#why say lesbian spectrum when you could just...

[foundfamilynonsense]

Sometimes I just want to sit down and say, like… Gay men, lesbian women, and straight people. You could wake up tomorrow and discover you’re actually bi.

Tomorrow you could meet someone of the sex you do not think you are attracted to and go “oh fuck”. There is no rule— nothing—that says that could not happen to you at any moment.

“I’ve lived forty years without—” so?

“I can just tell I’m—” how?

Now, we can get into the conversation of how these labels aren’t actually law, and that you can be a lesbian even if there was that one guy and you can be a straight guy if there were those two guys in college and etc.

And that’s totally true and valid and we should normalize that. But that’s another post.

My point for this post is that, yes, you are one strange meeting away from being bisexual. It will probably never happen. But you can never say with 100% certainty that it won’t happen.

But that doesn’t mean every gay, lesbian, and straight person should start calling themselves bisexual just in case. That would be a completely absurd thing to expect.

Can you imagine if we go around to gay men and were like “but how do you know you’ll never be attracted to a woman?” Imagine if we did it to straight people? The idea you have to call yourself Bi just in case?

This is easy to understand. So why is it so hard for people to understand when it comes to asexual and aromantic people?

Like… I suppose I could wake up tomorrow and catch some feels for someone. I… doubt it. But it could happen.

But I’ve been alive 22 years and it hasn’t happened yet. So why should I expect it? Why should I spend time thinking about it? Why should I label myself based on that slim possibility?

The number of straight people who have said to me “well you never know” or “maybe you just haven’t met the right person” or whatever. Can you all IMAGINE what they would say to me if I threw it back?

“Oh, sally, you don’t like any women yet but you never know. Maybe you just haven’t met the right woman.” Their heads would explode I think.

I am an adult. I have been through college and it’s social life. My brain is (basically) done developing and I finished puberty quite a while ago. How late do you have to be before people concede that you’re not a “late bloomer” you’re just not gonna bloom at all?

Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and be attracted to someone. I still would consider myself on the aroace spectrum. But to be honest I think I know myself enough to trust it’s not going to happen. And I don’t think I should have to plan for it or expect it.

[genderqueerdykes]

Why do people say stuff like 'bi lesbian' when they can just say like, for example, 'lesbian romantically and bisexual'? I just think it's confusing and pointless when less confusing explanations exist

No hate I'm just stupid and think a lot of things could be explained better then they are

good question, there's a reason people don't say that: it's because that's not how they identify, that's not what they said. they said they're a bisexual lesbian. that's how they identify. if they identified the way you worded it, they would say that. i'm a bisexual lesbian so keep this in mind while talking to me, because this is literally my identity. what you said there is NOT how i identify at ALL. my bisexuality encompasses gayness and lesbianism, as well as transhet relationships.

you can be bisexual and a lesbian at the same time. bisexual means having 2 or more modes of attraction. lesbian attraction is and can be a part of bisexuality. bisexual identities do not exist completely independent of gay and lesbian ones- gay and lesbian experiences are part of the bisexual experience.

i'm curious as to what people think bisexuality even is ? it just means 2 or more modes of attraction, and of course that can include lesbianism, why wouldn't it? it doesn't just mean attracted to straight men and women, it can also cover gay experiences. i mean think about it, is a gay person who identifies as bisexual hurting you or anyone else? is a lesbian who identifies as bisexual hurting you or anyone else?

some people use that descriptor for them, but that's not what bisexual lesbian means. that is not "explained better," - that is an inaccurate portrayal of many people's identities. how you feel about a bisexual lesbian or gay doesn't change how they feel. it doesn't matter if it sounds poorly explained to you- it isn't. you don't know how bisexual gays and lesbians feel on the inside, why is it up to you to define their identity for them?

ask yourself why you think someone else is doing a poor job of explaining their own identity. it's NOT up to you or anyone else to "correct" someone else on how they identify. a bisexual lesbian is a bisexual lesbian. please refer to this comic strip penned in 1999 by Alison Bechdel about bisexual lesbianism and how the two experiences do not have to be separate, but rather part of the same spectrum:

it is not your place to decide what someone else's identity means, that is their choice to make. you are only the arbiter of your own lived experience, not anyone elses. i hope that helps, take care

[cator99]

top 10 long-term psychiatric lockdown facility patients:

#1. "DJ B-Rad": severely hyperactive autistic 11 year old. Looked and acted like some sort of elf. Would only respond to DJ B-Rad. Spoke and conversed pretty much exclusively in outbursts of classic youtube poop quotes. The other kids thought he was schizophrenic but I understood him and appreciated the humor he brought to what was often a quite dour situation. The place held I think 30 kids at a time– 10 per wing, divided by the risk-level associated with their interactions/how much care they needed. I was in the "low risk" section... in a room beside DJ B-Rad. He would frequently beatbox while partaking in the enjoyment of punching or hitting himself. Not in a depressive or self-haming way, nor in a "the voices made me do it" way. He just seemed to genuinely enjoy it. #1 because I have never met someone with such jouissance before or since. (and also because I wanted to start this off on a high note.)

#2. really charismatic stylish fat girl, maybe 15 or 16, who told everyone she was autistic. all professionals dissuaded her from mentioning it since that didn't seem to be her problem and really she didn't seem to have any beyond claiming to be autistic for no appparent reason. It became clear very quickly that she was self diagnosed and had her autism refuted by every professional she had come across. Regardless– she didn't seem to know why she was there either. She genuinely came across as normal, confident, well-adjusted, healthy family life, so why was she there? I had a bit of a crush on her and she had lesbian moms so i kept my fingers crossed that she would self diagnose herself as some flavor of kweer. I didn't think too hard about it back then because in all honesty I hadnt the faintest idea of what autistic even meant and no one seemed able to give me a straight answer. In hindsight... my conspiracy theory is that her moms initially took her to a psychologist because she kept telling people she was super autistic and back then that sort of claim carried massive weight (non zero chance tumblr played a part in her autism proclamation, but she was way ahead of the curve seeing as this was like... early 2012. in canada. I wasnt really online back then so idk when this sort of thing started to pick up steam but judging by how 2013 unfolded im gonna guess that it was right about then...) so maybe they thought she was like having some sort of very pressing identity issues or psychosis maybe muchausen and decided to ship her off without delay... A genuinely normal girl adamant on having a disability that was considered (especially back then. especially after DJ B-Rad.) debilitating must have seemed so insane..... until suddenly it wasn't lol (even normies I know nowadays say things like "everyone is a little autistic") . She arrived a few weeks before my graduation and at that point almost all of the people I spent my time with were gone and the place was full of randos who I otherwise didn't gaf about which meant I was able to spend more time getting to get to know her, trying to understand why she was there and what autism meant. Unfortunately, her timing could not have been worse. No one had time to entertain her autism claims. She had arrived almost immediately after the grand spergfest that was DJ B-Rad's graduation dinner. the bar was high. If you were gonna be calling yourself autistic, you were gonna have to prove it. She didn't seem at all bothered, nor deterred, nor invalidated by the professionals refusing to entertain the idea of her being even slightly on the spectrum... she was certain they were just ableist. During group therapy, when trying to get to the bottom of things, the "why" of her stay here, what issues she may have been dealing with, anything really... There didn't seem to be an answer. She most often took on a supportive role for others that came across as slightly tone deaf because she was trying to tell trauma patients to just keep their chin up and stay positive... which on paper could be possibly bad faith interpreted as "socially autistic" but no it more so came across as out of touch, as one of the rare patients who didnt have a background involving trauma, poverty, neglect, mental illness, etc. But to be honest, most people seemed to appreciate just having a truly unbothered, kind, and optimistic peer around– her intentions were, at the very least, pure. And for someone with low-level munchhausen, it didn't seem as though she was doing it for attention, nor did she fake any symptoms, or do anything really beyond say "i am autistic" and continue on with her day which I'm sure was extra confusing for the professionals dealing with her to wrap their heads around at the time.

