#why the fuck are so many persona fans SO entitled

[lowcallyfruity]

I love this streamer so much but I absolutely DESPISE his chat

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I'm such a big fan of your 1K fic requests (as well as your fanfics overall)! If you have time for one more 1K request, I would really appreciate it, but no pressure. I'm sure you get dozens of these. Anyway, we've seen how sensitive Ed is about people touching his face and hair and how respectful Stede is of that boundary. Could you write a fic about the first time Stede asks if he can touch Ed's face/hair? Like maybe they're kissing and things start getting more passionate and Stede wants so badly to cradle Ed's face and run his fingers through his soft hair, but he is aware of how Ed has reacted to that type of thing in the past, so he finally asks if it's okay.

I adore this prompt! People of color letting their white partner touch their hair for the first time is something that can be so beautiful.

(And no worries, I promise there will never be too many prompts in my inbox! I cherish each one. <3)

--

Ed didn’t let people touch his hair, as a rule.

He’d gotten tired of entitled light-skinned folks feeling like they could touch his hair without asking well before the Blackbeard persona came along. One of the very few mercies of being Blackbeard was that no one felt like they could just walk up to him and start touching his hair or his beard. Still, the idea of someone’s hands in his hair brought back bad memories. Rich fucks at that party trying to snatch the bows out of his beard and laughing when he flinched. Old boyfriends yanking his hair and laughing when he told them to stop.

So, yeah, Blackbeard used to have a zero-tolerance policy. Start with your grubby white fingers towards his hair, and you were out.

It had been a long time since he’d needed to order anyone tossed overboard for trying to touch his hair. But Ed still froze when he felt Stede’s hand on the side of his neck.

They’d been having such a nice time. Just hanging out on the sofa in the captain’s cabin, their intended job of stitching up the holes in the fabric long since abandoned in favor of making out like teenagers, and Ed was about to relax back into the kiss when he felt Stede pull back.

“Hey,” Stede whispered, slowly moving his hand away from Ed’s neck.

Ed pouted, sticking out his lower lip a bit to emphasize how tragically unkissed he currently was. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, yes, I’d love to get back to what we were doing ASAP, actually,” Stede said in a rush, his eyes dipping down to look at Ed’s lips before he visibly forced himself to make eye contact again.

Ed giggled. He loved that his boyfriend said things like ASAP.

“But I was just wondering,” Stede went on, “if it would be alright if I could touch your hair?”

Ed blinked, feeling his smile falter.

“You don’t have to let me, not at all, I know you don’t really like people touching around your face,” Stede assured him hurriedly, and even if he didn’t know the exact reasons why, he clearly at least had an inkling. “I’d just…it looks so soft, and I love your hair so much, Ed. All the time.”

It was hard not to hear what Stede meant. I love you so much, Ed. All the time.

Deep breath.

“Would you stop touching it if I asked you to?” Ed knew Stede had never been anything but perfectly respectful of his boundaries, but he had to be sure.

“Of course,” Stede said immediately, frowning like the mere idea of making Ed uncomfortable and ignoring his request to stop was the worst thing he’d ever considered.

“Okay,” Ed said, and his eyes fluttered shut in bliss when Stede’s lips met his again.

Stede pulled back just a bit, just enough to nibble cheekily at Ed’s bottom lip, and Ed practically purred into his mouth. Then he felt Stede’s gentle, hesitant hand on the side of his face, cupping his face, gently scratching his nails through Ed’s short beard, and he groaned in delight, shifting to try to nuzzle his cheek into Stede’s palm.

When Stede got his other hand into Ed’s hair, it was the most profound gentleness he’d ever experienced. Stede ran his hair through his fingers so carefully, taking so much care not to pull or hurt him in any way.

It was so rare, for someone to be touching Ed’s face like that, to be in his space so intimately, and so obviously not have any desire to hurt or mock him.

When they pulled back, panting into each other’s mouths, a worried line popped up between Stede’s eyebrows. “Ed? Are you okay?”

“Mmmmyeah,” Ed said, very eloquently.

“You’re crying,” Stede whispered.

“Oh.” Ed lifted his hand from Stede’s chest - he didn’t even remember putting it there - and wiped at his eyes with his knuckles. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Stede told him softly. “I didn’t hurt you, or make you uncomfortable, did I?”

“Nah, man. The opposite, if anything.” 

Stede had moved his hands back to his own lap, and Ed picked them up, gently guiding him to cup Ed’s face in his hands. He took a deep breath, then let it out, letting himself relax, letting Stede cradle him in his hands.

“This, Stede?” He said, nuzzling down into Stede’s hands. “This is perfect.”

That night, as they were getting ready for bed, Ed worked up the courage to ask Stede to brush his hair.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t do it himself, of course, and with their hair textures being so different, it took some explaining for Stede to learn how to use Ed’s brushes and hair products. But Stede was a fast learner, Ed was a patient teacher, and he knew Stede wanted to take care of his hair just as much as Ed wanted to be taken care of.

It was a bit scary, at first. They sat on the bed with Ed between Stede’s legs, and Ed was very aware of how much trust he was putting in Stede. For his part, Stede was hesitant and careful, making the beginning a very slow process, and Ed jumped at every unexpected touch. But it was so easy to feel safe with Stede, and soon enough Ed felt like a boneless puddle in Stede’s lap as he brushed his hair, cooing about how beautiful and soft Ed’s hair was.

“You’re so lovely,” Stede said, and Ed could feel his smile against his skin when he leaned down to press a kiss to the back of his neck. “I could stay here for the rest of my life, just like this, and die happy. I’m so lucky you’re mine.”

Mine.

“Oh,” Stede muttered, pausing in his brushing, sounding almost surprised at himself. “Is that okay? Can I say that?”

“Yeah,” Ed said, preening under his hands. “I’m all yours.”

[h0n3yk1tt3n]

One of the more frustrating parts about dywh (of which there are many) is that it doesn't even take itself seriously. People talk about it as if it's this Infamous Moment™️ where Chloe becomes the devil incarnate and violates our ✨️pwecious wittle Jer-Bear✨️ but the simple fact of the matter is that the Joes can't stop making jokes long enough to give the scene any actual venom.

Like yes, it's an uncomfortable scene, but most of it comes from the fact that Chloe is dressed as a sexy baby of all things and the song makes sure to constantly remind you of that. When you look at it divorced from the costume though, she barely even does anything. The squip is the entire reason Jeremy can't leave, so pinning that on Chloe is flimsy at best, and the worst she does per the script is kiss him. (Before anyone says it, the script says the squip made him drink. Animatics lied to you.) Still bad, yes, but far tamer than some fans act like it is.

Most of the scene beyond the lyrics and the kiss is just Chloe and Jeremy talking. Or Jeremy talking to a comedically malfunctioning squip. Or Chloe comedically pissing Jake off with fake sex noises. Do you see the problem? This scene can't decide if it's comedic or serious and is walking a sloppy middle road.

I can derive themes from the choices that were made ("sexy baby" showing the horror that comes from teen girls sexualizing themselves for peer approval/attention and symbolizing Chloe's entitlement and immaturity; the metaphorical and literal loss of control via the squip freezing Jeremy in place and telling him what to do throughout the show = overall loss of autonomy) and give Watsonian reasons for the weirder ones (creepily excessive baby innuendos because Chloe is drunk) but with how little they were capitalized on, I don't think the Joes did it on purpose. Or if they did, they were clumsy about it.

When the scene isn't joking about Chloe being a drunk sexy baby trying to get laid, it actually spends a lot of its time developing Chloe as a character by touching on her jealously of Brooke and having these blink-and-you'll-miss-it moments where we can see her insecurities and the conditioning that contributes to her actions. Why did she hear "You're the hottest girl in school" and automatically equate that to "Jeremy wants to kiss me?" How many boys saw nothing more than a pretty face and not an actual person? Has anyone actually bothered to unpack her bitterly asking if everyone likes Brooke "because she's nice," before sobbing about how "I can be nice, I can be so goddamn nice?" Has anyone ever given her the space to be a person and not The Hottest Girl In School?

Let me guess: it doesn't count because she was drunk.

We could've had an incredibly raw scene where The Mean Bitch Character (though drunk) opens up about all the pressure to play into that persona because nobody will give her the time of day otherwise. Nobody will try to get to know the real her. Nobody will let her show how goddamn nice she can be. She wants Jake back because who is the hottest girl in school if she's not with the hottest boy in school? She sees through Brooke's "wounded puppy routine" and is warning Jeremy about how she's just as fake as her. (You could technically interpret this as Chloe lying to sway him away from Brooke, but goddammit give Brooke some actual fucking flaws for once.) We could’ve seen PROOF that Chloe is more than Hot Girl #1. We could've seen an ACTUAL character.

Or, say we wanna keep the scene comedic, because this show has always been comedic first in my head. Make Chloe so shitfaced that she couldn't actually assault Jeremy if she tried. Keep the squip keeping him from leaving, but don't pretend that Chloe is any kind of actual threat. Make this whole thing just, weird and inconvenient. I have to get back to Brooke, no go throw up over there, can I just leave?? No I don't wanna drink. Why are you speaking in japanese?? What the fuck??? Chloe there like six pillows right there, you don't have to lay on me. Make Jake come along and pound on the door, THEN have Chloe make fake sex noises because it would be sooo funny if Jake thought that she and Jeremy were banging.

OR if y'all REALLY wanna demonize a teenage girl THAT FUCKING BADLY, we cut the jokes. We cut the song and we Actually Commit. Just have it be a short talking scene, but we see what direction it's going in through the blocking and body language. We cut the squip jabbering in Japanese. We cut Jake and Brooke. We fade to black and just jump to the (seemingly) empty bathroom where Jeremy runs in. We don't drag out the gratuity of sexual assault by showing it, but by showing how Jeremy acts after it. Show he's more on edge, more jumpy, show he was actually AFFECTED by what happened. Maybe TALK ABOUT IT, just a TINY FUCKING BIT. Make him BITTER toward the squip for MAKING him go through that. This isn't a show About sexual assault and recovery but FUCK at least give the scene a little more respect.

But dywh didn't commit to any of these and just gave us this weird scene that's interesting for Chloe's character but kinda bad but not bad enough to tone down the absurdity or actually be addressed later.

Fucking Rick and Morty had a more effective sexual assault scene. It was a small portion of one episode, sure, but there was FOLLOW-THROUGH. You SEE how the characters act differently afterward. The scene makes you uncomfortable in the RIGHT WAY. It Stopped Joking long enough to Punch You In The Gut. RICK AND MORTY, the drunk dimension-hopping grandpa show!!!

AND I maintain that dywh was meant to emphasize the SQUIP disobeying Jeremy's wishes more than Chloe, besides being an excuse to break the couples up. She couldn't fucking tell what Jeremy wanted (he didnt leave, she didnt know he couldnt; she misinterpreted him calling her hot, which is on her despite being drunk; he drank halfway through saying hes not a drinker, because some unseen force made him; CHLOE CANT CONSENT EITHER BECAUSE SHES DRUNK, AND THE SQUIP KNOWS THIS) until the last second when she GAVE UP, at which point she only cared if Jake THOUGHT she and Jeremy banged on his parents' bed and not if they actually DID.

The squip put him here fully knowing what Chloe wanted, fully knowing that Jeremy didn't want it. It doesn't care about the best interest of its host; just results. Who cares if Jeremy suffers a little if it gets us on the right path? Who cares what he wants? All that matters is what I want. Or, let's say the squip knew that Chloe wouldn't actually get in Jeremy's pants; it still made Jeremy live through the horror of not having the CHOICE to stay or go. To powerlessly WATCH it happen. The squip controlled his body at least once before this, and later forces him to fight Michael. Physically hijacking control his body is almost as LITERAL OF A METAPHOR AS IT GETS for this kind of thing.

That.

That is the villain of this fucking show.

Not a drunk and insecure teenage girl.

And dywh failed at showing you that.

[indianchindian]

I don't usually come on Twitter, because it is a shit show for sure, but I checked it out last night after seeing Be On Cloud's Instagram post about some event featuring Apo and KT Kratae (First Lady of BOC since she's literally the first woman to sign up this company and i hope more gender sign up for it apart from cis men) and then there is another which is for 4 Minutes that has Bible, Jes, Job, Bas and all. Then after this I saw a tweet and Mile wrote a long tweet supporting them. This is after the stupid gf fiasco happened, so some people were literally like "where is mile?" and some replied that he's making money and spending it all on his gf. In my interpretation, they mean it in a passive-aggressive way, that puts me off. I saw Mile's IG post about him doing a rehersal for a music event or something? Not very sure but idk why do they have to bring his gf here, apart from the fact that their delusions of Mile and Apo being a couple have broken, even though I heard that it was pretty much known amoung Thai fans since the KinnPorsche days that Mile already has a gf. Now people would be like "Why is he all touchy and holding hands with Apo?" like guys? So you don't know what same-sex friendships are like? I'd be a huge womanizer if I use their logic then lol, because I'm as affectionate with my female friends as them 😭

Thankfully I'm one of those who never saw MileApo as a couple. I always find their interactions to be wholesome, but to me they mostly act as friends. Sure I noticed that they were being a lil fan service-y, but that's part of the entertainment business. Unfortunately, a lot of fans feel entitled to dictate their lives. They love us as we do, but that doesn't give us such entitlement apart from them doing damn good at their jobs, i.e., entertainment. We only know their public personas, but we don't know what's behind that persona. That's the reality, whether it's sad or not.

Fuck that! On IG someone even tagged his gf and blamed (or sarcastically thanked) her for the sinking MileApo ship! Luckily someone said that they were never a couple in the first place. This is beyond deluded to begin with, and while I'm angry at the delusional shippers, I'm glad that this has broken the ship. And I'm also glad to have shipped them as KinnPorsche and not as MileApo. I freaking still love their chemistry, but it's only because they are besties and that their intimacy coordinator is damn fucking good at their job. Now back off if you still are mad at Mile or still delusionally ship MileApo. I don't mind those who are casual shippers though.

And all of this reminds me of Perth Nakhun pointing out in his BL Q&A video that a lot of fans become "body-language experts". Many months ago I pointed out on MyDramaList (I was very active there at that time) about a reel of Mile not touching a woman's upper-back while clicking a picture with her as she was wearing a backless dress, then transitioning to him being touchy-feely with Apo, saying that only he can touch Apo. I remember one person commenting that they don't know basic human interactions and this applies a lot 😁😁😁 anyways, bye-bye!!!!

[allycat75]

You know what I think of when I hear "I had no choice"?

When it is in reference to a rich white male who starred in a billion dollar franchise, I would have to say that you must have made some big mistakes that led up to this horrible choice, regardless of how many people you support or how much your team was supposed to take off the top. You didn't look close enough at a thing that burned your charmed life to the ground because nothing bad had ever happened before (you even said something so flip and callous during an interview about meditation during the "Lightyear" press tour- it was so shockingly dangerous I remembered it as disturbing even when I was still blinded by The Woke Political Avenger persona).

This lack of ability to cope with a bit of discomfort led you into a fantasy world, not unlike the construct your team created of you for your fans as a Disney Prince, living in your own fairy tale. You didn't have to confront some very concrete realities lurking in the shadows, until you actually did, only they grew exponentially enormous in size and in a moment of "Ready, Shoot, Aim" you decided this was your only option.

So do I feel bad? Yes, but not at any commensurate level to what you should be feeling. I am sensitive you suffer from anxiety and I do believe you have a good heart; part of the reason you got into this mess is that you gave too much and trusted too freely, but I also think you have been coddled and shielded from confronting the demons we all face, also contributing to your current demise.

So I am going to try to be delicate because I know you hate yourself (also a cause of this mess), but I am not going to sugar coat (I'm a Sagittarius and I'm owning my brutal honesty, but as my sister sign of Gemini you should respect that).

