#will is stable and steadfast

[alfascorpiionux]

The meaning of chart patterns in astrology

Seesaw pattern: it feels like these natives are constantly being pulled in two different directions in their lives, reflected by the planets situated on the opposing ends of the astrological wheel, forming two clusters. This may lead to feeling disoriented and/or maybe attracting situations where the natives’ real values are being called into question.

Their life is characterised by duality, sometimes expressing the energies of one planetary cluster, and other times behaving unexpectedly or in a contradictory fashion (when the energy of the other cluster is being expressed).

You may also find that you identify more with one “end” of the seesaw and have the tendency to deny/reject the other part of yourself that you find less desirable.

Relationships likely mean a great deal to you and it’s only in relationships that you feel truly complete and balanced. You may be unconsciously seeking the very same energy in other people that you deny within yourself.

It’s important: to accept that there are contradictory sides to your personality and integrate them as best as you can. Aim to achieve balance. Some people may find it weird. But this is what it means to be you. And if you learn how to properly utilise your gifts, you’ll be able to accomplish absolutely extraordinary things! Look at Robert Downey Jr. and Frank Sinatra’s charts for inspiration🫶

Bowl pattern: these people have solid values, are stable and probably have a good grasp of their weaknesses. There may be a reluctance to get out of their comfort zone and they may always feel like “something” is missing from their life (the other half of the wheel). They will be looking for that special half that makes them feel complete.

They aren’t dual or contradictory like the see-saw or splay people, but rather constant and they have specific talents and attributes that are reflected in the houses their planets fall into and.

They may not be as flexible or open to change as other patterns. They are focused, resilient and self-contained typically. There may be a need to develop certain qualities that they miss.

Depending on which side of the wheel is occupied, it manifests differently in the native’s life. If the upper half is occupied: there is more focus on external activities: social gatherings, public image etc. If the lower half of the wheel is occupied, the emphasis will be on the family, home, closer relationships, the self. If the planets fall on the right side of the wheel, the person will be easier to influence, and personal relationships will be quintessential to the native’s well-being. And finally if the planets are all on the left side of the wheel, the person will be enterprising, self-motivated and with a strong direction in their life.

Special attention should be given to the leading planet, that is to say the first one that is situated counterclockwise starting from the empty space.

Dominik Cruz and Ella Fitzgerald had this chart pattern.

Locomotive pattern: these people are independent and self-starters. They have a thinking of their own and often may feel misunderstood. Their ideas are ahead of their time usually. They can be motivational and quite stubborn. They are ambitious and steadfast people who have quite a few interests. Their focus is not as narrow as with bundle type. They are energetic people who want to improve the world around them and may feel a constant sense of “emptiness”, as though something is missing in their life.

It’s important to look at the first planet that rises clockwise starting from the empty space. It will significantly influence the native’s life.

George Washington and Isaac Newton had this chart pattern.

Bundle pattern: the native’s focus is oriented in limited, very specific areas of their life, in detriment to other important areas. They are very focused and driven people who usually become proeficient, real masters in whatever activity/job they have chosen for themselves.

There could be a tendency to be narrow-minded, rigid or unusually ignorant in areas outside of their interest range with this pattern however. Obsessive thoughts and behaviours are also possible. It’s an excellent chart type for a professional athlete, politician or car mechanic for example, depending on the houses and signs.

These people are passionate, unique, strongly hold onto their identities and are relentless when pursuing their chosen goal. They might feel like “something” is missing in their life and they need someone who teaches them to think outside the box and help them develop their weaker energies in their chart.

Harrison Ford and Sylvester Stallone had this chart pattern.

Splay pattern: these people are incredibly talented and have lots of potential. Their interests are in 3-4 areas and they may sometimes find it difficult to concentrate as their attention is quite divided. They are individualistic, inquisitive and open-minded people who have the potential to achieve great things if they “pull themselves together”. Their talents could be unrelated to one another and they may fight it hard to integrate their strengths into something concrete/tangible.

Some call this chart pattern the tripod.

These natives definitely march to the rhythm of their own drums. They are adaptable people who make interesting conversation partners.

They don’t like strict schedules or being atunci into routine for too long.

The aim should be on correctly distributing their focus so that they properly develop their talents and live up to their potential.

Franklin Roosevelt and Sandra Bullock had/have this chart pattern.

Splash pattern: these people’s talents are incredibly diverse. They are open-minded, inquisitive, curious people. They enjoy exploring different ideas, activities. The love new things and probably have lots of hobbies and interests. Choosing one career option is probably very difficult for them. They don’t like to focus on one single activity for too long, contrary to bundle pattern people. Their attention is very divided. They can be forgetful at times.

They likely have mercurial qualities and can easily adapt to almost any situation. They make very flexible people.

They can be quite confused especially during their youth or feel like they can’t find their direction in life. There is a desire for self-reflection and independence inherent within this placement. Many famous thinkers such as Carl Jung and Firjof Capra had this chart pattern.

They may have trouble focusing or be scattered due to which they never develop any of their talents deeply and fully. Their outlook on life is broad and brain-oriented.

Bucket pattern: these people are ambitious, enterprising, passionate, self-contained; they pursue their goals in a realistic fashion. It’s important to look at the planet that plays the role of the handle as it will play an important role in the natives’s life (the sign and house, major aspects).

They want to be recognised for their talents and be part of society in some way; they likely focus their attention in a single direction when trying to achieve their goals. The “handle” signifies the area of their life where they invest most of their energy or where they seek satisfaction.

They could be predisposed to conflict or do their best to avoid it.

Their challenge is learning to manage the energy of the “handle.”

Like with the bowl pattern they could at times feel like something is missing in their life.

Will Smith and Prince Charles have this chart pattern.

[pearlprincess02]

moon signs and your mommy issues

aries moon

as an aries moon, your mom likely sees you as a fiercely independent and bold individual, someone who thrives on challenges and isn't afraid to stand up for yourself. she might admire your strength but also feel frustrated by your impulsive nature and desire for autonomy, sometimes leading to clashes. this dynamic can create a push-pull effect, where you crave her approval yet resist her control, sparking deep-seated mommy issues. you might struggle with feeling misunderstood or unsupported emotionally, leading to a strong desire to prove yourself.

taurus moon

with a taurus moon, your mom likely views you as a stable, reliable presence who brings comfort and security to her life. she probably appreciates your grounded nature and the way you create a sense of peace and routine in your relationship. however, this steadfastness might sometimes lead to her perceiving you as resistant to change or overly focused on material stability, causing friction. you may struggle with feeling that your emotional needs aren't fully recognized or that you're expected to always be the rock, leading to unresolved mommy issues surrounding your self-worth and independence.

gemini moon

as a gemini moon, your mom likely sees you as intellectually curious and highly communicative, with a knack for keeping things lively and engaging. she probably values your quick wit and adaptability but might struggle with your tendency to be changeable or emotionally detached. this can lead to her perceiving you as unreliable or inconsistent, which could create tension in your relationship. your mommy issues may revolve around feeling misunderstood or neglected emotionally, as you might have a hard time balancing your need for emotional depth with your natural inclination toward mental stimulation and variety.

cancer moon

with a cancer moon, your mom likely sees you as deeply nurturing and emotionally sensitive, someone who provides a comforting and caring presence. she probably appreciates your intuitive understanding and ability to create a sense of home. however, your intense emotional needs and occasional mood swings might challenge her, leading to misunderstandings or feelings of being overwhelmed. this dynamic can result in mommy issues related to feeling either overly protected or inadequately supported, as you navigate the balance between your vulnerability and your desire for emotional security.

leo moon

as a leo moon, your mom likely sees you as a vibrant, confident individual who brings warmth and joy into her life. she probably admires your strong sense of self and creative flair, celebrating your ability to shine and seek attention. however, she might struggle with your need for validation and occasional dramatic tendencies, leading to occasional clashes. this dynamic can result in mommy issues related to feeling either overly praised or inadequately acknowledged, as you grapple with balancing your need for recognition with your desire for genuine emotional connection.

virgo moon

with a virgo moon, your mom likely views you as meticulous and reliable, someone who excels in problem-solving and offers practical support. she probably appreciates your attention to detail and your ability to maintain order, valuing your helpful and service-oriented nature. however, she might also feel that your critical eye or perfectionist tendencies create distance, leading to misunderstandings. this dynamic can spark mommy issues around feeling either overly scrutinized or undervalued, as you navigate the balance between your desire for approval and your need for emotional reassurance.

libra moon

as a libra moon, your mom likely sees you as a harmonious and charming individual who values balance and fairness in relationships. she probably admires your diplomatic nature and your ability to bring people together. however, she might struggle with your tendency to avoid conflict or make decisions based on others' expectations, leading to moments of frustration. this dynamic can result in mommy issues related to feeling either excessively pressured to maintain harmony or disconnected from your own needs, as you try to navigate your desire for peace and acceptance.

scorpio moon

with a scorpio moon, your mom likely sees you as intensely passionate and deeply intuitive, someone who isn't afraid to explore the depths of emotions. she probably respects your strength and resilience but may also find your emotional intensity and need for privacy challenging to navigate. this can lead to her feeling uncertain about how to connect with you or support you fully. your mommy issues might revolve around feeling misunderstood or overly controlled, as you struggle to balance your profound emotional depth with a desire for independence and acceptance.

sagittarius moon

as a sagittarius moon, your mom likely sees you as adventurous and optimistic, always eager to explore new ideas and experiences. she probably admires your enthusiasm and your ability to bring a sense of freedom and excitement into her life. however, she might find your restlessness and tendency to avoid routine challenging, leading to occasional frustration. this dynamic can create mommy issues related to feeling either misunderstood or unsupported, as you navigate the balance between your need for independence and your desire for emotional stability and understanding.

capricorn moon

with a capricorn moon, your mom likely views you as disciplined and responsible, someone who approaches life with a serious and practical mindset. she probably admires your ability to handle challenges with determination and to set high standards for yourself. however, she might find your emotional reserve and tendency to prioritize work over personal connection challenging, leading to occasional feelings of distance. this dynamic can result in mommy issues related to feeling either overly pressured to meet expectations or emotionally unsupported, as you strive to balance your need for achievement with your desire for genuine emotional closeness.

aquarius moon

as an aquarius moon, your mom likely sees you as innovative and unconventional, someone who brings a unique perspective and a strong sense of individuality to her life. she probably appreciates your open-mindedness and your ability to think outside the box. however, she might struggle with your emotional detachment or tendency to prioritize intellectual pursuits over personal connections, leading to occasional misunderstandings. this dynamic can create mommy issues related to feeling either disconnected or inadequately understood, as you balance your need for independence with your desire for emotional intimacy.

pisces moon

with a pisces moon, your mom likely views you as deeply empathetic and imaginative, someone who brings a sense of compassion and dreaminess to her life. she probably admires your ability to intuitively connect with others and your creative spirit. however, she might find your emotional sensitivity and tendency to escape into fantasy challenging, leading to moments of confusion or frustration. this dynamic can create mommy issues related to feeling either overwhelmed by emotional demands or misunderstood, as you navigate the balance between your need for emotional depth and your desire for personal space and clarity.

in houses

moon in 1st house: emotional sensitivity, attachment style, nurturing vs. overprotective, identity formation, self-image conflict, dependency issues, maternal influence, emotional outbursts, rebellion, unmet needs, boundary struggles, validation seeking, trauma response, independence vs. clinginess, healing wounds, emotional intensity, identity crisis, parental expectations, self-discovery journey, emotional healing

moon in 2nd house: self-worth issues, security needs, material comfort, emotional value, dependency on stability, financial anxiety, nurturing needs, self-esteem struggles, attachment to possessions, parental influence on values, validation through achievement, emotional resourcefulness, boundaries & control, trauma bonding, self-sufficiency vs. dependency, emotional insecurity, comfort seeking, trust issues, parental expectations on success, healing from financial stress

moon in 3rd house: communication struggles, emotional expression, sibling dynamics, parental communication styles, intellectual nurturing, mental health challenges, dependency on approval, emotional sharing, verbal disputes, learning from trauma, emotional conflicts, social anxiety, childhood conversations, cognitive dissonance, emotional intellect, family narratives, overthinking issues, memory & trauma, influence of siblings, validation through words

moon in 4th house: home life dynamics, emotional foundations, parental influence, childhood memories, family secrets, dependency on family, nurturing vs. neglect, security needs, emotional root issues, domestic conflicts, trauma in the home, parental expectations, unresolved family issues, emotional legacy, sense of belonging, domestic stability, ancestral patterns, attachment to home, emotional vulnerability, healing family trauma

moon in 5th house: creative expression, emotional validation, parental approval, self-esteem through creativity, nurturing through play, childhood joy vs. trauma, validation through performance, emotional drama, need for attention, unfulfilled desires, emotional risk-taking, parent-child bonding, playfulness vs. seriousness, self-worth through achievement, trauma & self-expression, emotional need for fun, artistic healing, parental expectations of success, romanticized childhood, emotional ups and downs

moon in 6th house: daily routine struggles, emotional workaholism, nurturing through service, parental influence on work ethic, health anxiety, perfectionism, self-care challenges, emotional responsibility, dependency on routine, workplace conflicts, trauma & health issues, emotional self-criticism, parental expectations of productivity, overwork & burnout, healing through work, emotional patterns in daily life, service as a coping mechanism, routine vs. emotional needs, emotional resilience, trauma impact on daily functioning

moon in 7th house: relationship dynamics, emotional dependency, partner validation, nurturing through relationships, conflict in partnerships, trauma bonding, seeking emotional security, marriage & emotional needs, projection onto partners, intimacy issues, partnership expectations, healing through relationships, relationship patterns, fear of abandonment, emotional compromise, idealizing partners, codependency, emotional balance in relationships, trauma & partnership conflicts, influence of parental relationship models

moon in 8th house: emotional intensity, deep-seated trauma, dependency on transformation, parental influence on power dynamics, fear of vulnerability, control issues, unresolved emotional wounds, intimacy & boundaries, psychological depth, emotional secrets, healing through crisis, power struggles, transformative relationships, dependency on emotional security, fear of abandonment, financial & emotional ties, inherited trauma, emotional rebirth, shadow work, trauma & control

moon in 9th house: emotional beliefs, search for meaning, dependency on ideals, parental influence on worldview, long-distance emotional connections, idealization of knowledge, trauma & belief systems, need for emotional freedom, struggles with expansion, educational trauma, emotional exploration, influence of culture, spiritual nurturing, unmet aspirations, emotional journeys, freedom vs. security, parental expectations on success, emotional disconnect from beliefs, trauma & philosophical views, healing through Exploration

moon in 10th house: public image, parental expectations, emotional career ambitions, authority figures, professional validation, parental influence on success, emotional responsibility, need for recognition, career-related trauma, authority struggles, emotional control issues, public vs. private self, ambition & emotional needs, professional identity conflicts, pressure to achieve, emotional legacy, work-life balance, healing through achievement, parental approval & success, emotional fulfillment in career

moon in 11th house: social connections, emotional needs in friendships, group dynamics, parental influence on social life, idealization of groups, dependency on social validation, trauma in social settings, emotional freedom through friendships, community support, emotional rejection, influence of peers, healing through social networks, expectations of social roles, loneliness vs. belonging, emotional impact of group activities, unfulfilled social aspirations, social security needs, trauma & group dynamics, friendships as emotional refuge, parental influence on social values

moon in 12th house: emotional isolation, unconscious patterns, hidden trauma, parental influence on subconscious, emotional retreat, self-sabotage, healing through solitude, dependency on solitude, repressed emotions, isolation vs. connection, spiritual nurturing, parental secrets, trauma & spiritual growth, emotional boundaries, unresolved past wounds, emotional escape, inner conflict, influence of dreams, emotional vulnerability in seclusion, healing through reflection

all observations are done by me !!! @pearlprincess02

[tom4jc]

Psalm 108:1 A Steadfast Heart

O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and give praise, even with my glory. Psalm 108:1 The desires of most people change on a regular basis. What is their greatest desire changes tomorrow. Businesses, movies, music all rely upon this in trying to get people to purchase and do more things. There are very things that most people are locked down upon as being a part of their desires to the…

[phoenixrisingastro]

Venus in the Signs: The Many Faces of Love and Desire

Venus isn’t just about love—it’s about what you value, how you attract, how you express affection, and the energy you exude in relationships. Venus shows your approach to beauty, harmony, and desire, but it also reveals your insecurities, what you long for, and the ways you might sabotage your own heart. Let’s explore Venus in all 12 signs, digging into how it manifests in general, in men, and in women.

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Venus in Aries ♈

The Flame That Burns Fast and Bright

General: Passionate, direct, and unafraid to take risks, Venus in Aries loves with their whole heart... but sometimes it feels like they’re chasing a thrill more than a connection. Relationships need to stay exciting and dynamic, or they’ll quickly lose interest. Their love is like a match—intense and fiery but easily extinguished if they’re not challenged.

In Men: These men are drawn to confident, assertive partners who exude independence. They love the idea of the “chase,” but once the initial excitement fades, they may struggle to settle down. Their love language is bold action—they’ll show they care by going out of their way to impress you.

In Women: Venus in Aries women are magnetic, with a fiery charisma that draws people in. They’re fiercely independent and love to take the lead in relationships, but they secretly crave someone who can match their passion and energy.

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Venus in Taurus ♉

The Lover Who Grounds You

General: Sensual and steadfast, Venus in Taurus values stability, comfort, and physical connection. They love the finer things in life—good food, soft fabrics, and romantic evenings. Once they commit, they’re all in, but they can also be possessive or slow to adapt to change.

In Men: These men want someone who makes them feel safe and secure. They’re attracted to classic beauty and timeless elegance, and they’ll take their time to court a partner. Their love is expressed through touch, gifts, and creating a stable home environment.

In Women: Venus in Taurus women embody sensuality. They’re drawn to partners who offer emotional and financial security. They express love through nurturing acts—cooking, creating a cozy home, or indulging their partner’s senses.

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Venus in Gemini ♊

The Butterfly of the Zodiac

General: Playful and curious, Venus in Gemini loves variety and mental stimulation. They’re flirty and charming, often forming connections through humor and conversation. However, their love can feel scattered—they’re drawn to newness and may struggle to fully commit.

In Men: These men are intrigued by intelligence and wit. They’re more likely to fall in love with someone’s mind than their physical appearance. They show affection through words, jokes, and lighthearted banter, but they can be hard to pin down emotionally.

In Women: Venus in Gemini women are social butterflies. They’re dynamic, fun, and full of surprises, which makes them captivating to others. They need a partner who can keep things interesting and doesn’t weigh them down emotionally.

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Venus in Cancer ♋

The Protector of the Heart

General: Venus in Cancer seeks emotional depth and connection. They love in a nurturing, almost parental way, creating a safe haven for their partners. However, their love can also be tinged with insecurity or possessiveness if they feel unappreciated.

In Men: These men are drawn to emotionally warm, family-oriented partners. They tend to take on a protective role in relationships, showing love through acts of service and emotional support.

In Women: Venus in Cancer women are deeply intuitive and maternal. They express love by taking care of their partners—whether it’s cooking a meal, offering a listening ear, or providing emotional reassurance.

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Venus in Leo ♌

The Queen of the Zodiac

General: Venus in Leo loves to shine, and they need a partner who will celebrate their brilliance. They’re loyal and generous but also expect to be adored in return. Their love is grand, dramatic, and deeply passionate.

In Men: These men are attracted to partners who are confident, glamorous, and slightly unattainable. They show love through grand gestures and want their partner to reflect their own sense of pride.

In Women: Venus in Leo women are radiant and magnetic. They crave attention and admiration but also give back twice as much love. They thrive in relationships where they feel cherished and celebrated.

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Venus in Virgo ♍

Love in the Details

General: Practical and devoted, Venus in Virgo expresses love through small acts of care. They’re not flashy in their affections but are deeply loyal and thoughtful. Their love can feel critical at times, as they often have high standards for themselves and others.

In Men: These men are drawn to grounded, intelligent partners. They express love by solving problems, offering advice, or helping their partner improve their life.

In Women: Venus in Virgo women are understated but deeply caring. They show love through service—whether it’s remembering your favorite coffee order or helping you organize your life.

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Venus in Libra ♎

The Artist of Love

General: Venus in Libra is graceful, diplomatic, and deeply attuned to the art of connection. They thrive in harmonious relationships and are drawn to beauty, elegance, and mutual respect. However, they can be indecisive or overly concerned with pleasing others, sometimes losing their own sense of self in the process.

In Men: These men are drawn to partners who embody charm, style, and sophistication. They love romance and the art of seduction but need to work on balancing their desire to be liked with their own emotional needs.

In Women: Venus in Libra women are enchanting and magnetic, with a natural ability to attract attention effortlessly. They value balanced partnerships and love when their partner matches their taste for refinement and class.

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Venus in Scorpio ♏

The Alchemist of Love

General: Venus in Scorpio loves with an intensity that’s almost otherworldly. They crave emotional and physical depth in relationships and aren’t afraid to dive into the darker aspects of love. Their love transforms both them and their partners.

In Men: These men are attracted to mysterious, passionate partners. They demand absolute loyalty and are drawn to relationships that feel fated or karmic.

In Women: Venus in Scorpio women exude magnetism and depth. They desire transformative love and won’t settle for anything shallow.

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Venus in Sagittarius ♐

The Adventurer of Love

General: Venus in Sagittarius craves freedom and adventure. They view love as an opportunity for exploration, growth, and fun. They value honesty and philosophical conversations in their relationships.

In Men: These men are drawn to partners who share their love of adventure and optimism. They value honesty and can’t stand feeling tied down.

In Women: Venus in Sagittarius women are fun, open-minded, and always looking for something new. They need partners who share their enthusiasm for life and are willing to grow with them.

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Venus in Capricorn ♑

The Builder of Love

General: Venus in Capricorn is steady, reliable, and values long-term commitment. They see love as something to be built over time. Though reserved, their love is enduring and deeply loyal.

In Men: These men are drawn to ambitious, mature partners who have clear goals. They express love through acts of stability and support.

In Women: Venus in Capricorn women are elegant and understated. They seek partners who respect their independence and share their drive for success.

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Venus in Aquarius ♒

The Visionary of Love

General: Venus in Aquarius values independence and intellectual connection. They’re unconventional in their approach to love, often drawn to relationships that break traditional molds.

