#wildly historical inaccurate

[pollyna]

Tom has a degree he can't use, a surname that makes people shrink in fear, a sister who's never going to let married only for money and a best friend with enough German in his accent to make people talk behind his back every step of the way.

Pete is bored, rich, with two degrees, a particular passion for blond people, fast cars, and planes. And has two best friends with a particular taste for tall, board, and strong men who can lift them both up and like to share their bed.

Ron comes in Pete's life because Carole and Nick take him to bed one night and the night after until he gets to be permanent, and Tom follows. Pete is still rich and he is still bored, Tom is still too smart for his on good and he can not still be pratice and won't his sister marry for money.

Or let me guide you all in the most historically inaccurate narrative of one Thomas Kazansky, a very bored Pete with too much money and a surname that demands respect and how a wedding is taken out of Carole's hat catching two birds with a stone. All while playing house, dating and falling in love without even realising because they're too intent to antagonise each other.

[2nd2ndalto]

here is a smol ides of march au

Leo taps Nico’s leg with the flat of his gladius. “Look sharp, di Angelo, the big boss is coming through,” he mutters. 

Nico shifts from where he’d been slumped against the wall of the Forum, pulling himself to his full (yes, really) height and tipping up his chin. It’s his least favorite time of day to be on guard; the midday sun is beating down on the stone walls and the gravel at his feet, and the damn helmet isn’t helping matters. He couldn’t find his own this morning, so he’s wearing Reyna’s, and it keeps sliding down his sweaty forehead.

Nico half-listens to the conversation as Caesar and his companions draw nearer.

“Forget not, in your speed, Antonius, to touch Calpurnia; for our elders say the barren, touched in this holy chase, shake off this sterile curse,” Caesar says, characteristically self-important. 

Leo quirks an eyebrow at Nico, and Nico tries not to laugh. 

Then, “Caesar!” someone calls. The voice is creaky, ethereal. Nico shivers. 

The general stops short, his entire entourage grinding to a halt around him. One of them knocks into Leo, then grabs Nico’s shoulder to steady himself. Nico grits his teeth. 

“Who is it in the press that calls on me?” Caesar asks, imperious. “I hear a tongue, shriller than all the music cry, ‘Caesar!’ Speak; Caesar is turned to hear.”

Nico lets out a long breath. Why use two words when two dozen will suffice? The longer this exchange takes, the longer he has to stand here, pin-straight in this stupid fucking sweaty tunic. 

“Beware the Ides of March,” croons that same spooky-sounding voice, and a tall figure draws forward. It must be a man, Nico supposes, if only from the height. The figure is robed in sky blue, head covered, his back to Leo and Nico. 

Nico’s mind wanders to the gnawing hunger in his stomach, the blisters on his sandaled feet. The heat on his armor is starting to make him feel as if he’s being slowly baked. A Nico panini, perhaps. 

“He is a dreamer!” Caesar announces suddenly, jolting Nico from his discomfort. “Let us leave him.”

Nico lets out a breath as the group in front of him begins to move once more. 

The man in blue - the soothsayer, Nico supposes, lingers. Once Caesar and the others are out of sight, he turns with a shrug. 

“They never listen.”

And his voice isn’t spooky, or ethereal. It’s light, easy. Nico blinks, surprised, taking in sparkling blue eyes, crinkled at the corners, a rueful half-smile. A spill of freckles, several blond curls peeking out around the edges of his hood. The young man appears to be right around Nico’s age. 

And he’s hot.   

Next to Nico, Leo seems to be undergoing a similar journey of revelation. He steps forward, holding out a hand and offering a toothy grin. 

“Leo Valdez. It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Soothsayer, sir.” 

Nico rolls his eyes. 

The man in blue quirks a smile and takes the proffered hand. “Will Solace.” He steps back. 

“Fucking hot out here, isn’t it?” Will Solace says. He shoves down his hood, revealing a head of tousled blond curls, shining like gold in the sunlight, the blue in his robes reflected in his eyes. Nico feels a bit like he’s been punched in the face. In a really good way. 