Your seemingly no choice decision, even if it had been successful to get you a string of plum roles, hurt many people. The teacher who had to quit because she supported a charity. Jinx, the small dog food company who thought they were signing America's dog dad to help establish themselves in the marketplace. Your loyal fans who saved you from a shattering embarrassment, just to be sacrificed as jealous, crazy and stupid for telling the truth. The people of marginalized communities who believed you were an ally, only to tie yourself- first as a boyfriend, then as a "husband", and hopefully soon as an 'ex-husband"- to an antisemetic, racist fat-shammer, making you guilty by association. And let's not forget all of the talented, hard working actresses that deserved a shot at their dreams- much more than your arrogant, immature, lazy, untalented and entitled wifey. They are all collateral damage in your scheme to save yourself.

But worst of all, you have used your family, friends and even your beloved dog to further this lie, over and over. I suspect this has not gone over well and many of these precious relationships are now strained. I am sure they would rather have you happy, present and whole than be treated to all expense paid trips to Disney World. And if not, they are just clout chasers and you should divest of them.

And what did you get? Still sucking hind teat for any roles, let alone good ones. And you know why? Because the same people who convinced you this was a good idea have something personally to gain by keeping you vulnerable and weak, and are the same ones giving you dreadful scripts, if any scripts at all. You are no longer an actor, but a reality TV star working 24-7 and not getting paid. In fact, I bet for every mistake made or engineered, they billed you for every second of clean up. You may have gotten a part or two, but all are a bit dubious in quality, and where before you could draw an audience to a mediocre or just plain terrible film to, at worst, break even, you are now often the reason it is labeled as awful and, unlike the dick pic, there are no loyal fans to save you. You don't fuck around with karma- it is real and it will find you in whatever pottery shed you hide.

I don't expect you to be super human. But you do have an obligation to be human, flaws and all. And right now you are an automaton, who has no clue of what you stand for because you sacrificed all of that for the handful of magic Nazi beans. Until you can get to the bare minimum of a person- maybe provide an elevator speech of who you are at your core- let yourself feel this pain and emptiness so you are never tempted to go down this road again. It is like an addiction and you need to detox the selfish, shallow privlege out of you.

Trust is the hardest thing to earn back and is at the backbone of any solid relationship so if you want it, you are headed for a dark, tough road ahead and you will have to work harder and more diligently than you will ever have to for anything else in your life, with no guarantee of external reward.

But is it worse than what you are feeling now?

[zot3-flopped]

Louis has to talk a big game about himself and his songwriting abilities because he knows the art doesn't speak for itself. Real artists like Harry don't have to constantly repeat “as an artist“ when they speak or give their opinion on something. It's like those people who describe themselves as “honest“ all of the time. If you're really that honest, why do you feel like you need to keep reminding us?

I think Louis knows deep down that he can't sing and that he doesn't have that “star quality“. That's why he keeps focusing on his knack for honest lyrics. That's why he keeps reminding us that he was the one behind the songwriting for 1D's biggest hits (even though he likely only added a few lyrics here and there). I mean, you can delude yourself all you want, but if the whole industry and general public keeps on commenting that you can't sing and that you act like an asshole, then deep down you're going to know it's true.

There are minor changes he could make, but he doesn't think he owes his fans anything. He talks about how he wants to just be himself and for people to accept him for that. Well, fine, dude, but your “self“ is rude, pompous, and worst of all lazy. And he knows he's lazy too. He will never even bother to dress in a way that his fans like. He just throws on a tank top and sweats for thousands of paying fans just so he can be comfortable. In general, he values his own comfort over his popularity, which will be his downfall.

He could have gotten singing lessons. His voice would've never been as liked as Harry's because it's not deep, but he could've at least had an okay voice. Instead, it's like listening to a screeching pre-pubescent child.

He could have put on a fake persona like some artists do, or even just stepped away from social media completely and become “mysterious“ like his ex friend Zayn. That would've been a smart idea since he can't help but not keep his mouth shut and just pisses everyone off and curses at them.

He could have changed his style, even if it's not what he actually likes. He could have hired a stylist who will style him like a popstar and actually try to make him look attractive (as much as they can...). A large part of popstardom is about looking attractive whether he likes that or not.

He could have stuck to making EDM music since those songs gained more popularity than his Oasis copycat music does now. If popularity isn't what he's after, then whatever. Fine. He doesn't have to do anything I listed, but he doesn't get to complain about getting no radio play or not charting.

I mean, I don't even know if he could be considered an indie artist. He's just got a fanbase who like him because they were fans of him in 1D. Even indie artists get played on the radio once in a while, or their song trends on tiktok. At least popular indie artists like Chappell Roan or Troye Sivan. Louis doesn't keep getting new fans. He's like a throwback act. Most of his fans have been bere since 1D and he's not gaining any new listeners on spotify. There's no opportunity for growth because he doesn't try to make himself appealing in any way.

I just think he's making music as an excuse to tour and party, like you mentioned before. There's no other explanation for why an artist wouldn't TRY. He knows he has a dedicated fanbase and that's all he ever caters to. He knows they'll stick around through every “fuck you“ he throws their way, as his clothing choice, lack of attempt to remember song lyrics he supposedly wrote, lack of attempt to preserve his voice let alone train it to be halfway decent, and lack of stage presence all demonstrate.

He's truly just a rich, entitled brat paying for his own career so he can look like he has a modicum of success and so he can party and do drugs on his fans' dime, while he gives them nothing in return.

Brilliant summary of Floplinson's many failings! 👏👏👏

[timewarpagain]

I am so sick of people trying to lecture others about being involved/interested in this whole mess. "PaRaSoCiaL ReLaTiOnSHiP" this "Entitlement™️" that, "yeah lol I like the Try Guys but I Don't Get why people care so much about-".

First of all, stop feigning ignorance as if the concept of gossip or community is foreign to you, you just come off as a try hard. I highly doubt you've gone your entire life without engaging in some sort of gossip or news that you heard about but didn't directly involve you. Like yeah we get it you're socially enlightened and Not Like Other Fans.

And you're right to an extent that fans aren't "entitled" to know every detail about a person's personal life. But considering the implications of the rumor (before it had been revealed to be true), the people involved, the fallout, and the very messy way the attempted coverup had been handled by the creative team, it's natural that people would be curious about what's going on. Like, you might have a point if this was some rando on the street or some lesser-known celebrity, or even one of the other Try Guys, but that doesn't really apply here. Ned's whole persona/Brand was built around him being a wholesome man in a group of guys who break down toxic masculinity and don't care about any preconceived notions about what it means to be a guy. Ned unabashedly loving and doting on his wife and child[ren] was a huge part of this. So many times in the media you get men who really seem like they don't care for their wives: the "Ball and Chain", "marriage is terrible", "Wife is a Nag", etc. crap, not to mention the amount of men who think that doing the bare minimum of parenting deserves praise or referring to taking care of their own kids as "babysitting".... but Ned wasn't like that. He outwardly cherished Ariel and their kids and never missed an opportunity to talk about them.

Ned cheating broke that sort of trust that he built with the viewers, destroyed the Wholesome Family Man image he projected, screwed over the Guys and their company, and most importantly hurt Ariel and their kids. And you could make the argument that we shouldn't be surprised by this because we didn't know everything about Ned's home life, and that private relationship issues should stay private, and to an extent I agree. However, that doesn't really work here because of multiple reasons.

If you remember the Paula Deen scandal, it's very similar to what happened here (and before you start screeching at me I'm not saying racism and cheating are the same thing). Paula Deen's image was that of a friendly and warm Southern grandmother, but when it was revealed that she'd used racial slurs in the past, it damaged that image and Food Network had to let her go. Ned's persona of being a devoted husband and caring family man is pretty much destroyed, and retroactively sours all the previous videos with or about Ariel and his kids. Second, he made no attempt to try and hide that he was cheating. He was out in public at a Harry Styles concert for fuck's sake. Did he really think no one would recognize him?

You can bitch and complain about "entitled fans" and "HE DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING" or whatever, but that doesn't apply here. They've marketed their family, marriage, and children into videos, podcasts, books, and shows. You can’t make a career based on people’s investment in your relationship and then beg for privacy when you fuck it up. And considering that they also have a Patreon, I think the viewers have a right to know who they're giving their money to so they can make an informed decision about where it goes.

To add onto that, not only did he cheat on Ariel, but he cheated with an EMPLOYEE that he was the supervisor of, which is a legal and ethical nightmare. And his actions affect nearly everyone: Ariel and the kids, Alex's fiance, the company that now has to do some insane damage control and rebranding, lost his job, and destroyed his friendship with Keith, Zack, and Eugene.

Over a fling.

[randombubblegum]

When do you think awsten really started to change? Like right after Fandom? I haven’t been a fan long enough to see the change, I just know he’s more annoying than ever and he makes fans mad. I’m surprised I’m still here 💀

I also don’t understand why he said in an interview that he’s doing so much better than he was prior to GH, yet I feel like GH has way more references to self-hatred and death than any of their other albums. I get his whole “fake it ‘til you make it” mentality regarding his confidence, but I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake, and I’m sure other fans feel the same way. I know this is probably old news especially since GH has been out for almost a year now, but I’ve only recently started watching their interviews, recent and old, and I really do see a big difference

its hard to say exactly but id put him Changing For The Worse actually BEFORE fandom, like in early 2019? thats when he fell in with super annoying nasty twitter funnymen™ in la and it made him a JACKASS. like SUCH an asshole holy shit it was awful. hes cut all of them off now (with dog girl being the last to go actually lol) but the very observable change in how he acted online from “funny chaos-loving endearing jokester” to “self-absorbed asshole with mean jokes and cruel clapbacks” happened shortly after he befriended elijah daniel and company.

and then THAT comically self-aggrandizing attitude carried him through fandom and only snowballed from there….. before fandom he used to joke with otto and geoff like “WATERPARKS IS THE RICHEST BAND IN THE WORLD WERE SOOO RICH” and it was funny bc they were clearly an up and coming band so it wasnt like that!! but it was so endearing and funny you couldnt help but root for them!!!! but then when fandom era hit awsten was like…. not kidding anymore about wanting to be rich and famous and the vibe shifted noticeably. the whole “i want a big house i want nice things” motif mixed with the “its the FANS fault i dont have those, they wont let me be successful like i could if i were a rapper” kind of……. like entitlement isnt exactly the right word, but something close to it, started coming through.

fandom was honestly NOT an insightful or good commentary on fandom itself but it rly set the stage for awsten to be a huge self-centered braggart lol….. all this whining about how his fans like him too much or not enough, dont respect the boundaries online he actively rewards them for breaking, how hes not rich enough, etc etc all started there imo. and fandom did better than any album before it, partly because hopeless records put a lot of work into its promotion and partly because they were doing so well touring after entertainment….

and then it all fell apart honestly. awsten channeled the same shit but worse for gh and kept getting nastier and nastier with his attitude. like interviews are really the best way to judge this for yourself and i think youll see EXACTLY what im talking about when you do: they went from being cute funny character showcases of all the members, awsten cheerful and friendly and cracking jokes, to like….. awstens the only one talking. awsten going on about how great he is. awsten saying his music is the best in the world with no hint of joking exaggeration. geoff and otto go from being silent in the background to just not being there at all. it fucking sucks and i think its VERY clear why so many fans feel upset and let down when u watch the interviews all together

as for the last part of your ask yeah i think awsten is way worse off mentally and emotionally in the gh era than he was even during fandom. hes always had this self-aggrandizing overly confident abrasive persona he puts on to, yknow, be able to perform while also shielding himself from vulnerability, and thats normal. everyone used to like it even, since it was so clear he was puffing his chest up and faking it till he made it. now its become impossible to determine where the asshole braggart narcissistic persona STOPS and awsten the real person STARTS…… and the absolute worst part of all of this is that, based on how he treats his friends and partners when the cameras are off, it might not end at all. they legit might be one and the same at this point

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

Wrong Number, Asshole - A Bakugou Katsuki Soulmate AU

All Parts

Part 24:

You groaned, rolling over to grab your dinging phone off the nightstand. 

Rubbing at your eyes, you sat up against your headboard, breathing deeply. As it turns out, a highly emotional day like the one you had yesterday could really tire a person out. It was so tiring in fact that you had collapsed almost the second you fell into bed last night. You had been pretty much dead to the world since. 

Opening your phone, you nearly rolled your eyes at the text waiting for you.

You scoffed. He sure was petulant today, wasn’t he?

He began typing again, but deleted his words.

Now, you were a little nervous. You weren’t being clingy- right? Sure, you really wanted nothing more than to see him again, and sort of felt that maybe you were entitled to that considering he was your soulmate, but maybe the feeling wasn’t mutual?

Who were you kidding, he might have texted you but that didn’t mean he liked you as much as you liked him. This was Bakugou after all, and even if he somehow did, he’d rather chew his own leg off than admit it. 

You read through the texts again, hoping and praying that you didn’t sound too desperate. It was another few minutes before he responded again. With an answer that really did absolutely nothing to quell your fears. 

You blinked owlishly at his reply, before sending him a quick “okay”. 

Bakugou always seemed to know when you were overthinking things- and, on one hand, it was annoying because he never understood that him and his dismissive words were the cause, but, on the other hand, it was nice. To finally feel understood for once. And to finally talk to someone who’s responses, when he tried, were intentionally made so blunt that you couldn’t possibly misunderstand them.

Sighing, you pulled your tired body out of bed and headed for the shower. Apparently your plans, which had originally consisted of being lazy the entire afternoon, were suddenly changing. Not that you were complaining though.

--/--

Stepping out of the cab, you noticed the crowd once again swarming the front of the hospital. The horde of people almost seemed to be moving as one mass, pushing and pulsing against the security guards standing at the entrance. There were a lot of people covered in Dynamite merch and face paint, even little kids dressed up like Bakugou and feigning explosions as they played.

 It seemed that Bakugou’s heroic deed had put him back in the public’s favor and now they all had gathered in a show of support- and while you could appreciate that as a symbol of community, you selfishly sort of wished they’d leave so visiting him would be less of a spectacle. 

You realized suddenly that more of this was definitely going to be in your future; the crowds of screaming people and adoring, over-excited fans. Your soulmate was a pro-hero after all, and quite possibly the loudest man you’d ever met- you should’ve known a quiet life wasn’t going to be an option. 

As it stood now, you had almost no idea how you were going to make it through the massive throng of bodies- and, even if you did somehow push to the front, how you were going to convince the guards to let you through at that point.

“Excuse me!” A young girl suddenly grabbed your arm, tiny fingers clasping around your wrist. “Do you know how to get in! I need to get in!”

You were blindsided, stopped in your tracks and held down by the girl. She was young, but not much younger than you- if you had to guess, she was 17 or 18, with bright eyes and a strong grip that surprised you. This, her, was certainly not what you expected out of today.

“I- why do you need to get in so badly?”

“Bakugou!” She exclaims, eyes glazed over starry and adoring. She thrusts out her other wrist, presenting you with a poorly drawn tattoo. “See? I’m his soulmate!” 

Your stomach drops, and for a second you nearly believe it- but then you snap out of it, and all you can think about is how strange the situation is. She was young, so obviously young, and so clearly charmed by your soulmate’s hero persona. You thought it was a little funny- if she knew Bakugou like you did, you were almost sure she wouldn’t be as delighted with him. 

You weren’t sure how to respond. The immature, prideful part of you wanted to scoff and shake her hands off of you- to tell her just how foolish she looked talking to his actual soulmate. But, then again, you weren’t sure you could say anything about that at all. In all the research you’d done on him, you hadn’t seen a single mention of a soulmate- he never talked about it, never let anyone see even a hint of your name tattooed on him. Maybe he wanted to hide it for the sake of his career? Or, worse, was embarrassed of it?

“H-his soulmate, huh?” You stutter out, unsurely. 

“Yep! So that’s why I need to get in there so bad! To make sure he’s okay!” She rambles. “So, will you help me get in?”

“Y/n! Y/n L/n!” You hear a familiar voice yell, and when you look towards the sound, all you see is a flash of red hair and hands waving emphatically.

Kirishima. Thank god.

“I’ve gotta go.” You shake the girl’s hand off, slightly jostling her with the force.   “I’m so sorry!” 

You hardly recognize the disappointed look in her eyes before your arm is grabbed once again- but this time by a security guard as he leads you to the front. The guard deposits you at the entrance, just a few feet from where Kirishima is waiting for you.