In Men: These men are drawn to unique, eccentric partners who challenge societal norms. They need a mental connection above all else.

In Women: Venus in Aquarius women are free-spirited and magnetic. They attract partners with their progressive ideas and enigmatic charm.

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Venus in Pisces ♓

The Dreamer of the Zodiac

General: Romantic, empathetic, and deeply intuitive, Venus in Pisces seeks a spiritual connection in love. They see the beauty in everyone but can sometimes lose themselves in relationships.

In Men: They’re drawn to gentle, artistic, and emotionally available partners. Their love is almost otherworldly, expressed through creativity and compassion.

In Women: Venus in Pisces women are dreamlike and alluring. They’re drawn to partners who inspire their creativity and share their deep emotional sensitivity.

[sun-snatcher]

Your take of Círdan being an old man who enjoys pestering people is my absolute fave bc yeah if I was the oldest elf alive I'd be a little shit half the time too for funzies

( credits to the lovely @peregrintook for this beautiful gifset ! )

✵ — WATER-DAMAGED!

summ.  Elrond arrives at Círdan’s workshop. He finds his heart instead. or:  The Herald and the Artisan fall in love. pairing.  elrond peredhel / f!reader  w.count.  1.2k (a lil baby!) a/n.  set in s2e1, friends-to-lovers kinda , fluff galore , mutual pining , Círdan being a thirdwheel (but highkey enjoying it because he’s a little shit like that)

       YOU’RE QUICK TO attempt to bundle Elrond up like a child when he’d arrived. 

Frantic, almost, at the sight of Lindon’s renowned Herald— drenched to the bone, head-to-toe, and dripping river water from his mess of curls, leaving puddles and a wet track wherever he went on the stone of the workshop.

“He’s not here yet,” is what you’d said, when he’d urged you for Master Círdan. The shipwright had gone off to appraise proper timber for the frames of the vessels prepared for Valinor, now that High King Gil-Galad has decreed preparations to set sail. 

“But he should return by nightfall, latest. So will you please sit down, Elr—”

“I cannot,” he overrides, wholly unconvincing through the chatter of his teeth. “You’ll be at risk if I stay.”

You blink. “…From who?”

“I—”

In the distance, a horse whinnies. 

Elrond tenses instantly.

“…Are you— hiding?” you realise, as he springs to his feet to make headway for the sidedoors. “Elrond, wait!”

“Thank you, truly, for your kindness, but I cannot allow the King’s Guard—”

“That was just Silef,” you say incredulously, muscling the door back shut and stubbornly standing in his way. “My mare, remember? From the stables just uphill?” 

A pause. 

He listens with pricked ears: gates of a stable door squeaking; hooves clopping from paddock ground onto pasture grass; the sound of grain and feed being chewed on, after a moment's pass. A notable absence of marching Elven armour and feet stamping its way downhill towards him. 

Just Silef. You’re right. He’d been paranoid. 

“Á quildessë, Elrond,” comes your quiet voice, gentler now as you chase to meet his anxious gaze. “I will make sure no one comes into this workshop, unless it’s Master Círdan himself,” you assure, resting your hands on his forearms. “Just please, sit down. You’re shaking.” 

…He is. He hadn’t even realised. 

It might have been adrenaline, or the bite of the cold from wind and water— but he’s trembling, nonetheless, like a leaf. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, much, much later, when you’d stoked the coals of the workshop hearth to life, and set him upon a wooden seat beside it.

From the open foyer of the atelier, the sea-reflected hues of the setting sun does little to hide the tentative worry in your features. Your voice is as gentle as the lap of tidewater. “There’s nothing to apologise for.”

“I shouldn’t have… barged in.” 

I shouldn’t have involved you in the first place, and put you at risk for treason for harboring a dissenter.

The firelight paints your face in soft, flickering licks of ochre as you tenderly dry off the dampness in his hair, the water trickling down his face. “You were afraid,” you reason generously.

(You don’t tell him that he looks adorably… pitiful. With eyes like that of a kicked puppy, almost. Even worse that he looks half-drowned.)

Elrond doesn’t argue. You’ve always been a kind friend to him. So, so kind. Ever-ready and steadfast to extend an olive branch, impervious to tactlessness, or even offence, from the sheer tenacity of your patience. Elrond has always admired you for it. Elrond has always—

Liked you. Cared. Loved.

(Too much to allow himself to let you get caught in this tangle he’s been forced into.)

He lays a hand over yours, and you pause mid-wipe of a droplet down his lined jaw. His eyes are shut briefly, as if falling into the comfort of your touch— candid indulgence. It makes your heart stutter.

That you’re allowed a quiet moment to admire him this close, so much so you can see the rings of sundering blue in his eyes; or to touch him this affectionately, so much so you could feel the very change of temperature on his skin— 

You think you’ve been blessed with a handsome vision by the Valar themselves.

“You must be curious,” he says, voice a low murmur. His palm swallows yours entirely. His fingers are warm by now. (You shouldn’t notice such details— but you do. You’re an artisan, after all. Or perhaps hopeless romantic is a better suited term?) “But this is beyond even me.”

He slides your hand down, much to your dismay, and uncurls the pouch he’s been clutching onto since he arrived. Now that it’s infront of you, there’s a pull to it you can’t quite understand.

You reach, almost too keenly— 

—but you close his fingers around it instead.

If Elrond had shown any surprise, you didn’t notice. 

“Must be why you’ve sought out Master Círdan,” you muse, looking up at him. “If it’s beyond you, it’s most certainly beyond me, a mere shipwright’s apprentice.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” Elrond adds quickly, realising how he must have come across. 

“I know,” you laugh, before he can take off into a tangent. (It’s bright and musical to Elrond’s ears— thinks if he could drown in its sound, he would have done so willingly.) “You forget I know you.”

Not entirely, he doesn’t say. You don’t know how much my heart sings to be near you. How much your presence— or the very thought of you, even— have always brought comfort to me. 

You don’t know how much I’ve been resisting the urge to kiss you since you first sat me down by the fire.

He feels a little smile coming, the kind he couldn’t help, that would light his whole face whenever he cast his gaze on you. “You do, don’t you?” he whispers, voice sinking into something almost— nostalgic, at the sudden unravelling of old memories shared with you throughout the age.

“Well, when it comes to Kingdom politicians…” you shrug teasingly. “As much as I’m allowed to be privy to.”

He barely laughs, too busy looking at you with rapt, reverent attention. It curls a timidness in your heart. “You are allowed all of me. Always.”

Something takes wing in your chest. Butterflies, maybe. Doves taking flight in your ribcage. 

As are you, to me.

At least, that's what you would’ve said, had your ears not caught the distant clop of hooves headed downwind towards the river edge. “Master Círdan is here,” you say instead, diverted. You recognise the huff of his steed anywhere.

You watch Elrond perk up and tune into the approach: the rustle of saddle and stirrups, the shuffle of robes and footsteps. When the doors squeak open and shut, the Kingdom’s shipwright finds the Kingdom’s herald standing in the heart of his own workshop.

“Elrond,” he says, by way of greeting. There’s naught a hint of surprise in his voice— Círdan had felt a call louder than the sea long before he’d arrived, and now he can understand it’s carried in the herald’s charge. “Have you come to seek a certain apprentice of mine?” he asks, regardless.

It’s playful. Knowing.

“He seeks you, Master Círdan,” you answer politely, rounding from the corner where you’d grabbed your spare pelerine cloak to pass to Elrond. “Here, to keep warm.”

“Thank you.”

You bow your head to them both. “I shall be at the lighthouse just across.”

Your fingertips brush against Elrond’s hand as you leave. It tarries; merely a millisecond— enough, however, for Círdan’s keen eyes to catch— before he watches you depart through the sidedoors to give them the privacy they needed. 

Elrond's hand flexes reflexively. Longingly.

A beat passes.

“…Are you sure it is still me you seek?” Círdan muses, brows shot to his hairline.

The tips of Elrond’s ears burn. 

[lorelune]

cicatrix

|| jing yuan x reader || E/18+ || hurt/comfort, cathartic smut || wc: 21.5k  || ao3 ||

Both you and Jing Yuan are known to put well-being aside for the sake of others. You reckon with it.

minors, antis and ageless blogs dni

notes: i've been COOKING!!!! please enjoy this very cathartic, gooey oneshot 😩💕!!!!! jing yuan is so beloved and getting to chew on him and his character makes me wanna roll around and scream (positive). thank you so much to bee (@suguwu) for talking this piece out w me each step of the way and andy (@andypantsx3) for a so helpful final read through 🥺🩷 read and enjoy loves!!!

CW: reader is referred to with they/them pronouns and afab anatomy, author-created lore & worldbuilding, reader visibly loses weight due to bodily stress, general talk of weight and bodies, reference to pain during intimacy, a single pregnancy joke made entirely in jest

“You should go see him.”

This is not the first time Diviner Fu has told you this. It’s actually the third time. It’s her third time attempting to have this particular conversation with you, one which you are becoming increasingly adept at parrying around. 

“Who?” You lie. You already know who.

“The General?” Fu Xuan sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “He’s awake, you know. Barely. But he has asked for you. Both while he was mostly unconscious and since he’s regained his lucidity. Go see him.”

“I’ll pass.” You shift on your knees with a heavy thump. Bone on metal. “Besides, can’t you, of all people, see I am hard at work here? I don’t exactly have the time for personal visits at the moment.”

That is not a lie. That is a steadfast truth. One both you and Fu Xuan, as the Master Calibrator and the Master Diviner respectively, fully understand.

Fu Xuan has sought you out deep within the Luofu’s inner structure. Far below the sprawl of metal-plated cities and neighborhoods, are the catacomb intestines you’ve been toiling in for... sometime now. Since whenever the Lord Ravager harnessed the Arbor, and the roots of a dead tree powered by an Aeon mutilated the Luofu’s most delicate innards. Innards you need to fix, rather than having frustrating conversations with Lady Fu.

You tap around on the interface on your wrist-bound jade abacus and curse. Your fingers are newly calloused, irritated at the tips from all of the poking and prodding you’ve had to do. You dip your hands into one of the opened buckets fastened to your belt, pulling forth when you’re sticky with iridescent sludge that slowly drips down your wrist like thick syrup. 

Returning to the utility panel you were previously working on before being interrupted, you tinker with a few of its delicate dials. All thrown off by the overabundance of... Abundance and the physical impact of the roots growth, deeper in the Luofu’s structure. You concentrate and thread quantum with the sap on your hands, trying to coax the machines into a more stable stasis. 

“At least consider it.” Fu Xuan says. Technically, she could order you, as she is on some administrative level, your superior and (from what you last heard) the acting General of the Luofu while the Divine Foresight has been indisposed. And yet, she does not force you. 

“Fine. I’ll consider it— if and when the Luofu is running diagnostic assessments with an average above fourty.”

“That’s— somewhat agreeable. But, I do think you’re being entirely—”

“Foolish?” You interrupt her with a laugh.

“Childish.” Fu Xuan taps her foot. The sound bounces around the narrow passageway, rattling into your skull. “Can the two of you not talk like adults and settle things?”

“I’m not sure what there is to ‘settle’ with him, Lady Fu.” You twitch your index and pinky finger at the same time. The internals sing, a hymn you know, the chord is a step or two too low— fucker. “He did something supremely stupid, and I am working.”

“That’s an obtuse way to look at things, and you know it.”

“In what way?” You crack open your eyes. You hadn’t realized you’d shut them. You’re sure they’re bloodshot. “What do you think about the General’s actions in subduing the Lord Ravager, Lady Fu?”

“I do believe he was reckless— as reckless as that man allows himself to be.” Fu Xuan has clearly thought about this before. Frustration pinches in her voice. “But it was not without the results.”

“So calculated recklessness is fine if, in the worst case, you end up as the Luofu’s next Arbiter General?”

“You’re putting words in my mouth.”

“I am.” You say, sighing. Anger prickles under your skin. This is all easier to deal with (read: ignore) if you focus on the ship and its internals. Its stupid, destroyed, obliterated internals. “I apologize.”

“When was the last time you slept?” Fu Xuan asks.

“... Yesterday? Probably?” There’s no daylight. You conserve battery life on your various devices by keeping screens dim, so you don’t know the hour. Time has felt liquid for some time now.

“I could take over.” Fu Xuan suggests.

“You still have a ship to run, I assume. Unless the Divine Foresight was so eager to get back to work already.”

“... Tasks can be delegated accordingly.”

“It’s not necessary.” You shake your head. “I mean this as no slight, but the rate at which you would be able to complete repairs and calibrations would be at the same rate at which the ship’s fail-safes and functions are degrading. It isn’t worth it.”

Perhaps, under different circumstances, Fu Xuan would squawk at you for discounting her skills as a calibrator so quickly. She is trained, not to your degree or expertise, but in a pinch, she can complete repairs, hear the chords, see the quantum maps required to keep the Luofu and its many delicate parts and pieces functioning accordingly. 

However, the Luofu’s current circumstances do not constitute a ‘pinch’ and rather a ‘once-in-an-era disaster that nearly killed the long-lived, beloved General, destroyed the longstanding Creation Furnace, revealed the previous disgraced High Elder of the Vidhaydara, nearly reawoke the Ambrosial Arbor’. And, as Jing Yuan had told you in confidence— “It’s a Stellaron.”

And hence, you and your expertise are best-suited for the task of repairing the insides of the Luofu. 

“... Even still.” She says somewhat gravely. “This is unsustainable.”

“I recognize that.” And you do, childish avoidance of the General aside. “Once the ship’s up to forty percent attuned, the diagnostic algorithms attached to the internal citrine abaci should stabilize and begin to re-establish a self-healing cycle. At which point, my manual diagnostics and repairs will no longer be necessary at the level at which I’m completing them now.”

“What percentage attuned is the Luofu at, as of now?”

“... Twenty-seven.” This is, technically, the truth. 

(However, you have little confidence in that number, as it fluctuates heavily based on time of day and your own location within the tunnels and mechanical catacombs. You imagine this may be due to any number of things— there may be a gamma leak down deeper, where the radiation sponges are not as effective. There could still be creatures and roots of Abundance, alive in the passageways, wreaking havoc on the systems in real time. The diagnostic systems themselves could be failing, or at the very least damaged, which means that prescribing a number at all to the Luofu’s condition is a stupid idea to begin with—)

Fu Xuan says your name sharply.

“Yes?” 

“... I’m worried.”

“That’s probably for the best.” You wish there was more sympathy in your voice, but it sounds cold and outside of your body. 

(You’re so tired.)

Fu Xuan sighs, and drops to her knees next to you, peering in one the copper box you’ve been wrist deep in for the better part of ten minutes. Distractions slow down the process so immensely. 

“Your reasoning is sound, and I understand that this isn’t entirely some ploy to skirt around the General’s requests to see you.” Fu Xuan hands you a small pendant, cut of purple stone and lit from the inside out. “Please, wear this. It will transmit your vital signs and location to a monitor on the surface.”

You blanch, “Is this for you, or the General?”

“For the Divination Commission on paper.” Fu Xuan loops it around your neck. “You’re the only Master Calibrator on the Luofu. To lose track of you, or lose you, would be dire. It will also assuage some of the General’s anxieties and keep him from pestering me about you.

“The general, anxious?” You throw back your head with a laugh and withdraw your hands from the paneling. The sludge has liquified further, more mucus-y now as it drips down your forearms. You wipe away what remains with a well-used rag from your belt. “I’ve never known Jing Yuan to be anxious.”

“He is now.” Fu Xuan says simply. “Or, as much as he allows himself to be. I am not interested in delving into the General’s psychology, but I am interested in keeping you in decent condition. That pendant has an emergency function. If you tap it three times, it’ll send a distress signal with your location.”

You want to say that that’s ‘unnecessary’, but you know that’s your bad mood. There’s a reason why Fu Xuan made this journey, alone, and is speaking to you so frankly. There are bags under her eyes too.

“Thank you, Fu Xuan.” You say, softly, kinder than you have been. 

Despite your grime, perhaps mutual, you wrap your arms around her shoulders and squeeze. She hugs you back and deflates, if only for a moment.

...

The Luofu’s utility organs are built downwards, filling what would be considered the ‘hull’ of the ship, until you hit the Hall of Karma. There’s insulation between the ship’s most vital part and the weary souls of the departed, which provides you some comfort as you must descend deeper and deeper. 

The Luofu is as much a ship as it is a planet— a live ecosystem, adapted to fit the various immortals who call it home. The bowels of the Luofu are truthfully a combination of metal and plant matter— dirt and mechanical roots meant to hold the ground in one piece around you. Much of the organic matter of the ship is covered behind metal plating, lest risking a collapse.

Most of the damage you must tinker to fix occurs in the small, delicate panels that are placed in the walls every ten meters or so. They’re nondescript, mostly. Surrounded by a few various dials— a few circular meters are faded and out of use (relics from when the Luofu left its parent civilization, millenia ago), and a port to sync up a jade abacus to for more detailed readings.

Most of the data is slop to someone without training.

Even with training, your exhaustion is making the various numbers, symbols, and graphs feel like slop. 

The panel can be disconnected with a small, quill-looking tool (there’s only a small amount left on the Luofu, maybe twenty in total. The head of the tool is carved from an old, red stone, burnt in an old fire by a forgemaster long dead. You keep track of your handful diligently, lest you lose them without another smith to make them.) Once the utility panel is pried off, it reveals a suspended layer of liquid, far deeper than it looks. If you really tried, you probably could fit your entire arm in and still have depth.

Suspended in the liquid are the mechanisms that truly run the Luofu. It’s hard to describe how they fit together. It takes an affinity for quantum, a century (or three) of training, to make sense of how to parse together the ship's parts. The parts are various small machines, crystals, living ecosystems bound into balls and sustained by astrosynthesis beyond this world.

You’re used to the awe of it.

Along your waist, you carry several pots of stellar lubricant. The grease provides... some amount of slip when poking around in it yourself. It resonates with the quantum and allows you to see the stretches of energy that allow the ship to run as it does. Tender leylines, woven threads, songs and hymns that are of many familiar beats and melodies. 

Everything slips together as you pull yet another panel from a wall. The mechanisms sing out of tune, in dissonant chords, off-beat in the wrong time signature.

You dunk your hands into the lubricant, ignoring the slowly erupting burns on your forearms from over-exposure.

You shove your hands into the wall. You work. You fix. 

...

Not so long ago, you and Fu Xuan were not the only two Calibrator on the Xianzhou Alliance’s Luofu. There had been an apprentice in the Divination Commission who was studying, seeking mastery, just as you yourself had. They were more skilled than Lady Fu in the arts of calibration. You think they hailed from the Yaoqing. They were soft, gentle-hearted and young by the standards of Xianzhou natives.

So perhaps, this is why they became Marastruck in the mouth of one of the utility tunnels after seeing footage of the Divine Foresight being dragged unconscious and limp into the apothecary. Gingko leaves tearing their skin, an unholy sob turning to a shriek to cut the air. You were lucky the transformation occurred while you were above ground, and a patrol of Cloud Knights was nearby.

You’re probably lucky that you hadn’t (haven’t) succumbed to Mara. If you were a few centuries younger and less trained in the arts of meditation, you might have been swallowed up like the apprentice had been.

Jing Yuan, for all of his many games and schemes and tricks, radiates the air of someone almost infallible. He is not perfect; he has never been one for edges that are too manicured. He’s far more content dozing the afternoon away or taking a stroll through one of his gardens than hosting war-meetings. He prefers to wear plain clothes to the market in hopes he will not be recognized (though, he always is). 

But, he is strong and remarkably difficult to phase or bother in any setting. On more than one occasion, you’ve spent the evening trying to rile him up and get him to pounce, but the General is always content to watch your attempts with a lazy smile on his face. Content to sweetly watch you struggle in getting under his skin. He may be affected, but he is hard to break. If he does, it is with such grace that you wouldn’t have any idea he did break, and it feels as if you’ve somehow slipped, rather than him. He is cunning and sure-footed in a way that you can’t help but admire. 

You’re not the only one to feel that way.

(Though, you’re the only one who shares a bed with him. So.)

The Xianzhou has little place for legends, yet Jing Yuan is old enough and well-thought of enough to have become one. So, you cannot blame the apprentice for falling to Mara. Not when they, and the rest of the Luofu, saw a legend buckle at the knees. 

...

You were right about diagnostics being inaccurate. However, the reason was a mix of your two initial hypotheses. 

Parts of the diagnostic system, deep and low within the Luofu’s internal organs, had been damaged. Radiation leaks from the core of the ship, usually held back by sponges and filters, was drifting upward to damage any number of sensors and organic processes keeping the Luofu operational.

(All useless details really, none of it makes sense anymore. The ship is fucked. You must fix it.)

And you have been fixing it. 

You reek of stellar lubricant, skin stained pearly and glittery under the fluorescent lights that dot the tunnels. Your eyes ache; it’s gotten quite difficult to focus them. You’re lucky that there’s occasional spigots tapped into the walls, with some type of freshwater flowing from them, even if it does take awhile for any liquid to run. They probably haven’t been used in decades— maybe centuries. Most of the internals of the Luofu heal and repair on their own. 

A calibrator would only need to step-in in the case of a calamity.

Time has gotten slippery. Though you send up status reports (of varying quality) through your wrist-bound jade abacus, you can’t say it’s on a schedule. You do them when you have the mental fortitude to craft something acceptable for the Divination Commission to scoff at. 

You’re tired, maybe.

There are some mediary chambers between levels. Old, dust-covered rooms with a cot and some rations. Though you raid the ones you come across for emergency food stores, you don’t stay to sleep. You usually keel over on the metal flooring with your outermost robe thrown over you like a blanket. Your pillow is your own folded hands. 

It’s viciously uncomfortable, but you find sleeping difficult regardless. The offensively bright grow lights are sensitive to flesh life, and will not turn off in your presence. The floor is sometimes searingly warm, sometimes ice cold. If you stop working, your own thoughts threaten to swallow you whole. You only achieve sleep in brief moments, perhaps a few hours at a time, when you’re entirely spent. 

It is unpleasant sleep. A mix of recent horrors and faraway comforts.

(You initially heard from Fu Xuan what Jing Yuan had done.)

