#why say lesbian spectrum when you could just...

[foundfamilynonsense]

Sometimes I just want to sit down and say, like… Gay men, lesbian women, and straight people. You could wake up tomorrow and discover you’re actually bi.

Tomorrow you could meet someone of the sex you do not think you are attracted to and go “oh fuck”. There is no rule— nothing—that says that could not happen to you at any moment.

“I’ve lived forty years without—” so?

“I can just tell I’m—” how?

Now, we can get into the conversation of how these labels aren’t actually law, and that you can be a lesbian even if there was that one guy and you can be a straight guy if there were those two guys in college and etc.

And that’s totally true and valid and we should normalize that. But that’s another post.

My point for this post is that, yes, you are one strange meeting away from being bisexual. It will probably never happen. But you can never say with 100% certainty that it won’t happen.

But that doesn’t mean every gay, lesbian, and straight person should start calling themselves bisexual just in case. That would be a completely absurd thing to expect.

Can you imagine if we go around to gay men and were like “but how do you know you’ll never be attracted to a woman?” Imagine if we did it to straight people? The idea you have to call yourself Bi just in case?

This is easy to understand. So why is it so hard for people to understand when it comes to asexual and aromantic people?

Like… I suppose I could wake up tomorrow and catch some feels for someone. I… doubt it. But it could happen.

But I’ve been alive 22 years and it hasn’t happened yet. So why should I expect it? Why should I spend time thinking about it? Why should I label myself based on that slim possibility?

The number of straight people who have said to me “well you never know” or “maybe you just haven’t met the right person” or whatever. Can you all IMAGINE what they would say to me if I threw it back?

“Oh, sally, you don’t like any women yet but you never know. Maybe you just haven’t met the right woman.” Their heads would explode I think.

I am an adult. I have been through college and it’s social life. My brain is (basically) done developing and I finished puberty quite a while ago. How late do you have to be before people concede that you’re not a “late bloomer” you’re just not gonna bloom at all?

Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and be attracted to someone. I still would consider myself on the aroace spectrum. But to be honest I think I know myself enough to trust it’s not going to happen. And I don’t think I should have to plan for it or expect it.

[oh-stars]

Elevator Time

@stobinmonth Day 8: Stuck | G | 782 | No Warnings Thank you @lady-lostmind for betaing!

--

Click. Flip. Snap. 

Click. Flip. Snap. 

Click. Flip. Snap. 

Click. Flip. Sn–

“If you open and close that lighter one more time,” Robin warns, voice eerily calm, “I will shove it down your throat, Harrington.” 

Steve drops the lighter into his lap. Whoops. “Sorry.”

Robin waves him off, head buried in her hands as her hair cascades around her. “You’re fine,” she huffs. “I get it.” 

He knows she does, after all their time together and the fact they seem to have a pattern of getting stuck places, she’s learned a few things. Mostly that Steve does not do well with too much time on his hands and nothing to do. Especially when they’re trapped, stuck in this bogus elevator with only a stack of mail and their cart to entertain them. 

Which would be great if Robin would let him open the letters. But no that’s a felony, Steve! 

“Do you think someone’s called the fire department yet?” Steve asks, slumping further down the metal wall. 

“Probably,” Robin mumbles. She lifts her head up and glares at him again, but this time she’s doing that weird little evil smirk she does when she’s about to be mean to him. “Are you going to embarrass us again?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “I did not embarrass you last time.” 

“You were practically drooling over that guy–” 

“His biceps were the size of my head!” 

“You made a fool of yourself–

“Oh, because you’re so much better.” 

Robin giggles. “Firefighters don’t intimidate me.” 

Steve crosses his arms. “You’re only saying that ‘cause you’re a lesbian.” 

“And maybe I know how to handle myself around attractive people better than you,” she says, mimicking his pose. 

A beat. Another. 

The snort they both let out is the most hideous sound imaginable. They’re laughter echoes off the walls as they fall to the gross, sticky floor. It’s not nearly as gross as the Russian elevator from years before, but at this point, they don’t care.

Somehow, they end up shoulder to shoulder, their feet propped up on opposite walls as their faces are way too close for most friends. It’s a good thing they’re not most people. Steve’s pretty sure he could count Robin’s boogers right now; they're so close. 

God, he loves her. 

“Seriously,” Robin says when the giggles fade, “you can’t make an ass out of yourself.” 

“I’ll be on my best behavior.” 

“And keep it in your pants.” 

“No promises there.” Steve smirks. “What if there’s a hot, gay firefighter out there and he thinks my ass looks hot?” 

Robin rolls her eyes. “You think everyone thinks your ass looks hot.” 

“Because they should. It’s a good ass. And ass appreciation can go beyond sexuality. You taught me that.” 

“I never should have taught you about sexuality spectrums,” Robin groans, but her eyes betray her, filled with that sparkle of joy that Steve thinks is just for him. Their soulmates afterall, made from the same stardust and all that sappy shit. That’s why ten years after Scoops they’re still working the same dead end jobs together. 

Steve sticks out his tongue. 

Robin does the same. 

More delirious laughter fills the space. 

Time is meaningless in the metal box, and from Steve’s experience it never gets easier to track it. He stops trying to, even if he’s actively wearing a working watch. It’ll just make things worse. Instead, he lets whatever thought he has out, unfiltered and as clumsy as he wants. 

Robin does the same. Conversations bleed into one another, from the philosophical to urgent bodily functions (Do not pee in this elevator, Steven. I swear on Dustin’s life I will shave your head if you pee in this elevator). 

They’re still on the floor, clothes rumpled and the cart pushed to the side, when the doors creak open. 

“Everything okay in there?” a gruff, masculine voice asks. 

Steve lifts himself up onto his elbows as the older man peers into the elevator. Ugh, too old for him. “Yup.” 

“Good,” another voice pops up as a stunning woman pops her head in. Steve’s brain pops off with fireworks as he sees the little nautical star tattooed on her wrist as she leans against the open door. Oh this is perfect. “We should have you out in about twenty minutes, okay? Hang tight!” 

Robin’s eyes go wide as her face goes deeply red. 

Steve salutes them lazily as he lays back down. He scoots closer to Robin and whispers, “Careful, you don’t want the hot lesbian firefighter to catch you drooling.” 

She splutters, rushing to wipe her clean face off as Steve laughs, rolling away from her. 

This is fantastic. How the tables have turned. 