“Sorry about that.” The red-head chuckles nervously, opening the door up for you. “I uh- I woulda said something earlier, but I couldn’t see you to point out for a guard. It’s totally my bad!”

“No, it’s good, you’re good.” You reassure him, following him as he leads you to the stairwell from yesterday. “Thanks for saving me. I was pretty overwhelmed.”

“Yeah. It can get pretty crazy out there- not as crazy as Bakugou, though! You shoulda totally seen him screamin’ and yelling at the window when you walked up. He was super pissed.”

“Sounds like him.” You can’t help but smile. “Doesn’t surprise me at all.” 

“Yeah.” Kirishima nods. “Who was that girl- you know her?”

Your silence and the uneasy expression that rolls across your face must give it away- he almost immediately pales.

“Oh! Yeah- sorry, none of my business, right?” Kirishima turns to face you, stopping at the step above you for a moment and throwing out placating hands. “It’s totally cool, don’t feel obligated or anything, I was just curious! Sorry for prying though, that wasn’t manly of me at all.”

You almost couldn’t believe Kirishima was such close friends with Bakugou- he seemed like the total opposite of your soulmate.

“No! It’s fine- I wasn’t offended or anything. Just,” You paused, looking at you feet as they climbed higher. “She wanted me to help her get in. To Bakugou. Said she was his soulmate.” 

Kirishima turns around again, his feet nearly catching on the step as his mouth drops open. “She said that? To you! That’s insane!”

“Yep.” You nod, slightly breathless and you finally reached the fourth floor. You let out a small chuckle as you continued down the hallway. “She was young though- definitely a fan, so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t really want to crush her dreams in front of all of those people.”

“Man, that’s good. She’d probably be super upset, right? Good job!” He throws you an enthusiastic thumbs up, all shark teeth and bright eyes. “Still though- I shoulda guessed it was somethin’ crazy like that. You looked totally freaked out back there!” 

“Did I really?”

“Mhm,” He nods, finally stopping in front of Bakugou’s door. “I- uh, I better stay out here. He’ll be real mad if I let anyone else through. Especially if you’re in there.” 

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.” You push the handle open, turning back for just a moment. “Nice to see you, though. Thanks again for the save, Kirishima!” 

When you enter the room, you’re surprised to find Bakugou, grumpy and sitting in a chair next to the window. And not in his hospital bed resting- where you’re almost 100% sure he should be. He’s clad in a weird combination of hospital pants and his own sweatshirt- it only serves to make him look even more petulant as he sits with his pinched expression.

“You seemed real buddy-buddy with Shitty Hair.” He grumbles, but there’s a smile beginning to tug at his lips as you near. “You think he’s better than me or some shit?”

“Oh- yeah. Loads. Loads better actually.” You joke, taking the vacant seat next to him. When you turn to look at him, he’s already glaring at you. “Oh calm down, grumpy, I was joking. Box dye and bandanas aren’t really my thing.”

Bakugou laughs. “He’s been pullin’ that shit since high school. Kinda losin’ all hope he’ll ever be cool.”

“Hey- don’t be mean! Maybe he’s just an extra-late bloomer, you never know.” You sigh, fixing him with a serious stare. “Now, though, we should really move onto more pressing matters.”

“Which are?”

“You in one of these chairs, and not in a hospital bed!” You near shrieked. “Which- by the way, I looked it up- four stories is 40 feet! You fell 40 fuckin’ feet and you’re not in a hospital bed, right now!” 

Bakugou just rolls his eyes, fixing his gaze on the window once more. “Stop your freakin’ out already, woman, I’ll be fine. I’m already healed from all the big injuries anyway- so just shut the fuck up about it already.” 

“The big injuries- what about the small ones? Bakugou! 40 feet! Do you know how much that is! I feel like you’re not taking this seriously enough!” 

“Who cares.” He shrugs, settling into his seat with a slight wince. “Didn’t fuckin’ kill me, so who cares.” 

“Me! You idiot! How many times do have to make this clear to you!” 

Bakugou just looks at you, eyes widening as he breath catches. He looks genuinely and plainly shocked- easily the most expressive you’d seen him be aside from rolling in pure anger.

“I already told you, you fuckin’ asshole, that I like you and care about you! So of course I’m happy that you’re not dead, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about the small stuff!” You emphasized, sighing as you run an errant hand through your hair. “And I can see you’re still fucking hurt, so of course I’m going to freak out when you’re not in a hospital bed- like you should be, and you’re not sitting there resting- like you should be! Who the hell even helped you up? Why the fuck would they ev-”

“Shut up already. I get it.” He mumbles, and when you look at him his cheeks are bright red and he’s biting his knuckle. His eyes are alive though- bright and simmering and so very, very red. “I got up myself. Don’t go blamin’ anyone else for it.” 

“God. Of fucking course you did! You know- you make yourself really hard to care for, right?” 

“I know.”

“And it’s just like- I do it anyway, you know! And get shit-all nothing but anxiety and still choose to do it anyway! You’re so fucking frustrating!”

“I know.”

You turn to look at him, but he’s already looking at you, something soft and pleased growing at the edge of his lips. 

“No! Don’t just sit there and start smiling.” You huff, pointing an emphatic finger at his stupid smiling face. “I’m mad at you and you need to go back to bed so don’t just fuckin’ smile at me!” 

“I get it.”

“No, obviously, you dont! Because you’re not getting up! So, c’mon,” You stand from your chair, offering a hand. “Let me help you.”

Bakugou just looks at your hand, glares at it, and stands by himself. You can see the strain plainly on his face- how the action winds him and how it sends pain shooting through his battered body. When you look at his eyes though, all you can see is resolute stubbornness. With great effort, and even greater determination, Bakugou manages to hobble over to the wall, dropping against it. His shoulders hit first, and then he’s rolling all of his weight back onto them.

You were stunned- not that he chose to do it, because of course he chose to, but mostly that he’d succeeded. You’d seen a clip of his fall, it was playing on the news before you’d left your house, and it looked nasty. When he hit the ground, all of his limbs were so mangled and impact alone knocked him out clean. The injuries he still had, broken bones and cracked ribs, at the very least, must’ve still been causing him great pain- and yet he surpassed those with sheer force of will alone. It would’ve impressed you; if seeing him in so much pain didn’t make you so sad.

“That didn’t look comfortable. I really think you need crutches, angry man.” You point to the bed. “Or you could just go lay back down, like you’re supposed to, and we could forget this whole argument.”

“No thanks. Done bein’ fucking fussed over. The only reason I haven’t left yet is because there’s people everywhere.” 

“And because you’re not supposed to, remember?”

“No. It’s good now. Nurse said I could.” He says, groaning when you stare back at him entirely unimpressed. He points to a bundle of papers and medication on the bed. “Look, gave me all the discharge instructions and everything. I’m not fucking lying.”

You walk over, flipping quickly through the packet of instructions. Bakugou wasn’t lying- he really was approved for discharge apparently, albeit under very specific instructions for not over-exerting himself. Which he was obviously doing so great at so far. 

Sighing, you folded the papers and placed them in the bag with all of his medicine. Regardless of what he wanted, you were going to make sure he took care of himself. And that included, taking all of the medication and performing the physical therapy outlined on the papers.

“Alright, then. Guess we’re going, after all.” You clap your hands together in finality, before grabbing the bag of medication. “I still think you need crutches though.”

You look him up and down, eyes zeroing in on the way he was huddled against the wall. All his weight was in his shoulders, and in any other situation, you might’ve thought it was an effortlessly cool pose- but not here. Not in this hospital room with him dressed in weird clinical sweats and a childish expression.

“I’m not getting crutches. Lame as shit.”

“Are you kidding me? Your body is literally beat to hell- who cares about how cool you look right now?”

Bakugou just nods toward the window, and you peer down to see the crowd from earlier still gathered below. It seemed like cameras and reporters had also joined, and they were making a worrying amount of headway to the door, pushing against security impatiently. It looked entirely overwhelming, if you were honest.

“If I leave with crutches,” He starts. “Then I gotta hear about that shit for fuckin’ weeks.”

“Are you serious?” You ask appalled. “You’re obviously injured! What the hell are they even gonna s-“

Bakugou just hits you with a pointed stare, and it stops you in your tracks.

He’s right. Any weakness- even crutches when injured- would read bad for his career. It would shatter the illusion people had of him. Of his infallibility and limitless strength.

“It’ll draw too much fuckin’ attention,” He elaborates, pulling the hood over his head. “No shitty sweatshirt could help me then.”

“Wait, that’s your disguise for sneaking out? A sweatshirt?”

Bakugou just nods, suddenly pulling the hood up and over his head. It flattens his wild hair against his forehead, and you nearly squeal. He looks adorable- although still very much like himself. You weren’t so sure this disguise would cut it, but you were pretty much out of other options. It would have to make do.

“Yeah. Okay. I get it, put the hood back down.” You pause, trying your hardest to think of another solution. “How about a wheelchair?”

Bakugou just looks even more offended- like your last request was a front to his very dignity. Hell, knowing him as you did, you figured it probably was.

“Yeah, fine, I get it, angry man- no wheelchair.” You sigh. “At least let me help you then? I mean, it looks like you need something at least.”

“No. I fuckin’ don’t.” He refuses hotly, shifting his weight agitatedly against the wall. “I’m fine.”

You roll your eyes, you should’ve expected him to be difficult about this. It seemed that appearing weak was his greatest fear; you thought that was a little ironic- that his biggest weakness was weakness itself.

“Seriously- please. You look like you’re about to keel over where you stand, Bakugou!”

“I told you not to fuckin’ call me that, anymore.” He retorts angrily, but you watch him wince when he moves too much. “And I told you, I’m fine. So just shut the hell up about it already.”

You watch him for another moment, taking careful stock of the way he leans back on his shoulders and curls his arms around his sides. You didn’t ask him specifically- but you’re sure now, Bakugou’s at least got broken ribs- among many other broken and sprained things probably.

Fine, if he won’t readily accept your help, than you’ll just have to goad him into admitting his own failure.

“Hmm, sure, then step away from the wall then, hot shot.”

He’s quiet, but you watch as his eyebrows pinch and his cheeks redden.

“Why? Stop bein’ fuckin’ weird! I’m just standing for a second, leave me the hell alone, shitty woman.”

You just shake your head. It almost disgusts you how much rolling fondness smothers what should’ve definitely been annoyance.

“So, you’re telling me,” You start, walking a little closer to him. “That if you stepped away from this wall right now- that you wouldn’t immediately fold in half like a lawn chair?”

“No!”

“Okay. So do it then, pop rocks. C’mon. Let’s see.”

“I’m- I’m not just gonna fuckin’ do something just because you goddamn told me too!”

“Not even if it’s a challenge?” You tease, nearing him even more. You’re just a few measly feet away now, staring defiantly up at petulant red eyes. “Because it is- a challenge. I bet you that you can’t do it.”

“Fuck you.” He grits out, but then he’s pushing off his shoulders and standing straight. “See? That’ll teach ya to run your stupid mouth about shit you don’t know dick about.”

“Hmm, good words, Katsuki- expressive, even. We’ll see how long you last.”

He doesn’t say anything, but you can see his jaw clenched down; his shoulder’s strung tightly, the slight twitch in his calves. Katsuki isn’t going to stay upright for much longer.

You move before you even recognize it, sidling up to him and ducking under his arm.

“What are you- Stop! Get the hell away!” He barks harshly, but stands in place, not really doing much other than flushing violently. “It’s- I don’t need your fuckin’ help!”

“No, Katsuki, chill out- stop,” You laugh, rearranging his heavy arm over your shoulder. “If we’re doing this then I’m going to help you!”

“Lemme go! I’ll fuckin’ crush you, I don’t need your help!”

“Okay, yes, fine, maybe you don’t need it, but it would make me feel a whole lot better if you accepted it,” You huff, your hand wrapped tight around his wrist. “And you won’t crush me- I’m a big girl, I promise I’ll be fine. So just stop being stubborn- for me? Please?”

He growls, rolling his eyes to the ceiling- but then he’s shuffling closer to you and shaking his head. If you thought his arm was heavy before, you were sorely mistaken- when Katsuki finally surrenders, the solid weight of all his muscles nearly takes you out. You stumble for a moment before regaining your balance.

“Idiot. Thought you said you could handle it?” Katsuki looks down at you, smirking slightly before once again rolling his eyes. “Now, c’mon, fuckin’ get on with it, sunshine.”

You resist the sudden slight urge to nudge his ribs, or let him collapse to the ground- this was your idea, and you wouldn’t let your child of a soulmate talk you out of helping him.

“So, I was thinking-“ You begin to shuffle with him, slightly breathless. “We sneak out the back. Or something. There’s a crowd outside.”

“Already established that, several times, fuckin’ ages ago, dipshit- and of fuckin’ course there is. It’s me.”

“Oh my god, this is not the time for your ego!” You groan, but still keep a steady pace as you begin, towards the door. “Speaking of, though, one of your fangirls told me somethin’ real interesting on the way in, though.”

“Christ. What?”

“Apparently, she’s your soul mate.” You laugh, shallowly, trying to project a confidence you couldn’t feel. “C’mon, Katsuki, you should’ve told me! Total dick move that I had to find out from her!”

He scoffs, patting your shoulder with the hand strung across it. “You fuckin’ tell her off or somethin’?”

“Nope. I told her that I think you guys would make a really cute couple!”

“Are you fuckin’ serious?”

“No- of course not.” You say stopping in front of the door for a quick break. You suddenly weren’t sure whether you could really do this or not. “I didn’t say much of anything, really, didn’t know if I could.”

“Hah?” He looks down at you funny, red eyes squinting. “Fuck’s that mean?”

“You know, your career? Didn’t wanna say anything just in case.”

“Incase’a what?”

“I- I don’t know,” You stutter, suddenly feeling insecure. You focus your eyes on the tiles beneath your feet so you don’t have to look at his eyes. Eyes that you can feel boring into the side of your head. “Just in case, you know?”

“No. I fuckin’ don’t.” He says, mild irritation coloring his voice from above you. “Stop thinking so goddamn much, I can’t fuckin’ keep up- just tell me what you’re all worked up over.”

“It’s-“ You sigh, ringing your hands together anxiously. “You’re- you’re not embarrassed, right? Because, I know I shouldn’t have done this but I was looking you up again, and I just- I didn’t see anything about you having a soulmate? Anywhere? Ever? Do you just not want people to know or- because that’s totally fine, you know, like I get it, you’ve got this super big career outside of me and I’m totally fine if you just wanna like not say anything to anyone or lik-“

“Idiot. Stop thinking so much.” Bakugou tilts his head towards the ceiling. “I’m not fuckin’ embarrassed of you.”

“T-then why?” You ask hesitantly, while staring at your feet. You’re not sure if it’s the jarring movement as he rearranges his weight or your racing heart, but either way you’re feeling sick. “Actually- you know what, it’s fine, forget I even said anything. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Bakugou doesn’t say anything, just nods and stays silent. Then he looks down at you, at the way you won’t meet his eyes, and he groans.

“Fuckin- fine. God, you always make me say the most embarrassing shit.” He gripes, flushing slightly as you finally look up at him. “It’s not because of any of that stupid shit. It’s- I fuckin’, ugh, I didn’t want somebody else findin’ you or whatever before I did.”

“What? Find me? Who?”

“God, you’re fuckin’ dense.” He scoffs, but when you look up he’s still smiling lazily down at you. “People. Media. Fuckin’ villians probably too.”

“Holy shit.”

“Chill out. I kept fuckin’ quiet so you don’t gotta worry about that now. Besides-“ He turns his head away, cheeks flushing slightly. “I’d blast all those fuckin’ weaklings to hell if they tried anything now. So don’t get all anxious about it or whatever.”

You just look down at your feet, smiling at his words but still feeling unsure nonetheless. You understood- for sure, but that didn’t mean the weight of all these consequences was easy to bear.

“Now can we go? Are we done worryin’ about stupid shit?” He asks lightly, jostling you slightly. “Got more important things to do.” 

You nod, opening the door just to watch Kirishima stumble backwards.

