silentsneezes

[silentsneezes]

Victor from Ar/can/e Commission

[silentsneezes]

sneezing while hiding but you’re a snzfucker pressed between two people allergic to dust. The one in front of you sneezing so strongly that it’s stirring up more dust, which sets off the person pressed against your back. And you’re really trying not to absolutely rut against the legs pressed up against you, but it’s such a tight space and you can’t help but seek more pressure….

eventually the one in front (who is far too loud) needs to stifle into your chest to muffle the sound. You can’t help it anymore- you’re practically sitting on the thigh of the person behind you and it’s all too easy to lean into it. Now you’re having trouble muffling sounds of your own.

the person behind you doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, both of them figure it out pretty quickly and don’t seem to mind multitasking being quiet and helping you ;)

[silentsneezes]

I love your wolfstar fics! Would you ever consider writing Jegulus??

sorry it took so long anon, but i present to you a j/egulus snzfic! (around 1.6k words)

i have a couple w/olfstar fics that i’ll post soon too. i appreciate any reposts or comments, and i hope someone can enjoy!

au where they live together in their early 20s, trans (ftm) R/egulus

Regulus is nothing short of a chronic stifler. It took months of him dating before James even heard a half-stifled sneeze, let alone an entirely unsuppressed sneeze. Except once Regulus starts taking testosterone, James notices a slight change. Sure, it may seem obsessive for him to notice such an insignificant detail, but he does nonetheless.

It starts with a quick, quiet “ngk-ngck-ngt” stifled against Regulus’s wrist, his slim fingers brushing under his nose briefly to dissuade the itch. Regulus returns to reading as if nothing had happened, turning a page with a quiet ‘thhwp’.

“Bless you,” James murmurs, receiving a polite “thank you,” in response. He smiles, a hand running down Regulus’s side and snaking around his waist. Regulus shifts on the couch, allowing James to pull him closer.

Regulus’s back presses against James’s chest lightly, and he can feel every breath his boyfriend takes. As Regulus reads, he feels the itch bloom in his nose again. Frowning, he tries his best to control his breathing. The itch only worsens, and he swallows a hitching breath, shuddering with three quickly stifled sneezes, “hgxt-hgnt-ngzt!”

“Bless you, bless you, bless you baby,” James says as each sneeze is stifled, pressing a little kiss to the back of Regulus’s neck, “Are you coming down with something?”

Regulus scowls at the question, answering with a simple, curt, “no.”

“Reg, you only sneeze like this when you’re sick,” James tuts, assuming his boyfriend is denying being ill— as he always does.

Regulus has never been the type to admit weakness— a result of being raised in the Noble House of Black. In his mind, sneezing is anything but Noble. So he stifles, and he’s damn good at it, always has been. Except for the past few weeks after he hit four months on testosterone. His sneezes changed, sounding more similar to his stifles when he’s sick— quiet, but with a suppressed squeak: ‘ngxt!’

Regulus pinches the bridge of his nose, stifling another two quick sneezes, “ngxt! ngt. Damnit,” he mutters a curse.

James sighs, sitting up slightly and reaching to grab a tissue from the coffee table. He presses the soft fabric into Regulus’s hand, allowing his fingers to brush across his boyfriend’s.

Regulus accepts the tissue, his lips pursing, as if he’s silently daring James to press the subject. Wisely, James drops it, settling back onto the couch and pulling Regulus closer.

The next occurrence happens a couple weeks later. James has been gone for two weeks, called away to New York for a work conference. A draining, bothersome trip in an overwhelming swarm of entrepreneurs and overly-expensive suits. In short, James couldn’t be happier to return home.

Even before his taxi nears home, James holds his apartment key in hand, waiting eagerly to see his boyfriend. The ride from the airport drags on, worsened by the steady hammering of rain and his dampened clothes.

After what feels like hours, James finally has the satisfaction of fitting his key into the apartment door, twisting his wrist and hearing the quiet click of the lock.

“Reg?” James calls out as he sheds his jacket and backpack, tossing his keys on the counter. He waits a moment before making his way to the bedroom, smiling as he finds Regulus waiting for him. The room is dimly lit by lamps and candlelight, a sweet aroma filling the room.

James grins, slipping out of his damp hoodie and walking over to the bed, “miss me?” he teases. Regulus’s lips quiver into a slight smirk, a hand resting on James’s hip, “maybe.”

