#wife-lover VS “fuck-around-find-out” man

[pumpkinhrat]

at Circe's island

[thesungod]

ok so I took a peek into TSATS and I see what u all mean when u say its out of character 😭 like, a lot of the narrative IS relative to various characters and such, like Nico's trauma, overcoming it, other things I haven't read yet, but the way it's written, and the way the characters go about portraying it... it doesn't even feel like Rick picked up a pen and wrote it. like, obviously he did, but you just can just tell the co-author really took the lead on this one.

like -

Nico thought Mr D looked like he was about to explode from excitement, and it was honestly a complete delight.

since when the fuck does this man smile 🤨 like yes, obviously he's a fully sentient being with emotions and shit. ik he feels happiness, he just expresses it differently, and this just seems so... forced? it's less the grumpy-lovable but still an asshole Mr D we all know and kinda love, but more-so a diluted version of him? like someone comparing a stick figure to a Van Gogh piece. it just don't work 😭

‘My two favourite demigods have returned,’ he said, and he held his arms open and embraced both of them at the same time.

this man hugs??? like, his kids and wife / lovers, sure. but he's like the most demigodphobic person ever 😭 he'd be the person to let the other hug him, pat him on the bag, scowl and say "yeah-yeah" and then shove them off. like??? (at least in my brain he is)

‘Favourite?’ Will said into Mr D’s armpit. ‘I thought you didn’t even like demigods.’ (SAME 🥴)

and then he goes on to say "fuck all u, but like, u 2 least of all" so that's pretty in character for the most part, but still

like this book don't look bad by any means, it just feels... offshade. off white to white? 1st cousins. expectation v reality. a Van Gogh baby vs an actual baby (google them, they're horrifying)

but yeah, no hate to the book, it just doesn't feel like Rick even touched it, yk? and I haven't even read a single chapter. that was me skimming to see what the fuss was about 😭 and what's up with some of the books using these quotes '' instead of ""??? it's so hard to read.

anon i’m so sorry i completely forgot to get this ask out of my drafts even if it was answered!!

i hope you’re still around!!

and i 100% agree, after reading tcotg i’m convinced rick riordan didn’t- touch tsats with a ten foot pole.

i was very willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and say the book was a team effort when it came out but there’s simply no way that’s the case. my man lied. the writing style is so different and the interpersonal relationships between characters feel so off😭

don’t get me started about the humor because tcotg had its flaws but it was literally laugh-out-loud funny in some moments. had the difference been written on purpose- like, the authors wanting to characterise Nico and Will as kinda lame people- that could have been an interesting choice (i maintain my headcanon that Nico is only ever unintentionally funny), but i really doubt it was.

and why would Mr D hug and smile and coddle Nico and Will like… it’s giving self indulgent fanfiction where everyone adores the author’s favourite character. which, i mean, if you’ve ever read my Apollo fics you know that I get it, but a published book should be held to a higher standard imo!!!

tsats did not have to be a masterpiece but it was too OOC for me to enjoy.

still, i’d advise you to read it for yourself and find out!

[house-of-slayterr]

Hello Mx. Writer! It's me again:)

How do you think Maggie and Basil and even V would react to see a Riddler v.s. Victor showdown? Aka how they react to the love triangle?

Hello Anon 🥰 how are you my dear?

Oh god, ok. Victor Vs Ed would be a walking nightmare- but god would I want to watch! Also I know we’re talking our Gotham boys right now, but I can’t help but think about what would happen if Birds of Prey Zsasz tried to fight The Batman’s Ed Nashton… terrifying!

Ed’s love for Y/N is very respect base. She’s a little older then the man and he knows there’s a lot he can learn from her. So perhaps one day when Oswald is really getting on his nerves, Ed goes to Y/N for help with revenge. I mean it’s obvious he’s in love with the boy. Y/N can see it plain as day, so of course she’s going to help the younger villain.

He sees Y/N and Vic fight all the time. Yet they’re still madly in love. Besides he enjoys the thrill of his little feud with her boss. Is Gotham, normal relationships don’t exist. If you haven’t tried to kill each other even once, are you really even a couple? Them spending more time together is totally innocent. Riddler slips in from time to time and tries to crack little jokes and puns at Y/N. He’s not blind, the women is very attractive, but he doesn’t have a death sentence. He knows she’s Victor’s, but a little friendly flirty never hurt anyone right? Besides, he loves to watch her laugh.

And boy is she laughing! You know that classic cackle where you lean back in your chair so far you almost fall, and the other person puts a hand on their shoulder to steady you. That sort of full belly laugh that has a minor insanity behind it. Of course neither of them are sober during these little midnight plotting sessions. That would be no fun. Between the shitty riddles, the booze and plotting to make Oswald so furious the idiot throws a week long tantrum, Y/N feels totally free and giddy. There’s a certain high she gets from strategising a war that’s not serious for once. One where there’s no high stakes, and nobody’s going home having lost something they’d rather not go without.

VICTOR DOES NOT LIKE THIS!! That attention should be his. Her laugh should be from him. Not this low level, criminal wanna be. He looks like a damn leprechaun who sprouted real people legs. And when Victor comes home after a long day, looking for his Wife and finds Nygma with his hand around her. He’s seeing RED!!!!

Despite what everyone thinks, Vic does have impulse control. It’s very little but he does know how to show some self restraint. So he pulls himself away in the moment. Course, he does go out and make it EVERYONE else’s problem. Jimbo better hope he doesn’t run into the assassin on his little rampage. Cause Victor is not afraid to cut anyone down to size who gets in his way. He’s furious, and even if this little friendship was totally innocent, that wouldn’t change fuck all to him. Little does Victor know Y/N planned this. She could help Nygma, while playing the side game to rile her lover up. I mean Vic is way more fun when he’s bloodthirsty. Can’t blame a woman for wanting some excitement, or to be dominated every once in a while.

And Victor is playing right into her plan. If Oswald called a meeting because he’s growing suspicious of this sudden friendship, everyone would have to be there. If there’s one thing Oswald likes, it’s humiliating people. Why do in private what you can do in public instead? Needless to say Maggie and Basil have no clue why they’re being summoned that morning. Oswald’s pretty much locks them all in the room and just glares until someone tells him what he wants to hear. Nobody says anything at first, I mean poor Maggie and Basil have no idea what’s going on. But Victor would be the first to make a move. No words, just a punch straight to Ed’s nose.

He’d pull his gun as the man stumbled back and point it right between his eyes. A challenge to try anything, wether that be making a physical move, or attempting to even speak. Nothing Ed could say would make Victor any less trigger happy.

Maggie is the first to recognise this, and would instantly jump up from here chair.

“Woah, Victor, what the hell are you doing?” She’d ask bewildered.

Victor doesn’t move the gun, just turns his head to look at her and smirks.

“Taking out the trash.”

She’s roll her eyes.

“Nygma, what did you do?” She’s demand.

Maggie might be fairly soft spoken, but everyone could tell there was an urgency in her voice. It was gentle but commanding.

“What makes you think I did anything? The bastards crazy!” Ed defends.

Of course, Basil takes note to the fact that Y/N hasn’t had much of a response to any of this. She never attempted to rise from her seat, and there was no readable emotion on her face. It was suspicious, like she was trying to play innocent. Basil just raises a questioning brow at the woman, who gives no indication she’s going to be revealing anything anytime soon. She just sips from her cup while she watches.

Maggie pinches her brow in annoyance.

“Oswald?”

Despite him very clearly taking a more dominant role in the relationship that they have, Oswald steps forward as if his own mother just called him forward. No hesitation at all. She’d look down at the man.

“Why are we here?”

“They’re plotting something against me, I just know it.” He says, anger in his town.

Maggie hand help the exasperated sigh that leaves her mouth. She’s grown used to playing therapist.

“You’re all hopeless.” She scoffs. “Ok Oz, you’re being paranoid. Nobody in this room is trying to hurt you. Edward, you need to wipe that smug grin off your face, Victor put the damn gun down. And you-“

She’d pause when she gets to Y/N. I mean what can she say, she’s not exactly doing anything. Besides, it would be a weighty punishment if she talked back to the woman. Y/N would raise a challenging brow at the girl, smirking a little.

“Stop being so quiet, it’s creeping me out.” Maggie said, shuddering.

Nothing good ever happened when Y/N was quiet for too long. Quiet meant she was thinking, and hard. Y/N certainly amused by Maggie’s lame attempt at diffusing this situation.

“How can I stop a non-action dear?” Y/N would smirk.

Maggie would just look to Basil for help. He’d just nod his head at Edward, showing he’s the weakest link in the group right now. Maggie would clear her throat and approach.

“Look, Edward, sweetie-“ Riddler does not enjoy her tone right now. “You’re going to have to fess up to what you did sooner or later. Or else none of us are leaving this room. And I swear to you, if I have to miss going to the bookstore with Jim to pick out Bruce a book for his birthday, I am going to rip out your spleen and make you crawl across hot coals to get it back.”

She wasn’t fucking around. If anyone hated plans being interrupted more than Y/N, it’s was Maggie. And plans with Jim none the less, she was currently wanting to scream.

“Wait you’re going book shopping with Jim?” Oswald asks.

Everyone can hear the slight jealousy in his voice. Despite him not sharing affection for the girl in that way, didn’t mean he had to enjoy anyone else showing her said affection.

“Yeah, Bruce has been talking about this specific book for months, only place I can find it is down in the offered. Jim offered to go with me, probably cause he has no idea what to get the kid and wants to leach off my gift. But whatever.”

Not true. Everyone in that room new it’s because Jim didn’t want her alone in the narrows. Always the gentleman, that man. She tried back to Riddler.

“So you’re going to sit down and start talking, or so help me god I’ll just let Victor shoot you.”

Nobody really knew if the girl was being serious.

“I’m serious, I didn’t do anything wrong. Is having friends illegal now?” He questioned.

“Now I get it.” Basil chimed in. “Victor you jealous bastard, you do know your wife is allowed to talk to people right? That’s a basic human right.”

Victor would growl, wanting to shoot the younger man as well.

“Ed, apologise to Victor for making him insecure. Y/N apologise to Oswald for making him paranoid. And Victor, put the fucking gun down before I shove it up your scrawny ass. I’m not fucking around today guys, I don’t have time for this shit.”

“That time of the month?” Victor asked.

Yeah that would be the last straw. Screw an actual showdown between Victor and Edward, right now this was about to be between Victor and God. Of course Victor is going to be holding a grudge on Edward for a long time. Messing up the man’s plans and trying to shoot him at practically any opportunity they have when Maggie’s out of sight. Victor thinks Maggie’s and innocent little kitty cat, and frequently makes fun of the girl for being so soft. But, he’s also seen her shot Sofia with no hesitation because Jim was involved. Honestly he was pretty proud of her for that.

Maggie would turn back to him bewildered.

“What did you just say?”

Oh, she’s bold with it. To talk to the Victor Zsasz like he wasn’t gripping a fully loaded gun right now. Basil would be quick to step in, stepping between his big sis and Victor. Of course he’d love to watch her throw a punch at the guy, but he also knows it’s a fight she can’t win. And nobody in that room is thinking straight. He’d pull her backward into a hug, trapping her against him so she can’t move. She’d put up a valiant effort, kicking and grumbling to try to get out of his arms. Even going so far as to bite him, but he’s undeterred.

“Fine, the two do you kill each other for all I care. And Y/N, I hope whatever you’re planning is worth it.”

She’d convince Basil to let her go.

“I’m getting out of here, Basil you’re on family therapy duty today. Whatever blood is spilt, they’re cleaning it up. If I come back and see a maid doing that shit, I’m setting this entire house on fire with both of them inside.”

She’d walk over to Oswald and kiss him on the cheek. As she does so she swipes the keys from his pocket and walks toward the door. Everyone watches as she goes.

“Be back later, love you all!” She’d say, a clear attempt to try and push down any anger she was feeling.

She didn’t want her mood to be sour when she met up with Jim. As the door shut behind her, everyone just turns to look back at Y/N.

“Oh she’s definitely on her period.” Y/N concluded with a smile. “You heard what the lady said, she wants blood she’d and carnage.” She would sip her drink, even further amused as it dawns on everyone they’ve been used.

“Unbelievable.” Basil says, shaking his head.

But sitting down to watch as Y/N just hands him the full bottle of wine she’d been nursing.

“You’re insane.” Oswald grumbles as he also goes to leave the room.

Victor and Edward just stand there dumbfounded, not sure what to do next. Victor cracks his knuckles.

“I’m going to give you a five minuet head start.” He tells the man in green.

“One- Two-“

Yeah, Edwards supposed to be a genius, so he doesn’t even wait for three before he’s sprinting for the door. He’d have to think of a good way to shake Zsasz. They’d watch after him until he was out of sight. Victor just turns back to his wife.

“You’re not going after him are you?” She asks amused.

“No, that idiot can die tomorrow, you on the other hand-“

And Basil takes that as his que to leave. He knows where all that pent up rage is going to leave. And frankly he doesn’t want to see them hate fuck each other.

An; lol I love sassy Maggie in this chapter. I was just in a silly goofy mood today guys, so so is she. We all know Edward ran to the Sirens club to hide.

@keffirinne @flaysthings @howl-fantasies

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

CONFESSION

Prompt: Y/N is having some trouble with Dexter’s new storyline, and he will have to use all of his tools to make her admit her feelings

Word Count: Long-ish

Pairings: Dexter Lumis x Reader

Warnings: +18, smut, dom x sub dynamic, brat taming (slightly), bondage (limb restriction), dirty talk (a shit ton), spanking (light), jealousy

Editor: @thenightmareismyreality

Tag: @moxgirl , @theworldofotps , @galens-mistress , @sassymox , @yungbludjazz360 and the lovely anon (who just like me) is a part of the “Thristy for Lumis” club 😈🤣

Notes: I wanted to “keep it light” with my first fic (hopefully first of many!) with this beautiful blonde man, so here we go. If you’d like to check out my other stories, you can find them on my Masterlist

Yes, I am a little jealous, ok? I’ll confess that to you, but to him? Never!

“Hey babe, I was thinking maybe we should-“ He stopped talking once he realized I was zoned out

“Y/N?” He asked, a little louder “Are you listening?”

“Yes” I spat

“Jeez, are you ok?”

“Peachy, just peachy” I mocked, applying the moisturizer on my skin, which was still damp from my shower

“You’re angry...and you’re angry at me, I presume” I could feel his blue eyes staring at me “What did I do? Did I say something? Do something? Or maybe, it was something I was supposed to do but didn’t?”

In the short amount of time since Dexter and Indi’s storyline started, it already irritated me deeply! I like Indi, she’s nice, funny, a good friend to me and a damn good actress! The way she convinced people that she was actually in love with Dexter was insane. Even I had a little trouble remembering that she isn’t.

But I’m...territorial, I don’t like people trying to get what’s ‘mine’ , so needless to say that the plot vs. reality is starting to get a little blurry for me (although it wasn’t for them)

I love Dexter, and I’m happy for him! I was also happy for Indi, but my brain was having a smidgen of trouble processing it.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N? Peanut...please talk to me?” He sweetly asked

I sighed “You’ve done nothing wrong, Dex. I’m just...it’s me ok? Don’t worry about it”

He sensed my insecurity and crawled to the very end of the mattress, kneeling when he reached the foot of it, staring at my still-standing figure.

Placing both of his hands on my hips, he trailed his nose up my neck and collarbone, saying

“You smell so fucking good” He tried to pull me towards the bed but I declined

“Dex, not right now” I took his hands off my hips and took two steps back

“Not right now?” He tilted his head to the side, in confusion, knowing I never decline to have sex with him “Something is wrong, what is it? What happened?”

“Nothing! I just...I’m not in the mood right now” I said

“You’re not in the mood?” He chuckled, in disbelief “Peanut, you’re ALWAYS in the mood! Fuck, even when I’m not in the mood you get me in the mood! So that excuse will not work for me. Tell me, what’s going on?”

“Dexter, please, not right now, ok? We’ll fuck as much as you want to later, just not now, damn it!” I said, angrily

“I’m not pushing you to talk because I want to fuck you, I’m pushing you to talk because there’s something on your mind, and instead of talking to me, your husband, like a grown woman would, you’re just pushing it to the side like a fucking teenager!” He grabbed my hands, asking “Don’t you trust me?”

I nodded, and he continued “So tell me what’s bothering you! I love you and I wanna help you! But I can’t do it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, peanut”

“I don’t want to say it, because it’s dumb” I murmured

“Baby” He cupped my cheek “If it’s bothering you, it’s not dumb. Tell me, what is it?”

A muffled and inaudible ‘I’m jealous’ left my lips

“I’m afraid you will have to say it a little louder” He cackled

“I wish that storyline with Indi would be over soon” I looked up at him, to find a smug smirk

“You’re jealous?” He asked

“No! I’m not jealous! I don’t get jealous!” I crossed my arms in front of my chest

“Yes, you are!” He teased “I like when you get jealous, that way I know you still have the hots for me” He tried to grab my waist

“Stop it!” I shoved him away “The reason I don’t like the storyline is because you always receive a script with too many lines to memorize and…” I trailed off

“Babe, my character doesn’t talk!” He laughed “You will have to find another excuse for your jealousy”

“Stop saying I’m fucking jealous” I pouted

“Come here, my lil peanut” He beckoned me

“No, I don’t want to”

“Y/N, I said, come.here” His eyes were turning into a cold shade of blue

“And I said, no!” I stomped my foot

Dexter quickly grabbed a handful of my hair, and pulled me towards him

“When I tell you to come here, you better come here, do you understand?” He asked, with an icy tone in his voice

When I didn’t respond, he tugged on my hair harder

“Yes, sir” I said, nonchalantly

“Oh, she’s bratty today, huh?” His other hand wrapped around my neck “I’m sure we can fix that, can’t we?”

Part of me was mad at him for teasing me because of my jealousy but the other part was getting slightly turned on with his attitude. So I decided to test the waters

“Let me go” I yanked his hand off my neck, but Dexter stared at me amused, as he kept his grip firmly on my hair

“You don’t want me to let you go, do you?” He teased

I huffed in response, which made him laugh loudly

“Of course you don’t! You want me to fuck the jealousy out of you, don’t you, baby?”

“I’m not jealous” I tried to wiggle away from him, but that only made him tug on my hair harder

“Y/N, if you wanted me to make the jealousy go away, you just had to ask nicely”

“I don’t want anything from you” I spat

“Na ah” He slapped my face lightly “Don’t you fucking talk to me like that!” He warned “Ask for it nicely, like a good girl” He teased

“Fuck off!” I tried to push him away, but he was faster

Dexter pulled me towards the mattress, I landed on it facing down and he quickly straddled my hips, securing both of my wrists behind my back with one of his hands

“Such a dirty mouth for a pretty girl” He chuckled, dragging his cloth covered bulge against my ass

“You look so cute when you’re all mad like this'' Dexter bit my shoulder and scraped his teeth against my neck “So my lil peanut is jealous, huh?” He cackled “You think Indi will steal me away from you? That’s why you’re so angry?” He took my hair away from my face, so he could look into my eyes

I stared deeply at him, with something in my gaze making his blue eyes soften

“Baby, neither Indi nor anyone else could take me away from you, you’re the woman of my dreams! I don’t want nor need any other woman in my life. The storyline is just that: a storyline, pure fiction. I like Indi the same way that you do, as a friend! She’s never tried to cross that line and if someday she or any other woman crosses it, I know what to do. I love you and I’m more than happy with our marriage. You’re my best friend, my lover, my wife, you take care of me, support me, you’re my everything! My intelligent, sexy, funny and gorgeous everything! Do you understand what I’m telling you, peanut?” He asked softly

“Yes, Dex. I understand” I smiled

“Good, now” His eyes began to get mischievous again “About that attitude...” He trailed off, reaching down to his sweatpants and undoing the drawstring

“I’m sorry for my behavior, sir” I said sheepishly, with my eyes glued to his hand

“Oh, what a drastic change!” He smirked “If I knew that at the mere thought of a dick inside of you, you would change into a good girl so quickly, I would’ve shoved it in you earlier”

Dragging my oversized t-shirt up, Dexter began to slide one finger through my wet folds

“Please, sir” I moaned “I’ll be a good girl, I promise you, just please give it to me” I whined

“Such a greedy little whore for cock, aren’t you?”

I nodded, but that didn’t suffice to him

“Say it! I wanna hear you begging for it, I want you to say the words”

“I’m a greedy little whore for cock, sir. Please, give me your cock, sir. I need it so bad...please, I’ll behave. Can I have it? Please, let me have it” I begged

Dex knelt in between my knees and placed himself on my entrance, sliding only the tip in before he stopped

“You need it? So get it, it’s all yours!” He slapped my ass “C’mon, take it”

I moved back towards his dick, as much as my restricted arms and position would let me, but I couldn’t slide him as deep as I wanted nor could I move as fast as I wished, which made me whine in frustration

“Awww, my poor peanut, what’s wrong? You can’t go as fast as you want to, can you?” He teased and I shook my head

“Do you want me to do it for you instead? Do you want sir to fuck you deep and hard?”

