#will probably be around 2 weeks before i see the new samples

[twinkskeletons]

Hi. Any news on the suitehearts pins? Can’t await to see and buy them.

still waiting for samples </3 my original design was a little too complex so i had to change them all which has really pushed back when they’ll be ready

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bet-on-me-13]

Misunderstandings really really suck

Edit: Part 2 is Up

So heres the deal, it's a normal Vivisection AU where Danny had to run away to Gotham after his parents try to kill him, and let's say that he takes Ellie with him too.

They stay there for a few years and after a while they manage to establish a little life for themselves. Danny is running a small Shop that makes them enough money to live comfortably in the apartment right above his Shop, meanwhile Ellie is going to Gotham Metro Academy on a scholarship because she is really smart and they managed to fake some school records for her when they were making themselves new Identities.

(Side Note: Danny is now 26, while Ellie hasn't started aging yet and still looks 12, but she will begin to soon since she just hit her 12th birthday)

Danny also runs a small Ghost Shop out of his store, just selling small bits of Distilled Ectoplasm or Ecto-Infused Treats to the local Ghosts in return for small favors or help around the shop.

But here's the thing. Ellie is still an unstable Clone, even if they did managed to find a reliable treatment in the form of Ecto-Dejecto. But Danny's parents were the only ones who knew how to make that stuff, and the Ecto-Dejecto they stole all those years ago is beginning to run out.

Danny begins to work tirelessly trying to replicate it, diving full on into his Mad Scientist side to try and find a way to make more ED for Ellie. He manages to make some prototypes, but he is nowhere near confident that they are good enough.

He decides to call in some favors from the local Ghosts. He calls the ones he is confident will survive this and asks them to try out his Ecto Dejecto to see if it will work for Ellie, but he does warn them that there will probably be unexpected side effects that they will probably not like.

The Ghosts agree to do it, because in the years that the Fenton's have lived there they have grown extremely attached to Ellie. She is like a little sister or daughter for many of them, they would throw away their afterlives if it meant helping her.

For most of the samples, the ED doesn't work at all. Some of them work for a single moment before cutting out, others don't do anything, and some have crazy effects that affect them for a little while before disappearing abruptly. One guy turned into a Dog, not the worst outcome but not the intended one. Another began to glow brightly and couldn't turn it off, that one lasted for an hour.

They keep testing them, out in the nearby Alley since they don't want to destroy the house or Danny's makeshift Lab, for a few weeks.

They problem comes when they are spotted one night by Red Hood.

...

Jason was crossing the Rooftops while on Patrol. He was going a little farther than his normal patrol range, since he had the time and he wanted to make sure there was no trouble in the nearby areas either.

As he was about to hop from one rooftop to another, he got a weird feeling. It was strange, he didn't feel anything on his skin, he didn't smell anything, he didn't even hear anything, but he somehow knew that there was something strange happening in the nearby Alley. It was like he could sense it.

Peeking over the edge of the rooftop, he saw a group of about 10 people. It was a bunch of strange looking people with green-ish skin, and one normal looking person. The normal looking one was wearing a lab coat, and seemed to be about 25 yrs old. Jason felt like there was something off about that guy, but he couldn't place exactly what. He was holding a box of something in his hand, and talking to the group.

"Ok guys, I'm really confident this time!" He said, "I think one of these may be the one!"

The man placed the box on a nearby Dumpster and opened it up, taking out a strange glowing green Vial. He handed it to one of the Greenish people and watched as they injected themselves with it.

Jason watched as they began to glow slightly before their arms suddenly grew to be longer than they were tall. The Man in the Lab Coat sighed in discontent, before saying "Ok, not that one. But we still have a few to try out!"

Jason watched as one by one the people below injected themselves with the green Liquid, each of them having some strange phenomenon happen to them before moving on to the next. The strange thing was that none of them seemed to be concerned with the changes, just commenting on it felt before moving on.

Finally, they got to the last person in line. As they injected themselves, Jason felt a sense of Anticipation well up in his gut. He didn't know why, but he felt like this was going to he important.

He was proven right as the Man who had injected himself began to glow brightly. Jason was overwhelmed with the sense of Pure Power coming from him. It was intense, he didn't know how, but he could actually feel the man begin to grow stronger and stronger. The feeling was nearly suffocating, but he managed to regain his senses long enough to hear Lab Coat laugh maniacally. He looked over to see that the entire group was enthusiastically high-fiving and fist-bumping eachother, all cheering at the success.

"Hahaha! Yes! Finally!" Labcoat Cheered, "It's done! Once I make some more, we'll be able to-"

The overwhelming power suddenly cut out. It was so abrupt that even the people below didn't speak for some time. They all just stood on slight shock before Labcoat spoke up, "Ok...ok this is fine. All I need to do is take that formula and find a way to make the effect Permanent. After that we're all set." He said, a thoughtful expression on his face, "I think we'll be good to go within a Week!"

The group of people muttered in agreement, and Labcoat thanked them all for a bit before they all began to walk away. It seemed like the meeting was over.

Jason took a moment to collect himself, before deciding to follow some of the group so he could question them. Unfortunately, everybody he followed disappeared into thin air after a short time.

It occurred to him that he hadn't tried to intervene at all. Usually he would have jumped down and beaten them all black and blue for testing drugs right in front of him, but he didn't this time. Why? He also realized that he should have followed the Lab Coat guy first, not waited until it was his last option. Why did he not go after that guy instantly? Why did he hesitate? Was it something to do with that Ominous Feeling that led him to the meeting in the first place? There was just something about the guy that made Jason feel inexplicably sacred of him.

Either way, he needed to tell the others.

Because from what he had seen, a Mad Scientist had been working with a group of Metahumans to create a Super Soldier Drug right there in Gotham, and they needed to stop them.

[twignotstick]

Broken Brothers (and How to Fix Them)

Part 3 💜 | Part 1 <- 🧡 | Part 2 <- 💙

Note: This story is based on @cupcakeslushie 's Empyrean Weeping au. These characters are not my own, and this story is in no way canon to the main story. I wrote this as my love letter to the story and the characters. Especially April :)

Tags: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, ROTTMNT, Donnie & April, April & the Turtles, NOT MY CHARACTERS, Empyrean Weeping AU, recovery (hehehehehe), talking it out because we're adults, skating, social avoidance? idk how to tag that

Warnings (if there's anything I should add here, tell me please!): yelling, some violent actions

Words: 2,065

Summary: April was able to figure out her first brother easily. Now, she gets three more, with a couple more issues to worry about.

----------------------

One brother was already a lot. He was sweet, if a little violent. April was content with one brother.

Then she found out he had two more. Lost in their youth, taken away, never to be seen again. Suddenly, one wasn't enough. April wanted three brothers.

So she got them. One by one, she welcomed her new brothers into their home. She helped them feel safe and welcomed. And, in turn, they helped her learn her place as a big sister.

Now, four? Four whole brothers? That was pushing it.

Donnie was a wild card. Some days, he'd bounce around madly, blabbering about whatever “improvements” he'd made in the lair (always putting Splinter on edge, yet he could never find any problems with whatever Donnie did, probably because his brothers did damage control before he could catch it). Other days, he'd literally hiss at April until she left. Not just left the lair; left the sewers.

This day was supposed to be one of those days. Donnie was visibly shaking with all the pent up energy in him. The brothers had apparently had an “intervention” with Donnie after the previous night, when he had almost broken a major support beam in the lair just so he could collapse it on April. Now, he wasn't allowed to show violence to April in any form for a whole week. In exchange, he'd be allowed to take a single blood sample from each of his brothers, which was the weirdest trade April had ever heard. But Donnie really wanted it.

And boy, was it hard for him.

“Did you see that?! Did you see? I totally landed that one!” Mikey yelped, shaking on his skateboard.

“Good job, big man.” Raph stepped up beside him, lightly touching Mikey's shoulder and making his eyes widen as he tried to maintain his balance.