#3. The Escape Artist: 14, caring and emotionally intelligent when she let her guard down, but typically quite guarded. Screwed up from her life on the rez. Always kept it real– I had some of my best discussions about life in general with her. By the time I got there, she had taken on a sort of mythical status as the unapproachable girl who had almost escaped the facility, and as a result had her stay extended "indefinitely". The minimum (and typical) stay was 4 months... by the time I arrived, she had been there for over 6 months, and she was still there when I "graduated" 4 months later. The story was that not long into her stay, she was being led back inside with the rest of the herd following a highly-supervised game of soccer in the fenced-off field attached to the back of the facility. To get outside at any time, you have to go through two (or 3) sets of locked doors. Beyond that... I mean, this place is in the middle of nowhere. This isn't some city psych ward shit. But security wasn't as tight as the staff let on. She had been plotting and waiting for a chance to escape for weeks– it was almost all she thought about. As the crowd was ushered along, distractions and misbehaving children were plentiful. While the staff were suddenly very wrapped up in dealing with whatever pressing issue had begun occurring, she realized that the door behind them had not closed properly. She somehow slipped out unseen, and managed to get a 10 minute head start before they realized she had vanished. She had run out the back, climbed the fence, hurt herself in doing so, but booked it down the highway regardless. She was in the middle of attempting to board a bus at one of its very few stops between this nowhere-place and the nearby city, when suddenly she was tackled down by staff who had been frantically driving around looking for her. Every kid there joked about plotting their escape– so of course she was a legend for having gotten that far. However, her response was always to roll her eyes at anyone who even joked about it: "Dont be stupid. Just do your 4 months. It passes like nothing." While she tended to be withdrawn from other patients, she had close relationships with all the staff there- including the ones who caught her- and often admitted that she wasn't sure anymore what she would do if they told her that it was her turn to graduate. Her entire support system was there. She didn't want to leave. At some point the program director decided she was making good progress and tried to push her on the path of the family reintigration stage. First time she went out for a brief day-pass type visit with her family, she stabbed herself in the stomach. Spent some time in an actual hospital. Upon her return, she played it cool and acted like it was no big deal, even tried to warp it into a badass thing while she showed us her stitches. But we all knew it was fucked up and that the next group therapy everyone was gonna have to sit back and give her the front and center even though she wanted to brush it off. She otherwise did seem happy to be back, even as she was placed back on "indefinitely stay" status. She was one of few I kept in touch with... which became very difficult very fast as she proceeded to dissappear for months and then years at a time, with the only indications of what's going on being people posting to her fb page asking if she's out of jail yet.

#4. Future Millenial Cringe Tiktok Star: 17, Baddie of the low-risk wing. She always had the most useful insight to offer during group-therapy (split by sex– sorry4tangent but of course as a fresh ftm I asked to get put into the "boys" group– was talked out of it by a staff member who assured me that it was an absolute shitshow in there and that yeah I could go down that road and maybe succeed but I would 100% regret it. I talked to some of the guys who told me it was just 2 hours of total retardation and anger outbursts often leading to physical fights and restraint-room utilization, all to the soundtrack of DJ B-Rad yelling "Pizza Time!" "PINGAS" "You Must Die" "Sos" etc. lol)... I always admired her maturity, level-headedness, and ability to tell off the dipshit dudes there in such a way that the staff had her back, and I often asked her how tf to handle this shit while maintaining my sanity. She was certain that you don't, but that's alright�� comes with the territory– and if your sanity is reliant on being kept in here then you're not going to know how to cope on the ouside– she frequently said that hating it there and wanting to leave was a good thing (as you could imagine, her and Escapee had a strained relationship, and while Escapee would directly bring these things up with her, she saw the topic as dead on arrival since she was there solely for herself and knew it, and kept form boundaries between herself and other patients, which isnt to say she didnt engage with others but I could tell she was... I guess just way more self aware than the rest of us, likely due to her being the oldest one there), but sometimes people challenged this idea by positing that she was just saying that to justify her negativity, since it "wasn't that bad" there. She assured them that it wasn't normal to be locked up in a psychiatric facility, and that not treating it like a vacation wasn't a failure on her part– she was there putting in hard work to sort her shit out, and thought that it was a waste to just sit around waiting for it to be over. Oh also staff low-key knew she had snuck a phone onto the wing but didn't care really, because she was a model patient (phone was snuck in during her "family reintigration" period nearing the end of her stay, where the program gives patient families the opportunity to visit and go out for the day– and more rarely but sometimes even overnight, depending on the patient. All of this was pretty rare tho because kids often came from idgaf-families)... not much else to say except she was dope and it's weird seeing her getting dunked on online for calling herself clumsy in a tiktok. She once ran for some political position while also being open about the fact that she was a stripper. She almost got voted in too (small town politics moment)I honestly wish she had because she has always seemed very intelligent and driven...

[tequiilasunriise]

Okay yall lemme cook‼️‼️‼️

I really, really like the parallels of ‘she fainted and now I’ll fan her’ here with White Raven:

Annabel caught Lenore when she almost fell and tried to remain in this untouched and happy facade while still subtly trying to fan Lenore because Annabel believed her to be upset and needed some air.

Lenore caught Annabel when girlypop straight up fainted and more obviously fans her in an attempt to care for Annabel, her face full of open concern for the fallen woman, there’s even a whole panel that draws attention to the fan specifically.

Why does this even matter, you ask me? Because I love the stark contrasts between Lenore and Annabel, even down to the most minute details they’re opposites.

Annabel is trying to be more discreet in her affections for Lenore, her pretty smile and chipper words a diversion from the way she holds onto Lenore’s arm to steady her, bright eyes a complete distraction from the way her fan is flapping away. Her carefree attitude makes it seem like she could easily play off these attempts to care fer Lenore, like she could flippantly brush it off as ‘nothing big’ and that she ‘doesn’t really care this is just a throwaway whatever action’ (but we all know the calculative Annabel Lee doesn’t just do whatever fer just anyone).

