#wish i could just relive the last two days over and over again where i was tabling at expo

[daandori]

sliding in the sewer vibes are getting stronger by the minute today

[jjunieworld]

february 14th 𓍼 🌾 ·˚ ༘

pairing: kang taehyun x fem!reader

genre: angst, some fluff if you squint, strangers (kinda) to lovers, college au, major character death, death in general (both on page and mentioned), kinda dead dove, talks about grief

synopsis: this has to be the worst day of your life. and just your luck, the day keeps repeating. over and over again. and you don’t know why. you get to relive the same day where you finally garner the courage to ask your crush, kang taehyun, out and get to relive the part where he rejects you each time.

word count: 13.6k┊masterlist

a/n: omg first 10k+ word fic!! happy birthday tyun!! this is lowkey inspired by a manga series called orange (which is one of my all time favorite mangas! you should really check it out because it’s so so so good but please look up tws), that one episode of supernatural where sam repeats the same day, and lowkey life is strange lmao. i am so so sorry my baby hyuka :( this was really interesting to write tho, so i hope you enjoy! ♡

if you had to experience another valentine’s day over again, you’d personally find and kill cupid yourself. you were sick of this day, sick of your confession, sick of the stupid crush you had. and most of all, you were sick of being stuck in this fucking time loop.

you don’t even know how you got in this situation. how the universe decided that, yes, y/n should experience the day where she gets rejected by her crush over and over again! wouldn’t that be so much fun? rest assured, it is not.

no matter what you did, your confession of liking kang taehyun always came to the surface, no matter how much you avoided him. whether that be from your actual mouth, or from someone else’s somehow. you didn’t even know how, since you haven’t told anybody about your crush—well, except your roommate chaewon, but that was purely coincidental and you were sure she wouldn’t tell anyone. and no matter what you did, or how you acted, or how you dressed, taehyun would always reject you.

this all had to be some sick joke that everyone was in on. what was the point of it all? you sighed as you woke up in your room, once again, on valentine’s day.

you looked over to your nightstand like you have for the five hundred and forty-seventh time. the confession letter you had spent so long on the night before—well, not the night before—was laying there. it's pretty pink paper with elaborate cursive writing, love doodles, and glitter mocking you. you glared at it as you got ready for your classes. you had tried once to leave it at your dorm room, to not give it to taehyun at all, but then your roommate showed up with it in the hallways.

“y/n! you forgot your confession letter to taehyun!” your roommate, chaewon, had practically yelled as she jogged over to where you were coming out of your class. heads turned to the both of you and you wished you could be six feet under. you quickly glanced around and made direct eye contact with taehyun, who was frozen mid stride with an open notebook in hand. you fled the scene and avoided him like the plague for the rest of the day, only for him to come up to you himself as you were getting lunch a good ways away from campus. “hey… about the confession letter… i’m really flattered, truly, but it just isn’t gonna work between us. i’m not looking for a relationship right now, i’m sorry.” he had said, before turning and walking away, leaving you gaping in the restaurant.

those words have been replaying in your head over and over for the past five hundred and forty-two loops. “it just isn’t gonna work between us,” at least he was kind about it.

you were tempted to just stay in your pajamas, but you’ve already done that last loop. yawning as you put your bookbag over your shoulders, you exited your dorm room and made your way to your first class of the day. no matter how much sleep you get in each loop, you were still dead tired. courtesy of staying up all night the night you made the confession letter.

realization hits you and you turn back towards your dorm at the same time that chaewon comes out of it, your confession letter in her hand. “y/n, you forgot your confession letter!” the both of you say at the same time, you mainly copying what she has said so many times before. “i know,” you added. chaewon’s eyes widened in shock, a smile spreading across her face. you took the letter from her and shoved it deep within your bookbag, definitely crumpling it.

“i’m in a time loop, chaewon. i know exactly what you’re gonna say.” you sighed and ran a hand down your face as you stifled another yawn. “sure, i can guess the next three words that are gonna come out of your mouth. lemon, eight, and cutie patootie, which are four words by the way.”

chaewon’s face dropped even more in shock. you just sighed deeper. “i’m gonna need your help today. that confession letter i made last night… it cannot get to taehyun. do you hear me?” chaewon just nodded and you gave a small nod back. you turned and began your way to your class again.

luckily for you, you shared your first class with taehyun. photography 101 with mr. kim. today’s class dealt with polaroid cameras, which you were also sick of dealing with. you sat in the empty seat near the window where you always sat and got your notebook out as class started to begin. if you were honest, you chose this seat cause it gives you the best view of your crush. the sunlight filtered hazily through the window illuminating taehyun’s features, making him look even more dreamy. it probably wasn’t the best idea, since you spent most of the class staring at him and wanting to take a picture of him; rather than paying attention to your teacher and what he wanted you to take pictures of.

you tried your hardest to focus this loop around. you wished that after how many times you lived this day, your crush would just disappear. i mean, you would think getting rejected five hundred and forty-six times would help right? wrong.

at first, you thought of the time loop as a blessing in disguise. there to help you fix your mistakes and finally get the guy you’ve been crushing on for a while now. wrong, again. for the first hundred or so loops you tried everything in your power to curate yourself to taehyun’s tastes. even going so far to dye your hair and buy a bunch of new clothes. nothing worked. it was hopeless. so now you’ve been spending the past four hundred and so on loops trying to get out of the loop. also hopeless. you just couldn’t crack what was keeping you here, on this day. and why you of all people.

mr. kim had given all the students in the class polaroid cameras, not the modern ones, but one of those old ones from the ninties. you rushed to get your things as class ended, polaroid camera in hand, when you ran face first into someone and spilled the contents of your half open bookbag all over the floor.

the polaroid camera had fallen from your hands and bounced off your foot, snapping a picture and momentarily blinding you with the flash. “if that camera is broken y/n you will be paying for it!” mr. kim’s voice had loudly spoken as you blinked rapidly and tried to get the spots out of your eyes.

“sorry!” you mumbled to whoever you bumped into as you crouched to the floor to grab your things. they crouched next to you and helped you. “don’t worry about it!” you heard a familiar voice say. you froze, hand in the air ready to grab your notebook, as taehyun’s voice rang through your ears.

the letter, you thought. the gears in your brain started working again, breaking you out of your frozen state, and you began getting your things off the floor faster. you shoved them into your bookbag without caring if things got bent or folded. taehyun handed you a couple textbooks, which you all but snatched from him, and also shoved those into your bookbag. after getting to your feet, you mumbled another sorry, before turning to fly out the door again.

“y/n, wait!” taehyun called from behind you. you froze again. please don’t be the letter, please don’t be the letter, please don’t be the le— you thought. you slowly turned and saw him rise to his feet, your notebook in hand. he held it out to you, a small smile on his face. “you almost forgot this,” taehyun spoke.

“thank you,” you replied in a small voice, returning his smile. you took the notebook from him and bolted out the class. on the brightside, at least it would’ve been a short loop if taehyun had grabbed the letter. no doubt, once he saw the big ‘to taehyun, from y/n’ on the front in big glittery letters he would’ve rejected you right then and there and the day would restart.

the only time the day has progressed past the rejection was the first ever day, before the loop started. you had been so excited to give taehyun the letter, even if the sleepiness was tearing you apart. it was valentine’s day, the day of love, and you thought that today was absolutely perfect to tell him about your feelings. after all, at least you wouldn’t be alone in sharing your feelings for someone.

everywhere you looked, new couples sprang up. it made you giddy inside. that’s going to be me, you thought. you couldn’t wait, you had the whole confession planned out. after your classes for the day were over, you were gonna wait outside the arts building for taehyun. the sun would be setting and with the perfect backdrop of a beautiful sunset, you would hand him your letter. taehyun would read it, a smile crossing his face, and he would accept your confession, making your wish come true. it would be written in the shooting stars. then the two of you would start dating and run off into said sunset, blah blah blah.

except, that’s not how it all happened. you waited outside the arts building, the setting sun in the background. you had waited for forty-five minutes, unaware that the class was delayed thirty minutes and that taehyun would stay behind for another fifteen for help from the teacher. by the time he came out, it was dark outside. you were cold and annoyed, and the confession letter was held limply in your hand, spare glitter piling up on the ground.

when you had silently handed it to him, he looked at the monstrosity in shock. it was clear at first glance he knew what it was, and it was only made even more apparent when he opened the envelope and read the letter inside. “o-oh…” he stuttered out, and your heart dropped and the deliberate blankness of his face. “y/n, i’m—“ that’s all you could bear to hear before you just nodded and swallowed thickly, tears rimming your eyes, and ran off.

you had cried in your dorm room all night. the whole interaction replaying in your head as you wished and wished for a miracle until you fell asleep from exhaustion. imagine your shock when you woke up again, confession letter on your nightstand and the day reading as valentine’s day. a joke, it all was, all you hoped. it wasn’t. only one good thing came from the time loop, nobody remembered anything from the previous loop. only the previous day, february thirteenth.

you had gotten back to your dorm room, not having classes until later in the day and desperate for sleep, when you stepped out of the way of chaewon’s hands. “how did you—oh my god! you really are in a time loop!” chaewon exclaimed. you stepped past her and made your way to your dresser to change your clothes. “yes, and i’m very tired and would like to sleep the day away.”

“well, what about taehyun? what about your confession? does he know yet?” chaewon asked as you slipped some shorts and a plain t-shirt on. you turned to her, shaking your head. “no, and it’s for the best that he never finds out.”

chaewon furrowed her eyebrows. “why did something bad happen in the last loop? how many times have you relieved this day?” you just laughed wryly, “you have absolutely no idea.”

“we gotta find some way to sway his mind!” she then exclaimed. you shook your head furiously, sitting down heavily on your bed. “there’s no use, chaewon. he doesn’t like me like that. like, at all.” you tried to keep the sadness from creeping into your tone. chaewon sat on her bed, a pout on her lips. “the only thing we can do is make sure that he doesn’t even see the letter at all,” you added.

“well where is it? have you tried burning it?” chaewon asked. you stood to retrieve your book bag. “i have actually, didn’t work.” it was around the two hundredth loop when you were getting deeply frustrated. there was a campfire party happening that you went to after avoiding taehyun for the whole day. you had thought that you were finally in the clear, even let yourself begin to hope a little. that’s when you decided to just burn the letter and let it all be done with.

it sat in the fire, the edges burning, before a magical gust of wind blew it out of the embers. right into taehyun’s hands.

you literally couldn’t believe your eyes. there was literally no way that the letter just did that. that’s when you knew that this loop was a curse, that you’d be doomed to repeat this day until the end of time. and probably after that too. your mouth had dropped, taehyun looked over to you with furrowed eyebrows. you get the rest.

“i know, you don’t like me…” you had trailed off, overlapping his words. you turned to walk away and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in your bed again.

you were rummaging through your messy bookbag when chaewon replied, “have you tried confessing to someone else?” you paused and turned to her. “i haven’t… actually…” you trailed in thought. this whole time you were so focused on your feelings for taehyun, you hadn’t even thought about anyone else. “i’m not sure it would even work,” you said. “even after all this time i still like him.”

“well, you have all this time… why don’t you try to start developing feelings for someone else and get over the feelings you have for taehyun?” chaewon said. you thought it over for a second. that doesn’t sound that bad of an idea. you already know that taehyun doesn’t and never will like you back, so what’s the harm? maybe it’ll actually work and you can be free from this loop. “who would i even like?” you asked, momentarily abandoning your bag.

chaewon pressed her lips together for a moment before shrugging. “there’s plenty of attractive people here, you could choose anybody!” you sighed deeply. “i can’t just choose someone to like… it doesn’t really work that way.” chaewon shrugged again. “it could at least help!”

you guess she was somewhat right. narrow the pool of people. you could go based on personality, or at least those the personalities you know of. whichever personalities clash with yours can get crossed off. “whatever,” you mumbled. “i guess it could work. i’ll think about it.” chaewon clapped happily as you returned to your bag for the letter.

heart dropping, you flipped your bag over and watched the contents inside fall to the floor. looking through the pile frantically, you came up with nothing. the letter was gone. chaewon called your name and you looked up at her, face paled. “it’s gone… the letter… it’s gone.” she crouched down next to you with furrowed brows and began searching herself. when she came up with nothing also, she sat back on the ground. “if you don’t have it, then where is it?”

that’s when you noticed a polaroid tucked under one of your notebooks. you pulled it out and stared at it. chaewon leaned over to get a look at it too. “taehyun must have it,” you said. the polaroid was a blurry picture of you and taehyun from class earlier that morning. “but if he has it…” you trailed. if he has it, then why hasn’t the day restarted?

you and chaewon spent the next forty-five minutes searching every nook and cranny of your room for the letter and still came up with nothing. you had explained to her how the time loop worked—as far as you knew it—and what it meant if taehyun had seen the letter. “so what does this mean?” chaewon asked, the two of you were sitting on your floor after cleaning up the mess you made. “i have no idea,” you replied. “i hope it means that all of this is over. but who knows if he actually has the letter. maybe somebody else picked it up when i dropped all my stuff.”

picking up the polaroid again, you stared hard at it. stupid camera. if you hadn't focused so much on it, you wouldn’t have ran into taehyun and dropped the letter in the first place. you rose to your feet, your class was about to start. “you’ll find it, y/n. and then maybe this whole day will stop repeating.” chaewon spoke, trying to comfort you. you just nodded solemnly, setting the polaroid on your desk.

suddenly you felt super dizzy and nauseous, and there was a heaviness on your heart. you held your stomach as you doubled over. chaewon jumped to her feet, her hand coming to your back as she bent to see your face. “y/n? what’s wrong?” all you could do was shake your head. you didn’t know. you’ve never felt like this before.

the next thing you knew, you were waking up in your bed to your alarm. you looked around your empty dorm room with confused eyes. did the day restart? you looked to your nightstand. there the letter sat. slowly, you got out of your bed and stood in front of it.

how weird. that has never happened when you restarted a loop before. taehyun didn’t even reject you, the day just started over. maybe it doesn’t have to be face to face? but, you didn’t get a text or anything. and if it was a mental thing, the day would be over before you even woke up.

you were getting ready for the day when chaewon came in from her early morning class. quickly, you explained to her the time loop again and proved the validity of your statement. “we’ll talk later about it, i have to get to class.” you said as you turned to the door. that’s when your eye caught something.

the polaroid you accidentally took from the last loop. it was still sitting on your desk in the exact place you sat it down. you ran over to your desk and snatched the picture, holding it up. you felt chaewon come up behind you. “what is it? oh! is that you and taehyun? when did you take this?” chaewon asked.

“i didn’t…” you trailed. “at least, not this loop. this is from the last loop. how is it here?” what is going on? chaewon took the polaroid from you to get a closer look. “that is so strange…” you nodded in agreement.

you left for your class after putting the polaroid back in a safe space on your desk. for the most part, the day was the same, except this time you took your time with your items and made sure your bookbag was zipped all the way.

when you were walking out of the classroom, you heard your name being called from across the hallway. you panicked for a second, thinking you forgot the letter and chaewon was here to spill your crush again. turning to the direction your name was called, you were shocked to see taehyun walking up to you.

your throat closed up the closer and closer he got until he was standing in front of you and you could hardly breathe. this was it, the letter somehow slipped from your bookbag and ended up magically in his hands. he was here to reject you and the day would repeat again and again. “i have more classes, but do you mind if we talk later on today? this afternoon?” taehyun asked. your eyes widened.

what did he want to talk about? you racked your brain for answers that didn’t come to you. this never happened in a loop before. usually, taehyun just straight up rejects you. “uh—sure!” you manage to push out, a nervous smile playing on your lips. he smiled back, handing you a small piece of paper with his number on it. “i’ll text you the when and where.” you nodded numbly as he said goodbye and walked away. did you just get his number? just like that?

“what do you think he wants to talk about?” you asked chaewon. “do you think he remembers the last loop? knows why it ended so abruptly and why that polaroid remained?” she sat across from you on the floor, a puzzled look on her face that was the same as yours. she thought for a moment before shrugging. “i honestly have no idea…” her face then lit up with a thought. “what if your letter from the last loop remained too and since he allegedly had it, he read it early? but since it’s the basis of the loop—or so you think—it got copied somehow?”

that actually didn’t sound too far off. it would help make sense of the way the last loop ended. also on why he suddenly wanted to talk to you. “you might be onto something, chaewon…” you trailed as you thought more on what she said. “but the loop resets when he rejects me, and he always rejects me. so if he had already read it, he would’ve already rejected me.”

“maybe the rules changed… you did say he didn’t explicitly reject you last loop. maybe things are changing. maybe the loop is starting to end and that’s why all these weird things are happening?” chaewon interjected. you sighed deeply and just shrugged. your head was spinning from it all. “i guess i’ll find out later today.” just in that moment you got a text from taehyun. you had texted him earlier saying that this was your number.

hey, it’s taehyun! can we meet at the benches next to the arts building in three hours?

you breathed in sharply. chaewon leaned over and pulled your phone down so she could read the text. “let me know what he says!” you just laughed a little and nodded, standing to your feet to get ready for your next class. you typed a quick text back to him.

yeah, that works for me. see you there!

you heart was pounding rapidly in your chest. you hoped that what chaewon said was true, that things were changing and the loops were finally coming to an end. you don’t know how much longer of this time loop you could take.

it was the meeting time for you to see taehyun. you had grabbed the polaroid from the last loop from your desk to ask him about and see if he had any answers. the chill of the morning had settled into a cool warmth. you saw taehyun waiting for you on the bench and felt goosebumps rise on your skin as you wished you brought a jacket.

his head turned to you at the sound of your approaching footsteps and he rose to his feet. “hi,” you said shyly as the both of you sat on the bench. you sat your bookbag on the bench next to you. “hi,” he replied, a small smile on his face. “what did you want to talk about?” you asked him.

taehyun turned to dig in his bag. your hands shook slightly in anticipation. he then turned back to you, a crumpled envelope in his hands. it was your confession letter. confusion washed over you. but your letter was in your bag? taehyun opened his mouth to speak but you held up a hand to stop him.

reaching in your bag, you grabbed your letter and held it out next to the one taehyun had and compared the two. they were exactly the same, except for taehyun’s version being crumpled and a little worse for wear. was chaewon right? both you and taehyun stared at the letters in confusion. “impossible…” you muttered under your breath.

you looked up at him, “there’s no way you should have this letter…” you were truly at a loss for words. taehyun’s confused eyes looked at you. “you dropped it…” taehyun began to speak before trailing off. you stared at each other for a moment.

“no, i didn’t—i mean i did, but that was… you shouldn’t—what is happening?” you stumbled over your words.

“wait… you remember dropping it? when we bumped into each other?” taehyun asked you. you stared at him with wide eyes. instead of answering his question you asked, “you’ve been repeating this day too?”

taehyun looked taken aback for a second before slowly nodding. your eyes never left him as you thought about what this meant. all those loops of you pining, changing yourself, and obsessing over his acception; all those things you did to try and get him to like you, he remembers? all those loops he rejected you over and over… you knew he didn’t like you, that much was obvious, but the fact that he remembered every five hundred and forty-eighth rejection caused your heart to hurt in a way you never thought it could.

embarrassment heated your cheeks. in order to save face a little bit, you turned and reached in your own bag for the polaroid. you held it out next to the matching letters. “how did these survive the last loop if…” you trailed off as you snuck a glance at him. you didn’t want to bring up how he rejects you each time you confess to him. he gently took the polaroid from your hands as he analyzed it.

taehyun’s face lit up briefly and he pulled out the polaroid camera from his bag. suddenly, you were blinded by the flash as he aimed the camera towards you. “hey! what the—“ you got cut off by another flash, this time aimed towards him. you watched him in confusion as he sat the pictures down on top of the letters and you both waited for the pictures to develop.

as the image came in, you could see how the both of you were blurred in them, yet everything else wasn’t. you leaned forward slightly to see them closer. even the bench wasn’t blurred. you took the camera from taehyun and ran up to the random person walking past. “photography assignment, sorry!” you muttered out before aiming the camera at the two of you steadily and taking a picture. the person looked at you weirdly before continuing on their way.

you walked back over to taehyun as the photo developed and stopped right in front of him in shock as the image developed. “what is it?” taehyun asked, standing to his feet and coming by your side.

in the polaroid, it was only you who was blurred, not the other person. “this is so weird…” you breathed. taehyun nodded in agreement. “do you think this has to do with the time loop?” he then asked, referring to the blurriness. shrugging a little, you leaned over to the bench and grabbed the other three polaroids and held them all together. “it has to,” you replied.

you then turned to him, “how does the loop end for you? is it different each time or does something specific trigger it?” taehyun’s eyes suddenly averted and you saw his shoulders sag ever so slightly. he moves to sit back on the bench. “um… it’s my friend… he—he dies.” your eyes widen and you stare at him for a moment, mouth agape. “oh! oh… i’m so sorry taehyun…” you trailed off, also sitting on the bench.

taehyun clears his throat, opting to change the subject. “how does it restart for you?” taehyun asks. you hesitate for a second. is it appropriate to bring up him rejecting you after he just told you that his friend dying resets his loop? “uh… well, this feels really inappropriate to bring up after everything, but it’s when you reject me.” you manage to push out. taehyun’s eyebrows raise as he glances over to you. the awkwardness in the air is so thick you’d have trouble cutting it with a knife.

“wait…” you trail off. you haven’t heard anything about someone dying today. does that mean he experiences more of the day than you do? “your day extends farther than mine does. if we’re both in the same loop, how does that work?” taehyun hummed in thought. “i’m not sure… but without any interruptions or changes, my day always ends at the same time. eight forty-five P.M.” he then looked up to you. “have you made it that far? or past it?”

you looked down at your feet, not wanting to meet his gaze. it only happened a couple of times, enough to count on one hand. the last being the one where you tried burning the letter and it didn’t work. “a handful of times, but it was only by avoiding giving you the letter. you always ended up with it somehow…” you replied. taehyun nodded, more to himself. he must’ve remembered the times. “well there’s two letters now,” taehyun motioned to the letters, “so maybe the loop will change? i mean, i obviously know about the letter and the contents and you’re still here. that has to mean something, right?” you nodded in agreement, ignoring the fact that he essentially just rejected you again. it honestly didn’t even phase you anymore after all this time.

“what if our loops merged and mine now ends when yours does?” you threw out. it would make sense as to why you’re still on the bench talking. taehyun shrugged, “it’s possible…”

you turned to him fully, your hopeful eyes gleaming in the sunny afternoon light. “there’s two of us now, i can help you save your friend! and we can get them and chaewon together and come up with a plan! maybe saving them is what gets us out of the time loop.” when you noticed that he wasn’t responding, you shrunk back a little into the bench. “…if you’re okay with that.” you added in a quiet voice.

you could practically see the gears in taehyun’s head turning as he thought. it was another moment before he opened his mouth to respond to your proposal. “i guess it wouldn’t hurt… and while we’re at it we can test the time loop merging theory.” taehyun finally said. a wide grin pushed its way onto your face. you began cleaning up your things, making sure to shove the letter back into your bag even if he already knew about it, as you stood to your feet. taehyun gave you a confused look.

“where are you going?” he asked you. you gave him a confused smile, “to go get your friend and chaewon… if we’re gonna save your friend we have to start now!” taehyun slowly began cleaning his stuff up. “but… we have classes…” you let out a loud laugh and taehyun stood to his feet after putting his stuff away. “what’s a class that you’ve experienced almost six hundred times to saving your friend?”

taehyun slowly started to nod, “you’re right.” you nodded back to him. “of course i am. let’s go save your friend!” you grabbed his wrist and pulled him in the direction of the dorms. chaewon didn’t have a class right now, if you remember correctly.

you wished you were in a loop of seeing chaewon’s face when you brought taehyun to your dorm room instead of him rejecting you. chaewon in fact didn’t have classes, you were right. you pushed the door open to your shared dorm room, scaring her half to death. chaewon’s eyes widened and her mouth went slack as you pulled taehyun into the room and shut the door.

