#will this make sense to anyone else. maybe not but thats fine

[agalnamedlunasea]

Every nights a heartbreak..

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Lil Emo AU Akira for James my best friend James @shslskaterboy 's birthday! Love you so so much bestie!❤💛

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[alchemiclee]

been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)

[transgaysex]

i got hit with like. nauseating anxiety a couple hours ago and i dont know how to make it stop

[lion-buddy]

being the resident nezuko liker is such a challenge sometimes

[waterberry-strawmelon]

dungeons and daddies season 2 rant!

this is mostly a vent post bc i’m just not a huge fan of the way the stakes in this story have been handled in the 2nd season so far! obviously i love the podcast so this is no hate on it, but i just wanted to get this out there and see if anyone else feels similarly, or if perhaps season 2 gets a little less messy and forcibly dramatic later on!

*Note: As of right now, I just finished Episode 13—aka the huge lore dump episode lmao! So maybe things get better after this and i just dont know it yet!

This is a lot of word vomit cuz I wrote down all my thoughts in my notes app on my phone stream-of-consciousness style, so if something doesn’t make sense, that’s why!

My problem with season 2 is that the rules of the world and of the story keep changing. The rules of the GAME aren’t changing, but the verisimilitude of the story itself is—they’re playing Calvin Ball with our suspension of disbelief, and it’s not working for me.

It’s like the Steven Universe Future thing of suddenly going against the previously-established rules of cartoon logic; suddenly we’re NOT supposed to laugh at cartoon slapstick and instead supposed to now see it as REAL INJURY that just…healed. But that breaks the audience contract!!

In Dungeons and Daddies, we’re supposed to believe that a lot of these jokes in season 1 don’t really matter. So when they DO in season 2, that’s not what had been implicitly agreed upon by the audience and the creators/writers about the story. 

So with this in mind, that we are now supposed to believe that these characters’ actions have real consequences. Willy Stampler is an abuser. If we’re trying to do a redemption arc, we need to fucking SEE that.

For this season to represent growing up and realizing that adults are fucked up and make fucked up choices and can grow and change and get better or get worse or maybe weren’t ever as great as you thought it was. Those are cool ideas! But for us to take them seriously, they’ve got to be handled with care; we can’t just be told these adults made fucked up choices and when it was posited as a joke, only for it to actually be SERIOUS (i.e., if for example, henry and darryl kissed in season 1 and it was played as a joke that may or may not have actually happened, it’s never addressed again, so it’s really not heavily staked in canon—then you cannot in season 2 say that actually, darryl and henry had a lot of tension after they got back to earth and it was awkward for the rest of their lives, but we didn’t see it it just happened off-screen, trust me. BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW IT WAS TREATED IN SEASON 1!!! YOU CAN’T REWRITE WHAT’S ALREADY HAPPENED—IT DESTROYS OUR BELIEF IN ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THE STORY. SHOULD I TAKE THINGS AS JOKES, OR LITERALLY? If I took all the stupid shit in this podcast as real and genuine and serious, then this would not be a story i wanted to watch, because literally every character is an asshole. But that’s not how the story is sold to us!

It’s kind of like how ultimately, all the dads in S1 were kinda shitty, because they were played by actors playing Dungeons and Dragons as a comedy podcast. If the podcast had treated that stuff seriously, it would’ve been an ENTIRELY different tone, and no longer comedic. But now suddenly we’re supposed to take all that shittiness as if it WERE serious fact! But that wasn’t the implicit contract we’d agreed upon by engaging in this “comedy podcast” story!!!!!!!

I think it’s cool how the new dads/S1 sons are essentially acting just like the dads in S1 did, only we’re seeing from the kids’ perspective how it actually affected them. 

But at the same time…idk. It’s like you’re mixing metaphors. It doesn’t resonate with me, because i can’t be invested in any of it. Are the jokes real? I can’t get a feel for what kind of emotional weight i should be granting any and all of what the characters say and do.

The best thing about S1 is that it didn’t have to be believable; but in S2, they’re trying to make us believe in this stuff that’s not believable. So you’re losing my trust and interest in this narrative, y’know?

AND FURTHERMORE!!!!! I hate that Willy’s character has now been reduced to “narcissist = bad (which on its own is…not a great narrative to deliver about ppl with personality disorders), but he was in prison for a long time and realized he was mean so now he’s a nice guy! forgiveness <3.”

As if he didn’t abuse his son. ajskfmxghgjk. idk what kinda shit anthony’s trying to tell with this. it doesn’t have to have a moral or soapbox moment or whatever, but it almost erases the POWER of Ron’s arc in Season 1. by getting forgiveness from the narrative, without getting forgiveness from his actual victim.

This feels like a Rian Johnson movie just trying to be quirky and “subvert expectations ooooooooOOOoOoOoo” without that subversion actually feeling REWARDING or EARNED or JUSTIFIED.

In my personal opinion, I think it’s just not as strong a choice to try and get into character work this early in the story, as compared to the pacing of Season 1. Sure, we did get some good Ron growth for an episode at like… episode 14? But the dads didn’t get actual ARCS until after the halfway mark!!!!!!!! Sometimes they really didn’t even resolve themselves until episode 66—three episodes before the final episode.

and it feels like a lot of these story beats are trying to do the work of character arcs without setting up a sturdy enough character foundation to begin with.

i saw a lot of fans online praising the choice to have such important plot stuff happen so early, and while i agree the previous monster-of-the-week formula was getting a little dull, i also don’t think the characters have really felt fleshed out enough yet to get thrown into this sort of thing. like, i personally dont really care about scary’s complicated feelings because i havent had 30 episodes to get to know her yet (and more importantly—neither has BETH. the actors themselves are still figuring out their characters!) the characters’ emotional beats it feel much more rushed and much more forced, imo. which makes the foundations of this story feel unsteady, bc i dont have any handholds to come back to and connect with. i havent been able to connect with the characters OR the story yet, so having all this thrown at me as if it’s really meaningful just falls flat.

Overall, timeskips need to be handled with care. If we jump forward in time and suddenly everything’s different—just for the sake of uncomfortability and subverting expectations—you’ve really got to justify those character changes within the narrative. And so far, nothing’s feeling particularly justified. At least—you have to do this if you want your story to be meaningful and/or SAY something about TRUTHS in OUR WORLD outside of this fictional narrative.

I can tolerate all this nonsense if it’s not actually trying to reflect anything in real life, but if I’m supposed to take this story seriously as a funhouse mirror representation of real world themes, then you’ve got justify your narrative choices. Otherwise, you’re just confusing your actual motive.

Basically, to try and be comedic AND have real world dramatic tensions and significance and themes to connect with an audience, the drama and comedy cannot come from the same place.

Here’s an example: In Jojo Rabbit, the comedy comes from pointing out and emphasizing the ridiculousness of the Nazis’ ideology. The film does not derive its comedy from the most dramatic, real-world-reflective moments: the human connection between Elsa and Jojo, or Jojo and his mom; the danger Elsa found herself in under Nazi oppression; parental death; etc.

And vice versa, the comedic moments are not the emotional crux of the story. Even Jojo’s violent accident is played more lightheartedly; if they were to make THIS event (the grenade exploding and almost killing Jojo—a ten year old child) the driving tension of the film, then for us to feel actually INVESTED, it could not have been played as comedic as it was (i.e., the scene where they’re rushing him into the hospital on the gurney and his bloody thumb’s up pops into frame).

 Dungeons and Daddies Season 2, on the other hand, takes these emotional beats that have already been established for COMEDY, and tries to turn THAT into the dramatic, emotional crux of the show. And i as a viewer am just not as likely to be invested in that conflict or dramatic tension or to find the messaging about real life to be saying anything particularly resonant or meaningful.

TLDR: Dungeons and Daddies Season Two suffers from GENRE CONFUSION!!!!!!!

If ultimately Anthony and the rest of the gang are trying to say, “This is what life is like sometimes!” (which is, imo, what EVERY dramatic story is trying to say), then they’re not actually doing that, because they’re manufacturing these situations to fit what they want to say, rather than presenting the narrative first AND THEN ALLOWING THE MEANING TO DEVELOP NATURALLY FROM THE RESULTING EMOTIONS!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!

So basically, it’s still easy for me to enjoy the show—but the narrative does not provide me with enough material for ANY EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT, and that is really disappointing :(

[alittleemo]

finished my final paper wooo

[i-cant-sing]

Time Traveller Au pt 5

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. AU masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Part 6 is here!

This is kinda long so bring your snacks along.

Baldwin and a woman- kissing.

You were in your room right now, fiddling with your time machine now that you had one tool to pry it open. Just 20 minutes ago, you had witnessed Baldwin and some girl kissing, and very swiftly you, turned and left the scene before either of them could notice you. You dont need to meddle in their business- why should you?

Its not like I actually want to stay here and confront him if he really did betray his future wife.

Someone knocked quickly on your door before entering in.

"Y/n!" Baldwin beamed as he ran towards you and picked you up, spinning you around. "Princess! I missed you!" He exclaimed, putting you down and kissing your forehead. Though he still kissed you with the same intensity as ever, you didnt feel the warmth as you usually did.

"Hello." You said monotonously, it was the best you could do to keep your voice stable. Baldwin, still in a daze, cupped your face in his hands and gazed lovingly at you.

"You are a sight for sore eyes." Shut up.

You looked away as Baldwin continued to stare into your soul. "So... how was your trip? Tell me all about it!" He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you further to him.

"It was fine." You replied, looking at the collar of his shirt. You refuse to look up into his eyes, lest you lose control of your temper. "Just fine? What about your family? Did you find them?" His voice held genuine concern.

You hummed, still not looking up. "I have found some clues, but I will need to go there again to find more."

Baldwin pouted. "Again? No. Being away from you for just 1 week already felt like a lifetime!" Oh I bet. Thats why you couldnt stop yourself from kissing some whor-

"I need to go, Baldwin. Its important for me to find them." You said with the same serious tone, and it didnt go unnoticed by him this time.

He tilted your chin up to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" You tried to pull away, but his arms held you firmly. His eyes studied you again, and he wasn't convinced.

"Princess, tell me whats bothering you." You. You are bothering me.

As much as you wanted to say that, you didnt. Cheater or not, he still is the king.

Finally, you gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry, I'm just- tired from the travelling." He sighed in relief, using the back of his hand to caress the side of your face. "Oh, I bet you are darling. Why dont you take a nap now and I'll come fetch you for dinner?"

-

Baldwin threw you a feast on your return. Even though you had no appetite, you still joined him because you cant completely ignore him without raising suspicion. So, for now, you'll bide your time. You'll play the fool.

It just didnt make any sense. Why- why was he trying so hard to be affectionate with you? Why he wanted to marry you when he was interested in someone else? And before anyone says that maybe he's not that into her- um, back in this era, when everyone was conservative, even Baldwin was religious, he wouldn't just kiss any girl out of wedlock unless he was absolutely sure he was going to marry her.

"Y/n?" You looked up from your plate at Sibylla. Baldwin had invited his sister and Guy to celebrate your return. "Tell us, how was Egypt?"

You could feel Baldwin's eyes on you, but you didnt look his way. "It was good. Salauddin was a very good host, he had arranged for me to see the pyramids."

"Ah, how kind of Salauddin. I'll be sure to write him a letter and send him some gifts. What do you think, princess?" Baldwin offered, but you only gave a small hum and barely spared a glance his way before continuing to talk with Sibylla.

"My king, I do not think it would be wise to do that. The Muslims are our enemies-" Guy interjected but Baldwin shot him down with a look. Baldwin didnt even have to glare at Guy to intimidate him.