Mikey had been wanting to practice his skate tricks, and Raph wanted to make sure he did it in a safe environment. The skate ramp in the lair was perfect. Even if they were just practicing kickflips at the bottom, it was safe and contributed to good vibes.

While Raph and Mikey stood at the bottom, April, Leo, and Donnie sat at the top with their legs dangling beneath them. Well, April and Leo's legs were dangling. Donnie was perched up like a frog, knees thrown out to the sides and his hands curled on the edge of the ramp. Leo, of course, was between him and his self proclaimed mortal enemy, absorbing as much murderous intent as he could. It was a lot, to put it nicely.

“Do you think he'll ever actually get to use the ramp?” Leo asked, enjoying the spectacle of his youngest brother getting properly babied by his oldest.

“Four is definitely tough enough to survive a fall from this height,” Donnie responded cheerily. “His shell is the best of all of us. A human, on the other hand, would likely get severely injured if they were to be shoved off the edge.” His face grew the slightest grin at the imaginary violence.

“Watch the language.” Leo raised a brow to Donnie. “And it's Mikey, remember? Not Four.”

“R-right!” Donnie stammered, patting his hands on the side of the ramp. “Four is Mikey.”

“No, Mikey is Mikey. His name isn't Four, and it never was. Just like my name isn't Two, Raph's name isn't One, and your name isn't Three. You're our brother. Donatello.”

Leo was getting slightly agitated, and Donnie- or maybe Three- was starting to fidget and rock back and forth. It was clear that Leo wanted Donnie to just give up all this number talk and act like their childhoods hadn't happened. But that was just an impossible task. April could tell that this situation would be quick to spiral.

“Hey, uh, Leo?” April asked, getting his attention.

“Yes?”

“Betcha can't do an ollie.”

Leo turned fully to face April. “A what?”

“I-it's a skateboard trick…” Donnie said, causing Leo's attention to whip around again. “F- Mikey showed me a couple days ago.”

“Oh.” Leo's brow ridges tightened as he whipped back to face April. “You think I can't pull some stupid skate trick? You are so on.” Leo slid down the ramp, using his carapace like a sled. “Mikey! Give me your board!”

Donnie watched him slide down with wide eyes. “Has he… ever skated before?” He asked, mildly concerned.

“Nope. Never even touched a board.” April smirked. “He's gonna be stuck down there for at least an hour.” She looked over at Donnie, who was gazing down at his brothers with a lost glaze over his eyes.

“You wanna go join them, Donnie?”

The softshell's neck popped as he snapped to glare at April. The murderous intent that had been building suddenly channeled into his face, and he growled before standing up and stomping away swiftly toward his recently decorated room.

April glanced down at the three brothers having fun, then pushed herself up to follow the one who wasn't.

“Wait, Donnie! What's wrong? I-”

“Stop.” The turtle hissed, not turning around to face her.

“Stop? Donnie, what did I-”

“I SAID STOP IT! STOP CALLING ME THAT!” He pressed the heels of his hands into the sides of his head.

“What do you mean? Just tell me what's-”

The turtle turned on his heel in the doorframe. “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't know how to put it in a way your STUPID HUMAN BRAIN WILL UNDERSTAND!” His face morphed into a manic grin. “Goodbye! So long! Sayonara! Toodaloo! GET OUT OF MY FACE!”

The door slammed shut, and April was left breathless.

----------------------

April came back the next day to a much quieter lair. The boys were keeping space from each other, whether consciously or not. Raph was wandering around, trying to act like everything was okay. Leo was training in the dojo. Mikey was spending more time around Splinter than he usually did.

The final brother was still locked in his room.

April decided to join Mikey to bring him his second meal of the day. The first one, a small plate of rice, was still outside the door, now cold and dry.

Mikey knocked lightly, barely tapping the door with his knuckles. “Donnie?” He whispered. “I've got more food for you. It's your favorite- flavorless mush! I tested it myself, no taste at all. I promise!”

The offer was met with silence.

Mikey sighed and let his shoulders slump, backing away from the door. “I just don't get it,” he muttered pathetically. “He hasn't even come out to pee, April. Do you think he's just peeing in a cup? Or a corner? Does Donnie have a pee corner that we don't know about?”

“Mikey, it's okay.” April grabbed his shoulder. “First of all, yes, he probably does, and that just means we get to bond over cleaning his room when this is over. Second, you shouldn't have to worry about this.”

“I'm so sorry, April.” Mikey looked down to his feet. “I don't know why he hates you so much. Maybe if we hadn't-”

“Don't apologize,” April interrupted. “If anyone needs to apologize, it's me.”

Mikey looked back up at his big sister with wide eyes. “Why?”

She sighed. “Because I did something wrong.” April took the food from Mikey's hands. “I'll get him to eat. I'll text you if things go super wrong, but otherwise, ignore any loud noises. I have a feeling this might get… violent.”

Mikey puffed his chest. “Roger, roger!” He saluted and rushed down the hall, supposedly to find Raph and warn him of April's plan before he could start panicking.

April stood next to the door. “Hey, bud,” she started. “It's April. I've got your food, and I'm not gonna leave until you let me in to give it to you.”

After about two minutes of just standing there and getting no response, April sat down. She would say something every few minutes, just to remind him she was still there.

48 minutes later, the lock clicked.

April opened the door slowly. Glancing around the room, she could see the state of disarray it was in. Clothes carpeted the floor, as well as abandoned scrap projects. The turtle was cloaked beneath blankets on his bed, only his bright eyes glaring out at the invader.

She left the door open and stood to the side, getting just close enough. She didn't want him to feel threatened or trapped. She placed the (well cold by now) food next to the growling blanket pile and backed away. Waiting a second, just until he proved he would actually start eating, she spoke.

“Why don't you want me to call you Donnie?”

The pile shifted. “You just… you just can't.”

“Why not?”

“...because Splinter gave me that name. It's my name as his son. As Raph, Leo, and Mikey's brother. Not yours.”

April was about to pose a question, but the softshell suddenly sat up and started showing his anger. In the action, he also revealed the red marks growing on his arms from squeezing them.

“Because I don't care how much time you spend around us. I don't care how much One likes you, or how much Four draws you, or how much stupid stuff you watch with Two! You aren't related to me. It's scientifically impossible. We don't share any genetic material. You aren't my brother!”

With frazzled eyes, he turned and grabbed April's collar, bringing the two face to face.

“And you are most definitely not my sister.”

He shoved April away and sulked back in his den. The girl decided to take the violent outburst as an invitation to get closer, and sat on the edge of the bed.

“...that's okay.”

She only got a sniff in response.

“I don't need to be your sister. Or your brother. All I want is to be your friend. And if that means I call you something else, that's okay. Just tell me what you want me to call you, and I'll do it. Maybe I can call you Purple like Splints has been. Or I'll call you Three, if you really want me to.”

The turtle, Donnie to some, showed his face, keeping the blankets wrapped around his shoulders. His fingers were digging into his upper arms.

“And I know you might not like me, but I'm not going anywhere. Your brothers like me, and they'll be upset if I go away.” When she saw the softshell's grip tighten, she quickly added, “And I know that if they had to choose, they'd pick you. But they don't have to. They don't want to.”

The turtle stared aimlessly in front of him. “...I don't… I…”

“I can just not call you anything if you can't decide. Y'know, just call you ‘dude’ and stuff.”

His shoulders lifted higher, touching the sides of his chin. “That… that works…”

April smiled wide. “Great.”

The two sat there, just accepting each other's company. Donnie's tight posture slowly loosened, and April focused on making sure his breathing was even.

This poor boy had never known true family. He had never known learning to trust people and taking them in. He had never been taken in. This concept, choosing family, was so foreign. Because to him, family wasn't something you could choose.

April would never allow that. Never again.

“...sooo, do you have a pee corner?”

“What?!”

April held her hands up defensively. “Mikey said you haven't come out to pee! I just wanted to know if you had a pee corner!”