[genderqueerdykes]

Why do people say stuff like 'bi lesbian' when they can just say like, for example, 'lesbian romantically and bisexual'? I just think it's confusing and pointless when less confusing explanations exist

No hate I'm just stupid and think a lot of things could be explained better then they are

good question, there's a reason people don't say that: it's because that's not how they identify, that's not what they said. they said they're a bisexual lesbian. that's how they identify. if they identified the way you worded it, they would say that. i'm a bisexual lesbian so keep this in mind while talking to me, because this is literally my identity. what you said there is NOT how i identify at ALL. my bisexuality encompasses gayness and lesbianism, as well as transhet relationships.

you can be bisexual and a lesbian at the same time. bisexual means having 2 or more modes of attraction. lesbian attraction is and can be a part of bisexuality. bisexual identities do not exist completely independent of gay and lesbian ones- gay and lesbian experiences are part of the bisexual experience.

i'm curious as to what people think bisexuality even is ? it just means 2 or more modes of attraction, and of course that can include lesbianism, why wouldn't it? it doesn't just mean attracted to straight men and women, it can also cover gay experiences. i mean think about it, is a gay person who identifies as bisexual hurting you or anyone else? is a lesbian who identifies as bisexual hurting you or anyone else?

some people use that descriptor for them, but that's not what bisexual lesbian means. that is not "explained better," - that is an inaccurate portrayal of many people's identities. how you feel about a bisexual lesbian or gay doesn't change how they feel. it doesn't matter if it sounds poorly explained to you- it isn't. you don't know how bisexual gays and lesbians feel on the inside, why is it up to you to define their identity for them?

ask yourself why you think someone else is doing a poor job of explaining their own identity. it's NOT up to you or anyone else to "correct" someone else on how they identify. a bisexual lesbian is a bisexual lesbian. please refer to this comic strip penned in 1999 by Alison Bechdel about bisexual lesbianism and how the two experiences do not have to be separate, but rather part of the same spectrum:

it is not your place to decide what someone else's identity means, that is their choice to make. you are only the arbiter of your own lived experience, not anyone elses. i hope that helps, take care

[sxpphotales]

thinking abt valeria x male reader as a genderfluid person myself and frankly i can see it. like ik lesbian valeria is like one of the most obvious things but lowk why not a bisexual valeria. plus we gotta celebrate some of the masc identifying folks here.

also sfw bc i like sfw and we can have pretty fem character rep WITHOUT nsfw always being involved eh?

imagine valeria garza who may be perhaps a few inches shorter than her bf (aka you) but still remains more empowering bc well she’s valeria. do we expect otherwise? frankly atp you would have to be a malewife or some sort of a trophy husband. she’ll be coming home with a dead look and you are in an apron, holding up takeout that he said that you could heat up but ended up failing cause you kept struggling with the air fryer (you didn’t plug it in)

valeria who mouths death threats and does the neck slit in half motion (in a half joking manner) before leaving the house to you to say that if you dare to go out with another woman or even look at another woman, she’ll skin you alive. she prolly will; she just needs a reason to do so.

valeria who knows that you aren’t a completely innocent baby to cherish but knows that a civilian man and a cartel leader are two very different parts of the social spectrum. while you are out here singing pharrell william songs (or whatever musical artist you’d enjoy) while vacuuming the ground, valeria alr shot a guy cause he talked too much.

valeria who genuinely scrunches up her expression and verbally deadpans “ew” to any other man than you. she is not comfortable with men. she’s attracted to you, but anyone else? yeah no they’re some kinda side character that she does NOT need to care about.

valeria who isn’t interested in you because you’re attractive physically but the way that your smile just cracks easily. even if you’re introverted and cold naturally, you just smile around her for even a sliver second and she’s nodding to herself. “i bagged this one.” she’s internally smirking. okay maybe it is a bit about looks because she would think “yeah. i bagged this fine shyt for free too.”

valeria who is reading papers with a coffee mug in her hand and listening to you who is just dancing and singing in the living room. bonus if you’re doing just dance and valeria is just watching this entertainment. much more better than a reality tv show.

valeria who watches all the action movies with you and just stares because 1) most of these are so unrealistic and 2) she did better stuff. she doesn’t understand why it’s always the men who are doing the cool stuff and the women who are being tied up and squealing for help. she saw you once scream over a fly the size of your pinky crawl into the kitchen. when you fall asleep on her shoulder, she just thinks to herself about the exact same action scenarios happening but instead it’s her just kidnapping you away from the enemy. maybe she’s not even the action movie mc in that scenario; she just wants to be proud as you’re gasping and saying “my queen”

valeria who got too much pride to contain and subconsciously has a thing to wait for praises or compliments. right before heading out the door, she just stands there, waiting for something. it’s intimidating and you shiver, wondering if you did smtg wrong. oh wait you forgot to tell her that she’s the best and that you love her. see? really stupid minor stuff like these and she absolutely gobbles them up with a deadpanned expression.

valeria who probably gets forced into playfighting bc you think it’s cool to battle a cartel leader, but then you get bodyslammed to the ground at an unbelievable speed. she’s on top of you, but it’s not romantic at all because you’re wheezing for your breath and coughing on your own spit while she’s laughing at you. next time, get some armor before you request playfighting. or better yet. don’t.

valeria who makes sure you don’t need to worry about safety or money. she straight up tells you to stfu whenever you’re online shopping and you get frantic about the prices. she’s sick of watching you be so anxious about money. unless you’re getting a helicopter, lay off my guy. valeria’s so honest and unserious about the fact that she can die too. she just drops a “what’re ya gonna do if i die” and slowly sips her coffee while you stare at her horrified. she genuinely both expects and doesn’t expect herself to die. she knows her job is dangerous and extremely risky; she’s a smart woman. but at the same time she’s like “bro i’m valeria tf.” do expect her to use the “i might die in my job one day” card on you as a joke multiple times with a straight face and a dry chuckle at the end. she thinks it’s hilarious.

valeria who flirts but in like a way that you wonder if she’s flirting or just saying her intrusive thoughts. she literally whistles at you to get your attention and just laughs when you narrow your gaze at her. she uses more insulting nicknames than cute ones, but she does use a mix of both. “menso (idiot), bobo (dummy), bonito (pretty), bombón (technically a chocolate treat but can be used to describe beautiful ppl).” she never explains the meanings so you have to search them up. bonus if you call her nicknames in your own native language and she’s just staring at you with the thought did he js insult me or call me hot.

valeria who honestly have dated men and women before and have reportedly enjoyed being with women more before, but when with you, she forgets it all. she sometimes whistles at other women she thinks are fine and says it out loud, but it’s more as a joke and sarcasm than anything. you’re still the number one in her heart for the most part.

[littlepopatochisp]

Woe, SDR anthem character headcanons be upon ye

We’re gonna start with my husband 🥰

• first of all, bro is gay as hell. Not a single woman loving gene in that twink’s body.

• I’ve also gotta hit him with the trans beam, I can’t not at this point lmao.

• he and rett are legally married, they’re just discreet about it. They don’t wear their rings in public because they worry about it being weaponized in battle, emotionally, Y’know?

• I also think Pyke might be somewhere on the ace spectrum, but he’s not repulsed or opposed to sex.

• pyke is literally the most oblivious motherfucker out there when it comes to being hit on. Unless rett’s doing it or you’re super obvious about it, he won’t pick up on it.

• I’ve said this in a different post, but he wears makeup. He doesn’t really go overboard with it on a daily basis, just a bit of eyeliner and some subtle eye shadow, but he’s not opposed to dolling himself up when the opportunity arises.

• I think this one is more heavily implied than headcanoned, but he’s definitely got some sort of trauma from being in prison.

