#why the actual fuck is there a sneeze kink tag

[goidsuop]

i could’ve sneezed but my sneeze didn’t come out and now im really sad about it cause i could’ve sneezed but i didn’t:(

[silentsneezes]

Any more sneezy silco/silco with the kink? Ahaha asking this for very normal reasons ahaha… im so normal about this

🧎I am in desperate need of silco snzfics and content, feed me please🙏🏻

 ohhhh i’m more than happy to supply you with my headcanons for s/ilco, thank you for an excuse to write more of these :) i am admittedly not normal about him at all so warning that they do get more nsfw towards the end… must’ve been the wind

his favorite things to induce himself with are a bobby pin or clothing tag. they give him the most control over inducing

if he’s inducing someone else, he prefers an irritant along the lines of chikini so they have less control. or he likes a clothing tag so he can tease them (sneeze edging? snedging?)

he’s the kind of sneezefucker who wants someone to sneeze into his mouth… and he wants to sneeze into someone’s else's mouth as well 

he has absolutely experimented to make some sort of sneezing powder or inducer (genius used for horny purposes)

gives out blessings very sparingly since to him they’re more than just a pleasantry… but he’ll also get pissy if someone doesn’t bless him 

he won’t offer his handkerchief to anyone else in need. he blames it on germs but would actually just rather watch them struggle to cover their sneezes 

for the person who mentioned z/aun/dads in my tags… i offer you some headcanons as a treat:

v/ander is the only other person to have used one of s/ilco’s handkerchiefs

(V/ander frustratedly saying “I know you always hhhHave one on you. Give it to mhhhme dammit,” after S/ilco denied him a few times… and as bratty as he is, S/ilco can’t deny a command. He hands it over hard as a rock… if V/ander knows about his kink I could picture S/ilco going, “you better make that up to me. you know i don’t share-” to which v/ander cuts him off with “i’ve been putting on a show for you all night. Don’t be so greedy,” in reference to his frequent sneezing tonight)

s/ilco absolutely loves to induce v/ander. from the first time he saw that man he was just waiting to get his hands on v/ander’s nose

if v/ander sneezes while s/ilco’s mad at him s/ilco will frustratedly tell him to stop… and when he can’t they end up having hot angry sex where they initially both fight for dominance and then s/ilco submits as soon as v/ander sneezes on his back cuddling and working through their problems obviously!

at first v/ander is somewhat hesitant to indulge in the kink (not judgemental, just hesitant. he has a lot of questions as to why s/ilco’s into sneezing, but once he better understands and sees just how fucking horny it makes him, he’s happy to indulge)

s/ilco eventually converts v/ander into having the kink to some extent…

typically s/ilco is the one doing the inducing, regardless of who’s sneezing, but he eventually let’s v/ander induce for him… v/ander cups his hand over s/ilco’s mouth and nose to catch every sneeze and murmurs blessings every time s/ilco came so fast v/ander thought he was faking it at first (cue humiliation and then another round to see how long s/ilco can hold out… turns out it’s not long when v/ander has one hand on his nose and the other on his…)

[heresathreebee]

Kinktober day 16 MASSAGE

Rick Flag X Reader smut

Tags: 18+ | 1.9k words | pregnancy, you and Rick are parents, sleep deprived, postpartum symptoms, male masturbation, voyeurism, lots of moaning, lube, I dont know what I'm doing but

AN: Listen I wrote this as a Kaia Castle fic basically. Unedited, no thoughts, only your boyfriend masturbating to the thought of you. 

Pregnancy is a fucking bitch. Especially the second time around. See for some people the first kid is the hardest and it's all sunshine and rainbows after. 

But not for you, despite having your baby's daddy with you this time. 

Rick is a godsend and frankly it's scary how nice it feels to have him so involved in this life changing event with you. You know in his heart he wishes he could have been there for your First, but you know deep down the Rick Flag from six years ago wouldn't have been ready for this. 

During your pregnancy, morning sickness was rampant well into your third trimester, you had to take most of your food as smoothies to keep them down, and you were often bedridden with some physical ailment like swollen ankles or impossibly tight back and neck pain. 

Rick's massages helped you stop missing work on those days. He had no problem doing it for hours, just working out every kink and knot from your head to your toes, talking to you about everything, and making you feel better. 

When you finally had your baby, they did stop for a very good reason. Rick was enraptured by his son– always asking to hold him, happy to change every diaper, and holding his little hand while you breastfed. You joked that your daughter was going to smother this baby in his crib out of jealousy and immediately, Rick made time for her too. 

And here you thought you couldn't fall in love with him even more. 

It's been 6 weeks since your son was born. Rick hated calling him Jonesy at first but the way you and Violet took to saying it, he eventually fell in love with it too. It's hard to let him sleep in his crib when his skin is so soft but you both manage (most nights anyways). It's not unusual for you to wake up and find Rick bent over the crib staring at your little angel but you had insisted on putting the baby in his own room some nights to give you more sleep. 

Tonight Jonesy's in his sister's room (she insisted). Rick's got the baby monitor video on the nightstand and has to keep telling Violet to go to bed. You chuckle and wrap your arms around his shoulders to make him lay back down. 

"She's just excited, baby," you say with a tired slur, "as long as she don't pick him up, they'll be fine." 

Everyone falls asleep, but a few hours later Rick's head is on your chest and he accidentally wakes you with a sneeze. "Sorry…" 

You groan and rub your eyes. "It's more sleep I've gotten in a long time." 

You trail off and wonder why you feel tight… you try to turn your head and pain explodes down your back. Rick lifts his head when you hiss and he sits up on his elbows. 

"What's wrong?" 

You gasp and press a hand to your neck. God, it's like your whole nervous system is screaming at you. You're suddenly desperate to move and push Rick to get off of you. 

Rick calls your name, "what's wrong?!" 

"My neck…" well it's everything actually but it's like it's starting at your neck and fucking everything up around you. "I don't know why it all just hurts…" 

"What can I do?" 

It's become his catchphrase: what can I do? How can I help? Rick would pluck the stars out of the sky or blow up the moon if you asked him. 

"Could you massage it, please?" 

You hiss through your teeth as you feel him adjust to sit behind you. His movements jostle the bed but you suck it up because he's not doing it on purpose. When you're situated between his legs, you feel his calloused hands on your shoulders begin to massage in circular motions at the base of your neck. It takes a few minutes for your body to catch up. 

After a few knots are released, you find breathing becomes easier. "Yeah, just like that. Harder, baby." 

Rick obeys and you moan indiscriminately. You are completely unaware of the effect you have on him– the crisis he is currently undergoing. Perhaps it’s just the fact you two haven’t had sex since your son was born– longer since the last two months of your pregnancy were a herculean trial for you. He remembers jerking off the day before you went into labor and feeling guilty for it despite your insistence it was perfectly fine. You had encouraged it seeing as you probably wouldn’t be able to have penetrative sex for a long time. 

This is the closest he’s been able to come to sexual pleasure with you in a hot minute. Rubbing you down with warming oils and kissing your face had stopped, he realized, when the kids needed more attention. He reasons that this is why he’s instantly hard tonight while he’s massaging the kinks out of your neck. 

He can hear and feel you ease into bliss as he continues to undo whatever had flared up and attacked you tonight. He kisses your shoulder just because and is surprised when you stand and throw your shirt to the side. Your breasts never fit your bras anymore– they change sizes wildly thanks to Jonesy’s feeding habits and usually spill out of the top like they do sometimes in his hands. 

“I’m sorry, baby, I know you’re probably tired but could you keep going?” You take off your bra and wipe a little bead of milk from one. “I miss your magic hands.” 

“Don’t need to ask me twice.” Rick let you lay down across the bed and sat himself on your hips. He wonders if you can feel his hard-on (you can) but he moves past it to keep massaging your back. Your cold feet press into his lower back as he works and neither of you say much, you just vibe in this rare moment of intimacy. 

You both get up to feed Jonesy and go back to bed after an hour. Rick's sure you're fast asleep but he can't, not without taking care of something first. You had noticed– had asked him if he needed help--and he immediately declined. 