“Oi- shitty hair! What’re you leanin’ against my door like that for?”

“Oh! Hey guys!” He greets cheerfully, before taking stock of the situation. He tilts his head. “You guys leaving?”

“Obviously.” Bakugou scoffs, but then he’s leaning in toward his friend, dropping his other hand heavy on the red-head’s shoulder. “Need ya to distract anyone who walks up here though. Gonna leave the other way and go out the fuckin’ back.” 

“Oh- yeah, okay! Got it, man! You sure you should be leaving though?”

“That’s what I said.” You interrupt, glaring Bakugou into silence as he tries to speak. “But he insisted- and I’ve got all his meds and instructions so I think we’ll be alright. Maybe. If we’re lucky.”

“Don’t just fuckin’ talk about me like I’m not standin’ right here, shitty woman!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t so difficult all the time!” You retorted. “Now, you can handle it from here, right Kirishima? We really could use your help.”

“Yep! Totally got this! You guys go on ahead, I’ll stand guard right here!” He flashes a bright smile at you, before pointing down the hall. “There’s a staff elevator just down there. You should use that- it’ll probably be way faster. Good luck!” 

You just nod, smiling brightly at him as you pull Bakugou in that direction.

“Oi- not so fuckin’ fast!” He shouts, stumbling slightly.

“Keep your voice down, angry man! Everyone’s gonna know it’s you!”

“How the fuck is my voice gonna give it away?” He says, while simultaneously screaming like a banshee in the middle of an otherwise quiet hallway.

“Like that! So keep it down, good fucking lord.” You grumble, a breath of relief leaving your mouth as you finally near the elevator. You push the button, sighing as the doors open.

Bakugou shuffles away from you, leaning against the back wall and staring moodily at you as you press the button. The elevator surges downward, and after a minute or so the doors began to open again. You shouldered his arm once more looking up to see him pulling the hood of the sweatshirt farther down his face. He looked adorable and you couldn’t keep yourself from staring.

“Oi- fuck you lookin’ at, woman?”

“Nothing.” You laughed. “Now, c’mon, we’ve still got a ways to go.”

Sneaking Bakugou out was no easy affair to begin with, and he certainly didn’t help whatsoever. His frame was just too large and too heavy, and there was no possible way he could be quiet, especially considering his thundering steps, even when he wasn’t screaming. He seemed to attract attention no matter where he was or what he was doing. People were starting to stare as you booked it towards the back exit- you needed to move. And quick.

“Jesus christ,” You huffed, breathless and slightly irritated. You point at his stomach as you pull him along. “I know you’re hurt, but could you at least try and engage those core muscles you so obviously have?”

“You said you’d be fuckin’ fine, sunshine.”

“God, you’re difficult.” You shook your head, rolling your eyes at the sight of his amused little half-smile. “You think this is funny don’t you?”

Bakugou doesn’t say anything, but when you look up at him, there’s still that small smile edging at his lips. He seems to hold it, even through his grunts of obvious pain.

“Wow, of course you do. Immature, angry, loud man.”

“Who says I’m fuckin’ loud?” He asks hotly, pulling his shoulders in as you both shimmy through the, admittedly, small back door. “I’m not fucking loud!”

“God, you’re screaming right now! Do you even hear yourself?” You wince, but feel relieved as you help him hobble to the curb. “How’s a taxi sound, pop rocks?”

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that. I hate it. Don’t do it again.” He grumbles. “But it’s fine- whatever, I don’t care.” 

“Great.”

You raise your hand up, nearly crying in relief when a taxi rolls up to the curb. When you help Bakugou in, and slide in the seat next to him, you’re almost overcome with satisfaction. Sneaking him out was one of the most difficult tasks you thought you’d ever taken on- both physically and mentally, and god, were you glad it was over.

--/--

As it turns out, explosive personalities don’t always lend themselves to explosive environments.

Bakugou’s apartment was clean, tidy, nearly spotless when you helped him walk in. It surprised you, truly, but he didn’t let you sit on that thought for long. He brushed you off, hobbling slowly down a long hallway without a word. It takes a few minutes, but Bakugou enters the room at the end and slams the door shut behind him.

Oh- What exactly were you supposed to do now?

In reality your fingers were itching to open drawers and rifle through cabinets, and just generally snoop but you, of course, knew better. So you instead chose to read through the instruction papers and medications once more- just to busy yourself and maybe see if there was anyway you could help him. Since, apparently, Bakugou was not keen on asking you for assistance himself.

You hear the door open again, and Bakugou comes unsteadily down the hallway, nearly collapsing when he reaches his couch. He’s dressed in new sweats, and he turns to look at you.

“Fuck you doin’ over there?”

“Meds, angry man.” You say, doling out the few necessary pills from a bottle. “Where’s your glasses?”

“You don’t have to fuckin’ do that.”

“What- you’re gonna force yourself to get up again?” You ask him, unimpressed. “You’re hurt, so just please let me help you. At least with this.”

He nods tightly, mouth pressed into a thin line. “Glasses are in the cabinet behind ya.”

You nod, filling a glass of water for him and walking the medication over. Watching as he took it, you weren’t exactly sure what to do now. So you just sort of hovered next to the couch, arms around your stomach anxiously.

“What’re you doing- sit the fuck down already, idiot.” He pats the seat next to him. “Stop being weird. Freaks me the hell out.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” You laughed. “Just didn’t wanna assume- in case you wanted me to leave or something.”

“Wouldn’t have let you in if I wanted you to leave. Dumbass.” He reaches over, flicking your forehead lightly. “Your stupid thoughts are clogging up the air. Stop it.”

“Hey!” You whine, rubbing at your forehead. “Not nice, angry man! I’ll let it go this time, but try it again and I promise you’ll really be hurting.”

“Mhm. I’m sure.”

He settles further into the couch, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. The mid-day sun floods through the window, hitting the column of his throat, and casting him in gold. You think he’s beautiful then. Far more beautiful than anyone else you’d ever known.

“Yeah, sorry.” You breathe out, suddenly a little nervous by your close proximity to him. “Think those’ll probably make you a little sleepy.”

“Fuckin’ stellar.”

“Don’t sound so grumpy- it’s just a nap. And besides, you should probably be taking one anyway.”

“It’s not that.” He peeks an eye open, lazily rolling his head to catch your gaze. “You hungry?”

“No- I’m good. Are you?” You ask suddenly. “I can totally get you something? Or make you something? What do you have here? What do you want?”

“Jesus, sunshine. Slow the fuck down.” He breathes, turning his head back to the ceiling with a small, fond, smile. He sighs sleepily. “I’m good. Just wanted to ask ya.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

He mumbles something, but you don’t quite catch onto it. It’s quiet for a few moments, before his breathing is starting to slow. Your surprised at just how tired he seems to be, but then again, he was taking some pretty strong pain meds. As it stands now, he seemed minutes from falling asleep, and you were worried about the strain he was putting on his neck.

“Hey- you shouldn’t fall asleep like that.” You touch his shoulder lightly, fingers just barely brushing the fabric of his shirt. “Lay down, I’ll get up.”

Bakugou just opens his eyes, only glancing at you for a moment before he closes them again. Then he’s tipping over, a flurry of heavy limbs and awkward weight hitting your lap. When you look down at him, his eyes are squeezed tightly closed and he’s blushing wildly. He kicks his feet up off the floor, and settles in, quickly becoming deadweight across your thighs.

“O-oh.” You say, breathless. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Mhm. Now shut the fuck up, I’m tryin’ to sleep.” 

“Yeah.” 

You’re winded, short of breath and flushing bright red from his actions; but still, you find you absolutely can’t help yourself. So, with shaking breaths, you’re carding fingers through his hair before you can think better of it. 

When you look down at him, Bakugou’s only gone brighter red, but he’s smiling too. He stills, before suddenly peaking one eye open.

“Wake me up for dinner, alright, idiot?”

You nod and then he’s closing his eyes again, chest rising and falling slowly. He’s asleep and dead to the world in just a few minutes, but you can’t stop staring.

You knew you liked him- liked him a lot, as a person, not just a soulmate. You liked his weird brand of humor and his insults and death threats. You liked his masked concern and blunt words, you were even strangely fond of his yelling- but you weren’t prepared for just how much those feelings would amplify when he was so close. He was close, and warm, and breathing under your fingertips and you liked him so much. More than you’d ever liked anything or anyone else in your entire life. 

You were stricken, absolutely smitten, and there was nothing you could do about it. Or even wanted to really. So you just stared, eyes tracking his calm features as you worked careful fingers through his soft hair.

You understood now- why so many of your peers had told you they were jealous. Why they had all sighed dreamily when you told them, before immediately wishing to be you. Having a soulmate was inexplicable completeness and undeniable purpose- it was finality and new beginnings all in one.

You understood now, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

//-//

ee soz this took so long!! no excuses lmao i just stupidly started playin genshin and holy shIT was that bad for my productivity ahahaha

hope u enjoy my lovelies!!!!

[bigskydreaming]

Dick has said it out loud explicitly, to Damian, that the mantle of Robin was his to pass on. Why do people still feel entitled to talk over him?

IMO? For the exact same reasons that people harp on so much about it being a retcon that Robin was Dick’s mother’s nickname for him and that originally he based the name on Robin Hood. To be perfectly honest that doesn’t make a damn bit of difference in regards to the fact that either way the point is still that Dick created Robin and it wouldn’t exist without him.....but the constant attempts to minimize its emotional significance to Dick and any kind of special attachment to it that he has and that the others can’t claim to share....

IMO these are just attempts to distance Dick from the mantle and make him seem less relevant or important to its very existence....freeing up people to focus on the importance of Robin as a symbol and a mantle to everyone else but without having to attribute any special credit or significance or respect to Dick as the originator of the mantle and the character that the other Robins are literally the legacy characters of.

It’s pretty annoying and very shortsighted IMO as actually, emphasizing the connection Robin has to Dick’s first family just enhances the weight and poignancy of Dick ultimately giving each of the other Robins his blessing when he didn’t have to and thus literally choosing them as his new family even without having to rely solely on a connection to each other via Bruce.

Of course people don’t seem to really want to do that either....given how rarely Dick’s blessing even gets acknowledged amid all the angst about who replaced who and who was fired and who wasn’t. It’s kinda ironic...I know so many fans HATE the version where Bruce fires Dick and so whatever they can not to acknowledge it and dismiss it as a retcon....and the ironic thing is? I get it. I totally see why it’s not something they want to run with and to be quite honest I can take it or leave it myself. I like exploring versions of events where Dick was fired, I like exploring ones where he wasn’t. Both have room for digging and delving imo.

My only beef with people who are soooo loud and quick to always dismiss the firing as just a retcon that doesn’t count.....is that in the pre Crisis version of events where Dick voluntarily gave up Robin and decided it was time to move onto a new identity....he gave Robin to Jason himself. The significance of that version of events isn’t JUST that it was Dick’s own choice to move to a new identity and that there was no conflict between him and Bruce about it...it was equally of significance that the Robin mantle was still viewed as inherently his, made by him, and his and his alone to pass on to a successor.

There is no version where Dick gave it up voluntarily but had no role in choosing Jason. The very premise of that mix and match honestly makes no sense because why make such a fuss about Bruce not having overstepped and fired Dick when it was never his place to say what he could claim as his identity or mantle on his OWN (fire him as his partner, sure that was always Bruce’s right, but tell Dick he couldn’t be the hero persona he created for himself? Fuck off Bruce LOL).

But my point is that mix and match makes no real sense because why preserve Bruce’s character from stepping between Dick and the mantle he created to honor his first parents....only to then turn right around and have Bruce still treat it as a Wayne family hand me down that Dick had outgrown when it was only EVER a Grayson family hand me down whose only connection to the Wayne family was through Dick being a member of both families and a bridge connecting them?

Whether Bruce fires Dick as Robin and gives it to Jason or JUST gives it to Jason without Dick making that choice....the one isn’t any better than the other because in both cases the actual offense is still the same: it was never Bruce’s to do ANYTHING with other than what Dick wanted done with it. Take on a new partner? Sure. But give him the mantle made of Dick’s work, Dick’s past, Dick’s every action as Robin? Nope.

So really the mix and match only serves one real purpose, for anyone who is intent on dismissing the firing as just a retcon but sees no need to uphold Dick choosing to give Robin to Jason instead of Bruce doing that...when Bruce doing that is literally part of the exact same retcon they’re so intent on discarding!

The only real purpose that mix and match serves is to keep Bruce centered in the Robin succession with his choice to give it to Jason being the basis of Jason associating Robin with Bruce. It keeps Bruce as the person Jason thinks of and feels connected to every time he thinks of why he’s Robin at all....because Bruce is the one who gave him the symbol that was already well known and full of meaning when Jason stepped into those shoes.

And then of course at the same time the mix and match also ‘lessens’ Bruce’s offense to Dick in taking Robin against his wishes WHILE also suggesting that Dick has less basis of feeling resentful of Bruce passing it on to someone else without his say so because it’s not like he was using it anymore right? And that was his own choice right?

But so what if it was? That doesn’t make it any less his creation and his legacy. It doesn’t make it any less a Grayson family connection and somehow more a Bruce Wayne family connection.

And that’s my beef. That’s the big irony of how flat out counter intuitive the mix and match retcon thing is and always has been. It only accomplishes half its objective....keeps the later Robins more connected to Bruce via it than they are to Dick via it....because it ultimately still runs through Bruce. But it fails to accomplish its secondary objective simply because refusing to acknowledge that Robin is intrinsically tied to Dick Grayson and not Bruce Wayne like....doesn’t actually make it any less true.

And that’s why imo the question should never have been “does your fic go with the version where Dick gives up Robin or the retcon where Bruce fires Dick” ...no, the right question in my mind should have always been “does your fic go with the version where Dick gives Robin to Jason or the retcon where Bruce gives it to Jason.”

And here’s the sticking point:

People always point to Bruce and Dick’s initial connection as the basis of their entire Dynamic Duo partnership. They understood each otrher via their parallel experiences losing their parents to murder. Bruce saw himself in a young Dick Grayson and he wanted to help Dick figure out a way forward to life after his parents’ death by drawing upon his own experiences.

But at the same time, they aren’t the same. Even with Bruce guiding Dick forward through his trauma and grief by following a map made of his own prior experiences, the end result was not the same for both....but it still used some of the same road marks on their respective journeys.

And this is why the Dynamic Duo were always emphasized as partners, as complementing each other, balancing each other....things they could only do because they were not the same and even using similar coping mechanisms to deal with their PARALLEL tragedies....produced entirely different results.

Both used their tragedies, their traumas, their PAIN to fuel their pursuit of justice and desire to help protect people. Both built new personas for themselves to use in their shared missions here....personas which embodied what they wanted to accomplish in these guises while at the same time reminding them why they were doing this.

But the personas they created ended up looking very different despite being born of similar crucibles...because they prioritized different things....and because they were honoring different people.

No matter how much Bruce and Dick have in common due to circumstances they are very different people who are both products of the families and places they come from....and thus even when using similar PROCESSES to build something out of their parallel tragedies, what emerged from the fires once they were done creating from their traumas.....don’t look the same. Aren’t interchangeable.

And neither are their creators.

Bottom line, it in my opinion flat out does not work to attribute more connection to Robin and the succession of that mantle to Bruce than Dick.....because Bruce would never, COULD never create that specific mantle out of his grief and pain any more than Dick ever would or could have created Batman out of his. Because they are too different. They needed different things out of their journeys forward, they were commemorating having had different journeys behind them, they were walking a shared path side by side but you can’t switch the clothes they made to wear going forward anymore than you can switch their footprints beneath their feet....they don’t fit into what the other made because it wasn’t made BY them and it wasn’t made FOR them.

So riddle me this, Batfandom: how does it make sense to focus on their parallel tragedies and how they moved forward from those in similar ways and on a shared trajectory, emphasizing how this is the entire basis of the Batman and Robin partnership from its very inception.....

Only to then view the role Bruce’s grief, his loss, his pain played in birthing the Batman mantle as something sacrosanct, undeniable....these things go hand in hand, there’s no separating them even when others end up wearing the Batman mantle as well, even through multiple generations....