“No?! Why would you automatically assume I have a pee corner?”

“Because you haven't come out of your room to pee! What, do you have a pee cup instead?!”

“No!”

“Then what have you been doing?!”

Donnie pointed to a spot in the room, and April looked over to see a very D.I.Y. toilet, made of scrap metal welded together. (She could recall that Donnie's welding materials had been taken from him weeks ago.) “I hooked it up to go straight into the tunnels,” Donnie boasted proudly. “I even dug the holes myself! Digged? Dug.”

“...yeeeah, we're getting rid of that,” April grimaced.

“WHAT?! WHY?!”

“YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHY.”

----------------------

[In time, Donnie would let April call him by his name. And, in time, he would learn that his name was his, and his alone.]

○●○●○●○

And that's it! Totally! April has started on her long journey to fixing all of her broken brothers! She has NO OTHER BROTHERS THAT HAVE ISSUES, why would you ever think that 🟥🐢

This part gave me quite a few problems. Knowing that the "Maps" comic is probably going to explore April and Donnie's relationship, I was a little scared about making assumptions. Also, you don't realize how difficult it is to write someone who isn't all there until you're actually trying to do it. Eventually I just said "screw it, if he's out of character, its fine". So now we're here :)

ALso, no one tells you how motivating and powerful the high you get when someone you look up to praises your work is, I thought this would take me WAY LONGER to finish 🤡

aanyway, congrats to all the tmnt au comp winners, again. Can't wait to see who moves on from here :D

Part 4 -> ❤️

[pandoa]

it's the little things: III

the little things they do for you

~feat. heartslabyul~ ~twisted wonderland x gender neutral reader~

~headcanons~ part 1│part 2│part 3

ace trappola saves you a seat wherever you two may go—though that doesn’t make him any less of a pain in the ass about it. in class, the cafeteria, library, or even your own dorm room, ace makes it his personal obligation to (1) save you a spot beside him, and (2) piss you off in the process. it's not like the seat wasn’t meant for you, but ace felt that he needed a much more entertaining way to save it for you. from draping a lazy leg over your seat just as your body finds its way into the chair to placing random—but overall harmless—items onto the cushions of your seat, he’ll do almost anything to mess with you. your reactions are just too priceless.

"Ah... class is finally over..."

"I thought Trein's lecture would never end! I am exhaus— Hm?"

"Oh, hey, (Y/n). What's up?"

"I... took your spot? Nah, I don't think I saw anyone sitting here before~ You're imagining it."

"Besides, my legs seem really comfortable here; I don't think I could move even if I wanted to."

"There's an open spot on the ground, though; you could sit there if you wa— Ouch! Okay, okay, I get it! I'll scooch over!"

"Just stop hitting me for Seven's sake!"

deuce spade unconsciously picks up your mannerisms. whether it be the certain phrases you say or the carefree way your hands seem to wave at the sight of him, deuce begins to mimic it all. he doesn’t even notice it until ace irritatedly points it out after a sickeningly oblivious “study session” with you and the other first years as the majority of the time was spent watching the two of you—each both more dense than the next. it wasn’t too difficult to catch on, really, but some part of deuce hopes that you hadn’t caught on just yet. he wishes to face his feelings properly, so perhaps give him a little more time, yes?

"Wait, so... in the history of magic, the fae began to progress their own kingdom... when?"

"Uh... let's see. It should obviously be sometime before the war between the fae and humans, that's a given, but... Huh?"

"What's up? Is there something wrong, (Y/n)?"

"We're both just sitting the exact same way—? Oh... yeah, I guess we are."

Deuce looked down only to notice the similar way your hands would fidget in sync with his. Oh, great. Now we're both twirling our pens the same way; I need to stop before this starts getting a little weird for them—

"U-uh! It's probably just a coincidence! Yeah!"

"No deeper meaning to it... totally."

cater diamond sets his phone aside when talking to you. he may be the type to practically be attached to his phone twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week; however, that doesn’t mean he lacks any self control when around you. even he knows that time is precious and that the memories he shares with you would come to be much more valuable than checking the likes of his latest magicam post. flipping over his screen to face the back of his phone, cater’s attention is entirely on you, and you alone. although, he might pull it out for a quick pic with you as you two are hanging out wherever you are. could you blame him, though? the view of you and him in the same camera frame was just too pretty for a sight to skip out on~

"(Y/n)! You made it~ I think you had something to tell me, right?"

"Nope, you weren't interrupting anything! Just posted a last-minute story on magicam—nothing too important."

"Just go on with whatever you wanted to tell me. I'm listening."

"Oh... my phone's ringing? They can wait, hehe."

"Keep going~ My full attention's only on you."

trey clover never fails to give you a small treat—be it a homemade piece of candy or pocket-sized sweets—each day he sees you. at first, it starts as a matter of chance. one day he happened to have a petite sample of a new recipe he’d been experimenting with and saw you as the perfect taste-tester of the newest treat. but as one day turned into another, trey found that he never failed to keep a sugary dessert inside a pocket or two of his uniform, each one different every day. he just enjoys the way your face seems to light up at the sight of the sweets gently being placed into the palms of your hands.

"(Y/n), here's the book you left back at Heartslabyul yesterday. Make sure to remember it next time, haha."

"It's no problem. Oh, yes, and—"

"I baked these miniature pies yesterday after you and Grim came over for the Unbirthday. They're candied, too, so they might be to your liking."

"It's no trouble! I'm glad you seem to like the smaller things I bake."

"It's nice to see whenever you enjoy my cooking, in all honesty."

riddle rosehearts is more lenient on you when regarding the dearest queen’s rules. he doesn’t seem to be doing it on purpose, though—no, no. all of his words and actions, to him, are all acts of respect and common courtesy for the dear prefect. you’ve encountered so much; the most he could do is show you respect as well, yes? like deuce, everyone but him tends to notice it and it truly messes with everyone’s minds. clearly an act of favoritism, all the students of heartslabyul grow envious of riddle’s much more lax treatment towards you. riddle may be fond of you, but why did they have to get the short end of the stick???

"And what do you all think you're doing eating a tart so guiltlessly?"

"Rule number 089: Never eat a tart without the Queen's permission. I do not remember giving any one of you permission to eat a tart today."

"Such violations will not go unpunished."

"Oh... the prefect is here, too? Well..."

"They are in no part of the Heartslabyul dorm and, in fact, lead their own dorm as well. We are—in some way—equals from differing dorms."

"No, I am not just conjuring excuses! Stop this nonsense, or off with your head!"

a/n: ace was one of those kids who’d pull on another kid’s pigtails or ponytail back in elementary school i just know it

[lexkent]

I feel like I've always woken up with tired, puffy eyes and then about a year ago, I started waking up with a crease in my skin around my eyesocket line which would fade in about an hour or so. But then last month, 2 weeks before my 30th birthday, the crease stopped fading away, and it feels like it's getting more and more prominent every day and I'm not handling it very well at all

I've gone to seph*ra 5 times and tried out their best, most expensive "line erasing" creams and they sent me home with a decent sized free sample container. didn't do anything. my mom found and gave me a serum they usually have at the dermatologist's office on sale at TJ M*xx which I've been using and I don't know why I'm surprised it's all a scam lol

against all odds (my mom being consumed with self loathing over her appearance, society, etc) I've managed to not get hung up on being/not being pretty or slim, but I can't get past these new lines on my face because I've ALWAYS been told I look young for my age so it feels like I'm losing a part of myself or something

but maybe nothing's working because these don't seem like the typical kind of lines you usually see? they're more like creases and likely caused by allergies + maybe from me sleeping with my face in my pillow. where my skin was like "enough it's been over a year I'm not smoothing that shit out anymore." also I could find the best serum in the world, but it still probably won't be effective when I keep waking up with puffy, swollen eyes

[thefrontofmymind]

Proof Positive 3

a/n: wtf??? i'm updating something 2 days in a row?? this is so unlike me

series masterlist

The morning after, you got out of bed around the time you always did and you got ready for work. With a gentle whisper to a half-awake Ross that you were leaving, you were out the door. 

