveled to the United States on a student visa. He is currently majoring in Engineering and Applied Science, with a minor in aerospace engineering.

Originally from the Czech Republic, Viktor is fluent in three languages: Czech, English, and Russian. He had never traveled outside Europe before, so his first months in the States were filled with homesickness. Luckily, there was a place a little ways away from campus that serves decent bramboráky and trdelník. It’s a bit overpriced, but it helped ease his heart when he missed home.

Everyone who knows Viktor swears he is a genius. One look at his GPA and any Asian mother would weep and wish her kid was like him (totally not based on personal experience).

Once he finishes his education at Caltech, Viktor will most likely look for a job at NASA. He aspires to specialize in robotics and work with other complicated machinery—especially if it is space-related.

Viktor lives a few miles away from campus. Jayce Talis, his charismatic roommate, is also a student at the university. He has the same major and classes as Viktor, so they are often together on and off campus.

— PERSONALITY

Viktor is an introvert, but he is not unfriendly. He will engage in class and interact with the other students, but he chooses to keep friendships minimal. It is his choice to be alone, not his lack of socialization. Well, at least that’s what he tells himself to sleep easier at night.

Naturally, Viktor has a rational and objective mind. When he speaks, it is very articulated and blunt, never withholding an ounce of sarcasm when allowed. Oftentimes, people view him as an insensitive or callous man—though it’s mainly because he keeps his emotions checked.

He has a strong work ethic. Viktor is the kind of student to work on a project five months earlier. Almost always, the man is seen in the library studying until midnight, replaying his recordings from the latest lecture to add to his notes.

Speaking of notes, Viktor is a stickler for notes. Even with his unreadable handwriting, it remains meticulous and detailed. He even draws diagrams! Because of this, many of his classmates would borrow his notes—only to learn that they could barely make out a word, let alone a phrase.

When Viktor feels especially sociable, he loves to engage others in spirited debates. He loves a good challenge, specifically if it tests his intellect and reasoning. Whatever the topic is—from scientific to philosophical—Viktor always has a stance. He has an aura of subtle confidence, self-assured in his ways but not to the point of egotism.

In simpler terms, Viktor has Type A tendencies with a 5w4 on the enneagram and an INTJ on the Myers-Briggs

— FLAWS

It is difficult for him to maintain a relationship—platonic or romantic. Oftentimes, Viktor believes it is implausible for someone to like him as a person. He has experienced rejection plenty of times before, so he feels it necessary to end a relationship before it blossoms, fearing that the other person already hates him or is only with him for undisclosed intentions. Although Viktor hates irrationality, he still has irrational fears based from past experiences.

If there is one flaw he is often in conflict with, it’s his discipline. He may be a genius, but Viktor still has trouble setting his limitations. It is an obsessive need that overtakes him—an inkling he cannot exactly ignore. If he feels compelled to work later into the night, he will. If he feels he needs ten shots of espresso, he will buy and drink it. If he feels he has a crush on a certain student, he most likely would… stalk them.

Oftentimes, if left unchecked, his ambitions would blind him. Due to his obsessive tendencies, Viktor would pour all his attention into work and research, neglecting his state of being. If he ever took a break, it was most likely because he was starving, parched, or needed to use the bathroom. Still, it could take days, even weeks, before he returns to sanity and society.

— RELATIONSHIPS

JAYCE TALIS: If they weren’t roommates, Viktor would have never befriended him. Everyone on campus knows Jayce—he is a literal social butterfly—always liked by most students and teachers. Still, Jayce remains a constant in his life. They have partnered on several projects and received stellar reviews. It is obvious that the two of them are great friends. Viktor would never admit it, but Jayce is one of the few people in his life that he actually likes and trusts.

PROFESSOR HEIMERDINGER: Even if the professor won’t say it, everyone knows that Viktor is his favorite. He goes out of his way to support him, always wanting to know what wonderful contraption he has built as of late.

MEL MEDARDA: Initially, only acquaintances, Viktor and Mel later became friends due to their relationship with Jayce. After hours, Mel would drop by the apartment and hang out with Jayce while also displaying an interest in Viktor and his studies. Their relationship is more akin to a sibling relationship, like an older sister and a kid brother.

READER: Another student in Caltech who takes the same classes as him. Within a matter of days, Viktor became infatuated with you. Every time you entered the lecture hall, you could see the man stiffen in his seat—blankly staring at you then embarrassingly looking away. It was sweet, knowing that you had caught his attention. Not many of your classmates could say the same thing. Viktor was quiet during class, only speaking unless spoken to or if he was keen on answering a question. Yet, it came as a surprise to you when you received a single rose on your doorstep—you never told anyone about your address.

— INTERESTS

Even as a kid, Viktor loved Star Trek. He dreamt about the plausibility of interstellar travel and the intricacies of warp drive. He spent nights imagining himself working in the engineering deck and tinkering with transporters. Almost single-handedly, the franchise inspired him to become an engineer—to work with the complexities of science and invent something anew. If he had to pick a character as his favorite, Viktor would select—without a doubt—Lieutenant Commander Data. His ongoing arc of seeking human connection in spite of his inability to understand human emotion—was what endeared Viktor. In many ways, he had the same troubles as the android. People viewed him differently because of his disability and brilliance. Like Data, their uniqueness was both a gift and a curse.

If he has no plans for the weekend, Viktor would spend his day playing chess against himself or Jayce. Naturally, they would take turns being white, often forgoing the use of a timer—unless they were feeling competitive that day—and play a few games while talking about life. If Viktor was playing white, he often opens with a pawn on e4 and then implements the first moves of the Spanish Opening (knight on f3 and bishop on b5). If Viktor was playing black, he would use the Tarrasch Variation of the French Defense, with 1. e4 e6, 2. d4 d5, 3. Nd2 c5. Although it is not exactly aggressive, Viktor focuses more on positional play.

(I am not a chess player, but I watched a few videos from GothamChess and live feeds from Magnus Carlsen and Hikaru Nakamura for research)

His taste in music varies on his mood. However, Viktor favors the classical and contemporary genres the most. He is especially fond of composers such as Tchaikovsky and Chopin, and jazz musicians such as Stan Getz and David Benoit. He does experiment with other genres, but faithfully, he returns to his favorites after a long day in the laboratory.

———

[inawickedlittletown]

We've Got A Long Way To Go (BuckTommy) 10/?

Summary: A few months after the break up, Buck picks up a call that changes everything. Tommy has his own regrets, and an unexpected meeting and a change in Buck's life will bring them together. Fix-it fic. Words: 2.2k Read on Ao3 Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine

-

Chapter Ten

Lucas was silent the whole drive over. Buck had been a little worried about awakening memories or feelings about the accident once he got him into the new car seat that Hen and Karen had procured for him. Hen had even gone through the trouble of putting it in his car. But, whether it was because he was worn out from crying or just good in a car, the drive was peaceful. He did look a little more curious once Buck took him out of the carseat. 

“This is going to be home for a little while,” Buck told him. “Now that I have you, I might have to find a bigger place, but that’s a problem for another day.” 

Buck had just made it to the elevator when Hen and Karen arrived. Karen still had the stuff from the hospital, including the bag Buck had packed up the day before. Hen had her own box. 

“Parking here is awful,” Hen said. “No issues on the drive?” 

“None,” Buck said. 

“That’s good,” Karen said. “He’s not scared of cars.” 

“So far,” Buck said. “You know, it gives me hope that he doesn’t remember what happened.”

Once they got up to the loft, Karen let out a whistle. “Someone’s prepared,” she said. “I’m impressed.” 

She and Hen dropped everything they’d been carrying off by the blocked stairs. 

“I didn’t do any of this,” Buck admitted as he walked further into the apartment. “Lucas, this is your new home.” 

Lucas didn’t say a thing, but he did touch Buck’s arm repeatedly until Buck put him down. 

“Where are you planning on having him sleep?” 

“Honestly, I have no idea. I guess I could probably fit a toddler bed upstairs. Right now I figure we can share until I figure out all those details. Bed’s big enough.” 

He kept an eye on Lucas who had decided that he could explore a little. He didn’t go very far and seemed to always look back at the adults. His teddy bear was clutched in his arms the whole time. Buck wished that he’d had time to set up some kind of play area for him, but as it was there had hardly been any time to do anything. 

“You’re going to have to figure that out quick,” Karen said. “Before your social worker comes out to do a check.”

“Right,” Buck said. “Ms. Pike did say she’d be in touch.” 