“Sorry, I didn’t catch your name,” Will says, fixing his grin on Nico. 

“Nico. di Angelo,” Nico manages, extending a sweaty hand. Blue eyes catch on his and linger, curious.

“You sounded… different. Before,” Nico says.

Will’s grin goes wider, a bit sly. “I’ve been trying something new.”

“So it’s all an act, then?” Nico asks, curious, because… 

“Oh no,” Will shrugs. “He really does need to beware the Ides of March. I just find folks are more receptive to prophecy if I get a bit spooky with it. You know. Really lean into the drama of it all.” Will wiggles his fingers. 

Nico nods. “Caesar does have an… aura of death. A thick possibility of it.”

“Nico,” Leo complains. But Will quirks an eyebrow, regarding Nico with more interest, a quick once-over and a half-step closer. 

“You know, I might have a prophecy for you,” he tells Nico. 

“Yeah?”

Will touches two fingers to his temple, closes his eyes, a flutter of dark blond eyelashes against freckled cheeks. “Yes. I see you, having dinner with me. Tonight.” Will’s voice has gone spooky again, but it’s edged with something warmer now.  

“Good grief,” Leo mutters. 

Nico nods. “Interesting. Do you see yourself picking me up at eight, maybe?”

“You know, I do,” Will grins “You’re good at this.”

“Maybe after dinner I can show you what else I’m good at,” Nico counters. 

Will waggles his eyebrows. “I foresee that I would enjoy that.”

They exchange details, and Will replaces his hood as he leaves, winking at Nico before turning to stroll away. 

“That was disgusting,” Leo says flatly.  