You tried not to think about it, you hid it in a cupboard in your mind but that didn’t mean it was banging on the locked door. It must’ve been expectant mothers day on the tube because you counted no less than five pregnant women sitting in your carriage. Well, six, actually.

You kept laser focus on your work all day, even through the nausea and exhaustion. It wasn’t until you looked at your schedule did you realise that the tour that you’d been painstakingly organising every little detail of would begin in a mere two weeks. Ross would be leaving in two weeks. Twelve days to be exact. It gave you a jolt; you needed to act, and quickly. You booked an appointment with your GP for the day after tomorrow. You googled what to do, what to say to her, what she’ll say to you. You wanted as much control as you could get.

She would probably ask for either a blood test or a urine sample and she would test you herself. And then she would explain all the options you had. You knew it was early days, it was still an embryo, it didn’t even have a heart, it’d barely grown a brain. It had no thoughts and no pain receptors, it made you feel a little better. It wasn’t a baby yet.

You got a text from Ross at around 4 PM, ‘had to go back to mine to get some clothes, youre free to come over?’. You typed out a quick reply, ‘sounds good. see you soon xx’.

You placed your phone onto your desk and finished writing an email to some venue manager who had questions about the band’s rider. Another ping erupted from your phone, you took a quick glance at the new message from Ross; ‘how are you feeling?’, you didn’t know how you felt, so you didn’t answer.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

As you entered Ross’ flat, using the key he gave you a year ago when he moved in, you heard…talking. More than one person. In the living room was Ross, along with Adam and Carly. Like a switch that flipped, you were bright and happy–you couldn’t let them know what was happening.

A chorus of surprised greetings, questions on why you’ve shown up at Ross’ flat.

“She just can’t resist my cooking…” Ross joked. You didn’t fail to notice the inflection he had, you just prayed that Carly and Adam missed it.

There was some chatter between the boys–something technical with a song they were in the process of recording–and between you and Carly. You were telling her all about the tour, you could pretty much whip up any detail for the next ten months from the top of your head. And she had many questions about where her fiance was going, and when. You got to thinking…There was very well the possibility that things regarding the tour would have to change. In about eight months or so yours and Ross’ lives could change drastically. 

Ross slowly made his way to the kitchen, prepping ingredients for a stir fry. The couple got the hint, making a polite exit and telling you both to enjoy yourselves–whatever that meant.

You silently watched Ross cooking, sipping on the glass of squash you made yourself. He kept stealing glances at you, you pretended to be oblivious.

It felt like your bubble burst. The bliss you felt, this honeymoon stage, it was all over. Everything had been so natural before–the kisses, the casual touches, the pillowtalk–but now it was all just so forced. 

You picked at the food on your plate, you didn’t want to tell him the smell of it made you nauseous. You told him about your day at work, how the final plans for the tour were going.

“So we’re just not talking about it?” He asked after yet another story from you about a rude venue manager or a misunderstanding with your travel agent over the band and crew’s visas.

“I made a doctor’s appointment for Friday…she’ll tell me if it’s…real,” you answered.

“You wanna go alone?”

“You wanna come with me?” It was a genuine question.

“I told you I’m here for you,” he said. “However you want me, I’ll be there.”

You were looking right into his eyes, and he was looking in yours. At the unwavering eye contact you were comforted, you knew there was a shred of falsehood in his words.

“It’s at three in the afternoon…” You told him. “You could meet me there?”

“I’ll pick you up from the office.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The waiting room smelled like bleach. Like the linoleum floors had been scrubbed recently. The loudest sound was emitting from the small TV anchored to the wall in front of you and Ross–some daytime soap opera with characters you couldn’t understand the relations of, no matter how hard you tried.

Sitting across from you was a young guy, probably around 25 or so, cradling a little girl who was drifting in and out of sleep. She was tiny, a toddler still with the chunky limbs of a baby, and a mess atop her head of golden ringlets that probably hadn’t been brushed that day.

As the doctor called your name, you immediately jumped up. You didn’t see the large form next to you rise with you.

“Do you want me…” Ross trailed off from his seat, gesturing towards the corridor you were about to walk down.

“Please.”

Once you and Ross sat down in her office and got comfortable, she began to speak in a light and friendly tone. “So what brings you in?”

“Well…” you started. “I…my period was late so I took one of those early detection tests and it was positive.”

“A pregnancy test?”

You nodded.

“Okay.” She began to type out some notes on her computer. “Is your cycle regular?”

“To a tee, I’ve never been even a day late before.”

“So how many days?”

“Four.”

“And how long has it been since your last period?”

You thought for a second. “About a month?”

“Right.” She finished typing and turned back towards you. “I’ll get you to do a test here if that’s alright. I’m guessing this is the…father?”

“Yes, right, this is Ross,” you said. They exchanged a polite greeting.

The doctor handed you a small plastic jar. “Bathroom is just down to the left, you can’t miss it.”

About 10 minutes later the results were ready. Instinctively you grabbed Ross’ hand as your doctor looked at the much more clinical looking test. 

“Two lines…which means it’s positive,” she said. Your brain began to tick into overtime, it was like time slowed almost to a stop.

In that moment, knowing it was real, you felt a sense of comfort. You didn’t know how, but somehow you got the sense that you could do it, and it would all be alright, you could make it work. A warmth spread through your abdomen–though that was just your mind. You became aware of the hand you were holding in a vice-like grip. Ross was with you, you wouldn’t be alone, you could very well have a family with the man next to you. You could be there for each other through all this, you were a team.

“Oh my god…” was all you could say, a soft smile spreading across your face. You looked at Ross, mirroring your smile.

“I should talk to you about options,” your doctor said after a minute of letting you bask in the happiness.

“I want to keep it,” you said instantly.

You smiled at Ross again, he raised his eyebrows–silently asking “really?”–you nodded.

“Well then,” she laughed. “I’ll give you the name of a good OB, he’s the one who delivered my two girls…” She was messily writing on a notepad. “And this is a good brand of prenatal vitamins.” She opened a drawer of her desk and retrieved a pamphlet. “And here’s just some guidelines for the early stages, what not to eat, symptoms you might have, all that.”

“Thanks,” you said after she handed you the bundle of information.

“I’d suggest booking within the next week, you might just be far enough along for a proper ultrasound.”

You didn’t say another word until you were out of the building and walking to the closest tube station, to the line that would take you right to Ross’. “A baby…”

“I know,” he chuckled.

“Are you okay with this all? Sorry…I didn’t know what my answer would be in there…”

“Listen to me.” He stopped walking, taking your hand in both of his and fiddling with your fingers. “There is no one else I would rather do this with.”

“Out of everyone in the entire world?” You laughed.

“No one else.”

“Not even Waugh?”

“Don’t tell him that I pick you…” He said in a hushed tone, to which you couldn’t help burst out laughing.

You couldn’t describe the joy you were feeling. The bubble of bliss was back for you both.

That night you slept easy, in the arms of the father of your baby, the three of you together–at least for now.