He’d been happy to see Hen and Karen that morning. He had almost expected Maddie or Bobby to show up too, but it seemed like maybe they had coordinated so Lucas wasn’t overwhelmed by them all. Buck was thankful for that. He was also happy to let Hen and Karen start to unpack everything that everyone had brought for him and Lucas. 

“Oh, the outfits are always so cute,” Karen said. “Where are you going to put all of this?” 

“I haven’t thought that far ahead,” Buck said, still watching Lucas who had wandered towards the living room. 

He was just about steady on his feet, but he still did wobble a little and the cast didn’t seem to be making matters easier on him. What he did was look adorable and Buck couldn’t help but grab his phone and take a picture of his back. Then another. Yet another when he turned. 

“Yeah, that phone is going to need a bigger memory,” Hen said. 

Once they got into the toys, Lucas was lured back to them and he was excited to play with everything, so Buck made some space for him on the floor and Hen spread a blanket out for him to sit on and then volunteered to play with him which at least gave Buck time to figure out with Karen where to stash everything. 

“You did well,” Karen told him when they got upstairs with all the clothes. 

“With what?” 

“Telling him about his parents.”

Buck cleared one of his drawers out for Lucas’ clothes. “Do you think he understood?” 

Karen gave a nod. “Kids understand more than you think, they also don’t have the same hang ups when they’re that young. You’re taking care of him, he already seems to trust that. He’ll be just fine.”

“I hope so,” Buck said.  

They heard a giggle from downstairs and the low murmur of Hen’s voice. 

“Come on, let’s finish this up,” Karen said. 

With everything put away in a logical place and a list created by him and Karen on things he might still need, they headed back down. 

“Come here, dad,” Hen called to him. 

Toys were scattered everywhere, but Lucas’ attention was on a wooden activity block where he was moving beads. He looked up when Karen and Buck approached, but focused back on the toy a moment later. 

“Everything put away?” Hen asked. 

“For now,” Karen said. “I told him he can’t expect this place to ever be clean again.

Hen laughed. “That’s for sure.” 

She got up, then. “I think it’s time we get out of your hair, Buck. You and the little guy need all the time you can get to bond and get to know each other. But if you need anything at all, call one of us. We’re moms, we’ve probably dealt with everything before and we know how scary it is to bring your kid home for the first time.” 

“We hardly wanted to take Denny out of the car seat the first time we brought him home,” Karen said.

“It’s scary, but you don’t really have a lot to fear, and it all just takes time and practice.” 

Hen and Karen both said their goodbyes to Lucas. Buck hugged them both at the door. After they were gone, he turned to find that Lucas had left the blanket. For a moment, Buck felt himself panic. How far could he have gotten?

“Lucas?”

He rushed towards the blanket and immediately spotted him in the living room trying to climb onto the couch but failing. 

“Hey there, you need help?” 

Buck picked him up but set him down on the couch. 

“Did you get tired of playing?”

Lucas nodded. Buck glanced at the time. 

“What about hungry?”

He received another nod. It was going to take a few days for them to get on some kind of schedule when it came to feeding times. Maddie had bought a few toddler friendly things at least and Bobby had expressed some interest in cooking stuff geared towards a kid. Like Hen said, it was going to take time. Buck had plenty of it. Bobby had already submitted all his paperwork for leave, so he had a bit of time to really settle into his new role as Lucas’ dad. After that they would have to adjust yet again. He was going to need to ask Maddie about Jee-Yun’s daycare. 

Buck turned on the tv, glad that Jee-Yun being around at his loft often enough had made him aware of all the different kid shows. Bluey seemed a safe bet, so he put that on. Lucas made a noise that sounded happy. 

“Oh, you like Bluey? Remember Jee-Yun? It’s her favorite.” 

Lucas was already entranced watching the tv. 

After getting him some child friendly food, Lucas fell asleep right there on the couch. He was too cute. Buck took a few pictures. He sent them to the group chat.  

-

Tommy received what had to be the cutest picture Evan had ever sent him in the whole time he’d known him. It made him sit in his car and stare at his phone until Melton knocked on his window. Tommy rolled it down. 

“You’ve been sitting here for ten minutes. What’s going on?” 

“Oh. I didn’t realize it was that long,” Tommy said. 

“I was exaggerating,” Melton said with a chuckle. “What’s going on, Tommy?” 

Tommy turned his phone and showed Melton the picture. Evan was holding a tired looking Lucas who was clutching his teddy bear. They were sitting in Evan’s bed and Evan was smiling that smile that said he was actually content. Tommy missed that smile.

“Cute kid,” Melton said. 

“Yeah,” Tommy said, sighing wistfully.

“Your ex is cute too,” Melton said. “I didn’t know he had a kid.” 

“It’s recent,” Tommy said. “Like, brought him home today recent.”

Melton raised an eyebrow. “And he’s sending you pictures? I thought you broke up months ago.” 

Tommy dropped his phone on his lap. He groaned. “We did. Ran into him and now I just can’t seem to get over it. Over him.” 

“If I didn’t have to get home, I’d go and get a drink with you,” Melton said. “As is, all I can say is that if you’re on good terms with the guy and you still have feelings for him, it might be worth it to tell him and talk everything out.” 

“And complicate his already complicated life even more?”

Melton pursed his lips. “Everyone’s lives are complicated. Does him having a kid change things for you?” 

“No.” 

“Alright, so what is the issue?” 

“I broke up with him,” Tommy said. “I was…I ran, alright? I had a good thing and I ran because it was never going to last and now he has a kid and maybe all my reasons and all the things I told myself were just excuses. I should be there with him, helping him transition into being a father, but I broke up with him.”

“So be there for him,” Melton said. 

As if it could be that simple. He didn’t know how Evan would react if Tommy just showed up and asked if they could try again. It was not going to be that simple. Evan had been hurt and Tommy had been the one doing the hurting. Evan had a kid that needed his attention. Tommy was a mess that couldn’t add to all the weight that Evan was already carrying on his shoulders.

Melton pulled his phone out and typed something out. “I can be a little late,” he said. “Tommy, I’ve known you a long time now. You are hardly an open book, but the last few months we’ve all noticed how you’ve clammed up even more. The person you need to talk to is Buck. Maybe the timing is horrendous because he’s a new dad, but maybe you’re also helping ease something for him too. Maybe he needs to talk about it too.”

Evan had been baking instead of reaching out to Tommy, except that last night he had called Tommy and they talked about Connor and Kameron and avoided any topic that brought them too close to talking about their relationship or the break up. Was that how it would always be? Them avoiding talking about their relationship and the break up entirely to keep some sort of peace? 

“Maybe,” Tommy said. 

Melton shook his head. “Or, go to a bar or a club and pick up a rebound and get over him. Move on. You gotta do something, Tommy, or this is going to fester and only make everything worse for you. For him if you’re trying to stay friends. Even for that adorable kid.”

His phone vibrated and Tommy grabbed it at once. Another picture. This time it was just Lucas passed out on Evan’s bed, a soft looking blanket covering him. He wanted to be there so badly. It was the longing that hurt. This deep longing that made Tommy’s stomach churn. 

“Do you love him?” 

Melton’s question snapped Tommy’s eyes to him. “I hardly know Lucas.”

“Tommy.” 

It wasn’t easy to get the word out, but he forced it out, “yes.” 

“So do something about it,” Melton said. 

He watched Melton get into his car and leave, so he did the same. He didn’t head to his house, though, instead he drove to Evan’s apartment. There was no parking anywhere and Tommy laughed until he found a spot a few blocks away. The walk helped to clear his head, and he didn’t allow himself to turn back. He had no idea what Evan would do when he knocked on his door, but he had to. They had to talk. 

Maybe it was really bad timing, but if Evan was still feeling anything at all when it came to the break up, then it was probably weighing on him too. Maybe they didn’t get back to what they had before, but it was better than talking around the subject. It was better than never addressing it at all. 

He made his way up, taking the stairs to prolong it and then walked the hall to Evan’s door and knocked twice. 

Tommy shoved his hands in his pockets, rocked on his feet and waited. Maybe he should have called ahead. Maybe Evan had someone else there — Maddie or Bobby or anyone else. Maybe he was interrupting. He heard footsteps and then the door opened.

It brought him back at once to all the other times, how excited he’d felt every time he stood at that door waiting to be let in or for Evan to come out. How Evan had greeted him every time with a welcoming smile and a kiss. That wasn’t happening this time. 

“Tommy,” Evan said, cocking his head. “What uh…what are you doing here?” 

Evan was in a loose t-shirt and sweatpants, he looked warm and relaxed. Cute. Tommy wanted to pull him into his arms and never let go. 

“Hi,” Tommy said. “Do you think this is a good time to talk?”