• he is one of the most protective people you will ever meet. As much as he pokes fun at ziggy, he will punch anyone who so much as looks at him the wrong way (I think this one is also just heavily implied lmao)

Next up, rett

• once again, I’m hitting him with the gay and trans headcanons. Gotta get some T4T action on this ship (/hj)

• he and Pyke did that thing where they both tried to propose at the same time when the big moment ™️ happened and it was very cute (fuck I just gave myself another fic idea-)

• he’s got ptsd from his time in the military (idrk how anyone could go fight in a war and not walk out of it with ptsd but then again I’m not a psychologist) but he tries his best to try and not show when he’s struggling. Pyke has had to talk with him about not hiding shit like that multiple times.

• he’s never really been one to talk about his feelings, even before the war. Hank has somewhat helped with this, being alone with him on a ship for gods-know how long will do that, but he still struggles to vent to other people (Pyke is the exception)

• he’s always had a knack for mechanics and engineering, even as a kid.

• if he isn’t immediately distracted with something, he needs to be doing something with his hands, whether he’s fidgeting with his fingers or tinkering with a project or something like that.

• this is one that is just basically canon at this point but oh my god he’s so dad-coded. I swear, I bet he sneezes like a dad too.

• he’s got tattoos on his top scars, I just haven’t decided what they would be (I’m leaning towards phoenix wings but idk yet)

Ziggy time! The silly guy!

• I’m hitting him with a quadruple A battery (aroace and AuDHD).

• I also think he’s got a bit of self-esteem issues, but definitely nowhere near as bad as someone like jericho’s are.

• he’s a very repulsed aroace, which is another reason why rett and pyke keep their relationship on the down low (not that they were very openly romantic in the first place lol).

• he collects bottle caps, like most fallout fans do.

• he’s very used to rich person coffee brands, so his first cup of shitty coffee on the rhapsody was…a shock to say the least.

• this might be my anti-government side showing, but I dont think that ziggy’s parents paid a whole lot of attention to him. To me they were both neglectful and kind of overbearing, hiring Nannies and other people like that to keep an eye on him at all times as a kid.

• his goggles function as prescription glasses, as well as helping him see into the hypergrid. Yes, he does do the anime “pushing up his goggles dramatically” thing despite not watching anime

• he hates crying in public. In his mind he’s too old to be getting upset like that, and it’s embarrassing for him.

MY WIFE MY WIFE MY WIFE!! (Ko time)

• butch lesbian alert. She is the lesbianist lesbian to ever lesbian.

• Y’know how everyone draws Pyke with star earrings despite him not having earrings? I think we should start doing that with Ko except with spiked bracelets.

• she also wears makeup. Although most of the time when she’s wearing makeup it’s for a concert she’s going to.

• she and Pyke have occasional sparring matches/fighting lessons for ziggy (rett also likes to watch, totally not because his husband is a fucking badass what who said that)

• I fully believe that her sister is dead. I think she died due to a drug overdose, from drugs specifically bought from big thunder. Ko doesn’t like talking about it, for obvious reasons.

• Ko decided that ziggy is her new little brother, and she will literally kill anyone who messes with him (this comes with regular sibling teasing).

• she’ll occasionally dye her hair, mostly because of how easy it is since her hair is white as snow. She doesn’t do anything drastically different, maybe just a line of color or something like that.

• kinda like how pyke has a specific morning routine, she also has one. Except where Pyke meditates, Ko works out with weights and barbells and shit like that

[velvetvexations]

"Trans women are women" used to be seen as this radical stance, a stance against the exceedingly popular standrd cis belief of "trans women are men" Now we're expected to believe that whole push was a lie? That "trans women are spicy women" is a belief that transmisogynists have? Transmisogynists?? The ones adamant about misgendering trans women as men? That's been their whole thing in fact...? They believe trans women are women and hate THAT?

They're just lying because it's fun to be mean to women. Such is the true beliefs of TRFs.

I wish I could submit a Patrick's wallet meme to you on anon because I swear every trf argument I see about how trans people are TOTALLY seen as our actual genders by cishet society really does feel like: "Terfs keeps creaming about how much they despise men and manly features, going so far as calling features usually belonging to people AMAB disgusting in great detail be they on women or men, correct?" "Yep." "And they talk in depth about how testosterone is poison and will turn you into a monster, correct?" "Uh-huh." "They speak regularly of how even male infants are evil, and cisgender lesbian separatism is the only way for women to be safe, you've noticed?" "They sure do." "And it's not just terfs either - plenty of transphobic talking heads otherwise all over the political spectrum conceptualize trans people as people 'pretending' to be the 'opposite' gender, as I'm sure you've seen?" "Yeah, I'm real sick of it." "So you understand, then, that much of the idea that trans women are an immediate physical threat to 'real' women and to straight men - the driver of arguably the majority of transmisogynistic violence - is based in misgendering?" "STOP CALLING TRANS WOMEN MEN AND STOP TRYING TO PRETEND MEN ARE OPPRESSED!!!1!!1!1 THEY'RE LYING ABOUT THEIR BELIEFS OR ELSE THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TREATED ME LIKE A FAGGOT BEFORE I CAME OUT, WHICH IS A FATE THAT HAS NEVER BEFALLEN A SINGLE MAN EVER!!!11!11!" ...come to think of it, do you think that last line is part of why so damned many of them are so determined to "crack the egg" of every GNC man or nonbinary person AMAB that they see? To prove that this kind of hatred is ONLY aimed at trans women and that proves their ~essential soul gender~ is real? Because honestly, fucking weak and pathetic.

kinna but that's mostly because they are just genuinely toxic whenever they see a man who could be a woman instead e.g. every crossdressing subculture

it's incredible that 'transphobes don't see trans women as women and they don't see trans men as men' is a controversial take now. what in the fuck is going on

unhealthy validation addiction

fellas, is it transphobic to acknowledge that transphobes are transphobic?

literally

The thing that bothers me the most about trfs is just how online they are, and I don't mean that to say they're harmless - I mean the opposite. I grew up in a VERY isolated neighborhood. I knew all of 2 other queer people in town. There certainly weren't hangouts for us. The nearest largeish city was a 3-hour, $100 round trip away - and that was also the closest other city-town-thing, at all. Going outside to meet queer community was NOT an option for me. What did I have? Why, I had the internet! As an adult I ended up moving to a relatively-nearby city. I also ended up being pretty badly disabled. Now I have access to outside queer gathering places...sort of. When I have the energy to go. Which isn't that often, and sometimes my choices of where to go are further limited because a lot of these things are in historical buildings with ADA exemptions so I can't actually get in the door in my wheelchair; I have to save those ones for the best of days. But the internet is still there for me! And no, offline queer spaces aren't utopian, you can still meet some REAL pieces of work there, the internet didn't INVENT exclusionist discourse - my (later admitted heterosexual!) mother had a whole stint as a political lesbian before the internet existed, so I know that from far too intimate experience - but the behavior there does usually seem to be tempered by 1) seeing as obviously as possible that the person you're talking to is a human being, not a disembodied source of words from the ether or a chatbot or whatever, and 2) being way more likely to get caught and thrown out and have the proprietor side against you if you start a fight. So who does this vile bigoted shit disguised as liberatory feminism affect the most? People who don't HAVE anywhere else to go, regularly or at all. Thanks, I fucking hate it.