"You just had a baby, we can't." 

"I mean physically we can, it doesn't hurt anymore but I wasn't talking about that," you replied, "my hand isn't broken and I know how much you love a good dirty talking sess." 

The offer was tempting but his guilt weighed him down. "I'll survive a few more months without it. I'm not an animal." 

"Suit yourself," you had shrugged. 

Fuck. He should have taken you up on your offer, he would probably be sleeping like a rock right now. You're out and the kids are quiet, maybe he should… 

Rick looked at you for a second and reached for his boxers to pull them down. His heart beat picks up as he checks to make sure you're still sleeping and wraps his hand around his shaft. He sighs as quietly as possible but thinks about using lube.  

Did you still have it in… he reached under his head and found it in your pillow case: a 4 oz bottle of cherry flavored lube. He poured a dollop into his palm and the mouth watering scent of cherry filled the room. He didn’t have time to warm it since he didn’t plan to be at it for long, but he was thinking about how cold your hands get in the winter time as he applied the lube to his cock. 

Rick takes a deep breath and lets his mind wander. Of all the changes to your body that pregnancy did, your postpartum belly was unbelievably soft. You always seem to slap his hand away when he squishes it, so he waits until you're distracted to feel you up. 

“Fuck,” he whispers in the dark. 

Your breasts changed too. Nipples darker, they were fatter than they were before, and the leaking… Rick squeezes the base of his cock when he thinks about the time your breastmilk leaked through your shirt during the 3 days the hospital decided to keep Jonesy overnight to watch him for rashes. Three days of you complaining about your breasts hurting, asking if they looked swollen (they did), and then there was the morning where you were late to work because you ruined your blouse because you were trying to wear a normal bra. 

Rick groans. He has no idea he’s making noises, barely even registered that slick sound of his hand fucking his cock. You can hear it, though. It took you a second to realize exactly what you were hearing, especially when he said your name. 

You smile to yourself, happy he was treating himself. Does he know he's squeezing your ass? Or is he just that focused? 

A particularly lascivious moan makes you squeeze your thighs together. 

Rick almost yells when you suddenly roll over. From his ears to his chest he turns beet red thinking he's been caught, but you simply sling your arm and leg around him, cuddling close before falling still again. 

He says your name– he does not want to wake you up but if you are awake he needs to know. You don't respond except to wriggle a little until he wraps his free arm around you. The room fills with silence once more and he sighs in relief assuming you've fallen back to sleep. 

He looks down to find your leg hooked around his and your thigh inches from his erection. There is about 2.5 seconds where he thinks about taking your hand and use it to fuck himself before he shakes it out of his head and goes back to doing it himself. 

The fingers of his other hand massage your hip. It doesn't take him long to get back to the excitement he felt before you scared him, what with your octopus cuddle body keeping him warmer than he was before. 

Unbeknownst to Rick, you're very awake. Like, not even bothering to keep your eyes closed. He can't see since your head is right under his chin and he can't look down but you have a very good view of the show thanks to a fortunately placed mirror on your vanity. 

Rick's hand halfway down your pants. Rick throwing his head back and exposing the bobbing of his Adam's apple. Rick's shiny cock appearing and disappearing beneath his working hand. 

You can hear he's close to cumming by the way he speeds up, gripping his dick and your hip hard to him, moaning breathlessly and somewhat uncontrollably. He grunts at the first rope that covers his bare chest and his heart stops when he realizes your heads up, eyes on him. 

You're smiling mischievously and wrap your hand around his dick just as a third rope paints his happy trail and getting some of his cum on your hand. Rick's entire body is shaking as he realizes he's been caught. 

Before he can recover from his orgasm or possibly die of embarrassment, the baby wakes up and crying can be heard on the monitor. 

"I got it, baby," You pat his messy stomach and stand up chuckling evilly. “Oh! One more thing…” 

You lick some of the cum off of his stomach and walk away. Rick’s going to get payback– someway, somehow, he’s going to, he promises himself.

[terresdebrume]

The Witcher - Favorite reads masterpost

Like much of Tumblr, I have recently fallen down the delicious rabbit hole of the saga of Henry Cavill’s abs in form-fitting leather, aka the tv adaptation of The Witcher. As always, that means semi-obsessive fic reading which in turn means recs! So, here’s a non-exhaustive, always evolving list of my favorite Witcher fic.

As of right now it’s...well, almost exclusively geraskier, because shipping is my primary reason for reading fics and also the Witcher (TV) tag is one of the most uniformly slashy ones I’ve ever seen, but there will be other kind of fics too. Hope you’ll enjoy :)

Tagging @nyliekeo because I’ve been saying I’d give you a rec list for a while and I’m finally (beginning to) deliver. Other stories will be added as I catch up with my reading and/or discover new ones.

Now with a Volume 2

Last updated Feb. 20th 2020.

Non Geraskier fics

Nighttime Conversations - Starfleet_Command_Unite_Bi

Specs: 731 words - Eist/Calanthe - Teen & Up Summary: Eist and Calanthe have a mostly serious conversation. Set about a year after they get married.

what changed? - TheSoliloquy 

Specs: 1939 words - Eist/Calanthe - Teen & Up Summary: Eist is a man born to belief and faith. Skelligens put stock in destiny... Perhaps they shouldn't. Or: Eist and his relationship with the Lioness of Cintra and her cubs.

Three times (and a half) - karadeniz

Specs: 4 450 words - General Audiences - Happy family dynamics Summary: The annals of Cintra are not that interesting, so Eist and Ciri push the definition of a history lesson a little.

You know The Princess Bride movie? Yeah, it's a little bit like that.

Capable - periwinklepromise

Specs: 100 words - General Audiences - Drabble Summary: Renfri is capable of many things

Between Roaches - RabidRabbit

Specs: 1 522 words - Geralt & Roach - General audiences - Sad going to hopeful Summary: Witchers live far, far longer lives than their mounts. So how does one deal with having to find another Roach when the loss of the previous one left a great gaping hole in the heart many people didn't believe Geralt had?

A Quiet Night - 2spaces_lesbo1

Specs: 1 214 words - Geralt & Ciri - General audiences - Fluff Summary: They have a still moment together.

you’ll be alright (no one can hurt you now) - hopeless_hope

Specs: 1 347 words - Teen & Up audiences - Grief/Mourning, soft dad Geralt Summary: “Hey,” he says, making sure he has her full attention. Ciri looks at him, and the amount of hope in her eyes scares him, though he’d never admit it. He pitches his voice low and soothing yet firm. “No one is going to hurt you while I’m here. And I won’t be leaving you.” She gives him a twisted smile. “They all say that,” she says bitterly, and Geralt spares himself a second to remind himself of what Ciri has lost. Her parents. Her grandparents. Her home. Geralt is all she has left. - In which Ciri has a nightmare and Geralt does his best to comfort her.

Geraskier fics

Limpid As Dammit - Gigi_Sainclair

Specs: 3 100 words - Teen & Up Summary: "The first time, Jaskier does it out of kindness, to avoid hurt feelings."

Becoming a hero - charlock221

Specs: 4 181 words - Teen & Up - Graphic depiction of violence Summary: Jaskier found that being a damsel in distress was only fun when the peril was very, very mild.Being a damsel in distress was definitely not fun when the peril was four thugs threatening him and he hadn’t spoken to his usual rescuer in several months.He just wasn’t sure he had what it took to become the hero.

The Ballad of Pots and Pans - 6th_magnitude

Specs: 1 880 words - Mature - Friends to lovers Summary: Geralt knows Jaskier is a bard - but until now, he’s never properly listened to his songs.