[space-station-nursery]

🛰️⸝⸝Welcome to the Space Station Nursery 🪐

☆ ・Personal info ! ˖ ˒

🦊Little Dipper︰Hi! im Finn, also Finnegan, finny fox, fishy finn, and more to my closest friends and moots! Im 21 and my pronouns are They/Them! My timezone is CST. I like Bubby, jay, baking and cooking, playing games, reading (by myself and with bubby) making decor stuff and making custom things! Blues clues !!! if you see a blues clues ask from an anon, its probably me.

Dislikes︰I HATE Bugs, bugsbugsbugs. Being confronted(confrontation), purposely being misgendered, having my boundaries disrespected, bubby or jay being purposely misgendered, bugs and uh-…. i think thats it lol

🦌 Big Dipper︰Hi im FD, im 21 (22 in august) and my pronouns are He/Him. My timezone is MST. I LOVE BABI BEAR, our friends, gaming, cars, anything that has moving parts, reading and watching crime stuff, watching movies and playing games with babi and our friends, and really love the flash as well!

Dislikes︰I dont like icky people coming to talk to babi and i (i dont really like talking to people in general), People misgendering babi or my friends or being rude towards them, and i dont like when people disrespect my boundaries I also dont like the idea of sitters because so many people in the community that we have encountered have bad intentions, but there's nothing else i can think of rn

☆ ・Space station boundaries ! ˖ ˒

Combined︰We are engaged and not seeking romantic or platonic littles/cgs! Dms open for anyone +16 or -26. If interested, interact with our posts, as random messages can be uncomfortable. If you would like to be moots/friends, please at least interact with our posts first

🦊Little Dipper︰Please use tonetags when directing asks towards me. Please Ask before DM-ing me on my personal blog @babis-little-corner and i will let you know! If you notice I interact with something not SFW, please let me know! Do not use any nicknames in asks/dms unless we are close/moots. My CG doesn't appreciate people we are not close with trying to call me things like "little one" "cutie" etc, and quite Franky neither do I...

🦌 Big Dipper︰Please Do not ask me to be your cg, I’m Happily caring for Finn and only Finn, I don’t have all that many boundaries just don’t do anything that’s gonna upset Finn and you’re alright with me!

☆ ・Dark Matter DNI ! ˖ ˒

Whats a DNI? These are "Do not interact" boundaries, this means that if your blog meets any of these criteria you may be blocked\banned\removed from a persons socials. Below are my DNI's so make sure to read them!

・Are anti-agere/agedre(or petre/petdre), an NSFW blog/"SFW" kink blogs like Dd!g/abd!/md!b and other variants. Are an 18+ only blog, Terf, etc. Anything that you would not show a child does not belong here ・Bigoted individuals or peoples that believe in Anti-LGBTQIA+, Pro-ana, Pro-SH, Anti-recovery, MIKs or MAPs, Extreme left/right views, Pro-life, Pro-war, transmed, Pro-mia, Anti-Neos/Xenos. ・Over the age of 27. While you could be a regression blog, and completely SFW, individuals over the age of 27 can become a trigger due to my PTSD. Minors are always welcome, although we will most likely not follow back ・Are a blank blog. This means no banner, profile pictures, posts or names. Blogs like those tend to become a problem and we don't wish to deal with it.

We will block liberally

☆ ・Rover Regression info ! ˖ ˒

🦊 Little Dipper︰I am a flip-leaning regressor, regressing from 0-4. I am a sleepy but bubbly regressor, mostly using items like pacifiers. Despite my trauma, I can regress for small periods of time while assisted, but its a great start and hopefully when FD and I live together it'll boost my regression more!

🦌 Big Dipper︰I am Finns CG, and I love my babi bear! I do everything I can to make sure they feel safe and comfy here when regressing, as well as when they aren't

Sitter views︰We do not see sitters as something either of us would want to be apart of unless it was us sitting for/being sat by someone we know very well. My current sitter is @sleeplessjunkie Who generally just regresses with me when bubby is gone while we play games !!!! We will either talk a lot or not at all, and thats ok bc talk is hard! (we're both autistic)

☆ ・Solar System Sillies ! ˖ ˒

Posting schedule ish︰(Finn has a problem with keeping ideas up, so im going to try and reduce the amount of things being posted by me!)

✩⸜⸜ Affirmation Monday ✩⸜⸜ Text post Tuesday ✩⸜⸜ Worksheet Wednesday ✩⸜⸜ Reblog Thursday ✩⸜⸜ Funday Friday ✩⸜⸜ Refresh Saturday ✩⸜⸜ Shoutout Sunday

Our anon list!︰✨, (☀🐝), 🩷, 🍥, 🦭, 🦝

Send us an ask to claim an emoji and show up here! <3

Linkies!︰

Pronouns Page ⸜⸜ Finns pronouns Instagram ⸜⸜ Alphabet Paci's Shop Agere twitch ⸜⸜ Alphabet Soup The Hundred Acre Woods (discord)⸜⸜ Discord.gg/hundredacrewoods Littlewavez (discord)⸜⸜ Discord.gg/Littlewavez

🛰️ ⸜ ⸜ Thank you for reading! - The space station team ! (tags below)

[igglemouse]

authors note: ignore the day, it's wednesday!

It's me again! Yep, still very pregnant and like usual craving pancakes as if my life depends on the. They are a good way to start a Wednesday morning, I guess they are a good way to start any morning. Stacked fluffy syrupy goodness!

As for my past well, life is all about moving forward, right? So let's do that. Not talking about my past and no dragging up my history with former and now very dead drug lords. Whatever happened in Selva stays in Selva and that's where I'd like to leave it.

Oh, you want to know if I feel guilty about it? Of course not. It was either me or him and as far as I'm concerned I've saved so many lives by eliminating that man from humanity. The world is better for it. Still...the blood...

"Wow, you are...scowling?" I remark in a somewhat tentative tone. It's rare to see Pascal's face twisted like this. Furrowed brows, dark eyes fixed on the plate as if it had wronged him, and without a word he's stuffing my glorious pancakes into his mouth. Not even savoring how perfectly made they were. It feels like he's just here to eat and nothing else but I can't help but ask; "Everything okay?"

His jaw tightens on a mouthful of food and I can see his adams apple drop as he swallows it as if he's a snake, ready to strike. "Did you see what they were saying about me last night?"

I blink. Of course I did not. As you know I do not follow fútbol. So I give my head a little shake. "No?"

This man kicks a ball for a living and I still do not get it. The world cares so much on every pass, every kick, every tackle, every card, and for me it is just a game. One he's going to make a lot of simoleons playing yet still. At least it brings me to the present and away from my past.

"On social media they-" he starts, still pissed, but I aim to cut him off before he gets going.

"Mi querido, you really can't worry about what others are saying about you, random people. Most of those guys probably wish they were you. None of it is true-"

"If you saw my recent games maybe you'd know some of it is true," after that he goes quiet and clearly wants the conversation to end so it does.

Since moving in with Pascal I've learned that when he is in a bad mood the best thing I can do is give him space and let him be. He likes to stew or better yet, he likes to work out his anger. Which is exactly what he does after breakfast but this time he's juggling the ball instead of taking it out on the now overused treadmill.

I spend some time cleaning the place since it's getting a little dirty and dusty and I do refuse to live in a dirty place!

So you could say my day was off to a so-so start. Nothing terrible but nothing amazing either. I expected the rest of the day to move along as usual and basically just be a buffer before the big day comes. You know, delivery day.

Unfortunately, it was not going to be a great day because the moment I opened my mailbox there was a letter addressed to me and letting me know that since I do not have a permit to operate my food stand in the park that I could no longer do so.

That's odd. It was pretty visible and no one stopped me then but I think we all know what this is about and who is behind this. Not sure there is much I can do. I could get a permit and open it back up but I really don't need this right now so consider the matter tabled.

But the day continues on, like it always does, indifferent to how I'm feeling and I'm feeling very hungry of course. I'm happy to dive into more pancakes and another meal as my mind is restless. Thinking and planning and worrying. She's close, I can feel it, she's just as restless, likely planning her own escape and I hope and pray to the watcher that she's ready for the world.

Across the table there is Pascal. Firmly seated and glued to his computer and his fingers tip tapping quickly on the keyboard. It sounds like he's replying and likely to a troll. I hope not. Word of advice, trolls live under the bridge and their entire goal is to stop you from crossing it. They are stuck there, under the bridge, hoping that you stop long enough so they can pull you off your path.

