#will help me. I can talk to my mom but only abt stuff regarding my dad and even then she's like don't let it bother you

[aemiron-main]

The TFS Extra That’s Dressed Like Laura Cunningham

So, right now, I’m staring at those weird TFS scientists/government people that we saw up-close in the new TFS trailer:

Versus the fact that the one lady up there is dressed basically EXACTLY like Laura Cunningham at Chrissy’s funeral, right down to the necklace:

And it’s extra interesting to me that we have this connection between TFS & Chrissy’s funeral scene versus the heavy focus on Patrick at Chrissy’s funeral versus the whole Patricia/Patty vs Patrick thing & the parallels between Patty and Patrick (ie abusive fathers, McKinney and Newby both being last names with Irish origins etc etc)- which then has me staring at the fact that Laura Cunningham’s line about “how can HE live while my ANGEL is gone,” plays over a shot of Patrick- because we have the wording of how can “HE” live versus Patrick’s name being a male version of Patty’s name versus all of Patty’s angel imagery in TFS/her wings at the end of the play & all of the “Victor thinking Ella Fitzgerald’s voice was the voice of an angel” stuff versus Patty’s singing & her saying that her mom is Ella Fitzgerald. And Then there’s ALSO the use of the word “gone,” in Laura’s line which connects to Patty because El uses the word “gone,” regarding Barbara Holland in S1 versus Patty playing Barbara Allen in The Dark of the Moon in TFS *and* Patty having Barb dialogue parallels:

(and also as a little sidenote re: barb, it’s interesting that Barb and Suzie have very similar glasses vs what I talked about in this post re: Patty and Suzie versus Barb having a very similar hairstyle to one of the NINA Henwards/the post I made abt the parallels between Barb’s outfits vs Young Henry’s outfits vs Barb and Suzie’s glasses also being similar to Ted’s vs blonde TFS ted and the whole tedward thing and then ALSO being similar to Fred’s glasses vs Fred’s parallels to Henward and to Chrissy’s funeral/his own funeral scene)

And then we ALSO have Laura going all rotten/vecna-ified in Chrissy’s vision versus both Patty and her mother doing the same thing in TFS, creating yet another connection between TFS and Laura Cunningham:

And then we ALSO have Laura saying “I’ve prayed,” versus Patty praying to Wonder Woman in the beginning of TFS/Mr Newby telling Patty to say her prayers (which, also as another little sidenote, the references to ‘praying’ in ST and TFS vs the whole “predator but for good/use of the word predator” thing has me staring at possible wordplay re: praying vs preying, esp w Vecna preying on Patrick at the funeral & how the shadow in TFS seems to prey on negative emotions etc etc):

And to make all of this even WEIRDER, there’s a bunch of weird little connections between Chrissy’s funeral scene and NINA (versus the weird connections between TFS and NINA)- for example, not only does Chrissy’s funeral scene happen in the “The Nina Project” episode, but then there’s ALSO dialogue connections like Laura talking about “others,” versus Henward during NINA talking about how “others were born,” AND Laura saying “I do not understand,” versus El saying “I don’t understand,” during NINA:

And then we ALSO have Patrick seeing the clock in a closet versus Henward and El in the closet during NINA, and the “I know god has a plan,” line that plays over that closet shot vs Henward’s escape plan with El AND him talking about how it “wasnt supposed to end like this” during the massacre/how it didnt go according to plan versus Bob’s S2 closet scene & Bob going into the closet being something that him and Owens quickly planned/Owens trying to plan that whole scene to help Bob escape (and then there’s ALSO Shadow Voice Henry in TFS talking about how Virginia’s father used to lock her in a closet full of spiders):

And then we’ve also got Laura talking about how “the monster that did this is still out there,” versus El saying “I am a monster,” versus TFS Brenner saying “YOU are the shadow,” to Henry in TFS- there’s just something rattling here re: Laura calling somebody a monster versus El saying that she’s the monster during NINA (another Laura scene vs NINA connection) versus TFS Brenner asserting that Henry is the shadow/the monster (especially with how TFS Henry refers to the shadow as ‘the monster’ in one scene where he says ‘the monster doesn’t lie, it doesn’t have to’):

And it’s ALSO interesting to me that we never get a name for the church in TFS versus the Hawkins church being named “St Philip Catholic Church,” according to the Indianapolis Gazette/Edward paper versus all of the weird Edward timeline stuff in TFS versus Philip Cunningham being Chrissy’s dad/being at the funeral versus Philip Bradley and his connection to Victor’s trial/him being the District Attorney at the time.

And speaking of Philip Bradley, it’s interesting that we see him with his mouth sewn shut/eyes gouged out and sewn shut, because while it’s definitely a Victor (and Ted) parallel, it ALSO makes me think about Mr Newby getting his eyes gouged out, especially with how Chrissy is beside Philip versus Patty beside Mr Newby at his hospital bed (which is also a Patty-Brenner parallel re: 15 year old Brenner at Brenner Sr’s hospital bed which is EXTRA interesting considering Philip’s mouth being sewn shut/him trying to speak but he can’t versus Brenner Jr talking about how Brenner Sr signed a confidentiality agreement):

And all of of these TFS-Laura/Chrissy’s funeral-NINA-Chrissy-Patty connections also make me think of the fact that Chrissy was buying Ketamine from Eddie, versus what I talked about in this post (specifically, at the end of that post) re: TFS, Brenner Sr, and Ketamine.

Anyway! Lots to think about.

[willowistic22]

Hi hello can I request a rant about ikeshot 👀 Anything you want like headcanons and stuff I'm begging pls I'm so starved for ikeshot content you're literally the only person here talking about them

Ikeshot. Let’s talk abt them.

Since you didn’t really specify what topic you want me to go over abt them i’ll just give you my general thoughts in regards to them and just specific general details i like to consistently characterize them when thinking of au’s and such.

Firstly abt Hotshot. He’s Korean-American in my opinion. There wasn’t really any specific actor that inspired this hc (not even the korean newsies cast, i don’t really know that cast that well) but i feel it fits him perfectly. He was born in Korea to Korean parents and then moved to the states for both canon and modern era (i hv no clue if there were any Korean immigrants in New York in the time where newsies take place and no i hv no interest in finding out whether that’s historically accurate<3). I like to think he’s the youngest. He has 12 older sisters. Idk it just feels fitting to me. His actual name is Park Ryung-Gu and i’m following the usual Korean naming rule so Park is his family name and his given name is Ryung-Gu (idk how to explain how to properly pronounce it other than like saying ‘young’ but with an R at the front followed by ‘goo’. Also i’m not very adversed with Korean naming and culture in general so there might be a few errors i make despite alr doing some light research. Srsly i ended up watching a kdrama compilation just to find out how to pronounce that name If anyone reading this can correct me then feel free to drop an ask).

Seeing that he had lived his majority of his childhood in the states, he’s considered the most fluent english speaker in his family. He likes helping his mother cook especially when she’s making kimchi. Man loves kimchi and can live off of eating that one single dish for his entire lifetime. He likes tiny hamsters but also big dogs. He actually likes a lot of k pop but can’t dance to save his life. Also one of his fav k pop boy band back when he was younger made him question his sexuality. His main sport is basketball but he come from swimming parents so it’s important that he knows how to swim well, thus he was able to reach the six foot mark by the time he reaches sophomore high school and ended up growing to 6’6. He’s good friends with Spot and Albert (i hc albert moving to Brooklyn at around age 10 before moving back to Manhattan for middle school so). He’s usually the more reserved calm and collected friend and dare I say the tired friend. Not to be confused as the mom friend bcs that’s Spot. Anyways. In some au’s Hotshot to me is a pharmacist or a beauty chemist. Whatever it is, he majored in a chemistry field for college bcs he’s best at chem class back in high school. It just clicks to him for some reason compared to other subjects like biology or economics.

Ok now for Ike. He’s younger than Mike by like 13 minites and Mike holds that over him bcs older brother duty™️. However Ike is taller than Mikd by like 1.5 inches which he holds over him bcs younger brother duty™️. Pretty sure it’s alr widely known that their names are Michael and Issac so yeah i stand by that fanon but i personally think their last name is Alvarez. In some au’s i hc them hving a little sister a year younger than them while other times i don’t. They are Cuban-American. Their parents along with their siblings are Cuban immigrants and gave birth to the twins in America. Ike is autistic while Mike is neurotypical. Throughout his childhood, Ike struggles a lot with sound and touch and regulating his emotions in general but he was mostly non verbal in his earlier years. The only other person he talked to back then was Mike up until like when he’s 8 or so was when he started getting better at his speech. Their mother in short isn’t the best person to be a mother. Safe to say it was for the best that their parents divorced when they were ten.

Ike was considerably the more reserved one between him and Mike but that doesn’t mean he’s not considered a troublemaker bcs in reality he still is. Despite still being able to joke around, he’s quite uptight. When he’s trying to regulate his anger he usually turns to boxing which is smth his father taught him back when he found out the twins were being bullied in elementary school. It serves as a great sport but also a great outlet to let out his anger. He’d punch a punching bag or ask Mike to spar with him. He’d dare to say that without boxing he might still not know how to regulate his anger in his adult years. However he’d say his main sport was soccer since that’s what he played in school teams. That does turn Ike to be a bit feisty, especially when he’s being disrespected. He doesn’t always go for the first punch, only as an act of self defense. Anyways, i hc him majoring in some sort of engineering field. Like he’d get a phd to research environmental engineering (renewable energy and all that stuff). He loves to learn actually and has an interest in technology + environment. He also loves cats. He has a brown cat named bear.

Now how did they ended up together you may ask? They met as a friend of a friend of a friend. Sorta. So while obtaining their bachelors degree, Ike has had bad luck with relationships. All the guys he’s ever liked are… terrible to say the least. He swears off dating until he gets his bachelors. Around his senior year, his good friend racetrack higgins just so happen to have a boyfriend from brooklyn named Spot who was also good friends with Race’s best friends and also Ike’s good friend named Albert. Spot and Albert also had a friend named Hotshot. One night when they were all going out to celebrate them nearly graduating, Ike and Hotshot met for the first time. Ike wld be lying if he said he didn’t find Hotshot to be attractive and Hotshot can’t deny he thought Ike was cute. However nothing happened and they only ever met every now and them in a big friend group setting. And ike was true to himself when he says he’ll put a hold on dating until he gets his bachelors (talk abt academic validation lolz definitely not self projecting here) in the middle of them obtaining their master’s degree, things start to escalate between them. They actually started seeing each other on their own and hv a fun time. When they finally gotten around to a confession (after being pushed by their friends to do it ofc) they started going out and took things slow to see where this was heading. As it turns out, they were a perfect match and ended up becoming more confident and srs with each other.

Hotshot and Ike are both reserved in their nature. Mostly calm and collected but can last in a fight if provoked. They’re not the most sociable person and it takes awhile for them to come out of their shell. So meeting and being comfortable with each other was great. Ike likes that despite the strength Hotshot displays, he is still kind and gentle to others. He’s very caring and sensitive. He gives Ike a sense of peace and security. He also gives the best hugs. Hotshot adores Ike for how careful he is at everything and how supportive he is. Ike is loyal and kinder than he lets himself believe. Ike always tries to better bcs he never really thought he was very great at displaying his affection when really Hotshot feels plenty loved by him. He loves how smart he is and how fun he can be when he’s comfortable but will also defend him till the end when he’s being wronged. He gives Hotshot a sense of comfort and warmth. He’s also feisty which is smth Hotshot finds to be quite cute in an affectionate way.

Ya so uhh… this was kinda messy but i appreciate the ask dude. Hope you like it:)

[icharchivist]

heyy icha!! started up autumn, it’s fun!! got through the first 16 chapters and decided it was time to pause so here’s my thoughts.

I was very surprised by the random guy azami called during summer act 2, but actually it is just. idk. shift is cool. you can absolutely Hear the way azami’s voice gets lighter and looser when they chat. it’s wonderful. actually hugeee props to azami’s voice actor—I feel like soo much of azami’s character is inherent in his voice? like he’s kind of muted in subtle in the way that he talks which is kinda hard to convey with text only, because he’s Also sharp-tongued so if you’re only looking at the text, it’s a bit hard to notice he’s actually kinda… quiet? anyways I like shift it’s nice that azami just has a like. Normal Friend yknow? and shifts family seems cool too. so I’m glad that azami at least has like, an example of a healthy kind of family dynamic and stuff.

anyways. the way u could hear a pin drop when azami says hes gonna join akigumiz rly unfortunate he announced it AFTER sakoda announced the boss was trying to get him back. since like. uh. hed decided it beforehand, anyways. through kumons suggestion. at first I was a bit like cmon sakyo… you’re gonna send that kid back to his dad? homophobia. however the fact that he 100% called it regarding azami making something up for his portrait is so funny like ah. he was correct there.

like banri I also think azami is good for autumn so someone can bicker with sakyo. the way they just started physically brawling was so fun but what was funnier was omi breaking up the fight with the same level of casualness he broke up banri and juzas fighting. it’s like… these r not even two rowdy teens anymore. sakyo is 31. love that for him tho.

banri is also being such a good leader. checking in with azami and helping him with his portrait thing. his collage? reminded him of how he advised yuki in into the night. he feels reliable now, which is cool? anyways yeah he help. it was nice to see him tell azami abt the previous autumn exploits. the rookie introduction is rly such a good mechanic… it’s like. new chara for one. but bc they have to be introduced to the troupe it’s such a good way of bringing up past themes naturally and then having the opportunity to develop them further. anyways it’s nice to see autumn like. Bonding. I’m sooo invested in that one scene where azami tells omi not to bring him stuff like scones.

sakyo: “I practically raised him”

me: ah. *horrible impression of sakyo* hmph. I’m not the step dad, I’m the dad that stepped up.

this is a total shot in the dark but I have this like feeling that azami, during this story, is going to cry. Loudly. and I’m going to tear up abt it. we shall see.

kumon and muku being like angel devil fairies was SO CUTE. their voices especially!! like the way kumon has to quiet down his voice by a lot lol. anyways it was sooo lovely. I loved how it paralleled what natsugumi did to help out kumon. and I especially liked!! kumon bursts out laughing when natsugumi does their girls thing but here azami doesn’t like actually Laugh™ at all, but you can hear the laughter in his voice? it’s so cool.

I liked azamis audition portrait. the fact that he’s unable to give up his makeup is so good, and I really loved the convo he had with kazunari later, where kazunari pointed out that his family and makeup might be both so important to him that he’s unable to simply give one up… it’s nice, seeing characters give advice. but yeah azami. I am Looking at the part where he’s like oh I can give u makeovers but I’m kinda new with all this stuff, because all my old stuff is broken. and the way that he refuses to show them what he looks like wearing normal makeup…? I’d bet both of those r related to his dad who is not sakyo.

like oh my god the “…” from azami while izumi says she needs a parent/guardian permission. and then sakyo says like “I’m basically his guardian” and then azami going “…!” like oh u Know azami had that moment of uncertainty like. man… sakyo hates me anyways is he gonna send me back. like it’s just like… Telling he asks tsuzuru to cast sakyo as the villain of the story. when I saw that scene I was like ohhhh sorry azami. you’ve just given tsuzuru something terrible: personal info abt yourself. you realize he’s absolutely going to make u confront stuff with his play right. actually I did watch the play and. it’s very the stranger esque in that they’re all like. we live in a doomed apocalypse. I am a unique existence with it but this gift of mine will never be imparted unto others. still we shall live. as the only two real people. some people r beyond saving. like tsuzuru is so weirdly depressing during these plays. I respect that. and I was right bc he did throw in an emotional dad scene.

azamis such a professional middle schooler. like the makeup and also writing for a site. I loveee seeing azuma and yuki bond with him. let’s gooo. yuki and azami teaming up for budget is awesome. they’re actually just a great duo together. like first off the fact that they’re two middle schoolers who can seemingly put the fear of god in anyone is so choice. I loved seeing how professionally they worked during that fashion show. and banri modeled too! made me have feelings abt into the night again lol. also that azami scene was so good! like u said, the rookie cg in act 2 really showcases the relevant character well… the whole school festival was just nice. kazunaris talk with azami was rly cool ofc and the whole like. way azami is like ah. once I’m in high school I probably can’t do anything… and the little detail that both tenma and misumi haven’t ever been to a school festival is so like. wow. they’ve been denied a lot of “normal life” things bc of different reasons and now they get to experience them! idk it makes the fact that misumi treats tenma like his younger brother all the more heartwarming.

loved the whole thing where they discussed themes for the autumn troupe play. like juza talking abt like frilly gowns and grand staircases and when banris like wtf he’s like what? you think I can’t do it? get this guy in a dress for real.

they eventually settled on the undead / zombie theme but like… when taichi suggested visual kei tsuzuru actually didn’t seem too against is sooo. what I’m saying is. a3 autumn does a version of zombieland saga. I’ve never seen that show but it’s abt zombie musicians right. speaking of tsuzuru I love that he just passed out between a door so he didn’t hit his head. that’s like a skill.

the whole kindergarten thing was so cute. like the animal costumes… I saw omi and squinted like. wait oh my god is he in a WOLF costume!! and he was!!! I think that’s like. So Cute. like can I imagine autumn sitting around those costumes picking and someone’s like well, omi, this one’s kinda like, your name…. from personal experience tho there r absolutely kids who would see juza and stuff and be like oh my god he’s so cool I’m gonna follow him forever. but the animal costumes were a smart choice. and hey now they have em for free! more things to haunt tsuzuru with <3 when I first saw them I immediately thought of. yknow the volume 3 extras of gsnk where nozaki wears that bear costume and does judo. I love that bit. the voice acting for the section was so good tho like juza is kinda stilted taichi is kinda nervous and banri sounds extremely breezy abt the whole thing bc hes banri and can pull it off.

I rly liked both taichi and juza’s collages abt running away but to me it’s like. So Funny. how taichi and juza r like “I promised I’d be a better person from then on… and when I’m a better person I’ll…” or something like that and then when azamis like soooo how about now they’re like ah… I’m not nearly good enough yet. like i get why they r still uncomfortable with themselves but from personal experience like. reaching for an idealized self that u have to get to First before you’re Allowed to do things is like… not good. anywyas to me it’s rly funny that like azamis reaction to both of these has been kind of like “um okay? why are u still worried about that loser.” (he’s much less harsh abt it I just think this phrasing is funnier)

azamis response to taichi asking him abt his love life, tho… ”k-kiss? that’s for after marriage!” like oh my god u have to introduce her to parents, date, get engaged, and THEN you hold hands? and taichi being like. did sakyo teach you that…? personally I think azami managed that level of repression all on his own. like honestly tho for him the “introduce to parents” is probably a pretty. terrifying step so I can see why he’d be hesitant.

oh I wanted to talk abt juzas portrait. first of all him jumping in as a bodyguard to azami was so nice. the power of his glare alone! I know we haven’t seen omi or sakyo do a boyhood collage yet but I have to imagine that like midway thru juzas collage azami is squinting at autumn like… is this secretly a troubled kids home? is it like just normal to run away from home once, statistically? anyways juzas both correct in that u can learn to avoid fights but azamis also correct in that like. what’s he gonna do. let those guys kick the shit out of him?

but anyways juzas portrait made me tear up. like the. the. ”Kumon’s nothing like me. He ain’t big or bulky, and he’s like a ray of sunshine. Everybody loves him. He even cares about me.” LIKE FIRST OFF IM GOING TO CRY… JUZA…. second off the way I literally wrote “If there was ever a human embodiment of sunshine…” in my fic abt kumon. me and juza mind meld. jk this is such an obvious description that I think anyone reading through summertime survival strikes back would be like oh yeah this guys like sunshine.

but the way that like. all juza did was get picked on by a bully, glared at him, and then the bully stepped back and fell off the stairs? and juza stayed frozen in place instead of running bc he. I dunno. felt guilty probably? or just terrified bc oh my god the injuries… like even in this collage he describes the whole thing as a “mistake” on his part even tho it’s like. he didn’t do anything!! and then his mother had to apologize for him too… I love that she was angry on his behalf tho. hyodo mom I love you. and it was so nice that they found him bc it was the place where kumon played catch with him.

anyways I loved that the lil detail of like, tsuzuru visiting his family to explain why spring and winter weren’t at the festival like. was used to effectively to bring up zafra and stuff. I think it’s cool that tsuzuru recognized that it looked similar to citron’s stuff! like even tho tsuzuru is so exasperated with him he always seems to like. know the word citron wants to say and like. Pays Attention it’s nice. also when tsuzuru was like “I spent the whole time cleaning” I was just like ah. oh my god. if spring troupe ever leads tsuzuru on a play again… cinderella is right there. citron as Prince Charming ofc. masumi as an evil stepmother bc I think the drama of that role will be good for him in that it’s kinda a little silly and grand. he can’t rly cool guy his way out of it. like probably this won’t happen bc we already got a play with tsuzuru and citron as lead and co-lead but I can like, dream. it would overlap pretty hard with clockwork heart anyways bc I imagine the whole miracle vibes of cinderella would make tsuzuru have mizuno feelings again. but like hey. could be a fun fan-creation.

anyways zafra…. just wanna say I’d had it in my head that citron was a runaway prince since like. act 1 of spring when he said he ran from his country soooo… not gonna be like I called it but I called it!! tho I think this was kind of an easy guess lol. like when he’s all monarchy hater in alex in wonderland I think it’s pretty blatant.

uh but chikage said their monarchy has been having issues lately, but tsuzuru was like oh it’s fine. a new king is gonna be crowned in a few months apparently. and when izumi asks if citron is going back he goes “yes. I am… sure I will”

assembling the evidence. chikage would know secret internal details due to the organization, but tsuzuru would only be aware of public facing stuff. so my theory is… citron was a prince of zafra, and he ran away. I think he described himself as like an “eyesore” to the people he ran away from. this caused internal strife within the monarchy bc like. hey who the fuck is gonna inherit now. but seeing that we see guy in one of the event stories go “…citronia” or whatever I fully believe guy like. is citrons retainer or guard or something and is here to bring citron back and put him on the throne. hence why citron is like ah… I’m sure I’ll be at that coronation… because they’re going to coronate ME… and I’m being dragged back there….

the other alternate theory I have is that citrons like part of a succession war. the reason I think this is bc like. it would be a reason for why citron was like I’m an eyesore. also he mentions having three younger brothers during the new years event and says they don’t want to see him again. so citron is just like ha… yeah… sure… I’ll be at the coronation… (I Am Never Going Back) instead. and guy is chasing him to drag him back bc he cares abt him. I bet he’s the guy citron wants to see again. and also the source of that charm citron was staring at.

anyways the base of these two r the same. I’m excited to see what the facts are! I bet that’ll be in winter—it’ll be a fun spin since so much of spring was occupied by winter since hisoka was such a big deal there. and it’ll happen in reverse with citron being a big deal I assume. summer and autumn also have like. kumon and azami so they kind of overlap their seasons too.

anyways obviously this is good setup for winter arc but I think it’s also like. a perfect bit to have in autumn bc like thematically. azami is also struggling with like. inheriting a position he’s on the run from.

that’s all I have for now! excited for whatever zombie run night is

aaHH KIRI HI <3333 GOOD TO SEE YOU WITH AUTUMN OUR WAY

Shift does indeed sound very cool!! it makes me so happy how Azami lights up when he's talking to him, you can truly feel how close they are. And you're so right about Azami's voice, and all kudos to his voice actor. I think you sum it up well, he's quiet despite his lines generally being sharp and stuff, and with Shift's phonecalls making him this happy it constrats even more.

AND HELPP. Crazy how at this point it's Chikage's joining that went with the least problem. (not the same as "Chikage staying" which was the core of the issue but you get what i mean.) and DLKFJDLKF yeah Sakyo knows this kid so well. for better or for worse.

ah yeah the true admission fee to Autumn: you need to bicker with Sakyo. This is the new rule. And hey good on Sakyo to remain young like that! Omimi really embracing his place in the Autumn Troupe as the fightbreaker.

BANRIIII he's always so good sobs. It really shows how far he has come on his own and yeah, i can definitely see a bit of how he advised Yuki come out there as well. And it shows also how closely he cares and look out for his troupe now that he can tell all of it to Azami. it's so nice.

FDKJFLKD POOR SAKYO…. probably deserved BUT POOR SAKYO.

:3c interesting ehehe.

And yess god those kids are so cute. Kumon really just learnt from Summer how they made him feel better, and then decided to give it back to others as well. He knows it worked on him!!! it must also works on Azami!!! God this scene is so cute. solidarity!!

Azami's audition was really good and his dilema is really interesting toto go through. I did like Kazunari helping out too. I really like what you say about Azami's makeup stuff and "his dad who's not Sakyo" is such a funny way to talk about his bio dad. get out of the way bio dad you might be the DNA but you're not as dad as Sakyo.

the scene where Azami expects Sakyo to send him back home but Sakyo backs him up is so!! AND "ohhhh sorry azami. you’ve just given tsuzuru something terrible: personal info abt yourself. you realize he’s absolutely going to make u confront stuff with his play right." IM ABSOLUTEY CRYING OVER THIS. so true though. Azami, unknowingly giving Tsuzuru ammo. Tsuzuru: sure :) Everyone at Mankai: oooh boy kid, rookie mistake.

And so true it really is a lot like The Stranger. Also probably something to be said with how in both plays Sakyo plays a father who was doomed to screw his own child over no matter how much he cared about them. And hey Tsuzuru makes it work, and maybe getting depressing in Autumn is kinda the afterfact of having to be so damn silly with Summer. balancing it out.

"AZAMI IS SUCH A PROFESSIONAL MIDDLE SCHOOLER" THIS IS SO ACCURATE HELPP. And yess i love the Fashion Trio. Esp with the whole subtext of Yuki and Azuma's dynamic originally being really like, "Azuma can prove those kids who might be unsure about their future that there is one to be had by still being themselves and enjoying themselves." Azami doesn't need this lesson as much as Yuki but it can still be reassuring. And Yuki and Azami together are a MENACE, SAkyo's greatest nightmare, love that for them. AND YESS GOSHH the modeling thing just sent me right back to Into the Night as well!! DKLJFKDLF i really had the Priviliege of Insight to mention that about the CG, since i know all of them, but yeah, it really showcase them very well. And yeah the school festival was really nice, and it must also have really helped Azami to participate to something so… normal. usual for people his age yaknow? being a Yakuza son probably doesn't make those as usual as it could be otherwise. shoves Azami with Tenma and Misumi gang of "we're going to show them what Normal is or so help us."

GET JUZA A FUCKING DRESS THIS IS A THREAT NOW. i'm still a bit bitter that Banri was the SSR card for the noble-woman dresses event, this should have been Juza's time to shine. Juza KEEPS wanting it SO BAD and Banri keeps shutting him off, why is Banri the one getting the frilly gowns. GET JUZA A DRESS.

isn't Zombieland saga about idols especially? but yes, what works would work, it'd be fun! but i'd love to see a Vkei look, whenever you guys are ready!!! And Tsuzuru truly has a skill at this point rip.

AND YES THE KINDERGARDEN THING WAS SO CUTE. And pleaaase it's so cute i could totally see those kids adoring Juza. Joining Kumon in the Juza fanclub. But yeah the animal costumes were a smart way to make sure the kids would feel safe. And <333 always fan of tormanting Tsuzuru <3 AND HELPP THE GSNK REFERENCE. BEAUTIFUL.

The collages are so good yeah!!! and sobs yeah they're still so uncomfortable with themselves but it's especially striking considering how far those two have come…. esp Taichi who had to run off from the Godza and had to come to term with his spy days, and Juza really going from thinking of himself as an acting lost cause to genuinely managing through his insecurities and inspiring everyone around him. Alas yeah, they both are still so ashamed of who they were and still gunning for so much higher that they don't see that… "“um okay? why are u still worried about that loser.”" LKFJDLKFJDLKFJKLDFJFDFD

AND HELPP. honestly i could see Azami do that all of his own, remember that Sakyo loves romance novels and has no problem sharing them with Muku, so anything about that is fully Azami made. Also very good point about introduce to parents.

Juza <333 always the savior isn't he. AND HELP i could imagine Azami just think that at this point. Probably already clocking "ok i was thinking Omi might be a normal dude but now that i've heard how the whole troupe is i have Doubts." Also for the funfact i have a friend whom i dragged into a3 a bit kicking and screaming, who had a hard time getting too involved but when he related to the charas, he related hard (Itaru and Tenma for instance came to murder him, if that gives any idea). Anyway we went into Autumn, watching the anime, and he was so scared because every single one of them were his type, so he was worried to be emotionally damaged by looking at a mirror, and we finished the chapter and he was like. actually i'm fine. I'm so fine. But he got curious about Azami so we watched Autumn 2. And he was quiet for a long time, going through the collages and stuff. And eventually, i think around the time of Juza's? my friend turned to me and went. "did i ever tell you I once ran away from home." And it was aBSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL he was SO MAD by the end of this chapter, he ended up relating to Azami a litttle too much AND everything that didn't hit hard in the first chapter ended up hitting him hard by the second one. Point is. "is it like just normal to run away from home once, statistically?" it is for punkass troublemakers. not targetting anyone. (also let's talk about how Misumi also ran away from home but only to never come back. Honorary Autumn kid.) AND YEAH both are right. But i love Juza's take away still.

And Juza's portrait was so emotional and how much he cares and wanted to protect Kumon was just so :sob: AND AAHHH You REALLY understand Juza's mind so well that you looked at Kumon and knew exactly how to refer to him the Juza way. (but yes Kumon IS the sunshine itself.) and Juza poor kid. No one ever cut him some slack :( HYODO MOM SO GOOD WE LOVE THE HYODOSAKISAKA HOUSEHOLD IN HERE. But yes sobs Kumon finding him because Juza couldn't help but go to somewhere he probably felt safe to and it meant being safe with his brother…. sioft.

and god yeah the Tsuzuru bits is really cool. I remember in the first Summer chapter my biggest issue with it was how there was so little focus on Spring that it felt like they weren't living in the same place….. and i'm just so glad this was an issue that was never truly repeated, and moment like that showcase it so much. the rookies chapters tends to focus on two troupes at once already (like Awakening Moon was Spring and Winter), but here they still had some focus on non-focus troupe and it's so nice. And i love that it showcases Tsuzuru and Citron's dynamic so well it's so soft. AND HELPPP cinderella play when Tsuzuru, you have it all set up for you!!! And god i love the casting for that. And true for the vibes (note: Sakuya as the Fairy God Mother? baby angel that grant people wishes because he gives them an opportunity to? (like how it's giving the opportunity to keep the theater opened that helped everyone?)). Anyway as a fanplay it works still. Tsuzuru coming to term with his feelings for Mizuno everytime he colead with Citron is really funny tho.

AND HELPP. I still won't say anything for Citron but yeah things are starting to shape up! And oh god Citron's reply to it all huh. God. Anyway interesting theories, obviously i can't comment on them just yet but. interesting!

but yeah the duo season focus is built on each chapters in a sense so Spring will have its time to shine again next chapter. I don't htink it's that much of a spoiler since we do know Guy is looking for Citron, the same way we knew early on Chikage was looking for Hisoka. Something to be said about how Spring and Winter both have their past catching up to them with an acquitance from the past coming back to get you, while Summer and Autumn's main connection is between the two new kids who are starting to get to know one another. (and obviously Kumon-Juza, but i suppose it's also a bit like Azami-Sakyo currently yaknow? family bonds over troupe bonds).

Anyway! :D

Thank you once again for the ask <333 so much goodies in there and it's always so fun to relive the chapter with you like this!!! thank you for sharing all of this <333

take care and see you around :3c

[momwouldyouwashmybackthisonce]

NOT THIS

[wokestraightpuffy]

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

[reineyday]

some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

[selfcareparker]

yesss the letter format 💝💓💘💖💞💕💖💞💓 (lovely anon)

my dearest aria (a hamilton reference lmao),

i’m home alone (bc i wanted the house alone to get my head together after my brothers were mean to me 🙃) and i’m so hype LMAO but i’m watching chloe x halle’s tiny desk concert and honestly just vibing. (this is so random) besides zendaya like they are my badass black women role models. my one accomplishment would be to learn to body roll like them LMAO

oh nevermind i can’t have anything nice, my dad just came home 🙃 WHAT A WAY TO START OFF THIS ASK WTFFF

i’m liking tfatws, the second episode was veryyy intense imo but WANDAVISION IS SO GOOD😭 i knew it was going to be my favorite from the really old trailer but it’s really good and i promise it’s not just sitcoms, girl especially cuz you’ll have all the episodes already out- we were having to wait every week😭 BUT ITS SO GOOD I PROMISE HDJSHDJSH lmao reading this i was like “i- the episodes aren’t an hour long” but i feel that, it’s hard for me to watch tfatws bc they are an hour long and i’m like 😐 but wandavision episodes are less than 30mins bc I KID YOU NOT they have the damn 10 MINUTE CREDITS DHDJSJ no i don’t think we’ve talked about this b4 lol but it all depends on the series for me. i binged love island uk in less than a week bc i was so invested and LITERALLY LOVE IT but uh those episodes are like an hour and a half, but say i was binging tfatws (it’s so hard to type that ohmigosh) i honestly would not be able to do it bc of the intensity (you may be like what intensity but if you’ve seen episode 2 by the time you’re reading this.......... isaiah and the scene afterwards is all i have to say, esp me being black it was so tough :/)

girl you’re fine, as long as you’ve experienced it once hahaha i think the reason why it’s so important to my family (this letter feels so personal and extreme HSJSJA IM SORRY) is bc my grandmother loved it and in my family i guess it’s just important to us lol like my mom and dad love it too and we have the literal VHS tapes LMAO, but it only came up recently cuz my youngest brother was watching lion guard HAHA and he wanted to see the originals :) and fun fact (unless you already know) but there’s a lion king part 2 and 1 1/2 and i have all three ON VHS HAHAHA but i love lion king 1 duh (the og) but part two’s music and love story..... is so good. anyway. 🦁

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING DURING THE WHOLE MOVIE THEATER ENCOUNTER THING HAHAHA AND WHEN SHE WAS SAYING AWKWARD I WAS LIKE WTF THE NOISE LMAOOOO i don’t think there’s a better way to describe that whole situation than ZKDHDJSHAJAJSHDJSNAHA. yeah. yeaaaa at the cinemas (i like the word cinema more than movies 🥰) here they have chips (fries), some have ice cream, nachos, drinks, hot dogs, the cinema we were at had pretzels and like BURGERS I WAS LIKE HUH OKAY and ya know obviously popcorn but i don’t know why the theaters (or cinemas) here do that, it started a long time ago though like yearsssss

PLEASE i have the longest movie watchlist and uhh haven’t seen any of them JDJSKA (istg i use HSJSSKSH as a period - like . ) i’m still hype for cherry but very hesitant (idk if i can handle it) but i’m thinking about watching it in the next couple of weeks? i know it’ll take me forever bc i’m gonna have to keep pausing and shit but idk. i’ve asked around for very specific trigger warnings and time stamps so i REALLY know what’s coming (even if it spoiled the film a bit for me) but i do really wanna see it (i think? writing this now i’m not so sure lol) so whooooooo really knows lol, but chaos walking YES i was really excited about it :))) and about my friend uhh dude you don’t sound mean at all i was literally thinking the same thing but worse HAAKL idk what she was there for???? she bought my ticket tho so 💁🏾‍♀️ whatever

“SIMS ahh, BUNK BEDS ahh” had me cracking up lmao and you know my sims status JAJAHHAJ but i’m gonna become like you, saving every 5 minutes 😭 but that’s exactly what happened to me, i really didn’t know whether to shut it off or not but after 2 hours i was heartbroken lol i’m literally making a list of things i need to redo that wasn’t saved lmao

CAN I JUST SAY UR A MASTERMIND THOUGH??? UR SIMS GAME SOUNDS SO *chefs kiss* IM CRINE university is PAINFULLY long and LITERALLY I FEEEL THAT like you can’t do anything else without failing, i had my sim go to a party once for like a few hours and i felt so dumb afterwards like urgh he should’ve been studying LMAOO just cracking down on work honestly. UR NEIGHBOR!AU IN THE SIMS PLEASEEE i am very much in love with it, yes. (pouring rain has just suddenly begun where i am rn wow ok) i love that you put them on the same lot, that was really really smart and i love that ur living out your sexuality in the sims😭 i was abt to say “now you can say you’ve got experience bc of the sims” but ANYWAY IGNORE ME fhdhs THE ALIEN BABY DHSJSK i hope it’s not a dealbreaker for enisa. that’d be tragic. IM BACK IN UPPERCASE THO BC YES MAKING OUT IN THE SIMS IS SO HOT TO ME??? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE STFU OH MY GOSH- all the stuff, whispering sweet nothings, and the making out, and JUST ALL OF IT!!! AM I TOUCH STARVED????? there was this time i made my sim just continue to woohoo bc it was turning me on big time. ANYWAY

half way through that i had to go to my grandmothers house (not the one that likes lion king, but uh hmm idk if you remember but i was talking abt my shit family so yeah that grandmother lol) so now i’m finishing this 🥴 and instead of chloe x halle i’m watching a tom interview lmao & if this takes me longer than 30 minutes.... imma cry

I REALLY WANNA ASK- IS IT BC UR GERMAN LIKE YOU CAN JUST WRITE OUT THAT LONG ASS WORD???? i mean i can’t write out supercalafrag- anyway, but that word is a bit nonsense, UR WORD IS A REAL WORD DUDE HDJSHS i love how ur like “maybe i mixed up these words” YEA OK.

lol i had to google what are waveformers lol (lol makes a comeback) and they look like curlers that you would sleep in (here we would call them curlers or uhm i forgot uhhhhhhh rollers i think) but ur fine when am i ever making sense?? i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌

H20 H20 H20 OH MY GOODNESS SHE BROUGHT UP H20 OK MY LIFE WAS H20🥲 I HAVE THEIR LOCKET NECKLACE AND (short storytime) when i was younger i thought they were american despite their accents (idk i was dumb) but then i figured they weren’t when lewis went to go study in america HAHAH ALSO FAVORITE COUPLE CLEO AND LEWIS UGH WATCH ME REWATCH THE SHOW NOW THANKS (also i hated elizabeth so much) but anyway back on topic, when lewis went to go study in the US i looked up where the show took place and all that good stuff and i found out they were australian HAHAH and that started my obsession with accents LMAO the uk :’)) (i’m proofreading AND AUSTRALIA IS NOT A PART OF THE UK LMAOO IM SOO DHSJSSHS) also it is now one of my many goals (besides the body roll HAHAH) to go to mako island (that’s what it’s called right??)

about music, i googled stormzy and i might listen to a song of his.. LOL I WANNA GIVE IT A TRY IMMA DO IT FOR YOU NFDVSFSG lmaoo the german rapper had me cackling (autocorrect once again being helpful and said raper and i’m like nOO) i mean we all have that one person. can’t lie, won’t lie. my one (IM SORRY BUT AUTOCORRECT HAD “MY ONE TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT” SITTING AND READY HDJSJA I DONT EVEN TYPE THAT wHAT) person out of my white soft boy with brown hair and brown eyes type would beeeee pete davidson. love me some petey. i was gonna say rex orange county as well lmao but i don’t really loveeee him i’m just in love with his music... and wanna be friends with him..... so 👉🏾👈🏾 (i never do that fdshsh)

oh my goodness, i love tattoos too- GASP what are you thinking of getting 🥺 i want tattoos too but i’m too indecisive to figure out what to have & where. especially in my family... idk they aren’t frowned upon but my mom’s not applauding the thought lol, if i got one it would have to be meaningful but i am absolutely in love with (for example) ariana grande’s finger tattoos !! they’re so cute and simple :’) i don’t even know if i can get tattoos? my skin is... interesting. not in a bad way!! just like.... idk how to explain it??? keyloids run in the family & i got a piercing once and it got infected soo :/ the doctor also confirmed that if i wanted tattoos they couldn’t be in color so LMAO

ONCE AGAIN THIS WHOLE THING FEELS SO TMI DHSHSSJ IM LIKE OHMIGOSH SHUT UP SHE DOESNT CARE JESJSKS

in regards to you not sleeping, i wanted to mention that dumb bird, what was the reason it was up so early aT 4AM???? SIR WHO YOU CALLING TO??? also it’s 11:30pm and idk why i’m tired???

yeah i was never SUPER into justin so i don’t know exactly what albums you’re talking about lol, i do know yummy though.. but everyone did hahaha also i listen to so much pop 🙈 i mean maybe... idk what would count as pop and what wouldn’t. that new person feeling though.. i get that. it’s like who is this new person..? i kinda feel like that with taylor swift (i was never THAT into her either though so it’s like oh wait i didn’t know you from the beginning instead of hello old friend but you’re different lol)

about the concerts, thanks 🥰🥰 that’s so sweet what you did for your mom too, it’s nice seeing them so happy like 🥲 awh AND GLEE IS AND WAS MY LIFE FOR A V V LONG TIME, i’ve been meaning to rewatch it for the longest time lmaooo but i’m just so lazy and it’s such a commitment... i’ll have to get emotionally involved again and idk if i want that rn. but i have a friend on instagram and she runs a glee fan account and it’s such a big part of her life i really don’t think i could ever be THAT obsessed with something. like another one of my friends loves tom holland so much that she changed her mom’s name in her phone to what tom’s mom’s name is in his phone (that was confusing lol) and obviously i’m not judging them AT ALL, it just couldn’t be me lol

CONCERTS LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN 😩😩 LIKE THE EXPERIENCE AND THE FEELINGGG URGHSJS i wanna see a few people live like ari and chloe x halle and- hmm.... idk who else FJDSJ rex orange county i guess huh anyway, the experience just sounds so amazing and the atmosphere is just ✨✨✨ yeah

aria do it do it do it do it do it- watch hamilton!! but with subtitles bc you won’t catch half of the things they’re saying without them LMAO (me and my family watched it and they all didn’t like it bc they didn’t know what was happening lol) BUT DONT WATCH IT AT 4AM LMAO ITS LITERALLY 3 HOURS LONG

yes!! superior peter fics 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and it just shows how much of an incredible writer AND PERSON you are through your fics that you can turn a blurb into 2k....... like what.

LMAO the annoying thing, sometimes i feel like i’m bothering people (like right now HAHAH) but i think it’s my antisocial side being like yeaa no one wants to talk to you like you wanna talk to them :’) idk it’s strange!! sometimes i get really ✨insecure✨ and overthink everything LOL like is this too long, im talking too much, i’m swearing too much, oh lord i’m a pain, all that good shit lmao so that’s fun:))

ALSO YOUR BLOG IS SO FUN TO ME HAHAK LIKE ITS JUST YOUR OWN AND I LOVE THAT!!! like you talk about everything and anything on here lol,, and i say that bc what you said lmao how if i was someone else i would want to fuck me so bad😭 i honestly don’t understand how i don’t have people lining up though..... but if no one’s gonna tell you... then you tell yourself, period (and sometimes telling yourself is fucking yourself HSHAJKS OK NEXT)

ohmigosh the realization you had that you graduated last year and are going to uni this year🤧 but the fact that you had a teacher who LEFT THE GROUP CHAT bc she was mad at y’all i- 😭 but yeah about your maths (i always wondered why you guys call it maths and the US calls it math. like i know so many people out of the states, not just in the uk that say maths) teacher- i saw this post that said online school is looking a lot like dora the explorer😭😭 “you have any questions?” 🦗 “okay bye then” lmao and please i love when tests have nothing to do with what you studied like ??? thanks? sometimes i get scared that my teacher will somehow find out that i googled everything? or like my answer is too close to the answer sheet or something. i get sooo nervous lol but i’m already past that point of not being able to do anything myself DHJS i mean i’m still learning like i said!! read the question, read the answer. boom. now i know the answer to the question and i learned!

THANKS 🙈🥰🤧 idk how else to explain my feelings LMAO i feel it’s cool that you find my dance lessons and voice lessons cool so thanks :’)

oh god not headache season 😭😭 allergies are the worst like it’s not even funny. is headache season just when the seasons are changing or is it like... all throughout the summer? cuz i love the summer lmaoo i love the winter too but i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO

GIRL IF THAT BIRD DONT STOP CHIRPING- i am 100% convinced that it is the same bird trying to give you headaches and no sleep and it needs to stfu 😤 and pLEASE ur theme is adorable and pretty and cute but also it just feels like you? idk if i’m explaining this right or if it’s bc i’ve been talking to you for a bit but it’s cute but not innocent in a way that i’m surprised that you write smut and- yeah, that didn’t make sense!! but ur new theme is gonna look pretty too and as long as you like it, it’ll be amazing🥰

yessssss the fact that megan is gonna be ur pfp YES JUST YES

edit: ok i just need to 🥺😭 sometimes u make me wanna cry cuz i feel like you’re just a kind person. i truly mean this, the fact that you celebrate yours & others stretch marks makes me so 🥺🥺🥺 i honestly don’t know anyone who has said they want need more stretch marks and it’s just all very lovely to me :’)) OKAY IMMA STOP BEING SAPPY

#yes my fake tags are back #by popular demand #aka me #and look i have actual tags this time! #i’m seriously craving water ice rn....... huh #but it’s past midnight and i fr fr want a snack #aw man #i wrote that last paragraph while doing my tags yes #and i hope you become responsible for that anon’s orgasm #assuming they had one #and i saw your response to the tom thing and yeaa when they only look like that for something and it’s like aw bae be yourself #i’m gonna shut up now and find a snack but goodnight!! morning?? IDK #IF THESE TAGS END UP AS ACTUAL TAGS I AM SO SORRY HAHAHA #alright proofreading done and i’m gonna go eat cereal

okay i‘m on my way to a driving lesson rn and afterwards i have a zoom uni thing, and then another uni thing lmao. but hopefully i can reply to this in between because i‘ve been dying to talk to you since i got this ask dldjds💘💘💘 (i really like this heart. i had a 💖 phase for a while and now it‘s 💘 (seems like a very romantic heart but.... it is what it is idk dkddj)

^okay that was literally all i wrote before my lesson lmfao. just had the worst driving lesson ever dbdvsnylkxsksj i think i‘ve gotten too used to being good at driving and now i‘ve gotten too cocky with it 🥴 anyway i‘ve had such a stressful day and overall week but tbh i‘m already feeling better bc i can (indirectly) talk to you <333

omg i went to chloe or halle (i don‘t remember who out of the two)‘s instagram the other day and found out that they are not twins alejeleksjsksj but yes oh my god their voices are literally angelic and i can‘t wait to see Halle as Ariel (Arielle??)🥰 and omg it‘s literally 2021 and we‘ve only had......... one(?) black Disney Princess like it‘s about fucking time (I might be forgetting someone, I‘m not too familiar with the new Disney films, but as far as I remember there‘s only Tiana right? (who is literally a frog for 3/4 of the film 😭😭) so yes i‘m here for it too😌😌😌 (obviously she‘s not a cartoon like tiana ekdlek but she‘s a disney princess you know what i mean ddkjdh)

pfkejdj i‘m already overwhelmed with my parents i can‘t imagine having siblings too 😭😭 (sometimes i wish i had siblings but then other times (like after reading what you wrote dksjj) i‘m glad that i‘m an only child lmao like your brothers being mean to you and i remember when you cried and he was just like 👁👄👁 ok. like i’m totally okay being an only child sksjsj———and he doesn‘t listen to music 🤧🤧🤧 (although i guess that‘s good for you because at least he can‘t annoy you by listening to loud music that you hate dmdn)

okay okay i might watch wandavision then??? I‘ll definitely let you know!!! and yes omg i‘m loving tfatws (that really is so fucking hard to type omg) but same i totally get what you mean, i‘m not used to watching action series at all and every episode so far has been like a little movie so i‘m glad that i didn‘t wait until it was all out cause there’s no way i could binge watch that lol) and yes last episode was really intense. i‘m glad that marvel are talking about racism because (from what i‘ve seen) they haven‘t been the best in that department, and i‘m really curious to see what they‘ll do in the next episodes (curious isn‘t the right word but excited isn‘t the right wort either, like i‘m excited but in a neutral way ? i‘ll shut up dslsksj i hate that german has so many words that you cant translate because theres a really good german word that describes how i’m feeling but i cant think of a good translation ugh)

okay i absolutely need to watch lion king (and part 2 and 1/ 1/2 dksksj) AND hamilton, i might even do it soon 👀

BURGERS AT THE CINEMA? EBEEISNDBEKSK i‘ll come to the US just to go and watch a movie lmaooo, i think all the popcorn sizes and drinks are bigger as well, i‘ll come and watch chaos walking with you 😌😌 does next week work?

and yeah i‘ve seen posts with specific time stamps and trigger warning for cherry too so if you haven’t looked on tumblr yet i’ve def seen some! (but ive also seen some on twitter and yeah- i mean idk youve probably looked on tumblr but yeah- then there’s also imdb which doesn’t have time stamps i believe but quite specific warnings, mostly without spoilers!)

Tbh i don‘t think i would have even considered watching cherry if tom wasn‘t in it... (i’m personally fine with most of the triggering topics/things like for some reason i’m just stoic when i’m watching the most tragic films ever dldldldlbut the plot just... idk if it‘s for me you know? just entertainment wise?).... and even with tom in it i‘m unsure skeldls, i‘d totally get if you decide not to watch it but let me know if you do i‘d want to hear your thoughts! <3

SKSLSJJ my sims both finally graduated!! i think i played sometime last week, and i literally got the achievement/notification that i‘d been playing with this household for 24hours.... and that was BEFORE they graduated dldjdldkdksjjs

oh no my tumblr broke and three paragraphs of me talking about sims were deleted 😭😭😭

WAIT NO I TOOK SCREENSHOTSSKSK because i couldn’t press save so i knew they might be gone okay okay okay i‘m a genius

*move out

oh no idk if the quality is too bad to read... idk how good your eyes are dkdkdjjd (also sometimes it will be really bad quality for some but not for others so i hope that the you can see the pics in a normal/good quality)

Okay let me continue

OMG THE ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL STUFF IS THE BEST PART ABOUT THE SIMS DIDLDKJIkdkj i kind of miss how in the sims 3 they would be making out basically lying on top of each other if they were on a bed— but in sims 4 when they‘re sitting next to each other and everything that‘s definitely hot too 😌😭 or with hot tubs dkdkdk how one sim climbs on the other sim‘s lap before they woohoo (i used to make them skinny dip in the hot tub and then make out and woohoo so they’re like naked on top of each other even if you can‘t see anything- en e waysss)

Dkdkdkdj so @ Rindfleischet.. blah bla. so it‘s basically just loads of individual words put together/connected and that‘s a really big part of german. so yesterday i had an online Einführungsveranstaltung for uni (like it was a zoom meeting where they just talked about general stuff about the uni and i was really anxious before, idk why, but it turned out absolutely fine so) and that words consists of the two words Einführung (introduction) and Veranstaltung (event) which are also two individual words but you can make a new word (Einführungsveranstaltung, so in english that‘s basically “introduction event“ lmao) by combining those two words. there are obviously some rules like you can‘t just combine random words in a random order but you can basically make infinite words (technically). for example (i feel like i‘m teaching a class just skip this if you don’t care 🙃🙃🙃djdjdkdlns)

for example i could say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer (which is not underlined with red by tumblr because it is a grammatically correct compound word (i think that‘s what they‘re called?)) which is the words introduction + event + participant, so that word just means “participant of an introductory event“ but instead it‘s one word? i hope that makes sense? dkdkkdksks i mean it makes sense in german but idk if it makes sense to you cause idk if i‘m explaining it very well lmao,

(I just deleted a really really long paragraph that i wrote about gender in the german language and grammar, you‘re welcome slsksksj)

my capacity to think has now been used up for the week 🥴🥴🥴 i absolutely do not blame you if you just skipped over that part or can‘t be bothered to (re)read my awful explanation edkflsksjdjdj (again, i had double the amount of words but i just deleted it dkdkdlslsl but what‘s left lf my german lesson is probably confusing enough already😭i‘m sorry🥴)

so to answer your question LEJDKSKJ: it‘s really common to have long words in german, words that are just word+ word+ word + word made into one long word. obv rindfleischetikettierung..... is a very extreme example and it‘s normally just 2-4 words made into one! So yup i think that comes mostly from german and talking german and growing up here and going to school here and everything dmdfnsksx

i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌— YES. YES. Yes. I love that about us 😌😌🥰🥰/ I love us. Yes.

okay but your friend changing her mom‘s name into tom‘s mum‘s name (was that right? Dkdkdjh)—— so Justin Bieber once posted something where you could see that his Dad‘s number was saved as „Daddy Cakes“ (which, thinking back, sounds very weird ekejjej) and till this day I have my Dad’s contact name as Tata (which is serbian for Dad lmao), “Tata🍰“ in my phone because of it 😭😭😭😭🙃🙃🙃 it‘s not because of justin anymore like i‘ve just gotten used to it by now but at first i did it because of justin lol........ but nowadays i don‘t think i‘m THAT type of fan of anyone- like you know how people have fandom names (Justin‘s fans are the Beliebers, One Direction fans are Directioners (writing that hurt my soul💔💔💔)) and I wouldn‘t consider myself a fan of anyone like that. like even with tom i wouldn‘t call myself........ does tom even have a name for his fans??? Well if he does, I wouldn‘t call myself that. Like i used to be such a hardcore stan for any celebrity that i liked and now it‘s just... okay, i like em. (She says on her blog where she writes fan fiction about Tom Holland — WJDJEJDKELSKSKKSNSNDXB🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃)

Omg rex orange county!!!!!! I don‘t know that many songs like I‘ve only listened to the album pony, but i love it 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

thanks again for what you said about my fics/writing I‘m🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Pete Davidson Pete Davidson Pete Davidson I‘m-🥰🥰🥰🥰 and I can‘t explain why. But as blissfulparker said the other day (i don‘t want to tag her and make her read through all of this lolll) “I like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death 😍“ (or something along the lines of that) eskkejs okay pete isn‘t that bad, he looks quite good on some days but other days you‘re like... is this man alive? Like i don‘t want to be mean I love Pete so much The King of Staten Island is literally my favourite film ever (although it‘s not my #1 because of how he looks, but i mean he does look good) VUT ALSO

(Okay i was gonna look for a terrible picture of him but he really doesn‘t look as bad as people say??? like. i think he‘s hot. can‘t necessarily explain why. so that‘s that on that.)

i‘m not going chronologically right now (i just keep scrolling up to your ask and replying to whatever i see first sksksksh) so i might miss a thing or two that you said

Okay Stormzy, you really really don‘t have to dkdkdjd like i think you said you don‘t really listen to rap, and uk rap is a whole nother thing from us rap because of the accent i feel like??? (That sentence did not make sense) BUT if you‘re looking for a few songs that aren‘t like RAP rap, then I‘d recommend One Second (feat HER), Superheroes, Own it (which you might know?), ummm maybe the song Lessons?, he has a ton of Lion King references by the way dkdjdj for example in Rachael‘s Little Brother but that‘s like more RAP again if you know what I mean?😭 and it‘s also like 5 Minutes long and tbh i only started liking that song a year after that album came out lmao but Rachael‘s Little Brother is possibly my fav Stormzy song, then there is Shut Up which you absolutely need to listen to just for fun dldjdjd like it‘s just pure fun and also a little funny lmao, especially if you‘re not British (i imagine so at least) cause he‘s like shuTTTT up idk dldkdjdldkjdhdhfjfbfldlsksksks

Vossi Bop is one of his classics, and then maybeee - ok so there‘s Blinded By Your Grace Pt. 2 lmaoobdjsj it‘s very (Christian/) religious but i like it a lot even though i‘m not really Christian (at least not practicing or anything) so idk about your views on religion but i do like the song a lot just by like the sound lmao

Okay so again you absolutely DO NOT have to listen to any, especially not for me dlskdj but I really do recommend the songs Superheroes, One Second and Rachael‘s Little Brother (and all the other ones i mentioned but if you don‘t listen to a lot of his songs you should at least give these three a try <3333) also let me know some of your songs? 🥺 like i dont care who they‘re by but i‘d love to listen to some that you like and Recommend 🥰🥰🥰

Okay so skdjdjdjddhhddhdhjsk... I used to watch all of my series in German (like H2O) bc obviously they were on german tv so they were german- and i knew that most of these actors i saw on tv were american and i was always SO fascinated that they all learned german for this show??? Like I actually thought they were the people‘s real voices and that these English and American actors were learning german so they could re-record the whole ass show and do everything in german dkdkdldjdjjd... i swear I thought that until I was like 14 omg. And then the first time that I watched H2O in the original version i was sooo confused about their accents because to me all actors who spoke english were American?? I mean MOST of those shows are American so I wasn‘t completely off but yeah i was definitely caught off guard when I heard all of their Australian accents for the first time 💀💀😭😭😭

@ math vs maths, math actually makes more sense in my opinion. like you have the word mathematics, then the abbreviation would obviously be math... why would English people randomly add the s from the end??? Or maybe it makes more sense after all because it‘s like plural??? Now I‘m unsure dkdkdkdj but i do say maths because that‘s how i was taught to say it and i hear the word maths more than math but yeah dldkdjs i think math might even make more sense (okay i just tried saying math and maths is easier to pronounce but again tjat might just be me, oh god i‘ll stop talking about that disgusting thing (mathematics).)

not the crickets and dora LMAOOOSNSNSMDNBS yeah that teacher was... a lot. a lot a lot a lot didjjd but she kinda liked me so she always gave me good grades/marks but the people she didn‘t like..... ooft. OOF.

Fksksjsj idek about headache season like i just know that i get headaches from the sun and i‘m allergic to only one.. type of...pollen??? (I don’t understand the science of that whole pollen thing and idek if it’s called pollen in english i just know sex pollen from fan fics😔)and yeah we have this weird wind that makes a lot of people get headaches yeahd dkdkdj. i loved the i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO lllioool i love that i really do. i always struggle so much in the summer cause i never have anything to wear. i feel like i buy so many new summer clothes every year but when i end up looking for an outfit i don‘t ever find anything 😭 (so i just go naked— lmao jk jk) but i‘m generally not the biggest fan of summer so-

OMG THIS FUCKING BIRD ISTG, okay the first time i heard it i went to sleep at like 5 am, so the next day i was like let me go to bed earlier so the bird doesn‘t keep me up, so i went to bed at 4 am (🥲) and THE BIRD JUST STARTED FUCKING CHIRPING SO LOUDLY, so the next day i went to bed at 3 am AND IT FUCKING STARTED AT 3 AM and it‘s still there 😁 every. night.

and since you said you‘ve gotten used to my theme and everything (idk where this transition came from😭) so tomorrow (2nd april) we have our... wait what‘s an anniversary but for a month.? I think month is like mensus in latin OK NO THATS DEF WRONG DKDKDJ wait

So Tomorrow is our... mensiversary💘💘💘💘💘💘 or at least from the first time you sent an ask. i couldn‘t find it on my tumblr anymore because tumblr is a bit of a bitch but i remember the first thing you ever sent (in an ask) was something lovely about my writing and i always take screenshots of stuff like that, and i found it in my gallery. and i took that screenshot of your ask on the 2nd of march so i‘m assuming that‘s when you sent it 🥰🥰 i feel like i‘ve known you for a week not a month like how is it a month already????? (i mean this in a good way lmao but i really can’t believe that its been a month wtf)

omg no you make me want to cry because i just love you so much 😭😭🥺 but about the stretch mark thing it‘s just.. it‘s not even me trying to empower other women (or anyone else who has stretch marks) to shake off these dumb insecurities that the patriarchy and capitalism have instilled in us— ok no it‘s definitely that too lmao. But i mean I‘ve always loved stretch marks, i‘ve just always loved loved loved them so much so it makes me genuinely sad that people don‘t like them. so yeah. i dont really know how to explain it lol, like i‘m not (only) hoping that people realise that hating your stretch marks is giving the men and the patriarchy what they want per se- (that made no sense) it‘s just because i love stretch marks and think they‘re beautiful and also sexy. idk dldkdjls and omg the fact that you called me kind 🥺🥺🥺 like i don‘t really have a goal in life or anything, but if i had to choose a ‘goal‘ in life it would just be to be kind. (i‘ll end this here otherwise i‘m gonna talk about being kind for 30 more lines—)

And please. Do not ever feel like you‘re annoying me or sending too much. never ever ever. I get so happy when i see that you‘ve sent me an ask. No matter if it‘s a long one like this or just a short one where you‘re saying something about a post that i reblogged or something. I love hearing from/about you and talking to you 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

P.S: i‘m so sorry for the tags you‘re about to read they make even less sense than this post, also i reached the tag limit dkdkdj but i said some butterfly tattoos look tacky... and the next thing i said was since we‘re already speaking about Ariana- I DID NOT MEAN THAT SHE WAS TACKY dldkdjsj, i meant since you already mentioned some of her tattoos lmao

[angrylizardjacket]

Yaaasss!!! Jelous Ben was si cuteee and we love a supportive mother, her mom is fantastic and a savage. I hace a question, how did you come up with reader's character in x-men?? I legit googled it as I thought it was a real character, so welk done.

i love her mum so fuckin much, dude, she’s supportive but can still be embarrassing at times. i wrote her, not like my actual mum, but like my dad now that i think about it. dude literally told me over the phone that he’d physically fight people for shittalking me (not just in general, there’s more context, but the point still stands). idk i think it’s disingenuous to not let parental characters have certain flaws, like they’re allowed to be overprotective and spiteful, as well as caring and supportive. i love her too.

oH SHIT DUDE LEMME TALK ABT MY GIRL CASSIDY TEMPLE I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH AND I”VE PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO HER THAT THIS WILL HAVE A READ MORE

so cassidy’s powers are actually based off of an xmen oc i’ve already written 70k about, Aoibheal Cassidy, younger sister of Banshee, Sean Cassidy, and Cassidy Temple’s name is a reference to her, since originally I was going to essentially have Y/N playing Aoibheal (because it’s my fic and i can include an homage to my xmen oc as a treat). the powers themselves are based loosely on Multiple Man from X-Men: The Last Stand, except Cassidy’s clones can’t live a life of their own like his can. In the xmen fic, aoibheal starts off with having unlimited clones, and they can explode because i thought it was neat tbh.

From the original fic, Molotov Heart, chapter 3, rubatosis:

[Context; humans experimenting on mutants between X-Men First Class and X-Men Days Of Future Past have caught Sean and Aoibheal and they experiment on them even though Aoibheal’s powers have not manifested (she is approximately 13) and they kill her brother in front of her]:

Stunned into silence, she can feel something white-hot building inside of her, all the rage and fear and pain becoming almost tangible.

She mutates.

Copies of Aoibheal, clones, appear around them, filling up the space between the now screaming and bewildered 'doctors'. Aoibheal herself doesn't seem to notice the clones, bawling her eyes out, an action the clones themselves are mirroring, and she thinks of nothing but freedom and escape, focusing on the white-hot feeling inside of her until it overwhelmed her. With the force of a bunker-buster bomb, the clones began to combust, began to explode, first a few, and then all at once. Killing the human personel who had kept her hostage, the blast reduced the warehouse to mere cinders, freed Aoibheal and left her clothing in tatters, but she was alive damn it.

The reason Cassidy has a limited number is because i needed a way to have her powered up as a horseman, like a distinct power up, rather than just something unseen like heightened reflexes and strength. 

I would like to point out also, that it’s not stated, but Cassidy’s explosions (NOT AOIBHEAL’s) are never to do with heat, they’re always about force. the explosions themselves are never hot, never have anything to do with fire or anything like that, she builds up force inside of the clones, and lets it tear her apart from the inside out as a wave that destroys the things it comes into contact with.

The scream was originally hereditary, like Banshee, it developed as her secondary mutation.

From the Marvel Wiki:

The Secondary Mutation (or "Second Mutation") is a phenomenon in which an existing mutant undergoes another mutation, gaining additional powers, such as healing, or a change in appearance.

Secondary mutation is noted as the appearance of new powers, or an increase in existing powers.

It was stated by Beast that the secondary mutations usually occurred in the twenties of the subjects, and generally appeared in time of great stress.

From the original fic, chapter 8, nodus tollens:

The appearance of the secondary mutation:

The world falls apart in a blur of movement. The gun goes off just after Raven jumps and makes a break for the window, the bullet curves as she crashes through the glass, following her on the way down. Tackling Erik earns Hank a mean right hook to the jaw, but Aoibheal’s there, looking at Trask like a dear in the headlights, memories whipping through her head like a hurricane - the sick fuck looks pleased to see her – her mouth falls open and she screams. She and the clone scream in tandem, their voices supersonic as the surrounding people clutched their ears for dear life; struggling to keep a hold of the feeling in her chest that caused her to explode, the clone detonates like a firework, scorching the wallpaper while Trask is stumbling to the door. There’s blood leaking from his ears but Aoibheal can’t move, can only scream and relive the memory of her brother’s murder over and over again.

Hank discussing it:

"I've never seen a secondary mutation so vastly different!" No longer blue or furry, [Hank’s] smile is excited as he looks over at her. Sharing the cockpit feels almost familiar by now, with Aoibheal curled up in the passenger seat nursing a glass of water. "It makes sense though, your original mutation – the explosions – would be an extension of your temperature immunity, but your secondary mutation is hereditary."

Cassidy’s scream, however, unlike Banshee’s, only effects things with ears, not inanimate objects like glass. Of course she could learn the right pitch to get glass to shatter like an opera singer, but generally speaking, her scream only effects things that can hear. 

OKAY LETS TALK ABT THE STUFF I FABRICATED FOR THE FIC

oh GOD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH MAGNETO

not as in romantic, as in he is literally her character’s main inspiration in the films. i’m literally making a fake trailer right now that’s intercut with moments from his DOFP speech that was broadcast to the whole of america.

i love dofp (possibly to my detriment) but i always thought it was weird that no-one was ever like.... magneto has a point. BECAUSE HE HAS A POINT. he’s speaking directly to disenfranchised and SCARED mutants across the nation, and yet everyone’s heralding Mystique as the new face of mutant kind. YES she made a point, but like.... did no-one vibe with magneto when he promised the destruction of mankind? i would. anyways.

so i thought it would be interesting for this character, Cassidy, to have this hero-worship of Magneto, taking his words to heart like scripture, ultimately making her a foil for Phoenix, Xavier’s protege. 

it’s why i specifically included this:

“You should be,” you hissed, putting your all into the words as you spoke them, and you hear Ben inhale sharply beside you, “we shall inherit the Earth.”

“What follows is a struggle as Cassidy and the figure – revealed to be her clone – proceed to kill the man. When they’re finished, and the man’s dead on the ground, Cassidy straightens her outfit, and we hear –“ as the director reads, Michael begins to slowly clap, “a slow clap, and it’s revealed that Apocalypse, as well as Storm, Angel, and Magneto, had all witnessed the event.”

“We are the future, we are the ones who shall inherit the Earth,” Michael reads as he stops clapping.

“Magneto,” you breathe reverentially, and when you look to him, you and Michael share a sharp smile.

which is a direct quote from magneto’s speech in Days of Future Past:

You built these weapons to destroy us. Why? Because you are afraid of our gifts. Because we are different. Humanity has always feared that which is different. Well, I'm here to tell you, to tell the world, you're right to fear us. We are the future. We are the ones who will inherit this earth, and anyone who stands in our way will suffer the same fate as these men you see before you. Today was meant to be a display of your power. Instead I give you a glimpse of the devastation my race can unleash upon yours. Let this be a warning to the world. And to my mutant brothers and sisters out there, I say this; no more hiding, no more suffering. You have lived in the shadows in shame and fear for too long. Come out, join me. Fight together in the brotherhood of our kind. A new tomorrow, that starts today.

which ALSO is what turns her into the next big villain for the franchise, because she sees Magneto, the man she kind of thinks of like a god, turn on and help kill Apocalypse, the man who claimed to be an actual god, and side with the people who, ultimately, don’t want to destroy the human race like she does, and also killed the man she loved. she takes Magneto’s ideologies and turns them up to 11. he fucks off to create a mutant paradise away from prying eyes and is happy, she won’t be happy until all humans are punished.

it’s why, in the beginning, she and raven can’t still work together, because raven wants to rescue mutants, but not at the expense of unnecessary human lives, and cassidy sees all humans as complicit in the torture, and therefore deserving of punishment. 

she has deemed herself judge, jury, and executioner of human kind, and they have all been found guilty.

i’m so excited to see if i get around to writing some of the next film because i really want to explore the dichotomy of Xavier’s ‘no-one is ever really gone/there’s always hope’ and magneto’s ‘you were right to be afraid of us, we are the ones who shall inherit the earth’. Everyone has given up on Cassidy in one way or another, whether it be by betrayal or death, and so when she finds this symbiote who literally becomes a part of her, makes her stronger, and is happy to kill people with little regard for who they are, she’ll take it. 

EDIT: here’s the first 26 seconds of the fake trailer (Y/N here is played by Jurnee Smollett, aka Black Canary from Birds of Prey)

ANGEL & RIOT

i wanted y/n to kiss ben hardy that’s literally it. 

actually no that’s not it 100%, i think it’s super amusing in a kind of bleak way that he got fridged for her, like his death, both in the “””comics””” (as in the comic universe for the fics) and in the film, causes her to seek out a force that would help bring him back to life. in the “””comics””” she originally seeks out a mutant, but when the mutant who can bring people back refuses to help her, she’s told of experiments at The Life Foundation, who are working on engineering the next step in human evolution, and she’s thinking that they’re experimenting on mutants again, like trask, and goes in guns blazing, but instead finds symbiotes. she bonds with a symbiote, thus becoming Riot Control, and the symbiote initially promises her all these things, including being able to find a way to ressurect angel, but eventually (in the “””comics”””) the power he gives her overtakes her need to ressurect her love, and riot ends up using her to try and build a ship to bring more symbiotes to take over earth.

IN THE FILM

okay OKAY okay OKAY so she’s looking for a way to ressurect angel at first, but riot’s in her ear while he’s seeing all her memories, and is convincing her to get revenge on the people who are responsible for his death (nightcrawler, jean, and Magneto specifically) so its not that the xmen are just in the plot by happenstance there’s like actual beef, love it. 

I also love that Cassidy’s powers are handicapped when she’s got Riot, since her scream would injure or even possibly kill him. Yes i specifically paired her with a symbiote for that reason, which is also the reason why her clone explosions aren’t heat based. 

but anyway, can i spoil the ending? i wanna spoil the ending;

so there’s this big showdown between riot control and the xmen, and jean confronts cassidy, trying to talk her down like ‘what would angel think if he saw you? What you’ve become?’ and Cassidy’s furious, thinking that jean’s trying to guilt her, like, angel would be so ashamed

“Keep his name out of your fucking mouth, you have no idea what he’d think-”

“He’d be terrified of you.” And it’s so fucking like, cruel and cold coming from Jean.

“Shut up.”

“You have become a monster; you have maimed your idol-” [we cut to a shot of magneto looking all fucked up and bloody, watching with anger in his eyes] “and you have left Angel for dead. If you’d really cared about him, you would have already gotten him back. Instead, you come for revenge against the people who could have helped you -”

or something like that, and riot control has a whole breakdown, lashing out, snarling that no-one could help her, and when they tried, they ended up dead (angel, apocalypse) and she starts losing control, and her voice starts to distort in and out of riot’s, making it clear he’s taking control of her completely. 

there’s this big, final fight, which culminates with jean grabbing cassidy’s face and trying to burn riot out of her.

“No-one is beyond help.” And Jean’s like, got tears in her eyes, desperate to save this girl who’s caused so much pain, but who sees herself as so wretched and beyond help, and we see the symbiote burning away and screaming, but also the physical signs of cassidy’s mutation as like, peeling away in embers, like the black scales around her eyes, and the way her whole eyes are seen as black is now clearing away, and she takes both of Jean’s hands and forces her to keep holding on, to keep looking in her natural fucking eyes for the first and last time as she burns out too.

“You can’t save everyone.” and then Cassidy’s just ash in the wind.

also this ending, in a meta-sense, makes sense, because after this Disney buys Fox and there’s no more this-universe X-Men films, so they had to do a self-contained story, there couldn’t be things left super unresolved.

OR maybe she’s fine, maybe she gets saved and riot burns out of her (spoilers, he fucks off and doesn’t die, hence, Venom (2018); it takes him about 20 years to recuperate) i haven’t decided.

[queer-starling]

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?  

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert 

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u  

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal 

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? 

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao. 

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today. 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT 

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal   

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me 

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.  

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink 

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better  

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her 

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore 

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there. 

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH) 

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul 

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? 

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess? 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up 

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

:/

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

[clamorbelli]

whaddup . it’s ya boy , skinny penis . ok so there’s not much to put here except hi to any new people that might’ve not seen my intro for noelle & angelo ( CLICK HERE ). i’m jaz, & this here is my newest babe, sebastian higgings. i’ve definitely missed stuff, but underneath the cut u’ll find plenty of fun stuff abt him. and by fun i mean tragic , bc sebastian is a piece of shit. ; )

‹  LIKE THIS OR HMU IF YOU’D LIKE TO PLOT WITH SEB.  ›

TRIGGER WARNINGS  :  death, drugs, alcohol, emotional instability, therapy mentions, unhealthy habits, blood mention.

◟ * ◊ ─  keith powers + cismale + he/him » * believe it or not sebastian belongs to the higgings family. they are 26 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around buena vista apartments. the photographer has been living in victoria for 22 years. the people closest to them describe the bisexual + aquarius to be +inspired and +autonomous as well as -callous and -debauched.

sebastian is the ( current ) eldest son of the late johnathan and sasha higgings, born to the couple when they were happy, in love, and a shining example of what marriage should be. sebastian was a momma’s boy through and through from the day he was born, severe separation issues plaguing his infantdom, only rectified through intense therapy. his bond with his mother, even after finally being convinced she wasn’t the only nice person in the world, never wavered however. they were thick as thieves.

there was never anything remarkable about seb’s childhood except his fondness for the family camera whenever they went on holiday. his parents first believed it was a desire to model, but they soon came to understand it wasn’t being in front of it that seb wanted, he wished to be behind it. from then on they gave him a disposable on every trip, and before long the house was full of his amateur photography.

when he was ten, the unthinkable and unfathomable happened. his mother died. seb had been an entirely normal, average kid up until that point, but part of him died the day his mother slipped away forever. it was impossible for it not too, with the amount of time they’d spent together, his dependency on her at birth, the fact she was his best friend and it didn’t matter what the kids at school thought. as a child, he was ruined, affected for the rest of his life in ways he didn’t quite understand yet.

seb was sixteen by the time victoria was adopted into the family, and his reign of terror on victoria had long since begun. he came home with bloody noses and bruises more times than he could count, he sneered and spat at other kids in the playground, knowing they could do little except beat him to a pulp and have their parents foot the bill. he started drinking all too early, dabbled in drugs no sixteen year old should’ve touched, spent nights away from home, uninterested in the new woman in his father’s life.

victoria, however, was a different story. the pair got on like a house on fire, likely because of their bratty, conniving ways. at that age sebastian was like gasoline and his newfound sister was the match. natalya still had seb’s heart from when they were kids, his sister being the one thing in life he still felt warmth for, but victoria had managed to form a relationship of her own with him. for a while it was them against the world, until cassandra stepped in, pitted the girls against each other, and made life infinitely harder for a boy already on the brink.

he and his father argued daily. blazing rows that ended in smashed kitchenware. seb was losing it but the higgings patriarch failed to see his behaviour as anything more than childish cries for attention. seb didn’t know the empty feeling in his chest wasn’t normal. he didn’t know he shouldn’t play with girls emotions until they cried. he didn’t understand why he only felt things when he was getting into schoolyard fights or looking through the lens of a camera.

seb graduated high school and chose to do an online course for photography, honing his skills whilst remaining close by until his sisters graduated. when they did, he only managed a year without natalya before leaving the city himself, he would miss victoria dearly, but they facetimed every day and skyped properly at the weekends. before he left he told his father to stick his businesses up his ass. he was disconnecting from his legacy. his final words to his father were full of toxicity and rage, as they had been for 12 years now.

he went to new york, cliché and crazy as it may have been, and found a surprisingly immense amount of success. through some ridiculous means, his shots were picked up by a local, renowned photography blog, the owner of the blog also owning a gallery, wishing to display his work. from then on it was up and up. seb travelled the globe, was able to shoot the most incredible places, spent his weeks on planes and trains and on his feet. he had his dream, he made a name for himself, he didn’t need his father.

seb may have had the career of his dreams, but his personal life was a shambles. full of one night stands with no substance, exes that hated his guts, friends who’d found it too unbearable to be around him. he was arrogant, confident in himself to a fault, unable to connect with passion on any level except with his work. he was a riot, a fun guy to be around who was willing to try anything once, but he lacked the ability to form meaningful relationships. people came and went and seb was left, alone, in his fancy apartment somewhere in manhattan. he was as lonely as he was the day his mother had died, things in that regard had never changed.

the phone call he received when victoria died shook him to his core, the male feeling something other than debauchery for the first time in a long time. his father? a fucking waste of space who failed to keep his children safe, but victoria? he flew home just days ago, having one emotional instinct left in him – his brotherly instinct. natalya was still alive and god knows seb was going to lose another member of his family. 

PERSONALITY  :

ok so yeah, seb’s an dick. when i say emotionally unavailable i mean . . . highly, on an unhealthy level that requires some serious therapy. seb lost himself when his mother died and since then he’s been trying to find some solace in these flings he always has but, of course, he never will. he’s apathetic when it comes to people becoming attached to him so tends to be particularly cruel with ppl who get involved w him.

asshole . like, just not . .. a nice person . will point out someone’s faults, will tell u if ur skirt is ugly as fuck, willing to laugh in your face if he thinks what you said is stupid. just doesn’t . . give a f. needs to grow up.

hOWEVERRRR R rr. ofc if he was like that 24/7 he’d never even get people into bed in the first place so he can, of course, turn on the charm. he’s very flirtatious, loves sex and sexually charged conversations. flirting is a hobby for him and it’s one he has fun with. if ur not looking for anything deeper, seb isn’t too bad ig . if you can engage him on things he wants to talk about, keep things chill, not take his dickheadedness to heart, etc, he can be manageable. sort of.

massively confident, but unfortunately it’s justified. he’s beautiful, he’s talented, he’s rich of his own accord, and he’s successful. he’s massively independent, but finds it hard to work in a team.

he’s ! lowkey ! a visionary !!! when it comes to photography he really is that bitch and is genuinely incredible at his job because it’s something he’s actually passionate about. he never turns down the opportunity to photograph, so even though usually he loves money, he’d be willing to do a lot of photography for free whilst he’s back bc ? he just loves doing it, and it reminds him of his mom and how she encouraged him.

uHhh bad habits to the max. the only one of my charas who regularly takes hard drugs and drinks, has a penchant for mdma and is looking into microdosing to help his artistic ability. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS  :

exes from before he moved away

fwbs

best friend, probably only 1 bc . . . intolerable

any kind of connection from before he moved, bc it’s always exciting to see someone again after four years right

enemies lmao

people he knew in new york, if anyone has charas who’ve been there recently

people that were friends with vic

i dunno i’m not good at these y’aLL KNO I LIKE BRAINSTORMING DOMFDOD

give me some angsty shit too

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@lanvinlouis THANK YOU for these beautiful truthful asks and the chance to talk more about how Jeremy Is Valid

honestly i'm h e e r e .......................................................for jeremy...like from the opening number it makes it obvious that what jeremy's after isn't really anything like popularity or coolness in and of itself, he just wants like, the chance to be okay lol....really he's like, actively suffering, and he wants whatever it is he needs to change that. it isn't that he's like, inherently jealous of popularity or coolness or whatever and he's just interested in status for the sake of his own ego, it's that he feels like whenever he's just existing and trying to get from point A to point B, he's drawing this antagonism and contempt and he can't manage to change his situation on his own. and like it's not just that school is fucked up for him b/c he's already like "everything sucks" before he's even left his bedroom at the start of the day like. he's unhappy with his whole life, and now he's basically at this point where he doesn't feel like that's going to change either thanks to or independently of his own efforts, and like, that's bad....just like, in general, when somebody feels like their life NEEDS to change but that there's no chance it will, they're pretty much having an ongoing crisis for as long as that lasts. and like yeah jeremy's dealing with all these issues and is like, taking it day by day trying to go through it like it's a routine, but not only is the "things will change eventually" in doubt for him but like also his ability to actually just tolerate it indefinitely is also in doubt, even though he's been dealing with it for a long time, the problems have probably gotten worse and more numerous and then yknow meanwhile he's probably feeling less hope about things than he might've back in say middle school and such

like, he's desperate enough to actually consider the super weird advice of the guy who bullies him i guess every day. cuz like he sings right off the bat that he wants someone to help him after his own efforts fail yet again and rich is telling him about the squip right after his lowered expectations have fallen even further and, yknow, jeremy definitely is feeling like things can't change even if he tries and that he does need some external source of help and as far as he can tell, the possibility of getting a working squip is the one chance he has...and like even though it's mentioned fairly briefly i think it's efficiently established that his parents' fairly recent divorce is really pushing him to feel even worse / more desperate for something to change things up cuz like, his mom's left and his dad's not literally absent but like, is more absent. and then also jeremy's seeing his dad as being in a similar place as he is and seeing that as evidence that yeah, things might not ever change. and jeremy wants to (tell himself he can) just move on and skip being upset and just accept it as is and his dad's not facilitating that facade and jeremy resents that a bit too

anyways yeah michael!! i know ppl have already talked abt him maybe not being very empathetic and it sure does seem to fit just fine w the material and the sorts of patterns of him engaging w jeremy.........like it definitely seems as though probably the situation he and jeremy are in is that like, they're both p much settled in to the routine of high school and the approach is to just get through the day and then they can retreat to either of their houses and hang out and have things be fine there. and i think the way michael sees it is that since he's the one who's not really stressing out about things being miserable and he's got the perspective that it's all okay since they appreciate each other and college will be way better, that means jeremy would be able to feel the same way about things if he just listened to michael and adopted that same perspective. whereas jeremy's feeling like those things aren't enough to make him feel okay, and when he complains and michael has the advice to just pretty much forget about it, that's just gonna seem like michael's not offering him anything that could actually help, because their friendship alone can't make up for everything else, and he can't tolerate two more years and knowing that things might be better then don't change what he's dealing with currently. like, i think the both of them just feel like the other just isn't listening to him lol....but like i do also think that michael sort of suspects that jeremy's really not doing so great and that his own advice is inadequate, because he does seem to understand pretty easily how/why jeremy wants to actually try to get a squip.

oh yeah and that even michael's light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel Guys Like Us Are Cool In College thing is of limited comfort because it's really just more of the same. like, that they'll still just be at the mercy of this social judgment, but when they get to college it'll happen to be in their favor. and that comes up when they fight and jeremy points this out how michael Loves To Feel Superior based on his own set of coolness standards. and, you know, speaking of what they Say with regard to how some of michael's shortcomings / weaknesses played into the squiptuation, even in mitb the lyric "but through no fault of mine" suggests more that this is defensive and he maybe does suspect that he factored into it a little bit, versus the lyric just being there to be interpreted as an objective peer-reviewed Fact in the middle of this purely emotional one-person-perspective song. it's not as though it's michael's fault or that it's a bad thing that he didn't know how to help jeremy perfectly or that because he might've been selfish in some ways he deserves to lose jeremy entirely. and tbh the stuff michael said even played into jeremy's decision to block him out / leave him behind, because of how michael's take on the problem of them being Uncool was that all they could do was embrace being losers and wait it out. so when jeremy was trying to change things, michael was set up to not only be a symbol of how things used to be, but based on the things michael always told jeremy, he's also seeing michael as a symbol of things being unable to change. and he does still care about him and all and like, doesn't even want to cut him out, but he's so convinced that his own judgment and feelings are useless that he's ignoring the fact he doesn't want to. and when he fights with michael at the party, jeremy's defensive b/c his misgivings abt his squip are kind of only making him more desperate to believe it's still okay, and also he's just in a bad place for anything much less to have an argument, and michael's kind of adding in this bitterness just about being left behind that isn't helping his other points come through as mere genuine concern. like, of course he's right to be hurt, but jeremy's also right to feel hurt by michael even if michael wasn't making the choices that led to the situation. they're mad at each other and they end up fighting once again in the play Because of the fact that they love each other and they want more than to be disappointed by the other.

and ugh yeah loser geek whatever............just kill me, every time i listen to it it's such a fuckin journey through the emotions of it all and. yknow it's like they say, it's sort of a Victorious Powerful Anthem because jeremy's definitively choosing to take action to change his life, even if he's feeling swept up in that change. but he's also only able to make that choice because he really thinks so little of himself that he's taking the self-contradictory stance of "i have to entirely stop caring about how i feel if i want to achieve my goal of Feeling Good About My Life" and deciding that yeah, his own thoughts and judgment are worthless, and he's choosing to totally accept the guidance of this entity that tells him that his life sucks because everyone sees him as disgusting and awful and they're right to feel that way about him. like he's finding it that easy to accept that he just objectively sucks and that even something so inherent as his sense of what's painful or bad is just wrong, because that's how deep his flaws run. and like yeah again he acknowledges that he's being selfish right there in the lyrics, but that's not exactly meant to be like, he's acknowledging that he's also being Evil And Wrong, because technically wanting himself to be happy is selfish, and that's not bad. he just thinks that the squip is the only way he can maybe be happy, and the only way for the squip to work is if he listens to it, and he can only listen to it if he accepts that it's right about everything including how he's horrible and he can never do things right on his own etc etc etc etc. like, he obviously didn't really expect the squip to be like "you're too gross to live" but it was really not that difficult for the squip to convince him that it was right. he hates himself a lot lol.....

also just, as something generally applicable, it's also no wonder that jeremy's often frustrated with everything and that it bleeds into stuff he says and does and the choices he makes being possibly not the most thought-through or Objective, and how can lose his patience sometimes. like he's out here with his flaws and weaknesses just like anybody else, and it's miscommunication too that's leading to Conflicts / making him feel alone

anyways sorry it took me a few days to answer that and frankly this Could be longer.......neither has anything to do with how much i like getting long messages and answering with long messages and supporting and discussing jeremy heere, b/c i like all of that A Lot, @ me about it at absolutely any time and at any length

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

but like if Diana was suddenly Alive, how would she react to Luke and Tori's relationship, both pre-war and during it?

hey, thanks for being so patient with me on this!

i had to flesh Diana’s character out a little more so i could get inside her head and think of how she might respond to Tori’s relationship with Luke

so without further ado, hcs below!

so Diana is suddenly just…like Alive, prolly the year that Percy comes to camp, let’s say (which means that Luke has already stolen the lightning bolt and helm of darkness, but it’s like mid-january, just for timeline reference)

she wakes up in a hospital, the doctors say she came out of a coma but she’s pretty sure she died

she can’t remember where she was during the interim, and the doctors can’t recall how she ended up in the hospital or who was even paying for her to remain on life-support for so long

whenever she asks, they stutter a response before going completely silent and getting a glazed look in their eyes for a few moments only to come out of it, smile, and change the subject

she’s discharged from the hospital after a abt a week (idk if that’s even realistic lol) of monitoring and recovery

and as she’s getting dressed, a million thoughts race through her head abt if she still has a place to live, if she has a hospital bill that will kill her again, where her children are

and once that thought pops into her head, that’s all she can think abt

so even with all those other worries she finishes dressing and jumps off the bed, heading straight to the front counter to check out

but she pauses when she sees a familiar-looking man flirting with the nurse at the desk

she wants to confront him immediately, but doesn’t want to look crazed in front of the nurse so she shoves him out of the way, interrupting their flirting session

“i’m Diana Williams, checking out, is there anything i need to do? sign?”

the nurse is miffed and has enough dignity to look ashamed for ignoring Diana before grabbing a clipboard and pen for Diana to sign, explaining info abt bills and the like

Diana can barely hear, she scans the paper and signs before handing the clipboard and pen back to the nurse

she turns to face the man then

it’s Apollo if you haven’t figured it out yet

he’s abt her age, with brown skin and hazel eyes, short curly brown hair but she knows its him, she’d be able to tell from a mile away

he opens his mouth to say smth, but she grabs his arm and pulls him outside

“where are my children?”

flashing sideways to Tori, she’s at camp, totally oblivious to what’s just happened, as is Dan (still not claimed btw)

the next day they’re called to the big house before breakfast with no explanation

Diana is waiting with Chiron, in his wheelchair form, in the front room

Diana’s always been good at making friends, so she’s chatting with Chiron easily and honestly he’s more uncomfortable abt this whole situation than Diana

the doors swings open and Dan comes in first, quickly followed by Tori

they both pause when they see their mom and Diana stands, flattening the wrinkles in her dress and smiling nervously at her children

Dan rushes forward and pulls her into a hug, tears flooding his eyes

Tori is still frozen at the door, afraid this is some cruel dream or hallucination

when Dan is done hugging Diana, he pulls back, keeping one of her hands in his and turns to face Tori, who is still frozen at the door

Diana smiles softly and holds out her free hand, and like two magnets, Tori’s hand raises and she slowly approaches Diana

when their hands meet, Tori breaks down into tears and Diana rushes forward to throw her arms around her daughter as they both sink to the floor

it’s harder for Tori than it is for Dan, bc she was there when their mom died

Tori is afraid to let go of Diana’s hand or lose sight of her bc she’s so afraid Diana might just disappear, revealing that this was indeed some weird dream or hallucination

they settle into the front room of the big house and talk to Chiron abt this whole situation

he knows as much as Diana, which is not much and the gods sure as hell aren’t saying anything

when Chiron brings up the fact that they could just be summer campers, Tori hesitates and Diana notices

Dan looks away, annoyed but doesn’t say anything as Diana asks Tori what’s wrong

Tori blushes and looks away but doesn’t say anything

Chiron excuses himself and asks Dan to accompany him to whatever task he’s just made up. Dan goes reluctantly

Diana takes Tori’s hands into hers and says, “someone special?”

despite how much fear fills her that she’s going to blink and Diana’s going to disappear, it’s amazing how easy it is for Tori to fall back into this relationship with her mom

“his name is Luke.” Tori mumbles. “i don’t even know if he likes me back, but…well we’ve grown close you know over…well, over sh-shared pain”

Diana doesn’t meet him then bc everything is still settling, with her being Alive again and all

Diana reluctantly goes home, but promises to IM them that night and tomorrow (Apollo’s provided her with some drachmas)

Tori’s claimed that night bc Apollo got a stern talking to after Diana found out he hadn’t claimed her yet

but Tori sneaks over to the Hermes cabin that night to talk to Luke abt this whole ordeal

he’s not sure what to think, honestly, but some small part of him is afraid he’ll lose her now that her mom is back. and it’s stupid and irrational, but he can’t help but feel that way

but he lets Tori decide if she wants to go home until the summer (she ends up deciding to stay bc she knows smth is up with Luke)

Dan leaves for home

Diana IMs Tori any chance she can get thru those months leading up to summer

bc of his irrational fears of losing Tori, Luke confesses his love for Tori sooner, when summer begins (rather than right before he leaves for Kronos’ cruise ship)

so when Diana visits to drop Dan off for the summer session, Luke meets Diana

tbh, Diana’s shocked when she sees Tori holding hands with a white boy but she hides it behind a smile as Tori and Luke walk down half-blood hill, outside the barrier

Luke is nervous af but he also hides it behind a smile

Dan says goodbye to his mom before heading up the hill, not wanting to be there for the meeting

Diana and Luke shake hands

she looks at Tori and says, “oh, he’s quite handsome for a white boy”

Tori stares at her mom and Luke jumps like he’s been shocked before his entire neck and face go red

“oh, and he’s sensitive too, that’s good” (and she means it; i’m not trying to make it sound like some kind of jab to his masculinity or whatever)

when it’s revealed that Luke was the lightning thief and he goes off to kronos’ cruise ship, leaving Tori at camp, Tori goes home for that winter

of course she tells Diana everything and Diana just wants to tell her that he’s trouble and Tori shouldn’t be with him anymore

but Diana can also see how heart-broken she is and doesn’t want to make it worse

until Tori decides she’s going to go find him and convince him to come back to camp that next summer

“you can’t save those who don’t want to be saved”

“you don’t know that he doesn’t! i have to at least try! i owe him that much”

Diana can tell how much Tori loves Luke, and she’d hate to take such a thing away from her, but Diana’s scared that Luke is going to get Tori hurt, right after they got each other back

she wants to tell Tori that sometimes love is just like that

she loved Apollo, still does, but had to let him go bc he’s a god

they have a bit of a falling out right before Tori goes to find Luke bc of this

Diana tries IM-ing Tori while she’s on the cruise ship but they aren’t going thru and Diana starts to worry

she contacts camp but Tantalus and Mr. D are no help; the only thing she can do is talk to Dan

she feels utterly helpless so she starts praying to Apollo; she’s not sure what good it will do, but she does it anyway bc all she wants is for her children to be safe

Tori IMs Diana when she decides that she can’t stay on the ship, and that maybe Luke doesn’t want to be saved after all

she’s sobbing as she tells her mom this, and although Diana is relieved to hear that Tori’s coming back, she comforts her daughter and avoids any “i told you so’s”

but then Tori is stabbed by Kelli

Diana finds out bc Tori IMs her the night that Luke trades his life for Tori’s

when Diana learns this, the cold realization dawns on her that this isn’t some summer fling that she’s seen all her friends have before

it’s not even akin to what she and Apollo share

Tori and Luke’s love for each other goes far deeper and is the type of love that can’t be expressed with words

and when she realizes this, dread fills her entire body and she feels the most helpless since this whole ordeal began

Apollo’s told her abt loves like those in greek mythology; during their late-night talks when they were together

but she never imagined one of her own children would have found smth like that; it’s almost cruel bc greek myths rarely had happy endings and she’s afraid that smth may happen to her daughter

she can’t sleep for days afterward, IM-ing Tori as much as possible just to see her tho she doesn’t know what to say

Diana knows now that there’s no convincing her daughter to come back home or to give up on Luke

she continues to pray to Apollo

one day, tired of feeling helpless she IMs Luke and to her surprise he answers

she’s angry as soon as she sees him, but she doesn’t precisely know why bc he saved her daughter’s life–his love is strong for Tori and that should mean smth to Diana, but it only makes her angrier

tears fill her eyes as she spits out, “you swear on the styx you will protect my daughter, no matter what, do you understand? you are not to let any harm come to her”

and bc he loves Tori, Luke swears

she hates him after that point, but she loves her daughter more

and as long as Luke keeps his promise, then there isn’t much else Diana can do

Tori makes sure not to tell Diana any details abt what goes on as the war ramps up

some small part of Diana wonders how Tori could love someone such as Luke

but she also wonders if she could ever fall in love like that and with someone like Luke--can she really blame Tori?

Tori goes home after the summer that tbol takes place and Diana is there with open arms, esp bc Tori is devastated that she’s lost Luke

some part of Diana feels like its her fault bc she made Luke swear on the styx to protect Tori

but another part knows that Luke would have with or without her prompting; she’d done it bc it was the only thing she felt she could control at the time

Diana avoids talking abt Luke too much, just lets Tori vent as much as she needs

being home allows Tori a much-needed break, and Diana tries to encourage Tori to find the strength to keep fighting (heavily implying Tori needs to find the strength to move on from Luke)

Diana tries to stop Tori from going back to camp that next year bc a war is coming, but Tori feels she’s responsible for letting it get that far and Diana doesn’t argue despite being scared sick that Tori may die

she begins to pray to Apollo again bc both Tori and Dan feel obligated to help chb in some way during the war

when it’s all over and Luke dies, some part of Diana is relieved

but seeing how badly Tori takes it evokes that same anger toward Luke

Tori clearly deeply loved him but with him gone, he broke her heart and his promise

and Diana resents him for that

some small part of her wishes that Tori had never fallen in love with him in the first place

he was nothing but trouble

well, almost

bc it was clear that he made Tori happy

and Diana wishes nothing more than for her children to be happy

i hope that’s kind of what you were looking for

thanks for sending this in!! ^_^

FEED ME SEYMOUR

[oceanbreaks]

they call me an ugly white man’s whore … but HE KINDA CUTE Ok , even tho my friend said he looks like ned from horton hears a who and i can’t stop thinking about it … ANYWAYS ! tl;dr is below but a right mess , so apologies in advance . also wanted connections for ALL THREE OF MY CHARAS ! pls feel free to come and plot with me i want plots with every single one of y’all ‘cos im Greedy:tm: , alternatively , like this post and i’ll come to you !

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ paddy considine + male + he/him — have you met ethan rylance? they are a forty three year old known around town as the entangled. they’ve been in the gang life for seven years, and currently work for the savages as a medic. they are a bisexual virgo, which means they are steadfast + tender, as well as reticent + weary. annotated articles, the crunch of leaves under chelsea boots, reluctant acceptance . × tasha. twenty. she/her. est. ×

⁃ [ mconahey hey hey vc ] alright , alright , alright … this bitch never knew his father ! probably for the best, but surprise he was off in valdez up to no good, him and his dearest ma were in the city of stars ( angels ? ) LA ! his mother was an aspiring actress who never made it, but did her best to support him all the same . it made him kinda v independent , with a lot of time to himself which he spent mostly in nature b/c la has some rly nice hiking trails omg

⁃ suffers from ptsd stemming from a car accident he was in when he was like sixteen, resulting in the death of his step-dad and a rly bad stammer that he went to therapy for . 

⁃ mr. ethan was always curious abt his but his mom was adamant on telling him anything until he was eighteen . when he turned eighteen , his mom was like ye he’s in valdez i don’t talk to him but like do what u will with that info !

⁃ he takes a trip down to valdez to discover his dearest daddy is just bumming around total deadbeat… Sad  but ethan so very longing for that father figure keeps in touch, and gets to know him and for the most part rly likes him . discovers he has an alcohol abuse problem , most likely stemming from ptsd from vietnam .

⁃ anyhaps he doesn’t stay in valdez b/c he’s like nah .. not my scene lmao , but goes to school a couple states over in arizona , so he can be close to his momther and father … aw , but closer to mom cos she’s more Valid but he keeps in regular contact with his father and tries to see him at least once a year

⁃ he studies psychology and loves it , loves school , becomes a counselling psychologist specifically for those with ptsd ( but also has the right requisites for like psychiatry cos he took bio or whatever life sci requisite u need idk ) 

⁃ ok bare with me cos im not even sure on the details, but in the span of him first meeting his pops and now , dad ends up in jail ( he owed money to the savages, so did a job to pay it off which included a home invasion with several other ppl in which one person died, even tho he wasn’t the one who shot him , he took the fall cos he was pretty expendable considering he wasn’t actually part of the gang ) , ethan offers to help with costs of legal advice and his sentence is reduced to like ten years

⁃ n his dad is like hey im out ! come chill xd and ethan’s like ok !! and he comes and it turns out his dad’s been out of jail for like six months and has already amounted a debt against him so he’s doing jobs for the savages again ? and is like lol wanna help ,, , and a 35 year old ethan still vying for his father’s acceptance is like ok .. . ig

⁃ so he delivers some drugs ( his dad comes up with some bs excuse like the ppl he’s meant to deliver to will recognize him n beat him up or something ) but apparently it was the savages set up to kill his pops 1) b/c he’s a general nuisance and 2) so he wouldn’t speak out against them regarding the home invasion as he’d been trying to get outside law help to prove his innocence even tho it never amounted to anything

⁃ so instead ethan gets brutally beat up instead and nearly killedt until the assassin or whoever is like .. . im p sure the target’s meant to be older ghjfkfgh ( this wouldn’t be like assassin incompetence they were prolly just told kill the guy who shows up with the drugs xoxo ) the ptsd is NOT thriving ... 

⁃ as soon as he’s out of the hospital ethan goes stupidly all high and mighty to the savages hq being like wtf is up kyle , and they’re basically like,  if u wanna protect ur dad u gon have to stick around in valdez and mr. deadbeat dad over this is putting on the puppy eyes like pls dont let me die lol and reluctantly he’s like aight fam i got u

⁃ SO NOW HIS DAD’S JUST LIKE A 60 YEAR OLD SOD deadbeating around valdez basically trapping him and which rly shows his father’s true colours ( also did he kno that ethan cld’ve gotten killed .. maybe so ) and yet the amount of reverence ethan still holds for him is .. Crackhead level

⁃ honestly it’s been ten years and doesn’t know if the threat still stands but valdez has kinda been ingrained in him at this point and although he wants to leave he can’t bring himself to , it’s also why he doesn’t switch to the cobras even though he has plenty reason to  - feeling like participation in the feud would only ensnare him more

CONNECTIONS

crack open a cold one : he loves beer okay .. let him crack open a cold one with the boys . that’s it , that’s the connection .

person who tried to assassinate him : he probably hates him ! still has nightmares about that night , so thanks for that ! wld be a rly cool connection to take up , and just wanna emphasize that whoever higher up probably just told the assassin to kill the person who showed up with the drugs so /technically/ it’s not their fault, but it is THEIR FAULT that they’re a frikken murderer ! all my charas a cowards , we been knew .

person who killed someone in the home invasion thingy resulting in his father going to jail : ethan probably hates this person too ! he has a lot of hate to go around .

hook-up : he’s 45 , not dead … though he’s not the biggest age gap stan , again , he’s a COWARD .

ex from before valdez : he probably lost contact with everyone when he came to valdez , sad , idk how this one would work honestly, but if they’re not from valdez hmu we can figure something out and hc !

ex in general : can healthy relationships exist in valdez ? exactly . someone who tries to convert him to cobra-hood omg : i mean he has a lot of reason to but just never bit the bullet idk !

therapy, bitch ! : come talk to him , let him counsel u uwu , need an unbiased ear ? he’s ur man !

FRANCES !

law clerk or crooked cop : this is kinda integral to her plot, basically the person who made sure she didn’t go to jail when she accidentally killed her father , i feel like frances would feel super indebted to them , but also hold the slightest bit of resentment towards them because she feels as though she deserves to go to jail .

college friend : if there are any students in this hizzy house , hmu ! someone she partied with in the brief time she was in college , and then also someone who introduced her to the clubs . can be the same person or someone else , but also someone she loves dancing with . also someone she can be a nerd with and like rent out a space or come to the club when it’s not open and learn dumb dance routines like the one from riverdale dhjfgf , I JUST REALLY WANT HER TO LEARN THE DANCE OK !

friend who comes over to dinner : listen her grandma worries abt her a lot ok and is always like do u even have friends lmao, so GIMME SOMEONE who comes over to dinner and says yes when gma offers a second serving and quells her grandma’s worries about frances .

BOBBY !

childhood friends : okay consider this, listen to sticks ’n’ stones by jamie t , and give me a friendship based on that ? basically kids who just got into a bunch of shit together ,  mostly this iconic lyric : and rushed back to your momma’s flat , it’s the only place but home i feel relaxed enough to crap , i know it sounds crude , but there’s something to that . since bobby was basically jesus of suburbia , it’d be cool if the friend was probably like had some connection to the trouble ja feel .

fellow movie buff : god this’d be so pretentious i hate it already, but gimme someone who also nuts over old film , and criticizes blockbusters or in opposition someone who argues for the validity of marvel movies shdfjdf - it’s jus a fun dynamic , movie night , CUDDLING , POPCORN ! getting blasted and watching requiem for a dream , then going on a bad trip because they got blasted and watched requiem for a dream fhgdf

drug dealer : a man likes his drugs , we been knew . pretty basic . but ! uk what would be cool , if the drug dealer was older / same age as him and it was the dealer who got him into the gang , uwu solidarity ! i figured they had like a brief romance , remained good friends idk , we could figure it out . but if not , just regular drug dealer . he’s like hit me with the good stuff , he’ll take anything he’s not picky , just an addict .

[strawberry-milktea]

9-18-17 pt1: Hi. I'm feeling really empty right now. I came to my faith at 11 and I grew up in church rather than in a relationship with God. I remember just jumping into this whole life style of trying to do "the basics" (church, bible, praying,) without realizing I didn't even know the "basics" about the basics if that makes sense. I definitely didn't know what I didn't know and struggled for so long as a result of thinking I knew everything I needed to. I thought faith was like superpowers...

9-18-17 pt: I thought a relationship was instant when you do in fact have to pursue that with God. I thought all the spiritual maturity, depth, strength and intimacy was instant too. I didn’t realize it’s the *opportunity* to start and build a relationship that’s instant. It’s the *potential* to grow and become spiritually mature that’s instant. I have struggled so much to take my faith into my own hands and learn for myself what my parents or church didn’t teach me. I’m grateful but this is…            9-18-17 pt3: this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. The holy spirit still kinda scares me. I grew up seeing people fall out involuntarily because of Him. When I got saved and baptized, both times I was terrified because I thought I was gonna fall out too. I STILL don’t really understand what God sounds like and it kills me. Because I hate doubt and long to be obedient and recognize His voice. No joke, I always want to think he sounds like Mufasa from the Lion king. LOL But..      9-18-17 pt4: I honestly am so confused about the spiritual nature of God. I was prophesied to awhile back and was told to lie prostrate. God told me to visualize laying before Him and he would take me to his throne room where I would taste & see that he was real. Everything in my mind was so hazy and I worried I was making it all up, recalling what others said God/His throne rm looked like. I never really saw much of anything & I’m so scared. I have no idea what went wrong that it didn’t work…     9-18-17 pt5: I honestly came on here to talk abt something totally different but ended up pouring out something else entirely. What I wanted to ask about was how to feel when believers are either living their lives unshaken by fear over the world nearly ending, or they’re so aware that they’re frantic that others aren’t frantic too. I’ve seen too many rapture debates & endtime prophesies. I just turned 23 on 9/15 & feel like I don’t even have time to get my godly life together before time is out     9-18-17 pt6: I honestly feel really nervous.  Between the sept 21st stuff with the feast of trumpets for united nations, the predictions for sept 23 with the constellations, Christians debating if the rapture is even biblical, if the mark of the beast is here or not, if its an rfid chip or not…I don’t know how to sleep at night. I took down my little collage of how I thought my life would go, trying to literally surrender to the fact that I don’t know God’s plan for me and I’m cool with that.      9-18-17 pt7: I’m still learning how to do this. I’ve been planning to go back into college in January and I’m applying to Christian colleges and looking at faith focused majors so I can be sure that I’ll  learn how to be more active for God. I’m doing everything on my own now and I’m still struggling fighting distractions and relying on discipline because I am really shy and feel like I’ve done nothing for God’s kingdom, which is embarrassing considering I have been a believer since I was a kid.    9-18-17 pt8/8: I know this was a lot, please forgive me but i am seriously freaking out. I’ve been crying & feeling hopeless over this. I’m just trying to do the right things. Get right with God. I want Him all over my life. I deleted all of my kpop & worldly music today. My flesh was screaming. I don’t know what to want anymore. God just blessed me w/ a new job & turning another year older. I still want things like marriage & a family. Still pure til marriage. Yet I’m so paranoid abt my future?  —Hi there,I want to apologize for such a late response, since you sent this so long ago.. I hope that you still follow/check back and happen to see this response.It’s definitely not uncommon to experience what you are describing about being raised in Christianity but coming to realize there is more to having a relationship with Him than simply being raised a Christian. Speaking personally, I was raised a Catholic from infancy - I made all the sacraments, went to Sunday school, and attended mass with my mom frequently. But in reality, I was just going with the motions. Once I was born again, I realized I had been spiritually dead as a Catholic. As a Catholic, I didn’t read the Bible and sinned in various ways without a second thought. I blindly followed Catholic doctrine that isn’t in agreement with Biblical scripture and I didn’t know any better because I didn’t read the Bible. Once I was born again and truly started my relationship with Christ, I left Catholicism, started studying the Word, and found a church that accurately follows what the Bible teaches. Our circumstances aren’t identical, but they are similar in the sense that we both came to a point of realizing our faith in Him is more than being raised a Christian and that the vital basics of faith/a relationship with Christ are overlooked when one mistakenly thinks being raised with the Christian label is what it means to be a Christian. But this realization isn’t something to fear. Rather, it is something to be thankful for! What I’m seeing here is you realizing that having a relationship with Christ and developing spiritual maturity is something that of course requires His intervention/drawing of us, but also requires our dedication and refusing to give up, even when we find ourselves in rough patches in life. The reason you are able to realize this is because He is helping you to realize and has opened your eyes. And this is great news!You are going to heap a substantial amount of stress on yourself if you believe that you are solely responsible for your spiritual growth. It’s great that you are taking responsibility and trying to learn things that your parents/your church didn’t teach you. And like I mentioned above, it’s definitely true that we won’t grow if we sit stagnant and don’t make effort to know Him better (e.g.: we won’t be able to learn the Word and therefore learn about Who He is if we don’t make the active effort to read it). But at the same time, please always realize you aren’t alone in this. The Lord is with you and He is responsible for our sanctification and our learning/understanding of the Word: “However, as it is written: ‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived’—the things God has prepared for those who love him—these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” - 1 Corinthians 2:9-14“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” - John 14:26When you realize that you aren’t in this alone and trust that He will guide/teach/strengthen your faith if you rely on Him, it takes a lot of the burden off of yourself.There is absolutely no reason to fear the Holy Spirit! I have heard of people saying they fall down/collapse in the presence of the Holy Spirit like you have described. However, not everyone experiences the Holy Spirit in this way. Personally speaking, that hasn’t happened to me but I do know what it is to experience His presence. And I think the best way to describe it is how the Word puts it - a peace that surpasses all understanding. The first time I experienced the Holy Spirit was during an extremely painful and frightening time in my life. It was also when I was being drawn to a true faith in and relationship with Christ/when I was newly born again. In the midst of that turmoil, I experienced an overwhelming sense of peace that made no “logical” sense. I had no reason to feel peace given the circumstances. I just felt at peace and had a general sense of “everything is going to be okay”. I didn’t understand what it was until I talked to a more mature Christian who pointed me to scripture that explained this. The point I want to drive home is, the Holy Spirit is not Someone to be fearful of. He is our Helper (also referred to as Comforter or Advocate, depending on the translation) Who brings us peace and provides us with the conviction we need to correct our behavior when we sin. Don’t allow the thought of collapsing in His presence cause you to fear or shy away from Him. That may not even be how you experience Him and say if it were, it wouldn’t be a frightening experience if it’s His presence you are experiencing.Regarding hearing God’s voice, it’s not always experienced as hearing a literal voice. I explained my experience with this in bit more detail in these asks if you want to take a look.Regarding what you mentioned about visions of the throne room, I have heard accounts of this and while I am wary/don’t automatically believe every claim of this, I don’t dismiss the idea that the Lord could allow visits to heaven/the throne room if it is His will and He has a purpose for it. But you don’t need to have one of these experiences to taste and see that He is real. I’m kind of getting the impression from your words that you feel something is wrong if you didn’t have this experience. Faith in Him and developing a relationship with Him allows us to taste and see He is real. We should never base our belief in Him on having a vision to prove it to us.. so please don’t let yourself fall into that incorrect mindset. You don’t need a vision of the throne room to have deep faith in Christ. When it comes to the end times stuff, my advice is to not allow yourself to get wrapped up in it - meaning don’t become obsessed or fixated on it. Many Christians have an unhealthy fixation on end times to the point that they ignore what scripture tells us about it (e.g.: setting dates when scripture tells we will not know the day or hour) and living in a state of panic. Instead of focusing on the amount of time left and what day it could be, what we should do is be aware of the signs taking place in this world that point to His return and be spiritually ready as if His return could be at any given moment (like Jesus instructed us to do using The Parable of the Ten Virgins). I have an end times tag that you may be interested in looking at. I also highly recommend listening to Pastor J.D. Farag if you want accurate, Bible based commentary on end times (he does weekly prophecy updates).When we fix our eyes on Christ, focus on strengthening our relationship with Him, and have our goal be for Him to sanctify us so that we become more and more like Him, there will be no reason to fear His return. Whether it’s His return or the moment of our last breath, we have no way of knowing precisely when either of those will be or which one will come first for any of us. There is no good that comes from living in a state of panic about either. If the panic comes from fearing you aren’t right with Him, then that’s when you use the time you have in the present to make yourself right with Him.. and from what you are saying, it sounds like you are taking these steps. So keep doing that! Keep desiring Him to be all over your life and to convict/guide you to remove things that don’t belong in your life. Don’t feel embarrassed over wishing you had done more work for Him at this point. I was far from a kid when I was born again. Rather, I was an adult woman. And before that point, I wasn’t doing work for His kingdom because I didn’t know Him.. has that stopped Him from using me once my eyes were opened? No! He made a way for me to do work in various ways, including this blog. I’m a shy/reserved type of person, too. But when He is guiding you to do the work, He will allow you to do work in ways that suit your personality (for me, He has allowed me to work through social media) and He will bring you into situations that force you to break out of your comfort zone and simultaneously grow spiritually while helping others (which He has also done for me). When He gives you the words and guidance, He fills you with courage to accomplish things you normally would feel are impossible for your personality type. It will happen, just trust Him and don’t give up!Regarding the future, I understand all too well the desire to want to control the way your future unfolds or to at least have some idea of what it will be like. But part of faith includes laying our future in His hands and trusting Him to unfold it according to His will, according to His timing. It’s much easier not to be paranoid and frightened when we do this. And this is something I am still learning to get stronger at myself.I hope you found this helpful and once again I apologize for taking so long to respond to this.. I hope you see this and if you have any other questions or want to continue discussing this, please let me know!

[leiaswaglando]

Sounds like your father already gave you the lecture, so I won't tread old ground.

I figured if you're posting birthday wishes for my brother, it's only natural his big brother joins in; I'd have to turn in my Big Brother license otherwise.

Happy Birthday Ludger, I'm more proud than anyone you're beginning to dip your toes into the world around you. Tell him to check his closet later tonight; I have a special replica tool for him I previously refused to make because I thought it'd be too dangerous for him to handle. He's clearly ready for it.

As for your impression of me, I would give it a 7/10. While I do talk somewhat formally around others, I do relax a little when it's towards or regarding a friend. And I'd add a few more tomato-related metaphors.

Thank you for helping collect Happy Birthday messages for Ludger, but be careful how far you take jokes next time

-- Julius

The real Julius appears! Never thought I'd see an ask from you! But yeah, DW about me getting the valuable lesson-- just the thought of my mom grabbing her staff to go kick Alvin's butt was sobering enuf. I don't think there'd be an Elympios left on the planet after my mom was done w/ him. ヾ(。＞＜)シ

Still, I'm glad my impression of you got a passing grade! Guess I thought since it was serious, you'd be 100% objective and sound like Jude whenever he nags me about deadlines and all that stuff on his do-gooder checklist. Dunno if I'll ever need to impersonate you again, but if I do, there'll be 100% more tomato references in your honor! Specifically Rieze Maxian tomatoes (Ludger told me they're your favorite)!

I'll be sure to tell him abt the gift in his closet when we get back from his birthday day out! We already made dinner reservations for a party of 3, so you better be there tonight! Ludger says you always swear to eat 1000 needles if you lie, and we'll buy that many needles on the way back if we gotta! (`皿´＃) Just be sure to also say when to come back; I can only stall for so long before Ludger thinks "Why can't we just celebrate at home?"

[acrimsonphoenix]

Damn right.

So, this is a lot of fluff and fun. It's kind of building on the backstory I established in my previous two fics "Moving On" and "Pillow Talk", but I'm not really considering this fic here part of that universe - even though you can read it that way, of course. :) Enjoy!

(I really, really tried to keep both Frank and Karen in character despite the fluffiness, hope it worked)

You can also find this fic on AO3. 

Frank noticed it the first time when he was in the shower.

It was around 7 am, he’d just come back from his morning run and the rising sun was streaming in through the blinds of the bathroom window, creating a striped pattern on the tiles and his body.

There it was, on the inner side of his lower left arm, in hasty handwriting that was definitely not his own.

“pick up milk!!!”

Frank almost dropped the bar of soap he was holding and stumbled back. His forearm had been bare for almost 2 and a half years now, the last message he ever received from Maria still burnt into his memories. “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I miss you so much!” spelled out in her perfectly neat handwriting that he’d watched develop since he’d been a kid, and which had actually made him grin from ear to ear like a fool when he’d recognized it on the piece of paper on which Maria had written down her number when they met that very first time in the park. The ability to talk to her through writing had been invaluable during his deployments and had kept him sane many times.

He brought his arm closer to his face to inspect the writing. It was definitely not Maria’s; it consisted of scrawling, printed letters, whereas Maria’s handwriting had almost been cursive.

Frank carefully ran a thumb over the writing. Just like with Maria’s writing at the time, it didn’t smudge. He scrunched his eyes closed and opened them again, but the writing was still there. Frank wiped his right hand across his face, placed the soap in his left hand back in its tray, and quickly rinsed himself off. Then he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his middle.

The mirror above the small sink had fogged up and so he wiped it with the palm of his hand, staring at his own reflection for a few seconds before looking back at his arm.

He had no idea what was going on.

Karen cursed for the umpteenth time this morning. It had not been a good start. First, she had difficulty getting out of bed, then, the water in her shower wouldn’t heat up properly but currently worked perfectly for Frank, she discovered a hole in her favorite blouse, and finally, she realized that she’d forgotten to pick up milk for her morning coffee for the third day in a row.

To make sure that’d she’d think about picking up some milk on the way home this time, she grabbed a pen and wrote herself a note on the inner side of her left arm. It was an unusual habit to have. Most people used their inner arm to communicate with their soulmate, starting around the age of 12 or 13.

Back then, Karen, too, had excitedly started scribbling countless messages to her soulmate, from “Hello! How are you? I’m your soulmate.” to “Just so you know, I really like the movie ‘Bring it On.’” However, she’d never, not once, gotten a reply. When she researched why that could be, she found a lot of potential reasons, but nothing definite. Some experts said it was because her soulmate wasn’t born yet (which Karen found really gross, she didn’t want to feel like she could be her soulmate’s mother!), some said it was because her soulmate wasn’t ready for a relationship yet (stupid reasoning, in Karen’s opinion; a lot of soulmates that had found each other at a young age didn’t start a relationship right away and still could communicate with each other), and again others said it was because her soulmate had died or because she simply didn’t have one (Karen didn’t know which of those two was worse).

Her dad had comforted her, telling her that she should give it time, that he was sure someone was out there that God had chosen for her, and that there was nothing wrong with her whatsoever. After his death, her new stepfather Jeb had of course said the exact opposite; that it was a sign that she was a sinner, that something was wrong with her, and that it was God’s way of saying that she did not deserve a loving husband, lest she try her best to become a good, God-honoring woman. Her mom just told her not to worry and to trust in God, but Kevin, the hopeless romantic, had always said that it must mean that she was special and that with or without the writing, he knew she would find someone who’d love her truly and forever.

That had been two weeks before his deadly car accident. While he had been writing with his soulmate, the two of them hadn’t met until that point, and to this day, Karen’s heart broke for her brother’s mate who had no idea what happened, except for a completely empty arm since that day.

To avoid getting bullied by the other girls at school for not writing with her soulmate yet (they could be merciless about that), and in hopes that she might still get a reply at some point, Karen had taken to writing random thoughts on her arm – quotes, new cool words she’d learned, things she wanted to look up, and simple reminders. The other girls saw that there was writing on her arm, but didn’t look to closely as it would have been considered rude, and left her alone; and so with time, Karen’s inner arm had been a reflection of whatever was going on in her head.

She hadn’t really used her arm that way since she’d gotten to New York, and she hadn’t received any (literal) word from her soulmate either, so Karen had gradually resigned herself to staying alone.

Until Frank, that was. Before him, there had only been Matt, and for the briefest of moments, Karen had let herself entertain the thought that he might be her mate – the one who hadn’t written to her because he simply couldn’t see what she’d written to him over all those years. But then with time, she’d decided that he couldn’t be her soulmate, given how much he hurt her again and again – and how close he and Elektra were.

But with Frank, she had a different hope. She knew Maria had been his soulmate, and with her gone, Karen thought that maybe, this was somehow also meant to be – her and Frank, both broken, without their soulmates, building a life together that was not the perfect dream soulmates supposedly had, but good. Happy enough.

As a result, Karen didn’t think about it much when she wrote herself a little reminder on her inner arm and yelled a quick goodbye to Frank in the shower, until Ellison spotted it with his usual keen eye when Karen passed him a piece of paper.

“’Pick up milk, huh?’ Sometimes I wish we’d record all those things soulmates really write each other. It’s always about those great romantic poems and exchanges, but let me tell you, at the end of the day, most of it is just ‘Don’t forget to pick up the dry cleaning, dear!’” he said with a chuckle. “Although that might actually be most romantic stuff of all.”

Karen quickly withdrew her hand.

“Uh, this is not … ah,” she stuttered, not really knowing what to say without telling her boss the whole no-soulmate-sob-story.

“No need to be embarrassed.” Ellison winked at her. “You wouldn’t believe the kind of stuff I’ve seen on some people’s arms – accidentally of course – that made me blush from just reading it.”

Karen just gave him a weak laugh.

“Tell Pete that I said hello, and that I still cannot wait to meet him in person,” Ellison said as he finally left.

Frank. She’d completely forgotten what it would look like to him when she had something scribbled on her arm. She decided that she’d wipe the reminder off as soon as she’d left the supermarket tonight.

The writing was gone by the evening.  

Throughout the day as he was fixing up the bathroom in the house he helped renovate, Frank had glanced at the note on his arm, still without a clue as what to make of it.  

Now, on his way to Karen, the note was suddenly gone. He wasn’t sure whether he should be relieved or sad about that, but he was definitely glad that he wouldn’t have to explain to her what that writing meant when he had no idea himself.

A few days later, another note appeared. This time, he saw it the second he woke up in his own apartment.

“ask IT abt word update”

Frank rubbed his sleepy eyes. It was the same handwriting as earlier that week.

The words stayed etched on his skin all through the morning until about 11 am when they were suddenly gone again. During his lunch break, Frank found a spot to himself and did a bit of googling regarding soulmates as he wolfed down his sandwich, but he didn’t find anything relevant. Soulmate experts insisted there was only one match per person, and while there were reports of people having two or more mates, none of them seemed reliable or trustworthy enough to him. But then soulmate science had not been fully explored in the least, and there were still a million questions that even the best experts couldn’t answer.

For a second, Frank contemplated telling Karen about the writings on his arm, but he immediately got scared. He had no idea what was going on, and he didn’t want to cause any issues in their relationship before he even knew what the problem was (if there even was one). Besides, he couldn’t really imagine being with anyone else but Karen at this point, and had no interest whatsoever in tracking down a potential second soulmate.

Karen. What about her? They’d never talked about her soulmate before. He’d mentioned once that Maria had been his, and had even told her a funny story about a time when they’d tried to write the worst cuss-words they knew to each other as teens while she was at her grandparents’ place in a short-sleeved dress. But Karen had never once mentioned her soulmate to him, or any stories of writing with them.

Truth be told, the thought of her soulmate had popped into his head every now and then, but he’d always buried it just as quickly, not really wanting to confront that question. Besides, he’d reasoned that if Karen never brought the topic up herself, and since she clearly wasn’t writing with anyone, she might have lost her soulmate, too. One’s soulmate was once of the most personal topics one could talk about next to sex, but now, he felt like he’d have to ask her.

(Personal or not, he grudgingly had to admit to himself that he’d definitely been avoiding the issue far more than was healthy or reasonable given the seriousness of their relationship, anyway.)

“Can I ask you somethin’? ’s personal,” Frank therefore said as he forked up some spaghetti that evening. He and Karen were having dinner together in her apartment.

Karen threw him a bemused look.

“Of course,” she said with a smile as she took a sip of her water.

“You got a soulmate? We’ve been talking a lot ‘bout Maria but never about yours,” Frank asked, fixing her with a direct stare to hide his nervousness.

Karen’s face fell a little and she lowered her eyes towards her plate as she played with her food.

“You don’t gotta say, but I’s just wonderin’, you know?” Frank added, still bracing himself internally.

Karen shook her head and looked back at him.

“No, no it’s ok,” she said with a smile that felt forced. “I, uh, I don’t have a soulmate.”

Frank set down his fork.

“What?” he asked, confused. “You mean they died or …?”

Karen shook her head once more.

“No, never had one from the beginning. I started to write when I was around 13, but never got an answer. No-one could tell me why. For a minute I thought it might’ve been Matt – because, you know, he wouldn’t have been able to read what I wrote – but by now I’m pretty sure his was Elektra.”

Frank narrowed his eyes. “You mean, you never got a single word?”

“Nope,” Karen said, popping the p, before taking another sip of water. “Don’t worry about it. I spent a lot of time thinking about why me, how, and so on, but by now I’ve come to accept it.”

Frank made a noncommittal noise and picked up his fork again. “‘m sorry. You’d ‘ve deserved it.”

This time, Karen’s smile was genuine.

“Maybe,” she repeated. “But what would that have meant for us?” she asked.

Frank didn’t quite know what to think of what Karen told him. He didn’t think she was lying – she never lied to him – but he also hadn’t heard of a case like hers before. But then, he’d also never heard of a case like his before, either. He asked her a bunch of follow-up questions that Karen patiently answered until she finally asked “Are you trying to get rid of me or something?” with humor in her voice.

“No, ma’am, just curious,” Frank replied before cornering her against the kitchen counter where she was cleaning up the cutting board from dinner. “Not going to get rid of me, either,” he said, half-jokingly, half earnestly before capturing her lips, burying his hand in her hair and pressing his body against hers for a heated kiss.

The next day, he hung back after Curtis’ meet-up. He needed to tell someone about the mysterious writings. Today in the late morning he had noticed another set of words on his arm saying “goodbye party at 2!” which had then disappeared again at around 3 pm.

Curtis listened to Frank’s story impassively as always and had no idea of what was happening either.

“Why don’t you write back?” he asked Frank. “Ask who it is who’s writing to you.”

Frank shook his head.

“No. I’d be betraying Karen,” he said flatly.

“But you don’t even know who it is writing to you. Maybe there was a mix-up or something and you suddenly got paired with someone else’s soulmate and he or she is wondering why their soulmate is no longer replying,” Curtis offered.

Frank huffed and shifted his weight on to one leg.

“Mix-up?” he asked mockingly.

Curtis raised his shoulders. “Don’t know man, it’s not like anyone actually knows how this stuff works,” he replied as he picked up two chairs to put away.

Frank shook his head once more. “’sides, you know you can’t write names until you’ve met,” he countered.

“Normally, yes,” Curtis agreed. “But, this is clearly not a normal situation. Maybe the usual rules don’t apply.”

Later that night, Frank was sitting in his apartment, staring at his lower left arm on the table in front of him. A pen was lying next to it, and Frank was contemplating Curtis’ words. Finally, he angrily slammed the arm on the table.  He felt more and more like he was betraying Karen and he hated it. Things were going extremely well for them at the moment, they were growing closer every day, and he had even been thinking about suggesting that they move in together. Even if he didn’t actually have an active part in receiving those words on his arm, he felt like he was doing Karen wrong. She deserved so much better already, especially if she never had a soulmate herself, and now here he was, receiving the world’s most intimate form of communication from someone else. Someone he didn’t even know. Even if the content of the messages was as un-romantic and un-sexy as possible, communicating via messages on your inner arm as an adult was generally seen as the most personal and intimate you could be, a bit like kissing someone. Frank was no exception to that rule, and so he felt increasingly uncomfortable with the situation.

His bad mood remained for the rest of the week, and got even worse on Saturday evening. He was in his own apartment once again as Karen had to urgently meet a source and planned to write up the entire story afterwards. He was supposed to pick her up the next morning to drive them both to lunch at the Liebermans.

While he was lounging on his sofa in a t-shirt and reading a book, he saw the words appear out of the corner of his eye, letter by letter.

“what did the card say to the stamp?”

Frank cursed. Was this some kind of joke? Fuming, he got up and angrily pulled a hoodie over his body. He really didn’t want to see those letters, and he only hoped that they’d be gone by morning at the latest. He’d already been incredibly lucky that Karen hadn’t seen them so far.

Naturally, the words were still there the next morning, and he had to hide them underneath a long-sleeved shirt when they went for lunch at the Lieberman’s. The thought of the letters on his skin made him edgy; he had the urge to scratch them off, or to cut them off, as long as they’d be gone.

As soon as they entered the house, Leo dragged Karen off to show her the science project she’d been working on. Karen had helped Leo by downloading some scientific journal articles for her using the Bulletin’s account, and now that the project was finished, Karen was of course the first one who had to see it.

Frank tried his best to not let anyone notice his inner turmoil all throughout lunch, and happily agreed to play catch with Zach afterwards to take his mind off things. As they were playing on the front lawn, Leo came out to watch them.

Frank threw a particularly long ball that left Zach scrambling after it.

“Hey, Pete,” Leo called out to him as they were both watching Zach run. “What did the card say to the stamp?” She giggled.

Frank’s head whipped around.

“What’d you say?”

Leo giggled again. “What did the card say to the stamp? It’s a riddle!”

“How do you know that?” Frank asked her agitatedly. At the same time, Zach yelled his name from the distance.

“Gimme a second,” Frank yelled back and turned back to Leo.

“Sweetheart, this is really important, ok? Where do you know this riddle from?” he asked again, trying to keep his voice level.

“From Karen. She had it on her arm when I showed her my project earlier,” Leo replied, clearly confused at his behavior. “It was a code for a meeting she had last night.”

Zach called Frank’s name again, but he didn’t hear him. His eyes darted about wildly as his thoughts raced.

“Wha-?” he was about ask when the football hit him right on the side of his face and everything turned black.

When he came to, he was lying on his back on the front lawn, his head pounding slightly. Karen and the Liebermans were bent over him and looked down at him concernedly.

Karen reached out to cradle his face with her left hand.

“F- Pete, are you alright?” she asked with worry in her voice.

Frank cleared his throat.

“Yeah, all good,” he said gruffly. As he tried to sit up, his eyes snuck to her lower arm next to his face, but it was bare.

“I’m really sorry Frank, I didn’t mean to hit your head.” Zach’s contrite face appeared in his line of vision.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, kiddo,” Frank mumbled.

“Let’s get you inside and an ice-pack for your head,” Sarah said. David and Karen helped hoist Frank up and he leant on Karen as they made their way inside.

While Leo and Zach ran for an ice pack and some water as instructed by their mother, Karen and David helped Frank lower himself on the sofa. He really didn’t need their help, but he knew that neither of the two would take no for an answer.

He tried to find an opportunity to pull up his left sleeve to check if the writing was still there, but it was difficult while the others were still fussing around him. In the end, he just decided to risk it, and pulled up both of his sleeves to make it look less conspicuous.

His arm was empty again.

He was trying to process this information and what Leo had said earlier as Karen carefully pressed an ice-pack to his head that Zach had brought in.

His head was actually much better already, but he gladly took the respite to close his eyes and to bring his thoughts into some form of coherence.

If it was true what Leo said, then it was Karen who’d written to him, probably unknowingly. The scribbles read like small reminders for herself that she’d wiped off as soon as she’d completed them. Except for last night’s which she likely had forgotten about once she got home and got started on her story. She’d told him that she’d stayed up very late to finish it, and barely woke up in time for him to pick her up this morning. If she hadn’t had a chance to shower, Leo would have seen it. Speaking of which, Karen, too, was wearing a long-sleeved shirt today, and he remembered it covering her arms when she got into his van in the morning. Now, however, her sleeves were rolled up. Maybe she had done so in Leo’s room and washed off the riddle right after Leo had noticed it and probably asked her the answer?  

He needed more information. First of all, handwriting. It occurred to him that he’d never actually seen Karen’s handwriting. The two of them communicated primarily via WhatsApp and the like. He might have seen her handwriting in the documents she shared with him before his trial, but back then, he hadn’t actually paid any attention to it. For work, she only had one notebook that he knew of, but he’d never had any reason to look at it. The few files that they both had looked at together in the entire time they knew each other, her few notes on the margins had been in block letters. The majority of her thoughts on the files she’d scribbled into her notebook.

Secondly – could he write back? She’d said that she’d never had a single message from her soulmate. Was that because he was it, and they only recently became matched, for whatever reason?

He suddenly had the incredible urge to leave to be able to check on those two questions. Luckily, it was quite late already, and so it didn’t appear strange when Frank announced that he was fine, really, and that it was time to go. Karen insisted she drive back, though, and when they were in the van, she pressed a loving kiss to the spot on his face where the football had hit him.  The flutter in his chest at the contact just made him more eager to find out.

Back at Karen’s place, Frank noticed Karen’s notebook that was still lying on the kitchen island from the night before. When Karen went into the bedroom to change into something more comfortable, he carefully lifted the cover to peek into it.

The same scrawl like the one on his arm in the last few days.

Frank smirked and his stomach did a little flip. He had no idea what he’d done to deserve such a second chance, but he certainly wasn’t stupid enough not to grasp it with two hands.

A few minutes later, the two of them were settled on opposite ends of the couch, each of them with their own book, their legs intertwined in the middle. As was her usual habit, Karen held her book up with her left hand, while she turned the pages with her right.

Frank continued to pretend to read while he quietly picked up the pen he’d stolen from her desk and started to write on his forearm.

“So, ma’am, what did the card say to the stamp?”

He watched as her eyes suddenly jumped to the letters appearing on her lower arm just below the book she was holding and an incredulous expression spread across her face. Her gaze moved up, registering the pen he was still holding, and meeting his in shock. She dropped her book and brought her right hand in front of her mouth, still holding her left in front of her. Frank sat up, put the book and the pen in his lap and reached for her left hand with his right.

“Thought I was going insane when your scribbles suddenly appeared on my arm last week,” he said with chuckle.

Karen swallowed hard, her face caught between disbelief and happiness.

“But, how’s that even possible?” she asked, staring at her lower arm once more before taking hold of his left and examining it carefully.  

“Beats me, but I sure ain’t protesting,” Frank replied, stroking her hand with his thumb as he watched her.

Karen reached over to take the pen from where it lay in his lap, put it down underneath his words on her arm and drew a little heart.

She let out a short huff when it appeared on Frank’s arm barely a second later.

“This is … Frank – this is impossible,” she breathed as she gently traced the heart on his arm with her index finger.

“Yeah, I know,” Frank said with a small smile. “But this is definitely us.”

Karen’s eyes became moist and she pulled his head in for a fervent kiss. When they broke apart, she rested her head on his collar bone and inspected her arm once more.

Frank pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head.

“’m sorry you had to wait so long,” he said as he rested his cheek against her hair.

“It’s okay. Better now than never,” Karen replied with a wet laugh. She picked up the pen again and wrote next to the heart on her arm.

“I love you.”

Frank grinned like the sappy idiot in love that he was and found that he didn’t mind it one bit. He took the pen from her and wrote on his arm.

“And I love you, ma’am.”

The next day, Karen was just doing some research on her computer when she saw Frank’s writing appear on her arm.

“You still haven’t told me, what did the card say to the stamp?”  

Karen smiled and grabbed a pen.

“Stick with me, we’ll go places.”

Frank’s reply took only a few seconds.

“Damn right.”