But at the EXACT SAME TIME....treating Dick’s grief, HIS loss, HIS pain and the role all THAT played in birthing the Robin mantle....as something that barely comes up as a footnote the second you put the costume on anyone other than Dick? Something the others never even feel inclined to THINK about when reflecting on the mantle they’re wearing and where it came from and why it exists?

Why is the one rated as so less significant than the other....if the entire point of Batman and Robin is that both heroes were born from the ashes of tragedies so similar they understood each other in ways most other mentors and sidekicks never came close to?

How’s that work exactly?

Look, you’ll never catch me arguing that Bruce isn’t and shouldn’t be central to the Batman mantle, mythos, succession, etc. And I loved Dick as Batman too. But it ultimately should always come back to Bruce no matter how many people add to it in their own ways. Because it’s not just about what Bruce made.....it’s why he made it that matters too. The act of creating Batman is as important to the story of Batman as the created Batman.

And those very same reasons are precisely why Bruce shouldn’t be regarded as central to the ROBIN mantle, succession, etc.

To dismiss the Graysons as not being definitive to the greater Robin mythos is to say Thomas and Martha Wayne bear no special significance to the Batman mythos.

I love that being Robin connects these siblings and ties them all together as part of the same family. I love it being a shared family tradition that encompasses all of them and marks this family of choice as having been specifically chosen by not just it’s patriarch but each other.

But it’s not Bruce’s family tradition and it’s not a Wayne or even a Batman hand me down.

Because it doesn’t even come from Bruce’s family.

It comes from Dick’s. He brought it with him. It’s what connects him to what came before life with Bruce because as everyone knows but so many people often forget to give MEANING....

Dick Grayson, for as much as he is Batman’s son and is undeniably Bruce’s family, had a life of his own before he ever met Bruce.

He didn’t begin with Bruce Wayne. He didn’t come from Bruce Wayne.

And neither did Robin.

[bao3bei4]

kpop music videos that gave their fans sexual brainworms

OR accidental fetish pop and its fringe fanbase: meditations on gendered desire 

large warning here: i am someone who has been into kpop for the past 10 years. however, i have always been an extremely casual fan. i do write fic, but not rpf. if any of that makes you not want to hear me talk about kpop rpf (or you don’t want to hear about it in general), please keep moving.

anyway, obviously pop is corporate, soulless, and manufactured. but sometimes some truly bizarre shit gets past the committees and destroys a generation. these are their stories.

the video that started this is all is got7’s just right, released july 10th, 2015.

yes that’s all 7 members of got7 (one is out of frame) shrunken down for your viewing pleasure. they live in your room and tell you you’re just right. 

this sheer fetish power of this video is nerfed only by how utterly sexless it is.

they’re styled like and dance like this. it’s a totally unironic sendup of the seminal work that preceded it by four years, “what makes you beautiful” by the white kpop group “one direction.” the chaste energy of the whole thing makes you legitimately wonder if the good people at jyp have just never heard of microphilia. (during a dramatic reading of this piece, here a friend interjected seriously, “i think it’s korean culture not to talk about things like this, fetishes in the workplace.”)

it’s for the best, honestly, though because the actress in the music video is lee ja in, who was 11 when the video was shot. considering that the members themselves ranged in age from 18-23 at the time, i think it’s actually very impressive that we only have to cancel one. 

you receive absolutely no prizes for guessing that it’s jackson wang we’re sending to social justice prison. why’d he do this? no one asked. 

at any rate, got7 fans, or “gans” (they actually call themselves igot7s which is too twee for me), have much to think about here: all 7 very small members of got7 sneaking into their room, possibly weird age play, and jackson wang eating a very large cake.

let’s see what they actually did. 

twitter was actually very tame. the most charged thing i found was (unsurprisingly) from a bts fan (“ban”). i don’t actually know what it means, but i think it means something.

so, of course, i turned to the internet’s last bastion of free speech, where you can say whatever the fuck you want and receive cheers, or as the kids say, “kudos.” that is, i read fanfiction. 

for those of you who don’t know your herstory, i started my journey at Asianfanfics.com, where, at the time of writing, there were 12,067 got7 stories. i want to start this by saying that i think feminism won, because someone was paying real human dollars to advertise their irene/wendy fanfiction on a banner ad, which is quite possibly a win for women for everywhere. 

anyway, Asianfanfics.com’s search engine sucks ass (i kept on finding stories about different combinations of bts members worrying about their weight and being reassured by another member that were entitled “just right”), so i decided to look through all got7 stories written between july 2015 and december 2015. 

but, alas, not a single got7 microphilia fic to be found. 

also, some genre commentary while i’m here: i think the stories i respect the most are the “[y/n] is a ordinary girl who’s assigned to be got7’s manager! can she make them into superstars? as sparks begin to fly, can she keep it professional?” like fuck yeah that sounds like a kickass dating sim. it almost definitely already is one. i salute all the teens around the world for buying into the fantasy of dating a boy band member that they themselves sell you. 

however, i don’t think i respect the “[member a] and [member b] are mafia/jocks and nerds/college students/high schoolers” concepts. in my opinion, the whole fantasy of boy band member is their personas, their hidden real personalities, their celebrity, and the show business setting. find a different intellectual property if you wanna write about school. i even respect the “yugyeom drank girl juice [not estrogen] and turned into a sexy girl” story more, because at least it knows exactly what it wants, and also because they’re all still boy band members. well, band members. shout out to yugyeom. 

so, anyway, i looked elsewhere. at the time of writing, archive of our own only had 11,645 got7 stories, but it does have a better search, so it effectively has more. as an aside, i think it’s so funny, and mildly disorienting at first, that archive of our own separates the “music & bands” section from the “celebrities & real people” section. boy band members aren’t real people. 

the first problem i encountered is that only 20 or so stories were written within a year of just right’s release. absolute cringe gans. don’t you care about your boys? there were zero stories tagged “vore” or “microphilia” either. stories containing the word “tiny” that were rated either “explicit” or “mature” were all normal (“normal”) size fetishization rather than, you know, just right. 

however, i learned my lesson from twitter. i realized that what had happened was that watching this video had created sleeper agents, just waiting for their activation phrase. that activation phrase? bangtan boys. and yeah, lo and behold, there was one! unfortunately (fortunately?) it had nothing to do with got7, let alone just right, so i’m not going to talk about it.  

basically what i learned is that this video may have actually been very normal, and my brain has just been destroyed by being too online at a young age. 

however, there are plenty more videos in this genre. i present to you exo wolf, a banger from may 30th, 2013. i say banger, because in a comedic inversion, it’s actually fucking terrible. 

this video is pretty self-explanatory in terms of why it might induce certain responses. 

let’s get the formalities out of the way. this video, the member who’s getting cancelled is kai. he has braids in this video :/

also skating on thin ice: xiumin and chen. guys what was up with the whole exo-m thing? like, we’re gonna have a cpop subgroup, but it’s going to be part chinese members and part korean members that we’ll give a chinese name? unsurprisingly, the three exo members who have departed from the group are all chinese. they weren’t able to stand the microaggressions probably. but xiumin and chen remain uncancelled as an official chinese apology for five thousand of years of on-and-off invasions of korea. sorry guys that was kinda fucked up. our bad! 

anyway, there are basically three avenues for exo fans to take: 1) humans with wolfish characters (usually wolf pack dynamics, which even wolves themselves don’t fucking use so i think all of you should shut up. the real omega here is your brain), 2) werewolves (duh), and 3) wolves with human characteristics (i.e. standard furry fare). 

exo themselves let all these possibilities exist at the same time, superimposing them over each other, which is very woke and egalitarian of them. let’s see what the people decided. awoo.

Asianfanfics dot com had many stories in this vein. i feel very validated that this time i was able to correctly predict a fetish. that said, briefly returning to my earlier comment regarding alternate universes: it’s intense psychic whiplash reading about these vampires and werewolves, and going okay okay luhan is a vampire this that whatever, and then seeing the actual real performance photos the author attaches at the bottom of each chapter. bro i forgot these were actual people.... it breaks immersion so bad... i’m sorry, i just can’t believe that any of these dancing boys are having weird vampire sex with wings or whatever. 

archive of our own also had many stories in this vein. and i think there are some important difference between the two sites worth talking about. 

first of all, i think the higher engagement rate of archive of our own really enables some of the authors to get super bold. it makes Asianfanfics.com seem a little quaint, actually. like the wordcounts are waaay longer, for one. it’s uncommon for a story hosted on Asianfanfics.com to be more than a few thousand words long (most of them could easily be published in the new yorker), whereas some of these archive of our own people have written full length novels about if the members of exo were werewolves. i guess it’s just intensely demoralizing for the aff.com crew to get, like, three comments per story. 

the second big difference is that i’m noticing more common themes between the ao3 crew’s writing. like stan intertextuality, or plagiarism, or whatever, but they seem to be implicitly engaging with each other’s characterizations, storylines, and tropes. i think it is because they probably all follow each other on twitter. (i have been active on twitter for three weeks now so i am an expert on fanfiction twitter.) 

anyway, like not that i am a particularly big gan (cannot even list all the members), but these people seem to have reached a very specific consensus on how jackson wang, for instance, would react in a variety of situations that really surprises me? if i were to sit down and write a got7 story, i think the fuckboitude, the douchebaggery is a big part of his charm. not to be nationalist or anything, but for god’s sake, he’s from hong kong. but these people have him as very sensitive, lots of protective instincts. not that i understood what anyone on aff.com was doing with his character either, but they did all seem to be doing different things. “kudos” to that, i guess.

but: exo. wolf. i searched the “wolves” tag. this filtered the list down from 33459 stories to 52 stories. and the “wolves” tag was very different from the aff.com “wolf” tag. for the most part, aff.com liked stories where a member was a wolf (usually shapeshifting), feral boy, lots of y/n, lots of y/n dating a feral boy who is secretly a wolf. 

ao3 really, really, really likes alpha/beta/omega stories. sorting by the most popular stories, only five on the first page weren’t a/b/o. and one of them was a cis f!baekhyun story, so i think the intended effect was communicated. anyway, let’s talk about some of the themes. 

first of all, i’m disappointed. today’s bonus cancellation is of ao3 “wolves” writers. why the fuck are you drawing so heavily from european wolves?? there are wolves in asia!! you don’t need to keep giving their packs and ranks weird latin names. i will kill you. i hate italy. korea literally has a native wolf. i hate all of you!!! if you want to write caucasian wolves go watch that dumbass cw show!!!! my god. 

the second theme (the first one was white supremacy) is that no one wants to be a wolf who fucks. i think that we need a sex positivity movement, or something, for omega rights. like, are all of you doing okay? you’re queering misogyny by inventing new genders to oppress. another level to “no one wants to be a wolf...” is the “who fucks” part. there are so many consent issues. and not even in like, a sexy intentional way? in a “i genuinely do not think this author understands how their writing comes off” way. unfortunately i am sensitive to untagged sexual coercion, and there was a lot of that.

at any rate, the aff.com wolves were at peace with being wolves, very self-actualized. the ao3 wolves know that every minute they spend alive on this bitch of an earth is suffering, and also sex.

the third theme is the evolution of y/n. y/n, who, in a startlingly woke move for aff.com, is almost always korean, is a girl main character stumbling into love, boy bands, and wolves (i think it’s because aff.com is oldschool kpop fandom, so therefore heavily asian itself in userbase). but y/n is not the main character in ao3 stories. she is the straight best friend. in what i think is a hilarious move, ao3 authors invert the gay best friend paradigm to give the gay main character a straight girl as best friend. she usually calls him “a gay,” she has lots of thoughts on boys, and she knows his sexuality better than he does and before he does. (sidebar: if all the men are gay, and all the women are straight...)

there’s a really fun twist to this, though, because the main character is always a self-insert in fanfiction. but where older fanfiction like aff.com was at peace with this and literalize it via y/n shenanigans, modern fic writers who haven’t finished distangling their complicated relationship with wanting to be a man who loves other men instead simply imbue their main character with their essence. a little voodoo doll sehun, with a lock of y/n hair. 

this creates a deeply ambivalent relationship with gender in these stories. the main character is usually an omega, but one who resents being an omega. their body and its parts is usually described, if at all, as ostensibly intersex (except more offensively), but in practice, these discourses inscribe a trans body. (nb: i think cis writers approach this in a really fucked up fetishizing way, but i hope by this point we know that that goes without saying) it’s incredibly straightforward to read this, and see the underlying desires and fears in a heady cocktail of unfiltered writing that’s deeply confessional. you know when freud had people say whatever the fuck they wanted and figured they’d eventually free associate into releasing their subconscious into reality? yeah. 

okay, and while we’re on the topic, let’s talk f(x) nu abo, released on may 4th, 2010. 

this is a blitzy, maximalist, amped up dance hit that even has its own applause and cheers built in. it’s so fucking annoying, and i love it. 

this song is on here because the second most popular kpop a/b/o story on ao3 is called “nu abo” except it’s about bts. that’s offensive enough in its own right. write something about f(x) (702 works). when will women win the right to have their own self-lubricating holes.

anyway, even though f(x) is probably innocent in all of this, i’m still cancelling amber liu. 

for queerbaiting. who told her to look like ruby rose but hot? and for what? i’m also cancelling her for racism, but that wasn’t in this video. 

moving on to a double feature: vixx voodoo doll and vixx chained up, released november 19, 2013 and november 9, 2015 respectively. this is because while voodoo doll is more formative, i think the fans who write fanfiction today got into kpop more recently, so we are casting a wide net.

anyway, voodoo doll is jam packed with weird pseudo-medical imagery, blood, vivisection, bondage, puppet shit, femdom, sharps, piercings, asphyxiation, dollification, stabbing/penetration metaphors, and a really sick and catchy dance. god that looks like the list of tags on the a/b/o wolf stories. 

for this song, we’re cancelling you, for being way too into this song when you were 13.

vixx voodoo doll made me goth i guess! insert that pic of the your music saved me sign, except it saved me from getting into emo or pop punk probably. 

chained up, comparatively, is much more tame. the only thing of note about it is that there are around 10 completely different chokers and choker looks the members wear in this music video. also they’re singing about being chained up, but that seemed a bit obvious. 

we could argue that voodoo doll is gay while chained up is gay (derogatory); that voodoo doll is queer while chained up is gay; that chained up is a sensitive masterpiece of omega4omega sexuality. but we’re not going to. 

we’re going to talk about what voodoo doll fanfiction was and was not. first, Aff.com had plenty of it. however, i was extremely disappointed to see that much of it did not hew to the spirit of vixx voodoo doll. my god, the voodoo doll becoming the one preying upon you disgusts me. the fantasy of the voodoo doll is that of absolute power. the idea that the doll itself has agency? instantly breaks the fantasy. i’m even not into voodoo dolls and i’m offended. 

i also don’t think it’s part of the voodoo doll fantasy to release the doll. the only story on there that involved Y/N kidnapping vixx members like in the music video was unavailable because the author deactivated their account. come back qxeen what did you see. 

i think this got off track, actually, in that i was mostly wondering why these people imprinted differently onto vixx voodoo doll than i did. like i don’t think you’re supposed to actually like straightforwardly absorb the morals and aesthetics of music videos like it’s propaganda. however, it’s more entertaining if you do. i hope ao3 doesn’t let me down. 

out of the then 5932 works in the vixx fandom (the least out of every group so far, excluding f(x) because they’re women), 59 of them included the word “voodoo” somewhere. that’s 1%. i legitimately can’t tell if that’s high or not. 

after some more cursory reading through the first page of popular results, my big takeaway is that people watched that video and wanted to be tortured and enslaved? but not, like, in a sexy way where the torturing is the point, the way where the point is to suffer bravely and beautifully, to endure the world’s harms like jesus on the cross, and then to fall into the arms of a beautiful boy who may or may not be the one hurting you in the first place. 

there’s a certain predictability to these fantasies. like it’s not even masochism, which would be fun at least, it’s literally just like the desire to be beautiful, even as you suffer. and i do find that a little boring. (but, i mean, you can’t help being a woman!)