I scoot over to him, grabbing his attention with just my presence but his eyes are still locked on the screen so I clear my throat to take all of his attention. Once I have it I tell him about the situation with my food stand, the bad news and the uncertainty of what I will do moving forward. I'm thankful I have him because if I were still living alone I'd be in deep trouble. His response to it all is a little concerning.

"You're going to be a mother right?" He says, as if that just explains it. As if the rest of my life is so obvious now. "I doubt you'd have time for that thing any ways."

I am blinking at him and sitting up a little straighter and doing my best to take in what he's just said to me. "Time? It's not just 'that thing' to me, it's my passion!" Oh, my voice wavers a little, so I have to stop to make sure this doesn't turn into an argument. "Y-yes, you're right, I'll be a mama first, always, but that doesn't mean I can't do other things too."

Now it is his turn to look surprised, as if he would never suggest such a thing although he literally just did. "Oh, Frida, I didn't mean it like that," and for a moment I believe him to be innocent.

"Yeah," I begin again. Softer now, forgiving what I hope to be a slip up. "It's just...I was really enjoying it! It was mines. It was a testament to my drive and..." I stop and think about it. I could bring it back. Maybe one day I will but perhaps this is a sign too? "I think I'll start a SimTube channel. Martin can't take that away from me and-"

Pascal raises a brow and I realize this might be the first time he's heard of this plan of mine. "Oh? Why is that? Wouldn't that also take a lot of your time?" His tone isn't harsh or anything but the words still worry me. What is trying to say here?

"Y-yes," I stammer, quietly wondering if the question is innocent or if it should concern me. "But again, I don't want to be just a mother, you know? I still want to advance my career, my culinary career, you know?" I ask hoping he understands, giving him another chance.

"I just don't get it," he says but there is a soft edge to his tone now. This is something I didn't expect. Maybe the trolls have him frustrated? "I'm going to sign a new and bigger contract soon so you really don't have to work at all."

I think my heart skips a beat. He did just say that, right? Younger me wouldn't have had an issue with it. Oh no, not at all. The idea of some professional athlete picking me up off the streets and providing everything for me sounds nice. Sounds perfect. Oh and by younger me I mean me a year ago. Now? Well, now I know I can survive by myself. I appreciate he's going to be rich some day but still I want to me more than just his sidekick.

"Oh?" so my reply starts off snappy. "And what will I do with all that time?"

"I dunno?" he mutters in such a nonchalant way that it kind of ticks me off. "I just hear being a mom is a full time job so why have two? Just a suggestion, that's all."

But no, that's not all. I don't like his attitude towards this and so instead of letting the conversation get dropped I pick it up. "So you just want me here taking care of your children and home or-"

"Well Frida," Pascal is not bothered by my annoyed tone at all. "I'm going to be a world class athlete. Seems like its a privilege I'm offering," I'm about to say something because that feels almost like an insult to me. "It's not like that, I promise. Just saying! I think your first priority should be to our child and then the culinary stuff comes after, right?"

"Yeah..." I say glaring at him because he's right. A mother's first priority should be to her child, that is true, but isn't it true for the father as well? "I'm going to start a Simtube channel," I say with some determination.

He shrugs and smiles as if it makes no difference to him.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. That red flag is so big that it could cover a field but...it's just words, in the end, and no one is perfect.

I'm going to have this baby soon, VERY soon, and I'm driven to give her something I've never had. A family.

Frida Varela Index ~ Episode 8.3

[towriteloveontheirarms]

You know I have no choice (JJ Maybank x Kook!Reader)

synopsis: You love him more than anything or anyone, but no matter how much you wish you could stay with him, it can never be. Not like this.

warnings: angst, break up, mentions of weed, mentions of difficult relationship with parents, afab reader

word count: 1.6k

taglist: @hopelesswritergall

(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

A/N: Thank you @valeskafics for making me cave and finally start watching obx, simply by posting your Rafe stories. I love you babes!💜

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

It had been the longest week in your life, you think as you plop down on your bed after coming home after a very tense dinner with your parents. Not that things had been any different ever. Especially after they had found out your friends were poor, because God forbid you had friends you liked. Everything sure did a turn for the worse when your mother found the smallest amount of weed and the pill, as well as some condoms hidden away in one of your drawers. What followed was a catastrophic afternoon that ended in you being grounded like a small child “Until you learned to behave and found friends that were fitting of your social standing.” Your fathers’ words not yours, obviously.

´I miss you so much. It´s so boring here without you and the others around.´ Your fingers fly over the keyboard of your phone to send a message to JJ. He had snuck into your room every day for the past week, but it just wasn´t the same as hanging out with him, Kie, Pope and John B all day doing whatever.

´I miss you too, pretty girl. It´s not the same without you here.´ Came his answer in a matter of seconds. Making you wonder once again how he could answer you so fast every time, yet loving it nonetheless.

´Are you coming by again later?´ You ask him hopefully, though the answer was already clear.

´Wouldn´t let you go to bed without a good night kiss, would I? You chuckle at the text, practically being able to hear him say the words in that teasing way only JJ could.

´I´m already counting the minutes.´ You add a mouth emoji before sending the text, biting your lower lip at the thought of laying in JJ´s arms, even if it was only for a couple of hours. Ever since you couldn´t hang out every day anymore your body began to crave his touch like nothing else and without the chance to always have at least one of his arms around you… it would be a lie to say it wasn´t becoming a problem.

With a huff you turn around in your bed, to face the window, with no idea what to do to kill the time until your parents went to bed fastest.

In the end you settle for mindlessly scrolling on your phone. A state that is broken by a few pebbles hitting your window. Finally. He was here. You open the window and watch the messy blond hair of JJ appear in it, seconds before the golden retriever of a person lands in your room.

“Jayj…” You whisper and fall into his already open arms, hugging him as tightly to you as humanly possible.

“Hey, pretty girl.” JJ rasps in your ear and kisses the crown of your head.

Without leaving his grasp for even a second, you manoeuvre the two of you over to lay back down on the mattress and bury your face in the space where his shoulder and neck met.

“I missed you so so much. You have no idea.” Your words are muffled by the pale skin.

“I might.” The blond chuckles lightly.

“You have to promise that you´ll never leave me alone again. Not even for one second.” You are dead serious in your words, even thought that could never come true as long as you lived with your parents.

“I promise, doll.” The air that releases from his lungs as he makes the impossible promise moves hair that is mussed on the top of your head from cuddling so close.

You fall into a comfortable silence. However, the peaceful moment between the two of you doesn´t last much longer than that. Your parents must have been awake still or somehow you were too loud and woke them up. You can´t explain how it happened, but only moments later the door to your room bursts open to them staring daggers into the two of you.

You don´t have to look up to know that you are royally fucked. Yet you are still surprised by how truly fucked you were. What you had thought they would give you as a punishment was more grounding and their usual bullshit about how the pogues weren´t the right people to associate yourself with. Well, at least you´re only half wrong about that one. Your mother pulls you out of bed and away from JJ, downstairs to the living room, but even from there your voices get transferred upstairs to a very confused and quite frankly scared JJ. And though he doesn´t understand every single word that is being said, the blond knows there would be nothing good coming out of this.

Downstairs you have a hard time fighting the scalding hot tears that burn in your eyes, sitting across your parents with crossed arms and a restlessly bouncing leg as they go on and on about your poor choice in company for the thousandth time. This time something is different though. You feel it before they say it and then your mother makes the outrageous demand.

“You will break up with that boy now and you won´t ever see any of them again!”

“Or what?” You yell back at her. “What do you want to do? I´m old enough to decide who I want to be friends with on my own.”

“You may think you are old enough, but you know nothing of the world. So, either you do as we say or you are no longer a child of ours. Do you understand me young lady?” Your mother´s words are a kind of cold that sends a shiver down your spine. She and your father look at you like they never have, and it hurts like a knife to the heart. Your mother raises a questioning eyebrow at you, waiting for an answer of any kind. Either decision would seal your fate to a path of hurt and unluckily for JJ, your parents were years of manipulation ahead of his positive influence.

“Can I at least do it outside, in private?” You sigh, reverting your eyes to the ground as you give in to the outrageous demand. A stoic nod of the head was your only indication that your request was granted.

Leading JJ outside by his hands and sitting down with him on the step to the front porch, has your stomach swirling with something akin to the feeling of leading a beloved dog into the yard to throw it´s ball one last time as a distraction before having to shoot it. Like in the movies.

His large hands holding yours feel so bittersweet and you don´t even dare to look into his eyes in fear of what would come from it. It feels like eternity that you struggle to find words that would hopefully hurt him the least, but in the end, you just blurt out a weak “I´m sorry, Jayj.”