“change of plans…” you spoke, turning to the two of them. you motioned a finger in between you and taehyun. “he’s in a time loop too and we’re gonna save his friend from dying.” if chaewon’s jaw could drop further it would. she sputtered for a moment, trying to push her words out. “i know, i know. i was shocked and very embarrassed too. but we have work to do.”

taehyun turned to you. “embarrassed?” he asked. you felt your cheeks heat up. did he really have to ask that question? “well… you did reject me almost six hundred times. and you have memories of every single one. that is very embarrassing for me…” you turned away from him, suddenly finding your desk very interesting, as you talked. you heard an “oh…” from behind you and felt yourself die a little more inside.

you pulled out an empty unused notebook from your desk drawer and turned back to chaewon and taehyun. chaewon managed to pick her jaw off the floor and her eyes weren’t as wide. “who are we saving?” chaewon asked. the two of you turned to taehyun. his eyes widened ever so slightly from the sudden spotlight. “um… his name is hueningkai. he’s my best friend.” chaewon nodded, looking down slightly. “let’s get to work then! we have people to save, everyone!”

taehyun then led the two of you back to where hueningkai’s class was happening, which was building b. the three of you were standing outside of his classroom when taehyun glanced inside. “he’s still in class, but we can just wait—“ he was cut off by you barging into the classroom. another good thing that came out of this loop is that you pretty much don’t have fear about anything anymore—for the most part.

you looked back at taehyun as the teacher stopped mid sentence and the group of students stared at you confused. “which one is him?” you asked him. taehyun gaped at you, eyes wide. you sighed and turned back to the class. “hueningkai?” you asked aloud. “please step forward. uh… it’s very import—important business that you’re needed for.” you then remembered the teacher and quickly added, “the dean sent us.”

the teacher waved his hand and a guy close to the back stood slowly. hueningkai packed his things up and made his way to the front of the classroom. you gave him an awkward smile as the two of you walked out of the classroom, shutting the door behind you.

it was dead silent as the four of you walked out of the building. once you were in the clear of listening ears, you stopped and turned. hueningkai’s eyebrows were raised in confusion, an awkward smile on his face, as he looked between you and taehyun. “there’s no important business from the dean, she lied,” chaewon said. taehyun stepped towards hueningkai. “look, kai, this is gonna sound really weird but—“

you stepped to hueningkai and put your hands on his shoulders as you looked him in the eyes. “listen man, you’re gonna die today.” you heard a gasp come from behind you and taehyun started to say your name. you ignored both. “but that’s okay! because us two—” you motioned to you and taehyun with a finger “—are stuck in a time loop and we’re gonna save you!” you released him and took a couple steps back, nodding to yourself with a satisfied smile.

hueningkai looked absolutely terrified. “i’m gonna die?!” he exclaimed, taking a step back. chaewon took quick steps towards him, trying to give comfort. “no! well… i mean, yes, but we’re gonna stop that from happening!” she gave you a sharp glare and you noticed that taehyun had his head in his hands. maybe telling him outright was a bad idea…

taehyun pushed the two of you back. “kai… you get into an accident at eight forty-five… you don’t end up making it. i’ve been trapped in this time loop trying to make sure that you don’t die.” hueningkai took a deep breath as he stared at taehyun with furrowed eyebrows. he then ran a hand through his dark hair. “okay… so i die today. never thought i would say that.” hueningkai looked between the three of you. “so how do i not die today?”

you pulled the notebook out of your bag as you began coming up with the pillars of the plan. “first, we all go together in some safe space where we know nothing’s going to happen to you. also so we can see how far we can push the day before it resets for taehyun and i.” you started. “how about our dorm room?” chaewon asked. you turned to taehyun and hueningkai. they looked at each for a second before shrugging. “let’s head there now then!” you added.

thankfully nothing happened on the walk from hueningkai’s class to your dorm room. chaewon had gone out to get snacks and other things for the long night you all were about to have. you all decided that you were gonna skip the rest of your classes as well.

you were in the process of writing the ways that taehyun had tried to save hueningkai that ultimately ended up failing when hueningkai asked, “just how many times have you watched me die?” there was a pained expression on taehyun’s face that he tried to mask with a wistful smile. he looked towards you, “how many loops has it been now?” you stopped to think. “this is the five hundred and forty-ninth loop.” taehyun turned back to hueningkai. “um… about five hundred and forty-seven times, give or take.” hueningkai’s face paled significantly.

taehyun scrunched his face up as he looked back towards you. “if this loop just resets, what’s the point of writing this all down then?” that made you stop dead in your tracks. what was the point? “can’t you take a picture of it?” hueningkai asked. taehyun had filled him in on everything on the walk to the dorms. you looked at him with knitted eyebrows. “well, you said the polaroids stayed when you went into a new loop… just take a picture of it!” he added.

you guess that made sense. “but what if they don’t stay since it’s not of us?” taehyun asked. you pulled your polaroid camera from your bag and held up the notebook next to taehyun’s face as you got close. you quickly snapped the picture and sat it down on the hardwood floor in the center of you all as you waited for it to develop. “problem solved!” you smiled. taehyun blinked rapidly at you.

just then, chaewon came through the door with a couple bags in her hands. “i got snacks!” she exclaimed. she sat them on her desk and sat in the empty spot of the semi-circle. “what did i miss?” she asked as she leaned over to look at the newly developed polaroid on the ground. “writing down all the ways taehyun failed to save my life!” hueningkai laughed, before he saw the grave expression on taehyun’s face. “joking!” he then quickly added. hueningkai put his hand on taehyun’s shoulder. “it’s okay taehyun, we’re gonna figure it out. i’m gonna get saved and you’re both gonna get out of this time loop!”

“speaking of…” you trailed. you held the camera up so the four of you were all in frame. “say cheese!” you said, smiling for the camera. you heard a chorus of “cheese!” behind you as you snapped the picture. you sat that polaroid next to the other one on the floor. “just to make explaining more easier.” you added.

“if you keep snapping pictures you’re gonna run out of film,” said taehyun. you laughed a little, “it’s practically unlimited, given the loop.” he shrugged slightly, agreeing with you. “have either of you figured out why you’re blurry in the pictures?” chaewon asked you and taehyun. you both shook your head. hueningkai perked up. “maybe it’s because everyone and everything around you is essentially stagnant. like, technically none of us change by the end of the loop. we’ll all reset. but the two of you do—even if it’s not physically. you have the memories and experiences of the past however many loops you’ve been through!”

it was as if suddenly things started to click into place. “you’re right! if you think about it, we’ve been in this loop for like a year and a half days wise. yeah, some days were shorter and longer than others, but a year and a half nonetheless! time around us is kinda frozen if you think about it. maybe the camera picks up on that and we’re blurry because we’re the only things in motion!” you were waving your hands in the air, speaking a mile a minute, hoping you were getting your point across. taehyun’s face lit up more and more as you spoke and he nodded along.

“do you think it’s the same with our phones?” taehyun asked as he pulled out his phone. you all shrugged. he turned the camera towards you all and snapped a picture. taehyun turned back towards you all with a confused expression. hueningkai leaned next to him over his phone. “what is it?” you asked as you leaned forward. “it didn’t even take the picture… how weird,” taehyun replied. you looked over at chaewon. she raised an eyebrow at you, “maybe it’s because it’s new technology?” none of you really had an explanation.

the rest of the night went by pretty insignificantly. you all had gotten a bunch of blankets to make a makeshift bed on the floor for taehyun and hueningkai. everything started to go wrong in the middle of the movie you were all watching.

the four of you were sitting on the floor, a laptop with the movie playing in front of you, when all of a sudden you heard coughing. you snapped your head over to hueningkai, who’s face was turning red by the second. “oh my god! is he choking?” you heard chaewon ask as taehyun started frantically hitting hueningkai’s back. you jumped up to grab a water bottle.

handing the water bottle to hueningkai, he croaks out, “it’s my throat…” he tried getting the water bottle open to no avail. “is he allergic?” you turned to taehyun and asked, referring to the popcorn you were all eating. he was practically drowning hueningkai with water as he rapidly shook his head. hueningkai was turning blue. you, taehyun, and chaewon were all flying around the small dorm room trying anything to help hueningkai but it seemed as if nothing was working.

suddenly, it seemed as if everything stopped. you looked to taehyun, who had frozen in his spot. he looked back to you, his eyes wide and glossy, and you realized that hueningkai’s chest wasn’t moving.

the next moment, you were waking up in your bed the morning of february fourteenth, marking the five hundred and fiftieth loop. you didn’t waste any time. the polaroids from the last loop sat on top of your dresser where you had put them before the movie. you grabbed them just as chaewon came into the dorm room.

convincing her wasn’t that hard to begin with, but it was significantly easier with the polaroids. especially the one of the four of you. the two of you rushed to your morning class that you shared with taehyun, hoping that he has the same idea with hueningkai.

you saw him rushing up the hallway opposite from you, a confused hueningkai in tow. you barely stopped for a breath when you reached them as you pulled out the polaroids. “time loop, understand?” you asked hueningkai. he looked at the polaroid for a brief moment before nodding. you exhaled and doubled over, you and chaewon had practically ran across campus. looking down, you also realized that you were still in your pajamas.

“um… so that didn’t work…” you breathed, turning to taehyun. he simply nodded, eyes to the floor. he too was in his pajamas. the two of you must’ve looked crazy. “i don’t understand…” taehyun trailed off. he led the three of you towards the exit of the building. “if he wasn’t choking, then how did he…” he added, looking off to the side.

you stopped and waved them all over to the bench to sit. taehyun ran his hands through his hair. “i don’t know,” you spoke quietly. chaewon and hueningkai both gave you confused looks. you forgot that they didn’t remember the last loop. quickly, you filled them in on what happened, watching as shocked expression took over their faces.

“and you’re sure you’re not allergic to popcorn?” chaewon asked, leaning forward to look at hueningkai. “butter? salt? anything that goes into making popcorn?” hueningkai shook his head, “no… not at all. i’m confused as to how that happened too.”

taehyun was quiet next to you. his head was in his hands and he was bent over. you put a hand on his back as you leaned down a little. “taehyun?” you asked quietly. you felt him inhale deeply. he sat up slowly and rubbed at his eyes.

“five hundred and fifty times…” taehyun started. “five hundred and fifty times and you would think that i would be somewhat used to it by now. use to death.” he dragged his hands away from his eyes. they landed heavily in his lap. your hand moved from his back to his shoulder. taehyun turned to his right to face hueningkai, “i’m so sorry, kai. i don’t know how to save you.”

you shook your head at that even though he wasn’t facing you. taehyun continued, “at this point, i don’t even know if it’s possible. you would think it would be, given the circumstances, but each loop keeps proving me wrong. i don’t know what else to do, but i can’t just let you die.” his voice cracked as he spoke and got lower and lower until his last sentence was just above a whisper. you felt your heart break at his sentiment.

you couldn’t help but think about how foolish you’ve been for the majority of this time loop. you spent so much time trying to get taehyun to like you back while he’s spent the whole time loop trying to save his best friend from a brutal ending. that time could’ve been spent coming up with ideas together, using your combined ideas to try and save hueningkai from death. but no, you were changing your appearance and crying over the fact he kept rejecting you. how idiotic. your face flushed with shame and embarrassment.

“we are going to save him,” you spoke confidently. taehyun turned to you, his face was stained with tears. “how? i’ve tried everything and nothing has worked.” you stood from the bench, thankfully the area around you wasn’t that populated with students.

“we have to get to the roots of the time loop,” you said, hitting your fist on your palm. “we don’t know how we got into it, we don’t know how to get out of it, and we don’t know why we’re the only two who are initially aware of it. so we have to start listing what we do know and work from there. we both know how the time loop restarts, and it has basically been confirmed that our loop restarts have been merged.” you didn’t want to outright list the reason, it was clear they understood what it was. no use in pushing the knife deeper into the wound.

you continued, “we need to know if there’s a general cutoff point to each loop.” chaewon nodded along, “do you remember what the time was when the last loop ended?” she spoke softly as she glanced over to taehyun and hueningkai. you shook your head. taehyun wiped his cheeks and furrowed his brows. “i think it was midnight?” he said, uncertainty in his voice. “i remember checking my phone like ten minutes before everything happened and it was 11:47pm.”

“and you said i was completely fine before…” hueningkai motioned over to you. you nodded. “so i would say that the general cutoff would be midnight, or the second before. it would make sense… you’re only limited to this one day within the loop.” hueningkai looked around at the three of you, seeing if you got what he was saying. you all nodded.

you motioned for them all to stand. “alright let’s go then!” taehyun stood and gave you a confused look, “go where?” you gave him a slightly amused look as you raised your eyebrows. “we’re gonna need a lot more than a notebook if we’re gonna plan this all out.”

you were thankful that you were on a college campus, so the confused and curious looks were at a minimum as the four of you carried four large poster boards across the sidewalks. you were heading to the library where chaewon had set up a meeting room for you all to sit down and work through your plan.

once you got to the library and the room chaewon had reserved, you breathed in deeply as you shut and locked the door behind you. hueningkai was laying the poster boards across the large table side by side. you walked over and began opening the pack of permanent markers you had bought as taehyun put both of your polaroid cameras on the table.

“okay,” you sighed as you began, opening the marker and leaning over the table to write on one of the poster boards. in big letters at the top you wrote ‘WHAT WE KNOW’ and added a bullet point for the loop ending at midnight, or the second before, exactly. “so we know that the loop ends at least the second before midnight.” you spoke and stood straight. “and we know that hueningkai wasn’t choking on anything. so that means we can conclude it was some magic of the time loop itself. the next thing we need to figure out is how to trick the loop.”

taehyun turned to look up at you from his seat next to you. “trick the loop? what do you mean?” before you could speak, chaewon did. “the day was just about to change, right, meaning that you had almost broken the loop. but at the last moment, hueningkai suddenly died. that means that somehow the time loop itself is aware. which means—“

“we have to trick it!” you, chaewon, taehyun, and hueningkai said in unison. their faces all brightened and you smiled to yourself. hueningkai’s eyebrows knitted together slightly. “but how do we trick the all-knowing time loop into believing i’m dead without me, you know, actually dying?” he asked, causing a couple chuckles to be let out around the room. the tension in the air lifted a little and your smile widened with newfound hope.

you leaned back over to the next poster board and reached over to the top of it. “by entering what i like to call phase two,” you spoke as you wrote ‘PHASE TWO’ on the poster board. under it you wrote, ‘WE KILL HUENINGKAI AND REVIVE HIM JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT.’ you looked up to wide eyes looking back at you. “and just how are you expecting us to do that?” taehyun interjected.

you smiled at him, eyes burning brightly, “it’s simple. we stop hueningkai’s heart three to four minutes before midnight—preferably three to be safe. in the seconds before it actually hits midnight, we perform cpr and save him!” it seemed like a good idea to you. i mean, it was really the only idea. hueningkai scrunched his face up, “i don’t know about this…”

“we’ll it’s either you die—briefly—and get revived, or you just straight up die. so pick your poison,” chaewon said. you heard taehyun mutter “jesus…” under his breath. hueningkai blinked at her.

“i guess either way i’m dying, so i would prefer it to not be permanent,” hueningkai spoke. you nodded in satisfaction. “how are we even gonna kill him in a way that doesn’t actually hurt him? in a way we can actually bring him back?” taehyun asked you. your smile fell slightly, you hadn’t really thought that part through. before you could say that you weren’t exactly sure, a phone ringing cut you off.

hueningkai looked around at the three of you with a sheepish smile as he pulled the ringing phone from his pocket. he looked down at the caller id, “it’s my sister. i’m sorry, i gotta take this.” a worried expression passed across taehyun’s face as he began to stand. “no, you stay. i’ll go with him. the two of you remember all the other loops anyways, you need all the information you can get,” chaewon said as she stood to her feet. taehyun hesitated before nodding and falling back down on his seat. hueningkai and chaewon left the room, leaving you inside alone with taehyun.

you pulled out the chair in front of you, which was directly next to taehyun, and sat down. you wished that your heart didn’t speed up at the fact that you were alone with him. even now, your feelings for him haven’t changed. you were still in love with him, the confession letter still sat heavily in your bag.

“y/n?” taehyun asked. you turned to him in question. “i just wanted to say thank you. you know, for helping me in all this to save kai. you didn’t have to, but you did anyways, and i’m grateful for that. clearly, i wouldn’t have been able to do it alone.” you smiled softly at him. “it’s no problem! i mean, we’re in this together. literally.”

taehyun laughed at that and it made your heart soar. you were happy you could make him laugh after seeing him cry earlier. glad that you could give him some hope in this fucked up situation. “seriously though, y/n. thank you,” taehyun smiled at you, his eyes boring into yours. you gave a nod in response, your smile warming. “i’m here for you!” taehyun’s smile widened.

you were just doing what anyone would do if they were in this situation. there wasn’t any need to put you on some pedestal and give you a good person award because of it.

before you could get too lost in taehyun’s eyes, you turned back to the poster boards with heated cheeks. under ‘WHAT WE KNOW,’ you began filling in everything that you were a hundred percent certain of about the time loop, taehyun aiding you. when hueningkai and chaewon came back inside the room, thankfully none of them harmed, the two of you were shoulder to shoulder, each writing on seperate poster boards. taehyun had used the third poster board to write down things he tried that failed to save hueningkai, ‘WHAT FAILED’ written at the top.

hueningkai and chaewon had sat in the seats across from you two, looking at everything you had added. “do you think there’s a way we could make these stay between loops? like the letters and polaroids besides taking a picture?” taehyun asked you, waving a hand with a marker in it over the poster boards. you sat back in your seat in thought and looked over to the polaroids that were spread out next to the cameras.

you tried thinking of an idea, but came up blank. “i have no clue. i mean, it has to be possible. we still don’t really know why there are two letters.” it was silent for a moment as everyone thought it over. “you said your loops essentially merged to join his, right?” chaewon asked you, causing you to nod. “and you said that when that happened, the letter was missing and the loop ended suddenly, causing the letter to duplicate and for you both to have one. now the time loop restarts for the both of you when he—“ she jabbed a thumb in hueningkai’s direction “—dies. have you tried seeing what happens what happens when… you know…” chaewon trailed, referring to you getting rejected.

you glanced over to taehyun to see that his eyes were fixed onto the table, cheeks flushed. you bet you didn’t look too different. you both haven’t really talked much about that part of the loop. granted, you had better things to worry about. “i mean… just to make sure that the loop doesn’t restart…” chaewon added awkwardly.

clearing your throat, you reached for your book bag to pull out the letter. you sat it on the table between you and taehyun and looked at him. “well… let’s try it so we can add it to the list.” just like that, awkward tension grew in the room.

taehyun swallowed thickly and reached for the letter. opening it, he read over the contents swiftly, already knowing exactly what it says. he looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours. “i… i’m sorry, y/n, but i…— don’t feel the same way about you.” taehyun folded the letter back up as he looked away. you looked down to your feet. the tension in the air grew thicker.

silence hung in the air for a few moments, before you couldn’t take any more of it. “okay! we’re still here, so…” you turned to write on the ‘WHAT WE KNOW’ poster board. you then looked around the room. everyone was avoiding each other’s eyes. “back to figuring out ways to kill hueningkai… any ideas that won't ultimately hurt him in the long run?”

“what if i held my breath?” hueningkai asked, causing you and the others to laugh. you breathed a sigh of relief as the tension started to dissipate. “that wouldn’t work, your body would literally make you start breathing again,” taehyun replied, a grin playing on his lips.

chaewon face brightened with an idea, “what if we drowned him!” you, hueningkai, and taehyun gave her a shocked look and chaewon then realized she said that a bit too enthusiastically. “i would rather not be drowned,” hueningkai exclaimed as he gave a small smile to chaewon, a laugh at the edges of his voice. she chuckled slightly in return.

“suffocation?” taehyun offered. hueningkai tilted his head, “and would you be doing the honors of holding the pillow over my face?” taehyun smirked at him and replied, “if you want!” as they talked, you were writing all the ideas down, excluding hueningkai holding his breath.

hueningkai clapped his hands together, “suffocation it is!”

“what if your body starts fighting back?” you asked, genuinely curious. hueningkai hummed in thought. from the corner of your eye you could see taehyun stifling a laugh. “make sure you tie me down then,” hueningkai replied.

“kinky,” taehyun muttered under his breath, backing away from hueningkai’s attempt to shove him from across the table with a grin. you finished writing and put the cap on the marker, tapping it against the table. “let’s get to it then!” you smirked.

suddenly, chaewon spurted, “what if when you past midnight, things change for the worst?” everyone stopped in their tracks and the room fell deathly silent. what did she mean ‘change for the worst’? the thought seeped into your head like ink and you tried not to let it spread over your thoughts. “that won’t happen,” hueningkai assured everyone, though he didn’t seem to believe his own words that much. if you were in his position—hell, you don’t even need to be in his position—you wouldn’t believe them either.

you glanced over to taehyun who, in turn, was already looking at you with wide eyes. his thoughts in them were clear; we all have to make it past midnight alive and well. all of us.

back at you and chaewon’s dorm, it was twenty minutes until midnight and you could feel the stress swirling around the room. you all basically spent the whole day in your dorm room, staring at the walls, too scared to eat or drink or even watch anything on the off chance it might somehow kill hueningkai.

at some point, chaewon suggested that you all got to know each other. you didn’t miss the sly smirk she gave you either, deciding to ignore it with a roll of you eyes. halfway through, she suddenly struck up a conversation with hueningkai about some school topic that you knew she didn’t have any interest in, leaving you and taehyun to continue the game alone.

deep down, you felt thankful for chaewon, even if she was deliberately trying to set you up right now. honestly, you didn’t know how you would’ve got through this time loop without her.

you and taehyun started asking the randomest of questions to each other. spanning from what your favorite color was to if you had to be any planet in the solar system, which planet would it be and why. your face was flushed with heat that you hoped he didn’t notice as the two of you grew closer. the confession letter burned hotly in your bag across the room, you could feel it like a tether to your soul, begging you to come closer. to reveal it.

during the exchange, you and taehyun somehow got closer and closer to each other as you answered the questions. the two of you were laughing and smiling at each other as your knees and shoulders brushed together from your closeness. you hadn’t even realized that chaewon and hueningkai were whispering to each other now as they stared at the two of you.

the night continued like that up till now. the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. hueningkai was laying on your bed, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. chaewon kept her eyes on the clock on her phone. she downloaded an app that allowed her to see down to the millisecond. you and taehyun were still sitting on the floor, just as close as you had been the whole day.

you looked at him and his eyes trailed over to yours from where he was watching hueningkai on the bed. you gave him a slight nod, squeezing his knee briefly before standing to your feet. “we should get ready,” you said. the others nodded in agreement.

ten minutes until midnight and the pillow was shaking in taehyun’s hands as he stood at the edge of the bed, looking down to hueningkai. you stood next to him and chaewon stood behind you, giving you updates on the time. “it’s okay taehyun,” hueningkai whispered as he looked at him. taehyun just shook his head solemnly in response.

hueningkai sat up, throwing his feet over the edge of the bed in between you and taehyun. “i’m gonna try holding my breath,” he spoke. taehyun opened his mouth to argue, but hueningkai swiftly cut him off with, “i’m holding my breath. if it doesn’t work, well, you guys are in a time loop...” he scooted backwards so his back was flush with the wall.

“five minutes until midnight,” chaewon announced. hueningkai looked at the both of you. “be ready to revive me…” he trailed. hueningkai opened his mouth wide, gulping in as much air as he possibly could before closing it tightly with puffed cheeks. he closed his eyes, letting his head hang and his body relax.

you felt something squeeze your hand tightly and glanced down to see that it was taehyun’s hand. you felt it tremble as his locked nervous stare remained on hueningkai. “two minutes,” chaewon breathed out.

hueningkai’s face was turning purple and you wanted to advert your eyes so badly but couldn’t let yourself. his body watch twitching as it fought against him and his eyes squeezed together tighter. at this point, you didn’t know if it was him or the magic of the time loop taking over. hueningkai’s body went still and he fell over limply, his final breath smoking out between newly parted lips, just as chaewon called, “one minute, it’s go time!”

taehyun was squeezing your hand so tightly you thought it might break, but you didn’t make any moves to remove it from his grasp. chaewon started to count to twenty and as soon as she hit it, taehyun jumped into action. he pulled hueningkai towards him and the two of you got him down to the ground as gently and as fastly as you could. chaewon started doing cpr on him and there was nothing you and taehyun could do but watch and wait.

chaewon had thrown her phone to you when she dropped to the ground, and you took over managing the time. “thirty seconds!” you shouted, as chaewon started pushing on hueningkai’s chest in regulated increments and blowing air into his mouth.

“ten seconds,” you managed nervously. hueningkai still wasn’t breathing. you heard taehyun’s heavy breathing next to you as you watched the numbers grow closer to midnight. with your eyes still on the clock, you took taehyun’s hand as the final three seconds were up.

you woke up in your bed, confession letter on your nightstand, on the five hundred and fifty-first loop. you jumped to your feet, wasting no time as you grabbed your things, when there was rapid knocking at your door. you turned to the door in confusion. when you opened it, a frazzled looking taehyun was on the other side. you beckoned him in.

“so stupid…” taehyun muttered under his breath as he paced the room. “so stupid to let that idiot hold his breath, what was i thinking?” you walked up to him and put your hands on his shoulders, forcing him to stop his pacing and to look at you. “taehyun, take a deep breath,” you said as you stared into his eyes intently. you felt his shoulders rise and fall as he obeyed your command, his eyes fluttering closed. he took another before opening them again.

taehyun took your hands in his. “we’re gonna save him,” you said softly. “all of this isn’t just on your shoulders, okay? we’re in this together. let me share some of the weight.” taehyun’s eyes were trained to the ground as he nodded. just then, chaewon entered the room.

she saw the two of you, your close stance and intertwined hands, and froze mid walk. her mouth opened but you broke away from taehyun and strode up to her before she could say anything. “chaewon! we need your help! we’ll explain on the way.”

later that day, the four of you were once again in you and chaewon’s dorm room. ten minutes until midnight on the clock and taehyun gripped the pillow in his hands so hard his knuckles were white. hueningkai was laying flat on your bed again, looking up to the ceiling.

“five minutes, go time,” chaewon said as she moved closer to the two of you. you gave taehyun an encouraging smile as hueningkai closed his eyes. inside, your stomach churned. you really hoped it worked this time, you don’t know how many times you could watch taehyun essentially kill his best friend to save his life. your heart ached for taehyun, you didn’t know how many more times he could watch his best friend die—let alone be the one to kill him.

taehyun lifted the pillow mere inches above hueningkai’s face. the pillow shook from his trembling. “i’m so sorry, kai,” taehyun whispered, letting the pillow fall from his hands. he took a large step backwards and folded into himself.

you couldn’t let this loop go to waste. springing into action, you inhaled deeply as you pushed the pillow down onto hueningkai’s face. behind you, you heard chaewon say, “you’re on time.” chaewon was then next to you, holding hueningkai down to make sure he didn’t move.

“tw—two minutes,” taehyun’s voice shook. hueningkai’s body stilled once again and you and chaewon brought him to the floor to begin cpr.

“ten s-seconds,” stuttered taehyun. chaewon was laser focused on reviving as you sat and watched. in your head, you counted down. hueningkai didn’t wake back up.

sighing, you woke up to the five hundred and fifty-fifth loop; the others failing once again. four times hueningkai had died. four more times you had failed to save him. this time, chaewon had the idea of hueningkai drinking a bunch of energy drinks before his untimely demise to help jumpstart his heart better. when she said it, you all looked at her with amusement, but any idea is better than no ideas right about now.

taehyun was at your door again, like he was for the past four loops. when he entered, he immediately pulled you into his embrace. for once, the time loop was good for something, you thought. it’s a blessing that the two of you don’t dream, you feared that that would break taehyun completely.

you rubbed taehyun’s back as he tried to stop himself from shaking. he pulled away slightly as he looked into your eyes. “y/n, i know the two of us have grown closer through dubious means, but i am truly glad i got to know you. even if this time loop never ends, even if i have to watch my best friend die over and over and over again, at least you’re there by my side. at least you’re the constant hope that’s here keeping me grounded.” taehyun cupped your cheek, pausing to take a shaky breath.

briefly, he glanced over to your nightstand where your confession letter laid next to your unmade bed. “it’s funny, february thirteenth—god, that feels like a lifetime ago—there was a singular shooting star that night. i was with kai and he was egging me on to make a wish. ‘to always be by his side,’ i wished, ‘to be his best friend forever and to keep him safe. to stay in his moment of happiness where nothing can even fathom touching us.’” taehyun let out a wry laugh before continuing. “the night he first died, i prayed for a miracle, for something, anything. screamed at the sky at the fact that shooting stars were pointless.”

he looked back to your eyes, a glossy layer covering his own. you quietly inhaled at his vulnerability, it all taking you off guard despite the amount of times you’ve seen him cry now. you intertwined your hands together, like you’ve done for the past four loops.