Astra Inclinant - JustGettingBy

Specs: 11 790 words - Explicit - AU Summary: When Jaskier is seven, he first hears the myths of the Witchers--those foul, half-human beasts.When Jaskier is twenty-one, he meets Geralt.He falls in love with him not long after.

kamilica - yogurtgun

Specs: 3 295 words - Explicit - Service Top Jaskier Summary: Jaskier rubs chamomile oil on Geralt's lovely bottom.

your very best friend, in the whole wide world - sargarepa

Specs: 5 996 words - General audiences - Soft!Geraskier - Touch-starved!Geralt Summary: Geralt of Rivia has spent a strange amount of time feverishly obsessing over the way Jaskier can just casually touch him, like it's nothing, like he's not an aberration capable of breaking Jaskier in half with a sneeze. Jaskier saw Geralt slice through monsters like pudding, covered in guts and grime and his own sweat and blood, but there he was, leaning against him and tuning his lute. Geralt doesn't know how to classify the feeling gripping him every time it happens, but he knows he doesn't want it to stop.

the world will follow after - friendlyghost

Specs: 8 827 words - Explicit - Dopplers - Scent kink Summary: The thing about dopplers is that while they know their target’s mind, they aren’t all that skilled in actually impersonating them. It’s easy to look like the baker’s wife and to know that she’s having an affair with the laundress down the road. It’s much harder to know not to kiss the laundress in front of the baker.In which a doppler impersonates Jaskier, Geralt realizes some things, and then they (Geralt and the real Jaskier) have sex. In that order.

His Touch - Sevent

Specs: 6 203 words - Mature - Touch starved! Geralt Summary: Jaskier is an affectionate man. It drives Geralt mad, but in more ways than he knows how to put into words.

Masterwork - phnelt

Specs: 1 461 words - Teen & Up - Master Bard!Jaskier Summary: “Master Jaskier, please meet your apprentice. Valdemar, do try to contain yourself.” Master Juhani looked at Jaskier’s expression and coughed. “Surely you remember the duties of a Master, Jaskier.”

let us shake the abacus - Ark

Specs: 3 062 words - Explicit - Denial (of feelings) Summary: "This is a bad idea," says Geralt."Terrible idea," Jaskier agrees. He kisses up Geralt’s neck, his tongue wicked on Geralt’s ear. "Really bad."

What Pleases You - jesstiel (jseca)

Specs: 5 725 words - Not rated - Geralt & Jaskier do go to the coast. Summary: “Well, it’s just – we were on the brink of finding a dragon.   You had Yennefer in your grasp – or perhaps you in hers, it’s difficult to tell, sometimes.  Adventure, peril, romance!  And.. you walked away.”

“You asked me to,” Geralt says, like it's that easy.

--

Now With Chapter 2: They Actually Get To The Coast.

Companionship - ArliaDevi

Specs: 4 104 words - Teen & Up - Found family Summary: In which Ciri suspects but cannot confirm.

Or, Geralt and Jaskier get domestic. Well, as domestic as they can.

it steals all my reason - theredtailedhawkwithjewelsforeyes

Specs: 1 382 words - General Audiences - Pneumonia Summary: The worst thing, Geralt thinks, is the quiet. There is no singing, just the heavy labour of breaths hard-won.

Sinister as Silence - MountainRose

Specs: 1 783 words - Teen & Up - Monster of the week Summary: Jaskier goes quiet for one second, and it's enough for Geralt to have a heart attack.

When the Morning Light Shines In - QueenForADay

Specs: 2 760 words - General Audiences - Morning After, Lazy mornings Summary: Jaskier can’t think of any point in their travels together where he has woken up before the other man. In mornings where they were surrounded by trees, or half-way up a stupid, fucking mountain because of a stupid, fucking quest posed to them by some stupid, fucking man, he’ll always wake to the sound of Geralt moving around: whether it’s rolling up his own tent, or taking his blades to a whetstone, or fixing the last of Roach’s gear. He remembers Geralt telling him about not being able to sleep. Until then, he supposed, Witchers might not have needed it. Then again, until he met Geralt, he can’t say for certain that he knew exactly what a Witcher did and didn’t need. He can’t think of any point in their travels together where he has woken up before the other man – except for now.

The Knack of Acting Normal - KeriArentikai

Specs: 4 407 words - Teen & Up - Geralt is bad at feelings, but he gets better Summary: It's been almost two years since the last time he's seen him. Jaskier looks the same to Geralt. Maybe a little older, he supposes. Happier, certainly, than when he turned away on the rocks. [Geralt is sad. Jaskier is sad. And then after a while they are both happy.]

Weak, My Love, and I Am Wanting - TabbyCat33098

Specs: 2 443 words -Teen & Up - Getting together Summary: Jaskier has written a lot of ballads about some woman who has stolen his heart. The thing is, he's been on the road with Geralt for the past month. He hasn't had any time to court a woman, much less have his heart broken by her. So who is this woman? The answer may shock you. // “There’s no lady,” Geralt says. Jaskier trails off. “Well, of course not,” he says instead. “I imagine a woman would take grave offense to the frequency with which we give our patronage to brothels, not to mention your unseemly habit of bathing in monster blood and other revolting gunk.” He wrinkles his nose. “Perhaps I should write an ode to your masterful powers of observation next.” “But you were talking about a woman tonight,” Geralt continues, ignoring Jaskier entirely.

there’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met - theredtailedhawkwithjewelsforeyes

Specs: 2 469 words - Teen & Up - Not really a character death Summary: “I wonder,” says Dandelion, lounging under a tree- his lute is in his lap. Geralt is cleaning his sword and stealing glances at him every few moments. “I wonder why it is some people feel so familiar. I could swear I’d never met you, Geralt, but you’re- maybe it’s just from those old songs.” He strums a chord, and when he starts on Toss a Coin Geralt grits out a “stop it” before he can even think.

Where the Field Meets the Forest - karcheri

Specs: 782 words - General Audiences - Flowers meanings Summary: Jaskier has been putting flowers into Geralt's hair. He catches on.

Speechless - Silverynight

Specs: 1 371 words - Teen & Up - Emotional repression Summary: The first time Jaskier wakes up next to Geralt he tells himself it’s an accident, even though he knows it doesn’t make any sense. Of course he’s attracted to his friend (the witcher would never admit they’re friends because he’s an idiot, but they are friends) he’s been attracted to men before, however… He’s never actually slept with one before, only women. Perhaps that’s the reason why he hasn’t said anything since he woke up. He’s still trying to think about what happened. Not that he didn’t enjoy it, quite the opposite in fact, it’s just… Jaskier thought he’d never sleep with a man.

a broken pot can still hold water - MarionetteFtHJM

Specs: 28 742 words - Explicit - Jaskier makes Geralt grovel a bit. Summary: Despite what his outward code of conduct would have you thinking, Jaskier knows when he is not wanted. He allows himself the exact amount of three days of wallowing in that small town before he packs his meager possessions and hits the road like nothing happened. In those three days he sings and dances for his food and drink, fucks the pretty barmaid and sleeps off the hangover before heading out in the morning of the fourth day. He travels alone for the first time in a while but it’s alright. Now, if only people would stop telling him that the Witcher asks about him - that'd be swell.

Surprise, Surprise - Laylabinx

Specs: 1 732 words - Mature - Graphic depiction of violence Summary: Even in the dim light, he can see that Jaskier is absolutely covered in blood. His clothes are splattered with it, his face is streaked, there’s even blood in his hair. His arms are slick and saturated up to the elbow and the sharp, polished blade Geralt had given him before he went into the cave is still gripped tightly in one fist like he can’t let it go. His knees are drawn up to his chest like he’s trying to make himself very small and aside from his quiet, hitched breathing he doesn’t move at all.Jaskier blinks at him and his expression crumples just slightly as he stifles back a sob. “I killed them.” (Or Jaskier is forced to kill in self-defense and does not handle it well. Geralt helps him pick up the pieces.)

Opulence - QueenForADay

Specs: 7 237 words - Explicit - Praise kink, some plot. Summary: In private, and sheltered from the wandering eyes of stablehands, Jaskier presses a light kiss to Geralt’s neck. “Please?” he mumbles against the skin, smirking as he trails his nose along a tendon there. “For me?” Geralt turns, catching Jaskier’s lips in a kiss that, if he wasn’t completely aware of how discreet they have to be, would become so much more. Jaskier still doesn’t move his hands though; one on the small of Geralt’s back, and the other holding on to a forearm. When he pulls away, Jaskier tries to follow, but a barked order from one of the grooms to a nearby stableboy makes him pull away. “Siren,” Geralt sighs. He would follow Jaskier anywhere. The bard knows that. He’s abused that fact. But the city they’re heading to has a reputation; draped in gold with springs of silver in the main square, it’s opulence at its finest. And Geralt is pretty sure that, although he’ll appreciate the comfy bed and the nice food, he’s going to fucking hate the rest of it.