“Hey,” Nico shrugs, grinning, wondering if he can convince Jason to take his shift tomorrow morning. “There's no use fighting the power of prophecy.”

~~~~

Many thanks to @anything-thats-rock-and-roll for the quick beta & for enabling this ridiculousness

[chicago-geniza]

Oh my gd Bridgerton is really doing a "Regency-era fake dating AU" plotline...this show is SO dumb...there are Pride & Prejudice fanfictions everywhere for those with eyes to see...also there's an early 19th-century Gossip Girl? I need to read more bad romance novels I love stupid shit like this

[vonkarma2]

do you think werewolf castle would be divorced enough from history to stop the characters from being recognisable or do you reckon imad and matthew ever got called into the writers room to fact check

all the character names we know from werewolf castle have nothing to do with the historical figures, and if it’s this universe’s game of thrones parody I feel like it’s playing pretty fast and loose with the history it’s based on. there’s one character that’s blatantly the king + a couple that are similar if you squint but mostly they straight up made all of this up. very culturally insensitive

[showmink]

Do you like any other musicals too?

I do! Unfortunately I'm a fan of this theatre company, which I've pumped way too much money into ^q^

[sweetened-condensed-rage]

I feel like the writer aesthetic™️ is either like:

Academia, reads classic lit, always well dressed, pencil/pen and paper, probably writes in cursive

Or:

Same song on repeat for an hour, running off goldfish and dopamine, hasn't read anything other than fanfiction in ages, wearing the pair of cargo pants for a week

[mothric]

other people's fever dreams: nightmarish, absurd, scary

my fever dreams: inventing GameChangers clips out of thin air

[uwuspaceboy]

guys........i feel like gladiator is overrated......

[ohhgingersnaps]

47 on your Spotify wrapped? :)

Thanks for asking!! Here you go:

[toxx-apex-727]

If you do it I wanna fucking watch

You better not do it without me or even record it. Pls <3

Hey while in the castle, maybe see if you can find the team plasma musical. The script should still exist.

Early on into their 'campaign', they wrote a musical about the two brothers who first partnered with Zekrom and Reshiram. The thing was apparently bullshit, leaving out Kyurem and glossing over the war and that they killed each other, and of course the whole thing was a thinly veiled propaganda piece about the one true king and the tyranny of Pokeballs.

Nimbasa theatre threw them out as soon as they saw it, but I heard from a friend Team plasma kept the original copy. Could be worth finding, either for a laugh or to burn, depending on the feeling I guess.

if we find that script, we're getting blasted and putting on the show of a lifetime

[vidavalor]

Fraternizing

There is some historical context to the 1862 scene that I think might be of interest to quite a few of you, if it's not something you already know. It deals with the evolution in meaning of the word fraternizing.

In 1862, the word fraternizing did not have any sexual connotation whatsoever. Like the words fraternal and fraternity, fraternizing comes from the Latin fraternus, which means brotherly. It was, originally, a very specifically non-sexual word that meant to bond as brothers, either by blood or by choice.

It is from this that it developed its definition as a military term meaning to be on friendly terms with enemy soldiers. The first known use of fraternizing in that way, though, was as a then-apparently-relatively new term that was first recorded in 1897, some 35 years after the 1862 scene. Fraternizing apparently didn't really fully come into common use as a military term until during and after WW1, though, when it was used to describe actions by soldiers during the Christmas Armistice of 1914.

It isn't until after World War II that the word fraternizing developed a sexual connotation. Then, it had evolved across several Allied armies to mean to have sex with women in enemy countries. No one is entirely sure how this word that was so absolutely about brotherhood and nothing else came to refer to sex across enemy lines but the most common theory is that it began amongst the soldiers as sarcasm over the military definition of fraternizing being condemning soldiers for viewing those of the opposing armies as human. The idea is that they were probably using the same word because of the military frowning on relationships with people in enemy countries in a general way, whether that was a sexual relationship or a non-sexual one. It's off of this connotation that we get the other, modern one, where the word fraternizing is sometimes used with relationship to company policies regarding social interaction, both in a general way and with regards to sexual relationships, in workplace environments.

Anyway, the point is that, in 1862, when Crowley is asking Aziraphale for holy water in the park where they could be overheard, it causes Aziraphale to need to reply in such a way that he needs to find a word to describe his relationship with Crowley that could be overheard by people working for Heaven/Hell. Aziraphale is worried then that Heaven/Hell will find out about them. He knows that, if they get caught, they'd have a far better chance of surviving it if they could play their relationship off as sibling-like because Aziraphale thinks (and likely isn't wrong) that they are as good as dead if Heaven/Hell finds out that they're lovers.

In 1862, the fact that fraternizing only meant brotherly was why Aziraphale landed on that choice of word, even if his tone of voice doesn't quite successfully sell it.