On the complete opposite side of the spectrum, Lenore cares about Annabel. She cares a whole lot, actually, and she’s extremely open about it. From angrily calling Annabel a dratted liar fer claiming what they had to be fake to very clearly worrying about Annabel as she fans her. The delicate care, the way Lenore does not hesitate to grab that fan and start gently fanning Annabel, how she doesn’t try to set up a facade that gives her an ��out’ if questioned why she’s doing all these things for Annabel. Lenore gives no shit about mindgames and appearances dude!!! Yeah she cares about Annabel, so what??? Lenore is just SOOOO acts of service as a love language, each time she reaches out is open declaration of, “love you love you love you”.

That kinda contrast kills me, man!!! Bright moon x dim sun, the sun does care but she needs to show it in a way where people don’t think she’s that invested you know you know she’s Just A Friend™️, meanwhile the moon says, “fuck it we ballllllll” and snitches her bleeding heart across her entire sleeve right before diving in with affections on full display.

That being said, I also really like how Annabel’s fanning is the last kindness she gave Lenore right before she left and Lenore ‘died’ and by sharp contrast Lenore’s fanning is one of the first kindness she gave Annabel when she came back from the ‘dead’ all resurrected like a funky butch lesbian Jesus.

Kindness as a last resort, as a final parting gift when the time’s up, vs kindness as an instinct, as a greeting call, as your first move.

[velvetvexations]

"Trans women are women" used to be seen as this radical stance, a stance against the exceedingly popular standrd cis belief of "trans women are men" Now we're expected to believe that whole push was a lie? That "trans women are spicy women" is a belief that transmisogynists have? Transmisogynists?? The ones adamant about misgendering trans women as men? That's been their whole thing in fact...? They believe trans women are women and hate THAT?

They're just lying because it's fun to be mean to women. Such is the true beliefs of TRFs.

I wish I could submit a Patrick's wallet meme to you on anon because I swear every trf argument I see about how trans people are TOTALLY seen as our actual genders by cishet society really does feel like: "Terfs keeps creaming about how much they despise men and manly features, going so far as calling features usually belonging to people AMAB disgusting in great detail be they on women or men, correct?" "Yep." "And they talk in depth about how testosterone is poison and will turn you into a monster, correct?" "Uh-huh." "They speak regularly of how even male infants are evil, and cisgender lesbian separatism is the only way for women to be safe, you've noticed?" "They sure do." "And it's not just terfs either - plenty of transphobic talking heads otherwise all over the political spectrum conceptualize trans people as people 'pretending' to be the 'opposite' gender, as I'm sure you've seen?" "Yeah, I'm real sick of it." "So you understand, then, that much of the idea that trans women are an immediate physical threat to 'real' women and to straight men - the driver of arguably the majority of transmisogynistic violence - is based in misgendering?" "STOP CALLING TRANS WOMEN MEN AND STOP TRYING TO PRETEND MEN ARE OPPRESSED!!!1!!1!1 THEY'RE LYING ABOUT THEIR BELIEFS OR ELSE THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TREATED ME LIKE A FAGGOT BEFORE I CAME OUT, WHICH IS A FATE THAT HAS NEVER BEFALLEN A SINGLE MAN EVER!!!11!11!" ...come to think of it, do you think that last line is part of why so damned many of them are so determined to "crack the egg" of every GNC man or nonbinary person AMAB that they see? To prove that this kind of hatred is ONLY aimed at trans women and that proves their ~essential soul gender~ is real? Because honestly, fucking weak and pathetic.

kinna but that's mostly because they are just genuinely toxic whenever they see a man who could be a woman instead e.g. every crossdressing subculture

it's incredible that 'transphobes don't see trans women as women and they don't see trans men as men' is a controversial take now. what in the fuck is going on

unhealthy validation addiction

fellas, is it transphobic to acknowledge that transphobes are transphobic?

literally

The thing that bothers me the most about trfs is just how online they are, and I don't mean that to say they're harmless - I mean the opposite. I grew up in a VERY isolated neighborhood. I knew all of 2 other queer people in town. There certainly weren't hangouts for us. The nearest largeish city was a 3-hour, $100 round trip away - and that was also the closest other city-town-thing, at all. Going outside to meet queer community was NOT an option for me. What did I have? Why, I had the internet! As an adult I ended up moving to a relatively-nearby city. I also ended up being pretty badly disabled. Now I have access to outside queer gathering places...sort of. When I have the energy to go. Which isn't that often, and sometimes my choices of where to go are further limited because a lot of these things are in historical buildings with ADA exemptions so I can't actually get in the door in my wheelchair; I have to save those ones for the best of days. But the internet is still there for me! And no, offline queer spaces aren't utopian, you can still meet some REAL pieces of work there, the internet didn't INVENT exclusionist discourse - my (later admitted heterosexual!) mother had a whole stint as a political lesbian before the internet existed, so I know that from far too intimate experience - but the behavior there does usually seem to be tempered by 1) seeing as obviously as possible that the person you're talking to is a human being, not a disembodied source of words from the ether or a chatbot or whatever, and 2) being way more likely to get caught and thrown out and have the proprietor side against you if you start a fight. So who does this vile bigoted shit disguised as liberatory feminism affect the most? People who don't HAVE anywhere else to go, regularly or at all. Thanks, I fucking hate it.

Yeah. I'm completely alone out here and it sucks. People who don't have community need it the most.

tw for discussion of misogynistic hate crimes and things of that nature that happens in countries outside the global west it is SO glaringly obvious that the people in this stupid trans discourse are largely privileged and from western countries because they don’t think at ALL about people from other countries the trans woman in the middle east who can leave the country due to being AMAB is, in fact, more privileged than the trans man who can’t leave at all because he was AFAB and needs a man’s permission the trans women who aren’t being sold off as child brides ARE more privileged than the trans men who are forced to marry at age 12 and have children right off the bat like it is not that fucking cut and dry. there are more methods of oppression than transmisogyny and western problems. having privilege is far more complicated than that. and to be honest, i don’t think being ‘tme’ is much of a privilege when you’re the person AFAB who’s been murdered in an honour killing

Yeah, there's always complexity but people are obsessed with a black and white view where there's universally one good group and one bad group. It's why tankies exist. Cannot fathom that the West is bad and also maybe North Korea at the same time.