James feels his stomach flush with heat as he hears Regulus’s voice, smiling as he notices how it’s deepend even in his two week absence.

“Well,” he murmurs as he tilts Regulus’s chin up with a finger, “I’ve missed you.”

James leans down to kiss Regulus, humming contentedly as he feels the warmth of his boyfriend’s lips against his own. Regulus places a hand on James’s chest, pushing him away lightly, “you’re wet,” he comments, his eyes flicking to the damp spots on James’s shirt.

James grins, “What an astute observation,” he teases, receiving a quiet tsk from Regulus.

Regulus grabs his wand from the bedside table, tapping its tip against James’s shoulder as he performs a drying spell. Instantly, James feels a rush of warmth through his body, letting out a breath of relief.

James murmurs a soft, “thanks love,” as he places a hand on the small of Regulus’s back. Regulus dismisses the thanks with a wave of his hand, leaning into James’s touch as he does so.

The two of them settle in bed, with James sitting against the headboard and Regulus resting between his legs. It’s a comfortable, docile moment after being apart, only interrupted by the flipping of pages and the occasional gust of wind outside.

That is, until the aroma of the candles starts irritating Regulus’s nose. He doesn’t have many allergies– at least not ones he admits to– but he’s always been especially sensitive to scented candles. But James loves them, and he loves James, so it’s an easy sacrifice to make.

“ngxt-ngt-hxt,” Regulus stifles the three sneezes in quick succession, each suppressed sneeze nearly silent. Nearly, not entirely. For years, Regulus has been able to stifle his sneezes into complete silence, barely noticeable save for the shudder of his shoulders or bobbing of his head.

“Bless you Reg,” James murmurs, his eyes lingering on his boyfriend’s face, searching for any signs of illness. He knows Regulus enough to know that his sneezes are only audible when he’s congested or too tired to stifle entirely.

Regulus’s lips purse into a thin line as he notices James’s gaze, saying, “I’m not sick,” bluntly.

“I never said you were,” James replies innocently, raising his hands in false surrender. Regulus doesn’t reply as the itch in his nose blooms again.

He brings a slender finger up his nose, pressing his knuckle against the base of the itchy appendage. James waits, and sure enough, Regulus’s shoulders shudder with four rapid, sharp, quiet stifles “hngxt-gxck-ngck-ngt!”

“Bless,” James murmurs as he rests a hand on Regulus’s hip, rubbing his thumb across the hem of Regulus’s boxers, “Feeling sneezy?”

Regulus gives James a slight glare at the taunt, but replies with a polite “thank you,” to the blessing.

“You’re welcome- oh, another one?” James asks as he notices Regulus tense, his jaw clenched as he tries to swallow the itch.

Regulus ducks against his shoulder, his head bobbing down once, twice, three times as he shudders with the silent sneezes.

“Bless you-“

Regulus shudders against his shoulder again, his body twisting into itself, “ngck-ngxt!”

James rubs Regulus’s side gently, his thumb catching on Regulus’s t-shirt and slipping against his bare skin. Regulus can’t help but lean into the touch, sniffling quietly and trying not to show his frustration at the fit.

“What’s making your sneezes act up?” James asks softly, knowing to tread carefully. He’s learned his lesson around telling Regulus he’s sick. Usually, James waits, subtly persisting that Regulus should rest until his body finally makes him give in. Except Regulus doesn’t seem sick this time, save for the frequent sneezes.

Regulus shrugs in response to the question, his brows furrowing in slight warning. James sighs, offering Regulus a smile as he murmurs, “just curious, I’m not trying to pry.”

“I know,” Regulus answers simply, letting James pull him closer, their waists brushing against one another.

James watches Regulus’s expression carefully, noticing the way his jaw clenches and a scowl tugs at his lips.

“Feeling grumpy?” James teases, smiling as he receives a scowl from his boyfriend, “I’ll take that as a y-“

“ngxt-ngt-nck!” Regulus interrupts James with a quiet series of stifles, turning to the side as his head bobs down.

“Bless you love,” James murmurs, rubbing Regulus’s side gently.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Regulus mumbles frustratedly, pinching his nose between two fingers and rubbing it.

James reaches up, pulling Regulus’s hand away from his nose, “You’re just going to- bless you- make it worse”

Regulus ignores James, bringing his other hand up to pinch his nose shut as he stifles a quick fit into silence.