The first tears spill over as you do so, burning their way down your cheeks.

“Don´t say you´re sorry, please. Nothing good ever comes after I´m sorry.” JJ´s own tearful voice quietly rings through the night.

You lean your forehead against his, like you so often had before, feeling him near for probably the last time ever.

“Please don´t make this harder than it already is. You know I have no choice.” Your voice breaks miserably as you try to hold yourself together as much as possible. An intention that fails just as miserably as your voice does, when he cups your burning cheeks in his warm hands.

“We can make it work. We always made it work so far.” JJ tries to bargain. Placing little, pleading pecks to your lips and all over your face in the hopes of changing your mind.

“How could we possibly? We got lucky with how things turned out this time. I don´t want to know what would happen the next time we get caught.” You hold onto his face too now. Daring to look up into his wet puppy eyes and your heart breaks into a million little pieces.

“But… I love you, pretty girl…” With every word exchanged between the two of you, the grip on each other’s face turns more desperate. Eager to ingrain the feeling of the other into your mind. Every little detail about the other every little feeling you felt while you held each other, even if it had turned bitter now. Even if you hated yourself more than ever for doing this.

“I love you too, Jayj. I will always love you, nothing and no one will ever change that. But I… I just can´t keep doing this to you. You deserve better than to be forced to sneak around and only have a few limited moments. You deserve everything. You deserve the world and I just can´t give that to you like this.” As much as JJ wants to beg and bargain with you, he knows that you are right. As long as you were in this situation, there would be no way for you two to be together in peace. And it wasn´t fair, but when was life ever.

The two of you are silent as you let the harsh reality set in. The sounds of your sobbing and the occasional car driving past are the only sounds around you two and for the fist time since you had met the blond, time seems to fly in his presence. There was no longer a bubble shielding you from the world around, only harsh reality all around you caving in steadily and robbing you of your last breath.

In the end there is nothing left to do, but to share one last kiss. One last lingering proclamation of love to seal your betrayal to the one person that truly loved you and the only person you would ever love. You don´t even get granted the relief of all-encompassing numbness as JJ slips from your touch.

[asimplearchivist]

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓛𝓲𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓻𝔂

𝐂𝐇. 𝐕𝐈𝐈 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍, 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍. 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐕 𝐨𝐟 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.

[𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓼𝓽'𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽] [ 𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐃𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ] [ AO3 | SPOTIFY | PINTEREST ] summary ✨ ⤏ keeping herself busy will only get eliana so far. she should've known better. pairing(s) ✨ [tba] word count ✨ 2.9k a/n ✨ [header credit] | [divider credit] ⤏ this took. forever. and was completely unplanned. my apologies and enjoy. ✨ MASTERPOST ✨ ✨ PREVIOUS CHAPTER ⤎ ✨ ⤏ NEXT CHAPTER [TBA] ✨

Eliana had long since learned how to keep herself busy.

Fortunately, the novelty of living in the same space as the supposed “Hero of Time” (a moniker which Eliana had attempted to discourage heavily with only a modicum of success) seemed to wear off for the most part the day after she officially moved into the Guild. She stayed quiet, kept her head down, and humored the apprentices as much as her limited social battery allowed. It helped, once they realized that she was just another person like they were (albeit thrust into extraordinary circumstances and forced to contend with Legends and Myths alike across time and space…not that she liked to dwell on any of that), and, by the second day, they were greeting her with beaming grins and warm ‘good morning’s after the morning address.

It made melting into the shadows that much easier. It was an old glove that fit well, to cling to the sidelines while the others conducted their business, absorbed into their own little worlds. Eliana’s involuntary and unintended fame had faded to the wayside for the most part after she and Lu had graduated and worked their way into relative obscurity. But now, to be inadvertently thrust back into it, she relied upon the methods she’d utilized when she’d first washed ashore in the past, a fresh amnesiac, and discovered by Lu: immersing herself behind his blinding, bright presence.

It worked, as it did before. Most people didn’t even pay her much mind if they spoke to Lu, too preoccupied by the Aura Pokémon’s warm demeanor and composed manner. It helped that Eliana only involved herself in matters about which she knew extensively, mostly dismissing herself from conversations that didn’t involve her realm of expertise (which was, admittedly, a very particular niche within the Federation’s fields of study). She completed the tasks that Lu assigned her without a word of complaint, oftentimes losing herself in the work for the quiet that it brought her noisy mind.

She ran errands. She dusted and trimmed and rearranged the Guild’s interior. She even took on the monotony of the minutiae that Lu hadn’t mentioned that needed tending, all to avoid the looming project she wished she could avoid, or at the very least delegate to someone else. Although…she supposed it was inevitable that she would run out of things to occupy herself, as persistent as she was to ensure the completion of her ‘daily chores’, as they were. Which meant that the job of reorganizing the library reached the height of priority far sooner than she would’ve preferred.

That morning, while sharing a quick breakfast before he would have to take a quick venture into the countryside to visit one of the nearby communities dotting the coastline, Lu seemed to sense her unease, since she had updated him on her progress accordingly.

“That’ll be quite a bit of work for one person,” he carefully edged around the elephantine specter in the room that the entire situation posed. “And given your limitations, I figured some help would be appreciated, so I asked Team Serenity to do it. They’ll return to the Guild once they conclude their morning routine around town.”

Eliana blinked at him, chewing on the last nanab berry. She figured it would be selfish to ask that he reassign the duty to someone else, especially given the workload that the apprentices already carried on top of their ever-rigorous training. She wouldn’t complain. She had offered to help, and she was at least partially that Lu was treating the delicate matter as generically as he would anything else regarding the tenuous context about which the belly of the Guild reminded her; ignoring the bad memories associated with that room might assist her to repress (and, ideally, forget) them in the long run. She’d just have to grit her teeth and bear it, like all the other unpleasantries with which she’d been forced to suffer throughout her life, both here and in her world of origin. It would be no worse than having to dig all the mud out of the sentry tunnel after the flood that one time, surely.

“Kirlia and Togetic?” she recalled. They were sweet girls, thoughtful and curious about her in a more personable way; they seemed to actively try to separate her mountainous reputation from her true character with their gentle and tentative lines of questioning during the scant moments afforded them in the evenings approaching the serving of dinner…even if they unintentionally struck more chords than was still exactly comfortable.

“Yes. I figured it would help you build rapport with them, and I intended to have you work more closely with the other teams, as well…as long as you’re all right with that, of course,” Lu amended. “They have significant respect for you already, but I know you’re not overly fond of the fame. Letting them get to know the real you will benefit them, I think—and they, in turn, will share that with everyone else. Plus it will give them valuable insight.” He gave her a small smile. “You are rather knowledgeable, after all.”

“I…don’t mind,” Eliana responded, her eyes tracing the silvery hairs lining her partner’s muzzle in the shimmering morning sunlight not for the first time. He’d already started to gray when she’d departed from the past, but…the visual difference was still striking and difficult to adjust to. His paws, tail, and feelers were also starting to glimmer. She would normally tease him, try to explain the concept of a ‘silver fox’, but the knot in the center of her chest since she’d arrived was no easy thing to dissuade. “I’ll put them to work, certainly.”

“It’ll save your back, at least.” Lu chuckled and twisted from side to side, his spine crackling with the movement. “Mine never went back into place after the last expedition, dragging those logs around. Chatot says I’m getting old.”

“He’s no spring chicken, either.” Eliana watched the laughter spill from Lu, perceiving her implication despite the odd ‘human’ colloquialism. She released a quiet sigh, glancing away from his hazy, unfocused eyes. “I’ll get started once I take this to the kitchen. Send them down whenever.”

Eliana stretched to rid her lithe body of the lingering stiffness of sleep, yawned, and looped her tail around the handle of the emptied basket. Lu tucked the juice-stained napkins and tossed the inedible berry stems into it, then stood with a crack of his knees and a low groan. “Maybe I am getting old.”

“Hush.” Eliana swallowed tightly. “You’re fine. You ought to start taking more vitamins.”

“Like that’ll help stop the progress of time,” Lu chuffed, shaking his head with a wry grin as he stooped to grab his pre-packed Treasure Bag. “But it might not hurt, now that you mention it. Maybe I should visit the physician in Jewel Cove while I’m there. Chatot mentioned that he’s an apothecary, too.”

Eliana rolled her shoulders as her ears folded back in discomfort. “Whatever powders he’ll give you will be bitter, for sure.”

“What, you think they’ll make me grouchy?” Lu bumped his hip into her flank fondly as they walked out of his office together. “And here you were fretting about my joints not even a moment ago.”