Here’s a safe place (to lay your heart down) - Some_Dead_Guy

Specs: 1 439 words - Teen & Up - Hurt/Comfort Summary: “My mother used to do this for me, when I got headaches.” Jaskier murmurs, his voice quiet and soft, “I was a bit clumsy as a child, still am now I’m sure you’d say.” Jaskier chuckles and Geralt can feel the puff of his breath against his face, “I hit my head a lot, and this would make me feel better. Not sure how well it works on Witchers but–” “Works just fine.” Geralt mumbles, and his head splitting headache has dulled to a barely there throb under Jaskier’s fingers. Or, Geralt has a headache and his bard comes to the rescue.

I spoke your name (out loud to the room) - objectlesson

Specs: 1 151 words - Mature - Unrequited love Summary: You wish Jaskier would leave you the fuck alone, but he clings to you like ash after flames have laid waste to a village, like clotted crimson after you have killed something with your bare hands. However, you can scrub blood out from under your nails. Jaskier, so far, has proven to be far more indelible.

To Sleep Perchance To - Sospes

Specs: 16 955 - Mature - Graphic depiction of violence, torture, PTSD Summary: Jaskier gets kidnapped and tortured. Geralt comes to rescue him. Except it's not quite that simple.

Scales and Songs - TeenyTinyTony

Specs: 4 640 words - Teen & Up - Siren!Jaskier AU Summary: Geralt had known from the moment Jaskier introduced himself that the bard wasn't human, but he had seemed harmless enough and Geralt wasn't one to chase something that wasn't hurting anyone. It was easier not to mention it.

Starving on Scraps of Kindness - penguistifical

Specs: 4 388 words - Explicit - Orgasm delay/denial, not entirely human!Jaskier Summary: "It seems obvious in retrospect, but Geralt didn’t realize Jaskier’s true nature until the two of them encountered a succubus."

Benefits - ShastaFirecracker

Specs: 3 319 words - Explicit - Friends with benefits, coming untouched Summary: Whenever Jaskier's mouth isn't occupied, he talks. Low, easily, about anything. Sounds to soothe. And the thing is – unlike all the rest of the time, Jaskier is pretty sure that when he talks while he's chasing Geralt's pleasure, Geralt listens. It's a heady drug. And yes, Jaskier is becoming addicted.

Sleepsong - QueenForADay

Specs: 1 643 words - General audiences - Geralt wakes up from a nightmare, Jaskier helps. Summary: Some part of him wishes that people could see this – the man that they all fear so much, the Witcher, a hunter of the supernatural and evil, placated by his bard’s voice, melting into his arms. All he’s missing is hearing Geralt purr like a housecat. Every so often, Jaskier’s ears prick at the sound of a murmur of a hum leaving the other man, particularly when Jaskier presses a kiss to the crown of Geralt’s head, or runs his foot along the length of Geralt’s bared leg.

And at the same time, he would gladly pick up a sword and kill anyone who even thought of intruding on a moment like this.

When sorrow sang - Ailendolin

Specs: 11 184 words - Teen & Up audiences - Regret, pining Summary:  Alone, with only his trusted lute as companion, Jaskier sat in front of a pitiful fire, strumming his instrument with almost absentminded fingers. His hands were trembling, something Geralt had never seen them do before, and that was startling enough to make him pause at the edge of the clearing, just out of sight. “I’m weak, my love, and I am wanting,” Jaskier sang softly, and his voice broke with so much sorrow Geralt could feel it in his very bones. After their fight it doesn't take long for Geralt to stumble upon Jaskier again. There's only one way down the mountain, after all. What he didn't expect was to catch him in an unguarded moment - one that changes everything for both of them.

Neither one prepared - Sevent

Specs: 10 050 words - Mature - Idiots who don’t know they’re in love, semi-slow burn Summary: Between the Djinn and the Dragon Hunt, Geralt and Jaskier share many encounters on the road. A collection of coincidences, through Jaskier's eyes.

look what you made me do - cicak

Specs: 6 569 words - Explicit - Farce with porn Summary: “Like that dandy has ever bedded a woman,” the woman at the next table scoffed. “All those sexy songs of his are about that Witcher.”

The Love of a Bard - SpaceSexual

Specs: 2 103 words - Teen & Up audiences Summary: "The pen is mightier than the sword - and so it would seem, is the lute." Jaskier's a bard, a truly exceptional model of his vocation. He writes songs that bring crowds to their feet and thinks his time spent with the Witcher has let him learn a step or two of his own. However, some dances require one step forward, and a few very rapid, fear-filled, paces back.

Priorities - Penguistifical

Specs: 2 590 words - Teen & Up - Geralt cares and so does Jaskier Summary: Geralt’s getting used to a certain bard's company, but he can’t help but notice that Jaskier takes better care of his lute than of himself.

Curiosities - Luddleston

Specs: 3 109 words - Teen & Up audiences - Banter, witcher biology Summary:  "Geralt, let me ask you a question." "No." "Oh, come now. It's nothing ridiculous." Jaskier does his research, Geralt is tired of all the questions, and the questions get more and more personal along the way.

Woodash and iron and leather - LokelaniRose

Specs: 9 874 words - Explicit - Mutual admiration - Mutual pining Summary: Jaskier is the only person Geralt's ever been around who doesn't smell of fear. Russian Translation here Korean Translation here

lay (not) your heart against him - theredtailedhawkwithjewelsforeyes

Specs: 1 368 words - Teen & Up audiences - Geralt of Rivia is bad at communicating, scenting Summary: He’s a brave man but the core of it is that he trusts Geralt to save him before anything ever gets too close. It’s- Well. Geralt thinks the last time someone trusted him as far as they could throw him was when he was still a child. Before Kaer Morhen, before anything. His world is a cruel, cutthroat one. He doesn’t know what to do with this unceasing, unspoken dedication. So he doesn’t mention it. Probably Jaskier doesn’t even realize what he’s doing. 

The Ballad of the Bard and the Moon - Ravenheart

Specs: 2 605 words - Mature - It’s all about the YEARNING Summary: If the moon allowed it, Jaskier would call himself a worshipper for as long as he lived. And that, he guessed, was the problem. Because the moon could keep you company, but it couldn't worship back. It might give you direction, and you might even be blessed with its protection, but it would go its own way, whether you followed or stayed behind. Stubbornly determined to walk the night at its own pace, painting its own path. (Alternatively: Jaskier spends over 2k trying to figure out that he's in love with Geralt, and then he does something about it)

in restless dreams i walked alone (the sound of silence) - august_embers

Specs: 16 136 words - Not rated - Mental health issues, suicidal thoughts (but no actual suicide attempt), Jaskier is not okay sometimes Summary: "Geralt is able to scent the guilt on a lying man from ten feet away, to catch sight of half a pawprint in the undergrowth in the dead of night, to know when to lean back before the coming blade can cut through his throat.  Much of it comes from his training at Kaer Morhen, where his instincts were honed and enhanced, but even more comes from his travels and experiences while walking the Path.  Geralt notices things, because not noticing means death. He does not notice the lack of singing." Something is very wrong with Jaskier.

front row praises - The_Watchers_Crown

Specs: 25 098 words - Explicit - Porn with feelings Summary: The girl rolls her eyes at him. “If you’re just going to stand here ogling the witcher, maybe go and do it out of the way.” “Ogling.” Jaskier scoffs. “Who’s ogling?” She looks unimpressed. “Have you told him you want him to fuck you?”