“i know now that shooting stars don’t fly for me. that miracles are one in a million. but despite all of that, you still give me hope. and i know that no matter what happens, we’ll still see each other again,” taehyun concluded. tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes and taehyun brought his hands back to your cheeks softly.

it was as if time moved in slow motion, taehyun moving towards you. when his lips pressed to yours, it was as if all the stars had aligned. you felt the morning sun heat your skin through your open blinds. he was wrong, shooting stars did fly, and they flew for the both of you.

when you both pulled away, slightly out of breath, you couldn’t help the smile that was on your lips. “i made a wish too,” you said quietly, just loud enough for him to hear. “that no matter the outcome, no matter if you accepted my confession or rejected it, you’d continue being the person i grew feelings for. that your smile would always light up a room and bring joy to all of those around you. that i’d get to see your smiling face, full of happiness, everyday. that you’d always be happy.” as you spoke, the smile on taehyun’s face only grew wider, warming your heart and proving your point.

“shooting stars do fly for you, i’ll make sure of it if i have to. and you’re right,” you booped his nose slightly making him giggle, “we will see each other again. and you’ll see hueningkai again on a day that isn’t this dreaded godforsaken day. i’ll make sure of it.” taehyun pulled you in for another kiss just as chaewon entered. the two of you didn’t mind her, pulling each other closer.

“ten minutes,” chaewon called. at this point, you didn’t even need her announcements. you had the time down to a science. you looked to hueningkai, “you’re gonna live. i promise you that.” he looked over to you, a wide and wishful smile spreading across his face. how you wished that he and chaewon could remember the loops with you and taehyun. the four of you had grown so close given the circumstances that it made you sad that the slate got erased each time. but, it also made you happy. once you were all out of this time loop you could start anew, fresh. at least, in a way.

no doubt this time loop will always follow you and taehyun, like a ghost clinging to your shoulders. i mean, it’s been all you’ve known for so long, how could it not? you just hope you’re able to move past it and finally live normal lives.

“i hope so!” hueningkai exclaimed. you felt it deep inside. this time, your plan was gonna work. hueningkai downed the small case of energy drinks, cringing at the taste of them, and laid back down. he nodded at you and taehyun, signifying he was ready. “five minutes,” chaewon spoke, passing her phone to taehyun. you gave taehyun a smile. it was going to work this time.

the pillow came down and hueningkai’s body stilled as there were two minutes until midnight. you and chaewon brought him to the floor and the three of you crowded around his body. taehyun took your hand, giving it a squeeze, as you looked at each other. chaewon began cpr.

ten seconds until midnight and counting, chaewon shouted that she had a pulse. five seconds until midnight, hueningkai gasped in a breath of air and his eyes fluttered open. for the first time in all of the five hundred and fifty-five loops you’ve been through, you watched as taehyun cried tears of happiness. the three of you pulled hueningkai into your arms, laughing with joy at the fact that he was still alive.

“it’s 12:01am,” hueningkai’s raspy voice spoke as he pointed to chaewon’s discarded phone next to you all. you let out a gasp as you and taehyun stared at each other with wide eyes. “we did it,” he spoke, disbelief rounding the edges of his voice. “we did it!” you echoed, a large smile breaking out on your face. you bent down and hugged hueningkai, “you’re alive!”

you felt a pull deep within you, and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in your dorm room again. confusion pulled your brows and you stood to your feet slowly, looking at the confession letter on your nightstand in slight horror. no, this couldn’t be. this was impossible.

taehyun burst through the door of your room a minute later, not even bothering to knock, with a sleepy hueningkai behind him. chaewon was a close second behind them. with wide eyes, taehyun exclaimed, “he remembers! the time loop, he remembers!”

“i remember too!” chaewon laughed. you all let out shocked laughs, not quite sure how else to react. the four of you fell into a group hug. you would kill to see an outside perspective of all of this. four frazzled college students in their various pajamas with the weight of the world on their shoulders, seeing things that nobody else has seen before. it would sure be a sight to behold.

“so is this just a regular day then?” hueningkai asked, his voice muffled between the layers of clothing. “we get through today and tomorrow will finally not be valentine’s day?” you laughed as you pulled away, the others doing the same. “we just gotta get through today!”

taehyun turned to hueningkai, “you will not be leaving my sight today. we don’t need to enter another time loop.” hueningkai laughed and just nodded, a smile lingering on his lips. “what’s another day indoors?” chaewon smiled.

you all spent the day in taehyun and hueningkai’s dorm instead of you and chaewon’s. you all desperately needed the change of scenery. at one point, you all became curious to see if anybody else remembered the last loop besides the four of you. hueningkai managed to convince taehyun to let him roam around the dorms with chaewon to find out, “i just can’t say no to him,” taehyun had said.

when the two of you were alone in the dorm room, you pulled your confession letter out of your bag and presented it in front of taehyun. he laughed a little, “what are you doing?” you smiled, pushing it towards him more. “will you be my valentine?”

taehyun took the letter and opened it, like he did so many times before that he could read every word by heart. tell you where each spec of glitter resided on the pink paper. he read over the letter one more time, mock surprise and shock on his face. “i like you too, of course i’ll be your valentine.” he pulled you in for a gentle kiss, smiling against your lips as you giggled.

“will you be my girlfriend?” taehyun asked once you pulled away. your smile widened, “i don’t know… maybe you’ll have to ask me over and over and over for me to decide.” he playfully rolled his eyes at your teasing. “i’ve liked you since the beginning, you know. you didn’t think i didn’t notice you staring at me in class? sitting just in the right seat so i’m always in your view?” you face heated tremendously and taehyun laughed as his thumbs brushed over your warm cheeks. “you didn’t notice that we were always in at least one class together? how no matter where one of us sat, we could still see each other?”

you pressed your lips to his to shut him up, not needing any more embarrassment. “i’ll be your girlfriend,” you chuckled as you pulled away. “it’s already bad enough you remember the early loops—god, i’ll never live that embarrassment down!”

“it was cute to see how much you liked me! i only rejected you because i had to focus on saving kai. if we weren’t in that stupid time loop we would’ve been together ages ago!” taehyun said, causing you to smile warmly at him. you laid your head on his shoulder and he laid his head on top of yours. “you know, at the campfire party, i was gonna ask you out but you spoke before i could and the loop restarted before i could say anything.”

you pulled away and whipped your head to face him, “what?” you urged him to explain himself. laughing, taehyun said, “yeah! when the letter magically flew into my hands? i had came up to you to ask you out but you assumed i was there to reject you again, which i mean, i don’t blame you for…” you looked at him in shock.

shoving taehyun lightly, you gasped in disbelief before pulling him towards you into a kiss. the door to his dorm jiggled dramatically, causing you both to pull away with a laugh. chaewon and hueningkai came into the room with shielded eyes. “you both decent?” chaewon asked. you just shook your head at them which chuckling, “we weren’t doing anything, assholes.” they uncovered their eyes and stepped further into the room, closing the door.

they sat down in front of you, giving each other a look and then high-fiving. you raised an eyebrow at them. “finally the two of you got together! chaewon and i were talking and it’s ridiculous how you both didn’t see how much you liked each other,” hueningkai said. you looked over to taehyun to see him roll his eyes, a small smile on his face.

the four of you stayed in the dorms for the rest of the day, hanging out and chatting together. you were happy you were getting to know them better, even if you did slightly freak them out with information they technically never told you about.

you were all leaned over chaewon’s phone, five minutes until midnight. taehyun’s eyes were on kai like a hawk and you could tell kai was nervous too by the way he kept fidgeting with the string on his pajama pants. “deep breaths everyone, everything is gonna be okay,” you said encouragingly. inhales we’re heard around the circle and the tension started to lift a little.

“ten seconds,” chaewon announced. you all watched as the numbers climbed to midnight, and then to 12:01 and 12:02 and all the way to 12:05am. taehyun let out a long sigh of relief, closing his eyes briefly. “thank god, i’m starving!” kai said. you and chaewon jumped to your feet in excitement. “we fucking did it!” you shouted in celebration, pulling the two boys up to join you. you pulled the polaroid camera from out your bag and snapped a picture of the four of you, needing to cement this occasion forever.

“finally, february fifteenth, i could kiss the ground you walk on!” taehyun murmured, pulling you all into one big hug. you held onto them all. you had all made it, together. you tightened your grip on them, and you were never letting go.

© jjunieworld - all rights reserved. please do not repost on any social media sites, translate, or modify any of my works.

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[shadowkoo]

The Ex Text

→ Summary: The 2 AM texts have started again. It’s a bittersweet familiarity that you can’t run away from, and despite wishing to forget him: no one will ever measure up to the exceptional standard set by your ex, and you’ll never have anyone as good as him either. Like a permanent mark on your heart, Jungkook’s presence has become an insatiable craving, an addiction you'll never outgrow or cast aside.

↠ jungkook x f.reader | 3.2k words | 18+ ↠ genre: smut, pwp, ex with benefits, minor fluff & angst

→ Warnings: swearing, explicit sex, protected sex, scratching, breast play, spit/saliva play, infidelity (in the case that reader just started dating someone new), soft kissing, soft choking, rough kissing, ball squeezing, fingering, handjob, blowjob, cunnilingus, sloppy oral sex (female & male receiving), squirting, praising, teasing, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, hair pulling, doggy, deep dicking, posessive!jungkook has a hard time dealing with his feelings

→ Author note: This is an update of a fic I posted in January that desperately needed some editing (anyone else ever read their old fics and cringe??), I hope you enjoy the newest version bc i personally believe it’s so much better! If you’d like to read this on ao3 instead it’s been crossposted here! As always, all likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated <3

The pillow vibrates beneath your head as the notifications on your phone add up. Knowing it’s nowhere near time for you to get up, you roll over, choosing to ignore whatever, or rather, whoever is trying to reach you. Your plan works for another several minutes as you attempt to drift back to sleep, but your phone soon buzzes again, signaling another notification.

You groan and clumsily reach to turn the ringer off, but instead, your curiosity wins. After a couple of slow blinks, your eyes adjust to the blinding light and are able to focus on the screen; a couple of likes on your latest tweet, a new follower request for your insta, and three new texts from ‘The Ex’…

You groan again and check the time. 2 AM.

“Mmm, right on schedule, ‘Kook,” you drone sleepily to yourself, “Glad to see nothing’s changed.”

Invested now, and unfortunately awake, you unlock your phone to read the full texts.

2:03 AM

‘hey, u awake?’

2:07 AM

‘come over pls’

‘I’ll leave the door open’

Leaving the messages on read, you think about the two ways this could go.

One, you ignore him, just as you have been for the last month, and pretend like he means nothing to you.

Or two, you text him back, agree to come over, and wind up in a self-hate spiral the following days for allowing him to weasel back into your life.

A third groan leaves your body, realizing your heart is clouding your mind, having already made the decision. You type out your message and hover your thumb over the send button, before pressing firmly, unable to take it back.

2:11 AM

‘i hate you…i’ll be there in 5’

His response pops up just seconds later.

‘i’ll be waiting’

This routine is nothing new to you, as much as you hate to say it.

It’s not the first time since your break up that he’s asked you over. And it’s not the first time you’ve rushed to see him, to relive the good times spent between his sheets.

As promised, Jungkook left the door unlocked for you. His tall pup, Bam, meets you with a happy face and a wagging tail the second you crack the door open.

���Hi Bamy-Boo, I’ve missed you so much. How’s my good boy doing?” you ask after stepping into the quiet apartment, bending at the knees to give him a quick kiss on the head and some chin scratches.

“He’d be doing a lot better if you joined him in bed.”

Turning your head, your eyes land on Jungkook. He’s leaning against the wall outside his bedroom, with one of his hands combing through his tousled hair. And he’s wearing the beige-colored sweat set he knows drives you wild.

Damn him.

Your eyes wander to the waistband of his pants, where the faintest patch of skin shows through with his raised arm, before moving upward towards his face.

He’s grinning now.

“We need to stop doing this,” you sigh, not even attempting to deny that you were ogling him. He’s hot, you both know it. No point in sugar-coating or avoiding it. “You can’t keep texting me this time of night and expect me to come over.”

“You can leave any time you want, you know that,” he says taking a step closer to you, “Just like you know you don’t have to text me back. But you do.” He extends a hand, which you accept, and you stand up, letting him pull you up against his chest. “Because you want to come over. Because you know you want this.”

Jungkook doesn’t waste another second before placing his lips on yours. He’s warm and comforting, smelling of sage and citrus, just like always.

He pulls you away from the front door, which he locks, and leads you towards his room. Even in the dark, you remember the path to his bed, your body has it practically memorized.

“Come here,” he whispers softly while his fingers dance along the edge of your wrinkled pajama shirt, before lifting it over your shoulders.

You didn’t even bother changing out of your stained and slept-in pjs. Jungkook has seen you in far worse conditions. Plus you figured they wouldn’t remain on for very long, and much to your pleasure - you’re right.

Jungkook admires your breasts with his hands once your shirt is on the ground. “You’re gorgeous like this,” he whispers, cupping them and letting his thumbs rub across your nipples. Between his touch and the cool air, they harden almost immediately.

You lean into his body and your lips collide, meanwhile, his arms move around your body, crushing you against his chest.

He moans into your mouth, loving the way your fingers run through his messy hair. He doesn’t hide the fact that his cock twitches against his sweatpants when you tug lightly on his locks.

Jungkook could come in his pants just from simply kissing you and having you play with his hair, but he needs more. So much more.

He reaches for your pants, ready to remove them next. He’s desperate to undress you, to have your naked body pressed up against his. You’ve been ignoring his texts for too long lately. Even though he would never admit it, he’s missed you. A lot.

You help him take off the rest of your clothing until you’re bare before him, and Jungkook looks at you like he’s always looked at you. Like you’re the only person in the universe, you captivate his entire attention.

Nothing else matters when he’s with you.

He tears only his sweatshirt off before sitting down on the bed. Stretching back, he pats his lap with that same old smirk you’ve grown to love and hate simultaneously and motions for you to climb on top of him.

You do as he requests, resting each leg on either side of his hips so you’re straddling his waist.

“Come here,” he says quietly, pulling you closer to him, so he can leave wet kisses trailing down your neck from your earlobe to the dip above your collarbone.

His hands travel down your side as his lips move closer and closer to your breasts, his hot breath tickles your skin as he hovers over your sensitive nubs. He flicks each with his tongue, before closing his lips over one of your soft peaks, sucking it in between his teeth.

The sensation pulls an explicit moan from deep within your core. Jungkook’s ears perk up, loving the sounds coming from you, wanting to hear you make sounds like that all night.

Your thighs tense around him as he does it again to the other side, and you massage the growing tent in his sweats to tease him just the right amount.

Jungkook digs his fingers into your hips, pushing your bare center up against his hardness as you continue your circling torture. It’s his turn to lose himself. Fuck, he can feel your heat through the thin fabric, your readiness soaking into his sweatpants. His hands curve around the swell of your ass as your tongues twist together in harmony.

Grabbing his face, you kiss him deeply while slowly moving off the top of him, your hand replacing where your opening was previously. You moan into his mouth this time, feeling how hard he is for you as you rub him through his pants.

Your hand dips underneath the waistband and wraps around his velvety length. His length throbs in your hand while your thumb glides over his needy head. You’re stroking him slowly enough to drive him into a maddening frenzy.

“Fuck baby, I need more,” he rasps.

You give him exactly what he begs for.

He cries out when your hand dips lower to squeeze his balls without warning. You smirk, watching the emotions overtake his face as the pain mixes deliciously with pleasure while you hold him tightly in your hands. You wait a few seconds before releasing them and then work to take off his pants.

“Jesus Christ,” he gasps, catching his breath from your dangerous game. “What was that for?”

You take a mouthful of him to avoid answering. He doesn’t press the issue further as you gag over his thick cock.

Jungkook grabs a fistful of your hair as you bring him closer and closer to the edge. He helplessly watches as your reddened lips glide over him, your saliva dripping everywhere in the process.

“Mmm, just like that,” he hums, caressing your cheek as you bob your head up and down.

Pulling yourself from him to catch your breath, your mouth then leaves wandering kisses that lead you to his balls next. Sucking each into your hollowed cheeks, you take your sweet time and watch intently as Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow together.

“Shit baby, I’m about to lose it,” he breathes deeply, before moving your bodies so you’re below him.

You smirk, your legs open and ready with your fingers teasing your wet and inviting opening. “Then lose it.”

He groans. Leaning across your body, Jungkook opens the drawer on his nightstand and rummages through until his fingers land on the very familiar foil packet. He smirks for a moment at the thought floating around in his head, and then lets the male urge win and rips it open with his teeth.

“You did not just do that,” you laugh, “That’s so cheesy. What are you, a horny teenager?”

He grins wolfishly as he rolls the condom on, “Might as well be.”

The scent of your arousal has now filled the room, engulfing Jungkook, and making him ravenous for you. He’s starved and only your heat will tame his hunger.

Unable to wait any longer, his thick length dips inside you just enough to wet his tip. He pulls back out of you, sliding your wetness through your folds, preparing you for what is to come. Then, without a moment’s notice, he takes you hard and fast, thrusting into you with all his power.

Your nails dig into his back, leaving red trails from where they slide down his back and grip his ass.

The veins in Jungkook’s neck pop out as he slams into you again and again.

“Holy fuck, ‘Kook! Oh my god,” you cry out, holding onto him.

He looks so fucking hot with his hair stuck to his damp forehead. Your eyes follow the bead of sweat dripping down his temple.

Jungkook’s soft moans tickle your ear, while one of his hands creeps up to wrap around your neck. The pressure is gentle but firm, his fingers are placed exactly where they need to be to make you feel lightheaded and slightly delirious - everything you want and more.

“Do you still love me?” he pants as he thrusts into you harshly.

You blink, hesitating to answer that question.

“Fine, then answer me this, do you still love my cock?”

“Jungkook…” you sigh, tilting your head to the side. “Please don’t go there.”

He pretends he doesn’t hear you. “Tell me you’ve never had better,” he demands after flipping you over. Pulling your ass up towards him, he realigns his length with your center and thrusts back into you. One of his hands wraps around your waist, the other gets lost in your hair.

“Tell me how much you’ve missed me and my cock,” he growls into your ear as he slips out of you, only to ram back into you with all his strength.

Each thrust pushes you further into the bed and brings you closer to the edge. You’re biting the sheets to stop yourself from screaming out from the sinful pleasure.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” You moan uncontrollably while Jungkook continues his sweet torture. Lust, and possibly another L emotion, dripping off the words spilling from your mouth.

You couldn’t lie if you tried at this point. You’ve really missed this and him. And holy fuck, his cock too. “Oh my god, oh god!” you cry out. Waves of euphoria wash over your quivering body as you unfold around him.

The coil snaps deep inside you, your walls pulsating around him, sending shockwaves through his body as he finishes.

Jungkook moans your name one last time before feeling himself swell, and he fills the condom with his load. His thrusts slow down but don’t stop just yet.

It’s almost too much to handle, yet it’s still not enough. Jungkook knows this and reaches down to rub his thumb along your swollen clit, causing you to see starts as your next release comes, it sprays out of you involuntarily.

You freeze, not sure if you should embrace it or be embarrassed.

He grins, “That was fucking hot. I’ve never made anyone squirt before.” You feel a sense of pride hearing that. Good. You don’t want him to have it like this with anyone else. Woah, where did that thought come from?

Without missing a beat, Jungkook lifts your legs over his shoulders as he bends down so he’s face level with your heat. He admires your slit that’s still slick from his undoing. You moan uncontrollably the second he licks through your damp folds, lost on cloud nine while he buries his face in between your legs, hands on either side of them, holding you in place.

You’re writhing beneath him from the glorious torture of his tongue teasing your entrance, his nose purposefully rubs against your sensitive nub and two of his long fingers slide into you, curling at the right pace.

His rhythmic licks turn you into a quivering mess. Your insides twist and clench around his fingers as you come again, unashamed and all over his face this time.

“Fuck, you’re amazing,” he pants, moving back up toward the top of the bed and collapsing next to you, totally spent.

You kiss him messily, tasting yourself on his lips, and cuddle into his side as you both drift off into the night, sweaty and exhausted, just how it should be.

It’s early. You’re not sure how long you’ve both been in and out of sleep, but you know it’s almost time for you to leave. This is the longest you’ve spent in his bed since your break up. All the other late-night extravaganzas we’re just a couple of hours, if that.

You’re laying on his chest, listening to the sound of his steady heartbeat and your synced breathing, working up the energy to sit up. His fingers draw small circles on your back as you two rest. It’s surprisingly…peaceful. These are the moments you miss the most when you’re apart.

“I have a thing with the guys around tomorrow, well technically today. Want to come?” Jungkook asks out of the blue, his voice cutting through the silence.

“Can’t,” you decline, worried about where this conversation is about to go.

“And why is that, exactly?” he asks, even though he very well knows. You know he knows. He knows that you know that he knows. Which is frustrating, to say the least.

The previous peace you felt is short-lived. You sit up and lean on your elbow to look at him. “You know I’m going out with Taehyung now. You liked my Instagram pic of us together from earlier this week.”

“Well, I’m sorry to say that if you’re here with me, that must mean he’s either very boring or is terrible in bed. Or maybe both?” He leaves the question open-ended for you to answer.

You roll your eyes and start to get up, not in the mood to discuss this with him tonight, or ever really.

You don’t need to explain to him that Taehyung deserves so much more than someone who’s willing to cheat on him, and with an ex-boyfriend at that. You two haven’t exactly made things official but it’s still unbelievably inconsiderate of you to waste his time while you pine after Jungkook, a guy who dumped you four months ago but still refuses to give you up.

“No, don’t go,” he groans. “What I’m trying to say is-” he pauses, fighting whatever is going on in his brain. “I don’t want you seeing him anymore,” he says bluntly.

“Why?” You press, begging for any sort of answer.

“‘Cause…,” he says, holding back.

“Because why Jungkook, I need you to say more than that. I need you to be more, we can’t keep going on like this.”

“Because I love you, dammit!” He runs a hand through his hair and huffs. “Can’t you tell? Isn’t it obvious? I’m still hung up on you and don’t like seeing you moving on when I’m, I’m…stuck,” he breathes.

He loves you.

A moment passes.

He. Loves. You.

“Please say something. Anything.” He’s nervously searching your face for any sort of answer.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you’re still hung up on me,” he whines, pulling you back onto his chest.

Your voice softens, “You know that I am.”

He kisses you gently, making your heart flutter with the possibility.

“Then what’s stopping us?” He asks once your lips part from one another.

It’s your turn to huff, you have so much to say yet it’s all lost on you at this exact moment. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

“You’re the one who ended things.”

The streetlight shines in through his window, its light illuminating your body, highlighting your beautiful features that he just can’t get enough of. Why did he end things again?

“Yeah, well, I’m an idiot. What’s new?” he jokes, crawling over top of you, completely mesmerized by how gorgeous you are beneath him. He kisses you sweetly, his lips massaging yours as his heart pounds loudly in his chest. You didn’t say no. To Jungkook, that means there’s still a chance, and he’ll gladly take it.

One of his hands holds the back of your neck, tilting your head just the right amount for him to deepen the kiss. He moans into your mouth, his tongue playing with yours while his other hand finds its way between your legs.

A soft gasp escapes your lips when his fingers dip inside you. They twist and curl with perfect accuracy, bringing you closer and closer to bliss.

He has you practically begging for more, you’re already a panting mess. You reach for him, craving more, needing him closer but he refuses.

“Nope,” he grins playfully, pushing your chest gently so you lay back onto the bed, “I want to watch you come undone this time. I want to see you lose it when you come for me.”

Your back arches off the bed as you dance along the edge, squeezing your eyes shut you let his words do their magic.

“Be a good girl and come all over these fingers.” Your hips move helplessly, matching his speed as you chase the high.

“You’re luminous, absolutely divine, and all mine. Nobody can worship you as I do. Nobody else can make you feel this good.”

“No one compares to you,” you moan sensually as pleasure overtakes your body yet again, turning you into the mess he wants to see.

Your lips touch again after what feels like an eternity. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers, leaving another lazy kiss on your cheek, before moving to clean up the aftermath of your pleasures.

“Me too,” you say sleepily, pulling him back into your arms after he disposed of the condom. You feel yourself drifting off, about to fall into a soft slumber with your bodies entwined.

Jungkook grins, knowing he’s one step closer to convincing you to try again. He kisses you softly, lovingly, one more time before you both drift off into the early morning light.

©shadowkoo 2024. All rights reserved.

[winniethewife]

In Reverence of the Duke.

(Duke Leto Atreides x F!Reader)

Chapter 3: Foolish

Last chapter ~ Next chapter

Words: 850

My darling,

Is it silly to write to you while residing in the place? Quite possibly. But is this the best way to speak with you with my whole heart without anyone over hearing. The difficulty of being such an important figure. Always under observation. Someone is always listening. A sealed letter is the best way for us to communicate undetected.

I’m still reliving the moment you stepped onto the castle grounds again. The way you looked, enchanting as always. I forgotten how beautiful your eyes are, the way they look in the dawn, when the sun is just beginning to rise over the hills. I’d forgotten how lovely you are in the moonlight. The way it brings out your features. I can’t help but be ever so grateful that you have returned to me after all this time.