“Bless you again,” James tuts, a sharper edge to his voice, “C’mon, that’s more than your normal fits, and you’re not stifling as well. Just admit you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick,” Regulus snaps, his frustration over the dwelling itch resulting in a sharp retort.

James frowns, “right, you’re just extra grumpy, sneezy, and-“

“ngxt-ngt-hngXt!”

“-and that. You don’t sneeze like that unless you’re sick Reg,” James insists, softening his voice in an attempt to get his boyfriend to listen.

“I know, but I’m telling you, I’m not sick,” Regulus replies stubbornly. He sighs, his lips curling into a frown as he realizes James isn’t going to drop the topic. “I think it’s because of testosterone,” he offers in quiet explanation.

James smiles in realization, finding it endearing that something as simple as a sneeze can change on HRT, “Soon enough you’ll be sneezing like me,” he jokes.

“God I hope not,” Regulus drawls, but he smiles as James brings a hand up to his face, gently running his thumb over Regulus’s chin.

“You’re starting to grow some facial hair too,” James says with a smile, “we’ll have to get you a razor.”

Regulus feels a rush of affection for his boyfriend, who convinced him to start T in the first place. Every change, every detail— even one as miniscule as a sneeze— is acknowledged, appreciated, and loved. Even though his stifles aren’t entirely silent anymore, it’s not such a terrible thing to be noticed.

i hope they were both in character, i appreciate any feedback!

thanks for reading :)

[silentsneezes]

A leaning against a door frame trying to look sexy for fet!B, but keeps having to snz because they induced for their partner as a surprise.

B is over the moon

[silentsneezes]

someone who’s absolutely OBSESSED with halloween having multiple costumes planned out, an exact schedule for parties and handing out candy, only to wake up with a terrible cold the morning of halloween

they spend their day being coddled by their partner and reassured that next halloween will be perfect, sneezing their way through boxes of tissues with their costumes forgotten on the floor

anyways happy halloween to all the snzfuckers out there! have fun and stay safe <3

[silentsneezes]

thinking about how people’s sneezes can change when they start testosterone (hrt)

- someone who has always had quiet sneezes, and is an expert stifler. as they reach a few months on testosterone, their sneezes become harsher, and they lose the ability to stifle (even better if someone notices and goes “oh bless you! i haven’t heard you sneeze like that before”)

- someone who’s sneezes were already louder/wetter, but becomes a full on dad-sneeze after starting T

- side thought: a snzfucker inducing a day after taking their t shot (iykyk) and ending up hornier than ever

[silentsneezes]

If you're in the mood to reveal: what's something sexy you've done lately that involved your sneezes?

I'm looking forward to just melting when I read the answer. :)

I was contemplating if I wanted to answer this, so sorry for the slow reply. Turns out today I thought fuck it!

I have two things:

I was masturbating recently and needed to sneeze. I sneezed a wet sneeze into my hand and then put that same hand back down my pants. The wetness made it feel so much better😅😳

I was having one of those days where my nose just doesn’t stop itching. I have NO idea why… but it was tickly all day long. At one point laying in bed, I kept feeling the urge to sneeze, building up, hitching and then nothing. After 5 or more itchy false starts I’m starting to feel incredibly turned on… I desperately want to get these sneezes out naturally, but I also just want to induce and sneeze myself into oblivion. I resist the urge to induce and instead just start to touch myself. Now I’m a horny, hitchy, itchy MESS! Rubbing myself, my nose, hitching, false starting …. And basically getting more and more wound up. I do eventually sneeze which feels amazing of course. Fill in the blanks for the rest I guess.

[silentsneezes]

starting a new show and figuring out snzcanons for each of the characters >>

realizing no one on snzblr gives a fuck about the fandom so there’s no content <<

[silentsneezes]

You know what's cute? Whumpees who dissociate during high fevers.

Whumpee has been battling a high fever all day. Caretaker tries to sit them at the dinner table for some soup, to fill their belly so they can take some medicine. Poor fevered whumpee just sits there, listless, with a thousand yard stare and bright red cheeks. Caretaker tries to grab their attention, but it's all for nothing. Whumpee just keeps shivering and staring into the void.

Caretaker caresses their cheek. "You really are not feeling well, are you, sweetheart? Let's get some food into you and tuck you back in bed".

[silentsneezes]

(Overheard from one particularly sniffly person at a crowded, ratty house party)

"Cad you pass be a tissue, please?"