[infini-tree]

Captain Underpants and the Problematic Pandemonium of the Punishing Plungerina! (TETOCU23 Edition)

the episode concept hybridizes two episodes-- season 1′s TP Mummy with ree’s character reveal and the plungerina concept seen in season 2, except she was retooled to be erica’s monster of the week form instead. we imagined this coming around later in the season-- even to the point of having her be the final monster of the week kid in the first season.

the general idea was that, throughout the season erica has been built up as this kid who grew up too fast. whenever the big plot of the day happens, she’s usually off to the side doing her work. unlike melvin, she does this out of necessity because she wouldn’t have the time at home. 

during the dressy monster of the week episode (chronologically before this), this is actively challenged where she has a more active role in stopping her, as well as get a new friend in the process! this is also the part where erica realizes that, hey, acting like a kid her age and being friends with others feels pretty nice.

now, in this episode, the pressure reaches a boiling point for erica. there’s a few versions of what exactly made her go full monster of the week-- her parents not showing up for parent teachers conference, ree unintentionally exacerbating the issue through a series of circumstances left to be determined, erica being unable to juggle all of her responsibilities and her new social connection. 

as a result, the boys and captain have to fight erica as plungerina and ree’s secret comes to light. the omega toilet is probably involved in the climax (i mean, it didn’t flush properly... it’ll be a real Hoisted By Their Own Petard moment if erica unplugs it and that’s how she’s brought out of the monster of the week form)

post-episode, ree takes her as a protégée after seeing her skills in plunger-based combat. this was one part because their dynamic in the canon camoflush ep was fun and needs some lead up to the equivalent in this au, but also because the opportunity is so good. i mean, the both of them fight with bathroom supplies and tetocu23!erica is in need of a decent/solid adult figure in her life!

and some general notes:

prior to this episode, ree appears in the background after school-wide monster of the week fights to clean up to subtly set him up. he sometimes does weird stuff like collect samples, but with how weird the other staff is, it doesn’t seem as weird in comparison

since the legacy movie characters are going to be in this theoretical reboot (and lean a little closer to their movie selves), there’s no reason for a yewh-type character for krupp to pine over on account of edith being there (that isn’t to say that she may not come back)

this kind of makes erica, dressy, and ree a bit of a parallel to the george-harold-captain trio dynamic. this will be relevant later when the boys are properly expelled and the kids are left to fend for themselves against endenemys

[tealincubusspeckles]

Concept Card

To those in the Seduce Me Community who are uninspired here are some concept ideas that you can chew on.

Overarching Theme: What made you fall in love with your love interest in the first place? Can you put them in a situation where that attribute shines through in a different scenario?

Concept A “Comfort Collaboration” Main Theme: Break the dependency 1. People like comfort characters. 2. Yet, they do not ask themselves “How can I make my partner more comfortable with me”? 3. Possible MC motive: Person who like comfort, but disregards their own boundaries to help others. Or they lack confidence to comfort another. 4. Possible resolution: the brothers or LI help MC to realize she is not as shy as she once was around them.

Concept B “Hold Down The Table” Main Theme: When Dungeons & Dragons gets weird or when players fail successfully? 1. MC, the dungeon master, gathers the brothers to test a new story on the boys. 2. MC wants to see their reactions, but also to make note of possible routes other players may choose in the story. 3. Comedy/surprising twist: Damien often rolls to seduce the most. 4. Whenever Sam attempts to flip the table the other brothers have to hold it down. “It's just a game bro! It's not that serious”. (+5 emotional damage, -3 hp) jk.

Concept C “Language Soup” Main Theme: Knowing or Lack of knowing multiple languages as a mixed raced kid. 1. MC is a mixed raced kid. 2. Often people used to tell them “You should be able to speak [insert language here]". 3. The MC knows how to a small degree. 4. Or sometimes MC forgets the correct phrase or word when stressed so they refuse to speak. Or instead of going silent they swap in another word from another language they know. Example: "Usted es kawaii" 5. The brothers are interested in learning how many languages the MC knows. 6. MC and the boys journey to building confidence in speaking the other languages. 7. Soon it becomes a week day or a weekend challenge to see who can hold the longest conversation in a certain language.

Concept D “Birthday Windows” Main Theme: Is leaving home all for love worth it? 1. Takes place after SM2 in Sam's route. 2. MC never thought she would never see her friends again. 3. Although, she is far from them and they probably forgot her by now. She can still find similar things in the Plains that remind her of home. 4. Sam surprises her with a stone/crystal slab that works like a video call! It helps her get in contact with her friends or Sam's siblings. 5. Before she uses it Sam could explain the basics of how it works. Or He can "call" Matthew up to explain it. The slab can create illusions so Mika or the background looks "human". 6. Of course! This means Mika has to lie about where she is and how she is getting "wifi". But hey! Friends! 7. Mika cannot use the slab often since it requires tons of Sam's magic to do so. 8. It was Matthew who created the idea of this method. Erik who executed the original spell. James designed the "device" and instructions to send to Mika's friends. Damien was the one to deliver said "device" saying it was a sample product Mika wanted them to be the first testers. 9. *Keep in mind dog tags reached the Abyssal Plains and Diana knows the laws of the worlds. Why? Demons know a little about human culture and trinkets.

Concept E "The Boat Is Sinking!" Main Theme: In the game "The Boat Is Sinking" players who fail to group loose (sink). 1. MC gets stuck in an old elevator alone when visiting Thr Anderson Toys Company. 2. The elevator soon drops. MC gets nervous, faints, then hits her head. 3. Mika's starts dreaming (plot hole?) 4. She gets whisked away onto a pirate ship! 5. Here she meets Captain James, Quartermaster (Second Captain) Erik, Boatswain Sam, Pilot (Navigator) Matthew, and Master Gunner Damien. 6. MC also finds out that she is a captured mermaid they kept in a tank to make a deal. 7. Apparently before she passed out she told them she could make them happy. 8. The brothers are seeking a way out from their engagement with a foreign princess. 9. How can MC help all 5 of the brothers out of the engagement. What can a mermaid not related to mermaid royalty do? Maybe some animal friends can help? Or maybe the fact her grandfather was a shapeshifting mage?

If you use any of these concepts here, AO3, fan fiction, or whatever else please tag me or comment. I would like to see them in a story at some point.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Finishing Shit Up

I finished up the Iron Rig DLC for Dregde yesterday. By which I mean, "completed all tasks and all storyline and got 100% completion even if it meant I had to turn off Passive Mode because I have been at 100% completion for that fucking game since before it even had passive mode and I was not ruining it now".

For those of you who haven't got that far yet, here's a couple of tips that I wish I'd known before all the messing about.

Don't throw away all of the black glop that ends up on your ship from time to time. Put some in your storage (even numbers). You will need it.

Do not feed all the fish you catch to the generator. Put some in your storage and let them rot all the way. You will need that too.

If you are lacking in black glop and have cleared every source of said black glop from the map, talk to the Foreman. Doing so will generate more black glop for you to clean up (and collect on your ship).

The reason you need all this stuff is to get the very last fish (number 230 in the encyclopaedia). A Thing will happen when you hand in all the new samples from all four base game zones. You will know it when you see it. When that Thing happens, you will be able to catch Fish 230 if you go under the rig and use the Aberrated Bait you can make with all that rot and black splotch. You will need a fair bit of it because it can take awhile.

Yes, I know the encyclopaedia entry and hover text description is blank for Fish 230. If you want to read it, generate some more glop and deliberately gather as much black splotch as you can, because it's the best way to get to red-level panic and that's when you can read the description. Don't worry - Fish 230 doesn't rot.

You also cannot sell it. If you want your inventory / storage space back, just throw it away.

(Oh, and if you want to do the black-splotch thing for red-level panic? Switch to passive mode. It's a good hack but it will generate a monster. But evading that monster is an achievement so maybe do that on normal mode at least once.)

Exotic bait is a must too, if you're going for full completion. You'll need five containers of it, minimum. Aberrated bait? Well, if you're struggling to catch aberrations, just make as much of it as humanly possible and have fun filling in those particularly irritating entries in the encyclopaedia.

There you go - everything I had to Google for. If you don't play Dredge ... well, maybe this will tempt you into it. And it should - the game's kind of awesome.

So that's one incomplete game down (and it barely counts because I did finish it but then there was DLC). Now all I've got are Horizon Forbidden West and BG3. No, I have not completed a full playthrough yet. Stuff kept getting in the way. Maybe if I'm lucky and I'll be finished the one that's currently somewhere mid act-2 before October rolls around. Because October? October is a month, lemme tell you. TLOVM S3 comes out in October, and that's going to eat chunks out of several weeks because of how Amazon releases episodes of that. The Silent Hill 2 remake comes out on the 8th, and then there's Veilguard on the 31st.