I hope to hear back from you soon, and see you this evening.

I am yours for all time

L.A.

My Dearest,

I will admit I was a little surprised to see your letter. But happy to read it. I understand the need to keep our conversations private. I wish it wasn’t the case. The days of carefree talk in the halls of this castle are far behind us, like the days of our youth. The days in which our conversations are considered nothing but the fantasies and musings of children are far behind us. I wish now I had cherished the last time we spoke so freely, savored the moments we could love in the open. No one tells you when you’re young how quickly all the freedoms will slip away.  You spend so much time wanting to grow up, not realizing what you lose with age.

As for seeing you again after all this time apart, I couldn’t be happier to have you near me again. The sight of you after all this time, I was sure I was dreaming th moment I saw you. There was a moment where I thought of doing something ever so reckless, to take your hand and run with you. Run as far as we could, as fast as we could. Leave this world far behind and never let them catch us. Live a life where we never have to answer to anyone but ourselves. Just the two of us, no obligations, nothing to tie us down. Of course, that couldn’t be the case. I will have to be happy with our lives as it stands currently, be thankful for the fact we can even be together. It is both a blessing and a curse, to be so close, and yet unable to be what we so yearn to be.  I should not linger on what we could be, and enjoy what we have. Please do not think less of me for my desires and dreams being so foolish, my dearest, they are but the remnants of a childhood dream that I have yet to grow out of.

I am yours most sincerely.

Y.D.

My Darling,

If I were to call you foolish or to think less of you for this type of thinking it would be unjust of me seeing as I feel the same way. I am always thinking of running, of taking you somewhere where there would be no expectations of either of us. Somewhere in the far reaches of the galaxy where we could be free to do as we want. To be whoever we want, however we want, no rules, no expectations. If that is foolish thinking than I am the king of fools. I want nothing more than to live that life. To turn back time, to play games again, to love you in the way we did as children. I could never ask you to stop dreaming that way, I never want you to. These dreams, however impossible are worth dreaming. I want to lay beside you and gaze into your eyes in the way we would if we were husband and wife, I want to believe that is how we are meant to be, two fools, deep in love. I would have it no other way.

I hope it is not too much ask you to keep that childlike dream alive. For us, for our future. Keep it alive and remind me of it when the days grow colder and the nights seem endless, for the times we can barely spend a moment with each other while duty pulls us apart. Please keep being foolish, even when we are far apart, by distance or by ideals. Is it too much to ask, that you keep the love of two naïve children in mind when you look to me, while the pressures of the choices of rule dig their claws into my flesh, keep the man who wanted to run with you across the galaxy in your mind, and guide me back to being him when I stray too far. Please my Darling, never let me stray so far from your heart that I forget how to be foolish.

I am yours for all time

L.A.

~

Masterlist

Tag:@silver-night-m @asherlockfandom

[alexusonfire]

Warmth of Your Doorways - Chapter Seven

Jane Murdstone x dressmaker!Reader

A/n: In collaboration with @daydream-cement 🖤 If you wish to be added to the taglist please send me a DM!

Summary: Unbridled Rage.

November 6th, 1856

There will be no salvation for me. 

Time and time again, she came back to me. She begged for my love and what did I do? I called her a harlot. I degraded her and told her she was tarnishing my family reputation. 

Marjory refuses to speak to me and I cannot blame her. I hate myself as well. I know this is due to the hatred I have for myself due to my love of the fairer sex. I thought I had stamped out the flame of internal hate when I began loving the seamstress, but yet it was still glowing bright within me each time that sweet face brightened my doorstep. 

I am tortured as I relive those moments. She told me she regretted ever loving me. How I must have caused her such agony for her to ever say such a thing. 

This household is my personal hell. My only friend finds me despicable, my brother is proud of me for ‘remaining strong in my virtues,’ and my one true love hates my entire being. She deserves so much better than me, but I feel the need to rush to her and apologize. I want to crawl on my hands and knees through the depths of Hell in order to prove my repentance. She must understand that I have meant none of what I have said. 

Far too long, I have been held under my brother’s control. I must break free of this hold. I am not who I wish to be when he is near. I am not the woman my darling little violet deserves when I give his opinion more weight than is deserved.

I must find her. I must fall to my knees and let her know she is my one and only true love. I must do everything in my power to earn back her trust and love.

- J.M.

It had been over a week since Jane had seen you last. She could hardly eat, nor sleep, since her brother arrived nearly two weeks ago. The only task she found herself capable of was to reread her diary over and over, reminiscing the love you had shared.

After tonight’s diary entry however, she was feeling far less helpless. Her words filled her with a new sense of urgency - the need to be at your side and beg for forgiveness.

The next morning she awoke with the same vigor, gathering herself as best she could. She pinned her hair into place, put on her best dress, and gathered some of your favorite flowers from her garden before striding down the gravel walkway towards the shop. Her knees felt as though they would give out at any moment, her breathing rapidly increasing the closer she got to you. Her mind raced with every possibility, good and bad; you forgave her, you didn't forgive her, you loved her still, you hated her, you rushed into her arms, you spat in her direction-

Whatever the outcome, she knew she was responsible for it, and now it was her time to fight for you.

The shop loomed over her, and she felt a great weight in her chest just looking at it. She briefly recalled the first time she stepped foot inside, the first time she met you; how her heart had stuttered, her cheeks had flushed, how she couldn't get you out of her thoughts no matter how hard she tried. In this moment she longed for those early days, carefree and falling in love.

Unsure whether she was still welcome to use the back entrance, she chose instead to enter through the front door, the bell above it seeming far too loud. The shop was quiet, and Jane was surprised to see your workbench empty.

Much emptier than usual.

Odd.

She waited for a few moments, her stomach twisting in knots at the thought of seeing you again, still unsure what your reaction to her would be after she'd been so cruel-

"You're too late, I'm afraid."

The thick scottish drawl pulled her attention towards the back of the shop, where Mary was cleaning up after a day's work.

"I'm sorry?"

Mary laughed, continuing to wipe down surfaces and tidy up loose threads and needles.

"Well, perhaps if you'd said those words a little sooner you wouldn't be in the mess you are now, now would ye?"

Jane held her tongue against the blunt retort that lay on it. She knew she was in the wrong, and if getting to you meant getting through those around you, then so be it.

"Well, I'm here now, with every apology I can think of prepared. Is- Would I be able to see her? Please?"

The "please" caught Mary off guard- Jane Murdstone was not one to ever start or end a request with "please". Mary felt her resolve soften towards Jane, only a little, enough to be more upfront with her.

"Unless you're willing to hop aboard the next train, I'm afraid not Lass. She left for France shortly after you two had your final falling out. Said she couldn't live in a place where you existed and didn't love her anymore."

Jane had to steady herself on the nearest wall, a sudden wave of nausea overcoming her at Mary's words.

But I do love her.

I love her, I love her, I love-

"Thank you, Matron."

Jane all but stumbled out of the shop, the flowers she held in her hand tossed to the dirt as she strode back home.

You'd left. You were gone without so much as a goodbye- and why would you say goodbye to her? All of the cruel, hurtful words she'd thrown at you, the way she'd turned her back on you; she'd left you first. No explanation. No closure. The only difference was you'd seen fit to separate the two of you by countries. Could she really fault you for that, after all she'd done to you?

Upon returning to her cottage, the ravenette slammed the door behind herself. Her hands repeatedly combed over her hair, frantically thinking over what Mary had told her. How could you have gone all the way to Paris in a matter of days? Perhaps if she were to speak with Marjory, she could-

“Where have you been?”

The voice startled Jane from her thoughts and she was immediately filled with unbridled rage as she lay her eyes on the intruder who had opened her front door: Edward Murdstone.

“I find that it is really none of your business where I have been.”

Edward strode into the room, almost as if it was his own home, “Lord Barclay was here waiting to meet you Jane, but you deliberately ran off, no doubtably to commit some heinous sin.”

“Lord Barclay? Whatever for?” Jane snarled, remembering the older gentleman from moments in passing when he came to work with Edward.

“To marry you, of course.”

Jane saw red.

“You bastard! How-” Jane’s hands found the upper right hand corner of the bookshelf, and with a flourish of extreme strength, the ravenette pulled the ornately carved bookshelf to the floor. The right side of the shelf hit the wood table a few feet away, both pieces of furniture cracking and splitting upon impact. The sound of shattering glass of picture frames and the loud thuds of books hitting the floor filled the air, but none of it was as loud as the silent rage that radiated from Jane. The raging woman finally finished her thought as the sounds died down, “DARE YOU?!”

Edward was taken aback, unable to respond to his sister's rage; never had he seen her act in such a manner.

Jane’s volume only increased, her voice a full fledged scream, “YOU TOOK HER FROM ME! YOU ROBBED ME OF LOVE! AND NOW YOU DO THIS?! Are you so desperate in your need to control me that you must ruin my life at every turn?” She was snarling and spitting as she kicked though the mountain of books, wading closer to her brother.

“I-I-”

“ANSWER ME!” Jane roared, reaching out to a nearby decorative hurricane lamp, pushing it to the floor with a swift motion resulting in a crash of glass shattering.

Edward’s choice of response was to yell in return, grasping Jane by her wrist in an effort to keep her from breaking anything further, “Pull yourself together!”

“PULL MYSELF TOGETHER? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER WHEN YOU CONTINUE TO KEEP ME FROM LOVE? I am so lonely, Edward... or at least I was until I MET HER AND YOU FORCE ME TO SEND HER AWAY. For what, Edward? Why?” Jane’s tone fluctuated as her thoughts flew from her mouth, tears beginning to spill from her eyes at the pure anger and sorrow she felt. She wasn’t withholding anything from her brother any longer. Today, he was receiving the full force of her wrath, “First it was Sarah, and then Elizabeth, and then mother and you forced me into a-a SOLITARY CONFINEMENT where I was forced to be at your side as you made a mockery of father’s name.”

With two long strides, Jane crossed the room of her home, eyes settled in on the China cabinet as she was determined to destroy every last bit of beautiful ceramics in her home.

Edward followed after her, his own rage building at her insinuation that he could be a disgrace to their family name, “You are the one making a mockery of our family’s name by- by... choosing to be so unnatural!”

His hand wrapped around her forearm, and in her frenzied rage, Jane’s free hand swung around at full force, clawing at her brother’s face and sending him to the floor. She loomed over him, her mind racing as she searched for an additional way to harm him. Jane needed him to understand the agony she felt inside.

Swiftly she gathered two of the fallen books from the floor, lifting the novels over her head and launching them downwards at her brother, “UNNATURAL? UNNATURAL? DO YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE FACED YEARS OF INCCESTANT ABUSE FROM YOU AND MOTHER IF I HAD CHOSEN TO BE LIKE THIS?”

Edward shifted away from Jane, scrambling across the floor as the books hit him. He was in utter fear of his sister. He had no excuses for his past or present behavior, and even if he did, Edward knew Jane had no true interest in hearing them. He had yet to notice the blood dripping down the side of his face from where Jane had struck him.

“GET OUT!” Jane blared, her voice becoming raw and hoarse from screaming louder than she ever had before. She repeated those same two words as she reached out and lifted piece after piece of fine China, throwing each of them against the far wall, “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT-”

When Edward lifted himself from the cottage floor he launched himself towards the front door, quickly throwing it open and spinning back to attempt to steal back some of the power away from his sister, “You will marry Lord Barclay by the end of the month and that is final.”

His bravery was only momentary as he quickly slammed the front door shut, saving himself from the pieces of china being hurled towards him. As Edward stalked away from the home, he could hear Jane’s screaming from inside, but her words were hard to make out. Her cries of despair and the sounds of breaking glass and furniture would continue far into the night as Jane mourned for the loss of her love and freedom.

--

Tags: @weemssapphic @bitch-we-have-a-hulk @yourlocaldisneyvillain @renravens @thegoddamnfeels @dvrkhcld @blessmysouljessisonaroll @opheliauniverse @ahsfan05 @ness029 @carnivorousflowers @willowshadenox @mysaviorfalsegod @myzzjolanda @bigolgay

[lunerna21]

***I meant to do a post for Chapter 1 of Book 7 earlier but it’s been super chaotic with the holidays 😭***

***Slightly longer post but I just want to get my feelings out lol***

BUT I do wanna vent about specific parts of this chapter cause I’m constantly on edge waiting for the release of Chapter 2 (even though I’ll be crying and hyperventilating throughout the next chapter)

First of all, let me start off with how much I love seeing Sebek have a bitch fit from us calling Malleus Tsunotaro

Like dude basically had an aneurysm and tantrum over it and I fucking love his reaction 😭

(Also totally not loving the attention from Malleus in the very beginning of the chapter 🙈)

Being such a huge fan of Sleeping Beauty I’m thriving on the focus of it for this Book and I can’t wait to see where it takes us ❤️

BUT BUT There were two parts that had me almost to the point of losing my goddamn mind

1. The idea that we could be leaving Ace, Deuce and Grim

When Deuce and Grim started reminiscing and getting upset about us leaving and Grim being alone again

JUST THE ABSOLUTE HEARTBREAK I FELT IN THIS SCENE WAS AWFUL LIKE TWST WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

CAN WE GIVE OURSELVES A BREAK WE KEEPING GOING THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT TOGETHER

BUT THEN ACE'S REACTION IS SENDING ME TO THE HEAVENS

I'M SO CONFUSED AT ACE'S REACTION LIKE CMON TELL ME HOW YOU ACTUALLY FEEL

Throughout the whole series we've always seen Ace consoling us and keeping his positive outlook, and I'm DYING to see how he reacts to us leaving when we have a guaranteed way home

I feel like once he know's our time is coming to an end, Ace is gonna be inconsolable and just completely break down and beg us to not leave

AND I WILL NOT BE OKAY

IF I SEE ALL THREE OF THEM CRYING ABOUT US LEAVING OR THE OTHER STUDENTS IM GONNA BE IN THERAPY FOR WEEKS

I wish we got to see him more vulnerable but I feel like Yana is just cooking something up to DEVASTATE the fandom

AND THE ACEYUU LOVER THAT I AM IM HOPING WE GET SOME DEVELOPMENT CAUSE THIS LITTLE SHIT IS SO GOOD AT MASKING HIS FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

LIKE CMON ACE TRAPPOLA LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

2. Malleus speaking about this past

LET ME TELL YOU MALLEUS DRACONIA NEEDS SO MUCH GODDAMN LOVE

THE AMOUNT OF TIME MALLEUS WAS ALONE AND HE WAS USED TO IT IS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL

(Also screw that last option like why would I ever pick that after what he told us)

Just the fact as he was telling his story and we pointed it out and he was just like "Oh, I guess I was" and acknowledged it

Does everyone need to be so traumatized by their past in this game like goddamn the whole goddamn school needs a therapist

Just reminiscing on his reactions to spending time with us in the main story and side stories, and how much he enjoyed being included just makes the past events more special with him 😭

....And his reaction afterward we told him we'd found a way home...

WE'RE JUST ADDING ON MORE TO HIS LONELINESS AND I HATE IT CAN'T WE GIVE MALLEUS LOVE AND A BREAK

AND THEN THE WAY IT ENDED JUST SENDS ME INTO OVERDRIVE EVERY GODDAMN TIME

.....Malleus facing the horrible reality that everyone is slowly fading from his life and he has no way to prevent this is just....

When I tell you I'm going to be in therapy after Chapter 2, I will be so inconsolable that I will be in shambles for a while

I'm glad I'm also caught up to the Chapter 6 on the JPN server, but having to now relive everything in the EN server I will not be okay

Now I will sit in and cry impatiently as I wait for a date for the newest Chapter (ALSO MANIFESTING MORE CHAPTERS NEXT MONTH FOR BOTH SERVERS EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS)

Enjoying the rest of your day~~!! *walks off in tears*

[nrdmssgs]

Hi! I'd like to request something about my OC and Ghost if it's alright with you and you're still taking requests. No pressure and absolutely no rush. If I missed that you're not taking requests at the moment, I'm sorry.

I'm writing a fanfic about my OC, and to know her better I'll link my headcanons of her https://www.tumblr.com/gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot/718834905462751232/sergeant-christine-riot-vega-task-force-141?source=share

I'm feeling a bit down with life and my fic so I thought I'd request something about them to cheer me up. Of course feel free to not answer or not do it, it's perfectly ok!

If you decide to do it, I'd prefer something fluff/smut (smutty fluff? fluffy smutt? :D ) or just fluff/comfort, whatever is fine, really. My fic is a slow burn and although there are signs (and I have their first kiss already written), I'd love to see something with them already established. In my head, although both are deeply traumatised (both having undergone torture and lost their families) their relationship is surprisingly healthy.

Again, should you have other questions, or just discard this completely, it's completely fine. Thank you for reading!

Masterlist Fluff with a sprinkle of smut in the end Pairing: Simon Ghost Riley x OC of @gamergirlbones

Summary: Just a quiet evening with a silly game.

TW: A bit of smut under cut

Authors note: I hope, this makes you smile for at least a minute. I really wanted to keep things fluffy and comforting. This all is taking place long after their first kiss (and maybe confessions).

One of those evenings

“Your turn, Lt.” 

Ghost blinked and looked around. If it wasn't for his mask, all others would see his puzzled expression right now. “Where were we?” Ghost voice is calm and steady, as if he wasn't desperately trying to remember, at what point of discussion his mind drifted away somewhere far. 

“Ehm, we are all captured and sentenced to death. Each of us gets a last wish. No limits, but no cheating like ‘i wish for a 1000 wishes’ either.” As Gaz was reminding him of what were they discussing, Simon silently looked from one face to another, trying to guess, who came up with such an idea. Ghost was mentally betting on Johnny, but deep inside he knew that Riot could also offer such a grim game theme at the end of the day.

“So what would you wish for?” “A gun.”

A collective sigh of disappointment swept over the campfire around which they had all gathered. “We agreed to not cheat,” groaned Gaz. “Hey, I'm ok with that answer. It means, mine is still the best!” Soap is shining with pride, but Riot protests. “Hey, that's just not fair. We were competing to find the funniest of us - not the most strategic-minded. Ghost deserves a second chance on this one.”

“You want my last wish to be absurd?” Simon scoffs. “What am I supposed to ask for? A fucking cup of tea?”

“Na-a-ah, the parade in my honor is still funnier.” Soap winks at Riot and adds ‘Ok, Lt, last chance. Give us your best shot’.

Ghosts eyes travel down to his side, where Riot sits, but he stops himself. “I'd wish to relive one of those evenings.” Silence reigns around the campfire. Everyone seems to be waiting for him to elaborate.

***

Simons mind drifts to one of the memories, he values the most. That time, he managed to sneak her from the base, keep her to himself for some time. It was a dream come true: a few days of peace in her loving hands. From the moment, she exited his car and stepped into tall grass, coming closer to his remote cabin, till the moment she kissed him goodbye a few days later - this was heaven. On the first evening they made a bonfire, just like the one, they were sitting around right now. Only that time there were just the two of them.

The crackle of burning logs mingled with the din of crickets at sunset. He crawled over to her chair, hugged her from behind, and rested his chin on her shoulder. 

"It turns out I needed it." Her voice was tired and soft. “Of course you did. You've been burning that candle at both ends for too long.” Ghost felt, he should have made her go on this brief vacation earlier. “I know, how stressful it can get. Mission after mission, then obstacle courses back on the base, advanced weaponry, physical training…” Ghost reached for her hand, held it lightly, and barely touched his lips to the top of it. “And at the end of the day, you are left with a shittone of paperwork.” Christine winced. 

“Oh, don't get me started on that one.” His croaky voice left a tingling feeling somewhere deep inside her chest. As if they communicated now not only verbally, although his touch was still pure and undemanding. Her body was exhausted, her mind - drifted to sleep. “Come on, let's get you to the bed,” Ghost whispered, not wanting to distract her peaceful state of mind. But when she refused and asked to ‘leave her right on this chair under the stars’, he rose without letting go of her hand and added: “Make your lieutenant proud: get up.”

“So many ways to abuse your rank, Lt. And still, you choose the most innocent one…” Christine murmured, but stood up and let him lead the way. It was only when she was undressed, bathed and nicely tucked with a cozy blanket, when Ghost finally answered her: “I'll use and abuse my rank in every most unholy way once you get a nice sleep, love.” Maybe it was banal fatigue, or maybe it was a burning eagerness to find out how he could ‘abuse his higher rank’, but she felt asleep quickly enough in his arms, catching the last seconds of her waking moments as he softly kissed her temple.

***

“One of those evenings?” Someone around the campfire finally vocalizes the question, that hung up in the air, since Ghost made his ‘last wish’. 

“Ahem, how about we all agree that Soap won and call it a night?” Riot looks around and, without waiting for their answer, gets up and moves away towards one of the small shacks that served to 141 as temporary shelters before the start of the operation.

Ghost waits for a while, he always does. Just to stand up a bit later and disappear somewhere in the woods, tangling his traces. Their bond with Riot may be obvious to others, but he still keeps it all low.

He comes in to her cabin so quietly, it's almost impossible to hear his steps. But Riot always knows, when Simon gets closer to her, as if she feels his presence with some kind of the sixth Sense. So when he stops before a small sink to freshen up, it's actually her, who surprises him, sliding her fragile palms under his shirt.

“One of those evenings? Care to elaborate?” Simon practically hears her smiling, as she asks that. His hand covers hers under his shirt. “Go wait for me in bed, love. I'll be there in five.” Their voices are muffled, his fingers sink into the rye-gold of her hair, the other hand cradles her body in the most careful loving embrace. “Evenings, when I can steal you for myself alone.” His lips are brushing against her jawline. “Evenings, when you can feel safe in my hands.” His body is radiating with heat, making her pull off her shirt after a short time. “Evenings, when you don't need to be strong and composed, and can lose yourself under my touch.”

Eventually her pants are too so warm and uncomfortable. Simon helps her out of them. They stay snuggled as he keeps describing her his last wish, his chin resting on top of her head, his fingers slowly drifting up and down her spine. Christines mind slowly drifts as he purrs his most treasured memories of them two into her ear. At the back of her mind, she questions herself, how many of those evenings are there left. But his heat and the hardness beneath Christine make her forget those fears. The way he, a hardened soldier, a living breathing legend of the battlefields frowns under her touch… The way his breath hitches every time her fingers casually slide up the inside of his thigh… This is all too much to still count their coming evenings. Simon too eventually stops reminiscing on the past and concentrates on what is important right now: her in his hands. His fingers slowly caressing her through the underwear, his lips forming the most beautiful, yet unspoken words along her ears and neck. Christine - not Riot, but his Christine looses her quiet and a tad bitter demeanor the moment his mouth slants over hers, pulling her into his lap, her panties pulled to the side. He makes her forget that stupid game, forget her doubts and pains with a first solid thrust. Rolling her over, cradling her body underneath his, dragging small whimpers and moans from her lips - this is another night to remember. Another night, he'd wish, he could relive again and again. 

After her first release Simon lowers his mouth to her ear and asks “Any particular wishes for your second round, dear?”. Her eyes are wet, darkened with a thick veil of desire. “You were so gentle… I'd love you to be bolder this time.” “How much, love?” His smile is loving, but his voice grows somewhat sinister.

She grits her teeth and exhales. “I want it rough. I want to feel every vein, every single inch… But not your mercy this time.”

His chuckle is low, and dark, and not at all soothing as his palm slides up to squeeze her breast. “Is that all?”

She shudders a breath, realizing what a deep void she has just discovered.

[frecklystars]

Wow, 32 asks. Thank you guys so much 😭😭 last night was one of the worst shifts I ever had at work. I feel like i keep reverting back to a year ago when everything was fresh. it's been extraordinarily difficult the past couple of months but it always eases the ache when I read nice messages. it genuinely calms me down a lot when other people tell me it's gonna be ok. so thank you to everyone who took the time to do that for me ;-;

I'm gonna be honest, I feel super hopeless. I am not getting joy from anything right now. Drawing, socializing, watching movies, listening to music, I'm feeling *absolutely nothing*. I am triggered by the SMALLEST fucking things that I thought I was getting better at handling. I'm having trouble wearing skirts again. I'm flinching around the color pink when I was doing SO much better with it. For the last nine days, I haven't gone three hours without having a panic attack. I'm not sleeping. My flashbacks are lasting longer. I'm having out of body experiences again for the first time in almost a year. I feel so hopeless. I told myself one year ago "hey I feel like I'm dying right now my ptsd is so fucking bad but! hey! one year from now, I'll feel better! this will feel so far away from me!" but I don't. I don't feel better. I don't think it's possible to feel better bc I'm too broken. It's been over a year and I don't feel like it's possible for me to make progress.

My Barbie/Ken anniversary is coming up and I was excited for the first couple of weeks, but right now I just... feel absolutely nothing. I am so, so, so severely depressed and my anxiety is getting worse every day. I need help out of my unsafe situation so fucking bad dude it's just gonna kill me. I'm so scared this whole thing is gonna genuinely kill me. I wish I could talk about it but I don't want to scare people but at the same time, it's so bad and it's weighing on me so heavily and I am so fuckign tired of dealing with this every single day

I don't know if I'm gonna go offline or not, bc my problem isn't even online. so... I don't see how being offline would help much. I just feel like I'm supposed to do SOMETHING, literally ANYTHING to feel something. Going offline last time made me feel significantly worse, so maybe that shouldn't be my next step. But I feel nothing when I'm blogging right now. I tried making a Jacob edit the other day and I felt no joy. I want to be filling up my queue for the 21st, all of my Barbie and Ken photos and gifsets. I should be writing Barbie and Ken love notes. I should be making video edits again! but I feel nothing!!! This is the one and only anniversary that actually matters to me this year - sorry to the other 12 Ryan F/Os who have anniversaries but THIS ONE is THE most important one, because these two characters are the F/Os that have helped me the most with my abuse trauma/cptsd. They're the whole reason why I started self shipping again. I want to celebrate that. I want to be excited about it. I am just so fucking numb.