Crowley being upset with that choice of words is because he knows that they both know that 'brotherly' is a wildly inaccurate description of their relationship. Crowley is in a low place in 1862 and other dialogue in the scene suggests that they're struggling a bit with that relationship, which is probably why Crowley is vulnerable enough to challenge that word choice in the open park. The inaccurate description is the reason for the sarcastic way Crowley uses fraternizing in his reply. He's angry because they are not brothers, they are lovers.

[youarenotthewalrus]

Reading The Song of Roland and y'know it's nice to read an Ancient, Respected Classic that's just. Trash. A jingoistic action movie. The 11th century equivalent of 300, a historical war depicted in a wildly inaccurate and propagandistic way as an excuse for buff macho warriors to face off against poorly-researched stereotypes of foreign enemies and then kill them in spectacularly violent and improbable ways. You want depth? Nuance? Timeless themes that still speak to the common human experience nearly a thousand years later? Fuck you. You'll take Charlemagne's nephew cutting a Saracen in half with his sword and you'll like it.

[transmutationisms]

i think more historical fiction films should be wildly inaccurate rpf actually. i think this would improve public discourse, as well as be funny, for watching purposes

[artsy-waffle19]

okay but can we please talk about the absolute GENIUS concept of ofmd???! it has so many contradictions in it's concept and that's something I've NEVER seen a show do before like- it's a show about pirates it has all the violence, the trauma, addiction, suicide, murder, every character is utterly fucked up and it could be this really dark, violent, action show and then they took all that and crammed it into the fucking genre ROMCOM and then they made it vaguely inspired by historical events, setting it sometime in the 1700s only to make it as wildly historically inaccurate as humanly possible with the costumes, THE LANGUAGE (the use of todays language and slang+ swearing in this is my fav parr about it and just makes it so much better to watch) and the characters ideals and views on life, then the characters being set up to be the stereotype of one thing and then being the complete opposite (especially in terms of gender roles and masculinity) like izzy being set up to be this competent first mate and best pirate in the show only for everything he does to backfire on him and in the second season being an actually really emotionally complex character, stede who could've easily made into this emotional crybaby character, getting swept off his feet by ed and not get around in the pirate world yet he's the most feral bastard known to man, who sets people on fire, not even gonna start on ed because there's just SO much about this character that could fit into an entirely new post.

It also ignores every rule of any genre or time or concept it could technically fit into and therefore is something entirely new and completely unpredictable. That's probably the funniest part about the show because every event that happens is something so entirely random and outlandish that nobody would've expected it so it hits us like a bat in the face (for example buttons just randomly turning into a bird after the show never showed any hint that magic is real in this universe and all of us just collectively went "oh yea that might as well happen, understandable have a nice day" because this show breaks every rule we thought existed)

Literally everything about this show is a work of pure genius and David Jenkins deserves literally every award known to man

[shadysadie]

Hot take: the Wittebanes were not Puritans

So since Hollow Mind came out there have been a lot of jokes about how the Belos is a crusty old Puritan. And while he is certainly crusty and old, I don’t think he was a Puritan.

I understand why everyone jumps there, when we think of Witch Hunts in Colonial America the very first thing that comes to mind is the Salem Witchcraft Trials. However, the Salem Witchcraft Trials began in 1692, that is 80 years after Masha says the Wittebros showed up in Gravesfield, and 30 years after the events of Elsewhere and Elsewhen.

If Masha’s information is correct, (which it might not be but we’ll get to that) then Caleb and Philip arrived in Gravesfield in 1613, which is closer in time to the settlement of Jamestown (1607) than the Salem Witchcraft Trials. 

The Pilgrims didn’t even land at pride rock until 1620, seven years after the Wittebros arrived in Gravesfield. The Mayflower Pilgrims were really the group responsible for creating the idea of religious charters. They specifically wanted to leave England to create their own religious society. Many other groups followed, (notably the Massachusetts Bay Colony, which later became the home of the aforementioned Salem Witchcraft Trials) but the Mayflower Pilgrims were the first group of religious extremists who came to America looking for their Zion. 

Prior to that, the motivation to settle the “New World” was mainly financial. Ships were chartered through the Virginia Company. Which as we all remember from our favorite wildly inaccurate and problematic 90s Disney movie, the Virginia Company was in it for the money. The New World had resources and Britian wanted them, damnit, Glory, God, and Gold and the Virginia Company.

That meant, if Caleb and Philip really did arrive in Gravesfield in 1613, their family likely made the trip for financial gain, not religion. If that’s the case they were less likely a member of an obscure group of religious extremists, and more likely to be either Protestant like King James and Queen Elizabeth. (They could have also been Roman Catholic, evidence for that comes later).