Inspiration - CobaltCephalopod

Specs: 1 131 words - General audiences - Magic, musical instruments Summary: Between all the half-hummed melodies and scratched out words to be had over the course of decades, Geralt knows how Jaskier’s songs work and how they are made. He’s the subject of them, more often than not, and he can’t count the number of hours spent falling asleep to Jaskier’s strumming while he huddles closer to the dying fire to read what he’d scribbled so far. Or: I figured Filavandrel's lute probably has some kind of magic in it.

a fool by profession - besselfcn

Specs: 967 words - General audiences - Jaskier tells his problems to a horse Summary: “Make sure my horse gets a bath,” Jaskier mumbles, in a poor imitation of Geralt’s distressingly low register. “Who does he think he is, honestly? Man has one bloody popular song written after him and he thinks I’ll attend to his beck and call, is that it?” He gives pause for Roach to weigh in, if she’s inclined. She snorts.

i’ve never been there bu i know the way - theredtailedhawkwithjewelsforeyes

Specs: 2 525 words - Mature - Basically jaskier starts being competent and Geralt is like. huh. Huh. Summary: On the left hand of the noble, however, is Jaskier. His charm is turned up to eleven, and Geralt could swear he’s batting his eyelashes, and his voice is all syrupy-sweet. He squints at his bard to no avail- Jaskier is very determinedly seducing this damn noble. And what’s worse is that it’s working. Somehow, improbably, Jaskier is charming him through shockingly well delivered compliments and subtle little flattering remarks. It’s such a far cry from the stuttering, irritating bard Geralt knows that he feels almost offended, like this has been purposefully hidden from him just to pull out at the most fucking inopportune time he could possibly find. 

Tinseltown - LaurytheLatrador

Specs: 16 545 words - Mature - Alternate Universe - Hollywood Summary: Back when Jaskier was a small town busker he hooked up with Geralt, an MMA fighter gaining renown. Now Jaskier's a musician struggling to keep his head above water in Los Angeles, while his ex is one of the most famous actors in the world. He never expected their paths to cross again, but there wouldn't be any stories if life went the way we expect.

Where there’s a Witcher - ghostinthelibrary

Specs: 61 278 words - Mature - Alternate Universe - Modern setting Summary: Jaskier is a twentysomething recently unemployed journalist and amateur musician looking for his big break. So when he’s saved from the jaws of a wyvern by the infamous Butcher of Blaviken, Geralt of Rivia, he comes up with a brilliant idea: he’ll follow the Witcher around and sing about their exploits. He’ll gain fame and fortune and Geralt will get a much needed image rehab. Everyone wins. Unless Jaskier goes and falls in love like an idiot.

The Witcher Wolf - im_fairly_witty

Specs: 11 448 words - Teen & Up audiences - Geralt accidentally becomes an emotional support animal Summary: It’s been two weeks since Geralt shouted Jaskier away from him on that mountain and Jaskier has been handling it like a champ by forlornly wandering alone in the wilderness with his lute. When he (literally) stumbles across an injured white wolf he decides to take a chance and see if he can help it, appreciating the irony of the situation but not quite realizing why it is that the wolf’s golden eyes look exactly like his Witcher’s... Inspired by @kayivy's lovely art on tumblr

home is nowhere, therefore you - Ark

Specs:  18 134 words - Explicit - Fairytales, love confessions Summary: "Right, well," Jaskier says, when he halts before Geralt. Up close, he looks much more nervous. There is sweat on his brow and his collar is damp with it, and his teeth keep catching on his lower lip. "True love's kiss. There's—ah—there's nothing to it." And he bends, the utter imbecile, and kisses Geralt full on the mouth.

Two Halves of a Whole - penguistifical

Specs: 3 450 words - Teen & Up audiences - Alternate Universe - Daemons Summary: Geralt doesn’t take much notice at first when the small brown bird alights on his table.

Second Refrain - Kenjiandco

Specs: 7 006 words - Explicit - Siren magic has unexpected effects on witchers Summary:  It’s been...Gods, it’s been more than a year since their paths last crossed. Since Geralt emphatically un-crossed them, one could say, outside another cave high up on a windy mountain top.  And here they are, trapped like a couple of treed cats in this little hole in a cliff face. No horse, no pack, no potions, no swords. Just a rapidly dwindling handful of dried meat, a useless hunting knife, a festering bite in his side that hurts much more than it should...and Jaskier, the surest omen that everything in his life is about completely stop making sense. Again. In which back-to-back encounters with a siren, a wyvern, and an old, old friend leave Geralt in need of a rescue. Just not the one he thought he needed.

is there a person more cherished - nowherebound

Specs: 629 words - General audiences - Just Geralt and Jaskier loving each other very much Summary: Geralt is the most fond of him. Fond, fond, fond… fond of his chestnut hair and sloped eyebrows, smoothed back by two gentle thumbs; honest eyes and sweet voice, bathing him in praise; slender waist and soft belly, perfect for resting his head on; petite hands, fingertips calloused from lute strings. How pretty, how divine, how lovely that Geralt is the one who gets to hold him, to love him. Yes, he is the most fond.

Food of love - tanktrilby

Specs: 22 485 words - Teen & Up audiences - Magical bard Jaskier, Renfri lives Summary: I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again. (or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)

You Suffer Alone, Not Anymore - Sevent

Specs: 2 719 words - Teen & Up - Roach is an emotional support horse Summary: There's much Geralt is willing to put up with. The trials and tribulations of his witcher youth prepared him for a lifetime of cruelty and scorn. No one ever prepared him for kindness.

Guide - TenSpencerRiedPlease

Specs: 2 740 words - Not Rated - Alternate Universe - Sentinels and Guides, Protective Jaskier Summary: “Oh for the love of god Geralt, could you cooperate for like five minutes?” Jaskier asks as he pushes Geralt to sit on the ground. He doesn’t look impressed about it but if his ass wasn’t constantly going into some type of zone out or sensory overload this wouldn’t be an issue. They’ve already had to mute all the colors on the TV, it never plays very loud, he’s only just gotten used to sun light of all things and he can sit on the ground because Jaskier has long ago discovered that if he’s touching Geralt he doesn’t lose his focus in another sense so much. Geralt glares at him the whole way down but he does go.

[huntertales]

dude these one line head canon things are pure GOLD! i love them haha, you’re awesome! maybe we could make a thing out of this👀 random dates where we all get on and send you some prompts or one liner ideas in the ask box.

i should make it clear NONE of these are my own. i was going through the incorrect quote tag and finding ones that in thought were funny and editing them for the rewrite. i try to find ones that are pretty popular that I’ve seen floating around. and a lot of the ones i chose this time were from shows that i love so much. full credit to the hilarious people who actually came up with these! I’m just doin this to brighten our day!

y/n: how much do you drink? dean: well, not much. I mean, I'll have a glass and a half of wine at lunch, then nothing like an ice cold Zima when the sun is setting. Zinfandel spritzers while I'm cooking dinner, red not white. Several gin and tonics with my evening meal which takes me straight into dessert with some delicious cherry wine. Then, I'll curl up with the latest issue of O Magazine and half a bottle of scotch. Then a shot of whiskey before bed, so my dreams are peculiar and nice. Come morning, I can hardly get out of bed without a spicy bloody Mary. Can you blame me, Señor? I like the bite, cha cha! Then a couple of wine coolers, two or three, in the mid morning for energy—zappo! What do you know, we're back at lunch time, which means wine time in my book! y/n: good god

y/n: you know Lucifer can be real aggressive, so it’s important to take all the necessary precautions before approaching y/n: *blows an air horn at Lucifer* GET FUCKED

soulless!sam: this is crazy, but i’m having feelings again, like some kind of fourteen year old kid or something. you remember feelings, right? y/n: yeah, i have feelings every single day of my life soulless!sam: you do? y/n: ...are you saying you don’t have feelings?

dean: i think...you’re my girlfriend y/n: you think? dean: well I’m still figuring it out, because now I’m realizing I’ve never had one before y/n: this would be a really sweet moment of what you just admitted wasn’t so sad

dean: how long have you been sleeping with Sam? y/n: that’s disgusting. and wrong. i don’t even get-why would-i’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. it’s none of your-you have- the nerve, the audacity, Sam is my best friend, technically. and he is terrible, face wise. and how-how do i know you’re not sleeping with him? maybe you’re trying to throw me off? hmm, check and mate.