That - lady's entire blog is just her shitting on the "wrong" type of transgender person. Once again, people in our community are spending all their time infighting an attacking each other as opposed to actually fighting oppression. It's sad.

as ever

The fact that it’s now a cancellable offense to acknowledge that transphobes don’t see us as our actual gender(s) is so ridiculous I don’t even know what to say. I'm so sorry you consistently have people taking you in bad faith. This is one of the worst cases of wilful ignorance I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, I’m just dumbfounded. How the fuck did it get this bad?

this was sent right after I answered the anon mentioning a 'schism' so I'm assuming that's what it's in reference to specifically and dadgum it's more frustrating when it's people who should know better and have taken swings like this at me out of nowhere before

at least I know TRFs are going to TRF but it's exhausting having to deal with "so you're misgendering trans women??? the transandrophobia tag has officially become what it was always said to be!" from people in the same orbit, like disagree with me but can people please disagree with what I actually said before getting people apparently disavowing everyone involved in that thread?

and people have it rough sometimes and go through rough things and I feel for them going through rough things but that's not related to me so I'd appreciate not being swept into whatever other break is happening with other people who, again, aren't me

ppl be saying “to tmes it’s all genderfuck man in dress, until she asks you to respect her pronouns” like! i hate to break it to you but man in a dress isnt automatically a trans woman!!! that’s on you (general) for thinking that!!

they really fucking hate crossdressing men lmao and in fairness queer cis men have a lot of issues with misogyny but their identities are not mockeries of transfemininity and I need people to stop acting like it

ugh i hate that there are constantly posts in the transandrophobia tag that are like "well even though trans women are obviously more opressed and are totally right for hating us for our gender, could we maybe please have a word?? please we PROMISE we know we're evil for our male/afab privilege but just let us discuss our lesser issues a little bit" like omfg they're never gonna pick you

All of those people have me blocked lol.

[sdv-confessions]

I don't really like haley. she is mean and straight up rude and I don't think you should have to give her a thousand gifts for her to improve (granted, I know that's the function of the game, but still)

I also don't know why everyone is so obsessed with her being a lesbian and having internalised homophobia or whatever, as to me, she doesn't seem to have many different dialogues if you're male/female. personally, it seems like she just didn't know she liked women but when she meets the female farmer she realises and that's it... she doesn't have this massive but I'm a cheerleader arc like a lot of people present her as having imo

I think alex is a character that has a but I'm a cheerleader jock arc, as he is embarrassed about displaying his emotions (toxic masculinity, goes into internalised homophobia) but in his 8 heart scene with a man he says 'you're sensitive, I like that' which shows him growing as a character other than just not being mean anymore

that saying, I don't think he actually intends to be mean or rude, as in the dialogue he often gets confused when the player assumingly pulls a face at whatever he says, so I think he's just very blunt and could be on the autistic spectrum, whereas haley is being mean and knows she's being mean

.

[crimsonender]

interested in seeing you discuss how people view intersectionality/ and or just hearing you talk about intersectionality as whole! I saw your Transandrophobia reblog so i wanted to listen to your opinions. A quote i saw people reposting occasionally was about how no amount of shared marginalization between a man and a woman will make men have empathy for women. sorry if this is like too vague to go off, but i saw that same quote a few times and i agree to some extent but i feel like trans men's involvement in these discussions tend to be overlooked. should probably mention my bias but i'm an indigenous transguy but i don't want to hold resentment over online discourse and just want to hear other people's thoughts.

"no amount of shared marginalization between a man and a woman will make men have empathy for women."

This is TERF shit. And if you've seen a trans person say it, it's a trans person trying to reframe TERF shit to fit a trans person. The idea that men are biologically predisposed to dominate and oppress women is the cornerstone of radfem ideology.

Moreover it really sounds like the kind of thing that only a white person could say.

I really recommend reading The Will to Change by Bell Hooks.

Bell Hooks is really good about talking about how while men are largely responsible for their role in the patriarchy, women are complicit in it as well, and both men and women are hurt by it, even if women are moreso. She frames it in a way that doesn't feel accusatory and is very compassionate towards men, but also acknowledges that from the time they are young boys that they are trained and conditioned to be emotionless and even that to be accepted as a man that they must be violent. The titular will to change is about being willing to be cooperative with women, and for women to accept that male pain is not at its core an accusation of the failure of women as a social class. If we can all learn to accept that in our hearts then we can truly find love in our intimate and personal lives but also we can fight for a better tomorrow.

To bring it down, and make it a tad more personal to me, I was. Not a boy. I didn't really feel the onset of dysphoria until I began to fill the social role of a woman, and began puberty. My dissonance with my gender began around nine or ten and I knew in my heart I was transgender when I was fourteen. I came out at nineteen. For the first half of my life, I lived and filled the social role of a girl. I then grew up and became a man. Not all trans people like to conceptualize their transness like this, but there is no right or wrong way to be transgender. This is what feels right to me. There is a distinct who I was before and who I was after. (Though I do prefer other people to refer to my younger self as male and with my chosen name. Not the place to talk about why though.)

My biggest allies have always been women. My sister, my best friend, and my Moms have been supportive of me from day one when I came out to them, and the gratitude I feel... it cannot be put to words. Whereas I don't talk to... Any of the men in my life I knew pre-transition. Not my brother, my father, any of my male friends, my two male cousins whomst I was close with growing up, I don't see outside of very occasional family occasions where everyone is there. My family is not particularly progressive outside of my Moms being lesbians. Feminism is not exactly something any of them care about across the gender spectrum. So this doesn't really surprise me. I also do occasionally run into empathy problems with the women in my life, but all of us have that titular will to change.

Taking it back to intersectionality, in many black feminist writings such as those by Hooks as well as the coiner of the term, Kimberlé Crenshaw, it very specifically talks about how you don't really stack identities into a list. As a hypothetical example, you wouldn't say:

I'm a person of colour

I'm a woman

I'm trans

I'm working class

I'm disabled.

These identities coexist and interact with each other in ways that are unique.

"I'm a disabled working class trans woman of colour."

This lines up with Crenshaw's idea of intersectionality. There are experiences that this person will have that no one other person with part of her identity will, even if you only changed one small part of it. But it's also important to realize there are common experiences that we do have, when sharing parts of our identity. Having empathy for one another and coming to the table with kindness and understanding in our hearts first and foremost is how we coexist and find that acceptance that all of us want.

I think at the end of the day that being a human being is messy and almost always painful. But I think the pain is worth it. I think the best thing we can do is show one another compassion and grace.

[radfemfessing]

I find it a bit hilarious when women on here say that bisexual women can't possibly know what oppression for your sexuality is like. Or that bi women just don't have the experience of growing up facing homophobia, not knowing a way out etc etc because bi women can choose to just fuck a man anytime if they aren't in the mood for homophobia. And I can imagine that for some women, it might be like that? But it isn't for a lot of us. I am bi, yes. But I can NOT choose to be with a man anytime. I have an extreme preference for women, I had my sexual awakening and my first sexual experiences with girls, I only had relationships with women, I have only fallen in love with women. I didn't know I could like men until years after I discovered I was attracted to girls. And even then, I never felt the intense attraction and love that I have for women. I never wanted to be in a relationship with a man, I tried sex with them but it was so bad that I never want to do it again. I was beat up for having a girlfriend in school. Being with women in public has gotten me harrassed and threatened with violence. As a teenager I self harmed because of the homophobic bullying and I wished I was just "normal". The "Normal" never happened despite being able to be attracted to men. Do you think I would have gone through all of that bullshit if I could have said "lets date/marry a dude" anytime? Sexuality isn't a spectrum, bi women shouldn't call themselves lesbians, lesbians can date exclusively lesbians if they want to and het partnered bi women are privileged and hold oppressive power over lesbians. That's all true but why do these things always go along with "bi women are all bihets who could just date a man to get away from homophobia and thus dont know what homophobia is like". Sexuality isn't a spectrum, but bisexuality is. And some women are at the very far SSA end of it. Not the same experience as lesbians of course. But also not "can choose to be with a man anytime and is basically straight". All of you looove to believe in the bihet woman who doesn't even like pussy and only sees men as "the real thing" in regards to relationships and sex. Why is the opposite of that so impossible to believe in? Bi women who never considered men for relationships (and sex) and only have sex/relationships with women? It certainly is more rare but why should it be so impossible? My suspicion is that a lot of these women call themselves lesbians and that pushes two harmful myths: that bi women on the far SSA end of the bi spectrum don't exist. And that lesbians can be attracted to men, even if it's just a tiny bit. I encourage bi women like me and bi women in general to actually call themselves bi to end this bullshit.