“But”, you say, “weren’t Puritans the ones persecuting witches at the time?”

Yes and no. 

In the Americas, Witch Hunts will forever be linked to Puritans, but in Witch Hunting long outdates the Puritans. King James himself, was a witch hunting fanatic, he personally oversaw hundreds of witchtrials. He wrote books about finding witches, and it was specifically the King James endorse translation of the Bible that features the infamous “thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” (in many prior translations the word witch is something more along the line of “sinner” or “evil doer”). By many estimates, upwards of 1500 people were executed for witchcraft as a result of his reign. If we are going with Masha’s 1613 timeline, the brothers would have left England smack dab in the middle of his reign, right after the King James Bible was published.

(^this GIF has nothing to do with the Owl House, I just love sassy Gay King James in his bird mask, look at this cocky ass bastard, you know him and Belos would have been genocide buddies)

However, I can’t pretend to be focused on some semblance of historical accuracy and take Masha’s information at face value, even in the context of the show it wouldn’t add up because according to the sign we see in Yesterday’s Lie, Gravesfield was established in 1635. 

(Granted there is a difference between a settlement and a town, it is possible that 1635 was when Gravesfield was officially acknowledged as a town and the boys just lived there pre-establishment). 

However, in the name of historical accuracy, I have to assume Masha got the date wrong, because the English didn’t even settle in Conneticut until the 1630s. The Conneticut Witch Trials began in the 1640s. By this timeline and demographic, the likelihood of Caleb and Philip being Puritans goes up by a lot. 

However, if we look at Philip’s clothes an his goals, there are still signs that don’t point to Puritanism. First look at the clothes Caleb and Philip wear as children:

Philip’s pants are red and Calebs are green. While it is a myth that Puritans could only wear black, the colors that they were allowed to incorporate into their wardrobe were typically still neutrals (dark yellows and beiges). Green would be pushing it, and red would be unbelievably bold.

Additionally, the ruffles on Philip’s shirt in the journal and Jacob’s book, would have been seen as incredibly vain.

 The blue/black coat that Caleb wore in the puppet show, and Philip later wears in Elsewhere and Elsewhen and King’s Tide has gold buttons and gold embroidery. Gold and Silver accessories of any kind would have been considered incredibly sinful and conceited. 

Which would also make it really weird for a Puritan to choose gold to represent himself. Infact his whole emperor authentic is much more reminiscent of the Catholic Pope. His own role as the messenger of the Titan’s will is also very papal in nature.

Finally there is the term he uses, “Witch Hunter General” is an illusion to “Witch Finder General” which was a rank made up and used by Protestant Matthew Hopkins and not really used by any Puritans. Such a title would also probably have seemed pretty vain.

Now you might say, “It’s a fictional story, why does any of this matter?”

The answer is: It does not, but I am high and have ADHD and this was the rabbit hole I fell down.

[seiya-starsniper]

💧

Hiiii :)

Ask Game -💧Share something romantic/hot from your WIP, or just something sweet if it's gen.

This was surprisingly difficult since all my current WIPs are in the before stage of the romance/smut 🤣🤣🤣

But hey, I managed to rework a part I was stuck on in the beginning of my audiobook narrator dream wip, so progress!

--------------------

The first romance book had been purchased on a whim. The next one was the second book in the series, and Hob tried to tell himself he was really just invested in the plot. What little plot there was. By the fourteenth book, Hob had stopped trying to kid himself. He has a thing. It’s not necessarily a weird thing. Plenty of people get off to erotic fiction, or so Hob’s been told. “Can you feel how much I want you?” Murphy’s voice growls into Hob’s noise canceling headphones. “My cock is aching to be inside you.” Hob groans, and pumps his cock harder in his hand. He's sprawled on his back in his bedroom, pants down and cock throbbing as he strokes himself to the sound of Murphy's erotic voice. Hob has been hard and aching for over an hour now. He’d started palming at his cock when the hero and herione of the romantasy novel had finally confessed their love to one another. His hand had slipped inside his boxers when Murphy’s voice had grown husky with desire.  You're so wet for me already," Murphy pants, and god, he really does sound out of breath. Murphy was truly a superb voice actor, he moaned and panted heavily in every sex scene he narrated, like the words on the page were personally affecting him. Hob had spent many embarrassing nights imagining that Murphy was whispering those words to him instead, and sometimes those fantasies carried over into his sleep in the form of wildly historically inaccurate wet dreams. Hob has no idea what Murphy looks like, the man’s professional profile had only shown a photo of a black cat. But Hob’s sleeping brain had more than enough imagination to fill in the blanks. “You’re mine,” Murphy says to his fictional lover, just as Hob comes into his hand with a whimper. “Let me ensure you never forget after tonight.”