#im fine when i travel like on a plane. im okay with buses and train. cars scare me but i tolerate them
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i got hit with like. nauseating anxiety a couple hours ago and i dont know how to make it stop
#wind howls#i have this horrible scary feeling that something terrible and world shattering is about to happen#and that really makes me feel horrible bc my sister and her boyfriend are abt to travel#and my parents and my baby sister are going on a mini trip this weekend. my sibling is dog sitting for my sister.#and my brother may or may not stay home ? he talks about throwing a party for his birthday but thats next month.#i used to love being home alone as a child. i used to feel like it brought me peace and calm like nothing else.#but nowadays its so rare (what with covid and my parents mostly working from home) that being home alone pivoted to making me scared#which really sucks ! my paranoia spikes up so bad and the dread makes me feel sick to my core !#my mom is going on a work trip to quebec city tomorrow and im also scared abt that because i cant be normal about anyone else travelling#im fine when i travel like on a plane. im okay with buses and train. cars scare me but i tolerate them#but when its other people suddenly i get so paranoid its debilitating.#the sense of dread i feel rarely is justified. i know this. i know this is not rational. i cant make it stop.#why are you so scared ! why am i so scared ! what happened ! i used to be so good at being alone ! i used to be so good !#i loved being alone ! why cant i be that way anymore !#i will try to sleep. please wish me luck. maybe im this way bc i slept like dogshit last night. i dont know. i dont feel good.
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