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#why would i make an effort to like them?
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why does talking to my grandma feel like inhaling some kind of poisonous gas that makes you suffer so much that death would be a kinder fate
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inkskinned · 2 years
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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uncanny-tranny · 7 months
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I've talked before about how the way people treat suicide can be unintentionally devastating to the suicidal person, but I don't think I really ever said how to avoid that.
Speaking about suicide in how selfish it "is" ("think about how you'll transfer your pain to your loved ones!") might seem like a way to put logical sense into the suicidal person, but, honestly? It runs the risk of massively increasing their shame and guilt about being suicidal. Suicide is not inherently a revenge fantasy or a way to "get back" at someone's loved ones, so when the suicidal person is treated like a criminal of a "crime" they haven't even committed yet, you can imagine how unhelpful that can become.
Instead, if you want to point out how cherished your person is, frame their relationships as something they can keep fostering.
"Your cat will miss you :(!!!!" becomes "you and your cat seem close, right? I'm sure it's beautiful having a close friend like that!" and maybe include ways that they and their cat are close and meaningful to each other, tailored to that relationship.
That's only one example, but when you shift the focus away from why that person should repent and feel guilty for being suicidal, you can instead focus on why they would live for that reason. See how you can frame that as a positive? Whatever is keeping that person tethered should never be used as a bludgeon, I think, because then you're taking away why they're living, the positivity of why they are here. Whatever they are here for should be remembered often and honoured.
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nyatbinary-81 · 4 months
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@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.
#my art#this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3#sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants#the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants.#the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open#on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks#even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them.#i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it#for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness#and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3#ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon.#ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues#(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice—#—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier)#anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple#(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.)#and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop#OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot#andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe.#if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft#OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT#i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it.#i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing#me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major#me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again#au Good what can i say
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moongothic · 6 months
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Okay so realistically speaking, giving birth is an excruciating, painful nightmare, and from the few Crocodad fics I've seen most people seem to prefer to write realistic pregnancy and make Luffy's birth a (physically) painful thing. Because it makes sense, it might be more relatable for some writers that way etc, and that's perfectly fine (like genuinely, it's not an issue at all, this is not a critique or a complaint)
God I don't know how to make this segue- Have any of you watched Ore Monogatari!! (My Love Story)? It's a great early 2010s romantic comedy series, funny as hell, super cute and sweet, would reccomend, but that aside. During the series the protagonist Takeo's mother gets pregnant and she ends up giving birth to Takeo's baby sister. And it's that scene, where Takeo's baby sister is born, that I keep on thinking back to whenever I wonder how Luffy's birth might've gone.
Takeo and his mother alike are Sturdy Motherfuckers. Like absolute gigachads, borderline superhuman, it's great and it's funny as hell. And because of that near superhuman nature... Takeo's mother goes to give birth at 4:15 pm. And she has finished giving birth at 4:16 pm. One fucking minute is what it took for this woman to bring a child into this world. An absolute legend
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The screencaps do not do justice to how fucking funny this is in the actual episode
And so like
Like we know Crocodile's been through absolute hell, being an amputee and all. And as Domino told us at the entrance of Impel Down, we also know the man did not even flinch when forced into Impel Down's traditional 200 Celsius cleansing bath (or 392F)
So Crocodile has better pain tolerance than the average person. Like, you might have to put in a bit of effort to cause him actually hurt. So if giving birth to Luffy was an absolute cakewalk for Crocodile, not only would it make perfect sense in-universe and be completely in-character for him, but also
It would be objectively funny as hell
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Can you share some of your favorite bat facts? I wanna add more to my lil arsenal of cool random facts. :]
Of course! Apologies for the late response, I saw this at like 1am four days ago, forgot everything I knew about bats, and then fell asleep and only remembered I even got this ask today. Anyways! Some bat facts :)
Common Vampire bats are some of my absolute favourites, mostly because of their ability to run on the ground! They can gallop with their forelimbs and take off from the ground by leaping into the air and catapulting themselves with their wings, which is speculated to be how Pterodactyls took off as well! Most bats cannot take off from the ground, and must be elevated to take flight, so this is pretty cool. Makes sense too, since they mostly feed from the ankles of large mammals and so need ground maneuverability!