🦧

[propheticclown]

TW: Rant post, acephobia.

Okay, now I don’t like making posts like this, mainly because I don’t enjoy expressing my anger if it’s not in a constructive way. But for the love of Christ can we please stop sexualizing ace characters???

How is it that when I look up Kankri Vantas (A CANONICAL CELIBATE CHARACTER), it doesn’t even take me half a scroll to find some weirdo art of him. I’m not saying don’t ship Kankri or whatever, since he does canonically feel flushed, but he had never been shown a desire to pail with someone. He’s ace, but that doesn’t mean he’s aro. THE VICE VERSA IS ALSO TRUE! Just because he feels romantic feelings, doesn’t mean he’s not ace.

Do you know how many times I’ve PERSONALLY been told, as someone on the Ace-Spectrum, that I just need to “loosen up” or that I’m “not valid” because for something I have no control over. The worst part is that it doesn’t even come from weirdo right-winged assholes. It comes from people WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community, because despite being known as the “most accepting community”, the second I don’t conform to some sexual-normative criteria/mindset, I’m the weird one, it’s somehow “not natural”. Isn’t that literally the same thing that 70-year old conservatives say?

And what do I always get as a response when I bring up this over-sexualization of characters who are ace? “It’s just their headcanon.” or “Well it’s not explicitly confirmed, only implied.” But I guarantee you that if I said that Dirk was only implied to be gay, or Rose never explicitly said “I’m a lesbian” and therefore I could ship them with a differently gendered character, suddenly it’s not good. Suddenly it’s bad, but not when it’s an ace character like Kankri, nooo.

Because for some moronic reason, despite this whole community being built on the idea of “equality”, ace characters are always treated as a prize and are objectified because people think being ace is the equivalent of shaking my ass in your face and going “ooh, you can’t have this.” WHEN IT LITERALLY FUCKING ISN’T! It’s the complete opposite! We see other people and go “While I may wish to hold a romantic relationship with you, I cannot feel sexual attraction and therefore do not wish to have sexual relationships.”

Why are we so disregarding of character’s sexualities when they’re ace or aro? It’s not even something hard to respect their canonical labels. It’s not silly or funny or anything. It’s acephobic and makes the entire point of the LGBTQ+ (that being that we’re all equal) an utter joke! “Yeah we’re all equal, but not if you’re ace.” It’s such bullshit. Again, not saying you can’t ship them, but sexualizing them and similar things is just disgusting and disrespectful.

[sun-citadel]

The violet sapphic flag

I decided to start work on a sapphic flag, as the original one did not feel inclusive to masculine presenting sapphics. The inclusive sapphic flag also felt too random for me to feel aligned, so I spent time researching a flag design

Excuse any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language.

Info below. Original thread here. Tiktok version [ without typos ]

1. Why violets ?

The poetry of Sapphos often included talk of violet crowns, with one of her famous poems reading ;

` … Many crowns of violets,

roses and crocuses

…together you set before more

and many scented wreaths

made from blossoms

around your soft throat… `

Violets historically are considered a symbol of sapphic love and the LGBT movement, and are seen in pop culture, such as the cult classic lesbian movie, Bound. A 1926 play also involved a woman sending violets to another, as a potential nod to Sapphos. When the poem was censored / boycotted, women would send violets in support.

To say violets were not a part of LGBT + , and primarily spaphic / lesbian history would be a false statement.

2. Why these colours ?

I colour picked from violets themselves, primarily the African and common violet. One for their inclusion of white, and the other for its range of hues from more blue to magenta. I felt they could align with the various presentations seen within sapphic culture, as I myself ID as transmasculine / presently as a soft butch. There are those who are transfemme, femme, masc, androgynous, etc., and this various spectrum of colours I feel could align with how the community is not just one, but various shade of violet.

I spent time researching LGBT history, and have come up with meanings for these specific colours. They were carefully chosen for both traditional colour meanings, as well as symbolisms that align with the LGBT+ community.

From lavander to pink, both colours have a history of representing the community, and have become symbols reclaimed. From sapphos flowers, to the pink triangle, it is important to remember our history and struggles. Pink triangles itself was used as a symbol for transwomen, as an identifier for example [ as well as gay individuals, but this isn't about them at this time ] , but have been reclaimed to represent lgbt+ rights and our struggles. It is important to never forget those who came before us.

Each colour was picked based off traditional meanings, as well as identifying traits of the community.

3. Colour meanings?

From top to bottom, these colour meanings are ;

1. Femininity, health.

Pink is associated with femininity, so this is for the purely femme presenting individuals, whether trans, nb, or however they ID. It also is the colour of love, and health [ ex , ` everything is rosy ` meaning good ] .

2. Love, compassion.

A lighter shade of pink is usually associated with love, and with love comes compassion and understanding.

3. Youth and age.

From our lives comes the fact that, we as sapphics, lesbians, etc. know that deep down, this is who we truly are. Whether you're young, or come to the realization later, we live life as our authentic self. May we grow old and happy.

4. Limitless potential.

With those who are not afraid to break the gender / sexual binary, and present in ways uncaring of societal norms.

Whether trans, nonbinary, asexual, or uncaring of labels, I hope you find who you truly are.

5. Soft masculinity.

To be soft and masculine is frowned upon in society, but some of us present in ways that we deem just right. It is an oxymoron on many levels to those who do not understand, but we are indifferent and stand tall.

6. Wisdom.

With our history, we can learn and grow, it is important to never forget it. Ever on we march to assure that we are treated as equals.

7. Serenity, masculinity.

A nod to the original flag that brought us here, while also representing the other side of the spectrum for fully masc individuals. Once again, this is for those in the trans umbrella, or comfortable in their gender.

4. Who can use it ?

Sapphics or anyone who falls into that general category.

TERF / SWERFS / anyone not inclusive of the trans community are not permitted.

Please do not use if m - spec lesbian.