y/n: cas isn’t my friend. he’s someone i like to antagonize all the time, and one time we talked about something real sam: that’s a friend, y/n

y/n: what’s your blood type? dean: how would i know? Y/n: how would you not? dean: who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups? y/n: so you don’t know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them?

y/n: my mom told me she loved me all the time crowley: exactly, look at how you turned out y/n: Uh...with high self esteem?

y/n: do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to get out of handcuffs? sam: whew! thank god you’ve been arrested so many times y/n: arrested?

dean: y/n freaked out cause I told her I never drank water, so now she’s making me drink eight glasses a day. it’s like, there’s water in beer, there’s water in coffee, there’s little pools of water in pizza sam: that’s grease, Deanz dean: well it’s wet, isn’t it?

y/n at a family meeting: all right, listen up you little shits y/n, softer: not you, jack, you’re an angel and we’re glad you’re here

sam after 3x11: it is Wednesday my dudes sam: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

dean: I’m not scamming the government! it’s what’s what you’re saying! y/n: your license plate says “$cammin”

y/n: when you’ve been around for long as i have you learn to develop a thick skin dean: navy blue really isn’t your color y/n: navy blue brings out my eyes, you PRICK!

y/n: *hiding behind a blanket while seeing hallucinations of Lucifer* what do you want from me? lucifer: *eating a Kit Kat without breaking it* y/n: please! stooop!

y/n: calling people daddy is gross dean: stop kink shaming me y/n: kink shaming IS my kink dean: AHHH

dean: if this about those stupid tamagotchis, you left me with six of them, y/n! taking care of that many is like a full-time job! y/n: I left you with six adult tamagotchis in perfect healthy and by the time I came back home. you have to like, ACTIVELY murder them in order for that to happen!

dean: sometimes when we disagree, you get so passionate, it feels like i’m arguing with the sun y/n: what? that is totally crazy. I AM SUPER CHILL ALL THE TIME

dean: next time I want to hurt someone i’m coming to you straight for help y/n: aw, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me!

y/n: well, i hate to say i told you so Dean: really? y/n: no. it’s one of the few great pleasures in life

gabriel: flirting is part of my heritage cas: what does that mean? y/n: it means his father was a slut too

josh: how do you guys usually get out of these messes? y/n: we don’t. we just make bigger messes that cancels out the first one

y/n: stop, i’m claustrophobic jack: what’s claustrophobic mean? cas: i think it means she’s afraid of Santa clause dean: HO HO HO jack: STOP IT DEAN YOURE SCARING HER

y/n: *helping dean with his homework* this assignment is easy just write down your happiest childhood memory dean: excuse me my what now

y/n: if you don’t do your work you’re going to end up at McDonald’s jack: we’re going to McDonald’s if I don’t do my work? y/n: NO

y/n: are you getting enough sleep? dean: sometimes when I sneeze my eyes close

y/n: so if you have twelve apples and your girlfriend asks for six, what do you have?  sam, tearing up: a girlfriend :’)

[bredsticon-blog]

title: ¡quake! & ~the wave~

desc: by day, you're a reporter for a sketchy newspaper called the exposé. by night, you're a hero named ¡quake! (the exclamation points actually stand for the ground shaking). you and a fellow reporter, brandon arreaga, have recently found the lead on a villain's identity: ~THE WAVE~ (the tildes actually stand for the water... er, waving). ~THE WAVE~ is also your archenemy. who is also brandon arreaga. ...whoops.

part: one (déjà vu)

tags: superhero au, dark! brandon arreaga, humor, love square, gender neutral reader (as always), cussing, mentions of drug use, alcohol, & death (later on)

word count: 1.2k

notes: i have a really large kink for weird multipart aus so expect more to come :^) i have an edwin and austin one coming up. whichever i update first depends on the responses i get

You're not groggy and foggy this morning. You haven't had your coffee yet and the sun isn't peaking through the boarded windows, but you don't stumble around your room, either. Not like there's much to stumble around. Furniture is hard to move from house to house. That, and you stuffed too many confidential documents in the couch cushions to trust any moving company.

In fact, you're never groggy and foggy in the mornings. You don't need to drink coffee. You could step outside in your costume, turn to the wall of flashing lights and microphones, and say three words: "I want chairs." and every furniture designer in the world would scramble to ship their best pieces to you. Not that they'd know your address—you've made certain that no one would—but they'd try.

You make your way to the living room, gingerly stepping over piles of unopened letters covered in kiss prints and heart stickers. Your fans discovered your past home, so you had to move before they found out who lived there. A box T.V., slouching on one of your untouched packing boxes, blares in the corner. You grimace and cover your ears, but you can still hear it.

"International supervillains quake at the sight of ¡quake! Haha, that was a nice one, wasn't it, Normani? Last night, ~THE WAVE~ was found plotting to stea—"

You dart to the TV and turn the volume down one notch. It goes mute. There you go, that's it. Bliss.

Not for long.

Something goes off near your hip. You scramble in the deep plush of your pajama pockets. It's like an earthquake. Your skin vibrates along with it. Your fingers clasp around smooth plastic, and you tug your phone out.

"HELLO, STERLING."

Your boss's voice explodes in your ears; you grimace, throwing your phone to a couch.

"Yes, boss?" you say, answering to your alias. Sterling wasn't your actual name, but that's what your boss calls you when she's on the phone. In case someone's tracking.

From the couch, her voice is less booming. "Sterling, a certain friend of yours has told me that you moved again? Without telling me?"

But just as terrifying.

"Yes, boss. People found my address and started sending things. Most were good but... gross things, too. Y'know how it is now. Normals have a fetish for me. My kind."

You give her a second to respond.

"You're lucky I pity you, babe." Your boss is one of a kind. She's the only person in the world who pities you. "If you weren't you, if you didn't have your condition, if you didn't always give me the juiciest stories, I'd damn near fire you for moving so much. On my bill. This is the sixth time this year, no?"

You nod, then realize that it's a phone call. "Uh- yeah. It is."

Since you're a "superhuman," the government requires that you register to UN, fingerprints included. Your superhero identity would be tacked on every piece of ID you ever own.

The thing is, you're one of the only heroes with a living archenemy. Which means you don't exactly want everyone to know who you are. Which also means that the government doesn't know you exist. Can't file taxes, buy anything substantial, or get a proper paycheck. You just rely on your boss's money to keep you afloat. Every time you move, it's been on her card.

She sighs. "Fine, fine. Just keep up the good work. You being... you is worth it."

"Will do."

"Speaking of good work, I have an assignment for you. You know that person that's been bugging you for the past few years? Well, after the information you gave me, Brandon's found something new on them." Her voice takes on a sparkle. "This is gonna be big. If this doesn't blow up our paper, I don't know what will."

Your eyebrows shoot up. Wait a minute—is she talking about the bane of your existence? ~THE WAVE~? The person that's been messing you up ever since you got your powers?

"The thing is, my darling Sterling, it's so big, I will need your sharp senses. Brandon refuses to leave this story, so both of you are going to work on it."

There's only six reporters working for the Exposé—and she's putting two on one story. That's one third of her entire business. On one story.

"Now, dear, could you tell me your new address so he could do a little hop and skip to your place? Some of this stuff is deeply sensitive."

You whisper it in the a special code you two formulated. Your ears pick up a faint scribbling sound, and she speaks once more.

"Wonderful, wonderful. He'll be over at three!"

She ends the call.

You gulp. Your house is the definition of a wreck. You have fan gifts addressed to ¡quake! all over the place, and as far as Mr. Arreaga is concerned, your name is Sterling, and you're just a humble reporter. You haven't brushed your teeth yet. You didn't take a shower in two days. Your good fits are still in your car. It's two o'clock.

As the great Captain America once said: Fuck.

You speed through your personal hygiene, going in and out of the bathroom to dig through boxes. You knew you should've unpacked sooner. You knew it, and you didn't.