(Shortly after, footage was posted of the Divine Foresight, unconscious and being dragged across the Luofu for medical attention. Jing Yuan was entirely unresponsive and cradled in the arms of the Vidharayda’s... reawoken? Returned? (You stay out of Lizard Politics.) (Regardless, it still burns.))

(There’s chaos in the sounds captured on the video, the shocked, disbelieving voices.)

(You had turned off your phone (you have still yet to turn it back on) and dragged the apprentice to the tunnels. You ignored their crumbled expression and all of their disbelief. It would not serve either of you— anyone— in that moment. This was foolish of you.)

(You remember your apprentice and how their panic grew to Mara so quickly. How they looked sick to their stomach, braced against one of the entrances to the tunnels of the catacombs, clutching their skull. You urged them forward, begged them to hurry— that the diagnostics were grave. You could see the gnarled roots of the arbor already having penetrated some of the ancillary walls.)

(They looked so scared as they were swallowed by Mara. Eyes flashing scarlet, gingko leaves spilling from their mouth as they screamed. Flesh tearing to be healed wrong seconds later. Beautiful silk robes torn to shreds, body mutilated from the inside out.)

(They’d lunged at you, howling, and you’d barely side-stepped them. You ran to a patrol of Cloud Knights, overworked and clearly battleworn themselves and exhausted. Regardless, they took down your apprentice. Cut them at the back of the knees, called a Judge, dragged them off to the Hall of Karma.)

You dream of Jing Yuan often.

Sometimes, these dreams are awful.

Lady Fu had told you to visit him, prior to your initial descent into the catacombs. She said he was unconscious and battered. He would certainly recover; the General is particularly hearty. She urged you to see him in the Alchemy Commission. She said this as if Jing Yuan hadn’t just thrown himself in front of a being that rivaled some Aeons. She said this as if the Luofu wasn’t a few mechanical failures away from ceasing function and you were the only one aboard the Luofu able to stop it with any efficiency.

You dream of Jing Yuan being lanced through with his own guandao. You dream of him falling to the stone of Scalegorge Waterscape, eyes blooming red, and ginkgo leaves erupting from his shoulders. You dream of him mutilated beyond belief by beings so much more powerful than either of you. You dream of having to watch a patrol of Cloud Knights pin him to the ground as Mara consumes him.

Sometimes, the dreams are pleasant.

The worst are those where you think you have woken up in bed with him. Mimi purrs at the foot of his stupid, indulgently large bed. Your cheek is pressed to his chest, warm and alive and okay, and he rumbles some laugh when you seem confused. He asks if you’d like breakfast. A bath. You should go to the markets together, shouldn’t you?

You dream of his body next to yours. Well and whole and intertwined.

You prefer to be awake; it allows you to feel like you have some semblance of control over your own mind. 

Horrors crop up into the forefront of your mind without warning often. Staying focused on your repairs helps you. Grounding yourself in the sting of the lubricant over your skin keeps your thoughts closer to the material, rather than the intangible fears that threaten to swallow you whole. 

Leaving only you to your work. Fixing. 

You wipe sweat from your brow, uncaring of the grease that smears across your skin and clumps in your hair. The panel in front of you is being particularly fuzzy. The parts are old. The impact from the Arbors sudden growth had damaged the delicate nature of the mechanisms. 

So, you tinker away.

Quantum threading, weaving, unraveling, trying again. And again, and again.

Your head pounds.

...

At some point, when checking your jade abacus, the diagnostic percentages have stopped going down. They’re actually going up, steadily and on their own.

You don’t believe it at first, but after... a while of keeping an eye on it, it doesn’t appear to be a fluke. Functionality is hovering around thirty-three percent, unfailingly, and rising a percentage every day or so. The panels you check appear to be healing themselves as well, albeit slowly. Thin, vermillion tendrils snake around in the oil to poke and prod as you have. Albeit, it’s not enough, but it provides a kernel of respite nonetheless.

Coincidentally, you run out of stellar lubricant around this same time as well.

The only option (as you’ve already pilfered the stores you’ve come across) is to ascend back to the surface of the Luofu and fetch more from the Artisanship Commission. 

You feel delirious when you rise fully and stretch your arms above your head. Your hands knock into the metal ceiling as your back cracks in at least four different places. Your knees ache. Your legs have long since cramped up. You feel stiff down to your bones, but you separate from the feeling. You must, there’s more important things to worry about. 

Ascending the catacombs is difficult. You hadn’t... realized quite how deep you’d gone for repairs. It takes quite some time to climb the thin utility ladders and weave the correct path upwards. You’re slowed by gravity and your own lethargy. The exertion takes its toll quickly, but you ignore it. You have a task to complete. 

(Your body's slick with sweat. Your vision threatens to tunnel.)

Perhaps you’ll pick up some proper rations as well. The nutritional power you had pilfered from the tunnel’s stores probably isn’t meant to be consumed in the long term. 

You come to surface through a shrouded doorway in a residential neighborhood. It’s warm, temperate as the Luofu usually is. There’s a pleasant breeze and the smell of grass and water in the air. It’s a sharp contrast to the metallic tang of oil and lubricant that you’re slicked with.

You try to think little of it. Artisanship Commission. 

On your way, you get the occasional odd stare. A child points at you. You, perhaps, are covered in grime and attribute any gawking to that. Maybe? You’re due for a bath. Though with all the errands it appears you need to run, do you really have time for one? 

There’s a shop on the edge of the Artisanship Commission you duck into. The shopkeeper is speaking to another customer at the counter, but goes silent when you give him a friendly wave. You’re a regular here, after all. 

You grab as much of the lubricant as you can carry in your arms and place it on the counter, poking around in your pocket for your... phone. It’s probably out of battery.

“Could you put this on the Divination Commission’s tab?” You ask him. “It’s being used for official business.”

The shopkeeper is still looking at you, wide-eyed. Mouth hanging open. He stiffly nods and rings you up. 

Odd.

You think little of it. He slowly loads your jars into an old crate and hands it to you. 

“Be well.” You say on the way out. The shopkeeper does not reply. 

The interaction leaves you with a vague sense of unease. 

That feeling mounts the more you realize that people are looking at you, as you make your way to Aurum Alley for rations. One woman even tries to stop you, but you wave her off. You need to—

Get rations. Maybe take a shower. Descend again because there’s no way the systems can be sustained and heal fast enough on their own. You must work, you must toil.

And you mustn’t visit Jing Yuan.

Not yet. Not until you can forget how he looked, slack and half-dead in the arms of his men. Perhaps you should forget the face of the returned High Elder as well. You’ve— you’ve put together that he and Jing Yuan have some type of history. You know from the whisperings that the man saved Jing Yuan. 

(You can’t ever save him. You are not a fighter. You’re a well-paid mechanic.)

Rations.

You’re stopped before you ever are three steps into Aurum Alley by a group of Cloud Knights.

“Halt.” One of them says, raising her weapon. 

“... Pardon?” You ask, raising an eyebrow. The crate in your arms is too heavy for this. “Can I help you?”

“Please wait,” the tip of her guandao shines, “you are the Divination Commission’s Master Calibrator, correct?”

“... Yes?” You sigh. “I apologize, but I must get past you. I’m on official business. Supply run.” 

The Knight rotates her blade to the butt of it against your chest, applying light pressure. Holding you there, tucked between several buildings and fairly out of sight. Your stomach drops. 

“I can’t allow that.” 

“... Excuse me?”

You’re about ready to snap at the nervous-looking knight once more, but you’re interrupted. The sound of quick feet over stone stops behind you and frigid air begins to spill down your neck. You turn your head painfully over your shoulder. 

Yanqing, the fierce little thing, is poised behind you, spitting steam and frost. His gold eyes are angry, teeth bared. He looks exhausted. 

“You are being detained,” he says, angry and sharp.

“What?” You snap, turning to face him. He looks ready to raise his blade against you, hand twitching at his waist. That’s not your concern at this moment. “Yanqing— what are you—”

Yanqing’s eyes are shiny and wet.

Oh.

“You’re being detained by order of the Divine Foresight.” He says, voice unwavering despite the tears beading against his lower lashes. 

...

Yanqing seems like he’s seething as he leads you to one of Jing Yuan’s personal gardens. It’s on a terrace, high above most of the Luofu, far-away from any of the Commission's that may bother him when he is attempting to relax.

You know this garden well; it’s your favorite spot to relax in with Jing Yuan.

He leads you directly to Jing Yuan who is standing on an overlook, hand behind his back as he stares out over a roiling sea. The waves crash far below, the sound a mere echo. His shoulders are slack. He hardly looks angry. It’s rare that he ever does.

“General.” Yanqing says— he is angry. “I’ve brought them.”

“Oh?” Jing Yuan turns, a pleasant smile stretching across his face. “You found them?”

“Yes, in Aurum Alley.” Yanqing salutes and steps to the side.

You cross your arms and try not to cry.

Jing Yuan looks fine. He’s clearly in one piece. Whole. Whole. No visible injury, no new limp as he steps closer to you, examining you just as intently as you examine him. 

It’s a horrible relief to see him fine— even if you should scold him. If you had the energy, you would. You would rake him over the damn coals for endangering himself as he did. You will, later. Maybe. But for now—

“Am I done being detained?” You ask, malice in your voice. “I have work to do.”

“No hello?”

“Fine. Hello.”

“Hi,” Jing Yuan says more gently, beckoning you to a lovely looking pile of silk pillows and a thick mat. The perfect spot for a midday catnap. “I’m afraid I do intend to keep you for a bit longer. Sit, please.”

You don’t budge.

“Jing Yuan,” You say his name. Your voice doesn’t wobble, and you’re grateful for it. “I do not have time for this.”

He hums, “You do.”

“You must know the Luofu’s internals are shot.” He must, right? You need to get back. You need to keep fixing. “I do not have time for tea and a chat. Be forward with me, please.”

Jing Yuan, who has already sat down on the silks, looks up at you. He’s perfectly poised, relaxed like a big cat, but with sharp, watchful eyes. He’s choosing his words carefully, albeit quickly. 

“Did you know the Matrix of Prescience resumed function earlier today?” He tells you. “Early this morning, it awoke. Diviner Fu says the function is still minimal, but improving by the hour.”

There’s a wave of relief hearing that— at least the Divination Commission can resume somewhat normal activity. Fu Xuan is probably overjoyed. Maybe. You should check— you need to check. There may be calibrations to reconfigure on the surface. Aeons, there probably is and you’re foolish for not addressing those yet. You should. 

Jing Yuan says your name, gentle but unyielding, “Stay with me.”

“I’m— I’m glad the Matrix is working. But, there’s still much that needs to be addressed Jing Yuan. The Luofu’s fail safes— the vitality transmitters— the gamma diffusers—”

You feel overwhelmed and nauseous. You want to lay down and cry. You want to run away to the nearest hidden entrance to the tunnels and work. So badly do you want to flee, hide, and toil and fix this stupid ship.

(Because, you can’t look Jing Yuan in the eye for too long. He’s safe, but the memory of him half-dead is still living in your mind. It’s murky, but there. You need it to die. You need it to stop. You need—)

Jing Yuan takes your hands in his own. It shocks you out of your spiral as his thumbs graze your knuckles. It hurts. You wince without thinking to muffle it. Chemical abrasions and hives litter the skin of your hands. It tracks up your arms to your elbows, you see now. 

You flinch and try to pull away, but Jing Yuan keeps you there. Suspended.

“I had a meeting with the other Arbiter-Generals, just the other day.” Jing Yuan sounds wistful. “I was surprised to find out that every other ship in the Xianzhou Alliance’s fleet has at least four Master Calibrators. They were shocked to find the Luofu only having one.”

“That sounds embarrassing.”

“It was, perhaps,” Jing Yuan laughs in a good-natured way. “The other Generals were quite kind, and have sent a handful of Master Calibrators to the Luofu to assist with repairs. They’ll be here in the next day or so.”

“... Really?”

“Yes.” Jing Yuan sighs. “I’ll owe a favor or two, but it’s more than worth it.”

You don’t know what to think.

“I have to—”

“You’re actually being placed on a somewhat indefinite leave.” Jing Yuan then yanks you down into the pillows, to the thick mat, and into his arms. “I’m afraid I’ve missed you terribly. You’ve been incredibly difficult to track down.”

“I was just in the tunnels.” You try to push away from him. “Fu Xuan gave me this little tracker.” 

You tap the pendant on your chest.

“You went deep enough into the Luofu that this pendant only pinged your location every few days.” Jing Yuan raises you up, so you’re perched in his lap. You steady yourself on his chest. His living, breathing chest. “At one point, it didn’t register your vitals for a week.”

Jing Yuan says this quietly. It’s admission, given the tone of his voice. He sounds a bit stricken, almost pained. His brow is scrunched as he rubs up and down your shoulders.

“... A week?” 

“Indeed. You scared me quite badly, you know.”

Something in you aches. Guilt rises up your throat, but you don’t give yourself much time to examine it. Not yet. 

“You’re one to talk.” You murmur, hitting a fist against his chest angrily. “You threw yourself in front of a Lord Ravager?”

“A necessary blow that ensured victory.” Jing Yuan says simply. As if he is speaking about a feint during a sparring match, or a risky move in a star chess game. “A worthwhile opportunity, really—”

“You could have died.” You snap at him, finally looking at him down your nose, baring your teeth. You are tired and angry. It feels like you could swallow the sun and you would be fine with exploding. 

“I could have.” He hums. There’s more that he wants to say, you can tell. You can imagine what he could wax on about—

(“It would have been worth it if it guaranteed the Luofu’s safety.”

(“Am I not going to die already? I would think it be better to give my life for the safety of the people, rather than be decimated by Mara.”)

(“There are worse ways to die.”)

“You’re so foolish.” You want to cry. Maybe you are. Your head is pounding and your eyes hurt. “You can’t do that.”

“Ideally, I wouldn’t—”

“No, stop, just—” You grab his cheeks in your hands and bring your nose to press against his. You meet his eyes, gold and molten. “You cannot sacrifice yourself in such a way. I beg you to be selfish. If for no other reason than to give me a proper goodbye.”

(Jing Yuan had been distant in the days leading up to the Arbor’s reawakening. He’d been dodging your calls, ignoring pre-scheduled outings, and skimping on sleeping in your bed. When you’d seen the videos of his limp body and heard from Lady Fu that he was still unconscious, there was, perhaps, a moment where you believed that that was it. You wouldn’t get a goodbye. You’d only see a ragdolled corpse to mourn.)

What you’re asking of Jing Yuan is a siren song of Mara. You know this. To yearn is to suffer. To be attached is to suffer. To cling is to suffer. And suffering is to mara. You both know this. You dance with the stars and their weavings often enough to be suspended somewhat above other immortals— such things seem small in avenues of Aeons and destiny. 

Jing Yuan, however, is a master of separation. Meditation. He is quiet about the skills he’s cultivated. You notice them though— the way he measures his breathing, the conscious effort he makes to keep himself loose and slack. The way his memory is diced up, not from incensed Mara sprouts, but from missing pieces. Tragedies that have either been removed or blotted out from his own practice.

To save him from being swallowed by Mara.

And yet, you beg him to remember you. 

You almost retract, recoil, and run. This is too real. You have been in the General’s bed for who knows how long. It doesn’t matter that you have been his partner for the last several decades. You’ve never asked him to keep you in his thoughts— keep you like this. It has always felt too unfair of a thing to ask. 

“You,” You spit through tears, “Cannot leave me so cruelly. Not like that. Let me be precious to you, Jing Yuan, if only for a short time.”

There is no such thing as being endless without consequence, but perhaps the General can spare you his affections, truly, for a brief moment. Maybe it’s a pipedream. Maybe you’re delirious from lack of sleep and hunger and the high of feeling Jing Yuan solid and whole beneath you is simply too much.

Jing Yuan coaxes you to keep your head up when you try to duck into his neck. He buries a hand in your hand that quickly slides down to your nape. He holds a wide, warm palm there to steady you.

“Dear,” Jing Yuan strokes down your cheeks, rubbing away tears you can’t stop from falling. His smile is melancholy, his eyes crinkled at the corners with a broken smile. “I’m quite remissed. Have I not made it clear that I already think of you in such a way?”

You swallow.

“Probably not.”

“I apologize.”

“Don’t apologize— just— say it.” Not on his deathbed, or Mara-struck in chains and gnarled with Ginkgo leaves. 

Jing Yuan pauses, rubbing away tears from under your eyes and squeezing his hand that lingers on the back of your neck. He opens his mouth, flounders, then closes it. Then speaks.

“Beloved,” He begins and you’re already breaking. “I am sorry that I haven’t made it clear to you that you are dear to me. There are certain things that I cannot promise you as they are outside of my control as well as yours. But what I can assure you is that you are so incredibly dear to me. If I must continue to live as I do now, I would like to do so by your side. I apologize for not being forthright.”

“... So, no throwing yourself in front of Lord Ravagers?”

“... Sacrifices must be made.” Jing Yuan says, though his voice is, perhaps, more mournful. 

“You are not a sacrifice.” You swallow, the words burning you as well. “You are much more than just foder. You are— you’re dear to people. Dear to me. You are not to throw yourself in the line of fire as part of a convenient plan.” 

“I will not make you a promise that I cannot keep.” He is too duty-bound; it’s a practiced thing. You’ve heard he was once laze-about oaf who could barely handle a sword. You try to appeal to any remnants of that man.

“Then at least tell me.” You urge, beg. “Maybe there are other options you haven’t thought of. You get stuck in your head, you know.”

“Do I?” His smile turns mischievous and teasing.

“You—!” You headbutt him lightly and he rolls you into the silken blankets. 

The moment your back touches the softness below you, skull cushioned in the palm of Jing Yuan’s hand, you can feel exhaustion catching up with you.

“You must heed your own rules, love,” Jing Yuan tells you, covering your body with his. Silver hair falls in a veil around you. It’s like starlight. The memories of oil and machine parts feel far away. “No more running yourself ragged. Or hiding in the utility tunnels for a month.”

“... A month?” Your words slur. There’s no way you were down there for a month.

“Actually, a month and a week.” Jing Yuan says. His hand smooths over your front with a front. “You’ve lost weight. And as effortlessly radiant as you are, you do look quite poorly. I’m sure it’s nothing an indefinite, relaxing, extended, paid-leave can’t fix, hm?”

“Thas’ so long,” You say, your eyes rolling back into your head. You’re slipping.

“I know.” Jing Yuan kisses your forehead and remains there. “I missed you terribly.”

You want to say more. How desperately do you want to tell him, “I missed you too. I couldn’t stop thinking of you dying. I dreamed of your bed and warmth and wanted nothing more.” But your body is simply too tired. The... month of exhaustion catches up with you within the silks and you have to fight to keep your eyes open.

Jing Yuan hushes you when you whine, grabbing at him to drag him closer.

“Rest now.” He tells you. “You need it. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Jing Yuan holds you in the soft blankets, flush against downy pillows and the plush of his chest. One of his hands finds home around your waist, the other over the crown of your head. 

You are tugged down— not in the bowels of Xianzhou’s Luofu, but into the arms of a lover and the hold of a deep and inexorable sleep.

The next time you’re awake, you’re swathed in buttery linens and pleasantly warm. Your world is fuzzy and unfocused, and at first you think you are dreaming.

It’s simply too pleasant.

Your cheek is pressed against Jing Yuan’s bare chest. You can tell from the softness of your cheek squished against the softness of his pectoral, along with the bit of silver fuzz that tickles your nose. He smells like you remember— notes of cedar oils and herbs, mixing with the scent of his own stale sweat from whatever training he completes with Yanqing. 

It’s comforting and familiar. This is why it must be a dream.

So you cling to Jing Yuan. The arm thrown over his chest constricts. The leg you have loosely thrown over his own tangles and hooks him closer. You shimmy higher to press your nose to the underside of his jaw and inhale. 

Jing Yuan chuckles, a rumbling thing that’s hoarse with sleep, “Good morning to you too.”

You do not open your eyes. Rather, you squeeze them shut, and cling to the dream.

His hand glides up your back, finding home on your waist once more before giving you a squeeze, “You can sleep more, you have quite the deficit to make up for.”

You grumble. You’re practically on top of him, like it would prolong the pleasant illusion your mind is creating. 

Your own palm rests over his chest, and you pause. There’s a texture that’s new. Scar tissue beneath your finger tips that runs little rivers over his flesh. Jing Yuan’s breath hitches as you trace them. You pull away from the safety of his throat to peer down at his chest. New scars litter his chest, all connected webs of damage. The skin is puckered and freshly healed.

This is not a dream.

“Oh,” you say, softly. 

“I apologize. Your favorite canvas has been a bit marked up.” Jing Yuan sighs. 

“Jing Yuan.” You squeak and bat at his chest. “Don’t speak of your body and condition in such a way.”

“Why not? I so have missed your marks on me, you know. It’s been a lonely recovery period—”

“Jing. Yuan.” You tug at his hair playfully. “It is too early for you to be teasing me.”

“I don’t think it’s ever ‘too early’ for such things.” Jing Yuan laughs. “Besides, I think you quite like it.”

“Cruel man.”

“You wound me.” There’s no bite to either of your voices. Just something warm and underused. 

You press a kiss to his cheek and nudge your nose into the pudge of it, “Truly?”

“No.” Jing Yuan pulls you up by your waist, holding you flush to him as he turns to face you. You are chest to chest, nose to nose. “There’s no need to worry about the nips of a kitten, wouldn’t you agree?”

“You awful, awful man—” You say with a burgeoning smile that you can’t help but wear. 

Jing Yuan cups a large, warm palm against your jaw and presses his lips to yours. 

It’s indulgent, just like the ridiculously-sized bed you’re entangled in and the silken sleep pants you can feel him wearing. Your smile into it— you missed this. 

Why did you miss it—?

Oh. 

You pull away, eyes widening, “Jing Yuan, the ship. I have— repairs. I have to—”

He silences you with a quick kiss, racking his nails down your back and you gasp.

“The repairs are being taken care of by a few honored guests from the Xuling and Yuque. Diviner Fu is their point of contact and guide for the duration of their stay. They will be completing the remaining restoration while you enjoy your leave.”

“I mean—” You flounder, panic is bursting in your chest. “They can contact me— I know what needs to be fixed, I can at least make a list—?”