[scourgefrontiers]

yall ready for a gender journey post..

so yall could probably guess i grew up a cis girl. i didnt start questioning my gender until high school after i broke up with my first boyfriend which kind of freed me up to explore my identity as my own person for the first time. around age like 16 was when i first started identifying as trans, and at the time that meant a binary trans guy

after a couple years of getting comfortable exploring my gender i decided hey maybe im actually not a binary trans guy but instead nonbinary. still transmasc and guy leaning but not quite all the way anymore. this became a trend for the next loooong while, getting closer to the androgynous part of the spectrum as time went on

then in recent years (maybe about 5 years ago ish) i started to lean more towards femininity. this is significant for me because growing up i was always opposed to it--i hated wearing dresses, i hated putting on makeup, anything "girly" appalled me and i didnt know why. i ended up thinking its because i WASNT a girl, and thats why i was so uncomfortable with everything to do with being a girl. i rejected it so hard because it just wasnt me.

after living with eden for a while i got even more comfortable exploring the feminine part of myself. i started wearing dresses and skirts and actually ENJOYED it; i started painting my nails and wearing earrings again; i even grew my hair out to my shoulderblades (yeah thats where its at now LOL). ive even started using she/her alongside they/them. and im actually enjoying these things??? it feels like after all these years im finally able to reclaim them because i feel like im finally able to be comfortable with my gender--how my gender feels to ME, not to everyone else.

that was the problem when i was growing up--i was trapped in everyone else's perception of my gender and what it "should" be. i was trapped into a box that was made by everyone else's idea of what i SHOULD look like, what i SHOULD wear, what i SHOULD act like, etc. and it took me until age 26 to fully realize that my gender is what i want it to be, not what everyone else wants.

i dont have to be a guy to want facial hair and a flat chest and a low voice. loving pink and dresses and cute things and makeup and jewelry doesnt inherently mean im a girl. pronouns, features, clothes, even names dont inherently mean youre one gender or another. your gender is defined by you and only you and nobody should be able to put you into a box and define your gender for you.

..having said all this, im starting to explore my gender further, and im slowly coming to the POSSIBLE conclusion that i might come back around to being cis (albeit gnc). nothing would really change about me except the label tbh. if i do end up coming to that conclusion i will be very bummed about leaving the trans community, but i wont feel any less attached to it, as ive spent literally half my life as part of it. i understand what its like to be trans and to love myself as my most authentic self, and thats why im considering this possiblity!

identifying as a lesbian kind of pushed me in this direction as well--i cant remember the last time i felt truly comfortable and happy with a label regarding my orientation.. like ya damn. maybe i am a girl who likes girls LOL. it just feels right and natural for me personally??? its crazy. i love women. if youre a woman i love you no matter the flavor. i love my wife more than all of you though sorry <3

but god please dont take this as me being like "oh trans people just need to get comfortable with their gender and theyll realize theyre cis" that is a bullshit take and i am not saying that. this is strictly my own experience and journey! i am 100% not speaking for every trans person and you shouldnt either.

but ya. dan cis era???? we'll see. no official statement just yet but i just wanted to let yall know where im at in my ~gender journey~. until i confirm anything please still view me as a nonbinary girlthing! <3

[lindentea]

a Dyke-nonychus for Pride month! Baltimore Pride is tomorrow and i'm excited! it's my first Pride since coming out as a lesbian and i'm PUMPED.

(a longer-than-i-thought-it-would-be ramble about identity follows!)

i'd been out as bi for something like 25+ years (i just turned 40 three weeks ago). i thought that since i'm not a †3®ƒ and i'm attracted to women and nonbinary ppl no matter their hardware, and since i'm transmasc/genderqueer myself, that it fully excluded me from being able to call myself a lesbian. i've heard and internalized some really cruel takes (mostly on leftbook, ugh) from tankies screaming that no one can be a lesbian unless they strictly identify as a woman in a very binaristic sense, are only attracted to women also in a binaristic sense, and only use she/her pronouns.

what a crock of shit, amirite??

comphet got me real bad, too. i'd been partnered with an uninterrupted stream of men since i was 15 (also dated women/nb ppl during that time, polycules, yadda yadda). i was married to a man for almost a decade, then only a handful of months after we split up, i jumped straight into another almost-decade-long relationship with a man (lovebombing is one helluva drug). i'm still friends with my ex-husband but that latter partner was horrendously abµs¡ve and thank fuckin' Satan i'm no longer with him.

up until i escaped The Arsehole, the longest amount of time that i wasn't in any kind of relationship with a man (whether romantic or just a hookup) was only a couple months at most. the societal pressure to never say "no" to a man is crushing. to always seek validation from men, because if men don't find me attractive then i have failed at life. the pressure when identifying as bi and internalizing the message of "but if you're bi, why don't you want to date men? if you're really bi, you shouldn't exclude any gender(s) from your dating pool."

...and then i spent an entire year without having any sort of relationship with a man. and hooooooo-lee shit, y'all...!! i had an existential crisis that was.. honestly...? set off by Tracy Chapman's performance at the Grammys. i made a whole 3-hour long Spotify playlist of as many songs as i could think of that had made me feel the gayest. (the playlist is fuckin' siiiiiiiiick, if i may say so myself. but i'm sorry to non-paying Spotify folks, since i prefer to craft playlists meant to be listened to in a specific order. still slaps on random, tho.)

i spilled my guts to a few trusted friends (as well as my lovely nb partner), and i in a conversation with one of my closest friends (whomst, in the past, i'd had multiple deep-dive conversations about our identities as bi) i said, "so like... if i'm nonbinary... and i'm only attracted to women and nonbinary ppl who identify more with that 'end' of the timey-timey gendery-wendery gender spectrum...." and she told me, "Linden... Linden. that is literally in the definition of lesbian." and... that was that, then.

ANYHOW, i could go on and on, but..... uhhhhh HERE, HAVE A CUTE DINOSAUR! happy Pride!!

[gctomcat]

⚢🧡🩷💗💜🖤☽☾💗💜💙☽☾🧡🩷💗💜🖤⚢

Don't even try to post hate comments/asks/etc. I'm literally just gonna block you so there's no point lol (you can be blocked when you're anonymous btw)

So.. I've decided to make an intro post, 'cause why not?

You can call me Tomcat c:

I'm female & a minor (mid teens)

💗💜💙 Tomcat bisexual + Febfem (I've never been with a guy before, so you could consider me a goldstar Febfem xD 🌟) ily fellow bi girls (and wlw in general) Biphobes/bimisogynists fuck off 💗💜💙

I used to be a tif. I would change my identity a lot, but I eventually settled on genderfluid (until I peaked ofc.) I was a trans supporter from 2018 - 2023, I started identifying as trans myself in 2020 or 2021

Also, I love cats 😼🐈💞

• Gender critical

• Porn & kink critical

• Battleaxe bisexual (pansexual and other mspec orientations just mean bisexual)

• There are only 3 orientations (homo, bi, and hetero), it is also possible to lack an orientation (asexual), preferences aren't orientations (stuff like pansexual & demisexual for example)

• Asexuality is not a spectrum, allosexuality is

• Orientations aren't just "identities" or "labels". I don't "identify" as bisexual, I AM bisexual

• Attraction is sex based. Lesbians/gays are exclusively ssa, straight people are exclusively osa, bisexuals are both ssa and osa, and asexuals don't like either sex