“Yes, sir. Please!”

I gasped loudly when he finally gave me what I was begging for...hard, fast, rough and so deep.

“Is this what you wanted?” He asked

“Yes, thank you, sir”

The familiar burning was already starting to rise inside of me

“Are you gonna cum around my cock like a good little slut, Y/N?”

“Yes, sir” I said, breathlessly

“So what are you waiting for?” He chuckled in my ear, and that was the only confirmation I needed

Dexter slowed his pace as I came down from my high. Noticing he didn’t cum, I asked

“Why didn’t you cum?”

He slid out of me, released my wrists and turned me around, so I could face him

“Who said” He slid back in “I was done with you?” Smirking, he began to increase his pace bit by bit “I still need you to confess that you’re jealous” He winked

And I knew that this little game wouldn't finish until dawn..

Please, if you’re comfortable with it, let me know your thoughts on this? Feedbacks are always appreciated 🥰😘

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec/review: go ahead

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: go ahead Episodes: 40 Genres: family, healing/melodrama, slice of life, romance Spoilers in the Rec: for the first 20% ish/set-up If You Like, You’ll Like: reply 1988, le coup de foudre, find yourself (same production company/main male actor), rain or shine/just between lovers, found family stories, meet again stories

Rank: 10/10** (see Drawbacks section)

PREMISE

widower hai chao and his 6 year old daughter jian jian live happily above his noodle restaurant despite the recent, tragic death of his wife. one day, dysfunction junction a married couple (he ping, a police officer, and chen ting, a real piece of work) move into the same building with their 7 year old son, ling xiao. immediately, jian jian attaches herself to ling xiao, who is unexpectedly grim for a small child. 

because ling xiao’s family is less-than-healthily grieving the loss of their youngest child, ling xiao’s sister who died in a terrible accident. The Apartment of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms eventually implodes, ending with chen ting abandoning her husband and son. he ping, suddenly a single father, and hai chao come to a friendly partnership that is clearly alluding to gay marriage where they co-raise both of their kids--hai chao as the primary caregiver, and he ping supporting them financially through his job as a policeman.

meanwhile, the neighborhood busybody is dead-set on getting hia chao remarried. eventually she introduces him to a divorced single mother, he mei, and her son zi qiu, who is ling xiao’s age. they sort of start to date, but it culminates in he mei skipping town and leaving zi qiu behind. hai chao, man with a heart of gold, informally adopts him and zi qiu becomes jianjian’s foster brother.

from there, the trio grow up happily and become inseparable. but once zi qiu and ling xiao graduate high school, the bullshit parade their respective childhood skeletons reappear in their lives. circumstances lead to the boys moving overseas, leaving jianjian and their fathers behind. 

they reunite after 9 years, when the boys return to a home where they hope to pick things back up from where they left off. things are more complicated than that, as jianjian finds herself in a new life and surrounded by new people. 

MAIN CHARACTERS

li jian jian

hai chao’s daughter and the only girl in the family. she attended the required short-hair-low-grades training program required of all cdrama youth female leads. super positive and outgoing, as well as the youngest of the three pseudo-siblings, jian jian grows up spoiled and over protected by her father and brothers, and as a result is completely devastated once her family falls apart. it’s so sad.

after the time skip, she’s an on-the-verge successful artist who makes woodcarvings, and exudes big art bro energy. inhales sugar like it’s nobody’s business. she inherited her father’s disease called caring too much, and it’s incurable!! 

ling xiao

the eldest brother and resident fun police. ling xiao comes from a seriously toxic home that finally seems to improve once his mother leaves. but then she comes back. fucking great. introverted to the point of being withdrawn to anyone but his chosen family, ling xiao’s had to carry a lot of emotional weight that takes a larger and larger toll on him as the series progresses. please get this boy some therapy. 

becomes a dentist because jian jian needs one. wears a lot of monochromatic outfits with low necklines because heavy angst but make it fashion. has been in love with jian jian since high school and is still carrying that torch 9 years later.

he zi qiu  

the middle child who grows up in hai chao and jian jian’s home, and is her foster brother in all but paperwork. hotheaded, zi qiu and jian jian basically share two brain cells that ling xiao routinely takes from them for safekeeping. he spoils jian jian, sneaking her snacks and junk food and wants to become a pastry chef so he can open a sweet shop for her!!

my favorite character. just wants to be wanted 8( him and hai chao’s relationship is my favorite dynamic in the series. will sob while driving a pink moped. is too proud to beg

li hai chao (left) and ling he ping (right)

the greatest (hai chao) and okayest (he ping) dads in the world! noodle dad/hai chao has never done anything wrong in his life, ever, and we know this and we love him. he ping isn’t a bad person, but demonstrates pretty classic absentee parenting/isn’t as emotionally present in his son’s life as hai chao. hai chao is the heart of the family, and would do anything for his kids 8( 

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS 

tang can (left) and qiu ming yue (right)

jian jian’s #GirlGang and roommates. they, like literally everyone in this drama, have some severe mom issue hang-ups. tang can (left) is a former child actress who is struggling with her lack of success as an adult and gives well-meaning but absolutely terrible advice on the regular. 

ming yue (right) is jian jian’s best friend since childhood and as an adult is trying to break free from her mother’s controlling nature--she’s also had a thing for ling xiao for the last 9 years. raises fish for symbolism purposes.

chen ting

ling xiao’s mom and certified garbage human. unable to cope with the death of her daughter that was her fault lbr, she abandons her family and disappears for ten years. she forces her way back into ling xiao’s life when he turns 18, where it’s revealed that she’s remarried and ling xiao has a younger half-sister chengzi (”little orange”). shit goes down, and soon ling xiao is forced to move back to singapore to serve as primary caregiver to both his mother who abandoned him and the half sister he barely knows. 

emotionally abusive and basically hits every single square on the toxic parent bingo card. i just. i just hate her. even typing this out is making me mad.

he mei

zi qiu’s mother. after a few dates with hai chao, she ends up ditching her kid and disappearing for unknown reasons. is a slightly better parent than chen ting but that’s like saying some poison kills you slower. the show tries to bring us around on her but it didnt work for me. 

SOME OTHERS

zhuang bei, zi qiu’s best friend growing up who i would like a lot less if he wasn’t played by the same actor who played my beloved dachuan

zheng shuran, jian jian’s first boyfriend and fellow artist who’s got a weird thing for women’s waists and pretentious artists’ statements

du juan, jian jian’s friend who co-owns their woodworking studio. has absolute trash taste in men

chengzi, ling xiao’s half-sister who can be a brat but dear god does she need to be protected/saved 

**DRAWBACKS

so this is a weird one for me. what i didn’t like i really didn’t like, but what i loved i really loved. ultimately, the factors/uniqueness of this show and the loveability of the main characters outweighed the negatives and it’s one of my favorite dramas.

THAT SAID. i got some #thoughts on this one. 

first, there are literally no positive mother figures in this show. not a damn one. they are all negligent or controlling at best or down right abusive at worst. no woman over 30 is portrayed positively and that’s a big No from me. 

the last 10 eps have some pacing issues and focus on the wrong people. spending the remaining episodes focused on one of the most universally hated characters vs. the main family was a bad move 

the show tried to redeem or make us sympathize with characters that were, to me, completely irredeemable. one case is worse than the other, but both of them were terrible people that deserved to be cut out of the main family’s lives.  

REASONS TO WATCH

the main family. the characters are so wonderful and nuanced, and their dynamics with one another were amazing. you’ll fall in love with hai chao aka noodle dad and the trio. they go through so many trials but they still stick together and it’s ultimately a healing drama and i loved it very much.

the central romance was less in focus, but the pining is enough to make jane austen emerge from the grave. i loved the leads together, and while LOL ling xiao’s attachment to jian jian was not always healthy, they supported each other and it made me smile. i love me a tortured pining dude.

#Acting. everyone played their parts to perfection. the child actors in particular were so well-cast (esp baby zi qiu)

the soundtrack lmao. you watch the opening credits and know you’ll need to buckle up

idk it’s a very unique show, and i haven’t seen one like it. reply 1988 comes close, but it doesn’t tackle the same issues and it was all just very real and earnest. 

Final Thoughts.

GOODNIGHT, GOOODBYYYYYE MY CHILDREEEEEEEN

[wetalkinboutbooks]

Reaper of Souls by Rena Barron

Summary: After so many years yearning for the gift of magic, Arrah has the one thing she’s always wanted—at a terrible price. Now the last surviving witchdoctor, she’s been left to pick up the shattered pieces of a family that betrayed her, a kingdom in shambles, and long-buried secrets about who she is. 

Desperate not to repeat her mother’s mistakes, Arrah must return to the tribal lands to search for help from the remnants of her parents’ people. But the Demon King’s shadow looms closer than she thinks. And as Arrah struggles to unravel her connection to him, defeating him begins to seem more and more impossible—if it’s something she can bring herself to do at all.

Set in a richly imagined world inspired by spine-tingling tales of voodoo and folk magic, Kingdom of Souls was lauded as “masterful” by the School Library Journal in a starred review. This explosively epic sequel will have readers racing to the can’t-miss conclusion. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🌗

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: A messy sequel to an amazing series, we get to see the after effects of the fall out of Arrah vs. Efiya from KOS… and when we tell you it is MESS!!!

~Spoiler-Full Review Below~

The Good: 

→ Arrah and Dimma

Geena: One of my favourite things about Reaper was the sprinkle of Dimma’s POVs throughout the story. We got an insight into Dimma’s life before she was Arrah, and how her relationship with the other Orisha and Daho developed. It also really helped build up the suspense near the end and set up plot twists that clocked us near the end. Dimma aside, let’s talk about Arrah. Rena Barron said brooding boys are out, brooding girls are IN! And you know what, we love to read it. The story starts off with Arrah trying to save Sukkar after she snapped all his bones while trying to save him, and she does save him :) Or so she thinks but that’s besides the point. Over the length of the book we follow Arrah’s inner turmoil of suddenly having the power of 10 tribal chieftains and being insecure about whether or not she even deserves it.

I loved Arrah, even when she was holding herself up to a terribly high bar and beating herself up about everything she did. Arrah helped bring her Auntie back from the dead and was like “Damn I suck :/” and thought shattering a girl’s glass (who was flirting with Rudjek) put her on the same level as her mom and Efiya. I was sitting there like NO GIRL YOU’RE PERFECT, YOU, YOUR MISSING TOOTH AND YOUR PETTY NATURE!! 

Kae: YAAAAAAAAAS! Geena summed Arrah and Dimma up perfectly. 

But I would like to add how much I love Arrah and how selfless she is. She’s always thinking about her friends and their safety, the safety of the tribal people, and of course the kingdom. She’s a worry woman, but for all the right reasons. And she also cares about herself; so much even that like Geena said, she beats herself up for the smallest of things. She’s so worried about being evil like her mother and her sister, that she calculates every single move that she makes, debating if it’s really worth it to use strong magic or not. 

As for Dimma, I loved her POV’S. She is a complex character who has been demonized since book 1. We were taught to believe, through the POV of some of the Gods, that Dimma was a horrible Goddess who wrought nothing but chaos. They erased her name from history, LITERALLY. And Dimma became known as the Unnamed Orisha. While reading her POV, we learn that Dimma was quite selfless, much like Arrah (since they are technically the same person). Dimma was full of love and loved even harder. She went out of her way to give Daho immortality as well as his people, because she loved them so much. She defied the rules of the universe for her love, and it only came to bite her in the ass in the end. Like her siblings told her, “A God’s love is a dangerous thing.” And it was, but not exactly for the reasons one might think.

Geena:  Kae’s summary of Dimma and Arrah is AMAZING, you know my ability to connect dots when reading is kinda shit so reading Kae’s summary gave me realization…  Arrah tries so hard to separate herself from Dimma, because she refuses to believe that a part of her is in love with Daho because she herself is in love with Rudjek… but it’s like girl… you have travelled to the ends of the earth to fight and bring back the people you love (the tribespeople) just like Dimma searched the ends of the universe for immortality to give to Daho. It’d be much easier to reconcile your feelings if you just accepted that “Okay, I may have been Dimma but now I am Arrah”

Also another thing I love about Arrah is how she had…. For a time… three dudes in love with her… or at least what she thought was three dudes. Real hot girl shit. 

→ Rudjek and Daho

Geena: You know the character archetype that’s like a snarky boy who knows he’s hot shit and acts accordingly, but when it comes to the person he’s in love with he’s just a bowl of mush. That’s Rudjek, and only Rudjek can pull it off. In KOS, he was slated to be the next vizier because of his father, in Reaper he’s known as a prince because his dad snaked his way into becoming the monarch. So, now he’s the snarky prince…. And the only snarky prince with rights! His POVs were actually so fun to read, like following the politics of the Kingdom and him dealing with his new craven powers…. Which also had him being able to smell pheromones when people were doing the dirty around him 😭

I really liked that Rena gave him a POV, because now we get to see how he develops given the fact that him and Arrah are dangerous to one another, because he saps her magic with a single touch and could kill her. The whole time Arrah is stressing like “Damn, what if he doesn’t like me anymore because we can’t touch” meanwhile Rudjek is like “I’ll fight the Gods if I have to, to keep her by my side” and it’s like 🥺Also, who let a teenager be in control of a whole army… I thought the vizier was a sly and smart man but I digress… Another thing I liked about Rudjek in this book was that he didn’t shy away from uncomfortable conversations with Arrah, regarding the fact that he confused Efiya for Arrah when they did the unspeakable in the clearing in KOS. Like, that was very mature of them and I’m glad they could deal with that misunderstanding… But… hands down… my favourite scene… During the climax of the book Rudjek gets a demon soul shoved down his body, and immediately assumes it’s the demon king…. And his only command to his friends is to not let him near Arrah😭😭😭 I was like PEAK ROMANCE, SOFTEST SHIT, SACRIFICIAL LOVER!!!!! 

Kae: SO GEENA SUMMED UP RUDJEK SO DAMN WELL. LIKE DUDE OMG? Correct. He is perfect. I really don’t have much to add but I just genuinely loved him as a character. He is caring for both Arrah and his friends. He is also one of the few male characters I’ve read that actively tries to go against their father. Most dudes in books are like “Fine puhpa, I shall do your evil bidding.” But Rudjek is like “Sike bitch, I’ll let you think that but I’m doing what I WAAAANT!” 

But okay, let’s talk about Daho. So first off, I love him??? Am I a villain sympathizer now? Tbh, I don’t really see him as a villain. Man’s didn’t commit a genocide or try to scheme Arrah out of her pants. AND HE VERY MUCH HAD THE CHANCE TO and he was like “nah.” And I appreciate that. Because there are a few certain villainous men who I shan’t name, that be on that scant shit. And Daho is just like… genuinely trying to avenge his wife’s death (Dimma) and try to get Arrah to remember that she is Dimma. 

YES, I know he got Arti to bring him back. BUUUUUT, he didn’t tell her to kill a bunch of kids and shit to do it. Arti did all that evil shit on her own and Daho was like “look, i don’t condone that shit. But it’s over and I’m sorry it happened but I can’t change it.” And I’m like… okay, mood. I get it. Daho is sweet and caring. He looked out for Arrah in *redacted’s* body because we didn’t know *redacted* was dead the whole time. And even then, Daho was still like “My bad… But he wasn’t using his body??? So I took it???” Why let it go to waste, amiright? 

Geena: STOOOOP FOR REAL HE WAS LIKE “It was empty, I didn’t think you’d mind” 

Kae: LMAOOO OKAY BUT DEADASS. And like, idk man. He just seriously isn’t a bad person. He was trapped because after the God’s killed Dimma, he was like “BET IMMA JUST KILL THEM” and they lowkey were shook so they trapped his ass in a box for a millenia or whatever. He wasn’t even out to kill all humanity or anything. The God’s were just being some haters and now he’s suddenly the bad guy. Anyway, we stan Daho in this house. 

Geena: Daho is how you write a sympathetic villain. He owns up to his own mistakes even while his demons run free terrorizing people. Kae said it best that he just wants justice for his wife and unfortunately history is written by the victors so the Orisha painted him out to be a bad guy… My dude was just chugging that respecting my wife juice and they killed her… and he also thinks they killed his son… Guess me and Kae are just villain sympathizers now 

The Bad:   

→ The Ending 

Kae: Okay, let’s get it. And I also just want to clarify that when we say “the bad”, we don’t mean we hate it. This is just something that was like “oh fuck, this is BAAAAD! THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GO DOOOWN.” 

But like, good Lord. The ending? That shit was crazy. First of all, we find out that *redacted* aka, SUKKAR. OUR SWEET, PLAYFUL, SARCASTIC SUKKAR. IS DEAD. HE HAS BEEN DEAD THIS WHOLE TIME!? Excuse me while I *SCREEEEEEEEEEEAM*. Like, what an unforeseen twist. This mf kicked the bucket back in KOS when Arrah tried to save him. Turns out… She maybe… Totally… possibly… Absolutely killed my guy on accident. He dead-dead. And this is how we find out that Daho took over his body, once Sukkar’s spirit ascended. It was a really sad reveal and my heart kind of hurt reading it. I straight up wasn’t expecting that to happen. THEEEEEN. GOTDAMN EFIYA. IS BROUGHT BACK. 

Geena: No joke, the ending of Reaper was just one sucker punch followed by another… At first you think Tyrek (the prince from KOS who joins Arrah and her crew on a journey to save the tribespeople) is the demon king, then you think it’s Rudjek because he’s getting possessed, and then you learn it’s Sukkar… The final punch to the gut was Daho bringing back Efiya because his close general asked for her… because she’s his daughter. We were like, DAHO ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU SAW THE DAMAGE SHE DID TO THE HUMANS!!! Like Efiya may have grown quickly in a few months but her brain isn’t fully developed, like that girl is UNHINGED!!! I thought we were done with the Efiya chapter but here we are, and I’m scared to see what role she’ll play in the final instalment of the series. I guess this is the case of bringing back an old villain that can work out really well…  I trusted Rena with the messy Arrah/Daho/Rudjek love triangle, so I trust her with this too 

The Ugly:  

→ Tyrek 

Geena: Remember how I said Rudjek is the only valid snarky prince… Yea, Tyrek can CHOKE!! In KOS he sides with Efiya and she wreaks havoc in the Kingdom, and in Reaper he’s brought to his knees. Rudjek’s dad wants to execute him for his crimes, but Arrah sympathizes with him because she knows how Efiya’s mind control worked. As you read, you get a sense of “Okay, maybe he isn’t bad, he’s helping Arrah and them” but then you get to the climax and you’re like okay nvm this boy was insane… Imagine travelling to a whole other dimension and making deals with demons, because you’re in a fucked up sort of romance with a half-demon girl. He managed to lie to Arrah that he was being controlled by Efiyah, when he was really with Efiya the whole way…. Even when she told him to murder his whole family… this man was vile!! He’s also one of our first fake outs, when he pretends to be the demon king I was kinda disappointed… I was like no this ruins the messy love triangle I’ve been waiting for! But it was just a fake out, Tyrek was just trying to scare Arrah into freeing Efiya, whose soul was in the demon dagger that Arrah used to kill her in KOS. Overall, 1/10 for this man… the 1 point is for when he figured out “Sukkar” had a crush on Arrah before Arrah even knew.  

Conclusion 

Kae: So, I don't have much to add to Tyrek’s snake ass. He really was ugly in the end. I’m glad he’s dead. 

But to conclude, this was such an amazing, refreshing read. Reaper of Souls was a wonderful sequel to Kingdom of Souls. Rena writes so beautifully and she didn’t hesitate to have us readers shaking in our boots. Getting more background information on Dimma, the Gods, and their old ass war, was really fun and insightful! IT added to the story in a way I hadn’t even thought about until I was consuming it all! 

Arrah and Rudjek are perfect angels and I can’t wait to see where book three leads them. I also want to give a shout out to Essnai and Majka for being such good friends to Arrah and Rudjek. Same to Kira and the Cravens. This is a really close knit group of friends who will go to the ends of the Earth (and literally new dimensions) for each other. THAT’S LOVE, BITCH. And we LOVE to see it. 

Geena: For real! Rena Barron set up such an amazing cast of characters, and she really emphasizes the power of friendship in her series and it’s one of my favourite things to read. With Reaper, from the very start, she sets up the story in such a way you’re literally screaming by the end… I think it requires a special kind of skill to be able to set up a story so well that while you do make predictions about what’s going to happen, it still shocks you when you realize you’re right. Cannot wait to see the absolute mess that will be the final book, with Rudjek/Arrah vs. Daho… and the drama it will bring now that the Orishas realize that Arrah is Dimma’s reincarnation.  