“Just be careful,” Eliana told him sternly. “You said there were mystery dungeons on the way. Are you sure you don’t need someone to go with you? I don’t mind putting this off.”

“A handful, but they’re nothing I can’t handle by myself. I’ve made this trip a handful of times. The port and post office need inspection occasionally, and it gives me an excuse to get some fresh air…away from all these rowdy children for a while, too.”

“Said with the deepest paternal affection I have ever heard,” she commented, amused.

“Ah, well. They keep me going.” Lu smiled. He tilted his head at her, eyes knowing. “And with all the research projects I’ve had mounting in the background to prepare for the next expedition, I’m afraid this is something that shouldn’t wait. I can’t find half the books I need, and the apprentices don’t know what to look for to read to me.”

“There goes my day off.”

“After only three days of paid Guild work, she says.” Lu folded his arms over his chest, snug under his fractured chest spike. “I know better than anyone that you start trying to climb walls when you don’t have anything to do, Eliana.”

He was right, unfortunately. She wondered what obscure things he would pull out of the barrel for her to do once she finished this and he returned. “You’re losing daylight,” she deadpanned in response. “You don’t have enough time today to call me out if you plan on getting there before sundown, Lu.”

“I should be back in a couple of days—I’ll send a message once I get there.” At her bumping into him expectantly, he loosed a long-suffering exhale. “And when I intend to leave. Myths and Legends, you’re as fretful as a mother.”

“Someone has to look after you.” Eliana chewed the inside of her cheek briefly. “I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

“I think you’re more capable of looking after this place than you think you are,” Lu reminded her—a conversation they’d had a couple of times since he’d notified her of the impromptu trip the previous morning. “But Chatot will still be here to monitor things.”

Eliana nodded. “He’ll definitely keep me in line, if nothing else.”

“Grovyle and Celebi should also be returning in the next day or so. They ran into a delay, according to the note they sent, but they were headed home when they sent it ahead of them.” Lu stroked a paw down the length of her back. “Will you be all right without me?”

“Peachy. I won’t be blasting a hole through the wall, if that’s what you mean.”

“That isn’t what I meant and you know it.”

Eliana looked away, towards the subtle fissure in the aforementioned wall that had yet to be patched. Who knew a ghost would have so much mass? (Or that she’d developed enough strength to throw him so hard?) “…I’ll be fine. I can be cordial.”

“But I know you still feel—”

Her ears flattened. “Lu. I can handle it. It’s not the only time we’ve dealt with a reformed criminal in close quarters.”

Lu’s mouth thinned. “Eliana…”

“I won’t lie to you. I still don’t like it. I don’t know how things will turn out. I’d much rather avoid the entire ordeal, if it’s all the same to you. I understand all of you have had time to reconcile with him, but the wounds are still fresh for me.” Eliana gritted her teeth. “I’ll need space, first. Just knowing he’s living in my town is enough of a concept to accept.”

“I know.” She knew he did. She felt the subtle brush of his aura, a frisson-inducing tingle that swept over her. His concern trickled into the back of her mind like the weight of a warm blanket. “I would never ask more than anything you’re willing to give. Take all the time and space you need.” He paused. “I already warned him to take care not to push you.”

She believed that, too. “As long as he keeps his distance, I think…I can deal with it.”

“That’s fine. If it makes you feel any better, he’s been anxious about the idea of your return ever since he learned you were gone…although the reasons for that may not be what you expect.”

Eliana frowned and looked back up at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Lu shook his head again, but she didn’t miss the pinch in the corner of his mouth. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.” He refocused on her with a more composed expression. “He just wishes not to make the same mistakes again.”

“That’s the least he could do,” she muttered.

“Nevertheless,” Lu said, straightening, “ignore him if you must. But a simple greeting wouldn’t hurt anything.”

Eliana hummed noncommittally, skeptical. “We’ll see.”

Lu patted her back once more before he headed for the stairwell. “Take care, Eliana.”

“Safe travels, Lu.” Eliana squared her shoulders. “Let me know if you need me!”

“I will!” he called back, already ascending.

A breeze curled its mild fingers through the main level of the Guild through the windows in his absence and the subsequent silence, rustling Eliana’s ears. She headed for the dining room and the nook of a kitchen it housed to drop off the basket and its refuse, then climbed down the warren to the basement level.

Someone (likely Magby) had lit the sconces mounted on the walls at some point that morning after the address, so her shadow on the opposing corridor dwarfed her comparatively minuscule frame. The room hadn’t changed, just as she’d expected. It was dusty, dilapidated, and in sore need of freshening up. The overstuffed armchair, upholstered in crushed red velvet, still reclined before the massive slab of a desk. The shelves remained packed full of books likely much older than the settlement itself, the covers more faded than she recalled. The rug beneath her feet was thinner, but no less soft. Eliana shivered as she passed through the threshold with a frown, stopping in the center of the room and straining her senses.

No phantoms leaped out at her with grasping hands intent to harm. No booming voices threatened damnation as punishment for crimes unrecalled. No fiercely glaring eye unraveled any semblance of trust and confidence with the mere blaze of cruel crimson.

Eliana shook her head, baring her teeth with a low growl of frustration. She promised Lu she’d try to leave the past…well, in the past. There was no use in dwelling on such negative recollections that would ultimately prove to be a hindrance to that effort, even if those very glimpses of sensation still haunted her dreams on the worst nights.

“Miss Eliana…?”

The fur flared along Eliana’s spine as she whipped around, but as soon as she spotted the demure pair lingering uncertainly in the doorway, she relaxed. “Ah. Sorry. Come in.”

The pair edged into the room, Kirlia fiddling with the silky pink bow knotted under her chin as Togetic fluttered closer, a scarf of the same color billowing out with the movement. Eliana eased back a step to make room for them, glancing around with a different eye—assessing rather than reminiscing.

“What would you like us to do?” Togetic asked, following her gaze with some curiosity.

“First,” Eliana began slowly, “I suppose we should do some spring cleaning. It seems this place is in sore need of it.”

“I’ll get the supplies,” Kirlia offered quietly, then slipped back out into the hall.

Upon seeing Eliana’s questioning gaze, Togetic offered the older explorer a small smile. “Apologies, Miss Eliana. Kirlia is…sensitive to the feelings of others.”

As many psychic types were. Eliana nodded. “I understand.” She tilted her head, mouth thinning. “Is there…something wrong?”

“Wrong?” Togetic fluttered her wings a little, her pleasant expression morphing into one of consternation as she lit off the ground and swept up to one of the corners to bat away the cobwebs residing there. “No, just…negative emotions tend to make her nervous.”

“Has someone been bothering her, then?” was Eliana’s followup. She wouldn’t tolerate anyone enduring any sort of bullying like what she and Lu endured as apprentices from Team Skull, much less towards to Team Serenity.

“Oh, um…no, miss,” Togetic replied apprehensively.

“You can tell me,” Eliana said resolutely. “If anything happens, you can always tell me, or Chatot, or L—Guildmaster Lucario.”

“I know. And it isn’t anyone else, miss, I promise.” She finally dared to peek at the verdant Pokemon, apologetic and reticent all at once. She glanced towards the empty doorway. “It’s…um. You, Miss Eliana.”

She blinked. “…Ah.”

“Th-that isn’t to say we don’t want to be around you!” Togetic rushed to soothe. “On the contrary, we are delighted that Guildmaster Lucario asked this of us—honored, even!”

“‘But’…?” Eliana offered with a resigned sigh.

“But…” Togetic tugged a stray root springing out of the wall. Growth was allowed elsewhere to catch stray moisture, but not near the valuable old tomes so susceptible to elemental damages. “…Both of us sense your, ah…distress.”

“‘Distress’,” Eliana echoed, her ears lowering. “I don’t feel distressed.”

“Outwardly, perhaps. It is…difficult to express in words what we are able to sense.” The apprentice glanced at her over her shoulder. “Your aura reads as though it is…well, I would describe it as wounded—scarring over but still, um, bleeding in places, as though it was torn back open again after almost healing over.”

Eliana really shouldn’t have been surprised. She rolled her shoulders and shook herself before facing one of the shelves. “…I see.”

“I know I have no right to intrude upon whatever it may be—and I don’t know, I cannot read minds, so you needn’t worry about that,” Togetic hastily amended, “but…it is generally healthier to work through whatever problem may have caused such a thing rather than—”

“Thank you,” Eliana interjected, her teeth clenched as she tried to keep her voice even. “I appreciate it. I do. But it’s a little more complicated than what you might think.”

Togetic regarded her for a moment, considering, then tipped her head. “If I may…?”