I NEED to feel something for this anniversary, I miss celebrating F/O anniversaries! I don't get to do that anymore since self shipping was ruined for me! Since my main F/Os were ruined for me! I deserve to have a good time with my new F/Os!! I am a good person and I am kind despite all the bullshit I've been through and I work really hard to try to heal from shit! I try to stay positive and I try to help people and I!!! Deserve!! To have a day where I feel good with my F/Os without reliving every single horrifying vile thing that someone did to me! but I feel so empty right now and it hurts! I was excited a couple of weeks ago when I was planning all the activities i was gonna do on the 21st, like a restaurant and a movie and baking and throwing a party with my friends, but now?? Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING in my heart. I feel so goddamn empty. I am so depressed. I really really feel like I can't get better. It's been over a year and I am incapable of healing from my trauma and I don't know what to do about it. I am trying so many things to heal!! I'm going walking, I'm eating way healthier and cutting sugar to see if that helps clear my head a bit more, I'm getting sun, I'm drinking so much water, I'm exercising, I've cut my screen time significantly and reading more often, I'm hanging out with my friends as much as I can, I am trying everything in the book and I feel like a zombie just sitting here and rotting to death, going through the motions and reliving my trauma in my head over and over and over and over and over and over again and I can't get any fucking peace. It's like everybody in the world is living their days while the planet is spinning but I am stuck in the same spot reliving the most horrific bullshit imaginable over and over and over. I feel like I've lost almost 2 years of my life to trauma. I don't feel like I've aged, I feel like everything happened yesterday. I feel like I'm stuck in one spot while everybody else is walking forward and I can't move.

Sorry to ramble I didn't mean to turn this into a vent post but idk what else to do. I don't know if I should go offline on my actual anniversary or maybe a couple of days leading up to it?? Or maybe I'm supposed to BE online and blog about the F/Os to see if that helps me feel better?? Being offline made me feel worse. But being online isn't helping me either. Dude I don't fucking know. I need to work on some crafts or something. I need to make a BarbieLand diorama and paint it. I'm gonna bake heart shaped cookies for the first time this weekend. I'm gonna invite my friends over and we're gonna have a party on Sunday and watch the Barbie movie together. I don't know what else to do but I have to just... keep trying I guess even though I feel nothing while doing these things, it's better than doing nothing

If anyone has advice or something, it's more than welcome. Or even just a "wow, that's rough, buddy". I'm sorry for being negative, I try to remain positive on this hellsite but it's so hard right now. Thank you again to everyone who wrote me a nice message last night when I was hurting. I'm sorry I'm gonna probably be asking for encouraging messages a few more times in the next few weeks bc supportive messages are the only things that have been effectively (affectively?) helping me lately

[jmagnabo92]

It’s a Twin Thing - Ch 1

A few weeks after Hetty’s almost banishment, Trevor’s in for a surprise when his twin brother comes by for a visit.

AO3

***

Trevor sighs, contentedly, as Hetty cuddles into him.  Despite it being earlier than usual for the aftermath of the rendezvous, Hetty doesn’t immediately leave.  After nearly being sent to the woods for a year, they’ve both been rather clingy … not that either of them would admit it.

Instead, they just cuddle together sometimes quietly – they’ve fallen asleep on more than one occasion – and sometimes they’ll chat quietly about random things.  They usually take turns talking about what’s on their minds and sharing stories of their pasts.

Lately, he can’t stop thinking about his brother.  Although everyone knows that he has a brother now, Hetty’s the only one that he had mentioned Jeremy being his twin brother to (although Flower had guessed ages ago).  Their rendezvouses in the last month or so since the heir nonsense happened usually led to cuddling and Trevor talking about some story where he and Jeremy had attempted to pretend to be each other until they failed at it.  It was always a competition between the brothers to see who could last longer pretending to be the other – Trevor always claimed the crown unless it involved someone asking him to draw something.

He loved those moments.  He loved those stories.  He wishes that he could relive those days, those times.  He misses Jeremy something terrible and he wishes more than anything that he could see him, again.  Talk to him, tell him that he feels like a part of his soul is missing and that he wishes that he’d come to the memorial, but he appreciated that he sent Tara Reid (even if that had been a disaster).  It showed him that he knows what Trevor would want even decades later, even decades without him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Hetty questions as she looks up at him, lifting her head from his chest.  Their clothes hadn’t returned yet, so he knew that she hadn’t fallen asleep despite how quiet she was being.  

Trevor hums.  It’s his turn to tell a story.  “Just thinking about Jeremy, again.”

“Are you going to tell me another story about the two of you switching places?” Hetty questions, somehow looking excited.

Trevor grins.  “That depends.  Would you like to hear one?”

Hetty hums in agreement.  “I would as I am waiting on a particular story.”

Trevor laughs.  “Oh yeah?  What story would that be?”

Hetty grins.  “I have decided that you two switched so often that you are secretly Jeremy.”

Trevor can’t help bursting out laughing.  “You really think that Jeremy and I switched the day I died and I’m not Trevor, but I’ve been pretending to be him for over twenty years?”

“Well, no one would have any idea, correct?”

“That’s correct.”

“Thus, theoretically, you could have decided to be Trevor while actually being Jeremy for your entire afterlife.”

“I love J-dog and it’s undoubtedly fun fooling everyone, except our parents, but I can’t imagine doing that for twenty years – it’d feel wrong.  I love him, but that was a game we played together – we never did it without permission from the other,” Trevor states.  Not after the one-time that got them both in major trouble.  “Besides, I like being T-money instead of J-dog.”

“It is hard to take you seriously with those ridiculous monikers,” Hetty states, somewhat teasingly.  

Trevor laughs.  “Oh, please.  I know you love it.”

“I do no such thing,” Hetty states, but the smile on her lips says otherwise.  

He gives her a quick kiss and says, “Uh-huh, I totally believe you.”

“You should as I am being sincere.”

“Sure, you are.”

“It is impolite to suggest a lady such as myself would lie.”

“It’s impolite for a lady such as yourself to lie to her lover about something as silly as liking my T-Money moniker,” Trevor teases.  “And continuing to lie just means you’ll have to suffer the consequences.”

He shifts so that he can move his hand down Hetty’s side since she’s ticklish there.  

Hetty clearly knows what he’s thinking of doing and tries to wiggle away.  “Don’t you dare, Trevor!”  

“I won’t if you admit you like it,” Trevor teases.  

“Never!”

Laughing Trevor begins to tickle her, and it takes no time at all to get Hetty all giggly and begging for mercy, even as she shifts on top of him and pins him down.

“I win,” Hetty says, gleefully.

Trevor smiles.  “I’m right where I want to be – so I think I win.  Now, admit it.  You like my T-Money thing.”

Hetty leans down as if she’s going to kiss him but stops just out of reach.  “You are correct, Trevor, but do not let that go to your head.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Trevor teases, just before she closes the distance for the kiss.  

“Good.”

***

He knows that it might not be a good idea to come here.  Probably a terrible one, but he figured he had to – he had to know – had to see him – had to deal with these things he’s been avoiding.  It was ridiculous that he couldn’t summon the courage to visit during the memorial, but he hadn’t been expecting his parents to throw one and he wasn’t – wasn’t ready to face the reality of losing his twin.  

While it’s true that he had known – especially with his ability to suddenly see ghosts around the time that his brother had obviously died and those dreams of this very familiar mansion – but there had still been a part of him that ached for it not to be true.  He had had such a hard time with the loss, with not knowing where he was, and worse knowing that he was likely a ghost somewhere.  The dreams he had were not helpful as he wasn’t sure if they were real or not – and some, he certainly hoped not.  His – their – parents had tried to reassure him.  Tell him that Trevor was not stuck on as a ghost, but he knew – he could feel it.  

They hadn’t really accepted the possibility until the weekend where they discovered exactly where Trevor had died – everything that had happened, the woman owner of the house acting so strange by encouraging the memorial for one, and the final moment where she said, ‘what if he was here – what would you tell him?’.  They had believed then that not only was he there, but the woman could see him like Jeremy could see him (and other ghosts).

Despite this, they didn’t think it would be a good idea for Jeremy to visit until and unless he was ready, but how do you ever get ready for that?  He had nearly made this trip a dozen times in the last few months, and every time he turned around.  

Every time he found himself afraid and overwhelmed.  He thought about what Trevor would say, if he’d be angry that he hadn’t come sooner, if he’d blame Jeremy for being the reason he’s stuck.  If he resented Jeremy for being the cautious and careful twin, rather than Trevor as the reckless and risky twin.

It was illogical, he knew, but it was how he felt.  

And he couldn’t stand the thought of Trevor hating him.  Blaming him.

Because he blamed himself.  

He should’ve been there – done something, somehow.  

Stopped him from falling into the lake or whatever.  They had no idea what actually happened, his bones – waterlogged as they were – told them nothing.  And Trevor’s so-called bros had been less than helpful.  

Jeremy was always sure they knew something – gut instinct and what not, but that didn’t mean squat to the authorities who had nothing to go on.  And after twenty-two and a half years, there wasn’t any evidence of anything other than an accident.  

Still, if he’d been a better brother – maybe he would have been there or helped him find better friends.  What if he had somehow gotten in good with Trevor’s friends and been able to stop him from doing reckless and risky things all of the time?  What if he had convinced him that he didn’t need to do risky and stupid things to be the life of the party?  What if he had spent more time in the city with Trevor rather than hide out in the country where he’s more comfortable?  What if he convinced him that he was better off leaving Lehman Brothers and branching out away from those douchey bros to be with his actual bro?

There were so many things he could have done, so many words left unsaid, so many what ifs.  

Maybe he would finally get answers here.  

He could feel Trevor’s presence as soon as he pulls up, but it takes a minute and several deep breaths before he gets out of the car before he can convince himself to drive back home and not face his brother.  

The front door was open, probably due to the nice weather and to encourage random drop-ins for the business. Given that he hadn’t exactly planned a visit (if only because he had attempted and failed to make this trip a dozen times), this is probably a good thing.  

Still, it’s as nice and homey as his parents told him (they had attempted to reassure him that if Trevor was there at least it was homey – the fact that his drawings and paintings matched a house that he had never set foot in helped assure him that Trevor was definitely there).  He can’t help looking around, and hoping to just spot Trevor rather than have to talk to the owners and explain what exactly he was doing here, but despite noting two obvious ghosts – a captain and a  Lieutenant colonel from opposite sides of the revolutionary war in the library kissing, interesting, he only sees two other ghosts in the living room – a hippie and a Native American, who have appeared to have noticed him.  

No Trevor.  

There’s plenty of land, obviously, so Trevor doesn’t necessarily have to be in the house at the moment, but he’d somehow been hoping that Trevor would be the first person that he would see.  That he wouldn’t have to go searching.

Although, it was entirely possible that his brother had ascended, and he would never know it – would he lose this ability if his brother ascends?  Did the fact that he has this ability even mean that his brother was ghost?  How did it work?  

He had no idea.  Yet, due to the memorial and drawings, he was convinced that Trevor was here – at least, he has been for twenty years.  He could be gone by now.  What if the memorial got him to ascend?  Maybe he’d been hyping himself up to do this all for naught?

What would he do, then?

“SAM!  There’s someone here!” the Native American yells from the living room.  

He doesn’t react.  If his brother isn’t here, then he doesn’t want to give away his ability.  The last thing he wants to do is talk to more ghosts who are less than helpful to his plight of seeing dead people and trying to play at normal.

He’s sure the other living that can clearly see ghosts – Sam – probably wishes the ghosts here would let her play being a bit more normal.  Of course, neither of them were.  Not with this ability most people don’t have.  

He hears footsteps on the stairs, as the hippie woman says, “He looks awfully familiar.”

“He does, doesn’t he?” her companion offers.  

Ignoring them, he looks up at the woman on the stairs, who stops on the landing with two other ghosts behind her – one that’s clearly a Viking and the other who is wearing a scout uniform and an arrow through the neck – ouch.  He’s seen some brutal deaths – that’s a rough way to die for sure.  

It’s at that point that it occurs him that maybe he should’ve gone by the lake, maybe if Trevor died drowning – he’d hang out there?  Before he could leave the house awkwardly – like he’s prone to do, the blonde, clearly alive woman, says, “Trevor?”

“How did you know?” he asks, without thinking.  It had been common practice for he and Trevor to just answer to the other’s name.  They switched so often when they were younger that half the time, he forgot that his name wasn’t Trevor.  

Of course, these days, the name causes an ache his chest.  

He can see the ghosts all reacting confused and excited.  They had clearly put together that he was Trevor’s brother and that he probably came seeking closure about his brother the way his parents had.  

They chatter about seeing him and someone realizes that they should go get Trevor because he should be here for this – both the hippie and arrow man immediately mention that they hadn’t seen him all morning – midafternoon, but that they’d split up and look for him in his usual haunts.  

Several minutes pass before Sam says, “Uh, lucky guess.  You sort of remind me of someone.”

“I get that a lot – were you thinking about them just now?” he asks, giving her an out for awkward silence since he knows what it’s like to be overwhelmed by ghosts that don’t understand what it looks like for her to be silent and trying not to react (and failing) to their commentary.  

A couple of the ghosts mention that it was interesting that he had offered her an out when Sam nods.  “Oh, yes.  He was – uh – a good friend that – uh – recently passed.  My apologies, I’m probably seeming all sorts of weird to you.”

“Weird should be my middle name – I’m quite weird myself,” he offers.  He’s waiting for her to mention anything about his brother or something, while the ghosts continue commenting.

But luckily as the arrow man and the hippy return with yet another ghost with news that they had not found Trevor, he hears, “Jeremy?” from his left.  

He turns to see Trevor standing there in a half suit – interesting and unfortunate death outfit – with a Victorian woman with red-hair.  Those dreams were definitely real.

He doesn’t hesitate (and neither does Trevor) to move forward to hug him.  He could hear surprised voices behind him and the one beside them, but he doesn’t care as he envelopes his brother in a hug for the first time in over twenty-two years.  He puts one arm around his back, while the other goes to his hair to ruffle it, like always.  Trevor mimics him, and to be honest, he finally feels completed for the first time in years – like a piece of himself that had been missing was finally locking into place.  

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 63

Chapter 63: “Help”

What better way to understand a character than to learn about their trauma. Those Ray parallels are starting to surface. No doubt our geezer has relived this nightmare for the past thirteen years.

I love how Demizu shows how exhausted the duo is by not only their tired eyes, but their worn out jackets and how messed up their hair is. Also one of the rare moments Emma’s antenna isn’t sticking upwards.

For a dude who was just awoken from a nightmare and has to constantly deal with demons and RE, Yuugo is certainly in a surprisingly good mood.

And y’all do get just as good as the geezer! Or maybe that’s just me being biased. But the two of them really are learning so much in just last couple days and if Yuugo won’t be proud of them, then I will be!

What do you mean you don’t need food?? .. girl, what? I’m surprised Ray didn’t knock you on the head for that comment. Thankfully Gilda is that Mom Friend.

Sigh.. I once wished the anime would’ve expanded on their trip to A08-63 a bit more, just to really show how much our duo was improving, but of course, the second season never even had this arc, so there goes that dream!

I wanna say the cliche “age is just a number”, but it is fairly impressive how well they’re both holding up. Then again, they do have a pretty decent teacher, even if he’s not actually giving them any advice up front. They’re also determined as hell and living up to their fullscore reputations. Totally not alive because they’re the protagonists, nope, not at all.

I know Ray’s got some pretty serious stuff on his mind that would definitely be worth chatting about, but look at her! She is so darn proud of herself, she’s got several sparkles shining around her. She’s literally so excited and it’s so cute that there’s no way someone could be annoyed at her.

I really have no problem with us seeing Emma having some doubts as it makes her feel more human, but I guess the small issue I have with it is the “how” and/or “why” whenever we see her hit a low point. I’m not faulting the manga here, but it’s the few pages here that reminded me of that one moment in s2ep5 where Emma woke up in the middle of the night and stands against the wall. While I do love that Ray came over to cheer her up a little, hearing Emma say that she hates herself and wondered if escaping from the house with everyone was worth it when that was the one decision she was always so certain was correct in manga is just.. weird to me. Her doubts sorta feel outta place in that episode since we skipped so much story and saw nothing of the time skip, but here in manga, we know exactly what this Emma has been through and all her concerns which makes her doubts believable and valid I guess. (I dunno, this makes more sense in my head.)

Prepare yourself geezer, you got some talk-no-jutsu coming your way.

Favorite panel/moment:

The way he looks at her!! Fuck! It is so precious I wanna cry.

[onionanddeadgaywizards]

Sirius had never been so alone. Even when in Azkaban at least he had the opportunity to relive parts of it, even if it was the worst part. But now he’s all alone in the house he was supposed to have escaped. He has nothing to do but look around for the traces of his life before everything went wrong.

Sirius went up the rickety stairs, ignoring the malevolent stares from the family portraits.

He ended up in his old room, dust covering all the surfaces but miraculously untouched thanks to his layers upon layers of wards. The spells were made to only let two people in, Sirius and his brother. then later only

one.

Sirius walked through feeling like a giant stepping carefully into the sanctity of the past desperately trying not to move things for fear that everything would come crashing down to join the rest of his life from before. He lays on his childhood bed, feet sticking out past the baseboard and no matter how much he contorts himself he simply can no longer fit. So he rolls off and slumps onto the floor, wondering how many more hours there are left in the day before Remus comes back.

Things are still weird between them but Sirius tries his best to ignore it and cling on to the morsels of comfort he can attain. But never too much, never too close. Because when Sirius gets too close he ends up hurting people. Trying to hold them but ending up closing your fist and shattering them. Thanks for that Mother. Sirius thinks bitterly.

Turning his head Sirius spots the edge of a familiar red box under the slats of his bed. He pulls it out and sits up bringing the box on his knees. He sets the lid aside to peer at the contents long forgotten.

At the top, a note. Written in the familiar handwriting of his long dead best friend, messy on purpose but the years of calligraphy taught by most pureblood families still bleeding through.

*Don’t read until after we win the war ;) -13/9/1978*

Sirius sets it aside next to the lid and reaches for whats underneath. A photo album. Decorated in red and golden sparkles stolen during on of their trips to muggle London before they understood that they needed muggle money. On the inside cover their silly nicknames were written out, so self-important. On each page was a photo or two of their last year at Hogwarts. Mary, Marlene and Lily drunk dancing in a huddle, Peter holding on tightly to a giant stuffed bear fast asleep, Marlene and Dorcas cheeks blown up with air like pufferfish kissing during a round of truth or dare. James somehow caught up in the common room chandelier after practicing for a prank, Remus covered in five different blankets he stole from their beds five empty chocolate wrappers spread around him, Sirius himself applying lipstick in a mirror. And pages more of photos

Under each and every photo the handwriting of everyone dear to them commented. Having dumb conversations, jokingly insulting people, or even writing heartfelt messages.

And on the very last page James’s handwriting again.

*I don’t know who’s reading this, I don’t even know who survived. But it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that after everything love does exist and it’s the strongest thing on this earth. This is the only page no one else has seen, they’d all think it’s cheesy or unnecessary but I know there is no war without casualties. So hey even if everyone that loves you has died, think of me as the one person left that loves you.*

*---James---*

So Sirius cries. Because he so desperately wishes it were true. No matter how much he loves Remus, James has always been first. The other half of his soul, the only reason Sirius has made it this far. He loves him so much and that love has no where to go so it just sits and sits weighing more and more and still it keeps growing.

James was the first person to show Sirius that he could love without pain. And now even that isn’t true, the only fully pure love he ever felt over powered by his grief. And so sadness turns to guilt, for disrespecting what James gave him. And guilt turns to anger that James had to die and ruin the one perfect thing in his life.

So when Remus gets back it’s to the empty husk of Sirius sitting in a room silently with a book in front of him. Except Remus can’t get inside. He bangs against the wards shouting out in fear, calling Sirius’ name.

Sirius looks up at him, bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair. For a second it almost seems as if he doesn’t recognize him. Then there’s a flash of light in his gray eyes and Sirius lights up in a way he hasn’t in years.

“Mooonyyyy!!”

Sirius cries out passing through the wards and hugging Remus. Remus is taken aback, they haven’t touched like this in a decade.

“Sirius are you okay?” Remus asks worriedly.

“Of course I am. James and I just pulled off this amazing prank. You should have seen the look on Snivellus’ face. Oh Moony you would have loved it.”

Remus holds back every wave of emotion that menaces to crash down on him. And instead he does what he wished to do every time he felt like this, and hugged Sirius. The long-haired man saw nothing unusual in this still lost in his stupor. Remus holds him in his arms, close to his beating chest, reminding Sirius of the people that are alive. And they stay there. And at some point the shorter man seems to come back, tensing up in in his arms and pulling away.

And they don’t talk about it.

Even when it seems to happen more often, Sirius mistaking Harry for James or randomly antagonizing Snape or even flirting with Remus. They move on to other subjects and chores. Mission after mission keeping Remus busy and away. And like the first time they were in a war, Remus and Sirius don’t talk about it until it’s too late.

[sapphic-swiftie13]

Kate Bishop friends since High School

You were currently on the phone with your boyfriend and your eyes were brimming with tears that you desperately tried to hold in.

The car ride to your best friend Kate's apartment was silent if it wasn't for the angry voice that was screaming at you from the other end, hateful words laced with spite, spilling like red wine out of his mouth.

Every word he said left a stain on your heart that only seemed to get weaker and weaker with time, and after you apologized for something that he was to blame for, he proceeded to act so divine.

Refusing to look over at Kate who was driving the car, you sat frozen in the passenger seat trying to block all your thoughts out, wishing you could escape your own mind for just a second or two.

It felt like you were walking on eggshells every time your boyfriend was around, never knowing which version of him you'd get when he got home from work, or if he would be in a good mood when driving the both of you home from a family dinner.

Sometimes he was the sweetest guy you had ever met, since he was the only man that you had ever fallen for, and he'd tell you he would never leave your side.

But the next day he could end up throwing a vase at you, and if you were unlucky and it hit you, he would never say that he was sorry or that he wasn't thinking clearly, he would tell you it was what you deserved for not being grateful that he had stayed with you and kept up with all your bullshit for so long.

You had first met in High School, the same place where you had met Kate actually. Everyone had wanted to be you, and tried to steal him from you, and in this moment, you wished that they did, but at the same time you'd never wish that even your nemesis was to be stuck in a relationship like this.

A relationship where you were thought of as worthless, but then his princess, and most of the time the ugly and ungrateful bitch who ruined his life. High School sweethearts was what this so-called love was seen as, but in all reality this life you were living could not be a love story with a happy ending that never seemed to really end, it was a horror movie at best where you'd end up brutally murdered by the hands that was supposed to hold tight around you and keep you warm during the coldest winter nights.

Before you could really process what had happened, Kate took the phone out of your hands and said, "you know what Matthew, you're a total dick, hope you choke in your sleep."

Then she hung up and threw the phone into the backseat, out of your reach. "What was that for?" you yelled at her with your breaking voice, ultimately making you shut up, feeling stupid and ashamed for asking when you already knew the answer.

You were well aware that the love you shared was a messy and ugly kind of love, that never truly felt safe in any way, a relationship you had thought of leaving for a while now but never had the guts to actually do since you were scared to death of the consequences.

"Well, I'm not letting you stay with him tonight," Kate spoke out, in a soft voice.

"Please Kate, he'll be even more pissed if I don't show up until tomorrow," you pleaded, even though you knew he wouldn't just be pissed, he'd be furious, and if you said one wrong word, he would most probably threaten to hurt you if you ever pulled a stunt like this again.

"No chance in hell. He's beyond pissed because you and I had a girls' night out. He does not own you; you are not his property!" she said while glancing over at you, trying to catch a glimpse of your face as you looked out the window, at the midnight sea.

Soon enough you had reached the outside of Kate's apartment building, and you followed her into the elevator where the silence was so loud, but it wasn't uncomfortable, quite the opposite, it was calming, like you had never gone so long without being scolded or screamed at, it was peaceful.

You remember the last time you had felt so undisturbed, it was back in High School. You remember it clear as day, like you were reliving it right now in this moment.

You were taking the books you needed out of your locker, dreading the fact that the bell would ring any minute, resulting in you having no choice but to find your way to class again.

Beside you, Kate was leaning against the locker that was beside yours, like she was trying to be cool, wearing the cutest sweater you had ever seen in your whole life. With headphones around her neck adding to this weird nerdy style she currently was rocking.

"You look really nice, or uh, pretty today," Kate stammered as a red flush covered her cheeks, making her accidentally drop the book she had been holding close to her chest since she got nervous.

"Oh, let me get that for you..." you said with a mischievous grin, picking it up, observing the cover before giving it back to her, saying, "I see... you're reading Hope Is the Thing with Feathers... I did not know that you, my Avengers obsessed dork knew poetry!"

Then you took a strand of her messy hair and tucked it behind her ear, making her hold in her breath while she focused on you and nothing else. Then the bell rang, too quickly for your own liking, but you sighed disappointed, closed your locker and started to walk away. You turned around and said, "see you later Kate, meet me behind the mall!"

Kate stood there, dumbfoundedly gawking at you while you disappeared out of her sight, still leaning against the locker that wasn't hers.

"Uh, can you move? I need my shit, for class, can't be late," A boy with an alternative clothing style stated, and Kate got out of her trance and rushed to class whisper yelling, "oh shit I'm going to be late, oh no, Ms. Hayes is going to kill me!"

When the elevator doors opened you snapped back to reality, stumbling as you tried to catch up to Kate who had already stepped out.

When you had rounded the corner, you could see her unlocking the door, you couldn't help but smile when she stood there waiting, holding the door open for you to slip in.

You took off your jacket and shoes, then made your way to her living room shortly after.

"I'm sorry for being harsh on you in the car..." she apologized as she walked in with two glasses and a bottle of soda.

"No, don't be sorry. It is not your fault. You were right, I'm not his property but I do let him treat me like I am," you answered her, as you looked down at your hands, feeling ashamed of your lack of self-respect, and the fact that you don't know how to stand up for yourself anymore because of him.