[supercasey]

More Info on Scout’s Brothers in my Interpretation of Them

From working on my latest TF2 fic, I’ve been getting even more invested in my interpretations of Scout’s brothers than I was back when I wrote “Jeremy” last month, so here’s more information on them, including their appearances, who their spouses end up being later on in life, and their kids (if they have any).

(Putting this under a readmore for the sake of literally everyone)

((Tumblr, please don’t fuck this up for mobile readers. If it does end up looking like crap, I’ll make a Google Doc for this.))

Name: Grant Grayson-Kennedy Jr. Age: 34 (11 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Bisexual Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Grey Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Amelia O’Malley (36) Their Children: Lauren Grayson-Kennedy (8), Kara Grayson-Kennedy (6), Rupert Grayson-Kennedy (4.5), Timothy Grayson-Kennedy (2) Occupation: Air Force Veteran/Lawyer Personality: The family peacekeeper. Probably the most pragmatic of his siblings (though he’s still quite the fighter), Grant has been helping his mom out with his brothers from almost the very beginning, becoming more helpful as more kids were born. He’s a family man, and adores his family to bits, doing almost anything to keep them safe. Was actually considered as a possible recruit by The Administrator, but she decided to not hire him in the end, as he seemed too wise to be manipulated.

Name: Timothy Grayson-Kennedy Age: 32 (9 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Homosexual Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Dark Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Duke Hammond (32) Their Children: Sarah Kennedy-Hammond (3), Jeremy Kennedy-Hammond (1) Occupation: Cartoonist Personality: The family heart. The most gentle of his brothers, Timmy is especially close with Jeremy and Grant. Kinda nervous about being a father, but with his childhood best friend turned lover at his side, he isn’t quite as scared anymore. Stays in contact with his siblings well enough, but tends to lose track of events/announcements due to living all the way in California. Doesn’t approve of mercenary work in general.

Name: Jacob Grayson-Kennedy Age: 31 (8 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heterosexual Hair Color: Light Blond Eye Color: Light Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: None Their Children: Ana Grayson-Kennedy (3), Mia Grayson-Kennedy (3) Occupation: Freelance Guitarist Personality: The family sword. Was always pretty rough ‘n tumble even when compared to his brothers, so he got into a lot of trouble alongside Malcolm when he was a teen. Finally cleaned up his act when a one-night-stand resulted in him having twin daughters, who he loves dearly and has sole custody of. Has a better relationship with Arthur now that they’re adults, and actually lives with him in downtown Boston.

Name: Arthur Grayson-Kennedy Age: 31 (8 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Pansexual Hair Color: Dark Blond Eye Color: Dark Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Markus Browning (29) Their Children: None Occupation: Carpenter Personality: The family shield. Not quite as mellow as Timmy is, but he’s pretty damn close in terms of general kindness towards his family and friends. Has struggled in the past to find his calling, but he loves his job in carpentry, and loves that he gets to live with his twin and nieces! Has an on and off boyfriend who he keeps a secret from the family, as he’s nervous to come out as pan, even though Timmy’s been out as gay for a few years now.

Name: Patrick Walsh-Kennedy Age: 30 (7 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heterosexual Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: Felicity Homer (28) Their Children: None Occupation: Hairdresser Personality: The family shadow. He’s never liked being in the spotlight, even when he was young and into street brawls. Was beaten by his bio dad a lot as a kid, so he’s fairly skittish as a result; jumps at loud noises and has claustrophobia. Still checks in on the family every once in awhile, but he prefers to stay with his GF in relative solitude. Loves his job so much, even if it does involve being social sometimes.

Name: Malcolm Walsh-Kennedy Age: 27 (4 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heteromantic Asexual Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: Dolores Jamison Their Children: Luke Kennedy-Jamison (5) Occupation: Wrestler Personality: The family instigator. Was by far the most reckless and violent of his brothers (yes, even more so than Jacob), which led to him getting arrested a number of times in his teens. Is trying to turn his life around, but it’s hard for him. After he found out that Jeremy is a mercenary, he flipped his lid, and he’s still pissed at him about it. Loves his son, his wife, his mama, his brothers, and that’s about it tbh.

Name: Curtis Walsh-Kennedy Age: 26 (3 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Bisexual Hair Color: Dark Blond Eye Color: Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: None Their Children: None Occupation: BLU Scout Personality: The family drifter. Spent a lot of his childhood teasing Jeremy and trying to be his mom’s favorite, neither of which worked in his favor. His mom still loves him of course, but he’s not the favorite (no one is). He drifted for a long while after high school, struggling to land a job, before he was hired to join BLU team as their Scout. Now he continues teasing Jeremy as an adult, which leads to a lot of matches turning into Scout vs Scout fights.

Name: Jeremy Kennedy Age: 23 Gender: Transgender Man Sexuality: Pansexual Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Baby Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Jeffery REDACTED Their S/O: None Their Children: None Occupation: RED Scout Personality: The family runt. He tried so hard to keep up with his brothers as a kid, but was always told to not play as rough due to him being FTM. After coming out to the family as a man, and living on his own for awhile, he’s become even closer to his brothers than he was before, save for maybe Curtis, who he fights with every time they see each other. He knows Curtis is the BLU Scout and constantly teases him for losing so often to RED, which leads to even more fights between them. (I should note that I don’t characterize Jeremy as transgender in the Kids AU, mostly because I think he’d be too young to come out, and seeing as I don’t want to write him as a “girl” for the entirety of the AU... he can be trans in that AU if you want him to be, but I feel uncomfortable writing such a young child as being trans, so do with that what you will.)

Information on the dads!

Grant Grayson Sr.: Grant, Timothy, Jacob, and Arthur’s dad. He was a well respected man when he was alive, and actually had a decent relationship with Becky for the most part, but it became more strained when he left for war after the twins were born. About a year into his military service, Grant was killed in action, leaving Becky a widow. She loved him, but after his death, she accepted the fact that it wouldn’t have lasted forever with him, though she still misses him sometimes.

Terrence Walsh: Patrick, Malcolm, and Curtis’s dad. He tried hooking up with Becky the minute Grant was shipped overseas, but she always turned him down, as she was married and not a cheater. After Grant’s death though, he swooped in and convinced Becky to start going out with him, leading to Patrick’s birth and a second marriage for Becky. Unfortunately, Terrance was a real POS, and he routinely beat the kids as well as Becky. He was assassinated a few weeks after Curtis was born by Spy, freeing Becky of his abuse.

Jeffery REDACTED: The RED Spy/Jeremy’s dad. He met Becky while she was still stuck in an abusive marriage with Terrence, and soon after they met, Becky begged for his help in getting rid of her husband so she and kids could finally be safe. Feeling bad for the mother, Spy did just that, killing Terrence and making it look like an accident. Afterwards he planned on going on his merry way, but Becky convinced him to stay in her home while he waited for more work to roll in. During this time, they fell in love, and he soon married her (though it was an under the table sort of deal, where he also took on her last name), and after a year or so of marriage, Becky became pregnant with Jeremy. Unfortunately for Spy, people were after him, so he had to leave the family behind, but he’s still technically married to Becky, and she refuses to date anyone in his absence.

And that’s what I’ve got! Btw, I chose the last name “Kennedy” for the family based on the quote “You’ve got the luck of a Kennedy!” since I headcanon that Scout’s Mom has been through a lot, and in turn so have all of her children in one way or another. The family’s unlucky, but at least they’ll always have each other! Feel free to ask me questions about the family if you have any.

[yeet-or-be-hawed]

Headcanon for Arthur: High Honor vs Low Honor

High Honor Arthur:

Gets flustered very easily, so he may not be as affectionate in public or around camp when you first get together. You know he’s not ashamed of you, just easy to blush and catches a lot of shit from his fellow gang members.

Loves to be petted! Arthur will come to your tent and silently flop into your lap, just wanting to feel your hands in his hair and beard.

Touch starved af. I think we all can agree Arthur hasn’t been given enough romantic love and you are willing to help. When you’re together he always needs to be touching you. Whether it’s just the brush of his fingers when he sits beside you at a camp fire, or the way he pushes his knee against your leg on summer nights when it’s too hot to cuddle. Always. Be. Touching.

When dealing with jealousy, he keeps it to himself. He doesn’t want to burden you with his feelings or ruin your friendship so he keeps it bottled inside with every other negative emotion he has and let’s it weigh down his heavy heart even more.

Extremely self conscious. With little to no self esteem, Arthur sees himself as an ugly bitter outlaw unworthy of anyone’s love which in turn makes him extremely oblivious. You could literally make a glowing neon sign that says “Y/N loves and appreciates Arthur Morgan and thinks he is beautiful inside and out” and his first reaction would be “Is there another Arthur Morgan in these parts? Small world.” Even after getting together he needs constant reassurance and that’s okay because you’re more than willing to remind him how wonderful he is.

When it comes to sex, you are 100% the focus. He still has a hard time believing you want him so he does everything he can to keep you happy. His first concern is always your pleasure which is great but you almost have to fight him to give him the pleasure he deserves. This stems from his self hatred and poor self esteem. You have to remind him you find him just as handsome and worthy of love as any other man, maybe even more.

After sex cuddles are essential. He loves the way you smell afterwards, your natural scent mixed with the musk of sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re in Rhodes in the middle of summer, Arthur will still pull you in and hold you even if it means risk of a heat stroke. It takes you awhile to realize he does it for him. He needs the feeling of holding you, especially after such a vulnerable activity. He needs to weigh you down so you don’t go away forever.

Buys you gifts every time he’s in town, even if you’re with him but it has to be a surprise. Hell usually send you off to another store of the saloon just so he can get out from your watchful eye. It starts small; at first only buying little things like your favorite candies or little trinkets, maybe a new holster or some ammo nothing flashy. The closer you become the more extravagant the gift. Clothes, jewelry, guns, you name it and Arthur has probably bought it for you before. He surprises you with how spot on he always is, and he always says it’s because he pays attention.

He loves to show you off. After he gets over the initial embarrassment of Hosea and John making comments and teasing him about finally getting the girl, he will always hold your waist or your hand when with you, it’s hard for him to believe someone like you can love a man like him, so he wants to make sure the world sees to prove to the world (or maybe just himself) that even a wretch like him can have something so pure.

Before riding together, he always takes care of your horse first. He also makes sure he’s always there to help you up on your horse, those big strong hands on your waist always gives you butterflies.

Low Honor Arthur:

Ultimate fuck machine. Hung like a horse with the matching endurance. His sexuality bleeds into almost every emotion so it’s hard for him to take anything seriously.

He knows how you feel about him, but doesn’t make a move. He gets pleasure out of seeing those longing looks you give him, the way you quickly look away and blush when he looks at you fuels his fantasies. He imagines pulling your chin towards him hard, and the things he would do to that pretty little mouth of yours.

When it comes to jealousy, he doesn’t know how to interpret it at first. Seeing you flirt with men in saloons half drunk on whiskey sends him into a rage. Why should he care? You’re just another person he rides with. Yeah, he would ravage you given the chance but you’re not his damned wife, so why does he want to walk over and deck the fellow you’re talking to in the face? That jealousy also has a more primal side. Remember how his sexuality bleeds into his other emotions? Yeah it bleeds into his jealousy big time. He fantasizes about it, later that night he will definitely pleasure himself to the thought of fucking you hard in that saloon, right in front of that idiot you were flirting with.

This man bleeds self confidence. He’s a bad man and he knows it. He also is aware of how attractive he is and uses it. He knows exactly how to render you to a flustered babbling heap and he loves it. Dropping his voice to that low husky tone that sends shivers down your spine, running his hand gently across your lower back as he passes you, much lower than a gentleman would go, but he is no gentleman. He knows what he does to you and even though he started just to be a tease, you can tell he continues because of the pleasure it gives him. You see the lust in his eyes, the way it burns and his lips curl up in a seductive smile when he gives you these small touches. But they’re always very gentle. You’re taken by surprise how gently he touches you, as if he’s afraid you’ll crack under the pressure of his large hands.

Low Honor Arthur is just as touch starved as High Honor, but he doesn’t like to acknowledge it. At first he recedes from your touch, almost like it burns him. Not because he doesn’t want it, but it reminds him of how badly he wants it. His appearance and reputation are very important to him so it almost angers him to yearn for such a silly thing as the tender touch of a woman. He eventually gives in and warms up to your touch, but responds best in private. When in the eyes of gang members he will act indifferent to physical contact, but when it’s just the two of you he loves the way you trail your finger up down his fore arm and back up in long lazy circles or even just putting your hand on his. It sets a warmth in his chest that he isn’t familiar with, and even though he hides it under the brim of his hat, you can see the soft smile that forms when he’s truly at peace.

Loves when you mess with his hair! Again, he isn’t as open for it around others but when it’s just the two of you he loves when you tangle your fingers in his hair. You have heavy hands and worry at first you may be pulling or tugging his hair. He reassures you it’s fine. It’s more than fine, because even when you do get a little rough it sends his mind to a darker more primal place. Sometimes you’ll notice how he shifts his pelvis slightly when you accidentally pull a knot too hard but he never says anything to make you stop.

Although he sees your longing glances and finally admits his feelings to himself, it takes him awhile to try anything, as he doesn’t want to make the first move. Not only does the sexual tension fuel him, but he feels he would be taking advantage unless you make the first move.

When it comes to sex, ravaging You is an understatement. Truly he’s most alive when he is turned on and nothing turns him on more than seeing you hot for him. He will tie you up and bring you so close to climax you could cry, but he’s in it for the long haul. He isn’t a selfish lover, but his primary source from pleasure of watching you squirm under his hard grip, the way you say his name and beg him to fuck you. The way you moan into his cock while you suck it, that sends him reeling. Knowing you get pleasure from pleasuring him makes it even better for him.

He will cuddle after sex, but it’s more for you than it is for him. He wants you to know you aren’t just a one night stand. You won’t wake up and find him gone, although you may wake up and find him making you breakfast.

He likes to hide it from the rest of the gang, but he does have a sweet side. When no one is at camp or if it’s just the two of you on trips he is at his sweetest. Holding your hand, complimenting you, being a real gentleman. It doesn’t hurt your feelings when he turns more cool and casual around others, he relies on his intimidation factor and honestly, it gets you a little hot and heavy, so after being around him and others all day, you’re ready to jump him and see just how rough he can be.

Low Honor Arthur also showers you with gifts, but more practical ones and usually from his own personal things. A new saddle for your horse, ammo for your guns, some throwing knives from his personal collection. He usually gives them to you in secret, mostly so the others don’t see the slight shade of pink in his cheeks when your eyes widen at his gift and you thank him excitedly. Maybe the tough guy act isn’t the only reason he keeps these intimate moments private, maybe he just enjoys having you to himself.

[scrumptiousalpacadeer]

Paul Thomas Anderson’s THE MASTER and what it may teach us about  mind-control vs freedom Post-Covid

So last night I watched The Master. It was a most pleasing way to spend a Saturday evening; alone, with two cats draped on the sofa and windowsill respectively, and it rounded off a pretty pedestrian Saturday mostly spent mowing and raking the lawn and scattering grass seed whilst *Boo finished reading Jacqueline Wilson’s Rose Rivers whilst occasionally appearing at the back door to yell; ‘mama, you’re driving me nuts with your gardening!’ Somehow I’d been looking forward to scattering my grass seed all week - the promise of moist new green growth on our dusty brown patches. Thing is - and there is a lesson in here somewhere - the grass seed box said it covered 10m square - I guess I got a bit carried away and basically I ran out after one corner. So one corner of my lawn will look like Eden, and the rest will continue to look like some deserted Sicilian scrubland... That’s life, baby, I guess. 

So anyway, The Master....dear God. There are many ways I could go with this...Firstly undiluted, scope, wonder, singular sensitivity, impossible mastery, extreme importance and sheer exalting, agonising beauty of Paul Thomas Anderson’s films is the subject of another post. (I’m still on a high from the explosive visceral experience of watching Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood and that was, what, 5 years ago? 10 years ago?) Then The Master came out in 2012 and P.T.A. raised his game even more. 

I could, and will another time, talk about the astonishing gift Joaquin Phoenix afforded the world with his embodiment of his character, Freddie Quell. (I say ‘embodiment’; ‘performance’ always strikes me as an incorrect way of describing an actors full immersion in an imagined character’s inner life.) To my mind, Freddie is one of the most affecting, heart-breaking, occasionally funny and downright truthful portrayals of a ‘broken’ man; an exiled, psychologically damaged, wild and lonely spirit who roams the world, desperate for love and acceptance, clearly one of the great ‘un-belonging’ of the post-war world in America. In one the open scenes he simulates fucking an over-sized figure of woman carved in sand on a hot beach, for the amusement of his army pals. In the final scene of the film, after his long long incredible journey , we see him caressing this sand woman again, resting his next to a large sandy breast. Oh poor dear Freddy Quell; my tears ran with him last night; knowing myself in this second viewing of the film, to be so like him. Perhaps one day I will be able to shake Joaquin Phoenix’s hand and say ‘thankyou so much for Freddie.....’ I often feel like that with actors work that resonates through the bones. 

I could also talk about how Philip Seymour Hoffman was possibly the greatest screen actor of his time, and how crazy it was that the world didn’t seem to mourn his tragic early death. Was it perhaps because he died of an accidental heroine overdose? - and this, well, didn’t sit very well with Hollywood. His embodiment here of Lancaster Dodd, charismatic leader of philosophical cult movement The Cause, is breath-taking. But then all his performances were breath-taking. I had a dream about him once (whole other post entitled CELEBRITY DREAMS coming your way); we were kind of friends even though I knew he was dead and his face kept appearing on billboards all over London. If, when; I meet him in the spirit world, I’d like to shake his hand and thank him for Lancaster Dodd and Brandt in The Big Lebowski, and Truman Capote, and also for providing me with one of the most pivotal theatre experiences of my life. August 2001, Edinburgh Festival, I witnessed his production of Jesus Hopped The A Train at The Gilded Balloon; this was running gold theatre. Within half a second of the play ending the entire full house erupted to it’s feet like we’d all been tasered from the floor. Thank you Philip...you gave me faith then that theatre is important; that art comes from dark places and revives...

I could talk about the astonishing crashing score composed by Radiohead’s guitarist Jonny Greenwood.

I could also talk about Amy Adam’s terrifying portrayal of Lancaster’s icy wife Peggy and her utterly brilliant final put-down to Freddie: “you either do this for a billion years, or not at all...” (she’s referencing Freddie’s abandonment of the cult she’s set up with her husband, but this line, I feel, could apply to motherhood...….)

                                                  * * * * * * * * * *

 It usually takes me two viewings for a films deeper meaning to seep in, and last night I was struck by what I see as the heart of the film. The core of the film is relationship between Freddie Quell and Lancaster Dodd; it’s an uncompromising study of male vulnerability and the cosmic search for ‘a father figure’...  On a bigger scale, its about how those in positions of assumed power and influence ( Dodd) rely on the adoration and worship of those whom society deem ‘worthless’ (Quell). It’s about the fragility and corruption of a society whereby a man promises freedom and empowerment to his followers (Dodd devises a system of ‘processing’ whereby he takes initiates back to past traumas through a curious mixture of interrogation and hypnosis and ‘cures’ them; he posits that his vision can cure leukaemia and will bring about world peace) and how those ‘disadvantaged’, the great ‘unloved’ can be absorbed into such an attractive lifestyle. In one painful scene, Freddie is taken to a party at a mansion, filled with monied people and luxurious things. Freddie is dressed smartly for the occasion; but is sweating with nerves and orders a scotch at the earliest opportunity, before hiding away in a side room and stealing an ornament. It took me back to my own exile, when, at the age of 17 I landed at Brentwood Boys School in Essex, and cut off from my parents, shattered from my sister’s suicide and a lifetime of confusion, I nonetheless attended many a glorious party; a perfect size 10 and top of the class, I knew how to say all the right things. But, like Freddie, I knew I didn’t and wouldn’t ever fit it. Like him, I would often sneak off to the side rooms, get off my head drunk to hide my shame and hopeless, and cause some fight..

In the end, despite himself, Freddie starts to see through Lancaster’s bullshit and returns to his life on the road. Though The Cause had given him a home, suits and ties, friendship, respect and a certain ‘standing’ that he could only have dreamed of, as he confesses to Peggy at the end, before returning to his own brand of personal lonely freedom; ‘it’s just not how I look’.  