Jing Yuan hums, grip getting tighter around your hips. It’s a shadow of something you’ve seen in him before— it’s a bit possessive. 

“Once again, dear, you are on indefinite leave by order of the Seat of Divine Foresight by the Arbiter General himself.” He reminds you with a glint in his eye. “You needn’t make any lists or instructions for our guests. Diviner Fu is more than capable of directing them as necessary. Actually, I believe she’ll quite like it.”

“You’re pulling rank on me?” 

“As I have every right to do.” Jing Yuan doesn’t relent. More sweetly, he continues. “As your lover, I would also be much happier to see you recovering in bed than anywhere else.”

“… Are the gardens off limits?”

“No, though I’d recommend giving yourself a few days of minimal activity.” Jing Yuan frowns then. “I don’t believe you realize it, but you are quite weak at the moment.”

“... Really?”

“Lady Bailu’s cloudhymns are quite advanced these days.” He rubs a thumb below your eyes, over what must be a dark circle. “But, her skills mostly lie in healing flesh wounds and disease. You are malnourished, dehydrated, and... overall rundown.”

“... The Dragon Lady is going to give me an earful, isn’t she?”

“In time.” Jing Yuan laughs. He brings one of your hands up to his face to press his lips to your knuckles. No longer covered in burns and irritated hives, but still bearing light scarring. 

Neither you nor Jing Yuan escaped unscathed.

“Do I need to prepare?”

“Perhaps not as much as you think.” Jing Yuan hums, pulling the sheets over your heads. “She examined you while you were asleep a few times. She has already scolded you plenty, even if you don’t remember it.”

“Did I wake up at all?”

“Barely. It was almost concerning.” Jing Yuan tugs you closer and tucks your head under his chin. “I did manage to have you sip some water and give you a wipe down though. Admittedly, you do need a proper bath.”

You nearly moan. 

The idea of a bath is downright erotic. Though you don’t feel as greasy and as sticky as you could, given Jing Yuan had kindly gotten the worst of it off of you, the idea of being truly clean sounded pornographic.

Especially, given you were at Jing Yuan’s residence, and in addition to his indulgently large and comfortable bed, he also had an indulgently large and opulent self-heating bath. The idea of having a long soak and scrub has you burying your face into Jing Yuan chest and squeezing around his middle.

“I want it.” 

“A bath?” 

“Yes. And you. And a meal. Lots of things, actually.” Enough to make your head spin. It feels like your slowly waking mind is all out of sorts. 

“Let’s start with a meal and a bath, then.” Jing Yuan offers. “Perhaps after a nap?”

You don’t need to be persuaded. 

It’s a kinder sleep you sink into. Less bottomless and far warmer. Jing Yuan kisses you breathless and a bit stupid as you drift off, chuckling against your lips as you grumble and grouse at him, before being tugged down into sleep once more.

...

“How are you feeling?”

You ask Jing Yuan this as you give yourself a pre-bath rinse behind an ornate screen. The wet cloth clutched in your hands drips fat droplets of water onto the polished, glass tile beneath your feet. Soap clings to your body, falling into little rivulets, taking the worst of your grime down the nearby drain. Watching the iridescent bubbles distracts you from the weight of your own words.

You’ve been wanting to ask Jing Yuan this for—

(Weeks, probably, actually, in the time of the Xianzhou Alliance’s calendar. At least you since you saw him nearly lifeless in the grainy cell phone footage.)

Since you have woken and were sleepily led to Jing Yuan’s opulent, resplendent private baths, at least.

From the other side of the screen, Jing Yuan answers, “I feel fine, dear.”

“Physically?”

“I’ve had more than enough time to recover.” 

“... Mentally? All over, Jing Yuan.”

You hate asking this, but you know it’s necessary. You’re sure Jing Yuan is being monitored for Mara-onset symptoms; there’s no way he couldn’t be. You don’t see any obvious ones. But, Mara is the most extreme of afflictions. 

He laughs again, and you can feel him shaking his head like it can shake off your concern, “I assure you, I’m more than fine. Having to be responsible for so much paperwork again is painful, but doable.”

He’s dodging your question, albeit with less finesse than he normally would. 

“Would you blame me if I doubted that answer?”

“No, not at all.”

You sigh and rinse the last of the suds from your body. It’s tedious, this roundabout game with Jing Yuan, but he is rarely forthcoming with personal information. Whether that’s memories of his life before you entered it, political stratagem, or his own mental state— it’sall veiled. You’ve gotten more adept at playing his games, but you truthfully don’t know if you have the energy to try.

You rub your hand over your face. One thing at a time.

You pluck the robe Jing Yuan had supplied from the top of the screen and wrap yourself in the (thin, wispy, objectively indecent) garment. It’s not doing much to cover you at all, as the light, silken fabric clings to the wet curves of your body. You appreciate the attempt at modesty in the same way you appreciate Jing Yuan idling on the other side of the screen. 

You feel like a doe on uneven ground still. Jing Yuan probably expects this.

He guides you to the bath, steering into more light-hearted chatter. He tells you what Yanqing has been up to since he has resumed his office, once again asking for swords and seemingly training with a new vigor and intensity. He has been begging the General to spar with him all hours of the day. Or, call back his newfound friends from the Astral Express for a round or two. Qingzu will be taking a much-needed vacation in the coming weeks. Jing Yuan’s carmelias and bluebell astrums have begun to bloom. 

You nod along, only half-there. 

Jing Yuan eases your robe off your shoulder as he speaks. His voice is low and a bit rough from his own nap. The broad planes of his palms and fingers smooth over your shoulders and peel the fabric down. His thumb worries the marred skin of your forearms.

“We’ll make sure your next meals are particularly hearty. These should heal up quickly, wouldn’t you say?” He coaxes. 

You nod, staring at the burns. They’ll be nothing but worn-looking scars in a matter of weeks. 

Your robe is slung over a cart, filled with a collection of luxurious bath oils and soaps. Jing Yuan only has a few indulgences— his sprawling, soft bed, his many gardens, and his opulent, resplendent private bath laid with emerald green glass tiles and a sunken tub that could’ve been counted as a pool given its size. You’re grateful for it— though you’ve only used it a handful of times. The General has a habit of taking quick showers, unless he has the better part of the day to lounge in the perfectly-warmed water.

You try not to linger on your own nakedness, though you can feel Jing Yuan surveying you. There must be bruises on your waist from the heavy belt you were wearing. Visible weight loss too. You busy yourself by untying the sash of Jing Yuan’s robe and pulling it from his shoulders. It had already been somewhat open, revealing the marred expanse of his chest. Thin, spidery scars that clearly stretched over most of his body.

Typically, Xianzhou Native bodies heal with little scarring. But, these wounds were carved by a Lord Ravager. You’re unsure if they will follow the same logic. 

You will love Jing Yuan, obviously, regardless of any lasting marks. But the thought still makes you sad— something in you aches. You trace the scars leading down from his chest to his softened tummy to the v of his hips. His cock is soft between his legs. It’s too dark in the bath to tell if the scars extend there as well. 

“You look troubled.” He says, pausing his stories.

“I worry for you, so much.” You tell him. 

Meeting his eyes is difficult. The honey-stone color of them looks darker in the dimly-lit chamber, but you can easily see the crease between his brow. There’s clear concern, perhaps a bit overwritten by his need to conceal his hand.

Perhaps he is too tired himself to be as careful as he usually is.

(Good. If there’s anyone who he can let his guard down around, Aeons, let it be you.)

Jing Yuan helps you into the tub. First, he enters, sliding into the steaming water with a shudder. He extends his hand to you as you take unsure steps onto the slick tiling. The water is the perfect temperature— not too hot, but pleasantly warm in a way that won’t lead to overheating. You hide your body under the water and sink up to your chin and sigh.

It feels heavenly.

Jing Yuan chuckles as you do and smoothes a hand over the top of your head. He’s already reaching for a few bottles on the nearby cart, pouring a few under the steady gurgle of water that flows from a wide tap. It’s entrancing to watch— equally as entrancing is the breadth of Jing Yuan’s shoulder, marred by the scarring. He’s beautiful in a way that makes your stomach knot.

You end up settled with your back pressed to his front, laid in his lap, almost dozing as he massages shampoo into your hair.

“I’m filthy, aren’t I?” You ask.

Jing Yuan hums, “I’ve never seen you this unkempt, no.”

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He kisses the back of your soapy skull. “You needn’t apologize for anything. I’m not upset with you.”

“... Okay.” You concede. He goes back to dutifully washing your hair, then follows it with conditioner and securing your hair up and out of the water as necessary. His idle talk has stopped, the space filled by the running water and your own breath.

“May I wash yours?” You ask. 

“You still have your body, love.”

“I know,” You reply sheepishly. “At least let me get your conditioner in?”

Jing Yuan laughs, and coaxes you to turn with his big hands wrapped around your waist under the waist. You spin his lap, straddling him. It’s a precarious position, but you... missed it. Nudging yourself closer, you lean into him, chest to chest, and deflate.

He laughs, something rich and warm that radiates from his body into your own, “It really is hard work, bathing, isn’t it?”

“No,” You muffle your words into his collarbones. “Just give me a minute.”

“Of course,” His arms wrap firmly around your waist, locking you together. He’s hot— he runs like a furnace even when not in a toasty bath. There’s a bit of sweat dripping down his neck and you’re tempted to lick it away.

Maybe later, for now you bask.

You bask in the fact that Jing Yuan is here, warm and alive. You want to commit him to memory— better than you have. If it forsakes you to Mara in a few decades, you do not care. You had forgotten the softness of his chest, the curve of his waist and the point of his nose. The details of Jing Yuan had become so fuzzy in such a short time. You’re sure Lady Bailu would assert it had something to do with your ‘chronic sleep deprivation’, but you’re not sure if you agree with that potential diagnosis.

Spending too much time attuned to immaterial quantum fields erodes your psyche, probably. 

“So deep in thought.” Jing Yuan runs a head down your back. “Take a break to rinse, hm?”

“I haven’t gotten yours in yet, though?”

“We can take our time. Besides, I bathed this morning. This is all for pleasure.”

“... Pleasure, huh?”

Jing Yuan flashes you a grin burgeoning on mischievous, “Yes, pleasure, in whatever form that may come. Is that what’s plaguing you, dear?”

“No, not at all.” You sigh and lean back from him, cupping his cheeks. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Jing Yuan says. His cards are showing— his voice is straining, pitched in a way that indicates he’s sad in his chest. The thing between your ribs aches.

“I was worried.”

“So you have said.” Jing Yuan cajoles you down, slipping your head half in the water to rinse away your conditioner. He suspends you with a single arm. His musculature is obscene. 

“How could I not be?” You clench your jaw. “I saw videos of you being taken to the Alchemy Commission— you— you looked—”

Half-dead. 

Corpse-like. 

Steps from death’s door.

On your way to the grave.

Dead.

Jing Yuan calls your name, rubbing soothing little circles over the small of your waist, “I’m well now, dear.”

“But you almost weren’t.” Your voice breaks. You don’t mean for it to. You tuck yourself into his neck and hide.

You don’t want to cry, but you can feel something welling up from within your guts. It’s the thing you pushed down relentlessly in the bowels of the Luofu. As you tinkered and toiled in the depths of the ship, you never let this ache spill over, lest you drown. Whether that’s in Mara or a less permanent type of suffering, you do not know.

“But I am.” Jing Yuan assures you. “I am here now, aren’t I? Whole and in one piece.”

You know this. You know this. But— You drag your fingernails over his shoulder blades. Jing Yuan shudders as you do.

“It’s hard.”

“I know.” 

The hands around you squeeze hard enough to bruise.

“I thought you were going to keel over in the gardens when Yanqing first brought you to me.” Jing Yuan confesses. “I’d been pestering Lady Fu on the hour for any updates about your whereabouts and communications.”

“... I wasn’t communicating with anyone, though.”

“I know.” Jing Yuan has a thread of... contempt to it. “I wish you would have.”

“What could I have said?”

“I’m not sure,” Jing Yuan tangles a hand in your washed hair and tilts your face to meet his. “But, I’m sure you would’ve found the right words.”

He kisses you. Or you kiss him. Who’s to say.

You don’t have the right words— you may never. Certainly not in your mind or on your tongue now. The thing that rises in your throat is carnal and old and writhing— want. Verging on need. You struggle to keep the kiss chaste, closed lips pressed together after so long apart

Perhaps Jing Yuan has a similar depth that’s clawing at his insides. 

He tilts his head, dragging you closer. Close as can be. He kisses you in a silently desperate way. You accept his advances and tangle your hands in his hair. Tug him closer and closer and closer.

(Don’t go. Please don’t go. Not yet.)

(Not until we’re both split apart by gingko roots and dappled in noontime sunlight.)

You gasp his name as you break apart for breath, smoothing your thumbs down his cheekbones and jaw. His pupils are blown and desperate.

“Can I touch you?” He asks, always so polite.

“Please—” 

Jing Yuan kisses you again, deeper and pulling you into the depths of the bath. His hands trail down to your thighs, squeezing along the way. Calloused and wide, familiar. The feel of them is coming home, you hadn’t realized how much you missed this.

You keen against his lips and Jing Yuan laughs— the gall of that man.

His flips you easily, caging you against the edge of the pool. This way, he has height over you. He looms, casting a flickering shadow in the amber light of the beeswax candles scattered about. You swallow as you watch droplets of water slide down his throat, chest, tummy. His forearms make you feel dizzy.

“May I have you?” He asks, once again. “Not yet— but I don’t want to progress if you’re not feeling fit for it.”

“N-No,” You feel desperate, you sound desperate. Sensitive and clawing, the beast that you buried in the depths of the Luofu crawls out of your throat and wraps itself around you. Tears spring to your eyes. “Please? Just— be slow—”

Jing Yuan must see your eyes water. He softens.

He thumbs over the fragile skin beneath your eyes, as if wiping the stray tear could wipe away the dark circles punched there as well. 

“Of course.” He assures you and presses his lips to your forehead.

...

Jing Yuan takes ‘slow’ both seriously and literally. You are both grateful and horribly frustrated by this. You almost regret not telling Jing Yuan to simply bend you over the lip of the bath and fuck you senseless, though Jing Yuan probably would not have granted you that even if you had asked. He loves to savor when he can. Bedding you is no exception— even under more typical circumstances.

And these aren’t typical circumstances.

Perhaps you should’ve known Jing Yuan intended to break you apart and stitch you back together.

He doesn’t escalate things much further in the bath, despite petting down your sides and seeming to always have his lips on you. You wash his hair as you’d ask to, scratching at his scalp and relishing the almost-purr he lets out as he wraps himself around you. When you start to just barely grind in his lap (squirm, more than anything), he is quick to still you with an iron-like hold on your hips, pinning you down and over his thighs. 

“Not yet,” He tells you, nipping at your jaw. “Be patient.”

You huff. 

Jing Yuan takes charge of finishing washing you, using gentle touch and a soft cloth from your ankles to the crown of your head. His touch lingers, starting some low burning flame low in your gut that you have a feeling won’t be quenched for quite some time. 

It’s tortuous. It’s wonderful.

After you towel each other off, he leads you back to his rooms, only in the damp robes and undergarments he’d dutifully remembered to bring along. The silk clings to Jing Yuan’s bulk as he walks beside you. His hand is on your lower back. Little bugs chirp in the courtyard gardens you pass. There’s the gurgle of a fountain. The soft breeze that Luofu always keeps, even on the most temperate days of summer. It’s all so different from the acrid smell of lubricant and the ambient machine hum you had become so used to.

“I’m only on leave, not house arrest, correct?” You ask as you enter his wing, to his bedroom. 

He locks the door behind you as you step inside. 

“No, no house arrest.” Jing Yuan hums as he strips off his robe. You want to bite him. “You’re free to roam within reason.”

“Does ‘within reason’ include the nursery that outlander keeps in the Exalting Sanctum?” 

“Of course. Though I may assign you a chaperone.”

“Really? Would you send Yanqing with me for a quick run to grab a new shrub or two.”

Jing Yuan laughs, something rich and full that rolls over you like a fleeced quilt, “I figured that I would be your chaperone, dear. If you’d allow.”

“... You’re making this sound like a date, General.”

“Am I?” Jing Yuan smiles so honeyed, it makes something in your chest begin to crack. You lay your hands on his bare chest and hold your ear to his chest. He laughs when you do. “I’d like it if it was. If you’d have me.”

“Of course I would.”

You say it so simply.

You want to crawl into his body and live there, and break any spindly seedlings of Mara away with your own two hands.

Jing Yuan kisses you, walking you back into the door. His lips are soft, a bit chapped in a way that’s familiar and comforting. You run a hand up and down his chest, stopping to squish one of his ample pecs. You muffle a laugh into Jing Yuan’s lips as he stutters out a groan. Sweet, sweet man. 

“I missed you,” You tell him once more, hoping your words seep past the seam of his lips, down his throat and sink into his guts. 

Jing Yuan responds by pressing you into the door, using the warm line of his body to flatten you to the wood. His kiss verges on desperate, tongue insistent at the seam of your lips, hands tugging you close, close, closer. You yield to him, whining as his tongue licks into your mouth, the taste of him so familiar it makes you ache.

You tug at his hair and urge him closer, if that is possible.

His touch is searing as he breaks away, panting, eyes hot. Scalding. His hair is down, drying to a fluffy, untamed mane around his cheeks and shoulders. It’s charming. You thumb over his cheeks with a smile. He leans into your touch while giving you a soft smile.

“The reign you have over me.” He sighs. You don’t get a chance to question him— his thigh slots between your own and your breath catches with the contact.

You haven’t been touched in so long.

You cling to his shoulders and just barely grind on his thigh— as much as his hold on your waist will allow. Jing Yuan’s kisses trail from your lips to over your cheeks and down your throat. He stops at the juncture of your neck and shoulders, nosing into the spot.

“Such a lovely scent,” He hums.

“I-I bet I smelled horrible before, h-huh?” You laugh as he begins to worry a patch of skin. Tender and fragile, perfect for bruising.

“Hm, I wouldn’t say that.” His teeth graze your throat and your head falls back into the door with thud. Jing Yuan shields your skull with his hands a beat later. “You’d be surprised how many times we’ve shared a bed and you’ve reeked of your favorite brand of astral lubricant.”

“Jing Yuan!” You shriek with a laugh and bat at his shoulders. “You’re so cruel.”

“What, do you not like when I tease you?”

“Scoundrel.”

“I think you do like it.”

You missed bantering with him.

“I love you.” You tell him. He knows— you know this. Declarations of love are rare for the long-lived. At least so directly— to care so deeply is to damn yourself to a faster descent into Mara. Though, to live and deprive yourself of companionship and love is to be dead while living. There’s a tender balance between connection and detachment. Both you and Jing Yuan are intimately familiar with it and indulge together.

Jing Yuan bites down on your neck.

It hurts, enough that you jolt and squirm against his body. Jing Yuan holds you into place, sucking on the skin he’d sunk his teeth into. It’s higher on his neck than he’d usually mark you. 

(He’s leaving it to be seen. You are Jing Yuan’s, loved and held.)

(What a wretched man.)

By the time he pulls away, you’re panting. Tears have welled up on your lash line. It hurts and it hurts even more when Jing Yuan runs a high thumb over the quickly rising skin. You gasp and Jing Yuan catches your chin in the wide palm of his hand.

You meet his gaze, intense and lighting-vibrant. You’re panting with an open mouth. 

“How lovely.” And he presses a kiss to a corner of your mouth. 

Jing Yuan guides you to his ridiculously large bed (that could surely fit up to five bodies and a fully grown, white lion.) The sheets have been changed, though you have a feeling they’ll be dirtied again by the morning. 

It’s gentle, the way he hastens you higher up the mattress before giving you a light shove into a mound of pillows. You hook your legs around his waist, drawing him as close as he’ll allow. 

He massages the meat of your thighs. His gaze goes long, and a bit unfocused, though it's trained on you. 

(You wonder what he’s thinking. Jing Yuan is so careful, always so ginger and measured in his steps. Still, there’s a fire in him that you often overlook. It’s the part of him that keeps a lion as a housemate, raised a young boy into a champion, and... you suppose urged him to become the Luofu’s sacrificial lamb in the face of the Destruction.)

You gulp, throat bobbing. Perhaps, you know your General to be a docile, indolent man who prefers naps and board games too much else. Perhaps you have overlooked, or rather forgotten, that you once saw the Divine Foresight as a warlord, given what you’d read about him in the data banks during your studies on the Yuque. 

Jing Yuan’s hand drifts down your front. You’re still wearing your robe. Gentle touch peels it away, leaving you in just a pair of thin panties. They’re a soft, breathable fabric— the kind that will surely show your interest in the General. (You have a feeling Jing Yuan picked them out for that reason expressly.) 

Jing Yuan presses the pad of his thumb over your clit through the fabric. 

You aren’t expecting it, and arch your back with a squeak. His hand lays hot at the innermost part of your thigh, at the fragile skin where it meets your more sensitive parts. 

“I-I thought you said you’d go slow.” You squirm. 

“Of course.” Jing Yuan remains unmoving, applying just enough pressure to be maddening. “I intend to.” 

With how sensitive you are, you need him to be slow. Your body feels tender out of the bath— cooked and raw all at once. Your muscles still ache from your time in the tunnels and you feel... atrophied, if anything. 

Jing Yuan must know this, and you trust him to keep his word. 

He makes his way home between your thighs, laying over your front to kiss you once more. This is slow, every lick and nip thoughtful, every barely-there roll of his hips is intentional. You’re not sure where he finds the restraint. 

You pet through his hair, softening incrementally with each soft touch he gives you.

He pulls away, lips kiss-bruised and cheeks flushed. It’s cute to see the General so disheveled. He’d never look this out of it and starry-eyed outside of this shared bedroom. It makes you giddy. You smother his cheeks with kisses and let him muffle laughter into your skin. 

It’s all soul-splitting.

It’s good. The proximity is warm and inviting. You missed the richness of his bed, the scent of incense and the candles you stock the room with. You missed the roll of his muscles underneath your fingertips and the mirthful glint that flashes in his eyes whenever he thinks he has you on the ropes.

You were so scared of losing this.