Yeah. I'm completely alone out here and it sucks. People who don't have community need it the most.

tw for discussion of misogynistic hate crimes and things of that nature that happens in countries outside the global west it is SO glaringly obvious that the people in this stupid trans discourse are largely privileged and from western countries because they don’t think at ALL about people from other countries the trans woman in the middle east who can leave the country due to being AMAB is, in fact, more privileged than the trans man who can’t leave at all because he was AFAB and needs a man’s permission the trans women who aren’t being sold off as child brides ARE more privileged than the trans men who are forced to marry at age 12 and have children right off the bat like it is not that fucking cut and dry. there are more methods of oppression than transmisogyny and western problems. having privilege is far more complicated than that. and to be honest, i don’t think being ‘tme’ is much of a privilege when you’re the person AFAB who’s been murdered in an honour killing

Yeah, there's always complexity but people are obsessed with a black and white view where there's universally one good group and one bad group. It's why tankies exist. Cannot fathom that the West is bad and also maybe North Korea at the same time.

That - lady's entire blog is just her shitting on the "wrong" type of transgender person. Once again, people in our community are spending all their time infighting an attacking each other as opposed to actually fighting oppression. It's sad.

as ever

The fact that it’s now a cancellable offense to acknowledge that transphobes don’t see us as our actual gender(s) is so ridiculous I don’t even know what to say. I'm so sorry you consistently have people taking you in bad faith. This is one of the worst cases of wilful ignorance I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, I’m just dumbfounded. How the fuck did it get this bad?

this was sent right after I answered the anon mentioning a 'schism' so I'm assuming that's what it's in reference to specifically and dadgum it's more frustrating when it's people who should know better and have taken swings like this at me out of nowhere before

at least I know TRFs are going to TRF but it's exhausting having to deal with "so you're misgendering trans women??? the transandrophobia tag has officially become what it was always said to be!" from people in the same orbit, like disagree with me but can people please disagree with what I actually said before getting people apparently disavowing everyone involved in that thread?

and people have it rough sometimes and go through rough things and I feel for them going through rough things but that's not related to me so I'd appreciate not being swept into whatever other break is happening with other people who, again, aren't me

ppl be saying “to tmes it’s all genderfuck man in dress, until she asks you to respect her pronouns” like! i hate to break it to you but man in a dress isnt automatically a trans woman!!! that’s on you (general) for thinking that!!

they really fucking hate crossdressing men lmao and in fairness queer cis men have a lot of issues with misogyny but their identities are not mockeries of transfemininity and I need people to stop acting like it

ugh i hate that there are constantly posts in the transandrophobia tag that are like "well even though trans women are obviously more opressed and are totally right for hating us for our gender, could we maybe please have a word?? please we PROMISE we know we're evil for our male/afab privilege but just let us discuss our lesser issues a little bit" like omfg they're never gonna pick you

All of those people have me blocked lol.

[sdv-confessions]

I don't really like haley. she is mean and straight up rude and I don't think you should have to give her a thousand gifts for her to improve (granted, I know that's the function of the game, but still)

I also don't know why everyone is so obsessed with her being a lesbian and having internalised homophobia or whatever, as to me, she doesn't seem to have many different dialogues if you're male/female. personally, it seems like she just didn't know she liked women but when she meets the female farmer she realises and that's it... she doesn't have this massive but I'm a cheerleader arc like a lot of people present her as having imo

I think alex is a character that has a but I'm a cheerleader jock arc, as he is embarrassed about displaying his emotions (toxic masculinity, goes into internalised homophobia) but in his 8 heart scene with a man he says 'you're sensitive, I like that' which shows him growing as a character other than just not being mean anymore

that saying, I don't think he actually intends to be mean or rude, as in the dialogue he often gets confused when the player assumingly pulls a face at whatever he says, so I think he's just very blunt and could be on the autistic spectrum, whereas haley is being mean and knows she's being mean

.

[crimsonender]

interested in seeing you discuss how people view intersectionality/ and or just hearing you talk about intersectionality as whole! I saw your Transandrophobia reblog so i wanted to listen to your opinions. A quote i saw people reposting occasionally was about how no amount of shared marginalization between a man and a woman will make men have empathy for women. sorry if this is like too vague to go off, but i saw that same quote a few times and i agree to some extent but i feel like trans men's involvement in these discussions tend to be overlooked. should probably mention my bias but i'm an indigenous transguy but i don't want to hold resentment over online discourse and just want to hear other people's thoughts.

"no amount of shared marginalization between a man and a woman will make men have empathy for women."

This is TERF shit. And if you've seen a trans person say it, it's a trans person trying to reframe TERF shit to fit a trans person. The idea that men are biologically predisposed to dominate and oppress women is the cornerstone of radfem ideology.

Moreover it really sounds like the kind of thing that only a white person could say.

I really recommend reading The Will to Change by Bell Hooks.

Bell Hooks is really good about talking about how while men are largely responsible for their role in the patriarchy, women are complicit in it as well, and both men and women are hurt by it, even if women are moreso. She frames it in a way that doesn't feel accusatory and is very compassionate towards men, but also acknowledges that from the time they are young boys that they are trained and conditioned to be emotionless and even that to be accepted as a man that they must be violent. The titular will to change is about being willing to be cooperative with women, and for women to accept that male pain is not at its core an accusation of the failure of women as a social class. If we can all learn to accept that in our hearts then we can truly find love in our intimate and personal lives but also we can fight for a better tomorrow.

To bring it down, and make it a tad more personal to me, I was. Not a boy. I didn't really feel the onset of dysphoria until I began to fill the social role of a woman, and began puberty. My dissonance with my gender began around nine or ten and I knew in my heart I was transgender when I was fourteen. I came out at nineteen. For the first half of my life, I lived and filled the social role of a girl. I then grew up and became a man. Not all trans people like to conceptualize their transness like this, but there is no right or wrong way to be transgender. This is what feels right to me. There is a distinct who I was before and who I was after. (Though I do prefer other people to refer to my younger self as male and with my chosen name. Not the place to talk about why though.)

My biggest allies have always been women. My sister, my best friend, and my Moms have been supportive of me from day one when I came out to them, and the gratitude I feel... it cannot be put to words. Whereas I don't talk to... Any of the men in my life I knew pre-transition. Not my brother, my father, any of my male friends, my two male cousins whomst I was close with growing up, I don't see outside of very occasional family occasions where everyone is there. My family is not particularly progressive outside of my Moms being lesbians. Feminism is not exactly something any of them care about across the gender spectrum. So this doesn't really surprise me. I also do occasionally run into empathy problems with the women in my life, but all of us have that titular will to change.

Taking it back to intersectionality, in many black feminist writings such as those by Hooks as well as the coiner of the term, Kimberlé Crenshaw, it very specifically talks about how you don't really stack identities into a list. As a hypothetical example, you wouldn't say:

I'm a person of colour

I'm a woman

I'm trans

I'm working class

I'm disabled.