sidebar: on chained up. what’s interesting about chained up, is that most of the then 38 “chained up” works (likely because the video has no storyline) are about the members fucking during chained up promotions. no one’s ever actually chained up, but whatever. it’s fine. it’s fine! 

anyway, here, more than ever, the nature of desire is stripped bare. i’ve written before [elsewhere in the unreleased tshirt cinematic universe] on how kpop boys are, through fandom, re-formed as white, or more strongly, i guess, blank slates. it’s really interesting to me how so much of this dynamic of projection is enabled by the fact that they’re asian men. they’re infantilized, feminized vessels; they’re seductive, but childlike, oblivious to their own charms, so nonthreatening; they have uncontrollable desires for sex, they’re scared of sex. and above all else, white women submit themselves to them, insert themselves into them. basically kpop fans tend to rework old school yellow peril and emasculation fantasies to reenact their own desires, often white, often cishet on them. 

what i am saying is that there’s another thesis about forced feminization and its racialized subtext in here. obviously gender is a racialized construct to begin with, but like it’s fascinating to argue that when white women remake asian men according to their own desires, that is, into themselves, they (hopefully) unintentionally echo these old fears about the sexual order.

it illuminates, it seems, the underlying dynamic in the denigration of asian men, which is of course the fear of miscegenation. now, my breathtaking ability to make everything about me aside, miscegenation is interesting because it presents a racial synthesis, beginning to collapse and trouble the artificial designations of purity. so we make asian men into white women, and end up with an unsettling hybrid. i’m sure this has deep implications for me personally.

but i think we already knew that quite a few of these people had yellow fever, so let’s talk about the gender dialectic at play. basically, the above dynamic, of making men into women (whether literally, in body; or subjectively, in mind; or even relationally, as they are objectified into passive vessels for your desire) coexists with the ostensibly converse dynamic, in which the straight women desires to be a gay man. these aren’t necessarily in conflict: it could easily be that these are different writers writing different stories, that both are ways of expressing discontent with existing in a raced, gendered body, or even that the end product of both is the same.

it’s been a while without a picture. all of you now have the legal right to hunt and kill me for making a d&g joke.

anyway, what i want to talk about is how these two fantasies can coexist. that by making a man into yourself, you can speak on your own desire in a passive way. my normal interest is analyzing forced masc fantasies (albeit in chinese opera lol), and they bear little to no resemblance to this kind of fantasy. this kind offers plausible deniability, of course, because wanting things is embarrassing. but also the fantasy isn’t about wanting to be a man, it’s about having no choice but to be a failed one. the gender pessimism running through these stories is palpable. basically andrea long chu wants what wolf fanfiction writers know: everyone is an omega, and everyone hates it.

at any rate, this racialized dynamic is one that i wasn’t sure how to bring up throughout this piece, mainly because there is no definitive way for me to tell the race of any individual writer, beyond just like the clear and present vibes that i receive. but i think it structures a lot of the fantasies contained in this essay. (i felt more comfortable bringing up the gendered dynamic, because it was fairly trivial to find out the current gender of the person writing each story i was reading.) 

obviously we should return to the specter haunting this conversation: the very much alive david eng. i think this sort of argument is familiar to readers of racial castration, especially his chapter on m. butterfly. btw sorry for mentioning that play 2 out of 3 posts on this blog. i have problems.

let’s talk about the parallel imagery between the depiction of gallimard’s final speech and the fanfiction i’ve described above. in it, gallimard makes himself into his own dream woman, dressing in yellowface and robes, the costume of puccini’s original madame butterfly. and he laments his lost love:

there is a vision of the orient that i have. of slender women in chong sams and kimonos who die for the love of unworthy foreign devils. who are born and raised to be the perfect women. who take whatever punishment we give them, and bounce back, strengthened by love, unconditionally.

in that, i see the self insert, and i see the sufferer of vixx voodoo fic. the fantasy that gallimard has about asian women is repeated, this time about asian men and a helpless identification with them. and on some level, gallimard’s women do have something very compelling to identify with: they suggest that there’s a way to endure white male violence without sacrifice, and even more potently, to enjoy it on some level.

but onward to the titular racial castration. eng argues that gallimard’s wilful ignorance of song’s true gender is a psychic castration -- song’s masculinity is diminished so that his own can be enhanced within their relationship. this, eng believes, acts out “richard fung’s contention that in western imaginary ‘asian and anus are conflated.’” this process stabilizes the relationship between the asian man and the white woman: they occupy the same place within the sexual dyad. 

this is, i think, why some people are addicted to writing from the bottom’s perspective. again -- not implying that irl bottoms don’t exist or that bottoms are psychically castrated lol -- but rather that you can fantasize about this ideal asian man that you can come to embody. in kpop rpf, rather than it being between a white man and an asian man (unless someone’s started writing chad future fic), it’s between two asian men. so this transformation is performed. whiteness is always intruding and so i think eng is helpful here to making it visible again. 

this essay isn’t a callout or actual cancellation or anything like that, i do wanna be clear. i guess i just like talking about fantasies, even the embarrassing ones, and where they come from. i think oftentimes in fandom spaces, we write a lot of stories off as idfic, and i think virtually every single one of the stories i referenced to write this fairly uncontroversially fall into that category. but i think calling something an “id” something or the other naturalizes the satisfaction it gives as purely instinctual and unconscious, when i do think there are deeper narratives at play. while i didn’t ever actually reference the base here (sorry), i do think it’s worth talking about how real world power shapes & maintains the superstructure, and thereby our fantasies. 

anyway in conclusion, maybe i was the one with sexual brainworms the whole time.

[yuraimi-lee-bunny]

Let's get to the point first and then I'll give the important details:

Because of rude and intolerant comments of directly and indirectly way from LiS fandom here in Tumblr (only intolerant and abusive fans of Pricefield and Chloe) I fell into depression for a year and a half

I met the game on February 6, 2015. I immediately loved the game. I could only watch Gameplays. At the same time I was about to finish my Visual Arts career. I was specializing in Illustration and creation, development and character analysis (theory and practice)

At the beginning (between Ep.1 and Ep.3) Pricefield was causing me some pleasure but I also liked Warren, although I defended Warren from the unjustified hate that dome gave him, but I never saw the Grahamfield as an option. But days before Ep.4 some personal things happened to me, and I began to see the Grahamfield with an option, I started to like it more. Ep.4 arrives and besides being my favorite episode, I was happy and surprised that the Grahamfield was a possible option.

Finish the game and although I don't like at all the choice "Sacrifice Arcadia Bay" I had no problem, in the end: everyone their choices. I started showing my Grahamfield works. Sometimes comments came directly and indirectly offending my work. No problem, I could deal with it. But in 2016 began the problem: The attacks on Grahamfield, Warren and those who liked it increased even worse: they attacked those who chose to Sacrifice Chloe. The offenses were of a lot of variety but here are some of the ones I remember:

"You have no heart" "You're a monster", "You're a horrible person" "Surely you're homophobic" "You're a lesphobic" "You didn't understand the game" "You didn't understand Max" "That disgusts your tastes" "If you like such a ship, then fuck you"

In early 2016 I was dealing with many personal, family, professional problems, go to see things about LiS and other things that I liked helped me to reassure me. But that intolerant posts in LiS tags were so massive and consecutive that ended up making me believe them and thus, fall into depression.

I was weak? Maybe. But I hope you understand that everywhere I was going through difficult times, that when I went to see things about LiS it was my way of being able to entertain myself and I hope you also understand, that these people were not entitled to attack people. In 2015 I could deal with it but that 2016 I couldn't because of my own affairs and because the attacks, seriously, were massive. I was no longer happy with my decisions, nor tastes, with anything. I tried everything: to listen to my favorite music, to watch series that motivated me and remembered me my goals and my own being. Met my friendships, my boyfriend. Nothing worked. Everything was getting worse: although I no longer paid attention and stopped going to tags for a while, the damage was already done to me, the doubts grew more and more in me:

"Why do I like grahamfield?" "Why couldn't you like the Pricefield?" "Why do you like Warren?" "Why can't Chloe be your favorite?"

And worse:

"Why do you always like the weirdest thing?" "Why can't you be like the others?" "Why don't you normal?" "Why do I think as I think?" "Why am I this way?" What was I born for? "Why do I exist?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?"

My self-esteem went down a lot, I no longer wanted to draw and I didn't want to get out of bed. Everything looked gray and had attacks of crying. Although my problems had turned out. The depression was already in me. I had to go to the psychologist. I was diagnosed with Social Depression. It wasn't serious, but it had to be treated. I kept going to sessions. My psychologist is a love, I could tell her absolutely everything even if it sounded very absurd but she understood and helped me. My mom, my boyfriend, some friends help me too. Some things I discovered also help: Lukas Graham, Keane, Oxenfree, and more.

Throughout 2016 sometimes I suffered attacks of anxiety, doubts, of crying. It was difficult to deal for me, my mom and my boyfriend. But we don't give up. I didn't give up. I almost broke up with my boyfriend for believing it was a nuisance and weak, but I never did. Unfortunately sometimes looking Pricefield made me nervous and feeling of guilt for not liking Pricefield invaded me very hard. I swear that I tried by many means to like it and become my ship. I never could and currently I can't. I only see them as best friends.

So I drew Grahamfield. In fact, in this long road of recovery, Max and Warren accompanied me a lot, they were the characthers and a ship that helped me a lot in accepting myself as I am and with my tastes and choices. Little by little I was recovering. 2016 wasn't a very pleasant year for me, but still there some good memories of that year. 2017 was a better year. At the beginning of that year I could feel improvements, but sometimes the doubts continued and sometimes I woke up with stomachaches. Monstar Calls, Persona 5, Jughead's Comic, new friendships, and improved more. LiS's fandom was quieter and I drew more Grahanfield. But April was where I found that serie that made me try harder to get up.

Orange is the New Black and Bojack Horseman were those series that I watched in 2016 and helped me a lot to accept my depression, to accept myself, to defend myself and to love myself as I am. But that April 12 2017 I started watching 13 Reasons Why and everything was clearer to me. I know, 13RW is a very controversial series, but it helped me realize many, many things: how lucky I'm to have people around me who love and love me. That I want and I must be strong to protect those I want, to defend myself and demonstrate what I'm capable of achieving. Not giving up. It's worth moving forward. I want to live.

And so, with more strength and enthusiasm I began to overcome my low self-esteem, I began to draw more, to work for a while as a waitress and resume my studies to get my degree. There was only one problem: now I saw Pricefield and I got angry. It reminded me of all the pain I went through in 2016 for those rude people who liked Pricefield and kept attacking you just for liking another ship. But my anger is left just in that: Angry. I swear never, but NEVER come to attack or offend someone because they like Pricefield. I never did and never will.

2017 was a good year, although BTS isn't a game that I like very much, I enjoyed it somehow. My psychologist tells me that I'm much better. For me it meant that I had already overcome my depression. The earthquake of September 19 in 2017 was an event that greatly impacted me. I helped as much as I could, and there I realized that in 2018 I wanted to improve myself more as person. And I did it.

2018 was my best year: I participated in a film with rotoscopie technique called "Olimpia" and it's one of my greatest achievements and I'm proud to have participated in making animation. I did many activities that helped me grow as a person. I kept drawing Grahanfield and now I defended Warren and Grahamfield as I had never done, but this time with evidence. My love for the characters had come back and I had studied the subject more. American Vandal, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Shape of Water also arrived in 2018 and they helped me a lot.

2019 arrives: Carmen Sandiego and The Umbrella Academy get to inspire me professionally. I started a diploma in February of Graphic Novel to get my Bachelor's degree. I did it. I finished in August and this November they gave it to me. I'm already licensed. I've been calmly reading the LiS comic. Seeing things about Pricefield no longer fill me with anxiety. I absolutely feel good and happy with my tastes within the fandom of LiS.

In these days I have thought about my whole process. OITNB ended this year, next year ends Bojack Horseman and 13 Reasons Why. Those 3 series with their recent seasons have made me see that I must close a cycle. And that's why I count all this.

I tell my story as proof of how much the toxic side of the LiS fandom damaged me. That although everything remains calm sometimes, there are still people like that I managed to get ahead, and I hope that someone inside the fandom hasn't suffered something similar or worse. And still, to those people who damaged me only one thing I can say:

Thank you.

Thank you for your fatal acts, because even they have damaged me and brought me into depression, it caused me to get the best out of myself and show myself that I can be stronger.

I love Grahamfield, Max and Warren separately. These characters and ship aren't only that, they're my recovery symbol and reminder of loving me as I am. They mean to me a lot. They grew and healed with me. I appreciate these two separately and together. I never hated Chloe. She isn't my favorite but I appreciate her a lot, I recognize her flaws, and I still appreciate her. Chloe and me have things in common. But in truth: you don't know how much I identify with Max and Warren, that's how it was since I met the game.

I'm glad to notice my years of progress. But I also want to apologize if at some point I became rude for defending Warren and/or Grahamfield. Now I hope you understand where my courage and my insistence to defend it came from.

I also want to make it clear that I don't blame Pricefield or anyone who likes this ship or Chloe. But I want to prove that attacking someone just because doesn't like your ship isn't fine. You don't know what is happening to that person. Judging someone just for a taste is neither good nor kind. You don't know how much a characther/ship can mean for that person. Notice to what degree can damage their fanaticism that reaches the degree of intolerance. I also want to clarify that it isn't bad that someone doesn't like Warren and Grahamfield. What is wrong is that some don't understand that everyone likes. That understand that not everyone will like the same thing and they will not see it in the same way.

Everyone is a world. Everyone has their own worldview. Not because someone is different from you and doesn't like the same as you, it gives you the right to judge it as trahs and treat it as trahs.

Treat people as you would like to be treated.

I'm glad that in these 4 years that I like LiS I have found people who are still kind to me and others, and who respect each other's tastes and decisions. Both on Twitter, IG and here I have found friendly and fun people and I really appreciate them. They were a great help of my recovery. Really, thank you very much guys. Believe me that sharing the same taste for LiS but each one having different taste, still treating each other well and in a friendly way, helped me a lot and I'm very grateful. I will continue to like everything about LiS and LiS2. I will continue to draw about it and I will love to find friendships that also like LiS. Count on me when you need anything. LiS is still something important in my life, it helped me a lot to grow in several aspects. But I also won't let anyone keep offending/attacking someone else in the fandom if that person isn't hurting anyone. Respect and Tolerance among all please.

If you have read all this, you don't know how much I appreciate it. I hope this helps someone to reflect on our way of living, communicating, understanding and tolerating each other. I'm already very well, more than good.

I love myself.

Please love yourself.

You can do it!

[headoverhiddles]

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn - Marilyn Manson x Reader [Smut]

Synopsis: You, your boyfriend Brian, and his best friend Jeordie are forced by lack of finances to share a hotel room one night while Brian's band performs in Miami Beach. You two have to be quiet not to wake Jeordie...

Notes: Set during Spooky Kids era!! Partially inspired by this video. **Twiggy wasn't a part of the band at this point in time, but fuck it. I wanted to include him.

July 17, 1992.

"I've got... thirteen dollars."

Everyone (aka you, Brian and Jeordie) is sitting around in a circle on Jeordie's messy living room floor.

You and your boyfriend look over to the bassist.

"Thirteen?" Brian sputters, "You stupid fucker, you had 500 dollars last night. Where the hell'd all that go, up your ass?"

Jeordie picks at a hangnail. "Hookers and blow." He begins to pat his leg, drumming a beat. "We should make that a song..."

"We have better things to sing about than hookers and blow," Brian snaps.

"I don't know, I think it'd go with your whole theme," you tease, resting your head on his shoulder. Brian glances down, gaze softening fondly as his fingers thread with yours.

"Yeah, says the girl who probably encouraged him to burn our valuable hotel money on dumb shit last night."

You giggle. "I promise, I had nothing to do with it. Besides, I was with you last night, remember?" Brian smirks, recalling the record you two set.

"Yeah. I remember making you come a bunch of times. What was the challenge again?"

"I dared you to make me come more times than my vibrator could in one night."

"Mmm, and did I pass?"

"With flying colours."