• Femininity and masculinity are just stereotypes associated with the sexes, women are not inherently feminine and men are not inherently masculine

• Not a fan of the terms "girly" or "manly" since they both rely on stereotypes (I also feel this way with the word "tomboy" tbh, I prefer "mascgirl" or "azurgirl")

• Names shouldn't be gendered, anyone can have any name

• I don't mind if informed, consenting adults go on hormones or get surgeries or whatever, I just don't think that makes a male a woman or vice versa

• SSA people should have our own community separate from trans people

• Bitch is a slur

• Pro 4b / 6b4t / 9b4t, pro female separatism, pro choice, pro female only spaces

💜🤍💛 I'm also gonna post radfem/gc blinkies (if you don't know what blinkies are, they're like the images below) and other terf gifs/aesthetic stuff sometimes. I take blinkie requests, here's a post with more info, please read before requesting. My blinkies will be tagged as #tomcats blinkies

Posts where I say shit will be tagged #tomcat meows

Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or anything, I stayed up all night and I'm really tired while writing this lolll. I might add more later idk

⚢🧡🩷💗💜🖤☽☾💗💜💙☽☾🧡🩷💗💜🖤⚢

All gifs are edited by me except for the "male detected, opinion rejected" one, and the "basically.. men suck" one. I get all of my blinkie templates from blinkies.cafe

[dollypopup]

So, I wasn't gonna post anything about this, honestly, but because I was directly asked, here's my 2 cents!

First, I want to thank you for saying you trust me with this! I'm also on the ace-spectrum, and I'm a queer, bisexual woman, so I do have a lot of empathy with you and everyone else who was down for queer rep.

(Also, I do not have Anon turned on for my asks. I absolutely respect your privacy, but I've been harassed before, and if people want to come at me, they can do it with their whole chest. Similarly, if people want to come TO me, I'd love to be friends!) I want to start off with the fact that whilst I understand that you believe the article, I don't. Call it the skeptic in me, or my media literacy classes during my grad program or denial or what have you, but we live in a huge era of misinformation. A tabloid is not likely to be any kind of reliable source, and a random reddit user even less so. It's like making a balloon full of pudding and having a clown say it's helium. We're not going to know until the needle pops it. Surely, no one would ever lie on the internet.

That being said, as much as I yearned and wanted for Demi Colin to be confirmed, it's not set in stone, and so it couldn't have been taken away from us. Honestly, even being ace-spec, a lot of the HC of Demi!Colin started putting a bad taste in my mouth when I realized that a lot of this predominately cishet fandomw as doing it as a means of keeping Colin 'pure' for Penelope, and that struck me as incredibly acephobic. Sure, they were HCing him as one of us. . .but not because it fit with his character or provided a rich and interesting arc for him to explore, but more so that his identity was an extension of their hopes and wants for Penelope. It wasn't for him as a character, but for him as a prize. And that made me so very sad, so my dream of Demi!Colin died when I saw that happening so frequently. Us Demi and Ace folks deserved better than that, and we continue to.

Either way, I think you are absolutely allowed to feel your disappointment! This is a frustration safe zone! There was a lot of potential this season, especially for Colin, that I feel has been dropped. But even IF that article contains some truth (big, heavy IF). . .idk, I see it through the lens that lot of us Demi folks have had sex. Even no strings attached sex. I know I have. Was I disassociated from it for a lot of the time? Yeah. Was it satisfying? No. But did it happen? It did. I chose to take part in it, and they were experiences that helped me grow. And I am no less Demi for it! IF this article is true, instead of us freaking. . .I feel like it could tell us a lot about Colin's character.

He is a man who has had, largely, no good role models in his life. Not in this regard. Who does he have to guide him? Anthony? Literally said he should have taken Colin to brothels. Benedict? Hell, he had a threesome himself. Why wouldn't Colin be out here thinking 'This is what Men do, this is what my brothers do, why not?' Colin is young. He's 23 still trying to find himself. And the entire idea of 'oh, he's a nerd! no way he's had threesomes' lol, like nerds aren't kinky? Come on, I'm a nerd and I've done way more than people would assume I have. He was traveling for months, and I think this really isn't as huge a deal as we're making it out to be. I ship Polin exclusively, and I love the idea of them having their firsts together, but I'm also not angry otherwise. In my mind, he's still demi. Just like he'll always be ND, even if it isn't confirmed.

Sidenote, o want to touch on something that is somewhat unrelated to your post, but something I'm seeing a lot is the whole 'it's dehumanizing for him to watch two women!' or 'it's lesbian fetishization!'

from the very bottom of my heart, as a gay woman, people saying that can eat me. These are the same people who didn't care about any of our representation, before. They didn't care about having lesbian characters, didn't bring them up. Now that it affects their (largely) het pairing, and specifically Colin as a perfect prize in a pairing he has largely been denied a narrative within, we're talking pieces and pawns for their discontent? No, I refuse. There are legitimate criticisms that can and should take place about Bridgerton's lack of care toward wlw, and especially that our only representation may actually just be a lesbian performance for the sake of a threesome, but this is not a criticism on COLIN. It is a criticism on the PRODUCTION. Because if we had queer women in the series before, it wouldn't be an issue. However, I refuse to have my sexuality used as a 'ewwww gross! look what they're doing! isn't that soooo wrong?' gotcha moment by people who just don't like his character. If we're gonna have a conversation about it, we should have a conversation about it based purely on our actual desire to protect and care for queer women. Not using us as stepping stone soap boxes to prop up an argument.

Queer people are really done dirty in the Polin fandom, and this is proof of it. Demi!Colin is important to me, and he continues living on in my heart and my fics, and even if it turns out that he's fucked up and down the Amalfi coastline and watched live porn, that won't make him less demi to me, personally. Ace spec people's experience with sex is all unique, and honestly, watching seems very in line with Colin's character. I don't agree with peeps who call it weird or gross that he watches porn.

This is an incredibly puritanical fandom, and I find it more and more evident as I spend time in it. The entire 'suffering' 'penance' 'deserve her' 'grovel' train was already very clear in that regard, and then people only wanting Colin to be a virgin so he remained 'pure' and 'untarnished' (legit takes I had to read with my own eyeballs) for Penelope was so Catholic on main that it made me feel insane.

Us ace-spec peeps deserve to be and should have the space to be upset at any developments taking place! We also deserve to be free from people doing pseudo pearl clutching and hiding behind feminist and queer-friendly language to disguise that they're just upset that Colin is getting anything at all in his storyline that centers around him and his own discovery outside of Penelope. Even if he isn't a virgin, he can absolutely still be Demi, Anon! And I hope that brings you some comfort.

Am I a fan of the threesomes foursomes moresomes and live porn speculation? No, not particularly. Am I livid furious throwing up about it? Also no. This series has betrayed me and disappointed me in so many ways, but so has the fandom. I guess I'm accustomed to it, now. But I want to reiterate that we should not believe everything that is posted. Some rando on a reddit forum confirming a tabloid article does not investigative journalism and peer review and confirmed sources make.