It hits you in the chest, caving you in, breaking rib and bone. You were so scared— terrified that this dance you’ve become so adept at sharing with Jing Yuan would end before you were ready for it too. You know that you’ll both fall to Mara, it’s inevitable— but you don’t want it to happen yet. You’re not ready for the final flourish. You weren’t ready for Jing Yuan’s cradled, near lifeless body to be the dying gasp of the partnership you had.

You know it's foolish to think this way. Things— all things, are bigger than mortal minds. Paths cut by the stars, brushstrokes by Gods and Aeons that dictate the lives and destiny of all. You are one mind, one body, one tender spirit. You cannot fight against such forces. You will be crushed.

But, for now, you savor. Take each moment and be grateful even as it slips, honey-warm and molten, between your fingers to be replaced by another in the next instant, equally as lovely. Piled on each other. It is enough. 

You crush Jing Yuan to you, hard and fast enough that the wind is knocked out of him, “Please be more careful with yourself.”

I can’t lose you just yet.

“I will try.” His voice is a comforting curl over you. He strokes over your temples and forehead.

“N-No, you must.” 

You don’t know the words yet for what you want to tell him. The feelings are too large, too unmanageable. Maybe attuning to the Luofu’s quantum fields has rotted your brain. You’ve lost your words. 

With some cajoling, you flip Jing Yuan onto his back. 

Sitting up over his hips, you set upon his neck. First with soft kisses, just as he gave you, then with nips and stronger bites. Then a chomp below his jaw. His hips crest upwards, his hands spasming around your waist as he holds you steady. The sounds that leak from him make you want to crawl down his throat. 

You suck and bite at the mark until you’re satisfied, pulling away to see his pale skin bruising darker by the moment. You admire the popped blood vessels with what must be a dreamy expression on your face.

“Leaving your mark on me?” Jing Yuan asks, breathless and light. 

“It’s only fair.” You kiss his smile, sharing it, “Just as you did to me.”

Running your hands down his chest, you frown at the scars. 

“What if I joined the Cloud Knights?” You ask him. 

Jing Yuan looks a bit... surprised, “Why would you do that? Though, perhaps, giving up your position as Master Calibrator would be reasonable, given recent events.”

“No, no, it’s not that.” You watch the rise and fall of Jing Yuan’s chest with an ache in your own. “If I was stronger, I could protect you, couldn’t I?”

Tears well up in your eyes.

Jing Yuan opens his mouth to speak, you hear his inhale, but you cut him off, “I-If I was a fighter, or just a Diviner, couldn’t I help more? Could I— could I have stopped this? Or stop something horrible from happening in the future? I don’t want to see you hurt like this.”

It should be a bit funny, maybe, that you’re sitting on the waist of the half-hard Divine Foresight, in tears, asking him if you could protect him. A man treated as nearly infallible, a legend amongst people who so rarely have them. He has an eternal spirit gifted by an Aeon tied to his very being. 

And yet you, something of a mechanic and professional tinkerer, beg to protect him.

“Oh, [Name].” He says, mournful. 

You swallow down a sob and tears drip from your eyes to splatter on his chest. Your vision blurs and you rake your nails down his chest. More raised marks— yours struck on him this time. Jing Yuan winds a hand in your hair, strokes down your neck, tries to calm you but it's hard. You can’t catch yourself. 

“I’m s-sorry—” You tell him between gulps of air. You’re supposed to be being bed right now, fucked stupid and more brainless than you already are, but you’re crying and the panic welling up in your chest feels bottomless and vast. 

“No apologies,” Jing Yuan hushes you, rubbing away tears. “You’re alright. I understand.”

“You do?” You snort. It’s blotted out by a proper sob that you hide in Jing Yuan’s chest. 

“How could I not?” He rubs over your dark circles under your eyes, then the bruising around your hips. The softness around your waist that’s not as plump as it was a month ago. “Do you think I didn’t contend with traversing the tunnels myself and pulling you out by your scruff?”

“... You did?” 

He pauses. 

“Everyday.” Jing Yuan admits after a moment. Any admission from him is hard earned. 

“Oh.”

You blink, and cry all over again because you feel silly and foolish all over. He hushes you, petting over your cheeks, back, hips— anywhere he can reach. He’s good at soothing, knowing what strokes to provide and where. 

“Did you think I didn’t worry?”

“I—I don’t know,” You shake your head. “You had more important things to worry about, right? And— and you were recovering.”

“I asked to see you, you know.”

“... I was told.”

“What did you think that meant?”

“... I don’t know.” You don’t. “I just— I was being a coward. I was scared to see the extent of your injuries before the ship was repaired fully. I wanted— I wanted things to be okay. I didn’t want to go to the surface and see that Vidyadhara who saved you.” 

“... Dan Heng?”

“Sure.” Lizard. Fucker. 

“... You’re jealous?”

“No.” Oh, yes. Entirely. “I just— he got to carry you. I have to join the Cloud Knights and get strong enough to do so myself. It’s only fair. You’re mine, not some lizard’s.”

Jing Yuan looks startled, then his expression softens. 

You besmirch the not-quite outlander easily. You do not know him— you’ve heard whispers. Nothing from Jing Yuan, and you do not pry at his past (and he doesn’t pry at yours.) You know they have a connection from before your time on the Luofu. You don’t fully know its nature, but judging by the passing... grief that Jing Yuan wears, if only for a moment, you can guess. Infer.

(Something of lovers. Almost lovers. If nothing else, Jing Yuan cared for him very much.)

“You needn’t worry about Dan Heng, dear,” he gently. says. “Such things are in the past now. He has moved onto a different shore, and is quite happy on the Astral Express.”

“... He’s not coming to steal you?”

“No,” he laughs, looking mournful again. “I’m certain he has no interest in such things.”

He speaks so sadly. Not heartbroken, it’s not that fresh. He speaks through a wound with a type of melancholy that resonates in your chest like a minor chord. You resist the urge to say, ‘I’m sorry for your loss.’ 

“Do you wish he would?”

Jing Yuan pauses.

“No.” He shakes his head, “Not anymore. We have both grown.”

And he pets over your cheek before kissing you. You know he’s telling you the truth. 

...

Jing Yuan does not allow haste, and neither do you. Perhaps, you both are feeling fragile. You keep breaking each other open, only to help the other reassemble their pieces a moment later. 

Jing Yuan enjoys savoring physical contact, regardless of circumstance or propriety. He steals touches in public in a way that’s indulgent, but never overt. He licks into your mouth with the pace like cooling honey. Each does is meant to brand. You’re meant to feel it, feel him, for as long as the moment will allow. He savors you with hitches of his own breath, a desperation of his own bubbling under his surface. 

You can be a bit shy when he truly gluts himself this way. It’s so overt. It tears something in you, and reveals a squishy, softer center that you’re anxious to show anyone. Even a lover like Jing Yuan who has shown you time and time again there is nothing to fear, other than his own foolhardy decisions. 

Jing Yuan probably likes it when he gets to be this slow. Peeling back layer after layer of you, forcing you to luxuriate in the unfamiliar warmth, and be reminded that he is there and sturdy. 

Jing Yuan is laid between your thighs, your legs over his shoulder. His thick forearm is braced across your navel, your hand held in his. Your fingers are intertwined. His other hand pets at the back of your thighs as you shudder. 

You’re sensitive.

Jing Yuan eats your cunt with the pace of a man who has nothing to lose, no phases of the moon to observe, and something to prove. He laps at your center, squeezing your hand with each jolt of your hips against his mouth.

The stroke of his tongue is slow and unhurried. He’s enjoying himself, savoring your taste, humming and groaning when you inadvertently grind against his mouth. During a more routine fuck, Jing Yuan enjoys when you anchor yourself with a grip in his hair and fuck his face. Any impulse you could have to indulge in such a way tonight is quelled. His grip is unyielding on your hand. Your free hand is tangled in the sheets, occasionally shakily pushing Jing Yuan’s mane away from his forehead so you can watch him tongue fuck you with the pace of the lazy, sunbathing cat.

You drop your head to the nest of pillows behind you with a groan and throw your arm over your eyes.

Jing Yuan chuckles against your cunt and flicks his tongue over your clit. He sucks and you want to sob. He hasn’t let you built up to any release— it’s long form teasing, it’s torture. You can feel how wet you are between your thighs, sticky from your own slick and his saliva. You’re messy.

(This is how Jing Yuan prefers it anyways.)

Jing Yuan had made a point to tease you in your thin panties before putting his mouth on you at all. Stroking over the fabric, barely dipping his fingers under the thin, lace waistband. He kissed your covered pussy until you were almost tearing the sheets in your balled up fists. 

Jing Yuan still hasn’t put anything inside of you. You know it will be— tight. Jing Yuan has large hands and a proportionally large cock (that most Xianzhou Alliance gossip forums still undersize). Part of his slowness is necessary. 

The tip of a finger teases your hole and you kick at his back in surprise.

“F-Finally giving in?”

“I’m not giving in at all,” Jing Yuan pulls away from your cunt to speak, wet and sloppy around his mouth. Eyes half-lidded and so, so content. “I’ve never had anything other than the intention to open you on my tongue and my fingers. What gave you any other impression?”

“Bastard.”

He nips the apex of your thigh and you yip.

“Yours.”

You smile, stupid and a little love drunk, and stroke his hair, “Mine.”

Jing Yuan’s gaze darkens for a moment— something passes there. A thought you can’t read from him or glean anything from. The headiness of the moment temporarily breaks, and for an instant you think that something is wrong. You almost push yourself off the bed in a fit of concern—

But Jing Yuan begins the slow press of his finger into your cunt. 

You gasp and squirm, flinching almost. Jing Yuan bears his weight on your waist and keeps you in place as you do, intently watching your expression and parted, wet lips. You’re flayed. It’s just a finger, but it feels big. His fingers are big— a bit calloused, but softer than you’d think.

As he sinks the digit into you, you pant. He kisses your clit, encouraging you to open up for him, murmuring little words of praise that sit in your brain pleasantly but are hard to make distinct. You go slack into the mound of pillows as his mouth returns to your cunt, the single finger fully inside you, resting as you tremble. 

With a suck to your clit, he crooks the finger up.

It feels good. The spot is tender. Jing Yuan knows just where to apply pressure, the pace and angle are so, so good. He’s memorized this part of you. A month apart isn’t going to remove that knowledge. 

He teases you like this— never letting you rise too close to release. The roiling tendrils of arousal in your gut stay there, like stoked embers without tinder to light anew. You take it— you take what he gives you. You relish each touch, lick, and kiss.

“Jing Yuan—” You gasp his name as he removes the single finger to begin to stretch you with two.

Two is— it’s a lot. Normally, it wouldn’t be. Maybe, you’d beg for more, and beg for more faster. But now, two stings and aches on your insides. You claw at his hair and whine in the back of your throat. Jing Yuan hushes you and spits on his fingers, the extra bit of lubrication helping somewhat, but you’re tight and wound.

“Are you alright?” Jing Yuan asks as he massages the most sensitive spot in your cunt. He asks genuinely, not as a tease.

“‘S tight,” You squeeze out, wiggling your hips. 

“Am I being gentle enough?”

“Uh-huh,” You pet over his forehead. “Thank you?”

“Of course.” Jing Yuan chuckles. “Does it feel good?’

“Y-Yeah,” You whine as Jing Yuan curls his fingers, thumb pressed against your clit and rolling the pearl of itl. “I-It’s unfair.”

“What’s unfair?” 

“That you make me feel s-so good,” You don’t know how else to articulate it. The feral thing in your chest crawls over your body once more, and jerks your hips for more of his touch. You urge his fingers deep, wordlessly beg for more pressure against your cunt.

“You’re so sweet,” Jing Yuan coos, rising to his knees and taking one of your legs with him. Your middle falls open. It feels... vulnerable. You feel exposed and sliced. Your stomach churns for a moment. You nearly ask Jing Yuan to stop.

(Except, Jing Yuan has fucked you enough times to know that you don’t enjoy the physical vulnerability of your sensitive core. It sets you off. He knows that you prefer to cuddle with his massive hand against your belly. He knows you even wear clothes that provide some protection, billowing fabrics and belts. You’re a sensitive thing.)

He slides his broad hand over your belly, and presses down as he leisurely pumps his fingers in and out of your core. The pressure of it burns— scalds you and your arousal feels white hot. He’s prodding you from the inside and the outside, and you feel something bubbling up.

“You’re close,” Jing Yuan says with a catlike smile. “Would you like to come?”

“P-Please—”

Jing Yuan hums, slowing, almost ruining the impending crest, but clicks his tongue and continues. It’s a farce, a little game he’s playing, and much to your (enjoyed) frustration, you’re his other player.

“I would love to hear you beg,” Jing Yuan croons, leaning over your form, bending your leg at an angle that is unfair in all regards. “But, I’d also like to be kind tonight. I think you deserve it— you need it, don’t you?”

“I—” You do. His hand quickens and with his other, he braces behind one of your knees. He ducks down to retake his place between your thighs, eating your cunt with a persistence and vigor that has your eyes roll back in your head. He drills your insides with a deep, steady rhythm that. Maybe could get you pregnant.

Who's to say. 

“I’m—” You gasp, ready to beg regardless of what Jing Yuan wants or expects from you. You want to give him everything. 

“That’s it. Let go.” He beckons you and you break. 

Your orgasm slams into you. The teasing and playful edging made you sensitive and like a livewire. When you finally cum, you choke on your own breath, eyes rolling back into your head, and you shove your face into a pillow to muffle the half-sobbed moans that spill from your lips out of your control.

Jing Yuan continues his ministrations through it. Dutifully. Unyielding, even as you twitch with oversensitivity and wisps of exhaustion.

He gently lowers your trembling leg with a sweet smile. He pets you like a cat.

“You’re beautiful.” He says, softened in a way you only get to see. 

“Thank you.” Your words slur as he settles beside you, tucking next to you. 

He’s hard— so hard that there’s a wet patch on his bottoms from pooling pre. You can feel the length of him against your thigh, and you reach for him. You should really grab some oil—

Jing Yuan stops you with a gentle hand on your wrist. 

“Slow, remember?” He reminds you with a grin that is mischievous. “Let’s take a break, just for a moment.”

“Are you sure?” You look down. 

The bulge of him makes your mouth water. 

“Entirely.” He brings your hand to his lips, pressing a reverent kiss to your wrist. “How about a quick snack, hm? I can fetch some fruit to cut.” 

“... That would be nice.”

“Would you like peaches?”

“P-Please.” Your voice is watery and small. Jing Yuan looks smitten to hear the tone. “... Meldberries too? And apples?”

“Of course,” Jing Yuan looks happy. Relieved. Deflated in a way that makes you realize that he had been so tense before. Since you met him in the gardens, haggard and exhausted.

(You’re in his bed, sated and watery and being taken care of.)

“Can I come to the kitchen with you?” 

“Are you sure you can walk?” Jing Yuan teases, thumbing at your trembling inner thigh, littered with fresh bruises.

“I can now—” you huff, playfully indignant. “We should bring some back. For... later. When I can’t walk. Hopefully.”

“Hopefully?” Jing Yuan tilts his head, eyes half-lidded and amused. 

“Oh, don’t act so innocent!” You laugh and headbutt him lightly. If you had more energy, you’d play fight with him and ruffle the sheets up more than they already are. “I’m sure you’d like me immobile by the time you and your ridiculous cock are through with me.”

“... Ridiculous cock?” Jing Yuan can’t hide the laughter in his voice, or the flush on his cheeks. “So cruel.”

“I— I forgot how big it is.”

“I’m still covered, dearest.”

You gesture, panicked, below the covers to the bulge and still growing wet spot, “Your dick is close to the size of my forearm, Jing Yuan. I can see it without... seeing it.”

“You’re so complimentary.” He practically giggles. “So sweet. I had forgotten how sweet orgasm makes you. Or, is this your fatigue talking?”

“... Both? I missed you.” You say, using your un-held hand to pat Jing Yuan’s covered cock with a smile. “Missed this too.”

Jing Yuan almost squeaks at the unexpected contact. He apparently is just as sensitive as you. He hides his light blush in your neck, and you can’t help but laugh, and think about how sweet the peaches will be when cut by your lover’s hands and shared from the same plate.

...

Jing Yuan keeps his word. The early evening stretches into late evening, every touch and sensation coaxed and unhurried. Slow-stretched sugar, lest it shatters. 

In the kitchen, Jing Yuan cuts you a plate of peaches while you rest on his lap, watching the hypnotic carving of his knife with half-lidded eyes. He feeds you slices on a small fruit fork while sending off a message or two from his jade abacus. He carries half a dozen other fruits back to his bedroom and prods you for a more substantial meal order at some point. 

You finish off the last few slices while draped in his robe, dazed from your previous high. You feel— out of it. Raw and scraped out. Not much different from how you felt during your time in the utility tunnels, but instead of feverishly working, you’re in the warmly light room of your lover. His warm hand is splayed on the small of your back, rubbing little circles. 

You want to ask him:

“How do you do this?”

And Jing Yuan, mirthful, would say:

“Do what?”

And you would say:

“This.”

This: 

The way your mind resists fullness, empty by familiar nature. You’ve been cored, like the apple Jing Yuan dutifully cut and fed to you. Your thighs continue to shake. You’re bruised, marked, all his, in a way that cows and strokes the feral part of your mind still half-convinced this is all an elaborate illusion.

How could any of this be a fabrication? When Jing Yuan is so warm behind you, happy to bask in your presence while you bask in his. Jing Yuan’s contentment is infectious, it always is— but so quickly, he has stripped you of your ability to parry it. You can’t hold concern. You can barely hold your body upright. You want to fall into him, ask to take more, and hold him until you simply can’t anymore.

You do not ask Jing Yuan how he undoes you. Predicting the conversation seems— easy. Too easy. (Probably because calibrating a machine meant to sustain a civilization for weeks on end does damage that’s yet to be fully healed. Prediction is a symptom of overuse, divination a side effect. A cumbersome one.) You can imagine the way Jing Yuan would dance with his words, effortlessly sparring in a way that you simply couldn’t keep up with. You are already disarmed. You need his candor, and nothing is more honest than the General’s body.

“Come here.” Jing Yuan beckons you into the sheets to lay with him properly.

(It’s uncanny how he can predict your needs like a diviner himself.)

You follow his direction and let him tug you into his side. Your cheek rests over his chest, soft and a little rounder than it was when you first met him. He’s gained weight since then— which is good. He’s always been bulky under his uniform and regalia, toned muscle from centuries of training and sparring. But there wasn’t much else to him— he used to skip meals if it was too inconvenient to eat. If you were sharing a plate, he’d offer you a larger portion.

It was something so slightly self-deprecating. At first, you hadn’t noticed it. Jing Yuan is not a proud man, he is keen and clever in all regards— but his ego has stayed in check for as long as he’s been Arbiter-General. He commits this quiet act of self-harm, so miniscule that most wouldn’t bat an eye. His lack of appetite was a manifestation of some burden— as he will continue to live and slowly waste away, why should his body not as well?

You’d like to think you’d broken him of his destructive eating habits. Or, at least contributed. Warm meals, arm-in-arm snacking on street foods at night. Vendors are always happy to give the Divine Foresight a free treat, even if he offers them strales every time. He eats well around you, and you know it extends farther. He takes lunches with Yanqing at least once a week. There’s a stash of homemade honey oats and dried apricots stowed in his desk. 

You are glad he eats. That he is full. 

You appreciate the feel of him under your fingertips, how he has softened and grown a bit less worn during his own leave. He deserves a vacation. Maybe, you’ll sit on his cock and beg him to fucking retire with the promise you’ll be happy to stay that way for as long as he pleases if he does. Anything to keep him this lax and soft. You want to commit it to memory, but you still feel fuzzy.

“Enjoying yourself?” He laughs as he speaks, busying himself with the tacky skin on the nape of your neck. He pets you there.

“Yes.” You grab his chest, thumbing dangerously close to his nipple. “You feel nice.”

“I’m glad.” Jing Yuan says, tone curling and smitten. You feel drunk with it. He hums. “You seem a bit lost. May I guide you back here?”

“I don’t think I am.” You pout. “I’m here.”

“Are you sure?” 

“... Fairly sure.”

“May I try anyway?” Jing Yuan asks. “It would make me very happy too.”

There’s no harm to it, really.

“I’ll be good.” He adds and holds your wrist so tenderly in his palm. “I’ll be gentle with you.”

Jing Yuan drags the thin skin of your wrist over his lips, kissing the flesh as he does. It’s reverent, slow as he promised. He peeks up at you as he does, a curtain of his silver hair almost obscuring the warm gold of his eyes. There’s want there, so caramelized that it makes you ache. 

Jing Yuan rolls you, so that he’s above you, sitting over your hips. It’s— not too heavy. The weight of him is comforting if nothing else. The heat of him is grounding as he hovers over you, nosing at your jaw, nipping bruised skin. He licks the brutal bite he left earlier and you yip. You don’t have it in you to chastise him for it— you— you maybe like it too much to do so. 

Like this, it’s easier to notice how Jing Yuan wants. How his hand is sliding between over your sternum, between your breasts, down the soft line of your belly and navel, and back up again. It’s slow, radiating a yearning that sinks down into your organs heat from a hearth. He thumbs over the line of your throat and kisses you.

He’s more insistent now, licking into your mouth immediately, keeping his rhythm slow and actions drawn out. 

Jing Yuan pulls back just enough to speak, warm breath over your lips, “You’re doing so well.”

You feel warm in your cheeks and tug him closer. If only you burrow in his flesh bones, flush the marrow out to replace it with yourself. You’d do it if it meant keeping him upright for longer. 

“I’m right here.” Jing Yuan hushes you, gathering your wrists in one hand. You hadn’t realized desperate little keens were leaking from your throat, soaking the room. Jing Yuan doesn’t seem to mind. “No need to fuss. You’re alright.”

“You’re sure?” You ask, you feel out of your body. 

Jing Yuan knows this and he tethers you to him with a kiss and firm touch, “I’m sure. You trust me, don’t you?”

“So much,” you admit. 

Jing Yuan looks down at your softly, expression beginning to shatter. He is a difficult man to work with— he wears many faces, several hats, and speaks in riddles more often than not. To receive his honesty is— a fucking gift. You want to hold it in your hands and swallow it. His hair falls over his face as he peers down at you, thumbing over the lines of your throat.