"To be honest with you, I don't get what you see in him. He might be attractive, but he is far from kind. You fight every day, or so it seems," Kate said quietly as she studied your face for any reaction.

"He is kind... or he used to be. It's like the one I fell for isn't there anymore. Like it was all a big façade, and the walls tumbled down and I see him for who he truly is," you answered her while pouring soda in both of your glasses.

"When did you realize that the real him was hiding behind some kind of mask?" she asked as you sat back on the couch.

"I don't know... I thought he simply had bad days and that is allowed and normal, but bad days turned into weeks, and then months, and now it's coming close to a year..." you told her, while nervously looking around the room, avoiding her beautiful face.

"Why did you not tell me that he treated you this shitty? If I had known that he was always acting like this I would've tried to help sooner!" she said letting out a sigh, pain hiding behind her eyes.

You sipped the soda and put the glass back on the table, while your head felt like spinning with all the thoughts that was filling up your mind.

"I don't know, Kate, okay?! I was scared!" you said with a raised tone but regretting it the second you realized what you just had done, you could not bear to be like him.

"I'm your best friend! I knew something was going on, but I did not know exactly what, and I didn't want to pry..." she said with a soothing voice with words that had no intention of hurting you.

"Yeah, you're my best friend, Kate! You should not be the one to care this much for me, it should be him!"

Kate stood up and while she did, she said, "but of course I care for you... I love you!" Instantly putting her head in her hands, like she felt helpless standing there.

Soon enough you stood up too and walked over to her placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I know you do, and I love you too!" you told her with a reassuring smile.

"No, not like that..." she whispered regrettably.

"You're not making any sense, Kate," you stated, holding up her chin, searching for answers in her eyes, her face, any place that could give you a hint of what was going on in her mind.

Before you could react, her soft and warm lips carefully pressed onto your own. Her fingers carding through your hair, and her uneven breath slightly tickled beneath your nose, as she then frantically pulled away.

"Sorry, shit. I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have kissed you; I know you have too much on your plate right now," she apologized as she stepped back, avoiding your gaze like she would turn to stone if she dared to even look at you, and forever be in this state of humiliation and regret.

Not thinking anything through, you stepped towards her, like someone else was in control of your body and you were just watching your bold self sweetly taking a hold of her cheek and caressing it.

Then you tenderly leaned in, your nose nudging hers, your chest pressing against hers as your lips once again met, now in a passionate and slow manner. Savouring each other's warmth, and the feeling of safety and comfort.

Her perfume crept up your nose, and you knew that the scent would linger when the kiss had to be broken when there was no oxygen left in your lungs.

In a rush to be close to you, Kate pulled you in again, one of her hands lightly placed behind your neck, your lips slightly parted, allowing her to slip inside, her tongue gently caressing your own.

She turned you both around and carefully pushed you backwards until your back touched the cold wall making you shiver.

Your bodies pressed together heatedly against it, lips moving in sync once again, tongues dancing, not seeking dominance, but still she took the lead on this dance.

You were not sure if it was your own heartbeat you heard, if it was hers, or the sound of both of your hearts hammering inside your chests, truth be told you were ready to explode from the joy that you were currently feeling.

In the clumsiest of manners your clothes were scattered all around the living room, hallway and finally bedroom.

"Are you sure?" she asked you, scared of you not being in the right mindset, afraid of overstepping and taking advantage of you in any way.

"Yes, Kate, I am," you reassured her, but it wasn't enough for her to give in yet.

"I'm serious. You're my everything, my heart is weak for you, and it always has been, and I don't want you to regret anything that we do or say tonight," she informed you, revealing the fact that she has been in love with you since forever.

"So poetic, seems like Emily Dickinson really made an impact on you, huh..." you joked, making her raise her eyebrow in return.

"Kate, I haven't been sure of anything in my life, but this I'm sure of. So just kiss me already!" you said and seconds later got pushed down onto the bed.

Her lips quickly found your collarbone, pressing chaste kisses all over you, leaving you in a state of bliss, wanting more.

"You have no idea how beautiful you are," she whispered and you could feel her breath tickling your skin. Every movement she made you slightly shudder in anticipation. Her hands roamed your body, rough fingertips grazing along your smooth skin.

Her lips moved downwards to your breasts, wanting to give them both the same attention, she first started to gently suck on one of your nipples, while fondling with your other breast.

You could not help but let a moan escape your lips, while her tongue did her magic. Her free hand started to roam even more, until it was resting on your thigh.

"Goddamn you're absolutely gorgeous," she said while it was clear that your breathing was getting slightly uneven. Fingertips tracing your inner thigh was making you impatient.

She was like a drug, she pulled you so easily in, and you wanted to be high on her, you knew if you weren't careful, you'd desperately need her, you felt like an addict wanting to be in a state of bliss.

Luckily for you her hand found your wet core and started to stimulate you without any more teasing. Slowly rubbing circles on your clit, and increasing the pace until she got a reaction, she quickly noticed how your thighs would twitch when it was obvious you were feeling pleasure.

Quiet moans turned into whimpers, and she kept on stimulating your clit. You were chasing it, the long-waited release, to leave all stress behind. Taking a hold of Kate's free hand, you intertwined your fingers with hers, slightly squeezing as your legs started to tremble.

You were not chasing your release anymore, it simply made its way to you, patiently waiting for you to let yourself go, to forget the past for just mere seconds. When you finally came, and the orgasm came washing over you, and you knew what volcanoes truly felt like.

"You're doing so good!" Kate said as she rode your orgasm out, letting you hold on to the feeling of rupture, so you could saviour it in your mind. It was nothing like you had experienced before, someone as loving as her making you feel so safe and content in a state of vulnerability.

It was simply better than how you could ever imagine paradise to be like, momentarily it seemed like heaven must have been overrated.

After having calmed yourself, sorted through all the thoughts that had come rushing back after your high, you gripped onto Kate's arm, pulled yourself up and your lips met hers in a loving kiss.

When your hands started tugging in her hair, and your kisses started to go from her lips to jaw, she slowly pulled away.

"This night is just for you, let me take care of you," she said as she pulled you in for a hug, pressing kisses on your neck.

You didn't know how to react, you were not used to this kind of affection, but now everything had changed. Kate started to stroke your hair, while phrases of praise left her mouth, telling you how good you had been. How proud she was, and how much she loved you.

After you had been sitting in her warm embrace with her safe and secure arms around you, she slowly pulled away, making you ache for her to come and hold you again.

She sat up with her back against the headboard, and opened her arms for you, soon enough the feeling of content came back. In this moment everything was perfect, you were safe and happy with Kate.

She was and is everything you had ever yearned and ached for. Pulling the covers over you and kissing your forehead before she then held around you, until you fell asleep, never letting go of you before you woke up the next morning.

"Good morning," she whispered when you lazily opened your eyes, forgetting for a second where you were and all that had happened the night before, until all the events of last night flooded back into your mind, making you blush just thinking about how lucky you were to be here in this moment.

Kate cuddled you, held around you, embraced you, showered you with love and affection and pressed kisses all over your face. "I love you; don't you ever forget that," Kate said, in a stern voice, like she was scared that you'll doubt her love for you, like it never existed.

"I love you too, babe... wait, can I call you babe?" you asked as stress was slowly consuming you, eating you up from the inside.

"Of course! But like, are we're in a relationship now?" she asked as her lips tugged into a big smile, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes... only if you want to try, I have a lot of baggage to sort through!" you said, like she had no idea about your now ex-boyfriend.

"I can deal with him, no problem. I've got a lot of new arrows I need to test out," she said sarcastically with a chuckle. 

[never-enough-whump]

Out Of Spite

Whumpril Day 6: Bad Coping Mechanisms

Summary: In the midst of her divorce, Milah seeks out Killian and starts to open up about having been abused. Set in the same modern AU as Second Time is Not the Charm but can be read as a standalone.

Read on AO3

--

Killian answers the knocking to find Milah standing outside his front door. She's wearing a formal pants suit, a large glass bottle in one hand, and her eyes are puffy as if she's been crying.

"Hey," she says, voice hoarse.

"Hello," he responds, giving her an encouraging smile. Are you all right? he almost asks, but it's too obvious she isn't.

"Can I come in?" she asks. Killian nods and opens the door wider, just as she lifts up the bottle, already open and drinken out of. "I brought rum. Thought it might help me convince you."

"You don't ever have to convince me to hang out with you," he says earnestly.

Milah gives him a long, hard stare. "Of course I do," she grumbles and pushes past him into the apartment. Killian closes the door behind her and doesn't argue. He's had his own "of course I do"s over the years (still has a few of them), so he knows it's better not to fight the issue.

Killian leads Milah into his dining room and sits with her at the table. She wordlessly passes him the bottle of rum. He takes a distracted drink, recognizing it instantly as the cheapest variety the liquor store sells, something he hadn't had to resort to for a long time. “What are you doing here?” he asks when it becomes obvious that she isn’t going to volunteer an explanation on her own.

“I’m getting drunk to spite my husband.” She spits the word "husband" with disgust and immediately takes a drink as if to wash it away. Then, her shoulders slump, making her look even more defeated than she already had. “I’m sorry to show up unannounced,” she says. “But I can't have alcohol where I'm staying and the bar's too public, so I figured here…"

"You're always welcome here," he reassures her, looking deep into her eyes and wishing there was some way he could communicate just how much he means it. "But," she breaks the gaze quickly, eyes darting to the side then fixating on the bottle of rum where it sits on the table between them, “how, exactly, are you going to spite him by being self destructive?" In Killian's extensive experience, drinking never actually helps as much as it seems like it will. Sure, it makes him feel better for a time, but once it wears off he's always left with not just the problems he started with, but also the despair of knowing that "feeling better" is so far out of his reach by any other means. And usually a headache. Not that any of that usually stops him, and he knows he should feel worse than he does for his hypocrisy in challenging her like this.

"Self destructive my ass!" Milah bursts out, finally meeting his eyes again, anger flashing in her own. He places a hand on her arm just below her shoulder, trying to comfort her. She sighs and leans slightly toward him, then continues in a much calmer voice. "I haven't gotten drunk in two years because the last time I did, my husband beat me." Killian inhales sharply, unable to entirely contain his shock and horror. He's suddenly acutely aware of his hand on her arm, and his stomach turns with the unwelcome thought of did he hit her here? The thought is almost enough to make him pull away, but he doesn't, knowing she'd see it as a rejection. "And after I had to relive those memories, after I had to humiliate myself by saying that out loud in court, he said 'that means it worked'." Her voice pitches higher but doesn't waver. "If I let him be right, that would be self destructive."

Killian can't argue with that. He understands the need to prove people wrong. He knows what it's like to have someone say something so terrible about him that he'd do anything to make it not be true. He knows what it's like to hear someone try to justify hurting him. His heart aches at the thought of Milah having those same experiences.

"He was never right," Killian says softly. "Even if you never touched another drop of alcohol, it wouldn't mean he should've done it. But," he grins, trying to shake off the seriousness of the moment, "a little spite never hurt anybody. Should I get us something nicer for the occasion?" He pulls back, letting his fingers trail down her arm as he prepares to go into the kitchen for a bottle of higher quality rum. Before he can stand, she catches his hand with hers.

"This is fine," she says. She takes another drink, as if to prove her point, and doesn't let go of his hand.

They pass the bottle back and forth, hands still clasped, and Killian does the one thing that has never failed to help Milah relax. He talks. He tells her about driving home late at night from an evening repair up north earlier that week - how he had noticed the sunset and stars so much more for just that slight change of perspective. About the one and only vacation he and Liam had taken as children - a camping trip to the desert in New Mexico with their one and only decent foster family. How ironic, isn't it, that for someone who loves the sea as much as he does, his happiest childhood memory would be of the driest place he'd ever been? He tells her about storms he's been caught in and has her laughing along to the most fascinating ways he's seen people try to fix their boats with duct tape.

He could keep talking for hours more, but when the bottle runs out, so does Milah's contentment. "I should go," she says fretfully and Killian feels a pang of disappointment.

"You could stay," he offers. "You should, in fact." Their hands are still joined and despite his words he uses the contact to help her to her feet. She spins toward him but stumbles with the momentum. He hurriedly grabs her shoulders, swaying with her as he squeezes her to his side to keep her upright. For a brief, flustered moment once they've regained their balance, Killian notices how good it feels to have her tucked under his arm like this, but, given the circumstances, he doesn't dwell.

"And why should I?" Milah asks playfully, and it takes Killian a second to remember what words of his she's responding to. "Do you think my husband's lurking outside your door?"

"But of course," Killian says, feigning seriousness. "Lurking like a crocodile." The statement isn't funny, but the laughter it elicits from them both has them nearly toppling over again.

Milah forces a sigh, keeping up the game of exaggeration. "I suppose I'll be sleeping on your lumpy old couch, then," she says, casting an entertainingly dubious look at the cracked blue leather of the couch that's just as lumpy and old as it had been accused of. Killian gently angles her away from the couch, toward his bedroom door.

"Ah! Now what kind of gentleman would that make me? You can sleep in my bed and I will graciously take the lumpy old couch."

He's reluctant to let her go, but he does, promising "I'll get you something to wear" as he goes to grab a t-shirt and pair of flannel pants from the dresser. He turns to see Milah sitting on the bed and is about to make another joke, but stops when he sees the way she's looking at him. Her eyes are shining with that same astonishment, almost confusion, at being treated kindly that he remembers from the night they met. The more he learns about her husband, the more he understands that look. And the more he hates the man responsible.

"Thank you," she whispers as she takes the clothes from him.

Milah hadn't been drunk in two years, is the thought he can't get out of his head that night. Laying on his couch in the dark, Killian thinks back to all the times he'd drank with her during those two years, and the times before, trying to pinpoint when she had started caring if she got drunk. When had she gotten more cautious, started ordering fewer drinks? Were her drinking habits the only thing that had changed? If he can just pick out the point at which it happened, then - what? The knowledge won't help him. If he can work it out in retrospect, it won't absolve him of not noticing at the time. It will do quite the opposite, because the real question isn't about the alcohol. It's: when had she come to the bar covered in bruises of her husband's doing? It's: how could he have helped if only he had realized?

–

Milah gets up while he's making breakfast the next morning. She comes into the kitchen, dressed again in her pants suit with the jacket over her arm, and leans against the counter.

"Thanks for keeping me company last night," she says. It sounds stiff and Killian winces internally. They were friends, at least as far as Killian was concerned, and he'd even go so far as to consider her his best friend (his best friend who he'd been falling in love with for as long as he'd known her, but that might or might not be relevant). Nights like last night were what friends did, but maybe Milah didn't see it that way. Maybe she really had only come for a place to get drunk and really thought he'd only sat with her because she was in his home. "I'm sorry," she adds, catching him by surprise.

"What ever for?"

"For last night. Getting drunk like that was a bad idea and I shouldn't have done it."

"And why does that mean you need to apologize to me?" She snorts at the question like the answer should be obvious.

"Because you had to deal with me, of course." Suddenly, it clicks. Why she'd been so quick to try to leave, why she was acting so odd about it now - it wasn't that she didn't want to be here. She genuinely thought he didn't want her here.

"Milah, no, there's no 'dealing with' about it. I like spending time with you."

"Even when I do stupid shit like drink half a bottle of rum because I'm too caught up in how I'm apparently just some kind of trained animal that can be beaten into - " she stops and furiously wipes tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry. You don't want to hear this."

Killian leaves the stove to lean across the counter towards her. "If you want to tell me, I will listen," he says, taking her hands in his. She shakes her head."That's the thing. I don't know if I want to tell you. I don't know if I was ready for you to know… that. I don't want it to change things.""It doesn't have to." Killian gives her hands a light squeeze and turns back to the stove, checking the bacon and starting to get dishes out of the cupboards. "Breakfast?" he asks.

Milah smiles. "Yes, please."

[natedogx15]

Miraculous Descendent Chapter 73: Picture Day

Previous Chapter

Picture day. A day to help students relive their past in the far future by looking into a yearbook. Being allowed to remember what it was like to live as a student with their family when they randomly find a yearbook under their bed or in the attic. Today is the day for the various classes at Françoise Dupont. Still, most don't seem to care, especially those who are part of or are aware of particular secrets.

Marinette and Nate walk toward the school, wearing slightly more improved clothes. Nate tried to go to school in his usual clothes, but Marinette stopped him. Marinette is wearing a pink jacket over a long-sleeve beige polo shirt and a dark blue skirt that matches her hair and eyes. Instead of her usual pink shoes, she's wearing brown over-the-knee boots. In comparison, Nate is wearing a short-sleeve light blue button-up shirt with a nice collar to go with black pants and his regular shoes.

While they walk, Nate notices something is on his cousin's mind. He can tell because it doesn't look like she slept well, even with her nicely applied makeup.

"You alright?" Nate asks, causing Marinette to flashback to when she met her ancestor.

Ladybug stares at the ghost of her ancestor in shock as he floats there for her to see.

"Are you Cheng Wang?" She asks nervously, causing the ghost to let out a good-natured laugh.

"The last time I checked, yes." He says kindly.

"Do you know who I am?" Ladybug asks after she realizes he called her Ladybug.

"Of course. How could I not know the girl using a Miraculous to protect people after being the first in our family to unlock the Miracle Box in a long time? Many of your other ancestors are quite jealous of you. Though, there are also quite a number who are proud." Cheng Wang tells her in the same kind yet wise tone. But there's a hint of amusement to go with it.

"I, I, I have so many questions," Ladybug says as she tries to wrap her head around the current situation before Cheng Wang places a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure you do. However, now you must rest. You have been through a lot today and should enjoy a good night's sleep. Don't worry. I'll be there the next time you call upon me. But I would like you to get at least a day's rest." Cheng Wang says in a grandfatherly tone.

Hearing his soothing words, Ladybug does feel her body wishing for sleep.

"Will you really be there?" Ladybug asks in a hopeful tone.

"Always." He promises before disappearing, leaving Ladybug seemingly alone to go to bed.

"Hey, are you okay?" Nate asks, jolting Marinette out of her thoughts.

She looks at Nate with a smile before saying.

"I'm fine. Just thinking about something. We have to talk to a few people today, though." She warns Nate, confusing him.

That memory of meeting her ancestor had been playing in her head the entire day yesterday after she woke up. She took her ancestor's advice and didn't contact him again the day before to try to calm down.

"Who are we meeting?" Nate asks, having not seen her yesterday due to being busy with fencing practice and other things.

Realizing she forgot to tell him what happened, Marinette quickly explains the events of a couple of days ago. Hearing this causes Nate to stop walking as he processes this information.

"So, let me get this straight. Three of our classmates are the other heroes and know about everything? Then Max and Kim also know about the Miraculous?" Nate asks more than states, begging Marinette to reiterate to ensure he knows he got it right.

Luckily for him, Marinette nods, causing Nate to groan.

"How did this even happen?" He can't help but ask in genuine confusion.

Marinette can't answer. She's still having trouble believing it herself. After that revelation, the two end up walking silently, Nate still trying to understand the chances of that happening. It doesn't take more than a few minutes for them to finally arrive at the school, where they can see a class already see people standing around the courtyard in preparation for picture day. They soon walk past the people to get to their classroom. Upon entering, they see some of their classmates also dressed up.

That isn't the only thing, though. Sabrina, Alix, and Adrien stare at Marinette in a new light from when they usually get to class. Max and Kim aren't far behind. They look like they're trying to figure something out while staring at Marinette. They're probably trying to figure out how they didn't realize Marinette is Ladybug sooner.

"Well, this is awkward." Nate thinks as he and Marinette walk to their desk.

Chloe, noticing Sabrina staring at Marinette strangely, tries to figure out what happened between the two. She, luckily, didn't see the stares of the others.

"Are they dating or something?" Chloe can't help but ask in her mind.

"You okay, dude? You were staring at them until they took their seat." Nino tells Adrien, causing the teen to jolt before giving him a nervous grin.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking about something." He tells his friend, causing Nino to shrug before returning to his music.

In the back right corner of the room, Juleka is nervously fidgeting in her seat while looking into a decorative wrist mirror every once in a while.

"Don't worry, Juleka. Everything will go great, and you'll be in an amazing photo." Rose promises to her friend, causing her to look at the shorter girl worriedly.

"Y-you think so?" She asks nervously.

"Of course, any mistake the photographer makes today will need them to retake the photo. They can't take photos for the yearbook when you're not in them, right?" Rose asks, causing a wave of relief to hit Juleka.

"Right." She nods.

But she's still worried about today since the universe always seems against her when she tries to get a photo of herself. Even school photos seem impossible for her. She can only hope Rose is right.

Later that day, Miss Bustier's class is in the school courtyard, preparing for the photo. Right now, Ms. Mendeleiev's class, which includes Aurora, Mireille, and Jean, is having their picture taken. The students paying attention to the class note how the other students try giving Aurore and Jean a wide birth while Mireille is as far away from Aurore as possible. That causes some to give them a look of pity.

Another interesting fact is that half their class is on one side and seems to be talking about something while the others are doing their own thing.

"So, let me get this straight. Not only are four of us superheroes, but half of our class know about the Miraculous?" Nate asks in genuine confusion as he stares at those who know the secret.

"That's correct. I'm still trying to calculate the statistics of this outcome." Max explains with a slight nod.

"Man," Nate says while rubbing the bridge of his nose as he thinks about that.

"It is a crazy coincidence. Are you sure Nino doesn't know you're Cat Noir?" Sabrina asks Adrien, causing him to shake his head.

"No. But I'm tempted to tell him." Adrien admits.

"Can you hold off on that until we've figured everything out? Plenty of people already know, two of which Hawkmoth has gotten to." Sabrina says while pointing at Max and Kim.

"Hey!" Alix snaps at her as Kim and Max wince while remembering watching videos of what they did as Akumas.

Sabrina raises her hands placatingly.

"I'm not blaming them or angry with them. I'm just saying that Aurore has already been akumatized three times, once while supposedly not feeling negative emotions. We're already in a fair amount of danger because you revealed your identity to them." She explains to help calm Alix and the other two down.

Alix doesn't look satisfied with that answer, but Marinette cuts in to stop a fight from happening.

"Can we not fight right now?" She pleads with the two, causing Alix to finally back down, but not before throwing a few more words at Sabrina.

"I will if she watches what she says about my friends," Alix warns, causing Sabrina to sigh slightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just making a point." She promises to the three.

"It's fine. You're not wrong. The fewer people who know, the better the statistical chances of your identities not being exposed." Max agrees with her.

"Still, can you not bring it up?" Kim pleads with her, causing Sabrina to nod while giving him an apologetic look.

Deciding to change the subject, Sabrina looks at Marinette.

"Did you talk to your ancestor?" She asks, causing Marinette to nod.

"I did, but he told me I shouldn't talk to him until I can think straight. I should be able to talk with him tonight." She promises.

"Do you think we can be there for the talk? Since we're teammates, it might affect us too." Adrien suggests, wanting to meet a ghost.

Marinette pauses and places a hand on her chin as she thinks about that.

"I'm not sure—I think he'll be alright with meeting you guys. He seemed really nice when we talked." Marinette explains.

"Are you sure it's a real ghost?" Max curiously asks while pushing up his glasses.

Alix rolls her eyes at her friend's question.

"Max, after everything that's been happening, do you really think actual ghosts are weird?" She asks, causing Max to shake his head.

"It's not that I don't believe it. As you said, a lot has happened because of the Miraculous. However, there's no proof of what happens after you die. Spectral beings like ghosts are just one of the many theories. For all we know, the Miraculous could have made a magic construct to look like Marinette's ancestor." Max explains in a matter-of-fact tone.

His explanation causes a few people to pause to think about it. One of which is Marinette. After a moment, the girl opens her bag and asks Tikki a question.

"Tikki, is what Max said true?" She asks the Kwami, causing Tikki to shake her head.

"There's no need to worry, Marinette. The spirit you met was truly your ancestor." Tikki promises the girl, causing Max's fascination to grow.

"Fascinating. So, we living beings become ghosts once we die?" He asks the Kwami as he walks over to her.

Once again, Tikki shakes her head.

"It doesn't have to be ghosts. Many things can happen. Life and death are complicated concepts." Tikki explains, furthering Max's interest along with Alix's.

"Can we talk about this later when it doesn't look as suspicious?" Marinette asks, feeling paranoid about the idea of people watching them.

Her paranoia isn't unfounded, as Chloe is curious about the group. She didn't think they all got along enough. It makes her more suspicious about what Sabrina and Marinette are hiding. She's not fond of the new girl, envious of everything Marinette has. Her hand tightens on her phone as she feels this emotion rise. 

She quickly looks around for a way to exert some of this feeling to get rid of it, but realizes she can't up and bully anyone right now when the principal is near. She'll have to be patient and wait for a chance. However, she does note a potential target.

A nervous Juleka looks into her wrist mirror to see if she looks good before brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Next to her, Rose is trying to comfort her with words of encouragement.

"It's going to be alright. We're almost ready to take the picture. Everything will be okay." Rose continues to promise the panicking girl while grabbing her hand comfortingly.

Feeling the smooth touch of Rose's skin, Juleka finally seems to calm down slightly. However, she wants a better look at her makeup.

"I-I'll be right back." She tells Rose before rushing to the bathroom, causing Chloe to smirk.

After she sees Juleka enter the bathroom, she looks around and sees no one is watching her. With that in mind, Chloe slowly and stealthily moves toward the bathroom. When she reaches the door, she cracks it open to listen in on Juleka while waiting for an opportunity.

Back with the rest of the class, they can see the photographer seeming to finish up with Miss Mendeleiev's class.

The photographer is a tall, well-built man with light skin, short, fluffy, reddish-brown hair, brown eyes, and a reddish-brown soul patch under his lip. He's dressed in a v-neck, short-sleeve white shirt, red and green plaid pants with black suspenders, black boots with white soles, and black fingerless gloves with holes on the knuckles.

Everyone around him can't help but find the man strange and eccentric.

"Bravo! You're all doing wonderful! That's it, give me smiles like when your mom is bringing in the spaghetti!" The man enthusiastically says as he continues to take class photos to ensure at least one good photo.