"I have brought some souvenirs for you. They're in my room- I'll show them to you later." You smiled at Sibylla who beamed back.

Dinner was mostly uneventful, or until dessert was served and Guy began choking on blueberry. "Guy!" Sibylla cried out as her husband began thrashing about from the lack of air. The servants tried to help him, slapping his back and all, but really what could they do.

Serves him right for trying to eat and start a propaganda against Muslims again. But alas, you needed Guy alive if you wanted to bring the downfall of Baldwin and Jerusalem, just as history had it.

So you walked over and pushed everyone away before performing Heimlich manoeuvre. It took a few minutes but the blueberry finally dislodged itself from his wind pipe and out.

"Oh! Guy-!" Sibylla rubbed his back as he coughed while a servant passed him some water. She smiled at you gratefully. "You saved him, Y/n! Thank you! You really are an angel!" Guy finally recovering from his coughing fit, pushed Sibylla's hands away and glared at you.

"She did not save me- I was not dying-!" He argued, but before Baldwin could defend you, you replied nonchalantly.

"I agree. You werent dying. This was just God's way of telling you to shut up sometimes. Hallelujah!" Baldwin had to cover up his laugh as everyone in the room automatically said "Hallelujah", not giving Guy a chance to retaliate.

Baldwin's eyes sparkled with amusement as he found you smirking.

You're a clever one.

-

Baldwin came to fetch you for breakfast the next day. He came to your room last night, just minutes after Sibylla had left, but one of your maids informed him that you had already went to sleep. Slightly odd, as the king would always wish you good night before you slept, but he suppose you were tuckered out from your long journey.

However, he was dumbfounded when he saw all your maids standing outside your room, whispering amongst each other.

"What is going on? Why are you not with the princess?" Baldwin asked, quickly waving them off as they bowed.

"Your majesty, the princess- um she has started her bloody flux."

"Her WHAT?!"

"Her monthly cycle." Oh. Periods. Baldwin sighed. He thought some terrible accident had occurred.

Then again, periods in medieval times were not a good news either. Sure, they did indicate fertility and all, but woman were still shamed about it, especially religiously. Some people believed that cramps and bleeding were a punishment for Eve's original sin. Others even believed that since one is bleeding for such a long time, then that person is "sick" and could transfer this "disease" to those in contact or even near mensturating women. A small minority even thought that this monthly flow was some sort of sorcery or curse that could ruin entire crop fields. Add on to that the lack of sanitary pads/tampons and no ibuprofen, and you get what would be a terrible time for women.

"Please inform the princess that I'm here-"

The maids shared a look. "Your majesty, it is not advisable to be near the princess when she is sick-"

"Inform the princess. Now." The maid's heart almost dropped at his tone, before following his order. Moments later, she returned looking even more nervous than before.

"Y-your majesty, the princess insists that she will see you herself when she is feeling better, for now she would like to rest." Baldwin frowned. Just how unwell were you? Are you- are you really that unwell or do you just not want to see him?

No. You wouldnt avoid him like this. He hasnt done anything wrong.

Baldwin looked at the maids again, who were waiting with bated breath. "Bring herbal medicines for the princess. Ensure the best care for her. Every need must be met." The consequences of not following his order didnt need to be voiced.

-

You returned back to tinkering with your time machine when you heard his retreating steps. Were you on your period? Yes. Were you so sick that you did not want to even look at Baldwin? No, but then again, your cramps hit worse on day 2 and your ibuprofen was burned away with your clothes.

Then again, PMS-ing or "working on your time machine" wasnt the real reason you refused to meet Baldwin. It did contribute to it, but deep down you knew you were still bothered by the fact that he kissed that woman.

You dropped your time machine on the bed exasperatedly. Clearly, you werent going to be able to focus on this as long as you didnt confront your feelings about the kissing. So, you became your own unpaid therapist.

First of all, was it really cheating? It was just a kiss- nope. You shook your head, deciding. It so was cheating! Especially considering the time period and how conservative everyone was.

Alright. Next question- was it intentional? You closed your eyes, trying to come up with excuses. Maybe he was drunk? No. Baldwin never gets that drunk, and even drunk, you highly doubt he's one to go for day time drinking. Perhaps that lady initiated the kiss? Yeah, thats possible. She kissed him, but- your lips pulled into a scowl as you recalled the sight. He didnt push her back for a good few seconds. Of course, you didnt stick around for long to see if he did, but still, Baldwin should've pushed her back. Maybe he had his back turned and she caught him by surprise- you sighed. No way. Baldwin's reflexes were too fast, to the point you think he probably has a sixth sense. He wouldn't have been caught off guard, or even let anyone get this close to him.

You rolled your eyes. Intentional or not, at the end of the day, the fact is that Baldwin didnt immediately push her away and smack her down on the ground.

On to the next query- who the hell was that lady? Because nobody would just go up to the king and kiss him, especially when said king made sure to announce his engagement to the entire world. So, she planned it. Yes, no one would dare to do that unless they knew they could get away with it. So maybe she's someone Baldwin knows. Personally. Maybe a childhood friend? An old bethrothed? Or his favourite whore because Baldwin isnt as innocent as he seems and decided to have a bachelor party while you were away?

And finally, the burning question- why did it bother me who he was locking lips with? You crossed your arms against your chest defensively. Why did it bother me so deeply? Was I jealou- You scoffed. No. Definitely not. Okay, maybe I am a little jealous. And who wouldn't be? Anyone in my shoes would understand. Perhaps I enjoyed his attention, its human nature. Normal psychology... yeah. Even if I wasn't going to return his affections ever, even if I never intended to marry Baldwin, of course I would still expect him to be loyal, He didn't know I was going to leave him! He shouldn't be kissing other women! He should've stayed loyal, stayed true to me, his fiancee!

You exhaled sharply, brows furrowing the more you thought about his betrayal. It was understandable for me to be pissed. Why? Because of Baldwin and his stupid lovey dovey words and his disgusting forehead kisses and his dumb big blue eyes that made me believe him.

And even if he didnt actually love you, you thought that at the very least- he liked you, especially when you had literally saved his fucking life.

Your nostrils flared. "Jerk." You whispered to yourself.

A knock came on your door.

It was one of the maids, bringing in something on a tray.

"His Majesty has sent some herbal medicines for you." You were a little surprised at the gesture, not because Baldwin did it. Ugh. No, you were surprised because in medieval times, people often withheld herbal medicines or anything that would relieve period pain purely because many believed that this pain was the punishment of Eve's original sin for all womankind. So- considering Jerusalem's religous history, you were surprised at the gesture.

"I have also brought in more cloth rags for you. Would you like me to help you change-" "No!" You said abruptly, heat rising to your cheek. Yes, you were using linen rags because you didnt have any pads with you. Of course, earlier you had futuristic gadgets and medicines to deal with this situation, but with all of them burned to ashes, you had no choice.

"Oh. My apologies princess. I thought you'd like some privacy so I excused protocol, but I can have your ladies in waiting come and assist you-" "Please stop talking." You begged. "Its... fine. I can do it myself. Please leave the rags in my cupboard. And um-" You fiddled with your hands, trying to gather the words to voice your next request.

The sweet old lady smiled kindly at you. "Yes, princess?"

You looked down, cheeks flushing. "Can you... get me some more soap? And um, thicker rags?"

"Soap? Oh, I'll have the bath prepared right away-"

"No, not body soap. Soap for... washing my clothes." The maid nodded understandingly. "You can give me your stained clothes, princess. I'll wash them myself."

"Im sorry-" She waved you off. "No worries. I should've asked. Its just- woman here usually dont have heavy flows. I'll arrange more rags. If you dont mind me asking, how long does your flow last?"

"Sev-" You were going to say seven days but then realised the more days you added, the less you'll have to see Baldwin, or anyone else really and that will buy you more time to work on your machine. "Ten, sometimes twelve days."

The kind lady's eyes bulged a little. "I-! My apologies, princess! I- I was just caught off guard. Its um- well, its just girls here get shorter flows. The longest I heard was 5 days." Of course, in medieval times, menstrual cycles were shorter due to poor diet and more frequent child bearing.

"10 to 12 days... princess, I apologise for asking this, but have you considered that you might be bleeding excessively because of a disease? Shall I fetch a physician?" She asked with concern.

You shook your head. "No. I have always gotten them this long and I had myself checked by a physician. She said its normal, especially where I'm from." The maid nodded, satisfied that you're not bleeding to death.

-

Baldwin was in his study, working on some official documents when your maid knocked on his door.

"Your Majesty." She bowed gracefully as Baldwin smiled at her, standing from his seat to walk up to her, embracing her in a warm hug.

"Lady Margaret, how are you?" Lady Margaret used to be his royal nanny for a long while and took care of him even when he had contracted leprosy. She was practically a mother figure to him, especially when his own mother died. When Baldwin became engaged to you, he had asked her to be your senior lady in waiting, which will be her official title once you are wed to him. For now, she is your head maid. Baldwin trusted her the most with you. She had a comforting presence, and he was sure that while she took care of you, you would also find comfort in her the same way he used to.

"I'm good, your majesty." She smiled softly. "I just served the princess lunch."

"Hm, and how is the princess now?" The concern in his voice warmed her heart.

"The princess is well now. She's resting at the moment, though I feel a little concerned."

His heart skipped a beat. "Why?"

"Princess Y/n told me about her cycle time." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "It seems that she will suffer through this- diseased period longer than most others."

"How long?"

"Ten or twelve days." His eyes went saucer wide. From what he's heard, the normal duration is often 2 or 3 days, maybe 5 for some. But this?

"Summon the physici-" "I offered, your majesty. But she insists that she already had herself checked and that this is her normal cycle." Lady Margaret informed him, before continuing on to ease his worries. "She seems very knowledgeable about her body, and she is handling it pretty well for now."

"For now?" She nodded. "Of course, only time can tell if the pain increases in its intensity. All we can do is offer our help and pray that this bloody flux passes smoothly and swiftly."

Baldwin pondered over her words for a moment, his brows still furrowed slightly before he finally spoke again. "Please summon the royal physician. I would like to talk to him." He ordered before leaving his study to go to the royal library.

-

The next day, as expected your cramps hit. You had no plans to move an inch today, tossing and turning as you clutched your abdomen, eyes screwed shut in pain.

Somebody knocked on your door. Its likely one of the maids, probably to bring you food or something.

"What?" You called out, pulling the covers over your head. You're in no mood to interact with anyone. You heard the door open and footsteps entering. You exhaled, barely suppressing the painful groan. "Please can you go right now and get me some of the herbal medicines you had given me yesterday- and no, no food. I'm too nauseous."

You heard the person clear their throat, making you frown. Why haven't they left? Oh, please this better be not some "royal protocol" shit where they withhold the drugs from you.

You whipped the blanket off you, eyes still closed as you raged off. "Unless you want me to continue to feel like I have a iron poker stuck up in my spine while my soul leaves me from my feet, you will get me those herb-" you stopped as you opened your eyes to see-

"Baldwin?" He stood there with worry spread across his face.

"Is it... really that bad?" He asks in a low volume, as if afraid that noise would hurt you. In his hands, he held a tray that had a bowl. Walking up to your side, he set the tray on your side table, and thats when you saw the bowl of soup on it.

"Why are you- you're not supposed to be in here." You informed him. "I'm sick-"

"I know." Baldwin began sitting down on your bed, making you scoot back to give him space. He scanned your face briefly, making note of the tired eyes. He raised his hand to touch your forhead, but you turned your face away, making him halt. Why... were you avoiding his touch?