“You’re so good.” He says gently, quiet. Like it’s a secret for the two of you. “You’d do anything I’d ask you to right now, wouldn’t you?”

You nod, then think about what he asked. You still would. Probably. Maybe give him some grief along the way, “As long as you’re not too mean about it.”

“Oh?” He teases. He teases, even now. Even when your core is exposed and you’re bare and he’s stalling despite being hard against your thigh. “You’re still so sweet when I’m a bit mean. I think you enjoy it.” 

A broken, nearly-pathetic noise drips from your lips. You clutch at his arms and try to bury your face in the sheets. Your face feels so warm, it's making you dizzy.

“No need to be shy,” he sounds smitten, a smile bleeding into his tone. He kisses you with it, again and again until you’re breathless and stupid once more. He pulls back until you’re nose to nose, hand drifting to the apex of your thighs. 

You squirm, bucking your hips, urging him closer. 

“Patience, love, I’ll give you what you need.” He tells you and kisses the corner of your mouth. You believe him.

Jing Yuan settles himself between your thighs, holding them open with his own. He is not a small man, and it leaves you very exposed. More exposed than you would like, and it makes something in you writhe. Jing Yuan hushes you, soothes you as he’s so good at doing as he drenches his fingers in oil.

(The first time you fucked, you did not do this step. Oil and any type of lubricant was skipped, and you paid the price the next morning with a bit of light bleeding and an ache that would send Jing Yuan to the Alchemy Commission to fetch some specialty painkillers. He was very apologetic the morning after, guilt-ridden even. At some point, he started carrying little vials on his person and insisting lubricant be used regardless of how impromptu of a lay it was.)

(That is all to say that Jing Yuan’s cock is huge and has the capability to break you.)

He presses a finger into you— it goes in easily, slides with the aid of lubricant and your own slick.

“Oh,” Jing Yuan breathes, gaze drifting from your parted lips to the finger he sinks into you. “You’re so wet.”

You want to be snarky. Of course you are, he’s already had you on his tongue earlier in the day— now, he’s been teasing you, playing with you, and being sweet with you. How could you not be? It’s the only natural response to your lover treating you in such a way.

However, you do not get a chance to show him any sass as he crooks his finger upwards and rubs the pad of his thumb in a familiar pattern, little circles over your clit. A gasping moan spills from your lips and Jing Yuan holds you down with his free hand on your hips. He pets you when you shake and yearn for more too quickly. 

“‘S okay?” You ask.

“Very.” Jing Yuan smiles, beaming, almost purring. “I’ll tell you if it isn’t.”

“Okay.” You nod, feeling wrung out already. Beads of sweat rise between your breasts and drip down your skin. 

Jing Yuan must notice too, as he ducks forward to lick a firm strip over your tacky skin, groaning as he does before moving to one of your nipples. He kisses around the bud, nips just enough to make you fuss, before wrapping his lips around it. He bites, sucks, and groans into you as he does. 

You pet through his hair, scrapping your nails down his neck and back. Marking him however you can.

Jing Yuan pulls away from you, panting, and kisses you hard on the mouth. It’s a clash, really. Harsher and more desperate than he usually would give you. He’s usually not this messy, but your teeth clack together awkwardly and you swallow around the discomfort. Jing Yuan is quick to correct himself, deepening the kiss more sweetly as if to apologize. 

He slips a second finger inside your cunt, next to the first, drenching your hole in slick and lube. It’s— messy. It is wet. The sound is obscene, even if Jing Yuan is being slow and gentle with your most delicate parts. Arousal pools in your gut, and want makes you feel like a sinking puddle, spreading out over the sheets like you’re going to absorb into Jing Yuan’s lavish mattress. 

You open up for him, relax with the contact and let him take care of you as he wishes.

He presses another finger into you— this one stings, despite the preparation and slick drenching you down your thighs and the sheets below you. He moves slowly, kissing your cheeks and hushing you when you whine. 

“I’ve got you,” He smiles, and drags his lips over your cheeks. It’s reassuring, and something blooms from the base of your spine up to your throat. He gives you playfully chomp over the apple of one and you let out a little laugh. It bubbles up out of you and Jing Yuan shares it with his own deeper one.

He fans out his fingers inside you, slowly, with each thrust. It’s measured, practiced. Despite the time apart. 

Jing Yuan is hard against your leg. You can feel him, though Jing Yuan is still wearing his own robe and silks which simply will not do. Tugging, you drag it off him, and push yourself half up. You attempt to reach for his cock, you want it— him. But Jing Yuan stills his fingers inside you, clicks his tongue, and knocks you back into the mattress with a gentle (albeit firm) shove.

“Not yet.” He scolds, though there’s no bark behind it. 

You frown. “But I want you.”

“And what if I want you too?” Jing Yuan asks.

It’s something he’s never raised directly before.

He’s made such a fact known, however. You know he wants you. Jing Yuan was happy to complete a number of courting gestures, prior to becoming something of an official couple. He keeps you close, he is kind to you, he even tells you a secret or two. He fucks you like he loves you and wants you close. He leaves marks all of you, from your neck, all the way down to even your ankles and calves on occasion. He shares drinks with you in his gardens, offers you a place in his bed and somewhere in his heart, even if you’re still (after decades) understanding where that is.

But, so rarely does he state that he wants you so plainly. 

Want is dangerous. Yearning and all. Yearning must be a passing emotion if one is to resist Mara. If anything, Mara is accumulated and rotting yearning. 

Jing Yuan has lived a long life due to how he copes with yearning. 

To admit to it— it is an act of vulnerability. To admit a weakness, a thing that could tear him full of undying roots and strike him down. It is the danger of the Divine Foresight finding a partner and becoming coupled. It invites such feelings. 

You had assumed Jing Yuan hadn’t entertained such notions directly. To give them time in his mind could bring rumination. Which— could easily go sour.

“... You want me?” 

Jing Yuan tilts his head cutely, “Yes, of course. Was that not obvious?”

“I inferred,” You feel sticky and sloppy as Jing Yuan withdraws his fingers. 

He climbs off the bed, only for a moment. He shucks off the last of his clothing, leaving him bare. Candle light casts shadows over the contours of him. His cock looks— painfully hard. As he climbs back into bed, it bobs, swollen and dark red at the head. Almost purpling. It’s slick with pre that is still beading from his slit.

“... Can I suck you off?” You ask, a bit entranced. “Please?”

“Not now,” He tells you with a laugh. “Later, if you ask me nicely again.”

“Okay.” You can do that. 

Jing Yuan huffs out another laugh with a shake of his head, “Insatiable thing.”

“I missed you.” You tell him. Your voice is watery. Your own admission.

Jing Yuan flips you by your midsection, coaxing you to raise your hips enough to sandwich a few silk pillows between your hips and the bed. His hands linger over the bruises on your hips, then slide down the swell of your ass to the backs of your thighs. He pets you until you’re relaxed, boneless.

He parts from you over for a moment, rummaging through a nearby cupboard for oil. You hear him slick his cock. The sound makes you squeeze your thighs together and bury your face in the sheets. 

Jing Yuan surprises you by pressing a finger into you from behind. A sound rips from your throat as he finds your sweet spots, adding another finger quickly, then a third. You’re drenched between your thighs, so slick you feel drunk. Jing Yuan positions your legs a little wider and settles between them. 

“D-Don’t aggravate your injury,” You remember, beginning to push yourself up. A moment of lucidity as you can sense Jing Yuan lining him up. “Not on my account.”

“I won’t.” He promises, running a hand down your back from tailbone to nape to coax you back against the mattress. He presses a kiss to the base of your spine. “Always so caring and diligent.”

“I—” You cut yourself off as the head of his cock teases your folds. Rubbing. “Jing Yuan—”

“I want you.” Jing Yuan tells you, doubling back, bumping against your clit as you moan. 

“Y-You can have me,” You want to see his face, rub his cheeks. “You do have me. You’re mine and I’m yours.”

Damning yourselves.

Can’t the General be selfish in lieu of his looming retirement? Can’t the Master Calibrator enjoy the company of others, and not the mechanical hum of a God Ship?

“I have you?” Jing Yuan asks, beginning to push into you.

You can’t reply— you can’t. Despite the prep, and oil, and arousal all together, it’s still tight. Jing Yuan is thick enough that it’s outlandish, and you’re feeling every inch of that girth as he enters you. You clutch your balled-up hands in the soft sheets near your head. You try to keep your breathing even but it’s hard. Jing Yuan pets down your sides, leaning over your back, whispering little words of praise and encouragement as you take him. 

“You’re so lovely. Look how well you’re doing.”

“You’re going to take all of me.”

“I’ll be gentle. I’ll be good to you.”

He is, and you don’t mean to cry, you don’t, but you do when he bottoms out, and you can feel him so, so deep, it’s in your throat. The heat of him inside you is searing. You’re changed. You’re being carved out by him anew, and he wants you. 

“You h-have me,” You tell him. You scrambled a hand behind you, shaking as you brace yourself against the bed. You manage to get a handful of his head and drag him down over your back. “Jing Yuan, please have me.”

You’ll beg for it; shame has been lost.

You want to stay here. In his bed. By his side. You want him to want the same with you. Not with old flames. You don’t want Jing Yuan to deny himself pleasure in the face of duty, as if the two cannot exist. As if rules cannot be bent or changed by the hand that rules them or the Calibrator who tweaks the vessel that you both live on. Things change. It is the nature of life and starshine.

Even with the Xianzhou Natives' lifetime, they are bound to grow, endlessly. 

Jing Yuan pauses above you, stills so deep in you. You’re worried for a moment you’ve crossed a line. That your desperation has spurred him away, rather than closer. It terrifies you. It grips you so hard that it feels like your heart could shatter to pieces.

(Your worry is misplaced.)

Jing Yuan lets out a shuddering sigh, pulling out almost completely. You panic (“no, no, no, don’t, ‘M sorry”) and nearly flip over to try and recover the situation. However— you’re mistaken.

He groans as he slams back into you, curling over your back, gathering you up in his arms, and rolling his hips. He’s scraping the insides of you. You’re raw. 

“N-No apologies,” His voice breaks. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Y—You offer me yourself so sweetly. I only feel guilty that—” 

He cuts himself off with another deep thrust that punches a broken sound out of you. Tears begin to drip down your cheeks.

“No guilt—”

“I feel guilty,” Jing Yuan punctuates his words with a cant of his hips that has you going slack in his arms, ragdolled by pleasure, “that you think you must beg to be had. I feel immensely guilty that you could have any doubt toward me as a lover.”

He guides you back down to the bed, steadying himself with a searing palm on the back of your neck and a hand leveraged on your lower back.

You really won’t be able to walk tomorrow. 

“I don’t doubt y-you like that.”

(It’s less about some nebulous insecurity you keep as his lover, and more about the solid knowledge that Jing Yuan is so careful with his connections. You cannot believe yourself to be the exception.)

(Sometimes, you doubt that he has any tether to anyone. Like he’s waiting to die. No matter how fond he is of you, that this will supersede it. It damns his well being. It damns the future. But, how steadfast does it make the present? You’d like to think its enough for him to keep you as company due to legitimate desire and care, rather than balming of some wound as your insecurities tell you it could be.)

In retrospect, you’ll feel foolish for thinking so little of Jing Yuan’s feelings toward you. 

He grabs you by your cheeks in one hand, craning your neck back to face him the best you can on your tummy. He levels his face with yours, nose to nose. Eyes alight. He looks... almost angry. Jaw tight, seated and still inside you to the hilt. You’re full— bursting at the seams, but you have enough lucidity to focus your vision and see how pained he looks. Pained and enraptured, loving and loved. He’s bound up with it, the same way that you are. 

“If I could, I would keep you in this bed. If not this bed, then the gardens I would follow you into your tunnels and learn the harmonies and chords you know, even if I couldn’t keep a tune. I would keep you full like this. I would cut you stone fruit whenever you’d like something sweet.”

It’s a declaration. It might as well be a proposal.

You don’t get a chance to reply. Your breath is knocked out of you, like every thought and fear and insecurity that you’ve been shouldering. Jing Yuan fucks you with the full force of his hips, thighs bracketed with your own. It hurts— barely. Enough that you’ll feel it for days and carry a limp for just as long. 

His pace is quick and deep. He’s not chasing— he’s creating. Marking a spot inside you that’s just for him. Only him. It makes you feel giddy and stupid and you laugh through the tears streaming down your cheeks. It’s— all a lot. Jing Yuan keeps you tucked so close, pressing you into the silks sheets. He breathes through his mouth, panting against the back of your neck , sucking more marks into the skin, darkening the preexisting ones. Claiming, in a way that feels different from the hickeys he had given you in the past. 

You sob as he tilts your hips up. He drills downward, hitting your sweet spot with each thrust. You’re— you’re going to explode. The friction of the pillows below your hips isn’t enough to come,but Jing Yuan drilling your insides is getting you close to something. It feels like a peak you’re not meant to climb, and you sob at the sensation. Like you’re free falling.

Jing Yuan holds you closer, wrapping an arm around your midsection, and the feeling disappears.

He sneaks a hand to your cunt. First he feels where you’re joined. The sticky, sloppy mess of pre, slick and lube that you’ve made. You’ll need another bath. Maybe two. He runs gentle fingers along the seam of your cunt, where he’s slowed his thrusts so he can feel where you’re practically tethered together. 

“Taking me so well,” Jing Yuan is breathless. He rubs your clit, bracing himself over your front, and fucks you so wonderfully that your vision begins to darken at the edges.

It’s unfair how quickly he gets you to your peak, touching you like this. He knows your body, and you squeeze down around him with a cry as you crest. Your cunt clamps down as the knots in your gut unfurl. You jolt back with the sensation, overwhelming and all consuming. Jing Yuan moans behind you, a beautiful sound you want to have so committed to memory so that even when you’re riddled with mara, you’ll remember the sound. 

Jing Yuan doesn’t chase his relief, he lays over your back like a blanket as you shake through the aftershocks of your orgasm and fucks you slow and deep. He only hastens when you let out a warbling little sound, something hurt from your bruised insides making themselves known.

He quiets you with a soft, dragged out whisper of praise. He thrusts harder— faster— and moments later there’s a gush of warmth in your guts that makes your eyes roll back into your head. You want to come again, and you can’t help the temptation to reach down and get off, just once— more.

Jing Yuan nearly growls as you do. He bats your hand away, flips you so you’re belly up. Your hips are raised on the mound of pillows and it hits you what he intends to do.

To have both of you.

He throws your legs over his shoulders. Your thighs shake around his cheeks as he gives them a quick kiss, before diving into his meal. He moans and groans into your cunt, out of breath from fucking you still, but no-less diligent. He fucks his cum back into your with a thick finger for a few thrust, just barely— you’ll be too sore and he knows it. 

He eats his release from your cunt. It’s— debauched. It’s so, so much and you can’t do anything other than writhe and tug at his hair. Your hips hurt, but you still find it in you to grind against his mouth. It’s— one of his favorite things. He likes to be used sometimes. This is one of his favorite flavors, when his tongue is inside of you and you drag him closer by his hair and let the friction bring you to orgasm, however long it takes.

You, truthfully, do not have much left in your body to chase this. 

Jing Yuan must know this, or he is feeling similarly— or both. Probably both. You’re too floaty and gone to tell. You’re still crying as he moves to your clit, licks and sucks until you fall apart on his tongue once more, full and sated with him. 

Both had by each other. 

You fall into the bed sheets as you finish, dragging a sweaty Jing Yuan closer. So close. He keeps you closer still, over his chest, cheek pillows on the swell of his pec (breast) and a dusting of silver hair. You’re shaking from the high— so is he. You feel like you’re going to fall into a million pieces.

(It reminds you, briefly, of how it felt when you first dropped into the utility tunnels, after the calibration apprentice went Mara-Struck. How you felt so— alone— gone. How fragile you felt sprinting through the tunnels with the knowledge that your world was being torn apart by forces beyond your control.)

(You felt small and helpless.)

The feeling is quickly extinguished— or maybe made to feel pleasurable. Jing Yuan practically purrs underneath you, petting you, stroking over your new bruises and marks. You keep a hand buried in his hair, petting over his cheeks. Staying lucid— is hard. The last thing you clearly remember was hopelessly fond, adoring, gold eyes, gazing back at you so lovingly, that they could remake you.

Perhaps, they already have.

It’s sometime later, in one of Jing Yuan’s gardens. This one is nestled, lush, in the large courtyard in the center of his home. A pond gurgles with the bubble of fat fish that swim near the surface of the water. You fed them earlier and they’re still looping, searching for an extra snack.

You lay some distance away from the pond on a blanket that Jing Yuan has designated as your ‘outside blanket’ as it is particularly large (tall enough for him to sprawl out on and more than wide enough to fit the both of you) and thick. Your head is pillowed on Jing Yuan’s arm as he is curled toward you, legs tangled with your own. It’s late afternoon, and the General is taking one of his beloved naps. You’ve taken to combing a hand through his hair, scratching along his scalp and behind his ear and contenting yourself with the little sighs and almost-purrs he lets you. 

It is good to rest.

Your leave has, overall, been quite restful. Mostly. Aside from the times that Jing Yuan cannot keep his hands of you and you end up fucking whereever is convenient before retiring to your (now shared) bedroom. The bouts leave you tired and worn, but in a satisfying way. Jing Yuan has been particularly dutiful and attentive post-fuck, always handing you chilled water to sip and offering a treat. Sometimes a fruit or a candy he has apparently been stashing away. He gives you as many kisses as you can bear, and you return the gesture as much as you’re able.

Jing Yuan has become... handiser. Needier. You’d say clingier, but as much as he tends to cling when he’s around his estate with you, it never feels overbearing. He indulges in closeness with you in a way that feels shameless in the best way. 

It’s the same in public. You’ve gone to the night markets, once or twice to indulge in street foods, and Jing Yuan is equally as touchy, albeit it’s more subtle. A hand on your lower back, standing behind you while he orders with an arm wrapped around your waist. You hold hands when you walk, or you loop an arm through his elbow if it's particularly crowded. He did these things before, but they seem more... necessary. Like he has to keep you close. The contact he shares with you is firmer. Richer, even. He’s always been intentional with you, it's his nature, but now his actions have taken on a different shape. Intentionally showing want, rather than showing closeness.

It creates both a softness and an edge to him that you are thoroughly enjoying.

There’s softness in how lax he is next to you, dozing the afternoon away after completing the bare minimum of work for the day. His cheeks are rounder, and a bit rosy. It’s warm today. It’s the softness of skinship, how you’re both seeking out each other’s barest parts, even if it's only for a moment or two of skin-to-skin contact. It’s how his care is so explicit these days. 

The edge of it is how the General is anxious, perhaps. It’s a possessive flavor that Jing Yuan has, perhaps, always has, but is simply more apparent now. His touches in public flaunt the fact that you’re clearly a couple, nevermind what gossip magazines and street whisperers will say. It’s the consistent marks he leaves on you— those visible hickeys on your neck, down to the dark, sore ones he leaves on your inner thighs and the softness of your stomach. It’s the way he commissioned a set of earrings, one for each of you to wear. 

(He had looked a bit melancholy, just for a moment, when he first presented you with them. Like a memory had surfaced but then was quickly let go and set adrift in favor of the present.)

The set is crafted with gold connected with a flat, rectangle of stone that dangles down from it. The stone is red, inlaid with gold veins. Some alloy that was probably mined on an asteroid— a rarity. They’re beautiful. You hardly know what to say when you receive yours; Jing Yuan had presented you the gift while already wearing his. 

Marking each other as each other’s. 

It’s brazen— and you like it. The beast of feeling that tore you to shreds in the utility tunnels feels far away, lately. Your extended leave has been good and you’re... grateful Jing Yuan has been quite official (and strict) about keeping you away from work.

You run the pad of your thumb under his eye. The skin is delicate, wrinkled just the slightest. It’s a tragedy, for many reasons, that you both are long-lived and cursed with Abundance. You’d like to see the crow’s feet Jing Yuan would have, if his skin did not keep itself so elastic and young.

Apparently awake, Jing Yuan grabs your wrist and brings it to his lip. He sets upon you with a lazy smile. His eyes open, just halfway, and he looks at you, so adoring.

“Are your thoughts entertaining?” Jing Yuan asks, gentle as he holds you closer. “You seem quite lost in them.”

You hum, kissing his jaw with a drag of your lips, “Not lost. Just reflecting.”

Jing Yuan hums himself, nosing into your temple. Then your hairline, where he leaves a line of kisses in his wake. You shudder with the feather-light feeling.

“Would you like to share?” Jing Yuan asks. “Or, perhaps take a rest with me? Though I am very appreciative of the head massage, I do believe you could use a rest. Unless you wish to take a stroll, and turn in early?”

“A stroll sounds lovely in a bit. I don’t mind sharing, though,” you answer. 

Jing Yuan smiles against your skin. You wish it could brand you, “I’m listening, whenever you’d like.”

You gather your words for a moment. It takes— a second. A long one. The Dragon Lady says that you’re experiencing some lasting effects from being attuned to the Quantum fields for too long in the wake of the Stellaron Crisis. She seemed confident your impairments would heal but your mind is that of a mortal. It will take time.

Jing Yuan is ever patient with you.

“I suppose I’m grateful,” You tell him. “I am glad I have a space in your life, and I am grateful that you show it to me in the ways that you do. I would be— very sad, if I was not by your side, I think.”

It is a simple way to put something much larger.

Jing Yuan seems to understand regardless.

He takes a deep breath, then squeezes you to his chest. It forces the air from your lungs in a way that makes you light-headed.

“How kind are you.” Jing Yuan sighs, nuzzling into your hair. “To think of me so sweetly, without prompting. I’m very fortunate to have you as a lover. I hope you know that.”

“I try to remind myself.”

“Do I need to remind you more myself?” Jing Yuan asks, his smile turning a bit mischievous. He rolls himself over you, caging you. “I’m happy to.”

“You’ll spoil me!” You laugh and bat at his chest, slipping your arms over his shoulders, locking your hands behind his neck.

“I quite like having you spoiled.” Jing Yuan contends with a cute tilt of his head. “I should resolve to spoil you more, actually. Do you have any ideas on how to do so? I’m happy to listen.”

“Jing Yuan—” You huff with an uncontainable grin. Your heart is going to burst from your chest. You would let it. You’d let Jing Yuan take its place. You practically already have. 