But in the event that the season does disappoint and gives us some baffling storylines: this is where fanfic can be such a comfort. It's how a story lives on in perpetuity. I've written trans!Colin and queer!Colin and demi!Colin and virgin!Colin and bdsm!Colin and all sorts! We can give we everything we want. It's our playground and it's meant to be fun.

But over my dead body will I believe a Sun UK article lol

[thecoolerliauditore]

I've only skimmed a lot of the posts so sorry if this point has been made but I wonder how peoples' perception of Masculinity vs Femininity as a spectrum affects their perception of characters and designs. Do some people view Masculinity and Feminity as complete opposites, with androgyny as the middle ground? Can you be masculine and feminine simultaneously, while not really being androgynous? Does the 'threshold' of androgyny change depending on how the cc/character is depicted in 'canon'? to be clear I don't necessarily think any of these viewpoints are 100% correct or whatever but I think it's interesting how people will have different perspectives, because most people's view of gender are skewed different and what might read as a fem design could read masculine to another or just entirely androgynous. sorry for the ramble this stuff fascinates me deeply

No yeah it is fascinating!! It's a. very complicated topic since of course the concepts of "masculinity" and "femininity" are very frivolous and amorphous, hence why I kept feeling the need to clarify how it gets. Weird with anime-inspired styles what with the culture shock and whatnot.

This song was really popular in fandoms awhile back and I think it's like. a great example of how one culture's completely neutral (or even masculine!) traits can be seen as feminine (or in this case, "gay") when viewed by another. It's also just really funny and I'm kinda sad no on has done a life series animatic to it yet.

masculinity and femininity as a scale with androgynous in the middle is also something I'm glad you bring up, because the concepts of masculinity and femininity are so arbitrary and as such there are so many ways to deviate from the norm -- some more socially acceptable than others! Thinking about, for example, the young MAGA hat'd women you see on sites like twitter with the most racist takes of all time and who are very proud of their ability to keep up with the boys in terms of 'murican masculinity (chugging beers, changing tires, so on and so forth) but at the same time cake their faces with makeup, support that Hashtag tradwife lifestyle and Would Not Ever Consider wearing clothes from the mens section because that is the Bad type of gender non-conformity for commies and lesbians or whatever.

Compare that to like. sorry incoming irl lore. the way I've had people in both more liberal and less woke areas get nervous when they try to address me, with the only big difference being that more younger, liberal people will typically either ask for my pronouns or they/them me by default.

I'm lucky enough that most people here are polite but as someone who has presented both masc/fem the way people treat me is so distinctly different based on my perceived gender as well as my level of androgyny it was kind of shocking to me. Eitherway there's a distinct attitude it's like. Rude to not be able to tell whether someone's a man or woman I've noticed and nowadays I have a lot of fun stressing people out. Sadism in me or whatever.

ANYWAY this was about minecraft youtubers. Analysing how people gender their designs, unconsciously or not, is fascinating because of how interpretative these designs are. There's also probably something you could say about how gaming youtuber is a very male-dominated space and how female gaming youtubers tend to overperform femininity, but in very different ways dependent on their intended audience (compare say. Lizzie and Pokimane for example.)

I think it's also worth noting that like. masculinity and femininity in behaviour is very different from physical presentation. which is how you get images like this

in addition to, again, these concepts already being abstract.

and of course, all said with me biting my tongue on the queer side of things still, because that's a whole other sub-sector of stereotypes and in-group signalling and history that runs convergent with mainstream views on gender.

I think it might be an interesting exercise to put your own designs up against others and consider what points they differ and what that might mean for how the other artist interprets the character vs how you do it. And then if you can look up what the artist actually has to say about the character and see just how right/wrong you were and how your own biases come into play. Two different people can have very similar views on a character, for example, but communicate that through opposite design tropes because they have different associations with said tropes. Not just for gender things btw and I've found peoples more nuanced opinions are harder to read than you'd think! I don't think anyone would look at my Bdubs design and guess that I thought he was fairly feminine in personality, for example.

I love doing that and challenging my own pre-conceptions of what i think peoples takes are judging by their designs (as well as what I think certain traits indicate in personality!). It's amazing for example how many pearl designs I've seen as too feminine and rolled my eyes at turn out to be drawn by artists who very much consider her to be tomboyish.

[a-weird-cryptid]

I think we, as a community, should start to reclaim the word "queer" as an umbrella term for us, instead of adding letters to "LGBT".

Why? Because let's be honest, that letter soup is starting to get ridiculous. I can't be the only one who doesn't like to say every single letter of "LGBTQIAP+" when talking about my community.

It not only sounds extremely weird, but it's also getting harder to say. Plus this term makes us seem even more like "just special snowflakes and attention seekers" in the eyes of homophobic, transphobic, etc, people.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the idea behind it. With every letter standing for another sexuality, gender, or similar.

But calling out those specific ones, makes it look like any people who don't fall under those letters aren't worth representing. What about genderfluid or non-binary people for example?

We could argue for hours about that, but it just shows one of many problems this letter soup has. You'll NEVER be able to represent all by adding more and more letters.

Because something as complex as sexuality, gender and sex are not just a "rainbow spectrum" that goes from violet to red and that's it. And even if that was the case, they're still hundreds of different shades, that are too complex to really categorize. It's the reason we have so incredibly many labels in the first place.

I like to imagine queerness always starting with a "rainbow spectrum", (seeing it as the general direction you're taking, for example with homosexual represented by red) with all the different shades of the color, of the color you're choosing, being a more specific label under the umbrella term (for example a shade of "light pink" standing for lesbian).

I know that the word "queer" was used as a slur against us at some point. Coming from the German word "quer", which can bei used in German slang for "weird", "odd", "strange" or simply "out of the ordinary". Take the German word "Querdenker" for example, in English meaning "lateral thinker", aka someone who uses an unusual way of thinking to solve a problem.

But words can only have the meaning that we give it. Words can only have as much power as we give it. And on top of that, words, just like symbols, can change their meanings over time.

An example I really like to take for that, correct me if I'm wrong, is the word "punk" which was and still is used in a bunch of different contexts. Often as an insult, or a slur towards people who didn't/don't fit the norm. But now the day it's rather associated with positive things, such as music and a rebellious style choice.

So why shouldn't we reclaim the word "queer" as well? Why shouldn't we tell those homophobic, transphobic, etc people "Yes, we are not like you. Yes, we are different. Yes, we are 'quer'. But we're proud to be this way!" ?

Why shouldn't we show those people that they can't use the word "queer" as a slur against us anymore? Why shouldn't we attack them with their own weapons, using their own vocabulary against them?

It's so much more inclusive than "LGBTQIAP+" or "LGBTQIA+" could ever be. Plus it's something our community has identified with for decates, even if it's just subconsciously. Take "genderqueer" for example. "Queer" is even in the letter soup, the letter "Q" standing for it.

What do you guys think? And what's your opinion about this topic? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Especially if you're part of this colorful community!

For more discussions, reviews as well as other original stories and more, check out my master list of series.