                                                        * * * * * * * 

“Don’t you know, They’re talking about a revolution it sounds like a whisper Don’t you know you’d better run run run run run run run run.....” Tracey Chapman 

Talkin’ About A Revolution

What I find heartening and deeply exciting about these early post-Covid times, as the first chinks of sunlight pour in through windows that have separated us from friends, lovers, fellow man for so long, is that people are choosing freedom. In small ways, perhaps, but I get the overall sense that for many people, fear has had its day. As my dear friend said over tea the other day; ‘people are thinking fuck this, fuck it, we wanna fuck’....well, exactly. 

It was this dear friend I met up with in her wood a few weeks ago; we hugged each other day, and it was such a joyous relief to see her I told her that if I got the virus and killed me, oh fuck it, it would be worth it, just to sit next to her by a river on a sunny day...

I’ve had two other conversations lately to support my little theory; a particularly cheerful friend of mine turned up with her daughter unannounced on my doorstep couple of weeks back  - they had a bag of clothes; would Boo like them? Initially we did the ‘2 m’ thing, paying homage to THE RULES as dictated by the blessed government of this land; I hovered on the threshold of my kitchen - she stood outside by the flower-pots. Then I broke the rules; ‘look, do you wanna come in?’ - That was it. The ice was broken - and she stood, blond, beaming and glorious with her big sunglasses on, in my little kitchen - along with her daughter and mine, and I could literally have feasted forever on the sheer joyous fleshiness of having three other living homo sapiens near me. That sunny day in early June, two women in a small village in Sussex chose freedom. ‘I’ve just had enough of all this virus stuff’ she said ‘I’m even dreaming about it! I’ve just had enough’. 

Then last week a friend came over with her three glorious girl children and told me how her youngest, a endlessly sweet six yr old, had ‘hidden behind a tree with her friend so that they could have a hug’. Lets think about that for a moment; six years olds hiding behind trees to have a hug. Its pretty damn sad. And weird. This friend had been on full on paranoid lockdown due to one of the children’s potential serious health issues - but she’d reached breaking point. ‘I’ve had enough’ she said. And that day her girls and my daughter raced up and down the stairs and around the garden in glorious flagrance of any state prescribed social distancing rules. 

                                                * * * * * * * * * * * 

In the end, Freddie breaks free from his master’s and The Cause’s control and continues - we assume -  his lonely drift around the world. In their final agonising meeting, Lancaster reveals the smashed ungenerous ego of a despot thwarted by his adoring lover: ‘if I meet you in a future life I will show you no mercy, you will be my sworn enemy’. Freddie, emaciated, tearful and ever desperate to belong, asks Lancaster to reveal to him how and where they’d met in a previous life... He knows it’s bullshit, in the way I knew my father was incapable of loving me, but when you’ve got a Krakatoa sized hole in your heart, you just can’t stop hoping somehow...pledging allegiance to a resplendent asshole is somehow better than our greatest fear; the abyss of loneliness and isolation. Lets face it; freedom is pretty terrifying after such a long stretch of captivity. 

That’s the thing in these Covid times; we always have a choice. We have a choice now, whether to be continue to be afraid or whether to choose freedom. Whether to cut loose and go racing into the desert on a motorbike back to his first love, like Freddie does, following his own destiny, not succumbing to control forces that on the surface entice him into a richer more glamorous life. 

And I’m not talking about being an complete idiot and denying there’s a serious virus still on the loose, or hugging scared people in the street to prove a point, and I’m not denying  that many people are extremely vulnerable - I’m talking about something entirely different; that deep inner decision that calls in all of us - whether to choose the uncharted waters of freedom, or rest in an all-too familiar fear zone. 

To conclude, my dear friend Matilda sent me this book ‘Big Magic - Creative Living By Fear’ by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love (I’ve just watched the film its rather good I think...) Anyway, there’s this great chapter called Fear Is Boring which rang through me, growing up as I did drenched in the anxiety of a Munchausen Syndrome-by-proxy mother (WHOLE other post...) - but here’s what she says about the time, age fifteen, she ‘wised up’ to fear and chose another way: 

“I noticed that my fear never changed, never delighted, never offered a surprise twist or an unexpected ending. My fear was a song with only one note - only one word, actually - and that word was “STOP!” 

Dear reader, I’m shitting myself with the best of them, but I’ve had enough of fear. I’m not stopping. I’m going. What do you say?..... xxxx 

Big love from Christine 

[migleefulmoments]

There, I fixed it for you.

My Manifesto by @ajw720

  Nonnie Anon, fact, I need for D to be is closeted.  People Darren can deny it for the remainder of their his lives life, but it doesn’t his label does make him straight.  And that fact alone-that I do not understand how sexual identification and labels work- is sad and is a total injustice.  But I am going to answer this from the perspective that the closeting is a fact and how was it handled vs. how it could have been handled- aka how my fantasy could have played out.

When I see pics of D from the G/lee days, particularly pre her move, he is precisely what you say, a ball of sunshine. His smile is bright and infectious. He was a bright light, talking for hours about the things he loves. Sigh...I am in love He was young and not jaded by fame nor did he have a private life and love to protect. He was  “straight” was a part of the narrative, but it was a footnote, barely pushed.  Yes, she was in the background, but not in the spotlight. I believed Darren was straight back then so I didn’t pay any attention to questions about his sexuality or his lover. Present to make him straight-because he identifies as straight- but not overbearing. His girlfriend lived across the country and their relationship was new so he didn’t talk about her in interviews. His sexuality was commented on, but not incessantly. in almost every interview he gave in those early years. This is how you handle closeting, you don’t make it a focus and allow the subtly to speak for itself according to me because I’m a closeting expert.  Especially when the individual closeted clearly doesn’t want to hide his/her sexuality, which has been clear from the beginning as he has clearly and consistently said he is straight as early as a 2009 interview. D has done absolutely nothing to suggest he is not straight rebelled against it repeatedly and has attempted on numerous occasions to come out  at least in my head 

That is the version of D that people I fell in love with and that is what i believe is the real my fantasy d. And this fantasy version of D, since Season 4 starting when they moved her to LA, has been almost completely erased, meaning I have to work REALLY SUPER hard to make him seem real.  It happened slowly, the shift and changes were small at first-as one does in a new relationship-, but suddenly she became a part of the conversation, acknowledged as his gf, and by his side constantly-as one does in a relationship as it progresses from first meeting to dating to love They  She not only moved her to LA but put her got a job on the set of G/lee to act as a babysitter because it was in her field and commiserate with her experience.  And concurrent with her move was the introduction of W and the complete public break down of the CC friendship and this is when TPTB  fandom decided it was a good idea to start rumors that C&D hated each other. And then the “I am straight and have a gf” tour happened where he was forced got a little cheesy and decided to bring women on stage every night and sign sing PPG and that awful Pheromones so he could be every girl’s teenage dream and I’m pissed that I wasn’t one of those girls...or a teenager. 

And yes, this is when the questionable behavior began and D took on the straight frat boy douche persona around her because apparently I had not been paying any attention to Darren prior to this time. He wrote Me & My Dick years before this but I didn’t notice.  This is when we stopped getting the real D DAPPERMAN on SM and started getting his team and PBB posting in his name and every time he doesn’t sound like DAPPERMAN, I blame it on his team. This is one way I keep the fantasy Darren alive.  This is when the fandom began its great divide- those that believe that what they see is what they get, who accept Darren for who he is, and who enjoy the glimpses into his life that he shares versus those of us who have created an entirely false narrative that fits our fantasy. Being a ccer is exhausting because nothing Darren does fits our narrative and we constantly have to come up with excuses for why that is. Excuses like TPTB, contracts, his team pretending to be him on his social media, and how he is “forced” to sing songs on tour or say things in interviews or yell at 14 yo kids. Just read this manifesto and you will see all of the things we have to do to see our Darren.  and D was forced to   asked about his sexuality, just like he has been since he started doing interviews for Glee publicly address his . It seems to me that he was asked about his sexuality repeatedly which increased significantly during H/edwig and that sorta makes sense since he has now played two LGBTQ characters in a row and the questions were often asked by journalists whose job it is to actually get answers. Maybe I was just paying more attention to his sexuality because Hedwig was right when I discovered Crisscolfer.

But even during H/edwig - despite the sudden straight push -now 6 years into Darren saying he identified as straight- he was still bright and present (aka gay?).  He did as required, but on stage, at the stage door, in interviews, he was still D.  And then they sent him he went to Italy for 6 weeks to do a movie and during that time the shift happened. When he came back, the PR games were heightened aka Mia quit her job to travel with Darren and open their dream bar and it has only gotten exponentially worse every day that has passed since-at least for me.  She became not just his gf, but the absolute focal point of his public and private life ya know as couples in love tend to do.  This is when it became impossible to be a d fan without seeing her. This is when I became obsessed with hating and bullying Mia. This is when I started stalking her obsessively so that I am sure to see her. The stalking is all good, it’s part of my job to know what she is doing at all times so I can let the fandom know. 

And the problem with M is she is divisive to me and the ccers who are entitled to have a say in Darren’s personal life. She is on record treating fans deplorably even though there is NO record of her treating fans deplorably, I will continue to claim she does without giving any credible evidence this is true.. She made D yell at a 14 year old girl.  Darren is a big boy and 14 yo’s who behavior abhorrent shouldn’t get a pass so he told her off. She thrives on controversy and making D suffer. She sits in the background and lets Darren shine, rarely ever having anything to say when he is working and yet I obsess about what she is thinking and I pretend she really says all of the things I imagine in my jealousy-fueled head.  She has publicly treated him like an ass and has held herself out to be better than him and acts like he should be grateful she is in his life. She has only ever been gracious to fans but I am stark raving jealous and unhinged from reality so I make up all sorts of backstories to photos where Mia is simply standing next to Darren. Oh and I have never met her.  She acts like an elitist instead of being grateful for the very privileged life she lives because he family is filthy rich and her association with D. I’m so fucking jealous. Her friends are bratty and immature and they act like college students on their social media  that have has nothing to do with Darren’s  in life but party around the clock so  I am not sure why her friends matter to me except I’m on a role and I can’t stop. My friends are assholes (hey @flowersintheattic254, hey @cassie1022, hey Leka-1998) who bully a women they don’t even know and I’m still their friend... so maybe Mia’s friends shouldn’t matter to Darren’s fans.  She’s recorded herself rolling a joint in a parked car after a night of recording herself posting a handful of other pics were posted that night showing them having a good time. There was what looked like an alcoholic drink on a photo or two drinking and doesn’t even get reprimanded mooooommmm, MOM! Mia is rolling a joint...don’t touch me,...MOM! Don’t touch me, I’m going to tell mom..MOOOOOOOM! She wore a Tits of Clay band merch boobs shirt to the inaugural EF, an event marketed for families, to embarrass D and pull focus and I know this because she told me remember I make up all sorts of stories when I see a photo.  She claims she wants privacy but their entire public lives are blasted all over SM  I desperately stalk her, following everyone who might ever post a photo of her despite the fact that D has repeatedly stated he craves privacy he doesn’t social media and he is a private person who finds giving up his privacy really difficult and he is an emotional SENTIMENT hoarder I never get that right and has asked her not to post pics one time he told the story that when he was new to Glee, Mia posted a photo of the two of them on her Facebook that he wanted to keep for himself because he loved the photo so much.  She has not respect for him. She has a private Instagram and only posts pics of Darren on her public Snapchat when they go to big public events together. 

And D acts out around her more often than not.  Darren adores her. Add they now have him picking fights with fans on SM over her (we know it is not him but the GA doesn’t).  He pushes back when fans bully his wife. I pretend it isn’t him pushing back but it’s stupid for me to claim it isn’t him when it so clearly is him. If I accept it is him, then I have to think about my own behavior and the cc behavior that drives him to push back. Speaking of his SM, it is an absolutely mess punny and hilarious. This man is insanely intelligent, we all know two or three times he mentioned he has deleted and reposted things due to grammatical errors . and they represent him deplorably, fail to project his voice, and make him look like an asshole I hate punny silly Darren so I rage every time he posts in that voice. The only time I like him is if he is DAPPERMAN- boring, upstanding & polite and formal. 

Then we have the bar. Do not even get me started on the bar because I’m stark raving mad.  I do not understand how anyone can justify it and yet it is popular and people have a great time there.  He is the straight male owner of a bar that glorifies naked women, calls them sluts, names drinks after large breasts, has grotesque names like Period Sex (I WOULD NEVER) and Golden Showers (What is that?), cheap innuendo and theme nights that are beyond derogatory and yet, the more I think about it, that seems exactly like what a straight, male, bar owner would do. If I thought this was him DAPPERMAN and what he loves (as she ignores all of the times Darren has gushed about connecting to people through songs at the bar), I would turn away from him so fast my head would spin because I hate everything about Darren -the man he really is - but I know he is DAPPERMAN and he will come back to me.   Because that bar, that is misogynistic not my style... it makes me very uncomfortable, it’s too sex positive and at times it’s openly queer.  It’s filled with debauchery and I don’t understand it.  Not hating one woman because I am so jealous of her sexual freedom, her lifestyle, her money, her husband... I think she is pure evil even if everybody who knows her, loves her.

And of course, then we have the way he is presented in the press.  D has built a career playing LGBT+ roles.  His three major roles were gay, queer, gay.  And in every print article, we are reminded he is straight, often multiple times because when he first started playing Blaine, there weren’t a lot of straight men playing strong gay characters on TV.  Now we see that representation matters-asking an actor how he identifies during promo for his 3rd straight  LGBTQ role is hardly out of line.  And then they started making him repeatedly state it.  It is awkward and uncomfortable, He has consistently labeled himself as straight since 2009 and there is no evidence to suggest he is not straight but I can’t stop fantasizing. It makes me angry when I am faced with him reminding me he is straight.  It makes him look ungrateful to the community that he used to get ahead and frankly, makes him sound completely insecure.  I don’t like him if he isn’t gay. I don’t care that he never took advantage of the gay community by pretending to be gay or that he has always been a strong ally, all I can see or hear is “I'm straight”.  I want him to be gay and that is all that matters.  Like he can only play queer if he can repeatedly assert he is straight. Absolute mess. I don’t care that by repeatedly asserting he is straight, he is telling the truth, THIS IS ABOUT WHAT I WANT.  MOOOOOOMMMMMM. I dare anyone to find any other straight actor that addresses their sexuality as often.  You won’t find one. (James Franco)

I’m so jealous I can’t see straight and all I see is an unrealistic  And because of this narrative they have weaved, purely to elevate her, and they have torn him down, they have made him look like a straight jerk in love with a spoiled brat woman. I  hate her I hate her I hate her. Mooooommmm!  Sorry, i know i will get  deserve hate, but it is the my truth unrelated to Darren’s reality. And I’m not just a spoiled brat, I’m a hateful one.  There is nothing redeeming about her ME.

Instead they should have gotten him a respectful beard- ME, who was present but not a focus ME and not beaten into our heads that he is straight (isn’t that how beards work?).  They could have sold straight and done it respectfully and in a manner that i could have accepted by me.  No, I am not accepting closeting and i don’t think it is ok, but again, clearly the closeting was demanded by RIB-Ryan an important out, gay activist and F/ox in a contract they signed 9 years ago...when will it end? and if it had to be the narrative it could have been done in a manner that would have allowed D to remain true to himself and that means gay. They could have got a beard that let him be gay.   

And at this point, they just are making things worse and no one is winning anything.(isn’t everyone but Darren winning in this scenario?) They should free D -let him be GAY -and put him ME out of his MY misery because no amount of promo is going to make her famous outside of her stans as long as she has a private instagram account and Darren doesn't tag her or even post her photo. She just isn’t interesting- I am interesting.  This sham fanfiction I wrote has gone on way too long and completely spun out of control -I can’t make heads or tails out of it anymore- and it is NOT doing no one ME any favors except continuing to hide the my truth, the one thing his team I needs and wants, because MY the truth isn’t pretty.

[heroesmusings]

FULL NAME: Clinton Francis Barton 

MEANING: Settlement on a hill

NICKNAME: Clint

MEANING: It’s just a shorter version of his name 

AGE APPEARANCE: Appears 30, actually 33

BIRTHDAY: September 7th, 1987

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Virgo

SPECIES: Human

GENDER: Cis male

ALLERGIES: None

SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Bisexual

THEME SONG(S): Wine Red by The Hush Sound, Raising Hell by Kesha, Church by Fall Out Boy, Angel in Blue Jeans by Train

APPEARANCE

HAIR COLOR:  Dirty Blonde to Brown

HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: Short 

EYES COLOR: Blue

EYESIGHT: 20/20, he’s a BIRD BOY

HEIGHT: 6″3′

WEIGHT: 200 lbs

OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: For missions he wears his uniform but on days off its just jeans and a shirt

ABNORMALITIES: Deaf 

DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): He’s got scars on both ears from the hole to neck, 6 gunshot wounds, knife scars

SELF CARE(MAKE UP): Clint washes his face once in a blue moon and at times has a beard

FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: He’s pretty friendly, a bit on the joking and sarcastic side 

SKIN COLOR: White

BODY TYPE/BUILD: Broad shouldered, a big muscular build 

DEFAULT EXPRESSION: Always a bit of a cocky smirk on his face

POSTURE: He stands with a little bit of more weight on his left side

PIERCINGS: One hole in his left ear

DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: Clint’s voice is a little on the higher end for a man of his stature, it’s a big rugged and can sometimes be a bit slow with a twang 

RELATIONS:

MOM: Edith Barton

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Clint was a momma’s boy, very close to his mother the two had a close bond

DAD: Harold Barton

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: His father was abusive they did not get along at all, Clint was always the problem child

SIBLINGS: Barney Barton

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Before the circus, Barney and Clint were two peas in a pod, they stuck together through it all but after the circus Clint cannot stand his brother

CHILDREN: N/A

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A

OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS: N/A

PAST LOVER(S): Bobbi Morse (ex-wife), Laura (ex-girlfriend), Zelda DuBois [Princess Python] (ex-fling)

CURRENT LOVER: Natasha Romanoff 

REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: Clint likes to find out what makes them tick, so he’s friendly, wants to get on their good side so he’ll know how to take them down if he has to 

ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: he’s…. Alright? He’ll work with people but complain about it in the process

HOW SOCIABLE(LONER,ETC): Clint likes his alone time but he’s pretty sociable 

FRIENDS: Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff, the rest of the avengers team

PETS: Lucky the yellow lab

LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: Anyone who mistakes her shyness for powerlessness 

PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Easy going and easily manipulated  

FAVORITE PEOPLE: Nat, Steve, Wanda

LEAST FAVORITE PEOPLE: Barney, anyone in the Circus of Crimes 

PERSONALITY:

..WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: ? Talkative, Jokester, Obnoxious 

..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Joyful, Teasing, Easy going

..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Cold, Antagonistic, Rude 

FAVORITE COLOR: Purple 

FAVORITE FOOD: anything gross and greasy 

FAVORITE ANIMAL: shockingly not a hawk, he loves dogs

FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: Acoustic guitar 

FAVORITE ELEMENT: Air

LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: White

LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Kale

LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: piranhas

LEAST FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: Trumpet

LEAST FAVORITE ELEMENT: Earth

HOBBIES: watching daytime television, sleeping, knitting, salsa dancing 

USUAL MOOD: Pretty jovial most of the time 

DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Drinks socially 

DARK VERSION OF SELF: Ruthless, unforgiving, blinded by anger

LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: Carefree, the past doesn’t chase him anymore

HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: Not very serious at all, unless it's a dire situation 

BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: No he doesn’t

(IN)DEPENDANT: Pretty independent unless its nat 

SOFT SPOT/VULNERABILITY: Messing with Nat, Talking about his father/home life

OPINION ON SWEARING: He’s got a filthy mouth

DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: DAREDEVIL 

MUSIC TYPE: Soft rock and anything acoustic 

MOVIE TYPE: Any sort of cheesy movie it doesn’t matter the genre 

BOOK TYPE: Clint doesn’t read all that much but maybe fantasy 

GAME TYPE: God ANY GAME, he’s a pro at them all

COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: Clint thrives in any temperature 

SLEEPING PATTERN: Clint sleeps where the fuck ever he can, anytime he can squeeze in a nap? He’s doing it

CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Clint gives no DAMNS about that stuff..

DESIRED PET: More puppies thanks 

HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Sleeping or annoying Nat and Steve

BIGGEST SECRET: After SHIELD fell Clint doesn’t really have any secrets but he hasn’t told anyone his brother was there when the Swordsmen deafened him 

HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: Steve Rogers

WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: a clingy puppy

FEARS: Something happening to Nat 

COMFORTS: Anytime Natasha is around, greasy food, training 

HOW DO THEY ACT WHEN THEY ARE:

SAD: Clint doesn’t like getting sad, so he often gets angry and frustrated when he’s sad. It’s from years of abuse because his father would mock him when he got sad so he doesn’t like getting sad… and at times he just disappears  

HAPPY: Clint is usually pretty happy, so that comes with smiles and jokes mostly. If he teases and jokes with you then he’s in a good mood

ANGRY: Angry clint is usually even more reckless, he doesn’t think he just attacks, he will take no prisoners at all 

AFRAID: Unless it’s Barney, Clint usually likes to face his fears head on -- tackle them right when he can so he can go into things unafraid.

