#will i ever stop crying about this?

[inkskinned]

i got my isbn today for the book. 8 months to go. my mom and i were talking about what the next steps are. i was eating trail mix, standing on one foot, phone tucked into my ear.

"yeah," i said. "the problem is that tumblr as a market is like, not something that can be studied." there's this weird wave of nostalgia and affection for this place that came up over me: how lovely we avoid consumerism. okay, it sucks as a creator. but also? keep stickin' it to 'em.

my mother made the sound at the back of her throat that i also make, the one that means i've got an idea. "you should figure out some kind of reward for presale amounts. maybe you give out poems or a mug or a signed book or something. would your followers like that?" my mother is sweet, and kind, and i have no idea how to explain on this website you can buy someone crabs.

i put more m&ms down the hatch. i had to speak through peanuts and almonds. "if it passes 25 thousand i will print the book out in its entirety and eat it live on camera."

"oh god. no, you don't have to do that." she was anguished. "just tell them that you'd love them to read it, and that they've inspired you to write. you got started on that site, and they helped you keep going. raquel, you love these people. the community? you talk all the time about the other writers and artists and whatever else. tell them that you're hoping for their support, they'll come through."

"no," i assured her. i discovered i had dropped an m&m, but an ant had already found it, so it belonged to him now. i will let his little life have a surprise blue treasure in it, too. "i'm gonna fuckin' eat the book."

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Started a new book series, and has been a journey...an Odyssey, if you will.

[black-and-yellow]

The walk home from UA

[dokjaism]

“Akira... why am i the only one talking?”

[brothebro]

Lets pretend everything is alright and all three siblings are happy and they visit Dadan and their little treehouse

[imminent-danger-came]

But you are, my love, the astronaut Flying in the face of science I will gladly stay an afterthought Just bring back some nice reminders Yes! You are, my love, the astronaut Crashing in the name of science Just my luck, they sent your upper half It's a very nice reminder

—Astronaut by Amanda Palmer

[bamboozled-distress]

omniman doesn’t even need his whole redemption arc, him simply saying “i think i miss my wife” has like actually altered my brain like he’s already redeemed to me like do you know how insane it is for literally everything he’s done and how uncleansed he is and how he knew he couldn’t go back and through everything when he knows he’s going to die he just. he misses his wife. he misses his wife he misses his wife he misses his wife he misses his wife he misses his wi

[violetdisasterzone]

I love how shen qingqiu is always calling binghe a crybaby (rightfully so) and yet the ONE time binghe even slightly raises his voice at him shen qingqiu immediately bursts into tears

[myrquez]

Here, relationships are basically impossible. As time goes by, I see more and more riders oriented towards a “win or die” mentality, they hate you if you beat them, as if to win wasn’t other riders’ main goal as well. Their attitude changes depending on their results. Some time ago, and I’m not talking about centuries, mine was a sport made for enthusiasts: to win or to lose indeed was important, but it wasn’t everything. To this day, the atmosphere has deteriorated. Even off-track: some of them cheer, some of them boo, some of them get suspicious, some of them talk about biscuits*, but I would like to see who truly is immaculate to throw the first stone. “I know some people who wouldn’t pass a conscience test not even if they cheated”. I don’t even know where I read this quote anymore, it probably was in the middle of all of the dumb shit we send to each other via texts everyday, wasting our precious time despite having more interesting things to do. But it is a truthful quote, nevertheless: it perfectly reflexes a way of life that I cannot stand. This is also why I do not have any friends within this environment, and it saddens me a bit.

*biscuit: biscotto in italian. biscotto spagnolo or biscottone spagnolo was the term used by italian fans and press to refer to the marquez-lorenzo alleged “alliance” to make valentino lose his 10th title

— andrea dovizioso, asfalto (2018)

[n0isaac]

One of my most favourite things I’ve drawn ever I love u splatoon I love u tf2

[wesavegotham]

These fanon Tim Drake takes/fanfictions that paint him as the ultimate victim during the Morrrison era were always annoying, but if you're looking for a character to write fix it fanfictions about because they got abandoned by their family when they went through a lot of losses and lost themselves in the process, ran away from everything and only had the batfamily try to bring them back home ages after they had already run away and only after first blaming the kid and then not prioritizing bringing that kid back, then Damian from 2018 to 2020 is right there?

Where are my 1000+ fanfictions about that?

[shipspainfulships]

Thinking about;

If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes hell.

[pwurrz]

with boothill’s e6 being revealed to be his human self, it shows that e6s are meant to represent their ideal self, not necessarily their current self. boothill’s e6 is.. surprisingly bare, and not just in the usual way. compared to his other eidolons, it’s the only one of his where he’s wearing nothing. no hat, no earring, nothing. i think it shows that even though his personality is loud and extravagant, almost a performance to distract himself from that fact that he’s a cyborg, he still considers himself to be a human, deep down.

for another example, topaz has numby included in her e6, which means she considers numby to basically be a part of her, and not just a pet or a companion. they truly are inseparable.

and, despite all of their differences and the hardships they’ve had to go through, the fact that huohuo and tail are curled around each other in her e6 shows that huohuo not only accepts that tail is a part of her, but also that she wouldn’t have it any other way ♡

[evilbeing]

Malik Al-Sayf my beloved

[dreamingoffictionalcharacters]

I have loved and been completely obsessed with so many dramas and tv series before and yet none of them can even compare to the way I feel about Lovely Runner.

There was a me before Lovely Runner and there's a me after Lovely Runner.