"Princess?" He called you, but you didnt turn to look at him opting to answer by keeping your eyes fixed on your fingers fiddling with the covers. "I'm not well- you shouldnt be near me, or you'll risk getting sick-"

"I'll take the risk." He announced as his hand found its way to your forehead first, and then caressed your cheek. "You took the risk for me too, remember?"

I did. You stared at him. And for what, you prick?

Taking your silence as a sign, Baldwin picked up the bowl of soup and brought the spoon up to your lips.

"I'm not hungry."

"I know, but this will help with the pain and nausea. I promise." He gently nudged the spoon against your lips again, and you parted your lips as the aroma of rosemary and oregano hit your nose.

The soup tasted good and you wouldn't admit it out loud, but it did warm your soul as it slid down your throat. It was earthy and creamy, and just what your cramping body needed.

"Its nice, hm?" He asked, smiling as you gave him a single nod. "I had the kitchen make it with my own recipe."

"Your recipe?"

"Well, I told them about what ingredients to add, ones that would be beneficial for your body and soothe some of your ache. They had to tweak it a bit to make it palatable." Baldwin explained. "And how did you know what ingredients to add?" You interrogated. Did he make it for his lover? Or stole the recipe from her?

"Oh, I just researched it." "Researched?" He nodded, feeding you another spoon. "I read some books."

You couldn't help but scoff. "So what? You're an expert on periods now?"

He chuckled, shaking his head as he scooped up some more soup to feed you. "Of course not! I cant be an expert by spending after only researching for a day. Sure, I summoned the royal physicians to educate me more on the topic but I dont think he knows much."

He spent a whole day... reading about periods? You turned your gaze away from him, choosing to focus on the wall behind him instead. "That's obvious. Just how much could a man know about the female body?"

Baldwin's eyes twinkled. "Exactly my thoughts, princess." He fed you another spoon. "That's why I'm having a royal body of physicians solely focused on studying the female body and affect of medicine built. It will consist of the best physicians, both men and women, from around the world study and work on the diseases concerning the female body. I'll fund it personally."

"What? Why?"

He looked at you dumbfounded. "Obviously for the same reason you said. Currently not much is known about a woman's body, so why not? I don't want you to be suffering again because of my lack of knowledge. I truly do feel helpless when I see you in pain." He confessed sadly.

Liar.

He set the empty bowl to the side before taking your right hand in both of his. "Please, let me know how can I help you? My love, my beautiful princess, it hurts me to see you in this torment." Baldwin said as he kissed the back of your hand gently.

You stared at his face, at those blue eyes of his. How can he- how can he lie with such conviction?

You pulled your hand away from him, looking away (which now that you think about- why am I avoiding his eyes? I didnt do anything wrong!).

"I wish to be alone, Baldwin."

In your peripheral vision, you could see the way his face dropped, and though you should've felt delighted, you felt rather awful- as if you had hurt a child.

It only made things worse when he whispered. "But... why?"

Still avoiding his eyes, you replied. "I- I adjust better to this- this state when I'm alone. I just need to rest, that's all. Some peace and quiet." You convinced yourself that you only explained to him just to get him to leave.

Had you looked at him, you would've seen the sorrow on his face.

"O-of course, princess. As you wish."

He left.

-

The next 3 days were uneventful for you, mostly because you didnt leave your room and- Baldwin didnt return to disturb you.

Which is good. You though to yourself, because it finally gave you enough time to not only work on your time machine but also work on your plan to right the timeline as it should be.

Which is why, today you had decided to leave your room. Of course it helped that Lady Margaret had brought in cotton for you to make a DIY sanitary napkin.

"Where did you get this?" You don't recall cotton being grown easily in cooler climates.

Lady Margaret smiled as she made your bed. "His Majesty had it imported from Sicily."

Your eyes went wide. "How? Sicily is- thats far away!" She chuckled at you shock. "Yes, but I think this sicilian cotton had made its way to Egypt, and perhaps His Majesty acquired it from Sultan Salauddin."

You looked at the large amount of cotton packed into bags in your room. "He bought this much?" Lady Margaret followed your gaze to the pile sitting in the corner, and mistook your surprise for disappointment.

"No, dont worry princess. King Baldwin had bought bales of cotton! They're stored away for future use." Your jaw dropped.

Bales? Baldwin ordered BALES OF COTTON?! You gasped internally. If he had THAT much cotton imported from Egypt, Salauddin surely would've asked for the reason because he would suspect that Baldwin is planning to use it for military strategy or attack. But you know Baldwin, his dumbass would've spilled to Salauddin, his off field bestie who he confides in about everything, about your periods.

You want to crawl into a hole in ground and die. Right now.

But... you fucked up history, so dying of embarrassment will have to wait.

"Lady Margaret, I need some fresh air so I'll be either taking a walk in the garden or you'll find me in the royal library ." You said, adjusting your clothes in front of the mirror. "Please make sure that neither my maids nor my knights are to follow me. I- I need some time to breathe or I will lose my mind if I feel anyone breathe down my neck about some royal protocol. I'll be back before lunch." You left before she could protest, though you doubt she will when she saw how agitated you were.

You had walked towards the west hall where you were hoping to find that big headed buffoon-

You heard his obnoxious laughter before you saw him.

Guy was standing in the middle of the hall, looking ugly as hell as he smirked at some poor maid struggling to break free from his grasp.

"Oh come on, you wench, give me a kiss-"

"Guy, let her go." Startling him, the maid took the chance and ran off. Guy turned around, glaring when he saw you. "What do you want?" He grumbled, running a hand through his hair frustratedly, looking back to see if the maid was still there or not.

"Quit it." You scolded him, before walking towards an empty room, nodding at him to get in. He grinned as you strode in. "Ah, so you're jealous? Well dont you worry darling, I can give you a kiss to-"

"I would rather burn myself alive and be crucifed than even be rumoured that you dared to touch me with your disgusting paws." You remarked, walking away from him to create distance between you two. "I have a proposal for you that would interest you."

Guy grumbling, sat down on a chair and looked at you expectantly.

"I have a plan to make you king." His eyes went wide.

"I- I- what?!" He stood up. "I dont want- this is treason!" He yelled, pulling out his sword and aiming at you. You stood steadfast, unaffected. "And this isnt? If you kill me, who do you think will end up in the dungeons?" You sighed. "Put it away, Guy, before you embarrass yourself any further."

You began explaining your plan. "You and I both know you were just waiting for Baldwin to roll over and die when he had leprosy. I know you want to be king, and... I can help you with that."

He stared at you, trying to figure out if this is a trap. "I... I deserve to be king. I was promised the throne. Thats why I married Sibylla!" He complained. Honestly, what the fuck does Sibylla see in this piece of cow dung?

Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you continued. "I agree, thats why we should make an alliance-"

He scoffed. "An alliance? With you?" He said with such disgust, you didnt know whether it was because it was you were a woman, or because you were- well, you. "Why would I need you?"

"Because Guy... you're too dumb to pull this off on your own. No offense." He was offended, so you continued before he could start talking shit again. "Guy, if you become a little open minded for just a few minutes and hear me out, you'll find my proposal very useful." And by some miracle, he stayed quiet and let you present your plan.

When you were finally done explaining, he looked pretty convinced. But of course, he would rather stab himself than admit that outloud.

"Your plan... can work, but it'll take an awful lot of time." He said.

You leaned against the wall, and crossed your arms. "Good things comes to those who wait."

"I still think we should do it my way." You rolled your eyes at his insistence. "Guy, do you know how stupid it sounds when you suggest that we lock Baldwin in a room full of lepers? He cant get leprosy again."

"Well, why not?!"

"Because I cured him." He scowled at your answer. "What about measles? Or yellow fever-"

"Baldwin cant get sick. Ever." Well, technically he could get sick but its highly unlikely because the medicinal vial he drank when you gave him your water had all the vaccines in it, so Baldwin's immunity is pretty invincible right now. You sighed, rubbing your temples. "Look, if we follow my plan, then Baldwin will die a hero, no one will suspect you of anything, and you still get to be king!"

He seemed to contemplate for a moment before narrowing his eyes at you. "And what do you get out of it?"

"Freedom." Guy scoffed. "You want freedom over being Queen of Jerusalem, the Holy Land? Do you think I'm stupid?!"

"Those are two different questions. But yes, to both." You smirked as he got mad. "Okay fine. I'm doing this for... revenge."

"Revenge?" You nodded. "I love someone else, and Baldwin doesnt love me either. He only wants me because of my "healing abilities." You lied, but this is the only way to convince Guy. "So what do you say? Are we in an understanding?" You asked him.

Guy smirked, nodding.

-

You were on your way towards your chambers when you saw her again.

Her. The woman who kissed Baldwin.

The raven haired lady was leaving her room and hadnt noticed you standing at the end of the corridor. She pulled her hood up, looking around hastily before leaving towards the East wing of the castle.

Where Baldwin resided.

You had no reason to, but before you could stop yourself, you were entering her room.

Might as well check the place where Baldwin's been hiding his lover all this time.

It was an average sized room, nowhere near as lavish as your or Baldwin's was, but still better than what some of his royal guests would get. You walked towards her bed, sitting down as a sharp cramp hit you.

You groaned, holding your stomach as you buckled over and thats when you caught sight of a small box under the bed. You pulled it out and took of the lid. It contained letters. Many letters from different people, but mostly from Baldwin.

You looked at the dates- they've been in contact for years.

Your finger traced over her name.

"Charlotte." Huh. Sounds a lot like harlot-

You shook your head. You cant stay here for too long, dont want "Charlotte" walking in on you snooping. Since these letters were arranged according to dates, you picked a couple on the bottom, to read later and see what Baldwin has been upto after announcing his engagement.

Pocketing them in your dress, you turned to leave, opening the door only to come face-to-face with her.

She was startled, before looking confused as to who you were.

Of course, she doesnt know you. While you were trying to come up with an excuse, Charlotte's eyes fell on the huge diamond ring on your finger, and she let out a small gasp of realisation and immediately dropped into a graceful courtesy.

"Your Majesty! I'm sorry I didn't recognise you before!" Alright, maybe the ball can be in your court.

You flicked your wrist to signal her to rise. "That's quite alright..."

"Charlotte." She replied. You hummed. "Right. I apologise, I didnt know this was your room. I was just trying to find the library."

"Oh thats on the other side of the castle, in the North wing!" She said cheerfully, your eyes falling on that dimpled smile of hers.

"Hm, you seem to know a lot about the castle." You remarked, a little bitterly.

But perhaps Charlotte didnt catch on. "Oh yes! I spent a lot of time here as a child. My father used to work for the late king." She explained. You continued to study her face, that fair complexion, blemish free skin, rosy cheeks, and hazel eyes adorned with luscious lashes.

"Ah, so you must be close with King Baldwin." You finally said, and you didnt fail to catch the momentary shock in her eyes before she composed herself.

Busted.

"I- hahaha, um, no. We used to play sometimes when we were young, but then the late king passed away, and King Baldwin had to take up new duties." She chuckled nervously.

You sighed dramatically. "Pity. You seem like a lovely gal." Charlotte's eyes widened slightly. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown, I guess." You mumbled as you moved past her.

"Y-your Majesty!" She called out from behind you. You looked at her nervous face as she bit her lip, trying to come up with the words.

"Yes?"

"I- I need your help." She gulped. "King Baldwin-"

"Y/N!" You whipped your head around to find Baldwin at the other end of the hall, marching over towards you two. His pace was fast and... somewhat angry.