Here's a video of a vamp taking off, and here's a video of one walking around! I think their skittery movements and lil' faces are just the CUTEST, but I know I'm probably in the minority there. Also there's a large dish of blood in the second video, so fair warning there!
All three true Vampire bats have evolved special grooves in their mouths in order to act as a gutter of sorts to funnel the blood into their mouths, but the exact arrangement differs between them. The Hairy-Legged Vampire bat has a groove along the roof of the mouth, whereas the White-Winged and Common Vampire bats have lingual grooves under the tounge! Speaking of White-Winged Vampire bats, they're the only bats in the world with 22 teeth, for some reason (likely no reason since the molars are vestigial), AND they have scent glands in their mouths that might be used to deter predators. Pretty cool stuff!
Finally, all three species of true Vampire Bats are cute as hell. Look at these lil' guys!!
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(left to right- White-winged, Hairy-legged, and Common Vampire bats!)
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Posting screenshots from The Raggy Dolls every day until ITV puts it on ITVX: Day 76:
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faunabel · 2 months
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my fave form of what's basically friends to lovers is when two people meet and have all their own baggage and the connection they form together and love they have for each other forces them to unpack all that baggage if they want to make things work. the kind of relationship where you're forced to look in the mirror and stop avoiding ur own problems because that person forces u to confront all of them (and u force them to confront theirs, too) because the relationship will Not work if you keep up all these walls either from your person of interest or even from urself!!! and there's too much of something there to give up and move on because it's difficult
the kind of thing where there's romance but the real plot of it all is self transformation through loving another. like the focus is on two individuals w/ their own lives who come together and have romantic feelings for each other vs the romance itself being the plot.
and maybe in the end they don't even stay together! maybe it doesn't work out! but there's drastic change and an undeniable impact they both made in each other's lives that will live on. is changing for the better not love in its rawest form?
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a-stars-art-blog · 11 months
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Family Trip to Morioh [part 1]
Jotaro heads to Morioh to do part 4, but this time he has a whole family that pesters him to let them go as well. Despite his efforts, he gives in.
A nice family vacation. What could go wrong?
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toriliashine · 7 months
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need mastermind kokichi and gonta going mwah mwah
the angel/demon theming working together perfectly, matching the mask/reveal scene in chapter 4 only to reveal they were working together the whole time
the mind games, the clashing personalities and bodies yet melding perfectly together, in despair and in love, it's like
they were made for each other...
//on to notes like
**i am now also BEGGING YALL to read the tags
i'm still working on the designs but i know i have some drafts here hmm
>for their mastermind fits, i'm thinking gonta being all white , with his hair being more curled and really framing his face for that angelic round-faced look, plus his ahoge making a little halo to really top it off. one eye of his glasses are red for monokuma. with a black choker . nice fancy 3 piece suit that really accentuate his muscles, giving the image that he's not someone to mess with despite his angelic demeanor and damn, he looks good in it too plus an all white , n gold/red accented overcoat! letting the boy be dramatic and fancy and beautiful 2k24.
*more notes at bottom
kokichi's fit is a sleek, sharp black. but still comfortable to move and store things in. He can still be silly and dramatic in it but It's be really cool for his new fit to be purposefully cold, controlled and intimidating , a good contrast from his usual clownness to really grab their attention. //need to explain this one to be an 'oh! he was doing that to distract us' but more... oomf . hm He has a a white glove, and a black one to draw more attention to the former. black captain hat with devil horns, or just the horns? hm. plus the black cape for the demon bat silhouette. inside is one of those cool n kinda slutty but loose all black formal fits, like (ahhh i need to get pack into drawing or outfit scrapbooking but imagine with me)
**** gonta's black choker and kokichi's white gloves is supposed to a) show their connection via the colours lol. but also represent a dog on a leash deal. however gonta can take off and on the choker when he pleases, showing his willingness and equal choice in this operation despite it seeming like ouma has the upper hand [plus feeding into the 'ouma is controlling him!' schtick their classmates got going on, thus making them suspect him less and not believe him and kokichi are purposefully working together! boom baby
also, the kink factor. hehe