(I should at least try that one. For perfumery, if nothing else.)

Don't talk to me about November either. Arcane S2 comes out first week of November. I don't think I'll be so buried in Thedas that I miss that.

This honestly makes me glad that the Sandman S2 release date seems to have been put back to ... well, they're guessing 2025 sometime. Well, that and hearing Esme Creed-Miles be Cassandra de Rolo at approximately the same time as seeing her do Delirium of the Endless would probably be a bit of tonal whiplash for me.

You know, the people who give nerds shit for "not being mature enough" or some shit should take note. Like, one of the big things about adulthood is the ability to schedule, and to organise one's time. No one organises their time like a nerd looking down the barrel of several release dates for favoured things all coming in the same month.

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

Something New (Sashnetra pt 2/4)

Here's part 2 for the Wedding Planner AU, and thank you for all the love on part 1! Any feedback is welcomed, thanks lovelies!

Read on ao3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It looks like that weird Mormon girl and her family are coming back today for another dress fitting."

"Mistress, what have I said about calling our brides and their guests weird?" Sasha called over her shoulder to her employee, as she unlocked the front door and flipped the sign on the door to the 'Open' side. She glanced at Mistress and Luxx from across the lobby, who were both looking over the open scheduling book filled with all the appointments for the day.

A few weeks prior, Anetra, who was accompanied by her mother and younger sisters, had come in for an initial dress appointment. The appointment didn't last long, as her mother had complained directly to Malaysia, as there were 'not enough modest and Godly' dresses in their current inventory. Sasha then placed an order from a dress vendor that specialized in LDS bridal and bridesmaids' dresses. Luckily, the family agreed to come in for a second appointment after hearing that the new sample stock had been sent to the store.

"You said that someone might overhear and get upset, and we can't have a negative review on the Better Business Bureau," Mistress responded in a slight, mocking tone as Sasha walked over to the front desk, her long ponytail flowing behind her, to look at the scheduling book. She noticed that she had no appointments scheduled, and no vendor meetings until the late afternoon, which was a rarity for her.

"Who's going to be with that Mormon family then? We have that bridal party with 20 bridesmaids coming in right before, and that's looking like a two-person job." Malaysia said from where she was arranging the front display of the newest dresses for the upcoming spring season. Sasha thought for a moment, as she recalled seeing the enormous mountain of dresses to be altered from when she was talking to Loosey earlier that morning.

"Luxx and Mistress can take the bridal party coming in. Loosey is behind on alterations, and honestly Malaysia, you are a better seamstress than I am." She informed her team before taking in a deep breath, "I'll take care of the weird Mormon family today."

"I thought you said we can't use that word anymore?" Luxx asked in a sarcastic tone.

"I did, but who is the one that signs your paychecks every week?" Sasha shot back to them, not missing a beat.

"Point taken, then."

A few hours later, Sasha had just finished zipping up the third dress that Anetra tried on for the appointment. Her mother had given the pre-selected dresses a 'modesty seal of approval', and Sasha had the fitting room stocked and ready with Anetra's name scrolled on the whiteboard on the door.

"Okay, turn around and take a look in the mirror for me." Sasha stepped to the corner of the fitting room that allowed Anetra a full view of herself.

"This one is good, I like it. " Anetra said with a straight face, which hadn't changed much since the appointment started.

"Really? Because you said the same thing about the last two. but your face says otherwise." Sasha responded while crossing her arms over her chest. Sasha has met plenty of opinionated brides and even more opinionated families and guests. But she had never come across a bride as indifferent as Anetra.

"Oh, um, sorry. I've been told before that I always look mad. But I like this dress, I promise." Anetra rambled off, avoiding Sasha's striking green eyes in the mirror's reflection.

Sasha suddenly perked up, an idea coming to her head. She gestured to the braid Anetra's hair was tied in, as she had seen her every time the bride entered the store. "Are you planning on wearing your hair like that for your wedding?"

Anetra turned around to look at Sasha and shook her head, saying "I'm probably going to wear it down that day, why do you ask?"

Sasha gently held the braid and asked "Can I?", before Anetra gave her permission. Sasha took out the hair tie, before unraveling the braided strands of hair, into flowing, tawny-colored locks that ran down Anetra's back. She moved a couple strands in front of her shoulders, to frame the face before looking up at Anetra's reflection in the mirror.

Sasha paused for a moment, feeling hit with a sense of awestruck when seeing Anetra. She no longer looked plain and passive, her hair framed her face perfectly, perfectly complimenting her sharp facial features. The long hair made Anetra's athletic frame look more feminine while showing her toned arms that peaked out of the dress's fluttering short sleeves. Sasha felt that it was silly, how one small change in someone's appearance could make her feel this strongly. But Anetra was one of the most gorgeous women she had ever laid eyes on, and that's all Sasha could pay attention to at that moment.

Sasha quickly shook the feeling off, getting back to her professional demeanor. She realized that her hands had somehow traveled down from Anetra's shoulders, and now gently resting above her hips, before quickly putting them at her sides "Okay, let's go out and show them!" she shot a quick smile to their shared reflection before moving to open the door, almost missing that Anetra's cheeks had turned to a pink shade under the fluorescent lighting of the fitting room stall.

Anetra and her family had finished off the appointment by placing an order for a white, A-line bridal dress, with long sleeves made from sheer material, and small floral details embroidered into the fabric. The dress had a small train that flowed behind, which made for a perfect fit for Anetra's cathedral wedding in the next few months. The dress was happily approved by the family, yet Sasha kept to herself that Anetra still seemed indifferent about it, although the bride assured her that it was perfect.

Sasha wrote Anetra's future alterations appointments in Loosey's hot pink scheduling book while making small talk with the family. She made different appointment cards as well, handing them over to the desk to the family, which Anetra's mother took and looked at, one by one. "Oh, this one for the cake sampling with you, I don't think we can do that date that you put down. I need to take Anetra's younger brother to soccer tryouts that day." Anetra's mother told Sasha, handing back the card.

Anetra piped up from in-between her younger sisters, her height making her tower over them. "Actually, I can come by myself to that appointment, if that's okay, with you, Mom," she asked her mother for permission, who thought about it for a moment before responding.

"I don't see why not. It's just a cake tasting ,and I'm sure you and Sasha will pick out something tasty for the wedding cake." Anetra's mother responded.

"Great, It's a date then!" Sasha said brightly, before seeing Anetra's wide-eyed reaction to what she just said. She realized that what she said may not have been the most appropriate response to her engaged client that she'll have an afternoon sampling cake with a stunning woman, alone together in her office. "Oh, obviously not that type of date. But it will still be a great time!" God, Sasha had never felt so flustered and mildly embarrassed in her entire career. Luckily, the family seemed to accept that answer before they had said their goodbyes to the wedding planner. Sasha led them out the front door before it shut behind them and she slumped against it, letting out a deep-rooted sigh.

"Nice save there, boss." Luxx said while briskly walking by, carrying a pile of emerald green bridesmaids dresses in their arms.

Sasha stepped out of her office after a long-winded video call meeting in the late afternoon, in which Anetra never left her mind the entire time. She could hardly concentrate on the vendor's presentation, barely remembering the company's name. Sasha thought that by this time in the afternoon, she would be the last person left in the building, until she heard the hum of a sewing machine down the hall slowing down after a long day of use.

Sasha walked down the hall to the alterations section, and peeked around the door frame to see Loosey finishing up a hem on the last dress in the pile from that morning. Sasha took notice how concentrated the blonde woman looked, putting so much detail and care into the garment she was working on. She admired the amount of dedication Loosey put into her craft, but hated that she would have to interrupt seeing her so focused.