“I think,” Jing Yuan whispers in your ear, breath warm and sweet. “I ought to keep you in bed for the afternoon, perhaps pause the plan for a stroll until later in the evening. Starfire flies have been gathering in one of the gardens near the Exalting Sanctum— what do you say to a post-coital jaunt?”

“I mean—” You flush and bump your nose into his cheek, like a cat giving ample affection. “I don’t think I’ll be properly spoiled if I can still walk after you’re through with me.”

“So, I’ll carry you? That’s doable.”

“No— I mean— You can—” 

“I’m teasing you,” Jing Yuan murmurs with a tone so sweet and warm, you could melt into the soft blanket and soil below you. “Whatever you’d like. We can decide along the way.”

You smile.

“Yeah,” Your chest feels tight and warm and lovely all at once. Jing Yuan pulls away, and the earring that twins your own dangles, catching the falling sun in its veins of gold. “I’d like to decide along the way with you.”

It means more than this instance, it’s encompassing. To be long-lived and coupled is to tread the shallows of what could be Mara. To wear the mark of another is to dare to swim closer to the roiling beast of Abundance that none of the Xianzhou Natives can truly outrun.

But you think that, perhaps, you and Jing Yuan will be alright until that day, whenever it may be. You will spoil each other, hold each other, and take your steps while extending a patient hand to the other if they’d like to take it. You’ll listen to echoes together and learn to forget them. You’ll harmonize with stardust and Jing Yuan will play his games of many dimensional chess until he (hopefully soon) retires.

The smile that grows on your face is warm like a hearth, honeyed like a spiced tea, and kind. It splits the both of you open, and Jing Yuan kisses you like he can’t help but to do anything else. You don’t lose your grin, and you give it to him against his lips, laughing together as you share breath.

It’s sweet and lovely, you think, as Jing Yuan touches your foreheads together. You have this, and you’ll be happy to have this for as long as Fate and Aeons allow. You think that Jing Yuan will be happy too— with a coveted smile so kind given to you and a bed, shared. 

You bask in it— this. The gardens and the heat of him and the warmth in your chest, for however long you’re given. 

[asmafamily]

Hello👋

Help Asma and her family in Gaza survive

Welcome, My name is Asma Salman Abu Daf from Gaza, trapped between walls of fear, despair and extreme sadness in the shadow of the ongoing war in the Gaza Strip, I appeal to every conscientious person, compassionate heart and human being who understands the meaning of humanity to help us.

Help me overcome adversity

I am reaching out to you today as a steadfast and compassionate person facing incredible challenges, life in our region has become increasingly difficult due to the ongoing and increasing conflict day by day, and I am struggling to secure the basic necessities for our family.

Who is Asmaa and her family?

I am married to Ashraf Abu Daf, 46 years old. I am 39 years old and suffer from chronic diseases, which are Mediterranean fever and Crohn's disease. I take expensive medications and treatments for life. I have 7 children. Jana, 13 years old, suffers from chronic diseases, thalassemia, which results in short stature. She needs treatment for many years to take expensive medications. Rafeeq, 18 years old. Nour, 16 years old. Abdul Rahman, 13 years old. Muhammad, 12 years old. Ibrahim, 5 years old. Misk, 3 years old.

How has the war made our lives like hell?

We all feel fear, extreme sadness and insecurity due to the severity of the bombing and destruction we have been exposed to since the beginning of the war on Gaza until now. My young children do not sleep normally due to the severity of the fear and nightmares. My family and I live in our house that has been exposed to shells and bombing. I fled with my family several times due to repeated threats and requests to move from one place to another. My husband's income is limited and does not cover the required living expenses.

Due to the lack of good food, healthy water and the necessary medicine for our treatment, our situation has gone from bad to worse. Our lives have become threatened either by death due to bombing, shrapnel and missiles or by malnutrition, the spread of epidemics and diseases, psychological insecurity, widespread unemployment, and the lack of fuel, cooking gas and electricity.

Despite the harsh conditions and constant doubts surrounding us, I am optimistic and determined to provide a better future for my husband and children. My spirit is unbreakable, but I need help from people with a living conscience and compassionate and humane hearts to overcome the obstacles we face.

How can you help me?

My family and I aspire to build a better future for our children and ensure their safety and that we all live a decent life, and that they feel safe and stable and live in peace and reassurance. Help us achieve this dream through your generous donation, which will certainly have a great impact in saving us.

The funds collected will be used to:

• Restore the destroyed house and purchase furniture and appliances required for daily life requirements

• Food, water and medicine, and ensure that we have access to daily necessities, medical supplies and health care.

• Education, supporting my children's education by covering fees, school supplies and providing the necessary needs.

Every contribution matters.

No donation is too small, every donation brings us one step closer to relief and a better future, even if you are not able to contribute financially, sharing this campaign with your generous network can make a big difference

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Asmaa Abu Daf

[astrolovecosmos]

Venus in Aries: is hot-headed, active, sexy, independent, risky in love, spontaneous and fiery in their romantic expression, is forward, feisty, and goes after what they want. Venus in Taurus: is steadfast, loyal, warm, reliable, alluring, patient, inviting, likes to shower lovers or friends with gifts, maybe materialistic or vain, but probably rightfully so, their way or the highway. Venus in Gemini: is curious, funny, clever, talkative or social, adaptable, flirty, playful, lighthearted - witty - or whimsical, low-key a shapeshifter or enchantress, and independent. Venus in Cancer: is nurturing, intuitive, romantic, affectionate, sensitive, loyal, caring, protective, sentimental, attached, understanding, deep, mesmerizing, and empathetic. Venus in Leo: is radiant, bold, adoring, captivating, generous, magnanimous, passionate, creative, playful, devoted, romantic, and dramatic. Venus in Virgo: is analytical, practical, selective and high-standard, supportive, giving, thoughtful, observant, humble or down-to-earth, a natural kind of pretty or sophisticated, approachable, attentive, steady, and loyal. Venus in Libra: is charming, romantic, pretty, beautiful, stunning, potentially vain, materialistic, or shallow, artistic, diplomatic, smart, graceful, fair, and hopeful. Venus in Scorpio: is hypnotic, irresistible, lustful, passionate, intense, faithful, deep, unwavering, compassionate, a transformative force. Venus in Sagittarius: is blunt, confident, independent, free-spirited, enthusiastic, loves deep conversations, spunky or has spark, exciting, adventurous, and open-hearted. Venus in Capricorn: is determined, pragmatic, strategic, stable, devoted, mature or wise, has it together, will take charge, protective, is refined, successful, and hard to get. Venus in Aquarius: gives off unique beauty or rebellious hottie vibes, their intellect itself is attractive - a genius, is independent maybe aloof, loves their friends, is eccentric or quirky, is experimental, free in expression, and interesting. Venus in Pisces: is romantic, glamorous, imaginative, intuitive, empathetic, sensitive, expressive, affectionate, dreamy or ethereal, and soft.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Steadfast 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, power imbalance, obsession, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: King!Bucky Barnes (Medieval AU)

A Knights, Kings, and Knaves Story

Summary: you serve Duke Rogers, but when his friend, the king, takes an interest, you find your work in turmoil.

Note: I've wanted to do medieval drabbles for years. I bit the bullet and now we're all doomed. I was torn on whether to make this one Stucky however... I think Steve deserves a wifey in his own installment.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

The duke’s household is rarely out of sorts. The king’s decision has set the entire realm into a furor. Chests, carts, horses, rushing bodies fill the courtyard and stables as all ready for the road. Not all will go upon the road to the Field of Silk. 

As you heave a sack of wheat with Clarice onto a wagon, the hoots and hollers of servants and stablemen hushes. You glance over as you sense the disturbance, winding towards you as a snake. It is the Duke, himself looking addled amid the chaos. 

“Pip,” he calls to you, “I bid you here.” 

He stops across the courtyard and Clarice sighs in disappointment. She will need help though all seem bound in their own duty. You give an apologetic look and help steady the sack before you leave her. You dip between the bodies and axles until you reach the castle’s liege. 

“Your grace,” you greet him with reverence. 

“Not time, the king remains impatient.” He beckons you with two fingers as he twists on his heel. 

You follow him. His cloak is lined in sable, dyed red wool with a large hood. You can hear his exasperation in the wight of his steps. Given his words, you don’t wonder at the source, only of what deed the king has done now. 

“The king seeks to travel separately. To ensure there is no plotting upon his party,” he stops and hauls you through the archway that shadows an open sitting area. Frost clusters between the stone at your feet. “So, I will pose as he and go with his carriage, and you will attend him.” 

“Your grace,” you utter, withholding your surprise. 

“He would not take a large escort. To deter any suspicion, see? I do disagree,” he waves his other fist as he continues to drag you. “I suggested a proper guard. He says he can wield his own sword.” 

Despite his expounding, you cannot fathom why it should be you to accompany the king. Is the duke no sensible that one who might offer protection would be preferred? You are but a maid, you might push a broom or a mop, but a sword would be only a danger to yourself. 

“Two men draw attention. They seem as soldiers or spies. They have proper business which draws the avarice of similar,” he takes you through the rear of the castle, where only the launderers pass. “A man and a woman, a traveling couple. Not so concerning. His reasoning is sound enough but the risk...” 

Lord Rogers is ever cautious, though his stoicism wears. He lets you go just east of the kitchens. He faces you and tidies his hair, before again finding that patch of grey in his beard. 

“I cannot trust the gossips and the ganders,” he sets his feet and frames his hips. “You will go, be mindful as ever.” He huffs and shakes his head. “If I cannot wary him, surely you won’t have better luck of it, but you will do as you can to keep him some sense.” 

“As you wish, your grace.” 

“Yes, it is far from what I wish,” he tuts and backs away. “Go, you will find him at the priest’s house. All are too busy packing to tend prayer.” 

Another, “your grace” and you part. The duke goes his way, muttering, and you go yours, silent but intent. You wind your way to the front of the castle and come out into the grey of winter. You sweep across the moat, unnoticed by the guards with higher cares than a servant. 

The priest’s house is upon the outer court, nestled away from the gates. You tread along the frozen ground and eye the darkened windows. You do not spy even a single lit wick. As you reach the rear, there is a clucking noise. A cloaked figure stands near the statue of a great saint. 

The king pulls back his hood to reveal himself. You tilt your head and approach, bending a knee as you stop. “Your highness.” 

“Ah, and there she is. My steadfast servant,” he greets. 

You keep your head down, even as the yearning to search for a set of hooves gnaws at you. How should he travel so far afoot? 

“The horse is waiting for us by the river,” he proclaims. “We shall brave the trek and proceed upon the lower roads.” 

You bow your head deeper, “your highness.” One horse? You’ve not sat one yourself, only the old lame mule at the farmer’s mill those years of your childhood. 

“The priest’s door should see us out.” 

“At your ready, your highness.” 

“None of that forthwith,” he demands. “We musn’t draw undue attention. You shall be my pip and I shall be... poppet. Yes? It sounds convincing, I think.” 

“Yes, your—poppet.” 

“Perhaps a touch more softness, pip,” he nears and takes you by the arm, clasping tight the unlined cape against your arm. “Come, let us flee before any should sniff us out.” 

He brings you around to the priest’s door. Not many know of the small gate and from without, it is hidden by a thicken of thorns. He opens it and sidles against the wall, keeping hold of your wrist as he takes you with him. When at last you are free of the snagging branches, he draws you down to the path. 

“King T’Challa may be peaceable but I do not trust him to temper Stark. Neutral ground, there is nowhere that churlish monger would not desecrate,” the king rants as he takes you between the trees. 

His footsteps crunch and your pad in a light echo. His boots are fine and made of leather, yours are wool with thin pads on the bottom. You slip through the brush as old leaves weave a soggy rug across the ground. He has a tight grip on you as he feels you falter. 

“Must I slow?” He asks. 

“No, your highness. I will keep up,” you affirm. 

“Mm, dutiful...too much so” he muses. “You will need determination for the road ahead,” he brings you down an incline and a knicker greets you from the shoreline of the frozen river. “Aback this beast, your hips will surely ache for cushion.” 

“I will persist,” you say and remind yourself to keep from his formal title. You are not so certain of the promise though. 

“So we must,” he lets you go, only to grab your waist and haul you upward.  

You let out a whimper and flail, latching onto the horse and hooking your leg across it. He gets you steady and his hand brushes down your skirt. He swings himself swiftly, without much effort, and sits the saddle behind you. You are pressed between him and the pommel. 

“Best away before the winter catches us. The summers of Wakanda await us,” he snaps the reins and the horse kicks into motion.  

You can only lean into the king to keep your balance. He holds the reins in one hand and guides yours to the pommel. “Hold tight, pip.” 

[thesongoficeandfir3]

ASOIAF lovers as elements (part earth)

The Earth lovers are defined as stable and grounded, in most cases they may often come off as brute, rough around the edges, stern, and scary even but with time you will notice other softer qualities

The core ways an Earth lover would show their love for you is through loyalty, supportiveness, and protectiveness

The Earth lover can further be split into different subgroups where they can fall in all categories, some categories or be more of one than a other

They can be like the mighty oak tree where their love is deeply rooted and no force can ever come between their love for you. They are extremely loyal to you and would never be unfaithful to you. Never even faltering for a second if anything no matter how tempting tried to come between you two

Or they can be like the plant. In order for most plants to grow and bloom into something strong and beautiful they need to be in the best conditions and for your lover your relationship is the plant and they are the gardener. This type of Earth lover is very nurturing, ensuring you are well taken care of in every aspect of your life. Their top priority is your wellbeing and happiness , even spoiling you a bit because they never give you anything but the best. Their loyalty also shows here as well as patience. More than likely your marriage would be due to a political agreement thus you two would start off as strangers. They will be patient and not force or rush your growing relationship and they will be loyal, staying devoted no matter how long it takes for you two to be finally familiar and comfortable with each other

Like the mountain the earth lover is usually has steadfast and stubborn in personality. This may seem negative but it can also be positive. When trouble comes they are unyielding and refuse to buckle under pressure and will be quick to act as a sanctuary and anchor to keep you grounded so you won’t fall. You can always count to lean on them as they are unshaken and ready to take on issues

earthquake are terrifying, dangerous, and violent. The earth lover protection toward you is like an earthquake. Most of the time your earth lover prefers to stay silent and steady but the moment you are hurt, threaten, disrespected even they erupt in a terrifying and violent anger. So terrifying and violent it leaves not only the threat but any one else who’s witness this anger to be afraid. They respond so recklessly and violently immediately because they want no confusion in the slightest with how important you are to them and what will happen if someone tries to come between that

Earth lovers may seem unapproachable like a vast forest, intimidating like a mountain, or unyielding like a boulder, but they are also like a geode and if you take time to explore them getting to truly know them you’ll find beauty within them

Cregan Stark, Jon Snow, Harwin Strong, Young!Tywin, Visenya Targaryen, Erryk Cargyll

[satoruxx]

who do you think would be more devoted, satoru, suguru or shoko?

oh em gee hi nonnie :333 it's been a milennia since i got a sashisu ask so i'm VERY sorry for the novel !!

well.... i think they all have their moments but most devoted would probably be suguru. AND I WILL EXPLAIN WHY !!!!

i just think suguru tends to be very selfish when it comes to love. not like.. in a bad way... but to him love means that he has already given himself to you completely. he expects it to be understood that his love runs so deep he physically cannot fathom letting you go. suguru has always been extremely loyal to what's his—whether that be his morals or his friends. i think he puts a lot of value into making connections. so for him, when it comes to love, i think he would be very steadfast in it—often finding it difficult to disentangle himself from those emotions. and i feel like that depth is what makes him the most likely to become obsessive over devotion. (like... cult leader suguru would become so fixated on the idea of devoting himself to you that it can start becoming almost parasitic) basically, suguru could absolutely devote himself completely to you, and in a normal relationship that translates into extreme and fierce loyalty. but any kind of toxic or twisted dynamic and that's turning obsessive and probably too emotionally dependent.

satoru is definitely devoted but in a very generous way. he can love you so deeply but be alright with letting you go. to him, that's the biggest act of love he can commit. he sees a lot of drawbacks in letting you be with him, so he would much rather devote himself from afar and let you live a life he probably cannot give you. in other words, his emotional investment in you may not always come across as fully attentive because his perception of dedication can be too focused on what he deems is best. satoru's devotion plays on a fine line between his loyalty to you and his loyalty to his own ideas. he has such a strong connection to his own ideals that once he perceives something, he will always do what he feels is best in that situation. the problem is that might not be the most pleasant thing for you—but if he thinks you're better off with someone else he will let you go. (see i don't think suguru would be able to do that. suguru will never be able to give you up.)

shoko's devotion is the most subtle, but i think it would be the most stable. it might take her a while to get to that stage (i don't think it's as easy for her to fall into obsession compared to the other two) but she will be dedicated to you. shoko may not be the most expressive, but she is the most emotionally grounded. she has always shown consistent loyalty to things she values, so i think her devotion to you would be dependable and pretty nurturing. i also think she has a very mature perspective on her relationship with you, and she'd be more concerned with creating and maintaining that bond. so basically... i think she'd be the most consistently devoted if that makes sense.

so yeah, suguru is the most intensely devoted, but his devotion is easy to become entangled with other emotions. satoru is devoted, but it's more external. he tends to do things for you that he feels is right. and shoko is the devoted in the most stable way.

[gaza-giving-tree]

Imagine waking up one morning to the sound of your children's laughter, the warmth of your home, your career flourishing, and your dreams within reach. Now, imagine all of it being ripped away in an instant—your home reduced to rubble, your job gone, your savings depleted, and your family displaced, seeking shelter in six different locations over the course of a year.

Images: (Top) Fathi Alhaj with his two sons, Yamen and Boody (pictured middle, bottom).

@fathialhaj

Story written by @rumiandroses

This is the reality that Fathi Alhaj lives daily. Fathi is a father, a husband, and the sole provider for his family, who is now struggling to survive amidst the devastation in Gaza.

Fathi, a dedicated sales account manager, was living a successful and fulfilling life with his wife, two children—Yamen (8 years) and Abd Elrahman “Boody” (6 years)—and his elderly parents. Fathi has worked tirelessly to provide them with a stable and comfortable future. But on October 7, 2023, everything changed. The war erupted, turning his family's world upside down. In an instant, they lost everything—his father’s house, their own home, his car, his job, and every bit of security they had built over the years.

Forced to flee, Fathi and his family became displaced, desperately searching for safety amidst the destruction. They moved from one temporary shelter to another, each time hoping to find some semblance of stability. Now, they reside in their sixth shelter, struggling to meet their most basic needs—food, water, medicine for Fathi’s elderly parents, and rent to keep a roof over all of their heads.

For over a year, they have endured unbearable hardships. Their once bright future has been replaced by a relentless fight for survival. Despite losing all their savings, despite the darkness surrounding them, Fathi remains steadfast in his mission—to rebuild his family's life and secure a safe future for his children.

The Alhaj family GoFundMe campaign was launched to provide a glimmer of hope for this struggling family. Like many families struggling to survive amidst the devastation, the Alhaj family's GoFundMe campaign has become their lifeline: helping them survive another day, and helping to provide the family with the food, water, and medicine they so desperately need. However, the campaign is only at 23% of its goal.

With every passing day, the family's needs grow more urgent. Now, more than ever, they need our support. While the war has taken everything from Fathi and his family, it has not taken their hope.

Fathi and his wife dream of escaping Gaza, of building a new life where their children can sleep without fear, where they can find stability and peace once again.

Please, consider supporting Fathi Alhaj and his family. Every donation—no matter how small—helps them take one step closer to safety. If you cannot donate, sharing their story makes all the difference in helping the Alhaj family reach those who can assist financially.

You can donate to Fathi’s GoFundMe campaign [HERE].

This campaign has been vetted by @gazavetters, and is (#169) on their list of verified campaigns.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

How about words related to infinity? I am obsessed with the thought of it.

It really is such a fascinating concept, isn't it?

Infinity—the quality of being endless; extending indefinitely

Abiding - continuing for a long time; enduring

Abysmal - having immense or fathomless extension downward, backward, or inward

Aeonian - lasting for an immeasurably or indefinitely long period of time; aeonic

Bottomlessness - the quality of being boundless, unlimited

Boundlessness - having no boundaries; vast

Ceaseless - continuing without cease; constant

Deathlessness - quality of being immortal, imperishable

Endlessness - being or seeming to be without end

Eternity - the quality or state of being eternal (i.e., having infinite duration)

Everlasting - lasting or enduring through all time; eternal

Fathomlessness - incapability of being fathomed; immeasurable

Foreverness - eternity

Illimitability - incapable of being limited or bounded; measureless

Immeasurable - indefinitely extensive

Immenseness - the quality of transcending ordinary means of measurement

Immortality - the quality or state of being immortal; unending existence

Imperishable - enduring or occurring forever

Incalculable - not capable of being calculated

Incomputable - not computable; very great

Indefinite - having no exact limits

Indissoluble - incapable of being annulled, undone, or broken; permanent

Inestimable - incapable of being estimated or computed

Inexpungible - incapable of being obliterated

Infinitude - the quality or state of being infinite; infiniteness

Interminableness - having or seeming to have no end

Limitlessness - boundlessness

Perenniality - the quality of being persistent, enduring

Permanence - the quality or state of being permanent; durability

Permanency - something continuing or enduring without fundamental or marked change; stable

Perpetuity - the quality or state of being everlasting; continuing forever

Persistent - continuing without change in function or structure

Sempiternity - eternity

Stationary - unchanging in condition

Steadfast - not subject to change

Stubbornness - quality of being unreasonably or perversely unyielding; mulish

Timelessness - having no beginning or end; eternal

Undying - not dying; immortal, perpetual

Unfaltering - not wavering or weakening; firm, steadfast

Unvarying - not exhibiting change or variation; not varying

Vastitude - immensity, vastness

Hope this helps with your writing. Do tag me, or send me a link. I'd love to read your work!