LOVE SOMEONE: SOFT, clint is soft and doting, he loves to spoil and care for in any way he can. He’s protective and can be clingy 

HATE SOMEONE: Clint makes it clear, he doesn’t joke he doesn’t tease or anything. He’s barely even likes to talk to them much less

WANT SOMETHING: Clint goes for it, there has been so much in his life that he’s never been allowed to have -- so now he’s letting himself have what he wants 

CONFUSED: Clint is always confused okay 

HOW DO THEY REACT TO:

DANGER: Clint runs HEAD FIRST INTO DANGER BECAUSE HE’S AN IDIOT 

SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: Clint would think its a joke honestly and when it isn’t a joke he’d avoid them 

PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Clint would be upset that Nat beat him to it because he’s been working on awhile to propose BUT he’d of course say yes and think of the memory fondly 

DEATH OF LOVED ONE: Clint would lose it, he wouldn’t be able to function any longer. He’d become cold and a hermit  

DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: He’d let Tony deal with it. 

INJURY: Clint would fucking laugh it off and act fine. But if it was Nat then he’d be obsessive until she gets help 

SOMETHING IRRESISTABLY CUTE: He’d take a photo and send it to Nat 

LOSS OF HOURS OF WORK: s l e e p

KNOWLEDGE:

LANGUAGES: English, ASL a bit of Russian

SCHOOLING LEVEL: Middle School

FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Clint would rather dIE than tell anyone but he liked math 

INTERESTED CAREERS: N/A.

EXPERTISE: master archer/marksmen, expert tactician, acrobat and hand-to-hand combatant

PUZZLES: clint is SO GOOD AT PUZZLES, he can figure them out quick  

CHEMISTRY: clint likes both human and science. He likes the science part to design more arrows and the human part because he’s very in tune with people and their emotions 

MATH: Clint is WILDLY good at math, he has to be because he doesn’t miss a single shot. Everytime he shoots an arrow he has to include every variable possible 

ENGLISH: clint wasn’t all that interested in it 

GEOGRAPHY: he’s pretty good at it. 

POLITICS/LAW: Clint really isn’t all that into or interested in politics 

ECONOMY/ACCOUNTING: Again not into any of that 

COOKING: Clint can cook cereal and that’s about it 

SEWING: He’s good at basic medical and clothing sewing   

MECHANICS: Yes! He’s pretty good with cars and motorcycles  

BOTANY (FLOWERS): Not at all 

MYTHOLOGY: Looked into it when Thor showed up because Fury asked him too 

DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): He used to be a spy so he’s a good actor  

READING LEVEL: Proficient 

HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: ……...sorry Clint doesn’t know what that means 

ROMANCE:

DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: Yes all the time, anytime he can get his hands on Nat he will 

HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): He thinks he’s smooth but boy’s an idiot and Nat makes his heart race 

GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: Oh Clint has plenty of gentelmany skills

GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: WIth Nat? He wants to take things slow, he doesn’t wanna mess this up 

PROTECTIVE: HELL YEAH 

ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS: Both 

WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY:ANYTHING THAT HE THINKS NAT WILL LIKE, he likes getting her pretty things to wear 

TYPE OF KISSER: Clint likes it soft and sweet or rough and biting there is not in between 

DO THEY WANT KIDS: not until recently  

DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: YES YES 

MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: He’s a fucking fool so both, but he tries REALLY hard to make good choices 

ARE THEY ROMANTIC: yes he’s A SAP

HOW ARE THEY IN BED: Clint really lives to please Nat so he’s fucking great thanks

GET JEALOUS EASY: Nope, he knows that he and Nat are in it for good

WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: NEVER

MARRY FOR MONEY: LMAO NO 

FAVORITE POSITION: Clint loves being choked by her thighs or under her.. He really isn’t it picky as long as he’s with Nat

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: just a day in with Nat and they eat nasty foods together 

OPINION ON SEX: Sex didn’t always mean much to Clint, he used to sleep around often but with Nat it means a lot because there’s an actual connection there with her and he aims to make her feel good and have it be enjoyable

[lesbiansforboromir]

Thots on aragornXboromir? BUT, it's movie!Aragorn and Book!boromir.

I was wONDERING when this ask was gonna come around so lets HAVE AT IT.

Upon just initial consideration, I’m not really for it. Their personalities and compatibility alone don’t seem promising. Boromir and Gondor as a whole is full into dadaistic and nihilistic humour whereas movie!Aragorn seems to take everything so seriously. I feel like Boromir’s sardonic joviality would fall on kinda deaf ears and leave a lot of awkward silences. Meanwhile Boromir just doesn’t find Aragorn’s more intellectual humour very funny. Like! Was he really gonna kill Boromir on top of that mountain? Were you gonna stab Boromir on this mountain in broad daylight, Aragorn. Also could you not have been even mildly less weird when you met film!Boromir in Rivendell like what the fuck was that bit honestly.

Admittedly if it’s book!Boromir we’re adding in here, the dynamic will be changed significantly. No angry outburst at the council, no bitter rejection of Aragorn’s kingship. Boromir remains a reliable, calm and confident leader whilst Aragorn is still umming and arring about whether he wants to be King at all. Which I think would cause a different kind of conflict between them, because Boromir’s fully content to lead or be lead, either one will do. He just needs to know which it is, and whilst book!Aragorn is very very clear who the leader is, film!Aragorn is kinda... soft spoken, quiet and not overly dominant. He’s one of the types who are good at leading but they also don’t like it and avoid it if possible. Which I think would annoy Boromir to no end. 

He tries to lead, and Aragorn disagrees with him or casually undermines his authority without meaning too. He tries to follow, and Aragorn doesn’t step up to fill the role. Gandalf is only partially a leader and Boromir needs STRUCTURE and CLEAR LINES. And since the elf can’t take anything seriously and Gimli thinks himself too young and inexperienced, it has to be one of them! But this wouldn’t really manifest in anything specific, he and Aragorn work alright together most of the time, I’d say it’d just make Boromir annoyed and generally not amenable to any romantic feelings. 

Of course, this changes with the film’s narrative, Aragorn steps up to a more leadership role when Gandalf dies, but if we’re going with canon then we’re very close to Boromir beginning to fall thoroughly under the ring’s control and I don’t think he’d have time or space to appreciate this sudden change. SO LIKE. Just going by likelihoods and chemistry, I don’t think there’s much there. They have a nice friendly manner with each other certainly, and I like the sense of easy teamwork they get in the books, but more than that I can’t see realistically.

Then again... I do really... QUITE like the concept of the ‘Boromir makes Aragorn see his humanity in a different light and Aragorn inspires the hope in Boromir he never imagined he could find again’ themes the film gave us being played out romantically... like I do feel that neat dynamic. Like what better way to scrub Aragorn of his elf fetishism than to have him swoon over literally the least elven man imaginable? He doesn’t realise how much he’d come to value and depend upon Boromir’s girding and pushing presence until he’s gone ect ect

It would have to be in a Boromir!Lives AU, since there really just isn’t the time otherwise, which gives some nice reunion elements to it and-... I am basically planning out a slow burn fic that spans the entire damn story aren’t I. Look I’m not gonna half ass thinking about anything Boromir related.

WITH THAT IN MIND I have other issues with this pairing and, indeed, with any mlm pairing that Aragorn’s given. What do you do with Arwen? If it’s film Aragorn, I suppose he assumes they broke up when he left Rivendell, but does that mean it’s just really goddamn awkward when Arwen arrives to find her fiance’s just gone and found a bear instead? And yes I know, Aragorn has two hands, but I really can’t imagine Boromir being amenable to some kind of poly hinge situation, especially with it being Aragorn, his lawful wife and Queen vs the Steward he keeps as his... secret lover? Boromir’s too proud for that. And I always have issues with mlm ships that get rid of a Lady to make it work. 

And t h e n if I’m being honest and stepping out into the fandom rather than canon for a moment, all the boromir/aragorn fics are... w i l d. Boromir is either a 41 yo stroppy man-child that Aragorn has to top into submission or a rough barbarian who Aragorn ‘tames’. All the fics I’ve seen that try to consider a more complex dynamic still end up just saying ‘Aragorn tops the pride and King-suspicion right out of Boromir’ and like... lmao... ok you’re a numenorean and all Aragorn but dick ain’t that good. And of course it assumes that Boromir’s just automatically distrustful of the Kingship because of pride and power hunger alone which is false on literally every possible level, including the premise itself. Boromir doesn’t gIVE a shit about Aragorn being King, he doesn’t care! They’re all about to die he really doesn’t care, Aragorn can wield a cool sword and is willing to help OK great lets gooooo.

... SO. YEAH. As with everything about Boromir, I have mixed feelings and a lot of opinions, but here with this one thing I think I’m pretty much against it. Merry/Boromir and Gimli/Boromir are way better fellowship ships in my opinion. 

[gazzhowie]

My Top 25 Movies of 2020.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year. This time for 2020. That funny old year, huh? Where - if some are to be stupidly believed - “no films got released because of the pandemic”.

I thought I was done with this after 12 years and concluding with my Top 25 of the decade effort and yet here I am. Back rather egotistically because 2 people told me how much they look forward to reading this. Go figure! Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc. Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

Setting my stall out straight away, Steve McQueen’s Small Axe was very much TV to me and won’t get ranked within my film listing. I loved two of the efforts a great deal (Education and Mangrove), liked two but found them lacking (Red, White & Blue and Alex Wheatle) and did not get what everyone else seems to from the other (Lover’s Rock).

In terms of documentaries this year, I thought Frank Marshall did a fabulous job with The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart; a comprehensive study of the personal complexities and professional excellence of an incredibly underappreciated band. I found On The Record to be a difficult but inspiring watch and its background ‘politics’ exposed the hypocrisy of Ava DuVernay and Oprah Winfrey in a manner we’re not talking loud enough about. Hitsville: The Making of Motown was an extensive, lovely historical tribute to an era and a style of music, full of great tunes and equally great talking head anecdotes. And finally Belushi managed to find fresh angles and previously untold stories about one of the most mythologised comedy stars of all time, simply by pulling the man to the forefront ahead of his talents.

For dramas, I enjoyed Trial of the Chicago 7 a great deal and am an absolute sucker for the work of Aaron Sorkin but bad casting (Eddie Redmayne) and stunt casting (Sacha Baron Cohen) hurt this film. I’m a sucker for a disaster movie and Pål Øie made an incredibly entertaining one with the Norwegian high-melodrama, The Tunnel. Edward Norton’s long-gestating Motherless Brooklyn was a solid, old-fashioned PI yarn with some great casting to back it up. It’s the most alive Bruce Willis has been in years and it served to remind you that Alec Baldwin can be quite the terrific actor when he’s not being an utter joke of a human. I liked The Vast of Night a great deal when in the throes of watching it but liked it less in the aftermath. Cut Throat City was the underrated dramatic gem of the year in a lot of ways and showed that RZA has a great deal of skill as a legit filmmaker, when not being caught up in the ‘gimmicks’. O.G finally landed here via Sky Atlantic of all places, rather than any sort of VOD release, and it was an enthralling drama that served to remind us all how brilliant Jeffrey Wright can be when not overacting to the point of cringe or being stuck with really terrible writing (hello, TV’s Westworld!).

With the blockbuster season at the cinema all but dead from the outset, the joys of the action genre were to be found in the little b-movies tucked away on streaming platforms and VOD. Quick notable exceptions were The Outpost which was a reminder that Rod Lurie can deliver a hell of an action sequence, blighted by truly awful film-damaging casting and Extraction which was a well-directed derivative piece of hokum. Donnie Yen delivered an earnest, entertaining end to one of the surprise action franchises of the last decade with IP Man 4 that not even Scott Adkins could fuck up. Hack director Deon Taylor accidentally delivered Black and Blue; a pretty good ode to the ‘man on the run’ non-stop action thrillers of the 80s and 90s – with Naomi Harris killing it in the lead role. Netflix tucked away two of the greatest b-movie actioners of 2020 with The Decline (a ‘Doomsday Preppers’ training camp goes horribly wrong) and Earth & Blood (a sawmill owner uses his place of work as a battleground to take on the cartel). And, finally, the Ma Dong-seok (aka Don Lee) Taken rip-off Unstoppable arrived to streaming and turned out to be vastly superior to all of the films it was a knock-off of.

It was a great year for horror, especially if you were open to the sort of scares you were after. Sea Fever didn’t stick the landing but delivered an ace sense of foreboding and tension building for the most part. Harpoon was a sneakily nasty, surprisingly engrossing, violent little film. VFW was a lot of fun but nowhere near as good as its concept and cast suggested it was going to be. It’s also been subsequently marred by the stories coming out of its production and the revelations about Fred Williamson. I thought Come To Daddy was an absolute gift of a horror comedy that kept swerving whenever you thought you had a handle on where it was going. And Elijah Wood continues to show himself to be an American national treasure. After Midnight was an intriguing relationship drama with a horror bent and You Should Have Left, the Stir of Echoes reunion we’ve all long sought, would work as an off-kilter double-bill with it. Kevin Bacon is brilliant in it. Vampires Vs The Bronx is a totally disposable but immensely fun ode to The Lost Boys and The Monster Squad that’ll serve you well on a lazy Saturday night. Black Water: Abyss was a really good little creature feature with a ridiculous ending that infuriates. And Train To Busan: Pennisular was a pretty shit Train to Busan sequel but an immensely entertaining post-apocalyptic zombie action movie.

Onwards is worth mentioning for the fun and moving animated ride it initially presents as but, like too much Pixar nowadays, it does not hold up to repeat viewing.

Comedy-wise, I thoroughly enjoyed Bill & Ted Face The Music but thought its gag-rate was far too hit and miss for it to take a place on the top spot. Buffaloed was a kind of “M’eh” blue-collar Wolf of Wall Street with yet another fantastic ‘How the fuck isn’t she a huge star already’ turn from Zoey Deutch. Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made was a quirky out-of-leftfield oddity that me and my eldest son enjoyed a great deal. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga was not the travesty you would’ve thought it’d be, mainly because of Rachel McAdams, but if Will Ferrell had just leaned a little harder towards his more absurdist style of humour (the killer fairy shit for example?) this could have been so much more. Finally, the second Borat film had some utterly majestic moments of cringe-comedy that make it worthy of a mention but the mechanics of joke-execution and faked set-pieces were far more on show this time around.

And now, if you’re still hanging in there that is, here is my actual Top 25 films of 2020…

25. Skyfire

I don't know whether it's because I’ve been starved of my usual 'Summer Silly Season' this year but I absolutely fucking LOVED this. It's the stupidest, most ridiculous, relentlessly bonkers "Jurassic Park - but with volcanos" fare you could ask for. I have no idea what the fuck Jason Isaac is doing in this but I’m so glad he is because it just adds to the glorious WTF-ery of it all. It's 30 minutes of mechanical lay-up followed by 60 minutes of non-stop, audacious carnage. It's been a long time since me and my wife have had this much fun watching something.

24. Bad Education

Dropped exclusively to Sky Cinema here, this is a great little film that has a shocking true story at its centre. Hugh Jackman and Allison Janney are absolutely terrific. Both of them are the sort of talents who've been in bad movies but never ever given a bad performance regardless.

Here both Jackman and Janney are having a ball with the material and they elevate a very good film into something that demands to be seen.

23. Blood Quantum

This was definitely one of the first-class b-movie horrors of the year for me. It does wonders on screen with very little AND it gives a shot in the arm to the zombie subgenre. It leads you into thinking you're getting yet another zombie-breakout film before expertly wrongfooting you into growing into something else. It's a Native American NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD meets MAD MAX!

22. Bad Boys For Life

This was a first-rate blast, it really was. From the inexplicable reusing of the 'Simpson/Bruckheimer' production card to the reworking of Mark Mancina's original theme, it draws you straight back to that 1990s blockbuster vibe. It's not just very funny and stacked with some pretty decent action sequences but, rather bizarrely, it actually has something interesting to say about ageing and masculinity... because nowadays Joe Carnahan is killing it when it comes to introspective recalibrations on what it means to be a man. If you were to spoil this movie for someone and reveal what the "twist" is it would sound like the stupidest, hokiest shit ever. And yet inexplicably they make it work. And furthermore, Martin Lawrence goes from the tag-along in this franchise to the platinum level MVP here. The entire final third is held up higher by his insanely good line delivery ("Would you fuck a witch without a condom?") and it's most likely how he plays shit as to why that stupid, hokey plot twist works as well as it does.

Over the course of three separate decades each BAD BOYS entry has, in itself, served to be a somewhat accidentally perfect reflection of the very cinematic decade it landed in: The first is possibly one of the last to truly and wholeheartedly successfully land that perfect marriage between the 'MTV era' and the blockbusters; bringing about the boom of the "music video director as filmmaker" that the 1990s became well known for. The second was a pitch perfect reflection of the gratuitous, often empty-headed, completely excessive pop culture period we were birthing in the 2000s. And the third lands now, right in the very time period where masculinity is being put under a spotlight and men are being asked to be more self-reflective about themselves and their conduct.

With that said, the fourth will obviously therefore land sometime in 2029 and deal with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence wandering a pandemic-ravaged Miami wasteland.

21. Wolfwalkers

This is one of the most lovely, visually wondrous, sumptuous animated films you'll experience this year. Or in quite some time, actually. It’s not just a great adventure film but it’s also a really effective ‘message’ movie that manages to teach about tolerance and friendship along with the perils of fear-mongering, without ever being overly preachy.

20. An American Pickle

This was one of the surprises of the year for me; I THOUGHT I was getting a quirky Seth Rogen fish-out-of-water comedy and instead I got that... with a massive dollop of heart, humour and interesting things to say about legacy and 'cancel culture'. I liked it a lot. It's also further evidence of how intriguing a talent Seth Rogen is becoming; jumping between broad commercial fare and original off-kilter stuff like this, producing and developing fascinating projects for film and TV and working to pass the ladder back down to others too.

19. Get Duked

I say this with only a modicum of bias as I know someone who worked a little bit on this film but this was genuinely brilliant - the absolute laugh-out-loud delight we all need right now. At the time I watched this I don’t think I’d smiled in nearly a fortnight but this broke through with me. Its wrap-up is a little too silly for its own good but that aside, this thing is absolutely stuffed with some TRULY great gags! This is one of the best comedies of the year for me.

18. Host

I had been giving this the big ol' swerve because it sounded like unoriginal, overhyped pish frankly and... fuck it, if that hype isn't absolutely deserved: It's a lean, effective, scary incredibly enjoyable ride. Made all the more fascinating by the fact it was made remotely on a shoestring with the director apparently never being in the same room as his cast at any one time due to Covid restrictions.

NB: I could not find a GIF to represent Rob Savage’s Host sufficiently so here’s Jack Black doing a backyard pandemic dance instead... 

17. Sweetheart

What a crackin, lean, little horror thriller it is. It gets straight underway from its fade-up and never overcooks itself or leans hard on lazy exposition, silly character actions or bad deus ex machinas. Remember when Jonathan Mostow made BREAKDOWN and it felt like such a shot in the arm for the man-against-the-odds/standard thriller? This is like that - but for survival dramas and creature features! It commits fully to its high concept, helped along by a truly excellent performance by Kiersey Clemons and some really well-delivered set-pieces (that first flare scene is very well done!). If you watched Tom Hanks in CASTAWAY and thought to yourself "This film is great but what it really needs is a monster!" then this is definitely the film for you. And if you believe the rumours, it’s allegedly a sneaky Creature From The Black Lagoon redo for Blumhouse’s expanding ‘Monster Universe’ too.

16. Soul

I really connected with this. I like Inside Out a great deal but I’ve never understood why it's spoken of as a flawless masterpiece when it's overlong, tonally all over the place and has clunky as fuck casting. In the same breath, I don't understand why the reviews for this are so disparate. I thought it was a wonderful way to spend 100+ minutes. It was visually inventive, funny and inspiring. It doesn't quite seed its VERY deep otherworld-building foundations and Graham Norton doesn't really work in his role but overall I thought it was a delight. And, unlike Onwards, it really does lend itself to repeat visits.