“*hsnrk!* I said, cad you pass be a… *snNRK!* Sorry, a tissue please?”

“*s-snrk!* Hah! Heh! Hh’Thagk-ESSCHIEWW!!!sschieww!! -hiehhHHh!! HRRSSCHH!!!mffh-CHH-!! *hsnnrk!*”

“…God, 'scuse be. *snrk! hsnrgk* Thagk you. Hh’oh god, I deed adoh- hh’I deed adohh… huh-!”

“-HAAAESSCHHIOOO!!!”

“*snnnrgk~* … *snnrk!* g’hh, *snrk! snrk!* Sorry, god…Whew. Thagk you…. *koff, sNRK!* Scuse be, I deed to blow by dose…”

“…’b sorry, that was gross. *hsnngk!* Ha, yeah, I’b still codgested. *snnrk!*”

...

“Oh, thagk you. I’b sorry, I should’ve… ahh… *snnrgkk!* unhh, I should’ve brought byhh… by owd- gG’yY'ESSSCHHIEWW!!!-ESSCHH!!! *hsnnnrgk~* Ohhh…. Sorry. Thagks."

"What? Oh, *sdrff!* I was godda say by owd tissues... Heh."

...

“-haAht’CHIEWW!! *sddrffh!* Excuehh-szZZSCHHh!! haHt’CHIEWW!! Hihh! HAAASSSCHHIOOO!!!”

“Oh, I’b sorry! *hsnngk!* I'b so sorry, it just cabe so fahh- *sdrf!* so fast, *sddrff!* Oh by gooddess…”

“….*hsnnrgk*…. Doe, I’b fide. I just *snrk!* deed to sit dowd… A’d, pardod be, blow by dose agaid…”

...

“YY’IESSCHHHIEWW!!! …. hh’Thagk youhh…”

...

“gg’yYIESSCHHIEWWw!!! *hsnnrgk!* *ah'hemm...'hem.* ...Thagks.”

...

“haeuhh… *hsdrff* g’hhh… hieH-! hyYIEEH!!’-ohh… Fuck, haha… Sorry. *snNrk*"

…

"hieeyy'YYAAASSSCHHIOOO-!!!”

...

“…Ahaha, *koff, snnrk!* Thagk you. Thagk you. *hsnnrk!* Thagk you, Jesus. Yeah. *sdrff!* hh'Yeah, I'b sure."

“Doe thagks, I’ve… *ksddrffgh* ... Oh, ew. *hsdrff!* Sorry. *snrgk!* Doe, I’ve taked sobethig. Believe it or dot.”

“*sdrf! hsdrffh!* g’huhh, I thigk the box is ebpty already… *snnrk!* Doe, Ihh’ve… hh’I’ve… Unhh, *snnrgk!* hih-! Fuck, sorry, hh’I’b- hieh-! hh’b god- I'b godda...."

"hHIHHHH'—“

[silentsneezes]

Someone who's normally very thorough about covering their sneezes being too exhausted and/or feverish to even turn away from their partner during a fit

When it's over, all they can do is groan and mutter a weak apology, expecting to be met with disgust but seeing only concern on their lover's face.

"You're really not feeling well, aren't you?"

[silentsneezes]

thinking about the embarrassment that comes with denying the first offering of a tissue and then ten minutes later, accepting the second offering...

[silentsneezes]

has anyone seen the show k/aos? i feel like it’s not a well known but i might write a fic abt it anyways (or at least a headcanons post)

(also to those who have sent me asks- i appreciate them i’m working on then slowly but surely! university is currently my top priority atm)

[silentsneezes]

i just had the most snzfic moment and i was going crazy oh my god

for context, i’ve had a little cold for the past couple days (not covid), and i was doing dishes w my crush in my apartment. and god did i need to sneeze, but both my hands were wet and soapy and i couldn’t do a thing to rub my nose

i tried rubbing my nose on my shoulder and it left a little wet spot on my t shirt (i dont think he saw it) but my brain was whirring so fast

i’ve already sneezed around him 5 times today and he’s blessed me every time (twice while we were cuddling)

also im usually pretty good at stifling my sneezes entirely, but they’ve been louder today and it’s so embarassing (literally no one else gaf)

[silentsneezes]

HC that Remus is allergic to peppermint (smelling it makes him sneeze all day and eating it gives him hives) and super embarrassed about it bc he doesn't want to be seen as “weak” but Sirius didn't know and made their shared flat smell like peppermint for the Christmas holiday

thank you for the prompt anon! i’ll (hopefully) write another fic eventually that’s more specific to your request, but for now i hope you enjoy 2.1k of a very sneezy R/emus L/upin at the P/otter’s Christmas party

The Potter’s have always been known to throw extraordinary parties. Between James’s charisma as a host and Lily’s beautifully charmed decorations, every ‘Potter Party’- as Sirius calls them- is extravagant. Their Christmas party this year is no different, despite the ongoing wizarding war.