These identities coexist and interact with each other in ways that are unique.

"I'm a disabled working class trans woman of colour."

This lines up with Crenshaw's idea of intersectionality. There are experiences that this person will have that no one other person with part of her identity will, even if you only changed one small part of it. But it's also important to realize there are common experiences that we do have, when sharing parts of our identity. Having empathy for one another and coming to the table with kindness and understanding in our hearts first and foremost is how we coexist and find that acceptance that all of us want.

I think at the end of the day that being a human being is messy and almost always painful. But I think the pain is worth it. I think the best thing we can do is show one another compassion and grace.

[radfemfessing]

I find it a bit hilarious when women on here say that bisexual women can't possibly know what oppression for your sexuality is like. Or that bi women just don't have the experience of growing up facing homophobia, not knowing a way out etc etc because bi women can choose to just fuck a man anytime if they aren't in the mood for homophobia. And I can imagine that for some women, it might be like that? But it isn't for a lot of us. I am bi, yes. But I can NOT choose to be with a man anytime. I have an extreme preference for women, I had my sexual awakening and my first sexual experiences with girls, I only had relationships with women, I have only fallen in love with women. I didn't know I could like men until years after I discovered I was attracted to girls. And even then, I never felt the intense attraction and love that I have for women. I never wanted to be in a relationship with a man, I tried sex with them but it was so bad that I never want to do it again. I was beat up for having a girlfriend in school. Being with women in public has gotten me harrassed and threatened with violence. As a teenager I self harmed because of the homophobic bullying and I wished I was just "normal". The "Normal" never happened despite being able to be attracted to men. Do you think I would have gone through all of that bullshit if I could have said "lets date/marry a dude" anytime? Sexuality isn't a spectrum, bi women shouldn't call themselves lesbians, lesbians can date exclusively lesbians if they want to and het partnered bi women are privileged and hold oppressive power over lesbians. That's all true but why do these things always go along with "bi women are all bihets who could just date a man to get away from homophobia and thus dont know what homophobia is like". Sexuality isn't a spectrum, but bisexuality is. And some women are at the very far SSA end of it. Not the same experience as lesbians of course. But also not "can choose to be with a man anytime and is basically straight". All of you looove to believe in the bihet woman who doesn't even like pussy and only sees men as "the real thing" in regards to relationships and sex. Why is the opposite of that so impossible to believe in? Bi women who never considered men for relationships (and sex) and only have sex/relationships with women? It certainly is more rare but why should it be so impossible? My suspicion is that a lot of these women call themselves lesbians and that pushes two harmful myths: that bi women on the far SSA end of the bi spectrum don't exist. And that lesbians can be attracted to men, even if it's just a tiny bit. I encourage bi women like me and bi women in general to actually call themselves bi to end this bullshit.

🦧

[propheticclown]

TW: Rant post, acephobia.

Okay, now I don’t like making posts like this, mainly because I don’t enjoy expressing my anger if it’s not in a constructive way. But for the love of Christ can we please stop sexualizing ace characters???

How is it that when I look up Kankri Vantas (A CANONICAL CELIBATE CHARACTER), it doesn’t even take me half a scroll to find some weirdo art of him. I’m not saying don’t ship Kankri or whatever, since he does canonically feel flushed, but he had never been shown a desire to pail with someone. He’s ace, but that doesn’t mean he’s aro. THE VICE VERSA IS ALSO TRUE! Just because he feels romantic feelings, doesn’t mean he’s not ace.

Do you know how many times I’ve PERSONALLY been told, as someone on the Ace-Spectrum, that I just need to “loosen up” or that I’m “not valid” because for something I have no control over. The worst part is that it doesn’t even come from weirdo right-winged assholes. It comes from people WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community, because despite being known as the “most accepting community”, the second I don’t conform to some sexual-normative criteria/mindset, I’m the weird one, it’s somehow “not natural”. Isn’t that literally the same thing that 70-year old conservatives say?

And what do I always get as a response when I bring up this over-sexualization of characters who are ace? “It’s just their headcanon.” or “Well it’s not explicitly confirmed, only implied.” But I guarantee you that if I said that Dirk was only implied to be gay, or Rose never explicitly said “I’m a lesbian” and therefore I could ship them with a differently gendered character, suddenly it’s not good. Suddenly it’s bad, but not when it’s an ace character like Kankri, nooo.

Because for some moronic reason, despite this whole community being built on the idea of “equality”, ace characters are always treated as a prize and are objectified because people think being ace is the equivalent of shaking my ass in your face and going “ooh, you can’t have this.” WHEN IT LITERALLY FUCKING ISN’T! It’s the complete opposite! We see other people and go “While I may wish to hold a romantic relationship with you, I cannot feel sexual attraction and therefore do not wish to have sexual relationships.”

Why are we so disregarding of character’s sexualities when they’re ace or aro? It’s not even something hard to respect their canonical labels. It’s not silly or funny or anything. It’s acephobic and makes the entire point of the LGBTQ+ (that being that we’re all equal) an utter joke! “Yeah we’re all equal, but not if you’re ace.” It’s such bullshit. Again, not saying you can’t ship them, but sexualizing them and similar things is just disgusting and disrespectful.

[violetjedisylveon]

Rotten Fruit Character Profiles - Qi/Sun* Tao

The first child born after the Sun family reunion, Tao is one of the two children carried by Xiuying.

^ Tao's adult fur color

Sexuality:

Lesbian, she's literally lesbian posing I had to.

Personality:

Sweet like a peach! She's very happy and playful. She's very earnest and says how she feels when she feels it, she's straightforward and honest. She's surprisingly not very sneaky or mischievous, she's a bit cheeky, but it's way less than the rest of her siblings. She doesn't like lying or being lied to.

She can't read the room for the life of her, social cues are her enemy. Luckily her entire family is somewhere on the spectrum so it's not an issue at home.

She loves dancing, it's her favorite thing to do, and she loves to choreograph them too.

She doesn't like to be ignored, or when people come up with excuses for things instead of just being honest and upfront, it's the easier way to do stuff, why does everyone go around in circles. She also doesn't like it when family misses seeing the things she's worked on because she puts a lot of work into them.

She does have some issues with her appearance, the family says she looks a lot like her grandma, Guiying, but she sees the way Guiying and Yuze look at her, she's seen the way her great grandparents look at her, she knows they see her great aunt Chūn, and she does not like being compared to Chūn. As far as she's concerned, that's a dead person, she's not being seen as herself by these family members, they look at her like she's a ghost.

The rest of the family doesn't see this, Qiuyue met Chūn once or twice when she was very young so she's really only got old pictures as a reference for what she looks like, and for Ma and Wukong, Ma is legally blind and Wukong was five when he last saw her, neither of them have a good idea of what she looks like.