More: Word Lists

[elysiansparadise]

My cap Venus lives for ur aesthetic and work 💗 I would love ur insight on Saturn in the 2nd 🪐

Hello love! Thanks for your words. 💗

Saturn in the 2nd house

With this placement it is very likely that the natives felt a sense of insecurity, they may think that they had never experienced what it was like to have a safe place to turn to when things went wrong, the lack of stability and order in their lives and that they experienced many things. that made them have to witness how what they or their family built, collapsed. The fear of putting effort into something only to have it collapse later. The fear of never having something secure and constant in their lives. They could have had economic problems since they were children or grew up in a home without structure. They had to assume the role of those who never broke, whom life could not move or provoke, many times being the support of the people around them or simply creating this mentality of "not causing more problems than there already were." They get used to carrying everything themselves, for fear of putting more burdens on the shoulders of those they love. Problems with self-acceptance and the mistaken idea of ​​having to do or achieve something to be loved. They have a big insecurity, and this is not having enough, either from sufficient material goods to survive or feeling that they are not enough.

Many are highly alert and wary when it comes to having others around, no matter how charming they may behave, it is difficult to let someone in completely. Many of them are very selective, and not only that, but they avoid very direct physical contact with other people, and can appear distant in that aspect. They usually know how to manage their money very well since they know how difficult it is to earn it. Financial growth can be slow but steady. Often, these people experience gradual progress in accumulating material goods and wealth. They are very persistent people when it comes to getting what they want and they highly value hard work. They hate laziness, both feeling that they are being lazy and the people around them are being lazy. Despite how secretive and selective they may seem, when they find people they value, they can be fiercely loyal and steadfast. These people can do many things for those they know they want to have around. Many of them have this way of thinking of giving to others the same thing that they give to the natives, they will never go out of their way to give to those who do not do the same for them. These natives are very consistent when it comes to giving to causes they feel are worthwhile. Consistency and stability are everything for them, even outside of economic aspects.

Material security is a priority. These people work hard to ensure they have a solid financial foundation that will provide them with long-term stability. Financial success for these natives can come later in life, after years of constant and disciplined effort. However, once they achieve it, it tends to be long-lasting and stable. They have a strong belief in the value of personal effort and in earning one's livelihood through hard work. These people tend to feel more secure and satisfied when they know they have earned what they have. Many of them have learned to work independently after what they want, so it can be difficult for them to accept support. Many of them may even have problems accepting gifts or gifts from other people [although that doesn't mean they don't like it]. These people manage their resources effectively, and by resources I not only include economic ones, but all of them. They will not spend their energy or time on things that are not worth it, neither on projects, nor jobs, much less people.

-> Go back to the masterlist

[astra-ravana]

The Signs: Correspondences

Aries♈

Symbol: The ram

Affirmation: "I am."

Dates: March 21st - April 20th

Day: Tuesday

Element: Fire

Colors: Red, orange, black, white

Body: Head

Ruler: Mars

House: First

Modality: Cardinal

Polarity: Positive

Gender: Masculine

Number: 9

Metal: Iron

Birthstone: Diamond

Season: Spring

Tarot: The Emporer

Exultation: Sun

Fall: Saturn

Detriment: Venus

Plants: Hops, thistle, red clover, honeysuckle, holly, hawthorne, garlic, nettles, cayenne, locust, geranium, saffron, spruce

Crystals: Diamond, rutilated quartz, carnelian, pietersite, bloodstone, citrine, ruby, jasper, super seven, herkimer diamond, Libyan desert glass, danburite, topaz, garnet, hematite, obsidian, sardonyx

Animals: Rams/sheep, tigers, dragons, hawks, wolves, foxes

Archetypes: The Warrior, The Pioneer, The Daredevil, The Survivor, The Child, The Creative, The Adventurer

Keywords: Pioneering, fearless, energetic, impulsive, adventurous, courageous, assertive, brash, optimistic, honest, independent, restless, fiery, fool hardy, forceful, combative, competitive, daring, crude, confident, enterprising, demanding, direct, resilient, dominant, impatient, reckless, loud, rash, stubborn, arrogant, temperamental, humorous, creative, friendly, authentic

Taurus♉

Symbol: The bull

Affirmation: "I have."

Dates: April 21st - May 21st

Day: Friday

Element: Earth

Colors: Green, blue, pink, brown

Body: Neck

Ruler: Venus

House: Second

Modality: Fixed

Polarity: Negative

Gender: Feminine

Number: 6

Metal: Copper

Birthstone: Emerald

Season: Late spring

Tarot: The Hierophant

Exultation: Moon

Fall: Uranus

Detriment: Mars/Pluto

Plants: Wheat, mint, apple, sorrel, foxglove, thyme, rose, sage, daisy, crypress, ash, poppy, basil, violet, dandelion, fig, pear

Crystals: Emerald, rose quartz, malachite, rhodonite, kunzite, peridot, jade, chrysocolla, kyanite, amethyst, pyrite, selenite, turquoise, lapis lazuli, adventurine, tiger's eye, moss agate

Animals: Bulls/cows, elephants, flamingos, turtles, camels

Archetypes: The Earth Spirit, The Musician, The Silent One, The Sage, The Hedonist, The Stabilizer

Keywords: Steadfast, reliable, sensual, patient, practical, loyal, grounded, stable, nurturing, tenacious, stubborn, possessive, materialistic, enduring, committed, devoted, calm, dependable, inflexible, resistant, over-indulgent, caring, resilient, persistent, overly cautious, tranquil, resourceful, sensible, unyielding, pessimistic, jealous, insecure, focused

Gemini♊

Symbol: The twins

Affirmation: "I think."

Dates: May 22nd - June 20th

Day: Wednesday

Element: Air

Colors: Yellow, blue, teal, grey

Body: Arms/hands

Ruler: Mercury

House: Third

Modality: Mutable

Polarity: Positive

Gender: Masculine

Number: 5

Metal: Mercury

Birthstone: Agate

Season: Early summer

Tarot: The Lovers

Exultation: North node

Fall: South node

Detriment: Jupiter

Plants: Anise, lavender, marjoram, hazel, caraway, myrtle, fern, valerian, lily-of-the-valley, bittersweet, chestnut

Crystals: Agate, moonstone, aquamarine, pearl, sapphire, apatite, howlite, alexandrite, chrysophase, celestite, sodalite, lemon quartz, opal, labradorite, tourmaline, onyx

Animals: Horses, dolphins, deer, butterflies, chameleons, monkies

Archetypes: The Witness, The Teacher, The Storyteller, The Journalist, The Messenger, The Unholdable

Keywords: Adaptable, outgoing, curious, intellectual, impulsive, versatile, flakey, gossipy, enthusiastic, indecisive, loving, nosy, open, excitable, flighty, bubbly, fun-loving, verbal, smart, judgemental, nervous, distracted, giving, popular, gentle, emotionally aware, persuasive, intuitive, empathetic

Cancer♋

Symbol: The crab

Affirmation: "I feel."

Dates: June 21st - July 21st

Day: Monday

Element: Water

Colors: White, silver, grey, blue, green

Body: Chest/stomach

Ruler: Moon

House: Fourth

Modality: Cardinal

Polarity: Negative

Gender: Feminine

Number: 2

Metal: Silver

Birthstone: Pearl (moonstone)

Season: Mid summer

Tarot: The Chariot

Exultation: Jupiter

Fall: Mars

Detriment: Saturn

Plants: White rose, verbena, tarragon, water lily, lotus, willow, alder, saxifrage, lettuce, acanthus, jasmine

Crystals: Moonstone, pearl, selenite, calcite, chalcedony, opal, amethyst, emerald, chrysophase, coral, larimar, howlite, peacock ore, blue kyanite, rose quartz, blue lace agate, angelite

Animals: Crustaceans, frogs, whales, rabbits, seals

Archetypes: The Mother, The Healer, The Invisible, The Hysteric, The Counselor, The Psychic, The Maiden

Keywords: Emotional, loving, sensitive cautious, sympathetic, moody, touchy, protective, unpredictable, charming, loyal, tender-hearted, creative, caring, over-emotional, resentful, drastic, nurturing, generous, ardent, consistent, aloof, codependent, coddling, dramatic, hysterical, shrewd, imaginative, possessive, changeable, defensive, clinging, vindictive, devoted, motherly, soft

Leo♌

Symbol: The lion

Affirmation: "I will."

Dates: July 22nd - August 22nd

Day: Sunday

Element: Fire

Colors: Gold, yellow, orange

Body: Heart/spine

Ruler: Sun

House: Fifth

Modality: Fixed

Polarity: Positive

Gender: Masculine

Number: 1

Metal: Gold

Birthstone: Ruby

Season: Late summer

Tarot: Strength

Exultation: Neptune

Fall: None

Detriment: Uranus

Plants: Sunflower, saffron, peppermint, walnut, rosemary, St. John's wort, borage, orange, lemon, bay, olive, marigold, dandelion

Crystals: Ruby, carnelian, citrine, sunstone, spinel hematite, rhodochrosite, rutilated quartz, peridot, pyrite, herkimer diamond, golden topaz, honey calcite, apache tear, tiger's eye, black onyx

Animals: Lions, cats, peacocks, horses, phoenix, eagles, tigers

Archetypes: The King/Queen, The Performer, The Clown, The Golden Child, The Victor, The Magician, The Guardian

Keywords: Confident, loyal, passionate, arrogant, dependable, strong, domineering, vivacious, honest, sociable, warm, self-focused, vain, determined, giving, charismatic, attention-seeking, ferocious, joyous, fun, jealous, inflexible, brave, born leader, kind, reckless, shallow, hospitable, flirtatious, outrageous, wild, cocky, confrontational, magnetic, chatty, luxurious, extravagant

Virgo♍

Symbol: The virgin

Affirmation: "I analyze."

Dates: August 23rd - September 23rd

Day: Wednesday

Element: Earth

Colors: Green, white, brown, navy blue

Body: Abdomen

Ruler: Mercury

House: Sixth

Modality: Mutable

Polarity: Negative

Gender: Feminine

Number: 5

Metal: Nickel

Birthstone: Peridot

Season: Early autumn

Tarot: The Hermit

Exultation: Mercury

Fall: Venus/Neptune

Detriment: Jupiter/Neptune

Plants: Valerian, elder, skullcap, flax, buttercup, lavender, dill, blackberry, morning glory, forget-me-not, hazel

Crystals: Peridot, jade, sapphire, fluorite, sodalite, lapis lazuli, mookaite, zicron, sardonyx, moss agate, nuummite

Animals: Owls, bees, doves, squirrels, mice, salmon

Archetypes: The Perfectionist, The Servant, The Martyr, The Analyst, The Alchemist, The Messenger

Keywords: Analytical, hardworking, meticulous, practical, fussy, judgemental, modest, patient, artistic, critical, attentive, picky, humble, industrious, polite, proper, shy, intelligent, distant, harsh, conservative, anxious, sensitive, dedicated, subtle, curious, classy, responsible, repressed, trustworthy, altruistic, gentle, ethereal, wise, independent

Libra♎

Symbol: The scales

Affirmation: "I balance."

Dates: September 23rd - October 22nd

Day: Friday

Element: Air

Colors: Light blue, pink, green

Body: Kidneys

Ruler: Venus

House: Seventh

Modality: Cardinal

Polarity: Positive

Gender: Masculine

Number: 6

Metal: Copper

Birthstone: Sapphire

Season: Mid-autumn

Tarot: Justice

Exultation: Saturn

Fall: Sun

Detriment: Mars

Plants: Mint, rose, dahlia, feverfew, thyme, ash, burdock, parsley, blue lotus, daisy, poplar, apple, grape, white sycamore

Crystals: Sapphire, jade, sardonyx, opal, turquoise, moonstone, lapis lazuli, rose quartz, larvakite, obsidian, auralite, prehnite, pink tourmaline, morganite

Animals: Ravens, swans, dragonflies, dogs, deer, pandas

Archetypes: The Lover, The Artist, The Peacemaker, The Socialite, The Flirt, The Designer, The Mediator

Keywords: Diplomatic, charming, easy going, fair, balanced, sensual, lazy, indecisive, idealistic, manipulative, dreamy, intellectual, harmonious, influential, friendly, entitled, engaging, likable, melodramatic, gossipy, vain, tactful, witty, funny, tempered, pragmatic, sincere, fickle, bossy, ambivalent, generous, insecure, lovable, creative, optimistic

Scorpio♏

Symbol: The scorpion

Affirmation: "I desire."

Dates: October 23rd - November 22nd

Day: Tuesday

Element: Water

Colors: Dark red, maroon, black

Body: Genitals

Ruler: Mars/Pluto

House: Eighth

Modality: Fixed

Polarity: Negative

Gender: Feminine

Number: 9

Metal: Steel (iron)

Birthstone: Opal

Season: Late autumn

Tarot: Death

Exultation: Uranus

Fall: Moon

Detriment: Venus

Plants: Hawthorne, witch hazel, aloe, catnip, birch, ginseng, onion/leek, heather, geranium, brambles, milk thistle, rhododendron

Crystals: Opal, topaz, malachite, garnet, ruby, labradorite, smokey quartz, beryl, Apache tear, moonstone, shungite, citrine, auralite, super seven, bloodstone, amethyst, abalone, que sera

Animals: Scorpions, spiders, eagles, serpents, panthers

Archetypes: The Detective, The Sorcerer, The Hypnotist, The Witch, The Temptress, The Mystic, The Protector

Keywords: Determined, forceful, intuitive, powerful, magnetic, secretive, ambitious, obsessive, hardworking, emotionally intelligent, creative, seductive, possessive, honest, blunt, passionate, intense, jealous, protective, resentful, tenacious, thrilling, sardonic, stubborn, dark, strategic, loyal, stoic, obstinate, fearless, disciplined, skeptical, self-reliant

Sagittarius♐

Symbol: The centaur/archer

Affirmation: "I see."

Dates: November 22nd - December 21st

Day: Thursday

Element: Fire

Colors: Purple, royal blue, red

Body: Hips, thighs, liver

Ruler: Jupiter

House: Ninth

Modality: Mutable

Polarity: Positive

Gender: Masculine

Number: 3

Metal: Tin

Birthstone: Topaz

Season: Early winter

Tarot: Temperance

Exultation: South Node

Fall: North Node

Detriment: Mercury

Plants: Sage, dandelion, mulberry, cinnamon, wood betony, star anise, mandrake, mallow, oak, thistle, carnations, ash, calamus, orchid

Crystals: Topaz, labradorite, amethyst, azurite, corundom, carnelian, spinel, sugilite, tanzanite, iolite, chalcedony, blue goldstone, yooperlite, lapis lazuli, garnet, blue apatite, quantum quatro

Animals: Horses, stags, falcons, foxes, crows, unicorns

Archetypes: The Gypsy, The Student, The Philosopher, The Psychiatrist, The Seeker, The Comedian, The Guide

Keywords: Adventurous, philosophical, free-spirited, intelligent, direct, impulsive, scatter-brained, forgiving, curious, jovial, good-humored, idealistic, unfiltered, blunt, impatient, preachy, accepting, authentic, energetic, non-committal, compassionate, friendly, unfocused, conflict-avoidant, spontaneous, enchanting, musical, stylish, detached, trusty, pioneering, sophisticated, open-minded

Capricorn♑

Symbol: The sea goat

Affirmation: "I use."

Dates: December 22nd - January 20th

Day: Saturday

Element: Earth

Colors: Dark green, grey, black, brown

Body: Knees

Ruler: Saturn

House: Tenth

Modality: Cardinal

Polarity: Negative

Gender: Feminine

Number: 8

Metal: Lead

Birthstone: Turquoise

Season: Winter

Tarot: The Devil

Exultation: Mars

Fall: Jupiter

Detriment: Moon

Plants: Hemlock, ivy, poppy, beetroot, comfrey, hemp, elm, willow, henbane, knapweed, pansy, yew, onion, hellebore, horsetail

Crystals: Turquoise, onyx, black tourmaline, corundom, smokey quartz, clear quartz, sodalite, jet, larvakite, hematite, pyrite, citrine, aragonite, azurite, malachite, black kyanite, kiwi jasper, tiger iron

Animals: Goats, bees, elk/deer, woodpeckers, penguins, sturgeon

Archetypes: The Hermit, The Father, The Prime Minister, The Miser, The Judge, The Administrator, The Mentor

Keywords: Tough, uncompromising, dedicated, capable, responsible, tenacious, stubborn, practical, wise, persistent, pragmatic, honest, arrogant, controlling, ambitious, steadfast, strong, successful, minimalist, stoic, careful, reserved, mature, dry, pessimistic, disciplined, driven, prudent, shy, greedy, miserly, moody, competitive, moralistic, cynical, harsh, logical

Aquarius♒

Symbol: The water bearer

Affirmation: "I know."

Dates: January 21st - February 18th

Day: Wednesday

Element: Air

Colors: Sky blue, teal, violet, indigo

Body: Shins/ankles, pineal gland

Ruler: Uranus/Saturn

House: Eleventh

Modality: Fixed

Polarity: Positive

Gender: Masculine

Number: 4

Metal: Aluminum

Birthstone: Aquamarine

Season: Late winter

Tarot: The Star

Exultation: None

Fall: Neptune

Detriment: Sun

Plants: Orchid, rowan, mandrake, passion flower, lotus, myyrh, hops, elder, pepper, amber, frankincense, golden rain, bergamot, chilli, saffron

Crystals: Aquamarine, amethyst, moonstone, angelite, sapphire, labradorite, arfedsonite, turquoise, charoite, super seven, Libyan desert glass, lepidolite, que sera, herkimer diamond, lapis lazuli, indigo gabbro, aqua aura,

Animals: Dolphins, snow leaopards, condors, salamanders, snakes

Archetypes: The Genius, The Revolutionary, The Truth Sayer, The Exile, The Scientist, The Rebel, The Outlaw

Keywords: Individualistic, clever, analytical, assertive, innovative, humanitarian, optimistic, eccentric, obstinate, aloof, open-minded, intelligent, unpredictable, impulsive, creative, impulsive, tolerant, social, calculating, chaotic, enigmatic, contradictory, independent, idealistic, unique, humorous, restless, inquisitive, unyielding, detached, lonely

Pisces♓

Symbol: The fishes

Affirmation: "I believe."

Dates: February 19th - March 20th

Day: Thursday

Element: Water

Colors: Sea green, mint, blue, cyan

Body: Feet

Ruler: Neptune/Jupiter

House: Twelfth

Modality: Mutable

Polarity: Negative

Gender: Feminine

Number: 7

Metal: Platinum

Birthstone: Moonstone

Season: Early spring

Tarot: The Moon

Exultation: Venus

Fall: Mercury

Detriment: Mercury

Plants: Water lily, chicory, fig, echinacea, angelica, moss, hazel, fern, eyebright, primrose, willow, iris, seaweed

Crystals: Moonstone, fluorite, aquamarine, larimar, jade, moss agate, amazonite, blue lace agate, blue adventurine, amethyst, dumortierite, tourmaline, apatite, mother of pearl, citrine, kunzite

Animals: Fish, chameleons, butterflies, deer, octopuses, mockingbirds

Archetypes: The Mystic, The Dreamer, The Poet, The Guide, The Medic, The Creator, The Dancer, The Guru

Keywords: Intuitive, creative, brilliant, loving, empathetic, intense, anxious, animated, romantic, soft, adventurous, needy, scatterbrained, mystical, addictive, unmotivated, sentimental, spiritual, compassionate, lighthearted, flexible, forgiving, supportive, kind, sweet, childish, stingy, charming, blunt, self-indulgent, apathetic, fun

[saveahorserideaneddie]

DISCLAIMER: i have not watched the full episode yet because i was not home (i’ll be watching tomorrow and might live post i might not it just depends lol) but i do wanna say this about eddie confronting helena (spoilers ahead)

while it would have been satisfying to see eddie screaming at helena, i think him just plainly spelling it out for her is so much more poetic and shows just how much he’s grown as a father and as a character

in earlier interactions with his parents where he is either attempting to stand up for himself or tell them off for something, eddie gets very defensive and argumentative- it’s a trait that a lot of us who grew up in any kind of abusive household, both emotional or physical, tend to develop, and eddie is the poster child for defensive reactions rather than standing firm. we’ve seen this in so many other situations where he’s immediately jumped into the fight willing just for the chance go get a jab at the other- he did it with shannon, with his parents, with buck, with bobby… he constantly is throwing himself into the fight, adding fuel to the flame rather than standing firm on his feet, remaining steadfast in whatever situation he found himself in.

that’s not what he did here.

here, he stood his ground and didn’t become accusatory or defensive in his confrontation with helena- he brushed off her attempts at tearing him down rather than reacting to them, something he has not been known to do before. it shows a level of emotional maturity and control that we have not seen from him before, because usually his defensive reaction stems from an inner voice telling him that whoever he’s arguing with is right- that he is a bad father, that chris is better off without him- he truly believed these things about himself, and as a trauma response, he would escalate things.

it wasn’t until buck and christopher (mainly christopher as his son because right now that’s what he needs to hear the most) sat him down and told him what a great dad he is that he actually started to believe it

and in that moment of helena attempting to drag him down again, he instead stood tall, took her words in stride, and calmly told her she was wrong- even explaining how she was wrong. he didn’t let her words get to him and rile him up. he remained stable- which is what helena has been shouting at him for years: “chris needs stability”

and finally, eddie has that stability and has shown that he has that stability and that strength to finally say “no- i am a good dad! a damn good one too. chris doesn’t need you because now i know i have everything he needs and i now trust that i have everything he needs.”

and that to me is all the more poetic and satisfying because it means helena has no room to try and twist it back on him this time- he’s taken all of her cards, and left her with nothing else to play.

(also- i think him not screaming at his parents in front of chris is also a great tool to showcase just how different he is from them, especially since we know ramon was always harsh and angry with him as a child; he refuses to let chris ever see that side of him because he doesn’t want to be a copy of his dad)

anyway like i said, im just going off the gifs and clips ive seen, as well as other people’s posts, but i was actually very very happy with how they handled that confrontation. ik i complain about the writers a lot, and i do think if they had dedicated the whole episode to eddie (even though i would have hated missing out on a rare henisode) they would have been able to explore a lot more without stretching this arc out even more which is just going to lead to them not having enough time to fully flesh out the whole arc by the end of the season- which means we’re either faced with this arc continuing into 9a (which… so unnecessary) or it gets rushed and then we’re left with another half-assed conclusion to an eddie arc (but then tim wouldn’t have been able to force another one of his fusion fics into the season so 🙄)