Eliana closed her eyes. “Yes?”

“This might be overstepping, but…” Togetic yanked another winding vine out of the wall, sending a shower of dust down to the floor and loosening some errant pieces of gravel in so doing. “…your hurt is the same as Mister Dusknoir’s.”

[nothorses]

You 100% don't have to answer this, especially if talking about this could harm you. I was just wondering if you had any tips or thoughts about dealing with the trauma of Tumblr abuse campaigns that the people who did the harassing claimed was righteous. They usually start with callout posts. Years later and I am still traumatized, have nightmares, and my disabilities have worsened because of the abuse.

I think the best thing that I did for myself was set a couple of boundaries around exposure to it, at the advise of @vaspider: I decided I wasn't going to look at tags or blogs that I knew I'd find more of those posts in, and I asked people to stop sending me updates as well.

Just removing exposure did a lot for me. I still do have moments where I "break" and go look in my tags, but a) not for at least 6 months, b) I felt I was not going to be impacted the same way, and c) I was and am always wrong, and I stop myself before getting very far because of that.

Block people liberally. Block them for saying shit that hurts you, and block them for being annoying. It's not an act of violence, it's not mean or cruel or whatever; just curate your experience. And don't allow people access to you who intend to do you harm.

Beyond that... take a break. If you have a piece you feel you still need to say, type it up somewhere else, wait a day or two, post it if you still feel you need to, and make that the last time you talk about it.

Focus on, and nurture, real-life hobbies and relationships. Interact with people and things that have no connection to these events. Not because online relationships aren't "real", but because your social life being public is genuinely, inherently unhealthy. You should not have to worry about the worst possible interpretations of everything you do or say all the time; find people who love you and trust you, and spend time with them. Privately. Exist in a space where you feel loved and worth loving; trusted and worth trusting; and where you don't feel the need to apologize for, or defend, everything you do or say.

Most importantly, cultivate a trust in yourself. Trust that you are always trying, and trust that mistakes are just mistakes. Trust that people who trust you will see the best interpretations of your words and actions, even if you realize later how they "might have come off".

Let feelings go, if you can. Letting go of the hurt doesn't mean it never happened, and you never felt that way; you're just allowing yourself to move on, to find peace, and to remove the power they had over you. Living in panic and hurt will only make the panic and the hurt worse.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry it was that bad. You're not alone. You can heal. I wish you all the best 💙

[ninja-muse]

So yeah, that happened… (Not as bad as it looks, though. The top half is books I own and read this month, not books I've acquired.)

November has been a month of highs and lows for me. Mostly lows, if I'm being honest. The US election kicked my brain back to 2020 for a couple days and I don't think I've really reset yet. (It's taken me three years and counting to reset from 2020 itself so I'm not surprised.) For any American reading this, I'm still very saddened for you and I wish there was something I could do beyond listening and sympathizing. I wish the world was a better place to live in.

And speaking of 2020 mode, I haven't been writing. I was at a crossroads at the end of October with a difficult scene, and even though I've fixed it so it's better, I still haven't continued. It's hard for me to write cheery, upbeat things when I'm scared and angry, and work's getting busier for the holidays, and both Bake Offs I follow were airing and that just seemed more important. At least this time, it's definitely writer's block rather than a terror of traumatizing people by writing diversely. (2020 was fun, y'all.)

And I also didn't write for five days because my mom and sister and I went to Disneyland. This was, of course, the high of the month! It was good to spend that time together, and do the rides and the whole experience, and see Disneyland as an adult. I'm especially glad we went when we did because I don't think I'm ever going to visit the States again.

It was also a fairly lukewarm reading month for me, which I don't think it helping the mental stuff. The best book I read was intense and heavy, a few of the others also dealt with dark stuff, and pretty much everything was "fine". No new favourites, though I've added the rest of Claudia Gray's Austenian mysteries to my TBR and I'm still thoroughly enjoying the Lady Trent novels. A couple of the other books (the Clarke, the Stearns) were ones I was hyped for but which didn't live up to expectations.

That said, for all that it's my lowest ranked book, The Price of the Stars was surprisingly fun. It's completely mindless, cliched space opera that reads like an off-brand Star Wars novel and I'm sure I'll have just as much fun with the sequel (also on my physical TBR). But I also recognize that the writing's on par with mediocre fanfiction or cult 1980s B-movies.

Books and otherwise, here's hoping for a better December.

And now, as always, here’s my list of everything I read this month, in the rough order of how glad I was to have read them.

Submerged - Hillel Levin

A journalist dives into a 1990s murder case—the disappearance, the first suspect, the second investigation, the innocent man in jail, the family secrets…

8.5/10

warning: grooming, molestation, rape, victim blaming, failures of the justice system

reading copy

The Murder of Mr. Wickham - Claudia Gray

The Darcys, the Tilneys, and sundry other friends and relations are attending the Knightleys’ house party when Mr. Wickham (uninvited) is killed. The murderer’s still in the house but everyone had motive.

7/10

major autistic character

warning: homophobia

off my TBR

The Empress Letters - Linda Rogers

A mother in the 1920s writes her life story in a series of letters to the daughter she’s searching for in China.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (bisexual), Jewish protagonist, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (sapphic, gay), Jewish secondary characters, Chinese secondary characters, 🇨��,

warning: death of parent, sexual exposure, adult-teen relationship, anti-Chinese racism, fetal remains, homophobia

off my TBR

The Voyage of the Basilisk - Marie Brennan

To create a taxonomy of dragons, Isabella Camherst takes a voyage around the world—but as always, she runs afoul of politics, social mores, and other perils.

7/10

Middle Eastern-coded secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (third gender), Polynesian secondary characters

library book

The Secret History of Audrey James - Heather Marshall

In 1938 Berlin, piano student Audrey steps into danger when her Jewish hosts are arrested and she must turn housekeeper to Nazis to protect her best friend. In 2010, Kate takes a job at a hotel to restart her life after tragedy—and must convince Audrey, the owner, to let her stay.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (sapphic), major Jewish secondary characters, secondary character with partial leg paralysis and a cane, 🇨🇦

warning: antisemitism, murder, police brutality, misogyny and sexism

library book

The Wood at Midwinter - Susanna Clarke

A young woman enters a midwinter wood alone and encounters a fox, a crow, and a bargain.

6.5/10

library ebook

Under a New and Brilliant Sky - R.E. Stearns

Elys, on the run from Republic authorities, is brought to Alyansa to fix a failure in their city’s AI. But the Republic knows where to find her, and she can’t quite trust that the Alyansans will keep her safe.

6/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (sapphic), protagonist with auditory processing disorder, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (trans woman), brown-skinned secondary characters

warning: xenophobia, colonialism

digital reading copy/won

Paris Daillencourt Is About to Crumble - Alexis Hall

Paris isn’t really sure why he’s on Bake Expectations and he definitely isn’t sure how he feels about the contestant he keeps flirting with, if you can call it flirting, oh god, how do you relationship when anxiety?

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (gay), protagonist with anxiety disorder, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay, sapphic), major Bangladeshi Muslim character, fat secondary character, Bangladeshi Muslim secondary characters, Chinese-British secondary character

warning: realistically depicts anxiety disorder and panic attacks

library ebook

Rivers of London Vol. 12: Stray Cat Blues - Ben Aaronovitch and Andrew Cartmel with José María Beroy (Illustrator)

Abigail and the foxes are “hired” by a cat-woman to break her fellow hybrids out of a brothel. Easy, right? Out in December.

7/10

wajor Black British characters, disabled secondary character

warning: sex trafficking

purchased/off my TBR

The Price of the Stars - Debra Doyle and James D. MacDonald

When Beka’s politician mother is assassinated, her father gives her his warship in exchange for her tracking the assassins down. Cue a pan-galactic adventure!

6/10

warning: sexual assault, gun violence

off my TBR

Currently reading

The Stardust Grail - Yume Kitasei

Maya’s put her thieving past aside to pursue academia, but when a chance to find the legendary stardust grail (and save her friend’s species) falls into her lap, she can’t help but be tempted—even if Earth wants to use it to save itself.

protagonist with Japanese heritage, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (achillean, nonbinary, alternate gender system)

library book

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin

A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Victorian detective stories

disabled POV character (limb injury), occasional Indian secondary characters

warning: racism, colonialism

Monthly total: 10 Yearly total: 116 Queer books: 4 Authors of colour: 0 Books by women: 6.5 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 2 Classics: 0 Off the TBR shelves: 4 Books hauled: 5 ARCs acquired: 2 ARCs unhauled: 2 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June July August September October

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hii I hope you're doing okay and that you feel well. I just wanted to request some small Tim angst.