Tao doesn't like to be treated like the baby of the family, she's part of the younger group of siblings so she gets some of that protective treatment, she understands why her family is so protective but they don't need to go so hard on it, she's an adult!(She's still a teenager by monkey demon standards)

She does get a bit envious of her younger brothers for being closer with their oldest sister than she is, some of it is the sense of the troop dynamic being out of sorts since she's an older girl and should be closer to her big sister than her younger brothers.

But some of it is genuine jealousy over her lack of connection to her sister because she's so busy, and because they used to be closer before Chao-Xing started working for the Snake Boi.

She tries not to direct those feelings at her little brothers and direct them towards the Snake Boi, Wei-Chen is a baby so it's easier to not direct those feelings at him, Paramita is not so lucky.

She does love her family a lot despite the issues she has, she's very close with Yuebei, she and Lizi got into dancing because of Yuebei. Yuebei is also very close with Chao-Xing, but that doesn't bother Tao because she is an older girl, which makes sense for the typical troop dynamics.

She loves all her parents, and is especially protective of Macaque and Xiuying. She doesn't like the assumptions people jump to about those two specifically. Tell her Xiuying is cheating on her Mama and see what happens.

She's not afraid to get violent or threaten people, she's got claws and knows how to use them.

Likes:

Dancing

Dancing with her sisters

Performing

Women (who could kill you)

When Chao-Xing isn't working

Shadow magic

Her family seeing her performances

Spiced peaches

Peach based desserts

Granddadsy’s cooking

Watching her family’s performances

Playing with her family.

Dislikes:

Xiangliu

Being compared to Chūn

Chao-Xing being gone all the time

Family members missing any performances

Family being absent

Being babied

Being envious of her little brothers(Paramita and Wei-Chen)

Men hitting on/flirting with her

Hobbies:

Fan dancing

Messing around with shadow magic

Choreographing dances

Goals:

Get into the Megapolis Dancing Academy with her sister.

Be closer with her oldest sister

Closest/Favorite sibling:

Yuebei-Xing

Closest/Favorite parent:

Xiuying! She (and Lizi) nearly killed them; it's the least she can do

Favorite fruit:

Peaches

Trauma scale:

On a scale of 1-10, how traumatized is she?

5, the snake Boi regularly breaks into her house and holds her and the rest of her family hostage because he’s obsessed with her Baba.

*monkey demon surnames are passed down by who birthed them, so traditionally Tao and Lizi would have Xiuying's surname, but the family did not really want the constant reminder of that very traumatic birth, and so gave them the name Sun, but the two of them use both names interchangeably.

I need names for each twin pairing, Jidu and Luohou are obvi Prankster Twins, but I need something for the rest, I was thinking Fruit Twins for Tao and Lizi, cause their names means peach and plum

I just used a flower brush for the fans

Previous (Luohou)

Next (Lizi)

Rotten Fruit AU Masterpost

@sakurablossoms-world I'm back :3

[tthoroughfare]

me needing to get a diary

a random word vomit about my feelings towards gender

being a lesbian and autistic blitzes gender into oblivion

my feelings towards my own gender are so uncomplicated yet complicated. i realized i was a lesbian at 17 and got diagnosed at 19 and since then i’ve slowly come to never think about gender in regards to myself

i think from the queer standpoint it’s that being a lesbian who has completely decentered men and men’s approval from my life (and also being surrounded by people that are queer, women that don’t center men and people that identify in all manner of ways) will lead you to not ever really see yourself as a ‘woman’ in the traditional gender role-y way

as for being autistic it simply means you see the world, yourself and societal norms in a completely different way to a neurotypical person. i’ve seen other autistic women say while they’re happy being a woman and have no desire to take any steps towards transitioning they have always felt genderless. i completely relate to this

i personally have a very neutral view of myself and don’t ‘think’ of myself as anything; i just exist and i’m a person. not a woman or a man or anything at all. i’m just a person and there’s nothing stopping me from doing a certain activity, wearing what i want, etc.

[ this is a different tangent entirely and doesn’t have much to do with the rest of what i’m talking about, but this extends to almost seeing myself from a bird’s eye view; a lot of the time, i think of myself as a third party. almost as if everything that i am, all of my interests, my personality, the way i like to dress, is someone else. or an amalgamation of separate masks, my body and then the ‘true self’ — the soul. i wonder very often why i like the things i like, why i’m drawn to certain styles, media and hobbies ]

i often imagine everyone feels this way without speaking about it, but then i meet a super duper cishet person and i think ohhhh maybe not. i have a group of very very straight female friends who i don’t have a lot in common with due to my job, and sometimes they say things that absolutely rock my viewpoint of how i believe most people think

stuff like “i can’t…” “i could never do…” and then finish the sentence with something that is very mildly going against gender roles. personal fave that i find funny is “i love how you dress but i could never wear the stuff you do because i’d look butch” mind you the way i dress in question is baggy jeans and a shirt LOL

it just feels like a very bizarre way to live that doesn’t make sense. why would you not be able to do something because it’s seen as traditionally ‘too masculine’ or ‘too feminine’? why do you have to shave to wear shorts? why do you have to wear makeup to feel okay with your appearance? why, as a man, can you not wear makeup if you want to? who cares? if you want to wear something or do something just go for it. we’re all just souls in bodies. everything else is made up

all that being said, i love being a woman and when i remember i am a woman i’m very proud of that fact. i’m perfectly happy being referred to as she/her and would never explicitly change my pronouns, but i could also be referred to by anything and it wouldn’t feel wrong. i don’t put pronouns on any social media anymore because she/her feels too definitive, but so does ‘any pronouns’

that’s the only part that’s complicated i guess. i know i’m a woman and sometimes i really like to be feminine, but it never really feels like i’m actually a woman. more of a genderless orb in makeup and Lady Clothes. i keep going back to this but i’m nothing, just a person

on paper it looks like i could be agender or sit somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum, but i’m hesitant to say that as my feelings come less from a genuine dissatisfaction with the gender i was assigned at birth and more from my outlook on myself/life due to my individual circumstances. i'm also very aware that overall, i appear pretty feminine and will always be seen from an outside perspective as a woman so maybe that influences my viewpoint too

i guess that’s all folks, i don’t even think anyone will read this. however this is something i’ve literally never spoken about with anyone and i’m interested to see if anybody relates

(just to clarify before i post: when i speak about people not being able to do certain things due to gender roles, i'm not for a minute talking about scenarios in which it would pose a safety risk. just when people care too much about what others would think lol)

[lindentea]

a Dyke-nonychus for Pride month! Baltimore Pride is tomorrow and i'm excited! it's my first Pride since coming out as a lesbian and i'm PUMPED.