**** i do wonder if i should cave and make them both wear chokers matching the other's colour though. i like chokers , and colour symbolism
#ougoku#danganronpa#kokichi ouma#gonta gokuhara#they argue about how best to gut the others in the mastermind hq then grab the other and make out sloppy style#gonta being the.. only one able to do the command grabs but hey- the grape can trip and push him and be all damn guess this big oaf's falli#for me yet again despite his stature! and gonta smirks and calls him another insect based petname which he KNOWS ouma would bitch about#which he does and pins gonts down lower and aaaa they stare#and gonta closes his eyes as the purple dictator leans down#till he can feel his soft breath on his lips#and senses a smile a nanometer away from his month#k - put in a little more effort next time hmm#the grin on his face as gets up reminds the entomologist why his partner got the devil role#g- ...#g - that motherfucker....#writer's note: RAAAAAAH you THOUGHT#I couldve made them kiss but in the middle of writig i was like#you know what would be funny? you know what would be a dick move? hehehe#ndrv3#also random but they are both super cute and pretty here like i can really imagine#gonta randomly pulling back ouma's hair when he notices it's all over the place#while still talking#and ouma beng 1) shocked at the boldness 2) smiling none then less 3) resting his head in gonta's palm#then the big guy realises what he did and goes 7 diff shades of red heehejhebhjhfaclknufa.e#and the others wondering when they got so close and how kokichi could have man-ipulated him bc gonta cant think hur durr#or gonta talking about bug patterns or some tamer ento- shit while kokichi's chilling with him in his lab#he's sleeves are rolled up#and his hands keep running too push back his hair and he rambles. his eyes are bright and firm his hands busy as he works in the sunlight#ee this has leaked into my regular ougoku thinkings but eeeeeeeee#them being made for each other and their story was already a tragedy but them now having to make themselves feel despair on purpose but
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romanceddawn · 9 months
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i know its probably more rich american culture than rich japanese culture, but i think seto should give transfem mokuba a fucking insane and huge sweet 16 party
like maybe its not long after she comes out and he wants to make her feel special and give her some gender euphoria (with a side of a big old fuck you to the media) so he just goes all out, spending thousands on whatever dresses she wants, a whole crown to top her look off, makes it a private concert with her favorite bands/singers, holograms and light shows everywhere because seto kaiba would not be caught dead planning a party without them, and he runs himself ragged trying to make it as perfect as possible because he loves her and would do anything for her
(honestly she'd be fine with just a day out at the fair or something, but she wont complain about getting a sick ass party and private concert)
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cawcawwitch · 6 months
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Just finished dndads s2 finale and feeling very normal about all the characters
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r0semultiverse · 1 year
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What We Do in the Land of Ooo
🧛‍♂️ What We Do in the Shadows x Adventure Time crossover AU! ⚔
Finn Mertens in place of Guillermo de la Cruz
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Marceline Abadeer in place of Nadja of Antipaxos
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Bonnibel Bubblegum in place of Laszlo Cravensworth
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Jake the dog in place of Colin Robinson
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Vampire King in place of Nandor The Relentless
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Betty Grof in place of The Guide
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The Lich in place of Baron Afanas
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Peppermint Butler in place of Wallace the Necromacer
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Simon Petrikov in place of Derek
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BMO in place of Nadja Doll (her old consciousness uploaded or something was an idea I had)
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Marshall Lee & Gary Gumball/Prince in place of Sean & Charmaine
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#I want to clarify that I don't have any plans to write this out as some sort of fanfic.#I also don't have any plans to draw actual redesigns for any of these characters.#this is all an indefinite WIP; anyone who wants to make content about the idea please tag me please I'd to see it!#also want to mention that this was somewhat inspired by recent fionna and cake content!#I suppose this AU could take place in the land of Ooo or it could take place on staten island but I was thinking land of Ooo#up to yall though if you wanna sketch any ideas from this lol#I was just trying to find images that somewhat fit the character they're in place of if you're curious as to why I chose the images I did!#also this isn't going with the nandermo stuff to clarify before people are like hey this is gross; no read the tags first; read my rambles!#these aren't 1-to-1 character crossovers; obviously I'd want to take some liberties with each of them if I were to put more effort into it!#vampire bonnie bubblegum would be cool to see! it doesn't need to make sense; we're having fun with it here! Vampire Betty Grof too!#Finn could also be an adult here if y'all want; I wasn't thinking too hard about this; just popped into my head & wanted to jot stuff down!#I'd also be curious to hear what adventure time characters you'd put in the roles of the wwdits ones; replacing mine or ones#that i didn't end up listing! I'd love to see a vampire Simon Petrikov & Finn Mertens though if anyone wants to draw that. anyway thats it!#mine#op#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#adventure time#adventure time fionna and cake#fionna and cake#adventure time spoilers