He came to a halt, taking your face in his hands before kissing your forehead hard. "I've been looking for you everywhere, princess!" He hugged you, pulling your head into his chest. "You had me so worried!"

While your head was shoved against his chest, you managed to catch a glimpse of Charlotte looking at Baldwin with desperation, and tears welling up in her eyes. After a little struggle, you finally managed to push yourself away from Baldwin, but he immediately took ahold of your arms, not letting you get away from him. Or-

pulling you away from Charlotte.

The lady continued to look at Baldwin with those barely suppressed anguish, but he refused to spare her a glance. Instead, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and began pushing you in the opposite direction.

"Come on, princess. You need to be in bed resting." He said to you, still not acknowledging her.

"Your Majesty, I need to talk-" Charlotte called out.

"We'll talk later, Lady Charlotte."Baldwin continued to pull you along with him. "Your Majesty-"

"I said- later." He finally looked over his shoulder, and you were astonished to see the mean glare he cast her.

Charlotte finally bowed her head in submission.

As you both reached your room, Baldwin seemed to finally return to his usual self. "Oh princess, I just felt like my heart dropped when I was informed you werent in your room! You know the physicians have been emphasising bed rest-"

"What just happened back there, Baldwin?" You cut off his rambling.

"What was what, dear?"

"Baldwin." Your tone turned dead serious. "Why did you pull me away from her? What was Charlotte going to tell me?"

He looked into your eyes, and you could see the gears turning in his head. "Do not lie to me, Baldwin." You warned.

His gaze turned sharp. "I just didnt want you to listen to anything she had to say." He sat on your bed, leaning forward as he clasped his hands. "She's... not in the right state of mind."

Ah. So she's "crazy".

"Why is she not in the right mind? And why is she here then?" You demanded answers.

Baldwin sighed, rubbing his temples. "You should not be burdened with that. I am... handling it." He got up, taking your hands in his. "Just trust me, princess. I am doing this to protect you."

Fuck. That.

You wanted to backhand him so bad, but you also did not want your head chopped off. Seriously though... the nerve men have. To not only frame Charlotte as being "off her meds" but also basically admit to cheating because he's doing this to "protect you", what kind of bullshit is that?

But alas, your time machine was still not fixed and if the most

"pious" man could be cheating on you with a smile plastered on his face, you didnt think any other man of this era would fair any better.

So you played the fool.

"Of course I trust you, Baldwin." You let him kiss your hairline sweetly, though you felt anything but.

-

It didn't surprise you the next day when you tried to look for Lady Charlotte, only to be told that she left the day before, in the dead of the night.

Baldwin couldnt be looking anymore guilty than he is at the moments. Seriously, kicking out your lover the day your fiancee finds out about her existence?

You scoffed. He can do whatever the hell he wants, you're going to be leaving for Egypt soon anyways.

Returning to your room, you decided to read the letters that you had stole from Charlotte's room yesterday.

The 4 letters you had managed to take, all were from Baldwin detailing that he would "help her" and "cares for her still", etc. However, the last letter, the latest one, dated to almost 10 days ago, the same time you were away in Egypt, told Charlotte that he had been cured of leprosy, and would be soon able to get her the "cure" too. But this letter, it was signed off as "King Baldwin IV" and not "Baldwin" as in other letters.

All the previous letters, all of them were months old, or at the very least, they were all written before he announced his engagement. Which meant that for more than a month now, Baldwin hadnt written to her, kind of surprising, since he wrote to her- according to the dates, at least every two weeks. So why hadnt he wrote to her after deciding to marry you? He never mentioned you to her before-

You looked up in realisation. Did... did Baldwin plan to use you as a universal "cure"? You exhaled sharply in disbelief. No, no way. Baldwin doesnt actually believe in all that religious mumbo jumbo about you being an "angel sent by God who has magic healing powers". But-

Your heart sank. Of course, he does. Thats why he's making that "royal body of physicians", the best from around the world, to study you. He never wanted to study the female body to help your period cramps! He's gonna use you as a fucking lab rat to make himself and his people invincible! He wants you to cure them all!

What happens- what happens when he realises that I cant cure anyone? What's he going to do to me?

Your throat ran dry at the silent answer. You've read about medieval torture. They're brutal.

You heard footsteps coming towards your room, so you quickly his your letters and tried to look normal again.

"Princess?" Baldwin knocked before entering, not waiting for your permission. He beamed as he looked at you, walking upto you to kiss your cheek, but frowned immediately. "Princess, you're sweating. Are you okay?"

You wiped the cold sweat quickly. Nodding at him, you changed the subject. "Where are you going?" You asked, looking at his clothes.

"Oh! I'm going hunting! Its been a while, and I read somewhere that bone marrow is very nutritious for the body, so I'm going to hunt some animals for you." He explained ecstatically before grinning at you as he leaned down to your level. "But since its been so long since I last went hunting, I decided I needed some good luck. So... princess, will you bless me with some luck?"

"W-what?" You stammered out at the proximity. He turned his cheek, glancing at you expectantly. Oh, he cant be serious.

"Do you want your king, your soon-to-be husband to die?" He teased, but at the same time, you knew he wouldnt leave until you did what he wanted.

Swallowing thickly, you leaned in slowly and gave him a quick peck on his cheek, right where his dimple appeared when you did. Immediately, he turned face back to you and grabbed your head to steady and planted a wet kiss on your forehead.

"My luckiest charm!" He chuckled, pinching your nose as your flushed. "I'll be back before dinner!" He said on his way out.

-

3 hours later, you had finally decided to leave. You cant wait until another week and who knows if Baldwin will even let you leave then? What if he figures out that there is no family in Egypt for you and decides to lock you away in the dungeons to be experimented on?

Ironic how you as a scientist will now be a guinea pig for medieval era "scientists".

You had sneaked out of your room without anyone noticing, a feat in itself since the place is crawling with knights and servants.

But of course, Baldwin would've made sure there was at least one person tailing your every move.

"Princess Y/n?" The knight commander of your security detail called out. What were the odds of him leaving his post at the front of the castle, to walk in on you mounting a horse in the stables at the back of this castle? "Where are you going? His Majesty told me that you would be resting in your room today."

You blinked at him, trying to come up with an excuse. "I- I-"

He looked at you with even more concern, however that would start turning into suspicion soon if you don't answer him soon.

"Chapel!" You blurted out. "I- I am going to the royal chapel... to uh- isolate myself."

"Isolate?"

"Y-yes, because of my- um flow. I do not want to risk his majesty or- anyone getting sick because of me." The knight commander seemed satisfied with your explanation. He nodded, signalling a couple of other knights his way. "Very well, princess. Let these knights accompany you to the chapel, and they will keep guard while you isolate yourself inside."

You know he wouldnt let you go without knights, so you dont argue. Besides, the royal chapel is huge. You're sure you can sneak out of there unnoticed by these knights.

-

At the chapel, you waited until it was dark and the last of the church staff had taken their leave. You had found a small window to squeeze through, but just then, one of the knights knocked on the door of your chapel.

You didnt answer at first, hoping that they'd think you were asleep and dont disturb you again. However, they knocked again, this time with more persistence.

Grumbling, you returned to your bed and messed up your hair, pretending like you just woke up.

"Yes?"

The knight barged in, looking spooked. "A-apologies for waking you up, princess but-! But his majesty-!" You got up from your bed, brows furrowing.

"His Majesty has been injured during the hunt!" He stammered out.

Your eyes widened. Baldwin got injured? The knight began ushering you out of the chapel. "We must return to palace now! Its not safe!"

"What? Why?" You stopped him from helping you mount your horse. He looked at the other knights who were all on high alert as they kept looking around.

"The king was shot by an arrow!"

-

You were now back at the castle, against your will, so running away will have to wait. You were going to go to your room, but the knight commander ushered you towards Baldwin's.

"Why am I going there?" You asked as he escorted you.

"The king is injured." He replied. "So? Fetch the physicians."

"I did." He stopped to look at you. "But His Majesty has refused them from helping. He asked for you specially."

Oh no. Is he- is he going to make you "heal" him again? But you dont have any of your medicinal potions anymore. So when he realises you cant heal him-

You stood in front of his door.

Will he kill me?

You entered the room, spotting him lying on the bed bare chested, with an arrow stuck in his left shoulder blade.

Baldwin's eyes were closed, but his brows were furrowed in pain, sweat glistening from his entire body.

As you walked near, you spotted the bandages and ointments left by the physicians.

"B-Baldwin?" Your voice was so small, heart thumping against your chest as his eyes fluttered open weakly.

"P-princess?" He sounded so frail. Somehow, despite the state he was in, he managed to smile. "You came?"

You nodded. "You asked for me."

"I did. Only you can heal me from this. Only you can save me from death."

Save him?

You had him sit up to inspect the wound. "I-" Your eyes narrowed at the wound, and then at his face.

"Baldwin." He hummed weakly in response. Gritting your teeth, you ripped out the arrow from his shoulder, making him gasp in pain. "What did you do that for?!"

You waved the arrow in his face. "This hadnt penetrated through your shoulder! It wasnt even in that deep!" You threw the arrow to your side. "You werent dying! You're not even close to dying!"

He pouted, rubbing his shoulder where a small hole was. "So? It still hurt. Just bandage me-"

"Why didnt you have the physicians do it for you?!"

"Why would I when I have you? Come on, nurse me back to health, princess." He sighed when you glared at him. "Okay fine. I only called for you because well- you've been very distant with me."

Your nostril flared. "And whose fault is that?" You gritted out before turning to leave.

"Wait, princess-" He called out from behind. You werent going to listen to another word- another lie! Twisting the handle, you opened the door, only for it to be slammed shut by hand coming over you.

"Princess~" Baldwin turned you around, pushing you against the door as he locked it. "You arent going anywhere until we clear this out."

You pushed him away. "I dont want to clear it out." Baldwin's brows rose at your harsh tone. You turned around to leave again but Baldwin grabbed your wrist, tugging you to his chest.

"Y/n." His eyes pierced through you. "Why are you acting like this?"

You didnt answer. "Let me go, Baldwin." "No. Answer me-" "Let me go, Baldwin." "Princess, youre being unfair to me. What did I do to deserve such harshness from the one person I love the most-"

"You kissed Charlotte."

The color drained from his face, and the shock of being caught made him release your wrist. "Did Charlotte tell you this?"

Before either of you could react, you slapped him. Baldwin stared at you in shock, holding his cheek. You just slapped a king- the king of the HOLY LAND, but you honestly couldnt bring yourself to care about the conseuquences of your actions.

You backed away from him as tears pooled into your eyes. "You arent even denying it. You kissed her."

"Charlotte kissed me-"

"But you didnt push her back!" You screamed, tears finally flowing free. "I saw it- I fucking saw it, Baldwin!"

"Y/n listen to me-"

"If you loved Charlotte, if you planned on getting back with her, why did you propose to me?! I never wanted to marry you, Baldwin, so why did you lead me on?!"

"Thats not true! Just listen-"

"As if fooling around my back wasnt enough, you let her stay inside the castle even after I had returned! I mean I get you didnt think you would ever get to do it due to leprosy, but how desperate did you have to be to bed her while I was still in the castle?!"

"ENOUGH!" He roared, face red from rage. "You will calm down right now, or I will make you calm down!"

You looked at him betrayed and hurt, as Baldwin closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his his nose, taking deep breaths to collect himself.

"You've accused me of something. I deserve to explain myself." He stated.