Jeordie whistles, then tries to flip one of the coins from the pooling pile on the floor. It pings off something then disappears into the pit that is his studio apartment.

"Twelve seventy five," Jeordie corrects, staring sadly behind him at the lost quarter. Brian shakes his head, scratching through his hair.

"Jesus Christ, what are we gonna do?! This is a huge stop on the tour. Daisy, Pogo, and Sarah are already there, and the Spooky Kids can't afford to cancel this show because we're... fuckin broke hobos!"

"I'm not a hobo..." Jeordie whispers, watching an ant crawl across his toe. Brian scrapes up some bills to count again, painted fingernails a blur as he shells them out. You count your own too, nodding.

"Okay. I've got 210. Together with your 600... we should have enough for airfare and hotel room, for one night."

Jeordie gives a punched out snort-laugh, staring at the ceiling like it's about to cave in. "Yeah, for one shared room between the three of us."

You and Brian look at each other, shrugging. Jeordie hesitates, then looks at you two in distress.

"Awww."

So, the next day, after successfully making it to the next stop on the Spooky Kids' tour by way of crappy budget airline, you get to the hotel to check in before the show. It's not awful-- it's a pretty good motel, at least.

"I can't wait til we can afford a tour bus," Brian growls miserably, flopping down on one of the double beds. It shoots his lanky body up four feet off the bed as the overly-loaded springs catapult him, and you double over with laughter. Though he looks ready to murder, your laugh is infectious, and Brian starts to chuckle too.

"What the fuck is this?" He goes on, picking up a towel folded into a swan. He turns it around, and pretends to stick his dick into it, humping it as he waddles around the room.

"It's a swan," Jeordie smiles, face smushed into his own bed opposite yours, "I requested the towels be made into pretty swans for us."

"Yeah?" Brian discards the towel in a heap. " Did you also request little chocolates be left on our pillow every night, princess?"

"Dammit. I knew I forgot something."

"Why did we let Jeordie book this?" you groan. "We all know I'm the responsible mom here."

"I beg to differ," Brian says, crawling over top of you and securing his stringbean limbs around you like a giant spider. "I'm more of a mom than you." You giggle.

"Says the man who just pretended to fuck a towel swan."

"What do you mean pretended? That slutty motherfucker's got my jizz all over him, he was begging for it." Brian grins, collapsing on top of you, and you shriek as he attacks you with kisses.

"Go put your makeup on, or you'll be late getting on stage! Then nobody'll ever know who the Spooky Kids are, and your career will never take off, all because you wanted to fuck your girlfriend. Again."

"I'll just tell the bouncers we were busy with hookers and blow, like proper rockstars," Brian murmurs, sucking a hicky into your neck. "They'll buy anything people like us feed em."

"Hookers and blow?" Jeordie perks up, turning to you two.

"No," you and your boyfriend both say at the same time.

Brian does his makeup with a little help from you, and Jeordie does as well. Brian's lower face is covered in red lipstick, and he’s got his striped pink and black leggings on, with an unbuttoned vest and a cat in the hat top hat on his head, long hair brushed out and down to his waist. Jeordie's got one of his green ragdoll dresses on, dreads done up in pigtails.

You three meet up with the other band members, all dressed and ready for the show as well, and you can immediately tell Brian is slipping into his stage persona when he tells the bouncer to go fuck himself on a butcher knife after being asked for ID. (You display the IDs you've got in your purse with many apologies after your boyfriend and his delinquent band waltz in like they own the place, despite the fact that they're only the opening act.)

You stand in the front row of the make-do mosh pit of the dive bar, all big smiles and support. Despite what your family warns you, you have the utmost faith in Brian and his aspirations, and even though he's got an absolute clusterfuck of personalities making up the band behind him, it's a wild wonder of a musical act, and you just know the five of them are gonna go places someday.

"Good evening, all you crazy motherfuckers here in Miami Beach," Brian points out to the crowd, "Let's fuck shit up!" Their opener, Thrift, leads to Lucy In The Sky With Demons, then eventually to everyone's apparent favourite, if the cheering is any guage-- Lunchbox. You like that song too, bouncing around and screaming for it like one of the fans for the night. Brian keeps looking at you, and halfway through the song, he pulls you up on stage, obscenely groping his hands all over your breasts and sucking on them through your bra. You don't mind-- you make a show of moaning, squeezing them together, until you eventually slap him off, wag your finger, and slip back into the crowd, to the laughter and heckles from the crowd.

The show goes later than expected due to the enthusiasm of the crowd. After the show, everyone hung around the bar for a bit too, drinking a couple beers and doing a few lines of coke to mingle with any ego-stroking fans or labels that may have been scouting. 

The guys are still all riding the high of the adrenaline and drugs, but it's 3 in the morning now, and since you three have not only one shared suitcase and one shared hotel room but one shared brain cell as well, you all decided it would be a good idea to book a 7 am flight home.

Well. Blame it on it being the most affordable return time.

Once you get back to the room, some Judas Priest is cranked on the tinny room radio because "fuck the other hotel guests, I'm Marilyn Manson", and the air guitars are broken out.

Brian inspects himself in the mirror, making Herculean poses and sticking his tongue out grotesquely, checking for warts or something. He pinches his nipples, scratching down his pale torso.

"I need more tattoos."

"The ones you have now are rad," you mention, kicking off your shoes, "But a few more would make you look even more badass."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I already wouldn't want to fuck with you. More tattoos? I'd be terrified."

"I thought you were already terrified. You scream every time you see my cock."

"That's cause it's so big..." You playfully lick your lips.

"Yeah? You wanna suck it?" Brian unzips his pants. "Wanna suck on it, baby?"

"I wanna get into bed, is what I want to do," you yawn, peeling your top off and tossing it at Jeordie. Jeordie catches it and dutifully slingshots it into your great big shared suitcase. The neighboring hotel room tenants bang on the wall, mumbling something bitterly incoherent about turning the music down.

"I will kick down your door and skullfuck you, you entitled asshole!" Brian shouts back. The pounding stops abruptly, and you question how you haven't been arrested yet.

"Seriously, I think it's time for bed though," Jeordie mumbles, crawling under his covers like an elderly cat. He jumps and frowns at something on the wall, something you're glad you can't see. 

"Fine, grandpa," Brian rolls his eyes, and kills the volume on the rock station.

Five minutes later, you come out of the bathroom in one of Brian's oversized Black Sabbath T-shirts, and run a hand through your hair, walking over to get into bed with Brian. He's still scrubbing some of the eyeliner at the sink, and you beckon him. 

"Come here. I wanna cuddle."

Brian grunts, and rubs his face once more, walking over to the door naked save for his boxer briefs to make doubly sure it's locked.

"Only space for three psychos in this room," he says, then does a barrel roll into bed, sweeping the covers over you both. The light is turned out, and Brian snuggles into you from behind, wrapping his arms around your middle.

"Bri," you whisper. He hums into your hair.

"Yeah."

You flip around to face him, your noses touching. He blinks, and you bite your lip, reaching under the covers. He bites back a moan, and you lean in to whisper. 

"I'm wet for you."

Brian immediately looks over, and tosses a pillow at his best friend's head. "Hey Jeordie, fuck off for the night."

"What? No! I'm... trying to sleep..."

"The one night he decides not to get shitfaced and wander the streets," Brian sighs.

"It's no fun to do that yourself," Jeordie mopes. "Actually, that's not true. I'm just tired." 

"Fuck," Brian mutters. You two let a few seconds go by.

"Is he asleep?" you whisper.

"I think so," Brian mumbles back, then gasps as you cup him again through his underwear, reaching in with the other hand to wrap around his half-hard dick.

"(y/n), I gotta be in you," he hisses, "Fast." 

"Just... shhh..." you giggle, and he bites his lower lip, rolling on top of you under the covers. His long raven hair curtains around you, and he reaches down to pull his dick out. You wiggle your hips excitedly, holding onto his forearms, and he takes a condom off the bedside table, rolling it on. He winces at the contact, the touch of his own hand to get the rubber on enough to make him harden even more. He moans, finally pushing into you.

"O-oh..." you try to keep your voice down to a squeak. "Bri... Bri, Bri, Brian, fuck... I love your cock..."

"Call me Marilyn," he whispers.

"Hmm?"

"Call me Marilyn, I wanna hear you say it," he grunts, rocking his hips in again. He holds your wrists together above your head as his thrusts get deeper.

"God, please... fuck me harder, Marilyn," you breathe softly. His pace increases, both of you still attempting to be quiet so as not to wake your partner.

"Yeah... yeah, yeah," he whispers, "Fuck yeah, baby. You're so good for me. God, oh..."

Your eyes roll back as you smile in bliss, feeling your hands down your boyfriend's back as he does his best to make you come not in record quantity tonight, but record time.

"That feel good?"

"Uh huh..."

"Your pussy feel good now? Nice and full?"

"Yeah, oh my god. Mar... Marilyn..." You feel your orgasm coming, so you hook your feet just above his ass and smirk, thinking of something you know will do the trick. It may be dumb, but it's bound to work.

"It feels so fucking amazing getting fucked by the antichrist."

He buries his face beside your shoulder as his hips stutter, and you can feel him finish inside the condom, thrusting his hips erratically and quickly as he milks it. Each thrust is taking you closer, and you two breathe and pant together as Brian holds you, making you come with wave after wave of a gorgeous climax.

"Ah, fuck that was good," you breathe. Brian rolls off of you, depositing the condom and tucking it under his pillow. You wrinkle your nose. “Ew, man.”

"It'll make housekeeping smile. She can sell it on eBay, make more than we earn in a tour. Or she can jam it up inside her and call us for child support."

You giggle, and slap his chest lightly. He kisses you, and settles comfortably down beside you again, slipping his arms underneath yours.

"Do you think Jeordie's still asleep?" you whisper, stifling a laugh. Suddenly, a clear voice rings out. 

"If you two loud assholes think I slept through that, then you must think I'm fucking deaf," Jeordie blurts. "Assholes."

Brian starts laughing, even as his friend keeps calling him an asshole. "You're next," Brian teases, and Jeordie sighs.

"Leave me alone and let me sleep."

"Get the lube, (y/n), it's Jeordie's turn to be violated by the dirty man who broke into this hotel room, aka me."

"Fuck off!"

"Fine, fuck you, more dick for (y/n)," Brian grins, and you smile, holding him to you.

You listen to the white noise of the deteriorating air conditioner. The rhythmic rising and falling of his chest tells you he's passed out behind you, dreaming and adorable with his face pressed into the back of your neck.

You glance behind you. "Jeord, babe? Sorry for keeping you up. Really."

Jeordie just smiles. "Honestly, I was listening the whole time to see what his secret is. How do you make someone come that much? It's insane."

You giggle into the pillow, and Brian wakes up long enough to croak: "Cause I am the God of Fuck."

[itsallavengers]

I think Tony 616 is great, but what is so special about MCU Tony? He’s portrayed as an absolute misogynistic entitled douchebag who acts like he’s better than everyone and he made a disgusting rape joke in AoU when he mentioned wanting to reinstate Prima Nocta. And he made it obvious that if Christine Everhart was not “attractive” enough in his eyes in IM1, he wouldn’t have given her the time of day. And just many other things about him that are gross. He’s so smug all the time. How is he great?

Thor: entitled, self-absorbed royalty who started a war just to prove a point. Choked out a non-enhanced team mate as soon as he got angry which implies an inherently violent and abusive streak to him. 

Natasha: spent most of her life assassinating people in cold blood. betrayed a friend in Civil War. watched tony dying in im2 and refrained from helping until he was pretty much a walking corpse, THEN wrote a report on his personality as if that is anything close to how a healthy person would act.

Clint: Went off as Ronin and just. idk killed people bc he was angsting over his family? Abandoned said family in civil war for a matter that didnt even concern him any more, then got angry and blamed someone else (in a very cruel way mind you) when his illegal actions landed him in jail. 

Steve: Dont even get me started

Bruce: is actually perfect so i dont need to say anything on that

But what im trying to say is…. like…. these characters have all done shitty things. They’ve all been subjected to the whims of the people writing them, and sometimes the writers have been. bad. Tony was never portrayed as misogynistic in my opinion– he was a womanizer, sure, and he was shallow as all hell… but women do that too. Casual sex and regarding someone based solely on their appearance is a dick move, sure, but its not. inherently misogynistic. The joke was in bad taste, but like,,, that was nothing more than a stupid decision made by Joss Whedon that most people didnt fucking understand anyway. Tony later goes on to take Helen Cho’s comment about ‘leaving him in the dust’ in his stride and tell her thats what he actively WANTS, not to mention the fact he gave his business away to a woman and says that Carol Danvers is the ‘fresh blood’ that they all need. Casual Sex doesnt equate to sexism lol. 

With this sort of thing, you just have to pick and choose what parts of the character you want. If you immediately cancelled any character that got done dirty by its writer (comics or mcu) you would…..have NO characters that you were left liking. They’ve all done shitty things. They’ve all done amazing things, too. If you don’t like his character bc he’s ‘too smug’ (although like. where. but whatever lol) then so be it. No one’s gonna like everyone. He’s a character that’s very obviously written as someone who has a Public Persona, and then once that’s taken off, you see the real amazing man underneath. People who still believe him to be egotistical/ selfish/ never apologises/ smug are…. just people who’ve never truly seen past the most surface levels of the narrative, honestly. But again, you can’t like everyone. I love him, because I’m pretty similar to him, and i find him funny and an Actually Compelling character. You might not. Whatever, okay, let’s agree to disagree. But you don’t need all these Big Reasons as to why you hate him. Just say ur not a fan of his personality and go lmfao. 

[nolitetebastardescarborundorum]

What I like and dislike about each Skam Version:

The order is when I watched them. Which is basically the same order when they came out since I watch clip for clip live with every version since the evak cuddle clip 3 years ago. I won't point out things twice if a remake did it exactly the same. For example the blackmailing of Noora. Disliked it in the og, ditto with every other version. Another disclaimer: I don't have a favorite version since no one was perfect from first to last season. Different versions have different favorite seasons for me.

What I loved about the og 🇳🇴: The complete different format of a show with the clips, social media, roughly camera work that made it look like a reality show or documentary. The actors being the age of their characters and not all being thin, beautiful models. The pov and seing the boring aspects of life too. All the casual parties. The music and the whole russbus culture. In general getting to know so much about other cultures that I didn't thought about before for even a minute. Eva standing up for herself and breaking up with Jonas. Penetrator Chris as the comic relief, he may be a fuckboy, but he is isn't sexist or homophobic, his one liners are iconic. A normal reaction to Isak being gay and Evak actually getting an happy ending and a proper love scene like any hetero couple gets. Eskilds gay pride speech, it made me rethink my own mindset, as well as Sanas line about hate doesn't come from religion, it comes from fear and her whole conversation with yousef about religion. The guys helping Isak get back his man and Magnus hilarious questions, but also his helpful advice. Everything in the scene with Eva's 18th birthday. Even singing imagine. The cuddle clip, literally my favorite clip in all the versions, the spiderman kiss and the universe talk. Yousana love shown without any touching. The girls picking up Sana with the los losers bus. The ballon squads YouTube channel. How sweet and protective Elias was about Sana. 5 fine frøkner! Kosegruppa. If I could chose I would want a season for Magnus and Penetrator Chris.

What I disliked: Jonas treating Eva like she's stupid. Everything with William pretty much, starting with his non existent personality to blackmailing Noora, dissing Vilde, not listening after the SA happening etc. Nooras completely change in attitude from feminist to falling for the fuckboy and betraying your friend, also, ik most of the fans love it, her speeches, the one at William and also the one at Nicolai, it was just too long and arrogant to me sorry, I don't thought yes queen, I more thought yeah okay we got it already. The lack of communication with literally everyone. Vilde being so judgemental. Eva 'stealing' Jonas. Even not being able to speak for himself about his MI. The hate against Sonja, yes her saying Even can't love was fucked up, but her outrage and pain was more than understandable for me. The call your gf scene, idk it just makes me uncomfortable and I just felt bad for the girls. The whole show basically revolving around Noora in every season and her amount of screen time. Chris and Emma in the end, a huge wtf that made no sense and came out of nowhere, as well as Jonas and Eva's suddenly reunion.