15. Tenet

I had real trepidation about seeing this what with the reviews being all over the place but... well... Is it complete, barely comprehensible bunkum of the highest order? Yes. Could the film have benefited from Nolan letting his brother Jonathan have a pass at the script? Hell yes! Is it most definitely not the majestic masterpiece of masterpieces it thinks it is? Yup. Yet in spite of ALL that I had an absolute blast with it, I really did. If you give it a seconds thought it crumbles completely as the utter egotistical piffle it really is. But where it excels is in looking so gorgeous, being so kinetic and massive with its action and casting with actors who sell the shit out of a hokey script that you're so consumed with the spectacle you don't smell the bullshit until its over. Washington Jr has come out of nowhere these last few years to make me a big fan of his work - and Robert Pattinson has went from being an actor I couldn't fucking abide to being someone I now really rate and who I came away from watching this thinking "Yeah, that's your goddamn perfect James Bond right there!"

14. Da 5 Bloods

It works infinitely better as a 'men on a mission' action adventure shot through the off-kilter lens of a Spike Lee "joint" then it does as a searing commentary about race, war, etc. And that's probably why Spike's choice to include real war atrocity photos and documentary footage alongside the narrative doesn't land as successfully as he probably intended it to. But as an overall film, it's a genuinely great watch. Delroy Lindo has always been one of the greatest working actor. Here he perhaps delivers his ultimate masterclass. Regardless of whether awards season moves online or not, you cannot have any SERIOUS dialogue during it that doesn't have his performance heading the conversation. Ignore the dickheads online putting this in the same bubble as TROPIC THUNDER or DIE HARD (??). This is a wink and a nod to TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE and APOCALYPSE NOW, through and through. It's big, bombastic, broad and unafraid to swing out in every direction. It's not flawless but that doesn't mean it's not fuckin ~great~!

13. His House

This very much stands as both one of the most impressive debuts and modern horror movies I’ve seen in quite some time. It's an effective, lean, interesting film that buries under your skin and takes up residency there. Go into it knowing as little as you possibly can and then let it scare the shit out of you and, in its reveals, kick the shit back into you.

12. Tread

I really, REALLY liked this. It's my favourite documentary film of this year - made by that fella who did the bonkers-bad killer dog in the warehouse movie with Adrian Brody, no less! It's an absolutely fascinating true story I knew nothing about, brilliantly intermingling talking heads, archival news footage, dramatic reconstruction and audio recordings. It'll really drop your jaw - it's most definitely one of those 'needs to be seen to be believed' type deals because if you described this to someone as having happened they'd never believe you!

11. Bacarau

No plot description really does this film justice and the less you know going in the better an experience you’ll have. It’s an odd, deeply violent, unsettling, darkly funny, bizarro confection of The Most Dangerous Game meets Assault on Precinct 13 and… well… even that doesn’t really do the film any justice whatsoever. It’s a critique of dire political circumstance mixed with political satire mixed with the tropes of the Western, the siege movie and both horror and comedy. It’s very much its own thing. And that’s what makes it so wonderous.

... and it’s sort of both wondrous AND weird that when searching for Bacarau related GIFs, this was the Brazilian offering I was given! I apologise.

10. Alone

I found this came out of nowhere to be one of my favourite films of the year; a crazily efficient, brutal B-movie without an inch of fat on it that works its propulsive and well-structured screenplay hard to make you feel like you're seeing a new variant on the "stalked woman in peril" film. John Hyams - son of Peter and the man who reconfigured the UNIVERSAL SOLDIER franchise to superb effect - has made one hell of an effective movie that beautifully captures the vastness of the Pacific Northwest: this is one part DUEL, one part FIRST BLOOD, all parts odes to everything from THE GREY, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and the last third of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. It's very easy to make films like this. But it's clearly hard to make them as great as Hyams has done here, otherwise everyone would be doing it. Maybe coz what those films don't have is lead performances as strong and brilliant as Jules Willcox and Marc Menchaca give here.

9. American Murder: The Family Next Door

This is an incredibly powerful true crime documentary on a horrific tragedy, in which Jenny Popplewell tightly and clinically weaves through police interviews, news coverage and Shanann Watts' phone, laptop and social media to weave a moving and ultimately devastating portrait of her and her children's death at the hands of one of the worst forms of evil I’ve ever been exposed to. This still haunts me to this day.

8. Greyhound

I was really impressed with this. A crisp, lean, tension-drenched watch with yet another rock solid Tom Hanks performance centring it. It strips back all the tropes of these war pictures - the character backstories about post-war hopes and dreams, the cutaways to the families back home, the subplots involving the villains - and keeps a propulsive commitment to just this situation, this boat and the people on it; who only talk to one another about the job they're doing. As a result, it's completely involving and committed with action set-pieces that are clean, tense and entertaining as hell. Genuinely had a great time watching this and highly recommend it.

7. #Alive

Whilst the TRAIN TO BUSAN sequel earned rightfully shakey reviews, think of this as an unofficial prequel / 'side-sequel'. It is a tight, disciplined thrill-ride that throws up some interesting spins on old zombie set-pieces (climbing zombie vs. toy drone, for example). It may well deflate as it heads to its denouement but all before it was strong and entertaining enough for it to stand as one of his favourite horrors from this year.

6. The Invisible Man

This started good... then got very good... then got quite frankly flat-out tremendous and then entered a final third flipping anyone the 'bird' who thought that the trailers gave too much away. There is some truly tremendous, inventive and not at all 'cheap' jump scares. In fact, the whole second act is nothing else BUT terrifically effective scare after scare. All bolstered by a REALLY committed lead performance by Elizabeth Moss. Between this and UPGRADE, Leigh Whannell has not only become seriously one to watch but he's possibly just outed himself as John Carpenter's one-true heir.

5. Lynn + Lucy

I was left completely broken by this - what a truly fantastic piece of British cinema; a dark, uncompromising morality play for the modern age with a truly jaw-dropping performance by Nicola Burley. And, Jesus Christ, what an unbelievable find Roxanne Scrimshaw is?? THIS is her acting debut? Holy SHITBALLS! It's harrowing stuff that'll really make you think.

4. Parasite

This really is absolutely ~everything~ people are claiming it to be and more too! It's an exquisite piece of work, in love with the art of spinning out a story, narrative layers, sociological parables and effortlessly terrific direction. It builds and builds in an utterly enthralling manner and then... the pressure valve pops, taking you down a whole other audacious avenue that'll have you giggling at the insanity but still completely hooked.

3. Uncut Gems

It’s alright been memed and GIF’d to death but that doesn’t change the fact that it really is an astounding film - it's completely exhausting and quite honestly one of the most anxiety-inducing films I’ve seen in a long, long time. Even on multiple go-arounds, I found myself screaming at the screen, begging Adam Sandler's character to just fucking STOP for five seconds and... and... it's inescapable as to the direction down in which it heads but it goes there at such a propulsive rate, it is actually scary. An absolutely astounding film - it's like a John Cassavetes film shot with the adrenaline drawn from a Michael Bay action movie... and believe every bit of the buzz: Adam Sandler is jaw-droppingly fucking excellent in this!

2. Wolf of Snow Hollow

I thought this was a complete delight. Once again Jim Cummings has taken a film 'type' you THINK you know and infused it with his own very specific sense of humour to give us something that's very much delightfully off-kilter. What's more, as a sophomore directing effort, Cummings deserves all the plaudits for the massive advancement: There's action scenes and scary set-pieces that are really first rate and are way more accomplished than what you'd expect from someone only on their second movie and have never worked in the horror genre before. Cummings is REALLY funny in the lead role too but it's Robert Forster's final performance that'll break your heart. He was a hard miss anyway but this very much drives home what a great guy we've lost.

1.     The Way Back

Gavin O'Connor has hit the trifecta with this, Miracle and Warrior on making a masterful sports drama and using it as a platform to 'say something' and draw a career best from a talented but under-appreciated actor (first Kurt Russell, then Nick Nolte and now Ben Affleck).

Affleck is astounding here. Fallible, real and pained. He's truly brilliant. There’s a realism to every movement he makes and every breath he exhales that only someone who has struggled with addiction will recognise. And around him is a deconstruction of the sporting underdog movie as we know it - it's only by the end that we truly realise that this has always been about the connections made through the game rather than the game itself.

Like with Warrior, you can go back and watch this umpteen times and find different strokes in the human and unspoken moments. If ever there was a secretly feel-good film for 2020 it is this – the movie that tells us that it doesn’t matter how hard or how far we fall, we are defined only by the moments in which we rise again.

And that’s that. See you all next year. Maybe ;) 

[revolutionary-pirate]

Historical Figure Tag Game

Tagged by: @little-lion-rampant  and @sonofhistory Thanks for the tags!!  1. Who’s your historical person?

I honestly... don’t have one? I like too many people? But the first that come to mind are Richard Kidder Meade (because that’s who I’m known for and am writing a biography for) and John Paul Jones (because that’s who I last read about and am basing my graduation project on). I mostly think in groups, though. The Aides-de-camp and the Continental Navy are my historical faves in general. My bio on Meade is just a part of my grand project to one day complete a full and fleshed out account of all of Washington’s aides-de-camp (especially the lesser known ones). I suppose I’ll simultaneously talk about Richard Kidder Meade and John Paul Jones cuz I can’t decide between the two. [I’m probably one of the only people on earth that knows Meade well enough to do something like this for him now that I think about it xD]

2. What is it about them that draws you to them like a magnet?

For Meade, it’s his obscurity. He’s a mystery. There isn’t a whole lot about him out there, but a lot more than I was lead to believe there might be. But even despite everything I know about him, It’s hard to know him. I can tell you what he was involved in, but I can’t tell you what he specifically did while involved with it or why he became involved at all. I can’t tell you what he thought about things and what was going on 98% of the time. I can speculate about his beliefs and reasons all day by looking at the people he surrounded himself with, but, in the end, I still know nothing because They’re not Him. I might know his story but it’s impossible to actually know him and that is frustrating as all hell. He’s A puzzle that’s missing 90% of its pieces. John Paul Jones is one of the most mythologized figures of the American Revolution, second only to George Washington himself. He is also a magnet for misfortune. I’m a sucker for tragedies and rags to riches underdog stories and Jones is both of those things at once. He was able to rise above his circumstances to fame and riches but plummeted back down into obscurity - never achieving his life goals. He’s also a walking contradiction, a man always at war with himself, who he was vs his ideal image of himself and who he wants to be and I find that to be fascinating. The misfortunes of his life also draw my attention. So many things went wrong in his life and looking at the whys is simultaneously fascinating and frustrating. To tangibly see how he changed over time because of these failures, wrongs, and slights is an intriguing study. His life, in general, is just interesting and dynamic to me. There are constant highs and lows and you never know just what to expect when first reading about him.

3. Favorite thing about them?

My favorite thing about Meade has to be his kindness, patience, consideration, and genuineness that’s balanced perfectly by a dry/condescending sense of humor that I wish there were more examples of. My favorite thing about John Paul Jones has to be his persistence. In the face of repeated slights and backstabs, he kept pressing forward. He believed so much in his vision and in the cause of the Revolution that he refused to hesitate or back down in the face of his misfortunes. His endless pursuit of a better version of himself and his attempts to correct his flaws sits in the same vein as that. Every time he stumbled and reverted back to his incredibly flawed self, he picked up and tried again. Granted, a part of his persistence lies in the fact that he wanted to be remembered for something. “My desire for fame is infinite” he once wrote. He wanted fame because without it? He was no one. He was a Scottish servant boy living a false life under a false name and trying to be someone the world told him he couldn’t be. So he had to be persistent in order to stay ahead of the looming fear that he would die a forgotten man.

4. Least favorite thing about them?

My least favorite thing about Meade would be the fact that he owned slaves, but that feels like a cop-out answer to me. So another one of my least favorite things about him is that he hardly ever wrote things down. He seems like he never wrote about his opinions on paper if he could avoid it. Too many times have I read what was, in essence, “I’ll talk about it when I see you next.” He was incredibly prudent when it came to the written word, knowing that there was always a chance that a letter could be intercepted or read without his consent. He also, admittedly, wasn’t a fan of writing letters. So, he either kept his opinions to himself or only voiced them in private conversation. This, of course, means that I know next to nothing about his opinions, beliefs, and experiences. Then again, not many of his letters have survived in general. Some of the ones that I have found were lengthy and honest, like his letter to Hamilton in January of 1781. Or his letters to Theodorick Bland and his brother, Everard after the battle of Great Bridge. The latter two, however, were written before he was acquainted with the intrigues and politics of war and the former was written after he’d already left the army and wasn’t sure he’d ever see Hamilton again. So it can be argued that his prudence extended only to his time as an aide-de-camp. Regardless. He rarely wrote things down and I hate it. But the slave thing again. If Meade could fucking afford to give away so much of his money to charity and to help all the poor and needy in his community and lived like he himself was poor and made everything on-site instead of purchasing it, he probably could have fuckin afforded to manumit his slaves and then hire them to work for him if he was so concerned about them finding work in Virginia or getting forced back into slavery by some asshole who decided to claim they were a runaway. I don’t care that he never made them do anything that he himself wasn’t prepared to do alongside them and that he continued to work with them every day until his body started to fail him - he still fuckin owned them. That’s not cool. The least he could have done was tell his wife to manumit them when she died (she wrote in her will that the slaves were to be allowed to choose which of the children they wanted to go to. I have no idea which they chose. Hopefully, it was one of the kids that went on to free slaves and be an abolitionist). He treated his slaves so well that his daughter, Anne, didn’t realize slavery was a disgusting institution until she married a man who owned 400 which is, like, bravo on Meade’s part for being so great to his 19 but also somehow shittier because his kids didn’t think that there was much of anything wrong with the institution and he never taught them otherwise. Meade was an abolitionist(TM) and needed to be an Abolitionist.

My least favorite thing about John Paul Jones is his Brittle Ego and the fact that he got to a point where he stopped making friends and only took lovers because he could no longer trust anyone. He had felt betrayed so many times that he gave up on people ever being genuine with him and that’s just... it’s sad. He got so paranoid and convinced that everyone was out to get him that he pushed everyone away because of it. The only person he ever trusted, the person he considered to be his best and only friend... betrayed him and turned his back on him (and it wasn’t even his only betrayal. Jones never learned that his ‘friend’ was a British Spy feeding the enemy all of Jones’s plans and schemes from the beginning and was probably never his friend at all) and that was one of the last straws for Jones. Even the people who were genuine with him ended up hurting him in some way and he was unable to forgive them for it. Even if what they did was an effort to look out for him, was something outside of their control, or was just them trying to do what was best for him, he saw it as a complete and utter betrayal. Like it was them turning their backs on him just like everyone else. It was that tendency of his that I hate. His fragile ego, large but haphazardly built. He was insecure, constantly in need of validation, and always spinning the story in his favor in an effort to save face. He was constantly complaining about this thing or that thing (he also offered solutions to those things he was complaining about that everyone ignored because they didn’t care) and he was honestly an exhausting human being to be around at times. The thing about him, though, is that he was aware of that. He was aware of his faults and he was sickened by them but, try as he might, he could not overcome them. Benjamin Franklin once wrote him a scathing letter telling him to shape up and get over himself. Jones was hurt by it at first, but he ultimately took it to heart and tried. Tried so fucking hard because Franklin was like a father to him and he trusted his judgment... but he'd always end up back at square one: hurt, tired, miserable, brooding, and alone with all of his inner demons. Jones needed to stop blaming everyone for things that were outside of their control, blaming other people for things that were his fault, give credit where credit was due, and calm the fuck down and learn to let some things go. (And he tried. tried all of those things. made efforts to do all of those things... but people made that pretty difficult when they didn’t return the favor).

5. If you could fix one thing for them?

The one thing that I would fix for Meade would be him getting to see Alexander Hamilton at least one more time before both of them died. Ideally, they’d get to see each other frequently... if not all the time. The Meades and the Hamiltons would get to go on double dates together like they joked about. Anne and Philip would get together and maybe even get married someday like they hoped they would. Betsy and Molly would get to be best friends. I, just, UGH. I think about those letters all the time and I just want a happy Hamilton and Meade post-war friendship just like the one that they dreamed they could have. Gaaaaah. For Jones, I just want him to be happy. John Paul Jones x Happiness is one of my OTPs. So I'd give him a ship - a fast ship, not a crank ship like all the ones Congress gave him, but a fast ship to sail into harm’s way with and that ship would come with his best first lieutenant, John Rathbun. His perfect balance. The man was a skilled First Lieutenant who knew what he was on about, smoothed out all of Jones’ harsh edges, calmed Jones’ temper when it began to rise, and also served as the perfect mediator/buffer between a captain like Jones and his crew without ever putting Jones’ authority into question. I’d make sure that, no matter what, Jones never lost Rathbun again because while Rathbun was there... Jones was happy. So if I can’t give him a ship... I would still give him Rathbun and, through Rathbun, Jones would have a mostly cooperative, loyal, and content crew and that’s all I ask for. Jones reflected that the happiest time of his life was when he was sailing aboard the Providence with Rathbun and their crew, which was the best he’d ever had, and I just want him to have that back. 

6. If you could change their history, would you? If so, what?

This question is pretty in-line with the previous one. Are we talking about childhoods? I’m going to assume childhoods as being like their ‘history’. With Meade, nothing comes immediately to mind. I don’t really know enough about his childhood, really. But with Jones, I would change the fact that his father locked him inside of a glorified shed with no explanation or real reason to do so aside from wanting to make a sarcastic jab at their master about symmetry? Like, what the fuck? Little J.P. Jr. did nothing wrong??? He had no idea why his dad did that to him??? He was so confused????

If we’re talking about life in general. I would tell Jones that he needed to be nice to John Adams and that John Adams was not, in fact, out to get him like he was convinced he was. And then I would tell John Adams that he needed to be nice to Jones and that Jones was not, in fact, plotting against him like he was convinced he was. And then I would make them be friends so that they could build a navy together because they were pretty much the only two people in the entire god damn country that gave a shit about building a Navy in America and if they would have just, you know, worked together maybe Jones would have achieved his dream of playing a part in America becoming the naval power of the world in the near future and of becoming an admiral. WhICH IS ANOTHER THING? The fucking Jackass!!!! The guy who was #1 on the Navy commission list!! James Nicholson! That Asshat who did nothing to deserve or maintain that position!! I would prevent him from learning that Jones was lobbying to be made Admiral of the Continental Navy (which was a rank still unassigned) so that he wouldn’t be able to walk into congress one day, tell them not to do it because Jones was x.y.z. and causing Congress to nope the fuck out of there because they didn’t want to be caught in the middle of a feud between captains. And then maybe give Jones a commission as Admiral. But, in the end, the way it worked out was probably for the best? Because Jones probably would have made for a shitty Fleet Admiral. He did not have the temperament for it. But it’s what he wanted? So now I’m torn. John Barry was a better option than him, really (which is why Barry became the first Admiral of the U.S. Navy) Regardless, changing history is a no no in any situation because the ripple of those changes may cause some unforeseen changes down the line. So. yeah.

7. First thing you would say to them?

I’d probably say a greeting of some sort. Break the ice. Work my way to becoming a level 4-6 friend so that I can unlock their tragic backstories and gain access to the inner working of their minds. Learn about all of their hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties, desires, etc. from their own mouths and learn why they did the things they did and all of the fun stories. 

8. Bring them to 2017 with you... what does that look like?

With Meade? I honestly have no idea what that would look like. With Jones? He’d be thrilled that the US has the navy of his dreams, the naval academy of his dreams, the everything about the navy of his dreams because someone finally believed in him. Also, I’d tell Jones it’s okay to be Bi in 2017.

9. What WOULDN’T you tell them about the future?

I wouldn’t tell Meade that I’m writing a biography about him, that would be uncomfortable and awkward. I wouldn’t tell Jones that it took almost 200 years for America to appreciate him and that his fear of being forgotten and dying in obscurity came true. All he needs to know is that he’s a naval hero now.

10. Favorite story about them.

Meade was worried that his trusty black mare wouldn’t be able to hold up to the more rigorous riding duties his new station as aide-de-camp required of him. He decided that he would need another horse to rely on for sudden riding missions that required speed just in case because he didn’t want to push her too far. So in September of 1777, he asked his brother to send him one of his younger horses and requested a specific one that he believed should be good for the job, but then it takes almost a year for him to get this horse and he wrote his brother a couple times being like “...horse??????” When he finally got news that a man would be arriving with his requested horse in July of 1778, he got super excited and was anticipating the man and the horse’s arrival every hour. The horse finally arrived but it was injured/lame and sickly. He then spent time nursing this horse back to full health and taking care of it and it’s injuries himself until they were healed. Meade was not impressed with this new horses’ attitude, though. He ended up sticking with his trusty black mare, who had been able to get him out of many dangerous pinches with ease despite his former fears that she wouldn’t be able to handle it while he’d been waiting for the younger one to arrive. After years of war together, his old mare was handling the rigors of his position as aide-de-camp just fine so he continued to stick with her until the end of the war.