Luckily for Sasha, Loosey saw her in her peripheral vision when checking the thread above, and beamed her a smile. "Hey! Come on in, Sash. I'm just finishing up here." Sasha gave a close-lipped smile in return, and moved to plop in the stool across from the table, unintentionally displaying how this day had drained her. She watched Loosey buzz around the room, putting away the threads and bobbins back to the organizer that hung on the wall. "Thank you for sending Malaysia up here today. I don't think I would have gotten all this done on my own."

"Your welcome, you know if Malaysia wasn't so good at keeping Luxx and Mistress in line, I'd keep her up here with you all the time." Sasha and Loosey laughed together at Sasha's response, both knowing that Malaysia was one of the best retail managers in LA. Sasha wished that she could find another seamstress that could match Loosey's talents, and fit in well with the rest of the team. But Loosey never complained about being the only full-time seamstress (or at least never complained directly to Sasha about it).

"Can I talk to you about something, as a friend?" Sasha trusted Loosey enough to drop her professional façade, knowing that her friend was able to give her no-bullshit advice about personal life.

"Of course, is everything okay?" Loosey hung up the last of the dresses, and moved her rolling desk chair closer to where Sasha sat. Sasha took a deep breath, before telling Loosey all about Anetra, and her complicated feelings about the bride-to-be. Sasha never seriously dated, and never caught feelings for someone so fast. Hell, she stopped having one night stands and deleted all her dating apps after a year of moving to LA. She felt that this was a pointless school-girl crush, on a bride that was going to be someone else's wife.

Loosey listened with full intention, nodding keeping soft eye contact with her friend. When Sasha was done pouring out her feelings, Loosey gently put a hand on Sasha's left knee, and said with sincerity "I know these feelings are new and scary for you, but having a crush is completely okay. You know what you like in a person, and it's okay that you see that in her. But Anetra is going to get her happy ending soon, and you deserve that too, one day."

Sasha slowly nodded while soaking in Loosey's words. She was right, and it was exactly what she needed to hear in that moment. "Thank you, you have no idea how good you are at advice."

"No problem. I think for tonight, you need some good food and a damn good drink. Care to join me for Thai food?" Loosey knew what Sasha's favorite foods were, and when she needed to indulge in an act of self-care.

"I would love that, and I need a joint afterwards, too.”

[findingmypeace]

Edit: This post went in a different direction than I anticipated. Please read under the cut ONLY if internalized (meaning only about myself) fat phobia is not a trigger for you.

And I did it. I dissociated while b/ping. I was doing so well with no dissociation earlier. Ugh, so, so frustrating. I will probably spend the next hour cleaning up and getting ready for bed. I hate this part. It's like waking up and suddenly becoming aware of the world around you along with the whirlwind of b/ping.

Also, I'm going to work tomorrow. In-person. That part is not a problem. I do that at least 4 days a week, every week. The problem is I accidentally gave myself a black eye in the most millennial/Gen Z way possible. Laying on my back in bed this morning. I had just sort of woken up and was in and out of sleep. I was holding my cell phone right above my head. Started to fall asleep. Dropped it on my eye. Yep, I got a black eye from my cell phone! Learn from my idiocy, lol.

Finally, I have an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow morning. I am very excited. Yes, I am seeing it as this magic want that will make all the weight I've gained come off. I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism but given some of my other symptoms I feel like something else is going on. My nightmare is that right now it takes me a month to lose X pounds and FOUR days to gain X + 2 pounds with NO change in behaviors. And it goes round and round in a circle for months on end. And this is how I a)ended up at this weight and b)led to such extreme behaviors before res. Behaviorally, if my body wasn't broken, I would have been at very different weight. Because despite those extreme behaviors this is what was happening over and over and over again.

TW: internalized fat phobia and not external

So, endocrinologist, please cure me. Please let me lose weight again. I can't live my life in this body. Why, why, why can't my body lose weight anymore? Like at all. No matter what my behaviors are. I am desperate. I am scared that I'm just going to keep gaining regardless of what I eat or my level of physical activity. Will it ever stop?

After doing my therapy homework I realized that having a thin body is my only sense of self-worth. But I'm gaining weight so fast that "the numbers don't add up" and I must be lying about actually having BED rather than Atypical AN b/p. That hurt. A lot. I'm not saying having BED is lower in the ed hierarchy, ugh! It's that I wasn't believed. And it was all because of my fat body. I'm not exaggerating. I have no doubt that someone in a smaller body would not be told they are denying binge eating behaviors. Who would ever believe that I was once underweight and for a long time? And I can't do anything about where I'm at now. Nothing. I feel trapped and completely out of control. I just want some relief. This is weird to say but I really want something to be wrong so that maybe, just maybe, there is some kind of thing that will once again allow me to control my weight.

I'm really sorry if anyone feels judged by this post. I put it under a cut because this is about my body and no one else. I don't want anyone to feel bad about themselves. I don't see others this way which has always confused me because why can't I say the same for myself? I just hate my body and even more so because nothing I do works to change it and I have repeatedly been on the receiving end of medical fat phobia. It's not my fault! I can't doing anything about it! Someone please listen to me instead of brushing me off with that disgusting, judgemental, fat phobic bullshit! "You look obese. Let's get you a free sample of wegovy." Fuck you! "We just want to help you reach your goals." Sure, that would be great. My goal is X pounds. I might die in the process of getting your help but it's fine. At least I'll be thin." Fuck you times 500. For new followers, yes this did happen. Just before I was almost sent to inpatient but my insurance wouldn't cover it (I'm fat) so I went to residential instead. I hate myself for spewing all this bullshit. It's all a product of my eating disorder and I know it's bullshit. But so is how I've been treated and I can't do anything to change it. I want to so bad but even if I eliminate food and water and survive on air I will still gain weight. Just like I did before treatment.

I'm sorry. I might delete this. It's too much emotion. These are deep, deep inner thoughts that I've been burying for so long and it's finally bubbling over. And I don't want to hurt anyone.

[justaduckarts]

A Look At Next Year

I know that we are literally only halfway through December, but I will be travelling for the holidays to see my family, so I wanted to go ahead and get this sort of technical type post out of the way.

Here you will find details about plans for next year’s projects! 

This includes: Upload schedules, goals, and projects I plan to start next year! :)

Long Post Ahead

Current Projects

Dirty Night Clowns: Uploads every Sunday and Wednesday, chapters generally avg at 4k words (but can be as long as 10k if that’s what the pacing demands). 

One Who Holds A Star (Star Holder AU): Plan to upload at least once a week, I’m thinking Tuesday or Thursday... Maybe Friday. Word count goal? As long as it’s at least 1k we’re gravy. (But we should try for 2-3k)

Help! I’m Trapped In a Fanfiction: This will continue to upload sporadically, as I have to be in a certain mood to write the silly stuff. No word count goal, this project is just something to make myself (and others) laugh.

Project Goals: 

Finish DNC before the summer. Assuming the story doesn’t shift dramatically, I suspect it will end up being right around 50 Chapters. 

Finish Star Holder. I can’t imagine it will take the WHOLE YEAR to write the story. It will probably be pretty long, but I think we can do it. 

Figure out where the hell H!ITIAF! is going...

New Projects: 

Outlining some projects in my drafts/WIPS that I would like to start sharing next year! 

Project: Personal Care Unit: This is an idea I have for a series of shorter fics all set in the same universe. A Personal Care Unit (hereafter referred to as PCU) is an animatronic designated to care for one who needs care. This can be anything from a little extra help around the house to aiding people with disabilities etc. etc. 

Glass Walls and Study Samples: This story actually has 20 chapters already drafted that I wrote in like August but I hit a wall and I want to heavily revise the story before I begin sharing. Here’s the concept: You know how people often write fanfics where the DCAs are strange creatures that Y/N discovers or is studying? Well, what if Y/N was a little space explorer? What if they went to a planet they’d been told had no sentient life? What if that planet DID have sentient life? What if YOU were the strange creature captured for study? What if you fell in love with the scientists that were studying you anyway? :) (This story might contain spice, I’m on the fence)

Pluto Initiative: This is actually something I’ve got a few pages outlined for already. It’s my hope to eventually make a short comic that introduces my DCA OC Pluto! The comic would explore her story as an animatronic learning about things like friendship, love, and what makes a person good or bad. I won’t give away too much, but I will say that the story isn’t a romance and I actually don’t ship Pluto with the boys. Her character arc is very important to me and I hope to portray it well. This comic will probably have some horror elements. :) 

Miscellaneous Goals:

Try to draw one thing a week! This can be related to any of my projects.