[sctumsempra]

going insane and i need to infodump about severus snape’s patronus being a doe for a second. i personally don’t think it changed, or lily necessarily influenced it- i think it’s always been a doe, casting the charm in dumbledore’s office was meant to show that he and lily were supposed to be viscerally aligned with each other and he knows he fucked it up and that’s why he’s spent almost two decades trying to atone for what he did. on a representative level, the doe symbolizes peace, protection, and innocence, and no three words could possibly represent severus snape more.

all he wants is peace: a peaceful life for himself, a peaceful world, a peaceful school. everything he’s ever done has been to create as much peace as possible. some of it can be considered misguided from a black and white moral standpoint, but it’s what created peace for himself. for example, aligning himself with the purist views of his housemates made him less of a target for bullying- he’s not a pure blood, and they’d know, and having powerful ambitious students on your side instead of alienating yourself from everyone means you have at least a semblance of protection from harm some of the time. he becomes a double agent for dumbledore to help bring about peace from voldemort’s reign. it might not have been peaceful for him per se, but it was still with the intention of peace in some form. he tries to give other people peace- he takes a vow with narcissa to protect her son because she’s crying and scared for him, and it gives her peace. he doesn’t throw draco under the bus to save his skin when voldemort accuses him of being the elder wands owner, giving draco and narcissa peace even if they weren’t aware. it’s either for himself, or for others.

he’s the most protective teacher at the school- would mcgonagall have thrown herself in front of three kids facing a wolfsbane-less werewolf? would flitwick take the burden of an unbreakable vow to protect draco malfoy from voldemort? would any of the DADA teachers have run towards the sound of a screaming woman? he consistently vows to protect everyone and everything he can. and, leading into his innocence, when he realizes he’s only been protecting harry for him to die, it breaks him.

he’s not necessarily innocent in that his hands are clean and he’s never done anything wrong in his life, but he’s innocent in that he’s naive. he trusted voldemort enough to be drawn into the death eaters, he trusted dumbledore enough to be manipulated into his bidding. it feels like he forgets that dumbledore screws him over constantly, dangles things in front of him and takes them away, makes crude assumptions, and has left him to fend for himself essentially their entire relationship. the times that dumbledore abandons him- physically, mentally, metaphorically- he gets very upset. like it’s new information to him that dumbledore treats him like shit. from an abuse perspective, he probably had to spend his childhood mentally erasing what his parents and home were like so he could feel safe and normal, so the constant ebb and flow/back and forth of his and dumbledore’s relationship is familiar to him. when dumbledore draws him back in with whatever method, he’s right back to behaving as dumbledore wants, doing what dumbledore wants, and believing what dumbledore believes. the times that he remembers that dumbledore doesn’t care that he let the guy who’s tried to kill him or assault go, or that dumbledore thinks he wants only lily saved because he desires her romantically or sexually, or that dumbledore has only been using harry and, by extension, him (as he’s been the one protecting harry) to play the long game of destroying voldemort are the times that he’s emotional in the books. he cries, he’s vulnerable, he raises his voice, he begs and he pleads and he defers. he doesn’t do that any other time, other than when he found harry watching his memories. he trusts and he forgives (or he forgets, or he feels safer pretending he doesn’t care what’s been done to him/how he’s been treated.) a doe is perfect for him. reducing it to something like tonk’s patronus being changed as soon as she’s in a relationship with lupin or that it’s only a doe because of lily evans completely erases his entire way of thinking and behaving and being.

also, in a self indulgent addendum, it’s a very feminine animal, and severus is consistently aligned with femininity. hermione calls the half-blood prince’s writing feminine. he wears his mother’s clothes as a child, and lupin encourages neville to dress his boggart as his grandmother. he’s quiet and docile and tries to be non-violent unless he’s pushed to his breaking point, and even then it’s screaming or crying or getting animated. he’s emotional and frequently painted as hysterical. he gets the “woman character treatment”: to the average viewer who doesn’t think about him long enough to understand otherwise, he only desires lily. the consensus is that he chases her, he only thinks about her in the context of attraction. the line about looking at her greedily is constantly understood to be lust, and not a desire for love or a desire for a peaceful relationship for once in his life (and a relationship that only ever seems to be platonic at that). he even backs off and all but disappears from her life when he’s asked to, while james (the one with the stag patronus, the classic triumphant male character) harasses her and pursues her and behaves in a way that makes his son decades later wonder if he forced lily into a relationship. he’s behaviorally aligned with what femininity in the eyes of misogyny is supposed to be. he keeps to himself, he’s quiet, he sacrifices every bit of himself for students and coworkers and superiors and expects nothing in return, he pushes his students to be the best they can. (i’d say nurtures with my whole chest, but as the narrative comes from harry, we can’t really be sure. in my view, his house won the house cup for several years in a row which was only interrupted by dumbledore awarding a fuck ton of points to his gryffindor prize pony, his classes are seen as high performing and advanced by even dolores umbridge of all people, he only tries to punish students albeit a bit violently after several attempts of getting them to understand why what they did was wrong, which seems to be pretty nurturing in comparison to what other teachers allow and do). whether he’s trans, or had been influenced more by eileen, or he was intended to be deeply complex and contradictory and that meant that he had to have these traits, or any other of the multitude of reasons for snape being an inherently feminine character, it’s there. his patronus wouldn’t be a stag, he wouldn’t be anything overbearing and he wouldn’t be anything aggressive. it doesn’t make sense with his soul and his personality and his life. the peaceful protective innocent/naive doe, however, does.