What I loved about 🇮🇹: Be aware that I'm biased since Italy is my favorite country since childhood. I love everything about it. Landscapes, food, clothes, cars, the men^^ and ofc the language and names. First and foremost the cinematography. Also the music. All the girls being pretty as fuck. I feel like they where more mature too, but that goes for the boys and Eduardo too. Elia being there since season 1. The skating shenanigans. Martino and Eva being the closest version of this friendship (which is why I hope they continue this in the next season and make them close again, not going for the best buds). Their parents being more involved. Edoardo not insulting Silvia. Giovanni constantly cursing and gesturing like the true Italian that he is. Ofc the bromance in s2, that was what the season was all about for me more than the romance (reason in the dislikes), how they all cared for each other, had actual conversations, were with marti everywhere and always supported him. Gio being the best friend ever and constantly checking in on marti. How all the boys and edos rich gang stood up for marti against the homophobes, I never cheered so loud during a clip istg. The man, the myth, the legends Chico roddi :D. Eduardos soft side, when he played creep or cried when Eleonora could tell him herself what happend. The way they merged the squads together and all hang out boys and girls and also Filippo. Filippo and Eleonora being siblings and literally everything that fillipo does, his sassyness is unmatched. Cute Short king luca, carefree elia. Seriously I could write novels about this boy squad. Their parties and how they do them at 9pm during business days. Guardami Martino! 😂 If I could chose I would want a Gio and Fillipo season.

What I disliked: The darkness, especially s2 although it looked romantic a lot of times. The way Gio kisses, listen I love him with all my heart but he looks like he wants to eat faces or lick them like a dog 😂. I couldn't get into Niccolò, he never grew on me, came of kinda cold and the chemistry between the actors compared to the other versions isn't that great imo. It also has the only Sana I don't like and don't care for her season. It's not bc of the controversy about the actress. She just comes of rude in the show and also has way too less scenes to get excited for her pov, Her relationship with Marti is also non existent. The lack of social media and texts. Some of the actors looking way too old.

What I loved about 🇫🇷: The many changes of season 3. The piano scene with literally heart eyes. Eliott being the biggest dork. Eliott being able to express his feelings about his MI. Eliott saying it's not a girl. The rain kiss. Lucas being a major cutie. His relationship with the girls and Manon in particular. How they helped Daphne with the room. That we get an Arthur season, he's my favorite Madhi. How happy they were when Lucas came out and how they cheered everytime they saw Eliott. The elu social media content. Yann apologizing for his behavior and comments in the past. The hedgehog and racoon personas. Imans dad. Alexia and Arthur becoming a thing. The bts and Interviews, especially the attentive Maxel friendship.

What I disliked: The first two seasons being 1:1 copy from the og, I only watched them bc I had a close french friend when it aired. The whole Charles shit in s3&4. The acoustic music often being a bit to on the nose, like the music before a jumpscare in horror movies, for example the common room meeting, it was so obvious they would fall in love. S3 of France is probably my favorite version of this season, but it is like a dramatic romcom movie and felt less realistic compared to the others and the og. Emma is super bland and kinda dumb. Mika being super rude to Lucas. The disrespect against iman. Sofiane actually dating Manon.

What I loved about Druck 🇩🇪: (Also biased since I am german) Jonas sweetness. Hans is hilarious. Jonas and Hannah reunion. Kiki turning into the sweetest. The girl squad being really close. The boy squad being dumbasses. The change of Alex and showing his anxiety. Kiki and Carlos being a wholesome couple. The changes and extra content. Amira and Mohammeds softness. Their sm game.

What I disliked: The dialogue sounds very cringey to me and super scripted. The Mia actress looks like she doesn't like to kiss Alex at all, no chemistry and no love to be seen for me. Mia being arrogant in general. That Amira had only 7 episodes and Mia extra concent for her boring relationship. I never could get into Matteo much, he was to much of a sloth to me, let everything just happen and while that may be realistic, it's for the viewer pretty boring. I also couldn't get into David much, we knew barely nothing about him for most of the time and then he was absent for like 3 weeks straight. Davenzi also came of as more like best friends to me as an couple in love, they were cuter in s4. Unrelated to the plot or show, but the druck stans that feel super entitled and superior.

What I loved about 🇪🇸: The made subtle changes from the start. Lucas coming out to Eva and not being a snake. Jorge being the softest Jonas and not lying about weed. The girl squad being the closest and cutest with another, as well as the boys and them being a mega squad since s1, way less inner group drama and the friendships in this versions are just super wholesome to me and my favorite girl squad. Also my favorite amira, she wants to adopt everyone and they all care and respect her religion and I have high hopes for her season. Their parties. Also the remake with the most sm content and texts. The only P Chris version that comes nearly close to the og, being sassy, charismatic and having hella sexual chemistry with eva. The fact that also my favorite chris got her own season, that they changed it to a wlw plot that was displayed tastefully and not overly sexualized. The portray of having borderline, being shown how it really is. Lucas having an Youtube channel and how supportive his boys reacted and how tender him and Jorge are, I can't stretched enough how much I love and stan attentive, genuine male friendships without toxic masculinity. Hugo being an absolute sweat heart since his first appearance, not being petty or mad with Cris and just being a true friend. If I could chose I would want a season about Lucas and Amira.

What I disliked: Alejandro looks like 14 to me and I'm not keen on seeing this plot for the 8th time. Viri and Cris clothes a lot of times, Ik they dress like teenagers these days do, but it just looks horrendous to me sry. Them stretching out the story between Cris and Joana so much and breaking them up like 5 times.

What I loved about wtfock 🇧🇪: I just started with season 3 live, because I couldn't get into the characters when the first clips of s1 dropped. I later binged s2 and watched some key clips of s1.

They changed many things for the better. First and foremost Senne, him being supportive of Zoë, a good flat mate and encouraging dad friend. Zoë giving him way more of a hard time and making him work for it. Robbe moving into the flatshare and becoming bff with Zoë. Not breaking up Zoenne and making Senne an important character in s3 as not only Zoës boyfriend. Sander! I love his whole art hoe - e boy brand, his music taste, his clothes, hair, how reckless he is, his blant flirting. Robbe being an absolute baby ™ and clingy af. The Willems chemistry is unmatched in the skam universe. Yasmina is so fucking pretty and intelligent. Rosanders date. Milan being sooo cute and Robbe having confidence in him and them being genuinely friends. I could swoon over the found family in the flatshare 24/7 and wish I could live with them. Robbes dad asking if Sander is a vegetarian. Luca & Noor shading Moyo. Noor having a personality besides being naïve and a beard for the Isak. Robbe caring about his mom.

What I disliked: Senne starting of as the worst William with his bracelets and showing around Ambers nudes. Ambers rudeness in general. The boys talking only about girls and totally ignoring Robbe for 6 weeks straight, especially Jens. Moyos sexist and homophobic comments and behavior. Clips and drama with no explanation or follow ups, brushed off or rushed scenes. The gay bashing and robbes slurs, them turning everything into drama for drama sake. For multiple weeks only clips that were either total drama or happy clips with no normal daily life. Exaggerating the robbe and noor make outs. No Sander the first 2 weeks. The lack of answeres from Sander and questions from Robbe, brushed of with one liners. Barely any texts.

[itsswimmingtragedycollection]

YouTubers are shitty people

First of all, deal with it, accept it, let it sink in so we can fix it like we should have done a long time ago. The more I get to know and learn about that community, the more I am convinced it’s specifically appealing to extraordinarily self absorbed, self important, egocentric, entitled people, and that’s no coincidence. I couldn’t put my finger on it for a long time, because it’s not until you come across a *few* actually decent youtubers that it becomes obvious. Reminds me of older generations and casual homophobia. They never see it as an issue because in their circles, everyone is doing it and it’s very well accepted if not even demanded.  The main reason I chose to call them collectively shitty instead of naming names, even though not *literally* every single one of them is shitty, is because they all (at least the very successful ones) seem to share certain character traits. But before we get into that, let’s discuss yt as a platform first. The best thing about it is also the absolute worst thing about it: ANYONE CAN DO IT. Politicians talk about farming as a low skill job, but that ain’t it, being a youtuber is. If you know how to film a video and have internet access, congratulations! Because that’s literally it. Now of course, some creators will put more time and effort and their additional skills into their work, but even if turning your camera on is all you got, it’s not an obstacle whatsoever. Just look at Tana Mongeau real quick. She sits in front of the camera, tells a whatever story, that could easily fit into THREE sentences, for half an hour, with minimal editing and bam! Hands down one of the laziest ‘content creators’ to this day, but still, in the yt world, she’s the 1%.  Other than Tana Mongeau, the more important problems with ‘anyone can do it’ are the factors determining who becomes the fairest of them all (which is what enabled her rise to fame in the first place). This is where we get political, but let’s get real, spilling the tea about who said what about who is so last year, in 2019 we’re looking at the bigger picture. The bigger picture would be, where we are as a society, which is not a good place at all. The situation is, a handful of people~the famous 1%~are fucking us in the ass for profit and effectively getting away with it.(Not really news) They are able to accomplish that with three main mechanisms: 1. Keeping people busy and stressed. If you have to get up early, work all day for shit pay and worry about paying your bills, debts, feeding yourself, keeping that job...you don’t actually have the time for much else. An average worker doesn’t have hours or days to spend on in-depth researching of socioeconomic trends, they’re mostly just going to rely on quick news they get from the media, which, as we all know, does not paint an accurate picture, to say the least. That middle class persona, who has a decent job, full 8 hours of sleep and some free time, with the rising rates of poverty and homelessness, is becoming a rarer and rarer occurrence.  2. Isolation. There’s this whole individualism thing that we got going on. You know the ‘We are all individuals for ourselves!! If you’re successful, it’s only because of YOU personally and if you’re a failure it’s because you’re stupid and unworthy!! Everyone is competition!! Asking for help is shameful!’ And also, belonging to a group (American, white, black, gay, straight, man, woman, trans...) is a part of our identity, but it’s almost like, identifying with a certain group means picking a side. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great to know where you come from and to find a place where you belong, but individualism has us thinking that the differences between these groups are somehow irreconcilable, when, in reality, we have a lot more in common than not.  3. Providing you with an enemy. We all see this every day. ‘Mexicans are stealing your jobs! Immigrants are the biggest threat to national security! North Korea is our number one enemy!’ You know, usually people with virtually no political or decision making power in the country get to take all the blame. And if you’re an average person, stressed, depressed and isolated, and someone points a finger and says ‘This is the reason your life sucks’ instead of saying ‘Hold up, that’s not true, you’re the reason my life sucks, get that dusty dick out of my ass and let me take a break’ you end up throwing stones at people getting fucked just as hard as you.  (I would also like to point out that a big part of keeping this in place is fucking up the education system and rewriting history in a way that favors the existing situation so one feels less inclined to question it form an early age.) Now let’s get back to youtubers. The reason I wrote this long ass introduction is because youtubers come from the society and are very much a part of it. They don’t fall from the sky straight into our hearts, even though it might feel that way sometimes. In fact they are a product of it, because who thrives and who perishes is decided by the said society. People tend to gather around content that resonates with them, so just like a Trump supporter is very unlikely to endorse AOC, and vice-versa, we support youtubers that align with/represent our own beliefs and values the most. So upon taking into consideration the very shitty values and beliefs that we get shoved down our throats on a daily basis, it is only reasonable to assume they take part in deciding which youtuber we like and want to see succeed. And if we take a closer look at youtube’s it list, we will notice some pretty worrying similarities. First of all it’s rare to find one without a questionable past (and present) that ranges from racism, sexism, misogyny to bullying, lying, scamming...It’s so common that it’s not even that big of a deal anymore, it’s just a thing that happens. Kinda like apology videos. Who doesn’t have at least one these days? It’s hard for me to believe that out of hundreds of thousands of youtubers out there, we somehow accidentally cherry picked, almost exclusively, only the ‘problematic’ ones. And they are all ‘problematic’ in the same way.   Second of all, they are very self important. Also coincidentally.  When you make tons of money and have worldwide fame at a young age, and most of them are young, you start to think that you *must* be special. God must have put his finger on your forehead and made you better than everyone for all of that to happen to you. Sadly, this is encouraged by fans too. Even more so since today being rich is *the shit*  and the ultimate end game, so people will look up to them, admire them, idolize them etc. This leaves a very strong ‘you can’t sit with us’ aftertaste and frequent outbursts of entitlement whether it’s inability to take criticism, coming after regular people, letting fans tear them apart or  refusing to be held accountable for your bs and blaming other people. I think James Charles is an excellent example of an entitled youtuber. Even Gabbie Hanna handles criticism better. And he also categorically refuses to be responsible for any damage he does. Whenever a sister scandal occurs it’s either a) not his fault or b) he was a different person back then and has since done some personal growth so we can’t hold it against him.  Next, we gotta talk about that youtuber ego. We get to experience it any and every time someone asks ‘Why tf are youtubers getting payed insane amounts of money?’ They are a very easily triggered bunch and I can’t count all the times I heard ‘YOUTUBE IS A JOB NO ONE WORKS FOR FREE SO NEITHER DO WE JEALOUSY IS A DISEASE GET WELL SOON’  Here’s the thing though, no one disputes the fact that it’s a job. What is unfathomable to outsiders is, why would someone give a person five figures for saying ‘Buy this shit it’s really cool’ on camera? How is that possibly worth that much? Fact of the matter is, it’s not, but saying ‘By this shit it’s really cool’ to a shit ton of your followers, is. The youtuber ego is what happens when you can’t say ‘We earn money by exploiting the trust our fans put in us’ but you still have to justify your position so you say ‘First of all. We’re super special, original and unique. This is a very hard job, we work our asses of, if it was easy, everyone would do it.’ And then you star believing it. But more importantly, your followers believe it too. At the beginning I pointed out that anyone can to it because it’s a low skill job, so if you wondered why everyone is not doing it, it’s precisely because we’re constantly being told the opposite, and I gotta say, I don’t see anyone questioning it. Even though it’s not even remotely true. Take a look at any group, beauty gurus, entertainers, commentary channels, drama channels, whatever you choose, if you’ve seen five creators in a bunch, you’ve pretty much seen them all, not a whole lot of originality going on there. In fact, this ‘uniqueness’ is nothing more than some basic branding. Drinking coffee is so Emma Chamberlain, conspiracy theories are so Shane Dawson, racism is so Pewdiepie and so on.  Pewdiepie actually brings me to my last point. He illustrates what I want to say so incredibly well. As we all know, he’s been called out, multiple times, for blatant racism, antisemitism, sexism, overall regressive, aggressive, harmful standpoints. And absolutely nothing happened, he’s doing just fine. Why is that? Because, firstly, he never gets called out by his own fans. Like I said, we pick who we support, which means his fans gathered around him because they liked and shared his viewpoints in the first place. Not only did they not call him out, they defended him. How many times is Pewdiepie going to have a sister scandal and get away with it? As many as he wants. He’s never gonna be cancelled because the only people who have the power to do that, love his racism. He’s virtually untouchable. It makes sense why he acts like he’s got God by the balls. And, coincidentally, he is the most followed youtuber in history of youtubers with 80 MILLION SUBSCRIBERS. All the other shitty youtubers ™ stay relevant and slaying for the exact same reason. Their fans like them because they are shitty, it’s a vicious circle. Not ony are shitty youtubers ™ a reflection of how much we need to do better, they are to an extent preventing that from happening. ‘Such, such and such bad behaviour made this person rich and famous, so it must be good, and every time I watch their videos I am surrounded by people who think the same, which in turn, encourages me to glorify it even more.’  The whole reason I wrote this, is because we really, really, need to do better. I have seen people calling them out on things I mention here, but so far I never saw anyone connecting the epidemic of shitty youtubers ™  to our current circumstances as a society, which is definitely there. So instead of wrapping ourselves into the comfortable blanket of ‘as long as a lot of other people are thinking like me, everything is fine’ we should start asking for more from ourselves and others.  Pass it on, spread the good word.