(a longer-than-i-thought-it-would-be ramble about identity follows!)

i'd been out as bi for something like 25+ years (i just turned 40 three weeks ago). i thought that since i'm not a †3®ƒ and i'm attracted to women and nonbinary ppl no matter their hardware, and since i'm transmasc/genderqueer myself, that it fully excluded me from being able to call myself a lesbian. i've heard and internalized some really cruel takes (mostly on leftbook, ugh) from tankies screaming that no one can be a lesbian unless they strictly identify as a woman in a very binaristic sense, are only attracted to women also in a binaristic sense, and only use she/her pronouns.

what a crock of shit, amirite??

comphet got me real bad, too. i'd been partnered with an uninterrupted stream of men since i was 15 (also dated women/nb ppl during that time, polycules, yadda yadda). i was married to a man for almost a decade, then only a handful of months after we split up, i jumped straight into another almost-decade-long relationship with a man (lovebombing is one helluva drug). i'm still friends with my ex-husband but that latter partner was horrendously abµs¡ve and thank fuckin' Satan i'm no longer with him.

up until i escaped The Arsehole, the longest amount of time that i wasn't in any kind of relationship with a man (whether romantic or just a hookup) was only a couple months at most. the societal pressure to never say "no" to a man is crushing. to always seek validation from men, because if men don't find me attractive then i have failed at life. the pressure when identifying as bi and internalizing the message of "but if you're bi, why don't you want to date men? if you're really bi, you shouldn't exclude any gender(s) from your dating pool."

...and then i spent an entire year without having any sort of relationship with a man. and hooooooo-lee shit, y'all...!! i had an existential crisis that was.. honestly...? set off by Tracy Chapman's performance at the Grammys. i made a whole 3-hour long Spotify playlist of as many songs as i could think of that had made me feel the gayest. (the playlist is fuckin' siiiiiiiiick, if i may say so myself. but i'm sorry to non-paying Spotify folks, since i prefer to craft playlists meant to be listened to in a specific order. still slaps on random, tho.)

i spilled my guts to a few trusted friends (as well as my lovely nb partner), and i in a conversation with one of my closest friends (whomst, in the past, i'd had multiple deep-dive conversations about our identities as bi) i said, "so like... if i'm nonbinary... and i'm only attracted to women and nonbinary ppl who identify more with that 'end' of the timey-timey gendery-wendery gender spectrum...." and she told me, "Linden... Linden. that is literally in the definition of lesbian." and... that was that, then.

ANYHOW, i could go on and on, but..... uhhhhh HERE, HAVE A CUTE DINOSAUR! happy Pride!!

[sun-citadel]

The violet sapphic flag

I decided to start work on a sapphic flag, as the original one did not feel inclusive to masculine presenting sapphics. The inclusive sapphic flag also felt too random for me to feel aligned, so I spent time researching a flag design

Excuse any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language.

Info below. Original thread here. Tiktok version [ without typos ]

1. Why violets ?

The poetry of Sapphos often included talk of violet crowns, with one of her famous poems reading ;

` … Many crowns of violets,

roses and crocuses

…together you set before more

and many scented wreaths

made from blossoms

around your soft throat… `

Violets historically are considered a symbol of sapphic love and the LGBT movement, and are seen in pop culture, such as the cult classic lesbian movie, Bound. A 1926 play also involved a woman sending violets to another, as a potential nod to Sapphos. When the poem was censored / boycotted, women would send violets in support.

To say violets were not a part of LGBT + , and primarily spaphic / lesbian history would be a false statement.

2. Why these colours ?

I colour picked from violets themselves, primarily the African and common violet. One for their inclusion of white, and the other for its range of hues from more blue to magenta. I felt they could align with the various presentations seen within sapphic culture, as I myself ID as transmasculine / presently as a soft butch. There are those who are transfemme, femme, masc, androgynous, etc., and this various spectrum of colours I feel could align with how the community is not just one, but various shade of violet.

I spent time researching LGBT history, and have come up with meanings for these specific colours. They were carefully chosen for both traditional colour meanings, as well as symbolisms that align with the LGBT+ community.

From lavander to pink, both colours have a history of representing the community, and have become symbols reclaimed. From sapphos flowers, to the pink triangle, it is important to remember our history and struggles. Pink triangles itself was used as a symbol for transwomen, as an identifier for example [ as well as gay individuals, but this isn't about them at this time ] , but have been reclaimed to represent lgbt+ rights and our struggles. It is important to never forget those who came before us.

Each colour was picked based off traditional meanings, as well as identifying traits of the community.

3. Colour meanings?

From top to bottom, these colour meanings are ;

1. Femininity, health.

Pink is associated with femininity, so this is for the purely femme presenting individuals, whether trans, nb, or however they ID. It also is the colour of love, and health [ ex , ` everything is rosy ` meaning good ] .

2. Love, compassion.

A lighter shade of pink is usually associated with love, and with love comes compassion and understanding.

3. Youth and age.

From our lives comes the fact that, we as sapphics, lesbians, etc. know that deep down, this is who we truly are. Whether you're young, or come to the realization later, we live life as our authentic self. May we grow old and happy.

4. Limitless potential.

With those who are not afraid to break the gender / sexual binary, and present in ways uncaring of societal norms.

Whether trans, nonbinary, asexual, or uncaring of labels, I hope you find who you truly are.

5. Soft masculinity.

To be soft and masculine is frowned upon in society, but some of us present in ways that we deem just right. It is an oxymoron on many levels to those who do not understand, but we are indifferent and stand tall.

6. Wisdom.

With our history, we can learn and grow, it is important to never forget it. Ever on we march to assure that we are treated as equals.

7. Serenity, masculinity.

A nod to the original flag that brought us here, while also representing the other side of the spectrum for fully masc individuals. Once again, this is for those in the trans umbrella, or comfortable in their gender.

4. Who can use it ?

Sapphics or anyone who falls into that general category.

TERF / SWERFS / anyone not inclusive of the trans community are not permitted.

Please do not use if m - spec lesbian.

[ooglywooglies]

reading the bunny man everyone knows dysphoria posts bc like,

i sort of resent him sometimes not bc anything hes doing himself, yknow like i have nothing against gnc guys im a little gnc myself every once in awhile. i just have sort of a weird resentment of they way he seems so ubiquitous in the circles i find myself in (the pro fat, anti racist, transfeminist, non transmed) and part of me feels like its because of how he presents himself. yknow everybody i follow is either bi or a lesbian and hes a beautiful feminine boob boy.

and i sort of struggle with like, the concept of appeal, esp irt my race. i sort of realized as i was reading his posts that yknow bc hes black hes dealt with a hypermasculinization problem his whole life so being gnc, being feminine presenting, is a statement for him in a way that it wouldnt be for me. though i can imagine black trans men who feel like femininity is a lot more dysphoric may feel similarly to the double edged sword im about to describe.

im asian and we are on the opposite end of the spectrum were hyperfeminized/emasculated, obviously asian women are like probably the pinnacle of female sexual fetishization for this reason, being seen as small bodied, childlike, naive/innocent, docile, submissive, and obedient they sort of sit at the farthest end of the spectrum of gendered appeal as long as they actually meet those stereotypical requirements

asian men experience it too though, when youre gay its similar to being a woman (though probably not quite as bad, men still get the benefit of not being women), youre submissive, youre small, youre a bottom, youre obedient, because youre certainly not masculine so you may as well play the part of a woman. if youre straight youre really not worth anything, how could you please a woman, youre small, youre soft, youre weak, youre docile. i think asian men can be elevated out of this, particularly IN asia not so much out of it, through toxic masculinity.