After that, you take all your gifts into the basement. Or, rather, roll them into the basement, since you couldn't carry some. Being ¡quake! didn't give you super-strength, and one person literally gave you a tree (their prized Pennantia baylisiana). You have no idea how that went through UPS, but it did, and you also had the ignorance to bring it with you when you moved. You truly question why little kids look up to you.

You aggressively dust the house, push around furniture, pick a good fit, and sneeze a good fifty times before finishing. The boarded windows look suspicious, but you can just say you're a conspiracy nut. Brandon doesn't much about you, so you can make up whatever bullshit you want. Chances are, he'll believe it.

None of your coworkers know that much about you, really. The other five are pretty much brothers, while you've kept to yourself. For good reasons. You haven't killed your archenemy yet. Until then, you've vowed to keep your hero life away from your personal life. It's the only way to keep everyone safe. Especially when it's your archenemy.

So you chit chat with them, act friendly but not too friendly, just average. You bring good stories, though, the latest scoop, all that. Even if you hold back a bit, you know enough about the criminals in this area to satisfy any paper. It gives you a good excuse to act like you're leaving for an assignment when you're actually just punching ~THE WAVE~. Your coworkers don't know more than they need to. And you plan on keeping it that way.

The doorbell screams. You kick the last fan letter into a corner, and you rush to open the door.

Brandon gives you a smile.

He's cute, but still just your coworker. You gotta keep him at arms-length. You smile back, knowing you look completely dead inside.

He meets your eyes. His are dark. Like an inked signature. Like a new moon on a cloudy night. It flips a switch in you, a spark of coldness, a wisp of familiarity, and your eye twitches. Déjà vu. He stares at you. Neither of you speak.

Then he blushes. "So, uh, I'm guessing this is where the infamous Sterling lives?"

--

a/n: i know this sucked ass. dont remind me

[coquuin]

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost ,   don’t  reblog  !  good  luck  !

TAGGED. i stole it from Kiki!! TAGGING. whoever wants to do it!!

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Ezekiel Axel Ruiz Rosario

NICKNAME: Zeke

AGE: (Verse dependent) anywhere from 19 to 25! most often tho, i usually make him 25.

BIRTHDAY: November 15 (self given bc he doesnt know his real birthday)

ETHNIC GROUP: Puerto Rican / Latino

NATIONALITY: British-American

LANGUAGE(S): English, Spanish, Dutch, Japanese, Latin, Romanian, some Russian, and some Chinese! he likes to study languages a lot....

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Demi-Pansexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Demi-Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Hes multiship boiiii

CLASS: Upper class, though he really doesnt have very expensive tastes or anything. Seems like he’d be lower class, but. yknow, he is a celebrity so.

HOMETOWN / AREA: London, England

CURRENT HOME: A very small and shitty apartment. Yeah, he could get a much better home bc he does have the money, but... hes weird and likes a more slightly cramped space. dont question Ezekiel, he has weird preferences.

PROFESSION: Guitarist of the rock band Rogue! also used to work at a music shop when he was like 17, but that was back in London.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Very curly and messy black hair! He hardly bothers to take care of it. its prolly greasy bc hes a fucking gremlin pls make him take a shower. stinky boye

EYES: BIG OL FUCKIN EYES. they’re brown! a little sunken, and has massive bags under them--rather than the bags being from lack of sleep, though, theyre actually a result of too much sleep! Ezekiel can and WILL fall asleep wherever and whenever he wants. you cant stop him. his eyes are pretty big actually, and very expressive!

NOSE: the bitch looks like its been broken like ten times. he got a weird ass nose. its a little big, but not terribly so!

FACE: scrawny as FUCK. motherfucker’s head shape looks like a fuckin crescent moon. you know that one tiktok meme with the girl who has the weird ass moon lookin head? bitch looks like that a little bit. croissant lookin ass head.

LIPS: very thin! pls get him some chapstick

COMPLEXION: bitch looks like he hasnt gone out in the sun in over 20 years! which, actually, isnt entirely wrong bc he pretty much hasn’t. pale as fuck! his skin looks gray, like a fucking corpse. he looks like a zombie, but i swear to god hes a plain ass human i think

BLEMISHES: a lot! mostly on his body tho, especially on his back.

SCARS: A  L O T!!! his back is literally covered in a shit ton of scars in the shape of upside down crosses, and he has a lot on the rest of his body as well, and several on his left wrist. yeah he, uh... he aint okay

TATTOOS: None! hes way too terrified to get one and hates the idea of one being stuck on his body for like the rest of his life rip

HEIGHT: 6′ 3″ / 190.05cm

WEIGHT: about like... 98lbs?? which is. fUCKING TERRIBLE FOR HOW TALL HE IS!!! LIKE HOLY SHIT EZEKIEL ARE YOU GOOD??? HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?!?!?! EZEKIEL?!?!?!?! FUCKING EAT SOMETHING PL EASE

BUILD: SCRAWNY AS SHIT. HE IS SO SKINNY HOLY SHIT. OH MY GOD GET THIS BOY A FUCKING BURGER OR SOMETHING BEFORE HE DIES JESUS CHRIST!!!!

ALLERGIES: Dandelions! He’ll just sneeze a lot around them

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: The bangs are kiiiinda kept to the side sorta just so its not falling in his eyes, but other than that, he doesnt really bother to like, style it or anything. its just curly and messy. although! when he was a child all the way to his teens, he did have a stupid ass bowlcut! but that wasnt his own choice, so he cant really be blamed for it :(

USUAL FACE LOOK: motherfucker has the WORST case of resting bitch face you will ever fucking see. even when hes happy he still looks angery sometimes!!! but thats literally just his fucking face!!!!

USUAL CLOTHING: a looot of slightly baggy clothing. lots of hoodies! especially wears a lot of black and red, mostly black. also wears mostly boots or sneakers, usually the ladder. he just doesnt really give two shits about fashion, as he’s more concerned with just sorta.. hiding his body. hes very insecure! save him

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): "the devil”, getting close to anyone, performing in front of people, people in general, cats, knives & other sharp objects, the sight of his own blood

ASPIRATION(S): "to escape the Devil’s wrath,” as he phrases it. of course, the whole ‘THE DEVIL IS OUT TO KILL EVERYONE I LOVE AND THEN HE’LL KILL ME NEXT’ thing is obviously just in Ezekiel’s head, but it feels very real to him! he basically just wants to be free of the “demons” in his head. aside from that, he also really really reeaaally wants to own an orphanage someday! basically take in orphan kids and help give them a much better life than he had. but as for right now, he fully realizes he’s not ready for that at all, so he’s currently more focused on his music career and getting better mentally, though the ladder is a slow process.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Patient, simple, humble

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Rude, temperamental, paranoid

ZODIAC: Scorpio!

TEMPERAMENT: uhhhh fuck idk i just took a quiz for this and ezekiel got like a tie between phlegmatic and melancholic--but if i had to guess, i’d say melancholic!

SOUL TYPE(S): Spiritualist!

ANIMALS: i always associate Ezekiel with dogs bc. he literally just acts like a fuckin angery dog. and an angery snake or something. bUT MOSTLY DOGS. he will literally bark at people, because he’s a fucking weirdo who doesnt know how to behave like a normal fucking human being

VICE  HABIT(S): uhhh drugs and alcohol are a big thing he does!! and generally pushing everyone away so he doesnt get close to anyone! and also acting like a gotdam ANIMAL. SOMEONE PLS MAKE EZEKIEL STOP FUCKING BARKING AND HISSING AT PEOPLE!!!

FAITH: Christian! his religion is very important to him too!

GHOSTS?: Yes!

AFTERLIFE?: Yes!

REINCARNATION?: He isn’t really sure about reincarnation, but wants to believe it exists.

ALIENS?: Yes.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: fuck if he knows. ezekiel could not give less of a shit about politics and hardly knows anything about it bc he really doesnt keep up with anything.

SOCIO POLITICAL POSITION: he doesnt give a fuck

EDUCATION LEVEL: None. he never even went to school, fun fact!

FAMILY.

FATHER: Dead!