Their house is filled with enchanted garlands that drift through the air, shifting colors through a spectrum of festive hues. A few paintings have been charmed to sing carols when people pass by, whereas others wish people ‘A Very Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year.’ There are candles suspended mid-air, casting a warm, flickering glow in every room. The candle’s soft, elegant glow is accompanied with the scent of peppermint. A sweet, sharp aroma with a hint of menthol.

The guests- who are mostly members of the Order- have forgotten about the chaos existing outside of the Potter’s household. Tonight is a night for celebration, nothing else. They’ve all lost so much to the war, and refused to lose Christmas to it too.

Which is why Remus Lupin is walking hand in hand with his boyfriend Sirius, approaching the Potter’s home with an expensive bottle of wine. He’d thought about bringing a different gift, but he and Sirius had both been too busy with missions to get something in time. So he supposes a bottle of Chardonnay will suffice.

Remus lets Sirius knock, watching his boyfriend’s excitement with a little grin. He isn’t necessarily looking forward to spending the night at a party only a few days after the full moon, but he rarely gets to see his friends anymore. Besides, seeing Sirius so happy is reason enough.

As soon as James opens the door, Sirius pulls him into a hug, smiling ear to ear, “Prongs! It’s been too long.”

Remus can’t help but grin, especially when James drunkenly exclaims, “Pads! Moony! My old friends, oh I’m so glad you could make it,” keeping an arm slung around Sirius’s neck.

“Well, I guess you won’t be needing this,” Remus jokes, holding up the bottle of white. James guffaws at the joke, proving Remus’s point as he hiccups after laughing.

Remus steps into the bustling home, smiling as he looks around. It’s relieving, seeing all his friends celebrating and happy; he’d become accustomed to only seeing people at meetings for the Order of the Phoenix, and those were downright depressing.

Tonight, however, is quite the opposite. James pulls Sirius away to get a drink, leaving Remus by the entryway. Remus walks to the kitchen, setting the bottle of wine on the countertop and admiring the decorations.

As a candle floats by, Remus is greeted with an overwhelming scent of peppermint, mingling with the warmth of the festive atmosphere. His eyes immediately start to water, and he can’t help but cough lightly, a telltale tickle forming in his throat.

“Remus! It’s good to see you,” Lily exclaims as she makes her way through the crowded room, “How’ve you been?”

Remus smiles, his discomfort temporarily forgotten as he sees Lily. He accepts her hug, replying, “I’ve been well, all things considered. How are you?”

“I’ve been good, honestly,” Lily says with a smile, a hand placed habitually on her stomach, “We’ve almost finished the nursery, and…”

Remus tries his best to listen as Lily keeps talking, but his body has other ideas. He ducks against his shoulder slightly as he stifles two quick sneezes, “ngt! ngk!”

“Oh, bless you!” Lily says before continuing on, “It really is lovely seeing everyone again.”

Unfortunately, the stifles did nothing to relieve the itch in his nose- an irritating, persistent buzzing. Still, Remus tries to reply, “It is, it’s not often we- hh.. hHngk! ngxt! Excuse me. It’s not often we get together anymore.”

“Bless you Remus,” Lily says with a hint of concern. Sure, Remus sneezing isn’t uncommon, but Lily’s well aware of the full moon cycle and how frequently he falls ill after his transformations, “You’re not sick, are you?”

Remus offers Lily a wry smile, “No, not sick. Just a little sensitive after the full moon, I suppose.”

Lily nods, seemingly buying Remus’s quick dismissal. “So, what’ve-,” she starts, but then Marlene McKinnon spots Lily and shrieks happily.

“Lils!” Marlene exclaims, and a moment later Lily is frisked away into an embrace.

Remus doesn’t mind. In fact, he’s rather grateful for the opportunity to slip away into an unoccupied hallway. His nose has already started twitching again, and he can feel the sharp scent of the peppermint coating his throat.