"Charlotte and I were engaged when we were just children. Her father used to work for my father, as a knight. When he was on his deathbed due to getting wounded gravely when he saved my father, he made me promise that I would always take care of Charlotte." He paused before continuing. "When I found out I had leprosy, I broke off our engagement and when she came of age, I found her a suitable noble to marry. Eventually, they had a son. Her husband... he eventually lost all of his land and money in a gamble. So I tried to help Charlotte financially over the years, because I was the one who found her this man. She didnt deserve to be married to such man."

He recalled the events. "One day, Charlotte wrote to me that her husband had fallen sick. Terribly so. He kept on coughing and coughing until he began hacking up blood. My physicians told me that he had pthisis as the Greeks call it, or "consumption."

You remember studying about medival diseases- one of which was "consumption". Or in modern day- "Tuberculosis."

"I tried to help out, but there was no cure. The man died a slow and painful death. Charlotte loved her husband, despite all his faults, so his death did take a toll on her mentally. I continued to support her, but there was only so much I could do as a leper king. Things seemed to be going well until last year, when her son fell sick. The physicians said he was suffering with consumption as well, but it was still in the early stages so they had hope they could treat it. They took his son with them to the infirmary in Byzantine, where the best possible care would be provided for him. I made sure of it." He sighed. "But the odds were not in his favour. I got a letter from the head physician that Charlotte's son would not survive the winter. Charlotte was there with her son, day and night, she'd never leave his side. The physicians told her about her son's life expectancy. As expected, she was devastated, but at least now she could prepare herself and spend the rest of his days together."

"Then I announced our engagement, and I didnt write to Charlotte because I didnt think it would be appropriate to share this news with her at such a pivotal time. However, news must've reached her about my leprosy being cured and before I knew it, she was here. You were still in Egypt when Charlotte came, and she wanted to meet you. At first I thought it was because she wanted to congratulate you, but I found out that it was because she-" Baldwin shook his head, before looking right at you. "She thought you could cure her son."

"What? Why would she-" Of course, everyone thinks youre made of magic because of Baldwin.

"That's not the worst part. Charlotte's son was already dead before she had even reached Jerusalem. The physician informed me of his death, and that he had warned Charlotte of it too, but she still came here instead of being with her son."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "She came here because you asked her to-"

"I didnt! Why would I do that? Especially when you werent even here to help her?" Baldwin took a deep breath before continuing on. "When I informed her of her son's death- She lost it. She lost herself. I just- I promised to take care of her, Y/n."

"So you kissed her? To make her fall in love with you? Was that the plan?"

"I didnt kiss her, she kissed me!" Baldwin gritted out. "Even after her son's death, she wanted to meet you so that you could bring her son back to life. No matter how much I explained that it isnt possible to bring him back, she wouldnt listen. I told her that you're not some sort of witch that cast a spell to cure me-"

"So why did she kiss you?" You cut him off.

Baldwin licked his lips. "Charlotte knew the story of how you cured me. She figured that if she cant get you, then she can have me help her. In her head, she thought that since I drank your water that had your saliva, I had your essence- your healing abilities in me. So, she kissed me."

He could see the realisation dawning on you. Charlotte kissed him to get your "healing power"?

"I didnt push her back- because I was surprised. And then I pitied her. I didnt know how to break it to her again that nothing can bring her son back. That she was all alone now. Because of me. I had her marry that man, who got consumption, and then his son contracted it as well. I am the reason for her losing everything!" His eyes twinkled with tears, but he didnt let one tear slip.

Wait a minute. If Baldwin knew her son was dying and didnt call her here, then-

You closed your eyes. Fucking Guy.

Of course, only he'd be the one to address the letter as "King Baldwin IV". And you already figured out why he called Charlotte.

"We can kill Baldwin by making him sick again" Guy thought that Charlotte would bring her son, or at the very least bring a series of diseases from the Byzantine infirmary to infect Baldwin with.

Fucking idiot.

Baldwin took your hands in his. "Princess, I never cheated on you. I know I should've told you about Charlotte but... I didnt want to burden you. You already are busy trying to find your family and when you returned, you were tired and then you had your flow. I just- I didnt want to pile up more stuff on you." His hand cupped your cheek tenderly. "You know that I love you. You know that my affection for you is real. Thats why it hurt you so much when saw you her kissing me, because deep down, you knew I wouldn't betray you like this."

His blue were firm as he spoke the next words with conviction.

"You are the beginning of my soul. And you are the end of it."

Tears slipped down your face as you felt him kiss your forehead before wrapping you in his arms, continuing to kiss your forehead again and again.

Finally, you wrapped your arms around him, nodding. Accepting.

Sniffling, you pulled away before tugging him to sit on the bed as you began bandaging his shoulder. Fortunately, the wound wasnt too deep, so you didnt need to introduce "sutures" to medieval era.

Baldwin smiled softly as you tied his bandage, taking your hand and pressing a kiss on top of it. "I'm all better now." You smiled sadly.

"What?" He asked you. You sniffled again. "Princess, what is it?" He pulled you to sit on his lap, tapping your chin.

"I slapped you." You reminded him.

He nodded. "I remember."

"I'm sorry." "I know." He smiled assuringly. Honestly, you were so overcome with emotion that you hadnt realised the risk you took. Baldwin could've easily had your head chopped off at the offence.

"You're not mad?" You whispered, peeking at him from your lashes. He hummed thoughtfully. "No, not mad. I am hurt by your lack of trust me in though, but I take half the blame in this as you did see someone kissing me." He grinned at you. "I do know how you can make it up to me though."

You raised a brow.

"How about... you and I..." he tipped your chin to meet his eyes as he leaned close. "... cuddle tonight?"

"You want cuddles?" You asked, lips quirking at his childishness. He nodded excitedly. "Yes. As you know, I am gravely injured, I need all the love and attention from my beloved angel~" You squealed as he pulled you down with him on the mattress, bursting into giggles as he kissed your cheeks again and again.

After 10 minutes or so of you playing with his hair as he dreamily sighed, you suddenly had a question.

"Baldwin?" He hummed. "How did you get an arrow in your shoulder? You went hunting animals with knights."

Baldwin, with his eyes still closed, replied. "If I tell you, you'll get mad."

You tugged at his hair, making him open one eye. "Baldwin~" You warned.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you." He rested his head on his palm. "Well, since you were being distant to me and the knight commander told me you had housed yourself in the royal chapel under the excuse of "not wanting to make me sick", I figured I need to find a way to make you be close to me..."

Your face dropped at realisation.

"YOU SHOT YOURSELF WITH AN ARROW?!"

He shook his head in disbelief. "No, dont be silly. How would that be even possible?" You sighed in relief.

"I threatened my expert archer to shoot me with an arrow."

-

Sibylla burst through the door as soon as she had heard of her brother's grave injury, only to witness an odd sight:

Baldwin, with his shoulder bandaged, was doing sit-ups in front of Y/n, who was sitting on his bed, glaring at him with angry tears streaming down her face.

"Princess~ I said I'm sorryyyyy" Sibylla giggled, watching her younger sibling whine to you, but he shut up as another tear slipped down your cheek.

So, thoughts?

None of you guessed that reason for the kiss,did you? I better fucking get all the comments and asks or else I'm wreaking havoc

Part 6 is here!

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 20

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : THESE WARNINGS WILL GIVE SPOILERS!!!! We're going back and forth with POV's too...sorry in advance.... MDNI, angst, tension, anxiety, mentions of car accident/reader in accident, betrayal, drinking, being shitfaced, slight mentions of cheating, andddddd i think thats it

I woke up the next morning with this sense of freedom. The apartment felt different, almost lighter without Alex’s presence weighing it down. I had spent the entire day engrossed in thoughts of how to make this space truly my own, a place where I could start fresh. Each little change I made seemed to breathe new life into the place, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a sense of control and peace.

But as the hours ticked by, a small bout of loneliness began to creep in. I found myself checking my phone obsessively, hoping for some sort of contact from Matt. Despite the joy of having my own space, the lack of communication from Matt was unsettling. I had hoped he’d reach out, maybe offer some words of reassurance or simply check in. The absence of his messages made me second guess everything, stirring up a mix of doubt and anxiety within me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to talk to him. I was now very aware of my own emotions, and I knew they had grown deeper than I initially admitted. I was in love with him. There was no other way to describe it. And I needed him to know. I wanted to be able to call him more than half mine.

Just as I was about to give in to my growing anxiety, my phone pinged. I leaped out of my seat, racing to grab it. The message was from Nick, asking where I was and telling me to get ready and come over. His tone was oddly cryptic, he was never one to be so discreet, and it made me feel like something was up. It made me hope that Matt had something surprising up his sleeve that was about to unfold.

Quickly, I threw on an outfit that made me feel like the baddest bitch on the planet. I styled my hair and made sure my makeup was flawless. One Size setting spray to lock it all in place, I needed it to stay put. I couldn’t shake the feeling that tonight was going to be a turning point, and I wanted to be prepared for whatever it might bring.

Arriving at the triplets house, I parked outside, assuming that Matt’s car was in the garage. My heart skipped a beat, hoping that tonight might be the night I finally get to share my actual feelings with him. As I approached the front door, it swung open, and Nick greeted me with his usual enthusiasm.

“Oooo, look at this baaaad biiiiiitch!!” Nick exclaimed, his eyes widening with appreciation. I couldn’t help but blush at his compliment.

“We’re going to a party by the way. You’re dressed and ready, so there’s no way you can back out now.” Nick said with a smug grin.

“That’s fine, I won’t argue” I replied, trying to sound casual. “I’m a single woman now, so it’s time to let my hair down.”

“WHAAAAAT? Motherfucker, and you didn’t even tell meee?!” Nick’s reaction was a mixture of shock and excitement.

“It only happened last night.. I haven’t had the chance to tell anyone yet.” I said, trying to downplay the situation. “ Who else is coming?” I decided to add, trying to figure out Matt’s whereabouts.

“Madi’s coming with us, she’s going to Uber here and we’ll all go together. Chris and Matt are already there” Nick said, his tone hinting that he knew I was eager to find out where Matt was.

I was surprised that Matt was already at the party, but I was excited to see him. “There’s vodka on the counter” Nick continued. “We’re pregaming hard for this party. It’s in some massive house in the hills, so I need to be shitfaced by the time I get there if I want to talk to anyone.”

I decided to move my car into the garage, now knowing that Matt was playing Uber driver for the night, and he was out in his car. I walked back into the house and joined Nick at the counter, pouring ourselves vodka lemonades and indulging in a couple one too many drinks. As the evening went on, we laughed and chatted about everything under the sun, including boys. I couldn’t help but let my feelings for Matt slip as the alcohol started to take effect. Nick was so far gone that he probably didn’t register half of what I said, but I felt a tiny bit of relief in finally being able to express my feelings, even if only partially.

Madi arrived an hour later, and we all piled into an Uber to head to the party. The anticipation of seeing Matt and the excitement of the night ahead had me buzzing with a mix of nerves and excitement. This was the start of a new chapter for me, and I was ready to embrace whatever came next.

As soon as we arrived at the party, the sheer size of the house struck me. It was a massive three story mansion perched on a winding street in the hills, barely able to see around each corner. The house had a balcony that wrapped around the entire third floor. The view from up there must be breathtaking, but tonight, the party was centered around the lively chaos inside. The music pumped through the house onto the street, “Still Think About You” by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie muffled in the background.

Nick, Madi, and I walked through the front door and made our way through the crowd, our hands linked together. The house was dark, making it easy to get lost in the sea of people. I was so drunk that I felt like I was floating, the alcohol warming me from the inside out. I hadn’t been this shit faced in a long time, and it was both exhilarating and slightly disorienting.