ive struggled with being fetishized for my race my entire life i cant really quantify how much being mixed contributes to it but i know for a fact that it does, ive had people tell me tons of times that im some kind of perfect specimen, that half white and half asian is the best mix (though people tended to be a little let down when they found out im not japanese - also just to be pedantic im not actually half) but anyway, that along with like regular internalized misogyny, ideas of valuing your appearance AS your personhood are quite difficult to escape from i think thats really true for anyone its hard to accept yourself when you feel like youre not the idealized version of yourself that other people find attractive/valuable.

this is why is part of the reason i dropped my typical tomboy presentation as a young adult and sought femininity on purpose for once

because, well, besides the lie i tell that "i just wanted to try it for a bit, to make sure it wasnt what i wanted" it was more a matter of being obsessed with the attention presenting this way got me. its hard not to put yourself on a pedestal when people are always saying things to you like "youre literally my ideal girl" "youre like an anime character in real life" "how are you a real person"

even now, its a humble brag, i post my old pictures so that you too can look at me and think "wow how pretty, how lovely you used to be" because im still tormented by the feeling, that this is all i was ever really worth, even as i said in the moment when i was 22 "none of this is real, the girl disappears as soon as the picture is taken, ill never be her and she will never be me"

and like you can see how it was never just a matter of me being hot right, theres a depersonalization to this that goes deeper than just the fact that im transgender. and i always knew about that part, i was never comfortable with people coming up to me and thinking theyd found some kind of manic pixie anime dream girl, i never gave anyone who did an inch. it got to me even if i separated myself from it mentally enough to find it funny. i know that these people dont see me as a person, i know theyre just creepy pathetic fetishizing racist weeaboos, so i can laugh, i can do this as a form of mockery. you will never get what i have.

but it weighs on you, the sickness was getting to me, i may never fully recover from entertaining all of it, part of it is my fault. i couldnt do it anymore i had to get rid of all of it, burn it all down and just go back to normal, this was never me. but obviously i cant, obviously im haunted by the spectre of femininity, of fetishization, theyre intertwined and cant be untangled. and now i dont have it anymore, the ghost taunts the fact that i am worthless without any of it.

not worthless, no i still have a pussy and big pillowy breasts, i can still be used if it really comes down to it. im just not the pinnacle anymore, ive been slightly used and ruined and i dont know what ive been tainted by, is it the testosterone or the femininity? what will i be when those things are gone? i cant deny all of femininity forever because thatll just be toxic masculinity, what am i going to do become one of those asian guys who gets really into guns or cars? no, and i dont need to because im gay, ill never be able to achieve perfect masculinity because no one can. but does it matter if thats not what i seek?

is masculinity the real equivalent of anti femininity? is anti femininity always a bad thing?

i didnt write any of this because i know the answer tbh, its not so much an essay as a rambling rant. i sort of hate to see salem prancing around displaying his art of his character that looks like him, because he also looks like me, he talks about how embracing femininity feels so freeing for him. that hes felt like not looking like the other trans boys has made him feel lonely and undervalued but realizing he doesnt have to and he can be a man who is also feminine has is fat and has big boobs can make him euphoric. i dislike that. i dislike that he doesnt seem to be haunted by the spectre of femininity the same way i am, that he gets the benefit of being desired and presenting how he wants at the same time.

i know that hes in the minority, that the majority of trans men are not GNC and actually prefer to take the toxic masculinity route to their presentation because they experience dysphoria in a similar way i do. why dont i want to take that route? do i want to be GNC, do i want to be happy and free and feminine like salem? no, i definitely dont or id still be doing it, i enjoy masculinity i just dont like asserting my masculinity. there a piece missing though and i cant figure out exactly what it is, maybe because im hungry and im quickly losing my ability to cognition.

well if ive said anything embarrassing or regretful i wont know til later bc ive lost my ability to read for a bit. oh well probably no one will read this, i do yearn for attention but its probably for the best anyway.

[knighthearts]

yall ready for a gender journey post..

so yall could probably guess i grew up a cis girl. i didnt start questioning my gender until high school after i broke up with my first boyfriend which kind of freed me up to explore my identity as my own person for the first time. around age like 16 was when i first started identifying as trans, and at the time that meant a binary trans guy

after a couple years of getting comfortable exploring my gender i decided hey maybe im actually not a binary trans guy but instead nonbinary. still transmasc and guy leaning but not quite all the way anymore. this became a trend for the next loooong while, getting closer to the androgynous part of the spectrum as time went on

then in recent years (maybe about 5 years ago ish) i started to lean more towards femininity. this is significant for me because growing up i was always opposed to it--i hated wearing dresses, i hated putting on makeup, anything "girly" appalled me and i didnt know why. i ended up thinking its because i WASNT a girl, and thats why i was so uncomfortable with everything to do with being a girl. i rejected it so hard because it just wasnt me.

after living with eden for a while i got even more comfortable exploring the feminine part of myself. i started wearing dresses and skirts and actually ENJOYED it; i started painting my nails and wearing earrings again; i even grew my hair out to my shoulderblades (yeah thats where its at now LOL). ive even started using she/her alongside they/them. and im actually enjoying these things??? it feels like after all these years im finally able to reclaim them because i feel like im finally able to be comfortable with my gender--how my gender feels to ME, not to everyone else.

that was the problem when i was growing up--i was trapped in everyone else's perception of my gender and what it "should" be. i was trapped into a box that was made by everyone else's idea of what i SHOULD look like, what i SHOULD wear, what i SHOULD act like, etc. and it took me until age 26 to fully realize that my gender is what i want it to be, not what everyone else wants.

i dont have to be a guy to want facial hair and a flat chest and a low voice. loving pink and dresses and cute things and makeup and jewelry doesnt inherently mean im a girl. pronouns, features, clothes, even names dont inherently mean youre one gender or another. your gender is defined by you and only you and nobody should be able to put you into a box and define your gender for you.

..having said all this, im starting to explore my gender further, and im slowly coming to the POSSIBLE conclusion that i might come back around to being cis (albeit gnc). nothing would really change about me except the label tbh. if i do end up coming to that conclusion i will be very bummed about leaving the trans community, but i wont feel any less attached to it, as ive spent literally half my life as part of it. i understand what its like to be trans and to love myself as my most authentic self, and thats why im considering this possiblity!

identifying as a lesbian kind of pushed me in this direction as well--i cant remember the last time i felt truly comfortable and happy with a label regarding my orientation.. like ya damn. maybe i am a girl who likes girls LOL. it just feels right and natural for me personally??? its crazy. i love women. if youre a woman i love you no matter the flavor. i love my wife more than all of you though sorry <3

but god please dont take this as me being like "oh trans people just need to get comfortable with their gender and theyll realize theyre cis" that is a bullshit take and i am not saying that. this is strictly my own experience and journey! i am 100% not speaking for every trans person and you shouldnt either.

but ya. dan cis era???? we'll see. no official statement just yet but i just wanted to let yall know where im at in my ~gender journey~. until i confirm anything please still view me as a nonbinary girlthing! <3