Remus pinches his nose between his thumb and forefinger, his head bobbing towards his chest as he stifles a series of sneezes in quick succession, “hhnGxt! hd’gsh! ngxk!”

He waits a moment, releasing his nose and taking an experimental breath. Wrong choice.

“hgXxt! hngt! nkXT! hh…. hhGDsxh!”

Remus lets out a little sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose before searching through his pockets for a handkerchief. He almost always carries one, especially leading up to or following the full moon, when his nose is particularly sensitive.

“Hey love. You hiding out over here?” Sirius teases with a smirk, “Or is this just an especially interesting hallway?”

Remus turns around to see Sirius leaning against the wall, a drink in hand. He looks undeniably beautiful, his hair pulled back in a bun and his shirt partially unbuttoned.

Remus rolls his eyes, “Why, are you trying to escape the spotlight Pads?”

Sirius grins, about to quip back when Remus cups a hand over his nose, his shoulders shuddering as he stifles another little fit of sneezes, “hhNGxt! hnxt! hhN’gxt!”

“Bless you, bless you, bless you baby,” Sirius says in a slightly sing-song tone.

“Thanks,” Remus mumbles, but he’s more preoccupied with holding back. His nose is twitching, and he turns away from Sirius slightly as his breath hitches.

Sirius’s smile fades a little, replaced with concern, “You alright Moons?”

“Yeah just- hngt! j-heh-hgt! hxkch! Snf, just a little itch,” he dismisses. Admittedly, it’s much more than that. There’s a constant tickle in his nose and throat, his eyes are itchy and watery, and he can’t keep his nose from twitching.

Sirius raises an eyebrow at his boyfriend, his expression making it evident that he doesn’t believe Remus’s dismissal, “C’mon love, what’s up?”

Sirius moves closer, resting a gentle hand on Remus’s back, “You feeling okay?” He murmurs.

Remus bites his tongue for a moment, debating between admitting his allergy and potentially ruining Sirius’s Christmas, or powering through. Unfortunately for him, his nose chooses something else entirely.

“tschHh!-kKTSch! hh-hNgxt! hhN’Kgtsch!”

“Bless you,” Sirius murmurs as he rubs Remus’s back, “Something setting you off?” He asks, knowing Remus well enough to recognize an allergic reaction.

Remus just nods, knowing he won’t be able to deny it. He keeps a finger curled under his nose, hoping to dissuade the itch.

“How bad is it?” Sirius asks, his worry evident.

“I’m okay, just… c’mon, not agaihhhnGXt! nnG’DSch!”

“Bless you, bless you,” Sirius blesses each stifle as he wraps an arm around Remus’s waist, guiding him towards the backyard to get some fresh air.

Unfortunately for Remus, they pass by not one but two of the floating candles on their way out, and the finger curled under his nose becomes useless in preventing another fit.

“hh- hDtsch! hn’Gxt! hhHGDsch!”

Remus stifles against his finger, letting out a little cough after the triple. On top of the persistent itch in his nose and throat, his eyes are starting to become increasingly irritated and watery. He resists the urge to rub them, knowing it’ll only worsen his discomfort.

“Bless you love,” Sirius says as he opens the back door, keeping his other hand on the small of Remus’s back.

Remus feels a little relief as he steps into the brisk air, a flurry of snowflakes drifting downwards, but he knows the damage has already been done. He’s had a few encounters with peppermint in the past, and he has no doubt he’ll be sneezing all night.

“Better?” Sirius hums, wrapping an arm around Remus’s waist. The werewolf nods, pressing his handkerchief to the base of his nose and sniffling.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s setting you off?” Sirius asks, smirking at his boyfriend, “or are we going to have to play Guess That Allergen.”

Remus rolls his eyes, but he can’t help but grin a little, “You’re an ass.”

“Now now, Moony, we were talking about your sneezy predicament, not my ass,” Sirius teases, “So, what’s-”

“n’Gck! hngXt! hhHDTsch!”

“Bless you, bless you, bless you. What’s setting you off?” Sirius asks, not minding the interruption.

Remus hesitates before letting out a little sigh, realizing there’s no use in trying to dismiss the reaction or imagine an excuse, “The peppermint,” he answers simply. His nose twitches, as if his body is even sensitive to him saying the word, “hhHGXt! hNG’tsch!”