The house was alive with energy. The living room and lower floors were packed with people holding drinks, dancing, and laughing. The dim lighting cast an almost magical glow over everything, making it feel like we had stepped into a different world.

Nick expertly navigated us through the crowd of influencers and Youtubers, his movements confident for sure. Madi and I followed, our steps less steady as the alcohol continued to affect us. We made our way to the bar area, where a wide selection of drinks awaited us. I grabbed another vodka lemonade, eager to keep the buzz alive.

“Let’s find Matt and Chris!” Nick shouted over the music, his voice barely cutting through the noise. I nodded enthusiastically, but I couldn't help feeling that my excitement was being challenged by a strange flutter of nerves.

As we made our way through the crowd, we finally spotted Chris, who greeted us with a wide grin. My heart pounded when I realized Matt was nowhere in sight. The alcohol had given me a false sense of confidence, but now I felt a strong force of anxiety.

“Where’s Matt?” I asked Chris, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Oh, he’s outside in the garden with Emily” Chris said, pointing towards the glass doors leading out onto the garden.

Emily. The name hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like the music in the room had slowed down in speed, feeling a wave of panic rise within, and I hoped it wouldn’t drown me. I had hoped to avoid any confrontation tonight. But Matt and Emily? Together? The last thing I wanted was to face them both, especially with the knowledge that hung over us like a dark cloud.

“Emily?” I repeated, my voice trembling slightly. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah they’re sat over here, cmon, we’ll go over and say hi” Chris said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the doors.

“No no it’s fine Chris, I-I’ll talk to him later” I tried to protest, planting my heels in the hardwood floor, attempting to pull my hand free from Chris’s grip. But Chris wasn’t letting go, and the more I struggled, the more I felt trapped.

In the midst of trying to lose Chris’ grip, I caught Matt’s eye through the glass doors. He sat on a bench with Emily to the left of him, his arm placed around the back of her, her head slightly leaning on his shoulder. Panic surged through me, and I felt a desperate need to escape. I had to get out of there before I did something I’d regret.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” I said urgently, my voice a mix of heartbreak and desperation. “I don’t feel the best.”

“Oh, shoot, are you okay?” Chris called after me, his concern evident.

But I didn’t give him a response. I turned on my heel and made a beeline for anywhere in the house that would get me far away from here, my heart pounding as I hurried toward the stairs. I could hear Chris shouting that the bathroom was on the second floor, to the left, but I barely registered his words. My only focus was to get away, to find a quiet place where I could collect my thoughts and try to make sense of everything.

I stumbled up the stairs, my mind racing with a mix of confusion, anger, and hurt. I needed a moment to clear my head, to process the reality of the situation, and to figure out what to do next.

Matt’s POV

I sat on a bench in the garden, surrounded by some of my friends through YouTube. Emily was next to me, talking to the group around us, but I barely heard her. All I could think about was leaving. I felt completely out of place. Parties were never really my thing, I was only here because Emily wanted me to be. The sight of Chris coming back through the glass doors caught my eye. He was holding someone. My heart stopped when I realised it was Y/n.

But before I could react, she was gone. Disappearing into the house. I had no idea what she was doing here, and my immediate urge was to find her, to set things straight.

Emily’s voice snapped me back to reality. “Matt, are you okay?”

“Yeah” I said, forcing a smile. I stood up abruptly, grabbing her red solo cup. “I’ll get you another drink.” I said while walked away, not waiting for a response. 

As I walked through the doors, I walked over to Chris. “Hey, where did Y/n go?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

Chris looked confused for a moment. “Said she needed to use the bathroom. Why?”

I didn’t answer right away, my mind racing. “Thanks” I said, before heading toward the bathroom.

Y/n’s POV

I stood over the sink, splashing water on my face, trying to sober up a bit. My mind was racing, unable to process what was happening. 

Why is Matt with Emily right now? 

Was he playing me this whole time? 

Was this all for his own personal gain?

The thoughts swirled around in my head, and I couldn’t make sense of any of it.

An intense knock on the door snapped me out of my daze. "Just a minute" I called out, trying to steady my breathing. I walked toward the door, realizing I hadn’t even locked it behind me when I ran in here. But before I could reach it, the door swung open, and Matt rushed in, closing it behind him. I stood there in shock.

"Y/n." Matt said, his voice urgent, but there was something else there. Something that sent a shiver down my spine.

"Why are you here with Emily, Matt?" I asked, confusion and hurt lacing my words.

"Because Emily’s my girlfriend." he replied, his tone blunt.

I stared at him in disbelief.

"Girlfriend?" I blinked, the air rushing out of my lungs as if I’d been punched. "You haven’t ended it yet? Are you - are you okay? What's going on?"

"I’m not ending it, Y/n."

The room started to spin, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or the words that just left his mouth.

"What? Why? Matt after everything she-”

"She hasn’t done anything." he said, his expression cold.

"What? What the fuck? Matt.. I-I ended it with Alex last night, he.. he basically admitted to it all." I said, my heart pounding in my chest.

"She told me the way things actually happened, Y/n. Alex was trying to come on to her this whole time, and she wasn’t feeding into it."

"Matt, that’s not true! You know its not! You know she’s lying to you!" I said, desperation creeping into my voice.

"I believe her, Y/n. And I need to respect her wants for us to not be around each other anymore." His eyes were empty, like he wasn’t even there, like the Matt I knew had vanished.

"No, no, Matt please. You don’t mean that. I know you don’t. You know what she’s like!" tears welled up, blurring my vision as I pleaded with him, trying to reach the person I thought I knew.

"I do mean it." His words were ice, freezing me in place. "Whatever happened between us... it was a mistake. It’s over, Y/n. You should go back to him, and I’ll go back to her."

I wasn’t sure if I was going to vomit right there in the bathroom or pass out. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could he say that after everything he knew about Alex? After everything we went through together? Skating, the kiss, the walks on the beach, fucking hell we’ve even slept together. My heart shattered into a million pieces as I realized I needed to leave. Now.

“I need to leave.” I managed to choke out, my voice breaking with tears burning down the sides of my face. Without waiting for a response, I turned and stumbled toward the door, my heart aching with every step, the weight of Matt’s words and the turmoil inside me making it impossible to think clearly.

Matt’s POV

The look on Y/n's face taking in my words was like a dagger to my heart. The hurt and confusion in her eyes were almost unbearable. I had been too blunt, too harsh. The guilt of what I’d just said weighed heavily on me, and I knew I needed to make things better.

I rushed out of the bathroom, my heart pounding. I needed to find her and apologize, but she was already gone. The party was still in full swing, and the crowds were too dense for me to spot her easily. Panic surged through me as I realized just how alone I was in this moment.

I sprinted up to the third floor, hoping that maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to spot her from a height. Bursting out onto the balcony at the back of the house, I took in the view of the garden. The night was dark, and the lights from the city below flickered in the distance, but there was no sign of Y/n on this side of the house.

I walked along the edge of the balcony to get to the front, my mind racing. I had to find her. I had to make things right. I looked out at the winding roads and tried to calm my racing thoughts. 

Y/n’s POV

I needed to get out of that house and away from everything and everyone. I pushed through the crowds of people, feeling overwhelmed by the noise and the stifling energy of the party. My heart was pounding, my breaths coming in short, sharp bursts as I navigated through the crowd.

Once I finally reached the front door, I pulled out my phone, desperate to order an Uber to get as far away from this place as possible. My hands were shaking, my eyes a blur from the mixture of tears and alcohol in my system, making it difficult to navigate the app. My fingers fumbling across my screen as I selected my location and requested a ride. I instantly got confirmation from a driver for my trip. I left the house and stood outside, trying to steady my breathing as I waited for the car to arrive. The cold air helped clear my head a bit, but the ache in my chest was still raw. I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything had spiraled out of control so quickly.

I paced back and forth on the road, replaying the conversation with Matt in my mind. His words stung, and the reality of his decision hit me harder than I’d expected. I’d been so sure that he and I had something special, but now it seemed like everything was falling apart.

Matt’s POV

As I stood on the balcony, scanning the winding roads below, I saw a figure running out of the house. My heart sank as I realized it was Y/n. She was pacing back and forth on the road, her movements frantic and erratic. It was clear she was struggling to calm herself, and the sight of her broke my heart.

I wanted to go to her, but I was afraid she’d be gone by the time I reached her. I was momentarily distracted by the headlights of approaching cars, the bright lights and the noise of engines roared through the night, adding to the chaos of the moment. I felt a surge of panic as I saw her standing so far into the road, I needed to get her attention.

Y/n’s POV

"Y/N!!!!" I hear my name being shouted in the distance, and I turn to see Matt standing on the third floor balcony.

"Speeding car" he yells, his voice urgent and full of panic.

It wasn't the time, but I couldn't help but let my feelings spill out. "Matt, I don’t know why you’re doing this now. I wanted to tell you I loved you because I thought you did too bu-"

"NO!! Y/n, get off the road!!" Matt interrupts me, his voice tinged with desperation. But it was too late.

Matt’s shouts seem distant, almost swallowed by the roar of the engine behind me and the rush of wind. The world feels like it's closing in on me, the reality of every situation hitting me all at once. In that split second, everything slowed down - the deafening screech of tyres, the blinding lights, the realization that it was too late, that I couldn’t move, couldn’t save myself.

And then, 

Nothing.

a/n: sorry

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf @yourfavsturniologirl @maethem0nth @sillyponygrl @mattyblover07 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @dominicfikeenthusiast @mattsfavbigtitties @ncm9696 @chrisstvrns @schlutt4matty @chrissolos @ilusa @amelia-sturniolo3 @wonnieeluvvr @pussydestroyer100 @amexiass @mystinkylefttoe26 @lizzysmith110 @sturniololovebot @secret-sturniolo @freshythefishy

[mxqdii]

nott into you - m.s

pairings: nott reader x mattheo riddle

summary: reader's brother is theodore nott and develops feelings for his best friend mattheo

warning(s): drinking, brief makeout drugs.

not proofread

FRIDAY:

my hands tangled in his hair, the smell of his cologne and cigarettes filling my senses, everything just feels right.

it's funny how a week can change everything.

okay! i know this looks really wrong, but i can explain.. let's go back to where this all started, monday.

-1 WEEK PRIOR.-

MONDAY:

i sit in potions, bored as ever at snapes lesson, feeling eyes on me.

i look over seeing mattheo riddle staring, which isn't totally weird, considering we've been friend's since first year, just abnormal.

this time it's different though, like some weird tension in the air, i feel as if red smoke is filling my lungs and calling out mattheo's name.

snapping out of it, i clear my throat and focus my attention onto the horribly boring, lesson

the class ends sooner than later and i take my time to collect my stuff, not noticing mattheo waiting for me.

i head to the door and meet eyes with him

"waiting for me, riddle?" i question and his lips curl upwards

"i might be, walk with me will you?" he asks and i nod, following wherever he's going.

"i noticed you staring" i mumble

"yeah and i noticed you drooling" he says and i scoff

"you think too highly of yourself riddle" i professed

"mmh i'm not so sure about that, have you met your brother?" he adds on and i realize

my brother, shit.

this flirty banter shouldn't even be happening right now, considering if theo saw he would absolutely loose his shit.

"yeah thats theo, uh- anyways i gotta go, nice talking to you riddle!-" i say in a rush, walking the other direction.

TUESDAY:

i hear the door open and look up seeing pansy, i'm currently in the slytherin common room working on some extra homework.