One of my favorite stories about Jones is the fact that he was the most wanted man in all of England and he just... walked into London? The guy he was traveling with was like “...I don't think this is a good idea. You know that everyone in England wants to see you hang, right?” And Jones was like “Well I have some secret letters to deliver to John Adams and I think I'll be quite alright.” So the guy reluctantly agreed and dropped Jones off in England.... and no one recognized him. The newspapers had distorted the image of “The Pirate” John Paul Jones so much that when the real man walked into London undisguised not a single person recognized who he was. They didn’t even realize he’d been there until he’d already left and arrived safely in France.

11. Reblog with a picture or painting or depiction of them.

There is nothing depicting Meade that has survived to this day (and potentially nothing ever made depicting him at all. Which is weird because both his older and younger brother had portraits done when they were 8-9 years old), but here’s a portrait of Jones painted in 1904 by Cecilia Beaux. His waist coat was actually White, not red. But I still really like it.

And here’s a copy of the bust of John Paul Jones made in 1780 that was the closest to capturing his likeness of anything else ever made of him during his lifetime and is the only thing that he was 100% satisfied with and wanted to flaunt to everyone. In the early 1900s, we were able to use the copy of the bust that he’d gifted to Jefferson to compare with his mummified corpse in order to confirm that the body they’d dug up from underneath a laundry mat in Paris was, in fact, John Paul Jones.

I’d tag others but I’m pretty sure that everyone I’d like to tag has either already done it or has already been tagged to do it. If you want to do it and haven’t been tagged, then feel free to claim that I tagged you and have at it! 

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #245

“Deerheart vs DN”

-Le next morning-

[Lie] - CP... We have to get up

[CP] - Nope

[Lie] - CP, I have animals to tend to

[CP] - Call Steffan over chat and have him do it

[Lie] Manages to turn so she's looking at her husband- That deletion...  It really scared you, didn't it...

[CP] Shifts uncomfortable but his wife knows it's a confirmation-

[Lie] Runs her hand through his hair- It's alright, he can't get you here.  Deleting your mobs drew the attention of Microsoft so Jeb was actually able to get us his identification number.  Doc has black listed him, he cannot get you here

[CP] - Lie...  He threatened to go after Stevie next...

[Lie] - Oh...

[Steve] Taps on the door with TLOT standing behind him-

[Lie] Yells from bedroom- Come in!

[Steve] Squeaks the door open - You guys decent?

[Lie] - Yeah, just a little stuck in bed

[TLOT] My favorite place.

[Steve] Scoots into the room sheepishly. He looks ready to run-

[CP] - What do you fuckers want?

[TLOT] Just to tell you we're glad you're all better. And... make a delivery.

[CP] - A delivery?

[Steve] Pulls out a huge stack of papers and sets them gingerly on the bed- It's all done. - Then he darts behind his husband fearfully.

[CP] Growls-

[Lie] - Shush, I'm the one who had to take care of your mobs and I have no idea how to do that sort of stuff

[Steve] I didn't grant any of the more extravagant requests! I promise!

[CP] Grumbles-

[Lie] - Do you want me to take the paper work back to Winston?

[CP] - No!

[TLOT] Especially since he's free to just come here and get them. Your mobs are in a diminished state, Cp. For the record, I'm sure Doc's offer to put them on a safe seed they can wreck is still valid.

[Lie] - I told your mobs to lay low and stay hidden...  But I'm not sure how well they'll listen

[CP] - Most of them should, but some will probably still be idiots and go out

[TLOT] Then it will likely be survival of the smartest. As far as your NOTCH knows, provided their are no traitors amongst them, you are dead. That does give us a small advantage.

[CP] - But that also means until we're ready to strike, I can't return there

[TLOT] Are you sure you don't want to move them? There's a chance your NOTCH may amuse himself by just deleting them all.

[CP] - No, he was doing that to draw my attention, to draw me out

[TLOT] If you say so. He seems a cruel and calculating sort. I wouldn't be suprised if he just decided to go after everyone you love as well.

[CP] Mumbles something, he remembers him threatening to go after Stevie next-

[TLOT] Picks up on the thought - monster. Well he can't get in and Stevie has no wish to get out, so that settles that.

[CP] - That doesn't change the fact that he threatened it, he's never done anything malicious towards Stevie before

[TLOT] Stevie was on his side before.

[CP] - But which side is he on now?  Certainly not mine

[TLOT] He is more on your side then you realize. And at the least, he's is on Markus's side, and Markus dotes on you. He'll also give Stevie crap if he's nasty to you.

[CP] Grumbles-

[Lie] - Anyways, thank you for doing the paper work Steve, I would have just gotten really lost on it

[Steve] You're welcome. - Stays firmly behind TLOT-

[CP] - Will you two fuck off now?

[Lie] - CP we have to get out of bed, my animals still need to be tended to

[TLOT] She has a good point Cp. I know you're worried, but she's safe here. And so are you.

[CP] - Don't care

[Lie] - CP!

[Steve] Sneaks towards the door -

[TLOT] Oh, just get up. I'm sure Lie is hungry too, and it's a lovely day outside.

[CP] Grumbles but does release his wife-

[Lie] Gives CP a quick kiss on the forehead before getting out of bed and looking for her shoes-

[TLOT] Offers Cp a hand - How are you feeling?

[CP] - I'm fine- Bat's TLOT's hand away

[TLOT] Shakes his head- Same as always.

[Lie] Pulls on her boots and heads outside, running a little behind schedule-

[CP] Groans but does get out of the bed and follows her, giving Steve a brief glare-

[Steve] Shrinks a bit and gets out of his way.

[TLOT] Just follows them both outside and gives a languid strech.

[Notch] Is sprinkling some fish flakes into the tiny koi pond.

[Lie] - Morning Notch- She has to speak kinda loudly to be heard over her hungry barking dogs

[Notch] Good morning Lie! You look chipper.

[Lie] - Relieved to have my husband back

[TLOT] Now all they need is a night of passion and both of them will be chipper.

[Steve] Snickers -

[Notch] His thought is a bit too loud. A passionate night with Cp rather then Doc-

[CP] Catches the thought- WHAT WAS THAT!?

[Notch] Jumps in fright-

[CP] Takes to flight and quickly rushes of towards the castle-

[Lie] - Oh dear...

[Notch] What did I do?!

[Lie] - You thought about yesterday, that's all

[TLOT] Yesterday?

[Doc] Is out in the garden using the black hoe to plant some seeds. Hir expression is melancholy and thoughtful. But for the moment he's not around and it's just hir and Yaunfen romping in the flowers.

[CP] - DOC!- He lands hard, causing the grass to be removed from the block he landed on

[Yaunfen] - Big fire!

[CP] - You shut the fuck up

[Doc] Is so startled they end up holding the hoe in front of them like a weapon and just shaking-

[CP] Notices it- The fuck is that?

[Doc] It's a.... hoe?

[CP] Growls- Why do you have it?

[Doc] Because... Tungsten made it, and Lie said you already had one someplace?

[CP] Yanks it from Doc's grasp to look at it more closely, completely forgetting his original reason for coming-

-The hoe is heavily pixelated, but the whirling designs are still visible in the color gradients-

[CP] Frowns as he turns it over, his mind now preoccupied with something else/  He simply teleports off with the hoe-

[Yaunfen] - Where big fire go?

[Doc] I don't know. But I do have the sense I just dodged a fireball. Dammit. He better give that back. I really like that tool.

-The middle of the night-

[CP] Had spent the day avoiding everyone, staying mostly down in his private chambers where he had passed the paperwork back to Winston and had Winston bring him something else.  Once certain his wife was asleep he crept out of the house and towards the village-

[CP] Sticks to the shadows as he makes his way towards the blacksmiths house, lipping inside and looking around.  It's relatively clean and he can see the bed from the entrance.  He silently stalks closer and looks at the two figures sleeping soundly in the bed.  With a quiet growl he grabs Tungsten and teleports the smith outside and pushes him up against a tree-

[Tungsten] Screams in fear - Cp!

[TLOT] Bolts out of bed, feeling his distress, and throwing in his clothes before running out

[CP] - How?

[Tungsten] How what?! What do you want from me?!

[CP] Pulls out the obsidian hoe-

[Tungsten] Shrinks as if he's about to be hit- Lie said you already had one and it was okay for Doc to take it!

[CP] - How did you know what it looked like?- He pushes on Tungsten a bit harder

[Tungsten] Please don't hurt me! I fixed your other tools! I just mimicked the patterns on them so it would match!

[CP] growls darkly- What is your family line?

[Tungsten] I-I!

[TLOT] Appears beside them- Cp, why are you scaring my favorite blacksmith?

[CP] - None of your fucking business!

[TLOT] He's under my protection, and he's a friend, so it is my business.

[Tungsten] I don't know! Zombies got my parents when I was small!

[CP] Scowls and shoves Tungsten away-

[Tungsten] Why- why do you want to know about my family?

[CP] Scowls and puts Tungsten to sleep-

[TLOT] If you put him in a nightmare for fixing your tools you and me are going to have words. What do you want from him anyway?

[CP] - Have you seen this?- He holds the hoe out

[TLOT] Yes? Doc was using it this morning. It's rather nice, isn't it?

[CP] - This isn't the one Tungsten, it's the original...  They look the same

[TLOT] Squints at it- oh. Well when I saw it it was covered in dirt.

[CP] - TLOT, the seed that this smith came from...  When a true master came along, that ability was genetic.  It would skip many generations before resurfacing again.  Technically a normal black smith shouldn't be able to manipulate Obsidian

[TLOT] Ah. But that's your seed. On mine, well, sometimes you find special Testificates. Librarians that can write as well as curate books, tailors who can add a bit of decoration, or a blacksmith who can craft a little bit off the table. They're well respected and make mostly wedding jewelry. Tungsten came to us because of Drilby. He values his lover more then money or notoriety.

[CP] - That may or may not be true TLOT...  Very, very rarely there are testificates which can jump seeds

[TLOT] It's true because I've seen it. Ive read far more Testificate minds then the ones who live here. Him specifically? Who knows?

[CP] - It's no use if he can't remember his family lineage

[TLOT] Even if you're right, what difference would it make?

[CP] - Because if your smith is what I suspect...

[TLOT] Yes?

[CP] Frowns- Nevermind, it's pointless if it can't be proven

[TLOT] Do you think he's some kind of legendary smith Cp? I thought you had no interest in Testificates anyway?

[CP] - Shut up- He turns around and starts walking off

[TLOT] Cp, let the poor man out of the dream. And give me Doc's hoe if you have it. You don't need both.

[CP] Flings the newer hoe at TLOT- He'll wake at dawn

[TLOT] Thank you. And the next time you need to know something, come ask me before you rough up my villagers. By the by, why were you yelling at Doc anyway?

[CP] - FUCK!  I forgot to do that

[TLOT] Do what? Don't give hir a hard time for no reason. Dn is making hir miserable enough as it is

[CP] - That fucker did something to my wife

[TLOT] Don't be ridiculous Doc would never harm Lie in any way.

[CP] Didn't say xe harmed her!

[TLOT] then why are you obviously mad?

[CP] Growls and gives a mental flash of what he heard in Notch's mind-

[TLOT] oh yes. I'm so sure Doc decided to have a torrid affair with your wife while you and Cn tried to kill eachother in the next room. Don't be silly. It has to be a misunderstanding.

[CP] Growls-

[TLOT] Go talk to Doc if that will make you feel better. But hold your temper. You know

they're no good at lying anyway.

[CP] Flips TLOT off as he walks off-

[Doc] Has woken up from a rather unpleasant dream and is sitting at the kitchen table in the dark, staring morosely at a cup of tea

[CP] Wanders into the castle sending out a mental burst to find Doc-

[Doc] Barely pings back as anything because their energy is so low.

[CP] Still manages to pick up on it and storms down into the kitchen- Dooooc...

[Doc] flat and lifeless- what is it Cp?

[CP] - The fuck did you do to my wife!?

[Doc] listless- what are you talking about Cp?

[CP] - You tell me, Notch had some stray thoughts

[Doc] Thinks for a long moment- oh. I did give her some  orgasams because she was stressed out.

[CP] Bristles and growls-

[Doc] I barely touched her, it was just a favor for a good friend. Nothing more.

[CP] - I DON'T CARE!

[Doc] slumps down and puts hir chin on her arms- it was purely for her benefit Cp. Do you seriously consider me a threat to your marriage when I have a mate and child of my own already?

[CP] - Growls- You touched her...

[Doc] I put one gloved hand on her fully clothed body Cp.

[CP] - SO!?

[Dn] So they have no common sense or boundaries as usual- said in an oily smug tone from a shadowed doorway.

[Doc] Winces as though they'd been struck.

[CP] - FUCK OFF!

[Dn] Just raises an eyebrow and chuckles softly-

[CP] - You really don't want to be around me right now fucktard-

[Dn] Not everything is about you.

[Doc] Just go away Dn... Please...

[Dn] No.

[CP] Quickly turns and outright punches DN in the face, hard-

[Dn] is driven backwards by the blow and falls down the steps to the landing of Lj's old room.

[CP] Tosses a couple blocks of bedrock into the entranceway-

[Doc] Holds hirself unhappily - I hate him so much...

[CP] - Seriously, you were so happy earlier, so fuckin stop this pity party

[Doc] Starts to cry, just quietly.

[CP] - Oh now what the fuck is wrong with you?

[Doc] softly- I'm pretty sure you don't care about my problems Cp, so why even ask?

[CP] - Because it's not as fun to berate you when you're like this

[Doc] Sorry, I can't entertain everyone else all the time...

[CP] - Well aren't you snarky tonight

[Doc] quietly- I don't mean to be. But I have feelings too.

[CP] - Then go fucking talk to TLOT, I know he's awake

[Doc] He can sympathize, as I think you could if you wanted too. But in the end, its my problem to deal with...

[CP] - So you're allowed to pry into other's problems, but the same can't be done to you?

[Doc] If you want to help, feel free. But I don't expect anything from anyone.

[CP] - Does it involve beating the crap out of you NOTCH?  Because that felt really good...  Took my mind off the anger a bit

[Doc] almost a whisper- I wish someone would delete him...

[CP] - Well what's stopping you?

[Doc] I don't know how to even begin to do that. If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a killer.

[CP] - Then consult the ones who are

[Doc] Looks him dead in the eyes with a pleading expression. Xe knows the words but can't bring hirself to speak them.

[CP] - Say it Doc- He's delighting in this a bit

[Doc] I can't...

[CP] - Then find me when you can- He turns to leave

[Doc] Takes a breath but the words die on hir lips.

[CP] Is heading up the stairs-

[Doc] Just watches him go.

[Dn] is waiting at the top of the stairs- Are you done?

[CP] Goes to punch him again-

[Dn] Dodges out of the way this time - are you defending them? Or just indulging your love of punching people?

[CP] - Bit of both

[Dn] Backs away into the shadows- then do it elsewhere. I have work of my own to conduct.

[CP] - Nah, I really feel like killing you

[Dn] You really are quite dull.

[CP] - I think the others would disagree

[CP] Lunges at DN and drives his pick through the NOTCH- Believe me, I'm in the mood to kill any NOTCH- He yanks the pick out and watches DN die

/ -Player DarkNOTCH was killed by CreepyPastaHerobrine- /

[Splender] Is walking along after Pinwheel has fallen asleep.  He's just taking a stroll to enjoy the night and has wandered a ways-

[Zly Wilk] - Is relaxing in a hammock slung between two trees a little way of the path, His battered coat slung over a low branch nearby. The sleeves of his maroon shirt rolled to the elbows and the high collar unbuttoned.  He holds in his hands a battered black guitar.

As he idily strummed the instrument, he looks down at the woman sitting with her back against the tree near him.

[Lazur] - The light blue skinned woman was sitting crosslegged in the grass, now dressed in a leather corset nearly as dark red as her partner's shirt, and dark blue leather tights with black combat boots.

She is concentrating deeply on a display of code scrolling through the air in front  of her.

[Zly Wilk] Still nothing?

[Lazur] - shakes her head

[Zly Wilk] Well... Why did you mess with your translation matrix?

[Lazur] Myslalem, ze moge zmodyfikowac mój plik, aby mialo to sens.

[Zly Wilk] I told you it wasn't making  sense. I can translate too, you know.

[Lazur] - glares at Zly before making more tweaks to her code. She goes to speak and just makes a sound like static before slapping a hand over her mouth in frustration and embarrassment.

[Zly Wilk] Why not ask our new Doctor friend or hir mate?

[Lazur] - speaks in a strange guttural tongue before looking annoyed and flappig her hands in an exasperated gesture.

[Zly Wilk] Well we are NOT in the field, and it don't hurt to ask for a hand now and again.

-There's just the barest amount of interference from Splender's EMP field which flickers across the code-

[Lazur] - notices the distortion, coughs and makes a sour face.

[Zly Wilk] -cautiously gets up from his Hammock - Hello?

[Splender] Heard their voices- Oh!  Hello?  Is someone there?

[Zly Wik] -walks out of the woods with Lazur following grumpily behind - Hello.... My, you are tall, my colorful friend!

[Splender] Smiles broadly- Hello!  My name is Splender!

[Zly Wilk] Smiles back - I'm Zly Wilk, this is my partner, Lazur. Call me Zly...

We've been exploring this seed since just after Doc took us in.

[Splender] - Oh that's wonderful!  I go off exploring, not much recently since Pinwheel has hatched...

[Lazur] has slightly turned away and is still messing with her code

[Zly Wilk] Pinwheel? Is this a pet of yours?

[Splender] - Oh!  You don't know, do you...  Doc went and gathered abandoned Ender dragon eggs from regular and modded seeds and then hatched them!  Pinwheel is the one I'm taking care of.  She's an adorable, sweet, ball of rainbows!

[Zly Wilk] Dragons? That fantastic! I haven't seen a seed with dragons in ages.

[Lazur] - speaks in short bursts of static, shakes her head, goes back to coding

[Zly Wilk] good point... Splender, are any of them dangerous?

[Splender] - Weeeeeeeell...  Pinwheel may be venomous to everyone except me...

[Zly Wilk] -slowly - gooood to know....

[Lazur] - makes a sound like feedback, drops her head in defeat-

[Splender] - Is everything alright with her?

[Zly Wilk] don't mind her... We came across this rather odd wither skeleton talking in giberish. Lazur thought her translation program was malfunctioning, and tried to fix it.

[Splender] - Ah, if you need a translation program CP has one!

[Lazur] -makes an approximation of laughter

[Zly Wilk] Thank you, Splender... But Lazur is.... Stubborn and wants to fix it I her own. Besides, i can understand her and translate if needed until she does.

[Splender] - Well, there's always Doc, or Deer...  Oh!  Flux might be able to help!

[Zly Wilk] sounds like we missed a couple more new arrivals since we went on our little adventure.... I'll have to make my way over to the castle and check with Doc as soon as my friend here finally gives up.

[Lazur] forms a small ball of energy and paps it harmlessly at the back of Zly's head where it makes his already unruly hair poof up with static electricity.

[Splender] - I CAN TAKE US THERE RIGHT NOW!- He reaches for them with his tendrils

[Lazur] squaks in surprise and quickly equips matching leather armor pieces on her arms and a glowing blue sword forms in her hand.

[Zly Wilk] LAZUR NO!   Sorry, Splender... We had a bad experience on a Japanese server once... I think we will walk as soon as we clean up our little camp.

[Splender] Gets sad- Oh...  I'm sorry...  I don't mean any harm...

[Zly Wilk] No, no harm my friend. We are well met today. Say, where is this dragon of yours?

[Splender] - Sleeping at home, my house is in the water near Doc's castle!

[Zly Wilk] Then we will be sure to visit once we go that way.

[Lazur] -puts away her weapon and armor, smiles and nods, feeling self conscious about her reaction

[Splender] Points towards the horizon- If you keep going that way you'll run into Gem's house and just past that should be area's you know, like Lie's house!

[Zly Wilk] Ah... Wonderful. Exploring is great, but it's already great to get back to familiar surroundings. So glad we met, my friend.

[Splender] - I hope to see you around more!  I wonder how CP is doing now?

[Zly Wilk] CP? What happened? He pick a fight he couldn't finish? I know there are other powerful brines here.

[Splender] - He was deleted by his NOTCH.  Luckily Doc had given him some alterations and Lie had a single pixel of him.  He's been regrowing from it, last I saw he was a little child

[Zly Wilk] - looks startled for a moment as an old memory flashes across his mind - I'm sorry. I had no idea. As much of an ass as he can be, he didn't deserve that fate.

[Lazur] puts a comforting hands on his shoulder.

[Zly Wilk] ..... Did you say a child? - chuckles- oh that at least would have been a sight to see. Little CP and Stevie playing.