Oh my gosh please learn to pace yourself :) 

Finish sewing that Sunny Plush. 

Start the Moom plush :) 

Get caught back up on my fanfic bookmarks so I can shower all my moots and favorite writers with love <3 

Make more fanart for all the incredible AUs and fanfics I’ve read. 

Find people who will just yell with me about the DCA boys (and possibly their OCs and mine) 

Participate in an art/writing event! 

I think that just about covers everything that I have cooking or hope to accomplish. It’s going to be a year. I look forward to next year! Thank you guys so much for all your support and I hope you’ll stick with me for even more in the future!

[penelopecruzcoded]

such a crazy day. woke up at 8, rushed to shove a pee sample cup under bug to get his pee sample, he pooped in the car and that constituted a poop sample too. went to our regular vet's but found out he couldn't really do much for bug there, so we went to the new vet's and left his samples and they took bug's blood. i was internally howling in pain because i was unsure if i should take any painkillers in case my dentist might see me later in the day, my mom was like why are you torturing yourself so i bought some and took it and things were slightly better after that. got home, called the dentist and she had an opening in 2 hours so i ran out again. drove past a literal corpse on the bus on the way there, somebody's grandpa open casket getting pulled out of a hearse. i've been noticing an influx of crows around the place for the past two days too, cawing and cawing as they fly overhead. i don't know if i'm more attentive to them now i finished usher or if they've been doing this all along. either way, i hope neither of these things culminates into some kind of bad omen, given everything. fingers crossed. i waited about an hour at my dentist's waiting room but i didn't even mind since she pencilled me in so last minute. it felt like she fucked my mouth with a chainsaw as usual but the pain is now gone so thank god for the chainsaw fucking. i'll be back next week to finish the procedure, and probably a handful more times cause i've decided to see to my other two cavities/everything that needs to be seen to, low funds be damned. i'll find a way to pay back whoever i'll owe for that too. kinda overdid things in the buying snacks department on the way home but owell, a bitch was stressed. now i've had dinner with the left side of my mouth and watched an otis reddding documentary and all is well. still unsure if bug will get his surgery tomorrow, if not then probably the day after. fingers crossed knock on wood it has no complications whatsoever and he's back on his feet better than before. i've been so on the verge of crying almost every day for the past week, it almost feels like the end to that is near. borderline grateful but i'm just glad it's two hernias and nothing worse.

and it's only thursday, whew.

[cavewretch]

captains log #755680 i don't remember how many numbers i used to put

been a while since i wrote one of these so it's Long

day 355 of the genocide in gaza. 500+ people killed in one day in lebanon. my neighbors put an israel flag in their window. hinds hall 2. i started watching this guy on youtube who does "gaza war sit reps," essentially summarizing events and the resistance's actions. he also does "tankie therapy sessions" with other ml journalists which are helping me keep it together. my mom said i looked down today and i said it's been a rough news week. she asked why. i'm trying not to let the rage and despair and biting indignation seep into my every interaction, but it'll be day 365 soon, and majority of people around me callously keep their heads firmly in the sand. how are you not also fundamentally different? how do you ignore this? aren't you at least ashamed?

no doctors will listen to me about mast cell activation syndrome. i don't almost die when i get a reaction so it doesn't count for them. i fear im getting more sensitive to triggers. i didn't get to go outside much at all this summer because of dust and pollen counts, and we didn't even have many wildfires this year. my pt said i should still do design for theater, and that i fit the vibe. "cool, chill, sure of yourself." that felt nice to hear :3 i tried to explain that i would love to, i desperately want to, but like. i get a migraine from other people's detergents. scented air fresheners force me to leave an area. i can't be in that environment anymore. not to mention my physical limitations.

i miss stimulants. pharmacies love to make you do a little dance before u can get meds. i hate being Dependent.

i can feel myself spinning out a bit on photosynth. i feel like i need to have something new every week to show to my professor, when i used to sometimes not even have a new note or idea for two months at a time. i think i need to turn the creative soil but i don't know that i have the energy for it.

i told my dad im a communist, and his first reaction was to tell me to talk to my grandfather about "living under communism" (former yugoslavia) (he left in the early 60s tho. and he lived on an island. his village has 6 houses to this day. he did not see socialism. i digress). this was a fascinating response considering my grandfather disowned my father in a fit of rage in april. do you still not think your father might be wrong about some things?

anyway. we bickered for a half hour, and the next day he informed me he downloaded the communist manifesto. probably the last thing i expected to happen but i'll report back if he actually reads it lmfao.

i've been watching a lot of documentaries on natural disasters and storm chaser videos on youtube recently. i've always had a fascination with extreme weather but i'm watching a lot lately. if you'll allow me to psychoanalyze myself. it's awe with weather and how the earth works. it's also a reminder that the world is bigger than humanity, we're part of an ecosystem. it's also a reminder that not all damage comes from us to each other . and that we can't possibly control everything. and it's nice to see people help each other. idk. it feels a bit twisted. but isn't it incredible that wind and temperature and water can mix up and spin and do all that?

writing about lesbians is very difficult. writing about lesbians under the (albeit lax) supervision of an older man in a position of authority over me is even more difficult. every time i feel the horror in the pit of my stomach i remind myself of that tweet that was like u have to write for u & ur dick (something like that) . and it actually Isn't perverse and evil . it's actually fine. (gritting my teeth)

ok thats all i got for now . disjointed wretched brain sample . good night 🤙

[capyquest-logs]

Week 2 Plan: 8/25 - 8/31

Before I begin, let me explain: It's week 2 of classes. That's why there was no Week 1 post, and I'm starting with Week 2. Maybe Week 1 was the friends we made along the way.

Main focus: Concept art and project setup

This week is really forming a more concrete idea about the style of the game, both visually and mood-wise. I already have a pretty clear image in my head, but some concept art will confirm it and help me decide on some stylistic choices.

I actually already got started! I made a chart comparing art styles and proportions (seen below) since I couldn't decide on my own.

I did have some preferences (I really liked C2, B4, and C4 personally) but I wanted some extra input. So, I made a Google form and sent it to my friends for their opinions. The results say:

Looks like the A row wasn't a fan favorite, which I expected. There's a three-way tie for second place! Seems styles 2 and 4 were most popular, and C4 won by a single vote (it was a small sample size but I'm working with what I have!) I do have a bit more input though. When asked specifically about which style was the best, in which they could only pick their top favorite option, my friends said style 2 was preferred.

I'm actually pretty glad about that! I was leaning that way anyways. I think it matches my idea of the environment better. The dark outlines of option 4 could throw off the visual balance. Plus, styles 3 and 4 were based on this post from Reddit, and I don't want to steal another artist's style (same animal and everything! It felt too much like copying.)

When asked about proportions, however, it was a bit closer.

I liked both B and C, but personally, I agree with the poll. I do plan on making multiple models with tweaked features for some personality and variety, so I'll probably make some of the characters a little closer to B, but most will be based on C.

Well, I don't have to worry about this too much until weeks 7 and 8! I'm working on the environment first, so I might be able to get a wider sample size on this form by that point. Guess we'll just have to wait and see!

Enough about that though, let's move on to some Week 2 deliverables:

Environment concept art (3 or 4 pieces)

At least one top-view map concept

Blocked out 3D "sketch" (If I have time, I'd like to throw it into UE5 to see what walking around the area feels like)

Set up a new UE5 file for this project

Set up RTVs

Build my first landscape material

Let's get to it!