No one can tell if he is doing this to get a few laughs from the students because it looks like a few of them are having trouble keeping themselves from bursting out. But, at the same time, it seems like he may do this because he's eccentric.

"I don't think I can keep a straight face if he does this to us," Kim says with an amused grin as he stares at the photographer.

"Someone seems to have issues." Nate nods as he watches this next to Marinette.

Soon, Miss Bustier walks up to her class and has them gather.

"Alright, students. Listen to whatever the photographer says when he's arranging us for the photo, and try to show great big smiles for the photo to show how happy this year made you despite everything happening. If you're having trouble, try to think of something that brings you joy while he's taking it." Miss Bustier requests of her class with a kind smile of her own, as if leading by example.

No one seems to take her too seriously—not even Rose. She's too worried about where Juleka is. She quickly texts the other girl and tells her the class photo will be soon.

In the bathroom, Juleka is using one of the stalls when she gets the text from Rose. Seeing it causes her to panic. But before she can do anything, she suddenly hears a small bang on her stall door.

"Someone's in here!" She shouts in alarm.

After she shouts that, the banging stops, and she soon goes to open the stall door. However, to her horror, it won't open. Her attempts grow desperate, but it's not helping.

"Is anyone still out there!? The stall is stuck! Please help!" She shouts out for whoever was banging on her door earlier.

Outside the stall, Chloe smirks while listening to Juleka's pleas as she tries to open the stall door. When Juleka entered the stall, Chloe sneakily brought a chair into the bathroom and propped it under the door handle. Now, Chloe watches as Juleka continues to beg for help while she desperately tries to open the door with a smile. Without saying a word, Chloe exits the bathroom and returns to the class without a care in the world. She does so in time, too, as it's the class' turn to take the photo.

"Alright, Little Meatballs, form up and show me what I'm working with." The photographer commands.

With that, the class bunches together for the photo. Students either sit or stand around benches, one bench behind the other. Well, most of them, anyway. Rose doesn't see Juleka and walks toward Miss Bustier to bring it up.

"Miss Bustier, Juleka isn't-" She starts before getting cut off as Miss Bustier ushers her to join the others.

"Later, Rose. You need to listen to the photographer and join the others." She commands the girl while lightly pushing her to the other students.

Rose looks to the bathroom worriedly and pulls out her phone again before suddenly finding it snatched away by Miss Bustier.

"Please don't look at your phone when we're trying to take the photo." Miss Bustier pleads with the girl before putting the phone in her back pocket, planning to return it after the picture.

Realizing she can't escape and go check on Juleka, Rose reluctantly follows the rest of the class as they randomly move around the benches while sticking with their friend groups. The photographer looks at this with judgemental eyes before waving his hands and shaking his head in dissatisfaction.

"No, no, no, this is all wrong. All of you, move to the side." The photographer orders while making exaggerated move motions with both arms.

The students follow his orders and line up on the side. The photographer sizes them up while Principal Damocles sighs. He's been taking photos with all the classes and grows tired of the photographer's perfectionism.

"Is this necessary every time, Mr. Vincent?" Mr. Damocles asks, feeling Vincent is going too far with what he feels is necessary.

"Photographer is like cooking. Every step needs to be perfect to make something delicious. Otherwise, it'll be something horrid." Vincent says with a voice full of conviction while putting his fingers together and shaking his hands toward the principal.

"It also takes a chef who knows what they're doing," Chloe quietly mutters with an eye roll.

If Vincent hears her, he chooses to ignore her words. Instead, he's focused on studying the group.

"You, you, you, you, and you. I want all of you sitting up front." Vincent commands while pointing to Marinette, Max, Rose, Alix, and Myléne.

The quintet of students follow his orders and sit with Max on the far right side of the bench, Alix next to him, a nervous Rose in the middle, Marinette next to her, and Myléne next to her. Vincent stares at this group for a moment before nodding in satisfaction.

"Alright. You, you, you, you, and you. I want all of you to stand in the back." Vincent orders after pointing to Nathaniel, Alya, Chloe, Nate, and Sabrina.

Chloe looks unhappy at being in the back but doesn't say anything and reluctantly follows the others. Nathaniel stands behind Max while Alya stands beside him, Sabrina is in the middle, Nate is next to her, and Chloe is next to him. After another moment, Vincent nods again before looking at the remaining students.

"Now, the rest of you. I want you all to sit in the middle." Vincent orders while motioning to the back bench.

Kim, Adrien, Nino, and Ivan follow his directions. Kim and Ivan, being the tallest, take the ends of the bench while Adrien and Nino are between them. Overall, it's a nice-looking setup. With the tallest members sitting in the middle, it gives a good view of everyone's faces.

"Perfecto," Vincent states, but Rose raises a hand while trying to tell him something.

"Mr. Vincent-" She starts before Vincent waves her off.

"All questions and complaints come after the picture, my dear. Now give me big smiles, like when your parents make your favorite dishes." Vincent commands as he takes his camera and begins taking pictures of the class, with Miss Bustier on the right of them and Mr. Damocles on the left.

The teens do as he says, and most give their best smiles, aside from Ivan, Rose, and Chloe.

"What is the problem? Do some of you dislike your placements?" Vincent asks after a moment.

Chloe is the first to speak up.

"I would prefer to be upfront," Chloe tells him with a glare while Ivan shrugs.

Vincent glares at them before looking at Rose.

"What about you?" He asks her.

"W-well, my friend isn't here. She went to the bathroom and hasn't come back." Rose explains, causing Mr. Damocles to narrow his eyes before looking at Miss Bustier.

"Is this true, Miss Bustier?" Principal Damocles asks.

Miss Bustier nervously does a headcount. She's sure everyone was here when she took attendance this morning and didn't notice anyone walk off while waiting for the picture. However, she now realizes Juleka is indeed missing and gasps in worry.

"She's right. Juleka is missing." She tells the two men, causing Principal Damocles to glare at her.

"We will be discussing this later. For now, someone go and make sure Ms. Couffaine is alright." Principal Damocles commands while pointing to the women's bathroom, causing Rose to bolt for it with Miss Bustier following behind her.

In the stall, Juleka is crying while hugging her knees. It seems like no one is answering her calls for help or texts.

"S-stupid curse!" She cries out between sobs before she hears something shifting on the other side of the stall door.

In the next second, the door opens to show a concerned Rose and Miss Bustier.

"Are you alright, Juleka?" Rose worriedly asks.

Juleka looks at her friend before her instincts scream at her to leave. With that, she pushes past Rose and Miss Bustier and runs out of the bathroom. After exiting the bathroom, she shoves past the other surprised students until she's off the school grounds to find somewhere to cry about what happened.

Seeing this causes Principal Damocles to panic slightly before looking at Vincent.

"I'm sorry, but we'll have to put the pictures on hold until I've notified her parents about what's happening and we find her." Principal Damocles tells Vincent before rushing for his office.

"Juleka, wait!" Rose shouts as she runs out of the bathroom and school to find Juleka.

With Gabriel, he can feel the growing despair and anxiety from Juleka and can't help but pity the girl. He has full intention of using her emotions, though. He quickly transforms and uses Kaleidoscope to fly into his base, never noticing the mischievous smirk on Nooroo's face as he enters the brooch. When the window to his base opens, he gives a sad expression.

"A girl who only wants to be seen but is denied the chance by a strange curse that prevents her from being captured by a camera. I should offer her my help. Everyone will see you now." Hawkmoth promises while creating a butterfly.

"Fly, my butterfly, and make this one's dream come true."

The butterfly flies off and soon finds its target crying on a park bench after losing Rose. When the butterfly enters her wrist mirror, her tears cease, and she can feel Hawkmoth's voice and influence.

"Reflekta. I'm sure you know who I am. I'm here to offer you the chance to have all of Paris watching you. Everyone will follow your style and be like you. No one will forget you ever again. All you must do is bring me a Miraculous. Do we have a deal?" Hawkmoth asks despite knowing the answer.

"Yes, Hawkmoth." Juleka nods with a smile before black smoke envelops her.

When the smoke vanishes, it reveals Juleka's... unique transformation. It's pretty clear Nooroo messed with this transformation like he did with The Bubbler's.

As Reflekta, Juleka now has pinkish-white skin with brilliant red circle markings around her brown eyes, green orbs on her eyelashes, and purple lipstick on her smiling lips. Atop her head is a crown-like vibrant red helmet with purple lines, with thick cylinder horn-like objects growing on the sides of the back of her head. On the forehead of the helmet is a purple-outlined, pink-pupiled white eye turned ninety degrees so the edges are pointing up and down. It also has flaps that fall before Reflekta's ears. Matching with this helmet is a vibrant red dress with a ruff collar, poofy shoulders, a poofy skirt, and platform boots. The skirt has purple lines on the waist and the same eye as the helmet running along the shoulders and skirt. There is another eye on Refleka's right hand, where the mirror used to be. However, it's different from the others. It has a thick black outline with butterfly-like wings, a vibrant purple sclera, and a silver pupil that sticks out.

With a confident smirk, Reflekta announces to the world.

"With this power, no one will forget about me again!"

Hawkmoth doesn't say anything to her declaration. He's too busy trying to remain calm and not try to strangle his Kwami for their horrible fashion sense. It's not going too well. One of his eyes is twitching violently, and he's gripping his cane like he's trying to snap it in half while imagining it's Nooroo. It doesn't help that he can swear he hears the Kwami giggling in the back of his mind.

Next Chapter

[angelojamal]

When I was married, I knew I was not being replenished, I didn’t think that was supposed to occur. I felt then, if you pour into a spouse, they automatically pour into you. Not everyday, but often enough, so I could continue to pour into my spouse. When I knew I chose wrong, it was the first marriage anniversary. After a fight over my plans for our anniversary (probably because it was a planned event with her, my son, and myself and not a tangible item she can brag about online) it turned into a nasty argument where my ex spouse was breaking items in the house such as fans, due to her having a temper-tantrum. Then she left the house for more than 10 hours with my 6 month old son. She just left me in the house sulking in my own thoughts. The pain felt that day, I don’t care to relive and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. The Holy Spirit revealed then, I had a spouse that lied, cheated, stole, gossiped, was a angry, angry person. The Holy Spirit removed them from my path but I still needed to guide my children. The plan for my life was already set at seven years old. Once I had my children at 26, I kicked up my effort to be the best version of myself. Work smarter, not harder. If I stayed married and didn’t ask for a divorce in February 2016, I would not be who I am today. After the separation and the divorce was finalized in July of 2017, I have moved forward carefree of the ex spouse. I believe that my growth, thru the ruach’ha kodesh, has led the ex spouse to see me differently now. And I know my son and daughter need me present for them, however I can never be present for there other side of the family. I have had multiple attempts on my physical person verbally from them and the ex spouse and even narrowly evaded multiple attempted assaults on my person. I was ready for every attack, however, that displays what low vibrational people appear as. I moved on once I asked for a divorce and I was denied a divorce on terms I set with the court which was in my opinion very amicable and fair. The divorce was later brought up again once the ex spouse did enough fralicking around town, and once she finally researched the process enough to make it hurtful for myself. I didn’t care I wanted it over. I believed that if you didn’t want someone, you’d just go away, this woman stayed, kept my last name, and now after she is a single mom, with no man around that cares about her, her father just recently ascended RIP; now her negative and lonely mother has just moved into the house that was intended for my kids. Why are people attracted to what they claim they hate. It is wicked work. They believe my love for striving to be more like Yeshua/Jesus, makes me gullible. Shame on them. Retribution is YHWH/God’s, not mine. One things for sure and two things for certain, every dog has its day, and a good one might have two. Forgive others they trespasses, sometimes forgiveness, in a particular area or about a particular thing, may take years to master. And since our flesh is inherently sinful, we can relapse and have to ask God for more forgiveness about something years, and years later. Yet, YHWH is faithful. Anyone in need of scriptural basis of why forgiveness is needed and how it looks when YHWH forgives, just read the entire book of Micah, but right around about the 7th chapter is where the spirit enlightened me of how to move past a failed marriage attempt, with a harlot, in 2016. If your ex spouse was a harlot when you met, no judgement just clarifying, read the entire book of Hosea. I struggled financially due to child support. I struggled mentally due to not seeing my kids, as often as I’d like, and I continue to struggle at times emotionally because I’m in court again, almost 8 years after the divorce was finalized, which the ex spouse won (not me and certainly not the kids). I look to marry again, def not to this ex spouse, that’s tired, over, and done with. However, my next marriage will have the family, the home, the children the furthering of the legacy, but it will be done peacefully, and within the confines of peace.

”“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.“

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

To learn more about Forgiveness through YHWH’s example read the book of Micah in the Old Testament:

[britswriting]

Desire (48)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Warning: Sexual Content, wholesome fluff

*Leighton's POV*

Gemma had returned home from Gabriel's parents house and when I asked her if she had fun at Mimi's, she said no.

She came home in a horrible mood, and I thought a nap would fix it, but even with Uncle Landon play time and a special muffin snack, she was still moody.

I had one more thing up my sleeve...

"Want to draw a pretty picture for Coco?" I asked, Gemma perking up.

"Coco?" She asked and I nodded, grabbing some printer paper, cutting it in half and folding the halves into halves.

I laid down a tablecloth just in case, placing her bucket of drawing supplies on it.

My dad one day brought over some crayons and markers, claiming we had to start young to carry the legacy; staying for a few hours as they colored together.

Gemma came running over to me, climbing up onto the chair. I grabbed a black sharpie and wrote "You're Invited" on the front, flipping open to the middle and writing "Coco is formally invited to Gem Gem's 2nd birthday! RSVP with mama for info!"

I let her have free reign with the art supplies, scribbling all over the piece of paper as I continued to write out on the papers.

Gemma was getting more and more into coloring, so I figured this would be a fun activity to lift her spirits, plus, her birthday was sneaking up on us and I needed to make sure I invited people to it.

I was doing one of the last pieces when Gemma tugged at my arm, messing up where I had been writing.

"Mama?"

"Yes baby?" I hummed, accepting the fact that Logan's invitation was just gonna look like this now.

"Elp?"

"With what honey?"

She frowned, staring down at her paper that was all scribbled on.

I flipped it open to the middle, placing her sippy cup on the edge so it didn't shut. "There go baby" I kissed her head, Gemma beginning to scribble again.

I was surprised by how long this kept her attention, that I almost wished I had been productive during this time.

I was trying to remind myself to live in the moment and hang out with her, and not just throw an activity at her so I could vacuum.

I heard the front door open, the voices of Landon, Finn and Xander coming into the apartment.

"There's my baby G!" Landon cooed, coming over to kiss her head, only for her eyes to go wide and cover her work.

"NO!" She screamed, all of our eyes widening at the outburst.

"Gemma Lorraine, inside voice-" I tried to reprimand, but it was useless.

"No!" She yelled again, her eyes filling with tears, and I finally noticed what she was doing.

She didn't want him to see that she was working on her birthday invitations.

I mouthed "Go" to Landon, winking at him, hoping he got the gist, thanking god when he nodded and ushered everyone away.

I stood in the kitchen, starting dinner for the two of us when Colby tried to FaceTime me. The second I accepted it and Gemma heard his voice, she got excited but then angry, yelling at me.

"Gemma Lorraine, don't yell at mommy" I warned, not wanting to get a noise complaint.

"What's her issue?" He asked as I prompted him against the counter.

"She's making a surprise and doesn't want you to see. Landon came in and I swear she was gonna blow her top!"

"Ah, well I can't wait to see it. I was actually calling to ask you how therapy went?" He said and I groaned.

I added sexual assault and rape trauma to my list of issues in therapy, and today was my first session of us discussing what happened, and ways to cope with it so I hopefully didn't get any relapse temptations.

"Was fine. Sucked as always" I muttered, not really wanting to relive today's therapy session.

"I'm sorry baby. If it makes you feel better, I also talked about it in therapy" he said nonchalantly, catching me off gaurd.

"Oh? About what? You weren't R worded" I censored, glancing towards Gemma when I heard her rummage through her bin.

"No, but my girlfriend was.. and I want to learn how to be helpful. They suggested couples therapy for it" He brought up, catching my attention.

"Couples therapy? Why?"

"Well.. I guess in a way we can talk about it together? Learn how to grow from it. How to handle it"

"Oh"

"Are you interested?" He asked, shifting his position, causing the screen to shake.

"Um.. I don't know. It's still pretty fresh"

"Well isn't that the best time to do it? Nip it in the bud before it becomes an issue?" He asked and I stayed quiet, "Well I won't force you. Just an idea" He said and I nodded.

Gemma yelled for me to come help her, needing the next piece of paper. I couldn't help but smile fondly at her work. They all looked adorable.

Colby was talking to me about some meeting he had earlier today when Gemma called for me again, asking me to draw her a moo, frowning when Colby laughed.

"No!" She cried and I rolled my eyes, drawing her a cow, except she then got mad that it didn't look how it looked on her book, getting up and dragging that annoying ass book to the table to show me.

I practically traced the damn book to make my child happy, praying the day would come here quicker for when I could toss that shit in the trash.

"I should give her art projects more often. I've never seen a two year old sit still for this long" I told Colby, sitting down on the floor to fold laundry.

I swear it was never ending.

I wish I could tell me a year ago that it got worse when they became toddlers. Not only does she leak through diapers and spill on herself, but she's starting to strip out of her clothes and run around naked just for the hell of it.

She's making me a mound of laundry by the day.

"Her birthday is coming around the corner" Colby brought up and I nodded, bringing my finger to my mouth and glancing towards Gemma. "Do you have plans?" He asked in a loud whisper that made me roll my eyes.

Did he miss me telling him to shush?

I nodded, scrolling through Gabe and I's texts, sending a screenshot of her plans to him.

"No more talking toys!" I warned, Colby grinning.

"So I shouldn't buy her a stuffed cow that moos when you squeeze it?"

"Like a damn dog toy? I will cut off your balls and feed it to a damn cow if you do that" I threatened, his eyes going wide.

"Damn, feisty you are"

"I'm over hearing that damn book go mooooooo at 3 in the morning. She's insisted on sleeping with it, and lately she's been sleeping in my bed because I've been working more lately which has fluffed up our routine. I wake up and fall asleep too damn animal noises! I live in the fluffing city Cole!" I cried out, trying to be aware of the little ears not too far from me.

I really needed to get my swearing under control now that she was repeating us.

"Okay okay, no mooing cows. I got it, damn" he laughed and I groaned, rubbing at my temples.

"She needs a new fixation"

"How about ducks?' He asked, quacking at me.

I stifled a laugh, shaking my head, "Did you just fucking quack at me?" I asked, letting it slip.

"Quack quack"

"Shut up, that's no better than a cow mooing! In fact it's just more repetitive. At least a moo is drawn out. Not just like quack quack quack quack" I imitated, and then Gemma quacked from the table and I wanted to die. "I swear to god Colby" I groaned, hoping she doesn't start quacking twenty four seven now.

"Hey G?! What does a cow say?" He loudly asked, laughing as she went "mooooooo" from the table.

That night Gemma hand delivered her invitations to Landon, Xander and Finn, all three of them complimenting her drawing skills and I could just see the pride fill in her eyes, my heart wanting to burst at the idea of her being proud of herself.

Before work I dropped Gemma off at my parents, her invitations tight in her hand as she stood on her tip-toes, trying to reach the bell.

"Mama! Elp peas!" She cried, her arm stretched as far as she could.

We listened to the bell chim, Gemma giggling at the noise, waiting for someone to let us in.

Lexi let us in on her way out, kissing Gemma quickly before passing us, Gemma frowning.

"Tation?" She frowned, showing me the envelopes.

"We can leave it for Nonna and Papa baby, come on. Momma has to go bye bye. Let's go find Papa" I encouraged, trying to distract her from Lexi leaving too quickly.

After work Gemma and I went to the post office, Gemma was extremely excited to toss her invitations to Sammy, Coco and Meow into the big blue box.

"Coco go birfday arty?" She asked and I giggled, nodding.

"He wouldn't miss it for the world sunshine" I reassured, not realizing the nickname that slipped from my lips.

The morning of Gemma's birthday, she woke up bright and early, screaming about birthday breakfast.

Gemma helped me make pancakes, sneaking bits and pieces of the pancakes before we were done, making it so three or four had missing chunks.

"Mama yum!" she giggled, stuffing the piece of pancake into her mouth.

"Yeah? You did good baby" I laughed, her hand holding out a piece of pancake. I let her feed it to me, "Yum!" I grinned, Gemma giggling, grabbing a different pancake and taking a bite out of it.

I'll be surprised if any were left untouched.

Colby called whilst I plated the pancakes, making sure to make a few for Logan and Xander that didn't have toddler germs on them, wishing Gemma a happy birthday.

I caught myself smiling as they talked to each other, Gemma asking if he got her picture.

"I did! You did a great job Gem. Just like your momma and papa!" He encouraged, Gemma's shoulders slinking up to her chin as she became bashful.

"Ike papa?" She asked, a big grin on my face when I realized she became shy at the idea of drawing like her papa.

"Better than Papa!" Colby responded, a big smile on Gem's face, my eyes becoming wet.

"No etter dan papa! Papa est!" She argued and I caught Colby grinning at her, my heart picking up in pace.

"He is pretty good, but I think in a few years he's gonna have some pretty good competition. I mean look at this color theory-" he joked, holding up her multicolored scribble filled invitation. "Van Gough could never" he teased, a loud laugh falling from my lips.

"Baby, she doesn't know what any of that sh- is. I'm honestly surprised you do" I teased, catching myself mid curse.

"Hey! I am very smart and talented! In case you forgot, I helped you with that art piece for Sam!" He defended and I snickered, shaking my head.

"You were afraid to touch the canvas for ages!" I teased, Gemma stuffing a piece of her cut up pancake into her mouth.

Once we let Cokby go, Gemma ran down the hall to Landon's room, practically breaking down his door and I quickly shouted, "Make sure you're covered! Two year old coming in!" before the door opened, a plate of pancakes in hand. "Gem made breakfast" I announced, glad to see Landon and Xander were covered.

"Happy birthday G" Landon hummed, laying on his stomach, Gemma running over to him. "What'd you make?" His sleepy voice asked, trying to sound more excited for the bouncing toddler.

"pah-aches!" She giggled, bouncing on her feet.

I showed the plate of pancakes, Landon adjusting to sit up, pulling Gemma up onto the bed, kissing her cheek.

"You didn't make moooo pancakes?" He asked, her eyes going wide and snapping to mine.

I instantly glared at my younger brother, Gemma gasping.

"MAMA MOOOOO ACHES!" She yelled, Landon smirking and letting her wiggle off their bed.

I flipped Landon off as we left, Gemma running back to the kitchen demanding I make cow pancakes, meaning I needed to Google how to, but then she started crying because she wanted them now and I was moving too slow.

We then had our second tantrum of the morning when they didn't turn out how the picture in her head looked.

"This is your fault" I told Landon, having called him out for reinforcement.

We somehow got them to look semi okay, not wanting her birthday to be ruined before breakfast was even done.

Right before Gemma got up from her nap, Gabe and Zara arrived, and I was thankful Gemma seemed happy that Gabe was the one to get her from her nap.

"Look at the birthday girl!" Zara cheered, Gemma running over to her with a giggle. "Are you ready to go?" She asked, Gabe sitting down with her shoes.

Gabe and Zara were taking Gemma out for a few hours so I could prepare the apartment for the party. My dad was picking up Colby from the airport and then meeting me here to help out. Sam and Kat flew out to be with Sam's family for Thanksgiving and his birthday, promising to call later and wish Gemma a happy birthday.

Whilst pulling vanilla cupcakes out of the oven, I heard the front door open, catching my attention.

"Hello?" I called out, expecting it to be Landon having forgotten something. When there was no response. I tossed the oven mitts onto the counter, rounding the corner only to see Colby slipping off his shoes.

"Hi baby, your dad let me in" He grinned, looking up at me from his shoes, my arms immediately wrapping around his waist, greeting him with a kiss.

"I've missed you" I sighed, Colby squeezing me.

"Missed you more" he kissed me again, "I hate to let you go, but I really need to piss" he said, making me laugh.

"Such a romantic!" I called back, Colby slipping past me to the bathroom.

My dad got started on blowing up balloons whilst I got in the zone of filling cupcake liners when Colby wrapped his arms around me from behind, making me jump.

"Jesus christ!" I shrieked, hearing him laugh. "YOU MADE ME DROP MY CUPCAKE!" I yelled, seeing the cupcake that was once in my hand, now by my foot.

"You almost made me drop my croissant!" He mocked the meme, bending down to grab it off the floor, "Five second rule" he said, before peeling it out of the liner and plopping it in his mouth. "HAWT!" he breathed out and I cackled, "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!"

"Tastes good" he shrugged after gulping down the cupcake. "These are cute by the way" He held up the black cupcake liner that had little cows on them.

"I'm all cowed out, and I feel like it's just begun" I sighed, pushing a few of the cupcakes away from the edge.

Colby helped my dad set up the cringey banner as I got the snack bowls ready, feeling extremely anxious about making this party go smoothly.

Colby ended up joining me in the shower, wrapping his arms around my naked body, thankfully announcing himself before entering.

Colby laid sweet kisses against my neck whilst I shaved my legs, making my spine tingle

"That tickles" I mumbled, carefully shaving around my knee.

"I'm sorry" He mumbled against my skin, his hand moving my wet hair out of the way. "You just look so beautiful" he hummed, squeezing my ass.

"You know some people use self control" I teased, straightening my posture, turning to face him.

"Baby, I have none when it comes to you" He let a smile slip, his hands cupping my face as he leaned down to kiss me.

"Mm" I moaned into it, not being able to get my words out. "Cole- Colby" I struggled, Colby's head falling to my shoulder, littering my collarbone in tender kisses. "We can't. I'm not ready and people are gonna be here soon" I reminded him, wincing when his teeth pressed into my skin. "You better not leave a noticeable hickey!" I warned, my head rolling back at the feeling, my hips pushing outwards involuntarily.

"Seems ready to me" he hummed, his hand slipping down to my hip, his fingertips brushing against my ass as he left his hand there.