Like the reader is a sweet person but Tim is kinda closed off because of Slenderman and stuff and it hurts the readers feelings bc he's distant for no reason in there eyes.

If you don't want to that's okay! I just don't find a lot of active blogs that have Tim/Masky angst so I wanted to request it here😭💞💞 I love your blog sm :)

𝔾ℝℝℝℝ 𝕀 𝔾𝕆 𝔽𝔼ℝ𝔸𝕃 𝔽𝕆ℝ 𝔸ℕ𝔾𝕊𝕋!!! 𝔹𝔸ℝ𝕂 𝔹𝔸ℝ𝕂 𝔹𝔸ℝ𝕂 𝕎𝕆𝕆𝔽 𝕄𝔼𝕆𝕎

ℂ𝕣𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕥𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕕𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕘𝕠 𝕥𝕠 @𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕤-𝕟-𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖!! 𝔾𝕠 𝕗𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕚𝕣 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕜!

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕠 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘!!

Tiresome

In the beginning, your relationship with Tim was everything you could ever ask for

He was kind, loving, he saw you like no one else seemed to

But most importantly, he was present

And physically, he still is (well, at least he is sometimes)

But you began to notice as the months drag on, that he seems to become more and more tired, stressed, and isolated

You try to talk to him, asking what's wrong and if there's anything you can do to help

Even if he just needs space, or a break from your relationship for a while, you'd be happy to provide that, he just needs to tell you that

But anytime you bring it up, he insists that he's fine, and that he just needs some sleep

It only gets worse from there

All of a sudden, he gets very snappy with you, and hardly ever talks to you unless its him muttering about how he's going to sleep once he comes home

He starts smoking more than he ever has, the smell consumes your entire apartment most days

These strange pills start showing up, in your bathroom, in the kitchen, in your bedroom

Whenever you ask what they are or what they're for, he gets very defensive and tells you that it's none of your business

More and more murder reports start showing up on t.v and social media, mostly centered around where you and Tim live

It gets so bad that there is a statewide order stating that no one can leave their homes, unless they are essential workers or have permission from government officials sent to your state to monitor any suspicious behavior

That's when the hallucinations start

At first, it's just a small headache here and there, he will complain about it to you, then take a few of his mystery pills

But you start to notice that sometimes, he seems to be staring at something

Nothing is there, but he's so focused on whatever it is

When you ask him what's up, he will make a worried face and say that his entire vision and hearing was just clouded with static

You tell him that he's stressing out too much, and that he needs to just take it easy

He will sigh, and take a few pills

He then starts disappearing at random times

When he comes home, he reeks of dirt and body odor

He takes a quick shower, before plopping down in bed next to you, not even sparing you a glance as he turns away from you and falls asleep

This happens for the next few weeks, you constantly beg him to stay, plead with him not to go, you don't want him getting hurt

He usually doesn't respond to your attempts, just gently shoving you aside so he can open the door and leave

But finally, you convince him to stay

In your latest attempt, he had accidentally looked at you, and he had seen the pain in your eyes

"When did this all happen?" He wonders "When did everything go so wrong?"

And so, he stays

And this is the most attentive he has been to you in months

He is profusely apologizing while kissing all over your body, telling you that he knows he's been distant and that he wishes he could be here for you, but it's just out of his control

You both fall asleep peacefully that night, tears staining both your cheeks

You begin to wake up though, when you hear him shift away from you

Fearing he might try to leave again, you spring up in bed and grab his arm, only to find him sitting up, staring at the door of your shared bedroom

You can't quite read his face, it's a mix of no emotion yet high anxiety at the same time

When you ask what's wrong, he doesn't answer, seemingly frozen staring at whatever is at the door

When he finally comes back to the present, he gasps for air and frantically begins searching for his pills, popping at least 4 into his mouth

You try to comfort him, but as you do, your ears begin to ring loudly, and when you look back to the door, you swear you catch a glimpse of a long black tentacle slipping behind the door

[neonshrike]

✍ WIP Wednesday ✍

Tagged by @imogenkol

A little more lighthearted moment with Andi, and some of her interacting with Natasha! It's been pretty fun writing relationship-building moments, she has varying levels of trust with each of them.

Andi sat on top of the couch, opening the new sketchbook Steve gifted her with a grateful smile as she read his note inside the cover. Tapping the eraser side of her pencil against the page, she tried to figure out where to start. The compound’s living room was a warm, calming space to her, at least when no one else was there. She drew out some perspective lines of what was in front of her when Natasha walked into the room.

Distracted by her drawing, Andi looked up and quickly teleported onto the seat of the couch, dropping her sketchbook in the process. It already took enough out of her to move herself. “I saw that,” Natasha joked, leaning against the doorframe. Andi looked up at her after picking her sketchbook back up and nervously smiled. “Sorry,” she muttered as she stood up, holding it tightly against her chest. Natasha smiled back and shook her head. “Well, don’t leave on my account,” she spoke, already used to her skittish behavior, but part of her wished she would relax at some point. “Am I really that scary?” Andi looked away, wanting to avoid answering her question at all costs. Out of all the people in this world she met, she struggled with getting to know her the most. Andi could tell Steve was a good person just by looking at him, and was the closest thing to a friend here. He always looked out for her, and genuinely wanted to help. He helped her make the few good memories of this place. Bruce was nice and surprisingly patient to her despite his appearance, a lesson in not judging a book by its cover. Even if she didn’t exactly want his help with her powers at first, she felt like she was finally improving and almost enjoying their time training. Natasha, on the other hand, was hard to read and Andi always felt like she was upsetting her somehow. The others were more open and honest. “If you need space, it’s okay,” Andi explained, trying to make her feel better. “It’s alright,” Natasha reassured, sitting next to her. “It’s nice to have company again.”

Tagging @captastra @lilywatt @inafieldofdaisies @carlosoliveiraa @confidentandgood @chadillacboseman @roofgeese @socially-awkward-skeleton @the-lastcall @aeterna-auroral-avenger @truly-very-british @shellibisshe @cptcassian and anyone else who would like to share!

[jazjelspen]

and so they lived happily ever after

(idia backstory stuff/angst)

idia was never the romantic type.

he wasn't a fan of the dating, the courting, or the pining.

he didn't believe in the fairytales that spoke of true love's kiss and how true love conquers all.

he never believed that someone could find their soulmate by slipping on a glass slipper on the right gal or that happily ever afters were even a real thing despite the stories that surrounded his world.

but hey sure, he's always at least had a crush or two in his lifetime but he's never advanced in anything but crushing, he never really bothered to know the person if all they really were was just another noob that thought he was a weird social outcast.

and he simply accepted the fact that there probably wasn't a chance for him to find someone that would look past his appearance and flaws.

i mean it's not like he cared, romance was never on his list of achievements anyway...

it's totally not as if he sometimes stays up late at night huddled up under his covers reading fan fictions of a love life he, deep down under layers of trauma and denial, secretly wishes to have.

almost the way you are, fellow reader!

but hey he's taking that to the grave, he isn't ashamed but he can't give anymore of these NRC noobs any more reasons to make fun of him. they actually should cower at his intelligence! cower at his immense knowledge of technology that their feeble little brains would explode just trying to comprehend!

but I digress.

he still remembers the day when he saw you and heard of you, he didn't think anything much of you aside from the fact that you were probably just like any noob in this school... and that... you were definitely his type-- but as mentioned before he wasn't going to try advancing in any form anyway.

that was until you were actually willing to give him the time of day, you were willing to put effort into talking even if it wasn't in person, and as much as he thought you would eventually make fun of him or push him away you just never did.

you truly stayed by him and you got as attached to him as he was to you, embarrassingly enough.

now here you two were, in his room warmly cuddling under the sheets of his bed after playing video games all day long during this cold weekend. it was as dark in his room as it was outside, the entire space was in complete darkness aside from his various screens and his hair illuminating the scene in certain places. and even if his hair was glowing right in your face while occupying each others personal space you seemed to be in a very peaceful yet deep sleep and the light coming from him didn't seem to bother you, it never really did anyway.

he watched you sleep as he paid attention to every inhale and exhale you took, he gently smiled to himself feeling grateful that you put in the effort to get to know him further and to crush his walls down to the ground and dig up his heart that he buried with his younger brother.

since for all he knew the beating in his heart, the pink in the tips of his fiery hair and the bright red spreading across his face at the simple thought of you... at any of the simple actions you took..

maybe true love really does exist, maybe fairytales really do come true,

even so he truly wishes with all his heart,

to the second star on the right-

that this fairytale with you never ends.