"hey" she says, plopping down next to me

"hey pans whats up?" i ask, putting my books down.

"okay so, i know this is a long shot.. buuuttt, there's a party tomorrow and before you say no just please please think about going!" she says the last part really fast and i laugh

"who's throwing it?" i question and she squints her eyes

"we are..?" she mumbles and my eyes widen

"pansy what!?!" i yell

"okay i know it seems bad, but some first years accidentally heard me saying how slytherin parties are the best and one thing led to another and all of a sudden i had to prove it was true and now everyones expecting a party tomorrow night and i need your help!" she rambles and i sigh

"fine."

later that day, i cross paths with mattheo again.

who cares what my brother thinks or wants for me, it's my life.

"hey mattheo, sorry about yesterday" i say with a smile and he nods

"don't worry about it sweetheart" the name makes my cheeks flush.

we kinda just stand there looking into eachothers eyes for a moment, i'm not sure how it was, but i definitely looked full of lust.

he moves closer to my ear, whispering

"you're drooling again"

i roll my eyes throwing in a, "you wish"

WEDNESDAY:

the party is all set up, and it took HOURS.

me and pansy had to rush right when classes ended to get everything ready

we're supposed to start the party in an hour but before doing that, me and my friendgroup decided to have a little fun

me, pansy, theo, mattheo, draco, enzo and blaise decided to play a friendly game of truth or dare before letting anyone else in.

"y/n" enzo says and i let out a shakey breath, not noticable enough for anybody to hear though.

"yes enzo?" i respond, eyeing him in anticipation

"what'a a dirty secret you've been hiding lately?" he asks and i smirk

maybe i could fuck with these people in a way that wouldn't expose me, but in a way... would?

"well enzo, so glad you asked. recently there has been someone catching my eye... someone who's off limits, someone i'm not allowed to touch, you could call it forbidden, but i prefer the term secrecy." i say with a smug smile, avoiding any and all eye contact with mattheo

before anyone has time to say anything, the clock chimes and the doors to the common room open, the room flooding with people from all different houses.

the rest of the night was kinda a blur, except for the end of it.

i'm too drunk to even function right now, feeling vulnerable and anxious.

god this is why i don't go to parties.

"hey beautiful" a random gryffindor says and i make a face of disgust

"jus' leave me alone" i say in hopes of peace, turning around to walk away, but instead he grabs my wrist.

i turn back to look at him seeing the no-good look on his face

"oh no" i mumble

"are you gonna like.. do bad thing's to me" i ask

i'm never drinking again i feel like an idiot.

"you just consented to it so i might as well huh baby?" he says and i groan.

"i actually have a-" without thinking i grab someones hand, anyone to get me out of this situation would be great

"mattheo?" i say looking up, seeing its him who i grabbed

well, i was going to say boyfriend but mattheo works too.

the gryffindor boy's expression quickly changes from being in control to being scared shitless.

i'm too hazy to even feel right, not paying attention to the bickering mattheo is doing, the way he's absolutely screaming at this boy.

my hand tugs mattheos arm, causing him to look down at me

"mattheo please- just get me out of here" i say, leaning onto his arm.

fuck i'm not supposed to feel like this

THURSDAY:

the last thing i remember, is mattheo dragging me out of that party.

i think he was carrying me? or was it theo? i don't really remember.

i turn over, opening my eyes seeing mattheo next to me

what the fuck.

"g'morning princess" he says and i wince, feeling the light hit my face.

"what time is it?" i ask and see him look over to his bedside table

"like 10" he says and my eyes widen as much as they can.

"it's thursday mattheo we have class!' i yell, attempting to get up

his arm lightly pushes me down

"you need to rest, do you remember what happened last night?" he asks and i shake my head

"you were drugged and you passed out." he mumbles and my eyes widen

"who the fuck drugged me??" i exclaim

"i don't know" he says and i sigh, thinking about last night trying to remember anything i can.

i don't even realize how close me and mattheo are, the way he's shirtless and the way the sun hits his eyes, his morning voice, his soft sheets.

i look down seeing me in his shirt and i quirk an eyebrow which he notices

"no don't worry uh- pansy changed you not me" he reassures and i smile.

the rest of the day we end up just talking and laughing in his dorm, only leaving for food and water.

i gotta admit, it is awfully suspicious me leaving with him last night and waking up in his dorm, now us ditching and spending the whole day together.

but like i said before, i don't care what my brother thinks.

FRIDAY:

i'm currently getting lectured by snape for missing class and i can't help but let my mind wander to mattheo

lately, thats been all my mind is full of.

the tension has been getting thicker and my desire for him has been getting needier.

i need to tell him.

i rush out of snapes lecture as soon as he's finished, rushing to the common room.

what am i even doing, i'm being way too impulsive right now, it's fine i only live once, i have to do this. i tell myself

i reach the common room and run upstairs, knocking on mattheos dorm frantically

he opens the door and i smile, suddenly feeling all of my words leave my mind, going completely blank

then i remembered, i dont need words to tell him what i need.

without thinking, i grab his cheek and kiss him, it definitely caught him by surprise, but it did for me too.

without breaking the kiss, he leads me inside and closes the door, pinning me against it.

my hands tangled in his hair, the smell of his cologne and cigarettes filling my senses, everything just feels right.

an abrupt knock interrupts us, mattheos hand covering my mouth

"dude come on, snape is pissed you missed class and his lecture, we gotta go" a voice comes from the other side of the door.

fuck, it's my brother.

a/n: let me know if u guys want a part 2<3

[martiansodas-blog]

Hi! I was just reading your art donaldson head cannons and when I read this part specifically:

♡ wouldn’t mind having a slightly younger partner. he’d like teaching them things and it’d boost his ego a little bit. you two would tease each other about your age all the time.

I immediately new I had to request a one shot ( I think thats what they’re re called ) of them actually teasing each other maybe a bit nswf but yeah so if you could make one 🙏🥹

🎾 🤍💐✨🎀

“you keep me young.”

“and you gave me my first gray hair, can we go now??”

art liked to imagine you old with all gray hair and fine lines. him standing right by your side.

but he’s getting ahead of himself.

“ya know speaking of hair, you should let me use my curly products on you!”

“you don’t think i’ve outgrown that?”

“are you kidding? it would look so good on you now! i’ve only seen pictures of you with a mop on your head i want to experience it first hand.”

he rolled his eyes but the crinkles around them brought by your cheekiness was prevalent. he can’t hide anything around you.

“alright. you’ve convinced me.”

the two of you were chatting in a local coffee shop. there are a dozen cafes closer but you love this one. and art loves whatever you love. it has personality. they make their syrups from scratch and have a little patio for when it’s sunny.

the man was already convinced you were an angel, but the sun behind you giving you a halo was icing on top.

art drowned in your beauty.

the kind of beauty that made everyone else in the room look bad.

the kind that made you create a whole album in your phones photo app.

he made sure you knew just how stunning you were.

but your beauty was also the least interesting thing about you.

“thanks for taking me here.”

“of course. we really don’t come here as often as we should.”

“it’s out of the way. i’d feel bad if you had to fill up your car AND pay for my meal.”

you said it jokingly but it’s easy to feel guilty that about art spoiling you to the extent that he does. you didn’t have much to give in return.

art takes your smaller hand in his and plays with your fingers. the next time he speaks it’s quieter, and with fervor.

“you are a gift, my gift. you were sent to me.”

he looks into your eyes.

“everything i get to do for you is a joy, ok?”

art wasn’t raised religious, frankly he thinks most of them are bullshit. he never thought about believed in fate.

until you.

it took some getting used to- being appreciated on this level.

boys your age could never worship you the way art does.

you were younger than art, yes. but he wasn’t attracted to you because you were mailable. he was attracted to you because you were brilliant. you were passionate, funny, and if you disagreed with someone you stood your ground. you brought a fresher perspective to his life.

with that being said, he still wants to protect you from the big bad world.

you can defend yourself in every sense of the word, but why would you need to when you have a rich experienced man by your side? there’s a lot of people out there who don’t have the best intentions. especially with a girl in her twenties. that’s where art comes in.

he decides that you still need some convincing even after today's date, so he keeps you in his master bedroom for a few hours.

he wants to rewire your brain and ruin anyone else for you.

“you don't get it, do you? when i said i liked you, it wasn't just skin deep. ive got some bad intentions. i wanna take every inch of you and make it mine; i want you to breathe for me, eat for me, i want all of your orgasms to be because of me.”

the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you

[kingshovelbug]

im sorry but i need to geek out somewhere and screaming into the void on tumblr is less likely to get me flayed than on twitter, especially if i get terms wrong. plus i can do a read more and yall can click into the tech talk if you want to verse it bombarding your twitter timelines

so idk if i only liked it or if i actually put it in my queue but i saw a post that talked about a few pieces of tech that focus on user repairs and being sustainable (fairphone and frameworks laptop) and after doing some more research into what they have to offer i actually really excited that these products are finely hitting the us market and that people are moving away from the belief that super smooth streamlined glassy = the future. being able to reliably repair and keep what you have alive verse throwing the whole thing away when maybe all you needed to do is add more ram to your current laptop (something that i would do with my laptop to keep using it for a few more years if it wasnt glued shut and i was at risk of cracking the screen) or swap out a fuse.

i know big corporations dont like it but i truly do believe with how much tech we use on a daily basis that the way that we are going to be more environmentally friendly is to move back to tech that we can hang onto for as long as we can and to recycle and then reuse what we cant. like with the frameworks laptop. i saw that they just partnered with coolermaster to create a case specifically so that you can reuse you motherboard, cpu, etc and make a portable workstation. you could dual wield with the laptop you just upgraded if you want to dedicate specific tasks to one or the other. they also specifically mentioned that you could screw it into the back of a monitor and create your own all in one. guys thats cool as shit??? if you had a 3d printer and some time you could even create that yourself

on top of the actual hardware part moving to open source programs when your able. when i update my desktop i plan on running linux. it might have a learning curve compared to windows but in terms of performance??? ive heard that it runs smoother even on older machines, that its more efficient because isnt running stuff in the background that tracks your data and shit. now i understand that not everyone can do that because there are some programs that dont play nice with linux but for my needs at least it does everything i would need it to. and maybe a couple years down the road we do figure out how to run these programs on certain flavors of linux since its open source and people fiddle with it so much. (still looking for alternatives to like word and excel though, i use google docs since its free but i want to move away from them as much as i can too since they laid of their youtube music team (i believe?? it might of been a different branch) for trying to unionize)

if anyone knows of any other smaller companies that actually focus on sustainability and user repairability please let me know. theres certain pieces of tech that i think are now unfortunately behind a software repair paywall, things that used to be just machines and are gaining more bells and whistles like cars and refrigerators if that makes sense. but the more we push for these things to be repairable by us the consumers id hope that would change, or there would at least be options that dont need specific companies to repair them or else they blow up

[velvetvexations]

op of the werewolf comic was literally drawing himself, not "detransitioning her". presumably because he, being trans, didnt want to represent himself as a girl. thats common sense i fear

No, listen, it is vitally important we put a 19-year old on blast for drawing a boy in a meme instead of a girl.

I seriously can't stress this enough. This bullshit is all they ever talk about. They don't care about trans women except the ones who are compliant and into the same fetishes, they just want to hurt people and feel like martyrs online. Presumably hate crimes, transphobes legislating us out of existence, and campaign ads directly exploiting incarcerated Black trans women in support of a presidential candidate that wants us all dead, that's all, I don't know, too depressing, I guess? The TMEs stealing our memes and liking Rocky Horror, that's the real danger.