MOTHER: Dead!

SIBLINGS: None!

EXTENDED FAMILY: None!

NAME MEANING(S): Ezekiel means “God will strengthen”! I have no idea what Rosario means sadly bc i cant find anything good on it on google :(

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: None that he knows of.

FAVORITES.

BOOK: He couldn’t possibly pick a single favorite book--he loves a lot! but he loves mostly romance genres! which is so fucking ironic considering he’s fucking terrified of getting into relationships. and even more ironically? he doesnt read any horror genres bc it scares him too much!

MOVIE: he doesn’t know.

5 SONGS: While My Guitar Gently Weeps - the Beatles; Brick in the Wall - Pink Floyd; Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin; Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen; Don’t Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult.

DEITY: God, Jesus

HOLIDAY: Christmas! everyone expects Ezekiel to be like the grinch or something and hate Christmas, but nope! He surprisingly loves it!

MONTH: March

SEASON: Fall

PLACE: His bed

WEATHER: Preferably a little cold, but not too much, bc he just cant stand being hot--and completely dark outside!

SOUND: Gentle guitar strums.

SCENT(S): Ivory

TASTE(S): Anything thats like. Meat. hes very picky tho

FEEL(S): Skin. As in, like, being affectionate with someone else! He’s just very touch starved rip

ANIMAL(S): Yknow, oddly enough, despite acting like a fuckin wild animal a lot, he doesnt like animals much. but definitely dogs are his favorite!

NUMBER: 20

COLORS: Red and black--though he likes blue as well, especially dark blue.

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Music--especially with guitar! And painting, writing, literature.

BAD AT: Anything to do with math or science and stuff like that; anything that requires physical work. hes p much bad at like.. most things tbh.

TURN ONS: Just like.. be soft and gentle with him... also probably has a lowkey praise kink--if you could call it much of a kink i guess? hes pretty vanilla tbh. hes just soft.....

TURN OFFS: If you go rough on him at all he WILL cry. Also anything that, like, restricts him like ropes or some shit will literally make him panic so fucking bad. basically hes just vanilla as fuck, just be gentle with him pls

HOBBIES: Writing / playing music, writing in general, painting, watching random ass movies on TV until he falls asleep, sleeping, avoiding his problems like the fuckin wind

TROPES: man fuck if i know

AESTHETIC TAGS: literally all of Aurelio Voltaire’s songs; shit you’d see in Halloween (which is funny bc Ezekiel fucking hates Halloween); vampires; satanic symbolism. which is all ironic, bc Ezekiel doesnt actually like spooky shit! but it all sure does give big Ezekiel vibes anyway

GPOY  QUOTES: huh

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC(S): Jack the ripper from, well, Oyasumi Jack the Ripper!

ALT FC(S): None!

OLDER FC(S): None!

YOUNGER  FC(S): None rip

VOICE CLAIM(S): Murdoc Niccals from Gorillaz

GENDERBENT FC(S): iiiiii dont really do genderbends pretty much so none

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: IF YOU COULD WRITE YOUR CHARACTER YOUR WAY IN THEIR OWN MOVIE, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED, WHAT STYLE WOULD IT BE FILMED IN, AND WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?:

Honestly probably something like the movie Sybil??? like basically just delving deep into his whole psychology and mindset and whatnot and why he acts the way he acts. those are always like my FAVORITE type of movies, and Ezekiel would honestly be fucking perfect for something like that bc literally every single aspect of his entire personality has been molded in some way shape or form by some event in his life, especially to do with the cult he was raised in, and it hONESTLY IS SO INTERESTING TO JUST LIKE.. STUDY WHAT EZEKIELS BRAIN IS LIKE BASICALLY. AT LEAST FOR ME ANYWAY BC I AM HIS MUN AND ALL BUT.

Q2: WHAT WOULD THEIR SOUNDTRACK / SCORE SOUND LIKE?:

for some reason i always kinda associate him with like edgy violin and piano music?? i mean hey rock stars can be classy too fuck u

Q3: WHY DID YOU START WRITING THIS CHARACTER?:

WELL ORIGINALLY WHEN I FIRST CREATED HIM HE WAS JUST BASED OFF MURDOC NICCALS BC, YALL ALREADY KNOW DAMN WELL IM OBSESSED WITH THAT PICKLE MAN, BUT. Now, however, he’s WAAAAAAAAY different and i just love writing him so much bc like. basically like what i said in the movie question!! he is SO fucking interesting to delve into psychology wise. like, yeah he has an edgy ass tragic backstory, but whats neat about that is you can absolutely see how said edgy backstory ties into his mindset and individual habits and how the memories of it still affects his everyday life despite the fact that he’s escaped it a long time ago now. even in the small things he does, chances are is that every single thing that he does is either something he does to soothe and comfort himself for his own safety, or something that has just been fucking drilled into his mind by the cult members and whatnot, if any of that makes sense? LIKE YALL DONT UNDERSTAND I HAVE LITERALLY WATCHED LIKE HOURS LONG DOCUMENTARIES ON ORPHANAGES AND SATANIC CULTS AND PSYCHOLOGY AND HOW TRAUMA LIKE WHAT EZEKIEL EXPERIENCED CAN FUCK SOMEONE UP, JUST FOR THE SAKE OF WRITING HIM CORRECTLY AND REALISTICALLY. LIKE HE STARTED OFF AS SOME MURDOC NICCALS REJECT WHEN I MADE HIM IN LIKE?? 2015 MAYBE??? BUT NOW, MY MAIN INTEREST IN HIM IS LIKE, HOW FASCINATING HIS FUCKING MIND IS IN A WAY. idk im a big psychology nerd but.

Q4: WHAT FIRST ATTRACTED YOU TO THIS CHARACTER?:

Murdoc

Q5: DESCRIBE THE BIGGEST THING YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR MUSE:

him pushing everyone away! like its one thing to have a self-defense mechanism like where you just generally act kinda mean to drive people off, but Ezekiel can really take it to a whole new level and he really can be like.. a hUGE ASSHOLE BC OF IT. its mostly when he realizes that he may be starting to become close with anyone that it really gets to a bad point and he becomes all the more self-destructive. THIS IS GONNA BE VERY UNSANITARY SO WARNING BUT hes literally told someone in an rp once like “YOURE GOING TO FORCE ME TO EAT YOUR SHIT OR DRINK YOUR FUCKING URINE JUST LIKE THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE IN THE ORPHANAGE DID, ARENT YOU???? IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME?? TO USE ME, HURT ME, CUT ME, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT??? WE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE FUCKING FRIENDS YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!!! WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK WE HAD ANYTHING IN COMMON??” AND ITS JUST KINDA.. YIKES SCOOB! but basically hes willing to say just about anything to push people away so he can avoid getting close to anyone

Q6: WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH YOUR MUSE?:

WE BOTH FEAR AND AVOID ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THE FUCKIN WIND. also when i was younger i definitely had a tendency to try and make people hate me just to push people away like Ezekiel does but im not like that anymore thankfully!!

Q7: HOW DOES YOUR MUSE FEEL ABOUT YOU?:

oh hed probably try to fucking kill me lol

Q8: WHAT CHARACTERS DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE INTERESTING INTERACTIONS WITH?

HONESTLY LIKE.. P MUCH EVERY INTERACTION EZEKIEL HAS IS SO GOOD. Ezekiel is one of those characters where its very hard to have a boring rp bc he just does so much shit, so like no matter who i rp him with, its bound to be amazing. ALTHOUGH I DO NEED TO MAKE HIM INTERACT WITH MORE PEOPLE TBH!!! the only problem i have when writing him sometimes is actually making him talk to new people, bc of his extreme shut-in attitude and whatnot, so he literally just never starts conversations with anyone he barely knows.

Q9: WHAT GIVES YOU INSPIRATION TO WRITE YOUR MUSE?:

listening to any music that reminds me of him! but otherwise, it usually just comes pretty naturally to me tbh. just some days ill be in the mood for him all day--same with a lot of my characters actually.

Q10: HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE YOU TO COMPLETE?:

A LONG ASS TIME