"Colby" I warned and he groaned.

"I've missed you and your beautiful velvet skin baby. I'm not going to fuck you, I just want to love up on you. Your vagina has a chokehold on my cock baby. What you say goes, but I'd still like to love on the areas I can. You said no, and I respect that but if you'll allow me, I'd still like to feel your skin under mine"

I gave into his touch, basking in the feeling of his affection.

"You know in those like romantic movies how they like wash each other's hair? I can't even see the top of your head" I snickered, passing him the shampoo.

"Do you want to?" He asked, popping my shampoo bottle back open.

"You're gonna smell like flowers" I grinned, Colby rolling his eyes.

Colby leaned on his knees in front of me, passing me the bottle.

"Better?" He asked, my laugh bouncing off the shower walls, making my ears ring a little.

"Are you going to suck my cock whilst you're down there?" I grinned, Colby letting the water wet his hair as I poured the soap onto my hand.

"I'd bring you to an orgasm so fast if you let me" He groaned, my hands running through his hair, spreading the soap, my nails softly scratching his scalp. Colby moaned, making my cunt pulsate, my eyes closing, feeling his hands on my skin. "God that feels good. You should do that more often" he hummed as I washed out the soap.

"Do you want conditioner?" I questioned, trying to ignore his sounds of pleasure and then annoyance when I stopped.

"Anything to get your fingers back in my hair" He smirked and I wanted to smack him so bad.

I ran the conditioner through his hair, Colby placing tender kisses against the lower part of my breasts, driving me inside when his tongue teased my nipple, keeping all of his touches right under where I so desperately wanted him.

"You're being a brat" I muttered, rinsing out the condition as he continued to leave teasing touches.

"Stop trying to resist me and give into the pleasure your body is craving" He muttered against my skin, biting softly against the extra fat on my stomach.

"Hey" I frowned, flicking the back of his head with my finger.

"Did you just flick me?" He asked, his eyes full of surprise.

"You bit my fat!"

"It's very biteable"

"Word to the wise, maybe don't draw attention to the areas I'm insecure of" I teased, carding my fingers through his wet hair, watching the water droplets roll down his collarbones to his chest.

"But I love those areas" He said, biting near my belly button, making me wince again.

"Stop biting me, you vampire" I gripped his hair, pulling a little, watching his facial reactions but he just nibbled my skin again, his hand sliding up my thigh and going to my hip bone making my skin feel like I was on fire.

I pulled at Colby's hair, getting him to unlatch from my skin.

"Please don't leave bruises on my skin. The ones on my hips and boobs are finally going away" I said softly, watching his eyes soften, apologizing, his lips littering kissing from my knee to my upper thigh, pressing a tender kiss to each passing bruise that was in the shape of fingerprints.

I felt his tongue brush against the bruise, my eyes closing as my head leaned back, my hand lost in his hair.

"The only marks that should be on your beautiful skin is from love. I love right here" He kissed my hip, "and here" he moved towards my extra weight, placing a few kisses in different areas, "and here" he hummed, sucking on my right hip bone, soothing the area. I felt him smirk against my skin before he grabbed my leg, lifting it over his shoulder, supporting my thigh. "And here" he breathed against my now quivering cunt, pressing a soft kiss against my lips, a low moan falling from my lips.

"Fuck, do that again!" I begged, Colby happily obliged, pressing another feather like kiss to my clit.

I felt myself clench around nothing as he did it again, except this time his tongue flicked it softly making my toes curl as my hand reached out for the shower wall to support myself, my hips involuntarily grinding against him.

I felt myself try to move at a fast pace against his slow touches, Colby looking up at me from under my leg, our eyes connecting and I felt my heart rate slow down as he placed soft kisses against my inner thigh.

My tight muscles relaxed as he moved down my thigh, his fingers rubbing against my folders before slipping into me, my eyes falling shut as my lips parted.

I could feel my stomach tighten as my breathing became more intense, groaning when he slipped his fingers out of me and let my leg back down.

"What are you-" I tried to talk, Colby getting up and cutting me off with a kiss, his hands resting on my hips.

"You're beautiful inside and out, you know that?" He asked, my eyes opening from the kiss, feeling his breath against my lips.

"You stopped my orgasm to tell me I was pretty?"

"No, that you're beautiful. That's very different Leighton" He teased, his nose brushing against mine making me turn my head out of embarrassment.

"Can you just fuck me already?" I whined, Colby's finger moving under my jaw, turning me back to him, kissing me again.

"I rather listen to your sweet moans for hours-"

"Cole I swear to god if you don't make me cum within the next two minutes-" I whined, knowing we really didn't have time for his tender touches.

As much as I loved them, people were going to be here in two hours, and I wasn't ready at all.

This shower was supposed to be 10 minutes max.

"You're really killing the mood here baby" He teased, pinning my hands to the wall.

"You killed my orgasm. You created this monster now you better feed it"

"Careful or I'll fill that pretty little mouth of yours with yours with my cum"

"Promise?"

~

"Do you love it baby?" I laughed, watching her inspect her birthday outfit in the mirror before squalling "Yes!" running to hug me. "I'm glad, let's do your hair and then you can go show Nonna and Papa"

"And Coco!"

"And Coco" I nodded, grabbing her little hand and walking with her to the bathroom. "How do you want it lovebug"

We pulled Gemma's hair into little big tails, plopping the cute little bow on her head.

I pulled out my phone and took a few mirror selfies with her, sending Gabe and Colby, one of me kissing her cheek, a big smile on her face.

Gemma ran over to Colby, doing a spin, basking in his compliments before showing my parents, and finally Gabe and Zara.

It was weird to think about how much she's grown in just two years.

She went from being a little baby in the NICU to a giggly bouncing toddler.

I laid in bed last night scrolling through my pregnancy photos and early newborn pictures, crying as I thought about her being two.

The hardest photos to look at were when Gemma was on oxygen. It definitely made me feel extremely grateful to see her running around and playing knowing just how different things could've gone.

Gabe and I sat next to Gemma, offering her presents to open as people filmed and took photos, cheering her on.

Every time she opened a present and we said who it was from, she'd run over to the person and hug them, melting my heart.

"What did you get Gem? Can you show Roo?" I asked, pointing towards Lexi who had my phone. "Can you say thank you Sam and Kat?" I encouraged, Gemma's eyes stuck on the box, showing her what was inside.

I laughed softly, kissing the top of her head, "I think it's safe to say she likes it"

"Open ease?" She asked, turning her head to look up at me.

"Later baby, we got more things to open! Coco got you a gift, Papa got you a gift, daddy got you a gift" I motioned towards the unopened presents.

"Coco!" She squealed, Colby reaching over and sliding the big box towards her, pulling out his phone, ready to film her reaction.

The wrapping paper was off in an instant, not even giving me enough time to make fun of how it was wrapped, Gemma squealing at the picture on the front.

Gemma shoved the box out of the way, shooting up off my lap and booking it to Colby, collapsing into his chest.

"Say thank you Gem" I reminded her, a muffled childlike thank you being heard, the group aweing and laughing at her reaction.

"You're very welcome Gem" He kissed her head, Gemma running back over to us, dropping to her knees, her little hands slapping the box as she stared.

It was safe to say that was the first present we were taking out of the box.

Gabe helped set up the toy, and once Gemma figured out how it worked, she was cruising all over the apartment, running into walls and over toes to the point I had to pull her aside and give her rules.

Of course, being a toddler who didn't understand rules yet, she broke every single one of them but Gabe told me to let it go and let her enjoy her birthday.

"I sent Sam the video, he's glad she likes it and says to let him know when things die down and he'll call" Colby said, showing me the text.

I nodded and leaned against his arm, watching her and Noel play with a few toys, both of them covered in frosting from the cupcakes.

"I'm happy she has a friend" I said softly, Colby wrapping his arm around my waist, his hand resting on the front of my hip.

"Do you think they'll be friends for a long time?" he asked and I watched the two toddlers play, nodding.

"I hope so. Her mom's really nice too"

"Yeah? You're making friends?" He teased, and I looked up at him to see him grinning down at me. When his eyes met mine, he leaned down to kiss me, letting it linger before I felt little hands slap my foot, my eyes popping open, finding Harper at my feet.

I giggled, lifting her up and kissing her cheek. "Is it uncle Colby?" I asked, Colby giving the one year old attention.

Harper roped Colby into playing with her, making my heart explode as April elbowed me, a mischievous look in her eye.

"He's so good with kids" April daydreamed, watching Colby adore Harper right in front of us. "That's your sister's kid, right?" She questioned, and I nodded.

"Technically brothers, but they've been married long enough, she might as well be" I joked, spotting Cynthia and Logan talking to my parents.

"You've got quite the full house here" She noted, looking around and I nodded.

"A lot of people love that little girl. I'm extremely grateful" I sent her a small smile, feeling a little awkward.

"So.. Do you think he's the one?" She asked, catching me off guard.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think you'll get married?" She reiterated.

I practically snorted, shaking my head. "When we started hanging out, he told me he never thought about marriage. About tying down so I doubt it" I answered truthfully, feeling like I was punched in the stomach with reality.

"Things change, you know?" She said, sounding optimistic but I couldn't help but mutter, "Feelings about topics like that don't easily change"

"Do you want to get married?" She asked, my brow furrowed.

"To Colby?"

"Or in general"

"Of course. White picket fence, a litter of kids, the whole nine yards.. I just.. I don't think it's in the cards for me" I admitted, weary for sharing too much to someone I've only known a little over a month.

"Why wouldn't it be in the cards? You guys seem happy" She noted and I sighed.

"Life has a funny way of showing you your destiny. Some people aren't meant to have a happy healthy forever kind of path. Some people hit the sticks and tumble down some rocks, plopping into a creek" I said nonchalantly, not thinking much of what I said until I heard April laugh. "What?"

"You know what cleans you? It's one of the reasons people are baptized in water. To wash away the sins, start fresh, be new, you know?" She said, the religion talk catching me off guard.

"I don't know.."

"You said you're twenty three right?" She asked and I nodded, "You're practically a baby still. You have a whole life to find forever"

"You found forever, and you don't look that old" I spoke before thinking, my eyes widening. "I'm so sorry!" I quickly apologized, April laughing.

"Kevin and I have known each other a long time. We were friends, we dated other people but at the end of the day... we couldn't find better. That doesn't mean we're perfect for each other, and for all I know there could be someone better... but I don't want someone better" She said, and I instantly felt shitty.

"I'm glad you're happy April" I said, her face seeming confused and I groaned, "I didn't mean to sound bitchy. I'm genuinely happy you're happy. I'm happy you found someone you feel like that with" I corrected, my eyes glancing towards Colby who had a pile of girls three and under, on top of him.

"You have it too" She said, getting me to look back at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Happiness. Love. That man hasn't stopped looking at you or your daughter since I got here" April had a small smile on her face, my eyes immediately going back to Colby who was laying on the ground, two toddlers on his chest as they giggled, Colby pretending making some sort of monster noises.

April and I chatted for a while, watching the hustle and bustle of my family and friends mingling before the toddlers ran up to us, begging for a cupcake.

The party started winding down, only a few of us left, Gemma and Noel on a sugar high as they played throughout the apartment.

"Do you think they'll be friends forever?" April asked, leaning against my counter as she dried dishes, the sounds of their gibberish in the background, playing with new toys.

"I hope so. I'd hate for either of the girls to deal with that sort of heartbreak. Gem.. I don't know. I feel like she's social with adults because that's all she's been around. Hopefully she'll befriend some toddlers. Gabe and I plan to put her into preschool whenever we can"

"Is co-parenting hard?" April asked and I shrugged, explaining we just started. "I can't imagine having to split my time with Noel" She said, sounding like that was her worst nightmare.

"Well I.. I mean, yeah.. it's hard.. but.." I pushed my lips together, glancing towards the soaper water.

"But?"

"I'm used to it" I shamefully admitted, not wanting to look over towards her.

She stayed quiet which I was thankful for, Colby stepping into the kitchen, asking me to move so he could grab a garbage bag, kissing my cheek before he left.

"How old is Colby?" She asked and without thinking I told her 25, almost 26. "It's interesting that he's so young and wants this. Like without obligation" She said and when I stayed quiet she sighed. "I didn't mean to make you question things. I'm sorry. I love that he's so involved. Just find it interesting, that's all"

Sam ended up calling us whilst Gemma was in the bath, Gemma showing him her bubbles, laughing when she saw herself on the screen with bubbles on her head.

I feel like the older she's getting, the more fun she's having when they call. Sam sometimes will call just hang out whilst he's editing, and Gemma usually finds a way to become the center of attention, making it so he gets nothing done but he claims he wouldn't have it any other way.

Besides this morning, today had been full of giggles and smiles and I couldn't help but crawl into my bed where Gemma and Colby were snuggling with a smile on my face.

"Have you had a good birthday Gem?" I asked, rolling over to face her, pulling the blanket up over us, Colby fast asleep on the other side of her.

She nodded and I felt like my heart could burst.

"I'm glad. Are you excited to hang out with Grandpa and Mimi tomorrow?" I questioned, trying to prepare Gemma to spend thanksgiving with her dad.

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Be wit Coco" She mumbled, sleep apparent as she slurred her words, snuggling into Colby's sleeping body.

"You'll see Colby again baby. Daddy and Zara want to spend time with you" I said softly, brushing some of her hair out of her eyes.

"Coco go bye bye?" She asked and I shook my head.

"Not for a little while. He wanted to hang out with his baby G" I smiled, snuggling closer to her, letting my arm drape over her and Colby, my hand resting on Colby's chest.

The day of Sam's birthday Colby planned a surprise trip to a farm not too far from us that was used as an education center for kids, and the entire drive there we heard "We dare yet?" driving me up a wall.

I've never been happier in my life to see fields of farmland, and know we were at our destination.

Gemma unclipped her car seat buckles, earning a surprising scolding from Colby about how dangerous that is and to never do it again, ending in tears.

I was surprised that Colby didn't cave and snuggle her, but basically told her to get over it which made me laugh since I knew how with one bat of the eye he would be a puddle on the floor.

Gemma was dressed in cow print overalls and a shirt that read "moo" and Colby plopped a cow print cowgirl hat on her, chuckling about how we'll never lose her.

"This feels excessive" I mumbled to him, not wanting Gemma to hear me as she waddled in front of us, her eyes taking in the big red barn.

"She looks cute, leave her alone" Colby scolded quietly, squeezing my hand in his.

"I can't believe you bought her a cowgirl hat"

"Well she has to look the part" He declared, turning to look at me, "And I got one for you, but you didn't want it. We all could've been matching"

"When you said you had errands to run, cowgirl hats aren't what I was expecting you to come back with" I snickered, swatting the top of his hat so it would cover his eyes, annoying Colby.

"Whenever you're ready to join in on our fun, just say the word" He hummed, spinning my cowgirl hat on his wrist.

We got our wristbands, Colby paying for the event saying it was part of Gemma's birthday present.

"Are you ready to go have fun G?" He asked her, Gemma holding his hand as we came to a fenced off area for the chickens.

Gemma jumped when one of the chickens squawked, her eyes wide before she could even reply to Colby, her head whipping up to look at Colby, glaring as he laughed at her.

"Can you go cock-a-doodle-doo Gem?" Colby asked, mocking the sound of a rooster, pretending like she wasn't shooting daggers at him for laughing at her.

"Cwockwawoodledooo" She copied, stumbling over herself, melting my heart.

"Hello!" An elderly woman greeted, Gemma's eyes locked on a chicken that was picking up seed. "How old is she?" She asked, Gemma clinging to Colby's leg.

"She just turned two" I smiled fondly, the woman aweing.

"So precious! What's her name?"

"Gemma"

"Hello Gemma! I'm Heather" The woman waved, Colby nudging Gemma's shoulder to see if she'll wave back.

I laughed when she gave a quick fast wave, the woman grabbing an egg out of the coop.

"Would you look at that! It's still warm! Would you like to hold the egg Gemma?" Heather asked, wincing as she crouched down, "These knees don't work the same as they used to" She joked, rocking a little.

"Do you want to hold the egg G?" Colby asked, moving closer to the elderly woman.

"I think she's a little intimidated by the chickens" I snickered, seeing her cling to Colby still, watching a chicken that was coming closer to her.

"G, you're okay" He chuckled, "How about we go hold the egg and get away from the chicken?" he offered and she nodded, walking over to the woman with him after he handed me his phone, the camera already opened and ready.

I snapped a few photos of Gemma holding the egg, her face scrunched up the second the apparent warm egg was in her hand.

"Yucky" She wrinkled her nose, all of us laughing.

"It came from the chickens butt" Colby decided to tell her, Gemma's eyes going wide as her jaw dropped.

"IT'S BUTT?!" She gasped and I swear I was going to wet my pants. "EWWWWWW!" She squealed, dropping the egg on the ground, it splattering. "AH!" She yelled, the yolk landing on her shoe. "Mama!" She yelled, her noises catching the chickens' attention, Colby and I too busy laughing to notice she was balling her eyes out, running to me, chickens squawking as they almost got stepped on.

Colby scooped Gemma up and put her on the back of her shoulders as we walked to the pigs, Gemma covered her nose with her hand, her face scrunched up.

"Coco see moos?!" She asked, Colby shaking his head.

"Not yet, we're gonna see the piggy's!" He did a few pig snorts in her neck making her giggle and shrivel her shoulders up, her hand shoving his face away.

I joined in with him, Colby crouching a little so I could reach, Gemma belly laughing so hard that it went silent.

A man holding a feed bucket placed some of the feed in my hand, telling me to keep an open palm and the pig would eat out of it, my face scrunching up from the slobber left behind.

Colby continued to take photos of us, whether it be singular shots of Gem or I, or photos as a group, he constantly had his phone out taking photos and videos, the smile on both of their faces making me fall even harder for this man.

By the time we reached the cows, Gemma was losing her shit.

I swear you would think she was meeting some boyband member she's been loving for 13 years.

She kept repeating, "Coco mooooo!" and "Mama mooo!" As she excitedly pointed towards them.

"Look baby G, you match!" Colby pointed, her eyes wide.

"MATCH!" She copied, jumping up and down.

"Can you say cow, Gemma?" I asked, picking her up so she had a better look at them.

"COW!"

A cow came over towards us, grazing on the grass and Colby helped Gemma pet the side of the cow, all three of our hands lightly touching the cow when I looked over at Gemma and I could practically see the memory forming inside of her little head.

We were making memories as a family right now, and I just knew this one would be one of her earliest memories and that thought alone made me want to ball my little eyes out.

I took a photo of Gemma and Colby holding hands, walking towards the horses, both of them wearing their cowboy/girl hats.

I wanted to die out of cuteness from today.

There is something about watching my boyfriend and daughter bond together that was really making my ovaries crave something I knew we weren't ready for.

We were immediately matched with a trainer and a horse that was really good with kids, Gemma clinging to me like her life depended on it.

"The horsey is so nice Gemma" Colby tried to engage her, both of us seeing she was extremely nervous.

I picked her up so she didn't feel like the horse was as massive, the trainer coming back with some snacks.

"Would you like to feed Trigger an apple?" The middle aged man asked, placing an apple on the palm of his hand, feeding it to the horse. "He doesn't bite. He's been around kids since he was a foul" He explained to Gemma, Gemma's grip on my shoulder loosened when she watched Colby do it, Colby laughing when the horse's lips touched his hand.

It took a little bit of confidence boosting but we finally got Gemma willing to hold the apple in her hand, Colby taking a photo of G and I next to the horse, telling her to "Smile!" earning the picture perfect toddler cheesy grin, the horse sneaking the apple quickly out of her hand, sending her into a fit of giggles, wiping her now slobbered hand on my shirt, making me gasp.

"Eww, Gemma!" I teased, scrunching my face up, her laugh getting louder.

God I loved her laugh. There was something so incredible about hearing your child belly laugh.

"Babe, look" Colby laughed, showing me a few photos he just took.

The first photo was cute, Gemma was smiling really big, holding her hand out with the apple, a smile on my own face and as you went through the next 2 photos you watched the horse steal it, and then Gemma belly laughing as my face was all scrunched up.

The man put a carrot in his mouth, feeding it to the horse, pretending to kiss the horse which made Gemma laugh and when we watched back the video of Colby copying the man, all you could hear was Gemma's giggles; both Colby and I grinning at the sound.

"Want to try babe?" Colby asked, offering me a carrot and I quickly shook my head. "Why not?"

"Horses scare me" I confessed, glaring at my boyfriend who was trying to hold back his laugh.

"So there is no way I'd get you to ride with me?" He asked and I cringed, wrinkling my nose.

"If Gemma does it, I'll think about it" I bargained, highly doubting my two year old would want to go sit on a horse, considering she seems hesitant to even stand next to it.

"Promise?" He asked and I nodded. "Gemma wanna come sit with Coco and pet the horsey?" Colby asked, "I'll hold you so tight the entire time, promise!" He continued, stepping Into the stirrup and throwing himself over, adjusting slightly before holding out his hand to her.

Gemma was nervous but she nodded, Colby holding his arms out, letting me hand her off to him.

"Look at you, bug!" I cheered, snapping a photo of her, Colby's strong arms moving in front of her, cradling her body. "You're so big!" I grinned, the trainer grabbing the leading rope.

I kept my eyes locked on the loves of my life, one because I was scared as hell that something would happen to Gemma, and two I loved the way Colby held her and he would murmur things to her, making her laugh.

Everything felt surreal today. The idea that this could be our everyday, hanging out and exploring the world together felt like a fairytale you'd only see in Disney, yet here I was, living the dream that I never would've imagined for myself.

They walked around a bit until Gemma seemed like she was over it, Colby giving me a knowing look.

"Come on baby" He said and I quickly shook my head.

"Absolutely not!"

"Leighton, we had a deal!"

"She's two! She doesn't know how scary the world is yet!" I argued back, nerves starting to crawl up my skin.

"Exactly! If a two year old can do it, a twenty three year old can do it" he tried again but I held my ground.

"That's not how fears work Cole!"

"Please, you promised! Gemma, tell mommy you want her to ride horses with us!" Colby tried to coax her, the trainer feeding Trigger another apple, rubbing his snout.

One way or another I wound up on the horse, Colby keeping me steady and the trainer handed me Gemma and I locked my arms around her.

I held my breath as the horse started to move, my whole body going rigid.

"Breathe baby" Colby murmured against my ear but I struggled, closing my eyes which ended up being more terrifying, popping them back open.

"It's cute you're scared of horses" he snickered softly in my ear.

"Me being afraid if something is cute? You're twisted Brock!" I hissed, my thumbs rubbing in a soothing motion over the fabric of Gemma's clothes.

"I would've never picked you out in a lineup as a girl afraid of horses" He hummed, the horse picking up pace a bit, the air getting knocked out of my lungs. "Baby, you're okay. We're barely moving. Gemma's having fun, relax" he coaxed, his thumb rubbing against my arm, my head leaning back against his chest as I tried to breathe.

I felt his breath against my ear, his low smooth words sending a chill down my spine. "Feel like a princess yet, darling?" He asked, and I stifled a groan, the memory of me telling him sometimes I wanted to feel like a princess coming to mind. Colby's teeth graced the shell of my ear, avoiding my piercings before kissing my cheek.

The car ride home was full of laughter and singing, Colby and I stealing glances at each other as we listened to Gemma try and along to the radio until she fell asleep, clutching her new stuffed cow that Coby had gotten her from the gift shop, the car coming to a blissful silence.

Colby's thumb grazed my knuckles, his eyes on the road when I turned to look at him.

"Today was really fun, I'm glad we got to hang out together like this before you have to leave to go film. It felt really nice to see you guys hang out. Made me feel like maybe I had finally found a good path to walk down" I said quickly, biting my bottom lip at the end, afraid to admit those words too loudly.

"I always have a blast when I'm with my girls" He said, causing my stomach to flip, bringing my hand to his mouth, leaving two sweet kisses.

"Thank you for being an incredible Coco to her. You're truly one of a kind" I murmured, a boyish grin on his face as he listened to my words.

"Thank you for allowing me to be her Coco. I love that little girl like she was my own you know" he said, stopping my heart.

"You mean that?" I questioned, my voice cracking.

He chuckled, glancing over at me, "She's been mine since the second my eyes landed on her beautiful little face, straight out of your vagina" he half joked, shooting me a grin.

"I love your story telling babe, it's very visualizing and heartfelt" I teased, Colby squeezing my hand.

"The best for the best!" He grinned, our facial expressions matching as I let out a content sigh.

"Thank you for choosing me" I said quietly, turning to look out of the window.

"I didn't choose you baby, you found me and it's been quite the ride since" He teased. "I uh.. I know you thought me loving you was fast.. and that.. you were worried I didn't know what I was getting into.. that I was playing some sort or game or whatever.. but when you know you know. The second I really got to know you.. it was over for me. Not only did this eccentric girl drive me wild, but her beautiful little daughter had me wrapped around her finger too. You're my girls. At the end of the day I'm coming home to you. I lay in my bed and I think about you. Ever since... ever since I found out you were pregnant, it was weird. I didn't think I'd want to be involved, you know? And then I heard her perfect little heartbeat and something just flipped in my chest. I saw you in this whole new light. You weren't a stranger sitting in my living room anymore. You started to open up more and really let us get to know you, all because of that little girl back there. If anything, I owe my entire source of happiness to Gemma. You two have truly changed my life since day one, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Today was the first of many family dates, and I can wholeheartedly tell you I can't wait for me... which uh.. leads me to my next question" He said, sounding nervous which made my heart race, my insides going in all sorts of circles as I felt a plethora of emotions run through me.

"Which is?"

"Will you come home and meet my parents?"

* * * * 

a/n: Each photo is a slide

colbybrock: Happy birthday to my partner in crime! I can't believe 2 years ago today I had the privilege to watch you come into this world and we haven't left each others side since! Dream big bug, coco loves you! November 25th 2022

* * * * 

A chapter of wholesome fluff could only mean one thing...

Written on: January 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th 2023

Published on: January 7th 2023

Word Count: 8.3k

Part Forty Nine