They call me a crypto-TERF because I think it's physically possible for a trans woman to cause harm to a trans man, and yet, I don't see them on any TERF's blocklist!

God, can you imagine not being on a TERF's blocklist? That would be so humiliating for any transfeminist with thousands of followers that regularly engages in aggressive activism!

Are they scared of actual, genuine transmisogynists? Is that it? Are they just cowards? Because they'll release the hounds on a nineteen year old drawing a silly meme where the girl happens to be a boy this time instead, but blogs that actively fantasize about murdering everyone with XY chromosomes, what, that intimidates them?

Or maybe they're just scared of seeing what TERFs actually think since they're so insecure in their femininity they have to pretend transphobes see them as women and only hate them exclusively. If you spent literally five seconds on a TERF's blog the fact that they feel the same contempt towards cis men would be glaringly obvious and that would emotionally obliterate these people. They wouldn't survive. Literally they would die because the idea of one person in the world mentally classifying them as men makes them have a screaming panic attack, which is also why they think getting included in a "hey guys" in a group that otherwise consists entirely of cis women and a parakeet is a deliberately cruel assault on the very soul of trans women everywhere rather than something to shrug off and politely ask to be excluded from in the future. I wish we were teaching trans girls to FUCKING COPE ONCE IN AWHILE instead of insisting that no, actually, you should have a fucking hysterical meltdown over fucking everything at all times regardless of context because no one will ever love you except for other trans women, assuming they aren't tainted by cooties from close proximity to t-boys, and you should never make friends or have sex with anyone else.

And isn't "this person drew themselves, a boy, instead of a girl, and that's bad" at the heart of it? Because just like TERFs, they see trans men as casualties in the gender war at best and willful traitors at worse. Usually both! Men will get "I want to impregnate him" jokes and that's fine, because like, sexual harassment and invalidation of one's identified gender isn't bad on principle or anything, it's entirely a matter of social karmic balance, men oppress women therefore you can do or say anything you want to a man, but like, make sure you only go after trans men, okay, because they might "socially murder" you by making a post about how you were objectively an asshole to them on their blog but saying things like that to a cis man could result in ACTUAL FUCKING MURDER WITH A FUCKING BASEBALL BAT.

[burntb4bydoll]

Reunion segz with Bill maybe? Getting back together with him after a bad fight or maybe you’re his ex from his early tokio hotel days/you’re an ex member of the band 🤭🤭

I got another request very similar to this that i haven’t done yet so here you go lol!!

Bill Kaulitz x Reader

Summery: you see Bill at a party after not seeing him since you broke up

Warnings: unprotected sex, maybe a little bit of scratching, sappy reunion ngl, Bill being protective of you🤭 idfk you guy just have cute fluffy sex??

You walk into your friends house and are immediately hit with the scent of alcohol and weed. The house was dimly lit so you couldn’t really recognize anyone in the room. Sighing, you walk towards the kitchen. You weren’t necessarily in the partying mood, you really only came because your friend begged you to. Which you thought was kinda strange because usually they arent so insistent on making you come to things like this. And of course the person who invited you was no where to be found.

You took a step outside by the pool and thats when you saw him. Bill fucking Kaulitz, your ex boyfriend, standing by your friend and a couple random people. Now it makes sense why your friend wanted you to come so bad. You had just recently told them how you missed him. Bill looked away from whoever he was talking to and locked eyes with you. His eyes widened as he watched you from across the patio. God, you could just die right now. The way he’s looking st you like your the most beautiful being on the planet makes your heart beat faster.

“Hey y/n! Come over here!” Your friend called out. You felt your heart drop when you realized there was no hiding from him. He stared at you the whole time you were walking over. “Y/nnn im so glad you’re here, look did you see Bil-“ you cut them off by pulling them away from the scene.

“What the hell? Why didn’t you tell me he would be here?!” You whisper-yelled at your clearly drunk friend. They just laughed and handed you their drink.

“Y/n its fineee just have a drink and calm down!”

“Fine? F/n. I look like shit, and I am not anywhere near ready to see him without rethinking our whole break up-“

Someone slammed there body into yours, causing you to stumble into a nearby table. The person was clearly pissed off and drunk. They took a step towards you and you backed up.

“Watch it dumbass! Get the fuck out of the way next time!” Before you could say anything you saw someone come up behind the angry man and yank him away from you. No fucking way. It was Bill. You’re stomach erupted with butterflies when you saw how protective he still was over you.

“Don’t talk to her like that! You’re the one who can’t handle your fucking alcohol.” Your jaw dropped at his tone towards the other man. You hadn’t even talked to him since you guys broke up, and he still cares about you? You grabbed Bills arm and tugged on it a bit, trying to get his attention.

“Its ok, he’s just drunk he’s probably not even gonna remember this. Just calm down.” He let go of the guys shirt and gave him a shove in thr opposite direction. “Thank you. I would have been alright though Bill.” He clicks his tongue and looks down at you.

“Yeah well, I’m not gonna let anyone treat you like that. You don’t deserve it.” His voice comes out softer than you expected. You couldn’t help but smile at the sweet man in front of you. “Do you wanna go somewhere else and talk..?” He asked, shifting nervously.

“Um, yeah..yeah sure.” You tried to hide the shake in your voice as you followed him out of the backyard and up the stairs of your friends house. Once you reach your friends guest room, both of you step closer to each other. You can’t stop the words from coming out of your mouth

“Bill, I miss you..”

“Shit.. I miss you too.”

Neither of you moved. You just stood there, inches away from each other. Your eyes move from his to look at his lips until he grabbed your face and kissed you. You close your eyes and hum at the familiar feeling of his lips on yours. He pushes your body against the door, successfully keeping you in place.

“Missed you so bad Bill. Feels so lonely without you.” You mumbled against his lips. Bill softly moans at your words.

“I never stopped loving you honey. ‘Could never love someone else the way I love you. Your my soulmate.” You could hear the genuineness of his words. You whimper quietly, trying to hold back tears. “Hey, hey no. Don’t cry sweetheart, I’m here now. I can’t let you go again.” You pull him back down to kiss you again, running your hands through his soft hair. He spread your legs with his knee and lifts it up to rest against your clothed heat. (I actually hate that im sorry) You let out a shocked gasp and put your arms around his neck to support yourself.

“Bill please, ‘want you so bad. I need you.” You use the most sweet tone, hoping to convince him to not tease you. He smiles widely and laughs a little.

“Ok, ok hun, are you sure? I don’t want this to be something you regret.” His giggly tone faded into a concerned one. You lean up to kiss the corner of his lips,

“Of course I’m sure Bill. Fuck, I mean I’ve thought about this every day since we broke up.” His smile returned and he kisses your forehead.

“Lets get these and pants off of you you, yeah?” You giggled and nodded watching him pull down your pants and underwear. He slipped his hand between your legs and groaned. “Shit, you really did miss me.” He teases, knowing damn well he’s just as needy for you. He pulls his hand away from you and pulled his own pants off. He goes to take off your shirt but you stop him,

“No, no just fuck me please. I need to feel you now.” You whine to him, practically begging.

“Alright sweetie calm down, I got you.” He picks you up, making you wrap your legs around his hips. He lined his tip up with your entrance and leaves little kisses on your face as he pushes into you. You groan and dig your nails into his shoulder. He doesn’t even let you catch your breath before thrusting his hips into yours.

“God you feel so good! Needed your dick inside me so bad!” You moan, not even caring about how desperate you sound.

“I know, I missed this fucking pussy. So perfect for me, so so perfect.” Both of you were basically high off of each other’s presence, having been so close for so long then not seeing each other for months. He speeds up his thrusts and grips your hips tightly. You feel euphoric, running your hands all over his body, trying to feel every part of him.

“B-bill I’m gonna~ shit I’m so close please don’t stop!” You yelped, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Shhh. Its ok honey, cum for me, please. Please cum.” Both of you were begging for each other, but neither of you felt any shame. You both knew you were meant for each other. You arch your back and let your orgasm rush through you. Bill whimpers at the feeling and his hips stutter. He finishes inside you and you are both left panting and groaning.

“Would you please take me back y/n?”

[rin-and-jade]

Job Roulette.. or Not: A Post about Alter Roles

Roles like Hosts? Protectors?.. maybe a Cleaner? an Academic?.. why is there an alter who comes out only for driving?! What about these other alters who don't really do much--they got to have one right??

--Are probably what you might be thinking when this topic comes up. But, there's something more into it,, it's not all about what job or how the role is assigned to an alter only.

Well, for this post, lets talk EVERYTHING about how roles work, what kinds exist, why it's there?? And especially, why are some more task specific, multi-role, or even... none? Bowl straight to the point, let's roll out. Haha punny

Ok J, spill. What are they?

Hold on. Im pulling out this dictionary definition of it--ah!

"defined positions that are associated with given responsibilities and are usually allocated according to the position or ability of each person."

To put it in system terms, it's how different parts can do something that others couldn't, or, feel a sense of responsibility in one particular aspect. That's making sense right? But oh.. you still want to know why they're there at the first place. Fine, follow me!

Yeah, show me why!

As aforementioned, this disorder boxes up our different parts of selves with amnesia and weaker bonds of connection which really sets us back on easing our 'modes' for different situations.. not only that, a part's moods and state/personality can greatly affect what kinds of jobs they get, it's not so random as you'd thought.

So, thing is, because some alters have a distinguished ability capable in doing something, depending what fragment or pre-existing knowledge/experience it holds, that can become it's very own job task.

They can be hereditary (upon split or formed), gained (fuse or passed traits), or even learnt (by its own commitment, without any prior skills). Roles come from many origins, and none of them are so different.

But, some are more complex..

I get it, some can have more than one, have ultra specific ones, or literally just don't have any. Now it makes you think--if it was from predisposed strengths each alters naturally have, then why are some more niche? or like, anything else? I know why:

Our brains are complex alright. We both can think maybe we can do (even if we don't like it) and not do something, and these are all compartmentalized in each alters, so basically its part feelings, part acceptance of such trait, and part commitment as the formula. Even confidence or the call to action affects this outcome!

This can apply to who can handle more than one jobs, or for those who are more specific or lesser known roles. In fact, roles do not have any limits, they are specifically tailored for your functionality so don't fret if you have an alter who's job is only to sleep, or anything else 'silly' !

What about the ones without.. roles?

Do you think it feels wrong to not have roles? While it is true that roles are needed, they're not actually a required standard for everyone to have a job task. Mainly, ANP's are the one who usually have roles, but EP's can too.

If they do not have a role, they might be disinterested or think they don't have any potential, or sometimes they're only there to hold memories / don't have the qualified skill sets, and thats okay! You can take proactive action in anyhow you'd like, just remember, every parts aren't forced to contribute, you know? It doesn't make them useless, maybe more on passive support/back ups.

I've also seen some systems who don't really have roles because the alters are all well-rounded, as in pick up other's tasks and that they're not assigned/compelled to do a particular job at all times, like being flexible. everyone's different!

Make sense, anything else?

Well, that we are not bound to roles, they do not define us, and that we can lose, or change roles according to our growth. Have anyone ever mentioned that?

Im aware that we tend to put too much emphasis on having jobs and being contributive, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that we all in this together, and to help each other, in a way or another.

Never forget that you're more than your job! Maybe try to enjoy other parts of life, yeah?

--

Thats the end of the post. What will you do if you find a new alter with no impressions of having a role? How do you see roles in your own pov? What's the first thing you'd do if you were to be free from your job task, if any? Feel free to let me know, i hope this has been informative, im willing to add anything if something's missing!

- j

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye