#will be thinking about this moment for months and doing some good old self reflection as i am wont to do

[cat-clawz]

cant really truly hate aziraphale because i can see too much of myself in him. too much of a desperation for stability at the cost of EVERYTHING in life. Too much of a fear of the unknown, shying back to familiarity no matter how bad it is.

BUT DAMN does it also make me feel a very special rage and frustration at his response. It's like watching yourself in a mirror and realizing what the fuck is wrong with you and you're screaming "NO I KNOW HOW THIS ENDS IVE DONE IT SO MANY TIMES IT WONT MAKE YOU HAPPY" but you are powerless to change it.

[breelandwalker]

Snow Moon - February 23-24, 2024

Boots and mittens on, witches - it's time for the Snow Moon!

Snow Moon

The Snow Moon is the name given to the full moon which occurs during the month of February. Despite what certain groundhogs will tell you, February is the month that sees the highest rates of snowfall across much of North America, according to the National Weather Service, and many alternative names for the moon and the month in which it falls reflect this.

As with many full moon names, we find the roots of the Snow Moon among the indigenous peoples of North America. In this particular case, a colonist explorer noted in 1760 that the Naudowessie (Dakota) people called this month Snow Moon specifically due to the tendency for snowstorms to come during that month. Some other indigenous names for this moon and month refer to commonly-sighted animals. Some examples include Eagle Moon (Cree), Bear Moon (Ojibwe), Groundhog Moon (Algonquin), and Goose Moon (Haida). Another notable example is Hungry Moon (Cherokee), denoting the scarcity of available food in deep winter.

The Snow Moon this year is what is known as a "micromoon" - basically the opposite of a supermoon. Where a supermoon brings our beloved satellite closer to Earth, at the perigree (or zenith) of its' elliptical orbit, a micromoon is at the apogee (or nadir), placing the moon at a point comparatively farther away. The moon will be at peak illumination at 7:30am EST on February 24th, meaning the moon may appear to be full on the 23rd and the 24th, depending on where you live.

What Does It Mean For Witches?

February is a month of change and transition. Though winter still holds on, many places may be showing early signs of spring. Little buds may be coming out on the trees, certain species of birds are beginning to migrate back, and hibernating animals start to wake up and reappear.

As we begin to turn toward the end of our long winter's rest, it's a good time to think about how we prepare for oncoming change and how we care for ourselves and our practices during times of stagnation.

With the moon in apogee, we might also contemplate the concept of distance as it relates to our practices, be it keeping long-distance bonds fresh, doing things remotely either alone or as part of a larger group, or feeling distant from your craft or your deities. And yes, such things are normal and cyclical. Our inspiration and motivation wax and wane just as the moon does. If it feels like you've been far away from your craft for too long, perhaps it's time to bring it back into your orbit.

What Witchy Things Can We Do?

Gather fresh snow or icicles for moon water, or make your own moon ice by leaving a bowl of water out overnight to freeze, if the temperature drops low enough.

If it snows in your area, you can wish upon a snowball. Grab a handful of powdery snow, whisper your wish to it, and throw the whole thing up in the air to release the wish into the universe

With winter scarcity in mind, practice creating a minimalist spell as an exercise. Create a workable spell with as few components, words, movements, or ritual elements as possible. This is more of a challenge if you're used to using material components or rituals in your spellwork. Many witches cast spells with focused thought or energy work alone.

Explore the concept of self care as magic. Use your routines to create moments of rest and harmony, make a point of being kind to your body and your mind, and cultivate a more positive relationship with yourself - it's the only one guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Connect with your local biome by looking for any early signs of spring in your area. Feed the returning birds and identify the plant and animal species you see around you as they appear one by one.

Happy Snow Moon, witches! 🌕❄️

SOURCES & FURTHER READING:

Bree’s Lunar Calendar Series

Bree’s Secular Celebrations Series

Snow Moon: Full Moon in February 2024, The Old Farmer's Almanac.

Snow Moon: The Extraordinary Full Moon of February 2024, The Peculiar Brunette.

Moon Info - Full Moon Dates for 2024

Calendar-12 - 2024 Moon Phases

Everyday Moon Magic: Spells & Rituals for Abundant Living, Dorothy Morrison, Llewellyn Publications, 2004.

(If you’re enjoying my content, please feel free to drop a little something in the tip jar, check out my monthly show Hex Positive, and find my published works on Amazon or in the Willow Wings Witch Shop. 😊)

[grandpeachpersona]

It's A Man's World

Chapter 5 (Batter up)

a/n: To clarify, I do not own the rights to any pictures or names used in this story, except for Sierra Riley. All other rights and names belong to the NFL and MLB. Additionally, some characters are inspired by the game MLB The Show 24, which includes fictional characters. The title of the book is inspired by the song "It's a Man's World" by James Brown and Betty Jean Newsome, for which I also do not own the rights. All rights are held by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. and Unichappell Music, Inc. Enjoy!

If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be playing for the Atlanta Braves, I would have told you. You're lying, but here I am. After the draft, I had to fly to Florida for spring training, and then when that was over, I flew to Atlanta to sign my rookie contract, which is $380k for my first year plus a 2 million signing bonus. Then fly to Cincinnati for my first game for the season. Safe to say I've had a crazy couple of weeks. 

Oh and how fitting that Joe is throwing out the first pitch since its Reds opening day.  So it's really true what they say. It does come full circle. 

I walked out from the clubhouse into the away dugout. I noticed Joe in the batter's box swinging a bat at baseballs as they fired out the shooter and must I say he looked damn good while doing it too. 

Ok, time I come clean about something. Do I have a crush on my best friend Joe Burrow? Yes. Am I scared to tell him? Yes. Why? because if I do I'm going to make a complete fool of myself and I just do not want to risk that and possibly losing a friend.  

But friends don't text each other every day for random things or have late-night phone conversions like they used to when they were in LSU together. To sum it up over the last couple of months Joe and I have slipped back into our old ways and not that I'm complaining I just wish we were more. 

I noticed Joe had finished and might as well say hello. I walked out towards home plate catching the tail end of his conversation “I'm so proud of her…to watch her play in college I knew she was big league bound and now she's here.” I heard Joe tell my teammate Austin Riley, a third baseman. 

“There's the woman of the hour!” I hear Ja’marr call out as I make my way toward the group, my heart racing with a mix of excitement and nerves.

I shake my head, feeling a bit overwhelmed. “Stop! I'm done crying for today,” I reply, my voice tinged with a slight whine, reflecting the emotional rollercoaster I've been on.

Ja’marr looks at me with a supportive smile. “How do you feel? Are you ready for this?” he asks, his eyes filled with genuine concern. I nod slowly, trying to muster a confident expression despite my jitters. “I feel ready; I’m just trying not to overthink everything,” I admit, forcing a nervous smile.

“Sis, you’ve got this in the bag!” Ja’marr encourages, his voice steady and reassuring. “Don’t let them cloud your mind—just play your heart out, like you do every time.” His words resonate with me, pushing back the self-doubt that threatens to creep in.

“Ri, you’ve worked your ass off for this moment,” Joe chimes in, giving me a playful nudge on my shoulder. “You’re going to absolutely kill it today! And we just happen to have front-row seats to witness your brilliance.” His enthusiasm and belief in me fill me with warmth and motivation.

Nodding, I accept their words with a grateful smile, feeling a rush of confidence. “Thanks, you guys! That really helps. But now I have to ask: what the hell is this?” I say, gesturing pointedly at the Cincinnati jerseys they are both proudly wearing. They burst into laughter, clearly thinking they could charm their way out of my noticing their blatant team allegiance.

“Hey it was a gift from them but believe me I would wore yours if I could” Ja'marr gives his excuse. I turn to Joe waiting for his.

“I'm from Ohio.” he gives the most obvious answer—typical Joe.

------

Against all odds, Joe delivered a flawless pitch after the pregame festivities and the stirring national anthem. I could feel the excitement coursing through me—this was my moment, my MLB debut.

As they called my name, I heard Joe and Ja’marr erupting with cheers from their private suite through the crowd their support only boosted my confidence and set the stage for what was about to happen.

I locked in my focus, ready to face the pitcher. He glanced at the runner on first, then turned his gaze to me and wound up for the throw.

The pitch came rushing straight at me! I instinctively jumped back, narrowly avoiding it. “One ball, no strikes.” But that wasn’t a mistake; he wanted to rattle me. Too bad for him—I’m not easily shaken. 

I reset myself, gripping the bat firmly, ready for the next challenge. The pitcher checked the runner again and delivered another pitch.

This time, he made a crucial misstep—an offspeed pitch! I saw it coming, and without hesitation, I swung with all my power. The crack of the bat was electric, and I sent that ball soaring out of the park. A home run on my very first hit! 2-0, baby! Now that’s how you make an unforgettable debut. 

-------

We won only by the skin of our teeth 5-4. I had just changed out of my away uniform into some sweets and a hoodie when I heard a knock on my locker room door. 

“It's open” I shout, not feeling like walking to the door. 

The door opens and Joe pops his head in “Hey can I come in?” 

I waved my hand “Yeah come on” 

 He steps in closing the door behind him “Getting ready to head out just wanted to say you looked great out there today” he compliments. 

“Thanks, I had to show off a bit, you know. Oh! I meant to give this back to you, but everything just happened so fast,” I said, remembering his chain that he gave to me to wear on Daft Night. But I never did give it back to him. If I remember right, I was in my gym bag. Bingo pulled it right out. 

I went to hand it back to him be he stopped me “Keep it Ri” 

 “Huh?” I said making sure I heard him right. This boy is crazy.

Joe cracked a little smile “Keep it...believe me I've got plenty”  

I looked at him to make sure he wasn't joking “You sure cause this is worth more than my signing bonus” I joked nervously.

He smiled and nodded his head “Yeah I'm sure think of it as an ‘I knew you would make it’s gift”.

I smiled “Ok no take takebacks Burrow,” I said putting back in my bag. 

“What are you doing when you leave here?” Joe asked suddenly. I shrugged my shoulders. “It's still early so I'm not really tired. Might just chill back at the hotel. Why what's up?” I answered taking a seat on the bench.

He looks at me for a second then slightly shakes his head. “Some friends of mine wanted to go out to eat and all but Ja'marr had to leave soo…” 

“You want me to go in his place?” I finished the sentence for him. 

This is not anything new. I went to a lot of Joe's events as his plus one back in LSU. And he did the same thing for me. 

“Yeah but if you want to call it a day I understand” he quickly says.

I shake my head with a laugh “No I'll go with you, Joe. Plus it would be nice to get a breather before tomorrow's game” I said, opening up my suitcase. 

“Give me a few to get changed and I'll be right out”

Joe raised his eyebrows “You really could go in what you have on” he said nonchalantly 

Is this boy out of his mind? “Joe I'm not hanging out around people I don't know in a hoodie and sweatpants,” I said looking at him all upside his head.

“Yes, you can cause one where only going to Texas Roadhouse. Two you just finished a hell of a baseball game and have a right to wear this. And if someone has a problem with it then we can go and have our own dinner” he says the confidence just flows out as he says it.

My stomach should have not tightened up but I just love how protective this man is. Biting my lip not knowing what to say except “Alright let's go”

-------

Joe was walking me up to my room after that impromptu hangout session with his friends which by the way all amazing. 

“Yeah I'm definitely paying for this tomorrow,” I said feeling like I was ready to pop. 

Joe gives out a small chuckle “Yeah that makes two of us”  

I give him this funny look “You got time to burn it off, Joe. I on the other hand have to play a game tomorrow” I said pulling out my keycard for my room. “Fair point Far point,” Joe said not disagreeing with me

Stopping in front of my room “This is me” I said turning to Joe “Thanks again for inviting me” I said suddenly nervous as I looked at him and his features pretty blue eyes, dirty blonde hair so silky you could run your fingers through it and not get tangled. To some it up this boy was fine. 

His voice knocked me out of my thoughts “No thank you for coming. I owe you one for this Ri” 

Yeah, a date.

“What’d you say” I saw Joe's eyebrows raise..Did I say that out loud could have sworn I said that in my head. 

“I didn't say anything,” I said quickly shaking my head trying to avoid this conversation at all costs.

“Nah, Nah you said something. What did you say?” he asked stepping a little closer. Looking the other way with a blush on my cheeks “I said a date” I repeat my words still not looking a him. 

He stood there with the biggest smirk on his face “I still didn't hear what you said say it again and this time” he paused to gently grab my chin “Look at me” 

Soaked absolutely Soked straight through.

Unable to move I said it again looking straight dead in his eyes “A date. You owe me a date” 

Joe nodded his head and let my chin go “That's what I thought you said” he said stepping away from me. “Ok, how about this. If you get to the World Series which I know you will I'll take you on a date” he said proposing a challenge or more like a bet. “Ok and if I don’t,” I said waiting for the catch no pun intended. 

“Then I still take you on the date’

[sroloc--elbisivni]

so fun fact. as of today it has been 10 years since I made an AO3 account.

In that time, I’ve written and posted close to a million words—the count is hovering at around 960k at the moment. I had vague intentions of trying to get over that by today’s anniversary, but it wasn’t in the cards—I do have a faint hope I can swing it by the end of the year, since I’ve completed my more professional writing projects.

It’s weird and wild to think about where I was when I made this and how far I’ve come since. I was in high school, in Maine, mostly looking for a place to cross-post my DC fic from ff.net. Since then, fanfic has remained more or less my primary hobby. I’ve made a lot of friends, some of them for life, others just to share a really fun space with for a few months or a year before we went back to only seeing each other in passing, fondly. I’ve gotten SO much better at writing—and I’ve never even deleted anything, since my 13 year old self’s self indulgent OC fic never did make it off ff.net. I’ve had a really good time. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve left a presence behind me to prove I was here, I’ve been here—I was explaining to my mother once how my process of making new online friends works, and how my credentials for entry are, basically, ‘see? i’ve been here a while. i’ve invested myself in this space. you can trust that I know how to behave.’ i can’t consider myself a Fandom Old, but i’m at least Fandom Established.

I hoped to have a one shot or something ready to go, so I can leave the date marked on my profile, but that doesn’t seem likely to happen. so I’ll stick to a vaguely sappy reflective post. here’s to another ten years and a lot more words.

[thatdesklamp]

Hello, and (for the moment) ‘see you in a while’ from old desklamp.

(Quick edit now I’ve written this all out: Oh, lordie—I’ve just realised that this sounds like I’m announcing I’m giving up on IW. I’m not! I promise. This is all about how I’m trying to facilitate my writing process. IW is not being dropped: let’s get that out of the way first, lmao.)

Hello all! I’ve been doing some self-reflecting, and I’ve come up with this: I’ve struggled with writing ‘Intrinsic Warmth’ for a long time now.

Alll too often I’ve been sat with my laptop for hours having only managed to squeeze out one or two paragraphs that I don’t even like all that much anyway. I haven’t felt satisfied by writing for a long time, and so I just haven’t written anything. It’s been months since I’ve written something worth reading for IW, and I’ve been having a think as to why.

I think it comes down to two things; I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure in writing IW, and I’ve become too fixated on the instant gratification of feedback from you guys.

First: the pressure. IW has gotten bigger than I ever considered it would be, especially recently (as in, in the jjk season 2 era). The support and feedback continues to blow me away, and I’m staggered every time I stop to actually consider the magnitude of the response that IW has gotten. It’s genuinely crazy.

All that is to say: I wasn’t prepared for this!! I don’t mean that in any resentful way at all, I want to be clear. Moreso that it’s easy to feel a bit overwhelmed by it all. I know that, relative to other huge ao3 fics, IW isn’t even that huge. But I also recognise that in the ‘Gojo x reader scene’, it’s pretty up there, even if we’re just looking through a ‘filter by most kudos’-ed fic angle. There’s a been big response, and I’m just one person, lmao. But come on, I absolutely love it, and I’m so grateful that people have enjoyed the stuff I’m writing—but as more and more people have been picking it up I’ve felt a definite pressure put upon me. It’s a pressure to write well, and to write more, and to write good things more often. This isn’t to do with anything anyone’s said, don’t worry, but more as an expected consequence of IW picking up traction.

I feel more and more like a ‘popular author’, and feel like I’m doing you guys a disservice with my infrequent updates. I truly do appreciate the reassurance of ‘you can update whenever you want!’, genuinely, but I’m also an ao3 reader myself! I empathise with and understand the frustration that must be felt when I go months between updates. Writing has never come at the expense of my personal, academic or social life (hence why I’ve never tried to tie myself down with an update schedule: I’d never be able to keep to it), and I’d never want it to. I want to keep writing as it’s always been: one of my hobbies. But as IW increases in popularity, it feels like it almost *should* take priority over other things, and this has left me feeling pretty overwhelmed.

My second reason: I’ve also become a tad too dependent on feedback. When IW was in its fledgling stages, I didn’t show it to anyone at all, and was ‘writing for myself’ in the barest sense of the phrase. Only one of my irl friends has read any of it, and when I was first uploading it, when I had about 5ish comments per chapter, any feedback I was getting would always be secondary to my own. I was writing for myself, because I enjoyed writing and I enjoyed what I was writing about, and it just so happened that there were a few people who felt the same as me.

It’s very different now! And I much prefer it now—it’s every writer’s dream to have had such an overwhelmingly positive response to their writing. And now it gets to the point where I can check my emails, or look at my tumblr notifications, and there’ll always be new for me. And whilst I absolutely love this, it’s pretty addictive, checking again and again, seeing what people are saying. This positive response from others is more instantly gratifying than the slow, steady, personal enjoyment I get from writing.

It sounds silly, I know, but I’ve been writing this hunger games fic (completely spontaneous, likely never to be published), and no-one’s read it but me, and it’s reminded me how much I really do like writing. I’ve loved the process of writing it, because the only person whose opinion I’m listening to is my own.

I don’t want to discourage people from reaching out to me, leaving comments, even talking about IW, anything like that. That’s not what I mean. But this is me recognising that I should probably take a step back from the non-writing side of writing: being active on tumblr, constantly checking asks, making posts, etc. Know that whilst I may not immediately respond to you, once I get back in the swing of things over here, I will do. I just need to sort out my personal priorities a bit, I think.

Saying this, I know I haven’t been all that active recently (this has honestly been intentional: I’ve been trying to wean myself off it, lmao) but for the immediate future, I’m making that more definite: I’m going to try to revert my focus to writing. I’m going to stay off tumblr for a bit, until I’ve gotten back into the swing of writing and don’t find myself so focused on the feedback side of it all. Hopefully this’ll spark up some more genuine passion in me! Please know that if you’ve written an ao3 comment, I have read it. I don’t know when I will respond to them, but I definitely will, I just want to keep my focus on the personal side of writing for the moment.

Thank you to everyone! Again, this is just me going off the grid for a while: not a big fuckoff goodbye or anything. If this is unreasonably theatrical, blame my drama GCSE. Going off to do some writing now. See you guys!

[spectrechosts]

Self Love

This one is pretty recent. Vampire and her haunted reflection, being a lil gay for eachother through the barrier of a mirror. I don't have any followup chapters written but I think I'll write more with them at some point.

False Reflections, as far as Della is aware, are one of the sneakier forms a ghost can take.

No tossing things, no 'GET OUT' written in blood, no transparent figures- just a slight offness on the edge of your mind, gnawing at you. Movements not quite how you think they should look, eyes wide open when you blink. Little things that build over years and years until you've gone mad.

The subtleties of this performance are sadly lost on Della; who sees that she has a reflection at all, points out her fangs in the mirror, makes a rude gesture, turns the mirror around, and goes to bed with the firm resolve to deal with that later.

'Dealing with that later' then turns into 'Researching ghosts' then turns into 'Researching other apartments', because the False Reflection isn't attached to the mirror it's attached to the place and that's a whole pain in the ass that simply chucking the mirror in a dumpster wouldn't have been.

The apartment is, frankly, too good to give up. Not everyone gets to be an old money vampire, some people are using their eternally twenty-three visage to hide the ghastly truth that they are, gasp, twenty-seven, and just as fucked by the economy as every other zillennial. The rent is cheap, it's near her job, and she doesn't even know if undisclosed hauntings are valid grounds to break her lease.

So she puts a mirror in every room and embraces that she has a roommate.

~

Della gets home from work and her reflection waves at her while she takes off her shoes, a second before she waves at it.

They've made… some amount of progress, in these first few months. Communication is difficult, but they have an arrangement. Neither of them wants a priest coming around.

Her reflection doesn't try to keep the ruse going, so at the very least they're on the same page there.

She grabs herself a pack of AB- from the fridge and brews a cup of tea, then takes them both into the living room. She bites into the pack and puts down the tea, watches her reflection pick it up and drink it in the mirror as it sits on the coffee table and cools.

She doesn't know if that actually does anything for the ghost, or if it's just nice to go through the motions.

Settling on something to watch is easy enough. She scrolls through options while keeping her reflection in the corner of her eye, watching her reactions until she finds something they both want.

Now, before she starts it, she does want to talk to the ghost, which is… tricky.

The mirror, obviously, makes no sound that Della can hear. The False Reflection can hear, apparently, but it can't hear her. The TV, for example, exists in her reflected world and makes all the sounds it's expected to. She however does not, replaced by the ghost. They can only see eachother through the mirrors.

She brings out a notepad and pencil, and her reflection rolls its eyes.

"Do you mind if I try on some outfits later?" She writes, and holds the pad up to the mirror.

Her reflection writes on her own pad, holds her answer up and looks away. Della takes a moment to parse the mirrored letters.

"It's your body."

A reflection is, admittedly, rather useful to have. Nobody wants to go out with a bit of blood smeared on their lips, and it's nice to be able to see how your clothes work together. But it's weird when your reflection is in itself a person with their own stuff going on but no real… agency. She can move, Della can leave the TV on for her when the ghost feels like it, but neither of them can make her not Della's reflection.

And that's, as she said, weird, when you're trying on clothes and now the ghost is naked because you're naked. It's doubly weird when the ghost gets all… blushy, about it. Della is cool with that, her reflection can admire and blush to her heart's content, but she can't just put the ghost into that position without asking.

"You're the one that has to stand there and watch." She writes.

"Why would that be a problem?" The ghost replies, evasively.

"Are you about to 'we're both girls' me?"

"I don't know what that means. We are both girls"

Della rolls her eyes.

"FYI, I'm a lesbian."

The ghost reads that and goes pink, scribbles and tears out multiple messages from her notepad.

"I don't know what that is. Is that some modern thing?"

Della breathes slowly through her nose as she puts her thumb and finger to her temple.

"This building finished construction in 1993."

"Irrelevant."

Della sighs. Okay, fine.

"Tell you what, I'll turn the bedroom mirror around between outfits. Just in case anyone would get embarrassed."

"You don't have to do that!" Her reflection scrawls hastily.

"I won't… if you ask me not to."

Her reflection goes pink again.

"I swear it's not for creepy reasons! You're just very pretty and I was caught offguard and didn't know what to do! I can be normal!"

Della laughs.

"You're physically incapable of creeping on me, I'm the one choosing to change in front of you. Be as abnormal as you like." She writes, making a mental note to get some nice underwear to try on for her.

[charmwasjess]

So, let's say George Lucas was more self aware producing/directing the prequels and hired you to reign him in/keep him on track. How would the prequels be different?

What a fucking FUN question. :D I've been chewing over this in my inbox for a couple days.

Honestly you couldn't pay me enough to write for Star Wars, and that's not just because I'd be fired on my second day for making it so gay. I think there absolutely are problems in the prequels, but I also think no matter what films they made, it was going to be a difficult tango of trying to keep an existing fanbase happy while attracting new ones, doing the old story homage but also not just retreading stale territory, and the fact that an entire generation came up with headcanons for what the Clone Wars or young Obi-Wan or Vader was like in that era, and no matter what you do, someone was going to be disappointed.

I also have a ton of sympathy for Star Wars writers in general - I see stories like Mike Chen who wrote the Brotherhood novel having to get the book together in three months over 11 drafts or the Rebels writers working unpaid nights and weekends to try to land the story they loved decently because they weren't given enough time or money. I don't know what it's like to write or create content for Lucasfilm, but I can't help but think of Warren Fu, who created the iconic General Grievous design for Lucas, later drawing himself as Sifo-Dyas being drained of blood to create Grievous. The metaphor he chose there is, um, interesting, to say the least, and I wonder how it reflects on his time at Lucasfilm. I see these anecdotes all the time of writers and creators working incredibly hard for little money or recognition and then their passion project gets changed or sidelined by the powers that be within the franchise.

ANYWAY THAT SAID HERE'S HOW I'D FIX THE PREQUELS- I think it's really a matter of redrafting what's there because so much of it is really good and has great potential. I just rewatched the Phantom Menace, so that's on my mind. Yeah, I remember being little enough that Jar Jar Binks was funny to me - I love Ahmed Best - but having just rewatched it, Jar Jar gets a ton of screentime and that could be better balanced. AND oofa-doofa, the racist accents/stereotypes. Cut cut cut. Rework.

Otherwise, I think there's a tendency - and some of it was the popular movie tropes at the time the films were going out - to rely on Idiot Plot. OOPS, Anakin didn't mean to go to the big space battle!!! He just won the day on accident!! To a lesser degree, many other characters make it through the movie by just sort of guessing and lucking their way into it as a narrative choice. Just going by the fact that the films need to be about the good guys losing because it's a prequel for a saga with no Jedi, I'd like a little bit more agency for them. More moments of saying "yes, I want to do this" and less "wow, what the hell is going on?!"

The other big change I'd make is give Obi-Wan a much larger role in the Phantom Menace, and Padme a bigger part in both AotC and especially RotS. (Actually, she really kicks ass in TPM. That moment where she shoots through the window and the duel of the fates music swells? Ascension guns!! I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.) I think Anakin is the most sympathetic when he's seen through the eyes of characters who love him and vouch for him. And Obi-Wan is honestly barely in TPM - it's all Qui-Gon, who I love, but I could see the film being really successful through him as our perspective/focus character instead. The way that Luke Skywalker takes us with him on this adventure and shows us the story. Obi-Wan could do that very effectively. And as much as the prequels are about Anakin's fall, they're also ultimately a story of Obi-Wan's survival.

And I'd cut Count Dooku, for no reason other than I don't like how weird I got about that guy.

[jerzwriter]

New Perspective

My entry for @choicesjanuary2024 Day Two: Reflection, Resolutions, Writing a letter to future self, reflecting on aspirations for the year(s) ahead.

Book: Open Heart (Post Series) Pairing: Tobias x Casey Carrick (MC) Featuring: Jackie Varma, Bryce Lahela, SIenna Trinh, Elijah Greene Category: Fluff with a dash of angst Rating: Teen Words: 1,200 Summary: It's New Year's Eve, and the friends stop by Tobias & Casey's before heading out for the night. Once they leave, Casey struggles to say goodbye to her old life as she looks forward to the new. A/N: This story takes place on New Year's Eve 2022 (into 2023). roughly a year and a half after the end of Book 3. It's a month and a half after Tobias & Casey were married.

It was only seven thirty on New Year’s Eve, but the festive mood at Casey & Tobias’s townhome would lead most to believe midnight was moments away. Festively dressed friends bedecked in sequins and satin filled the room as their chatter and laughter filled the air. The drinks were flowing, at least for some.

“Lahela, hand that bottle of Azul back to me before I’m forced to break your hand and your surgical career.”

Bryce smirked mischievously as he toyed with the ornate blue and white bottle, pretending to drop it, which almost put Jackie into cardiac arrest.

“What the hell are you doing!” She hollered. “Don’t you dare spill that!”

Sipping a large glass of Moscato with a giggle, Sienna was amused. “Jackie, no need to worry. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of tequila at Donahue’s later.”

“Yeah, but not this tequila! Do you have any idea how much this shit costs?”

“Why do you think she came here at all,” Casey teased. “It’s strictly for the expensive booze. Free expensive booze."

“Damn right!” Jackie confirmed, to the amusement of her hosts. 

Tobias was sprawled out on an oversized chair in a slightly removed corner of the room, his new wife happily seated upon his lap. While the others looked like they could step onto the pages of Vogue, Tobias and Casey were more suited for the holiday edition of Good Housekeeping. While Casey swirled sparkling cider around in her red plastic cup, Tobias lifted his crystal tumbler and motioned Jackie’s way.

“Think you could pass that down here when you’re done?” He asked

“I’ll be done when it's empty,” she replied, playfully kissing the bottle. “I’m sorry, money bags, but you’re sitting over there all happy with the love of your life. I’ll be damned if I let you separate me from mine!”

“I’d let it go,” Elijah laughed. “I think she may go feral if you try to pry that bottle from her hands.”

“That’s OK,” Tobias shrugged. “I'd rather have a beer anyway.”

Casey downed the last of her cider just before he stood up.

“Want a refill, sweetheart?”

Casey frowned and glumly stared into her cup. “More apple juice. Yey!”

“What are you doing with that Solo cup while the rest of us have the fancy crystal, anyway?” Jackie chastised. “You need to up your game, MacTavish...uh, Carrick.”

But Casey just shrugged as she settled back into the fluffy chair. “If I’m drinking juice on New Year’s Eve, I might use a sippy cup.”

She tried to play it off as a joke, but the tone of her voice had Sienna’s brows knitting in concern. Her eyes met Tobias’s, and he offered a half-smile and an affect that let her know he had it under control. Twenty minutes later, he ushered the semi-buzzed friends out the door. They were off to a night of revelry, but the newlyweds had different plans. Stepping in from the foyer, he placed another log on the fire before heading to Casey. He wrapped his arm around her, and she snuggled into his chest, her hand clasping his old Hopkins sweatshirt.

“What’s the matter, princess?” he asked sincerely. “You haven’t been yourself tonight... wanna talk about it.”

“No,” she answered at once, then had an immediate change of heart. “Yes. I mean... no.”

“OK,” Tobias chuckled. Turning to look at her directly, he continued. "Now, I’m not giving you a choice. What’s up, baby?”

“It’s just...” she tossed her hands in exasperation, then sat back with a sigh. “It’s just that it’s New Year’s Eve, and look it me? I’m wearing sweats that I normally wouldn’t answer the door in, you’re in that ratty old sweatshirt, and I’m practically drinking a juice box.”

“Hey!” He said defensively, “You always liked this sweatshirt.”

Grateful for the levity, Casey smiled, and her mood lightened a bit.

“Forgive me. Your big ol’ pregnant wife is hormonal and moody. In other words, it’s a day that ends in -y.”

“Hey, stop talking shit about my wife,” he said, pulling her closer. “I won’t have that from anyone, not even you.”

Lovingly caressing her hair, he started to think of solutions. “Do you want to join them at Donahues?” he asked. “We’re not exactly banished.”

She shook her head no. “It’ll be packed, not exactly conducive for a pregnant chick. The roads are too dangerous tonight, and, besides, last year, there were so many amateur drunks. If I end up puking, I don’t want any competition.”

“OK, but we could pick up the mood around here if you want. I thought we were going to get dressed up. Break out the good china? Then you told me to stay in my sweats.”

“Yeah,” she groaned. “That's because I didn’t fit into the dress I bought.”  Rubbing her swollen belly, she looked up dolefully. “Our baby’s little growth spurt made it clear they wanted mommy to be comfy, not sexy, tonight.”

“Oh, well, the baby better up their game then because mommy is sexy-as-hell. Nothing they can do to change that.”

She gave a little laugh and took his hand in hers. “I’ll be fine. It’s just that life has changed so much. Last year at this time, the two of us were out painting the damn town red, and now...I don’t know.”

“Well, our little one here was a surprise,” he said while playing with the band on her ring finger. “And I’m sure you weren’t planning on being saddled down with me this soon.”

“Stop!” Casey said playfully hitting his arm. “You know I love being your wife. I love you... and I can’t wait for our baby to arrive. It’s just...” her voice trailed, “I feel like no matter what I say, I'm going to sound ungrateful, and I’m not.”

“Casey, our lives have changed a lot in a short period of time. It’s OK to miss what’s gone, but that doesn’t mean you’re unhappy with where you are. I feel that way sometimes, too.”

“You do?” She asked, annoyed.

“Yeah, I’m allowed, too.”

“I suppose, but in fairness, you got to have a lot more debaucherous New Year’s than me, old man! And besides, I’m the human incubator, not you.”

With a beguiling smile, he held her hand tighter, lovingly placing the other atop her bump. “I appreciate you being the human incubator more than you’ll ever know. So much that I’m going to let that old man comment pass, and I’m still going to spoil the shit out of you tonight.”

“You will,” she said with a genuine smile this time.

“Of course. I made your favorite steak burritos, and I even got you cannolis from Bova’s.”

The fireplace crackled, its dim light casing a romantic glow as she reached over and kissed his ear. “I was thinking there are some other ways you could spoil me, too.”

She didn’t have to see his face to know he was grinning. “Now you’re talking my language. But you still have to eat first. Want to rest here while I finish dinner?”

“Sounds good.”

With a quick hug and peck on her forehead, Tobias was off to the kitchen, and Casey had an idea. She went down the hall to the den, pulled out a sheet of paper, and began to write.

When Tobias returned with a tray of food in his hand, to his delight, he found his wife was in a completely different state of mind. He kissed her forehead with a smile.

"You look better, was it the thought of my steak burritos, or...," he wiggled his brow. "Is it thought of my burrito after that did the trick?"

"It's you," she laughed, pulling him close for a kiss. "It's you... and me. Honestly, this New Year's Eve is probably one of the best ones I'll ever have."

With a relieved breath, he kissed her once more, joy on his face when it ended.

"Well, I know it's the best one of mine," he smiled. "Because I have all I need."

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Tagging others separately.

[samthehyena]

A longwinded post about how I've been feeling frustrated and tired as a femslash author

Just crossposting my recent vent post from dreamwidth since I know that some of my togachako friends have been going through similar frustrations. So I thought that who knows maybe this could help make anyone else with similar frustrations about BNHA femslash feel a little less alone.

Lately, I've been reflecting a lot on writing femslash in the BNHA fandom. I don't know, I've just been growing more frustrated with the discrepancy between how well M/M fics do compared to F/F fics.

I’ll start out with how I ended up writing a lot of F/F fics to begin with. BNHA is probably one of the first fandoms where I initially shipped mostly M/M ships rather than mainly F/F ships. It was a little bit of a shift for me given that before I started reading/writing fics on AO3 I was a shipper in fandoms where femslash ships were more prominent than in BNHA (think She-Ra or Adventure Time featuring Bubbline).

Anyways, I entered the fandom in roughly November 2022 and I was reading a lot of the very popular longfics for BNHA for the first handful of months after I got into the fandom. One of said longfics was a quirkless Izuku in fic in which there was background Inko/Midnight but Inko died before Midnight could propose. And that moment struck a chord with the tragic yuri lover in me – and I was determine to write at least one fic in which Inko and Nemuri could be happy together without their love ending in tragedy.

Thus, my fourth fic ever (if memory serves) was a self-indulgent one shot in which Inko was a cop and Midnight was a thief. And there was a very thoughtful comment and bookmark on that fic that made me overjoyed because I could see that someone else loved Inko/Midnight as much as I did. So I did what I still often do and browsed through the bookmarks of people who bookmarked that fic (after all people who like my stuff are likely to have similar fanfic tastes to me) – and behold I found so many yummy BNHA femslash recs. That’s when I realized that there ARE BNHA femslash fics out there – I just had to work harder and know where to look.

Flash forward to the summer of 2023 (ah the good old days of olden times) and I hopped onto the togachako renaissance train after the togachako chapters dropped. After all, I’ve always been a sucker for hero/villain and stories of redemption (coughs in catradora shipper). And at first posting for togachako felt so explosively rewarding. Knowing that femslash fics typically do not get as much engagement as say M/M fics, I was so amazed and overjoyed to see my first few togachako fics get comparable reader engagement when placed beside my other fics.

Heck, my most fic with the most kudos was a togachako multi chap I started posting when there was a big boom in new togachako shippers in the following months.

But with time the tides turned. By November the togachako oneshots I was posting did not get as many comments or kudos as my first few togachako fics did. And it was a bit discouraging to see the increasing disparity between my femslash fics and other fics especially since I like writing F/F the most of all. Still, I pushed forward because I’d see the returning readers in my kudos email and I had friends to cheer me on when I was feeling discouraged.

Eventually continuous togachako server drama ended up chipping away at my resilience (to no fault of the mod team – they are wonderful). I won’t go deep into it because it’s convoluted and not necessary to make my point. I’ll just touch on the two straws that broke the camels back after months of poor behavior that the mod team I was a part of had to mediate.

One day there was a comment someone made about there “not being enough new togachako fics after chapter 428 was dropped.” And that comment made quite frustrated since in my opinion at least there was a bit of a jump in togachako fics after the epilogue chapters dropped (I highly recommend this comphet fic and this fix-it fic oneshot). Also togachako writers worked FAST there was so much new togachako angst posted after chapter 428 that helped me heal from how sad I was about the outcome. Heck, I also posted an angsty togachako fic within 48 hours after spoilers for chapter 428 dropped.

Anyways, the comment made me feel like the work femslash writers were putting in was being underappreciated. Of course I get it that it can be tricky to filter for togachako fics that are more than a background pairing – but there are fics out there. Also, sorry to be a cynic here… I don’t think it’s realistic to expect as much of a boom in togachako fics as in summer 2023 where there were a bunch of new togachako fans whereas rn the bulk of togachako fics are being written by ppl who have already been togachakos for a bit.

I know that the comment was not meant to be a personal attack by any means but as someone who is a relatively prolific togachako writer idk I felt like the work I put in was being ignored. Not that I expect ppl who ship togachako to read my stuff because seriously there are a lot of togachako writers out there more adept than I am. It just instigated me guilt-tripping myself. I tried so hard to uplift the togachako community – I love making togachako rec lists and putting togachako recs in my author’s notes. I make sure to comment on togachako fics and read togachako fics regularly even when I’m tired and am lacking the reading/commenting spoons. Because I love femslash so much and I want F/F writers to know that they are valued and appreciated and how fucking cool I think their stories are.

So I fell down a spiral of thinking that my writing wasn’t good enough, that my efforts to uplift the togachako community weren’t good enough, that I wasn’t good enough. There’s a part of me that so badly wants to be like the femslash writers I admire – to inspire, motivate and induce brainrot – but I felt like I was failing. Like all the work I was putting in was pointless. All I could see was how clunky I perceive my writing style is. How a lot of my togachako fics weren’t innovative enough and kept treading the same ground.

And I really aspire to become the kind of togachako writer that avid togachako readers might recognize and be like “Oh samthehyena? That name sounds sorta familiar”. But that whole mental spiral just left me doubtful that “breaking into the ship” is in the cards for me.

On the other hand, I feel so privileged that Dear Google has gotten a lot of traction. It is such a privilege to have such a sizable readership for a togachako-centric longfic – especially since I know a lot of fanfic readers are apprehensive about reading longfics so I am so grateful for being given a chance and all the outward support I’ve gotten. I am so happy and grateful that I have a femslash fic that’s going so well – without it I would’ve reached the extent of frustration I am feeling right now much sooner.

Yet even though I have the privilege of Dear Google’s readership, I often yearn for more engagement with the bulk of my togachako fics. Because heaven knows that I’ve written a good handful of togachako fics and my femslash works in general that didn’t get comments at all or only after many months later – and I know it’s not all about the stats. That’s not what transformative works are I supposed to be about – I know, I know it’s supposed to be about the act of creation and exploring characters we already love further. I guess it’s just tough to put sth out there and hear crickets. I feel like I’m screaming into the void at times.

Added to that I was helping to run a togachako exchange for which a lot of people hadn’t turned in their assignments on time and we weren’t able to gather enough pinch hitters together. So me and another mod were struggling to crank out a bunch of pinch hits last minute. Writing four fics for that exchange was not by choice. I was already burnt out from doing too many fandom events and writing so many fics out of a sense of obligation rather than a burst of creative energy crushed me mentally.

Ultimately, I think taking on all of those pinch hits was a moment of clarity for me. The stress of that situation left me sobbing on the floor in front of my parents and I couldn’t even tell them why I felt so overwhelmed since I only talk to my brother, friends and occasionally my sister about my fanfic stuff. That’s when I realized that I needed to take a step back from being as involved with the togachako community to the extent that I have been for the past year. Because as much as I love the ship, as much as I want to do my part to uplift the femslash community, I cannot to so at the expense of my own wellbeing. Especially because the negative online interactions had made me start to resent togachako – and I do not want to lose my passion for one of my fav ships the way I did with Shindeku last year due to people behaving badly online.

So I took a step back and narrowed down the places where I exchanged with togachako to the online nooks where I did not feel emotionally drained. And I’ve been starting to heal a little. The new NSFW togachako oneshot has been really healing in that process. Because this fic doesn’t feel like a chore to write the way those exchange pinch hits did – it’s tailored to my tastes and I feel like I’m finally breaking out of the monotony that’s been present in a lot of the togachako oneshots I posted in the last few months. It’s starting to feel more like it did when I was just getting started with writing fanfics – everything was exciting and new and I wasn’t as chained to my comfort zone yet. So writing angst and smut when I usually write crack and sfw stuff has been challenging, a little scary but also exciting. And although the fic doesn’t exactly have many readers (yet) I still feel like it has value to people other than myself. The comments that this multi chap means a lot to me because it makes me feel like I’m developing a better understanding of people who like the same things that I do. Because while I do write for myself, I share because of a desire to contribute to a sense of community.

Sometimes it helps to remind myself that my favorite things I have written tend to be my femslash fics. When it comes to reading my own writing I end up being self-critical and I have a hard time enjoying the act of reading my works because all I can see are the shortcomings. The drafting process is what brings me the most joy moreso than the act of creating stuff I’d like to read. Some notable exceptions are my HungerGames!Togachako AU and my Bachelor!Inko/Midnight AU fics. They just scratch an itch in my brain and fill a niche I yearn for in a way that I can overlook how much I cringe at my pitfalls as a writer (mostly typos – a lot of typos). And even though those specific fics didn’t get as much attention as I wish they had – didn’t get the kind of traction they would have if they were M/M fics – I still love them to bits. And my favorite things I’ve written are something that ground me. A reminder that first and foremost my writing is supposed to bring me joy.

Despite all my frustrations, I don't regret taking the leap to writing mostly femslash. I appreciate Ice especially, my beloved supporter and enabler for all things femslash. Without her I don't think I would have been brave enough to switch to mostly writing femslash no matter how passionate I've always been about WLW stories. It can feel a little lonely posting F/F especially when the reader engagement compared to my M/M fics and even a good portion of my gen fic is much more limited. So seriously Ice I love you so much. I appreciate how you're always happy to Iisten to me ramble and you make me feel like my femslash writing has value and can resonate with people even if it does not always reach as wide of a readership as I would hope. You are my number one cheerleader when it comes to my fics and I am so glad to have you in my life.

So who knows what’s next? Probably no togachako oneshots for a while from me let alone event fics (save for the one that’s already written). But I still feel passionate about the togachako multi chaps because they challenge me and have stuff that is new and exciting to me that I haven’t necessarily read/written before. I guess for the foreseeable future I’ll focus on Knee Deep In the Passenger Seat and Dear Google because I’m still fixated on the stories that can only be told in longform rather than shorter oneshots.

And mayhaps I’ll even expand to other fandoms. Descendants 4 brainrot has been festering in my brain – there are some high quality femslash ships with enemies to lovers and tragic yuri vibes and I am obsessed. Also, since the movie literally came out last month I need to get to it and crank out more femslash descendants fics :DDD (cinderella/queen of hearts only has 22 fics when I checked yesterday so it’s high time i fan the flames of this precious rarepair)

[chickpea0]

Going to be real for a sec, just thinking outloud because I know this is a safe place and I need to get thoughts out. Veeerry long! Not a vent just a brain dump. do not bother reading this unless youre really reallyyy into biographies lol this is literally 1,915 words

I'm stuck inbetween minds at the moment. I keep asking myself if regression, or dreaming, isn't really for me. I found agere and petre when I was very young, about 14; it piqued my interest because I'm a very curious person, interested in different lifestyles and ways to explore the self but I also think that because I was just coming out of childhood even though I thought my childhood had ended years before. I was just growing out of being a tween and at that stage in life, it's really startling going from childhood to seemingly adulthood overnight and it's quite natural and common for people to want to cling onto things when everything is being shaken up like that.

Intamacy with people, vulnerability and emotional closeness is always somethign I've struggled with and felt like it was just out of reach so the idea of allowing myself to be back at a stage where I was raw, authentic and less closed up was really really appealing. Plus, the idea of people understanding that and guiding me and just being around me would mean they *really* like me and they're not just there because they have to be, even though I've never had a caregiver though I have had like 2 online friendships where I could be baby around them which felt quite good but I never quite felt satisfied. probably because it was online and neither laster over 3 months. I'm practically always masking and the idea of being weird (I mean this without negative connotation) and expressive really sounded amazing. I have also always always always wanted to be apart of a community but I just never have. No clubs or hobbies that made me feel welcome growing up, no proper friend groups that made made me feel at home, I think I've been in a lot of fandom/online community spaces just because I wanted to feel apart of something though because I was never able to contribute it just felt like a one-way mirror.

So!! I find a lovely community like this! With a focus on mental health, togetherness, working through things and taking time to appriciate things, it's great! I love you guys! I can even make moodboards and little posts and I have a cg blog and a slightly bigger blog where I help boost creators on here. I have mutuals!!!!! People follow me!!! We talk on tags and comments!!! I feel like I have insider knowledge and experience because I've had a lot of oppertuinty to reflect on life and mental health and even on regression itself. But thing is I do not regress often at all. When I do it's for split seconds. When I'm really sleepy, when I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable, if I'm having a weird spacey day. I'm not sure if it's more dissociation or a sudden wave of emotion or what. I think I'm just generally an immature person some times. I haven't grown up yet, I'm only an adolescent. It's not something I want to force because forcing things like this, especially if it is dissociation, can be pretty bad for your brain. Age dreaming is a different thing though.

For me I'm between a rock and a hardplace. I do not feel like I regress organically enough to be on here nearly as much as I am. I'm so tense that I feel like I can't relax or open up enough to enjoy even age dreaming. Brainfog, sure! But it's not regression. I also do not want to edge too far and go into maladaptive nostalgia terratory. I feel, lately, like I kind of need to say goodbye and thank you to my childhood but it's over now and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I think there's such a focus- everywhere online not just here- on "how good" the old days were. People making heart wrenching nostalgia edits with slowed minecraft music and ambient noise just to rake in veiws and to pull at your own heartstrings. It's natural to seek solace and yearn for something that was so familiar and safe especially at a time where not only is daily life changing for the individual but also for society at large. But rose tinted glasses are not accurate and can be dangerous. Nostalgia should be something that makes you feel light and refreshed. When you hear a song that you haven't heard in years and go 'oh! I remeber! I remember what my brain was like back then' and smile and move on. Maybe taking inspiration from it.

But.

I feel like my nervous system is so fried that making any progess is really draining and proper healthy coping mechanisms never seem to stick. I also feel very isolated, having no irl friends at the moment and not having any purpose like education, work, volonteering, passions, whatever. These are all things I have experienced for well over a decade which is... obviously a very large chunk of my life so far. So I really do need something to fill my life with, a familer space with familiar ideals and stuff. You guys are great. You have such refreshing takes and it just feels so calm and kind here. At the end of the day despite feeling a bit repetative at this point for me, I do enjoy looking at life through this lense. This place has not changed much at all since I started my blog in 2021. It's honestly one of the most consistant things in my day to day life! God. even the streets are changing but it's nice to know I can log on here if I need some reliability.

And thing is, I don't know if it's related to my ASD or my trauma or lack of experience in the world or none of those but I just feel a few steps behind my peers. They are all acting on their life plans or getting out and being social or enjoying new relationships. And I'm perfectly fine taking things at my own pace and growing in my own way but I just don't fit in really. I genuinely feel like I'll hit my stride in my mid twenties or older. Not because I'll have more qualifications or be high up in a career, I just feel like that is when I'll really start knowing and feeling like myself. That's the age when people generally start to figure things out. Basically, I like it here because I feel like I'm in a more similar life state. my focus is on getting through the day and making my own steps. I'm fine as long as I'm growing even if I'm burnt out lmao. Healing for over a decade drains you and I feel like my mental capacity is so small at the moment because of it. Like. I can't pick up a book or a new hobby or a job whatever because ALL of my bodily, mental, spiritual, emotional energies are going into mending and stuff. I feel like a 29 year old preschooler lol. 5 o'clock shadow and a sippy cup. haha. I like it here because it's like easy mode. it's like a holiday for your brain.

I'm honestly not sure what the point I started off with was. I have sooo many thoughts swirling in my head. At the end of the day I feel so burnt out and like I said, with such a small bandwidth that I feel like even regressing or dreaming or even just thinking about it is too much. Like. I used to cope and regulate by imagining scenarios in my head, like fanfics in my brain when I needed a little comfort but now I just can't! I can't imagine myself with a dream job or in a fantasy world or kissing someone cute, I just don't have it in me. It's not like I'm super low or anything, I'm actually generally pretty stable at the moment. I think what I want right now is to not feel alone. I don't want a relationship per se, not sure if it'd be fair to start something with someone but having a nice social circle would be a big relief. I can't remember ever really... having that. I guess I'm esoteric, with a full plate. I had a nice group of friends in college for about 2 years but thats dead now, we got on each others nerves at the end. But it was nice while it lasted. Imaging having a caregiver or being one is one of the only ways I can barely scratch that itch of wanting to rely on someone. Like. It's so deep at the moment, wanting comfort and all that, that "normal" soloutions to that just don't hit hard enough. Like I could imagine having a really nice friend group but irl I would need to be in a healthy friendship for quite a while before it started fulfilling that need, so imagining someone coddling me like I am a child, like I am something to be cherished, not just valued but cherished, that hits harder. thats nicer to think about. also also also co regulation + company is something i really desire.

I feel like I am so entwined with this community, more than anything else these days. It's sort of got a grip on me. and i dont know how i feel about that. none of you guys know me. i have mutuals, nice mutuals and people who are in my notes but none of you actually know me. i think maybe this place is more of a fantasy than a reality for me. and that tells me i need to distance myself but what else do i have?

I've tried taking a break before, you might remember, it only ended up being a few months but it was nice to come back.

right thats basically it. I assume if you've made it this far, seeing as I'm not even writing to anyone I'm just emptying my brain, I assume you're a very curious person. Someone who likes to feel involved. Like meeee. If anyone has any advice or sage wisdom or anything you want to say at all, please go ahead. This post is basically a bunch of thoughts with little resolve. This isn't really something I want to bring up with my therapist because onneee, I'm embarrassed, twwwooo she has most likely no idea of what age regression this, in this context. like. the age regression they talk about in regard to mental and psychological contexts, its pretty different to all this. anyway. i have other things in therapy to talk about lol maybe one day ill bring up that i feel like a small child in certain situations but let her lead that conversation. ah so.

yeah like. yeah. hi. if this resonates, im glad you found that. yeah. yeahhh i dont know. i have a lot of stuff going on. nothing in my life is straight forward. hence the... want to simplify things. I'm really tired now, wow!

to conclude, I'm a baby not necessarily a regessor. I'm running on fumes. i have a weird relationship with agere and im very hot and cold about it. goo goo ga ga but also i want to be respected and seen as a capable adult. i need a hobby. i need to rest but blehhhhh.

Here's a puppy as a treat for reading it all

[thatstormygeek]

I'm so irritated that I'm feeling the need to stand up for Biden - a president I really do not care for - because apparently we all have the attention span of gnats.

Read some history. Please. The most likely result of running anyone other than Biden on the Dem ticket now would be to hand the election to Trump.

Oddly enough (though not really, if you think about it) it's other leftists saying this as well, while partisan Dems fall all over themselves trying to force a predictable disaster.

Democratic donors and insiders are allegedly in full blown panic mode and searching for a replacement. They’re musing about potential white saviors who can somehow come in at the last second, less than five months from the election, and magically push Democrats over the top. We’ve heard about Gavin Newsom and Gretchen Whitmer. A name that is rarely mentioned is Vice President Kamala Harris. This is after Democrats have spent the past four years doing absolutely nothing to help bolster her profile or image. How do you think all of this will go over with Black voters, especially Black women, who make up the Dem base?  Meanwhile, the New York Times Editorial Board did not ask Donald Trump to step down. Not after he was held liable for rape or fraud or defamation. Not after he was convicted on all 34 counts by a jury of his peers. Not even after he vomited lie after lie at the debate and refused to admit that he’d accept the results of the 2024 election. No one is asking him to step down or pressuring the GOP to find another candidate. Why not? This absurd double standard reflects the utter asymmetry between both parties and how they are treated by our institutions. The bar is so low that Donald Trump merely has to slither underneath it. Most Democrats, unlike the cult of MAGA, actually have fidelity to the Constitution and rule of law instead of worshiping at the altar of personality. The fact they’re even openly entertaining this debate of replacing their candidate a few months before the election is a healthy sign of internal diversity.  But the demand is also unrealistic.  I’m not excited that Joe Biden is running for President in 2024. I wasn't excited when he ran in 2020. However, I do remain excited about protecting U.S. democracy which is under a full-frontal assault from MAGA Republicans and right-wing authoritarians both here and abroad. Yes, I saw the awful, no-good, terrible debate. Yes, President Biden looked old, sounded rough, had a hoarse voice, and lost his train of thought a few times. His most embarrassing moments were when he fumbled a slam dunk question on abortion and went on a strange tangent about undocumented immigrants, and the other is when he made the gaffe that he beat Medicare. Meanwhile, Trump just lied for ninety minutes without any fact checks, decided to amp up the xenophobia, and was his usual vulgarian self.  Yes, President Biden has been a moral failure on Palestine. Currently, the extremist Netanyahu government is committing a genocide in Gaza according to most Biden voters. And, shockingly, Trump would even be worse on this issue. During the debate, not only did Trump not commit to supporting a Palestinian state he also used Palestinian as a pejorative to smear Biden. He has also promised to bring back the Muslim Ban and institute litmus tests for immigrants, turning away those immigrants who don’t “like our religion.” It remains to be seen if he was referring to white Christian nationalism or Trumpism.

[solarwynd]

https://www.tumblr.com/solarwynd/747165448884420608/i-hope-jimin-never-posts-in-the-military-costume?source=share

This fandom includes either a bunch of immensely intelligent people or straight up dumb asses who don't understand even simple normal things.

Idk what this fight and all was going on on twitter, i did saw it on my tl but i just can't into their stupidity. I thought armys were fighting with other fandoms regarding music promotions and the gun gesture and all.

When i saw the real a day ago all i thought was "wow" and i moved the heck on. The only other thing that thought was "oh they can film themselves while wearing army clothes that's good". That's because i know they're not allowed to film content while serving and can't get their voice recorded hence no military member was shown in any bangtan bomb.

Idk when people are going to get over military. see it was written that they were going to serve in the military the moment they were born as a South korean, Doens't Matter if they're BTS or what not. although i do believe the government should have taken into consideration how much BTS benefits the country and exempt them but that didn't happen and we already accepted it. I don't get this crying and throwing up everytime they see members. it's one thing you missed them it's another to always start some old discussions on tl every single time. Let those things rest bro. Do people not have common sense? Am i too old for these things? I'm 23 and idk if I'm being dramatic or it's them who's being dramatic.

I love jimin with my all heart, i treat him like he's my baby and feel protective towards him alot, he triggers the motherly instincts in me and i wouldn't want to see even a small thing hurting him, but i know he has accepted it even if it's forced. We can't keep going back to the same discourses again and again. Most of the times now days the crying on tl seems fake even. The same way armys have admitted to fake some extravagant tweets where they have literally accepted that they don't even feel those feelings they just tweet it. Those weren't regarding military of course but I'm saying some people are just doing it for the sake of it. They don't know what they're doing, don't know why they're boycotting, they want to boycott yet they're selling out all the merch like actions are just contradicting. others are following things like a ship who don't think for themselves and move in the direction majority is moving.

Idk why a video of the man dancing in his uniform be causing some guns and all kinda discourse as if all of them haven't held it during their training for the first two months. Like watch it and move bro it's NOT that hard.

“When i saw the real a day ago all i thought was "wow" and i moved the heck on. The only other thing that thought was "oh they can film themselves while wearing army clothes that's good".

Literally my same thought. I got happy because maybe that could mean jimin could promote pjm2 when the time came through a vid or something. Even though I feel like he probably wouldn’t. But anyway.

Armys have prided themselves (and BTS) on being the most conscientious fandom and group. In retrospect a lot of it was for their own gratification and lauding it over kpop fandoms out of self righteousness, but the outcomes were usually positive. Like the organizations that sprung up, the donations, raising awareness etc. So you know, fine. But just like kpop stans, the majority of armys also don’t really care about things until it starts to affect to their stanning experience or reflect on bts to the point they start feeling guilty. So some of them become obsessed with appearing morally superior, hyper analyze and need BTS to be infallible for their own piece of mind.

And some of them indeed are following the crowd mainly because they don’t want to get “canceled” for not actively being involved. Like what good is your so called activism if it’s only to keep a following on SOCMED? Being socially aware and taking initiative will never be a bad thing, but it really just looks like trying to upkeep a certain image that they made for themselves and it’s never been entirely genuine.

[thoughts-and-other-thoughts]

concept: severus snape with a child

i had a thought, what if severus snape had a child.

i can't really picture snape ever settling down with someone and starting a family in a war/canon-compliant timeline. but if he did have a child, i would imagine it being the result of a drunken one-night stand with a muggle woman. i think he would also have had to have some personal development away from the wizarding world for that event to occur.

imagine after the war, severus has sort of let himself go in a lot of aspects, it's hard to get a job and his group of friends (pureblood slytherins) have all sort of distanced themselves from severus. or are sort of leading him on that they'll get him in touch with someone to get a job or join the dark lord, as many of them have joined or allied themselves with. but they never really get back to him, and snape sort of gets the hint and distances himself too and realizes that maybe this is for the better. this isolation may lead to deeper self-reflection and getting some muggle job and getting himself by.

around this same time, i like to think that his mother, eileen, is struggling with dementia in a nursing home. his father would have already passed away during snape's school years. eileen is constantly seeing either snapes father, tobias, when he was young in snape or is in shock that her little sev is so grown up due to her strained memory which is only getting worse. i think this also would lead to a change in severus and sort of a maturing and realizing that he needs to get his life together because he's getting older and his parents are dying off.

so about for a year (he would be about 18 years old now), he works really hard, changes a lot as a person in terms of his views and values. he starts trying to find potential for life outside of the muggle world. and then one day he finally decides to go to a bar and have a good time with a few work buddies, and after a few nights out like this, one day he meets someone. he sees a pretty woman, who in my mind looks significantly different from lily (because this is my headcanon and in this his mind diverts from a lot of things associated with his school years, and lily is one of them. he also matures in the sense that he realises he has zero chance with lily and comes to terms with the fact she has married james, and perhaps with time he also lets go of his hate for james but i think that would take longer). anyways, back to the woman that snape finds really beautiful. in my mind she is a pretty korean woman names young-hee and she is a few years older than snape. snape is usually pretty introverted by this point but he is a bit drunk and with hype from his buddies he decides to approach her and asks to buy her a drink. despite expecting rejection, she allows him to and they immediately hit it off.

the two talk all night and then head to snapes apartment where they do hanky panky. and in the morning they have a pretty intimate moment and then young-hee leaves. only issue is that snape doesn't hear from her for about two months until one day he gets a knock at the door pretty early in the morning and it's young-hee. she tells him she's pregnant and that she's keeping it (mostly due to pressure from family), snape is very conflicted but almost leaves young-hee to raise the child on her own but as part of his character growth he decides he will stay and be a better father than his own (because his not very good relationship with his father). he does his best to help support young-hee and their child, with help from her side of the family as well, and it is very clear they don't approve of snape. but snape still wants to be there for them. snape is just 19 when this child is born and after a few months of raising this child, young-hee decides to talk with snape.

minor detail: child is a girl (though i do have a timeline for if it a boy, slightly different but might make a post about that too) and her name is eileen after snape's mother

in this talk she basically tells him that she has no interest in raising the child and asks his thoughts on putting the child for adoption. snape is very against it even if admits raising the child has been hard, and then young-hee drops the bomb that she wants to give up her parental rights and leave the child to him. she later moves to america with a different boyfriend.

snape is now a single father of his daughter and raising her has become very difficult. this is when a lot of his character development happens, he has to deal with things like changing diapers, making meals, cleaning, learning to have patience, taking care of a little girl in general. he has to grow because now he is responsible for a life other than his own. and when he is about 21, snapes mother dies. despite his grief, he still has to persevere and keep going and this makes him stronger than he was before. this is also right about the time the war ends and the potters die but in this special timeline i would rather have the potters alive so by some miracle they are alive but harry is still the chosen one. (i am aware that this isn't really possible but too bad it's my headcanon) and right as the war ends, jobs are easier to get in the wizarding world, so snape, seeking a better life for himself and his daughter, applies to hogwarts for it's defense against the dark arts post and a couple other places which won't really be relevant. he gets a job at hogwarts but as the potions professorr.

snape is a smart man and picks up the job pretty quickly and is a pretty good professor, still strict but not plain cruel as he is in the books. also less creepy vibes and a bit more understanding. he would still be pretty stern though. no more drawling voice and talking with his mouth half closed though, when he talks he talks like a regular person. his clothing also changes a bit and he tends to wear a wider variety of robes instead of just the dramatic billowing black robes. he instead opts for just regular suits like the other professors but in colors like black, grey, and other darker grey-tone colors. his hair would also be a bit more well-maintained, not as greasy and rough. probably cut shorter as well.

this job pretty much turns snape's life around, and now he has a stable source of income, can provide more for his daughter and can ensure her a better life. they no longer live on rent in the apartment and can instead buy a small house for the two of them. i can imagine this home because a comfortable size, about three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, a nice living room with a good amount of windows, all one story, and just generally nice and cozy. i also think snape would send eileen to muggle school till she is old enough to go to hogwarts because he values her education. life becomes very stable for the two od them.

then eileen turns 11 and she will attend hogwarts. i think that even though snape was in slytherin and his head of slytherin house, she would be a ravenclaw. i can see the sorting hat considering putting her in slytherin but she is generally a pretty creative and curious person and that outweighs any slytherin traits she has. her curious and creative nature is definitely embedded into her by snape, making her also prioritize her education and learning, and since she was raised by a professor, it's not shocking to think that she might have a thirst for knowledge. also to give an idea of her age, she is about two years older than harry potter, and the same age as the weasley twins.

she wouldnt be very close with harry during her school years either, and would know each other through quidditch. in this timeline, eileen plays quidditch. at first i think she would have just tried out because her friend, roger davies, did too. but they both ended up getting on the team and she realized how much she genuinely enjoyed the sport. in her second year she gets placed as a seeker but is replaced by cho chang the year after (cho is a year younger than her) and is then a beater. this is also how think she would become friends with cho chang, but this is my headcanon so cho chang is going be katherine chang because i like that for her and think the name katherine suits her.

snape would definitely support her in quidditch, even though it's funny that he's supporting a ravenclaw despite being head of slytherin house. his support wouldn't really be wearing ravenclaw colors or anything but more wishing her good luck, giving her feedback after games, and just other gestures like that. this is also something i want to emphasize, how snape shows his care as a father and just how different he is from canon because of all these events and how they've developed his character.

he would still be a pretty quiet at home with just eileen but not awkwardly or in a way that makes him seem cold. just more of in a calm way, they can still have conversations where they laugh and talk but they're just more calm and very understanding. they can be loud, usually more from eileen's side because she is def more extroverted than snape. snape would still listen and smile. he would definitely smile more in this timeline and even laugh. he would just generally be more happy and open because of eileen. he would also be a bit more okay with physical affection like hugs and kisses (on the cheek and forehead wtv) because of eileen (he raised a child ofc he's more open ab things). i also like to think of little cute things that probably happened when eileen was younger, like snape trying to tie eileen's hair and wtv.

also romance-wise wise i want to pair her with fred weasley because i love the "professor's daughter x the kid the professor hates" trope. and think it could be very cute and funny since i think snape would be a very protective of eileen and fred just tripping on his feet around snape after he starts dating eileen is just hilarious to me. also in this timeline, george is the one who asked angelina to the yule ball not fred, which also works better with their canonical marriage. i also have a very nice ending planned for fred and eileen heehee.

another detail: eileen is infertile and suffers with endometriosis. she has very painful periods and they've only gotten worse as she got older. (even if she got her period kind of late at like 15) sometimes it's so bad she has a hard time getting up, and literally just cries. and she also struggles with the fact she is infertile. and in my mind there are a lot of scenarios where snape really supports eileen through these things and takes care of her

and then now we can get to her meeting the potters (and remus and sirius, peter has still betrayed them) at an order meeting. this is the order meeting from the beginning of the order of the phoenix. eileen isn't allowed to be inside and hence sort of sticks with the other kids. this is where the potters will briefly meet eileen. snape wants to leave shortly after the meeting ends but gets caught up talking to some other members and eileen wants to talk to people from her school a bit and gets caught up talking to tonks. and then eileen finishes up her conversation with tonks and starts talking to harry a bit, until both harry's parents and eileen's dad, snape come over to tell them it's time to leave. snape has to talk to james a bit and they talk to eileen a bit too, just small talk. by this point though, james and severus are civil with each other, both being adults who've matured and changed. and are able to be polite and have a small chat.

minor detail: the marauders (except peter) have bumped into snape before when they were in their early 20s and have seen snape struggle with raising eileen in public and so they've all gained some sense of empathy for him, especially james since he also had harry pretty young and in that he gains some kind of respect for severus since he raised a child by himself earlier than him. and meeting eileen just multiplies that respect seeing that he's raised a good kid and has progressed in life greatly. so that at least lessens the hate from james' end.

anyways fast forward a bit, this is eileens 7th year and umbridge is around and war 2 tensions are back. when harry starts dumbledore's army i can imagine him approaching eileen due to their now established "friendship" from meeting at the order meeting. and he talks to her about this dumbledore's army idea and asks for some help with content to learn since she's very smart and tutors people, and is older so she of course knows a good deal more than him. and she is very open to this idea and agrees to help him. this is her last peaceful year though btw.

in this timeline i dont think snape would be a double agent or kill dumbledore, mostly because it wouldn't really add up with his character now. and also because of his daughter's blood status being like 75% muggle. dumbledore would just end up being killed by a different death eater (draco or a different one). snape would also leave his job and start working as just an order member due to his and eileen's being threatened multiple times while he was a professor due to his old ties from school and death eaters trying to recruit.

somewhere after eileen has graduated and become an order member and before the battle of hogwarts, eileen has to go on a mission where she loses her eye and snape almost dies but is saved by eileen. this is a big change in their character due to eileen's now realization of how real this war is and snape's new perception of eileen and her strength. there are other missions as well of course but this is just one i wanted to mention.

so now we're at the battle of hogwarts. just to make it clear, the marauders are all still alive by this point, other than peter. during the battle most of the regular casualties still happen, remus does die. fred dies. but since snape is no longer a double agent, he does not die. however, eileen does die.

post-war, snape eventually retires from teaching and lets go of his heath due to his grief and eventually dies about fifteen years later at the age of about sixty five.

anyways so that's just a whole storyline I've made up, this gives snape a redemption arc and I've added an oc.

also dni if youre going to leave hate, I'm open to discussion though.

[seldnei]

Taking stock of the writing: 2024

For any new followers: this is my annual post about my writing in the past year.  This is purely for my own mental health–the tag says “seldnei is tired of feeling like a slacker” for a reason.  Please feel free to skip.

2024 was an interesting year that feels like it lasted 2 months, and those 2 months were October and November. We had goal-changing for the kids (Z no longer wants to do theatre for a living, is considering library science, and is planning a gap year while he reassesses; Q has found that school just isn’t their thing right now and is job-hunting); the entire family has decided, between politics and hurricanes, that we’re moving out of Florida; we’re making major procedure changes at work; The Fucking Election … yeah.

But through it all, I wrote.

So, reflection and goals, here we go.

Stories/poems, etc.

“It’s Dangerous to Go Alone,” a short story monologue type deal about the contents of a shop that sells fantasy sidekicks, for FUCKIT. I am very pleased with the miniature boy band.

“The Innumerable Trunks and Thick Boughs O’erhead,” a weird little poem set in the same place as ‘The Forest Speaks of Secrets and the Dead,’ for FUCKIT. Not entirely sure how I feel about this one, but the framing poem about Mr. Brown was just going around and around in my head until I got it out on paper, so.

“The Modern Eurydice: Hecate’s Children,” also for FUCKIT. I love this one. Everything in it should be taken literally. I immortalized all our dogs, up to and including Miss Snoots.

Also wrote some TMA fanfic and had a ball doing so—I got to play a lot with structure and narrative and all that good stuff. Wrote some poetry in my notebook—I’m thinking about maybe doing a chapbook of poetry for the husband at some point.

I blogged about once a month, on average.

I did not get the podcast scripts done, nor did I write any other short fiction (see below for more on that).

Books!

I started self-publishing!

So I’m using Draft2Digital to make the files and handle distribution; so far they’ve been good! I have a hard time understanding the royalty statements? Not sure if that’s me or them, but I’ll be pulling all the reports together for taxes so we’ll see if it makes sense then.

I published a short story collection, The Stars; the Silence, and the first Teachout novel, Cobbler’s Hill.

Cool stuff: my book is in the local library, and not-local libraries have it in their e-collections! It’s in Hoopla! Someone on Goodreads gave the collection 4 stars!

I did not break triple digit sales, but I did sell more than just 3 copies to some friends, so for the first 9 months? I think that’s okay. I learned a lot.

I’m working on the sniper witch book—I think I’m going to break it into 3 novellas instead of one book with 3 wildly different tones. I made a plan to have this all done by June so that I could publish them over 6 months with an omnibus at the end of the year, but the more I consider that, the more I go Price, why are you trying to kill yourself? So that will likely be re-vamped. I would like to have the bulk of the writing and revising done by June, and have the first one, at least, out this year, but we’ll see.

In 2025, I want to do more promo for CH, possibly hire an editor for sniper witch, and enjoy this thing I’ve started doing rather than pushing myself to produce like the oligarchs want. And keep writing for FUCKIT so my short writing skills don't disappear.

Thoughts on 2024

It took me a while to really settle into the idea that the short things I’m writing are really going to be only for FUCKIT because novels take a lot of time and effort. It felt strange to realize that, even though novels have always been my goal.

I definitely had my moments this year of “Oh god, I’m a failure!” But just about every time I would get like that, there would be a story about trad publishing: AI, lack of promotion, lack of money, general crappy behavior. I am too old and too tired for that. For the first time ever I’m writing while knowing those words are going to be published, and it’s lovely. I am not too scattered to make it happen, even if my plans have changed three times since I first made them and will probably change three more as I go.

I am still not sure what it will do to my taxes, though. (Probably nothing, but a girl can hope.)

Goals for 2025

Promo for previous books

Finish sniper witch

Start outlining Teachout 2

Editor for SW?

Revise/publish vol 1 of SW?

(Some of this depends on how the whole "moving across the country" thing goes, as well.)

[aena-blue]

Manifestation - Check Your Beliefs - When Putting Yourself On The Pedestal Backfires!?

Hello everyone! This is another short post to cover a simple topic under the umbrella term manifestation to hopefully shed some light on the topic.

Today we will be talking about what I believe is to be a very important topic, and that is: to check your beliefs! You have to remember that everyone is you pushed out (EIYPO), and that everyone will reflect your beliefs. What’s great about this is that you can recognise the beliefs you have by how other people is showing up and treating you.

The reason I wanted to make this post is because I recently ran across an ‘issue’ where after I changed my self-concept (my beliefs about myself) it ended up having an unintended ‘negative’ effect on my Specific Person (SP) and I thought writing this post might help give a different perspective on this topic.

So like many of you I am currently manifesting an SP. Listening to a lot of different coaches on YouTube and reading content online, I adopted the idea of taking my SP of the so called ‘pedestal’ and placing myself on top of there. Now I am not saying this is a bad thing in itself, but it did cause something to happen that I did not account for.

So like many of you, my SP has shown up in my 3D experience in a, lets just say, less desirable way. So when I did my self-concept work, and I started seeing myself as this amazing beautiful person, worthy and deserving of all that I desire, I put myself higher and higher on that pedestal, but consequentially, I put my SP far far down below me.

Based on my previous experience with my SP, I started seeing him as someone who wasn’t worthy and deserving of me, how could he be, he had treated me badly and I was now seeing myself as this amazing person worthy of all the best. Problem is of course, that this assumption was based on how he was showing up in the past, not how I wanted him to show up now.

Have you been in this situation? Are you currently in it? By holding these thoughts, I was also holding my SP in the old version of himself. But also, he now started to reflect these beliefs to me.

In a drunken moment of honesty, my SP told me he didn’t deserve me, that I was too good for him, and he admitted to treating me poorly in the past. (And this happened a second time just a few weeks ago). On one hand, I was happy that he was recognising me as the person I believed myself to be now, but on the other, I was saddened by his confession. Of course I realise that I created that, through my own assumptions. 

It made me realise that I had not gone about changing the story in the right way, sure, I had changed my part positively, but unfortunately, I changed his part in a very negative way. He now told me I should leave him, stop wasting my time on him. He told me he would never be able to let me go, so he wanted me to walk away, to do what he could not do. It was heartbreaking.

I spent some time thinking, and meditating on what had transpired after it happened for a second time. This was after he came back after dumping me for someone else about a month ago (you can read all about that in my latest post!).

I will admit, there was a part of me that wanted him to worship me, to see me as someone above him, does that sound horrible? But I realise, I had only created another issue, and that I was keeping my SP in a story where he felt inadequate, and scared.

My original intent was of course for SP to change, to grow, to evolve, to become the version of him that is worthy of the new version of me. But in order to do that, I need to see him as that version now. For it is already done. I can no longer acknowledge the old story, the unworthy version of him based on his previous actions, (because those were of course also my creation).

I still listen to my affirmations I have created that incorporate my self-concept and the relationship I desire to experience, but I have added one new thing and that is “SP is worthy and deserving of my love”, and when I say it in my mind, I feel it, and I send him so much love.

I’ll admit, I was scared to change him to a better version of himself, because I was scared that the better version of him, would easily be able to find someone else whereas the ‘current’ (old) version of him has been struggling romantically for many years. But that is my fear and my insecurities talking. So I’m working on that. So I guess my point is, check your beliefs, check your fears, identify where the root cause, blockages and resistance lie, and then work on it.

I use a mix of affirmations, meditation and mindfulness practices to shift states, transform beliefs, and find peace and acceptance within myself. And I will accept that the best version of my SP still only loves, adores and only has eyes for me. 

I hope this post was helpful to you in some way and I wish you all the best on your manifestation journey!

I now offer email coaching on my Etsy Shop for anyone who needs help, assistance, guidance or just a cheerleader for their manifestation journey.

You can email me or use the “ask me” function for anything that might be on your mind, or on your heart. I am here for you all, always. Please note that the Ask Me’s are only open for dream interpretation, general questions or advice at this time.

Please consider supporting my intention & affirmation art business in return for my time and energy by making a purchase or sharing my shop on any of your social media, every page click helps my business grow and I appreciate all of your support.

You can get a sticker for about $2 and if you make a purchase and send me an email to let me know what you bought I will happily give you a free 3 card reading for a question of your choice or 1 free email for manifestation coaching, regardless of the cost of your purchase! 🧡

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Much love and light to you all and to the universe 💛💜

~ Lady Blue 💙

[pikahlua]

I love the way you write about this story and these characters, it's just so wonderful.

Other than your own meta, who else do you recommend? Any fanfics? What about video essays? I trust your opinions 🙇

There is no one who will agree with me 100% on everything, and no one will write or talk about something in the exact same way as another person. I'm sure you realize that.

I see eye-to-eye with @siflshonen on most everything in MHA, and I enjoy the different ways we often approach expressing similar opinions. @makeste has been on break from the manga as of late, but I vibe with her old metas.

@greenhappyseed @class1akids @transhawks write often about sections of the MHA story I am less inclined to examine as closely, and I regularly consider or even defer to their opinions in those areas (All Might-, Todoroki family-, and Hawks/LoV-focused perspectives).

On YouTube, Semblance of Sanity have the takes I agree the most with or find the most interesting. Next would be A Goodwin TV's takes. Blind Wave (reactions on their website) and K&K Anime have reactions and some discussions that I enjoy as well. I'm not really into any video essayists at the moment, though I think there is a lot of potential in the medium itself for good discussion. It's just harder to produce a video in a reasonable amount of time when writing and screenshots get the job done just as well, and most of the essayists I've seen have a more...power-scaling focus that I rarely agree with. (Yes, I have power-scaling opinions based in meta, and they're correct.)

Fanfics are a different beast. A lot of writers lean heavily on western perspectives, which I think is entirely valid to do for whatever type of story you're trying to write. For me personally, a lot of western-based tropes I often see in fanfic just don't mesh as well with canon-focused MHA stories, and many characters end up either out-of-character or at best something like their anime-only filler episode selves. Fanfic is often an avenue of self-exploration, and that means many good stories will reflect the writer's personal experiences more than anything. Those are enjoyable to read, but they don't scratch my itch for more content that explores the canon characterization even in shipping fics. And yes, I guess this is me being a half-hearted snob. There are just some things no one will bat an eye at that I will cringe reading merely because I know Japanese social mores a tiny bit better than most westerners (for example, I very much doubt canon Katsuki would ever get a tattoo, let alone Izuku). I never expect writers to know these things, but I can't help but raise an eyebrow whenever they come up.

I Want What I Don't Deserve (hi sifl, I'm plugging you again!) actually scratches the itch for me. Even in the moments where the author may be inserting their personal experiences or adding more depth to characters that isn't present in the manga, all these author additions make sense with the characters as they present in canon. I whole-heartedly recommend this story to Bakugou fans, Todoroki family fans, and even BakuDeku fans (there is a poetically tragic element to their relationship--though it is not the primary "ship" in the fic--and I think the fandom could use more of this specific take to spice up the ship). Plus Katsuki's opportunities for narration strike the perfect balance of self-deprecation, arrogance, teenage flippancy, and hilarity to keep me entertained for literal months now. (Fuck, just read everything by sifl, because their works reflect the care and craft they jam-pack into everything they write. Do it!)

I don't have many fics I'm currently reading or following. I feel like there was a period a few years ago when I really enjoyed the MHA fanfic world, but lately it's been hard to find anything that grabs me. I could probably use more recommendations myself.

This got way longer than I expected. Oops.