[Splender] - Either Notch or Doc should probably have pictures, although CP was more focused on fighting CN

[Zly Wilk] -figuring he will get caught up on these new additions when he gets to the castle- well, kids will be kids.  How did Markus handle a kid CP, a child Stevie, and this CN?

[Splender] - Oh!  Stevie's an adult so that wasn't a problem, and Lie was able to help with CN and CP

[Lazur] - makes a surprised drod-like whistle noise

[Zly Wilk] I agree. Wow. Always something exciting going on around here.

[Splender] - Indeed!  Are you sure the two of you don't want any help?

[Zly Wilk] Thank you, but not just yet. I owe it to Lazur to try to fix her coding I her own, and we have a couple other things we want  to investigate before we head over.

[Splender] - Alright, but if you want someone to secretively fix it, I would suggest Flux, from what I've gathered she may just be the oldest embodiment of a server...

[Lazur] -grumbling in Q-bert-

[Zly Wilk] Thanks, Splender. I will definitely keep that in mind. We are headed back to our camp now, but we will see you again soon I am sure.

[Splender] - Alright!  Have fun!- He waves one of his belled tendrils and teleports off-

[Zly Wilk] come on, Blue... Let's get back to camp.

-the pair make their way back into the woods.-

[Doc] Heads into town with Deerheart and Yaunfen in tow. Xe's trying to ignore Dn trailing behind.

-Testificates- Are rather unnerved by him and give Dn a wide berth.

[Drilby] Is trimming the grass outside the forge and hails them-

[Doc] You look annoyed...

[Drilby] Cp dragged my husband out of bed to yell at him.

[Doc] I know the feeling...

[Deer] - Was he yelling about the tools?

[Drilby] Yeees.

[Doc] Figures.

[Yaunfen] - Big fire was mad yesterday

[Doc] It's just been a bad week all around.

[Deer] Puts a gentle hand on Doc's arm- It's okay, we're here

[Doc] I know. - But xe still looks unhappy.

[Dn] Is radiating smug and intentionally scowls at some of the children so they'll run away.

[Splender] Senses the children's fear and nervousness and teleports to the village quickly-

[Drilby] He kept asking about Tungsten's family too. He's a bit shaken up.

[Deer] - His family?

[Drilby] Yeah, I don't get it either.

[Deer] - Well give Tungsten our well wishes

[Dn] Are we done yet?

[Doc] Snaps at him- No one asked you to come!

[Dn] You don't get to ask. I won't listen anyway. I just do what needs to be done.

[Drilby] I will, he's just staying inside today.

[Deer] - Come on Doc, let's get our stuff for our picnic

[Doc] Shivers with frustration- Yes. Let's.

[Dn] Snorts-

[Yaunfen] - Cookies!  Cookies!

[Doc] Muddles through the usual negotiations. It's obvious xe's distracted but trying to put on a brave face.

[Deer] Keeps glaring at DN-

[Dn] Ignores her.

[Lie] Has come into town to see if there's anything of interest to trade today-

[Doc] Happens to spot her and gives a tired wave.

[Lie] Smiles and approaches- Hey, is everything okay?

[Doc] Shrugs and hir eyes flick back to where Dn is standing. - Cp is mad at me for helping you with your little issue the other day.

[Lie] - I'll talk to him, I hope he didn't yell at you to much?

[Doc] He caught me with the hoe Tungsten made and that distracted him a bit.

[Lie] - Is Tungsten okay?

[Doc] He got yelled at too apparently, but otherwise yes.

[Lie] - I'll apologize to them later...  Hey Doc?  Weren't there parrots added this last update?

[Doc] Yes. I haven't messed with them myself though.

[Lie] - Do you think you could spawn a few over by my place?  I think CN would like the feathers...

[Doc] Sure... Why not. - Looks back at hir lover and child - Shouldn't take long. Okay?

[Deer] - Go ahead, we'll be right behind you

[Doc] Gestures for Lie to lead.

[Dn] Just stays silently a few steps behind, his black eyes never leaving Doc.

[Lie] Leads them outside, she can see CP laying on the roof of the house-

[Doc] Sighs resignedly- where do you want them Lie?

[Lie] - Maybe in the green house?

[Dn] Don't just spawn things for players. Some admin you are. She should have to hunt for them herself.

[Doc] Nobody asked you!

[Lie] - They're not for me, it's for CN's feather collection

[Deer] - Where is CN?

[Lie] - Playing with my wolves

[Dn] snorts- try not to screw it up

[Doc] is shaking -

[CP] Is watching carefully from the roof-

[Doc] is trying to watch Dn and retrieve the egg at the same time and taps the wrong one. With a horrible wail a ghast appears and screams in unholy torment knocking hir over- [Dn] Good job.

[CP] Concerned for his wife's safety lunges at the ghast and pounds it into the ground-

[Deer] - Doc! Are you alright?

[Doc] Can't take hir eyes off Dn. He's not moving but mentally he's suddenly far too close.

[CP] Disposes of the ghast, collecting it's tear- I'm sure GK could find a use for this...

[Dn] I told you so...

[Deer] - Leave...

[Dn] Never.

[Deer] - Then be removed

[Dn] just starts laughing-

[Deer] Stands up, as she does she begins to glow, something which has not happened in a very long time-

[Lie] - Deer?

[Dn] Let's see what you can do you insipid chimera.

[Deer] - A long time ago, I gave a life back...  It's time to pay for that by taking a life in return

[Deer] The server is quick to bend to Deer's will, giving her access to every bit of code.  Her hands flick upwards, towards DN's core.  She can see every part of his coding as she looks for every important part.  A cold clutching sensation grips DN in the center of his chest as Deer grips his code.  Visible only to Deer is the code as it comes towards her and she digs her fingers into it.  Every part of her is screaming to not destroy code but she pushes past it.  She knows there will be some form of repercussion but she can't stand by any longer and watch Doc suffer.  Her fingers dig into the code and begin tearing it apart with a bit of difficulty, but the effect is immediate.  DN falls to the ground, his body literally being torn apart right before them-

[CP] Tenses as he watches this happen, fear beginning to grip him-

[CN] Hears the commotion and looks from inside the dog pen- DN!

[Flux] Feels what Deer is doing and quickly rushes outside- Deer!  Stop!

[Dn] Shrieks horribly as he's pulled apart at the core. The grass around him freezes and dies and his remaining bits despawn. Nothing remains but a bit of churned up mud and soil. [Doc] Deerheart... I can't believe... You did that for me...- hir eyes overflow with grateful tears- -There's a loud beep and the chat begins to scroll with commands and system stat information. - Error NOTCHAI / 198710-36488-46224 deleted by host - exercising secondary protocols for Herobrine type entity generated after [date redacted] - Generating new AI - Firewall bypass enacted for local spawn - generation public static float multiplier set - true - type set NOTCHAI / random - 2% complete...

[Doc] NO! Make it stop!

- Generation 10% complete -

[Deer] - I'M TRYING!

[Flux] - Deer, calm down!  Panicking will not help you

[Notch] - runs outside- What the hell is going on?!

[CN] Is crying-

[Deer] - Flux help!

[Flux] - Listen to me Deer, you need to find the file that's being formed

- generation 20% -

[Deer] Scrambles to find the file, accidentally briefly switching the colors of blocks in her haste-

[Doc] Tries to help her- Markus? What's going on?!

[Notch] I don't know!

[Deer] - I CAN'T FIND IT!

[Flux] Breath Deer, this is your seed, your extended body, you can find it

[CP] Quietly grabs his wife and teleports off with Lie-

[Deer] Turns on the rain and then changes it to snow-

[Flux] - Deer you must calm down

- generation 50% -

[Doc] over chat - we may be in serious trouble! All Brines be ready to fight! NOTCH AI incoming at spawn!

[Deer] Is still panicking and accidentally goes right past the file-

- generation 70% -

[Doc] It's too late! We have to be there when it comes in! Come on!

[Deer] Falls to her knees- I'm so sorry

[TLOT] is terrified but ready to fight and already at the spawn.

[Steve] Also grimly waiting with his Enderpearl sword

[Flux] - Go on, I'll keep an eye on Deer

[Doc] Don't be sorry! Be a dragon! We need you! - Xe transforms with a roar

[Deer] - I can't...

[gem] -is circling in the sky at spawn with her guardians with out her bracelets-

[Doc] You just killed the worst thing that ever happened to me. Fight with me now, I believe in you!

[Flux] Holds a small ball of purple energy out to Doc- Take this, it will taint what ever appears if necessary, but don't hold onto it too long

[Deer] - I'm sorry, I can't...- The glow is fading and her colors seem to be growing duller

[Lazur] - teleports with Zly to the spawn, both ready for action.

[Stevie] Heard the call and rushes towards spawn-

[Doc] Grabs Deerheart and puts hir firmly on hir shoulders and snatches up Yaunfen as well. - I have my own bad energy Flux, thank you though! - Xe rushes off

[Deer] Is growing non responsive, her actions taking a toll on her-

- generation 90% -

[Flux] Shakes her head and reaches down to the ground, digging her fingers into the dirt and grass, concentrating- I will help you my student, give me your burden for now so that you may recover- She feels the seed resist until it submits to her will, granting her the control

[Doc] is waiting at the spawn with hir teeth full of statick - whatever happens, stay on my back, both of you.

[Yaunfen] - Mama isn't talking Mada...

[Doc] Mama needs to rest. She made the cold meanie go away forever.

[Yaunfen] Scared whimper-

[Deer] Passes out and begins sliding off of Doc-

[Doc] Steadies her with hir tail- hold onto her Yaunfen

[Yaunfen] - Okay Mada

[Zly Wilk] -stands back to back with Lazur, glowing bo staff at the ready.

[Stevie] Looks at TLOT and Steve- Where's brother?

[Crim] - Hears all the commotion and races toward the sounds.

[Lazur] has her sword leveled and equips her armor and a shield along her forearm with glowing blue blades along the edges. Her voice files haven't been repaired yet, but she knows the time for talking has passed for the moment.

[gem] -is making a big circle of red and purple jagged lasers where she is in the sky-

-zwoop, Mix has done the appear with sky, firebird, and flowey -

-they're here to help™-

[Crim] - finds the others, but stays towards the back, out of the way but bares his fangs, ready to help.

[HG] -has shown up in the back to help even though all he can be is a distraction if needed-

- generation 100% complete NOTCHAI spawn successful -  

[crookedspoonfic]

The Raven Cycle Fic Masterlist

I thought I might compile a masterlist of TRC fic before it becomes too long for me to bother with. More of a quick browsing overview. Tags and everything on AO3.

Fics are grouped into Series, Standalones and Snippets. Series are sorted by date of creation and the fics by internal chronology. Standalones are divided into main pairing, sorted alphabetically, and then listed chronologically. Numbering reflects when a fic was written, so it’s easier to find the latest ones.

Last updated: 2017-10-22 (39 fics; 1 podfic; 1 new Series)

Series

nothing more than any artist dreams - Artist AU.

4. blue as a gunshot wound: Kavinsky/Prokopenko (M; 3,635 words; 01 February 2017) Proko knows he’s a doormat when it comes to Kavinsky. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

17. Les liaisons dangereuses: Kavinsky/Prokopenko (M; 1,500 words; 27 May 2017) You shouldn’t be surprised when he drags you into the men’s room, although somehow you are.

19. something burning on my chest: Kavinsky/Prokopenko (M; 3,785 words; 05 July 2017) In which Proko is hungover and having a full-on angstfest before K wakes up and defuses it by being a dick.

34. A work of art and a weapon, a delight and a defense: Kavinsky/Prokopenko (M; 2,135 words; 07 October 2017) Kavinsky is a lot more taken with what Proko wants to show him than Proko would have expected.

30. maybe this is danger and you just don’t: Proko/Swan (E; 2,815 words; 01 October 2017) The fact that Swan of all people wants you is really fucking flattering.

2. Hidden here below the fracture: Kavinsky/Ronan, Kavinsky/Prokopenko (M; 3,278 words; 28 December 2016) Irritation lurks at the other end of his high, not inspiration. Or, the one in which K tries to banish Lynch from his head. Through art. And fails. Just give me what I came for 5. I’ve tasted hell and it tastes just like you: Kavinsky/Ronan (E; 2,565 words; 07 March 2017) Everyone knows that when you need someone to hurt you, Kavinsky is it. 7. Stay with me, I’ll show you paradise: Kavinsky/Ronan (E; 3,010 words; 14 March 2017) Kavinsky would never admit it but he can’t say no to Ronan. No matter how late it is, he’s there. Though he’s usually not this destroyed. 9. my tongue still misbehaves: Kavinsky/Ronan (M; 500 words; 18 March 2017) “Answer me this: how much would it piss you off if I got into Gansey’s pants before you did?” 26. So maybe I wanted to give you something more (E; 3,104 words; 30 August 2017) "Here's the deal, sweetheart, since I'm in a generous mood: Whatever you want me to do to you, I'll do it. All you have to do is say it out loud."

12. No sins as long as there’s permission: Kavinsky/Ronan (E; 4,555 words; 15 April 2017) WIP? “If we’re gonna do this, I want you to leave Gansey out of it. Completely.”

Two maniacs, indulging in the pleasures of their world - Childhood Friends AU.

22. Dreams are made for fools and sages: Kavinsky/Ronan  (T; 500 words; 2017-07-13) The act of falling asleep: childhood vs. teenage years.

Be quiet and drive (far away) - Roadtrip AU.

1. Something’s got me and I just can’t seem to choose: Ronan/Kavinsky (T; 1,250 words; 13 November 2016) “You know where you can keep an even better eye on me, Lynch?” he asks. Ronan ignores the tickle of warm breath against the shell of his ear and empties his shot glass. “On the dancefloor. Come on, dance with me.” Or, the one in which Ronan doesn’t dance with K. Because obviously.

24. Don’t let me go; take me to the edge: Kavinsky/Ronan (M; 500 words; 24 July 2017) The hour-long drives and restless nights turn your days into a haze of dream-like images, impressions, impulses, stuttering like a flicker book – the open road before you, the car thrumming beneath you, Kavinsky twisting out of the window beside you and whooping with the thrill of it, white tanktop fluttering around his stomach.

I never liked that ending either - Rehab AU.

25. I wear these scars, I own my mistakes: Kavinsky & Ronan/Adam (T; 2,500 words; 28 August 2017) A year after the fateful Fourth of July party, Kavinsky suddenly comes out of the woodwork to apologize for what he's done.

27. And I still believe that I cannot be saved: Prokopenko & Kavinsky (T; 500 words; 02 September 2017) Prokopenko pays Kavinsky a visit in the hospital after the Fourth.

Grant me the freedom from objects - trans!Kavinsky/Ronan.

28. not really soothing but soothing nonetheless (E; 2,525 words; 08 September 2017) Working through some issues.

31. When you have nothing to say, set something on fire (M; 2,342 words; 02 October 2017) More musings on sleep and rehab than anyone asked for, and a hand job in the rain.

Married Alive - Kavinsky/Piper

33. You’re never too good for me (M; 1,611 words; 05 October 2017) When Greenmantle ordered the Greywaren to be delivered to him, he didn't expect to lose his wife (partner? lover?) over it.

Standalones

Adam/Kavinsky/Ronan

10. a new kind of love your life has never allowed + polytangle (M; 2,835 words; 31 March 2017) Youtube AU, sorta. Or: Adam is trying to edit a video, Kavinsky has other plans, and Gansey interrupts them both by video-calling long-distance. Gansey/Noah

29. ille me osculat (the scenic byway remix) + OT5 (G; 2,272 words; 11 September 2017) "gansey stands apart from the connection the other four share, because he doesn't know how to ask the others for that and the others don't think he wants like they do."noah is the one who sees."—weesaw, (i want you to know that i want to)

Gansey/Kavinsky

35. You know you like it but you’re scared of the shame (E; 2,560 words; 08 October 2017) Ronan said there was no negotiating with Kavinsky, but you had to see for yourself if that was true before deciding anything rash.

Gansey/Ronan 6. your heart frayed and empty (M; 2,705 words; 12 March 2017) Gansey wants to help Ronan, but has been drawing blanks as to how. Ronan has an idea, but never dared give it voice or thought. Until now. 8. stealing like the tide across a map (M; 2,150 words; 16 March 2017) The collar is heavy in your hands, heavy with the weight of what’s being asked. You’re aware that this could very well cost you your friendship, no matter what decision you make. Kavinsky/Ronan 11. It’s lovely. I hate it.: Kavinsky/Ronan (G; 200 words; 03 April 2017) Of weakness, disbelief, and growing families. 13. He wonders what to say and whether to say it (T; 500 words; 07 May 2017) For the first time in over a year and a half, you consider going to confession, to cleanse your soul of the sins you’ve committed this past week. 14. I’m variously sweat or shudder + Kavinsky/Prokopenko (M; 500 words; 10 May 2017) You’re about ready to dissolve when his phone rings. Kavinsky, of course, has to answer. 15. No warning from either of us (M; 2,205 words; 13 May 2017) Business AU. Niall Lynch has expanded his business of procuring rare items. In his absence, Ronan takes over the helm, although he has no real interest in it. That is, unless it means one-upping Kavinsky. 18. I just made you up to hurt myself (E!; 2,745 words; 30 June 2017) cw: non-con/rape, violence You parted as enemies on opposing lines, finger-gun to forehead, rage and rejection and a promise to end the other. Unless he’s begged you on his knees to take him back, there’s not one scenario in which you’d wind up back in your basement together with the real Lynch. Conclusion: You must have dreamed this one.

23. Everything that used to matter, don’t matter no more: Kavinsky+Prokopenko (T; 500 words; 17 July 2017) “I’m dying, man. What is that?” He scrubs his fingers over his breastbone, just below his gold chain. “I tried everything. I can’t make it go away.” 

36. I could almost swear I felt us float (M; 1,310 words; 09 October 2017) "Truth, then: you ever kill someone?"

Kavinsky/Prokopenko 3. Reality bites hard (T; 2,050 words; 08 January 2017) WIP? Congratulations on coming out,“ Gansey says. "No fucking way. Kavinsky’s not gay.” A joke, that’s all this is, but not everyone seems to get it and suddenly has opinions about your life and who you are as a person. Trouble is, you soon find you’re not so sure yourself anymore. 20. You taste so bitter and so sweet (T; 500 words; 06 July 2017) “I don’t want you to go.” To him hangs in the air.

21. with a cloud at your feet (T; 500 words; 08 July 2017) Kavinsky has a lot of strange moods, depending on what he’s tripping on, yet arguably there are none stranger than when it’s just the five of you and he’s trying out new pills.

37. Cheap thrills and a breakfast full of white lines (M; 3,000 words; 10 October 2017) "Do you remember the first time we did this?" he asks, because memory fascinates him, knowing for a fact that most of it is fabricated because he is. How could you forget? It was the day that made you who you are today. And him, too.

Noah/Whelk 16. And it’s a long way back from seventeen (T; 1,210 words; 25 May 2017) It wasn’t only your skull that cracked that day. 

38. You kissed me like a storm at sea (T; 1,424 words; 12 October 2017) It started out with you losing a wager and having to pose as Barry's maid for a day.

39. Don’t leave me behind (T; 500 words; 15 October 2017) Even after you lost everything, he picked you up as if it were a normal Tuesday.

Ronan/Greenmantle

32. A bullet in your head is how I want it (E; 2,135 words; 04 October 2017) cw: graphic violence, blood, gore, imagined character death, guro Ronan has a recurring fantasy: he dreams of killing someone. But not just anyone, no. He dreams of killing his father's murderer.

Podfic

1. gonna rip it off (go back home) by ilgaksu: Kavinsky/Ronan, Ronan/Adam (T; 6:04 min; 13 September 2017) Joseph Kavinsky can't read Latin. He can't read Latin and Ronan can't read his own body and they've both got enough blood on their hands they could mark each other up and you'd never see the red. That's beautiful, that is.

Bonus: Snippets, Excerpts, and WIPs

i.  You tell yourself you haven’t always been this pathetic: Kavinsky (T; ~1.8k words; 29 August 2017)

ii. Childhood friends AU, scene 1: Kavinsky/Ronan, Declan (T; 2,255 words; 01 September 2017)

Previous updates:

2017-06-22 (17 fics)  2017-07-01 (18 fics, re-did the numbering to reflect when a fic was written, hoping to make it easier to find the latest ones) 2017-07-08 (20 fics, added explanation on fic sorting) 2017-07-13 (22 fics, created a new untitled series) 2017-07-24 (24 fics; named the previously unnamed series, created a new one and sorted my first TRC fic under it) 2017-09-03 (27 fics; added another Series and a Snippets category for tumblr-exclusive previews) 2017-09-15 (28 fics; 1 podfic; added the section Podfic) 2017-10-08 (32 fics; 1 podfic; 1 new Series)