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marsbotz · 3 months
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not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time
#like the take of ohhhh Well this animal is smart and shows emotions!!! it might even be smarter than humans!!!#as if that matters literally at all#like the argument abt fish or hamsters or w/e being stupid (wrong) so it doesnt matterrrrr if they dont get cared for properly#as if its ever ok to mistreat animals.#in general the idea around smaller or less relatable animals being worth less is super frustrating#like if u post abt microwaving ur hamster when u were 6 everyones like ‘lmaoooo i did the same thing’#but if u posted that abt a dog….? The Gallows#we shouldnt have to care abt mistreatment of animals bc theyre cute or funny or smart#i just watched blackfish again and it annoyed me how much ppl were arguing abt the orcas being so smart and emotional etc#which is true. but thats just smth that makes their captivity harder. u jnow. like if they were simple and had simple needs it would still#be wrong if they werent met#its just such a huge issue bc of how hard the needs are to meet in captivity#same as like. bears and shit. you physically cannot give them enough territory to stop them going insane#ik theres ppl who believe All captivity is wrong#like my strpmum is one who believes nobody should own Any pet#which is. Imo a stupid argument and not at all sustainable. ppl need companions thats why weve had dogs and cats for thousnads of years#but also they are such successful pets bc their needs are so easy to meet!!!!!#its this misconception that fish or rodents are Easy Beginners pets… in reality they are 100x harder. but their lives are worth less to ppl#bc they dont show love the same way#well. anyways im not very good at expressing my thoughts abt serious stuff#but its smth that rlly upsets me#its frustrating too bc ppl either dgaf abt animals aside from Maybe the cute ones or r too extreme in advocating for the freedom of animals#like u can absolutely give indoor cats proper enrichment. its just slightly more effort#and its not as simple as just. emptyinb out the zoos. READ ABT KEIKO!!!!!#i feel its a very interesting topic. but ppl r very b/w on it#idk i feel the majority of ppl know so little abt animals its like. impossible to get thru#like ok cool u think zoos r bad bc the lions get saddddd. but u also think snakes and bugs and rodents are nothing but disease spreaders#and cant also have complex lives#Tsk. Whateevr
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kisaraslover · 9 months
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if anyone has any problem making sense of the way i interpret Kaiba just remember this: Tea Gardner looks at him one day and has the dawning realization "hes like a lesbian of some kind" this should make all the pieces fall into place
#not art#tea gardner#anzu mazaki#seto kaiba#yugioh#ygo#i mean it. kisara existing or not. i mean ittttt#i look at him. i look at myself. i look at his barely contained animosity towards all men- immediate competition- rivals#and then his much more calm reception of women. and i go ''hes literally me''#this is why im forever kaiba-mai valentine kaiba-ishizu friendship truther. tea doesnt make the cut but like.#if i write the series again id have to make him choose her for anything that isnt dueling. that spot is determinedly atem#but hes gotta sit next to someone from yugi gang for a flight? gardner. hes gotta share a cab? gardner. hes gotta save a yugi friend?#gardner.#not that they speak. not that hed want to spend time with her he doesnt have to. but to me hes like those dogs that hate men always#mai valentine would genuinely have his respect -she seems to have given battles of her own and came out a bit similar to him#hed actively enjoy her humor especially if joey is the butt of it. she would actively make an effort to get close too. birds of a feather#ishizu though. ohhh hed be so annoyed anytime shes like ''fate and gods and magic'' the way i am when straight girls bring up.#astrology. and tarot and whatnot. half disproving and trying to convince them. half listening to see where they take it#but 100% not taking it seriously for himself#but shes an accomplished woman who can be a deadly business woman and hed like that part of her.#again he can see himself reflected in powerful women and the sexist writing aside he just wouldnt be threatened by them#COUGH gozaburo COUGH.#sigh i just gotta make everything about that asshole dont i.#<- actual seto kaiba thought whenever he has an emotional awakening to his trauma once again being tied to gozaburo#DAMN im a good kinnie. yeeeesh
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leona-florianova · 8 months
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* looking at prices of new rock boots*
"It cant be That hard to make some fancy boots yourself, right?"
*i say while fully aware of how hard it would really be*
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