“Bless,” Sirius says with a little frown, suddenly remembering Remus’s last run in with the scent of peppermint at a potions store- it’s safe to say Remus doesn’t go to that store anymore, “Baby why didn’t you say something when we got here? You must’ve realized right away you were allergic.”

Remus lets out a defeated sigh, shrugging and answering, “It’s Christmas, and you’ve been looking forwards to seeing everyone for ages. I figured I… hh… could dhhdeal with-hhGNSxch! hhHtschew! ktsChh! with a little allergic reaction.” Remus lets the last two sneezes out unstifled now that he’s only in Sirius’s company, catching them in the folds of his handkerchief.

“Bless you love,” Sirius murmurs, gently rubbing circles on his boyfriend’s back, “You do realize this is more than a little allergic reaction, right? You look downright miserable.”

Remus doesn’t have the energy to argue with that, and he’d only be lying. The effects of being in the peppermint filled house have already set in, despite him only being inside for eight minutes.

“Let me guess: itchy eyes, itchy throat, and incessant sneezing?” Sirius asks, grinning at the way Remus’s eyes narrow in annoyance, “I’ll take that as a yes. Any rashes?”

Remus shakes his head, holding the handkerchief over his nose again as he feels the itch return with a vengeance, “Not y- hhKTsch! hhtxchew-tscCHh-kkDSch!” The last triple comes too rapidly for him to draw a breath between each of the sneezes, leaving him slightly breathless, “Not yet,” he finishes lamely.

“Bless you,” Sirius says as he presses a kiss to Remus’s cheek, “Why don’t you wait here, I’ll let Lily know we’re heading home,” he suggests gently.

Remus frowns, looking at his boyfriend with a guilty expression, “You don’t have to, I’ll just stay out here for a while. Go enjoy yourself.” He insists, gesturing to the festivities inside.

Sirius grins, rolling his eyes playfully, “Remus Lupin, if you think I’m going to leave you sneezing outside in the cold on Christmas, then you’re poorly mistaken.”

When Remus’s guilty expression doesn’t change, Sirius softens a little, “C’mon, we’ll pick up some food on the way home and we can watch a movie. I’ll even let you pick which one.”

“Sirius-” Remus starts to protest, but Sirius is already opening the door to go back inside, “Don’t move. I’ll be back in a few minutes and then we can head home.”

As guilty as Remus feels, it’s hard to ignore the flush of affection he feels towards his boyfriend. He knows Sirius has been looking forward to this party for ages, but here he is, ready to leave in an instant all because of Remus’s discomfort. Sure, it’s not an ideal situation, but to be loved so unconditionally is something Remus can’t help but cherish.

Before Remus can even reply, Sirius slips back into the bustling house, on a mission to find the hostess. The door remains open for a moment, and Remus is hit with a waft of the intense, biting scent of peppermint. To anyone else, it might be perfectly sweet, but to Remus, it means a night of incessant fits.

“hhTSxchew!-ktsxch! tsxg’t! Ktsch-etschiew!”

Remus’s shoulders shudder as he lets out a series of rapid sneezes into the handkerchief, grateful he’d remembered to bring one with him. Each sneeze is itchy and desperate, tumbling out after one another with no hesitation.

Remus spends the next few minutes caught in a cycle of hitching breaths and little fits, his nose becoming increasingly pinker as he waits for them to subside- though he knows they won’t, not yet, at least.

Luckily for him, Sirius returns before long, leading Remus around to the front of the house and apparating the two of them home.

They spend the rest of the evening curled on the old sofa in their living room, watching Christmas classics and sharing a bottle of wine- Sirius insists that it wasn’t really Christmas if he doesn’t at least get tipsy. Remus keeps a handkerchief in hand the entire time, sneezing every few minutes in quick, rapid fits until they finally start to die down. Sirius, of course, blesses him each time.

All in all, it’s not a terrible Christmas for the couple. After all, they have each other.

The End

i hope someone enjoys this, sorry for the rushed ending and any grammatical/spelling errors!

[silentsneezes]

there’s something so validating about seeing other trans and/or autistic people on snzblr because i feel like we’re so often excluded kink/sexual spaces

shoutout to all my other neurodivergent and queer sneezefuckers, ily and you’re hot as fuck 🫶

[silentsneezes]

ummm hear me out, someone lifting an arm to direct a sneeze into their elbow, causing their t-shirt to ride up enough that you can catch a glimpse of the happy trail leading down to their abdomen just above the waistband of their jeans